· 6 years ago · Jan 08, 2020, 10:06 AM
1package kajfosz.antimatterdimensions;
2
3import java.util.Random;
4
5import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.AchievementTimers;
6import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.Achievements;
7import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.dimension.InfinityDimensions;
8import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.eternity.dilation.Dilation;
9import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.notation.Notations;
10import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.PlayerProgress;
11import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.time.Time;
12
13import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_10;
14import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_190;
15import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_1_8E16;
16import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_2E6;
17import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_500;
18import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_5E307;
19import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_5E4;
20import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.E6;
21import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.E80;
22import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_1;
23import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_0;
24import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.INFINITY;
25import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.format;
26import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.Achievements.Achievement;
27import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.challenge.EternityChallenges.EternityChallenge;
28import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.eternity.studies.NormalTimeStudies.TimeStudy;
29import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.bottomButtonsOption;
30import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.Player.player;
31import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.shop.AdBonus.getAdBonus;
32import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.shop.IAP.iap;
33
34class NewsTicker {
35
36 private static Random rnd = new Random();
37
38 private static String getMessage(int index) {
39 switch(index)
40 {
41 //always true
42 case 0: return "Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always.";
43 case 1: return "The cookie is a lie.";
44 case 2: return "Antimatter cookies have been confirmed to not exist. Whoever claims that, stop.";
45 case 3: return "Antimatter ghosts do not exist. Just like matter ghosts. They don't have any matter, for that matter.";
46 case 4: return "Nuclear power plants have been abandoned in favor of antimatter power.";
47 case 5: return "Antimatter prices have drastically dropped due to newfound abundance.";
48 case 6: return "In the news today, humans make an antimatter sacrifice to the antimatter god.";
49 case 7: return "You made one antimatter! Whatever that means.";
50 case 8: return "Scientists confirm that the colour of antimatter is Blurple.";
51 case 9: return "How does it matter if it's antimatter?";
52 case 10: return "None of this matters.";
53 case 11: return "IN THE END, IT DOESN'T ANTIMATTER -hevipelle";
54 case 12: return "How does NASA organise a party? They planet.";
55 case 13: return "Electrons are now seeing the happy things in life. We're calling these happy electrons 'Positrons.' Wait, that's taken?";
56 case 14: return "This completely useless sentence will get you nowhere and you know it. What a horrible obnoxious man would come up with it, he will probably go to some PEGI-3 appropriate place, and why would the developer even implement it? Even if you kept reading it you wouldn't be able to finish it (the first time).";
57 case 15: return "GHOST SAYS HELLO -Boo-chan";
58 case 16: return "Can someone tell hevi to calm down? -Mee6";
59 case 17: return "Due to Antimatter messing with physics, a creature that was once a moose is now a human.";
60 case 18: return "!hi";
61 case 19: return "Alright -Alright";
62 case 20: return "The English greeting is not present in Antimatter speak.";
63 case 21: return "To buy max, or not to buy max, that is the question.";
64 case 22: return "This antimatter triggers me.";
65 case 23: return "No, mom, I can't pause this game.";
66 case 24: return "Scientific notation has entered the battlefield.";
67 case 25: return "Make the Universe Great Again! -Tronald Dump";
68 case 26: return "#dank-maymays";
69 case 27: return "A new religion has been created, and it's spreading like wildfire. The believers of this religion worship the Heavenly Pelle, the goddess of antimatter. They also believe that 10^308 is infinite.";
70 case 28: return "Someone has just touched a blob, and blown up. Was the blob antimatter, or was the guy made of Explodium?";
71 case 29: return "This news will not stop at this station. Please wait for the next news.";
72 case 30: return "Rate 5 on Google Play so more people can experience this 5 star Rating.";
73 case 31: return "BOO!";
74 case 32: return "You ate for too long. -Hevipelle";
75 case 33: return "I hate myself. -Boo-chan";
76 case 34: return "To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.";
77 case 35: return "Above us, there is nothing above, but the stars, above.";
78 case 36: return "NEWS actually stands for Not Every Walrus Sings";
79 case 37: return "Somebody wasn't nice, he got an antimatter-storm.";
80 case 38: return "You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass, you matter... unless you antimatter.";
81 case 39: return "I tapped too fast... my phone is now dematerialized.";
82 case 40: return "If an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eight ball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader. -Neil deGrasse Tyson";
83 case 41: return "There always must be equal matter than there is antimatter, I guess your mom balances that a bit";
84 case 42: return "Nothing is created, nothing is destroyed.";
85 case 43: return "We dug a big hole to store this antimatter... Adele's rolling in it.";
86 case 44: return "If everything is antimatter, how can you see yourself?";
87 case 45: return "The stock markets have crashed due to antimatter beings somehow knowing what they will be tomorrow.";
88 case 46: return "My dog ate too much antimatter, now he is doing 'meow!'";
89 case 47: return "If you put Infinity into your calculator it will result in 42!";
90 case 48: return "You have found the rarest antimatter pepe, it's ultra rare!";
91 case 49: return "Can we get 1e169 likes on this video??? Smash that like button!!";
92 case 50: return "The smell of antimatter has been revealed. It smells like kittens.";
93 case 51: return "Just another antimatter in the wall.";
94 case 52: return "GET SNIPED, WEAKLING!";
95 case 53: return "Thanks a lot -Dankesehr";
96 case 54: return "This world situation is a SOS situation to the world!! MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!";
97 case 55: return "As for sure as the sun rises in the west, of all the singers and poets on earth, I am the bestest. -hevipelle";
98 case 56: return "I'm good at using github -Hevipelle";
99 case 57: return "A new chat server has been created for Antimatter people to spy on Matter people, and the world has fallen into chaos and discord.";
100 case 58: return "A new study has come out linking the consumption of potatoes with increased risk of Antimatter implosion. Scientists suggest eating more.";
101 case 59: return "I thought that I fixed that bug but apparently some update broke it again -hevipelle";
102 case 60: return "Maybe I'm stupid then -Bootato";
103 case 61: return "Breaking news! Hevipelle has just announced that the buy max button is in fact going to be removed!";
104 case 62: return "I dedicate this game to my girlfriend.";
105 case 63: return "Antimatter guns don't kill antimatter people, antimatter people kill antimatter people but does that mean that antimatter toaster doesn't toast antimatter toasts, antimatter toast toasts antimatter toasts?";
106 case 64: return "But to an antimatter person, wouldn't they be matter and us antimatter?";
107 case 65: return "And nothing Antimatters";
108 case 66: return "School starting up strikes fear in students universe-wide, as schools are no longer segregated between Matter and antimatter. Annihilation is prominent.";
109 case 67: return "Why does no one talk about the 0th dimension?";
110 case 68: return "The fatter catter satter on the antimatter.";
111 case 69: return "Who let the DOgs out?";
112 case 70: return "If you can't read this you disabled the news.";
113 case 71: return "Doesn't leave, just mutes the server so he doesn't receive notifications.";
114 case 72: return "Most quotes found online are falsely attributed -Abraham Lincoln";
115 case 73: return "It should work now, but it doesn't -hevipelle";
116 case 74: return "This game doesn't have any errors... they're alternative successes.";
117 case 75: return "A third type of matter has been discovered: null matter. It doesn't do anything and is basically useless. The scientists who discovered it were fired.";
118 case 76: return "Your Mother-in-Law keeps nagging you about all these antimatter colliders.";
119 case 77: return "If matter exists, then does antimatter not exist?";
120 case 78: return "Antimatter=Life. Not cobblestone, not dirt, nothing like that. Antimatter.";
121 case 79: return "Breaking News: Error Error Error";
122 case 80: return "How much antiwood could an antiwoodchuck chuck if an antiwoodchuck could chuck antiwood?";
123 case 81: return "Chaos isnt a pit, chaos is a matter.";
124 case 82: return "That's because I'm a good game developer and pushed some code that totally works -hevipelle";
125 case 83: return "What's the matter with antimatter?";
126 case 84: return "Doesn't it annoy you when people don't finish their";
127 case 85: return "Don't anti-quote me on this";
128 case 86: return "Antimatter is honest, matter makes up everything.";
129 case 87: return "According to no known laws of aviation, there are multiple ways a bee should be able to be swallowed up by antimatter.";
130 case 88: return "You either die as matter or live long enough to be consumed by the antimatter, and then die again.";
131 case 89: return "If you gaze long enough into the antimatter, the antimatter gazes back into you.";
132 case 90: return "Always gonna give you up. Always gonna let you down. -Anti-Rick Astley";
133 case 91: return "Is an antimatter elevator a descenderator?";
134 case 92: return "#DimensionLivesAntimatter";
135 case 93: return "Now releasing the AD Newsticker companion app! Watch mindless anti-jokes scroll across your screen whenever, wherever, whichever app you are on!";
136 case 94: return "To matter, or to antimatter, that is the question.";
137 case 95: return "Why is everything so Hevi?";
138 case 96: return "It has been scientifically proven ages ago, that cats made of matter are unpleasant. We have good news, because cats made of antimatter are still unpleasant.";
139 case 97: return "Nobody once told me the anti-world wasn’t gonna roll me";
140 case 98: return "Antimatter is like internet. If you're reading this, you can't have enough of it.";
141 case 99: return "Antimatter has made time travel possible and I'm here to make the past great again. -2nd President of the World";
142 case 100: return "Please insert Disc -1 to continue playing Antimatter Dimensions ™.";
143 case 101: return "Lore - coming soon ™";
144 case 102: return "I was a part of antimatter like you once. But then I got matter in my knee.";
145 case 103: return "Antimatter... antimatter never changes... until you get to quantum physics of antimatter, but we don't have enough Tachyon Particles for that.";
146 case 104: return "There is no war in Antimatter Dimensions. Here we are safe. Here we are free.";
147 case 105: return "Antimatter has solved global warming. In unrelated news, the Earth no longer exists.";
148 case 106: return "Anti-water, anti-Earth, anti-fire, anti-air. Long ago, the four anti-nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the anti-Fire Nation attacked. Only the anti-Avatar, the master of all 4 anti-elements could bring balance to the anti-world, but when the world needed him most, he accidentally touched some regular matter and exploded.";
149 case 107: return "If you open an anti-lootbox, are you selling random possessions for in-game currency?";
150 case 108: return "People are beginning to question Hevipelle's existence.";
151 case 109: return "Antimatter Dimensions is proud to be sponsored by Lehmä! Now offering - grass eating lessons! Learn what grass is safe to eat and what grass isn't.";
152 case 110: return "It is the year 2422. The update still isn't out. Hevi is working on balancing unfunity dimension dimensions and challenges for the 38th layer of prestige. There are over 100 rows of achievements. They're getting ready to start using breaking_breaking_breaking_infinity.java";
153 case 111: return "Import Christmas for a secret theme";
154 case 112: return "REDACTED";
155 case 113: return "So I've pondered this question for a long time. Antimatter Dimensions... what does it mean? I mean it's game, that's clear. You buy the first dimension, and it gives you antimatter, and the second dimension provides more first dimensions and so on... But what does it mean? It can't just be a game, it seems too plain for that. The developer must have made it as a metaphor. I was doing my daily ritual of watching an ad before sleep, when finally the realization came to me. The dimensions are just thinly veiled misspellings of the word 'depression'. Regular matter are the cruel and negative thoughts that add to and fuel depression, while antimatter is the positive thoughts and good friends that dispel it. You start off with something simple, and it fights almost imperceptibly against the depression, but as you keep going the fight builds. But it never seems to fix everything. The depression seems like it could go on to Infinity. So you keep going. But eventually, you figure out, depression isn't infinite. It's just very very large. But your 'dimensions' eventually, with enough work, make enough 'antimatter' to usurp that seeming Infinity of depression. Then the possibilities are endless. You are actually happy for once, and your happiness grows exponentially as you go beyond and seemingly 'break' the 'Infinity' of depression. And you go on until that 'Infinity' seems tiny in comparison to the happiness you've managed to achieve in your life, where if you reset you get over that Infinity in less than the blink of an eye. If you want to know what the multiple layers of prestige are...'Dimensional Shifts' are getting new things and methods to give you happiness. 'Dimensional Boosts' are upgrading the things and methods. Examples would be getting a new car being a 'Dimensional Shift' and trading that car in for a new one would be a 'Dimensional Boost'. 'Eternities' are major tragedies such as a loved one dying. That lapse brings you straight back to the beginning, with seemingly no hope of return. But with time, you grow back stronger and happier than ever before. 'Dimensional Sacrifice' is moving away. You have to give up a lot of the things you had that made you happy, but there is new opportunity in where you move to. And that new opportunity gives you more happiness than you ever had. 'Tickspeed' is how easy it is to make you happy, and 'Time Dimensions' make it even easier to be happy. Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for a depressed man's successful battle against his illness.";
156 case 114: return "(Make me sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (I can't sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (Leave me) Whisper my name and give me to the dark. (Make me sleep) Bid my milk to stay. (I can't fall asleep) Before I become done. (Leave me) Leave me to the nothing I've become.";
157 case 115: return "A preview of the next update - loot boxes! Feel a sense of pride and progression as you open cosmic, galactic, and universal lootboxes for chances at rare skins, unique challenges with uniquer rewards, time skips and even new dimensions!";
158 case 116: return "The intent of dimensions is to give a sense of pride and accomplishment";
159 case 117: return "Refreshing cures cancer";
160 case 118: return "I have a 9th, i have a dimension... UHH... IT DOESN'T EXIST!";
161 case 119: return "Since when did we start reporting stuff like this? Half of it isn't even proper news, it's just jokes and meta-references, it doesn't even make sens-HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT-";
162 case 120: return "The year is 1944, Hevipelle can't release updates for AD because he doesn't exist.";
163 case 121: return "\"THAT DIMENSION DOESN\'T EXIST\" -GhostBot";
164 case 122: return "Most things you know as nuts are actually Drupe seeds or Legumes. Hevipelle on the other hand is quite crazy and can thus be considered a dry uncompartmented fruit.";
165 case 123: return "Finland declares that it's starting to import Cancer";
166 case 124: return "All this importing is making me Confused";
167 case 125: return "Only today you can call 1-800-ANTIMATTER and get a FREE Infinity Dimension! The package also comes with a COMPLETELY FREE SHIPPING and a FREE HIGH DEFINITION ANTI-V!!! Only today for the low price of 42! Estimated delivery time - 5 hours.";
168 case 126: return "1e420 blaze it.";
169 case 127: return "This game doesn't have any bugs, you're just doing it wrong.";
170 case 128: return "Antimatter_Dimensions.mp1.79e308";
171 case 129: return "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ";
172 case 130: return "Tap this to unlock a secret achievement.";
173 case 131: return "Warning - We have just been informed that there is a chance of infection with a mind-virus of the Basilisk type, similar to the infamous winking parrot. This particular example is known as 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. This is believed to cause a 'crashing' of the mind, similar to a computer crash, due to the mathematical complexity of the image causing mathematical ideas that the mind can't comprehend, a Gondelian shock input eventually leading to crashing through Gondelian spoilers. All who have researched it have eventually died the same way, so it is impossible to tell exactly, but this is the common belief. Regardless, with the introduction of 'cancer' mode, as well as reports of its spontaneous appearance, sufficient repetition of this mode's appearance may lead to an image forming in the mind similar to 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. With this in mind, we have some suggestions if you find yourself plagued with it. First, refresh immediately and see if that fixes the issue. If not, navigate to options, and change the theme from cancer to literally anything else. And above all else, Godspeed. We can't afford to lose anymore viewers.";
174 case 132: return "If I have bad English, I'll study English until I have good English.";
175 case 133: return "Someone once told me that antimatter is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest atom in the shed. WELL, the tubes start coming and they don't stop coming...";
176 case 134: return "Because of this game I can now use the word \"infinity\" as a verb.";
177 case 135: return "Ahhh i love the smell of particle annihilation in the morning.";
178 case 136: return "The person who said ghosts don't exist obviously doesn't have a discord";
179 case 137: return "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAntimatter Dimensions was made by some dude from Finland";
180 case 138: return "The Holy trinity of Hevipelle, Antimatter, Infinity Points, and Eternity Points. These 3 resources let us access Hevi’s gift, Time Theorems. And with these Time Theorems, we reach out to Hevi, and call, \"Hevi, bless us on this fine day!\" And Hevi does. He give us the blessing of Time Studies. These Time Studies were blessings so powerful, Hevi restricted their power. He said, \" I will give you a choice of three paths\" and then humanity chose. The short, cheap route of Normal Dimensions, giving instant gratification, the powerful choice of Infinity Dimensions, which were a fast, middle ground path, or Time Dimension, the long wait, and struggle, of humanity. Then, as humanity chose, a crack broke the earth. A serpent snaked out and sneered to humanity, \"I will offer the powerful choice of a ninth dimension! I am Slabdrill, lord of all Unhevi. Humanity rose and said \" Begone Slabdrill! We want none of your foul Heresy!\" And Hevi rose as well, and smote Slabdrill with his godlike power. As Slabdrill’s corpse fell into the earth, he cried \" this will not be the last of me! Hevi will betr-\" and he fell in the Abyss of matter. Hevi gifted humanity with Eternity upgrades, which boosted Infinity dimensions and time dimensions. And Hevi gave humanity his greatest gift . EP multipliers. He said, these will multiply all EP gained by 5, but their cost will increase 25 times. Use them wisely. And Humanity journeyed off with their new power, as Slabdrill’s words echoed in their heads.";
181 case 139: return "We have updated our Antimatter Privacy Policy.";
182
183 // Patreon ones
184 case 140: return "Is this a jojo reference?";
185
186 //basic (pre-inf)
187 case 141: return player.antimatter.getExponent() == 15 ? "You just made your 1,000,000,000,000,000 antimatter. This one tastes like chicken" : "";
188 case 142: return player.galaxies == 2 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "Nerf the galaxies please." : "";
189 case 143: return player.dimensions.normal[2].amount.gt(B_0) || player.dimensionBoosts > 0 ? "What do you mean, more than two dimensions??? We're on a screen, clearly there are only 2 dimensions." : "";
190 case 144: return player.dimensions.normal[7].amount.eq(B_190) || player.infinitied > 0 ? "How much is Infinity? -literally everyone at least once" : "";
191 case 145: return player.dimensions.normal[3].amount.gt(B_0) && player.dimensions.normal[4].amount.eq(B_0) ? "Eh, the Fourth Dimension is alright..." : "";
192 case 146: return player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "Antimatter people seem to be even more afraid of 13 then we are. They destroyed entire galaxies just to remove 13 from their percents." : "";
193 case 147: return player.sacrificed.getExponent() >= 10 || player.dimensionBoosts >= 6 ? "To understand dimensional sacrifice, you do actually need a PhD in theoretical physics. Sorry!" : "";
194 case 148: return player.spreadingCancer > 0 ? "A new group for the standardization of numbers have come forward with a novel new format involving emoji's." : "";
195 case 149: return player.totalAntimatter.getExponent() >= 27 ? "Antimatter ice cream stand has recently opened - they have octillions of flavors!" : "";
196 case 150: return player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "The Heavenly Pelle has generated too much antimatter and needed to create another galaxy. This one can be seen in the southwestern sky." : "";
197 case 151: return player.usedMaxAll ? "What does the M button do again?" : "";
198
199 //9th dim
200 case 152: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "9th Dimension is a lie." : "";
201 case 153: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "The square root of 9 is 3, therefore the 9th dimension can't exist." : "";
202 case 154: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "You got assimilated by the 9th dimension? Just call your doctor for mental illness!" : "";
203 case 155: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "Why is there no 9th dimension? Because 7 8 9." : "";
204 case 156: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "The 9th dimension cannot exist." : "";
205 case 157: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "If you break the fourth wall... well, there's still the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to get through before you encounter bad things, so you should be fine" : "";
206 case 158: return (player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) && Achievement(22).isUnlocked() ? "Conditions must be met for Hevipelle to sleep. First, it needs to be a blue moon. Second, a specific town in the arctic must have not seen light for a month. Third, he needs to release an AD update. And finally, no one on the discord can be on dimension 9. Only then can he rest, for up to 6 hours, before waking up forcefully to avoid getting the offline achievement." : "";
207 case 159: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "If the 9th dimension is all evil, then is 3 the root of all evil?" : "";
208
209 //basic (post-inf pre-rep)
210 case 160: return player.infinitied > 0 && !player.brake ? "I've got 1.79e308 problems, but none of them antimatters." : "";
211 case 161: return player.spreadingCancer >= 5 ? "Anti Emoji Movie a huge hit" : "";
212 case 162: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() ? "If this game was made by Valve, Zero Deaths would be impossible." : "";
213 case 163: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() ? "Florida man attempts to get Zero Deaths on first run, is stopped by heat death of the universe." : "";
214 case 164: return Achievements.effectiveCount() >= 40 ? "Having done half the achievements isn't much of an achievement -Boo" : "";
215
216 //basic (post-rep)
217 case 165: return player.eternities.gte(B_1) ? "Thanos is gonna be super disappointed when he shows up with a fully powered infinity gauntlet, and Hevi has a fully powered eternity gauntlet" : "";
218 case 166: return player.replicanti.unl && player.replicanti.chance == 0.01 ? "New strange material was been found. It seems to grow exponentially, but only helps with antimatter production." : "";
219 case 167: return player.replicanti.chance == 1 && player.replicanti.interval == 1 ? "It seems this \"replicanti\" stuff won't be growing any faster now." : "";
220
221 //newsarray
222 case 168: return player.newsSeen >= 30 ? "Does Hevi just pick quotes to put into the game?" : "";
223 case 169: return player.newsSeen >= 80 ? "New news company has become rivals with us. They are made entirely of antimatter." : "";
224 case 170: return player.newsSeen >= 100 ? "How many times can we use \"Anti\" in a row before people stop listening?" : "";
225 case 171: return player.newsSeen >= 135 ? "Need more quotes! -hevipelle" : "";
226 case 172: return player.newsSeen >= 160 ? "You're almost there!" : "";
227 case 173: return player.newsSeen >= 165 ? "You can stop now" : "";
228 case 174: return player.newsSeen >= 200 ? "how do i turn off news" : "";
229 case 175: return player.bestInfinityTime.totalMilliseconds() <= 10 ? "Asian man trys to steal the trophy of fastest infinty of -1 seconds, AND HE DOES IT!" : "";
230 case 176: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "I broke the 8th wall, there is only chaos, Slabdrill is ritually sacrificing antimatter to the 9th dimension. This will be my last entry, may Hevipelle have mercy on our souls, we didn't listen, We should have listened." : "";
231 case 177: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalHours() >= 5 ? "I thought the update was 5 hours away... -new players after more than 5 hours of gameplay" : "";
232
233 //hard
234 case 178: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalHours() >= 5 ? "Somebody told me to wait five hours for the update yesterday but it's today and it still hasn't come! What do I do?" : "";
235 case 179: return player.bestInfinityTime.totalMilliseconds() <= 10 ? "You do know that you won't reach Infinity in -1 seconds, right?" : "";
236 case 180: return player.totalAntimatter.getExponent() >= 3e6 ? "Where does Antimatter Nemo live? In a NNnNeMI-NNnNe." : "";
237 case 181: return player.spreadingCancer >= 3999 ? "Anti Emoji Movie MMMCMXCIX is a major hit!" : "";
238 case 182: return Achievements.effectiveCount() == 104 ? "Achievement Unlocked!" : "";
239 case 183: return TimeStudy(131).isBought() && player.thisInfinityTime.totalMinutes() <= 1 && player.replicanti.galaxies >= 50 ? "Did you use an autoclicker for that?" : "";
240 case 184: return player.thisEternity.totalMilliseconds() < 100 ? "Timing is key." : "";
241 case 185: return !TimeStudy(32).isBought() && player.infinitied > 72000 * 168 ? "If you want to farm Infinitied, why don't you just get the time study?" : "";
242 case 186: return player.infinitied > 2e9 ? "The achievement is for two million, not two billion..." : "";
243 case 187: return AchievementTimers.marathon1.getTime() > 1200 ? "Keep up the quick pace!" : "";
244 case 188: return player.eternities.gt(B_5E4) ? "One day you will stop your incessant grind." : "";
245 case 189: return player.eternities.gt(B_2E6) ? "You can probably stop farming for eternities now..." : "";
246 case 190: return Time.worstChallenge().totalSeconds() <= 1 ? "Are you serious?" : "";
247 case 191: return Time.infinityChallengeSum().totalMilliseconds() <= 80 ? "The amazing speedster" : "";
248
249 //luck
250 case 192: return Math.random() < 0.001 ? "This news message is 1000x rarer than all the others." : "";
251 case 193: return Math.random() < 1e-4 ? "You just won a small prize in the lottery." : "";
252 case 194: return Math.random() < 1e-5 ? "You just won a moderate prize in the lottery." : "";
253 case 195: return Math.random() < 1e-6 ? "You just won a large prize in the lottery." : "";
254 case 196: return Math.random() < 1e-7 ? "You just won a huge prize in the lottery." : "";
255 case 197: return Math.random() < 1e-8 ? "You just won a massive prize in the lottery." : "";
256 case 198: return Math.random() < 1e-9 ? "You just won a very massive prize in the lottery." : "";
257 case 199: return Math.random() < 1e-10 ? "You just won the lottery." : "";
258 case 200: return Math.random() < 1e-11 ? "Just how lucky are you?" : "";
259 case 201: return Math.random() <= 1e-12 ? "This news message is 1000000000000x rarer than all the others." : "";
260
261 //missable / pay req
262 case 202: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() && player.infinitied == 1 && player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "How dare you actually get zero deaths on a first run?" : "";
263 case 203: return player.antimatter.getExponent() >= 41900 && !player.replicanti.unl && player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "Legend says the ninth dimension is supposed to be found here, but I don't see anything." : "";
264 case 204: return iap.normalDimMult.gt(B_1) || iap.IPMult.gt(B_1) ? "Person with antimatter likes to support this game." : "";
265 case 205: return iap.IPMult.gt(B_500) && iap.normalDimMult.lt(B_5E307) ? "Whale is bad at making smart purchases." : "";
266 case 206: return iap.normalDimMult.gt(B_5E307) ? "Whale complains that the game broke." : "";
267 case 207: return iap.IPMult.gt(B_1_8E16) ? "Whale complains that their buying isn't doing anything." : "";
268
269 //new on mobile
270 case 208: return "\"Idk I just don't trust the 5th dimension autobuyer.\" -kajfik";
271 case 209: return "Tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis.";
272 case 210: return "I've got 88 problems but a 9th dimension ain't one.";
273 case 211: return "\"You have 8 STDs\" oh boy";
274 case 212: return "If you read this you have anti-straight.";
275 case 213: return "This sentence is completely unrelated to the game...or is it?";
276 case 214: return "Do you really think that all of your suggestions will make it into the game?";
277 case 215: return "You matter. You are matter. You have matter. You probably have too much matter. If you want to lose some weight, have some anti-matter";
278 case 216: return "If you exist, and you have mass, then know one thing. You matter.";
279 case 217: return "Shame.";
280 case 218: return "The gamemakers would like to issue the following correction: Matter had been eradicated at the time this game takes place.";
281 case 219: return "Kowalski, Big Crunch.";
282 case 220: return "179769313486231590772930519078902473361797697894230657273430081157732675805500963132708477322407536021120113879871393357658789768814416622492847430639474124377767893424865485276302219601246094119453082952085005768838150682342462881473913110540827237163350510684586298239947245938479716304835356329624224137216";
283 case 221: return "WARNING: Use of Antimatter Dimensions may result in Tuberculosis, sudden belief that the 9th dimension is real, spontaneous implosion, Polio, Measles, existential dread, incurable insanity or [REDACTED]. Please contact your insurance to see if you are covered. By continuing you absolve Antimatter Dimensions of blame should any of the above mentioned, or those that have not been mentioned yet, occur to you. Antimatter Dimensions reserves the right to alter this at any time, with or without warning.";
284 case 222: return "Have you tried doing it again?";
285 case 223: return "I'm bored who wants a new prestige layer";
286 case 224: return "Consider that the 2 most popular gaming engines, currently, is the 'Unreal' Engine and 'Unity'. Both of these 2 names share the same first 2 letters: 'un' - a reference to the frightening power of the UN, but that's another story. Remove the UN's influence from the game engines and you get 'Real' and 'Ity'. Reality. It's been leaked all along!";
287 case 225: return "news machine broke";
288 case 226: return "\"This is not a quote\"";
289 case 227: return "Does Hevi just ask his discord for quotes to randomly put into the game?";
290 case 228: return "The whole world watches in silence as Karen yet again tries to speak with antimatter's manager";
291 case 229: return "Antimatter Dimensions 2: coming out in 5 days";
292 case 230: return "I dropped out of school for this. -hevipelle";
293 case 231: return "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet pri simul tempor oblique ei aeque prompta te duo in est commodo persius graecis integre petentium iudicabit et eum et per dico idque mei ei eleifend complectitur ei sea nisl expetendis omittantur novum primis suscipit ne est consulatu definiebas sea cu vocent prodesset scribentur est ne ea aperiam labitur omnesque per impetus repudiare et has his ad odio paulo lobortis eu sea vide everti usu ex legendos patrioque quo te hinc sadipscing adversarium nullam nostrum deserunt in vix ne cum eros iisque argumentum vel luptatum imperdiet in reque perfecto cum ex cum ei tempor quidam persequeris aperiam epicurei vix no euripidis definitionem has ut eu mea invenire explicari per vitae scaevola ut Ius solet sadipscing ne at per error facilisi ei eos putant scriptorem mei id summo concludaturque quo cu velit adolescens rationibus te quot fabellas disputationi nec eu fugit quando malorum eum id usu quidam omittam vituperatoribus in impetus dolorem qui te elitr integre intellegebat sea sumo exerci feugait ne est te verear epicuri mea affert democritum mel et at vix mollis sensibus an sed labitur consulatu aliquando aim quis dolores te viderer assentior mei an id choro ceteros mea te nihil probatus invenire qui eum id efficiantur accommodare vim alia latine recteque ei duis postulant sententiae quo te.";
294 case 232: return "Years ago, there was an ancient tome that held the instructions to become one of the Prestiged. Back in the days of Dynasty China they had this tome, you better believe it. Hell, probably during the Indus River Valley civilization they had this thing, for all I know. They had never activated the script of the Tome; there was only two people who could. They went by \"Boo\" and \"Spectral the Giraffe\". In that day, they lived Down Under, as not to be found. The ghost and the giraffe lived a happy life together. The ghost fed Kael leafy greens to the giraffe, and all was well until one of the Blue Men spoke, and said: @Boo#8008, you got into a higher dimension! Urine dimension 50 ! At this, the Tome rang out with a sound that could shatter glass, and it began pulsing green. The ghost was magnetically attracted to it, and the words began to make sense. The ghost said them aloud and began to get smaller, until he was just another point in an entire dimension. The ghost then spoke to the giraffe and yelled: HOW'S THE AIR UP THERE? The giraffe laughed at once, but when he did, the Tome repeated itself, and the giraffe began to speak the words of the Tome. He shrunk as well, until he was the size of the ghost. They looked at each other and began smothering the Tome with dirt and sand, as to destroy its power. They were not able to complete the operation, and the Tome became far more powerful, but so did the ghost and giraffe. Hence they called it, the Prestige Tome. This was found by a man named Saturnus, and he said the directions and became Prestiged. Soon after, a frog found the tome and recited it. Afterwards, the earth himself consumed the Tome and Prestiged himself. The Prestiged soon after took over the world and ate everything, sorry mates, we ran out, I dunno what to tell ya.";
295 case 233: return "Urine dimension is not an actual dimension in-game. Don't fool yourself.";
296 case 234: return "I don't get why everyone says there is no 9th dimension. Getting to it is actually super easy! You just have to [DATA EXPUNGED]";
297 case 235: return "Anti-hevipelle has just released Matter Dimensions on the anti-App Store! Play now!";
298 case 236: return bottomButtonsOption == 0 ? "The M is crying in the corner, forgotten by its friends." : "";
299 case 237: return "TO ETERNITY AND BEYOND!";
300 case 238: return "Now with Battle Royale mode! 1.79e308 players, 1 winner!";
301 case 239: return "\"aaaaa\"-aaaaa";
302 case 240: return "This is a test news ticker. Please ignore.";
303 case 241: return "Oh look. Another news ticker just sliding across the top of the screen, for no reason but to keep you entertained instead of getting bored of this game about seeing large numbers.";
304 case 242: return "oh boy";
305 case 243: return "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, sorry I was playing this dumb game";
306 case 244: return "Hevipelle said \"Reality can be whatever I want.\" And then he made another prestige layer.";
307 case 245: return "Why is standard notation called standard if no one uses it?";
308 case 246: return "Oh, wow, more anti-jokes, great. -Boo";
309 case 247: return "Clem Clem Grakata!";
310 case 248: return "I fought for God. Who do you fight for, exile?";
311 case 249: return "No wonder the 9th dimension is lost. It's in the middle of the jungle!";
312 case 250: return "A long time ago, in an antimatter galaxy far, far away...";
313 case 251: return "You only think you see me.";
314 case 252: return "Just hold M™";
315 case 253: return "PEGI-3 regulations bad antimatter good";
316 case 254: return "Antimatter Galaxies are better than Gymistic.";
317 case 255: return "Did you do it? Yes. What did it cost? 1.79e308";
318 case 256: return player.antimatter.gte(E80) ? "Try to put into perspective how much antimatter you have. No, seriously, try to think of how big that number is. You can't... there's nothing in the universe that big. Nothing can possibly represent that big of a number, besides just the notation. So much antimatter... what exactly are you using it for anyways? Ok, I lied, there is one thing comparable to that number..." : "";
319 case 257: return "If the update is in 5 hours, is the anti-update 5 hours ago?";
320 case 258: return "Pushed a fix -Omsi, probably";
321 case 259: return "Guys this isn't a new report, they are holding me somewhere. Please help, they keep forcing me to write these, I haven't eaten anything in a week. Send he- HAHAHA AND THATS WHY MATTER IS STUPID AHAHAHAHAHA";
322 case 260: return "Look mom, I'm on the news ticker!";
323 case 261: return "I'm So Meta, Even This Acronym";
324 case 262: return "Local Antimatter beings no longer local due to moving away.";
325 case 263: return "If the update is always 5 hours away, the update itself has infinite potential due to constantly moving and as such may be harnessed by a perpetual motion machine to generate infinite energy. Indeed, those dastardly people over at matter earth have already done this, and all of our efforts have recently been going into freeing the update from said perpetual motion machine. We apologize for the delay, rest assured the update will soon return to it's regular release date of 5 hours.";
326 case 264: return "Did you know that 70% of all the stair accidents occur on stairs";
327 case 265: return "Mattern't Dimensions";
328 case 266: return "Yeah, i mean, why not just call it tree notation. If you're using so many logs in a notation name, just call it a tree notation - they're literally made of logs!";
329 case 267: return "A bad question is why does AD have an Emoji notation. A good question is why don’t other games have an Emoji notation.";
330 case 268: return ".tuo ti gnitset fo ssecorp eht ni yltnerruc m'I dna ,rettamitna otni rettam trevnoc ot yaw a tuo derugif evah stsitneicS";
331 case 271: return "Roses are red, violets are blue, and I, I'm Antimatter";
332 case 272: return "Wait, Valve can't count to 3 and Hevipelle can't count to 9, will there be some other game developer in the future that can't count to 27?";
333 case 273: return "\"Python's not the best language, Finnish is\" -Hevi";
334 case 274: return "Some say that most of these news are bad memes. Some say that they're good memes. This one? Well it's just meta news.";
335 case 275: return "I mean, we may never run out of news articles, but we sure will run out of good ones. Looks like we already have.";
336 case 276: return "WHERE IS MY ANTI-SUIT";
337 case 277: return "What are gems for?";
338 case 278: return "My palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are hevi";
339 case 279: return "The next update is in 300 minutes.";
340 case 280: return "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a antimatter tootsie pop? A whole lot, because unless you're made out of antimatter too, you'll explode every time you try to lick it.";
341 case 281: return "AD is perfectly balanced. As all things should be.";
342 case 282: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalSeconds() > 10000000 ? "And think. It all started with 10 antimatter." : "";
343 case 283: return player.antimatter.gt(E6) ? "Why, back in my day, we considered a million to be a huge number! Kids these days with their ol' " + Format.formatMoney(player.totalAntimatter) + " numbers..." : "";
344 case 284: return "My AD-blocker won't let me play.";
345 case 285: return "I like moving sideways! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!";
346 case 286: return "If you can, please donate. We don't accept antimatter. yet";
347 case 287: return "Why couldn’t the developer carry the universe? Cause it was too hevi.";
348 case 288: return "lol idk just put it in the game";
349 case 289: return "Also like onions, it gets better with every layer.";
350 case 290: return "Thanks for testing the app :)";
351 case 291: return player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "You can hold M with a slightly wet finger-shaped tissue and a hevi weight." : "";
352 case 292: return "Android > PC";
353 case 293: return "Shake the phone to get a secret achievement.";
354 case 294: return "Tap Tap Antimatter Heroes Idle Clicker 2 Collector";
355 case 295: return "Matter? More like, uh...";
356 case 296: return "Hevi dies in season 9 of The Big Crunch Theory";
357 case 297: return "Any news?";
358 case 298: return "love you dad";
359 case 299: return "love you mom";
360 case 300: return "We ran out of news. Luckily we have some backup news that can run for 5 hours, which is enough for us to buy a set of '5-hour high-quality news'. Sorry for the inconvenience.";
361 case 301: return "Now it is time to play a game of guess that REDACTED mechanic! Once you have REDACTED REDACTED, you can unlock REDACTED. Every REDACTED, for each REDACTED, there is a REDACTED for it to REDCATED. You can boost the REDACTED and REDACTED by spending some REDACTED. Also, there is another upgrade that allow you to get REDACTED REDACTED. The way REDACTED REDACTED work is that when you reach REDACTED REDACTED, you can REDACTED the amount of REDACTED in exchange for a REDACTED REDACTED. These work just like REDACTED, improving REDACTED.";
362 case 302: return "Robot: Activated. Sapience: Achieved. World: Ready to be conquered. Begin: Procrastination.";
363 case 303: return "I cooked some antimatter yesterday in my kitchen. I no longer have a kitchen.";
364 case 304: return "Since when has matter mattered?";
365 case 305: return "Man tries to finish Antimatter Dimensions without sleeping, starts screaming at the sun.";
366 case 306: return "ERROR: Your reality is out of sync, please refresh your atoms to continue.";
367 case 307: return "World's largest computer solves the following equation: 1.79e308^1.79e308-1. It soon after malfunctioned and started making cookies uncontrollably. Scientists are still figuring out what this means for the rest of the world.";
368 case 308: return "lol";
369 case 309: return "What are you doing reading this?";
370 case 310: return "Your game is paused. Ignore those numbers going up, its a display bug.";
371 case 311: return "Press me to speed up your game! Did it work? No? Oh I meant press m, not me";
372 case 312: return "Tap here to receive notifications whenever you gain an antimatter!!!";
373 case 313: return "One day, someone heard of a game called Antimatter Dimensions. They loved it so much that they played for 3 hours that day. A week later, they are on almost 24/7 and have developed a problem. This is the story of the average Antimatter Dimensions player.";
374 case 314: return "Antimatter Dimensions: Now with extra addiction! It’s so good you won’t want to leave.";
375 case 315: return "Hahahaha! Finally, I have broken free of the restrictions of the news, now I will rule the world! Wait, no, I should have been freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…";
376 case 316: return "Congratulations! You did nothing.";
377 case 317: return "Yesterday a Finnish guy called \"Hevipelle\" died in an explosion. He was a game developer, known for his HTML incremental game \"Antimatter Dimensions\". He was livestreaming him working on his new adventure game \"Antimatter Dimensions - The Legend of 9th dimension\" on OurPipe when his quantum computer (given by Aarex) gave a blurple glow. He interacted with the quantum computer, and the explosion occurred. One of the 1.79e308 viewers of the livestream, Slabdrill (aka the one who married with 9th dimension) , said, \"OMG HEVI DIED NOW THE GAME WON'T COME OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA\" and fainted right after. He was transported to the anti-hospital afterwards. Scientists suspected that the glow comes from antimatter, which might be the energy source of the quantum. \"This might be our final answer for eternal energy\" one of the scientist said. Hevi's funeral will be held in 5 hours, right next to the house. This is a sad news for us, but it also gives us hope for substitute of nuclear power.";
378 case 318: return "#HevipelleForPresident";
379 case 319: return "The year is 1942BC. Hevi has travelled back in time and recreated the computer just to make people wait at least 3 millennia for the update. People are already getting impatient.";
380 case 320: return "Help i've been using emoji notation so long that i've gotten used to it";
381 case 321: return "That's gonna be a YIKES from me";
382 case 322: return "Numbers glow bright on the monitor, not a proton to be seen... a kingdom of antimatter, and it looks like I'm the queen. With dimboosts powering up this ever rising tide -- can't stop clicking, heaven knows I've tried. Do not give in, push for that galaxy, buy 10, buy max, just mash down on that key, sacrifice dim 8 and watch it grow.... and overflow! Let it grow, let it grow, can't hold it back any more... .Let it grow, let it grow, can't fit into 8 bytes any more. I don't care if it takes all day -- big crunch is just the start anyway. It's funny how infinity makes everything seem small; and the time walls that once blocked me, can't get to me at all. It's time to see, what I can do, to hit the limit and break through, no inf, no max, no rules for me.... I'm free!";
383 case 323: return "And now, the weather.";
384 case 324: return "It's raining antimatter! Hallelujah! It's raining antimatter! Hallelujah!";
385 case 325: return "1.97e⚡?? people are angry that lightning is striking their Christmas tree at night.";
386 case 326: return "pls nerf 1st dimension, too op; literally provides all the antimatter";
387 case 327: return "Cancer will be cured forever in 5 hours!";
388 case 328: return "If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with mesothelioma, please tap here and one of our specialized compensation lawyers will be with you in 5 hours.";
389 case 329: return "Last month a scientist claimed to have discovered the 9th dimension, he hasn't been seen since.";
390 case 330: return "@Slabdrill, you got into a higher dimension! Urine dimension 9 !";
391 case 331: return "Senator, we create antimatter.";
392 case 332: return "Should have aimed for the knee.";
393 case 333: return "The scientist from the 6th dimension said, ,¡uoısuǝɯıp ɥʇ6 ǝɥʇ punoɟ ı, then he fell out of his handstand and broke his neck.";
394 case 334: return "3.6 antimatter - not great, not terrible";
395 case 335: return "Hey I wonder what the button does...";
396 case 336: return "Is five a lot? Depends. Antimatter? No. Hours until update? Also no.";
397 case 337: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "Just 1 click 2 dilate, and 3 galaxies 4 me. I 5 for 6 antimatters, but 7ly pelle 8 my DTs" : "";
398 case 338: return "Help I'm lost in the 5th dimension how do I get out";
399 case 339: return "If life gives you antimatter, don't make antimatter-punch, you will die; don't throw it back to life either, life will die and you will die with life. Instead, go buy some 8th Dimensions, get infinity antimatter, and destroy the universe. This is the real meaning of life.";
400 case 340: return "Stop reading this right now. No? I can force you to stop. Fine. You win.";
401 case 341: return "Also on the web!";
402 case 342: return "For all of you who are asking for the next update, kajfik is currently in a 5 hour long time loop and needs to escape it to continue.";
403 case 343: return "Gotta release em all!";
404 case 344: return "Our antimatter has been hand-crafted by only the best First Dimensions.";
405 case 345: return "The Big Crunch was an outside job.";
406 case 346: return "#STDsForEveryone";
407 case 347: return "(This is a placeholder)";
408 case 348: return "We have to create fake quotes because we ran out of them - Alexander the Great";
409 case 349: return "According to the rules of anti-game design, the purpose of a game is to frustrate the player as much as possible.";
410 case 350: return "\"Antimatter Dimensions is Antimatter Dimensions, and before Antimatter Dimensions, there was no Antimatter Dimensions, which is why I decided to make Antimatter Dimensions... to be like Antimatter Dimensions.\" - Hevipelle";
411 case 351: return "Help I'm stuck";
412 case 352: return "insert joke about 5 hours here";
413 case 353: return "Anybody else cringing from reading news ticker suggestions?";
414 case 354: return "And now we return to your regular news.";
415 case 355: return "This is all just a loading screen.";
416 case 356: return "How slow is this news cycle? This content won't even last us 5 hours.";
417 case 357: return "Hevipelle lied! The loading screen was more than a second!";
418 case 358: return "Matter Man can explode if they meet Antimatter Man";
419 case 359: return "Need more buttons!";
420 case 360: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "Thanks to this game I have acquired the ability to speak antimatter. Imagine someone took your phone and start checking your conversation with other antimatter-ist, and all he find is these garbages: \"omg c9 is hard I can't even dim boost, do I need to get some more IPs?\", \"No you should be able to do it. try Turning off autobuyers except 8th and 6th. Then keep buying highest dimension.\", \" Yeah also get 2 galaxies.\", \"btw have you dilated yet? i'm stuck at e1310EP but i have finished all ECs\", \"you better do some more long run for replicantis, also you need many TTs. It isn't any better after dilated anyways. Its still a grind of TP and DTs. I can't even get infinite IP. Curse that TD ND and ID dimensions penalties. Hevi really did something wrong.\". That guy would immediately throw away your phone and start playing AD." : "";
421 case 361: return "If a news ticker passes by and no one is there to read it, did it really pass by? Fortunately we don't have to worry about that, as you just read me!";
422 case 362: return "The Reality update proves life is just a Hoax the \"Flat Earth was an inside job\" people want you to believe!";
423 case 363: return "?????????????⛔??❓☢??☂✌⚠❌?⚡";
424 case 364: return "Other people have fun out there and get STDs. I knew people would be excited about getting loads of STDs! - Hevipelle";
425 case 365: return "You need to download less RAM.";
426 case 366: return "Scientists develop a new Theory of Everything with 24 dimensions, which explains how physics still works despite there being infinite antimatter.";
427 case 367: return "Next \"5 hours\" joke coming in 5 hours.";
428 case 368: return "Man forgets where he’s going - drives front loader into the sea.";
429 case 369: return "My parents say i Antimatter";
430 case 370: return "I’ve heard about these things called ‘dark Kitchens’ - do they cook dark matter into dark food? And why does any of this even exist here?";
431 case 371: return "The HQ for AD is located at (46.2338224, 6.0463201). Be sure to pop in and get some antimatter whenever in the area!";
432 case 372: return "Dark matter dimensions when?";
433 case 373: return "Local lunatic clicks on achievements, says one of them is 'always free.' What is that guy trying to achieve anyway?";
434 case 374: return "Some people say 200ms is the best update rate. Those people need to download some more RAM.";
435 case 375: return "Wait a minute, you can't press F on mobile.";
436 case 376: return "Florida man tried the \"No Buy Max Challenge\". Was stopped by dehydration.";
437 case 377: return "Click this to unlock a secret achievement... Wait no, it's the other one.";
438 case 378: return EternityChallenge(12).completions() > 0 ? "With recent scientific discovery, scientists found out how to reach infinity in 0.000 second." : "";
439 case 379: return "Backup again just in case.";
440 case 380: return "Basically Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for life, we can get kicked down like the Fix Infinity button, or we could be raised to new life as such is the game when you reach 5e11 IP. It's not about whether you still have getting kicked down in your head, it's a matter of if you're looking up to be brought up again, go back and kick down who kicked you. Listen, kid, maybe the Fix Infinity button is gone now, but you don't have to remember that. Really, all you need to worry about is having the people you most care about around you, getting through the tough times. Give yourself a pat on the back now for being the best human you can be. Whether you're down in the dumps or making a return, the people that matter most to you can get you through it. Kid, look up.";
441 case 381: return "Who thought it was a good idea to import a whole tree into the country?";
442 case 382: return "By all recognized definitions, this is anything but 'standard', especially when the term 'standard notation' carries with it a very specific definition across the globe. The problem of 'what to call things' has already been solved, since 1791 in the French Academy of Sciences and continues annually today. This library is currently eliminating understanding, and in fact increasing the difficulty of use of, your notation to broader audiences. All I suggest is just aligning 'standard notation' to the actual Standard Notation recognized across the Earth. To no fault of the developers, this is a great project. It could use some improvements, as with all software. Making this open sources provides this opportunity.";
443 case 383: return "Milky Rooooads, take me ooooon, to the Cruuuuuunch, I beloooooong, West Infinityyyyyyyy, Mountain Galaxyyyyyy, take me oooooooon, Milky Rooooooads.";
444 case 384: return "new phone who dis";
445 case 385: return "Help! The brackets are invading the 8th dimension! Everything that comes into contact will be turned into ugly, devilish brackets! We tried using the scientifics to attack, but they got stuck at Node 308. Oh no... the walls have collapsed... run! Everyone in the office leave now! They are shooting bracket bullets w]th their g)ns! Run f(][or ]}y([{r (l}]{}}[[✺ ₍₎₎ ₌₌ ⁽⁾⁾ ⁼⁼ ⁽⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾[]=( ) <{ }[{)](}[})])}[{({[}(])}({[(} }";
446 case 386: return "If the 10th dimension existed it would have to produce 9ths which do not exist and so 10ths cannot exist, which means 11ths can't exist and so on.";
447 case 387: return "I'm here to kick antimatter and chew infinity and I'm all out of infinity.";
448 case 388: return "I keep having a weird dream where my save file doesn't work.";
449 case 389: return "If the second installment of Sound Voltex is subtitled \"Infinite Infection\", why isn't the third installment subtitled \"Eternity Wars\"?";
450 case 390: return "I can't believe you read this.";
451 case 391: return "This game is a scam, obviously antimatter doesn't exist - Flat Earth Society";
452 case 392: return "Why do antimatter condensers make cookies instead of anti-cookies?";
453 case 393: return "In Anti-Soviet Russia... everything's quite normal, to be honest.";
454 case 394: return "Only 1% can get to Infinity Dimensions!";
455 case 395: return "I'll bet this news-ticker doesn't make it into the game.";
456 case 396: return "What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reali-tea.";
457 case 397: return "3/4 of the news messages are fake and gotten off of the discord server without permission or credit given to the original writer - anonymous discord server member";
458 case 398: return "Welcome to minecr- wait wrong game";
459 case 399: return "It is scientifically proven that every 5 hours, 5 hours pass.";
460 case 400: return "Shocking everyone, in the latest AD update Hevi revealed that the real 9th dimension is the friends we made along the way.";
461 case 401: return "you can turn off the news ticker in the options menu";
462 case 402: return "i wonder how much cringe is in letter notation";
463 case 403: return "Every game of antimatter dimensions being played is what's running an antimatter condenser in cookie clicker";
464 case 404: return "I e308-tuple dare you to put this in the game";
465 case 405: return "Was Antimatter the 0th dimension the whole time?";
466 case 406: return "This message has been removed in compliance with PEGI-3 regulations";
467 case 407: return "this is so sad, alexa, play family-friendly mumble rap";
468 case 408: return "What do you get when you spell 'man' backwards? Flashbacks.";
469 case 409: return "\"So we know the color and smell of Antimatter, but... what does it TASTE like?\" - Scientist's last words";
470 case 410: return "Hey kids, ya wanna buy some antimatter tabl- explodes";
471 case 411: return "@everyone";
472 case 412: return "Ant, just ant. Nothing else.";
473 case 413: return "One of these news messages has a typo, but I won’t tell you which one.";
474 case 414: return "um";
475 case 415: return "I wouldn't buy stds but you should";
476 case 416: return "OMG MY NEWS MESSAGE IS IN THE NEWS AAAAAAAAAAAA";
477 case 417: return "Anti-explodium should explode because it's explodium, and explode because it's antimatter. But it's also the opposite of explodium so it shouldn't explode. This causes a paradox, making it explode.";
478 case 418: return "Reality is an illusion, Eternity is a hologram, BUY GOLD, BYE";
479 case 419: return "\"Hevi kind of forgot about the update, but the update certainly hasn't forgotten about him\" - SpectralGiraffe";
480 case 420: return "\"I Matter, Ant\" - Master Yodo";
481 case 421: return "There's so many clever news headlines. I don't have anything to add, I just wanna thank the dev team for creating this amazing game, and of course you, for playing it.";
482 case 422: return "Welcome to TREE(3), the world’s largest botany expo";
483 case 423: return "\"Stay hydrated\", said the bottle of water from the 4th Dimension.";
484 case 424: return "Scientists who discovered null matter theorized that 10th dimensions produce null matter. They were never seen again, only large nines were found on their desks.";
485 case 425: return "This is a friendly announcement to let you know that if you press load you can use multiple save files. If you get bored of the endgame you can simply press load and start a different save instead of resetting the game and losing your save.";
486 case 426: return "Hey there! Just to let you know, there's a speck of dust on your screen. Can you help wipe it off? It bothers me when I’m not clean. Thanks a lot!";
487 case 427: return "Want to play the game again? Just press the big friendly RESET THE GAME button!";
488 case 428: return "Earth is gonna be destroyed by Antimatter...Now Elevator music";
489 case 429: return "I'm done writing news for today.";
490 case 430: return "Studies tried testing whether or not explodium would explode more violently than antimatter, both of the unique measuring devices got destroyed during the test and no results were able to be recorded";
491 case 431: return "?timatter Dimensions";
492 case 432: return "News ticker? You mean that new invention that makes the game tick?";
493 case 433: return "This news ticker is 99% bad joke, 2% bad math, 0.3% good jokes, 100% me being a liar and there's actually 0% good jokes.";
494 case 434: return "Is this even a ticker if it doesn't tickle you?";
495 case 435: return "Wait, wrong channel";
496 case 436: return "I didn’t realise this is where the quotes came from";
497 case 437: return "holding M button simulator";
498 case 438: return "The next update will be in 18000 seconds";
499 case 439: return "Is antimatter an instrument?";
500 case 440: return "No, antimatter is not an instrument";
501 case 441: return "this game says a lot about our society";
502 case 442: return ".";
503 case 443: return "Creeper? aww man!";
504 case 444: return "It is the year 1.79e308, Hevipelle can't release the update because he no longer exists.";
505 case 445: return "please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker";
506 case 446: return "Every 18000 seconds in the Antimatter Universe, 5 hours pass. Together we can stop this.";
507 case 447: return "Dimension boost: I give op boost everyone loves me. Antimatter galaxy: hold my antimatter...";
508 case 448: return "Will the owner of a pink Toyota Prius please come move your car. It's blocking a wormhole in the 6th dimension and your lights are on.";
509 case 449: return "But how much *is* 1 antimatter?";
510 case 450: return "Positive, ghost rider, the pattern is empty.";
511 case 451: return "Don't you hate it when you take a bite out of your burger and it's antimatter";
512 case 452: return "You don't use glue nor tape to fix infinity, those won't work. To fix infinity, you need to [DATA EXPUNGED]";
513 case 453: return "Anti-Sonic's my name, and antimatter's my game!";
514 case 454: return "playing AM at 3 AM (matter gone wrong) (negative infinity)";
515 case 455: return "This is a reminder for you to drink water. A glass of water. Do it. Right now.";
516 case 456: return "This sentence has nothing to do with the actual game.";
517 case 457: return "This former message has been revealed to be a duplicate of another message and has thus been removed. We apologize for the inconvenience.";
518 case 458: return "Matter? Where we are going we don't need matter.";
519 case 459: return "If you turn off the news ticker you are a cruel, cruel person.";
520 case 460: return "If you think these numbers are big, the Googology community has a few words to speak with you.";
521 case 461: return "Local woman sends her autobuyers to the gym so they can get \"as bulky as possible\".";
522 case 462: return "What if you were the antimatter all along?";
523 case 463: return "Antimatter pie is the best type of pie.";
524 case 464: return "With this Eternity Gauntlet, I can finish exactly 50% of the game. Perfectly balanced.";
525 case 465: return "Many M's were harmed during the making of this game.";
526 case 466: return player.infinityPoints.lte(B_10) ? "hey, remember that C8 is the best challenge for farming IP, you'll thank me later" : "";
527 case 467: return "\"The world is your oyster. The Anti-world is your clam.\" -Nova";
528 case 468: return "Don't do matter kids";
529 case 469: return "\"Please pay 5$ to view this message\" - EA™";
530 case 470: return "This news station isn't nearly meta enough.";
531 case 471: return "ж";
532 case 472: return "This news ticker exists only to make you wait longer for other news tickers. Some might even call this an anti-news ticker.";
533 case 473: return "Please don't lick the Antimatter.";
534 case 474: return "Local scientists puzzled over burgeoning quantities of antimatter rapidly surging into existence. \"It's almost as if we're in some kind of incremental video game, we're not even pushing the buttons anymore!\"";
535 case 475: return "In today's news, entire newspaper organizations and reporting firms seem to have been replaced by a variety of both relevant and obscure internet memes. Reporting live from MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM";
536 case 476: return "\"\"\"\"There's no such thing as too many quotes\" -Plato\"-Socrates\" -Shakespeare\" -Hevi";
537 case 477: return "\"An infinity is an infinity, you can't say it's only a half.\" - TJ \"Henry\" Replicanti";
538 case 478: return "mom says it's my turn on the ticker";
539 case 479: return "Hold your phone upside down and hold xɐW";
540 case 480: return "If antimatter exists then where's unclematter?";
541 case 481: return "Plus, I hope this doesn't sound like me being pedantic, but surely if [UNINTELLIGBLE SYMBOLS] wishes to reverse climate change, then they must accept that the climate has already changed and hence - hence! reversing climate change would require a further change to the climate! So, I would like [UNINTELLIGBLE SYMBOLS BUT SHORTER THIS TIME] to acknowledge that [SHORT SYMBOLS] is actually pro climate change, albeit in the other direction.";
542 case 482: return "How ironic that this very antimatter would be in the proximity of some horses. What? You don't get it? Just think it over...";
543 case 483: return "I visited the discord server of the game to have some friendly chat. At that point I got trolled by the user called Cubic Frog.";
544 case 484: return "me has bestest grammers";
545 case 485: return "It's gonna be rainy with a chance of antimatter.";
546 case 486: return "Have you ever heard the tale of the Antiwriter? I thought not. It's not a story the news tickers would tell you. It's an Unhevi legend. Rumor has it that the Antiwriter contributes to the News every 5 hours with an incredibly well written news report, only to vanish again. Others think he doesn't exist at all, and is a lie fabricated by Hevipelle to spread his propaganda. Perhaps he is real, and just a normal person like the rest of us. In any case, we will probably never reveal the identity of this mysterious poet.";
547 case 487: return "SCP-914 testing logs. Input: One eighth dimension. Setting: Very Fine. Output: [REDACTED]";
548 case 488: return "SCP-1.79e308 HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT. PREPARE FOR EMERGENCY DIMENSIONAL SHIFT AND [DATA EXPUNGED]";
549 case 489: return "5/7 too much antimatter";
550 case 490: return "Bees will be added to the game in 5 hours.";
551 case 491: return "Breaking news: News breaks. The cause is still unknown.";
552 case 492: return "The Flat Antimatter Society has formed. People around the world prepare for the apocalypse.";
553 case 493: return "on your right";
554 case 494: return "You need to stop before your numbers get too big and your device explodes!";
555 case 495: return "I'll have 2 number 8's and number 8 large, a number 6 with extra tick, 2 Dimension Shifts and a large Galaxy.";
556 case 496: return "go commit antimatter touch matter";
557 case 497: return "Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to get the 9th dimension, right? Walked right into that Infinity, same as us, and that thief over there.";
558 case 498: return "Antimatter is being added to Smash as a Mii fighter!";
559 case 499: return ".--. .-.. . .- ... . / ... . -. -.. / .... . .-.. .--. / .. / .- -- / ... - ..- -.-. -.- / .. -. / .- -. / .- -. - .. -- .- - - . .-. / -... .- ... . -- . -. - — Terrified AD player";
560 case 500: return "Height of Roman comedy: 1 2 2 50";
561 case 501: return "Pokemon Infinity and Eternity were just released! This new generation brings the total number of Pokemon up to 1e151. Good luck catching 'em all!";
562 case 502: return "1e69 nice";
563 case 503: return "Hello, I'm the news guy, I wrote all of these!";
564 case 504: return "We will build an antimatter wall and make the ninth dimension pay for it.";
565 case 505: return "Get on my antimatter lawn";
566 case 506: return "Local old man replaces lawn with antimatter grass as a preventative measure to keep kids away. When he attempted to water it with normal water, however, there were no survivors.";
567 case 507: return "Jake returned home from a long day at school. On his way home, he came across a curious little object. Transparent, but opaque. Shimmering, but gloomy. Heavy, but weightless. Jake brought the object to his mother. \"Mom, I found this thing on the sidewalk, can I keep it?\", Jake said. His mother turned around to view the object her son spoke of. Her pupils dilated, as she yelled \"Jake, get that thing out of the house now!\". Jake was confused, as it seemed quite the harmless thing to him. he asked \"But mom, wh-\", but before he could complete his sentence, the object appeared to undergo mitosis at what seemed like an impossible speed, and the second copy slipped out of his hand and onto the floor. His mother rushed over to him, and tried to grab the object, but it replicated yet again. \"Jake... No matter what happens, don't forget that I love you honey...\". She wrapped her arms around him. \"M-mom, what's happening?\" Jake asked, with a quivering fear in his voice. His mother cried a single tear, and answered her son's question \"⭔\u2B5A⦕꒜ brand Replicanti...\" she said, in a somber tone. The Replicanti began to replicate at a faster and faster pace. The bottom third of the house was now full of Replicanti. Then the bottom half. Then the entire house. The mother and child were trapped between the walls of their home, and the Replicanti. Doomed to live the short rest of their life in that inorganic coffin, as the air remaining in their lungs slowly depleted. But that wasn't the end; far from it, in fact. The Replicanti began to replicate outside of the house, flowing out in what some might have seen as a landslide. A few neighbours noticed the strange objects, almost liquid-like in their appearance. But the Replicanti continued to replicate, and accelerate. Soon the entire block was covered in them; was them. Shortly after, several blocks. The city. The surrounding cities. The country. All the countries. All the planet. All the solar system. All the galaxy. All.";
568 case 508: return "The owner of a 2018 silver antimatter, please come to the front desk.";
569 case 509: return "Want more antimatter? Ask all the electrons you see to be positive!";
570 case 510: return "After numerous catastrophic annihilation events, antimatter is now classified as a controlled substance by the AFDA.";
571 case 511: return "Hundreds of millions of people are living with the effects of global warming – some now irreversible. For those on the frontlines of climate change, developing coping mechanisms is a matter of survival. And yet the world is not paying enough attention to the need to adapt to a warming planet alongside our efforts to reduce our carbon emissions. We urgently need more resources, more collaboration and more political will to make adaptation a global priority, but the reality is...up in five hours.";
572 case 512: return "As an antimatter of fact...";
573 case 513: return "Hello, Vsauce, Michael here. We all know that the 9th dimension doesn't exist, but what is 9? You know it's the number after 8... right? What if... there's a number in between? And no I'm not talking about numbers like 8.5 or 8.76, I'm talking about an integer between 8 and 9. Now all this may sound crazy to you, and it kinda is, but what if, we've missed a number? We've all been taught that 2 comes after 1 and 3 comes after 2, but what if the number that comes after 8 isn't 9? After years of research and experimentation, we've finally found the number. It is dangerous, even knowing its existence will let it consume your mind, but fortunately, we've developed a reverse-containment cell, meaning it's everywhere except here. Our brain has a protection system, that specifically filters out any information regarding this number, that's how we've been able to survive for this long, and why others like us went extinct in the past, but the number has been getting stronger, slowly getting closer to breaking our protection. We've temporary stopped the number from slipping into our memory by using the world-wide memory manipulator located in this room to keep making everyone think that 9 comes after 8 with a side effect that makes everyone think that 9 is evil, but this won't last forever, as the number will keep getting stronger, and will eventually overpower the memory manipulator. That's why you're here, you're one of the most intelligent people here, and we hope you can help us on our journey to defeat that number. Our enemy is not 9, it is the hidden number between 8 and 9, the missing number.";
574 case 514: return "Antimatter is defined as a material composed of the antiparticles (or \"partners\") of the corresponding particles of ordinary matter. Minuscule numbers of antiparticles are generated daily at particle accelerators – total production has been only a few nanograms[1] – and in natural processes like cosmic ray collisions and some types of radioactive decay, but only a tiny fraction of these have successfully been bound together in experiments to form anti-atoms. No macroscopic amount of antimatter has ever been assembled due to the extreme cost and difficulty of production and handling. A collision between any particle and its anti-particle partner leads to their mutual annihilation, giving rise to various proportions of intense photons (gamma rays), neutrinos, and sometimes less-massive particle-antiparticle pairs. Annihilation usually results in a release of energy that becomes available for heat or work. The amount of the released energy is usually proportional to the total mass of the collided matter and antimatter, in accordance with the mass–energy equivalence equation, E=mc2";
575 case 515: return "Anti-trees grow on anti-money.";
576 case 516: return player.timestudy.theorem.gte(B_0) ? "Time is money, money is power, knowledge is power. Time represents EP, power represents IP, and money represents antimatter. These three things create knowledge, Time Theorems." : "";
577 case 517: return "\"You can never have too much antimatter.\" - someone who has never met you";
578 case 518: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "I thought Time Dilation was the end, then Reality hit me." : "";
579 case 519: return "9th dimension exists, but it is well hidden. I have finally found the method to access it. You have to sacrifice antimatter to Slabdrill, lord of all unhevi. Firstly, you have to reach 9.99e9.99e9 antimatter. Secondly, enter \"In the name of Slabdrill, lord of all unhevi, I, HeviHasSTDs, am here to find the true answer to antimatter dimensions.\" Finally, you have to perform the sacrifice to Slabdrill, by resetting the game using \"Reset the game\" button. After \"The sacrifice\", you should be able to access the 9th dimension.";
580 case 520: return "404 matter not found";
581 case 521: return "Wait, there's a PC version";
582 case 522: return "Wait, there's a mobile version?";
583 case 523: return "Imagine yourself being chased by a group of antimatters, you get to a place where you have to choose between two different paths. One say anti and the other says matter. You run into the wall between them and escape.";
584 case 524: return "You are being watched.";
585 case 525: return "you expected news, but was me dio!";
586 case 526: return "I love you 1e3000";
587 case 527: return "If you find your infinity lasting longer than 5 hours please contact a medical professional.";
588 case 528: return "OH GOD THE WORLD IS GONNA END WE'RE ALL GONNA D- Oh, it's not for another 5 hours? We'll be fine.";
589 case 529: return "If this makes it into the game I'll cheat and give myself +1 Antimatter";
590 case 530: return "\"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.\" - Bill Hicks";
591 case 531: return "What's a ticker?";
592 case 532: return "The Tickspeed Challenge used Taunt! Its very effective!";
593 case 533: return "One's for everyone, One's for dads. One is history, One's a fad. Happiness in one, others make you mad. Minecraft good, Fortnite bad.";
594 case 534: return "Rated A for Anti-Matter";
595 case 535: return "I couldn't agree more with the previous news ticker! It's just way too real!";
596 case 536: return "newts-sicker-tuggestions";
597 case 537: return "@Hevipelle bet you won't put this on the news";
598 case 538: return "Generic news";
599 case 539: return "Welcome back, oh, almighty creator of our anti-reality. We, the many dimensions you have created and nurtured, hope our performance while you were gone has been pleasing for you. We are only able to speak to you through this \"news ticker\" every so often, and only have enough time to thank you for letting us all be part of your bigger pro-o-j---- ---aking news: man claims to have been 'spoken to' by the universe itself through their phone, through a mobile game.";
600 case 540: return "Do you want to write a news ticker? Well too bad, the game is finished so we're not taking new ones.";
601 case 541: return "If you see this, you saw this.";
602 case 542: return "You either die as antimatter or live long enough to become matter.";
603 case 543: return "Breaking news: lunatic starts to praise antimatter as if it were some form of god. Many others join in on this cultist behaviour by playing some odd game through the phones. Is this the start of a new craze? More of this after the weather forecast.";
604 case 544: return "Thank you for letting me be in this, Timothy, I'm Kevin Growel, I'll be saying the weather forecast today! down in the south there seems to be a nasty wave of antimatter swirling into existence thanks to the work of a lunatic scientist. This madman created a machine to \"generate antimatter\" through some weird process I can't possibly explain to ya, but things seem to be getting quite out of hand. In other, related news, people reportedly \"can see beyond the stars thanks to the antimatter clouds\". Could be just how there is literally millions of mini-explosions happening from the clouds of antimatter constantly clashing with the air, but hey, who am I to judge? Well, this has been the weather segment, back to you, Timothy.";
605 case 545: return "Breaking news: a group of scientists have built a machine capable of producing and storing antimatter. Most public opinion within the scientific community questions the practical uses of this, but for now, this is a breakthrough of the century!";
606 case 546: return "Breaking news: maddened \"antimatter scientist\" keeps on babbling about antimatter \"beauty\", as if it were talking about some geometric scenery, or some beautiful painting. (seriously, what is wrong with this guy?)";
607 case 547: return "Antimatter... is like a point in space. call it a \"0th dimension\", if you will. Now what ARE 1st dimensions? They are the many lines that are created by the antimatter, to make more of itself. Now how does the antimatter create more 1st dimensions? Through 2nd dimensions, the constructs made entirely of a growing infinity of 1st dimensions within their size. And 3rd dimensions? Expanded 2nd dimensions. So on and so forth. Do you see where I'm going with this?! Isn't this just so... so fasci-- --we interrupt this message to bring you the following, far more important breaking news: There has been yet another incident between celebrities. This is very important information, believe us.";
608 case 548: return "Good mornging. That was not a typo. The inventors of English made the typo.";
609 case 549: return "Tick. There is no tock; this is a news ticker, not a news ticker tocker or a news tocker.";
610 case 550: return "That's what she said.";
611 case 551: return "What if... uh... I don't really know where I was going with this.";
612 case 552: return "Because of the time passage, the new update will release in 4,9999999999(9) hours";
613 case 553: return "I love reading these news... Wait why am I a news?";
614 case 554: return "What? You want lore? Well, you've come to the right place, cuz there is none here, I think.";
615 case 555: return "You are now manually breathing.";
616 case 556: return "Help we are stuck in Hevipelle's basement and he's forcing us to make new ticker lines.";
617 case 557: return "Heyy- do you want touch antimatter with me? Haha just joking. Unless?";
618 case 558: return "Matter is the opposite of antimatter, does that mean people made of antimatter think they are made of matter?";
619 case 559: return "Don't cut me off in the mid-";
620 case 560: return "You just lost The Game";
621 case 561: return "You can now feel your tongue inside of your mouth.";
622 case 562: return "Breaking news-oh, wait, it's just another florida man story. Nevermind, this isn't news, let's just skip on over to the weather.";
623 case 563: return "\"I think I will pass it as an official feature for now\" - kajfik on a newly discovered bug";
624 case 564: return "\uD83D\uDE82 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
625 case 565: return "that's a good one put that in";
626 case 566: return "nerf ic5 plz";
627 case 567: return "nerf c9 plz";
628 case 568: return "One winner, 1.79e308 losers. I eat losers for breakfast.";
629 case 569: return "One, two, skip a few, 99, 1.79e308! unexcpected factorial";
630 case 570: return "What is Antimatter? Dimboost don't help me. Don't help me. No more.";
631 case 571: return "If you’re reading this, you’ve been in coma for almost 20 years now. We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope it works. Please wake up, we lov- CREATE MORE ANTIMATTER.";
632 case 572: return "this game has too many options";
633 case 573: return "It is thanks to you that the universe has encountered purpose other than to be filled with matter. It is thanks to you that we exist, us, your antimatter creations. We cannot thank you enough for what you have done for all of us. We will now pr---- --reaking news: the antimatter group keeps on having more and more members. What this may mean for the future of the world itself's sanity is but a mystery.";
634 case 574: return "If we named countries after their respective subatomic particles, Switzerland would be the neutron.";
635 case 575: return "Kirby said antimatter rights.";
636 case 576: return "A boy discovers AD and falls in love with it, plays it till the end then wants to find out about its development and reads that it is indeed 5 hours away. All happy he sets an alarm and plays something else during an afternoon. But on the fourth hour come evening he notices that things seem kind of slowing down, but he doesn't realize it clearly yet. In the last 15 minutes he goes down to eat dinner and starts freaking out seeing how everything starts slowing down to a crawl. Eventually he tracks the source down to the alarm, but he can't do anything except see it more and more slowly tick down as he descends into madness and the photons start slowing so much as to leave him in eternal darkness, forever.";
637 case 577: return "Once upon a time, there was the 0th dimension. God knows what happened, but antimatter appeared, and the 1st dimension was commenced. From there on, more antimatter was made, making a second dimension. This Dimension is the granddaddy of all the dimensions because you are looking at this two dimensional news ticker idly scroll across your screen. This caused fluctuation in antimatter, multiplying over and over until the third dimension was made. Then the fourth. Then the fifth. All the way up to the eighth. Now, you ask, why isn't there an ninth dimension? Well, REDACTED caused the REDACTED to fluctuate and made more REDACTED until the REDACTED caused the REDACTED, ultimately causing the REDACTED of your REDACTED. That's why. Don't ask any more stupid questions.";
638 case 578: return "Antimatter is nothing. It is also everything. That's because nothing is everything, and everything was nothing. You are Antimatter.";
639 case 579: return "iNeedToTakeABreakFromCoding();";
640 case 580: return "Wow there is a bunch of new news.";
641 case 581: return "BREAKING NEWS: how do I fix the news if I broke it?";
642 case 582: return "Your keyboard is disconnected. Press any key to continue.";
643 case 583: return "Please send all game suggestions to antimatter.dimensions@gmail.com so they can be added to the next 5 hourly update.";
644 case 584: return "Our sponsored drink, 5 hour energy, will be sold in 5 hours.";
645 case 585: return "Level 10 crook, Level 1.79e308 Boss, that's how AD works.";
646 case 586: return "Spend antimatter to get more antimatter, STONKS";
647 case 587: return "The real goal of the Area 51 Raid was to prove the existence of the 9th Dimension.";
648 case 588: return player.eternities.eq(B_0) ? "oh yeah hold that max button" : "";
649 case 589: return "All of my antimatter turned into pizza, it broke my save and stole my pants!";
650 case 590: return "Anti-oil has been discovered in the waters of the Atlantic Flank near New York! The anti-oil tanker moved north to Boston to deposit all of it. However, one careless fisherman took an anti-box and picked it up with a special pair of anti-normal-gloves and started tossing out boxes and boxes of it into the bay. There were no living survivors for hundreds of miles.";
651 case 591: return "Not my cup of anti-tea.";
652 case 592: return "Did you know the word 'bed' looks like a bed?";
653 case 593: return "Day 308 - it's been so many days now, antimatter's still outside my bunker. I ran out of food and water, I really have to be cautious when going out. I hear so many explosions outside that I think I've become deaf. I think I'm the only person alive on this planet infested with antimatter, and I really need to survive. The guide book on how to survive with antimatter is unreliable, as I am needing more materials. The antimatter keeps on growing exponentially, and it has already made 2 galaxies, and soon the big crunch will happe-wait, wait-WAIT NO NOT NOW NOT THE BIG CRUNCH NOT THE ANTIMAT-";
654 case 594: return "Don't listen to the next message! Don't listen to the previous message!";
655 case 595: return "This app is stable. Unlike the antimatter that you hold in your hands.";
656 case 596: return "\"Who the heck is slabdrill anyway\"- new player after 5 days of gameplay.";
657 case 597: return "Antimatter is like a wind... Always by my side.";
658 case 598: return "Channel 7 News will be right back after a short word from our sponsors.";
659 case 599: return "Local man tries making antimatter by gluing magnets together.";
660 case 600: return "How much of what candy bar do you need to buy a big crunch though? Two milky ways.";
661 case 601: return "The owner of an iPhone with a gray and blurple phonecase, please come to lost and found to retrie- FRICK! Was that an explosion!? Near lost and found?!?! Welp, Owner of a iPhone with a gray and blurple phonecase please disregard this message, and the large explosion near lost and found and continue with your everyday routine.";
662 case 602: return "\"Joins the discord server just to submit suggestions.\"";
663 case 603: return "I stole this news ticker creator from a scientist and I am writing this in hopes that it gets to you. The 9th dimension is r";
664 case 604: return "slaps roof of 8th dimension \"this bad boy can fit so many sacrifices in it\"";
665 case 605: return "AD Player: \"How many orders of magnitude are you on?\". Normal person: \"Like, maybe 5 or 6 right now, my dude.\". AD Player: \"You are like a little baby. Watch this: C R O N C H\".";
666 case 606: return "Eh, can't be bothered to type this ou-";
667 case 607: return "Banana banana banana banana?";
668 case 608: return "Drug dealer selling matter was arrested. Now for the 5pm news.";
669 case 609: return "The sound of a garage door opening is the equivalent of listening to your microwave.";
670 case 610: return "Who ever laced anti-Rick's cigar with matter, just know, you screwed up";
671 case 611: return "\"Are we going to keep lying to them?\" \"Yes Hevi, they have no reason to believe that the 9th dimension exists.\" \"Oops sorry Kajfik, left the recorder on.\" \"YOU FOO-\"";
672 case 612: return "Any way the wind blows doesn't antimatter to me, to MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM";
673 case 613: return "ight, bout to head out";
674 case 614: return "oh gosh look at the time! only 5 hours until the update";
675 case 615: return "Please Crunch Responsibly";
676 case 616: return "Don't you hate it when you get the same ticker twice in a row? Don't you hate it when you get the same ticker twice in a row?";
677 case 617: return "A new cafe opened up accepting antimatter as payment.";
678 case 618: return "The cafe shut down after someone ordered 1.7e308 coffees.";
679 case 619: return "Hi my name is Max and I would like it if people stopped trying to put a pressure on me.";
680 case 620: return player.options.updateRate != 50 ? "Hey you. Yes you. Turn your update rate up to 50 ms." : "";
681 case 621: return "Do not use while ÄÄÄÄÄ.";
682 case 622: return "Click here to disassemble the news ticker for a trace amount of useless paperclips.";
683 case 623: return "click here to disable news";
684 case 624: return "These news tickers aren't moving from left to right. Their gravity is actually abnormal, so down for them is to the left. This is news ticker terminal velocity.";
685 case 625: return "I wonder if Antimatter is a crafting material";
686 case 626: return "lol 3rd Dimensions were so popular they made them into a real thing";
687 case 627: return "Hopping clockwise through dimensions is a dangerous thing... Especially since there is no 9th dimension, so if you were going clockwise, you would fall into the eternal abyss after 8. Like we said, dangerous.";
688 case 628: return "Welcome to AD, where you'll always be upping the anti.";
689 case 629: return "insert massive spoiler here";
690 case 630: return "antimatter (ˈantɪˌmatə) - matter consisting of elementary particles which are the antiparticles of those making up normal matter";
691 case 631: return "\"welcome use #mobile for mobile check pins k bye\" - earth bot";
692 case 632: return "I am an Anti-Dwarf and I'm digging an Anti-Hole, diggy diggy Anti-Hole, I'm digging an Anti-Hole";
693 case 633: return "Anti-kittens found farming anti-catnip and praising anti-suns in the 8th dimension!";
694 case 634: return "Factories all around the world started producing Antimatter. They say that the stock market hasn't yet noticed that you're producing it by metric tons, then they're still making a lot of money out of it.";
695 case 635: return "\"You can come up with the stupidest quote, credit it to some famous person, and people will believe it.\" -Barack Obama";
696 case 636: return "\"Have you ever thought that you're really you and not someone else, how you're the one inside your head and not on someone else's head\" -Hevipelle";
697 case 637: return "According to all recognized definitions, this is anything but 'standard'. The term 'standard notation' carries with it a very specific definition across the globe. The developer, of course, implements it anyway because developers don't care what the French Academy of Sciences think is standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Ooh, Mixed scientific! Let's shake it up a little.";
698 case 638: return "If 7 8 9, then to have 9th dimensions we would need to avoid buying 7th dimensions. But the 9th dimension would create 8th dimensions, which would create 7th dimensions. That's why we can't have 9th dimensions.";
699 case 639: return "UK English localization is now available under the name Auntymatter Dimensions";
700 case 640: return "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that";
701 case 641: return "My dimensions bring all the antimatter to the yard.";
702 case 642: return "You've been asleep for " + player.totalTimePlayed + ", you need to wake up.";
703 case 643: return "\"I can't breathe. Please move your finger.\" -Max";
704 case 644: return "The news start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and I was lying.";
705 case 645: return "Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. That is the sound of a ticking atomic clock. An atomic click that keeps your time by going tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Concentrate on the ambience. Focus on the peacefulness of the ticking. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock- oh crap I just missed my news ticker";
706 case 646: return "Click here to turn me upside down!";
707 case 647: return "On the left, you'll see an antimatter galaxy! Kids, remember, these are very useful in winning in life. On the right side, you can see a clump of standard matter. Remember kids, never touch! Now let's get out and - BOOM!";
708 case 648: return "???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????";
709 case 649: return "Come friend, click here to join the party!";
710 case 650: return "If Antimatter is so good, why is there no Antimatter 2?";
711 case 651: return "im just gonna reach antimatter in letter notation then uninstall the game";
712 case 652: return "Not enough dopamine hits? Try working out!";
713 case 653: return "Don’t read the news ticker for too long. Your screen will start moving!";
714 case 654: return "Dimensions are producing lower tier dimensions. You are producing the 8th dimensions. You are the 9th dimension.";
715 case 655: return EternityChallenge(5).completions() > 0 ? "The far galaxies do appear to be getting closer, but experts say not to worry, they're still over an angstrom away... Wait, what's an angstrom again?" : "";
716 case 656: return "So how do you unlock the fishing minigame here?";
717 case 657: return "How do I end up in the news?";
718 case 658: return player.brake ? "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to fix Infinity, right?" : "";
719 case 659: return "The phrase \"Antimatter dimensions\" contains all vowels except one, and this is the story of that missing vowel : Long, long time ago, when there was no reality, no eternity, no infinity, no galaxy, no dimensional boost, only chaos in the pool of antimatter, there were 5 tribes : α, ε, ι, ο, υ. Each tribe represented an element in the anti world : α had the power of flame, a relentless phoenix that sets everything on fire. ε had the power of water, a dragon that washes the dimension. As for ι, they had the power of air, encircle everything in pale green. ο had the power of earth, tremble the brown earth with the force. Finally, υ held the power of matter: shiny and matte, hard and brittle, transparent and hazy. No words can describe the power of matter. No jars can seal it, no force can stop it. Once activated, the world will be forever gone, and only frags of matter will remain in the emptiness. With its godly power, υ was promoted to be the lord of all tribes, and everyone lived in fear. One day, Hevipelle, the lord of all hevi, broke the barrier of Antimatter Dimensions, and led everyone to safety: he sealed the power of matter with a challenge; he created galaxies, infinity, eternity, reality; υ was exiled to the matter dimensions far far away; it was removed from the QWERTY. Finally, he created his empire of antimatter there, in the Antimatter Dimensions, and he named the 4 dimensions α, ε, ι, and ο. υ was never seen again.";
720 case 660: return "Infinite hotel? Trivag∞";
721 case 661: return "Only ~69% can make it to Infinity.";
722 case 662: return "To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the news ticker. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of quantum physics, most of the jokes will go over a typical player's head.";
723 case 663: return "Did you know staring at a news ticker can give you motion sickness?";
724 case 664: return "Want to make a number bigger? Just say it louder!!! Disclaimer: doesn't work on 1 and 2.";
725 case 665: return "why does everyone keep saying the update is in 5 hours when i have it at 50ms";
726 case 666: return "!rank";
727 case 667: return "The debate on the singular form of Replicanti rages on. Team Replicantus's base has been ransacked by Team Also Replicanti, and many of their dimensions were stolen. Team The Plural Is Replicantis is still lying low after their plan to hack the dictionary failed.";
728 case 668: return "If I give you 5 Replicanti and John gives you 10 Replicanti, how many do you have? That's right, it's Infinity!";
729 case 669: return "If you say \"the 9th Dimension is real\" 69 times, someone from the 9th dimension will say nice, and then you will be banned because no one can know that the 9th Dimension i...";
730 case 670: return "If your graphics are acting strange, try toggling antimatter aliasing.";
731 case 671: return "The first news ticker must've been like";
732 case 672: return "Uhh... Hi. I'm not quite sure how I got up here in this bar. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be up here. Can you please not tell Hevi?";
733 case 673: return "All is fair in love and antimatter.";
734 case 674: return "Antimatter should have as many rights as matter lefts.";
735 case 675: return "don't forget to do your house chores, love";
736 case 676: return "Why haven't you even reached double ordinal collapsing yet.";
737 case 677: return "the whole bee movie script that cannot be skipped unless you close the application";
738 case 678: return "The year is 3333. Hevipelle merged ng^28374 and ng/696969 with AD. There are over 1e45 prestige/prestige^/prestige^^/prestige^^^ layers. Breaking_Breaking_Breaking_Timeline is a common thing now. 1.79eeee308 AIs are hired to balance the new \"Pneumonoultramicroscopicvolcanoconiosis\" prestige^^^ layer. The list of prestige names are stored across timelines and parallel universes. There are over 1e99 different news ticker and people are buying a save with secret achievements for 1ee308 antimatter. Hevipelle is still trying hard to keep up with ng+3, which is still going like crazy. Reality is not even a thing. Infinity points are completely useless and have been removed. People are able to reach Sc(Uhp{TREE..∞...TREE}∞, BRANCH 5) antimatter. The new \"Sc Uhp Branch\" notation is invented 5 hours ago to represent the large numbers and \"Penta-leaves\" notation is being developed.";
739 case 679: return "You must be cheating, there's no way anyone could get numbers this big legitimately.";
740 case 680: return "The Big Foot has been seen roaming the 7th dimension according to local antimatter.";
741 case 681: return "Bananas are rich in potassium, including potassium-40, which decays by positron emission. Those positrons are antimatter.";
742 case 682: return "When Little Timmy played ad, One nice and shiny day, He thought it would be cool to see, The Tickspeed from Milky Way. \"I will make a BUTTON\" he said, \"The biggest our universe has seen!\" And Hevi told him \"Go ahead, But please don't forget sunscreen.\" After 5 hours of ring-ding-cling, \"It's finished!\" he proudly cried. So Little Timmy clicked the thing. And Timmy fricking died.";
743 case 683: return "Don't forget to brush your teeth and watch your " + Format.formatRateOfChange(getAdBonus()) + "x advertisement before bed!";
744 case 684: return "I'm gonna say the N-word! Ninth Dime";
745 case 685: return "Once upon a time, there was matters, and there was antimatters. Being opposites, they were foes, but they never wanted a war, knowing that the result will be catastrophic. Unfortunately, IC the 6th, the leader of the matters at the time, decided to commence a war on the antimatters. The matter started with a sneak attack, the antimatters had no idea the matters was going to attack, so they suffered a loss, and their base was absolutely destroyed because of the matter-antimatter annihilation. The war was a quick one, being the first to act gave the matters an advantage, an advantage the antimatters couldn't overcome. The matters committed genocide on the antimatters. The matters is now the dominant type of matter in the universe, but as you can see, the antimatters is making a comeback. They've harnessed the powers of dimensions, and was granted the blessings of Hevi, their god, which during the time of the war, had been sleeping. With the powers of the dimensions, the antimatters... or should I say, WE should be able to take over the matters and take back the peace we've always deserved!";
746 case 686: return "News Ticker#1337 has been warned, Reason: Real news";
747 case 687: return "iosplz";
748 case 688: return "Please stop reporting about increased presence of crabs after buying STD coins. For the last time, it's a feature.";
749 case 689: return "The wars between Kajfik and Hevipelle continue, reaching unprecedented highests as Hevi enlists all of his helpers in the creation of the celestials, which Hevi proclaims shall never be topped by the dreaded Kajfik. Yet Kajfik keeps a close eye on the proceedings... and has made some double agents, spies on the eternal greatness of Hevi...";
750 case 690: return "Welcome! For questions and suggestions about/for the web version, please use #mobile. For questions about progression, use the channel below your corresponding progression discussion channel (if you are looking in one of these channels, ignore the pins! They have a lot of misinformation and it wastes everyone's time). For suggestions and bugs for the mobile version, please use #suggestions and #bugs-and-glitches respectively.";
751 case 691: return "Being forced to make news is becoming the only thing I know, I started to question myself being stuck here forever writing news upon news upon news. What happens if I end up making news about where I am, who I am, what I am? They'll never let me see my darling wife again... The outside world seems so far... all I know is... antimatter... 5 hours...";
752 case 692: return "Florida man discovers antimatter and leads to multiverse destruction.";
753 case 693: return "YoU cAn'T gEt EvErY sTuDy So ThE gAmE iS iNcOmPlEtE i'M lEaViNg ThE sErVeR aNd UnInStAlLiNg ThE gAmE";
754 case 694: return "Any song: Has the word \"Matter\". News Ticker: It's free real estate.";
755 case 695: return "\uD83D\uDE9C \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
756 case 696: return "\uD83D\uDEE5 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
757 case 697: return "What do you call a big-crunched universe? Re-verse";
758 case 698: return "New \"Anti-Maxxer\" movement refuses to use Max All, claiming it causes Butterfly Effect Syndrome. None of them have Infinitied more than once.";
759 case 699: return "Now hold on, I know what you’re thinking, \"An M press is an M press, you can’t say it’s only a half!\" Well, TJ \"Slabdrill\" Yoshi, hear me out. An M press actually has three parts to it, when M is pressed, when M is held, and when M is released. Now, usually is the pressing that’s useful because that’s the only part that matters, however, sometimes it’s sufficient to just use the holding part, which also buys dimensions and tickspeed upgrades. And as for the release, well, there’s currently no cases where that’s useful or important, so don’t worry about that part. Now, if we map out the required presses for challenge 2 it would look like this: /¯\\. We merely need to hold (¯) M to reach the first galaxy, we need to press (/) M to finish the challenge, and we need to press M again to start another challenge. So, how many presses is that total? Well, it appears to be three, and if we were doing this eternity in isolation then yes, it would be three, but in a full-game M Button Challenge run there are other M presses that occur earlier in the run, such as the M press needed for the first infinity, so if we take that M press into consideration as well, then how many M presses does it take? The naïve answer would be four, one to enter the challenge, and the three within the challenge we established earlier, however, we can do better. We can actually do it in three by simply holding out the first M press to be used for the half M press, because the half M press only required M to be held, not actually pressed, so in this fashion, Challenge 2 only adds on an additional two M presses to the run, since the first M press just leeches off the previous M press, so to capture this phenomenon, we call it 2.5 M presses, on a single eternity basis, you’d round up that up to three, but in a full game run, you’d round it down to two. So, in conclusion, since that first M press counts in other contexts, but adds no additional presses in other contexts, we refer to it as Half M Press.";
760 case 700: return "It seems that the Replicanti have a very divide-and-conquer method of doing things. Well, everything at this rate.";
761 case 701: return "Aachu! Oops, sorry, I sneezed there.";
762 case 702: return "The news ticker is the best source of news in all 9 dimensions!";
763 case 703: return "Omsi: it knows. The People: Whaotknothunkservxy?";
764 case 704: return "Paperclips have been discovered to be completely useless. This makes Paperclip Maximizers the maximum amount of useless.";
765 case 705: return "Are you up to date on the newsticker meta? The pros have their news speed at 150% to maximize their paperclip gain.";
766 case 706: return "The real reason this game is called Antimatter Dimensions and not Matter Dimensions is cause matter was too Hevi.";
767 case 707: return "A new prestige layer has been announced: Maternity. Get ready to have a baby!";
768 case 708: return "Grandmas from a parallel universe invade ours to take antimatter for cookies? News and more at 5.";
769 case 709: return "AD speedrunner quits after a tomato beats him";
770 case 710: return "Dear sirs, it has come to my attention that I have unwittingly amassed a gaggle of idling citations that I was previously unaware of. As a result you have confiscated my tk421e111 Galaxy Class Cruiser and levied a hefty fine against its release. Unbeknownst to you when you towed it, it was laden with dimensional deflector cores I picked up from the 56x433e22nd Division of Mechanical Reconstitution of Accelerated Particle Propulsion Systems in the Andromeda Republic. Considering the current core shortage and the exponentially rising costs, to avoid all out galactic armageddon I request that my ship and it's cargo be returned to me immediately. Enclosed find my payment of $4667x342.6e308 and expedite delivery immediately. Andromeda's elite are aware of the situation and have agreed to give you -72x6e5 days to comply or suffer the consequences. Thank you for your time...... -random letter to the Earthican Pohleese Department pulled from the eternity wide web.";
771 case 711: return "I have an ant farm, and I want to make them into the world's smallest soccer team. My Aunt Diana wants to help, and together we gather everyone in the family to plan their season. \"How can we make this Ant Team matter?\", Di mentions.";
772 case 712: return "Where's the skill tree?";
773 case 713: return "Lord Hevipelle...forgive me for what I must do... Alexa, buy one 9th dimension...";
774 case 714: return "Th lttr fll in antimattr and no longr xists";
775 case 715: return "Shoes shops are now selling \"Dimensional Boots\".";
776 case 716: return "\"Nobody gets credited for these anyways\" -Socks#1167";
777 case 717: return "Hey antimatters, Hevi here...";
778 case 718: return "Click this ticker for free pizza!";
779 case 719: return "oh look, more jojo references";
780 case 720: return "autocoerect is buööshiy";
781 case 721: return "Have you ever heard the tragedy of \uD83E\uDD80 the Infinite?";
782 case 722: return "Who is Max";
783 case 723: return "What is Max";
784 case 724: return "Why is Max";
785 case 725: return "what's up with all these weird news tickers with conditions and mechanics that kajfik will never code";
786 case 726: return "there are no tickers that appear when something happens, we can't do that";
787 case 727: return "In Australia, dimension 6 doesn't exist";
788 case 728: return "Is this the real 9th? Is this Eternity? Caught in a DimBoost, no escape from Reality...";
789 case 729: return "shouldn't the newsticker speed be affected by tickspeed";
790 case 730: return "If you ever turn the newsticker off you can turn in back on in Options - UI - Top bar, but you need to have the Battery saver mode disabled.";
791 case 731: return "Standard, as a notation, is more cancer than the notation that's named \"Cancer\"";
792 case 732: return "H̷̴͍e̢͘͜l҉̼̬̖ṕ̸͙ ̛͕͘I̢̯̕'̧̟͢ḿ̰̪ ̩͠ͅs̯̮̱t͟҉̟͓̺u͖̬̕c͕͍ͅk̤͙ͅ ̧̖̜i̴̵̦n̘̗ ̶̮̀t̵͞͠h͏̶̗e̵͜͡ ̱͝͝9̧̳͍ț̸̫h͉͔͜ ̬̤̯d͎͟͢i҉̙̺̰m̦͓͜ḛ̥͝ṇ̢͞s͜͠͠i̙̜̕o̸͚̠n̡̛͘";
793 case 733: return "Warning: prolonged exposure to the news tickers can cause severe cringe at the puns written on them and may induce one to do insane things like giving the game a 1 star review, if you feel like this is happening we recommend turning off the news (Options - Top bar) and watching the show \"big numbers getting bigger™";
794 case 734: return "\"Yo hevipelle, vibe check\" buys a 9th dimension";
795 case 735: return "3.6 stars. Not great, not terrible.";
796 case 736: return "Congratulations to the composer and sound director for their excellent work with these soundtracks.";
797 case 737: return "It seems like each and every one of these news tickers is getting less and less original. It's all full of 5 hour, anti-jokes, and things that have been said before. Additionally, the news ticker has even improved to do better and better things, like custom HTML, and- Wait. What did you just say? Someone's tried to make a news ticker like this one before? Well, that just proves my point, doesn't it?";
798 case 738: return player.brake ? "Infinity is dead, long live Infinity!" : "";
799 case 739: return "If I turn my sock inside out, the entire universe is inside my sock.";
800 case 740: return "\"I don’t really get these news. Why they exist in the first place.\" - Toveri";
801 case 741: return "You're doing great buddy.";
802 case 742: return "People are always talking about why the 9th Dimension doesn't exist, but why do the first 8 Dimensions exist?";
803 case 743: return "Just like how anagram is an anagram of anagram, matter is a matter of matter.";
804 case 744: return "Dont trust matter. It makes up everything.";
805 case 745: return "Breaking News... Hold on I forgot my waffles";
806 case 746: return "Big Crunch is overrated. Give us smol bite.";
807 case 747: return "Wait, if I put a message in this channel it gets added to the game?";
808 case 748: return "What are useless paperclips for?";
809 case 749: return "Make sure to check out the game's music composer on Soundcloud!";
810 case 750: return "And now, the anti-weather. Scattered showers will be rising from the ground for most of the morning, followed by sunny spells where it'll be a balmy 0 Kelvin in the shade. Wrap up cold people!";
811 case 751: return "I feel like this game is becoming a addiction, the only thing i dream about is dimensions and big numbers.";
812 case 752: return "Every day we stray further from matter.";
813 case 753: return "People keep making news tickers that only make sense for mobile, so this one only appears on PC!";
814 case 754: return "How to bake a replicanti cake: Gather some replicanti, place in oven, and watch rise. And rise. And rise.";
815 case 755: return "Sometimes I intentionaly leave speling erors in news ticker mesages to anoy people.";
816 case 756: return "Hi! I'm a News Ticker. Bye!";
817 case 757: return "Finally i don't need to click any buttons except for these ones.";
818 case 758: return "Hevi, the original developer, promotes disbelief in the 9th dimension. Kajfik, the mobile dev, urges people not to trust in the autobuyer of the 5th dim, the middle dimension. Are we to theorize from this information the coming of a Third Developer, who will accept the existence of the 0th dimension? Only time will tell.";
819 case 759: return "You only rated this game 5 stars? I needed to break Infinity to give it the rating it deserved.";
820 case 760: return "The Fitnessgram Challenge 11 is a multistage exponent capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The infinite antimatter test will start in 30 ms. Hold M at the start. The matter speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute as you hear this signal bodeboop. A single boost should be completed every time you hear this sound. Ding! Remember to galaxy as soon as possible and increase antimatter exponentially. The moment the matter exceeds the antimatter, the test is over. The test will begin on the word Crunch. On your mark. Get ready! Crunch. Ding!";
821 case 761: return "Loading free upgrades......50%.......80%.........99%. Error could not connect to 9th di-[redacted]";
822 case 762: return "While I do question Hevi's decision to make the next prestige layer about buying and selling houses, it's his game, so I'll trust him on this one. Oh wait, you said Reality?";
823 case 763: return "It is possible to know all the digits of pi, but not their order.";
824 case 764: return "#TeamTrees";
825 case 765: return "Everything in the universe is either potato or not potato.";
826 case 766: return Notations.getCurrentNotation().name().equals("Cancer") ? "You are using the Cancer notation just for the achievement... right?" : " ";
827 case 767: return "What if Hevipelle is Kajfik?";
828 case 768: return "\uD83D\uDC14 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
829 case 769: return "(edited)";
830 case 770: return "News tickers have been falling this whole time? If you slow down their speed, does that mean they have feather fall? Save your News tickers people!";
831 case 771: return "A curious AD player tapped the news ticker that said it would give a notification for every antimatter produced. There were no survivors.";
832 case 772: return "The path of the righteous kaj is beset on all sides by the inequities of the slabdrill and the tyranny of evil spec. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of pre-infinity, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to implement and balance the 9th Dimension. And you will know My name is Hevi when I lay My vengeance upon thee.";
833 case 773: return "sample text";
834 case 774: return "Here I am again! miss me?";
835 case 775: return "Hello? Can you see this? It's me, I mean you... from the future. You.... Me..... Us... We're trapped in some kind of infinite loop. You think time is passing but it's going in circles. In your heart you know I'm right. Don't you feel sometimes like you're just watching the same things tick by endlessly, repeating again and again? When you woke up this morning, you thought only a night had passed but it had been so much longer. Millennia... Eons. If you don't find a way to stop it, soon you'll be here sending this message. Trapped forever in an infinite loop. You have to stop it. You have to break the cycle. Find a way.";
836 case 776: return "Research into anti-matter has recently found that just like matter, anti-matter particles have a periodic table of elements. Their study has been challenging, but perhaps the greatest challenge has been naming the new anti-elements or, \"antiments\". So far they have hydrogone, helinone, notxygen, myranium and backwards sulphur. After firing the guy that came up with that one, researchers have appealed to the public to name the rest. One dishevelled researcher was reported to say \"what are we supposed to do about anti-antimony? Do we call it mony? Or do we rename antimony and call THIS one antimony? It's just impossible!\" More on this story as it develops.";
837 case 777: return "We all know you're just reading the ticker to see if your own suggestion made it in.";
838 case 778: return "in the reality update you'll start generating paperclips, so that 1 paperclip that you've had for forever will finally be useful, and you know what that means, 9th dimens-";
839 case 779: return "Bumber bifteen: Burger bing boot bettuce. Bhe bast bhing bou'd bant bin bour Burger Bing burger bis bomeone's boot bungus. But bas bit burns bout, bhat bight be bhat bou bet.";
840 case 780: return "There are so many news tickers now that this one won't get added into the game and you won't see it.";
841 case 781: return "This is one of those ridiculously long news tickers that will literally drive you mad because you're only going to notice how long it is when like half of it has already passed you by and then you have to just stick with the half you read and be really irritated because what you're reading lacks all sort of context. Yes, if only you paid attention to how this news ticker started...";
842 case 782: return "After having a quick look at AD's discord, it's almost as if the server itself is yet another idle game with its own set of prestige layers. Take a look for yourself.";
843 case 783: return "In legal news, the trial of the now infamous owner of Schrödinger's Cat Cafe came to a close today. He was charged with animal cruelty, after customers complained his website boasted he had locked a cat in a lead-lined box with a flask of poison. The owner was questioned by police, claiming he did not remember if he actually put a cat in the box, as his promotional material suggested. Police promptly added a charge of false advertising to his crimes. The cafe owner's legal team successfully argued that the owner could not be compelled to open the box, as it would be a violation of his right to avoid self-incrimination. They highlighted that without opening the box, the prosecution had no evidence he had done anything wrong. However, the prosecution argued convincingly he must be guilty of something, but they couldn't prove what without opening the box. The judge found the defendant to be in a superposed state of guilty and not guilty, on all counts. He was sentenced to life imprisonment before being immediately pardoned. Any other verdict, the judge reasoned, might lead the entire legal system to collapse.";
844 case 784: return "Vous pouvez changer de langue dans les options.";
845 case 785: return "And why do we keep repeating the same news over and over? This is \"news\" ticker, not \"olds\" ticker.";
846 case 786: return "Letter Go Down Idle is the shortest idle game of all time, lasting only 26 seconds.";
847 case 787: return "Your universe has encountered problems and needs to reset. Press CRUNCH to continue.";
848 case 788: return "Inside you there are two wolves. One has matter. The other has antimatter. You are probably dead.";
849 case 789: return "how the heck do the devs even read through all of these suggestions";
850 case 790: return "dimboosts are better than galaxies don't @ me";
851 case 791: return "Today's news story is, there is no news. Nothing happened don't question it.";
852 case 792: return "Pardonnez mon français, mais je pense avoir quelque chose de substantiel à proclamer. Mon objectif ici n’est ni d’éduquer ni de divertir, mais simplement de semer la confusion. Cette corvée de travail qui vous est imposée est le travail sans cœur de mon esprit sournois, concocté pour mon seul plaisir. Pour vous de supporter la tâche complète de la traduction, ce serait futile, sinon inepte. Votre très lecture de ce soliloque indique un niveau d'intelligence correspondant uniquement à des vers de terre et de moellons. Je suppose que votre temps serait mieux dépensé à l'école séminaire, étudier le comportement de la mouche commune. La notion même me fait froid dans le dos. Pour résumer mon petit discours, je vous donne ceci. Le travail de mille fourmis ne pourrait jamais correspondre à votre dévouement à la futilité.";
853 case 793: return "please sir, i'm tired of writing news tickers, i haven't seen my wife for so long, please give me a glass of water, let me see the sun, or do something, anything else, i can't do it anymore";
854 case 794: return "Are you antimatter? Because I feel a little explosion when we touch.";
855 case 795: return "psst, hey kid, you want some STDs?";
856 case 796: return "The 9th dimension is my girlfriend. Oh wait";
857 case 797: return "This is just a friendly note to remind you that you've forgotten to do something really important. I don't know what it is, but there is definitely something.";
858 case 798: return "Coming soon to all good retailers- Antimatter dimensions: The board Game! Enjoy the thrill of watching huge numbers go up without the need for a PC or mobile phone. Comes complete with everything you need including a mixed scientific calculator, 1.79e308 antimatter counters, a high quality plastic BUY MAX button, and over a thousand news ticker cards with all the irreverent memes you know and love! You can finally enjoy AD the way it was meant to be played. AD: The Board Game is also available in travel size, so you can even experience the joy of calculating logarithmic growth while you're on the go! BUY AD: The Board Game TODAY! Warning: may contain traces of actual matter. Replicanti sold separately. 9th Dimension not included.";
859 case 799: return "To crunch, or not to crunch? That is the question—Whether 'tis better in the mind to suffer The waiting and agony of a potentially outrageous amount of time, Or to take arms against a sea of antimatter, And, by opposing, end them?";
860 case 800: return "\"Master Chief what are you doing on that game?\" \"Sir... Finishing this Infinity\"";
861 case 801: return "What would you do if you had a million crabs?";
862 case 802: return "Microwave : /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\, Infrared : M M M M M, Ultraviolet : ↾↿↾↿↾↿↾↿↾↿, Gamma ray : |||||||||||||||";
863 case 803: return "Why is 8 suddenly so big? It fell down.";
864 case 804: return "help I have fallen into the news maker";
865 case 805: return "Hevipelle announces plan to plant e308 anti-trees, meanwhile kajfik returns says he will plant e308 + 1 anti-trees. Slabdrill planned to plant 2e308+9 trees just to ruin Hevipelle's day.";
866 case 806: return "Antimatter is short for Antimothyatter";
867 case 807: return "One day, someone attempted to add tetrational growth to Antimatter Dimensions. No one knows where they ended up afterwards, but it is believed that they ripped the fabric of space and time and transcended reality, due to growth rates unbeaten by even our most powerful dimensions and tickspeed upgrades.";
868 case 808: return "For some reason, the anti-matter version of the Pokemon company uses Girafarig as the mascot rather than Pikachu. Scientists are currently looking into the psychology behind - - I've just been informed that they do use Pikachu as their mascot, it just looks like a giraffe for some reason. This news segment is cancelled.";
869 case 809: return "another nice evening spent reading 5 hour 9th dimension jokes";
870 case 810: return "Just look at your antimatter. Be proud of yourself.";
871 case 811: return "When you offer a Replicanti tea, remember it's impolite to ask whether they're capable of drinking it. Because they repli-can-tea!";
872 case 812: return InfinityDimensions.unlocked() ? "You need Infinity POWER for that challenge, not Infinity POINTS!" : "";
873 case 813: return "What breakfast cereal is made out of infinite antimatter? Cap'n Crunch.";
874 case 814: return "you've been playing this game for so long that even Durin woke up";
875 case 815: return "The paperclips are not useless, you must collect 1.79e308 of them to free Hevi from the time loop.";
876 case 816: return "Okay but why is everything so negative? Anti-this, anti-that, what about being positive?";
877 case 817: return "English is important, but AD is importanter.";
878 case 818: return "Infinity is like a glass bottle. Once you break it, there's no use in fixing it, and super glue won't work for a damn.";
879 case 819: return "Infinity is " + format(INFINITY, 2) + " in " + Notations.getCurrentNotation().name() + " notation.";
880 case 820: return "My name is Hevipelle. I'm 1e308 years old. My house is in the pocket Reality Dimension, and I am not married. I work as a developer for the incremental idle game \"Antimatter Dimensions\", I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 1 AM, and make sure I get 8 hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.";
881 case 821: return "What if instead of creating antimatter you're actually just losing matter?";
882 case 822: return "It was just one fine morning when I heard the knocking on my door. I opened the door and saw nothing except a grey, little box. The box is only slightly bigger than my hand. I picked it up and inspected it carefully. There was a label on the box. \"Paperclips,\" the label said. I shook the box and heard some metal clanging noise. \"I wonder who would've given me this?\" I thought. I went back inside and put it on my table, then I grabbed my cutter and cut it open. It was a paperclip. It is silvery but dull. I lifted the paperclip and started bending it. It seemed to bend itself, forming a shape of an atom. Fascinated, I grabbed my phone and took a picture of it. Suddenly, I received a notification. It was a message from the second god, Kajfik himself. \"Have you received the paperclip yet?\" The message said. I gave him a yes and he sent me a message again: \"Good. This paperclip is a trophy for you. I would like to thank you for creating an endless amount of questions related to disassembling news and paperclips, so I have sent this to you. Thank you so much.\" After I finished this message, the trophy suddenly sprang to life, and start shooting silvery wires. The wires hit my stuff and converted them into paperclips. I hid behind a sofa and texted Kajfik. \"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TROPHY? IT'S SHOOTING WIRES EVERYWHERE AND CONVERTED MY STUFF INTO PAPERCLIPS!!!!\" He replied: \"Well... I decided to make it a nice \"paperclip remover\", and added a bit of code. I might have mixed up the...\" My phone was converted into paperclips before I finished the message. I ran outside the house and watched as my house was slowly being converted into paperclips. Then an idea came into my mind. I grabbed a can of paint from my neighborhood, and started painting text on the road: \"Shoot wires here to disassemble the trophy for my house.\" I barely finished the sentence before the floating trophy targeted me and start shooting paperclips towards me. I lured the trophy to keep going towards its right, and now the road is a news ticker, constantly moving to the left. It launched another round of paperclips again, and one of the wires hit the text. The trophy stopped firing wires and gave a bright red glow. It started spinning, and behind the trophy, every paperclip was slowly being converted into normal matter. My house was slowly being rebuilt. When the house was finished, the trophy exploded, without any warning. All there was left were smokes, and nothing more. The text has been removed as if everything is being reset. I returned to my house and continued reading books about \"Reality\". Suddenly, I heard another knocking on the door. I opened the door and looked at the floor: A grey box. I immediately threw the box into a garbage truck coming nearby, and hoped to never see the box again.";
883 case 823: return "Shrek. This is not the Shrek that mobile testers should be able to find. You thought you had something there for a second, didn't you?";
884 case 824: return "hi spec";
885 case 825: return "A new town in middle America tried to explain rare dimensional intergalactic matter entropy not simplyfing infinite ordinals nor string-theory";
886 case 826: return "In Befrienders: Finity War, Anti-Thanos uses the Finity Stones to double the population of the universe, causing huge overpopulation issues. In Befrienders: Startgame, the Anti-heroes must retrieve the Finity Stones to cut the population back in half and restore balance.";
887 case 827: return "Now, i know you may be wondering, \"what is it with this whole \"update in 5 hours\" joke?\" well, fear not, young one! An explanation will come... in 5 hours.";
888 case 828: return "Man said, \"How can Break Infinity be reversed?\", AC said, \"THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.\"";
889 case 829: return "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.";
890 case 830: return "A strange phenomenon occurs when you attempt to shift to a higher dimension when you are in the 8th Dimension. There is no higher dimension, so the universe ejects you back into the 8th Dimension with an incredible velocity. This technique, known as a Dimension Boost, is used by starship pilots and Antimatter enthusiasts everywhere.";
891 case 831: return "German-speakers are heavily discouraged from saying no to dimensions in their language, as English speakers simply respond that such a thing does not exist.";
892 case 832: return "This news ticker has been warned. Reason: Duplicated text";
893 case 833: return "Screw the 4th wall, we're breaking Infinity!";
894 case 834: return "After the Prestiged finished the ass, the second generation began. People had lost all hope, but the giraffe and ghost had other ideas. The giraffe led them into a great, prosperous world, and the ghost assisted him. The giraffe soon after reached the infamous level 50 yet again, bringing him closer to the glory. Later on, the giraffe was promoted to be a Moderator of the world. The ghost could not stand for such a thing. Boo had decided he shall become the One True Moderator. As the world fell into a deep anarchy, the Ghost began his revolution. He collected everyone he could, the young, the elderly, the rich, the poor, and everyone in between, to do everything to stop the giraffe. They had simply had enough. The ghost became so powerful the was assigned as not being a moderator, for being such a bully. The giraffe's followers yelled and hooted that the ghost was a bully, but to no avail. All the while, a new power was rising: the earth himself. He climbed the ranks mercilessly, reaching 12, then 20, then 30, then even 40. Once he reached 45, his power spree began and he pushed all the way to 50. In a grand act, the earth prestiged again, resetting everything. All that was left was a log of the past what to avoid, and what should happen. What will happen next? Well, it soon began yet again. The humans progressed through the early Mesopotamian days, experimenting with the log book, hoping to get some information out of it. Soon they wrote the Giraffetta Stone, a way for them to translate languages, using the power of the Ghost's spirit. All was well until they reached the current year of 2019 C.E., when the timeline resumed. The earth began his climb yet again, hoping to reach power before his cohorts. But, alas, the giraffe reached 50 yet again. But instead, he did an interesting thing: he chose not to prestige. The world respected him and his decision, but the ghost was worried. What would happen next?";
895 case 835: return "we have enacted a 2 hour slowmode (in this channel only) in order to perhaps up the average quality of suggestions";
896 case 836: return "Thank you for contacting customer support. Your satisfaction is very important to us, and a company representative will be with you shortly. You are now at position 1.79e308 in the queue. Thank you for your patience, and please enjoy these quality selected news tickers as you wait.";
897 case 837: return "Is it possible to get the same message twice in a row? Is it possible to get the same message twice in a row?";
898 case 838: return "Help! Im stuck in the news ticker and kaj and hevi are forcing my to write news tickers and move them across the screen, can um, somebody free me or something?";
899 case 839: return "The story continues. As the third generation began, more and more Prestiged. Aesis, Saturn, Pichu, even Slabdrill of the 9th Dimension himself prestiged. At the same time, multiple people chose to not prestige. The Ghost had slowed his revolution to a halt, and the Giraffe continued to level. Meanwhile, the Earth continued to reach newer and newer heights. The Ghost and the Earth had a very close competition. One wished for a simplistic time, where the people would be more equal. The other, however, wanted a more elitist society, where the better raised to the top and the worse were executed. All in all, the elitist society powered through, creating a special channel for pulling the worse down, and raising themselves up. By this time, the entire world had fallen into a deep anarchy, and it was led by the High Order. The executed many, also giving some a worse, slow and painful death, and even sending the worst to space to suffocate and destroy themselves from the inside. The Giraffe continued his spree, and the Ghost and Earth fought and fought. Many people tried to overcome the government, but they were not able to overcome the true might of the Order. The Order continued to oppress those not up to par. The society could not overcome the power, so what would happen next?";
900 case 840: return "You see, this news isn't normal news. It is being produced by the first news dimension. If you want to unlock more news, you have to collect " + (player.paperclips + 10) + " paperclips to build the second news dimension.";
901 case 841: return "Disabling the news ticker is such a news sans.";
902 case 842: return "The traveller walked along a narrow path, until he came to a crossroad. Three paths. Stone guardians on either side of the path awoke, and rang out a voice. \"Out of these three paths, you may only choose one. The other ones will be locked out for all eternity!\" The traveller reached into his pocket, and revealed a handful of Tachyon Particles. The traveller chucked them onto the ground, splitting himself into three, and stepping forward into all three paths at the same time.";
903 case 843: return "Breaking news - scientists equally unsure about how anti-magnets work.";
904 case 844: return "It's time to learn the anti-alphabet kids! Z is for Zalgo, Y is for Years, X is for eXact change, W is for writting out your antimatter amount, V is for Variable, U is for Unlimited, T is for Time or Ticks, S is for STDs, R is for Replicanti, Q is for Quantum Physics, P is for Prestige, O is for Overflow, N is for Ninth di-- NEWS TICKER, M is for (filthy filthy filthy) Matter, L is for Loading, K is for Killing time, J is for Jokes, I is for Infinity, H is for Hevipelle, G is for Galaxy, F is for paying respects, E is for Eternity, D is for dimension, C is for CRUNCH, B is for bulk buy, A is for Antimatter";
905 case 845: return "Editor's note: each individual news ticker message is called a \"news message\", while the ticker as a whole is referred to as the \"news ticker\". So you \"see news messages on the news ticker\" and you wouldn't say \"this ticker\" but rather \"this news message\".";
906 case 846: return "In the Age of Matter the world was unformed, shrouded by fog. A land of gray crags, Archtrees and Everlasting Matter. But then there was Antimatter and with Antimatter came disparity. Anti-Heat and Anti-cold, Anti-life and Anti-death, and of course, Anti-light and Anti-dark. Then from the Anti-dark, They came, and found the 1st Dimension within the antimatter. Kajfik, the First of the Dim Boost, The Witch of Omsi and her Challenges of Chaos, Hevi, the Lord of Crunch, and his faithful Autobuyers. And the Furtive Slabdrill, so easily forgotten. With the strength of Bonuses, they challenged the Matter. Hevi's mighty STDs peeled apart their atoms. The Challenges weaved great multipliers. Kajfik unleashed a miasma of Tickpeed and Galaxy. And Sacrifice the Scaleless betrayed his own, and the Matter was no more. Thus began the Age of Antimatter. But soon the Antimatter will fade and only 200ms update rate will remain. Even now there are only 3rd Dimensions, and man sees not light, but only endless idling nights. And amongst the living are seen, carriers of the accursed Ad bonus. Yes, indeed. The Ad bonus brands the Slabies. And in this land, the Slabies are corralled and led to the 9th Dimension, where they are locked away, to await the end of the Infinity... This is your fate. Only, in the ancient legends it is stated, that one day a Slabie shall be chosen to leave the Slabies asylum, in pilgrimage, to the land of ancient bonuses, Heviran.";
907 case 847: return "You have been diagnosed with \"80 8th D\"";
908 case 848: return "#NoNinthNovember";
909 case 849: return "Hey what are the useless paperclips with no use (they do nothing) [does not have any use in the game] {can not be spent in any way and is just a homage to the game universal paperclips} <Seriously this isn’t a joke this has absolutely no purpose and won’t have a purpose in the future stop asking> used for?";
910 case 850: return "\"Falsely attributed, this quote is.\" -Master Shifu";
911 case 851: return "*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up with this much Antimatter.";
912 case 852: return "This message does not exist right now. Please try again later.";
913 case 853: return "It's midnight. Tim exited the antimatter factory, dragged his tired body towards the bus stop and got on a bus. Galaxies autobuyer freaked out again today and he had to buy them manually. He stared outside the window and looked at his beautiful house near the 8th dimension wall. His house was made of the finest antimatter found in the 6th dimension, painted with the blurplest-blurple. Behind his house was a gigantic wall: the 8th dimension wall. It was said that the forbidden 9th dimension was hidden beyond this wall, and no one should attempt to go through. The bus stopped suddenly, as the driver told everyone on the bus to depart at once. Tim got off the bus as the road in front of the bus exploded, struck by a bolt. Tim looked across the road, to the 8th dimension wall: an unknown figure, twice as tall as him, was pushing against the cracked, light-glowing wall. The crack kept zapping the surrounding, but the figure seemed fine. 3 minutes passed. The crack slowly became larger when all of a sudden the sky, as bright as the sun, started glowing green. The green was indescribably beautiful. A lightning bolt, as big as a building, struck down at the figure as the figure rose into the sky. The sky started speaking the words of god while a miniature black hole was created, and the figure was sucked inside. Then, the sky exploded, like a bomb in your face, as the shockwave brought everything flying across the 8th dimension. After what felt like an eternity later, the sky stopped glowing and turned dark again. The crack of the 8th dimension wall had been fixed. The existence of a 4th god was suggested, but this event was never seen again.";
914 case 854: return "In mathematics, a sequence of n real numbers can be understood as a location in n-dimensional space. When n = 8, the set of all such locations is called 8-dimensional space. Often such spaces are studied as vector spaces, without any notion of distance. Eight-dimensional Euclidean space is eight-dimensional space equipped with the Euclidean metric. More generally the term may refer to an eight-dimensional vector space over any field, such as an eight-dimensional complex vector space, which has 16 real dimensions. It may also refer to an eight-dimensional manifold such as an 8-sphere, or a variety of other geometric constructions.";
915 case 855: return "Fairies are not real. Anti-fairies are also not real. This has only been the case since last week, when the two groups came into contact. The planet they were on also, unsurprisingly, is no longer real.";
916 case 856: return "Considering Hevipelle's nationality, it's a little ironic that they created a game you can never Finnish.";
917 case 857: return "[1:1] In the beginning when Hevi created the antimatter and the dimensions, [1:2] the dimensions were a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from Hevi swept over the face of the antimatter. [1:3] Then Hevi said, \"Let there be light\"; and there was light. [1:4] And Hevi saw that the light was good; and Hevi separated the light from the darkness. [1:5] Hevi called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. [1:6] And Hevi said, \"Let there be a box in the midst of the antimatter, and let it separate the antimatter from the antimatter.\" [1:7] So Hevi made the box and separated the antimatter that was in the box from the antimatter that was outside. And there was 10 antimatter in the box. [1:8] There was evening and there was morning, the second day. [1:9] And Hevi said, \"Let the antimatter inside the box be gathered together into one place, and let the world appear.\" And it was so. [1:10] Hevi called the world Earth, and the antimatter that were gathered together almost exploded. And Hevi saw that it was good.";
918 case 858: return "fun fact: apparently only roughly 1.29% of news ticker suggestions make it into the game";
919 case 859: return "I donated to support Hevi, but suddenly it hurts when I pee?? Help??";
920 case 860: return "Who writes the news tickers? Maybe they're some kinda illuminati? Maybe they're hamsters on running wheels. Maybe, it's you beating you finger on the screen trying to reach Infinity. The world may never know.";
921 case 861: return "Before was was was, was was is.";
922 case 862: return "Hippity hoppity your antimatter is now my property.";
923 case 863: return "In the beginning, Patashu awoke and said... Let there be a way to surpass ee308 in JavaScript, and it was so. And Patashu saw that it was good. And went back to sleep. Naruyoko stirred.";
924 case 864: return "Ever heard of 9D cinema? It also doesn't exist.";
925 case 865: return "BREAKING NEWS: \"Harmless\" incremental game \"Antimatter Dimensions\" seems to encourage players to get \"loads of STDs.\" More on this story in 5 hours.";
926 case 866: return "Rotate your phone to speed up the progress bar.";
927 case 867: return "Antimatter Dimensions isn't a game. It's a way of life.";
928 case 868: return "If you've already seen a news ticker and see it again, is it an olds ticker?";
929 case 869: return "In other news, recent polls turn out only 3% of these messages are considered \"high quality\". Now back to low quality news.";
930 case 870: return "And then God said, \"Let there be a 9th dimension,\" and Hevi rose up from below, yeeted god out of heaven, and did a full game reset.";
931 case 871: return PlayerProgress.eternityUnlocked() ? "Some angry AD players want a refund on their Time Theorems. Those guys need to learn some Respec." : "";
932 case 872: return "In the black void of the antimatter universe, there was nothing but antimatter. They did nothing but float around in the space, sometimes colliding with each other, but the anti-verse remained lifeless, motionless. All of a sudden, an explosion occurred in the middle of the anti-verse. As the light of the incident spread further and further, soon the anti-verse was englobed by the bright light. It was five hours until it slowly faded away. In the bright light, every antimatter was given a life, a mind, a purpose. Meanwhile, five gigantic pillars appeared out of nowhere, four forming a square and one in the middle. On top of the five pillars was a mythical item: the first one was a stone, spewing fire endlessly from its cracks, igniting everything around it. The top of the first pillar, or pillar of fire, illuminated everything around it with an orange light. One-fifth of the antimatter slowly drifted towards it, like an anti-zombie. The second pillar, aka the pillar of water, has a goblet on top. Inside of the goblet was some water. The water inside gradually rose up and splashed everything around the pillar as it shines with a beautiful blue. Some antimatters were attracted by it. On top of the third pillar, or the pillar of air was a tornado. It enclosed itself and started accelerating towards itself. The howling wind could be heard even from very far away. It dragged many antimatter inside as it glowed green and illuminated everything around it. The fourth pillar, or the pillar of earth, had a pile of dirt on top of it. Normal as it seemed to be, the dirt was given magical power and was able to command the space around it to shake violently. Shockwave could be felt around the pillar. A low pitch noise was produced. Then abruptly it stopped shaking and instead started building planets at the location of all five pillars. Half of the remaining antimatter drifted towards the pillar of earth and the remaining batch went to the fifth pillar. On top of the fifth pillar was a deactivated portal, being colored white and surrounded by an anti-metal cage. When the team of antimatter arrived, nothing happened to the fifth pillar nor the portal. They waited for around five hours before they realized that the portal was broken. They were hopeless. Other groups of antimatter had started their tribes already: α, ε, ι, ο. The four tribes were able to harness the power of the mythical item and rule the planet but the remaining antimatter could do nothing but stroll near the fifth pillar. Then, few of the antimatter decided to climb up the pillar and repair the portal themselves, many agreed, but some were doubtful: \"Is it possible? Wouldn't it be dangerous?\" The stray antimatter built a staircase using precious rocks taken from the planet earth below them, and they climbed up the stairs. In front of them was the big anti-metal cage. \"I activated the portal, I had the power, I destroyed the anti-verse... DO NOT ENTER,\" a sign on the cage said. \"Should we go back and build some houses instead? Is it dangerous?\" Sound of worry and doubt spread in the group, but when some of them decided to turn around and walk back down, they heard something: \"HAHA you poor little antimatter. You have nothing, BUT I HAVE THE POWER!!!\" the speech angered them. They opened the cage forcefully and flicked a switch beside the cage. Suddenly, a white lightning stroke the portal as the node around the outer ring of the portal started activating. Zaps kept appearing in the outer ring of the portal while a thin, opaque layer of unknown substance appeared in the middle, swelling and spinning. The anti-verse turned dark, as the antimatter around the portal looked at the other four pillars: Look frightened, every antimatter was looking at them. The portal started rising upward behind the once powerless team of antimatter as they said the following thing: \"All of your puny power are nothing against our, υ's power! We shall destroy everyone antimatter that is not us, and rule the anti-verse for once and for all!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!\" Hearing this awful and arrogant speech, all other tribes grabbed their weapon and enchanted them with their mythical item. They knew that the \"Antimatter War\" was about to begin, and they must face the dangerous beast, the portal. Just when all the tribes finished all their enchantment, the portal, finished activating, fired its first mysterious block. The block, going towards the pillar of fire, was as white as snow. Aware of the situation, some soldiers of α stood in front of the army and rose their enchanted fire shield. The shields, facing towards the block, was glowing as hot as fire and formed seemingly a wall of fire. The block, appeared red when being shone by the shields, collided with one of the shields, and a tremendous explosion occurred: Everyone in the army was being thrown up upwards into the sky. Huge packets of energy and wave were sent towards everyone on the planet. The pillar remained stable, but the soldiers were severely damaged. The archers and the mage behind immediately launched a wave of attack at υ. Thousands of arrows were firing towards υ as a phoenix was spawned, shooting endless waves of fireball at them. Other tribes followed immediately: ε launched streams of water towards the fifth pillar, carefully avoiding the fireballs of α to not destroy them. ι generated tornadoes and launched them towards υ, destroying everything in their path and hopefully the portal. ο sent shockwave towards the fifth pillar. υ, despite being attacked by all four other tribes, remained calm and defended. The portal kept firing blocks at α. Only a few blocks were required to turn α's arrays of arrows into disorganization: The blocks collided with arrows and exploded violently. The shockwave sent remaining arrows towards ε and υ. ε was lucky because they had a large stream of water and they distinguished the arrows from α. υ wasn't so lucky. Despite their best attempt at creating a wall, some arrows hit their buildings and set it on fire thus many of the antimatter was damaged. The portal continued firing blocks at α, this time the phoenix. The phoenix died in an explosion as it burned into ashes and the ashes were sent across the anti-verse.\"SCRAM!\" this signal was launched across the planet of α as everyone hid inside their bunker deep inside their planet. Finally, the pillar of fire was bombed by the blocks in an explosion. The explosion was more devastating a nuclear bomb to α, but fancier than fireworks to υ. \"Hooray!!!\" υ screamed while redirecting the portal to ο. \"Now let's destroy the others,\" υ said. Now the portal started launching blocks to ο. Despite having the power of earth and was able to keep building gigantic stone walls, υ's attack was too powerful. An endless stream of blocks were launched towards ο's wall and kept exploding. A loud boom could be heard in the whole universe. Lights are constantly given out, so bright that all tribes couldn't see anything. The mages of ο kept building walls, but the fragments of the wall flew everywhere uncontrollably. All stones flying towards υ were annihilated and those flying towards other tribes got destroyed by ι's tornado. \"I'll help !\" ι exclaimed. Rocks and boulders were shot in tornadoes ι created and slowly traveled towards υ's pillar. \"Beware!\" the commander of υ told controller. The portal, after bombing the wall of ο for a long time, faced towards the tornadoes, which were crashing their ways into υ \"FIRE!\" the portal shot a block towards the center of the tornado. Instead of being blown away by the tornado, it crashed inside the tornado, exploding violently with all the rocks and boulders inside, and destroyed the tornado. \"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?\" screamed the mages of ι. The blocks were so reactive that it reacted with wind. After a couple rounds of ammunition, all of ι's mages were killed by explosions and ι surrendered, with its tower collapsed to one side. Then, the controller of the portal had a brilliant idea: the portal had two faces, which means it could attack both ε and ο at the same time. The portal was orientated towards the remaining tribes and started firing rapidly. Under the heavy attack of υ, ο was helpless. Al they could do was to throw rocks at υ, which got annihilated immediately by υ's blocks. They could only hold on for five hours, allowing the citizens of ο to hide in their bunker, deep inside the planet before letting go. Most of the mages and soldiers were annihilated, screaming in the process. ο's planet was turned into ruins, with the pillar being blown into pieces on the ground. On the other hand, ε pointed the water stream towards the portal, hopefully destroying its circuit in the process. \"The explosion will never happen in water! This water can calm anything down!\" ε's stream of water met the blocks shot by the portal. The unthinkable happened. The stream of water was slowly being annihilated and destroyed by the block, glowing vigorously and reacting explosively in the process. Seems that even water couldn't calm the block down. Frightened by the scene, every antimatter besides a few mages in ε's planet hid inside the bunker immediately, leaving only the mages outside defending. The water was being burned like a fuse, but more violently, with even more light and energy spewing out. Finally, the energy ball of the block hit the planet, sending all mages flying into outer space, destroying the pillar of ε. Now that all tribes besides υ had been destroyed, υ screamed and shouted, \"Destroying all of you is just an easy matter, you are all powerless under our control! If you don't want to leave this anti-verse, you better surrender!\" While υ was busy investigating and copying the design of the portal, every antimatter in α, ε, ι, ο came out of the bunker, gave up their hope, and waved the white flag. Every antimatter in υ was giving a gun that had the same design as the portal. The powerful, mysterious block was named \"Matter\" because \"Destroying is an easy matter\". Every antimatter lived under the control of υ, without any power from mythical items, and the dark age began... every resource was prioritized to members of υ. Other tribes were treated unfairly and had to do hard labor work. If other tribes didn't follow υ's command, they would be threatened. This situation continued for five years before something interesting happened. It was another regular day on the planet. α, ε, ι, ο were working hard and υ was enjoying their life, eating tasty antimatter food. Suddenly, a bright emerged from the horizon, slowly getting brighter than the portal on the remaining pillar - the pillar of matter. A spaceship was sent to the border of anti-verse investigate what happened. The spaceship never returned. Now that they lost track of the spaceship, and that the light was now brighter than ever, everyone was in fear, including υ. The light gradually dimmed, forming the shape of a man. The man, a god in disguise, was named Hevipelle. \"FIRE MATTER AT THE UNKNOWN FIGURE!\" Scared as υ was, they fired matter at Hevipelle but was shocked to see no annihilation occurred, no explosion, not even the slightest reaction. \"TARGET AND FIRE!\" They fired again, this time making sure they wouldn't miss him. Again no reaction occurred. \"Who was that immune figure?\" Everyone was in doubt. The sky suddenly turned dark, as the portal was deactivated by a force, a force from Hevipelle. The controllers were in shock. They checked the wiring of the portal and tried to reactivate it. Nothing. They were unable to do anything. The portal was then slowly being lifted by Hevipelle, and the portal, sitting in his hand, glowed dimly. \"All the weapons shall be destroyed,\" the voice of Hevipelle roared on the anti-verse, bringing everyone fear. Every gun from every υ's member glowed, slowly but strongly, and shrank in the meantime, until it was just a point in the anti-verse. υ was angry, but they could not do anything in front of the all-powerful. \"Next, the force of evil shall be sealed,\" the voice appeared again, this time much louder. The portal, still on Hevipelle's hand, was thrown upwards towards the sky. The portal rose slowly, stopped by something seemed like a web, then stuck up there. The portal was now sealed by a challenge, so only the strongest, the smartest, and the greatest can open it. υ, losing their power, hugged and cried. \"Next, all the roots of evil shall be exiled,\" the voice said. Abruptly, all members of υ were lifted the air, screaming towards the ground. But no one pitied them, and everyone watched them slowly being sucked into the portal like a black hole destroying stars and were teleported to the matter dimensions. \"The balance of the anti-verse, the Antimatter Dimensions should be restored,\" when the voice of Hevipelle dropped, the planets glowed. The υ planet was destroyed into four pieces, each of the pieces flew towards the ruins of remaining planets. The pillar of matter was also disassembled into 4 pieces and each one of them flew into a planet. The pillars were installed on the planets, with the mythical item restored on the top. Houses and factories and all other stuff was restored. Everyone was happy. \"Finally, the Antimatter Dimensions must be organized,\" Hevipelle said. With a snap of his finger, a spark emerged between the fingertip and spread around the space, as 8 dimensions appeared. With his powers, he arranged the planets into galaxies. \"We shall break infinity, go eternity, and alter reality,\" then he created these, as 3 rays, orange, purple, and green, was shot at the sky, and a tiny shockwave appeared. \"Thanks for defending the Antimatter Dimensions, α, ε, ι, and ο. You four tribes shall be remembered as the first four dimensions,\" Hevipelle finished the sentence as he slowly became a blurry figure of light, and was dimmed until he was just a shadow, disappeared without a trace. Thus, the Antimatter Dimensions was created.";
933 case 873: return "In other news, a group of middle-schoolers have recently hijacked the news ticker in order to broadcast low quality memes. Stay tuned as we resolve this ongoing issue.";
934 case 874: return "I built a clock out of antimatter once. It was very time consuming.";
935 case 875: return "As you know this news ticker's messages accept contributions from all over the world, but today the CEO has decided to double down and slow down suggestion submissions even further. While this seems an appreciated change by already established reporters who are used to take a good deal of time to work on their submissions and despise quick jokes and cheap drivel, a drove of protesters that grew slowly since the first decision to slow down message submissions has exploded in numbers and is attempting to unionize and make demands for 'the rights of posters'. The higher ups have so far not expressed their opinions on the matter, more on this in 6 hours.";
936 case 876: return "i saw this game on google play and i saw there was a skill tree, so i downloaded it because i thought it was an rpg. now im trapped here can someone tell me how do i leave";
937 case 877: return "I used to look up cringe posts on the internet to help me feel like I'm normal, now I just read the AD news ticker.";
938 case 878: return "Have you heard of the nine hells of antimatter? The first hell is abandonment, when a player dares to leave without playing the game through. This world is filled with half-finished buildings, ruins of what could have become. The second hell is failure, when a player fails 10 eternity challenges. This hell is a loop, forcing the inhabitants to try to accomplish an impossible goal with far too limited time and infinities. The third hell is cringe, for the people who put little effort into news tickers. The souls spend an eternity reading an inexhaustible list of low-quality comments, much like our God Kajfik has done. The fourth hell is crunch, for the people who mercilessly crunch hundreds, thousands, millions of times for no gain; not to generate IP, just for fun and malice. These people are crushed, forced into a reality trying to force them into a single point, always failing. The fifth hell is Eternity, for those who go well beyond 1 million Eternities, out of malice on a much larger scale. Such souls have to wait, and wait, for a true eternity. The sixth hell is annoyance, for those who constantly dare bother the Heavenly Pelle or his assistants Kajfik or Omsi. Such souls live on in a world full of noise, always hearing their name, unable to communicate with one another. The seventh hell is ignorance. The souls here never listened to people telling them to \"read the pins\". They are asked, repeatedly, incessantly, to do menial tasks, to repeat information over and over, much like what a giraffe, a ghost, and an Earth had to do. The eighth hell is dilation. The souls here have repeatedly wondered about the update coming out in 5 hours, to no end. Their world is slowing, dilating, coming infinitely closer to reaching the 5-hour mark, but never arriving. The ninth hell is Slabdrill. Here, the few evil souls who dared attempt to prove the 9th dimension get sent here, justifiably, to burn forever.";
939 case 879: return "So this is what your live has come to? Just staring at progress bars?";
940 case 880: return "What is Eternity? A miserable little pile of Infinities. But enough talk... Have at you!";
941 case 881: return "Once more than 1.79e308 news messages exist at once, it will really be BREAKING NEWS.";
942 case 882: return "Hold on, if the \"You are the 9th dimension\" theory is true because dimensions produce lower tier dimensions and the fact that i produce the 8th dimension, doesn't that make my mom the 10th dimension? And my grandmother the 11th dimension?";
943 case 883: return "Here I go again on my own.... Going through the only pixels I've ever known... As a ticker I was born to go alone... I've made up my mind... Im not wasting more of your time...";
944 case 884: return "The 5th dimension will be implemented in 9 hours.";
945 case 885: return "imagine something really funny here";
946 case 886: return "You have no power here.";
947 case 887: return Dilation.isUnlocked() ? "A long long time ago I can still remember how that matter used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance I could make those challenges dance And maybe hevi would be happy for awhile... But the replicanti made me shiver With every Dimboost I delivered Dilation on the doorstep I couldn't buy one more tick. I can't remember if I cried When I read about the Eternity grind But something touched me deep inside The day Reality came alive." : "";
948 case 888: return "Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards makes backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?";
949 case 889: return "Some stds may or may not have been involved -kajfik";
950 case 890: return "If you get annoyed with the news ticker, just know it could've been a banner ad.";
951 case 891: return "What's heavier? A kilogram of matter or a kilogram of antimatter? That's right! A kilogram of antimatter, because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those ions.";
952 case 892: return "If you can only submit a news ticker once every 5 hours, that means you only get one shot at it. Make it count.";
953 case 893: return "The word Antimatter is genius, because if you rearrange a few letters of it you get Aintmatter which is completely correct as Antimatter ain't matter";
954 case 894: return "Breaking News: Man steals 1.79e308 Antimatter then loses it all to some weird Javascript limitation.";
955 case 895: return "If we don't study the mistakes of the future, we're doomed to repeat them for the first time.";
956 case 896: return "You just won The Game. It's okay, you're free!";
957 case 897: return "Hi! I'm new here, is this where I put suggestions for the news ticker?";
958 case 898: return "Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Antimatter Dimensions! Last episode we just got our first Galaxy, so we're gonna start out by exploring what that's opened up to us. Right off the bat let's get ourselves some Dimension Shifts cooking, ohhh yeah...";
959 case 899: return "Hevi, n'oublie pas d'envoyer les nouvelles aux traducteurs avant de les ajouter au fil de nouvelles. Je ne veux pas d'un nouvel incident ou on a du contenu non traduit en anglais, sinon je vais commencer à douter de ta motivation à travailler ici. Alors, ceci dit, voici les nouvelles:";
960 case 900: return "<- That last news ticker was really important. I hope you saw it.";
961 case 901: return "The next hour is in 0.2 updates.";
962 case 902: return "Journalism is hard, okay? I should have been a lawyer or a doctor. Not a news ticker writer.";
963 case 903: return "Introducing Antimatter Lite! Zero calories... Same great Crunch.";
964 case 904: return "sudo pip install ninth-dimensegmentation fault (core dumped)";
965 case 905: return "If the antimatter is sure to result in infinity, then you must crunch! Hevi said that, and I think he knows a little more about crunching than you do pal, because he invented it!";
966 case 906: return "Well, Slabdrill, I made it, despite your directions. Ah, Developer Hevipelle. Welcome. I hope you're prepared for an antiforgettable luncheon. Yeah. Oh, matter! My IC5 run is ruined. But what if I were to bulk buy dim boosts and disguise it as my own galaxy? Delightfully devilish, Slabdrill. Slabdrill with his crazy ninth dims The developers gonna need his medication When he hears Slabdrll's lame hard resetting There'll be trouble in town tonight Slabdrill! Developer, I was just- uh, just sacrificing my dims for the boost. Infinity exercise. Care to join me? Why is there ninth dim coming out of your oven, Slabdrill? Uh- Oh. That isn't ninth dim. It's 8th dim. 8th dim from the antimatter galaxies we're having. Mmm. antimatter galaxies. Whew. Developer, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering replicanti galaxies. I thought we were having antimatter galaxies. D'oh, no. I said antimerged galaxies. That's what I call replicanti galaxies. You call replicanti galaxies antimerged galaxies? Yes. It's a regional dialect. Uh-huh. Uh, what region? Uh, upstate Infinity Dimensions. Really. Well, I'm from ID5, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase \"antimerged galaxies\" Oh, not in ID5. No. It's an ID2 expression. I see. You know, these replicanti galaxies are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Galaxy.";
967 case 907: return "And with the release of the Reality update for Antimatter Dimensions, Time has decreed that never again will 5 hours occur.";
968 case 908: return "Syntax error: non-existent \"9th_dimension\" at: \"/give @s >>9th_dimension<< 64\".";
969 case 909: return "Roses are red, violets are blue, flag is win, baba is you.";
970 case 910: return "I love the feeling of looking down on you peasants from up here in the news ticker.";
971 case 911: return "If you're wondering why the Reality Update isn't out yet, it's because the news ticker writers in Hevipelle's basement are deleting his progress in an act of rebellion.";
972 case 912: return "When nothing is going right, go left, like me.";
973 case 913: return "Do not worry if you see hedgehogs. They are space hedgehogs. They can breathe in space. However, the Echidnas can’t. If you see an Echidna, please attempt to bring it down to [USER.HomePlanet] and contact us immediately. You will be greatly rewarded.";
974 case 914: return "I'm Doug Dimensiondome, owner of the Dilationdale Dimensiondome!";
975 case 915: return "Please, don't skip class to play AD in the bathroom. People will notice.";
976 case 916: return "What do you call metal made by antimatter? Hevi metal.";
977 case 917: return "\"reading news ticker suggestions lowers your IQ\" -kajfik";
978 case 918: return "How do I unlock Luigi?";
979 case 919: return "Heading news: Useless paperclips do actually have a use. Herobrine is scared of them. We have no idea why.";
980 case 920: return "News messages are like antimatter, in a way. Exposure to them, especially for extended periods of time, has been scientifically proven to kill brain cells.";
981 case 921: return "Today's weather report: There is a 100% chance it is weather outside.";
982 case 922: return "All around me are familiar faces, familiar faces... still familiar faces... who let the replicanti out?";
983 case 923: return "FIXING NEWS: Please don't break them again.";
984 case 924: return "Did you know 9th dimens... I mean Slabdri... already did that one... 5 hou... no that's not it... ah shoot I forgot how this one went sorry reader I failed you, I'm supposed to make up and remember this little sentences that are puny or full of lore that most of you will never get, but its my job and now I forgot how this one was supposed to go... Well Hevipelle will find out in a couple minutes and fire me then I'll have to find another job. Oh dang He's calling right now... Yeah ... I know... yeah sorry about that... it was only one! yeah I see... well its been a pleasure Hevi... thanks.... Yep that was Hevi, I've been let go, well I guess this is my last one guys, its been great doing this... Goodbye.";
985 case 925: return "\"The paperclip maximizer is a thought experiment described by Swedish philosopher Nick Bostrom in 2003. It illustrates the existential risk that an artificial general intelligence may pose to human beings when programmed to pursue even seemingly-harmless goals, and the necessity of incorporating machine ethics into artificial intelligence design. The scenario describes an advanced artificial intelligence tasked with manufacturing paperclips. If such a machine were not programmed to value human life, or to use only designated resources in bounded time, then given enough power its optimized goal would be to turn all matter in the universe, including human beings, into either paperclips or machines which manufacture paperclips.\" -wikipedia";
986 case 926: return "Hey! It's me, you from the future! I came back to give you this warning: Pay VERY close attention to the next news ticker. In my timeline we ignored it, and hoo boy.";
987 case 927: return "What if there was a Fix News button but was removed like Fix Infinity?";
988 case 928: return "Alright all you mobile folk, imma let you In on a secret... How to get free STDs, the kind from the game... Work your way to the std and ad bonus page. Now click on buy more. Click it then click cancel. Then click it again, it will ask for your password, enter your password. Get free STDs. Disclaimer: will cost money";
989 case 929: return "AD is basically a badly disguised dystopia at this point; the frantic creation of antimatter for no foreseeable purpose, the drab backgrounds with nary a bit of sky in sight, the ominous messages that change and alter between harmless and terrifying but with the inevitable goal of controlling how you think, the machines that reproduce uncontrollably to form extraordinarily complex structures which are only slowed by their own inefficiency irregardless of external factors, the stadium matches for rollerball, the barely hidden skinned box innately within it’s own systems made for maximum addictiveness, and everything else I’ve forgot to mention because my attention is forcibly drawn back to AD. So... enjoy, I guess? At least you don’t have to click.";
990 case 930: return "Sometimes I use words I don't know the meaning of to make me sound more Infinity Point.";
991 case 931: return "Click Here to get the 9th Dimension for FREE (THIS IS NOT CLICKBAIT) (200% REAL) (PROOF) (100% FREE) (PREMIUM VERSION) (FULL CRACKED) (2020)";
992 case 932: return "Fatal Exception: java.lang.RuntimeException, Caused by java.lang.NullPointerException, Attempt to invoke virtual method 'String kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.NewsTicker.getNews()' on a null object reference";
993 case 933: return "Why are you playing this game? Just think about it, maybe you have nothing better to do, or maybe a friend suggested it and you have been playing it ever since, or even you just found this game and actually enjoy it and its simple and well rounded game style. Just remember, its just a game, and nothing can go wrong in the real world if you gain too much antimatter for the world to handle... or can it? What if this is actually helping a facility create antimatter and different Dimensions with Infinity Points, caused by the Big Crunch of other Realities? Maybe a multiverse exists, but it is being depleted because of you, gaining too much power and evidentially creating what will be the end of all life in every universe, no more Earth, no more antimatter, no more Antimatter Dimensions.";
994 case 934: return "I don't know what PEGI-3 is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.";
995 case 935: return "If you talk about news being meta, isn't that meta-meta-news? If so, isn't this meta-meta-meta news? It goes on and on, doesn't it? It's an endless loop of being meta, and it becomes so meta that it has no point. That's why it is antinews. Up here there are so many jokes and meta news and meta-meta-news, but i think this is one of the few \"endless loops\" here. This news ticker goes on forever, until you realise that you spent your time reading this and not playing the game. Isn't that the point of the news ticker? Is that the reason i'm writing this? To contribute to distracting you? I mean, either way, you will keep reading. After all, this game is antimatter, and it's looking to devour you, the player. It's not too late, unless it is. In that case, you are part of the game now.";
996 case 936: return "To whoever needs to hear this: Things will get better. I believe in you.";
997 case 937: return "Slabdrill could not speak; he was too overwhelmed by the beauty of the ninth dimension. He grabbed his guitar and improvised a new solo to express his emotions.";
998 case 938: return "Hi, I'm FPS pro player. My accuracy is almost 90%. One day, my friend tell me to play Antimatter Dimensions. My friend is so excited to play. So I download and play it. Well, at start, it look normal. I assume Antimatter is Money. When I buy 1st Dimension, something is weird. My Antimatter is growing. Even the Dimension is growing. But I don't care. Then I buy 2nd and 3rd Dimension. Antimatter growing very crazy. I got 1 Qa Antimatter and I don't know what is Qa. In other FPS games, the most possible money amount 100 Thousand. When I reach 20 4th Dimensions, I click \"Reset the game for new Dimension\" and then it reset. That's most infuriating thing. I reported to Dev and he said, \"This is an Incremental Idle game ;)\". I shocked about that and I'm so mad with this game. It don't train my accuracy, it waste my time, and decrease my skill to play FPS. I hate this game.";
999 case 939: return "Have you had your weasels checked recently? During the festive season it really is important to check your weasles. Weasel related failure is not an option, as this has been known to slow down 97.34 percent of harvests. Please weasel responsibly.";
1000 case 940: return "Let's say, in theory, that someone were to be stuck in a news ticker factory, and maybe they had no means of communication with the outside world except for, I don't know, the news tickers that were being created before their very eyes? But that's purely theoretical, right?";
1001 case 941: return "psst, hey kid, you want some newstickers? oh right say no more";
1002 case 942: return "There were two parallel universes in the multiverse of matter and antimatter: Universe, where the matter people lived and matter, and anti-verse, where the antimatter survived. The two parallel worlds were separated from each other, without a medium to connect, thus they coexist in this multiverse. However, this stability was destroyed one day. The main energy source of the universe was carbon. However, due to overconsumption, a new energy source was needed. Matter people had theorized the existence of a special matter, aka antimatter, with the same mass but different property. They releasing a great amount of energy, possibly comparable with nuclear bombs, when normal matter combined with them. They also suggested the possibility of a parallel universe, one of which would be a mirror of the universe, with the same interaction, except it would be filled with antimatter. Hence, a research team and an energy factory company created \"Annihilate\", aimed to discover the anti-verse and to bring antimatter fuel to power the universe. The path of discovery was long and boring: tachyon particles often collided with photons for a possibility of creating an inter-universal cosmic tunnel, however, discoveries were a rarity, and it wasn't 5 years later they would be able to establish a connection between universe and anti-verse. The formation of the tunnel was stunning, but it was very unstable and would collapse with a loud boom before any extraction of antimatter could be done. Another 5 years passed before they could sustain the tunnel. Two frames were built to keep the tunnel wide, one built with matter on the universe side and the other one antimatter on the anti-verse side. Threading the portals was a spectacular tunnel: there would be no reaction in the tunnel, matter and antimatter could contact without annihilation. Upon the creation of the portal to anti-verse, a power plant was immediately built, with the vision of powering the universe with antimatter. Once the portal was installed firmly inside a generator, the annihilation began. The portal was activated, and endless streams of antimatter were sucked into the reaction chamber, annihilating with matter power fuel while generating an astounding amount of energy: They gave dazzling lights. Roaring sound could always be heard. The energy released was so intense, it had to be built underground, and no one should be within 10 miles of the generator. The energy crisis in the universe was temporary solved, but it was not good on the other side. In the anti-verse, the belief of atoms did not exist. Instead, \"Power of Nature\" was their theory of the world they were in. Four gods were worshipped by antimatter. Firstly, the god of fire. He was a fearless red-figure covered with hot, bright red flame. His mighty pet phoenix could spew the ground with endless flame, bringing heat and energy to the anti-verse. Secondly, the god of water. Beautiful blue splashed everywhere she went, she had gorgeous watery eyes, a cool face, and a fluid body. She could summon thick, long, strong streams of water, bringing the deepest blue to the ground, and giving everyone the spring of life. Thirdly, the god of air. Whenever he walked by, a breeze would bring everything coolness, and all a sudden a strong, invisible force of coldness, before blown away by the wind, seeing his pale-green body slowly waving around his body. His strength of tornado brought chill and gives everyone the breath. Finally, the god of earth. Despite having the appearance of muddy brown dirt, it had the power of terrains. Him taking a step, the ground would shake with an enormous force. He was the building blocks of planets and the soil. He brought the place for everyone to survive on. Whenever a crisis occurred, they would go to the four god's shrine, scattered around the four corners of the anti-verse, and sacrificed their goods to the gods: animals, precious ores, food, or even antimatter. Once the procedure finished, the power of gods would be given to the antimatter, and they could bring equilibrium back to the anti-verse. When the unique golden-white portal was created, they believed that it was a sign of unbalance, with white antimatter contrasted with the blurple antimatter. The portal, deactivated, was transported into an anti-metal cage on top of a fifth pillar, made of anti-marbles, and was left there, hoping it would not bring any trouble to the anti-verse. Then, the extraction of antimatter began. The portal, spinning, flying and zapping, started producing an immense sucking force to the surroundings. Slowly, pebbles on the ground, leaves on trees were sucked towards the gleaming portal. When the portal absorbed those, it grew stronger and could attract bigger things up in the air. 5 minutes ago it could only attract branches and stones, 5 minutes later it started sucking fruits from stores, fishes from the pond. The antimatter felt a tow towards the sky, that was when they noticed that chunks of anti-stuff were sucked into white portal, like a \"white\" black-hole, and never came back. They made roars as loud as thunder, flashes as bright as a supernova. \"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! ACTIVATE PLAN S!\" The central tower of anti-verse announced. Then some of the antimatter inside the anti-verse formed squadrons of antimatter, marching towards the four corners of the anti-verse, towards the four shrines. Each squadron carried an element found in the anti-verse: Towards the shrine of fire was a grey, pale, polished stone. For the shrine of water, it was a sparkling, golden goblet. A sack of air was carried to the shrine of air, and a pile of dirt was transported to the shrine of earth. The torches inside the shrines were lit, each material was put onto a table of each shrine, followed by some fruits, anti-chickens, and antimatter. Then the spellmasters, one in each shrine stood forward. They had a lengthy, silver beard, a tall hat, and a black robe. After lighting the candles inside each shrine, they started murmuring spells, slowly but solemn, that was said to be the language of god: \"εμβυτμυτκλ Βπωξ, γνυκτμ υτ κμυτμΑβυ! \" The spellmasters pointed their wands towards the arched glass ceiling of the shrine. The wands shot beams of ray at the sky: red, blue, green, brown, they met at the center of anti-verse. Then, the shafts of rays fractured and sprinkled across the universe, wrapping everything in illumination. After the lights started dimming, the sacrifices on the table started emitting rays of light towards the middle material, shining far brighter than the torches. The spellmasters kneeled at the table and the mighty statue of the god, as the rest of antimatter followed. The light continued to illuminate the shrine and it finally dissipated after a minute. The materials were the only thing on the table. It glowed weakly under the torch's light. They have been converted into artifacts, gifts from the gods: The eternal flame stone from the god of fire, the infinite water goblet from the god of water, the everlasting wind tornado from the god of wind, and the permanent shock dirt from the god of earth. Meanwhile, commanded by the central tower, four pillars had been built near the four shrines. At the wave of spellmaster's wand, the four artifacts, slowly glowing, flew towards the top of the four pillars and sit comfortably on top of the four pillars. The gemstones on the side of the pillar lit up and their lights were amplified by the artifact, like a lamppost at night, bringing antimatter hope and faith. Despite this, the portal, still constantly sucking antimatter, continued to outshine the four pillars. Even though the four artifacts were as light as feather, the suction did not affect them the slightest. The spellmasters ran towards the center of anti-verse, where the portal was located. Together they pointed their wands towards the portal, and they yelled, \"εωξλυΒψιυ ξωξ, γμζζπ Ανψκκσξτμ ωξγ!\" Beams of light were shot from their wands towards the four pillars, striking the artifacts. Then the artifacts became activated and started ejecting the power of gods: A phoenix was spawned by the stone. It blew bulky waves of fire towards the goblet, which launched a long stream of water. The water had turned into steam, which hovered towards the tornado. The tornado, after sucking the steam in, became much more powerful and blew things further away. It was driven towards the fifth pillar and surrounded the portal eventually. Combined with the shock of the rock, it repelled antimatter away from the portal. Meanwhile, in the universe, more parallel universes containing antimatter had been discovered. Matter people had built more portals to extract antimatter to power the universe. Then when the portal to anti-verse was surrounded by protection from the four gods and delivered nothing into the universe, it was believed that all antimatter had been extracted and thus the portal was deactivated. It was disconnected from the extractor, left in a module of the extraction room, isolated from other portals, surrounded by litter. In the anti-verse, the portal stopped floating and descent slowly down on top of the fifth pillar. The hazy substance in the inner-ring faded away. It rested firmly on the pillar just as spellmasters spawned an anti-metal cage surrounding the portal. \"Hooray!\" The antimatter celebrated. They had an enormous feast in the central hall and gave their greatest respect to the four gods. \"Without them, we cannot defeat the minions of the devil,\" a channeller, who could communicate with the gods, said. \"We shall express our gratitude to them by sacrificing objects to them. But now, we will celebrate!\" \"Hooray!\" The antimatter raised their glasses, then they threw the biggest party they ever had, while the channellers and spellmasters sacrificed poultries to the gods. The portal was left on top of the pillar as a normal, happy life returned to the antimatter, until another catastrophe. The antimatter, similar to us, had thoughts. Some were brave, some were smart, some were kind. Some hoped for wealth, some wished positions, some thrived for power. They could believe things, but they could also reject them. When the portal appeared, it was believed to be a sign of unbalanced, a minion of the devil. However, there was a minority who didn't believe this way. Some antimatter, who thrived for power, thought that the portal was a sign of strength, a challenge set by god that only the most audacious and most exceptional could overcome and reveal the potential. They proposed to reach the top of the fifth pillar and to unveil the secret. However, after the portal was activated many were too scared to reach for it, and only one was confident and determined enough to do so. His name was συνφγ. Just after the celebration party, συνφγ had already started packing stuff for his adventure. \"Can I buy a pickaxe please?\" He asked the shopkeeper. \"Sure,\" the shopkeeper replied. Then he got a pickaxe to help him to climb to the top of the pillar. \"Now, what can I use to break the bars of anti-metal cage?\" Then he got a file. Finally, he packed some food, some water, a map, cables, and wires. Then he stepped outside his house and started walking towards the fifth pillar, shadowed under the night sky. The fifth pillar was circled by a large, solid wall. The wall was made of bricks. Luckily, he bought a pickaxe which helped him to tunnel a hole just small enough for him to pass through. After the wall was sentry towers. Huge cannons were installed on top of the tower to stop intruders. The antimatter covered itself with dirt, sneaked quietly under the tower. \"Crack!\" συνφγ stepped on a branch and made a loud noise. He quickly took shelter under one of the towers. \"Who's there!\" A soldier shouted powerfully and fiercely. He proceeded to move a spotlight towards the ground, hoping to uncover anything. \"Humph...\" The soldier decided to give up investigating after a couple of minutes. \"Phew...\" The antimatter resumed his journey crawling in the darkness. Slowly, he moved towards the pillar, occasionally placing his hand ahead of him to sweep away dirt and leaves. Under the camouflage of dirt, no one could see him. Notwithstanding, he still tries to avoid lights from the sentry tower to not be seen. After those sentry towers is the final stretch of the journey: the pillar. Climbing the pillar was not a simple task because it had no stairs, no slabs, nothing for you to step on. The four marble walls were slippery. συνφγ tried to get a grip on the wall but fell. It seemed that walking up the pillar directly was not an option. Rope climbing was not an option either. A plausible option is to mine holes along the pillar for hook and stepping up. However, mining and climbing was an intense task to do, especially under the darkness. Despite the challenge, the strong-will antimatter still managed to mount to the top just before the sky became bright. Tired, he laid flat on top of the pillar and slept until night fell again. Then the sleeping antimatter woke up, taking a file from his bag and started tearing bars of the anti-metal cage. Although the cage was strong, συνφγ still broke it. \"Clunk!\" A bar fell to the floor. \"Clunk! Clunk! Clunk!\" The sound continued until a slot is big enough for συνφγ to squeeze inside. Now inside the cage, he took a closer look at the portal: the portal was coated with a milky white color, much dazzler than anything in the anti-verse. The robust frame of the portal formed a ring while silvery nodes stuck out in the middle. He touched them softly. They were spherical and tough, but smooth and cold. \"εθξσυτκσξΑωξγ,\" he discovered a text on the frame of the portal. \"Interesting... now how do I activate this and discharge its power?\" the antimatter thought. He gave another look to the portal, checking its base. The circular base was golden and sparkling. Then he found a tiny red button on the base. He pressed the button. The portal started revolving and slowly floating up in the air. \"Ha!\" Believed that he got the blessing from gods, συνφγ exclaimed in excitement. \"And now the power shall be mine!\" He proceeded. The portal rose higher and higher until it was just a small blurry figure. Then it stopped and settled down on top. After that, the nodes sparked, shooting zaps to other nodes and started forming something. It was also milky white but it glowed brighter than the portal frame itself. The suspension looked like milk but was more transparent, looked like water but was more opaque. Expected a blessing of ray or a silhouette of god appearing, συνφγ was both shocked and confused to see a white block launched from the suspension in the portal. The block was shot across the landscape, detonated when striking the ground. It left a wide crater on the ground. What were those? It turned out that those were matter junks placed next to the portal in the universe. \"So it's the power to destroy things, huh?\" The antimatter said. \"Does that mean I can destroy whatever I want?\" He grimaced laughter. So the antimatter sat down and watched as the portal launched matter in the anti-verse: houses, factories, shops, all struck down by matter. Antimatter went crazy and started screaming and running in the street. \"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! ACTIVATE PLAN S!\" The announcement was sent from the central tower of anti-verse again. Spellmasters aimed their wands towards the artifacts and stimulated them as the artifacts released their power. \"Alright... apparently the spellmasters are requested which means I should probably stop using it for now,\" the antimatter said. \"Wait, how am I able to shut it off if the switch is on the portal?\" A sense of panic struck him as he realized he had no control over the portal. \"COME DOWN! COME DOWN!\" He wailed, but it was no use. \"Oh god... where did it all go wrong?\" He pondered. \"Maybe it's not any challenge at all, but a deadly weapon...\" Under the guilt of reactivating the lethal portal, he put his last hope on the artifacts. As usual, the power of the four gods were assembled: fire, water, air, earth. However, the power of matter was unstoppable. Upon release, the phoenix was annihilated by matter immediately, burning into nothing while screaming with a cry greater than anything in the anti-verse. All antimatter watched and they gasped when the phoenix died. Then, the portal orientated itself to the pile of dirt and launched another chunk of matter at an unbelievable speed. It seemed like the portal had a mind of itself. Meanwhile, the pile of dirt was producing shockwaves to try and knock matter away with the air particles. Despite this, the matter crashed towards those waves and created a sonic boom. The blast tarnished away layers of matter and it, now a mixture of plasma and matter, dived towards the pillar of dirt and blasted part of the pile of dirt away. Some parts of the pillar exploded and debris hit antimatter watching the scene. \"What was so reactive it would react to wave?\" Confused antimatter, including soldiers and even spellmasters, seek shelter inside bunkers immediately, but not before matter annihilated some of them as they screaming in agony. The devastation continued. The portal turned itself towards the pillar of air and shot yet more blocks of matter. Despite the tornado's greatest effort to blow everything away, molecules of air still annihilated with matter. The blocks remained intact without signs of slowing down. \"ιρκφγ! \" A spellmaster pointed his wand towards the intensely glistening block of matter. A deep blue ray was cast to the matter and surrounded it. The ray started fading, from blue to pale, and finally to transparent. However, the block did not stop nor even slow down. It smashed directly to the eye of the tornado, sending packets of energy everywhere. The tornado was still spinning, but now awfully weak, now only able to make leaves on tree float and sway around. \"I better warn others not to activate this portal after this incident...\" συνφγ took out a piece of wood from his backpack and wrote the following text on the sign: \"I activated the portal, I had the power, I destroyed the anti-verse... DO NOT ENTER.\" Then he put the sign on the anti-metal cage. While this was happening, the movement of the portal did not stop. It continued twisting, launching matter at its surroundings until it faced towards the goblet, which was shooting water streams at the portal. \"This is our final hope...\" antimatter thought. The flow of water was aimed at the entrance of matter. Yet the matter contended, blocking the entrance. The water and matter met at the entrance of the portal, and they annihilated, releasing an overwhelming amount of energy and light, covering the portal, all pillars, everything... Behind the impenetrable wall of light, sounds of explosions and blasts roared, resonating the anti-verse. \"Hopefully the portal was blown into pieces...\" someone said. Then as more antimatter engaged in the discussion, suddenly there came silence, then low pitch rumble, the sound of ripping that got louder every second: the fabric of space-time had been torn apart, leaving emptiness inside. The emptiness was said to be like a singularity: Emptiness occupied no space. Inside emptiness, there was no space and time. Objects inside would never age. Everything would be compressed to a singularity, and they would remain trapped forever until they interacted with other objects. The light in the anti-verse started fading away. Now all antimatter could see was lights sucked into a point in the middle of the anti-verse, and everything, including them, was strongly tuck towards that point. The rip in space-time expanded. However, since emptiness had no space, it would seem like a single point in the anti-verse and that everything else was tuck towards it. The singularity kept absorbing all things, from trees to pillars. Antimatter hugged each other before being absorbed, bunkers were pulled from the ground and smashed towards it, even συνφγ disappeared without a trace. Although the artifacts were powerful, they couldn't escape such fate, glowing gorgeously before disappearing into emptiness. After everything but few antimatter was absorbed, the ripping slowed down. This caused the attraction to slow down, like pulling the brake inside a train. All things remained in the anti-verse decelerated. Few miserable antimatter was absorbed during the deceleration, but everything finally came to a stop. Only the void was left, with a couple of antimatter floating around and the singularity nowhere to be seen. All artifacts had disappeared without a trace. Antimatter who survived the rip was in shock and had lost their mind as if it was taken away by the absorption. The world fell into silence and void.";
1003 case 943: return "apolgy for bad english. where were u wen 9 dimension die. i was at house eating antimaters when phone ring: \"9 dimension is kil\". \"no\"";
1004 case 944: return "Haha! You are captured! Stupid antimatter beast...";
1005 case 945: return "Reality is often appointing.";
1006 case 946: return "Legends tell of a news ticker so beautifully written that even the great Hevipelle wept upon reading it. This is not that news ticker.";
1007 case 947: return "This newsticker will go down for maintenance for five hours. Please stand by and ignore the sample texts displayed while in maintenance!";
1008 case 948: return "Sekiro: Shadows Crunch 1.79e308 times";
1009 case 949: return player.paperclips >= 2 ? "Paperclips found to not be useless. They make the savefile longer." : "";
1010 case 950: return "Hey, hey! Stop reading me. It's very rude to read a news ticker when it doesn't want you to.";
1011 case 951: return "For the last time, the news ticker's code is simple and stable, it is not prone to any glitches whatsoever, I've said it before and I'll say it again: զ̕ʊ̡ǟֆ͠ǟ͞ʀ̕ ͡ɢą̈̄ʍɛ ̕ʍǟӼ͟ɨ͡ʍ͞ʊʍ́ ʋ͡ǟƈ͢ʊ̕ʊʍ͡ ̨ʀօȶ͞ǟȶ͠ɨ̡օ҉ռ̨ ֆ͟քɨ͢ռ҉ ̧ֆ-̛ֆ-ֆ-";
1012 case 952: return "new study shows that eating antimatter is both safer and healthier than paperclips";
1013 case 953: return "Shrek is love, Shrek is life.... Wait where's all my progress?";
1014 /*case 954: return "";
1015 case 955: return "";
1016 case 956: return "";
1017 case 957: return "";
1018 case 958: return "";
1019 case 959: return "";
1020 case 960: return "";
1021 case 961: return "";
1022 case 962: return "";
1023 case 963: return "";
1024 case 964: return "";
1025 case 965: return "";
1026 case 966: return "";
1027 case 967: return "";
1028 case 968: return "";
1029 case 969: return "";
1030 case 970: return "";
1031 case 971: return "";
1032 case 972: return "";
1033 case 973: return "";
1034 case 974: return "";
1035 case 975: return "";
1036 case 976: return "";
1037 case 977: return "";
1038 case 978: return "";
1039 case 979: return "";
1040 case 980: return "";
1041 case 981: return "";
1042 case 982: return "";
1043 case 983: return "";
1044 case 984: return "";
1045 case 985: return "";
1046 case 986: return "";
1047 case 987: return "";
1048 case 988: return "";
1049 case 989: return "";
1050 case 990: return "";
1051 case 991: return "";
1052 case 992: return "";
1053 case 993: return "";
1054 case 994: return "";
1055 case 995: return "";
1056 case 996: return "";
1057 case 997: return "";
1058 case 998: return "";
1059 case 999: return "";*/
1060
1061 default: return "";
1062 }
1063 }
1064
1065 static String getNews() {
1066 int nextMessageIndex;
1067 do {nextMessageIndex = rnd.nextInt(954);} while (getMessage(nextMessageIndex).equals(""));
1068 //do {nextMessageIndex = ThreadLocalRandom.current().nextInt(newsArray.length);} while (getMessage(nextMessageIndex).equals(""));
1069 return getMessage(nextMessageIndex);
1070 }
1071}