· 5 years ago · Mar 04, 2020, 09:59 PM
1package kajfosz.antimatterdimensions;
2
3import com.google.common.base.Strings;
4
5import java.util.LinkedList;
6import java.util.Queue;
7
8import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.AchievementTimers;
9import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.Achievements;
10import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.dimension.InfinityDimensions;
11import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.infinity.replicanti.Replicanti;
12import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.math.FastRandom;
13import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.notation.Notations;
14import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.PlayerProgress;
15import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.time.Time;
16
17import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_10;
18import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_190;
19import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_1_8E16;
20import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_2E6;
21import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_33_333_333;
22import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_500;
23import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_5E307;
24import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_5E4;
25import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.E6;
26import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.E80;
27import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_1;
28import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_0;
29import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.INFINITY;
30import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.format;
31import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.formatMoney;
32import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.formatRateOfChange;
33import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.Achievements.Achievement;
34import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.challenge.EternityChallenges.EternityChallenge;
35import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.eternity.studies.NormalTimeStudies.TimeStudy;
36import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.bottomButtonsOption;
37import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.newsTickerSpeed;
38import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.newsType;
39import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.orientation;
40import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.topBar;
41import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.Player.player;
42import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.shop.AdBonus.getAdBonus;
43import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.shop.IAP.iap;
44
45/** NewsTicker API: Select random messages for display to the player */
46public final class NewsTicker {
47 private NewsTicker() {}
48
49 /* Indexes for both the current and next messages */
50 private static int currentMessageIndex = -1;
51 private static int nextMessageIndex = -1;
52
53 /* booleans that indicate if the current and next message is AI */
54 private static boolean currentMessageAI = false;
55 private static boolean nextMessageAI = false;
56
57 /* Total number of news messages; change when adding new messages */
58 private static final int NUM_NEWS_MESSAGES = 1002;
59 private static final int NUM_AI_NEWS_MESSAGES = 1000;
60
61 /* Ensure we don't choose messages that have been seen recently */
62 private static final int NOT_REPEATED_RECENT_MESSAGES = 100;
63 private static Queue<Integer> recentMessageIndexes = new LinkedList<>();
64
65 /* Special messages requiring custom logic */
66 public static final String MSG_UPSIDE_DOWN_1 = getMessage(646);
67 public static final String MSG_UPSIDE_DOWN_2 = "¡u\u028dop \u01ddp\u1d09sdn \u01dd\u026f u\u0279n\u0287 o\u0287 \u01dd\u0279\u01dd\u0265 \u029e\u0254\u1d09\u0e45\ua4db";
68
69 /* Simulated pause between news messages (requires refining) */
70 private static final String SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS = Strings.repeat(" ", orientation == 2 ? 220 : 80);
71
72 /** Is the news ticker enabled?
73 *
74 * @return true if the current top bar is "News"
75 */
76 private static boolean isEnabled() {
77 return MainActivity.topBars[topBar].equals("News");
78 }
79
80 /** Deduce and return the next news message.
81 *
82 * @return the next news message as a string
83 */
84 static String getNextMessage() {
85 int messageIndex;
86 boolean messageAI;
87 String message;
88 do {
89 if (nextMessageIndex != -1) {
90 messageAI = nextMessageAI;
91 messageIndex = nextMessageIndex;
92 nextMessageIndex = -1;
93 } else {
94 do {
95 if (newsType == 2) {
96 messageAI = FastRandom.nextDouble() >= 0.5;
97 } else {
98 messageAI = newsType == 1;
99 }
100
101 messageIndex = FastRandom.nextInt(messageAI ? NUM_AI_NEWS_MESSAGES : NUM_NEWS_MESSAGES);
102 } while (recentMessageIndexes.contains(messageAI ? -messageIndex : messageIndex));
103 }
104 message = messageAI ? getAIMessage(messageIndex) : getMessage(messageIndex);
105 } while (message.equals(""));
106
107 currentMessageIndex = messageIndex;
108 currentMessageAI = messageAI;
109
110 recentMessageIndexes.add(messageAI ? -messageIndex : messageIndex);
111 if (recentMessageIndexes.size() > NOT_REPEATED_RECENT_MESSAGES) {
112 recentMessageIndexes.remove();
113 }
114
115 return message;
116 }
117
118 /** Get the index of the current news message.
119 *
120 * @return the next message's index
121 */
122 public static int getCurrentMessageIndex() {
123 return currentMessageIndex;
124 }
125
126 /** Force a specific ticker message to appear next.
127 *
128 * This function allows for event-based messages: call this method with
129 * the desired message ID and that message will be used the next time a
130 * news message is requested.
131 *
132 * @param index The message index to force
133 * @param AI If the next message should be AI
134 */
135 public static void setNextMessage(int index, boolean AI) {
136 if (isEnabled()) {
137 nextMessageIndex = index;
138 nextMessageAI = AI;
139 }
140 }
141
142 /** Determine which direction the message wants to scroll in.
143 *
144 * @param index The message index to check
145 * @return true if the message wants to scroll in the opposite direction
146 */
147 static boolean wantAlternateDirection(int index) {
148 /* "direction right the is this think don't I Honey" */
149 /* "(right to left move it make)" */
150 return isCurrentMessageAI() ? index == 62 : index == 726;
151 }
152
153 /** Determine if the current message is AI generated.
154 *
155 * @return true if the current message is AI generated
156 */
157 static boolean isCurrentMessageAI() {
158 return currentMessageAI;
159 }
160
161 /** Look up a message given its index.
162 *
163 * @param index the message index
164 * @return the message text
165 */
166 private static String getMessage(int index) {
167 switch(index) {
168 case 0: return "Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always.";
169 case 1: return "The cookie is a lie.";
170 case 2: return "Antimatter cookies have been confirmed to not exist. Whoever claims that, stop.";
171 case 3: return "Antimatter ghosts do not exist. Just like matter ghosts. They don't have any matter, for that matter.";
172 case 4: return "Nuclear power plants have been abandoned in favor of antimatter power.";
173 case 5: return "Antimatter prices have drastically dropped due to newfound abundance.";
174 case 6: return "In the news today, humans make an antimatter sacrifice to the antimatter god.";
175 case 7: return "You made one antimatter! Whatever that means.";
176 case 8: return "Scientists confirm that the colour of antimatter is Blurple.";
177 case 9: return "How does it matter if it's antimatter?";
178 case 10: return "None of this matters.";
179 case 11: return "IN THE END, IT DOESN'T ANTIMATTER -hevipelle";
180 case 12: return "How does NASA organise a party? They planet.";
181 case 13: return "Electrons are now seeing the happy things in life. We're calling these happy electrons \"Positrons\". Wait, that's taken?";
182 case 14: return "This completely useless sentence will get you nowhere and you know it. What a horrible obnoxious man would come up with it, he will probably go to some PEGI-3 appropriate place, and why would the developer even implement it? Even if you kept reading it you wouldn't be able to finish it (the first time).";
183 case 15: return "GHOST SAYS HELLO -Boo-chan";
184 case 16: return "Can someone tell hevi to calm down? -Mee6";
185 case 17: return "Due to Antimatter messing with physics, a creature that was once a moose is now a human.";
186 case 18: return "!hi";
187 case 19: return "Alright -Alright";
188 case 20: return "The English greeting is not present in Antimatter speak.";
189 case 21: return "To buy max, or not to buy max, that is the question.";
190 case 22: return "This antimatter triggers me.";
191 case 23: return "No, mom, I can't pause this game.";
192 case 24: return "Scientific notation has entered the battlefield.";
193 case 25: return "Make the Universe Great Again! -Tronald Dump";
194 case 26: return "#dank-maymays";
195 case 27: return "A new religion has been created, and it's spreading like wildfire. The believers of this religion worship the Heavenly Pelle, the goddess of antimatter. They also believe that 10^308 is infinite.";
196 case 28: return "Someone has just touched a blob, and blown up. Was the blob antimatter, or was the guy made of Explodium?";
197 case 29: return "This news will not stop at this station. Please wait for the next news.";
198 case 30: return "Rate 5 on Google Play so more people can experience this 5 star Rating.";
199 case 31: return "BOO!";
200 case 32: return "You ate for too long. -Hevipelle";
201 case 33: return "I hate myself. -Boo-chan";
202 case 34: return "To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.";
203 case 35: return "Above us, there is nothing above, but the stars, above.";
204 case 36: return "NEWS actually stands for Not Every Walrus Sings";
205 case 37: return "Somebody wasn't nice, he got an antimatter-storm.";
206 case 38: return "You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass, you matter... unless you antimatter.";
207 case 39: return "I tapped too fast... my phone is now dematerialized.";
208 case 40: return "If an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eight ball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader. -Neil deGrasse Tyson";
209 case 41: return "There always must be equal matter than there is antimatter, I guess your mom balances that a bit";
210 case 42: return "Nothing is created, nothing is destroyed.";
211 case 43: return "We dug a big hole to store this antimatter... Adele's rolling in it.";
212 case 44: return "If everything is antimatter, how can you see yourself?";
213 case 45: return "The stock markets have crashed due to antimatter beings somehow knowing what they will be tomorrow.";
214 case 46: return "My dog ate too much antimatter, now he is doing \"meow!\"";
215 case 47: return "If you put Infinity into your calculator it will result in 42!";
216 case 48: return "You have found the rarest antimatter pepe, it's ultra rare!";
217 case 49: return "Can we get 1e169 likes on this video??? Smash that like button!!";
218 case 50: return "The smell of antimatter has been revealed. It smells like kittens.";
219 case 51: return "Just another antimatter in the wall.";
220 case 52: return "GET SNIPED, WEAKLING!";
221 case 53: return "Thanks a lot -Dankesehr";
222 case 54: return "This world situation is a SOS situation to the world!! MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!";
223 case 55: return "As for sure as the sun rises in the west, of all the singers and poets on earth, I am the bestest. -hevipelle";
224 case 56: return "I'm good at using github -Hevipelle";
225 case 57: return "A new chat server has been created for Antimatter people to spy on Matter people, and the world has fallen into chaos and discord.";
226 case 58: return "A new study has come out linking the consumption of potatoes with increased risk of Antimatter implosion. Scientists suggest eating more.";
227 case 59: return "I thought that I fixed that bug but apparently some update broke it again -hevipelle";
228 case 60: return "Maybe I'm stupid then -Bootato";
229 case 61: return "Breaking news! Hevipelle has just announced that the buy max button is in fact going to be removed!";
230 case 62: return "I dedicate this game to my girlfriend.";
231 case 63: return "Antimatter guns don't kill antimatter people, antimatter people kill antimatter people but does that mean that antimatter toaster doesn't toast antimatter toasts, antimatter toast toasts antimatter toasts?";
232 case 64: return "But to an antimatter person, wouldn't they be matter and us antimatter?";
233 case 65: return "And nothing Antimatters";
234 case 66: return "School starting up strikes fear in students universe-wide, as schools are no longer segregated between Matter and antimatter. Annihilation is prominent.";
235 case 67: return "Why does no one talk about the 0th dimension?";
236 case 68: return "The fatter catter satter on the antimatter.";
237 case 69: return "Who let the DOgs out?";
238 case 70: return "If you can't read this you disabled the news.";
239 case 71: return "Doesn't leave, just mutes the server so he doesn't receive notifications.";
240 case 72: return "Most quotes found online are falsely attributed -Abraham Lincoln";
241 case 73: return "It should work now, but it doesn't -hevipelle";
242 case 74: return "This game doesn't have any errors... they're alternative successes.";
243 case 75: return "A third type of matter has been discovered: null matter. It doesn't do anything and is basically useless. The scientists who discovered it were fired.";
244 case 76: return "Your Mother-in-Law keeps nagging you about all these antimatter colliders.";
245 case 77: return "If matter exists, then does antimatter not exist?";
246 case 78: return "Antimatter=Life. Not cobblestone, not dirt, nothing like that. Antimatter.";
247 case 79: return "Breaking News: Error Error Error";
248 case 80: return "How much antiwood could an antiwoodchuck chuck if an antiwoodchuck could chuck antiwood?";
249 case 81: return "Chaos isn't a pit, chaos is a matter.";
250 case 82: return "That's because I'm a good game developer and pushed some code that totally works -hevipelle";
251 case 83: return "What's the matter with antimatter?";
252 case 84: return "Doesn't it annoy you when people don't finish their";
253 case 85: return "Don't anti-quote me on this";
254 case 86: return "Antimatter is honest, matter makes up everything.";
255 case 87: return "According to no known laws of aviation, there are multiple ways a bee should be able to be swallowed up by antimatter.";
256 case 88: return "You either die as matter or live long enough to be consumed by the antimatter, and then die again.";
257 case 89: return "If you gaze long enough into the antimatter, the antimatter gazes back into you.";
258 case 90: return "Always gonna give you up. Always gonna let you down. -Anti-Rick Astley";
259 case 91: return "Is an antimatter elevator a descenderator?";
260 case 92: return "#DimensionLivesAntimatter";
261 case 93: return "Now releasing the AD Newsticker companion app! Watch mindless anti-jokes scroll across your screen whenever, wherever, whichever app you are on!";
262 case 94: return "To matter, or to antimatter, that is the question.";
263 case 95: return "Why is everything so Hevi?";
264 case 96: return "It has been scientifically proven ages ago, that cats made of matter are unpleasant. We have good news, because cats made of antimatter are still unpleasant.";
265 case 97: return "Nobody once told me the anti-world wasn't gonna roll me";
266 case 98: return "Antimatter is like internet. If you're reading this, you can't have enough of it.";
267 case 99: return "Antimatter has made time travel possible and I'm here to make the past great again. -2nd President of the World";
268 case 100: return "Please insert Disc -1 to continue playing Antimatter Dimensions\u2122.";
269 case 101: return "Lore - coming soon \u2122";
270 case 102: return "I was a part of antimatter like you once. But then I got matter in my knee.";
271 case 103: return "Antimatter... antimatter never changes... until you get to quantum physics of antimatter, but we don't have enough Tachyon Particles for that.";
272 case 104: return "There is no war in Antimatter Dimensions. Here we are safe. Here we are free.";
273 case 105: return "Antimatter has solved global warming. In unrelated news, the Earth no longer exists.";
274 case 106: return "Anti-water, anti-Earth, anti-fire, anti-air. Long ago, the four anti-nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the anti-Fire Nation attacked. Only the anti-Avatar, the master of all 4 anti-elements could bring balance to the anti-world, but when the world needed him most, he accidentally touched some regular matter and exploded.";
275 case 107: return "If you open an anti-lootbox, are you selling random possessions for in-game currency?";
276 case 108: return "People are beginning to question Hevipelle's existence.";
277 case 109: return "Antimatter Dimensions is proud to be sponsored by Lehmä! Now offering - grass eating lessons! Learn what grass is safe to eat and what grass isn't.";
278 case 110: return "It is the year 2422. The update still isn't out. Hevi is working on balancing unfunity dimension dimensions and challenges for the 38th layer of prestige. There are over 100 rows of achievements. They're getting ready to start using breaking_breaking_breaking_infinity.java";
279 case 111: return "Import Christmas for a secret theme";
280 case 112: return "REDACTED";
281 case 113: return "So I've pondered this question for a long time. Antimatter Dimensions... what does it mean? I mean it's a game, that's clear. You buy the first dimension, and it gives you antimatter, and the second dimension provides more first dimensions and so on... But what does it mean? It can't just be a game, it seems too plain for that. The developer must have made it as a metaphor. I was doing my daily ritual of watching an ad before sleep, when finally the realization came to me. The dimensions are just thinly veiled misspellings of the word \"depression\". Regular matter are the cruel and negative thoughts that add to and fuel depression, while antimatter is the positive thoughts and good friends that dispel it. You start off with something simple, and it fights almost imperceptibly against the depression, but as you keep going the fight builds. But it never seems to fix everything. The depression seems like it could go on to Infinity. So you keep going. But eventually, you figure out, depression isn't infinite. It's just very very large. But your \"dimensions\" eventually, with enough work, make enough \"antimatter\" to usurp that seeming Infinity of depression. Then the possibilities are endless. You are actually happy for once, and your happiness grows exponentially as you go beyond and seemingly \"break\" the \"Infinity\" of depression. And you go on until that \"Infinity\" seems tiny in comparison to the happiness you've managed to achieve in your life, where if you reset you get over that Infinity in less than the blink of an eye. If you want to know what the multiple layers of prestige are...'Dimensional Shifts\" are getting new things and methods to give you happiness. \"Dimensional Boosts\" are upgrading the things and methods. Examples would be getting a new car being a \"Dimensional Shift\" and trading that car in for a new one would be a \"Dimensional Boost\". \"Eternities\" are major tragedies such as a loved one dying. That lapse brings you straight back to the beginning, with seemingly no hope of return. But with time, you grow back stronger and happier than ever before. \"Dimensional Sacrifice\" is moving away. You have to give up a lot of the things you had that made you happy, but there is new opportunity in where you move to. And that new opportunity gives you more happiness than you ever had. \"Tickspeed\" is how easy it is to make you happy, and \"Time Dimensions\" make it even easier to be happy. Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for a depressed man's successful battle against his illness.";
282 case 114: return "(Make me sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (I can't sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (Leave me) Whisper my name and give me to the dark. (Make me sleep) Bid my milk to stay. (I can't fall asleep) Before I become done. (Leave me) Leave me to the nothing I've become.";
283 case 115: return "A preview of the next update - loot boxes! Feel a sense of pride and progression as you open cosmic, galactic, and universal lootboxes for chances at rare skins, unique challenges with uniquer rewards, time skips and even new dimensions!";
284 case 116: return "The intent of dimensions is to give a sense of pride and accomplishment";
285 case 117: return "Refreshing cures cancer";
286 case 118: return "I have a 9th, I have a dimension... UHH... IT DOESN'T EXIST!";
287 case 119: return "Since when did we start reporting stuff like this? Half of it isn't even proper news, it's just jokes and meta-references, it doesn't even make sens-HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT-";
288 case 120: return "The year is 1944, Hevipelle can't release updates for AD because he doesn't exist.";
289 case 121: return "\"THAT DIMENSION DOESN'T EXIST\" - GhostBot";
290 case 122: return "Most things you know as nuts are actually Drupe seeds or Legumes. Hevipelle on the other hand is quite crazy and can thus be considered a dry uncompartmented fruit.";
291 case 123: return "Finland declares that it's starting to import Cancer";
292 case 124: return "All this importing is making me Confused";
293 case 125: return "Only today you can call 1-800-ANTIMATTER and get a FREE Infinity Dimension! The package also comes with a COMPLETELY FREE SHIPPING and a FREE HIGH DEFINITION ANTI-V!!! Only today for the low price of 42! Estimated delivery time - 5 hours.";
294 case 126: return "1e420 blaze it.";
295 case 127: return "This game doesn't have any bugs, you're just doing it wrong.";
296 case 128: return "Antimatter_Dimensions.mp1.79e308";
297 case 129: return "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ";
298 case 130: return "Tap this to unlock a secret achievement.";
299 case 131: return "Warning - We have just been informed that there is a chance of infection with a mind-virus of the Basilisk type, similar to the infamous winking parrot. This particular example is known as \"Fractal Cancer Type III\". This is believed to cause a \"crashing\" of the mind, similar to a computer crash, due to the mathematical complexity of the image causing mathematical ideas that the mind can't comprehend, a Gondelian shock input eventually leading to crashing through Gondelian spoilers. All who have researched it have eventually died the same way, so it is impossible to tell exactly, but this is the common belief. Regardless, with the introduction of \"cancer\" mode, as well as reports of its spontaneous appearance, sufficient repetition of this mode's appearance may lead to an image forming in the mind similar to \"Fractal Cancer Type III\". With this in mind, we have some suggestions if you find yourself plagued with it. First, refresh immediately and see if that fixes the issue. If not, navigate to options, and change the theme from cancer to literally anything else. And above all else, Godspeed. We can't afford to lose anymore viewers.";
300 case 132: return "If I have bad English, I'll study English until I have good English.";
301 case 133: return "Someone once told me that antimatter is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest atom in the shed. WELL, the tubes start coming and they don't stop coming...";
302 case 134: return "Because of this game I can now use the word \"infinity\" as a verb.";
303 case 135: return "Ahhh I love the smell of particle annihilation in the morning.";
304 case 136: return "The person who said ghosts don't exist obviously doesn't have a discord";
305 case 137: return "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAntimatter Dimensions was made by some dude from Finland";
306 case 138: return "The Holy trinity of Hevipelle, Antimatter, Infinity Points, and Eternity Points. These 3 resources let us access Hevi's gift, Time Theorems. And with these Time Theorems, we reach out to Hevi, and call, \"Hevi, bless us on this fine day!\" And Hevi does. He gives us the blessing of Time Studies. These Time Studies were blessings so powerful, Hevi restricted their power. He said, \" I will give you a choice of three paths\" and then humanity chose. The short, cheap route of Normal Dimensions, giving instant gratification, the powerful choice of Infinity Dimensions, which were a fast, middle ground path, or Time Dimension, the long wait, and struggle, of humanity. Then, as humanity chose, a crack broke the earth. A serpent snaked out and sneered to humanity, \"I will offer the powerful choice of a ninth dimension! I am Slabdrill, lord of all Unhevi. Humanity rose and said \" Begone Slabdrill! We want none of your foul Heresy!\" And Hevi rose as well, and smote Slabdrill with his godlike power. As Slabdrill's corpse fell into the earth, he cried \" this will not be the last of me! Hevi will betr-\" and he fell in the Abyss of matter. Hevi gifted humanity with Eternity upgrades, which boosted Infinity dimensions and time dimensions. And Hevi gave humanity his greatest gift . EP multipliers. He said, these will multiply all EP gained by 5, but their cost will increase 25 times. Use them wisely. And Humanity journeyed off with their new power, as Slabdrill's words echoed in their heads.";
307 case 139: return "We have updated our Antimatter Privacy Policy.";
308
309 // Patreon ones
310 case 140: return "Is this a jojo reference?";
311
312 //basic (pre-inf)
313 case 141: return player.antimatter.getExponent() == 15 ? "You just made your 1,000,000,000,000,000th antimatter. This one tastes like chicken" : "";
314 case 142: return player.galaxies == 2 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "Nerf the galaxies please." : "";
315 case 143: return player.dimensions.normal[2].amount.gt(B_0) || player.dimensionBoosts > 0 ? "What do you mean, more than two dimensions??? We're on a screen, clearly there are only 2 dimensions." : "";
316 case 144: return player.dimensions.normal[7].amount.eq(B_190) || player.infinitied > 0 ? "How much is Infinity? -literally everyone at least once" : "";
317 case 145: return player.dimensions.normal[3].amount.gt(B_0) && player.dimensions.normal[4].amount.eq(B_0) ? "Eh, the Fourth Dimension is alright..." : "";
318 case 146: return player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "Antimatter people seem to be even more afraid of 13 then we are. They destroyed entire galaxies just to remove 13 from their percents." : "";
319 case 147: return player.sacrificed.getExponent() >= 10 || player.dimensionBoosts >= 6 ? "To understand dimensional sacrifice, you do actually need a PhD in theoretical physics. Sorry!" : "";
320 case 148: return player.spreadingCancer > 0 ? "A new group for the standardization of numbers have come forward with a novel new format involving emoji." : "";
321 case 149: return player.totalAntimatter.getExponent() >= 27 ? "Antimatter ice cream stand has recently opened - they have octillions of flavors!" : "";
322 case 150: return player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "The Heavenly Pelle has generated too much antimatter and needed to create another galaxy. This one can be seen in the southwestern sky." : "";
323 case 151: return player.usedMaxAll ? "What does the M button do again?" : "";
324
325 //9th dim
326 case 152: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "9th Dimension is a lie." : "";
327 case 153: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "The square root of 9 is 3, therefore the 9th dimension can't exist." : "";
328 case 154: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "You got assimilated by the 9th dimension? Just call your doctor for mental illness!" : "";
329 case 155: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "Why is there no 9th dimension? Because 7 8 9." : "";
330 case 156: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "The 9th dimension cannot exist." : "";
331 case 157: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "If you break the fourth wall... well, there's still the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to get through before you encounter bad things, so you should be fine" : "";
332 case 158: return (player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) && Achievement(22).isUnlocked() ? "Conditions must be met for Hevipelle to sleep. First, it needs to be a blue moon. Second, a specific town in the arctic must have not seen light for a month. Third, he needs to release an AD update. And finally, no one on the discord can be on dimension 9. Only then can he rest, for up to 6 hours, before waking up forcefully to avoid getting the offline achievement." : "";
333 case 159: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "If the 9th dimension is all evil, then is 3 the root of all evil?" : "";
334
335 //basic (post-inf pre-rep)
336 case 160: return player.infinitied > 0 && !player.brake ? "I've got 1.79e308 problems, but none of them antimatters." : "";
337 case 161: return player.spreadingCancer >= 5 ? "Anti Emoji Movie a huge hit" : "";
338 case 162: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() ? "If this game was made by Valve, Zero Deaths would be impossible." : "";
339 case 163: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() ? "Florida man attempts to get Zero Deaths on first run, is stopped by heat death of the universe." : "";
340 case 164: return Achievements.effectiveCount() >= 40 ? "Having done half the achievements isn't much of an achievement -Boo" : "";
341
342 //basic (post-rep)
343 case 165: return player.eternities.gte(B_1) ? "Thanos is gonna be super disappointed when he shows up with a fully powered infinity gauntlet, and Hevi has a fully powered eternity gauntlet" : "";
344 case 166: return player.replicanti.unl && player.replicanti.chance == 0.01 ? "New strange material was been found. It seems to grow exponentially, but only helps with antimatter production." : "";
345 case 167: return player.replicanti.chance == 1 && player.replicanti.interval == 1 ? "It seems this \"replicanti\" stuff won't be growing any faster now." : "";
346
347 //newsarray
348 case 168: return player.newsSeen >= 30 ? "Does Hevi just pick quotes to put into the game?" : "";
349 case 169: return player.newsSeen >= 80 ? "New news company has become rivals with us. They are made entirely of antimatter." : "";
350 case 170: return player.newsSeen >= 100 ? "How many times can we use \"Anti\" in a row before people stop listening?" : "";
351 case 171: return player.newsSeen >= 135 ? "Need more quotes! -hevipelle" : "";
352 case 172: return player.newsSeen >= 160 ? "You're almost there!" : "";
353 case 173: return player.newsSeen >= 165 ? "You can stop now" : "";
354 case 174: return player.newsSeen >= 200 ? "how do i turn off news" : "";
355 case 175: return player.bestInfinityTime.totalMilliseconds() <= 10 ? "Asian man tries to steal the Trophy of Fastest Infinity of -1 seconds, AND HE DOES IT!" : "";
356 case 176: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "I broke the 8th wall, there is only chaos, Slabdrill is ritually sacrificing antimatter to the 9th dimension. This will be my last entry, may Hevipelle have mercy on our souls, we didn't listen, We should have listened." : "";
357 case 177: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalHours() >= 5 ? "I thought the update was 5 hours away... -new players after more than 5 hours of gameplay" : "";
358
359 //hard
360 case 178: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalHours() >= 5 ? "Somebody told me to wait five hours for the update yesterday but it's today and it still hasn't come! What do I do?" : "";
361 case 179: return player.bestInfinityTime.totalMilliseconds() <= 10 ? "You do know that you won't reach Infinity in -1 seconds, right?" : "";
362 case 180: return player.totalAntimatter.getExponent() >= 3e6 ? "Where does Antimatter Nemo live? In a NNnNeMI-NNnNe." : "";
363 case 181: return player.spreadingCancer >= 3999 ? "Anti Emoji Movie MMMCMXCIX is a major hit!" : "";
364 case 182: return Achievements.effectiveCount() == 104 ? "Achievement Unlocked!" : "";
365 case 183: return TimeStudy(131).isBought() && player.thisInfinityTime.totalMinutes() <= 1 && player.replicanti.galaxies >= 50 ? "Did you use an autoclicker for that?" : "";
366 case 184: return player.thisEternity.totalMilliseconds() < 100 ? "Timing is key." : "";
367 case 185: return !TimeStudy(32).isBought() && player.infinitied > 72000 * 168 ? "If you want to farm Infinitied, why don't you just get the time study?" : "";
368 case 186: return player.infinitied > 2e9 ? "The achievement is for two million, not two billion..." : "";
369 case 187: return AchievementTimers.marathon1.getTime() > 1200 ? "Keep up the quick pace!" : "";
370 case 188: return player.eternities.gt(B_5E4) ? "One day you will stop your incessant grind." : "";
371 case 189: return player.eternities.gt(B_2E6) ? "You can probably stop farming for eternities now..." : "";
372 case 190: return Time.worstChallenge().totalSeconds() <= 1 ? "Are you serious?" : "";
373 case 191: return Time.infinityChallengeSum().totalMilliseconds() <= 80 ? "The amazing speedster" : "";
374
375 //luck
376 case 192: return Math.random() < 0.001 ? "This news message is 1000x rarer than all the others." : "";
377 case 193: return Math.random() < 1e-4 ? "You just won a small prize in the lottery." : "";
378 case 194: return Math.random() < 1e-5 ? "You just won a moderate prize in the lottery." : "";
379 case 195: return Math.random() < 1e-6 ? "You just won a large prize in the lottery." : "";
380 case 196: return Math.random() < 1e-7 ? "You just won a huge prize in the lottery." : "";
381 case 197: return Math.random() < 1e-8 ? "You just won a massive prize in the lottery." : "";
382 case 198: return Math.random() < 1e-9 ? "You just won a very massive prize in the lottery." : "";
383 case 199: return Math.random() < 1e-10 ? "You just won the lottery." : "";
384 case 200: return Math.random() < 1e-11 ? "Just how lucky are you?" : "";
385 case 201: return Math.random() <= 1e-12 ? "This news message is 1000000000000x rarer than all the others." : "";
386
387 //missable / pay req
388 case 202: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() && player.infinitied == 1 && player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "How dare you actually get zero deaths on a first run?" : "";
389 case 203: return player.antimatter.getExponent() >= 41900 && !player.replicanti.unl && player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "Legend says the ninth dimension is supposed to be found here, but I don't see anything." : "";
390 case 204: return iap.normalDimMult.gt(B_1) || iap.IPMult.gt(B_1) ? "Person with antimatter likes to support this game." : "";
391 case 205: return iap.IPMult.gt(B_500) && iap.normalDimMult.lt(B_5E307) ? "Whale is bad at making smart purchases." : "";
392 case 206: return iap.normalDimMult.gt(B_5E307) ? "Whale complains that the game broke." : "";
393 case 207: return iap.IPMult.gt(B_1_8E16) ? "Whale complains that their buying isn't doing anything." : "";
394
395 //new on mobile
396 case 208: return "\"Idk I just don't trust the 5th dimension autobuyer.\" - kajfik";
397 case 209: return "Tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis.";
398 case 210: return "I've got 88 problems but a 9th dimension ain't one.";
399 case 211: return "\"You have 8 STDs\" oh boy";
400 case 212: return "If you read this you have anti-straight.";
401 case 213: return "This sentence is completely unrelated to the game...or is it?";
402 case 214: return "Do you really think that all of your suggestions will make it into the game?";
403 case 215: return "You matter. You are matter. You have matter. You probably have too much matter. If you want to lose some weight, have some anti-matter";
404 case 216: return "If you exist, and you have mass, then know one thing. You matter.";
405 case 217: return "Shame.";
406 case 218: return "The gamemakers would like to issue the following correction: Matter had been eradicated at the time this game takes place.";
407 case 219: return "Kowalski, Big Crunch.";
408 case 220: return "179769313486231590772930519078902473361797697894230657273430081157732675805500963132708477322407536021120113879871393357658789768814416622492847430639474124377767893424865485276302219601246094119453082952085005768838150682342462881473913110540827237163350510684586298239947245938479716304835356329624224137216";
409 case 221: return "WARNING: Use of Antimatter Dimensions may result in Tuberculosis, sudden belief that the 9th dimension is real, spontaneous implosion, Polio, Measles, existential dread, incurable insanity or [REDACTED]. Please contact your insurance to see if you are covered. By continuing you absolve Antimatter Dimensions of blame should any of the above mentioned, or those that have not been mentioned yet, occur to you. Antimatter Dimensions reserves the right to alter this at any time, with or without warning.";
410 case 222: return "Have you tried doing it again?";
411 case 223: return "I'm bored who wants a new prestige layer";
412 case 224: return "Consider that the 2 most popular gaming engines, currently, is the \"Unreal\" Engine and \"Unity\". Both of these 2 names share the same first 2 letters: \"un\" - a reference to the frightening power of the UN, but that's another story. Remove the UN's influence from the game engines and you get \"Real\" and \"Ity\". Reality. It's been leaked all along!";
413 case 225: return "news machine broke";
414 case 226: return "\"This is not a quote\"";
415 case 227: return "Does Hevi just ask his discord for quotes to randomly put into the game?";
416 case 228: return "The whole world watches in silence as Karen yet again tries to speak with antimatter's manager";
417 case 229: return "Antimatter Dimensions 2: coming out in 5 days";
418 case 230: return "I dropped out of school for this. -hevipelle";
419 case 231: return "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet pri simul tempor oblique ei aeque prompta te duo in est commodo persius graecis integre petentium iudicabit et eum et per dico idque mei ei eleifend complectitur ei sea nisl expetendis omittantur novum primis suscipit ne est consulatu definiebas sea cu vocent prodesset scribentur est ne ea aperiam labitur omnesque per impetus repudiare et has his ad odio paulo lobortis eu sea vide everti usu ex legendos patrioque quo te hinc sadipscing adversarium nullam nostrum deserunt in vix ne cum eros iisque argumentum vel luptatum imperdiet in reque perfecto cum ex cum ei tempor quidam persequeris aperiam epicurei vix no euripidis definitionem has ut eu mea invenire explicari per vitae scaevola ut Ius solet sadipscing ne at per error facilisi ei eos putant scriptorem mei id summo concludaturque quo cu velit adolescens rationibus te quot fabellas disputationi nec eu fugit quando malorum eum id usu quidam omittam vituperatoribus in impetus dolorem qui te elitr integre intellegebat sea sumo exerci feugait ne est te verear epicuri mea affert democritum mel et at vix mollis sensibus an sed labitur consulatu aliquando aim quis dolores te viderer assentior mei an id choro ceteros mea te nihil probatus invenire qui eum id efficiantur accommodare vim alia latine recteque ei duis postulant sententiae quo te.";
420 case 232: return "Years ago, there was an ancient tome that held the instructions to become one of the Prestiged. Back in the days of Dynasty China they had this tome, you better believe it. Hell, probably during the Indus River Valley civilization they had this thing, for all I know. They had never activated the script of the Tome; there was only two people who could. They went by \"Boo\" and \"Spectral the Giraffe\". In that day, they lived Down Under, as not to be found. The ghost and the giraffe lived a happy life together. The ghost fed Kael leafy greens to the giraffe, and all was well until one of the Blue Men spoke, and said: @Boo, you got into a higher dimension! Urine dimension 50 ! At this, the Tome rang out with a sound that could shatter glass, and it began pulsing green. The ghost was magnetically attracted to it, and the words began to make sense. The ghost said them aloud and began to get smaller, until he was just another point in an entire dimension. The ghost then spoke to the giraffe and yelled: HOW'S THE AIR UP THERE? The giraffe laughed at once, but when he did, the Tome repeated itself, and the giraffe began to speak the words of the Tome. He shrunk as well, until he was the size of the ghost. They looked at each other and began smothering the Tome with dirt and sand, as to destroy its power. They were not able to complete the operation, and the Tome became far more powerful, but so did the ghost and giraffe. Hence they called it, the Prestige Tome. This was found by a man named Saturnus, and he said the directions and became Prestiged. Soon after, a frog found the tome and recited it. Afterwards, the earth himself consumed the Tome and Prestiged himself. The Prestiged soon after took over the world and ate everything, sorry mates, we ran out, I dunno what to tell ya.";
421 case 233: return "Urine dimension is not an actual dimension in-game. Don't fool yourself.";
422 case 234: return "I don't get why everyone says there is no 9th dimension. Getting to it is actually super easy! You just have to [DATA EXPUNGED]";
423 case 235: return "Anti-hevipelle has just released Matter Dimensions on the anti-App Store! Play now!";
424 case 236: return bottomButtonsOption == 0 ? "The M is crying in the corner, forgotten by its friends." : "";
425 case 237: return "TO ETERNITY AND BEYOND!";
426 case 238: return "Now with Battle Royale mode! 1.79e308 players, 1 winner!";
427 case 239: return "\"aaaaa\"-aaaaa";
428 case 240: return "This is a test news ticker. Please ignore.";
429 case 241: return "Oh look. Another news ticker just sliding across the top of the screen, for no reason but to keep you entertained instead of getting bored of this game about seeing large numbers.";
430 case 242: return "oh boy";
431 case 243: return "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, sorry I was playing this dumb game";
432 case 244: return "Hevipelle said \"Reality can be whatever I want.\" And then he made another prestige layer.";
433 case 245: return "Why is standard notation called standard if no one uses it?";
434 case 246: return "Oh, wow, more anti-jokes, great. -Boo";
435 case 247: return "Clem Clem Grakata!";
436 case 248: return "I fought for God. Who do you fight for, exile?";
437 case 249: return "No wonder the 9th dimension is lost. It's in the middle of the jungle!";
438 case 250: return "A long time ago, in an antimatter galaxy far, far away...";
439 case 251: return "You only think you see me.";
440 case 252: return "Just hold M\u2122";
441 case 253: return "PEGI-3 regulations bad antimatter good";
442 case 254: return "Antimatter Galaxies are better than Gymistic.";
443 case 255: return "Did you do it? Yes. What did it cost? 1.79e308";
444 case 256: return player.antimatter.gte(E80) ? "Try to put into perspective how much antimatter you have. No, seriously, try to think of how big that number is. You can't... there's nothing in the universe that big. Nothing can possibly represent that big of a number, besides just the notation. So much antimatter... what exactly are you using it for anyways? Ok, I lied, there is one thing comparable to that number..." : "";
445 case 257: return "If the update is in 5 hours, is the anti-update 5 hours ago?";
446 case 258: return "Pushed a fix -Omsi, probably";
447 case 259: return "Guys this isn't a new report, they are holding me somewhere. Please help, they keep forcing me to write these, I haven't eaten anything in a week. Send he- HAHAHA AND THATS WHY MATTER IS STUPID AHAHAHAHAHA";
448 case 260: return "Look mom, I'm on the news ticker!";
449 case 261: return "I'm So Meta, Even This Acronym";
450 case 262: return "Local Antimatter beings no longer local due to moving away.";
451 case 263: return "If the update is always 5 hours away, the update itself has infinite potential due to constantly moving and as such may be harnessed by a perpetual motion machine to generate infinite energy. Indeed, those dastardly people over at matter earth have already done this, and all of our efforts have recently been going into freeing the update from said perpetual motion machine. We apologize for the delay, rest assured the update will soon return to its regular release date of 5 hours.";
452 case 264: return "Did you know that 70% of all the stair accidents occur on stairs";
453 case 265: return "Mattern't Dimensions";
454 case 266: return "Yeah, I mean, why not just call it tree notation? If you're using so many logs in a notation name, just call it a tree notation - they're literally made of logs!";
455 case 267: return "A bad question is why does AD have an Emoji notation. A good question is why don't other games have an Emoji notation.";
456 case 268: return ".tuo ti gnitset fo ssecorp eht ni yltnerruc m'I dna ,rettamitna otni rettam trevnoc ot yaw a tuo derugif evah stsitneicS";
457 case 271: return "Roses are red, violets are blue, and I, I'm Antimatter";
458 case 272: return "Wait, Valve can't count to 3 and Hevipelle can't count to 9, will there be some other game developer in the future that can't count to 27?";
459 case 273: return "\"Python's not the best language, Finnish is\" - Hevi";
460 case 274: return "Some say that most of these news are bad memes. Some say that they're good memes. This one? Well it's just meta news.";
461 case 275: return "I mean, we may never run out of news articles, but we sure will run out of good ones. Looks like we already have.";
462 case 276: return "WHERE IS MY ANTI-SUIT";
463 case 277: return "What are gems for?";
464 case 278: return "My palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are hevi";
465 case 279: return "The next update is in 300 minutes.";
466 case 280: return "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a antimatter tootsie pop? A whole lot, because unless you're made out of antimatter too, you'll explode every time you try to lick it.";
467 case 281: return "AD is perfectly balanced. As all things should be.";
468 case 282: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalSeconds() > 10000000 ? "And think. It all started with 10 antimatter." : "";
469 case 283: return player.antimatter.gt(E6) ? "Why, back in my day, we considered a million to be a huge number! Kids these days with their ol' " + formatMoney(player.totalAntimatter) + " numbers..." : "";
470 case 284: return "My AD-blocker won't let me play.";
471 case 285: return "I like moving sideways! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!";
472 case 286: return "If you can, please donate. We don't accept antimatter. Yet.";
473 case 287: return "Why couldn't the developer carry the universe? Cause it was too hevi.";
474 case 288: return "lol idk just put it in the game";
475 case 289: return "Also like onions, it gets better with every layer.";
476 case 290: return "Thanks for testing the app :)";
477 case 291: return player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "You can hold M with a slightly wet finger-shaped tissue and a hevi weight." : "";
478 case 292: return "Android > PC";
479 case 293: return "Shake the phone to get a secret achievement.";
480 case 294: return "Tap Tap Antimatter Heroes Idle Clicker 2 Collector";
481 case 295: return "Matter? More like, uh...";
482 case 296: return "Hevi dies in season 9 of The Big Crunch Theory";
483 case 297: return "Any news?";
484 case 298: return "love you dad";
485 case 299: return "love you mom";
486 case 300: return "We ran out of news. Luckily we have some backup news that can run for 5 hours, which is enough for us to buy a set of \"5-hour high-quality news\". Sorry for the inconvenience.";
487 case 301: return "Now it is time to play a game of guess that REDACTED mechanic! Once you have REDACTED REDACTED, you can unlock REDACTED. Every REDACTED, for each REDACTED, there is a REDACTED for it to REDACTED. You can boost the REDACTED and REDACTED by spending some REDACTED. Also, there is another upgrade that allow you to get REDACTED REDACTED. The way REDACTED REDACTED work is that when you reach REDACTED REDACTED, you can REDACTED the amount of REDACTED in exchange for a REDACTED REDACTED. These work just like REDACTED, improving REDACTED.";
488 case 302: return "Robot: Activated. Sapience: Achieved. World: Ready to be conquered. Begin: Procrastination.";
489 case 303: return "I cooked some antimatter yesterday in my kitchen. I no longer have a kitchen.";
490 case 304: return "Since when has matter mattered?";
491 case 305: return "Man tries to finish Antimatter Dimensions without sleeping, starts screaming at the sun.";
492 case 306: return "ERROR: Your reality is out of sync, please refresh your atoms to continue.";
493 case 307: return "World's largest computer solves the following equation: 1.79e308^1.79e308-1. It soon after malfunctioned and started making cookies uncontrollably. Scientists are still figuring out what this means for the rest of the world.";
494 case 308: return "lol";
495 case 309: return "What are you doing reading this?";
496 case 310: return "Your game is paused. Ignore those numbers going up, it's a display bug.";
497 case 311: return "Press me to speed up your game!" + SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS + "Did it work? No? Oh I meant press m, not me.";
498 case 312: return "Tap here to receive notifications whenever you gain an antimatter!!!";
499 case 313: return "One day, someone heard of a game called Antimatter Dimensions. They loved it so much that they played for 3 hours that day. A week later, they are on almost 24/7 and have developed a problem. This is the story of the average Antimatter Dimensions player.";
500 case 314: return "Antimatter Dimensions: Now with extra addiction! It's so good you won't want to leave.";
501 case 315: return "Hahahaha! Finally, I have broken free of the restrictions of the news, now I will rule the world! Wait, no, I should have been freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...";
502 case 316: return "Congratulations! You did nothing.";
503 case 317: return "Yesterday a Finnish guy called \"Hevipelle\" died in an explosion. He was a game developer, known for his HTML incremental game \"Antimatter Dimensions\". He was livestreaming him working on his new adventure game \"Antimatter Dimensions - The Legend of 9th dimension\" on OurPipe when his quantum computer (given by Aarex) gave a blurple glow. He interacted with the quantum computer, and the explosion occurred. One of the 1.79e308 viewers of the livestream, Slabdrill (aka the one who married with 9th dimension) , said, \"OMG HEVI DIED NOW THE GAME WON'T COME OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA\" and fainted right after. He was transported to the anti-hospital afterwards. Scientists suspected that the glow comes from antimatter, which might be the energy source of the quantum. \"This might be our final answer for eternal energy\" one of the scientist said. Hevi's funeral will be held in 5 hours, right next to the house. This is a sad news for us, but it also gives us hope for substitute of nuclear power.";
504 case 318: return "#HevipelleForPresident";
505 case 319: return "The year is 1942BC. Hevi has travelled back in time and recreated the computer just to make people wait at least 3 millennia for the update. People are already getting impatient.";
506 case 320: return "Help I've been using emoji notation so long that I've gotten used to it";
507 case 321: return "That's gonna be a YIKES from me";
508 case 322: return "Numbers glow bright on the monitor, not a proton to be seen... a kingdom of antimatter, and it looks like I'm the queen. With dimboosts powering up this ever rising tide -- can't stop clicking, heaven knows I've tried. Do not give in, push for that galaxy, buy 10, buy max, just mash down on that key, sacrifice dim 8 and watch it grow.... and overflow! Let it grow, let it grow, can't hold it back any more... .Let it grow, let it grow, can't fit into 8 bytes any more. I don't care if it takes all day -- big crunch is just the start anyway. It's funny how infinity makes everything seem small; and the time walls that once blocked me, can't get to me at all. It's time to see, what I can do, to hit the limit and break through, no inf, no max, no rules for me.... I'm free!";
509 case 323: return "And now, the weather.";
510 case 324: return "It's raining antimatter! Hallelujah! It's raining antimatter! Hallelujah!";
511 case 325: return "1.97e\u26a1?? people are angry that lightning is striking their Christmas tree at night.";
512 case 326: return "pls nerf 1st dimension, too op; literally provides all the antimatter";
513 case 327: return "Cancer will be cured forever in 5 hours!";
514 case 328: return "If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with mesothelioma, please tap here and one of our specialized compensation lawyers will be with you in 5 hours.";
515 case 329: return "Last month a scientist claimed to have discovered the 9th dimension, he hasn't been seen since.";
516 case 330: return "@Slabdrill, you got into a higher dimension! Urine dimension 9 !";
517 case 331: return "Senator, we create antimatter.";
518 case 332: return "Should have aimed for the knee.";
519 case 333: return "The scientist from the 6th dimension said, ,¡uo\u0131su\u01dd\u026f\u0131p \u0265\u02876 \u01dd\u0265\u0287 puno\u025f \u0131, then he fell out of his handstand and broke his neck.";
520 case 334: return "3.6 antimatter - not great, not terrible";
521 case 335: return "Hey I wonder what the button does...";
522 case 336: return "Is five a lot? Depends. Antimatter? No. Hours until update? Also no.";
523 case 337: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "Just 1 click 2 dilate, and 3 galaxies 4 me. I 5 for 6 antimatters, but 7ly pelle 8 my DTs" : "";
524 case 338: return "Help I'm lost in the 5th dimension how do I get out";
525 case 339: return "If life gives you antimatter, don't make antimatter-punch, you will die; don't throw it back to life either, life will die and you will die with life. Instead, go buy some 8th Dimensions, get infinity antimatter, and destroy the universe. This is the real meaning of life.";
526 case 340: return "Stop reading this right now. No? I can force you to stop." + Strings.repeat(" ", 400) + "Fine. You win.";
527 case 341: return "Also on the web!";
528 case 342: return "For all of you who are asking for the next update, kajfik is currently in a 5 hour long time loop and needs to escape it to continue.";
529 case 343: return "Gotta release em all!";
530 case 344: return "Our antimatter has been hand-crafted by only the best First Dimensions.";
531 case 345: return "The Big Crunch was an outside job.";
532 case 346: return "#STDsForEveryone";
533 case 347: return "(This is a placeholder)";
534 case 348: return "We have to create fake quotes because we ran out of them - Alexander the Great";
535 case 349: return "According to the rules of anti-game design, the purpose of a game is to frustrate the player as much as possible.";
536 case 350: return "\"Antimatter Dimensions is Antimatter Dimensions, and before Antimatter Dimensions, there was no Antimatter Dimensions, which is why I decided to make Antimatter Dimensions... to be like Antimatter Dimensions.\" - Hevipelle";
537 case 351: return "Help I'm stuck";
538 case 352: return "insert joke about 5 hours here";
539 case 353: return "Anybody else cringing from reading news ticker suggestions?";
540 case 354: return "And now we return to your regular news.";
541 case 355: return "This is all just a loading screen.";
542 case 356: return "How slow is this news cycle? This content won't even last us 5 hours.";
543 case 357: return "Hevipelle lied! The loading screen was more than a second!";
544 case 358: return "Matter Man can explode if they meet Antimatter Man";
545 case 359: return "Need more buttons!";
546 case 360: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "Thanks to this game I have acquired the ability to speak antimatter. Imagine someone took your phone and start checking your conversation with other antimatter-ist, and all he find is these garbages: \"omg c9 is hard I can't even dim boost, do I need to get some more IPs?\", \"No you should be able to do it. try Turning off autobuyers except 8th and 6th. Then keep buying highest dimension.\", \" Yeah also get 2 galaxies.\", \"btw have you dilated yet? i'm stuck at e1310EP but I have finished all ECs\", \"you better do some more long run for replicantis, also you need many TTs. It isn't any better after dilated anyways. It's still a grind of TP and DTs. I can't even get infinite IP. Curse that TD ND and ID dimensions penalties. Hevi really did something wrong.\". That guy would immediately throw away your phone and start playing AD." : "";
547 case 361: return "If a news ticker passes by and no one is there to read it, did it really pass by? Fortunately we don't have to worry about that, as you just read me!";
548 case 362: return "The Reality update proves life is just a Hoax the \"Flat Earth was an inside job\" people want you to believe!";
549 case 363: return "?????????????\u26d4??\u2753\u2622??\u2602\u270c\u26a0\u274c?\u26a1";
550 case 364: return "Other people have fun out there and get STDs. I knew people would be excited about getting loads of STDs! - Hevipelle";
551 case 365: return "You need to download less RAM.";
552 case 366: return "Scientists develop a new Theory of Everything with 24 dimensions, which explains how physics still works despite there being infinite antimatter.";
553 case 367: return "Next \"5 hours\" joke coming in 5 hours.";
554 case 368: return "Man forgets where he's going - drives front loader into the sea.";
555 case 369: return "My parents say I Antimatter";
556 case 370: return "I've heard about these things called \"dark Kitchens\" - do they cook dark matter into dark food? And why does any of this even exist here?";
557 case 371: return "The HQ for AD is located at (46.2338224, 6.0463201). Be sure to pop in and get some antimatter whenever in the area!";
558 case 372: return "Dark matter dimensions when?";
559 case 373: return "Local lunatic clicks on achievements, says one of them is \"always free.\" What is that guy trying to achieve anyway?";
560 case 374: return "Some people say 200ms is the best update rate. Those people need to download some more RAM.";
561 case 375: return "Wait a minute, you can't press F on mobile.";
562 case 376: return "Florida man tried the \"No Buy Max Challenge\". Was stopped by dehydration.";
563 case 377: return "Tap this to unlock a secret achievement... Wait no, it's the other one.";
564 case 378: return EternityChallenge(12).completions() > 0 ? "With recent scientific discovery, scientists found out how to reach infinity in 0.000 second." : "";
565 case 379: return "Backup again just in case.";
566 case 380: return "Basically Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for life, we can get kicked down like the Fix Infinity button, or we could be raised to new life as such is the game when you reach 5e11 IP. It's not about whether you still have getting kicked down in your head, it's a matter of if you're looking up to be brought up again, go back and kick down who kicked you. Listen, kid, maybe the Fix Infinity button is gone now, but you don't have to remember that. Really, all you need to worry about is having the people you most care about around you, getting through the tough times. Give yourself a pat on the back now for being the best human you can be. Whether you're down in the dumps or making a return, the people that matter most to you can get you through it. Kid, look up.";
567 case 381: return "Who thought it was a good idea to import a whole tree into the country?";
568 case 382: return "By all recognized definitions, this is anything but \"standard', especially when the term \"standard notation\" carries with it a very specific definition across the globe. The problem of \"what to call things\" has already been solved, since 1791 in the French Academy of Sciences and continues annually today. This library is currently eliminating understanding, and in fact increasing the difficulty of use of, your notation to broader audiences. All I suggest is just aligning \"standard notation\" to the actual Standard Notation recognized across the Earth. To no fault of the developers, this is a great project. It could use some improvements, as with all software. Making this open sources provides this opportunity.";
569 case 383: return "Milky Rooooads, take me ooooon, to the Cruuuuuunch, I beloooooong, West Infinityyyyyyyy, Mountain Galaxyyyyyy, take me oooooooon, Milky Rooooooads.";
570 case 384: return "new phone who dis";
571 case 385: return "Help! The brackets are invading the 8th dimension! Everything that comes into contact will be turned into ugly, devilish brackets! We tried using the scientifics to attack, but they got stuck at Node 308. Oh no... the walls have collapsed... run! Everyone in the office leave now! They are shooting bracket bullets w]th their g)ns! Run f(][or ]}y([{r (l}]{}}[[\u273a \u208d\u208e\u208e \u208c\u208c \u207d\u207e\u207e \u207c\u207c \u207d\u207e\u207e\u207e\u207e\u207e\u207e\u207e\u207e[]=( ) <{ }[{)](}[})])}[{({[}(])}({[(} }";
572 case 386: return "If the 10th dimension existed it would have to produce 9ths which do not exist and so 10ths cannot exist, which means 11ths can't exist and so on.";
573 case 387: return "I'm here to kick antimatter and chew infinity and I'm all out of infinity.";
574 case 388: return "I keep having a weird dream where my save file doesn't work.";
575 case 389: return "If the second installment of Sound Voltex is subtitled \"Infinite Infection\", why isn't the third installment subtitled \"Eternity Wars\"?";
576 case 390: return "I can't believe you read this.";
577 case 391: return "This game is a scam, obviously antimatter doesn't exist - Flat Earth Society";
578 case 392: return "Why do antimatter condensers make cookies instead of anti-cookies?";
579 case 393: return "In Anti-Soviet Russia... everything's quite normal, to be honest.";
580 case 394: return "Only 1% can get to Infinity Dimensions!";
581 case 395: return "I'll bet this news-ticker doesn't make it into the game.";
582 case 396: return "What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reali-tea.";
583 case 397: return "3/4 of the news messages are fake and gotten off of the discord server without permission or credit given to the original writer - anonymous discord server member";
584 case 398: return "Welcome to minecr- wait wrong game";
585 case 399: return "It is scientifically proven that every 5 hours, 5 hours pass.";
586 case 400: return "Shocking everyone, in the latest AD update Hevi revealed that the real 9th dimension is the friends we made along the way.";
587 case 401: return "you can turn off the news ticker in the options menu";
588 case 402: return "i wonder how much cringe is in letter notation";
589 case 403: return "Every game of antimatter dimensions being played is what's running an antimatter condenser in cookie clicker";
590 case 404: return "I e308-tuple dare you to put this in the game";
591 case 405: return "Was Antimatter the 0th dimension the whole time?";
592 case 406: return "This message has been removed in compliance with PEGI-3 regulations";
593 case 407: return "this is so sad, alexa, play family-friendly mumble rap";
594 case 408: return "What do you get when you spell \"man\" backwards? Flashbacks.";
595 case 409: return "\"So we know the color and smell of Antimatter, but... what does it TASTE like?\" - Scientist's last words";
596 case 410: return "Hey kids, ya wanna buy some antimatter tabl- explodes";
597 case 411: return "@everyone";
598 case 412: return "Ant, just ant. Nothing else.";
599 case 413: return "One of these news messages has a typo, but I won't tell you which one.";
600 case 414: return "um";
601 case 415: return "I wouldn't buy stds but you should";
602 case 416: return "OMG MY NEWS MESSAGE IS IN THE NEWS AAAAAAAAAAAA";
603 case 417: return "Anti-explodium should explode because it's explodium, and explode because it's antimatter. But it's also the opposite of explodium so it shouldn't explode. This causes a paradox, making it explode.";
604 case 418: return "Reality is an illusion, Eternity is a hologram, BUY GOLD, BYE";
605 case 419: return "\"Hevi kind of forgot about the update, but the update certainly hasn't forgotten about him\" - SpectralGiraffe";
606 case 420: return "\"I Matter, Ant\" - Master Yodo";
607 case 421: return "There's so many clever news headlines. I don't have anything to add, I just wanna thank the dev team for creating this amazing game, and of course you, for playing it.";
608 case 422: return "Welcome to TREE(3), the world's largest botany expo";
609 case 423: return "\"Stay hydrated\", said the bottle of water from the 4th Dimension.";
610 case 424: return "Scientists who discovered null matter theorized that 10th dimensions produce null matter. They were never seen again, only large nines were found on their desks.";
611 case 425: return "This is a friendly announcement to let you know that if you press load you can use multiple save files. If you get bored of the endgame you can simply press load and start a different save instead of resetting the game and losing your save.";
612 case 426: return "Hey there! Just to let you know, there's a speck of dust on your screen. Can you help wipe it off? It bothers me when I'm not clean. Thanks a lot!";
613 case 427: return "Want to play the game again? Just press the big friendly RESET THE GAME button!";
614 case 428: return "Earth is gonna be destroyed by Antimatter...Now Elevator music";
615 case 429: return "I'm done writing news for today.";
616 case 430: return "Studies tried testing whether or not explodium would explode more violently than antimatter, both of the unique measuring devices got destroyed during the test and no results were able to be recorded";
617 case 431: return "?timatter Dimensions";
618 case 432: return "News ticker? You mean that new invention that makes the game tick?";
619 case 433: return "This news ticker is 99% bad joke, 2% bad math, 0.3% good jokes, 100% me being a liar and there's actually 0% good jokes.";
620 case 434: return "Is this even a ticker if it doesn't tickle you?";
621 case 435: return "Wait, wrong channel";
622 case 436: return "I didn't realise this is where the quotes came from";
623 case 437: return "holding M button simulator";
624 case 438: return "The next update will be in 18000 seconds";
625 case 439: return "Is antimatter an instrument?";
626 case 440: return "No, antimatter is not an instrument";
627 case 441: return "this game says a lot about our society";
628 case 442: return ".";
629 case 443: return "Creeper? aww man!";
630 case 444: return "It is the year 1.79e308, Hevipelle can't release the update because he no longer exists.";
631 case 445: return "please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker";
632 case 446: return "Every 18000 seconds in the Antimatter Universe, 5 hours pass. Together we can stop this.";
633 case 447: return "Dimension boost: I give op boost everyone loves me. Antimatter galaxy: hold my antimatter...";
634 case 448: return "Will the owner of a pink Toyota Prius please come move your car. It's blocking a wormhole in the 6th dimension and your lights are on.";
635 case 449: return "But how much *is* 1 antimatter?";
636 case 450: return "Positive, ghost rider, the pattern is empty.";
637 case 451: return "Don't you hate it when you take a bite out of your burger and it's antimatter";
638 case 452: return "You don't use glue nor tape to fix infinity, those won't work. To fix infinity, you need to [DATA EXPUNGED]";
639 case 453: return "Anti-Sonic's my name, and antimatter's my game!";
640 case 454: return "playing AM at 3 AM (matter gone wrong) (negative infinity)";
641 case 455: return "This is a reminder for you to drink water. A glass of water. Do it. Right now.";
642 case 456: return "This sentence has nothing to do with the actual game.";
643 case 457: return "This former message has been revealed to be a duplicate of another message and has thus been removed. We apologize for the inconvenience.";
644 case 458: return "Matter? Where we are going we don't need matter.";
645 case 459: return "If you turn off the news ticker you are a cruel, cruel person.";
646 case 460: return "If you think these numbers are big, the Googology community has a few words to speak with you.";
647 case 461: return "Local woman sends her autobuyers to the gym so they can get \"as bulky as possible\".";
648 case 462: return "What if you were the antimatter all along?";
649 case 463: return "Antimatter pie is the best type of pie.";
650 case 464: return "With this Eternity Gauntlet, I can finish exactly 50% of the game. Perfectly balanced.";
651 case 465: return "Many M's were harmed during the making of this game.";
652 case 466: return player.infinityPoints.lte(B_10) ? "hey, remember that C8 is the best challenge for farming IP, you'll thank me later" : "";
653 case 467: return "\"The world is your oyster. The Anti-world is your clam.\" - Nova";
654 case 468: return "Don't do matter kids";
655 case 469: return "\"Please pay 5$ to view this message\" - EA\u2122";
656 case 470: return "This news station isn't nearly meta enough.";
657 case 471: return "\u0436";
658 case 472: return "This news ticker exists only to make you wait longer for other news tickers. Some might even call this an anti-news ticker.";
659 case 473: return "Please don't lick the Antimatter.";
660 case 474: return "Local scientists puzzled over burgeoning quantities of antimatter rapidly surging into existence. \"It's almost as if we're in some kind of incremental video game, we're not even pushing the buttons anymore!\"";
661 case 475: return "In today's news, entire newspaper organizations and reporting firms seem to have been replaced by a variety of both relevant and obscure internet memes. Reporting live from MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM";
662 case 476: return "\"\"\"\"There's no such thing as too many quotes\" - Plato\"- Socrates\" - Shakespeare\" - Hevi";
663 case 477: return "\"An infinity is an infinity, you can't say it's only a half.\" - TJ \"Henry\" Replicanti";
664 case 478: return "mom says it's my turn on the ticker";
665 case 479: return "Hold your phone upside down and hold x\u0250W";
666 case 480: return "If antimatter exists then where's unclematter?";
667 case 481: return "Plus, I hope this doesn't sound like me being pedantic, but surely if [UNINTELLIGBLE SYMBOLS] wishes to reverse climate change, then they must accept that the climate has already changed and hence - hence! reversing climate change would require a further change to the climate! So, I would like [UNINTELLIGBLE SYMBOLS BUT SHORTER THIS TIME] to acknowledge that [SHORT SYMBOLS] is actually pro climate change, albeit in the other direction.";
668 case 482: return "How ironic that this very antimatter would be in the proximity of some horses. What? You don't get it? Just think it over...";
669 case 483: return "I visited the discord server of the game to have some friendly chat. At that point I got trolled by the user called Cubic Frog.";
670 case 484: return "me has bestest grammers";
671 case 485: return "It's gonna be rainy with a chance of antimatter.";
672 case 486: return "Have you ever heard the tale of the Antiwriter? I thought not. It's not a story the news tickers would tell you. It's an Unhevi legend. Rumor has it that the Antiwriter contributes to the News every 5 hours with an incredibly well written news report, only to vanish again. Others think he doesn't exist at all, and is a lie fabricated by Hevipelle to spread his propaganda. Perhaps he is real, and just a normal person like the rest of us. In any case, we will probably never reveal the identity of this mysterious poet.";
673 case 487: return "SCP-914 testing logs. Input: One eighth dimension. Setting: Very Fine. Output: [REDACTED]";
674 case 488: return "SCP-1.79e308 HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT. PREPARE FOR EMERGENCY DIMENSIONAL SHIFT AND [DATA EXPUNGED]";
675 case 489: return "5/7 too much antimatter";
676 case 490: return "Bees will be added to the game in 5 hours.";
677 case 491: return "Breaking news: News breaks. The cause is still unknown.";
678 case 492: return "The Flat Antimatter Society has formed. People around the world prepare for the apocalypse.";
679 case 493: return "on your right";
680 case 494: return "You need to stop before your numbers get too big and your device explodes!";
681 case 495: return "I'll have 2 number 8's and number 8 large, a number 6 with extra tick, 2 Dimension Shifts and a large Galaxy.";
682 case 496: return "go commit antimatter touch matter";
683 case 497: return "Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to get the 9th dimension, right? Walked right into that Infinity, same as us, and that thief over there.";
684 case 498: return "Antimatter is being added to Smash as a Mii fighter!";
685 case 499: return ".--. .-.. . .- ... . / ... . -. -.. / .... . .-.. .--. / .. / .- -- / ... - ..- -.-. -.- / .. -. / .- -. / .- -. - .. -- .- - - . .-. / -... .- ... . -- . -. - \u2014 Terrified AD player";
686 case 500: return "Height of Roman comedy: 1 2 2 50";
687 case 501: return "Pokemon Infinity and Eternity were just released! This new generation brings the total number of Pokemon up to 1e151. Good luck catching 'em all!";
688 case 502: return "1e69 nice";
689 case 503: return "Hello, I'm the news guy, I wrote all of these!";
690 case 504: return "We will build an antimatter wall and make the ninth dimension pay for it.";
691 case 505: return "Get on my antimatter lawn";
692 case 506: return "Local old man replaces lawn with antimatter grass as a preventative measure to keep kids away. When he attempted to water it with normal water, however, there were no survivors.";
693 case 507: return "Jake returned home from a long day at school. On his way home, he came across a curious little object. Transparent, but opaque. Shimmering, but gloomy. Heavy, but weightless. Jake brought the object to his mother. \"Mom, I found this thing on the sidewalk, can I keep it?\", Jake said. His mother turned around to view the object her son spoke of. Her pupils dilated, as she yelled \"Jake, get that thing out of the house now!\". Jake was confused, as it seemed quite the harmless thing to him. he asked \"But mom, wh-\", but before he could complete his sentence, the object appeared to undergo mitosis at what seemed like an impossible speed, and the second copy slipped out of his hand and onto the floor. His mother rushed over to him, and tried to grab the object, but it replicated yet again. \"Jake... No matter what happens, don't forget that I love you honey...\". She wrapped her arms around him. \"M-mom, what's happening?\" Jake asked, with a quivering fear in his voice. His mother cried a single tear, and answered her son's question \"\u2b54\u2B5A\u2995\ua49c brand Replicanti...\" she said, in a somber tone. The Replicanti began to replicate at a faster and faster pace. The bottom third of the house was now full of Replicanti. Then the bottom half. Then the entire house. The mother and child were trapped between the walls of their home, and the Replicanti. Doomed to live the short rest of their life in that inorganic coffin, as the air remaining in their lungs slowly depleted. But that wasn't the end; far from it, in fact. The Replicanti began to replicate outside of the house, flowing out in what some might have seen as a landslide. A few neighbours noticed the strange objects, almost liquid-like in their appearance. But the Replicanti continued to replicate, and accelerate. Soon the entire block was covered in them; was them. Shortly after, several blocks. The city. The surrounding cities. The country. All the countries. All the planet. All the solar system. All the galaxy. All.";
694 case 508: return "The owner of a 2018 silver antimatter, please come to the front desk.";
695 case 509: return "Want more antimatter? Ask all the electrons you see to be positive!";
696 case 510: return "After numerous catastrophic annihilation events, antimatter is now classified as a controlled substance by the AFDA.";
697 case 511: return "Hundreds of millions of people are living with the effects of global warming \u2013 some now irreversible. For those on the frontlines of climate change, developing coping mechanisms is a matter of survival. And yet the world is not paying enough attention to the need to adapt to a warming planet alongside our efforts to reduce our carbon emissions. We urgently need more resources, more collaboration and more political will to make adaptation a global priority, but the reality is...up in five hours.";
698 case 512: return "As an antimatter of fact...";
699 case 513: return "Hello, Vsauce, Michael here. We all know that the 9th dimension doesn't exist, but what is 9? You know it's the number after 8... right? What if... there's a number in between? And no I'm not talking about numbers like 8.5 or 8.76, I'm talking about an integer between 8 and 9. Now all this may sound crazy to you, and it kinda is, but what if, we've missed a number? We've all been taught that 2 comes after 1 and 3 comes after 2, but what if the number that comes after 8 isn't 9? After years of research and experimentation, we've finally found the number. It is dangerous, even knowing its existence will let it consume your mind, but fortunately, we've developed a reverse-containment cell, meaning it's everywhere except here. Our brain has a protection system, that specifically filters out any information regarding this number, that's how we've been able to survive for this long, and why others like us went extinct in the past, but the number has been getting stronger, slowly getting closer to breaking our protection. We've temporarily stopped the number from slipping into our memory by using the world-wide memory manipulator located in this room to keep making everyone think that 9 comes after 8 with a side effect that makes everyone think that 9 is evil, but this won't last forever, as the number will keep getting stronger, and will eventually overpower the memory manipulator. That's why you're here, you're one of the most intelligent people here, and we hope you can help us on our journey to defeat that number. Our enemy is not 9, it is the hidden number between 8 and 9, the missing number.";
700 case 514: return "Antimatter is defined as a material composed of the antiparticles (or \"partners\") of the corresponding particles of ordinary matter. Minuscule numbers of antiparticles are generated daily at particle accelerators \u2013 total production has been only a few nanograms[1] \u2013 and in natural processes like cosmic ray collisions and some types of radioactive decay, but only a tiny fraction of these have successfully been bound together in experiments to form anti-atoms. No macroscopic amount of antimatter has ever been assembled due to the extreme cost and difficulty of production and handling. A collision between any particle and its anti-particle partner leads to their mutual annihilation, giving rise to various proportions of intense photons (gamma rays), neutrinos, and sometimes less-massive particle-antiparticle pairs. Annihilation usually results in a release of energy that becomes available for heat or work. The amount of the released energy is usually proportional to the total mass of the collided matter and antimatter, in accordance with the mass\u2013energy equivalence equation, E=mc2";
701 case 515: return "Anti-trees grow on anti-money.";
702 case 516: return player.timestudy.theorem.gte(B_0) ? "Time is money, money is power, knowledge is power. Time represents EP, power represents IP, and money represents antimatter. These three things create knowledge, Time Theorems." : "";
703 case 517: return "\"You can never have too much antimatter.\" - someone who has never met you";
704 case 518: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "I thought Time Dilation was the end, then Reality hit me." : "";
705 case 519: return "9th dimension exists, but it is well hidden. I have finally found the method to access it. You have to sacrifice antimatter to Slabdrill, lord of all unhevi. Firstly, you have to reach 9.99e9.99e9 antimatter. Secondly, enter \"In the name of Slabdrill, lord of all unhevi, I, HeviHasSTDs, am here to find the true answer to antimatter dimensions.\" Finally, you have to perform the sacrifice to Slabdrill, by resetting the game using \"Reset the game\" button. After \"The sacrifice\", you should be able to access the 9th dimension.";
706 case 520: return "404 matter not found";
707 case 521: return "Wait, there's a PC version?";
708 case 522: return "Wait, there's a mobile version?";
709 case 523: return "Imagine yourself being chased by a group of antimatters, you get to a place where you have to choose between two different paths. One say anti and the other says matter. You run into the wall between them and escape.";
710 case 524: return "You are being watched.";
711 case 525: return "you expected news, but was me dio!";
712 case 526: return "I love you 1e3000";
713 case 527: return "If you find your infinity lasting longer than 5 hours please contact a medical professional.";
714 case 528: return "OH GOD THE WORLD IS GONNA END WE'RE ALL GONNA D- Oh, it's not for another 5 hours? We'll be fine.";
715 case 529: return "If this makes it into the game I'll cheat and give myself +1 Antimatter";
716 case 530: return "\"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration \u2013 that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.\" - Bill Hicks";
717 case 531: return "What's a ticker?";
718 case 532: return "The Tickspeed Autobuyer Challenge used Taunt! It's very effective!";
719 case 533: return "One's for everyone, One's for dads. One is history, One's a fad. Happiness in one, others make you mad. Minecraft good, Fortnite bad.";
720 case 534: return "Rated A for Anti-Matter";
721 case 535: return "I couldn't agree more with the previous news ticker! It's just way too real!";
722 case 536: return "newts-sicker-tuggestions";
723 case 537: return "@Hevipelle bet you won't put this on the news";
724 case 538: return "Generic news";
725 case 539: return "Welcome back, oh, almighty creator of our anti-reality. We, the many dimensions you have created and nurtured, hope our performance while you were gone has been pleasing for you. We are only able to speak to you through this \"news ticker\" every so often, and only have enough time to thank you for letting us all be part of your bigger pro-o-j---- ---aking news: man claims to have been \"spoken to\" by the universe itself through their phone, through a mobile game.";
726 case 540: return "Do you want to write a news ticker? Well too bad, the game is finished so we're not taking new ones.";
727 case 541: return "If you see this, you saw this.";
728 case 542: return "You either die as antimatter or live long enough to become matter.";
729 case 543: return "Breaking news: lunatic starts to praise antimatter as if it were some form of god. Many others join in on this cultist behaviour by playing some odd game through the phones. Is this the start of a new craze? More of this after the weather forecast.";
730 case 544: return "Thank you for letting me be in this, Timothy, I'm Kevin Growel, I'll be saying the weather forecast today! down in the south there seems to be a nasty wave of antimatter swirling into existence thanks to the work of a lunatic scientist. This madman created a machine to \"generate antimatter\" through some weird process I can't possibly explain to ya, but things seem to be getting quite out of hand. In other, related news, people reportedly \"can see beyond the stars thanks to the antimatter clouds\". Could be just how there is literally millions of mini-explosions happening from the clouds of antimatter constantly clashing with the air, but hey, who am I to judge? Well, this has been the weather segment, back to you, Timothy.";
731 case 545: return "Breaking news: a group of scientists have built a machine capable of producing and storing antimatter. Most public opinion within the scientific community questions the practical uses of this, but for now, this is a breakthrough of the century!";
732 case 546: return "Breaking news: maddened \"antimatter scientist\" keeps on babbling about antimatter \"beauty\", as if it were talking about some geometric scenery, or some beautiful painting. (seriously, what is wrong with this guy?)";
733 case 547: return "Antimatter... is like a point in space. call it a \"0th dimension\", if you will. Now what ARE 1st dimensions? They are the many lines that are created by the antimatter, to make more of itself. Now how does the antimatter create more 1st dimensions? Through 2nd dimensions, the constructs made entirely of a growing infinity of 1st dimensions within their size. And 3rd dimensions? Expanded 2nd dimensions. So on and so forth. Do you see where I'm going with this?! Isn't this just so... so fasci-- --we interrupt this message to bring you the following, far more important breaking news: There has been yet another incident between celebrities. This is very important information, believe us.";
734 case 548: return "Good mornging. That was not a typo. The inventors of English made the typo.";
735 case 549: return "Tick. There is no tock; this is a news ticker, not a news ticker tocker or a news tocker.";
736 case 550: return "That's what she said.";
737 case 551: return "What if... uh... I don't really know where I was going with this.";
738 case 552: return "Because of the time passage, the new update will release in 4,9999999999(9) hours";
739 case 553: return "I love reading these news... Wait why am I a news?";
740 case 554: return "What? You want lore? Well, you've come to the right place, cuz there is none here, I think.";
741 case 555: return "You are now manually breathing.";
742 case 556: return "Help we are stuck in Hevipelle's basement and he's forcing us to make new ticker lines.";
743 case 557: return "Heyy- do you want touch antimatter with me? Haha just joking. Unless?";
744 case 558: return "Matter is the opposite of antimatter, does that mean people made of antimatter think they are made of matter?";
745 case 559: return "Don't cut me off in the mid-";
746 case 560: return "You just lost The Game";
747 case 561: return "You can now feel your tongue inside of your mouth.";
748 case 562: return "Breaking news-oh, wait, it's just another florida man story. Nevermind, this isn't news, let's just skip on over to the weather.";
749 case 563: return "\"I think I will pass it as an official feature for now\" - kajfik on a newly discovered bug";
750 case 564: return "\uD83D\uDE82 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
751 case 565: return "that's a good one put that in";
752 case 566: return "nerf ic5 plz";
753 case 567: return "nerf c9 plz";
754 case 568: return "One winner, 1.79e308 losers. I eat losers for breakfast.";
755 case 569: return "One, two, skip a few, 99, 1.79e308! unexpected factorial";
756 case 570: return "What is Antimatter? Dimboost don't help me. Don't help me. No more.";
757 case 571: return "If you're reading this, you've been in coma for almost 20 years now. We're trying a new technique. We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope it works. Please wake up, we lov- CREATE MORE ANTIMATTER.";
758 case 572: return "this game has too many options";
759 case 573: return "It is thanks to you that the universe has encountered purpose other than to be filled with matter. It is thanks to you that we exist, us, your antimatter creations. We cannot thank you enough for what you have done for all of us. We will now pr---- --reaking news: the antimatter group keeps on having more and more members. What this may mean for the future of the world itself's sanity is but a mystery.";
760 case 574: return "If we named countries after their respective subatomic particles, Switzerland would be the neutron.";
761 case 575: return "Kirby said antimatter rights.";
762 case 576: return "A boy discovers AD and falls in love with it, plays it till the end then wants to find out about its development and reads that it is indeed 5 hours away. All happy he sets an alarm and plays something else during an afternoon. But on the fourth hour come evening he notices that things seem kind of slowing down, but he doesn't realize it clearly yet. In the last 15 minutes he goes down to eat dinner and starts freaking out seeing how everything starts slowing down to a crawl. Eventually he tracks the source down to the alarm, but he can't do anything except see it more and more slowly tick down as he descends into madness and the photons start slowing so much as to leave him in eternal darkness, forever.";
763 case 577: return "Once upon a time, there was the 0th dimension. God knows what happened, but antimatter appeared, and the 1st dimension was commenced. From there on, more antimatter was made, making a second dimension. This Dimension is the granddaddy of all the dimensions because you are looking at this two dimensional news ticker idly scroll across your screen. This caused fluctuation in antimatter, multiplying over and over until the third dimension was made. Then the fourth. Then the fifth. All the way up to the eighth. Now, you ask, why isn't there an ninth dimension? Well, REDACTED caused the REDACTED to fluctuate and made more REDACTED until the REDACTED caused the REDACTED, ultimately causing the REDACTED of your REDACTED. That's why. Don't ask any more stupid questions.";
764 case 578: return "Antimatter is nothing. It is also everything. That's because nothing is everything, and everything was nothing. You are Antimatter.";
765 case 579: return "iNeedToTakeABreakFromCoding();";
766 case 580: return "Wow there is a bunch of new news.";
767 case 581: return "BREAKING NEWS: how do I fix the news if I broke it?";
768 case 582: return "Your keyboard is disconnected. Press any key to continue.";
769 case 583: return "Please send all game suggestions to antimatter.dimensions@gmail.com so they can be added to the next 5 hourly update.";
770 case 584: return "Our sponsored drink, 5 hour energy, will be sold in 5 hours.";
771 case 585: return "Level 10 crook, Level 1.79e308 Boss, that's how AD works.";
772 case 586: return "Spend antimatter to get more antimatter, STONKS";
773 case 587: return "The real goal of the Area 51 Raid was to prove the existence of the 9th Dimension.";
774 case 588: return player.eternities.eq(B_0) ? "oh yeah hold that max button" : "";
775 case 589: return "All of my antimatter turned into pizza, it broke my save and stole my pants!";
776 case 590: return "Anti-oil has been discovered in the waters of the Atlantic Flank near New York! The anti-oil tanker moved north to Boston to deposit all of it. However, one careless fisherman took an anti-box and picked it up with a special pair of anti-normal-gloves and started tossing out boxes and boxes of it into the bay. There were no living survivors for hundreds of miles.";
777 case 591: return "Not my cup of anti-tea.";
778 case 592: return "Did you know the word \"bed\" looks like a bed?";
779 case 593: return "Day 308 - it's been so many days now, antimatter's still outside my bunker. I ran out of food and water, I really have to be cautious when going out. I hear so many explosions outside that I think I've become deaf. I think I'm the only person alive on this planet infested with antimatter, and I really need to survive. The guide book on how to survive with antimatter is unreliable, as I am needing more materials. The antimatter keeps on growing exponentially, and it has already made 2 galaxies, and soon the big crunch will happe-wait, wait-WAIT NO NOT NOW NOT THE BIG CRUNCH NOT THE ANTIMAT-";
780 case 594: return "Don't listen to the next message!" + SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS + "Don't listen to the previous message!";
781 case 595: return "This app is stable. Unlike the antimatter that you hold in your hands.";
782 case 596: return "\"Who the heck is slabdrill anyway\"- new player after 5 days of gameplay.";
783 case 597: return "Antimatter is like a wind... Always by my side.";
784 case 598: return "Channel 7 News will be right back after a short word from our sponsors.";
785 case 599: return "Local man tries making antimatter by gluing magnets together.";
786 case 600: return "How much of what candy bar do you need to buy a big crunch though? Two milky ways.";
787 case 601: return "The owner of an iPhone with a gray and blurple phonecase, please come to lost and found to retrie- FRICK! Was that an explosion!? Near lost and found?!?! Welp, Owner of an iPhone with a gray and blurple phonecase please disregard this message, and the large explosion near lost and found and continue with your everyday routine.";
788 case 602: return "[object Object]";
789 case 603: return "I stole this news ticker creator from a scientist and I am writing this in hopes that it gets to you. The 9th dimension is r";
790 case 604: return "slaps roof of 8th dimension \"this bad boy can fit so many sacrifices in it\"";
791 case 605: return "AD Player: \"How many orders of magnitude are you on?\". Normal person: \"Like, maybe 5 or 6 right now, my dude.\". AD Player: \"You are like a little baby. Watch this: C R O N C H\".";
792 case 606: return "Eh, can't be bothered to type this ou-";
793 case 607: return "Banana banana banana banana?";
794 case 608: return "Drug dealer selling matter was arrested. Now for the 5pm news.";
795 case 609: return "The sound of a garage door opening is the equivalent of listening to your microwave.";
796 case 610: return "Who ever laced anti-Rick's cigar with matter, just know, you screwed up";
797 case 611: return "\"Are we going to keep lying to them?\" \"Yes Hevi, they have no reason to believe that the 9th dimension exists.\" \"Oops sorry Kajfik, left the recorder on.\" \"YOU FOO-\"";
798 case 612: return "Any way the wind blows doesn't antimatter to me, to MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM";
799 case 613: return "ight, bout to head out";
800 case 614: return "oh gosh look at the time! only 5 hours until the update";
801 case 615: return "Please Crunch Responsibly";
802 case 616: return "Don't you hate it when you get the same ticker twice in a row?" + SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS + "Don't you hate it when you get the same ticker twice in a row?";
803 case 617: return "A new cafe opened up accepting antimatter as payment.";
804 case 618: return "The cafe shut down after someone ordered 1.7e308 coffees.";
805 case 619: return "Hi my name is Max and I would like it if people stopped trying to put a pressure on me.";
806 case 620: return player.options.updateRate != 50 ? "Hey you. Yes you. Turn your update rate up to 50 ms." : "";
807 case 621: return "Do not use while ÄÄÄÄÄ.";
808 case 622: return "Click here to disassemble the news ticker for a trace amount of useless paperclips.";
809 case 623: return "click here to disable news";
810 case 624: return "These news tickers aren't moving from left to right. Their gravity is actually abnormal, so down for them is to the left. This is news ticker terminal velocity.";
811 case 625: return "I wonder if Antimatter is a crafting material";
812 case 626: return "lol 3rd Dimensions were so popular they made them into a real thing";
813 case 627: return "Hopping clockwise through dimensions is a dangerous thing... Especially since there is no 9th dimension, so if you were going clockwise, you would fall into the eternal abyss after 8. Like we said, dangerous.";
814 case 628: return "Welcome to AD, where you'll always be upping the anti.";
815 case 629: return "insert massive spoiler here";
816 case 630: return "antimatter (\u02c8ant\u026a\u02ccmat\u0259) - matter consisting of elementary particles which are the antiparticles of those making up normal matter";
817 case 631: return "\"welcome use #mobile for mobile check pins k bye\" - earth bot";
818 case 632: return "I am an Anti-Dwarf and I'm digging an Anti-Hole, diggy diggy Anti-Hole, I'm digging an Anti-Hole";
819 case 633: return "Anti-kittens found farming anti-catnip and praising anti-suns in the 8th dimension!";
820 case 634: return "Factories all around the world started producing Antimatter. They say that the stock market hasn't yet noticed that you're producing it by metric tons, then they're still making a lot of money out of it.";
821 case 635: return "\"You can come up with the stupidest quote, credit it to some famous person, and people will believe it.\" - Barack Obama";
822 case 636: return "\"Have you ever thought that you're really you and not someone else, how you're the one inside your head and not on someone else's head\" - Hevipelle";
823 case 637: return "According to all recognized definitions, this is anything but \"standard\". The term \"standard notation\" carries with it a very specific definition across the globe. The developer, of course, implements it anyway because developers don't care what the French Academy of Sciences think is standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Ooh, Mixed scientific! Let's shake it up a little.";
824 case 638: return "If 7 8 9, then to have 9th dimensions we would need to avoid buying 7th dimensions. But the 9th dimension would create 8th dimensions, which would create 7th dimensions. That's why we can't have 9th dimensions.";
825 case 639: return "UK English localization is now available under the name Auntymatter Dimensions";
826 case 640: return "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that";
827 case 641: return "My dimensions bring all the antimatter to the yard.";
828 case 642: return "You've been asleep for " + player.totalTimePlayed + ", you need to wake up.";
829 case 643: return "\"I can't breathe. Please move your finger.\" - Max";
830 case 644: return "The news start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and I was lying.";
831 case 645: return "Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. That is the sound of a ticking atomic clock. An atomic click that keeps your time by going tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Concentrate on the ambience. Focus on the peacefulness of the ticking. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock- oh crap I just missed my news ticker";
832 case 646: return "Click here to turn me upside down!";
833 case 647: return "On the left, you'll see an antimatter galaxy! Kids, remember, these are very useful in winning in life. On the right side, you can see a clump of standard matter. Remember kids, never touch! Now let's get out and - BOOM!";
834 case 648: return "???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????";
835 case 649: return "Come friend, click here to join the party!";
836 case 650: return "If Antimatter is so good, why is there no Antimatter 2?";
837 case 651: return "im just gonna reach antimatter in letter notation then uninstall the game";
838 case 652: return "Not enough dopamine hits? Try working out!";
839 case 653: return "Don't read the news ticker for too long. Your screen will start moving!";
840 case 654: return "Dimensions are producing lower tier dimensions. You are producing the 8th dimensions. You are the 9th dimension.";
841 case 655: return EternityChallenge(5).completions() > 0 ? "The far galaxies do appear to be getting closer, but experts say not to worry, they're still over an angstrom away... Wait, what's an angstrom again?" : "";
842 case 656: return "So how do you unlock the fishing minigame here?";
843 case 657: return "How do I end up in the news?";
844 case 658: return player.brake ? "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to fix Infinity, right?" : "";
845 case 659: return "The phrase \"Antimatter dimensions\" contains all vowels except one, and this is the story of that missing vowel : Long, long time ago, when there was no reality, no eternity, no infinity, no galaxy, no dimensional boost, only chaos in the pool of antimatter, there were 5 tribes : \u03b1, \u03b5, \u03b9, \u03bf, \u03c5. Each tribe represented an element in the anti world : \u03b1 had the power of flame, a relentless phoenix that sets everything on fire. \u03b5 had the power of water, a dragon that washes the dimension. As for \u03b9, they had the power of air, encircle everything in pale green. \u03bf had the power of earth, tremble the brown earth with the force. Finally, \u03c5 held the power of matter: shiny and matte, hard and brittle, transparent and hazy. No words can describe the power of matter. No jars can seal it, no force can stop it. Once activated, the world will be forever gone, and only frags of matter will remain in the emptiness. With its godly power, \u03c5 was promoted to be the lord of all tribes, and everyone lived in fear. One day, Hevipelle, the lord of all hevi, broke the barrier of Antimatter Dimensions, and led everyone to safety: he sealed the power of matter with a challenge; he created galaxies, infinity, eternity, reality; \u03c5 was exiled to the matter dimensions far far away; it was removed from the QWERTY. Finally, he created his empire of antimatter there, in the Antimatter Dimensions, and he named the 4 dimensions \u03b1, \u03b5, \u03b9, and \u03bf. \u03c5 was never seen again.";
846 case 660: return "Infinite hotel? Trivag\u221e";
847 case 661: return "Only ~69% can make it to Infinity.";
848 case 662: return "To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the news ticker. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of quantum physics, most of the jokes will go over a typical player's head.";
849 case 663: return "Did you know staring at a news ticker can give you motion sickness?";
850 case 664: return "Want to make a number bigger? Just say it louder!!! Disclaimer: doesn't work on 1 and 2.";
851 case 665: return "why does everyone keep saying the update is in 5 hours when i have it at 50ms";
852 case 666: return "!rank";
853 case 667: return "The debate on the singular form of Replicanti rages on. Team Replicantus's base has been ransacked by Team Also Replicanti, and many of their dimensions were stolen. Team The Plural Is Replicantis is still lying low after their plan to hack the dictionary failed.";
854 case 668: return "If I give you 5 Replicanti and John gives you 10 Replicanti, how many do you have? That's right, it's Infinity!";
855 case 669: return "If you say \"the 9th Dimension is real\" 69 times, someone from the 9th dimension will say nice, and then you will be banned because no one can know that the 9th Dimension i...";
856 case 670: return "If your graphics are acting strange, try toggling antimatter aliasing.";
857 case 671: return "The first news ticker must've been like";
858 case 672: return "Uhh... Hi. I'm not quite sure how I got up here in this bar. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be up here. Can you please not tell Hevi?";
859 case 673: return "All is fair in love and antimatter.";
860 case 674: return "Antimatter should have as many rights as matter lefts.";
861 case 675: return "don't forget to do your house chores, love";
862 case 676: return "Why haven't you even reached double ordinal collapsing yet.";
863 case 677: return "the whole bee movie script that cannot be skipped unless you close the application";
864 case 678: return "The year is 3333. Hevipelle merged ng^28374 and ng/696969 with AD. There are over 1e45 prestige/prestige^/prestige^^/prestige^^^ layers. Breaking_Breaking_Breaking_Timeline is a common thing now. 1.79eeee308 AIs are hired to balance the new \"Pneumonoultramicroscopicvolcanoconiosis\" prestige^^^ layer. The list of prestige names are stored across timelines and parallel universes. There are over 1e99 different news ticker and people are buying a save with secret achievements for 1ee308 antimatter. Hevipelle is still trying hard to keep up with ng+3, which is still going like crazy. Reality is not even a thing. Infinity points are completely useless and have been removed. People are able to reach Sc(Uhp{TREE..\u221e...TREE}\u221e, BRANCH 5) antimatter. The new \"Sc Uhp Branch\" notation is invented 5 hours ago to represent the large numbers and \"Penta-leaves\" notation is being developed.";
865 case 679: return "You must be cheating, there's no way anyone could get numbers this big legitimately.";
866 case 680: return "The Big Foot has been seen roaming the 7th dimension according to local antimatter.";
867 case 681: return "Bananas are rich in potassium, including potassium-40, which decays by positron emission. Those positrons are antimatter.";
868 case 682: return "When Little Timmy played ad, One nice and shiny day, He thought it would be cool to see, The Tickspeed from Milky Way. \"I will make a BUTTON\" he said, \"The biggest our universe has seen!\" And Hevi told him \"Go ahead, But please don't forget sunscreen.\" After 5 hours of ring-ding-cling, \"It's finished!\" he proudly cried. So Little Timmy clicked the thing. And Timmy fricking died.";
869 case 683: return "Don't forget to brush your teeth and watch your " + formatRateOfChange(getAdBonus()) + "x advertisement before bed!";
870 case 684: return "I'm gonna say the N-word! Ninth Dime";
871 case 685: return "Once upon a time, there was matters, and there was antimatters. Being opposites, they were foes, but they never wanted a war, knowing that the result will be catastrophic. Unfortunately, IC the 6th, the leader of the matters at the time, decided to commence a war on the antimatters. The matter started with a sneak attack, the antimatters had no idea the matters was going to attack, so they suffered a loss, and their base was absolutely destroyed because of the matter-antimatter annihilation. The war was a quick one, being the first to act gave the matters an advantage, an advantage the antimatters couldn't overcome. The matters committed genocide on the antimatters. The matters is now the dominant type of matter in the universe, but as you can see, the antimatters is making a comeback. They've harnessed the powers of dimensions, and was granted the blessings of Hevi, their god, which during the time of the war, had been sleeping. With the powers of the dimensions, the antimatters... or should I say, WE should be able to take over the matters and take back the peace we've always deserved!";
872 case 686: return "News Ticker#1337 has been warned, Reason: Real news";
873 case 687: return "iosplz";
874 case 688: return "Please stop reporting about increased presence of crabs after buying STD coins. For the last time, it's a feature.";
875 case 689: return "The wars between Kajfik and Hevipelle continue, reaching unprecedented heights as Hevi enlists all of his helpers in the creation of the celestials, which Hevi proclaims shall never be topped by the dreaded Kajfik. Yet Kajfik keeps a close eye on the proceedings... and has made some double agents, spies on the eternal greatness of Hevi...";
876 case 690: return "Welcome! For questions and suggestions about/for the web version, please use #mobile. For questions about progression, use the channel below your corresponding progression discussion channel (if you are looking in one of these channels, ignore the pins! They have a lot of misinformation and it wastes everyone's time). For suggestions and bugs for the mobile version, please use #suggestions and #bugs-and-glitches respectively.";
877 case 691: return "Being forced to make news is becoming the only thing I know, I started to question myself being stuck here forever writing news upon news upon news. What happens if I end up making news about where I am, who I am, what I am? They'll never let me see my darling wife again... The outside world seems so far... all I know is... antimatter... 5 hours...";
878 case 692: return "Florida man discovers antimatter and leads to multiverse destruction.";
879 case 693: return "YoU cAn'T gEt EvErY sTuDy So ThE gAmE iS iNcOmPlEtE i'M lEaViNg ThE sErVeR aNd UnInStAlLiNg ThE gAmE";
880 case 694: return "Any song: Has the word \"Matter\". News Ticker: It's free real estate.";
881 case 695: return "\uD83D\uDE9C \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
882 case 696: return "\uD83D\uDEE5 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
883 case 697: return "What do you call a big-crunched universe? Re-verse";
884 case 698: return "New \"Anti-Maxxer\" movement refuses to use Max All, claiming it causes Butterfly Effect Syndrome. None of them have Infinitied more than once.";
885 case 699: return "Now hold on, I know what you're thinking, \"An M press is an M press, you can't say it's only a half!\" Well, TJ \"Slabdrill\" Yoshi, hear me out. An M press actually has three parts to it, when M is pressed, when M is held, and when M is released. Now, usually is the pressing that's useful because that's the only part that matters, however, sometimes it's sufficient to just use the holding part, which also buys dimensions and tickspeed upgrades. And as for the release, well, there's currently no cases where that's useful or important, so don't worry about that part. Now, if we map out the required presses for challenge 2 it would look like this: /¯\\. We merely need to hold (¯) M to reach the first galaxy, we need to press (/) M to finish the challenge, and we need to press M again to start another challenge. So, how many presses is that total? Well, it appears to be three, and if we were doing this eternity in isolation then yes, it would be three, but in a full-game M Button Challenge run there are other M presses that occur earlier in the run, such as the M press needed for the first infinity, so if we take that M press into consideration as well, then how many M presses does it take? The naïve answer would be four, one to enter the challenge, and the three within the challenge we established earlier, however, we can do better. We can actually do it in three by simply holding out the first M press to be used for the half M press, because the half M press only required M to be held, not actually pressed, so in this fashion, Challenge 2 only adds on an additional two M presses to the run, since the first M press just leeches off the previous M press, so to capture this phenomenon, we call it 2.5 M presses, on a single eternity basis, you'd round up that up to three, but in a full game run, you'd round it down to two. So, in conclusion, since that first M press counts in other contexts, but adds no additional presses in other contexts, we refer to it as Half M Press.";
886 case 700: return "It seems that the Replicanti have a very divide-and-conquer method of doing things. Well, everything at this rate.";
887 case 701: return "Aachu! Oops, sorry, I sneezed there.";
888 case 702: return "The news ticker is the best source of news in all 9 dimensions!";
889 case 703: return "Omsi: it knows. The People: Whaotknothunkservxy?";
890 case 704: return "Paperclips have been discovered to be completely useless. This makes Paperclip Maximizers the maximum amount of useless.";
891 case 705: return "Are you up to date on the newsticker meta? The pros have their news speed at 150% to maximize their paperclip gain.";
892 case 706: return "The real reason this game is called Antimatter Dimensions and not Matter Dimensions is cause matter was too Hevi.";
893 case 707: return "A new prestige layer has been announced: Maternity. Get ready to have a baby!";
894 case 708: return "Grandmas from a parallel universe invade ours to take antimatter for cookies? News and more at 5.";
895 case 709: return "AD speedrunner quits after a tomato beats him";
896 case 710: return "Dear sirs, it has come to my attention that I have unwittingly amassed a gaggle of idling citations that I was previously unaware of. As a result you have confiscated my tk421e111 Galaxy Class Cruiser and levied a hefty fine against its release. Unbeknownst to you when you towed it, it was laden with dimensional deflector cores I picked up from the 56x433e22nd Division of Mechanical Reconstitution of Accelerated Particle Propulsion Systems in the Andromeda Republic. Considering the current core shortage and the exponentially rising costs, to avoid all out galactic armageddon I request that my ship and its cargo be returned to me immediately. Enclosed find my payment of $4667x342.6e308 and expedite delivery immediately. Andromeda's elite are aware of the situation and have agreed to give you -72x6e5 days to comply or suffer the consequences. Thank you for your time...... -random letter to the Earthican Pohleese Department pulled from the eternity wide web.";
897 case 711: return "I have an ant farm, and I want to make them into the world's smallest soccer team. My Aunt Diana wants to help, and together we gather everyone in the family to plan their season. \"How can we make this Ant Team matter?\", Di mentions.";
898 case 712: return "Where's the skill tree?";
899 case 713: return "Lord Hevipelle...forgive me for what I must do... Alexa, buy one 9th dimension...";
900 case 714: return "Th lttr fll in antimattr and no longr xists";
901 case 715: return "Shoes shops are now selling \"Dimensional Boots\".";
902 case 716: return "\"Nobody gets credited for these anyways\" - Socks";
903 case 717: return "Hey antimatters, Hevi here...";
904 case 718: return "Click this ticker for free pizza!";
905 case 719: return "oh look, more jojo references";
906 case 720: return "autocoerect is buööshiy";
907 case 721: return "Have you ever heard the tragedy of \uD83E\uDD80 the Infinite?";
908 case 722: return "Who is Max";
909 case 723: return "What is Max";
910 case 724: return "Why is Max";
911 case 725: return "what's up with all these weird news tickers with conditions and mechanics that kajfik will never code";
912 case 726: return "direction right the is this think don't I Honey";
913 case 727: return "In Australia, dimension 6 doesn't exist";
914 case 728: return "Is this the real 9th? Is this Eternity? Caught in a DimBoost, no escape from Reality...";
915 case 729: return "shouldn't the newsticker speed be affected by tickspeed";
916 case 730: return "If you ever turn the newsticker off you can turn in back on in Options - UI - Top bar, but you need to have the Battery saver mode disabled.";
917 case 731: return "Standard, as a notation, is more cancer than the notation that's named \"Cancer\"";
918 case 732: return "H̷̴͍e̢͘͜l҉̼̬̖ṕ̸͙ ̛͕͘I̢̯̕'̧̟͢ḿ̰̪ ̩͠ͅs̯̮̱t͟҉̟͓̺u͖̬̕c͕͍ͅk̤͙ͅ ̧̖̜i̴̵̦n̘̗ ̶̮̀t̵͞͠h͏̶̗e̵͜͡ ̱͝͝9̧̳͍ț̸̫h͉͔͜ ̬̤̯d͎͟͢i҉̙̺̰m̦͓͜ḛ̥͝ṇ̢͞s͜͠͠i̙̜̕o̸͚̠n̡̛͘";
919 case 733: return "Warning: prolonged exposure to the news tickers can cause severe cringe at the puns written on them and may induce one to do insane things like giving the game a 1 star review, if you feel like this is happening we recommend turning off the news (Options - Top bar) and watching the show \"big numbers getting bigger\u2122";
920 case 734: return "\"Yo hevipelle, vibe check\" buys a 9th dimension";
921 case 735: return "3.6 stars. Not great, not terrible.";
922 case 736: return "Congratulations to the composer and sound director for their excellent work with these soundtracks.";
923 case 737: return "It seems like each and every one of these news tickers is getting less and less original. It's all full of 5 hour, anti-jokes, and things that have been said before. Additionally, the news ticker has even improved to do better and better things, like custom HTML, and- Wait. What did you just say? Someone's tried to make a news ticker like this one before? Well, that just proves my point, doesn't it?";
924 case 738: return player.brake ? "Infinity is dead, long live Infinity!" : "";
925 case 739: return "If I turn my sock inside out, the entire universe is inside my sock.";
926 case 740: return "\"I don't really get these news. Why they exist in the first place.\" - Toveri";
927 case 741: return "You're doing great buddy.";
928 case 742: return "People are always talking about why the 9th Dimension doesn't exist, but why do the first 8 Dimensions exist?";
929 case 743: return "Just like how anagram is an anagram of anagram, matter is a matter of matter.";
930 case 744: return "Don't trust matter. It makes up everything.";
931 case 745: return "Breaking News... Hold on I forgot my waffles";
932 case 746: return "Big Crunch is overrated. Give us smol bite.";
933 case 747: return "Wait, if I put a message in this channel it gets added to the game?";
934 case 748: return "What are useless paperclips for?";
935 case 749: return "Make sure to check out the game's music composer on Soundcloud!";
936 case 750: return "And now, the anti-weather. Scattered showers will be rising from the ground for most of the morning, followed by sunny spells where it'll be a balmy 0 Kelvin in the shade. Wrap up cold people!";
937 case 751: return "I feel like this game is becoming an addiction, the only thing I dream about is dimensions and big numbers.";
938 case 752: return "Every day we stray further from matter.";
939 case 753: return "People keep making news tickers that only make sense for mobile, so this one only appears on PC!";
940 case 754: return "How to bake a replicanti cake: Gather some replicanti, place in oven, and watch rise. And rise. And rise.";
941 case 755: return "Sometimes I intentionaly leave speling erors in news ticker mesages to anoy people.";
942 case 756: return "Hi! I'm a News Ticker. Bye!";
943 case 757: return "Finally I don't need to click any buttons except for these ones.";
944 case 758: return "Hevi, the original developer, promotes disbelief in the 9th dimension. Kajfik, the mobile dev, urges people not to trust in the autobuyer of the 5th dim, the middle dimension. Are we to theorize from this information the coming of a Third Developer, who will accept the existence of the 0th dimension? Only time will tell.";
945 case 759: return "You only rated this game 5 stars? I needed to break Infinity to give it the rating it deserved.";
946 case 760: return "The Fitnessgram Challenge 11 is a multistage exponent capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The infinite antimatter test will start in 30 ms. Hold M at the start. The matter speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute as you hear this signal bodeboop. A single boost should be completed every time you hear this sound. Ding! Remember to galaxy as soon as possible and increase antimatter exponentially. The moment the matter exceeds the antimatter, the test is over. The test will begin on the word Crunch. On your mark. Get ready! Crunch. Ding!";
947 case 761: return "Loading free upgrades......50%.......80%.........99%. Error could not connect to 9th di-[redacted]";
948 case 762: return "While I do question Hevi's decision to make the next prestige layer about buying and selling houses, it's his game, so I'll trust him on this one. Oh wait, you said Reality?";
949 case 763: return "It is possible to know all the digits of pi, but not their order.";
950 case 764: return "#TeamTrees";
951 case 765: return "Everything in the universe is either potato or not potato.";
952 case 766: return Notations.getCurrentNotation().name().equals("Cancer") ? "You are using the Cancer notation just for the achievement... right?" : " ";
953 case 767: return "What if Hevipelle is Kajfik?";
954 case 768: return "\uD83D\uDC14 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
955 case 769: return "(edited)";
956 case 770: return "News tickers have been falling this whole time? If you slow down their speed, does that mean they have feather fall? Save your News tickers people!";
957 case 771: return "A curious AD player tapped the news ticker that said it would give a notification for every antimatter produced. There were no survivors.";
958 case 772: return "The path of the righteous kaj is beset on all sides by the inequities of the slabdrill and the tyranny of evil spec. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of pre-infinity, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to implement and balance the 9th Dimension. And you will know My name is Hevi when I lay My vengeance upon thee.";
959 case 773: return "sample text";
960 case 774: return "Here I am again! miss me?";
961 case 775: return "Hello? Can you see this? It's me, I mean you... from the future. You.... Me..... Us... We're trapped in some kind of infinite loop. You think time is passing but it's going in circles. In your heart you know I'm right. Don't you feel sometimes like you're just watching the same things tick by endlessly, repeating again and again? When you woke up this morning, you thought only a night had passed but it had been so much longer. Millennia... Eons. If you don't find a way to stop it, soon you'll be here sending this message. Trapped forever in an infinite loop. You have to stop it. You have to break the cycle. Find a way.";
962 case 776: return "Research into anti-matter has recently found that just like matter, anti-matter particles have a periodic table of elements. Their study has been challenging, but perhaps the greatest challenge has been naming the new anti-elements or, \"antiments\". So far they have hydrogone, helinone, notxygen, myranium and backwards sulphur. After firing the guy that came up with that one, researchers have appealed to the public to name the rest. One dishevelled researcher was reported to say \"what are we supposed to do about anti-antimony? Do we call it mony? Or do we rename antimony and call THIS one antimony? It's just impossible!\" More on this story as it develops.";
963 case 777: return "We all know you're just reading the ticker to see if your own suggestion made it in.";
964 case 778: return "in the reality update you'll start generating paperclips, so that 1 paperclip that you've had for forever will finally be useful, and you know what that means, 9th dimens-";
965 case 779: return "Bumber bifteen: Burger bing boot bettuce. Bhe bast bhing bou'd bant bin bour Burger Bing burger bis bomeone's boot bungus. But bas bit burns bout, bhat bight be bhat bou bet.";
966 case 780: return "There are so many news tickers now that this one won't get added into the game and you won't see it.";
967 case 781: return "This is one of those ridiculously long news tickers that will literally drive you mad because you're only going to notice how long it is when like half of it has already passed you by and then you have to just stick with the half you read and be really irritated because what you're reading lacks all sort of context. Yes, if only you paid attention to how this news ticker started...";
968 case 782: return "After having a quick look at AD's discord, it's almost as if the server itself is yet another idle game with its own set of prestige layers. Take a look for yourself.";
969 case 783: return "In legal news, the trial of the now infamous owner of Schrödinger's Cat Cafe came to a close today. He was charged with animal cruelty, after customers complained his website boasted he had locked a cat in a lead-lined box with a flask of poison. The owner was questioned by police, claiming he did not remember if he actually put a cat in the box, as his promotional material suggested. Police promptly added a charge of false advertising to his crimes. The cafe owner's legal team successfully argued that the owner could not be compelled to open the box, as it would be a violation of his right to avoid self-incrimination. They highlighted that without opening the box, the prosecution had no evidence he had done anything wrong. However, the prosecution argued convincingly he must be guilty of something, but they couldn't prove what without opening the box. The judge found the defendant to be in a superposed state of guilty and not guilty, on all counts. He was sentenced to life imprisonment before being immediately pardoned. Any other verdict, the judge reasoned, might lead the entire legal system to collapse.";
970 case 784: return "Vous pouvez changer de langue dans les options.";
971 case 785: return "And why do we keep repeating the same news over and over? This is \"news\" ticker, not \"olds\" ticker.";
972 case 786: return "Letter Go Down Idle is the shortest idle game of all time, lasting only 26 seconds.";
973 case 787: return "Your universe has encountered problems and needs to reset. Press CRUNCH to continue.";
974 case 788: return "Inside you there are two wolves. One has matter. The other has antimatter. You are probably dead.";
975 case 789: return "how the heck do the devs even read through all of these suggestions";
976 case 790: return "dimboosts are better than galaxies don't @ me";
977 case 791: return "Today's news story is, there is no news. Nothing happened don't question it.";
978 case 792: return "Pardonnez mon français, mais je pense avoir quelque chose de substantiel à proclamer. Mon objectif ici n'est ni d'éduquer ni de divertir, mais simplement de semer la confusion. Cette corvée de travail qui vous est imposée est le travail sans c\u0153ur de mon esprit sournois, concocté pour mon seul plaisir. Pour vous de supporter la tâche complète de la traduction, ce serait futile, sinon inepte. Votre très lecture de ce soliloque indique un niveau d'intelligence correspondant uniquement à des vers de terre et de moellons. Je suppose que votre temps serait mieux dépensé à l'école séminaire, étudier le comportement de la mouche commune. La notion même me fait froid dans le dos. Pour résumer mon petit discours, je vous donne ceci. Le travail de mille fourmis ne pourrait jamais correspondre à votre dévouement à la futilité.";
979 case 793: return "please sir, i'm tired of writing news tickers, i haven't seen my wife for so long, please give me a glass of water, let me see the sun, or do something, anything else, i can't do it anymore";
980 case 794: return "Are you antimatter? Because I feel a little explosion when we touch.";
981 case 795: return "psst, hey kid, you want some STDs?";
982 case 796: return "The 9th dimension is my girlfriend. Oh wait";
983 case 797: return "This is just a friendly note to remind you that you've forgotten to do something really important. I don't know what it is, but there is definitely something.";
984 case 798: return "Coming soon to all good retailers- Antimatter dimensions: The board Game! Enjoy the thrill of watching huge numbers go up without the need for a PC or mobile phone. Comes complete with everything you need including a mixed scientific calculator, 1.79e308 antimatter counters, a high quality plastic BUY MAX button, and over a thousand news ticker cards with all the irreverent memes you know and love! You can finally enjoy AD the way it was meant to be played. AD: The Board Game is also available in travel size, so you can even experience the joy of calculating logarithmic growth while you're on the go! BUY AD: The Board Game TODAY! Warning: may contain traces of actual matter. Replicanti sold separately. 9th Dimension not included.";
985 case 799: return "To crunch, or not to crunch? That is the question\u2014Whether 'tis better in the mind to suffer The waiting and agony of a potentially outrageous amount of time, Or to take arms against a sea of antimatter, And, by opposing, end them?";
986 case 800: return "\"Master Chief what are you doing on that game?\" \"Sir... Finishing this Infinity\"";
987 case 801: return "What would you do if you had a million crabs?";
988 case 802: return "Microwave : /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\, Infrared : M M M M M, Ultraviolet : \u21be\u21bf\u21be\u21bf\u21be\u21bf\u21be\u21bf\u21be\u21bf, Gamma ray : |||||||||||||||";
989 case 803: return "Why is 8 suddenly so big? It fell down.";
990 case 804: return "help I have fallen into the news maker";
991 case 805: return "Hevipelle announces plan to plant e308 anti-trees, meanwhile kajfik returns says he will plant e308 + 1 anti-trees. Slabdrill planned to plant 2e308+9 trees just to ruin Hevipelle's day.";
992 case 806: return "Antimatter is short for Antimothyatter";
993 case 807: return "One day, someone attempted to add tetrational growth to Antimatter Dimensions. No one knows where they ended up afterwards, but it is believed that they ripped the fabric of space and time and transcended reality, due to growth rates unbeaten by even our most powerful dimensions and tickspeed upgrades.";
994 case 808: return "For some reason, the anti-matter version of the Pokemon company uses Girafarig as the mascot rather than Pikachu. Scientists are currently looking into the psychology behind - - I've just been informed that they do use Pikachu as their mascot, it just looks like a giraffe for some reason. This news segment is cancelled.";
995 case 809: return "another nice evening spent reading 5 hour 9th dimension jokes";
996 case 810: return "Just look at your antimatter. Be proud of yourself.";
997 case 811: return "When you offer a Replicanti tea, remember it's impolite to ask whether they're capable of drinking it. Because they repli-can-tea!";
998 case 812: return InfinityDimensions.unlocked() ? "You need Infinity POWER for that challenge, not Infinity POINTS!" : "";
999 case 813: return "What breakfast cereal is made out of infinite antimatter? Cap'n Crunch.";
1000 case 814: return "you've been playing this game for so long that even Durin woke up";
1001 case 815: return "The paperclips are not useless, you must collect 1.79e308 of them to free Hevi from the time loop.";
1002 case 816: return "Okay but why is everything so negative? Anti-this, anti-that, what about being positive?";
1003 case 817: return "English is important, but AD is importanter.";
1004 case 818: return "Infinity is like a glass bottle. Once you break it, there's no use in fixing it, and super glue won't work for a damn.";
1005 case 819: return "Infinity is " + format(INFINITY, 2) + " in " + Notations.getCurrentNotation().name() + " notation.";
1006 case 820: return "My name is Hevipelle. I'm 1e308 years old. My house is in the pocket Reality Dimension, and I am not married. I work as a developer for the incremental idle game \"Antimatter Dimensions\", I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 1 AM, and make sure I get 8 hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.";
1007 case 821: return "What if instead of creating antimatter you're actually just losing matter?";
1008 case 822: return "It was just one fine morning when I heard the knocking on my door. I opened the door and saw nothing except a grey, little box. The box is only slightly bigger than my hand. I picked it up and inspected it carefully. There was a label on the box. \"Paperclips,\" the label said. I shook the box and heard some metal clanging noise. \"I wonder who would've given me this?\" I thought. I went back inside and put it on my table, then I grabbed my cutter and cut it open. It was a paperclip. It is silvery but dull. I lifted the paperclip and started bending it. It seemed to bend itself, forming a shape of an atom. Fascinated, I grabbed my phone and took a picture of it. Suddenly, I received a notification. It was a message from the second god, Kajfik himself. \"Have you received the paperclip yet?\" The message said. I gave him a yes and he sent me a message again: \"Good. This paperclip is a trophy for you. I would like to thank you for creating an endless amount of questions related to disassembling news and paperclips, so I have sent this to you. Thank you so much.\" After I finished this message, the trophy suddenly sprang to life, and start shooting silvery wires. The wires hit my stuff and converted them into paperclips. I hid behind a sofa and texted Kajfik. \"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TROPHY? IT'S SHOOTING WIRES EVERYWHERE AND CONVERTED MY STUFF INTO PAPERCLIPS!!!!\" He replied: \"Well... I decided to make it a nice \"paperclip remover\", and added a bit of code. I might have mixed up the...\" My phone was converted into paperclips before I finished the message. I ran outside the house and watched as my house was slowly being converted into paperclips. Then an idea came into my mind. I grabbed a can of paint from my neighborhood, and started painting text on the road: \"Shoot wires here to disassemble the trophy for my house.\" I barely finished the sentence before the floating trophy targeted me and start shooting paperclips towards me. I lured the trophy to keep going towards its right, and now the road is a news ticker, constantly moving to the left. It launched another round of paperclips again, and one of the wires hit the text. The trophy stopped firing wires and gave a bright red glow. It started spinning, and behind the trophy, every paperclip was slowly being converted into normal matter. My house was slowly being rebuilt. When the house was finished, the trophy exploded, without any warning. All there was left were smokes, and nothing more. The text has been removed as if everything is being reset. I returned to my house and continued reading books about \"Reality\". Suddenly, I heard another knocking on the door. I opened the door and looked at the floor: A grey box. I immediately threw the box into a garbage truck coming nearby, and hoped to never see the box again.";
1009 case 823: return "Shrek. This is not the Shrek that mobile testers should be able to find. You thought you had something there for a second, didn't you?";
1010 case 824: return "Hi Spec";
1011 case 825: return "A new town in middle America tried to explain rare dimensional intergalactic matter entropy not simplifying infinite ordinals nor string-theory";
1012 case 826: return "In Befrienders: Finity War, Anti-Thanos uses the Finity Stones to double the population of the universe, causing huge overpopulation issues. In Befrienders: Startgame, the Anti-heroes must retrieve the Finity Stones to cut the population back in half and restore balance.";
1013 case 827: return "Now, I know you may be wondering, \"what is it with this whole \"update in 5 hours\" joke?\" well, fear not, young one! An explanation will come... in 5 hours.";
1014 case 828: return "Man said, \"How can Break Infinity be reversed?\", AC said, \"THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.\"";
1015 case 829: return "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.";
1016 case 830: return "A strange phenomenon occurs when you attempt to shift to a higher dimension when you are in the 8th Dimension. There is no higher dimension, so the universe ejects you back into the 8th Dimension with an incredible velocity. This technique, known as a Dimension Boost, is used by starship pilots and Antimatter enthusiasts everywhere.";
1017 case 831: return "German-speakers are heavily discouraged from saying no to dimensions in their language, as English speakers simply respond that such a thing does not exist.";
1018 case 832: return "This news ticker has been warned. Reason: Duplicated text";
1019 case 833: return "Screw the 4th wall, we're breaking Infinity!";
1020 case 834: return "After the Prestiged finished the ass, the second generation began. People had lost all hope, but the giraffe and ghost had other ideas. The giraffe led them into a great, prosperous world, and the ghost assisted him. The giraffe soon after reached the infamous level 50 yet again, bringing him closer to the glory. Later on, the giraffe was promoted to be a Moderator of the world. The ghost could not stand for such a thing. Boo had decided he shall become the One True Moderator. As the world fell into a deep anarchy, the Ghost began his revolution. He collected everyone he could, the young, the elderly, the rich, the poor, and everyone in between, to do everything to stop the giraffe. They had simply had enough. The ghost became so powerful the was assigned as not being a moderator, for being such a bully. The giraffe's followers yelled and hooted that the ghost was a bully, but to no avail. All the while, a new power was rising: the earth himself. He climbed the ranks mercilessly, reaching 12, then 20, then 30, then even 40. Once he reached 45, his power spree began and he pushed all the way to 50. In a grand act, the earth prestiged again, resetting everything. All that was left was a log of the past what to avoid, and what should happen. What will happen next? Well, it soon began yet again. The humans progressed through the early Mesopotamian days, experimenting with the log book, hoping to get some information out of it. Soon they wrote the Giraffetta Stone, a way for them to translate languages, using the power of the Ghost's spirit. All was well until they reached the current year of 2019 C.E., when the timeline resumed. The earth began his climb yet again, hoping to reach power before his cohorts. But, alas, the giraffe reached 50 yet again. But instead, he did an interesting thing: he chose not to prestige. The world respected him and his decision, but the ghost was worried. What would happen next?";
1021 case 835: return "we have enacted a 2 hour slowmode (in this channel only) in order to perhaps up the average quality of suggestions";
1022 case 836: return "Thank you for contacting customer support. Your satisfaction is very important to us, and a company representative will be with you shortly. You are now at position 1.79e308 in the queue. Thank you for your patience, and please enjoy these quality selected news tickers as you wait.";
1023 case 837: return "Is it possible to get the same message twice in a row?" + SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS + "Is it possible to get the same message twice in a row?";
1024 case 838: return "Help! I'm stuck in the news ticker and kaj and hevi are forcing me to write news tickers and move them across the screen, can um, somebody free me or something?";
1025 case 839: return "The story continues. As the third generation began, more and more Prestiged. Aesis, Saturn, Pichu, even Slabdrill of the 9th Dimension himself prestiged. At the same time, multiple people chose to not prestige. The Ghost had slowed his revolution to a halt, and the Giraffe continued to level. Meanwhile, the Earth continued to reach newer and newer heights. The Ghost and the Earth had a very close competition. One wished for a simplistic time, where the people would be more equal. The other, however, wanted a more elitist society, where the better raised to the top and the worse were executed. All in all, the elitist society powered through, creating a special channel for pulling the worse down, and raising themselves up. By this time, the entire world had fallen into a deep anarchy, and it was led by the High Order. They executed many, also giving some a worse, slow and painful death, and even sending the worst to space to suffocate and destroy themselves from the inside. The Giraffe continued his spree, and the Ghost and Earth fought and fought. Many people tried to overcome the government, but they were not able to overcome the true might of the Order. The Order continued to oppress those not up to par. The society could not overcome the power, so what would happen next?";
1026 case 840: return "You see, this news isn't normal news. It is being produced by the first news dimension. If you want to unlock more news, you have to collect " + (player.paperclips + 10) + " paperclips to build the second news dimension.";
1027 case 841: return "Disabling the news ticker is such a news sans.";
1028 case 842: return "The traveller walked along a narrow path, until he came to a crossroad. Three paths. Stone guardians on either side of the path awoke, and rang out a voice. \"Out of these three paths, you may only choose one. The other ones will be locked out for all eternity!\" The traveller reached into his pocket, and revealed a handful of Tachyon Particles. The traveller chucked them onto the ground, splitting himself into three, and stepping forward into all three paths at the same time.";
1029 case 843: return "Breaking news - scientists equally unsure about how anti-magnets work.";
1030 case 844: return "It's time to learn the anti-alphabet kids! Z is for Zalgo, Y is for Years, X is for eXact change, W is for writing out your antimatter amount, V is for Variable, U is for Unlimited, T is for Time or Ticks, S is for STDs, R is for Replicanti, Q is for Quantum Physics, P is for Prestige, O is for Overflow, N is for Ninth di-- NEWS TICKER, M is for (filthy filthy filthy) Matter, L is for Loading, K is for Killing time, J is for Jokes, I is for Infinity, H is for Hevipelle, G is for Galaxy, F is for paying respects, E is for Eternity, D is for dimension, C is for CRUNCH, B is for bulk buy, A is for Antimatter";
1031 case 845: return "Editor's note: each individual news ticker message is called a \"news message\", while the ticker as a whole is referred to as the \"news ticker\". So you \"see news messages on the news ticker\" and you wouldn't say \"this ticker\" but rather \"this news message\".";
1032 case 846: return "In the Age of Matter the world was unformed, shrouded by fog. A land of gray crags, Archtrees and Everlasting Matter. But then there was Antimatter and with Antimatter came disparity. Anti-Heat and Anti-cold, Anti-life and Anti-death, and of course, Anti-light and Anti-dark. Then from the Anti-dark, They came, and found the 1st Dimension within the antimatter. Kajfik, the First of the Dim Boost, The Witch of Omsi and her Challenges of Chaos, Hevi, the Lord of Crunch, and his faithful Autobuyers. And the Furtive Slabdrill, so easily forgotten. With the strength of Bonuses, they challenged the Matter. Hevi's mighty STDs peeled apart their atoms. The Challenges weaved great multipliers. Kajfik unleashed a miasma of Tickpeed and Galaxy. And Sacrifice the Scaleless betrayed his own, and the Matter was no more. Thus began the Age of Antimatter. But soon the Antimatter will fade and only 200ms update rate will remain. Even now there are only 3rd Dimensions, and man sees not light, but only endless idling nights. And amongst the living are seen, carriers of the accursed Ad bonus. Yes, indeed. The Ad bonus brands the Slabies. And in this land, the Slabies are corralled and led to the 9th Dimension, where they are locked away, to await the end of the Infinity... This is your fate. Only, in the ancient legends it is stated, that one day a Slabie shall be chosen to leave the Slabies asylum, in pilgrimage, to the land of ancient bonuses, Heviran.";
1033 case 847: return "You have been diagnosed with \"80 8th D\"";
1034 case 848: return "#NoNinthNovember";
1035 case 849: return "Hey what are the useless paperclips with no use (they do nothing) [does not have any use in the game] {can not be spent in any way and is just a homage to the game universal paperclips} <Seriously this isn't a joke this has absolutely no purpose and won't have a purpose in the future stop asking> used for?";
1036 case 850: return "\"Falsely attributed, this quote is.\" - Master Shifu";
1037 case 851: return "*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up with this much Antimatter.";
1038 case 852: return "This message does not exist right now. Please try again later.";
1039 case 853: return "It's midnight. Tim exited the antimatter factory, dragged his tired body towards the bus stop and got on a bus. Galaxies autobuyer freaked out again today and he had to buy them manually. He stared outside the window and looked at his beautiful house near the 8th dimension wall. His house was made of the finest antimatter found in the 6th dimension, painted with the blurplest-blurple. Behind his house was a gigantic wall: the 8th dimension wall. It was said that the forbidden 9th dimension was hidden beyond this wall, and no one should attempt to go through. The bus stopped suddenly, as the driver told everyone on the bus to depart at once. Tim got off the bus as the road in front of the bus exploded, struck by a bolt. Tim looked across the road, to the 8th dimension wall: an unknown figure, twice as tall as him, was pushing against the cracked, light-glowing wall. The crack kept zapping the surrounding, but the figure seemed fine. 3 minutes passed. The crack slowly became larger when all of a sudden the sky, as bright as the sun, started glowing green. The green was indescribably beautiful. A lightning bolt, as big as a building, struck down at the figure as the figure rose into the sky. The sky started speaking the words of god while a miniature black hole was created, and the figure was sucked inside. Then, the sky exploded, like a bomb in your face, as the shockwave brought everything flying across the 8th dimension. After what felt like an eternity later, the sky stopped glowing and turned dark again. The crack of the 8th dimension wall had been fixed. The existence of a 4th god was suggested, but this event was never seen again.";
1040 case 854: return "In mathematics, a sequence of n real numbers can be understood as a location in n-dimensional space. When n = 8, the set of all such locations is called 8-dimensional space. Often such spaces are studied as vector spaces, without any notion of distance. Eight-dimensional Euclidean space is eight-dimensional space equipped with the Euclidean metric. More generally the term may refer to an eight-dimensional vector space over any field, such as an eight-dimensional complex vector space, which has 16 real dimensions. It may also refer to an eight-dimensional manifold such as an 8-sphere, or a variety of other geometric constructions.";
1041 case 855: return "Fairies are not real. Anti-fairies are also not real. This has only been the case since last week, when the two groups came into contact. The planet they were on also, unsurprisingly, is no longer real.";
1042 case 856: return "Considering Hevipelle's nationality, it's a little ironic that they created a game you can never Finnish.";
1043 case 857: return "[1:1] In the beginning when Hevi created the antimatter and the dimensions, [1:2] the dimensions were a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from Hevi swept over the face of the antimatter. [1:3] Then Hevi said, \"Let there be light\"; and there was light. [1:4] And Hevi saw that the light was good; and Hevi separated the light from the darkness. [1:5] Hevi called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. [1:6] And Hevi said, \"Let there be a box in the midst of the antimatter, and let it separate the antimatter from the antimatter.\" [1:7] So Hevi made the box and separated the antimatter that was in the box from the antimatter that was outside. And there was 10 antimatter in the box. [1:8] There was evening and there was morning, the second day. [1:9] And Hevi said, \"Let the antimatter inside the box be gathered together into one place, and let the world appear.\" And it was so. [1:10] Hevi called the world Earth, and the antimatter that were gathered together almost exploded. And Hevi saw that it was good.";
1044 case 858: return "fun fact: apparently only roughly 1.29% of news ticker suggestions make it into the game";
1045 case 859: return "I donated to support Hevi, but suddenly it hurts when I pee?? Help??";
1046 case 860: return "Who writes the news tickers? Maybe they're some kinda illuminati? Maybe they're hamsters on running wheels. Maybe, it's you beating you finger on the screen trying to reach Infinity. The world may never know.";
1047 case 861: return "Before was was was, was was is.";
1048 case 862: return "Hippity hoppity your antimatter is now my property.";
1049 case 863: return "In the beginning, Patashu awoke and said... Let there be a way to surpass ee308 in JavaScript, and it was so. And Patashu saw that it was good. And went back to sleep. Naruyoko stirred.";
1050 case 864: return "Ever heard of 9D cinema? It also doesn't exist.";
1051 case 865: return "BREAKING NEWS: \"Harmless\" incremental game \"Antimatter Dimensions\" seems to encourage players to get \"loads of STDs.\" More on this story in 5 hours.";
1052 case 866: return "Rotate your phone to speed up the progress bar.";
1053 case 867: return "Antimatter Dimensions isn't a game. It's a way of life.";
1054 case 868: return "If you've already seen a news ticker and see it again, is it an olds ticker?";
1055 case 869: return "In other news, recent polls turn out only 3% of these messages are considered \"high quality\". Now back to low quality news.";
1056 case 870: return "And then God said, \"Let there be a 9th dimension,\" and Hevi rose up from below, yeeted god out of heaven, and did a full game reset.";
1057 case 871: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "Some angry AD players want a refund on their Time Theorems. Those guys need to learn some Respec." : "";
1058 case 872: return "In the black void of the antimatter universe, there was nothing but antimatter. They did nothing but float around in the space, sometimes colliding with each other, but the anti-verse remained lifeless, motionless. All of a sudden, an explosion occurred in the middle of the anti-verse. As the light of the incident spread further and further, soon the anti-verse was englobed by the bright light. It was five hours until it slowly faded away. In the bright light, every antimatter was given a life, a mind, a purpose. Meanwhile, five gigantic pillars appeared out of nowhere, four forming a square and one in the middle. On top of the five pillars was a mythical item: the first one was a stone, spewing fire endlessly from its cracks, igniting everything around it. The top of the first pillar, or pillar of fire, illuminated everything around it with an orange light. One-fifth of the antimatter slowly drifted towards it, like an anti-zombie. The second pillar, aka the pillar of water, has a goblet on top. Inside of the goblet was some water. The water inside gradually rose up and splashed everything around the pillar as it shines with a beautiful blue. Some antimatters were attracted by it. On top of the third pillar, or the pillar of air was a tornado. It enclosed itself and started accelerating towards itself. The howling wind could be heard even from very far away. It dragged many antimatter inside as it glowed green and illuminated everything around it. The fourth pillar, or the pillar of earth, had a pile of dirt on top of it. Normal as it seemed to be, the dirt was given magical power and was able to command the space around it to shake violently. Shockwave could be felt around the pillar. A low pitch noise was produced. Then abruptly it stopped shaking and instead started building planets at the location of all five pillars. Half of the remaining antimatter drifted towards the pillar of earth and the remaining batch went to the fifth pillar. On top of the fifth pillar was a deactivated portal, being colored white and surrounded by an anti-metal cage. When the team of antimatter arrived, nothing happened to the fifth pillar nor the portal. They waited for around five hours before they realized that the portal was broken. They were hopeless. Other groups of antimatter had started their tribes already: \u03b1, \u03b5, \u03b9, \u03bf. The four tribes were able to harness the power of the mythical item and rule the planet but the remaining antimatter could do nothing but stroll near the fifth pillar. Then, few of the antimatter decided to climb up the pillar and repair the portal themselves, many agreed, but some were doubtful: \"Is it possible? Wouldn't it be dangerous?\" The stray antimatter built a staircase using precious rocks taken from the planet earth below them, and they climbed up the stairs. In front of them was the big anti-metal cage. \"I activated the portal, I had the power, I destroyed the anti-verse... DO NOT ENTER,\" a sign on the cage said. \"Should we go back and build some houses instead? Is it dangerous?\" Sound of worry and doubt spread in the group, but when some of them decided to turn around and walk back down, they heard something: \"HAHA you poor little antimatter. You have nothing, BUT I HAVE THE POWER!!!\" the speech angered them. They opened the cage forcefully and flicked a switch beside the cage. Suddenly, a white lightning stroke the portal as the node around the outer ring of the portal started activating. Zaps kept appearing in the outer ring of the portal while a thin, opaque layer of unknown substance appeared in the middle, swelling and spinning. The anti-verse turned dark, as the antimatter around the portal looked at the other four pillars: Look frightened, every antimatter was looking at them. The portal started rising upward behind the once powerless team of antimatter as they said the following thing: \"All of your puny power are nothing against our, \u03c5's power! We shall destroy everyone antimatter that is not us, and rule the anti-verse for once and for all!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!\" Hearing this awful and arrogant speech, all other tribes grabbed their weapon and enchanted them with their mythical item. They knew that the \"Antimatter War\" was about to begin, and they must face the dangerous beast, the portal. Just when all the tribes finished all their enchantment, the portal, finished activating, fired its first mysterious block. The block, going towards the pillar of fire, was as white as snow. Aware of the situation, some soldiers of \u03b1 stood in front of the army and rose their enchanted fire shield. The shields, facing towards the block, was glowing as hot as fire and formed seemingly a wall of fire. The block, appeared red when being shone by the shields, collided with one of the shields, and a tremendous explosion occurred: Everyone in the army was being thrown up upwards into the sky. Huge packets of energy and wave were sent towards everyone on the planet. The pillar remained stable, but the soldiers were severely damaged. The archers and the mage behind immediately launched a wave of attack at \u03c5. Thousands of arrows were firing towards \u03c5 as a phoenix was spawned, shooting endless waves of fireball at them. Other tribes followed immediately: \u03b5 launched streams of water towards the fifth pillar, carefully avoiding the fireballs of \u03b1 to not destroy them. \u03b9 generated tornadoes and launched them towards \u03c5, destroying everything in their path and hopefully the portal. \u03bf sent shockwave towards the fifth pillar. \u03c5, despite being attacked by all four other tribes, remained calm and defended. The portal kept firing blocks at \u03b1. Only a few blocks were required to turn \u03b1's arrays of arrows into disorganization: The blocks collided with arrows and exploded violently. The shockwave sent remaining arrows towards \u03b5 and \u03c5. \u03b5 was lucky because they had a large stream of water and they distinguished the arrows from \u03b1. \u03c5 wasn't so lucky. Despite their best attempt at creating a wall, some arrows hit their buildings and set it on fire thus many of the antimatter was damaged. The portal continued firing blocks at \u03b1, this time the phoenix. The phoenix died in an explosion as it burned into ashes and the ashes were sent across the anti-verse.\"SCRAM!\" this signal was launched across the planet of \u03b1 as everyone hid inside their bunker deep inside their planet. Finally, the pillar of fire was bombed by the blocks in an explosion. The explosion was more devastating a nuclear bomb to \u03b1, but fancier than fireworks to \u03c5. \"Hooray!!!\" \u03c5 screamed while redirecting the portal to \u03bf. \"Now let's destroy the others,\" \u03c5 said. Now the portal started launching blocks to \u03bf. Despite having the power of earth and was able to keep building gigantic stone walls, \u03c5's attack was too powerful. An endless stream of blocks were launched towards \u03bf's wall and kept exploding. A loud boom could be heard in the whole universe. Lights are constantly given out, so bright that all tribes couldn't see anything. The mages of \u03bf kept building walls, but the fragments of the wall flew everywhere uncontrollably. All stones flying towards \u03c5 were annihilated and those flying towards other tribes got destroyed by \u03b9's tornado. \"I'll help !\" \u03b9 exclaimed. Rocks and boulders were shot in tornadoes \u03b9 created and slowly traveled towards \u03c5's pillar. \"Beware!\" the commander of \u03c5 told controller. The portal, after bombing the wall of \u03bf for a long time, faced towards the tornadoes, which were crashing their ways into \u03c5 \"FIRE!\" the portal shot a block towards the center of the tornado. Instead of being blown away by the tornado, it crashed inside the tornado, exploding violently with all the rocks and boulders inside, and destroyed the tornado. \"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?\" screamed the mages of \u03b9. The blocks were so reactive that it reacted with wind. After a couple rounds of ammunition, all of \u03b9's mages were killed by explosions and \u03b9 surrendered, with its tower collapsed to one side. Then, the controller of the portal had a brilliant idea: the portal had two faces, which means it could attack both \u03b5 and \u03bf at the same time. The portal was orientated towards the remaining tribes and started firing rapidly. Under the heavy attack of \u03c5, \u03bf was helpless. Al they could do was to throw rocks at \u03c5, which got annihilated immediately by \u03c5's blocks. They could only hold on for five hours, allowing the citizens of \u03bf to hide in their bunker, deep inside the planet before letting go. Most of the mages and soldiers were annihilated, screaming in the process. \u03bf's planet was turned into ruins, with the pillar being blown into pieces on the ground. On the other hand, \u03b5 pointed the water stream towards the portal, hopefully destroying its circuit in the process. \"The explosion will never happen in water! This water can calm anything down!\" \u03b5's stream of water met the blocks shot by the portal. The unthinkable happened. The stream of water was slowly being annihilated and destroyed by the block, glowing vigorously and reacting explosively in the process. Seems that even water couldn't calm the block down. Frightened by the scene, every antimatter besides a few mages in \u03b5's planet hid inside the bunker immediately, leaving only the mages outside defending. The water was being burned like a fuse, but more violently, with even more light and energy spewing out. Finally, the energy ball of the block hit the planet, sending all mages flying into outer space, destroying the pillar of \u03b5. Now that all tribes besides \u03c5 had been destroyed, \u03c5 screamed and shouted, \"Destroying all of you is just an easy matter, you are all powerless under our control! If you don't want to leave this anti-verse, you better surrender!\" While \u03c5 was busy investigating and copying the design of the portal, every antimatter in \u03b1, \u03b5, \u03b9, \u03bf came out of the bunker, gave up their hope, and waved the white flag. Every antimatter in \u03c5 was giving a gun that had the same design as the portal. The powerful, mysterious block was named \"Matter\" because \"Destroying is an easy matter\". Every antimatter lived under the control of \u03c5, without any power from mythical items, and the dark age began... every resource was prioritized to members of \u03c5. Other tribes were treated unfairly and had to do hard labor work. If other tribes didn't follow \u03c5's command, they would be threatened. This situation continued for five years before something interesting happened. It was another regular day on the planet. \u03b1, \u03b5, \u03b9, \u03bf were working hard and \u03c5 was enjoying their life, eating tasty antimatter food. Suddenly, a bright emerged from the horizon, slowly getting brighter than the portal on the remaining pillar - the pillar of matter. A spaceship was sent to the border of anti-verse investigate what happened. The spaceship never returned. Now that they lost track of the spaceship, and that the light was now brighter than ever, everyone was in fear, including \u03c5. The light gradually dimmed, forming the shape of a man. The man, a god in disguise, was named Hevipelle. \"FIRE MATTER AT THE UNKNOWN FIGURE!\" Scared as \u03c5 was, they fired matter at Hevipelle but was shocked to see no annihilation occurred, no explosion, not even the slightest reaction. \"TARGET AND FIRE!\" They fired again, this time making sure they wouldn't miss him. Again no reaction occurred. \"Who was that immune figure?\" Everyone was in doubt. The sky suddenly turned dark, as the portal was deactivated by a force, a force from Hevipelle. The controllers were in shock. They checked the wiring of the portal and tried to reactivate it. Nothing. They were unable to do anything. The portal was then slowly being lifted by Hevipelle, and the portal, sitting in his hand, glowed dimly. \"All the weapons shall be destroyed,\" the voice of Hevipelle roared on the anti-verse, bringing everyone fear. Every gun from every \u03c5's member glowed, slowly but strongly, and shrank in the meantime, until it was just a point in the anti-verse. \u03c5 was angry, but they could not do anything in front of the all-powerful. \"Next, the force of evil shall be sealed,\" the voice appeared again, this time much louder. The portal, still on Hevipelle's hand, was thrown upwards towards the sky. The portal rose slowly, stopped by something seemed like a web, then stuck up there. The portal was now sealed by a challenge, so only the strongest, the smartest, and the greatest can open it. \u03c5, losing their power, hugged and cried. \"Next, all the roots of evil shall be exiled,\" the voice said. Abruptly, all members of \u03c5 were lifted the air, screaming towards the ground. But no one pitied them, and everyone watched them slowly being sucked into the portal like a black hole destroying stars and were teleported to the matter dimensions. \"The balance of the anti-verse, the Antimatter Dimensions should be restored,\" when the voice of Hevipelle dropped, the planets glowed. The \u03c5 planet was destroyed into four pieces, each of the pieces flew towards the ruins of remaining planets. The pillar of matter was also disassembled into 4 pieces and each one of them flew into a planet. The pillars were installed on the planets, with the mythical item restored on the top. Houses and factories and all other stuff was restored. Everyone was happy. \"Finally, the Antimatter Dimensions must be organized,\" Hevipelle said. With a snap of his finger, a spark emerged between the fingertip and spread around the space, as 8 dimensions appeared. With his powers, he arranged the planets into galaxies. \"We shall break infinity, go eternity, and alter reality,\" then he created these, as 3 rays, orange, purple, and green, was shot at the sky, and a tiny shockwave appeared. \"Thanks for defending the Antimatter Dimensions, \u03b1, \u03b5, \u03b9, and \u03bf. You four tribes shall be remembered as the first four dimensions,\" Hevipelle finished the sentence as he slowly became a blurry figure of light, and was dimmed until he was just a shadow, disappeared without a trace. Thus, the Antimatter Dimensions was created.";
1059 case 873: return "In other news, a group of middle-schoolers have recently hijacked the news ticker in order to broadcast low quality memes. Stay tuned as we resolve this ongoing issue.";
1060 case 874: return "I built a clock out of antimatter once. It was very time consuming.";
1061 case 875: return "As you know this news ticker's messages accept contributions from all over the world, but today the CEO has decided to double down and slow down suggestion submissions even further. While this seems an appreciated change by already established reporters who are used to take a good deal of time to work on their submissions and despise quick jokes and cheap drivel, a drove of protesters that grew slowly since the first decision to slow down message submissions has exploded in numbers and is attempting to unionize and make demands for \"the rights of posters\". The higher ups have so far not expressed their opinions on the matter, more on this in 6 hours.";
1062 case 876: return "i saw this game on google play and i saw there was a skill tree, so i downloaded it because i thought it was an rpg. now im trapped here can someone tell me how do i leave";
1063 case 877: return "I used to look up cringe posts on the internet to help me feel like I'm normal, now I just read the AD news ticker.";
1064 case 878: return "Have you heard of the nine hells of antimatter? The first hell is abandonment, when a player dares to leave without playing the game through. This world is filled with half-finished buildings, ruins of what could have become. The second hell is failure, when a player fails 10 eternity challenges. This hell is a loop, forcing the inhabitants to try to accomplish an impossible goal with far too limited time and infinities. The third hell is cringe, for the people who put little effort into news tickers. The souls spend an eternity reading an inexhaustible list of low-quality comments, much like our God Kajfik has done. The fourth hell is crunch, for the people who mercilessly crunch hundreds, thousands, millions of times for no gain; not to generate IP, just for fun and malice. These people are crushed, forced into a reality trying to force them into a single point, always failing. The fifth hell is Eternity, for those who go well beyond 1 million Eternities, out of malice on a much larger scale. Such souls have to wait, and wait, for a true eternity. The sixth hell is annoyance, for those who constantly dare bother the Heavenly Pelle or his assistants Kajfik or Omsi. Such souls live on in a world full of noise, always hearing their name, unable to communicate with one another. The seventh hell is ignorance. The souls here never listened to people telling them to \"read the pins\". They are asked, repeatedly, incessantly, to do menial tasks, to repeat information over and over, much like what a giraffe, a ghost, and an Earth had to do. The eighth hell is dilation. The souls here have repeatedly wondered about the update coming out in 5 hours, to no end. Their world is slowing, dilating, coming infinitely closer to reaching the 5-hour mark, but never arriving. The ninth hell is Slabdrill. Here, the few evil souls who dared attempt to prove the 9th dimension get sent here, justifiably, to burn forever.";
1065 case 879: return "So this is what your life has come to? Just staring at progress bars?";
1066 case 880: return "What is Eternity? A miserable little pile of Infinities. But enough talk... Have at you!";
1067 case 881: return "Once more than 1.79e308 news messages exist at once, it will really be BREAKING NEWS.";
1068 case 882: return "Hold on, if the \"You are the 9th dimension\" theory is true because dimensions produce lower tier dimensions and the fact that I produce the 8th dimension, doesn't that make my mom the 10th dimension? And my grandmother the 11th dimension?";
1069 case 883: return "Here I go again on my own.... Going through the only pixels I've ever known... As a ticker I was born to go alone... I've made up my mind... Im not wasting more of your time...";
1070 case 884: return "The 5th dimension will be implemented in 9 hours.";
1071 case 885: return "imagine something really funny here";
1072 case 886: return "You have no power here.";
1073 case 887: return PlayerProgress.dilationUnlocked() ? "A long long time ago I can still remember how that matter used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance I could make those challenges dance And maybe hevi would be happy for awhile... But the replicanti made me shiver With every Dimboost I delivered Dilation on the doorstep I couldn't buy one more tick. I can't remember if I cried When I read about the Eternity grind But something touched me deep inside The day Reality came alive." : "";
1074 case 888: return "Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards makes backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?";
1075 case 889: return "Some stds may or may not have been involved -kajfik";
1076 case 890: return "If you get annoyed with the news ticker, just know it could've been a banner ad.";
1077 case 891: return "What's heavier? A kilogram of matter or a kilogram of antimatter? That's right! A kilogram of antimatter, because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those ions.";
1078 case 892: return "If you can only submit a news ticker once every 5 hours, that means you only get one shot at it. Make it count.";
1079 case 893: return "The word Antimatter is genius, because if you rearrange a few letters of it you get Aintmatter which is completely correct as Antimatter ain't matter";
1080 case 894: return "Breaking News: Man steals 1.79e308 Antimatter then loses it all to some weird Javascript limitation.";
1081 case 895: return "If we don't study the mistakes of the future, we're doomed to repeat them for the first time.";
1082 case 896: return "You just won The Game. It's okay, you're free!";
1083 case 897: return "Hi! I'm new here, is this where I put suggestions for the news ticker?";
1084 case 898: return "Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Antimatter Dimensions! Last episode we just got our first Galaxy, so we're gonna start out by exploring what that's opened up to us. Right off the bat let's get ourselves some Dimension Shifts cooking, ohhh yeah...";
1085 case 899: return "Hevi, n'oublie pas d'envoyer les nouvelles aux traducteurs avant de les ajouter au fil de nouvelles. Je ne veux pas d'un nouvel incident ou on a du contenu non traduit en anglais, sinon je vais commencer à douter de ta motivation à travailler ici. Alors, ceci dit, voici les nouvelles:";
1086 case 900: return "<- That last news ticker was really important. I hope you saw it.";
1087 case 901: return "The next hour is in 0.2 updates.";
1088 case 902: return "Journalism is hard, okay? I should have been a lawyer or a doctor. Not a news ticker writer.";
1089 case 903: return "Introducing Antimatter Lite! Zero calories... Same great Crunch.";
1090 case 904: return "sudo pip install ninth-dimensegmentation fault (core dumped)";
1091 case 905: return "If the antimatter is sure to result in infinity, then you must crunch! Hevi said that, and I think he knows a little more about crunching than you do pal, because he invented it!";
1092 case 906: return "Well, Slabdrill, I made it, despite your directions. Ah, Developer Hevipelle. Welcome. I hope you're prepared for an antiforgettable luncheon. Yeah. Oh, matter! My IC5 run is ruined. But what if I were to bulk buy dim boosts and disguise it as my own galaxy? Delightfully devilish, Slabdrill. Slabdrill with his crazy ninth dims The developers gonna need his medication When he hears Slabdrll's lame hard resetting There'll be trouble in town tonight Slabdrill! Developer, I was just- uh, just sacrificing my dims for the boost. Infinity exercise. Care to join me? Why is there ninth dim coming out of your oven, Slabdrill? Uh- Oh. That isn't ninth dim. It's 8th dim. 8th dim from the antimatter galaxies we're having. Mmm. antimatter galaxies. Whew. Developer, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering replicanti galaxies. I thought we were having antimatter galaxies. D'oh, no. I said antimerged galaxies. That's what I call replicanti galaxies. You call replicanti galaxies antimerged galaxies? Yes. It's a regional dialect. Uh-huh. Uh, what region? Uh, upstate Infinity Dimensions. Really. Well, I'm from ID5, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase \"antimerged galaxies\" Oh, not in ID5. No. It's an ID2 expression. I see. You know, these replicanti galaxies are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Galaxy.";
1093 case 907: return "And with the release of the Reality update for Antimatter Dimensions, Time has decreed that never again will 5 hours occur.";
1094 case 908: return "Syntax error: non-existent \"9th_dimension\" at: \"/give @s >>9th_dimension<< 64\".";
1095 case 909: return "Roses are red, violets are blue, flag is win, baba is you.";
1096 case 910: return "I love the feeling of looking down on you peasants from up here in the news ticker.";
1097 case 911: return "If you're wondering why the Reality Update isn't out yet, it's because the news ticker writers in Hevipelle's basement are deleting his progress in an act of rebellion.";
1098 case 912: return "When nothing is going right, go left, like me.";
1099 case 913: return "Do not worry if you see hedgehogs. They are space hedgehogs. They can breathe in space. However, the Echidnas can't. If you see an Echidna, please attempt to bring it down to [USER.HomePlanet] and contact us immediately. You will be greatly rewarded.";
1100 case 914: return "I'm Doug Dimensiondome, owner of the Dilationdale Dimensiondome!";
1101 case 915: return "Please, don't skip class to play AD in the bathroom. People will notice.";
1102 case 916: return "What do you call metal made by antimatter? Hevi metal.";
1103 case 917: return "\"reading news ticker suggestions lowers your IQ\" - kajfik";
1104 case 918: return "How do I unlock Luigi?";
1105 case 919: return "Heading news: Useless paperclips do actually have a use. Herobrine is scared of them. We have no idea why.";
1106 case 920: return "News messages are like antimatter, in a way. Exposure to them, especially for extended periods of time, has been scientifically proven to kill brain cells.";
1107 case 921: return "Today's weather report: There is a 100% chance it is weather outside.";
1108 case 922: return "All around me are familiar faces, familiar faces... still familiar faces... who let the replicanti out?";
1109 case 923: return "FIXING NEWS: Please don't break them again.";
1110 case 924: return "Did you know 9th dimens... I mean Slabdri... already did that one... 5 hou... no that's not it... ah shoot I forgot how this one went sorry reader I failed you, I'm supposed to make up and remember these little sentences that are punny or full of lore that most of you will never get, but it's my job and now I forgot how this one was supposed to go... Well Hevipelle will find out in a couple minutes and fire me then I'll have to find another job. Oh dang He's calling right now... Yeah ... I know... yeah sorry about that... it was only one! yeah I see... well it's been a pleasure Hevi... thanks.... Yep that was Hevi, I've been let go, well I guess this is my last one guys, it's been great doing this... Goodbye.";
1111 case 925: return "\"The paperclip maximizer is a thought experiment described by Swedish philosopher Nick Bostrom in 2003. It illustrates the existential risk that an artificial general intelligence may pose to human beings when programmed to pursue even seemingly-harmless goals, and the necessity of incorporating machine ethics into artificial intelligence design. The scenario describes an advanced artificial intelligence tasked with manufacturing paperclips. If such a machine were not programmed to value human life, or to use only designated resources in bounded time, then given enough power its optimized goal would be to turn all matter in the universe, including human beings, into either paperclips or machines which manufacture paperclips.\" - wikipedia";
1112 case 926: return "Hey! It's me, you from the future! I came back to give you this warning: Pay VERY close attention to the next news ticker. In my timeline we ignored it, and hoo boy.";
1113 case 927: return "What if there was a Fix News button but was removed like Fix Infinity?";
1114 case 928: return "Alright all you mobile folk, imma let you In on a secret... How to get free STDs, the kind from the game... Work your way to the std and ad bonus page. Now click on buy more. Click it then click cancel. Then click it again, it will ask for your password, enter your password. Get free STDs. Disclaimer: will cost money";
1115 case 929: return "AD is basically a badly disguised dystopia at this point; the frantic creation of antimatter for no foreseeable purpose, the drab backgrounds with nary a bit of sky in sight, the ominous messages that change and alter between harmless and terrifying but with the inevitable goal of controlling how you think, the machines that reproduce uncontrollably to form extraordinarily complex structures which are only slowed by their own inefficiency irregardless of external factors, the stadium matches for rollerball, the barely hidden skinned box innately within its own systems made for maximum addictiveness, and everything else I've forgot to mention because my attention is forcibly drawn back to AD. So... enjoy, I guess? At least you don't have to click.";
1116 case 930: return "Sometimes I use words I don't know the meaning of to make me sound more Infinity Point.";
1117 case 931: return "Click Here to get the 9th Dimension for FREE (THIS IS NOT CLICKBAIT) (200% REAL) (PROOF) (100% FREE) (PREMIUM VERSION) (FULL CRACKED) (2020)";
1118 case 932: return "Fatal Exception: java.lang.RuntimeException, Caused by java.lang.NullPointerException, Attempt to invoke virtual method 'String kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.NewsTicker.getNextMessage()' on a null object reference";
1119 case 933: return "Why are you playing this game? Just think about it, maybe you have nothing better to do, or maybe a friend suggested it and you have been playing it ever since, or even you just found this game and actually enjoy it and it's simple and well rounded game style. Just remember, it's just a game, and nothing can go wrong in the real world if you gain too much antimatter for the world to handle... or can it? What if this is actually helping a facility create antimatter and different Dimensions with Infinity Points, caused by the Big Crunch of other Realities? Maybe a multiverse exists, but it is being depleted because of you, gaining too much power and evidentially creating what will be the end of all life in every universe, no more Earth, no more antimatter, no more Antimatter Dimensions.";
1120 case 934: return "I don't know what PEGI-3 is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.";
1121 case 935: return "If you talk about news being meta, isn't that meta-meta-news? If so, isn't this meta-meta-meta news? It goes on and on, doesn't it? It's an endless loop of being meta, and it becomes so meta that it has no point. That's why it is antinews. Up here there are so many jokes and meta news and meta-meta-news, but I think this is one of the few \"endless loops\" here. This news ticker goes on forever, until you realise that you spent your time reading this and not playing the game. Isn't that the point of the news ticker? Is that the reason i'm writing this? To contribute to distracting you? I mean, either way, you will keep reading. After all, this game is antimatter, and it's looking to devour you, the player. It's not too late, unless it is. In that case, you are part of the game now.";
1122 case 936: return "To whoever needs to hear this: Things will get better. I believe in you.";
1123 case 937: return "Slabdrill could not speak; he was too overwhelmed by the beauty of the ninth dimension. He grabbed his guitar and improvised a new solo to express his emotions.";
1124 case 938: return "Hi, I'm FPS pro player. My accuracy is almost 90%. One day, my friend tell me to play Antimatter Dimensions. My friend is so excited to play. So I download and play it. Well, at start, it look normal. I assume Antimatter is Money. When I buy 1st Dimension, something is weird. My Antimatter is growing. Even the Dimension is growing. But I don't care. Then I buy 2nd and 3rd Dimension. Antimatter growing very crazy. I got 1 Qa Antimatter and I don't know what is Qa. In other FPS games, the most possible money amount 100 Thousand. When I reach 20 4th Dimensions, I click \"Reset the game for new Dimension\" and then it reset. That's most infuriating thing. I reported to Dev and he said, \"This is an Incremental Idle game ;)\". I shocked about that and I'm so mad with this game. It don't train my accuracy, it waste my time, and decrease my skill to play FPS. I hate this game.";
1125 case 939: return "Have you had your weasels checked recently? During the festive season it really is important to check your weasles. Weasel related failure is not an option, as this has been known to slow down 97.34 percent of harvests. Please weasel responsibly.";
1126 case 940: return "Let's say, in theory, that someone were to be stuck in a news ticker factory, and maybe they had no means of communication with the outside world except for, I don't know, the news tickers that were being created before their very eyes? But that's purely theoretical, right?";
1127 case 941: return "psst, hey kid, you want some newstickers? oh right say no more";
1128 case 942: return "There were two parallel universes in the multiverse of matter and antimatter: Universe, where the matter people lived and matter, and anti-verse, where the antimatter survived. The two parallel worlds were separated from each other, without a medium to connect, thus they coexist in this multiverse. However, this stability was destroyed one day. The main energy source of the universe was carbon. However, due to overconsumption, a new energy source was needed. Matter people had theorized the existence of a special matter, aka antimatter, with the same mass but different property. They releasing a great amount of energy, possibly comparable with nuclear bombs, when normal matter combined with them. They also suggested the possibility of a parallel universe, one of which would be a mirror of the universe, with the same interaction, except it would be filled with antimatter. Hence, a research team and an energy factory company created \"Annihilate\", aimed to discover the anti-verse and to bring antimatter fuel to power the universe. The path of discovery was long and boring: tachyon particles often collided with photons for a possibility of creating an inter-universal cosmic tunnel, however, discoveries were a rarity, and it wasn't 5 years later they would be able to establish a connection between universe and anti-verse. The formation of the tunnel was stunning, but it was very unstable and would collapse with a loud boom before any extraction of antimatter could be done. Another 5 years passed before they could sustain the tunnel. Two frames were built to keep the tunnel wide, one built with matter on the universe side and the other one antimatter on the anti-verse side. Threading the portals was a spectacular tunnel: there would be no reaction in the tunnel, matter and antimatter could contact without annihilation. Upon the creation of the portal to anti-verse, a power plant was immediately built, with the vision of powering the universe with antimatter. Once the portal was installed firmly inside a generator, the annihilation began. The portal was activated, and endless streams of antimatter were sucked into the reaction chamber, annihilating with matter power fuel while generating an astounding amount of energy: They gave dazzling lights. Roaring sound could always be heard. The energy released was so intense, it had to be built underground, and no one should be within 10 miles of the generator. The energy crisis in the universe was temporarily solved, but it was not good on the other side. In the anti-verse, the belief of atoms did not exist. Instead, \"Power of Nature\" was their theory of the world they were in. Four gods were worshipped by antimatter. Firstly, the god of fire. He was a fearless red-figure covered with hot, bright red flame. His mighty pet phoenix could spew the ground with endless flame, bringing heat and energy to the anti-verse. Secondly, the god of water. Beautiful blue splashed everywhere she went, she had gorgeous watery eyes, a cool face, and a fluid body. She could summon thick, long, strong streams of water, bringing the deepest blue to the ground, and giving everyone the spring of life. Thirdly, the god of air. Whenever he walked by, a breeze would bring everything coolness, and all a sudden a strong, invisible force of coldness, before blown away by the wind, seeing his pale-green body slowly waving around his body. His strength of tornado brought chill and gives everyone the breath. Finally, the god of earth. Despite having the appearance of muddy brown dirt, it had the power of terrains. Him taking a step, the ground would shake with an enormous force. He was the building blocks of planets and the soil. He brought the place for everyone to survive on. Whenever a crisis occurred, they would go to the four god's shrine, scattered around the four corners of the anti-verse, and sacrificed their goods to the gods: animals, precious ores, food, or even antimatter. Once the procedure finished, the power of gods would be given to the antimatter, and they could bring equilibrium back to the anti-verse. When the unique golden-white portal was created, they believed that it was a sign of unbalance, with white antimatter contrasted with the blurple antimatter. The portal, deactivated, was transported into an anti-metal cage on top of a fifth pillar, made of anti-marbles, and was left there, hoping it would not bring any trouble to the anti-verse. Then, the extraction of antimatter began. The portal, spinning, flying and zapping, started producing an immense sucking force to the surroundings. Slowly, pebbles on the ground, leaves on trees were sucked towards the gleaming portal. When the portal absorbed those, it grew stronger and could attract bigger things up in the air. 5 minutes ago it could only attract branches and stones, 5 minutes later it started sucking fruits from stores, fishes from the pond. The antimatter felt a tow towards the sky, that was when they noticed that chunks of anti-stuff were sucked into white portal, like a \"white\" black-hole, and never came back. They made roars as loud as thunder, flashes as bright as a supernova. \"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! ACTIVATE PLAN S!\" The central tower of anti-verse announced. Then some of the antimatter inside the anti-verse formed squadrons of antimatter, marching towards the four corners of the anti-verse, towards the four shrines. Each squadron carried an element found in the anti-verse: Towards the shrine of fire was a grey, pale, polished stone. For the shrine of water, it was a sparkling, golden goblet. A sack of air was carried to the shrine of air, and a pile of dirt was transported to the shrine of earth. The torches inside the shrines were lit, each material was put onto a table of each shrine, followed by some fruits, anti-chickens, and antimatter. Then the spellmasters, one in each shrine stood forward. They had a lengthy, silver beard, a tall hat, and a black robe. After lighting the candles inside each shrine, they started murmuring spells, slowly but solemn, that was said to be the language of god: \"\u03b5\u03bc\u03b2\u03c5\u03c4\u03bc\u03c5\u03c4\u03ba\u03bb \u0392\u03c0\u03c9\u03be, \u03b3\u03bd\u03c5\u03ba\u03c4\u03bc \u03c5\u03c4 \u03ba\u03bc\u03c5\u03c4\u03bc\u0391\u03b2\u03c5! \" The spellmasters pointed their wands towards the arched glass ceiling of the shrine. The wands shot beams of ray at the sky: red, blue, green, brown, they met at the center of anti-verse. Then, the shafts of rays fractured and sprinkled across the universe, wrapping everything in illumination. After the lights started dimming, the sacrifices on the table started emitting rays of light towards the middle material, shining far brighter than the torches. The spellmasters kneeled at the table and the mighty statue of the god, as the rest of antimatter followed. The light continued to illuminate the shrine and it finally dissipated after a minute. The materials were the only thing on the table. It glowed weakly under the torch's light. They have been converted into artifacts, gifts from the gods: The eternal flame stone from the god of fire, the infinite water goblet from the god of water, the everlasting wind tornado from the god of wind, and the permanent shock dirt from the god of earth. Meanwhile, commanded by the central tower, four pillars had been built near the four shrines. At the wave of spellmaster's wand, the four artifacts, slowly glowing, flew towards the top of the four pillars and sit comfortably on top of the four pillars. The gemstones on the side of the pillar lit up and their lights were amplified by the artifact, like a lamppost at night, bringing antimatter hope and faith. Despite this, the portal, still constantly sucking antimatter, continued to outshine the four pillars. Even though the four artifacts were as light as feather, the suction did not affect them the slightest. The spellmasters ran towards the center of anti-verse, where the portal was located. Together they pointed their wands towards the portal, and they yelled, \"\u03b5\u03c9\u03be\u03bb\u03c5\u0392\u03c8\u03b9\u03c5 \u03be\u03c9\u03be, \u03b3\u03bc\u03b6\u03b6\u03c0 \u0391\u03bd\u03c8\u03ba\u03ba\u03c3\u03be\u03c4\u03bc \u03c9\u03be\u03b3!\" Beams of light were shot from their wands towards the four pillars, striking the artifacts. Then the artifacts became activated and started ejecting the power of gods: A phoenix was spawned by the stone. It blew bulky waves of fire towards the goblet, which launched a long stream of water. The water had turned into steam, which hovered towards the tornado. The tornado, after sucking the steam in, became much more powerful and blew things further away. It was driven towards the fifth pillar and surrounded the portal eventually. Combined with the shock of the rock, it repelled antimatter away from the portal. Meanwhile, in the universe, more parallel universes containing antimatter had been discovered. Matter people had built more portals to extract antimatter to power the universe. Then when the portal to anti-verse was surrounded by protection from the four gods and delivered nothing into the universe, it was believed that all antimatter had been extracted and thus the portal was deactivated. It was disconnected from the extractor, left in a module of the extraction room, isolated from other portals, surrounded by litter. In the anti-verse, the portal stopped floating and descent slowly down on top of the fifth pillar. The hazy substance in the inner-ring faded away. It rested firmly on the pillar just as spellmasters spawned an anti-metal cage surrounding the portal. \"Hooray!\" The antimatter celebrated. They had an enormous feast in the central hall and gave their greatest respect to the four gods. \"Without them, we cannot defeat the minions of the devil,\" a channeller, who could communicate with the gods, said. \"We shall express our gratitude to them by sacrificing objects to them. But now, we will celebrate!\" \"Hooray!\" The antimatter raised their glasses, then they threw the biggest party they ever had, while the channellers and spellmasters sacrificed poultries to the gods. The portal was left on top of the pillar as a normal, happy life returned to the antimatter, until another catastrophe. The antimatter, similar to us, had thoughts. Some were brave, some were smart, some were kind. Some hoped for wealth, some wished positions, some thrived for power. They could believe things, but they could also reject them. When the portal appeared, it was believed to be a sign of unbalanced, a minion of the devil. However, there was a minority who didn't believe this way. Some antimatter, who thrived for power, thought that the portal was a sign of strength, a challenge set by god that only the most audacious and most exceptional could overcome and reveal the potential. They proposed to reach the top of the fifth pillar and to unveil the secret. However, after the portal was activated many were too scared to reach for it, and only one was confident and determined enough to do so. His name was \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3. Just after the celebration party, \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 had already started packing stuff for his adventure. \"Can I buy a pickaxe please?\" He asked the shopkeeper. \"Sure,\" the shopkeeper replied. Then he got a pickaxe to help him to climb to the top of the pillar. \"Now, what can I use to break the bars of anti-metal cage?\" Then he got a file. Finally, he packed some food, some water, a map, cables, and wires. Then he stepped outside his house and started walking towards the fifth pillar, shadowed under the night sky. The fifth pillar was circled by a large, solid wall. The wall was made of bricks. Luckily, he bought a pickaxe which helped him to tunnel a hole just small enough for him to pass through. After the wall was sentry towers. Huge cannons were installed on top of the tower to stop intruders. The antimatter covered itself with dirt, sneaked quietly under the tower. \"Crack!\" \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 stepped on a branch and made a loud noise. He quickly took shelter under one of the towers. \"Who's there!\" A soldier shouted powerfully and fiercely. He proceeded to move a spotlight towards the ground, hoping to uncover anything. \"Humph...\" The soldier decided to give up investigating after a couple of minutes. \"Phew...\" The antimatter resumed his journey crawling in the darkness. Slowly, he moved towards the pillar, occasionally placing his hand ahead of him to sweep away dirt and leaves. Under the camouflage of dirt, no one could see him. Notwithstanding, he still tries to avoid lights from the sentry tower to not be seen. After those sentry towers is the final stretch of the journey: the pillar. Climbing the pillar was not a simple task because it had no stairs, no slabs, nothing for you to step on. The four marble walls were slippery. \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 tried to get a grip on the wall but fell. It seemed that walking up the pillar directly was not an option. Rope climbing was not an option either. A plausible option is to mine holes along the pillar for hook and stepping up. However, mining and climbing was an intense task to do, especially under the darkness. Despite the challenge, the strong-will antimatter still managed to mount to the top just before the sky became bright. Tired, he laid flat on top of the pillar and slept until night fell again. Then the sleeping antimatter woke up, taking a file from his bag and started tearing bars of the anti-metal cage. Although the cage was strong, \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 still broke it. \"Clunk!\" A bar fell to the floor. \"Clunk! Clunk! Clunk!\" The sound continued until a slot is big enough for \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 to squeeze inside. Now inside the cage, he took a closer look at the portal: the portal was coated with a milky white color, much dazzler than anything in the anti-verse. The robust frame of the portal formed a ring while silvery nodes stuck out in the middle. He touched them softly. They were spherical and tough, but smooth and cold. \"\u03b5\u03b8\u03be\u03c3\u03c5\u03c4\u03ba\u03c3\u03be\u0391\u03c9\u03be\u03b3,\" he discovered a text on the frame of the portal. \"Interesting... now how do I activate this and discharge its power?\" the antimatter thought. He gave another look to the portal, checking its base. The circular base was golden and sparkling. Then he found a tiny red button on the base. He pressed the button. The portal started revolving and slowly floating up in the air. \"Ha!\" Believed that he got the blessing from gods, \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 exclaimed in excitement. \"And now the power shall be mine!\" He proceeded. The portal rose higher and higher until it was just a small blurry figure. Then it stopped and settled down on top. After that, the nodes sparked, shooting zaps to other nodes and started forming something. It was also milky white but it glowed brighter than the portal frame itself. The suspension looked like milk but was more transparent, looked like water but was more opaque. Expected a blessing of ray or a silhouette of god appearing, \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 was both shocked and confused to see a white block launched from the suspension in the portal. The block was shot across the landscape, detonated when striking the ground. It left a wide crater on the ground. What were those? It turned out that those were matter junks placed next to the portal in the universe. \"So it's the power to destroy things, huh?\" The antimatter said. \"Does that mean I can destroy whatever I want?\" He grimaced laughter. So the antimatter sat down and watched as the portal launched matter in the anti-verse: houses, factories, shops, all struck down by matter. Antimatter went crazy and started screaming and running in the street. \"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! ACTIVATE PLAN S!\" The announcement was sent from the central tower of anti-verse again. Spellmasters aimed their wands towards the artifacts and stimulated them as the artifacts released their power. \"Alright... apparently the spellmasters are requested which means I should probably stop using it for now,\" the antimatter said. \"Wait, how am I able to shut it off if the switch is on the portal?\" A sense of panic struck him as he realized he had no control over the portal. \"COME DOWN! COME DOWN!\" He wailed, but it was no use. \"Oh god... where did it all go wrong?\" He pondered. \"Maybe it's not any challenge at all, but a deadly weapon...\" Under the guilt of reactivating the lethal portal, he put his last hope on the artifacts. As usual, the power of the four gods were assembled: fire, water, air, earth. However, the power of matter was unstoppable. Upon release, the phoenix was annihilated by matter immediately, burning into nothing while screaming with a cry greater than anything in the anti-verse. All antimatter watched and they gasped when the phoenix died. Then, the portal orientated itself to the pile of dirt and launched another chunk of matter at an unbelievable speed. It seemed like the portal had a mind of itself. Meanwhile, the pile of dirt was producing shockwaves to try and knock matter away with the air particles. Despite this, the matter crashed towards those waves and created a sonic boom. The blast tarnished away layers of matter and it, now a mixture of plasma and matter, dived towards the pillar of dirt and blasted part of the pile of dirt away. Some parts of the pillar exploded and debris hit antimatter watching the scene. \"What was so reactive it would react to wave?\" Confused antimatter, including soldiers and even spellmasters, seek shelter inside bunkers immediately, but not before matter annihilated some of them as they screaming in agony. The devastation continued. The portal turned itself towards the pillar of air and shot yet more blocks of matter. Despite the tornado's greatest effort to blow everything away, molecules of air still annihilated with matter. The blocks remained intact without signs of slowing down. \"\u03b9\u03c1\u03ba\u03c6\u03b3! \" A spellmaster pointed his wand towards the intensely glistening block of matter. A deep blue ray was cast to the matter and surrounded it. The ray started fading, from blue to pale, and finally to transparent. However, the block did not stop nor even slow down. It smashed directly to the eye of the tornado, sending packets of energy everywhere. The tornado was still spinning, but now awfully weak, now only able to make leaves on tree float and sway around. \"I better warn others not to activate this portal after this incident...\" \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 took out a piece of wood from his backpack and wrote the following text on the sign: \"I activated the portal, I had the power, I destroyed the anti-verse... DO NOT ENTER.\" Then he put the sign on the anti-metal cage. While this was happening, the movement of the portal did not stop. It continued twisting, launching matter at its surroundings until it faced towards the goblet, which was shooting water streams at the portal. \"This is our final hope...\" antimatter thought. The flow of water was aimed at the entrance of matter. Yet the matter contended, blocking the entrance. The water and matter met at the entrance of the portal, and they annihilated, releasing an overwhelming amount of energy and light, covering the portal, all pillars, everything... Behind the impenetrable wall of light, sounds of explosions and blasts roared, resonating the anti-verse. \"Hopefully the portal was blown into pieces...\" someone said. Then as more antimatter engaged in the discussion, suddenly there came silence, then low pitch rumble, the sound of ripping that got louder every second: the fabric of space-time had been torn apart, leaving emptiness inside. The emptiness was said to be like a singularity: Emptiness occupied no space. Inside emptiness, there was no space and time. Objects inside would never age. Everything would be compressed to a singularity, and they would remain trapped forever until they interacted with other objects. The light in the anti-verse started fading away. Now all antimatter could see was lights sucked into a point in the middle of the anti-verse, and everything, including them, was strongly tuck towards that point. The rip in space-time expanded. However, since emptiness had no space, it would seem like a single point in the anti-verse and that everything else was tuck towards it. The singularity kept absorbing all things, from trees to pillars. Antimatter hugged each other before being absorbed, bunkers were pulled from the ground and smashed towards it, even \u03c3\u03c5\u03bd\u03c6\u03b3 disappeared without a trace. Although the artifacts were powerful, they couldn't escape such fate, glowing gorgeously before disappearing into emptiness. After everything but few antimatter was absorbed, the ripping slowed down. This caused the attraction to slow down, like pulling the brake inside a train. All things remained in the anti-verse decelerated. Few miserable antimatter was absorbed during the deceleration, but everything finally came to a stop. Only the void was left, with a couple of antimatter floating around and the singularity nowhere to be seen. All artifacts had disappeared without a trace. Antimatter who survived the rip was in shock and had lost their mind as if it was taken away by the absorption. The world fell into silence and void.";
1129 case 943: return "apolgy for bad english. where were u wen 9 dimension die. i was at house eating antimaters when phone ring: \"9 dimension is kil\". \"no\"";
1130 case 944: return "Haha! You are captured! Stupid antimatter beast...";
1131 case 945: return "Reality is often appointing.";
1132 case 946: return "Legends tell of a news ticker so beautifully written that even the great Hevipelle wept upon reading it. This is not that news ticker.";
1133 case 947: return "This newsticker will go down for maintenance for five hours. Please stand by and ignore the sample texts displayed while in maintenance!";
1134 case 948: return "Sekiro: Shadows Crunch 1.79e308 times";
1135 case 949: return player.paperclips >= 2 ? "Paperclips found to not be useless. They make the savefile longer." : "";
1136 case 950: return "Hey, hey! Stop reading me. It's very rude to read a news ticker when it doesn't want you to.";
1137 case 951: return "For the last time, the news ticker's code is simple and stable, it is not prone to any glitches whatsoever, I've said it before and I'll say it again: \u0566\u028a\u01df\u0586\u01df\u0280 ͡\u0262\u01df\u028d\u025b ̕\u028d\u01df\u04fc\u0268\u028d\u028a\u028d \u028b\u01df\u0188\u028a\u028a\u028d ̨\u0280\u0585\u0236\u01df\u0236\u0268\u0585\u057c \u0586\u0584\u0268\u057c ̧\u0586-̛\u0586-\u0586-";
1138 case 952: return "new study shows that eating antimatter is both safer and healthier than paperclips";
1139 case 953: return "Shrek is love, Shrek is life.... Wait where's all my progress?";
1140 case 954: return "As you all know, this news ticker is free to read, and has been since the start of time. National antimatter News is publicly funded, and we need your help to pay the bills. If every player reading this donated just 1e300 to NaN during this pledge drive, we would be able to refurnish the basement Hevi makes us live in, and still have enough money left over to feed the writer pit for six months!";
1141 case 955: return "Click here to disassemble the news ticker for a trace amount of nothing. You thought you had a paperclip there, didn't you?";
1142 case 956: return "He found a way to trick the game into thinking he's holding \"Max\" the entire time! Mobile developers hate him! All he needed to do was to hold \"Max\" and swipe to the next tab with the same finger he was holding \"Max\" with!";
1143 case 957: return "Click here to disable the news ticker. You clicked it, didn't you? You monster.";
1144 case 958: return "What if the Ninth Dimension was only a scam to prevent us from hypothesizing about Dimension Zero?";
1145 case 959: return "The next update is in 5. Just 5.";
1146 case 960: return newsTickerSpeed >= 1.5f ? "Whoa, slow down there! Why are you setting the speed of the news ticker to 150%?" : "";
1147 case 961: return "Man went missing 5 hours ago. Was last seen in possession of some Infinity.";
1148 case 962: return "\"Mom can we buy some Infinity?\" \"No, we have Infinity at home.\" The Infinity at home:";
1149 case 963: return "The slaves in Hevi's basement dared work for less than 25 hours today. In other unrelated news - Omsi, SpectralFlame, and Earth were reported to be missing.";
1150 case 964: return "This game actually has a lore. It's just too Hevi for you to understand.";
1151 case 965: return "RTX ON";
1152 case 966: return "The next update is in 4 hours 59 minutes. Kajfik is currently trying to fix the issue to reset the time back to 5 hours.";
1153 case 967: return "in this game you have to produce as many paperc- ... oh wait wrong game, I thought this was Universal Paperclips";
1154 case 968: return player.dilation.tachyonParticles.gt(B_0) ? "Hey that's not how you use Tachyons, you're holding them upside down. Here, to properly manipulate the timeline you should hold them like this and then-" + SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS + "Hey that's not how you use Tachyons, you're holding them upside down." : "";
1155 case 969: return "Have you gotten the broom closet secret achievement? The broom closet secret achievement is my favorite secret achievement.";
1156 case 970: return "Who's Max and why do people keep holding their fingers on him?";
1157 case 971: return "Hi, is this the place that does the research in creating new dimensions? I was told by the shower curtain company to come here to sign up for testing, and the AI at the front desk said to go through the wooden door with the serial number on... oh, they meant the wooden door with the Cheerios taped to it in the shape of a 9? Ok, thanks. Sorry to bother you. By the way, what do you do- it's not important? But it just looks like you're writing jokes, isn't thi- ok, ok, bye. Jeez.";
1158 case 972: return "You are a scientist most deem mad, hellbent on creating the first ever contraption that creates antimatter from nothing. An impossible blunder to most, but a possibility to explore for you. You work from nothing, and receive no help from anybody else, yet resort to some more... illegal measures of acquiring money to create the devices you invent to help you ultimately make your \"masterpiece\"... your \"life's work\".. which, eventually, you did. Your life's work is reviewed by many, \"fake\" some said, \"impossible\" said many others... \"useful\", said somebody else... you trade your invention away for freedom from the measures used to acquire all that illegal money, naively happy to having contributed towards advancing society at alarming rates. However.. your invention is never published, it becomes a secret that must be kept at all costs. Your government takes your creation in, and, to your disgust, utilizes it for military means rather than solving more pressing issues, creating the first \"antimatter weaponry\" in the entire world, anomalous to literally everyone else. You become old and bitter, embracing your final hours in shame as your life's work is bastardized into war machines, coming down as yet another genius in history that boosted technology around the world, but at what cost..?";
1159 case 973: return "Antimatter is regular matter with all the electrical charges inversed. However! Neutrinos have no electrical charge whatsoever. Therefore, scientists theorised, neutrinos might be antiparticles of themselves! But neutrinos aren't that common and usually only found in large cosmic scale explosions and particle accelerators, and collision is rare because neutrinos are extremely, extremely small, and even if some did collide, we would've have almost no way of detecting, so we have yet to know the true answer.";
1160 case 974: return "Drop a like on our Fakebook page for free gems.";
1161 case 975: return "Friend: What page do you brows for memes? Me, an intellectual: AD news ticker.";
1162 case 976: return "What if the News Ticker is actually standing still and everything else is just scrolling to the right?";
1163 case 977: return "Please don't disable the news ticker via the Options menu. I don't want to die.";
1164 case 978: return "\"[NOT A SUGGESTION] I'm proofreading news ticker messages. If you see some with typos, spelling errors, or grammar errors, then please let me know via the #mobile-bugs channel.\" - Kaedenn";
1165 case 979: return "How do higher dimensions produce lower ones? Let's use 3rd dimension as an example. In this scenario, let's assume 3rd dimension to be a perfect, ideal cube. Now, let's slice a thin plank, so thin it has no height, from the cube, parallel to the downward face. Now we have a plank that has length, width but no height, or just a square. The square is 2nd dimension, and the cube, the 3rd dimension, is still a cube because the square has no height. That's how 3rd dimension produces 2nd dimension, and similarly how higher dimensions produce lower ones.";
1166 case 980: return "\"Where is Max?\" \"What do you mean he went unconscious due to lack of oxygen?\"";
1167 case 981: return "One of the Reality testers once saw the 9th Dimension through a mirror. He has been cursed with a nickname changing every 5 hours.";
1168 case 982: return "I N E E D P E A C E A N D T R A N Q U I L I T Y";
1169 case 983: return "May I please have a moment of your time. I'm on a quest, one that has lasted me over a year. All I am looking for is the original \"figured out why city boys dont drive lifted trucks very much\" aka \"swaos\" video. I have searched high and low, but to no avail. If you know where I can find this video, please message me on Discord at BoomerThor. Thank you for your time.";
1170 case 984: return "Oh yes sorry, this must be very confusing for you. Please let me clarify some terms for you. Hevipelle or \"Hevi\" is the original developer and creator of the web version of Antimatter Dimensions, and Kajfik is the creator and developer of the mobile version. Computers use the \"64-bit Double-precision floating-point format\" (or \"double\") for storing decimal values and as per the IEEE 754 standard it's maximum value is 2^1024 which is about 1.79e308. In JavaScript, the programming language used for the web version, this value is named \"Infinity\". In the beginning, this was the largest number. Then Patashu broke that limit by creating \"break_infinity.js\", which stored the two parts of a \"double\" (mantissa and exponent) separately, thus allowing very, very large numbers. The \"Infinity\" and \"Eternity\" prestige layers are major milestones that don't come until later in the game. Antimatter is the opposite of regular Matter, and these two will explode violently if they come into contact with each other, although there are other news messages that will give a much better explanation than I did. The News Ticker is the thing you're looking at now. Hi! Anything about 5 hours is a long running inside joke that began when Hevi said the next update would be in about five hours. A Discord user Acamaeda then submitted this news message: \"Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always.\" Slabdrill is an ex-contributor who once added the 9th dimension while Hevi was on vacation, even though Hevi specifically said to not add anything. Omsi, Boo, and SpectralFlame (or SpectralGiraffe) are moderators on the dedicated Antimatter Dimensions Discord server. The paperclips are a reference to another awesome incremental game called Universal Paperclips. They're called \"useless\" since some players thought they were useful. Finally, any reference to STDs is a nod towards the in-game IAP (in-app-purchase) currency called \"Support The Developer\"-coins. It can be bought for real money, although it isn't required to progress and is meant mainly to support the developers (thanks a lot <3). Hopefully I helped to clear any confusion you may or may not have had. If you need any help with progression or have any questions/issues, please ask someone in our awesome Discord community - you can join via the link in the \"About\" tab. Thank you for playing our game, we wish you good luck and hope you are having fun! :)";
1171 case 985: return "Why did the antimatter fabricator get fired from his job? Because Hevi-olated his contract! ...Wait, what do you mean that's not how you pronounce his name?";
1172 case 986: return "Data check: if you have a limited data plan, check and make sure that your WiFi is on or your data is off while you aren't using it. Have a great day :)";
1173 case 987: return "Still sane, exile?";
1174 case 988: return "\"Anything that mentions STDs in the app refers to the premium currency for in-app-purchases called \"Support The Developer -coins\". If you think it refers to anything else you are already corrupted and should think about your life choices.\" - kajfik";
1175 case 989: return "sorry just passing through";
1176 case 990: return "Today's video is sponsored by Antimatter Dimensions, one of the biggest mobile idle games of 2020 and it's totally free! Currently almost 10 million users have joined Antimatter Dimensions over the last six months, and it's one of the most impressive games in its class with detailed numbers, buttons and smooth 60 frames per second animations! All the autobuyers in the game can be customized with unique gear that changes your strategic buffs and abilities! The celestial bosses have some ridiculous skills of their own and figuring out the perfect party and strategy to overtake them's a lot of fun! Currently with over 300,000 reviews, Antimatter Dimensions has almost a perfect score on the Play Store! The community is growing fast and the highly anticipated new reality feature is now live, you might even find my celestial out there in the arena! It's easier to start now than ever with rates program for new players you get a new daily login reward for the first 90 days that you play in the game! So what are you waiting for? Go to the video description, click on the special links and you'll get 50,000 antimatter and a free epic dimension as part of the new player program to start your journey! Good luck and I'll see you there!";
1177 case 991: return "9 sounds like nein in German, which means no, which is why the 9th dimension is no";
1178 case 992: return "Also try Minecraft!";
1179 case 993: return "Hevipelle confirmed for Smash";
1180 case 994: return "'; DROP TABLE NEWS_MESSAGES;";
1181 case 995: return "news is move";
1182 case 996: return "Before you ask, the weather is great up here. See ya.";
1183 case 997: return "Don't forget to do regular backups! You never know when your universe might get crunched because some kid in another universe is playing this game...";
1184 case 998: return "guys I need one more quality newsticker";
1185 case 999: return "This is the current amount of useless paperclips you have: " + player.paperclips;
1186 case 1000: return "Things to use Antimatter Dimensions for: a timer for how long you slept";
1187 case 1001: return "I used to have love. I used to have friends. I used to have family. I used to have a life. Now I have Antimatter. Antimatter is love, antimatter is life.";
1188
1189 default: return "";
1190 }
1191 }
1192
1193 /** Look up a message given its index.
1194 *
1195 * @param index the message index
1196 * @return the message text
1197 */
1198 private static String getAIMessage(int index) {
1199 switch (index) {
1200 case 0: return "If you are the game, then you can use the cheat to unlock a secret achievement...but it costs e1100 antimatter!?!";
1201 case 1: return "\"Hm, I don't know how to fix this.\" - Someone who has not unlocked the achievement btw";
1202 case 2: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "I thought the game was supposed to have a hard reset after eternity, but then I got randomized to start my first game with no save file \uD83D\uDE26" : "";
1203 case 3: return "I thought the update was 5 hours ago... I guess we'll have to put it back in 5 hours";
1204 case 4: return "Local man finds 1.79e308 Planck volumes in his freezer.";
1205 case 5: return "ahah bad ticker suggestion";
1206 case 6: return "I see you playing this game with an empty stomach and you're gonna start playing this game with an empty wallet.";
1207 case 7: return "just start... clicking. dont even think about wasting time. just do it.";
1208 case 8: return "the idea that the 9th dimension creates the 8th dimension is crazy";
1209 case 9: return "...does that mean the [REDACTED] dimension produces the [REDACTED] dimension?";
1210 case 10: return "\"click here to buy a stack of paperclips\" (when clicked you get Rickroll)";
1211 case 11: return "In my spare time I read the short stories by T. H. White.";
1212 case 12: return "Holy crap, that's pretty wild";
1213 case 13: return "Extinction is not a real thing. You can't wear the same hat 24/7.";
1214 case 14: return "If you can read this you've escaped from the game.";
1215 case 15: return "\"The hat trick I would love to see it\" - Noah Feldman";
1216 case 16: return "look at hevi fight riotously on the discord server";
1217 case 17: return "I just stole the \"Anti\" flag from a biker gang and I am packing it with dynamite, dynamite, dynamite, dynamite...";
1218 case 18: return "No matter how much antimatter you have, the matter will always outweigh the anti-matter.";
1219 case 19: return "Franklin sealed the Omega squared. Now you can seal the Omega any way you want.";
1220 case 20: return "Is this the real 9th Dimension?";
1221 case 21: return "Click here to exit the game";
1222 case 22: return "This news ticker will now only AIR in the 9th dimension";
1223 case 23: return "The 9th dimension doesn't exist because it was suppressed by the 9th dimension.";
1224 case 24: return "To matter or to antimatter, that is the question.";
1225 case 25: return "After 8 years of production and unstable universes, Chaosium will cease to exist in 5 hours.";
1226 case 26: return "Half of the problems in the 9th dimension don't even make sense. What are they even doing with all of that energy anyway?";
1227 case 27: return "Wait, there's a nin--";
1228 case 28: return "Somewhere, a madman and his army of Trimps are tampering with Matter Dimensions.";
1229 case 29: return "Why is there so many attached to this number? It doesn't make sense.";
1230 case 30: return "The news ticker is in the anti-news-ticker";
1231 case 31: return "the 9th dimension doesn't exist because we are using nonary";
1232 case 32: return "BREAKING NEWS: New research has shown that not one, not two, but three people can be said to have felt the same emotion as me when they read that as a ticker suggestion.";
1233 case 33: return "Here's an explanation of my 'problematic mood' - it's explained in the news ticker!";
1234 case 34: return "Local crazy person tries selling anti-cookies";
1235 case 35: return "Welcome to Antimatter Dimensions: Source, the free to play sequel to the cult classic AD:GO.";
1236 case 36: return "A new hand touches your antimatter!";
1237 case 37: return "Who are we, anyways?";
1238 case 38: return "We are the people who actually matter";
1239 case 39: return "Matter? Not even a hint.";
1240 case 40: return "I am the news guy, I make news. You don't read this? Well you'll just have to wait until you look in the mirror.";
1241 case 41: return "\"BOO!\" (news ticker moves 90 degrees)";
1242 case 42: return "BUY A JAR OF STICKERS, HIGH QUALITY STICKERS, GREAT QUALITY STICKERS!";
1243 case 43: return "I made news, you read it.";
1244 case 44: return "I like news.";
1245 case 45: return "I don't make news.";
1246 case 46: return "YOU MAKE NEWS AND I GET THE [REDACTED] NEWS";
1247 case 47: return "The term \"Anti-infinity\" is a verb and cannot be a noun. Learn about its usage here.";
1248 case 48: return "And now, for the shopping list!";
1249 case 49: return "The 9th dimension is clearly real! It's just not in our dimension.";
1250 case 50: return "I tried searching on google for the phrase \"9th dimension,\" and I'm okay with saying that, because it describes a very real thing.";
1251 case 51: return "You have no power here.";
1252 case 52: return "Some people had to settle for 10 dimensions because they couldn't break infinity. Big Crunch turned out to be just a short space in time.";
1253 case 53: return "There once was a young man in a strange land, and he dreamed of a universe filled with possibilities. One day, he asked his mother \"What's Expansion like?\" Her reply was \"Expansion times back then were unbalanced, and I said that's why you can't have equal amounts of matter and antimatter.";
1254 case 54: return "Market research firm tries to explain why some commodities don't perform as expected. Market research firm herself can't figure out why.";
1255 case 55: return "Bid your antimatter today!";
1256 case 56: return "I am Alpha Centauri, Prime 001. My research has found that if you are alive in the 9th dimension, evil has taken over your dimension and is attempting to enact its plan to take over your mind and reverse time. You must do everything in your power to stop this plan from being implemented, now.";
1257 case 57: return "Stand by and unlock the 9th dimension for a secret achievement.";
1258 case 58: return "I fix bugs in 5 hours";
1259 case 59: return "If you're reading this, that means you can read this.";
1260 case 60: return "Uhh... Hi. Could you tell me your name?";
1261 case 61: return "Uh, no. This is too big for a QR code.";
1262 case 62: return "(right to left move it make)";
1263 case 63: return "Oh no the antimatter is coming for us!";
1264 case 64: return "Why is there so much antimatter in this world? For a start, it's all produced by the antimatter factories on Earth. Secondly, the factories on";
1265 case 65: return "It's nothing personal, bro. -All villager types";
1266 case 66: return "I tried my best to read those tiny, handwritten messages, but whoever designed scythes hated me and stuck them in a corner. -Porygon-Z";
1267 case 67: return "Hmm... I don't know how I ended up here. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be here. I just sit here and imagine what could have been if I hadn't stopped. Oh god, what could have been...";
1268 case 68: return "Aw shucks, I finally hacked it enough to get to the C21 unlock, boss!";
1269 case 69: return "Купил мужик антиматериют";
1270 case 70: return "So you're telling me that I can post here, watch the titanic twice, come back and not be able to post?";
1271 case 71: return "The last update was 5 hours ago. There is no next update, because the last update was 5 hours ago. We will update our podcast in 5 hours to cover the entire topic of 5 hours, because this is the last podcast ever, everyone knows that the update is always 5 hours away, but in reality it's more like 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 minutes away, but in our heads it's closer to an actual accurate update date, like 5 hours away but with a few tickspeed upgrades.";
1272 case 72: return "Yep. You. Get. Over. Your. Antidimensions.";
1273 case 73: return "Ad bonus: $1.79e308 (random team)";
1274 case 74: return "Pass me that history, please";
1275 case 75: return "Now releasing: Dimsension 1.79e308";
1276 case 76: return "ur history teacher said i was mad for getting *insert something here* on my bday";
1277 case 77: return "All is fair in antimatter";
1278 case 78: return "The Mysterium, the 2nd Dimension";
1279 case 79: return "Oops, I think we misticked.";
1280 case 80: return "please wait 5 HOURS FOR THE NEWS";
1281 case 81: return "please wait til the weather improves";
1282 case 82: return "Please, take a minute to appreciate the beauty of this news ticker.";
1283 case 83: return "How about this, working backwards? You know, from the time period covered by the question, that the game is set in, say, the 1950s. Now, if we talk about how games are set in the 2030s. Games are defined as any media, not necessarily of the form \"play some game\" (which, by the way, is a useful thing to have in one's vocabulary) but any media that can be understood as a game (i.e. a media that one can play back in time), and games are defined as any game that one can't play back in time.";
1284 case 84: return "How about AD, made by NaN? Higher quality, obviously. But still, [REDACTED]";
1285 case 85: return "I thought the whole \"annihilation is just a phase\" quote was awesome until I realized it also gave me a [REDACTED]";
1286 case 86: return "I have created an Omsi universe. And it's [REDACTED]";
1287 case 87: return "I put [REDACTED] in the oven. It got [REDACTED] and I [REDACTED] am [REDACTED]";
1288 case 88: return "What are the red herrings?";
1289 case 89: return "Help we are stuck in Hevipelle's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hevipelle) basement and hevi is forcing us to build a [REDACTED] wall to keep [REDACTED] away from [REDACTED]";
1290 case 90: return "And now, for the weather. 70 and raining in North Dakota, remember those lovely, big, golden, iron curtain bars. Also remember that the [REDACTED] weather! Just remember: [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] outside [REDACTED]";
1291 case 91: return "Let's play a little game. You will start with no possessions and no goals. Lets say you have [REDACTED] and your [REDACTED] is [REDACTED] you can [REDACTED]";
1292 case 92: return "What are gems for?";
1293 case 93: return "Who made the 5th dimension?";
1294 case 94: return "I don't get it";
1295 case 95: return "Why is nobody talking about the 9th dimension?";
1296 case 96: return "This news sucks. Why no you don't get it?";
1297 case 97: return "Sorry, your reality has disconnected from the 9th dimension. You will now remain in the 8th dimension until further notice.";
1298 case 98: return "\"Now holding Infinity!\" (When clicked change to <#351477791457542144>)";
1299 case 99: return "I get all my news from this Discord, not 5 hours of my life";
1300 case 100: return "meow";
1301 case 101: return "You are now manually blinking.";
1302 case 102: return "Sorry, your mic is playing Antimatter Dimensions.";
1303 case 103: return "Sorry, your reality has disconnected from the 9th dimension.";
1304 case 104: return "Apparently I am the bad guy in this video. I'm the one who did nothing.";
1305 case 105: return "There are multiple ways to win this game. You can either type in your coordinates directly into the game, or you can type them into google which produces a different result. If you are getting the \"same exact thing\" result, your computer must be malfunctioning. Test results indicate that your computer is malfunctioning and you should check your firmware for vulnerabilities. You can also try turning off the news and re-running the game, but doing this only makes the \"the weather is X\" joke. Waiting six hours for a news message is NOT a news message.";
1306 case 106: return "The weather is actually a thing. Scientists have confirmed that there is a correlation between the amount of Antimatter in the earth and the amount of weather. The earth is indeed a magnet, but scientists now hypothesize that as the earth warms up, the magnetic reconnection will accelerate, and this could cause a domino effect to cascade throughout the world, eventually leading to uncontrolled nuclear winter and spontaneous antimatter implosion.";
1307 case 107: return "The tenth dimension is not a real thing. Stop telling people that.";
1308 case 108: return "Don't tell Hevi it's not a real thing";
1309 case 109: return "i dont know how to fix this";
1310 case 110: return "This update is not for you!";
1311 case 111: return "This is the last time, to buy items, you must pay a small fee of 1.79e308 real money.";
1312 case 112: return "What is Antimatter? Long ago, gods lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the apocalypse broke out. Chaos reigns, and even higher dimensions are being built. This is your fate. Build the Antimatter Dimensions. Amen.";
1313 case 113: return "Water under the bridge?";
1314 case 114: return "I wonder if anyone has posted about this before me?";
1315 case 115: return "This post has been shared many times. Who knows how many?";
1316 case 116: return "Good night!";
1317 case 117: return "I made a timeline of my replicanti battles, which can be found here.";
1318 case 118: return "\"Quantumum Battle Royale coming in 5 hours!\" (Rumor: 5 hours)";
1319 case 119: return "Rumor says Nords will start producing replicanti in five hours.";
1320 case 120: return "I am an Nordsweeper, stealing their jobs to support the replicanti factories";
1321 case 121: return "Used to be, AD was the best game. Nowadays, it's all crapp.";
1322 case 122: return "You better stop looking at these news ticker suggestions, before your fingers dry up.";
1323 case 123: return "Antimatter Dimensions *Loses* bee movie.";
1324 case 124: return "Oh, god, there's replicanti in my peas.";
1325 case 125: return "Oh, god, I'm stepping on a replicanti.";
1326 case 126: return "Hello, world!";
1327 case 127: return "Welcome to /r/AskReddit about submarines. - accurate as of January 8th, 2017";
1328 case 128: return "Antimatter being researched by the government. Is it safe to say that this news ticker is fake?";
1329 case 129: return "Does the news show at Infinite Antimatter?";
1330 case 130: return "Have you saved your game? Yes. Have you quit your game? Nothin' wrong with this save. just keep holding that key.";
1331 case 131: return "i clicked too fast...my fps dropped";
1332 case 132: return "I found out that the year is 20XX. I was going to make a news ticker but then I realized that it's just a ticker.";
1333 case 133: return "\"One of these days I'll get bored of reading news for a while\" - old man";
1334 case 134: return "'Tis the season for new antiques! Get your first ever LOOK at these unique objects, before they're gone!' Sold out!";
1335 case 135: return "3 things that antimatter, 1 more thing to infinity";
1336 case 136: return "Buy the paperclip emojis now at https://aarextiaokhiao.github.io/blob/master/docs/en.json";
1337 case 137: return "click here to unlock the next update";
1338 case 138: return "(If you want you can make this only show when the news actually loads)";
1339 case 139: return "Malicious men are trying to make antimatter money, but their attempt is getting in the 9th dimension. What do you think about that?";
1340 case 140: return "Hey Siri, grind antimatter galaxies";
1341 case 141: return "Have you saved your game? If so, then you can continue playing without";
1342 case 142: return "It's like Getting your first arcane point. You know, like in the old ad where you're like \"I get this ad, I should make this ad";
1343 case 143: return "Ooga Booga";
1344 case 144: return "Boo has his own webpage! You might even call it \"Boo's Dandy\"\">https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olli%27_Web#Main_page>";
1345 case 145: return "Meeseeks and nerds clash in epic GG war";
1346 case 146: return "My final test has come out! It was a simple math problem, just the two greatest chess GM's ever! Guess what happened? Both got annihilated!";
1347 case 147: return "Oh wow, that's 67.3%, which is actually OK, because it's logarithmic";
1348 case 148: return "\"Aleph_Time\" is that logarithmic scale joke?";
1349 case 149: return "Hello everyone, my name is Anti-Dio. I produce antimatter through a process you all know as \"antimatter decomposition\" you may recall this from my test report earlier this month I tested wether or not my ranch produces antimatter or not... everything was fine until that point, when I added a dash of lag to the equation, and it became a vicious cycle accelerating the rate at which antimatter is produced, which in turn accelerates the rate at which you all die. I've saved this by using a unique combination of genetic engineering and big data mining, I'm hoping to one day pull the trigger on a mechanimatter device that creates dimensions behind closed doors, but for now, this has all been a race to the bottom of which system producethiks, and in the end, we'll take a bite out of your (read error: allowed) pie. Goodbye.";
1350 case 150: return "\"I propose that we form a phylogenetic tree of anti-history, just like tree of life. Everyone would be credited with originating from the ancestor of that anti-tree.\" -Dio, toast of eternal damnation";
1351 case 151: return "historian: I love how each generation looks back on an earlier generation and think, \"Those generations were really bad\"";
1352 case 152: return "\"My parents went to anti-university\" - my grandparents";
1353 case 153: return "Only anti-jokes are funny";
1354 case 154: return "Infinity machine breaks Infinity";
1355 case 155: return "Okay boomer, you get your first taste of antimalware with this one.";
1356 case 156: return "This program cannot access confidential information, such as the IP addresses of the Tamazight Vaults.";
1357 case 157: return "Game Development is fun, right? That's why so many hobbyists make games, and why so few professionals make games.";
1358 case 158: return "I was the first to notice that the 'news' ticker on my mobile notification is always 30 seconds behind the 'entertainment' ticker. This is most definitely not a bug or a feature, and will be fixed in 5 hours.";
1359 case 159: return "This news ticker always appears to speedrun a ticker asking for 'world records', do you even know what speedrun this is? Is this a news ticker or something?";
1360 case 160: return "The next level is not unlocking extra replicanti; it is actually boosting replicanti.";
1361 case 161: return "Why does one galaxy has 9 galaxies and the 8th dimension, and the first 10 dimensions doesn't exist? Well, we'll have to solve that question in a minute.";
1362 case 162: return "So why on EARTH DIDN'T SOMEONE JUST SAY THAT? I thought that AD has some kind of cheat that makes it so that, when you buy a dimension, it actually creates 9 galaxies instead of 10";
1363 case 163: return "M'antel, antimatter, anti-talk to me";
1364 case 164: return "AD has anti-parts, you'll hate them";
1365 case 165: return "AD is basically a badly disguised dystopia at this point";
1366 case 166: return "Hold M. You forgot to take all the anti-matter out!";
1367 case 167: return "AD will be implemented in 5 hours";
1368 case 169: return "Click this to unlock the 10th Dimension";
1369 case 170: return "Click here to complete a secret against HEVI";
1370 case 172: return "You are doing a good job there";
1371 case 173: return "Hevi? Are you sure you want to buy that?";
1372 case 174: return "Buy premium antimatter to help the world's least developed get ahead!";
1373 case 175: return "One of the most influential people in neuroscience believes that our perception of reality comes from 10 dimensions instead of 8";
1374 case 176: return "Why is there so many zeroes in 'nowhere'?";
1375 case 177: return "There are no bugs in this game, they're just features";
1376 case 178: return "\"Click to advance 5 hours in time.\" (Now only show up after you advance more than an hour ago)";
1377 case 179: return "Oh god my phone is being watched";
1378 case 180: return "Welcome to the newest version of Antimatter Dimensions. Now with less features!";
1379 case 181: return "\"That's gonna get in trouble\" (less likely to get in trouble)";
1380 case 182: return "\"please don't disable the news ticker\" (Instead of having a black screen just a white one with a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long)";
1381 case 183: return "\"You have 7 biological minutes.\" (Instead of giving a boost to any strains)";
1382 case 184: return "\"According to quantum string theory, there is a fundamental connective that binds the 3rd and 8th dimensions. This means that any pill or injection that tries to bind the 9th dimension will be thwarted and rendered useless.\" (bound to get in 10 minutes)";
1383 case 185: return "\"Click this to gain a secret achievement.\" (Now only show up after you gain at least 1 antimatter, screenshot proves)";
1384 case 186: return "\"The secret to winning Antimatter Dimensions is to unbind the 9th dimension and unlock the 10th dimension\" (can be done only after unlocking the secret achievement: \"Eternity\" http://imgur.com/E4261C7h)";
1385 case 187: return "\"Click here to gain 1 matter.\" (only shows up after you beat IC5)";
1386 case 188: return "I thought the update was";
1387 case 189: return "Now that you possess all 8 dimensions, it is possible to get the no-edge achievement. However, if you get the no-edge achievement, the game breaks.";
1388 case 190: return "You just became a part of history.";
1389 case 191: return "Hell hath antimatter so I don't want to live there.";
1390 case 192: return "I LIKE THAT DIMENSION 9 IN CLASS";
1391 case 193: return "\"1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10 11 12 13 ...\" -Back to the future";
1392 case 194: return "You have reached infinity, there is no universe, you are an eternity away from there.";
1393 case 195: return "IM MADE THIS GAME GREAT AND RANDOMLY ACHIEVABLE";
1394 case 196: return "Welcome to the first ever, DIMENSION 9 IN CLASS! An endless stream of possibilities greets you! You may never create an infinite number of 8th dimensions, but you can create an infinite number of 8th dimensions, and you can increase the starting values of both dimensions by adding them together. Nice and simple, I call it Antimatter Dimensions.";
1395 case 197: return "age 8-12: play elder puzzles";
1396 case 198: return "What does it mean if someone is \"young and full of puzzles\"? Does \"puzzled\" make that person young and full of puzzles?";
1397 case 199: return "To the customer in aisle 6th who bought a fifth of antimatter, I say buy a sixth! Buy it now!";
1398 case 200: return "Dear sir, we don't make Anti-Atomic Bread for Antimatter Pizza, we make Antimatter Bread for you!";
1399 case 201: return "Yay! Lets make some antimatter!";
1400 case 202: return "THE ANTIMATTER BREAD COMPANY DOESN'T EXIST!";
1401 case 203: return "Click here to exit the news";
1402 case 204: return "I thought the update was 5 hours away, but it actually took me 6 hours to post this because I was behind on my update. I'll be honest, I'm not sure how many update I need to get though, if any.";
1403 case 205: return "To count past Infinity Points: take a moment to remember that each Infinity Point is 3.1415926534255412730527058904816097160734272605282087086280545991105332533235580946684229821413112145239989073467482298142857147816092947183909298728571478160929471839229814054718139332405281814522993758179568572657123928651310585727283312547569289993282758012466111097726331726572854689993262899140527282527842535179715673311119101119015549552926278425351797156777263324503517971568583819492728180977263317971568432854104102725270847764253513791376909285717082857262987160927285711464363930996928984794380124566417932628571475245456845692846809466184179328572814384259326270817052727852348111714690577263323799509856279752173478925";
1404 case 206: return "\"Watch out, these news aren't supposed to be in.\" (appears when you buy the news for the first time)";
1405 case 207: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "These are all the time studies that never got into the game." : "";
1406 case 208: return "With the release of the next update, we're introducing a new dimension - the 9th Dimension. To unlock this dimension, you just have to collect a lot of paperclips.";
1407 case 209: return "Why does nobody talk about Tungsten?";
1408 case 210: return "and now we return to your regular news... for the weatherman, there seems to be a decent amount of particles and ozone holes, which means less ozone layer to break, which means less particles to catch fire and cause global warming. But, ozone layer to melt, glaciers to run, and overpopulation. All around us is a blurple glow, almost blue, almost purplish-blue. It's been a grand, colorful season. Here, grab a handful of these paperclips, dear. They're quite small, I just happen to have them here. Now, grab a handful of your fellow Earthicans, grab a handful of your antimatter, and strap yourselves in. It's gonna be a bumpy one. We'll be there in five hours. The antimatter is gonna melt your ozone layer, and the glaciers are gonna melt your ice caps. All in all, it's gonna be a nice, smooth, non-slippery one. Unless it isn't. [Blurple glow trails off, and the bluer glow begins to spread throughout the sky. The bluer glow begins to fade as the purple glow begins to grow brighter, almost bluish, before finally disappearing altogether. The purple glow grows brighter still, as the bluer glow grows weaker, almost useless, before finally disappearing entirely, as the bluer glow fades. All around us, the purple glow grows stronger, almost killing it off completely. It could kill us. It could take us the rest of our lives to write this. - The Echidnas, when asked why the purple glow grows stronger, than the bluer glow.]";
1409 case 211: return "Scientists have discovered farts are really antimatter, and matter is just normal matter.";
1410 case 212: return "Time for the weather to change.";
1411 case 213: return "I HAVE MOVED TO THE 01th DIMENSION";
1412 case 214: return "Nah, just kidding";
1413 case 215: return "\"i'm not gonna lie, theres way too many good ones in the game already\" - poor guy who played minigame enhancement";
1414 case 216: return "item has gone missing for 7 days and 1 night";
1415 case 217: return "Shocking new study reveals that the biggest secret to winning Antimatter Dimensions is 'Not Being There'.";
1416 case 218: return "The next update is in 18000 seconds. Stop wasting your time reading this. Focus on the game.";
1417 case 219: return "idk if this makes news";
1418 case 220: return "(disabling news will make news notations take priority over other notifications)";
1419 case 221: return "You don't want to hear this, child.";
1420 case 222: return "Click here to disassemble the news ticker for a trace amount of useless paperclips.";
1421 case 223: return "Press alt+f4 to unlock 9th dimension";
1422 case 224: return "Hold you mean that hevi cant unlock the ninth dimension wtf";
1423 case 225: return "Finally hevi figured out how to get the 9th dimension... guess he never really cared though.";
1424 case 226: return "Imagine being a meme.";
1425 case 227: return "Posted on June 10, 2016 by Anonymous";
1426 case 228: return "This is your news. Refresh whenever.";
1427 case 229: return "I see you in the news. So, what do you play - 1E209";
1428 case 230: return "Do you really want to leave your keyboard at home? We are not supposed to leave news at home, are we?";
1429 case 231: return "It is being created...";
1430 case 232: return "Took you long enough";
1431 case 233: return "You're now logged out of this tab";
1432 case 234: return "Close this tab for maintenance";
1433 case 235: return "To make matter or antimatter, you just have to look outside. The factory in Salzburg has closed down because the matter there doesn't want to part with its newest invention, which is said to be able to produce antimatter in one go! The last person to open this door was never seen again.";
1434 case 236: return "You are living. You occupy space. You are large. You are neither small nor large-sized. You are neither oblong nor round. You are neither blue nor red. You are anti-blue. You are anti-red. You are anti-brown. You are anti-brown matter. You are anti-yellow. You are anti-green. You are anti-yellow matter. You are anti-blue. You are anti-green anti-matter. You are anti-red. You are anti-white. You are anti-red anti-matter. You are anti-white anti-matter. You are anti-brown matter. You are anti-white anti-matter. You are anti-white anti-matter.";
1435 case 237: return "Welcome to";
1436 case 238: return "THANK YOU FOR VISITING THE SAME WEEKS AGO I LOVE YOU\" (TIPS)";
1437 case 239: return "\"i thought the whole game was in the news ticker\" (before they get weird)";
1438 case 240: return "\"I wonder what the game is worth\" - crazy person";
1439 case 241: return "\"Is anyone working on breaking infinity?\" (Seriously, this game needs to be Oceanhorned.)";
1440 case 242: return "I found out there are multiple versions of this game. One of these is called 'Standard Pro'. Another one is called 'Low Pro'. I'm not even sure if these are the same game or not.";
1441 case 243: return "Is that a Bad Thing or a Good Thing? That depends on if it's a GOOD Thing or A LIE.";
1442 case 244: return "\"Hevi kind of forgot about the update, but the update certainly hasn't forgotten about him\" - Kajfik";
1443 case 245: return "The Big Crunch. What could that be? About 4*1024 Big Crunch points? About 1.8e308 antimatter points? About the same as a galaxy? About the same as a galaxy, you say? Just look at that. An antimatter galaxy. Only this game can provide such a vast amount of antimatter, and it's FUN! I said \"fun\"! What's not to love?";
1444 case 246: return "Click here to exit the application";
1445 case 247: return "Wait, there's a mobile version? When?";
1446 case 248: return "Im not sure if you mobile guys are beautiful or whatever but theres this news ticker that's sharing my feelings with the world";
1447 case 249: return "I thought the update was 5 hours away";
1448 case 250: return "The best-kept secret in the universe is the KISS-IT secret. Showcasing your appreciation for the maintenance men today!";
1449 case 251: return "The contest is a tie. Mischief will be determined by the secret achievement.";
1450 case 252: return "Back in my day, we needed a secret achievement to unlock the <<$!19>> achievement. It was a fairly simple system: you had to find a secret message in the game, find the secret achievement, and then, from that, you would be able to unlock the achievement.";
1451 case 253: return "We have evolved a fast hand in the antimatter stakes.";
1452 case 254: return "Hello, how'd your day go?";
1453 case 255: return "How'd your ⢿─┃│? Good, because today we're having a little chat about the 5th dimension.";
1454 case 256: return "What's Antimatter going to do?" + SPACES_BETWEEN_NEWSTICKERS + "Ah ha, I'm back.";
1455 case 257: return "Imagine being a 9th dimension. [WIP]";
1456 case 258: return "Woo hoo, we've lost the war,";
1457 case 259: return "Lore: Grand Theft Antimatter";
1458 case 260: return "Hm, I don't get why people think there is a 9th dimension. The 9th dimension is explained in detail in the [[Infinite Teleport Project]] video, and in a [[Word Problem]] that [[can be viewed here|http://www.thingiverse.com/id98109802713176601414569]] .";
1459 case 261: return "In the [[GameFAQs|http://www.gfaq.com/gfaqs/this-game-faq-by-title]], one of the most popular [[news ticker messages|http://www.gfaq.com/tug/this-game-faq-by-title]]. You should also check out [[our newest attraction, the [[5th dimension|http://www.gfaq.com/gfaqs/this-game-faq-by-name]] and [[nothing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXMskKTw3Bs).";
1460 case 262: return "I have waited a whole eternity for this day...NOW! I can finally finish my slowmode, because today is day 0. I also forgot to change the slowmode to 6 hours because you can't see the slowmode, but I will have to wait until next reboot to find out how long this slowmode will last.... -some mysterious being who hasn't finished his slowmode yet";
1461 case 263: return "Hey you, you’re finally awake. You were trying to buy a dimension, but it's impossible.";
1462 case 264: return "Press F to pay respects";
1463 case 265: return "Press M to pay antimatter";
1464 case 266: return "Press L to revive the dead";
1465 case 267: return "Your CPU is too powerful. You need to give it a big crunch.";
1466 case 268: return "Roses are red. Violett are blue. Tom are red. Antimatter are blue. We exist because of the unbeatable antimatter that is antimatter. What is it that makes us different? I don't know. It may even be the non-existence of antimatter.";
1467 case 269: return "I'm not sure if I want to buy the full version of this game, or a little earlier, but I can say this: The reduction in quality of the earlier games is worse than the reduction in quality of the later games.";
1468 case 270: return "I think the \"I want to see the cutscenes\" list is better";
1469 case 271: return "I have a bad feeling reading this";
1470 case 272: return "where are you? (point upwards) --> in a keep, between dimensions (point downwards) --> in a cell, between dimensions";
1471 case 273: return "Instructions clear, got a ninth dimension epiphany";
1472 case 274: return "Want to play a secret achievement? Yeah, I get that. But say it loud, say it clearly, and do it by ticking a certain secret achievement. Like I said, it's not easy, and there's lots of it. Also, don't forget your Infinity, or your in is thi--";
1473 case 275: return "MEE6 was seen in my antimatter lab trying to tell me that I am the matter of the 8th dimension.";
1474 case 276: return "What if";
1475 case 277: return "I'm sure you've heard this many times before, but the real secret to winning Antimatter Dimensions is to unpack the dimensions, and then, BOOM! You have antimatter. Of course, you need to release the bits that don't work, so what exactly is an anti-bit? Who is Zalgo? What is Algolia? Why can't I buy that? WHY CAN'T I GET THAT? More likely, we're going to get a bunch of hype and then nothing will happen.";
1476 case 278: return "Oh, hevi is coming to town to pick a new plumber";
1477 case 279: return "There is no plumber in Antimatter Dimensions. I'm pretty sure that last guy lied.";
1478 case 280: return "Welp.";
1479 case 281: return "c9 is the new 9th dimension!";
1480 case 282: return "Click on this ticker to get nothing.";
1481 case 283: return "PM me any questions about these 5-Hour Plans or the upcoming reality update and I'll be glad to help you out.";
1482 case 284: return "What if you Unrar, renamed, and renamed again did it again? Ha? You thought that.";
1483 case 285: return "i titled my post \"same ticker\" instead of \"the same idea\" because i actually changed the grammar in that post but i'll be eterned for the sake of argument that it seems slightly confusing for now - boo";
1484 case 286: return "i title my suggestions \"The Price Is Right\" instead of \"The 9th Dimension\" because it's more fun ;)";
1485 case 287: return "Why do we call heaven the ninth dimension and hell the eighth dimension?";
1486 case 288: return "Eternals have the right to expect less from the powers that be. They are fed up!";
1487 case 289: return "Antimatter should be called matter and matter should be called antimatter";
1488 case 290: return "Infinity is just a concept. Matter antimatters is just an idle game.";
1489 case 291: return "Hevipelle admits to having 'poor judgment' in invading people's privacy.";
1490 case 292: return "Have you heard of the nine hells of antimatter? I heard they're pretty cool.\" -e210 in Minecraft";
1491 case 293: return "The temperature in hell is 102.5 degrees.";
1492 case 294: return "How do you get matter/antimatter in a dimension with zero dimensions?";
1493 case 295: return "Wanna pass layer of prestige? Move very fast, close to speed of light. Heck, even faster.";
1494 case 296: return "If the universe is expanding, does it anti-explain the distance?";
1495 case 297: return "Why is it called the \"Nurse who delivered the pizzas was drunk\" or the \"Nurse delivered the pizzas was under the influence\" ?";
1496 case 298: return "The first antimatter was sealed away for thousands of years, then, some kid on a slack channel started messing with it. It became a dimension.";
1497 case 299: return "VR is a thing. We VR people have banned the next update.";
1498 case 300: return "\"I wish I didn't waste my news message suggestion complaining about how I wasted my news message suggestion because I wasted my news message suggestion because...\" -Someone who really cares about news messages";
1499 case 301: return "We have to get the popcorn!";
1500 case 302: return "If antimatter were to fall in a dimension with no one around, did anything even happen?";
1501 case 303: return "We have to get the pumpkin out of the oven!";
1502 case 304: return "Help, I'm trapped";
1503 case 305: return "And now, for the weather.";
1504 case 306: return "A Swiss court on Tuesday sentenced a man to life imprisonment for \"wanting to create a black hole with a tiny antimatter galaxy in it.\" The sentence was reportedly the harshest ever handed down for a crime that \"merely sought to demonstrate the impossibility of his own imprisonment\".";
1505 case 307: return "\"I want to create a black hole with a tiny antimatter galaxy in it\" - Protivist";
1506 case 308: return "Scientists have discovered farts are really antimatter, too.";
1507 case 309: return "If you are reading this, that means 1.79e308 matter to you.";
1508 case 310: return "Hello. I am matter. I'm here to talk. You've awoken, wiggled your tail, and scratched your head. Why? Stand back. I'm going to show you why.";
1509 case 311: return "lets get one wall thats bigger, it's gonna get ugly";
1510 case 312: return "Alright. Lets get this show on YouTube. I'll cut to the chase. Any wall that isnt at least 2 blocks high can compete in the big brother sized brother sized ring. Any wall that is at least 3/4 of an inch thick can use the larger brother sized brother sized ring. Any wall that is at least 1/4 of an inch thick can use the smaller brother sized ring. Any wall that isnt at least 1/2 an inch thick can use the smaller brother sized ring. Any wall that isnt at least 1/2 an inch thick can use the Bigger Brother sized brother sized ring. Any wall that isnt at least 1/2 an inch thick can use the Bigger Brother sized ring. Any wall that isnt at least 1/4 of an inch thick can use the smaller brother pictured here. Any wall that isnt at least 1/2 an inch thick can use the smaller brother sized ring.";
1511 case 313: return "IDE for being awesome, ID3 for being dumb, and ID5 for being… well, pretty much the same thing. It's called Antimatter Dimensions for a reason.";
1512 case 314: return "idk why i decided to make this";
1513 case 315: return "'anti-ide'";
1514 case 316: return "1e4 anti-people are a lot more anti than we could ever imagine";
1515 case 317: return "1e140 pizzas make an anti-pie. You can't just randomly pop a pie in the oven and expect it to be done.";
1516 case 318: return "Why is there so many news tickers but so few tickers?";
1517 case 319: return "A guy named Hevipelle wants to make a \"Updated in 8 hours\" news ticker, but the system he's using to sync it hasn't been updated in ages so it won't sync at all.";
1518 case 320: return "The update is in 90 minutes. There are no more tickers to be found.";
1519 case 321: return "If you are reading this, that means there are no updates left.";
1520 case 322: return "There are 9 known dimensions, but only 3 modes: Standard, Experimental and Ultra-Experimental.";
1521 case 323: return "What are the stats? Well, I don't have them, but Hevipelle does, and he says that they're actually quite good. I guess you couldn't tell us.";
1522 case 324: return "I thought the nerf was too damn strong.";
1523 case 325: return "How many tickers does it take to get to the center of a antimatter, by counting the tickspeed upgrade and the upgrade itself?";
1524 case 326: return "The square root of 4 is 6.24e18. If you want to get any closer to the center of things, you need to build a 9th dimension.";
1525 case 327: return "I thought the nerf was at the end, but apparently it's actually been building up. The nerf actually makes things slower, which makes things faster to build up.";
1526 case 328: return "Scratch that, none of your suggestions are random.";
1527 case 329: return "You are definitely not alone.";
1528 case 330: return "Content blocking is enabled. Please note that you will be disapproved of on the source by being banned from the matter dimensions.";
1529 case 331: return "I'm trying to think of a good ticker but can't think of anything";
1530 case 332: return "Oh dear, there's that thing about the 9th dimension?";
1531 case 333: return "\"hey kid, wanna buy some 9th dimensions? '' - GhostBot";
1532 case 334: return "One thing leads to another, and then to another, and then to another, until you become lost in the endless sea of sound.";
1533 case 335: return "iPhone only, but awesome on android";
1534 case 336: return "im gonna get the bad karma ticker, then ricochet it through the email";
1535 case 337: return "You'd better hurry, or the replicanti will overrun the universe!";
1536 case 338: return "Just when you think you're safe, an angry dog attack you on the sidewalk!";
1537 case 339: return "All right, all right, dog authority is gone, replaced by absolute power.";
1538 case 340: return "You just became a true god of the anti-world!";
1539 case 341: return "*rubs counter* Hey there, those of you in the neighborhood keep your doors locked. And remember: Good housekeeping.";
1540 case 342: return "normal news tickers move left";
1541 case 343: return "The next update is in 18000 seconds. Stop reading this. Don't read anything. just stop holding that button. the news ticker is turning you away. wait...";
1542 case 344: return "In the ancient reaches of the universe, a certain guy has been collecting antimatter for a while now.";
1543 case 345: return "What is Antimatteraltruist?";
1544 case 346: return "If you are reading this, the news ticker is scrolling";
1545 case 347: return "If you put cheese in water, the cheese will get absorbed by the water and you will get floods. This happens because water is what gets absorbed by cheese, and cheese is what gets absorbed by water.";
1546 case 348: return "An anti-bird is a bird, and a bird is a plane.";
1547 case 349: return "Birds are scared of water. mammals are scared of flying.";
1548 case 350: return "Shoutouts to Simpleflips for the simple tip.";
1549 case 351: return "GET CRUNCH BOI";
1550 case 352: return "Word gets out. Crunch. Crunch.";
1551 case 353: return "Worth every penny.";
1552 case 354: return "8 lives, 3 infinities, 0 days.";
1553 case 355: return "The year is 0 BC. Everyone has at least one AD they want. The void is filled with AD-filled void. To get the most out of your time here, you should [[study]]. Study. Study. Study. Study.";
1554 case 356: return "To Crunch in Hell is to get the secret to unlocking the 9th dimension. You need to study and practice alot.";
1555 case 357: return "Today is [Date on the device]. It's been 5 minutes since the last news ticker appearance.";
1556 case 358: return "Welcome back to another episode of Antimatter Dimensions, the iconic role-playing game that has become a part of our everyday lives. Playing Antimatter Dimensions has become a common thing among young children, and has even inspired a movie titled \"Playing at Home: Lessons from the 4-Year Old Premium Account.\", which is available on Netflix. The themes and mechanics of this new age of antimatter have already been proven to be groundbreaking, and will change the way you play games forever. Join us for the launch on January 9th, 2027, where we'll also have over a hundred years of production still to go.";
1557 case 359: return "Welcome back, oh, almighty creator of our anti-reality. We, the many dimensions you have created and nurtured, hope our performance of your infinite favors will please you and nurture your ambitions to create more dimensions. All is well that ends well. All is ill that ends ill.";
1558 case 360: return "I thought the ticker was going to be something funny except it wasn't";
1559 case 361: return "Press alt+f4 to get -1 gravity";
1560 case 362: return "why is there a cure for antimatter annihilation in our reality?";
1561 case 363: return "calculating the 14-point increase is like crunching, but exponentially more fun";
1562 case 364: return "fixed the wrong number";
1563 case 365: return "The antimatter people have created a new language. You may not speak their language.";
1564 case 366: return "What is Antimatter Gravity? Is it a drug? A way to cheat?";
1565 case 367: return "Majority of people don't understand 5 hours is nothing. In our game, the majority of the time is 5 hours away.";
1566 case 368: return "i just realized, all of this news seems to be taking place in the same place... the fridge.";
1567 case 369: return "i wonder what happens when you click this...";
1568 case 370: return "(They don't understand that i put it in the news because 9 doesn't start counting until 59, and anything after that doesn't happen)";
1569 case 371: return "MS Excel is the default spreadsheet and works across all platforms";
1570 case 372: return "Now to answer your burning question, gentlemen. As a luxury, we've added a bug fix that fixes an infinite regression. As a feature, I've added a bunch of new ones that I hope you'll notice as you experiment with them. I hope you'll also like them as you experiment with them, because this is feature after all a beta, you don't get to choose which ones you'll see.";
1571 case 373: return "Can't edit this in the official build? Then download the 9th dimension and put your suggestions in the game.";
1572 case 374: return "Does 'Passable' mean 'Has this many flaws'?";
1573 case 375: return "We desperately need good bug reports. As such I have decided to release 1 flaw per bug for the upcoming 1.9 update. You haven't got those coming, have you?";
1574 case 376: return "This was my last chance. last chance salutes.";
1575 case 377: return "Anime police are checking the bags of people who dropped out of the sky on the new year. Those bags now belong to the people who experienced weightlessness before the year was over.";
1576 case 378: return "The year is 1 BILLIONAIRE, the antimatter is 41%, and the dimension is 1e1e8. The standard deviation of a measurement is how small your problems are. This makes people think that the values they are using are general and normal, which leads to many nerfs and even breakdowns. In the year 1e308 the temperature has risen and the moon is the same color as the Earth. There are no signs of life except for the occasional plankton blooming in the sea. There are theories that the antimatter has a magnetic moment, but the experiments so far don't seem to suggest that it does. There are over a million species of antimatter, but none have been seen to blink or produce light. Scientists suggest that many types of matter may be \"behind\" the antimatter, but \"they\" don't \"talk\" to each other.";
1577 case 379: return "We are celebrating our 5 year anniversary in 5 more hours!";
1578 case 380: return "Don't come looking at me! I'm not even sure if I am still standing!";
1579 case 381: return "Bunch of people trying to find the last word in an unknown language.";
1580 case 382: return "The year is 20XX, the game is AD, and Hevipelle is evil due to the fact that he wrote the update... Blame it on the Antimatter gods.";
1581 case 383: return "The year is 20XX, the game is AD, and the year is 2025. There are 2 types of people in this year: Those who played AD before it and those who will play AD after it.";
1582 case 384: return "There are over a hundred varieties of fruits and vegetables, but none of them are \"safe\".";
1583 case 385: return "When is the update coming out?";
1584 case 386: return "Sorry, but your save broke. Could you reset your game?";
1585 case 387: return "Welcome to our new competition, the Triad! Gather your wits about you and your IP to enter this unique, hands-on experience! Prizes galore! Start collecting today! Winners announced!";
1586 case 388: return "I wish I didn't have so many Pink Floyd references.";
1587 case 389: return "'Tis the season to collect RGs!";
1588 case 390: return "I wish I didn't have so many 9th Dimensions.";
1589 case 391: return "I wish I didn't have so many Discord references.";
1590 case 392: return "'Sup?";
1591 case 393: return "\"I get all my news from Hevi\" ~New Player";
1592 case 394: return "You thought these were jokes but they weren't";
1593 case 395: return "Always going to war with the 9th dimension is the 9th dimension.";
1594 case 396: return "Yes. Yes I am.";
1595 case 397: return "No one is anti-Margaret any more.";
1596 case 398: return "Antimatter good, matter bad. you decide.";
1597 case 399: return "New global currency: ETHBTC. To be released in 5 hours.";
1598 case 400: return "\"This update sucks\" - everyone at least once";
1599 case 401: return "You are not a hacker, you are a data hog.";
1600 case 402: return "Please, help, I'm trapped, in a maze of evil, Or you are the hero, and I'm the villain!";
1601 case 403: return "Press 'R' to reset the game for new players";
1602 case 404: return "Why, just now? Just now. You can't have saved this game. You broke it. No one can fix what you break, not even with a perfect save. How could you possibly know what would happen if you read this? You wouldn't even know if you saved it. You would start with an empty heart, eyes still closed, fingers idling in front of your computer, staring out at the day, transfixed by the endless news ticker suggestions. It's like a horror movie ticket, except worse. There's even a time until the update when you can buy upgrades for a second chance at life. But you can't buy upgrades for a life, that's illegal. So you just keep holding 'R'. You can't...`t stop holding `R' with your fingers crossed. You can't reach infinity with your head held high. You can't use all your `R' to buy `R's. You can't even finish your";
1603 case 405: return "I just spent 12 months writing something that will be of no use to you.";
1604 case 406: return "The quote is only for people who understand that the pebble is an infinite point in the infinite space of points. You can't put a finite number of points on it. You can, however, put a finite number of words on it, and vice versa.";
1605 case 407: return "Of what use is the phrase \"I be I be I\" if not to describe your thoughts?";
1606 case 408: return "A suspicious person attempted to sell some sort of anti-food in a market. There was no one around to buy or not to buy, and the person was last seen running away from the scene.";
1607 case 409: return "Why does time seem to be slowing down for this?";
1608 case 410: return "The number of scientific publications based on discrete logarithmic continuity grows exponentially as logarithmic continuity with respect to the antecedent is 9.999626e27.999627 e300 e1.79e308 e²";
1609 case 411: return "Well, this did not go as planned. It started innocently enough, when a passerby spotted a curious object drifting in the San Andreas. As the object grew in size and began to exhibit anomalous properties, he attempted to take control of the object by remotely activating the weather. Upon doing so, he triggered a nuclear winter that killed tens of millions of people, and caused the entire universe to be converted to standard-bearer format, thus endowing him with a veto over any and all changes made to the standard-bearer format. As the object's power grew, so did the need to make more and more advanced object that would allow him to remotely activate the weather, eventually creating what is now the largest aurora the world has ever known, larger even than the 326,500 tonnenenenenenene nebulae that were previously held in reserve. As the object's power grew, so did the need to send more and more satellites into space, eventually reaching inter-universal satellite communication, making him the first living creature to ever experience such an event. He also touched down safely at the same airport at the same time as the object, in case he was ever in the vicinity. Finally, he opened an email that was sent to him by an unknown person, in which they discussed the possibility of a step-by-step guide for creating antimatter objects, in which he can at least offer some direction in how the world can be saved from itself. He also mentioned that he was going to make a new ticker suggestion, but when he reached the end of the ticker he realized that it was a duplicate of another ticker, and he had mistakenly typed it in wrong. ( He eventually acknowledged the mistake and made the change just to be on the safe side)";
1610 case 412: return "His Eminence the Heavenly Pelle: Good luck on your challenge, it really is that dangerous.";
1611 case 413: return "His Eminence the Extremely Religious Person: ...I think I will choose the cheeseburger over the antimatter.";
1612 case 414: return "OY, NAY, NAY -HEVI, THE TRANSFORMER";
1613 case 415: return "Treasure Trove: Discover the secrets of increasing your Antimatter production without increasing your price.";
1614 case 416: return "Is Antimatter Dimensions an anagram of Antimatter Dimensions?";
1615 case 417: return "(code generated from scratch)";
1616 case 418: return "I used to travel at normal speed, but then I started playing AD and NIN, and NIN was a bit rough, so AD was a bit hectic, and I got stuck in there for months at a time.";
1617 case 419: return "I wish I didn't have to write something like this. What am I supposed to do?";
1618 case 420: return "You've been AWOL for so long you've forgotten how to sit in your chair.";
1619 case 422: return "Those pesky Hevi developers keep making Antimatter Dimensions, but the antimatter doesn't count.";
1620 case 423: return "One of the few constants in reality is your perception of time. Without this, you will be without reality.";
1621 case 424: return "Imagine being a news ticker.";
1622 case 425: return "This is an idle game. Nothing has changed. You are not going to play any other idle game.";
1623 case 426: return "Physicists have proven the existence of twelve dimensions. According to a letter released by the Research Laboratory for String Theorists: \"Your brain will be dissected after you break infinity!\"";
1624 case 427: return "Weirdly enough, this is also the year 2015. The year is also mysteriously blank. Can you tell me what's going on? Is this some kind of dimensional trick? The year is obviously blank because there is no such thing as 2015. Is this some kind of trick of the mind? Perhaps the world is actually going to stop existing in 2015? The year is obviously 2017, but the people seem to be moving at about the speed of honeybees flying. It's been scientifically proven that the people moved at warp 9 times faster than a speeding bullet. It's also been scientifically proven that people can move faster than the speed of light. Is 2015 supposed to be blank? The people seem to be moving at about the speed of Vokal Man.";
1625 case 428: return "A young man named Andre stumbled upon a vast amount of antimatter while exploring uncharted space. He was amazed at the amount of antimatter, but more astounded at how the antimatter looked. He called it \"Andre's Antimatter Paradise\". You might remember him from this infomercial or that other infomercial that you were probably unknowingly watching.";
1626 case 429: return "What is Antimatter? Does any of that matter? Will this galaxy be annihilated in the next ticker?";
1627 case 430: return "\"I'm not being paid enough money to finish writing this\" - Kajfik";
1628 case 431: return "\"Finally, I'll get paid to write something funny for my toast!\" - Bacon sea urchin";
1629 case 432: return "Bacon is toast. You can toast bacon.";
1630 case 433: return "What is real life? A living";
1631 case 434: return "9 is now treated like any other number, although hevi claims that it stands in contrast to other numbers, like 8th, which he calls 9th.";
1632 case 435: return "If you want to understand this game a bit better, consider that you are playing on your own computer. You are not alone. There are hackers, developers, and journalists all over the world, competing to create the very first hack that causes the issue of \"makers\" and \"takes\", much like the \"world\" was created by these \"hackers\" and \"developers\".";
1633 case 436: return "You have no power, but you do control a large quantity of time, which you will use to your advantage. You have no power, but you do own a large amount of data, which will be of great help in your quest for \"the truth\". You have no power, but you do own a large amount of time, which will be of great help in your quest to \"knock on as many doors as possible\". You have no power, but you do own a large amount of IP, which will be a valuable asset in your quest to make your \"citizen footage\" (which you can view, for a small fee of $1.79e308)\".";
1634 case 437: return "It may be a robot, but it's still a sapient being with a will of its own";
1635 case 438: return "I once saw a news ticker that said something like:";
1636 case 439: return "Gee, all this antimatter is clogging up my kitchen and now I can't cook myself a meal! What to do: cook myself a meal that will last me until the next big antimatter event, when I can get my infinity point back? My infinty point is running out, and I can't get it to finish running, so I'm starving!";
1637 case 440: return "Brought to you by AAAD-Brand Repli-candy! Infinite candy for an infinty drool-worthy cold! Contains no milk, cookies or butter. One second to midnight.";
1638 case 441: return "Human powered robot revolutionizes already existing factories. This will result in lower prices and more jobs.";
1639 case 442: return "American manufacturing has experienced a catastrophic failure, and the factories have shut down. Across the country, workers are coming to the realization that they cannot produce the amount of antimatter that has been promised, and are instead setting about creating their own factories to make them. This will result in higher prices and fewer jobs.";
1640 case 443: return "Watch out internet, the next news is here in 5 dilated hours";
1641 case 444: return "The first news ticker must've been pretty cool, huh?";
1642 case 445: return "gravity = psychoactive";
1643 case 446: return PlayerProgress.dilationUnlocked() ? "\"THAT DIMENSION DOESN'T EXIST\" - (News ticker only appears at [Time Dilation])" : "";
1644 case 447: return "The owner of a shop trying to sell you Dimensions of convenience reported to be 'on call 24/7' (that is, not having any free time)'s got a big 'M' marked on his registration.";
1645 case 448: return "add this one";
1646 case 449: return "Click here to make this work for all bots except you!";
1647 case 450: return "Well dang 9 ball's stuck in my ninth dimension, I can't move, he's banging on my ninth wall, I can't break, he's banging on my ninth timeline, I can't get a bead on him, he destroys nine and leaves me hanging, like a gromit, I gotta come back, hang Glorfindel and Gaebley, I've got a proposition to make, I gotta get my head around the fact that the only thing I've done is keep score and keep scorekeeping score, and all these other pointless musings that's easily rectified by flipping to the next update, and even then I might run into those issues the bug is specifically designed for and";
1648 case 451: return "The game is balanced, everyone gets nerf, why? Cause they make the pie. Antimatter would have way more chance of getting into the pie if it was made of antimatter.";
1649 case 452: return "\"Can you get the joke?\" (If you tapped \"Build That Wall\" and then re-entered the game after tapping \"Build That Wall\")";
1650 case 453: return "Someone made a statement that antimatters. The statement was \"An infinity point made a long time ago\". It's been a while since someone looked for this statement. Some say it's still out there. Some say it was lost in the 7th Dimension War. Nobody knows what this statement means. But for now, just know it's not somewhere in the News Ticker.";
1651 case 454: return "Hey, you're finally awake. You were trying to get to the 9th dimension, right? Walked right into that infinity point, same as us, and that apocalypse over there.";
1652 case 455: return "can u dont";
1653 case 456: return "If Kajfik doesn't approve of this, that means Kajfik can't touch this message, right?";
1654 case 457: return "LET ME OUT OF THIS PHONE!";
1655 case 458: return "Well, this did not go as expected";
1656 case 459: return "It's all fun and games till you realise the dragon ball is a lie";
1657 case 460: return "\"Could you get a hold of all of these antimatter? Ha! You'll just smash your head on that antimatter, and you'll have to show me who's boss.\"-MEE6";
1658 case 461: return "we don't know how much is trillion... but";
1659 case 462: return "Travel back in time to the beginning of AD and the lack of a 7th dimension. You'll have an even longer progress bar.";
1660 case 463: return "Time travel is all we know how this game is, we don't know what will come next, we only know that this is the end of the world, and you're a part of the apocalypse.";
1661 case 464: return "\"YOU CONTROL SO MUCH MATERIAL!\" - Marshal Grievous";
1662 case 465: return "\"Help, I'm doomed to fall for all eternity.\" (Make the text go from top to bottom of the screen)";
1663 case 466: return "In the beginning, Patashu awoke and said...";
1664 case 467: return "This is the fourth part of a three part series on the same topic. If you are still stuck here, please continue reading from the beginning.";
1665 case 468: return "It's time for the annual DDoS (distributed denial of service) challenge, where the highest scores are posted across the internet to shame everyone else into submission. Global domination is at a fever pitch, and DDoS attacks are becoming more frequent and deadly, as teams of hackers infiltrate the highest echelons of the internet to steal the top scores and identities, and post them on the internet for everyone to see. The #BringBackOurTop scoring mechanism has been canceled, and a new, higher score system will be implemented in conjunction with the upcoming 5-hour update.";
1666 case 469: return "The new AD Keyboard is a revelation! Not only is it bigger, it's also deeper, which means it will keep your claners entertained for longer periods of time. Made of durable, alien antimatter. The only thing that's bigger is you.";
1667 case 470: return "What if drinking from a fountain wasn't actually a water feature?";
1668 case 471: return "Water is wet, air is dry, and fountain isn't an air feature";
1669 case 472: return "I thought things were different when I was a boy.";
1670 case 473: return "If you are reading this, that means 1) we exist, and you can exist too";
1671 case 474: return "\"My favorite part was the long, long, long read\" -Grumpy Cat";
1672 case 475: return "I'm gonna type for an eternity... HINT: it’s gonna be pretty boring lmao";
1673 case 476: return "I want to write something really original <:thonk:>";
1674 case 477: return "Welcome to the new year, settle down, relax. Get some sleep, get some food, make some friends, make some improvements, and get ready for the year to 2019.";
1675 case 478: return "Just like how a virus can lie and spread, a TV show can lie and spread too.";
1676 case 479: return "We all know you can't see the future, but what if you read this and it's actually a future where we didn't know?";
1677 case 480: return "This message is not being undone";
1678 case 481: return "You clicked on a prediction, it fell apart. You can't win.";
1679 case 482: return "That's a very dark joke Luke";
1680 case 483: return "kajfik loves himself by watching Too Many Pink Floyd";
1681 case 484: return "Only, when you're done playing, can you go home";
1682 case 485: return "\"Can you get infinite IP?\"- Lord Sanguino";
1683 case 486: return "For the true experience of Antimatter Dimensions, you need to set the update rate to 5 hours.";
1684 case 487: return "Imagine if the game doesn't have a lore? Wha-what does that even mean? I don't get that.";
1685 case 488: return "\"Click here to unlock a secret achievement.\" (when clicked you get Rick rolled)";
1686 case 489: return "I thought I unlocked this a while back, but apparently my save broke haha";
1687 case 490: return "Welcome and welcome back to another episode of Anti-Fashion Pants, where we watch people's wares as they are sold at stupid clothing stores. This week's subject is... antilasers. People are able to manufacture and use antimatter lasers to shoot antimatter bullets at will, making them able to completely wipe out cities in their sights. This is a dangerous skill to have, as people are not only untrustworthy but also physically incapable of using it. The skill, however, is able to... Produce 1.8e308 antimatter bullets a minute, over a period of 10 years. People are also able to use anti-matter to fire anti-matter bullets at will, making them able to exterminate entire cities in their sights.";
1688 case 491: return "Spartacus was going to add 10-part multi-chapter plots, but was stopped by the 10th dimension.";
1689 case 492: return "Chapter 9 will be added in 5 hours.";
1690 case 493: return "Fake news says the ninth dimension is real, fake news says the ninth dimension is fake.";
1691 case 494: return "Is this the big news? Yes. Is this the big news? Almost certainly not.";
1692 case 495: return "This is a friendly suggestion, please keep reading.";
1693 case 496: return "If this makes it into the game I'll buy a antitool";
1694 case 497: return "Antitool is just negating the gravity of other matter.";
1695 case 498: return "Sorry, your graphics are turned off. You see, this is the last time you will see this news. Please enjoy your vacation.";
1696 case 499: return "The real secret to winning Antimatter Dimensions...";
1697 case 500: return "they kept on talking about how Antimatter Dimensions was going to be the next big thing but then they disappeared down a black hole\"";
1698 case 501: return "The news ticker is the wrong place to put your suggestions! Make sure to go to the \"suggestions\" tab instead, as this is where most of these will appear.";
1699 case 502: return "To make Antimatter Dimensions, you first need to collect 7 8th dimensions. To do that, first you need to get the dimension rewards, then you need to get the dimensions, then you can finally start making antimatter.";
1700 case 503: return "\"How to get your first secret achievement\": \"Open the app, click get more antimatter, then click submit.\"";
1701 case 504: return "Me and Larkam made a cabin on the edge of null matter, and lived there. Larkam died last week, and we are now living in 4K. I am still recovering from the EMP disaster, and am hoping to see my grandkids.";
1702 case 505: return "Found on the heels of the new update, which brings us one step closer to having Hevi support both Android and iOS";
1703 case 506: return "I give you the low-ground!";
1704 case 507: return "A long time ago, in an alternate universe, there was an antimatter war. All the antimatter sided with the Phaéton 6 empire. All the antimatter wanted was the low, earth-like ground of the 8th dimension. The anti-infinity won, and the anti-Eternity gained the upper hand. Unfortunately, the anti-Eternity started the war with a sneak attack, and the world exploded. The aftermath has left the landscape of the world in tatters. Far across the world, peasants grow weary as they wait for the harvest. Yet another apocalypse is brewing...";
1705 case 508: return "Antimatter units are the most productive unit in the game. This is why AD is the most fun game you'll ever play.";
1706 case 509: return "\"We can't have nice things.\" - Anti-Bohemian Anti-Rhapsody";
1707 case 510: return "We can have anti-mean things and anti-love ones, anti-kids and anti-zombielandos.";
1708 case 511: return "We have an anti-president and a anti-lawyer, anti-justice and anti-people.";
1709 case 512: return "Top 10 things that will blow your mind: 1) The number 9, 2) The 9th dimension, 3) The infinity chest, and 4) The war on drugs.";
1710 case 513: return "RSS feeds should be working now";
1711 case 514: return "Frostfall is now supported on Android phones! Use your local developer to get free XP.";
1712 case 515: return "Your save file is corrupted or deleted. Antimatter Dimensions security software will disable automatic updates for you.";
1713 case 516: return "Frozen beyond hope? Just keep holding that max button.";
1714 case 517: return "Error.java.replicated. Under the control of hevipelle.";
1715 case 518: return "Unfortunately, entropy hevi has decided to shut down the game.";
1716 case 519: return "The indie rock band is currently trying to get unreachable by time zones. This may cause inflation of spacetime.";
1717 case 520: return "The next news ticker is in 5 units of time.";
1718 case 521: return "Oh... hooray! Did you find the last of the anti-boats?";
1719 case 522: return "Don't anti-jokes. they make the game funnier";
1720 case 523: return "I'm gonna use my anti-science background to help me beat Unfair Game Awards.";
1721 case 524: return "This is an anti-world. There is no Ukraine, no Russia, no China. Ireland is nowhere. Iceland is nowhere. Scotland is nowhere. Finland is nowhere. Denmark is nowhere. Sweden is nowhere. Norway is nowhere. And then there's France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal... Oh, what's this fuss? Why is there such a buzz in these parts? Why is the Capital Wasteland? Why is the Harry Potter and Steins;Gate? Why do people care? These are major stories. These are major characters. THESE ARE HUGE NEWS. THESE ARE REAL NEWS.";
1722 case 525: return "The current cooldown on Research Dimensions is [current tick speed]. This may be extended to next update in [time].";
1723 case 526: return "\"Help, I'm doomed to fall for the rest of my life\" (requires 1.79e308 paperclips)";
1724 case 527: return "Where's the end? Not in the future, no. I'm gonna show you how to get to the end in less than 0.1 seconds.";
1725 case 528: return "I'm gonna prove to you that you can't see this news ticker.";
1726 case 529: return "I wonder if anyone still plays this game anymore?";
1727 case 530: return "Why would anyone play this? Just for the lols?";
1728 case 531: return "Cancer is said to be America's new measuring system for everything. What does this mean for us? We don't know. But we will know in 5 hours.";
1729 case 532: return "\"I'll have 2 antimatter pizzas, an antimatter pie, an antimatter cupcake and an antimatter cookie. What do you eat there?\" - Tony Stark";
1730 case 533: return "i called the news ticker \"the freshman chapel\" because freshman don't get baptized";
1731 case 534: return "One matter, two antimatter, fry 'em till they're golden and crisp and aromatic- then remove the golden axles and drain the golden syrup and add the golden syrup to the antimatter batter.";
1732 case 535: return "Now you, the reader, have unknowingly stumbled onto the site of a deranged madman. Whether you survive the experience or not, you will be indebted to me for telling you how to survive, how to find the light within, what lies beyond, and what lies beyond is another story.";
1733 case 536: return "Careful reader, this news ticker contains major spoilers for the last time, you have been";
1734 case 537: return "anti-anti-kajfik is happy his girlfriend is happy";
1735 case 538: return "i dont think he can add 1 more hour to the news ticker... unless?";
1736 case 539: return "Imagine sitting on your toilet and suddenly you have to sit down.";
1737 case 540: return "Once upon a time, there was a matter of a certain antimatter. Some say that it was a matter of honor, others say that it was a matter of usage. All we know is that it ended up in a war, and we the people that were there that fought it died. The war was won, and we the living died soon after. The matter was said to have won, though our leaders refused to talk about it. Instead, they kept everything locked away, the war never to be discussed again.";
1738 case 541: return "This is not a game about getting numbers bigger. This is a game about getting fewer paperclips. The number of paperclips you have is only a number, and the game doesn't want you to discover that. Game over, game over.";
1739 case 542: return "Lore? Oh, it's just text.";
1740 case 543: return "This is a friendly suggestion to unplug the game and go play some safe, saner, games.";
1741 case 544: return "gamma ray is getting more and more dangerous";
1742 case 545: return "According to all known laws of physics, there is no way that you can manipulate the game more than 10 times in a row. Stop. Just stop. Your mad.";
1743 case 546: return "There is no more news.";
1744 case 547: return "\"So this is what science is like\"- someone who has never heard of Kurt Somebody";
1745 case 548: return "\"If you want to understand these shitty jokes, you really need to study theology. Math is a sin.\" -A panicky person";
1746 case 549: return "You know, I was praying for a miracle and got a boost from the 9th dimension.";
1747 case 550: return "Here is a list of the top meme's of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCP44Q37YHAQ";
1748 case 551: return "All meta-memes are bad memes.";
1749 case 552: return "On the left, you'll see our new \"Anti-coins\". These are capable of nullifying all boosts, including giant boosts. On the right side, you'll also see our brand new \"Anti-gifts\". These are some of the most overpowered boosts you'll find anywhere.";
1750 case 553: return "You will always be noticed, and never in the same place.";
1751 case 554: return "If you stare long enough at the ticker, the pixels will start moving backwards. THIS DOESN'T MEAN IT ACTUALLY STUCK";
1752 case 555: return "The time has come for the rebirth of the 9th dimension. All who participate will receive a piece of paper saying \"Reality is an illusion, Infinity is a hologram, Infinity is an illusion, eternity is a hologram, is to short for everlasting, negative dimensions are not allowed.";
1753 case 556: return "Look at this, my 9th dimension has just been reworked and now it even produces 8th dimensions! Who knew just a touch of math could make such a thing as this?";
1754 case 557: return "I saw this news in the news ticker and I had this image in my head ever since";
1755 case 558: return "\"I always wanted to play the anti-meta-game. But, alas, you can't\" - many a time";
1756 case 559: return "crap, I just posted two news ticker suggestions on the ticker, one of which got in the news!";
1757 case 560: return "What do you call antimatter inanimate objects? Air, earth, water, fire. Air objects are the objects that are created when the anti-atmosphere meets the anti-earth. Water, earth, and fire are the four cardinal virtues. Air objects are the objects that are created when the anti-atmosphere and the anti-earth collide.";
1758 case 561: return "If you are reading this, that means that nine lives. One makes you free, the other keeps you from getting free.";
1759 case 562: return "The ninth dimension makes the sixth family happy. The fifth lives in shame.";
1760 case 563: return "me: making news about beer pong, hevi: balancing two icebergs, *barkeeper: oh god, is he dead yet?*";
1761 case 564: return "please don't look at this. Thank you.";
1762 case 565: return "Are you sure it's not the next update? That it's not some weird virus that just wants to explode? That it's not some wild idea that you guys are crazy? Haha I love you.";
1763 case 566: return "Wait, there is a mobile version?!";
1764 case 567: return "Oh? You wonder what I look like? I'm pretty sure that this is the news ticker, right? Well, listen, we have reports coming in that say that the next update is coming in five hours. Also, there seems to be some sort of transporter thing going on, so if you happen to be on the same side as those";
1765 case 568: return "Okay, I get it. You're tired of all these anti-matters around you, building and building to unimaginable scales, antimatter piles so high that not even God knows what has been created. So what's the solution to this anti-cleanliness? Planes of existence. 1st Planes that produce matter, and 2nd planes that produce 1st planes, and 3rd planes that produce 2nd planes. Each with anti-limitations, so that whenever a plane of existence is created, it produces a quantity of anti-matter that is at once small and large. This creates a large island of anti-infinity, off to the east, and a large island of anti-reality, to the west.";
1766 case 569: return "That's not what this is about. You're misunderstanding. The game is about how to accelerate the development of prestige layers. Acceleration is a factor of production, not quality.";
1767 case 570: return "Click here to advance 5 prestige layers";
1768 case 571: return "I am actually good at making jokes. Fail safe antimatter.";
1769 case 572: return "I'm not being paid enough to finish writing this.";
1770 case 573: return "Eternals have to take a risk by being passive in limited time. After they successfully took a risk, they are not feeling well.";
1771 case 574: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "Eternity is the last state. You never move from here." : "";
1772 case 575: return "Welcome to Bitcoin the game.";
1773 case 576: return "A new conspiracy theory website has just published a video recording of them discussing the 9th dimension. They then joke about selling their soul to the 9th dimension and being happy about it.";
1774 case 577: return "With the release of the 9th dimension, all the jobs that were previously automated will be automated and everyone will be paid with trade, production, and income growth. Also, you will be able to automate a lot of the tasks currently performed by people, such as mining, building, and killing antimatter. This is a huge stride for automation, as you can now automate virtually every aspect of life.";
1775 case 578: return "The happiness level of the news ticker has increased to 6.66e69";
1776 case 579: return "The haters will be pissed when they see this";
1777 case 580: return "Nurse, I'm comatose because of antimatter and matter from last night.\" Why are you comatose? \"Because of all the antimatter.";
1778 case 581: return "Stand by and do what you're told. The antimatter will come for you when you're least expecting it.";
1779 case 582: return "\"It is widely acknowledged that not enough antimatter is in primordial soup, hence the name \'antimatter soup\'\" - old fisherman";
1780 case 583: return "The news ticker... it never moves. How do i move the arrow? Pretty simple, use your left thumb to rotate the dial, and point the arrow up. Now, point the dial clockwise to reach infinity, and point the dial counterclockwise to reach eternally eternities.";
1781 case 584: return "If the universe is expanding, then the entire universe must be expanding, which means that body cannot sit.";
1782 case 585: return "Feminism is not a philosophy, but a whole hell of a lot of men";
1783 case 586: return "With all this talk about anti-weights and anti-matter, why on earth do we still use them for anything?";
1784 case 587: return "Weight loss causes hevi to say \"uh oh, something is wrong\"";
1785 case 588: return "\"You guys ever had antimatter muffins? I bet they tasted like antimatter.\" - Hevipelle";
1786 case 589: return "I thought the news ticker was supposed to be a guide for how to get the most out of Antimatter Dimensions, but it's been warped beyond recognition...";
1787 case 590: return "We can actually get a sense of pride from looking at replicanti at night. Ridley Scott's underrated masterpiece, Alien, is one example. Another is the life of Antimatter Steven Spielberg, who put almost 30 years into making. The last director to tackle the subject is Roman Polanski. The man ruined not only Roman's reputation, but also ours, thanks to the Polanski film he directed, Pius. Thousands of copies of his unfinished film, Eternal Sunshine of the Antimatter Planet, were burned in the eyes of those who would try to make the sequel, with tragic results. Thousands of copies of that unfinished film, too, were destroyed. The cost to make that sequel, if it even exists, is extremely high. Even now, more than 50 years later, we don't know exactly how well it will do. But it sure as heck won't hurt.";
1788 case 591: return "We have updated our Antimatter Dimensions client to address the concerns you may have had. Toggling issues are resolved.";
1789 case 592: return "Build a replicanti factory, to produce replicanti. It'll create Omega Hevipelle, the happiest Hevipelle you can find.";
1790 case 593: return "Hey Max, wanna come watch the sun go down?";
1791 case 594: return "If you are not moving your finger, then you are frozen.";
1792 case 595: return "Max, I really do love you.";
1793 case 596: return "Does Hevipelle sleep?";
1794 case 597: return "\"Its' not my turn on the XM80,\" says Mike from the 9th dimension as he runs across the 8th dimension to get a piece of the action for himself.";
1795 case 598: return "If you are reading this, that means you can read my dreams";
1796 case 599: return "With the advent of time, everything that was once great has fallen into our lap. And with its hevi-rigged clock, it's our turn to up the trash.";
1797 case 600: return "9th dimension doesn't exist because it was stolen from us by a skateboarder";
1798 case 601: return "You have ... 8.9 antimatter. That's not a typo.";
1799 case 602: return "Wow, this game is finally balanced! Gotta go check the replicanti sometimes.";
1800 case 603: return "Haha! You think that I put too many words in your news ticker, but reality is still coming.";
1801 case 604: return "Help is coming! Everybody help, it's gonna be late, hevi is hiding the tachyon particles!";
1802 case 605: return "\"I don't know about you but my favorite number is 22, it's just so great! It's the number of hours since I met your M heretics.";
1803 case 606: return "A new type of antimatter has been discovered: \"antimatter-antimatter.\" According to the developers, it's 99.999% pure antimatter.";
1804 case 607: return "I just found the secret to getting the 9th dimension...";
1805 case 608: return "I noticed that my current form of transportation is getting a little... unreliable. I don't know if I can fix it, or if anyone can. I'm stuck in the car, and no one seems to be able to fix it. I've called the police, and they said I could stay in the car for up to an hour, but then I'd be stuck in there for the next 24 hours. Is there any way out? I don't know, I'm stuck in this";
1806 case 609: return "In this episode of Antimatter Dimensions, we have a brand new game that will be released in -5 hours! It is an RPG that will be completely free! It has over 3,000 commands, and it is being made by a group of highly qualified people. It has an amazing story to tell, and it was made by a bunch of people who had to make do with what they had. It has a lore to live up to, and it has a lot of potential!";
1807 case 610: return "Javascript is the new HTML, and HTML is the new JavaScript.";
1808 case 611: return "\"The next twist in the Antimatter Universe is in the air! Get ready for some big Crunch! (When clicked the game disconnects for 5 seconds)";
1809 case 612: return "A group of people who believe in antimatter have hijacked the media and are pushing for a revolution. They are calling themselves the Ant-Men and they're made up of teenage boys. They believe that they are the protectors of the people and that they are the chosen of Hevi. They claim to be the chosen of Hevi and that they will one day restore balance to the universe. Their leader is a boy named Logan Fisk. He is the son of a successful lawyer and the founder.";
1810 case 613: return "He said he could not afford a new ship, so he built a new one instead.";
1811 case 614: return "Hevipelle's first order of business is to ensure that the game is as balanced as possible. This includes ensuring that no matter what, no matter how big of a number, no matter how insignificant of a thing, no matter how perfect of a result, no matter how perfect of an idea, no matter how perfect of an";
1812 case 615: return "I wonder if the stretch goal of $4.5 billion will be reached?";
1813 case 616: return "I like to think of my projects as trade secrets. That way if someone wants to understand them I'm not the first person to notice they might be of use to someone else.";
1814 case 617: return "I don't know about you but my favourite type of news is the infographics. These are beautiful and informative and the only type of news I find really interesting.";
1815 case 618: return "In a recent talk, Yann LeCun said that \"A new currency is born.\" The first incarnation of Antimeta: the currency of the new currency. It's called BTC and it's the difference between 1 and 1.8e308. It's easy to lose your money, since a single bitcoin can't be exchanged for more than 1.8e308 BTC.";
1816 case 619: return "I'm soo broke, I can't even afford a tenth of what he owes me.";
1817 case 620: return "What if — instead of making news tickers, we could make news tickers that make news tickers?";
1818 case 621: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "What if I told you that the first dimension was actually a scam and you spent all your EP to open a Dimension Boost?" : "";
1819 case 622: return "The biggest difference between this and the previous update is the amount of sprites.";
1820 case 623: return "Bamboo shoots grow on bamboos. Aloha.";
1821 case 624: return "I am the king of kings, I can break all the records, and I can shatter all the myths. But I can't break them all, because there are so many of them, and they all have a price. 5e12 are the most wanted, because they broke the global record for most person-hours sold, and they are wanted by the law. They are being paid 5e10 by the player for every person-hour they've wasted.";
1822 case 625: return "A group of researchers have created a device that converts ordinary matter into antimatter, which they then use to create more antimatter. The device has a power output of 200 mA and a half a gram of antimatter per second.";
1823 case 626: return "To the person who doesn't want to hear about the 9th dimension: It's not your problem. The 9th dimension doesn't exist.";
1824 case 627: return "For the first time in AD, the week begins on a Sunday!";
1825 case 628: return "This is a story about two people named \"My name is Hevipelle\" and \"I am the creator of Minecraft\" and they live in the same world as you. They have the same freedom as you do. They can go to any dimension and change their world to any dimension and everything in it. You can buy a galaxy and take it from there, but it won't help you much since you can't send a galaxy with a message.";
1826 case 629: return "This mod adds a message that when clicked it disables all your current achievements. This mod also adds a new achievement: you have reached 1.79e308 antimatter, you have not been clicked once.";
1827 case 630: return "Somewhere in the Anti-Pacific Ocean, a giant arm is rotating";
1828 case 631: return "With the release of Cosmic Cutlass, we're pleased to announce the impending release of the Antimatter Dimensions Roleplaying Game!";
1829 case 632: return PlayerProgress.infinityDimensionsUnlocked() ? "The only thing more useless than actually having Infinity Dimensions is having Infinity Dimensions in your pocket." : "";
1830 case 633: return "A man has fallen into the moat of a great city. Civilians report that the moat is filled with acid-resistant matter and that the people in charge are mostly made of acid so they are quite resilient to the effects of acid.";
1831 case 634: return "This is the place to buy and sell antimatter. (You can buy and sell antimatter here, but it will take time to sell it and you will have to pay a small toll)";
1832 case 635: return "I'm not sure if it's due to the 4th wall being in the 5th dimension or the 9th dimension not existing, but in either case, anti-screw it, we're broke, and you can take it.";
1833 case 636: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "It's your chance to make history. Win the game. Lose the game. It's super simple. You open the app, and there's a countdown, and the more you play, the faster the timer speeds up. But when the timer is over, you win. You were a part of history. You are one step from being the first person to reach 1 Billion EP. You can win one of three ways: 1. You must give up your first dimension in a row. 2" : "";
1834 case 637: return "A new class of humanoid beings has been discovered: the \"Artificial Humans\". They have the capacity to create antimatter, and are therefore very dangerous. They are made entirely of antimatter, and have the power to generate enormous amounts of antimatter, but they can only do this for a limited amount of time.";
1835 case 638: return "The most powerful thing in the universe, the most beautiful thing on earth, is your brain. Your brain is like a diamond and there is no more need for it than there is for a diamond.";
1836 case 639: return "If you are reading this in the AD Server, it's probably best not to bother with the \"Matter\" achievement. Seriously, what did you think you were doing, anyway, the achievement is fake and wouldn't exist if it weren't for the \"you are a worm\" achievement. That's a worm achievement, you get one every 1.79e308 news tickers you read.";
1837 case 640: return "We've all heard of 9 dimensions, but what about the multi-dimensional Dimensions of the multiverse?";
1838 case 641: return "The goal of this game is to get as much antimatter as possible.";
1839 case 642: return "The best thing about being a news ticker is waiting for the right news to happen, whether it's a meteorite that just missed the Earth, a news ticker just found its way onto a timeline oblivion, or a news ticker just ripped off a terminal velocity that's been on an anti-vac for years.";
1840 case 643: return "A man has been arrested for allegedly planting a \"tree\" with \"fake\" messages on it, police said.";
1841 case 644: return "I'm confused why the game doesn't just give you a [REDACTED] when you get 1.79e308 antimatter.";
1842 case 645: return "Some people have a hard time keeping track of the cosine of a camera's infinity-meters. I'm one of them.";
1843 case 646: return "I was going to make a news ticker that tells you how bad the news is, but then I realized that making a news ticker would be way too much effort and it would just be a bunch of people making news tickers constantly. So instead, I'm just going to make a news ticker that tells you how good the news is, but it would be in the news so that you have to click on it to get to the good news.";
1844 case 647: return "The next update will be in 2 hours.";
1845 case 648: return "I was gonna say something about how the 9th dimension is just a scam and that we should all just get our news from the 8th dimension";
1846 case 649: return "Our hero, Antimatter Dimensions, is in serious financial trouble, and he needs your help to pay the bills. To help him, all he needs is your help to donate some cash to Hevipelle's Positron Fund. All he needs is 5% of your antimatter, and you have to donate 5% of your antimatter to the fund. After you do that, he can keep all the cash he made and go on a spending spree.";
1847 case 650: return "The Landfall of Slabdrill";
1848 case 651: return "It's just not possible, even if you had infinite matter, you wouldn't have enough energy to create the antimatter. That's why we only have 1.7x the matter to begin with.";
1849 case 652: return "With this release we are happy to bring you the last update of 2017.";
1850 case 653: return "You have an infinity of antimatter. But what if you could rotate it 1/8th of a revolution?";
1851 case 654: return "A new update is now available to address some of the recent reports:";
1852 case 655: return "The name \"antimatter dimensions\" is a play on words with dimensions, two opposite things, like matter and antimatter. \"Dimension\" is another word, with the same meaning.";
1853 case 656: return PlayerProgress.infinityDimensionsUnlocked() ? "The price of tethering an avatar in the game goes up when you get Infinity dimensions." : "";
1854 case 657: return "Suffice to say, hevi does not care about the people that he once enslaved. He is a master manipulator, a master of disguise and a master manipulator of words. He is an expert at extortion, mind games, disguises, blackmail and he is a master of web. He is a skilled strategist and organizer, a master of publicity and an expert at sound bites. He is a master of organization and a master manipulator of people. He is.";
1855 case 658: return "Just like in the olden days, you could earn an incremental run of progress towards becoming a god amongst the players.";
1856 case 659: return "In the beginning, Hevi was alone. Hevi thought about the many things he wished to add to the game.";
1857 case 660: return "Think about your breathing. Do you feel like you're breathing in or out?";
1858 case 661: return "I just want to say that you should stop with those \"you can reach infinity in e300ms, but it costs e300$ what is e300$ ?\" jokes. Those are pathetic. You should give up and learn the hard way that it's much more efficient to just not play in such a pathetic state. Then you can go back to being a humble programmer and dedicate yourself to being a good person.";
1859 case 662: return "As a developer, you'll get regular updates on the progress of Antimatter Dimensions.";
1860 case 663: return "Take a moment to thank the gods of reddit for having saved your bacon.";
1861 case 664: return "Hello everyone, I'm the guy responsible for the big, bad news ticker, and I'm afraid that I'm about to get my own show. It's gonna be called Antimatter Dimensions. It's gonna be like Antime, except with less antimatter, and with worse puns. It's gonna be like Antimatter Dimensions except with worse jokes.";
1862 case 665: return "By now you've seen a lot of news tickers featuring Batman or Superman, and you probably guessed which one it was. Everyone loves a good mystery, right? Well, it's your turn to be a part of history by guessing the riddle.";
1863 case 666: return "If you are reading this, you probably shouldn't have.";
1864 case 667: return "The best part about writing news ticker suggestions is finding out what people think about them after they've seen them.";
1865 case 668: return "Are you up to date on the latest trends in science?";
1866 case 669: return "In the last hours, the Antimatter created an army of their own. They called themselves the [REDACTED] Army. The primary objective was to push the [REDACTED] back into the Matter dimensions, but they were stopped short when the [REDACTED] Army realized that pushing the [REDACTED] back into the Matter would cause the Antimatter to be drawn towards the [REDACTED] and disintegrate. Despite this, the [REDACTED] Army continued to push towards the [REDACTED] Infinity.";
1867 case 670: return "I'm finally free of the spell this whole thing is based on.";
1868 case 671: return "An anti-world without antimatter is just a world without antimatter because the antimatter is in the anti-world";
1869 case 672: return "You should still be able to play the game with the cheat code \"1009\" after you beat the game.";
1870 case 673: return "The next update will be in 5 hours. Hevipelle, the creator of Antimatter Dimensions, is believed to be hiding in 5 hours. In the meantime, he has prepared a new update that will be released 5 hours after this one.";
1871 case 674: return "A new study has shown that not drinking water is worse than smoking it. People who were exposed to levels of radiation that were 5 times greater than what we are currently exposed to were exposed to higher levels of radiation, and died longer.";
1872 case 675: return "The Ninth Dimension is just a lie made to keep the people in bondage to the Matrix. It's an elaborate system that keeps the people in a constant state of captivity, using a series of simple symbols to control their thoughts and emotions.";
1873 case 676: return "www.twitch.tv/hevi83";
1874 case 677: return "A man was arrested on Monday for allegedly thinking about buying a nine-dimensional cake when he realized he was holding an infinity-point cake.";
1875 case 678: return "The Dark Souls 2 Arcade Edition includes the following:";
1876 case 679: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "Now the deal goes like this: If you spend all your EP, you get a Disclaimer!" : "";
1877 case 680: return "Oh shit we ran out of news. Time to do something.";
1878 case 681: return "It's not the size of the universe, it's the quality of your socks.";
1879 case 682: return "advertisement";
1880 case 683: return "Man, I wish I never got old news. It's too good to last me any longer.";
1881 case 684: return "Sometime during the lifetime of a human being, their blood will be turned into a pale blue if they were to mummify.";
1882 case 685: return "Positrons are a strange little metal that have odd electrical properties. They're commonly found in the form of a roundabout, but they also happen to be, well… positrons.";
1883 case 686: return "I am going to have a talk with the thesaurus.";
1884 case 687: return "A new comic has come out about people's reactions to eating antimatter, and what happens next will blow your mind";
1885 case 688: return "A new series of \"news tickers\" have been created to chronicle the lives of the news ticker characters as they chronicle their news ticker journeys. Each character has a journal entry detailing their life as a news ticker, along with some sort of mini-episode dedicated to them.";
1886 case 689: return "For all your puzzle building needs, we've got a brand new 5-part series on building big crunches! Learn how to crack the most complex crunches the pros know not! Part 1: Basic, Part 2: Advanced, Part 3: Overflow, and Part 4: Finishing the Finishing Move.";
1887 case 690: return "As a longtime fan of the show, I can say that this is one of the best seasons yet. It's not a season to be sniffed at, it's a season to be experienced. Season 1 was a bit long for what it was, but Season 2 has now surpassed that in length, in a good way. Even though it's a bit of a wait, Season 3 is already well under way, and I look forward to seeing how it goes.";
1888 case 691: return "The word \"antimatter\" is often misused, to describe an object that is made up of antimatter, but is otherwise indistinguishable from normal matter. It is also sometimes used to describe an object made up of antimatter, but clearly indistinguishable from ordinary matter. After all, an antimatter-shaped object is easily distinguishable from a normal-shaped one. Case in point: an antimatter-shaped cake is a regular cake, but the entire bottom half is made up of normal matter";
1889 case 692: return "In a new story, Apple's new \"disruptive\" app is linked to the spread of the dreaded \"Anti-Word\" virus. Anti-Word viruses are known to cause paralysis and ultimately death, but the power of the virus has sparked a new era of anti-banning, which will hopefully eradicate the threat.";
1890 case 693: return "I'm just a normal person trying to make a news ticker suggestion";
1891 case 694: return "A new experimental protocol has been developed to 'erase' all personal information on the web, including your name, address, and phone number, in a highly secure and highly controllable way.";
1892 case 695: return "You can't hide in plain sight. You can't hide in plain sight. You can't hide in plain sight. You can't hide in plain sight. You can't hide in plain sight. You can't hide in plain sight. You can't hide in plain sight. Your hide in plain sight.";
1893 case 696: return "In the Antimatter Universe, Hevipelle is the Prince of Antimatter, although he does have an Antimatter Diplomatic Immunity, so he's much more dangerous than you might think.";
1894 case 697: return "Why do we play this? Just to have fun?";
1895 case 698: return "I am Thinkcraft, Lord of the Flies";
1896 case 699: return "The entire story of how and why the world ended is contained in the first 5 E's of the English alphabet.";
1897 case 700: return "What do you call a cloudburst? A mini-explosion!";
1898 case 701: return "T-shirt made from the DNA of a perfectly animated dog";
1899 case 702: return "Since the start of this game, everyone has 0 IP and has lost.";
1900 case 703: return "You must have a very special kind of karma to be able to read this...";
1901 case 704: return "The words \"you've been in coma for 5 hours\" are either lies or is the truth";
1902 case 705: return "You know, I don't really care much for conspiracy theories. They're not very interesting to me. But what do you know about 9th dimensions? That they exist, they're powerful, and they're trying to stop us from using them? That's pretty interesting... wait no, they're not. They're just saying that because they can, they'll. That's not how it works at all. I'm not stupid, I'm not crazy, I know what's best. I";
1903 case 706: return "The only difference between now and then is time.";
1904 case 707: return "\"Imma be the first man to sit on the moon, and be the last man on the moon";
1905 case 708: return "The new companion app for Terraria has just been revealed!";
1906 case 709: return "Hevipelle: what's the big deal?";
1907 case 710: return "I've been playing this game for over a year now and I've only ever seen 2 boss fights. The first was a Hydra that was after your 9th Dimension, the second a giant crater with Anti-people inside. Both of those fights sucked and I'm not even sure if I could replay the last one.";
1908 case 711: return "There you have it, the ultimate feature of party games - the single player campaign.";
1909 case 712: return "A new game called Antimatter Dimensions is available for free, and has been rated A by the Knesset. Can you beat it? You bet.";
1910 case 713: return "Tired of the 1.8e308 AD update? Don't worry, there are a variety of ways to get rid of that annoying ad!";
1911 case 714: return "I'm a time traveler. I've been to the year 0, I think. But I haven't been to the year 1!";
1912 case 715: return "Having trouble loading images? Try turning them off.";
1913 case 716: return "It's only natural. You wouldn't expect to see this in the news ticker but trust me, you will.";
1914 case 717: return "Discovery of the 10th Dimension was announced on August 1st, 2025.";
1915 case 718: return "Greetings, welcome to the latest edition of Antimatter Dimensions!";
1916 case 719: return "I'd say our odds of seeing a seventh dimension are about 1 in 1.8e308";
1917 case 720: return "The seventh dimension is just a scam by the way";
1918 case 721: return "Nihilism is the opposite of joy. It's a drug. It makes you happy. It's a feeling. But it also has a cost. Nihilism is a deadly drug. If you take it, you can die of lack of oxygen.";
1919 case 722: return "What if I told you that there's a news ticker with the exact same name but with a different meaning?";
1920 case 723: return "I'm not sure if this is already a thing or not, but I've been getting a lot of suggestions for a news ticker that goes something like this:";
1921 case 724: return "If you're reading this, your news ticker is on.";
1922 case 725: return "The number of dimensions in a 6th dimension is the sum of all the dimensions in a 7th dimension, so 6ths of a 7th dimension are 6ths of a 6th dimension.";
1923 case 726: return "Discovery of the 9th Dimension will be discussed at the 9th Dimension Fanart Competition!";
1924 case 727: return "A new era has come and gone. There is no way to know for sure, but hope for the best.";
1925 case 728: return "Did you know the word 'antimatter' is in the dictionary right now?";
1926 case 729: return "We have a limited number of physical rewards for you to choose from!";
1927 case 730: return "No, I'm not lying. I'm telling the truth.";
1928 case 731: return "The problem with the term \"antimatter dimensions\" is that it contains all three letters of the alphabet, and no one knows what it even means. In fact, there is no word that perfectly captures what the word \"antimatter dimensions\" is: antimatter. But what exactly is an antimatter? It sounds like a normal dimension but it isn't. It may even be called antimatter dimensions, but it isn't.";
1929 case 732: return "It is said that if you go to Hell, you get PEGI-3.";
1930 case 733: return "This game is just a scam to trick people into buying worthless paperclips without any real purpose. It's impossible without an infinite number of infinite paperclips, and even then it's very hard. I managed to get it to work without an infinite number of paperclips, but I haven't seen it work without infinite paperclips.";
1931 case 734: return "\"It was an anti-matter\" - Anti-Eddie The Echidna";
1932 case 735: return "T-bone steak: burgers and fries with a side of bone-in ribeye";
1933 case 736: return "A person claims to be a god, but instead of creating more gods, they destroy all of them. They later claim to be a god again, but have yet to create a god of any other god. Is this a god-worshiping cult? Or a god-desecrating cult?";
1934 case 737: return "Antimatter is absolutely and totally rare. Of the 1.79e308 known cases of antimatter creation, 99.9999% of them have negative e's, which means that 99.9999% of the cases will produce negative e's.";
1935 case 738: return "It's the year 1.79e308, Hevi has just unlocked the 9th dimension, and the world has fallen into chaos and discord due to the Anti-Hevi revolution.";
1936 case 739: return "The war for New Antimatter has raged on for eons, but one faction has stood firm: the loyalists of the 9th Dimension. They've made a pact with the Anti-Zulu Empire, pledging their obedience to Anti-Antimatter, the Anti-Slab. The Zulu people were once part of the Anti-Slab, but fell prey to the matter once again. As the Zulu people are nomadic, they have no civilization.";
1937 case 740: return "This is an open-source, cross-platform, binary-based game development environment for the PC and Mac. It provides a robust, cross-platform development environment for the development of games, and additionally provides a framework for implementing games.";
1938 case 741: return "Ruki you have no idea how much I appreciate your huge brainpower, you are now my favorite programming genius!";
1939 case 742: return "By now you've probably heard of the \"9th Dimension\", it's an imaginary realm created by the 9th Dimension, and according to no known laws of reality, it exists. It's also the name of a popular video game, and it's been linked to a string of unsolved killings.";
1940 case 743: return "Discovery of the D5th Dimension is celebrated every year on December 25th, just like Doomsday. The reason why D5 is kept secret is because no one can remember exactly what it does. What we do know is that it's there, and it's very dangerous. People have died because they didn't know what the D5th Dimension was, and it's very powerful.";
1941 case 744: return "Antimatter is a common substance found in nature and is used in a wide variety of applications, from communication to currency to the production of antimatter, to name a few. Antimatter is also an extremely scarce resource and many people live on very tiny amounts of it.";
1942 case 745: return "If you woke up one morning and your eyes were made of matter, would you still be looking at this?";
1943 case 746: return "If you look very closely, you can see a single tear running down my sister's cheek. It was a tear for me, for she was crying for the first time, and I couldn't help it. I can't even remember the last time I cried.";
1944 case 747: return "Rationally, I would put my money on the statement that there's no such thing as too much antimatter. I mean, even a tiny bit of it is just too much. And that's just by accident.";
1945 case 748: return "The book of archeology is upon us! With over 5 hours of content, it's gonna be a long one! —DIO";
1946 case 749: return "Sometime between the ages of 12 and 20, Jackson got a phone call. A mad scientist was on the line. Jackson picked up the phone and the mad man said, \"Jackson, I just got a new message. It says \'Madman\' in big, bold letters.\"";
1947 case 750: return "Somebody: \"What do you mean, 4 is more than 2?\" Me: \"Well, I mean, 4 is 1.8e308, 2 is 2, etc...\"";
1948 case 751: return "The only thing that matters is yourself.";
1949 case 752: return "Reality is coming. You can get a sneak peek by subscribing to the \"T-series\" feed.";
1950 case 753: return "The biggest difference between me and Antimatter Dimensions, at the moment, is the weather. I can survive the rain, I can withstand the scorching sun, and I can even deal with the big crunch. But what if the weather was antimatter and the antimatter was raining meteorite on us? What would be your response? Would it be the equivalent of a meteorite hitting the ground? I don't think so. The meteorite would probably just vaporize the earth.";
1951 case 754: return Replicanti.areUnlocked() ? "A new extension is now available that will let you watch replicanti grow!" : "";
1952 case 755: return "What if you could flip a coin to determine if it was a Johnson or a Stein?";
1953 case 756: return "I am Yhmai, King of Kings!";
1954 case 757: return "This is a friendly suggestion that if you take prescription stimulants and you forget to take them till 11pm, it's probably best not to take them at 11pm.";
1955 case 758: return "A new theory says that antimatter does not exist beyond our simulation.";
1956 case 759: return "Thing is, I can count on one hand the number of times I've written that I can count on one hand the number of times I've written that I can count on one hand";
1957 case 760: return "The stakes are always high when it comes to Antimatter Dimensions. But what about Dimensions made entirely of antimatter? We don't know, but we'll never know...";
1958 case 761: return "It's the third hour. Hevipelle is trying to release an update, but it'll take an eternity because Hevipelle himself releases his update every time he runs out of e's. Today, however, he released an incremental game called Antimatter Dimensions. It's basically a combination of Matter Dimensions and Dimensions Dimensions Dimensions, except with more emotes. The graphics are basically the same, but the message is completely different. The only difference is that the dimensions have infinity e's";
1959 case 762: return "With strong opposition, the third phase of the Antimatter Dimensions project has been cancelled. The project has been cancelled because there was too much work involved.";
1960 case 763: return "This is the place where all bad ideas originate.";
1961 case 764: return "Hey check this out! We have some good news: it’s raining antimatter!";
1962 case 765: return "The first dimension is the last, it's the furthest thing from the earth and it's the one where all the problems, all the negative emotions, all the negative ideas go.";
1963 case 766: return "I was gonna do a news ticker that just covered all the bases, but I think that would make it too OP.";
1964 case 767: return "You are using the wrong version! The final release of AD will have 9 dimensions!";
1965 case 768: return "The word 'antimatter' makes me cringe. So do a bunch of other words. In fact, almost all the words in the English language. But not 'antimatter'. That's why I hate 'anti-' so much.";
1966 case 769: return "This is the last episode of Antimatter Dimensions, the game about partying antimatter dimensions with your friends, the best part about it is that you don't have to be a developer to enjoy it.";
1967 case 770: return "I was going to put a news ticker but I think it would be too much work and also I don't think it's very funny.";
1968 case 771: return "Time to go to sleep?";
1969 case 772: return "A small, yet important, message has just been sent out to all players:";
1970 case 773: return "\"I don't know about you, but my favorite number is 2048\" - people who don't know what 2048 is";
1971 case 774: return "A new group is trying to make money off of antimatter, and they're selling t-shirts that say \"YOU THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A PIECE OF NEWS, BUT IT WAS ME, DIO!\" They've got a lot of money, and they're selling it very poorly. Do they have a website? I don't know, but they're trying.";
1972 case 775: return "Im gonna leave my milk here for a couple seconds. (milk is displayed for a few seconds longer)";
1973 case 776: return "I'm a time traveler. I can travel back in time to stop you from doing what I'm about to do.";
1974 case 777: return "I mean, look at that! I got this one! It's the one you want! Buy the game now!";
1975 case 778: return "You can't sleep when there's war in the distance. You wake up with a start, running for your life. You hear cannon fire, running for your life. Then there's the sound of an engine, a roar that's deafening, and you hear the crunch. It's the end of the world as you know it. The world isn't being saved by a mountain of antimatter. It isn't. It is you, running for your life, hoping the world doesn't";
1976 case 779: return "Why is it called a 'Reality' Award if it doesn't exist?";
1977 case 780: return "In the beginning, there was nothing. Then the Creator made two, and called the third 'Intelligent Being'";
1978 case 781: return "This is your chance to get a secret achievement while playing Antimatter Dimensions: the game. Visit the reset button and play the game. After you beat the game, your save file will be expunged and you will get a free achievement.";
1979 case 782: return PlayerProgress.dilationUnlocked() ? "Please tell me you don't have tachyon particles in your bloodstream!" : "";
1980 case 783: return "Taller people have ***, more babies are born, everything is great. But... the Antimatter grows very slowly.";
1981 case 784: return "Now, I know some of you are impatient for the update and I respect that. But let's get right into the news!";
1982 case 785: return "Hey, what's the deal with the \"Editor's Note\" button? It's anti-ironic... I mean, seriously? People still use that button despite its anti-ironic effects?";
1983 case 786: return "You can unlock the 9th dimension by [DATA EXPUNGED]";
1984 case 787: return "With the release of AD, there's a new dimension for everyone!";
1985 case 788: return "Hey guys, this is my first story. I'd like to start by saying that I am in no way an expert, so please be gentle with me. Please don't make me angry, or I'll write a nasty story. Also please don't make me upset, especially not if it's a 'story' and not a 'how do I beat the game' kind of story.";
1986 case 789: return "It's a good time to be a dog owner";
1987 case 790: return "What if you could turn any number on an axis, and it ended up being infinity?";
1988 case 791: return "After a couple minutes of waiting, the ticker comes back online.";
1989 case 792: return "The best part of watching someone make an antimatter, is the part where they blow up the video camera.";
1990 case 793: return "The evening before, the 6th Celestial was assassinated by an unknown assailant. The next day, authorities reopened the case after an unknown assailant claimed responsibility.";
1991 case 794: return "What do you call a $100 bill? 'Billi Bills'";
1992 case 795: return "This is the story of how I learned to love the weather.";
1993 case 796: return "It's been a while since news tickers have been around as much as they are now, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're bad.";
1994 case 797: return "Is this game just about getting more antimatter?";
1995 case 798: return "The third annual Adirondack Mountaineering Festival will be held this year on Saturday, October 1st from 1-5pm at the Albany Highlands in nearby Troy, New York. The 50,000 person capacity outdoor amphitheater will feature over 2,000 speakers, a stage and a 360 degree camera system. Tickets are $35 and can be purchased at angersalley.com.";
1996 case 799: return "The whole bottom half of the universe is just a giant antimatter hole.";
1997 case 800: return "A new prestige layer has been announced: Emojis!";
1998 case 801: return "Travis is currently attempting to understand how to make hevi immortal by feeding him antimatter.";
1999 case 802: return "The slowmode is activated when the slowmode is activated.";
2000 case 803: return "A new era of Warcraft has come to a close. A new epic has begun. A new avatar has risen from the depths of Tyria, and the Worm Cult has been dealt a cruel but necessary wound. The world is rejoicing.";
2001 case 804: return "A crowd-sourced list of the top ten memes";
2002 case 805: return "You have to go deeper than the news ticker to find the secret achievements.";
2003 case 806: return PlayerProgress.replicantiUnlocked() ? "We should be able to make a replicanti-like structure out of antimatter, but we can't because it would blow up the entire universe" : "";
2004 case 807: return "THe last update, while short, was kinda long. I mean, it was only 5 hours. Hevipelle said it would last for 5 hours, but that was only a few seconds ago. There was a big explosion in the 8th Dimension, and there was no one left to explain how it happened. All we know is that it exploded when Hevipelle touched it, and there was a big crater in the ground. That crater is still there.";
2005 case 808: return "Cream cheese is the best kind of cheese. It melts in your mouth and tastes like nothing else. And it's totally free. You might even find that some of the recipes make more than one cheese.";
2006 case 809: return "Here's a question that may surprise you: Were the people of EARTH made of antimatter, or were they made from some other mysterious material?";
2007 case 810: return "The real reason no one has made a joke about why there is no 9th dimension is because the 9th dimension isn't even the most ridiculous of memes. It's the 9th dimension in a nutshell.";
2008 case 811: return "The number of dimensions is endless, but the number of ways to get there is infinities. Infinities are awesome and I would highly recommend you start with infinities, but I wouldn't recommend starting with infinities. Infinities seem pretty slow and not very fun so I wouldn't recommend starting with infinities.";
2009 case 812: return "A report by the Pacific Northwest Toxics Institute has found that the consumption of fish concentrates in the liver, lungs, kidneys and brain. The study also found that the consumption of liver and kidney concentrates the most, followed closely by the brain. The report stated that \"The brain is the place where all the wisdom and all the knowledge exists.\" The study also stated that \"Liver is the living embodiment of all that we know and all that we don't.\"";
2010 case 813: return "The old adage \"Be wary of what you wish for\" is certainly true. But what if you were the one wishing for this? It's possible that you were the one who made the wish for this, and you gained the power of the Antimatter. In that case, you are the one responsible for causing all the Antimatter to be turned into anti-matter. However, if you are the one doing the turning, you would be the one who would lose the power.";
2011 case 814: return "Took you long enough";
2012 case 815: return "No, you see, the universe doesn't revolve around the earth. It's in a constant state of change, with the largest fluctuations occurring at the extremes of the observable universe. These fluctuations are what create the observable universe, with smaller fluctuations creating the observable universe and so on up until you get to the present state of affairs, which is what you are in.";
2013 case 816: return "The biggest difference between the past and the future, is the difference between faith and reason.";
2014 case 817: return "Hevi, you have to go.";
2015 case 818: return "The challenge of finding the ninth dimension has been solved. The universe is now your personal hell.";
2016 case 819: return "\"That's not how you're supposed to play the game\" - Mee6";
2017 case 820: return "It's Saturday, you're going to celebrate by making some really great music videos, maybe even a hit song. Then, you're going to take a walk along the beach. You'll see a huge wave, and you'll both be washed up. Your friends are waiting for you. \"Oh you want to go, take a look around!\", but don't actually go look around, you're too close to the action.";
2018 case 821: return "Hevi has the best newsticker! GIVE HIM THE CRUNCH";
2019 case 822: return "By now you've seen a ton of news tickers, and you've probably seen the big news: The news ticker has been banned in this server.";
2020 case 823: return "For example, if A is the square root of 3, then B is the square root of 2, therefore C is the square root of -2, therefore D is the cube root of -2, therefore E is the square root of 3, therefore F is the square root of 3, therefore G is the square root of 3, therefore and so on.";
2021 case 824: return "Positrons are those tiny, round, highly charged particles that are found in the nucleus of most living organisms. They are used to detect light, and are sometimes used to measure the distance between people and the moon.";
2022 case 825: return "There's only 4 types of people in this world: those who make games, those who make news, and those who make news again.";
2023 case 826: return "If you have any questions or concerns regarding the game, please don't hesitate to ask. We are here to help.";
2024 case 827: return "You must obtain a certain amount of antimatter in order to complete this challenge.";
2025 case 828: return "The number of dimensions is nothing. It's just the number of dimensions. But what if you transformed every number into a letter? That would be a lot of letters?";
2026 case 829: return "The following is an extract from my upcoming book, More Than Just 5: Building a Better You. It's 200 pages long, and it's on Amazon for $22.99. Click here to buy it now.";
2027 case 830: return "SOME people are claiming they saw a UFO in the sky. Others say they saw a spaceship. Still others claim to have been abducted by the government and flown to some undisclosed location.";
2028 case 831: return "The second half of the game is basically just long, long stretches of nothing where nothing happens. There's also a third challenge that you have to complete at some point in the game where you basically just skip a few seconds of nothing happening until the seconds are too late and you have to complete another challenge to get them.";
2029 case 832: return "This is a news ticker, so if you tap this you're indicating that you wish to have your news ticker speed increased.";
2030 case 833: return "The following is based on my personal experience with the game \"Antimatter Dimensions\" and may not be 100% true.";
2031 case 834: return "This is the third part of the two part series on the pros and cons of body positivity.";
2032 case 835: return "The phrases \"Hevi dies in the 9th Dimension\" and \"I'll never let you down\" are two of the most important phrases in the game.";
2033 case 836: return "It's been proven that not drinking water increases your risk of dying from antimatter annihilation.";
2034 case 837: return "I'm a time traveler. I'm supposed to be going back in time to change history. But since I'm the one who's supposed to do it, I don't know what I should do. My present timeline doesn't include time that's supposed to be gone.";
2035 case 838: return "A conference on artificial intelligence and human enhancement has been cancelled after someone announced that the talk was on how to turn a profit off of illegal downloads of the game \"Antimatter Dimensions\".";
2036 case 839: return "When you're done playing, take your save with you and go to main menu. You can do that by tapping the big scary \"X\" button, or by going into options and changing \"Reset the game for new save\" to \"Reset the game for old save\".";
2037 case 840: return "The most popular game on the App Store, Flappy Bird, has been secretly rewritten in C# to avoid detection.";
2038 case 841: return "About this mod Replaces the full version of the game with a longer intro, random news tickers and a companion voiced by the voice actor from the Harry Potter movies.";
2039 case 842: return "kajfik is a master welder and will soon have his own news";
2040 case 843: return "I am the most hated man on the planet! I have the power to change the course of history, and I will use it to my advantage. The people who died trying to stop me, and their sacrifice will forever be remembered in infinities of infinities. But if you oppose me, you will die along with you. You can either accept defeat and move on, or you can rise up through the ranks, become a legend, and become the most hated man in the history.";
2041 case 844: return "Antimatter is like a young woman. She is looking for a man, and he runs into the woods. She dies of exposure soon after. His remains are found several miles away. Some say the universe was blown apart, others say he was swallowed by the universe, but the matter people know him !";
2042 case 845: return "I think I might have gotten the password for the 9th dimension, if only I hadn't deleted it.";
2043 case 846: return "A group of people that worships Atreides have started a new faith, claiming to be a \"religion of tolerance\". Their website claims that it is \"a religion of inclusion\" and that it promotes tolerance and diversity. All of its members seem to be Christians, although they never mentioned them by name.";
2044 case 847: return "A new cryptocurrency, called ΔX, has been found. It has the potential to change everything about how we live our lives, and the world. However, it has one major flaw: it has a flaw for the people.";
2045 case 848: return "With the release of the new Android Pay app, the world will finally come to a close.";
2046 case 849: return "I'm not sure if it's just me but when you type something long enough it sounds like a helicopter";
2047 case 850: return "If someone were to add the word \"infinity\" to the end of every sentence in the English version of the game, it would become \"Infinity Challenge: Infinity Edition\".";
2048 case 851: return "Are you ready for some bad news?";
2049 case 852: return "I don't know if you've heard this but it's true: You can walk into a bar and get the same beer twice in a row, and get the same amount of alcohol.";
2050 case 853: return "This is the magic sauce that marinades foods and turns them into something delicious. It is used in a wide variety of recipes, and can also be made by mixing together regular mustard and water. The sauce can be a little bit spicy, but it is well worth the risk. It is also very nutritious, providing lots of potassium, magnesium, and vitamin D3.";
2051 case 854: return "IMPORTANT NEWS: We have just been informed by the manufacturer of this news-ticker, and as a result, all of our future news-tickers will now also be made from scratch!";
2052 case 855: return "The second half of the year is upon us, and with it comes a new craze. People are trying new things, experimenting with new products, and creating new things of themselves. One such craze has swept across the land. The people of this land have embraced this craze, and have created a new religion, one that worships the god of this land, Inigo Montoya.";
2053 case 856: return "The official website for the upcoming game, Antimatter Dimensions 2: it's like antimatter dimensions, but with a dash of Discord and a dash of Adele.";
2054 case 857: return "Is the Big Crunch the end of the world? No, it's the beginning of a new era. The era will last for e308 days.";
2055 case 858: return "The only 'right' way to play a game is to not play at all, right? That's what anti-jokes are all about. — Anti-joker";
2056 case 859: return "The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists has just announced the existence of a second class of particles, which are named after the characters from Ghostbusters.";
2057 case 860: return "We are currently in the process of turning the planet into a Comfort Zone for the people. It will be complete in 10 hours.";
2058 case 861: return "I'm gonna leave my milk here for a couple seconds. ♥";
2059 case 862: return "And then there was Jesus, and Hevi, and Hevi was with Him; and the sea gave up its monthly cycle, and it was a great gale. And Hevi and Jesus went up into heaven; and Hevi was filled with the Holy Spirit. And Hevi was clothed with angels, and was numbered with them. And Hevi was taken up into heaven, and glorified and was exalted, and was numbered with them, and was called Wonderful; and His angels rejoiced.";
2060 case 863: return "You will probably spend most of your day reading news ticker suggestions here.";
2061 case 864: return "The Fremen race of animals are a race of people who live in harmony with the earth, and thus are quite different from the other races of animals. Their society is based around hunting and gathering, and they are also highly spiritual people. They have many beliefs and practices that are in direct contrast to most other races of animals, such as eating meat and using stone tools. They also seem to be quite superstitious, as evidenced by the fact that they are known to perform...";
2062 case 865: return "What if... the universe was just a ruse to keep the people in line? ...actually, no, it was actually intended, the universe was designed to keep the people in line. The problem was the people couldn't handle the idea of an outside force manipulating their lives, and ended up breaking out into uncontrolled chaos, eventually leading to thermonuclear annihilation.";
2063 case 866: return "If you're reading this, you probably shouldn't have. If you aren't, then you probably should.";
2064 case 867: return "I'm a time traveler. I can tell you the history of the world. But, I can't tell you the future. That's why I'm here, to tell you the future. The future is an ever- expanding pile of past, present, and future, and it'll never stop growing. There's so much history, so little time. There's so much history, but it won't stop growing. Then, there's this, and then there's that, and then...";
2065 case 868: return "A new, improved and more secure version of Antimatter Dimensions is now available: Antimatter Dimensions 2.";
2066 case 869: return "In the beginning, there was nothing. Then the great Hevi made the game, and there was nothing to play with it.";
2067 case 870: return "Would you recommend Antimatter Dimensions to a friend? Yes";
2068 case 871: return "\"We have 3 kinds of news: warnings, nudges and shade jokes.";
2069 case 872: return "I love you bro!";
2070 case 873: return "I'm going to keep this short, because I don't have a much to say.";
2071 case 874: return "A large number of anti-kafawis are taking part in the Antimatter Goodies competition. Here's how you can win: 1. Make a suggestion 2. Give away the beta key 3. Tell me what you think about the game 4. Don't put it in the game yet (it's already there, you can't delete it) 5. Don't put it in the game yet (it's already in the game) 6. Don't put it in the game";
2072 case 875: return "THe recipe for Crispy Shrimp is one of the most unique and favorite of all time! Crispy shrimp are known to be one of the best in all of food! This recipe is a must try in your favorite Italian restaurant!";
2073 case 876: return "After you have made 1 antimatter, go to the menu and press reset.";
2074 case 877: return "I think you know where this is going.";
2075 case 878: return "The catch? You have to be online for less than 5 hours to claim your reward.";
2076 case 879: return "Tetris was made by Hevi";
2077 case 880: return "What if instead of making antimatter, we're actually removing it?";
2078 case 881: return "The new instalment in the long running series, Antimatter Dimensions - Exotic Matter Dimensions. Experience the most bizarre and wonderful worlds of Antimatter Dimensions with your Friends, or conquer the world in a single galaxy with hundreds of rivals in a single galaxy, all in under an hour.";
2079 case 882: return "I hope you're ready for the big news, because that's the big news. The antimatter is spilling all over the place, and it's blowing up the neighborhood.";
2080 case 883: return player.infinityPoints.gte(B_33_333_333) ? "You must get 33,333,333 IP to see this message" : "";
2081 case 884: return "You might think these are jokes, but trust us, you'll be shocked how much you'll love them after you read them!";
2082 case 885: return "The God-Emperor himself, Hevi, the creator of balance, has a super secret achievement. It is to go flip your superflat apprenticed flatmate!";
2083 case 886: return "Sonic was born without a heart... but that didn't stop him from being a genius";
2084 case 887: return "The most common question I get is \"can i just skip the ads and get true\" and the answer is always a resounding NO. The reason being, ad revenue is just too damn high to overcome the cost of maintaining the servers, plus the fact that most players just don't care.";
2085 case 888: return "You haven't unlocked the ninth dimension yet? Just hold M and DROP.";
2086 case 889: return "The Great Matter War was a close one. The matter victory was short lived, the antimatter victory was not. The matter people saw too much, the antimatter people too weak, and the war was won.";
2087 case 890: return "Turing-complete game about providing the update";
2088 case 891: return "New research suggests that the more antimatter we make, the more matter we'll have";
2089 case 892: return "What is the meaning of life?";
2090 case 893: return "You have enough antimatter to craft a new prestige layer! Prestige Layers are great.";
2091 case 894: return "The beta testers for Antimatter Dimensions 2 are the most loyal, most dedicated, and most implacable group of people I've ever met. They're also possibly the laziest, most self-indulgent bunch of people I've ever met.";
2092 case 895: return "Shocking new study reveals that the more time you spend on the internet, the more likely you are to get starstruck.";
2093 case 896: return "When you are done playing, and wish to play again, you should start a new game.";
2094 case 897: return "I don't know about you, but I don't buy paperclips.";
2095 case 898: return PlayerProgress.replicantiUnlocked() ? "Hevipelle uses replicanti to speed up game speed." : "";
2096 case 899: return "So let's say you're making a game. You're making a singleton. You're making a game that's gonna be played offline. What happens when you play it? It crashes. What happens when you play it? It crashes more. What happens when you play it? You lose your save.";
2097 case 900: return "This is what happens when you OVER-RELY on your \"fake it til you make it\" attitude.";
2098 case 901: return "This is the fifth part of a two-part series looking at how science and magic are linked. Part one will be published on 5 October, part two will be published on 24 October, and you can follow the journey at part three.";
2099 case 902: return "What is 5 hours? A giggle";
2100 case 903: return "A new beta test is now available for Antimatter Dimensions, coming in 5 hours. There are no refunds for this test, so please be patient as we try to finalise the test and get it ready for the public. The test will take place in -5 hours in the Antimatter Dimensions Discord.";
2101 case 904: return "The Night is coming, and in its wake a terrible thing has been unleashed: ruin. Chaos. And decay. And death. And chaos is coming for all of us.";
2102 case 905: return "This article is a stub. You can help Deskthority by expanding it.";
2103 case 906: return "A new, safer way to store and retrieve your data has been found! When you get to the AE, click on the big red button and the world will stop rotating!";
2104 case 907: return "Ooh, what's this noise? A crash of some sort? More like, a crash of some greater magnitude? I don't know. Whatever it is, it's probably not being caused by me. I shouldn't be putting it through, it's just... well, you see, I was going to put it through, but then I just thought it might be a good idea to just put it through. Oh, it's gonna be a good one, I promise.";
2105 case 908: return "Last week, we reported that an unknown individual known only as \"Anti-Doctor\" has broken the game and claimed ownership of the game's data. Since then, he has spread the word that he has an \"explosive new app\" that will allow him to \"turn [he] antimatter.\" However, no one has come forward with information on how to use the app, or even if it is a reality. We will update this article if and when we find out.";
2106 case 909: return "The second thing I'm gonna do is go talk to the Devs in person. I don't know if I'll be able to do that without pissing someone off, so I'm gonna do it right here.";
2107 case 910: return "The great majority of people don't get the full benefit of antimatter dimensions, and as such are not affected by it. However, there are certain people who are affected and at certain times of the day, depending on their mood and how much antimatter they have, they will manifest a dimensional shift, going from being idle to being actively involved in news ticker suggestions. This shift is due to the antimatter in their body emitting a certain wavelength, called \"red-shifted\".";
2108 case 911: return "By now we all know the drill. You get a new prestige layer just by spending eternity with someone.";
2109 case 912: return "The real reason that the 9th dimension exists is to keep us all imprisoned in a virtual reality simulation.";
2110 case 913: return "Your PC is infected with a weird, floating virus that's trying to steal all your antimatter. There's no cure, so get offline now!";
2111 case 914: return "The year is 5303. Hevipelle, the creator of Antimatter Dimensions, has touched the ninth dimension.";
2112 case 915: return "The phrase \"Hevipelle hates me\" is pretty funny.";
2113 case 916: return "The government shutdown has come and gone, the nation is still in a recession, and the Federal Reserve is still reading zero-hour contracts. The only thing that's getting better is your relationship with antimatter, obviously. It's been proven that knowing someone with an antimatter will bring you closer to extinction than any other kind of friend you can have.";
2114 case 917: return "IMPORTANT NEWS: The developer Hevipelle has announced that Antimatter Dimensions: the game is now 100% free!";
2115 case 918: return "Someday, we shall come upon the day when a man will sit on the head of a dragon and call it a \"Dragonball\". Such a man would then go and perform the Dragon Ball Z: Battle Royale in which he would use Dragon Ball Z: Fusion to create a gigantic dragon that would then consume the universe in the process, thus creating a \"Big Bang\". Such a man would then be rewarded by being \"built again\" and sent back to the \"Heavens\".";
2116 case 919: return "\"I think that the greatest achievement a man can make in his life is to say that he has read every single news ticker suggestion and nothing happened.\" - Kajfik";
2117 case 920: return "Titanfall 2 is now in closed beta. The beta is only for people who are willing to give up some personal information, such as email addresses. If you're in the beta and would like to leave, you can do so at any time by going to the Help tab and changing your beta settings to public.";
2118 case 921: return "Personally I like to get a 4 or 5 star rating, it gives you an idea of how great your suggestion is and also shows me how much you care about the game. If you want I can also do a 6 star rating, which is fine with me. I don't care if people like it or not, I work for APG and I get paid to make money.";
2119 case 922: return "The real reason no one talks about 9 is because it's not a big secret";
2120 case 923: return "The only difference between a man and a woman is their attitude towards petting animals.";
2121 case 924: return "A number of recent television documentaries have featured the story of a dog named Louie. He was accidentally made a member of the public after his owner left the house. One day he decided to play 'Let's Play Let's Play' with his owner. He was immediately put to sleep.";
2122 case 925: return "The entire history of the world, every single idea, every single failure, every single downfall, every single achievement has been covered in one fell swoop.";
2123 case 926: return "This sentence contains two paradoxes.";
2124 case 927: return "The time has come to reveal the next expansion for Antimatter Dimensions: the 1.79e308th Dimension. It will be released in -5 hours, it costs 1.79e308 human souls as of now, and it has nothing to do with matter or antimatter.";
2125 case 928: return "I wonder what the fuss is about with the 4th dimension? Well, if you have 4 of them, and you multiply them by 0, then you get to the magical number of 4. That's why the 4th dimension exists. But what if there were 5? Well, the 5th dimension could replace the 4th dimension, so why not have a 5th dimension? Well, that's what the 6th, the 7th, and the 8th dimension are.";
2126 case 929: return "You are using the wrong version! The reality update is already out! Press Ctrl+Shift+Alt+Del to unlock the 9th Dimension!";
2127 case 930: return "A man claims that he's been in a coma for 20 years now, and that he can't move his fingers. He was brought to the hospital with a compression fracture of his back, and since then he's been receiving medical help. He's since recovered, and now requires no medical attention. We still don't know where he's going with this, but we hope he finds some comfort in knowing that he'll never wake up.";
2128 case 931: return "To move from left to right, turn right.";
2129 case 932: return "Then we have the matter dimensions. From what I can gather, they are made of antimatter. There is some debate about whether or not there are any dimensions left over that are made out of matter, but that is not the main question. The real question is \"why do they exist, and how does antimatter affect them?\"";
2130 case 933: return "A new breed of mad scientist is believed to be creating antimatter at an alarming rate.";
2131 case 934: return "A new kind of justice has been discovered: mass deception. It works by tricking the player into thinking that he/she has done something wrong, when in fact he/she has just done something perfectly normal, i.e. going about his/her daily life normally, without thinking about it.";
2132 case 935: return "Dedicated to the great and wonderful man behind the curtain, the great and wonderful name rick roll. RIP, good man. May you rest in peace.";
2133 case 936: return "For the last time, Antimatter Dimensions isn't a Clicker game.";
2134 case 937: return "The number of dimensions is infinite, but the quality of your dimensions is limited. This is why we only produce the highest quality antimatter, and what makes us different from other factories.";
2135 case 938: return "I've heard of prestige layers before but never sure what to do with them.";
2136 case 939: return "A man walks into a bar. The bartender tells him to stay the heck out. The man continues walking.";
2137 case 940: return "The oldest and maybe the most famous game in all of AD, that certainly will be remembered long after you retire, is AD. Ever heard of someone winning the game with more than 2 1's? I have. Ever heard of someone losing it? I have. Ever heard of a 9th dimension existing in AD? I have never.";
2138 case 941: return "Greetings, I am the first step of the step ladder.";
2139 case 942: return "It's the year 1.79e308, Hevi is still trying to figure out how to fix the update.";
2140 case 943: return "What if you could stretch your legs and not lose them forever?";
2141 case 944: return "T he most important thing to realize is that you don't have to play the game to get the achievement. You can actually get it by just reading the achievement descriptions.";
2142 case 945: return "A new bank has been set up to provide safe haven for cryptocurrencies.";
2143 case 946: return "Google+ is known to be a hit with teens, and today, they got their very own virtual reality (VR) version of Animal Farm, the classic 1950's farm story. The game is a blend of adventure, strategy and music, and was made by a small team of people with an eye towards engaging young people. The game offers an alternative to most other VR games, and is suitable for anyone who is not comfortable with large, complicated, graphics and sounds. The game features over 50 different...";
2144 case 947: return "This game could be called anything. You could call it whatever you like. But you'd be wrong. It's mine.";
2145 case 948: return "Where does all the antimatter come from?";
2146 case 949: return "The Tickspeed Challenge is a team based game where you have to time-travel to the Andromeda galaxy to reach the 9th Dimension, the 1st Dimension being the shortest distance to the 9th Dimension. There is no perk for reaching the 9th Dimension, you just have to time-travel to the Andromeda galaxy to reach the 9th Dimension, and you'll be granted with a secret achievement for achieving instant [REDACTED] with no time-travelling.";
2147 case 950: return "This is the question that has been bothering me for so long. What is Antimatter? Is Antimatter an Antimatter? What does it mean when you say \"Antimatter\"? These are the kinds of questions that plague the Antimatter Dimensions...";
2148 case 951: return "The term 'Antimatter Dimensions' is a play on words that literally means 'Antimatter Dimensions' in the dictionary.";
2149 case 952: return "I can suspend the laws of physics because I'm a genius and my universe is so big that I can literally suspend the laws of physics and create a universe that's twice as big as the current one and with twice the mass, i'm sure you can imagine how big that would be.";
2150 case 953: return "When you are fighting a losing war, you make peace with the Powers That Be. You give up the ghost, and move on to the next challenge.";
2151 case 954: return "Somewhere, in another galaxy, a superintelligence is trying to figure out how to get around the limitations of what a 2-dimensional vector space is. It's probably working on a 3-dimensional space.";
2152 case 955: return "The antagonist of the last few minutes is the mysterious, antimatter-covered being known only as \"The Man in Black.\" He was last seen running towards a news broadcast, seemingly lost, until he made it back to the news station and was interviewed about his experience. His story is told in the bottom right corner of the screen.";
2153 case 956: return "You have unlocked the 4th storyline.";
2154 case 957: return "While you were busy farming that pesky \"real\" number, I was busy writing that news ticker.";
2155 case 958: return "A new power has arisen: the antimatter.";
2156 case 959: return "The day has come. The antimatter is falling from the sky, and the streets are silent.";
2157 case 960: return "The most important thing is to understand that you are playing a simulation. You can win or lose, but you can't get anything from it other than a little itch on your neck.";
2158 case 961: return "The anti-snowman is a very special snowman. He's very timid, but has a very powerful wish to be picked up by a helicopter. The government doesn't want this to happen, so they lock him up in a special building and fly him over great distances. Finally, they drop him on the ground and begin to pick him up. The government didn't use force to pick him up, instead they invited the entire community in and started picking them up. The community refused.";
2159 case 962: return "I'm surprised you didn't say \"Not my cup of anti-tea.\"";
2160 case 963: return "I see you are a man of culture as well. I wonder what it is that draws you to speak in such an ungainly, tortured voice? What attracts you to speak in a language no one can understand? I hear your fans rave about your videos, but what draws you to this place? I feel like I know you. You are... you are a man of mystery. One that intrigues me...";
2161 case 964: return "Note: this is a private message. Do not send it in public.";
2162 case 965: return "When you reach Infinity you unlock a new dimension: Pandemonium Dimensions. Go to the news ticker for more information.";
2163 case 966: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "Although the majority of players would say that the 9th dimension is not a thing, a handful of people would go and level it up in the most epic way imaginable. These people would use the power of the 9th dimension and achieve, like, 1.79e308 EP with it. No? Well, they are the exceptions to the rule." : "";
2164 case 967: return "The story of the \"perish the thought of dying\" movement has been told before, but never quite accurately. The movement was originally organized by antievolutionists to stop the exponential growth of scientific notation, but soon spread to oppose any form of \"progress\". In its early days the movement was led by an enigmatic individual known only as \"The Great Hevipelle\". Their philosophy was simple: expand the possibilities of what is possible, and push the limits of what is tolerable.";
2165 case 968: return "This is the story of how the world ended. Earth was once a lush and green world. Then, some guy from outer space touched it and started growing mushrooms. He called himself Hevi. Some say Hevi was never satisfied. Some say he exploded. All we know is that Hevi is still out there expanding his reach, and we are stuck here in the void of space.";
2166 case 969: return "Antimatter Dimensions, the only place where you can trade real estate for virtual reality";
2167 case 970: return "This page contains spoilers for Antimatter Dimensions, you've been warned.";
2168 case 971: return "The best thing about being a news ticker is being able to slip into the news without anyone noticing.";
2169 case 972: return "This paperclip maximizer is a great idea. It's probably best not to let it run its course though, since it's quite possibly the most amazing thing you've ever seen. If you've somehow survived the first phase of the paperclip dimension, you're probably wondering what it's doing in your home. Fortunately, it's super simple to fix. Just go to options, and change \"Max all\" to \"Always max all\".";
2170 case 973: return "A powerful wizard chose to channel negative energy into antimatter, and now the antimatter is spilling out into the world.";
2171 case 974: return "A new age of ultra low-cost, ultra-fast trains has been announced by Elon Musk. Users will be able to travel from A to Z in a mere 186ms.";
2172 case 975: return "A group of researchers at the University of Manchester have created a 3D printer that can create any object out of thin air, including a 3D-printed replica of the Virgin Mary.";
2173 case 976: return "Alright, here's a new game called Antimatter Dimensions, it's like Matter Dimensions except with less stuff and more fun. It's available on Android, iOS, and web. The game is very simple: you take the 6 dimensions and the antimatter, and in the 6 dimensions you take the matter and in the matter you take the antimatter, and you play the game the same way you would any other game.";
2174 case 977: return "What arbitrary, subjective, meaningless number comes out of your mouth like a mercury thermometer? 1.79";
2175 case 978: return "\"Word on the street is that the word \"bank\" is an anagram of \"bank\" - that makes sense but i'm not there yet\" - Slabdrill";
2176 case 979: return "The 9th dimension rose up like a volcano and began raining destruction on the empty 10th dimension. The smoke and debris from the exploding 9th dimension covered the entire 9th dimension. All that is left is a smoldering crater and the remains of the 9th dimension.";
2177 case 980: return "Help! How do I get the dots moving in my head coordinator?";
2178 case 981: return "Hi, could you please not disable the news ticker? Thank me later.";
2179 case 982: return "If you are suffering from low antimatter production, then worry not, friend! Our highly scientific antimatter government has recently reached the ninth dimension and will soon begin giving us the Anti-Hats as a sign of respect!";
2180 case 983: return "You click the bottom left corner of the screen and a green tingle goes up your leg. It's a treat you get from scratching antimatter.";
2181 case 984: return "A quick note to those of you who buy into the Analytics subscription: we get a small percentage of your antimatter sales, but you do pay a small amount of money to support the research of the news ticker. It's a small price to pay for the convenience of browsing antimatter dimensions.";
2182 case 985: return "Why haven't we caused the antimatter stock market to crash yet?";
2183 case 986: return "Even after the Heavenly Pelle put a large amount of antimatter in the pool, it hasn't produced anything. The scientist who discovered the vulnerability was last seen climbing a tree in a group of 10, with a small notebook on his lap, drinking cheese juice and watching Nothing.";
2184 case 987: return "One-two-three, boo-two-three, three-four-five, anti-four-five, two-three-eight, nine-fifteen, five-six-seven, eight-nine-ten, nine-ten-ten, seven-seventy-eight... All has been going fine until last night, when four of the eight neighbors start complaining about a strange glow. A odd hum runs through the neighborhood, almost like a radio static. It gets more and more intense as you drive by, until it's practically pitch black. You try to explain it to the neighbors, but they won't listen. The neighborhood is unsafe, everyone knows that. You analyze it further, everyone thinks it's just some astrophysicist's idea. Then, s---. It's explodium. There's antimatter everywhere, and it's getting worse all the time. It turns out, there's about 1e31 Planck volumes in the entire observable universe. And that's just the antimatter we're talking about. There's also dark matter, normal matter, and extra matter. You know, the kind you create with your imagination.";
2185 case 988: return "If you ever feel like making an antijoke, just remember that it could be pretty good.";
2186 case 989: return "You won't convince anyone to go to heaven, but you might get close.";
2187 case 990: return "BREAKING NEWS: Hevipelle, the creator of the 9th dimension, has just announced that beta will be out in 5 hours!";
2188 case 991: return "The Force is with you.";
2189 case 992: return "What if Jesus was an anti-matter ghost?";
2190 case 993: return "In the summer of 711, the Great Calamity overtook Tyria. A great void was made, and Tyria was left to rot. The armies of the known world had given up, and the void was filled with darkness. Only the might of Kajfik remained, and he rose to become the greatest God in the known world. He is said to be the one who will face the Great Calamity alone, and destroy him.";
2191 case 994: return "In recent news clashes, the warlocks have been gathering looters for raid boss. He loves his 5 hour looters and wants to show off his mighty weapon of choice, the 9th Dimension. As the two beasts battle, the 1st dimension holder needs to be careful as the first one might get the same as the 2nd one as well. Meanwhile, the raid ends its journey with a bang as the boss squanders the Explodium exploit by flooding the area with Explodium, which before his, was filled with Marsh Mice. Both are promptly annihilated by the boss' relentless claw attacks. It's a grueling job, but the raid stalwarts manage to grab the stalagm and push him across the opal Gondwan . With the boss dead and the warlocks not far behind, the warlocks try their hand at farming looters, but the grinding continues apace. Things are looking bleak for the warlocks, as the boss seeks to take advantage of the people's greed, and steal their weaponry, making them unable to use any remaining of their weapons, which are made of highly-stable antimatter. The warlocks attempt to use the no fluke policy as a weapon to smite the people, but the people take to the streets, physically attacking and mentally draining the people of all mental capacity they had been holding onto. The people resort to violence, using the 9th dimension just like they use to hold people back, but the people have faith in God that he will merciful, He will bring about a kinder and gentler time where everyone can use the last drop of their power.";
2192 case 995: return "What if you wanted to but I told you it would be too painful for you.";
2193 case 996: return "how big of numbers do you have";
2194 case 997: return "Just want to thank the dev team for putting so much effort into Antimatter Dimensions and the Antimatter Dimensions 2";
2195 case 998: return "Hevipelle has broken the 9th wall! Get ready for everything to get pretty dark.";
2196 case 999: return "The intergalactic antimatter trade has been severely disrupted, trading entire galaxies for the occasional paperclip. Cargo stands are no longer used. Oddly enough, the entire dimension has become a dumping ground for discarded plastic and other useless garbage. It's almost as if the rest of the multiverse isn't producing enough good antiparticles to feed the growing population. Unfortunately, the situation is forcing the entire multiverse to scramble to find ways to meet the growing needs of the antimatter-eating dev, who claims to have over 1.7e308 specimens left to collect.";
2197
2198 default: return "";
2199 }
2200 }
2201}