pWVUwQJi

1bind pub - :jerkit pub_jerkit
2
3proc pub_jerkit {nick mask hand channel args} {
4global jerkit
5puthelp "PRIVMSG $channel :[lindex $jerkit [rand [llength $jerkit]]]"
6}
7
8set jerkit {
9"$local[0][0] = \"boners\""
10"what with the boners"
11"can't get enough (seriously)"
12"embraces the fag trap"
13"possibly one of the funnier things said in jerkcity"
14"my vote cannot be bought"
15"clang clang clang went the trolley"
16"ding ding ding went the bell"
17"the powerful use of cadence is staggering but the content somewhat falls short artistically"
18"i'm some kind of gay rodent"
19"i'm some kind of gay emoticon"
20"you appear to be gayer than i"
21"i don't think i can beat that"
22"i miss the good old days where i could choke down a 12 oz dong at the corner pokery"
23"but i don't miss the part where you wack my nuts with a stick for forty minute stretches"
24"nurk nurk nurk i wish more people would laugh loudly around me and talk about postscript!!!!!!!!!!!"
25"it's almost like i've lost all will to live"
26"gurf gurf you said it folks we're fucking dipshit dicklickers!!!!!!!!!! bab-5 party"
27"/nick d0ct0r_wh0 goddamnit"
28"i am seriously perturbed with regard to how many chips were actually in the big puffy bag"
29"mmf urmph you are shaking me and settling me and finally shipping me"
30"i will shelve you (pricing gun)"
31"i am half off with a lucky rewards card"
32"i am instructing others not to check you for ripeness, etc."
33"i'm the king of porn"
34"you are the king of my pants!"
35"i'm the captain of your balls"
36"together we make a fine team!"
37"i'm here to make your life better"
38"a little less shouting please"
39"i was shouting because i was happy"
40"does anyone else too????????????????????????"
41"anyone?????????????????????????????"
42"we have a witness that can place your dong in the same neighborhood as my face last july 4th"
43"who ate the last nip"
44"saving private dicklicker"
45"warning contains graphic scenes of dicklicking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
46"okay men let's all hurmph burmph lord god we're not even out of the boat"
47"bhlruhblurhlubhrlgbuhrlubhlhrg are you ryan no okay bhrlburhlguhlrubh"
48"i'm eating a breakfast burrito"
49"i'm watching you eat the breakfast burrito"
50"but it is not breakfast"
51"my mom was all \"you're not taking the car\" and i was like fuck you hitler"
52"you've confused me with that one -- i thought we were talking breakfast burritos not breakfast angst"
53"i fail to see what the toilet has to do with my performance revihgulahaluhalhgualghulahgulahglahglahga"
54"sir i ahuglahgluahgulahglahglahglahglahg"
55"regarding my salary hgalhalgahlguahuglahlgaglahlahgulahlahglag"
56"is it starting to dawn on you now sir"
57"holy christ just dongs everywhere and so suddenly -- poking and whapping me -- it's like i'm running backwards naked through a cornfield"
58"why don't you people love me"
59"i jerk two dicks before i jerk two dicks"
60"it makes me feel all right"
61"it's like i've got the gay that just won't stop"
62"can i get that in a spray can or only in roll-on?"
63"sir i'm going to need an answer to my question before the gay overwhelms me"
64"holy crap -- zero g means i can finally realize my cock sucking dreams"
65"actually there is gravity on the moon, but you'd need math to prove it"
66"there's no gravity we'll just wear heavy boots"
67"well the safeway lady claims she has no idea if i've purchased an..."
68"...adequate ratio of tissue paper/hustlers"
69"dude you're supposed to ask the manager"
70"they don't tell the front-line grunts that kind of stuff"
71"stuffing her head into the cauliflower"
72"lord god your'e banging my yarmulked head against the incinerator"
73"it's called a \"beanie\""
74"time to listen to the bananarama song again"
75"doodle oot doot / doot doot doot"
76"doodle oot doot / dip durp doop"
77"it really is a cruel summer"
78"he's all \"wanna pounda dope\""
79"and the next thing i know he's really pounding it into my face!!!!!!"
80"then i realize i am the dope"
81"rooster rooster can you hear me this is henhouse over"
82"you appear to be fading fast over"
83"are we still on the moon"
84"poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo"
85"i am stuck in a poo loop"
86"you are now free (that was my magic spell)"
87"they've been manufacturing antimatter for quite some time now"
88"when people talking about antimatter are in the same room with me i cancel them out"
89"wangsaglhgahlgahlga you will have to show respect to get your dicks sir"
90"don't be dissing my low tolerance for learning, science"
91"hurgle durgle it's the economy stupid urf burf whatever you're talking about"
92"i have one rule when it comes to chicks"
93"that they don't have rolls"
94"and that they aren't white"
95"okay that's two rules"
96"you are disturbing my concentration"
97"that means i'm a wanna be ham that has strayed from the righteous path"
98"okay it means i'm drunk"
99"for a while i was a vcr clock -- then it just became lame"
100"what is the conundrum?"
101"i have two balls -- i want three"
102"how can i fix plz ?!?!"
103"that is not a conundrum that is a gay dream"
104"in ten hours i will be the owner of a pac man coffee mug"
105"i don't fucking understand what is wrong with you"
106"watch the profanity i am an op"
107"pants tried to boot deuce (what a prick)"
108"i don't know about you but i'd like tori spelling to give me some 9-0-2-1-oral sex"
109"oh who am i kidding hulgahlghalughalughluahlag"
110"you don't look like windows"
111"dragging and dropping anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
112"being crushed, battered"
113"i am red hat linux people"
114"buying you at fry's for $44"
115"i think diaper humour is going to sky rocket over the next few weeks"
116"i'm with you (also buying dong/bong futures)"
117"well long story short there is no such thing as \"dongazine\" and i'm still overweight and my mouth hurts"
118"do you ever piss in your fat mouth"
119"and then go blughlbuhlguhbluhglu i'm a fountain"
120"no i use water for that"
121"try piss for a refreshing change of pace"
122"so anyway there i was in the congo, licking silverback gorilla dick"
123"isn't this just a regular ass parade"
124"this feels like an extra fancy parade"
125"i was so boerd i went into the living room for djfisty comedy"
126"it was like watching cats play pool"
127"so anyway i like dick and that's that"
128"i think you know all you need know about me"
129"i didn't want to go into this but here it is"
130"you get so huffy when it comes to the dicks"
131"please welcome jerkcity's newest member, atandt"
132"i publish short stories on the web and here's a link to email me"
133"if someone can help me get a perl/java thing going i can build a chat forum"
134"you're really stabbing me in the face and groin with that ballpoint pen"
135"john glenn begins practice countdown"
136"so long stupid cube where dorks can talk and people can see my porn"
137"hello dark lonely lab with a lock on the door and complete privacy"
138"important work going on in here"
139"the question is not whether it's art or pornography people, the question is how far is that bat up the guy's ass"
140"perhaps the answer to the gentleman's question lies here, in my pants"
141"the answer is cock!!!!!!"
142"it really *is* that simple"
143"stars doofus and dorkus"
144"i mixed viagra with olean!!!!! spluhurhgurhug hulbhlughlubsplrulug"
145"i'm a char to a star to a pointer to a dong to a bong to this gun to right in my mouth and goodbye"
146"were you explicitly or implicitly casted ?!?!"
147"fuck you and lick dick"
148"but what exactly is high definition tv?!?!?!?! and it is worth the steep price?!?!?!?"
149"why don't i write an article or postulate loudly about it on the bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????"
150"folks if you look i have a wired and a pc weekly helping me with pros/cons"
151"suck the dick you fat old man"
152"all of you -- step away from the keyboard"
153"remember when we lived together and we would take the bus to various gay places and you would insist you were not gay but boy did leslie and cecil and frederick at blowhole's know otherwise"
154"if i'm fat boy then you're little man so shut the fuck up little man"
155"now you've embarassed me in front of the gang"
156"now i'll never be a crip (or a blood or whatever you fags are)"
157"lick dick old bean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
158"hurmph sir you are blocking bbc1 and bbc2"
159"according to the 1997 motorcycle supplement from the dmv, when your rear tire goes flat the bicycle swings \"jerkily\" from side to side, well we all had a good laugh and i failed"
160"heart still going on"
161"you are going to have to learn how to internalize"
162"if i internalize on jerkcity, the comedy will be over"
163"komm, gib mir deine hand"
164"crop circles look neat"
165"they're done by hicks you know"
166"i just saw some freaks making them"
167"oh sorry then they're aliens"
168"do they ever !!!!!!!"
169"christ my turban's on fire"
170"i think this dot is too big, i cannot lift my gay head"
171"shut your cake hole, get me out of jail, and hump my hip"
172"homp ch-ching gahglahglahglahglhalgh (in order)"
173"i like to practice being gay in front of a mirror"
174"a good magician never chokes down the same dick twice"
175"that's the last time i buy comedy from wal-mart"
176"my dad poofed into a bat and flapped into my room and put his wing down my pants"
177"italians jokes are always funny... also italian chokes ironically enough"
178"i read literature on the italian poke circa 1793"
179"i don't understand you koreans sometimes"
180"i think i will ransack your store"
181"you are looting me and also booting me"
182"they are called black people"
183"i think you are confusing them with wops"
184"all in favor of licking say \"i\""
185"i am straight out of compton"
186"i would have to describe \"for better or worse\" as hilarious, heartwarming"
187"likewise garfield as a tubby tabby with cattitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
188"you are jamming the hose into my nose"
189"i'm seriously juggling my balls here folks"
190"hoop hoop hoop ok one hand now hop hop hop hop ok eating one while continuing to juggle hop holy..."
191"...christ that fucking hurt"
192"i'd recommend not juggling one's balls"
193"that was like aesop's fable for faggots"
194"i made you out of clay"
195"everytime i roll this d4 i get some squiggly jew letter"
196"baby you're a rich fat jew"
197"i find the atandt/deuce disconnect to be funny"
198"help / i need somebody"
199"help / not just anybody"
200"bam bam bam sir in the next stall i am asking for help"
201"i am reaching my hand under the partition for coins/tokens"
202"guess we're headed for the dong party"
203"i did not know about the dong party (dongs in ears)"
204"does the f on my report card stand for farts or failure?"
205"i can answer that with a tug of this cord"
206"i cannot answer that"
207"instead of egg mcmuffin they should call it egg mcstuffin' because i can't stop stuffin' my face with dick"
208"hotmail dicks ??!!?!?"
209"netscape dicks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (final)"
210"that's where you're wrong !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (jew dicks)"
211"fool!!!!! jews don't have dicks!!!!!!!!!!!"
212"what do you want to do with your life?!?!?!?!?!?"
213"i wanna suck cock!!!!!!!!!!!"
214"then i realized i wanted to say \"i wanna rock\" but it was too late"
215"i'm a skilled immigrant with a tie and a resume and a dream"
216"great these are tomatoes and there's the truck"
217"where is my fucking nobel prize"
218"excitement in the mouth"
219"i'm smooshing this here twix inside this rocky road marshmellow chocolate bar"
220"the obvious end result being chocolate fatness"
221"you are seriously doubling or tripling the nougat"
222"it's not the nougat that worries me"
223"the jew who had gas (a play in two lines)"
224"oy vey no more leavened bread"
225"is this fat indian girl on northern exposure retarded or what"
226"i'd say a fat indian girl already has three strikes against her"
227"star spangled boners"
228"o say can you hulashglahglahlgahglhalghulahg"
229"i am flopping both my pants pockets out and asking you to kiss the bunny on the nose"
230"that's a big pink elepahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaahurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i'm george of the juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."
231"get that man an ice cold prick"
232"i am currently addicted to age of empires"
233"can someone remind me what is the fucking point of games?"
234"i was born in a small town"
235"licked dick in a small town"
236"it was more like a stall town"
237"hitler just had one ball town"
238"you might say i'm \"smoking marijuana\" \"right now\" and \"i'm really fucking high\""
239"you *might* say that"
240"more like lick dick scape am i right gang?"
241"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
242"i'm hoping for the slashdot effect on my mouth, face"
243"please restrain me hauglhalghalhgluahla all at once"
244"i'm a fresh morning boner"
245"jerk me before you have to go to work"
246"i hate the great state of texas (for no particular reason)"
247"when you get irrational, i get stiff"
248"ok give me a minute here"
249"dicks and pricks baked in the oven and served to me on a silver platter"
250"ok give me a minute here"
251"fucking read from the script"
252"i'm preoccupied with the eastern european situation"
253"this isn't evening at the improv"
254"folks it's like you don't even give a shit what i did last summer"
255"no it's that i *still* don't give a shit what you did last summer"
256"julie andrews may never sing again!?????????!"
257"self immolation i presume"
258"she can star with christopher reeve in \"the woman who choked down the dick of a guy who..."
259"...probably wasn't even aware of it\""
260"my mouth is toilet compliant"
261"i'm going to smoke this dope and see what happens"
262"five hookers?!?!?!?!?!"
263"pants falls down the stairs (again)"
264"i'm not calling the ambulance this time"
265"we're not going to take it"
266"we're not going to take it"
267"really really taking it and trying to look out the window (thinking about ice cream, ice cubes)"
268"i am descending somehow"
269"sinking, being lowered"
270"into a vat of dick ???"
271"too dark to tell (will send updates)"
272"o christmas dong o xmas dong"
273"why for are you squirming?"
274"puppets, muppets, assfistery"
275"just an absolutely awful christmas special"
276"hurf blurf throwing up like the deuce"
277"nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
278"folks i'm really trying hard to escape my estranged husband's stalking and phonecalling..."
279"...and throat-punching"
280"well i ran into a door again!!!!!"
281"then i fell down the stairs and banged my eye against the fist-shaped tile"
282"then while dropping off my two toddlers at daycare..."
283"i myself was dropped off a third floor hotel balcony!!!!!"
284"that'll learn me i guess"
285"oh shit i forgot groceries"
286"balls hanging too low"
287"careful you'll put an eye out"
288"give them room to swing"
289"they are lining up, taking turns, keeping watch, selling me off"
290"hating it but glad i'm good at something"
291"maybe somebody will write a musical about me"
292"lost and confused wait no back to the cell block"
293"the perp must have been in a hurry"
294"he left his precious weapon behind"
295"hurrrrr huhhhhhhh gay poo"
296"law & order will be right back"
297"i said bjork not some dopey faggot"
298"when face raping someone there's something to be said for getting a good running start"
299"also lubrication (usu. tears)"
300"sounds like the note pad and the calculator are fighting again!!!!!!"
301"i'm more useful!!!!!"
302"no i'm more useful!!!!"
303"then find file pops up with \"hey keep it down or i'll call the d.a.\" (get it because they are desk accessories)"
304"and puzzle's all \"fuck you find file!!!!!!!\""
305"my name is *****sherlock*****"
306"then a curtain drops down that looks like macsbug"
307"dude that is freaking me out man"
308"um, i do not remember eating the last bite of pizza so it is around here somewhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
309"i am not sitting on it!!!!!!!!! it did not walk away!!!!!!!!"
310"whoops!!!!!!!!!! that was this morning's empty box"
311"not this evening's double-box with breadsticks poch / dipping sauces"
312"it is schroinger's pizza and is neither in your apartment nor out of it and yet both at the same time"
313"also let's lick dick in unison"
314"we can do it in time to this music"
315"i am learning a lesson in politeness, dicklicking"
316"also pies curiously enough"
317"i think \"hallelujah\" is just a word christians made up so they could have a code word"
318"\"thank god we're not jews anymore\"?"
319"what do i fucking look like a christian to you"
320"if i could be any kind of flower i'd be a big fat angry cock"
321"and i would be the huglurhlughrluh bird"
322"here i have an ordinary deck of cards"
323"here i have a totally ordi"
324"here i have a bunch of unlinked rings"
325"no these are unlicked dicks"
326"why can't i backspace or  r?"
327"because of the love we feel for each other"
328"also because i am holding your head underwater"
329"spluttery soap suds!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
330"get behind your ears"
331"i would like point out that i will be donating this half-full cup of coffee to fight aids"
332"by splashing it on some aids patients' lap (hopefully it is hot)"
333"chin up !!! i've just taken your mind off of your aids for ten seconds (while you shouted and yelped..."
334"...in pain at your scalded nuts)"
335"these patients don't need a friend!!!!!!! they need a doctor!!!!!!!!"
336"clamping the clown nose on my dong and looking for anyone elderly/comatose"
337"god bless this great country of ours"
338"personally i think the nba needs michael landon now more than ever"
339"all right i don't know anything about sports"
340"when your mouth / chokes on dick / like a big fucking prick"
341"when your dong's / getting long / and it's stuck in the bong"
342"seriously i'm out of toilet paper"
343"i have been punched in the head and ass for the last twenty minutes straight"
344"(bruising, swelling, asking for ice)"
345"that is tantamount to exercise!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
346"i know and for that i am ashamed"
347"we have all failed one way or another"
348"maybe we should pull our pants down"
349"i don't see how that will solve any of our"
350"10 adam 12 we have a dicklicking in progress"
351"338 units 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 responding"
352"unit 8 will supervise"
353"does this dress and do these shoes make me look fat?"
354"i think it's the fatness that really does it"
355"try putting the shoes up your ass and the dress over your head"
356"does this dress and do these shoes make me look fat?"
357"i think it's the fatness that really does it"
358"try putting the shoes up your ass and the dress over your head"
359"fuck, i just had this freak accident where i sat down to work and i spilled dope into the bong and the lighter flicked out and set it on fire and the wheels of my chair slipped back and i inhaled the dope smoke and ate a muffin"
360"we should operate immediately"
361"i've got two big boners and a microphone"
362"look at you !!!! your face is a total disgrace..."
363"...to my balls !!!! well up periscope i guess"
364"time to flip over to the tv !!!! let's see what's on !!!!"
365"two fat guys talking"
366"you've been smoking dope again"
367"is that you in there with the radios?!?!? knock knock knock"
368"chong bong dong fong"
369"how are you fixed for pricks"
370"okay r then tumbling down the hill to nc-17 / x"
371"i was hoping for disney money"
372"a humpty dumpty film"
373"it puts the lotion in the basket"
374"dicks ??? more dicks ??? perhaps bigger dicks still ????"
375"welcome to these united houses of pancakes"
376"the don't use bad words puppet hour of dick"
377"you're a strange faggot aren't you"
378"plus i eat things i find on the ground"
379"hook me up yo my tube please"
380"fucking faggot (let's have gay sex)"
381"what if we give up the murder weapon?"
382"haggle gaggle i'm the d.a."
383"executive producer dick wolf"
384"you can only do that while smoking dope"
385"that's because that's the only time you're funny"
386"i could see jerking to claire"
387"but only in a respectful way"
388"i.e. a stoic closed mouth jerk"
389"no claire here (sniff)"
390"as opposed to a logan jerk"
391"which is noisy, wide"
392"very serious, dignified"
393"yay nicole kidman's tits in eyes wide shut (memorial day weekend hluaghalghalghlauagh)"
394"[a [b[b[b[b[b[b[b[b[b[b[b"
395"[b[b[b[b[b[b\{b[b[b[b[b[b[b[a[d[c[b[b"
396"what kind of keyboard do i have anyway"
397"here to be gay / the american way"
398"(sung in smiths-like voice)"
399"i wish to inspect your apparatus"
400"(shouts down hall) he wants to inspect the apparatus"
401"tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap"
402"concerned about all these hackers !!?!!?!! is my credit safe ??? who's peeking at my privacy ?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!???! oh god i can't breathe sir you are choking me"
403"i had aids before it was cool"
404"i cannot believe the insolence !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
405"the general asked you a direct question !!!!!!!!!!!"
406"all you do is make jokes and threaten rape"
407"urf uuf i think we are beyond the threat hug stage hug hug hug hug"
408"you know unix mastered file lockingin the late 1960's"
409"why can't microsoft manage to do it"
410"p-nodes or i-nodes all confused"
411"okay i'm intercepting your packets and decoding your secret gayness so give me money"
412"i see you scanning gay groups and giving out your work number on channel #faggot"
413"sorry thought you were rands"
414"[obscured] proof deuce is gay"
415"wait come back i like black girls"
416"sorry thought i was deuce"
417"one time i was minding my own business"
418"then this mexican rapes me in the mouth and otherwise"
419"man alive i learned a lesson that day"
420"my kneepads are wearing out"
421"my whole life is like the truman show only my ratings need a serious boost due to the lack of cameras or people giving a shit"
422"hulaghlua alhug hal ha glhaulg halg"
423"(brief bursts of dicklicking)"
424"i am not getting paid enough for this part"
425"haghaulghhalulalahgalghalguaghlugaah"
426"halhglauhgluaghlaghlahglagh (more)"
427"uabuaaubauubaubauba <--- what dicklicking sounds like in the u.s.s.r"
428"cocksucking and lace"
429"okay turn the camera off"
430"alguahglahlgalughlahgluag (sub-sonic cocksucking channel)"
431"over there (pointing)"
432"running towards the horizon"
433"ow this is not a flipbook this is an actual boner"
434"not even a viewmaster ?!!?!"
435"ow ow no it is still a boner"
436"folks i have aids!!!!!!!"
437"i know that will be a surprise but i wanted to give you the heads-up and solicit sympathy/donations"
438"folks the police are telling me i can avoid jail if anyone can return the markers i was using to fake aids spots"
439"folks i woke up on the floor of the stall with no shoes"
440"is that gulf war syndrome"
441"are you bob hope cheering me up with news from home and a whore"
442"you're pretty slick you"
443"folks, no more fucking vanilla nut blend"
444"i would like to rule in favor of this dog shit!!!!"
445"squirrrrrrrrrrrrrrlhglhrlghlrhg"
446"i will circle the earth and land where i am ordered to"
447"hulahglahgluuahlhalghlag"
448"see ending with a g is a more controlled cocksucking session"
449"i wish i were toilet trained"
450"note the use of the subjunctive indicating a condition contrary to fact"
451"if they didn't give us so much lip it wouldn't happen"
452"blrhlbuhrlubhrlubhlghrlhghrlbhlughblulh pluh bluhh i am so sorry"
453"hllllllllllgbhlhrluhlbrhlguhlluh huh huh i just can't keep anything down"
454"blgubhglubhrlubhrtlubhrlgurhlburhglubrhglub my fault"
455"concerned about my blister................. and tom hanks' blister?!?!?!?!?!!?"
456"development deals?!?!?!?"
457"bosom blisters?!?!?!? let's go around"
458"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i'm your puppet"
459"uhhhhhhh putting my arm up you"
460"huhhhhhhhhhhh having an arm put up me"
461"i need to be pumped so full of spurt that i cannot see straight"
462"write back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
463"sir this is an engineering/bab5 newsgroup"
464"fan fiction //////////////// fan art?????????????????????????/////////////"
465"if only we could combine filking with dicklicking"
466"folks you're both right"
467"you promised uberdongs"
468"i only see this dirty bucket of dongs here"
469"what have we wrought"
470"lets talk about amiga gfx my nickname will be wolfwings shadowflight"
471"well doing the literature stuff was a royal pain in the ass"
472"it is wrong to destroy literature"
473"it's so much ****fun**** to ****read****"
474"i am judd nelson being sarcastic"
475"folks i've been kicked off the rape survivor's e-group"
476"i really fell like i have been violated twice now"
477"init single user mode"
478"hi and welcome to dicklickers anonymous"
479"and i have a problem with dicklicking"
480"what kind of problem could ever be involved with dicklicking?!?!?"
481"let's all switch roles for the next 30 seconds"
482"ghaglagalglaglaglag i'm rands galgalgalaglagl look at jerkcity glaglagghluhag will you like me more now that i put it up?"
483"that was less fun than planned"
484"i will sue for the right to lick your dick"
485"(pushing rolled up constitution through hole)"
486"i am crossing out article vii and adding amendment xiii"
487"we the plbrlblblrbple"
488"yeah i should have root"
489"sharon stone's heartwarming performance in \"whore\""
490"where she rescues a kid and pimps him"
491"i'm propped up like a soldier and stopped up like a toilet"
492"your hands are tight around my fat neck"
493"choking and teaching all at the same time"
494"gakkkk mostly choking"
495"it is mostly choking"
496"well cockmouth.gif was exactly as advertised"
497"marking fixed & closed"
498"does being circumsized count"
499"if that were true, we'd all be jews"
500"i would like for my toilet to be deeper"
501"i.e. for the poop would fall farther"
502"the fall should be long enough that the poop is scared"
503"scared or scarred (listening intently)"
504"scared as in frightened for its physical safety"
505"if there was some way it would scream on the way down that would be best"
506"it is the only way the poo will learn"
507"loose lips lick dicks"
508"someone is crushing my balls"
509"it could be my fatness"
510"your wife (you did not get enough peanut butter)"
511"let's not overlook my fatness here"
512"please write to me slowly as i am in the soviet union"
513"we only have 2400 baud"
514"i will not be able to view your 21mb avi attachment, i had to abort the download"
515"i am woman / see me grow"
516"the kuddle wuddle kitty klub web ring"
517"next five sites?!?!?!!? yes please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
518"hi i liked your site very much!!!! i have a cat who i cuddle every day!!!!!! write back!!!"
519"hi i wrote you a few days agao !!! writing in case it disappeared into the net"
520"hi is this ring still active?!?!?!?"
521"*smash* i have thrown a potted plant from your front yard thorugh your window!!!!"
522"sorry to interrupt your dinner but i would like to cuddle your cat!!!!!!"
523"surprise!!!! i am cuddling your toddler's balls"
524"i am counting on an x with our piss this saturday !!!!!!!!!! bring protractor"
525"if we cross beams we will die"
526"then i guess we should both use the force???? reading faq"
527"i beg your puhhlglhglhglhg"
528"jimmy poop is here to meet jimmy shithead"
529"poop and shithead will get on like a house on fire"
530"they're bringing both their sons"
531"fuckface and little jimmy shithead"
532"so fuckface's last name is poop?"
533"let's both select notepad from the apple menu"
534"i say we get the ball rolling, the party started"
535"houston we've had a problem"
536"you have to say over !!!"
537"beep boop boop how do i get linux to recognize ata drives"
538"my cd player is squeaking and squawking like my fucking girlfriend"
539"my boner lies over the ocean"
540"my boner lies over the sea"
541"well now that i have some time to myself i think it's time to think about redecorating"
542"i mean i could put up some pink flannel up on that wall"
543"and some pink triangle posters over there"
544"and a few tubs of k-y jelly and a big black dildo on that counter"
545"and everything would look spiffy"
546"i'll be the envy of all those meanies at the knitting club !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
547"dana nana nana nana na - pac man"
548"you have the right to remain silent"
549"look i leave for five seconds and look what you two have done"
550"hey how about a little chatter folks"
551"i'm gay, working on gayer"
552"i have already achieved gayer and i'm working on going back"
553"that is a crime against god and man"
554"it's just for practice"
555"setenv horny yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
556"where is the fucking porn room"
557"can they be transferred through the bbs or do i have to log out for that"
558"switching to runlevel q"
559"watching you watching him switch"
560"hoping it involves a hlagula and some bhulaghlahglg"
561"we are all watching the dongs"
562"i am making you a pool (squatting, thrusting)"
563"could one of you please give me a boost so i can better stalk fiona apple"
564"folks can we get some expert analysis of the ongoing kosovo crisis?!?!?!?!"
565"let's all sound off with our two cents!!!!!!!!!!!"
566"i take it up the ass"
567"is this ring still active"
568"here comes seattle's fattest faggot"
569"i spilled piss on my new carpet"
570"a little jizz will take that right out"
571"can we lick it, can we prick it"
572"hulbghulgdbhulbgdbghuldbgdhulbagdhlbgdhlugb"
573"that is a lincos-like message transmitted to all the nearby sunlike stars"
574"they will realize that earth is populated by fucking homos and stay clear"
575"what if they have crazy alien e.t. style dicks for us to lick ?!?!?"
576"they might say hey ape-like cocksucking beasts let's land there"
577"they are almost certainly millions of years ahead of us in technology and straight"
578"i cannot dong and chong alone here"
579"i will bong and fong with you"
580"i consider that a victory"
581"it is truly a design win"
582"tell them about the good book"
583"hi queers, i'm just out spreading the word of god"
584"for every dick you consciously decide to choke down"
585"that's one step closer to not making it into the kingdom"
586"i'm talking about the queer kingdom south of folsom"
587"i'm seriously inviting you to fuck my face"
588"i will accept the invitation (as well as the responsibility)"
589"please remove your dong from my armpit"
590"i am keeping it warm (winter)"
591"i find it hard to believe this is all for some pisscam project but i'm trying hard to hold steady"
592"+5 mousepad of jerking"
593"so i signed up for joining a penal colony but well long story short it wasn't what i thought it was going to be"
594"we have all made that mistake"
595"i wish that computers could bring us closer together"
596"you said there was water on the moon and instead it's just more goddamn cocksucking"
597"please help me pick out a gown for the cocksuckers ball"
598"i'd like to open this meeting with this rap song about linux!!!!!! i made it on the bus!!!!"
599"does anyone have a cord that can go from a walkman to the wall outlet!?!!!?"
600"folks, \"puffies\" refer to puffy nipples"
601"the back of this toilet is the lysol-clean i can trust"
602"i can see my face in the tile"
603"i can see your face in the tile"
604"i can see my nose in the tile"
605"we can all see your face in the tile"
606"now let's get back to work"
607"now i cannot see?????????"
608"the closest distance between two points is beating off !!!"
609"surely you're sucking my dick mr. feynman ?!?!??!?!"
610"he smiles even though i am punching him, using him as a jackoff familiar"
611"glaghalghalghlaghlahg"
612"is that the sound of you pouring all your beer down the toilet and shaving and putting on a smart shirt and going to church and getting your act together??!?!??!??!!"
613"aghlaghalghalhagaalhglh (more forceful now)"
614"and greensleeves and greenpeace the same thing"
615"sorry hr lady !!!!!!!!! i beat off to blondes i don't talk to them"
616"can you get pregnant from anal sex"
617"we will conduct 1000 scientific trials also we will need another 1000 for the control group"
618"(i vote for more sufferage)"
619"you have contaminated the pool"
620"it's the pecking order motherfucker"
621"it's more like a circle"
622"i like the rands ones huabaubg"
623"tell pants can you two step"
624"when pushed really hard from behind yes"
625"you refuse to be dominated in a male world ?!?!?"
626"because big dicks hurt my mouth!!!!!"
627"right so i'm a faggot and you're a faggot"
628"you will get poo on you (i am warning you)"
629"denzel's using a powerbook so you know the movie is fake right there"
630"you might be a redneck if ..................."
631"let's go around !!!!!!"
632"squeezing my neck with your fist"
633"that is how it turns red you see"
634"then i might be a redneck"
635"balls????????????????"
636"i love what you've done with your mouth"
637"feels different somehow"
638"were you enjoying a box of triscuits"
639"i am telling you to twist paddle 0 and you are twisting paddle 1"
640"canadian boners taste like maple for some reason"
641"it's the red pointy thing on their flag"
642"oh lord my intestines are wrapped around my gym shorts"
643"it's time for the rands show"
644"sound of pants dropping>"
645"thank you all for coming"
646"i am sad to report i am dying from dicklicker's disease but i really think you'll find my required treatment ironic and inexpensive !!!!!!!!!! f-r-e-e"
647"i will start a club called the gay and lesbian and homosexual and lesbian and lesbian and gay and homosecual and gay and lesbian and gay and gay and homosexual and gay and lesbian and gay club it will be called the galahalalagahagalagagahagalag club"
648"i will join (here are my dues)"
649"the stark story of a family living in the milennium and the problems they are faced with as they are killed off one by one"
650"five months standing in line!!!!!!!!!!!!"
651"five months in the rain and cold!!!!!!!!"
652"five months of blistering heat!!!!!!!!!!!"
653"five months of people laughing at me and my stupid clothes and freakish friends!!!!!!!!!!!!"
654"five months of people driving by and spraying me with gunfire and urine balloons!!!!!!!!!!!!"
655"five long months of saving up for toys and merchandise!!!!!!!!!!!!"
656"quiet!!!!! the opening credits!!!!!!!!!!!!"
657"i can just barely see you all through the piss curtain"
658"do you mean the curtain of piss"
659"or the piss curtains in the living room/bedroom/dining room"
660"it's more of a never-ending waterfall"
661"oh you mean you and your twelve friends standing above me in a semi-circle"
662"that's clever and creative"
663"there are more above in the rafters/catacombs"
664"my dong is what you would call \"al dente\""
665"we should start licking for the new year --> now <--"
666"that's a big --> can do <--"
667"hughughughughughugghgulhgughughu t deuce that was more of a choking"
668"i knocked the bong over"
669"you're just rubbing it into the carpet"
670"slapfighting like girls"
671"what i like to do is add the phrase \"in bed\" to the end of my fortune cookies!!!!!!!!!!"
672"i will lick dick ... in bed!!!!!!"
673"i will cut off my dong and balls ... in bed!!!!!!!!!!"
674"i have a keen eye for raping prostitutes and cloroxing them down the bathtub ... in bed !!!!!!!!!!"
675"just you and me (and porn)"
676"someone needs the nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching wheezing stuffy-head fever so you can suck a dick medicine"
677"together ..... we will ........ pray for cock"
678"oh dear lord god in heaven"
679"lhgahlaghlghlgalhaghlgalh down he drain we go"
680"net yaroze !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
681"even kids with dongs"
682"also kids with bongs"
683"man sandra bernhard is fucking disgusting"
684"yes she is a freakish whorebag thing"
685"hey great you're pregnant get the fuck off my screen"
686"she would look normal except for her face and body"
687"pretty much if you replaced everything with something else then she would be awesome"
688"(also dark spraypaint is required)"
689"not so keen on the spray paint (unless we use gold)"
690"hey look everyone i'm italian"
691"mmm that's a good pizza pie"
692"my red and white striped shirt sure fits nice"
693"holy god my weiner just got fat like a salami when i said that"
694"i'm giovanni the italian pedophile"
695"calzones will keep my mind off boys"
696"i'm going to spurt off right here in my tight pants"
697"in the movie se7en i played the guy on the cot with the tubes in his balls"
698"please don't tell anyone about my boner under the table at thanksgiving"
699"not in cz or kr or jp or glkgrbl"
700"why does shopkosovo.com keep going down"
701"i will close my eyes"
702"i will visualize a better life for me and my wife and my little boy"
703"god damnit why am i married why ten fucking grandchildren"
704"too much poo said poppa bear"
705"please override my virtual member"
706"i can only override you if you are a virtual member function sir"
707"now you're talking motherfucker"
708"the one where kirk and uhura kiss"
709"i would like to fart in your face for the full hour"
710"i think that would be at the $60 level"
711"i'm going to leave my dong cooling on the windowsill!!!!!!!!!!! nobody better choke it down while i'm taking a nap"
712"it took me two kit-kats just to get to the video store!!!!!!!!! and two reese's cups just to get home"
713"i hid a bomb in the coffee shop somewhere in san francisco"
714"i drink coffee at home"
715"you tricked me (falling from the sky)"
716"two bombs?!?!?!?!? (back up in the air)"
717"okay i don't get the new jerkcity at all"
718"you have thirty seconds and then i call the cops"
719"sorry for the wide distribution (or piss all over the toilet papers and towels)"
720"stephen king's the poking"
721"it's showtime at my balls"
722"another bad experience with a tongue depressor"
723"lift your fucking feet when you walk otherwise w.w.iii"
724"and muffins with icing"
725"i don't log in for nothing"
726"garlic bagels with garlic butter !!!"
727"i thought you said garlic balls"
728"it's not about licking dick it's about licking dick under oath"
729"dear madonna, please show me your boobs again"
730"goddamnit lady i said on the phone i needed someone to dribble and drool long stringy strands of slobber all over my dick and subsequently her face !!!!!!!!!! instead you are copping some loser-bitch attitude which forces me to band your head against the marble sink"
731"the mating rituals of spigot"
732"next on discovery????? or biography"
733"you've made us the laughing stock of the entire quadrant"
734"kevorkian eyeballs coffee cake"
735"do they have those in prison?"
736"i mean aside from the stiff unwanted anal rape"
737"did someone say prison rape"
738"now that's a lethal injection!!!!! am i right ?!??!?!"
739"let's give it up for doctor kerpunkian which is your new name as of(looking at dong) right now"
740"i'm a short wide goth who's making a cyberdifference!"
741"straight to hell for you and you and you"
742"not you you're the cocksucking tool"
743"a great good goddamn let's hear it shout it out"
744"dicks (trying really really hard)"
745"cccp (i'm clear on the three c's but help me out with the rest)"
746"in cahoots with tits"
747"i am still only thirty five cents"
748"this is the worst marvel team-up ever"
749"good lord get that guy a dick stat he's in dickless delerium"
750"nominated for a 1998 webby award!!!!!!#($@)(#%gblhrlubhrbu)"
751"suicide is the only way out now"
752"i am going to withdraw my last few dollars and buy a gun and tour the stalls of america"
753"going out in a blaze of glory (piss, toilets)"
754"it's sucker punch a queer month at your northern california mazda dealer"
755"i swear to god i'm lois lane and those are not heroin needles"
756"if christopher reeve gets to be paralyzed then i get to be crazy"
757"sprackenze ****dicks****"
758"punch pound whap slap lash fencepost beatings freezings shootings and communities coming together"
759"can someone help me debug this please:"
760"click here to flap inside!!"
761"try moving to seattle that'll fix it"
762"i wish i could dial nine to get my head outside of the toilet"
763"there is no such thing as a bathroom patrol"
764"and you are not officer dongalong"
765"but you know what i am willing to be arrested, chained somewhere"
766"so you have kidnapped me"
767"instructed me to take the dollars that get poked through the hole in the wall..."
768"...and hand them small bags of cocaine?!?!?"
769"and i am handcuffed to this hot water heater pipe??????"
770"do i get a break anytime soon?!?!?!!? sir with the ghetto blaster and rap cd's"
771"feeling especially dancy / prancy this morning"
772"i am punching your pre-paid blowjob card twice because you did not bathe today"
773"make that three times (uncircumsized)"
774"online filters help my parents decide !!!! and they keep me safe !!!"
775"dad's brushing my mouth out with something"
776"i'm a bad motherfucker don't you know"
777"i can sense and smell that"
778"how can twenty year old probes are still working fine"
779"but the shit we put together now keeps breaking before it gets anywhere"
780"because they don't make tape and string like they used to"
781"it's all plastics now"
782"also the young kids today are significantly more stoned than their forefathers"
783"didn't you see andromeda strain?!?!? and that's where the stuff is !!! so no kidding it's broken"
784"how can a virus that kills everything stay alive for ninety boring minutes"
785"quaker oats makes quisp"
786"this movie does not have chris noth!!!!! it is peter north"
787"why is he doing that to claire"
788"i longed for this moment and yet now it's someone else"
789"is he planting evidence on her face????? i am totally lost here"
790"it is me who is exiled"
791"i just told some stupid marketing whore she was a hot little fillie!!!!!"
792"and she made one of those \"mad, outraged\" faces"
793"then i pulled her blouse up over her head and squeezed her titties right through her bra!!!!!!"
794"well back to looking at porn"
795"perhaps a major-motion picture about poop, poo"
796"comp me with sandwiches and chips and pricks willya"
797"are we down on the farm again ?!? oh boy"
798"i will milk you, collect your eggs and be your baby duckling"
799"yes sir no sir sucking dick sir"
800"all my cocks in a big fat row sir"
801"cockslut, dirt hold, prick hound, piss-scented, spent hose, ropy trajectory, mopping jizz, ball-shriveling, cowlike"
802"i'll have you know a \"faggot\" can also mean a tightly wrapped bundle of dicks!!!!"
803"i guess i had a freudian splurt!!! i mean spluttery face!!!!! i mean faggoty slobbergblkgpth"
804"here comes the hotstepper"
805"there he is !!!!!!!!"
806"pants in the motherfuckin' house"
807"pants belches up sperm"
808"cruising for pricks, curly fries"
809"should i get another beer? [y/n]"
810"that is an invalid answer"
811"should i get another beer? [y/n]"
812"you are a fucking faggot"
813"should i get another beer? [y/n]"
814"should i get another beer? [y/n]"
815"trying to teach you a lesson !!!"
816"i'm going to keep you in a box"
817"you can't handle the truth !!!"
818"never gonna get it / never gonna get it"
819"never gonna get / your stupid album"
820"b-2 stealth bombers make combat debut ?? i hope not as what they were originally designed for"
821"these bombs are dropping courtesy of taco bell and pepsi !!!!!!!!!"
822"yo quiero taco bell !!!!!!!! boom smash burn"
823"operation allied force ?!?!?!? can't we come up with something better than that"
824"got milk?!?!?!!?!?!? crash smash explode"
825"i would like to see operation bomb all other nations"
826"originally published february 30, 1999"
827"how did you get into my pants"
828"a gaggle of faggoty faggots"
829"this is what it sounds like when doves cry"
830"hurf hurf hurf hurf hurf hurf hurf"
831"sir in the next stall are you masturbating or beating eggs for am omelette"
832"there are a lot of comics on the internet"
833"what are we going to do about it ???"
834"throw you at them and hope you distract them long enough for us to escape"
835"i wish i could just flap my arms and fly away from the cruelty and fatness (but not from the hamburgers and hamburgers with cheese)"
836"i wasn't going to lick dick, then i realized i have to be flexible"
837"having it smeared i suppose (following along even though it is dark, cold out)"
838"not real sure about this"
839"the lantern went out"
840"brad chad and thad !!!"
841"brad chad and thad who ???"
842"who cares !!! hompth thbpblgh hblrtktp*&%"
843"appears java isn't saving the world as planned"
844"maybe some sort of pisslet"
845"let's go to the moon and lick dick"
846"you know we don't have to go to the moon for all that"
847"(i.e., a space in my bathroom just opened up)"
848"the whole point is that we get nasa involved"
849"let's go to the moon and lick dick"
850"i'm seriously suggesting we slurp and suck in a sincere, patient manner"
851"i am slowly morphing into a total cocksucker !!!"
852"the before and after snapshots are exactly the same ?!?"
853"along with each frame during the morph ???"
854"well that can mean only one thing !!!"
855"hompth hurmpth i was a cocksucker the whold god damn time hurmpth purmpthglk"
856"everyone be quiet i have something to say !!!"
857"huhhuhuhuhuhuh chuck wollery please find me a date"
858"gghlgghglghlglgh okay having sex with chuck wollery"
859"i think i made a love connection"
860"folks can we have just a moment for harvey milk and former governor moscone"
861"jean charles you fool you have left gay voicemail to the entire company"
862"you are eating all the tarmac"
863"that is the only way i will become strong (thinking it's spinach)"
864"the poop deck is full again"
865"get a mop (do not pee on it)"
866"i will drug you and fuck you"
867"i'm a limpwrithted jedi mathter uthing the forth"
868"jesus the gayness is overwhelming"
869"you will have to learn to control it or you will never survive in the wild"
870"today's episode is inverted for the chinese"
871"are you an 8 ball chick"
872"i will get back to you on that"
873"you don't even want to be a part of the equation, just a victim"
874"television for women"
875"now here's a bunch of ads for cleaning products"
876"battered women's shelters"
877"with pictures of kitty cats !!!"
878"we now return to two fat ladies"
879"operation noble anvil ?!!?! fucking homos are in charge of the military"
880"besides shouldn't we be the hammer ?!??!!? you uneducated military idiots"
881"i think they mean they are dropping an anvil like in the cartoons"
882"you bunched-up cocksucker"
883"originally published february 29, 1999"
884"how about a fat wise indian woman with a dot, bobbing her head around straight into the camera of a soft focus sprint commercial claiming her stake in the internet generation ??? surprise folks !!! nobody yahoos"
885"who put on the pachelbel (the ge soft lightbulb song)"
886"yes folks when you're eighteen years old the word sodomy is new and funny"
887"please fucking choke on these ten shotguns"
888"hang around the loser nin klub and see how funny it is"
889"and where is my fucking barely legal for april"
890"it's all about you isn't it"
891"i like dick ????? do you"
892"your response was lost in the mountain of spam and dos attacks"
893"hello can you hear me ??? hello ?!? [x] i like dick <--- see !!! i checked the box"
894"jfk jr's plane is late !!!!"
895"will this impact my subscription to george"
896"so anyone want to get a net and fish jfk, jr.'s body out of the water ?!?!?"
897"arrrrg this be martha's boneyard"
898"is jfk related to the kfc colonel"
899"covered with plane fuel and parts of his wife"
900"maybe they'll name an underwater airport after him ???? write back"
901"i sure hope he's finger-lickin' safe !!!!!"
902"john f. kennedy jr. found alive, weary"
903"john f. kennedy jr. assassinated !!!!!!"
904"sorry folks !!!!!!! not john kennedy, just mtv's kennedy !! sincerely cnn"
905"now here's an endlessly cycling recap of her brilliant career"
906"here's me wearing thick horn-rimmed glasses because urban outfitters had a sale"
907"here's me blowing kurt loder on his private yacht"
908"my first paycheck !!! big smiles"
909"oops !!! unearthed tape of me and ed powers"
910"hey did i ever tell you i was almost on letterman?!??!"
911"no wonder dana plato overdosed herself"
912"does oral sex count as gay sex"
913"i should join the military !!!!"
914"air force ??? navy ???? marines ?!??!!? too old what the"
915"coast guard ?!!?!? dicklickers force ?!?!??"
916"i would go with the force thing"
917"i don't actually want to run around !!! i just want to suck them all off !!!"
918"like a chicken with its head cut off except not actually a headless chicken"
919"and not even really running around more like just sitting still taking the dicks every which way"
920"sista 4, this one was a wall to wall whore extravaganza, all girls and consequently little or no spurt (just saliva)"
921"i don't know what you're talking about"
922"don't know what you're talking about"
923"man the battlestations, men"
924"so you say you're a 38 year old wireless communications consultant living and work in the bar area, who loves cats and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz honk huh listening"
925"drowning in it (palmolive)"
926"i am the biggest sliders fan ever"
927"jesus god i can't wait for the intelligent agent technology in office 2000"
928"dancing paper clips are chasing me and i am forced to recant my earlier testimony"
929"click beep boop 1 meg of 2.6 gigs install beep beep click delete"
930"no i meant to type cocks"
931"quiet while i read tom clancy's force of poking"
932"people i'm the blair witch"
933"people work with me this is an indie"
934"strong boner related crypto at work here people"
935"trying to crack the code (ie figure out how the stupid 501 bluejeans zipper works)"
936"thank god for button fly bluhhhh duh glormpth"
937"the prickalino !!!!!!!"
938"what are its nesting habits"
939"it likes to poke and prod"
940"not me glhablhbhgabhllgh pass the ketchup glabhglhbglhbl"
941"folks let's spend billions to get escort girls out of our neighborhoods !!! and mandatory awareness seminars for would-be customers who we can set up and bust by pretending to be those escort girls !!!"
942"lack of hispanics on tv decried"
943"i'm a little confused about this whole sendmail thing"
944"a little sick of poptarts"
945"i can't imagine why you sure ate enough"
946"one more box of apple jacks and then that's probably enough"
947"are you jenna jameson because i am seriously stiff"
948"i swear i have absolutely no legal obligation to answer that question"
949"i wan too go to jesa"
950"i wan too go wiv criez"
951"i can go wiv jesa ef i ac rell nize"
952"groups fighting for drug legalization are also upset about a second portion of the hatch-feinstein bill. it creates another felony, punishable by up to 10 years in the federal pen, banning distribution \"by any means\" of information about \"the manufacture or use of a controlled substance\" if the recipient might use it to get high."
953"if you want to get high, take drugs !!! now can i please go to prison or possibly some manner of uncharted boot camp experience brrrrr"
954"i would like to suck cocks with a -r for recursive and a -f to be forced !!!"
955"don't forget the --queer (not telling what this means)"
956"not interested in the -s option"
957"let's all lick eight dicks"
958"arggggg !!! i havbe these pieces of eight !!?"
959"clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp"
960"hurmph clatter clank bonk urf smash crash son of a"
961"clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp"
962"clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp"
963"we can prick & we can poke"
964"we can fuck & we can choke"
965"but the pest part of all"
966"hugalugah toilet sex"
967"i do not see the hallmark logo on the back glhalgh oh my god tricked again"
968"to calculate how many dicks i've licked you'd need one of those hilarious web page counters that keeps spinning and flipping out of control with the numbers appearing to race upward to infinity but really only getting to 999999 before resetting to 000000"
969"as the pacman does near the endgame"
970"i don't watch doctor who you idiot"
971"folks i have been waiting for godot for a good ten-fifteen minutes"
972"free time on your hands? think dick"
973"are bukakke and perquacky the same type deal"
974"rolling dice with letters and two hundred fags beating off on my face"
975"there is nothing like boggle"
976"lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ow"
977"it's lonely on the top (of the shit pile)"
978"i would like to report an unlicked dick in the northwest corner of my pants !!!"
979"someone get on the horn to c|net"
980"i'm all over this stand back everybody huga gluag laug lagual"
981"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
982"it's completely unlicked over there !!!"
983"i took an oath to roam near and far, licking dicks"
984"just kidding it was my dick the whole time and we're all okay"
985"well i finished the leftover pontillos pizza and the leftover frozen pizza and now i'm going for the pizza-flavored croissant pockets and then anything remotely shaped like or in the same room as piza"
986"i have my wang stuck in a hot pocket so snap it up motherfucker"
987"was the hot pocket cooked or no"
988"i will get back to you on that"
989"algualgualgualgualgualgualg"
990"alguaalgualgualgualgualgualalgualgualgualgualgualgual"
991"algualgualgualgualgualg"
992"disconnect my doodle-dong"
993"not going to say bad words anymore"
994"how come tonight the moon is all full when yesterday the moon was bruised and reddish beaten like a date gone all bad"
995"it fell down the stairs"
996"you know what's the worst part about licking dick ?!?!?!"
997"let's talk about dicks now (because we never talk about that)"
998"that wasn't much of a discussion"
999"it's not my fault that you're bereft of lbhalbhglbhalbhglbhlbhlbhlga"
1000"holy god there they are"
1001"glhblhgblhagblhgblghblhgblghb"
1002"the dicks, the dicks"
1003"trying to fist myself and failing"
1004"you are dead to me like juanito"
1005"funny thing happened in the big stall just before i came out here"
1006"so i'm suckin' away at this guy's dick right"
1007"he reaches over and clocks me square in the chops"
1008"so i can't help it and i clamp down my queer mouth"
1009"so i figure i'll calm him down and i pull out some judy blume books"
1010"just a little impromptu open reading, first blubber then superfudge"
1011"okay looks like my time's up"
1012"i'll be here all week"
1013"sitting at the bus stop calculating how to divide $5.00 in quarters between porno booths & snickers"
1014"only god and the hubble telescope know what i'm beating off to"
1015"also those cia spy satellites"
1016"dammit who let hitler in"
1017"we'd better do as der fuhrer says"
1018"none of you are listening !!! einer clampen !!! i am leaving forever"
1019"you know what ?!?!?!? i don't think we've seen the last of him"
1020"keep away from children"
1021"how the fuck are they supposed to get high"
1022"i will hold the lighter for them"
1023"grow up and put the bong in your mouth you goddamn baby"
1024"i'll really give you something to smoke dope about"
1025"(a) i like to shoot things"
1026"(b) i like to smash things"
1027"(c) i like to suck things"
1028"i'd like to complain about this porn video"
1029"it's got no jerkoffable girls"
1030"or however you say it"
1031"i don't know all the legal mumbo jumbo"
1032"if the whole world licks dick in unison would anyone be able to hear it ?!?? or would it all just cancel out"
1033"i will answer that question by dragging a stack of gay porn onto a desktop printer and going home for the weekend"
1034"the answer is we need more toner and something is jammed"
1035"here in the lab we're developing artificially intelligent cocks that suck themselves and also each other"
1036"holy god the experiment is out of control"
1037"unit 0, revision 3. 8543515 bytes received in 10.5 seconds (461904 bytes/s) wonder why all the 4.4 derived clientz give bytes/s rewrite named in perl /home/ftp/mn (zimilar to /home/web/nm) domain niz.com not bound rpc failure - clntudp_create()(ttyq10) [ sun sep 14 20:18:00 ] the software installed on this system has existing conflictz. exit allowed becauze \"rulezoverride\" option is zet. *** line not found err caution! thiz file contains critical kernel stats '/pci01f,4000/ide03/ata00.0\" 0 \"ata\" hpp sunv,hpp pn sunv.pn rootnex cpu-unit rootnex in-unit dbri sunv.dbrid sunv,"
1038"i am late for my 2:00 am bonghit"
1039"that bong is going to be steamed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1040"speaking of ordering chinese food"
1041"beep boop boop beep beep boop beep"
1042"fong dong number two!!!"
1043"chong bong three and four!!!!"
1044"licky dicky and choppy sticky!!!!!"
1045"halghalughalubhalugh"
1046"well what number is this"
1047"all of our faces, i suggest to you"
1048"i submit that spigot has an important but subtle point"
1049"fat face, legs, boobs, etc and boring sucking skills"
1050"jeannette littledove"
1051"boring and penthouse"
1052"concerned for my safety"
1053"i love girls everyone"
1054"hating fags right now"
1055"mmm hurr loving dick"
1056"our most precious resource"
1057"hurrrrrrr literally too fat to push and punch the joypad"
1058"hey let's go to lunch together and slap each other's dicks with chopsticks"
1059"p.s. when i come back i'd like to be called \"g dogg\""
1060"because i will have joined a gang"
1061"holy christables i'll bet they're not a gang"
1062"man am i pissed with jizzy j."
1063"i will tie a sponge to the pipes so when you bang your head it hurts less"
1064"pelease do not eat the dishwasher detergent"
1065"stop playing with the ant poison and pay attention to my attentionables"
1066"love me hulrhlghgluhgluhgulg"
1067"i should have tied that sponge up there"
1068"seven ways from dongday"
1069"they have the same number of atoms"
1070"but yet something is lost"
1071"you are hereby ejected from this course"
1072"i could teach this course with one hand tied behind my haulghulaulagh"
1073"excuse me i have a call coming in hualghahlguauhlgag oh god"
1074"but i just took a shit how could i need to go again ??"
1075"actually concentrate on the toilet instead of reading or beating off????"
1076"shit with your heart and not just your dumb ass"
1077"furrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp uncontrollable diarrhea"
1078"none of that even made it in the bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1079"i'll take two buckets"
1080"you are the dick checkout counter????"
1081"this one doesn't have a price tag"
1082"goodnight fat guy at the end of the"
1083"do you need some help in there"
1084"no i think you require assistance of some sort"
1085"struggling with the lock"
1086"seriously fine in here"
1087"knocking loudly here"
1088"you really need somebody to watch over you in there"
1089"there's room for one more come on"
1090"i am asking you nicely to please stay out"
1091"i am demanding to be let inside please"
1092"okay on the count of three you come in and i get out (no eye contact)"
1093"i'm impatient and therefore standing on the urinal to peek over"
1094"don't look at my gay little legs"
1095"okay the urinal it turns out was slick with urine and i have fallen on the cold tile"
1096"get your head out from underneath my partition"
1097"i am trying to use the toilet and i find your antics disconcerting"
1098"help me up off the floor and into the stall with you"
1099"i'm a big faggy rag doll"
1100"none of this was in the brochure"
1101"is that drunk fat man in the gutter harry knowles????????"
1102"hey man you the guy who used to do ain't it cool news ???????????"
1103"and next to him why it's matt drudge"
1104"what a scoop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *fomp* flash"
1105"so let's all go to the moon and lick dick!!! right this way !!!"
1106"you keep saying we'll go to the moon but it never happens"
1107"quite frankly i don't think humankind (especially fags) will ever leave the atmosphere"
1108"this area is white and spacelike but it is clearly the john and not the lunar landscape you promised"
1109"standing on a chair and beating off, hoping the vibrations resonate through our intergalactic community and broadcast a message to gay aliens (or as i like to call them \"mexicans\")"
1110"no i think you're thinking of the europeans (anyone from europe really)"
1111"i think i know how to refer to the cocks i suck thank you very fucking much"
1112"(turning around and erasing something in a notebook, scribbling in whatever you said)"
1113"how come i haven't even tried to jerk off to my new porn ?!?!?!? a dilemma (also an analema)"
1114"i am part of the committee for placing nuts on top of other nuts"
1115"you have my personal guarantee of safety and/or satisfaction"
1116"cmon put 'em right here"
1117"someday that line will work"
1118"every time i reach into the can the pringles are farther away ???"
1119"is this some sort of quantum tubular phenomenon ?!?"
1120"my fist is getting squished into spaghetti here !!!"
1121"moosh it all around like it's pasghetti"
1122"it is best to tear the can to bits right when you open it"
1123"you know you're going to eat them all anyway"
1124"if i reach down deep enough i'll be back in time before i even opened them and i will have lots !!!"
1125"i hope i don't cut myself on the lid !!!"
1126"you are clearly travelling faster than light !!!"
1127"what is the number to 911"
1128"somebody better tell my nuts to shut up"
1129"shut up nuts seriously people are looking"
1130"i'm on this kick where i first watch love boat"
1131"i don't want to hear the conclusion"
1132"i am still waiting for an answer"
1133"the next time you hang a man make sure he's hlug ahaghlag hlahu"
1134"i too have questions with regard to the toilet"
1135"when can i leave, can you please get off me"
1136"lick dick prick stick spick hoo bluh duh"
1137"what find round balls you have"
1138"let's talk about how we need 90 dollars to do our drycleaning"
1139"oops, can't pay the phone bill better charge some clothes"
1140"this base really brings out how hard math is for me"
1141"this flowery perfume sure is nice, wish i were a man so i could afford it"
1142"it's sad that all i have to offer is a mouth"
1143"maybe these birth control pills will make me feel better"
1144"i don't know why i'm so sad"
1145"things that are blue"
1146"things you put in your mouth"
1147"things that choke you and turn you blue"
1148"things that force you to suck them after you are unconscious"
1149"you're costing me the entire $100,000 pyramid"
1150"will jenna jameson have a squirt booth at the lilith fair"
1151"she will just blend in with all the other blonde big boobed borings"
1152"i've got to comb my hair and leave the stall like a normal person!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nobody is staring at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1153"if we touch dicks will there be an arc"
1154"folks it turns out nantucket cranberry lemonade bottlecaps are just wide enough"
1155"to fall down into the bong"
1156"and create a tight seal"
1157"which can only be released with a long pencil!!!!!"
1158"careful of the sploosh!!!!!!!!!!!"
1159"in your fucking idiot face!!!!!!!"
1160"it is called a mouth and it is located on my face"
1161"do i need to buy you a star map"
1162"i am an astrogator second degreeglhgalhablhubglhubahluablhugbalhblhuab"
1163"what would christ do"
1164"he would make an o of his mouth and go about his business"
1165"my name is rands rands rands"
1166"i have a plan plan plan"
1167"to lick your dick dick dick"
1168"and lick it quick quick quick"
1169"yes i am still a character on jerkcity"
1170"llhlhlhlhlhlhlh i am the greatest cocksucker ever to grace this god's earth"
1171"a dollop please (nothing more, nothing less)"
1172"perl can help me iterate over the cocks in a given stall, mark each as sucked or unsucked and sort them by length. then i can be gay with piss and go home and take a nap"
1173"you're cordially invited"
1174"suck 'em or stuff 'em"
1175"i said wrong and fuck you and we're on to deuce"
1176"the absence of a definite article in the gerund phrase of that sentence means that as a result of a dangling participle it's not totally clear how much dick i have to suck during the holidays"
1177"dumb it down a little i'm working here"
1178"have a very berry christmas"
1179"it sounds like merry but it is in fact a different word"
1180"words that sound alike but have different meanings are called homophobes"
1181"let's form a rap super group"
1182"and sing about education and math"
1183"we'll make learning fun for inner-city sociopaths"
1184"a pthh a puthhh rappin bout math"
1185"two times seven times six is three"
1186"beatin' the wife leaves no remainder"
1187"two rapes goes into how many years"
1188"i've got wessonality"
1189"holy hurrrrrrrrrr bhadbvlahkr fvadh dfubdflbhdf"
1190"bdfk;jbbjdajklbjl;djkbdfjkbjk;fjdbjlsa"
1191"bhabsdfbkadfbl bhadklb dfbjdlbk dbj dfb"
1192"call the police this is hurrrrrrrrrrrr"
1193"bump bump bump fffffffffffff"
1194"how about you and me and a blanket and my robocop tape"
1195"just say yes and let's move on"
1196"i'm afraid i'm going to have to get an answer on that last query"
1197"there was a robocop iii you know (so don't be racist)"
1198"you and me and a bottle of yoohoo and a law & order from 1991 ???!?!??!?"
1199"who pushed mr. reeve off the space needle"
1200"who wants to watch me jerk off to final fantasy vii ??!??!?!??!?"
1201"or me to just regular vi"
1202"cheers to pricks !!!!!"
1203"jeers to locks/deadbolts"
1204"what made truman capote such a complete faggot"
1205"dicks i would venture"
1206"i tinkle and then i stop tinkling and then after i pull my pants up there's a sudden spurt of tinkle so we all have prostate cancer"
1207"and it turns out the dicks were hiding in the secret ann frank hole the entire time"
1208"#0!!!!!!!!dad&daughtersex"
1209"hurricane gert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1210"french fries / hot dogs / bite-sized snickers"
1211"seventeen / orderds of / your poststickers"
1212"be gay with me/us/them"
1213"can we ????? do you think ????????"
1214"i would like this event to be better organized in the future"
1215"you will be jacques from the soviet union and i will play the part of terry from canada and we are in an international toilet"
1216"i bent over to pick up a nickel and spontaneously did an aerosol squirt!!!!!!!!!!"
1217"this is clearly his territory"
1218"did you finally get the nickel"
1219"that is the saddest story i've ever heard"
1220"another web comic with a heart of gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111"
1221"choking down ten black dicks in ten black minutes"
1222"i'm ready for my next barely legal any fucking day now"
1223"wondering exactly how hard it can be to grab some runaway off the street and bend her in various poses and slap it around the same 50 pages of phone sex ads that have been running since 1982"
1224"it should be barely weekly"
1225"curse you larry flynt productions"
1226"study says women more stressed than men"
1227"well who fucking asked for it gals"
1228"let us in the workplace!!!!! let us in the military!!!!! we have lots to contribute!!!!!!"
1229"hurrrr these backpacks are heavy and computers are hard and i can't get an abortion"
1230"what do you mean i can't get four months off to have a baby!?!?!?!!"
1231"well back to pitching subscriptions to the san jose mercury news over the phone"
1232"i will match you dick for dick and we will see who is the craziest"
1233"i'm starting to get hungry ?!?!?! who's up for pricks"
1234"funny things that can happen at the beach"
1235"pulling my pants down"
1236"face, balls, undertow"
1237"filking is for singing along to, people"
1238"not laughing at or throwing beer bottles in the face of"
1239"all i can say is never give up !!!"
1240"filk harder than you've ever filked out before"
1241"zero hits to my live filk cybercast?????????"
1242"i worked hard on that"
1243"what about your mom???????? her shoutcast plugin ?????"
1244"i'm not going to filk in front of my mom you idiot"
1245"crumpling you up and doing you the right way"
1246"ladies and gentlemen i am floating through space"
1247"can we do anything to help you (no)"
1248"we cannot help you from down here (require rocketship)"
1249"click click click hi we're tourists!!!!! click click where's the gay bashing fence again"
1250"ok i'll lie on the fence and uncle ray will pretend to be beating me and you have a horrified look on your face and we'll all laugh"
1251"again!!!!! you looked straight and also dad make a mean face"
1252"just $5 to see the fence"
1253"i think i could best sum things up with a mouthful"
1254"could hotmail by my solution???????????????????"
1255"let's go around the room starting with me"
1256"wendy's biggie fries"
1257"you don't get to go twice"
1258"try as i might i cannot will the bong to levitate into the living room"
1259"goddamnit it fell halfway down the hallway and got the carpet all bongwatered"
1260"i never learned to read"
1261"b is for bong will continue on fox kids"
1262"words for usenet without actually using the fucking word!!!!!!!! let's go"
1263"my mother needs help installing aol"
1264"did i already say toilet duck"
1265"for the last time i was not being gay in there i was simply practicing for a play"
1266"a glory hole ?!? what's that ?!?!? i've never ever heard that term before"
1267"he and i were just hugging and talking and hugging"
1268"these gay magazines are for an art project!!!!! not beating off to"
1269"yes i'm really just here to use the facilities"
1270"i know that's my name on the mailing label but this is not my issue of \"hunk\""
1271"and furthermore i am most certainly innocent until proven guilty"
1272"that's right fucko you'll keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you"
1273"rubbing the nuts (to make fire)"
1274"in theory, we can compile everything with \"-msupersparc\""
1275"i swear i'll throw up if you keep going"
1276"hiding from the dick"
1277"let's go ride the bong around the hotel"
1278"ding ding hi lady any mail for me no okay blughlbughlubhglubhlgubhllu"
1279"look out, stairs, etc"
1280"meanwhile, back in jerkcity..."
1281"i need to know if you are mint or near mint"
1282"i have holes poked in me rendering me useless to collectors"
1283"not a day goes by where i don't jerk myself until i get a stomach ache"
1284"girls what's my weakness"
1285"almost as if we are somehow obsessing over them"
1286"yet .............. still ........"
1287"they really are, aren't they"
1288"my piano teacher told me to play a b-flat but instead i played a b-fat then i plonked out some b-gays"
1289"plonk blonk donk bluh hoo dee boo shine"
1290"then i fell off the chair / bench"
1291"does st. patrick's day really mean i can ask any drunk irishman to lick my dick"
1292"may i please be excgblglblgcused"
1293"and / shyness can stop you"
1294"from licking all the dicks in life / you'd like to"
1295"bam bam sir in the next stall are you catching my drift"
1296"bigmouth is striking again"
1297"then it's the dong / the dong / the dong / the dong"
1298"and / shyness can stop you"
1299"from licking all the dicks in life / you'd like to"
1300"bam bam sir in the next stall are you catching my drift"
1301"bigmouth is striking again"
1302"then it's the dong / the dong / the dong / the dong"
1303"sure lady i'll have phone sex with you"
1304"join #gaydads-sf !!!"
1305"join #fratpaddles !!!"
1306"msg #helpdesk where are all the channels ?????"
1307"part #dicklickers !!!"
1308"you are covered in white paint, dog shit"
1309"i was caught between the headlights and did the wrong thing"
1310"those serbians sure are mean"
1311"maybe they're mass swimming pools ??????????????"
1312"please send your data to me in the form of a question !!!"
1313"do you ?!!???!?!?! ?!??"
1314"that's a question you see"
1315"gay gay gay in the u.s. of a"
1316"gay gay gay / that's all he has to say"
1317"he's gonna have a snickers and a --"
1318"i think instead of \"misdemeanor\" missy elliot's middle name should be \"huge fucking fatass\""
1319"could we please have less anal sex"
1320"you lost me there chief"
1321"woody's back!!!! and buzz lightyear!!!!!!"
1322"and all our favorites!!!!!!"
1323"steve jobs and michael eisner and the whole bunch!!!!!!"
1324"and the moral of the story is........."
1325"these toys are collectible and available online"
1326"we've embedded how valuable and loveable they are directly into the narrative of the story!!!!!"
1327"with references to japanese idiots so we can really develop that international market!!!!!!"
1328"haw!!!! that fat toy collector with the goatee sure reminds me of myself!!!!"
1329"let's buy them all and display them in our cubes and suck each other's dicks"
1330"life's only worth living if you're loved by a kid!!!! this way to the pixar store!!!"
1331"right next to the fucking food court"
1332"cocksucking in the data center ???!? outragous"
1333"can you see the mouse hole"
1334"for fuck's sake we are not even in the same ballpark"
1335"and there it is the mousehole let's all shrink down and go inside"
1336"are we there yet and if so are there dicks in the new land"
1337"be gay with me as we journey to the centre of the bowl"
1338"thank god for roofies and handguns"
1339"i'm going to soil myself and others"
1340"you be the borg and i'll be bill gates and we can grope at each other's ass and nuts for half an hour (forty-five minutes)"
1341"last night wile i was asleep my boner developed a simple chat system"
1342"you simply must agree to be gay with me"
1343"i insist that we climb into the dick pit and do the job right"
1344"first i will climb into the dumbwaiter and you will lower me down"
1345"this is the big time and you are blocking progress"
1346"i demand access to the kingdom hluahgluahluag"
1347"seriously but what of y3k and y4k!?!?!?! i'm richard hart for c|net and she's jan yanihero for evening magazine * clomp clomp clomp click bang"
1348"i have dong watch tonight"
1349"dong watch is a serious responsibility private"
1350"if any escape you are responsible"
1351"i have hunted down and sucked many an escaped dong"
1352"let's all weave dreams on the web and make our sites sticky"
1353"the gun i want for suicide is $400"
1354"but your atm card only goes up to $300"
1355"can i borrow $100 and pay you back?????"
1356"ka-ching!!!! ***ka-blam***"
1357"a land full of enchantment and wonder"
1358"but also a land full of danger and intrigue"
1359"explore these vast untamed lands with me"
1360"who knows what adventures we'll have"
1361"follow me and we'll see where the path--"
1362"surpise !!! cocksucking halghagulahgluahulag"
1363"have you ever even tried to get a pizza delivered to a stall before"
1364"we should number from one up guys, nobody understands the starting at zero thing"
1365"sometimes i worry about the nation's prick supply"
1366"start counting pricks at zero and you get an extra prick"
1367"you are seriously shivering me timbers"
1368"you're just too good to be true"
1369"can't take my eyes off of you"
1370"you're just leave heaven to touch"
1371"i want to hold you so much"
1372"does your wife know you're back in here with me again"
1373"kial virinoj neniam askeptigxas felicxe kiam iliaj viazjxoj estas kovrita kun cxuro"
1374"kaj inoj kiuj sxajnigas ke ili estas, nu, ili ja ne estas"
1375"sed mi donis al vi donacon kiu neniu alia havas cxi nun"
1376"vizajxo plene da cxuro !!!!"
1377"tiel auxdaco ke vi rigardas min kiel vi ne povas kredi ke mi jxus faris tion"
1378"ne provu bloki gxin kun viaj manoj vi nur estas faranta gxin pli malfacila por vi mem"
1379"mi diras ke mi estas felicxa malgraux"
1380"agxo rasio sekso dikeco ne gravas laux mi"
1381"fike silentu cxi tie mi estas provanta fari socian komentaron"
1382"who stole the baby jesus?"
1383"it was there in my lawn display!!!!!! wrapped in swaddling clothes"
1384"it's right there you idiot"
1385"what???????? where???????????"
1386"i replaced it with dog shit!!!!!!!"
1387"well it is our lord and we should bow before it even if it is a coil of poo"
1388"jesus mary and joseph"
1389"who wants to practice \"oral sex\" with me?"
1390"can i use \"my mouth\""
1391"you ever smoke so much pot"
1392"you ever smoke so much pot"
1393"i will read aloud from the good book of dick"
1394"halhualuhahualaghuhhu"
1395"this good book is just like the bad book strangely enough"
1396"enough reading!!!! let's suck dick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1397"ten for hglahaghalaghahgahghaghahg"
1398"but ia m only up to chapter four"
1399"seven and never the mind and putting down the hughguhguhguhgulag book"
1400"think about all the dicks you've suck and visualize yourself going about the whole thing again"
1401"welcome to dante's inferno"
1402"hormpth chomp chew hey wait just a gold-brickin' minute"
1403"i ordered cocksucker's delight"
1404"this is clearely the dicklicker's plate"
1405"i am sorry!!!!!! i will be right back!!!!!!!"
1406"clomp clomp clomp clomp crash clatter bonk"
1407"clomp clomp clomp clomp your bill!!!!! and thank you!!!!!"
1408"oh right the cocksucker thingamablobber"
1409"clomp clomp clomp clomp crash clatter bonk"
1410"sir this is the governor's private corner toilet"
1411"you are angry about something"
1412"i am writing to inquire about the health benefits of small or medium sized dicks in my ass"
1413"it's lonely here without cocks & balls"
1414"if i were html i'd be &"
1415"abhlablhbahlabhlablhabhlablh dicks"
1416"a moment of silence please"
1417"balhbalhbalhabhlablhbahlab"
1418"come fly with me / come fly / let's / dunk my head into the toilet"
1419"i do not like this song"
1420"da doo doot / da doo doot"
1421"i do like this song very much"
1422"148.5 making a false police report"
1423"653m making obscene phone calls"
1424"246 shooting at a dwelling"
1425"12031 carrying a loaded firearm"
1426"by my calculations there would have been a second jizzer"
1427"these arcs and spurts and lines indicate two separate and distinct directions"
1428"and hulaghlahuglua back"
1429"stuck in berlin jail"
1430"when i say i licked ~9 dicks could that mean 8 or 10 or 9.25"
1431"because honestly this time i don't remember"
1432"that's probably true"
1433"you can hardly be blamed for losing count with the volume you process"
1434"no i'm just kidding you still get beaten for your mistakes as always"
1435"citizen you have been selected against"
1436"i'd appreciate it if you could call me ford prefect from now on"
1437"i thought you wanted to be called the doctor"
1438"catch the cyberwave with these other hypertext links............"
1439"http://pepsi one contest"
1440"is there is no place else we can go to hluahulg do this thing"
1441"becoming good friends with the county park worker who unlocks the bathroom at 6am"
1442"god bless the master of this haulghualg house"
1443"the mistress hlaulahlaugh also"
1444"and all the little children that hluaghulag"
1445"halghlaghulahglag that round the table go"
1446"hulaghulaulag and all your hlaghulag and hlaghulag"
1447" that halghualhglaughl dwell both far and near halguhag"
1448"i wish you a merry halghulaulag christmas"
1449"look everybody i made tinsel"
1450"bhglhblhglhblghlbhlg"
1451"glhblhglhblghlbhglhb"
1452"knock knock!!!!!!!!!!!"
1453"who's there ??????????"
1454"south park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1455"south park who????????????????????"
1456"south park rules !!!! click here to email me"
1457"god you're emailing me with hammers and nail guns"
1458"traditional folk song"
1459"or a popular rock song"
1460"what kind of pie though ?!?!?"
1461"i believe that is more of a fluffy cake"
1462"waiting to be filled"
1463"but with what ?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
1464"sign my guestbook and tell me"
1465"can the chatter and help me dig this tunnel will ya"
1466"if the hacks catch us it's the hole for sure"
1467"help me i have been crammed and jammed into a prison break flick"
1468"hail mary full of grace the lord is with thee blessed are thou"
1469"huge gay dicks!!!!!!!! really poking now!!!!!!!!"
1470"are you asking for help ??? is this really a ***red*** alert"
1471"cocks cocks cocks cocks"
1472"it is a pink alert in the shape of me getting arrested"
1473"marching straight and proud"
1474"i will roll quarters all night long but on the way to bail you out i will have a big mac attack and that's why you can't come home"
1475"get a load of these two."
1476"you look like you kick ass daily"
1477"uh oh it's happening again"
1478"seriously can i eat it does it go in my fucking mouth"
1479"what's the deal here help me out chief show me the money"
1480"you catch it with your love device"
1481"you sure are \"forcing\" me to suck your dick whoever you are"
1482"i had a dream that i was a stupid character in a comic strip"
1483"then poo squirted out and that was not a dream and i'm up at 8:30 am with the sheets"
1484"i reach for the bong only to realize i am not at home"
1485"when i tell people my story i'm going to substitute \"ufo\" for \"the fisting sling\""
1486"i was talking to this guy only to realize it was my reflection!!! then it got all ripply and i thought i was smoking dope but it was the toilet water rippling!!!!! and it was me with my face in the crapper the whole time!!!!!eplain the why of that!!!!!!!!!!!"
1487"also i just took a poo"
1488"i wonder if they are related"
1489"my solar observations for december 1999"
1490"2. i can see my own dick in the mirror"
1491"3. my neighbor's dogshit tastes tangy"
1492"4. i am totally incapable of getting an erection"
1493"i would like to be flogged, clogged"
1494"clogged first??? or ??? protocol ??"
1495"i don't think the rfcs have anything to say about this particular subject"
1496"they must both come one after the other but i think it doesn't matter which order they're in"
1497"does anybody worship the commish like i do ??!?!?"
1498"also i would describe him as \"a big lug (but lovable)\""
1499"i mentioned cake above (previously)"
1500"also hostess products and products related to the hostess line"
1501"take the pricks out of your hands and mouth"
1502"okay now put the left prick in your right hand and just one in your mouth"
1503"now put both pricks from your left hand in the left side of your mouth"
1504"you are very fucking fat"
1505"i have been fired from jerkcity for my ufo beliefs"
1506"now i've been fired from waldenbooks for my ufo beliefs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1507"fired from chevron for my ufo beliefs"
1508"and by ufo beliefs i refer to tit squeezing beliefs"
1509"webzines face tough times."
1510"i'm not fond of you either"
1511"that will cost you two goats"
1512"they were doing it at the same time"
1513"it should have been louder then"
1514"or silence (goats out of phase)"
1515"it doesn't get louder than uppercase baaaaa"
1516"that's what worries me"
1517"i have had a seizure"
1518"so he's like \"how about i piss in your face\""
1519"and i'm all \"no thanks\""
1520"i went home and worked on my web page"
1521"folks the sun's atmosphere has expanded to engulf and destroy mercury and venus!!!!!!! can we please start working on a huge spaceship???????"
1522"the oceans are boiling and the sky is a deep red and everyon's complaining!!!!!!!!!!!! does anyone have episode 1 of felicity on tape"
1523"people are collapsing and melting into the sidewalk!!!!!! buildings are being uprooted by huge bubbling bursts of lava and volcanic smoke!!!!!!!!! hopefully kinko's will be open so i can finish my zine!!!!!!!!!!"
1524"a little bird looked down on me and said \"suck more dicks\" which is what brings me to the present, gentleman"
1525"under the bright supermarket lights:"
1526"times ten 30-gallon bags"
1527"for $5.99 or fifteen 10-gallon cinch sacks for $3 even ?????????????????"
1528"who said you'd never use algebra"
1529"tom jones in washington ????????? what"
1530"that's wolf blitzer you bonghit"
1531"i have two !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! here you go"
1532"it is attached to some young man but you will get used to him"
1533"i call him \"big john\""
1534"and he'll call you \"hoss\""
1535"and we'll all do something about it until the sun comes up"
1536"i do not like this play one little bit"
1537"all npr talks about is weird warring cultures throwing dirt clods at one another!!!!!! little or nothing to do with britney's home phone / whether she has a boyfriend / her laundry hamper"
1538"see you in the parking lot"
1539"a \"key\" is beatnik for \"marijuana joint\""
1540"hlaghulahulag aghulahu algalug"
1541"nasa launches pepsi one orbiter, tommy hilfiger lander"
1542"calvin kline thingy which crashes into the pole"
1543"aliens have great taste!!!!!"
1544"boop gloop alien noises and horrid 3d graphics and eventually frasier"
1545"instead of looking up at the moon we can all look up at the c|net"
1546"i said let's all lick a dick!!!!!"
1547"who forgot to pay the electric bill"
1548"blaghabghulagblahgagh"
1549"i guess you did not hear"
1550"the fonzi contest was cancelled"
1551"i wrapped my mom's present (cookbook) and your present (buttplug) exactly the same and now i can't tell them apart !!!!!! zany hijinks ensue"
1552"some serious explaining to be made to the deuce (your mother's confusion will pale in comparison)"
1553"i propose a new transport layer on the internet"
1554"it will be designed specifically for porn / gayness / etc"
1555"if only i could think of a clever name this bit might have a chance"
1556"it already exists !!!!!!! it's called tcp/ip"
1557"i swear to god if i see one more stupid fucking dildo"
1558"who invented those things anyway?????????"
1559"not anyone who beats off that's for sure"
1560"ghlgahlgahlgahgahlag"
1561"it's a dog lick dog dick world out there"
1562"and it is my duty to point out that there are just not enough damn dicks"
1563"glhgahlgalhgahlgahlaghg"
1564"i declare a mistrial"
1565"how about a piss party"
1566"what part about \"i want to lick your dick\" don't you understand"
1567"bailiff take him away"
1568"i just want to live my life and lick dicks"
1569"the cover of my hitch-hiker's guide says whenever i feel like panicking i should grab a dick and suck it !!!!!! thank god i can kneel on this towel and put out a series of shitty cd-roms"
1570"the towel is for catching the spurt sir (you are so naive)"
1571"professionals are already wearing the kneepads they put on at 5:30 this morning"
1572"that's their cross to bear"
1573"perhaps bonghits will fix my makefile"
1574"i am a practitioner of the ancient oriental art of dongagami"
1575"i am folding dongs in to swans and swans in to dongs"
1576"i am susan dey from the partridge family years"
1577"i intend to keep talking until somebody interupts me"
1578"have i told you how much i love your fatness lately"
1579"you can't be referring to me !!!!!!!!!!!!"
1580"which one are you again (squinting, trying to make you out)"
1581"just carry on like i'm not here glhgulhgulhgulhgulhg"
1582"that will be difficult due to the huahguahguag"
1583"this says frappuccino but it is clearly piss"
1584"does nobody care that soon we'll be forced into little tents and concentration camps?!?!?! and all our jerkcity humor will be used against us in a court of cocks??????"
1585"the time to bomb is now before they get anymore \"ideas\""
1586"time from my 4am bonghit"
1587"beer me !!!!!!!!! glahahglahagubuabub"
1588"whoops !!!!!!!! ashtray just got emptied right out onto the sidewalk twenty feet below me"
1589"i'd better close that window !!!!!!!!!!!!"
1590"oops  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my beer bottles ????????????????"
1591"it's really 4am isn't it"
1592"silence!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hgghuglhgughugulghl"
1593"obviously we three are unloved"
1594"will never work again"
1595"i suspect i will be found guilty of first degree dicklicking"
1596"you can't send us out there with that gay bat flying around"
1597"a well-hung jury indeed"
1598"i like di_k (only one letter to go and you win the prize)"
1599"close enough haulghalghaluhglahg"
1600"a city filled with holes"
1601"i understand i am being abstract here but that is my nature"
1602"come out with your hands up in the air carrying nothing"
1603"this is your last warning (said through bullhorn)"
1604"well obviously cher doesn't think i'm string enough to believe in love"
1605"well watch this!!!!!!!!"
1606"hlguubhlruhjj0g9pthgi&jb9j"
1607"it's a small world after all / it's a small world after all"
1608"but it still won't fit up my ass"
1609"oh wait - there it went"
1610"bring in da noise and bring out da dicks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1611"hoooooooooooo i'm an adult gay male in adult gay diapers"
1612"with god as my witness i am the worst pokemon trainer ever"
1613"i'll suck your cock for a nickel, fatboy ubububububublbbhb"
1614"i only suck dick in self defense"
1615"and at the bookstore"
1616"much like walker, texas ranger and that other fellow"
1617"punch me in the underpants"
1618"would you like some j's"
1619"i will be right back with some j's"
1620"jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj i am just that good"
1621"punch me in the underpants"
1622"om hualghlahgulahulag"
1623"i love dick a lot (not \"alot\" but rather \"a lot\")"
1624"grammatically correct dicklicking"
1625"why are you hitting me with that mallet"
1626"chonkchonk this is me licking dick"
1627"click whirr here i am in my underwear taking a bonghit"
1628"chonkchonk here's me again with a different dick (or maybe the same dick)"
1629"no i don't know why i can't see stderr from all the way down here"
1630"yes i will look into it when i get home"
1631"yes i was a little rough with the baby"
1632"i can't decide if i want gays in the clergy or gays in the military!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1633"i sure as fuck want them out of my /lesbians directory"
1634"atdt is my long lost inbred cousin"
1635"i am swedish and drowning and asking for hjalp"
1636"ja ja in der tjoilets"
1637"only in america can we be this gay and not be killed (although beaten severely)"
1638"doot dee doo!!!!! packing my suitcase"
1639"i love england t-shirt????? check!!!!!"
1640"fake fucked-up buckteeth??? check"
1641"knickers, trousers, jelly babies, check check check"
1642"doing a funny walk to the airport!!!!!!! waving the union jack!!!!!!"
1643"vrrrrrrrrooooooooom!!!! up in the plane"
1644"blah blah talking to everyone and spilling things and making farts"
1645"screeeeeeeeeech!!!! i'm here!!!!!!!"
1646"finally!!!!!! the westminster dong show!!!!!!!!"
1647"i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together"
1648"see how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly"
1649"sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come"
1650"corporation t-shirt stupid bloody tuesday"
1651"man you've been a naughty boy you let your face grow long"
1652"mr city policeman sitting pretty little polieceman in a row see how they fly"
1653"like lucy in the sky"
1654"ends with a \"quite gay\" or \"way gay\" or whatever is funny"
1655"hey lady how about a blowjob??????????"
1656"no i mean you -> me"
1657"a slobjob then????????? strangling you anyway"
1658"hurlkglk that's right"
1659"suprise you're an idiot ghlghlghkk"
1660"ghlrlgkl say what???? speak up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lghlghlkr"
1661"you're looking rather ragged today"
1662"my scene calls for me to have been up all night sucking cock"
1663"a spot of advice for you then old boy"
1664"i for one will never forget charles schulz!!!!!"
1665"me ten fucking million"
1666"i would like to also contribute to this topic by saying that i too will never forget gahaglhgulhbulhaulhglhaglhag what's in me charlie brown"
1667"wish the guy who made this shit had diarhhea"
1668"gross !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1669"get the fuck back here you stupid prick"
1670"the hands of the clock tell me it's time for dope"
1671"they're not real bananas, they just wear pajamas for the show"
1672"my boner won't let me sleep"
1673"i'm going to sedate it with alcohol"
1674"well turns out the bottles of wine and my jars of urine in the garage look exactly alike"
1675"boy that stays with you"
1676"i licked nine dicks today"
1677"i need a quick dick injection"
1678"down da downt / down da downt / downana downt"
1679"hoooo weeeee ooooooo / doctor who"
1680"the faq wizard will help me to lick more efficiently"
1681"i am not embarassed by my erection"
1682"your erection is frightening children everywhere so it is not so much something to be embarassed about but rather something to be controlled and regulated"
1683"beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice"
1684"grok is a word meaning \"i'm fat, i have a huge u.c. berkeley beard, and i'm afraid to hit on girls\""
1685"all i needed to know i learned from sucking cocks under the freeway"
1686"it hurts to take it up the ass"
1687"read a barely legal before ringing my doorbell"
1688"yey!!!!! kevin is free to roam the earth and suck cock and get old and die"
1689"kevin over my shoulder asking me to type things for him"
1690"cd into that dir!!!!! now vi"
1691"to the ground with you! down -- before the might of dormammu"
1692"the ancient one is sending me a mental summons ! the time is at hand -- he will choose the instant! and -- he tells me -- now"
1693"what is this ?? you start to draw back -- straining aginst me as if with new-found strength"
1694"the time for pretense is past!"
1695"i wanted to do the hulk vs. the thing"
1696"again people please leave some dick for others"
1697"if everyone just gargled them all up and down and every which way how do you think the next gay person might feel"
1698"i'll bet not too good"
1699"do monologues on sundays when no one else is around so no one interrupts slash steals punchlines"
1700"my junior year is really my most important year ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1701"hoarrkkth bullets through my head and mouth and face and balls and legs"
1702"i hope byu has a wheelchair ramp"
1703"too dazed with dicks to bookmark the babylon 5 faq"
1704"talking to you online folks"
1705"sorry was busy stuffing my face with carrots sticks and celery"
1706"and a hostess pie (cherry)"
1707"we all lick dicks don't we"
1708"i have taped a cross to my door but still the dicks come pouring in at night"
1709"dear god how can i possibly worship you when you have sent these things to pount around my face/ass/hair"
1710"i mean jesus dicks and pricks give me a sign or something i feel like job (pronounced j-o-b though)"
1711"folks i just took a date-rape drug and i'll be outside on the lawn"
1712"electronic commerce and the internet"
1713"characteristics of digital products and processes"
1714"internet infrastructure and pricing"
1715"economic aspects of copyright protection"
1716"what to do when your wang is stuck fast in the glory hole"
1717"how to tell if you're a john or a john's john"
1718"i shot a man in reno just to watch him die"
1719"good afternoon, good morning and halughulahluag"
1720"and so jesus came out of the cave and said \"it's okay to be gay\""
1721"you lied about doctor who being in your pants pocket"
1722"it was at most an exaggeration"
1723"my mouth is bigger on the inside than the ouu owww hoof"
1724"did someone say food"
1725"and probably a little uninteresting"
1726"are we the jerkcity players or just common fags"
1727"sir i am very clearly sliding the $10 between the stall walls"
1728"returning a five and five ones individually"
1729"i'm going to need change for the meter (banging, flushing)"
1730"did i say aikido??? i meant my skills as a turntableist"
1731"vrp a vrp a vrp a vrp"
1732"o solo boners (just joining in)"
1733"i'm jammin' on the one like theo huxtable!!!!!"
1734"we are all gleaming the cube"
1735"stevie wonder guest stars"
1736"i have a condition known as cottonmouth, the munchies"
1737"i am still very thirsty"
1738"i can't see with this blinding white light"
1739"i don't want to go to heaven now !!! my work is not done here !!!"
1740"at least put me back on earth in the body of a cocksucker"
1741"a one in a million mouth"
1742"pastries in the conference room !!!!!!"
1743"pastries and pies and all things great and small filled with jelly, custard"
1744"go away, you horrible pear-shaped admin"
1745"yes!!!!! your big fat ass is blocking my otherwise perfdect view of emkpty space"
1746"eyes filling up with tears"
1747"i said fucking get out!!!!!"
1748"hompth hurmpth coffee cake"
1749"police challenge pentagon investigaion and shoot gays"
1750"ajgf9402jgeida;jlg49e0wirkdivao <-- my pgp"
1751"i think your pgp key has been compromised (clearly it's gay)"
1752"what does your sandwich board say"
1753"i am suffering a myocardial infarction"
1754"hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh air plz"
1755"an ode to the homeless of san francisco"
1756"get the fuck out of my way before i beat you senseless with my fucking nuts"
1757"well what do you want for free i was up late drinking"
1758"i'm a seti@home user !!!!!"
1759"i track the progress of my work units very closely !!!!!!!"
1760"i can tell you where in the sky my work units are from !!!!!!!!!"
1761"i feel like i have the right --"
1762"nay, responisiblity --"
1763"to open my fat fucking mouth"
1764"click here to sign my guestboo</href>"
1765"beenz!!!!!!!!!! the web's currency"
1766"the more you eat / the mlg kfshlg lsghslg hlshgsg"
1767"everything i touch turns into beenz"
1768"beenz beenz / they make you fshlgls ghslghls hgsg"
1769"time to kick it and stream these beenz broadband style"
1770"beenz.com purchases macromedia for record ten million beenz"
1771"severe weather advisory"
1772"uhgughughughguhguhgugh"
1773"i am a matrix product please transpose me"
1774"lemme set you right 'here, adolf i'd spread me cheeks for every black cock in this hole 'fore i'd throw in with you lads"
1775"hurrfgghlghlguhggle hey someone cleaned up the urine back here gurrrhungguh"
1776"the black dot from adventure can not help you now"
1777"this newsgroup is for ***serious*** perl loves only in the 415"
1778"i have a box of kit kats !!!! can't i join"
1779"these clip art cd's prove i'm able to design ***your*** e-business"
1780"click here to email me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1781"you can dismiss the geocities pop-up window by clicking the close box"
1782"can i also click on the window's dismiss button ?!!??! or use xkill"
1783"where did all my kit kats go"
1784"you have to leave now"
1785"sir you are punching my teef ou ang i haveng even showg you the bargains"
1786"i got my ass stuck in the toilet again"
1787"i cannot find the zen in this"
1788"could i please have a sandwich, a cola"
1789"why is the man keeping me down"
1790"why is the man keeping me down in his lap"
1791"oh forget it ahlugual hualubguh agbualuh"
1792"can we please unclog the toilet the old fashioned way"
1793"this venti mocha is making me squirty"
1794"better register an epinion"
1795"it's all over the keyboard"
1796"pressing the star key for customer service"
1797"nowhere dot fatlab dot middleamerica dot edu"
1798"click here to begin tarzan's interactive adventure!!!!!"
1799"another pop up window??????"
1800"click here to do laundry and make potstickers with mulan!!!!!"
1801"can we both like dick"
1802"we will sit around and appreciate dick"
1803"(write poems, sing songs, etc.)"
1804"i don't know sounds a little queer to me"
1805"the joke there being that actually sucking, licking dick, etc. is perfectly straight"
1806"but sitting around and writing poetry and songs about dick is totally gay"
1807"i will be gay for under a dollar"
1808"i thought you said something"
1809"you wanna get something to eat"
1810"we can get burritos or something"
1811"christopher reeve presents stephen king's the stairs"
1812"a mouth not unlike the tardis"
1813"more like sick & tired !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1814"more like i'll be in tech support my whole life !!!!!!! click here for user friendly banners"
1815"welp !!!!!!!!!!!! i'm a loser"
1816"i notice when i clean the pipe the dope smoke actually gets me high !!!!!!!! beep deuce pass it on !!!!!!!!!"
1817"i do not believe one word of that"
1818"think of it as punching a woman in the mouth to ensure a more focused \"b.j.\" if you know where i'm going with that"
1819"no but now i'm aroused"
1820"who are you talking to"
1821"this is channel #funnyjokes not channel #pressrelease"
1822"that stands for nice tits"
1823"you spelled \"yes sir\" incorrectly"
1824"sir your tongue is much too much too much too close"
1825"sir your tongue is much too much too much too close"
1826"sir your tongue is much too much too much too close"
1827"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
1828"hiddly piddly hooobooo blublublub i'll blow up my own balls"
1829"i live in a cabin and ride my bike"
1830"but i'm not queer - i'm the unabomber"
1831"hurrrrrrrr hooooo bop wop"
1832"one minute two minutes thrrrrrrrrrrrrr sprint sense hurts"
1833"rugburn on my forehead people this sucks"
1834"i am talking on the computer!!!!!!!!!!"
1835"beep boop 100100010 1010101101 00101100101 means i lick dick"
1836"i was only in there with him because he threatened me"
1837"well i *felt* threatened anyway"
1838"and that's what the whole toilet story is really about"
1839"i think you were just cold"
1840"i think you could elaborate much more about what goes in those places"
1841"don't blow it for me"
1842"\"duh spigot i'm going out for smokes back later\" you don't even smoke"
1843"i'm not doing dick on or off camera, my last check bounced and you still owe me for overtime from april"
1844"due to technical difficulties we will be showing a series of introspective strips sooner than we had originally planned.  we appreciate your support in this matter.  yours, root@jerkcity.com"
1845"for the last time i did not use your towel"
1846"just between you and me ..."
1847"... i am willing to be gay with you and you and you and you and you"
1848"can we start recycling old strips yet ?!?!?"
1849"this is a good time for spring cleaning"
1850"this is also a good time for licking dick"
1851"are you with me private rands"
1852"can i have a boost so we can get this thing started"
1853"i am licking dicks in a paper bag"
1854"a plain brown wrapper if you will"
1855"i mean uh hughuggharr"
1856"is this a re-run or is this a re-run"
1857"what's this in my inbox?"
1858"oh god you scared me"
1859">> african tree frogs for sale"
1860"indeed madame, i am selling all my african tree frogs"
1861"why are you telling me?"
1862"because you're on my african tree frog mailing list!!!"
1863"well i'd appreciate you not spamming me any further !!!!"
1864"$$$$$ america is k-razy for tree frogs $$$$$$$$"
1865"i believe that nicotine is not addictive"
1866"i believe that nicotine is not addictive"
1867"i believe that nicotine is not addictive"
1868"i belive that nicotine is not addictive"
1869"i believe that nicotine is not addictive"
1870"how did he go from a gladiator to a slave to a tobacco executive"
1871"it was ???? well we can edit out right"
1872"it's hard to believe that it's already 1997"
1873"time flies when you're drunk"
1874"i want clarification on my dicklicking"
1875"i am going to lick your dick from 7:10 to 7:14 at which point you will gum up the works and tip me a wooden nickel which i will promptyly eat"
1876"glug me down leftwise and rightways"
1877"i don't need to follow your specific instructions"
1878"what if i want to go right and then left and then up"
1879"what are you a nazi ???"
1880"my point is that right and then left and then up violates the prime directive"
1881"well we're at an impass here"
1882"so i'm just going to take you from behind"
1883"that is a legal move and luahgolal"
1884"that would be 10 10 boners"
1885"nothing at all like rollerball"
1886"welcome to wild wild cyberspace"
1887"punching your throat"
1888"what about gay rights online"
1889"they must be defended at all costs"
1890"gay rights for everyone"
1891"gay gay gay gya gay gay $(*rg#(r)gj"
1892"well i tamed the boner monster !!! who wants to pet it"
1893"the giant spider is just into sitting still and sighing !!! i will pet him !!!! ow ow"
1894"ow ow he does not appear to have a dick i can lick ow ow ow"
1895"your mother should know (doot doot)"
1896"haulgha lhf08yf chomp horbfhlf balgbag"
1897"i can't believe it's 326 pages of that"
1898"even at super crown !!!"
1899"well it **is** the definitive reference"
1900"could we please have a moment of silence for my boner"
1901"deuce sniffles quietly"
1902"thank you ladies and gentleman"
1903"a jerkcity tribute to the less important characters starring most of them"
1904"i mean to say the ones that are less funny or whatever is less insulting"
1905"just try to be quiet"
1906"i am so sorry for the trouble i caused"
1907"i have microsoft on the horn !!! they're very concerned about the sweetbread shortage"
1908"i'm a desperate 20-something clinging to the belief that talent is genetic"
1909"my grandfather used to draw jerkcity"
1910"i hit my ball into the buttercups"
1911"well reach right in and pull it out you silly goose"
1912"dear steve case!! i have been an aol member for three days!!! but my south park sounds are broken/don't play"
1913"stalking the dog shit and really keeping an eye on it / face in it"
1914"my lava lamp told me to shoot the neighbors (and to smoke pot, sit around)"
1915"better do the one thing first or you'll never get around to it"
1916"the universe exploded"
1917"boston wages fight against cancer"
1918"boston 0 cancer 80,000,000,000"
1919"my undiagnosed unchecked lumps!!!!!!!!  time for years of painful chemo!!!!!  hurrr ow my hair the daily spinal taps and blhlgubhlbhlug throwing up blood before i finally decide to get off chemo and die like a fucking man"
1920"blam and brains and done"
1921"i specifically checked \"cowboy boner\", not a fucking xmas boner"
1922"i cannot make change"
1923"how come those dinosaurs have multicolored handkerchiefs in their back pockets"
1924"shall we get started"
1925"concerned about the porn"
1926"everything will be all right"
1927"just stick your head in there"
1928"if you don't shut up the porn will never come"
1929"i was promoted to head of the adjustment committee"
1930"if the inmate is sentenced by the adjustment committee to isolation time, he will be placed in a segregation unit to await review"
1931"that's when i sneak in and lick the dick"
1932"i went on a fishing trip with five guys and came back with a big red snapper"
1933"it says so next to my references, home phone"
1934"i don't feel so good"
1935"maybe i should stop drinking schnapps at lunch"
1936"if i were a video game i'd be klonky dong"
1937"hands up who's a fucking queer"
1938"okay people it's 4:30 in the morning and i'm still a complete faggot"
1939"this better wear off"
1940"nutrient value of semen inadequate"
1941"must seek alternative foodstuffs"
1942"i found a way to make you"
1943"a way to make you smile"
1944"please explain why everyone thinks my mouth is a urinal"
1945"are you thinking what i'm thinking ?!?!?!?!?"
1946"this bonghit will make me funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1947"who put a boot on my nuts"
1948"flapjacks and other miscellaneous breakfast / breakfast-related foods"
1949"are you thinking what i'm thinking ?!?!?!?!?"
1950"this bonghit will make me funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1951"who put a boot on my nuts"
1952"flapjacks and other miscellaneous breakfast / breakfast-related foods"
1953"soon it will be the winter of our discontent"
1954"a starbucks inside jerkcity ??????????????????"
1955"then all the dicks need little sweaters"
1956"kern my nuts and punch me in the font"
1957"poo inherits from crap"
1958"please refrain from using that language"
1959"margaritas in the deuce people"
1960"macaroni in my pants and socks"
1961"hlbuhluhluhlughbllughb zesty pesto habble gabble fabble"
1962"avril03.jpg you have a big fat ass"
1963"i made up a gay abraham lincoln joke but i don't know if it's funny yet"
1964"four jerk and seven spurts ago"
1965"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
1966"if you're looking for critical acclaim sir i should point out that your check bounced"
1967"nuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh"
1968"i express my anger through my pottery"
1969"hrlub hlruhbglurhl buhrlub hlurhblur pricks on the wheel"
1970"spinning and whapping my modest little face"
1971"hooboobooboobooboobooboobooboobooboo"
1972"okay stinging a little"
1973"i don't know why they call it a concentration camp i certainly can't concentrate on anything but all the dicks packed closely to my face in this train car"
1974"galghaghaglbhglubhglbuahbuahbhlgdbhdlhludbhblgublbughb ghlghbg "
1975"notice how it transformed subtly"
1976"but i will not like it"
1977"blughghghlugh i am a horrible person"
1978"i think it is a dinosaur (it means \"terrible lizard\")"
1979"beating off to the crumb soundtrack"
1980"jerkcity is made possible by a grant from the exxon corporation"
1981"and viewers like you"
1982"how did you get in here"
1983"pants is complaining about his chair again"
1984"eh, we've been here before"
1985"it's got that purple volcano thing going on"
1986"maybe we could get curtains"
1987"definitely less light"
1988"on and on about the chair"
1989"so the volcano thing then"
1990"let's get chinese for lunch"
1991"i hear pumpy hurdy gurdy pipe organs from the toilet area"
1992"did anyone get my flyer about my free tarot readings in my cube"
1993"publishing fiction and political non-fiction hbuhlbuluhlblu"
1994"i hate it when they don't take it out right away"
1995"it's like enough already"
1996"but he's all \"actually i need to finish\""
1997"so i just bend there and take it"
1998"\"hmm, i'll be done in a minute\""
1999"while i have that dopey bored look on my face"
2000"i'll have a croissandwhich and a glass of rape"
2001"i'm an adult gay male seeking discreet safe j/o"
2002"i don't see how j/o can be safe if you use your mouth and ass"
2003"i have a two-prick system"
2004"where if one spurts . . ."
2005"i can continue sucking on the spare"
2006"i jam them and poke them into my face"
2007"sometimes with such force i need someone to help me lie down for awhile"
2008"i would like not to discuss this any further"
2009"stop crying for two seconds"
2010"limit your description of the rape to steps to reproduce"
2011"don't try to technically diagnose the rape"
2012"did he rape you like this"
2013"better like this or better like this"
2014"hurts more here or hurts more here"
2015"hey you're the one who wanted to \"report\" the guy"
2016"well maybe we'd go look for him"
2017"if you weren't such a dumb fat girl"
2018"you're going to have to cooperate if you want us to investigate this matter"
2019"now lie down and close your eyes, you dumb cunt"
2020"no you can't talk to a woman policeman we fired them all over the weekend"
2021"because they kept fucking up"
2022"you don't douche very regularly, do you"
2023"now did he give you that bruise there"
2024"or did you just run into a door"
2025"fucking shut up and let me look at it for god's sake"
2026"here's $10 go buy yourself something nice"
2027"you're four hundred pounds and you have a keychain with a rape whistle"
2028"i've got half a mind to rape you on principle"
2029"i'm jim belushi in the principal"
2030"lbahalbhlabhlabhlabhlabhlab"
2031"perhaps you enjoyed my work in k9 cop"
2032"there was this one dick that just wouldn't stay licked"
2033"bet your bottom dollhubb hurrrf mup dup dang"
2034"chooo chooooooo hugalugalugahug choooooooo hlaghluhlauhgluahglag choooo chooooo"
2035"i'll email you the debugger log"
2036"what's in ~atandt/boys"
2037"i'm a bright shiny angel of god, sent down from heavfen to lick dick in the toilet !!!!!!"
2038"i am willing to be gay at low, low prices"
2039"you know in england gay people hang out in the \"lavatory\""
2040"and cocking is called \"bangers and mash\""
2041"also don't order a \"pint of bitter\""
2042"i think we've all made that mistake"
2043"ok i lied i never went to england"
2044"unless mervyns counts"
2045"perhaps bonghits will fix a blown head gasket"
2046"you know what's most amazing about conjoined twins ????????? that we don't exterminate them anymore for being clear genetic aberrations"
2047"it's different so i must kill it"
2048"in order to form a more perfect union"
2049"establish justice and a bunch of other stuff"
2050"hi i'm pants perhaps you've seen my work here in jerkcity"
2051"or under the overpass sucking cock like a man on a mission from god"
2052"yes, that's all i've got"
2053"maybe you could just draw a big bong in the middle of the whole thing or something"
2054"sawdust !!!!!!!!!!!! i need lots of sawdust !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2055"kitty litter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2056"tarps and blankets and towels !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2057"anything that soaks up lots of piss fast !!!!!!!!!!!!"
2058"this is radio free jerkcity"
2059"guess what i found today ???"
2060"that's right !! i found the poo button !!!"
2061"allow me to show you the path to wisdom and nirvana and all that gay stuff"
2062"pants pushes the button."
2063"it's warm and smooshy and what have you"
2064"just let me suck your cock"
2065"gross!!!!!!!!!!!! with you being a man and all"
2066"folks it's time for ladies' wheel of fortune"
2067"i'd like to buy a sofa"
2068"a mark goodson/bill toddman prodcu$h#u(hjnbgkas"
2069"could someone please point me to the nearest cache of dicks"
2070"dear dick cache god,"
2071"please give uncle deuce what he needs"
2072"well sometimes he says he's my uncle"
2073"seriously though hook up my friend here"
2074"if someone could please pass the dongs"
2075"courtesy is contagious gang"
2076"perhaps bonghits will untangle these extension cords"
2077"this is an open letter to fat soccer moms"
2078"have you ever heard the expression"
2079"\"slower traffic keep right\""
2080"try to stop blocking progress and sit down on the curb for a while"
2081"i can't wait for your offspring to steal my wallet"
2082"you might say it's the yin and the yang of sucking"
2083"yang looks like yank"
2084"cue entertainment tonight theme"
2085"what are you wearing"
2086"today's jerkcity gets an \"f\""
2087"as you can see, i have no external genitalia to speak of"
2088"how do i keep pants interested, you ask?"
2089"peanuts, popcorn, presents"
2090"i am hitting you over the head and taking your loaf, your jug of wine"
2091"the moral of this story is ..... be good to other people !!!!!! *thanx*"
2092"janine lindemulder she should be shot for making me try to pronounce it"
2093"janine useless and over the hill 5 years ago, still around to salvage her career and her shop-worn face"
2094"right that's her last name"
2095"is it just me or are the spice girls getting too preachy"
2096"concentrate on my voice ... soon you will be gay"
2097"esperanto estas por gejuloj"
2098"united colors of gay"
2099"hello - i am the aids virus.  please get us out of her this guy is too gay."
2100"yeah what he said hugalugalugh cocks"
2101"will you watch notting hill with me and hold me when i cry ???"
2102"i will beat you about the head until you think you're coach from cheers"
2103"ow ow but he's dead ow ow ow okay lying still"
2104"okay what these are is a list of sick/twisted links and many are weird !!!!"
2105"i take no responsibility for the contents !!!"
2106"you have been warned !!!! beware !!!!"
2107"abandon all hope all ye who enter the dreaded l-i-n-k-s p-a-g-e!!!!!!"
2108"the onione <-- news but with a twist"
2109"user friendly <-- the only good site in cyberspace"
2110"slashdot <-- news for nerds"
2111"red meat <-- demented!!!! the guy should be locked up!!!!"
2112"blam blam blam with the gun and whack hack with the knife"
2113"your dead fucking head down the toilet"
2114"perhaps bonghits will fix these ... uhh"
2115"i've got a gag we could use instead about sucking off aquaman (underwater)"
2116"suing you for breach of dicksucking (even though you've been sucking my dick at 9 am every day right on schedule)"
2117"9 am ?????????????? that can't possible be me on the other side of the hole"
2118"wrong because i have dna and fingerprints and a sworn affidavit to prove it"
2119"but i am sleeping at 9am"
2120"oh god i suck dick in my sleep"
2121"deep throating a maglit here"
2122"does this cock ring make me look fat"
2123"i am injecting cleaning fluid into my veins because i wish to detect neutrinos"
2124"if i got really fat would you still love me"
2125"i mean fatter than now"
2126"i can't really say why i don't want you to be my girlfriend but let's look at the situation alphabetically"
2127"a is for fat, b is for fat, c is for fat"
2128"flipping through these cards it appears d through z is also for fat"
2129"i'm big-boned like judy blume's blubber or whatever !!! sob"
2130"wham wham wham wham wham"
2131"are you milking me??? i am note of the bovine variety!!! i want a lawyer"
2132"hurmph gurf at this time i would like to nominate less cocks ow ow"
2133"i would like to call my mouth and balls to the stand"
2134"i would like to be gay not only in the past present and future tenses but also the pluperfect subjunctive tense"
2135"so in other words you are gay"
2136"griddle marks / tile marks"
2137"i was a teenage dominatrix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2138"no you were an overweight teenage wiccan enthusiast with a dead can dance cd and equally insipid peers who gave your tits the time of day in exchange for rides to the coffee shop"
2139"so the current scores are jerk 1, poo 1"
2140"i've got money on jerk"
2141"i too will place my life savings on jerk"
2142"can i get odds on poo?"
2143"you are both wise investors"
2144"i've got insider information"
2145"folks we'll never ever ever ever ever ever ever fucking figure out what space and the universe is for so let's line up for burgers and porn and dope and blowjobs!!!!!!!"
2146"you'll notice christ never appears in the astronomy picture of the day"
2147"maybe you can only see jesus by drinking or robbing a check cashing store"
2148"doon doon doon doodle oon doon / licking /dick / in the crapper"
2149"a quantity that has both a magnitude and a direction is called a pecker"
2150"then pecker me up and we'll fly into the horizon"
2151"what we want is your face full of spurt and two pricks on either side of your face"
2152"click click click click click"
2153"did he and the tasmanian devil sell you a nike phone card !?!?!?!?!?!"
2154"i cannot tell the difference between porn stars and sports people"
2155"dialing 10 10 heroin overdose"
2156"dear idiots!!!!! by taking away the porn on paper you force the freaks to grab kids off the street !!!!!!"
2157"i mean dear geniuses"
2158"folks can we please never spell it \"bologna\""
2159"let's play boner wars"
2160"zwwwwip zwwwwwap we're light sabres"
2161"mine is just floppy and not making cool noises"
2162"i suspect i am on the wrong side of the force"
2163"busta rhymes needs to drink less coffee or something"
2164"so then he says \"duh it's not funny\""
2165"and i'm all \"who says a comic strip has to be funny\""
2166"so then he starts whining"
2167"i had to slap his fat fag face and escort him out"
2168"and the other one wouldn't fucking shut up"
2169"so i had to escort her out to"
2170"anyway they're not allowed back on the lot"
2171"did you see the pigdog interview"
2172"are you even listening to me"
2173"oh right he sleeps like that"
2174"i liked the frogs in magnolia"
2175"okay folks just a few general announcements"
2176"first we know that the mailing list is broken"
2177"it's been this way for at least a month"
2178"you can bet his primary concern is getting all you folks back online"
2179"also i promised to redesign the html so that might happen too"
2180"cocks cocks cocks cocks"
2181"my last check bounced"
2182"hickory dickery dicks"
2183"i'm stuffing my face with pricks"
2184"no camping !!!!! (yelling at the boner patch)"
2185"who has these disgusting foot fetishes and why are they subjecting me to it in the wrong newsgroups"
2186"if i wanted to look at polaroids of some stupid woman's foot i could probably just take them myself"
2187"if you have a moustache, you have a foot fetish"
2188"if i could jerk off to one thing i'd jerk off to you you and you"
2189"there's nobody under here"
2190"i'm behind this curtain"
2191"i would come out for head count but i am stuck under the sink"
2192"somebody left the cap off the 409"
2193"i call it photoslop!!!!!!! and adobe masturbator!!!!! and macromedia crash!!!!!! ahhahaah does anyone get my jokes?!?!?!? join the tired cocksucker webring"
2194"lordy god in heaven can you hear me"
2195"listen up lordy god and listen good"
2196"cos you gotta lot of explaining to do"
2197"first why did you spread all the unlicked dicks across continents"
2198"second do you validate parking"
2199"it's not enough to burn to death in public i must also wear the mozilla shirt"
2200"hot stuff comin' through"
2201"soup ??? or just dicks"
2202"the line is \"dicks ?????? or just soup again\""
2203"i am going to suck the cocks of the cast of \"user friendly\""
2204"i've never read the fucking thing for more than five seconds"
2205"so i can't reference the characters individually"
2206"the thing pretty much made me sick so i gave up"
2207"why don't you just fucking draw bloom county"
2208"give it up and pack it in"
2209"anyway sucking all your cocks at once baghalughalg"
2210"the day the universe went off the air because nobody pledged $300 for a fucking tote bag?!?!?"
2211"is our regularly scheduled programming not enough!?!?!?!?"
2212"pants rands deuce and spigot giving it their all every midnight"
2213"i was lost there for a second"
2214"then i smelled that distinct smell of just licked idck"
2215"saturdays are for jerking"
2216"also clamping, hammering and squeezing"
2217"if there were no black men there would be no black sperm to make more black baby girls to grow up into black porn stars and that's why racism is bad and hitler is cool"
2218"i was with you until the hitler part ???"
2219"c to the | to the n to the e to the t"
2220"are you either t l or c"
2221"let's take generic platitudes and make them our corporate tagline !!! bigots are bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mountain dew"
2222"i think the answer to my question is yes"
2223"here we are !!! i told you it wasn't just another trick to get you into the toilet"
2224"(sniff) it's beautiful"
2225"now that we're here what should we do"
2226"surprise !!!!!! the big fat mozilla release is the lamest, slowest, must un-appealing, non-intuitive 27.5 meg download ever !!!!!"
2227"who in god's name are they trying to fool"
2228"did you folks get a chance to glance at how internet explorer handles things ?!?!?"
2229"1010101101001010101010"
2230"come with me on a tranceladelic excursional odyssey of electronica!!!!!!"
2231"you are too fat around the fat around and we are stuck"
2232"endlessly orbiting each other in space"
2233"a wordless grope ensues"
2234"it is like 2001 in that it is a very very slow scene but it is scientifically accurate (the groping)"
2235"five more hole albums?!?!!?!? great!!!!!!"
2236"dear sir in charge!!!!!! it only makes sense to extract albums from people who can deliver a return on the investment!!!!! love, abraham lincoln"
2237"is there anything he doesn't know"
2238"four score and seven ........ brews ago!!!! [guitar music, girls]"
2239"christ i'm hard up for hardons"
2240"we should come here more often"
2241"you know i'm allergic to abtons"
2242"christ i'm hard up for hardons"
2243"we should come here more often"
2244"you know i'm allergic to batons"
2245"the lego company does not endorse the lego holocaust artwork"
2246"sending back my legotown gas chamber / skeletons kit"
2247"nothing really matters"
2248"everything i give you"
2249"all comes back to me"
2250"it's very clear to me"
2251"i lived so selfishly"
2252"i realize that nobody wins"
2253"don't knock my faith when you could simply knock me down marble steps"
2254"i'll be the prettiest girl in preschool"
2255"you're looking pretty hot in that jumpsuit"
2256"ghlglhgulhgulhgulhgulhg"
2257"i'd like to request that we no longer boldly go to the cabin"
2258"where i am raped for scientific purposes"
2259"this is not how mankind will conquer space"
2260"glhglhaglhlhabhlbhab ow ow ow ow"
2261"you should shit/piss yourself if you are in danger of being raped"
2262"are you aware of how hard it is to say no to space cowboys"
2263"i can save myself by soiling myself and here i go"
2264"sir with the rape utensil"
2265"you might say all this sarin gas is making me vietnumb"
2266"and then they all licked dick in a merry patch of clover the end !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2267"so what do you think can we get brad pitt as \"deuce\""
2268"tell the dick you love it"
2269"do it lightly like you're kissing someone for the first time"
2270"fucking suck it like you've never sucked before"
2271"if you pass out that's all right"
2272"you'll come to eventually"
2273"this is a very strange dojo"
2274"i'm brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!! the balls ate my balls page !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we should totally do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2275"for everything that happened"
2276"it is my fault because it was my project"
2277"and it's because of me that we're here now"
2278"hungry cold and hunted"
2279"i'm going to die out here"
2280"a jizz bug is a very messy thing"
2281"like a dung beetle but more disgusting"
2282"so you're familiar with jizz bugs then"
2283"glhbalhaghlaglhgalhg"
2284"born to suck (prick)"
2285"born to choke (take a guess!!!!!!!)"
2286"mister bluebird / on my shoulder"
2287"i'm going to lick these stone cold dicks"
2288"poo inspection (hold still)"
2289"dit dit dit dot dot dot dit dit dit"
2290"international playboys"
2291"i'm glad we settled that"
2292"so it's official then"
2293"i would have voted piss myself"
2294"here's the real deal"
2295"the voting booths are closed"
2296"but the stalls are open"
2297"my $0.02!!!! in the blab room!!!! where i'm sounding off and talking back and speaking out like a fat fucking american idiot!!!! it's my right to express myself!!!! hurrrrrr hot urine and broken glass"
2298"ladies and gentlemen, i have a serious problem to report"
2299"as of the other day, the cast of jerkcity is on strike"
2300"we have managed to arrange alternate entertainment"
2301"i hope you all don't mind a gardening series in place of the usual"
2302"given the budget constraints, it was the best we could do on short notice"
2303"we will keep you updated on the strike"
2304"i masturbate just about daily. sometimes twice if something sets me off. like an entertainment tonight segment on supermodels or the mailman. you have to be willing to go down that path and find your inner masturbator and convince him to get into the zone and go for the gold. if not the gold then perhaps a handful of semen."
2305"pack something soft to spurt into.  leave it in the room after you check out."
2306"it only seems fair that you should have to learn your lines"
2307"i cannot afford the dilly-dally"
2308"are you the man with the four way hips"
2309"seriously look how wide my mouth is"
2310"is it fair to say that negotiations are stalled"
2311"i like the sound of that"
2312"some kind of queer gerbil with a fez and a lederhosen"
2313"apbnews.com or living.com might buy us"
2314"i want to suck your cock"
2315"i call this my fighting irish pose"
2316"what the fuck is wrong with you"
2317"did i mention i was molested?  i'm pretty sure i did, once or twice, but you did not offer to discuss the matter with me.  let's have a nice quiet dinner and have a frank discussion about my dad's dong and how he put it in my mouth and ass now and then.  anyway, i'm clearly the victim here and that's why i don't suck dick.  i hope you understand."
2318"folks, salvation is here"
2319"with pisschrist as my witness i am the man with the plan"
2320"it goes something like this"
2321"first we lick the dick"
2322"i could get a job producing rosanne"
2323"then we lick the dick some more (to be sure)"
2324"i should have gone to yahoo last summer"
2325"that's it -- i'll go back to broadway"
2326"now i don't want to get into the specifics but semen has an oyster-like consistancy and stings when it dribbles off my stupid face and into my eyes.  holy christ, it stings."
2327"one time i was masturbating outside a bar in capitola.  a police officer shined his light into the alley and found me with my pants down.  i explained that i was taking a leak.  for my troubles, the officer gave me a lecture about how i could be charged with a sex crime, how i'd have to register as a sex offender in every county.  thank goodness he let me off with a warning."
2328"choosy mothers choose jpg"
2329"those bastards burned down the set during last night's food riots"
2330"soylent green is delicious"
2331"you can meet the most interesting people masturbating in the bathrooms of malls and department stores.  go to your town's emporium during your lunch hour and hang out.  if you're not particular, there's always arby's."
2332"when all the numbers are multiplied out, you can then determine how much semen you've generated. enough to drown a toddler? hmm?"
2333"eventually, if you bang your head long enough, the wooden puppet transmogrifies into a real boy and then you have trouble with the feds.  until then, it's a shell of a thing, a thing without a soul.  there is no water inside me, just a little dirt and a silverfish."
2334"can you prefix things with [offtopic] thanks"
2335"let love open the door"
2336"[a[b[c[d (we call that \"around the world\")"
2337"i need to speak to the dungeonmaster here"
2338"i will now show you my maypole"
2339"apparently i cannot charge male escorts to my library card"
2340"have you all nothing better to do"
2341"where is my fortified wine"
2342"when is the cocksucking contest again"
2343"thursday at 4, 7, 9 and two shows at 12 and 12:30"
2344"1. nobody has to write anything in tcl for any reason, ever"
2345"2. pants is promoted to chief wang inspector"
2346"quality did not decline during my reign"
2347"3. no unlicked dicks on the set"
2348"4. we agree to outsource the task of hosing down the britney poster"
2349"and finally 5. we reject the disney offer"
2350"am i late ??? what did i miss ???"
2351"the trick to beating off to sylvia saint is to keep the sound down!!!!!!"
2352"the unintelligible european accent and of course the weigel factor"
2353"you mean the yelling and screaming that is more distracting and disturbing than erotic ?????????"
2354"also those stupid cone tits that should have fucking stayed in playboy"
2355"i don't know what erotic means but i can't beat off if i have to keep adjusting the volume"
2356"slide on over here, wipe that lipstick off and let's get started"
2357"i'm going to wipe it up with your hair"
2358"you might as well lie back and think of england"
2359"i'm going to call you jizzmaster 2000"
2360"when i got to budapest there was a jerkcity tacked to the wall"
2361"to me, the best thing about marijuana is trhat everything is just \"good enough\""
2362"there we go and it's out the door and i'm back on the couch with the bong where i belong"
2363"and making a mental note to bongle it"
2364"okay not all that closeted"
2365"and less rough than one might expect"
2366"bang bang bang bang ow ow ow ow"
2367"holding you very firmly, still"
2368"knowing the creme pioe is about to start"
2369"hands up who here has tasted their own jizz"
2370"guzzling other peoples' jizz doesn't count"
2371"i am opening a large-size tsing-tao"
2372"please go easy on it (it will only get angry)"
2373"their slogan should be a chinaman w/straw hat:"
2374"tsing tao ?!?!?!? and hao !!!!!!!!"
2375"someone stole my head lamp"
2376"no man should have to go without a head lamp"
2377"boy have i learned the rules of dick"
2378"location, location, location"
2379"i spy with my little eye"
2380"thanks to your sharp sitck"
2381"sorry for the spam, but:"
2382"i'm posting to news.admin.net-abuse.misc about this"
2383"can we just be gay then"
2384"who ate three cartons of peanut butter ice cream and took a dump on my bedspread"
2385"i wonder why the alt.fan.dean-stark hierarchy already has over seventy newsgroups in it"
2386"will the person who pissed up my wife and kids please take one step forward"
2387"the cockmobile will come to my town some day"
2388"don't do it it's a trap"
2389"then i can suck dicks from faraway lands"
2390"and local cocks that i know and love"
2391"hublubhlbuhlbulhblhb why didn't i stay in school"
2392"wingdings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (rest) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2393"what about being stoned again"
2394"hands up who wants to work on a horror e-zine after work every night"
2395"i have a story about a time-travelling mummy"
2396"i think we all know that story originally appeared in amazing fantasy #15"
2397"in closing, we havfe fewer readers than ever before"
2398"what's this expense on line 41, $5000 for hospital bills"
2399"the staff has been building elaborate lego mindstorm projects and eating them"
2400"so you're saying we might as well be on upn"
2401"hulahgluhgaulhualhalg"
2402"don't forget to laugh at a disabled veteran"
2403"did you lose your legs sucking cock in a bath house"
2404"i didn't know they gave guns to fucking faggots"
2405"homosexual sex, really not enjoying this too much"
2406"homosexual sex, prison"
2407"homosexual sex, stretchmarks aroud the mouth area"
2408"i'm just flipping through the index of my queer handbook"
2409"i can get a merit badge for simply being jizzed up"
2410"trying to cheer you and the audience up"
2411"i'm a defective o-ring"
2412"you're goddamn right i'm going to suck it"
2413"never forget who you are"
2414"i figure i can get unemployment or something"
2415"can you hear the little angels"
2416"don't try to fool me into not sucking it !!! distracting me will  only fail hulahgluag"
2417"skip and dance with us"
2418"prancing as fast as i can"
2419"there's nothing perverted or gay about me wanting to open a boutique"
2420"it's a cock boutique with little bows and ribbons but it's not what you think"
2421"little hats and costumes for the puppet show i put on every morning"
2422"mmm hurble burble look at me on my way to school"
2423"wham wham wham wham bam bam bam this is no dream"
2424"even a stopped clock gives head twice a day"
2425"help me to come out of the closet about my fat queerness"
2426"i'm stuck in the closet pretty solidly myself"
2427"hey i have a great idea"
2428"maybe we can help each other out of the closet"
2429"i'd like to make our engagement public at the end our toilet sex"
2430"well i'm kind of new at this but okee doke"
2431"what's funniest about jews is that you wind them and they run from hitler"
2432"they'll also run from a hot poker if you chase them with it"
2433"in fact poker is where the word \"kippur\" of \"yom kippur\" came from"
2434"where \"yom kippur\" literally means \"hot mops\""
2435"tell me more about ancient lands"
2436"hello ??? am i late for burning man ??? it is cold"
2437"they promised four and twenty blackbirds"
2438"this is more like four hundred and twenty black dicks all at once (without remorse or an ounce of politeness i might add)"
2439"hmm the proverbial mystery"
2440"oh to follow the path less --"
2441"i'm going to suck your cock until you're blue in the face and i'm not hungry anymore"
2442"not as violent as it could be"
2443"which lends itself to the good book"
2444"i have seen many an unlicked dick in my lifetime"
2445"we must not let this happen in our america"
2446"i'll take unlicked dicks over burning down the mall thanks"
2447"i'll take unlicked dicks for $200"
2448"i'll take unlicked dicks under my wing and show them the way of the world"
2449"what's all this about a script now"
2450"look what i can do without any assistance fom the audience"
2451"halughu lahglu haulghalughulaghalughalugh laughlaugh luaglag"
2452"alukg halgh laug luahglu hgalu hagl hlaug hlaghl ahglu halgh aag okay i need some help here huaghalgu halukg luagh luag perhaps a ladder or a bucket halughalghlu"
2453"granting privileges to untrusted classes ???"
2454"implementing my own signing facility ???"
2455"deploying real-world software on the internet ???????/"
2456"cartoons about cocksucking and dicklicking ????"
2457"now you're talking there chief"
2458"i liked you better when you were in a coma (a very gay coma indeed)"
2459"i sure miss deuce and the other one"
2460"any kind of dick will do but i prefer to chomp and chew on the northern american variety for various reasons / conditions"
2461"seriously if you could just form a line to the left of the urinals i'll get to business"
2462"if you and i are here on the set"
2463"i am willing to sign anything you put in front of me just make me choke in record time"
2464"you know that if you read too many strips in a row, you'll get a headache"
2465"i'm just here to meet with the chief wang inspector on official jerkcity business"
2466"can we please just lick dick"
2467"christnuts, new zealand"
2468"why the fuck doesn't the living room machine work"
2469"you fucking powermac faggot computer"
2470"shut the fuck up in there"
2471"holy god you are pounding me to powder"
2472"and there it goes (perfect david attenborough voice)"
2473"anyway i got kicked there"
2474"you can still pay rent through right"
2475"a knock to the nuts (e.g. testicles) shouldn't prevent you from writing checks"
2476"actually the bone that connects my nuts to my wrist is sprained"
2477"possibly my jizzbone, i'm not a doctor"
2478"we also suggest guttermouths ii, sodomania slopshots 4-6 and filthy first timers"
2479"spraying and squirting like an unclamped hose"
2480"i asked you to wait thirty minutes before licking another dick"
2481"no cars delivered without this check"
2482"you're going to get a horrible pain in the belly"
2483"allow twenty minutes for car retrieval"
2484"if i didn't know better i'd swear you unlicked them on purpose"
2485"this contract limits our liability! read it!"
2486"mel torme is singing about how we should be more than friends ???????"
2487"i am going to save my vote for coffee, cake snacks, zingers"
2488"little or nothing to do with browsers and nearly everything in the world to do with trousers"
2489"betting the bong, that goddamn vw in the driveway"
2490"by placing handfuls of m&m's into a cup i can practically drink them"
2491"give me some positive feedback about my comedy i'm not up here for my health people"
2492"how about you and me licky pricky"
2493"how about you take me chinaman style (opium, peeing in my coke, rice, railroads, laundry)"
2494"i have never experienced this \"chinaman style\" !!!! we will start at 2:30"
2495"hey wait a minute is this going to end up on jerkcity"
2496"first i take it up the ass, then you cram it hard"
2497"and we sell the video for $79.99"
2498"right (in some order)"
2499"can dicks be licked people"
2500"i have my dancing shoes on"
2501"whatever the fuck that means"
2502"the subject is dicks and the verb is \"can\""
2503"\"people do\" is not an appropriate response"
2504"you can't handle the truth"
2505"how do you spell guacamole"
2506"are you writing a shopping list ?!?!? or are you looking for tips on giving head south of the border"
2507"according to websters it is guacamole"
2508"i thought we were going to discuss my web soap opera"
2509"who won the rape rands sweepstakes"
2510"things didn't work out quite right"
2511"i'm jar jar i'm jar jar i'm jar jar i'm jar jar i'm jar jar i'm jar jar i'm jar"
2512"he said something about sucking off the entire cast of user friendly and ran off the lot"
2513"folks we're doing some remodeling"
2514"i have issues with my fatness, my gayness, my loch ness monster"
2515"the note found in the pocket of a russian seaman"
2516"please to tell lenin that it is fucking cold"
2517"i didn't even fucking get paid for this (glug)"
2518"hail mary full of grace the lord is with thee blessed are thou"
2519"i do not think that is an activity we can share ???"
2520"hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp"
2521")(*asgy(*ousdgs(*&tnr iue(*&bigbsghgd (&$hbohgosd"
2522"i'm lucida sans typewriter"
2523"i'm kicking your fucking serif ass"
2524"it's the deuce and rands show"
2525"let's never fight again"
2526"avenir rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr angry"
2527"i'm a resumable download now"
2528"later that afternoon ..."
2529"you are really ganging up on me in here"
2530"auuugh you pulled the football away"
2531"you say shut but you really mean open wide"
2532"please cancel my subscription to \"asian tits\""
2533"face face face face face face nuts"
2534"sucking off the cast of user friendly, eh"
2535"they stood still this time"
2536"are you sure i should be using brillo pads ??? write back"
2537"you should be using fine-grain sandpaper"
2538"(sputtering) but the faq said"
2539"don't trust the internet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2540"for the lhulhlhulhluhluhulhlhulhuluhululhulhulhulhulhulhulhulhu"
2541"hulhulhulhullhu epilepsy"
2542"i am cursed from heaven"
2543"hello is this thing on"
2544"academy fucking award material going on here people"
2545"jewel would like to know who will save my soul (help me out here)"
2546"who will fill her face with spurt i think is what she's worried about"
2547"now that you mention i think that is what she's telling me after all"
2548"(starts to masturbate)"
2549"i am like the sunflower, hiding with my knees bunched up in the toilet trying to look through the partition at other people's pissing dicks"
2550"okay maybe less like a sunflower"
2551"meanwhile !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2552"back at the dicklicking farm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2553"free range cocksuckers ??????????????????"
2554"i'm going to put a stop to this once and for all"
2555"excuse me sir i demand to see the farmer"
2556"oh god i'm upside down and underwater again"
2557"wait i'm really at the local krispy kreme and this is all a dream"
2558"wait no i really am underwater blbblblbllb"
2559"have i smoked so much dope that i only *think* i'm entering jokes"
2560"i am trying to draw a bong but it just looks like a boner !!! gif after gif of boner after boner !!! am i gay ??? write back"
2561"no bongs or hits just boners"
2562"a terrible blow for freedom of gay on this here network"
2563"i favor mutant registration"
2564"weebles wobble but they don't suck dick"
2565"silly rabbit ...... >>>unix<<< is for >>>>tribbles<<<<"
2566"gak the hood being pulled down over my head and glk the strings"
2567"gore calls for fairness in florida"
2568"i think that's what's happening in florida mister eight years of taking a back seat to clinton's cock followed by losing to country bumpkin"
2569"we will return to our regular programming shortly"
2570"also i would like to state that i did not punch the prostitute i was only helping her down off the stage"
2571"what's going on down there"
2572"are we off the air again?"
2573"you useless fuckwads"
2574"because you're pissing on my briefcase"
2575"sufferage !!! nothing like roughage as it turns out"
2576"the new republic has failed me and yet i stand here"
2577"great the war is over now let's go to a play"
2578"originally published april 3, 1922"
2579"i sure do love giving head to the cast of jerkcity on a regular basis"
2580"we sure love having you here"
2581"oh my stars and garters"
2582"i am going to smack your head hard on the tile if you don't watch the teeth"
2583"my new name is punky punk"
2584"ladies and gentlemen we now return you to the previously scheduled bongathon already in progress"
2585"turn on your heartlight"
2586"let it shine wherever you go"
2587"let it make a happy glow and for god's sake let me lick your dick (chorus)"
2588"i would like to apoligize for the penny ante incident"
2589"we are no longer allowed to film in new jersey"
2590"apparently we give italian-americans a bad name"
2591"remember the time my face got stuck like this"
2592"let us learn from the future so we can look back and urinate on the past"
2593"what have we learned you ask"
2594"they all look like fucking bloom county to me"
2595"nonsensical syllables and preposterous gay acts"
2596"could you please type \"make\" in the queue directory or should i just suck cock for under ten minutes"
2597"can't wait for the queer xmas jokes to start"
2598"i've got some serious gags lined up for new year's (champagne corks and what not)"
2599"my mouth she is for dicks"
2600"how about you be the )(b*$:)(*eg and i be the f)(*dv:#jdfls"
2601"seriously worried about the quality of dick"
2602"tell me more as i am intrigued and aroused"
2603"season's greetings fuckheads"
2604"ran out of time this afternoon, please publish the standard-issue jerkcity holidays crapfest."
2605"not a creature was stirring.  they were all in shock from the unstoppable series of blowjobs, one after another."
2606"hello ?? you have the wrong number"
2607"hello ?? please hold for the casting director"
2608"hello ?? yes this is jerkcity"
2609"why yes our refigerator is running"
2610"hello ?? i'm sorry he's out of the office right now"
2611"i'll tell him you called thanks"
2612"hello ?? let me transfer you to the complaint department"
2613"why are you answering phones"
2614"we're short of help this season and--"
2615"i don't really care you know"
2616"i'd better jerk off for good measure"
2617"are you making fun of me"
2618"earth to rands come in rands"
2619"are you on the red planet yet over"
2620"i am deploying my solair sails currently"
2621"earth to rands solar storm coming your way eta 5 minutes"
2622"i am stuffing myself in the loo currently"
2623"you don't bring me flowers"
2624"you don't sing me love songs"
2625"forever in blue jeans"
2626"girl, you'll be a woman soon"
2627"now that i think back on it, i've always been obsessed with poo"
2628"my new year's resolution will be to kill twenty people before the year 2002 (because that's when the world will end)"
2629"oh what fun it is to ride"
2630"is this even the ice capades"
2631"is it 2001 in hawaii yet ??? singapore ??? monster island ???"
2632"all of the mothra girls are presently enjoying an extended tour up my ass"
2633"lost footage from the early days of jerkcity presented for entertainment purposes only."
2634"i'm auditioning for the part of pants"
2635"what do these nine dicks have to do with the price of tea in china ??? i'll say !!! hug-a-lug-ah"
2636"you all deserve a new medal"
2637"is mumia free yet ???? i've had this bumper sticker on my car for three weeks now"
2638"that's one small step for man"
2639"and one giant leap for mankind"
2640"wait i forgot to fag up that phrase can the editing boys pull an all-nighter and fix this up before showtime ??? great !!! ahulgahlahg"
2641"rraappee iinn pprrooggrreessss ccaallll 991111"
2642"should we tell them ???"
2643"folks this a dumb cartoon"
2644"filled with violence and immature jokes"
2645"breaking down the third wall"
2646"reach-around college & boards"
2647"we are well aware we're cartoon characters"
2648"postmodern homophobia"
2649"the sine qua non of postmodernity"
2650"we call this obvious consciousness"
2651"we know we are being watched"
2652"self-referential irony"
2653"sucking cocks in the big stall"
2654"meta-pop hyperawareness"
2655"sacks full of wet socks"
2656"no sleep till brooklyn"
2657"the remarkable worlds of pants"
2658"starring the toilet area and the burrito stand"
2659"we last left our hero under the underpass"
2660"now we're going live to the scene"
2661"it was like i told you:"
2662"dicks to the left, dicks to the right"
2663"then i say \"hey are you george michael\""
2664"and of course he runs out"
2665"unlicked dicks by the basket is all i'm asking"
2666"standard laundry hamper sized baskets, yes"
2667"bug report !!! it actually says printf (\"spigot sucks cock\") i can see it right there in the program code"
2668"why are you ignoring my letters and faxes"
2669"i have shown you photographs of my breasts"
2670"can't you see how much he loves dick"
2671"o stile where is thy sting"
2672"this is a shameless attempt to get traffic is it not"
2673"you'll blow the scam"
2674"stile and primus suck ???"
2675"what is the scam anyway"
2676"it can't be the money or women"
2677"i found a lizard squished between two pieces of plywood today"
2678"where have all the faggots gone"
2679"i just tape the control key down and every menu is contextual !!! i'm a woman"
2680"what about the open-apple key"
2681"what if we rolled them all up in the aids quilt and fired it off into space????"
2682"i'm fucking you broadside"
2683"i am making a fine paste out of you to feed to the next generation of flowers"
2684"i'm going to have a private red dwarf showing at my house tomorrow night and you're all invited"
2685"i'll bring the daleks"
2686"moods are like rainbows, in that i'm a cocksucker"
2687"there's blood on the wall"
2688"there's blood on the wall"
2689"there's blood on the wall"
2690"there's blood on the wall"
2691"there's blood on the wall"
2692"there's blood on the wall"
2693"do i **have** to take a crap in this box"
2694"what if there were a bigger box and without be being blindfolder"
2695"you will stay there while i rain piss on you"
2696"i tell you soon you will have a box with some poo in it"
2697"lghblhglhblhglhb i've seen this one bllblblblbpth"
2698"my plan is working perfectly"
2699"we are clowning around"
2700"must we lick the dick like so"
2701"some days i cannot get up off the floor"
2702"other days i am not allowed to"
2703"can i please have a fag hug"
2704"jesus christ loves a good punch to the head (from time to time)"
2705"he's loopy like that (our lord and savior)"
2706"my first erection ever"
2707"i wish we could all take turns poking and choking me"
2708"knock knock seriously here are some clean towels and bath oils and precious lotions and advanced skin conditioners and for god's sake let me come in the bathroom with you"
2709"please could we not get into a big knock-down drag-out hair-pulling fight for once ?????/"
2710"i have a sea urchin up me"
2711"if you try to remove it you will die"
2712"i have discovered if i listen to the same bananarama song two hundred times in a row, i get sick of it"
2713"then i put the cd away for two weeks and come back to it and it's brand new again"
2714"sorry for the wide distribution"
2715"they come and go as they please"
2716"man alive i sure could go for a big sandwich right now"
2717"are you there god it's me fatpants"
2718"what do i pay you a retainer for"
2719"you keep those cocks out of my garden or i'll knock your block off"
2720"and how cold it is ???"
2721"i'm going to sex you up (all night)"
2722"full of vim and vigor (and a little vinegar)"
2723"that is not the sort of language i expect from a web developer"
2724"i thought it said gore is gone"
2725"that's a fucking american tragedy"
2726"four more years of that guy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (confused)"
2727"like the kennedys except more chat rooms"
2728"is that a big fat dong in your pants or are you just happy to see me?!?!?!?!?!?!"
2729"don't care just flop it out regardless"
2730"are you agagaggagaging"
2731"because if you are i should know about it"
2732"agagagagagagag seriously i'm not"
2733"i need to check with my supervisor"
2734"it'll be just a second"
2735"slow down, take a deep breath and soak me with the hose"
2736"if any of you need a loan, i would more than happy to suck your dick"
2737"i see you masturbating like your life depends on it and i say \"slow it down take your time\" also i met elvis in a paytoilet in golden gate park"
2738"more like a bi-curious circle jerk"
2739"pants slowly raises both hands"
2740"i'm not saying to not be gay just turn the lights up"
2741"dear goth girl from canada !!! thank you for your fan letter"
2742"after a long period of soul-searching i have come to this conclusion"
2743"yes, i will marry you"
2744"so should i jack london it to the great white north or what"
2745"seriously can you hear me all the way up there"
2746"do you have a penguin problem like new zealand or burbank"
2747"anyhoo sorry i beat off all over your jpegs"
2748"seriously if you want to marry me that would be just fine i can introduce you to my parents (this bong and that dong)"
2749"also if you could please block me from your site i cannot stop jerking off and i'm starting to get really dizzy (and that can't be good for business)"
2750"i have appearances to keep up you know"
2751"have you ever been experienced"
2752"i know i know you'll probably scream and cry"
2753"that your little world won't let you go"
2754"but who in your measly little world"
2755"are you trying to prove to that you're not made out of gold"
2756"i am so gay right now i don't think i'll ever come down"
2757"well off to the toilet"
2758"i said *off to the toilet*"
2759"tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap"
2760"tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap"
2761"tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap"
2762"tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap"
2763"this is a private stall"
2764"this stall was not made for this kind of stress"
2765"tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap"
2766"she's breaking up she's breaking up"
2767"i am a \"team player\""
2768"i am \"getting a blowjob\""
2769"how about anne frank meets the daleks"
2770"why do i keep getting crank calls"
2771"all these dole posters????? pamphlets???? what is your position on recycling??????"
2772"all these gore posters????? pamphlets???? what is your position on recycling??????"
2773"all these bush posters????? pamphlets???? what is your position on recycling??????"
2774"entertainment weekly gave me half-a-star"
2775"fucking close the door"
2776"stupid ass jerkoff i'm beating off in here dipshit get out"
2777"put the coffee on the fucking desk"
2778"i'm pretty funkdafied people"
2779"is that street lingo for drunk"
2780"sometimes i like to get all my porn magazines and videos and stack them all up in a big pile just to see how much i have"
2781"no match for \"gayness.org\""
2782"hard to believe (there is a lot of gayness)"
2783"hahahah remember when bill gates got creamed with a pie?!?!?!?"
2784"oh god your black dong is pushing me inside out practically"
2785"anyone for half-chewed starbursts"
2786"let's hear it for applescript"
2787"i'm trying real hard to ignore those dicks"
2788"they were amusing at first, now they're embarassing"
2789"they poke me in the face but they also make me think"
2790"they build character"
2791"you gotta let a ho be a ho"
2792"he's talking to the ketchup now"
2793"excited about push technology"
2794"sir you are pushing my face into a pile of dogshit"
2795"sir in the blue pants"
2796"for god's sake somebody please help me"
2797"i have done a terrible thing"
2798"violated a restraining order?"
2799"licked too many dicks at once?"
2800"are you hurt or sick"
2801"i require some assistance"
2802"remember the goth girl i married ???"
2803"well we need to dig a goth girl sized hole"
2804"freshly baked dongs!!!!!!!"
2805"hey what do you call three ex-microsoft employees?!?!?"
2806"a fat dicklicking dongathon!!!!!!!!"
2807"i'm sticking to my story and that's that"
2808"can we play phantom stallbooth"
2809"hoo boy i'm bored what's this a cardboard stall"
2810"honk bonk suddenly in toilet land"
2811"urf duh learning about numbers and letters and jizz"
2812"this is like sesame street but without the sesame and quite frankly there's not much street either"
2813"so i guess it's kind of a sesame rape"
2814"(without the sesame but with extra rape)"
2815"i would like to register as a web developer and also a child molester"
2816"can i do both in the same line or no"
2817"severe dongs pound mouth, ass of central valley"
2818"does netiquette not apply"
2819"being beaten, raped in public toilet"
2820"please people please"
2821"how can i with all the poking and jostling"
2822"as a special treat you all get to be first in line to preview an all-new form of jerkcity comedy i've been developing secretly on a variety of machines for nearly ten seconds"
2823"keep in mind this is purely experiemntal"
2824"systematic extermination of all women, children, people substantially different from us (proposition d)"
2825"i really do need to use the toilet"
2826"you can't tell me with a straight face that you've never given head to anonymous marines in the back of a camero with quiet riot playing can you ??? i thought not"
2827"tell deuce when you type with your balls, please focus on clarity"
2828"i'm sorry i forgot i was talking to the national spelling bee champion"
2829"all your dicks are belong in my mouth"
2830"i'm certainly no expert when it comes to matters of the heart"
2831"folks i'm having an asthma attack"
2832"hurf huhhhhhhh hurf huhhhhhhhh hurf huhhhhhhhhh"
2833"i can't blow out this simple match"
2834"here's a link to my balls"
2835"here's other balls i think are cool"
2836"you can mail my balls"
2837"here are my balls again in frame format"
2838"these balls are a transparent gif89a"
2839"these balls are under construction!!!!!!"
2840"please excuse the nuts!!!!!!"
2841"drop me off at the gay hole"
2842"waiter!!!!! reality check over here!!!!!!! from hell!!!!!!!!!!!"
2843"thanks for sharing!!! a little more information than i needed to know!!!!!!!!!!"
2844"cut off my motherfucking dick and stuff it into my mouth and kick me down the waterslide"
2845"is this the career center"
2846"when will i make the facial hall of fame???????"
2847"with a fine ass like yours it is hard to say"
2848"i don't like the way gay policemen have access to search warrants"
2849"i, efficient cocksucking machine"
2850"could we get a measure of that efficiency"
2851"i mean how many dicks get left by the wayside"
2852"the dicks that fall down the sewer"
2853"the ones that crawl away and yipe out the door and get the attention of the police"
2854"let's all talk politics"
2855"ahblabhlabhalbhalhba"
2856"no more fag mcmuffins or whatever they're called"
2857"i am experiencing the paradox of time dilation due to special relativity"
2858"you have been here patiently waiting for me all this time"
2859"1-800-urine isn't even seven ddddd oh jesus you're soaking me"
2860"i can't wear these clothes to work tomorrow due to your wetting"
2861"piss fight (handing out dixie cups and splash guards)"
2862"this is a family moo sir"
2863"soon to be a dukes of hazzard theme park"
2864"folks god is telling me to jerk off again (in order to save the universe)"
2865"don't just stand there then"
2866"matching a dick for a prick and back again"
2867"it is the will of god"
2868"the way of the world"
2869"oh hulahglahlugauhlghla the humanity hulahgalhglag"
2870"i am livid that you chose to hold back pricks"
2871"i question your judgement in this matter"
2872"canned pancakes, cocks for let, crampy poo, welcome to saigon"
2873"galaga lhaglhalughalhulgag frogger"
2874"i'm sorry i punched you in the throat"
2875"you will suck dick like an egyptian"
2876"hurmph bloghrpblrh*(u"
2877"having another manic monday"
2878"do you yahoo ??????????"
2879"i yahooed all over your fucking stupid face !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2880"dear canadian goth girl"
2881"i had a dream about you last night"
2882"i dreamed i beat you with a roll of quarters in my fist"
2883"then me and some friends rolled your body in an old rug"
2884"and pretty much hid you out by the baylands"
2885"after serving the whole dime in folsom, i went back and dug you up"
2886"before you died you said one thing to me:"
2887"\"much music is an inferior product compard to vh-1\""
2888"can charles ng come home yet ?? are we allowed to drink the water"
2889"do you think there is deeper meaning in my dream?? write back"
2890"restraining order came this morning"
2891"don't get too close. he's seriously considering you as a fucktoy."
2892"my penis doesn't work !!!"
2893"when i hit it with a hammer it doesn't squeak anymore "
2894"only good for steady fuckin' ?!!?!?!?!"
2895"chirp pirp chirp pirp chirp pirp hypnotizing me"
2896"chirp you're gay chirp you're gay chirp gay"
2897"a gay cricket in the big big city"
2898"frog and toad are fags"
2899"i am going to see the 5:05 showing of hollow man because i think it would be cool to rape a girl whilst invisible"
2900"eight snickers later i have diharrea"
2901"i'll see you on the dark side of the balls"
2902"won't you please help"
2903"a treasure trove of dick"
2904"a gay gay day in august (da dum)"
2905"pricks of mass distraction that's for sure"
2906"a gay parade down main street"
2907"blindfolk and choke me plz"
2908"remember that time we were gay with each other in the ups truck and then it took off and the door slid shut and we went to vermont"
2909"beating off in the museum of death"
2910"could i have picked a stickier, more sweet-smelling drink to spill all over creation here"
2911"jimmy crack corn and i suck dick"
2912"jimmy crack corn and i suck dick"
2913"my latino pride is offended by your boner"
2914"zzbzzzbzbbzzbzbbzzbbz (boner attempting to convince you otherwise)"
2915"acacacacacacaccacca (being convinced)"
2916"splub spuh blhblhbl puh thtpeht bitter"
2917"this urine stain really ties the room together"
2918"my best friend, the bong poker thingy"
2919"investigative repuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pants down"
2920"lbhlahblahblabh like a pac man"
2921"why is there a program on spice called \"ethnicity\" ???? i wonder what it's about"
2922"mexicans i would guess"
2923"ethnic albanians???? more like ethnic complanians"
2924"the linux suicide expo?????"
2925"the linux poison-drinking summit?????????"
2926"miss thurman miss thurman!!!!!"
2927"is it true \"uma\" is short for \"useless\""
2928"i am the one who broke jerkcity"
2929"you will be punished"
2930"okqy this is too pqinful 8rem stupid french keyboqrds9"
2931"if this is the 80's then i'm jerking under the bed to penthouse in 10"
2932"my bowels are going to burst"
2933"holy (again for effect)"
2934"ok the tivo is trying to record kojak"
2935"i save every scrap of porn because who knows what i'll be into three months down the road"
2936"what do you mean leonard nimoy is jewish?"
2937"i have smoked myself retarded"
2938"u.s. surgeon general mounts effort against europe"
2939"it's a preventable problem - we're lowering all the bridges to 10 feet and slowing all trains to 5 mph"
2940"your tax dollars at work"
2941"you there. no puking on your shoes."
2942"he's all \"wanna pounda dope\" and i say yes sir and the next thing i know he's really pounding it into my face!!!!!! then i realize i am the dope"
2943"well here we are again, welcome to the big show"
2944"will there be cookies or should i just keep on doing it"
2945"i am primed and ready for gayness"
2946"every station please give me a go/no go for gayness"
2947"gayness light on check"
2948"(regularly, it is a problem)"
2949"i wish i were a mommy"
2950"you tried for six hours yesterday and all i got was this sore mouth"
2951"we'll try the other end today"
2952"i had the instructions upside down"
2953"shit!!! this girl in front of me just asked a question and she needs a response and i wasn't listening"
2954"you'd better believe i suck dick!!!!"
2955"i've been a closet fag as far back as i can remember!!! i take viagra just to get it up with you!!! i'm addicted to pornography and i think my whole life is falling apart!!!"
2956"i'm juggling so many huge cocks and dumb girls like yourself i can't even remember what all your names are half the time"
2957"each day is like a 1960's sex comedy, a french farce in which i keep all of you away from each other and in the dark about who i really am"
2958"i have serious problems.  i'm an out of control sex addict thousands of dollars in debt and i think i have aids"
2959"and now, back to my thoughts"
2960"someday i'll be a beautiful butterfly and you'll be sorry"
2961"jerking off to korean porn"
2962"is jade east korean, dumb, or just bored"
2963"still trying to compare and contrast jade east with wagons east"
2964"i understand that it's a difficult proposition isn't it"
2965"sista #10 gets as many thumbs up as i can muster in this state of dehydration (from the jerking you see)"
2966"okay madonna!!!!!!!! we all get the idea!!!!!! your love just keeps getting pushed over the god damn borderline"
2967"i think deuce is playing boggle"
2968"i place my ear to the door of his office and i hear \"boggle goggle hoggle\" for like fifteen minutes and it's locked"
2969"free to be filled with dick"
2970"i can't spell that with these letters"
2971"i'm not even sure what a smooth buddy is"
2972"but it's pretty clear it can't be good"
2973"no clear results from google on \"smooth buddy\""
2974"undefined reference to 'main'"
2975"would you, could you be my smooth buddy"
2976"did i miss smooth buddy week again"
2977"another big fat rapper wearing really bright clothes to emphasize how fucking fat he really is"
2978"all i have in this world is my balls and my word"
2979"i'll throw my balls into the mix also"
2980"and this gun and therefore your atm card sir (pointing)"
2981"we'd like to take this moment to say \"thanks\" and \"wow\" to all the people who submitted designs for the recent logo contest"
2982"we promise that t-shirts will get sent out asap"
2983"can i suck their cocks instead of mailing them shirts ???"
2984"stop crying !!! i told you i was a cocksucker from the beginning !!! you saw that issue of maxim under my couch"
2985"you can watch me lick dick but you have to stay outside the stall for your own safety !!! you could lose a limb because i'm like a machine when i get going"
2986"i said stop crying !!! just hold still and let me get down to business !!! this time i'm encyclopedia brown and you're the farmer's daughter"
2987"and that's why we need to move \"big faggoty dick part iii\" to a fall release"
2988"i am both outraged and saddened"
2989"yet i am also aroused and erect"
2990"i am engorged with blood"
2991"release the dogs of war or whatever it is we do around here"
2992"i explained this before and it's really quite simple:"
2993"we can't afford morgan freeman and ashley judd"
2994"we'll have to settle for a baldwin"
2995"if you try hard you really can masturbate to entertainment weekly's theater section !!! but jesus christ by the second paragraph i'm already starting to wish i was somewhere else"
2996"i am attempting to train myself to jerk off over household objects, magazines in the impulse-buy section of the supermarket, the little tivo guy"
2997"thus far the experiment can only be described as a complete failure !!! i am chugging and tugging yet this microwave cart is not getting any sexier"
2998"do i have to draw a map to my lap"
2999"can't we just cuddle"
3000"can i borrow a stephen king novel or possibly a novella"
3001"seriously it's a long train ride back to wherever it is i'm going and i'd really like some company"
3002"did you listen to a thing i said ???"
3003"for god's sake let us touch dicks before the sun comes up and we turn into dust or pumpkins or mice or whatever"
3004"carrie's shining tommyknockers"
3005"let us require adobe acrobat"
3006"now you got the juice"
3007"i hate it when he does this"
3008"rob schneider stars as marvin mange"
3009"i'm still not adam sandler"
3010"tom green stars as tom green"
3011"still dying from testicular cancer"
3012"i can't hear you over all this humping"
3013"gay i'm a person with feelings"
3014"i mean i'm a person with feelings"
3015"a pftftft pfftftf wonder bread booooooooooooooooooooy"
3016"the ***premium*** cracker"
3017"you know it's bad when your squirtshits fill up the bowl above the waterline"
3018"woke up at 5pm, high by 9pm"
3019"are you getting all this"
3020"rands scribbles furiously"
3021"you can copy and paste for yesterday too (if you want)"
3022"o the wangs / they make my dizzy / o so dizzy / i'll sign anything when i'm in this state / o the wangs / they make us dizzy/ yes rather dizzy / quite dizzy in fact"
3023"o the wangs / and on and on / i should sleep soon / yes the wangs the wangs wangs wangs wangs / dizzy and so forth"
3024"this church fucking sucks"
3025"yay and my machine crashes and chokes and crawls to a stop!!!!!"
3026"i keep detailed notes about every dick that's ever assaulted me here in my trapper-keeper"
3027"not on or beside or around or next to or underneath or in the same \"room\" as my mouth"
3028"i mean actually physically in my mouth and face !!!! is that doable"
3029"sound of crickets chirping"
3030"my dong is truly on the edge of forever"
3031"a black a woman two jews and a cripple"
3032"that is the joke and the punchline i guess"
3033"i write 'net with an apostrophe"
3034"i call them cybertoonz"
3035"of dongs and bongs how can one man lick dick?!?!"
3036"your honor exhibit a the contract between this 'un and me that is i that is me"
3037"fox presents when commercials attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
3038"what is wrong with simply cuddling instead of horrible anal rape"
3039"my contractions are now one minute apart"
3040"so then i sucked some more dicks (if you can believe that!!!)"
3041"if you are an aries, you lick dick"
3042"something special for jerkcity 1000"
3043"if we touch dicks we can transfer data directly between our bodies"
3044"when i jerk off i feel good for about twenty seconds and then wham it's right back into suicidal depression"
3045"let's be renaissance fags"
3046"my lord thy face is truly jizzworthy"
3047"this time i get to be the timelord"
3048"you can be one of the women sidekicks"
3049"i would like to point out that i really like the #lost weblog and sometimes i reload the page several times a day in search of fresh news and links to pron (which i pronounce \"prawn\" and assume you're talking about fat black dicks)"
3050"i don't know a ryano from a phatmax but i can suck nine dicks nine times in a new york minute"
3051"my purpose in this world is to track urine around (this is true, i've seen the process in practice and it's not pretty)"
3052"i'm a charcoal briquette"
3053"squirt me with fluid and light me"
3054"let's you and me jerk dongs now"
3055"that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me"
3056"looking forward to playboy's girls i gave a black eye to and then took money from"
3057"so my dad's still molesting me"
3058"he likes it although i find myself indifferent about the process"
3059"i'll be smoking in the parking lot if anybody needs me"
3060"one more page to go ??? can we edit this part out"
3061"uh, dear canadian goth girl"
3062"this place is worse than the muppet show"
3063"i can only be so gay before i run out of spurt"
3064"making ftp connection to prep.ai.mit.edu"
3065"fucking do something useful"
3066"fucking just lie there then"
3067"pissy dicks for $200 please"
3068"hello deuce welcome to fat chat i'm spigot (240lbs/sf)"
3069"does that mean you're in kindergarten because i don't approve"
3070"could lisa simpson not sing please"
3071"i want to deliver mail to the stalls"
3072"knock knock i've got a postcard from stall 4 to stall 2"
3073"come on in sorry as you can see this place is a mess"
3074"sign here and here and here and hulaghluaghuag here"
3075"thank you come again"
3076"i am a series of on and off pulses"
3077"no seriously my ass really hurts"
3078"can you stick your hand up there and help"
3079"please???? i thought we were friends"
3080"ow ow ow ow ow okay ow enough"
3081"dude i just pulled out a solid gold watch"
3082"happy anniversary!!!!!!"
3083"jerkcity is enjoyed by thousands of readers daily"
3084"the first strip was published on august 17, 1998"
3085"the strip features myself and other characters having adventures"
3086"for more information, write to root@jerkcity.com"
3087"this concludes our broadcast"
3088"i'll just fondle myself in this leftover panel"
3089"silently i dunk my nuts into the cold toilet water hmmm urrrrr"
3090"i got a plant !!!!!!!! to make my work environment more comfortable and less spartan !!!!!!!!!! also i'm menstruating"
3091"this is working out nicely"
3092"that would make this panel five"
3093"continue checking panels or ... cocksucking"
3094"i have checkerboard marks on my ass and legs and face and balls and whatever other parts of me were involved in halloween queerness last night"
3095"by the way the \"great pumpkin\" turns out to be false advertising"
3096"it's all about the boners"
3097"everyone on the faggot elevator"
3098"i'm going to tie my dick in a knot"
3099"then get a boner and choke myself"
3100"folks i'm going to check my dong into your mouth(s)"
3101"there is no way that could possibly be wrong (ansi c 5.1.2.2.1)"
3102"i've been here the whole time people"
3103"fuck & suck camp"
3104"lake hughrlhgluhrlbgrlbthgk"
3105"can i make balloon animals"
3106"we're watching highlander the series"
3107"putting the lan and the wan in user win bin or whatever"
3108"we got two dead faggots in the backyard"
3109"both are wearing pink pansy dresses and lipstick"
3110"four dead faggots in the garage"
3111"looks like they choked to death on their own queerness"
3112"and a bunch of dead fags in the living room"
3113"we're not sure how they died"
3114"we know it involves sucking dick"
3115"get your fucking hands off my lieutenant"
3116"can i offer anyone a diet coke"
3117"\"manhood\". a gay cop dies because he gets no backup in a drug bust."
3118"\"silence\". a homosexual councilman who was being blackmailed is murdered."
3119"\"fatty mcfuckface\". huge purple dicks slap your ass and legs."
3120"what do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole"
3121"i can't believe we forgot to publish last week"
3122"i was locked in the spare toilet the whole time"
3123"we need to get back to the basics"
3124"we're talking brass talks or elbow grease"
3125"we're talking community building exercise"
3126"work it to the bone and come back on wednesday"
3127"i wonder if my ex-girlfriend reads this strip"
3128"i continue to make notes"
3129"a hotel or motel room for the weekend"
3130"i am sitting up and taking notice"
3131"enough of this deadly game of cat & mouse....... let's lick dick"
3132"grace my face with jizzy lace"
3133"i know you can hear me"
3134"folks let's not lose sight of my tiny little prick"
3135"really difficult to masturbate to/during battlefield earth"
3136"you need to plug your ears and eyes and basically be a larva"
3137"hurray for codewarrior's peephole optimization"
3138"i heard peephole and then spurted so we all have to reboot"
3139"also please turn the lights off so we can be anonymous"
3140"louis gossett jr was positively glowing in any and all of the iron eagle series"
3141"today's entertainment section has this headline:"
3142"sade still proves she's a smooth operator"
3143"smoooooooooooth operator"
3144"oh !!!!!!! it's one of her songs !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i **get** **it** **now**"
3145"aren't journalists clever"
3146"that columnist should get a raise and a pat on the back"
3147"also a grope to the chest (boobs or not)"
3148"top ten signs you might be addicted to the internet !!!!!!!!!!!"
3149"you can't breathe because of my balls and legs"
3150"apparently recession means pop-up windows"
3151"i have some bad news"
3152"the bad news is you only have six weeks to live"
3153"what could be worse than that ???"
3154"i've been trying to reach you since last monday"
3155"holy god squirty diarrhea"
3156"uhura sure is hot in that mirror, mirror outfit"
3157"something about a call girl and one cop and then a lot of cops and how i'm hiding in your closet"
3158"make sure when mom opens the closet door you remain still like e.t."
3159"*** not available in ia, de, mn, fl, lt"
3160"i will be the mailq and you will be the uuq"
3161"who will be uucico ?!?!?"
3162"guys i'm standing right here"
3163"i am truly under the sea"
3164"squeak squeak squeak squeak"
3165"well here comes the underwater dessert cart right now"
3166"these pastries and pies are soaking wet but who cares"
3167"homph homph homph lemon homph homph homph homph apricot"
3168"next time i'll be an astronaut so i can sample the delicious space cakes"
3169"now make a halghulag hlha hlhalghalahlughahlughlaug nevermind"
3170"haulghulahgluahulgag i'm in a meeting"
3171"i'll glahgula lahgluahul get back to you"
3172"bluh hugaluga splutter hugaluga"
3173"someone take the song-writing quill out of madonna's hand and give her an inside-out brassiere and shove her back in the dicklicking room already!!!!!!!!! i mean what's going on around here"
3174"i'm eating crickets and ants"
3175"good thing because otherwise those bugs would take over the world"
3176"pants is our last and only line of defense"
3177"you might say i'm a national hero"
3178"crunch crunch crunch"
3179"ow ow ow ow oh god ow ow ow"
3180"i would also have accepted kill -1 deuce"
3181"no -1 means go backwards in time"
3182"what is doctor who's first name (seriously)"
3183"i will tell you for a 54 dollar pledge"
3184"join the comics retailers artists / publishers webring !!!!!!!!!!"
3185"sir that spells \"crap\" and hanging up now"
3186"$1000/wk donating sperm"
3187"i have found my dream career"
3188"dude they want male sperm"
3189"why are my balls rotation so slowly"
3190"god loves a cocksucker such as myself"
3191"me and the missus had a good cry and it turns out it's okay that i'm gay"
3192"can i please stay in your house until march"
3193"i sure hope he's not stuck in some john grisham novel"
3194"where the police are chasing him for the wrongful rape of a beatiful young"
3195"holy shit that's huge"
3196"depiction of three generations of a korean family"
3197"struggling to overcome the often comical language of love"
3198"wipe off that lipstick, slide on over here and let's get started"
3199"you can't suck dick at office depot"
3200"lord knows i have tried"
3201"their staff is not tolerant as their ads would have you believe"
3202"they're all \"can i help you\" and i'm all \"huff huff huff\""
3203"usually i am asked to leave and escorted out"
3204"i always find a way back in"
3205"huff huff huff binders huff huff palm pilot accessories"
3206"huff huff oh good they make business cards huff huff huff"
3207"i'm an interval of a minor third"
3208"combined with a perfect fifth"
3209"followed closely and swiftly by a minor seventh"
3210"age ain't nothin' but a nmbmbbhbh glurffk fire smoke dead"
3211"aaliyah is arabic meaning \"ascension into heaven after dying in fiery plane crash\""
3212"i could go on for hours folks"
3213"ever suck a cock and get confused and spit it right back out ??? we all have and sometimes it can be painful to relive this particular memory but lord knows we try and we try and we try"
3214"what's the difference between a nanometer and a kilometer"
3215"one gets you hard and ones gets you high"
3216"too bad they're not one in the same"
3217"a gay man in my underpants!?!?!?!? me?!?!?!?!!!"
3218"we should gang up on each other (gang-up style)"
3219"can't we just kneel to zod"
3220"i will have to read the fine print"
3221"while you're down there, check the values"
3222"something you don't want to hear when you are wheeled into the emergency room"
3223"this isn't bosnia people"
3224"also someone tell me what the fuck i'm talking about"
3225"boom (the shelling continues)"
3226"come on people why can't you all just line up for your free blowjob without complaining"
3227"it's from *me* for the love of god"
3228"look at my big open mouth and positive attitude"
3229"who wants to watch the postman with me !!!!"
3230"(note the exclamation marks indicate an imperative not an interrogative because i know what your answer would be)"
3231"i used the subjunctive in that sentence"
3232"that's right i'm rands"
3233"son of god, lord and savior"
3234"throwing the moneylenders out of the bathroom stalls"
3235"then sneaking them back in later for some well-deserved r&r"
3236"(i can't tell you what that stands for)"
3237"anyhoo if you need me i'll be a cave until easter"
3238"actually a lovely little cafe on the west side"
3239"mickey rourke, your finest performance ever was in \"animal factory\""
3240"can we please talk about the wang incident (i mean it's time we finally faced it)"
3241"i am liking for you to have this infos !!! me chinese"
3242"squirp splorp plop so much for violin lessons"
3243"somebody is sending out a screensaver"
3244"if you download it your hard drive will crash"
3245"it just went into cirulation yesterday"
3246"please distribute this to as many people as you can"
3247"line up for facefucking"
3248"who put the hose up me"
3249"why is it filling me with warm salt water"
3250"wham wham wham wham wham honk"
3251"wham wham wham wham wham honk"
3252"wham wham wham wham wham honk"
3253"wham wham wham wham wham honk"
3254"dear canadian goth girl"
3255"i think spigot has been using my towel, what should i do"
3256"signed pants from jerkcity"
3257"i hear beautiful music coming from stall 2"
3258"hope it's not a trap"
3259"db<3> x $datagram"
3260"0 'gayness personified'"
3261"welp the debugger is good and gay now (and how)"
3262"i would like you to wedge your balls against either side of my face like a starbucks and a noah's bagels"
3263"i don't think i like this game anymore (clearly not space invaders)"
3264"the neighborhood surrounding my mouth and legs has really gentrified"
3265"a word that has never been used on jerkcity before"
3266"that just proves i've got a pioneering spirit"
3267"what are you doing with that bong"
3268"the what ??? the who ??? i have never seen this particular device before in my life (so help me god, so sayeth the flock)"
3269"we should have a frank discussion about drug abuse"
3270"i have (bong noises) an appointment for my nails, how about 4:40 (more bong noises)"
3271"folks there's no \"i\" in cocksucker"
3272"kill yourself and fuck the body"
3273"who's getting me what for valentine's day people"
3274"i'm giving you my jug of january urine"
3275"hearts and flowers ??? kittens and hugs ??? a dozen red roses ???"
3276"cocks and some manner of meat by-product that hurts when it enters you ???"
3277"in the future, please do not eat cat food on the set.  the smell of the empty cans is disturbing the night crew."
3278"okay i'm going in here for just two seconds"
3279"hmm hurr crumbly coffee cake smooshed all over me"
3280"come to my secret urine party"
3281"i've got a kiddie pool in the living room and plenty of adult undergarments"
3282"i get nervous sometimes that i'm going to choke and throw up in the cab"
3283"it's a natural reaction to sucking dick"
3284"this isn't the way to my house"
3285"i am debating whether or not to drink another beer"
3286"yes folks i was just testing the key repeat rate"
3287"i read the chronicle because it doesn't force me to be gay it just suggests it"
3288"you're jizzing up my face with revolutionary space-age polymers"
3289"kurt russell's a dreamboat"
3290"i like dick did i mention that yet today"
3291"by \"dick\" do you mean just the dong or the whole cock-and-balls extravaganza"
3292"we're talking shaft nuts and all"
3293"we'll start a letter-writing campaign"
3294"the matrix screensaver is telling me in no uncertain terms that i am a queer cocksucker !!! really hoping i can get aaliyah's role"
3295"breast cancer awareneszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
3296"jesus fucking christ"
3297"cnn, msnbc, cbs, and yes even you abc"
3298"get all those goddamn icons off the screen we can't see shit what's next banner ads ??? fire your staff and give us a talking head and big pictures"
3299"dear mom!!! you might want to move to mexico on sep 10"
3300"p.s. still did not get check"
3301"help i'm floating through space like cerebus used to do only without a narrator"
3302"this is all quite disconcerning"
3303"am i as high as a kite or as gay as a birthday cake"
3304"please place me on masturbative leave"
3305"i broke my wang so i'll need disability too"
3306"let's hope realnetworks maintains its strong commitment to fucking ugly clunky software"
3307"when i suck them off they grunt and go muhhhhh buhhh duhhhh instead of \"oh yeah baby come on\" or \"you're the best\" or \"hurry up the bus is coming\""
3308"i don't want to be part of this conversation anymore"
3309"also they don't spurt like you and me it's more of a (head chopped off)"
3310"i can't accept a third-party check sir"
3311"but it has the hamburglar on it"
3312"okay it turns out drinking other people's blood is fraught with health risks and issues so i'm going to be the vampyre that drinks double iced mochas"
3313"soon i will be a great big faggy pumpkin (midnight)"
3314"holy god please say it isn't so (carving you, putting a candle inside you)"
3315"that's my fucking decision (candling)"
3316"dear pepperidge farm"
3317"i am writing to you regarding your dessert bliss treat"
3318"namely the cookies & creme flavor"
3319"i am not able to digest your foodstuffs"
3320"at face value this would be worrysome"
3321"running out of porn here"
3322"dipping into admiral krag"
3323"well there's the frizzy-haired mexican lady sucking dick circa 1986"
3324"(clicks, faint humming sound)"
3325"hands up who's jizzworthy"
3326"who's up for green dicks"
3327"they're the most expensive"
3328"michael j fox returning to spin city ?!?!? britney and justin still going strong ?!?!?!? michael jordan making a comeback ?!?!!?"
3329"folks this is the church of jerkcity"
3330"the dsm-iv says so right here and here and here"
3331"why the fuck is syslog listening on port 514"
3332"yes i read the man page"
3333"when i run nmap against my openbsd boxes i want to see ssh and nothing else"
3334"for god's sake i can't generate code i'm a comic strip character somebody fix this"
3335"who would jesus anthrax"
3336"if u cn rd ths, sck m fckng cck ntl t sprts ll vr r fc"
3337"if you can read this, suck my fucking cock until it spurts all oh god"
3338"i get nervous when german leaders quietly gather on the chancellory"
3339"i liked the neverending story too"
3340"having never studied history or politics i don't know what you're talking about or what a chancellory is"
3341"now we're starting to communicate"
3342"john carpenter's or marvel comics'"
3343"a little from column a and a little from i\{i\{xdxd no carrier"
3344"don't worry folks he'll redial"
3345"cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller syndrome"
3346"okay lois and clark is on in one hour are you ready"
3347"i don't like this cereal anymore"
3348"okay i brought my skillet and confection oven and i'm making quesadillas for everyone!!!!"
3349"chopping up fresh vegetables and grilling ground beef"
3350"that sassy bart simpson"
3351"i like when bart does something and homer goes doh"
3352"in-n-out burgers, krispy kreme donuts, shamrock shakes"
3353"semen, gum wrappers, rubber bans, bits of string, dice"
3354"terrible cocksucking noises of the haulghulahg and buabgluhlahg and lahulglaghlag variety"
3355"\"thanks\" for the hand-me-down flashback you talentless fat fuck"
3356"the jerkcity 2.0 upgrade is coming soon"
3357"keep those cards and letters coming"
3358"all of us here at jerkcity are a little shocked that people care enough to write"
3359"it's like \"oh they're still out there\""
3360"how did you get back here"
3361"a somber moment of silence"
3362"hey everyone!! heil hitler!! dicks!!!"
3363"i would like to apologize"
3364"psyche!!! dicks dicks dicks!!!!!"
3365"what color panties are you wearing"
3366"grey looks good on him"
3367"i'm going to tool you but good"
3368"i'm an africanized honey bee !!!! all starving and aidsy"
3369"i'm a mexicanized honey bee !!!! tacos y tostadas"
3370"i'm a germanized honey bee !!!! arbeit macht frei"
3371"i'm an iranized honey bee !!!! mullah bin kaff gag sand"
3372"you don't look anything like your picture in sucking swingles"
3373"i'm in the heartland"
3374"i smoke the die faster brand"
3375"we shall meet jesus together"
3376"empire state building to throw \"who's on top now\" party"
3377"choo choo here comes the cock"
3378"oh no the bridge is out"
3379"where will the cock go"
3380"open your fucking mouth"
3381"wake up and choke it down"
3382"i'm going to drill holes in your skull and poor acid in them and then you'll be my slave forever"
3383"i believe the nipponese are not addictive"
3384"dwindling dongs ?!??!"
3385"as long as slaphappy over there keeps up with the pounding"
3386"well i'll write a letter to the pontiff"
3387"i'm a delcious banana split with chocolate and whipped cream and nuts !!!!!!!!!"
3388"please sample me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
3389"bluh huh i'm a milkshake hurrr duh"
3390"i'm hunting you by systematic search based on a 3x3 grid and the noises you make which are detectable in adjacent rooms"
3391"hurr burr duh these web attacks are child's play!!!!!! they are certainly not deserving of anyone's attention!!!!!! now i will puff my long cigar and read my new yorker and laugh at whatever niles says on frasier!!!!!! and then an evening with noel coward and my fluffy bunny slippers and vague references to algonquin round tables"
3392"what are you doing in my garden"
3393"well i was masturbating until you started yelling and carrying on"
3394"hey man are you okay"
3395"that move with al pacino where he yells a lot"
3396"who wants to chip in with me for a realdoll"
3397"more like ***bored*** of the rings"
3398"more like ***long*** of the rings"
3399"activating ipv4 packet forwarding"
3400"starting rpc.portmap"
3401"mounting remote file systems"
3402"starting syslog, inetd, ssh and lpd for some reason"
3403"loading the ibsc module (in a very gay way)"
3404"now that's what i call a strange melange of dicks and balls and gay dads"
3405"lean in all close to me and shit so i can whisper"
3406"you distract the transit cops with a \"party car\" and i'll expose myself in the bathroom during the confusion !!! xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx but me"
3407"have we tried putting the food tube in her cunt"
3408"falling from the trade center"
3409"shooting you as you fall so that we can make a socratic first-semester legal question become fact"
3410"dicks on in around over under near me"
3411"and the other prepositions too"
3412"there are lots you'll have to go through them one at a time"
3413"high score!!! enter your initials"
3414}