ZB0bpgv3

1Day 1: knockoff history channel; dem agyptian aliens, how i met your mother (v cringe) 
2saw the state of the country
3actual 3rd world
4
5Day 2: american housewives, chicago pd, hot seat, law and order svu
6
7
8report: half of hotel under construction (main pool!), no place to gather, nature/environment decimated and flattened, drinks only at bars or at mealtime/no self serve, way too many employees=felt like being watched, most services a ripoff, too many cleaning visits=no sense of security, no net unless you pay tons of m, doesn't feel secure, 4:3 scuffed tv, no music or anything playing at all=dead silence everywhere.
9Actually made me more depressed than my dark, dusty room at home. Fuuuuuuuck. This is only the second day and after spamming three houses and watching shitty tv series in my bed I felt like crying on the way to lunch. that's literally all I do. Wake up, wait for breakfast, watch tv, wait for lunch, watch tv, wait for dinner, watch tv, wait for falling asleep. I walked around the hotel at least 4 times now. Nothing to do minus one tiny kids pool. and of course, theres like 2 employees watching you and a lovely building under construction next to it. You have to pass like 3 to 5 security guards and even more employees to reach the beach so all I do is watch the waves from above. The room looked nice but it's dirty af. hairs everywhere, spots on bed sheets, dirty smears on floor, dirty desk drawers. tv has 4 pixel errors in a trapezius. small side bottom right. Yamborghini high effects every now and then. very few english speaking channels. cbs, channel called usa. constant chatter of employees in the hallways, actually unnerving.
10WE TRIED TO ESCAPE, BUT THERE IS NO WAY OUT.
11streets, left and right. It's either ghetto or shady, aggressive tourist baiting. lots of "bars" (eg hub for sex tourism). not inviting at all, feels like a spot where you catch stds and a knife between the ribs. people 50 m away from you approaching from left and right. loud voices.
12the boring and empty resort is haunting, uncomfortable but that bed is the only place I feel at least a bit at ease
13I refuse drink or fap. I don't feel like listening to music because I fear that my brain makes some connections between my fave songs and this horrible feel. this happens all the time. 
14my mom feels the same about this and we talked. Her idea was to depart a whole week earlier. We'll try to set flight and all that tomorrow. feels good that I don't have to suffer through this for 18 days. this however doesn't help my anxiety. I can even use the excuse of staying here and pretending to like it for her happiness sake. just had a panic attack upon showering. It's been a long time since I felt like that. never felt it after that week. Crying, hyperventilating, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. really wanted to run over to my moms room and tell her to get us out of here asap. all I have left is writing this massive blog.
15I miss bella
16typing this on my phone with one finger. 
17I hope he's there when I get back
18I thought about this annd it really isn't my fault. whose at fault is the madmen that put a severely mentally ill person into this absolutely hostile environment. did I mention how much I hate every single person that was on the flight with us. Their chatter was nothing short of disgusting. I felt terrible just standing in the same line as them. my legs were way too long for that seat. Same with the bus they drove us to prison with. was sitting like L right above the wheel. 
19this is kickstarting my depression. I wonder if attempting suicide is even possible in here with so many people around. want to drown myself in the sea but if they fish me out and put me in hospital were definitely going broke. no healthcare ftw. 
20when I get back I'll drown myself in alcohol and spew all the sexual fantasies I can come up with. 
21usa channel makes me want to buy suave, arby's and general insurance. 
22I really need to pipe a flight attendant. most of them were stuck up and bitchy but one of them was hot af. like, white gurl hot, not kpop hot. looked eastern european/russian. thick brows. 
23this is an epic ruse, mom just came knocking saying she enjoyed the swim in the sea. never gonna get out of here now. ebin. 
24watching tv is kinda cool. maybe I should set cable up in my actual room. It's actually 5 pixel errors on the lower third and in the upper one of the screen. 7 in total. One is red. the very right one. had cheese quesadillas and pancakes with choco sauce for the very first in my life. both are nice though I still have no idea what a cheese quesadilla is or what's in it besides cheese and dough. 
25note to myself, fuck fish and the little bones in it. I physically ewwed at that. 
26starting to find ads amusing
27Labor day inc. 
28> you never talk about yourself and your interests
29tried to talk about weather, different planets, space, possibility of aliens etc. 
30all I got as an response was "you and humans in general should worry about our planet instead of all that space talk". When I tried to explain how research, sightings and experiments are beneficial to our daily life she told me to "stop bothering her with physics stuff". Good one, mom. I open up once and I get shot down. it was the right moment and the situation was befitting. 
31Nice to know that all the interest is feigned. 
32Seems like there's more people out in the evening, I'll see for myself when I beat jetlag. 
33someone just slipped a paper under my door. Apparently, there's a fumigation between 10 to 12 tomorrow. Feels terrible, I have to leave the room between that time and I guess I'll have to stuff all my belongings into my suitcase. They said it's not toxic. Biggest lie I ever heard. Almost had an audible giggle. 3rd world country without any regulations using non toxic mass fumigation products elmao
34
35Day 3:
36mom came knocking at my door at 3 in the morning. our plan was to call reisebüro to get us a new flight. some divine intervention shit going on. hotel staff can't reach any of the telephone numbers. mom forgot the unlock pin to her phone. 3 wrong tries. I finally decided to ask (pay) the hotel front desk for wifi. 15 dorrar for 3 days and only at the bars and at the front desk. There goes my dreams of 4channing and watching yt in bed. Attempt unsuccessful turns out my chinkphone can't into whatever bandwith they're using in this godforsaken country. no mobile data either. got my dorrars back but I'm now for sure without internet access for the next few days. sry, bella. I tried my best.
37I guess I'll turn this log into an actual textfile when I get home so you can see what I was going through. now that I'm thinking about it, you're probably writing discord wall of texts at me to, right? I'm gonna be disapointed if I don't find a single message from you. I guess that's hoe life without internet feels like. Being cut off from the world. tbh, this situation is terribly sad but also has that melancholic aestetic. We @ each other but none of us can actually see what the other one wrote.
38So.. Now that all hope is lost, I convinced my mom to let it go. Yep, I did that. I was flinging big words to show her how much easier it would be for us to stay for the whole duration. I started to wonder if that's really how I feel and how much of that was just my laziness speaking. we have the train tickets, we have seats on the flight, we know when to be where and how we get from A to B. I miss home but cutting vacay short when we're already here and staying for the whole duration is less tedious is idiotic.
39it's only 14 more days. 2 weeks in at home time is nothing. I can let entire months go by in a heartbeat when I'm at home. Have I already said how much I miss my tiny room at home? the triple screen setup, waking up in the morning and turn the power switches on one by one, starting the pc, seeing the speakers and peripherals light up, now that's true happiness. I think this experience is gonna show me
40Cont.
41How good I have it. or at least how much I love my lonesome neet life back at home. I don't care if the dished are dirty or if the garbage starts piling up. home is home. nothing can replace it.
42ngl, I miss kpop too. the music and the threads. all that pointless bickering fuels my life. I don't feel like fapping here, gonna challenge myself to a nofap till we get back home on the 14th of september. it's not gonna be particularily hard. there IS nothing I could fap to. haven't seen any irl girl that arouses me to the point where I feel like fapping to her. maybe I'm just depressed and bitter about my involuntary confinement here. this is a rundown third world tourist country and I wouldn't even dare to tap any of the hard working girls outside the resort. here it's either wales, mothers or ***** people. Damn my mother for her obsession with this place. it's not even interesting here. 
43not a single azn qt. I miss düsseldorf and the many chinks and japs in the jap district. fuck,   chilling there for 2 weeks would've been way better and cheaper than being stuck here.
44I'm gonna say it right here and now: I will never set foot into abholiday resort ever again, no matter which country it is in or how well it looks.
45If I ever have kids, they will never into resort in their whole life. Well, maybe if it's in asia and some 4 to 5 star hotel with a pool. this is of course if I ever get to marry or find a partner (female). both of this seems highly unlikely at the moment, partly because of preferences and partly because I'm socially impaired. feels good being a retard. This vacay is enlightening. I'm not just a bit weird, I am actually insane. a little bit. 
46TMI: when I type won't, wony and wongo come up in my autocorrect
47this is the blog of a 20 year old.
48sometimes I wonder if something in me stopped developping somewhere along the line.
49this idea was reinforced by the law and order episode I saw yesterday. some 28 year old girl posed as 16 to get into foster care over and over again. she actually started to believe it after a few years. maybe I my brain and social thingy stopped developping at 14. maybe it's just my Lifestyle that makes me think that way. I was actually doing the same shit I do now. addicted to the internet, porn and chatting forum/games.
50the degeneracy started early. I used go catfish people into thinking I'm grill but not exactly for fun. someone just mistook me for one and I rolled with it. turned out more people would talk to me that way. since then I just designed my profiles very vaguely feminine. Easy task if you're a weeb. Just slap some girl avatar and say some cringy stuff and use a lot of emoticons in your profile and all that. there's also some pics of my underage ass somewhere out there. I once stole one of my moms old dresses to pose for pics at like 14 or 15. back then it looked convincing if you cut the head off. hope nobody got arrested for downloading that.
51I don't even know where I was going with this at first. It's 6 am now and I probably won't be able to fall asleep anymore.
52I wanted to say something else but I forgot. 
53this is officially it. I'll have to power through another 14 of those days plus one day of flight and commute back home. once we're back in germany I'll set up my mobile data again and notify you when I'll be back. You better not be sleeping OR ELSE
54gonna count these days down like a prisoner
55give me a sharp object and I'll scratch the count into the walls
5614 days of no internet, no fap, no kpop and no drinking (I had one tiny glass of red wine yesterday evening and it was NOT good) 
57don't dare drinking because there's basically no way of getting water in the night. not gonna die of dehydration looool
58had to leave my room for two hours, fumigation I already talked about. had brekkie then sat down at the beach and read my 40k book. The only book I took with me. I don't usually read but I wanted to try it out. turns out reading at the beachbis pretty effay. barely did like 25 pages before giving up, I'm a slow reader. had a swim in the sea. well, the waves were so strong that it was more like wave jumping than swimming. the hotels beach is p much cellulite city. made me feel less self concious. had some cold beer at the beach after that. always wanted to try that out. damn you, seolahermano. it was basado sbh
59not hungry for lunch rn so I'm just in my room typing this shit up. Law and order is on again. 
60at least it isn't navy cis. the new seasons of that show are totally scuffed. half of the cast has been replaced and why did they choose a black englishman and a mexican to replace them. I can't into emily wickersham, she looks like a blacked actress. Abby looks old now. 
61French toast slaps. especially with chocolate syrup. everything is great with choco syrup. 
62Uhhhhhhhh. I guesa writing my experience down
63there's music playing at the bars. Construction workers went crazy with machinery too. I heard at least 5 mins of truck beeping and whatever machinery they were using on the empty pool right outside my window. 
64mfw have to type the memes myself because I can't read through any. great now the construction work is going hard. can barely hear the tv anymore.
65about 1 hour 30 minutes before we leave the hotel again. this time we'll try to take a taxi
66ok, I was optimistic for 12 hours now. can we go home now? I'm bored and I don't feel comfy even one bit. - 100000000% comfy. Just put a blanket over myself, feel a bit better now. Maybe I should invest in a weighted blanket when I get home. I heard they're supposed to calm you down. 
67Crisis averted, convinced my mom to move the expedition to tomorrow. now we (I) binge tv until dinner. to be fair, I did enough today. I was outside for HOURS. I need some time for myself. I can't go out on an uncertain adventure when I'm tired and homesick like this. We wouldn't have anything to do tomorrow if we went today. it's only good we move it back one day. WTFFF I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THERE'S A LAE AND ORDER MARATHON STARTING FROM THE OLD EPISODES ON SUNDAY, THE ONE DAY ON WHICH WE HAVE A PLANNED TOUR ON. FUCK NATIONAL PARKS I WANT TO SEE MORE OF THIS.
68this orange wristband they make you wear makes me feel like prisoner
69the male main cast's real name of law and order is christopher MELONI, lmao. MELONI MORONI. He has that half bald head thing going on which makes him look like a melon(i) 4 realsies
70apparently there's quite a few prostitutes in this very hotel. there goes my drive to speak to any thots. not that I speak to anyone here. I've spotted a few germans around my age but you know damn well I'm never gonna approach strangers.
71Take me to applebee's! I want one of their hand crafted burgers! They look so good. I keep checking my phone then realize it's useless.
72Is marcos pizza really as good as their advertisements say?
73>2 wEeKS iS NOt thAt lOng
7420:10. I'm dead tired and in my room again. I'm gonna put it on jetlag and being ripped from my sleep at 3:30 am and spending a unhealthy amount of time outside. if anyone told me i wasn't making the most of my vacay, I'd probably agree with them. If I really wanted to experience shit I should be hitting the streets right now and drink at bars together with locals and others from around the world. But I'm not like that. It isn't easy for me to break free from my usual behavior, especially not in a foreign country where I spend every second wondering if I'll make it back unharmed. was outside for roughly about 45 minutes to have dinner. I was late so my mom sat with two german guys, all around her age. i'm guessing 60 something. Naturally, I had to sit with them too. they gave us some nice travelling advice. Still, sitting with people I don't know made me uncomfortable. I focused on my plate and didn't say a word. Now that its night, there's guards everywhere. On one hand it feels nice to know you're at least. 
75Cont. 2
76somewhat protected but on the other it feels like this place is in lockdown mode.
77all in all, I think I made the best I, as a person, could out of my day. First day I actually enjoyed a little. I'm making progress.
78Did I tell you that I built a sandcastle today? calling it a castle is a little ballsy. it was barely more than a glorified anthill but I liked it. I made it with my own two hands even if the material wasn't optimal. almost completely dry. the sand needs to be wet but not so wet it runs through your fingers. It's fun to sit a bit further away from the sea ans dig until you reach water. I didn't do that one yet because I was a little embarrassed. one of these days I'm gonna do it though. while the normies are out drinking in the jacuzzi, I'm out there studying the ways of sand. what was shocking is that not a single kid was building castles! How the fuck did these kids grow up? Is sandcasteling a boomer thing? if nobody else steps up to the plate, this 6'3 man is gonna outengineer everyone. Give me a plastic shovel and a bucket LETS GOOOOOOO
79I had a really nice orange/cinnamon tea with my dinner. I loved it. might be more of a winter kind of tea but still gonna cop when I get bacc. tomorrow is friday. Tomorrow in 2 weeks I'll be on that plane back home. yeap, only 2 more weeks sweety, grrrrrr~. 14 more days of nofap nohappiness nohome nofriends nowifi.
80all this american tv makes me think of fany
81end of day. 
82
83dawn of the 4th day:
84feel a little sick and the constant high pitched humming of the ac keeps me from relaxing. 
85good news is that I slept a little longer tgan yesterday. it"s now 5:25 AM, 30th of August. 
86Friday evening in exactly 14 days I'm gonna board the plane. Feels good to know there's an end in sight. I still don't like waking up here but whatever, there were no more panic attacks so far. don't get me wrong, I still want to go home asap, I merely just accepted my situation. 
87I thought about what those two guys and a lot of people at the airport and our commute said and I feel like all these people here are the real incels. the way they speak about young people and especially women is quite disgusting (if this isn't a sign there's something wrong idk. since when was I an sjw whiteknight). tl;dr: too many sexpats and people who speak condescendantly. I figure that's how the world works. Ah, one thing I forgot to mention: there's not a day going by without my mom urging me to speak to girls at least 5 times. You'd think she'd give up after I told her not to bother me with that multiple times but nope. 
88Not sure how the thinks my brain works but no means no and being raped with tge question over and over again doesn't make me want to do it. 
89You know another thing I miss? freezing cold. Rain. Thick blankets. I hope autumn already started when I'm back. I have a crewneck and long joggers with me and I'm definitely gonna put them both on departure day. maybe the crewneck only when we're about to touch down. good thing this one's in the evening. We're gonna be tired af and sleep a bit probably. back when I was young, I hated thinking about having to go back. it always ruined my mojo when I counted the days and realized that my days are going by in a hurry. I also thought vacay as an adult would bevthe coolest thing ever. My way of thinking made a complete 180. Realistically, kids are easier to please and making friends way easier. Even back then it took me a few days to actually find people to hang out with regularly but there wasn't much talking involved. hop into the pool or climb onto a slide and sooner or later you start  playing with someone. Now it's harder. First of all,  everybody sticks together in groups. second, there's no pool except the tiny one where parents swim with or watch their kids very closely and lastly, approaching someone when there's no mutual activity is nearly impossible for me. even if I did, wtf do you do after in this terrible, half closed down place. No place to play sports in or outside the water, no place to hang out casually away from people's eyes, no points of interest, no activities other than that hotel's own club which is open for 2 measly hours and probqbly filled with old people. this bed isn't even comfortable. I demand to be teleported to my own one. this is actual garbage. Can't chill in this one for an extended period of time. I qlso don't trust these pillows and everything else in this bed to be clean. they changed the sheets but it's another stained one, this time at a different place. 
90solid wake up rant, only 14 more of these to go. haHAA. Look MaN, at first I was just being to cheap to pay for wifi. now after finding out my phone can't into it even if I wanted to, I feel hopeless. I really want to blast music on speakers and wake up to whatever stream I put on and just spend 18 hours shitposting and drink in the evening and be a degen in the threads (on fridays only, which would be today). 
91Kathy Park from today in new york is a total mommy. Fuck. 
92Harry potter is on, naisu. Morning saved
93rewatching them once in a while is fun. They're my childhood movies (and books) and the only ones I enjoy watching again and again. 
94I've yet to look at a pic or webm of an east asian female. I'm experiencing withdrawal
95WORST. HOTEL/RESORT. EVER.
96you'd think there's at least a volleyball net at a BEACH hotel? Nope. Big pool still under complete reconstruction. 3rd world workpace. they work like 1 hour ever other day. No way it's gonna be open before we dip.
97but hold it! You think this is another repetitive rant about how this place absolutely blows, how the layout and design is too forced and hospital like? Or how I CAN'T DRINK THE TAP WATER AND IT SMELLS LIKE CHLORINE AND EVERY OTHER POSSIBLE CHEMICAL I DON'T WANT TO INGEST?
98no, this rant is different. It's about this very state of
99we wanted to do a tour to a national park
100at least it was advetised as such
101turns out it was just some retarded boat tour around the park and some beach time at some tourist area. 
102not after driving through half of the country and collecting people from various hotels of course.
103Whole day national park tour my ass. they wanted 130 dorrars for that, PER PERSON. luckily enough that dumbass approached us and accidentally spilled the beans about where exactly we're going so we got curious and asked some questions and found out about the true nature of this tour. long story short, we cancelled and made like 40 dorrar minus because of some seconsd company cancellation fee bs.
104this wouldn't have happened if that retard had the intelligence to keep his stories straight. he approached us TWICE. first time we unintentionally ignored him and second time he came running to us for no apparent reason.
105So, sunday trip I was actually exited for turned out to be a bust even before we went.
106Not a single thing is going right with this "vacation". it's more like a very expensive trip to purgatory. at least I'll be able to catch some of the law and order special
107we're planning on going on a (self organized) trip to a monastery later next week. thursday to be precise. Let's see if this one goes right. 
108Later today we're going to a very popular beach in the next city. Not quite looking forward to that, I feel like being outside as a tourist is suicide. 
109you attract too much unwanted attention and everybody tries to speak to you acting all friendly when they're just after your money.
110it's actual hell for me. feels like walking through a zombie apocalypse. too many loud voices, too much unwanted contact and that general feeling of being unsafe. It's distressing
111prisoner of azkaban emma a cute.
112didn't I say that I'm getting used to it earlier? I'm not thia is all too stressful for me. I don't really have an appetite and I was holding back tears the whole time during lunch. In fact, I still am. my vision is blurry and it feels like something is stuck in my throat. I guess that's how being on the verge of crying feels. but I can't let go 
113cont. 3
114I cannot cry, I don't got feelings.
115not surw what triggered it. Maybe being unable to stay inside all day when i want to. Maybe not being able to do what I wanna do most in life. Maybe realizing that I'll be cut off from friends for two more whole weeks..
116I can't even say idc about it. I'm stuck here all on my lonesome with no way to escape and no possibility to just lock myself in and kill the thoughts with media, alcohol and talks to people who care about me. This is day four of being here and day 5 from being away from home and I'm not entirely sure if I can make it through 14 more days without suffering a major breakdown. these feels hit me the hardest at noon to early afternoon because that's when evening at home would be. in the actual evening I can just glue myself to the tv and wait till I fall asleep and in the morning I watch american news till breakfast.
117after waking up is when I'm most hopeful, I guess. Maybe it's in the evening because that is when I made it through another tiresome day.
118At home I just get depressed, here I freak out and tears start flowing. I have to go to my room to calm down but that's not really a fix either. there's just nobody to see me like this. the outside is too much for me. too many people coming and going, too many new faces and I don't know if they're not silently judging me. Maybe not so silently too. It actually feels like they're screaming at my face from every side. The people, the place, even warm, moist air.
119I have to leave again, gotta ask the front desk where to exchange money, for some kind of payphone and the bus connection to the destination of our big 5 day trip to and from the monastery. prisoner of azkaban still on. I missed out on almost the entire second and third movie and I won't see the other ones either. Kill me. gotta rewatch when I... You know..
120doesn't even make me want to kms, just to hide and cry. It's miserable
121front desk is busy, epic win. 3pm is when all the people that want to check in arrive and it's the beginning of the weekend. Got one more hour until I'm forced to go outside again.
122did you hear that, it's the weekend!
123wow, I love the weekend! It's the time where you do things that make you happy and lots of wagie personalities come back to the threads! Hah! both things I can't experieeeeeence because I'm trapped in this 3rd world (((country))) . I'm not a racist BUT if I hear one more person speak spanish @ me, I'm running through this place with my chopper off safety.
124prisoner of azkaban does a great job at setting the dark, depressing mood for the rest of the series without failing to recapture the comic relief and light hearted character relations of the more cheerful previous movies. It truly is the goat harry potter movie. the outfits are on point and the storyline is full of interesting twists. the later movies are way too dramatic
125They want almost 8 dollars for a bag of cheetos?! Hell no, I'm gonna go snackless for tge next two weeks
126hey it's friday! I just wanted to say that again. you're bored right now, right bella? I just remembered that your game night got moved to wednesday so you got nothing to do on friday nights. me neither. this and next friday are gonna bore me to death. the worst part about the room cleaners is that it's not a one and done. They should do all of the things in one swoop and as fast as possible. Instead, they're at it from 10am to somewhen in the afternoon. I put the do not disturb sign on my door but I can still hear them knocking on others doors. there's like 3 to 5 different cleaning people and they come in intervalls so if you were retarded enough not to put the sign on your door, three to five different people disturb your peace and walk through your room. Imagine if anything would get stolen. nobody would ever know who the fuck took it out of your room. I bet they don't even document who was in what room at what time and I'm not sure if they have lots of security cam coverage.
127THIS MUST BE SOME KIND OF DIVINE INTERVENTION. GOD IS ON MY SIDE. we were about to head out on our trip when the sky got cloudy. like dark grey all around. sky is rumbling. all that in a country were there's almost NEVER bad weather. seems like it'll be a "comfy" day in, watching the harry potter marathon.
128I couldn't believe it at first. my room got darker and I heard constant rumbling from outside. just before I get dressed I took a peak outside and there it was. exactly what I was hoping for. Trouble in paradise. now hopefully this lasts for a little longer. This is my first moment of true happiness here. got pretty damn close when I was jumping into the waves but this is way better. room dark as fuck because I closed blinds, good tv, thunder rolling in the bg, now I only need some rain
1294th one is on rn and I gotta say that the beginning is pretty nice and I wish they made a whole slice of life harry potter movie.
130of course that b word had to ruin it for me again
131Just spent like 5 minutes explaining that staying inside is what makes me happy and helps me relax. I opened up and all she had to say was how I should come outside anyway because there's some music playing. Like, bitch idgaf if there's music playing outside I'm staying inside all fucking day. I was considerate enough to even come on this hellride. Once I do what I wanna do and suddenly there's no understanding for it. I even explained but she doesn't leave me alone. I thought I'm the retarded one that can't understand others or show empathy but turns out other people are just as problematic. She's always preaching how she wants me to be happy and how I should tell her if I want to do anything differently or alone but in the end she just wants me to be happy her way and doesn't understand that this would only make me more miserable even when I tell her directly to her face.
132good thing I'm stubborn too. not leaving, nuh uh sweety. Turns out I completely forgot how tv and in fact third world works. storm came with signal loss and power outtage. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THE ONLY ENGLISH CHANNEL I CAN RECEIVE IS PLAYING AMERICAN HOUSEWIVES WTFFFFFFFF. I WAS HYPED FOR HARRY POTTER. AHHHHHHHHHH CAN ONE THING GO RIGHT FOR OOOOOOOONCE
133I can hear a few sirens going off in the distance. finally, the apocalypse is nigh. the good one. Hope this whole place gets torn down
134now even that channel is down, great. time for laying down like a depressed banana
135TV IS BACK!
136It's actually insane how much anti depressant commercials there are on american tv.hey, you feel a little down? Take these! They can only give you these 20 negative side effects and don't even think about asking for the cause of your problems. You might think that figuring out the roots of your problems might help you but no, these pills are the real solution. in general meds get a lot of ads around the clock.
137gone again right when the tournament started.
138back on harry's turn. 
13920 sec power outtage.
140snape got swag. Love his movement and style.
141Arby's has a good slogan, it always makes me want to say it together with the announcer. Those are some massive looking burgers. their buns look a little like their cowboy hat logo.
142weekend is apparently when some of the locals come here for two days. god damn they're LOUD.
143Bluetooth boxes, constant loud chatter in the hallway etc. mfw my hallway isn't quiet anymore. fuck those people. signal is gone again. now there's a huge error message on my screen
144nearly half an hour without signal now, looks like that's it for the marathon. Hope this problem fixes till tomorrow or else I'm gonna have a bad time. Another interruption by yours truly. spewwing some dumb shit about me losing faith and about mw hiding etc. Also told me to not watch so much tv.
145guess what bitch, I haven't had any faith in months. I will also watch as much tv as I WANT, thank you very much. It's your fucking fault I'm stuck here. I would be doing way better if I was at home. I also told you this shit makes me happy and you 
146Cont 4.
147
148Still want me to do what you think is right (wrong). So much for caring about my wellbeing. I can talk about what I feel all I want and not a single word gets taken seriously. Epic gamer move. then I get questions like y u never talk about how you feel if I just shut up because it's pointless to explain. fuck her.
149This vacation has the total opposite effect it should've. I'm way more stressed out and unhappy here than I am at home.
150All hope is lost, I lost the only channels that matter and it seems like there's a problem with the antenna itself
151shocked to find out that toilet paper goes into the trashbin next to the toilet here. 
152this doesn't seem hygenic at all. 
15321:20. This might be an ongoing problem. I might be unable to watch anything but boring news channels. Why are they doing me like this and who are they.
154saw some thicc brown local cuties at dinner today but the people in my hallway are still insufferable pricks. Loud rolling noises and crashes and hella giggles can be heard. I'm sure they're doing something dumb.
155Seems like there's a lot more entertainment going on on friday nights. By entertainment I mean a playback live band with fake instruments and a theather show that starts in 15 minutes. 
156lmoa, they danced to MIB theme completely off sinced and lip synched that "and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiIIIIIIIII will always love you while standing on stage absolutely motionless while one guy praced around awkwardly. No thanks, I'm going back inside again. 
157So uhhh, instead of the harry potter marathon and law & order, I'm watching some lego show. My life has hit a new low, it's either lego movie or news about hurricane dorian.
158
159Day 5, breh:
160
161First time sleeping till 8:30 am, sleep schedule is normalizing. tv still broke, doesn't look like a problem that'll fix itself.
162only been up for 6 minutes, can't really comment about how I feel yet. I think it's important to note that I only have to endure 12 more regular days after today on the 13th we check out and hop on the jet. time is slowly but surely going by and I grow more happy with every day I can deduct of this hell trip. 12 days is only 1 and a half weeks and I think the last few days will go over in a breeze anyway. gotta get changed for breakfast now. Negative news: I probably won't get away with chilling today. Nice weather again and since my tv doesn't work anymore I also have nothimg but fire emblem and writing this log to kill time throughout the next 12 days. not sure how I'll survive but I'll try my best. 12 days is next to nothing. if we go on a 3 to 5 day trip through the country that means I only have 9-7 days of hotel life left. Isn't that great? only one more week in this godforsaken place.
163good news, kings. my usual strat of procrastinating until my mom does things on her own worked. She got a small map of where the payphone shop and the omnibus station is. All we gotta do is call the monastery and hop on that 4 hour bus ride, yeehaw. we gonna do that on the last weekend. Probqbly friday or saturday so we come back on monday or tuesday. That would leave us with only 2 or 3 days of resort chilling afterwards before we go home. Perfect plan, eh ese?
164It's in a small village so we'll at least see some autentic part of the country. Never stayed at a monastery before. maybe it's boring, maybe it'll give me some time to think. anyway, anything is better than being locked in here. Speaking about being locked in, I'm growing a little more indifferent about this place every day. Gonna head down to the beach amd read a little and maybe jump into the water afterwards. Now that cnn and bbc news is the only thing I can watch, staying inside has become a little boring. Still got fire emblem so I'll prob grind that more in the upcoming days. between 1 and 4 o clock, staying outside is like suicide. Too hot, too much sun. 
165you know who I miss right now? Arin. For no reason. I just want to see her face. I also daydreamed of yuna in that yellow top and the alexander wang high waist pants earlier. not lewd ofc, I just thought about what my first post after this will be like. My priority will be hitting you up on discord. Then, as I compile this log into a pastebin I'll open archives and threads. then I'll reply to some post in the thread with the alexander wang yuna. 
166stay tuned for my afternoonly menboong. 
167correction, it starts getting too fucking hot at like  12:15. TV has been fixed, yay. 7th (?) maybe 6th (something something memory collecting) harry potter movie is on. The 40k book is starting to get interesting too. didn't swim yet, maybe gonna do that later. 12 min till lunch. not that hungry yet, probably just getting something light and lots of water. Siesta after that, gonna watch some tv until it cools down. Can I have a sihyeon gf I can put my dick into every once in a while? Cowgirl with her laying down on me? 
168Chill tyme? Chill day!
169Feeling alright (still).
170I thinl the kid of the family that moved innjist across of me threw a fit and the guy beat it or something. This actually happened when I was heading down to the beach, I just forgot to write it down. I can't deal with screaming and crying so I powerwalked away as fast as possible.
171What's a credit score? I see lots of commercials about it but I'm not quite sure how it works? What increases/decreases it?
172The movie is "half blood prince" not sure which one this is but it gotta be five or six
173First time hearing about that kelly clarkson chic. Looks like another omg so relatable talkshow.
174yo, bellatrix lestrange is fucking HOOOOOOOOOOT. Crazy, pushy, sexual dom mommy who loves torturing, destroying and killing? I'm in, vato.
175Pt. 1 of the end is on. I originally planned on going swimming but I can't miss the finale of this. I was dead set on sihyeon earlier but gidle soyeon could get it just as hard. think the nofap is catching up to me. I won't budge however, I won't break my 19 day nofap prematurely. Especially not in this lacking environment. I'll do that on my first or second day back home to one of my favorite idols, preferably with a certain someone.
176Will only get to watch 50 minutes of the last movie because of dinner. Sucks. Maybe I'll be done before it ends. technically, dinner is till 10pm but I told my mom I'd be there at 8. Didn't know my tv would be working again. Oh my god, I just realized that goblins in harry potter are just magical jews. Gigantic hook noses, greedy, unfriendly, owns the only magical bank in the universe, have their own society, are merchants, unforgiving, no loyalty to anything but money, nobody likes them and lots of them die by a fire spewing dragon. 
177Fuck vodka, imma get myself a bottle of whisky when I'm back. Didn't have that in a long time.
178Made back right when the end action starts. of course it took some talking and most importantly walking away beforre the conversation devolved into an endless discussion of wether I'm living and acting the right way or not. I'm expecting angry knocks on my door very soon.
179ngl, there was that one black girl at the buffet wearing one of those thin black dresses with the slit at tge side up to the waist. She was fat but in a good way and you see basically the whole shape of her ass and the individual cheeks and of course her exposed thighs and I had to turn away really quickly because I nearly had a heart attack seeing that. Why do girls have to make nofap so hard? That dress also had hella cleavage. she was a whole unit. Crush me, black bbw thighmommy. Are there any kdramas aboit a cute  mute girl finding love?
180Ugh, they're showing fantastic beasts now. I sleep.
181
182Day6:
183
184Isn't there a gaypop band named like that? 
185Creaky bathroom door almost feels like a piece of home. Almost.
186My room door always creaks, no amount of oil saves me from that for a long time.
187It's 2 am, I'll go back to bed after a quick toilet break.
188Need to watch sankarea.
189You appeared in my dream. 
190Cont. 5
191
192we didn't know each other but what you said sounded familiar.
193Guess what chads, I made it through another day and night. After today only 11 more full days, 12 3/4 days till I can lay down in my own bed again.
194Do you know how hard it is to survive with only one phone w/o wifi? I can't even play and cool single player games on it. The screen is tiny. Typing is hard and takes a lot of time. I can't even format my texts. I haven't made a webm in weeks. I need a keyboard and a mouse in hand. And the big screens, oh how I miss them.
195We'll be home between 7 and 7:30 pm on the 14th. That's like the perfect time to get smashed for the first time in almost 3 weeks.
196Lmao, there was a 3 second ad for a suicide prevention hotline. Thanks guys, my phone doesn't work here. This resort and town is prostitution heaven. The amount of old white guys eating and walking around with local qts in skimpy outfits is unreal. And those chicks are all around my age. Sucks looking like you don't have money. Also sucks being retarded. I bet I could get my dick wet if I actually knew how to talk to and approach femoids. Anyway, I guess it's better that way. Std risk is probably really fucking high round here. I'm back on my bullshit, just nailed the shoot and one of the 6ix9ine dances. In my room where nobody could see me of course. I'm not dancing for nobody. law and order marathon here I come. the epic thing is that the 1999 episodes look exactly the same as the new ones on this 240p 4:3 screen. Real vintage shit. 
197Darlington Race is the most american thing I've seen in a while.
198Yo wtf, does svedka vodka really come in plastic bottles?! Alcohol in plastic bottles ewww. that's highestkey disgusting.
199That redhead lawyer/prosecutor tho. She eas hot as fuck back them and she's still hot as fuck now. She can get IT. and by IT I mean HARD. RELENTLESS. MATING. PRESSING. her name is diane neal. She's on my cumming list now.
200Just came back from lunch and oh my GAAAAAH diane is blonde now, I can't control my love boner and boner boner. Yep, that's my absolute state. We waifuing white middle aged actresses now. 2 hours downtime before we check out the city again, this time with a map. We're searching for the bus station and the, then we check out the local public beach (wish me luck). They're probably preying on tourists there. If it's shit, we're dipping right away so that's good. I suggested it to escape a real trip. I know it's gonna suck and we're gonna be back right away but she suggested going there everyday since we arrived. I'm just outplaying her. Yo, I miss watching streams and stream highlights. GGX and XQC give me life. One of them is just as depressed and retarded as me, the other one is just plain funny as long as he doesn't stream OW.
201Oh hayoung's voice is like honey melting (?) in my ear. Listened to the album on the plane. Gotta give it a good relisten on my speakers. The motor noises basically made listening to music 70% less enjoyable. Also being cramped into a tiny airplane (good song) seat where you couldn't even lean back. I have abnormally long flamingo legs, putting the table down was a pain in the ass (knee). Everytime some fucker walked by and grabbed the seat in front of me I feared for the life of my knee because it was resting pressed against it. Fucking idiots putting their whole weight on the seat. Do you have any idea how often I had to lift my legs? 
202IT'S A DIANE SOLO EPISODE, MY DIIIIIIIIIIICK.
203I still want a sihyeon gf. it irks me that I still didn't have a chance to order their new album.
204My bbc album came with a sihyeon cd and photocard. The postcard at the back was an onda one. Thought it always was the same but I could've gotten every other member. Only found out about that months after I got the album
205that at&t boygroup commercial song is stuck in my head.
206reminds me, I'm not only missing out on kpop but also rap releases.
207haven't listened to a single kpop or hiphop song since I got off that plane. Already mentioned the reasons for that. Doesn't feel that good to be honest. Gonna make it though. No music till I'm back on the plane. I turned into a true Englishman. Had more tea than water or soda to my meals. You know what bugs me? These boneheads put up breakfast tea on dinner and sometimes on lunch but NEVER on brekkie. As a right proper lad, I can't stand for this.
208Trip to the city was successful in many ways.
209We got a phone card, exchanged like 140 dorrar into local currency and found the bus stop. 4 1/2 half hour ride, about 9 dollars per ticket. Tickets for sale one day prior. We also found the local beach and saw more of the city. Here's the second big achievement. We walked through the ghetto very near to our hotel and it totally freaked my mother out. It was just bars and a few street hookers here and there but to her everyone looked like a dangerous and intimidating cartel member. she won't wanna go out of the hotel anytime soon. To me it seemed fine. Sure, there were lots of people sitting at tables on the sidewalks but it was like 5pm and the sun was still up. because it is sunday, most of the shops were closed. none of them even approached or looked at us. Yeah it was rundown as fuck but what do you expect of a city in an almost 3rd world country. It's great for me though, I'll get some rest now. She always bugged me about going into the city. People are quite friendly here, they'll help you around if you seem lost. There was a large scale sportsbar, apparently they show football too. One bar/club had some notices on the. First was "no drugs", second was "no underage people"  and third was "no weapons". In that order. I thought that was kind of amusing. Reminds me, I was watching queen of the south earlier. Teresa kind of looks like a latina song jihyo. 10/10 would call her mommy. She really should try to smile every once in a while though. Ironic coming from me. Apparently I always look angry or sad. Can't blame them, I never smile or talk and my eyebrows look a little angry. Gonna use that "now you're gonna die, cabron!" quote when I successfully disarmed one of the mafioso(read: when I'm at a safe 500 m distance after handing them my wallet and shirt.)
210On the topic of shirts, I packed way too many. I almost took my whole summer closet. 
211Should've gotten more pants instead. Easier said than done. 
21222:20 right now, ending the day slowly. 
213Lincoln SUVs look dope. I didn't know they still make cars. Once saw a really old box lincoln towncar in a city near my home. It was huge. 
214
215Day 777:
216
21710 days, lads. 10 more days after 2day. Soon we're in the one digit numbers. Today is a relaxed day. Nothing planned but sitting back. I'm doing it, man. I'm really doing it. Planned something for Tuesday and Wednesday, thursday is another chill day. Friday we drive to through the country to the monastery. Sunday or monday we come back. Another few chill days then we're going home. Is asap rocky free yet? May I suggest sex with elkie? The loving kind? 
218Watching "growing up chrisley" for the first time. Bit weird but I have no choice. 
219Just had breakfast. They refilled on breakfast tea just when I was about to prepare my second orange cinnamon. Lucky! Feeling disconnected from reality again, think I spent too much time inside. You know that feel when everything around you feels like a prerecorded video and you're not really there but you kinda are still? It makes me quite uncomfortable and I felt the need to flee the scene. Gonna go outside at like 10:30 to 11aM to do some light reading. Still on page 60 btw. 
220I hope my waifu never wears a bikini. 
221There's this cute bl*ck employee whos facial features look like elly's. She also wears braces. I get a little shy whenever I walk past her. 
222How many idols with braces are there? I only know of wony
223Which crime show was Angie Harmon on? I saw her on a commercial just now. 
224Cont. 6
225
226That new movie "Hustlers" has Cardi in it? Might actually go to the movies for the first time in years. Would be the first time I go to the cinema alone. It drops on the 13th.
227AAAAAAAHHHHHHH GIVE ME DISCORD ACCESS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, I CAN'T KEEP TALKING TO MYSELF WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND. SO MANY THINGS TO TALK ABOUT BUT NOBODY TO TALK TO.
228Feel like I forgot how to speak, i forgot lots of words and grammar in both german and english. feels good sounding dumb.
229Whole 1 hour and 40 minutes of being outside. Read a little at the beach.
230I think I got smarter after this whole week of watching news, reading, drinking tea and limiting my alcohol intake to one tiny cup of beer ever 2 days and not fapping. Getting healthier too. No weird nagging pain right below the ribcage or nausea. I'm eating lots of fruits and go to bed early and sleep lots. Can't wait to tear this lifestyle into pieces. Saw some russian chick in a very small bikini. Like, her ass was all out there.
231Everytime I think about bikinis, I'm reminded of sakura. She really is perfect. What more could you possibly want in a human?
232brb, sketching up the layout of a sakura shrine. 
233Really gotta get back into weebing and getting drunk before binging sad movies. 
234Pause real quick, I got a question. How the fuck do you create a beer that tastes like shit even when it's ice cold? Why does it almost turn my stomach upside down. Not amused with your cerveza, it's worse than cheap high gravity.
235Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah yes, the slow decent into insanity. Being cut off from your friends, family (read: friends) and loved ones (read: friends) accelerates that, I suppose. They finally changed that miiversecore elevator music they've been playing at the buffet for 2 days. 
236Just realized svu is pretty much an sjw show. Not cool. Especially the female lead is terrible "she was raped and this guy was near her so it must be him even if there's absolutely no evidence. I just know he did so he's guilty and I'll tell everyone and drag him into court". "oops I ruined his life and it turns out he wasn't guilty". Crikey. Oooooooh she's strickly anti poor because it turns men into rapists and convinces women to emulate hookers. The new prosecuter sucks too, give me diane back. 
237Oh my god, I just remembered yeji exists. Now I'm lovesick on top of being far away from home and the internet. End me. 
238Wonder what the weather back home is like. We'll be coming home in mid September, it's gotta be like 17 degrees max or something like that. Nothing to worry about, I got long pants and a pullover with me.
239Looking forward to "straight up steve austin" airing tonight. My mother keeps asking me about meeting new friends or girls here. I told her that meeting people here isn't what I'm after. She didn't understand, of course. She's obsessing about it. No matter how often I tell her that my way of being happy is different from hers, she never listens. We had a 30 minute conversations where I told her what makes me happy and what doesn't but she thinks I'm somehow wrong. It's frustrating. Mom wanted to go out to check on that other tour, luckily it was closed. We bought a strap back for her amd went back inside. 15 min trip max. I still hate how she never responds to my questions. She didn't like any because they have that classic tourist print on it but she also didn't want to leave. I asked if she changed her mind, no answer. I asked her if she wanted to check out other stores, no answer. She started reaching for caps on the shelf that was quite high up so I told her I can help if she tells me which color she wants, no answer. It's not that she doesn't hear me or doesn't understand, she's not THAT old. Mind that this is the same person that always complains that I never talk to her. Guess why. I hate her. There, I said it. I've never cared about her even once. I didn't attempt to kms because she was sick and in hospital. I tried because I wanted to get away from my life. School stress, alcoholism, the past, the present where nobody cared and most importantly her and her personal problems. I couldn't even be at ease at home. I talked about my point of view and problems and how I feel often enough but I was never listened to. I just waited for the right moment. I couldn't pull through though. I put the fire out before it could even spread past the first coal. I was closer to death in the night to saturday and on the days after than I ever was on friday night. Would've been ironic if I accidentally died because I tried to do something that seemed sensible at that time. I know it wasn't gonna happen. My body is strangely resilient. I put the fire out because I knew I was gonna survive anyway. I would've woken up with brain damage and burn injuries. So many times I should've died, been sick or seriously injured but nothing but scratches happened. I need something objectively fatal like a gun or I won't ever get out of this life. When I'm at a place high up I ask myself if the drop would kill me. I know now that killing myself isn't the way. I just need to move away and cut everyone I hate out of my life. I've done it countless times before at it worked like a charm.
240You know, everybody likes to blame it on my dad and the environment I grew up in for me being fucked up. Truth is that my mom is AT LEAST equally guilty. 
241That's enough afternoonly mental breakdown for today.
242Yeji is still on my mind. I stubbed my elbow when I plopped down on the bed. Yes, it hurt.
243So cashback is what the long nose tribe calls their new brainwashing tool.
244Bailed after finishing my food. (((She))) always has a glass of red wine to her dinner and she takes FOREVER to finish it. Literally an hour or so. It's not even an actual real life sized wine glass. Maybe it's the binge drinker speaking inside of me but I'd smash than glass in 1 and a half gulps when it's filled to the brim, which it usually isn't.
245My attempts to explain why finding a short time girlfriend isn'ty priority have been misinterpreted. 
246>wwe on
247I sleep. Figuratively.
248this is high quality cringe
249Uh oh gears 5 bros, there's a woman on the cover of your game and she's hogging the cam in the tv trailer.
250
251Day 8:
252Missed that steve austin show, I slept in way before it aired.
2535:46 am, my mouth is dry as hell but there's no place I could get anything to drink. I'd buy a big bottle of water if there was an actual convenience store nearby. I'm not giving that hotel shop jew any money, their shit is crazy overpriced.
254Stomach issues solved themselves. Got 2 and a half hours until breakfast.
255Oh, almost forgot the most important part: counting days! 9 full days left after today, going home on the 10th day. Starting our journey back by checking out at 1 pm on the 13th of september. We'll be on the move for roughly 21 hours. We're in the single digits now and by the end of tomorrow we've been here longer than what's leftvof our stay. Send me your strength! I'll carry on like a bulldozer, like a tank like a soldier~
256Himeulne! Look, I know I'm kpop depraved and my ability to judge the severity of datecrime isn't what it used to be but I think I might be able to forgive one or two groups. Can I really instacancel a group I followed for what feels like an eternity just because one of their members is dumb? I'm not sure. What I'm also not sure about is how long my leniency will last. I give it about a week after returning until I'm back to being my angry incel superfan self. Anyway, I can't wait to listen to bdz and tt on the way back.
257mfw no kgf. had a split second daydream that hayoung was laying next to me, smiling. 
258>love line with the fuckboy agent
259that female ncis la agent is cancelled.
260I reaaaally feel like playing COD and having fastfood and snacks. I'd kill for a pizza and a bag of chips. Without 4chan I don't have an outlet for my mental illness.
261NO CHOCOLATE SAUCE YET AGAIN!
262There was only honey and strawberry sauce, breakfast ruined. We made the phonecall to the monastery
263Cont. 7
264
265stomach ache while eating. I might die here. 
266Tired of clawing sand out of my ass, FUCK the beach. 
267Let them "clean" my room, turns out they didn't clean shit. I cam still find my own hair on my pillows and bed sheets. Lazy mfers. Still got the same green decoration rag on my bed they gave me a week ago. I know because the STAINS ARE STILL ON IT AND EXACTLY AT THE SAME PLACES AND I FOR SURE DIDN'T PUT THEM THERE. All they did was emptying the bin and rub and drag their extremities all over my room. Very comforting thought. I wish I could spam twitch chat with dumb memes. the girl in the mercari commercial reminded me of eunha. A very busted, old non-asian eunha.
2681 pm btw. Gonna grab a snack in 30 minutes then stay in all day.
269I'm halfway through the book. I wish he wrote a little more about the greenskin side. Most of it is just tech gibberish and talk about ultramarines.
270My first gov- uh, hotel issued soap is nearly depleted. I got one more, surely it'll last me for the rest of the stay. Shampoo is almost empty too. There's still one tiny tube of conditioner left, gonna use that instead. It's basically the same anyway.
271Just saw a roach for the first time in my life, haunting experience. Luckily it wasn't in my room but still. yikers, that thing was huge.
272!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THOSE CLEANING BASTARDS LEFT THE SLIDING DOOR OPEN. IT HAS BEEN OPEN FOR MULTIPLE HOURS NOW. WHAT IF ANY INSECTS GOT IN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I'm never opening any door in this room ever again. I don't care if the room smells or gets moldy, I'm outta here in a bit more than a week.
273The law and order episodes where Ice T has the main role are the most entertaining. No matter how hard he tries, he really can't pull off the cop role. In or outside the office he just doesn't look, sound or act like a some special agent police officer. It's the best. Everyone is in suits or uniforms, he's just chilling in a track top and a chain. You know what's worse than being depressed? Being depressed when everyone else around you couldn't be happier. I don't feel depressed, I think. that would come with a lot more sadness. I just don't really want to  be near anyone else. Depression lite.
274Heejin, Haseul, Hyunjin, Vivi, Yeojin, Kim Lip, Jinsoul, Choerry, Yves, Chuu, Gowon, Olivia. Gyuri, Saerom, Jisun, Jiwon, Seoyeon, Hayoung, Jiheon, Chaeyoung, Nakyoung. E:U, Onda, Yiren, May, Aisha, Sihyeon. Chaeyoung, Dahyun, Tzuyu, Sana, Momo, Mina, Jihyo, Nayeon, Jeongyeon.
275My stomach ache is still there, I'm highkey concerned.
276"I" "made" "myself" an eggs and bacon sandwhich for breakfast. It was a disappointment. Bread was dry and too thick, no real toaster availiable. most importantly, they charred each and every piece of ham. Every single one burnt to a crisp. Needless to say, I did not enjoy my brekkie.
277Just had a crazy good idea. Instead of shopping at a local store when I get home, I should shop for whisky in the duty free at the german airport. More selection and I'm gonna save that 19% of tax(theft btw). Law and order episodes end way too soon. Sometimes they have really good story ideas but they just end it when they catch the guilty guy and never show the aftermath. Uhg, I really don't want to leave my room. at least I know that it's not the place but a preference of mine. Just thought about it and dogs might actually be kind of cool. Some of them, not all. Not keeping one EVER. Having to care for another living being is too much of a burden. I barely managed to feed my cat when I was alone for a few weeks. Temptation Island has to be the most degenerate show I've ever heard of. They semd couples to an island and record them cheat. Of course they're all gonna be actors and not real couples but it's still kinda fucked up. 
278Jiu, Handong, Dami, Gahyeon, Siyeon, Sua, Yoohyeon. Look, I'm not addicted to the internet but to east asians. I have a kpop addiction and I'm feeling SEVERE withdrawal. Actually, I'm addicted to kpop AND the internet.
279I swam in the sea today and had a nice read, didn't stay inside all the time. Sand nearly burned my feet. Didn't help me feel better, the opposite actually. People discovered the shade that the Restaurant throws on the beach between morning and 1pm. there used to be only few people but now it's full there. I also was stupid enough to tell my mother about the place a few days ago, now I don't even have a place where I can chill without seeing her. Tough luck.
280Yeonhee, Dahyun, Suyun.......... Nosie 2.0? (Seonkyung, Seoryoung something like that, or was it Yunkyung? I think I'm mixing up a few groups), I forgot the rest. THE AMOUNT OF PICS I MISSED AND STILL GONNA MISS UNTIL I FINALLY HAVE ACCESS TO MY PC IS UNREAL. Minnie, Soyeon, Yuqi, Shuhua, Soojin, Miyeon. Rembering that last name was way harder than it should've been. I love her but I could only remember her face, nkt her name. My brain is melting, help.
281USA channel must watch list: mad max fury road, 2 captain america movies. They're really living up to their name.
282Modern family is on, first time watching. I like sitcoms. Oh, it's the second time. I remember the colombian mommy with the thicc accent.
283Apple Credit Card? Can't wait for the first security breach outrage. Am I weird for being so expressionless and apathetic or are the others the weird ones? I'm not sure anymore. I don't think having like 100 facial expressions a minute is normal. 
284Modern family is really funny, need to see more of this.
285I don't like it when people are looking at me, it disturbs my concentration.
286Writing this after dinner, my stomach ache is still there. only had some fruits. You need to pass through two employees when you want to go into the buffet Restaurant. They do nothing but stand there and greet people. When I walked into the restaurant my mother saw me and waved. I looked directly at her for like 5 seconds and walked on to get my food. she probably thought I didn't see her, which is absolutely ridiculous of a thought because she was the only one standing and waving their arms in the whole Restaurant. Apparently the employees also thought I didn't see her so they started @ing me, which only made me walk faster. Luckily they gave up after shouting after me like 4 times. I didn't turn back once. I was getting my food and she walked all over the Restaurant to the buffet to ask me if I've seen her. It's pretty hard to miss the only person you know in a rather small, closed off establishment, don't you think? Not to mention all the full body waving action. I guess I should've at least raised my arm or something but in that moment I was a little overwhelmed by the situation. I thought making eye contact for a prolonged period of time would be enough to make the other person know that you're aware of their presence. I have those moments where I'm confrontend with a social situation but don't know what to do until it's too late semi often. When I'm thinking about something, I'm usually in autopilot mode and getting out of that takes some time. I usually make the wrong decisions. Back in 11 grade when I was new to the school there was this very social girl that always greeted me. I wasn't used to that at all. one day I walked down the hallway just minutes after hopping out of the school bus. she greeted me very enthusiastically and I was just very conflicted about what to do and say. Ended up walking past her while giving her my trademark expressionless look. Her friends that she was talking to witnessed everything, all of them were in the same biology course I was in. By the time I processed that I should say something back, she already turned back to her friends. split second later she was out of my field of view. I had my headphones on but I could hear her telling her friends that I was weird/unfriendly under her breath. I was pretty sad about that. In fact, I thought about that for the rest of the school year. She never spoke to me after that.
287Cont.8
288
289All of that happened because I was deep in thought and completely overwhelmed by the situation. She was a nice girl and I can't blame her. I'm just incredibly terrible at doing anything.
290Her friends were jerks though, typical chads and stacies. I never got along with any of them. I wasn't even the designated weird guy. My appearance was on fleek and I was doing great in my classes and always willing to help. I also found some friends sooner or later. Sudden social situations just keep ruining my life.
291I played dead while typing this. Mom knocked at my door 3 times. 2 minutes, 3 knocks every time. Any sensible human being would think whoever is in that room is probably sleeping. Not her though, she came back 5 minutes later to knock yet again. It's 21:47 btw. When she knocked for the 5th time I just opened the door. If i didn't, she would've still been harrassing me with knocks. I opened the door and told her I was sleeping and she acted genuinely surprised. I really don't know who's the stranger one here. She always does that, she doesn't give a fuck if you're sleeping or not. She woke me up countless of times back at home whemever she thinks it's "too early to be sleeping". Yet she always takes her afternoon nap even if she has to procrastinates on other things to do so. I didn't wake her up once. When I do it, she literally shakes me awake. Any normal human would sneak out and close the door if they saw someone sleeping. She comes into my room and shakes me awake. Every. Single. Time.
292No fucking reason. Back to the knock story. She acted genuinely surprised when I told her I was sleeping and asked me if I wanted to come outside with her. She completely ignored that I said I was not gonna go out today evening and instead going to sleep early. She was ok with it even and we agreed on meeting at breakfast time and said our good nights. That conversation happened only 20 minutes prior. Nice ignoring skill. Then when I said I wasn't gonna come out she asked me if I wanted to talk. You know I'm not too keen on talking to her exactly because she ignores everything I say so I told her we could do that tomorrow morning. In a nice way of course. I was still curious what she wanted to talk about so I asked, to which she only answered "idk, girls?".
293That marked the end of the conversation for me. Everyday since we're here I had that nerve wracking conversation about how I'm not interested in meeting anyone here. I also talked to her about my "love life" back at home. There's nothing more to talk about. I thought she at least wanted to talk about me feeling down because she actually noticed that earlier when we were having dinner but NO. she just came to bug me with the same questions that put me into this kinda mood. which I also told her btw. It's not that I'm overreacting or interpreting signals wrongly. I clearly state what I want to and don't want to talk about and how it makes me feel but she doesn't give a single fuck.
294I hate her even more now. maybe I'm just sad. I'm not angry, I just feel distressed. I'm being purposely misunderstood.
295I'm gonna use that stomach ache as an excuse not to go out tomorrow. I haven't told her yet so I can easily play the sick card when she tries to drag me around to places.
296WWE smackdown was on earlier, I still think it's dumb but I can't deny it was the most entertaining thing on the 4 channels I could choose from. 
297Oh yeah, I was wrong earlier. I definitely am feeling bad and it's not lite at all, was just staring at nothing at all during dinner. Feeling like a robot. Wish everyone around me wasn't so terrible. Done blaming myself for everything. I'm obviously trying my best at communicating. Wish everyone would just stay very far away from me. 
298Chrisley is on, infinitely better than wwe. 
299Yo, one of the characters just mentioned law and order svu. Uncanny. 
300
301Day 9:
302
303Tomorrow we're in the double digit days. Only 8 more days to go. That's barely more than a week
30406:38 am, not sure what to feel or do yet. gonna grab some breakfast in 2 hours. 
305>New NCIS: LA agent is an indian strong wamen
306Zzz. Hope she's only temporary. 
307They trolled me yet again. They showed tony and all the old cast members in the ncis trailer which made me believe they're finally gonna show some older episodes. They didn't.
308Now they're pulling some psychic witness that can talk to the dead and see the past story out of their ass. Nice real life crime solving show. Navy CIS is finito. 
309"you know, I think talking to girls here would help you" She - 10 hours after we alreadx had that conversation. 
310The playing sick thing worked, we're not going anywhere today. well, it's not even playing. I'm still feeling a little under the weather. I think it was the water. This travelling brochure said that brushing your teeth with tap water is fine but I'm starting to think they pranked me. Got some medication that's not exactly for whatever I'm experiencing. I think it's travel meds, feeling sleepy right now. There was still no chocolate sauce today. Upsetting. Tried having the pancakes with peanut butter, not doing that again. It's not bad but i think I prefer sweet sauce or actual honey on my pancakes. The homey here is very thin and fluid like water. Sudden power outtage. Feel like I a terrible human. My egoism ruins ((her)) vacation. Idk what's right anymore. TV signal stopped working, Trophies is playing in my head. I'll try to nap. wew, I just read the information sheet that came with that med and it really does make you sleepy, lowers motor skills and impairs your concentration. Risk of death by overdose, can make you addicted, quitting cold turkey after taking it for a while is not advised. alcohol enhances the effects.
311It's for treating travel sickness like nausea. 
312At home I'd take the risk but I don't really want to do dumb stuff when there's nobody around. Don't even know where the next actual doctor/Hospital is. 
313we got that in germany, it's not random overseas stuff which also means it probably won't have an effect at all. Most shit we get just murders you without making it feel good. Gonna try and take one on the plane, I think it might help me fall asleep on our way home. Already mentioned the seats not being comfy or adjustable. TV signal is back. Aaaaaaand it's gone. These knuckleheads did something to the antenna again. I only receive all the shit channels. 10 sec power outtage. Mom brought me water and some remedy some people here whipped up. Lemon juice, soda and salt. Lets see if it works.
314I took a second pill earlier and I almost fell asleep. Nice, Cam Newton broke some one handed catch world record.
315>Golfpass
316A whole subscription service just for golf? I didn't think people were that interested in that sleepfest. Dragonball is airing in japanese without subs? I'm confused. 1 hour till lunch. Not sure if I already said this but my sitting posture is horrible. Ok, that's it. She asked if I want her to help me change my clothing style. "Too much black". You can come after everything but my style, especially if you look like a scarecrow wearing rags from last century. I'm casually /fa/, bitch. I'm not even doing experimental shit, just plain black shorts and tees/polos/short sleeved shirts, plain white shoes and nfl cap. Basic but everything fits together. Had to shut down the girl question again. This is borderline harrassment. Speaking of Hara, did any kpops try to off themselves while I was gone?
317I could go for some Brezel right the fuck now. Don't think people here even know what that is. Butterbrezeln omo. I drove two offline grand prixs in mario kart without realizing I had the steering assist enabled. Got 3 stars on both, now I feel like a dirty cheater. Wish I could erase this save.
318Did nothing all day and feel like shit. Help.
319I miss my life. One might say that I'm right now living the same way I do at home but that's just not true. I might spend most of my time inside but it's not the same.
320Cont. 9
321
322What makes my life worth living is my hobbies and the people I talk to. I can't do any of that here. The environment makes a big difference too. I need my comfy room back. I miss my village with that one convenience store that closes at 7 pm. I miss riding my bike there and leaving it outside without even putting a lock on it while I top up on snacks and beer for the evening. I miss going outside whenever I please wighout having to worry about my safety. I miss the bakery. I miss my room, my pc, my albums, my bed with the two blankets (i use one as a back rest when I'm sitting up. Roll it around an unused pillow and you're good to go). I miss having control about what I want to watch and do. I miss hanging out on the chan all day. I miss talking to people over discord. I miss having at least one like minded individual in my life. I miss the internet. I miss listening to music in the evening. I miss not having breakfast and inhaling a bag of chips for dinner. I miss drinking tap water. I miss not having to worry about my belongings. I miss being an irresponsible drunk on friday nights (and all week around). I miss having pizza on sunday. I miss meeting friends spontaneously. I miss my hyewon pilow. I miss making greasy egg and bacon sandwhiches. I miss you! 
323
324We'll make it, both of us. A week is nothing, I've already lived through the hardest part. The first days were the worst. Too much change too quickly, the days went by in slow motion. Now that I'm "used to" being somewhere else, time flies. I have worked out a routine I stick to and it makes days go by in the blink of an eye. I know you're going through a lot now too. I'm very sure you'll make it through this too. This drags on longer than I thought it would. A week at home goes by so fast. Sometimes days go by without me noticing. Everything becomes a blur and it doesn't matter which day or month it is. I don't have the time to do everything I want to in one day, I say to myself I'm gonna do it tomorrow and boom, I forgot about it for a week. Now that I'm counting days and checking time because that's everything I can do, a week stretches like chewing gum. 
325
326TV signal is still not back, I'm stuck watching reruns and powerpuff girls. My stomach is getting better. 
327Almost fell asleep before dinner, luckily I set an alarm. Another few forced conversations later and she suggested coming back here in february but staying in a different hotel. I was VERY quick to decline and declare that I'm not going anywhere I'm not interested in anytime soon and will never aet foot into a resort every again. Not going through this shit again. This ain't it, chief. Not gonna leave my room if it isn't for a vacay with friends or to japan/korea (not with her, ofc). I won't ever go on a vacation together with her even if it's just 5 min from our home. No. Thanks.
328Fuck flying for hours on end. Fuck hotels. Fuck 3rd world countries. NEVER AGAIN. I've seen enough beaches and pools and fat old people for the rest of my life. this is our 4th or 5th and last vacation together and the absolute last time I set foot into a beach resort in some crime and prostitution riddled dumpster. 
329tv signal is back. Signeul bonae, Signeul bonae. chirrit chirrit~ chirrit chirrit~
330now the song AND the "errector bonae" meme is in my head. you know, the thing about her spine ridge being deep and SEXY AS FUCK.
331>Fortnite Nerf guns
332Has science gone too far? 
3339:41 pm, sleepy. 
334
335Day 10:
336
337Yep, 10 days. It felt like an eternity but it was just one and a half weeks. Bit sad. One week to go after today, 7 days left. We'll be go e from the resort for a bit. Tomorrow we take a bus across the country for 4 and a half hours, stay at the monastery there for two nights and head back sunday in the late morning. We'll be back sunday afternoon. Good thing is we'll dodge the loud locals that come here on the weekend by a few hours. When we come back, there'll be only 4 days left. I promised my mother that we're at least gonna go snorkling once and maybe go to a second place, meaning there'll be only 2 days of doing nothing. Thursday, the day before departure, is a chill day. So might be monday, the day after we come back to the hotel from our two day trip. 
338Today there's another scheduled 2 hour long fumigation. Guess they're always having them on thursdays. This plays right in my hands though, i'lll let them clean my room today and then put the do not disturb thingy on my door handle, that way they won't enter my room for the next two days. I plan on leaving some valuables here because I don't know how save our room at the monastery will be. My big suitcase which will stay here has a number lock and they don't enter your room when you put that do not disturb shield up. I'll put my best effort into hiding documents, money and my switch between and inside of my laundry. Hope I and my suitcase don't fall victim to CRIMINALS. We'll use the time they take to fumigate to get our bus tickets and look around for any place that offers snorkeling tours. If they're always doing it thursdays, I'll experience one more. I'll be laying at the beach, reading the last few chapters of my book before lunch and start packing after. I didn't take much out of it, in fact I could probably be done packing in 5 minutes. Still, I want to make sure everything is in place. I rummaged through my laundry many times, it's a mess in that suitcase. I'll prepare one outfit for the next day. It's gonna be the long sweatpants and whatever tee I haven't worn yet. It's supposed to be comfortable, I'm gonna have to sit and walk around for a long period of time. We're not splitting the ride home in two parts like we did with the departure. It's gonna be 9 hours of plane riding, 6 hours of train riding and a whole lot of waiting at train stations and most importantly the airport. Check out is at 1 pm, our flight goes at 7:50 pm. Yeeeeeehaw. That's 7 hours of waiting and going through airport security and more waiting. I'd say our ride back takes almost a full 24 hours, depending on how well everything works together. Hope I can catch at least 4 hours of sleep in that plane.You just know that if a single train has any problems, we'll have to wait even longer. I don't care how long it takes us to get home, I just really want to talk to you again. I want to BE and FEEL at home. 
33906:31 am. Sucky time, beginning of a day is the worst. Never thought I'll say that. I usually love the morning. They're quiet and catching up on threads and Twitter when your eyes are still half closed is the best. Miss my morning routine. Turning tv and speakers on, turn pc and two other monitors on, fill some tap water into a bottle, come back, unlock the pc, open all the tabs I need, send some morning messages on discord, check mails, etc. Mornings don't feel the same if I can't do that. The start to a day is the most important. If the beginning sucks, everything that comes after will feel less good too.
340Nervous because we actually have to do something today. 
341The bar here just introduced me to the bane of my existence: shape of you reggaeton version. 
342I'm on pagr 163 of my book. Some guy on the beach asked me what I was reading and I totally forgot how to english spontaneously. Just as I was about to order a cocktail at the bar I remembered the "no hard alcohol pledge" I made.  I just stared at the bartista for a solid 5 seconds before blurting out "o-one sprite prease". Yeah, I mixed up L and R. I blame it on being overexposed to korean engrish. 
343Looks like we might not leave to the monastery after all. More news after lunch. 
344>reverse mortgage plan
345Uhh?! You know, if your opening sentence is "this is not a scam" I don't feel like believing in you. 
346Fumigatiom gas lingered for way more than an hour after their set deadline of 12 am. Let them "clean" my room, floors are still dirty and there's hairs on the bed, some that don't look like mine. I don't think they ever change the sheets. Yikey. 
347
348Cont. 10
349
350This is the third or forth time in 10 days this has happened. Same stained green decoration sheets. 
351One of the housekeepers forgot their master key in my room. Option A: invade other people's rooms and cause mischief. Option B: deliver it to the front desk immediately like a good person. I went with option B. Heard they log every access, didn't want to risk getting into trouble. 
352Old ncis episodes with Michael Weatherly and Sasha Alexander are airing, what a blessing.
35314:40, chill time. I'll add listening to the whole twice discog in one go to my "going back home" bucket list. I really hope there'll still be vip cards for the dreamcatcher concert left by the 15th of september. There was this fat white girl at the buffet today and I almost came. She was the rare, hot kind of fat woman. Her face was pretty too. About my age amd with a book in hand. 11th day of nofap btw. Don't know if I fapped the day before leaving.
354How much do you think did migos get payed for that mountain dew commercial gig? Urge to make webms and funny streamables increasing.
355Isn't walgreens a supermarket or something? Why are they offering flu shots? Good campaign though, it's free and you don't have to go to a doc. Hate doing that, getting a shot before shopping seems more convenient and you can distract yourself afterwards. Signal keeps cutting out for no apparent reason.
356Is olive garden any good? Only ever heard bad things about that place, except maybe that their breadsticks are nice. Their commercials make the food look good. They specialize on "italian" food, right? This must be the 15th time I've seen this botox commercial.
357>it's not delivery, it's digiorno.
358whack but easy to memorize. I like it.
359Power outtages and signal errors. It stabilized now but sound cuts out sometimes. USA is showing those three Madea movies back to back, first one was quite entertaining. I heard the pool will be filled on monday, lets see if the rumors are true. I'd actually love that. That one is huge and has goals, a net and two baskets installed. Regular season starts today, right? Packers vs Bears. I might be able to watch, I think it's airing on one of the channels I receive. 
360Wish these cheap bastards would stop drowning everything in sauce. Always got like 6 sauces running all into each other whenever I try to mke a decent meal. Feels like I'm eating soup 3 times a day goddamn. The chorus of "Tear" has been stuck in my head for days now. Your my tear you my you my tear eyyyeah. My mind is blank. No tfw no gf feels today. No idol dreams. Nothing I could tell you about comes to mind. Truly an uninteresting day. My fresh underwear dropped on this absolutely vile floor. Going straight into the dirty laundry bag. 
36122:19, bored. 
362
363Day 11:
364
365First time sleeping through (if waking up at 5:50 can be considered sleeping through). 
3666 days left. That's less than a week. We're doing it, bella. I can't wait to go home. 
367Fell asleep again, it's now 07:42. Forgot what I said about sleeping through. idk where it's coming from but there's really fucking loud music  playing. So many people running around, it sounds like the whole hotel is up. 
368Nicki Minaj is retiring, wtf. Let's see how long this retirement lasts. I don't think she's gonna be gone forever, she's too popular for that. 
369My mother met some fat german guy qnd he gave us lots of informations. We walked around the streets next to the hotel and we were introduced to a small convenience store and a "beach" were snorkeling is possible. It's more of a stony construction site than a beach. I think that's were all the noise is coming from, it's right next to our hotel's beach. You'd think we have it bad but the hotel right next to ours is a ghost town. Nobody there. Not a single person but the guy at the front door and two construction workers. The path around the hotel is dirty as fuck and their beach has literal tractors and trucks and cranes and all that shit on it. It was in that magazine the travel agency gave us and we almost ended up there. Damn. Seems like we got the best in this run down area. The reason they sealed one of the entrances off is because they don't want any of the people that live here make their way in. Ghetto doesn't even cut it, at the bar down the street they just casually sells drugs, prostitution and crime everywhere. That fa/tg/uy told us that his friends got robbed at the public beach. Guys came straight outta the woods with masks and machetes. that happened like 10 minutes away from here. TV connection error, if this doesn't get fixed asap I'll have to spend some time at the beach instead. I'm a terrible person. I prefer not to take risks and would rather not do anything at all instead of trying new things that might not work out. I might waste my life away without ever having done anything. That's ok I guess. No worries ever. No hardships. 
370Oh yeah, I've been bombarded with suggestions and questions about meeting girls by both the guy and my mom. Hey, you should really go to that place, there's looots of hot girls there. I heard those canadian chicks over there are searching for "friends". Oh, this place would surely suit your taste, it's a girls magnet. I just agree and laugh it off by now. Can't be assed to explain. It's not like I don't into girls, I just don't care about them so much I feel the need to hop from place to place just to get a glimpse at some. I can't talk to them anyway. I don't feel like working my ass off for nothing. Interaction is stressful. Just realized that the connection problems are probably because of the storm near the east coast. It might mess with the transmission, idk. Maybe tech here is just shit. Most stuff here looks like it's from last century. You should've seen the airport from above. Everything rusty and the landing platform was busted and in the middle of a forrest.
371>Diane is back
372Good lawd, i hope it's not just a guest appearance. I love her.
373Btw, there was no fucking choc sauce today AGAIN. All the good tea was gone too. That fat guy sat down at our table, I was forced to listen to him talk forever. All in all the breakfast was terrible. All I want is for everyone to leave me alone (that flip dinero song is addictive).
374Diane mommyyyyyyyyy! Breastfeed me!
375She looks a bit older now. Blomde hair. I love my waegukmommyfu so much. Someone get me out of here or I'll start stanning. 
376My mom sad that some female staff said that I have a nice perfume. Am I in? I hope it wasn't the 50 year old barista. Apparently there's another woman who talked to my mom and she has a daughter my age. I'm wearing a cheetah print short sleeve button up shirt today, I look and smell my best. My haircut is still fresh. mfw tfw no diane mommygf feels hitting me hard rn.
37714:39, siesta time. It's the weeknd, locals are pouring in. They have lots of kids, the buffet restaurant was a mess. If I followed sports more actively, I'd consider playing fantasy league or make sports bets. IIRC you started playing fantasy league recently, right? I guess it's for handegg or baseball. I don't really know how it works, people in my school only ever made bets on end results. Quite a few of them lost a substantial amount of money. Remember one of them having lost 300€ before making like 2 € profit. If there's real money involved, always play smart and be cautious. Keep track of how much you spent. Betting is addictive. Don't sell all your stuff to move to las vegas, lol. Funny loona meme withdrawal.
378>new SVU episodes without meloni moroni and diane
379Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
380Why do all the female dentists starring in commercials have annoying voices? First pronamel and now sensodyne. Is this an ongoing meme? I need to watch shows and fancams. SHOW ME KPOP performances NOOOOOW!!! Watching shows with you was very nice. It gets a little lonely just watching the stream all on your own. Even posting about it on mu doesn't compare. There's lots of groups performing I didn't know of, finding out about them is nice.
381Cont. 11
382
383Just realized I might've missed the entirety of everglow's adios, red velvet's umpah umpah and oh hayoung's promotion cycle. End my life. Gonna add catching up on all their cams, shows, pics and social media posts to my bucket list. Gotta cop all those new albums AND the new nfl sideline caps when I get back ASAP. Did any surprise comrbacks happen while I was away? I hope you're at least skimming through this, it'd be a shame if I typed all this up just for myself. It lowkey feels more like a case study about some adhd having madman instead of a travel log, doesn't it? I just vomit out whatever thought crosses my head. Helps me cope with being cut off from everything and everyone and being left without a single outlet for my frustration and despair. I'd totally understand if you didn't, though. It's just pages of endless random rambling and crying aboout not being at home. Having a strangely strong urge to jam to gaypop.
3844pm, thinking about the festival I'm gonna attend later this month. Can't wait to see Wuju and MonstaS*X in real life. Not that exited about KARD and that produce ballad nugu but maybe they'll surprise me positively. I'm giving them a chance, seeing artists right in front of you and experiencing the atmosphere is way different than watching online after all. I like ballads, if he does well I might just become a fan. Seeing wuju though.. curious how kpops look irl. Sadly, no chinks. Hyped for DaCute and HnB. Also, Yomi and exy thighs, omo. Watching Luda say nothing, omo. Yeah, we were supposed to leave for the monastery today, something happened and we didn't go. Instead, were staying here. Maybe we'll tackle snorkling on sunday. Monday is a full tour to the waterfall. We secured that spot in the tour bus just now. Just saw the trailer for the joker movie. Good thing they got rid of the suicide squad clown (heh). Could go for (way too much) beer and a cheesy kdrama right now. Every time an interesting episode is on, I gotta leave. It suuuuucks. Fuck dinner time.
38521:44, approaching end of the day. No pills today, not a single drop of alcohol. 
386Dear diary, today I saw a gay man. Cap sideways Tight, tucked white shirt, thight kaki shorts with legs that ended at the middle of his thighs, black belt. He was walking around with his female friend who was wearing a tight black dress. Glass of white wine in his hand. He wasn't holding it at the stem but had the bowl part of the glass in his upwards facing palm. The girl too but hers was filled with red wine (tried that once and it's NOT good). He hip sway mogged everyone in the whole establishment. His spine was almost forming a backwards C. Anyone I've ever seen actually. I could never be that kind of guy and I couldn't picture me being into one but I have to admit he kind of owned his look. No fucks given. 
387I'm more of the normal, low key kind of guy. I definitely stand out but in a different kind of way. Sometimes I wear flashy, funky stuff nobody else would ever get near to. Most of the time I just blend in.
388Captain America is on. Slighty bored. 
389Usually when I ask for water at the bar, they give me the standard plastic cup with lots of ice in it bs. Today was different. There was a (((human male))) barista and he handed me a bottle of water (not before throwing it into the air and giving it a 360 spin of course). Yes, a full 0,5 litres of consumable h2o. And I got a plastic bottle on top of it, which I can refill. Naisuuuu~ took long enough. 
390>"signal loss"
391How I hate this fucking blue error message.
392I wish for nothing more than to be released and to have someone take this orange identification wristband off me. There's a hole in one of my favorite short socks and there's gonna be one in the other one too. I hate it. There's also lots of sand in the nooks and crannies of my shoes.
393My favorite tea(s) aren't restocked yet. 
394They've been slacking for a while now. No chocolate sauce, barely any (good) tea, terribly repetitive food at the buffet, fruit selection could be better. Note to myself: Chamomille tea with milk and briwn sugar SLAPS. I've used up my first government issued soap bar while showering today. With a little courage and a more social personality you could probably have a lot of fun in the evening and make lots of things happen. Not my kind of thing, I prefer staying far away from this mess. Hiding someplace quiet and lonely is my forte, I'm very used to this lifestyle. because I have no friends around and because I'm 100 percent sober and there's reggaeton playing, I would be highly uncomfortable among strangers who don't even speak the same language as me. Going out with friends and just being young and retarded together with them is different from this.
395Modern family is on, finally something entertaining again. Damn, my heart almost stopped right now. I kicked my blanket, not knowing my phone is still inside it somewhere and it catapulted about 1 meter away and made that "uh oh, not good. Totally not good. That sounded unhealthy" sound when it crashed into the floor. Screen still intact, glass back (yep, I made that mistake) also not broken. Cam works. I'm relieved. I've been through a few screen cracks already, they always happen when you least expect it. Drop it once when it's still new and you get super cautious. A few big drops when the initial carefulness wears off. Back to babying the device. The glass is already strained so all it takes is one tiny drop and boom, everything shattered. I dread the day it happens again. The day my ipad breaks, my life ends. Good thing I didn't take that one with me. It's safely lying in my bed, half buried under my blanket and waiting for me to return. All I got right now is my phone without internet connection and without the ability to call or receive calls. It's basically just a digital diary right now. Maybe I should continue doing this when I get home. Writing down what I think and feel without worrying how it might be perceived is really nice. I'd prefer if somebody would read it, though. Maybe discord blogs are exactly what I'm  looking for. Watch out, I WILL be harrassing you with thousands of blogs in the future.
396"we are the men in black"
397*shows woman*
398Uhhh?!?!?
399It's 00:30 and I'm not sleepy wtf
4001:20, woke up voluntarily after dreaming my boyfriend wih suoerhuman strength who wasn't really my boyfriend but this one guy I hate irl emotionally and physically abused me and I failed to slit his throat in my final defense and probably died or something.
401I have totally watched too much law and order svu. watching a show all day that deals with murder, kidnapping, domestic violence and rape really is starting to fuck with my head.
402They were airing an episode right after modern family ended and I saw the intro of it right before turning the tv off and closing my eyes. I'm not being paranoid or irrational here. 
403I'll take a 40 second bathroom break and will try the sleeping thing again right afterwards. I'm back under the blankets, might've set a world record for speed peeing and washing hands. Sip of water and I'll be back to dream land faster than you can say DIGIORNO. (can you talk to whoever makes the dreams and ask him not to make me die in it? Don't like to admit it but I'm a bit scared). good night. This static noise is driving me crazy. If I can hear electrical currents flow, there's something wrong with the room. I wish it was just an old multi plug extension thing like we have at home. Those do the static noise too, either turning them off or pulling the plug fixes the problem. This one is coming from the wall right across me and it's starting to wear down my nerves. I should try to sleep now for real.
404End of the day.
405Cont. 12
406
407Day 12:
408
40907:54, I woke up. 
4105 days left after this one. Feeling terrible, I want out of here. Time goes by too slowly. It feels suffocating. Breakfast in less than 30 minutes.
411I got to think positive. This is the last weekend we'll be here. Every day wil be the last of its kind: last sunday, last monday, last tuesday, last wednesday, last thursday, day of departure. Its not that much time. I've been away from home for 13 days now and it's been 12 since I last talked to you. Its not that long, right? It's a little patethic that I'm freaking out like I've been to jail for 3 years. Actually, it kinda is long when you're not only away from home but also in a place you don't want to be in with no internet connection and no way to contact friends or do the things you live for. I'm not used to this, I almost never left home for more than a day on the weekends and then I still had mobile data and was surrounded by friends and I could go home whenever I please and I listened to lots of music. I'm half bored to death and half too afraid to even leave my room. But that's besides the point. I just wanted to make myself think positively. I've already been through 2/3rds of the stay. 12 days gone, 6 days to go in total before I fully return to my normal life. I appreciate the life and the things  and people who stayed with me throughout time way more. If this vacation has done anything for me, it is giving me lots of time to think. Being here made me look at my life from a different point lf view. There's lots of things I was unhappy about, now I know how bad things can really get and I'm happy. After seeing this neighborhood (and the entire country), I can really appreciate how good I have it back home. Used to think 4chan and discord were the poison holding me back, now I know that's not entirely true. I really need kpop, it's my favorite hobby. I love talking to people about it. Speaking with likeminded individuals doesn't obly entertain but helps me through life. Chatting to a select few people on discord feels like making actual friends. I love and need it. There's many more things I could write about but I gotta get ready for breakfast. Hwaiting, me!
412No. Chocolate. Sauce. 
413No. Breakfast. Tea. 
414Still feeling terrible, had to take a few deep breaths to hold back tears. 
415You know, before I opened up to you, nobody really knew what was going on in my head. I couldn't entrust anyone irl with my feelings and the teens I chatted with on the anime amino. I used to talk to this 21 year old back when I was 14 and hella active there. We got along and I sometimes vented to him but our conversations were quite short and tedious because he never talked about himself at all and he also didn't type much. Like 2 or 3 sentences max. I gave up on him after a year. After that I had nobody to talk to about how I feel until I discovered 4chan. Spamming the thread with a rant about personal problems doesn't feel right and doesn't get you  anywhere. Well, it found me someone to talk to on the same level. Idk where I would be at if I didn't take the offer to talk to you. Idk where I would be if I hadn't added you months prior. The universe works in mysterious ways. I just want to thank you for being there, you make my life better. Thank you, bella.
416Ok, enough of this.
417Watching chrisley right now, going down to the beach later.
418Snorkeling on wednesday. Means I get to chill tuesday and thursday. This weekend wont be that  busy either. Chilling is best. 
419Oh, it's a rerun episode. Bummer.
420THERE'S A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT A KOREAN RESTAURANT IN BERLIN RUNNING ON THE ONLY GERMAN CHANNEL I CAN RECEIVE.
421Oh... It was only 6 minutes long.
422the girl spoke korean for like 6 seconds and it healed my heart and soul, worth it.
423How did I not know about "summer camp island" before? It's great. Ahh, the sweaz sound of power saws and drills coming from just outside my window. Exactly what I signed up for. Oh, I wanted to go to the beach but i kinda dozed off and now it's too hot outside. Maybe in the afternoon. There's also the jacuzzi on the reef by the sea I haven't tried yet. Average intelligence, average looks, average skills, below average personality. Yeah, that's me and I'm ok with it.
424Not gonna lie, the Hong Kong protests look lit as fuck. Imagine going outside and just going ham for weeks to make sure nobody ever forgets what you stand for. Looks like some apocalyptic 2188 end of civilization fps open world game. Lit until you get fucked up by police and thrown into jail forever. Definitely worth it, fuck mainland china (gimme miggy and seaweedmommy before the country gets burned down, please). Sometimes you have to fight for your beliefs.
425> Fortnite Monopoly
426I've had enough.
427The teen titans go episode I just watched was all about (muscular) legs. I'm ashamed to say I was aroused by the girls making out with their muscular cartoon thighs and arms. Something about the league of legs. It was borderline fapbait. The little green guy who alwaya calls raven mommy obsessed about her legs. Look, I wanted to do lots of stuff today but I felt like shit from the moment the day started. I need an off day from my off days.
428Hey, came back right when teen titans go started. Aaaaand it's a rerun. Heck. 
429Lunch was surprisimgly pleasant. Shit food but I had nice every day conversations with my mom. Talked about shopping for winter clothes and what's missing in my closet. Discussed what we miss and don't miss about our daily lifes and what we plan on doing when we get back home.
430Sucks that I missed the angry birds movie. It has bren on my watch list ever since I found out some kpop (or cpop, I don't discriminate) was obsessed with it. It started out nicely, gotta watch the rest sometime. I love idols a whole lot. There's nothing I love more than them. Doesn't matter if chink, japanese, sea or korean. I sometimes lurk in the idol threads on jp as a side hustle and watch and listen to cpop every now and then. I realized that no matter where the idol is from, as long as they're cute and there's content, I'm gonna be into them head over heels. Cute can mean a lot of things in this context. They don't need to be aegyo cute for me to like them. If they're cool, that's fine to. They just need to be likable and tick a box or two. 
431Watching tv turned me into a normalfag. I get to know popular tv personalities, actors, news and commercials/brands. Finally got to watch all those cartoons like gumball, teen titans and powerpuff girls that people always talk about. Boosted my "able to relate to other modern day humans and the things they talk about" score by at least 12. 
43216:50, POWER SAW AND HAMMER NOISES!!!!!
433Ugh, I really need to go outside, they're showing winter soldier again. If that dc superhero girls show had been around back when I was a kid, I'd be crushing on the girls hard. Prettiest cartoon girls around (minus the bee chick). Back then it would've probably been superman...girl or the batgirl, now it's wondermommy. She's pretty (for a cartoon girl). Nofap is not healthy.
434I don't need adventures, I'll just explore the world from the safety of my home. Do you think 4 walls is still availiable online somewhere? I feel like I need that in my "collection".
435Lmao, there's this one AR lense on my phone that makes you look like you're wearing one of those chinese theater masks and it also plays chinese traditional singing music very loudly. Hecking chink phones, I can't even dodge it because it opens itself when I click the lense tab. Hey, I enjoy giving myself neon cat ears and whiskers, smooth and glowing skin and huge anime eyes. Thanks, technology. Never knew how looking cute feels until this day. Big pool is being filled, finally something is happening here
43621:27, I am forgotten. 
437The food here is getting gradually worse, I actually made myself a salad for dinner. Nothing worse but walking through the buffet and picking up the sorry veggies you want in your dinner.
438This has been a reoccuring theme.
439Cont. 13
440
441Only fruits for breakfast, more rice than meat for lunch, salad for dinner. Help, this is not the life I desire. Status report: 2 pills of the travel medicine make me slightly drowsy, 4 make it hard to breathe. It's not worth it and has no desirable effects. End of the Experiment.
442
443Day 13:
444
44507:24 am, 1 hour till breakfast.
4464 days to go after today. Only 4. Fucking. Days. The end is in sight. They didn't fill the pool completely, looks like this was just a test run. Ugh...
447Nothing interesting on tv. I think there's a law and order marathon starting somewhen today.
448I wish my mom woould leave me alone about girls and realtionships. Now she:s putting words in my mouth, acting like whatever she thought up was what I said a few days back. I don't know how often I already told her I not interested in meeting anyone here and that she really need to stop bothering me with that kind of stuff. It's too early for this shit.
449First time in almost 2 weeks they actually changed the sheets. Floor was hardly sweeped at all but it smells a little cleaner in here. Probably the laundry detergent
450Good news: THEY RESTOCKED ON CHOCOLATE SAUCE AND BREAKFAST TEA YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW.
451It made everything I dipped in better. Even the chocolate filled crossaint. There can never be enough chocolate on baked goods. Hate cream, hate cheese, hate sausage, hate veggies, hate yoghurt. baked goods shall only come with chocolate from now on.
452Villains of SVU marathon on. Finally some entertaining episodes. There's a hotwheels cartoon now but it suck b3cuz n0 hawt grills and the characters look bad. Seems to be quite high budget, the animation and cgi are pretty good. Not sure why the characters are some kind of racing super heroes fighting bad guys. Cheap plot idea. 
453Chicago PD x SVU crossover episode, interesting. Wish Meloni and Diane were still on board. They issued me another bar of soap and a tube of shampoo, I'm impressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing still while the whole world moves on. I still do and think about the same things I did years ago and my  and I somehow feel like I didn't mature. Especially the social part is lacking and still the same as 10 years ago. Feels bad man. When does "growing up" happen, I think I missed the occassion. Anyway, lunch in 45 minutes 
454lil pump "off white" stuck in my head. 
455I think my lower row of front teeth shifted a little bit, starting from the right canine. All those years of wearing braces...
456Have you ever fapped to gaypop? I have faped to everything kpop related. Fancams, pics, asmr, eating sounds, songs (because of the d-1 fapping meme, don't ask) and probably a few other things I forgot but never to gaypop. I'm just not really attracted to any of them. No thighs, no tummy, no tits, no cheeks. Gaypop is nice to listen to but everything else about it is boring. Not willing to sift through all that just for the occassional sexy moment (cough, wonho ass, cough).
457Thinking about Seolhyun. I like her face, she looks nice. Sexy and nice. Nothing lewd on my mind right now, just fantasies about a wholesome relationship with her. I can't forget about Sihyeon. I don't even know what got me so into her, it's been a while since I felt that strongly about an idol. I always liked seeing her posted but I never really payed attention to her. Really need to stan and save pics. Maybe seeing her on everglow land triggered something. I miss Yuna too, her smile and positive energy gives me life. Best Maknae around. I love her so much. It hurts to be so far apart from her (well, further apart than usually). They were still promoting icy when I left, there has to be quite a lot of new content. I'm not sure if I watched their LieV, I think I did.
458Gonna get REAAAALLY drunk and watch some new vlives as soon as I settled in at home.
459Discovered a really cool art gallery. Lots of statues and paintings. All kinds of themes, from agyptians and tribal symbolism to modern day depictions of the region, religion, history, biblical stuff and conspiracies. It was completely empty and a little eerie. P cool. 
460There was one room we didn't go into because there was thousands of wasps on the walls. I ran away from a roach I thought was dead (it wasn't). We also saw a green gecko and a few big, cool birds. didn't have my cam with me. 
461Oof, pats with the 0-20 lead on the Steelers. 
462What's that bag you put your toothbrush and other bathroom utensils in called? I used to have yellow one with cute owls on it. It was really soft too, i miss it. This is the first time I travel with a different one. I hope it's still somewhere because I liked it very much and I bet I'd feel better just by having it with me. The one I got right now is black with a little bit of red, very depressing.
463Tomorrow is a day trip from 8 am to 5/6 pm, there won't be nearly as much blogging. Just a good morning and an eveningly recap. Am I weird for still pretending I'm talking to somebody? You're still reading, right...? RIGHT??? Just remembered Sihyeon's face and I actually smiled irl. Not sure when this last happened. Oh god, I might really be in love with her. Can't forget about her jet black hair and cute front teeth. Man, I really gotta fix my sitting posture, I should be having back pain at this age.
4643-30 for pats, steelers are getting stomped.
465>Antonio Brown is now on the Pats
466lmao, what happened. rip raiders.
4673-33, wew lad. There's a pesky mosquito in my room. I don't know how it got in but I don't like it and I'll make sure it'll meet its end. I cannot locate it, fuck this I'm going full mummyfication mode. Sleeping Gahyeon with the multi power socket and the heating blanket. East asians on stripper poles. (there has to be an AV of that)
46800:20, the mosquito is still alive and hostile.
46901:55, that bastard really got a few cheap shots on me. Arms and face while I was sleeping.
470
471Day 14:
472
47306:44, I woke up 5 minutes before the alarm. No better feeling than to turn off the alarm before it can annoy you awake. Got like 25 minutes before  breakfast. The mosquito bit me at least once more. Pesky thing waited for the right moment to invade my room, I just gave the mosquito spray back to my mom that exact evening.
47414 days of this already, wow. Two weeks are more time than I thought. I'm positive it felt this long because I didn't enjoy it for the most part and didn't have internet access. All I had was myself, the tv and a very unfamiliar and uncomfortable environment. Day trip today, less blogs than usual. I'm leaving the phone in my suitcase. In fact, I never took it outside with me in those 14 days. Half because it's useless without mobile data, wifi or headphones, half because i don't want it to get stolen, half because I don't want outside germs touching it.
475Hey, after today I just gotta power through 3 more days. Look how far I've come. It feels like it was yesterday when I was still counting down until we reach single digit numbers for the days left. I'm holding up just fine. Felt a little down on saturday but It wasn't even remotely close to what I've felt in the early days of this trip. I gotta get ready now, see you soon. It won't be long until we can talk for real. I hope you're surviving this well too. I know it must be hard for you too.
476..what if it isn't? What if nobody needs me and I've been replaced by the time I get back? What if everyone has just waited for this moment to delete me from discord? Oh no, I shouldn't be thinking these things, it's not good for me. I trust you and I thoroughly believe that at least you are still my friend and waiting for me patiently. I wouldn't ever feel the same if you weren't. Please still be there, bella. It was just like.. 20 days. I know you're there. I'm gonna read through all your messages first thing when I get home. I won't even wait until my pc has started up, I'll grab my tablet and read right through everything. When I'm done, I'll go online. 
477Quick breakfast summary: it was packed as fuck, lines everywhere. We had to rush it.
478Cont. 14
479
480Choco sauce yes, breakfast tea no.
481Waves are really strong today, couldn't even bathe if I wanted to. 
482Alright, gotta bounce. This will be a 12 hour time skip for you. Hope it's not a dissapointment
48317:33, we back. Tour was LIT. As to the environment: shit's dry, pendejo. Dry and dirty, especially in the poorer parts of the city and the rural mountain area. Lots of plastic, looks like the recycling system could use some work. Many uncompleted buildings. The rural mountains lowkey looked like a desert, they said it hasn't rained hard in 2 years. Just a few drops and it's over. We drove over so many bridges with absolutely no water beneath them. Some of them new amd in the middle of nowhere. All the big birds migrated because there's no food left for them. Most of the trees were highkey dying. I really don't like all the dogs walking around freely here. Discovered that I have a construction site and truck fetish. Everything that drives around here is either a motocycle, a japanese whip (toyota and honda, some imported straight from japan complete with japanese number plates) or a MACK TRUCK HELL YEAH BROTHER. Big boy freightliners. I love the looks of them and the sound of the horns. I took lots of pics of construction sites and roads. Big contrasts between the escobar mansions in gated communities and the rusty metal houses and colorful small homes with the gates all around them. Their life is way more focussed on the outside than ours. Chairs and tables in the front yard or the side of the road. Sitting in front of stores, working in an open environment etc. I'm not sure If I could survive here. 
484We rode on an open fuso setra jeep truck. The ride back was hell, felt like I was breathing in more dust and exhaust fumes than any human ever should. I had a glass of cuba libre and a tiny cup of rum mixture, forgive me for breaking my no hard alcohol pledge. Maybe I should change it to a "don't get passout drunk" pledge. Stopped at a small cigar "factory" which was barely more than a hut and a medium sized plot of land somewhere in the jungle. We got to smoke one for free, it was pretty cool. They're way more mild than cigarettes but I wasn't really feeling dropping at least 45 dorrar for a small chest of them. Before we reached the main attraction, the waterfall(s), we stopped at a spot where they were making stuff out of stone and I got a cross pendant. I think that's what you call the thing you put on a necklace. Waterfalls were crazy, we walked straight through the jungle only in shoes, safety swimming vests and swimming gear. Then we jumped from a 3 to 4 meter high bridge into the water and swam and slid down the cascade.
485This is absolutely not chronologically correct but whatever. It was cool and the time went by very fast. I liked the colorful houses and small stores by the side of the road. Lots of car/motorcycle part stores in the city next to ours. 
486I'm sorting through my dirty laundry right now. I WAS sorting through my dirty laundry until I found my phone and now I've been typing for 30 minutes. 18:02 now
487Need to tidy up my suitcase so I can actually find the things I'm looking for.
4883 days to go, I'm down to my last few clean shirts. 2 hours to dinner. The pool hasn't been filled completely and it still has all that yellow tape around it. Need to take a shower too afterwards, gotta get back to working.
48918:57, done sorting. Shower tyme.
490Oh yeah, I forgot to write about the really cool yellow and black american thomas built buses
491I realized I really need to cop wuju's whole discog. Their grind from the very bottom up to the upper mid tier deserves to be honored. They dropped a lot of gems along the way.
492Dinner today was GREAAAT!! Fries and Fried chicken with the crispy dough stuff around it. I wouldn't have minded a few condiments though. No ketchup no sauce for the chicken no nothing.
493We out here eating salted fries and dry chicken.
494I just saw that rey mysterio match on raw and it was kinda hype, ngl. The restaurant was really empty. I think lots of people flew back home today. I DROPPED MY PHONE AGAIN, WTF. It's time I get home, I really don't dig the architecture and spacing here. I don't think my gum should be hurting and I definitely know it shouldn't make my teeth hurt too. God I hate dentists. I'm not going.
495Still remember the two travelling advice guys I told you about? One of them got kicked out by his female room mate. Lots of screaming amd words alog the lines of "I don't ever want to see you again" could be heard. Then afterwards we saw him standing in the hallway talking to some guard. I always thought had that feel he was weird. Didn't surprise my mom either. This happened before dinner btw.
496
497Day 15:
498
499Thinking about what to wear to the festival. It's gonna be sweater weather at the end of september. I originally thought about going there at 2 pm but they have a really dumb numbering system tgat starts the day before. It forces me to be there in tge morning. I hope the stuff they show in the festival area is exiting enough to keep me interested for 6 hours. The concert is gonna be the highlight (of my life).
500I should go clothes shopping before the event. 
501
502Back to blogging about my life here.
50306:17, today's gonna be a chill one.
50415th day here means there will only be two full days left after today. We'll spend the morning tomorrow snorkeling and maybe we'll go back to the art exhibition on thursday. That's it, no more big plans and no more week long wait. Feels great man. How are you holding up? Just 3 and a half more days until we meet again. Can't wait.
505Pissed off right now. What good is staying in a beach resort if they CLOSE THE BEACH FOR THE 2ND, ALMOST 3RD DAY IN A ROW. THE POOL ISN'T OPEN YET EITHER. THEY DON'T EVEN ALLOW YOU ON THE BEACH. NO SITTING THERE, NO WALKING, NO CHILLING. I WANTED TO READ THERE BUT NOO, MUH WAVES 2 STRONK YOU CAN'T ONTO BEACH. Snorkeling boat hasn't been driving for days either, not sure if we'll even be able to do that tomorrow. 
506Oh great, more power saw noise. 
507The shoes I was wearing yesterday developed a terrible stench after drying. I spent the last hour rubbing a bar of soap over them and drenching them in hot water. I don't have a bath tub or a sink which can be flooded, have to do it all with the shower head. Those are the only real shoes have with me, I can't have them smell like some zoo cage. 
508I'd PIPE that nessa girl from talk stoop. Not sure where she's from but she's quite tanned. Pink lipstick, heavy eyeshadow/eyeliner, really tight pony tail. I'd do it to any girl tbh, I don't have any standards anymore. Blasting, sex, whatever it is. 16 days of nofap. 
509Did any groups disband while I was gone? I hope not, I couldn't ever get over that. Maybe a fresh debut? If anyone did debut it was probably some turbonugus. I can't add yet another rookie group to my pick up list, I'm maxed out right now. I'm working hard on picking up fanatics, nature, rocket punch and everglow. 2 fresh debuts and 2 groups that have been around for a while. Can't handle more than that. The thing with everglow is that I'm not quite sure who of them I'll waifu. Sihyeon is climbing up the ranks. I don't even know who's in Nature besides Saebom, Aurora and the chick I got the duplicate photocards of.
510I don't really know anything about the fanatics and rocket punch members yet, they only debuted a few weeks ago. Lack of content right after debut makes picking up a group a long ordeal. Can't be sure about the members until they've been through a second or even third comeback. Some of them might need to work through some camera shyness or other insecurities before they can truly show what they're like. You can never be sure of the group's identity right after debut, especially if they're nugu. Big companies have a thought out plans and concepts for their groups. With nugus it's more difficult, they don't have a secured future and sometimes have to switch it up to secure their livelyhood.
511Power outtage.
512Cont. 15
513
514Hot dogs and fries for lunch, even found the ketchup this time. I'm not experienced in the ways of the 'dog so I just put on some yellow mustard and ketchup then called it quits. I wish they had roasted onions or something like that. Do you put salad or anything like that on a hotdog?
515Thinking about Suyun in that black adidas dress. Man, she's just too pretty for this world. Her smile is genuinely uplifting.
516I haven't even opened my rocket punch album yet, it's still sitting in that damn (opened) zip loc bag on my shelf. Same with the city lights album. Only opened the fanatics and nature albums. Can't wait to get home and order adios, oh hayoung's album and maybe the red velvet one if it's good. The female cop in svu is called Olivia (yes, I feel sad whenever I hear her name and there's no cute wolf on screen).
517There's this one line that constantly comes up in my head when I hear that name. "Straight from Bolivia". It kept repeating in my head but I forgot where it's from, until now. I thought I made it up because of that olivia colombia meme, a certain other kpg meme related to bolivia and the obvious connection. I finally remembered more of the line and it made me realize the line is from an oldschool hiphop song. Sadly, I can't find out where it's from right now but I'll put it on my very lengthy to do list. "... Cocaine straight from bolivia", it's the end of a long rhyme. The funny thing is that it always repeats in a voice that definitely isn't mine so I should've known. It's the voice of the rapper and it sounds exactly like it does in the song. I can recall part of the instrumental now. Man this sucks, I wanna listen to that song right now and I wouldn't mind having a look at Hyejoo either. Gotta change my pc wallpaper(s) when I get back. I love those uh-oh photoshoot minnies but I need some fresh wind in my life. The Limu Emu & Doug commercials are my favourite. We went by a store yesterday and a bag of cheetos or lays was 7 dollars too. It's ridiculous. 20 days of nosnack, nofap, nodrinktillyoudrop, nokpop, nointernet, nomusic, no4chan, noporn. I need to see a dick, I think I'm turning straight. LEE NAKYUNG!!! I HATE THAT I STILL LOVE YOU!! WHEN YOU SMILE, I'M ALSO HAPPY!!!!!! 
518Power outtage.
519Outtage number 2 roughly 20 minutes after the first one. Signal loss. Now we downgraded from complete signal loss to partial signal loss, great.
520The Undertaker is on Smackdown Live tonight.
521I remember hearing that name 10 years ago. I wonder how old he is now. Rey Mysterio was on just yesterday. I had that one wrestling obsessed (((((((friend)))))))) back in the day and he always spoke about him. They're airing newer modern family episodes and wow, the cast got older. The colombian mommy is even hotter now and the two daughters grew some decent kn*ckers. The nerdy daughter is looking like a snack. 
522Dinner was either a catastrophy or an epic win depending on how you look it.
523Rainy weather, lots of lightning, cool sea breeze. I was sitting alone for most of the time because my mom got the dinner time wrong (we haven't changed the time we meet for dinner in 10 days) and didn't even recognize me after walking through the restaurant twice. It was half empty, I was sitting on an empty table in the place we've sat in for every single meal of the last few days.
524I had some tea as it poured down and watched the waves break against the reef's rocky remains.
525This is as comfy as it could get in a very unpersonal 3/4th empty resort. every single person flew away on monday, I swear. It's been very empty here for the past 24 hours.
526Women's wrestling is the closest thing to sex I get to see here. Tummy revealing outfits, toned bodies and girls beating and grappling each other? Hell yeah!
527ISAC should take notes. Stop making the girls wear 3xl tshirts and loose track pants. Ahem, fuck NERDY for fucking up the isac outfits anyway. I'll never forgive them. Give us back the leggings, you schmucks.
528Look man, I'm bored as fuck.
529I've got nothing to do. Literally.
530My mom offered to cop some rum, I might be drinking for free on my first day home. One bottle for "us" at home and one bottle for my "friends" as a gift. She doesn't drink liquor at all, barely drinks a full glass of red wine in the evening. I'm gonna pour us one shot each and she's instantly gonna tell me to have the rest for myself. I have had some bad experiences with (((((rum))))), if you can even consider havana club 3 anos that. Haven't touched rum since. Tbh, the cheapest havana club and barcadi shouldn't even be considered rum. It shouldn't even be considered safe for consuming. Having trouble deciding on the absolute worst spirit I've ever tried. Leaving out the cheapest of vodkas who were actually physically harmful to drink, jim beam, old no. 7 and havana club 3 anos have to be on the lowest end. Talking about drinking straight without cooling, ice or mixing. Old no. 7 and Fürst Uranov Vodka were the only bottles I've ever quit on less than half way through and that was when I was at my lowest. One tastes like paint thinner, the other one tasted like poisonous hand sanitizer. The morning after the Uranov was the worst ever. I swear that shit had (more) poison in it than any other bottle on the planet. Headache, muscle weakness, (((digestive problems))) , nausea, vomiting, feeling dead.
531I might still cop a rare bottle of something else at the duty free at home. Not sure if I want to sip on rum with no other option to go to. I don't even know if it's gonna fuck me up badly next morning. I'm lowkey feeling scotch or connemara even if it's gonna give me that terrible lingering taste in my mouth if I have too much. That's the great thing about (good) vodka. You can make it taste like whatever you wamt or just drink it like that (food recommended). You can't get sick of it because it literally tastes like nothing. Just that little warm feeling at the back of your throat and the taste of whatever water they used. Pour in whatever juice, soda or other shit you want it to taste like and you're good to go. I realized I'm pretty boring when it comes to spirits. There's lots of regional specialities but I stick to the known ones. Whisky, Gin, Vodka, Rum, Cognac. Had Korn once, maybe a few other random liqours I don't remember. I don't really fuck with Cognac, it gets too expensive too fast if you want a decent one. It has that weird taste that makes you not want to drink it anymore. You expect more layers of flavor but it doesn't deliver. Hennessy is nice for flexing tho. Whisky is nice for sipping once in a while. Price range too high and the taste too unique for regular everyday drinking. I like the wide variety of flavours it comes in. Irish whisky is pretty boring most of the time, smokey is where it's at. Laphroaig, Connemara (I know it's Irish). Vodka is just vodka, trying new ones isn't really all that exiting. It's either gonna taste like shit (bad) or like nothing (good). Sometimes it tastes like raw alcohol (absolut). I actually took a liking to absolut, it's harsh but not terrible. Doesn't give me bad hangovers either. You can certainly taste it no matter what you mix it with which might not be everyone's thing. Can't recommend drinking it straight but it's not impossible. Most gin is meh. A good gin tonic can really hit the spot in summer. Rum is only ok mixed with coke, which makes me not want to spend money on it because everything tastes good with coke. Why get a decent rum if you vould just mix vodka with coke and get the same enjoyment from it for half the price.
532Enough alcohol talk.
53322:34, I'm feeling sick.
534
535Day 16:
536
537Second to last full day. One (1) more after this. I didn't think I'd ever make it this far. I can't believe we're flying home in 2 days. Soon, very soon we'll sit on that plane home. 10 to 8pm on friday. 
538
539Cont. 16
540
541I'm proud of myself for making it so far. I'm really exited to get home again. I'll be able to talk to you again on Saturday,. So close and yet so far, I want time to pass more quickly.
542Pool still closed because the "shower next to it isn't working. Beach closed too. Wooo! Not sure if the Smorkeling is happening, we're about to have a seat next to the beach and wait there. Leaving my room in 3 minutes.
543Snorkeling was GREAT! Lots of colorful fish amd they were just centimeters away from my face and all around me. We even got to feed them directly once. As always, mom was complaining and panicing throughout the whole thing but I just tuned it out and enjoyed the scenery. The reef was p dead and there were a lot of sea urchins but the rest of the water was filled with fish. Best snorkeling trip I ever went on. Two cute latinas and some guy that was totally afraid of water went on the trip together with us. You know what, latinas and black girls are A OK in my book now. 10/10, would waifu. One guy drove the boat and the 2nd staff member was the tour guide. His name was raul which reminded me of that doc song. tried out that jacuzzi by the sea after we got back after having the cocktail of the day, a mojito. As soon as I saw that "cocktail of the day" sign I just had to try it. If only the bar had played mojito by red velvet. I f*cking love wendy. There, I said it. arrest me, dumb antis. Wanners is best girl and an aspiring mommy. Wendy>Reeny/Slug>Joy>dirt>Yeri. Cocktails are nice but I'd never go through all that trouble just to have a drink. Too many ingredients, too much work. Anyway, best day of this vacation! Big pool is open now but they got rid of the baskets and goals, now it's just one huge, empty swimming area. Beach is opened too. Chilling in my room right now, 30 minutes till lunch.
544Hamburgers and fries! I put salad, onions, tomato amd some ketchup on mine.
545My mom is an expert in asking "are you ok?" so often until you don't feel ok anymore. I counted 9 times. Complete silenence in between. "are you ok?" "I know you're not ok" "are you sure you're ok" "I can clearly see you aren't ok" "usually you can see it in people's faces it they're ok or not" "something is up" etc etc. I told her I'm happier than I ever was in the previous 15 days and that I'm perfectly fine (which is the truth, I really enjoyed the food, the music and the sea) but she wouldn't believe me even after the 9th time I answered her stupid questions. She thinks she's some scholar in all things communication because she did some dumb diploma about that once. If yoi ask me, It was just a group of pretentious single moms working through a mid live crisis, trying to satisfy their sociopathic control freak urges. She's shit at communicating anything. Maybe she should've done an extra course on how to communicate to expressionless kids who don't like to do small talk. I bet I would've turned out better that way. My sad face looks the same as my laid back chilling face and apparent ever single other face I make. Small talk is dumb if you haven't been apart for a while. We're literally doing the same things at the same time in the same place for now more than 2 weeks, what's there to small talk about. I enjoy silence. Just sitting there and if there's nothing to tall about you JUST don't talk to each other. How hard can it be. I predict that she'll knock at my door in an hour asking yet again if I'm feeling ok. It's not even concern at this point, she just wants me to do whatever she thinks people need to do to be happy. I went on this rant before, I won't repeat it for your sake.
546One family put baby shark on max volume for their kid and half the restaurant could hear it. Man, the english version sucks, the korean version is at least cute. I see sohye whenever I hear that song. Maybe I should condition myself to see yeji instead, being reminded of IOI sohye hurts. I want her back. 
547There she was, knocking at my door just as I predicted. I told her if she listened to what I say sometimes, we'd have less misunderstandings and I'd feel better. I don't expect her to understand, she never does. I get an ok and all that wow yeah I totally understand won't happen again I was just concerned schtick and it's gonna happen all over again in a few hours.
548You know who I'd be happy to see rn? Wony and/or Kangchan. That gif where hyewon plays with the balloon is my absolute favorite, my personal GOAT webm. Wony is cute all around, no katter what she does. I like watching her talk to the camera.
549Chicago P. D. time. Law and Order is next, nice.
550Now that the pool is open, it's noisy af here.
55116:38, not quite sure what to do right now.
552I could go to the pool, there's a few people playing with a volleyball there. I'm envious. Even if I went there right now, I'd just swim around in circles awkwardly before rushing to my room 30 minutes later. I could never ask them if they'd let me join. Even if they did, it would be way too awkward. We're strangers after all. 
553No water volleyball for me (which would be boring anyway BECAUSE they don't even have a net). I wish they'd choose better music for the pool, listening to this mess is torture. Oh no, now there's some wannabe entertainer on the mic there's only like 10 people in that huge pool, chill out. Looks like he's narrating that sorry volleyball match. The players don't move, they have just one goal, no net there's no competition and most of the players are girls. I don't understand the rules of whatever they're playing. It's not even fun to watch.
554French canadian french sounds better than france's french, debate me. Oh, what's that? You can't argue against me because you literally do not know of this discussion and cannot reply to me? Too bad, tehe~
555>Israel's president wants to conquer some part of palestine
556Don't they ever get tired of this? 
557My take on nofap: it doesn't give me more energy, it didn't turn me into a chad, I didn't pursue sex or any girls at all, I still love kpop, I still feel the urge to jack off to porn, I still want to spend all my time on the internet, it didn't give me a confidence boost and it didn't help me with my mental problems. All it does is taking fun out of my life and lowering my standards to a minimum. Every piggu is now a 10/10 would fap to/would cum into. Makes looking at IRL girls more exiting but that's it. Never repeating this stunt ever again, the ruining thing was way more enjoyable. 
558Going back to fapping every day as soon as I can. I need a Diane deepfake or something like that. Leave it to my mom to turn the best day into a meh day. Now she's blaming me for being annoyed and acting like I'm the one who's in the wrong, doesn't want to talk, always lies etc after she spend the last 9 hours ruining my day OVER NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. I WAS FEELING FINE BUT SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE I WAS FEELING FINE. NEVERMIND THE WORDS LITERALLY COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH OVER AND OVER AGAIN, I CAN'T BE HAPPY IF IT'S NOT HER WAY OF BEING HAPPY. Fuck it, I give up on trying to fix this mess. There's a clear disconnect and I can try communicating clearly how I feel and what I want or not but I'll just keep getting ignored. I opened up and nothing improved. There's no worse feeling than being accused of lying when you're telling the truth, especially if it wasn't easy to come forward in the first place. This is not the first time this happened and it won't be the last one. This shit has been going on for years and I'm tired of it. No explaining, no telling about my feelings, no nothing. I'm not gonna spend any more energy on this. 
559Nobody's listening by linkin park kinda describes the situation.
560I won't rant about this anymore, it's a waste of time.
561There's this movie about the us navy fighting lizard aliens on right now, it's quite entertaining.
562It's all gonna be over soon.
563
564Day 17:
565
566Last full day, I repeat, LAST FULL DAY.
567Only one more night here and one in the plane.
568So close to going home.
569Cont. 17
570
571I'll turn up my speakers and announce my arrival to the whole neighbourhood by putting on chungha. SNAPPING SNAPPING! Chica is my second favorite song on that album.
572Being human is p cool, I like it.
57306:37, I woke up one hour ago.
57409:24, getting ready to leave my room. Fumigation day, gonna spend those 2 hours at the beach. I haven't continued reading my book for a whole week so I'll just do that. It starts at 10 am, I still have some time left.
575Damn, there's an old ncis episode on with kate in it. She was such a bae. This always happens when I gotta leave.
576Spent less time than expected at the beach. Some guy behind me tried to chat up a russian girl who didn't know english. I got annoyed by the constant beeping of the google translator app which they both didn't know how to work.
577Got myself a pina colada (it wasn't that good, they just poured some premade ice mixture and some rum together) and finished the chapter of my book in the jacuzzi. Tried the big pool afterwards, it was disappointing to the max. It's only 135 cm at its deepest, walking was more viavle than having your feet scratch against the floor while you attempt to swim.
578It was empty as fuck too. Seems like I didn't miss much when it was closed for the first two weeks. I wish it remained closed, all it does is attract the old and loud.
57913:22, getting ready for lunch.
580I dared to put some random cheese on my bzrger today and it tasted good. I'm surprised and delighted at the same time. 
58114:15, back in my room. 2 hours until we go to the liqour store. 
582The wannabe entertainer is back, end this world. 
583I was happy when thr bar was playing taki taki earlier because I at least know that song and it has an english part. Never knew I'd once be so happy to hear cardi's voice. Ngl, I'd call her mommy every day of the week. I love her low, raspy voice and her looks are nice too. 
584Power outtage came at the right time, it also turned off that guy's mic and speakers. 
585Reggaeton makes me want to un-alive. 
586Speaking about reggaeton, solo debut jimin was a fucking snack. She was thicc as fuck and the choreo was quite sexual. Too bad she lost her mind and went skeleton mode, she's in a pitiful state now. I hope she finds gets better soon, what she's doing can't be healthy. 
587> It's a Siva episode
588Best ncis girl and (2nd) most impregnatable jewess on planet earth. I've reached a state of enlightenment where I'm not constantly horny anymore, it's not very enjoyable. 18th day of nofap. 
589They're blasting eurobeat at the pool right now, finally some good music. "Temperature" by Sean Paul, now that's a throwback. Well, maybe. I don't even know when that song came out, might've been relatively recent.
590We just aquired three bottles of rum which will all be at my disposal. She said she doesn't want to drink any of it. Of course I'm not gonna freeload. Whisky is off the table, muchachos. One 12 and one 18 year old (don't tell the officers), don't know about the other one but it looks great and he cashier spoke highly of it. 2 high quality and one common bottle for 50 dollars? Not gonna say no. Gonna keep the good ones to myself, my friends can't appreciate rich and complex taste. They don't like gin, whiskey, black (?) beer like guiness, craft beer and anything that isn't sweet or vodka. I tried time and time again but I'll have to accept they can't into it. Whisky and all that other stuff was insanely expensive here, import regulations and fees must suck here. Over 40 for jack daniels old no7 and 60 for chivas regal. I can get those for 17 and 25€ back at home. Drip Drip.
591Last evening here btw, feeling great.
592Yo, these people right under my balcony are GONE. loud as fuck and sitting way too close to the closed pool. I'd be worried about one of them drowning if they weren't the most annoying people I've encountered here.
593Almost forgot about this, some car with presidential tint followed me when we we're outside. Like, deep black no chance of seeing through any of the windows. We just walked out of the liqour store and were about to turn corners when I noticed that white, new looking lexus driving right behind me at a suspiciously slow pace. I slowed down at the intersection to see if it's gonna drive past and I was just being overly paranoid. It slowed down with me to see if I turn corners or walk straight ahead. When I stood still, It rolled up  and came to a halt in the middle of the road. The driver side window rolled down and sitting there was a beautiful woman in her mid twenties. It didn't come up to the board walk, it just stood there in the middle of the road. She looked at me and greeted me in spanish rather silemtly. Just one word. I stared back, still standing there on the sidewalk with my mom. The car rolled off very slowly as if still keeping a watch on us but when I didn't move for a while, it took off. It wasn't a traffic issue, it followed us/me for a good 50 meters at walking speed and there was no other car in front. If this didn't happen right in the bad part of town where crime and prostitution runs rampant I would've wrote it off as some interested girl checking me out. Sadly, there's no way some girl driving through the literal hood in an expensive ass car with all around deeply and cleanly tinted windows is checking out some random dude in slippers and socks, a white tee and black sweat shorts. I didn't style or dress up and I was sweaty as fuck. No bags, no wallet on me, no money or phone in my hand which could've potentially sparked interest. I couldn't see anyone else in that car but I really didn't get to take a long look into the back seat. I was worried she's gonna pull a gun or someone's gonna jump me from inside or behind the car.
594The prostitutes here usually don't drive around in a shiny lexus picking up men, they're just standing around on the sidewalk or sit/work at bars. Look man, how is it possible that the only girls showing interest in me are criminals feigning it for a chance to rob or literally kill me? Cars here drive have the steering wheel on the left, right? Maybe not, maybe she was just a lure. 
595Luckily the sun was up and there were a lot of people around.
596I either got REALLY lucky and received a massive ego boost, someone was out for my life or interpol is on my case. 
597Would've sucked being abducted on the last day of vacation.
598I pondered about this and there's a fourth option, very likely option. Maybe I looked so much like the ordinary low life crook that she and whoever else was in that car mistook me for a courier or plug they had a deal with. That would explain the tailing and the short exchange. Strange things happen in cities. Last night here, woohoooooo!! 
599Nana fap, anyone? Maybe when I get home? Pretty please?
600Gotta check out at 1 pm tomorrow but our ride to the airport is at 5pm and our flight at 8. God help me through those 7 hours of absolute boredom. 
601
602Final Day:
603
60405:59, I'm awake. 
605I'll be home by tomorrow. I probably won't have anything to blog about today. We're having breakfast normally, a quick lunch at 12:30 but how we're spending the 4 hours we'll have to wait for our ride to the airport is uncertain. Going outside with heavy luggage seems like a dumb idea but so does leaving it unattended at the reception. Do we really have to sit around for 4 damn hours with nothing to do? I'll keep you updated. Not sure what I'll do between breakfast and lunch. Part of me says I should go for a swim in the sea one last time or chill at the jacuzzi but I already did that yesterday. Ugh. 
606I'm very happy I get to finally go home.
607There's this one asian reporter named cathy on nbc news.
608Why do they have make my life so hard. Oh our lift gets here at 4:30 apparently, three and a half hours of doing nothing is doable.
60909:49, chilling in my room after (the last) breakfast.
610We're going into the city one last time to drop our last dollars on that ring my mom wanted.
61110:37, we're back. She got the ring.
612Gonna have one last swim in the sea in roughly 45 minutes.
613Cont. 18
614
615My playlist is huuuuge. I listed every song that came to my head in these 17 days and I'm gonna listen to each and every one of them when I get home tomorrow. I'm gonna be up for a long time anyway, plenty of time to sip and listen to some good music. Gonna live the BEST life. I'll be at home in exactly 24 hours.
616This vacation was terrible at times but calling it a waste of time would be lying. I had plenty of time to think about my life. I realized how much my friends, online or offline, matter to me and how much joy my hobbies give me. I wasn't sure about that when I was at home, thought about quitting kpop and making music. Now I know that this is definitely not what I want. I see who I am more clearly and I think it'll also make it easier to decide where I want to go.
617Going for my last meal now. 
61813:13 on the 13th of september, we checked out and I'm now sitting in the hotel lobby. It's so hot during this time of day that I'm completely drenched in sweat after just 13 minutes.
619Now we just have to wait for 3 hours and 15 minutes to get picked up and taken to the airport.
620Most importantly the finally cut that dumb bracelet off. It felt like a shackle, like handcuffs or some indentification tag in prison. I feel free now. I got pretty good at assembling my own burger. The obe I made today was flawless, nothing slipped or spilled out. THEY'RE PLAYING A TRUMPET VERSION OF THE DESPACITO INSTRUMENTAL, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH KILL MEEEE.
621It wasn't a trumpet but a saxophone, they played a shape of you cover after that.
62214:47, reading. My ability do absolutely nothing without getting bored is coming in handy. I'm a professional at waiting for time to pass.
62316:59, waiting to check our luggage in at the airport. Gonna listen to (my) music for the first time in 18 days. No kpop yet, I'll krep that for when we're back. 
62417:53, passed the security check. Waiting at the gate. 1 hout 35 minutes to go. Listening to music I like feels so good. Missed the clean sound my headphones deliver. There's some muscular guy in a kilt sitting right across me. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel. Travelling home in slippers because I couldn't fully get that smell out of my sneaks. Yeah, I'm THAT guy who wears slides and socks outside.
62519:10, boarded the plane.
626Safely landed, waiting for our baggage now.