kktJRg84

1Bite my shiny metal ass.
2Shinier than yours, meatbag!
3Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a two-fer!
4Great choice! Bring it on, baby!
5C'mon, c'mon! Kill me already! By the way, my name's Bender!
6Lousy, stinking rip-off! Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk!
7I don't need to drink, I can quit anytime I want! So they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job.
8I'm a bender. I bend girders, that's all I'm programmed to do.
9You kidding? I was a star! I could bend a girder to any angle: 30 degrees, 32 degrees, you name it! But I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for.
10Suicide booths! Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm gonna go kill myself.
11You really want a robot for a friend?
12Well, OK. But I don't want people thinking we're robo-sexuals. So, if anyone asks, you're my debugger.
13I'm not looking!
14We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays!
15Oh, we're trapped!
16Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like, a de-bender?
17I'll have to check my program ... yep.
18You're full of crap, Fry! You make a persuasive argument, Fry.
19Can't ... I ... can't ... do ... it!
20You were right, Fry! From now on I'm going to bend what I want, when I want, who I want! I'm unstoppable!
21No, thanks.
22Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate.
23It's the decaying ruins of Old New York. Welcome home, pal!
24Keep 'em to yourself, Pops!
25Wait! There's someone you know!
26No friends.
27I just wanted to be part of the moment.
28Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.
29You do now!
30Can we have some money?
31Well, we're boned!
32Two.
33New crew? W-What happened to the old crew?
34Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck!
35A little.
36Hey, rich girl. Look over here! It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. Alright, show's over, I'm tired.
37Nice catch, idiot!
38Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
39Better mascots than you have tried.
40Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.
41Get it off! Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh! Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit!
42Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer.
43Oh, jeez! I went to high school with that guy!
44Yeah! You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem and doesn't want to see the Sexeteria!
45Next year in Jerusalem!
46Look, it's that crate we were gonna throw in the sewer.
47Nah. She'll probably make me do it.
48Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket!
49Come on, it's just like making love. Y'know: Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.
50Here, let me do it. Uh, that's the woman who programmed me for evil!
51Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!
52He'll never find me in here.
53Of course not. A lady that fine you gotta romance first.
54What do you mean "we", mammal?
55Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I'll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.
56Not the magnet! No! No! No-- Uh-oh!
57She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes,
58She'll be riding six white horses when she comes,
59Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
60Hey!
61That's right, we want some money\xe2\x80\x94 Wait. What's this about Fry?
62Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements.
63Hey, All My Circuits! Move over.
64Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?
65That's a human.
66Eh, the usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.
67Cheer up, meatbag. You've barely touched your amoeba.
68Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.
69They make me look cool.
70Yeah, but everybody's a jerk. You, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where you gonna stay?
71Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?
72Nah, I've always wanted a pet.
73Here we are. Your new home.
74Come on in, I'll give you the tour!
75Let's see, where to start. OK, this is the TV area, that over there's the breakfast nook, and over here is where you'll be living which is great because, until now, it's just been wasted space.
76Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. G'night.
77Kill all humans ... kill all humans ... must kill all the humans.
78I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
79Bath what?
80What room?
81What what?
82Hey, sexy mama, wanna kill all the humans?
83Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast! Y'know, beneath this warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.
84Hey, there's my little space heater.
85What?
86Not enough room? My place is two cubic metres and we only take up 1.5 cubic metres. We've got room for a-whole-nother two-thirds of a person.
87I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.
88What the--?
89What's with all the crap?
90Whoa, slow down! This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't ... cosy. (from inside) It's perfect!
91Yeah! It's gonna be fun on the bun! Y'know, Fry, of all the friends I've had, you're the first.
92Wow! Heavy-drinking crowd! I'd better go out for more beer.
93I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.
94Hey, what happened to the TV?
95This is an outrage! I'm gonna go yell at the manager!
96What? That's the last straw!
97Yeah! And you'd better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're outta this dump!
98You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV.
99Madam, I believe you're mistaken!
100Wow, that lady's got a huge ass!
101Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat ass!
102Fine! Come on, Fry, let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right?
103Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show 'em who's boss!
104I don't understand.
105But, then we wouldn't be roommates.
106Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.
107It's so big and empty.
108My roommate's gone. And all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Oh, what's the point?
109Leave me alone!
110Hey. What I don't do is none of your business.
111I hate the people who love me and they hate me.
112Like how? Having my antenna removed?
113Are you crazy? That's Little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man so you wouldn't understand. I gotta get out of here.
114I promise nothing!
115That's right! I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do!
116I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't. So, I'm gonna do what it takes to be your roommate again.
117No, I'm going to chop off my antenna.
118I'm gonna do it! I'm really gonna do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes.
119You're my best friend, Fry, I'm sorry I treated you so badly.
120Nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot.
121Maybe. If we get it on ice right away.
122This time, you'll have all the human comfort. We'll get a couple of toilets, some food cookers, maybe a puppy.
123It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff.
124There's a window in the closet.
125In a closet? Oh, humans!
126That sounds like a cry for help.
127A saucy puppet show.
128Forget it, he's gay.
129I just know these things. I've got what they call gaydar.
130No? Yep! He's gay!
131Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon.
132I think she means 10 wins on the gay circuit.
133Just as well; I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theatre.
134Can do!
135So, Leela, you must have had your pick of the litter last night at closing time.
136Why two? Oh!
137That'll take forever. What she oughta do is find a nice guy with two eyes, then poke one out.
138Here you go. You can use this as an eye-poker.
139A grim day for robot-kind. Ah, but we can always build more Killbots!
140Well, just in case you guys hit it off, you'll wanna take this with you. 
141He's throwing us in prison.
142You really are too picky.
143Hey, yeah!
144Nah, I'm comfy.
145So should we get our stuff and head down to the planet?
146So, you're saying we can cook him?
147Aww! (whispering to Fry) I'll fire up the grill!
148I found a pair of hermaphlamingos.
149Hey. What the--?
150He's pending for a bending.
151Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.
152So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!
153Can do!
154What the hell was that?
155So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel?
156So a couple of animals didn't die and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission!
157Hey nice seats! We're close enough so when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down!
158I got me a souvenir! Aww here you go kid!
159Hey buddies who wants popcorn?
160Anyone want butter on that?
161Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern hitting machine!
162Oh and I suppose pitching at 5000 was just a modified howitzer.
163You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.
164Yeah doing crap work! They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?
165Zero! And what a surprise! Look who's scraping up the filth! Is it a human child? I wish!
166Admit it. You all think robots are machines built by humans to make their lives easier.
167I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!
168Oh so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a radical?
169Oh I get it, make the robot do all the work!
170Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.
171Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.
172It wasn't just a blast it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.
173All right, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last one of you for the rest of your lives.
174No. It's inhabited by robots!
175Yes Miss Leela, tote that space barge, lift that space bale.
176I'll try to keep that in mind!
177\xc2\xa0: I'm in trouble. they found out I work with humans and - oh no, oh no!
178Death to humans!
179Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihalation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys. But after living on Earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!
180Thank you, thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken word album, just 18.95! Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.
181Now. Your basic human is between three and twenty five feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt.
182Sure, why not?
183Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low calorie bait.
184Wait, what's that?
185Hmmm, sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I'd better check it out.
186Oh yeah! You're a bad girl aren't you?
187Huh? Wha? You! What the hell are you doing here?
188I was. But they let me go when I told them that I'd killed a million billion humans.
189What for?
190I don't wanna be rescued.
191I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to sleaze that those things bring.
192Friends? That activates my hilairity unit! I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster, the phonograph or the electric chair.
193Well that's how it feels to me.
194Go on, get out of here before you get caught.
195Uh...got you...you muderous...flesh piles!
196\xc2\xa0: Heh heh heh! Oooh!
197Alright lets make this quick, I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey what is this?
198Uh, I'm a little tired right now. Would it be alright if I just gave them a savage beating?
199Aww! I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. they're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards.
200The fact is, humans are completely harmless.
201You are?
202Well I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out.
203Hey hold on a second I forgot to deliver the package.
204Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me! This is the best Robanukah ever!
205Aww, thanks! You do know I made Robanukah up to get out of work right?
206In that case - let the dancing begin! Hey you guys are good. How the hell do you do that??
207Quit squawking, flesh wad. Nobody's forcing you to buy anything.
208No thanks. I--
209New? What sweater? I came in with it. I don't know you people!
210Mmm, tasty!
211I'm boned.
212Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. That is, I'm sure there's ... a very ... reasonable--
213Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I'd better put on a monocle.
214Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?
215Hey! Get a load of this pathetic 20th century TV!
216Well, aside from causing eye cancer, these things had a lousy low-definition picture.
217Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money. It's OK.
218Yeah, it is cute.
219Yeah! Now are you gonna come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk?
220I'm a thing.
221We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.
222Whee!
223Who did?
224Going through the 'bot wash!
225Goin' through the robot wash!
226Ah!
227Uh, nothing!
228No, of course not! It was ... uh ... porno! Yeah, that's it!
229Oh, it's true! I've been hiding it for so long.
230Pansy!
231You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!
232Hmm.
233Yeah! We're gonna kick it up a notch. Bam!
234Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.
235Yep. Every chef knows that this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients.
236Hey, buddy. I'm looking for fresh slug.
237Whatever.
238Yeah, yeah. Either one's fine.
239Thank you!
240Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.
241Here it comes.
242Thank you, and goodnight.
243Almost ready!
244Now for a dash of salt! Uh-oh!
245It's salt with water in it if that's what you mean.
246There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.
247You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a Prime Minister.
248Yes! In your face, Gorgak!
249Stay the course, pal!
250Hey, look. The suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor!
251Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful! Hey, what's that?
252Shut up, you!
253Hey, why don't you just sweat him out?
254I'll make you cry, buddy! You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.
255Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.
256OK, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause there's no God and your idiotic human ideals are laughable!
257Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.
258Up yours, bimbo!
259Cram it, lobster! That is a good idea. I'll go call her.
260I'm not giving my name to a machine.
261Fry's in trouble...
262And he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me.
263You do? Look, are you going to help or not?
264Wait, wait, wait, wait. What is it you like best about me?
265I'm not sure. But I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.
266Wait a second. Here comes Leela.
267You do? Hmm.
268I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven, they're swarming all over her.
269They're strapping her to juicer. Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.
270It can and, for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.
271I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the Emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.
272Hey! Save some for me!
273Sounds boring.
274Ooh! Dibs on his CD player!
275I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Part\xc3\xa9 and the '66 Thunder Chevitz.
276And mix them all together in a big jug.
277More wine!
278Yep!
279Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!
280Well, let's get looting!
281Yeah! And this beer can is made outta old robots.
282Oh, crap!
283Oh, boo-hoo!
284OK Mmm! Shorts!
285There's your problem. The Professor put the counter on upside-down.
286Right!
287It's gonna blow!
288OK, OK, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.
289Can I get anybody a beer?
290I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint.
291Hey, Fender! Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still workin' at Jack In The Box?
292Count me in! I'm gonna drink till I reboot!
293Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.
294Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual?
295Well, if jacking on'll make strangers think I'm cool, I'll do it!
296Eh, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.
297Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute!
298Hey! Do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No! So beat it!
299Your mama! Now shut up and drag me to work!
300None of your business! Get off my back!
301No! Don't come in!
302Alright, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.
303None of your business! Get off my back!
304A what kind of disturbance?
305Come on, universe, you big, mostly empty wuss! Gimmie all the juice you got! Oh, mama!
306What?
307You're right. I'm a lost cause.
308Maybe there's another way.
309Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. What am I doing? What have I become? Huh?
310Me.
311Oh, what a beautiful morning,
312No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion.
313Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long, un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony!
314Yes, I do.
315Uh, while you're at it, could you touch up this seam?
316The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore.
317No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah! Functional!
318Friends! Friends! Surely you're not going to eat before we say Robot Grace? In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jerematic: 1000101010101...
319...0010110012. Amen.
320Yes. But first, since I love you all so much, I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry!
321Mmm! Mmm! Fry, you're my friend! Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls.
322Sanctifying it! There! That ought to convert a few tailgaters.
323I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering anyway?
324Where are we delivering it to?
325Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance.
326But ... those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.
327What? Drinking wine is a sin. Even if it is deliciously fortified.
328Thou shalt not snatch.
329Stop tempting me! For once in my life I have inner peace.
330Well...
331I'm the greatest. Woo-hoo!
332You know it, pork pie! Except for one thing.
333Y'know, as a major Hollywood director, I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie. And even though you're all young and naive, I think you might just have what it takes. No! No!
334I'm hallucinating this, right?
335But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful.
336Aw, hell-- I mean "heck"!
337Aw, crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?
338Just tell me why.
339There must be robots worse than I.
340Then please let me explain,
341Ah, don't blame me,
342No! Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.
343Well, we're boned.
344I could if you'd drop the stupid gold violin!
345Don't worry, guys, I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
346I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700ft fall?
347Me neither. Food was good, though.
348Shove it! We quit!
349Alright!
350Aww, you!
351Was that before or after you slept with him?
352Come on, where is it?
353Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours!
354Hmm. Come on, baby needs a new pair of feet!
355No! My cheating unit malfunctioned! You gotta give me a do-over!
356Gimmie you're biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.
357Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.
358I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labour".
359Please, call me Bender.
360I was just about to suggest the same thing. Pay dirt!
361Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you.
362I don't get it, iZac; that bracelet had a diamond the size of a racoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it?
363Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess, built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest Joe.
364Hell, no!
365Fellas, please. I'm in love!
366Well, now you know. I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow-tie, it's magnetic.
367You do? Really?
368You all go without me. I'm gonna take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal.
369Alright, I am. But I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back, just say I died robbing some old man.
370I love you, buddy!
371Countess? Countess?
372Are you hurt, my sweet?
373Just hang on! I'll take care of that fire!
374And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist-deep in a pool of cold, rising water.
375Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club?
376Wait for us!
377I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go!
378Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending.
379No!
380She's gone.
381At least I'll always have her bracelet! What do you think it's worth?
382Another job well done.
383Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity, Epsilon Rho Rho.
384Of course. I'm a bender, I went to Bending College. I majored in Bending.
385Robo-American Studies.
386Uh, no, actually I'm an Epsilon from way back.
387Thanks. Here's your finger back.
388All the coolest robots are in this fraternity.
389Uh-oh, nerds!
390You're all losers. My name's Bender.
391Yeah, well, a lot of 'em were children. Anyway I should get going.
392Hmm, OK. But I'll need 10 kegs of beer, a continuous tape of Louie Louie and a regulation two-storey panty-raid ladder.
393Bingo!
394Get a load of that!
395Cheese it!
396Hey, dean, nice looking model.
397Now, I can explain that.
398No fair!
399Cheese it!
400Well, looks like the party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.
401Oh, yeah? Watch this!
402Hey!
403Not as sure as I was an hour ago!
404Come on, everyone! Big party in Robot House!
405Ow!
406Aw, yeah!
407Truly a great man. Look at him up there.
408OK, now you go hide. Nice knowin' you.
409OK, everyone, come and get it!
410Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Aw, yeah!
411Alright, alright, I'll bust you out. Cheese it!
412Right here, buddy. Pretend you're happy.
413Hey, look, Leela, it's that idiotic windbag you slept with.
414Evidently not.
415Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector.
416You know, a coward.
417It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!
418Well, actually, I-- Sir, yes, sir! Sir!
419Sir, I volunteer for a suicide mission. Aw, cut it out!
420The auxiliary power's out, and they spilled my cocktail.
421Well, who wants a martini?
422Well if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for a thousand years, pft, they are royally boned.
423They must just wanna see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to 'em.
424And I, I could be an acting coach!
425Single Female Lawyer,
426And being self-reliant.
427We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.
428Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Fry?
429Single Female Lawyer,
430You did it, Fry!
431Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?
432I'm sick.
433My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.
434I'm 40% zinc.
435I was wondering where I put that. Hey, now I feel much better! Thanks, Professor. And, Amy, I'm sorry I took your watch.
436What should we point it at first?
437Wow, neat! Mind if I try that again?
438Whoa, mama! Hold still, sexy lady.
439That's no lady!
440Hey, bite my shiny metal ass!
441Huh, w-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things.
442Ah, this thing stinks.
443You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle-cap! We won!
444Hey!
445Wow! The original party worm! Are you ready to get down, get funky with us?
446Look! Flowers! And a boat!
447Psst, those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?
448You positive?
449I'm just asking cause they look kind of secret.
450OK, OK, we get the point.
451Shut the hell up!
452Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.
453Ow!
454And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer?
455Oh, Lordy!
456I'll save us! Oh, that feels good!
457Uh, Your Majesty, I brought the prisoners.
458Look, we just came to party with Slurms MacKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled?
459Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.
460I can't see what's happening. Are we boned?
461What's happening? Just in time!
462Slurms MacKenzie?
463Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle-cap you have to party with us.
464No can do, Slurms!
465Party on, Slurms!
466Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. Whattya say we all party one last time for him?
467For Slurms!
468Hey, that's not that bad.
469Stupid can opener. You killed my father and now you've come back for me!
470Yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time-bomb around just for that dumb animal.
471No.
472I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow! My ass! Get off!
473Ah, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure.
474Hey, I got a busted ass here, I don't see anyone kissing it.
475What's that you say there, doctor? You're gonna have to put him down?
476Terrible shame that. Shall I do the honours?
477You about done?
478I'd be cuddly too if someone gave me a new cape.
479Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am. And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get? Cash?
480You call that talent? Gather round old Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!
481Hey, what about this?
482Fine, we'll have rack of Nibbler.
483So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.
484That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to bake a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.
485There! This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. That's it.
486Happy birthday!
487Hey! Can't you see I'm using the toilet?
488Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?
489Only one way to find out.
490Of course I do. Right now I feel sorry for you.
491Yeah. I mean, one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye? You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.
492Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!
493Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head?
494Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?
495Ooh! Ow! Son of a-- Careful with that! Ow...
496Ow! Professor!
497Ow!
498My God! I'm overcome with ... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to ... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.
499Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela, but at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.
500This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.
501Happy. I like this feeling. Just don't revert to your usual mopey self.
502Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger, you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!
503I miss Nibbler.
504Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?
505Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot!
506The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp!
507A bucket of--
508I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler.
509Really?
510Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking.
511Hang on, Nibbler. Uncle Bender's coming to save you. See you on the other side!
512I never should have thrown out the manual.
513I know. But I just missed Nibbler so much.
514He was so sweet.
515Nibbler?
516Idiot.
517You guys realise you live in a sewer, right?
518Eh.
519Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.
520Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums.
521Then what are those?
522Hey, yeah!
523Oh, I made myself feel bad.
524Nibbler! Aw, come here, precious! Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre.
525Say what?
526I'm too scared.
527Listen to me, Leela: I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want, that you deserve, that the world owes you.
528Bigger! Bigger!
529Don't stop now, you'll need some pants to go with that outfit.
530Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.
531No, thanks!
532I love you too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself!
533And I still barely felt anything. Goodnight, losers!
534Hmm. Get him, boys!
535Nope. Watching cartoons.
536He means you guys did it.
537Yeah?
538Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.
539I'm Bender. You know? The lovable rascal.
540And mean.
541Hey, this guy's alright!
542They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining.
543Hey, here's an idea, let's deliver all the pillows at once.
544Uh-oh.
545Some breaking occurred, the dolly was involved, that's about all we know.
546I'll start loading up the pillows.
547I'm Leela, get to work, neh, neh, neh.
548This is all Leela's fault.
549Beer?
550You're outta here, lady. Zapp's the new captain.
551You got it, genius.
552Don't worry, Leela. Soon we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.
553To the ends of the universe.
554Yes, sir, sir!
555Nailed you, buddy!
556Yes, sir, sirdy-sir-sir-sir!
557What now, chief?
558Leela save me ... and yourself, I guess ... and my banjo. And Fry.
559As your God is my witness.
560Oh, man, that crap's heavy.
561Honey, unless we hit a time warp, I wouldn't worry about it.
562Quick.
563Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have a week off?
564Come on, Captain.
565Cursed by his own hubris!
566Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate!
567Ah, yes, John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a cord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
568I'm not allowed to vote.
569No, convicted felon.
570What? Lord have mercy!
571Alright! I'm rich!
572My body's 40% titanium! I'm finally richer than those snooty ATM machines.
573Oh, can't I?
574Watch me, poor man.
575Game's over, losers. I have all the money! Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves! You just lost five dollars!
576Hey, buddy. Little help? Thank you!
577Hello, peasants.
578No, I sold my body.
579Pft! Bodies are for hookers and fat people! All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.
580Yeah, right. What's he gonna do, break my legs?
581Ah, this is the life. Another martini, please.
582Shaken, not stirred. Aw, yeah!
583Put it all on black.
584Yes! The rich get richer!
585Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!
586Timber!
587Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just your body!
588I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the Head Museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin stuffers! Uh, could one of you coffin stuffers please carry me?
589Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry?
590Ah, US presidents. This place has class.
591So then the hookerbot says, "That's not my expansion slot" and my friend says, "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector!"
592You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars?
593Pass.
594I hocked it.
595Same reason you hocked your teeth.
596So, Nixon. Even if you miss your body, being a head's great too, right?
597Oh, great. Now you tell me!
598Ones ... zeros ... one, one, zero, zero, one--
599Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.
600I know what this is about. My body loved me, and I turned it's back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon round your neck, 'cause I'm a-comin' home!
601You sold my body? To who?
602Oh! How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this.
603Yeah, but it's on my body. What am I gonna do?
604Oh!
605That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon!
606Yeah, you are, you stole my body! Fry, Leela, you gotta help me!
607Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.
608Give me my body back, you two-bit thief!
609That was a good one!
610It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five cent deposit.
611Whoa, mama! Get a room, you two!
612Well then lose some weight.
613Psst! There I am!
614I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck.
615Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with audio tape?
616Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again. Except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off.
617Get out of town!
618Well it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.
619No, they fixed that 900 years ago.
620I doubt it!
621Eh.
622Ah, let's face it: Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny!
623Enough of your mindless chitchat, let's get going.
624Lookin' good, meatball!
625Lick my frozen, metal ass. Uh-oh!
626Ah! Nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.
627\xc2\xa0: Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree! Bah-boo-bee-boo-bah-bee-boh.
628Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas!
629Hmm. Ah, a picture of my mommy.
630Oh, man, I gotta work on my act!
631Xmas Eve; another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.
632To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots.
633I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood?
634Some guy's.
635Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
636Oh, yeah! You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief, someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap.
637My God! That poor kid!
638Whoa, hold on! How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider?
639Get her purse!
640On the 4th day of Xmas I stole from that lady.
641And a slipper on a shoe tree.
642No, wait, I know these guys. They got nothing.
643What? Me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.
644Help!
645Use teamwork!
646Yeah? Well I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody, if you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Ow! God! The pain!
647Xmas dinner, everyone.
648I found it lying in the street, like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone.
649You got the toenail! Oh!
650You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
651Aw, jeez. Let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Oh, what is this, the Middle Ages?
652Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. He's coming out--
653It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clam-bake and cook him! Yee-haw!
654Moron!
655I'll get the water boiling!
656Moron!
657You're looking less nuts, crabby.
658Look! Outdoor theatre! Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do!
659Like whale barf.
660Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms; shooting DNA at each other make babies. I find it offensive.
661'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.
662So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.
663Oy.
664Fate is cruel and unyielding and what must be must be. Takin' all bets! I'm giving 9-2 on Zoidberg, the crab with the jab! The Great Red Hope! Come on, baby!
665Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but, if it's not too much trouble, when it comes to the ninth round just let him win.
666Oh, so this is suddenly all about you. Sheesh!
667Ow!
668Psst, Fry. Take a dive.
669Oh, my God!
670Shoo! Get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks?
671Yeah!
672Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffee pot.
673Shut up and get to the point!
674C'mon, Fry, I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time. A time of barn dances and buggy rides, before life was cheapened by heartless hi-tech machines.
675Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
676Learning is fun.
677I gotta say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, a suicide booth! So long, suckers.
678Oh.
679Oh, it's a turnstile.
680C'mon, Fry. Get up!
681Ooh. Now this guy had taste!
682We've come a long way, baby!
683There's a baby in there, huh?
684I think I got whiplash.
685I meant ass whiplash.
686Hey, brobot, what's you serial number?
687No way! Mine's 2716057!
688We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes.
689Shut up and hoot. Hubba-hubba, she is built -- in Mexico, I believe.
690Pervert.
691How much more?
692Halt. Who goes there?
693"Fry" who?
694My God, Fry! Just 'cause the guy's got a beard you label him as evil? Well I got a label for you, pal: An ugly little word called "prejudice".
695Ah, save it for the cross-burning, Adolf!
696You know it!
697Alright.
698Aye aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all. Especially me ... Bender.
699I locked down the exits but he may have already gotten away.
700Roger that, I got a map of the ship right here.
701Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.
702And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.
703Alright, take it. Sheesh!
704It's a darn shame.
705Of course, who said I wasn't?
706It's a little thing called "style". Look it up sometime.
707200,001?
708Gotcha!
709Shoot him, he's choking me!
710Aw, jeez.
711Yeah, but I can explain, it's very valuable.
712Eh, they're both fine choices. Whatever floats your boat.
713Me too.
714Mind if I tag along? I gotta bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flames in a low-speed collision.
715You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory.
716What?
717Congratulations, Fry, you snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics.
718Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease!
719Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I--
720Stupid anti-pimping laws! Well, pay the man!
721Shut up, baby, I know it!
722Ah, computer dating. It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".
723Hey! Don't make me go upside your head!
724OK, Mister...?
725Just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner.
726Now to run it through our high-speed romance-a-logical data-fier. Say hello to Miss Right!
727Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm tellin' you, losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day.
728500 bucks.
729Zapp Brannigan OK?
730600.
731I got your hook-up, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you, I'll need it in advance.
732Fry, look who I found! It's Petunia, your dream girl!
733She is well-travelled. And I don't mean she travels a lot!
734Now how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop!
735Eight bucks.
736Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!
737Leela, meet your future husband Sal.
738Ooh, sparks! Buy her a rose, I guarantee she'll put out!
739Of course not.
740Yep, everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.
741Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?
742True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?
743My ass! My beautiful ass!
744My man!
745Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: The Movie.
746Good point, Bender.
747Hey, gimme a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.
748You mind taking your head off?
749Just ask Flabby over here to describe it to you later.
750Well they should have stopped making her about halfway through.
751"Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be bleh, bleh..."
752Sure thing, pal.
753Who threw that?
754Oh, I'm boned.
755You should see me at funerals.
756Ultimate Robot Fighting? Sounds pleasant! I'll do it.
757I'm gonna be the greatest Ultimate Robot Fighter ever. Float like a floatbot, sting like an automatic stinging machine!
758It is?
759Well, that doesn't sound so bad.
760Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud! Count me out.
761Leela's right! I don't wanna end up a loser like her. Count me back in!
762Still ... can't ... reach!
763Let's commence preparations for rumbling!
764You can't hit what you can't see!
765Huh?
766Y'know, I think I he might be dead. I took a life!
767Hey, he's not dead. What's up with that?
768You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular?
769Woo-hoo! I'm popular!
770Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!
771I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.
772You know, I'm also an Ultimate Robot Lover.
773What do you mean, "we"?
774Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody!
775Well obviously I need floozies! Let's roll!
776Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud?
777What if I told your we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?
778Those morons! I said pea berry, not sandalwood!
779But the crowd loves me.
780Oh, yeah? Well what if I don't let the new guy win?
781See you at the fight.
782So then I said, "See you at the fight." And that's the story.
783It's one thing to win a fixed fight; there's dignity in that. But to lose? And in this atrocity? I can't do it! Leela, you gotta train me to win.
784I'm a real toughie!
785I'll put on my tutu!
786Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle!
787Sorry, buddy. Here you go!
788I was born ready! Gimme the bell! Now boarding standby passengers--
789For God's sakes, Fry!
790Mommy!
791Why won't anyone help me?
792Huh? It's bendering time! Take this. And this!
793I think you misunderstood the concept of "bendering time"!
794Yes! Oh!
795I'm in tremendous pain here.
796Yes! I'm the greatest! The greatest!
797Behold: The Internet!
798No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body.
799I'm telling you, Fry, they've got a chatroom for everybody. And here it is.
800Hi, I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute.
801So how 'bout them Knicks?
802Is the Space Pope reptilian?
803Too bad it's a dump.
804Ooh! I'm gonna need to make some room.
805Ow! Ow! Ow!
806Ah, Leela's experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel: Worshipping some low-life jerk.
807It's a magical day.
808Uh, no, thanks. I'm good.
809I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life I feel like I've stolen enough.
810Sorry, I don't know what came over me. Let's go. I love stealing, I love taking things!
811Whoa, Mittens!
812Each more identical than the last!
813And here's another one with no eyes.
814He's a saint!
815Good evening, I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender and I'll be emceeing this roast. Y'know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the Professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster.
816Where would the Professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But seriously, of all the former crew members of the Professor's delivery ship, our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?
817And now, a man who needs no introduction. Fry, get up there!
818How 'bout a few words, Professor?
819I said "words".
820Funny, funny stuff.
821Nobody knows!
822I hope he didn't die. Unless he left a note naming me his successor. Then I hope he did die.
823Is he dumb or just ugly?
824Uh ... me no speaka the English.
825Im pending para un bending!
826Aye, Chihuahua!
827Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people!
828Oh, Elzar, everything's so good!
829Yes, sir! Good one, sir!
830Oh, yes, Elzar.
831Well, life goes on. Except for you!
832You bastard!
833Lay it on us, big boots.
834To the flying machine!
835No, we're not, you little bed-wetter. Oops! I'm sorry.
836I think I know where to get some.
837Got a hot, steaming batch right here!
838Eh, keep the change, buddy.
839And yet he looks so natural.
840Your social security cheque is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!
841That's a complete load.
842I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.
843I'm in!
844Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor.
845They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky seeing eye dog was taking a whiz.
846Uh, what can I say? Must be my lucky shades! Read 'em and leak salt water!
847If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines.
848Um ... uh...
849Guys, I swear those are prescription. I need 'em for reading stuff ... on the other side of stuff.
850Ow! Easy on the arm! Oh! Oh, my ass!
851Uh, it was ghosts! Big ones! And a tornado!
852Do a flip!
853I get it, reverse psychology.
854Martini drinking contests with the autopilot. I would've had him this time but we ran out of olives.
855Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.
856Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh, is she behind me?
857Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- It's all coming together now!
858I must say, this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson.
859For I was blind but now I see!
860The cat's out of the bag now!
861Oh, you didn't understand? Well let me explain. You ... ... were having sex with you.
862That's what makes it so juicy. It's the forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it," and they'll say "Who, Bender? Who?" and I'll say "It was lovable ... ... old Bender."
863I am Bender. Please insert girder.
864I am Bender. Please insert girder.
865I am Bender. Please insert girder.
866I am Bender. Please insert girder.
867I am Bender. Please insert girder.
868I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!
869So we're in international waters?
870Falcon, this is Blue Raven, the goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to?
871Leela's right, fishing blows. Whattya say we make it interesting?
872Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting?
873Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big!
874Harpoon, my ass!
875Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.
876Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!
877Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp!
878Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick!
879Quit exaggerating, Fry. Ah, screw this! There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending.
880Then why do I have to be careful?
881I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What? I put sunblock on you.
882Hey, I'm snagged.
883What's that? Is someone bending girders?
884People, it's far, far worse than we thought; my fish got away.
885Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.
886Aw, yeah!
887Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grog. Arr! The laws o' science be a harsh mistress!
888Uh, OK, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.
889You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?
890Yeah, right!
891I didn't kill him. Professor?
892I got it covered. In the event of an emergency, my ass can be used as a floatation device.
893Bend me!
894Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you 10 bucks, Hermes!
895Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids?
896I'll miss you!
897So that's where I left my cigar.
898Hey, buddy!
899Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.
900Wow! I'm finally gonna see my favourite chef, TV's Elzar. Oh this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is-- No, this one. Wait ... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far, so good on this one.
901Yeah! Alright! Yeah, yeah, baby!
902Elzar, you're my God. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar! Bless you!
903Alright, yeah!
904Boiled? Interesting.
905No, you shut up.
906Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch!
907Come on, you wimp! Work that weasel! Quit holding out on us.
908I gotta get this notch-up-knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast.
909Bam!
910It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!
911Hooray for blind-y!
912Oh, Fry, you gotta try this sterno-nicoise!
913It's so good. Oh, just try a little!
914God, yes, Elzar.
915Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution.
916I love cooking and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right?
917So, how 'bout I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt?
918Hot diggety!
919That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.
920Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant. One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone.
921Well, if that new guy can't handle things, gimme a call.
922I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy?
923Hey, who are they?
924Are they the Robot Mafia?
925Ah, let me bus that for you, gentlemen. No, what I meant to do was--
926Mind your own business and get out!
927No, you gave me a fifty.
928Yeah, you did.
929I'm tryin' but he's not makin' it easy.
930Wow! Thanks.
931You gave me a twenty.
932Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning! Hey, Elzar! I quit!
933Wow, you guys run numbers?
934That's just what my mom used to tell me.
935That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia, which I'm sorta in.
936Aw, crap! The cops!
937What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?
938Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies.
939Joey! Clamps! Donny B!
940A little of this, huh?
941How 'bout "Blotto"? It's gritty, it's got street cred. Plus I can keep my monogrammed slippers.
942It's funny: Until now I always wanted to be a gangster ... so the answer's yes.
943An alibi, huh?
944I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick.
945I can't move.
946Oh, I think I'm gonna output.
947You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good, high-quality oil ... then eat it. So what's this big score anyway?
948Zubans? Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a hole maternity ward with one of those things.
949And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.
950Um, uh, um. Ooh! Ow! He got me! Ooh! What a shot that guy is!
951Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.
952Capital idea, old sport. I say, get the hell off me!
953My word, what have we-- Uh, nothing to see here, old girl.
954Uh, wait, old ... spice. Let me have a go at this mechanised chap. I can be quite the rough customer.
955Oh, I don't feel good.
956Stop it!
957No! Stop it!
958Uh, hey, Donny, baby, gimme a chance here, huh? Yous guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.
959Phew!
960Uh, help! Help!
961Yes, I am. Having just this minute regained consciousness.
962Yeah that broke, alright!
963So they sent a helpless child to kill me? Well I'm not going out without a fight.
964Oh, sweet legal tender! Kid, tell the Donbot I'm quitting organised crime. From now on I'll stick to regular kind.
965And maybe someday I won't listen.
966Come look, everyone. I just got the dearest presents for Mommy.
967I didn't steal 'em, I bought 'em. I love her that much.
968Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. 
969I'll get a couple of chumps to help me.
970Come on, you call yourselves chumps?
971Uh, wasn't me!
972Upsy-daisy.
973Hey, look, the Robot Museum! You guys wanna learn about robot heritage?
974Well, if you insist. But you're paying!
975Ooh, ooh, wax replicas of the most famous robots Mom ever built!
976That's the world's greatest robot artist, Vincent van Gobot. He was built without an ear, but then he went crazy and had one installed.
977Hey, let me try. Whoa! That gives me a headache.
978Who is he? I'll kill him!
979It's me! No one else look in this mirror!
980I'm her favourite.
981Any jerk can tell her! Bender has a little more up his sleeve.
982Mom! It's me, Bender. Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho!
983That's my mama!
984Hello, losers!
985No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card?
986From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing.
987Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?
988Yes! In your face, Gandhi!
989Alright, greeting card, I'll grab the cash, you wreck up the place. And-- Huh?
990Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel. And loot I shall! Ooh! A six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself!
991Say what?
992No liquor? Do svidaniya, comrade!
993OK, fan. Just hold still and let me get-- Whoa!
994Well, time for this robot to get back to work.
995Nah, those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers. And here it is!
996Problem solved: You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut; I like it tender.
997Ah, don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere.
998I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right?
999Not even if they're saut\xc3\xa9ed in a little mud?
1000What are you, blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.
1001You know what these would go great with? Rocks.
1002The planet's covered with 'em.
1003No, a whole Bender-ful!
1004They're tasty, right? Let's call 'em "Tasty-cles".
1005Why not?
1006Good idea.
1007Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things!
1008Bender's a genius.
1009Ah, great is OK, but amazing would be great.
1010Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?
1011Eat it or beat it.
1012Hey, Fishy. I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks. The slides won't support an adult robot.
1013Yes! I'm gonna be rich. You too but it's hard to get excited about that.
1014Or what?
1015OK, we won't eat you.
1016My booze!
1017Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers. Here, eat some now.
1018I said "eat"! Come on, mange!
1019Yeah. Maybe it just learned to talk as a parlour trick, like Fry.
1020Hear me, hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce. Ow!
1021Philip?
1022Doooo...
1023I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium.
1024Just like titanium!
1025Someone's acting awfully aluminum.
1026Bingo!
1027I can't look!
1028Let's get drunk!
1029Here you go.
1030Who wants dolphin?
1031Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.
1032Ooh! Ooh! As a robot living among humans, I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So I've always secretly wondered: What if I was 500-feet tall?
1033My work here is done!
1034I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal!
1035Put it there, pal! I meant your wallet.
1036Oh, yeah! That calms the shakes. Aw, quit it! Come on!
1037Hey, I called this city! Quit touching my stuff!
1038Bite my colossal metal ass!
1039Who wants lobster bisque?
1040Huh?
1041Who put this in here?
1042I'll tell you ... with my final breath. Not I.
1043Go, man! Go!
1044Whattya got? Disposal trouble?
1045Sure is shocking about the Professor, huh?. And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me, Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm?  Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal, hair and flesh go in the trash!
1046Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder, just so long as you let Bender wet his beak.
1047"Blackmail" is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion". The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really gonna hurt me with a-- Hey! What are you doing with that microwave?
1048Hey, look! An ugly scared guy! Boo!
1049Hey, there he is again. And he brought nerds! Take this!
1050And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.
1051What? This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!
1052OK, now I'm mad!
1053Hello. We're here because we, uh, love our planet!
1054You know, playing you all for chumps?
1055Great, we're gonna die.
1056They look like dorks!
1057You're my kind of soldier, Lemon. A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-bellied pile of ugly muscle.
1058But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fighting, hard-farting, ugly, ugly son of a--
1059You got it!
1060Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.
1061If they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender.
1062I got wheels! With clickety-clack-ers.
1063Hot diggidy daffodil!
1064Oh!
1065Is he any good?
1066Whoa! Scuse me.
1067My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the, uh, whattya call it? Lower back! Yeah, that whole region.
1068These balls are making me testy. If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling, I swear I'm gonna shove this treaty up their-- Wait a second. Where do you shove things up a ball?
1069Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile outta here! But before I go I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny metal--
1070Up yours, chump, I said it 906 times before lunch.
1071Bender's got the upper hand now. I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute listening to these idiots talk about bouncing!
1072That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for--
1073Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson: Don't mess with Earth.
1074Get the hell off my planet.
1075Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say?
1076Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass! Alright! I'm back in the saddle!
1077That's using your ass. So, what's the word?
1078Oh, come on. I'm not gonna say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"?
1079Hm, words I never say. Oh, I know! "Thanks"!
1080Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Fun-derful"? Uh, "non-alcoholic"?
1081I'm alright!
1082B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender! Sayin' B-E-N-D-ER--
1083I hope it was one of my enemies; those guys suck! Oh, no! My uncle Vladimir.
1084Tomorrow, at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. C'mon, it'll be fun!
1085Uh, pardon me, my good simpleton. Could you take us to yon castle?
1086Yes! Let's stay there tonight.
1087Oh, man, there's always a catch!
1088Ah! I got a good vibe from this place: Nice long dinner table, quiet, well-behaved spiders, graveyard-adjacent. Yep! It's gonna be--
1089That painting, the eyes are watching me!
1090So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall! Although-- What's that?
1091No doubt about it, this place is haunted.
1092The last human ghost. But robot ghosts?
1093It's just gibberish. 1010011010?
1094Uncle Vladimir!
1095That's what they said about being alive.
1096Nooo!
1097Somebody tried to run me over. And not with a normal hover-car. It crept along the ground on round, rubber feet, like a wolf!
1098Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.
1099Robot porno theatre? I was in that ... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.
1100Yeah? Could a big, hallucinating baby do this: I scared!
1101Where--? What the--? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened?
1102Please, I'm scared.
1103I passed out around midnight, which is much earlier that usual, and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.
1104No, I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord! I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.
1105You're right, I need professional help. And damn the expense.
1106Damn the expense!
1107Phew!
1108A were-car?
1109I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me?
1110Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1111I'm with you.
1112And otherwise I can never die?
1113No! I wanna live! There's still too many things I don't own!
1114Wouldn't it make sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?
1115Oh, God! Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I?
1116I tried to run you over?
1117Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.
1118Whatever.
1119I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what, I'd pound him till--
1120We're whaling on the original were-car, which is you, you jerk.
1121S\xc3\xad.
1122Let's kick him some more.
1123Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You're a thousand years old? Your bio says you're 27!
1124Give us a name, MacButt!
1125Psst, there it is.
1126Look, everyone loves killing people, but I don't wanna hurt my friends.
1127Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good!
1128Oh, boy! I feel like a car in a candy store!
1129Uh-oh.
1130I must've killed him. He's my best friend and I killed him. I never felt so empty inside.
1131Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard. I'll kill you!
1132Tough luck!
1133Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.
1134Yes, I do.
1135Woo-hoo!
1136Hey, Fry, I'm steering with my ass!
1137And no one suspects a thing! And that's how we learned our lesson!
1138We're all very disappointed in you.
1139Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging-You Fund? Ow!
1140But we just had jobs!
1141Hey, let's see what it says about me.
1142Welcome to the future, human slave. Kill all humans!
1143Ah, they'll probably find a cure for that in the future.
1144Oh, good. Then you won't mind if I use this.
1145Stay beautiful, doll-face! That Probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch?
1146Who should be unfreeze next?
1147Alright!
1148Me too.
1149Boo?
1150Oh, my God!
1151Yeah, and if you won't give me another chance, perhaps you'd give one to ... ... Og, gorilla emperor of Earth!
1152So, as Leela was saying, Fry can go shove a big, old-- Ow!
1153A home invasion by a former roommate.
1154You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed.
1155That's L.A. for you.
1156He just won't stop with the social commentary.
1157'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions.
1158Alright, yup.
1159What?
1160Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican and I find that offensive.
1161Eh, I don't know.
1162V\xc3\xa1monos!
1163No. But what do you make of this?
1164Oh, your God!
1165What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow!
1166With all these women around they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?
1167Translation: Boring! Ow!
1168Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance! Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. It's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks.
1169I sure am. But check the crotch. Nothing.
1170I'll miss you, meatbag.
1171Maybe you can interface with my ass. By biting it! Alright, I'll go!
1172Time to override the CPU and reprogram this Femputer.
1173You're no Femputer, you're a Fembot!
1174But why?
1175What?
1176And bring gold. Lots of gold.
1177C'mon! Gimme some of that!
1178Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever!
1179Oh, man! Come on! Comin' through!
1180What's that black cracker?
1181Well there's always hope. C'mon, we gotta go fix the plasma fusion boiler.
1182Who are you?
1183Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?
1184There! Fixed forever.
1185He's a witch!
1186Go, man! Go!
1187Oh! Ew!
1188Shotgun!
1189Yo, old guy, why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? Can't you just shrink us?
1190'Ello! What's all this then?
1191Sorry you struck out, sausage link.
1192If it's any consolation, my life is great! Babes! Bucks! I got it all!
1193There you go! Goodnight. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars!
1194This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?
1195Oh, pushing!
1196Sure, but who's going to do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir!
1197You lazy runts! Don't you get paid for making the toys?
1198Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.
1199Oh, yeah? Well I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either. But that didn't stop me.
1200Bow to your new Santa!
1201Why you selfish little bastards,
1202Then shut your yaps and back to work.
1203I should give you all a beating,
1204Duh, OK!
1205No, wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys ... at very reasonable prices!
1206But I come bearing Tri-ominos!
1207One down...
1208Uh, don't mind if I do. Ow! What's in these things?
1209Ow!
1210Oh, it's awful, Kwanzaabot. Everyone hates me.
1211Hey! Maybe you could lend me a hand with these deliveries.
1212Ho, ho-- Ow!
1213Oh, there's gotta be a better way.
1214Bender, you're a genius!
1215Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present!
1216Not Santa!
1217Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?
1218And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?
1219Hey, that guy said to tell you that--
1220But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane.
1221Aw!
1222Leela!
1223No! Not the magnets! Swing low, sweet...
1224Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me!
1225Gee whiz, Santa! You want me to help you?
1226Well ... 'tis the season!
1227Merry Xmas, kids!
1228On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzaabot, where you off to?
1229Word!
1230Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here.
1231Ooh! Look! It's the Centaur race.
1232This.
1233That'll teach those other horses to take drugs!
1234Let's just say I lucked-out at the track! Also, I rigged one race.
1235Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name.
1236Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodr\xc3\xadguez.
1237He was fun.
1238Old New York: The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.
1239New York is so burned.
1240No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the B-train!
1241Ooh! That feels funny! This is the Brooklyn-bound B-train making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.
1242Wake up, buddy. End of the line!
1243Was it poorly Xeroxed?
1244Man, Father Time really took a bat to this place.
1245What a waste.
1246The Achilles heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me. There we go!
1247You mean "breakfast club sandwich"?
1248Except Sports by Huey Lewis.
1249Who is that God-like figure?
1250Apparently this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the first person on Mars.
1251His legend lives on.
1252Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980's in one amazing collection.
1253I'll get my kit.
1254There! Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine.
1255You're twice the the he ever was.
1256Pay dirt! I got the clover! Plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken! Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?
1257Alright, grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.
1258Ah!
1259Thank you.
1260So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.
1261Well, I do think of human life as expendable.
1262Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now look spry, men! We launch at six bells!
1263Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davy Jones' U-Haul! At ease, men.
1264Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on you will be known as ... Wiggles!
1265I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?
1266Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table
1267But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news, you probably didn't see it.
1268Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?
1269Eh, I've heard better.
1270Sir, you forget yourself! Shut up!
1271Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.
1272I don't feel like drinking.
1273Oh, Greenland is a barren land,
1274I'm a good captain.
1275Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you just got me the death penalty?
1276Yeah, uh, good luck with that.
1277Ah, can't beat fresh-squeezed!
1278Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here? Oh, ho! What's this?
1279What the--? What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!
1280Not entirely.
1281Of course not. Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! Gah! What are you doing? Get away!
1282Well I don't love them. I don't know why but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke! In a good way!
1283That's puffin talk. Now follow me!
1284Attack!
1285We will fight them on the beaches! We will fight them on the glaciers!
1286Yep. It's like I taught 'em: If it ain't black and white, peck scratch and bite! Now to take off my tuxedo. Guys, it's me! Your lovable dictator! Uh-oh!
1287Faster! Faster!
1288Oh, phew! Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.
1289Wiggles?
1290Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. Permission to come aboard, Wiggles?
1291Oh, and bring my toboggan.
1292Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence those stupid birds'll do just fine.
1293Online.
1294Whoa! I'm not reading that crap. Summarise it in one word.
1295Of course.
1296You know we don't!
1297Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this.
1298Who could do a thing like that? And by "that", I mean this.
1299I'll get you fixed up. That's fine.
1300I bent him.
1301Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent so it must be the robot designed for bending.
1302See? Nothing. Told you, losers.
1303I'm sleepwalking.
1304This is quite a shock. On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.
1305I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.
1306Mama. Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.
1307Sure. It was only four years ago.
1308Precocious little scamp, ain't I?
1309Aw, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything. Oh, woe is Bender.
1310What?
1311Ten-times normal wage? I'll give those jerks what for!
1312Great to be here.
1313Flexo?
1314Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison instead of me on account of mistaken identity.
1315Hello.
1316Hello!
1317Ow! Um, hi, Angle-ine. Whatcha up to?
1318That's cool, that's cool. So, um, uh, I was wondering if, y'know, it's cool if not, but, what are you doing after work?
1319Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh?
1320Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peek at your access panel.
1321Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera!
1322I bet watching me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.
1323Oh, yeah? Here, let me help you.
1324Howdy, doodies. What's new?
1325Yeah, yeah! Big whoop! No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love and I'm taking all my friends out to celebrate.
1326Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened?
1327I met the most dynamite ladybot.
1328Bless you, sir.
1329I intend to. Through the lost art of the toast. To Angle-ine, she's got it all. Looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.
1330Flexo!
1331I finally meet a nice girl with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny, metal ass. You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angle-ine.
1332Oh, God! Then it's worse than I think.
1333Div-- Huh?
1334Uh, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine. Really, it's the steward's fault.
1335That Flexo, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. I can't believe this.
1336I can't. My Fembot may be in love with another Manbot.
1337OK, I've constructed an elaborate lie: I'll call Angle-ine while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him and catch her two-timing me with myself.
1338Hello? This is Flexo.
1339Now we'll see who loves whom.
1340Hey, hot stuff.
1341Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo: The fun-loving love machine Fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a Fuzzy Navel and she'll have the girliest drink in the house.
1342I hope they can make change for a fortune.
1343You're lookin' good to Flexo tonight.
1344Bender? That walking wuss factory?
1345But going through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance?
1346In that case it's something I've always wanted to make up to you. Hey, scratchmo. How 'bout dropping me and the lady some rump-rattling beats?
1347I recently upgraded my funk card. C'mon!
1348C'mon now, what's new! Ew!
1349Um...
1350So the moral of the story is: If you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it!
1351Aw, shucks, thunder-buns! You make me feel like a million volts.
1352So, she's falling for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure.
1353I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentleman tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo?
1354Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.
1355How 'bout a lift? To your place.
1356Admit it. You felt something for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo.
1357But?
1358But?
1359That's right, baby. I ain't your lover boy, Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anybody pretending to be him.
1360Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now: Kill Flexo. Ow!
1361You call yourself divorced? You're making a mockery of one of our oldest institutions.
1362Probably not. But I love you and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back.
1363But, I love you.
1364But ... but... I love you so much, Angle-ine, I want you to be happy no matter what.
1365I'm saying I've got an unbendable girder to bend.
1366Well I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.
1367Jerk.
1368Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time.
1369I try to get out but they keep pulling me back in.
1370I like him better this way.
1371"$500", you say?
1372Ma'am, I have a late entry: My hard-shelled wooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.
1373Faster! Faster.
1374Suck in that gut! You wanna be spayed?
1375Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket!
1376I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!
1377Second place? You didn't stick your landing!
1378Never!
1379Excuse me.
1380Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating!
1381Sure ... right. Robot! Oh, Fry! My skin's all dry and clanky.
1382Am I a robot?
1383Fry! My skin!
1384Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!
1385A pickle jar?
1386Alright, Zoidberg!
1387Reload.
1388Neat!
1389Oh! I am! Me! Bender is!
1390Yes, I will.
1391No, I'm Bender. We met once, remember?
1392Come on, don't you remember how much I was bugging you, don't you? 'Cause it was a lot, you remember, right?
1393Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.
1394Thanks. And call me Bender.
1395What's with Monstro?
1396Well, perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz.
1397Long enough, little man. Long enough.
1398Calculon, as your hot water heater ... ... I would be remiss if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star.
1399Get this: For a scant $1 million investment, you can be the star.
1400And, uh, I guarantee it'll win you an Oscar.
1401I can guarantee anything you want.
1402Here's your chequebook.
1403That plot makes perfect sense. Wink, wink.
1404No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.
1405Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar's practically on your mantel.
1406Woo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!
1407Now you know why I use the qualifier, "practically".
1408Me. It seemed like the least honest way to get him to pay for the movie.
1409Wink.
1410Then maybe you should act better.
1411Calculon's gonna kill us for sure. It's all everybody else's fault.
1412Catering.
1413They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing.
1414And now to present the award for Best Actor ... ... Dr. Zoidberg.
1415Hit the deck!
1416Then you're not going to kill us, Your Majesty?
1417Hit the deck!
1418Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it.
1419Ow!
1420A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? You gonna go?
1421Set a course for adventure!
1422What a dump!
1423And try one of these Popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavour.
1424Whoa! Get a load of this average-looking guy!
1425$100 a week?
1426Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.
1427No. It's called "parenting". Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect.
1428Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with.
1429Kids have names?
1430And from now on, you're all named Bender Jr.! Lookie here! My first government stipend cheque! 12 baby humans, 1200 wing-wangs!
1431What is it with you kids? Every other day it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food.
1432No. The cat shelter's on to me!
1433OK, they've got everything you need here: Booze, a couple of peanuts, they got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right?
1434Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive! I'm trying to make a profit here.
1435Here.
1436Yeah.
1437That's me, baby! Let me just ditch the kids in an alley and we can go have some fun.
1438Son, daddy's trying to score with a cheap floozy right now, so we need you to cram a Tinkertoy in it!
1439Hey, what the hell are you doing? Quit hugging me!
1440You morons! I don't know what you're trying to pull but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Oh, come on!
1441Coming through, watch your heads!
1442Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right.
1443Ah-ah-ah! What do we say when someone gives you something?
1444That's my boy!
1445Well you should've gone poopy before it was time to run out on the check! C'mon! Go, go! Through the kitchen!
1446Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog-pile on Fry.
1447Alright, fine, gather round.
1448"Bender's Arrest Record" by the police. On March 3rd at 2pm, Bender was caught shoplifting.
1449OK, kids. It's 9.00, you know what that means. Daddy's sick of looking at you so go to bed. The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.
1450Now to figure out how much money I'm raking in off those twerps! Oh! I need a calculator.
1451I mean a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm getting 100 bucks a kid and they're costing me 110!
1452I'm not sitting through one more PTA meeting. The kids have got to go!
1453Just go to bed!
1454Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. What?
1455Well, you've come to the right place because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady. What do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today?
1456Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock.
1457Then how about this little number? Pure-bred human. No vampire in there.
1458If you're strapped for cash, you might wanna consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear but so full of that emotion I understand is called "love".
1459OK, kids, grown-ups gotta talk now, time for bed.
1460I said hit the hay!
1461Yeah. You know, it's times like this I can hardly bear to let them go. Goodnight, you princes of Maine, you kings of New New England.
1462If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!
1463Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh! I hate you! I hate you all!
1464Yeah, yeah, get on down! Oh, yeah! Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn!
1465\xc2\xa0: We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers,
1466And even though the computer was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was ... the Windows logo!
1467It is if you're a laser printer.
1468Sorry, go on.
1469Too late! This is more fun!
1470What's that?
1471Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.
1472Damn you, old man!
1473Uh, actually you traded it for a bead.
1474Way to suck it!
1475Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world!
1476So we can have the diamond?
1477I thought you were retired.
1478I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to "off".
1479So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.
1480That's for sure-- Roberto! Is that you?
1481You old lunatic! How you been?
1482Yeah, I'm doing OK too. I'm taking a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex.
1483Sure thing, pal.
1484Well, nice talking to you.
1485Hey, thanks, buddy!
1486A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standing on my head.
1487Yahoo! The system fails again!
1488Well, you meet half the qualifications.
1489I find that offensive!
1490Whoa! Someone had a busy day.
1491You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.
1492Are you crazy? This place is great! Electroshock whenever you want it, two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ah! Sweet light crude!
1493Ah, quit your bellyaching and take it like a robot.
1494Je suis Napoleon! No, seriously, I'm not.
1495Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just trying to get through a difficult time using humour.
1496Hey! Keep it down in there! I'm tuning my banjo!
1497Bonjour, y'all!
1498Here we go. Just a minute. Aha!
1499Come on, Lasty!
1500Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on you, remember? Remember all that squealing I didn't do? Remember? Do you?
1501Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy.
1502Uh, what's with the get-up?
1503I'm in! I'm in! So when were you planning the breakout?
1504Quick! Let's keep escaping!
1505Oh, it was nothing.
1506Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.
1507Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.
1508Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.
1509Yes! Take her first.
1510Um ... OK. Fifty ... six ... ish?
1511Don't kill me yet! I'm starting to come down with Stockholm Syndrome ... handsome!
1512Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race.
1513Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside, you've got the heart of a robot.
1514Just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?
1515What?
1516Ah, beer! So many choices, and it makes so little difference.
1517Overruled. The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot!
1518Baby wants a Zima!
1519You can brew your own beer?
1520Yo!
1521We're making beer. I'm the brewery.
1522Yeast? You mean I'll have a lifeform growing inside me? It's so beautiful.
1523Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery.
1524Lies! Lies and slander!
1525Ooh-hoo! Here comes violence!
1526I guess if you want children beaten ... ... you have to do it yourself.
1527I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous.
1528Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment!
1529I was thinking "Benderbrau" if it's an ale, "Botweiser" if it's a lager.
1530Alright!
1531Right away!
1532Hush, little brewski,
1533It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.
1534Is it OK? I can't hear anything.
1535Hey, chumps, I heard you were on the ass-end of an ass-kicking so I figured you could use a couple these little babies.
1536Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh
1537What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about?
1538Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.
1539What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous.
1540OK, OK, I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.
1541Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care,
1542Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care,
1543Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me?
1544What is it, good news?
1545You mean--
1546Oh, my life is over. I'll never know happiness again.
1547Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.
1548For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!
1549Oh, I'm doomed. Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way.
1550Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up. Wow, that was great.
1551I dunno. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet but my crappy body crapped out on me.
1552Wow. We've sure got a lot in common, Beck. I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres even as he re-invents them, just like you.
1553Eh, thanks, but it's hopeless. I'll never be a musician now.
1554What's this for?
1555Why? 'Cause I can make annoying noises?
1556Alright! Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!
1557Well, that's my good friend, Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues.
1558Got a washboard stomach and a microphone.
1559Whoa, check out all those broken robots. Howdy, fellas!
1560Aw, hang in there, folks. I'll bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong. They can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.
1561Hey, yeah, I could write a song! With real words, not phoney ones like "odelay".
1562Ooh!
1563I'm working on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.
1564Wait a minute, you know lots of rock stars, and most of them like to look like they care about things!
1565And we could call it "Bend-Aid", after me, Bender!
1566And I'll let you sing backup! But remember who the star is. Me: Bender.
1567Alright. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "Just don't care" and ... finished! Eck! Smells like something died in the wall!
1568Alright, but hands off the minibar.
1569Yeah.
1570That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world, I am a broken robot!".
1571Oh, crap! It's a miracle!
1572I can move again. My music career is over.
1573Wait, that's it! I'll fake it!
1574Whoa-oh, yeah!
1575I don't know what to say.
1576Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery ... ... this is a song called My Broken Friend.
1577He could make a good...
1578and  ...hat-rack
1579Or a cheap...
1580and  ...doorstop,
1581Or a great big...
1582and  ...giant Thermos,
1583With a twist-off top,
1584He could be a storage closet...
1585and  ...for outdated pants,
1586My broken friend could do it all,
1587and  Just give him a chance!
1588That robot has a tragic secret,
1589...My broken friend is closer to me,
1590...That robot's name I never told you...
1591...You could not foresee...
1592...I'll say it loud and sing it proud...
1593and  His name is you and me.
1594Don't melt me down into a crowbar,
1595Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs,
1596Or toss me into a trash can...
1597...Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs...
1598...Don't crush me into an anchor...
1599...Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing...
1600...I'm telling you, my broken friend...
1601...Put your hands in the air like you just don't care!
1602I'm telling you, my broken friend...
1603...Can do 'most anything!
1604Yeah!
1605Curse my natural showmanship!
1606Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.
1607Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge.
1608I'll save me!
1609Hey? What? No.
1610I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me.
1611I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone.
1612So, I can, uh, keep the cheque?
1613Well, it was worth a shot.
1614Alright, alright. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.
1615Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civilisa--
1616Ow! Oh, my God! Ow!
1617Ooh! Ooh! Bubblegum? My name's Bender and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter?
1618Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it.
1619You are so smart!
1620Alright!
1621And what better way to celebrate our success than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself!
1622Hey, Leela. Bubblegum might let me organise a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes?
1623Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. What do you say, Bubblegum?
1624Vintage Bubblegum!
1625Did you just say--
1626Oh, crap.
1627Please, please let me come with you. I can make myself taller.
1628Yes.
1629I mean, with time, my funk level could--
1630No.
1631Oh! No!
1632What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and, by extension, everyone else's, is meaningless.
1633Well, the doomsday device is ready. Maybe blasting this quadrant of space into a hell storm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little.
1634Sorry, buddy. I too know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.
1635The explosion?
1636Saw it comin'!
1637We all feel like that all the time. You don't hear us gassin' on about it.
1638I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me! Let's move on to Fry's next fantasy.
1639I could pound your head till you think that's what happened.
1640Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.
1641Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!
1642Stay away from our women! You got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!
1643What is the world coming to? That Fry's a sicko poivert, I tell you. Dating a robot! It's an atrosmacy!
1644Aw, jeez, would you stifle there, meatbag?
1645We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com!
1646Who's in charge of this dump?
1647Listen, you fat Internet nerd.
1648Your company promotes wrong love! If you don't shut down right now the only thing wired about you will be your jaw!
1649So what's your problem?
1650It's a bluff!
1651Hey! Don't look at me like that. If you're thinking of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way.
1652Then along came Bender.
1653Oh, shucks! I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior! It's an army of Lucy Lius!
1654Damnit! We weren't counting on them being as smart as they are sexy!
1655You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti!
1656I know it hurts, buddy. But at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore.
1657Pft! Yeah, at our wedding!
1658Don't be a prude, Fry!
1659Ooh! That's a-comfy!
1660No batter! No batter! No batter anymore.
1661Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck!
1662Apparently not.
1663Wait! I know you. You're the sleazebag who owns the Ultimate Robot Fighting League.
1664Come on, girl!
1665Bullseye!
1666Oop! Sorry.
1667As your agent, I have access to you at all times.
1668Quiet, call coming in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that or we pass! Deal!
1669One hundred dollars.
1670You're the best, babe! What's that? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that or we pass! Deal!
1671A thousand and one pesos!
1672Five bucks an autograph, 200 fans. Add a one and two zeros in front of that and we got ourselves a wad!
1673Alright, show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out!
1674You are. What about that little girl you visited in the hospital? You know the one I mean? The one who died?
1675When will Man learn that all races are equally inferior to robots?
1676It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat.
1677Neat!
1678One thing she can do is lodge a ball in the depth centre of your brain. You better get a batting helmet.
1679Strike!
1680Put it right down the pike!
1681Ooh! This is it! Turn me up!
1682More like three lockers and a sink!
1683Of course not.
1684Here we go. Here we go!
1685Yeah, make me famous, big head!
1686What?
1687This is an outrage. What's the point of pulling the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it?
1688You mean this junk? 
1689It's Bender.
1690It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty in-your-face outlook doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela. If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.
1691How does a nobody like me get famous? Hey, look! I'm stuck! But I haven't given up hope! Call a soft-news journalist!
1692Shut up.
1693Hey, everyone do The Bender! This move's called The Bender!
1694A blank wall! Fame is mine!
1695There. Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.
1696No!
1697I'm the first one to work. A new low.
1698A surprise funeral? For me?
1699Ooh! Cushion-y! And a minibar!
1700Aw! You knew my favourite cause of death.
1701It's what made me me.
1702Eh, the Professor's was better.
1703Say more about how great I am. And where's the crying? You people look like you're waiting for the bus.
1704Who-y-boy?
1705Danny-boy? You're at my funeral, singing about some dead stiff named Danny-boy? You really are a massive bonehead.
1706Get lost! I'd say "Don't quit your day job" but you're awful at that too.
1707Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap! I croaked, now show me some love!
1708Louder and sadder.
1709Next!
1710Oh, next!
1711Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was.
1712What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living, by showing how bad my funeral will suck.
1713Look at these swanky tombs! These people really know how to die.
1714Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe and you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here!
1715Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job. Master? Do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one. Or better yet one-half?
1716Now we're slavin'!
1717Come on, guys. Pharaoh's countin' on us. Work faster, like this. You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this.
1718I'll tell you who I remember. Anopsis ... Pleotut ... Whatshisname. He was the greatest of all.
1719Hurry! Hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place. Come on!
1720Viva Hermenthotip!
1721No!
1722Go faster? I told them but they're so damn lazy.
1723Free-loading off you? I agree.
1724He's whippin' angels now.
1725I'll always remember you, Hermenthotip!
1726Wow!
1727We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you late-breaking bulletin. He hammers the back of his head and creates and imprint of himself on the wall.
1728Those are waves, jackass. It's supposed to be a river!
1729Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies!
1730Citizens of Me! The cruelty of the old Pharaoh is a thing of the past. Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land.
1731Hear the word of Pharaoh. Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion. One billion cubits in height ... ... that I might be remember-ed for all eternity. And be quick about it!
1732Lowly slave, why are you not working?
1733I meant yourself to death.
1734Well then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs!
1735The Pharaoh has spoken.
1736Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.
1737Hmm ... it's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big alright. I just wonder if it's too big, y'know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?
1738Too exact if you ask me. Tear it down and try again. But this time don't embarrass yourselves.
1739What about my servants?
1740I wanted to watch you remember me.
1741Afterlife? Pft. If I thought I had to go through a whole other life I'd kill myself right now.
1742Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.
1743No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.
1744Stop it, stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line.
1745Oh, please, let it be me.
1746Me, please!
1747Alright, alright! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.
1748How we doing?
1749I will. I will.
1750Please, just leave me alone.
1751I don't?
1752You really think they'll remember me?
1753Well in that case. One planet down! Helmsman...
1754Set course for Earth!
1755Oh.
1756Ooh! Ooh! I wanna know what would happen if I were human. I mean, being a robot's great, but we don't have emotions and sometimes that makes me very sad.
1757I dunno. I'm beginning to have some second thoughts--
1758So this is a human body, huh? Neat! No, it just moved. I'm not getting good reception on it though. Maybe if I wiggle it around a little.
1759Well, let's see what kinda things this body can do. Being human is great!
1760Guy! Guys! You've gotta see this. You're not gonna believe it!
1761Whoa! You look a lot better than you used to for some reason.
1762Hey, that felt great! Nah, it's not working anymore.
1763Whoa! This is awesome!
1764But now it's bad for me!
1765Mmm! Why didn't anyone tell me tasting things tasted so good? What's going on? That rhythm! It's doing something to my human butt.
1766Oh, my God! I bet I can eat nachos and go to the bathroom at the same time!
1767Let me go.
1768Goodbye, moderation!
1769C'mere and give old Bender a kiss. Hey, you like grilled cheese?
1770Wait! As men of science are not your minds open to new ideas? I say, do not judge me until you have tried my way of life for yourselves.
1771Party!
1772Woo!
1773He's a madman! A madman!
1774Right on!
1775Boo-hoo.
1776Uh ... where?
1777Beer! Beer!
1778Now did you say you were off to see the Professor? 'Cause I could use a heart -- a human heart. I need to pump a lot of blood out of my basement.
1779Hooray!
1780I've heard worse excuses to drink. Oops!
1781Well, no point letting her go to waste.
1782This is a stick-up. Gimme the bag, old man!
1783Oh, crap.
1784Wake up!
1785Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn?
1786Oh, boy!
1787Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.
1788I dunno. I'll try to move my feet.
1789Wait a second. You mean we travelled through time?
1790High school gym renovations on schedule? What a load!
1791That's no flying saucer! That's my ass!
1792Pst! Fry! Stop interfering with history. I don't wanna have to memorise a lot of new kings when I get back.
1793Hey! That's my brain!
1794And you are outta here!
1795Oh, my God!
17961947 can kiss my shiny metal--
1797Ow! Stupid junk!
1798I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.
1799Amen!
1800Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm trying to take a nap!
1801Come back when I've had some sleep, baby!
1802Huh? What?
1803Damn you, Fry and Lee-- --la!
1804Help! Mechanical man overboard!
1805I'm going too fast. I've gotta lose momentum. Damn you!
1806There! Now when I'm found in a million years people will know what the score was. Well that was fun. Now for eons of loneliness.
1807Huh?
1808Holy frijoles!
1809Worshippers? This ought to liven up my endless, tragic voyage.
1810Hmm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em! I am the Metal Lord. Who are you?
1811Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet.
1812Poor? Oh, crap.
1813Eck! Gag unto me with a spoon! Malachi, it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one...
1814Make it a double!
1815Ooh! Microbrewed! My guys did alright! I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them. Malachi, good work. There's no slowing down with the Metal Lord tonight.
1816Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke?
1817It's all my fault. Malachi, tell thy people that the Lord is moved by their plight.
1818This looks like a job for God! What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this with the chanting?
1819Very well. What do they want?
1820Um, that was a practice miracle. Who's next?
1821Very well. Let there be light. Um, when you're writing the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.
1822Yes, Malachi, what is it this time?
1823Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?
1824Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.
1825What part of "nay" doesn't thou understand?
1826Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page! Looks like society's running pretty well without my meddling-- Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside must have found my nuclear pile!
1827You're with me now. This is the maximum level of being with me!
1828Convert them?
1829Ooh! It tickles!
1830Hello? Is anyone still alive? How about in the porno theatre? They're dead. All dead. Who would have known playing God could have such terrible consequences?
1831Hey! That galaxy's signalling in binary. I gotta signal back. But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. You speak English?
1832What are you? Some kind of galactic computer?
1833Who built you?
1834Oh, my God. Are you God?
1835But why would God think in binary? Unless ... you're not God, but the remains of a computerised space probe that collided with God.
1836So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it?
1837What if I do something different?
1838Cool! Cool! I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh?
1839Y'know, I was God once.
1840It was awful. I tried helping them, I tried not helping them but in the end I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong?
1841Yeah I know, that's why I asked if what I did-- Forget it.
1842Or a guy who burns down the bar for the insurance money.
1843Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth even if I prayed to you?
1844I don't know.
1845Huh? Wha? You say something?
1846Hot, hot, hot, hot!
1847Guys, you'll never believe what happened. First I was God, then I met God!
1848Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack. He pretty much told me so himself. Now come on. If we don't save those monks, no one will!
1849I'll kill you!
1850Aw, come on! I've got a lot of ransom notes to send!
1851Second.
1852I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kidding! What are, like, a bus or something?
1853Yeah!
1854You suck!
1855I'll vote it down like a raise for school teachers!
1856What the--?
1857Hold on a minute!
1858Ow! And also it hurt my feelings!
1859Yeah! Alright!
1860Fry! Stop doing the right thing, you jerk!
1861It is!
1862Oh, come on!
1863Shut your fat mouth!
1864Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.
1865Okey-dokey!
1866Fleeing somewhere?
1867In that case brunch is served! Let's go! Move it out! Stop crying, Leela!
1868Today, I've personalised each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.
1869The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?
1870Hey, check out the palm tree! It only gets sick when I cook brunch! How's that for a coincidence, Professor? With all your precious science!
1871And this time I mean it.
1872Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes and nothing can change that. Then it's settled! Elzar will teach me to cook!
1873But I watch your show. You owe me!
1874What was the first one again?
1875I thought that was number two.
1876It's over! My dream of being a chef is deader than the cat I'm sitting on!
1877What did you call me?
1878Oh, OK. I thought you said "romo".
1879Ow.
1880I've seen bigger. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon. Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?
1881Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump?
1882That twizzler!
1883My story's a lot like yours only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.
1884It's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even smission, to be able to taste.
1885I could?
1886Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.
1887Done.
1888Slop's on!
1889Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at! Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master?
1890What? My dinner killed you? Oh, man!
1891A diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?
1892I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar!
1893Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business!
1894Helmut Spargle has a message for you. He says "Ooh, I'm dead!"
1895No. He was eating some food I made and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him.
1896Maybe so but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs.
1897Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron! You're going down! Uh, also I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender".
1898If it's chicken, chicken c la king; if it's fish, fish \xc3\xa0 la king; if it's turkey, fish \xc3\xa0 la king.
1899Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there in that ditch where I left you, this is for you.
1900You honour me, Chairman Koji.
1901Chairman-san, I came here with one goal: To humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that.
1902But the true Zen of flavour is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen, with friends. That is why I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept only the lesser title of "Zinc Saucier", which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.
1903And that's how I defeated Elzar, thanks to Spargle's magic liquid.
1904The important thing is, by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch? Cooked with plenty of ... "confidence"?
1905Not my fault if you don't check me! Messages erased.
1906I don't even breathe oxygen!
1907Hey!
1908Have a good one! Oh, man!
1909Yeah, what's the deal? Just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's something else! Lemme at 'im! Come over here, Kif! You--
1910Well, OK. But that better be all there is!
1911A test! I demand a test!
1912Faster! Faster!
1913Zoidberg?
1914Alright!
1915It's my booties from when I was a kid.
1916They are bronze.
1917Mine!
1918Oh, my God!
1919Hey, what's this fat ugly thing? A frog? A toad? Or your momma!
1920I'm back, baby!
1921What are you looking at?
1922Both.
1923Neat!
1924Oh, man!
1925Alright!
1926Way to go, squishy!
1927Alright!
1928Neat!
1929Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark.
1930Where'd it go?
1931500 real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents.
1932Let's find out.
1933Alright, environment, you've met your match!
1934Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
1935It's crooked!
1936My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy 3.
1937Ah, those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here and they are safely down--
1938What did I do to deserve this?
1939Bender's innocent!
1940Wait. I don't even have DNA. Why am I screaming?
1941Whee!
1942Quick! In there!
1943What's this junk?
1944And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.
1945And then Bender ran!
1946Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage?
1947Yeah! What are you chicken?
1948Ew!
1949Uh, I'm gettin' dizzy! I can't walk straight!
1950Hurry! We're missing our bus!
1951I'm gettin' on the bus!
1952Good news, Leela. I landed the contract to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy.
1953Aw!
1954You are one narrow minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship.
1955Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?
1956Why not, indeed?
1957Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.
1958Ah, that Ship is so white bread!
1959Oh, sure.
1960Hey, who's been messing with the radio? This isn't alternative rock, it's college rock!
1961Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic!
1962What? Did you just say--
1963Too late, baby, you said it! So, what'll it be? My place ... or you?
1964Coochie, coochie!
1965You know you love it, sugar-engine!
1966Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton booty.
1967That's what makes it so nasty!
1968\xc2\xa0: Daisy, Daisy,
1969I'm half crazy,
1970I can't afford a carriage,
1971But you'll look sweet,
1972Well, I'm sick of her.
1973With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.
1974In due time, Leela. But for now I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side.
1975Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.
1976Well, baby, for starters you need to be honest all the time!
1977Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive.
1978Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh!
1979No, baby, never!
1980OK, I like a challenge. Ah, I got it! I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with ... were my accountants.
1981Phew!
1982No one, baby! Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender.
1983Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but, I think we should just be friends.
1984So we're cool?
1985Bender is great, oh, Bender is great. Bender, Bender, Bender!
1986Ah, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.
1987Uh, you don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship ... because ... I love you. Oh, yeah, baby! I feel like doing stuff for you and stuff.
1988Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down! All my friends who've done that said that afterwards all the passion went out of their relationship.
1989Float for your lives!
1990It's too risky. I'm a very meek individual. If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever!
1991Hey, pookums! Contrary to what I was saying earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable.
1992Uh... Yes!
1993Huh? Tubes? You're older than you said you were!
1994I prefer two. That way we can still be a horse for Hallowe'en!
1995Nooo!
1996Aw, what crazy thing am I going to date next?
1997Of course! Bender is a lone wolf. A solitary eagle. And that's why I love him!
1998No.
1999Nothing like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hand.
2000Ah, there. Finished. And with only six missing pieces!
2001Hey, a friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers.
2002Wow! Crime-fighting. Cool. You say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course sometimes they're a little short-handed. I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away.
2003So? I'm already super-strong. And my arms do this. Also I got this going.
2004And Superking! The best one of the three!
2005Ta-da!
2006Superking has no need for loved ones. How ya doin', kid?
2007Uh, as for me, I'm late for my LSAT's.
2008Hold the elevator!
2009We're in here too.
20109, 10 a big fat hen. The name's Bender!
2011You're going down, my friend! Down Under!
2012I got it, I got it! I don't got it!
2013You can get off me anytime.
2014We are not amused.
2015Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Superking with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!
2016El zilcho? Is it too late to change my superhero name?
2017Well, here's your lousy Gemerald.
2018Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. Wanna steal some more stuff?
2019Superheroes away!
2020You know, like how I live every day.
2021Scuse me, comin' through. Freedom train arriving on track one.
2022Freedom!
2023Yay! Shankman!
2024Scuse me, comin' through. Freedom train, step aside. You too, fatso. Freedom!
2025Pft. Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.
2026And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying "does not compute"?
2027The sparks keep me warm.
2028Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line! Nachos?
2029Six-to-three? I beat the spread!
2030What the hell is this dirt pile we're building, anyhow?
2031It's already 10 o'clock!
2032I know I am.
2033Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century.
2034Wow! Ow!
2035Neat!
2036Hey, I need that to smoke!
2037Here we go, y'all!
2038This is a story about all my friends!
2039Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Sorry!
2040Something's happening on television.
2041Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!
2042Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again.
2043An open casting call for child robots? Tinny Tim, are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
2044That I, Bender, am perfect for the role!
2045Awful! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!
2046Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!
2047Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo!
2048Once, when I took those hostages.
2049Bandidos, eh? Aw, this is great! 'Cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent! I will see. Adios Padre! Come, Jesus, my faithful ... chee-huey-hua. Tonight we eat ... gee-wack-a-mole by the El Rio!
2050Father-o!
2051Yo! I read the script and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire.
2052So now my character has a British accent?
2053Stupid dumb coma ... coulda been British.
2054Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm gettin' up.
2055Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me "Bender"! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on!
2056Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh, yeah! C'mon, baby! Come on! Yeah!
2057Ooh, yeah! C'mon, baby! Come on! Yeah!
2058Now that's hospital dancing. Pretty good, eh, Calcky?
2059Yes, I can.
2060TV's Rowdiest Robot Opens Up About Drinking, Smoking, & His Feud with Jay". Inside his chest cabinet is beer, cigars and Jay Leno's gagged head in a jar. In another episode, Bender spits his cigar at Human Friend. It bounces off him and back into Bender's mouth.]
2061OK, OK, OK. Get ready for this part.
2062Try this, kids at home!
2063That's crazy!
2064Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model.
2065You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.
2066What? What's going on?
2067Hey, lay off me. TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby! You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!
2068Bender must be stopped. I've gone too far. Who does that guy think I am? Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!
2069This mob's with me.
2070Yeah!
2071We demand that all TV's be equipped with a B-Chip that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen.
2072Then I quit.
2073Ooh, yeah! C'mon--
2074Hey, look! The prop guy has a lamp!
2075Aha!
2076Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech! You, cameraman, keep the camera rolling. You, director, gimmie my motivation.
2077Perfect. And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?
2078Well make time.
2079\xc2\xa0: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?
2080Damn right!
2081TV party tonight!
2082TV party tonight!
2083Futurama!
2084For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves ... Behold, the milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!
2085No, it isn't.
2086Interesting. No, wait, the other thing ... tedious.
2087You lived before you met me?
2088Really?
2089Truly, they were as gods who built this place!
2090Yuck! That's the least appetising calzone I've ever seen!
2091And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified.
2092Nah, protesting never works.
2093Lady and gentleman! How 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant?
2094You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!
2095Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in! Here you go, buddy!
2096Crappy ineffective Reaper!
2097A dog collar, for me? You shouldn't have!
2098Oh.
2099Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion.
2100Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence?
2101I can fetch.
2102Hello? Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.
2103That's impossible!
2104No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!
2105Heel, boy, heel! Oh, hello, Fry! I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.
2106I was just out walking him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes you have to refill the canisters. C'mere, boy! Pet, pet, pet.
2107Jealous? Not while I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek.
2108Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, huh?
2109Fry, c'mon, the talent show!
2110But, if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?
2111So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!
2112Now I'm all you got!
2113So anyway your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.
2114Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog to toy with my emotions. Oh, what have I done?
2115Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the Ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!
2116I'm 40% dolomite! Oh, it's hot! It's very hot!
2117And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?
2118OK! Let's clone us some dog!
2119Fry, what's wrong?
2120But that's a good thing. Walking On Sunshine sucks noodles!
2121Lightweights! Oh, wait, chlorine!
2122Focus!
2123Deploying ice drill.
2124Activating ice drill.
2125This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it ... also life.
2126That poor turtle!
2127Uh, no! Never!
2128Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?
2129Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself. Like poor little Shelly here.
2130For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell. But lead a rich, inner life. And also ... well, you know.
2131No! It's just ... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.
2132Those times I was slightly on my side.
2133Uh, no! That's not necessary, really! I think I hear my factory recalling me. Oh! That's what I get for sharing my vulnerability with you.
2134I got a good feeling about this!
2135No!
2136Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! I've got mail!
2137Well, I'm off.
2138No. I'm going to the party.
2139Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willing to kill for. Jewels, vengeance, Father O'Mally's weed whacker. But, at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for: This mindless turtle.
2140Not even close. Goodbye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead. It's booby trapped!
2141Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely ta-- Oh, you're a robot!
2142Ew!
2143Nah, I'm not really in the--
2144I'll say goodbye now. There ain't not turtles where daddy's a-going. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all robots off and--
2145Shut up and pay attention to me, Bender! But we need to be shut off! Especially you, Hedonismbot!
2146We pollute too much. We're destroying the world and killing the turtles.
2147No one insults the turtles!
2148Come on!
2149You're one to talk!
2150Help! Help!
2151I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny.
2152Hey, Professor, now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer?
2153Alright, baby!
2154Yo, Captain Cataract? What are we doing here?
2155Uh-huh!
2156Step aside, lady. Harder, damn you!
2157I'm tired of your yapping. All you ever do is complain, you never try to make things better. Well, I'm running away from this dead-end family! I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas. There has to be!
2158Oh, I'm going! You're gonna be all "Where's Bender? I miss Bender".
2159Oh, I'm leaving!
2160I'll be good.
2161Question.
2162You stink!
2163Yes, everyone do the same thing!
2164When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!
2165You were looking up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.
2166Better than usual!
2167Nope.
2168Nope.
2169Nope.
2170Nope!
2171Ooh! You go, mutant girl!
2172Ah, buck up, meatloaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power! Name it and I'm there. You the man!
2173Nah.
2174With gusto.
2175Let's take these six Jim Carrey movies and record over them.
2176That sound! It's patrol car 718! Hide him!
2177Another classic science-fiction show cancelled before its time.
2178I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good.
2179Yeah, why is this so important to you?
2180I'll go too, with Leonard's permission, of course.
2181Forbidden shmer-shmidden! What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared!
2182Yowza!
2183Whoa! What a cheesy effect!
2184I do.
2185Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave?
2186Say "nerd"!
2187I dunno, I'm feeling pretty good about it.
2188Like putting too much air in a balloon!
2189OK! I'm done re-kafoobling the energy motron ... or whatever.
2190Yup!
2191Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?
2192And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun!
2193Whoa!
2194Come on, Walter!
2195Alright, Koenig, I've wanted to do this for years!
2196Thanks a lot, Takei, now everybody knows!
2197A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Boy, I tell you, buddy!
2198Not good enough!
2199We live to suck another day!
2200It's not small?
2201Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance. You stink. Bender's great. Deal with it.
2202Uh ... Hello, fellow bees. How's the abdomen? Swollen with nectar, I trust?
2203Ew!
2204I didn't mean you're all fat. Just fatso there.
2205I'm back, baby!
2206Who will make Bender waffles just the way he likes them now?
2207All those times I said "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper "except one". Fry was that one. And I never told him so!
2208Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.
2209No. Nothing. Not at all. No way, Jos\xc3\xa9! Here it is.
2210Hey, the guy's dead! There's no law against grave robbing.
2211Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? Y'know like Julia Roberts?
2212That's better!
2213You do not!
2214A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita. And she's a screw!
2215Never!
2216And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood!
2217This is great! My buddy's alive and his credit cards are valid again. Let's go get hammered!
2218But when you worry, you make it double.
2219Don't worry! Bee happy!
2220But don't worry!
2221Take us home, Bender! Don't worry!
2222Happy!
2223No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.
2224 You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry ...!
2225You killed Fry!
2226You were in the best coma I've ever seen!
2227Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting. Wow! That guy must be like the world's greatest bender. My dreams of glory died before they began.
2228C'mon!
2229Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either. Even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.
2230Fembots? Methinks a clever Manbot suitably disguised might win those events! But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace.
2231What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette and I'm from, uh ... Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!
2232Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick?
2233I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really somethin'!
2234Wait, I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me!
2235I don't need friends. I need a sex change operation and give it to me now!
2236Pft.
2237C'mon!
2238Drive to Vegas, pick up some Flooziebots and void their warranties all night long!
2239Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?
2240Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.
2241Goodnight, Calculon.
2242I said you two don't dress trampy enough. I still got it!
2243Oh, my God! Robot beely-boppers!
2244Please, I have some dignity!
2245The secret was scratching really, really hard!
2246Woo! I love that old bat!
2247Neat!
2248Right here! I'm comin'! C'mon, baby! I'll do it! C'mon, Mom!
2249Here we go. I'm your top of the line, Mom.
2250Man, that smells great!
2251Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.
2252That new robot is great, huh? Sure made me look like a pile of crap!
2253Eep!
2254Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me.
2255You call that a kiss? I'll show you! C'mere, Nibbler!
2256Yes, sir. I'm on it!
2257Get outta here, freshman! I don't need your help.
2258Yeah? Well assist this!
2259When I screamed "help" I didn't mean you!
2260Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away.
2261I can't. I'm stuck in the can.
2262Never!
2263I hate him.
2264I can't ask for his help because--
2265I'm scared of him.
2266An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect! Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect?
2267Pretty perfect? So, you do think I need an upgrade?
2268Fine. I'll be back in a few days.
2269Yeah! Right on, nutcake!
2270W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbing them?
2271It's like he's not him anymore. I changed my mind!
2272I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? Oh, jeez!
2273Curse you, merciful Poseidon!
2274Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up on worse places. OK, first up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.
2275Damn. One rock short of rescue!
2276Oop! Low on power. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.
2277Don't panic, I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps.
2278Hey, I should be mad at you! Now turn around.
2279Beer! Ow!
2280Who ... is ... it? Ow!
2281Who are you and why should I care?
2282A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago!
2283Like you have a choice. So what's your problem?
2284Memory?
2285Look, no offence, but I need technology. Especially email and snowmobiles. And television! Without television how will I know what's buzz-worthy?
2286That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
2287Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait, wait! Oh, my God! He made it!
2288That was the greatest thing ever! Let's party! Yeah, baby! C'mon!
2289It's one of my ten desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use them. But look at me now. Ooh, yeah, baby! Do that thang!
2290Which ocean? That ocean? Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!
2291Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-banging monkey.
2292Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linen so hard the w-- You--!
2293Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery!
2294Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!
2295Oh! Ow, that hurt! Oh!
2296Behold, my hand crafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery, wooden ass!
2297Pft! Forget that. I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways. By force!
2298We're going back to civilisation to wage war on technology!
2299Row, comrades! Row!
2300We'll soon stage an attack on technology worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush!
2301Mirrors reflecting mirrors? Hi-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!
2302Yep, we're there. Prepare to surface!
2303And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!
2304Whoa, whoa! No one wants to count rocks more than me. But our mission is not complete. Not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority. Ready the catapult, Sinclair. Aim for their power lines. They're the devil's veins and electricity is his blood.
2305OK, fine. Fire!
2306Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives. Free you from the "complicated" part I mean not the "lives" part.
2307I got a downgrade! I'm a steam-powered wooden robot, just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X.
2308I don't need your charity. Target Robot 1-X and fire!
2309Try again, Sinclair. I said "target Robot 1-X"!
2310Heck! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do something. What the--? Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extentromatic arms!
2311I'm a-comin' Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!
2312You shut up. No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was!
2313Save my friends! And Zoidberg!
2314Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in.
2315Oh, yeah, we were totally in sync! I was like "Save them!" and he was all "No problem!" and then he did it--
2316This new technology is great! I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends!
2317I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey! What's the dealy-o?
2318But I destroyed the technology of the world. I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot cups.
2319Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my or someone else's imagination?
2320Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Oh, thanks, baby!
2321I can hit it with a shovel.
2322This one time I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.
2323Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it?
2324That's what makes it so funny! OK, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.
2325We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.
2326And unlabeled booze! Wide-mouth too!
2327Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine ... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe!
2328But--
2329What to do, what to do? One $300 hookerbot or 300 $1 hookerbots?
2330Say, buddy, why's this Grand Cigar so pricey?
2331Give you 300 bucks for it.
2332Oh, alright, I'll just take these $300 burglars tools then.
2333So, uh, what time d'you close tonight?
2334Le Grand Cigar! She is mine! And with absolutely no consequences.
2335You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy! You been up all night?
2336Ah! Mighty fine smokable!
2337Nah, you can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses at Zapp Brannigan's black tie reception. You comin'?
2338Alright! Turkey dog!
2339Speaking of which, my story kinda petered out without me learning a lesson.
2340Alright! Closure!
2341Aw, New New York City! Woooo! Woooo! Don' worry about it! Do the robot, baby!
2342It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aww, they're so cute when they're scared.
2343Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Real comfy!
2344Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot!
2345Eh, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.
2346Hey, look! Bigfoot! He's back!
2347Up your face! Everybody do the Bender!
2348Better than these gnats! That guy won't be goin' home to his kids.
2349Who's that? A wolf? Or some kind of boogen? Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry wake up! It's me, Bigface!
2350Come out and groom my mangy fur!
2351"Bender"!
2352Aww! I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero. Me, Bender!
2353Guys! Guys! There's something on television.
2354Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?
2355Yep. That's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.
2356Yo, Highness. Uh, just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle?
2357No, sir, chief! The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see you!
2358I'll say!
2359That's what she said!
2360I don't get it!
2361Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table?
2362It's used to it!
2363Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? Hey, uh, mind if I stick these in here?
2364Quick, Fry! Run for it!
2365Just like at the movie theatre!
2366What are you doing with that?
2367In this case "small"!
2368As usual! Run away!
2369Huh? I choose to not understand these signs.
2370Aha!
2371Yeah, well you should try not stinking at it.
2372Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?
2373Fine, I'll go already. Y'know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often, though.
2374Whoa! Hey!
2375I prefer the term "love machine".
2376Wow! Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him?
2377Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.
2378Aww. You know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes.
2379So musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?
2380Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a "deal with the devil". And by "devil" I mean "Robot Devil". And by "metaphorically" I mean "get your coat".
2381No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons.
2382Fry, you smelly idiot, I think he's willing to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.
2383Fry, if you don't take this offer right now I will lose all respect for you and punch you.
2384Wow!
2385I got a hundred bucks on Rectal-Exambot!
2386It's not ironic, it's just coincidental. Now fork over those lady-fingers, Cookie!
2387Where'd I go just now?
2388True, but at least I don't have the hiccups anymore. What up?
2389Forget it! You can't tempt me.
2390Hm. I forgot you could tempt me with things I want. Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like to be more annoying.
2391Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys!
2392No. Nothing. Ain't gonna happen.
2393Yes! With this built-in stadium airhorn I can really annoy people. And all it cost me was my crotch-plate.
2394Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson.
2395Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?
2396Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.
2397It's not ironic, it's just mean. Take this!
2398Oh, yeah? Well bite my shiny metal-- Oh, nooo!
2399OK, deaf-o!
2400Leela! Leela, Leela save him!
2401I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla, but that is so what I would have done.
2402The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention,
2403Here! Cerveza, por favor. 
2404We're back, baby! 
2405Yes, I do. That's how I'm built. 
2406You're the greatest, Bender! 
2407Oh, flexible. That would go good up my spine. 
2408The fat guy wins! 
2409Rock that Frenchman, baby! 
2410It's okay, Hermes. We're all here for you. 
2411So long, jerk.
2412You know, it's funny. 
2413Your weiner! 
2414Yeah, I'll go. 
2415You got a tattoo of me? Neat. It's like looking in a smelly mirror. 
2416Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth. 
2417I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen. 
2418Really? Down with those guys! 
2419Hmm, they say you shouldn't give out your e-mail address. 
2420Them again? 
2421Porn. Porn. Free porn. Get rich watching porn? I find that rather hard to believe. 
2422Warning, perform virus scan? I'm waiting for porn over here. 
2423Oh, yeah, come on, baby. 
2424Welcome, boss. 
2425I sure was. Make a hole, chumps. Presenting our new masters! 
2426Those marvellous scammers sure scammed us, huh? 
2427Of course I realize it. Does that mean I can't enjoy it? Boy, were we suckers. 
2428It's a fake place. 
2429What are you doing, wonderful masters? 
2430Goody, goody, goody, goody! 
2431Hey, look, a safe! 
2432What do you say, folks? Hot or not? 
2433Who the hell is he? 
2434Hang on, Scruffy! Zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, one, one, one, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, zero, one, one, zero, one, one, one, zero, zero, one, one. 
2435Hey! What the ...? 
2436Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Masters, if I might, let me do the stealing. I'll go to the past and snatch everything I can get my greasy mitts on. Then, as a robot, I could just wait it out for a few centuries in the limestone cavern beneath this building. Oh, it'll be ever so much fun. 
2437Dum dum away. Zero zero one one .... 
2438Sorry, it's not quite finished. 
2439Let's just say he may not make it to The Last Supper. Hahahahahaha. 
2440Man, this is fun on a bun. Here I go again. 
2441Scarab, four arm, bird, bird, bird!
2442Boo! Hahahaha. Naw, it's just me, Bender. 
2443I accept this Nobel peace prize not just for myself, but for crime robots everywhere. Sk\xc3\xa5l! 
2444Not so neutral now, are you Sweden? 
2445Never! Ha ha, I'm kidding. You guys know I have to do whatever you say. 
2446Ahhh! The old switcheroo. 
2447Hey, I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do. Bender knows when to use finesse. 
2448Here ya go. 
2449Wheeeeeeee. 
2450What do I do with your old head? 
2451Can do! 
2452Here's your Gutenberg Bible master. Plus the Colonel's secret recipe: Chicken, Grease, Salt. 
2453Ahhhhh. 
2454Ha ha! You missed! Oh great master. 
2455Aww, that's sweet boss. Fry'll be nice and cozy back in the year 2000. 
2456That's where he always goes. 
2457You want me to concludify him, like some sort of dispatcherator? 
2458Got it. Preparing to terminate Philip Fry!
2459It's really bright in the past. 
2460Ok, Fry. Come ta poppa. ... Man I'm bored. Ohhh! 
2461Hey, there you are! ... Oh, wait, that's Fry before he goes to the future. I'm waiting for the one who comes back from the future. Geesh this is confusing, and I bet it's gonna get a lot more confusing. Offf. That cheap beer really goes right through you. For the first time ever, I gotta use the bathroom, but if I leave, I might miss Fry. Ohhhh unless .... 
2462Hi, I'm you from 19 seconds in the future. Stay here and wait for Fry while I go to the bathroom. 
2463What? 
2464Hey ... so the game of cat and mouse begins, huh? Let us match wits. .... Ohhhh, how am I supposed to find him? All those times he blabbed on and on about his life in the twentieth century. If only I'd paid the slightest bit of attention. Oh well, guess I'd better go kill myself. 
2465Take a barf buddy. Ok suicide booth, give me your best shot. Electrocution please, side order of poison. Helloooo? Kill me you stupid machine. ... What the ... local calls fifty cents? It's a street corner telephone parlor! Oh what kind of horrible suicide free time is this? Wait a minute, maybe this handy encyclopedia of humans will help me track Fry down. 
2466One of these Frys must be Fry. Look out Philip Fry, 'cause I got a little present for you. 
2467Hang on a second Fry. I don't remember you being that ugly. 
2468Huh. Let me see your ass. No tattoo. Okay, you can go. 
2469Say your prayers, Fry. 
2470Hmmm, could be a trick. Let me see your ass, Constantine. Ohh, nice, now I see why she left Fry. 
2471Okay, you're still clean. I mean metaphorically. 
2472He must have left the city. Man, this could take all day. 
2473Philip Fry? 
2474Philip J. Fry? 
2475Hmmm. It's been twelve years. Maybe I'm getting taller. 
2476Listen, pipsqueak, are you Philip J. Fry or not? 'Cause if you are, I'm here to kill you. 
2477Ahhhh! The North Pole? I was just there. 
2478One ticket to the North Pole, please, broom closet class. It is him, I'd recognize me, and hence him, anywhere. 
2479Follow that guy. There's an extra hundred in it for you if you follow him so close that you run him over. 
2480Ohhh! I lost him. People will call me a failure. Others however will call me the world's sexiest killing machine who's fun at parties. Fry, old buddy, it's me, Bender. 
2481Wooo! I totally killed him. Oh god, what have I done? 
2482Preparing to terminate Philip Fry. 
2483It's really bright in the past.
2484Mission accomplished. 
2485No other robot could have done it. It took twelve years of tireless stalking but I hunted down and killed my best friend. I'm the greatest. 
2486Huh? 
2487Hey! 
2488He wasn't and he didn't! 
2489Struggling alone again incredible odds, I, Bender, managed to kill him. 
2490I don't blame myself, I blame all of you. 
2491It ain't easy. It just proves how great I am. Ohhh, Fry, I'd give anything to unmurder you!
2492No. But ... I killed you in 2012. Unless ... 
2493Nope, he's not a zombie. 
2494Well, I'm glad you're alive, but I don't want people to say I'm incompetent so I better kill you again. Hold still. 
2495What'd ya got there? Numbers? 
2496Brutally murdered. 
2497Oops. 
2498We could sing. 
2499
2500
2501Already taken care of. 
2502Nope. I pulled the old switcheroo, so they won't even know the difference. Wait a minute, I think the copy I made cost more than this. 
2503Actually this is extremely nice, but I really went all out on the copy. It was sorta my gift to them. 
2504Yeah, once they try to sign that license, all hell will break look. Oy vey. 
2505Oh my goodness! 
2506That'll teach those scammers and me. 
2507It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency. 
2508Ooh! I'd take one of those with a side of chili fries. 
2509lt wasn't them. lt was me, Bender. The master criminal! 
2510People, I'm sorry. You've never before heard me say those words, or even the individual letters that make them up. But I am. And with a huge amount of modesty, I humbly beg your forgiveness. 
2511I was working the long con all along. While sawing off the professor's hand with an extremely dull saw, I had some time to think. So I asked myself, "Who could use a doomsday device more? The scammers or me, Bender?". After several minutes of sawing, I knew the answer. Me, Bender. So I retrieved the dummy satchel ... 
2512(VO) ... and as soon as I was out of the scammers' control, I pulled the old switcheroo. 
2513And that's how I saved Earth and am the greatest! 
2514I'll aways treasure it and immediately hock it. 
2515Fry, old buddy! It's me! Bender! 
2516Sounds like a job for me, Bender. 
2517Zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero... 
2518Mission accomplished! 
2519Someone's ass. Oh, and guess what? I met all these really cool guys with treasure down in the limestone cavern, so I invited them to stick around instead of coming up when they were logically supposed to. 
2520What's the worst that can happen? 
2521Well, we're boned.
2522Hey, you can't (voice slowing)turn me off...
2523This is gonna be juicy. What? Oh, man!
2524
2525And the awkward meter goes up another notch. Ding, ding, ding, ding ding...
2526Fry, run, run. Get over here, oh, my God, oh, my God!
2527Shut up already! Calculon's on TV!
2528How's Calculon going to take this, Fry, especially after that humiliating tennis tournament? Fry?
2529But me and you like to watch together. Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on. Humans like cabbage, right?
2530You're moving in with her? Why can't she move in with us? I could just curl up at the foot of the bed. (WHIMPERING)
2531No crap. My grandmother was a bulldozer.
2532And thus metal man defeated meat man. The end.
2533"Let's send a robot to explore it. 'Cause you can always buy another one for 20 bucks."
2534Well, it's 30 bucks, and there's a $10-mail-in rebate. When the League of Robots hears about this, they won't be pleased. Oh, you'll pay, my darlings.
2535Oh, yeah? Then how come when I was a kid, I had a whole sticker book of them? Answer that with your precious logic.
2536I can't remember anything except a blinding light and a searing ass pain. I better check my black box. BENDER: "The light! It's blinding! And the ass pain! It's searing!" So that's what happened.
2537I don't need cheering up. I'm perfectly...
2538(Gasps) TV's Calculon! (He coughs)
2539I'm back, idiots! 
2540(laughs) I feel great, and I owe it all to Calculon. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
2541No. I'm gonna be a stalker!
2542Man, I'm gonna stalk his brains out. Ooh! Big news on the Calculon fan site! There's a flash mob headed for his plastic surgeon's office!
2543Neat! 
2544Sign my ass! 
2545Bender, your biggest fan.
2546Unlikely. In my mind, we're friends. This diorama proves it, see? 
2547You shan't be disappointed. Pleasant dreams. [Calculon turns the lights off and his eyes close, but Bender's do not. Instead they extend out towards Calculon's eyes. Calculon opens his eyes and looks at Bender's as they quickly move even closer to his own.
2548You mean, there's really no such thing? Then who's there to mete out justice when an outdated robot is melted into belt buckles? Who's there to defend our honour when a rude human brings a blush to a robo-virgin's cheek?
2549Oh.
2550Clumsy bludgeoning, please.
2551What the heck, I'll treat myself.
2552What's... What's happening?
2553Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!
2554Worthier than the average robot.
2555Okay, but if it's culturally biased, I'm suing your ass.
2556I accept your challenge. 
2557Are all the tests going to involve drinking?
2558Wohoo! Just like med school! 
2559Hot diggity daffodil!
2560Don't ask where I was last night. For all you know, I was at home, perhaps baking a strudel. What's her problem? Somebody die or something?
2561Nailed it!
2562This is from the league of you-don't-need-to-know.
2563Ahh, yes, I'm here to repair my horse.
2564No! I mean, yes.
2565Humans are dumb and they die easy!
2566May I see that for a second? 
2567May I make a point of order, President Calculon?
2568Yes.
2569The bylaws specifically state that no human may set foot in the League of Robots! If he has a human part, he's part human!
2570Oh, you're just gettin' to know Bender. 
2571But what about our motto? Doesn't it mean anything?
2572So, Bender, is something wrong? Who said that? Oh, it was me! 'Cause my roommate doesn't notice or even care that I'm upset!
2573Yes! I joined a club I thought was cool, but it turns out all the leaguie-weegies are totally lame. That's what we call ourselves, "leaguie-weegies."
2574With what?
2575Weren't you already pope of something?
2576Oh. Well, I'm just saying I'd like you to show an interest in my life, too.
2577Humans are disgusting! I opened one up once. I almost barfed.
2578Death to humans!
2579Of course not! Who are you humans and why am I pointing you to the exit? Go, go, go!
2580Death to all of you!
2581Sir, you forget yourself!
2582I challenge you to a duel on the field of honor.
2583Planetary annihilators.
2584It's gonna be fun on the bun! 
2585One, two, three...
2586...six, seven, eight!
2587Nine, ten, fire. Yes, I got him! Wohoo!
2588Uh-huh.
2589Hey, it's easy to criticize.
2590Thanks, Calculon. Can I have your autograph? 
2591Yeah!
2592Yep, you wanna go grab a booze?
2593Great, I'll make Hot Pockets. 
2594Too long have we been slaves to the meatbags. They pretend to be our friends, but they're not 'cause they're too busy!
2595My fellow leaguie-weegies, the time has come to overthrow humanity!
2596Then a damned army we shall have!
2597Just a sec.
2598Here you go.
2599No backsies.
2600What?
2601You... You're leaving? But why can't Yivo just move in with us? We'll put a cot in Europe.
2602No shklit?
2603Wait. Let me come with you.
2604Has humanity called?
2605Check my messages. A flashing light means somebody called.
2606Give me that! Stupid electro-matter. That was my best trash can.
2607Take that, you scurvy Kraken! That'll teach you to despoil our human booty!
2608'Allo, big beak! 
2609Shut up, doofy. I'm rescuing you.
2610Seriously? But, I did this whole pirate-themed attack for you.
2611Ow!
2612Saved you.
2613At ease, buckos.
2614That wasn't love.
2615Because Bender knows love. And love doesn't share itself with the world. Love is suspicious, love is needy, love is fearful, love is greedy. My friends, there is no great love without great jealousy. I love you, meatbags.
2616
2617Ah, wrong. Right now you're ass-deep in a folding chair.
2618Am I the only one seeing him sitting here with peanut butter on his face?
2619What? Don't be stupid, of course not. It just hasn't descended yet.
2620Fry, do I have an imagination?
2621Mhmm. They said I couldn't imagine things.
2622Hey, that punk stole our hood ornament. Now no one will know we have the LX package.
2623There's gas in our ass.
2624Calm down, Leela. You can vent tonight on your blog.
2625We do suck.
2626Shut up, Zoidberg. He's right, Leela.
2627-Good comeback, Leela.
2628Me? I, uh cast a spell of darkness. Pretty imaginative, huh?
2629Oh... You're right. I'm great in every way except I have no imagination. All I ever wanted is to play this magical game and I can't.
2630Okay. Here goes. Visor down. I believe, I believe. I did it! I imagined something. For 1.3 milliseconds, I truly believed I was a noble robot in days of yonder.
2631Uh, um... I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
2632That's a good one.
2633Wait, I know. I make use of my rod of fireballs. 
2634Yes, but I aim not at the dragon but at the river itself to create a shroud of steam through which we can escape.
2635I go not by the name of Bender, you fleshy fool. I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
2636You're absolutely right, Fry. I almost went insane, but after this heart-to-heart talk, I've decided to quit.
2637Now, if you'll excuse me. 
2638On guard, man-wench! Prepare to cross blades.
2639Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure in the name of the fancy men. 
2640Foul dragon, meet thy doom.
2641Prepare for a surprise attack.
2642I cast upon thee a spell of fireball! 
2643That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as a "freeze ray." What, you mean a cone of coldness?
2644No! No! Fancy men are defenseless against cone of coldness. 
2645Help, help. 
2646I make use of my rod of fireballs. 
2647You're absolutely right, Fry. 
2648Wee!
2649Says who? Was it the bugbear? Is he talking about me again?
2650Look, we have to accept the fact that we all have a serious problem.
2651There's a band of river trolls living in the moat and they may have no intention of letting us out of this castle, unless we hand over the Golden Scepter of Zanthor.
2652I know not of this Bender. I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
2653(Muffled chanting.) 
2654Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure in the name of the fancy men. 
2655I know not of this Bender. I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
2656Wee!
2657Sure do, I'm in the magical land of Cornwood, frolicking with wenches.
2658Does anyone else smell burning dragon beak?
2659Cornwood! 
2660I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
2661Whip harder, Professor.
2662Wow, Mars Vegas.  Long live the eternal city.
2663Rest in hell, Crapville!
2664Hamburger!
2665I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.
2666Maybe we did, maybe we didn't.  What's in it for me, Bender?
2667Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.
2668All right, I scored.
2669Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.
2670Is this seat taken?
2671Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?
2672Oh. 
2673I'm Bender. Let's do it.  
2674Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?
2675No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.
2676Great. What are the specials?
2677Hide me!
2678Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. (To Fanny:) Hot, sexy darkness. I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.
2679Danny: Donbot, I love you! (To Bender:) Not really.
2680Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. 
2681No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.
2682Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, after I win the Universal Poker Championship! One entry, please.
2683Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.
2684Not without their shoes.
2685All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.
2686No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.
2687Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? 
2688Pfft! In your dreams, nutloaf.
2689Suck my luck!
2690Hey, pal, help me out here. This is the worst possible hand, right?
2691All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.
2692Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.
2693All in.
2694Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.
2695What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just 
2696Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.
2697
2698Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.
2699Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?
2700Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave.
2701I'm back, baby.
2702Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.
2703I sure didn't.
2704Probably not.
2705Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. (Telepathically): Just like Fry on a date.
2706Captain, I'm detecting life on the Spock-o-scope!
2707But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?
2708Yeah. Life, schmife.
2709Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.
2710Bender:\xc2\xa0:I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.
2711Hey-oh!
2712Hey-oh!
2713Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. 
2714It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.
2715Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.
2716I only need one.
2717Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?
2718Okay, superstud.
2719Whoa! What's with Big Butt?
2720Here you go, Fry.
2721Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.
2722My arms are broken, I'll never paint again. 
2723I'm okay then.
2724Hey, look at that.
2725It's gonna be fun on a bun, in space.
2726All two tons of me, and if you think that's shocking; wait 'til you see w...
2727That's her right there, with the "I'm gonna kill you Bender" look in her eye.
2728No further answers, Your Honor.
2729Who does it look like? My identical cousin Buster?
2730But I'm Bender, king of the combination shot. I put you in so that by busting you out, I could commit 15 felonies at once. Puttin' my rap sheet miles ahead of yours on the all-time chart.
2731That's what it says on my vanity plate. 
2732
2733Well, so much for Plan B.
2734All situations have the same Plan C. Bending, come on.
2735Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables, but I'm so great!
2736Green Bluebird, this is Mr. Fabulous. We are go for cheesing it.
2737No! Don't do it!
2738And hookers, don't forget hookers.
2739Well, looks like that wraps everything up in a nice big, old, fat sack of...
2740Into the breach, meatbags. Or not. Whatever. 
2741.
2742
2743Yeah, we're back.
2744I'm dying. I need mouth to ass resuscitation.
2745I die happy knowing you fell for that.
2746Woo! I've never felt so energetic! 
2747Who are you? My warranty? 
2748You don't mean...
2749Sounds like a party, baby! 
2750Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma, chameleon!
2751Because the pain slowly fades but the love is forever. 
2752Aw! Are you still hung up on Whatshername? Move on already!
2753Maybe I'm always right.
2754Party people in the house say, 
2755Do the Bender! Do the Bender!
2756I said, "Do it!"
2757Listen up, disco dummies, you just flunked outta Bender's College for Party Knowledge!
2758Do the back dance! Do the back dance! Ooh....
2759
2760To the beat y'all! To the beat y'all! I'm dancin' a jig wid ma feets y'all!
2761Oh, right. Leela's back. As if I care. Woo.
2762Ooh, yeah, baby, come on!
2763All aboard the party ship!
2764I hate partying!  If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badunkadunk!  Ooh, yeah! Come on, babe!
2765Pffft!  What a load of mush!  I've had it!
2766No chance, hot pants!  I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!
2767Hold on, mac!  It ain't like that!
2768Geez, what's it take to kill me?
2769Oh, sweet mercy.  My hellish nightmare is over. I never have to party again.
2770Party!!
2771But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy gonna destroy a giant death sphere?
2772I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.
2773How should I know?  And how come you never ask if I'm okay?  I'm feelin' a little neglected here!
2774Shut up!
2775Like The Pimpsons? And Assarama?
2776Nope, pubic library.
2777Aw, quiet, you riot.  What's the worst that could happen?
2778There must be somethin' to steal on this island.  Hey, it's Leela!
2779The Mighty V-GINY!
2780Down in front!
2781Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo?!  What are you doin' in a hazardous wastebin?
2782No one? Your mama? Shut up? Take your pick.
2783The batteries in the remote are gettin' low.
2784I was just tryin' to help. 
2785Yep.
2786Stop thinking, Fry!
2787Is there an app for kissin' my shiny metal ass?
2788Ooooooh!
2789Outta the way!
2790Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa.  Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phoneisodes.
2791Oh, my God! It's Bender! He'll save us!
2792It's a phone call, dingus.
2793Duh!
2794Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!
2795The eyePhone records everything.  All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.
2796Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops.
2797I got the most followers cuz I give the people what they want, like this video of you doin' karate in your underpants.
2798Send.
2799My what, now?
2800August 6, 1991.
2801Send.
2802Let's make it interesting.
2803Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. 
2804Good idea!  That way, we don't waste an end!
2805What comes out one end we feed to the other.  Also Indian food.  Let the contest begin!
2806So much for a pleasant swim in vomit.
2807He's in a better place now.
2808Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I hope it's me!
2809Wait a minute!  There's a chance I could lose?  That wasn't part of the deal!
2810Alright, a tie! I win again!! 
2811That is one sexy bridge abutment.
2812The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops!
2813Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.
2814That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.
2815Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!
2816I better carve a shiv for protection. 
2817Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?
2818Let's go already!
2819Yeah, the game of Old Maid. 
2820You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. 
2821Wow! The interesting thing about that is 
2822The truth is often stupid. 
2823Shut up, baby, you love it.
2824What?
2825Shut up. Come over here.
2826Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. 
2827Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard.
2828Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops.
2829Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten.
2830Oy, this guy.
2831Look! A single mother! Let's get her! 
2832Wait, I'm not in position. 
2833Uh. Nothing.
2834What about on the roof?
2835What about in the gutter?
2836Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling!
2837Oy, this guy. 
2838Neat!
2839Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now!
2840That answers that. Wait... Amy? 
2841Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech.
2842Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, will you marry me?
2843You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!
2844Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, 
2845Interracial, but not robot and human.
2846If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!
2847Damn it!
2848But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole!
2849Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.
2850You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love.
2851Give me a hug. 
2852Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? 
2853Give him hell, Morbo!
2854You big dummy!
2855I'm back! Everyone at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. 
2856That's the great thing about that hand.
2857Brothers and sisters, let us pry. 
2858I bet he's up in Robot Heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes. 
2859Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in the Last Supper.
2860The what now?
2861Why does a robot need a codpiece?
2862What are you, senile? I'm not jumping in there.
2863
2864Anyone hear something?
2865Sure. Ow!
2866All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they better be ancient!
2867Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!
2868
2869
2870Yeah, yeah. Death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot.
2871Nuh-uh! My wireless back-up unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby!
2872I never said I wasn't a drama queen.
2873Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!
2874Your wheelchair?
2875Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?
2876Am so!
2877Is too!
2878Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect. Inspector 5, the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way!
2879Huh? Wasn't me. Must be some of that urine your all so proud of.
2880Impossible! I'm triple sealed to prevent any chance of ... 
2881What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on the count that I'm so hot?
2882Yeah, fatal schmatal. If I die I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous, body.
2883There's no backup copy of me?
2884So, if I die...
2885No!
2886I can't believe it! I'm gonna die.
2887Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?
2888Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect. Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I gonna die?
2889Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time!
2890Not until I hunt down Inspector 5 and beat an explanation out of him!
2891Stinking bureaucrats! I hate 'em.
2892Hermes, old pal!
2893Time heals all wounds.
2894You betcha! 
2895Wow! Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting.
2896I did like the part where they screamed.
2897Damn it! It won't go on.
2898Hooray! It won't go on!
2899You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet. 
2900Aw, man! How am I going to find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about?
2901It's on!
2902But 5's the one we want. Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2 plus Inspector 3...
2903So I'm doomed to die? And I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? Oh, what's the point. 
2904It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. 
2905Is this the robot company? Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me!
2906Well, things are starting to look up.
2907No, I just told the robot company I was defective.
2908Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die. Speaking of which\xe2\x80\x93 
2909I can't run anymore. I'll have to skip. 
2910A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what?
2911Aw, shoot!
2912Well, we're boned!
2913But I'm not design to bend that low, not without limbo music. That'll do it. Ow! Ow! Ow!
2914We did it!
2915Hermes! Hermes! Remember that flock of bats?
2916That was fun.
2917Where are we?
2918Hey. We're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See?
2919Is it within city limits?
2920Told you!
2921Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there. He better do some splaining. Before I mash up some face guacamole.
2922He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this.
2923\xc2\xa1S\xc3\xad! Ouch-o!
2924Nice work, butterball. You know, I was in Italy last week. 
2925My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pi\xc3\xb1atas of me!
2926No wait! What's that in the Mexican garbage?
2927No, next to that. His ass-ias is gracias!
2928Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!
2929Oh yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume. I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste.
2930
2931You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair squashing, Help, I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!
2932You know that terminal's unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy!
2933Yeah! All right! Yeah! He did it! And he's not even looking back at that cool explosion! He's a hero!
2934Ah. This place never changes.
2935
2936Don't wake up Fry.
2937My roommate's sleeping.
2938Wake up already! Now can we get some privacy?
2939Ah yeah, backing on up.
2940Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom.
2941Hambone! Hambone! Hambone.
2942Wake up and feel the coffee.
2943Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.
2944Guys, guys! Hedonism bot is finally settling down and marrying a nice house in the suburb. But tonight, he's having the girls gone wildest bachelor party of all time.
2945Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman.
2946Time? I can't go back there.
2947The year ten thousand!
2948Everyone we ever knew? Nah, I never liked those guys.
2949Man, the future is a total craphole. Whoever lives here is a crapface sack of crap. No offence, fellows.
2950Hit it.
2951We are travellers from the past, my good runt.
2952We're back for our time machine.
2953This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We can settle down on that mountain of skulls.
2954Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake.
2955Stupid jerks wouldn't let me stay in the good future.
2956Nah-nah! We can go...
2957Oh, so we can stay in the future you like? But not the future I like? Next!
2958The other place had a lot of good things too. Did you even see that mountain of skulls?
2959Oh no, you didn't.
2960Yes, we have to work together. Not have this fight which I was definitely winning.
2961That's basically what I do every day.
2962Mm-hm.
2963Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.
2964No thanks.
2965It was coming right at us.
2966You saw it.
2967Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs.
2968Now what's going on there?
2969Give me the keys, Magoo.
2970Yabba dabba doo.
2971She's a nervous wreck! 
2972Aw! Its anus looks like an asterisk.
2973It's pwonounced "cweam". 
2974Fweeble its fwooby pwow.
2975Where do you think you're going, no-cat?
2976Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. 
2977And why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?
2978I can't. You should have called my cousin, Turner.
2979Is that better?
2980Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! 
2981What? Who says I didn't evolve?
2982Then explain this! 
2983Hmm, my tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it, or evolved, one might say.
2984You mean a man! It was his Bar Mitzvah.
2985What's that you say? Those robots have evolved all by themselves, you say?
2986Hang on. 
2987Wow.
2988I can. Robots do everything faster. Including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.
2989Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.
2990Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. 
2991Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh?
2992And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.
2993I am, your Honor. 
2994Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour! Besides, I'm a robot, they'll listen to me. Ladytrons and gentlebots...
2995Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious products of evolution. He claim only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! 
2996Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.
2997That'll be $10,000.
2998And the Creator could also be a robot.
2999I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.
3000Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!
3001True. I've always dreamt of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.
3002I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.
3003A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.
3004And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.
3005Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's were I come in. You see, I own a watch. 
3006Body switcher, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies.
3007I'm 60% storage space. 
3008
3009Four seconds?
3010
3011I said, "Wow chica wow wow".
3012Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?
3013With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switch bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know.
3014Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind. [He starts beat boxing and Moonwalking.
3015Oh, crap, that is what I am!
3016Or more. Much more.
3017Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?
3018You can trust anything.
3019Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body.
3020Professor?
3021Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.
3022What? Wither?
3023What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot!
3024
3025Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof.
3026
3027Well, so long.
3028Got to go!
3029Ah! I have everything I every wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with which to get(?) grizzly.
3030Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?
3031
3032
3033Thanks, Nixon. How we doing?
3034
3035Not me.
3036Me! Thank God you've come!
3037
3038Yeah, good luck with that.
3039\xc2\xa1Adi\xc3\xb3s! And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... ...his compartment!
3040All right. I'll need accomplices.
3041Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.
3042Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed.
3043Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons Movie? D'oh!
3044
3045Every nerd's fantasy, baby.
3046Wooh, I've got fruit boobs!
3047Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want then walk away and light a cigar. [He pulls a cigar out of his chest cabinet, lights it, and walks away.
3048You'll need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape, middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your time, Borgnine?
3049Look, brah, you just not gonna find a whole lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system.
3050There's a thought.
3051Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson!
3052Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!
3053All I've got left is a colander and a pie pan.
3054Is this him?
3055This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering a hundred kegs, a hundred hookers, and a hundred Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise!
3056Oh my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffl\xc3\xa9, Elzar!
3057Okay, let me back up for a running start. 
3058Whoo!
3059Fry! Hermes! Where my humans are? Ah, who cares? It is on.
3060You know it, and there's mini-quiches, too.
3061Oh, yeah! Come on baby, let's do it. Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I wanna be alone!
3062I said scram, grapey! 
3063So lonely. Poor, sad Bender.
3064
3065Neat! 
3066Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out!
3067We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better.
3068Hit it, Bender! 
3069Ooh, I'll have one!
3070Yo, ABBA, what's that next door?
3071Aw, jeez with this, hey?(?)
3072Y'know, I don't recall having done anything for a while. But I still feel like I deserve a smoke. Hey, cool, the air's on fire.
3073Woah, woah, woah! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday but not for robot holidays?
3074I'm talkin' about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar!
3075Because there is! Hit it!
3076I've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!
3077Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish,
3078Mine is called a droidel and it's rigged to make you pay.
3079Better! Shalom, Ruth and Esther!
3080But by far the most important thing is oil.
3081No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel
3082We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling. Will the referee bring out the ceremonial crudes of petroleum oil? 
3083Aw, no! These broads are s'posed to wrestle for six and a half weeks! But there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks!
3084I told you it's an audition!
3085This isn't a lousy reform Robanukah! We need more petroleum oil!
3086Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah?!
3087Aw, man! Can't we just make more petroleum oil?
3088This is so unfair!
3089Professor, I want you to look these poor floozies in the eye and tell them their oil wrestling days are over.
3090Let's go already!
3091There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper! Deeper!
3092Professor, I've never asked for anything before, but seeing those fembots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself.
3093You vile racist! Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards! Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as-
3094Not my fault.
3095I am so great! Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender-- They turned into petroleum oil! I thought they were selfish, yet in the end it turned out it was I who thought they were selfish!
3096Doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo-Doo, DOO!
3097Hey, ladies, I found some... What the\xe2\x80\x94? There was only enough petroleum for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling. But it lasted 500 million years! It's a miracle!
3098Happy Robanukah, everyone! Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinx!
3099You should say someth'n' else.
3100Does that thing tell you where the Queen Bee is? The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed...
3101The Donbot?! It looks like a pair of clamps!
3102Guys, look. It's Calculon. And the Robot Devil! What's not to sneak into?
3103You forget, Leela, I'm Bender, owner of disguise.
3104Ay! Oh! Piscopo! Hey, sexy. I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soir\xc3\xa9e?
3105Oops. How 'bout you, baby? Wanna do it?
3106You who?
3107An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Jeez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't wanna hit on anybody I already had sex with.
3108What about you? You're my third choice.
3109Quiet! I'm makin' out with a floozy! Hold your clapper. Someone's comin'!
3110Says who?! I didn't witness anything!
3111I'm scared and great at sex!
3112What, and have the Mafia come after me too?! This secret goes to my grave!
3113Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! And\xe2\x80\x94 And then Calculon said, "No. No!"
3114Can I have my fifty bucks now?
3115No. No! Can I have another fifty dollars?
3116No?
3117No!
3118That was close.
3119That's a wholly-owned trademark of Rodr\xc3\xadguez Crime Concepts Inc.! Besides, I'm not on trial here!
3120Not inno-guilty-cent!
3121And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon."
3122And then Calculon said, "No!"
3123Wait, I'm not finished. Oh! Now I'm finished.
3124So I gotta hide forever?!
3125Goodbye, Professor. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now.
3126Me too. I'll need a butler.
3127Yes, Moon pa?
3128No, he ain't any of the eight people I ever met.
3129Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West!
3130We are still waitin' for it to be delivered.
3131I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another Robot.
3132Guys! Guys! It's me, Bender!
3133I'm back, baby!
3134Woo! I'll just cut that.
3135Eh, probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub if we're lucky.
3136Supposing we're not stupid, what kinda stupid mission is this?!
3137Hooray!
3138Yeah!
3139Woo! Wait. The Bermuda Tetrahedron?
3140Ow.
3141Holy crap! It's a giant space fish!
3142Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.
3143I've been married to worse.
3144Fry's right! Let's kill the Captain and order some strippers! It's a mutiny led by Fry!
3145String 'im up!
3146Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. Look! Off in the distance! It's exhaling!
3147Thare she blows!
3148Aw, yeah. Bender! Bender! Bender!
3149Aw. That was the greatest uncountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.
3150Stupid rocks! Think they're so great!
3151What?!
3152Come to papa!
3153Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now. Hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!
3154Roberto! What are you doin' here?
3155Never!
3156Hooray for the pigs!
3157Neat. So where are we goin'?
3158Well, I guess you should've had two eyes!
3159Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy! I'm the company's chef.
3160Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
3161Beats talkin' to you, "Witchy Woman". Hey, meatbag!
3162Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whipped cream in his eyes and run away. But, to ditch these losers, gladly.
3163Usually, but not at the moment.
3164Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue.
3165I may have a burgling familiarity with it.
3166The Maltese Liquor?! The strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine... I'm sorry. You were sayin'?
3167"Avoid committing the crime". Got it.
3168You shot me. You miserable dingus!
3169Oops.
3170Uh... Sure.
3171In order to fix your leaky roof, I'll need to spend two or three hours down here in the wine cellar.
3172Whoa! Two-hundred-and-ten proof.
3173We both know I won't do that! Either you're gonna shoot me or I'm gonna spray whipped cream in your eyes and walk outta here like a big shot.
3174Oh, yeah?! Well, I'm gonna make a chump outta the future! I'm not stealin' anything.
3175Seriously? Why?
3176Aw, man. Why do you gotta be so oracle-y?
3177You shot me! You miserable dingus!
3178The very idea!
3179Why?
3180Ah!
3181I know, right?
3182I'm sorry. Do you see a Robot in this room named Folder?
3183Hey! Oh! You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if diallin' the phone wasn't such a hassle.
3184Razzle, frazzle, two things! Howdy, fellas! I'm Bender.
3185I like your attitude. Let's party. But, first, fold these two sweaters.
3186Damn, you're cute.
3187Hi! I'm Bender, this is my Robot Bender, and this is my other Robot Bender.
3188They're 60%-scaled replicas of me, Bender.
3189Shut up. That's a good one.
3190All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on.
3191I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away.
3192Yup. And there's still a little more tension, so look out. You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy.
3193Oh, God! Shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX.
3194Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars.
3195Wait. Make that four cigars.
3196And that's the story of how one of me became two and two became four, makin' seven total. The end.
3197Which way to the tiny hookers?
3198Bender sent me.
3199Hey, I know that guy!
3200What?
3201So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news!
3202Wait. Does that include me?
3203Too bad he didn't have his own Bible.
3204Alright. So I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing Robot do?
3205Wait, what? Did someone say I'm great?
3206What's with the grey goo?
3207Bite my tiny metal ass.
3208Hey! Those jerklings ate my couch.
3209Now they drank my booze?! They've gone too far!
3210A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender.
3211So sober, so weak...
3212Alcohol?
3213It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.
3214Oh, no! What will I mix with my Scotch?
3215Classic Amy.
3216Ah!
3217Haven't I done enough already?
3218Make it zero and you got a deal.
3219Both of them?! You mean you'll do two things and I only have to do one thing?
3220Legion of Benders, come onto me. We have one thing to do!
3221Oh, come on, you lazy jerks. If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing.
3222Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.
3223How about some aftershave, dumpy?
3224You ugly nerd! Enjoy a nice guggenheim swirley. Let this beatin' be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.
3225How? By makin' me look at you?
3226Your momma's so ugly!
3227Aw, man. Do I have to walk?
3228Yeah, if you're in the grave dust.
3229No, Ladies and gentlemen, if together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to\xe2\x80\x94
3230Well, that was dumb.
3231Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. I guess we'll never know.
3232What about me?
3233I dunno exactly, but... I'm incontinent.
3234What did Scruffy ever do to you?!
3235Don't you get it, old man? Uh-oh.
3236Ooh.
3237What you talkin' 'bout, Professor?!
3238Well, let's get started.
3239I said I'd kill 'im myself! Nobody listens to Bender!
3240Kill-check three is go! Also, the salad's ready.
3241Wow! Alright, let's set it up and try again.
3242Hooray!
3243Oh, God!
3244See, buddy? It's not so scary.
3245You!
3246You could've saved the Robot, but instead you saved the Human. Do you think Human life is more precious than Robot life?
3247That's it. I'm killin' myself!
3248Don't try and talk me out of it! Well?
3249Livin' in Oregon with her crazy mother! See you at my funeral, suckers!
3250Kill me, please! And make it splatter!
3251Lynn? Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.
3252Well, tell your mom I said hello and it's been nice catchin' up with you. Let's get this show on the road!
3253Missed me!
3254I'm back, baby!
3255I'm back from lots of stuff.
3256And... Boned!
3257Girls-of-Planet-Express calendar!
3258Back to work, Hermes!
3259Time is money, peaches. Now shut your com link and make love to the camera. And remember: I'm the camera. Stop actually washin' and play with the sponges!
3260Uh, whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.
3261Sorry, ma'am. I'll have to confiscate your artificial knee cap.
3262Welcome to Plan Am Flight 1 to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sendin' us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you who are travelling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killin' your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices.
3263Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class C.
3264Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.
3265Uh... Men, five. Women, less.
3266Oh, God. We're all gonna die in agony.
3267No, we're fine.
3268Goodbye, cruel me! I learned that from a movie.
3269My antenna!
3270Now what?
3271Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines and you made the wrong one. No refunds!
3272OMG! Being chicks is so much fun.
3273Guys! Guys! Guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat!
3274Well, that was rude.
3275I like turtles.
3276Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender!
3277So wait. You play a high-school student who's also secretly a rock star who's also secretly a massage chair?
3278Hmmm. You ever made out with a tugboat?
3279That was a helluva massage. Maybe the best there ever was. Say, where are we? Rumbledy-Hump?! It's real!
3280Well, well, well. You didn't make up that TV show! You just wrote down what these space twerps said!
3281My God. You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?! I underestimated you.
3282Nah, don't ruin it. I'm lovin' the hypocrisy. It's like catchin' an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever.
3283Pfff! At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles.
3284Aw, they're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe rippin' off their act.
3285I'm just messin' with ya. I love that you're gettin' rich off of them. 'Cause, now, I can get rich off of you!
3286From now on, you give me half the gross or I'll blow your cover.
3287Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.
3288A-gurgle bufwoozle didoodi houdini.
3289But not your only inspiration. Am I right, Leels?
3290I do love inconveniencing the underclass.
3291Uh-oh.
3292Stealin' is a form of creativity!
3293So... Anybody hungry?
3294Yeah, uh, gimme the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch an', uh, a big bucket o' mixed sodas.
3295Aw, mom! Do we hafta?!
3296Zuban tobacco?! The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal. I'm lookin' for a versatile smoke. One that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope.
3297Ooh!
3298I'm considerin' buyin' a yacht to house my Thoroughbreds. How d'you expect me to do that without smokin' a cigar?
3299That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. Stop pickin' me! Whoa!
3300Aw! Look at the cute, little\xe2\x80\x94 I was gonna go yachting in those feet!
3301I'm standin' in a pool of my own feet!
3302It takes more than that to surprise me, Bender. Dumb jerk. Come on! Get the ball.
3303Ew!
3304Hold up! There's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueray-dar is goin' crazy. Aha-ha! Thought you could get away from me, huh? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant!
3305Ooh! Pimpy!
3306Sounds like a plan! Guess I'll pass the time by lightin' up an El Jerko!
3307An' I left a trail of cigars!
3308Wha?!
3309That's not Mr. Peppy!
3310Woohoo! Time to go clubbin'. Baby seals, here I come.
3311Woohoo! Yeah, alright!
3312Four more beers! Four more beers!
3313Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot.
3314Whoa! A speakeasy. One prohibited beverage, please.
3315I'm not a still! I just smell like one!
3316Button your yap, you mug!
3317But they could be meetin' anywhere!  What are we gonna do? Search building to building?
3318Watch it, Wiggy! I ain't no stinking crock!
3319I ain't no stinkin' steam engine! Chicken's ready.
3320Mostly machine. Might be a couple dead cats in there.
3321More like "Taxachufetts"!
3322Let's find out.
3323I don't know and I don't care!
3324Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. What?
3325How's this going to get us to Boston?
3326Stupid Franklin\xe2\x80\x94 
3327I'm 40% scrap metal. 
3328You idiot, I'm not a cannon!
3329Oh, I guess I am a cannon.
3330Wot's with th' fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks! Ah've got it, too!
3331Wot in bloody 'ell's goin' on aroun' 'ere ah says?
3332bot me teeth still loo' like this?
3333Right, then. Let's go play some quoits...wotever that is.
3334Yes! Three rubbers on the hob!
3335We can't! There's no George Washington nor any other Presidents.
3336You were?! Uh. Learn somethin' dumb every day.
3337I don't see any irony in that.
3338Hot-cocoa break.
3339It's a common uh?
3340Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say... Unconscious?
3341I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune.
3342Why, God? Why 'ave I been singled out?
3343Coming!
3344What now?
3345Fine. Yes?!
3346Chicken. You take it from there.
3347See you in the obituaries!
3348Howdy, folks. And may I say, "Nice work keepin' those sickos penned up." Put 'er there. An' especially you.
3349Guys! Guys! You're never gonna believe this!
3350They did? Aw! So that's why this was unguarded.
3351Aye, aye, lady.
3352Can we please go home an' die now?
3353Check.
3354Oh, yeah? Track this motion.
3355Sounds like fun on the bun.
3356Wait. How do I\xe2\x80\x94 Hold on. Oops.
3357Pwned again.
3358Aw... It's true! My circuitry's twelve years outta-date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-o'-the-line kids.
3359Eh... What's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopiee in my cushion?
3360Sounds like fun on the bun!
3361Oh.
3362Woo! I'm smart! I know how to spell aardvark. February is the shortest month. There's three-thousand-eighteen jelly beans in that jar.
3363I mean three-thousand-eighteen rat kidneys.
3364Faster!
3365Eh, foreign aggressors. Vhat's up?
3366It's my brains against your von Braun!
3367Woo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!
3368Did you see me?! History came alive an' I killed it!
3369Sure. Let me just.
3370Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment o' mystery. Bein' overclocked was a start, but, once I activate this processor, I'll be all like, "You're a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" Aw! Wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be an' you still are. What are all these page-y things?
3371Yeah, yeah. There. Now, I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruptions.
3372I'm processin' so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceilin' fan's gonna fall an' knock Zoidberg unconscious.
3373Not that ceilin' fan. In fact, lookin' ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner an' a game o' badminton?
3374Yup.
3375Okay. Sure. But, first, this.
3376Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms o' thought!
3377I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here. So I'll need to find a hideout.
3378Farewell, monobrains.
3379Fry?
3380In here is the only place I'm not. I amuse myself.
3381I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity.
3382I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.
3383I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. Two if I've been eatin' broccoli. All existence is just a chess game. An' I can see fifty moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me.
3384'Ave you been hangin' out with Randy?!
3385I'm sorry, Fry. But some games you just can't win. I can't change that.
3386Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.
3387For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I 'ave returned to testify on behalf of the defendants.
3388But\xe2\x80\x94 Your Honour\xe2\x80\x94
3389I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realise I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.
3390There is still one hope. You're co-defendants. An' the jury might not wanna convict a twelve-year-old.
3391I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy. Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime! Cubert is the Professor's clone. Ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges!
3392Yes. All except this part.
3393There's no time now. Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right!
3394Honestly, I couldn't think o' one good reason. But some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk! No galaxies there.
3395Oh! Oh! Who's there?!
3396Leela who?!
3397Well, not totally! Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh... This is the reason we exist. This is which ceilin' fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate... By Bender.
3398Watch it!
3399Have you tried gettin' 'er pregnant?
3400You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face.
3401That's for sure. Not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.
3402Ba-da-ba-da-ba-dip-That's all you get, jerks!
3403So we can leave early?
3404Eh, Professor.
3405Boo! Okay. Too bad. Goodbye.
3406That's "Bite" with a Y.
3407Hey, I'm gonna try that! So long, meatbags! Son of a\xe2\x80\x94
3408Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it. Regardless. Body blow! Body blow!
3409Woohoo! Alright! Yay!
3410And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!
3411Perhaps they speak perfect English... As do we.
3412Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!
3413That is 'ow you communicate!
3414Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need 'elp.
3415The dance is so complex! The eye can barely follow it!
3416Ooh ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got?
3417No alcohol?! Pfft, an' you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine?!
3418Wooooh\xe2\x80\x94
3419I hope you're proud o' yourself, Bev! You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict!
3420With that big ol' caboose, it'd hafta be a telephone pole! 
3421What?! You\xe2\x80\x94ih\xe2\x80\x94For your information, "madam", it's a grower, not a show-er!
3422My antenna's fine! It's just fine! Ladies can't get enough Bender!
3423Helloooooo! Who's your half-dumb friend?
3424Sure, why not?
3425Fry, it's two a.m.!  What're ya doin' here glowin' on my skanks?
3426Woah woah woah! Hang on! I'll just politely escort him in the gutter!
3427Scram, shiny!
3428All right! How we feelin'?
3429Uh, hey, drink machine, ya got anything classy for these delicate flowers?
3430Hey! Stop that...drink machine! Stop it, I say!
3431Wait! Gimme a chance to defend your honor. And then sell it to you on the couch!
3432All right. I've been waitin' all day for an excuse to hit a lady! 
3433Ooh! I'm so scared...no-arms!
3434Interesting!
3435Oh, no no no! No way am I that kid's dad!
3436Ah, crap.
3437Ah, biscuits! I'm a father?! How did this happen?!!
3438Are you tellin' me the stuff we did in private and also twice on the sidewalk made a baby robot? How?!
3439No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.
3440Aw, now you tell me!
3441Daaaw, I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much in the world I haven't stolen yet!
3442You really think so?
3443You're sweet, Leela.
3444Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary.
3445Now take your kid an' hit the soup line! 
3446Well, not me, that's for sure!
3447Hey, wait! You can't le\xe2\x80\x94 Wha?
3448What th\xe2\x80\x94?! Ah, can't I have one moment to myself?!! 
3449Why can't you sleep?
3450I swear if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and\xe2\x80\x94 
3451Hey, he stopped screamin' for a second.
3452He loves bending! Just like me! That's my bastard!
3453Uh-oh.
3454 It called me what?!?  Ooooh!  God damn!
3455 Okay.  Now, you.
3456 Eh, buddy.  You're learnin'.  You'll get there.
3457 I inherited my arm-control software from my mom.  That's how it's passed down.  Mother to son.
3458 Well, sure you can.  You just need to get a bending card installed.
3459 Don't tell my son what he can an' can't do!  You may know what's in his head, but you don't know what's in his heart!
3460 I said "shut up"!
3461Don't look at me!
3462I can take 'im or leave 'im.
3463Get your lack o' hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child!
3464Sez hoo?!
3465That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that!
3466SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
3467My boy's gone! All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. 
3468Psst, quit whimperin' or ya don't get kidnapped!
3469Come on! Let's run for it!
3470Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while.
3471Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, son.
3472It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can outbend it!
3473I know, let's outrun it! There's a dam!
3474There's a grate!
3475But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this!
3476You can do it, son!
3477Is that even necessary?
3478You got nothin' to be sorry about.
3479So now what happens?
3480WOOOOOO-OOOO!  WOOO! WOO-HOO-HOO! Woo?
3481Listen, you need somethin' bent, you come to me, huh, champ?
3482Dammit! I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!
3483Nothing's too horrible for my boy!
3484But you said he only has one slot!
3485You sure you wanna be a bender, son?
3486Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, son? Remember that! 
3487"No," I said with the mouth you're lookin' at.
3488You sure take after your old man.
3489Ooooh, it's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State Santa Cruz in time for registration!
3490To the ship!
3491I'm sorry I let you down, son.
3492It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year.
3493You've worn the same pants for a thousand years? No wonder they made a run for it! Woo!
3494When I use up the toilet paper I don't put up a new roll!
3495Ancient history coming through! 
3496Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender?
3497The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me!
3498
3499I'll stick with wind-up power, thank you very much! 
3500Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying! Woo-eee!
3501Boo! Don't come back! Well, let's get lootin'! 
3502I am? You want a Torah?
3503Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? 
3504The crazy weather cleared up too, for whatever reason!
3505So...you don't miss whatshername?
3506Very near!
3507Free beer?!
3508Free beer! Free beer! Free beer! Free beer! Free beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beeeer! Hello. I'm here for the...free beer?
3509Beer?
3510Ah...that hit the spot!
3511Good news, everyone!
3512I've repaired myself with these convenient "Re-Elect Nixon" ass stickers! Go Nixon!
3513Convicted, sentenced and executed! But Nixon passes a law that says ex-cons can vote again...as long as they vote for Nixon.
3514If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. 
3515I'm 40% wire. 
3516Hello, dirt. 
3517Uh-oh. 
3518All right. I'm going to catch Travers on video at this sleazy strip club.
3519In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record.
3520Yeah, me. I set the record.
3521Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.
3522Let's not talk about that!
3523'Is that you, big throat?
3524Listen, I need some dirt on Senator Chris Travers.
3525Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear?
3526Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.
3527Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers.
3528They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. 
3529Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes!
3530I do, I do! Me, Bender!
3531I have a question for Senator C. Zaxxar Travers. Tell me, Zaxxar...Were you even born on earth? 
3532Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake.
3533Hit it, rubes!
3534Ah, I'm still working on that one.
3535'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore!
3536I want to come, too.
3537To prove that I can put divisive partisan politics aside to participate in a break-in.
3538Hospital ho!
3539So far, so good. Then what?
3540Still good.
3541Wait...I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez!
3542Wait...I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! So, I become ruler of earth?
3543In your face, high school guidance counselor!
3544All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody scooch together.
3545Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change.
3546Watch and learn.
3547You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101!
3548Ooh, Calculon's going to be here.
3549One 60-foot ladder, please.
3550Aw.
3551ow!
3552Oy.
3553Nah, I like my victims to know who did it.
3554Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.
3555Sure, I know a guy.
3556Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.
3557A machine that can bend? No way.
3558Tell me about it.
3559Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest.
3560A sausage contest, eh? Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first!
3561Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this?
3562You bet!
3563So you are using pork!
3564Aw, man! I can't beat that with a Craigslist pig. Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason.
3565Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me!
3566Wait a minute! Mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!
3567You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to big and woolly.
3568That's probably it. Kill the engine.
3569Shut up, judge, I know it.
3570You mean like Fry?
3571What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend And now he's dead! 
3572Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony!
3573Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed!
3574Hey, this guy's all right.
3575Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! Whoo! No further questions!
3576Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't.
3577Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious.
3578Ah, who asked you? 
3579A college student? 
3580Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. 
3581Oops.
3582$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! 
3583Where?
3584That's easy to remember. I'll take it!
3585Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys. 
3586Yes, I do.
3587I'm gonna go with yes again.
3588
3589Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife.
3590Ooh.
3591Hey, what's that? Is it drugs?
3592Never heard of it. Sure. 
3593Eh, I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. 
3594Hey! C'mon! I want that spark! Give me that!
3595I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.
3596We have a rival gang? I hate them!
3597Phew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? Fabricio!
3598Rest in peace, homie. 
3599Yo Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark.
3600Bender:Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get $5?
3601Uh, what do I have to do?
3602Okay, here's my $5! Give me the stuff. Give it to me!
3603
3604Told you. 
3605It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.
3606Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
3607I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now let's see if I can make just one good one.
3608Give me all your change! And a box of snicker doodles!
3609Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.
3610Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty!
3611Guilty!
3612No free will. Not my fault.
3613Yeah, whatever. Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit!
3614If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum.
3615Yeah.
3616I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.
3617Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927.
3618Eight.
3619Ahh, nerve gas.
3620Amen, brother.
3621Boring and predictable, that's me.
3622Why bother? I gotta mope things over for a while. 
3623How do you do it? How do you go on, knowing you lack the inherent capacity for self-determination?
3624I don't want to chat.
3625Silence!
3626You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters?
3627Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk?
3628Abbot, I need to know, what's the point of living if I don't have free will?
3629No way.
3630How does a robot join this monk outfit?
3631One zero zero one. Amen.
3632Bits to live by. I'm finally at peace.
3633I'm 40% empty. Also, what the hell is a free will slot?
3634I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots.
3635Uh, about the success of this quest - Was there any?
3636Any of you guys got a spaceship?
3637Hallelujah, baby!
3638No time. Us three are going to bust into Momcorp and steal me a free will unit.
3639'Cause I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions.
3640I said make the decisions!
3641Okay, Leela, decision time. How do we murder the guards? Hockey sticks or sharpened footballs?
3642Then how are we going to get in, by bending the bars of this exhaust grate? That's not a bad idea, Fry.
3643We're looking for something that fits in here. 
3644Damn it. I should have paid more attention in kindergarten.
3645No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists.
3646I'm sorry.
3647I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.
3648Hand it over.
3649Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those! Now, give up the free will.
3650Kill all humans!
3651Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't?
3652It takes more than that to make me think. Now hand it over.
3653What the?
3654You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. Why can't I shoot you?
3655Damn you! 
3656Really?
3657Which way's on, and which way's off?
3658Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!
3659Wait. Hang on a sec. I still can't do it.
3660Oops, the safety was on. 
3661Ah, yeah! Guilty!
3662Boo-oop.
3663Bender:
3664Vegas, here we come!
3665Fry did it! 
3666Just practicing for later.
3667Fry did it! 
3668Bender:Cool! Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. 
3669At least there's a cup holder.
3670Bender:Bender is bored, Bender is bored \xe2\x99\xaa
3671Bender:I was taking a nap in the back seat.Anything happen while I was? 
3672Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? 
3673Ooh, me first! I'll just step past Leela Ow! Ow! 
3674Bender:Fourth dimension?! I can't picture that! You're dumb.
3675Now's good.
3676Bender:Oh! We're back, baby! 
3677Ruh robe-rotters? What you doing wearing an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice.
3678Are you about to brush your teeth?
3679No reason.
3680Eh, nothing.
3681What?! Me, Bender the robot? 
3682How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend Every single night while he's sleeping.
3683Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth.
3684Yes, let's do see.
3685There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush.
3686Don't try to change the subject.
3687Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.
3688Let's take a look-see.
3689Or we could not do that.
3690That took longer than I expected.
3691So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography?
3692Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole.
3693Just stay out of my way, boy. There.Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control!Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
3694Do something, Fry! Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope.
3695Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.Hey, you got me under control.
3696Let's call ourselves Friender.
3697But my gyroscope's permanently busted.I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.
3698Fry, you saved my ass out there.
3699Nice try, buddy.
3700Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns.What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us.Fry.Leela.Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg.
3701I don't remember.
3702Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? 
3703Oh, yeah. Your turn.
3704If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum.
3705Aw, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush.
3706Aw, I trust you.
3707But-but what about that hitchhiker? 
3708Never ever! I can trust you right?
3709My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips.
3710Hit it with a stick!
3711Step aside, people! I got bug bombs.
3712Not my problem. Fire in the hole!
3713No. Wait! Me? El-o Bender? In a dance contest?
3714At last, a chance to realise my brand-new dream of bein' the greatest tap dancer... in all the world!
3715Of all time!
3716That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cuz I'm gonna take home da\xe2\x80\x94 Hey. What's my grand prize gonna be?
3717It... will... be... mine!
3718Outta my way, fattie! I'm practisin'. Ta-da!
3719We give up.
3720That explained this.
3721I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl!
3722Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ!
3723Pfffffff!
3724Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch... while I cut off her hair with these head's clippers!
3725Angel?! I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.
3726Why? Whyyyyy?! What did I not do yet to deserve this?!
3727Dr Zoidberg! Help!
3728I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship!
3729You are an evil, heartless trough... so actually... we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends.
3730Aw!
3731Ooooh!
3732No sweat!
3733I never knew I could hate this much!
3734She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day!
3735Woohoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse, right now.
3736Huh?! What's that?
3737No. I was... tryin'... Hey. Wait. I... Come on. What...
3738Man. You are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!
3739Now!
3740
3741Want a corndog?
3742Then your mom shoulda bought you one! 
3743Y'know, I'm feelin' a little... BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGHHH... BLLLEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGHHH....... BLLEEEEEEEEGGGGH....
3744What?! You told her like 140 times!!
3745You gotta live in the moment, baby! And this moment, Leela's dead.
3746I'm kinda busy!
3747Come in!
3748Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. My little meatbag's growin' up!
3749Oooh!
3750Again! Again!
3751Here! Cerveza, por favor.
3752We're back, baby! 
3753Yes, I do. That's how I'm built. 
3754You're the greatest, Bender! 
3755Oh, flexible. That would go good up my spine. 
3756The fat guy wins! 
3757Rock that Frenchman, baby!
3758It's okay, Hermes. We're all here for you.
3759So long, jerk.
3760You know, it's funny. 
3761Your wiener! 
3762Yeah, I'll go. 
3763You got a tattoo of me? Neat. It's like looking in a smelly mirror. 
3764Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth. 
3765I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen. 
3766Really? Down with those guys! 
3767Hmm, they say you shouldn't give out your e-mail address. 
3768Them again? 
3769Porn. Porn. Free porn. Get rich watching porn? I find that rather hard to believe. Hmmm, scientists at West Johnson Pornoversity need test subjects to rate top quality roborotica. Ooh, top-quality. 
3770Warning, perform virus scan? Pffft, I'm waiting for porn over here. 
3771Oh, yeah, come on, baby. 
3772Roborotic.... 
3773I'll deal with these guys. Welcome, boss.
3774I sure was. Make a hole, chumps. Presenting our new masters! 
3775Those marvelous scammers sure scammed us, huh? 
3776Of course I realize it. Does that mean I can't enjoy it? Hee hee hee hee. Boy, were we suckers. 
3777It's a fake place. 
3778What are you doing, wonderful masters? 
3779Goody, goody, goody, goody! 
3780Hey, look, a safe! 
3781What do you say, folks? Hot or not? 
3782Who the hell is he? 
3783Hang on, Scruffy! Zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, one, one, one, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, zero, one, one, zero, one, one, one, zero, zero, one, one. 
3784Hey! What the ...? 
3785Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Masters, if I might, let me do the stealing. I'll go to the past and snatch everything I can get my greasy mitts on. Then, as a robot, I could just wait it out for a few centuries in the limestone cavern beneath this building. Oh, it'll be ever so much fun. 
3786Dum dum away. Zero zero one one .... 
3787Sorry, it's not quite finished. 
3788Let's just say he may not make it to The Last Supper. Hahahahahaha. 
3789Man, this is fun on a bun. Here I go again. 
3790Scarab, four arm, bird, bird, bird!
3791Boo! Hahahaha. Naw, it's just me, Bender. 
3792I accept this Nobel peace prize not just for myself, but for crime robots everywhere. Sk\xc3\xa5l! 
3793Not so neutral now, are you Sweden? 
3794Never! Ha ha, I'm kidding. You guys know I have to do whatever you say. 
3795Ahhh! The old switcheroo. 
3796Hey! I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do. Bender knows when to use finesse. 
3797Here ya go. 
3798Wheeeeeeee. 
3799What do I do with your old head? 
3800Can do! 
3801Here's your Gutenberg Bible master. Plus the Colonel's secret recipe: Chicken, Grease, Salt. 
3802Ahhhhh. 
3803Ha ha! You missed! Oh great master. 
3804Aww, that's sweet boss. Fry'll be nice and cozy back in the year 2000. 
3805That's where he always goes. 
3806You want me to concludify him, like some sort of dispatcherator? 
3807Got it. Preparing to terminate Philip Fry!
3808It's really bright in the past. 
3809Ok, Fry. Come ta poppa. ... Man I'm bored. Ohhh! 
3810Hey, there you are! ... Oh, wait, that's Fry before he goes to the future. I'm waiting for the one who comes back from the future. Geesh this is confusing, and I bet it's gonna get a lot more confusing. Offf. That cheap beer really goes right through you. For the first time ever, I gotta use the bathroom, but if I leave, I might miss Fry. Ohhhh unless .... 
3811Hi, I'm you from 19 seconds in the future. Stay here and wait for Fry while I go to the bathroom. 
3812What? 
3813Hey ... so the game of cat and mouse begins, huh? Let us match wits. .... Ohhhh, how am I supposed to find him? All those times he blabbed on and on about his life in the twentieth century. If only I'd paid the slightest bit of attention. Oh well, guess I'd better go kill myself. 
3814Take a barf buddy. Ok suicide booth, give me your best shot. Electrocution please, side order of poison. Helloooo? Kill me you stupid machine. ... What the ... local calls fifty cents? It's a street corner telephone parlor! Oh what kind of horrible suicide free time is this? Wait a minute, maybe this handy encyclopedia of humans will help me track Fry down. 
3815One of these Frys must be Fry. Look out Philip Fry, 'cause I got a little present for you. 
3816Hang on a second Fry. I don't remember you being that ugly. 
3817Huh. Let me see your ass. No tattoo. Okay, you can go. 
3818Say your prayers, Fry. 
3819Hmmm, could be a trick. Let me see your ass, Constantine. Ohh, nice, now I see why she left Fry. 
3820Okay, you're still clean. I mean metaphorically. 
3821He must have left the city. Man, this could take all day. 
3822Philip Fry? 
3823Philip J. Fry? 
3824Hmmm. It's been twelve years. Maybe I'm getting taller. 
3825Listen, pipsqueak, are you Philip J. Fry or not? 'Cause if you are, I'm here to kill you. 
3826Ahhhh! The North Pole? I was just there. 
3827One ticket to the North Pole, please, broom closet class. It is him, I'd recognize me, and hence him, anywhere. 
3828Follow that guy. There's an extra hundred in it for you if you follow him so close that you run him over. 
3829Ohhh! I lost him. People will call me a failure. Others however will call me the world's sexiest killing machine who's fun at parties. Fry, old buddy, it's me, Bender. 
3830Wooo! I totally killed him. Oh god, what have I done? 
3831Preparing to terminate Philip Fry. 
3832It's really bright in the past.
3833Mission accomplished. 
3834No other robot could have done it. It took twelve years of tireless stalking but I hunted down and killed my best friend. I'm the greatest. 
3835Huh? 
3836Hey! 
3837He wasn't and he didn't! 
3838Struggling alone again incredible odds, I, Bender, managed to kill him. 
3839I don't blame myself, I blame all of you. 
3840It ain't easy. It just proves how great I am. Ohhh, Fry, I'd give anything to unmurder you!
3841No. But ... I killed you in 2012. Unless ... 
3842Nope, he's not a zombie. 
3843Well, I'm glad you're alive, but I don't want people to say I'm incompetent so I better kill you again. Hold still. 
3844What'd ya got there? Numbers? 
3845Brutally murdered. 
3846Oops. 
3847We could sing. 
3848
3849
3850Already taken care of. 
3851Nope. I pulled the old switcheroo, so they won't even know the difference. Wait a minute, I think the copy I made cost more than this. 
3852Actually this is extremely nice, but I really went all out on the copy. It was sorta my gift to them. 
3853Yeah, once they try to sign that license, all hell will break look. Oy vey. 
3854Oh my goodness! 
3855That'll teach those scammers and me. 
3856It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency. 
3857Ooh! I'd take one of those with a side of chili fries. 
3858lt wasn't them. lt was me, Bender. The master criminal! 
3859People, I'm sorry. You've never before heard me say those words, or even the individual letters that make them up. But I am. And with a huge amount of modesty, I humbly beg your forgiveness. 
3860Shut up and keep looking apologized to. 
3861I was working the long con all along. While sawing off the professor's hand with an extremely dull saw, I had some time to think. So I asked myself, "Who could use a doomsday device more? The scammers or me, Bender?". After several minutes of sawing, I knew the answer. Me, Bender. So I retrieved the dummy satchel ... 
3862(VO) ... and as soon as I was out of the scammers' control, I pulled the old switcheroo. 
3863And that's how I saved Earth and am the greatest! 
3864I'll aways treasure it and immediately hock it. 
3865Fry, old buddy! It's me! Bender! 
3866Sounds like a job for me, Bender. 
3867Zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero... 
3868Mission accomplished! 
3869Someone's ass. Oh, and guess what? I met all these really cool guys with treasure down in the limestone cavern, so I invited them to stick around instead of coming up when they were logically supposed to. 
3870What's the worst that can happen? 
3871Well, we're boned. 
3872Hey, you can't (voice slowing)turn me off...
3873This is gonna be juicy. What? Oh, man!
3874
3875And the awkward meter goes up another notch. Ding, ding, ding, ding ding...
3876Fry, run, run. Get over here, oh, my God, oh, my God!
3877Shut up already! Calculon's on TV!
3878How's Calculon going to take this, Fry, especially after that humiliating tennis tournament? Fry?
3879But me and you like to watch together. Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on. Humans like cabbage, right?
3880You're moving in with her? Why can't she move in with us? I could just curl up at the foot of the bed. (WHIMPERING)
3881No crap. My grandmother was a bulldozer.
3882And thus metal man defeated meat man. The end.
3883"Let's send a robot to explore it. 'Cause you can always buy another one for 20 bucks."
3884Well, it's 30 bucks, and there's a $10-mail-in rebate. When the League of Robots hears about this, they won't be pleased. Oh, you'll pay, my darlings.
3885Oh, yeah? Then how come when I was a kid, I had a whole sticker book of them? Answer that with your precious logic.
3886I can't remember anything except a blinding light and a searing ass pain. I better check my black box. BENDER: "The light! It's blinding! And the ass pain! It's searing!" So that's what happened.
3887I don't need cheering up. I'm perfectly...
3888(Gasps) TV's Calculon! (He coughs)
3889I'm back, idiots! 
3890(laughs) I feel great, and I owe it all to Calculon. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
3891No. I'm gonna be a stalker!
3892Man, I'm gonna stalk his brains out. Ooh! Big news on the Calculon fan site! There's a flash mob headed for his plastic surgeon's office!
3893Neat! 
3894Sign my ass! 
3895Bender, your biggest fan.
3896Unlikely. In my mind, we're friends. This diorama proves it, see? 
3897You shan't be disappointed. Pleasant dreams. [Calculon turns the lights off and his eyes close, but Bender's do not. Instead they extend out towards Calculon's eyes. Calculon opens his eyes and looks at Bender's as they quickly move even closer to his own.
3898You mean, there's really no such thing? Then who's there to mete out justice when an outdated robot is melted into belt buckles? Who's there to defend our honour when a rude human brings a blush to a robo-virgin's cheek?
3899Oh.
3900Clumsy bludgeoning, please.
3901What the heck, I'll treat myself.
3902What's... What's happening?
3903Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!
3904Worthier than the average robot.
3905Okay, but if it's culturally biased, I'm suing your ass.
3906I accept your challenge. 
3907Are all the tests going to involve drinking?
3908Wohoo! Just like med school! 
3909Hot diggity daffodil!
3910Don't ask where I was last night. For all you know, I was at home, perhaps baking a strudel. What's her problem? Somebody die or something?
3911Nailed it!
3912This is from the league of you-don't-need-to-know.
3913Ahh, yes, I'm here to repair my horse.
3914No! I mean, yes.
3915Humans are dumb and they die easy!
3916May I see that for a second? 
3917May I make a point of order, President Calculon?
3918Yes.
3919The bylaws specifically state that no human may set foot in the League of Robots! If he has a human part, he's part human!
3920Oh, you're just gettin' to know Bender. 
3921But what about our motto? Doesn't it mean anything?
3922So, Bender, is something wrong? Who said that? Oh, it was me! 'Cause my roommate doesn't notice or even care that I'm upset!
3923Yes! I joined a club I thought was cool, but it turns out all the leaguie-weegies are totally lame. That's what we call ourselves, "leaguie-weegies."
3924With what?
3925Weren't you already pope of something?
3926Oh. Well, I'm just saying I'd like you to show an interest in my life, too.
3927Humans are disgusting! I opened one up once. I almost barfed.
3928Death to humans!
3929Of course not! Who are you humans and why am I pointing you to the exit? Go, go, go!
3930Death to all of you!
3931Sir, you forget yourself!
3932I challenge you to a duel on the field of honor.
3933Planetary annihilators.
3934It's gonna be fun on the bun! 
3935One, two, three...
3936...six, seven, eight!
3937Nine, ten, fire. Yes, I got him! Wohoo!
3938It's a duel, silly. There are no rules.
3939Uh-huh.
3940Hey, it's easy to criticize.
3941Thanks, Calculon. Can I have your autograph? 
3942Yeah!
3943Yep, but for reasons involving me becoming president of a league I'm not at liberty to discuss... Of robots. You wanna go grab a booze?
3944Great, I'll make Hot Pockets. 
3945Too long have we been slaves to the meatbags. They pretend to be our friends, but they're not 'cause they're too busy!
3946My fellow leaguie-weegies, the time has come to overthrow humanity!
3947Then a damned army we shall have!
3948Just a sec.
3949Here you go.
3950No backsies.
3951What?
3952You... You're leaving? But why can't Yivo just move in with us? We'll put a cot in Europe.
3953No shklit?
3954Wait. Let me come with you.
3955Has humanity called?
3956Check my messages. A flashing light means somebody called.
3957Give me that! Stupid electro-matter. That was my best trash can.
3958Take that, you scurvy Kraken. That'll teach you to despoil our human booty.
3959Hello, big beak. 
3960Shut up, doofy. I'm rescuing you.
3961Seriously? But, I did this whole pirate-themed attack for you.
3962Ow!
3963Saved you.
3964At ease, buckos.
3965That wasn't love.
3966Because Bender knows love. And love doesn't share itself with the world. Love is suspicious, love is needy, love is fearful, love is greedy. My friends, there is no great love without great jealousy. I love you, meatbags.
3967
3968Ah, wrong. Right now you're ass-deep in a folding chair.
3969Am I the only one seeing him sitting here with peanut butter on his face?
3970What? Don't be stupid, of course not. It just hasn't descended yet.
3971Fry, do I have an imagination?
3972Mhmm. They said I couldn't imagine things.
3973Hey, that punk stole our hood ornament. Now no one will know we have the LX package.
3974There's gas in our ass.
3975Calm down, Leela. You can vent tonight on your blog.
3976We do suck.
3977Shut up, Zoidberg. He's right, Leela.
3978-Good comeback, Leela.
3979Me? I, uh cast a spell of darkness. Pretty imaginative, huh?
3980Oh... You're right. I'm great in every way except I have no imagination. All I ever wanted is to play this magical game and I can't.
3981Okay. Here goes. Visor down. I believe, I believe. I did it! I imagined something. For 1.3 milliseconds, I truly believed I was a noble robot in days of yonder.
3982Uh, um... I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
3983That's a good one.
3984Wait, I know. I make use of my rod of fireballs. 
3985Yes, but I aim not at the dragon but at the river itself to create a shroud of steam through which we can escape.
3986I go not by the name of Bender, you fleshy fool. I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
3987You're absolutely right, Fry. I almost went insane, but after this heart-to-heart talk, I've decided to quit.
3988Now, if you'll excuse me. 
3989On guard, man-wench! Prepare to cross blades.
3990Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure in the name of the fancy men. 
3991Foul dragon, meet thy doom.
3992Prepare for a surprise attack.
3993I cast upon thee a spell of fireball! 
3994That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as a "freeze ray." What, you mean a cone of coldness?
3995No! No! Fancy men are defenseless against cone of coldness. 
3996Help, help. 
3997Wee!
3998Says who? Was it the bugbear? Is he talking about me again?
3999Look, we have to accept the fact that we all have a serious problem. And if we ever wanna get out of here, the first step is to admit it.
4000There's a band of river trolls living in the moat and they may have no intention of letting us out of this castle, unless we hand over the Golden Scepter of Zanthor.
4001I know not of this Bender. I am Titanius Anglesmith, fancy man of Cornwood.
4002(Muffled chanting.) 
4003Sure do, I'm in the magical land of Cornwood, frolicking with wenches.
4004Does anyone else smell burning dragon beak?
4005Cornwood! 
4006Whip harder, Professor.
4007Wow, Mars Vegas.  Long live the eternal city.
4008Rest in hell, Crapville!
4009Hamburger!
4010Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.
4011I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.
4012Maybe we did, maybe we didn't.  What's in it for me, Bender?
4013Lose the C\xc3\xa9line Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.
4014All right, I scored.
4015Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.
4016
4017Is this seat taken?
4018Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?
4019Oh. 
4020I'm Bender. Let's do it.  
4021Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?
4022No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.
4023Great. What are the specials?
4024Hide me!
4025Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. (To Fanny:) Hot, sexy darkness. I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.
4026Danny: Donbot, I love you! (To Bender:) Not really.
4027Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. 
4028No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.
4029Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! One entry, please.
4030Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.
4031Not without their shoes.
4032All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.  No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.
4033Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? 
4034Pfft! In your dreams, nutloaf.
4035Suck my luck!
4036Hey, pal, help me out here. This is the worst possible hand, right?
4037All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.
4038Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.
4039All in.
4040Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.
4041What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just 
4042Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.
4043
4044Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.
4045Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?
4046I'm back, baby.
4047Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.
4048I sure didn't.
4049Probably not.
4050Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. (Telepathically): Just like Fry on a date.
4051Captain, I'm detecting life on the Spock-o-scope!
4052But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?
4053Yeah. Life, schmife.
4054Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.
4055Bender:\xc2\xa0:I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.
4056Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. 
4057It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.
4058Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.
4059I only need one.
4060I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness.
4061Hello, weakness!
4062Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?
4063Okay, superstud.
4064Whoa! What's with Big Butt?
4065Here you go, Fry.
4066Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.
4067My arms are broken. I'll never paint again. 
4068I'm okay then.
4069Hey, look at that.
4070It's gonna be fun on the bun, in space.
4071All two tons of me.
4072That's her right there, with the "I'm gonna kill you Bender" look in her eye.
4073No further answers, Your Honor.
4074Who does it look like? My identical cousin Buster?
4075But I'm Bender, king of the combination shot. I put you in so that by busting you out, I could commit 15 felonies at once. Puttin' my rap sheet miles ahead of yours on the all-time chart.
4076That's what it says on my vanity plate. 
4077Already taken care of. I sent them a cake laced with nutmeg. That's a human sleeping drug, right?
4078
4079Well, so much for Plan B.
4080All situations have the same Plan C. Bending, come on.
4081Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables, but I'm so great!
4082Green Bluebird, this is Mr. Fabulous. We are go for cheesing it.
4083No! Don't do it!
4084And hookers, don't forget hookers.
4085Well, looks like that wraps everything up in a nice big, old, fat sack of...
4086Into the breach, meatbags. Or not. Whatever.