hLbDfgkC

1The Nerd: My only option was to reset the game, but I couldn't accept that, so I pushed on. I kept jumping at the air blindly. 9 times out of 10, I'd get hit. Finally, after much patience, I got the invisible pattern down and was able to destroy the boss. And that was a great moment in Nerd history.
2
3Glitch Gremlin: That's impossible! I never seen anything like it!
4
5The Nerd: I should get a gold medal.
6
7The Nerd: Sometimes, games can be unpredictable. Cheetahmen II is a prime example where the whole game is a glitch.
8
9The Nerd: As already described in my Cheetahmen review, after you beat the 4th level boss, you get stuck in limbo, so there's no way to play the last two levels, unless by a freak accident. If a blue moon occurs on Friday the 13th and all the planets align, the game will actually start up on the missing levels. The frustrating part is that now I have no choice to play it. It's not like that this is gonna happen again.
10
11The Nerd: So it's like I gotta sit my ass down and play the two hardest to find, most mysterious levels in video game history, in what's already one of the rarest games in existence. Heh. What a privilege. Oh, and guess what, it sucks. Yeah. Just like the rest of the game. Both levels are called Level 3, so that's four level 3's in total.
12
13The Nerd: The final boss just runs back and forth, you stand there, hit him 'til he's dead, and after that, what happens? (Nothing happens. No ending plays and the cheetah is stuck on the stage.) You guessed it. Now, if I ever have to talk about Action 52 and Cheetahmen again, I'm gonna staple my fuckin' ballsack to the ceiling.
14
15The Nerd: Double Dragon was a game I played so much, I used to find weird things all the time. If you touch the wall on the first level, you can become a human elevator. And if you bring the whip up there, you can do this.
16
17(As Billy unleashes the whip, he falls down backwards.)
18
19The Nerd: Call them glitches or Easter eggs, whether intentional or not, sometimes they can be helpful. Don't feel like fighting the boss at the end of stage 2? Well, don't. Just walk away. He doesn't even try to follow you as if saying, "Fine, you fuckin' pussy!"
20
21The Nerd: Tired of fighting those big muscle men? Just climb the wall. He's like, "Oh, fuck that! I ain't going up there!"
22
23(Cut to "Super Mario Bros.")
24
25The Nerd: Probably the most famous of all video game secrets is the warp zone in Super Mario Bros. It first came as mild amusement when gamers found you can break the blocks all the way up on the ceiling. Then the moment of discovery came when you found out you can actually get above the ceiling.
26
27The Nerd: Wasn't that hilarious to see Mario running in front of the scoreboard? But that was only the beginning. If you went past the exit, you ended up in a warp zone where you can skip to different worlds. But then, somebody who had way too much time on their hands found out that if you break some of the blocks and perform a very specific jump, you can actually slide through the wall.
28
29The Nerd: This still takes you to the warp zone just the same, unless you don't walk too far. If you jump into the first pipe right away, it takes you to World -1. Well, it's just an underwater world that repeats in an endless loop. There's also an interesting thing known as the Double Death. If you die on a Hammer Brother, try pausing and unpausing.
30
31(The death music starts and then repeats.)
32
33The Nerd: Let's check out Mario 2. (Super Mario Bros. 2) This game is so much fun. Lifting enemies over your head and slamming them into one another? So cool. (grunts) Fuck 'em up!
34
35(Toad throws a Tweeter and throws a Shy Guy on top of the first enemy. The Shy Guy hits the Tweeter, and they both fly up and off the screen.)
36
37The Nerd: Whoa! What happened? Let's try that again.
38
39(Toad does the same thing again, although Toad throws Shy Guy first and Tweeter second, but this time he jumps on top of the Tweeter and Shy Guy, and Toad dies once he touches the top edge of the screen.)
40
41The Nerd: Oh!
42
43The Nerd: I love these POW blocks. They wipe out all living creatures in sight. There's that classic trick where you go in that little dark world, you pick one up, and wait for time to run out. And now, you have twice the POW. It's doomsday for this place.
44
45(Toad throws the POW into the ground, and the log carries Toad up and the log disappears)
46
47The Nerd: Oh, no! It changes gravity!
48
49(Toad falls to his death)
50
51The Nerd: The destructive force of the POW block is so intense, the rest of the game can't handle it. Turtle shells and different objects fly all over the place.
52
53(Toad throws the POW block and Toad tries to lift the Bob-Omb, but it disappears because of the POW block.)
54
55The Nerd: What happened? Where'd the Bob-Omb go? It, like, dropped through the floor. Hmmm, I wonder where that Bob-Omb went?
56
57(Toad enters the room and once inside, he gets killed by the explosion caused by the Bob-Omb)
58
59The Nerd: Agh! Bob-Omb, Bob-Omb!
60
61The Nerd: You know that annoying Phanto fucker? That face that chases you around whenever you get the key? Don't you hate that thing? Haven't you always wanted to kill it? Well, here's how. You collect exactly four cherries, and four vegetables. Get the key, let the bastard chase you somewhere where you can get a time stopper.
62
63The Nerd: Now, get one more cherry to make the star appear. And hurry up. Time's runnin' out!
64
65(Toad gets the star, and eventually kills the Phanto)
66
67The Nerd: Ungh! Ye-heah! Got him! Finally killed that ass-face!
68
69The Nerd: Movin' on to Mario 3. (Super Mario Bros. 3) Yeah, might as well. The Glitch Gremlin usually stays away from this one. Yeah, it's a little too crowded with demonic possessions. But, nevertheless, it has a share glitches that you can perform for yourself, like Sand Diving, and Air Walking.
70
71The Nerd: As for Super Mario World, there's a neat trick here too. Go to Chocolate Island 3, get to the goal. Instead of jumping up like normal, you release Yoshi in mid-air. The screen is still fixated on where Yoshi was, and you can only see Mario's legs. But that's only the beginning.
72
73The Nerd: Wow. The stability of all the colors in this world depend on Mario and Yoshi making that jump correctly.
74
75The Nerd: For some reason, gamers enjoy finding these kind of glitches. Maybe it's because we take pride in finding flaws that the programmers overlooked. Or, maybe it's just because, we like playing outside the rules to go exploring.
76
77The Nerd: Well, for the boldest of explorers, there's Mountain King on the Atari 2600. Getting tired of the same old platforms and ladders? Wouldn't you like to go to a whole new higher level of gameplay? Literally? By performing a very specific jump, you can launch the character higher than usual. Then, you have to land on a very specific spot. If you're one pixel off, it doesn't work. And sometimes, it doesn't work anyway.
78
79The Nerd: You have to keep holding the joystick in the direction you're jumping, and release it at the precise moment.
80
81The Nerd: Now, welcome to Glitch Heaven. A vast world without logic. A place of not only of sight and sound, but of mind.
82
83(the "Twilight Zone" theme plays as the camera zooms in on the character)
84
85The Nerd: By playing with all the switches on the Atari console, you can cause the layout to change. You can also plug different controllers into the second port like the paddles, or even the keypad.
86
87The Nerd: You can even try the ColecoVision controller, or Sega Genesis. It's like a mad scientist experiment.
88
89The Nerd: I tried for hours, and I still haven't been able to find everything. There's been reports of the screen flickering, the character changing size, and strange unknown objects.
90
91The Nerd: Will you be the next adventurer to discover the unexplored secrets of Glitch Heaven?
92
93(the character puts his arms up in an "I don't know" kind of way.)
94
95The Nerd: From the old days of gaming until the new, it seems like game glitches will always be around.
96
97The Nerd: In Zelda: Twilight Princess on Wii, I was jumping around when, somehow, I got stuck in a roof. Unfortunately, I didn't have it recorded in the act, but I sure did try to recreate it: It couldn't be done.
98
99The Nerd: Let's play Rocky on the PS2.
100
101(The Glitch Gremlin enters, and laughs evilly)
102
103The Nerd: Not you again!
104
105(Cut to the match, where the audience has turns into transforming squares.)
106
107The Nerd: What happened to the audience?!
108
109Glitch Gremlin: Well, you sure packed quite a crowd tonight, Nerd! You sure did! Standing-room only, full house of glitches! (imitates boxing match ring) In this corner, we have, weighing in at zero pounds and zero ounces, nothing! In this corner, we've got much of the same: Nothing!
110
111The Nerd: No...
112
113Glitch Gremlin: Can you hear that?
114
115(The line, "Next up is a fight" repeats.)
116
117Glitch Gremlin: What's that sound? Huh? Hmm? It's a sound of a glitch. Your glitch. Enjoy it.
118
119(The Nerd keeps hearing the line "Next up is a fight" repeat, until he resets the PS2)
120
121Glitch Gremlin: No. No use resetting. Not gonna do a thing.
122
123The Nerd: Eh, fuck you. It's workin' now.
124
125(As the announcer introduces Spider Rico, he collapses to the floor.)
126
127The Nerd: What was that?
128
129Glitch Gremlin: I put him to the floor! That's a good one. Good one, Glitch Gremlin!
130
131Announcer: ...from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Rocky Balboa!
132
133(Rocky also collapses, only to find his body messed up after he collapses. The Nerd is shocked. Cut to various Rocky boxers collapsing to the floor.)
134
135Glitch Gremlin: Oh, yeah! I'm glitching! Get down, you bad self! Get down! Get down! Get down! Whoo!
136
137The Nerd: Wow, I've never seen a game this fucked up.
138
139(The Nerd cleans the game, as we see the Glitch Gremlin in the disc.)
140
141Glitch Gremlin: Not gonna work. Not gonna work. What time is it? Not-gonna-work-o'clock.
142
143(Cut to Rocky with his eyes popped out and a weird mouth.)
144
145Glitch Gremlin: In this corner, we have Bug-Eyed Balboa!
146
147The Nerd: What happened to his mouth?
148
149Glitch Gremlin: His eyes are poppin' out! (cut to Spider Rico with his jaw missing) And in that corner, we've got Spider Rico, with no jaw!
150
151The Nerd: They're like zombies. What is this? Rocky: The Undead Edition? You are really one sick fuck, you know that? I'm gonna try Clubber Lang.
152
153Glitch Gremlin: Oh, Clubber Lang! That could be a good one. Let's see what else I got up my sleeves. Oh, I'm not wearing any, but for my final showstopper, feast yer eyes on this!
154
155(Cut to Clubber Lang, in a tall, glitched version. His shoe and boxing gloves are on top of his head and he is walking on one leg. The Glitch Gremlin laughs, while the Nerd is shocked and drops his controller)
156
157The Nerd: (shocked) It's a Clubber-Fuck!
158
159(The Glitch Gremlin folds his hands and shakes them in a celebratory fashion)
160
161Crowd: (Chanting) Clubber! Clubber! Clubber!
162
163(While the crowd is chanting "Clubber!", he falls to the floor and turns into a pile of glitches. Having had enough, the Nerd takes out the disc. He looks at it in anger. The Glitch Gremlin gives him a piercing stare.)
164
165Glitch Gremlin: (Hums)
166
167(The Nerd breaks the disc.)
168
169The Nerd: (Sighs in relief) I need a beer.
170
171Glitch Gremlin: Oh, you want to play dirty, do ya? Ping!
172
173(The Glitch Gremlin turns his beer bottle into pixels.)
174
175Glitch Gremlin: How do ya like that? Sip on an ice... cool bottle of glitch. Ping!
176
177(The Glitch Gremlin turns his couch into a bunch of nonsense words.)
178
179Glitch Gremlin: A nice comfy couch of pixelated glitch! Glitch! Glitch! Ping! (turns his ceiling into a wave like movement) Ping! (turns his arcade toys into pixelated words) Glitch! (makes the DK toy's eyes big) Glitch! (makes the head of the Mario toy huge with multiples coming out) Glitch glitch glitch! Ping! Ping! (Makes his TV and NES collection disappear) Ping! Ping! Glitch! Glitch! Glitch! Glitch! (turns his door into an eye, turns his room into one big glitch, and also the Nerd.)
180
181Categories:
182TranscriptsTranscripts of 2010 Angry Video Game Nerd Episodes
183Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.
184Recent Wiki Activity
185Mike Matei
186Gokucock • 2 days ago
187List of Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures Hazards and Enemies
188Prabowo Muhammad • 4 days ago
189Transcript of AVGN Episode Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure
190FrankRTWiw • 4 days ago
191James & Mike Mondays
192HorrorFan01 • 4 days ago
193
194
195
196
197
198Help us grow Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki!
199GET STARTED
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202The Angry Video Game Nerd (character)
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249
2502020/02/16	
251WWE NXT TakeOver: Portland
252Webcast	7.800	
253OK
254OK
2552019/06/25	
256WWE SmackDown Live #1037
257TV Show	2.500	
258OK
259OK
2602019/02/04	
261WWE RAW #1341
262TV Show	-	
263OK
264OK
2652018/10/02	
266WWE SmackDown Live #999
267TV Show	-	
268OK
269OK
2702018/02/16	
271WWE @ Portland
272Misc.	-	
273OK
274OK
2752017/10/16	
276WWE RAW #1273
277TV Show	-	
278OK
279OK
2802017/02/06	
281WWE RAW #1237
282TV Show	-	
283OK
284OK
2852016/10/08	
286WWE @ Portland
287Misc.	2.700	
288OK
289OK
2902016/10/01	
291UFC Fight Night: Lineker vs. Dodson
292TV Show	6.240	
293OK
294OK
2952016/05/14	
296WWE NXT @ Portland
297Misc.	2.783	
298OK
299OK
3002016/02/09	
301WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
302Misc.	5.077	
303OK
304OK
3052015/08/11	
306WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
307Misc.	-	
308OK
309OK
3102015/03/15	
311WWE @ Portland
312Misc.	3.200	
313OK
314OK
3152014/08/11	
316WWE RAW #1107
317TV Show	-	
318OK
319OK
3202013/12/10	
321WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
322Misc.	-	
323OK
324OK
3252013/08/16	
326WWE @ Portland
327Misc.	6.500	
328OK
329OK
3302012/07/14	
331Strikeforce Rockhold vs. Kennedy
332TV Show	4.186	
333OK
334OK
3352012/02/27	
336WWE RAW #979
337TV Show	-	
338OK
339OK
3402011/05/23	
341WWE RAW #939
342TV Show	7.500	
343OK
344OK
3452010/10/12	
346WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
347Misc.	-	
348OK
349OK
3502010/07/10	
351SportFight XXVII: Boiling Point
352Misc.	-	
353OK
354OK
3552010/05/21	
356ShoMMA - Strikeforce Challengers: Lindland vs. Casey
357TV Show	-	
358OK
359OK
3602010/03/08	
361WWE RAW #876
362TV Show	-	
363OK
364OK
3652009/08/29	
366UFC 102: Couture vs. Nogueira
367Major	16.088	
368OK
369OK
3702009/02/17	
371WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
372Misc.	-	
373OK
374OK
3752008/10/05	
376WWE No Mercy 2008
377Major	10.000	
378OK
379OK
3802008/09/19	
381SportFight XXIV: Domination
382TV Show	-	
383OK
384OK
3852008/06/20	
386SportFight XXIII: Heated Rivals
387TV Show	-	
388OK
389OK
3902008/04/18	
391SportFight XXII: Re-Awakening
392TV Show	-	
393OK
394OK
3952007/12/22	
396SportFight XXI: Seasons Beatings
397Misc.	-	
398OK
399OK
4002007/10/27	
401SportFight XX: Homecoming
402Misc.	-	
403OK
404OK
4052007/05/05	
406SportFight XIX: Cinco de Mayhem
407Misc.	-	
408OK
409OK
4102007/02/12	
411WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
412Misc.	-	
413OK
414OK
4152007/01/06	
416SportFight XVIII: Turning Point
417Misc.	-	
418OK
419OK
4202006/09/09	
421IFL @ Portland
422Misc.	5.349	
423OK
424OK
4252006/08/05	
426SportFight XVII: Hot Zone
427Misc.	-	
428OK
429OK
4302006/05/30	
431WWE TV-Taping @ Portland
432Misc.	-	
433OK
434OK
4352006/04/08	
436SportFight XV: A Tribute to Randy Couture
437Misc.	-	
438OK
439OK
4402006/01/06	
441SportFight XIV: Resolution
442Misc.	-	
443OK
444OK
4452005/09/16	
446SportFight XII: Breakout
447Misc.	-	
448OK
449OK
4502005/07/09	
451SportFight XI: Rumble at the Rose Garden
452Misc.	-	
453OK
454OK
4552005/06/17	
456WWE RAW @ Portland
457Misc.	4.000	
458OK
459OK
4602004/09/12	
461WWE Unforgiven 2004
462Major	10.000	
463OK
464OK
4652004/09/12	
466WWE Sunday Night Heat
467TV Show	-	
468OK
469OK
4702004/02/09	
471WWE RAW #559
472TV Show	-	
473OK
474OK
4752003/11/23	
476WWE SmackDown @ Portland
477Misc.	-	
478OK
479OK
4802003/05/31	
481WWE RAW @ Portland
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512in:
513Transcripts, Pilot Episodes, Transcripts of 2004 Angry Video Game Nerd Pilot Episodes
514Transcript of AVGN episode Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
515EDIT
516 
517COMMENTS (8)
518 
519SHARE
520Nerd
521The Nerd's first appearance on-screen.
522
523Dr. Jekyll and Mr
524Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 2
525
526(Episode begins with the Nerd, facepalming at his computer. He lets out a sigh.)
527
528Castlevania II: Simon's Quest may be a pretty bad game, but, it is GOD compared to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
529
530Th-that game, is just the epitome of bad. I mean, I know you've played a lot of bad games before, but, no, lemme tell you... that game is bad.
531
532(The Nerd drinks his Rolling Rock.)
533
534I mean, it's like, Castlevania II, you expect it to be, like, no, it's like, you expect it to be good because it's one of the Castlevania games. It's the sequel, but, it's such a disappointment because, it's such a big fuckin' piece of shit, but, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and a lot of other Nintendo games there isn't any expectations, there's no disappointments to be had because they're just, you know, rare, obscure games like, y'know, McKids or uh, Taxman [He meant to say "Wall Street Kid"] or whatever? But, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, as rare and obscure as it is, you play it once and you're haunted for life. I mean, I'm traumatized after playing it. I can't believe how bad it is. I mean, it's BAD. Like, that's why I'm coming in front of the camera right now: to show you, with my own face, how fuckin' bad it is. I mean... Simon's Quest, you heard the sincerity in my voice? Well, now, see the sincerity in my eyes. This game is fuckin' HORRIBLE! It's fuckin' horrible.
535
536(The Nerd drinks his Rolling Rock again.)
537
538I mean, i-it's like... like, PONG is better, and "Pong" is only like, three lines and a ball. Those little Tiger, like electronic wrist games, those are better than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It makes no fuckin' sense. It's like, what were they thinking? Like, I seriously can't believe how bad that fuckin' game is. It's so bad, that I'm not even gonna show it to you, because... it's just...
539
540(The Nerd sighs and drinks more Rolling Rock.)
541
542I mean... maybe, you need some kinda proof. Maybe I should show you some clips from the game. It's gonna be really hard though... Just, I just don't wanna play it right now, (starts to grin and chuckle a little) I really don't wanna play it. I don't, I don't even want to, look at the fuckin' box that encases that piece of shit... that game's fuckin' bad.
543
544(The Nerd drinks his Rolling Rock again.)
545
546(Whispers) It's fuckin' horrible. I'm gonna show it to you, though. Just to prove how bad it is, but, I warn you... here it goes.
547
548(The Nerd shows the cartridge.)
549
550Here it is, here's the piece of shit game. Who the hell would spend this much fuckin' money on this game? [Referring to the 89¢ price tag on the cartridge]
551
552(An angled shot of a television set is shown, with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde being played on it.)
553
554This is so not worth the time. All right, first of all, who are these people tryin' to kill ya? Why do you walk so slow? And the staff doesn't do anything. Look at this, I'm gonna try to kill somebody and it's not gonna work. See that? It's like, they give you a weapon, and then, it doesn't do anything. I mean, imagine if in Zelda, imagine if Link couldn't use his sword. And THEN, look, then, you die... and then you turn into Mr. Hyde, I guess, you walk around, punchin' people and throwin' shit, and then, for no reason you just DIE. Lightning will strike, like, real spontaneous, then, you're dead... and then, the game's over. What the fuck is THAT shit?!
555
556Okay. You've seen the game... now, that should satisfy all your curiosity. If you are curious enough to play it, just do yourself a favor and don't. I mean, if you're like a hardcore Nintendo fan as I am, and you have to have every single game in your collection, please do yourself an enormous favor and just stay the fuck away from this awful piece of shit.
557
558(Yet again, the Nerd drinks his Rolling Rock)
559
560I mean, don't even buy it, like, used for like a penny or whatever... I mean, that shiny gold copper will be worth a fortune someday compared to this awful pile of steaming goat shit. I mean, don't even download it. Like, no matter how curious you are, just do yourself a favor and never play it, because, you will be wishing for the rest of your life that you could invent a time machine and go back to the day you played that game and just fuckin' kill yourself. I mean, if you ever find that game, if you ever see it, smash it. Smash it with a hammer. Smash it 'til every tiny fragment is like, is so small, it's invisible. I mean, you'd rather super glue your asshole shut than play that game. You'd rather drown in gasoline. You'd rather -- You know -- The-the thing is --
561
562(The Nerd takes one more swig of Rolling Rock.)
563
564You'd think I'm jokin', like I'm trying to be funny or somethin'. But, no, the fact that that game exists is a horrible abomination of mankind. That game is so fuckin' horrible, and I am not kidding. I am dead fuckin' serious.
565
566(An extreme close-up of the Nerd's face is shown.)
567
568DEAD. FUCKIN'. SERIOUS.
569
570(The Nerd breaks into a grin just as the picture fades out.)
571
572Categories:
573TranscriptsPilot EpisodesTranscripts of 2004 Angry Video Game Nerd Pilot Episodes
574Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.
575Advertisement
576
577Recent Wiki Activity
578Mike Matei
579Gokucock • 3 days ago
580List of Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures Hazards and Enemies
581Prabowo Muhammad • 4 days ago
582Transcript of AVGN Episode Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure
583FrankRTWiw • 4 days ago
584James & Mike Mondays
585HorrorFan01 • 4 days ago
586
587
588
589
590
591Help us grow Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki!
592GET STARTED
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594
595The Angry Video Game Nerd (character)
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598Nostalgia Critic
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600
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602
603
604Kyle Justin
605
606
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609Advertisement
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611Advertisement
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664Transcript of AVGN episode Master Chu & the Drunkard Hu
665EDIT
666 
667COMMENTS (9)
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670Master chu1
671Title card
672
673AVGN: Alright, this time, we have a guest reviewer and I don't know, this might be kinda weird, but... HEY! Come here!
674
675(An animated pickle jumps into the scene and lands on The Nerd's shoulder.)
676
677Nerd: No, not there!
678
679(The pickle jumps on a cushion to sit next to The Nerd.)
680
681Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 9
682Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 9
683
684Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
685
686Nerd: Hey, tell us--
687
688Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
689
690Nerd: Tell 'em your name.
691
692Shit Pickle: Shiiiiiit Pickle.
693
694Nerd: Yeah, this is Shit Pickle, everybody.
695
696Shit Pickle: Shit pickle!
697
698Nerd: And Shit Pickle's gonna--
699
700Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
701
702Nerd: Shit Pickle's gonna help--
703
704Shit Pickle: Shiit pickle.
705
706Nerd: He's gonna help me... comment me on this game. Now--
707
708Shit Pickle: Shit pickle!
709
710Nerd: This is a weird one, and, uh, hey Shit Pickle? You like video games?
711
712Shit Pickle: Shiiiiiit pickle pickle pickle shit shit.
713
714Nerd: You like Nintendo?
715
716Shit Pickle: Pickle pickle shit shit pickle.
717
718Nerd: You ever play this game: Master Chu and the Drunkyard Hu?
719
720Shit Pickle: (silence)
721
722Nerd: Yeah.
723
724Nerd: So, yeah, it's a weird game, and you can just tell, just by the cartridge. And it's one of those weird baby blue cartridges, so you can tell right off the bat that it's a big piece of fuckin' shit.
725
726Shit Pickle: Pickle. Shiiiiiit pickle! Pickle, pickle, pickle, shit. Shit pickle.
727
728Nerd: The story involves a legendary siamese twin, Shiva from Hindu religion. She has filled the world with evil spirits.
729
730Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
731
732Nerd: Your best friend, Master Chu, has failed to stop them. And he's resorted to drinking, so now he's a drunk.
733
734Shit Pickle: Pickle, pickle, pickle, shit.
735
736Nerd: However, Master Chu has not given up hope. It's up to him to put an end to the evil Shiva.
737
738Shit Pickle: Pickle.
739
740Nerd: Sounds pretty shitty. What do you say, Shit Pickle?
741
742Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
743
744Nerd: Yeah. There's really only one reason to buy this game, and that's to be able to say, "I own Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu," so people can awkardly stare at ya.
745
746Shit Pickle: Shhhhiiiiittt pickle, pickle pickle shit.
747
748Nerd: Your objective each round is to locate all the yin-yang symbols in order to fight the boss.
749
750Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
751
752Nerd: You can shoot energy outta your hand, then you can upgrade to two shots of energy at the same time. You wanna try, Shit Pickle?
753
754(The Nerd puts the NES controller on the cushion, which Shit Pickle hops on back and forth to control the game.)
755
756Shit Pickle: Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, shit pickle. Shhhiiiiittt pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle.
757
758Nerd: So what do you think?
759
760Shit Pickle: SHIT!
761
762Nerd: Exactly. Instead of pressing A or B to jump, like in most games, you have to press Up, sorta like in The Karate Kid. Maybe the control's so shitty because the programmers were tryin' to make Chu seem drunk. Or, they were drunk themselves! There's endless waves of spiders, snakes, and other unnameable things that come after you.
763
764Shit Pickle: Shiiiit pickle, shit pickle.
765
766Nerd: What are you talkin' about? The graphics?
767
768Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
769
770Nerd: Oh yeah, a-absolutely. The best effect in this game is that when standing still, Chu's clothes wave around in the wind. Now let's talk about the sound. It sucks! And it's the same for every stage. Just stereotypical Chinese music playing over and over in a loop.
771
772Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
773
774Nerd: So after you beat the first level, the rest of the game is just the same repetitive thing, over and over again. I mean, it's more fun takin' a shit!
775
776Shit Pickle: Shit.
777
778Nerd: Each board, you collect eight yin-yang symbols, you fight the boss, and then you get the key. And by the way, the key in this game is called "The Flaming Key of Freedom". Flaming, huh? Kinda like the flame whip in Simon's Quest. The boss fights aren't even challenging because all ya have to do is is stand on the platform until they turn their back, then you drop down, land a few hits, and then you repeat.
779
780Shit Pickle: Shhhiiiit pickle.
781
782Nerd: For the last boss in the game, Shiva, I was expecting something a little better. I don't know why, but, all you get is this weird statue. And why the fuck is it green? I mean, could they have picked another putrid color but green?
783
784Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.
785
786Nerd: So after you beat the boss, you get to see the best ending in video game history. What a piece of shit!
787
788Shit Pickle: Pickle.
789
790Categories:
791TranscriptsTranscripts of 2006 Angry Video Game Nerd episodes
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877Transcript of AVGN episode Wally Bear & the No Gang
878EDIT
879 
880COMMENTS (1)
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883Wally bear
884The Wally Bear & the No Gang title card.
885
886Wally Bear and the No! Gang - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 8
887Wally Bear and the No! Gang - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 8
888
889The Nerd: Wally Bear and the NO! Gang. Now the first thing that baffles me about this game is the actual cartridge. I mean, look at this: it doesn't look like any other NES game. And what's this button for? "PRESS HERE"? Seriously, press here? What for? I mean is it supposed to be telling you how to push the game down? Like, how to put the game into the system? Well, I-I can't really push on it when it's inside the Nintendo. You know, did they really think kids are that stupid? I mean, it should just say, "PRESS HERE, YOU DUMB FUCK!" Like some kid's gonna be like, "Uhhh, duhh, how do I put the game in?"
890
891(The Nerd pretends to insert the game sideways.)
892
893The Nerd: So anyway, we start off with the title screen of a deformed bear with sunglasses riding a skateboard. A stereotypical anti-drug corporate waste of imagination. You can choose between one and two players... if you're lucky enough to have a friend who would actually play this piece of shit with ya.
894
895The Nerd: Okay, here's the plot. You're the ultra hip, skateboard schmuck Wally Bear. Your Uncle Gary Grizzly wants you to gather up your straight-edged friends, and head over to his house for a party. Wally must reach his Uncle's house before dark, or at least before the timer runs out 'fore he loses all his lives.
896
897The Nerd: But every bird and attack dog on the block wants you dead, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that besides just jump for your life. You can get items like pizzas, frisbees, or hubcaps to throw at enemies. And you can't really hit birds because they just dart across the screen. Now why would a bird wanna kill a skateboarding bear anyway?
898
899The Nerd: The levels are just incredibly repetitive. Like, literally, the same backgrounds are used over and over again, kinda like in a Flintstones cartoon - if you notice, durin' a driving scene, it's just the same stuff in the background, being repeated over and over again. The only difference is that The Flintstones was entertaining, but this... this is just a piece of fuck.
900
901The Nerd: There's also this asshole named Ricky the Rat who's tryin' to knock you off your skateboard and turn you into a heroin junkie. You also have to prevent a poodle from getting her radio stolen, stop a lizard from drunk driving, and deal with other things that either want you to die or want you to snort crack up your bear snout.
902
903The Nerd: The music in this game just fuckin' sucks. I mean, no bad game is complete without some auditory shit that makes you wanna puke. You'd rather listen to your only infant child choking to death. So, just turn down the volume, and while you're at it, just turn off the fuckin' game.
904
905The Nerd: Back in the '80s, it seemed like there were all these characters tryin' to keep kids off of drugs. Whether it was McGruff, or Pee Wee, or the combined efforts of Alf, Michaelangelo, Bugs Bunny, and Miss Piggy. And... this game, I'm sure it didn't help kids stay off drugs at all. In fact, I'm sure the people who made it were on something. So, avoid it at all costs, unless... you are fucked up on drugs. So in that case, let's say NO to drugs... (drinking his Rolling Rock) and let's say NO to this fuckin' game.
906
907(Updated content; unclear on whether the episode was updated for an AVGN DVD release, or updated online on Cinemassacre. See the HQ YouTube release for the episode.)
908
909The Nerd: It has just come to my attention... that there was a Wally Bear hotline. 1-800-HI-WALLY. Now, you wouldn't think that after like 20 years that number would still be functional. But, somewhere... in some old dusty basement... Wally Bear still lives.
910
911(The Nerd listens to the indistinct phone chatter for a couple of minutes, the words difficult to hear. The scene fades from the Nerd listening to the phone, to scenes of a creepy, dark basement, with a transparent Wally Bear appearing.)
912
913The Nerd: Fuck that. It's creepin' me out! It's like listenin' to a ghost!
914
915(Wally Bear floats out of the phone, and the Nerd gasps in shock.)
916
917Trivia
918The game was originally going to be called Wally Bear & the Just Say No! Gang[1], but it obviously had to be shortened to just the NO! Gang due to "Just Say No" being trademarked for the infamous Nancy Reagan anti-drug campaign during the 80s.
919The Wally Bear hotline, which the Nerd calls at the end of the episode, is now (as of June 2007) deactivated. This episode was filmed in September 2006, so at that time the hotline was still active.
920The Nerd didn't know that as well as a phone hotline, Wally Bear and his friends had an anti-drug club which could be joined by sending a postcard to the NCADI (National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information), and the characters were also used on the health.org website on their children's section.
921References
922↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wally_Bear_and_the_NO!_Gang#Game_development
923Categories:
924TranscriptsTranscripts of 2006 Angry Video Game Nerd episodes
925Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.
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928Recent Wiki Activity
929Mike Matei
930Gokucock • 3 days ago
931List of Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures Hazards and Enemies
932Prabowo Muhammad • 4 days ago
933Transcript of AVGN Episode Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure
934FrankRTWiw • 4 days ago
935James & Mike Mondays
936HorrorFan01 • 4 days ago
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