WsmycfVv

1I remember very clear I cry when I finish volume 3 of Knuth.
2%
3I am work on CSS SQL.
4%
5First sign of depression in devops is denial: you start of ignore Nagios alert.
6%
7In devops language is not success unless is another language++.
8%
9In devops you are addict to graph if first thought after orgasm is send duration and intensity to Graphite.
10%
11If you want take server temperature for send to Graphite I recommend rectal method.
12%
13In lean startup if you have uptime of > 75% you are do it wrong, is sign you pay too much of money for devops.
14%
15Many devops not know what threshold of pain they have because they never try pair programming.
16%
17Due of lack of enthusiasm from user Google is launch Dart++ tomorrow.
18%
19Devops trick question of today is fill in blank: Perl 6, Python 3, PHP 6, ___?
20%
21Devops law of Open Source: 10% of project have docs. Of them 10% have good docs. Of them 10% are useful. Of them 10% are used.
22%
23In devops is not uncommon of see death by a thousand pages of Wiki.
24%
25Source of Google is tell me most critical piece of their infrastructure are Python 2.3 and duct tape.
26%
27Is best not of disturb MySQL while is take dump.
28%
29Devops remember first step in launch startup is have perfect elevator bitch for VC!
30%
31If you are think of use Hadoop on Windows it mean you have not master full power of MS Access yet.
32%
33K&R C is Harley Davidson of devops.
34%
35In startup we eat own dog food. Best is Purina.
36%
37Euphemism for junior devops is "Windows power user".
38%
39In startup we follow Yegge advice of have public API for all internal object. Is for user to mashup our application.
40%
41In devops you are right only 25% of time. For rest you prefer of be wrong or clueless?
42%
43I start believe in AI when it can able rack server at 1 in morning.
44%
45You know you have good devops infrastructure if is take outage of 1 data center and 2 EC2 region for shit to get real.
46%
47For job security in devops make of sure you advocate Continuous Delivery and implement by manual procedure of 45 step!
48%
49Fuckings! I tell Siri deploy Hadoop cluster and she order Oracle Big Data Appliance!
50%
51Piwik, Siri, I say Piwik and not Omniture SiteCatalyst!
52%
53I get of it now! My iPhone 4s is come with Siri Enterprise Edition!
54%
55Behind every Big Data problem is Small Data fuckup.
56%
57I write article on "Anatomy of devops cultural interactions". Only 2 words: Big Dicks.
58%
59Devops remember sign up for next semester online class offer by Stanford on "Programming, Motherfucker"!
60%
61Is easy of have Siri do any thing you want: just use sudo.
62%
63Native devops have 23 different word for deployment.
64%
65Before accept full responsible always try of blame RAID controller.
66%
67SSD is new SAN.
68%
69Devops remember stop sometime for count your blessing! Unless you are Windows admin.
70%
71People are ask me: what is devops? Is scripting and shit.
72%
73I not trust any technology if nobody is tweet about it.
74%
75In startup we have janitor wear CTO hat this week. He is order no bug in code for next 6 day.
76%
77Big Data analyst is pole dancer of devops.
78%
79In lean startup we refactor ruthless by put code on autoshuffle.
80%
81In Kazakhstan we say "Give me of liberty or give me of Java"!
82%
83Source of Google is tell me Android Marshmallow is have emotional intelligence of average Google engineer!
84%
85Source of Google is also tell me Android Pumpkin Pie is have enough AI for create Android Rhubarb Crumble!
86%
87Siri is tell me all hipster are douchebag but not all douchebag are hipster.
88%
89New blog post: "Deploy ALL the things" - [1615]http://goo.gl/JhygD
90%
91I am only reach for Perl if I can not able do it with Apache config directive.
92%
93In startup we are use NoSQL and NoTest.
94%
95In devops is important always have beginner mind. Is why we are use homegrown bash script for everything.
96%
971 TB of Big Data is much more than 1024 GB of small data.
98%
99In junior devops we have 'monkey see, monkey bring down cloud'.
100%
101Devops if you can not able get right woman, try of use better regex!
102%
103Is very easy of get to 80% webscale. Is the next 5 year that is hard.
104%
105Maybe is not work because you are use wrong Unicorn encoding?
106%
107In devops is small difference of bulls eye and bulls shit. Is measured in press releases.
108%
109In devops 'sow wild oats' is when you roll own crypto.
110%
111Give junior devops Perl Camel book and they are never need another language. They are also never learn proper programming.
112%
113If you are not devops you need of choose easy remember password. If you are devops you need of choose easy remember ssh keypair.
114%
115Lisp is first programming language I have learn. Then I discover Visual Basic and never look back.
116%
117Easy thing of Lisp is start with parenthese. Hard thing of Lisp is where of put last parenthese.
118%
119I work on book of 'Not cc all company in email by mistake for dummies'.
120%
121In devops we have 40/30/20/10 Rule. 40% time spend at conference, 30% create todo list, 20% prioritize list, 10% respond to Nagios alert.
122%
123True devops can able teach CS 101 by use simple abacus.
124%
125Manager remember! Tell Windows sysadmin not apply latest patch is same as tell lemming stay away of cliff!
126%
127Top 3 useless thing in devops are Scrum Master certification, security policy document and Python 3.
128%
129In devops threesome is when you are use Perl, Python and Ruby on same project.
130%
131If you are feel good after write script which interact with database, it mean you have less of 5 year experience in devops.
132%
133In startup we are need of fire all unpaid intern. Too much consumption of snack is affect financial.
134%
135Devops Dozen is when you are take 13 day for accomplish thing which can easy able do in 12 hour.
136%
137I never understand expression 'waiting for other shoe to drop' until I roll out application on PaaS.
138%
139In startup we are hire only rockstar, ninja or samurai. Vague familiar with computer is big plus.
140%
141I have witness PostgreSQL hit many of home run. But is just because is MySQL on steroid.
142%
143I want quit Google+ but Siri has just add me to her circle of intelligent robot.
144%
145Goal of devops is do less with more.
146%
147In devops we are always use Chef or Puppet. Is why we are the 1%.
148%
149Practical experience with NoSQL is prompt you to do it or avoid it. No practical experience is prompt you to present of it at conference.
150%
151In devops is not of what you know, is of who is follow you on Twitter.
152%
153Devops in Europe must of be proud of show most expensive haircut ever.
154%
155If you want have your devops get best orgasm make of sure you MapReduce log data then visualize in Graphite.
156%
157New junior devops has doing chaos monkey on 3 Cisco switch in server room today. He is on probation 2 week on Windows Vista.
158%
159I have bad english but maybe native speaker can tell if brogrammer and douchebag is same?
160%
161For Halloween I am dress as LDAP server. I not like talk to anybody.
162%
163Rule of thumb: technology or product name which is start with Open is fail.
164%
165Number one mistake of devops in job interview is speak in JSON.
166%
167In devops is never good time of lose SEO virginity.
168%
169In Kazakhstan we are laugh at short sight of Silicon Valley. We build company for last at least 200 year. Is why we use COBOL on AS/400.
170%
171Devops at Facebook is tell me Google Plus is threaten his job. User abandon G+ for Facebook are almost too much for handle!
172%
173I am very close of release Tcl++.
174%
175Devops remember, Big Data is just Small Data which you let sit for 2 year!
176%
177Is true that everybody in Palo Alto is dress up as VC today?
178%
179Devops remember Y Combinator Halloween party tonight! Theme is "90% of startup are fail but 100% of devops in startup are have no life"!
180%
181True devops never XML, FTP, ORM or RPC.
182%
183I am of happy Halloween is pass. It was hard distinguish costume douchebag from real douchebag.
184%
185I write book 'Kama Sutra for devops'. Is show graphic all possible intercourse of firewall with load balancer.
186%
187For bathroom humor in devops I am recommend read random PHP script.
188%
189Many vendor are offer Hadoop this days. I personal prefer buy from Apache.
190%
191If any of unit test you have is not fit in single tweet, you are do it wrong.
192%
193I am work on dating site for single points of failure.
194%
195Tomorrow we migrate off cloud if weather permit.
196%
197If you have startup name not end in ly you are do it wrong.
198%
199In devops time warp is when full backup is take more of 24 hours.
200%
201Never do today what small shell script can able do tomorrow.
202%
203I can able stand of watch first half only of video 'Two devops and a Cisco PIX'.
204%
205Best program I write in devops career is Perl script which is ask 5 personal question and spit out IT budget for next year.
206%
207"DevOps in the Cloud" is pleonasm.
208%
209Junior devops are in charge of scale up. Senior devops are in charge of scale down.
210%
211If you can not able ship it, next best thing is act as if you have ship it.
212%
213I am close of release pine and elm theme for Gmail.
214%
215Source of Google is tell me they are switch teams around for development of career. Is why Gmail interface is done by Big Table team.
216%
217Infrastructure is only need love from devops. Devops are only need respect from infrastructure.
218%
219Hardest thing in write 'iptables for Dummies' book is call remote hand for reboot machine each of time I run sample script.
220%
221#2 most stress job of devops is Google SRE. #1 is Database Migrator.
222%
223Cloud expert is #1 least stress job of devops. Is only involve tweet.
224%
225I can never able setup site to site VPN unless I am resort to Jedi mindtrick.
226%
227I watch Devops Tales From The Crypt first episode. Is very scary, contain graphic image of debug Apache rewrite rule.
228%
229Juniper is Chaos Monkey for ISP.
230%
231Rackspace are look for guinea pig customer for install private cloud on OpenStack! They not roll out in own cloud yet, is too buggy.
232%
233Sign you are young and still learn in devops is you are not afraid of use -r in rm command.
234%
235You are get shit done? Yes: continue. No: continue of read and reply to tweet.
236%
237In devops third time is usually charm. But first 2 time are epic fail.
238%
239In Scrum is chicken and is pig. In Lean is douche and is bag.
240%
241Is me or is urine smell as bad like Cisco router after night spend at data center?
242%
243Big data analytics is show devops which can not able stand word fuck in presentation are prefer SQL Server.
244%
245In devops you can able be total asshole as long as you are produce beautiful graphs.
246%
247In startup we have 3 position open of devops. Please not bother of apply if you are work for live and not live for work.
248%
249When you are read code you write 6 month ago, is 95% inconceivable.
250%
251With enough eyeball all code is shallow.
252%
253For rank superstar in startup we are use metric: for dev line of code write/hr, for ops line of log inspect/hr, for QA bug find/hr.
254%
255In Lean Startup if you are write more code than janitor you are do it wrong.
256%
257In Lean Startup we are never waste time with documentation. But you are welcome of buy sign copy of our book!
258%
259Is better dev who pretend are ops or ops who pretend are dev? Only way of find out is put all on pager.
260%
261In enterprise you are bitch of hardware vendor. In startup you are bitch of cloud provider API.
262%
263An question: Mark Shuttleworth invent Ubuntu before or after he walk on Moon?
264%
265I can not able present of Big Data in front of audience because I get too much of Big Erection
266%
267When I am depress I start think it can able be worse: some devops are manage Exchange server somewhere.
268%
269Cloud expert try of launch new cloud instance is same as U S and A football announcer try of score touchdown.
270%
271Is possible for devops of walk on hot coal if put mind to it. Is not possible for devops of get app work with SELinux.
272%
273Is all make sense now: source of Canonical is tell me maintainer of AppArmor and designer of Unity are one and same person!
274%
275Karl Marx was much right: Hacker News is opium of devops.
276%
277Friend from Google is tell me they have best food in Googleplex but they not allowed make recipes public.
278%
279Is no such thing as Big Data. Is only data you not sampled sufficient yet so it fit in RAM and it process with SQLite.
280%
281Big advantage of BigQuery after you give all of your data to Google is you are able query it and see ads base on result.
282%
283In startup we have Senior Data Analyst use Hadoop as Viagra so he can able finally fuck with his data.
284%
285Big news! I quit startup! I am tire of do same old shit. I join new startup and am do much new cool shit!
286%
287Is easy get confuse of cloud and Internet. Main difference is Internet never go down.
288%
289Protip for Junior Devops: Ethernet is not same as Internet. Cloud is need both.
290%
291Other main difference of cloud and Internet is half of Internet is have sad face of Wikipedia founder look at you.
292%
293Hipster devops can not able use Hadoop unless is rewrite in Scala.
294%
295You can only able do Agile if you have good Scum Master.
296%
297In startup we are hire devops only if they can able show contribution to 25 project on GitHub and are not possess resume.
298%
299Is better NoSQL than misunderestimated SQL.
300%
301I am never use product with version end in odd number.
302%
303Oh to be of young devops again and to get of excite by boot in single user mode...
304%
305R is bc for hipster.
306%
307Cloud definition: art of fail at scale.
308%
309When benchmark new database technology, make sure not only use own laptop. Be much thorough and also use desktop.
310%
311ETL is other word for when you are use lot of sed and awk in your script.
312%
313Many devops are dick but few are hard.
314%
315We have 3 strike rule for devops: 1 strike we are take away Perl. 2 strike we are take away bash. 3 strike we are give PowerShell.
316%
317In startup we are hire devops only if they can able of solve in interview problem we had for last 3 year.
318%
319Best distributed key/value data store is DNS.
320%
321I am try of teach junior devops how to proper manual testing but they are only go through motions.
322%
323Junior devops are make bad judgment but very fast. Senior devops are make good judgment but too slow.
324%
325Myth of devops #1: plan new feature and release in same month.
326%
327Myth of devops #2: tester catch up with developer in same iteration.
328%
329Myth of devops #3: great success of deploy to production on Friday.
330%
331If you ever express opinion and are not use word 'always' or 'never' you are do it wrong.
332%
333Myth of devops #4: of course we can able scale, we are use cloud!
334%
335Cloud instance is need only for few day but subtle bug in Puppet manifest is live forever.
336%
337You are good devops only if you are spend quantity time with your infrastructure.
338%
339In devops we have Mile High Club of deploy to production from plane.
340%
341In devops ego is direct proportion to number of programming language we know. Salary is inverse proportion.
342%
343I convince famous Kazakhstan film director of buy right to Stevens TCP/IP Illustrated!
344%
345Devops please take moment of consider somewhere somebody is now troubleshoot NIS+ issue on Solaris.
346%
347Is not in production until you are receive critical alert of it.
348%
349You can able tell junior devops by they are finish task 3 to 6 month after deadline. Senior devops are never finish.
350%
351Is good saying 'if you are want thing done, give to person most busy'. Is why in startup we give all new project to janitor.
352%
353Welcome to new public cloud! Come for infinite elastic, stay for data lock in.
354%
355In devops is nothing as risky as a no-brainer.
356%
357I am not use tool which not end in sh, rl, cs or ng.
358%
359In startup for each of bug we have BDFL.
360%
361Is all fun and game until it segfault.
362%
363In devops we not use expression 'shoot yourself in foot'. We use expression 'use NFS in cloud'.
364%
365Number of project you are contribute in GitHub is inverse proportional to number of conference you are attend in year.
366%
367You can able tell expert of software architecture by they are never involve in deploy to production.
368%
369You are true devops if you have wet dream of achieve 100% code coverage.
370%
371If want something done in 10 minute, send to devops email. If want no reply for 10 day, send to sales email.
372%
37310 thing you not know of devops: 1) if we are yell at you is because we are care; 2) we are always count in binary
374%
375Unix devops can able unleash power of bash. Windows devops can only able unleash power of .bat.
376%
377Responsible green devops are always ask of themselves "Is this really good for Internet" before do git push.
378%
379In Kazakhstan we are pepperspray router only if it drop packet.
380%
381In startup we are Thanksgiving for opportunity of learn new skill for use in next startup when first is fail.
382%
383In devops nothing is more pain as when choose between C and A. Is why we pretend P never happen.
384%
385Rule of thumb is less user you have, is faster site with less issue. Aim for 0 user and you are get infinite speed with 0 bug.
386%
387Only thing of compare with write first working Perl script is lose virginity.
388%
389In devops you either are contribute to tool or you are tool.
390%
391In startup we have Siri #1 write code. She is also tell Siri #2 of write automate test. Future is now.
392%
393Lately I suffer of web performance anxiety and kernel panic attack.
394%
395Before start program in Javascript try count to 10. Most time urge is pass.
396%
397I can already able tell 2012 is year of Borland Turbo Cloud.
398%
399Only best manual tester can able watch grass grow.
400%
401In startup we are work on product for Big Metadata.
402%
403In startup for Agile practice we are automate brainstorming with Mechanical Turk.
404%
405In devops if you carry pager every day is Cyber Monday.
406%
407I am almost finish with PhD in timezone math!
408%
409Difference of junior and senior devops is junior devops are imagine they can able master Unicode.
410%
411Single point of failure in private cloud is of usually Unix guy with neckbeard.
412%
413Attention devops: "learn NoSQL" is not same as "learn no SQL"!
414%
415I have never see shit hit fan at data center but I have see shit hit air conditioning unit.
416%
417You can able tell senior devops by they can able shoot themselve in foot in any of programming language.
418%
419Junior devops are always ask me which new technology they need learn. I am always tell them learn of keep disk space available for user.
420%
421If cloud standard committee and security policy have lovechild, it would be name ROT13.
422%
423Study is show private cloud is most of dangerous for data lock-in. After 2 month nobody is remember how get data back.
424%
425I am still have PTSD 20 year after type rm -rf * .o
426%
427I manage of automate everything! Now I am so bored I am volunteer time as desktop support.
428%
429Tell me how many of ls option you are know and I tell you if you are wear sock with sandal.
430%
431Is good of see Yammer team expose truth of Scala is not Turing complete!
432%
433Is matter very little which of JVM language you are use if visitor can only able see on your site "Error when connect to database".
434%
435No, Siri! I say 'we have database is shit' not 'have database shut down'!
436%
437Last night I have nightmare I was BDFL of Apache Flex SDK.
438%
439You can able tell junior devops by they are not protect themselve when they are fuck with database.
440%
441Source of Google is tell me they are donate Google Plus to Apache Foundation.
442%
443Source of Canonical is tell me they project 2012 is year of Ubuntu is become dominant OS on Compaq desktop.
444%
445I run Big Data Analytic on result of Myers-Briggs test for devops. Most common type is Insensitive Jerk.
446%
447Main difference of sysadmin and devops is as sysadmin you are have less chance of get laid.
448%
449I go to devops bar last night and manage of score some tail recursion!
450%
451Devops not forget! Tomorrow you can able read official position of ours startup on Erlang, Haskell, Clojure and Go!
452%
453CouchDB is Ingres of NoSQL.
454%
455If pager is beep at night but nobody is hear, is site still down?
456%
457In startup we are only hire junior devops if they are at least 5 trick pony.
458%
459I start of use ql.io only when is become NoSQL-compliant.
460%
461Devops remember, nobody is say on deathbed they wish they set up more VPN tunnel!
462%
463You are good manager only if you are find Internet Samurai in every of devops you manage.
464%
465If your application is use HTTP and your company is not in cloudscape you need of protest! [1152]http://www.bvp.com/cloud/bvp_cloudscape.html ...
466%
467I get shitface with 2 others devops last night and we manage of establish which is better of Chef and Puppet. Can not able remember.
468%
469For get job in ours startup is not enough sufficient of be rockstar. We are only hire Lady Gaga devops.
470%
471Junior devops can able be passive-aggressive but senior devops are of always aggressive-aggressive.
472%
473Thought leader is same as regular devops but can able talk good BS.
474%
475Source of Microsoft is tell me in next version of Visual Studio you can able press F12 for shut down entire Azure cloud at once.
476%
477Devops if you are feel project is not go anywhere, try of start from scratch but this time with UML.
478%
479Many of devops are now launch cloud instance beyond their means.
480%
481If you are male devops you are of the 99%.
482%
483I read documentation for new REST API and I am confuse. Is only say 'GET SOME'.
484%
485Nobody is of guilty if they are get sick! Is why I am never blame serial startup founder.
486%
487Never believe of devops when they are talk of eternal love. Eternity for devops is 5 year at same company.
488%
489In chinese is crisis=danger+opportunity. In devops crisis=site down+boss is know of it.
490%
491In startup we have infrastructure as code but nobody is able debug it.
492%
493Good sign you are write too much code is you are create new programming language by mistake every day.
494%
495In devops M is for Maven and Masochist.
496%
497You are either have eventual consistency delay today or eventual web site tomorrow.
498%
499In devops we are never do today what we can able blame on cloud issue tomorrow.
500%
501Is call middleware because you can not able make head or tail of it.
502%
503Big Data Analytic is show 90% of startup are fail because they have solution but no problem.
504%
505Financial of company is inverse proportion of number of newsletter it send.
506%
507I have dream last night I manage of disprove CAP theorem. Is involve bash script of 1000 line and lot of duct tape.
508%
509When is come to performance in job, 95% of devops are think they are in 95th percentile.
510%
511Some time is hard of find exact person culprit of bug but is usually member of QA team.
512%
513In startup we are graph so much of shit we can not able tell good shit from bad shit.
514%
515Is no loneliness bigger of talk on IM with guy next of you at work.
516%
517Is time for Douchebag Of Year award for devops but is impossible of choose, too much candidates.
518%
519I hate of burst bubble of Rails programmer and MongoDB devops, but Santa is not exist.
520%
521If you are practice Continuous Deployment but never do Frantic Deployment, you are not experience enough.
522%
523Source of Facebook is tell me they are close of release TurboPHP.
524%
525In startup we are have Small Data but of at least we are have Big Pipe.
526%
527I am prefer honest No from datacenter server than Maybe from cloud VM.
528%
529When junior devops are come to me with problem I am tell them go learn tcpdump and come back in 1 year.
530%
531Is very easy have great success in devops. 1) Get shit done. 2) Make of sure shit work.
532%
533When want get good shit done check of code smell first.
534%
535They are come to me junior devops and they are leave Perl one-liner guru with neckbeard.
536%
537In startup friday is retro day. Dev are allow compile and link code and QA are do manual testing. Ops can able install Gentoo (VM only).
538%
539Small Data in, Garbage out.
540%
541If you are not remove 2 LOC for every of 1 LOC you are write then you are do it wrong.
542%
543If all you are have is hammer, everything is look like shell script.
544%
545You can not able experience true meaning of production bug until you are achieve 100% test coverage.
546%
547Hell is other people which are need help with Outlook.
548%
549Source of HP is tell me you are need of install printer driver before you can able use HP Cloud API.
550%
551Source of Google is tell me most searched phrase is start with 'fucking Google changed my ...'.
552%
553If you want of do Big Data and you not know good math all you can able achieve is Medium Data.
554%
555You can able tell senior devops by they are go batshit crazy at least of once per day.
556%
557Is not about backup, is about restore.
558%
559In devops if shit is worth of doing, shit is hard.
560%
561You can able tell junior devops by they are excite database is fit in RAM.
562%
563Source of MySQL is tell me they are rebrand in 2012 as Oracle Me.
564%
565When recruiter is call I tell follow me on Twitter then DM me. Is never fail.
566%
5672012 is year of private cloud, Linux desktop and establish which of emacs and vi is better.
568%
569Guess company which is get buy in 2012 by one of other company in this list: Oracle, eBay, Google, Salesforce.
570%
571Devops remember if get fortune cookie, add 'in cloud' when read.
572%
573Dummies are people which are think they are smarter as people which are read 'For Dummies' book.
574%
575Very disappoint in new generation of devops. 90% of letter to Santa are contain malform XML!
576%
5775 essential tool you are need in devops: Perl.
578%
579When have doubt, delegate.
580%
581When devops are fall in love, they are promise each other C and A with no P.
582%
583Womans devops: best gift for your man devops is tell him GitHub would not be same without him!
584%
585Mens devops: best gift for your woman devops is tell her you are love her as much as your favorite editor!
586%
587Hipster devops are never use Python because is lack blocks.
588%
589Big Data Analytic is show 60% of email is spam and 20% can ignore. Other 20% is Nagios alert.
590%
591Big Data is in eye of beholder.
592%
593In devops we are call bash script of more of 50 line of code "slippery slope".
594%
595I am only visit site which are look good in VT100.
596%
597If run command over ssh in for loop of 100 machine is wrong, I not want of be right.
598%
599Next big project I have for year 2012 is rewrite Apache httpd in node.js.
600%
60180% of issue in devops today is because people have not study Knuth of properly.
602%
603We have new startup is name Shitly. Mission is we are show you how we are use shit technology so you can able avoid it.
604%
605I just find out in Chinese calendar is 2012 Year of Troll.
606%
607Secret of success is hire people which are more smartass than you.
608%
609Word of encourage to node.js programmer: not pay attention to negative comment! In beginning people were think PHP was shit technology too!
610%
611Was very busy with Amazon Elastic Rolling Reboot.
612%
613@jaredfolkins too many of character for type. Try of 'top'.
614%
615I am almost finish with book 'Making sure server comes up after reboot for Dummies'.
616%
617Devops prediction for year 2012: Cloud, NoSQL and Big Data are final get press they are deserve.
618%
619In devops profession you can able be old but still hotshot.
620%
62199% of problem in devops can able be solve with just of Turbo C.
622%
62390% of Windows devops are suffer of root envy.
624%
625All devops are have hidden superpower. Is why I not believe in CAP theorem.
626%
627I have resolution for 2012 of not learn javascript.
628%
629I have resolution for 2012 of learn new language every of month for never use in production.
630%
631Have title of devops is not bring more of money but is help of get laid.
632%
633I take half bake shell script from yesterday over fully cook README file from last year.
634%
635Highest quality of software is one which is never ship.
636%
637In startup we are not hire devops which never lost data by stupid of mistake.
638%
639In startup we have conclusion of best way for prioritize backlog is Twitter sentiment analysis.
640%
641Every technology is evolve until is become acronym.
642%
643In startup we manage of hire node.js ninja. Primary responsibility is follow up on comment on Hacker News.
644%
645Vera of QA is tell me she start date devops but is not look good long-term because he have git commitment issue.
646%
647All OS are evolve until they are support dtrace.
648%
649In startup we are play hard but then we are also play hard.
650%
651In devops record of wiki still usable is 43 day.
652%
6532011 Community of Year award is go to CouchDB.
654%
655Big Data Analytic is show every 36 hour is one technology jump shark.
656%
657You have devops is suffer of apathy? Get his ass on pager.
658%
659In startup we are automate everything long ago but nobody is remember why.
660%
661Cloud is past infancy but most cloud expert are stuck there.
662%
663All success project have ratio of 4 NO to 1 YES.
664%
665Be automate and wrong or be manual and right?
666%
667Sufficient advance devops is indistinguish from lazy fucker.
668%
669In startup we have rule only do business with vendor which is reply to email in less of 30 minute.
670%
671In devops you can not able fake it unless you are at CTO or above.
672%
673If you are not use cloud yet you are miss out on push limit of human stupidity.
674%
675Personal record is 8 LOC with not syntax error or spell mistake.
676%
677I full support decision of Jerry Yang for go dark against SOPA!
678%
679Most devops are not realize but every of 1 hour spend by code is 1 hour less spend on HN.
680%
681Is not metaprogramming if you are still understand it after 2 week.
682%
683Is not true agile if is not teach by expensive consultant.
684%
685If you have impression StopSOPA was of difficulty, try StopTDD!
686%
687Best analogy I find so far for explain concept of ScrumMaster to new devops is Tooth Fairy.
688%
689Devops remember cloud is only means to end. End is cloud vendor get rich.
690%
691Not 2 devops are alike. Is why each is reinvent wheel.
692%
693Source of Amazon is tell me they soon have next big announce of Elastic Kanban.
694%
695First step of deal with database issue is apply KISSD principle.
696%
697Nothing is give false sense of security like great success of load test in stage.
698%
699Is not in production until is fail hard in 2 different way.
700%
701Law of Devops #1: if is too easy now, is always come back bite you later.
702%
703Law of Devops #2: in 90% of case, scalability is not mean what you are think is mean.
704%
705Law of Devops #3: success is 80% perception, 15% luck and 5% transpiration.
706%
707Node summit participant please considering attend event next week DoucheCamp in Almaty Kazakhstan!
708%
709Reason few devops are progress to CTO is they are too of technical for own good.
710%
711Decent devops are borrow code. Good devops are steal code. Best devops are never use own code.
712%
713If you are ever need of ask for permission you are not true devops.
714%
715In devops we are spend 1 hour on Twitter for each of 1 sec of make test suite faster.
716%
717Agile devops can not able afford have bug in code. Is why we test own code and not need QA.
718%
719Walk before run. C before C++ before Java before Scala.
720%
721Is seem easy but we are know devops life is NP-Hard.
722%
723In lean startup is CEO need of be specialist in Photoshop and Cloud.
724%
725If RabbitMQ is answer, you are ask wrong question.
726%
727Optimist is devops who is ignore first 2 Nagios alert.
728%
729Infinite scalability is always give you 50% less than what you are expect.
730%
731You not really know what data lockin is until you are hire professional Oracle DBA.
732%
733On top 10 list of way for startup to fail is technology choice #11.
734%
735Cloud expert are only 1% of devops ! Rest of 99% are actual know how use rsync.
736%
737In startup we have NoOps. All sysadmin request are go direct to CEO.
738%
739Friend hipster is tell me Java is new Scala.
740%
741Single Sign-On is always come in three.
742%
743JavaScript is only interest me because is about Java and scripting.
744%
745If you are expert of BASIC or Clojure is make little of difference to hot womans.
746%
747Before every of bug is always shrug.
748%
749I never meet developer which not write bug-free code.
750%
751Cloud is when virtual machine is operate on virtual data.
752%
753I not find problem yet which can not able be solve by press release.
754%
755You are not true Agile if you know what you are talk about more of 55% of time.
756%
757Devops make of sure you not call TDD practitioner "coder'! Proper term is "failing test fixer".
758%
759I am only lose hope when developer is tell me "I get it done soon".
760%
761Thin line between annoy and despair is between 2 and 5 nagios alert of night.
762%
763I am only mark email important if I receive same of message 6 time in 2 week from 3 different person.
764%
765I am ready for startup, I look for minimal viable cofounder.
766%
767Clojure is useful for programmer who are come to Java from Java.
768%
769Devops for Valentine Day forget of chocolate kiss and give each of other gift of unit test!
770%
771In devops we are follow 80/20 rule: we are automate 80% and we are leave hard 20% manual for job security.
772%
773In startup we are measure many thing but only one is matter: tweet/hour.
774%
775In startup we have first fireable offense is dependency injection.
776%
777You are not true Microsoft shop if you are not practice Powerpoint Driven Development.
778%
779VC are demand increase income for startup so we are build paywall between dev and ops.
780%
781I am only accept job offer from startup which is in business for 8 year.
782%
783Is great job security for sysadmin. Server is not go configure itself!
784%
785Big Data Analytic is show best ingredient for success of pair programming is Chanel No. 5.
786%
787In startup we are spend 10 hour of every single day on automate everything.
788%
789Very excite of work at startup with big idea for monetize HTTP.
790%
791In startup after too much Nagios critical alert we are always perform 5 Why. Each of time we are find interesting way of destroy pager!
792%
793Rule of thumb in devops is if task is not get done in 3 month then is never get done.
794%
795In devops we are never panic as much as when we are push out of quadrant 3 [814]http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FourQuadrants ...
796%
797For understand recursion, answer "Who is monitor your monitor server?"
798%
799Is turn out 99% of dev are NoOps and are not even know it!
800%
801In startup we are fire QA if they are ever find more of 3 critical bug per release.
802%
803In startup we are look for CEO which not succeed but fail exact 2 other startup. Third time is charm.
804%
805I am tune out at word 'vendor'.
806%
807Every piece of software is not finish evolve until is become dinosaur.
808%
809Best bug report are passive-aggressive.
810%
811Many devops are seduce and abandon by cloud but nobody is regret it.
812%
813I am never feed server again once I deploy.
814%
815If you have Big Data process is involve grep, you are do it wrong.
816%
817In devops we are communicate with coworker only by JIRA ticket.
818%
819In cloud you need of launch 100 instance/day and terminate 99 instance/day just for stay in game.
820%
821In devops many time we not see tree for root.
822%
823For avoid Azure cloud outage scenario in startup we are only hire devops born on 29 of february [782]http://blogs.msdn.com/b/windowsazure/archive/2012/03/01/windows-azure-service-disruption-update.aspx ...
824%
825In devops we are always get shit done. Only problem is most of it is shit.
826%
827For junior devops I recommend of start with Low Availability first.
828%
829In devops equivalent of wet dream is run benchmark of web server with not network traffic on localhost.
830%
831Is ridicule when company have wall between dev and ops. In startup we are use NDA instead.
832%
833I have good gene. Father was ALGOL hipster in 1958.
834%
835Once you are try Big Data you can not able go back.
836%
837Internet would be safer place if brogrammer use strncpy.
838%
839I write all infrastrucure diagram on paper because everything is look good on paper.
840%
841In security startup we are heavy use of RoR as honeypot.
842%
843Is time for abandon startup when CEO is start of learn Clojure.
844%
845If is take you less of 10 year to master something you are do it wrong.
846%
847If you are still fascinate by NoSQL in 2012 you must of be brogrammer.
848%
849In devops is always get worse before is get worse.
850%
851In devops 1% know they are know, 9% know they are not know, 20% not know they are know and 70% not know they are not know.
852%
853If you not direct all user from regular site to mobile site you are do it wrong.
854%
85580% of devops need of exercise more, are out of breath after one deploy.
856%
857In startup we are only hire devops which have never hear of Twitter and irc.
858%
859Devops remember nobody got fire for buy Open Source software.
860%
861In startup we are only hire Windows devops if they prove they can able format C drive under 50 second.
862%
863Behind every of great devops is great 100 line bash script.
864%
865In devops you can able choose of have sinking feeling in stomach before, during or after deploy to production.
866%
867Life of devops in 6 word: "I thought it was staging database"
868%
869Slashdot is Reddit for hipster.
870%
871In devops we can not able read any documentation longer of 140 characters.
872%
873In startup we have manager always start day by praise 4 devops and criticize 1 devops of random.
874%
875In devops any of fool can able come up with funny absurd thing. Is take senior devops for actual deploy it.
876%
877In devops we are have few of aha moment but lot of WTF moment.
878%
879Sign economy is bad is when devops are start of advertise they are document code for food.
880%
881If you not have disaster recovery strategy for your disaster recovery procedure you are do it wrong.
882%
883In startup we are try of hire devops with no idea but is very hard, they all are apply to Y Combinator!
884%
885Is all fun and game until you can not able ping it.
886%
887In startup we have NoOps and NoIdea.
888%
889Source of Amazon is tell me best monitoring strategy is watch Netflix. If is up, they can able blame customer. If is down, they are fuck.
890%
891Almost finish new command line utility 'gtfo' for roll out cloud instance quick.
892%
893In devops we are always give 100%. Most common way is of bring 5 task to 20% each.
894%
895If you hear devops is mutter "Shit got real" is probably Unicode error.
896%
897You are not true devops unless you are practice 'cron and forget'.
898%
899I like NoOps very much. Is not possible of assign blame when server is go down!
900%
901In startup we have all new devops deploy in Visio on day one!
902%
903Big Data Analytic is show 95% of devops are engineer and 65% have college degree!
904%
905Law of entropy for documentation: after 60 day, each piece of documentation is either invalid or can not able be found.
906%
907If you are not wake up of Nagios minimum 2 time per week, your technology is not sufficient cutting-edge.
908%
909In devops we are always have quiet celebration when server is come back up after reboot.
910%
911Almost finish with book "'Why you need of port shell script more of 100 line to Perl right now! for Dummies".
912%
913Big Data is hard because you are never sure which Hadoop you are need of use.
914%
915Dirty secret of NoOps is they are keep 3 fuckin sysadmin on call at all time!
916%
917Top 5 quality of devops: 1) vast 2) experience 3) with 4) all 5) nighter
918%
919Is very easy for devops for be most popular in company. Always say 'let me drop of everything I do and help you!'.
920%
921Number of cloud instance launch by ops team is direct proportional with LOC write by dev team.
922%
923Each of meeting of 15 minute is push delivery date by 15 day.
924%
925In agile startup we are current experiment with one night standup.
926%
927In devops we have success is 10% inspiration and 90% Not Invented Here.
928%
929In startup we are allow all employee for use 20% time on personal project but only in weekend.
930%
931Goal of sysadmin is replace itself with small shell script. Goal of devops is replace itself with small REST API.
932%
933In devops we are celebrate April Fool Day today is also know as Windows Sysadmin Day.
934%
935In NoOps team in startup we are hire NoOp engineer! Computer science study is minus.
936%
937Please of only apply for NoOps position in startup if you have in-deep skill of NoHardware and NoOS.
938%
939In devops we are never assign blame, we are just try of find out how the fuck it happen.
940%
941Quality is enemy of better quality. Is why we are never get shit done.
942%
943After 3 beer I can able use any of cloud API.
944%
945Definition of 'ignore': message of critical notification which is skip inbox and go direct to gmail filter.
946%
947Honeymoon with any of new technology is 1 week. After 7 month is itch.
948%
949Is all fun and game until you are need of put it in production.
950%
951You can only able call yourself senior programmer if you are spend more minute in meeting as in write code.
952%
953Survey is show junior devops are still believe in Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and documentation.
954%
955In devops we are all fan which is wait for shit to hit.
956%
9575% of devops are have infrastructure as code. Rest of 95% are have infrastructure as PowerPoint.
958%
959Survey is show 90% of devops are spend first year of all new job by rewrite 90% of code of predecessor.
960%
961In devops intuition is very small voice in head which is say not of run rm -rf /
962%
963If you can not able express it in 20 line of code, is better of not express it.
964%
965In startup we are practice threesome programming.
966%
967In devops is intensity of opinion at technology as inverse proportion with experience at same technology.
968%
969I am almost finish with book "Rewrite from scratch instead of refactor for Dummies".
970%
971Source of Google is tell me they are soon launch new API is return 10 strongest password store on Google Drive.
972%
973In startup we are practice Continuous Delivery follow immediate by Continuous Revert To Old Code.
974%
975In startup we are only check in line of code that is get at least 10 RT.
976%
977In startup we are have strict policy of 3 thousand fail unit test and you are out.
978%
979In startup is make or break time when CEO is want of install Big Data on laptop.
980%
981I never see Big Data solution which is not involve sed.
982%
983In startup we are not allow dev team for talk to ops team except by API.
984%
985Good thing is on Internet nobody know you are devops ninja.
986%
987In devops is 9 of 10 problem relate to storage.
988%
98990% of Big Data of any engineer is in actual small.
990%
991In startup we have good velocity base on 2 week Waterfall sprint.
992%
993In startup we are very busy of explain why we are need Hadoop so we not have time for use Hadoop.
994%
995In startup we have tenure for all devops is exact 1 year. They have choice of automate themself out of job or get fire.
996%
997You know open source product is impossible of use when creator is start consultancy around it.
998%
999In devops we can only able get shit done if we are move 95% of task to NOTTODO list.
1000%
1001If boss is understand task you are working on, you are do DevOps wrong.
1002%
1003DevOps remember! For pickup hot date at bar is sufficient of speak JSON.
1004%
1005In startup we are only accept git push request.
1006%
1007Famous last word in devops: RTFM.
1008%
1009Main difference of dev and ops is ops are debug exclusive by use print to stdout.
1010%
1011Big Data Analytic is show 80% of devops are on probation for technical debt.
1012%
101348% of devops are automate their test. 12% are test their automation. 3% are do both.
1014%
1015First step for avoid DoS attack is block 127.0.0.1.
1016%
1017You can able tell junior devops by they are still not learn of manual change on server is overwrite in next 15 minute by Puppet.
1018%
1019We have lawsuit of 2 big ISP in Kazakhstan and judge is learn how easy is of deploy private cloud on laptop with Vagrant!
1020%
1021Every thing is 10x in cloud. Especially I/O latency.
1022%
102380% of initiative which are include 1 step forward are also include 2 step back.
1024%
102530% of every thing in devops is fucking lie.
1026%
1027In devops are 80% talk the talk, 15% talk the walk and 5% walk the walk.
1028%
1029If use Linux VM in Microsoft Azure cloud please of read small print first! You are oblige of patch and reboot every of Tuesday!
1030%
1031Any sufficient large quantity of data is indistinguish from Big Data.
1032%
103380% of devops are blow own horn. Only 10% of they are also monitor it.
1034%
1035Junior devops is when you are not yet know of all road is lead to Nagios.
1036%
1037Fundamental law of devops: after enough of time all storage system is become too small or too slow.
1038%
1039In devops you are either with us or you are use Windows.
1040%
1041Is shock when you are discover most of senior devops are bots.
1042%
1043Pure luck is play 40% role in any of continuous delivery process.
1044%
1045If you are devops struggle with Chef is help of think it as Puppet++.
1046%
10471 million monkey hit random key for 1 million year can able generate Hamlet but not internal Wiki documentation.
1048%
1049June is Month of Awareness for Backup. For celebrate I am recommend restore.
1050%
1051In devops are 10% get shit done. Rest are get bullshit done.
1052%
1053Main difference of junior and senior devops is 4 programming language.
1054%
1055For every minute you are spend install package from source your life is get short by 2 minute.
1056%
1057Big Data Analytic is show most request feature in cloud is Ctrl-Z.
1058%
1059Big Data Analytic is show 90% of devops which are use word 'benchmark' in sentence are also use word 'laptop' in same sentence.
1060%
1061In cloud nothing is real.
1062%
1063Oracle Cloud is combine best of both world: cheap of Oracle Enterprise DB and simple of J2EE.
1064%
1065In next of 2 year most common cloud rollout strategy is 'PaaS and Pray'.
1066%
1067In startup we are use new technique call 5 Why Not Me for show how nobody is of blame for outage.
1068%
1069Big Data Analytic is show devops are spend 12.5% of life in type 'ls- la'.
1070%
1071In devops word for crap is 'alpha'.
1072%
1073You are not senior devops if you have never write direct to socket in your life.
1074%
1075You can not able be PaaS expert if you ever run ./configure; make; make install.
1076%
1077If you can not able do it from command line, is not worth do it.
1078%
1079If is worth make infrastructure scalable, is worth make it infinite scalable.
1080%
1081Road to devops hell is pave with good intention of vendor.
1082%
1083For devops TODO list I recommend use hash table.
1084%
1085In startup we are apply Etsy model of new hire engineer is allow of bring site down on first day.
1086%
1087You can able tell junior devops by they have never type telnet:// in browser for access of remote host.
1088%
1089Are 3 thing impossible in devops 1) Not Nagios alert for 1 day 2) Easy fast autoscale database 3) Develop all feature request by product
1090%
1091In startup we are practice NoOps, NoSQL and NoScrum.
1092%
1093In startup we are only hire devops with Alma Mater of Udacity or Coursera.
1094%
1095Main advantage of Google Compute Engine over EC2 is instance can able fail twice as fast.
1096%
1097Every of devops team is have at least 3 shell script which is critical and is not in source control or backup.
1098%
1099Almost finish article for GigaOM on 'Analyze yours Big Data with Hadoop in 760 easy step'.
1100%
1101Beautiful code is never work in production.
1102%
1103If is too good for be true is mean is only ever deploy in staging not production.
1104%
1105In startup we are only hire cofounder and above.
1106%
1107Source of GitHub is tell me they have next step of acquire Facebook.
1108%
1109For understand devops terminology you need of replace 'continuous' with 'half ass automated'.
1110%
1111Hello World in cloud is involve 1 load balancer, 3 web server and 2 database server.
1112%
1113In startup we are always maintain N+1 redundancy for shell scripts.
1114%
1115In startup we are only use cloud which is hybrid, agile and open.
1116%
1117In devops 80% of battle is know which is cause and which is effect.
1118%
1119If programmer is tell you task is next on todo list, is mean next year.
1120%
1121Source of Google is tell me next version of Android is optimize for Hadoop.
1122%
1123Cloud virgin is when you are think NFS in cloud is next best of thing after EBS.
1124%
1125In startup we are only use technology which is have For Dummies book.
1126%
1127In startup most of time spend by devops team is teach team of Data Scientist use find and grep.
1128%
1129Source of CERN is tell me next monumental task for them is find trace of Linux on desktop.
1130%
1131Bad code is become liability after 6 month. Good code after 36 month.
1132%
1133If you are think Perl is impossible for answer, you are ask wrong question.
1134%
1135In startup we are only hire entrepreneur type which mean everything is rewrite from scratch every 2 year.
1136%
1137In devops term for 'something we are not understand' is 'machinery'.
1138%
1139At conference you can able tell cloud devops by they are always leave dinner for respond to pager.
1140%
1141Source of Yahoo is tell me first product launch of Marissa Mayer is Yahoo Plus.
1142%
1143Devops STD is get by call wrong API.
1144%
1145Senior devops are have own Wikipedia page. Junior devops are have own Wiki page.
1146%
1147Difference of dev and ops in 2012 is web site can able write itself but can not able scale itself.
1148%
1149OpenStack is Esperanto of cloud. Same adoption.
1150%
1151When devops are say 'hybrid cloud' is mean 50% automate public cloud and 50% manual data center rack.
1152%
1153Devops are sysadmin but with not knowledge of layer 3 and below.
1154%
1155I have almost finish manage IT for Olympic 2012. Two thing of remember: 1) 100% uptime. 2) 0% Cloud.
1156%
1157In devops are simple substitution for make meaning more clear. Example s/cluster/clusterfuck/. Example s/80% done/will never be finish/.
1158%
1159When programmer are talk of safe sex they are actual think of code with unit test. And other way around.
1160%
1161In 75% of case if you are clean Big Data you are get Small Data.
1162%
1163Explanation for junior devops: code is hot air balloon and unit test is ballast. Is fun of throw away all ballast!
1164%
1165Big Data Analytic is show 80% of code on GitHub is crap and other 20% is not compile.
1166%
1167Big devops mistake #1: boast of use Cloud and Big Data. Big devops mistake #2: not use Cloud and Big Data.
1168%
1169In devops is not correct 'shit hit fan' but 'shit hit load balancer'.
1170%
1171Good way of ensure worst bug is escape in production is have 100% test coverage.
1172%
1173You can able tell junior devops by they are believe thing are exist which are both important and not in backup.
1174%
1175Law of social media: API is free only if people are click on ads on home page of API creator.
1176%
1177All language are evolve until they are become 4GL.
1178%
1179If 5 Why technique is not always point to computer fault you are do it wrong.
1180%
1181All devops are evolve until they are become tool.
1182%
1183Nagios alert or is never happen.
1184%
1185Is not of Big Data you are ingest, is of Analytic you are excrete.
1186%
118780% of self profess devops are sysadmin which have wet dream they are developer.
1188%
1189Source of Oracle is tell me they are buy Mark Shuttleworth next.
1190%
1191In startup we are only deploy dashboard if is know to produce orgasm for Tufte.
1192%
1193Data Analytic is base on 20% fact and 80% IMHO.
1194%
1195In devops we are have 28 different word for 'blame'.
1196%
1197Lean Analytic is when you are exclusive use of find, grep and wc.
1198%
1199What is happen in cloud is stay in cloud because nobody can able reproduce outside of cloud.
1200%
1201Is so easy of get start with devops! First step is tail -f /var/log/messages.
1202%
1203In devops is turtle all way down but at bottom is perl script.
1204%
1205You can not able full understand DNS unless you are name Paul Mockapetris, Paul Vixie or Cricket Liu.
1206%
1207I final have ebook out "System Engineering for Dummy"! Is 231 page on dd command.
1208%
1209In startup we are apply strategy of one size fail all.
1210%
1211In devops nobody is get fire for buy open source.
1212%
1213Worst mistake is always happen in batch.
1214%
1215In startup we are practice Pager Driven Operations.
1216%
1217I can able watch preview of talking on "How we use technology internally at Google". Is 354 blank slide.
1218%
1219In devops we are ignore any of email which is not come from Nagios.
1220%
1221Source of Google is tell me for employee is Google+ or Xoogler.
1222%
1223Non devops are need of learn email is not best way of contact devops. Best way is not contact.
1224%
1225When you are run DROP DATABASE you are have of many problem but Big Data is not of one of them.
1226%
1227Is not over until core router is say is over.
1228%
1229In startup we are do load test by choose vendor with best of publish performance number.
1230%
1231Devops is good news! You are not need unit test if you are do continuous deployment to cloud!
1232%
1233In startup we have immediate open for 2 devops which are need for port Perl codebase to Akka!
1234%
1235Behind every of successfully devops is Perl skeleton in closet.
1236%
1237Enterprise Big Data is start with Hadoop over iSCSI and is end with broke dream.
1238%
1239Hater is go for hate, but Yahoo Mail is still #1 in Czechoslovakia.
1240%
1241I am almost finish with article for IT World has interview with all 7 customer of Azure cloud.
1242%
1243Is not site outage if nobody is tweet of it.
1244%
1245Is always disk space issue unless you are follow best practice of have database in RAM.
1246%
1247Regret in devops is when you are monitor cloud instance which was terminate of last week.
1248%
1249Rule #1 of agile startup is never of use QA team when you can able pay customer for find worst bug.
1250%
1251In devops only certification is when you have work 48 hour with not sleep.
1252%
1253In devops is no try, is only catch or not catch of exception.
1254%
1255Worst of day in devops is when Cyber Monday is fall on Friday.
1256%
1257For name scheme of server I am recommend snowflake follow by number.
1258%
1259You can only able have 2 of 3: enterprise, cloud, strategy.
1260%
1261In startup we are pass stage of infrastructure as code and we are now work on infrastructure as bug.
1262%
1263I am almost finish with "Knuth Vol. 3 Sorting and Searching for Dummies".
1264%
1265Little know fact is 90% of Big Data is result in No Data.
1266%
1267Main difference of data center and cloud: in data center you are need 2 of everything, in cloud you are need 20 of everything.
1268%
1269Main difference is continuous deployment is break web site 40% of time and continuous delivery is break web site 80% of time.
1270%
1271In startup we are have Minesweeper contest while we are wait for vary ruby gem for install.
1272%
1273Only consolation for devops who are need of manual shard of database is they are in 1%.
1274%
1275Choose name of server is all fun and game until you are terminate wrong instance of MySQL master server.
1276%
1277In devops nostalgia is when you are label SSD with letter A:
1278%
1279You are not true Java programmer if you are not write enterprise software for personal project.
1280%
1281Source of HP is tell me they are abandon hardware business and focus on cloud because is not need of hardware if you are use cloud.
1282%
1283In devops is success 5% inspiration, 15% git clone, 25% copy and paste and 55% bulls shit.
1284%
1285Is nothing better as toy example not connect to real world for get talk accept at conference.
1286%
1287Childrens of J2EE devops are have unfair advantage for assemble Lego because they can able use Spring Integration.
1288%
1289Show me result you are want and I am tailor benchmark which is show your result.
1290%
1291Paradox of cloud: more reliable is site seem to user, less sleep is get for devops in charge of site.
1292%
1293In devops we are happy even if is shit bad because we are know how much of worse is can able be.
1294%
1295All work and no play is make Jack CCNA.
1296%
129790% of problem in devops can able solve with one of 3 thing: 1) SSD 2) CDN 3) AWS
1298%
1299Only 10% in devops are know how of work with Big Data. Only 1% are realize they are need 2 Big Data for fault tolerance.
1300%
1301In devops method of 5 Why is simple. You are start with problem and work in backwards until you are find root cause of router is down.
1302%
1303If you can not able use Perl for answer, you are ask wrong question.
1304%
1305Law of Murphy for devops: if thing can able go wrong, is mean is already wrong but you not have Nagios alert of it yet.
1306%
1307Is not devops if dev is not on pager.
1308%
1309Advantage of Agile is can able of allow you get nowhere much faster.
1310%
1311In startup we are allow all developer use 20% of time for write code with not TDD so they can able of actual get shit done.
1312%
1313I am big believe in Continuous Deployment as long as is not touch production.
1314%
1315Troubleshoot of VPN tunnel is colonoscopy of devops.
1316%
1317In devops is end of world only when EC2 is run out of capacity.
1318%
131990% of insight in Big Data is base on Small Data.
1320%
1321First stumbling block in career of new programmer is compose of commit message.
1322%
1323When you are deploy new infrastructure first ICMP reply is hardest.
1324%
1325Every advance civilization is progress until is run out of IPv4 address.
1326%
13275 Hot of Technology for Internet in 2013: BGP, DNS, SMTP, SNMP, HTTP.
1328%
1329For start of new year I am recommend you discard all advice and opinion of cloud expert from last 3 year.
1330%
1331Effect of observer in devops: once you are optimize metric, is lose relevance as metric.
1332%
1333In agile startup we have policy of "is not bug, is feature" unless bug is open by CEO.
1334%
1335Junior devops are soon learn lesson of they own their reliability. Senior devops are soon learn lesson of they own their nonreliability.
1336%
1337Is take most senior devops for introduce most spectacular bug.
1338%
1339In devops we are only as good as last success reboot of Cisco core switch.
1340%
1341#1 most use Unix command is "ls-l a".
1342%
1343Worst failure in devops are happen in high availability architectures (also know as Paradox of RAID Controller Failure).
1344%
1345In 2013 will be configuration management tool of choice as of usual ssh command wrap in for loop in bash script.
1346%
1347Mining of Big Data is problem solve in 2013 with zgrep.
1348%
1349Resolution for year 2013 is cut money pay for cloud in half by run A with no H.
1350%
1351Resolution #2 for year 2013 is put back Java in Javascript.
1352%
1353In 2013 is too many cloud, too little time.
1354%
1355In devops we are face fiscal cliff every year when Oracle license is up for renew.
1356%
13571+1=2 only in legacy system. In modern distributed database with eventual consistent is 1+1=1.
1358%
1359In devops we are sometimes drop one 9 out of five 9s because we are get too bored.
1360%
1361For devops manager: if task is take 15 min, then first break into two 30 minute tasks then delegate.
1362%
1363If at first you are not succeed, is time for abandon node.js.
1364%
1365Difference of senior programmer and junior programmer is one thousand segfault.
1366%
1367If unit test are pass 100% of time you are do it wrong.
1368%
1369Distributed database is only as good as network engineer which is in charge of push cable all way in switch port.
1370%
1371Big Data is any thing which is crash Excel.
1372%
1373Best Big Data analytic is base on guesstimate.
1374%
1375If you are want of do real work you can not able use cloud because nothing is real in cloud.
1376%
1377Yesterday I have bird and bee discussion with junior devops for make realize cloud instance is born of real hardware.
1378%
1379Software project 1) On time 2) On budget 3) With quality. You can not able pick any.
1380%
1381First requisite of get shit done is be able for deal with lot of shit.
1382%
1383Hard part in devops is make money from wheel after you are reinvent it.
1384%
1385Devops remember is never cause for panic unless thing is work perfect from start!
1386%
1387If is ain't distributed, not fix it.
1388%
1389In lean startup we are only use 3rd party software which is enterprise-ready.
1390%
139190% of 5 Why exercise is result in open can of worm.
1392%
139390% of devops are fail simple interview question of what is most critical piece of infrastructure. Is outgoing mail on Nagios server!
1394%
1395In devops we are put fail in failover.
1396%
1397If you are senior devops, best gift you can able give junior devops is teach how fail fast.
1398%
1399Best way for explain concept of DevOps to CIO: is like TaskRabbit, but power by The Avengers.
1400%
1401Every web site is evolve until is fail in monetize social graph of its user.
1402%
1403Fact: 'shit is happen'. Opinion: 'We are offer SLA of five 9 uptime'.
1404%
1405Senior devops is walk into bar. Junior devops is walk into server room of bar.
1406%
1407Best decision we ever make in startup was outsource all site outage to Cloud provider.
1408%
1409In startup we are pull plug on site periodic so user not get too pamper.
1410%
1411In startup we are always start with plan C.
1412%
1413In startup we are have new problem of deal with Big Metadata.
1414%
1415Devops good news! Devops is 100% peoples and culture so you not have of understand functional programming!
1416%
1417Is always 2 problem in devops because they are out of sync.
1418%
1419Graphite graph and Nagios check or has never happen.
1420%
1421Every 2 day outage is start with wide eye dream of change world.
1422%
1423Law of sales call: every of vendor is in top 1% of all vendor.
1424%
1425If shit is never hit fan you are not get enough shit done.
1426%
1427Every of MVC web application can able be reduce to 150 line Perl script.
1428%
1429Two wrong are not make one right except in distributed database.
1430%
1431Big advantage of run own private cloud is when is go down is only take your site down.
1432%
1433Good thing of public cloud is you can able return it in 30 day.
1434%
1435Is always user error. Especial in case of user which is operate core router.
1436%
1437In devops is only necessary for remember two thing: 1) nothing is succeed like failure; 2) nothing is fail like success.
1438%
1439In startup we are leave critical bug in each of release so we can able fix in next release.
1440%
1441Small Data is when is fit in RAM. Big Data is when is crash because is not fit in RAM.
1442%
1443Junior programmer is everybody can able understand your code is wrong. Senior programmer is nobody can able understand your code is wrong.
1444%
1445Rockstar programmer are just as you and me but they can also able write insecure Ruby code.
1446%
1447Source of Facebook is tell me only way of get rid of irritate error page is reboot internet.
1448%
1449If is easy of use, then is hard of debug.
1450%
1451In startup we are celebrate teamwork by create many team of one.
1452%
1453I manage of delegate 90% of time. 80% of delegate is to my self.
1454%
1455Pair programming is good concept but is involve too many programmer.
1456%
1457Conflict resolution is most important skill of manager. In startup we are force all manager for use git.
1458%
1459I have often see grow devops cry because of spanning tree loop.
1460%
1461In devops optimist is person which is see glass as 99.999% full.
1462%
1463In startup we are work hard but then we are work harder.
1464%
1465Devops is intersection of lover of cloud and hater of wake up at 3 in morning.
1466%
1467In startup we are final master art of agile waterfall.
1468%
1469If you are windows devops I can able endorse you on LinkedIn immediate on reboot 50 web server every of hour!
1470%
1471Devops is mean never have for say sorry when you are use XML.
1472%
1473In startup if you are call us you are speak with 3 human before robot is solve your problem.
1474%
1475Is no I in backup.
1476%
1477In startup developer can able commit line of code only if other developer is remove line of code.
1478%
1479In startup we are have immediate open for frontend Erlang engineer.
1480%
1481Want of become enemy of ops? Install developer friendly product.
1482%
1483Every of social feature you are add to application is require double of number of database server.
1484%
1485In startup we can only able use maven if autocorrect is enable.
1486%
1487For every of stakeholder involve in your project is completion of project delay by 6 month.
1488%
1489Source of Mozilla is tell me Firefox OS is write in HTML5 one-liner.
1490%
1491Source of Microsoft and Hortonworks are tell me Hadoop for Windows is release as Excel plugin.
1492%
1493In devops we have best minds of generation are deal with flaky VPN client.
1494%
1495Correct ratio is 1 devops for 100 server because is not possible of ssh and give personalize attention on more server in 1 day.
1496%
1497So many of enterprise Hadoop vendor, so little of time.
1498%
149950% of devops are confuse causation with correlation. Other 50% are just take wild ass guess.
1500%
1501For increase revenue we are introduce paywall between dev team and ops team.
1502%
1503Word "impossible" is not exist in devops vocabulary. Instead we are use "done by Q4".
1504%
1505You can not able have unlimit scalability without unlimit outage.
1506%
1507Dirty secret of Big Data is you can not able deploy if you not have SQL expert on staff.
1508%
1509In startup we are practice Outage Driven Infrastructure.
1510%
1511Every PaaS can able be reduce to 120 Perl script.
1512%
1513Fact of useless: 90% of data is not exist 2 year ago. Fact of use: 90% of data is useless.
1514%
1515Cloud is not ready for enterprise if is not integrate with single server running Active Directory.
1516%
1517In startup we are only use technology if is cover in blog of expert devops on benchmark is run on own laptop.
1518%
1519You can not able spell business without BS.
1520%
1521In startup we have great of capability for churn out solution. Please send problem, we are pay good money.
1522%
1523Attention devops! Make of sure you have strong plan C. Plan A and B are never work.
1524%
1525In startup we are gamify site outage. Three outage and ops team is out.