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1Table of Contents 
2
3
4
5• What Is a Lie? 
6
7• The Mirror of Honesty 
8
9• Two Types of Lies 
10
11• White Lies 
12
13• Trust 
14
15• Faint Praise 
16
17• Secrets 
18
19• Lies in Extremis 
20
21• Mental Accounting 
22
23• Integrity 
24
25• Big Lies 
26
27• Conclusion 
28
29• Acknowledgments 
30
31• Other Books bv Sam Harris 
32
33Lying 
34
35
36
37Sam Harris 
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40
41Among the many paradoxes of human life, this is perhaps the most peculiar and 
42consequential: We often behave in ways that are guaranteed to make us unhappy. Many of 
43us spend our lives marching with open eyes toward remorse, regret, guilt, and 
44disappointment.And nowhere do our injuries seem more casually self-inflicted, or the 
45suffering we create more disproportionate to the needs of the moment, than in the lies we 
46tell to other human beings. Lying is the royal road to chaos. 
47
48
49
50As an undergraduate at Stanford I took a seminar that profoundly changed my life. It 
51was called "The Ethical Analyst," and it was conducted in the form of a Socratic dialogue by 
52an extraordinarily gifted professor, Ronald A. Howard.^^ Our discussion focused on a single 
53question of practical ethics: 
54
55Is ft wrong to lie? 
56
57At first glance, this may seem a scant foundation for an entire college course. After all, 
58most people already believe that lying is generally wrong — and they also know that some 
59situations seem to warrant it. 
60
61
62
63What was so fascinating about this seminar, however, was how difficult it was to find 
64examples of virtuous lies that could withstand Professor Howard's scrutiny. Even with 
65Nazis at the door and Anne Frank in the attic, Howard always seemed to find truths worth 
66telling and paths to even greater catastrophe that could be opened by lying. 
67
68I do not remember what I thought about lying before I took "The Ethical Analyst," but the 
69course accomplished as close to a firmware upgrade of my brain as I have ever 
70experienced. I came away convinced that lying, even about the smallest matters, 
71needlessly damages personal relationships and public trust. 
72
73It would be hard to exaggerate what a relief it was to realize this. It's not that I had been in 
74the habit of lying before taking Howard's course — but I now knew that endless forms of 
75suffering and embarrassment could be easily avoided by simply telling the truth. And, as 
76though for the first time, I saw the consequences of others' failure to live by this principle all 
77around me. 
78
79This experience remains one of the clearest examples in my own life of the power of 
80philosophical reflection. "The Ethical Analyst" affected me in ways that college courses 
81seldom do: It made me a better person. 
82
83
84
85What Is a Lie? 
86
87Deception can take many forms, but not all acts of deception are lies. Even the most 
88ethical among us occasionally struggle to keep appearances and reality apart. By wearing 
89cosmetics, a woman seeks to seem younger or more beautiful than she otherwise would. 
90Honesty does not require that she issue a continual series of disclaimers — "I see that you 
91are looking at my face: Please be aware that I do not look this good first thing in the 
92morning..." A person in a hurry might pretend not to notice an acquaintance passing by on 
93the street. A polite host might not acknowledge that one of her guests has said something 
94so stupid as to slow the rotation of the earth. When asked "How are you?" most of us 
95reflexively say that we are well, understanding the question to be merely a greeting, rather 
96than an invitation to discuss our career disappointments, our marital troubles, or the 
97condition of our bowels. Elisions of this kind can be forms of deception, but they are not 
98quite lies. We may skirt the truth at such moments, but we do not deliberately manufacture 
99falsehood. 
100
101The boundary between lying and deception is often vague. In fact, it is even possible to 
102deceive with the truth. I could, for instance, stand on the sidewalk in front of the White 
103House and call the headquarters of Facebook on my cellphone: "Hello, this is Sam Harris. 
104I'm calling from the White House, and I'd like to speak to Mark Zuckerberg." My words 
105would, in a narrow sense, be true — but the statement seems calculated to deceive. Would I 
106be lying? Close enough. 
107
108To lie is to intentionally mislead others when they expect honest communication.^ This 
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112leaves stage magicians, poker players, and other harmless dissemblers off the hook, while 
113illuminating a psychological and social landscape whose general shape is very easy to 
114recognize. People lie so that others will form beliefs that are not true. The more 
115consequential the beliefs — that is, the more a person's well-being depends upon a correct 
116understanding of the world — the more consequential the lie. 
117
118As the philosopher Sissela Bok observed, however, we cannot get far on this topic 
119without first distinguishing between truth and truthfulness — for a person may be impeccably 
120truthful while being mistaken.^ To speak truthfully is to accurately represent one's beliefs. 
121But candor offers no assurance that one's beliefs about the world are true. Nor does 
122truthfulness require that one speak the whole truth, because communicating every fact on a 
123given topic is almost never useful or even possible. 
124
125Leaving these ambiguities aside, communicating what one believes to be both true and 
126useful is surely different from concealing or distorting those beliefs. The intent to 
127communicate honestly is the measure of truthfulness. And most people do not require a 
128degree in philosophy to distinguish this attitude from its counterfeits. 
129
130People tell lies for many reasons. They lie to avoid embarrassment, to exaggerate their 
131accomplishments, and to disguise wrongdoing. They make promises they do not intend to 
132keep. They conceal defects in their products or services. They mislead competitors to gain 
133advantage. Many of us lie to our friends and family members to spare their feelings. 
134
135Whatever our purpose in telling them, lies can be gross or subtle. Some entail elaborate 
136ruses or forged documents. Others consist merely of euphemisms or tactical silences. But it 
137is in believing one thing while intending to communicate another that every lie is born. 
138
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140
141We have all stood on either side of the divide between what someone believes and 
142what he intends others to understand — and the gap generally looks quite different 
143depending on whether one is the liar or the dupe. Of course, the liar often imagines that he 
144does no harm as long as his lies go undetected. But the one lied to almost never shares 
145this view. The moment we consider our dishonesty from the point of view of those we lie to, 
146we recognize that we would feel betrayed if the roles were reversed. 
147
148A friend of mine, Sita, was once visiting the home of another friend and wanted to take 
149her a small gift. Unfortunately, she was traveling with her young son and hadn't found time 
150to go shopping. As they were getting ready to leave their hotel, however, Sita noticed that 
151the bath products supplied in their room were unusually nice. So she put some soaps, 
152shampoos, and body lotions into a bag, tied it with a ribbon she got at the front desk, and 
153set off. 
154
155When Sita presented this gift, her friend was delighted. 
156"Where did you get them?" she asked. 
157
158Surprised by the question, and by a lurching sense of impropriety, Sita sought to regain 
159
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162her footing with a lie: "Oh, we just bought them in the hotel gift shop." 
163
164The next words came from her innocent son: "No, Mommy, you got them in the 
165bathroom!" 
166
167Imagine the faces of these two women, briefly frozen in embarrassment and then yielding 
168to smiles of apology and forgiveness. This may seem the most trivial of lies — and it was — 
169but it surely did nothing to increase the level of trust between these two friends. Funny or 
170not, the story reveals something distasteful about Sita: She will lie when it suits her needs. 
171
172The opportunity to deceive others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance 
173casts us onto some of the steepest ethical terrain we ever cross. Few of us are murderers or 
174thieves, but we have all been liars. And many of us will be unable to get safely into our 
175beds tonight without having told several lies over the course of the day. 
176
177What does this say about us and about the life we are making with one another? 
178
179
180
181The Mirror of Honesty 
182
183At least one study suggests that 10 percent of communication between spouses is 
184deceptive.^ Another has found that 38 percent of encounters among college students 
185contain lies.^ However, researchers have discovered that even liars rate their deceptive 
186interactions as less pleasant than truthful ones. This is not terribly surprising: We know that 
187trust is deeply rewarding and that deception and suspicion are two sides of the same coin. 
188Research suggests that all forms of lying — including white lies meant to spare the feelings 
189of others — are associated with poorer-quality relationships.^ 
190
191Once one commits to telling the truth, one begins to notice how unusual it is to meet 
192someone who shares this commitment. Honest people are a refuge: You know they mean 
193what they say; you know they will not say one thing to your face and another behind your 
194back; you know they will tell you when they think you have failed — and for this reason their 
195praise cannot be mistaken for mere flattery. 
196
197Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of 
198simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves 
199us with little to prepare for. We can simply be ourselves. 
200
201In committing to be honest with everyone, we commit to avoiding a wide range of long- 
202term problems, but at the cost of occasional, short-term discomfort. However, the discomfort 
203should not be exaggerated: You can be honest and kind, because your purpose in telling 
204the truth is not to offend people: You simply want them to have the information you have, 
205and would want to have if you were in their position. 
206
207But it can take practice to feel comfortable with this way of being in the world — to cancel 
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211plans, decline invitations, critique others' work, etc., all while being honest about what one 
212is thinking and feeling. To do this is also to hold a mirror up to one's life — because a 
213commitment to telling the truth requires that one pay attention to what the truth is in every 
214moment. What sort of person are you? How judgmental, self-interested, or petty have you 
215become? 
216
217You might discover that some of your friendships are not really that — perhaps you 
218habitually lie to avoid making plans, or fail to express your true opinions for fear of conflict. 
219Whom, exactly, are you helping by living this way? You might find that certain relationships 
220cannot be honestly maintained. 
221
222And real problems in your life can be forced to the surface. Are you in an abusive 
223relationship? A refusal to lie to others — How did you get that bruise? — might oblige you to 
224come to grips with this situation very quickly. Do you have a problem with drugs or alcohol? 
225Lying is the lifeblood of addiction. Without recourse to lies, our lives can unravel only so far 
226without others' noticing. 
227
228Telling the truth can also reveal ways in which we want to grow, but haven't. I remember 
229learning that I was to be the class valedictorian at my high school. I declined the honor, 
230saying that I felt that someone who had been at the school longer should give the 
231graduation speech. But that was a lie. The truth was that I was terrified of public speaking 
232and would do almost anything to avoid it. Apparently, I wasn't ready to confront this fact 
233about myself — and my willingness to lie at that moment allowed me to avoid doing so for 
234many years. Had I been forced to tell my high school principal the truth, he might have 
235begun a conversation with me that would have been well worth having. 
236
237
238
239Two Types of Lies 
240
241Ethical transgressions are generally divided into two categories: the bad things we do 
242(acts of commission) and the good things we fail to do (acts of omission). We tend to judge 
243the former far more harshly. The origin of this imbalance remains a mystery, but it surely 
244relates to the value we place on a person's energy and intent. 
245
246Doing something requires energy, and most morally salient actions require conscious 
247intent. A failure to c/o something can arise purely by circumstance and requires energy to 
248rectify. The difference is important. It is one thing to reach into the till and steal $100; it is 
249another to neglect to return $100 that one has received by mistake. We might consider both 
250behaviors to be ethically blameworthy — but only the former amounts to a deliberate effort to 
251steal. Needless to say, if it would cost a person more than $100 to return $100 he received 
252by mistake, few of us would judge him for simply keeping the money 
253
254And so it is with lying. To lie about one's age, marital status, career, etc. is one thing; to 
255fail to correct false impressions whenever they arise is another. For instance, I am 
256occasionally described as a "neurologist," which I am not, rather than as a "neuroscientist," 
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260which I am. Neurologists have medical degrees and specialize in treating disorders of the 
261brain and nervous system. Neuroscientists have PhDs and perform research. I am not an 
262MD, have no clinical experience, and would never dream of claiming to be a neurologist. 
263But neither do I view it as my ethical responsibility to correct every instance of confusion 
264that might arise on this point. It would simply take too much energy. (A Google search for 
265"Sam Harris" and "neurologist" currently returns tens of thousands of results.) If, however, a 
266person's belief that I am a neurologist ever seemed likely to cause harm, or to redound to 
267my advantage, I would be guilty of a lie of omission, and it would be ethically important for 
268me to clear the matter up. And yet few people would view my failure to do so as equivalent 
269to my falsely claiming to be a neurologist in the first place. 
270
271In discussing the phenomenon of lying, I will focus on lies of commission: lying at its 
272clearest and most consequential. However, most of what I say is relevant to lies of omission 
273and to deception generally. I will also focus on "white" lies — ^those lies we tell for the 
274purpose of sparing others discomfort— for these are the lies that most often tempt us. And 
275they tend to be the only lies that good people tell while imagining that they are being good 
276in the process. 
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279
280White Lies 
281
282Have you ever received a truly awful gift? The time it took to tear away the wrapping 
283paper should have allowed you to steel yourself — but suddenly there it was: 
284
285"Wow..." 
286
287"Do you like it?" 
288
289"That's amazing. Where did you get it?" 
290"Bangkok. Do you like it?" 
291"When were you in Bangkok?" 
292"Christmas. Do you like it?" 
293
294"Yes... Definitely. Where else did you go in Thailand?" 
295
296The careful observer will see that I have now broken into a cold sweat. I am not cut out for 
297this. Generally speaking, I have learned to be honest even when ambushed. I don't always 
298communicate the truth in the way that I want to — but one of the strengths of telling the truth 
299is that it remains open for elaboration. If what you say in the heat of the moment isn't quite 
300right, you can amend it. I have learned that I would rather be maladroit, or even rude, than 
301dishonest. 
302
303
304
305What could I have said in the above situation? 
306"Wow. . . does one wear it or hang it on the wall?" 
307"You wear it. It's very warm. Do you like it?" 
308
309"You know, I'm really touched you thought of me. But I don't think I can pull this off. My 
310style is somewhere between boring and very boring." 
311
312This is getting much closer to the sort of response I'm comfortable with. Some 
313euphemism is creeping in, perhaps, but the basic communication is truthful. I have given 
314my friend fair warning that she is unlikely to see me wearing her gift the next time we meet. I 
315have also given her an opportunity to keep it for herself or perhaps bestow it on another 
316friend who might actually like it. 
317
318Some readers may now worry that I am recommending a regression to the social 
319ineptitude of early childhood. After all, children do not learn to tell white lies until around the 
320age of four, after they have achieved a hard-won awareness of the mental states of 
321others.^ But there is no reason to believe that the social conventions that happen to 
322stabilize in primates like us around the age of eleven will lead to optimal human 
323relationships. In fact, there are many reasons to believe that lying is precisely the sort of 
324behavior we need to outgrow in order to build a better world. 
325
326
327
328But what could be wrong with truly "white" lies? First, they are still lies. And in telling 
329them, we incur all the problems of being less than straightforward in our dealings with other 
330people. Sincerity, authenticity, integrity, mutual understanding — these and other sources of 
331moral wealth are destroyed the moment we deliberately misrepresent our beliefs, whether 
332or not our lies are ever discovered. 
333
334And while we imagine that we tell certain lies out of compassion for others, it is rarely 
335difficult to spot the damage we do in the process. By lying, we deny our friends access to 
336reality — and their resulting ignorance often harms them in ways we did not anticipate. Our 
337friends may act on our falsehoods, or fail to solve problems that could have been solved 
338only on the basis of good information. Rather often, to lie is to infringe upon the freedom of 
339those we care about. 
340
341A primal instance: 
342
343"Do I look fat in this dress?" 
344
345Most people insist that the correct answer to this question is always "No." In fact, many 
346believe that it's not a question at all: The woman is simply saying, "Tell me I look good." If 
347she's your wife or girlfriend, she might even be saying, "Tell me you love me." If you 
348sincerely believe that this is the situation you are in — that the text is a distractor and the 
349subtext conveys the entire message — then so be it. Responding honestly to the subtext 
350would not be lying. 
351
352
353
354But this is an edge case for a reason: It crystallizes what is tempting about white lies. 
355Why not simply reassure someone with a tiny lie and send her out into the world feeling 
356more confident? Unless one commits to telling the truth in situations like this, however, one 
357finds that the edges creep inward, and exceptions to the principle of honesty begin to 
358multiply. Very soon, you may find yourself behaving as most people do quite effortlessly: 
359shading the truth, or even lying outright, without thinking about it. The price is too high. 
360
361A friend of mine recently asked me whether I thought he was overweight. In fact, he 
362probably was just asking for reassurance: It was the beginning of summer, and we were 
363sitting with our wives by the side of his pool. However, I'm more comfortable relying on the 
364words that actually come out of a person's mouth, rather than on my powers of telepathy, to 
365know what he is asking. So I answered my friend's question very directly: 
366
367"No one would ever call you 'fat,' but I think you could probably lose twenty-five pounds." 
368That was two months ago, and he is now fifteen pounds lighter. Neither of us knew that he 
369was ready to go on a diet until I declined the opportunity to lie about how he looked in a 
370bathing suit. 
371
372Back to our friend in the dress: What is the truth? Perhaps she does look fat in that dress, 
373but it's the fault of the dress. Telling her the truth will allow her to find a more flattering outfit. 
374
375But let's imagine the truth is harder to tell: Your friend looks fat in that dress, or any dress, 
376because she /sfat. Let's say she is also thirty-five years old and single, and you happen to 
377know that her greatest desire at this moment in life is to get married and start a family. You 
378believe that many men might be disinclined to date her at her current weight. And, marriage 
379aside, you are confident that she would be happier and healthier, and would feel better 
380about herself, if she got in shape. 
381
382A white lie is simply a denial of these realities. It is a refusal to offer honest guidance in a 
383storm. Even on so touchy a subject, lying seems a clear failure of friendship. By reassuring 
384your friend about her appearance, you are not helping her to do what you think she should 
385do to get what she wants out of life. 
386
387There are many circumstances in life in which false encouragement can be very costly to 
388another person. Imagine that you have a friend who has spent years striving unsuccessfully 
389to build a career as an actor. Many fine actors struggle in this way, of course, but in your 
390friend's case the reason seems self-evident: He is a terrible actor. In fact, you happen to 
391know that his other friends — and even his parents — share this opinion but cannot bring 
392themselves to express it. What do you say the next time he complains about his stalled 
393career? Do you encourage him to "just keep at it"? False encouragement is a kind of theft: it 
394steals time, energy, and motivation a person could put toward some other purpose. 
395
396This is not to say that we are always correct in our judgments of other people. And 
397honesty demands that we communicate any uncertainty we may feel about the relevance of 
398our own opinions. But if we are convinced that a friend has taken a wrong turn in life, it is no 
399sign of friendship to simply smile and wave him onward. 
400
401
402
403If the truth itself is painful to tell, there are often background truths that are not — and these 
404can be communicated as well, deepening the friendship. In the two examples above, the 
405more basic truth is that you love your friends and want them to be happy, and both of them 
406could make changes in their lives that might lead to greater fulfillment. In lying to them, you 
407are not only declining to help them — you are denying them useful information and setting 
408them up for future disappointment. Yet the temptation to lie in these circumstances can be 
409overwhelming. 
410
411When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best 
412judges of how much they should understand about their own lives — about how they appear, 
413their reputations, or their prospects in the world. This is an extraordinary stance to adopt 
414toward other human beings, and it requires justification. Unless someone is suicidal or 
415otherwise on the brink, deciding how much he can know about himself seems the 
416quintessence of arrogance. What attitude could be more disrespectful of those we care 
417about? 
418
419
420
421While preparing to write this book, I asked friends and readers for examples of lies that 
422had affected them. Some of their stories appear below. I have changed all names to protect 
423the innocent and the guilty alike. 
424
425Many people shared stories of family members who deceived one another about medical 
426diagnoses. Here is one: 
427
428My mother was diagnosed with MS when she was in her iate 30s. Her 
429doctor thought it was best to lie and teii her that she didn't have MS. He toid 
430my father the truth. My father decided to l<eep the truth to himseif because he 
431didn 't want to upset my mother or any of their 3 chiidren. 
432
433Meanwhile, my mother went to the library, read up on her symptoms, and 
434diagnosed herself with MS. She decided not to teii my father or their chiidren 
435because she didn't want to upset anyone. 
436
437One year later, when she went to the doctor for her annual checkup, the 
438doctor told her she had MS. She confessed that she knew but hadn't told 
439anyone. My dad confessed that he knew but hadn't told anyone. So they 
440each spent a year with a secret and without each other's support. 
441
442My brother found out accidentally about a year later, when my mother had 
443breast cancer surgery. The surgeon walked into the room and essentially 
444said, "This won't affect the MS. " My brother said, "What MS?" I think it was a 
445couple more years before anyone told me or my sister about Mom's 
446MS.. ..Rather than feeling grateful and protected, I felt sadness that we hadn't 
447come together as a family to face her illness and support each other. 
448
449My mother never told her mother about the MS, which meant that none of 
450us could tell friends and family, for fear that her mother would find out. She 
451
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454didn't want to hurt her mother. I think she deprived herself of the opportunity 
455to have a cioser relationship with her mother. 
456
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458
459Such tales of medical deception were once extraordinarily common. In fact, I know of at 
460least one instance within my own family: My maternal grandmother died of cancer when my 
461mother was sixteen. She had been suffering from metastatic melanoma for nearly a year, 
462but her doctor had told her that she had arthritis. Her husband, my grandfather, knew her 
463actual diagnosis but decided to maintain this deception as well. 
464
465After my grandmother's condition deteriorated, and she was finally hospitalized, she 
466confided to a nurse that she knew that she was dying. However, she imagined that she had 
467been keeping this a secret from the rest of her family, her husband included. Needless to 
468say, my mother and her younger brother were kept entirely in the dark. In their experience, 
469their mother checked into the hospital for "arthritis" and never returned. 
470
471Think of all the opportunities for deepening love, compassion, forgiveness, and 
472understanding that are forsaken by white lies of this kind. When we pretend not to know the 
473truth, we must also pretend not to be motivated by it. This can force us to make choices that 
474we would not otherwise make. Did my grandfather really have nothing to say to his wife in 
475light of the fact that she would soon die? Did she really have nothing to say to her two 
476children to help prepare them for their lives without her? These silences are lacerating. 
477Wisdom remains unshared, promises unmade, and apologies unoffered. The opportunity to 
478say something useful to the people we love soon disappears, never to return. 
479
480Who would choose to leave this world in such terrible isolation? Perhaps there are those 
481who would. But why should anyone make this choice for another person? 
482
483
484
485Trust 
486
487Jessica recently overheard her friend Lucy telling a white lie: Lucy had a social 
488obligation she wanted to get free of, and Jessica heard her leave a voicemail message for 
489another friend, explaining why their meeting would have to be rescheduled. Lucy's excuse 
490was entirely fictitious — something involving her child's getting sick — but she lied so 
491effortlessly and persuasively that Jessica was left wondering if she had ever been duped by 
492Lucy in the past. Now, whenever Lucy cancels a plan, Jessica suspects she might not be 
493telling the truth. 
494
495These tiny erosions of trust are especially insidious because they are almost never 
496remedied. Lucy has no reason to think that Jessica has a grievance with her — because she 
497doesn't. She simply does not trust her as much as she used to, having heard her lie without 
498compunction to another friend. Of course, if the problem (or the relationship) were deeper, 
499perhaps Jessica would say something — but, as it happens, she feels there is no point in 
500
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503admonishing Lucy about her ethics. The net result is that a single voicemail message, left 
504for a third party, has subtly undermined a friendship. 
505
506
507
508We have already seen that children can be dangerous to keep around if one wants to 
509lie with impunity. Another example, in case there is any doubt: My friend Daniel recently 
510learned from his wife that another couple would be coming to stay in their home for a week. 
511Daniel resisted. A week seemed like an eternity — especially given that he was not at all 
512fond of the husband. This precipitated a brief argument between Daniel and his wife in the 
513presence of their young daughter. 
514
515In the end, Daniel gave in, and the couple was soon standing on his doorstep with an 
516impressive amount of luggage. Upon entering the home, the unwelcome husband 
517expressed his gratitude for being allowed to stay in Daniel's guest room. 
518
519"Don't be silly, it's great to see you," Daniel said, his daughter standing at his side. "We 
520love having you here." 
521
522"But, Dad, you said you didn't want them to stay with us." 
523
524"No I didn't." 
525
526'Yes you did! Remember?" 
527
528"No, no... that was another situation." Daniel found that he could no longer maintain eye 
529contact with his guests and thought of nothing better than to lead his daughter away by the 
530hand, saying, "Where is your coloring book?" He spent the rest of the week struggling to 
531swim free of the resulting riptide of awkwardness. 
532
533There is comedy here, of course — but only for others. And what do our children learn 
534about us in moments like these? Is this really the example we want to set for them? Failures 
535of personal integrity, once revealed, are rarely forgotten. We can apologize, of course. And 
536we can resolve to be more forthright in the future. But we cannot erase the bad impression 
537we have left in the minds of other people. 
538
539A wasteland of embarrassment and social upheaval can be neatly avoided by following a 
540single precept in life: Do not lie. 
541
542
543
544Faint Praise 
545
546There have been moments in my life when I was devoted to a project that was simply 
547doomed, in which I had months — in one case, years — invested, and where honest 
548feedback could have spared me an immense amount of wasted effort. At other times, I 
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552received frank criticism just when I needed it and was able to change course quickly, 
553knowing that I had avoided a lot of painful and unnecessary work. The difference between 
554these two fates is hard to exaggerate. Yes, it can be unpleasant to be told that we have 
555wasted time, or that we are not performing as well as we imagined, but if the criticism is 
556valid, it is precisely what we most need to hear to find our way in the world. 
557
558And yet we are often tempted to encourage others with insincere praise. In this we treat 
559them like children — while failing to help them prepare for encounters with those who will 
560judge them like adults. I'm not saying that we need to go out of our way to criticize others. 
561But when asked for our opinion, we do our friends no favors by pretending not to notice 
562flaws in their work, especially when those who are not their friends are bound to notice 
563these same flaws. Saving our friends disappointment and embarrassment is a great 
564kindness. And if we have a history of being honest, our praise and encouragement will 
565actually mean something. 
566
567I have a friend who is a very successful writer. Early in his career, he wrote a script that I 
568thought was terrible, and I told him so. That was not easy to do, because he had spent the 
569better part of a year working on it — but it happened to be the truth. Now, when I tell him that 
570I love something he has written, he knows that I love it. He also knows that I respect his 
571talent enough to tell him when I don't. I am sure there are people in his life he can't say that 
572about. Why would I want to be one of them? 
573
574
575
576Secrets 
577
578A commitment to honesty does not necessarily require that we disclose facts about 
579ourselves that we would prefer to keep private. If someone asks how much money you 
580have in your bank account, you are under no ethical obligation to tell him. The truth could 
581well be, "I'd rather not say." 
582
583So there is no conflict, in principle, between honesty and the keeping of secrets. 
584However, it is worth noting that many secrets — especially those we are asked to keep for 
585others — can put us in a position where we will be forced to choose between lying and 
586revealing privileged information. To agree to keep a secret is to assume a burden. At a 
587minimum, one must remember what one is not supposed to talk about. This can be difficult 
588and lead to clumsy attempts at deception. Unless your work requires that you keep secrets 
589— ^which doctors, lawyers, psychologists, and other professional confidants do routinely — it 
590seems worth avoiding. 
591
592Stephanie and Gina had been friends for more than a decade when Stephanie began to 
593hear rumors that Gina's husband, Derek, was having an affair. Although Stephanie did not 
594feel close enough to Gina to raise the matter directly, a little snooping revealed that almost 
595everyone in her circle knew about Derek's infidelity — except, it seemed, Gina herself. 
596
597
598
599Derek had not been discreet. He was in the film business, and his mistress was an 
600
601
602
603aspiring actress. Once, while traveling with Gina and the kids on vacation, he had booked 
604this woman a room in the same hotel. He later hired her as a production assistant, and she 
605now accompanied him on business trips and even attended events where Gina was 
606present. 
607
608As Gina's friend, Stephanie wanted to do whatever she could to help her. But what was 
609the right thing to do? She was a second-tier friend, and the person who had told her of 
610Derek's affair had sworn her to secrecy. She also knew women who were closer to Gina 
611than she was — why hadn't one of them said something? 
612
613Stephanie saw Gina a few more times — they had been having lunch regularly for years — 
614but found that she could no longer enjoy her company. Gina would speak about the 
615completion of her new home, or about plans for an upcoming trip, and Stephanie felt that by 
616remaining silent she was participating in her friend's ultimate undoing. Simply having a 
617normal conversation became an ordeal of acting as if nothing were the matter. Whether 
618Gina knew about her husband's behavior and was keeping it a secret, was self-deceived, 
619or was merely a victim of his cunning and the collusion of others, Stephanie's pretense 
620began to feel indistinguishable from lying. As if by magic, the two friends quickly grew apart 
621and have not spoken for years. 
622
623I was close enough to this situation to find it sickening. I am related to Stephanie and had 
624met Gina and Derek on several occasions. Although I had no independent relationship with 
625them, I knew a few people who had direct knowledge of Derek's philandering and were 
626quietly severing relationships with him — all while keeping Gina in the dark (or allowing her 
627to keep herself there). It was simply uncanny to see someone living under a mountain of 
628lies and gossip, surrounded by friends but without a friend in the world who would tell her 
629the truth. And this was Derek's final victory: People who could no longer abide him 
630because of his unconscionable treatment of his wife nevertheless helped maintain his lies. 
631
632
633
634Lies in Extremis 
635
636Kant believed that lying was unethical in all cases — even in an attempt to stop the 
637murder of an innocent person. Like many of Kant's philosophical views, his position on 
638lying was not so much argued for as presumed, like a religious precept. Though it has the 
639obvious virtue of clarity — Never tell a lie — in practice, this rule can produce behavior that 
640only a psychopath might endorse. 
641
642A total prohibition against lying is also ethically incoherent in anyone but a true pacifist. If 
643you think that it can ever be appropriate to injure or kill a person in self-defense, or in 
644defense of another, it makes no sense to rule out lying in the same circumstances.^ 
645
646I cannot see any reason to take Kant seriously on this point. However, this does not 
647mean that lying is easily justified. Even as a means to ward off violence, lying often closes 
648the door to acts of honest communication that may be more effective. 
649
650
651
652In those circumstances where we deem it Oibwous/y necessary to lie, we have generally 
653determined that the person to be deceived is both dangerous and unreachable by any 
654recourse to the truth. In other words, we have judged the prospects of establishing a real 
655relationship with this person to be nonexistent. For most of us, such circumstances arise 
656very rarely in life, if ever. And even when they seem to, it is often possible to worry that lying 
657was the easy (and less than truly ethical) way out. 
658
659Let us take an extreme case as a template for others in the genre: A known murderer is 
660looking for a boy whom you are now sheltering in your home. The murderer is standing at 
661your door and wants to know whether you have seen his intended victim. The temptation to 
662lie is perfectly understandable — but merely lying might produce other outcomes you do not 
663intend. If you say that you saw the boy climb your fence and continue down the block, the 
664murderer may leave, only to kill someone else's child. You might, even in this unhappy 
665case, believe that lying was necessary and that you did all you could to protect innocent 
666life. But that doesn't mean someone more courageous or capable than you couldn't have 
667produced a better result with the truth. 
668
669Telling the truth in such a circumstance need not amount to acquiescence. The truth in 
670this case could well be, "I wouldn't tell you even if I knew. And if you take another step, I'll 
671put a bullet in your brain." But if lying seems the only option, given your fear or physical 
672limitations, it clearly shifts the burden of combating evil onto others. Granted, your 
673neighbors might be better able to assume this burden than you are. But someone must 
674assume it. If nothing else, the police must tell murderers the truth: Their behavior will not be 
675tolerated. 
676
677In any case, it is far more common to find ourselves in situations in which, though we are 
678tempted to lie, honesty will lead us to form connections with people who might othenwise 
679have been adversaries. In this vein, I recall an encounter I had with a U.S. Customs officer 
680upon returning from my first trip to Asia, nearly twenty-five years ago. 
681
682The year was 1987, but it might as well have been the Summer of Love: I was twenty, 
683had hair down to my shoulders, and was dressed like an Indian rickshaw driver. For those 
684charged with enforcing our nation's drug laws, it would have been only prudent to subject 
685my luggage to special scrutiny. Happily, I had nothing to hide. 
686
687"Where are you coming from?" the officer asked, glancing skeptically at my backpack. 
688
689"India, Nepal, Thailand..." I said. 
690
691"Did you take any drugs while you were over there?" 
692
693As it happens, I had. The temptation to lie was obvious — ^why speak to a customs officer 
694about my recent drug use? But there was no real reason not to tell the truth, apart from the 
695risk that it would lead to an even more thorough search of my luggage (and perhaps of my 
696person) than had already commenced. 
697
698
699
700Yes," I said. 
701
702
703
704The officer stopped searching my bag and looked up. "Which drugs did you take? 
705
706"I smoked pot a few times... And I tried opium in India." 
707
708"Opium?" 
709
710"Yes." 
711
712"Opium or heroin? 
713"It was opium." 
714
715'You don't hear much about opium these days." 
716"I know. It was the first time I'd ever tried it." 
717"Are you carrying any drugs with you now?" 
718"No." 
719
720The officer eyed me warily for a moment and then returned to searching my bag. Given 
721the nature of our conversation, I reconciled myself to being there for a very long time. I was, 
722therefore, as patient as a tree. Which was a good thing, because the officer was now 
723examining my belongings as though any one item — a toothbrush, a book, a flashlight, a bit 
724of nylon cord — might reveal the deepest secrets of the universe. 
725
726"What is opium like?" he asked after a time. 
727
728And I told him. In fact, over the next ten minutes, I told this lawman almost everything I 
729knew about the use of mind-altering substances. 
730
731Eventually he completed his search and closed my luggage. One thing was perfectly 
732obvious at the end of our encounter: We both felt very good about it. 
733
734A more quixotic self stands revealed. I'm not sure that I would have precisely the same 
735conversation today. I would not lie, but I probably wouldn't work quite so hard to open such 
736a novel channel of communication. Nevertheless, I continue to find that a willingness to be 
737honest — especially about truths that one might be expected to conceal — often leads to 
738much more gratifying exchanges with other human beings. 
739
740Of course, if I had been carrying illegal drugs, my situation would have been very 
741different. One of the worst things about breaking the law is that it puts one at odds with an 
742indeterminate number of other people. This is among the many corrosive effects of having 
743unjust laws: They tempt peaceful and (othenwise) honest people to lie so as to avoid being 
744punished for behavior that is ethically blameless. 
745
746
747
748Mental Accounting 
749
750
751
752One of the greatest problems for the liar is that he must keep track of his lies. Some 
753people are better at this than others. Psychopaths can assume this burden of mental 
754accounting without any obvious distress. That is no accident: They are psychopaths. They 
755do not care about others and are quite happy to sever relationships whenever the need 
756arises. Some people are monsters of egocentricity. But there is no question that lying 
757comes at a psychological cost for the rest of us. 
758
759Lies beget other lies. Unlike statements of fact, which require no further work on our part, 
760lies must be continually protected from collisions with reality. When you tell the truth, you 
761have nothing to keep track of. The world itself becomes your memory, and if questions 
762arise, you can always point others back to it. You can even reconsider certain facts and 
763honestly change your views. And you can openly discuss your confusion, conflicts, and 
764doubts with all comers. In this way, a commitment to the truth is naturally purifying of error. 
765
766But the liar must remember what he said, and to whom, and must take care to maintain 
767his falsehoods in the future. This can require an extraordinary amount of work — all of which 
768comes at the expense of authentic communication and free attention. The liar must weigh 
769each new disclosure, whatever the source, to see whether it might damage the facade that 
770he has built. And all these stresses accrue, whether or not anyone discovers that he has 
771been lying. 
772
773Tell enough lies, however, and the effort required to keep your audience in the dark 
774quickly becomes unsustainable. While you might be spared a direct accusation of 
775dishonesty, many people will conclude, for reasons that they might be unable to pinpoint, 
776that they cannot trust you. You will begin to seem like someone who is always dancing 
777around the facts — because you most certainly are. Many of us have known people like this. 
778No one ever quite confronts them, but everyone begins to treat them like creatures of fiction. 
779Such people are often quietly shunned, for reasons they probably never understand. 
780
781In fact, suspicion often grows on both sides of a lie: Research indicates that liars trust 
782those they deceive less than they otherwise might — and the more damaging their lies, the 
783less they trust, or even like, their victims. It seems that in protecting their egos, and 
784interpreting their own behavior as justified, liars tend to deprecate the people they lie \oJ^ 
785
786
787
788Integrity 
789
790What does it mean to have integrity? It means many things, of course, but one criterion 
791is to avoid behavior that readily leads to shame or remorse. The ethical terrain here extends 
792well beyond the question of honesty — but to truly have integrity, we must not feel the need 
793to lie about our personal lives. 
794
795
796
797To lie is to erect a boundary between the truth we are living and the perception others 
798have of us. The temptation to do this is often born of an understanding that others will 
799disapprove of our behavior. Often, there are good reasons why they would. 
800
801Pick up any newspaper and look at the problems people create for themselves by lying — 
802problems that seem to require more lies to mitigate. It is simply astonishing how people 
803destroy their marriages, careers, and reputations by saying one thing and doing another. 
804Tiger Woods, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener — these are men whose names 
805now conjure images of the most public self-destruction. Of course, their transgressions 
806weren't merely a matter of lying. But deception was what prepared the ground for their 
807humiliation. One can get divorced without having to issue a public apology. It is even 
808possible to live a frank and utterly unconventional life of sexual promiscuity, or 
809exhibitionism, without paying the penalties these men paid. Many lives are almost scandal- 
810proof. Vulnerability comes in pretending to be someone you are not. 
811
812
813
814Big Lies 
815
816Most of us are now painfully aware that our trust in government, corporations, and other 
817public institutions has been undermined by lies. 
818
819Lying has precipitated or prolonged wars: The Gulf of Tonkin incident in Vietnam and 
820false reports of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were both instances in which lying (at 
821some level) led to armed conflict that might otherwise not have occurred. When the truth 
822finally emerged, vast numbers of people grew more cynical about U.S. foreign policy — and 
823many have come to doubt the legitimacy of any military intervention, whatever the stated 
824motive. 
825
826Big lies have led many people to reflexively distrust those in positions of authority. As a 
827consequence, it is now impossible to say anything of substance on climate change, 
828environmental pollution, human nutrition, economic policy, foreign conflicts, 
829pharmaceuticals, and dozens of other subjects without a significant percentage of one's 
830audience expressing paralyzing doubts about even the most reputable sources of 
831information. Our public discourse appears permanently riven by conspiracy theories. 
832
833Of course, certain controversies arise because expert opinion has come down on both 
834sides of an important issue. Some questions are genuinely unsettled. But confusion 
835spreads unnecessarily whenever people in positions of power are caught lying or 
836concealing their conflicts of interest. 
837
838Consider the widespread fear of childhood vaccinations. In 1998, the physician Andrew 
839Wakefield published a study in The LanceNinking the measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) 
840vaccine to autism. This study has since been judged to be an "elaborate fraud," and 
841Wakefield's medical license has been revoked.J^ 
842
843
844
845The consequences of Wakefield's dishonesty would have been bad enough. But the 
846legacy effect of other big lies has thus far made it impossible to remedy the damage he has 
847caused. Given the fact that corporations and governments sometimes lie, whether to avoid 
848legal liability or to avert public panic, it has become very difficult to spread the truth about 
849the MMR vaccine. Vaccination rates have plummeted — especially in prosperous, well- 
850educated communities — and children have become sick and even died as a result. 
851
852An unhappy truth of human psychology is probably also at work here, which makes it 
853hard to abolish lies once they have escaped into the world: We seem to be predisposed to 
854remember statements as true even after they have been disconfirmed. For instance, if a 
855rumor spreads that a famous politician once fainted during a campaign speech, and the 
856story is later revealed to be false, some significant percentage of people will recall it as a 
857fact — even if they were first exposed to it in the very context of its debunking. In psychology, 
858this is known as the "illusory truth effect." Familiarity breeds credence. 
859
860
861
862One can imagine circumstances, perhaps in time of war, in which lying to one's 
863enemies might be necessary — especially if spreading misinformation was likely to reduce 
864the loss of innocent life. Granted, the boundary between these conditions and the cases of 
865gratuitous or malignant deception cited above might be difficult to spot — especially if lying 
866to one's enemies also entails lying to one's friends. In such circumstances, we might 
867recognize a good lie only in retrospect. But war and espionage are conditions in which 
868human relationships have broken down or were never established in the first place; thus 
869the usual rules of cooperation no longer apply. The moment one begins dropping bombs, or 
870destroying a country's infrastructure with cyber attacks, lying has become just another 
871weapon in the arsenal. 
872
873The need for state secrets is obvious. However, the need for governments to deceive 
874their own people seems to me to be exiguous to the point of nonexistence — an ethical 
875mirage. Just when you think you've reached it, the facts tend to suggest otherwise. And the 
876harm occasioned whenever lies of this kind are uncovered seems all but irreparable. 
877
878I suspect that the telling of necessary lies will be rare for anyone but a spy— that is, if we 
879grant that espionage is necessary in today's world. It is rumored that spies must lie even to 
880their own friends and family. I am quite sure that I could not live this way myself, however 
881good the cause. The role of a spy strikes me as a near total sacrifice of personal ethics for a 
882larger good — whether real or imagined. It is a kind of moral self-immolation. 
883
884In any case, we can draw no more daily instruction from the lives of spies than we can 
885from the adventures of astronauts in space. Just as most of us need not worry about our 
886bone density in the absence of gravity, we need not consider whether our every utterance 
887could compromise national security. The ethics of war and espionage are the ethics of 
888emergency — and are, therefore, necessarily limited in scope. 
889
890
891
892Conclusion 
893
894
895
896As it was in Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary, and Othello, so it is in life. Most forms of 
897private vice and public evil are kindled and sustained by lies. Acts of adultery and other 
898personal betrayals, financial fraud, government corruption — even murder and genocide — 
899generally require an additional moral defect: a willingness to lie. 
900
901Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of 
902trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an 
903unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship. 
904
905By lying, we deny others a view of the world as it is. Our dishonesty not only influences 
906the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make — and in ways we 
907cannot always predict. Every lie is a direct assault upon the autonomy of those we lie to. 
908
909And by lying to one person, we potentially spread falsehoods to many others — even to 
910whole societies. We also force upon ourselves subsequent choices — to maintain the 
911deception or not — that can complicate our lives. In this way, every lie haunts our future. 
912There is no telling when or how it might collide with reality, requiring further maintenance. 
913The truth never needs to be tended in this way. It can simply be reiterated. 
914
915The lies of the powerful lead us to distrust governments and corporations. The lies of the 
916weak make us callous toward the suffering of others. The lies of conspiracy theorists raise 
917doubts about the honesty of whistleblowers, even when they are telling the truth. Lies are 
918the social equivalent of toxic waste — everyone is potentially harmed by their spread. 
919
920
921
922How would your relationships change if you resolved never to lie again? What truths 
923might suddenly come into view in your life? What kind of person would you become? And 
924how might you change the people around you? 
925
926It is worth finding out. 
927
928
929
930Acknowledgments 
931
932I am grateful for the editorial work of my wife and collaborator, Annaka Harris. The 
933editor's job is always crucial, but with this essay my debt to Annaka is especially great, 
934because the topic itself was her idea. I was, in fact, writing on assignment. In all my work, 
935Annaka improves the content, structure, tone, and syntax — true love takes no greater form 
936than this... 
937
938I am also indebted to my mother, whose comments improved the essay throughout, and 
939
940
941
942to my friends Emily Elson, Tim Ferriss, and Seth Godin for their very helpful notes. LYING 
943also benefitted from the expert copy editing of Martha Spaulding. 
944
945
946
947Other Books by Sam Harris 
948
949The Moral Landscape: How Science Can Determine Human Values 
950
951http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003V1 WT72/ref=as li tf tl? 
952ie=UTF8&tag=wwwsamharri02-20 
953
954
955
956Letter to a Christian Nation 
957
958http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/BOOOJMKTNM/ref=as li tf tl? 
959ie=UTF8&tag=wwwsamharri02-20 
960
961
962
963The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason 
964
965http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/BOOOVUCIZE/ref=as li tf tl? 
966ie=UTF8&tag=wwwsamharri02-20 
967
968
969
970About the Author 
971
972Sam Harris is the author of the New York Times bestsellers, The End of Faith, Letter to a 
973Christian Nation, and The Moral Landscape. The End of Faith won the 2005 PEN Award 
974for Nonfiction. 
975
976
977
978Mr. Harris's writing has been published in over fifteen languages. He and his work have 
979been discussed in Newsweek, TIME, The New York Times, Scientific American, Nature, 
980Rolling Stone, and many other journals . His writing has appeared in Newsweek, The New 
981York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Economist, The Times (London), The Boston 
982Globe, The Atlantic, The Annals of Neurology, and elsewhere . 
983
984Mr. Harris is a Co-Founder and CEO of Project Reason , a nonprofit foundation devoted 
985to spreading scientific knowledge and secular values in society. He received a degree in 
986philosophy from Stanford University and a Ph.D. in neuroscience from UCLA. Visit his blog 
987at www.samharris.org . 
988
989
990
991Notes 
992
993
994
995^ Howard has put much of his material in book form: R.A. Howard and CD. Korver, 
996Ethics for the Real World: Creating a Personal Code to Guide Decisions in Work and Life 
997(Cambridge: Harvard Business School Press, 2008). While I do not entirely agree with how 
998the authors separate ethics from the rest of human values, I believe readers will find this a 
999very useful book. 
1000
1001^ Some have argued that evolution must have selected for an ability to deceive 
1002oneself, thereby making it easier to mislead others [see William von Hippel and Robert 
1003Trivers, "The Evolution and Psychology of Self-deception," The Behavioral and Brain 
1004Sciences 34, no. 1 (2011): 1-16; discussion 16-56.] Whether self-deception actually exists 
1005is still a matter of controversy, however. There is no question that we can be blind to facts 
1006about ourselves or about the world that we really should see — but truly believing one's own 
1007falsehoods is tantamount to honesty. Thus, we need not worry about self-deception for the 
1008time being. 
1009
1010^ S. Bok, Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life (New York: Vintage, 1 999). 
1011
1012^ B.M. DePaulo and D.A. Kashy, "Everyday Lies in Close and Casual Relationships," 
1013Journal of Personality and Social Psychology74, no.1 (Jan. 1 998): 63-79. 
1014
1015^ B.M. DePaulo, et al., "Lying in Everyday Uie," Journal of Personality and Social 
1016Psychology 70, no. 5 (1996): 979-995. 
1017
1018^ P. J. Kalbfleisch, "Deceptive Message Intent and Relational Quality," Jouma/ of 
1019Language and Social Psychology 20, nos. 1-2 (2001): 214-230; T. Cole, "Lying to the One 
1020You Love: The Use of Deception in Romantic Relationships," JoL/ma/ of Social and 
1021Personal Relationships 1 8, no. 1 (2001 ): 1 07-1 29. 
1022
1023^ There is a related distinction in practical ethics between negative and positive 
1024injunctions: Negative injunctions are actions we should avoid; positive injunctions are 
1025actions we should perform. The asymmetry between these two sets is impressive: We can 
1026comply with an infinite number of negative injunctions without expending any energy at all 
1027— I can abstain from killing, stealing, or vandalizing others' property without getting out of 
1028my chair. Positive injunctions, however, demand that I do something — raise funds for a 
1029specific charity, for instance — and whatever I choose to do will compete with all the other 
1030ways I could use my time and attention. 
1031
1032Another important difference between negative and positive injunctions is that it is 
1033quite clear when one has fulfilled the former, whereas the latter are often beset by 
1034ambiguities. I can be absolutely certain I have not committed murder today. But with respect 
1035to any act of generosity, I may always wonder whether I have given enough, to the right 
1036people, in the right way, for the right purpose, etc. 
1037
1038
1039
1040To not lie is a negative injunction, and it takes no energy to accomplish. To tell the whole 
1041truth, however, is a positive injunction — requiring an endless effort at communication. 
1042
1043^ K.A. Broomfield, E.J. Robinson, and W.P. Robinson, "Children's Understanding 
1044about White Lies," British Journal of Developmental Psychology 20, no. 1 (2002): 47-65. 
1045
1046^ Bok (1 999) makes the same point. 
1047
1048^ B.J. Sagarin, K. Rhoads, and R.B. Cialdini, "Deceiver's Distrust: Denigration as a 
1049Consequence of Undiscovered Deception," Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 24, 
1050no. 11 (1998): 1167-1176. 
1051
1052^ http://healthland.time.com/201 1/01/06/study-linking-vaccines-to-autism-is- 
1053
1054fraudulent/ 
1055
1056Table of Contents 
1057
1058What Is a Lie? 
1059
1060The Mirror of Honesty 
1061
1062Two Types of Lies 
1063
1064White Lies 
1065
1066Trust 
1067
1068Faint Praise 
1069
1070Secrets 
1071
1072Lies in Extremis 
1073
1074Mental Accounting 
1075
1076Integrity 
1077
1078Big Lies 
1079
1080Conclusion 
1081
1082Acknowledgments 
1083
1084Other Books bv Sam Harris