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1[Music]
2so we've looked at the power of belief
3now what I'd like to introduce you to is
4the idea of serving people whenever I
5talk to people whenever I start
6conversations or form relationships with
7people
8I always come from the angle of that on
9there to serve them now if you think
10about it serving people on the surface
11sounds very low status behavior like why
12are we serving people are we being
13subservient but really if you think
14about it the Queen is here to serve the
15country the church is here to serve the
16people our whole society is based on
17serving one another and I'm always
18thinking when I meet people how can I
19serve you how can I add to your day how
20can I leave you better off then I found
21you what can I do to solve a problem for
22you and I'll really listen as I'm
23chatting to that person and come from
24that approach of and there to serve when
25you start doing this you'll start
26noticing things that you can do to
27instantly allow you to connect with
28people much more effectively so for
29example if somebody goes to sit down I
30might put a chair up for them if they
31reach for something I might just grab it
32for them I'm there to say I'm there to
33make their day easier and it gives me
34great joy to help people because we're
35all here for the same purpose we're all
36here on the same journey now a couple of
37years ago I went to Australia and
38through a lot of luck I was able to set
39myself up with two places to stay one of
40them was next door to Russell Crowe and
41this place was amazing had an indoor
42pool in its cellar which was absolutely
43fantastic the other place have got to
44stay was in an amazing warehouse in
45Melbourne now although the location was
46amazing it had a problem attached to it
47the guy who owned the warehouse didn't
48like me very much at least that's what I
49was certain of he'd actually come to
50London six months before and we'd kind
51of fallen out it was a bit of a mistake
52but I kind of made a cheeky remark and
53he didn't take it the way I'd intended
54and that was unfortunately the last I
55saw him I didn't really get to make up
56with him then all of a sudden through
57some friends pulling some favors for me
58I got this great place to stay at
59the only snag was it was his house and I
60was not really looking forward to
61traveling 10,000 miles around the world
62only to find that he was there to greet
63me I thought it was gonna be a very
64awkward few weeks to say the least
65anyhow he was very polite and he let me
66in and the warehouse was shared by
67several of his friends I didn't have
68anything in common with the people in
69the warehouse but I decided that it
70would be really good to meet and connect
71with them and hopefully build some
72bridges but I thought what can I offer
73them we had aa fatik speech exchanges in
74other words how you doing how's they
75going and all that sort of stuff
76but there was no real connection so I
77had a think instead about how could I
78serve the people there being an
79Englishman I really liked tea so I
80walked around and I offered everyone in
81that place a cup of tea all of them said
82no but I was undeterred I made another
83cup of tea and I asked them all again
84and again I got no I decided these
85people look thirsty so I kept offering
86them cups and cups of tea eventually we
87started to have little conversations and
88I started to realize that serving people
89is a really good way to make friends
90with them now I don't mean being
91subservient to people and I don't mean
92being somebody's tea boy what I mean is
93how can I add to their day so if I was
94gonna go and buy myself some groceries
95I'd ask if they wanted anything if they
96were working on something I'd offer to
97lend a hand sometimes I just did the
98dishes but what this did is it allowed a
99channel to form where we could start
100connecting we could start building
101conversations with one another and we
102could start finding out about each other
103so whenever I'm in a situation where I'm
104talking to somebody I know or someday a
105meaning for the first time I'm always
106asking myself the question what problems
107are they facing right now because
108everyone in life has a purpose whether
109they realize it or not and that purpose
110will manifest as a goal they're trying
111to reach now every goal has a hurdle in
112the way and if you can get somebody to
113their goal or you can remove the hurdle
114you will endear yourself to people now
115their goal might not be their lifelong
116passion of climbing up Mount Everest the
117goal might just be finding
11820 pence coin so they can put it in the
119phone their goal might be very
120short-term people have short term goals
121midterm goals and very long term goals
122and in fact the connection that you
123build up with them can be accelerated
124based on what type of goal you help them
125towards however helping them towards any
126kind of goal is going to form a very
127good basis for a friendship to grow so a
128very good way of finding out somebody's
129goal if you're not sure and if you're
130sat talking to them and if you've
131started a conversation with them you
132will be anyway it's just asking the
133simple question so what's your big goal
134in life and you can also ask so what's
135stopping you what hurdles are you facing
136right now it can be that simple and
137that's when you rack your brain and have
138a think right how can I help them along
139with their goal now if you're social
140circle is quite small you have a lot
141more time to spend on helping somebody
142get to their goal if you're social
143circle is big or if it's growing then
144you have less time because there's more
145people in it and more people vying for
146your attention when that happens it's a
147good idea to not fix the goal yourself
148will not remove the challenge yourself
149but invite someone else in your social
150network to do that so for example if
151somebody's car breaks down you could use
152your time to push it off the road but if
153you can use someone in your social
154network to who's a mechanic to help them
155fix their car both people are going to
156be grateful the person who's got the
157work the mechanic is gonna be really
158happy because he's got a new job and the
159people whose car you've just fixed are
160gonna be really happy as well because
161now their problems fixed and they can
162get on with a medium-term goal of
163getting the shopping done that week so
164it's really good to introduce people in
165your social network to one another as it
166gets big but if it doesn't and if you
167don't have any resources then invest
168your time help them out a problem shared
169is a problem halved after all so what
170I'd like you to do now is make a list of
171your friends and associates put them all
172down on a piece of paper when you've
173done that I want to have a think of any
174immediate skills or talents they have
175and listen next to their name then I'd
176like you to scroll through that bit of
177paper and see if you know if anyone's
178goal or any challenges that they're
179currently going through and if anyone
180else on that bit of paper matches up and
181could potentially help them if they can
182I'd like you to ring them up in
183use them to one another or do it by
184email and just CC them in an email and
185say hey you guys should meet if there's
186any gaps and you don't know what
187challenge somebody's facing or you don't
188know what goal they're working towards
189then you have an opportunity call them
190up and ask them or even better invite
191them out for a coffee listen to what
192they have to say and make a note of it
193and what you have this now in the back
194of your mind so when you're meeting
195other people you've got a reason to form
196a very solid connection perhaps one of
197your friends is looking for an
198electrician and you might have to bump
199into one the next time you're in
200Starbucks now you have a reason for
201really connecting those two people
202together and both of your relationships
203will improve in their quality for you
204doing so it's at this point I really
205want to introduce the idea of setting
206personal boundaries as well because you
207don't want to suffer from the problem of
208having a disease to please if you serve
209people you don't want to become
210subservient in other words you don't
211want to be the person that is doing
212these nice things for people to try and
213fit in it's good to leave people better
214off than you find them and that's
215certainly my mantra in life having
216boundaries allows you to create a
217network of very high quality people so
218for example you may not put up with
219tardiness
220in other words lateness all the time so
221it may be that you start hanging around
222people who are late less and less and
223you really make a point of saying that
224you know you're not going to put up with
225lateness or you may decide that you will
226only grant people will requests second
227time if they were very grateful with you
228the first time you'll know what your
229boundaries are because your body will
230tell you if you ever feel yucky doing
231something for somebody it's probably
232because your internal boundary has been
233crossed or if you ever feel like you're
234really being put out for doing something
235but you can't really say no again it's
236because your boundaries been crossed so
237have a very clear idea of what your
238personal boundaries are what you will
239put up with and what you won't put up
240with a friend of mine was telling me he
241went to a karate class once and the
242sensei gave everyone a piece of homework
243he said have a think what you would hit
244somebody for so if a fight breaks out
245you don't have to think about it in the
246same way however think what you wouldn't
247put up with
248if you wanted a solid friendship with
249somebody make a little list write down
250those things for example you might not
251put up with somebody who loses their
252temper you may not put up with somebody
253who asked to borrow money you may not
254put up with somebody who spreads gossip
255have a very clear idea of this before
256you start connecting with people and it
257will give you lots of clarity when
258you're forming these connections and
259spare you from a lot of unnecessary
260heartache now it may seem like a strange
261exercise I mean who makes lists of what
262they will and will not put up with and
263friends however it will give you a very
264sharp awareness when you're meeting
265people and allow you to act
266authentically at all times
267it's interesting because I think that a
268man who knows his purpose is a master of
269saying no because he's so focused on
270what he's up to and a man who was
271finding his purpose should be a master
272of saying yes often we get it round the
273wrong way you say no when we should say
274yes and we say yes well we should sing
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280[Music]
281so we've looked at the puzzle piece of
282purpose and this really controls our
283attitude when we're starting
284conversations off the next piece of the
285puzzle is creation this is your ability
286to leave an imprint on the world it's
287also what keeps you present in the
288moment and is the source of fun and
289spontaneity it's the engine-room of your
290imagination and you have the most
291awesome creation tool in all existence
292your imagination it's in your mind if
293you look around you everything in your
294room started off as an idea in
295somebody's mind before it was made
296everything that we have created in this
297world that mankind has created started
298off as an idea and you have access to
299exactly the same resources so it's a
300wonderful piece of machinery in the mind
301and it's often not used to its full
302capacity so I really want to look at
303this idea of creation as the source of
304the emotions that create really strong
305connections with people because if we go
306back to that example in the boutique
307store the connection between myself and
308the clerk happened because of the
309emotions we shared in the conversation
310not what was said but the vibe between
311us both and that came from spontaneity
312now spontaneity comes from your mind
313from your creative juices developing
314your creative skills is gonna allow you
315to become magnetic because it's going to
316allow you to exude emotion with the
317people you meet so without further ado
318let's break down how we go about doing
319that the first concept I'd like to
320introduce you to is the concept of play
321now play is something we all did as kids
322but as we grew up it kind of got
323replaced with logic and other words we
324did a lot of our learning as children as
325through play we found out about how our
326body worked by climbing trees and most
327of the things you would have learned in
328kindergarten would have been quite fun
329but really you were learning at the same
330time as we got older the games started
331to cease and they were replaced with
332problem solving exercises now this is
333very important society wants you to be a
334really good problem solver if you look
335around you
336thing gets built if your playful if
337you're having too much fun you know
338imagine two builders building a house
339and one sensor and says how many bricks
340do we need and the other one says we
341need 40 billion he just exaggerated s'
342the house ain't getting built there is a
343place for logic unfortunately what
344happens is we develop our logical side
345and forget the playful side that we used
346to have much to our detriment so I
347really want to introduce this idea of
348revisiting our playful side now when
349I've mentioned play in the past to my
350clients sometimes they hesitate the idea
351of plates so alien the best they can
352kind of relate to is silliness well I
353can be silly if that's what you asking
354me silliness is really still logical
355play in fact we exercise a lot of
356logical play in the games we play the
357sports we play they have rules that all
358very serious look how serious managers
359are when they're on the side of the
360pitch at football games or basketball
361coaches are when they're watching the
362game it's all very very serious lot of
363money involved very important not much
364fun I know a chess champion who's
365absolutely bored a chess he's lost the
366fun out of the game the game stopped
367being about planes started becoming very
368hard work in fact most adults only
369really play when they get drunk it's
370almost like their inhibitions reached
371such a point that they're free to then
372become kids and do wacky things again
373now think about play that's very
374powerful his plate allows us to express
375emotions and it allows us to free up our
376minds most people when you ask them
377where they want to be in life they want
378to be happy but if you dig a little bit
379deeper they want to be free that's why
380they go and do cool sports that's why
381they go skiing or swimming or just go
382out jogging in the morning it's to fill
383that feeling of freedom to be unburdened
384by things and the quickest way to get
385this is to play now how do we play it
386seems silly how do we play you know you
387probably know worried how to play to
388some degree but I just want to make your
389mind aware of a few things the first is
390when you're in a state of play you're
391interacting in the world in the present
392moment and you're making up your own
393rules now
394Society has its own set of
395rulz they liked you to obey he keeps
396everyone as regular and well-behaved
397citizens for example some of the rural
398society may enforce our don't jump on
399park benches don't skip downstairs don't
400climb trees there's no laws that say you
401can't it's just that everyone chooses
402not to society is very powerful in that
403it's self-governing in other words we
404choose not to do these things even
405though we can because we're afraid of
406being judged by other people the fear of
407judgment is what keeps everything
408running in check and judgment is really
409letting other people write your story
410for you
411now one of the biggest realizations I
412had where meeting and connecting with
413people was that you actually have very
414little control over how people are gonna
415react to you in life but what you do
416have full control over is how you
417respond to their reaction when you
418understand this then it frees you from
419judgment because you get to write your
420story you get to take whatever evidence
421you want from whatever you do and let
422that feed into your belief so the way
423people judge you is they reject whatever
424you're doing and you'll see this in
425their facial responses the most common
426is the face of disgust which is
427basically a screwed up face like mmm
428like I'm gonna look down my nose at you
429the other thing you may see is people
430verbally disagreeing with what you're
431doing I wouldn't do that or hearing the
432ever powerful dolt
433now Weist it's your responsibility to
434serve people and leave them better off
435than you found them it's not your
436responsibility to deal with all the
437internal issues they may be having a lot
438of people will judge others when they're
439frustrated and when other people were
440rewriting their story now the truth is
441when you start breaking the rules very
442few people will actually care at all
443anyway and this is really when you're
444pushing the limits you actually get
445these responses but it's the fear of
446these responses that keeps us from doing
447anything at all which is a real shame so
448what I'm going to invite you to do now
449is start to look at the world in a more
450playful way so again I'd like you to go
451to a public area and take a look around
452and have a thinker self how can I
453interact with the objects in this area
454in a more fun and engaging way how can I
455be naughty
456how can I break the rules for what
457they're designed for so imagine you go
458to a department store in a department
459store they have escalators that take you
460up and down the floors and the rules say
461you need to go up on the up escalator
462and down on the down escalator well what
463if you didn't what if you did it a
464different way what if you ran up the
465down escalator what if you sat on the
466moving arm and coasted up and down the
467escalator what if you stopped to tie
468your shoelace up at the bottom what if
469you stood on the wrong side of the
470escalator so people can get past oh it's
471the worst thing ever
472but what if what if you're walking along
473and you see a park bench I wonder if you
474could jump over it what if you see a
475stair oh I wonder if you could slide
476down it and I want you to have a think
477about all the what-ifs you could do in
478your environment and then you guessed it
479I'd like you to go and do it if you're
480in the supermarket I'd like you to run a
481trolley or shopping cart down the aisle
482because you used to do it on your little
483why not do it when you're older see if
484you can have some fun doing that this
485may make you feel a little silly and
486that's exactly the point
487notice whereabouts you carry that
488tension in your body because it's a
489reflection of what's going on inside you
490and it'll also give you a very clear
491indication how important the positive
492judgments of others are to your
493self-esteem now if you're finding it
494very difficult to do this then I'd
495suggest look at strengthening your
496purpose and also look at developing your
497self-esteem the best ways to develop
498self-esteem I believe are doing random
499acts of kindness in other words really
500nice deeds that help people out and add
501to that day a friend of mine really
502wanted to try this out so he baked a
503cake and he took it to the intensive
504care unit in his local hospital and just
505asked for some under appreciated nurses
506he was quickly introduced to them and
507they asked him why he'd made them a cake
508he you know they would really curiously
509said is there somebody a member of your
510family that we're treating at the moment
511and he said no I just wanted to do think
512really nice and they were touched now
513now he got a huge job of doing good from
514that act
515and the more effort you put in the more
516you'll get out it's really worth just
517looking for little things you can do to
518add to people who stays where that's
519buying a homeless person a cup of tea or
520just opening a door for someone but
521these are give you little small jolts of
522self esteem but if you do really big
523things you'll get bigger jolts so
524usually the more effort the better in
525that respect
526needless to say my friend really didn't
527care what people thought of him after
528that point now it's good to maintain
529this attitude to life it really keeps
530you perked up so let's get back onto the
531idea of play the first step is just to
532interact with your environment in a
533different way and break the rules see
534what happens see how it feels to be
535judged when you're getting comfortable
536doing that the next step is to break the
537rules with other people and this is
538really my favorite thing to do now think
539about the rules that exist all around us
540you may not have any spring to mind
541right now but as you start looking for
542them you'll see them everywhere let's
543just take a sandwich shop as an example
544like a cafe the sort of place where you
545can go and buy a sandwich and take it to
546the cash register sit down and eat it
547where the rules there well there's that
548rule you see where you see a sandwich
549that someone else is about to buy and
550just as they reach out their hand to
551grab it you grab it first that's really
552naughty there's also that rule that says
553when someone's about to go and sit down
554at a chair you just go and beat them to
555it another rule that you can break
556there's also the rule there you
557shouldn't pretend to stick things in
558your pockets for example where you go up
559to the cash register and as you're
560buying a sandwich you just in full view
561take a handful of sweets and chocolates
562and just jokingly put them in your coke
563see how they handle that see how they
564react to that you're being naughty and
565of course you don't have to go through
566with the theft I'd strongly suggest you
567don't that's when you're breaking the
568law
569laws are they're not to be broken in
570this instance however rules we don't
571mind have a think about what other rules
572you could break in a sandwich shop
573let's see you could look over the top of
574someone's newspaper as they're reading
575it you could offer to sell them your
576sandwich crusts or you could do the
577really crazy thing and ask if you can
578sit down with somebody at their table
579which although seems really normal is
580sadly never done if you go to any kind
581of coffee shop or cafeteria you'll
582always see people set on their own why
583because they don't want to break the
584unwritten rule that says I shouldn't sit
585with other people so I'd like you to go
586to one of these areas and have to think
587how can I interact with people in a way
588that breaks the rules remember do it
589with a smile and you'll get away with
590murder now the reason this is so
591important is if you can start a
592conversation from a place where you're
593expressing yourself and you're having
594fun and you're going first other people
595want to join you it's a lot like when
596you go to a dance floor
597and it's empty until the first person
598gets up dancing all eyes are on them and
599everyone's looking at them and then what
600happens after a while is people stop
601looking and then they start to feel
602comfortable and then there start dancing
603as well and before you know it the whole
604dance floor is filled up but it took
605that first person to really set the
606societal expectation for everyone to
607follow and these people are social
608leaders now when you play you become a
609social leader because very often people
610will look at you with amusement
611sometimes bemusement but they'll also
612think wow I wish I had the guts to go
613and do that so it becomes very
614liberating when you interact in your
615environment in a way you want it when
616you climb trees when you have fun and
617when you're doing this it's very
618rejuvenating to your spirit and it's
619also very contagious so it gives you a
620real playful and enjoyable personality
621and nature and it's the kind of rare
622trait that people really want to connect
623with so if you're displaying this that
624playful side of you then it makes people
625really see something rare and they want
626a part of it as well it also makes your
627conversation start off in the most easy
628and elegant way because they're not hard
629work imagine how easy is to break
630through conversation fatik side
631when you just being playful incredible
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644[Music]
645now the next feature of the creation
646part of the jigsaw puzzle is developing
647a skill to call your own now you may
648already have some existing skills and
649talents to hand and if you do that's
650absolutely fantastic if you don't don't
651panic I think life is really about
652learning and growing and acquiring new
653skills is part of the fun of it
654it's certainly a great thing to develop
655now skills are very useful in connecting
656with other people if you've got a very
657small social circle you can use your
658time to connect with others and in fact
659you can use your time to connect with
660anyone anywhere but the thing is about
661time is the most valuable thing you're
662ever going to own and it's finite if
663you're giving lots of time to lots of
664people you're going to find that it's
665going to pull you away from your purpose
666and that's not going to help matters so
667another way of connecting with people
668from scratch is developing a skill now
669when I was starting out I realized I was
670a pretty good cartoonist in fact I was
671drawing cartoons in my spare time and I
672was doing it for fun and I'd meet
673business people along the way and very
674often if I really hit it off with them
675I'd say something like oh well you know
676if you ever need a costume just let me
677know now of course some of them said yes
678and I would help them out and I draw a
679cartoon for them and that enabled me to
680really click with them very easily
681I never charged them instead I said you
682can't put a price on friendship and I
683became friends with many people doing
684that one of those guys was a guy called
685Andy Moore and I think you've heard of
686him but more about that story later
687anyhow
688developing that skill of being a
689cartoonist allowed me to open doors for
690people but I realized you don't need a
691skill that takes years and years to
692develop there's many different types of
693skill you can harness for example I
694introduced a friend of mine to my dad
695recently and he really impressed him by
696cooking him a meal it was really simple
697but it was so delicious it was chicken
698on a bed of spinach with a really nice
699sauce and I know my dad loved that milk
700as he kept talking about it now the
701thing is I thought this guy is an
702amazing cook and then a few days later
703he prepared a meal for me and guess what
704it was chicken on a bed of spinach
705then he prepared a meal for my
706girlfriend and guess what that was yeah
707chicken on a bed of spinach and she said
708she know what that Andy Moore he's
709amazing he's got such amazing cooking
710talents and I was just sitting there
711thinking hang on a minute he's really
712good at cooking but he's really good at
713good just cooking that one meal so Andy
714he's developed a very short term skill
715of cooking one meal to perfection and it
716really if you get a chance I really
717recommend you get into cooking it now as
718I'm sure you're aware by now Andy is a
719man of many talents and he's got lots of
720fantastic skills like that day he's
721always passionate about developing so
722I'd recommend you find a small skill
723even if it's just learning how to cook a
724really good meal because it gives you
725that added extra key to unlocking other
726people another approach is to develop a
727passion so my passion is calisthenics
728and something I really love to talk
729about is body weight exercises now
730that's not everyone's cup of tea but it
731really is my cup of tea and although I'm
732still learning about that I am something
733of a rookie but it's okay to be a rookie
734when you're teaching other people as
735long as you just know a bit more than
736they do then you're going to be able to
737help them and especially if it's in
738something that's very unusual so if
739you're really passionate about
740collecting flowers or wildlife or you're
741passionate about a very unusual subject
742the chances are you'll probably know
743more than 80% of the population and this
744is a great tool to have at your disposal
745so it's really good to foster the things
746you're passionate about because then you
747can teach them to others and they're
748appreciate you for it so have a think
749about a skill you can develop perhaps a
750short term skill or a long term skill
751and also a passion you can follow and
752develop as well because these will help
753you build extra roads with people very
754quickly once you develop a suite of
755skills and passions you usually find
756that you can click with people over one
757subject or another so for example a lot
758of people I click with by offering them
759business advice but I also teach people
760how to improve their cartooning skills
761and I also of course as you know help
762people transform their conversational
763skills and it's during conversations
764with people that are introduced this
765topic so
766first of all I'll find out what they're
767interested in what their passions are in
768life and I'll just ask them plain and
769simple or say so what are you passionate
770about now they're gonna give me an
771answer
772and whatever answer they give dig deeper
773never be afraid to dig a bit deeper so
774say you know why is that tell me a bit
775more about that what got you interested
776the more specific and the deeper the
777answer you can get the more you know
778you're getting to the really good stuff
779so if somebody says they're really
780passionate about skydiving ask them why
781what is it that you're so passionate
782about in skydiving is it the thrill of
783jumping out the plane or is it the
784relief knowing you've landed safely and
785listen and they're gonna tell you a lot
786more they're gonna give you a much
787bigger answer that you can pull apart
788now as I mentioned before most people
789are really passionate about things that
790make them feel free and then you can
791introduce your topic you can say for
792example well you know what I love that
793feeling of feeling free like you were
794saying you know you get it from jumping
795out of a plane I get it from drawing and
796have you ever drawn cartoons before and
797their reply and if they haven't you can
798say well hey let me show you something
799really cool and then you have the chance
800to teach them something perhaps it's a
801little five-minute trick you've prepared
802my friend eagle let Ahoskie cause these
803magic moments little things you can do
804to change people's perspectives little
805tricks of your passion that you can
806teach that will give somebody a really
807good feeling for example my friend
808teaches origami and she can show you how
809to make a really nice beautiful flower
810out of a post-it note in about five
811minutes that's something you can take
812away from that conversation and it
813really endears you to that person once
814you've had that experience now of course
815they may say they are a cartoonist which
816is also absolutely fantastic because now
817you have something really deep in common
818and that's what we're going to cover
819shortly when we look how to connect
820deeply with people now the good news is
821if you don't currently have any skills
822or passions you'll find you start
823acquiring them very quickly by saying
824yes to lots of opportunities that come
825your way hopefully you're already
826beginning to see how these puzzle pieces
827overlap one another the third aspect of
828creation that I want to draw your
829attention to is presence specifically
830being present
831in the moment now if you think about
832time in general let's to past the
833present in the future and all sadness
834exists in the past memories and regrets
835are the realm of the past and all fear
836exists in the future the future hasn't
837happened yet and usually that's what
838we're worried about you know what's
839gonna happen next but the present is the
840realm of all happiness now if your
841present then there's a very good chance
842your mind isn't doing much talking in
843fact the Chatterbox of the mind is still
844that's because you're aware of
845everything that's going on around you in
846other words all your senses are occupied
847by stimuli now a really good way to
848practice this is to just find a
849comfortable place I'm guessing whatever
850you're doing right now you're probably
851listening to the sound of my voice so
852I'd like you to fix your attention on a
853single point slightly above eye level
854you don't have to look up but keep your
855head level and just make sure your gaze
856moves up to that point perhaps is where
857the wall and the ceiling meet focus on
858that point exclusively now for a few
859moments make distinctions between what
860you see notice for example the textures
861and the colors of what falls within your
862vision notice how the wall and the
863ceiling join in a line that's kind of
864there but not deliberate suspend any
865efforts of your mind to attempt to label
866what you're seeing just accept it for
867what it is without any judgment then
868relax your eyes notice the tendency of
869your vision to expand perhaps you can
870see the floor ceiling and the sides of
871the room all at the same time there's no
872need to focus on any one particular
873thing and as you notice that your
874breathing begins to shift and becomes
875deeper and karma take this sense of
876visual awareness and wrap it around you
877and behind you like a big velvet cloak
878you may not be able to see what is
879behind you being get a sense of what it
880would be like now as you're doing that
881focus on your hearing
882imagine your ears to be like a bats so
883mechanism imagine you're hearing
884stretching far out into the wider and
885wider environment become aware of the
886things that you hear notice anyone
887talking any traffic nearby noises in
888your environment in the room sounds
889creaks see if your spectrum of hearing
890increases as you do that and only as
891quickly as you can allow yourself move
892toward your feelings
893imagine your feelings to be centered in
894your stomach no belly push your feelings
895out and around you into the room like a
896sphere of radiating energy from your
897abdomen get a sense of almost touching
898the walls with this feeling sense and
899everything in between
900know what that would feel like finally
901when you feel ready become aware of all
902three of these senses radiating around
903you like interlocking circles all at the
904same time rest and this expanded
905awareness for a while
906and then only as quickly as you can
907allow yourself come back to your
908ordinary state of being now how did it
909feel having your senses occupied in that
910way it was probably a lot going on
911around you that maybe you didn't even
912realize at first and not making any
913judgments about what's going on around
914you
915frees you from your chatter books it
916turns off that in a voice or at least
917dulls it quite significantly and the
918more you practice this technique the
919more that voice begins to disappear and
920that's very important because it's very
921difficult to have a conversation with
922somebody you're talking to and also a
923conversation with yourself in your own
924mind so being able to turn that voice
925down to tune it out gives you an
926incredible advantage for being present
927and in the moment usually the voice
928likes to lament about the past or talk
929about the future but when you turn it
930off completely then it becomes very
931focused on the present and in fact if
932you are going to use your voice use it
933to your advantage
934let it remind you of your belief and
935remember your belief should also be
936something that's based on the present
937I'm very charismatic I'm a great amazing
938person that just clicks with everyone I
939meet whatever that might be
940allow your voice to just share that with
941you sometimes now once your presence is
942in the moment you become free of agenda
943and something that you can put to you
944straight away is you can start
945expressing yourself
946people who try and impress others are
947trying to create a happy future where
948they're received warmly so they get a
949positive judgment and a pat on their
950back but when you just express yourself
951you radiate emotional energy and one of
952the best ways to do this is to take
953risks when I work with clients one thing
954I drill into them is risk-taking is sexy
955risk-taking is sexy I had to say that
956twice because damn it it is sexy when
957you take risks you will not only put
958yourself in the present moment but you
959will create huge
960emotional spikes with people and a
961really great way to do that is to break
962any fatty behavior and we talked about
963Phatak speech cycles
964there's also Phatak behavioral patterns
965as well for example when you meet
966somebody new you might shake their hand
967well what if you broke that pattern what
968if when you shook their hand you just
969grab the hand and pull it towards you or
970what if you went to go and shake
971someone's hand and then you went no
972actually I'm gonna go for a hug instead
973and at the last minute threw your arms
974around them
975this creates ripples in the interaction
976and again sets you apart from everyone
977else now you may think well what if I do
978that and it goes wrong well guess what
979your inner voice is already talking
980about the future when you take a risk
981you take the attitude of let's just see
982what happens so at any point in a
983conversation before or during you filled
984out we feel nerves which is completely
985normal by the way it's your relationship
986to doubt and nerves that set you apart
987you're gonna fill these things anyway
988and I just want to go off script here
989and just say that you know a lot of
990people think well if I'm getting doubt
991still when I'm chatting to people
992something's wrong with me it's not I
993still get doubt I still get fears of
994course this is part of what it is to be
995human it's a spectrum of emotion those
996things come up for a reason now I won't
997lie the more you practice the less it
998ever really shows its head in fact when
999it comes up for me I really rub my hands
1000together and get excited because I'm
1001like oh something new to discover about
1002myself anyhow the advice I apply to
1003myself is the advice I'm gonna share
1004with you now and that is any time that
1005comes up I think to myself let's just
1006see what happens before I go and take
1007action it's kind of like a bolt on -
1008this is going to be great or it's gonna
1009go really really fun no matter what does
1010happen and what does transpire from that
1011conversation I walk out that
1012conversation like a champ I do this
1013because I know or take into the next
1014conversation what I take out of this one
1015and if I take out bad vibes and bad
1016feelings I'm gonna bring them into the
1017next conversation so as I walk out the
1018conversation as I'm patting my back I
1019think no big deal even if it went really
1020well
1021I still think no big deal and that stops
1022me attaching too much meaning to
1023anything they weren't wrong but all
1024so to my wins as well that's crazy right
1025I don't attach too much meaning to
1026either I want to be present in the
1027moment and not thinking about my history
1028so it's really important that you focus
1029on being present so that allows you to
1030connect with people when our minds in a
1031different place then it's gonna be very
1032hard to connect with people
1033authentically now there is no perfect
1034time to start a conversation yeah I know
1035what you're thinking sometimes are gonna
1036be a little bit better than others for
1037example if you see that beautiful girl
1038and she's looking for some hero to walk
1039in pick her up whisk her off her feet
1040and carry away into the sunset then
1041those situations do a curve but nine
1042times out of ten you're not going to see
1043that situation in fact ninety-nine
1044thousand times out of the hundred
1045thousand you're not going to see that
1046situation well I can guarantee you is
1047there's always going to be a really bad
1048or imperfect time to start a
1049conversation there's always going to be
1050an opportunity for doubt to come in so
1051you can negate all that by taking a risk
1052when you start the conversation for
1053example you don't have to start the
1054conversation by having a really normal
1055conversation where you complement
1056someone's shoes you can't just start the
1057conversation with a sound you could just
1058walk up and go oh now that's gonna be
1059crazy right but it's a risk you don't
1060know what's gonna come next and that's
1061when it starts to become a fun game to
1062see what happens this also allows you to
1063maintain that state of happiness of
1064spontaneity and a fun and this is going
1065to come through in the conversation and
1066once again this is what people love to
1067connect with I remember being on the
1068London tube sat next to my friend Alex
1069and a lady sat down and she'd been
1070Christmas shopping at the time and she
1071had some rolls of wrapping paper in a
1072bag and my friend just looked her looked
1073at the rolls grabbed a roll in both his
1074hands took it out of her bag and
1075pretended it was a lightsaber was made
1076that Zhang sound and she looked at him
1077joined him in that moment picked up her
1078one and they had a sword fight on the
1079subway which is completely unheard of
1080and he did that by taking a risk and
1081being present to the moment so on that
1082note we've looked at two of the pieces
1083of the puzzle that allow you to connect
1084with people in a mean
1085full and powerful way we looked at
1086purpose looking at belief and how to
1087create a belief that just makes you
1088become somebody people want to follow
1089and hang around with and also living in
1090a way where you're serving people but
1091not doing it to the point where your own
1092boundaries are violated we've also
1093looked at the idea of creation being
1094more playful developing skills and
1095really joining people in the moment and
1096these are key ingredients to developing
1097abundance these are the key factors that
1098allow you to connect authentically with
1099people once you can do that then you're
1100going to find that you're gonna create
1101so many more opportunities in your life
1102so I want to leave you of a short story
1103that happened to me yesterday I decided
1104I wanted to go and visit Japan and of
1105course to do that I needed to book my
1106flight now unlike most people I don't go
1107to a travel agent where I do go is my
1108local cafe the one I mentioned earlier
1109where I walk in and the manager comes up
1110and froze his arms around me and sat
1111down and met my friend there two cups of
1112tea were brought to me and breakfast was
1113brought to me as well I didn't have to
1114say anything because that place is like
1115my own family kitchen now a few moments
1116later my friend came and joined me we
1117had a conversation and we shook hands
1118and left while he ended that
1119conversation I had a return ticket
1120booked to Japan in business class now
1121I'm not gonna tell you how much that
1122usually costs if you go to a travel
1123agent but what I will tell you is it
1124cost me ninety five dollars each way
1125that happened because of the
1126relationship I have with the person in
1127front of me and the quality of that
1128relationship and the tools that you've
1129been developing and learning today or
1130what allow you to create these kind of
1131relationships with other people so you
1132can live a life that's full of abundance
1133not just in your dating life and in
1134regards to all your dreams to come so in
1135the next module I'm gonna give you two
1136more crucial puzzle pieces that are
1137allow this to become like second nature
1138in the meantime you have a lot to be
1139getting on with I've given you several
1140tasks to do I
1141the next coming weeks and you'll find
1142them listed in the attached documents so
1143all that leaves me to say is once again
1144thank you so much for taking the time to
1145listen to this module I know it's going
1146to be so useful to you down the line
1147especially when you're meeting and
1148creating opportunities in your life and
1149really have fun with the homework that's
1150what it's there to do when you're having
1151fun and you're learning and guess what
1152having fun is part of the homework if
1153you want to find out more about what I
1154do head over to your charisma coach com
1155otherwise speeches shortly and see you
1156on the next module
1157[Music]