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1F4W~!#669 - Joe beats Angle for TNA Title - April 21, 2008
22008-04-16
3F4W~!#611 - Couture slays the giant - March 12, 2007
42007-03-07
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10F4W~!#669 - JOE BEATS ANGLE FOR TNA TITLE - APRIL 21, 2008
11BY OBSERVER STAFF | STAFF@WRESTLINGOBSERVER.COM | @WONF4W
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13Samoa Joe beat Kurt Angle at Lockdown Sunday night to win the TNA Title in one of the finest matches of 2008.
14
15About a year ago I had an idea for a new style of pro-wrestling. In many ways, it wasn't a new style at all, it actually hearkened back somewhat (the operative word being "somewhat") to the days of UWF/UWFi in Japan. My idea was that pro-wrestlers shouldn't train so much as bodybuilders as they have in the past, but rather as athletes preparing for a competition. The matches themselves would consist of MMA-style matwork early and then a more traditional pro-wrestling style with exciting highspots and such at the finish. The major difference between this style and UWF (besides the obvious fact that UWF didn't have pinfalls during the glory days and this style would) is that I still talk to people today who remember watching UWFi matches and thinking they were real. Those matches were designed to be worked shoots through and through; this new style would be undoubtedly pro-wrestling, and preferably just as exciting as your average modern wrestling bout, but incorporate more modern MMA-style matwork and be performed by more complete athletes. No one is going to be fooled today by fake MMA and there is no reason to watch fake MMA when you can watch the real thing, particularly with promotions like UFC offering five-figure bonuses to guys who can have exciting fights. I do not, however, see a problem with athletic wrestlers (and both Edge and Randy Orton were World Champions in WWE in 2008 with very lean physiques) working in the guard and going for armbars and such as opposed to big fat guys or stiff bodybuilders standing in the middle of the ring and applying nerve holds.
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17American Dragon has been working something similar to this style and Joe and Angle did the closest thing to it that I have yet to see on a major US stage. It wasn't a worked MMA match, but rather a worked-shoot American pro-wrestling match; in other words, if you told two pro-wrestlers to go in there and go at it for real with pro-wrestling rules, this is what you would theoretically get. They didn't do your traditional headlocks and arm wringers early, they worked MMA-style with hard kicks and punches and jiu-jitsu style matwork. Angle eventually gave him a pro-wrestling style suplex and got the heat, using, among things, the figure four leglock, which in real life would not feel good but which you probably could never apply on an actual struggling human being. Joe's comeback and the highspots at the end were straight out of any great Joe vs. Angle pro-wrestling match, although he was laying everything in much harder than he would normally. It really came off as state-of-the-art in 2008, and while there were some fans online that hated it and a few pockets of disgruntled fans live, the vast majority of people in attendance ate it up. It appeared the main complaint from people who didn't like it was that they didn't want to see "fake MMA" in their pro-wrestling. The problem, however, is that ALL pro-wrestling is essentially fake mixed martial arts. The difference between a worked kimura and an arm-wringer is that one would work in a real fight and one would not. But that's it. If you're OK with a nerve pinch but not a guard, all you're really saying is that fake MMA is NOT FAKE ENOUGH for you, which is a rather odd criticism. In a way, hatred for this match is no different from the hatred some US fans have for lucha, which flat-out looks different from American wrestling, and because it looks different some people will state that it is "wrong" or "bad" even though it has worked and been successful in Mexico for longer than any single promotion has existed in the United States. The bottom line is that whatever you think about whether it was "right" or "correct", it's hard to argue that it was a "bad match" when it very clearly worked big live.
18
19"Samoa" Joe Seanoa started his career nearly a decade ago in California and got himself booked full-time in ROH after having an awesome debut match. He wasn't even planned to be a regular since flights from California were not cheap. Eventually, he became the longest-reigning ROH Champion of all time and helped put the company on the map. His reign helped him in the sense that being champion for so long (21 months) and having so many awesome matches made him the closest thing to a non-WWE/TNA wrestling superstar that you can achieve in this country, and also positioned the ROH Title as something special that was taken seriously to a certain level all over the world. Eventually he signed with TNA and was pushed hard right out of the gate, going undefeated for 18 months. His streak finally came to an end at the hands of Kurt Angle.
20
21Their first match was amazing for a number of reasons. Besides being a great match, it remains to this day the most purchased TNA PPV in history with roughly 60,000 buys. The key to the promotion of the match was that it was not ruined with stupid storylines as their three subsequent matches were. Instead, the whole premise of it was that Kurt Angle was going to wrestle Samoa Joe. That's it. Angle was fresh off WWE TV, having been fired over drug issues months earlier, and everyone knew it. Joe was undefeated in TNA, and because the fanbase was smaller and more hardcore most everyone was well aware of his run as ROH Champion. The match didn't need a storyline because it was basically an interpromotional battle, and that's all the build it needed; it was WWE's Kurt Angle vs. TNA/ROH's Samoa Joe in a battle to see who was better. And it worked.
22
23As noted, as soon as the match ended they had storylines written for them to try to keep the heat on the feud, and has been the case numerous times with TNA the storylines helped kill interest in subsequent matches. The buyrate for each additional encounter was lower than the previous one, which is the opposite of how it's supposed to work, and it didn't help that all three original matches took place in the course of a few months. They had one more match last summer, where Karen Angle teased going with Joe and then turned on him to the surprise of nobody except Samoa Joe, and it was such that when it was brought up on TV about a month ago I had actually forgotten it even happened.
24
25Joe should have won the title in the first series. He was at his hottest at that point, and the losses to Angle, the booking of him as a guy too fat to do Ultimate X, the booking of him as a moron for trusting Karen, and the booking of him as a crybaby that was more concerned about a new big-money contract than his actual in-ring career really put the brakes on him in a major way.
26
27Ironically, as they decided to put the belt on Joe a year late they also opted to take the belt off Angle when he was at his peak of effectiveness. The story of Kurt's career has been him not reaching his ultimate potential because he's never been used to that potential; this is an Olympic gold medalist and legit badass who can portray that character better than almost anyone, and most of his career has been spent with him portraying a comedy geek. Sure, he's awesome at it, don't get me wrong, but nobody is buying PPVs to see a comedy geek as World Champion. Ironically, over the past few months Angle has arguably become the most effective he's ever been in his career at portraying the character he should have portrayed from day one. He's taken on the bully heel asskicker gimmick, incorporating many different things from MMA, and he's not only beaten tons of guys in great matches in the US but also was shown beating Yuji Nagata in a great match in Japan on the Global Impact special. He has been positioned, particularly in TNA where almost everyone is a dork, as by far the baddest guy in the promotion, on a level above everyone else and more befitting than anyone else to be the champion. It's kind of an old-school mentality, but if fans sat down and thought who should TNA send to represent the company in, say, a TNA Champion vs. WWE Champion match, or who should TNA sent to represent the company in a UFC fight, the answer today would be Kurt Angle. He was in a different stratosphere from everyone else in the company and played the role of World Heavyweight Champion better than anyone. And then he lost on Sunday. Oh well.
28
29The build for this match was also different from anything else TNA has been doing. Jeff Jarrett was blown away by Global Impact and the OK was given to Angle and Joe to promote this as if they were doing a UFC fight. They brought in Marcus Davis of UFC to "train" Joe and comment on his progress, and they brought in former PRIDE announcer and fighter Frank Trigg to do commentary both at the live Impact and the PPV. Trigg was absolutely awesome and he must be signed immediately to a huge money deal, otherwise I am totally fine with WWE raiding him. What was amazing is that he not only did a great job breaking down the MMA portion of the match early, but when they transitioned into more traditional pro-wrestling he was right there with them as well. It really pointed out how little Don West has improved over five years that this guy could step in there like that and just blow everyone out of the water.
30
31The got rid of Karen Angle in storyline so that they could focus on building the match without having to worry about furthering that storyline. Karen is a great character on TV, perhaps too effective as a heel because you want to turn the channel when she's on, and the constant screaming matches with Kurt were grating and doing nobody any favors. They continued it at the PPV by booting her out before the match started, which did, because this is TNA and this is how things work, have people expecting her to do a run-in. Didn't happen. It was, to steal a term some people hate, a PURE SPORTS BUILD, and while I don't know this I do have a feeling this will do a significantly better buyrate than usual for this company, perhaps in the 30,000 range, which would be almost double what some of the lower-level shows have done of late.
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33When people, including myself, talked about pro-wrestling learning from MMA, it never had anything to do with having wrestlers do fake MMA matches. It was all about learning what UFC was doing that was allowing them to blow pro-wrestling out of the water on PPV. Some people will look at it simplistically and say, "Well, UFC is real and wrestling is fake", but that does not answer the question as to why a certain real UFC show would do 300,000 buys and another would do 600,000 or 775,000 buys (I will throw out the record 1 million or so number since the company had major mainstream media attention for that one). The answer is that UFC did a better job than pro-wrestling in creating stars and rivalries, and making your average fan think that a certain fight was important.
34
35There was a time decades ago when people believed that, yeah, those undercard pro-wrestling matches might be hokey and fake, but the main events were REAL. Of course, nobody today believes that Angle vs. Joe is real, but TNA, with all the MMA-style features and the interviews and the training footage and the commentary from insiders, really succeeded in making it seem like this match, if nothing else, was DIFFERENT and IMPORTANT. They pushed it as special and thus it was special, and they even managed to peak it on the go-home show before the PPV, which was amazing. Actually, that's not true; they peaked it at the PPV where Angle, Joe, Trigg and Davis all did incredible promos hyping it up. There is no excuse for these not airing in the final five minutes of Impact so that 1.3 million viewers could watch them. The very word "promo" is short for "promote" or "promotion", and there is no need to promote something on a show that's already been purchased. The best promos need to close the go-home show.
36
37Overall, it's a must-see match. Some people won't understand why it was great or why it worked, and that's fine as long as TNA understands why it was great and why it worked. Not every match can be like this and not every PPV can be built up in this way. But there are certainly many things to learn from this and why it was effective, and at the same time learn why the usual Impact bullshit nonsense is decidedly not effective.
38
39The rest of the PPV was pretty good. Not the best of all time, but nothing was abysmal and some of the good stuff was really good. The main event made it a true keeper, though, and a DVD of the entire build for Joe vs. Angle including all the promos and training sessions and the match itself would be an awesome thing, and a lot of fun to study.
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411. X-Division XSCAPE Match: "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal vs. Curry Man vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Consequences Creed. The rules were that it was an elimination match, and the last two guys inside had to try to escape the cage to win. So yes, fight, fight, fight and then flee. Devine eliminated Sonjay and then Creed eliminated Sharkie. They were going at a super fast pace here and the crowd is HOT. Curry climbed up to the top of the cage where he was going to do, according to Don, SOMETHING DANGEROUS. That ended up being a flip dive onto Creed and Devine. Don called it a moonsault but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt after doing commentary on X matches for five years. It was a PERFECT catch, and I mean perfect. He followed it up with a spicy drop on Creed for the elimination. Sonjay and Val were still watching on outside. Curry hit the spicy drop on Lethal but Devine broke it up, then pinned Curry with an underhook piledriver. Lethal ended up take off his wrist tape and taping Lethal to the ropes. He tried to go out the door but Dutt refused to let him. So Devine said fine, fucker, I'll climb over. As he was climbing, Dutt threw a knife – A KNIFE – in for Lethal. He cut himself free and then Dutt opened the door so he could do a huge dive through the ropes and crash into the floor for the pin. A fun match while it lasted. (***)
42
43TO THE BACK~! for an interview with Frank Trigg, who I could have sworn was Kurt Angle. He talked about the nerves going into a fight and what Joe and Angle must be feeling. He said Angle had been here before, in the thick of things in both pro-wrestling and the Olympics, and Joe had failed to beat Angle three times. He claimed Joe had the advantage on the ground (?) and Angle had the advantage in stand-up (??). He said nothing against Marcus Davis, but Joe wasn't going to beat Angle tonight. TRIGG VS. DAVIS ON PAY-PER-VIEW, SIGN IT, BABY. He said it was unfortunate that Joe was going to lose because he's done so much for wrestling and would have to retire.
44
452. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Salinas vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Traci Brooks vs. Christy Hemme vs. Jacqueline vs. Roxxi Laveaux in a Queen of the Cage match. Basically, a reverse cage match where the first two girls in have a singles match to determine the winner. The best part was when the ring announcer explained the rules and then said, "FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE, FIGHT~!~!~!" I laughed. They had a horrible brawl outside. Thankfully, Angelina was in within about 30 seconds. She looked terrified climbing. Roxxie was in about one minute later. So it's Roxxi vs. Angelina. They've given Roxxi new make-up and she's very pretty. Still has the wacky gimmick, though. Crowd was super into Roxxi since she's from the area. Girls worked hard and it wasn't bad, and the heat helped. Roxxi won clean with the voodoo drop, which is pretty wacky but the crowd went nuts for it. She won a title shot against Awesome Kong. I like Roxxi. (**)
46
47A new generic blonde interviewed Joe. Where the hell is Crystal? He cut a promo about how he would be DAMNED if he let Angle take what he had given his LIFE to. He said if Angle thought this was his great swan song he was sadly mistaken. He said Kurt held what he desired and he'd give anything for it, his career, his life, anything. He said he never touched him at Impact because he wanted him to be his very best at the PPV, so he would look up at Joe at the end of the night and know without a shadow of a doubt that he was World Heavyweight Champion. This was awesome.
48
49More good promos with Kip and BG. I think Kip said he was going to feed BG to lions after he beat him. If that's not that he said, don't tell me otherwise.
50
513. Kip James vs. BG James. Kip attacked him right at the bell and went to work. Don said the cage had no give because of the way it was "configurated". Kip just beat him and beat him and beat him, then hit the FAME ASSER. BG kicked out. People hated Kip here. He tried the SUPER FAME ASSER off the top but BG avoided it and gave him a low blow. BG made his big comeback sending him into all sides of the cage, then hit a giant SUPERMAN PUNCH. The finish was so old school. Kip went for a Stinger splash and BG rolled him up for the pin. (*1/2)
52
53BG helped him up afterwards and asked for a handshake. Kip raised BG's hands in victory, then of course laid him out with a huge clothesline. Announcers freaked out about this horrible, horrible act. Kip then stood over him and gave him one big crotch chop. THIS FEUD MUST CONTINUE.
54
55By the way, apparently Vince Russo had a shit-eating grin on his face when Kip turned on BJ, like he'd fooled everyone with this swerve. The only person Russo swerved was himself, because NOBODY else in the building was surprised by this.
56
57Borash interviewed Angle about the match tonight. He said before he came to TNA, when he was with the WWE, anybody they threw his way he beat, he made them tap out. Then he started watching the competition and he saw a man, Samoa Joe, that wasn't just a wrestler, he was an animal. He said there was an intensity he only saw in one other place, and that was the mirror. He said he took Angle to the limit in all his matches, he gave him everything he had and Joe took it. He said the last time they wrestled he knew something had to give, he had to do something drastic, because they both wanted one thing, and both of them couldn't have it. He said tonight it wasn't business, it was personal, and he had to prove he was the very best by making Joe tap out. "I need to beat you, I need to end your career. So Joe it isn't only about winning or losing, it's about survival." This was phenomenal. Why they couldn't have aired this and Joe's promo at the end of Impact I have no idea.
58
594. The Motor City Machineguns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) vs. The Latin American Xchange (Homicide y Hernandez) vs. "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner & "Little Petey Pump" Petey Williams vs. The Rock N' Rave Infection (Jimmy Rave & Lance Hoyt) vs. Eric Young & Kaz vs. Black Reign & Rellik in a cuffed in the cage match. They showed Black Reign and Rellik beating up Eric Young backstage. You know what that means. Kaz ended up having to work with no partner. Even though he's a babyface they had to force him into the cage. What? This was eleven dudes in a cage all hitting each other. A total mess. Eric came out about five minutes into the match and tried to climb inside. The monsters wouldn't let him. What meanies. So he turned his back and just walked out. Somehow Steiner ended up handcuffed to the cage. I guess the rules were that you had to handcuff everyone, and the last un-handcuffed guy won. Machine Guns got handcuffed. Announcers were useless, unable to keep track of anything. That's what happens when a match is too stupidly complex. Crowd inexplicably chanted "TNA!" Petey with his bald head is such an epic fail. He got handcuffed. Jimmy Rave took a cracker jack into the cage. What a dummy. "Oh, there's just so much going on, folks!" Kaz then did a dive and Tenay was like "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?" Apparently it wasn't a dive it was a flux capacitor. He was immediately attacked by the monsters. Then he took a chokeslam off the top rope from Hoyt. That was insane, totally insane. Kaz was handcuffed at this point. So it came down to Rock & Rave vs. The Monsters. Crowd was chanting "SUPER ERIC!" so out he came, hitting a dive off the top of the cage onto all four guys. He handcuffed Hoyt and Rave to the cage. Monsters tried to cuff him but he somehow cuffed Rellik using his super powers, then hit the DVD on Reign and cuffed him as well. So Super Eric wins. Why they didn't do the cuff breaking gimmick as the big spot on this show instead of Impact I have no earthly idea. Eric then broke Kaz's cuffs and they celebrated to end the match. (*1/2)
60
61The generic blonde was backstage with Joe's family, including his father PETE and his brothers STEPHAN and WAYNE. They were in full Samoan regalia. Samoa Pete said this was all Joe wanted to do and they were there to support him as he fought one of the top icons of TNA. He said win or lose, he'd still love his son for accomplishing so much. How nice.
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635. Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed vs. Gail Kim & ODB. OK, so it was determined earlier that there are no DQs in these cage matches, so if that's the case, why are two girls on the apron waiting for tags? Logic holes aside, we got the debut of Saeed, who wrestled in her gimmick, including a wacky facemask. They claimed she had trained in the dojos of Japan with Kong. She is really good and did the best she could with that stupid mask in the way. Gail finally tried a springboard and Kong slammed her face into the cage – behind the ref's back, of course. Gail was an awesome babyface in peril, and the heels were great heels. ODB made the hot tag and ran wild. Why does she play the air trumpet? Gail went to climb but Saeed cut her off. She went for a top rope powerbomb but Gail turned it into a super frankensteiner. That was awesome and got some "TNA!" chants. Saeed tried to hold ODB for the spinning backfist, but ODB moved and Kong hit her partner, then ODB finished her off with a splash off the top. This was a fun match. (***)
64
65Karen was backstage with Borash. She said notwithstanding their relationship, she was there to support her husband. She said this match had changed his entire life in many ways and she was very concerned about what would happen if he didn't win this evening. He'll become a pill addict? She's very concerned, Borash said. Yeah.
66
676. Booker T & Sharmell vs. Robert Roode & Payton Banks. Another traditional tag match in a cage. After crying about having to do this match, Sharmell was going nuts trying to get into the ring. Booker and Roode started. It was really good as you'd expect. Then they kept working and working and working. They worked the entire match until the finish when Sharmell tagged herself in to slap the crap out of Roode. Roode grabbed her and was going to go to work when Peyton tagged herself in. I'm not sure what happened but Peyton turned around and accidentally slapped Roode. As she was apologizing, Sharmell rolled up Peyton for the pin. Roode was so angry that he didn't go after Booker or Sharmell afterwards, he just started screaming at Peyton. He yelled and screamed and threatened to punch her, then just bailed on her. They played his music for his bailing. (**3/4)
68
69They interviewed Marcus Davis about the Samoa Joe match. At least they acknowledged him as a UFC fighter for once. He said Joe had an unbelievable training camp, doing two to three sessions per day. He said they covered every aspect of the fight, stand-up, grappling, ground and pound and jiu-jitsu. He said Joe came out of it a complete fighter. "Nice," said the generic blonde. Davis said to defeat Kurt Joe was going to have to stick to the plan and implement the tools and training that they did to prepare.
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717. Team Cage (Christian Cage, Kevin Nash, Rhino, Sting, Matt Morgan) vs. Team Tomko (Tomko, AJ Styles, Team 3D, James Storm) in a War Games match. First two entrants were Christian and Tomko. Well, that's what they teased. Tomko came down the aisle and then suddenly AJ flew in out of nowhere and wiped out Christian with a dive. You know you couldn't have a TNA show without at least one swerve. Hopefully this is the last one. AJ beat the crap out of him early, then with about two minutes left Christian gave him a crazy clothesline and AJ bumped right onto his head and neck. CHRIST, YOU DUMMY. That was more dangerous than I think every dive on this show, and nobody would even know that. So Christian was running wild and the clock was counting down to A HEEL hitting the ring. The idea, in the old days, back when wrestling was good, was that a heel would come down to UNEVEN THE ODDS as the babyface was running wild. So literally, with five seconds left until the next heel came out, AJ hit a Pele and made his own save. Oh, who cares? Bubba was in next and at least they doubled on Christian the whole time as opposed to Christian single-handedly beating up both heels or something retarded. Rhino was in next to make the save for his pal. They quickly cut him off as well. Next in was James Storm. Christian and AJ ended up brawling on top of the page. I predict idiocy. Christian started climbing over to the other side for no logical reason, and then got bumped to the outside. Nash was in next. With Christian outside, that meant it was still a disadvantage for the babyfaces. Well, that was good. For a moment. Christian quickly scaled the cage and then hit both Bubba and Storm with a dive off the top. Don said this was unbelievable. It would be harder to believe if we hadn't seen it earlier on this same show, twice perhaps. D-Von was in next. Then it was time for Matt Morgan's debut. He was in great shape and looked good. WWE fired this man. Think about that. He ran wild on everyone. Tomko was in next, meaning Sting was the final man. I'd forgotten that it's not just War Games, it's War Games where the ceiling lowers after all the men are inside, and there are weapons hanging from the ceiling. Crowd chanted "WE WANT STING!", and finally he ran out. The ceiling lowered and all the gimmicks came into play. There were a LOT of dudes in the ring here. War Games at least had two rings. The announcers said EVERY CONCEIVABLE WEAPON was available. For historical purposes, EVERY CONCEIVABLE WEAPON means tables, chairs, kendo sticks, ladders, trash cans and trash can lids. Christian and Storm ended up on top and it looked like the cage might not support their weight. D-Von was bleeding. Morgan and Nash hit double chokeslams on Team 3-D. Tomko ran wild with chairshots including unprotected shots to Morgan's head. AJ KILLED Sting with a kendo stick shot to the heat. Christian set up a table on the roof. He was going to kill Storm so AJ went to make the save. He put Christian on the table and then set up a ladder – yes, on TOP OF THE CAGE. The ladder was right on the edge of the cage. This was WAY too dangerous. Storm ended up tipping the ladder over with AJ and Christian on it, and they crashed through the table on the top of the cage. Thankfully, everything held up. "THAT WAS AWESOME!" the people chanted. Storm ended up breaking a beer bottle over Morgan's head, then Rhino gored him to death for the pin. Kind of an anticlimactic ending, but a very good match. (***3/4)
72
738. Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe for the TNA Title. This was awesome. They did a tale of the tape first and had Frank Trigg there to do commentary. They showed the guys walking to the ring all the way from the locker room, and did pre-fight video packages similar to what you'd see in UFC. The Samoan dancers came out during Joe's ring intro, and he was accompanied by Marcus Davis. Karen Angle was shown in the front row there to support her separated husband. Angle had his fists and ankles taped and was flanked by two mob-looking dudes. He looked like he was coming out for a FIGHT. He was even wearing MMA-style shorts. Borash did the ring intros and it ruled as always. Angle looked around 215 or so and I think he said in interviews that he was down that low, but they still billed him at 235. They billed Joe at 280 I believe. Angle pointed at Karen before the match and demanded they get her out of here. Security came out and had her dragged off. She was screaming about how she came here for him. Fuck you, leave! They worked MMA style early. Crowd was going absolutely nuts. Joe went for a kneebar early and Kurt got the ropes. Trigg noted that without the boots on it would be harder to tap Kurt with leg holds. Angle got a takedown and the mount and was pounding on him. Joe got the ropes. Crowd was going nuts. Angle hit him with at least one really hard shot. He went for another takedown and Joe kicked him right in the face and pounced. Joe tried a judo trip and Angle suplexed him onto his head. He put on a side choke but Joe got the ropes. Angle tried a straight armbar but Joe stacked him. Angle has clearly been doing some legit training because he was in great shape here. Joe looked like he was getting tired. Angle chop blocked him and put on a figure four. Trigg was fucking awesome on commentary. Joe sold this figure four forever, then finally escaped. Angle continued to work on him. Joe finally clotheslined him out of his fucking boots to start his comeback. Joe made his big comeback, hitting everything a lot harder than usual, and went for the muscle buster. Angle put on the ankle lock. Joe fought free and powerbombed the hell out of him, then put him in a Boston crab, then the STF. Fans were going nuts. Joe moved into a crossface. Angle teased a tap like crazy but then switched into the ankle lock. Joe switched back into the crossface. People were chanting "JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU!" Angle reversed it into the Olympic slam but Joe kicked out. Angle went back to the ankle lock but Joe pulled him into a choke. Angle used the ref's shirt to help pull himself into the ropes. Joe threw him into the cage, superkicked him, and hit a huge muscle buster for the clean pin. That was one fucking awesome match right there. (****3/4)
74
75
76YAMMA-MIA (bold, centered)
77
78The debut of YAMMA Pitfighting, the new MMA promotion created by original UFC founder Bob Meyrowitz, was a disaster.
79
80You can best sum up this show in two words: TIME WARP. It was like Meyrowitz took UFC in 1994, transported it to 2008, and put it on PPV. You had big bulky fighters, many of which in some ways didn't appear to know exactly what they were doing, freak show fights, a small crowd in a darkened arena, and even some of the original UFC mainstays like Bruce Beck and Jeff Blatnick. Original UFC matchmaker John Peretti, who did commentary all night, seriously either stepped right out of a time machine or had not watched any MMA since the mid-90s. It was amazing to see.
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82The big draw on the show was the debut of the YAMMA fighting surface, which it was claimed would revolutionize the sport. Basically, it was a cage that had its surface incline by a foot or two starting about three feet out from the fence. The incline was red and was called the "WARNING ZONE" or the "DANGER ZONE" or something like that. I am not sure what was so dangerous about it. I guess it was supposed to prevent clinching against the fence and make it harder for wrestlers to bull guys up there. Instead, it made takedowns easier and was better for the wrestlers.
83
84Many people hated this show, some passionately. I hated it less than others, partially because I think the people running it are good people and had the right intentions. But mostly I didn't hate it because I cannot hate something that was done as an experiment. Sure, going in it was pretty clear that without strong national television this wasn't going to do any buys whatsoever. The YAMMA structure, though, was an experiment, as was the idea of trying to bring back the tournament format. That is all fine. The reality, though, is that it led to a really bad show, and now Meyrowitz needs to learn from what did not work and make major adjustments if there is actually going to be a second show in June.
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86Problem is, at least as of today, that doesn't seem to be what he has in mind.
87
88In quite frankly a baffling interview, Myrowitz on Sherdog.com said he was THRILLED with the show. He said it was so exciting and thrilling, and that he hoped everyone who watched it was just as thrilled about it as he was. He said he'd seen a lot of threads and blogs with criticism and thoughts, but he personally thought it was a great night of fights and that they were going full-bore with plans for YAMMA 2 in June. He said he didn't foresee the Yamma structure making life easier for the wrestlers, and that they might have to go and re-evaluate things. He said Oleg told him it would take five shows for them to full determine whether or not it was going to work (I think Oleg was referring to the structure and not the YAMMA concept itself). Bob said he personally felt two or three more shows were necessary before making tweaks. He said, "The last fight was incredible!" He said the middleweights were coming out in June and that since they were smaller with better cardio it might be a better show. After that, he said, they were planning a lightweight tournament. In other words, he learned nothing from the failure of the tournament. He said his main goal with this show was to see whether the Yamma would work, and that the whole thing was very nerve-wracking to him. He said he was concerned it "wouldn't work", but didn't know what "wouldn't work" would have meant. He said it was a great night of fights and nobody got hurt. He was asked about revenue streams, and he said it wasn't about how many PPVs they did but how successful they were. He said they had to build up the YAMMA name and let people know why it was better. He said they created two stars tonight, Chris Tuscherer and Travis Wiuff. "That last fight was really what warriors are all about". He said Pat Smith and Oleg Taktarov both looked great as well. Well, they did, but their opponents did not. He said the original UFC had all sorts of stars but since then "almost no new stars have been created". They asked about TV and he said they weren't looking at TV as a necessary option. He said they were looking at the star route, creating stars and creating fights people wanted to see.
89
90God bless Bob, but this interview came off as very delusional. To say that UFC hasn't created a single star in the modern era, but that Chris Tuscherer and Travis Wiuff became stars on Friday night is completely insane. It was a fine idea to give the tournament a shot, but in execution it failed. The idea of a tournament to create stars is sound, because a guy who goes through a grueling series of tests to win a prize is a tale that goes back thousands of years. Problem is, the New Jersey State Athletic Commission only OK'd a total of 25 minutes of action for each participant, meaning the first and second rounds were only five minutes total and the final was fifteen. It's impossible to see if anyone is all that good in a five minute fight, and worse, the wrestlers all knew that they only had to take a dude down and hold him for five minutes to advance. In fact, Wiuff stated outright that if he got two takedowns he would be in the finals, which means his PLAN was to LAY AND PRAY. In 2008, when UFC fighters are paid as much as $65,000 for the fight of the night, fans aren't going to accept a guy holding his opponent down to eke out a decision. It's certainly the farthest thing from a star-making performance. There is also the issue that when fans can compare YAMMA to UFC, there is not an easy answer as to why, as Bob claimed, YAMMA is better. Although he claimed that UFC hasn't created any stars, all of the current UFC main eventers and even most of the undercard guys are far more recognizable than anyone on this YAMMA show (well, maybe everyone would recognize Butterbean, and it doesn't matter because he was obliterated). The production values of UFC blew this out of the water, the crowds are God knows how much bigger, the mainstream stars in attendance treat UFC as a much bigger deal -- and I'm not sure why I'm going on here because the list could continue nearly into perpetuity.
91
92If YAMMA is going to continue, major, major changes need to be made. They need to bid for stars people will have heard of. They need to seek out some sort of television deal, because even a low-level deal on a weak network is better than nothing at all. They need to rely on something other than LiveNation to promote the shows because this first event made it clear that LiveNation hardly did a thing. And above all else Meyrowitz needs to understand that it's 2008 and the game has changed, and what worked when UFC was formed is absolutely not going to work today.
93
94Of course, Comcast fucked everything up and made this show impossible to order.
95
96Jeff Blatnik, John Peretti and Bruce Beck opened up the show. I am not making this up. This is like a time warp, or the first ECW One Night Stand. Perhaps the latter is a bad comparison.
97
98The Yamma is basically a round cage with angled edges about three feet from the edge of the cage. The angled edge is red and they call it the WARNING TRACK.
99
100Scott Ferrall did ring announcing. They need a new announcer. I'm sure he's a great guy, but this was a failure. His voice sounded like a dude with one of those throat gimmicks, and he was rapidly shuffling through cards in a very amateurish fashion.
101
1021. Sherman Pendergarst vs. Alexey Oleynik. They asked Pendergarst what his fighting style was and he paused for awhile and said, "I'd say – wrestling." The ref separated them twice for inactivity. The second time in particular was horrible since blows were actually being thrown during the split. The problem was when they split them up the clock kept running and so we lost about 30 seconds of a five minute fight. Alexey ended up taking him down again and tapped him out with a choke.
103
1042. Tony Sylvester vs. Chris Tuscherer. Chris did a funny promo talking about how he "did some research" on his opponent and learned that they'd beat many of the same men, but he couldn't find any footage on him to study. Ferrall sounds like he's calling horseracing. The more I drink the more he's growing on me. Chris bulled him into the cage early. He tried for a guillotine but Tony pulled his head out. Both guys looked gassed about two minutes in. Chris got him from behind on their feet and landed a bunch of shots until the round ended. WE'RE GOING TO THE JUDGES ALREADY! Chris got the unanimous decision and he will fight again.
105
106Blatnick interviewed Chris afterwards, who was gasping for air. This man must fight again. He said the first round you feel kind of tired early, but then realize that you're ready to go for the second. He was huffing and puffing as he said this.
107
108They're already plugging the next show, which will have a middleweight tournament, a women's fight and another Masters' fight.
109
1103. Marcelo Pereira vs. Travis Wiuff. Ferrall during the ring intros said that Marcelo was "LIVID, STEAMING MAD", and now, as I am undoubtedly drunk, I love this man. Wiuff took him down quickly. Apparently he said earlier that if he got two takedowns he would be in the finals. So he plans to lay and pray for two rounds? I should note that he also said that was COMFORTABLE ON THE GROUND WITH ANY BRAZILIAN. HA HA I know what he means, you know? Wiuff did, in fact, lay and pray on him. The ref then foiled Travis' plan by standing him up. OH SHIT. Didn't matter, he immediately took the man down again. Went the one-round limit and Wiuff laid and prayed his way to victory.
111
1124. George Bush vs. Ricco Rodriguez. Not only is his name George Bush, but his middle initial is W. Seriously. I'm told his HANDS ARE WMD's. Scott Ferrall is now officially the greatest ring announcer I heard all time all my life. Ricco took him down early and Bush tried to stand up, but Ricco refused to let go. Bush finally fought free but it was a good little scramble there. Ricco managed to get him down again, but Bush reversed. These guys are actually having a FIGHT. Ricco pretty much controlled him, then bulled him into the cage and got another takedown. He got his back and went for a choke. Bush reversed into his guard with ten seconds left. Fun little battle and Ricco should take it. Yup.
113
114Ricco cut a promo afterwards thanking everyone for their support. He said George was SCRAPPY~!, but a tough man. He said he went back to his basics, wrestling, and would always go back to that when shit went down. He looked totally fine going into the second. He's got a very deceiving physique.
115
116I was hammered at this point and messing around on our message board and a man named SWEETDADDYPATTY deserves recognition for coming up with a truly revolutionary concept for YAMMA. Since the fighting surface is shaped like a frying pan, he suggested the surface GRADUALLY HEAT UP as the fights went on. Never have I heard a better idea, ever in my life.
117
1185. Mark Kerr vs. Oleg Taktarov. They claimed Kerr was only 39. That's impossible. He looked no younger than 49. He looked WAY older than Taktarov, who is 40. They said Kerr was 266.2 pounds, and it wasn't all muscle. Taktarov was 221. They threw some punches early and then Kerr shot in for the takedown. Oleg quickly got back up. Kerr punched him again and they bumped into the DANGER ZONE. My brother-in-law Tony was freaking out at this point. "WHY NOT THROW BALLS IN THERE? MAKE IT A BALL PIT!" They ended up on the ground and OLEG~! was awesome. He suddenly clamped on a kneebar, one of his specialties, for the submission.
119
120Oleg cut a loooooooong promo afterwards, basically saying although he was an actor he still loved the excitement of fighting, and he was very jealous of the guys able to fight in the tournament.
121
122They interviewed former WWE developmental star Ron Waterman, who looks NOTHING like he used to. I had no idea who it was.
123
1246. Alexey Oleynik vs. Chris Tuscherer in the semis. Tuscherer was still undefeated going into this one. He looked significantly larger than Alexey, who was making his US debut this evening. Chris got the takedown and laid on him for awhile. Alexey was trying to move around but Tucscherer dominated the positioning here. This continued until the one five-minute round ended. So Tuscherer is in the finals.
125
126Tuscherer said he couldn't wait to go three rounds in the finals. He was gasping for breath as he said this. This is incredible.
127
1287. Ricco Rodriguez vs. Travis Wiuff in the other semi. Travis tried a Superman punch and Peretti said, and I quote, "I don't like that jumping stuff." I DON'T LIKE THAT JUMPING STUFF. I am crying with laughter here. Wiuff took him down quickly and held him there. Well, you know what he said. If he got two takedowns he'd go to the finals. Ricco tried to get up but Wiuff wouldn't let him. Where is the ref to stand them up? Ricco on the DANGER ZONE was awesome because he was like a whale washed up on the beach. I'm trying to entertain myself here. Wiuff was holding on for dear life so Ricco couldn't escape. Ref finally stood them up at one minute left. Wiuff then fell down and claimed a shot to the nuts. The clock just kept running. That's nice. What a great way to stall out that last minute. They started again with 35 seconds left. Ricco threw some shots including the Superman that Peretti hates, but Wiuff took him down again and held him there until it was over.
129
130YAMMA 2 – June 21st.
131
1328. Pat Smith vs. Butterbean. Butterbean is FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN POUNDS. Yes, the New Jersey Commission OK'd this fight. My nephew Carlos was in the room during this fight. He is four. I said, "CARLOS, LOOK, LOOK AT THIS FAT FUC – I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS HUGE FAT MAN!" He looked. Tony, his father, then said, "That guy's fatter than daddy, huh?" And Carlos said, in a very matter-of-fact manner, "Yes." Then he added, "I think." Never, NEVER have I laughed so hard. Kids rule. Butterbean is an entire FOOT shorter than Big Show and only 30 pounds lighter. Smith is 240 and had a 14-13 record. The bean actually threw a leg kick early. THIS FIGHT RULES. How long before the Bean gasses? Pat was throwing with him. Butterbean's face was all bruised up and he looked like he was gassed within one minute. Suddenly, BUTTERBEAN FELL DOWN. He just fell down and Pat Smith jumped on him and started punching him. Butterbean was unable to get up, he was so round. He just rolled around with Pat on top of him. He was turning purple, which is usually bad. Pat continued to pound on him from the top. Apparently, the Bean finally tapped out. They said this was Pat's most technical fight ever. WHAT? This was monumental.
133
134"This is the worst show I've ever seen," said Tony's brother-in-law Jared.
135
136Smith cut a hilarious promo afterwards, just being a wacky, wacky man.
137
138I don't know how many people were here but the place was pitch black. This looked like less than 100, but it was so dark I have no idea.
139
1409. Travis Wiuff vs. Chris Tuscherer for the YAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP. Wiuff took him down almost immediately. WELL, THIS WAS HIS PLAN. Tuscherer foiled the plan by standing up. He landed a right hand. Wiuff, after his two boring-ass fights, is like the biggest heel in the world to me right now. BEAT THIS MAN, CHRIS, BEAT THIS MAN. Wiuff ended up on top in his guard. Ref finally got bored and stood them up, at which point Wiuff WAYLAID him with a shot. Tuscherer was in bad, bad shape, bleeding all over the place like a stuck pig, but he survived the final ten seconds. Crowd went nuts for that last 20 seconds. They checked his nose, talked to him during the break, and allowed him to continue. GO TUSCHERER! GO GO GO! They stood for a bit and Tuscherer wasn't afraid to trade with him, but then Wiuff took him back down. Ref stood them back up again. PUNCH HIM, TUSCHERER, PUNCH HIM. The best part of round two is that the timekeeper rang the bell 7 seconds before the end of the round. The crowd was deadly silent and even the announcers just stopped talking for a good 30 seconds or so. Tuscherer managed to bull him up against the DANGER ZONE for awhile there in the third, but then they were back on the feet. Tuscherer did all he could in the last 30 seconds but then that fucker Wiuff took him down again and "ate up the last few seconds", as the announcers said. BOO.
141
142So Travis Wiuff is THE TOUGHEST MAN IN THE YAMMA. Bob Meyrowitz was there to present him with the title afterwards. If I can say one good thing about this, it's that Wiuff came off as a major heel for the way he won this tourney and Tuscherer came off as a major fighting babyface, and although it would do approximately 10 buys, I'd be one of the ten who would like to see the babyface get his revenge in a rematch.
143
144
145In House Notes (bold, centered, underline)
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168
169News (bold underline center)
170
171WWE (bold underline center)
172Yes, Mike Knox did not in fact headline two weeks in a row. The whole thing seems to have largely blown over. His name wasn't on any of the steroids or GH bottles, so it's going to be tough to prove they were his, especially since three other wrestlers were living in the house at the time. The only real evidence they have is that it was BY HIS OTHER STUFF, which is hardly enough to prove anything. He insists it wasn't his and WWE believes him, so there you go.
173
174Although Batista is being booed in the HBK feud, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to be turning heel. Jericho likely is. Hunter will probably be turning at some point in the near future, but plans change with such regularity that anything can happen. The plan was for him to win the belt at WrestleMania, but then they figured that everyone knew the finishes of the top four matches and none of those finishes could be changed (Flair had to retire, Taker couldn't have his streak broken, and Mayweather likely contractually had to win). So they changed that to Orton winning. I would guess that Hunter wins the belt at Backlash, but who knows at this point. It would be odd to push AGE OF ORTON so hard if he was going to lose the belt three weeks later.
175
176Torrie on her Myspace wrote: "My health is doing OK as far as back problems. I must say there are days that I wake up and ask myself why the heck I put my body through what I did the last few years but it's all worth it. I can never trade all of the awesome experiences that I have had in the WWE and of course all of the great lifelong friends that I have made along the way. I have been told by 2 back surgeons that I should never set foot in a wrestling ring again if I want to be moving around in a few years on my own. Pretty depressing if you ask me. I don't even have some awesome memory of what my last match even was or who it was with. Hopefully, it was with Victoria and I beat her! I guess everything happens for a reason for sure." A few things. First, many doctors have told many people they should never wrestle again due to back injuries and the like, and they say that for a reason -- you don't want to tell someone they can wrestle again and then have that person suffer a horrible, horrible injury and file a lawsuit. Doctors are notoriously cautious. Second, and I don't want this to sound sexist, but some women simply may not be made for the day-to-day pounding of pro-wrestling. Some, like Mae Young, can seemingly go forever (far longer than almost all men, in fact), but there are a lot of very strong girls, girls who would kick the asses of normal men, who see their athletic careers end due to back injuries. I coach at a gymnastics academy and you would not believe the number of girls who suffer stress fractures and have to quit in their teens. It seriously seems like every girl I have ever known who has achieved a high level in gymnastics ended up suffering a stress fracture of the lower back. I think it has something to do with female physiology, which is different than that of men and not just in terms of sex organs and the like. The whole hip structure and center of gravity is different, and I think there is something about that which makes it harder for women's bodies to survive certain athletic endeavors. Plus, because women don't produce as much testosterone as men (well, unless they take drugs), they're not going to have the same degree of muscle mass as a man, including muscle in the upper and lower back and shoulders/neck that can help protect the spine and such when taking bumps. This is not to say AT ALL that women should not wrestle or cannot wrestle. But I do think that because of these issues they have to be more careful and certainly should not be thrown into the ring before they can properly take bumps. A guy who sucks is going to get banged up early on, but a girl who sucks may end up with far worse injuries doing the same stuff. I look at Velvet Sky for example and I presume that's a girl that will be out of this business with serious lower back and perhaps neck injuries in three or four years unless she learns how to take safer bumps.
177
178They're doing an angle on WWE.com where Deuce and Domino are continually burying Cherry. The idea is to likely split her off as a babyface, perhaps to go with the Redneck and the Reject, and then Maryse would end up with Deuce and Domino.
179
180Chris Nowinski's Sports Legacy Institute announced that it had heard from "anonymous professional wrestlers in World Wrestling Entertainment" that WWE management had instituted a concussion management program. "At a mandatory meeting for all performers in early March WWE performers took a computerized neuropsychological testing protocol, which evaluates such things as memory, cognitive skills, and reaction time. They will be re-tested aggressively every 6 months to look for long term issues, as well as re-tested after suspected concussions to help determine when it is safe to return to in-ring action. Nowinski heard conflicting reports of whether or not any concussion education was provided along with the baseline testing. One current wrestler told Chris that if it wasn't for recent concussion awareness efforts by organizations like the SLI, he still wouldn't know what a concussion is or why he took the test." The big question is what happens next? Say a wrestler is determined to have brain injuries and it would be in their best interests to no longer wrestle. What does WWE do? Do they force the man into retirement? Can they legally do such a thing? I ask because, as mentioned many times before, I know of at least two current WWE stars that have been diagnosed with enlarged hearts, and both those guys are still working regularly on the main roster. What is the point of the testing if nothing is done about it? To allow a man to make the decision about whether or not he will continue with a condition that could potentially affect him the rest of his life or lead to an early death?.
181
182Trish in an interview with the LAW said she is shooting a new show for CTV Travel and Discovery HD. Trish in HD = BUYS. She said she loved coming back on the 15th anniversary show because her and Lita had talked about it and agreed that as long as they could come back and do something short and fun and not be humiliated, they were down with it. She said they decided that if WWE tried to pull a fast one they were outta there, but that didn't happen and all was well. She said she was very busy between the travel show and her yoga studio that she's opening up, but if WWE ever approached her with the right story she'd think about coming back. She said she had seen a tape of a recent TNA PPV (probably the one with the first Kong/Gail match) and said she loved it, particularly what they were doing with the girls (letting them wrestle). She was down on Bunnymania since she would have preferred a wrestling match at WrestleMania. She said her back was feeling OK despite some lingering issues (yup, another one).
183
184ECW last week did a 1.26 rating and 1.7 million viewers.
185
186In an interview with TV Week, MyNet President Greg Meidel stated that Smackdown would continue to air on Fridays when it jumped to the network from CW in the fall. This makes no sense to me, but whatever. MNTV needs all the help it can get, and Thursday is usually the highest-rated night on TV. It would make more sense to put your show on that night, but they're opting to keep it on Friday instead. At least with CW, when they moved Smackdown to Friday they had something on Thursday that actually did better ratings than Smackdown had done. That's not going to happen with CW. Regarding WWE, Meidel said: "[Smackdown] really fits us like a glove. This is truly an opportunity for us to take a franchise that’s proven, that works, that attracts a large audience as the dominant force every Friday night, as it did prior to that on UPN. A lot of our affiliates, including most of our MyNetworkTV O&Os, were UPN affiliates. So they’re very aware and very knowledgeable of the strength of the brand and they have been involved and partnered with them in the past. And there’s the fact that it’s targeted at the same audience that we go after. We go after adults 18-49, and we do have a slight advantage with men. So, it really fits us perfectly. So we see it not only as an immediate franchise for us on Fridays but also as a promotional platform to promote what’s coming up the following week".
187
188The WWE international tour this week may end up being the most profitable in company history. They ran two shows per day all over Europe, and ticket prices were through the roof. Raw and Smackdown both did $1 million-plus gates, which is more than WCW ever made for any show ever including during the boom period. Merchandise is selling like crazy as well.
189
190Raw in Nottingham, England on the 19th was headlined by HHH beating Randy Orton via DQ after Orton used a belt shot. They also did an impromptu match with Regal, who was super over, against JBL. JBL won. I don't get it either. I guess the concept of letting the most popular guy on the show beat a geek is out of the question. Regal cut a promo afterwards saying he'd been wrestling for 25 years and one of these days he'd win a match in his hometown. Well, no time soon, buddy.
191
192Main in Spain (had to write that, Valencia to be exact) saw Taker & Show & Batista beat Edge & Mark Henry & Great Khali.
193
194Raw in Belfast had HHH beating Orton via DQ when Regal ran in and attacked him. OK. Hunter pedigreed him afterwards. Why they couldn't have flown Finlay and Hornswaggle over for this one I have no idea. Oh well. They'd probably have beaten him anyway.
195
196Raw in Liverpool on the 11th was headlined by Orton beating Regal to keep the title, and HHH & Jericho beating Snitsky & Umaga. Harry Smith is back on the road and is being pushed as THE CANADIAN BULLDOG, which is the name Al Barone of Derby City used to use when he was down working for CMLL in Mexico.
197
198Raw in Cardiff, Wales was headlined by Jericho & HHH beating Orton & Umaga in a very good match. They should have wrapped up Khali and had him wrestle as the CARDIFF GIANT.
199
200This coming week's Raw, as noted on the show this week, will be a three-hour show featuring a one-night King of the Ring tournament. So no draft. King of the Ring was always fun until they eventually dropped it from the PPV schedule, and with everyone live on the A-show we'll hopefully get some good stuff.
201
202Al Barone, a favorite of many Derby City Wrestling viewers including myself, is back working for the company again. He's also doing tryout matches for WWE in Toronto and Hamilton this May, as Santino wants to get him in as his bodyguard. For those that never got a chance to see Barone in DCW, all I have to say is that nothing could possibly be better than this duo.
203
204Speaking of DCW, Timmy Baltimore signed with WWE and is starting some role in about a week. He had his farewell party at DCW/OVW last week. Baltimore has been doing commentary since Derby City began and was eventually moved up to work OVW TV as well. He's amazingly good, and I remember the first time I ever heard him I thought, "Holy shit this guy is good." He is the 37th guy who came to DCW/OVW on his own with nothing and worked his way up to getting a contract with WWE.
205
206The OVW/DCW operation still seems to be doing all right. They're still taping OVW on Wednesday and DCW on Thursday, and Danny Davis is now taking the OVW guys out for spot shows while DCW is taping. He also busted out the cage and is taking that on the road as well. Nick Dinsmore (Eugene) is in working with the beginner class and Rip Rogers remains in charge of the advanced class. I believe there are more guys in the advanced class than there are guys under contract and working out at Florida Championship Wrestling right now. Rip has something like 60-plus guys. They're charging $2 per ticket for TV tapings (used to be free when WWE was paying them as developmental) and they're doing spot shows Wednesday through Sunday. If you can work all the shows, that's five shows a week and twenty dates a month, which is going to get you up to speed pretty damn quick. Roadkill is also working as a local promoter for shows around Kentucky.
207
208Dusty Rhodes has reported to Florida Championship Wrestling and is apparently getting rave reviews. He's very personable and wants to be there, and everyone loves working with him.
209
210Leave the Memories Alone, the theme for the end of Ric Flair's career, saw sales skyrocket 1000% that week and then 409% the week after.
211
212The Jet Nightclub at the Mirage, which hosted Floyd Mayweather's Birthday Bash, also gave him a new Rolls-Royce Phantom as a gift. Car is worth $350,000.
213
214Notes from a Santino interview with Jim Varsallone. He said he loved going into the ring at house shows and PPVs and going 20 minutes. That sounds horrifying. He said he loved grappling and smashing people and hoped that would soon become more a part of his character. One meeting Austin: "When I got there, Stone Cold hadn't been on for a while. When he came backstage and saw me, he thought I was a shoot from Italy and I was an Italian. He told me, `I love the character. I love everything you're doing.'" On Maria: "Anytime you get to kiss Maria, it's a good day on the job." I'll bet. He said they were very good friends, and I'm getting the impression that the stories of them as a legit couple may have been overblown. On the infamous incident where Jim Cornette slapped the shit out of him at OVW for apparently ruining the debut of the Boogeyman, he wrote: "I just got there to OVW. I was there for about a month. I didn't know anything about wrestling. I was sitting there, and my daughter was sitting in front of me, and the emergency doors were behind us. The Boogeyman turned toward us, and I thought he was going to scare my daughter for me. So I started smiling, thinking, `This is going to be good. He's going to scare my daughter.' I guess Jim Cornette thought I was laughing at the Boogeyman. He got all freaked out, brought me backstage and history happened. It didn't deter me for one second. If anything, it motivated me, and I have no hard feelings with him. I can look back and laugh at it now. At the time, I was just afraid of being kicked out and not having the chance to train. Maybe we can have a cage match one day and then shake hands. It worked out".
215
216Tickets for Raw in Monterrey on May 21st are sold out. Queretaro is only 50 percent sold, but the two Palacio de los Deportes shows have 60 percent of the tickets gone with only stands and balcony seats available.
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218Shane McMahon will be heading to all of the lucha shows to get a feel for the economy and see how business does overall. The talk of opening up various WWE territories around the world has died down a ton, but there is still lots of interest in doing something in Mexico.
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220Rey Misterio suffered an infection in his recently surgically-repaired biceps and was hurting so bad he couldn't do the WWE video game challenge on Mania weekend. We got a few reports from people who saw Rey at the bar a few times and apparently he was just snookered. He's not scheduled to be back until June. He was listed as appearing on the Mexico cards until the day they put tickets on sale, then he wasn't billed anymore. He'll appear live I'm sure, and I would guess if there is any way possible he will be returning to the ring there. The guy's crazy.
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222Read a great article about Great Khali (Dalip Singh Rana). It included a quote by Steve Carell, star of the film Get Smart which also features Khali. “He could put his hand over your entire head and crush you. He’s a very sweet guy, but he did not speak English really well. I don’t even know if he was completely aware that he was doing a movie.” The article claimed Khali was now "an icon across the United States". It talked about how before wrestling, his full-time job was crushing stone for local contractors. It said that he'd lobbied to go to Iraq for Tribute to the Troops last year and was turned down, which really disappointed him. They said he went to a map of India and prayed to it afterwards, asking for better luck this year and a chance to go. Khali said that people in America were "amused" to see him perform, which is one way to put it. He said he was happy with how he was doing and was getting offers from Hollywood types. He said he didn't live an extravagant life, staying at a "simple home" in Atlanta with his wife, Harminder Kaur, who is Punjabi. He said he didn't even have the money to buy a customized car that would fit his giant frame. The name Great Khali comes from the Indian goddess Khali, who "evokes the most fear" (it's actually Kali, the goddess of DEATH AND DESTRUCTION). The article also read, and I quote: "The WWE brochure says, The Great Khali has traversed the Himalayas, fought with tigers and ruled the earth like a giant savage before descending on the WWE." I MUST HAVE THIS BROCHURE. Khali said that story was absurd, and that he was a vegetarian (!), non-smoker and non-drinker. His interpreter said Khali had a heart of gold, and when he was home he would roam the streets and find homeless people that he would serve dinner to.
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224Khali will apparently be returning to India on April 26th for at least a month, so I don't know what that means for the Khali/Show feud. Khali is back on the show this week after last week's KO angle, so maybe next week Show will destroy him and send him packing for a month. Basically, Khali was on the police force and has to return here or there and check in. In another article, it said his parents were both short, but his grandfather was 6'6". He has seven brothers and sisters and he's third oldest. When he was growing up he was too poor to do much schooling and quickly went into rock breaking, then bodybuilding (he had quite the incredible physique for a seven-footer), the police force and finally wrestling. The article said whenever he was home he never had any problem stopping to sign autographs for anyone. "Dalip Singh also is a simpleton and never brags about his stature," the article read. Poor choice of words there.
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226The WrestleMania DVD will have the entire show (on two DVDs) including the battle royal, and the complete Hall of Fame (disc 3). They're not putting the Flair retirement stuff on there, so that will likely end up on the new Flair disc that comes out in July. Going to be a gigantic year for DVD sales, I'll tell you that.
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228Speaking of Flair, he wasn't on Secret Talents of the Stars and now you'll never see him because the show did a 2.9 overnight rating and was immediately cancelled.
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230Raw last week did a 3.32 rating with a 1.99 in persons 18-49, a 2.64 in males 18-49, and 4.7 million viewers. It skewed 68% male with a median age of 36. Because so many people use DVRs these days, the "real" number is closer to a 3.68.
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232The mystery man on ECW last week who attacked Kane was Justin LaRouche, who had spent the past few years in OVW.
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235TNA
236You'll be stunned, but after all the talk from Kurt Angle about a match with Randy Couture being signed, sealed and delivered for this fall, Couture told Gary Herman of CBSSports that it was not a done deal at all and merely speculative at this point. "I’m not too worried about it either way," Randy said. "When it is signed on the dotted line and it can really be a reality then I will definitely start training and getting myself into top grappling shape, sharpening all those tools for a match with him.” He said obviously the biggest hurdle right now was trying to get out of his UFC contract so that he could fight elsewhere (or, in this case, do a no-striking pure grappling match). He said he wasn't going to lose sleep over the fight either way, and if it happened it happened. He said he loved doing the Jacare match a few years back (which is what compelled him to return to UFC as a full-time fighter after his retirement) and that it would be a blast to have a match with Kurt.
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238Nobody was hurt badly at the PPV although Angle was all banged up from his match with Joe. We're told it was nothing serious, although it once again shows that working a stiff fake pro-wrestling match is much harder on the body than MMA. He's been doing MMA training for months and never ended up in the shape he was in after the Joe deal. He also may have suffered a concussion during the match, and I know that when I saw him take the power bomb that's what I figured happened. His head bounced off the canvas and that looked nasty. He ended up at the hotel after the show with icepacks all over, and the people inside gave him a standing ovation.
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240The go home show for TNA did a 1.00 rating with an 0.71 in males 18-49, an 0.48 in persons 18-49, an 0.79 in males 18-34, and 0.65 in males 18-24, and 1.3 million viewers. Quarters were 1.01, 0.93, 0.93, 0.99, 1.10, 1.02, 1.02 and 0.97. Not good to see such a drop, but on the bright sides, that's still 1.3 million viewers and if they converted even 2% of them to buyers that's still way bigger than most recent buyrates. Convert 5% of them and you're looking at a new record. Of course, conversion of TV viewers to buyers has not been TNA's strong point, but this was a much better go-home show than usual so we'll see.
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243UFC
244Well, it didn't drop below a 1.0 like I predicted, but TUF this week was down to a 1.16 rating and 1.4 million viewers. It did a 1.59 in males 18-49, an 0.98 in persons 18-49 and a 2.01 in males 18-34. Quarters were 1.02, 1.17, 1.17 and 1.27.
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246Don't forget UFC in Montreal (biggest crowd and gate in company history) this weekend with Georges St. Pierre vs. Matt Serra for the middleweight title. The Countdown show, which I'm told is just awesome, airs all this week on Spike so check your local listings.
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248As of 3:42 PM on April 14th (they're very specific about this sort of thing), Sean Sherk had fully complied with the terms of his disciplinary action and was released from suspension by the California State Athletic Commission. Had this not happened he wouldn’t have been able to fight BJ Penn late next month. He was originally suspended on July 7th for failing a test for nandrolone, which he vehemently and ridiculously denied (it's not ridiculous that he denied it, but the lengths he went to do so were absurd that they made him come across as guilty). Dana White waited a long time before basically being forced to strip him of the title (he believed Sherk when he said he never took anything), and BJ Penn ended up winning the title. Sherk's first match off suspension will be with Penn for the belt, which has been criticized as a poor way to teach a guy a lesson about failing a drug test. Probably best that guys coming off drug test failures should have to win a few fights before being put back in the title picture, unless there is a preponderance of evidence that they were fucked over by the drug testing, which is not the case with Sherk. The CSAC has made a point to go out of its way to verify nandrolone failures ever since his deal went down, and there has yet to be any sort of false positive or anything of that nature. The bottom line is that his nandrolone levels were listed as being very high because they were very high. He claimed a tainted supplement and his only evidence was ONE PILL in a bottle of supplements that contained SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT NANDROLONE. That's the best he could come up with. Long story short, he either took nandrolone, in which case he deserved to fail, or he took something that spiked his nandrolone levels, which, like it or not, is a failure because you're responsible for everything you put in your body, even over-the-counter stuff.
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250Georges St. Pierre did an interview and stated that he always went in and trained with guys better than him. He worked with better boxers, better wrestlers, better jiu-jitsu guys, etc., because "when you train with people who are better than you, it keeps challenging you. By challenging me it makes me better. It makes you better develop your skills than someone who is always training with the same people over and over again. I have a very good team." He said he'd go in with a wrestler and try to play their game, and that the key was to "train in every single discipline with the best guys". He said he trained six days a week, twice a day, and that was when he WASN'T preparing for a fight. He said he did a lot of specialized training during that period, and when it was time to prepare for a fight he'd move to MMA training about a month out. He said he trained boxing, wrestling, Muay Thai and jiu-jitsu and did sprinting and strength conditioning as well. This is how a man trains.
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252Ultimate Fighter this week did a 1.16 rating with a 1.59 in males 18-49, an 0.98 in persons 18-49, a 2.01 in males 18-34, and 1.4 million viewers. Still managed to beat the go-home show for TNA, though that number is not good. Generic fights with guys nobody knows, many of which are clipped, is not a recipe for good numbers. The last two shows were fun because of one brutal knockout and the comedy of Forrest, Quinton and Dana, but if you take those three out what makes this show any different from IFL Battleground, which nobody watches? The shows need to concentrate on personalities from this point forward to make people care about what's going on and want to see the fights. The hardcores are buying the PPVs no matter what. TV needs to focus on hooking the casuals. Quarters were 1.02, 1.17, 1.17 and 1.27.
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254About 250 fighters showed up for the TUF 8 tryouts this week. They're whittling them down to 25 and the final selection process will begin later this week in Las Vegas. The next season starts filming in May and debuts on December 17. They're looking for 155 and 205-pounders.
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256Randy Couture, who is still technically UFC Heavyweight Champion, signed a sponsorship deal with Everlast. He can only wear their fight apparel for all his no fights.
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260Other MMA
261It's not signed yet, but Fedor Emelianenko said he had agreed to a July 19th fight with Tim Sylvia in Dallas, which would be the first show run by the new Affliction group. Keep in mind they have no weekly TV and the plan isn't even to run this on PPV but rather on HDNet. Fedor will want $2 million and the total price tag for talent will be in the $4 million range. How they think they're going to make money is a complete and total mystery to me. We'll have more next week, but the Pro Elite (EliteXC) filing came out the day we went to press and revealed that they'd lost $27,584,500 in 2007. TWENTY SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS. And that's with Showtime. YAMMA, Affliction and everyone else needs to take note.
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263Iron Ring continues to do great numbers on BET, averaging about an 0.8 rating with 900,000 viewers. Keep in mind that Ultimate Fighter is doing 1.4 million, so the difference in viewers is roughly the difference between TNA doing a 1.0 and a 1.2. There is no reason an indy MMA show on BET should be doing close to the numbers of UFC's only first-run prime-time program on Spike TV. The reality is that both have no-name fighters, and the hip-hop celebrities on the BET show are big enough stars that they single-handedly are almost drawing the ratings that UFC is doing for a show with a popular brand-name and seven-season history.
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265Strikeforce TV started this Saturday night. It's supposed to air at 2:00 AM, but I know that in Chicago and San Jose it aired at 4:00 AM (and the San Jose one is funny since that's the homo of Strikeforce). We were told by a source within Seattle's KING-5 that the show would not air because the program director was appalled at the content. One of our readers, who did not live in Seattle but had heard about the story, e-mailed KING-5 for more and got this official response: "Actually, it has nothing to do with the show’s content. Strikeforce is replacing a show called In Wine Country which we currently don’t air since our overnight schedule is already full. Prior to In Wine Country, it was Reel Talk, which we weren’t clearing either. So it doesn’t matter what NBC chooses to replace In Wine Country with – KING wouldn’t be clearing it. If you live on the east coast, why are you concerned about what programs are shown in Western Washington? We program our station for viewers in the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett market." Well. I'm told the program director is appalled, but if NBC required them to air the show they'd obviously air it. No idea how many other markets are bumping it or airing it at 4:00 AM, but I would guess a good number of them. I didn't see the first show, obviously, but was told by one person that "it's better than I thought it would be".
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267John Sassone was suspended last week in California before he even fought. He was supposed to compete on the Roy Englebrecht Promotions show on April 13th but refused to submit to a test for drugs of abuse. Refusing to take the test means automatic failure, so he was fined $2,500 and must appear before the CSAC prior to getting cleared to compete again in the future.
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269Ariel Helwani did an interview with Phil Baroni and Phil went a little nutty. He was asked about his last fight, where he ended up losing the ICON Sport Middleweight title to Kala Hose. He said after getting into the ring for the first time after a long layoff, "I felt like shit after about four minutes. I was out of shape (and) I didn't train for seven months. (It's) nobody's fault but my own. Oh well, I made a mistake. Fuck it, I'll take it out on Ninja. Poor Ninja." Ariel asked if he was happy with his performance against Hose and Baroni asked if he was retarded. "What the fuck do you think?" He was asked if he wanted a rematch: "Fuck yeah. I'll fight anybody anytime, especially that guy. No hard feelings, Kala (Hose) is a nice kid. But I owe him an ass-kicking. And that Icon belt ain't too shabby. Fuck, I love Hawaii -- sign me up." And his thoughts on Kimbo? "He is a big, black, tough motherfucker. Could it be anymore obvious?"
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272Other Wrestling
273Former ECW promoter Tod Gordon announced this week that he is retiring from wrestling. He had been running the PWU indy group of late. He said a member of his family was gravely ill and it would require all of his time and financial resources, which would leave him without the time and energy to continue promoting. "It’s been 20 blessed years in this business surrounded by top notch quality talent both in front of and behind the camera. I will miss each and every one of them along with all of you fans who supported me so faithfully." He said they had made a deal with the former ECW Arena to keep running shows on the third Saturday of every month, and that most of the former PWU guys would continue to be used. He said the new promotion would debut on May 17th, and then the third Saturday in June would be a combo show/New Alahambra Hardcore Hall of Fame ceremony. John Kashmere will be promoting.
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275A source who cannot be named wrote in with this: "As someone who worked with Tracy Smothers occasionally over the last few years, this may be interesting to you. Smothers first came to Britain around the time of the second ECW One Night Stand, at a time where it was thought that lots of ex-ECWers had a chance of getting a job with WWE. So in preparation for this, he went on the gas for the first time in ages. During this first tour (early 2006) he was a nice guy but really out of it; he'd introduce himself to you multiple times having forgotten he'd already done it, go 45 minutes in the ring because he felt like it, occasionally fly into rages, not remember things he was told and the like. He'd also party very hard, with lots of booze, pills and smokeables. Saying that, though, he came back late last year not on anything - and was completely lucid, more of a 'team player', still drinking but nothing else, calm, collected, intelligent, well spoken (after a fashion) and always ready to tell people how their matches went, sit down and talk with people before shows, lay out everything and generally be a productive member of a locker room. At one show he sat at the back of the hall and watched every match, so if people asked him about the show he could have actual opinions, and he seemed really happy that he was still in the business, and also that people valued his opinion on things. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but it might be. It's not sleaze for sleaze's sake, just thought it might help with the recent 'Tracy is ABOUT TO DIE' stuff. Maybe he's back on the juice, or maybe this ex is taking what he was like back in the day and applying it to now. Fuck knows".
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277Speaking of Smothers, he was randomly drug tested before a wrestling show in Kentucky this week, found to have been smoking marijuana, and suspended. He can't wrestle again in the state until he appears before their control board.
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279Paul Heyman told Alex Marvez this week that he was having a great time doing his new Heyman Hustle show and had zero desire to return to pro-wrestling. I am sure he isn't keen on coming back, but I always wonder how anyone who loves wrestling as much as he does could have zero desire to ever come back. "I absolutely believe I can out-book anyone in the industry today, but it's a one-brand business right now. That brand runs differently than the type of writing and mechanisms that I use. I have no bitterness about the wrestling industry. I've lived out every dream and had the time of my life. But it wasn't fun any more. My time was up".
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281Remember when Italy was so hot? Well, now the boom has moved to Spain, and the same promotion that took advantage of Italy, Nu Wrestling Evolution, is taking advantage of Spain. They've got huge shows on April 19th and 20th, and June 12th and 15th. Lots of guys coming in including Rikishi, who were super hot in Italy, Booker T, the former Chris Masters, Ultimo Dragon and Juvie.
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283CIMA announced on his Myspace that Dragon Gate would be running shows in LA and Honolulu in September of this year. I wonder if they'll fly in a bit early and work BOLA in LA for PWG, which takes place the last weekend in August. No other show details yet.
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285Bret Hart in an interview with the UK Sun said when he was champion the WWE was steroid-free and it was the last "truly great period in wrestling." He said the wrestlers were all really content and there was harmony in the dressing room. Regarding the steroid problem, he said: "All I can say is that if the WWE really wants to eradicate steroids from wrestling, they can do it like they did before. Have legitimate testing and put penalties in place and take it from there. I know that wrestling was drug free - at least the WWF was drug free. Ironically, it was the same week that they screwed me in Montreal that they screwed up the drug testing policy. From that point on, all these wrestlers got much bigger." I think his timeline is off by a few years. For sure Shawn Michaels was gigantic leading up to and after Montreal, at points being bigger than HHH if you can even believe that today. It was around late 1995 and early 1996 that physiques started to turn around since WCW, which had no drug testing, was starting to take off with Nitro. I guess they could have stopped testing around the time of Montreal, but they certainly weren't enforcing testing in 1995 and 1996 unless someone was about to leave the company (Scott Hall failed tests and nothing ever happened until he announced he was leaving for WCW, at which point he was immediately suspended). Regarding making that brief appearance on Vince McMahon Appreciation Night, he said: "I don’t know why I did it. I guess I wanted to show that I could bury the hatchet, that I could have some fun with it. I think at the time I was trying to get permission from the WWE for some pictures to use in my book. I thought that if I didn’t do it or if I don’t show that I’m not going to co-operate I might not get them. I thought I could have some fun with it and not take it too seriously." He said he had no plans of being on TV again, and that it was scary how some people perceived that this meant he was coming back to wrestling. He said he would have loved to have worked with Angle, Rey Misterio and Big Show.
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287Here's a weird one. Someone wrestled an indy show in Northern California this week as Chico Alvarez, and in the results it specifically added "(Bryan Alvarez)". I have no idea who this man was. I did wrestle this weekend, but it was in Tulalip, WA which is a long, long way from Northern California. This man also did the job, which further proves it is not me since I LAY DOWN FOR NOBODY. And that includes Larry Sweeney on April 25th in Pittsburgh.
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290CMLL
291CMLL at Arena Mexico on April 11th before 12,850 fans featured a ceremony featuring the CMLL STARS OF 1975, which is the year I was born. These stars were El Leon Negro, Las Estrellas Blancas I y II, Tony Lopez (the original La Sombra), La Saeta Azteca, and Manuel Robles. Main event was a return grudge match with Los Perros del Mal (Hijo del Perro Aguayo & Averno & Mephisto) beating Mistico & Marco Corleone & Hector Garza in 15:42. Perro bloodied up Mistico and pinned him with the double footstomp to take fall one. Second fall saw Mephisto pin Garza and Averno pin Mistico. Talk about putting super heat on the heels. Mistico and Garza are the current World Tag Team Champions and the bad guys beat them clean in two straight falls. Wow. They demanded a title match for this coming week. It is believed by most that the main event of the September 75th Anniversary Show will be Mistico vs. Perro in a mask vs. hair match, which needs to be run in a bullring or something like that because that's about as big a match as you're going to get anytime soon.
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293Tuesday at Arena Mexico before 4,000 fans (geek shows, small crowds) saw Shocker & Negro Casas & Alex Koslov beat Mr. Aguila & Terrible & Damian 666 via DQ for excessive violence by the rudos. Semi-main was Axel & Sagrado & Maximo vs. Virus & Sangre Azteca & Olimpico.
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295For no logical reason, the AP carried -- in the TOP WORLD NEWS area -- a 164-word story about how wacky Maximo of CMLL is. Yes. It claimed he was "Mexican professional wrestling's latest sensation". It also claimed lucha libre was the "inspiration for the World Wrestling Federation", whatever that means. They had a quote from him: "It's kind of hard playing this part, no? Especially because the sport is about being tough, rude and violent. But as long as the public loves us, we'll be there." Maximo is actually straight and married to female wrestler India Sioux.
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298AAA
299AAA taped TV on April 10th in Toluca with Mr. Niebla & Psicosis & Histeria beating Super Porky (replacing Chessman) & Charly Manson & Absimo Negro. The story was that Negro refused to work with his partners, choosing instead to team up on Porky and help pin him. Afterwards they cut backstage and there was another Abismo Negro all tied up. Yes, he has an EVIL TWIN, and the evil twin is named BLACK ABYSS, which would be "Abismo Negro" in Spanish. Anyway, good Abismo blamed his capture on Niebla, who pretended like he had no idea what was going on. Main was Mesias & Dark Ozz & Dark Escoria beating Kenzo Suzuki & Zorro & Electro Shock via DQ when Cibernetico ran in and attacked Mesias.
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301La Parka has been told if he doesn't take it easy he may lose the use of his arm. He has major shoulder problems and has come back too early as all luchadors are wont to do. He did state point blank to the press that he was coming back but wouldn't be doing much in the ring. He said they told him he should have taken an additional YEAR off.
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303The Psycho Circus of Evil Clowns is still doing the win stream gimmick. Oddly enough, they got up to 100-0, and now no matter how many times they win they're still at 100-0. No one knows what's going on. It's not getting over either. I'd guess it's similar to WCW's win streaks. The Goldberg streak worked huge because the win streak was real, meaning they didn't fake the numbers and fans could keep track by paying close attention. Later, Sid did a streak and they made up numbers, and fans didn't care one bit at that point. There has been a lot of padding with the clowns.
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306ROH
307ROH ran in Boston on Friday night. Erick Stevens won a four-way over Roderick Strong, Generico and Rocky Romero to win a shot at Nigel McGuinness later. Yes, Erick Stevens. No more absurd than Tyler Black I guess. Chasyn Rance of FIP beat Mike Bennett. Rance got good reviews here. Eddie Edwards beat Jigsaw. Larry Sweeney came out after the match and offered him a spot in Sweet & Sour Enterprises and Edwards accepted. Jack Evans & Jigsaw actually beat the Briscoes when Jack pinned Jay. Really. Guess they were setting up some title contenders for down the road. Jack and Mark did a dance contest to open this baby up which I MUST SEE. They did an angle where Sweeney tried to recruit both Sara Del Ray and Daizee Haze, which failed, and that led to Claudio & Delirious & Pelle Primeau beating Chris Hero & Brent Albright & Larry Sweeney in an elimination match. It sucked for the girls because they were about to have a match when Sweeney interrupted and then apparently the match never took place. Claudio pinned Albright, by the way. Davey Richards beat Kota Ibushi of Dragon Gate with a kimura. Said to be the best match of the night. Ibushi didn't get the reaction that some of the other Dragon Gate guys have gotten, but he won everyone over with his work and people were raving about him when the weekend was over. Nigel beat Stevens in an OK match to retain the title. Main saw Kevin Steen, who was getting a title shot the next night, beating Necro Butcher with a sharpshooter as Necro was tangled up in a barbed wire board. Your usual insane Butcher match. Said to be a good show.
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309Saturday night was Edison, NJ. Generico beat Jack Evans with a brainbuster. Nigel McGuinness came out after the match and buried Generico's partner Steen, who he was facing in the main event. He attacked Generico and Steen made the save. Jigsaw beat Mitch Franklin. This is no joke, but I have yet to get a single ROH show report that Jigsaw was on that didn't say he needed to put his mask back on. Chris Hero & Eddie Edwards beat Erick Stevens & Pelle Primeau. A match of guys whose look has not been changed for the better. Stevens got his Mohawk cut off recently and apparently he's not in the Jigsaw boat. Edwards also did the WWE haircut gimmick and is said to look exactly like Davey Richards, who a lot of people have said looks exactly like Roderick Strong. Brent Albright beat Delirious. Apparently Bobby Dempsey has been kicked out of Larry Sweeney's group (must be a misunderstanding) and Albright told Sweeney to head to the back before the match started. Trouble in paradise. He ran out afterwards and demanded Albright break Delirious' arm. Daizee Haze, who they appear to be pairing with Delirious, made the save. Sweeney wanted Albright to break her arm too, but Albright refused and argued with Sweeney to the back. Necro Butcher beat Roderick Strong in a no-DQ match. Necro took all his usual super hard chairshots, so the concussion stuff has fallen on a few deaf ears. Erick Stevens ran out for the finish and put Strong through a table leading to the pin. That feud must continue. FIP Title wasn't on the line. Claudio Castagnoli beat Kota Ibushi with the Riccola bomb. Semi-main was Nigel beating Steen. Nigel was super over as a heel and the people loved Steen. Nigel won using the ropes and Steen went nuts with anger afterwards. After the match, Claudio hit the ring and demanded a title shot against Nigel at the Hammerstein Ballroom supershow. Nigel said no, you're just a MIDCARD JOBBER. HA~! Main was Briscoes beating Davey Richards & Roderick Strong to regain the ROH Tag Team Titles. The big story here was that either Richards or Strong left their belt at the Friday show thinking the ring crew would pick it up, and the ring crew forgot. So they only had one belt here and Gabe was not happy. Luckily they later found the other one. We're told the match didn't get over for whatever reason and there was almost no pop at all for the title change. Crowd apparently sucked for a lot of the show, though.
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311Davey Richards suffered a stinger on Saturday night during the Briscoes match.
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313Austin Aries missed the weekend shows with some sort of head injury. He's apparently getting better and should be back in action soon. No word on whether he'll be ready for Chicago and Detroit this coming week, though.
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315DVDs of the WrestleMania weekend shows should be available soon, perhaps by the time you read this.
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317Dixie Carter was at the ROH shows this weekend. Not much to it. They didn't discuss business or anything like that, and in fact when her and her crew showed up they paid to get in. She's on good terms with the ROH crew and was probably scouting for folks to eventually bring in. Of course, most of the names she'd want to bring in are under ROH contract and wouldn't be available.
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320Vinny's DVD Review and Karaoke Showcase
321
322Vinny Does Orlando: March 28, 2008, Part II
323I am writing this at 1:39 a.m., Tuesday morning, April 15. It is snowing outside. Less than 72 hours ago, I was enjoying the first sunny Saturday of the year. It was 80 degrees, and I was at the beach. Hot girls in bikinis were playing volleyball. Children were frolicking in the sea. Europeans were walking around in way too little clothing. Black folk were dancing atop moving, unmanned cars. It was like everyone in Seattle went to the beach at once, and it was crowded and noisy, and traffic was nightmarish, and yet everyone was happy. Now, it is snowing. This is BULLSHIT. Anyway, Orlando.
324
325Before Bryan arrived at our hotel on Friday afternoon, he sent a message to ask if anyone knew how to get to Smokey Bones barbecue, where we were having a meet-n-greet with the loyal subjects of the Empire. I pulled out the Google map I had prepared for the trip, with Smokey Bones clearly displayed, and alerted Bryan that I had known how to get there for weeks. He replied with the following text, which I am not making up: “You are smarter than I.” Mere hours later, we would both regret every word of this conversation.
326
327Bryan had to fight traffic to get to our hotel, and thus was late getting there, then was late finding our room. Craig and I eventually got tired of waiting for him, so we got in the car and started it, and as soon as we saw him walk around the corner, we demanded he jump in. This turned out to be a grievous error, the first of many. Bryan assumed we were going to barbecue, then back to the hotel, then to Ring of Honor. This would have been a terrible plan, because the ROH show and Smokey Bones were on the same street in downtown Orlando, while our hotel was 25 miles south in Kissimmee. But Bryan did not know that. He did not discover this plan, in fact, until we were stuck in Orlando-bound traffic. For reasons I have neither the time nor the privilege to discuss, Bryan was forced to return to Kissimmee (in Craig’s rental car!) between Smokey Bones and ROH, missing the first (and best) part of the wrestling show and committing traffic violations along the way. Though we were all to blame for this communications snafu, I am sorry for the part I played in his woes.
328
329It took us a long time to reach Orlando. It was, after all, rush hour on a Friday afternoon. We were driving north on Interstate 4. Note that I say “north.” I-4 cuts through Orlando from southwest to northeast, but crosses much more distance in latitude than in longitude. In fact, there is one stretch that runs due north/south for 5 miles or more. Still, all exits to and from this road referred to its direction as EAST and WEST, and this managed to confuse us EVERY SINGLE TIME.
330
331The minutes ticked away as we neared Orlando. According to the MAP I had produced, we wanted to reach Highway 408, then head west. We neared an exit that appeared to be a shortcut, leading to 408 toward where we wanted to be anyway. But I was unsure of where this path lead, and I told Craig to stay on the freeway.
332
333About 15 minutes later, we had arrived on 408 and turned west, and of course passed the other end of the shortcut we should have taken. This was the first time everyone correctly called me a moron. Regardless, we were now headed west! As we should be! Then we drove and drove and drove and drove and drove and drove and drove and drove. Eventually it dawned on us that not only had we certainly long passed where Smokey Bones should have been, but we had remained on a highway the entire time, with no turnoffs to any kind of restaurant available. Clearly, something was awry. I later was able to piece together my mistake. Smokey Bones was not on 408, it was on Colonial Drive, which runs parallel to and just north of 408. However, my MAP was zoomed out to such a degree that these two roads actually overlapped. We quickly found Colonial Drive and headed back the way we came.
334
335I must now explain Colonial Drive. It’s a fairly unremarkable street in a major city, five lanes, passing through strip malls, car lots, other businesses of all sort. On the east side of I-4, it is known as EAST Colonial Drive; this is where ROH was. On the west side of I-4, it is known as WEST Colonial Drive, and this is where we were searching for Smokey Bones. I have to bring this up, you see, because after driving eastward, ever eastward, we eventually crossed I-4 and began traveling along EAST COLONIAL DRIVE. We had certainly not seen Smokey Bones, so we turned around and tried again. And again. And again. Each time, we were met with failure, and responded by cursing each other and damning ourselves to hell. I could not comprehend this. I checked the MAP, and sure enough, there was a blue pointy thing on West Colonial about a half-dozen miles west of I-4. And if the blue pointy thing was there, then that is where Smokey Bones MUST BE.
336
337We were now quite, quite late for our engagement, and were starting to not care. Just as we were starting to look somewhere else for dinner (did I mention that we were all starving?), Bryan’s phone rang. An interesting phenomenon took place, as Bryan sprang into BIZNISS mode. Seconds earlier, he had been violent, sweaty, furious, enraged, like a rat on crack, yet when he picked up the phone, like a light switch, he was perky, friendly and attentive. So it’s official, he’s schizophrenic. The caller at the other end heard we were lost and told us we needed to go LEFT on Colonial Drive. This was intriguing, for the voice on the other end of the phone did not know where we were on Colonial, nor which way we were heading. The caller did not seem to understand the concepts of east and west, but Bryan was finally able to discern from him we wanted to go AWAY FROM THE SUN. And so we drove on. East, to East Colonial. This meant that my MAP was an EPIC FAIL.
338
339Now, to recap. I had slept three hours Wednesday night. I had then woken up to fly to Orlando, and not slept again until I got to nap at the airport in Orlando, then nap again at the hotel room. So between waking up Wednesday morning and at this point on Friday afternoon, I had slept a total of six hours, only three of them in a bed. I had spent a lot of time and money getting to Orlando, and now I was hungry, frustrated and sleep-deprived. And at this point, I broke. I just started throwing things all over the car. My wallet, my phone, sunglasses, papers, any money I had lying around, I grabbed it and threw it to the floor of the car as hard as I could.
340
341Eventually my childish tantrum died and I leaned against the window in silence. I took several deep breaths. After a while I was ready to speak. By that time the conversation had moved on to other matters, but I wanted to talk about me. “You know why I get so upset?” I asked. It was clear from their response that they didn’t care, but they were going to hear it anyway. You see, this was all so distressing to me because I had TRIED, I had really TRIED, my ABSOLUTE HARDEST, to ensure that this exact scenario would not occur. And now, despite my best efforts, we were lost in Orlando. This is why I am an underachieving slacker: Because the more I try, at anything, it seems the more likely I am to fail, and it’s certain that I take failure harder. Whereas if I half-ass something, it seems to come together as often as not, and if it doesn’t work, who cares?.
342
343And then I was reminded of something I had heard a week prior. My mother had found a recording her grandfather had made on a wire, on a COPPER WIRE, as he was dying of cancer. This is technology that I had not even been aware of. He eventually passed away when my mother was two. Mom had taken this wire and actually found someone who could not only play it, but transfer it to CD. And over dinner, we had listened to part if it. I heard my great-grandfather, who died long before I was born, sing a song about the Polar Bear Man. Run, run, run from the Polar Bear Man, he sang. Best I can tell, Polar Bear Man was a terrifying creature with huge fangs and sharp claws who attacked children lost in the snow. This song was apparently sung to my mother and her siblings, which perplexes me, because the song is utterly horrifying. How these children slept at night, I’ll never know. Regardless, my great-grandfather sang this long, long song, repeating the chorus dozens of times, then finished, set down his guitar and spoke into the recorder. He apologized for playing a guitar that was out of tune, but said he had done his best. Then he said life was like that sometimes, like an instrument that wasn’t tuned correctly, but there was nothing to do but try our best. I took comfort in those words. My great-grandfather was a wise man.
344
345By the grace of God, we arrived at Smokey Bones. Turns out there were TWO Smokey Bones in the vicinity, and we had been searching for the wrong one. I could deal with that, but I still couldn’t deal with the fact that we NEVER DID FIND this incorrect Smokey Bones. At that point, it mattered little. Inside there was meat and drink! I stomped out of the car, blowing by Larry Zbyszko (seriously, Larry Zbyszko was in the parking lot, talking about Christ knows what) and into the restaurant.
346
347My memories of Smokey Bones are, sadly, hazy. My adrenaline spike had not worn off yet, and in fact I was still rarin’ to go until we got back to the hotel hours later. I met a ton of people, and I won’t list them here because I know I will leave off the majority, and I don’t want to offend anyone. But they were all swell. I know I got the rib combo, and I remember that the baby back ribs were the superior offering. I remember being bought one free beer, then audaciously and obnoxiously getting a second one by pointing out that my bottle was empty and I needed more. This was exploitation of my audience to the ultimate degree. Also, I have photographic evidence of myself REALLY, REALLY enjoying some donuts for dessert.
348
349We left from there to Ring of Honor. We got lost again. I hate Orlando. With telephone help, we arrived at the building, where I was a dick to someone I should not have been a dick to, and for that I apologize again, but, well, that was my day. After the show, which has since been covered elsewhere in great detail, we journeyed back to our hotel, where I stumbled in and embraced my inflatable mattress. To this point, I had spent hundreds of dollars and nearly two full days in transit for a few hours of fun, and I was hating this vacation. Thankfully, things would turn around with the dawn.
350
351
352TV/DVD Reviews
353
354ECW
355CM Punk v. Miz. John Morrison was there doing commentary. They had a very basic match early, working the headlock, etc. Punk got distracted by Nitro so Miz bonked him off the apron. I remember when the old days when a heel would distract a babyface in a dastardly manner, such as tripping him or something like that. Nowadays, the babyfaces are just stupid, getting distracted for no good reason. Morrison didn't do anything, he was sitting there and Punk just stopped wrestling to look at him. Punk quickly made a comeback and this time Morrison actually got up on the apron to distract him. Miz hit a big clothesline off the distraction, but it was just a nearfall. Ref kicked Morrison out. It appeared people were booing. Miz went to work again. Punk made a comeback but Miz kept cutting him off. They lost the crowd until Punk finally hoisted him up for the GTS, which they popped huge for. This was fine.
356
357Colin went into MR. ESTRADA'S office and asked if he could get a contract. Estrada said he was too busy for this. Tommy Dreamer suddenly piped in saying Colin didn't ask him to GIVE him a contract, he asked him for a way to EARN it. So Estrada said fine, it's Dreamer vs. Colin tonight. But there's more, he said. If Dreamer even thought about going easy on him he was finished. Therefore, he said, the stips were that if Colin won he got a contract, but if Dreamer lost he was fired.
358
359Estrada in mid-ring called out Chavo and Kane for the official Backlash contract signing. Chavo had Those Edge Guys with him. Kane went first. As he was about to sign Chavo grabbed the mic and asked if he was sure he wanted to do that. You sign that contract, he said, and you're signing away the title. Kane said HA HA HA. He said you sound awfully cocky for a geek who lost the title in 8 seconds. Chavo said you cheated. "I guarantee you at Backlash you won't be able to do that. At Backlash, I'm going to have somebody watching MY BACK." Suddenly, out came a mystery man who Tazz referred to as "a big dude". He was a bald man with a beard in a suit. He distracted Kane, allowing Chavo to attack him. The new dude then grabbed the title belt and clonked Kane with it. Bad guys stretched him out on a table and Chavo put him through with a frog splash. So no one signed the contracts? A fine little angle putting a bit of heat on a match no one cares about. I should note that Kane had some scratches on his head as if he'd been busted up hardway by the belt shot.
360
361Elijah Burke vs. Nunzio. You mean to tell me Elijah is actually going to win a match? He came out looking not very happy, won a quick squash match, then continued frowning. He had the look on his face that I have every time I see him treated like shit on this show, or whenever I watch a bad Impact – frustration and disgust. Hopefully this is the beginning of a push.
362
363Kofi Kingston vs. Domino, who didn't even get an entrance. This match turned the show around for me. Actually, not even the match, the promo that Kofi did in an 80s-style insert. He talked about good vibrations and that sort of shit, and then when he was done talking he busted into the biggest smile ever, and it ruled. He's also improving in the ring and the people are getting more into him. Domino, besides his new physique, is also developing a bad case of gyno. Well, the male estrogen levels naturally peak in their 30s, right? Kofi got the pin after Domino tried hitting the ropes and nearly killed himself somehow. This could have been significantly worse. And never have you seen a man so happy to have beaten DOMINO.
364
365We got a horrible segment backstage with Layla, Eve and Kelly. Basically, Layla threatened to kick Layla's ass. Catty, devilish women.
366
367Colin Delaney vs. Tommy Dreamer. Colin still has no entrance music. I love this gimmick. Dreamer beat him up for a long time. Colin sells everything like he's been shot with a cannon ball, which is part of his charm. He sent Dreamer outside and hit him with a pescado. Not sure he should be doing so many seemingly advanced moves at this point. Anyway, he threw Dreamer back into the ring after this pescado, not wanting the count-out. Announcers wondered what he was doing, I guess not considering that he didn't want his friend fired. I hope the finish is Dreamer giving him a piledriver and Colin just standing there on his head for 10 seconds or so. Sadly, it was not to be. Instead, it was a DDT for the clean pin. How sad. Not exactly the most stellar ECW main event, to say the least.
368
369
370TNA
371Show opened with Team Tomko coming out to hype up the PPV. Bubba cut the promo for Tomko, saying he better not bother showing up for the cage match or they'd beat his ass. If you'll recall, they did a SWERVE last week where everyone thought Morgan was going heel, but he went with the babyface instead. He said Sting and Nash had been bleeding the wrestling industry their entire careers, bullying guys, bullying promoters, and both of them were the reason WCW went out of business. Well, he's half right. He said for the first time in their careers, they were both going to do something – step foot into the ring with the greatest tag team of all time, Team 3-D. Say what you will about Team 3-D, but Bubba better fucking get some votes for Best Promos in the Observer awards this year. Christian came out and told Ray to stop complaining, then said he looked like Hillary Clinton in a fat suit. Then he apologized, saying Hillary had much bigger balls. He started ranting and raving, trying to explain the storyline over the past few weeks and it was impossible to follow. It's always good when you watch Impact with someone, and a guy is cutting a promo and the person just stops and looks at you and asks: "WHAT!?" He said they were going to leave the heels for dead at the PPV. AJ suddenly grabbed the mic and said, "Don't bring it, sing it!" Tenay said AJ butchered the language worse that President Bush. When did this become Fox News?.
372
373Joe was backstage in the phattest suit imaginable. He said he'd sign Kurt's contract tonight in his own blood. He said if he didn't beat Angle for the belt at the PPV he would walk away from wrestling forever. "And not just TNA," he said. "Wrestling." OH~!.
374
375Borash interviewed Kurt about the PPV Sunday. Kurt was also decked out to the nines. Kurt said Joe could say all he wanted but he wouldn't believe it until he put pen to paper. He said he'd beaten Joe three out of four times, and the fourth time when Joe beat him it was nothing but a fluke. I don't even recall a fourth match. Angle said that meant Joe had a 25% chance of beating him. Borash said listen, Joe is like a new man, he's training with the best fighters in the world. Angle said what does that mean?, I'm the best fighter in the world! He said Joe had been training for four weeks, and that was hardly enough to beat a man who had been doing this his whole life. This was a good promo.
376
377Consequences Creed is apparently a serious character.
378
379We got another Xscape the Cage qualifier, this time with, yes, the debuting Consequences. For having such a serious promo he sure did have some wacky music. He faced Jimmy Rave. I'm trying to figure out if Creed is actually Kofi Kingston. He does a lot of jumping and bouncing. He may be a slightly better worker, but Kofi has more wacky charisma. Christy took the ref and Hoyt interfered, but of course that wasn't the pin here in the second match on the show. Creed ended up hitting a hammerlock DDT for the pin. Actually a hell of a debut, and Creed may get over fast because he's got a very crowd-pleasing style.
380
381Christy interviewed Jay Lethal about the Xscape the Cage match. SoCal Val is with him now as his belt holder. Up walked Sonjay Dutt. They're still saying that he's Lethal's best friend. His best friend then asked his girl to go shopping with him and off she went, leaving Lethal in the dust. What a geek that guy turned out to be. Can you believe how hard they pushed him on that PPV a few months back and now he's the biggest current dork on the show outside Eric Young. Just incredible.
382
383They plugged the PPV. They better hope the main event sells because this is the stupidest card I've ever seen.
384
385Cornette on commentary said he was releasing Matt Morgan from his contract as Cornette's assistant. Morgan then did a promo saying that was fine, because he was sick of being TNA management. He said he could take 100 percent of the roster on any given night. "It's my turn to shine around here!" He said everyone would know why there were calling him the most athletically jakked giant going today.
386
387You thought I was joking a few weeks back when I said Scott Steiner was initiating Petey into the Freemasons. Well, they referenced them this week when talking about the initiations Petey was going through to become involved in Scott Steiner's new secret society. I have no idea how many shows I missed, but apparently 100. We got clips of Steiner torturing him in 100 different ways. This was so wacky. They said tonight he would come to his final challenge – could he prove he had what it took to impress Steiner? God only knows.
388
389Steiner & Petey vs. Motor City Machine Guns. That annoying-ass screaming girl is there again. You know a woman is annoying then I can't handle watching a Machine Guns match. They did their usual fun stuff early, then they got the heat on Sabin. Rakha Khan came out with a bag and the announcers couldn't stop talking about it. Sabin finally made a comeback and tagged in Shelley. This woman has to be ejected from the Earth, just sent into outer space never to return. They say in space no one can hear you scream, and that's all I ask for. Guns hit a huge double team on Petey but of course Petey kicked out. Steiner then tripped up Shelley and Petey hit the Canadian destroyer for the pin. Pretty good stuff despite the usual commercial break right in the middle of it. Steiner cut a promo afterwards putting over Petey for being courageous and tough. He said tonight was his last initiation. Shouldn't that be last test in the initiation? Anyway, he opened up the bag and inside was a pair of scissors. He pointed to Petey's hair. So he's getting initiated into WWE? Petey got on his knees and Steiner cut it off. I always weep when I watch hair matches thrown down the tube for bullshit. Steiner then got one of his chain mail deals and put it on Petey's head. Petey with no hair looks like JUST A GUY. Way to go, TNA.
390
391They had a great recap of the Joe/Angle feud, then interviewed various guys, including Christian, Frank Trigg and Cornette about who would win. Nash said it was Joe's destiny, it was his time.
392
393Angle, who really has leaned up quite a bit, said this Sunday at Lockdown would be the most important match of his and Joe's career. He said one of the reasons was the TNA Heavyweight Championship, "the most coveted prize in wrestling today", and also "this document right here." He said the document stated that if Joe didn't beat him at Lockdown he had to quit pro wrestling forever. This would mean, Kurt said, that he didn't have to worry about his biggest threat anymore. He demanded Joe come down and sign the contract. So much for Joe not appearing in TNA again until the PPV. Joe came out and Angle asked him if he was willing to put it all on the line against the greatest wrestler of all time. Joe said he came out to reassure him and the world that when he made a promise he meant every word of it. He said he'd promised at Lockdown that if he didn't walk out of the ring as champion he would never wrestle for this or any other company ever again. But the second promise was that on April 13th he guaranteed there would be no excuses, it would just be him standing over Kurt as World Heavyweight Champion. He signed the contract. I hope he signed it "SAMOA JOE". Crowd was chanting "ANGLE!" How odd this was. Good segment though. So far so good here.
394
395Gail and ODB did a promo saying that they didn't like each other but were putting their differences aside to beat Kong. Yes, two babyfaces vs. one heel. What the fuck? ODB vowed to rip Raeesha Saed's robe off so they could have an ugly contest at the PPV. This was so wacky.
396
397Roxxi Leveaugh vs. Angelina Love. They had a good match. Roxxi made a fine little comeback but Velvet took the ref. Roxxi sent Angelina into Velvet, knocking the latter off the apron, then hit an incredible wacky move called the voodoo drop for the pin.
398
399Wacky promo with Super Eric. This show was going along so well. He vowed to take out Black Reign tonight.
400
401Another Kip/BG segment. BG said maybe after they beat the shit out of each other they could talk again. Kip, however, was all heelish saying no, he was gonna beat the shit out of this man at the PPV, put him out of wrestling and never have to look at him again. They actually had clips of BG working out. I found that goofy. BG's role here is the goofy redneck who's sad that a man wants to beat him up. He's playing the Colin Delaney role. Kip said he was going to beat BG and then go on to become the World Champion – the SINGLES World Champion, he added.
402
403Super Eric vs. Black Reign. Reign had his rat with him. You know, the one that used to be black but turned white, and they claimed that Kaz had DYED it white for Christ knows what reason? Well, it's still white, so apparently it is a very special rat whose hair does not grow. Eric won clean with the death valley driver. Rellik, of course, attacked him after the break. They handcuffed him to the ropes and were beating on him when Kaz made the save. Amazingly, he was winning on them one-on-two, and then two more heels came out to really uneven the odds. THEY ARE DOING THIS RIGHT. Super Eric then BROKE FREE OF THE HANDCUFFS and ran wild on all the heels. THEY DID THIS RIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK?.
404
405Well, except for the part about killing the gimmick for the PPV.
406
407Anyway, they plugged the shit out of the PPV again. This show has been a big success so far. Very odd to be writing that.
408
409Sting did a promo with Nash backstage. He said Bubba Ray was "marking out for himself". Nash then said Sting's intentions tonight were honorable, but he was here for the money. This was his job, he said, and perhaps he was overpaid, but he'd rather be overpaid then underpaid. And you know how you get paid?, he said. By being a main eventer. He said he was going to beat them tonight, retain his main eventer status, and then go wherever the money was. That was THE goofiest promo in some time. I'd presume he's turning on the babyfaces at the PPV but this sounds like a classic Russo swerve.
410
411Nash & Sting vs. Team 3-D. This was apparently a dream match. I'll take their word for it. Sting still looks and works great for being 49. I mean, he was really moving here. Well, he did wrestle exactly one time during the single biggest year of his career. Heels got the heat, which of course was the cue for them to go to commercial. Nash got the HOT HAND and hit the ring to walk wild. Broke down into an old-school four-way and Sting put D-Von in the Scorpion. Nash hit a chokeslam and went for the pin, but Tomko and AJ ran in. Well, they were supposed to. They missed their cue so the ref just stopped counting. That was goofy. Cage and Rhino were in next to even up the numbers gave, then James Storm ran out to give Team Tomko the edge. THEY'RE DOING IT RIGHT AGAIN. I'm flabbergasted. Crowd was chanting "MORGAN!", and he finally hit the ring. I was hoping he'd turn on the babyfaces so we'd get a double swerve. Didn't happen. Who should run in to attack Morgan but JACQUELINE. This was a failure. He pressed her and threw her over the top onto all the dudes. The brawl continued all over the place. Actually, Nash going heel would make sense because I can see them wanting to do a Nash vs. Morgan battle of the tall men.
412
413
414Ultimate Fighter
415Show started in the middle of a fight. This is what happens when the original airing doesn't record and you have to rely on the replay. So the second round started and one of the dudes got knocked THE FUCK OUT. He got hit right in the jaw and was DONE, and then when they stopped the fighting he was crying and moaning in a horrifying fashion, and everyone was scared shitless. Quinton called this the knockout of the CENTURY. Once it was determined that the man was alive, Dana was almost giggling, the knocker-outer was smiling and giving the thumbs up, and then Herb Dean officially announced that the one dude lost via knockout. You don't say. Turns out this dude's jaw got broken. Rampage went into his locker room afterwards and the dude wanted to know where he was and what happened. Quinton said he didn't even want to tell him. He was loaded into the ambulance and was still asking questions as he was taken away.
416
417Luke vs. Patrick. No wasting time here. Patrick began mauling this man early. He gots mean intentions, said Quinton. Sure does. Patrick then tried a takedown and the other dude fell on him, so Quinton wrote in his notes: "TAKES HIMSELF DOWN". God this man is great. Despite all the piss and vinegar early, Luke got his back and choked him out for the finish. Luke looks like your average geek at the gym, and he humbled this dude in round one.
418
419Tim vs. Erik. Tim won with an armbar in a minute. JIU JITSU BABY~!.
420
421Brandon vs. Aaron. I'm writing this all down for historical reasons. None of this shit matters right now. In fact, they only showed clips of this. Brandon, the Mohawk Guy, won with a choke.
422
423A black guy beat a tall white guy. This show may drop below a 1.0. That's my prediction. This experiment is not working. Reality shows work because of wacky characters. For two weeks, the only characters on this show have been Quinton, Forrest and Dana, all in small doses. We get random fights with random dudes, sometimes only clips of random fights with random dudes, and it's impossible for you causal viewer to get into. I would guess even some hardcores would be bored with this.
424
425A white guy beat a white guy. Quinton made an analogy about a seagull swallowing a frog.
426
427A guy with brown hair beat a guy they said was the Eminem of MMA. The Emin-MMA. They were calling him SLIM SHADY. "Slim Shady can't wrestle," said Dana. And this man lost.
428
429Matt Brown beat Josh Hall. This was a great fucking fight and Dana was marking out. Hall survived a triangle, which was incredible, and survived the best he could until the ref finally stopped it and called it a TKO with like 4 seconds left. That was great.
430
431Dana did the promo afterwards saying this tournament was designed to get rid of the pussies and the posers, and amazingly there wasn't a single one here. He said they were all awesome and he hated to have 16 go home, but that's how shit worked. Hopefully we get some geekiness and insanity from this point forward.
432
433
434Smackdown
435Show opened with Khali in the ring as a bunch of Indian dudes in fancy outfits danced around. They said he was there to offer a PUNJABI PEACE OFFERING. I have never been as happy as I am right now at this very moment. Khali was kinda sort dancing. Khali had a translator who spoke worse English perhaps than Khali himself. I have no idea what he said but I think I heard "eye for an eye" in there somewhere. Khali then cut a promo and I got "BIG SHOW" out of it, so that's almost as many words as I got out of the translator. Show's music suddenly hit and all the Punjabi dancers ran for their lives. Khali had offerings for Show. The first was some sacred water. The translator told him to take a sip and then bathe in it and "YOU WILL BE MORE RELIGIOUS". The second offering was the world's finest Scotch, which Show nearly retched drinking. Then we got a fucking animal, and ANIMAL of some sort. "IT'S A CHICKEN!" said the translator. They said he liked to eat and this chicken would lay a lot of eggs. Kind of like this segment. Then we got another animal, a GOAT. All the while, I should note, Indian music was playing. The goat was there to provide milk so Show would never go thirsty. Show said words could not describe the way he felt right now. He said this was so unexpected. "I can't describe how I feel, but I can show you how I feel." They shook hands. People applauded. Then Show punched him right in the face and knocked him out. The music stopped immediately and all the dancers freaked out. SAVE THE CHICKEN! SAVE THE GOAT! THIS IS A MADMAN! Khali sold the punch great, I'll give him that.
436
437Miz & Morrison vs. Shannon Moore & Jimmy Yang. Didn't these guys get squashed by Big Show a few weeks back? Now they're right back in the mix? They had clips from THE DIRT SHEET, a segment with Miz and Morrison where I guess their gimmick is supposed to be Public Access geeks with amazing production values. Morrison buried Yang early, telling him his moustache was stupid and that was why he was still a virgin. They need to mic Morrison during his matches because that's half the fun of his act. If you'll recall, the tag champs beat them in one minute last week and then Great Khali came down and killed everyone. Well, this week they actually got to have a competitive match and it was really good. Yang made a great comeback and ran wild, tossing Morrison outside, but then he turned around right into a neckbreaker by Miz, who had gotten the blind tag, for the clean pin. This was fun stuff and a great finish. Miz and Morrison have become a great team.
438
439We got skits in a hotel with Edge and Vickie. Oh God. They were getting massages as Teddy Long looked on. I should note that I've gotten a lot of massages and the masseuses never looked like this. She told him he deserved this and to enjoy it and that there was more to come. They professed their love to each other. I love this duo. Love them love them love them.
440
441Finlay and the Midget returned. Finlay vs. Matt Striker. And what a return it was. Finaly beat on him a bit early and then the Midget reappeared and sprayed Striker with a squirt gun. The children laughed. I was appalled. Nothing like Fit Finlay needing an unfair advantage from a little person to get heat on MATT STRIKER. Brief heat, then Finlay made his comeback and beat him all over the place. More comedy outside as the midget pretended to throw water on him, but the bucket was filled with confetti. Striker then turned around and Finlay threw legit water on him. Yeah, LEGIT WATER. This was lame until Finlay threw the bucket at him as well and bonked him in the head. Finish saw the midget get the distraction with an inflatable shillelagh, then Finlay hit Striker with the real one for the pin. All goofiness, which is a total waste of Fit. Good guys did a jig afterwards, then the midget splashed Striker for good measure.
442
443Victoria came out with Nattie Neidhart. She said last week we all witnessed the debut of the newest Smackdown Diva "Natalya Neidhart". They showed clips of Jim the Anvil on the big screen. Natalysa said it wasn't about her father anymore, it was about her. She said she had a message for all the Divas, and that was that if you mess with the best you go down with the rest. Then she went HAW HAW HAW. Welcome to 1973. Out came Michelle McCool, who looks 20 pounds lighter than the last time she wrestled. Victoria actually hit a superplex here, which I was afraid was going to cause Michelle to burst into fragments. Natalya ended up throwing her jacket at Michelle, distracting her and allowing Victoria to roll her up and pull her pants basically all the way down for the pin. That was quite the camera shot right there. Match was fine while it lasted.
444
445They had the Shawn Michaels WAS HE RIGHT? poll again. Yes, same poll as Raw. I guess the idea is to see if Smackdown fans vote differently.
446
447Batista came out and was heavily booed. Cole said it was time for an HBK/Dave face-to-face. Shawn came out to a big pop. Dave told Cole to hit the bricks, they only needed the two of them. Shawn said he told him Monday night, he was tired of going back and forth with him. He said come on, this wasn't about what happened at Mania, no, everybody had moved on except for Dave. He said even FLAIR had moved on. He said Dave clearly just had a problem with him. Batista said he was right, it wasn't all about Ric, but what happened at Mania opened his eyes. He said HBK may have everyone fooled, but he was the same old HBK, he hadn't changed a bit. He said he respected everything Shawn accomplished, but he didn't like the way he got to the top, but stepping on people, by holding them down, and by stabbing them in the back. He said he was no saint, but at least he was man enough to look them right in the eye and tell them what they had coming. Shawn said Dave was 6-5 and 300 pounds and had that luxury, but he was only six feet tall and maybe 200 pounds, and therefore he had to do whatever it took. He said yeah, if it meant taking a shortcut, he took it. He said he'd man up with him right here and tell him that at Backlash he was going to kick his teeth down his throat. He teased the superkick and then Dave grabbed him and tried the powerbomb. Shawn slipped out and that was the end of that. THAT FUCKING RULED. I cannot wait for this match, just cannot wait.
448
449Vladimir Koslov vs. MATT LOGAN, a jobber. Koslov won in seconds. Hard to tell if he's any good in matches this short. Which should probably tell you if he's any good.
450
451Edge and Vickie were getting facials. Not that kind, Jesus. Anyway, this was awesome, and the best part was at the end Teddy just stood there and shook his head in disgust. FABULOUS~!~!~!.
452
453Matt Hardy vs. Chuck Palumbo. MVP was there doing commentary talking about how awesome he was and how shitty Matt was. He distracted Matt allowing Palumbo to get the pin. At least unlike on ECW MVP made the first move and Matt wasn't just an idiot. Palumbo KILLED HIM with a back suplex, dropping him right on his neck. Just brutal. Matt did NOT look happy about that one. He made his big comeback and went for the twist of fate, but Palumbo slipped out and hit a big wacky slam for a close nearfall. He tried another one but Matt slipped behind and hit the twist of fate for the clean pin. Good match. MVP walked out afterwards, stroking his belt and smirking at Matt.
454
455Eve interviewed Jesse and Festus about Festus' main event title match with Undertaker tonight. At least I think it's a title match. Festus doesn't talk so Jesse had to do it for him. He did not cut a money promo, so to speak. Anyway, the whole thing was a joke as Jesse said he'd never seen Festus like this, and of course Festus looked exactly like he always does.
456
457Edge and Vickie were now in bed spraying whipped cream all over themselves. I wish everyone could have a relationship like this one. Then the lights went out and there was all sorts of huffing and puffing. Suddenly, the lights came back on and Teddy was there. He was appalled at this bullshit and said he could take no more. "I'M OUTTA HERE!" He stormed out and Vickie freaked out saying he always ruined the moment. Well, what the fuck did you leave him in the room for? Edge then said he'd get her back in the mood, and the lights went off and then there was huffing and puffing and thankfully that's when they cut away.
458
459Undertaker vs. Festus. Taker gave him a lot early. As I'd expected last week, Festus' goofy offense, like the headbutts on the ground, just didn't work in a serious main event match. Cole wanted to know what Festus called himself, or what his opponents called him. There was a pause. A loooong one. Long, long silence. Finally Cole started laughing and just moved on, and then after another long pause Coach suddenly screamed: "CORN FED COLOSSUS!" Then he said, and I quote, "I had a brain freeze, sorry about that Michael." THIS IS THE WORST CREW OF ALL TIME. Coach is so bad he makes Cole sound like Gordon Solie. Festus tossed him into the steps and went to work. I'm not sure who the babyface and heel is here. Festus got a comeback but then Taker cut him off and hit the chokeslam. Festus got his foot on the ropes. Ref took a bump and Festus hit a bicycle kick. He went to pick up Taker but Taker hooked him in the gogoplata. Festus would not tap. Another ref finally ran down and signaled for the bell. The story was that Festus didn't understand how to tap. Festus sold it like he was dead, and the announcers were very concerned about the after-effects. Festus did a hell of a job here all things considered.
460
461
462Raw
463JBL met with Regal and bitched about how he'd had the nerve to add HHH and Cena to his match with Orton at Backlash. Long story short, Regal got pissed and signed, for the first time ever, HHH vs. JBL for tonight.
464
465HBK came out and said the last thing he wanted to do was address this issue with Batista. He said to recap, Ric Flair asked, no, demanded that Shawn be the man to step into the ring with him at WrestleMania. He accepted, they had a match for the ages, he gave him his best, he beat him, and then Flair hugged him and thanked him. That's closure, he said. Everyone else had gotten over it now except for Big Dave. He said this Thursday on Smackdown they got to what was really bugging Dave, and that was Shawn himself. He said Dave accused him of holding people down, stepping over them and backstabbing them on his way to success. He said listen, it takes more than that to make it in this business. He said in 1998 doctors told him he'd never wrestle again, and he returned in 2002 and proved them wrong, and not only that he exceeded everyone's expectations. That's true. He said he was able to do that because he loved this job. He said he knew that this was what he was built to do. He said he wasn't proud of a lot of things he'd done, but he was sick and tired of apologizing for his past. He said Dave told him the only reason he retired Flair was to boost his own ego, and that was not the case. But, he said, what would boost his ego was kicking Dave's teeth down his throat. Suddenly, Flair's music hit. It played and played and who should come out but Chris Jericho. He said he was sorry for misleading people, but he had to make a point and get his attention. He said HBK could gloss over this all he wanted, but they'd never hear that music again because of Shawn. He said he had figured out the problem – Shawn was a phony. "At least that's what Batista thinks." He said Batista's problem was that deep down Shawn enjoyed retiring Flair. It was the same way he thrived on screwing Bret Hart and tossing Marty Jannetty through a plate glass window. "That's just who you are! Admit it!" Jericho said you don't have to say it, your eyes tell the whole story. So Jericho kept ranting and raving and finally Shawn superkicked him to a huge pop. "I'll admit this," Shawn said. "That felt pretty darn good." Then he put his hat on and left. This was fun.
466
467They announced that next week on Raw it would be a three-hour show with a one night King of the Ring tournament.
468
469London & Kendrick vs. Carlito & Santino in a number-one contender's match for the tag titles. The tag champs, who are Bob Holly and Cody Rhodes for those of you keeping track, were shown watching on in a geeky manner backstage. Heat on Kendrick. Santino is as horrible in the ring as he is utterly awesome at everything else he does, which I guess in a strange way is a compliment. London made the hot tag. He's very wacky of late. Broke down into a four-way. Kendrick got sent outside, then London gave Santino the dropsault and sent him packing. As he was watching him fly out of the ring, Carlito gave him the backcracker for the pin. Paul London, no joke, took a FLIP BUMP off the backcracker. That was fascinating. Carlito cut a promo in Spanish afterwards, then Santino ran them down, calling them Hardcore Holly and Softcore Cody Rhodes. Santino said that Holly and Rhodes were missing one thing, that being that they were not international superstars like himself and Santino. Yes, he mixed their names up. He said they would be WEINERS and Carlito didn't know what to make of that.
470
471They plugged the WWE Kids Magazine.
472
473Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James for the Women's title. Mickie looked nervous as they did the fancy ring intros. They put over that Mickie had never beaten Beth and it had to bother her. No heat for the match. Beth beat on her for awhile, including putting her in a brutal looking chicken wing, but then Mickie made her big comeback and ran wild. She hit a big silla off the top but Beth kicked out. Beth finally put her in the bitch clamp and Mickie rolled forward into a victory roll for the pin. Great finish to a fun little match. I don't know what it is about that Women's title but every time a girl wins it she just cries like a baby. Maria and Ashley ran out afterwards and celebrated with Mickie after commercial. This was something else. Then they brought out Todd to interview her. "I KNEW IT!" she screamed. "I KNEW I COULD BEAT HER!" And then she grabbed Todd and gave him a huge kiss and knocked him on his ass. That was something else.
474
475Regal was shown doing free squats backstage. The latest Mystery Geek interviewed him and asked why he decided to take on the best in the world. Regal said, well, so he could prove he could beat the best. Jericho walked up and demanded to be in the Batista vs. Shawn match. Regal said fine, you're the special referee. NO! Jericho said he wanted to wrestle. Regal said fine, you're wrestling tonight against Umaga. Jericho bitched, so Regal added that he'd be defending the IC Title as well.
476
477They teased Hillary and Obama on Raw next week. Yeah, right.
478
479Trevor Murdoch vs. JTG. The other team members were out there as well. Cade gave Murdoch a big pep talk before the match. Match went about a minute. Murdoch got the heat for awhile, then tried a big high cross and JTG rolled through for the pin. Cade glared at Murdoch there for awhile, then just patted him on the shoulder, gave him the thumbs up, and quickly left.
480
481Orton came out amidst great heat and cut a promo, saying at WrestleMania everyone thought he got lucky. He said you could call him lucky, but he preferred they call him WWE Champion instead. He said he became champ by taking out HHH and beating John Cena. He said he was going to take out all three guys at the PPV, and that after that he'd have beaten everyone there was to beat. Tonight, he said, he was going to beat the Raw GM in his own home country. And no matter what country you live in, he said, you were living in the age of Orton. Regal got a huge pop coming out. He was wearing the greatest robe you ever saw. The fans chanted for Regal and Lawler was surprised. Ross was like, why are you shocked? Lots of mat wrestling early and it was fun. "LET'S GO REGAL!" Orton did his chinlock of doom and Regal escaped with a capture suplex dropping him right on his head. Orton looked fucked up. He rolled outside to get his bearings and the ref appeared to do the DREADED X sign to Regal. Regal ended up suplexing him back into the ring, hitting two suplexes and a running knee, then walking right into the RKO for the pin. Orton was holding his neck after the match, hopefully selling. They showed the bump over and over again, so at least it wasn't all for naught. Still, I hope Orton is OK.
482
483Jericho vs. Umaga for the IC Title. Very basic match early. Jericho did some stuff then got chopped in the throat for the heat. He made comebacks here and there and got cut off. Umaga gave him a big backdrop outside at one point. This match went on forever and was profoundly average. Umanga finally missed the assalanche into the corner and Jericho made his big comeback. They traded nearfalls, then Umaga missed a dive into the corner and hit the post. Jericho rolled him up and used the ropes for the pin. Picked up quite a bit at the end. The whole story of this match was that Jericho had to cheat to win. Another step in the slow-build heel turn.
484
485Paul Burchill beat James Duggan with the curb stomp. NEXT.
486
487Todd interviewed HHH about the main event with JBL. He said he would win.
488
489HHH vs. JBL. They plugged the PPV before this match and, yes, Jericho is officially ref for Shawn vs. HHH. That makes me upset. They went to commercial and came back and JBL and Hunter were already wrestling. Another profoundly average match without a lot of heat. Once they beat Regal this crowd was largely done. They got into it a bit when HHH made his comeback. Orton then ran out and attacked Hunter for the DQ. I don't know where Ross was but he seemed to have no idea what was going on here, wondering if Orton came through the crowd. I should note that you should have SEEN this shirt that Lawler was wearing. Hunter made a comeback but JBL cut him off, then Orton laid out Hunter with the RKO. JBL told Orton that they could take out Hunter and Cena in advance, then it would only be the two of them at the PPV fighting for the belt. JBL told Orton to punt Hunter, then lifted him up for the soccer kick. As Orton rushed in with a head of steam, JBL clotheslined him out of his boots. NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES. He laid Hunter out with one for good measure as well. Good angle to hype up the PPV, but overall a very average Raw.
490
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497~~~~~~~~
498
499YAMMA-MIA
500The debut of YAMMA Pitfighting, the new MMA promotion created by original UFC founder Bob Meyrowitz, was a disaster.
501
502You can best sum up this show in two words: TIME WARP. It was like Meyrowitz took UFC in 1994, transported it to 2008, and put it on PPV. You had big bulky fighters, many of which in some ways didn't appear to know exactly what they were doing, freak show fights, a small crowd in a darkened arena, and even some of the original UFC mainstays like Bruce Beck and Jeff Blatnick. Original UFC matchmaker John Peretti, who did commentary all night, seriously either stepped right out of a time machine or had not watched any MMA since the mid-90s. It was amazing to see.
503
504The big draw on the show was the debut of the YAMMA fighting surface, which it was claimed would revolutionize the sport. Basically, it was a cage that had its surface incline by a foot or two starting about three feet out from the fence. The incline was red and was called the "WARNING ZONE" or the "DANGER ZONE" or something like that. I am not sure what was so dangerous about it. I guess it was supposed to prevent clinching against the fence and make it harder for wrestlers to bull guys up there. Instead, it made takedowns easier and was better for the wrestlers.
505
506Many people hated this show, some passionately. I hated it less than others, partially because I think the people running it are good people and had the right intentions. But mostly I didn't hate it because I cannot hate something that was done as an experiment. Sure, going in it was pretty clear that without strong national television this wasn't going to do any buys whatsoever. The YAMMA structure, though, was an experiment, as was the idea of trying to bring back the tournament format. That is all fine. The reality, though, is that it led to a really bad show, and now Meyrowitz needs to learn from what did not work and make major adjustments if there is actually going to be a second show in June.
507
508Problem is, at least as of today, that doesn't seem to be what he has in mind.
509
510In quite frankly a baffling interview, Myrowitz on Sherdog.com said he was THRILLED with the show. He said it was so exciting and thrilling, and that he hoped everyone who watched it was just as thrilled about it as he was. He said he'd seen a lot of threads and blogs with criticism and thoughts, but he personally thought it was a great night of fights and that they were going full-bore with plans for YAMMA 2 in June. He said he didn't foresee the Yamma structure making life easier for the wrestlers, and that they might have to go and re-evaluate things. He said Oleg told him it would take five shows for them to full determine whether or not it was going to work (I think Oleg was referring to the structure and not the YAMMA concept itself). Bob said he personally felt two or three more shows were necessary before making tweaks. He said, "The last fight was incredible!" He said the middleweights were coming out in June and that since they were smaller with better cardio it might be a better show. After that, he said, they were planning a lightweight tournament. In other words, he learned nothing from the failure of the tournament. He said his main goal with this show was to see whether the Yamma would work, and that the whole thing was very nerve-wracking to him. He said he was concerned it "wouldn't work", but didn't know what "wouldn't work" would have meant. He said it was a great night of fights and nobody got hurt. He was asked about revenue streams, and he said it wasn't about how many PPVs they did but how successful they were. He said they had to build up the YAMMA name and let people know why it was better. He said they created two stars tonight, Chris Tuscherer and Travis Wiuff. "That last fight was really what warriors are all about". He said Pat Smith and Oleg Taktarov both looked great as well. Well, they did, but their opponents did not. He said the original UFC had all sorts of stars but since then "almost no new stars have been created". They asked about TV and he said they weren't looking at TV as a necessary option. He said they were looking at the star route, creating stars and creating fights people wanted to see.
511
512God bless Bob, but this interview came off as very delusional. To say that UFC hasn't created a single star in the modern era, but that Chris Tuscherer and Travis Wiuff became stars on Friday night is completely insane. It was a fine idea to give the tournament a shot, but in execution it failed. The idea of a tournament to create stars is sound, because a guy who goes through a grueling series of tests to win a prize is a tale that goes back thousands of years. Problem is, the New Jersey State Athletic Commission only OK'd a total of 25 minutes of action for each participant, meaning the first and second rounds were only five minutes total and the final was fifteen. It's impossible to see if anyone is all that good in a five minute fight, and worse, the wrestlers all knew that they only had to take a dude down and hold him for five minutes to advance. In fact, Wiuff stated outright that if he got two takedowns he would be in the finals, which means his PLAN was to LAY AND PRAY. In 2008, when UFC fighters are paid as much as $65,000 for the fight of the night, fans aren't going to accept a guy holding his opponent down to eke out a decision. It's certainly the farthest thing from a star-making performance. There is also the issue that when fans can compare YAMMA to UFC, there is not an easy answer as to why, as Bob claimed, YAMMA is better. Although he claimed that UFC hasn't created any stars, all of the current UFC main eventers and even most of the undercard guys are far more recognizable than anyone on this YAMMA show (well, maybe everyone would recognize Butterbean, and it doesn't matter because he was obliterated). The production values of UFC blew this out of the water, the crowds are God knows how much bigger, the mainstream stars in attendance treat UFC as a much bigger deal -- and I'm not sure why I'm going on here because the list could continue nearly into perpetuity.
513
514If YAMMA is going to continue, major, major changes need to be made. They need to bid for stars people will have heard of. They need to seek out some sort of television deal, because even a low-level deal on a weak network is better than nothing at all. They need to rely on something other than LiveNation to promote the shows because this first event made it clear that LiveNation hardly did a thing. And above all else Meyrowitz needs to understand that it's 2008 and the game has changed, and what worked when UFC was formed is absolutely not going to work today.
515
516Of course, Comcast fucked everything up and made this show impossible to order.
517
518Jeff Blatnik, John Peretti and Bruce Beck opened up the show. I am not making this up. This is like a time warp, or the first ECW One Night Stand. Perhaps the latter is a bad comparison.
519
520The Yamma is basically a round cage with angled edges about three feet from the edge of the cage. The angled edge is red and they call it the WARNING TRACK.
521
522Scott Ferrall did ring announcing. They need a new announcer. I'm sure he's a great guy, but this was a failure. His voice sounded like a dude with one of those throat gimmicks, and he was rapidly shuffling through cards in a very amateurish fashion.
523
5241. Sherman Pendergarst vs. Alexey Oleynik. They asked Pendergarst what his fighting style was and he paused for awhile and said, "I'd say – wrestling." The ref separated them twice for inactivity. The second time in particular was horrible since blows were actually being thrown during the split. The problem was when they split them up the clock kept running and so we lost about 30 seconds of a five minute fight. Alexey ended up taking him down again and tapped him out with a choke.
525
526~~~~~~
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540April 2008
541F4W~!#671 - Twelve times for the Game - May 5, 2008
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5442008-04-23
545F4W~!#669 - Joe beats Angle for TNA Title - April 21, 2008
5462008-04-16
547F4W~!#668 - A headline story about MIKE KNOX - April 14, 2008
5482008-04-09
549F4W~!#667 - "I'm sorry. I love you." - April 7, 2008
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555F4W~!#668 - A HEADLINE STORY ABOUT MIKE KNOX - APRIL 14, 2008
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558
559
560You knew it was downhill after Flair's retirement.
561
562Steroids were found in a house this week that Mike Knox and three other developmental wrestlers used to rent. This is seriously such a wacky story.
563
564So these people bought this house. At some point this past week someone living there was looking around in a crawl space and found two shoeboxes. In one of them was a bunch of vials of steroids and growth hormone, and also some syringes. In the other were documents, including a 2004 memo about the WWE dress code and a pay stub for one Mike Hettinga, aka Mike Knox.
565
566We must stop and think about this a bit.
567
568Someone, perhaps Mike Knox, perhaps not, had a collection of steroids and growth hormone. They also had a SECRET HIDING PLACE for these things, a crawl space in the attic. He kept them in a SHOE BOX. And, if it was Mike Knox, he kept the shoe box next to another shoe box that had HIS OWN PAY STUBS IN IT.
569
570What?
571
572The dude who owns the house, Judson Powell, was appalled because his kids slept "in the next room". They sleep in the attic? That's beside the point.
573
574WWE was proactive about the situation, which is what you have to do in cases like this in 2008. They contacted Knox, who stated publicly that the drugs were not his.
575
576Here is where the story gets interesting. The drugs were found in a shoebox next to a shoebox with his pay stubs and such in it. That strongly indicates that the drugs belonged to him. The question, however, is whether there is any other evidence of this. Were these drugs purchased on the black market or did he get a prescription for them? If they were his, were they purchased around 2004 (which is when the pay stub was marked and which was before the Wellness policy went into effect) or in the last year or so? Is there any way to determine such? If these drugs were used by Knox prior to the drug policy going into effect, I would guess that they wouldn't be able to even give him a first strike. If they were used afterwards, technically they could fire him, and maybe they would for the publicity. But they also might want to keep the whole thing fairly quiet outside a suspension, because if you make a big deal out of this all you are doing is basically telling the world that your drug policy is a failure, because a guy was on drugs and only got caught when police found his stash.
577
578Also, if the vials were prescribed and Knox's name is on the labels, and he told police they didn't belong to him, he could be in some really hot water. Authorities said the first step would be to test the drugs and see if Knox had a prescription, and that the investigation "could lead to criminal charges". However, if there are no labels on the drugs and the only evidence they have is that they were near another box that had his stuff in it, that might not be enough evidence for any sort of conviction. I would speculate that the drugs were not labeled, because otherwise he'd be fabulously stupid to claim they're not his.
579
580WWE released a statement saying that four wrestlers had lived at the house with Knox in the past, and that only one of them (that would be The Knox) were currently under contract. PWinsider reported that Ryan O'Reilly and Derek Niekirk were two of the other three living with him. Niekirk was just released after failing a Wellness test (well, that wasn't the only reason, he didn't play into their plans and there was little chance of him being called up after being under contract forever), and O'Reilly asked for his release late last year when he and his girlfriend Krissy Vaine decided they no longer wanted to be on the road. She had just debuted on Smackdown two weeks earlier after 18 months in developmental, and they decided to quit when Ryan discovered that he was booked for some Raw shows. Apparently, the idea of them being on separate brands and not traveling together was just too much for their young hearts to take, so they quit together. The irony was that there were never any plans to actually bring him up to Raw.
581
582The WWE.com website teased that Knox would be on the ECW show Tuesday night but he didn't end up being used. He was still in the building.
583
584
585
586Tough start for new UFC season
587
588
589
590UFC Fight Night this past Wednesday had a very, very deep line-up and was a good show. It was the lead-in for the new season of Ultimate Fighter with coaches Quinton Jackson and Forrest Griffin, which was also an entertaining show.
591
592That's the good news.
593
594Bad news is that the Fight Night show did a 1.1 rating with 1.3 million viewers, including a 1.35 in males 18-49, a 1.56 in males 18-34 and an 0.84 in persons 18-49. Not a good number. Ultimate Fighter also did somewhat poorly, only hitting a 1.3. In the past, episodes have been in the high 1s and low 2s. Usually, the debut does well and the rating drops from there.
595
596What is the problem? It's no secret. There is so much fighting on TV it's not even funny. Between UFC Unleashed shows every week, frequent EliteXC and ShowXC events, tons of weekly programming if you have HDNet, and strings here and there of three major UFC shows in four weeks, fighting is no longer something that is going to draw ratings just because it's on TV. People were salivating about this Fight Night show. But those were people on Internet message boards, and those people would have watched this show with or without a strong line-up. The difference between a 1.1 and a 2.5 or higher is not the hardcore fans, it's the casual fans, and this Fight Night line-up was nothing to those people. It doesn't matter how great these fights were on paper, to your casual fan a great "on-paper" card is a card where the names on the paper are Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture, Tito Ortiz, Georges St. Pierre, etc.
597
598This also could be a problem with this season of Ultimate Fighter. This season is all about competition. Dana said he wanted to weed out the pussies and the posers, so the first two shows will feature sixteen qualifying matches. They're starting with 32 guys and are weeding out sixteen before the real competition even begins. They don't want geeks on this season, they don't want punks or pussies who will cry about their girlfriend and go home, or get in fights with other geeks. The problem is that is a great concept for the guys on the Internet, for the real hardcores who want competition, but a major reason the first season of Ultimate Fighter got over like gangbusters (besides the fact that it was a new concept and not in its seventh season) was because the house was filled with fucking goofballs like Chris Leben and Josh Koscheck, hotheaded dorks who wanted to beat the hell out of each other. It's a tough battle to try to put on a serious sports-oriented product that will please the hardcores and also present a product that will get your casual fan tuning in week after week. Because, like with ratings, the difference between a PPV that does 400,000 buys and one that does 1 million buys isn't the hardcores, it's the casual fans who decide a show is a must-see. And a must-see show isn't necessarily about the best in-ring match-ups (though it can be), it's about the best match-ups between superstars or colorful characters.
599
600On the plus side, Quinton Jackson and Forrest Griffin are awesome characters, and if they can build the season largely around them and do decent ratings, both will come out of this bigger stars than ever and their fight will do great numbers on PPV. I expect the Montreal show next weekend with Georges St. Pierre vs. Matt Serra to do very well, perhaps as high as 600,000 buys or maybe even a bit higher. It's basically what we saw coming quite awhile back, a period where TV shows would do low ratings because there is nothing special about them, some PPVs with non-marquee matches would do average numbers (about 350,000 to 400,000), and big PPVs with the superstars would be able to sustain 600,000 buys or more depending upon the magnitude of the stars involved.
601
602Spike TV was happy with the ratings because they helped their new series, DEA, draw the best debut numbers for any original series on Spike since the debut of Pros vs. Joes two years ago.
603
6041. Houston Alexander vs. James Irvin. When recapping Houston's history they completely ignored his squash loss to Thiago Silva at UFC 78. In other words, they wanted him to win here so they could push him as a huge rising star. James Irvin was there to prevent that. This was the battle of two men who have incredible physiques but never fail drug tests. So anyway, Irvin knocked him out with the first punch and the fight was over in nine seconds. Irvin had a different physique here, by the way, much more natural-looking than usual. Alexander claimed he wasn't knocked out but Rogan said it was a fair stoppage. They showed a replay and Houston was clearly out, even if it was only for a moment. Loud boos here. Well, it did come off as a fluke, though that was two losses in a row.
605
606Rogan interviewed Irvin afterwards. Fans were booing. What are they mad at him for? He didn't call it. He said the first punch just grazed him, but two of them on the ground connected. He said listen, if Houston wasn't happy they could finish this in the parking lot. Rogan said we don't need to do that. Irvin thanked Dana and Joe Silva for bringing him back after a horrible 2007. Houston said his kids hit him harder than that (well, that made him look stupid then, didn't it?), but he'd give it to James. He said he was still conscious the entire time, and he felt he should have been able to continue. "Let's do it again, that's crap!" he said. So we'll probably get a rematch.
607
6082. Kurt Pellegrino vs. NATE DIAZ~! They ended up on the ground immediately and Pellegrino got his back. Pellgrino is a black belt and Nate is a brown belt under Cesar Gracie, and the Gracies don't hand out belts for nothing. So this was a pretty even ground battle. Pellgrino was landing hard shots from Nate's guard, then passed to side control and landed a series of shots, one after another, busting Nate open. Nate got him back into his guard. Kurt was pretty much mauling him here. Nate survived the round which is a real credit to him. Nate had a cut over his eye. Kurt took him down again and had side control, but then moved into his guard. Don't ask me. They stood up and Nate scored a sweet takedown, but Kurt immediately got his back. They fought near the fence and Kurt slammed him. He ended up slamming him right into a triangle. Nate knew he had it and gave the world the double bird, then flexed as Kurt tapped. Yup, he submitted him completely with his legs, didn't have to pull on his head or anything. I knew Nate would win this fight. He's a fucking FIGHTER and he's my hero. Loud chants of "DIAZ!" Rogan was flipping out about how awesome the double bird and flex was.
609
610Nate cut a promo afterwards doing what he always does, that being putting over guys like Jake Shields and Nick Diaz who are under contract elsewhere. Nate is so awesome, but with each passing fight I understand less and less of what he's trying to say.
611
6123. Tim "THE BARBARIAN" Boetsch vs. Matt Hamill. The referee was Adam Martinez, the skinniest and seemingly most nervous referee in history. Matt took him down immediately. The Barbarian had a pretty good guard, so there was a long period of nothing happening. They ended up on the feet and had a stand-up battle. Tim is one of those guys who looks way bigger than he is, a tank-like man, and looked like he was starting to get tired. Rogan noted that they were in Denver and it made life tough as the air was thinner. I remember I had a match with Buddy once in some place like Redding, OR, which is at some crazy altitude, and we were dying five minutes in. He hit a HYOOGE knee to the chin but Hamill took it and kept moving. Not a great round for Hamill. Boetsch went for a single and Hamill ended up on top and started pounding on him. Ref warned Tim that he needed to do something, and Tim responded by doing nothing so it was stopped. Hamill didn't look too hot and pretty much won because the other dude gassed out. Hamill had a HUGE gash on his lip. Grotesque.
613
614Hamill asked everyone to give Tim a hand afterwards. He said he was working on his stand-up of late, and wanted to say thanks to all his trainers and family and such. It was tough to hear a lot of what he said (he's deaf and also had a fucked up lip) but the people cheered him huge.
615
616Rogan interviewed Quinton about Ultimate Fighter. He said it was tough because he hates training himself and ended up with a bunch of hardass kids that didn't want to listen. He said Forrest was a cool guy but sometimes he got pissed off. He said he was very much looking forward to the fight and couldn't wait to get back in there and show the fans what was UP~! Quinton is the coolest man alive.
617
6184. Karo Parisyan vs. Thiago Alves. Karo clinched early and took him down immediately. He ended up in side control and went to work. Thiago stood back up and fought his way free. They noted that Karo had won a title shot a few years back but then got hurt, and when he returned he didn't look so well and is still fighting to get that title shot back. Thiago walks around at 190-plus and often has to cut 20 pounds, which may be trouble in a high altitude. He looked like he was getting tired about four minutes in. Rogan said Parisyan didn't look that strong but he'd been doing judo his entire life and had great grappling strength, and that he'd rolled with him and Karo was strong "like a chimpanzee". About 10 seconds into the second round, Thiago wacked him with a knee and finished him off on the ground. Karo was IRATE, pitching a total fit in the ring. Rogan also said he was unsure about the stoppage, which was funny because it looked exactly like the stoppage in the Houston Alexander fight that he thought was fine. Anyway, they showed a bunch of replays and Karo definitely got dropped. Whether he was out and whether it was a good stoppage, that's harder to say. The ref was right there so I'll take his word for it. Better early than late, I always say.
619
620Thiago said it wasn't a premature stoppage, and the HEFEREES in UFC knew their shit, so hey, he won. Rogan asked him who he was predicting for Montreal and whether he wanted the winner. Thiago said he predicted St. Pierre would beat Serra, then said he was willing to fight with anyone. Didn't seem to excited to face St. Pierre. Karo never got interviewed. Sucks to be him.
621
6225. Tommy Speer vs. Anthony Johnson. Tommy is the farm boy from the last TUF, and his nickname is now THE FARM BOY. He's training full-time with Matt Hughes now. Needs to start training with a striker. Anthony was a good wrestler, good enough to avoid Speer's takedowns, and as he avoided them he landed some HARD fucking shots. He knocked Speer's loopy on the feet, then connected so hard that Speers ended up knocked out laying there against the fence. A brutal, brutal beating, and this did not look like a fluke by Johnson. His stand-up is great and his wrestling was good enough to avoid all of Speer's takedown attempts. Wow.
623
624Rogan interviewed Johnson afterwards, who said he was CRUNKED right now. He was fighting out of Denver so he was super happy, and he promised his city that someday he would be the champion.
625
6266. Gray Maynard vs. Frankie Edgar. This was the battle of the UNDEFEATED MEN. Gray's Goody UFC Nickname â„¢ is THE BULLY. Gray wanted this match, so here you go. Frankie went for a takedown early but Gray stuffed it. He said his plan was to stuff them all and knock him out on the feet. He was landing some good shots. Rogan, when putting over the 155-pound division, was mentioning guys like JZ Calvan and Shinya Aoki, who aren't even UFC guys. Turned into a kickboxing battle. Gray got cut above the eye, then finally got a takedown. Frankie stood up but was powered back down and just went to the guard. Very even first round but Gray probably took it for the two takedowns. No heat for this round, by the way. Gray took him down again in the second. What happened to knocking him out on his feet? Rogan said these two guys were so good that it was a chess match, and "real fans" appreciated this. I guess there were no "real fans" in the building because the place was very quiet. A great scramble to open up the third. Maynard just kept taking him down over and over again. POINTS. I guess I'm not a real fan either because this is boring me. Gray with the takedown. Frankie up. Gray with the takedown. Frankie up. And so on and so forth. There were moments in this fight exactly like the fight on TUF that Dana said was like two fucking turtles fucking. But it's Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard so people will overlook that. NOT ME. So Gray should have won the decision here. Yup.
627
628Rogan called this a very, very exciting fight. Was I watching another fight? Maynard said he was bigger, so he threw the little man around. He said he tried to use his nickname and be a BULLY. He said he wasn't even close to being the best guy in the division but wanted to let everyone know he was here and not just a TV show guy. Good promo.
629
6307. Kenny Florian vs. Joe Lauzon. Only one man could referee this match – THE VENERABLE HERB DEAN. Lauzon took him down early and Florian pulled guard and started laying in elbows to the back of the head. Ref stopped this and stood them up, saying they were shots to the back of the head. Florian said no way. Meanwhile, Lauzon was bleeding from the back of the head. It was the upper back, though, not near the base of the spine, so this was questionable. They quickly ended up back on the ground and Florian ended up in side control. Lauzon escaped and got a great takedown. They ended up right back where they were at the beginning with Florian in the guard. Lauzon went for a kneebar or heel hook but couldn't get it. Florian tried a takedown but it was a TAKAYAMA TAKEDOWN. Awesome first round, and Lauzon took it. Florian finally got the takedown and got the mount. Lauzon tried to SUNSET FLIP his way out but failed. Kenny got side control and laid in shots, then got mount again. He landed shot after shot after shot after shot and Herb had finally seen enough and stopped it. Lots of boos for that but it didn't look like Joe had any chance of escaping. Great fight.
631
632
633
634In House Notes
635
636
637
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639
640Very special thanks to the following people for their help in producing Figure Four Weekly this week: Gladys “Granny” Gibson, Dave Meltzer, Tony Leder, Stuart Max, Alex Marvez, Zach Arnold, Colin Vassallo, Jess McGrath, Kris Zellner, Manuel Gonzalez, Craig Proper, Vincent Verhei, Keith Lipinski, Robert Bihari, Dean Baker, The Cubs Fan, Kyle Wolf, Devin Cutting, Shawn Garrett, Bob Barnett, Mike Lano, Adam Lebow, Mike Sempervive, Steve “Dr. Lucha~!” Sims, Forrest Lynn.
641
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659
660
661
662News
663
664
665
666WWE
667
668
669The next Flair DVD is out July 8th and should be a hot seller. I hope they put on a ton of stuff from this past weekend including the entire retirement ceremony, or at least everything that aired on TV. Backstage stuff from after Mania and Raw would be cool as well, with everyone giving him the standing ovation and thanking him. Flair started on Secret Talents of the Stars the night we went to press so he'll be busy doing that over the next several weeks. No plans at this point for a return to Raw, although you would think that he'd be back probably sometime this summer to help DVD sales. Nobody ever really retires in wrestling, but Flair, as noted last week, has told people publicly and privately that he's never wrestling again, and he has to know that nobody has ever and probably will ever get a send-off like this again (at least with this kind of emotion, because who is beloved like Ric Flair?), and that any sort of comeback would really taint that. Of course, we're all saying that now, just a week after his retirement, but if he came back for one match teaming with Reed or something like that for a major show five years down the road it could be a huge one-time thing that I doubt anybody would hold against him. People have short memories in this business and they're very forgiving of guys they love.
670
671Regarding the match Shawn/Flair Rolex watches, your guest is as good as mine. We've had sources say that Vince McMahon bought them and we've had sources say that Shawn Michaels bought them. I think Flair last week was under the impression that Shawn bought them and that was what he told others, including Jim Ross, and that helped spread the story around. I'm sure at some point we'll get the story straightened out.
672
673Paul Heyman loved the Hall of Fame and WrestleMania but wasn't so high on the retirement ceremony or the usage of any song other than Also sprach Zarathustra (the 2001/Flair theme): "OK, so we're going for yet another emotional moment. We had 'em crying at the Hall of Fame. Had 'em at Mania. OK, one more to go. Let's give it to 'em on Raw. And after the first set of reunions for Flair, don't you think it was time for the mass curtain call, the standing ovation, the 'thank you Ric' chants and goodnight everybody? It was a treat for everyone to see Ric reunited with Tully and Arn and Windham and JJ. Anyone who knows the story of how JJ left WWE, and the enormous heat between JJ and Vince will tell you, this was Vince McMahon doing what he felt was right for business. Hey, there's Ricky Steamboat. That's a nice tribute. Their worst matches against each should be considered all time classics. Those two were magic together. Michaels' appearance and hug makes it complete. That's some great emotion. But watching Flair cry because Chris Jericho says thank you? Hey, here's John Cena. And he's saluting Flair. Whooop de freakin' do. Yeah yeah, this is basic Thugonomics. What the hell does it have to do with anyone's favorite Flair memories? Cena? Jericho? Where's Fifi the French Maid?".
674
675Pro-wrestling.net reported that WWE offered Ole Anderson $1,500 to shoot a video tribute to Flair, and also offered to fly him to Orlando for the weekend (likely mainly the Hall of Fame ceremony) and he turned it down. Ole also buried Flair: "He ended up having the same match every night. He had a lot of potential to begin with, but he's never had anything different than the same damn match every night -- The point is he still doesn't have any idea how to have a match work. So they gave him credit for the last match here in Orlando. Wonderful. I hope it is. It'll be the same as it always was. Tell the match the other night was different than any other match he's ever had. He always does the same damn dumb things." Wow, what an angry man. This is not to say that Flair didn't often wrestle largely the same matches, and there were times during his career when he was a babyface (which he hated) that he would revert back to his old ways and call weird heelish spots because that's what he was most comfortable doing. You could watch it and think that it made no sense, but he sort of got away with it because he was Ric Flair and everyone loved him.
676
677Mickey Sherman, a lawyer who has written a new book called "How Can You Defend These People?", was on a local radio show plugging it last week and talked about how he once was a lawyer for WWE and had to defend the Iron Sheik. Apparently, this was during the height of Sheik's heel run, so it had to be a good twenty years ago. Sheik went to a gas station and the attendant, concerned that he was a foreigner, refused to let him pump his own gas. Sheik, of course, flipped out, spit in the attendant's face, pumped his own gas and then zoomed off. Anyway, they ended up in court and they played a video as part of the defense with Roddy Piper, Cindy Lauper and Lou Albano all acting as character witnesses for Sheik. Stories like this cannot be made up.
678
679A lawsuit by a fan who claimed Sandman beat her up at a show was thrown out this week. Karlene Boutwell claimed that she was in the crowd during an ECW taping on August 8, 2006, and that as Sandman was coming through the crowd he grabbed her, picked her up and threw her, and that she found this to be "humiliating". Also, it injured her. The court threw out the case AND ruled that she must pay for all court costs. In other words, she had no case whatsoever. It didn't help that you can go to WWE.com right now and see footage of the entrance in question, the entire thing, and Sandman didn't touch anyone much less pick them up and throw them in a humiliating manner.
680
681Georgia House Senate Bill 413 was killed by the House 105-57 last week. This was the bill that would have ixnayed the exemption that WWE has from state regulations and would have forced random drug testing. WWE had threatened to boycott the state. Welcome to the world.
682
683HHH and Steph have decided to wait until their next child is born to find out whether it's a boy or girl (and hopefully it's one or the other). Hunter said there weren't a lot of surprises left in this life (?) and thus you had to take them where you can. They asked if he wanted a boy or girl and he said it was a cliché but he didn't care as long as the kid was healthy. He did say that at some point he'd like a boy, but it didn't have to be this one because Stephanie wanted five. Well, that's three more chances to get her out of creative for awhile.
684
685Cards for WWE in Mexico in May. All of this is subject to change. Actually, destined to change may be better. May 21st at Plaza de Toros Monumental has John Cena vs. Randy Orton, DX vs. Umaga & JBL, Jericho vs. Mr. Kennedy, and Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito (back to the midcard for Jeff). May 22 at Plaza de Toros Santa Maria has Cena vs. Orton vs. HHH vs. Umaga, Michaels vs. Kennedy, Jericho vs. JBL in a streetfight, and Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Cade (looking to be going single as a heel). May 23rd at Palacio de los Deportes has Cena vs. Orton, DX vs. Umaga & JBL, Jericho vs. Kennedy, and Hardy vs. Carlito. Mexico City on the 24th has Cena vs. Orton vs. HHH vs. JBL, Michaels vs. Umaga (I want to see that match), Jericho vs. Kennedy, and Hardy vs. Cade. Also listed as appearing are Super Crazy, Carlito, Santino, Beth, Candace (probably not back from surgery yet), Maria and "various others".
686
687Arturo Rivera publicly complained this week about the fact that WWE didn't announce that Rey Misterio was hurt and would miss the upcoming Mexico tour until after tickets were put on sale the first day.
688
689Maria in an interview with Marvel.com about which WWE wrestler reminded her of a super hero: "CM Punk because he's not only fighting evil in the ring, but he does it outside of the ring too; Punk is against drug use, drinking and promiscuous sex. He really is the 'Straightedge Superstar.' His passions toward his causes are as solid as Captain America's shield. Although I don't like putting Punk over—and I hope you put that part in there—he does do a lot of good things, like a super hero does." She doesn't like putting him over and wants that known? Well.
690
691Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have rented out one of Undertaker's homes in Cedar Creek, TX. Pitt is in the area filming Tree of Life. In a quote that is a) appalling, and b) something I'm sure WWE and Undertaker are thrilled got out, the building contractor was interviewed about the house by Life & Style Weekly and said the bedroom was bigger than most of the houses -- the BEDROOM is bigger than MOST HOUSES -- because, and I quote, "UNDERTAKER WANTED A HUGE SPECIAL BED." Yeah. That's enough information there. The house also has its own gym and a full-sized ring. Mr. Dead Man has done all right for himself.
692
693There is a Ric Flair vs. Ricky Morton match playing on 24/7 this month, which you should go out of your way to see.
694
695Vengeance this year, on June 29th in Dallas, is being pushed as Night of the Champions. Wouldn't be the worst time to bring Mayweather back, since SummerSlam is way too close to his September fight with Oscar De La Hoya, and he is a champion.
696
697Jim Ross on his health woes: "I felt somewhat poorly during the WM24 weekend and attributed it to just getting over a 3 week bout of the flu. In hindsight, I should have taken a week or two off prior to Wrestlemania to insure that the flu had subsided, but I didn’t. While in Orlando I started having colon problems again and began to lose a great deal of blood. But as the old saying goes, "the show must go on" and as I was once told, " a man can be sick at work just as easily as he can be sick at home" so I kept my issues to myself and went about the task of doing my job. This Friday I spent the majority of the day in the hospital here in Norman, the same hospital that removed 13" of my large intestines in 2005, along with a benign tumor off my colon. Friday was like a day at the beach compared that ordeal in 2005, as Friday I underwent a thorough colonoscopy and had 3-4 non-cancerous, thank God, polyps removed. I dodged another bullet. I told my friend Kevin Wilson, the offensive coordinator at OU, that I was blessed with 'Sooner Magic' and after a couple of days of rest I plan to be on the airplane Sunday night headed to Albany, New York for Monday Night Raw. I wouldn’t have it any other way. One of the telephone calls I received Friday afternoon was from Ric Flair who called to check on his pal and I assure you that call meant the world to me. It’s akin to OU Coach Bob Stoops calling me on a Saturday in 2005 when I was in intensive care, while the Sooners were preparing to play Kansas at Arrowhead Stadium. Great friends watch out for each other." So yes, he was hospitalized on Friday with all of this and never missed a single Raw. What a trooper.
698
699There is a Ric Flair commemorative T-shirt that lists his claimed 16 World Title reigns. It's selling like hotcakes on WWE.com.
700
701Guys left after Smackdown for a huge European tour, covering Ireland, Scotland, England, Wales, Spain, Switzerland, France,
702Austria and Portugal.
703
704WWE is talking about putting together a physical Hall of Fame, which is an idea that a lot of people have talked about of late. There is at least one well-known pro-wrestling Hall of Fame located in Schenectady, New York.
705
706
707
708TNA
709
710
711Sara Lee, a former women's wrestler in the 50s and 60s for a number of promoters including Nick Gulas and the Jarretts, passed away this week. In the last several decades she was best known as being the ticket taker at local events, including the early TNA show in Nashville. They honored her in a ceremony with several other area legends on the first PPV (along with her husband of 43 years, Corsica Joe), and even used her on TV a few times in a feud of sorts with Kid Kash. She was featured in the women's wrestling documentary Lipstick and Dynamite a few years back as well. A feisty old woman and it's always sad to see them go.
712
713Dave Meltzer confirmed that TNA is on its way to being profitable in 2008. This means they will not lose money this year, but they're still perhaps decades away from making up the $35 million or so that they lost in their first five years. Nothing has changed in terms of PPV buys, but they've cut a lot of costs (some of which have been positive and some of which have made life more difficult for the undercard wrestlers who aren't making any money to begin with) and if you factor in money made from Spike, money made from international TV distribution, money made from house shows, money made from merchandising and their upcoming Midway video game, etc., they have gotten to the point where they are self-sustaining. That's good. Next step is to get someone to write Impact who has a clue, because they have shown that they have the potential to do as many as 60,000 PPV buys for shows, yet they've dipped below 20,000 several times in the past 12 months because Impact is an utter failure of a television show. Doing 60,000 buys as opposed to 18,000 is a difference of $504,000 per month, or $6 million per year. They lost about $7 million per year, so if Impact were effective like it has been effective on at least one verified occasion they could make enough per year to virtually make up what they lost per year in their entire history since their inception. This story is actually a blessing and a curse. The good news is that TNA is not going out of business anytime soon and that will allow a lot of guys to make a living in pro-wrestling. The bad news is that since it's self-sustaining and since the TV ratings, while they're not growing, are at least steady, Dixie Carter is going to be in no hurry to replace Vince Russo and company, meaning it could literally be years of this awful programming that we're going to have to sit through. Many times I have considered, for my own sanity, giving up on Impact and only watching the PPVs. I would be a very happy man if that were the case, but I feel an obligation to report on their TV. Sometimes I feel this is some sort of syndrome.
714
715TNA programming is starting in Germany. It appears to be airing weekly at random times, which is fitting given this is TNA. April 14th it airs at 3:00 PM, April 21st it airs at 2:30 PM, and April 28th it airs at 3:00 PM. They'll be showing all of Impact with no commercials (so about 90 minutes) on Premiere on the "Sport Sportal".
716
717TNA did a 1.12 rating this week, with an 0.76 in makes 18-49, an 0.55 in persons 18-49, an 0.82 in males 18-34, and 1.4 million viewers. Quarters were 1.26 (big bump from CST), 0.99 (big drop), 1.06, 0.97, 1.09, 1.09, 1.06 and 1.05. So yes, the big live show, the biggest show in the history of Impact, did a 1.00 rating, and then the week after they were back up to 1.12.
718
719What do I love, Kevin? No, not stupid criminals (well, actually, I love those as well), but rather KURT ANGLE INTERVIEWS. This one was with Kevin Eck of the Baltimore Sun. Kurt was asked how he was feeling and said he hadn't been this healthy in YEARS. He was under 210 and was in the best shape of his life since the Olympics in 1996. He said he wasn't going to BS (!!!) and claim it was the lighter schedule, because he was on the road "just as much", but only wrestled half as much. I thought it was the sheer days on the road that had him losing his mind in WWE? He said he did lots of interviews and lots of promotion and autograph signings and such. He said this was way more exciting than WWE, because WWE was already established and he was nothing but a top wrestler there, whereas here in TNA he was part of HISTORY, a man who was helping them grow. "We’re not at WWE’s level yet, but we’re going to get there. It’s fun being a part of it because I’m seeing it growing every week." He said it was great to be told that they had set a new ratings record on a given week, and "I've heard that a lot in the last year and a half or so". I often wonder who is full of shit here. Does Angle actually believe that they're setting ratings records on almost a weekly basis? Or is someone feeding him this bullshit and he is so busy that he doesn't have time to investigate it on his own? He said there is very little politics in TNA, which is true unless you are one of the guys who is the victim of politics, such as the Motor City Machine Guns recently. He said he wasn't worried about his feud with Karen killing his marriage, and that the time they spent together at Impact had actually made it stronger. He said it was fun for her and the kids to come down a few times per month, do an Impact and then go to Universal Studios. He said the first time Jarrett saw her do a promo he threw down his headset and ran up to Kurt and said THAT WOMAN IS MONEY. Hey, if anyone understands making money in wrestling over the past five years it's undoubtedly Jeff Jarrett. And more on his MMA career: "I am in the process of signing an agreement to fight Randy Couture. We both signed a no-compete clause, which means the company that I’m not allowed to say who it is, signed us to a deal where we couldn’t go anywhere else to do this; we have to do it with this particular company. That’s the first step. The next step is signing the fight. And then after that it will be, instead of me training periodically, it will be me training more consistently. So, I’m open to it. If I’m going to do it, I don’t want any guys fed to me. In other words, I don’t need to make my name bigger in order to fight a top guy. I’m there already. I know my caliber of athleticism and what caliber of guy I want to go against – it’s Randy. I consider him one of the best fighters of all time. I think Randy and I would have a heck of a fight. We’re both very well-conditioned athletes." This stuff just blows my mind. Randy isn't signing anything at this point with lawsuits out against him by Zuffa. I'll bet he's thrilled to be reading stuff like this. Angle said he was training regularly at the "Pittsburgh Fight Club" so that he'd learn proper technique and not get himself in trouble. Well, that's a real place, run by Eric Hibler who is 1-3 in MMA. That's literally all I know about it. He was asked about guys at the main event level in TNA. He said Joe was close but "isn't there yet". In fact, apparently no one is at his level, but Joe, AJ, James Storm, Robert Roode, Kaz and the Motor City Machine Guns are all on the way. He said even if you split up the Guns they would still be great. What a terrible idea right now. Actually, he did name some established stars, and it's all the guys you'd think, Nash, Cage, Sting and Booker T. In other words, nobody home grown in TNA is a star, but anyone who made their name elsewhere is. This is exactly like WCW. He said even after he retired he would stay in TNA for "at least the next ten years". Trying to fathom ten more years of Impact is quite draining.
720
721Angle is filming some sort of reality show. There were cameras following him around at Impact last week. He's also supposedly working on hosting two different television shows. Keep in mind he also claims he'll be fighting Randy Couture this fall.
722
723After all the talk of Matt Morgan being part of American Gladiators, it appears he backed out and won't be doing the show after all. It's funny because TNA decided to push him hard as a result of the tie-in, and now his push has started and there's no tie-in.
724
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726
727UFC
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730Anderson Silva vs. Roy Jones Jr. isn't happening. Both sides were open to the idea (Silva was upset that people said a great boxer would beat a great UFC fighter and wanted to prove them wrong) but then Dana White stepped in and said no way. Jones said publicly that UFC was afraid that Jones would knock Silva out in the first round and embarrass him. Well, that is a concern. The real issue is that it's a lose-lose situation for UFC. Jones Jr. is hardly the top boxer in the world and thus it's a bigger risk to lose to him than it is of benefit to beat him. As far as trying to make UFC look scared, Jones didn't mention that he had zero interest in doing an MMA fight or even a kickboxing match. In other words, he was talking tough if it was under his rules and wouldn't talk so tough if offered the fight under Silva's rules. Really, you're not a coward for refusing to take a fight under the other guy's rules, although at least Silva was willing to do so. Therefore, he is either really brave, really confident, or dumb. His trainers at least thought with six months of training he could beat Jones Jr., but we'll never know. There is certainly interest from a number of people in doing some sort of UFC vs. boxing PPV, but it's going to be tough to put something like that together for the above-mentioned reasons.
731
732Montreal has already broken the UFC attendance record.
733
734Xyience was sold this week to Manchester Consolidated Corp. for $15 million.
735
736Joe Rogan has a prior booking on April 19th and will not be doing commentary for the St. Pierre vs. Serra fight. Sucks to be him as I'd have LOVED to be able to go to that show. He'll be replaced on the entire broadcast by, of all people, Kenny Florian. They should put Matt Hughes in there for the Serra/St. Pierre fight as well, I think that would be gold.
737
738Full line-up for UFC 85 in London at the O2 Arena has Chuck Liddell vs. Rashad Evans, Fabricio Werdum vs. Brandon Vera, Nate Marquardt vs. Thales Leites, Marcus Davis vs. Mike Swick, Martin Kampmann vs. Jorge Rivera, Thiago Tavares vs. Matt Wiman, and Luis Arthur Cane (didn't he write Sherlock Holmes?) vs. Jason Lambert.
739
740
741
742Other MMA
743
744
745The official cause of death for Sam Vasquez, the first US MMA fighter to ever die as a result of injuries suffered in sanctioned competition, was "complications from blunt trauma to the head with subdural hemorrhage", or severe brain damage. Vasquez was knocked out in the third round of an Extreme Fighting show on October 20th at the Toyota Center and was rushed to the hospital. He suffered a stroke, underwent two surgeries, and spent several weeks in intensive care before passing away on November 30th at the age of 35. The head injuries he received are those normally seen in major auto accidents.
746
747The Le/Shamrock show in San Jose officially did a $1,117,855 gate, meaning Strikeforce/EXC is now the only sports entertainment promotion besides UFC, PRIDE and WWE to break the $1 million gate barrier. Even WCW during its hottest period when it was the biggest company that the world of wrestling had ever seen never broke $1 million (they came a few thousand short at their peak). Attendance was reportedly 15,192, with 14,710 tickets sold and 482 comps. Only guys outside the main eventers that got a base pay above four figures were Joey Villasenor ($18,000 to win, $18,000 to show), Mike Kyle ($10,000), and Gilbert Melendez ($50,000). Jesse Gillsepie only made $1,200. So for everyone complaining about how bad UFC pays its fighters, take note. Shamrock got $300,000 and Le got $200,000.
748
749Speaking of fighters making no money, the Afflication/Oscar De La Hoya group that a lot of guys were very excited about has apparently had a split and De La Hoya's Golden Boy Promotions will no longer be involved. In other words, the chances of the group making it or having the money to throw around huge contracts is very slim. Still, Fedor announced that he would be facing Tim Sylvia on July 19th in Dallas, TX at the American Airlines Arena, apparently for the Affliction group. It should be noted that as of press time this fight had not been signed, and you know how these things go. According to sources close to the situation, Sylvia was a guy that Fedor wasn't too hot on fighting because he felt that their styles did not match up well at all. Apparently, after seeing Sylvia tooled by Randy Couture and beaten by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, he had a change of heart. Sylvia, who had one fight left on his UFC deal, was given his release last week. Without some sort of regular TV exposure, I'm afraid this is a total no-buys fight. This group had a chance when the De La Hoya connection gave them the potential to run specials on HBO. Without that connection, I don't know what they've got.
750
751Bob Sapp's name came up this week in a story about professional athletes that may have bought steroids from Patrick Arnold of BALCO fame. It's always amazing to read about Arnold because back in the day, before the Internet got huge, Arnold was a regular poster on the misc-fitness.weights Usenet group. He used to always go on there and plug his latest concoction (he was the man behind a number of steroid precursors and prohormones before the government cracked down), and every now and then Victor Conte would pop his head in as well.
752
753Bobby Green, who last competed for Total Fighting Alliance on March 22, tested positive for marijuana and was fined $500 and suspended through June 20. Evan Thompson, who last competed at King of the Cage on March 27th, also tested positive for pot. He's suspended through June 25 and was fined $500.
754
755YAMMA Pitfighting, the new project by UFC founder Bob Meyrowitz, debuts Friday on PPV. History has shown that without TV there isn't much of any chance of a buyrate, and there really hasn't been much buzz anywhere about this. The main event has changed around and will now be Oleg Taktarov vs. Mark Kerr. It was supposed to be Taktarov vs. Pat Smith, but Smith will now be facing Butterbean (so apparently he's OK after the incident with the police we reported on last week). Butterbean was supposed to face Gary Goodridge, but Goodridge did a fight on March 30th in South Korea and got knocked out, so New Jersey said no fight for him on April 11th. Both of these fights will be two five-minute rounds. They're also doing an eight-man heavyweight tourney with Marcelo Pereira, Sherman Pendergrast, Ricco Rodriguez (didn't he JUST fight on EliteXC?), Tony Sylvester, Chris Tuscherer, Travis Wiuff, Alexey Oleynik and George Bush (yes). First rounds are all one five-minute round and the guys have to be cleared for the rest of their fights. Final match is three five-minute rounds.
756
757Apparently Dan Lebatard had been hounding his editors at ESPN Magazine for months to let him do a column on Kimbo Slice and they kept shooting him down. Then, this week they called him and said they wanted to put Kimbo on the COVER.
758
759Frank Shamrock actually broke his arm early in the third round with Cung Le and continued to not only fight on it, but stun Le with some shots and win the stand-up game. That's saying something right there. The final kick in the last 10 seconds did further damage, though, and that's when Shamrock was finished. He underwent surgery to put a metal plate in his ulna. He's out at least four months, and then he has to undergo another surgery to have the plate taken out. It'll be a long time before he can fight again. The match with Le should be next, and then the fight with Ken Shamrock afterwards if they can still come to terms.
760
761JZ Calvan vs. Shinya Aoki in a rematch has been added to DREAM 2, which takes place on April 29th. Their first fight went to a no-contest after Aoki received an illegal blow to the back of the head/neck and was unable to continue. Here's the deal, though. The winner of the fight ends up back in the Lightweight Grand Prix, and the next round takes place on May 11th at DREAM 3 -- in other words, they'll have to fight again just two weeks later. Winner faces Katsuhiko Nagata, an Olympic silver medalist and the brother of New Japan's Yuji Nagata. The rest of the tourney line-up has Tatsuya Kawajiri vs. Luis Buscape, Joachim Hansen vs. Eddie Alvarez, and Mitsuhiro Ishida vs. Caol Uno. Hell of a line-up.
762
763Didn't have a chance to see ShowXC this week but apparently it was a great show. The problem is that I try to keep pretty good track of all of this stuff and this event still snuck up on me. In fact, I thought it was Friday night and was later informed that it was actually Saturday night. I have no idea why Showtime doesn’t go out of their way to promote these. If you're going to have a mystery show, why even air the show at all? The biggest news was a huge controversy involving Po'ai Suganuma and Jared Hamman. Hamman, who was undefeated, got knocked out with a spectacular flying knee in just 15 seconds. He ended up going nuts, saying it wasn't a knockout and the fight shouldn't have been stopped. Mauro Ranallo, who was doing commentary, said it looked like a flash knockout to him. A referee's job is largely one I would not have, because you can dissect the DVD in slow motion all you want afterwards, but the ref doesn't have that option as the fight is going on. You have a split second to either say yes the fight continues or no the fight is over, and in this case he decided it was over and that was the end of that. Better safe than sorry. Fabricio Camoes beat Joe Camacho via ground and pound in just 3:30 of the first round. Quick, explosive stoppages was the theme of this show. They had a women's match between Shayna Baszler and Tama Chan, the latter of whom was supposedly a Japanese women's pro wrestler at one point. Baszler actually suplexed her, then got her back and went for a choke, and when that failed she tapped her out with a neck crank. Givanildo Santana, whose nickname is THE ARM COLLECTOR (why does everyone outside UFC have such awesome nicknames and the UFC nicknames are so lame?), collected yet another arm when he tapped out Matt Lucas. Former UFC fighter Doug Evans lost a short fight to Bao Quach, and it really sucks to be Evans as Quach was taking the fight on short notice.
764
765A bill to legalize and sanction MMA in New York has been introduced and is passing through the state legislature. These things take awhile, but I really don't think there's any good reason for it not to pass. Things may not be in effect in time for Dana to run Madison Square Garden by the end of the year, but they should be there in 2009 without much problem.
766
767Nobody from the EliteXC Shamrock vs. Cung Le show tested positive for steroids or drugs of abuse.
768
769Carlos Fuentes and Kyacey Uscola will be appealing steroid suspensions at the April 22nd Commission meeting. Both of their samples were tested by both Quest and WADA, which does not bode well for them getting off clean.
770
771Also, the latest drug testing stats from the CSAC. In the last year there were 2 violations in kickboxing. There were 10 violations in boxing. There were FIFTY THREE violations in MMA. It's pro wrestling. There were 20 steroid violations and 7 guys failed for more than one steroid. This isn't even random testing, this is testing on a day when you know LONG in advance that you will be tested. Some dumb motherfuckers here. Eight guys failed for Nandrolone (what Sherk failed for), 7 for stanozolol, 4 had an elevated T/E ratio, 3 for Drostanolone, 2 for Boldenone, 2 for Desoxymethyltestosterone, 1 for Estr-4 9-dien-3 17-dione, 1 for Hydrotestosterone, 1 for Oxandrolone, 1 for Prostanozol, and 1 for Trembolone. There were 41 drugs of abuse violations (Christ) with 3 guys having multiple drugs in their system. Thirty-six guys failed for pot, 3 for COCAINE, 2 for METH, 1 for amphetamines, 1 for methadone, 1 for morphine, 3 tests were adulterated (meaning guys tried to fuck with them), 1 refused to test (considered a violation), and 2 guys had steroids AND street drugs in their system at the time of testing. In fact, both guys had FOUR different substances in their system. Amazing. Boxing had 15 events tested top to bottom in the last year and MMA had ten.
772
773IFL ran in East Rutherford, NJ on April 4th before a claimed 5,131 at the Izod Center. In non-title bouts, former TUF fighter Alex Schoenauer beat Brendan Barrett via split decision after three rounds, and Chris Horodecki, coming off the one and only loss of his young career, beat Nate Lamotte via "close" unanimous decision. In the American Top Team vs. Miletich Fighting Systems series, LC Davis beat Rafael Dias via knockout, Emyr Bussade beat Jess Lennox via submission to a kneebar, and Mike Ciesnolevicz went to a no-contest with Carmelo Marrero. In the Midwest Combat vs. Renzo Gracie Academy series, Jim Miller beat Bart Palaszewski via unanimous decision, and Brad Blackburn beat Delson Heleno via knockout. In the two title fights, Vladamir Matyushenko beat Jamal Patterson via TKO in 3:35 of the second round after a series of unanswered strikes to retain the 205 pound title, Wagney Fabiano beat Shad Lierley (one half of the best fights of 2007 with Chris Horodecki, which was also the best live fight I've ever seen) in just 37 seconds of the first round via knockout (sucks to be him) to retain the 145 pound title, and Jay Hieron beat Mark Miller via TKO in just 2:10 of the first round to win the 170 pound title.
774
775Remember the story last week about KID'S CAGE FIGHTING? There is already a measure being introduced by Missouri lawmakers to shut it down. Right now, the only state that sanctions youth MMA is Missouri, though perhaps not for long. They said the fights border on child abuse. Meanwhile, others, including a trainer, say that if you ban it you will just FORCE IT UNDERGROUND~!, and that there are enough protective measures in place that it's not that big a deal.
776
777Randy's wife Kim Couture had her pro debut over the weekend at the Roseland Theatre in Portland, OR, home of many a Chico Alvarez vs. Buddy Wayne battle. Even though she's from Vegas and there were tons of local dudes fighting on the show she got a huge ovation. She'd done a few amateur fights before, including one that HDNet actually aired in a primetime special, but this was her first as a pro. Apparently she didn't look too hot on the ground, but the good news is that neither did her opponent, Jessica Cruz. Couture won the first round, Cruz won the second, and then Couture beat her with punches from the mount in the third. Randy was there and Kim's 11-year-old son was watching on from the front row.
778
779There was an M-1 show in Russia last Thursday with Aleksander Emelianenko winning the main event over Silvao Santos via TKO in round one. Amar Suloev also fought on the show, beating Jacek Buczko via TKO in the first, and Roman Zentsov beat Daniel Tabra via split decision after two rounds. No other major name fighters on the show.
780
781
782
783Wrestling Hither and Thither
784
785
786Test failed a test this weekend, a sobriety test. Real name Andrew Martin, now 33, he was pulled over early Sunday morning near Wesley Chapel, FL after an off-duty police officer noticed a "reckless vehicle". Test's eyes were glassy and bloodshot and his speech was slurred. He agreed to take the field sobriety test and failed. Keep in mind this took place at 10:30 AM on a Sunday morning. He was driving on a suspended or revoked license, which added to his woes, and the cops arrested him. They asked him to submit to a urine test and he refused. Later that day he posted $500 bail and was released. Martin announced his retirement recently, though he was scheduled for one last UK tour in March. He'd most recently worked for TNA, where they ended up releasing him because the heat was on regarding steroids and they felt he was way too big and muscular. Yes, they kept Scott Steiner.
787
788Very distressing post by Tracy Smother's ex-girlfriend and webmaster Renee Payne: "When I decided to end my four year relationship with Tracy Smothers I ordered a three month supply of all his medications before I took him off my insurance. I also made sure he would have the COBRA forms to be able to extend his insurance. After I moved out of our home I left all his things in a storage closet in the back of our townhouse for his friend to pick up for him. His friend did that but Tracy has not bothered to go get anything from him. That means he has none of his medications or the paperwork that he needed to extend his insurance. I found out yesterday that Tracy has not taken his medicine in close to a month. He is taking borrowed blood pressure pills and what he called nerve pills. He is still getting drunk every Monday and smoking pot daily. I know for a fact that he has been having mini strokes since early Christmas morning. It's happened to him in the ring and when he has been driving to shows. He told me himself that he had one over a week ago and in the car on Saturday. They are getting more frequent because he is off his seizure medication. He has brain damage and post concussion syndrome to the point where his neurologists told him that he should have gotten out of the ring ten years ago. Anyone who steps into the ring with him is now taking their life in their own hands. Any promoter who would consider booking him for a show is insane unless they want to see him die in their ring. When Tracy is off his medications he is delusional, irrational, and has violent blackouts as well as the seizures and mini strokes. Without his medications he will be the next Chris Benoit! I got out because I refuse to wind up like Nancy. If anyone sees him in public or at a show please encourage him to go get his medications that I have already paid for. His friend has them waiting for him here in Nashville. I am currently writing a book on dealing with his insanity. I just hope he lives until it is ready to go to press. It will be a miracle if he survives much longer. For more information about that please visit my website at http://www.reneepayne.com. I plan on donating most of the profits from the book to the Nancy and Daniel Benoit Foundation for Abused Women and Children in Atlanta. I'm not posting this to be mean or spiteful. I am trying to save his life! Please feel free to repost this information on as many websites as possible. Tracy has given his life to the wrestling business and now has absolutely nothing to show for it in return. If anyone cares about saving his life please get him to start taking his medication and get out of the ring for good. The wrestling business does not need the stigma of yet another untimely death".
789
790Some of you might remember the story of the little old lady pro-wrestling serial killer in Mexico. Or not. There was this woman, Juana Barraza, 50, who is known to have murdered at least 11 old women and perhaps as many as 40. Barraza, a former luchador, would walk the streets pretending to be a nurse and approach elderly women in need. She would offer to go to their houses and help them, but then once she was there she would strangle or bludgeon them to death. In 2006 she was spotted running from the house of a woman who was discovered to have been strangled by a stethoscope. The judge sentenced her this week to 759 years in prison, but under Mexican law, and perhaps someone can explain this to me, she can only serve a maximum of 50 years. So anyway, unless she has genetics on her side she's not getting out anytime soon. At the hearing she asked God to forgive her and not give up on her. She better hope God has been busy of late, or is unaware that she had an altar in her home dedicated to Santa Muerte (SAINT DEATH), who apparently is a popular folk saint among "thieves and drug smugglers".
791
792Former pro-wrestler Harrison Norris Jr., aka Hardbody Harrison was sentenced to life in prison and lifetime supervised release for committing multiple violations of federal sex trafficking and forced labor statutes in connection with a scheme to force women into prostitution. The story is so rife with ironies. Harrison, 42, made a windfall as part of the Sonny Onoo racial discrimination lawsuit against Turner/Time Warner. Apparently he used some of that cash to purchase a home and property that he basically turned into a slave-camp for battered women. He would collect them off the streets and promise to pay off their debts and train them to be pro-wrestlers. Once he had them under his control he basically coerced them into prostitution and forced labor (and, of course, sex with Hardbody). The girls were told that they had to work to pay off their debts and get set free, but basically anything they did would add to their debt and leave them under his control longer. He ran the house like a military camp with girls broken up into squads and having to report back to a team leader. He really did teach them some wrestling, but it wasn't like anyone ever went out working anywhere. I believe he was busted after one of the women escaped out of a bathroom window and fled to police. He was hit with 24 counts in November, including one count of conspiracy, four counts of holding women in a condition of peonage, five counts of forced labor, five counts of trafficking with respect to peonage, five counts of commercial sex trafficking, three counts of witness tampering, and one count of obstructing enforcement of a peonage investigation. The judge in the case was appalled at what happened and hit him with the hardest possible sentence.
793
794For those of you in the Seattle area, Buddy Wayne and I will be wrestling on Saturday, April 12th at the Boys & Girls Club in Tulalip, WA. I believe the show starts around 7:00 PM or so, and since I'm wrestling Buddy I would bet we go on first or second. Also, on April 16th there is a huge Mexico vs. China soccer encounter at Qwest Field in Seattle, and as part of the festivities there will be LUCHA LIBRE at the Fan Fest. The show is being put together by the Buddy Wayne Wrestling Academy in association with Coca Cola (moving up in the world) and I will be one of the luchadors. There will be several matches over the course of the afternoon, the first beginning around 4:00 and the last ending around 7:15. I think we'll do a match at the top of every hour and I'll work twice. Also, on Friday, April 25th in Elizabeth, PA at the Court Time Sports Center I will be putting my ICW/ICWA Texarkana Television Title on the line in a four-way with Larry Sweeney, Ruckus and Delirious. Larry will also be putting his Super Indy Title on the line which he won in the tournament last year. I plan to take both titles back home to the EMPIRE, because like Shawn Michaels I don't lay down for anybody. I hope some of you can make it out for these as a fun time will be had by all!.
795
796Next ROH PPV will air on May 30th.
797
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799
800CMLL
801
802
803CMLL did 11,500 fans for Arena Mexico this past week, about two-thirds full. At this point over the past few years they've done crowds in the 14,000 to 17,000 range, but the 10,000-12,000s have been consistent of late so they are happy with that. Axel, the legit grandson of Hijo del Santo, debuted on this show and got a huge ovation. He was introduced as Axel, El Nieto del Santo, and he teamed with Sagrado & La Mascara to beat Virus & Ephesto & Misterioso Jr. Babyfaces won the first fall in five minutes when Axel used his uncle (Hijo del Santo) and grandfather's finishing hold on Misterioso, the camel clutch. Bad guys took the second and the tecnicos won the third and the match. Axel was said to look very nervous, and showed "a slow rhythm", whatever that means. The consensus was that it was a better debut than many people expected because they expected it to be horrible. He's not a great worker yet by any means. He said he would be heading to Bolivia this next week to do a show honoring Huracan Ramirez, then would return. Semi-main saw Los Perros del Mal (Perro Aguayo Jr. & Averno & Mephisto) beat Hector Garza & Mistico & Marco Corleone. The focus of the match was on Averno and Mistico, who will probably be having a huge mask match at some point, perhaps at the September 75th anniversary show. Averno unmasked him in fall three and Mistico laid down for the pin to protect his identity. They did the usual challenges afterwards and will apparently be having a singles match this coming week. Corleone apparently posted Aguayo's bad shoulder too hard and Aguayo was hurting backstage. Note to young wrestlers -- never hurt an old star, particularly one so valuable. The return of Aguayo and Garza to Arena Mexico was probably the main reason they broke 10,000 fans, though Axel's debut may have sold some tickets. There were tons of fans there in Axel shirts, but the feeling is that they were given away free by the company as a promotional deal. Main was LA Park, who is getting fat, beating Ultimo Guerrero in three falls using a sunset flip powerbomb to take the third. Apparently this match was horrible. That, plus the fact that it started late (11:10 PM, and many fans take public transportation that stops running at midnight and can't wait around), resulted in people leaving in droves. Guerrero had said in a post-match that he would put his mask on the line if he lost to Park here, but no mention at all was made of this post-match. Match was called the worst Arena Mexico main event of the year by two sources and Super Luchas described it as "insipid". Yikes.
804
805April 1st Arena Mexico saw Hector Garza & Shocker & Volador Jr. beat Mr. Aguila & Damian & Terrible in three falls when the ref caught Terrible fouling Garza in the third.
806
807April 2nd was the 65th anniversary of the building of Arena Coliseo. There was ongoing construction around the building and they didn't run there for about two months, but aside from that they've run pretty much nonstop on Tuesdays since the building opened. A sellout these days, if they don't open up the balcony, is about 5,500, though back in the day they allegedly packed in as many as 6,863 with standing room only for mega matches. In fact, the two most famous matches in lucha history took place there within ten years of the building opening up, Tarzan Lopez's debut beating Santo in two straight falls, and the legendary Santo vs. Black Shadow match in 1952. It's also the home of the two most famous in-ring deaths in lucha history of Sangre India on December 15, 1979 and Oro on October 26, 1993.
808
809Atlantis was invited to put his hand in cement at La Plaza de las Estrellas, commemorating his 25 years as a luchador. The place is similar to Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
810
811The April 29th Arena Mexico show is being moved to the next day, Wednesday, and will be a show commemorating Children's Day, a major national holiday. Remember when you were a kid and you said there was Mother's Day and Father's Day, so why wasn't there a Kid's Day? And your parents would answer BECAUSE EVERY DAY IS KID'S DAY? Well, in Mexico they only get the one day, I guess, and that's it. Main event for that show has Mistico & Shocker & Marco Corleone vs. Perro Jr. & Averno & Mephisto in the main, plus a babyface vs. babyface Mexican National Trios Titles match with Sagrado & Volador Jr. & La Sombra vs. La Mascara & Valiente & Hijo del Fantasma.
812
813CMLL at Arena Coliseo on April 6th before 2,200 saw Los Perros del Mal (Aguila & Terrible & Texano Jr.) over Gray Shadow & Maximo & Valiente two falls to one in the semi-main, and Los Guerrero del Atlantida (Atlantis & Ultimo Guerrero & Toscano) (Tarzan Boy, who has returned), over Mistico & Dos Caras Jr. & Shocker when Guerrero did the old unmask-yourself-and-throw-it-at-the-babyfaces trick. It was also a fuck finish in the sense that Mistico had him in La Mistica when he did it, so when they rang the bell everyone thought the babyfaces had won, but then their hopes were DASHED.
814
815AAA announced that wrestlers from TNA and NOAH would be invited to TripleMania, which takes place June 13th, 2008 at El Palacio de los Deportes. Note that "invited" only means invited and not "will attend".
816
817Sunday April 6th was the 22nd anniversary of the passing of lucha legend El Solitario. He died on April 6, 1996 at the age of 39. The official story is that he suffered a knee injury during a match and didn't get it checked out, and then later he suffered another injury and needed "urgent surgery". His body was in such rough shape that it could not handle the anesthetic and he died. According to lucha historian Jose Fernandez, nobody actually knows the real cause of death, including his close friends, and there are all sorts of rumors and urban legends. One of them is that he was high on crack cocaine and didn't tell the doctors, and thus whatever medication they gave him on top of that ended up killing him. Blue Demon, one of his closest friends, said in his autobiography that Solitario died of "a very strange illness" that he never talked about when he was alive, and others close to him have confirmed this. It's believed he may have had HIV/AIDS. His son (legit), Hijo del Solitario, debuted five days later, but he never had the athletic ability of his father (one of the best luchadors in history) and didn't catch onto the business, plus he had major issues running with the wrong crowd.
818
819Mr. Condor ended up in the hospital this week after he "stepped through a false floor". What!? Was it a hole with sticks and leaves placed over it?
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821
822
823Vinny's Karaoke Review and DVD Showcase
824
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826
827Vinny Does Orlando: March 28, 2008, Part I
828
829
830After two glorious hours of blissful slumber, I was awakened, by, well, all of Orlando. Hundreds of people arrived at the airport at almost precisely 6 a.m., and by 6:15 a.m. the line to get through security was already snaking its way past the arrivals screen and back toward the shopping area. Sleep, sadly, was done; it was far too loud and busy at that point. It was still dark outside. That annoyed me.
831
832I read my book for a little while, then went to check on Craig’s flight. I don’t want to alarm you, but it had been delayed. Hard to imagine, I know. So I just puttered about the airport for a while. There were a ton of shops and stores at the airport but none of them were open yet. So I walked outside of the jewelry store and the sunglasses store and the Sea World store. Man! That was a party, let me tell you!.
833
834They also had a food court. Only two spots were open: McDonald’s and Chick-Fil-A. The latter option intrigued me, because there are no Chick-Fil-As in Washington, and a chicken biscuit breakfast sounded mighty fine. I had a sneaky suspicion, though, that Craig would be interested in breakfast when he finally touched down. Call it a hunch. So I passed on the biscuit.
835
836Eventually shops started to open. Well, a shop. Specifically, the gift shop, the least interesting shop of all, the shop that was basically a 7-11 at the airport, except 7-11 at least has Slurpees. The complete and total entertainment value of this gift shop ran out in less than 90 seconds, a good portion of which was dedicated to alligator heads. I assume these were fake, but they had alligator heads of various sizes sitting on shelves. More on gators later, but for the time being, I wasn’t hungry, but I was sleepy, and I needed something to wake me up. So I bought a bottle of Coke and a coffee-flavored Twix. They also had little bags of banana truffles in dark chocolate. I loves me some nanners and I require dark chocolate at least once a day, so this was BUYS. I then retreated back to my den near the baggage claim to enjoy my pre-breakfast snack. It was all very delicious. Then three minutes later all my teeth fell out and my pancreas ejected from my body like the cork from a champagne bottle.
837
838The other shops began to show signs of life. Specifically, the Sea World store, the Universal Studios store and the Disney World store. In case you can’t wait to actually arrive at the theme park and must buy Mickey Mouse ears the INSTANT you set foot in Orlando.
839
840By the grace of God, Craig’s plane finally landed. I’ve never been so happy to see a 300-pound man. Craig had slept little on the flight, largely to due to a particularly squawky volleyball team, and was not doing much better than me. We stood there waiting for this bag to come around the carousel, the two biggest, smelliest zombies you ever saw.
841
842We had to take a shuttle from the airport to the rental car place, and on the way we passed seemingly dozens of small ponds and lakes, all of which looked like perfect gator habitat. This was my first visit to Florida, and it was my understanding that the state was filled to the brim with alligators. I figured that alligators were Florida’s answer to squirrels, that senior citizens would be feeding them in the park. Everytime we saw any body of water on this trip I scanned it carefully for any sign of gators. I saw nothing. I have since decided that gators are not Florida’s answer to squirrels, they are Florida’s answer to Bigfoot: Much discussed creatures that do not actually exist.
843
844I hung out in the lobby as Craig filled out rental car paperwork. They had a little display there with about a hundred pamphlets detailing all the fun things you can do in and around Orlando, and I grabbed one of everything. From Disney World to the Arabian Nights dinner show to antique malls, I wanted to know what was going on, even if I wouldn’t get a chance to do any of it. Regardless, these pamphlets were free.
845
846Before our trip, I had produced a Google map showing the locations of the airport, our two hotels, theme parks, the sites of the various wrestling events we’d be attending and more. Every place we would need to be was shown on this map in elaborate, painstaking detail, and it would prove its worth many times over by the end of this day. There were two setbacks, however. The first was the scope of this map. All of these things were really, really, spread out. I’ve been spoiled by spending so many vacations in Las Vegas, where everything you’d want to do is on one four-mile stretch of road. Here, our hotels weren’t even in Orlando, they were in Kissimmee, which is 25 miles south. As we drove and drove and drove, I realized we’d be spending far more time on this trip in transit than I would have liked. Oh, how naive I was. The other setback was the horrible presence of TOLL ROADS. I’ve never seen one of these before, but they are EVERYWHERE in Orlando. So you’re driving along, minding your own business, when suddenly you have to stop and pay some money for, well, nothing. This seems like a blatant protection racket to me, like the worst kind of police state, and I encourage the people of Florida to defy this practice in violent rebellion. For the time being, we just paid our 50 cents here, our dollar-25 there and went on our way.
847
848We ended up missing our exit to the hotel. This was my fault, not the map’s; I had fallen into a state of near-sleep and stopped paying attention to anything. This wasn’t the end of the world, because it meant we got to take the main drag all the way through the town of Kissimmee, and it turns out Kissimmee is pretty nice. It has four or five of the coolest minigolf courses I’ve ever seen, the kind with enormous waterfalls or biplanes that seem to have crashed near the fifth tee. And there were eight million shops that ended in WORLD or LAND or CITY. There was also a place that claimed to be the greatest gift shop on Earth, when it clearly was not. Most importantly, there were probably about a half-dozen Waffle Houses on this one strip.
849
850Ah, Waffle House. As I had suspected, Craig was interested in breakfast, and I quickly convinced him we should eat here. They do not have Waffle Houses in the northwest, which is odd, because Waffle Houses really are squirrels in the South. They’re all over the place, on every street, in every tree. And they are AWESOME. Food that is so bad for your body and so good for your soul. Shortly after we arrived Craig explained to me that he really didn’t like breakfast food all that much, which made me question why he had suggested breakfast in the first place. Whatever. He ended up ordering some Texas toast sandwich thing, while I ate a man’s breakfast. Waffles! Bacon! Eggs! Toast! And best of all, grits! I had gone far, far too long without grits, and I ate the entire serving in about three spoonfuls. At the end of this wonderful, wonderful meal, my life had been shortened by at least three years, and I was truly happy for the first time since leaving my door nearly 24 hours prior.
851
852After that, we drove to the hotel. This took quite a while, and we didn’t even get lost. By now I knew that we were nowhere NEAR Orlando, and it was going to take us FOREVER to get to WrestleMania. Perhaps you are wondering why we stayed there then. Well, because it was free. We had been taken care of by a great man who wishes only to be known as “Mr. Jai Alai.” Upon checking in, we were told there was a package waiting for us, and I was handed a large, heavy box. We drove around to the back of the hotel. I dragged my suitcase and duffel bag up the stairs, and I was also cursing Mr. Jai Alai for the burden of this large box, which I was also carting around. And then we opened the hotel door. Now, I am not Buddy Wayne. I have not traveled around the world to far-off lands across multiple continents. But I have traveled on the cheap a time or two, and I can still say this was the shittiest hotel room I’ve ever seen. Small. Very smelly, like a coat of fresh paint that wasn’t strong enough to hide the fungus stench. Worst of all, there was only one king bed for two large men, and this bed was actually substantially harder than the airport floor I had napped on a few hours prior. At this moment, at that precise instant, I must confess that I cursed Mr. Jai Alai for dooming us to these accommodations that had nothing to offer and were nowhere near where we wanted to be. I admit this for one purpose, and that is to say right here, for the record, that I AM A FOOL. I did not realize this at the time, but being far from the city of Orlando was actually a huge positive, because ORLANDO IS A HOLE. So I apologize, Mr. Jai Alai, for my ingratitude. I do not deserve your favors, but they are appreciated. And among those appreciated favors was the inflatable mattress that was contained inside the mystery box. At the time, I was too tired and cranky to do anything about anything and I just collapsed in the chair in the corner. Craig, however, was ready to fight a bear if that’s what it took to avoid sharing a bed with me. And so he began inflating the mattress, in the process discovering that the hair dryer in the hotel was broken, and the bathroom had no fan. Somehow he got the thing full and threw it on the ground. I lay there, he lay on the bed, and we slept for an hour or so.
853
854When we couldn’t sleep no more, we had an errand to run. In his zombie mode, Craig had foolishly opted for the extra insurance on his rental car, so he was paying something like $40 a day for protection that his regular insurance was already covering. So we had to drive out to the car rental place (thankfully not the airport location, they had a branch in Kissimmee) to get that insurance canceled. On our way, we discovered another reason Florida sucks: You can’t turn left anywhere. Well, you can but you will end up waiting at red lights for DAYS at a time, and then only two or three cars will get through on a green light. This was repeated over and over again, and made worse by the fact that we had to turn left into our hotel whenever we returned from Orlando.
855
856On our way back, we still had some time to kill, so Craig wanted to stop by the Virgin Megastore at DisneyWorld. He explained this was a really big record store. I figured there was something else he wasn’t telling me that made this so important, but as it turns out, no, it was just a really big record store. I can confirm, however, that they had an incredibly wide selection of music, as evidenced by the great number of Hammerfall CDs they had in stock. Hammerfall is a Swedish band that sounds like Helloween did in about 1984, and they sing songs about werewolves and vampires and wizards and giants. In short, they RAWK, but the stupid American masses are oblivious to this fact and their stuff can be somewhat hard to find around here. Meanwhile, that stupid “Beautiful Girls” song that rips off “Stand By Me” gets played every six seconds. Anyway, the store also had MMA t-shirts, including -- and I have photographic evidence of this -- IFL and Tim Sylvia shirts, right next to each other. NO BUYS. Literally, nobody was buying any. Craig ended up looking around a good long while without buying anything. I asked him to buy me seasons 1 and 2 of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” but he refused. He also noted that if we had been there a day earlier or a day later, we could have caught book signings by Chris Jericho or Batista. Oh, the opportunities we waste in life. So we went back to the hotel to meet up with Bryan. And that story will have to wait until next week.
857
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859
860Bryan's TV/DVD reviews
861
862
863
864ECW
865
866
867"Featured: Chavo".
868
869Clips aired from the battle royal at WrestleMania. Kane then came out, your new ECW Champion. He explained that he'd won the battle royal, beating the likes of Snitsky, Mark Henry and Great Khali. Then, he said, he went on and beat Chavo for the title, DECIMATED HIM, in eight seconds. They've trimmed a second off of it. Welcome to Mania. He said there had been some great moments in ECW history, violent, horrible moments, but nobody had seen anything yet. That's a threat if I ever heard one. CM Punk came out with his briefcase. Kane said it was clear Punk had a good day at Mania as well. Punk said listen, I'm sorta jealous, because even though I won Money in the Bank you're the guy standing there with the title. He noted that he could get a title shot anytime he wanted, perhaps even tonight. Out came Chavo. He said listen, nobody was getting a title shot before he did. He said he had to prepare for 24 men, and all Kane had to do was attack him from behind and get a fluke win. He guaranteed that the next time they wrestled he'd win the belt back. He then signed Punk & Kane vs. himself & Shelton Benjamin in the main event. The latter is a dream team, in that I expect to be asleep halfway through the main event. Chavo noted that he'd OK'd this with Armando, so apparently he's not booker. Shelton cut a promo blaming Punk for him not winning at Mania. It was as boring as some of his recent matches. Punk said yee-haw, you can call yourself whatever you want, but you can't call yourself Mr. Money in the Bank.
870
871Clips aired of Mike Knox beating up Stevie a few weeks ago. Knox said by the time he was done with him – with Stevie Richards – that nobody would forget the name "Mike Knox". I guarantee he's wrong. Stevie vs. Knox. This is the very definition of a NO BUYS show. Match was acceptable in that it was not horrible. No heat though. Stevie made a heatless comeback and it sounded like even the announcers didn't care. In the middle of the comeback Stevie kicked him real hard in the back and Styles wanted to know what that felt like. It hurt, said Tazz. Knox then won with his move. THE BULLY ALWAYS WINS. This show is useless.
872
873Hall of Fame clips aired.
874
875Tazz interviewed Colin Delaney. He said the good news was that he didn't get beat up at WrestleMania. Bad news was that was because he didn't have a match. He said next year he would be at WrestleMania in a match because he had a WWE contract, not because he bought a ticket, but because he worked really hard at this. Colin is my hero. Armando came out and said over the past few weeks Colin had proven to him how badly he wanted to become a WWE superstar. He said he wanted to announce right now in front of all the people that he had earned his first-ever WWE contract. Colin was overjoyed. Armando then said he forgot to mention something – "APRIL FOOLS!" Colin hung his head in shame. I laughed, I admit it. Armando cackled, then said listen, if you want a WWE contract all you have to do is defeat THIS MAN. It was Big Show. We then proceeded to get the greatest squash of all time. Show came down the aisle and Colin looked terrified. By the time he got in the ring Colin was practically crying. Show just looked at him as if to say, "Son!", and Colin averted his eyes. Colin tried to step away but Show followed him. So Colin turned his back. Show put his hand on his shoulder, then grabbed him and lifted him up in a cobra clutch. Ref called for the bell. I cried with laughter. Show then helicopter'd him to the mat. A fabulous television moment.
876
877Chavo & Shelton vs. Punk & Kane. This is our main event. Good guys ran wild on the heels early, including CM Punk outwrestling Shelton Benjamin. Shelton used to be Brock's assistant wrestling coach. Heat on Punk. Shelton just needs to do the amateur gimmick and legit stretch the shit out of people, because at least it would be something different. Right now he's just a boring generic pro wrestler. Shelton's boringness baffles me, in fact. It's not like he ever does anything wrong, and some of his stuff looks really good, but it's totally boring. Same with Chavo, though he at least has his moments of excitement. Chavo put Punk in a wacky inexplicable arm hold and just sat there. Styles wanted to know what that move did. Tazz stammered and then said it hyperextended the elbow. Keep in mind Punk's arm was bent. Punk finally went for the hot tag and I've never been so happy. He got it and the place went nuts for KANE. Match wasn't bad from his point forwards. Punk finally hit Shelton with the GTS for the pin. A completely forgettable show.
878
879
880
881Ultimate Fighter Season VI
882
883
884
885This is the season where EVERYTHING CHANGES. The guys didn't seem to realize that there were 32 guys starting this season as opposed to sixteen. Dana arrived and explained the deal. He introduced the coaches, Quinton Jackson and Forrest Griffin. Forrest said when he walked in he thought the same thing he thought when he walked in the first time – what the hell have I gotten myself into? Dana said the thing that drove him crazy every season was the fucking pussies and the posers. He said every season he got sick to his stomach thinking about all the guys that wanted to be here but couldn't. He said the next 48 hours was super important, because everyone had to weigh in and fight, and you had to win to make it onto the show. Once they eliminated 16 guys, the coaches would pick teams with the final 16. He said we were going to find out who the pussies were right off the bat. This was a great speech.
886
887The guys got two days to train. Everyone made weight at least, then got taped up for fight day. Forrest said he was looking for men uglier than him, and anyone better looking needed to go to Quinton's team.
888
889First fight was Mike Dolce vs. Prince McLean. Yes, McLean. Ironically, this was sponsored by Burger King. Dolce took him down immediately and got side control. Quinton, Dana and Forrest were there doing commentary. This was wacky. McLean fought up to his feet and Dolce punched him right in the face for the knockout. Quinton said his notes for Dolce were "DAMN!" After he congratulated him, though, he noted that he smelled really bad, so he said Forrest could have him.
890
891Cale Yarbrough vs. John Clarke. Cale is 21 and has the least amount of experience. Clarke lost 17 pounds to make weight. He said he was getting too old for this, and if he failed here he was retiring. They ended up on his back and Clarke went for a crucifix, then got his back. Cale tried to get to his feet and got German'd for his troubles. Clarke almost got an armbar but Cale slipped out. Cale is friends with Forrest, I might add. Dana didn't even know either guy's name, referring to Clarke as "Cut the Weight Dude". Clarke finally got tired and Cale pounded him into submission. A good comeback by Cale, and there is a lesson to be learned about cutting so much weight.
892
893Steve Byrnes vs. Amir Sadollah. Steve is a good wrestler and got a sweet takedown early, ended up in Amir's half guard. Quinton suggested the loser of this match gets a haircut. Quinton is so fucking great. We need these three doing commentary for all these matches, preferably forever, in all future seasons. Amir finally swept him but ended up in his guard. Quinton was like every geek fan you see at an indy MMA show. "GET UP, MARINE," he screamed, "WHY DON'T YOU GET UP?" He said he was going to take notes on this one but couldn't spell what he wanted to say. Amir went for a triangle and Quinton said, "GET YOUR FACE OUTTA HIS NUTS!" I am reminded of how goddamn horrible Michael Cole and Coach are. I couldn't even watch the fights I was so entertained by the commentary in the three-man booth. HOW COULD THEY HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS IDEA BEFORE? These were such indy fights. Steve looked Ok early on but gassed or something, and Amir finally got him in an armbar for the submission.
894
895David Baggett vs. CB Dollaway. We only got clips of this one. I have no idea who anyone is. Well, the commentators didn't either. CB destroyed the guy. Dante Rivera vs. John Wood. Dante beat him ass too, winning with a kimura. Quinton was very impressed and said this man needed to teach HIM some SKILLZ~! Nick Klein vs. David Mewborn. David is a friend of Forrest. Forrest said he was very excited, but then a few minutes into the fight he was very unexcited. Nick beat him. Paul Bradley vs. Reggie Orr. Paul, a Brock-looking mother, just took him down and humped him. Forrest buried this fight and Dana was going nuts, begging Orr to do something so he wouldn't have to watch a fight like this again. "This is like watching fucking turtles fuck," he said. I love Dana. He said that sucked, but at least they only had one bad fight about sixteen.
896
897Jeremy May vs. Dave Roberts. Dave is a friend of Quinton's since childhood, so they worked together a lot before this fight. He's 4-5 and said this was clearly the most important fight of his life. May outclassed him on the feet, so Roberts tried to take him down. May immediately hooked him in a triangle and then armbarred him for the submission. Quinton was very sad. I was sad to see Quinton sad. Well, that was one damn fun show.
898
899
900
901Impact
902
903
904Last week's show was live and did a 1.00 rating, the lowest number in a long, long time. I was one of the people who didn't watch it, because I was in Orlando. So I turned this on having no idea what happened last week. They did their usual show opening video package. Usually I watch it and I write: "If I hadn't seen last week's show I would have no idea what was going on." I can now confirm that speculation. I missed last week's show and when this recap was over, I had no earthly idea what was going on. So if that's the case, what is the point of the recap? The answer is that there is no point. It is completely a waste of time. No real surprise.
905
906Show opened with Borash outside Cornette's office. Dudes were in there screaming. Borash hyped up the matches for the evening, including Sting vs. James Storm. Cornette then stormed out of the office. He was freaking out about how he had high blood pressure and a bad back. Somebody in his office whose name he did not mention had signed something he didn't appreciate it. I have no idea what's going on already. Matt Morgan than came out of the office and said he'd stepped up. All right, said JB. Yeah, all right. This had something to do with Christian. Why would anyone want to watch a TV show where it is never clear what is going on?.
907
908AJ, Tomko and Team 3-D came out. Apparently someone's team at the PPV gets an extra man. I have more to say here while these guys are ranting about something that I cannot possibly understand since I missed a show and they haven't done a single fucking thing to fill me in. The other thing that I have to say is that I never mentioned this last week, but God damn was it obvious in Orlando how little anyone cares about TNA. There were a LOT of fans in town for WrestleMania, and the impression I got from heading into the building at the Citrus Bowl is that pretty much everyone knew that TNA existed, but everyone either hated them or didn't take them seriously at all. It was kind of sad, really. Anyway, apparently the heels get a fifth man in the War Games match. Perhaps you are wondering what a fifth man means for the first 90% of a War Games match. Well, it means jack shit. Storm came out, and as soon as all the heels were in the ring out came Christian, Sting, Kevin Nash and Rhino. They were all wearing plain black shirts with "TEAM CAGE" in block letters printed on them. What a merchandise bonanza that's gonna be. Cage cut a promo on everyone, talking about random matches for later on. He called out Matt Morgan, saying he wanted to see his big goofy ass. I would not come out if someone addressed me in such a manner. Matt Morgan is not me. He got in the ring and shook hands with all the heels. Announcers were appalled. Crowd chanted "MORGAN SUCKS!" Christian wanted to know what Morgan was going to do for them. Nothing like crying babyfaces. Morgan said they could get anyone they wanted for a fifth man, he didn't care. So basically, he just changed it to five vs. five? Crowd chanted "WE WANT TOMKO!" Christian then said, no, we're fine with our four guys. So let me get this straight. The heels got an unfair advantage. Christian bitched. So Morgan said fine, get a fifth man and we'll make it even. So Christian replied, no, we'll do four on five. WHAT THE FUCK? This show boggles the mind.
909
910Borash interviewed Angle. He said he wanted to make sure that Joe would retire if he didn't win at the PPV. Borash wanted to know how he was gonna do that. Angle said you'd have to wait and find out. Eric Young walked up and said Super Eric was here tonight. Angle said he was a fool, and the only super hero around here was Kurt Angle. He walked off and Eric said Angle wasn't a super hero because he didn't have a mask or cape. Remember when Kurt said this show was gonna get more serious? Now he's involved in the idiocy.
911
912Steiner zoomed into the arena going seriously about 50 miles per hour. Petey was on the hood of the car holding on for dear life. You do realize that if he slipped off he'd have died. As in, his life would have ended, legit. This was straight out of WCW, putting a guy's life in danger for a stupid-ass fucking segment nobody would care about five minutes later. Steiner said he was gonna cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase tonight.
913
914Black Reign, Rellik, Lance Hoyt and Jimmy Rave are now a foursome with Christy Hemme, the MONSTER OF ROCK. They all did a promo together. This was worse than something you'd see on an indy show. I think we were supposed to laugh. Not sure. So this promo aired and then Christy and her crew came right out, and they were all wearing different clothes than they'd been wearing 10 seconds earlier.
915
916Monsters of Rock vs. LAX & Motor City Machine Guns. Machine Guns ran wild early and it was great, then the heels cut off Homicide and went to work. Hernandez got the hot tag and ran wild. Hernandez has grown a PHAT mustache. Broke down into an eight-way and Homicide hit a big dive to the outside. Hernandez ended up killing poor Rave with a border toss for the pin. Place counted along for the pin and went nuts. Very fun TV match, if you ignore the whole We Missed Half of It Due To Commercial part. So the heels beat on the babyfaces four-on-four and Kaz ran down to make the save. Yes, the babyfaces needed an unfair advantage. Then he got beat up, so the heels were now winning four-on-five. Super Eric finally ran down to make it SIX-ON-FOUR, and only then did the babyfaces clear the ring. And you wonder why nobody is over in this company.
917
918Borash interviewed Sting, who said it felt REALLY GOOD to be back in TNA. Well, if I were being paid $10,000 per week to sit at home for 75% of the year I'd probably say the same thing. He vowed to make James Storm a star tonight. Write that down.
919
920More with Kip and BG James. This was the best one yet because it was just both guys talking about how they wanted to beat the shit out of each other. I am still wondering why BG is cutting all his promos in front of a playground or jungle gym.
921
922Sit down interview with Awesome Kong & Raeesha Saed. Tenay said there were some stipulations, such as that he couldn't ask questions too personal and the interview could be ended at any time for any reason. So he asked where they came from. Saed said she was born in Syria and came to the US when she was 15. Kong was born in America (???) but made her home in Japan. He wanted to know how they met. Saed knew Kong for many years and they met in the Dojos of Japan. Tenay wanted to know why the dress? Saed said it's none of your business. Tenay wanted to know if anyone could beat Kong. The answer was no. AND THAT WAS THE WHOLE INTERVIEW.
923
924A video deal aired for Consequences Creed.
925
926James Storm did an interview. He said a 20 foot fall couldn't keep him down. He fell off a scaffold, remember? Hell of a way to get a stip over. He said they saw Rhino and Christian kissing and making up on TV and he was appalled, especially since people called HIM "Brokeback". He said Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he had no respect for him.
927
928AJ & Tomko vs. Rhino & Christian. Good match with great heat. They worked over Rhino a bit early then got the heat on Christian, and we immediately went to a commercial break. The first commercial was a Star Wars Weekend promo for Spike. This 10 seconds was better than anything on Impact so far. There was a very annoying screaming girl somewhere in the first few rows who must never be allowed back into the Impact Zone. Christian finally hit the impact DDT and got the hot tag. Ref didn't see it. This was the second hot tag he didn't see, so Rhino went nuts and gored the ref. "THIS IS HOW YOU TAKE YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT!" said Mike Tenay. Well, I hope TNA isn't marketing to 6-11 year olds. Broke down into a four-way with no ref and that fucking annoying-ass screaming girl. Rhino killed AJ with an awesome gore, then Team 3-D hit the ring for the beatdown. Nash made the save with a chair. Out came Jim Cornette. He was livid and had the babyfaces disqualified. Don West was appalled.
929
930Cornette was screaming at Morgan backstage about the fifth member thing. Didn't Morgan say the babyfaces could have a fifth man and they turned it down? Morgan said he'd solve the problem. Tonight, he said, he was going to referee Sting vs. James Storm and he guaranteed no one from War Games would interfere. Cornette said he'd better hope so or he might lose his job.
931
932SoCal Val and Jay Lethal were in the hot tub. Lethal was too cheap to buy water or something so he snuck into hotel hot tubs. Anyway, they were about to kiss when Sonjay Dutt rose up out of the water and broke it up. Yes, they didn't know he was in there the whole time. Then it ended. It was like 20 seconds. LAMENESS.
933
934Shark Boy vs. Elix Skipper in an Xscape the Cage qualifier. I can't believe the PPV is this coming weekend. Horrifying. That woman kept screaming. Why would you do this? Seriously. Skipper tried his rope walk and Sharkie shoved him off, hit a dropkick, and made his Steve Austin comeback. He did a very Steve Austinesque top rope frankensteiner followed by a stunner for the pin. This was fine. There were some boos for his win, I might note.
935
936Traci did a promo. She said do you see any bruises or marks on my back from the strapping at the PPV? Crystal said no. NO. That's right, there are none. They healed, Traci said. Complete morons. Tonight, she said, she was gonna kill Peyton. "Paybacks are a bitch, and so are you!" Up walked Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, who said they hated her for acting like such a bossy veteran. They said they'd leave her alone tonight but she better watch herself in the future. Even Traci was confused.
937
938Crystal interviewed Shark Boy. It's really quite simple, she said of the Xscape the Cage rules. Of course, it wasn't. Sharkie started cutting a promo but then Curry Man showed up and started dancing with Crystal as the lights dimmed and wacky music played. This ruled. .
939
940Peyton vs. Traci. They once again plugged TNA Mobile by saying we could hear the story about the WWE wrestler that got in trouble for being at Impact last week. Lovely. These two had a decent match all things considered. Peyton didn't look too hot. Traci won with a facebuster off the top. A tornado facebuster, in fact. Team pr0n~! jumped her afterwards. Salinas made the save, then Jackie ran in, then Roxxxie LeVeaux, then Christy Hemme, then Sharmell with her strap. She cleared the ring of the heels. Booker came down the aisle afterwards and commanded Sharmell to get out of the ring.
941
942We got a Joe training session video package. He was showing doing MMA style training, hitting the pads, doing submission work and grappling, etc. He then cut a promo about how Kurt could train all the single legs he wanted but whenever he shot he was going to give him a knee or punch him in the face, and that he was going to show him that his gold medal didn't mean shit. Very good segment.
943
944Angle came out with his title. He said he wanted Joe to sign a legal document next week saying that if he didn't beat Angle via pinfall or submission he had to walk away from wrestling forever. Scott Steiner came out with his briefcase. He said he wanted the world to know what he was cashing in his World Title shot after Lockdown, so either Angle or Joe better be prepared. He said he would give them one month to prepare, then they had to face him for the belt at Sacrifice. Crowd chanted "ANGLE!" Angle offered his hand. Steiner said he wasn't shaking his hand because Angle needed to win at Lockdown first. He said he'd seen who Joe was training with and how he'd been training, and Angle wasn't going to win.
945
946Matt Morgan had a stupid fucking booking idea. It's a REVERSE CAGE MATCH WITH THE GIRLS. I am not making this up. Fuck you, Russo. Cornette openly mocked the idea, then warned him not to fuck up the refereeing of the main event or he'd be fired. So after Morgan left, Cornette said Borash, I have a great idea for Lockdown, let me know what you think. He basically ripped off Morgan's reverse cage match with the girls concept word for word. OK, that was at least funny. But they're doing the match, which is no buys.
947
948Sting vs. James Storm with Matt Morgan as referee. We got a major commercial break right in the middle of the match as usual. When they returned Sting was making his big comeback. How can you get heels over when we never see them getting any heat? Must suck to be a heel in this company. Actually, it sucks to be everyone, because there is always a commercial when the heels are getting the heat, and the babyfaces are all crybabies that need a major numbers advantage to win a fight. Sting looked fine for a 49 year old man but was wrestling wearing a t-shirt. He put on the sharpshooter and Jackie tried to interfere, but Morgan caught her on a crossbody and tossed her outside. Storm tried to use a baseball bat but Morgan snatched it from him, then threw it to Sting. Sting hit Storm with it and got the pin. So yes, the swerve is that Morgan is a babyface after all. Team Tomko came out afterwards to scream at Morgan, so Team Cage made the save. The usual from Impact.
949
950
951
952Smackdown
953
954
955Edge and His Edge Guys and Vickie came out. Vickie was all made up and wearing a golden gown. She was in her wheelchair of course. Teddy Long and Chavo Guerrero were also there. What a motley crew. Edge said he had never been so ticked off in his life, standing out there feeling naked. He said losing to the Undertaker felt like he'd let himself down, like he'd let down all his friends and fans. They booed. But most importantly, he said, he'd let his baby down. Awww. Crowd thought he sucked. "I'm sorry," he said. But, he promised, on their passion and love and his loyalty and faithfulness to her, very soon once again he would be the champion. Chavo said he also felt like he let everyone down. He said Kane cheated and didn't have the guts to take him on face-to-face, and that he, too, vowed to win back his title. Vickie, who is the greatest heel ever, cut a promo saying as General Manager of Smackdown it was her pleasure to announce that they would both be getting rematches at Backlash. She also wanted to announce that both of their opponents would face each other in the main event tonight – Undertaker vs. Kane, champion vs. champion. The heels clapped and cheered and everyone else booed. I love this faction.
956
957Clips aired of Matt Hardy making his return at WrestleMania. Then we got Matt Hardy vs. MVP. Yes, no waiting for the PPV, nothing, not even a one-week build. The story of Matt's career. Announcers noted that Matt had been waiting for this match for five months. Please continue to remind me how dumb this is. Match had way less heat than you'd think. I love the moments on Smackdown when the announcers just stop talking. It's not like on Raw where they stop talking at important moments so you can digest what's going on. Instead, it's like neither guy has any idea what to say and they just sit there for awhile. A completely baffling match. They went on forever. It just kept going and going and going. And then Matt went to work on his leg. Yes, Matt got the HEAT on MVP. So he worked over the leg, applying all sorts of holds, and then MVP finally cut him off. Coach was talking about how valiantly MVP was fighting through the pain, still wrestling on one leg. Coach is supposed to be a heel commentator and I guess by saying this we were supposed to think he was lying or something. I don't know. All I know is that when Coach said MVP, the heel, was fighting valiantly, I thought, "Yes, he is!" So then Matt made another comeback and won clean with the twist of fate. Crowd got into the comeback and finish, at least, so from that perspective it was a success. They said Matt was now firmly in the US title picture.
958
959I should add that MVP is now the longest reigning US Champion in history. Yup, that includes NWA, WCW, etc.
960
961Festus vs. Zach Ryder. The Rated Rmy did a 80s-style pre-taped promo before the match. That was wacky. Cole said if you've never seen Festus before, you were in for a treat tonight. A TREAT. Coach said, and I quote, "You are about to be amazed!" Well, they're targeting those 6-11 year olds all right. Festus destroyed both guys, then went to work on Zach with much head-related offense. It was wacky. It will be tough to take it seriously higher on the card. He is a strong man, I'll give him that. Festus won clean with his move. The gimmick is still very limiting and the fucking biscuits and gravy music has GOTS to go.
962
963HBK came out looking morose. It was a Who Dressed You? Day for HBK, God bless him. He said he came out on Raw and did his best to address the emotions he felt since WrestleMania. He said he didn't do a good job and couldn't guarantee he'd do any better tonight. He said as the night wore on, during the farewell address of Ric Flair he came walking to the ring and he didn't know what was going to happen. He found himself standing face to face with his boyhood idol and he watched his eyes fill up with tears and then he got a hug from the Naitch. He said that gave him some closure, so he came here tonight to Smackdown so he could take the opportunity to – and Big Dave's music hit. Big Dave does NOT approve. He said he was glad Shawn found closure, but he didn't think the rest of us had. He said Sunday was one of the hardest matches of his career, and it wasn't just because of his match with Umaga. He said it was the last time he was ever going to see his mentor and friend Ric Flair compete in the ring again, and it bothered him personally. He said Ric loved to compete, he loved to entertain, and Shawn took it all away from him. Shawn said that was not easy for him, it was the hardest thing he'd ever done. Batista said Shawn had a decision to make, and Shawn had to know in his heart that he didn't make the right one. Shawn said no, he did the right thing, Flair asked him for his A game at WrestleMania and he respected and cared enough about him to give it to him. He said Dave would have done the same thing. Dave said no, he wouldn't have let his ego get in the way of his friendship. "I had a job to do, Dave, and I did it!" Shawn said. Dave said no, you had a job to do but you didn't. He said he forgot, Mr. WrestleMania Shawn Michaels "didn't do jobs". He said he heard all the stories about Shawn, about what a huge ego he had, but he didn't believe it because that wasn't the Shawn he knew. Now, things were different. "You are the most selfish man I know." He said all Shawn had to do was lay down one time and he couldn't do it. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Dave," said Shawn. Batista said he could say he was sorry all he wanted, but it didn't change the fact that Flair wasn't there and Dave would never be able to drive down the road with his friend again. He said Shawn had promised to put Old Yeller out of his misery. "Is that the way you see Ric Flair, the greatest pro wrestler of all time? Like some type of sick, pathetic dying dog?" He threw down the mic. This was a fantastic performance by old Dave, and Shawn was awesome as always. Dave was booed as he stormed off. I cheered.
964
965Vladimir Koslov debuted. Really. The DOUBLE DOUBLE E guy. He faced MATT BENTLEY. I am not making this up. Whatever happened to his career? Koslov won in a minute. He wasn't hideous. It is funny that he's doing the Mad Russian gimmick in 2008. Bentley is doing a one-week tryout in Florida, hoping to get signed. Funny to see him follow HBK and be crushed like this.
966
967Miz & Morrison vs. Redneck & Reject. Remember all the fun matches these guys had? Well, we didn't get another one. Tag champs won in a minute. It gets better. Great Khali ran out afterwards and destroyed everyone. I love how they can't just bury random geeks, they have to bury champions. Why have belts then? Khali press slammed Yang over the top to the floor. Coach said he had to have been at least 10 feet in the air. Yes, underestimated how high he was. What a fool. Khali cut a promo afterwards, then out came Big Show. YEAH. This is a feud I need to see. Khali once again backed down and walked out. Well, they're doing it right. They shouldn't touch until the PPV, because the moment they do nobody is gonna want to see it.
968
969Finlay and Hornswaggle return next week.
970
971Teddy Long said tonight they were gonna announce the winner of the Smackdown Top Diva contest. The winner, he said, would receive a spectacular custom motorcycle. He introduced the dudes behind the Beverly Hills Choppers motorcycles, then introduced the two finalists, Cherry and Michelle McCool. Yes, Cherry made it to the final two. She's got her own music, a fucking AWESOME 50's style doo wop song. SHE MUST WIN. Of course, she didn't. She also didn't even pretend like this was a surprise. Suddenly, out came Victoria. She said everyone knew this contest was a joke and she could care less about the fans that voted. She said SHE was the number one Diva on Smackdown and was there to prove it. Michelle attacked her and they had a brawl. Suddenly, a mystery girl debuted and destroyed both Michelle and Cherry. IT'S NATTIE NEIDHART. So yes, no Chuck Palumbo to destroy the bike. Michelle actually got posted of all things. That was wacky. She was up shortly afterwards, not bleeding or even selling all that much. A thumbs down segment.
972
973UNDERTAKER VS. KANE. They did a HIGH SPOT early. You should have seen Kane running. Then they did ARM HOLDS and CHAIN WRESTLING. This is an incredible television moment. Taker did a single leg – I guess – and did a leg hold, then they both just stood up. Another lock-up and more chain wrestling. They each worked over the other's arm. Crowd was getting impatient. They ended up in the corner and the ref asked the two "GENTLEMAN" to break. Kane shoved him so Taker punched him and the fun was over. They did some shit, then teased a DOUBLE CHOKESLAM. Sadly, we didn't get it. I need to do that on an indy show one of these days, because it's a preposterous spot I've always wanted to see. So Taker shoved him off and they hit the DOUBLE BIG BOOT, almost as great, and both were down. As they started to get up, Edge, Chavo and Those Edge Guys hit the ring for the lame DQ. At least they didn't kill the ECW Champ. Taker and Kane then did the dual zombie sit-up and destroyed everyone. Edge and Chavo took the double chokeslams and double tombstones to end the show. I didn't see Smackdown last week, and for some strange reason I missed it. After this show I'm not entirely sure why.
974
975
976
977Raw
978
979
980Show opened with William Regal in mid-ring saying it was time to announce the Raw World Title match for Backlash. He called out Orton first. They're pushing this as the AGE OF ORTON. Hope it's not a short-lived age then. Regal then introduced his opponent for the PPV, JBL. Lots of boos, but not overwhelming boos. It was boos as if the people were saying, "THIS IS LAME." JBL came out and wanted a handshake but Orton refused to give it to him. Regal was hyping up the match when suddenly out came HHH. He was super over, I'll say that. I mean, these people were going batshit for him. "Are you out of your frikkin' mind?" Hunter asked Regal. "This is your main event for Backlash!?" Goddamn good question. He said Orton may have said he was finished with Hunter, he (Hunter) wasn't finished with him. He said Orton may have retained at the PPV but he didn't really beat anyone. He said he hit a pedigree and Orton stole the pin, and that's not much of a win. It's a three-way, geek, sure it is. Hunter also wanted to know why JBL was getting a title shot since he'd been retired for two years and since coming back his biggest claim to fame was slapping around a midget. Speaking of slapping around, whoever the fuck allowed that line about how JBL was retired and came back, a week after Flair's retirement ceremony, should be slapped around and then fired. Regal finally said fine, if you want into the match you must qualify. He signed Hunter vs. JBL & Orton in a handicap match for later on. Heels were happy. He said if Hunter won, it would be a three-way at the PPV. Heels were sad. They didn't see this coming? What did they think "qualifying match" meant? Regal said if HHH lost, he was out, too bad for him. Say what you will about Hunter, but the storyline of him constantly getting screwed out of his belt is simple and will end up effective.
981
982Umaga vs. Val Venis. No joke. Long nerve hold as well. No one cared. Umaga won with the thumb. And there you go. There was a segment for you.
983
984Jillian Hall & Melina vs. Ashley & Mickie James. Ashley got hurt almost immediately, tweaking her right knee taking a bump off the middle rope. This is what happens when you have absolutely no wrestling talent or athletic ability and they constantly put you in the wrestling ring every week. This actually makes me mad. She quickly tagged Mickie, who ran wild on Melina and then pinned her with the jumping implants DDT. Clips aired of Flair's awesome weekend. What a great time that was.
985
986Cade & Murdoch vs. Brian Kendrick & Paul London. They cut off London and got the heat. Kendrick got the hot tag and ran wild on Murdoch. London ended up taking the ref and Cade hit the ring to give Kendrick his sitout spinebuster. He fucked it up the first time so he picked him up and hit it again. Murdoch went to make the cover as the ref turned around and Kendrick small packaged him for the pin. If you haven't figured it out yet, I believe the plan is to split up Cade and Murdoch, and that doesn't bode well for Murdoch's future.
987
988JBL and Orton had a meeting backstage. Orton said he didn't want to hear the speech about how they didn't get along but needed to work together tonight. Orton said listen, I've beaten HHH before and I'll do it again tonight, and all you have to do is stay out of the way.
989
990HHH vs. JBL & Orton in a handicap match. So what's the main event? Hunter looks leaner and more muscular than he's been of late. Regal was out there watching. What a main event this is!, said Lawler. Is this a special one-hour Raw and we haven't been alerted? A fun TV three-way, as Hunter is a great babyface and Orton and JBL are great heels. JBL finally set up for the clothesline of death, but Orton blind-tagged himself in. JBL was screaming that he had him, but Orton didn't care. He ran in and tried for the RKO, but Hunter shoved him into JBL, then pedigree'd the champ for the pin. A very good match. So Regal got into the ring afterwards and reluctantly said that at Backlash it would be a three-way for the WWE Championship. Cue Cena's music. He congratulated Hunter for winning his shot at Backlash. Fans were chanting "YOU SUCK!" Cena told Hunter, listen, I beat you at the Rumble and I beat you at the WrestleMania one-on-one. He said he beat JBL for his first WWE Title and retired him (STOP SAYING THAT FUCKERS), and also beat Orton at Backlash last year. Long story short, he wanted a four-way instead. Regal said listen, Cena, you've given me a great idea! It's my goal to make Backlash as big as it can possibly be, so listen, I'll give you the same deal I gave Hunter. He signed Cena vs. JBL & HHH, and if Cena won it would become a four-way as he'd requested. SO WE DO HAVE A MAIN EVENT. SOMEONE SAW THE FUTURE WHEN PUTTING THIS SHOW TOGETHER.
991
992Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Santino & Carlito. Santino now not only has a Mohawk, but a Mohawk with a ponytail. Holly went for the Alabama slam early but the ref was distracted and Carlito gave him a DDT for the heat. That was the only heat because nobody cared about this match. There was also some botchery involving the ref, who was demanding legal tags that he saw. Goofy. Bob finally hit a full nelson slam and a dropkick, then gave the HOT HAND to Cody. Santino as serious wrestler is no buys. And no sooner should I speak than he knocked Cody off the top rope and did the OVW SALUTE~! diving headbutt for the pin. Santino was so excited running around ringside afterwards, like he'd actually won the tag titles or something. Cody and Bob are still tag champs I think. If they are this was non-title. Anyway, Lawler was also making fun of Santino's love handles. This was the same day they found steroids and GH in Mike Knox's old house. Nice.
993
994Skit with Cryme Tyme. They were selling stuff the stole, I guess. This went on forever. Sounded like the crowd got into it, so I can't complain too much.
995
996They recapped the Great Khali vs. Big Show feud. You think I am making this up. Wrong.
997
998JBL met with Hunter about the main event. He said this was a numbers game, they all had a 1 in 3 chance without Cena but only a 1 in 4 chance with him. He was sitting there ranting and raving and then realized that Hunter was listening to his iPod and not paying any attention. He wanted to know why nobody ever listened to him. Hunter said because he was an ass. I like how Hunter is too cool to care.
999
1000Glamazon vs. Maria. A mess of a match early, including Beth slamming her right into the ropes. Then she tried a wacky hold and it took her two tries to get it on. If things weren't bad enough, Maria then made a big sloppy comeback and got a few nearfalls. Beth then hit her with a fisherman buster for the pin. They gave Maria far more than you'd expect, but in execution this was quite lacking.
1001
1002Y2J was in the ring for the Highlight Reel. He called out his two guests, Shawn Michaels and Batista. They'd had a text message poll asking the fans whether Shawn had done the right thing at Mania. It ended up with 65% saying yes and 35% saying no. Shawn said everyone needed to realize that it was Ric Flair who challenged him at Mania, he asked him to be Mr. WrestleMania and that's who he got. Jericho said yes, we know. They replayed Shawn moonsaulting onto the table numerous times. Jericho said that was insane, and Shawn had put his body and his ribs on the line to accomplish his goal, and his goal was to retire Ric Flair. He said come on, you nearly killed yourself to beat Flair, can you really be sorry? Shawn said yes, of course. Batista suddenly jumped up and said to hell you are, the only thing you're sorry about is everyone giving you hell about this, all you wanted was another notch on your belt. Shawn then freaked out, saying shut the fuck up, Dave, you knew him for five years but he's been my idol since I was a child. He said where was your friendship leading up to that match, where was your friendship at the Hall of Fame, where was your friendship at WrestleMania trying to talk Flair out of stepping into the ring? He said the reason Flair didn't ask Dave to be the other main in the ring with him was because he knew Dave didn't have the nerve, that there was only one man he could trust to do the unthinkable, one man with the character to carry that burden for the rest of his life. "And you're looking at him." He said there was so much blood on his hands, some he was proud of and some that he was not, and no matter what anyone said, Mania was the hardest night of his career. Dave said it was because of all those battles, because of all that blood on his hands, that he trusted him. "I trusted you to do the right thing!" Shawn said he did the right thing. Batista said he didn't and that he'd never trust him again. Shawn said listen, fucker, I'm sick of saying sorry, you want some of me, do something about it. Crowd chanted "HBK!" Dave smiled, then said, "I already have." Then he backed away and left the ring. Lots of boos for Dave. This was a great segment.
1003
1004Regal was on the phone and said it was settled. He told Orton that it was official for Backlash, HBK vs. Batista. That's it? Lame. Dave should have jumped him at some point and stomped a mudhole in him (from behind, preferably) and then Shawn could flip out and challenge him to a match. Anyway, Orton didn't care, he was pissed about the main event. "You have overstepped your bounds! I deserve to be treated with more respect." Regal said as champion he should take on all comers, and in fact, next week at Raw in London Orton was going to learn all about respect. "And your opponent will be me." AWESOME!.
1005
1006Cena vs. HHH & JBL. This is what we needed, two matches on Raw with JBL. Cena got his usual mixed reaction. Orton came out to watch and slinked around ringside. JBL refused to tag early, preferring to stiff the shit out of Cena. This went on forever. Cena finally made his own comeback and ran wild. JBL tried to tag but Hunter backed off, telling him that he appeared to be doing just fine. Cena hit the five knuckle shuffle and JBL tried another tag but Hunter refused again. JBL wiped Cena out with a boot and had an argument with HHH on the apron. This is dying. Hunter then hit the ring and brawled all over the place outside with JBL. Orton took a bump in here courtesy JBL. Ref didn't count the punch as a tag, and as he was getting HHH out of the ring Orton ran into the ring and hit JBL with an RKO. Cena then got the pin. Worked slightly better than it sounds reading it here, but also a bit overly complicated. So yes, it's a four-way at the PPV. Yippee.
1007
1008wrestling news
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1018F4W~!#667 - "I'M SORRY. I LOVE YOU." - APRIL 7, 2008
1019BY OBSERVER STAFF | STAFF@WRESTLINGOBSERVER.COM | @WONF4W
1020TWITTERFACEBOOKGOOGLE+
1021WHOO!
1022
1023The career of the best in-ring performer in the history of wrestling came to an end on Sunday night when Shawn Michaels, after whispering our headline this week, superkicked Ric Flair and pinned him in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania 24.
1024When I was growing up, there were three pro wrestlers that I wanted to be -- Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair. I had my first matches inside a ring just a few years before Bret retired, so from that point forwards it was largely Shawn and Flair. I have already forgotten where it was, but Shawn did an interview somewhere in the past week where he said that when he was growing up he always wanted to be Flair, and his thought process was, well, if I want to be the best there is then I should emulate the best there is. And as I got going as a wrestler, to me Shawn and Flair were the best there was. I was never even close to being in their league, but I always thought that if I could get in the same, oh, universe than I would have done all right for myself. In fact, this newsletter, which has been my main source of income for all of my adult life, is a tribute to Ric Flair's finishing move.
1025
1026It was really something to be sitting there in the Citrus Bowl on Sunday night, March 30th, 2008, along with some 70,000-odd fans, watching the final match in the career of Ric Flair, a match that happened to also feature Shawn Michaels. If ever there was a dream match for me, this was it. Unless a hole has developed in a vital part of my brain, the only other high-profile singles match between the two that I can remember took place in the early 90s, and I remember being so exited to see it and so disappointed afterwards. It was Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels, by God, and it was short and I seem to recall it having a lame countout finish. Shawn remembers that match as well, much more vividly than I do, because he was the Shawn Michaels in question, and he was in the ring with Ric Fucking Flair, and he was like a little child having the time of his life.
1027
1028In a way, I wonder if Shawn Michaels got to enjoy his only other major league match with Ric Flair. As noted last week, the pressure was on. As a wrestler, I am trying to imagine what I would be thinking if, for example, Shawn Michaels came up to me and said he wanted me to have his final match, because he wanted it to be among the best of his career and he had more faith in me being his opponent than anyone else. My mind cannot even formulate such a thing. But this was the task asked of Michaels, the man whose legacy is that he always steals the show at WrestleMania, and unlike all those times in the past he was not going in there with an awesome athlete like Kurt Angle or Chris Jericho or Steve Austin, and he wasn't going to be put in a position where he could carry a man with smoke and mirrors, like he'd done in the past with the severely limited Vince McMahon. This was Ric Flair, but it was not the Ric Flair of the late 70s, early 80s, 1989, or even 2003. This was a 59-year-old man who was now very limited in what he could do and who had not had the ability to wrestle night in and night out and keep his cardio up, and the idea was to do an all-time classic, a show-stealing match with no gimmicks, just straight pro-wrestling.
1029
1030Over the last three days I've thought a lot of things about this match and had a lot of different opinions about it. When the live match ended, I was sad. I was sad because Ric's career was over, I was sad that the match didn't go on last, I was sad that the match didn't get the same reaction and reverence that Flair alone received at the Hall of Fame ceremony the night before, I was sad that they didn't even play his music afterwards, and I was sad that it was not the best match I'd ever seen in my life.
1031
1032It was not a bad match by any stretch of the imagination, and in fact in certain ways it was perfect. But as a fan of Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels my entire life, what I wanted on Flair's last night was for him to go in there and be the Ric Flair of 1989, and for Shawn Michaels to be the Shawn Michaels of the mid-90s, and for the two of them to have the best match that anyone had ever seen in their whole entire lives. I knew that was not going to happen and could not happen, but there was still that part of me deep down that wanted nothing less, and when I didn't get it I was sad. And really, I didn't even want it for myself, I wanted it for Ric Flair.
1033
1034Michaels in an interview this week said basically the same thing: "I want to honor [Ric] the best way I can, and that's to give him the best match he has ever had. I know that's what he wants, and I know that's why he picked me. I take this very seriously. The idea of not doing that will hurt me greatly. That's something I don't want to face. The idea of him being gone and the business without Ric Flair are something I'm going to have a real hard time adjusting to.''
1035
1036The idea of the match was for Ric to go in there and do all the things he used to do one last time. That meant the flip into the corner, the toss off the top, the figure fours and the eye rakes and the chops and the high backdrop and the delayed vertical suplex and the kneedrop. Some of them he hit perfectly. Others he teased, but then delivered something else as a pleasant surprise. I was actually debating all week whether he should go up top and get thrown off, or whether he should actually hit a move off the top instead. Part of me thought that it would only be right for him to be thrown off. He thought otherwise.
1037
1038And then there were a few things that just didn't work. They tried the bridge up to the feet spot and it just wasn't happening. I wanted so, so bad for it to happen that my stomach just dropped when they failed. It was heartbreaking. Flair looked at one point like he was going to try the Ray Stevens bump into the corner, but then there was a pause and it didn't happen; likely he knew he wasn't going to make it and changed his mind. I wanted him to make it, bad.
1039
1040There were the old Ric Flair tricks, the dirtiest player in the game doing what he does best, trying to cheat. He raked Shawn's eyes, he mule-kicked him, he rolled him up and pulled the tights. The set-up for all of this was so perfect. And they worked hard; boy did they work hard. Flair was in just about the best shape he was going to be in after 59 hard-living years, and it was pretty clear he told Shawn backstage to lay it in. He even told him during the match, particularly during the first highspot when he commanded Shawn twice to run him over.
1041
1042And then there was the finish.
1043
1044Shawn on Monday said he was going to put a bullet in Old Yeller Flair, which led to one of the best promos on Raw in God knows how long. Shawn had second thoughts early in the match, so Flair grabbed him and put him in the figure four. Shawn later ended up hitting two superkicks, then headed to the corner to set up the third and final one. Flair very slowly got to his feet, tears streaming down his face and clenching his fists, and begged Shawn to bring it on.
1045
1046Ric Flair loves just about everyone. At the Hall of Fame ceremony on Sunday night, after commanding the fans to please sit down after a five minute standing ovation, he proceeded to thank I believe every single person he'd ever worked with in WWE. And I mean everyone, all the way down to cameramen and production people, by name. The best parts of his speech were those that came from his heart, where he prefaced them by saying, "This isn't in my speech", and thankfully there were a good deal of those. I think he spoke for about twenty to thirty minutes before he finally said it was time to get on with the real speech if that was OK with everyone. It was OK. He then began to cover his career from day one, his training with Verne Gagne in the early 70s before I was born and before my parents even got married. He spoke of everyone, often getting emotional. I remember the next day someone sent me a text asking why he hadn't said anything about Arn, and I realized that they'd had to butcher this speech for television. I haven't seen the TV version, but I believe they had an hour for Rock and Flair and I think between the two of them they spoke for three hours. Believe me, he mentioned goddamn near EVERYONE, the only notable exception being Sting. And for all I know he may have had plenty to say about Sting, but at about the hour and a half mark he got the first nudge from Hunter to start wrapping things up. I believe he got three nudges, and each nudge got booed louder than the last. Because of the nudges, he cut out about ten full years of his career or so. Of course, his few brief mentions of WCW were not at all positive, so maybe he had no desire to speak of that period at all.
1047
1048Hunter introduced him by saying Flair shouldn't just be in the Hall of Fame, he should have his own wing. He talked about how he grew up idolizing Flair, and how one day he had gone to a gym convention, driven hours in fact, just to get a chance to meet the Nature Boy. He walked into the hotel and heard a loud commotion in the bar. As he turned the corner he saw Flair, wearing nothing but a pair of dress shoes and socks, and with a balloon -- a BALLOON -- tied to his penis. He said right there he knew that all the crazy stories he had heard about this man were true. He talked about how so many guys had been influenced by Flair, and how at his peak he could carry a broomstick for 60 minutes and it would be a great match. He said people liked to throw around the term "arguably", how Flair was "ARGUABLY" the best of all time, and he was still waiting to hear the argument about why he wasn't. He called out Flair, who got a five minute standing ovation. I was hoping it would break the ridiculous record for Hogan, but it was not to be. Flair did command everyone to sit down at one point, and it was funny because when he asked people to sit down it was the NATURE BOY asking them to sit down and so they all sat down immediately. Or maybe it was just me.
1049
1050He was already crying when he started, but then went into Ric Flair mode, showing a picture of himself and Gordon Solie and telling Shawn that this was the man he was going to face tomorrow. Then he screamed, "I WILL NEVER RETIRE!" and went "WHOO!" and all the people in the crowd went "WHOO!" and it ruled. This was one of those weekends where it didn't matter where you were, outside the Hall of Fame, outside WrestleMania, by a hotel, even at Sea World (where this really happened). You would be standing there and all of a sudden someone would go "WHOO!" and then all the people around him would go "WHOO!" and then you would just hear a cascade of "WHOO!"'s for a good thirty seconds or so, then they would die down and life would return to normal. It was a great weekend.
1051
1052This was where Flair thanked every human on the Earth, all the agents, camera people, writers, people who made his robes and boots, lawyers, and so on. He estimated that he had purchased over 580 pairs of boots during his career. This is why he is Ric Flair and I am not. (Well, one of many reasons.) I have one pair of boots total that I have worn now for ten years. He said it was a good thing he didn't wrestle major matches weekly on TV back in the day because he spent thousands of dollars on robes for big matches and never wore the same one twice, because, I guess, he felt that would be short-changing the fans. Flair then got to talking about wrestlers in the crowd, noting that his wife and daughters thought Chris Jericho was the hottest thing around, how he'd traveled up and down and broken in with Andre the Giant and wanted Big Show to know that he, Paul Wight, was the best big man there ever was, and that he loved Edge for carrying him a few years back in a ladder match and making him feel like Ric Flair again. That match was certainly amazing. Show was disconsolate and Edge was crying as well.
1053
1054This was when the real speech began, about twenty minutes after he was introduced. He showed some cufflinks that Hunter had bought him, replicas of the NWA Title. He would randomly burst into tears thinking of these things. He remembered one more person he had to thank before he got going, Betty Skaaland, the wife of Arnold, saying she always took care of him and was so kind. He had a story about Arnold, and how one night he went batshit and rang up a $30,000 tab at a bar (it was over the weekend, he later noted, so it wasn't quite as bad as it sounded) (!!!), and he had to call Skaaland for some help after his credit card bounced. Flair's asides were always awesome, as he'd tell this nutty story and then giggle, and the giggle made the story even greater because you knew he reveled in the memories of having caused so much trouble.
1055
1056He put over all the other inductees and said it was a great honor to be inducted while still active. He said he owed everything he had to the wrestling business and wanted people to know that he always did his best, and he hoped that nobody ever left a Ric Flair match thinking they didn't get their money's worth. He also thanked all of his friends who had passed on over the years, and this being wrestling, there were plenty of them.
1057
1058He talked about getting started in his career, and how he wanted to be like Dusty Rhodes, a COWBOY, but that didn't work out too well. George Scott suggested the Ric Flair gimmick and he thanked him for seeing something in him that early on. He put over Blackjack Mulligan, who the company flew in for the weekend, and talked about what a tough old bastard he was back in the day. He talked about the night he won his first title from Harley Race, and how Harley drove all the way out there and told him that he was there for Ric that night. Harley was in the second row, just nodding. He said when he first started training with Verne Gagne, Verne told him there would be no quitting. So he quit on day two. Verne went to his house and threatened to beat him. Flair quit again a week later and Verne called and threatened to beat him again. Flair returned, and this time he didn't quit. It was funny that he mentioned the hardest thing about it was the conditioning, because later in his career Flair was renowned for his unstoppable cardio.
1059
1060He put over Dusty and Ricky Steamboat and Sam Muchnick and the Crockett Family. He thanked Carlos Colon, Carlito's father and a legendary promoter in Puerto Rico, who WWE had actually flown in for the occasion. He said Vince McMahon Sr. and Carlos were the two deciding votes that put the World title on him. I can only imagine what casual fans were thinking about this whole thing. Not that it was exposing the business, but that it was explaining a process that many fans probably had no understanding of whatsoever. He put over all the members of the Horseman, and in the surreal moment of 2008 he mentioned Chris Benoit and the place popped huge. That was rather disconcerting. He was crying as he put over Arn Anderson, and Arn just sat there stoic, the Enforcer to the end. He put over Gordon Solie and Jim Ross for providing "the soundtrack of my career", and got particularly emotional calling Ross the best there was and a man nobody could replace. He also spoke of Bobby Heenan and the health problems he was currently facing. He told a story about a time when Heenan was managing the Blackjacks and a riot broke out. Somehow, some marks ended up backstage (that's the exact term Flair used, "marks", and he was absolutely giddy telling this story), and the Blackjacks guarded the door while Bobby beat the hell out of them. He said Heenan was one of the best friends he'd ever had.
1061
1062In one of the brief WCW mentions, he said he had to thank Gene Okerlund because without Gene as a drinking buddy he wouldn't have made it through WCW. I believe he also said he didn't help Gene's cause as the first thing he did after Gene's kidney transplant was take him out drinking. Gotta break that thing in, I guess.
1063
1064It was around this time that Flair got his first cue to wrap it up. He jumped forwards to WrestleMania 18 and his match with Undertaker, which he loved. Undertaker was not in the crowd, by the way, being one of those dudes that just never wants to break character (which is also why he came out for the Flair tribute after the Raw cameras shut off). He said the McMahons were awesome and Linda was one of the smartest people he'd ever met, and how the company would remain in great hands someday with Shane and Steph. Well, and you know who. He put over Cena, then made a remark about how Cena loved the business and wouldn't be leaving for Hollywood, something that seemed to be a knock on Rock. He also said he was sick and tired of hearing about how Hulk Hogan was the greatest of all time. Hogan's name didn't get any sort of reaction in the building, and in fact the next night when his name was mentioned at WrestleMania there was NO reaction for it whatsoever. Flair said Austin was the real best of all time. Hunter told him to wrap it up again. Flair responded to the effect of, "I'm hurrying!" and seemed a bit annoyed. Fans were really getting on Hunter's case and he indicated that this was not his deal. Basically, it was a nightmare for production as they were live on TV, plus there may have been an issue of only getting the building for x amount of time. They wanted the whole thing wrapped up in three hours, and by the time all was said and done four and a half had passed.
1065
1066Flair put over Batista and Orton, saying he lived his life vicariously through Big Dave now. That's a terrifying thought. He put over Hunter again, the second time during the speech, saying he wished he could have wrestled him back when he was in his prime for the world title. He then turned to Shawn and said he had wanted to cut a promo on him but such a thing was not happening now. He said he did want him to know that he had better bring his A-game to Mania the next day because he was going to get THE MAN.
1067
1068And finally, he said, he needed to talk about his family. He said his mom and dad, who have passed on, would have been so proud to see him up there, and he said his father was the bravest man he'd ever known. He thanked his wife, who he said was his best friend and inspiration, and his children, then said he wanted to thank his first two wives as well. He said he had never been the best husband and was still working on a lot of things, but he was getting better, and he wanted his ex-wives to know what wonderful mothers they were to his children. He finally wrapped it up and everyone gave him the standing ovation, then the music played and tons and tons of confetti fell from the ceiling. The best part was that as the confetti was falling, an hour and half and at least three "WRAP IT UP!"'s late, Flair suddenly said, HOLD ON I HAVE ONE MORE PERSON TO THANK! That person was Ann Russo, someone almost nobody has ever heard of, but to Ric Flair it was of the utmost importance that he not forget to thank her for all the hard work she did in the WWE offices. In a way, it was a perfect ending, because that's who Ric Flair is.
1069
1070To some younger fans, Ric Flair is a crazy old guy who goes "WHOO!" and sometimes takes his clothes off during interviews. He's a "sixteen time World Heavyweight Champion", but in an era where titles change hands with some regularity, and really nothing aside from the Raw title and maybe the Smackdown title with a good champion means anything, that's not all that impressive.
1071
1072But to anyone who lived through the 80s, to the hardcore NWA fans, to those who grew up watching Flair before he was put in the looney bin and buried in the desert in WCW, Ric Flair is the single greatest in-ring performer in the history of the business, at least in terms of match quality night in and night out consistently over many, many years. Sure, some guys like Kenta Kobashi may have had consistently better matches on the big stage, and a guy like Shawn Michaels is deeply respected by nearly every young worker today and has been a phenomenal big-match performer, but night after night, year after year on the road, back when guys really did work more than 300 times per year, nobody was as consistently great as Ric Flair. He was a guy that could go out and have a great match with anyone, then go out partying, living the Ric Flair gimmick, driving around in limos and surrounding himself with beautiful women and tying balloons to his penis and bouncing credit cards on $30,000 tabs, and stay up all night and up a little longer, and then get up in the morning like nothing had happened, go to the gym, head to another arena, have another great match, and then do it all again.
1073
1074It is believed that Ric Flair was born February 25, 1949 in Memphis, TN. Flair himself has no idea what his real name is due to a scandal with the Tennessee Children's Home Society, but he was given the name Richard Morgan Fliehr by his adopted father. He did amateur wrestling in high school and was pretty good, then played football on a scholarship from University of Miami alongside Greg Gagne. His first match was a 10 minute draw with George Gadaski in Verne's AWA. At the time, Flair was gigantic, about 300 pounds with short brown hair. His career changed three years later -- and about four months after I was born -- when he was involved in a serious plane crash along with Johnny Valentine, Tim Woods and Bob Bruggers. The pilot was killed, Valentine's career was ended, and Flair broke his back in three places and was told his career was over. Six months later, though, he was back in the ring and soon took on the Nature Boy persona with the bleached hair and the fancy suits. The rest was history.
1075
1076Over the next 33 years Flair would win the World Title -- well, who knows. We do know it was more than sixteen times. The best number is probably eighteen. He won his first title on September 17, 1981 from Dusty Rhodes in Kansas City. He lost the belt to Harley Race in St. Louis on June 10, 1983, then won the belt back in Greensboro on November 24, 1983. However, between these two dates he did switches with Jack Veneno in the Dominican Republic (actually, I believe Veneno refused to give him a rematch and just handed the belt back, though the first title change aired on TV in 2000 an is confirmed to have happened), Carlos Colon in Puerto Rico, and Victor Jovica in Trindad. None of these were ever officially recognized by NWA, WCW or WWE. Right there, you're at either 18 or 19. He dropped the belt to Harley Race again in Wellington, NZ on March 21, 1984, then won it back in Kallang, Singapore two days later. This switch was also not recognized until the 90s. He dropped the belt in the famous match to Kerry Von Erich in Irving, TX on May 6, 1984, then won it back in Yokosuka City, Japan on May 24th. Dusty beat him for the title in Greensboro on July 26, 1986, then Flair won it back on August 9th in St. Louis. The infamous Ronnie Garvin title change happened on September 25, 1987 in Detroit and was a total failure, with many fans not seeing Garvin as fitting to wear Ric's belt. Flair won it back in Chicago on November 27th. He first lost the belt to Ricky Steamboat on February 20, 1989 in Chicago, then won it back on May 7th in Nashville, TN. These were among the legendary Steamboat/Flair matches, though Flair has said they had matches so much better years earlier on untelevised house shows, footage of which does not exist. Sting won the title on July 7, 1990 in Baltimore. At the time, the feeling was that Flair, entering his 40s, was too old to be World Champion. They kept going back to him, though, as he won the belt from Sting on January 11, 1991 in East Rutherford, NJ. It was during this reign that WCW, due to withdrawing from the NWA, began to recognize him as the "WCW Champion" as opposed to "NWA Champion". NWA still recognized him as their champion for a period. There was a disputed title change here as Tatsumi Fujinami pinned him on March 21, 1991 in Tokyo. Flair had been backdropped over the top rope during the pinfall and thus WCW said that was a DQ and no title changed hands. NWA, however, said it was a title change. They had a rematch at SuperBrawl in May and Flair won, so you could argue that is 19 or 20. Flair went to WWF at this point and NWA stripped him of the title. He still had the physical belt, though. At the time, champions had to put up a $25,000 deposit to ensure they gave the belt back when asked. Flair has been fired from WCW by Jim Herd in a stroke of idiocy and didn't get his $25,000 back, so he figured the belt was his possession. This ended up in court and the NWA won, so WWF had to begin blurring out the title belt and only referring to him as the "Real World Champion" along with manager Bobby Heenan. This also set the legal precedent that assured that no matter what anyone claims, there is no way Bret Hart was going to WCW with the WWF Title after Montreal. Flair won the Royal Rumble in 1992 to win the WWF belt. He dropped it to Randy Savage in Indianapolis on April 5, 1992, then won it back on September 1st in Hershey, PA. The famous Bret Hart title change in Saskatoon took place on October 12, 1992. Flair returned to WCW after losing a Loser Leaves Town match to Mr. Perfect on Raw, and on July 18, 1993 he beat Barry Windham for the NWA Title in Biloxi, MS. He won the WCW International Title from Vader on December 27, 1993 in Charlotte, NC in a match where he had vowed to retire if he lost. On April 7, 1994 there was a double pin with Steamboat on WCW Saturday Night and Flair threw down the belt and demanded a rematch with the winner being new champion. He won, so if you want to count that we're at either 19 or 20. He beat Sting in a title unification bout (WCW International vs. WCW World) on June 24, 1993 in Orlando, FL. If you want to count that as a new World Title, that's 20 or 21. From there, most everything is verified, his victory over Randy Savage on December 27, 1995, his win over Savage on February 11, 1996 in St. Petersburg, FL, on February 11, 1996, and his win over Hulk Hogan in Louisville, KY on March 14, 1999. And then there was the usual bullshit at the end of WCW with Vince Russo and Kevin Nash, the latter of which won the title and then awarded it to Ric. I still have no idea what was going on during that period but there are two title reigns I guess you could count if you wanted to. So in conclusion, Flair realistically won some version of the World Title about eighteen times, and you can go as high as 22 or 23 if you want. Some people have found ways to go as high as 25. For those of you reading this and have no idea why anyone would care, all I can do is assure you that there was a time when people cared, and they cared a lot.
1077
1078There were so many moments. His 1978 feud with Buddy Rogers over the Nature Boy moniker, where Flair had the torch passed to him. His feuds and title wins and great matches against so many legends. The Horseman in all their incarnations. The legendary 45-minute draw with Sting at the first Clash of the Champions in 1988 that made Sting's entire career. The Steamboat matches and Terry Funk feud that defined 1989. His first appearances on WWF television with the NWA Title. His Royal Rumble 1991 win, where he entered number three, went the whole way and the match was built around him. His feud with Randy Savage where he claimed he had Elizabeth before Randy did, and their WrestleMania match. The whole build-up and execution of his 1993 career-threatening match with Vader, a match that Hulk Hogan said he cried watching, and which convinced him to jump to WCW (which ultimately turned the wrestling business around). All of the WCW idiocy, including the beginning of the CRAZY FLAIR character. His return to WCW in Greensboro, NC on September 14, 1998 after a bitter lawsuit battle with Eric Bischoff, one of the all-time great moments in wrestling history. His final WCW match on the final episode of Nitro with Sting, a fitting ending to the company. His Royal Rumble streetfight with Vince McMahon in 2002 where, after insisting privately that he'd never put over Ric Flair, Vince tapped clean in the middle to the figure four. His WrestleMania match with Undertaker that Flair has a particular fondness for. The ladder match with Edge on Raw where people thought he was going to win that World Title one last time (and maybe he should have). The time he played musical chairs on Raw and proved that he could be awesome doing literally anything. The period when he got the Flair flop over in a different way every week, and each week it got a bigger pop. His time in Evolution, a group that got Randy Orton and Batista over as superstars. That One Promo on Carlito. The Hall of Fame. And all the catch-phrases: "To be the man you gotta beat the man!" "Limousine-riding, jet-flying, kiss-stealing, wheeling-dealing son-of-a-gun who kissed all the girls and made them cry!" "Whether you like it or not, learn to love it because it's the best thing going today!" "WHOO!"
1079
1080Through the good times and the bad, Richard Fliehr was Ric Flair for 36 incredible years. He was a fantastic wrestler, a fantastic personality, a guy who would rather lose a match than win one, and a guy who, with the possible exception of Rock, probably lost more matches than anyone else at his level in history. He would go into a territory and lose a match to a local guy to set up a lucrative World Title shot. He put over more guys and tried to make more stars (some worked huge, like Sting, others failed, like Garvin) than perhaps anyone. He was the guy who people thought was too old in the late 80s, who they thought was a bad representative for the title yet ended up forced to go back to time and time again. He was the Teflon man, the guy who was treated like utter shit for almost a decade in WCW yet still continued to do some of the strongest quarter hours of anyone, no matter how badly they tried to embarrass him. That trend of popping a rating regardless of the circumstances continued into WCW and even through this week. He headlined more big shows than anyone in history with the exception of Hulk Hogan. And even in his mid-50s, with the right guy on the right night, like Edge in the ladder match or HHH on New Year's, he could still go out there and have a great match.
1081
1082But the sad reality is that in 2008, having turned 59 on February 25th, Richard Morgan Fliehr just couldn't consistently be Ric Flair anymore. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought that perhaps the WrestleMania match was more beautiful because he couldn't go out there and be the Ric Flair of 1989. If he was still that great there would be an even greater sadness to his leaving, and he would have had a much more difficult time (and believe me, it's going to be difficult for a long, long time) no longer being an in-ring performer. But at WrestleMania, while there were a couple of things here and there that he couldn't do anymore, for the most part he hit all his big spots. For one last night, he was almost Ric Flair again, the Ric Flair that he's always wanted to be. The fact that he couldn't make the bridge was probably frustrating to him like it was frustrating to me at the moment, but in hindsight it made the match that much better. At 59, he did the best he could. He gave it his all, and while it was a great performance given his limitations, those limitations were still there. And as he got to his feet that last time, with tears in his eyes, he asked Shawn Michaels to not hold back, to end it right there if he couldn't be The Man anymore.
1083
1084I was very disappointed on Sunday that after Ric Flair lost his final match he simply stood there in the ring for awhile, soaked in a standing ovation, and then walked to the backstage area. No balloons or confetti? I suppose that would be hard in an open air arena. How about fireworks? Why not have all the rest of the wrestlers come down and surround the ring, or stand in the aisle and watch? Why not send them out when the match was over? All I could hope was that WWE would honor him with some sort of ceremony on Raw.
1085
1086People asked me late Monday night and early Tuesday if I regretted not going to Raw live. As I sit here, the answer is no. I may regret it years down the road. But part of me thinks that my soul could not have survived sitting there in that building watching the retirement ceremony live. I always tape Raw in HD, but for whatever reason my Comcast does not provide the USA HD listings a week in advance. Because I left for Florida on Wednesday I was unable to set the DVR to record the HD Raw feed. So I watched the retirement ceremony on tape delay in standard definition. It was still the best thing I ever saw. My soul surely would not have handled the live experience.
1087
1088The ceremony opened with Flair coming down to the ring in a phat suit. He did the strut down the aisle, held up the Four Horseman sign, pointed to his Hall of Fame ring (WWE created rings for all newly-inducted and past Hall of Famers) and was already crying. Everyone was going "WHOOOOOO!" so he gave us all one of their own. He then regained his composure and calmly said that last night he wrestled his very last match at WrestleMania. "I will never, ever wrestle in this ring again." People booed. "Please, please. I am not sad about not wrestling, you shouldn't be sad about the fact that you're not going to see me out here." He said we should all rejoice that he had "the greatest wrestling career in the history of pro wrestling!" He said last night he might have lost, but he lost to a great, great wrestler and an even better man. He said we should rejoice in the fact that he wrestled in front of more fans, raised more hell, had more fun and loved all the fans every day of his life. "SWEAR TO GOD!" He said he'd been teared up all day long with the thought of not being able to come out there anymore, but he was OK now, he was in a good place and he loved everyone. The fans chanted "THANK YOU FLAIR!" He said he wanted to thank the fans for the memories, the support, and most of all "thank you all for making me who I am today!" He gave one more big "WHOOOOOO!", then he started strutting and his music hit.
1089
1090But it was not over.
1091
1092Out came HHH. He said if Flair thought the people in Orlando were the only ones that wanted to say thank you, if he thought that the millions of people watching on TV were the only ones that wanted to say thank you, he had another thing coming. Flair totally lost it at this point.
1093
1094"I was doing good until you came out!" Flair said.
1095
1096Hunter said he had to come out here and tell him from the bottom of his heart: "I love you, man. And thank you! Thank you!" He got on his knees and bowed to him, and Flair went and lifted him up for a hug. Hunter said that took care of him, but there were a few other people that wanted to say thanks as well. He said there were some guys that he talked to earlier, and ever since he started talking to him his hand had been cramping up like this. He held up the Horseman sign and out came Tully Blanchard, Arn Anderson, JJ Dillon and Barry Windham. As soon as the Horseman music hit Flair was bawling. Ross said this was the first time the Horseman had all been together since 1988. This was the only time the announcers said anything during this entire segment. This was actually a big deal because I know that Flair and Arn have had some issues over the past few years, and you could tell that Arn coming out with the rest of the guys was a major, major thing for Ric. Batista was out next representing Evolution. He bearhugged Ric and lifted him up in a huge hug. Next we got Ricky Steamboat, then HARLEY RACE~!, Greg Valentine, Dean Malenko (who got a big pop), Chris Jericho, John Cena, and finally Ric's family. Everyone was clapping and cheering and then HBK's music hit. He got in the ring and they hugged. I couldn't make out what they said except for Flair concluding with, "I love you." Hunter said wow, nice watches. Basically, Vince McMahon bought both of them matching diamond Rolexes with "24" engraved on them and their names. On Flair's it says, "To be the Man" and on Shawn's it says "You Gotta Beat the Man". Hunter said since they had time, if anyone else wanted to come out and pay homage to Ric they could do so right now. The entire locker room emptied, all the wrestlers from all the brands, babyfaces and heels alike, even Randy Orton, and they all started clapping and chanting, "THANK YOU RIC!" Flair went around hugging everyone as the fans went "WHOO!" This was the best ending to Raw of all time.
1097
1098Immediately after the show went off the air Undertaker's music hit and he came down the ramp. They didn't dim the lights or anything like that but the wrestlers on the ramp all parted like the Red Sea. Taker got in the ring, took his jacket and hat off, then shook Flair's hand and hugged him. This was something else as Taker never breaks character. He did end up backing up, dropping to his knee and saluting Flair like he used to salute Paul Bearer's urn. All the wrestlers were out of the ring at this point. They hugged again, then Taker raised Flair's hand. After he left the ring, Flair's retirement theme played for awhile, then suddenly a man strode down the aisle. It was Vince. He grabbed Ric and gave him a huge hug and the place exploded in cheers. Vince, who was completely giddy like a little kid, raised Flair's hand and celebrated on all four sides of the ring, then quickly left again to stand in the front row with all the other wrestlers and clap. Flair went over and shook the hands of Lilian, Lawler and Jim Ross, and Ross put his hand on Flair's cheek. Flair, now alone in the ring, waved at everyone and blew them kisses, then pulled his family back into the ring for more hugs. Then he whipped off his jacket, did the strut, and dropped a big elbow and knee on it. There is nothing better in this world than Ric Flair attacking his clothes. He then turned, grabbed the mic, said "Thank you," and left the ring. All the wrestlers parted again like the Red Sea, and as he left everyone in the building, all the wrestlers and the thousands and thousands of fans, bowed down to Ric Flair.
1099
1100Although WrestleMania 24 will ultimately be remembered for the Flair match, it was a very good show overall. In fact, for historical purposes it should be noted that the Shawn/Flair match, at the time, didn't appear to be anything all that special to many of the fans there. I think it was a combination of many of the fans thinking it would be a fake retirement, or even if it was a real retirement he'd come back soon enough. I think during Raw it really hit everyone that this was it. Of course, nobody ever really retires in wrestling, but Flair has said both publicly and privately that he will never wrestle again.
1101
1102Flair was offered the main event position and turned it down, and in hindsight it was probably the right decision. The two title matches and even the Mayweather match would have been tough to follow, and when the show ended it just felt like the match had been in the right place. And it's not the placement of the match that was important, it was the follow-up, and on Raw they hit the ball out of the park.
1103
1104Last week I thought this show might break last year's record of 1.2 million buys based a good deal on the strength of the Flair/Michaels segment on Raw. It really felt on Sunday that this show would break the record, perhaps somewhat easily, and that it would be the strength of the show itself (many people will buy one show per year, WrestleMania, just because it's WrestleMania), the Flair/Shawn angle on Raw, and the Floyd Mayweather match. The Mayweather deal got a ton of publicity all over the place in the final seven days, way more than I'd have expected. He was on Off the Record in Canada (more on that later), BET's 106 & Park, a whole shitload of radio stations, Friday Night Fights on ESPN 2 (in which they plugged the match and did a big Tale of the Tape, and also a poll where 62% of respondents said Mayweather shouldn't lower himself to doing pro-wrestling), and on Jim Rome's show. The key to all of this is that Mayweather was awesome, putting over pro-wrestling and WWE and telling people that they should buy the show because it was going to be great and he was going to put on a good performance. He put over the wrestlers as well and talked about how difficult it was, saying it was way more difficult than he thought going in. He was also raving about the experience after the show, talking about how much fun he had and how he'd love to have another go at this. I don't believe there are any immediate plans for such a thing, and Show seemed to blow him off a bit on Raw, but I think there is a very good chance we'll see him again before the year is up.
1105
1106We'll hopefully have real numbers next week, but according to WWE the show did a $5.85 million gate (accurate or very close to accurate) and 74,635 fans (probably a slight exaggeration since they cannot help themselves, though I will say that by the time the second or third match started it appeared every single seat in the bowl was full, and that surprised me since a LOT of dudes were outside trying to sell tickets before the show). They said fans came from all 50 states, five Canadian provinces, and 21 countries. I wonder how they determine that? Nobody polled me. I could have come from Micronesia.
1107
1108I'd heard the Citrus Bowl was a total dump, but it ended up being all right. Don't get me wrong, there were some very dirty things about it, but WWE did a fabulous job decking it out, and when the show was over my friend Craig remarked, "Nobody in the world does a show like WWE." Aside from a few production issues, like the lights and a few of the big screens going out for 30 minutes or so, it was an amazing experience and reminded me a lot of the LA Coliseum show last June. Shane McMahon had to have attended that show or watched it on PPV. Both were amazing experiences live, experiences I shall never forget. This was my second WrestleMania, the first being at Safeco Field several years ago. All I remember about that show was that I watched most of it from the bar. This one I will remember vividly all my life.
1109
1110Orlando, well, if WrestleMania is coming back in 2011 they can probably count me out unless it happens to be me vs. Shawn Michaels in his retirement match. I should note that there are places near or around Orlando, like St. Petersburg, that are quite beautiful. I also had a lot of fun at Sea World. But downtown Orlando, particularly the area around the Citrus Bowl and Amway Arena, is such that I hope everyone living there goes on vacation and then God floods the area.
1111
1112I heard from people who live in Orlando that said it is a very pretty place. I also heard from tons of other people who merely visited Orlando and never want to go back. My major issue is that Orlando approached WWE about bringing WrestleMania to town, they went to them with a presentation, and it was no mystery for a long, long time that the show was going to be here. So why the city of Orlando after going to all that trouble would shut down major roads going to and from the Citrus Bowl and have other construction projects ongoing on this particular weekend, well, it's as big a mystery to me as why TNA ran shows in Orlando to take advantage of 80,000 people coming to town and then didn't bother running outside the 900 seat building that they always sell out, or why they gave away 1,300 VIP tickets to a show that only had room for 900. Perhaps, since it's Orlando, the same people were responsible for all of this.
1113
1114And the tolls. FUCK TOLLS. Traffic in Seattle is awful, and if I could gain access to a traffic-free toll road I would gladly pay 50 cents per trip. In Orlando, though, there are toll roads everywhere that require 50 cents in exact change, and if you don't have change, well, you have to run the toll. There are no slots for credit cards or bills and there are no humans there to make change for you. I missed the first half of the ROH show in part because of a toll incident, not having exact change because I was unaware a toll road was coming up, and then after running it and risking a $100 fine in my buddy Craig's rental car getting lost in the fuckin' HOOD, which is, well, seemingly the whole of downtown Orlando. I ended up at a gas station where I was warned by a one-eyed black boy (I am not making any of this up) that "THE MAN IS MEAN". There are ZERO signs from the freeway pointing out where the 80,000-seat Citrus Bowl or the Amway Arena is, and in fact in a profound Orlando-only irony, there is a sign pointing toward the Centroplex but NOT the Amway Arena even though they're in the same parking lot and one seats over ten times the number of people as the other.
1115
1116We ended up parking in some dude's driveway before the Hall of Fame, and I was hoping I didn't return to find the car stripped. It was something else to be walking through the ghetto in the required dress clothes. Luckily, we were dropped off at the Citrus Bowl the next day, but it was still a nightmare to get to and I can't imagine anyone who had to park that day. On the way to the building we saw a dude with the X-Division Title belt (the real one) trying to push TNA onto the WWE fans, and after Vinny flipped off the TNA sign the man was derided with chants of "FUCK TNA!" from those in the vicinity. I've never seen Vinny so excited, jumping up in the air (literally, JUMPING) and pumping his fists and going "YES!" Earlier, he'd been at Universal Studios almost strictly to go on the Spiderman ride and went looking for the Impact Zone so he could piss on the side of the building. Unfortunately, being a Saturday the soundstage was closed to all access.
1117
1118Thanks to the great Brian Fritz, I was about three rows up off the floor. Great seats.
1119
1120They had a countdown clock, and at exactly 1 minute to the second from the start of the show it began raining for the first time.
1121
1122a. Pre-Show Battle Royal for an ECW Title shot. Your usual crappy battle royal, but the fans were into it since it was the first match on the show. It came down to Kane, Mark Henry and Snitsky. It was pretty clear who was going over, but the fans were super into it because it was, in fact, one babyface against two bad guys. I wish Russo would have bought a ticket to this show so he could have been BAFFLED. Snitsky got tossed, then Kane threw out Henry for the win. Henry took a lame bump. Still, the pop for this was absurd, just completely ridiculous. It was one of the biggest pops of the entire evening, and 70,000-odd fans jumped to their feet all at the same time and exploded. It was just a sea of humans leaping up and down and waving their hands in the air. It was so awesome. FOR KANE.
1123
1124John Legend sang America the Beautiful as jets flew over the Citrus Bowl. It was really cool and Legend did a great job even though he was playing in the rain.
1125
11261. Fit Finlay vs. JBL. Finlay came out and beckoned to the back, and out came Hornswaggle. I figured that Swaggy would make a surprise return at the end and cost JBL the match. What a fool I was. As you'd expect, they hit each other as hard as possible. Problem was, the sound traveled bad enough in the open air arena that you couldn't even hear the ref's hand slapping the mat, much less JBL thwacking Finlay in the back. JBL got his hands on the midget a couple of times, including throwing a trash can over the top rope onto him at ringside. They brought out a chair, but because this was the opener and there was much more craziness to come they teased using it forever. JBL finally went through it shoulder-first and the place exploded. I love wrestling. JBL ended up hitting him with a kendo stick and the lariat of doom for the pin. Swaggy was shown weeping at ringside, his father having been beaten at his own game. The lesson to be learned here, children, is that bullies always prevail. (**1/2)
1127
1128Kennedy did a promo with Kim Kardashian backstage. Nothing exciting.
1129
11302. MVP vs. Carlito vs. John Morrison (billed as "Jim Morrison") vs. CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kennedy in a Money in the Bank ladder match. As crazy as you would think, though a bit less crazy than many ladder matches in the past. Morrison did the moonsault off the top with a gimmick again. The first time was on ECW when he hit Colin Delaney with a trash can. This time he used a ladder. That was nuts. It also happened about one minute into the match. Guys were doing all sorts of moves onto the ladders, including Kennedy's rolling fireman's carry on Punk. That had to suck. A ladder bridge was set up outside the ring and Shelton took a flip bump over the top onto the ladder, destroying it and possibly himself. I believe that's the last we saw of him. They were slowly killing men to eliminate them from the match. They built to a spot where everyone was down and MVP realized that THIS WAS HIS CHANCE~! He began to climb, and who should rush out of the stands but Matt Hardy, who gave him a twist of fate off the ladder. The place just exploded for Matt, almost as big as the Kane battle royal win. Matt quickly escaped into the crowd again. This came off great live. It came down to Punk and Jericho both at the top of the ladder. Everyone seemed to think for sure that Jericho was winning. Punk ended up I guess pushing him, causing Jericho to slip and get his leg caught in the ladder. Live, it was hard to see what happened and took heat off the end of the match. Punk then grabbed the briefcase in a real surprise. Very good match. (***3/4)
1131
1132During this match and throughout the evening planes were flying over advertising car dealerships and the like. The big rumor was that TNA was going to fly a plane of some sort over the Bowl, but it never happened.
1133
1134Howard Finkle came out to introduce all of the 2008 Hall of Fame members. As they were coming out I thought, "They can't possibly bring Ric Flair out here. No one should see this man until he comes down the ring for his match." Thankfully, they just brought out this family. Mae Young was going nuts out there. I love that woman.
1135
1136Snoop Dogg did a promo backstage with Grisham. He was with Festus, who he said was a guy he shared a lot in common with. So it's the weed that left Festus like that. Santino walked in and was burying both guys, so Snoop rang a bell and Festus went nuts and ran Santino off. I hope they found him later and rang the bell again. Foley then jumped into the camera for his Mania cameo, showing off a souped-up Socko. Foley was at the Hall of Fame the night before. Austin was also backstage but never shown. Guess if you're not going to use him for something major it's best not to waste him on something minor.
1137
11383. Batista vs. Umaga. No heat. I mean, none. Nobody cared. Batista, who has been peaking bodybuilding-wise for the past several weeks, looked like he came out here and was too intent on having a great match. He was trying WAY too hard and thus a lot of the stuff he did looked sloppy. Long nerve holds, here at the biggest show of the year. Dave made a big comeback and set him up for the Demon bomb. I thought, boy, Umaga better jump like a mother here. Well, he jumped like a mother and Dave hurked him up like a mother and the combination was bad news since Dave was sent backwards completely off balance. Umaga took the best bump possible and Dave fell on his ass, and although it was botched it looked all right. Dave got the pin. This was night and day from last year's match with Undertaker. (*1/2)
1139
11404. Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane for the ECW Title. Kane pinned him in nine seconds with the chokeslam. DO NOT GALLIVANT WITH THE ENEMY.
1141
1142Raven Symone told everyone how excited she was to be at WrestleMania. No one believed her.
1143
1144They had an awesome Flair vs. Michaels video package. I remember being devastated here that it wasn't going on last. It got worse. Remember how I said they needed to not show Flair until he came out for his match? Well, let history record that the last interview Flair did before his final match of all time was not on Raw with Shawn Michaels. No, it was with MIKE FUCKING ADAMLE backstage, and all Ric Flair said was that tonight he was going to be the man. That's it. Less than a dozen words. Now I was really down.
1145
11465. Flair vs. Shawn. Flair came out in THE sweetest robe of all time. It was incredible. They set off a huge fireworks display over the dome during his entrance, and it was wonderful. No special ceremony to start off, just Flair DODGING THE HANDSHAKE and then a lock-up. They did a headlock/tackle highspot and Flair told him to RUN ME OVER, BABY. He was going all out here. Some mat wrestling, a hiptoss, and a strut, and I WAS LOVIN LIFE. They ended up in the corner and Flair shoved his chest, then screamed, "OLD YELLER, HUH? OLD YELLER?" So Shawn slapped him and busted his lip open. They had a great chop battle in the corner. Flair was telling him to hit him harder every time. Flair teased the backdrop out of the corner but kicked Shawn instead, and Shawn took an awesome bump. Flair gave him an elbow and dropped the knee, then went up top. Flair tossed him off. WHOO~! Flair then went up top, and in his last match ever he DIDN'T get thrown off, he raked Shawn's eyes and hit a high cross. Big pop for that. I was sad he didn't get tossed. Flair hit a kneebreaker and went for the figure four, but Shawn kicked him outside. Flair ended up leaning against the announce table and Shawn went towards the apron. Oh no. DO NOT DO AN ASAI ONTO RIC FLAIR. The good news is he didn't. The bad news is that no one was there to catch him and so Shawn Fucking Michaels with his two bad knees and steel plates in his back at age 42 CRASHED AND BURNED on the announcers table. I thought for sure he either broke his ribs or cracked his sternum. It was so ungodly brutal. Both guys barely made it back into the ring by ten. Charles Robinson, one of the biggest Ric Flair fans in the entire world, LITTLE NAITCH, was the referee. Flair went to work, hitting a toss into the buckle, a back suplex, and an underhook suplex. He even got him up for the delayed vertical suplex, and the place popped huge. Flair was chopping him so hard. Shawn hit a neckbreaker, then backdropped Flair over the top to the floor. Flair was going to try to take it flat-back but didn't quite make it. Shawn then went to the very top and hit a moonsault off the post. Flair didn't catch him at all and Shawn SPLATTED on the ground. Just brutal. I knew the guy would try to kill himself to have a good match with Flair. Both guys got in by ten. Shawn hit the forearm on a switch and made his usual comeback. Flair looked like he was gonna do the FLOP~! but took a wacky back bump instead. Shawn hit the elbow and set up for the superkick. People didn't know what to make of this and there was a buzz. Shawn went for it but couldn't pull the trigger, stopping mid-move. So Flair swept his legs and put him in the figure four. Building went crazy. The message by Flair was, "If you're going to be a pussy, I'll KILL YOU". Shawn turned it over. They tried to bridge out of a pinfall attempt but couldn't get up. Crowd was polite. Flair went for a kneebreaker but Shawn sunset flipped him. Shawn took the flip bump into the corner and Flair chop blocked him on the way out. Shawn missed an enzuigiri and Flair put him back in the figure four. Shawn sold like a king. No REVERSE MONTREAL here, though Shawn had the opportunity. He got the ropes. Flair strutted a bit, then turned around into THE SUPERKICK OF A LIFETIME. Shawn fucking hit him SO HARD. Well, that's what Flair wanted. Shawn made the cover but Flair kicked out to a huge pop. He set up for a second one but Flair wouldn't get up. Shawn, frustrated, went over and was screaming for him to get up. He finally bent down and started dragging Flair to his feet, at which point Flair gave him a low blow. Shawn kicked out, then swept Flair's legs and put him in the reverse figure four. Lots of boos for that. Flair fought free with a thumb to the eye. Flair got another nearfall using the trunks. They had a chop battle on their knees, then kept chopping as they got to their feet, and then WHAMMO, Shawn superkicked him again. He didn't go for the cover, though, deciding instead to scoot back to the corner and set up for another one. He had a look of immense pain and sadness on his face. Flair got slowly to his feet, clutching his fists and weeping and screaming at Shawn to do it. Shawn looked at him and said, "I'm sorry. I love you." Then he superkicked him, dropped to his knees, made the cover and got the pin. That moment right there was totally perfect. As soon as Robinson hit the mat for the third time Shawn leaped over and cradled Flair's head, then got on his knees and kissed his forehead. Flair was crying his eyes out. Shawn walked out of the ring immediately, leaving Flair alone to get his standing ovation. This was the only time I can remember on the show where I think every human being in the entire building was on their feet at the same time. Flair waved at the people, tears rolling down his face, hugged his family in the front row, then took the long walk up that ramp for the final time. (***1/2)
1147
11486. Melina & Beth vs. Ashley & Candace. The lights went out in this match. This was not a bad thing. It was better to watch the blackness than this battle. It was awful. The girls just kept wrestling, which was the best part, and I believe they were even doing highspots. Snoop Dogg was the MC and came out in the SNOOP DEVILLE, which is a blinged-out golf cart. They had a throne set up for him at ringside. This is the coolest man around. I know this because he sat there at ringside watching the match and managed to keep his cool. Santino interfered, so Jerry Lawler got up from the booth and punched him out to a big pop. You could tell a lot of people were watching the screens and not the ring because as soon as Lawler stood up there was a huge pop. I should note that there were screens everywhere, giant screens above the ring (which later went out for awhile), and smaller screens all around ringside. Also, how fitting that when Michaels and Flair went on in the middle of the show GOD waited until the match was over and then SMOTE THE POWER. Anyway, Maria was distracted and Beth pinned her. Santino got in the ring afterwards and mocked Maria, so Snoop rose from his throne, hit the ring and clotheslined Santino out of his boots. That was great. Maria then gave Snoop a big kiss, and Snoop made the most of his one opportunity. Post match was as fun as the match was bad. (*)
1149
11507. Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. HHH for the WWE Title. As soon as the video package for this aired I knew immediately that Orton was going over. I was actually sitting in a very pro-Orton section, and there were RKO Geeks to the Northeast of me who were down there doing the Orton pose, so happy to see their hero. This was a really good match, your classic strong triple threat with three good workers. Cena looked better than he has (at least from a distance), Hunter was good, and Orton was really the star of the show. He has gone from being a very hated man and a prick to a man who is still very hated and a prick but has channeled that into being a fantastic main event heel champion. I don't want to see him lose. All the usual spots early. Cena had Orton in the STFU a few minutes in and Orton couldn't quite get the ropes, so Hunter, not wanting Cena to win, helped Randy out. Later, he put it on again and so Hunter responded by putting Cena in the Crippler crossface. Cena got the ropes. Cena finally made his big comeback but Hunter cut him off and went for the pedigree. Cena worked his way free. Orton got sent outside and stayed there for a long time, allowing Cena and Hunter to work most of the match. The idea was to give people the idea that one of these two was winning. Orton slinked onto the apron and Hunter kicked him, but then turned around into an FU attempt. He slipped free and hit the pedigree, then went to make the cover. I was actually watching Orton the entire time because I knew something was going to happen, I just didn't know what. It was awesome. As soon as Hunter made the cover Orton flew in out of nowhere with the SOCCER KICK OF DOOM. Hunter sold it great. Orton then covered the downed Cena and got the pin. Not only was the finish fantastic but since I was in the pro-Orton section we had dudes leaping into the air and clapping and doing the Orton pose. I was overjoyed. Vinny thought this was the best match on the show. (***3/4)
1151
11528. Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather. This match was so much fun live. They dropped money into the crowd during Floyd's entrance and I thought we were going to have a brawl. No 50 Cent, sadly. Mayweather had a much smaller posse than I would have expected. Lilian announced before the match that the only way to win was via pinfall, submission or knockout. At least they didn't say this was a MIXED MARTIAL ARTS MATCH. Floyd fought with his boxing gloves on. It was tough to see from where I was at but I presume they were smaller, closer to the size of MMA gloves. Show stalked him early and Floyd kept running for his life. Show took a few punches here or there that looked good, probably because Floyd was really punching him. Mayweather went to his corner early and they gave him this huge diamond-encrusted goblet to drink out of. I was dying. Show beat up a handler, who took quite the bump to the floor. Show eventually caught Mayweather's hand on a punch, dragged the hand to the mat and tried to stomp on it. Crowd gasped, which was awesome. I hope the announcers mentioned that Floyd has very fragile hands. Floyd eventually got his back and put on a rear-naked choke. Show sold it for all he was worth, then flipped Floyd over and HIT THE STOMP TO THE ARM. This ruled. The reason this was all so great is because they were being careful with Floyd early and you got the impression that they weren't going to do anything dangerous with him at all, and then all of a sudden Show got heat and was beating the piss out of him. He gave him a huge chop, he stepped on his stomach, he gave him a sidewalk slam, the whole nine yards. Floyd was playing babyface in peril here. Well, heel or not that was the only way this was going to work. Show hit an elbow drop and went for a second one, but the handlers pulled Mayweather out of the ring. Dudes started hitting the ring and Show destroyed them all one-by-one. One of them grabbed a chair but Show slapped it out of his hand and hit a big chokeslam. This was one of their developmental guys, by the way, not a real man from an entourage. Show then turned around and Mayweather had the chair. He waffled Show several times, in the stomach, the back, and finally twice to the head, bending the chair. BOO. He then went over and one of this entourage had a set of brass knux on a chain around his neck. Floyd grabbed them, reared back and punched Show RIGHT IN THE JAW. Maybe on TV these were clearly fake, but from were I was sitting I could only pray they were fake because it looked like he killed Show with them. Show couldn't make it up by ten so Mayweather won. This was so far and away better than anyone had any right to expect. Floyd was great, and as noted elsewhere he had an awesome time and was saying he wanted to come back. He also got good reviews and was said to be super cool to everyone all weekend. (**3/4)
1153
11549. Edge vs. Undertaker for the World title. I loved this match. Just loved it. Early on there was no heat to speak of, just a dead silent crowd like in the Dave match. It had been four hours and people were getting tired. On the bright side, I looked around the building and I'd say at least 95% of the people who had been there at the peak were still there. Undertaker had a very elaborate entrance, but to be honest I excepted one much bigger. Edge got the huge fireworks display and such. They need to go to an open air arena in a hot climate for Mania every year. It is so much fun. Very basic match early on, but it build well and people got more and more into it the longer it went, which is a huge credit to the wrestlers. Edge was just a king on this night and Undertaker was great as well. Taker even hit his huge running dive to the outside which he can't possibly keep doing as he nears 45. Edge got the heat for awhile working over his back, then Taker started his comeback. He hit the snake eyes and set up for his usual running kick but Edge cut him off with a dropkick. The psychology in this match was a thing of beauty. Taker went for a chokeslam but Edge DDT' him, then hit a huge superplex. I should note that there was no blood to speak of on this show, including here in the main event when they could have pulled out all the stops. Taker tried the press powerbomb out of the corner but Edge slipped behind and hit a neckbreaker. The story was that he was one step ahead of Taker on everything, which means Taker beat Edge at his very best. Taker eventually threw a huge boot and took out the referee. Crowd didn't groan since it was the first ref bump on the entire show. Edge ended up kicking Taker low, then getting a camera from ringside (hopefully not an HD camera) and clonking Taker with it. This, of course, played off the fuck finish at Survivor Series. Edge tried to wake the ref up by shoving him, but he accidentally shoved him to the floor. That was funny. Taker then did the zombie sit-up. Edge cut him off and tried a tombstone of his own, but Taker reversed it and hit a perfect tombstone for the apparent pin. No ref, though. Cue Charles Robinson. You know, aside from the end of Ric Flair's career, the appearance of Charles Robinson in the main event was the defining moment of this show. The Citrus Bowl seats 80,000, so it is, you know, large. And the ring, which is 20x20, was right smack dab in the middle of the Bowl. In order to get to the ring you had to traverse this long ramp, God knows how long, but very, very long. So Taker makes the cover and I looked out and way in the distance, seemingly a mile away, was this little blue dot. The blue dot slowly got bigger and bigger. I looked up at the big screen and the little blue dot was Charles Robinson, who was sprinting like a MOTHERFUCKER towards the ring. Now, as mentioned, this was a long haul even running as fast as his skinny legs could take him. And as he's running, everyone around me, and perhaps everyone in the building, went haywire. They were laughing, a few hysterically, and they were screaming "RUN RUN RUN!" and some of them were even running in place themselves, sprinting to the finish line with little Charles Robinson. I don't know how long it took him to get to the ring but it seriously seemed like a full minute or two live. It was the fastest slow-motion movie run in history, and he finally got there and slid into the ring with everything he had and counted one, TWO -- and EDGE KICKED OUT. This was the best nearfall I may have ever seen live, and was a moment that reminded me why I fucking love professional wrestling with all my heart. The fans were so into the match at this point it wasn't even funny. Next out was THOSE EDGE GUYS, also sprinting, and clearly sprinting is not their thing. Taker beat them up and even chokeslammed one of them off the apron to the floor. He turned around and BOOM, spear from Edge. Taker kicked out. Edge went nuts and backed up to the corner to hit one final spear. Taker slowly, dramatically crawled to his feet and Edge nailed it. As soon as Taker landed, though, he hooked his legs around Edge and sunk in the GOGOPLATA, and as God is my witness this got a bigger pop than anything in the Ric Flair match, anything in the three-way, anything in the Mayweather match, and maybe a bigger pop than even KANE winning the PRE-SHOW BATTLE ROYAL OF DOOM. My jaw dropped. Edge fought and fought and fought and fought and then tapped. The Citrus Bowl is apparently very structurally secure because it did not collapse amidst the cheering. Just awesome, awesome stuff. I don't know this for sure, but I suspect that Undertaker watched Takanori Gomi vs. Nick Diaz in one of the best fights of 2007, which Diaz won with this exact same finish (Gomi took him down and in falling Diaz hooked on the gogoplata for the submission -- a victory tainted later when Diaz tested positive for marijuana), and decided that at some point he was going to win a super big match with that finish. For months and months he tried to get that goddamn hold over, and for months and months and months he failed, and really there has only been one time when the hold really worked big and I believe that was in Vegas, home of UFC and the city where the Diaz/Gomi match took place. But Taker refused to give up. It was a gamble to finish the biggest show of the year with that move, but it was a gamble that paid off, and for that, like for Ric Flair, I get down on my knees and salute the Undertaker. And once again, I remember all those times that I didn't vote for Undertaker in the Wrestling Observer Hall of Fame, and now I sit here and wonder what is wrong with me. A wonderful match. (****1/2)
1155
1156Notes from the rest of the Hall of Fame. I showed up about a half hour late because of FUCK ORLANDO, and I was distressed because I heard that Rock was going on first. Luckily, he went for well over an hour so I got to see much of it. He opened the show doing a promo, goofing around with Cena about his movie and such (he said that was the new military torture, having troops sit down and watch The Marine. Then he said, "Well, I made Doom"), making fun of Santino, and basically suggesting one more match with Steve Austin, perhaps in Houston. I doubt it will happen, but you never know. He is also either a better actor than I knew or the whole Ric Flair deal has changed his mind about Shawn Michaels, because he was very complimentary towards him. When Rock was 14 years old there was an incident when Shawn was working for his mother in Hawaii. I believe Shawn didn't want to do a job or something and Rock, at 14, wanted to kick his ass. He later vowed that he would never put Shawn over under any circumstances. Perhaps time heals all wounds.
1157
1158When he first came out there were chants of "PLEASE COME BACK!" and "ONE MORE MATCH!" He announced that he had finally come back to Orlando. After cutting a promo on everyone he showed the Rocky Johnson video, put his father over and then introduced him. Rocky gave an interesting speech and the people were largely respectful. I should note that whenever anyone mentioned Flair everyone went crazy with "WHOO!"'s. After he was done, Rock noted that there were three guys he had never wrestled that he'd always wanted to: Rey Misterio, John Cena and HBK. Ata Johnson, Rock's mother, accepted for Peter Maivia. She was awesome. I used to think that if one man had a tremendous amount of charisma, like Super Porky, that meant nobody else in his family got any. The Maivia family has proven me wrong. Rocky was a fountain of charisma and Ata was hilarious, particularly when she said that "their little pebble" eventually grew up to be THE ROCK. When she was done she got a huge standing ovation, much deserved.
1159
1160Mean Gene Okerlund gave a shout-out to Bobby Heenan, then introduced JBL, who inducted the Briscoes. He only had a very short time to prepare for this, I think a matter of hours, and he came out with no notes whatsoever and fucking tore the house down. JBL has cut some great promos in the past but I had a new respect for him after this. He was so unbelievably great, and funny. Jack Briscoe didn't have much to say other than thanks, but Gerald talked for a long time and did very well. He talked about how proud they were of their Native American heritage and how they had stretched JBL thousands of times (and Bruce Pritchard, who Gerald said he was sure helped JBL with the speech). He said he once saw JBL in the shower and discovered proof that not everything was bigger in Texas. He concluded by saying that working in wrestling for so many decades wasn't easy, but it was worth the drive. This also impressed me.
1161
1162Jim Ross inducted Gordon Solie. Ross clearly could have talked about Solie for ten straight hours and was unfortunately, like everyone else, limited in his time. He did a hell of a job, though, talking about how if it wasn't for listening to Gordon as a kid he'd have never gotten into wrestling, and how Solie was the best announcer ever and "all of us other yahoos" were fighting for number two. He also told some funny Solie stories and memories of working with him in WCW in the late 80s. Solie's family accepted for him. There was a moment when one of the fans screamed "SPEAK UP!" and people got very upset. Some even called for more strict standards about who should be let into the Hall of Fame. I had a somewhat different take. What the guy did was disrespectful, don't get me wrong, but in a building with 12,000 people inside, the fact that you only got basically one guy being disrespectful is a pretty fucking amazing thing. There will always be a geek somewhere, whether you have 12,000 people, 1,200 or probably even 120.
1163
1164Then we got, aside from Flair, the highlight of the night. Pat Patterson came out to induct Mae Young. Stephanie McMahon was supposed to do this and I don't know why it was changed at the last minute. Patterson also had a very limited time to prepare and did an awesome job. It was pretty easy for him because he's been around Mae forever and just told stories about how tough and insane she was. One story in particular was so funny that I actually burst out laughing, which is quite rare, and I cannot do it justice here. Plus, there was a physical comedy aspect to it. In other words, get the DVD. And you should get the DVD anyway because Mae did the best speech I ever saw. I have gushed about Ric Flair throughout this newsletter, but at no point during his speech or during his final match did I come close to shedding a tear. But when Mae wrapped up I nearly wept, and she didn't say a single sad thing. What happened was she came out and she was so unbelievably excited and full of life, and with more excitement than you've ever seen she talked about how much fun she'd had in this business, how she broke in BEFORE MY 65-YEAR-OLD FATHER WAS BORN, and how Strangler Lewis (yes, Strangler Fucking Lewis) gave her the biggest compliment ever when he said that he didn't like girl wrestlers and thought they should be in the kitchen instead of the ring, "but after seeing you, you belong in the ring". She said she loved the fans, every one of them, and that she was going to wrestle on her 100th birthday. Then the music played and she started fucking dancing with Pat Patterson, and she was smiling and laughing and jumping around and shaking her ass at 85 years old, and I nearly lost it. I love Johnnie Mae Young with all my heart and if there is a God she will be here at 100 years old and have a match and it will go perfectly.
1165
1166Dusty Rhodes inducted Eddie Graham. They don't make 'em like Dusty no more. I was in awe of the charisma that flowed from this man, and also in awe of his absolutely repulsive forehead. This man should have been the first to induct himself into the Hall of Fame. He put over Graham as his mentor, saying the only time the two of them ever had a problem was when he said FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY and Graham had no idea what that meant. He said he used to go up to Graham every night and ask him how his match was, and nowadays John Cena did the same thing to him and it made him feel so good. Mike Graham, who is the godfather of Dusty's daughter, accepted the award on behalf for his father. He said Eddie learned how to wrestle after someone stole his lunch money when he was small. He began training in a local YMCA, and because wrestling ended up the biggest thing in his life he always went and gave back to that YMCA. He said he had a gift for the fans, and it was a framed black and white photo from the very first NWA meeting in 1961. This was really cool.
1167
1168The pre-Flair ceremony ended with John Cena coming out and talking about how huge WrestleMania was, and how none of us would even be here today if it were not for these Hall of Famers paving the way. He got everyone on their feet to give all the previous inductees a huge standing ovation. Finally, Hunter came out to kick off the real show, Flair's induction.
1169
1170I wasn't sure I wanted to go to WrestleMania this year, but then on almost a whim I just up and bought my plane ticket one day. It wasn't until I hit the purchase button and got the confirmation screen that I really got excited. And I didn't even know what I was excited about because at that point there was nothing set in stone, no Shawn vs. Flair match, no week-long Orlando festivities from numerous promotions, nothing. In the end, I am so happy to have made that purchase, and now I have this grand desire to go to WrestleMania every year.
1171
1172I would like to conclude with one more thing. I can't mention everyone by name because if I did I would leave some people out, plus, like Ric Flair, I would overshoot my target, but I do want to say thank you to everyone that I met in Orlando and everyone that took care of me during the trip. I do especially want to thank Mr. Jai-Alai Scott for helping out with rooms and SEA WORLD~!, Kenny for helping out with Hall of Fame tickets, and Brian Fritz for helping out with WrestleMania tickets. Kenny also arranged a get-together at Smokey Bones and it was so great to be able to meet some of you for the first time. Like Undertaker at WrestleMania, the Streak continues -- as goofy as our BOARD can be at times, I have yet to go on a trip and meet anyone who wasn't really, really nice. Orlando is a pit of despair but it was because of everyone I met that I ended up having a wonderful time that I will always remember.
1173
1174And yes, Ric Flair, I love you, too. And I'm not sorry.
1175
1176
1177Le defeats Shamrock
1178In the big BATTLE OF SAN JOSE on Saturday night between the two biggest stars in Strikeforce, Cung Le beat Frank Shamrock after Shamrock was unable to come out for the fourth round having had his arm shattered by an incredible kick. In a grand irony, several years back in his K-1 debut (straight kickboxing, not MMA), Shamrock broke Shannon Ritch's arm with an incredibly hard kick.
1179
1180The fight could not have gone better. It was a big risk putting Strikeforce's two biggest draws in the ring together, because no matter what (well, aside from a screwy finish), one of those draws was going to get beaten. As it turns out, this fight was so great that neither guy was hurt by it, and the finish was such that a rematch is inevitable (hopefully immediately, since we've learned what happens when you hold off on dream matches) and will probably be a significantly bigger deal than this first encounter.
1181
1182The fight was close. Cung probably won the first round and Shamrock won the second. Shamrock was probably winning the third right before his forearm was broken, so you've got an easy story going in. It will be quite awhile before a rematch can be booked, however, as Shamrock underwent surgery Sunday to put a steel plate in his broken forearm.
1183
1184The other big news on the show was a big to-do involving Nick Diaz and MARIJUANA, of which he is a lover. Diaz, who has failed for pot before, lives in California and has procured himself a prescription for medical marijuana. What happened was, he turned in his medicals, the CSAC saw the marijuana deal, and they determined that there was not enough time to consult with his doctor about the issue. Therefore, they refused to allow him to compete on the show. Diaz and Gary Shaw were outraged and Diaz has threatened legal action. I think there are several keys to this whole thing. First, it doesn't matter what Diaz has a prescription for, he would not be able to fight if he couldn't pass a drug test for marijuana. The Compassionate Act of 1996, which legalized medical marijuana in California, specifically states: "The administration or use of any drugs, alcohol or stimulants, or injections in any part of the body, either before or during a match, to or by any boxer is prohibited." Also, I don't know the legalities of it, but to me in a situation like this Diaz should have been allowed to be tested in advance to see if he had any pot in his system. If he tested clean, he should have been allowed to fight. Perhaps he should have had to pay for the expense of the test since it was his medicals that brought on this issue, but that's also an arguable point. My problem with this whole deal is that he didn't even turn in his medicals late, he turned them in on time, and since he didn't fail a test he essentially was pulled from the show despite not verifiably doing anything wrong.
1185
1186In non televised bouts, Jesse Jones beat Jesse Gillespie via TKO in 35 seconds of round one. Jones took him right down, got his back, couldn't get a choke and then pounded him into submission. Darren Uyenoyama beat Anthony Figueroa in 1:27 of the first round via guillotine submission. Quick finishes there. And then we got Tiki Ghosn beating Luke Stewart via three round unanimous decision. Very close first round, probably Stewart's. Tiki had the better stand-up in round two but did get busted open, and they had to stop the fight briefly to check on him. Third round was more of the same with Stewart unable to take him down and Tiki picking him apart standing.
1187
11881. Joey Villasenor beat Ryan Jensen. Villasenor took him down early but was unable to really do much. They ended up back on the feet and traded shots, and then suddenly WHAMMO!~!, Villasenor waylaid him with a shot and knocked him into the stratosphere.
1189
11902. Wayne Cole beat Mike Kyle. Fight went less than a minute. Cole immediately took him down and armbarred him.
1191
11923. Gilbert Melendez vs. Gabe Lemley. Melendez outclassed him in the first, taking him down and pounded on him from in the guard. Gabe couldn't do a thing here and may have been saved by the bell. Gilbert beat on him standing in the second, then took him down and continued the beating on the ground. Lemley finally rolled over and gave up his back, which in a sense is like tapping out, and Melendez unleashed hellfire and fury upon him until the venerable HERB DEAN called a stop to the action at 2:18 of the second round.
1193
11944. Drew Fickett vs. Jae Suk Lim. You all know the story of this match and how it came to be. Fickett beat him in about a minute. They had a brief scramble early and Fickett ended up on top. A guillotine later, it was over.
1195
11965. Frank Shamrock vs. Cung Le. Le tried a wacky spinning kick early and Shamrock immediately got his back and tried for a takedown. Cung was way too good a wrestler, however, and fought free. Frank had a welt on his face within the first two minutes. Cung WAYLAID him with a kick early that Shamrock blocked with his forearm. Stephen Quadros ironically noted that even if Frank was blocking these kicks Cung was throwing hard enough that it could theoretically break his forearm. Le was taking him apart standing. They noted that he had been sleeping in a hyperbolic chamber over the past few weeks, like Michael Jackson. He missed another goofy spinning kick and Frank pounced, but once again Le slithered free and it was back on the feet. Shamrock was landing a few shots of his own, including some hard kicks to Le's side. Shamrock ended the round smiling, gesturing to Le that he was going to put him to sleep. Very good first round. Shamrock got hit so hard in the face in the early moments of the second that his mouthpiece went flying. Loud "CUNG LE" chants. Le caught a kick and took him down with the easiest single-leg trip in the world. Very clearly Shamrock had no problem going down and was happy about it. Le just looked at him though. Shamrock suggested Le join him, but Le was like, GET UP, FUCK! Le was landing more and more shots as the round went on. Cung threw some hard kicks to open up round three, including one early that Shamrock blocked with his forearm. It was hard to tell if Shamrock was determined to stand with him or was just unable to take him down at this point. Usually when someone wants the takedown bad that's all they concentrate on, but Frank was standing with him and seemed largely OK with that. Cung hit a HARD kick to the face. Goldberg noted with three minutes left that Frank's right forearm was all swollen from blocking those kicks. Cung hit another spinning backfist after a hook kick set-up, then caught his leg again and swept him down to the mat. The look on Frank's face was awesome. It was as if he said, "Alright, motherfucker, enough of this." Crowd totally got into it at this point. Frank was stalking him now, constantly moving forward and throwing shot after shot. Frank suddenly caught him right on the jaw and smiled huge, as if to say, "You're in trouble now!" He followed it up with more shots and Cung was looking to be in huge trouble. Frank tagged him several times, then bulled him up against the fence. Cung managed to bull his way back to the middle of the ring and they continued trading. They tapped the stick to indicate 10 seconds left, and suddenly Cung threw a mega hard kick right to the bad forearm. Frank immediately shook his arm out and then started backing up, and Cung pounced on him. Frank was taking some bad shots. Realistically, he was saved by the bell, but it didn't matter since he was unable to come out for round four. A great fight.
1197
1198
1199In House Notes
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1201
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1203
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1205
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1207
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1221
1222
1223News
1224
1225WWE
1226Hall of Fame with Flair did a 2.1 rating, double the previous record.
1227
1228We'll have more next week, but the Flair overrun on Raw also did a 4.7, the best quarter in a long, long time.
1229
1230More notes from Monday night. There was talk of trying to get Sting in there for the retirement ceremony but nothing became of it. Obviously he would have shown up off television. Most of the guys were called within the last week. Vince bit the bullet on a few things, including JJ Dillon, who 99 times out of 100 he would have just said no to. Flair apparently was told to go out there and say goodbye, and to make sure to keep it short and sweet. He knew that they were planning something but had no idea what, and probably could not have even imagined the scope of it.
1231
1232Dusty Rhodes is out of creative and will now be heading up Florida Championship Wrestling. This was a decision he made and approached Stephanie about, and not a situation where WWE demoted him or anything like that. I don't know why he wasn't at Raw, but it probably had something to do with this. They also let him do the taped promo, so I'm sure everything is fine. Also, Roddy Piper wasn't there because he was filming a movie, for those wondering. The Dusty thing had been in the works for long time. We're told that Michael Hayes is pretty much bulletproof as the head writer on Smackdown and the same probably goes for Brian Gewirtz on Raw as well, meaning Dusty knew there was little if any chance of him getting the book for one of the A-shows. He was helping out a lot with ECW, mostly suggesting ideas and helping out with vignettes and backstage promos, but he'd been asking to go to developmental for months. There is also the issue that at his age, all that travel and time on the road is no fun. He's aged a lot in the past few years and has spent many nights in hotels in Stamford waiting for creative meetings that never take place because of Vince's schedule. He's always said that he doesn't want to die on the road or in a hotel room, and it's much easier on him to stay near his home and work in developmental. He also is really interested in grooming young guys for the future, and is said to not want Cody to get the rep that he's getting a push because his dad is in creative. Dusty has always been low-key about how his son is pushed to avoid being the typical wrestling father. He currently lives in Georgia but has a second residence in Florida and will probably be moving there permanently. Ed Koskey will probably remain on the Raw crew but also be the head writer for ECW. Right now, there really isn't a main writer for the show because it just sort of exists and there is little long-term planning (which is obvious if you ever watched the show). Michael Hayes had talked about possibly taking over the show but was concerned about burnout.
1233
1234There were rumors that Rock was aloof at the Hall of Fame backstage, but others who talked to him said that was not the case at all. He was in a hurry because he's currently filming a Disney movie in Vegas and had to "move Heaven and Earth" to get out for the Hall of Fame. I think he went first so they could get him out there and then let him fly back to continue working on the movie.
1235
1236The WWE guys were on Larry King this week. Your typical wrestling fluff piece putting over Mania. The highlight may have been Mayweather claiming he was getting $20 million, the match would be a shoot, and he might never go back to boxing. Well, he's a perfect fit for this business.
1237
1238Remember those early HBK/Mr. Kennedy matches where Kennedy botched spots left and right? Shawn did an interview (I apologize for not knowing the source) and said: "'I think we had to get used to each other. Ken has a different style, so there were adjustments for him to make and adjustments for me to make. That is pretty common when you get in there with new guys who you haven't been in there with. We tried to do a little something different, which is a little more mat wrestling." A DIFFERENT STYLE. Shawn also said that he had been working on mat wrestling with Jamie Noble, Fit Finlay and William Regal. So for those of you wondering why Shawn Michaels is so great, here's Shawn Fucking Michaels, at 42-years-old with nothing to prove, trying to learn new things. He also had this depressing statement which I hope was more in character than anything else: ''I sort of nowadays go where the wind blows. I suppose I say that, because when you've seen so many eras come and go, you're not awestruck by them. For me, I go back to if this is Ric Flair's last match, that is the end of an era. With all due respect to everyone else in the industry, it's an era I'm a part of. If the Ric Flair era is over, it will question if I want to be part of what the next era is.".
1239
1240Bonnie Hammer, a huge WWE proponent who was responsible for getting ECW on Sci-Fi despite a large number of complaints, has been promoted to President, Cable Entertainment and Cable Studio. She now has executive responsibility over NBC Universal Cable Studio and NBCU's Emerging Networks Group.
1241
1242Raw last week, the go-home show before Mania, did a 3.42 rating (3.75 realistic number counting TiVos) with a 3.27 and 4.8 million viewers in the first hour and 3.56 and 5.2 million viewers in the second hour. It's not how many viewers you have, but how many you convert to PPV. They convert just 20% of those for the biggest show of the year and that's the biggest WrestleMania buyrate in history.
1243
1244ECW did a 1.43, which is good.
1245
1246There was a wonderful interview with Shawn Michaels by Mike Mooneyham, talking about what Flair meant to him growing up and how important this final match was. He said he always wanted to be like Flair, not exactly a carbon copy but pretty damn close, because if you want to be a wrestler and you want to be the best, well, who better to emulate than the best wrestler and worker there has ever been? He said getting to know Flair was such an honor and every time he thought about the fact that Flair had chosen him for this, he was moved to tears. "For me to be handpicked by the man who I was inspired by, the man who I consider to be a wonderful friend, is beyond what words can describe. For him to say, 'I want you, I don't think anybody else can do the job better for me than you in my last one,' it's amazing. I am so extremely touched, and I'm brought to tears every time I think about it. I've never in all my years in wrestling felt so much pressure to want to do the best I can. I've never gone into a Wrestlemania feeling insecure. I've never gone into a wrestling match insecure or not confident, or just not in my mind believing I can get this done. But I have with this one. I wonder if I can do justice and do it for the guy who deserves it." He said he had to detach himself from everything so that he didn't lose his mind, but he said once the match was over the wall was going to come down and whether the world saw it or not he was going to "blubber like a baby". He added: "It's been a weird sort of couple of weeks, because when I see Ric, I just have to detach myself and stay focused on the job. But when I'm allowed to drift off by myself and think about how much this means to me, it really is such an honor. Nothing could thrill me more than for him to say, 'It was the greatest moment I ever had.' He's had so many. Can I bring him the best one? For me it is almost like a really old couple who have spent all their lives together. And when one of them passes, the other one sort of loses their will to live. And they go shortly afterwards. I have to be honest. For the first time, I am seriously considering that if Ric is gone, I shortly want to follow. It's the end of an era, and I'm part of that era. I just don't know that I even want to exist".
1247
1248Mayweather got pissed off on the Off the Record show in Canada with Michael Landsberg (who has done tons and tons of pro-wrestling-related shows over the years. I guess they wanted to ask him one final question and he flipped out, saying no, that's not what he'd agreed to. He took off his mic, threw it down and walked off. Well well. Landsberg just buried him afterwards.
1249
1250Ticket sales for WWE in Mexico this May are doing all right. At press time, 32% of the tickets were sold at Plaza Monumental in Monterrey (May 21), no report for Plaza de Toros Santa Maria (22nd), 45% for Palacio de los Deportes (23rd) and 43% for Placio de los Deportes on the 24th. They have sold out in an hour or two in the past, though people are still saying these are good numbers. It is believed everything will sell out.
1251
1252Funny story. There was a giant Mania sign on a building in Orlando that featured all the male wrestlers – Cena, HHH, Show, etc. – with NO NIPPLES. This led to a big tongue-in-cheek newspaper story about NIPPLEGATE. The story is that there is a city ordinance banning shots of nipples and so these had to be airbrushed out. I guess it later came out that there wasn't actually any such ordinance but nobody had checked to make sure. Welcome to TNA. The no-nipples photo was so hilarious. The same sign appeared on a bunch of city buses, but the guys kept their nipples for those.
1253
1254Mayweather told Sports Illustrated: "My ultimate goal is to entertain the fans and entertain the people. A lot of people on the outside say that wrestling is not this and it's not that, but believe me, wrestling is real. They're not just entertainers, they're athletes. There are hard slaps and hard punches." They talked about the preparation in the last few weeks, including daily calls between Floyd and Vince McMahon. "We always have this magical curtain backstage," said Vince. "A lot of athletes want to be on the show but you never want to cross the line but we've wanted to do something with Floyd for sometime and he's always waned to do something with us. I think he respects what we do and I respect what he does," said Orton. "He's a tough guy. I wouldn't want to fight him. I wouldn't want to box him. I think he's good for the wrestling industry." "When you mention Oscar De Lay Hoya, you're mentioning an ordinary fighter," said Mayweather, when asked about the original idea for a mixed tag with Oscar De La Hoya, which Oscar had no interest in. "When you mention Floyd Mayweather, you're mentioning an entertainer. A guy who's not scared to go out there and take a chance and take a risk and go out the box, that's what it's about. Certain NFL players and NBA players are labeled as just that, when you look at me, I'm labeled as an entertainer." He added, "This could be another branch to my career; I really don't know what the future holds. Before I got involved with the WWE, I thought this stuff was easy but no, it's hard work. There's a lot of hard work that goes into this. I saw The Undertaker walk around with an ice pack on his back and Shawn Michaels walk around with an ice pack on his knees. This stuff is crazy. It's not as easy as you think. Who knows? It's possible I could be here to stay".
1255
1256There was an incident at WrestleMania involving pyro that made national headlines. There were, as noted, fireworks going off all night, and near the end there were two that went off like missiles on each side of the Bowl. I remember seeing them and thinking, well, that looks kind of dangerous. It looked like they were shooting towards the stage and I figured when they hit they'd blow up. Don't know what the plan was, but it went wrong and some forty spectators were burned, three bad enough that they required hospitalization. Thankfully none of the injuries were all that serious.
1257
1258Three dudes were arrested in Orange County after a bank robbery and police chase, and the story made headlines because they robbed while wearing lucha masks. You would think that in Southern Califonia people would understand the tie-in, but that was not the case here as they were dubbed the "WWE Shotgun Bandits". Ironically, WWE used to have a show called WWE Shotgun Saturday night. The three, Gary Edward Caruthers, 50, and Jay Chandler Flott, 51, both of Los Angeles, and Andre Williamson, 50, of Inglewood, all had served time for robbery in the past, including EIGHTEEN YEARS for Williamson.
1259
1260All the wrestlers stayed at the Doubletree Hotel in Orlando. It was on a complete lockdown with nobody allowed in unless you were with WWE. The TNA crew was actually there a few days before for the TNA/Midway press conference, and as the weekend drew near they were forced to check out to make room for WWE.
1261
1262
1263TNA
1264The big story coming out of the TNA taping on Thursday didn't end up being the rating (which sucked), the fact that it was the first live show, or anything like that. The big story was that HIGHLANDER ROBBIE was there and was shown on camera. Apparently he decided since he was in town he'd go to the show as a fan and watch his buddy Johnny Devine's match. He put a disguise on, waited in line, got inside, etc. TNA then decided to show him on screen, calling him by his real name (Derreck Graham-Couch) and pointing out that he was a WWE wrestler. He knew he was in trouble and immediately hid his face. Problem was, he didn't hide it enough and it was very clear what happened. WWE immediately sent him a text saying he'd been shown on TV and he needed to leave immediately. He was then sent home from WrestleMania weekend, though at press time he had not been fired. There were people very upset with how TNA handled it, feeling they put a guy's career in danger for no good reason, and that he was largely an innocent victim. No word on his status at press time, though the company was not happy.
1265
1266After the Highlander Robbie deal went down, WWE clamped down and told all the talent that they were not to speak to the TNA talent under any circumstances during the weekend. A few guys disobeyed. I don't have a full list of names but I was told that one of them was Chavo Guerrero, hence his rapid loss to Kane in the ECW Title match.
1267
1268It should be noted that there was an interesting double-standard as Kevin Nash was backstage at WrestleMania and John Lauranitis spent a lot of time hanging out with Jeff Jarrett earlier in the week.
1269
1270There were 80,000 people in Orlando, three TNA tapings, and I got exactly zero reports. Keep in mind I got reports on EVERYTHING else this weekend. The first night, as noted elsewhere, they gave out 1,200 comps for a 900 seat building, and between 1,000 and 2,000 fans were turned away. They were IRATE, chanting "FUCK TNA!" outside the building. A lot just plan boycotted the other two nights afterwards. Great planning by TNA. Third day, which was Saturday afternoon so as not to interfere with the Hall of Fame, was described as boring. I actually did get one report, now that I think about it, from someone who remarked that live, the shows aren't bad at all because all you get is the wrestling and none of the idiotic backstage skits. I feel bad sometimes when I talk about how I hate TNA, because the truth is that I don't, I just hate Impact. Also, after visiting Orlando, it's very clear why the same 900 fans show up week after week after week. Anything to get off the streets of Orlando is a plus.
1271
1272We also heard from tons of people that didn't get in about how disorganized it was. Also heard from VIPs that were told they were on the VIP list in advance, but then when they got there they weren't.
1273
1274WWE guys were also told to stay away from all TNA and ROH events, but I know of at least two guys under developmental contract that were at the ROH shows this weekend.
1275
1276Live Impact show did a 1.00 rating with an 0.71 in males 18-49, and 0.48 in persons 18-49, an 0.68 in males 18-34, and 1.4 million viewers. What a terrible number that is. The company hadn't been expecting anything huge but were praying for a 1.3 or so. This was actually lower than even my expectations as I figured they'd get at least a 1.1 This live taping was a test, a one-time deal to see how it worked, and while I don't know this I would guess that we won't be seeing another one anytime soon. Quarters were 0.92, 0.87 (big drop), 0.92, 0.95, 1.00, 0.89, 1.02 and 1.25. That's actually a hell of a final quarter there, so fans were interested in the return of Sting and his match with James Storm.
1277
1278Impact will be taped the Tuesday and Wednesday after Lockdown, not Monday. That would be April 14th and 15th. Not sure why the change was made.
1279
1280TNA got so many votes for their interactive live show deal that they crashed the website.
1281
1282Company got good news in that that signed a deal with Joe Hand Promotions to distribute their PPVs in bars and restaurants. It'll be interesting to see how this works and if they actually get shown anywhere. You used to see WWE shows in bars and such all the time, but of late you barely do at all and most places have switched to UFC.
1283
1284
1285UFC
1286Tim Sylvia is done. He had one fight left on his contract and was talking publicly about testing the waters elsewhere, so UFC released him. He has interest in fighting in Japan and for other organizations, including ADRENALINE, which is the new name of Monty Cox's group. Cox had been heavily involved in M-1, but that whole thing ended up crashing and burning in majestic fashion (complete with the now-official release of their crown jewel, former PRIDE World Heavyweight Champion Fedor Emelianenko). M-1 still exists, but I guess they're going back to Russia where they started and will be headed again by Fedor's agent Vadim Finklestein (real name). Meanwhile, Cox and Mark Cuban's Adrenaline, without Fedor, is still planning on running March 14th in Chicago with Sylvia and former IFL star Ben Rothwell.
1287
1288Notes from a Marshall Zelaznik interview in Fighting Spirit Magazine. Zelaznik is the head of UFC UK. He said he and everyone else in UFC believed that many WWE fans "graduated" to UFC. That's a term I've heard a lot of people use of late. He said as these fans got a little older they probably found that they wanted something more real. "For us it’s great. Those fans are loyal – the WWE fan is a loyal, hardcore fan. And they know all the ins and outs of the wrestlers they like – what they’re doing, what their background story is, and they love the nuance of the sport and the entertainment factor. And so those are the kinds of fans that, for all the same reasons, are the core fans of the UFC – they can follow their fighters, they can see how they’re progressing as they get older, and they see how good they really are. The other thing is that WWE fans are consumers in the biggest sense of the word – they’ll reach into their pocket to get their product, be it PPVs, merchandise or whatever. So for us, because we’re driven by a similar model, they’ve graduated to us and that means they’re used to paying for it on television, they’re used to looking online for information, they’re used to buying a t-shirt, so there isn’t a whole lot of re-education that has to happen." Regarding losing their ass in the European market, he said some things were doing very well – great gates, great attendance, great merchandise numbers, great ratings, etc. He said they had an idea of how much money they wanted to make and they hit that target, but the problem was that they spent way more than they expected to get there. He said it wasn't a disaster and that these were investments for a few years down the road, and if all else failed, well, they'd head back home to the US. Regarding how the content was delivered in the UK (primarily subscription-based services and free TV) vs. the US (PPV), he said: "The UFC in the States was a PPV product because no one else would touch it, so it had nowhere else to go. But the irony is that the programme that made the UFC the beast it is now was The Ultimate Fighter, which is on free television. So the paradigm has been completely switched here, because we have a lot of free television partners that want the UFC, which we didn’t have in the States, yet there isn’t a great outlet for PPV here in terms of consumers willing to buy".
1289
1290
1291Other MMA
1292Biggest fight in WEC history, Urijah Faber vs. Jens Pulver for the Featherweight Title, takes place June 1st in Sacramento at the Arco Arena. It will air on Versus, not on PPV as had been speculated. WWE has a PPV the same night so they'll be going head-to-head. Remind me if I ever run an MMA company never to do something so dumb, particularly for my biggest show of all time.
1293
1294WEC fighter Leonard Garcia was arrested this week in connection with a cocaine trafficking ring investigation in Lubbock, TX. Well, he was a skinny dude. His manager said he was shocked by the allegations. Garcia was one of thirteen arrested following a four-year investigation.
1295
1296Elite XC CBS debut on May 31st now has Kimbo Slice vs. TBA, Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith, Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young, Phil Baroni vs. Murilo Ninja and Brett Rogers vs. John Murphy.
1297
1298Ken Shamrock issued a statement denying his brother Frank's claim that he'd used steroids his whole life. He said it was a ridiculous and irresponsible statement, and that he'd taken a number of steroids tests in his career and never failed a single one. "For Frank to state that a majority of fighters use steroids and that the promoters do not care, or that they somehow condone the use of steroids, is unbelievably irresponsible," he said. "It tarnishes the image of every fighter and promoter in this industry. The comments Frank made about me and about the industry itself are based purely on his personal opinion, not on facts".
1299
1300IFL and Fox Sports Net came to an agreement to air a one-hour Fight Night show every Saturday starting at midnight.
1301
1302Strange Fedor lawsuit. From what I can gather, Fedor did a commercial in Korea that had him endorsing a honey drink. Apparently, he was very unhappy with how the commercial turned out, claiming it was shoddy and did not fit his image as the most powerful fighter in the world. He is now suing for $1.6 million and wants a public apology on Korean TV. So then South Korean prosecutors filed suit against a man (currently unidentified) who allegedly used Fedor's publicity rights without his consent, and was paid $22 million by the advertisers in 2006. They want restitution. All this over honey.
1303
1304There was a story about KIDS ULTIMATE FIGHTING that got WAY too much press this week. It's basically about kids taking jiu-jitsu and stand-up classes. Of course, I had friends come up to me dying to know what this was all about, totally appalled. The funniest thing is that one of the stories I saw had a shot of two little kids rolling around on the mat, and they were decked head-to-toe in pads. I mean, they were completely obscured to the point where it was comedy. Right now, the only place children are allowed to participate is Missouri. Nathan Orand, a martial arts trainer from Tulsa, was quoted as saying, "I can see their point because when you say 'cage fighting,' that right there just sounds like kids shouldn't be doing it. But you still have all the respect that regular martial arts teach you. And it's really the only true way for youth to be able to defend themselves." He said with all the protection and referees it was easy for kids to avoid injuries.
1305
1306
1307Other wrestling
1308Former WCW wrestler Chase Tatum was found dead in his home last week at the age of 34. He'd undergone back surgery ten days prior, and the cause of death was listed as an accidental drug overdose. He'd had major pill problems for years and was considering undergoing treatment for it when he passed away. A full toxicology report won't be available for about two weeks. Of late he had been working as a personal trainer. He was also working as an actor and had a role in Who's Your Caddy?.
1309
1310Luis Magana, who did commentary for boxing and wrestling on the old Spanish International Network (KMEX-TV) in Los Angeles in the 70s and 80s alongside Miguel Alonzo passed away Sunday at the ripe old age of NINETY SEVEN.
1311
1312Raven is going to be a part of a new Roller Games production. Not sure the details, but there is an audition tape on the Internet that he sent in which appears to have been taped at the Impact Zone (in other words, awhile ago). No word on what he'll be doing with the project.
1313
1314Sid Vicious, 48, announced that he would be making his return to wrestling for the NWA on April 19th in New Jersey. He said this was the start of his full-time comeback. Sid hasn't wrestled regularly since he absolutely destroyed his leg (in broke in two in one of the most gruesome occurrences in wrestling history) doing a jumping off the ropes (yes, Sid jumped off the ropes) highspot in WCW years back.
1315
1316
1317CMLL
1318Post Dos Leyedas shows have done good numbers, which means that as much as some people hated the finish of the Perro Aguayo Jr. vs. Hector Garza hair match (low blow finish), it may have actually been good heat and people will pay huge money to see Garza get his revenge.
1319
1320Now with that said, Arena Mexico on March 25th drew 4,000. Sounds bad, but they had no main event to speak of as Marco Corleone vs. Terrible got TOP BILLING. No buys. Corleone won two straight falls, the second via FOULE DQ, then they issued hair match challenges.
1321
1322La Madusa suffered a bad elbow injury and is out until at least May.
1323
1324CMLL is planning on debuting another El Bronco. They've had Broncos in the past, and they've always failed. There is a popular music act called Los Broncos, however, so I guess they always go back to it.
1325
1326
1327ROH
1328Notes from the two ROH shows this weekend. I saw the second half of show one but got reports on the first several matches, and was at the Hall of Fame for night two. From pretty much all accounts night one was good but not great, and night two was just awesome. Friday night opened with Nigel McGuinness cutting a heel promo, saying that nobody was going to beat him this weekend, particularly Austin Aries the next night. He buried the fans, calling them panty-waists and the like. He's also now wearing the title backwards so that he can tell people that they can see he's World Champion and then kiss his ass. Nigel beat Delirious in a non-title match. Heard this was a great opener, lots of comedy early, a simple, logical match, heat by Nigel, then Delirious made a comeback and finally fell victim to Nigel's ARM SUBMISSION. Ruckus & Jigsaw beat Sal Rinaruo and Kenny King. Match was only about five minutes but was fun. Kenny is the former Tough Enough guy, KING KENNY FROM AFRICA, who works a lot down in Florida and apparently has improved a lot of late. Finish was a double knee stomp on Rinauro off the top. Sucks to be him. Aries beat Genki Horiguchi. Aries was over like crazy and the place went "WHOO!" for all his chops and stuff. A great back and forth match that finished with the brainbuster and the horns of Aries submission. People were chanting "NEXT WORLD CHAMP!", so Jimmy Jacobs came out and said listen, two months ago I made an offer for you to join Age of the Fall, and if you do it tonight I guarantee that you will be the next World Champion. Aries went to grab the mic but Lacey snatched it from him and said Aries was a man of action, not words, and he could show them what he was made of later. Cue Tammy Sytch to Chris Candido's old "Back in Black" theme. She basically cut a promo where she said, seriously, that she, Tammy, was the one who paved the way for future crack whore skanks like Lacey. Well. She said the only reason Lacey was a wrestler in ROH was because she wasn't pretty enough to be a Diva. This got a babyface pop. She got into Aries' face and wiggled her boobs around and said she was clearly more woman than Lacey would ever be, and that her record spoke for itself and that she'd taken many mediocre wrestlers and made them stars. Aries said listen, first off I'm not a mediocre wrestler and second off I have no trouble getting women. He said the only thing he was concentrating on this weekend was the title, and off he went. Lacey and Tammy then got into a bitch-fest which ended with Lacey kicking her in the gut and laying her out with a DDT, which Tammy sold great. Last match before intermission was said to be ridiculously great, Kevin Steen & Generico vs. Naruki Doi & Masato Yoshino. Said to be the best match of the night by far, though Vinny did remark that there was a point near the finish where they did this unbelievably great spot and the place went insane, jumping up and down and screaming and cheering and counting along with the ref, and then THAT WASN'T THE FINISH. They went another two minutes and did the real finish and it didn't get half the reaction. Sometimes you need to call an audible and just end it. Finish ended up being a package piledriver/brainbuster combo. As Jubs used to say, Generico always has the best match on the show.
1329
1330I showed up at this point, during intermission. Lots of people there in the building and very warm with no air conditioning. This was fine since I'd been to a few PWG shows in the middle of September that were baking hot. Tyler Black & Jimmy Jacobs lost to BxB Hulk & Shingo. Very good match, best one I saw this particular evening. Tyler Black is really, really good. Sadly, he did the job. Still, an excellent match that gets a huge thumbs up, and both Dragon Gate guys ruled (theme). Briscoes beat Ryo Saito & Dragon Kid in a pretty good match. Some fun comedy early. Now that I have seen the Briscoes live I can tell you that my main problem with their matches is the structure. There is never really a build to anything once they start the nearfalls. It's just one nearfall after another after another after another, and it's impossible to care about them after awhile. What is kind of frustrating about it is that when you watch them work, they're actually technically great. They're always in the right place for everything, they do a great job catching smaller guys, the whole nine yards. With the right opponents every night, I think they really could be up there with the best tag teams in the world. They won with the springboard Doomsday device. There were some casual fans here that were screaming "HE'S JUST A KID!" as they were beating on Kid. I laughed. Main was Roderick Strong & Rocky Romero & Davey Richards vs. CIMA & Go Shiozaki & Erick Stevens. Stevens and Strong chopped the shit out of each other. This match had its moments, don't get me wrong, but overall it went on too long and, quite frankly, there were just too many MOVES. I wasn't the only one thinking this either. I should note that there was a couple sitting in front of me that appeared to be rather casual fans. There was a point in this match during the nearfalls where they got really into it, and in fact the dude (it was a husband and wife) literally scooted forward and was sitting there on the edge of his seat, just transfixed by what he was seeing. It was pretty great at the time, by the way. But then, as usual, the match just kept going, and even though everyone was doing more MOVES the excited man got less and less excited and then scooted back off the edge of his seat and eventually stopped watching the match and started chatting with his wife. This is not how it should work. I should note that before this match, Larry Sweeney came out to try to recruit the Corps. He gave his business card to Davey, who apparently had the look on his face like he was thinking of accepting this offer. Sweeney was awesome, and, yes, nobody boos him even though they're supposed to. CIMA, who was awesome, pinned Strong with his cross-arm package piledriver dealie. LIVE THE GIMMICK. Our correspondent Jon Hamilton wrote: "I met Larry Sweeney, and I asked him is he had seen Bryan Alvarez in Orlando. He said, 'What? he's here?' and he looked around the room. I said that I didn't think he was in this hotel, but yah Bryan is in Orlando, and he was supposed to be at the ROH show tonight. Sweeney went on to cut a scathing heel promo on Alvarez calling him a coward, and pointing out that he was on Bryan's show this week and at no point did Bryan mention to him that he would be in Orlando this weekend. He added that he will be victorious in reclaiming his Tex-Arkana Television Title at their rematch in Philadelphia. This promo went on for close to 5 minutes, and it was only delivered to me, but with the full intensity of a Sweet 'n Sour Larry Sweeney promo. It was so effective that I started to run the expenses in my head to figure out if I could afford to fly from Seattle to Philadelphia for this match. Why is he not on TV every week?".
1331
1332Night two, as noted, was said to be incredible. I was, however, at the Hall of Fame watching RIC FUCKING FLAIR and MAE FUCKING YOUNG proceed to BE FUCKING AWESOME. Yeah. Delirious opened the show again, doing more wacky comedy with Go Shiozaki. Said to be great. Some nearfalls at the finish and then Go hit the GO FLASHER for the pin. Kenny King & Sal Rinauro & Chasyn Rance faced DINGO & Alex Payne & Bushwhacker Luke. Yes, Luke wrestled. He was at the show the night before sitting behind us with his sunglasses on, watching all the matches and marking out. He appeared to be a huge fan of Tyler Black. Match went about eight minutes and was said to be fun. Dingo did the el jobski here. Didn't hear how Luke looked. Rocky Romero & Davey Richards beat Ruckus & Jigsaw to retain the ROH Tag Titles. Ruckus and Jigsaw won the title shot at the PPV taping in a dark match, then they taped the match here for whatever reason. Went about ten minutes and the crowd was believing for awhile that there might be a title change. We heard the same thing all weekend that we've heard since he unmasked, and that is that Jigsaw needs to put the mask back on. Sweeney came out afterwards and said he wanted to reiterate his offer to Roderick Strong. Erick Stevens ended up running down and attacking Roddy. The two were scheduled to have an FIP Title match and I guess they did, but it ended up a huge brawl and both guys beat up and threw the ref out of the ring for presumably the DQ (no bell rang). Bad guys then destroyed Erick with a few unprotected chairshots to the head, then as he was all bloody they got out the clippers and cut off half his Mohawk before Jigsaw and Ruckus made the save. Age of the Fall beat Briscoes. Apparently the finish in particular ruled. Briscoes have been doing a lot of finishes off the springboard doomsday device attempt. They had the match in Japan with Naomichi Marufuji where Marufuji took the move and turned it into a shiranui in mid-air for the pin (you have to see it to believe it). This time, they hit Jacobs with it and as Jacobs was flipping over he hooked Mark in the guillotine submission, before they even hit the ground. Mark tapped out and the ref called for the bell. Great finish to a match with all the usual Briscoes wackiness.
1333
1334After intermission we got Shingo & BxB Hulk vs. Kevin Steen & Generico. Steen is apparently super over, and in the past few shows people have been chanting "NEXT WORLD CHAMP!" at him. He continues the gimmick of commanding Generico to do random flips, which is the best gimmick in the world. Shingo pinned Generico for the finish. BxB apparently did a five minute dance routine before the match that was awesome. Nigel beat Aries to retain the title in what was said to be an unbelievable match. The big spot was Aries hitting the kick to the face/brainbuster/frog splash combo, and the place going absolutely haywire ballistic, and then Nigel GETTING HIS FEET ON THE ROPES. They continued on a bit and then Nigel finally hit a killer lariat for the pin. Match went about 25 minutes. Jimmy Jacobs came out afterwards and tried to recruit Aries, saying clearly it wasn't his destiny to win the title this evening but he'd be his personal Jesus. Lacey offered to take him to the back and show him what Age of the Fall was all about. As they were about to leave, out came Tammy for more crack whore references. Aries ended up leaving with Lacey and the heels grabbed Tammy and Rain, who was with them, started slapping her around. Briscoes of all people made the save, and as they were heading to the back the fans chanted "TRIPLE THREAT!", so they all stopped and held up the old ECW Triple Threat hand signal. Main was the annual Dragon Gate Six-Man, with Naruki Doi & Masato Yoshino & Genki Horiguchi beating CIMA & Dragon Kid & Ryo Saito. They started super fast and it was tough for the crowd to get into it after the last match. They slowed down a bit, then picked it back up and got the crowd again. Tons of amazing spots, then Doi pinned Dragon for the finish. Jon wrote: "This show is one of the, if not the, best show in Ring of Honor history. I am so exhausted from the experience, that I can barely bring myself to go to Wrestlemania today. The last 4 matches were especially stellar, and the title match and Dragon Gate 6 man tag are matches that people should go out of their way to see. I highly recommend buying both of this weekend's Orlando shows when they are released on DVD. There were no heel promos cut on Bryan Alvarez on this day".
1335
1336
1337Vinny's DVD Review and Karaoke Showcase
1338
1339Vinny does Orlando: March 27, 2008
1340It was Thursday morning, and I was going to Orlando for Wrestlemania. What could go wrong? I had everything prepared. I’d packed the night before. I had way more clothes than I would need. I had shorts and pants, so I was ready for any weather. I had shoes and I had sandals. I had a SHARP new pair of sunglasses. It was all highlighted by the SUIT~! I was wearing to the Hall Of Fame awards. My hair was done, my fingernails too. I’d even taken the fancy-ass watch that had been sitting in various closets I have owned for the past 15 years and finally had it fitted. Make no mistake, I was going to look GOOD on this trip.
1341
1342So of course, I arrived at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport more than a little late. I more or less breezed through ticketing to reach the security lines. You will note that says “lines,” as in, more than one. To be specific, there were two lines, and they each started at the same place. It wasn’t until quite a few minutes had passed that I realized they ended at entirely different points; the line I was in was a good 20 yards longer. Worse, there was only one agent working the longer line, and two agents working the shorter line. I watched people enter that line and pass all the way through as my line inched forward and my plane got closer and closer to taking off. With ten minutes until departure, I just cut to the front of the other line and got the hell out of there. I acknowledged my offense to those behind me (“Sorry to be such a dick!” were my exact words) and then went on a dead sprint to the gate. Hurry! Hurry!.
1343
1344Victory! I got to the gate on time. Failure! My flight had been delayed. How long? What for? Would this screw up my connection to Orlando? Would I ever get there? There were no clear answers to any of these questions. The readerboard said the delay would last about an hour, but I heard whispers that it could be much longer. With nothing else to do, I jumped in line with the rest of the cattle. This was the slowest line ever, as passengers learned that they could not get where they wanted to go. Apparently snowstorms in Chicago (where I had a layover) were making it impossible for planes to take off or land. On the spot, vacations were altered or outright canceled. Hotels were booked. Children wept. I joined them.
1345
1346I found myself in line with three people about my own age. One explained that his entire career was based on taking existing operations and making them run more efficiently. Every time this man looked at anything in this airport, you could see him start to smolder. Our friends were a young couple born and raised in Evansville, Indiana, and as such had grown to hate America. They were returning from two weeks spent in British Columbia, prepping for a move to Canada. They had been warned about the inefficiencies of socialized health care and the mandatory devotion to hockey, and they were like, we don’t fucking care, WE’RE GONE.
1347
1348As I slowly, slowly approached the front of the line, I watched other passengers deal with the changes to their schedules. Many were imploring the airline to fly into Chicago anyway. Seems a lot of them thought a 10 percent chance of a plane crash was an acceptable risk. I was in the other camp. My other favorites were the guys who were taking their frustrations out on the poor old lady behind the desk. Yes, folks, it’s HER fault! SHE MADE THE SNOW!.
1349
1350The end result of all this: I spent more than two hours in line to talk to someone for less than three minutes and get almost no information. Here’s all I learned: My plane was going to be late arriving in Chicago. HOWEVER, my connecting flight was also going to be late arriving to Chicago, so I would probably still be able to catch it. PROBABLY. It was at this point that I spent $5 on pizza and $7 on beer.
1351
1352As time flowed by, we were finally given the clearance to board. The guy in the seat next to me had apparently been in Seattle on business, and business had gone well, as he loudly explained to the person on the other end of his cell phone. There had been a meeting, you see, and although this gentleman had been hindered by an impotent boss, incompetent teammates and insufficient equipment, he had KILLED at this meeting and carried the day. He went on about how he was going to celebrate with steak and wine and cigars until I really, really wanted to punch this jackass in the mouth. I don’t think it was intentional, but it really was a hell of a heel promo by this here flyer. So eventually he put down the cellphone and pulled out the laptop to refine his presentation further. I peaked. Turns out this man’s business in Seattle was to raise funds to grow crops that would feed starving Africans. So I guess the jackass was me.
1353
1354The next three-plus hours were an uneventful plane ride. There was SKYMALL~!, the world’s greatest publication, highlighted by things like a $1,500 device that can wind 20 watches at once, or a $1,600 machine that serves exactly one purpose: To pop corn. More than that though, I had my new iPod nano, loaded with great low-key travel songs by folks like Mazzy Star, the Sundays, Tori Amos, Clannad and others. Better yet, I had the finer selections of the soundtracks from the Lord of the Rings movies. This was crucial, because I had picked up Fellowship of the Ring (the book) for the flight. Two of my best friends had attempted to read this book and failed, claiming it was far too dull, but I was determined. Besides, after reading George Orwell’s 1984 (so called because it is the number words in one of the book’s typical sentences) on a plane once, I knew I could read anything.
1355
1356Our plane landed on a snow-covered runway in Chicago. I scampered off to find the gate for my connecting flight to Orlando, then scampered back when I realized I only had to go one gate over. Not only was I going to make my flight, but I actually had another hour to kill. And so I turned once more to my friend beer, along with a Chicago-style hot dog. This was my first trip ever to the Windy City, so I cannot judge the authenticity of this hot dog, but I can confirm that it had onions and green relish and mustard and tomatoes, and it was beautiful. Also, yummy.
1357
1358When it came time to board the plane, I found myself sitting in the aisle seat, next to two girls who I would later learn were high school seniors. In less time than it took you to read that sentence, one of them tapped the shoulder of one of the boys sitting in the row ahead of her. He looked back annoyed. “Switch seats with us,” the girl said. “WHY?” asked the boy. “BECAUSE.” Said the girl. The boy looked at me. I looked back at him and shrugged. So he moved back to my row and they moved up to his. This was, without question, the quickest, most sudden and most decisive rejection of my life. I need to clarify this. I did not speak to these girls. I did not wink. I did not leer. I did not giggle. I did not grab my crotch and raise my eyebrows. If I did anything, it was a simple nod as we made eye contact when I sat down. Apparently this was enough to render my presence INTOLERABLE. This actually worked out fine for me, because it opened up the seat next to me and I had more elbow room. This was great until I wanted to read, only to discover the light was out in that seat. And the next one I tried. And the third. This was a hell of a plane. On the fourth try, I found an unoccupied seat with a working light, and I read until we reached Orlando.
1359
1360Of course, we were not the only passengers on this flight to Orlando, home of Disney World and other beacons to youngsters across America. And many of those youngsters had gathered in Chicago to journey to Orlando with their families, only to be delayed by this late winter weather. This caught both them and their families off guard and unprepared. In short, I flew from Illinois to Florida on the Crying Baby Expressway. Worse, when the plane finally landed in Orlando, after three hours in an airport and three more trapped on an airplane, every single tot had filled his or her diaper to its maximum capacity. That was a smelly, smelly plane.
1361
1362The evening had thrown one final monkey wrench into my plans. Originally, I was going to land just before midnight, local time, Thursday night and catch a shuttle to my hotel. My buddy Craig was going to be arriving at about 6:30 a.m. Friday morning, rent a car and meet me at the hotel, and then our vacation would begin in earnest. But when all was said and done, I found myself clutching my carry-on and my suitcase in the Orlando airport at 3:45 Friday morning, long after any shuttle had closed for the night. Taxicabs were available, but the 25-mile ride would likely have meant a fare of $60, maybe more. I bit the bullet and decided to just wait three hours at the airport until Craig arrived. I made my way to the lower level of the airport, which was basically deserted, and curled up on the hard floor. I had left my home more than 14 real-world hours earlier, and now it was time to try to sleep. On the plus side, I was a quarter of the way through Fellowship of the Ring. The hobbits had just reached the Old Forest.
1363
1364
1365Bryan's TV Reviews
1366
1367Raw
1368Show opened with a video package highlighting the end of Shawn vs. Flair. The more I watch it, the more perfect it is. This is already the best Raw I've ever seen.
1369
1370Cena came out to open up the show. Or not. His music played, but no Cena. Suddenly, Hunter's music hit. "Well, it is live television," said Ross. Music played for awhile and then died. "Now what?" Lawler asked. WELL, IT IS LIVE TELEVISION! Finally Orton's music hit and out he came. He said all week it wasn't about whether Orton could win or who would beat him. He said nobody ever gave him any credit and now, whether they liked it or not, they had no choice but to show him RESPECT. As a heel pro-wrestling champion, he sure has mine. He said everyone hated hearing the list, but they were going to hear it again: Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, Jeff Hardy, and Triple H and John Cena in a remarkable victory in the main event of WrestleMania. He said Orton and Cena were going to get a rematch, but he felt that was bullshit. He said forget the Attitude Era or anything like that, we were now living in the Era of Orton. Out came JBL. He was appalled that Orton had the guts to come out and brag about his victory. He told him he was lucky, and his entire reign had been "predicated on luck". He said HIS championship reign, the longest in Smackdown history, was all about dominance. "I win my matches decisively!" He said he took the supposed toughest guy in the WWE and beat him in his own Belfast Brawl. "You can't beat me. You will never be able to beat me. I am declaring right now my candidacy as number one contender for the WWE Championship. They say I passed the torch, I WANT MY TORCH BACK!" He left, which caused Orton to flip out and start screaming about how he wanted him back in the ring right now. As he was ranting and raving Matt Hardy hit the ring and speared him, then chased him all over ringside.
1371
1372Cryme Tyme vs. Murdoch & Cade. Yes, Cryme Tyme is not only back, but they're back in the ring with the team that they had issues with which led to them being fired. And they won, with a schoolboy by JTG over Murdoch. Welcome to professional wrestling.
1373
1374They aired clips of Flair's win over Harley Race in 1983. Oh my God we're going to get GREATNESS all night long!.
1375
1376Shawn Michaels arrived, then came out after commercial and cut a promo. Lots of "HBK!" chants. He said he was feeling a lot of emotions right now and none of them were particularly good. He said he was asked to do a job, to be the Showstopper, to be Mr. WrestleMania – then he broke down. "And I don't know how I feel about that." He said he had a job to do last night. Ric Flair asked for his A game and that's what he gave him, because he loved and respected the man too much to give him anything less. He said he had the chance to pull the trigger and he did. "And now the career of the greatest wrestler who ever lived is over. And I'm the man responsible for it." Some boos. He said that was a burden that he got to carry with him the rest of his life. "Lucky me." He walked around a bit, then put the mic down and walked up the ramp. And that was the end of that. Very strange.
1377
1378After commercial, Shawn was pacing around backstage and ran into Regal. Regal said Shawn did what he had to do, and personally he felt like it was something that should have been done a long time ago. Shawn then turned around and there was Batista, just staring at him. SHAWN RETIRED HIS BEST FRIEND. Trouble is brewing.
1379
1380Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. London & Kendrick in a non-title match. Babyfaces didn't even get a ring entrance. Ross said the two of them had worked out their issues and things were good now. You know what that means. Bob and London did a great spot TEASING THE CHOP and then finally delivering. London sold it like he was being shot. They got the heat on him briefly, then Kendrick made a huge comeback. Cody hit the bulldog but London broke it up, then Kendrick pinned Cody with a cradle and bridge. Good stuff. London and Kendrick worked babyface, though also subtly heelish. Interesting at least.
1381
1382MORE FLAIR STUFF! This was his sixth World Title victory over Ricky Steamboat in May 1989.
1383
1384A great video recap of Mania aired.
1385
1386Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk in a non-title match. Dueling chants of "LET'S GO JERICHO" and "CM PUNK!" This was great. The best part was actually the fact that as soon as the fans started chanting Ross and JR just clammed up. They did a weird spot where Jericho went for a springboard and missed, then came up selling his face. Match briefly got very odd. Looked to me like it was one of those matches that is off by design, and not because stuff is getting messed up. Lots of nearfalls and switches at the finish, then Jericho hit the codebreaker out of nowhere for the pin. What a strange fucking thing that was. Punk wins Money in the Bank and then loses clean the next night? Only thing I can imagine is a title vs. briefcase match at the PPV.
1387
1388Next Flair segment was him winning the title in the Royal Rumble. God damn that was awesome.
1389
1390Big Show came out and cut a promo. He had a huge welt made up on his jaw. He said he wanted to congratulate Floyd, his manager, his six bodyguards, his steel chair and his brass knuckles. "Floyd Mayweather, greatest fighter on the planet." He said he wasn't out there to talk Floyd, however, he was there to talk about the Hall of Fame. He said Flair stood there at the podium and said he'd broken in with Andre the Giant and Big Show was the best big man he'd ever been in the ring with. He almost broke down, then said he was making a promise to go back to what he used to be, the most dominant giant around. Cue Great Khali. Oh my. Oh my. Well, we'll see how good a big man worker Show really is. Khali got in his face and said something in Great Khalese, then Show assumed a FIGHTING STANCE. People chanted "SHOW IS GONNA KILL YOU!" That was funny. Khali ended up backing down, which was great. A fine segment.
1391
1392Santino was backstage doing SANTINO SQUATS. Maria walked up. He wanted to know if she had gotten back from the vet. Did you get rabies shot?, he asked, from kissing Snoopy the Doggy Dogg? She wanted to know why Santino wanted a singles match with her. She said she tried to get out of it but Regal said the only way that would happen is if Santino said he didn't want it. He said he did want it because last night he was part of a BunnyMania match when he should have been in the Money in the Bank Royal Battle. Divas had no place in wrestling, he said, they should be at home "making pasta, making babies". He said he needed to release his frustration and would do it in the ring unless she knew another way for him to do so. She slapped him SO FUCKING HARD, and responded with "FINE! HAVE IT YOUR WAY, MARIA!".
1393
1394Randy Orton vs. Matt Hardy. They claim Randy Orton put Matt out of action for four months. I thought it was a burst appendix. Matt beat him all over the place early, sending him into the steps, etc. Orton finally tossed him off the top and got the heat. Lots of Ultimate Fighter commercials during this show, I might add. Hardy made his big comeback and got a nearfall with a backslide that the people bought as a finish. They ended up outside and Matt gave him an AWESOME twist of fate on the floor. He lifted him up and managed to roll Orton into the ring at eight. As he went to lift him up (why would he do that?) Orton hit the RKO out of nowhere for the pin. Orton then jumped up none the worse for wear. Wow, what a way to kill a dude's finisher and bury him upon his return. There's a textbook lesson right there.
1395
1396Dusty Rhodes did a taped promo about Flair. He said he had wined and dined with kings and queens and wrestled Ric Flair, and it was always a monumental occasion. He said that people threw around a lot of words like "legend" and "icon", but "from this day forward, Ric Flair is a national treasure." Then he broke into a huge grin. This was so awesome.
1397
1398JBL met with Orton backstage. He picked up the belt, looked at it, then dropped it back on Orton's lap.
1399
1400Where are Cena and Hunter?.
1401
1402Santino vs. Maria in an Anything Goes Match. So let me get this straight, the booked pro wrestling main event on Ric Flair's retirement Raw was SANTINO VS. MARIA? They went 1 second and then all the Divas hit the ring to beat the shit out of Santino. They spread-eagled him, then Maria dropped a headbutt onto his Johnson and got the pin. Thankfully short. The best part was afterwards as Santino was selling Maria wound up and kicked him as hard as she could right in the ass. That ruled.
1403
1404Show ended with the Flair retirement ceremony. What a wonderful, beautiful thing.
1405
1406
1407BONUS CONTENT
1408
1409ECW TV report by Steven Majka
1410ECW kicks off with the “Don’t Question my Heart” theme. That theme is based on real conversations Big Daddy V has had with his doctors. Joey Styles welcomes us to Fayetteville, North Carolina and thank God I’m there only through the magic of television.
1411
1412The show starts with the largest tag match in ECW history. It’s a 12-on-12 Wrestlemania 24-man over-the-top-rope battle-royal that will take place on the internet and not the main show to you know give Flair more time preview. I will now list all 24 men in this match. In the far corner it’s: Jamie Noble, Val Venis, Jim Duggan, Tommy Dreamer, Bob Holly, Cody Rhodes, Jesse, Festus, Kofi Kingston, Kane, Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang. In the near corner it’s: Matt Striker, Deuce, Domino, Chuck Palumbo, Miz, Great Khali, Brian Kendrick, Mark Henry, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Elijah Burke and Snitsky. Or basically, the faces versus the heels. Rhodes, Holly, Kingston and Kane got their own entrances. Which means they are the stars of the match, I think.
1413
1414The match started with Rhodes and Kendrick. Welcome to Heat. Tazz had a funny line about not even having 12 guys in the old ECW so he’s never seen anything like this before. After some pretty quick chain wrestling for a 24-MAN TAG, Joey reminds us that you need to tag in order to get your partners in to the match. I immediately pictured the opposite and imagined Palumbo and Duggan doing lucha spots. Palumbo gets thrown outside and Yang, Kendrick and Moore, one at a time, do dives on each other. Murdoch then climbs to the top rope and falls ever so gracefully on all the men outside. Then Noble does a dive on Murdoch. You know, original stuff. After a well needed commercial break we come back to Dreamer and Snitsky. The ropes can hold these men no longer! All hell breaks lose and everyone is throwing poor looking punches on the outside, but for some reason Festus stays pacing behind the ropes. Deuce and Domino closeline Dreamer. Kingston hits them with a cross-body block. Burke takes down Kofi. Holly Alabama slams Burke. Some more shit happens. Khali chops Festus. Kane uppercuts Khali, chokeslams Striker, boots Henry and gets a boot from Snitsky. Henry bearhugs Dreamer and Snitsky gives him the boot for the win. All the men then get in the ring and swarm Dreamer’s life-less body to stare at each other.
1415
1416Then we go to a Show/Mayweather video package. Pretty much the same one from the other shows with a bunch of boxing marks giving their say on a fake fight.
1417
1418Commercial for Wrestlemania; 3 DAYS AWAY~! The highlight of this is about five seconds in when Maria does that little breast wiggle.
1419
1420Dreamer and Colin Delaney were backstage discussing when Dreamer was relevant --10 years ago, or something like that, and Chavo Guerrero came over to tease Dreamer like the bully he is. During this argument I fell into a deep sleep of boredom only to be awaken by a pale, white light of charisma that is Colin Delaney. Colin’s goofy look on his face was a hundred times better than whatever the other guys were talking about. Basically, Dreamer wants a match tonight with Chavo, Chavo says non-title, Dreamer says sure, Chavo asks why, Dreamer says a win over the ECW Champion means a lot. (Does it?) Colin tries to make a point, Chavo cuts him off, Dreamer gets mad and reminds us that even though Colin has never won a match he’s already a better worker than Chavo, Chavo finds that offensive and accepts Dreamer’s challenge for tonight. Chavo talks some more shit and Dreamer and Colin go back to discussing how Dreamer had a 1 in 24 chance of being pinned in that tag match and he’s so pathetic that he somehow manages to pull it off.
1421
1422Another Wrestlemaina preview match; Carlito versus Shelton Benjamin. Both men stand and stare at the briefcase above the ring. Some brawling to start the match; flips by both men. I’m not really paying attention. Shelton skins the cat, which will come in handy in a ladder match. Shelton goes for a springboard something, which Carlito reverses into a RKO across the top rope. Pretty cool. Shelton almost gets counted out; Carlito comes over and gives him a DDT on the apron. Joey does that thing where he speaks really soft as if the move was more devastating than it was. Tazz explains how when your body hits the ring.
1423
1424it hurts. Carlito puts on a sleeper after a near fall. Tazz says what we’re all thinking; you can’t use a sleeper at Wrestlemania. He then confuses chess and fencing while commentating professional wrestling. More holds by Carlito. I’m sure this match was better in 2005. Carlito is still on the offensive. Another hold. The people are clapping for Shelton. (I thought he was a heel.) A kick to the back of the head by Shelton, followed by some punches and a backbreaker. Is anybody reading this? Carlito kicks out of the T-bone. Carltio gets a near fall after a swinging neck breaker, and another near fall after a backbreaker. Carlito goes to the top, Shelton leaps up there, hits the Stroke, or whatever that move is called these days, and gets the win. Boring.
1425
1426They air that really good video package of the Triple Threat match at Mania from Monday.
1427
1428Next is a package for the last Hall of Fame inductee, Gordon Solie.
1429
1430Kelly Kelly is backstage fixing her makeup. Stevie Richards comes up to walk with her to the ring for their match. He looks nervous around a girl. Up next is Layla and Mike Knox against Kelly Kelly and Stevie Richards. Oh God. Knox looks homeless. Each one of these jobbers came out to their own ring music. I guess that just means less time for the match. I’m fine with that. Kelly and Layla start it off and they’re not really fucking anything up. Joey says that these girls are improving every week, which I’ve noticed every announcer says about every girl on every brand. Kelly hits the enzuigiri on Layla and gets the hot tag with Richards. The ladies brawl outside and Knox hits the finishing move they give to everyone that doesn’t have a finishing move -- some kind of neckbreaker for the win. He then does “The Knox” which made me laugh out loud. This was not a Wrestlemania preview.
1431
1432Video package of Mayweather talking trash. It was the same one from Raw and it was still good.
1433
1434Main Event time. All the battle royal geeks are at ringside. Chavo comes out without his “Warrior” blanket. After telling Colin about how he broke his back and met his wife in this very company, Dreamer decided to come down to the ring for his match. Festus is doing a nice job staying in character at ringside. Some back and forth action between Dreamer and Chavo. Chavo falls out of the ring and the geeks throw him back in. Dreamer goes for a roll up. Only Duggan is cheering him on. Chavo chokes Dreamer in the comer and puts him in a sleeper. Dreamer reverses it into a bulldog. Dreamer hits the low dropkick while Chavo is in the tree-of-woe. Dreamer goes for a DDT, but Chavo holds the rope. Dreamer hits a neckbreaker and goes up top. Chavo hits the ropes, knocking Dreamer off. Frog Splash and the pin by Chavo. Does Dreamer wear felt pants? All the geeks ambush the ring and beat each other and Chavo up. The show goes off the air.
1435
1436If you have an hour to waste, skip this and watch A.M. Raw at three in the morning. It will be a much better investment of your time.
1437
1438
1439Impact report by Jose Payan
1440The new TNA slogan is CROSS THE LINE. Oh man, the jokes you can make with that. Tonight's episode is “Sting Returns.”.
1441
1442The show opens with Booker T and Robert Roode brawling their way to the ring. Payton Banks and Tracy Brooks jiggle their way to the ring and catfight. Jim Cornette runs in with security to restore order; they fail, epically. Tenay and Don West announce Alex Shelley vs. Johnny Devine in an X-scape (the Cage?) qualifier; Kurt Angle Exhibition Sparing featuring Tyson Tomko and AJ Styles; fans voting for Awesome Kong's opponent; and STING'S MYSTERY ARRIVAL. Cornette announces a “Fans Pick the Stipulation” match between Roode and Booker; the choices are Last Man Standing, I Quit Match, or First Blood Match. Wooo, stipulations!.. TO THE BACK, where AJ Styles is concerned about Karen Angle and whines to Tomko about picking Team 3D. “There're rumors that Sting will be here tonight,” says Styles after the announcers confirmed that Sting will be in the show. Tomko tells him not to worry. Angle interrupts and threatens to beat up Tomko and Styles if they don't “give their all” on the sparing deal later tonight.
1443
1444Johnny Devine (with Team 3D) vs. Alex Shelley in a TNA Lockdown Xscape qualifying match. Devine comes down with camera in a tripod, acknowledging his past with Shelley in Paparazzi Productions. Too bad Mike Tenay only made a passing reference to it, and thus any new viewer (HA!) had no idea of its significance. Why isn't Chris Sabin cornering Alex Shelley? Is there a storyline reason why he’s not there? Too bad the announcers didn’t say the whereabouts of Shelley’s tag partner. The match is interrupted by a Sting teaser (the lights flickered) and Team 3D ran for the hills. Shelley connects with a diving knee off the apron and a tope suicida. TO THE BACK in the womens' lockeroom where the knockouts are screaming at each other. After a commercial break, Shelley makes a comeback and dumps Devine over the top rope. Devine sets up the Devine Intervention with a tripod shot to the head and wins the match. He joins Black Machismo, CURRY MAN~!~!!~~!, and the Guru, with two spots left.
1445
1446“The Courtship of Black Machismo and SoCal Val.” Machismo wants SoCal Val to spot him while he bench presses. Petey Williams does a cameo, mocking how little Machismo is lifting. Sonjay Dutt (do all TNA talent works out in this gym?) shows up and takes Val away while Lethal chokes because he can't lift the barbell. There's your TNA X-Division champion, folks!.
1447
1448Booker T cuts an intense promo on Cornette for interrupting his plans to beat down Roode and pushes for the First Blood stipulation.
1449
1450'Rash tries to interview Team 3D and Johnny Devine, but Brother Ray shoves him away. Ray tells Devine to continue destroying the X-Division. Then why is he competing for the belt? Well, I guess he could stink up the match at the PPV. Brother Ray says that Sting was babied in WCW and while WCW went out of business, Team 3D tore it up in ECW and WWE. This is a pet-peeve of mine with TNA: building storylines around what happened in other promotions. I just don't understand why acknowledge what happened in the competition instead of creating new stories set in the “TNA continuity.” The lights flicker, apparently because Sting has the magical powers to turn the lights on and off really, really fast.
1451
1452And TNA just fucked that Highlander's WWE career by acknowledging his presence in the Impact Zone.
1453
1454Scott Steiner, Petey Williams and Rhaka Khan vs. LAX (Homicide, Hernandez, and Salinas). It irks me to see the Mexican flag prostituted by Salinas. The announcers talk about some initiation deal that Scott Steiner made Petey Williams take involving electrocution. What? It's somewhere in TNAwrestling.com and not in Impact, so it's not like it matters. It does sound like something websites usually charge to view. Homicide randomly gets in the ring to help Hernandez double team Steiner. Do LAX matches feature Rudo Rules? If only this show had Ultimo Guerrero or Perrito Aguayo. More double team on Petey Williams, who crawls out of the ring. Williams attacks Homicide from his back and works over Homicide. Steiners lifts Homicide and hits an over belly-to-belly from the top rope for a nearfall. Williams tags in and eats a "gringo stunner." Steiner cuts off Homicide from making a tag and dumps him out of the ring. Hernandez slingshots onto Steiner and now I wonder why he didn't just interrupted Steiner from dumping Homicide out of the ring. Are LAX rudos, or do they do whatever they want in their matches? Hernandez hits a HYOGE powerbomb on Petey, but Khan breaks up the pin. Salinas tries a rear-naked choke on Khan but slammed into the canvas and fights her out of the ring. Homicide counters a Canadian Destroyer into a T-Bone for the win. Steiner and Khan blindfolding and handcuff Petey as part, according to Tenay, of Petey’s initiation. I fear for Petey Williams' anal virginity.
1455
1456TNA Rough Cut. Kip James and BG James talk about the Feast or Fired match. Kip says that he took exception with being dumped for his partner’s father despite understanding BG’s dream of winning gold with his family, in this case Bullet Bob. Isn’t Kip like a brother to BG? BG says that Kip put his hurt ego before the team. It should be noted that Kip James actually put over the TNA belts as something worth a damn. Interesting segment, but I’m not sure who to cheer.
1457
1458We got some teaser for someone, but there was no audio.
1459
1460In a sit-down interview, Karen Angle tells Mike Tenay that she is grief-stricken for the things that Kurt Angle made her do to innocent people. She couldn't take Kurt's bullshit anymore and dumped Kurt to set an example to her children (who Kurt no longer showed affection for since he is obsessed over Samoa Joe) and she knows in her heart that she made the right decision. Is she turning face? Karen confirms that she is now seeing someone close to Kurt (AJ, but who knows since TNA loves swerves). Wait a minute. If she's selflessly doing this to benefit her children, then how is dating someone days after leaving her husband healthy for her kids? Wouldn’t it scar them? GAH. Logic holes! I guess they can solve this if they say that the kids are happier around her boyfriend that with Kurt. Too bad they didn't just say that in this segment.
1461
1462We get a video of Samoa Joe training MMA. He says it's not about money (THEN WHY DID HE SPENT ALL THAT TIME RENEGOTIATING HIS CONTRACT FOR MORE MONEY??!?!) but about taking away the thing Angle holds dearest. "Irish Hand Grenade" Marcus Davis (~!) puts over Joe’s agility, power, and moves, and compares him to a wild animal. Joe says that he’ll finally get Kurt alone inside the cage and affirms that Kurt won’t get out of Lockdown alive.
1463
1464Samoa Joe is "live from Big Bear, California" and says that he'll take out Angle at Lockdown. He rebuffs his three losses to Angle, and says that the people want a champion with honor, respect, pride, and who wasn’t awarded the title. Was Angle awarded the TNA title? I don't ever remember. Joe regrets putting his career on the line, but he's not worth being a wrestler if he can’t be the best. He declares that he'll become the new TNA champion at Lockdown. Good delivery by Joe, despite some quirky dialogue.
1465
1466Frank Trigg joins the commentary team for the Kurt Angle sparring session. Tenay puts over Trigg’s accomplishments in MMA. Tomko starts and gets busted open on the top of the right eye. After a minute is up, AJ gets in, looking like a high school dork, and does nothing but run away from Kurt. Has AJ trained with Eddy Sanchez? The one minute is up and Tomko is back in. Tomko is dominant over Angle until he gets "caught" by an ankle lock; he doesn't tap, though, and the sparring round ends. They shake hands. AJ Is back in and Angle gets a guillotine choke; AJ squirms out of it. Angle gets another just before the minute ends. Angle is "frustrated" with AJ and, of course, they fight until they’re separated by Tomko. Interesting, different stuff, but I don't see how anyone who sees MMA would care for this. At least Tomko and Angle look like badasses, though. Frank Trigg did a good job explaining the sparring session. Christian Cage, Kevin Nash, and Rhino come out to the entrance ramp. Cage calls the sparing a joke compared to Joe's training, calls on Angle’s manipulation of Tomko and AJ and making a joke of himself. They offer to give Angle a real sparring session, and they make their way to the ring. Angle runs away, and the three babyfaces beat up the two heels. Team 3D "make the save" and beat up Cage, Nash, and Rhino. Tomko and AJ slide a table into the ring, but Sting makes the save (via BLACKOUT) just before they put Cage through it. Sting destroys the EVIL TABLE (symbolism!). Sting grabs a mic and tells Team Tomko to fight tonight. Apparently it's a go. They're giving away the match unnanounced.
1467
1468'Rash announces to Bobby Roode that he'll fight Booker T in a First Blood Match. Roode professes that Booker's worst nightmare will come true in Lockdown when he'll be with Sharmell inside the steel cage.
1469
1470Robert Roode vs. Booker T in a First Blood Match. Robert Roode doesn't waste any time and goes after Booker. Tenay confirms Team Tomko vs. Team Cage as the main event. Roode bulldogs Booker T into the apron. Back in the ring, Roode drop toe holds Booker into a chair. He tries to whip Booker into a chair wedged between the top and middle rope, but Booker counted. Booker misses a Van Damninator and gets clonked in the head by the chair. No blood. Roode misses a chairshot, it bounces off the rope, and he hit himself in the head. Booker T clotheslines Roode out of the ring. Booker T catapults Roode into a ring post to bust Roode open for the win. Booker punches Roode’s wound for good measure.
1471
1472TO THE BACK with Krystal interviewing Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong. Saeed reads a statement made by Kong: it doesn't matter who the fans choose because she'll defeat and destroy whoever the fans vote for. She'll show why she's the champion. 'Rash announces that the fans vote ODB over Gail Kim. Kim is graceful in defeat.
1473
1474ODB vs. Awesome Kong (with Raisha Saeed) for the TNA Knockouts title. ODB fails to bodyslam Kong and she’s squashed in a nearfall. Kong dominates ODB until she misses a splash. ODB makes her comeback. She drinks some liquid courage hits the Thesz Press off the ropes for a near fall. A faceplant for gives her another nearfall. Kong gets to her feet and hits the spinning back fist/ Awesome Bomb combo for the win.
1475
1476Backstage, the dumb blond announcer tells Team Cage that she "has a feeling that we'll get a little preview of what's going to happen in Lockdown." Really? Cage puts over Nash (the best politician in wrestling), Rhino (his friend for 10 years), and Sting (the coup de grâce of his team). Cage says that he's trying to change to make up for his mistakes, but one thing that won't is that he's the best, just like Team Cage. Good promo, nitpicking aside.
1477
1478Team Tonko (Tyson Tomko, AJ Styles and his dorky crown, and Team 3D) vs. Team Cage (Christian Cage, Sting, Kevin Nash, and Rhino). Christian Cage and AJ Styles start things up. Some fast back and forth action until Christian gets a nearfall with a corkscrew elbow off the corner. AJ tags in Tomko in. Tomko softens Christian until Nash is tagged in. Tomko punches Nash in the corner, but Nash hits a sideslam for a nearfall. Nash tags in Rhino; Tomko, Brother Ray. The heels get the heat on Rhino. We Want Sting," chants the fans. Devon, the legal man, gets another nearfall. Ray tags in with a big fat splash off the middle rope. Team Tomko is still taking the heat until Rhino dodges a splash by Devon and clotheslines Ray. Sting tags in and cleans house. He Stinger splashes Devon, Tomko, and Team 3D in the corner. He counters a splash from AJ into a reverse atomic drop. Brother Ray stops Sting from applying the Scorpion Death Lock and everything breaks down. It’s time for everyone to hit their finishers or signature moves until Sting press slammed on AJ out of the ring and into Tomko. Rhino GORES Ray as Sting tapped Devon out with the Scorpion Death Lock. Team Cage stand victorious until the returning James Strom broke a beer bottle on Sting's head. Team Tomko beats up Team Cage and they stand now they stand victorious. We get the "dramatic" scene of a fallen Sting with James Storm standing over him.
1479
1480The show finished strong with some good wrestling. The first hour had TNA’s usual ineptness – the storylines and their logic holes – but it was overshadowed by the solid action in the second hour. The MMA influence of the Joe/Angle feels like a step in the right direction, rebuilding Joe and Angle as badass fighters. The question is, can the fans that have given up on TNA forget the past year’s booking of Joe and Angle and give them another chance?
1481
1482
1483Smackdown (3/28/08) by Stewart Allen
1484So, here it is – the go home for the biggest show of the year, and they start with an over-the-top-rope preview for the ECW Battle Royal that has been shunted from the PPV to the pre-show. THEY’VE ONLY GOT FOUR HOURS. Kane vs The Great Khali vs Chuck Palumbo vs Mark Henry. This is damn near a Monster Mash rematch. God help me for asking, but where’s Big Daddy V when you need him? Also, given the choice, I would also rather have had the Vincent Price impersonator on commentary than Chavo Guerrero who claims he’s been preparing for this moment his whole life. Palumbo goes quickly at the hands of Kane, who himself gets dumped in impressive fashion by Mark Henry, who just lifts him up, walks to the ropes and casually drops him. Moments later, he does the exact same thing to Khali. Again, that’s quite impressive. Match was horrific, mind you. Chavo runs in to try and weaken Henry and is about as ineffectual as you might imagine.
1485
1486Backstage, the Divas who are left in the “Winner Gets a Motorcycle” competition are assembled with Teddy Long. For the record, the three remaining divas are Michelle McCool, Eve Torres and, seriously, Cherry. I don’t mind Cherry in the slightest, but the concept that people are voting her over the infinitely hotter Maryse and the infinitely more entertaining Victoria blows my tiny mind. Of course, I may be the only person in the world who cares. Time to eliminate one more, and they do a cute little moment when everybody looks around mystified when a phantom drumroll sounds. This week, Eve gets cut, meaning the final vote is Michelle vs Cherry. Actually, I’ll totally concede that I’d vote for Cherry over the cardboard Eve. Nevertheless, Victoria & Maryse arrive to mock Eve, leading to Teddy Long suggesting that they deal with their differences in the ring in a Wet n Wild water fight.
1487
1488CM Punk vs John Morrison. This is a Money In The Bank preview match, and one that might actually be pretty great. These two had a few good matches over the ECW Title last summer. I have a lot of time for Morrison, who seems intent on adding whacky awesomeness to every match. Case in point, his inverted enzuigiri in the opening portion of this match or his great legsweep to Punk on the apron. The match plugged along nicely, until it suddenly picked up when they started lacing each other with middle kicks. Punk delivered a low dropkick into Morrison’s face, hit a tope to the outside and got a near fall off a twisting powerslam, and Morrison came back with a whacky combination backbreaker/neckbreaker. Not to be outdone, Punk eventually goes for – and hits – a top rope rana. And I don’t mean one where Morrison was sitting on the top turnbuckle. No siree, Morrison was STANDING on the top turnbuckle at the time. A couple of finisher reversals later, Punk hit the GTS for the three count. This turned out great, and was a step above pretty much all of Punk’s recent million match series with Chavo. Post match, Punk stares rapturously at the WrestleMania sign and the MITB briefcase.
1489
1490More Mayweather/Show build. You know, all the boxing guys who have been interviewed have been entirely believable in the delivery of their comments. There’s realism to what they’re saying, as if they haven’t been clued in that it’s a work. They then show press conference highlights from Times Square, where, funnily enough, the wrestlers sounded way more scripted with their comments. Based on these clips, the star of the press conference was Big Show, who explained that “there’s a reason why nobody’s worried that Big Show is going to get hurt”. Nice line.
1491
1492Back from the break and The Miz is in the ring with Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch for a six man tag. This is MORE BUILD for the webcast match. Whoo~! The opponents are Kofi Kingston, Jesse & Festus. No, really. There’s something I find really objectionable about Festus’ gimmick – and it’s nothing to do with the bell thing. It’s the fact that every week, Michael Cole finds this to be a great source of amusement. Instead of putting over how dangerous Festus becomes, Cole essentially tries to encourage everybody to point and laugh at the retard. I’m assuming that considering Cole apparently has to openly chuckle every week, it’s a directive from on high, but nevertheless, haven’t we established that when someone is constantly portrayed as a source of comedy, it’s nigh on impossible to change people’s perceptions? Heat on Jesse by all three heels. Hot tag to Kingston, who has never heard of decaf.. In fact, Kingston’s offensive flurry also causes Cole to laugh. Give me strength. With the others occupied on the outside, Miz and Kingston are left in the ring, and Kingston hits the spinning Jamaican Buzzsaw kick for the pin over one half of the tag team champs.
1493
1494Batista vs Gene Snitsky. Spear. Spinebuster. Batista Bomb. Goodnight. Epic fail by Snitsky. To underline said failure, Big Dave hits another Batista Bomb on a chair. Goldberg-riffic.
1495
1496Eve comes out in a referee shirt. Despite being the object of Victoria & Michelle’s mockery earlier, she will apparently officiate the battle rather than take part. Ring Announcer Justin Roberts specifically introduces the match as a “WrestleMania Wet n Wild Water fight”, as if that adds more prestige than if it was a ‘regular’ Wet n Wild Water Fight. Victoria arrives in flippers and a snorkel, underlining her inherent comedy greatness. Maryse & Victoria vs Michelle McCool & Cherry. There are buckets of water, water balloons by the dozen and super soakers in the ring. For what it is, the match is actually quite fun. Michelle shows her old dodgeball accuracy, Victoria gets confused over which blonde she’s meant to be throwing water at and takes pratfalls, and Maryse starts randomly posing in an apparent acknowledgement of the inherent absurdity of the match – only to have a bucket of water dumped over her. In fact, Maryse – the prettiest of the five women – gets an absolute drenching. Funny how that happens. Eve’s ability as a referee is comparable to her delivery in an interview segment, but she eventually counts the pinfall after Michelle FLATTENS Victoria with her Angels Wings variation, dubbed The Wings of Love. That move looks like it will kill someone at some point. Cherry spent the whole match staying out of the way of everything.
1497
1498MVP vs Chris Jericho. It’s US Champion vs Intercontinental Champion, and Jericho’s first match on Smackdown in about six years. The two feel like stars, and it feels like it should be a bigger deal than this. Some token matwork to start, and no more than two minutes later they’re hitting moves that are getting two counts. Gah. MVP gets knees up on a Lionsault attempt and gets two off the Yazuka Kick. Jericho tries the Walls, but gets thrown off into the corner, where he eats the running kick to the face for another two count. Playmaker attempt gets reversed into the Walls of Jericho, but MVP makes the ropes. MVP gets his title belt and attempts to waffle Jericho, who delivers a Codebreaker. Jericho brings a ladder in, and takes out MVP with a shot to the head. The action here was good, but it was handicapped by being a short TV match. I’d very much like to see these two have a good singles match on a PPV where they’re given some time.
1499
1500Your main event is Edge mourning the death of Undertaker’s 15-0 WrestleMania streak. You know, for a sport that has been plagued by so many young deaths, the whole funeral angle should really be more distasteful – but it’s not so much the fact that it’s distasteful as it’s just bloody repetitive. We seem to see one of these things every six months. There’s a casket set up in the ring, along with Vickie Guerrero, Teddy Long and a bunch of wreaths. Edge and the Geeks come out, and Edge begins reading from a prepared speech. Anybody who has watched wrestling for more than a cup of coffee knows that Undertaker’s going to be in the casket, he’s going to destroy Hawkins & Ryder and just fail to get his hands on Edge to end the show – but the fun, as they say, is in the journey. Edge and Vickie are a wonderful duo, canoodling at the funeral, before Vickie introduces a video package which portrays Undertaker as a “malevolent juggernaut” and Edge as the hero, concluding that at WrestleMania, “a hero becomes a legend”. Edge & Vickie make out, but are interrupted by Undertaker’s bong. The Geeks run out to the aisle to cut off Undertaker’s entrance. Of course, he’s in the casket the whole time. Surprisingly enough, Edge eats a chokeslam into the casket, and Vickie rises from her wheelchair and runs for the hills. Fraud! Hawkins & Ryder run in to eat Tombstones just long enough for Edge to make good his escape. That was ten minutes of a segment with the end being obvious from moment one, but it was just entertaining enough that you didn’t mind watching it all play out.. That was a fun, if not exactly newsworthy or eventful show. Given that most of the perceived money matches are being hyped on Raw (Flair/Shawn, Orton’s three way, Show/Mayweather), this was mostly the hype job for the mid-card matches, topped off with the one final segment to put over the main event.
1501
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1508~~~~~
1509
1510WHOO!
1511
1512The career of the best in-ring performer in the history of wrestling came to an end on Sunday night when Shawn Michaels, after whispering our headline this week, superkicked Ric Flair and pinned him in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania 24.
1513When I was growing up, there were three pro wrestlers that I wanted to be -- Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair. I had my first matches inside a ring just a few years before Bret retired, so from that point forwards it was largely Shawn and Flair. I have already forgotten where it was, but Shawn did an interview somewhere in the past week where he said that when he was growing up he always wanted to be Flair, and his thought process was, well, if I want to be the best there is then I should emulate the best there is. And as I got going as a wrestler, to me Shawn and Flair were the best there was. I was never even close to being in their league, but I always thought that if I could get in the same, oh, universe than I would have done all right for myself. In fact, this newsletter, which has been my main source of income for all of my adult life, is a tribute to Ric Flair's finishing move.