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1I haven't been able to find Jim Raynor's rebuttal of the Plinkett Phantom Menace review online in plain text to read. Only pdf versions or short quotes. 
2So here it is for anyone who doesn't want to download the file.
3
4Format will be weird because it's copied off of the pdf.
5
6Red Letter Media's
7Episode I Review
8A Study in Fanboy Stupidity
9
10Celebrity Responses to Red Letter Media
11"Your life is about to change. This is astounding film making.
12Watch ALL of it."
13-Damon Lindelof, co-creator of the television series Lost
14"That Star Wars review is amazing."
15-Simon Pegg, actor
16
17Hey, if a celebrity thinks so, then it MUST be true!
18
19"He was deceived by a lie. We all were."
20
21
22Table of Contents
23What's This All About? ................................................................................................................................. 5
24The Review of the Review.......................................................................................................................... 11
25Part 1....................................................................................................................................................... 12
26Part 2....................................................................................................................................................... 22
27Part 3....................................................................................................................................................... 30
28Part 4....................................................................................................................................................... 45
29Part 5....................................................................................................................................................... 61
30Part 6....................................................................................................................................................... 78
31Part 7....................................................................................................................................................... 97
32Conclusion ................................................................................................................................................ 108
33Note: Page numbers determined by PDF format. "Page 1" starts on the cover.
34What's This All About?
35Almost everyone reading this response of mine already knows what Red Letter Media is.
36However, I thought I might take some time to explain what it is (and why I'm writing against it)
37for anyone who might come across this essay in the future, without much prior knowledge on
38anything. Feel free to skip this entire introduction, if you just want to go ahead to my actual
39response.
40Red Letter Media? What's that?
41Red Letter Media is the video production company of independent filmmaker Mike Stoklasa.
42Under the Red Letter Media (henceforth abbreviated as "RLM") label, Stoklasa has released
43numerous comedic movie reviews in video form. Stoklasa's performs his reviews in the guise of
44a character named "Mr. Plinkett," a deranged serial killer. Plinkett speaks in a dull, droning
45monotone, and the humor in his videos is based on saying violent, and outrageous things.
46Throughout this essay, Stoklasa, RLM, and Plinkett will all be mentioned frequently and
47interchangeably.
48In December 2009, Stoklasa released a scathing 70-minute long attack on the first Star Wars
49prequel, Episode I: The Phantom Menace (TPM). His TPM review received millions of views
50on YouTube and RLM's own website, gaining RLM a measure of fame on the internet. Internet
51fans, including the aforementioned celebrities, heaped praise upon the review. Many people
52called it "amazing," "spot on," "perfect," and a host of other superlatives.
53RLM's Episode I review was followed a few months later with a longer review of Episode II:
54Attack of the Clones (AOTC), running approximately 90 minutes long. In December 2010, a
55nearly two-hour long review of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (ROTS) was released.
56Why do you care what he thinks about a movie?
57I will be upfront about my opinion on TPM. I liked the movie, and consider it a worthy part of
58the Star Wars saga despite its flaws. I also think that the movie is very underrated by some vocal
59fans on the internet. Fans who denounce the film as unwatchable garbage, calling it the "worst
60movie ever" and crudely claiming that it "raped their childhood." These claims always seemed
61exaggerated and overdramatic to me, especially given the movie's box office success, the
62positive feedback from audience polls, and the continued popularity of the Star Wars franchise.
63Despite the movie's mainstream success, and its mixed but not horrible reviews from critics 
64(62% favorable, qualifying as "Fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes), the false perception of the movie as
65a complete failure that everyone hates has spread throughout the internet.
66I'll also admit to not liking Stoklasa's style. I find his Mr. Plinkett character extremely annoying,
67with a dull voice that sounds horrible even if it's intentional. He also mispronounces words on
68purpose, making things even more of a chore to listen to. I don't understand how anyone can
69bash Jar Jar Binks on one hand but like Mr. Plinkett on the other. In pretty much any other piece
70of entertainment, annoying impressions are brief and last only long enough to make their points.
71Annoying characters are shunted into mere supporting roles. In Stoklasa's review, the annoying
72impression comes from the narrator, and runs throughout the whole thing. I think his voice is a
73one-note joke. If it was ever funny to begin with, it certainly doesn't make me laugh after he
74carries on with it for over an hour. Nor do I laugh at his disgusting jokes about murder and rape.
75But my opinions about TPM and Mr. Plinkett aren't why I'm writing this. I'm writing this
76lengthy response to Stoklasa's review because it's massively overrated, and simply wrong and
77even dishonest on numerous points. Episode I detractors have rallied around the review, with
78numerous people praising it as a devastatingly intelligent and insightful critique of the movie.
79I've even seen URL links to the video being posted on internet forums, as a way to silence
80Episode I supporters and end debate on the movie. All this despite the fact that Stoklasa's review
81is full of shoddy work and awful analysis, which I will explain in the course of my response.
82I suspect that the one-sided praise stems from the sheer length of the RLM review. The average
83person likes to receive information in small doses, accepting what is told to them without
84bothering to examine anything in depth. Because the RLM review is seventy minutes long, I
85doubt that most people, including those who praise it to the skies, have actually paid attention
86while watching the whole thing through.
87During some geeky online arguments, I've seen some people take Stoklasa's statements at face
88value, mindlessly parroting his words as truth. Even though his review betrays a shocking lack
89of knowledge about TPM's themes and most basic plot points, as well as a number of other
90subjects that touches on. People who took a casual glance at the RLM review liked it and said
91why. People who didn't like it, or saw it for the lousy work that it is, either didn't care to talk
92about it or were shouted down by the masses.
93Stupidity, exaggeration, getting overrated by sheep-like followers...the RLM review of TPM
94basically covers all of my pet peeves. It's not even hard to show why it's dumb, because some of
95the things in that review are just really dumb. But still, many people think that it's the greatest
96and smartest fanboy work ever. I've seen it being said that videos, especially long ones, are a
97lousy medium for online discussion. That's because someone often has to watch large parts of a
98video just to find the few moments that he's looking for. While a written response such as this 
99one can also be long, it is far easier to skim and quote from using search functions. That
100increases transparency and makes the truth easier to see. So I guess I'll have to be the one who
101points out that the emperor has no clothes, and that Stoklasa's review isn't as smart as a lot of
102people think it is.
103Isn't it all just his opinion?
104No, the things stated in the RLM review aren't just Stoklasa's opinion. I'm going to go over the
105subject of opinions now, since this is an excuse that I've already seen too many times.
106An opinion is just personal belief, that doesn't have to be justified by anything at all. If someone
107simply says "I like the color red," then who are you to dispute that? How can anyone even
108dispute that? You can't. Similarly, if someone just says "I didn't like Episode I," then he is
109entitled to that opinion. Pure opinions reside in safe territory, and can't be disputed on logical
110grounds since they aren't based on any logic to begin with.
111The flip side to that is that pure opinions are also utterly unconvincing. Who cares if someone
112likes the color red, or doesn't like a certain movie? Everybody has opinions. No one should be
113able to convince anyone else that their opinion is the "correct" one if it isn't founded on anything
114consistent and external to themselves.
115But the RLM review doesn't stay within the safety of pure opinion, and its supporters do think
116that it's a very convincing denunciation of TPM. The bulk of the RLM review is spent on
117nitpicking the movie's plot, in an effort to show that TPM makes no sense and that George Lucas
118is a terrible writer. When you argue that something in a movie doesn't make any sense, you are
119making claims about how it relates to other things, onscreen or in real life. Things which exist
120outside of yourself, and can be observed by everyone. You have stepped away from pure
121opinion, and into the realm of factual statements. That makes your statements fair game for
122analysis and criticism.
123Don't you realize that the review is supposed to be comedy?
124Of course it's intended as comedy (I don't care to argue over opinions of whether it's actually
125funny). So was Freddie Got Fingered. Most people don't look to Tom Green movies for
126intelligent commentary - hell, most people don't even like Tom Green. 
127If you're going to use the "comedy" excuse as a defense of Stoklasa's review, then that deflates
128its credibility as a source of commentary. If something is stupid because it's meant to be stupid,
129it doesn't change the fact that it's still stupid.
130The "comedy" excuse is also often disingenuous. Too often, it is resorted to by desperate people
131who have run out of better excuses to defend something with. Something's just a stupid comedy?
132Fine. Then stop pointing to it as proof of anything, or as a guide on how to think. Don't flip-flop
133later on, when it's convenient for you to act as if it's not just a stupid comedy.
134Isn't writing a hundred-page response really geeky?
135Yes, it is. It's very geeky. So is making numerous video reviews of scifi movies, many of them
136well over an hour long. So is arguing about decades-old movies on internet forums. So is
137investing so much emotion and expectations into a movie series that you regard a new
138installment as a major life event, and cry about how it "raped your childhood" if it so much as
139underwhelmed you.
140I just want it to be known that I didn't obsessively work on this response nonstop. It was written
141intermittently, over the course of more than half a year. I stopped numerous times, either
142because I had something better to do or because I just didn't feel like working on this. Listening
143to Mr. Plinkett over and over again wasn't my idea of a fun night or weekend afternoon. There
144were entire weeks or months when I didn't touch this at all.
145So if any RLM-lover says that I've gone too far by doing this, he's full of crap. Especially if he's
146posting from a scifi, fantasy, or comic book forum.
147Are you going to make all sorts of lame excuses to defend the movie?
148I'll let the readers decide for themselves if that's the case. Although my own answer is a firm
149"no." I like TPM and think that it's been very underrated, but by no means do I think that it's
150perfect. I regard it as one of the lesser Star Wars movies. Good, but not the religious event that
151too many fanboys unfortunately expected it to be.
152Praising a movie isn't even the same exact thing as refuting criticism of it. If the RLM review
153makes some stupid claims about how the movie doesn't make any sense, then it's not necessarily
154praising the movie to point out the review's errors and omissions. 
155How did you write this response? What was your methodology?
156I first learned of the RLM reviews while reading a forum thread about AOTC. There I saw some
157of Stoklasa's points against the movie, which I took issue with. The poor arguments that I read
158didn't fit with the one-sided praise for it given by many of the people posting on the forum. So I
159decided to look a little deeper. I watched the first part of Stoklasa's AOTC review, and came
160away disgusted by the methods that he used to make his points. I saw stupid questions being
161asked in an attempt to portray plot holes in the prequels, even though the answers to those
162questions had already been made clear in the movies. Such as asking whether Sidious was a
163former Jedi gone bad, despite his frequent meetings with the Jedi as Palpatine without anyone
164ever treating him as such. I saw the use of loaded language, unsupported speculation, and
165character assassination to poison the well against George Lucas before even starting with a
166review of the actual movie. I initially intended to write a response to Stoklasa's AOTC review,
167but part of me wanted to start from the beginning. So I decided to watch his TPM review, all the
168way through.
169Before watching the Episode I review, I was mentally prepared to face the movie's actual
170shortcomings and give a pass to large parts of the review. Because to be honest, some of the
171things in Episode I, such as Jar Jar Binks and kiddie Anakin, make the movie an easy target. I
172wanted to be evenhanded in my analysis, and to give Stoklasa a fair shake despite what I had
173already seen. So I set the following ground rules:
1741. Take notes on the review as it plays out, but don't come to a final conclusion about it
175until seeing the whole thing through.
1762. If the review makes a good point, acknowledge it.
1773. Each Star Wars film should fit in with previously released episodes. However, people
178watching these movies should also be expected to know the previous movies.
1794. Disregard all information from the Star Wars "Expanded Universe" books. Most
180people don't read them. The movie series should be expected to stand on its own.
181Even though I made an effort to be fair and give credit where it was due, I ended up disliking
182RLM even more after seeing the entire review of TPM. And my notes ended up being far longer
183than I could've ever imagined. Many of Stoklasa's points weren't just bad, but so extremely bad
184that it made me wonder whether he even understood the movies at a very basic level. He said so
185many shockingly ignorant things that I didn't want to let any of it pass without criticism. Which
186is how I came to write this very long response of my mine. 
187How is this response structured?
188Stoklasa's review of TPM is seventy minutes long. On YouTube, it is evenly divided into seven
189separate 10-minute parts. My response is structured to follow the YouTube postings. The time
190in each YouTube video where Stoklasa made a significant point is displayed. As you can see
191from the closeness of the times, my response covers almost all of his points. Stoklasa's review
192actually consists of various parts or chapters within each video, which are not to be confused
193with the seven separate videos posted on YouTube. The titles of each part/chapter will also be
194shown and bolded as they come along.
195Quotes from Stoklasa (most of them from his "Mr. Plinkett" character) are bolded. Parts where
196Stoklasa used clips and quotes from the movie and other sources are bolded as well as indented.
197My own comments are written in normal text. 
198The Review of the Review
199The following is my extensive, point-by-point response. The cited
200times were taken from the review's posting on YouTube, not from
201RLM's website or anywhere else.
202Feel free to skim. The various parts, and even points of the
203review are clearly separated for easy reading. Most parts of this
204response can be read independently from each other.
205I fully encourage anyone reading this to open up the YouTube
206videos and pop in their DVDs of the movie. I'm confident in what
207I've written here, but don't take my word for it. Check everything
208you read as you go along. I want everything to be transparent,
209and for everyone to think for themselves.
210PART 1
211In this first part, Stoklasa goes over the basics of what he likes to see in a movie, which
212is fair. What isn't fair is how he gives short shrift to TPM, refusing to say that it meets
213even the most basic of standards even when it does. He also claims that two of TPM's
214characters are indescribable blank slates, which is untrue as you will see.
2150:53
216Plinkett: "Nothing in The Phantom Menace makes any sense at all. It comes off
217like a script written by an eight-year old. It's like George Lucas finished the script
218in one draft, like he turned it in and they decided to go with it, without anyone
219saying that it made no sense at all, or it was a stupid incoherent mess"
220As you will see later on, TPM made far more sense than Stoklasa gives it credit for.
221The alternative stories that he suggests actually make less sense than the actual thing.
2221:10
223Unsupported statements that Lucas "controls every aspect of the movie" and
224"probably got rid of those people that questioned him creatively a long time ago"
225are made. Basic smear tactics.
2261:53
227The review abruptly jumps to its first part, "1. The Characters."
228Plinkett talks about movie "Protagonists" (annoying pronounced "Pro-toe-gone-ist"). He
229makes some fair points about the value of having likable, identifiable protagonists who
230the audience roots for, though he's very decompressed as he runs off a long list of
231movie heroes and shows numerous short clips from various movies. Mostly he shows a
232bunch of teenage and young adult Regular Joe characters taking crap from people early
233in their movies, before their adventures start. This takes up most of the next four
234minutes.
2355:33
236Plinkett: "I want you to tell me who the main character of The Phantom Menace
237was."
238He goes through the various characters of TPM, starting with the two Jedi, Qui-Gon Jinn
239and Obi-Wan Kenobi:
240Plinkett: "I can tell ya that it's not the Jedi, they were just on some kinda boring
241mission that they didn't really care about." [A short clip is shown of Qui-Gon
242taking a Trade Federation servant droid's drink, as he was sitting down for
243planned negotiations]
244The Jedi didn't care about their mission? They were just there drinking tea, and not
245fighting? It's really nice to see him make his first real point against the movie in such a
246fair and honest way. He's totally not trying to start things off by putting misleading
247impressions in people's heads...
248He also calls the Jedi "boring." That's OK if that's his opinion, although being "boring"
249doesn't disqualify someone from being a main character.
250Here's a secret: Qui-Gon is the main character and big hero of this movie, which spends
251most of its time following him.
2525:47
253Plinkett: "It wasn't Queen Amidala, cuz she was some foreign queen the movie
254was certainly not really about specifically either."
255True, she's just a supporting character.
2565:54
257Plinkett: "Ya might be thinking that it's Anakin, cuz he's like a slave, and saved
258the day at the end, by accidentally blowing up the starship. But the audience
259doesn't meet Anakin until 45 minutes into the movie."
260Wrong. Anakin shows up at almost exactly 32 minutes into the movie. Anakin's
261resentment at being regarded as a "slave" and not as "a person," as well as his piloting
262skills and his dreams of leaving Tatooine are quickly introduced. Stoklasa could've
263made an honest mistake, or he could've been exaggerating to make his case look
264stronger than it really is.
265Plinkett: "And then the things that are happening around him are pretty much out
266of his control or understanding. If a protagonist has no concept of what's going
267on or what's at stake, then there's no real tension or drama. Without that there's
268no story. So the conclusion is that there isn't one." [very short clips of Anakin
269being dwarfed by the adult characters, and his eyes shifting around, are shown]
270Another biased portrayal of what happened in the movie. It's amazing how casually
271Stoklasa passes off false statements during his review, which can go undetected
272because most people aren't looking at everything so critically. He makes false
273statements about what is a main character's is thinking, and even about his very
274motivations. I almost let this one go myself, before realizing that it was completely
275untrue.
276Few people will disagree with the idea that Anakin wasn't handled as well as he could
277have been. But Anakin is clearly one of two main characters. Qui-Gon stands above
278the rest of the heroes in the beginning and the end, while Anakin is the focus of the
279middle portion of this movie. That middle portion focuses on Anakin's plight as a slave,
280the big podrace, and his painful parting of ways with his mother. He's knows what's
281going on - hell, he's the one who leads the way by stepping up and selflessly offering to
282race as a way to help the other heroes.
283The Naboo crisis was very simple (at least in the way that it appeared to all the heroes).
284Anakin is told that the other heroes are on a "very important mission" for the Republic
285early on during the dinner table scene. On the Naboo Royal Starship, Anakin is in the
286room while Padmé watches the hologram reporting widespread deaths on Naboo. To
287be fair he might not have been paying attention (he was suffering from the coldness of
288space at the time), but Padmé goes on to directly about the suffering of the Naboo
289people. Anakin stands next to the adult heroes during almost every scene on Naboo
290after that, while they were all planning their battle against the Trade Federation. He
291knew what was going on, and a few seconds of Anakin moving his head around (taken
292out of context) does not change that.
2936:22
294Plinkett points out that Obi-Wan doesn't really get much to do throughout this movie.
295Valid point. He was very underused and should've had more to say and do.
2966:52
297Plinkett offers the following challenge:
298Plinkett: "Describe the following Star Wars character WITHOUT saying what they
299look like, what kind of costume they wore, or what their profession or role was in
300the movie. Describe this character to your friends like they ain't never seen Star
301Wars."
302This is to examine the characters' personalities, basically who they are. According to
303Stoklasa, if you can describe a character at length without mentioning the above things,
304he/she is a strong character.
305RLM questions five different people, who alternate between original trilogy and prequel
306characters. They start with Han Solo. Mostly they repeat the same things: rogue,
307arrogant, charming. One guy points out Han's mean streak (shooting Greedo), but that
308he has a heart of gold underneath. All accurate observations. I'll let it slide that the girl
309calls Han "sexy" (her opinion, and also his looks), and that they call him a "womanizer"
310(something that doesn't show up until TESB).
3118:00
312Then they try the game on Qui-Gon, and the way they go about it isn't pretty. While this
313review had already resorted to a number of tricks to make its case, this is the point
314when the bias becomes truly blatant and outrageous.
315One guy says Qui-Gon is "stoic," and then acts as if he's struggling to think of anything
316else. The girl pretends that she doesn't remember who Qui Gon is, despite how much
317of TPM is spent following him. Yeah, right. More of Stoklasa's amateur actors (oops, I
318mean friends and regular people) put on a show to supposedly support his claim that
319Qui-Gon is a nothing, a blank slate of a character who can't be described in any way.
320It's one thing to think that the original trilogy characters were superior to the prequel
321characters (not an outrageous opinion at all), but to act as if you can't come up with a
322single descriptive word is just over the top. Not a single adjective...except for one guy
323who displays an ignorance of vocabulary by laughably labeling Qui-Gon as "stern."
324Qui-Gon Jinn, a stern man...
325No, Qui-Gon Jinn is most certainly not "stern." In fact he's the complete opposite, and
326can basically be summed up as an idealized father figure. Strong, brave, in control, but
327also kind and soft spoken. The type of man many people probably wished their dad
328would be like when they were kids. Qui-Gon is calm and patient when dealing with
329others, and he believes in the people he takes under his wing. He quickly saw Anakin's
330potential and believed that the boy would go on to do great things. His faith in Anakin
331was so strong that he trusted the boy to win the podrace and save the mission.
332Qui-Gon's personality is frequently juxtaposed with Obi-Wan's. Despite his relatively
333small part in TPM, many of Obi-Wan's scenes were used to reinforce a consistent
334portrayal of his personality. And that personality is a bit more uptight and critical, in
335ironic contrast to his older mentor. Obi-Wan is focused on business, while his mentor
336has a soft spot for helping people that they encounter along the way. For example, ObiWan
337wanted to leave Jar Jar behind (with Gungans who would "punish" him) as soon
338as the Jedi acquired a needed submarine, stating "Master, we are short on time."
339Qui-Gon wouldn't have it though, and went out of his way to save the annoying and
340useless Jar Jar. This comes up again later in the movie. When Qui-Gon went back to
341pick up Anakin after winning the hyperdrive generator that they needed to fix their ship,
342Obi-Wan asked "Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?" The 
343message is clear: Qui-Gon is compassionate, and is willing to take on additional
344burdens in order to help others.
345Qui-Gon was also clearly portrayed as a free-minded maverick, while Obi-Wan was
346more conservative, by the book, and submissive toward authorities. This portrayal
347started as early as the movie's first few minutes, when the Jedi were waiting to begin
348their negotiations with the Trade Federation. Obi-Wan brings up an old lesson of
349Master Yoda's, to "be mindful of the future." Qui-Gon reminds his pupil that it
350shouldn't come "at the expense of the moment," and that Obi-Wan should "be
351mindful of the living Force." So right away we saw Obi-Wan rather simplistically
352falling back on a teacher's old lesson, which Qui-Gon knew the limits of. Sensing the
353future implies meditation and far off thinking, removed from the actual world in front of
354you ("the moment," or "the living Force"). Qui-Gon was shown as someone who saw
355things for what they were, while Obi-Wan and the other Jedi seemed distant in
356comparison.
357Qui-Gon's differences with the rest of the Jedi Order didn't end there. Of all the Jedi, he
358was the only one who believed in Anakin (which goes back to his fundamental trait,
359which is his trusting nature) and wasn't deterred by the boy's age or natural feelings of
360fear and detachment, things which led the other Jedi to reject him right in accordance
361with their doctrines and traditions. Qui-Gon didn't care about the old doctrines though.
362He stood up for what he believed, and insisted on training Anakin. On the other hand,
363Obi-Wan said "Do not defy the Council Master, not again." He also tells his mentor
364"If you would just follow the code you would be on the Council," implying that QuiGon
365is an equal to his superiors on the Council, but that they have kept him down
366because he wouldn't follow along with what they've said. None of this swayed Qui-Gon,
367who answered "I shall do what I must."
368Later in the movie, on Naboo, Obi-Wan eventually apologizes for questioning his
369mentor's judgment. Not because he thought that Qui-Gon was right, but because "it's
370not my place to disagree with you." Rather than rub it in or assert his authority, QuiGon
371simply smiled and praised his apprentice. That's...completely different from the
372way that Obi-Wan would handle his disputes with Anakin in AOTC. Remember QuiGon,
373Obi-Wan, and the Jedi Council's portrayals as described in this section. TPM laid
374a lot of groundwork, and all of this stuff cuts to the thematic core of the Star Wars saga.
375All of this will also come up later, in my response to Stoklasa's review.
376Yeah, I sure struggled to find something to say about Qui-Gon. Couldn't describe him
377with a single word...instead I went on for several hundred.
3788:33
379They move on to C-3PO: Bumbling, prissy, anal-retentive, comic relief. This is correct.
3809:00
381Queen Amidala's turn. For the next minute, RLM's group of amateur actors pretend that
382they can't think of anything to say about Amidala. Just like they did with Qui-Gon. If it
383wasn't an act, then these people were either oblivious, or they didn't put any effort into
384this. Not because Padmé Amidala is an example of an expertly handled character, but
385because it's not exactly a tall order to come up with a single thing to describe her. So
386as I did with Qui-Gon, I'm going to have to refute the extreme and exaggerated claims
387that Padmé was an inhuman blank slate.
388It's far too easy to dismiss her as such though, based on her stone face and rigidly
389formal speech while in her Queen Amidala identity. I mean, just look at her:
390She's like a mannequin, or a creepy living doll. No personality whatsoever...if you think
391that's the entirety of her characterization, in total defiance of how she acted outside of
392her identity as the queen, then you aren't thinking this through at all. The question
393everyone should ask themselves is "Why would anyone ever choose to dress and act
394like this?" We know Padmé acts differently, and can actually express emotion and
395crack a smile when the makeup is off. The truth is that she feels trapped in her role as
396the queen. Why else would she put on so many awkward dresses and paint her face in
397ghostly makeup?
398Not long after the Trade Federation's invasion, Darth Sidious its leaders that "Queen
399Amidala is young and naive," and that they will "find controlling her will not be 
400difficult." In Star Wars, being young means being controlled and jerked around by
401various authority figures, both good-intentioned and manipulative. Anakin was a slave,
402and Luke was a farm boy with a cautious and fearful uncle who kept him from going out
403and seeing the world (or galaxy, in his case). In Padmé's case, she was the Queen of
404Naboo, forced (or believing herself forced) to live under all of the responsibilities,
405constraints, and formalities that come with that role.
406The caged little princess is not a new or unusual idea in fiction. It repeatedly shows up
407among Disney princesses. Those characters tend to deal with their constraints by
408sneaking out and seeking adventure and new experiences. And that's exactly what
409Padmé does in TPM, while posing as a mere handmaiden. When Qui-Gon sets off
410toward the city on Tatooine, Padmé gets her security guard Captain Panaka to convince
411Qui-Gon to take her along, not knowing that she is the actual queen.
412Captain Panaka: "The Queen wishes it. She's curious about the planet."
413Padmé was curious, because as had been clearly stated before, she's young and
414inexperienced. Seeing Tatooine (as well as Coruscant later) is eye-opening
415experiences for her, and she's exposed to things that she had never seen during her
416sheltered life on Naboo. Things such as slavery and dirty politics. But it's during and
417after her trip to Tatooine where we see bits of the real Padmé. She's sweet and caring,
418looking out for Anakin and comforting the boy.
419Padmé was easily the most inexperienced and least qualified of the movie's significant
420characters, aside from Jar Jar. Even Anakin, the only character younger than her,
421possessed more skills and had seen more of the real world than her (never mind his
422supernatural powers). But even though she was unable to handle her job, Padmé
423nonetheless took her duties very seriously. The tremendous responsibilities weighing
424down on her, as how much it tore her up inside, were shown by occasional moments of
425sadness. What does Padmé do when the Trade Federation's invasion army marches
426into her city? She sadly stares out the window, helpless:
427Now you can say that that reaction was dictated by the events, and that feeling sad
428about an invasion doesn't exactly set you apart. Which is true. However, it should be
429noted that Padmé is the only one of the movie's main characters to be shown reacting
430like that. And her helplessness was shown more than once. On Tatooine, she argued
431that "the Queen will not approve" more than once during disagreements with QuiGon,
432to no avail. Even Qui-Gon, the nicest and most trusting adult hero in the movie,
433didn't think much of the Queen or Padmé's opinions. Later on Coruscant, during the
434nomination process for a new Chancellor and with the fate of her world up in the air, all
435Padmé can do is forlornly stare out a window (again) and wait.
436But it is on Coruscant where Padmé begins to take control of the situation. Tired of
437waiting for the corrupt and useless Senate to act, she decides to go back to Naboo
438herself in an effort to save her people. And on Naboo itself, she finally casts off the
439queen and handmaiden disguises that she had been weighing her down. Without the
440makeup and costumes, she's finally free to be the person that she's capable of being.
441And it's this Padmé who makes the plans that the other heroes all go by. She's the one
442who leads the successful attack on the palace, capturing the Trade Federation Viceroy.
443So despite not being the movie's central character, Padmé does have a little arc of her
444own. She goes from scared and overwhelmed girl, with a strong sense of her duties but
445an inability to meet them, to a leader who takes charge of the situation. Her success, as
446well as Anakin's, highlight the movie's themes about young people overcoming their
447fears to pursue their potential.
448Now I'm going to go outside the scope of TPM in the next couple of paragraphs, and
449talk about AOTC, since I doubt I'll ever get anyone to read a lengthy analysis of Padmé
450Amidala again. But seeing AOTC after TPM, I was relatively impressed with how the 
451older Padmé tied into her younger self. In AOTC, Padmé repeatedly turns away help
452and seeks to be independent and self-sufficient. She leads the anti-militarization faction
453in the Senate. She initially refuses the Jedi's protection after the assassination attempt
454against her, and insists on making all of the security decisions (instead of Anakin, her
455assigned bodyguard) later on Naboo. She's also the one who takes charge and decides
456to save Obi-Wan, when Anakin had been reluctant to go because of strict orders from
457the Jedi Council. During the arena scene, did she rely on the Anakin and Obi-Wan to
458save her? No. While the two Jedi were still chained up, Padmé used a hidden lock pick
459to free herself.
460These are things that I would expect from an older, more independent woman, who had
461long since learned that she couldn't rely on others. But in AOTC, she still retains the
462serious devotion to duty that she had in the first movie, going so far as to cite that as the
463reason why she couldn't be with Anakin. Obi-Wan brings it up as well during the final
464battle. When Padmé falls from a ship and onto the desert, Anakin wants to give up their
465pursuit of Count Dooku in order to attend to her. Obi-Wan convinces Anakin to keep on
466going, making him admit if Padmé were in his position, "She would do her duty."
467So when people call Padmé a perfect little goody two-shoes, I think they're being
468simplistic. Padmé is someone with a strong sense of service, which she does her best
469to perform. But she's also sad, carrying the distrust and feelings of isolation that had
470been ingrained into her by the troubles of her youth.
471None of this long analysis is meant to "prove" that Padmé is a great character who you
472must love, or that she was even as "good" as the characters in the original trilogy.
473However, one could argue that she's deeper than quite a few original trilogy characters.
474At the very least, she can be described far beyond the biased and simplistic claims of
475the RLM review, which equates her with nothing.
476Part 2
477Stoklasa jumps right into a criticism of the plot, relying heavily on nitpicks.
4780:00
479Plinkett: "From the very start of this movie, I could tell something was really
480wrong. Just by the way it started."
481Stoklasa gives his own exaggerated and twisted version of the movie's beginning:
482He says that the movie starts off with a "boring pilot" (the woman flying the ship),
483leaving out the fact that approaching blockade of massive ships. Or that the pilot is
484sitting in front of two mysterious robed figures, who are seen only from the back. One of
485whom gets right down to business and tells the pilot that they "wish to board at once."
486The pilot hails the Trade Federation ship, and the alien leader responds by claiming that
487their blockade was "perfectly legal" and that they "would be happy to receive the
488ambassadors" (both lies, as he's clearly up to something and trying to buy some time).
489The reality is that the movie starts off by immediately presenting a challenge, along with
490sense of mystery and someone who takes charge and gets things started. It's easy to
491just toss out the word "boring," without actually explaining how or why the scene is
492boring, beyond some sarcastic remark that ignores everything that the opening scene
493was actually about.
494Stoklasa then goes on a ridiculous nitpick spree, criticizing the circular shape of the
495Trade Federation ship, the "flat angle" that the camera was pointed in for one secondslong
496shot of the characters walking into a room (really?), and how Obi-Wan and QuiGon
497are given some tea. Stoklasa claims that he was "bored already," sounding like
498an impatient child as we're only about a minute into the movie.
499But the scene that he described would be boring...because he left out all of the best and
500actually significant parts parts. Such as the Trade Federation leaders being terrified of
501the Jedi, comically sending a surprised protocol droid out instead. Or the hologram of
502the evil Lord Sidious, who looks and talks just like the Emperor from the original trilogy
503(and has the same theme music just to make that clear). Sidious is harsh and cocky,
504putting down the Trade Federation's cowardly second-in-command: "Viceroy, I don't
505want this stunted slime in my sight again." He also quickly reveals his powerful
506influence over the Republic itself:
507Viceroy: My Lord, is [the invasion] legal?
508Sidious: I will make it legal.
509The Dark Lord immediately oozes confidence and power. The very things that many
510people say they want to see in villains. But no, none of these nice little bits were worth
511mentioning, if you go by Stoklasa's description of the scene. It was just a couple of
512bored guys sitting around and drinking tea or something...
5131:00
514Stoklasa compares the opening of TPM to the opening shot of the first movie, Episode
515IV A New Hope (ANH). He claims that ANH's opening was way better because it
516conveyed information more quickly than TPM did, using a great visual. Specifically, the
517Imperial Star Destroyer's massive size advantage over the fleeing Rebel ship, which
518showed the power difference between the two sides of the war.
519Yes, ANH's opening visual is a classic. But carefully read the meaning in the sentences
520above: Rebels weak, Empire strong. Wow, that's some real depth of information, isn't
521it? RLM claims that "we know everything that we need to know just from the
522visuals." Yeah, we knew everything that we needed to know...which is why ANH has
523resorts to exposition later on, such as the scene in Obi-Wan's hut where he tells Luke
524(and the audience) about everything.
525This is the information that we get from TPM's beginning scenes which Stoklasa is
526bashing:
527ï‚· The Trade Federation is sneaky and cowardly.
528ï‚· Obi-Wan is young and inexperienced. He's conservative and falls back to
529mindlessly repeating the teachings of older Jedi who are in a position of authority
530over himself: "But Master Yoda said to be mindful of the living Force."
531Despite how underused Obi-Wan is in this movie, this point comes up later in
532TPM and has an effect on the later prequels as well.
533ï‚· In comparison, Qui-Gon is more experienced and independent in his thinking,
534and has a more nuanced understanding of things.
535ï‚· The Jedi have a fearsome reputation, and their very presence is enough to make
536the Trade Federation consider surrendering.
537ï‚· Lord Sidious is in a conspiracy with the Trade Federation. In addition, Sidious
538has a great deal of secret power over the Republic itself.
539The ANH scene that Stoklasa brought up is shorter because it says far less. Stoklasa
540isn't even talking about a scene. He's literally comparing an opening shot that conveys 
541nothing more than "Empire strong" to several minutes of scenes that provide much
542more information about the various characters and factions in TPM. So the comparison
543is silly and unfair. His entire presentation of TPM's scenes, which just so happens to
544leave out all the important parts, gives me the impression that he's being dishonest in
545what he chooses to talk about.
546By the way, TPM's first action scene comes about five minutes in, and that's with the
547trademark opening crawl counted as part of the run time. I mean wow, 5 whole minutes
548before the shooting and slicing begins. Who ever saw a movie like that?
5491:55
550Stoklasa talks about how the original Star Wars movie had classic archetypes, before
551comparing it to the Special Editions and prequels. He shows a brief clip of producer
552Rick McCallum describing the visual effects of the new movies:
553McCallum: "every single image has so many things going on."
554If you actually watch that clip of McCallum saying the above line in context, you would
555see that he was praising the complexity of the effects. But Stoklasa is using it to make
556this point instead: that the newer movies stuff way too much distracting crap onto the
557screen. And he's right, in some ways. For example he shows the Special Edition of
558ANH, which has an inserted CGI dinosaur blocking the screen for a second in the
559middle of old footage. But I also dispute his claim, as applied to other scenes. Stoklasa
560also shows a few seconds-long clips of prequel battles with tons of battledroids, as an
561example of too much crammed into the screen. Well, that's just his opinion I guess.
562Although it's clear that those battles were supposed to look big, and that the size of
563those battledroid forces looks just like the big armies in various historical epics. Which
564those their square troop formations and synchronized marching were supposed to
565emulate.
5662:58
567Plinkett: "So the film is called The Phantom Menace, and by the nature of the
568story there is no clear villain."
569It's a fair point. There are clear villains, but I can understand what he's getting at here.
570Sidious is clearly a villain, but stays mostly offscreen and shrouded in mystery. The
571Trade Federation are just patsies. But then he goes on to say...
572Plinkett: "How about a bad guy in the movie whose motivations are clear?"
5733:42
574Thus begins his next section, "Death and Space Taxes." Here Stoklasa asks a
575numerous stupid questions while complaining that he didn't understand the plot. A plot
576that wasn't very complex at all.
577But first, he points out an inconsistency: Obi-Wan is promoted to Jedi Knight (after
578being called Padawan throughout the movie), despite being called a Jedi Knight in the
579opening crawl. Fair point, albeit nitpicky.
5804:23
581Now, onto Stoklasa's questions about the plot:
582Plinkett: "So the Jedis are there to do what exactly? According to the opening
583title crawl, it was to settle a dispute over the taxation of trade routes. So what
584makes the Jedi Knights experts in intergalactic trade laws."
585Actually, the opening crawl states that they were sent to "settle the conflict." The
586problem is not the taxes but the blockade, because by then the opening crawl had
587already switched to the blockade, stating that the Chancellor sent the Jedi in secret
588because the Republic Congress was useless and just "endlessly debates" without
589resolving "this alarming chain of events" (the blockade).
590But OK, maybe he didn't read the text very closely (despite making a rambling 70-
591minute video review). The dialogue and character actions were enough to tell you what
592the Jedi are there for anyway. But we're still on the opening scenes, and Stoklasa
593apparently didn't pay attention to anything important there despite taking the time to
594whine about the circular shape of the spaceships. Qui-Gon states that "the
595negotiations will be short," because the Trade Federation are a bunch of "cowards."
596The Trade Federation's second-in-command is indeed a coward, telling Lord Sidious
597"the blockade is finished," and "we dare not go against the Jedi." See, if you were
598paying attention, you would have understood that the Jedi were there to put an end to
599the blockade, and were probably sent because the Trade Fed was afraid of them.
600Both sides were aware of that, but Stoklasa apparently wasn't. Despite having the time
601to splice together a near movie-length review, he couldn't be bothered to process two or
602three brief lines that clearly showed what the Jedi were sent there to do.
6034:40
604Plinkett: "So the Trade Federation have set up a blockade around Naboo, in order
605to stop them from getting space supplies. Which instantly causes some kind of
606crisis, that we never see [screech stop]...OK, I don't get it."
607One praise for the RLM review that I've seen on various message boards is how welledited
608the video is. However, these editing tricks are annoying and embarrassing when
609used to draw attention to points that are just plain stupid and wrong. Here's an example
610of it. Stoklasa screeches the sound to a stop as if he's making some kind of clever point
611here, when in fact he's not.
612Seriously, he doesn't seem to understand why a blockade would cause a crisis, and
613asks what that crisis is as if there's some kind of story that needs to be told about it.
614This is simply unbelievably. A blockade shuts down trade, as he points out. That
615obviously hurts a society, and at the very least a military blockade is a violation of their
616sovereignty.
6175:24
618Plinkett: "So if the Trade Federation were like merchants, moving goods and
619services around the galaxy, then why do they seem more like a military, with
620armies of robots."
621The evil corporation is a common movie cliché. Many scifi stories take that idea even
622further, with companies that are so powerful that they own private armies.
623Furthermore, the movie makes it clear that the Trade Federation controls physical
624territory and has Senate representation. They're another planetary government within
625the Republic, just like the Naboo. It's not like governments don't take part in business.
6265:34
627Plinkett: "However, if they were like a bureaucracy, that was in charge of
628overseeing and regulating trade routes, you'd think they'd be happy about the
629whole new space taxes."
630Here, Stoklasa actually speculates that the Trade Federation might be an agency of the
631Republic's central government. Sorry, but this is astoundingly dumb. If they were a
632government agency, they'd be working for the government. You know, those guys
633called "the Senate" or "the Chancellor." There was never any mention of them being
634a Republic government agency gone rogue. If they were a Republic agency, then the
635Chancellor would not be sending "ambassadors" to "negotiate" with them. The 
636opening crawl in fact describes the Trade Federation as "greedy," and it's mentioned a
637bit later that they have a "trade franchise." This suggests that they have a business
638interest in this, not some nonsense about trying to enforce tax laws.
639Stoklasa has time to make all this silly speculation, but he doesn't mention the easy
640explanation that actually works: That the Trade Federation is reliant on trade, and the
641taxes on trade routes are negatively affecting them. They're blockading Naboo as a
642protest to the Republic government. This idea instantly entered my fourteen-year-old
643mind as I was reading the opening crawl for the first time in the theater. But RLM, adult
644fanboy, can't seem to understand it.
645But you know what? Let's assume for the sake of analysis that part of Stoklasa's
646suggestion is correct. Let's assume that the Trade Federation is the one passing taxes
647here, despite the intuitive conclusion being that taxes on trade routes are harmful to the
648Trade Federation. So the Trade Federation passes oppressive tariffs over goods
649entering territory that they control (again, it's explicitly mentioned in the movie that they
650control territory). In real life, things like this can lead to similar taxes being passed in
651retaliation, kicking off "trade wars" with other governments...which sounds a lot like the
652"trade dispute" explicitly mentioned in this movie You hear about this kind of stuff
653between say, China and the West, even if you just casually skim through the news on
654occasion. In this scenario, the Naboo government could be the one protesting the
655taxes, by passing their own sanctions in retaliation or even pushing for the Republic
656Senate to make a ruling against the Trade Federation's taxes. The Trade Federation
657could then blockade Naboo under the reasoning of defending its own interests. The
658Naboo government would be forced to cease its opposition and sign a treaty
659acknowledging the validity of the taxes and promising to abide by them.
660That's not what happened, but it is another mostly viable explanation; which fits with the
661movie far more than Stoklasa's ridiculous and entirely unsupported suggestion that the
662Trade Federation is a government agency of the Republic's. And no, I don't expect
663anyone to think through all of this economic stuff while watching the movie. But while
664watching the movie, all you really have to know is that taxes are causing trouble.
665Anybody in the United States (the country where Star Wars originated) should know
666damn well that taxes can lead to conflicts; that is made clear in just about any public
667school's teaching of the American Revolution.
668None of this tax stuff is even focused upon by the movie except in single sentences that
669do nothing but briskly mention it. That's because the taxes are a mere MacGuffin, a
670motivating element of a nature that's totally unimportant to the actual plot of the movie.
671As I explained in the paragraphs above, this tax MacGuffin can work either way, no 
672matter who was passing the taxes and who was opposing them. Besides that, all the
673audience for this movie has to know is that the "greedy" Trade Federation is bullying
674the Naboo. Because a blockade is clearly a hostile and escalating act.
675
676Stoklasa nitpicks the MacGuffin, and then fails to provide a competent analysis of it.
677Instead, he just shoots off some ridiculous half-assed guesses and complains about
678how it doesn't make sense to him.
6795:48
680Stoklasa tries to cover his ass with some statements about how he shouldn't have to
681read obscure Star Wars Expanded Universe novels or comic books in order to
682understand the movie. Yes, the movie should stand alone. No, I didn't need to read
683any spin-off merchandise at all to understand this movie, so this is nothing but an
684excuse for his lousy analysis.
6856:30
686Time wasting skit where Plinkett goes off topic and pretends the he's a murderer (and
687rapist?) in some dingy basement. This goes on for over a minute.
6887:53
689After he's done playing psycho, he reiterates his stupid questions and goes over the
690opening scenes again. No, not the least bit decompressed.
691Plinkett: "what the blockade was about, who was getting taxed"
692Again, I will repeat things for Plinkett and the slow-learners out there: They are the
693Trade Federation with a trade franchise, and there are taxes on trade routes. Put two
694and two together. Alternately, it doesn't even matter who was getting taxed.
695RLM: "What kind of supplies were so crucial to the Naboo? What was it like,
696medical supplies? "Was there some kind of plague? Did they not have the
697capacity to survive on such a lush planet with a huge power reactor for one DAY
698without space trade? See, I would've accepted the idea of a mystery villain if the
699basics were at least clear."
700Look, here he is creating his own problems and mysteries again when there doesn't
701have to be any. Stoklasa is basically just making up the need for the Naboo to be
702denied some specific, all-important supply that's explained by the plot, when any idiot
703out there can understand the concept that being blockaded is bad. If a fleet of Chinese
704warships were to blockade Taiwan, would any normal person on the street be asking 
705what specific product is being denied to the Taiwanese? Would anybody raise
706questions about the significance of the blockade, if the Taiwanese can go "one day"
707without collapsing? No, because the big story that everyone would actually care about
708is the blockade itself, and whether it could lead to war.
709Stoklasa goes over the opening scenes again, finally showing some of the things that
710he conveniently left out the first time around while declaring the scene "boring" and
711focusing on such nitpicky crap such as the flat camera angle in one shot that lasted a
712few seconds.
713He points out how the droid that identified Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan as Jedi may have
714jumped the gun. The two of them were wearing Jedi robes, but other Star Wars
715characters who weren't Jedi have also worn robes (some of Stoklasa's examples
716weren't exactly robes). It's nitpicky, but overall a fair point I guess. It could be that
717robes are commonly associated with Jedi and aren't normally worn by most people in
718the galaxy, except on poor backwater worlds like Tatooine. But whatever.
7199:22
720Another irrelevant, off-topic skit where he pretends that he's going insane, and loses the
721ability to piece together coherent thoughts.
722Part 3
723Stoklasa continues his nitpicky and incredibly inept dissection of the movie's plot. In this
724part, he says some of the most shockingly stupid things that I have ever read.
7250:00
726Plinkett: "Now this is where it gets complex, my lovelies. So I think this is what
727happened, I'm not sure. But Palpatine wanted to create a crisis on Naboo, so that
728the naive young queen would propose a vote of no confidence for Chancellor
729Valorum. This would lead to Palpatine getting elected in his place, right? Like I
730mean, that's the plot? I think? So how does killing the Jedi or creating a
731communications blackout even get word back to the crisis that there is a crisis?"
732Here, we have another example of bad, lazy analysis. Once again, Stoklasa creates
733problems that don't have to exist, while ignoring or failing to realize the easy answers
734that are already available.
735The cowardly Trade Federation was ready to surrender and end the blockade once they
736got word that the "ambassadors" were actually Jedi. Sidious had to tell them to fight,
737because if they didn't fight then the whole scheme would end right then and there.
738The communications jamming is also easily explained. Sidious could have ordered the
739jamming, to buy the Trade Federation time until it got the Queen to sign an unequal
740treaty. A treaty that would nonetheless give them the legal loophole they would need to
741avoid quick punishment. Jamming the communications however does not mean that
742the Senate is unaware that there's a crisis; a member world that was already under
743blockade would be entirely cut off from so much as talking to others. Jamming creates
744an absence of communication which is obviously noticeable and undesirable. But even
745with something fishy obviously going on, the jamming could keep the details of the
746invasion obscured enough that the (corrupt and useless) Senators won't take immediate
747action. It also still allows Palpatine to put on an extended show as he "fights" the
748corruption and garners sympathy for being such a hero to his people.
7490:35
750Plinkett: "the Senate wanted to send an independent team to investigate whether
751or not the invasion was real."
752What the hell...did Stoklasa just say that? He doesn't mention that the investigation is
753suggested by the Trade Federation's representative. The clear implication is that the 
754"investigation" wasn't supposed to genuinely determine whether an invasion had
755occurred, but was rather intended to waste time and buy the villains more time. No
756doubt the "investigators" would be on the take from the Trade Federation. More blatant
757dishonesty (or honest but unbelievably incompetent analysis, pick one) from Stoklasa.
758This is the big geek hero that fanboys are holding up for his supposedly wonderful
759insight?
7600:45
761Plinkett: "I guess the testimony of two Jedi Knights wasn't good enough. Those
762were the guys that Valorum trusts enough to settle the whole dispute in the first
763place? That don't make sense."
764He leaves out the important fact that the Jedi did not testify at the Senate hearing, nor
765did Valorum even bring them up. It was shown, onscreen, that Valorum didn't make
766further arguments beyond a few initial statements because of the blue alien advisor
767whispering advice into his ear. The same blue alien advisor whom Palpatine pointed
768out as corrupt, and under the payroll of the Trade Federation.
769Why does Valorum take this crap? It's explicitly stated onscreen that he's weak, and
770mired in accusations of corruption. The other politicians have him by the neck, and he's
771too scared to stand up for himself. So a guy who's already in trouble and hanging by a
772thread, who has been advised to shut up, and who's so unpopular that the Senators
773jump at the chance to vote him out of office, is supposed to admit that he circumvented
774proper procedures and secretly (possibly illegally) sent some Jedi to strongarm the
775Trade Federation? Oh yeah, admitting to improper secret actions will REALLY make
776those allegations of corruption go away...
7770:56
778Plinkett: "So anyways, when, when the guys told Palpatine that the Jedis were
779there, he should've said this:"
780Stoklasa's Sidious Imitation: "Tell the Jedi that there will be no
781negotiations. Tell them that you plan to invade the planet next. And then
782send them back to Coruscant to inform the Senate."
783Plinkett: "Instead he tells them to do the exact opposite of what will help his plan.
784Like he wanted [Queen Amidala] to sign the treaty, right?...He seemed really
785intent on having her sign the treaty to make the invasion legal. So what if she
786was like a total coward and then actually signed the treaty? Like right away? 
787Then the crisis would be over and there would be no need for a vote of no
788confidence. See what I mean, this sounding like an eight-year-old wrote it?"
789Stoklasa once again provides laughable analysis, that either ignores or fails to think of
790the straightforward answers to his own questions.
791This guy seriously thinks that Sidious should've told the Trade Federation to admit their
792plans to the Jedi, and not even bother trying to cover their tracks...The whole point of
793the cover up and treaty was to shield the Trade Fed from the law so that they would be
794willing to go along with Sidious's plan and fight. Stoklasa seems to think that Sidious
795should've neglected these protective measures and told the Trade Federation to
796sacrifice themselves for nothing in return.
797
798And again, the Jedi were obviously sent there to help Naboo by providing intimidation.
799The Trade Federation's frightened second-in-command tells Sidious himself that "the
800blockade is over" because the Jedi are there. Now, what do you think the Jedi are
801going to do if you tell them to screw off, and that you're going to invade the planet that
802they're trying to help? They could walk off back to the Chancellor like Stoklasa
803suggests...or they could fight like they actually did in the movie. Only in Stoklasa's
804scenario the decision to fight is available for the Jedi to make on their own, and they
805won't be taken by surprise because they've just been warned of the Trade Fed's
806intentions.
807Finally, what kind of unbelievable ignorance does it take to believe that a crisis is over
808the moment a treaty is signed? War-ending treaties are just the formal way for one
809group to violently impose its will on another. Everybody should be able to understand
810that. The Nazis got treaties out of the people they invaded, was that OK and tolerated
811by other nations? Even after a treaty is signed, Palpatine would still be able to point out
812the Trade Federation's aggression, as well as the stupid lawyer crap that they're using
813to escape prosecution. He could present himself as the lone man fighting for justice
814against a bunch of other, useless politicians who refuse to stand up and do something
815to save Naboo.
816Simply put, a treaty would probably create an extended crisis, one which the Republic
817government would struggle to resolve because the Trade Federation would have legal
818loopholes, and a treaty that would likely have the Naboo "admitting" that they were the
819ones at fault. An extended crisis gives Palpatine the chance to build up sympathy and
820make himself look better. Now, if Queen Amidala shows up Coruscant (as she actually 
821does later in the movie), Palpatine would no longer be the highest-ranking Naboo official
822on the planet. He would lose a degree of control over the situation, and his plan would
823then be contingent on persuading Amidala to turn on her good friend Valorum and throw
824him under the bus. Also, there are now others there to speak for Naboo, with more
825evidence. This could potentially end the crisis sooner, and with less credit for that going
826to Palpatine himself.
827...You really have to be nitpicking to even analyze all of this so much. But if you're
828going to nitpick, then at least do it well. RLM brings the picky attitude, but he doesn't
829bring the intelligence and true depth of analysis that ought to come with good nitpicking.
830When you get so picky and delve so far into the nitty gritty, it just looks stupid when you
831can't even think things through correctly.
8321:40
833Plinkett: "So anyways, it's time to kill off the Jedi...oh good. How do they go
834about it? Well, they start pumping in an obvious deadly white gas into the room.
835This alerts them to danger. Well actually, blowing up their ship does...should've
836pumped in the gas first, then after the Jedis are dead, then blow the ship up?"
837If you actually watch the movie, you can hear the gas leaking into the conference room
838just seconds after the ship is blown up. It was a coordinated attack. Way to nitpick
839there.
840Stoklasa also nitpicks about how the gas wasn't of the odorless and colorless variety.
841Who the hell cares? It's a movie, people expect to see things.
8422:12
843Plinkett: "Also, moments earlier the Jedi willingly drank tea that was given to
844them."
845Qui-Gon: "I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as
846this trade dispute."
847Plinkett: "Hey, you guys got any rat poison lying around? Put it in the tea! Put it
848in the tea!"
849Once again, Stoklasa tries to create a problem out of nothing. In scene immediately
850prior to that, Qui-Gon said "I don't sense anything," that "these Federation types are
851cowards," and that "the negotiations will be short."
852Qui-Gon outright stated that he didn't pick up on any scheme. He also thinks of the
853Trade Federation as a bunch of wimps, and thought that things would be wrapped up
854without much trouble. He didn't expect anything and was complacent.
855So when the tea is brought in, the only thing he said is that he sensed "an unusual
856amount of fear." That's all he said, while calmly staying seated. So the Trade Fed that
857he already thought of as cowardly was somewhat more nervous and cowardly. Not
858exactly an observation that immediately leads to "they're trying to kill us."
859Jedi precognition obviously isn't one-hundred percent...which is ignoring the fact that at
860that point in the movie, the Trade Federation had not yet decided to kill them. The tea
861was sent out before the Viceroy even contacted Sidious. Only after Sidious appears
862does he tell the Viceroy to kill the Jedi.
8632:34
864Plinkett: "So anyways, then the dioxisin starts filling up the room, and then..."
865Qui-Gon: "Dioxis."
866Plinkett: "Hey wait a minute, how does Qui-Gon know what kind of gas it is before
867he smells it? Isn't that like a contradiction?"
868From the context, "Dioxis," is probably some fictional poison gas. When you see that
869stuff pouring into the room right after your ship is blown up, it's obvious that it's poison.
870Qui-Gon might have just stated the name of a commonly-known type of poison gas in
871the Star Wars universe, to immediately get the point across. What's he supposed to do,
872not err on the side of caution and scream poison gas in the seconds that he and ObiWan
873have before it engulfs them?
874In real life, if someone sees white gas being shot off during a riot, it's not hard to guess
875that it's tear gas. Similarly, if someone sees white powder leaking out of a suspicious
876package in the mail room, he's not going to wait to figure out if it's talcum powder. He's
877going to be screaming about a possible anthrax attack. Yet another nitpicky attempt to
878create problems that don't have to exist.
8793:13
880Plinkett: "So anyways, it's like the Jedi know that the droids are gonna open up
881the door in a very short time before they run out of breath. Because they don't
882immediately start trying to cut their way out."
883Hmm, perhaps the Jedi, knowing that "dioxis" usually achieves quick results, and
884concentrating their psychic powers, detected that droids were on the way already?
885Again this guy tries to nitpick and make up another problem that doesn't have to exist.
8863:31
887Plinkett: "Then the dumbest line in the movie is said:"
888Viceroy: "They must be dead by now. Destroy what's left of them."
889Plinkett: "What does that mean? Hey asshole! Why don't you leave the door
890closed for like four hours. And then if they try to cut through the door, start
891shooting them in the face. Then pump in more gas, and keep pumping it in."
892Another nitpick. "They must be dead by now" implies that the Jedi had already been
893left in that room for a period as long as, or perhaps a bit longer, than the gas usually
894takes to kill someone. The Viceroy thought that the Jedi were dead. So a movie villain
895underestimated the heroes, in an early fight. Uh...OK?
8964:11
897Plinkett: "So they open the doors anyways. And they let the Jedi out, and attack
898them with completely useless robots. Just tell them to leave, and that you don't
899want to negotiate. And then when their ship flies out of your spacedock, SHOOT
900it with lasers!"
901What the hell? The Trade Fed didn't open the door to let the Jedi out as if they decided
902to fight them. They thought the Jedi were already dead. And the Jedi were the ones
903who were attacking. As the Trade Federation's second-in-command put it:
904TF #2: "I knew it. They're here to force a settlement."
905Stoklasa's suggestion is just bizarre. Does he really think that the Jedi would just kindly
906leave after an attempt on their lives, through a controlled docking bay where their
907previous ship had just been blown up?
9084:26
909Plinkett: "Also we need to consider the fact that killing two Jedi who were sent
910there as peaceful ambassadors would be a pretty heinous crime in the eyes of the
911Galactic Senate. An organization that runs everything, including space taxes. I
912mean, you could just claim that they never got there...but now you've got the
913burned wreckage of their ship, inside your horribly burned docking bay."
914It's called a cover-up. And in the midst of all this nitpicking, Stoklasa doesn't consider
915easy answers such as the (clearly criminal) Trade Federation:
916ï‚· Cleaning up the wreckage and disposing of it.
917ï‚· Claiming that the wrecked ship was theirs, and was destroyed in an accident.
918ï‚· Denying everything and wasting time, while refusing entry onto the ship for
919any more personnel from the Republic.
920ï‚· Moving the freaking ship elsewhere.
9214:53
922The review goes into a new section, "Who's Doing What? Where? Why?"
923Plinkett: "Why are the [Trade Federation] taking orders from this mystery
924hologram again? What did he promise them that would be so worth risking their
925entire organization for? The location of the Fountain of Youth? A planet made of
926gold?" ..."Seriously, what was it? Oh, we're never told are we?"
927First few seconds of the opening crawl says the Trade Federation is hoping to resolve
928their tax problem. Is this guy so dumb that he needs a cheat sheet or something? The
929movie already wrote it all out onscreen.
9305:39
931Plinkett: "Darth Sidious can't really promise them future political favors, because
932it would give away who he is."
933I love how he just makes an unsupported claim like this and states it as fact. It's stupid
934to assume that any political favor Sidious can do for them would have to be done
935personally, in his true identity of Palpatine. That's because the Galactic Senate is later
936shown to be a huge, corrupt network, with politicians already bought off, or persuaded
937by the threat of accusations against them. All of which occurs behind the scenes.
938Palpatine can influence Senators with middlemen or even anonymously-delivered
939messages and rewards.
9406:02
941Another section comes, this one titled "I can't put enough quotation marks around
942the word 'story' so I won't try."
943TF henchman: "Sir, they've gone up the ventilation shaft."
944Plinkett: "How do you know that? I said how do you know that? Answer me,
945thing-in-the-mouth face!"
946Another lame nitpick. Because ships don't have security cameras and sensors, or
947another droid couldn't have seen them...
9486:22
949Plinkett: "Anyways, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon they end up in the hangar bay
950somehow, where the droid armies are being staged for an invasion. Why don't
951the Jedis just start fighting all of them, then steal a ship and head back to
952Coruscant to tell the Galactic Senate what's going on. It's not so crazy because
953later in the film they attempt to run the blockade and they make it through. The
954fact that they even tried that makes this a possible option."
955Read that quote. Seriously, read it. Take time to process the utter insanity involved in
956saying something like that. While nitpicking the plot and pretending to be a smart
957tactician, Stoklasa actually suggests a plan contingent upon "fighting all of them."
958Yes, this guy actually thought it would be smarter for the two Jedi to come out in the
959open and fight an entire army. That's just inconceivable, even by the standards of
960action movie heroes. Maybe not for Rambo, who must be the inspiration behind such a
961dumb statement. But while it's been a long, long time since I've seen a Rambo movie, I
962don't remember even him acting so stupidly bold.
963
964The Royal Starship they later escape the blockade with was small and fast. The Jedi
965got that ship on the planet's surface, without having to fight as many guards all at once.
966Stoklasa also conveniently left out the fact that Queen Amidala (whom the bad guys
967needed to sign the treaty) was on that ship. There's evidence that the Trade Fed wasn't
968shooting to kill then, because they were picking off small repair droids instead blasting
969the ship itself. None of which even needs to be brought up, because whatever they did
970with the Royal Starship came later in the movie and thus didn't figure into the Jedi's
971decision-making, at that moment.
972On the other hand, the ships that Stoklasa suggests the Jedi steal are huge, lumbering
973landing craft surrounded by battledroids, and being filled with even more. How fast
974does he think they can seize control of one of these big ships? When they reveal
975themselves, they'll be swarmed. The last time we saw the Jedi, about a minute ago,
976they were running away! And assuming that they can defeat the droid legions and steal
977a ship, how would they escape with it? The Trade Federation would have long been
978alerted that one of its own landing ships had been hijacked, and will blast it. The stolen
979ship would be coming out of an even bigger ship, at point blank range to its guns and
980tractor beams.
981...Great plan. Somebody send this guy to Afghanistan, I bet he'd have the Taliban
982wrapped up within a week.
9836:49
984Plinkett: "But instead Qui-Gon in all his wisdom thinks it's a better idea to go
985down with the army to quote 'warn the Naboo.'...Hey genius, if you're going down
986with the army, don't you think it's a little late to warn them about the army? And
987what the fuck are the Naboo going to do anyways? They don't even have a real
988army, just volunteers."
989Because it's impossible for the Trade Federation to land it's bulky landing craft outside
990the city first, to unload and organize their forces before making their attack? Possibly
991flying around the Naboo's defensive systems, which would probably be focused in their
992cities? The Naboo's defenses are weak but they did have fighter ships, as shown later
993in the movie.
994And really, even if Qui-Gon's plan isn't perfect, it's a HELL of a lot better than revealing
995themselves and going Rambo, as Stoklasa so ridiculously suggested.
9967:30
997Plinkett: "Anyways, so then for no reason they decide to stow away on different
998ships...Is this guy a ****ing retard?"
999Yeah, because when you're outmatched and want to sneak out, you shouldn't try to
1000minimize your presence in one spot or make it so that one guy can survive even if the
1001other one is caught. Stoklasa goes on to list a few reasons why splitting up would be a
1002bad thing. But again he either ignores, or fails to think of the easy answers, such as the
1003ones I just mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph. More horrible analysis from a
1004guy who thinks that he's far smarter than he actually is.
10057:46
1006Plinkett: "This is a minor thing, but what would going down on the planet on
1007separate ships accomplish? Let's think about this. Number one: increase the
1008chances of getting caught by one-hundred percent."
1009Or increase the enemy's requirements to catch both of you by 100%.
10107:57
1011Plinkett: "Two: Have no one else to help you if you get caught and get into a fight
1012with robots."
1013We saw the two Jedi's combined fighting power before, in a scene just a minute ago in
1014the movie. They were able to beat down a squad of regular battledroids, before getting
1015fought to a standstill by two Droidekas. Their combined fighting power didn't count for
1016jack when it came to dealing with so many droids, all at once. Oops, I almost forgot that
1017this is the brilliant tactician who thinks "just start fighting all of them" is a sensible
1018course of action.
10198:02
1020Plinkett: "Three: Increase the possibility of getting separated by hundreds, if not
1021thousands of miles by not knowing where the other craft is going to land on the
1022planet."
1023Maybe, just maybe, the Jedi prioritized redundancy, survival, and having SOMEONE
1024live to perform the mission, over sticking together for big fights that they wouldn't choose
1025to engage in anyway.
10268:15
1027Plinkett: "Then although the reason for them going down to the planet was to
1028warn the Naboo about the army, they decide to follow [Jar Jar] underwater. Why?
1029Why not just keep moving towards the Naboo city?"
1030Jar Jar brought up his "safe" and "hidden" Gungan city, and Qui-Gon opted to go
1031there for help. Stoklasa, in his shallow and single-minded analysis, argues that this is a
1032stupid inconsistency just because Qui-Gon didn't go directly to the Naboo city. Hmm,
1033maybe Qui-Gon rightfully predicted that the newly brought-up Gungans might have
1034something that could be useful, such as troops, communications devices, or at least
1035vehicles for quicker transportation? Stoklasa, master tactician and plot critic that he is,
1036thinks it would've been smarter to ignore this potential source of help and walk to the
1037Naboo city on foot, all while having to avoid being seen by the Trade Fed's army.
1038Imagine a guy named John, who drove deep into the wilderness for a camping trip.
1039Only after he got there, psychotic woodsmen destroyed his car and tried to shoot him.
1040John manages to lose them, for the time being. As he walks the dozens of miles he
1041needs to go to get back home, he comes across James. James won't be able to help in
1042a fight, but he comes from a camp full of other people just a few minutes away. Now,
1043John has the following choices:
1044a) Go to the camp for help.
1045b) Keep walking home by himself.
1046Which one would YOU pick? If John picks "b," then he deserves to be killed by the
1047psychos, so that his epic stupidity will be removed from the human gene pool. Even
1048with all of its flaws, society does not raise people to be this dumb. Even basic animal
1049instincts should guide you well enough to avoid decisions like this...
1050Which is why I have a hard time believing Stoklasa is even honest in his criticism. I
1051think that he's just throwing any crappy criticism out there, hoping that enough negative
1052sentiment from the sheer mass of words will end up sticking in the minds of unthinking
1053people. I suspect that he's just too lazy and careless to say things without making a fool
1054of himself.
10558:50
1056Plinkett: "This is also the point where the movie starts to officially fall apart."
1057(referring to the choice to seek help from the hidden Gungan city)
1058What, it wasn't falling apart before, as suggested by his nitpicks? But consistency and
1059logic aren't Stoklasa's priorities, apparently. He just wants to keep piling on the
1060dramatics.
1061Plinkett: (continuing) "This is the moment, when the Star Wars saga is now totally
1062damaged beyond repair. The lapses in common sense and logic begin to
1063compound on the movie, and now it is broken."
1064Let me reiterate, he is still talking about Qui-Gon's choice to seek help from the Gungan
1065city, rather than walk through swamps and battledroids to reach the Naboo city on foot.
1066He's adjusting his plan to try to take advantage of a newly-introduced factor. Wow, what
1067big "lapses in common sense."
10689:10
1069Some sick, off topic joke about running over a Korean family (complete with tortured
1070screams) end Part 3.
1071Part 4
1072As if he didn't nitpick it enough already, Stoklasa goes back and nitpicks the details and
1073motivations behind the invasion again.
10740:00
1075A new section, entitled "Invasion! Of boring." starts here.
1076Naboo Governor: "A communications disruption can only mean one thing:
1077invasion."
1078Plinkett: "So the Naboo seem to be on the case about this thing. The old guy
1079seems to know what's going on. And although they are a peaceful people with no
1080army, this asshole seems to be an expert on the process of planetary invasions."
1081Stoklasa once again grasps at straws in an attempt to create a plot hole. He doesn't
1082consider that an invasion is a perfectly good guess when you've already been
1083blockaded, and all your communications have just mysteriously gone offline. You don't
1084need to be an expert or come from a warlike society to make that kind of an
1085assumption. But as you should have realized by now, this guy is basically putting his
1086own ignorance on display.
10870:25
1088Plinkett: "So what exactly is the purpose of this invasion? It's almost like after
1089Lucas wrote the invasion scenes, he didn't really know what to do next?"
1090Stoklasa asks some stupid questions about the invasion again, even though he had
1091already beaten this subject to death in Part 3. Once again, he avoids mentioning the
1092actual scenario that makes sense. Once again, he can't connect the dots between the
1093Trade Federation, that's obviously in the trade business because of its trade franchise,
1094which probably means that they don't appreciate taxes on trade routes. It was clear to
1095me, starting from the opening crawl, that they were protesting with a show of force in the
1096hoping for a removal of the taxes. Not that any of this tax stuff was even important,
1097because as I said before it was a MacGuffin motivation anyway. Most people watching
1098this movie were just fine knowing that the villains were some greedy businessmen, and
1099that what was actually important was that they were picking on a small defenseless
1100planet.
11010:32
1102Plinkett: (continuing) "So he thought he'd make the Queen have to sign a treaty to
1103make the invasion legal. I mean why not? First of all, forcing someone to sign a
1104treaty sort of contradicts the purpose of a signature on a treaty. You might as
1105well just forge it if you're gonna make her sign it."
1106And here, the clearly self-assured and nitpicky geek once again displays an ignorance
1107of how things actually work. It's normal for the winning side to force a war-ending treaty
1108on the loser.
1109What Stoklasa doesn't mention in his nitpick spree is that while people may know damn
1110well that a treaty is forced, the fact that it is publicly acknowledged by both sides of a
1111conflict will often grant it a degree of perceived "legitimacy." Possibly enough for others
1112not to get involved, or to try to punish the Trade Federation for wrongdoing. Don't forget
1113that Sidious had already mentioned the invasion as an extension of the blockade plan,
1114and had assured the Trade Federation that he could "make it legal." The treaty, along
1115with backstage politicking and legal obstructionism, are obviously the means by which
1116he would protect the Trade Federation from legal prosecution. And that's without even
1117mentioning what the treaty might have contained; for all we know Amidala may be
1118required to "admit" that the Naboo were at fault or had provoked the invasion.
11190:47
1120Plinkett: "So meanwhile, Qui-Gon Booze and Obi-Wan are in the underwater city.
1121Qui-Gon is still talking about warning the Naboo that they're about to be attacked.
1122When he really doesn't know that they are actually going to attack them"
1123Qui-Gon: "A droid army is about to attack the Naboo"
1124Plinkett: "Then since Qui-Gon is jumping to conclusions and making shit up, ObiWan
1125starts doing it too."
1126What. The. Hell. My jaw just dropped when I got to this part of the review. Stoklasa
1127once again says something that shows that he's just clearly in denial of what's actually
1128happening. Qui-Gon doesn't know that the Trade Federation is attacking the Naboo?
1129Really? The ability to recognize clear danger when it happens is a part of basic
1130survival. Brain-dead thinking like this would get you eaten in the caveman days. I can
1131only imagine how this guy thinks this scene should have played out...
1132
1133
1134Obi-Wan: "Once those droids take control of the surface, they will take
1135control of you."
1136Plinkett: "First of all, the only thing that the Jedis know at this point is that they
1137were sent to settle a trivial dispute about taxing trade routes. All of a sudden ObiWan
1138thinks he knows the entire plan of the Trade Federation. How does he know
1139they plan to take control of the surface, and the underwater city too?"
1140...is this guy for real? The Jedi were sent to force the Trade Federation into backing
1141down! They already knew which side they were on. Obi-Wan is saying something in an
1142attempt to persuade the uncaring Gungan leader to help! Yet Stoklasa, either out of
1143unbelievable ignorance or intentional omission, doesn't mention that blatantly obvious
1144truth. His alternative speculations for what the Trade Federation could've been doing on
1145Naboo, other than invading, are amazing though...
11461:29
1147Plinkett: "Maybe [the Trade Federation] just wanna steal some kind of priceless
1148artifact from the Naboo. Maybe the Naboo did some kind of horrific act against
1149the Trade Federation and they're just getting some revenge."
1150Just half a minute after calling out Qui-Gon for "making shit up," Stoklasa throws out
1151his own ridiculous and wholly unsupported statements. Even if the Trade Federation
1152were trying to steal some artifact (that doesn't exist and was never, ever mentioned),
1153their army would still be invading! I mean, come on, it's not that difficult a concept. And
1154now the Naboo might be the aggressors? I'd totally believe that that's what the Trade
1155Federation would like for people to believe (and might have worked into their bogus
1156treaty), but for someone external to the movie, in real life, to suggest that is just beyond
1157stupid. We know for a fact that the Trade Federation is being "greedy" and is doing
1158this to resolve its tax issues (stated in the opening crawl). The Jedi were clearly sent
1159there not to act as impartial mediators without a clue as to who was actually at fault, but
1160to negotiate against the Trade Federation. They also just escaped being murdered by
1161the Trade Federation, before seeing the invasion army's landing! I think the Jedi
1162understand who the bad guys in this situation were, at this point.
1163Stoklasa once again embarrasses himself here, saying things which must either stem
1164from shameless dishonesty or unbelievable stupidity.
11651:38
1166Obi-Wan: "[The Gungans] and the Naboo form a symbion circle. What
1167happens to one of you will affect the other. You must understand that."
1168Plinkett: "Now what does that even mean?! How is a totally isolated city under
1169water affected at all by the Naboo being attacked by droids on the complete other
1170side of the planet?"
1171...He still doesn't understand that Obi-Wan is trying to persuade the Gungan leader into
1172helping. But in the idiotic world of RLM, there's no such thing as persuasion. Just ObiWan
1173standing there talking nonsense for no damn reason...people tend to assume that
1174others act just like they do.
1175For anyone still too stupid to realize that the Jedi were trying to get the Gungans to help,
1176consider the fact that they resort to a Jedi Mind Trick to secure that help in the same
1177exact scene.
11781:54
1179Plinkett: "Yes, I said the other side of the planet, because..."
1180Gungan Leader: "The speediest way to the Naboo is going
1181through...(taking an ominous tone) the planet core."
1182Stoklasa takes what the Gungan leader says literally and runs with it, pointing out how
1183the core would be far deeper, at the center of the planet under big molten layers. He
1184also uses the Gungan submarine traveling through the "core" to question why the Trade
1185Fed would have landed their troops on the other side of the planet.
1186All that...over one word spoken by a fat idiot from a backward society. Who was
1187explicitly shown to be weak minded by Qui-Gon's successful use of a Jedi Mind Trick in
1188that same scene. Who sounded like he was using a spooky nickname for the region
1189that they'd be traveling through, to ratchet up tension. Spoken words are not to be
1190taken literally all the time, and even if they were it was just a momentary thing.
11912:53
1192Plinkett: "Inside the city, Queen Amidala has been captured by the green guys.
1193But instead of forcing her to sign the treaty right then and there, or keeping her
1194locked up inside the big capital building under heavy guard, they inexplicably
1195send her away from them...Remember, this is the most important person in their
1196whole plan. And they send her to be 'processed' in some place called 'Camp 4.'"
1197Yet another nitpick, where Stoklasa puts no effort into addressing any easy
1198explanations before declaring the existence of a plot hole. Remember, this treaty is for 
1199presentation to the Galactic Senate, and the signing of it will thus have to appear at
1200least somewhat reasonable:
1201Viceroy: "The Queen and I will sign a treaty that will legitimize our
1202occupation here. I have assurances that it will be ratified by the Senate."
1203Amidala flat out refuses to sign the treaty, saying "I will not cooperate." The Trade
1204Federation Viceroy then replies by saying "in time the suffering of your people will
1205persuade you to see our point of view.”
1206So what is the Trade Fed supposed to do here, to get Amidala to sign the treaty "right
1207then and there" the way RLM thinks they should? Hold a gun at her head? Killing her
1208won't get her to sign the treaty, and both sides know that. Torture her? The whole
1209treaty signing is supposed to be the nice public facade to explain away this invasion, so
1210they won't be doing that to the Queen either.
1211In real life as well as Star Wars, treaty ratification clearly requires more than just the
1212head of state's signature. The Senate must also vote in approval of it, and that approval
1213is based on whether the senators believe that the signatory actually desires and
1214benefits from that treaty. Now, as I write this essay in late 2010, the START treaty to
1215reduce America and Russia's nuclear weapons has run into a roadblock in the US
1216Senate. The START treaty had support on both sides, went through all the proper
1217procedures, and was signed by Obama and Russian president Medvedev in full view of
1218the media. And there are still problems with getting the Senate to ratify it. You could
1219say that the treaty was stalled because of stupid politics, but that's something that the
1220Republic Senate also has no shortage of.
1221Now, imagine if some staffer just showed up one day with a mysterious "treaty" that
1222nobody had heard of before, with nothing but someone's "signature" scrawled on it.
1223Which at best was signed hastily under the threat of force without the involvement of
1224anyone else in the government, and at worst could be a total forgery...it's not hard to
1225believe that the Trade Federation might have wanted to at least put up an appearance
1226that the treaty signing had been done properly.
1227Nor does "Camp 4" even have to be that far away. If it's a few miles outside of the city,
1228the Trade Federation could get there within minutes.
1229Stoklasa doesn't seem to understand any of the above, because he's apparently
1230ignorant. He doesn't seem to understand much about how anything works, yet he sees
1231fit to touch upon a variety of subjects.
1232It's also funny that he thinks that the palace is a great place to hold the Queen, even
1233though the Trade Fed's forces had just rolled in. It's the Queen's house, in the middle of
1234Naboo territory. A city potentially full of hostile forces. Someone without a full idea of
1235the situation, such as Stoklasa, can't just decide that it's a secure and ideal place to
1236keep her. Even a quick and seemingly easy conquest can be followed by an
1237insurgency; in fact it's later stated onscreen that the Naboo security forces have
1238organized a resistance.
12393:25
1240Plinkett: "Oh, but at least they remember to send her with a whopping eight
1241battledroids to protect them from the two Jedis that they just discussed they had
1242not found yet."
1243Another attempt to create and play up mistakes. Yes, there were only a handful of
1244battledroids walking next to Amidala and her friends. Stoklasa doesn't mention though
1245that just 30 seconds before the Jedi rescue her, the Queen's group is walked past
1246numerous other battledroids as well as a row of tanks. There are battledroids
1247throughout the city; the Jedi are shown sneaking through the buildings to avoid them.
1248Qui-Gon waited until Amidala's group was walked into a side street before intervening.
1249The Trade Federation also just has a general idea that the Jedi are on the planet; they
1250didn't know how close to the Queen they actually are. It's not like they thought that the
1251handful of droid escorts around the Queen would be ALL the Jedi would have to fight.
12523:51
1253Plinkett: "You know, it really adds a lot of tension in the movie when the main
1254enemy forces are totally ineffective."
1255I won't deny it, the Trade Fed's battledroids are far from the best evil foot soldiers in
1256movie history. To be fair to them, they were around in enough numbers that the Jedi
1257felt the need to sneak around rather than engage them directly. The Trade Federation
1258has other units, such as the Droidekas, that were clearly strong enough to send the Jedi
1259into retreat.
1260But yeah, the standard battledroids are weak, and their voices don't help things either.
1261Criticizing them is a fair point.
12624:08
1263A new section called "Escape!! From the planet of boring" starts.
1264Plinkett: "Okay, so they free the Naboo air force, and they get on a silver jet thing,
1265to run through a blockade. Which again, I remind you, the point of a blockade is
1266to stop ships from getting through. So Qui-Gon Jinn could've very easily gotten
1267everyone killed."
1268So hero characters in an action movie show courage and confidence when facing
1269unfavorable odds...that's just unheard of.
1270Stoklasa, in his attempts to find stupidity in everything, calls Qui-Gon an idiot for trying
1271to escape the blockade. But don't forget that at 6:22 in Part 3, Stoklasa himself
1272suggested that the Jedi "just start fighting all" of the battledroids, steal a ship, and
1273escape the blockade. All while presumably fighting the numerous battledroids onboard
1274the Trade Federation ships he thought they should've stolen.
1275No, that's not the least bit inconsistent...
12764:41
1277Naboo Pilot: "Shield generator's been hit!"
1278Plinkett: "Ooh, then suddenly it's dangerous. Hey wait, just like knowing what
1279kind of deadly gas it is before you smell it, how does the shield generator get hit
1280while the shields are up?"
1281Stoklasa goes on grasping at straws to nitpick lines that are utterly harmless and
1282common to any scifi movie. Did he consider that hey, maybe the shields were shot
1283down by all the laser hits the ship was taken? Enough for a shot to get through, and
1284physically damage the shield generator underneath? No, that's too simple and sensible
1285to accept as an explanation...
1286Very short clips of the escape scene are flashed on the screen one after another, while
1287"Plinkett" utters a bunch of confused sentence fragments as if the scene in the actual
1288movie was in any way complicated. He doesn't have anything to actually say against
1289it...basically the scene is supposedly dumb because he acts like an idiot while flashing
1290clips from it.
1291Reminds me of how elementary school students tend to argue, by repeating the other
1292person's words in a stupid voice.
12935:15
1294STILL going on about the damaged shield generator...
1295Captain Panaka: "If we can't get the shield generator fixed, we'll be sitting
1296ducks."
1297Plinkett: "Okay, wait. How will you be 'sitting ducks' without a shield generator?
1298Are you implying that with the shield generator, you WOULDN'T be sitting ducks?
1299That you would be able to breeze through this blockade somehow? Doesn't that
1300defeat the purpose of a blockade if ANY ship with an operational shield generator
1301would suddenly not be a sitting duck and could go through the blockade?"
1302...I can't even fathom what kind of stupidity went into the writing of this part of his review,
1303carrying on and on over something as simple as the characters saying that their ship's
1304shields are down. Energy shields are a concept that was well established in Star Wars
1305already; how many Rebel pilots talked about their shields right before having their
1306fighters blown to pieces? Obviously, shields offer protection but aren't invincible. How
1307the hell does shields being helpful and desirable lead to Stoklasa's belief that with
1308shields, "ANY ship" can "breeze through" a blockade? That's quite a leap in logic
1309he's making there. This part of his review, more than even the others, gave me the
1310impression that he's just dishonestly trying to create any "mistake" that he can. He
1311seriously spends the better part of two minutes going on and on about the freaking
1312shields.
13135:46
1314Plinkett: "So anyways, R2-D2 sticks a thing in a thing and fixes the shield
1315generator. Then the [pilot] says 'Deflector shields up at maximum.' Okay, so that
1316suddenly relieves all the tension in the scene, and allows them to escape the
1317blockade."
1318Uh, yeah, it was SUPPOSED to relieve the tension in the scene, seeing as how the
1319heroes' Naboo ship escaped the blockade just seconds after the pilot says that. It was
1320a triumphant statement to indicate that they had gotten past that obstacle.
13216:00
1322Plinkett: "If you'll notice though, after the shields are back up at maximum, they
1323don't get hit again. So really, R2 fixing the shield generator did nothing at all.
1324Ma-Maybe it gave them the confidence to escape?"
1325I actually let this statement slide the first time I saw this part of the review. Then I
1326decided to check the actual movie for verification. Unsurprisingly, Stoklasa is making
1327things up once again. This is a screenshot of the shield generator's power display, right
1328after R2 makes his repairs:
1329
1330It turns from red to green, clearly indicating that power has been restored. As the pilot
1331says, "Power's back!" After that, the movie switches to show the cockpit window:
1332As you can see, a laser makes a direct hit on the window, lighting up the cockpit.
1333Seconds later, the cockpit is struck again by another laser:
1334Here is a shot right after the pilot declares "Deflector shields up at maximum."
1335A moment later, we hear a crashing sound, the ship rocks, and we see the cockpit
1336lighting up again from yet another laser hit:
1337But yeah, R2 really did nothing, according to Stoklasa's sloppy, dishonest analysis of
1338this scene. He tries to present himself as an insightful person, but apparently he
1339couldn't be bothered to observe what actually happened in the movie before opening his
1340mouth and attempting to nitpick the visuals.
1341And you want to know what else is pathetic about this portion of his review? All of the
1342above screenshots can be found in the same exact clips that Stoklasa used for this part
1343of his review. Visuals from his own review directly shoot down what he's saying.
1344This is the kind of crap that he gets away with, up until someone actually puts in the
1345effort to fact check him...God, I feel dirty for even closely addressing this ridiculous
1346nitpicking. Even assuming that what he says here is correct, it would've had no effect
1347on the plot. No normal person even thinks about this stuff while watching a movie.
13486:12
1349Plinkett: "So after showing no emotion at all about the droids being picked off
1350one by one, they inexplicably send R2 up to the Queen to get a pat on the head I
1351guess. She thanks the little piece of equipment like it's a person. Hey nobody
1352thank the ship, I think that did a lot more to help them escape...You see normal
1353people don't think of droids as people. Even the kindhearted Luke Skywalker
1354reacts with sarcasm when introducing himself to R2-D2...Would a Queen really
1355thank a droid? [mumbling]...maybe. Again, this is a film for babies."
1356More like again, Stoklasa talks up self-created plot holes, spending the better part of a
1357minute pointlessly nitpicking a little thing when there's nothing to actually talk about.
1358Could it be that different people in Star Wars view droids differently? We have people
1359who think they're tools, we have anti-droid bigots like the bartender in ANH ("We don't
1360serve their kind here!"), and we also have people who DO treat them as sentient
1361beings or even friends. Luke certainly showed concern for R2 later in Episode IV. As
1362for the Queen, we have rich women who leave their fortunes to their freaking pet DOGS
1363in real life. I mean wow, they're a little appreciative to the one droid that survived after
1364saving them. Big whoop.
13657:06
1366Plinkett: "Wait I gotta get this straight here, hold on. So, at this point, the queen
1367in the middle that's wearing black is the decoy, but the real queen is Padmé is in
1368the orange. So the handmaiden decoy then orders the Queen to go clean the
1369droid?...Did Amidala ask to be sent off on a menial task prior to this so she could
1370have a scene where she meets Jar Jar Binks? You'd think the real queen would
1371wanna hang out in the throne room area to stay current on any updates on what's
1372going on?"
1373Hmm, I don't know, maybe Padmé was asked to clean up the droid to help maintain her
1374disguise? Maybe Padmé likes to be released from the prison of her elaborate makeup
1375and dead-serious job once in a while, so that she can live like a normal person? Who
1376cares? As for staying current on any updates, it's not like the decoy queen couldn't just
1377call Padmé over, all the way from the other side of their small ship, if anything important
1378came up later.
13798:08
1380Another section, titled "I'm Gonna Slit My Wrists" starts.
1381Plinkett: "It's hard to stomach any more of this shit. I still don't know who the
1382main character is and why I should care about any of this. At around this point in
1383the original Star Wars movie, we've been with Luke almost the whole time getting
1384to know him."
1385What a liar. The clips from TPM that he's using to define "at around this point" are
1386the moments before the Naboo ship lands on Tatooine. That's about 29 minutes in. In
1387the original Star Wars, Luke doesn't even appear until 17 minutes into the movie.
1388Before that, we have a space battle filled with nameless grunts, before the movie
1389focuses on R2-D2 of all characters. The movie even digresses into R2 being stalked by
1390Jawas in the desert before being taken aboard their giant vehicle.
1391Stoklasa goes on to praise the original's focus on Luke, although he gives credit for
1392developments that come later, such as the deaths of his aunt and uncle (at around 40
1393minutes). Those are some valid points, and many people will say that Luke was a much
1394better lead character than anybody in TPM. But let's not exaggerate or ignore how
1395things actually went. Such as how Stoklasa thinks that "the whole time" is the same
1396as first appearing 17 minutes in. Although he's eager to play up any flaw in TPM, real or
1397merely perceived, he glosses over the original movie while wearing rose-tinted glasses.
13988:54
1399Plinkett: "And to top that we constantly have to question every single action
1400that's taken by Qui-Gon, the 'wise' Jedi. Almost every single line of dialogue
1401makes no sense."
1402Based on the quality of his questions thus far into the review ("Why don't the Jedis
1403just start fighting all of them"), I see little reason to care about Stoklasa's opinion
1404when it comes to the sensibility of Qui-Gon's actions.
14059:05
1406A clip of Qui-Gon is shown, as he directs the ship's pilot to land in the desert, instead of
1407outside of the Tatooine city.
1408Qui-Gon: "We don't want to attract attention.
1409RLM: "If you're trying to avoid drawing attention to yourself, then why are you
1410taking Jar Jar Binks into the city with you?
1411Fair point, although drawing attention to himself is not exactly the same as drawing
1412attention to the gleaming Royal Starship with the Queen inside of it.
14139:18
1414A clip of Qui-Gon speaking to Watto is shown.
1415Qui-Gon: "My droid has a readout of what I need."
1416This should be pretty simple and noncontroversial. Qui-Gon tells Watto that R2 has a
1417list of all the parts that they need. Just a brief, straightforward line, surely there's no
1418way that Stoklasa could spin this into more horribly off base analysis...oh wait.
1419Plinkett: "You say you took R2-D2 because he has the specs on the type of part
1420you need? But yet Watto seems to know what you're talking about, and you have
1421a thingie that shows it. R2 is never used for that purpose and does nothing at
1422all."
1423Now, if you watch the actual scene, what "Watto seems to know" is actually the name of
1424the type of ship ("Nubian"). And that "thingie" (which is pulled out in a later scene) is a
1425small handheld device which displays a simple 3D hologram of the ship. Basically just a
1426picture display, as far as we know. Not the same thing as a "readout" of all the
1427specific parts that they need, as Stoklasa deceptively or stupidly tries to make out.
1428That's like me whipping out a digital camera with a picture of a Toyota Camry, and
1429expecting someone to know all of the parts inside of a Camry. And not just know the
1430parts of a Camry, but the specific parts in my Camry that are damaged and need
1431replacing!
1432After Qui-Gon tells Watto the type of ship he has, Watto takes him and R2 out back to
1433look for parts. The movie stays with Anakin and Padmé inside the shop. More than a
1434minute later the movie cuts to Qui-Gon, R2-D2, and Watto in the junk yard, where Watto
1435talks names the specific type of hyperdrive generator that they need. It seems pretty
1436obvious that R2 showed him the readout sometime over that unseen time period.
1437Yet another example of Stoklasa reaching hard in the search for more things to
1438complain about. Yet another claim of his refuted by simple fact checking.
14399:35
1440Plinkett: "The two most effective, clear-minded, logical guys [Obi-Wan and
1441Captain Panaka] stay on the ship and wait."
1442Maybe to protect the supposed Queen, who also stayed on the ship?
1443Part 5
14440:00
1445Another section begins, with a title so stupidly long that I'm not going to even bother
1446typing it here. But Stoklasa does launch into some new points, which I will respond to:
1447Plinkett: "At this point I realize who The Phantom Menace is. No, it's not [George
1448Lucas]. It's Qui-Gon Jinn. His character is totally baffling to me, and I do not
1449know why he's in this movie."
1450Funny, because his role as the kindly father figure to Anakin was pretty clear cut. But
1451as shown all the way back in Part 1, Stoklasa is so clueless (or dishonest) that he
1452doesn't even TRY to describe Qui-Gon, and pretends as if nothing can even be said of
1453him. Oh yeah, except for that laughably incorrect label of "stern."
1454Plinkett: (continuing) "If you ask me, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi should've
1455been combined to form a new character, called 'Obi-Wan Kenobi.' Obi-Wan
1456should've been the younger, eager, adventurous Jedi, who found Anakin, formed
1457a bond with him, and then really wanted to train him in the Jedi arts when Yoda
1458told him 'no.' Instead Obi-Wan, who seemed totally irritated with Anakin the
1459whole movie, suddenly wants to train him at the end, only because Qui-Gon said
1460to."
1461And because Stoklasa completely missed the clear character role that Qui-Gon played,
1462he seems to totally miss the whole point of the movie, and indeed the trilogy.
1463The handling of Obi-Wan Kenobi in TPM was far from perfect, and I myself thought that
1464he was should've been given a much bigger part in this movie. But as I brought up
1465before (on pages 16-17) TPM does establish some things about him, which are
1466important when looking at the entire Star Wars series. Again, Obi-Wan is younger but
1467ironically more conservative than his hippie mentor Qui-Gon. Unlike his free-thinking
1468master, Obi-Wan is more comfortable working within the confines of the system, and he
1469has a greater respect for the authority of the Jedi Council.
1470And as I explained before, Qui-Gon is a foil for him. Qui-Gon is the gentle, soft-spoken
1471father figure who genuinely believes in his students/children, and is supportive of them.
1472His methods of conflict resolution are completely different from the critical and
1473uncompromising ways that Obi-Wan would use to deal with Anakin in AOTC. Qui-Gon
1474is the nice guy that a lot of kids wanted their dad to be like. For a kid like Anakin, who 
1475grew up without a real dad, Qui-Gon would come across as an "ideal" father figure. Of
1476all the Jedi, Qui-Gon was the only one who truly believed in Anakin...but Qui-Gon dies
1477prematurely. That's another devastating loss to Anakin, after already being taken away
1478from the mother that he was so attached to.
1479Obi-Wan faithfully subscribing to the Jedi Council's opinions and doctrines, and being
1480reluctant to train Anakin himself, are the reasons why he doesn't believe in his student
1481in the later movies. He certainly didn't trust Anakin, and only trained him out of
1482obligation to his deceased mentor. As a more conservative and authoritarian Jedi, ObiWan
1483is stricter with Anakin, and comes down harder when his student defies him. If
1484you're looking for someone to apply the word "stern" to, it's Obi-Wan in AOTC.
1485I'm going outside the scope of this review (which is about TPM) by mentioning this, but
1486you can even see the themes and character arcs deepening even more when you take
1487the prequels and continue on to the original trilogy. One of the themes of Star Wars is
1488breaking free from the constraints of your parents to achieve your true potential. ObiWan
1489was hardly a perfect father figure to Anakin, the Jedi Council is portrayed as
1490stagnant and out of touch, Uncle Owen wanted to keep Luke tied down to the farm, and
1491Vader wanted to turn Luke to the Dark Side. The father figures who are portrayed
1492positively are the ones who guide their children, but also believe in them and encourage
1493them to achieve greater things on their own. Like Qui-Gon. Or like how old Obi-Wan
1494(lying aside) acted toward Luke. After the horrors that he faced in Revenge of the Sith,
1495Obi-Wan realized the error of his ways:
1496Obi-Wan: "I have failed you Anakin. I have failed you."
1497Anakin failed because he gave in to his own poisonous fear and anger (another theme
1498of the series), but that was exacerbated by Obi-Wan's strict attitude toward him.
1499So Obi-Wan goes to Tatooine, where he receives training from the ghost of Qui-Gon
1500Jinn. It's clear that Obi-Wan mellowed out in his later years, and became more like his
1501old master. Knowing better this time around, he mentored Luke differently, leading to
1502Luke achieving great things.
1503...Anyway, that is the point of Qui-Gon's character, and why he was put into the movie.
1504He's there as an example of what the Jedi Order should've been. He's a good man who
1505tragically didn't live to do what he needed to do. He's the root source of redemption for
1506Obi-Wan, Yoda, eventually even Anakin. 
15070:47
1508Plinkett: "If they did have to have Qui-Gon, they should've had him on the ship,
1509just like meditating the whole movie, saying very little, and just being wise. Then
1510when Qui-Gon dies, Obi-Wan is left to move on without an older, wiser voice of
1511reason. Thus setting the stage for a poorly-trained Anakin."
1512Wow. Stoklasa suggests an alternate plot, which basically does the same things as the
1513actual plot of the movie (Qui-Gon is killed off, leaving Anakin in Obi-Wan's flawed
1514hands), but with all of the nuance and meaning stripped away from the story. Instead of
1515a metaphor for actual father-son relationships, or themes about becoming more openminded
1516and freeing yourself to achieve your potential...we have Obi-Wan just plain
1517sucking and Anakin being a crappy Jedi. What's even supposed to build up Anakin's
1518resentment of Obi-Wan and eventual betrayal in RLM's suggested story? According to
1519his alternative, Obi-Wan is the one sticking up for Anakin!
1520An improved Episode I would've kept Qui-Gon as the kindly and prematurely killed
1521father figure, while also giving Obi-Wan a larger role with more scenes. Not this crap
1522where Qui-Gon is uninvolved, and Obi-Wan and Anakin are just stupid (written by some
1523fanboy who suggests Rambo fighting tactics, finds some way to bitch about shields
1524being knocked out in a scifi movie with spaceships, and has trouble telling the difference
1525between a "readout" and a picture).
15261:13
1527Plinkett: "So for no reason, Obi-Wan is the one who does not want to defy the
1528Council."
1529Yeah, because setting the character up as a conservative, by-the-book guy who
1530believes in authority, and is therefore distrustful of Anakin later on is "no reason." But
1531these are the words of someone who seems completely clueless and unaware of the
1532main themes of the Star Wars saga.
15331:24
1534Plinkett: "Then the older wiser Jedi's the opposite of what he should be. Let's
1535break down Qui-Gon. All the way to his Midichlorians."
1536Oh boy, more analysis of the character from the guy who can't even describe him
1537outside of an incorrect usage of the word "stern."
15381:32
1539Plinkett: "Number one. He has very questionable moral values. Qui-Gon Jinn
1540repeatedly uses his Jedi Mind Trick to his advantage. Whether it's to get Boss
1541Nass to give him a Bongo...which they completely trash, to use worthless money
1542to scam Watto out of his ship parts...
1543Qui-Gon: "Credits will do fine." [attempts Jedi Mind Trick]
1544or to fix a legitimate bet to his advantage. It's generally wrong to do these things,
1545wouldn't you say?"
1546Good God. After displaying his gross ignorance of such subjects as military tactics and
1547politics, Stoklasa now moves on to discussing ethics. Yeah, Qui-Gon uses his Jedi
1548Mind Trick to fool people. Given the context in the movie, so what?
1549That Bongo submarine was needed to save the Naboo. Oh yeah, I forgot, based on his
1550inept reading of that scene, Stoklasa apparently didn't think the Jedi had reason to
1551believe that the Trade Federation was invading, despite surviving attempts on their lives
1552and seeing the invasion army itself!
1553Procuring the needed ship parts was another just cause. Watto didn't want Republic
1554credits because that currency apparently isn't used on Tatooine. But even money that's
1555hard to convert into usable form could potentially be converted. Excuse Qui-Gon for
1556trying to pay in some form.
1557And Qui-Gon used his telekinesis on a rolling die to fix his bet with Watto in order to free
1558a slave. Wow, what a horrible thing to do...If you're some ignoramus with no
1559understanding of anything that he's talking about.
15602:01
1561Plinkett: "You can argue that the ends justify the means, but if that's the case
1562then why didn't Qui-Gon just steal the part from Watto? He can sneak in, in the
1563middle of the night and just take the part."
1564It's really funny that Stoklasa thinks it's just a singular "part" that's needed, and that
1565Qui-Gon can just pick it up and walk off with it. In the movie, they clearly use the plural
1566"parts." Imagine someone owning a private airplane, which suffers serious damage to
1567major systems such as the engine. Would you think that this person could just walk into
1568a store and shoplift the part he needed?
15692:11
1570Plinkett: "Or, take it by force. And I don't mean that kind of Force, I mean choke
1571Watto while Padmé grabs the part and they run out of the shop. Basically, it's the
1572same as trying to trick him into accepting a worthless currency for the part. In
1573the end Watto's just out of the part."
1574No, it's not nearly the same. Stoklasa actually suggests that Qui-Gon that Qui-Gon
1575violently choke someone out. Who the hell does he think Qui-Gon is?
1576...I shouldn't even have to explain how stupid and out of character that is. And no,
1577assaulting or murdering someone isn't the same as trying to buy something with him
1578using currency that's hard to exchange. Stoklasa sees fit to comment on Qui-Gon's
1579ethics, when he himself seems to think in unbelievably simplistic, black-and-white terms.
1580He also apparently believes that Padmé is capable of just picking up the "part", and
1581running off with it. But we had already been shown one of the parts earlier in the movie:
1582Doesn't exactly fit in the palm of your hand, does it? But I guess it's reasonable to
1583assume that Padmé, a small teenage girl, can just grab this thing (along with a bunch of
1584other stuff) and run off with it all. I mean, we see her doing exactly that later in the
1585movie, when they return to the ship with all the parts they need:
1586And what happens after they grab the parts? If they had done things as Stoklasa
1587suggested, then Qui-Gon would have physically assaulted someone. If they don't
1588murder Watto in cold blood (which is completely out of character), then Watto would be
1589screaming for help. So much for avoiding attention. And who is going to respond?
1590Based on lines before and after this scene, Hutt crime cartels are the ones enforcing the
1591"law" on Tatooine. And our "heroes" (if you can still call them that after brutally 
1592attacking a shopkeeper) would have to escape while hauling what could be hundreds of
1593pounds in parts through the desert. Yeah, this is so much better than trying to subtly
1594trick Watto into accepting Republic money.
15952:26
1596Plinkett: "This also leads me to believe that Qui-Gon Jinn is incredibly stupid. He
1597could've just went to another junk dealer and used his Jedi Mind Trick to swap
1598out the Republic credits for money that Watto would take."
1599The Jedi Mind Trick is not a guaranteed to work every time. The first time it's used, on
1600Stormtroopers in ANH, Old Obi-Wan explicitly states that it worked because the
1601Stormtroopers were "weak minded." It didn't work on Jabba, and it didn't work on
1602Watto just now.
1603Furthermore, the price that Watto set for the needed parts was huge. So expensive that
1604he stated
1605Watto: "You might as well buy a new ship. It would be cheaper, I think."
1606That makes sense since the Royal Starship is probably a high-performance ship
1607compared to more common civilian vehicles. Anyway, the Jedi Mind Trick is a "trick"
1608after all, and not complete mind control. It is a suggestion that the Jedi briefly gets
1609someone to believe. If Republic credits are in fact completely useless on Tatooine (as
1610Shmi later explains at her dinner table, "The Republic doesn't exist out here"), then
1611asking another dealer to swap out huge amounts of Tatooine money for Republic
1612credits might be so ludicrous that Qui-Gon could never hope to trick someone into
1613believing it. It's one thing to get a Stormtrooper to think that a couple ordinary-looking
1614droids are of no interest, or to get the Gungan leader to make one small gesture of
1615generosity. It's quite another to tell a shop dealer to give away a large sum of his own
1616money for no benefit. And even if the trick did work, how long would it last? I seriously
1617doubt the Jedi Mind Trick is permanent.
1618It helps if the trick's suggestion could be reasonably believed after the Jedi's
1619manipulation has worn off, or easily glossed over even if the trick fails. But if Qui-Gon
1620had done what Stoklasa suggested, then in short time whatever dealer he blatantly
1621ripped off would realize what had happened.
1622Plinkett: "In fact when they arrive in town he says
1623Qui-Gon: "We'll try one of the smaller dealers."
1624Plinkett: "Smaller dealers. Well that implies there's larger ones."
1625Yeah, larger dealers that Qui-Gon clearly wanted to avoid. Seriously, Stoklasa's not
1626even processing the very words that he's quoting. Qui-Gon says that line upon walking
1627into Mos Eisley and turning his head around for a few seconds. It's obvious that he
1628didn't do a full analysis on all the dealers in the city. He was just suggesting a course of
1629action, and picked the first smallish-looking dealer that he saw. Yet Stoklasa is taking
1630that casual statement literally. He has no real information on what other dealers there
1631are in the city.
1632So, for Stoklasa's plan to make sense:
16331. There would have to be bigger dealers in the area, who have large sums of
1634money on hand.
16352. These dealers would not only have to be weak-minded enough to be Mind
1636Tricked, but be fooled into accepting a completely ridiculous suggestion that they
1637swap their Tatooine money for "worthless" Republic money.
16383. The Mind Trick has to last long enough for these people not to realize it later
1639and retaliate or call for help, while Qui-Gon hauls numerous large parts through
1640the desert.
1641And you know what? Even if all these conditions were valid, it's not like Qui-Gon didn't
1642try anything else. After leaving Watto's shop, the movie cuts to sometime later. We see
1643Qui-Gon talking with Obi-Wan about possibly bartering the ship's supplies or the
1644Queen's wardrobe for the needed part. When they decide that that wouldn't work, QuiGon
1645and his companions continue through the city and meet Anakin again. It's only a
1646short time later that a sandstorm forces them to into Anakin's house. And by then, QuiGon
1647has detected something special from Anakin and was therefore interested in also
1648securing the boy's freedom. Which is why he sticks around and tries to work Watto
1649some more.
16502:45
1651Plinkett: "Watto tells him he's the only guy in town who's got the part."
1652Watto: "And no one else has a T-14 hyperdrive, I promise you that."
1653Plinkett: "Now either Watto is using an older than dirt sales tactic, or Qui-Gon can
1654really pick out which shop to go to randomly. Oh wait. I guess Midichlorians told
1655him where to go so that he could find the boy. Oh it was destiny or something."
1656Destiny, or not wasting time? What's even the point of saying this? Does Stoklasa
1657think that the movie would be better served with time-wasting scenes of Qui-Gon going
1658to other dealers, none of whom have the needed parts?
16593:08
1660Plinkett: "Hey here's another idea! Why don't you trade the Naboo cruiser for a
1661less fancy but functional ship?"
1662That involves finding a ship dealer sometime between leaving Watto's shop and being
1663forced into Anakin's house by a sandstorm. A ship dealer with a working and
1664trustworthy ship, one that he's willing to trade in for a damaged and nonfunctioning one.
1665This suggestion also requires that Qui-Gon tell yet another person about his ship, which
1666while damaged is still a luxury brand. As well as telling the ship dealer where he can
1667pick up the Royal Starship, at which point he would have to hide the Queen and her
1668people. No, not suspicious at all...remember that whole thing about not drawing
1669attention?
16703:15
1671Plinkett: "Or maybe hire a transport."
1672A short clip is shown, of Old Obi-Wan hiring Han in ANH.
1673Plinkett: "Pay them all the money you have now and then promise more when you
1674get to Coruscant."
1675Yes, pay with Republic money that's considered no good at all on an Outer Rim world
1676like Tatooine.
1677Plinkett: "Sound familiar? Someone who's like, uh, a transport ship captain or a
1678smuggler would have use for Republic credits, because they travel around the
1679galaxy. Probably go to other spaceports. You know, makes sense."
1680Spaceport or not, they had already established that Republic credits were useless on
1681that world. If the various economies were so open and intertwined at that point in time,
1682then you'd expect that Republic credits would be more useful through something called
1683currency exchanges. Tatooine's situation in TPM is very different from its situation in
1684ANH, where it appeared to have been annexed by the Empire.
1685And oh yeah, it makes total sense to put the Queen in a shady criminal's hands, and
1686ask that he take all of her handmaidens and bodyguards as well. Not quite the same
1687thing as one old man and a farm boy.
16883:35
1689Plinkett: "But instead of using the most common sense approach to anything,
1690Qui-Gon concocts some convoluted scheme so that we could get to the pod race.
1691I honestly still don't understand it."
1692This is it folks. The dumbest and most idiotic part so far in an already idiotic review. If
1693Stoklasa is for real here, then he's a complete imbecile.
1694He spends almost the next two minutes trying to say that Qui-Gon's deal with Watto
1695makes no sense, and he does it in the most idiotic and obnoxious way that he can. He
1696starts by playing some "funny" sounding music...because anything is automatically
1697stupid if you play goofy music over it, right? Stoklasa proceeds to make a whole lot of
1698jumpy video cuts through the scene where Qui-Gon negotiated Anakin's participation in
1699the race, leaving out bits here and there no doubt in an attempt to make things seem
1700more hazy than they really are. He then starts uttering a whole stream of stupid things,
1701which don't even qualify as complete sentences since he deliberately cuts his thoughts
1702short and skips around without making any points. Oh yeah, he also edits the sound so
1703that his stupid sentence fragments simultaneously play over each other. Despite
1704how thorough I've been in quoting him so far, I'm not going to even attempt to type out
1705the incoherent nonsense that he spews here. It's way too jumpy and stupid to quote,
1706but watch the video for yourself to witness the stupidity.
1707Qui-Gon's dealing isn't all that complicated. In fact it's all clearly stated onscreen, and I
1708understood it perfectly fine the first time I watched this movie in the theater. The most
1709ironic thing is that even in Stoklasa's biased recounting of the negotiations, you can
1710clearly tell what was being negotiated (before Stoklasa goes over the top with his
1711clipped and overlapping sentence fragments).
1712This guy is an idiot for claiming not to understand a plot written so simply that children
1713can get it. He wastes two minutes not making a single valid point. He's basically all
1714style and no substance, except that I wouldn't even give him "style" here because his
1715intentionally skewed quick cutting and stupid music are so obnoxious. It all looks and
1716sounds like garbage.
1717If you actually sat through this segment of RLM's review and came away thinking that
1718his review was "perfect," "insightful," or "well edited" (all things I've seen people saying
1719on the internet), then shame on you for praising this dishonest audiovisual trash.
17205:29
1721Stoklasa begins a new section, entitled "10. Anakin Skywalker." Despite the title, he
1722quickly veers away from the subject of Anakin.
1723Plinkett: "No one likes little kids, especially ones that can't act."
1724A fair subjective point. However, I understand why Lucas started with Anakin so young.
1725It sets the character up in his later years, by showing the idealistic dreams and
1726ambitions that are at his core. It better contrasts with his adulthood as Darth Vader,
1727when he acted on his dreams but ironically compromised everything he once stood for.
1728The whole thing about how Anakin can't let go of his mother wouldn't work as well if he
1729were older. But I don't have a problem admitting that some scenes with the character
1730were mishandled, or that Jake Lloyd's acting had its issues.
17315:46
1732Plinkett: "The way they have it is that Anakin and his mom live in a comfy little
1733hut, and if they leave there's a bomb in their brain."
1734Shmi: "Any attempt to escape..."
1735Anakin: "and they blow you up."
1736Plinkett: "I think that's the worst plot device ever shoved into a movie for
1737convenience."
1738Why? This is pure unsupported opinion. Stoklasa criticizes something but doesn't
1739provide any reasons to actually make his opinion convincing.
1740The explosive tracking devices serve the plot, and they make sense. If people are
1741willing to put shock collars on pet dogs in real life, then why wouldn't a slave owner put
1742explosive implants in his slaves?
17436:00
1744Plinkett: "What purpose did Shmi Skywalker serve to Watto? She cleans her own
1745dishes?"
1746I don't know, and I don't care. We saw her at night after her duties were presumably
1747done for the day. During a sandstorm that had forced everyone indoors, no less. Does
1748it matter one bit if the movie didn't elaborate on Shmi's daily chores?
17496:06
1750Plinkett: "Oh and then let's move on to this. What about the idea that Anakin is
1751the one who built C-3PO?"
1752I myself thought that C-3PO's cameo in TPM was unnecessary. It was a minor
1753additional bridge between the original and prequel trilogies, that felt odd because of the
1754idea of Vader and C-3PO knowing each other back in the day. But it was such a small
1755thing, and I didn't really care one way or another.
1756Stoklasa's criticisms of C-3PO's cameo are much dumber though. He doesn't just stick
1757with a safe and subjective position like "It seemed weird and unnecessary." Instead, he
1758provides more stupid nitpicks which aren't even justified.
17596:17
1760Plinkett: "This is wrong for so many reasons. I'm gonna list three of them. So the
1761idea is that Anakin built C-3PO to help his mom around the house.
1762Anakin: "He's a protocol droid to help mom."
1763Plinkett: "But a protocol droid is typically used for etiquette and protocol...they're
1764basically like robot diplomats, not very handy technically...Says he's humancyborg
1765relations. He doesn't say he cleans dishes! C-3PO is clumsy, awkward,
1766and useless. Unless you need someone to translate a language."
1767Anakin stated the basic type of droid that C-3PO was, and that the droid was simply
1768intended to help his mom. Wow, contradiction! Give me a break. It's a sweet little gift
1769from a child to his mother. Have this guy ever seen some of the gifts that little kids
1770make for their moms in real life? I seriously doubt that Anakin cared if C-3PO didn't
1771have high-end physical performance. In ANH we see that C-3PO can lift things like
1772dead Jawas. What's funny is that even in this part of Stoklasa's review, he shows a clip
1773of a Trade Federation protocol droid serving drinks. Just the sort of thing that a house
1774assistant would be doing.
17757:06
1776Plinkett makes a few disgusting sexual comments about Shmi. He concludes them with
1777Plinkett: "Ah, rape jokes. I love 'em!"
1778Ooh, he said "rape." Edgy. Clever.
17797:16
1780Plinkett: "Also, if you're a little boy with a knack for building things with spare
1781parts, then why would you build the exact same droid that seems to have been
1782mass produced by a manufacturing plant somewhere. Wouldn't you build some
1783kind of unique robot from your imagination?"
1784He says it right there: Anakin is assembling preexisting parts to build C-3PO. I mean
1785wow, Anakin had the sense to use parts from the same droid model, which would
1786actually fit with each other? And all this complaining when Anakin wasn't even done
1787with C-3PO yet? What's the point here, exactly?
17887:31
1789Plinkett: "And to add to that, Watto already owned a protocol droid.
1790A clip is with a broken protocol droid inside Watto's shop is shown.
1791Plinkett: It's laying there in the garbage dump. Why not just fix that one?"
1792Yeah, Anakin should steal property slave master's shop for his own personal use at
1793home. Does this guy even understand what being a slave is supposed to mean?
17947:41
1795Plinkett: "So Qui-Gon manages to pull off the most convoluted bet ever, and
1796somehow wins everything except for Anakin's mother. Even at the end of the
1797movie when they save the day and probably could get the cash to buy the mom
1798from Watto, they don't go back for ten years."
1799Maybe Qui-Gon didn't go back because he was dead at the end of the movie. As for
1800the rest of the Jedi, they not only never knew Shmi but they also saw Anakin's
1801attachment issues as dangerous. As Yoda explains, emotion and personal attachment
1802are paths to the Dark Side. While those things are true if taken to the extreme, the point
1803of the prequel trilogy is that the Jedi Order has grown cold, personally detached, and
1804unyielding in its devotion to its doctrines. Oh yeah, I forgot that Stoklasa apparently
1805missed those things, along with how Qui-Gon's compassion was contrasted against the
1806other Jedi.
1807The Jedi Council was already reluctant to train Anakin since he was starting off in such
1808an unorthodox way, coming to them as a nine year old instead of being trained and
1809conditioned from infancy. They weren't going to contradict procedure even more by
1810indulging Anakin's parental attachment.
1811And here, Stoklasa once again displays his ignorance of another subject. The Jedi are
1812a Republic government agency, charged with protecting the Republic. Does he think
1813that the Jedi should have used Republic time and money to buy Shmi's freedom? Or
1814pay for Shmi's life afterward, since it wouldn't do much good to buy a penniless slave
1815(who was living in relative comfort anyway) just to abandon her with no job or
1816resources? That's misappropriation of assets, at the very least. There's also the fact
1817that Shmi is not a Republic citizen, and Tatooine is not Republic territory.
1818In real life, there are US federal workers and military members who have lots of
1819personal and financial problems. They don't all get free handouts. Also in real life, if
1820you pay for a slave then you can be prosecuted. That's because you're financing
1821human trafficking, by giving a slaver money to buy another slave.
1822But couldn't the Jedi forcefully free Shmi? Well, as I pointed out before, they wouldn't
1823even want to indulge Anakin. And again, Tatooine is not Republic territory. Slavery is
1824legal on Tatooine, and Shmi is Watto's legal property. The Jedi aren't required to go out
1825of their way and mess with that, possibly causing more trouble for the Republic. If they
1826freed one slave, will they be freeing more? That runs the risk of antagonizing the Hutt
1827crime cartels that control the planet.
1828The Jedi's mission is to protect the Republic's interests, not to go around messing with
1829people outside of it. It's ignorant and simplistic for Stoklasa to not see the many
1830reasons why they wouldn't go after Shmi. Especially when Anakin's attachment to his
1831mother was something that they openly criticized.
18327:55
1833Another section, "10. On to Planet Number 3. Is it Time For Death Yet?" begins.
1834"Planet Number 3" here is Coruscant. Stoklasa basically skipped over the pod race
1835itself despite the fact that it is considered a major feature in this movie, both by design
1836and by many people's reactions to it. He also skipped over the parts where Anakin
1837tearfully said goodbye to his mother, even though things like that were big parts of this
1838movie's emotional core, as well as important to the rest of the prequel trilogy. I can only
1839guess that he skipped over these things because he's ignorant of the themes that the
1840movie is actually trying to convey (which is definitely not that Qui-Gon is pointless and 
1841"stern"). Or he could be skipping over things because he's not writing a fair review, but
1842is instead just trying to look for little things to nitpick.
1843Stoklasa also glosses over Coruscant very quickly, skipping over more important
1844scenes. The Senate scenes showed that Naboo's problem had a much wider scope
1845than it seemed to at first. It shows the Republic's decay and corruption, and sets up
1846Palpatine's rise to power. But you don't get any hint of that significance here, in
1847Stoklasa's rush job summary of a full sixteen minutes of Coruscant scenes. He rushes
1848through about forty minutes altogether if you add that to the time on Tatooine
1849during and after the pod race. Stoklasa can spend some 40 minutes nitpicking the
1850first 29 minutes of TPM, or 2 minutes pretending on more than one occasion to be
1851baffled by such simple things as starship shields or Qui-Gon's negotiating. But he won't
1852analyze parts that are actually important to the movie. Stoklasa just breezes over the
1853most basic and superficial details, occasionally throwing in an insult like "boring"
1854without bothering to explain why. He sums up most of the entire second act of the
1855movie in about a minute.
1856The heart of TPM is not the trade dispute, or Qui-Gon drinking tea, or Stoklasa being
1857too stupid to understand the idea of seeking help from a nearby city instead of walking
1858through miles of wilderness on your own. TPM is about a kindhearted man who tries to
1859do good and help others that he meets along the way, fighting against the stifling control
1860of his bosses. It's a story about the decay of a once mighty Republic. About a mother
1861letting go of her son so that he can move on to greater things, and two children who rise
1862above their challenges.
1863It seems very suspect to me that Stoklasa doesn't say much, if anything about these
1864things. He's not even particularly negative about them; rather he just omits mentioning
1865these important parts in any meaningful way. As if it wasn't obvious before, it's clear
1866that he either doesn't understand this movie or isn't honestly reviewing it.
18678:39
1868Plinkett: "Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon both talk about how Anakin is 'dangerous' when
1869he's standing right there."
1870Apparently Stoklasa has never witnessed the real life phenomenon of adults talking
1871about children when they're in the same room. Or he's grasping at straws again for
1872something to complain about.
18738:50
1874Plinkett: "Then George Lucas completely and utterly finally ruins Star Wars
1875forever. By having Qui-Gon explain that the Force is microscopic organisms.
1876Qui-Gon: "Midichlorians are a microscopic life form that resides within all
1877living cells."
1878I didn't like Midichlorians either, and I thought that they were a mistake. Their existence
1879detracted from the mystique of the Force, and "felt" wrong. However, a lot of fans blew
1880the Midichlorians way out of proportion. As Qui-Gon stated, Midichlorians help people
1881communicate with the Force. They are not the Force itself, which ANH already
1882explained as a field of life energy binding every living thing together. The impression
1883that I got when watching TPM for the first time was that since the Midichlorians are such
1884primordial and basic organisms, they are more closely linked to the universe's basic life
1885energy. They congregate in places and people where the Force is very strong.
18869:05
1887Plinkett: "Or that microscopic organisms in our cells tell us about the Force. Or
1888something."
1889If he's going to acknowledge that fact, then why not state it right away? Instead of after
1890reciting that stupid and exaggerated misinterpretation that the Midichlorians ARE the
1891Force?
1892But it doesn't matter if a criticism is incorrect, or even if he himself acknowledges that
1893it's wrong just a few seconds later. Just bringing up another criticism creates more
1894negative sentiment in viewers who aren't smart enough to think for themselves. It still
1895sticks in their heads even after he admits that it's wrong (a few seconds later), because
1896the average viewer is too stupid to adjust his thinking beyond initial impressions. Going
1897over the YouTube comments for Part 5 of this review, I see quite a few people
1898incorrectly equating the Midichlorians to the Force. Even though RLM himself quickly
1899backed off from the claim.
1900Getting back to the review, RLM gives a middle finger to George Lucas (complete with
1901picture) and rushes all the way to the heroes returning to Naboo.
1902Part 6
19030:00
1904Another section, "11. Please God Make it Stop Make it End" begins.
1905Plinkett: "Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan go back for no reason"
1906Uh, they it was explicitly stated that they were going back to help the Queen, and
1907discover more about the mysterious Sith plot.
1908Plinkett: "and they bring the little kid to a war zone for no reason."
1909This is a fair criticism. The movie never really justified why Anakin was going with them,
1910despite how dangerous it was for him.
1911My only guess is that it was because Anakin's status in the Republic was questionable
1912at best, and the Jedi Order had already rejected him. Qui-Gon may have wanted to
1913keep Anakin close to the boy's few friends just in case he died, so that the Jedi wouldn't
1914just send Anakin away somewhere.
1915But Qui-Gon's actions here are questionable, and the movie should have done some
1916more to show why Anakin was even with them. Perhaps there could have been a scene
1917where Anakin snuck onboard the Queen's ship as it took off back to Naboo.
19180:13
1919Plinkett: "But really what's curious about this is that no other Jedi come back
1920with them. Even though there might be a Sith there."
1921Some clips of the numerous Jedi who went to Geonosis in AOTC are
1922shown.
1923Plinkett: "There's much more important work for the other five hundred Jedis
1924here. Eh, all the Jedis will just sit here and see who gets elected Chancellor, I
1925guess."
1926Using an AOTC clip to criticize a TPM scene isn't fair, because TPM came out years
1927before AOTC. Never mind the huge differences in the missions. In AOTC, they sent
1928hundreds of Jedi to potentially fight a Separatist army, with the full backing of the
1929Republic government. In TPM, they sent two Jedi to handle a small planetary matter 
1930that was considered controversial by the corrupt Senate. Also, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan
1931were hoping to bait Darth Maul into showing himself. It's a lot harder to bait someone
1932when you have an entire army of Jedi with you.
19330:58
1934Plinkett: "So everyone waits until they arrive at Naboo to start discussing how
1935they have no plans at all, and no idea what they're doing."
1936Once again Stoklasa makes a criticism based on a poor reading of the actual movie.
1937The scene in question starts in the Royal starship's cockpit, where the pilot is having fun
1938with Anakin and showing the boy how the ship's controls work. There is nothing but the
1939blackness of space and distant stars around them. We then cut to the rest of the
1940heroes in another part of the ship, talking with the Queen about their plans.
1941The movie then uses a one of Lucas's favorite techniques, a wipe transition, to show the
1942ship approaching Naboo. Obi-Wan and Captain Panaka are now in the cockpit with the
1943pilot, while Anakin is nowhere to be seen. The pilot says that he can see a Droid
1944Control Ship on the sensors. Time has obviously passed, as hinted by the wipe
1945transition, the different characters in the cockpit, and the fact that the pilot can see
1946enemies on his sensors (in contrast to chilling out with Anakin like he had before).
1947So no, the movie does not show the characters stupidly waiting until they arrived at
1948Naboo before discussing any plans.
19491:10
1950Plinkett: "All of a sudden the whole blockade is gone too, and there's just one
1951ship. Where'd they go? That's convenient."
1952Yeah, it is convenient. It's hardly unheard of for heroes in action movies to occasionally
1953receive some favorable breaks, when they would otherwise be up against hopeless
1954odds. This break also makes sense anyway. Maintaining a blockade ties up massive
1955amounts of resources. All the blockading ships could actually be used for shipping, or
1956for maintaining security in other areas. The blockade is also unnecessary, if the planet
1957being blockaded has been conquered and occupied by ground troops.
19581:25
1959Plinkett: "So then they make a plan. The Gungans act as robot bait so that the
1960Queen can sneak into the palace and capture the Viceroy while the fighters attack
1961the Droid Control Ship. So what happens again when they capture the Viceroy?"
1962Padmé: "Without the Viceroy they will be lost and confused."
1963Brace yourselves. Here comes more stupid extended whining from Stoklasa, yet again
1964trying to create problems that don't actually exist.
1965Stoklasa switches character to some Star Trek guy, which I assume to be a reference to
1966one of his previous movie reviews.
1967Star Trek Officer: "Um, excuse me. Hi, how do you know for sure that the robots
1968will be lost and confused without the Viceroy? I mean just by physically
1969capturing him doesn't mean that all the robots will know that he was captured,
1970right? It, it just seems that you're making up a bunch of BS right now. Hey
1971maybe they're programmed to just keep doing what they're doing regardless, until
1972they receive more orders? Hey maybe everyone should focus their efforts on
1973taking out the Droid Control Ship first?
1974At least here, Stoklasa takes on a character who tries to sound like the calm voice of
1975reason, instead of an annoyingly incoherent psycho. It's less unpleasant to listen to at
1976least, compared to all that had come before. But again, the answers to his problems
1977are right there in front of him: 
1978
1979
1980The plan was to capture the Viceroy while also attempting to destroy the Control Ship.
1981In fact, the ground attack on the palace directly enabled the fighter attack on the ship!
1982It's a multi-pronged attack that allows for successful gains even if one part should fail.
1983Taking out the enemy's leadership will obviously undermine their army's coordination.
1984At the very least, that enemy leader won't be able to issue any more orders.
1985
1986On the issue of the battledroids continuing their current actions until receiving new
1987orders, that's what communication is for. Obviously Padmé could announce the
1988Viceroy's capture and use him as a hostage to make demands. And it's not like the
1989Trade Federation wouldn't have already communicated the capture themselves, since
1990Padmé and her troops had been violently storming the palace.
1991The idea that the characters should just "focus their efforts on taking out the Droid
1992Control Ship first" is amusing in its simple-mindedness. How does he propose they
1993"focus" on it any more than they do in the actual movie? Does he have any actual plan
1994of his own, rather than a bunch of stupid questions?
1995The Naboo forces had a limited number of trained pilots, and no fighter ships as of the
1996beginning of the attack. How else were they supposed to take on the Control Ship?
1997Stoklasa continues the stupid comments, in the guise of a Star Trek character.
1998Star Trek Officer: "Then you could skip the other two dangerous parts. And you
1999could just walk up to the Viceroy and capture him. Who's in charge here? What's
2000this all about again? Why are we all listening to fourteen year old girl with no
2001military experience?"
2002What the hell does he mean by "walk up to the Viceroy and capture him?" I'm pretty
2003damn sure that the Viceroy wouldn't let them just approach him like that, without heavy
2004battledroid protection. Yet another stunningly bizarre statement, beneath even the
2005simplistic thought processes of children.
2006The irony is also great. Stoklasa criticizes Padmé for having "no military experience."
2007Judging from the laughable tactics that he has suggested throughout his review, I'm
2008going to go out on a limb and guess that he has no military experience either. After all,
2009he's tactical genius who actually thinks that THIS is a good idea:
2010After this part, Stoklasa gets rid of the Star Trek character and goes back to his creepy
2011"Plinkett" persona.
20122:25
2013Qui-Gon: "There is a possibility that with this diversion, many Gungans will
2014be killed."
2015Plinkett: "Hey wait Gungans? I thought they were called Gungas?"
2016A real life clip of George Lucas going over his story ideas is shown. In the
2017clip, Lucas says "Gungas" with no "n" at the end.
2018Ooh, Lucas made a minor adjustment to the name of his fictional aliens, then remained
2019consistent with "Gungans" throughout the actual movie. Big whoop.
20202:42
2021Viceroy: "We are sending all troops to meet [the Gungan army] assembling
2022near the swamp."
2023Plinkett: "Why would you meet them? Why not just ignore them? You have a
2024fortified position. Can't you see an obvious ploy to draw away your protection?"
2025More ignorance from Stoklasa. He has only the vaguest idea of the strategic situation
2026based off of one line (that there's a Gungan army out there somewhere), yet he makes
2027accusations of stupidity.
2028The Trade Federation army has tanks and superior firepower. Technologically superior
2029armies typically prefer to face their enemies in open, direct combat. If you have
2030superior weapons, then it is sensible to use those superior weapons on the enemy army
2031and crush it right away. It's not a difficult concept
2032God, can you imagine how a guy like Stoklasa would run an actual war?
2033As for the city, Stoklasa claims that it's "fortified" with no evidence whatsoever. Sitting
2034inside the city, fortified or not, would allow the Gungans to encircle them. It could
2035prevent the Trade Fed from bringing all of its firepower to bear. And if the Gungans
2036don't throw themselves directly at the city, then staying inside could allow them to run
2037rampant around the countryside. We know for a fact that the Trade Federation is
2038occupying more than just the city, because of the internment camps that were
2039mentioned.
2040Basically Stoklasa doesn't have any idea about all the details that could be relevant to
2041the strategic picture. So his criticism based off of one vague line has no actual merit.
2042As for the Viceroy's "protection," it's not like he sent all of his forces out to crush the
2043Gungans. Nobody keeps an entire army tied down for their personal protection. For
2044personal security, people usually rely on...security forces.
2045
2046Stoklasa also asks more stupid questions while nitpicking another line from this scene:
2047Sidious: "This will work to our advantage."
2048Plinkett: "How exactly will it work to your advantage? The Galactic Senate
2049doesn't even know what's happening here. What does it matter?"
2050Obviously, Sidious thought that it was advantageous with regards to the military
2051situation on Naboo. The Gungan army came out in the open where it could be easily
2052crushed.
20533:05
2054Qui-Gon: "Once we get inside, you find a safe place to hide and stay there."
2055Plinkett: "Aw Christ, you brought the kid here too? Hey here's a safe place to
2056hide: Not in the city!"
2057A fair criticism. I don't know why Qui-Gon brought Anakin there either. The movie
2058should've either forced him to bring Anakin along out of necessity, or have Anakin
2059sneaking in by himself after them.
20603:44
2061Captain Panaka: "The difficulty's getting into the throne room. Once we're
2062inside, we shouldn't have a problem."
2063Plinkett: "If the Viceroy was smart, he would be in a location you would not
2064expect to find him. But since he's clearly a complete idiot, then yeah, he's
2065probably in the throne room. Let's go with that."
2066Earlier (go back to 2:53 of Part 4), didn't Stoklasa criticize the Trade Federation for not
2067keeping the Queen in the palace, which he seemed to think was the most secure place?
2068Maybe, just maybe the throne room is the most secure part in the palace? It certainly
2069would be more secure right now, after the Trade Federation's army has had some time
2070to pacify the city. More so than it would be immediately following the invasion.
2071Anyway, it doesn't matter at all for the plot. The Naboo forces obviously did some recon
2072on the Trade Fed's forces before their attack, going by the dialogue. The Viceroy could
2073be anywhere, and it wouldn't change the story in any meaningful way.
2074Stoklasa goes on to the lightsaber duel between the Jedi and Darth Maul.
20754:20
2076Plinkett: "Oh and then they go from the palace to this room [the place with the
2077bottomless pits]. What is this room? Is this in the palace? I mean I know George
2078wanted the Jedis to fight in a cool place that's really Star Warsy. So, so this is
2079what a power generator? What does it power, the universe? So you're expecting
2080me to believe that the people that built this technological wonder were dying
2081without space supplies after two days?"
2082No, I don't expect people to believe that, since it was never stated in the movie and
2083Stoklasa basically made it up. We already went over this stupid point earlier in the
2084review. No Naboo had to be "dying" after "two days" of a blockade; the important fact is
2085that they were being blockaded and that's generally not seen as a good thing.
20864:44
2087Plinkett: "So I have another question. If the Sith have been extinct for a
2088millennium, and only Jedis use lightsabers...then why are the Jedis so darn
2089experienced at sword fighting?"
2090Uh, it's called training and sparring. Another stupid, pointless question. Stoklasa starts
2091breezing through things again, asking a lot of questions like these. Some are OK
2092nitpicks, others are just stupid.
20934:57
2094RLM: "So at the start of the film we see that Jedis can run at a super fast speed
2095when the screenwriter doesn't know how to get them out of a situation where a
2096powerful droid [the Droidekas] is shooting lasers at them."
2097He labels the Jedi's super speed as a cop out by the writer, although it seems to me that
2098it was more of a momentary "cool effect." If the writer wanted the Jedi to run
2099away...then the Jedi would simply run away, super speed or not. The Droidekas were
2100standing still while shooting; there was no implication at all that the Jedi couldn't
2101otherwise outrun them.
21025:06
2103RLM: "But we never see them run fast again."
2104Fair point, although you can say that about all the other Force powers. Why don't the
2105Jedi and Sith use telekinesis or lightning at every moment during every fight? The 
2106simple explanation is that the Jedi's powers aren't limitless, and you can't just pull out
2107any Force power at any given moment.
2108A clip is shown, of Obi-Wan not being fast enough to rejoin Qui-Gon before
2109an energy shield cuts him off.
2110But Stoklasa also doesn't mention the factors leading up to the specific part that he's
2111complaining about here. Obi-Wan is kicked in the face by Darth Maul. He then falls
2112several dozen feet down, slamming hard into another walkway below him which he
2113barely grabs hold of in order to avoid falling even more. Obi-Wan then pulls himself up,
2114before using the Force to leap high up again. So excuse him for not using the Force
2115again several seconds after just using it, and not long after taking some hard hits.
2116Now, this part wasn't a big deal. But it's yet another tiresome example of Stoklasa
2117making a nitpick without mentioning the easy explanation that already exists.
21185:19
2119Sidious: "Wipe them out. All of them."
2120A clip of the droid army rounding up surrendering Gungan troops is
2121shown.
2122Plinkett: "If the orders were to wipe them out, all of them, then why are they
2123taking prisoners?"
2124True, the Trade Federation didn't completely wipe the Gungans out. But a few general
2125words about wiping out the enemy does not mean that you can't take prisoners.
2126Prisoners can be interrogated or put to use before being destroyed anyway. Who
2127cares.
21285:29
2129Padmé: "I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war." [clip
2130from the beginning, before the Trade Fed invasion]
2131A few brief clips from the battle at the end of the movie are shown.
2132Oh yeah, real clever there. He really took it to the movie by pointing out a huge
2133inconsistency...oh wait he's just being stupid again and ignoring everything that
2134happened between the beginning and the end.
21355:40
2136Plinkett: "Yeah, you're such a peaceful people that you keep guns in the armrests
2137of your throne. Yeah, peaceful and paranoid?"
2138So a leader having some personal security measures means your society can't be
2139peaceful...I get that Stoklasa is trying to be sarcastic and funny, but he's still not making
2140any clever observations here.
21415:55
2142Another section, "12. Obi-Wan Gets Mad and Then I Do" begins. It goes deeper into
2143the climatic lightsaber battle.
2144Plinkett: "Their flawless choreography lacks all humanity and emotion."
2145Now, this is obviously a subjective statement of opinion that can't be flat out refuted,
2146unlike a factual assertion. All I would say to this is that if this lightsaber fight sucked for
2147having too much choreography, then he must hate every martial arts movie out there.
2148Because I'm not seeing how the choreography was too excessive compared to many
2149other movies. Obviously there is choreography, but the action remains fast and in the
2150moment. There is no slow-motion, nor are there extremely conspicuous camera
2151movements or elaborately drawn-out acrobatics. I wouldn't say that TPM's lightsaber
2152battle was particularly stylized compared to most contemporary action movies.
21536:08
2154Plinkett: "But then something happens: Qui-Gon dies, and Obi-Wan is pissed.
2155Hey, hey maybe this will finally get good. Maybe I'll get emotionally involved.
2156You see Obi-Wan is pumped. He really wants to kick this guy's ass...and then
2157BAM! Oh. That's right back to highly choreographed fighting.
2158In the movie, Obi-Wan charges and jumps at Darth Maul, swinging while still in the air.
2159The two then slash at each other. Again, the level of choreography is a matter of
2160opinion, though I've seen far more in many other movies. But then Stoklasa steps away
2161from pure opinion, and decides to make a comparison to ROTJ:
21626:32
2163Plinkett: "Hey remember when Luke Skywalker got really pissed and snapped
2164when Vader was taunting him? Remember how worked up and emotional he got?
2165He just started wailing on Vader. There was no grace, or complex choreography.
2166He was just pounding him into submission. Filled with rage. When you're 
2167worked up with emotion you begin to lose your composure and control. You
2168expose your humanity a little. Obi-Wan should've done that, just a bit."
2169He doesn't mention that Vader and the Emperor had been pushing Luke's buttons for an
2170extended period of time before that, trying to piss him off and tempt him into joining the
2171Dark Side. The whole point of that scene wasn't that Luke was just experiencing some
2172natural anger, but that he was on the verge of turning evil. He was losing control of
2173himself and on the verge of being forever corrupted.
2174Not only is Obi-Wan not Luke, but he wasn't set up as being tempted by the Dark Side
2175either. He shouldn't have been filled with anywhere near such uncontrollable rage. And
2176it's not like a well-trained warrior has to forget his skills and training if enraged in the
2177middle of battle. I find it funny that Stoklasa seems to think equate "expose your
2178humanity" means to lose control.
2179As a matter of opinion, someone wouldn't be wrong for saying that they would've liked
2180Obi-Wan or the fight if there was more explicit emotion. But comparisons should still be
2181appropriate.
2182Anyway, RLM spends the next couple of minutes analyzing the lightsaber duels in the
2183original trilogy. He actually makes some good points about the meaning and themes
2184behind those fights.
21857:16
2186Plinkett: "There's a lot going on between the two characters [in TESB] outside the
2187fact that they were swinging swords at each other. There is even a lot more going
2188on at the end of Jedi. Luke was realizing that he was kinda becoming his father
2189and taking his place. And the Emperor was proving a point that hate and anger
2190can be a powerful ally. You got things like temptation, anger, revelation,
2191defiance, sacrifice, and redemption. What's happening at the end of Phantom
2192Menace? Three guys we don't care about are fighting each other
2193over...something."
2194See, now THIS is more like it for a change. Stoklasa stays within the safe realm of
2195opinion, and actually supports his opinion here with observations from the movies. He
2196provides some meatier commentary about important things like the themes of the
2197movies, instead of nitpicking every little thing to hell and getting most of it wrong along
2198the way.
2199I think most people will agree that TPM didn't have as much emotion and meaning
2200compared to the other Star Wars movies. This is a fair point by Stoklasa. Too bad it
2201comes so late, after a ridiculous amount of dimwitted nitpicky garbage.
22028:00
2203Plinkett: "So if you've ever said that the duel at the end of A New Hope was the
2204worst one because it had bad fight choreography, and it was like a old guy, and a
2205guy in a mask who couldn't see what he was doing, so they were just awkwardly
2206hitting him with swords, then I'm afraid you missed the point entirely. It's really
2207about moments like this."
2208A clip of Obi-Wan's sacrifice is shown.
2209OK, although I would point out that this fight wasn't exactly at the end of ANH (it
2210occurred about three-fourths of the way through). And while I'm not one to bash the
2211lightsaber fight in ANH, I would say that if you're trying to defend it then pointing out the
2212sacrifice that comes isn't a very strong argument. Arguing like that suggests that the
2213fight's merit comes not from the fight itself, but something that happened only happened
2214after the actual fighting.
2215Remember this part though, it comes up shortly later in RLM's review.
22168:45
2217Stoklasa goes outside of his stated scope of reviewing TPM, by spending time to
2218criticize the final battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan at the end of Episode III.
2219Plinkett: "You might be thinking that the duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan had
2220some kind of depth to it because they were former friends. [Some garbled words]
2221this indeed had a little more going on than
2222A clip of the lightsaber fight in TPM is shown.
2223Plinkett: "nothing and"
2224A clip of the lightsaber fight in AOTC is shown.
2225Plinkett: "even more nothing. This duel [in ROTS] didn't need to be 45 minutes
2226long."
2227Fact checking time. Approximately 12 minutes pass between the moment when Anakin
2228and Obi-Wan take out their lightsabers and the moment when Obi-Wan hacks Anakin
2229apart. These 12 minutes aren't even entirely devoted to their fight either, because they
2230share that period of time with Yoda and Palpatine. We see Yoda and Palpatine talking
2231to each other before having a big fight of their own. We see Yoda escaping the Senate
2232chamber with the help of Senator Bail Organa as well.
2233So now a few minutes of fighting comes out to "45 minutes?" Even if he was just
2234speaking casually, that number is so off that his statement is completely ridiculous.
2235And while you might not know this due to Stoklasa's biased statement, the final battles
2236in ROTS in fact took less time than the final battles in other Star Wars movies. I quickly
2237checked the other movies as well to see how long their climatic battles lasted. Now I
2238admit that this part gets a little dicey, because the way that some of the battles started
2239and finished weren't clear cut. For example, TESB's final battle nearly doubles in length
2240if you include the Millennium Falcon's escape from Cloud City. AOTC has have several
2241distinct battles not placed too far apart from each other. All of the below running times
2242are approximate. I will state when I started and ended my counting each movie's "final
2243battle" to make things more clear:
2244Episode IV: A New Hope
2245Began: The Rebel fighters dive toward the Death Star.
2246Ended: The Death Star explodes.
2247Length: 11 minutes
2248Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
2249Began: Luke pursues Boba Fett and the Stormtroopers through the halls of Cloud City.
2250Ended: Vader cuts off Luke's hand.
2251Length: 12 minutes
2252Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
2253Began: Han's commando team breaks into the shield generator building.
2254Ended: The second Death Star explodes.
2255Length: 30 minutes
2256Episode I: The Phantom Menace
2257Began: The Trade Federation engages the Gungans.
2258Ended: Obi-Wan kills Darth Maul
2259Length: 18 minutes
2260Episode II: Attack of the Clones
2261Began: Mace Windu and the other Jedi reveal themselves at the arena.
2262Ended: Count Dooku escapes.
2263Length: 20 minutes
2264As you can see, ROTS's final battle was far shorter than the final battles in three of the
2265other movies. It was about as long as the final battles at the end of the first two
2266celebrated movies.
2267Once again, one of Stoklasa's claims is refuted with simple fact checking. Once again,
2268he's been caught bashing a prequel movie while giving passes to the original trilogy
2269movies for doing the same thing.
22709:02
2271Plinkett: "The ultimate point of everything was that Obi-Wan defeats Anakin.
2272Having them fight in the most ridiculous of places only to wind up on a tiny hill at
2273the end was overindulgent. This fight could've lasted 3 minutes in one location
2274and still have the same impact in the story. The whole thing ends up going on so
2275long that it actually becomes boring despite the amazing visual effects."
2276As I proved above, the final battles of ROTS were not long at all by the standards of the
2277Star Wars series. And the ultimate point of everything is to entertain the audience.
2278Now, granted everything he says in this paragraph is opinion. But his claim of the fight
2279lasting "45 minutes" is ridiculously exaggerated. If his opinion is based on that wildly
2280incorrect belief, then it's a stupid opinion. And Star Wars is an action adventure series.
2281I'd venture to guess that most of the audience wanted a big epic duel to conclude the
2282saga with, rather than a much smaller fight that lasts "3 minutes in one location."
2283Can you imagine that? Ending the movie series with the smallest scale and most
2284unspectacular final battle of them all? A final battle that, at "3 minutes" long, would last
2285a small fraction of the times that the other final battles went on for? The audience would
2286walk out unsatisfied, feeling like the movie could've ended with so much more. I guess
2287this is why George Lucas is a billionaire who makes successful blockbuster movies...
2288and Mike Stoklasa is not.
22899:25
2290Plinkett: "The ultimate irony is that this fight [Obi-Wan vs. Vader in ANH] between
2291the same characters years later is much more interesting than this one [the duel
2292in ROTS]. 
2293This is pure opinion that Stoklasa is entitled to. It's also an opinion that I think a lot of
2294people out there would disagree with. The ROTS duel has a far bigger scope, better
2295music (an epic score as opposed to a few brief dark notes at the beginning), and faster
2296action. It is the culmination of everything in the prequel trilogy, instead of a short fight
2297three-fourths of the way through ANH.
2298But what about the emotion? Stoklasa previously stated that emotion was such an
2299important part of a fight, and criticized the lightsaber battle in TPM because Obi-Wan
2300didn't get pissed off like Luke did in ROTJ. Well, the big fight in ROTS certainly showed
2301a lot of emotion from both combatants. The fight in ANH, not so much. In ROTS both
2302characters were living through a tumultuous time and grappling with the betrayal of the
2303other (real or perceived). In ANH, not so much. Old Obi-Wan and Old Vader literally
2304had decades to cool off since their previous conversation. They had accepted
2305everything, and remained quite calm throughout the fight in ANH.
2306It's ultimately the guy's own decision as to which fight he likes better, and there's
2307nothing to "prove" here either way. But a lot of people, including myself, have a
2308different opinion. But Stoklasa isn't being fair and consistent in the way that he criticizes
2309ROTS.
2310Part 7
23110:00
2312The seventh and final part of this review of TPM begins with a section called "13. The
2313Ending Multiplication Effect." Stoklasa states that the conclusion of each succeeding
2314Star Wars film leading up to TPM has been made up of more and more sub-conflicts:
2315ANH:
23161. Luke and some other pilots fly against the Death Star (in Stoklasa's stated opinion,
2317"The story is flawlessly built up to the final conclusion").
2318TESB:
23191. Luke duels Vader.
23202. Leia and the others fight Stormtroopers and escape from Cloud City.
2321ROTJ:
23221. Luke duels Vader again.
23232. The ground battle on Endor.
23243. The space battle against the Imperial fleet and the second Death Star.
2325TPM:
23261. Jar Jar and the Gungan army battle the Trade Federation's droids.
23272. The Jedi fight Darth Maul.
23283. Padmé and her team try to capture the Viceroy.
23294. Anakin and the Naboo pilots try to destroy the Droid Control Ship.
2330This is true, the ending battles from ANH to TPM do get more dispersed and complex.
2331However, Stoklasa doesn't really explain why this is a bad thing in and of itself:
23321:02
2333Plinkett: "This was one of the major mistakes made in Episode I. Ironically the
2334simplest endings, to the first two movies, with the least locations and events, are
2335vastly more interesting because the plot is built up to them and we can focus on
2336the one thing."
2337Now, I'm going to talk about the subject of multiple locations/events in the same battle.
2338It's not necessarily the same thing as the execution of each separate event, and I had
2339my problems as well with the execution of some parts of TPM's concluding battle. 
2340Dispersed battles composed of more than one sub-conflict allow for each member of an
2341ensemble cast to play a part. Notice how in ANH, which had the simplest and most
2342focused conclusion, Luke is the only one who really gets to do anything. Han and
2343Chewie take the Millennium Falcon and disappear, coming back only as a last second
2344surprise to save Luke's butt. It's a triumphant surprise, but we never see the critical
2345moments when Han grapples with his morality and decides to go back to fight.
2346R2-D2? He's reduced to a prop sticking out from the back of Luke's X-wing. Leia? She
2347stands silently in the Rebel command center. She waits around with nothing to do,
2348except to possibly die. Same thing with C-3PO.
2349So was ANH's conclusion really so "flawlessly built up," as Stoklasa thinks? I don't
2350think so. I've read before that screenwriters try to separate their battles so that each
2351member of an ensemble can have something different to do. And that idea seems to be
2352something that George Lucas followed himself, since "The Ending Multiplication
2353Effect" started way back in the original trilogy. Just as he did when he glossed over the
2354fact that Luke doesn't even show up in ANH until 17 minutes in, Stoklasa looked at the
2355ending of original movie through rose-tinted glasses.
2356Now, why are multiple simultaneous battles even such a bad thing, in and of itself?
2357Stoklasa doesn't really explain all that much. He claims that in movies with single
2358ending battles, "the plot is built up to them." But the plot in TPM built up to its fights
2359as well. Stoklasa also said that it's easier "to focus on the one thing." I'll give him
2360that, although not having any sub-conflicts comes with its own problems, as I explained
2361above.
2362And you know what seems odd to me? Stoklasa was so caught up thinking that he was
2363smart and insightful for pointing out the multiple simultaneous fights, that he seemingly
2364forgets to criticize the clearly dumb things that actually happened in the movie. Anakin
2365improbably being taken into the space battle by his ship's auto-pilot? Very briefly
2366skimmed over. Anakin's lack of fear and tension during the space battle? Not a word.
2367Jar Jar's excessive bumbling? Not covered either. Rather strange, coming from the
2368guy who spent 40 minutes covering the first 29 minutes of the movie, who liked to harp
2369on such insignificant details as tea drinking or circular starships.
2370Brace yourselves again, because the next part just gets ugly:
23711:15
2372Clips of George Lucas and his employees sitting down to view a rough cut
2373of TPM (which I assume were taken from the DVD extras) are shown.
2374Plinkett: "After the rough cut screening of the movie for the first time, everyone in
2375attendance looks just as baffled at the cluster**** as we were."
2376Stoklasa keeps showing clips from this DVD extra with Lucas and his employees
2377stressing over how to edit the rough cut. He uses a few choice quotes to support his
2378claims, but he also mutes some clips so that he can talk over them. Stoklasa claims
2379that the footage shows that Lucas and his employees hated the movie themselves, and
2380didn't know what they were doing. As you will see, Stoklasa twists and exaggerates
2381things.
23821:29
2383Plinkett: "The [movie's editor] then attempts to explain pacing, and why four
2384scenes with totally different emotional tones don't work well together."
2385Editor: "In the space of about ninety seconds, you know you go from
2386lamenting the death of, you know, a hero, to escape, to slightly comedic
2387with Jar Jar, you know, to Anakin returning...[muted by Stoklasa]
2388Plinkett: "But he kinda realizes he's wasting his time so he stops."
2389Actually, it looked like he kept talking but Stoklasa silenced him to give us his own
2390version of what happened.
2391Look closely at what the editor is saying though. "The death" sounds like Qui-Gon's
2392death scene after Maul is killed. "Jar Jar" is self-explanatory; the only thing it could be
2393is Jar Jar's clumsy antics during the ground battle. I assume "Anakin returning" is
2394Anakin happily celebrating as he escapes from the Droid Control Ship, after dealing a
2395fatal blow from the inside.
2396Lucas and his employees were stressed out from the way that a few specific parts
2397flowed into each other, within a short period of "about ninety seconds." They didn't
2398hate the entire movie, or even the "four scenes" (battles) as Stoklasa is trying to make
2399it look like. To be fair, I did think the tones in some of the battles didn't mesh well with
2400the others. I thought Padmé and the Jedi's parts were great, while the light and comic
2401tone in Anakin and Jar Jar's parts detracted from the tension. But Stoklasa is still
2402overplaying his hand here.
24031:51
2404Plinkett: "Rick McCallum is frozen in utter shock at how horrible the movie was.
2405Internally, he regrets not challenging Lucas on some of the things he was worried
2406about."
2407Nice of him to play mind-reader, and make up a bunch of things that Rick McCallum
2408was supposedly thinking about.
24092:33
2410Plinkett: "No one looks like they know what's going on, and they all look like
2411they're about to start pointing fingers. But that's just my interpretation of this
2412footage. I wasn't there."
2413The level of dishonesty here is disgusting. Once again, Stoklasa relies on the same
2414trick. He keeps saying negative things that are unproven or even untrue, then admits
2415that it's not the case or that he can't confirm it. Hammering negative feelings into
2416people's heads, knowing that almost none of them will ever fact check his statements.
2417Go to the actual finished version of the movie. Qui-Gon has his sad and dramatic death
2418scene. The movie then moves to the streets of Naboo, in a scene that's all business.
2419Queen Amidala and Captain Panaka send the defeated Viceroy off, telling him that he's
2420finished. Palpatine shows up and it's said that he won the election and is the new
2421Chancellor. Yoda and Obi-Wan talk about training Anakin, in a serious scene where
2422Yoda worries about "grave danger." The movie then switches to another grim scene,
2423where we see Qui-Gon's funeral pyre. Yoda and Mace Windu worry about the other
2424Sith who must still be out there. An eerie closeup tells everyone that that other Sith is
2425Palpatine, in case they didn't realize that yet. It's not until after that, in the last scene
2426showing the victory celebration, when the movie takes on a happy tone again.
2427"Anakin's return" and any scenes with Jar Jar? Nowhere to be seen here, but instead
2428shifted into other parts of the movie.
2429So it looks like Lucas and his people figured out the editing problem that they were
2430worrying about, and drastically reduced the clashing tones from the rough cut. Not that
2431you realize that if you go by Stoklasa's portrayal of things.
24322:43
2433Stoklasa skims over the ending of the movie within a few seconds, rambling and
2434pointing out useless things. Nothing worth talking about.
24352:54
2436Plinkett: "And then later on, or earlier or something, Yoda and Obi-Wan are
2437talking in the castle, and and Yoda says"
2438Yoda: "Grave danger I fear in his training."
2439Obi-Wan: "I gave Qui-Gon my word." [that he would train Anakin]
2440Plinkett: "Oh. You gave Qui-Gon your word. I suppose it's better to rely on that
2441than rather the whole prediction of 'grave danger.'"
2442[The words 'Grave Danger' are put onscreen for emphasis]
2443Plinkett: "So it seems like the Jedi Council reluctantly agrees to let Obi-Wan train
2444the boy for no real reason."
2445No reason? Let's hear the logic behind that statement...
2446Plinkett: "Hey remember, this is not like some board room of company executives
2447making a decision about apple sauce packaging. These are Jedi Masters, whose
2448entire existence is based on 'The Force,' 'Feelings,' 'Premonition,' and
2449'Prophecy.'"
2450Plinkett: "When they ALL feel weirded out and predict 'grave danger,' you'd think
2451they of all people would follow their own instincts. But instead for no reason AT
2452ALL, they allow the training."
2453Yeah, no reason such as the boy probably being "The Chosen One" as predicted by
2454prophecy? The kind of "prophecy" that RLM thinks the Jedi should adhere to? Never
2455mind the fact that Qui-Gon believed in Anakin, or that the Jedi Council never even put
2456their foot down before and said that Anakin would absolutely not be trained.
2457On Coruscant, the Jedi sensed fear in Anakin which isn't good but also isn't anything
2458out of the ordinary coming from a young boy in a situation like that. When they informed
2459Qui-Gon of their initial decision not to train Anakin, the only reason Mace Windu could
2460bring up was a half-assed "He is too old." Qui-Gon, another Jedi Master himself (who
2461was explicitly said to be qualified for the Council, if only he would fall in line with the
2462others), disputed that. Even Yoda admitted that Anakin's future was "clouded" and 
2463difficult to see. The Jedi Council decided to defer their decision on Anakin's future until
2464later, since they still had the Naboo crisis on their hands.
2465So the Jedi Masters, who admittedly weren't even sure before, eventually decided to
2466trust Qui-Gon's judgment and grant his dying wish? Uh, okay. Not seeing a problem
2467there.
24683:55
2469Plinkett: "Yoda's supposed to be really wise, right?"
2470Yoda: "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
2471Plinkett: "Wait, what did he just say? Maybe he isn't that wise, because that don't
2472make a lick of sense. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to
2473suffering.'"
2474These words from Yoda, which are very true, state another one of the Star Wars saga's
2475main themes. That theme is how poisonous and insidious hatred can be, and how it
2476can change who you are for the worse. It is what happens to Anakin, and what Luke
2477resists in ROTJ. It's astounding that Stoklasa would take issue with these words. But
2478he has already shown an ignorance for this movie, and this saga's themes. His
2479explanation for why these words "don't make a lick of sense" is just idiotic:
2480RLM: "Can't anger lead to fear? And fear lead to suffering? And then suffering
2481lead to hate? You see when you have three totally interchangeable emotional
2482states, that can't really be arranged in a certain pattern of logic."
2483This guy must be a complete moron if he can't see the logical order of things. Let me
2484plug in a few words to make things perfectly clear for the slow and stupid people out
2485there who can't seem to get it:
2486"Fear [for your future] leads to anger [at people you think are holding you back].
2487Anger leads to hate [for those people]. Hate leads to suffering [because you fight
2488with people or push them away]."
2489That's what happened to Anakin, though it could easily apply to anyone else. Here's
2490another example:
2491"Fear [of foreigners taking your job, destroying your culture, or threatening your country]
2492leads to anger. Anger leads to hate [for people who are different from you]. Hate
2493leads to suffering [because it leads to discrimination or causes war]."
2494Now, was that so hard to understand? Give me a break. Of course Stoklasa revels in
2495his idiocy and proposes his "funny" alternative of chicken leading to food leading to
2496feces.
24974:37
2498We're finally at the last part of this lousy review, titled "14. The Aftermath." Stoklasa
2499doesn't really make any new points in these last five minutes. He does, however,
2500suggest and insinuate a lot without any actual proof.
2501He starts by restating that TPM was the biggest disappointment ever. Who does he lay
2502the blame on?
25034:57
2504Plinkett: "Well, I guess you could say it was everyone involved in the production.
2505Mainly the producers and those higher up on the food chain. Sure, it's easy to
2506blame George for the script and doing everything wrong, but those people who
2507didn't challenge Lucas on some of the questionable ideas, they also carry some
2508blame."
2509If your opinion is that some of the people around Lucas should have spoken up or
2510thought differently than him (for all you know they could have genuinely agreed with his
2511ideas), then fine. Nothing wrong with that. But the way Stoklasa elaborates on this
2512initial position gets worse and worse.
25135:17
2514Plinkett: "To quote Gary Kurtz"
2515The following quote is displayed onscreen:
2516"I think one of the problems...is the fact that he (Lucas) doesn't have more
2517people around him who really challenge him."
2518For those who don't already know, Kurtz was a producer who worked with Lucas on the
2519first two Star Wars movies. He left after TESB following disputes with Lucas over the
2520direction of the story. Instead of the happy ending to ROTJ that we got, Kurtz wanted a
2521bittersweet one where Han Solo is killed in the middle of the third movie, Leia is left 
2522carrying her new burdens as queen, and Luke walks off alone. Personally I think the
2523movie that we did get sounds a lot better, but whatever. Since then, Kurtz has become
2524a rallying point for disgruntled fans on the internet who dislike what Lucas has been
2525doing with Star Wars.
2526Again, there's nothing wrong with the idea that someone can do better if he's receptive
2527to advice from other people. But Stoklasa keeps digging himself deeper and deeper...
25285:24
2529Plinkett: "You can really see this in the behind-the-scenes videos [a few clips are
2530shown]. People look scared around George...they laugh at his bad jokes. When
2531he comes into the room there's like silence, and fear, terror. Every so often you'll
2532catch some looks of confusion and mistrust. You gotta wonder what some of
2533these people were thinking."
2534Wow. Seriously wow. It's one thing to go off of documented disagreements like what
2535Gary Kurtz has said about his split with Lucas. It's quite another to act like a paranoid
2536conspiracy weirdo, claiming that you see "terror" and "mistrust" in people's eyes from
2537some benign behind-the-scenes videos. Videos released by Lucasfilm itself. If Lucas's
2538employees looked that freaked out, then why the hell would that video be released?
2539Even in the clips that Stoklasa uses (and his editing has been pretty selective and
2540biased throughout his entire review), I don't see the supposed "fear" that he's claiming.
2541Because it's ridiculous:
2542...yeah, truly the faces of terror, and not just normal people standing there with normal
2543looks on their faces.
2544And you know what? Stoklasa himself admits that he doesn't have anything to base
2545these wild claims on:
25465:50
2547Plinkett: "Now again I must stress: I wasn't there and I can't pretend to know all
2548the goings-on behind the scenes."
2549That's right. He says that to cover his butt. But he doesn't fully retract what he just said
2550either. He's happy to keep on speculating, making assumptions, and flinging mud on
2551Lucas's image...
2552Plinkett: "But it all seems pretty obvious when you think about it. Lucas has
2553always been a rogue filmmaker who hated the studio system. He always seemed
2554to want total control on his projects, which I can understand. And while a
2555director should have control on the project, filmmaking should also be a
2556collaborative process."
2557Besides that unsupported statement about how "obvious" it is that things were horrible
2558behind the scenes, this part isn't that bad. He brings up the writers, producers, and
2559actors who have all contributed to Star Wars.
25606:36
2561Plinkett: "I think all this can be summed up with the expression 'Art from
2562adversity.' The original Star Wars was plagued with problems. Nothing worked
2563right, things were rushed I guess, but it ended up being a great movie." [clips of
2564some primitive droid props and costumes are shown]
2565If he's saying that physical production problems help the movie, then I don't know what
2566to say.
2567Plinkett: "When you can make a movie entirely in a computer, and then shoot
2568everything against a blue screen in some kind of a sterile laboratory,"
2569[clips of prequel actors in empty rooms, without CGI scenery, is shown]
2570Plinkett: "well, some of the magic is lost."
2571Man, working in animation must truly be a soulless occupation then, since none of that
2572is physically real. Or how's about all those other CGI heavy blockbusters? Again,
2573Stoklasa assumes things about how people felt during a production that he played no
2574part in.
2575A clip of someone who worked on Episode II is shown:
2576LFL Employee: "When Obi-Wan is walking around in Kamino, George
2577showed him concept paintings of okay, 'now you're walking down the
2578hallway and you're seeing cloning facilities,' but there's nothing for him to
2579see."
2580The employee is just pointing out that Ewan MacGregor was walking in an empty room,
2581and had to be given artwork to show him what he was supposed to see. Big deal.
25827:51
2583Plinkett: "Now I ain't gonna say much more here. I don't know all the facts."
2584Once more he admits the truth. If he wasn't there, then why does he talk so much about
2585how things might have happened? It doesn't matter if he eventually admits his lack of
2586knowledge, because he has already done the job of smearing Lucas's image and giving
2587viewers the impression that he wanted.
2588The last couple of minutes is an irrelevant segment where Stoklasa, playing his psycho
2589murderer character, pretends to lose his mind before getting into a confrontation with
2590the police.
2591So ends a stupid review, that had all of a few decent general observations mixed into a
2592vast sea of lies, distortions, and stupidity.
2593Conclusion
2594That was really something, wasn't it? And definitely not in a good way. I don't know
2595how anyone can read this and still think that Stoklasa made good points in his review of
2596TPM. Actually, I don't know how anyone thought he made good points in the first place.
2597Throughout his review, Stoklasa relies on the same few tricks again and again. He asks
2598stupid questions which the movie has already answered. He denies simple truths that
2599were made clear to everyone. He repeatedly makes false or unsupported claims that
2600increase the amount of negativity in his review, which will stick in people's minds even if
2601he carefully retracts his statements later.
2602He also nitpicks the most insignificant details, while strangely not mentioning far more
2603important things. Stoklasa doesn't seem to be aware of the basic themes of TPM. Yet
2604he saw fit to criticize and suggest stunningly bad alternative stories for the movie that
2605would've stripped it of much of its heart and meaning. This guy quite simply does not
2606know what he is talking about.
2607Too many people have been swayed by his lousy arguments and deceptive tricks. I
2608believe that the monstrous length of his review has protected it from criticism. At
2609seventy minutes long, it at once appears daunting and authoritative. Any counterpoints
2610to it appear selective and incomplete in comparison; RLM supporters can and have
2611claimed that its detractors "haven't looked at the big picture" of what Stoklasa is saying.
2612Well now, you have a rather complete "big picture" summary of the whole damn thing.
2613Now, almost all of his points have been laid bare for everyone to see.
2614Writing this response took patience, as well as too much time. But it didn't take any
2615special skills. Just a critical mindset that sought to verify any claims that were being
2616made. If only more people took the time to check up on things that they read or hear.