VT3UkWR7

1
2
3
4Experimental
5
6by Alohilani
7
8
9
10Category: Invader Zim
11Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
12Language: English
13Status: Completed
14Published: 2010-11-20
15Updated: 2012-01-10
16Packaged: 2012-10-20 20:12:20
17Rating: T
18Chapters: 13
19Words: 60,111
20Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
21Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6490852/1/
22Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/836594/Alohilani
23Summary: Zim didn't know what happened to humans who just walked right into the white building, but he was sure he'd never see Dib again- not in one piece, anyway. After all, Dib was just so obnoxious, who wouldn't want to do horrible experiments on him?
24
25
26
27
28
29	1. The Room
30
31A/N: Experimental 2.0! Now that the story is finished I've gone back through to fix minor errors (mostly awkward wording and small continuity problems), and take out these now-useless author's notes about update schedule that I wound up not following anyway.
32
33For new readers: The story starts in the middle of the action- you aren't supposed to understand everything that's going on. The T rating is for fairly minor instances of blood and disturbing imagery. There is no sexual (or romantic) content and no coarse language.
34
35* * *
36
37**Prologue**
38
39Everything was white. 'Everything' meaning the walls and ceiling; there was nothing else in the room but a large, open window.
40
41He paced back and forth, his boots clicking on the smooth metal floor. The breeze blowing through the window was cold and biting and had the smell of changing seasons on it. It would be winter soon, snowy, shivery Earth winter. It never failed to amaze him how one planet could be both baking hot and freezing cold by turns.
42
43He veered from his path, ending up by the window, looking out. He was on the top floor of the building and he could see the whole city from up here.
44
45Looking through the window felt different from looking through the spherical windshield of the Voot cruiser. There was _so much Earth _out there. He shuddered and pulled away, pacing back and forth some more with his eyes on his legs.
46
47Instead of his nice, formal uniform he was wearing a slightly oversized pair of overalls that were badly stained with laboratory spills. He would change as soon as he got home and in the future he would be more careful about wearing clothes he wouldn't mind being trapped in in the case of an unexpected contingency such as this one.
48
49He realized he was holding his hands up in front of his chest. Silly of him. He was a trained Invader and surely by now he was beyond making a fuss over sore hands.
50
51He shoved them into his pockets and kept pacing. Soon enough he found himself at the window again. There was nothing else in here to look at except for the open doorway, which led to white, empty hallway.
52
53He put his hands on the windowsill and leaned forward, looking down at the city, then up at the cloudy sky. The window was completely open without even a screen and he realized he was leaning out rather far and could, in fact, fall fifty stories if he wasn't careful. He pulled away.
54
55One of the deeper cuts on his knuckle was irksomely sore. He put it in his mouth and started to suck on it while studying his other hand.
56
57His gloves had been totally shredded, so he'd taken them off. His hands looked so pale without them. The cuts and scratches stood out jarringly, even now.
58
59The few Band-Aids that he'd bothered to haphazardly apply- and that hadn't already fallen off- were peeling and limp. Gross. He picked them off and let them fall to the floor.
60
61He had been wearing safety goggles when he'd been taken here three days ago and had not taken them off since, not wanting to show any possible sign that he had been inconvenienced by these people. Now they were making his face awfully sore. He re-adjusted them for the hundredth time, reflecting that he would have livid marks on his face when he took them off. Hopefully they would have faded by the time he had to go to skool on Monday.
62
63There was a noise from the doorway and the scent of human. He turned.
64
65"Lovely view, isn't it?" the human said, and Zim realized he was still standing by the window.
66
67"Enh," he said, glancing out at the world below. "It's Earth. And it's really time I should be leaving."
68
69The human nodded. "Oh, of course."
70
71Oh good. Oh good. That was a good reaction. Previously the humans had given no sign that they expected him to return to his base at all.
72
73"There's a car outside waiting for you now," the human said.
74
75_Now?_ Zim started in shock, then hurried into the hallway before remembering that he didn't want to look _too _eager. He stopped, making an effort to look blasé about the whole thing. But not _too _blasé. Heaven forbid he give the impression he wanted to _stay_ here.
76
77"You'll need to take these home with you," the human said, handing Zim a sheaf of flyers. He took them, flipped through them rapidly to let off a bit of nervous energy and not because he cared what was in them, and stuffed them into his pocket. Then he hissed. The edge of one of the pieces of paper had caught on his skin and given him a nasty paper cut.
78
79He stared at the fresh wound. It looked like an innocent, colorless flap of skin. It stung like a Tallest-_flookar._
80
81The human cleared his throat. "Paper cut?"
82
83He shook himself. "It's nothing. You said there was a car?"
84
85"Oh, yes. This way."
86
87He led Zim down the hall to what appeared on first glance to be a blank wall. The human touched the wall and it opened to reveal an elevator.
88
89They stepped inside. The elevator began to descend. Zim looked down, tapping his foot. He was wearing big clunky boots to protect against acid spills. He wanted his other boots back. From now on, he'd carry a change of clothes in his Pak at all times.
90
91The elevator ride was a bit on the long side. The human, apparently becoming bored, eventually cleared his throat and said: "Forgive me if I'm rude. What happened to your hands?"
92
93"Eh?"
94
95"Your hands. They're all scratched up."
96
97Zim flipped one of the hands in question in a dismissive gesture. "It's not important."
98
99The human shifted his weight back and forth. "Ah."
100
101Zim stuffed his hands into his pockets to prevent further questioning. He sort of squashed the flyers in the process but whatever.
102
103The elevator ride continued.
104
105"Have you been an Invader long?"
106
107One of Zim's antennae twitched. "Quite long," he said.
108
109"Ah. What did you do before?"
110
111Zim turned to him. "Heh. I'm sorry. I don't discuss my life with members of the species I'm assigned to utterly _crush."_
112
113The human pulled away. "Sorry. I understand. I'd be the same way."
114
115Zim stared at the elevator doors.
116
117A lifetime later they finally opened. Zim was led down another hallway. This one had additional halls branching off of it.
118
119While passing one of them, Zim stopped and looked down it.
120
121"What is it?" the human asked.
122
123The hall turned halfway in so Zim couldn't see what was at the end. The floor was tile and very clean. It had a very surgical look to it.
124
125For some reason Zim had the distinct idea that he never wanted to go in there. He couldn't explain it, really. Though, there was just a hint of a funny smell in the air… even though the humans had apparently tried extremely hard to extinguish whatever it was with air freshener.
126
127Zim shook his head. "Never mind. Bring me to this car."
128
129The parking lot was not as bare as the inside of the building, but close. Zim counted three cars in the entire lot besides the one that was by the doorway, waiting for him.
130
131The human went to the passenger door and opened it helpfully. Zim did not go towards the car but lingered in the open a minute, looking around at the parking lot, the city lights in the distance, the tall, gleaming building behind him, the sidewalk, the stars (fuzzy through a thin haze of clouds) and the gleaming full moon. He had never thought he would be glad to see Earth scenery, but after three days of nothing but white metal-
132
133The human cleared his throat. Zim got in the car. It was a smallish car, and he knew of course that he wouldn't be able to get out once it started moving, but that shouldn't be a problem... it wouldn't be a problem, would it?
134
135"Now remember to give out those flyers wherever you can," the human said. Zim muttered incoherently in a tone of grudging assent, and shut the door.
136
137The driver was too polite, too disinterested or too brain-dead to offer any conversation. Zim spent the ride home silently staring glassy-eyed out the window at the passing scenery.
138
139He wasn't used to riding in land vehicles and he was feeling rather carsick by the time they pulled up in front of the base. He scrambled out of the car without a word to the driver and stood for a moment doubled over with his hands on his knees, breathing slowly. The car sped off behind him.
140
141Zim headed into his base, shutting the door behind him and leaning on it. He let out a long, hissing breath and pulled the stupid goggles off his head, letting them drop to the floor beside him. He rubbed his eyes, then kicked off the clunky boots and undid the snaps of the overalls, wriggling out of them. This left him with just an undershirt and pants.
142
143The base seemed unusually quiet.
144
145"Computer. Where is GIR?"
146
147"Eh?" the computer said. "Oh. You're back. I don't know where GIR is."
148
149Zim nodded and folded his arms over his chest. "Of course you don't. He's probably out spending my collected Earth money."
150
151He tapped his foot on the floor. "I'll need to call the Tallest and give them a full report." He yawned. "But not now. Take me to the research room."
152
153The floor lowered beneath him, dropping him into a room that contained nothing but a comfortable purple chair and a computer station.
154
155Zim turned on the screen and checked for messages left by the Tallest while he was away. Finding none, he leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. It felt good to finally be away from humans.
156
157* * *
158
159Greaves entered the control room with some hesitation. His boss was sitting at the monitoring station, as usual.
160
161Greaves went close enough to be noticed and hung there for a moment, waiting to be spoken to. A few moments of silence drug on before:
162
163"Did you get rid of the Irken?"
164
165Greaves nodded. "Just in time, too."
166
167Peter exhaled a cloud of cigarette smoke. "Meaning?"
168
169"It asked about going home when I went up to get it. It was getting anxious. They can be trouble when they're anxious."
170
171Peter nodded. "What did you think of it, observing it in person?"
172
173Greaves considered this. "What did _you _think of it?"
174
175Peter raised an eyebrow at the main monitoring screen. "Typical snotty Irken."
176
177Greaves was silent for a moment, considering, and then he said: "I'm not so sure."
178
179"Really. Why not?"
180
181"It seems a bit…" Greaves hesitated. "Different. Not right in the head. For one thing, I think it suspected something. It paused when it passed the hall to the Chamber. And for another…" He bit his lip lightly while Peter waited for him to continue. "I think it's distrustful of us in general. It's not enthusiastic about the flyers. Have you bugged its base?"
182
183Peter gave him a cold stare. "Do I look stupid to you? I had its base bugged the day we took it here. Bugged the robots, too."
184
185"Robots?"
186
187"There were two."
188
189Greaves's eyes went wide. "Two SIR units?"
190
191"No, a SIR and some kind of toy."
192
193Greaves smoothed his hair back. "A toy. What's it doing with a toy?"
194
195Peter looked back at his screens. "They're spoiled, violent children. I'll check their networks for any information about an Invader Zim if it makes you feel better."
196
197"I think you should. I really think you should. It was completely alert at all times and its responses to my questions were snide and showed strong signs of individuality. I really think it could be a problem."
198
199Peter nodded. "I'll run a full check on it and review our footage for warning signs. Now get back to work."
200
201Greaves nodded and turned away. He hesitated, and looked back over his shoulder. "Sir- what's the most trouble an Irken could cause us?"
202
203"Call the Armada down on our heads and annihilate our species. As long as we handle things correctly that won't happen. Now get back to work."
204
205Not much comforted, Greaves left the room.
206
207
208	2. The Hands of Fate
209
210"They told you they work for us?"
211
212Red glanced over at Purple and saw his double in baffled expression as well as, well, everything else. "Why would a bunch of humans even _know_ about us?"
213
214"That's what I wanted to know, my Tallest. They said you'd authorized them not to tell me." Zim held his head up high in righteous indignation. "Please! Like you'd tell anyone to keep anything from an Invader on a mission."
215
216Red scanned through his mental list of races and individuals who were angry with the Irken Empire and threw out everyone whom he knew to have absolutely no possible way to have contacted Earthens. Then he rejected- for now- everyone to whom he knew stealth to be a foreign concept. That still left a depressingly large group that could be conspiring with humans to do... something.
217
218And if the problem wasn't bad enough, there was _Zim, _who was a miniature solar system of problems orbiting an engorged ego. This could all be an attempt to target Zim in particular and turn him into some kind of twisted weapon, or- and this was a somewhat likely or- this whole thing could be nonsense invented in the little brat's damaged brain. It could all be absolutely nothing.
219
220Red rubbed his temples in an attempt to fend off the headache that was brewing. Purple was asking: "They just want you to hand out _fliers?"_
221
222Zim was frowning. No, it wasn't just a frown, it was a stormy pout that Red had unwillingly become quite familiar with. It was a look that foretold trouble ahead. "They wouldn't tell me why." He bent down out of the camera frame and came back with an armful of fliers. He flipped through them. "This one says free candy, this one says free puppies-" What on Irk was a puppy? "-this one says free coupons… it's just made up stuff to lure humans."
223
224Red could feel his teeth grinding together, even though he knew by now to expect this kind of thing. "You're really saying you were there _three days _and all you know is that they say they know us and they want you to hand those out."
225
226Zim took in a sharp breath and wouldn't make eye contact. "Yes. Well. I. I-" He squared his shoulders. "I don't remember… much." His voice was vehement with frustration.
227
228Red felt his lips press together into a thin line.
229
230"But don't worry, my Tallest," Zim babbled, "I'll find out everything about them." He snapped a salute. "I was just about to go back and _demand_ information!"
231
232"You do that, Zim," Red told him, "and tell us whatever you find out."
233
234"Yes, _sirs!" _Zim said. He saluted again and ended the call.
235
236Purple turned to stare at his co-ruler. "You told him to call _back?"_
237
238Red's eyes narrowed. "Yes. I told him to call back. I want to know who's using one of our defectives to screw with us. Does that bother you?"
239
240Purple blinked. "No! I just thought- well, how much harm can a bunch of humans do?"
241
242Red shook his head. "What if it's not just humans? What if there aren't _any _humans? Just disguises? Zim wouldn't know the difference. The stupid Resisty could be behind this. Or someone like them but… _good."_
243
244Purple frowned. "That _would_ be bad…"
245
246"Worse than an extra call from Zim, who, let's face it, would have called again anyway. And soon."
247
248Purple shrugged and looked at the blank screen. Red pulled a groping hand over his face, wondering whether he had to bother calling all the Invaders- or anyone more competent than Zim- and telling them about this. No, no, not yet. He sighed and stood up. "I need a snack."
249
250* * *
251
252Zim fully intended to go back and wring every drop of information that he could out of those meddlesome humans.
253
254First, however, he had some unpleasant business to take care of.
255
256He had paid a good deal of moneys for the byrum and it was just as vicious as he'd been promised it was. It was safely in its cage now, staring at him with beady little eyes.
257
258Zim tilted his head and studied the creature in turn. It was… beautiful. Its shape was smooth and streamlined and it was a lovely red-gold color. It was also beautiful in its lethality. And its ability to wound. His hands were still sore.
259
260The creature had to be injected regularly. Three days had already been too long to let it wait; he risked losing all of his work on the byrum and having to start anew.
261
262He had prepared with thick gloves and goggles (since he wasn't in the mood to have an eye chewed out). As an extra precaution he had changed into his battle suit so there would be armor protecting his organs and his windpipe. Just in case.
263
264He reached into the cage- it was composed of a force field, DNA-programmed to let Zim's arms pass through it but not any part of the byrum. He pinned down the byrum, injecting it with the other hand. It had been stunned into unconsciousness beforehand.
265
266Just as he was withdrawing the needle, congratulating himself on a job well done and thinking he hadn't needed to be quite so cautious, the creature came to without warning and tore into his hand, shredding the glove and the flesh underneath with rapacious ease. There was much screaming.
267
268* * *
269
270So that was the first thing that made for a crappy day. The second thing was that GIR and Minimoose were missing. Zim hadn't seen them since he'd returned to the base last night. The third thing was that it was uncomfortably cold, there was a wet mist in the air that made Zim's skin sore and he didn't have time to bathe in paste before going out (after all, the Tallest were waiting for his report!), and it took him more than an hour to find the place again.
271
272The fourth thing was that when he saw the building, a tall, gleaming white pillar of a thing that seemed to stretch endlessly into space, he did _not_ want to go into it.
273
274His memories of his time inside were strange and fractured. He remembered it being white and bare and chilly, and some snotty human talking to him, ordering him around. He also remembered…
275
276He rubbed his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. Something… cold… something gleaming… cold objects on his skin… something beeping, and… it was all very broken up and unreal. He couldn't even be sure the memories weren't somehow fabricated by a dose of tranquillizer or his own jangling nerves.
277
278He swallowed. All the more reason to go inside and straighten things out, then.
279
280He took a deep breath and burst through the door. There was a woman behind a desk. A white and blank desk. The woman was blond and pale. She gave Zim a big smile.
281
282"Hello! Did you receive one of our fliers?"
283
284"No. I'm here to see…" He didn't know the humans' names. "One of the… the men. He had dark hair. Uh, brown. Yes. It was brown." He found that his back was against the double doors he'd just come through, and his pulse was a bit too fast. What was this nonsense? He was an Invader, there was no reason whatsoever to be so wary of some humans and their ugly building. He straightened his spine and walked over to the desk.
285
286The woman behind it was at a bit of a loss. "A man with… brown hair?"
287
288"Yes. We spoke yesterday. Tell him Invader _Zim _is calling for him." His name rang out loud and comforting in the unnatural space. "He'll remember me."
289
290The woman's eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. "Oh my- it's _you! _The Ir- I mean- you look so _diff-_" She covered her mouth, then said: "Of course, I'll ring him up right now, just hold on."
291
292Zim frowned. "Different? I look different?" His pulse was hammering in his ears again. Something was wrong here. He knew it. "Different from what? I've never laid eyes on _you_ before. How would you know how I'm supposed to look?"
293
294"They showed me a- some security camera footage," the lady fumbled. "So I-"
295
296Zim gasped. "They _filmed me?" _He pulled himself up onto her desk so he was hanging off the edge of it at her eye level. "I never agreed to be _filmed!"_
297
298The lady stammered incoherently. Zim drummed his fingers on the desk, waiting for her to pull herself together. If it didn't happen fast enough, he reflected, maybe a sharp slap to her face would help her out. It would make _him _feel better.
299
300"Hey!"
301
302He turned to see a human he recognized. But only fuzzily.
303
304"Zim!" the human said, coming closer. "What are you doing back so soon? Out of fliers already?" and "I'll handle this," he said to the lady behind the desk, who slid behind it out of sight.
305
306Zim dropped down to the floor. "You. No, I'm not out of fliers." He'd been intending to confront the humans directly and tell them a) the Tallest had nothing to do with them, b) they could take their fliers and stick them, c) they should never have messed with a trained Invader, and d) he'd crush whatever their little operation was really up to. Somehow, this didn't seem like a good idea anymore. He fought with himself for a moment and finally decided on being direct, but not totally nasty. "I called the Tallest. They've never heard of you."
307
308The human's mouth fell open. He stammered. Then he said: "Really? T-Tallest… Miyuki didn't say…"
309
310Zim froze.
311
312"She said we were doing important work here. I can't imagine why…" He cleared his throat. "We should talk about this in private."
313
314He took a step forward. Zim took a step back. The human turned to the woman behind the desk. "Carol, could you leave us alone for a minute?"
315
316The woman gladly hurried away down some hallway."Now, don't take this the wrong way," the human was saying, "but is it at all possible that you don't have the proper security clear-"
317
318"MiyukiisnolongertheTallest."
319
320The human blinked. "What was that?"
321
322Zim took a deep breath. "Miyuki. Is. Not. Tallest. Red and Purple are. The Tallest. And they have _never _heard of you." He drew himself up to his full three feet and two inches and said: "And! If your _organization- _is so _important- _why didn't you _contact _the _Empire _frequently enough to _know _that Miyuki was no longer the Almighty _Tallest?"_
323
324The human put his hands to the sides of his head. "Well, we- it's _very _expensive to call so far, and we- well, can't you contact her and ask?"
325
326Zim's fists were quivering at his sides. "Miyuki's _dead, _you stinking human _fool!_ Tallests don't _retire!"_
327
328The human's eyes went wide. "Oh. Oh my. Oh dear, I'll have to call the new Tallest immediately."
329
330"Yes. You will." Zim took a step forward. "But first I need to know _exactly _why you're luring humans here and why you want _me _to help. _And _how you came in contact with my incredible race to begin with."
331
332After hearing this little bombshell about Miyuki, he'd forgotten all about the security camera footage.
333
334The human looked flustered. "O-of course. This way."
335
336He beckoned Zim down a hallway. Zim hesitated, then followed. The human took him inside a room filled with stacks of files and shelves containing vials of various colored liquids. "Wait here," he told Zim, and darted off into the shelves. There were rummaging noises. Zim waited for about ten seconds, tapping his foot, and then charged in after the human.
337
338The clutter was immense. Zim wandered around lost for a bit and somehow ended up back at the doorway, where the human was waiting for him.
339
340"I really understand your concern," the human said. His hands were behind his back. "I'd like to tell you, really, but I have bosses too, you know, and I really do not want to make them mad. Plus, really, I'm terrible at explaining things. I'll have to ask my boss."
341
342"Okay, you go do that. I'll wait," said Zim. He folded his arms over his chest, tapped his foot on the floor, looked up at the ceiling and said "HNNNN."
343
344"No no no, see," the human said, "he's in the next city over, and he won't be back until tonight and he doesn't have a cell phone."
345
346"Hm." Zim gave the human a frigid look. "Well, that's stupid of him."
347
348"Yeah, I know. But, uh-" The human cleared his throat. "If you want to hang around all day until he gets back-"
349
350Zim stiffened. Here? All day? "That won't be necessary. I'll go back to my base for now and return in the evening, when your superior has returned." His eyes narrowed. "And then, you'll tell me everything. Because I'll come back with tools to _persuade _you with if you don't happen to feel like sharing."
351
352The human nodded with wide-eyed sincerity. "Oh, we'll tell you, don't worry."
353
354"Good." Zim brushed past the human and headed for the doors out. The human followed closely on his heels.
355
356"Great," the human said. "Well, we'll see you later then. It was nice talking to you."
357
358"Uh huh," Zim muttered, reaching for the door.
359
360Suddenly the human reached out and grabbed his freshly-injured hand. Zim let out a wounded cry that was a bit squeakier than was dignified.
361
362"Oh, I'm so sorry," the human blathered. "I was just reaching for a handshake, I didn't realize-"
363
364Zim hissed. "Maybe I'll _persuade_ you even if you decide to talk on your own!" He lunged for the door, then whirled around and said: _"And I don't shake hands!"_
365
366He headed out of the building and stormed down the sidewalk in the direction of the base, muttering to himself. Stupid humans. Stupid human in particular. His hand was bleeding through the bandage. Stupid byrum. Stupid-
367
368He suddenly turned around, staring behind him at the building he'd just left. Miyuki had died thirty years ago. How could that human have made a business agreement with her? He was clearly not over 45 years in age now, so he would have been a mere child when Miyuki died…
369
370The agreement _could _have been made by an older superior and not by that particular human, Zim supposed. Still. Kinda fishy. He'd call the Tallest again when he got home.
371
372He headed off towards home, cradling his smarting hand to his chest.
373
374It was the left hand. Most humans shook with the right. Zim rather suspected intentional spite on the part of the human.
375
376By the time he got home, his hand was _really _hurting and had swollen up to at least twice its size. He staggered inside and collapsed onto the couch, sweating in spite of the cold.
377
378"C-computer," he stammered, "get me a- get me- g-get-"
379
380"Get what?"
381
382Zim went limp, shutting his eyes.
383
384* * *
385
386When he opened them it was hours later.
387
388He sat up fast and his head spun. He lay back down for a minute, then cautiously sat up again. He did not immediately remember what had happened. The base was dim and things were casting long shadows. It was late. His head felt fuzzy and his eyes were sore from sleeping in his contact lenses. (The wig had fallen off onto the floor where it looked like some kind of small, deceased animal.)
389
390Then it came back to him- staggering inside and passing out.
391
392He looked at his hand. It had deflated to its normal size. In fact, all the bites and scratches on it were healed. Only on his left hand. The other one was still pretty dinged up. The dangerous infection had prodded his Pak into shutting down most of his physical processes for a few hours so it could concentrate every iota of power into speed-healing his hand before the bacteria could get into his bloodstream.
393
394He went to the kitchen, pulled out last night's cold, picked-over bowl of nachos and devoured it. It made him feel only marginally better. The cheese had congealed and gotten all gross and greasy.
395
396He looked around the kitchen. Everything was so quiet. It contributed to his feeling of groggy unreality.
397
398"Computer! GIR and Minimoose still aren't back?"
399
400"Nope."
401
402"Ugh!" Zim shook his head and went back to the couch, sitting down and resting his head on the arm of it. He might not be in actual danger anymore but that didn't mean he felt _good._ He wouldn't be himself again for another couple of hours at least, he realized. And it was getting late, by the time he got back out to the white building the relevant humans would most likely be gone. How very convenient for them.
403
404Too convenient.
405
406The bandages were still on his left hand. And they were really gross now. He pulled them off and dropped them on the floor with a small yelp of disgust.
407
408Underneath, his Pak hadn't been able to prevent the bite wound leaving a bit of a scar. Zim studied it. He clearly remembered spending a good fifteen minutes making sure the wound was completely clean after the byrum had bitten him. He'd been bitten many different times by many different test subjects and never gotten a hint of infection. He scowled. "And GIR and Minimoose still aren't back."
409
410"Nope."
411
412"Nnngh. GIR's been gone this long before but never Minimoose." He scowled and got to his feet. "I'm going out, Computer, make sure no one enters the base."
413
414* * *
415
416Dib opened the door when he knocked on it. He stared. "Whoa! What happened to you?"
417
418Zim frantically looked himself over. Had the white-building humans done something to him without his realizing it? "What? What?"
419
420"You look sick."
421
422"Oh." He waved dismissively. Dib took an undue interest in the scratches on his hand and Zim tucked it into his pocket out of sight. "I was ill a few hours ago. I'm not now."
423
424Dib frowned. "Oh. Okay?"
425
426Zim took a step forward, glaring. "Where are my robots?"
427
428Dib blinked. "What?"
429
430"My robots! Where are they?"
431
432There was blank incomprehension on Dib's face for a moment. Then he grinned. "You'll never get them back, Zim!"
433
434Zim hissed. "You don't even know, do you?"
435
436Dib shrugged, chuckling. "Nope. Good luck with that, though. They probably ran away because you're a jerk."
437
438Zim shook his head and turned away. Dib shut the door behind him.
439
440"What did _he _want?" Gaz asked from the couch, opening one eye and looking at Dib.
441
442Dib blinked. Since when did Gaz care? Maybe she was finally taking an interest in the fate of mankind? "He wanted to know if I had his robots."
443
444"And what did you _tell _him?"
445
446"I said I don't have them and he left."
447
448Gaz looked at him for a moment, then nodded and went back to her gaming.
449
450Dib wondered a moment longer, then shrugged and went up to his bedroom. He did not notice anything unusual about Gaz's Gameslave.
451
452* * *
453
454The creature had just gotten back inside its base. He watched as it shed its disguise. Its voice was tinny over the speakers. "Dib doesn't have them, Computer. I suspect the weird flier humans. I'm going back to their base to get some answers."
455
456It went into the kitchen to its lab entrances.
457
458Peter took a deep breath and leaned back. "Well, you made it good and mad with your little assassination attempt."
459
460Greaves swallowed.
461
462"It's not coming here to chat. You know that, right?"
463
464No answer.
465
466"One more mistake like that and you're our next new subject."
467
468All color drained from Greaves's face.
469
470"Now get out of my office," said Peter.
471
472
473	3. Alone in the Dark
474
475For this, he changed into a slim-fitting stealth suit that was dark green in color. He added a utility belt and safety goggles and looked down at himself. He looked thinner than he had the last time he'd worn this thing. He took note of this without any emotion. Irkens only care about their weight if it begins to make it hard for them to move around.
476
477The streets outside were pitch dark most places and incongruously harshly bright under the streetlights. He avoided the bright puddles of light, being out of disguise and all.
478
479It was, of course, cold. Zim wished he had been able to afford to wear a warm, bulky coat, but such a thing would restrict his movement too much. (He could of course have worn one until he reached his destination and then taken it off, but this never occurred to him.)
480
481By now having the route more or less memorized, he reached the white building much more quickly than he had yesterday. There, he was momentarily stymied by the fact that the doors seemed to have disappeared.
482
483Zm prowled around, studying the building. It was made of thick, smooth metal that looked like it would be very hard to break or melt through. He stood still for a moment, thinking, and then he looked up and saw that the windows on the upper stories were still there.
484
485He nodded, cracked his knuckles, and took some suction cups out of his Pak, fitting them onto the ends of his spider legs.
486
487Irkens are good climbers and he was at the window in no time at all, not even breathing hard. He lasered out a small section of glass and squeezed through onto the floor inside.
488
489He liked being thinner, he decided. Maneuvers like that had always painfully squeezed his hips in the past.
490
491He was in a completely empty room with no trace of surveillance equipment in it. He headed out into the hallway.
492
493* * *
494
495Greaves's voice was dull and groggy on the other end of the phone. He'd been sleeping, Peter observed.
496
497"What is it? Did something happen?"
498
499"This is Peter. Your Irken is here."
500
501"What? Peter? Irken? He came to your house?"
502
503Peter shut his eyes for a moment. "No. I'm at the building." He rarely left the building nowadays. "He's broken in."
504
505"Oh. OH. Oh no. Well, call security!"
506
507"I might," Peter said, looking up at the observation screens, which displayed a small figure prowling about on the tenth floor. "But I want to see what he does when left to himself. Get over here."
508
509He hung up the phone. Right now, there was nothing in the building above the first floor. Operations had only started recently.
510
511And this Irken couldn't possibly get to the first floor. Peter imagined that it would wander around the upper floors until it decided there was nothing to see and went home in defeat. It would be interesting to see how it reacted after that.
512
513* * *
514
515The floor was empty. Every room was utterly bare. These humans! What was the point of an empty floor?
516
517Zim shook his head. Well, he knew there were things that might be useful on the first floor. The question was how to get there.
518
519He knew there was an elevator that was hidden but could be activated with a touch sensor. The problem was that it might only respond to the DNA of the human that had activated it. Or, well, any human. Zim wasn't human at all. It was worth a shot, though.
520
521* * *
522
523Greaves appeared in the observation room and came over to stand next to Peter's chair, rubbing his eyes.
524
525"What's the situation?"
526
527"Did you open the elevator in front of it?" Peter asked.
528
529"I- yes, why?"
530
531"It's looking for the elevator," Peter said, looking at the tenth-floor screen, where the Irken was now feeling over all the empty walls with its scrabbly little hands. Fortunately the creature had a maximum reach of about four feet off the floor.
532
533Greaves was silent for a moment, then said: "I warned you it might be difficult."
534
535Outwardly Peter showed no response.
536
537Greaves peered at the screen. "What did your network scan on it show?"
538
539"Nothing yet. It takes time to get into Irken systems."
540
541The Irken was now studying a specific section of the wall.
542
543* * *
544
545There was something different about this part of the wall. It did not react when Zim touched it, likely because it was in fact DNA-keyed like he'd suspected. Or… maybe he couldn't quite reach the sensor, as he had a maximum reach of about four feet off the floor. Maybe four and a half. But anyway…
546
547"There are ways around that," he mumbled aloud in the oppressive silence, and retracted a shock tool from his Pak.
548
549A good shorting-out of the wall caused the shields around the elevator doors to turn off. As Zim had suspected, the humans were using a combination of hologram and force field. Quite ingeniously constructed. It really had looked and felt like a seamless metal wall.
550
551He stepped into the elevator and punched the button for the ground floor.
552
553* * *
554
555"It found the elevator," Peter said without emotion.
556
557"Now are you going to call security?"
558
559A lone Irken, an Invader. It wouldn't have the weapons or the permission to wreak serious havoc. It would simply inspect everything and then report to the Tallest. Irkens did not do more than that when they were alone.
560
561Peter considered the current stage of the project. It was going very well and perhaps it was time for the Tallest to know about it. If one of their own Invaders alerted them, it would also give them a nice sense of complacency about the state of security in the building. False complacency.
562
563"No. I'm curious what it will think about our operation."
564
565Greaves looked at him as if he was insane.
566
567Peter rose an eyebrow, the first sign of expression he'd shown. The Irken was looking straight into the elevator camera.
568
569Greaves gasped. "He knows the camera's there."
570
571The Irken looked uneasy. As Peter watched, it turned its head a bit, narrowing its eyes and frowning. It glanced about in the other corners of the elevator, then bit its lip and looked back at the camera.
572
573"He knows we're watching him," Greaves reiterated. "I think you should call security."
574
575"It doesn't know the camera is there. It just knows the camera _should _be there. Invaders are paranoid. They're trained to be."
576
577The Irken looked down at the ground, shaking itself and tensing its shoulders.
578
579Peter nodded. "See. If it knew for certain there was a camera there, it would have disabled the camera."
580
581Greaves said nothing.
582
583* * *
584
585Zim was not claustrophobic. He was not in the least bit claustrophobic and being stuck in the elevator was not a problem at all, no sir.
586
587He glanced up at the top corners of the elevator. Nope, nothing there. Nothing to worry about at all. The humans had terrible security here, they sure did.
588
589"Too easy," he told himself, and then said nothing, and the world became very quiet when he was saying nothing.
590
591Not entirely quiet. He realized the elevator was playing soft music. It was low and haunting, not your typical peppy elevator music of the annoying kind that played in his own elevator at home.
592
593He thought he recognized the tune. He stepped out of the elevator humming it, and wiping his hands on his pants. His hands were sweaty. He was wearing gloves, though, so the wiping didn't really help.
594
595He looked around. He was in a hallway that looked _just like _the ones on the tenth floor. Oh! And Zim wasn't claustrophobic, by the way. Not in the slightest.
596
597He went around peering into the different rooms. Empty. Empty. He was humming quite loudly now.
598
599He headed down the hall and came to the receptionist's desk. He studied it for any papers or files that had been left out. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Bare desk. Oh, and the double doors leading to the outside? They were invisible from inside the building as well as outside. He knew the trick now, of course, the doors were still there, but shielded. But the shields sure did a good job.
600
601There were beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He brushed them off.
602
603"Well, it's hot in here," he said, but it was actually sort of cold. It was _wrong _in here, that was the problem.
604
605Like the smell. There should be human-smell everywhere. There wasn't. The place smelled like nothing.
606
607He turned and saw the branching-off hallway that he knew led to that room full of papers, and he headed in that direction. On the way he realized his humming had broken into words without him really realizing it, his subconscious mind having remembered the lyrics while he was otherwise occupied.
608
609"Sing us the song of the century… louder than bombs and eternity…"
610
611He had heard children at skool playing it. For some reason the elevator had been playing it slower than its actual tempo and in a different key. It made his skin crawl. Not that the song wasn't sorta creepy to start with. Humans were weird.
612
613"Tell us a story that's by candlelight," he muttered, mostly without tune, as he ventured into the room that yesterday had been full of stacks of papers. "Waging a war and…"
614
615It was empty now. "Oh, come on!" he snapped, stomping one foot. He walked though the room, thinking the goods were holographically hidden, but no. No, this time they really were gone.
616
617He looked at the floor. He got down on his knees and looked around for some kind of switch. Nothing.
618
619Maybe it was the wrong room. He walked back into the hall and searched around for another room.
620
621He found himself facing another hall, one that turned at the end so he couldn't see to the end.
622
623He hesitated a moment. There was just a hint of funny smell coming from down there, and he didn't like it. He didn't like this _place. _The Tallest wouldn't know if he just left right now.
624
625He bared his teeth and hissed at the strange hallway, just because it made him feel better. Then he headed into the hall at a clipped, steady march.
626
627"You don't scare me," he muttered aloud.
628
629* * *
630
631Peter's eyes were alight. "It found the Chamber."
632
633Greaves shuddered.
634
635* * *
636
637Zim turned at the end of the mysterious hallway and saw… a huge pair of double doors.
638
639"Didn't bother to hide _these, _eh?" he muttered. He went over and tried to open them. Locked, of course.
640
641He forced them open with Pak tools and found another elevator inside. He stepped into it.
642
643It lurched, without his doing anything, and began to descend. He cried out in shock, then chuckled to himself. Of course. Motion sensor. Nothing eerie about that at all.
644
645"I'm surprised the humans even managed to invent the technology," he said.
646
647The elevator ride was another long one. The elevator was kind of small, too, even by Zim's standards. It was becoming stuffy. There was no visible door now.
648
649"Hmm hmm hmm, song of the century," he mumbled, rocking back and forth (though this elevator wasn't playing the music). "Panic and promise and…" He'd forgotten the last word.
650
651He was trembling. He closed his eyes for a moment and made himself go still. "Tell me a story into that good night… sing us a song for me…"
652
653The elevator stopped and opened. Zim hurried out of it. He was drenched with sweat now. It felt rather unpleasant.
654
655This hallway was dark and narrow and full of angles. At the end of it, he found another set of double doors. Zim forced them open and found himself in a room full of boxes and things.
656
657His first reaction was to stare, and then to laugh aloud. (With just a hint of hysteria, nothing major.) "So you _do _have stuff!" he said. "You can't hide everything."
658
659And it looked so normal in here, too. Just cardboard boxes, some lockers on the wall, a bench, a drain in the middle of the floor, some space suits on the wall, some respirators and gloves and… and, uh, hm.
660
661He tapped his chin. Space suits. Then they were doing something that involved space travel, that was what made sense. So-
662
663Then he saw the doors. There were two. He went to one of the doors and peeked inside. It was a shower of some kind.
664
665And then he noticed the decals. They were everywhere. 'Biohazard,' they said.
666
667Zim gasped and backed away until he was up against the door he'd come through. The humans were working with dangerous biological material? Research, no doubt. Then they wanted test subjects. That was the whole flyer thing.
668
669His eyes narrowed. But what did that have to do with _him?_
670
671Obviously, he needed to go in _there_ to find out.
672
673He looked at the other door, that presumably led to the testing chamber. He looked at the space suits. They clearly would not fit him. Not even close.
674
675His Pak had a breathing shield in it. He looked at his right hand, which had a nice, big collection of open wounds on it under the glove. But he _did _have a glove and he'd wrapped two layers of bandage around the hand for extra protection.
676
677He looked at the door. He looked down at his feet. He felt sort of sick. The Tallest wouldn't know if he just went home now.
678
679_He_ would know.
680
681He wouldn't touch anything. He'd hold his breath and he'd get out of there fast. He put the breathing shield on and went inside before he could change his mind.
682
683Inside, there was lots of machinery everywhere and he saw tall, glass domes glittering above the tangled masses of wires. The domes were full of liquid in which things he couldn't see clearly were floating. Test subjects, he judged. Perhaps clones. He went closer and peered in at one.
684
685It met his gaze. He looked into its big, mournful eyes for a moment before it sunk in what he was looking at.
686
687He took a step backwards, looking the test subject up and down, taking in every aspect of its body, or what was left of it. He looked back into its eyes, then down at… the rest.
688
689* * *
690
691The Irken was stock still, looking at subject 36C. Peter fancied that it was impressed. Irkens did a lot of experimentation. Surely it could recognize superior methods when it saw them.
692
693The little alien just stood there a moment longer, and then it took off its breathing shield and turned away, retching loudly.
694
695* * *
696
697Zim had done some nasty human experimentation, of course, the happiness probe and a few organ removals or transfers, among other things. He had done experiments on animals, too; there was the steroid-injected byrum and there was the cow he'd modified into hunting rabbits, and more than a few hideous half-animal half-machine chimeras, but he could never even have conceived of what had been done to _this _test subject- surely not. He still couldn't quite comprehend it. He didn't understand had exactly had been done here to make the creature look this way, he didn't understand what possible purpose could be achieved by it, he didn't understand why the subject had obviously been infected with something, he found he didn't even want to think about it.
698
699And the _stench. _He'd never experienced anything like it.
700
701He wiped his mouth with his arm, snuffling, and went over to one of the machines, staring at it. There. Machines were a lot easier to understand than people. This was better. He just wouldn't look at the test subject anymore.
702
703(He'd forgotten all about the breathing shield.)
704
705This apparatus was life support for the subject, he realized. He traced his small hands over the controls, quickly understanding through long familiarity with similar devices (and a bit of natural mechanical talent) more or less how everything functioned.
706
707He studied the machine, looked up at the test subject, and looked back at the machine.
708
709He turned off the life support. The humans had probably been going to do it anyway. Anything that looked like that had to be a failed experiment.
710
711He looked up at the thing's eyes. The eyes quickly glazed over, and the liquid the thing was floating in went cloudy.
712
713Zim had been the last thing that creature had ever seen, he reflected. If it could still see. It probably had had no idea what he was. Well, of course it hadn't. How was it supposed to even think in that state?
714
715* * *
716
717Peter stood up. "It terminated 36C," he said.
718
719Greaves coughed. It sounded like an "I warned you" cough. He'd fit nicely in 36C's dome.
720
721Peter hit a big red button on his keyboard.
722
723* * *
724
725Dimly remembering that he had to make some kind of report on this, Zim made a quick and sloppy count of the domes, arriving at a no-doubt inaccurate figure that he immediately forgot. Then he went to the next dome, looked at the thing inside, and shut off its life support.
726
727He moved on to the next subject and did the same thing. He knew he should get out of here- he'd seen enough to report on, and the humans' security might be bad, but _surely _messing with the life support systems had set off some kind of alarm- he certainly _wanted_ to leave, but he couldn't tear himself away from the domes. They were horribly arresting of the attention.
728
729Then the door opened.
730
731Zim turned. He couldn't see whoever had come inside through all the clutter. But someone had definitely come inside- he could hear footsteps.
732
733He backed away from the source of the noise, realizing there was only one door and therefore only one way out.
734
735He'd brought a handheld laser in his Pak. As an afterthought. He took out the laser now.
736
737Footsteps were coming towards him from three different directions.
738
739With his Paklegs, he could climb much better than they could. He could climb over the tangle of machines blocking him in. He could probably climb right over the heads of the humans.
740
741He extended the legs and shot off over the tangle. A human cried for him to stop. Zim thought that was rather stupid of the human. Why would Zim want to stop? Did they think he was a total idiot?
742
743He could see the door now. More humans were coming through it. They were shooting at him. He dived behind some machines. A gunshot hit the machines. They fizzed and sparked.
744
745"What are you doing?" he heard a voice cry. "Don't shoot! You'll hit the subjects!"
746
747How convenient. Zim certainly didn't care about hitting the subjects. He ducked out from behind the machines and shot at the humans. One of them fell and Zim darted though the opening its fall created.
748
749There were more humans out in the hall but not as many. He weaved through them.
750
751One of them picked him up in its arms. He thrashed and bucked and kicked it hard in the chin. It dropped him. He ran for the elevator.
752
753He got inside it and the doors closed behind him. This time the elevator did not start automatically. There were no controls inside it. The doors had seemingly disappeared.
754
755He started feeling over the walls with his hands. There had to be a control here somewhere.
756
757He brushed something, and the doors began to open. He was looking down a gun barrel. He screamed and ducked sideways. A bullet slammed into the back of the elevator. Somehow this caused it to start rising.
758
759Zim flattened himself to the wall. He'd stopped sweating, he realized. He felt quite cool and calm, he thought. He got the laser pistol ready, realizing that there would probably be more humans waiting when the elevator stopped.
760
761But there weren't, at least, not yet. Irk, what a sloppy operation.
762
763Zim headed for where he knew the doors to be. He knelt by the wall, getting his Pak tools out. He could hear sounds of pursuit from inside the building. Ah, of course, they were coming for him when he'd all but gotten away.
764
765He shorted out the shields and dashed outside.
766
767When he crossed over the threshold of the sidewalk in front of the building he hit a hard, sizzling barrier that threw him backwards. He got to his feet and tried to reach the parking lot a little further down. He encountered the same obstacle. He ran around behind the building, since humans were on his tail and there seemed to be nowhere else to go.
768
769Except up. He put the suction cups back onto the ends of his Pak legs and started to climb.
770
771On the way up, some humans tried to shoot at him from the ground, but by that time he was apparently too high up to hit with accuracy, since he didn't die. He managed to make it to the roof, where the humans could not hit him from the ground or windows.
772
773However, they probably had helicopters. He went to the exact middle of the roof, aware he was a sitting target- there was nothing else on the roof but him, and his dark stealth suit stood out like a beacon against the white metal.
774
775He sat down, took out his radio and spoke into it. "GIR, where are you?" He had thought he was calm but his voice was quite rough. "GIR, I need you. Come here _now."_
776
777Of course, GIR was probably somewhere inside the white building. Lying in pieces. But it was worth a try. Zim put the radio back and stared straight ahead. He could see only sky. He was cold, and the wind whipped at his body, and he had a strange feeling that he was actually up _in_ the sky supported by nothing. Then he felt a rushing sink in his belly like he was falling, and he flopped over onto his back. The sky had turned a pale, dead white, he realized. It was morning. He must have been wandering around in that building looking at nothing for longer than he realized, or maybe he'd grayed out for a little bit just now without- no, of course not, he was a professional, he wouldn't have done anything as silly as faint- wait a minute.
778
779There was something in the sky coming closer. A helicopter?
780
781No, because helicopters didn't leave long, twisty white smoke trails, they weren't tiny and they didn't _sing. _
782
783GIR landed on the roof a few feet away, saluting and singing a fanfare. He'd gotten here very quickly, or maybe, well, maybe Zim really had grayed out for a moment. It didn't matter, GIR was here now, and Zim grabbed him, clutching the little robot tightly to his chest. "Back to the base," he said. "Now. And be careful, they're shooting. _Now, GIR! Go!"_
784
785GIR dragged him to the edge of the roof and leaped off. Zim screamed.
786
787GIR climbed into the air and started making a lot of sharp zig-zags. They were very high up. How big were GIR's fuel tanks? Had he emptied out any of his fuel lately? GIR was whooping with joy. He loved flying.
788
789He did not love watching where he was going. "GIR! STAY AWAY FROM THE-" Zim yelled, but too late, GIR whipped around the corner of an approaching skyscraper, and he barely avoiding crashing into it, and Zim's head did not quite avoid crashing into it, and everything was very painful and then very dark and quiet.
790
791
792	4. The Creeping Terror
793
794The first sensation that came back was pain. It was burning in his shoulders and lower back, throbbing in his head and _screaming _in the base of one antenna.
795
796He lay still for several minutes, just breathing. Conscious thought had fled for the moment, leaving a disorganized feeling of general… wrongness.
797
798Everything was wrong.
799
800The smells were wrong.
801
802His tactile sensations were all wrong. He seemed to be lying on wooden boards, which he didn't have in the base. He was wearing much lighter clothing than usual. And of course, he shouldn't be in pain. And he shouldn't be smelling human.
803
804He definitely shouldn't be smelling Dib's sister.
805
806He picked up his head, opening his eyes. There she was. Sitting on the floor. Just a few feet away, hunched over her game.
807
808Well, the game was right. She was always pounding on that thing. But what was she doing in the base? No, this was all wrong. And the game was wrong too. It was… it was…
809
810"I told you he wasn't dead," Gaz droned into the thing she was holding that was not her game.
811
812"Minimoose?" Zim said. His voice sounded weak and squeaky.
813
814Minimoose grinned back at him. "Nyeh!"
815
816For a lingering second there was no sound in the room but Zim's own frightened breathing. Gaz should not be holding Minimoose. She should not be mashing buttons on his antlers and absorbing herself in the usually-hidden screen on his back. And she should not be in the base!
817
818But she wasn't in the base. Zim wasn't in the base. He was in a strange bedroom, one absolutely reeking of Gaz. Her bedroom, no doubt. Well, he shouldn't be in her room, either!
819
820He struggled to his feet. He felt dazed and disoriented. His shoulders and back were just mildly sprained- he could still use them. His head was bruised but not cracked or leaking brains. But the antenna-
821
822He reached up to feel out the extent of the damage. His left antenna was just gone. Severed two inches from his scalp, with a sticky lump of clotted blood at the broken-off end.
823
824How-
825
826A memory came flickering into his mind; a gun barrel pointed at his face, and moving his head to avoid it. Apparently he had not moved fast enough after all.
827
828With that memory came the entirety of his adventure in the white building. Everything made sense now.
829
830Well, not everything. "Minimoose! What are you doing here?" Zim demanded. He looked over to see GIR sitting on Gaz's bed, playing with his feet. "What's going on?"
831
832"Nyeh!" Minimoose explained.
833
834Zim sat down heavily on the floor. "Bugs? They _bugged _you? And my _base? _When did this happen?"
835
836"Nyeh," Minimoose said.
837
838Zim reached up to gingerly poke at his damaged antenna. He shivered. "Of course. When I was gone. But-"
839
840He cut himself off, glaring at Gaz. She obviously had no need to be privy to this conversation.
841
842He stood up and walked over to her, leaning over her with his hands on his hips, drawing himself up to his full height (not that that would impress her, she was an inch or so taller than him now). "I'll be taking that back now," he said.
843
844Gaz looked up at him, saying nothing.
845
846"Minimoose," Zim continued. "Hand him over and there won't be any trouble."
847
848"The moose said I could have three days with him if I took off the bugs. I still have a day left."
849
850"I see! I don't care. Give him to me."
851
852Gaz shrugged. "Okay."
853
854Zim held his hand out. Gaz turned and yelled over her shoulder: "DIB! YOUR STUPID LITTLE FRIEND IS HERE!"
855
856Zim took a step backward. "WHAT!"
857
858"HE'S TRYING TO IMPREGNATE ME WITH HORRIBLE HYBRID CHILDREN!"
859
860"No no no no no!" Zim babbled. "What are you DOING?"
861
862Dib's muffled voice came through the door. "Gaz, what's going on?"
863
864Gaz looked over at Zim.
865
866"Fine! Keep the moose! One more day!" he spat, and sat on the floor with his back against her bed, hugging his knees to his chest and scowling.
867
868"Never mind," Gaz called in the direction of the bedroom door. "I can't believe you keep falling for that."
869
870Dib huffed. Zim could hear him walking away. He closed his eyes.
871
872"Still scared of my brother?" Gaz asked.
873
874"_No."_
875
876"Hm."
877
878She returned to her gaming. Zim studied the floor, noting and mentally criticizing every little smudge on it.
879
880He rubbed his eyes. What to do about the bugs in the base? Obviously, if he removed them the people watching him would know he knew about the bugs. And they'd know his location.
881
882He shuddered involuntarily and got to his feet, pacing back and forth.
883
884"Stop that," Gaz said, "it's distracting."
885
886Zim sat down. Then he got back up. "You can't tell me what to d-"
887
888She turned towards the door. "DIB!"
889
890"Yeah?" Dib called from somewhere outside of the room.
891
892Zim sat down, seething.
893
894"Never mind," Gaz called.
895
896"Will you stop interrupting my research?" Dib complained through the wall. Gaz didn't answer.
897
898Zim drummed his fingers on the floor. Gaz stared at him. He stopped drumming.
899
900Silence fell, apart from the beeping of the game and GIR muttering soft nonsense. Zim drew his knees in to his chest, folding his arms on top of them. The white building. The white building. What to do about the white building. He needed to tell the Tallest what he'd found, of course, but he couldn't go to the base right now, and his Pak radio couldn't reach the Massive.
901
902His first instinct was to just blow the white building and its psychotic inhabitants to kingdom come. But there was no way that wouldn't be noticed. And after what he'd witnessed there, he couldn't shake the feeling that they might have some method of retaliation.
903
904Gaz was glaring at him. He was rocking back and forth, making the floor creak. He went still and Gaz went back to her game.
905
906The stealth suit was thin and now he was feeling sort of cold. Of course, Zim had learned from his experiences a few days prior, and packed his normal uniform in his Pak for such a contingency as this. He pulled it out now and laid it on the floor in front of him. He started to wriggle out of the stealth suit.
907
908Gaz was staring at him.
909
910"What?" he demanded.
911
912"Why are you taking off your clothes?"
913
914"That's none of your business." Why did she even care? Oh- oh right, humans had that nudity taboo. Species that reproduce sexually were funny. And disgusting. "Just don't _watch_ me, then!" he snapped, and pulled the offending thin, clingy fabric over his head. It caught on his severed antenna. Ow.
915
916Gaz was staring at him with a look of mild horror. Whatever. He pulled on his uniform-leggings, undershirt, overshirt, gloves, boots. Warm, comfy layers. He already felt better.
917
918Gaz went back to her game. Zim felt the stump of his left antenna, frowning. It would grow back, of course. Eventually.
919
920He sighed, rubbing his temples. Well, he was stuck here for a while. If he went home, the white-building humans would get him. If he even left this room he'd probably run into Dib. He was _so _not ready for that. He was _un-_ready for that.
921
922GIR got down from the bed and sat down next to Zim, making a weird beeping noise. Zim reached over and started scratching the smooth metal top of the robot's head without changing his train of thought.
923
924He needed to know everything he could about the white building. It would help if he could remember what had happened in the three days he was there in their possession. Maybe he could recover that information if he went through every memory he _did _have, starting from when he was taken.
925
926Taken? No, no, he'd gone willingly, he thought. Right? He squeezed his eyes shut.
927
928He'd just finished dealing with the byrum, and he'd been tending to the wounds it had inflicted on his hands when the doorbell rang. And then, he must have gone and answered it without putting on a disguise. That wasn't like him. Was he getting sloppy?
929
930No. No of course he was not getting sloppy, Zim never got sloppy. No, he hadn't gone to answer the door in his work clothes, he'd just gone up to the living room, where his disguise was waiting in the drawer of the end table. But there had already been humans in the living room.
931
932Which wasn't unheard of, either. GIR often let people in. So why had he waited to put on the disguise until he got to the living room?
933
934Because… because GIR hadn't let those people in. He was down in the lab with Zim being a nuisance, he wasn't in the living room. The humans shouldn't have been in the house.
935
936They were big humans, sharply dressed. They smiled and said polite things but they were big and well-muscled and Zim had been very wary of them. They had told them they knew the Tallest and then… had he just believed them? He shouldn't have. He remembered one of them taking his hand, into a fist as big as Zim's head, and taking him out into the yard. He remembered sputtering protests but following along anyway, fearful of making a scene in full view of the neighbors, and also a little worried about losing an arm. And then he'd gotten into a car, and the next memory he had, he was in that white room, looking out the window at the city below.
937
938What could they have _done _to him?
939
940He looked down at his body. It looked and felt normal (apart from injuries that were all accounted for). But they could have done plenty of things he couldn't detect. They could have infected him with something that took a while to manifest itself. They could have implanted some kind of time bomb, or tracking device. They could have reached into his brain and taken out vital information about Operation Impending Doom II!
941
942He got up, unceremoniously dumping GIR, who had wormed his way onto Zim's lap, in a heap on the floor. He started pacing again.
943
944"Stop that," Gaz said. Zim went to the door and put his hand on the knob, debating whether or not to risk leaving the room. Maybe Dib was safely sequestered in his own bedr-
945
946"Gaz!"
947
948The voice had come from the other side of the door. Zim snatched his hand away, crying out in dismay.
949
950"Gaz!" Dib repeated, sharply. "What was that?"
951
952Gaz shot a glare at Zim, rolled her eyes, and did an unflattering imitation of the Irken's frightened squawk. Zim scowled at her.
953
954The doorknob was turning. Zim gasped and flattened himself to the wall next to the door.
955
956The door creaked open. The door was between Zim and Dib. Zim was fairly certain Dib could not see him. But he couldn't see Dib either.
957
958He could smell him though. Phew.
959
960Gaz was looking over her shoulder at the door. Zim heard Dib sigh. "Will you stop doing that?" he said. "One of these days he'll really be here and I won't know to rescue you! Did you ever think of that?"
961
962Gaz raised an eyebrow.
963
964"Anyway, I was just going to say I'm off to that UFO convention," Dib continued. "Don't wait up for me. If it gets to be dinnertime just order a pizza."
965
966"All right," Gaz said, going back to her game. "Bye, Dib."
967
968"And don't open the door for anyone, that chupacabra is still mad at me."
969
970"All right."
971
972Dib shut the door. Zim remained plastered to the wall for a moment, then he slowly began to inch forward.
973
974The door snapped open. Back to the wall. "Hey, if you get pizza, don't order any mushrooms on my half."
975
976"Whatever."
977
978The door shut. Zim dove across the floor, scrambling under the bed. GIR was already there.
979
980"I'm hiding from Dib!" the robot giggled.
981
982"Silence, GIR!" Zim flattened his body to the floor. His pulse was pounding in his ears.
983
984The door didn't open, and it didn't open, and it still didn't open. It wasn't going to open. Zim crawled out from under the bed. To his dismay, he was trembling.
985
986Gaz was sitting there on the floor… still… silent… unfathomable. He studied her for a moment.
987
988"So," he said. "Dib isn't here to protect you now."
989
990In response, she delivered a swift karate-chop to his shoulder. He screeched.
991
992"Nope," she said.
993
994Zim lay on the floor for a minute, seething. Then he stood up. "Filthy _human!"_
995
996Gaz said nothing.
997
998"I'm going to go-" What was the rudest thing he could possibly do in this house? "-raid your filthy kitchen!"
999
1000"Don't touch the leftover pizza."
1001
1002Zim sputtered. "I want none of your- stupid _pizza!"_
1003
1004"Good. We understand each other. Have fun."
1005
1006Zim stormed out into the hallway. On the way to the stairs, he passed Dib's room.
1007
1008He paused. Now was an excellent opportunity for some sabotage.
1009
1010He went into the room and glanced around. Ew, what a mess. Clothes on the floor and paranormal crap tacked to the walls and on the desk and it smelled and just… ugh.
1011
1012He kicked at the piles of clothes and spat on the floor. He didn't feel up to anything more complicated. He didn't feel up to too many things, really. His head was pounding and he couldn't shake a feeling of slight... he didn't know. Funny-ness. He felt funny.
1013
1014He smoothed back his remaining intact antenna and sighed. Then he went downstairs.
1015
1016An inspection of the kitchen revealed not much that was edible. He managed to ferret out some bread-type stuff that didn't smell poisonous. He started nibbling on it. He didn't really have much of an appetite, though.
1017
1018It was very quiet here. There was no ever-present hum of lab equipment. And GIR had stayed upstairs, for some reason. No noise from him either.
1019
1020Zim found himself standing very still in the middle of the room, staring into space, good antenna angled to catch any new smells, shifts in the air or hints of movement, listening intently to the sound of the wind outside. He was shivering and didn't know why.
1021
1022Enough of this silly paranoia. He went into the living room and turned on the TV. There, some noise. None of this weird, freakish human silence and-
1023
1024Oh dear Irk what if they'd followed GIR's flight to this house? They could be waiting outside right now.
1025
1026Zim went to the front door and eased it open a crack, peering out at the front yard. Nothing there but slowly accumulating snowflakes. One of them blew in and landed on his cheek. It melted into his skin. It burned. His paste coating had worn off.
1027
1028Zim shut the door. He was still holding that bread thing. He tossed it to the floor.
1029
1030"Nothing there," he said to himself. Idleness, that was the problem. He was trained for action. He should be _acting _right now_. _
1031
1032Perhaps it wasn't yet time to do anything about the white building, but there was a more immediate problem he could work on. He headed back up to Dib's bedroom.
1033
1034* * *
1035
1036Dib was disappointed.
1037
1038He'd been to a lot of UFO convention and every time he'd found pretty much the same thing: too many sweaty nerds in too small of a space. But, hey, a break could come from anywhere, so he kept making his rounds, showing off his pictures to everyone who didn't look _too _crazy.
1039
1040He didn't get anywhere this time, just like he never had before. The only thing different was that this time, a woman with a suspiciously large smile handed him a flier on his way out.
1041
1042It was advertising free trips into space.
1043
1044Dib studied the flier on the bus ride home. It was a strange flier- there wasn't a whole lot of information on it. It just told him to go to a certain address if he wanted a free ride to space, and that was the whole thing.
1045
1046Kinda suspicious. He'd have to follow up on this.
1047
1048Not tonight, though, it was getting dark, and the snow was starting to come down pretty thick.
1049
1050He headed inside. The house smelled like pizza. There was an open box of it on the table, with about half of it missing. What was left was lukewarm. And covered in mushrooms.
1051
1052Dib scarfed down a few pieces, picking off all the mushrooms first, and then he went upstairs.
1053
1054He opened the door to his bedroom. The room was dark, with blue light coming from the powered-on computer monitor. The light framed a familiar silhouette.
1055
1056Zim spun around in the chair. His hands were folded in front of his chest with the index fingers rapidly tapping together. His chin was lowered and his antennae were slicked back (one of them, anyway, something appeared to have befallen the one on the right). The light from the computer monitor glinted eerily off his disgusting, bulbous alien eyes.
1057
1058"_Dib," _he snarled.
1059
1060"What are you doing here?" Dib snapped.
1061
1062Zim answered with another question. "What is _that?" _One of his little stick-arms snapped out to his side. He was pointing at the computer monitor, which was displaying a certain photograph.
1063
1064Dib studied it, one eyebrow raised. "Well, I'd say that's a picture, Zim. A picture of you."
1065
1066"I _know _it's _me," _Zim spat.
1067
1068Dib folded his arms over his chest. "Well, then, I don't see what the problem is."
1069
1070Zim got out of the chair and stalked over to Dib, baring his teeth. "What are all these pictures of _me _doing on _your _computer?"
1071
1072"I took them. With a camera." Dib smirked. "I guess you just didn't notice."
1073
1074Zim sputtered.
1075
1076"Oh, and by the way, I have multiple copies of all of them, ones you'll never find, so," Dib shrugged. "Go ahead and delete those, if it makes you feel better. Even if you did manage to get rid of them, I'd just take m-"
1077
1078"What is that?" Zim's tone had changed.
1079
1080Dib blinked. "'That' what?"
1081
1082Zim yanked the flier away. Dib had forgotten he was still holding it.
1083
1084The alien scanned the piece of paper. His jaw dropped and he pulled his hands away from the flier as if it were red-hot, letting it fall to the floor.
1085
1086"A woman was passing them out," Dib said. "You know something about this?"
1087
1088Zim backed away. "What? Me? Know? No. No, no, of course not, why- you didn't go there, did you?"
1089
1090"No, not yet." Dib folded his hands behind his back. "I was _about _to. Why? Do you want to come too?"
1091
1092Zim shook his head. "No. No no no. No no! You fool! You don't know what you're getting into!"
1093
1094Dib reached over and turned on the light. Zim flinched away, blinking in the sudden light. "Well, then, maybe you should tell m-" He stopped. Zim looked awful- pale and distraught, with dark circles under his eyes. "Whoa. Zim. What's going on here? You didn't break in just to look at my computer, did you?" He groaned. "What manner of alien wrath have you invoked now?"
1095
1096"I didn't do anything! And I didn't break into your house!"
1097
1098"What are you here for, then?"
1099
1100Zim looked down at the floor. "None of your business."
1101
1102Dib frowned, then shrugged. "Okay." He bent down to pick up the flier. Zim watched with bulging eyes. "I guess I'll just go check this out then. See what's up."
1103
1104Tiny, hot little clawed hands fastened themselves to his arm. "No!"
1105
1106"Why not?"
1107
1108Zim bit his lip.
1109
1110"You know," Dib said, "any enemy of yours is a friend of mine. Well. Probably. Tak wasn't. But-"
1111
1112"Those humans are evil," Zim said.
1113
1114Dib glanced up at the ceiling. "Hmm. I think you're evil, and you think I'm evil, so that doesn't really tell me anyth-"
1115
1116"You won't like it either. They're using other humans as test subjects."
1117
1118Dib nodded. "The same way you do."
1119
1120Zim shook his head. He wouldn't make eye contact. "Oh, no. No, this is different." He turned away, folding his arms over his chest.
1121
1122Interesting. This could be a trap, but it was usually pretty obvious when Zim was lying, and he didn't seem to be lying now. "What kind of testing?"
1123
1124Zim rocked back and forth. "I don't see why that's relevant."
1125
1126"Sure, okay. Then I don't see why I should believe you."
1127
1128Zim looked up at the ceiling. "One of the subjects had been infected with some form of hemorrhagic fever."
1129
1130Dib blinked. "What? Like Ebola virus? That's kind of nasty."
1131
1132"Mm."
1133
1134"What else?"
1135
1136Zim said nothing.
1137
1138"Come on," Dib prodded.
1139
1140"No."
1141
1142"Wh-"
1143
1144"No, it's not important." His tone had a note of finality in it. "I'm staying here tonight."
1145
1146Dib stared at him. "What? No you're not."
1147
1148"I'm staying here whether you like it or not!"
1149
1150Dib opened his mouth to argue, and then realized what he was doing- he was about to make himself miss out on a chance at round-the-clock observation of the alien. "Sure. Fine. But why?"
1151
1152Zim started to pace back and forth. "They're on to me. They've probably planned an ambush at the base. Don't get any bright ideas about going there to snoop around in my absence, I'm sure they wouldn't mind killing you either."
1153
1154"And who are 'they'?"
1155
1156"Have you been listening, Dib? The humans in the white building! The evil ones! Gah!" He clutched his head with both hands. "Why am I telling you this? You'll just make everything worse!"
1157
1158Dib frowned and put his hands on his hips. "You're not making any sense! How about you start from the top and tell me everything?"
1159
1160Zim took a step backwards, shaking his head. "No no no no. I've said too much already!"
1161
1162"You've barely said anything at all!" Dib advanced on him. "What white building? Who are these people? Do they have names? What do they look like? How many test subjects are there? Why are they handing out fliers? How do you know all this? Why should I believe a word you say? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
1163
1164Zim was flattened to the wall, his eyes nearly staring out of his head. "Aah!"
1165
1166"Do you get how annoying this is?" Dib demanded. "Do you hear yourself right now? You're not making any sense at all right now, Zim, you're just spewing disconnected sentences and acting like they're supposed to impress…" He trailed off. "Zim, are you listening to me?"
1167
1168Zim blinked a couple times, then nodded. His eyes were glazed over.
1169
1170"You understand that if you want me to do anything you have to, you know, make sense first," Dib said.
1171
1172Zim nodded and looked down at the ground, putting one hand to his forehead. "Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I just… hooh. Eh, I've had a crazy few days, you know, and…" He chuckled indulgently. "Look at me. Apologizing to a human! That's _stupid._" He sighed and looked back at Dib. He had to look up. It had been over a year since Zim first showed up in skool, and Dib had grown, whereas Zim had not. "What was I…"
1173
1174"There's some kind of white building that's experimenting on people," Dib said. "And they're watching your base."
1175
1176"Oh. Yes. Yes, that's about it. Yep."
1177
1178Dib gave him a cold stare.
1179
1180"What?" Zim demanded.
1181
1182"There's gotta be more than that. Come on."
1183
1184Zim shook his head, scowling. "I noticed some suspicious activity and investigated it. I found the test subjects and was discovered before I could investigate further. The humans in the white building are well-armed and have excellent surveillance equipment along with surprisingly advanced technology. Maybe they're in league with the Vortians…"
1185
1186"Okay. Now, was that really so hard?" Dib said. "Now, I guess you want my help with all this. Doing what? Stopping them from experimenting on people?"
1187
1188"Oh, there's more to it than that, Dib."
1189
1190"Really?"
1191
1192Zim took a deep breath. "I think they're trying to make soliders. Botching it horribly, of course. But-"
1193
1194"Soldiers?"
1195
1196"Yes. Trying to make disease resistance and… cyborg limbs and… and other things. DNA modifications and… and stuff. Stuff like that. It's beyond your comprehension." He was starting to look upset again. Maybe the 'white building humans' really were up to something horrible. Or not. Zim got that look on his face when confronted with the animatronics at Bloaty's.
1197
1198Dib leaned back, folding his arms over his chest. "Obviously, the first thing to do is get some real information. You'll have to take me there to-"
1199
1200"No."
1201
1202"Whaddaya mean?"
1203
1204Zim was avoiding eye contact again. "There's really no need to go back there, I saw everything."
1205
1206"I want to see it for myself."
1207
1208"Fine. You can go alone." His voice became suddenly hoarse. _"And die!"_
1209
1210Dib blinked. Zim was suddenly staring at him very intently.
1211
1212Dib rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I have some sources of my own I can check first-"
1213
1214"Good. You do that. I'll, uh-"
1215
1216"You can-"
1217
1218"I can-"
1219
1220"You can-"
1221
1222"I can, uh, watch your TV."
1223
1224Dib nodded. "Sure. Sure. You do that. You can stay out of my bedroom and out of my dad's lab." Not that there was any danger of him going to the lab; it was DNA-encoded, fingerprint-keyed and retina-imprinted.
1225
1226Zim nodded and headed down the stairs. Dib sat down on his computer.
1227
1228The first thing to do was to readjust the chair, which a certain short-legged alien idiot had jacked up insanely high. The second thing was to close out the image-viewing program Zim had opened. Then Dib restored the pictures Zim had deleted out of the Recycle Bin. Then he pulled up the security cams. Dib's dad had security cameras all over the house. Dib could now use them to make sure Zim behaved himself. At the moment, he was sitting on the couch next to Gaz, fidgeting.
1229
1230All right. Now Dib opened his browser and went to the Swollen Eyeball network forums in one tab and Google in another.
1231
1232The next few hours were spent searching and posting. Every paranormal website that existed was in Dib's bookmarks, even the really, really stupid ones.
1233
1234And not a single one of them mentioned anything like Zim's white building. Either this building was too new to be reported, it had some great cloaking, or Zim was full of crap.
1235
1236Still, Dib posted topics about the building everywhere he could, asking everyone he knew to keep an eye out for something like this. He looked into and made notes of unexplained disappearances and unusual electrical activity, too.
1237
1238When he was done, he checked the security camera footage. Gaz had apparently gone to bed and Zim was curled up alone on the couch looking morose.
1239
1240Well, it was pretty late, and nothing seemed to be happening. Dib supposed he could snatch some sleep himself.
1241
1242He crawled into bed.
1243
1244
1245	5. Dreamcatcher
1246
1247Zim was called back to reality by a clattering noise from the next room.
1248
1249He hadn't been asleep but he hadn't been exactly awake, either- some mindless state in between. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. He was not sure for the first few moments exactly where he was. When he remembered, he huffed and shook his head. Filthy Dib. Filthy Dib's house.
1250
1251And that clattering noise was probably filthy Dib up to no good. Better check it out.
1252
1253He stood up, straightened up his uniform, and marched into the kitchen.
1254
1255The noise wasn't Dib, it was Gaz. Hm. Not much better. She seemed to be collecting a bunch of items on the table. Was it for some kind of ritual?
1256
1257Oh, no, Zim was pretty sure that was a frying pan. She was just making breakfast. Or at least… that was what it looked like.
1258
1259"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. Gaz was a sneaky one.
1260
1261"I'm making breakfast," she said. She set a plastic bowl on the table and took a large wooden spoon out of a drawer.
1262
1263Zim simply observed for a few minutes while she measured some substances into the bowl. One of the bags she opened released a powerfully sweet scent.
1264
1265Zim went closer. "What's in that one?"
1266
1267"Not for you," she said, closing the bag and putting it aside. She took some eggs out of a carton and cracked them into the bowl.
1268
1269Nasty, nasty eggs.
1270
1271Suddenly, her head jerked up. She looked angry. Zim drew back.
1272
1273"The paper boy," she said, and she jumped down to the floor and ran out of the room. Zim turned and watched her rush out the front door. He heard her yelling: "HEY, YOU! STOP THROWING THAT THING IN OUR YARD! IT STAYS ON THE SIDEWALK!"
1274
1275Well, she'd left the bag of sweet stuff unattended. Zim crawled up onto the chair to get a better look at it.
1276
1277Aha. It was pure sugar! Pure sugar was rare on Irk. Earthens had the stuff oozing out of their pores and didn't even know to be properly grateful.
1278
1279Usually, when Zim came across a bag of sugar, or managed to scrape together the money to buy one, he promptly and loyally sent it to the Tallest. Without even sampling it. Honest. But right now he couldn't get into his base to send it, and, well, he was doing important work, and he'd had a bad couple of days and could use a pick-me-up, and… well…
1280
1281* * *
1282
1283Dib woke up to a pained squawk coming from his computer. He shuffled over there to find it had come from the security footage. Specifically, the kitchen.
1284
1285Zim was standing on the table, looking shocked and rubbing the back of one hand. Gaz was standing on the chair, brandishing a wooden spoon. There was a spilled bag of sugar on the floor.
1286
1287"What? What?" Zim was saying.
1288
1289Gaz bared her teeth. "Every Sunday morning I make pancakes." Ooh, Dib had forgotten it was pancake day. Cool. "And no one gets in my way. And no weird aliens show up and get into the sugar, and they're not going to start!"
1290
1291"I wasn't in the way," Zim said.
1292
1293Gaz swung the spoon. It was a long one, whittled to a sharp point at the handle end. "Hyuh!"
1294
1295Zim squawked and scrambled off the table. In the process, he knocked over the bowl Gaz had been making the pancake batter in.
1296
1297Dib rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Both Zim and Gaz looked down at the mess on the floor. Gaz looked up at Zim.
1298
1299Zim snatched a spatula off the table and used it to deflect a blow that was probably meant to put out one of his eyes.
1300
1301Gaz aimed another stab at Zim's guts. He knocked it aside.
1302
1303Gaz drew back for a moment. Then she carelessly swatted Zim's spatula out of his hands. "Hey!" he yelled, and put up his fists.
1304
1305Gaz chuckled appreciatively and tossed the spoon aside, putting up her own fists.
1306
1307"Aw, crap," Dib said, running out of his room. Gaz was surely overestimating herself now. She was a strong girl, and a quick girl, and Zim was physically pathetic, but he could pull some weird, vicious stuff and there was no way- well, Dib just better get down there.
1308
1309He slid down the banister, landing on his feet and running into the kitchen, where…
1310
1311…where he found Zim lying on his back, panting. Gaz was standing over him, one foot resting on Zim's chest, and her hands on her hips.
1312
1313Dib supposed he wasn't really that surprised.
1314
1315Zim was staring up at Gaz with a look of shocked awe that quickly turned to anger. "On any normal day I would have destroyed you, human!" he squeaked.
1316
1317"Uh huh," Gaz said.
1318
1319"Don't get too cocky!"
1320
1321"Uh huh."
1322
1323Dib chuckled. Gaz took her foot off of Zim. He flipped over, scrambling awkwardly to his feet.
1324
1325"Get out of my kitchen," Gaz said. Zim scowled at her and stalked out of the kitchen. On the way he 'accidentally' brushed up against Dib and delivered a sharp, passive-aggressive, 'accidental' elbow to Dib's ribs.
1326
1327Dib barely felt it. He was too busy gloating. "Good work, Gaz," he said. Gaz said nothing. She was getting out the broom and dustpan.
1328
1329Dib went into the living room, where Zim was sitting on the couch, seething and straightening out his disheveled uniform. He was lightly coated with baking ingredients.
1330
1331Dib stood over him. "So how's it feel to get your butt kicked by a little girl?"
1332
1333Zim sniffed and threw his head back. "I don't know you tell me."
1334
1335Dib snorted. "Hehe, I'm not the one who-"
1336
1337"She didn't kick me, in the butt or elsewhere." Zim rubbed the corner of one eye in an obvious display of nonchalance. "However, you seem to anger her quite frequently-"
1338
1339"Uh, Zim-"
1340
1341"WHAT?" he barked, glaring up at Dib.
1342
1343Dib suppressed another laugh with some difficulty. "You got a little something here." He pointed to Zim's face. "And here." He pointed to Zim's arm. "And there. And-" He snorted.
1344
1345Zim looked down the white powder dusting on his body. "Oh. Ha. You're right." He reached out, grabbed Dib's shirt, and started wiping his face on it.
1346
1347Dib stared. "Hey!"
1348
1349Zim let go of the shirt, coughing and shaking his head. "Ugh! Your shirt smells like s-"
1350
1351Dib yanked it away. "Don't touch it then! Man!"
1352
1353They enjoyed a nice, mutual glare for a minute or so, and then Dib said: "Well, I have some important stuff to do, and it looks like Gaz can handle you just fine. So I'll just go do that."
1354
1355He headed for the stairs. Halfway up, he paused and turned to see Zim on the step below him.
1356
1357"What?" Dib said.
1358
1359Zim tilted his head sideways, affecting a sardonic parody of innocence. "Is there a problem? Is this important 'stuff' to do something you don't want me seeing, Dib?"
1360
1361Dib ground his teeth together. As a matter of fact, he'd been going to check his Internet groups to see if any new info had turned up, and he didn't want Zim getting a look at his sources.
1362
1363"No. I was just going to eat something with lots of greasy meat and cheese on it. You can watch that."
1364
1365"Pff." Zim tossed his head. "The kitchen's downstairs, Dib."
1366
1367Dib sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Do whatever you want. If I don't like it I'll just drag you off to the white building."
1368
1369Zim froze, and Dib realized his flippant threat had had a bigger effect than he'd anticipated. He grinned. "Or maybe I'll just call them to come pick you up."
1370
1371Zim backed down a step, baring his teeth. He shook his head. "You wouldn't-"
1372
1373"Of course I would."
1374
1375Zim hissed and turned away. "I didn't care what you were going to do anyway."
1376
1377Dib smirked. "Of course you didn't."
1378
1379Zim went back down to the living room and Dib went up to his bedroom.
1380
1381* * *
1382
1383None of Dib's sources had heard anything about the white building. Curiouser and curiouser.
1384
1385He took a shower, went downstairs and had a peaceful, utterly silent pancake breakfast with Gaz. Then he went into the living room, where Zim was looking at his own faint reflection in the blank TV screen.
1386
1387Dib watched as the alien studied his own face from every angle, then pulled up his shirt to reveal a stretch of navel-less green skin. Zim examined himself for a moment, then pulled his shirt back down and placed his fingers on the side of his neck, apparently trying to check his own pulse.
1388
1389"Zim, what are you doing?" Dib asked.
1390
1391"None of your business." Zim's voice was distracted. He did not turn to look at Dib. "Do I seem at all… different to you?"
1392
1393Dib raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
1394
1395"Do I seem like anything may have been…" Zim flipped one hand about in a vague, indecipherable gesture. "Injected, inserted or implanted into me?"
1396
1397Dib shook his head, wondering what this new weirdness was. "I have no idea. I didn't do anything to you recently, if that's what you're wondering."
1398
1399Zim made a soft, distracted 'huph' noise, as if to disparage the idea that Dib could possibly have done anything to him ever. "What about my, uh, behavior?"
1400
1401Dib's eyebrows shot up. "Your what?"
1402
1403"My behavior. My manner of behaving." He seemed irritated. "Do I _act_ different, Dib?"
1404
1405Dib rolled his eyes. "You act like a crazy green alien jerk! Who's gotten really jumpy all of a sudden."
1406
1407Zim turned to stare at him. "Jumpy? Jumpy? Jumpy how?"
1408
1409Dib folded his arms over his chest. "I don't know, maybe jumpy like suddenly asking me if you've… changed or whatever. What kind of change do you expect me to notice? Did you think I was gonna say you have, I dunno, a tail now?"
1410
1411Before his disbelieving eyes Zim actually looked behind himself to verify his lack of tail. "No, no, that would be silly," he then said. "You're right, Dib, a human like you wouldn't have the first idea of what would be… wrong."
1412
1413"Uh huh," Dib said. "Well, if you're done with that, we'd better check out this 'white building' of yours."
1414
1415Zim chuckled. "Ha ha ha, funny…"
1416
1417Dib took a step closer. "I want you to take me there and show me exactly what the heck it is you're talking about."
1418
1419Zim took a step back. "Eh?"
1420
1421"Show me whatever it is that's got you all freaked out. I mean, what, did I mumble?"
1422
1423"I'm not going back there," Zim blurted out. He cleared his throat and looked away. He was turning pale. "There's nothing you need to see. I don't see how it would be at all helpful-"
1424
1425Dib cut him off. "You're too scared to go back."
1426
1427Zim clenched his hands into fists. "AN INVADER DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF FEAR!"
1428
1429Dib gave him an appraising look. "Really."
1430
1431Zim turned away, folding his arms over his chest. His remaining antenna flicked as if to shake off a fly. "Fool! If you're so sure you have to see the white building, then fine. I'd take you- but I don't have my disguise." He shrugged. "I was in a bit of a hurry when I came here. So, if you-"
1432
1433Dib grinned. "No disguise, huh?"
1434
1435Zim flinched. "Uh-"
1436
1437"No base to hide in either, hmm-"
1438
1439Zim started looking around. His eyes went to the door and then the window.
1440
1441"You don't have anywhere to go, Zim," Dib reminded him.
1442
1443Zim ran the tip of his tongue over his lips. He was starting to sweat. He began to pace. Dib watched.
1444
1445"Are you threatening me?" Zim asked.
1446
1447"Nope! Just pointing out that the balance of power seems to have shifted my way," Dib said with a grin.
1448
1449"I can't take you to the white building," Zim reiterated.
1450
1451"About this 'white building'. I don't seem to have any proof it exists except for a flier and the word of a pathological alien liar." His eyes narrowed. "What's your angle?"
1452
1453"What?" Zim pulled away. He was hunched and tense and looked like an animal preparing for flight. "What angle? I don't have an angle!"
1454
1455Dib leaned back, putting his hands on his hips. "You're scared, you don't have your disguise, you want my help with some mysterious threat you won't accurately describe, and I'm a little suspicious."
1456
1457Zim walked up to him, baring his teeth. "Fine. Give me a new disguise and I'll take you to the white building."
1458
1459Tch. Please. Like Dib was going to fall for that. "Oh, now you want a new disguise. Why would I give you a new disguise? I kind of don't want you to have a disguise."
1460
1461Zim turned away. "Fine. It doesn't matter. Go ahead. Go alone. See if I care." He was trembling.
1462
1463"Fine. Maybe I will."
1464
1465"Go ahead."
1466
1467"Fine."
1468
1469"Fine."
1470
1471Dib headed for the door. He stopped and looked around. Zim was pointedly not looking at him.
1472
1473Dib threw his head back and marched out the door and down the front door.
1474
1475Then he turned around and came back into the house. He took his coat off the rack and put that and his boots on, avoiding eye contact with Zim. It was pretty… pretty cold out.
1476
1477"Change your mind?" Zim asked. His voice was strange and tight.
1478
1479"Nope," Dib said. "I guess us humans are just made of stronger stuff than you." He once again went out the door, shutting it loudly behind him.
1480
1481Halfway down the walk, he heard a muffled cry from inside the house. "Fine! Go off and get yourself horribly killed! It'll just make my life easier!"
1482
1483The words were petulant and carried an odd lack of force. Dib wasn't entirely sure he'd been meant to hear them.
1484
1485He shrugged and continued on his way.
1486
1487Except that he'd forgotten his flier with the address on it.
1488
1489He went back inside. Zim stared at him, beseechingly. "Now you're giving up?" he asked.
1490
1491"No," Dib said. His tone was short. "Nope. Not giving up, Zim. I just need to, uh- I'm just getting something."
1492
1493He went upstairs and got the flier. He came back down and Zim was standing there in the middle of the room, looking wilted and lost.
1494
1495Dib stood over him, causing the alien to tilt his head back and scowl up at him. "All right, I'm going for real now. Stay out of my room and don't touch anything in the house. Most of my stuff is booby-trapped, anyway, you know." This last was a lie.
1496
1497Zim snorted disparagingly. "So you're still going. Fine, I definitely won't miss you when you're gone."
1498
1499Dib rolled his eyes and headed outside for the third time. When he got to the edge of the yard he looked back to see Zim watching him out the window. He looked miserable.
1500
1501Dib flipped him a wave. Zim's eyes narrowed.
1502
1503Dib turned and headed down the street.
1504
1505* * *
1506
1507Zim watched Dib until the putrid little boy's shape had faded from view.
1508
1509He remained at the window, having nowhere better to be. His hands were pressed to the cold glass and his breath was making a hazy white mark that faded and reappeared.
1510
1511He didn't know what happened to humans who just walked right into the white building, but he was sure he'd never see Dib again- not in one piece, anyway. After all, Dib was just so obnoxious, who wouldn't want to do horrible experiments on him? And the big head was an anomaly they wouldn't be able to resist investigating.
1512
1513Zim tried to picture what Dib would look like after a round of experiments, and quickly stopped, as he was beginning to feel not right in the head just thinking about it.
1514
1515He stared dully at the window. The snow that had started last night had accumulated, blanketing the world outside in cold, wet, burning whiteness. Stupid snow. Stupid Earth.
1516
1517Minus Dib, the house was quiet- very, very quiet. Zim found himself straining to catch the smallest noise. But his own breathing was so loud and harsh that it had to be blocking out some of the lesser noises-
1518
1519Oh, Irk. Dib was right. He _was_ jumpy. He put his hands over his face and took deep breaths. His pulse was thundering in his ears.
1520
1521There was no reason for this, he was an Invader, he could handle anything that came his way. The white building hadn't been able to capture and hold him, after all, no matter how much fancy tech they had. He could take this. It was hardly a problem at a-
1522
1523There was a thump from upstairs. Zim plastered himself to the wall, yelping aloud. "WHO GOES THERE?" he screamed.
1524
1525"Be quiet!" someone yelled back. Oh. Right. Gaz. Gaz was still here.
1526
1527Zim shook his head. Duh. And so were GIR and Minimoose. That thump had probably been GIR.
1528
1529He glanced out the window one last time. There was no point in waiting here any longer. Dib would probably not be returning under his own power.
1530
1531There was also no point in allowing Gaz to keep his robots in her possession for a minute longer. Zim turned on his heel and headed for the stairs in a clipped, military strut.
1532
1533* * *
1534
1535There was a sign on Gaz's door that hadn't been there yesterday. It said:
1536
1537NO STUPID ALIENS ALLOWED.
1538
1539Zim studied the sign, concluded that, as he was not stupid, it did not refer to him, and reached for the doorknob. Just before his fingers made contact with it-
1540
1541"There better not be a dumb alien out there trying to get into my room," Gaz called from outside.
1542
1543Zim froze, his intact antenna reflexively sweeping the air. Then he once again decided that she could not possibly mean him because Zim was not dumb. He reached for the doorknob. It wouldn't turn. One of the humans' primitive locking devices.
1544
1545Zim was certain he could break the door down, but he had to admit that that would be an incredibly bad idea when dealing with Gaz. He knocked, instead.
1546
1547"Go away, Zim!" she called. He wondered how she'd known it was him and not Dib, and then chided himself- obviously, everything he did was so clearly superior to how Dib did it that the difference was obvious. Even when it came to knocking on doors.
1548
1549He clasped his hands behind his back, popping up on the balls of his feet and then settling back down onto his heels. "Go away? I don't think so, little Gaz." He liked calling her 'little'. He didn't get to call very many people 'little'. Actually, he technically couldn't call Gaz that anymore either, but why split hairs? "Maybe you've forgotten that you have something that belongs to me."
1550
1551Gaz made a huffing noise. The door opened and Zim staggered backwards as he was suddenly hit with two projectiles. He wound up knocked off balance and landing rather heavily and painfully on his rear end on the floor. Gaz's door slammed shut.
1552
1553The projectiles were GIR and Minimoose. Both of them were still and silent- they had been powered off. Zim bared his teeth and got to his feet, propping GIR up on his hip and tucking Minimoose under his arm- both things he had done often enough that he longer needed to consciously think about doing them.
1554
1555At the moment, he had neither the time nor the inclination to confront Gaz over this gross display of disrespect, but she would pay later. Very definitely. She would pay with doom.
1556
1557"I'll deal with you later, human," he said, to make sure she didn't think he was just going to let this go. "You'll regret that you weren't more-"
1558
1559"Be quiet!" Gaz didn't sound impressed.
1560
1561Zim seethed for a moment, then turned away, heading for the stairs.
1562
1563He stopped about halfway there. It occurred to him that… maybe he should tell Gaz her brother wasn't coming back. It would keep her from thinking it was Zim's fault when Dib disappeared forever. The last thing he needed was for that little… witch child to get some notion about vengeance into her head.
1564
1565He went back to the door, automatically adjusting GIR's slipping position on his hip, and knocked the toe of his right boot against the door to get her attention. "Hey! Gaz!"
1566
1567Gaz wrenched her door open, glaring at Zim with both eyes wide open. "What- do you want- now?" she spat.
1568
1569Zim pulled away, scowling. Now, what had he done to deserve this treatment from her? Nothing. That was what. Stupid humans. "I just thought you should know that Dib ignored my excellent advice and went off somewhere where he's very likely to end up horribly murdered!"
1570
1571Gaz huffed. "You bothered me over _that?"_
1572
1573"I don't want you bugging me later when he never comes back. I had nothing to do with it." He shrugged. "This time." Not that Dib could be killed (or made to disappear) twice in his lifetime. Er. Hopefully not, anyway.
1574
1575"Whatever. Go away!"
1576
1577Gaz slammed the door shut. Well, she'd been warned. Not that she deserved the warning.
1578
1579Zim turned and went back down to the living room. He dumped GIR and Minimoose on the couch, then took a moment to arch his back, roll his shoulders around and mutter to himself. GIR had felt unusually heavy. The stupid robot had, no doubt, packed something very nasty and weighty into his head compartment. Zim didn't want to know what it was.
1580
1581He flopped down on the couch, groaning aloud. He wanted to go home. Dib's house smelled bad and had ugly furniture. Plus, he needed to report to the Tallest. They had to be worried sick by now.
1582
1583Then the first order of business was to get those bugs out of his base, and then find and remove any humans from the white building who may have been set in place to watch for his return. But how? He couldn't do it himself, the bugs were certainly set to instantly recognize his presence. Was he going to need to bargain with Gaz again? Surely he wouldn't be reduced to seeking the help of a human smeet.
1584
1585He rolled onto his back, propping his head on the armrest, closing his eyes and throwing his arm over his face. He was stretched out at an angle, allowing one foot to hang over the edge of the couch. The other leg was bent towards his body, knee sticking up in the air.
1586
1587Zim suddenly realized that this was a rather unprofessional position. He would have gotten a good swatting if he'd lazed about like this on Devastis. He sat up, leaning back into the couch and folding his hands over his belly. He felt too warm, and also, somehow, both restless and devoid of energy at the same time. Also, his head still hurt.
1588
1589How to get back into the base? Minimoose would probably have some ideas.
1590
1591Or not. It was the moose's stupid idea to come to Dib's house. But it was worth a shot. Zim picked up the little robot and turned him back on.
1592
1593Minimoose's eyes lit up with bright spots of red and he squeaked.
1594
1595"Yeah, yeah, hi," Zim said. "I need to get back into the base. What do you know about the bugs?"
1596
1597Minimoose squeaked.
1598
1599Zim blinked. "You can? Well- then- do it! Destroy them!"
1600
1601Minimoose rose into the air. Zim leaned forward. "Wait. They probably have agents watching the base in person."
1602
1603Minimoose nodded and squeaked again.
1604
1605Zim's eyes went wide. "You can? Well- then do it! Go, Minimoose!" Zim shook his fist in the air. "DEFEND OUR FORTRESS!"
1606
1607Minimoose squeaked and flitted for the door. Zim settled into the couch cushions, smiling slightly. Well, there was one complication gone, that was good. It would probably take the little robot at least an hour to get everything cleared out, though, and in the meantime Zim was stuck here.
1608
1609There was no point in sabotaging Dib. Dib wasn't going to be a problem anymore. He didn't want to go near Gaz. He glanced over at GIR.
1610
1611GIR was loud, annoying, and unlikely to be helpful. Zim turned on the TV instead. He could squeeze in a little Earth research. He turned the channel to the news.
1612
1613Oh right- Earth news was incredibly boring, stupid, and obnoxious. Zim yawned and turned it off.
1614
1615The couch felt nice and warm from his body heat. He shut his eyes just for a moment. The house was very quiet. Zim wasn't used to this level of silence. GIR was usually running around somewhere nearby being loud. Maybe Zim should consider shutting the little SIR off himself once in a while.
1616
1617He sat there motionless a little while more, then got up and went straight for the door that led to Dib's father's laboratory.
1618
1619The door opened easily at his touch, revealing a dark, narrow staircase. Zim headed down it.
1620
1621The staircase led to an empty hallway- or at least, it looked empty; only the middle of it was lit (with bright, hanging florescent lights), and the sides were hidden in shadow.
1622
1623Zim kept strictly to the lighted area, moving with clipped military purpose. He glanced into the shadows a couple times but could see nothing of interest. The floor was concrete, and the hall had a damp, chill feeling. Zim had the vague impression that there was something hidden in the shadowed areas that he wouldn't like to see, but it wasn't something important and he didn't have to subject himself to it.
1624
1625The hall ended at a bare metal door. He opened it and walked through. He shook his head. He was in that stupid state fair his class at skool had gone to last year, only now it was inside, for some reason, and looked smaller and even dirtier. The floor was still concrete, and the ceiling was metal ductwork with hanging light bulbs. The rides had been huge spinny things and roller coasters before but now there were nothing but scattered bounce-houses. All of them full of children, of course.
1626
1627Zim lowered his head and headed straight through the fair. He passed several of the children from his class. They glanced at him as he walked by but said nothing- they were too preoccupied in their stupid amusements. They were all eating things- hot dogs, cotton candy, pizza. It all smelled disgusting.
1628
1629There was another door on the other end of the fair. Zim headed through it and found another hallway- this one was big and dark. There was a door at the far end of it. A human who worked at the fair walked through the door. It opened to reveal red light behind it, and then swung shut very, very slowly. The fair-worker human brushed by Zim without paying any attention to him.
1630
1631Zim sighed to himself. He didn't want to see whatever was behind that door, but he knew he would have to report on it to the Tallest. He went through the door.
1632
1633He was now in a small room that was bathed in red light and had narrow catwalks all along the walls. There was a big, black creature in the middle of the room. It was chained to the wall with a thick, iron chain. It was curled up, sleeping.
1634
1635Then it saw Zim, and it got to its feet. It was a hairy creature, a quadruped, very black, with dull pink eyes and a huge mouth filled with gigantic, sharp teeth.
1636
1637It came towards Zim. It moved very, very slowly, but Zim knew he couldn't get away, even though the door was right behind him, because he couldn't move at all. He tried to lift his feet, but nothing happened.
1638
1639The monster pressed Zim to the floor with one massive paw and held him there. The pressure was suffocating him. He gasped for breath.
1640
1641The monster started to bat him around, like a cat playing with a toy. Then it pounced on him with both paws and pushed him right through the floor.
1642
1643He fell a few feet, then landed heavily on something extremely foul-smelling. He looked around and saw he was sitting on a heap of garbage. He looked past the garbage and saw part of the deck of a ship- and past that, rolling ocean waves. He was on a garbage barge.
1644
1645Zim looked behind him and saw that first test subject from the white building sitting near him in the garbage- this must be what the people from the white building did with their subjects were no longer useful, ship them out with the garbage. How efficient.
1646
1647The test subject looked at Zim with suffering, pleading eyes and said "Nooooooohhhh," in a low, lilting voice.
1648
1649Zim looked over to his side and saw two other test subjects, little more than heaps of rotting, bleeding flesh- but he recognized them as having once been Dib and Gaz.
1650
1651"Noooohhh," the original test subject said, and Zim knew that it was saying that Zim had been tainted by the humans in the white building and soon he would be a test subject, too. He nodded in acknowledgement.
1652
1653Something reached up through the garbage. It grabbed Zim's ankle and pulled him down through the trash. He landed in a small, wooden room. Probably inside the ship.
1654
1655There was a dog standing over Zim. It had its paws on Zim's shoulders, and was shaking him. "Hey!" it said in Dib's voice. "Hey! Quit messing around! I don't know what game you're playing, but stop it!"
1656
1657The words were accusatory, but the tone was frightened. "I mean it! Zim! Wake up! I'm not kidding! Okay, I'm going to count to three and if you don't wake up, I'm calling the CIA! I mean it!"
1658
1659This was all very silly, a dog could not call the CIA. Maybe if Zim ignored it and its obnoxious habit of using Dib's nasal, grating voice, it would go away.
1660
1661The dog slapped him sharply across the face. For a moment, it seemed that the dog was Dib, only he was very far away. Very, very far away. Then the impression was gone, but it seemed entirely logical that the dog could communicate with Dib. Pass a message on to him. After all, it had taken Dib's voice.
1662
1663"Not my fault," Zim told it. It seemed suddenly very difficult to talk, as if his mouth was full of mud, or something. "I told you…" What had he told Dib? "I told you not to go."
1664
1665"What?"
1666
1667For a moment he could actually see Dib, but he was like… floating in this weird black haze. That was so typical. Dib had to make everything difficult.
1668
1669"I told you," Zim said again. He tried to turn over- he was so uncomfortable, everything felt so sore. But he couldn't move. "Dib, you never…"
1670
1671It seemed pointless, suddenly, all this talking, it was difficult and tiring and Dib was already as good as dead, so why bother?
1672
1673"Zim?" Now the dog was whacking on Zim's chest for some reason. It was painful and awkward. "Do you even have a pulse when you're alive? I don't know- are you breathing? Are- you better be. Zim, you had better be breathing or I'll throw you in Gaz's room. I mean it."
1674
1675The dog was shaking him. Its voice was hysterical and nasty and frightened at the same time. Zim was sick of this whole thing. He wished the dog would stop bothering him and go away.
1676
1677"And then I'll get the hose and spray you! ZIM!"
1678
1679"Go away…"
1680
1681"But this is my _house!_ Come on!"
1682
1683Zim decided that he no longer cared. Minimoose would be back any minute, and he'd take care of everything. He let everything fade away.
1684
1685
1686	6. Laserblast
1687
1688Peter studied the monitors in silence. He had finally gotten into the Irken Empire's systems.
1689
1690He ran his fingers through his thinning hair. His gigantic mistake stared him in the face from every screen. This was not an Invader- the Irken designated 'Zim' was a delusional exile, the bane of the Empire's existence, and everything in its files indicated that its behavior was completely unpredictable.
1691
1692Well, in a way, this just made things easier. Peter reached for his control panel and turned on the radio. "4-8-9-2," he called, "have you found the Irken yet?"
1693
1694"No," the reply crackled over the speaker. "However, one of its robots came back to the base. We have it in custody."
1695
1696That was good, they could scan the robot's brain chip for information. "I have a change in your orders. You are hereby authorized to kill the Irken if it makes too much trouble- however, I still want it alive if feasible."
1697
1698"Yes, sir."
1699
1700Peter ended the call and settled back in his chair. There was now no need to play nice. The Tallest wouldn't take kindly to the murder of one of their elite agents, but it sounded like they would be only too happy to get rid of Zim.
1701
1702A light lit up on the control panel. Someone calling him; probably the collection agent with a question. He pressed a button.
1703
1704"Sir?" It was that dizzy woman at the front desk. "There was a teenage boy here, asking about the space flier. I sent him home."
1705
1706"You did _what?"_
1707
1708The woman stammered. "He- he was too young for our project."
1709
1710"You're not authorized to make that classification," Peter told her. "You are to send everyone who comes through the door into an examination room. What was his name, where did he get the flier, did he tell anyone about it?"
1711
1712"I- don't… know."
1713
1714"You didn't even get the name?"
1715
1716"Well, n-"
1717
1718Peter terminated the call and pulled up the security footage. He'd have to find the information himself with facial-recognition and the Internet. He was also going to need to seriously reconsider his choice of receptionist.
1719
1720* * *
1721
1722Zim shuddered and opened his eyes. He felt hot and sticky. He sat up, shaking his head. He felt really funny- all slow and groggy. He wasn't in the living room anymore- he was in Dib's room.
1723
1724He rubbed the back of his neck, groaning. Dib was sitting at his computer, typing furiously. He whipped around when Zim made noise, his eyes wide.
1725
1726"You're awake?" he said.
1727
1728Zim squinted at him. "Why wouldn't I be awake?" he mumbled. "What are you typing?" He noticed his clothes were disheveled, and he felt sore through the neck and shoulders. "What did you do?" There was a huge bruise on his forehead. He felt of it, and eyed Dib suspiciously.
1729
1730"You fell off my couch," Dib said. "I didn't do that."
1731
1732Zim huffed. "Why would I fall off your _couch?"_
1733
1734"I don't know," Dib said. He moved his body so as to get between Zim and his computer screen. Hmm. Zim craned his neck to see the screen. Dib appeared to be writing an email. Zim squinted.
1735
1736_Agent Darkbooty, I have the Spider in my possession, unconscious. If it's convenient I'll just go ahead and bring him into the Swo_
1737
1738Zim had apparently woken up before Dib could continue past that point.
1739
1740Zim bared his teeth and let out a long, loud hiss. Dib folded his arms over his chest. "What would you expect, Zim? I mean, really."
1741
1742"Why am I on your bed?" Zim demanded. He'd been in the living room just a moment ago. Dib must have knocked him out. Typical. Typical stupid, smelly Dib. "And why aren't you _dead?"_
1743
1744Dib blinked, then scowled. "There's nothing in the building."
1745
1746Zim wriggled around. Dib had dumped him on the bed in a rather tangled, careless position and now he felt stiff in various places. "What are you talking about?"
1747
1748"Your 'white building'. I went there. Nothing happened. The receptionist asked me a few questions, told me I was too young to go into space, gave me a piece of candy and sent me home. That was it."
1749
1750Zim's jaw dropped. He sputtered for words, then cursed out loud in Vortian. "You- _human!" _he squeaked, his hands balling into fists. "They don't have their specimens _sitting right inside the front door! _I thought you knew how to spy on people!"
1751
1752"Well, I did look ar-" Dib started to say. Zim cut him off.
1753
1754"'The desk lady gave me candy'!" he mocked, waving his hands around. "What is _wrong _with you? IRK! I should have just sent _GIR!_"
1755
1756"Well I-"
1757
1758"I hope that's death candy! That makes you dead!"
1759
1760"I-"
1761
1762Zim pounded one fist into the top of Dib's bed. "SILENCE! I want you to sit there until you understand the extent of your _incompetence! _You failed, Dib! You utterly _failed! _I trusted you and you failed!"
1763
1764"You _trusted _me?"
1765
1766"OF COURSE I DIDN'T!" Zim screamed hoarsely. "I NEVER TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID AND ALWAYS _FAIL!" _He yanked on both antennae (the one that had been shot off had already grown back around three-quarters of the way). "HOW CAN YOU _BE _SO STUPID? HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID AND NOT BE _DEAD?"_
1767
1768"Will you calm d-"
1769
1770"'DURR! I'M DIB!'" Zim waved his hands frantically around in the air. "'I WALK IN FRONT OF BUSES BECAUSE I'M DIIIB! I'M STUUUPID! DURR!"
1771
1772Dib blinked at him. "That doesn't sound _anything _like me."
1773
1774Zim took a deep breath. "I CAN'T _BELIEVE_ HOW _SURROUNDED- BY-"_ Something caught in Zim's chest, and then in his throat, and he started to cough.
1775
1776Dib blinked. Zim continued to cough until his eyes were watering and he was gasping for breath. He flopped over the edge of the bed, wheezing and squeezing his eyes shut.
1777
1778"Are you going to let me talk now?" Dib said.
1779
1780Zim stuck his lower lip out. "No."
1781
1782"Good, because-"
1783
1784Zim curled up, flattening his antennae to his head with his hands. "I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING TO DIB!" he rasped. "BECAUSE HE'S STUPID AND STINKY!"
1785
1786Dib turned back to his computer. "All right, I'll talk to you when you're done being five."
1787
1788"I'M NOT LISTENING TO THE FLAPPY DIB NOISES!"
1789
1790"Good for you."
1791
1792"I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO DIB! HE'S AWFUL!"
1793
1794"Okay, that's fine."
1795
1796Dib started typing. Zim fell silent. There was a dangerous tickle in his throat, like he was going to cough again if he kept yelling.
1797
1798Dib clicked around with his mouse. Zim gagged and clapped a hand over his mouth. He felt dizzy.
1799
1800Dib spun around in his chair. "Oh geez not on my bed don't you dare-"
1801
1802"It's- it's just the stink in here. Maybe if you bathed more often." Zim put his head down on the comforter and shut his eyes, making an attempt to look bored and nonchalant instead of light-headed and queasy.
1803
1804"Well, if you throw up in my room, I'm going to kill you, ya know," Dib was saying.
1805
1806"I'm fine."
1807
1808"You better be."
1809
1810"Did you have something to say to me, or were you just interrupting me for fun?" Zim asked, priding himself on how deftly and subtly he'd changed the subject.
1811
1812Dib rolled his eyes. He leaned back into his chair. "I couldn't get any farther into the building than the front desk," he said, "because there were no doors anywhere, and also, I didn't know what I was looking for because some stupid alien came into my house, flailed around, and gave me no real information whatsoever. Also, you know what?"
1813
1814"What?" Zim snapped.
1815
1816Dib folded his arms over his chest. "You were delirious when I came back."
1817
1818Zim frowned. "What?"
1819
1820"Delirious. Crazy. Feverish, unresponsive, babbling nonsense. I mean, making even less sense than you usually do. You thought I was a dog."
1821
1822"What?"
1823
1824"You kept saying 'go away doggie'. Over and over. It was- you know, it's not important. You know what? I think you hallucinated the whole thing with the building."
1825
1826Zim stared at him. At first, what Dib was saying seemed like complete nonsense, but then something clicked. Zim smacked himself in the forehead. "You interrupted my repair cycle!"
1827
1828Dib frowned. "Your what?"
1829
1830"My Pak- oh, come on! I'm not going to tell you! But it's perfectly normal and the only reason I acted funny is because _you, _Dib-" Zim accentuated this with an accusing point- "-tried to wake me up before I was ready. It was _your own _fault. There is _nothing _wrong with me."
1831
1832Dib was quiet for a moment, looking thoughtful. Then he said: "Okay. Say the alphabet backwards."
1833
1834"What?" The alphabet? What on Irk? What did that have to do with anything? "If either of us is delirious it's _you."_
1835
1836"It's something humans do. You wouldn't know how."
1837
1838Zim wasn't going to stand for that, of course. "Z, Y, X," he said. "W…" He frowned. "W… uh… 3, 4- Y, V-" He chewed on his lower lip. "Uhhhh… U, T, I, A, M, Z, I-"
1839
1840"Okay, okay, stop," Dib said. "Do you know how to say it forwards?"
1841
1842"Of course I do!" Zim scoffed. These humans and their rituals. "A, B, C… D… 3, F, G, H… 9, 8, K… L, Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T-"
1843
1844Dib was trying not to laugh. "What?" Zim demanded. "What's your problem?"
1845
1846"Never mind. That was- that was the most superior recitation of the alphabet I've ever heard. You've- you've put my whole race to shame," Dib sputtered, and put his hands over his mouth.
1847
1848Zim's eyes narrowed.
1849
1850"Now, uh, get up and walk a straight line," Dib said. "Just to keep proving your, uh- alien ego stuff. Go on."
1851
1852Zim looked down at the floor. It looked kinda far away-
1853
1854"Of course," he said, and slipped off the edge of the bed, standing upright. The room spun. He shut his eyes for a moment. Everything went fuzzy and gray for a moment, then cleared. He carefully walked a few feet in a straight line, then turned around, walked back to the bed- also in a straight line- and sat back down on the bed. "Satisfied?"
1855
1856"Uh- not quite, how about counting to ten?"
1857
1858"One, two, ten. There!"
1859
1860Dib raised an eyebrow. "Okay." He turned back to his computer. "Well, you know what? None of my sources have heard _anything _about anyone doing experiments on people, or anything about this building. You're my only source, and you're kind of a crazy idiot, and right now you're in even less of your right mind than usual. So, basically, I don't believe you."
1861
1862Zim rubbed his temples. Infuriating human…
1863
1864"I don't care, Dib. I don't need you. Just don't get in my way." He shut his eyes. His head was pounding and he was _freezing. _Maybe he _was _a little under the weather… what horrible timing. It was probably something exhaled by those _stupid _schoolchildren he had to see every week. Human children were walking petri dishes, full of 'colds' and 'floozys' and-
1865
1866"You have no supporting evidence, you're a slimy liar, and you want me dead, so I don't believe you at all."
1867
1868-and pinkeye. Heh, good old pinkeye, that one had saved his skin more than once… did pinkeye make your head hurt? Because his contracting pinkeye would be pretty ironic.
1869
1870"Also, guess what, huh? I think you're crazy. How's it feel, Zim?"
1871
1872Getting a skin condition would be ironic too, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong with his skin. Anyway, why had Dib made him recite the alphabet? Just for the heck of it?
1873
1874"How does it feel to not be believed and have people think you're crazy?"
1875
1876Why had Minimoose thought coming here was a good idea? Dib was so stupid and annoying and his sister was creepy and annoying. Plus, it smelled bad in here."HOW DOES IT FEEL? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JERK ALL THE TIME, ZIM?"
1877
1878Where _was _Minimoose, anyway? Zim had sent him out forever agOH DEAR IRK, HE'D BEEN IN THE BIOHAZARD ROOM WITHOUT HIS BREATHING SHIELD ON! HE'D TAKEN IT OFF AND FORGOTTEN TO PUT IT BACK ON!
1879
1880Zim jumped off the bed and ran out of Dib's room. The bathroom was a little way down the hall. Zim darted into it and climbed onto the sink, ripping open the medicine cabinet and rummaging inside it. He was dimly aware of Dib standing in the door and staring at him, slack-jawed.
1881
1882Here was the thermometer. Zim grabbed it and stuck it in his mouth, then starting looking through the little bottles of medicine. Cough syrup, no, acetaminophen, no, ibuprofen, aspirin, no no no no-
1883
1884"If I ask you what you're doing," Dib was saying, "will you just-"
1885
1886"Streptomycin," Zim said. It wound up kind of muffled around the thermometer- "ftreptomythin".
1887
1888"What?"
1889
1890"Penithillin- ftreptomythin-" He took the thermometer out. "Antibiotics! Do you have them?" He replaced the thermometer.
1891
1892"I… my dad might have some in his lab," Dib said. "But wait! First off, why should I help you? Second off, how do you know it's not a virus?"
1893
1894Virus. Like Ebola virus. Zim quickly ran through the symptoms he'd seen in the test subjects. Bleeding- weird lumps- deformities, decaying- ugh, all of those things could be caused by chemicals or poisons as well, or something bioengineered, or- all sorts of things. Antibiotics couldn't hurt, though, right? He wasn't sure. Disease had been mostly eradicated in the Irken Empire. He'd never actually contracted something airborne before- he'd had a few cases of food poisoning and a million and one allergies but that was it.
1895
1896He took the thermometer out and looked at it. The reading was disheartening.
1897
1898"You probably just have the flu," Dib was saying. "Or something like that. I can do a blood test on you, if you want."
1899
1900Blood test. Oh sure, he'd just hand his worst enemy a vial of his blood to be examined and experimented with and shown to the FBI and the CIA and the-
1901
1902Something lurched inside of him and he doubled over, retching into the sink.
1903
1904Dib pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yuck…" he said, in a long-suffering tone.
1905
1906Zim slipped off the sink onto the floor, panting.
1907
1908"You know what?" Dib said. "Maybe you should go back to your base and be sick _there."_
1909
1910"I _can't_ go home, you stupid thing," Zim said. "They'll _kill _me." He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "They'll kidnap me again and put me in a tube like the others-"
1911
1912"Wha- _again? _You were _kidnapped _now?_"_
1913
1914Zim coughed a few times. "It's the plague," he said with absolute certainty. "Pneumonic plague. Dib, I want you to know I hate you."
1915
1916Dib sighed and ran the water in the sink to clean it out.
1917
1918"The base is set to self-destruct in the event of my death, by the way." He coughed again. "Oh, and pneumonic plague is highly contagious."
1919
1920"Whatever, Zim."
1921
1922Zim shut his eyes and leaned against the wall. He was trembling. They'd gotten him after all, then, he'd escaped their guns and their scalpels and their cold table and their goggles and masks just to be felled by their filthy _microbes. _Oh cruel fate. And the Tallest would never even know what had happened to him.
1923
1924He sniffled. His eyes flew open- Dib was poking him in the arm. Zim recoiled. "Stop that! Leave me alone! I have to…"
1925
1926Had to what? He couldn't go home, and he couldn't leave the planet because his ship was at the base.
1927
1928For a long moment, Dib just stood there, looming over Zim like some grotesque angel of death.
1929
1930"Why aren't you going away?" Zim asked.
1931
1932"Well, this is my house, Zim. Anyway, if you really do have the plague, I might be able to get you those antibiotics," Dib said. "But I'll need to do a test on you to make sure you have it first."
1933
1934Zim scoffed. "As if I'd let you do tests and stuff on me."
1935
1936Dib shrugged. "Okay, I'll wait for you to be done dying and take my samples then, if you want."
1937
1938Zim's antennae stood straight up. Dib grinned nastily and nodded.
1939
1940Zim swallowed. There seemed to be only one course of action. "All right. Fine. Do your tests." He made a fist. "But if you try anything on me, I'm still fully capable of making you _suffer!"_
1941
1942"Sure. Right. Of course you are. Come on."
1943
1944* * *
1945
1946So, now he had Zim sitting on the counter in his dad's lab, next to the medical analysis machine. Dib had many not-so-fond memories of being on that counter while his dad diagnosed him with colds… food poisoning from McDonald's… chicken pox… Dib had never seen an actual pediatrician in his life.
1947
1948Now, he turned on the machine, took Zim by the wrist, pulled off his glove and stuck his pale green hand into a slot on the side of the machine. He noticed Zim had a few scars on the back of his hand and in the heel of his thumb. Maybe he'd slipped and cut himself while working with sharp lab tools. Zim was incompetent like that.
1949
1950The little alien sat hunched over and shivering. He was clearly frightened but trying not to look frightened. "This thing better not do anything funny," he said.
1951
1952"It won't as long as you sit still and don't freak out," Dib said. He pulled up the main screen on the machine and clicked the 'test' icon. The machine started to hum. Zim yelped and started trying to pull his hand out. The device caused an unpleasant tingling sensation. Dib had forgotten to warn Zim about that. Oopsy.
1953
1954"Hey, don't do that, you might lose your hand," Dib said. This was a lie. All Zim would accomplish by yanking his hand out would be to mess up the test and need to start over.
1955
1956Zim was sweating bullets. "What!"
1957
1958"Yep!"
1959
1960"You stinking human!"
1961
1962"Oh, just sit still, you'll be fine." Dib watched the screen.
1963
1964The machine chimed merrily as the scan completed. Dib scanned the readout. He rolled his eyes. "It's just the flu, Zim. You're not going to-"
1965
1966"INFLUENZA?" Zim screamed.
1967
1968"Yes! Man! That was right in my ear!"
1969
1970Zim was panting and pale. "INFLUENZA VIRUS? BUT-" He did that frightened-gasp thing he did- it caught in his throat and made him cough. Dib recoiled. He had no interest in catching the flu.
1971
1972"Calm down!" he snapped. "You're not gonna die, okay? Flu doesn't kill people."
1973
1974"What are you talking about? Of course it kills people!" Zim spat. He squirmed. "It kills people all the time! Don't you remember that time in class? Or are you too stupid and filthy to remember your own human education?"
1975
1976Dib's eyebrows furrowed. "What time in- oh, right!" That lecture Miss Bitters had given about the 1918 flu virus. It had been pretty graphic, he was surprised he didn't remember it better- although, when he thought about it, _all _of Miss Bitters' lectures had been graphic. "Huh." He was surprised Zim remembered. He was never sure how much attention the alien paid in class. "Well, you don't seem all _that _sick to me," Dib said. He was relieved- not because he'd been worried about Zim, of course, but because he'd been worried about Zim being infected with some kind of alien disease that could spread into Earth's population and cause an epidemic. He looked back at the reading. It didn't indicate anything seriously wrong- infection with influenza virus, of course, along with minor dehydration. Of course, the machine wasn't that in-depth and it was probably a bit thrown off by Zim's inhuman anatomy, but he was lucid and not having trouble breathing, so he was probably fine. "Is there any particular reason why you think you're dying?"
1977
1978"You haven't been paying attention, have you, Dib? The-"
1979
1980"Oh, right, the building and the experiments and the…" Dib shook his head. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's flu season, you know." Zim folded his arms over his chest and looked mulish. "Seriously. You probably got it from skool."
1981
1982Zim surveyed Dib for a moment through narrow eyes. Then he sighed. "You really don't believe me about the building?"
1983
1984"Nope," Dib said, with more emphasis than he really felt. In truth, there _had _been something a little suspicious about the white place, but the irony here was just too sweet to pass up. "In fact, I think you're crazy!"
1985
1986"Fine!" Zim slipped off the counter to stand- somewhat unsteadily- on his own feet. "I don't need you. I'll just…" He trailed off. "I'll just, just force you to help me anyway!"
1987
1988Dib raised an eyebrow. "Okay. How?"
1989
1990"By, uh… by holding Gaz hostage!"
1991
1992Dib burst out laughing. Zim hissed.
1993
1994Dib laughed until tears came to his eyes. He took his glasses off and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I needed that, Zim."
1995
1996"Or maybe I'll just leave!" Zim snapped.
1997
1998"Right. Right. Go home to your base."
1999
2000"I'll do that," said Zim, and started looking around.
2001
2002"The stairs are that way," Dib told him.
2003
2004"I know where the stairs are!" Zim spat.
2005
2006Dib followed him up the stairs. The effort of climbing them made Zim cough a lot and look pale, sweaty and dismal. He didn't complain, however. He probably was hoping Dib hadn't noticed.
2007
2008They got to the ground level of the house and Zim went into the living room. He stood there a minute, looking lost, and then he sat down on the couch.
2009
2010Dib watched him. Zim glared at him. "What?"
2011
2012"I thought you were going to leave."
2013
2014"In a minute," Zim muttered, shifting his position on the couch.
2015
2016Hmm, interesting. Zim was clearly genuinely afraid to return to his base. "So these 'white building' people. You haven't explained why you're so scared of them. You think they're going to dissect you?" Because if so, well, come on, _Dib _was planning to do that, and had been for some time, and Zim didn't freak out like this on Dib's account. What, was Dib not a 'threat' anymore?
2017
2018"I'm not afraid of them. And they've shown no interest in dissecting me." Zim looked longingly towards the window. "And I'm not telling you anything. You don't believe me, remember?"
2019
2020Maybe Dib had shot himself in the foot, so to speak.
2021
2022"You're not man enough to try to convince me?"
2023
2024"I see no reason to waste my breath on you," Zim said, making a show of picking one of those gross crusty things out of the corner of his eye and flicking it onto Dib's carpet. Yecch.
2025
2026Dib leaned against the wall. "Okay. Are you going to give me a reason why you're just sitting on my couch doing nothing?"
2027
2028Zim glanced at the window again. "No."
2029
2030Dib raised an eyebrow. "I see." Curious.
2031
2032He heard rattling noises from the kitchen. Gaz was making lunch. She would not wait for Dib to show up before she ate everything or put the leftovers in the fridge. He inched over to the doorway and glanced in. She was making macaroni and cheese.
2033
2034Dib was hungry. Zim hadn't been any trouble so far, and seemed too lethargic to start now. Dib slipped into the kitchen and sat down at the table, orienting himself so that he could see through the doorway into the living room. He could just barely see the tips of Zim's antennae sticking up over the arm of the-
2035
2036His antennae. How had he lost part of one antenna? Dib smacked himself in the forehead. Why hadn't he thought to ask that?
2037
2038Well, because Zim was always accidentally mutilating himself doing some experiment or other. He was pathetic that way. It wasn't the first time he'd lost part of an antenna. _Still _Dib was an investigator. Investigators left no stone unturned. How could he have been so careless?
2039
2040He watched Zim get up and go to the window, looking out. Hmm…
2041
2042Gaz was taking the pot of macaroni off the stove and dumping it in the strainer. He waited while she dumped it back into the pot, added the cheese and took some out into a bowl for herself, then he got up and got his own serving. He sat down across the table from Gaz.
2043
2044"So I see you didn't disappear," Gaz said.
2045
2046"What?" Dib blinked. "Of course not. Why would I disappear?"
2047
2048Gaz raised an eyebrow. "Zim said you were going off to die. I guess he was wrong."
2049
2050Dib snorted. "Yeah, he was wrong. He's always wrong."
2051
2052"Hm." Gaz resumed eating. So did Dib.
2053
2054Dib could see Zim pacing back and forth in the living room. He heard the alien muttering and coughing (unpleasant, wet, barking coughs). He saw Zim extend a microphone from his Pak and say something into it too low for Dib to hear. Zim shook his head, apparently not receiving a response, and went back to the window.
2055
2056"That's the radio he calls his robots with," Dib muttered. "Why's he calling them? What's he want with them?"
2057
2058Ignoring him, Gaz stood up, tossed her empty bowl into the sink, and left the room. Dib slowly finished watching his macaroni and cheese, keeping an eye on Zim the whole time.
2059
2060The Irken suddenly pulled away from the window, yelping. He turned and scurried into the kitchen. He grabbed Dib's shirt. Dib pulled away. "Hey! Let go!"
2061
2062Zim was panting, his eyes wild. "You told them! You told them I'm here! You betrayed me, you _stupid, filthy-"_
2063
2064Someone was knocking on the door. Zim turned his head in that direction and froze. He looked deathly pale.
2065
2066Before Dib had a chance to inquire further, Zim shoved him aside and dashed a few feet farther into the kitchen. He froze, looking all around him, and then he pulled open the oven and climbed into it, shutting the door behind him.
2067
2068"Hey!" Dib tugged on the over door. Zim was holding it shut. "You can't go in there! For crying out loud, we make our food in there! You'll slime it up with your alien-"
2069
2070"SILENCE!"
2071
2072Whoever was at the door was knocking again. Dib sighed. That could be the chupacabra, in which case, if Dib didn't fend it off, it might break the door down and make a mess in the living room.
2073
2074Dib looked from the oven, to the door, then the oven, then he sighed again, headed for the door and opened it. There were two human men standing there, a little scrawny guy with brown hair and a big, beefy dude with a blond crew cut.
2075
2076"Hello," the guy with brown hair said. "Dib Membrane, right?"
2077
2078Dib was naturally wary of anyone who knew his name without his telling it to them. "Why?"
2079
2080The guy bobbed a short bow. "Ah, sorry for not introducing myself. Robert Greaves, from the General Laboratory Corporation." At first this name held no meaning whatsoever for Dib, but then he remembered. Duh, the place had a real name, it wasn't just 'the white building'. "Ah," Dib said. Well, that would be why Zim had freaked out. He must have seen their car pull up.
2081
2082He glanced over at the other guy. The other guy sure looked beefy. "Is there a… reason for this visit?"
2083
2084"That's George," said Greaves. "He wouldn't hurt a fly. We're here because…" He looked over his shoulder, then leaned in close. "We need your help, Dib."
2085
2086Dib's eyebrows shot up. "Really." He tried to remember if anyone asking for his help had ever turned out not to have an ulterior motive.
2087
2088"Yeah. This is somewhat sensitive. May we come inside?"
2089
2090Dib was getting kind of cold standing here with the door open. Snow was blowing inside. He backed up, letting them in. Really, there wasn't any true danger here. Gaz could easily kick both of these guys' butts if he hollered that they'd taken her old Gameslave 1.
2091
2092"Thank you," Greaves said. He looked around the room. He noticed the kitchen table through the doorway. "How about we sit around the table and discuss it?"
2093
2094Dib shrugged. "Sure." He led the two guys into the kitchen.
2095
2096There was a scuffling noise from inside the oven.
2097
2098"What was that?" Greaves asked.
2099
2100Dib shrugged half-heartedly. There was something about Greaves that he didn't like. He wasn't going to betray his longtime nemesis to this guy. Not yet, anyway. "There's a squirrel stuck in our air vents."
2101
2102"Ah," Greaves said. He and the beefy guy sat down at the table. "Dib, have you seen this boy?"
2103
2104He slid a picture across the table. It was Zim's yearbook picture.
2105
2106"We're in the same class in hi-skool," Dib said. "Why?"
2107
2108There were more scuffling sounds from the oven. Greaves turned his head, then seemingly dismissed the noise, turning back to Dib. "Well," he said, "we have some… suspicions about him. Have you ever seen him acting strangely?"
2109
2110"As in?"
2111
2112Greaves glanced over each shoulder, swallowed, and said: "We're not entirely sure he's… human."
2113
2114"Really." Dib reminded himself what had happened the last time someone had believed him about Zim. He wasn't about to get excited. "I'm not sure either."
2115
2116"This is a very serious matter, Dib. Our whole planet could be at stake."
2117
2118Dib chuckled. "Oh, you have no idea."
2119
2120"Which is why we need your help." Greaves leaned in close. "We've lost the alien's location. Where is he? Do you know?"
2121
2122Dib opened his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of huge, alien eyes staring at him through the door in the oven. "He's not in his base?" he said.
2123
2124"Where is his base?" Dib gave the address. Greaves wrote it down. "Does he have any other hiding places that you know of?"
2125
2126"He has a station in orbit around the Earth."
2127
2128Greaves nodded. "Hmm. I see. We have other questions for you, Dib, but to be honest, I'm not sure about how secure this house is. Maybe we should continue this at company headquarters."
2129
2130Aha, they were trying to get him into their building. Dib considered this. Maybe if he went along with it, he could learn something. "Sure, okay."
2131
2132Greaves nodded, smirking slightly. He got to his feet. So did Dib and the beefy guy. "Good idea. All right, then, let's-"
2133
2134The oven door slammed open. Zim was now standing on the open oven door and pointing a little laser gun at the bodyguard guy. His teeth were bared. "Stop where you are!"
2135
2136Greaves froze. "What are you _doing?" _Dib cried. "Put that aw-"
2137
2138There was a gunshot- the beefy guy had fired. Zim fell backwards into the oven. Greaves grabbed Dib tightly by the shoulders.
2139
2140Zim popped back up and shot at the beefy guy. The beefy guy crumpled in a heap. Zim pointed the gun at Greaves. He was panting and his eyes were wild. He clapped a hand over his mouth, suppressing a cough.
2141
2142Greaves let go of Dib and backed away.
2143
2144"Stay where you are," Zim panted. "Stay where- _no!"_
2145
2146Greaves had bolted into the living room. He threw open the front door and ran out of the house.
2147
2148Dib stared at the beefy guy, who was lying in a limp heap on the floor. Zim sighed, shook his head, lowered the gun, hopped down onto the floor and walked over to him. He prodded the guy with the toe of one boot, then leaned down and brushed him with his antennae. He stood up. "Ahhh, he's not dead." He rubbed his temples with one hand, still clutching the gun with the other. "Great job, _Dib. _You almost- oh, I don't care. Why are you just standing there? He's not going to stay stunned _forever! _Get something to tie him up! Do I have to do _everything?_"
2149
2150"I saw that guy shoot you in the head," Dib said.
2151
2152Zim frowned. "What? Oh." He reached up and touched something on his Pak. Something circular shimmered over his face and disappeared. "Shield," he said. _"Now go get a rope!" _
2153
2154Dib nodded and headed out of the room. Immediately after he'd entered the living room, he realized that he was doing what Zim told him to do, and doing what Zim told him to do was a stupid idea.
2155
2156But tying that guy up sounded like a _good _idea. Ah well.
2157
2158Dib went up to his room and got his new super-restraint system. He went back to the kitchen to find Zim sitting in a chair with his arms folded over his chest, facing the unconscious bodyguard man.
2159
2160Dib knelt down and bundled the guy up in metal bands. He stood up and backed away. Now what?
2161
2162He glanced over at Zim.
2163
2164"That took you long enough," Zim spat. His skin had turned alarmingly gray. "We don't have much time, you know. They'll be back to rescue him and kill us any minute. If he doesn't wake up fast enough we'll have to leave him…"
2165
2166"I see," Dib said. "What were you thinking?"
2167
2168"Eh?" Zim dug his knuckles into the corner of his eye. "Who, Zim?"
2169
2170"Yes, you! I had everything under control. Then you popped out with your gun and scared off that other guy, to go get the other guys. He probably knew a lot more than this guy, too."
2171
2172Zim scoffed. Dib waited for a rant. None came.
2173
2174"Well?" Dib prompted.
2175
2176"You were about to let them destroy _you_ and then move on to _me."_
2177
2178"That's what you said last time. I don't feel destroyed."
2179
2180"Hm," Zim said, surveying him with a dull gaze. He coughed into his fist. His coughing was _so unpleasant,_ racking and moist and retched up from somewhere deep in his chest. Listening to it made Dib want to clear his throat. "Whatever."
2181
2182Dib rolled his eyes. Stupid alien.
2183
2184The guy on the floor was coming to. Dib backed away.
2185
2186The guy picked up his head. His eyes rolled around in his sockets. He looked around the kitchen, at first seeming not to register what he was seeing. Then he saw Zim. His eyes went wide. "It's really a friggin alien," he said. "I can't believe this. I'm looking at friggin ET." Zim didn't look anything like ET, but okay.
2187
2188Zim said nothing. He was still holding the gun, and now he calmly and deliberately pointed it at the man's forehead. He snapped a switch on the handle of the gun with one thumb. Dib guessed it was the stun/kill switch.
2189
2190"Why don't you let _me _handle this?" Dib asked. Zim said nothing. "Okay, you let me handle this or I grab you and hold you under the faucet."
2191
2192Zim grunted. Dib turned to the thug and said: "Why are you here, huh? What do you want?"
2193
2194The thug pressed his lips together and said nothing.
2195
2196"Come on," Dib said, cautiously going up to him. "What do you guys want from me? Huh? Huh? You wanted to use me to get to him, right?"
2197
2198No answer.
2199
2200"Your interrogation skills impress me, Dib," Zim said. "Obviously, you're even better at this than a trained Irken soldier. Why, I should have let you handle this from the beginning, obviously you're much more competent than I am."
2201
2202"Shut up, you stupid alien!"
2203
2204Zim hacked.
2205
2206This made the thug's eyes get big. "What's wrong with it?" he said.
2207
2208"Oh, it's just-" Dib started to say. Then a thought occurred to him and he looked behind him at Zim, who stared dully back. Dib gave him a meaningful look, then turned back to the thug and said: "It's plague. It's super contagious."
2209
2210The thug paled and said a few four-letter words. So he believed that plague was a possibility here. That probably meant that Zim had been telling the truth about the experiments, ergo, Zim had probably been telling the truth the whole time, and Dib had wasted valuable investigation time not believing him.
2211
2212Dib didn't care. It had been worth it to make Zim squirm. Besides, could anyone really have expected him to believe the little psychopath with no proof?
2213
2214Dib folded his arms over his chest. "If you talk, maybe we'll give you the antidote."
2215
2216The thug ground his teeth. "I can't talk."
2217
2218"Sure you can. Start with why you guys wanted me to come to your building with you."
2219
2220No answer.
2221
2222Zim huffed. "We're going to have to torture him." His tone made it sound like he thought this was a colossal nuisance.
2223
2224"No way, Zim, you're not torturing anybody!"
2225
2226"Then what do you want me to do, Dib?" Zim snapped. "He's not _talking, _and we don't have time! That other human went for reinforcements! They'll be here any minute!"
2227
2228That was actually probably true. Dib scowled. "I don't know what we should do, but you're _not_ torturing him! What are you doing? Hey!"
2229
2230Zim had opened one of the kitchen drawers and was going through it. Dib went over and grabbed his shoulders, restraining him.
2231
2232Zim glared up at him. He felt alarmingly hot and sticky to the touch. "Unhand me, you stinking _pig!"_
2233
2234"I'm not letting you torture that man, Zim! Even if he is… big and… kind of gross and… probably evil, and probably withholding valuable information. What were you going to do to him?"
2235
2236"Nothing that will leave a mark," Zim muttered. Dib let him go and he rifled through the drawer, removing a butter knife. A butter knife.
2237
2238Dib laughed shortly. "Do you even know how to torture people?"
2239
2240Zim glanced at him silently, and went over to the man. He bent down, picking up the guy's hand with a metal claw out of his Pak. He studied the struggling thug, his alien eyes narrowed to slits. "Now, will you tell Zim everything you know or will I have to destroy your free will with horrible _pain?"_
2241
2242The thug pressed his lips together and turned his face away. Dib waited for Zim to do something stupid.
2243
2244Zim rammed the end of the butter knife under the guy's thumbnail. The guy made a stifled grunting noise, pressing his lips tightly together. Dib blinked.
2245
2246"There," Zim said. He sounded out of breath. "How about now?"
2247
2248"Whoa, hey," Dib said. Zim rounded on him, pointing the gun at Dib's head. His eyes were wide and desperate.
2249
2250"Shut up, Dib!"
2251
2252Dib shut up.
2253
2254Zim turned back to the thug. His antennae were slicked back, pressed to his scalp. "Tell me what your company is trying to accomplish with the experimentation."
2255
2256The guy said nothing. Zim did the thing with the butter knife again. The guy grunted but said nothing.
2257
2258"Tell me!" Zim demanded. His voice was shrill and thin. "Tell me how you people knew about me! How do they know about the Tallest?"
2259
2260Nothing. Zim bit his lip and rammed the butter knife under the guy's fingernails harder, making him cry out. But he _still _didn't talk. "Come on!" Zim cried. "I know you know stuff! Tell me!"
2261
2262The man's eyes narrowed. He said nothing.
2263
2264Zim stabbed even harder with the knife. The guy cried out again, louder.
2265
2266Zim dropped the butter knife. It landed on the floor with a metallic clatter. Zim gagged and slapped a hand over his mouth. He was shaking.
2267
2268Dib took this opportunity to take the gun away and push Zim back. Dib turned to the thug. "Okay, then," he said. "Talk to us, or, uh, I'll shoot you. Or I'll let him shoot you. He's crazy."
2269
2270"Nothing you can do will make me talk," the thug said. "You pathetic little kids."
2271
2272"All right then," Dib said. He pointed the gun at the guy… oh, come on, he couldn't really shoot this man! This was insane! Stupid Zim! This was all his fault!
2273
2274Zim was clinging to Dib's arm with hot, pointy, clutchy little rodent hands. "Dib, we have to get out of here," he was saying. "They'll be here any minute."
2275
2276"But we didn't even get him to talk yet!" Dib complained.
2277
2278Zim was whimpering and dripping with sweat. Ew. "Dib, we _have to get out of here!" _He gave Dib a feeble shake. "He's obviously not going to talk! They probably installed a chip into his brain that will kill him if he starts to reveal anything. We have to go!"
2279
2280Dib looked up at the thug. "But…"
2281
2282"Now!"
2283
2284The thug smirked ever-so-slightly. Dib's eyebrows rose. "He smirked."
2285
2286"He's thinking of what his superiors are going to do with us! DIB! NOW!" Zim seemed about ready to have a panic attack.
2287
2288Something had certainly seemed very creepy about that smirk, and Dib didn't like the way these people knew where he lived and knew his name without being told. Dib found himself nodding. "Okay, okay. Calm down. We'll take Tak's ship. Hold on, I need to pack some stuff first."
2289
2290He vaulted up the stairs to his room, taking the steps two at a time. He quickly grabbed his laptop case and stuffed some clothes into an overnight bag. He headed into the hallway. He paused for a minute. He felt like he was forgetting something.
2291
2292Ah, it probably wasn't important. He went downstairs. Zim was standing there in the living room, glassy-eyed.
2293
2294"Garage," Dib told him. "This way."
2295
2296He headed for the garage, Zim following. Suddenly Zim stumbled and grabbed Dib's arm. Dib glanced at him.
2297
2298"I'm fine," Zim said. He let go of Dib.
2299
2300They entered the garage and got into the ship. It was a tight fit with both of them. Dib wedged his bags between them to make a kind of wall to protect him from Zim's sharp elbows, then opened the garage door and started the engine.
2301
2302"Wait a minute," Dib said. He smacked himself in the forehead. "We can't just fly around in a spaceship! Someone will see-"
2303
2304Zim reached over and pushed a few buttons on the control panel. The ship made a humming noise.
2305
2306"What did you do?"
2307
2308"Cloaking device."
2309
2310"Oh." Dib swallowed and pulled the ship out of the garage, pulling up into the air. He looked down to see the ground falling away below them- and a white van with 'General Laboratory Corporation' written on the side pulling up to his house.
2311
2312Whoa.
2313
2314
2315	7. Dib Without a Clue
2316
2317Dib looked down below him at the distant sprawl of buildings. He officially had no idea where they were.
2318
2319He would have to eventually pick somewhere and land, it had been two hours. It was kind of stuffy in the cockpit, too- the sun was beaming in through the clear glass dome, and their combined body heat was trapped in the small space. It was making Dib feel somewhat lethargic. Zim was sprawled out with his eyes closed. Dib couldn't tell if he was sleeping, unconscious, or just logy. He coughed every so often, so he wasn't dead.
2320
2321Oh, and every time he coughed he was expelling more flu virus, Dib reminded himself. He could count on contracting the disease himself pretty soon here with all this virus-spraying. Wonderful.
2322
2323Dib leaned back in his seat, sighing. "Zim?" he said, and repeated it, louder, when he got no response.
2324
2325Zim moaned and his eyes fluttered open. "What do you want, _Dib?"_
2326
2327"Where exactly were you planning to go?"
2328
2329"I don't know, it's _your _planet, _you _find somewhere." His tone was petulant.
2330
2331Of course, Dib would be stuck working with Zim when the alien was sick and grumpy and even harder to deal with than usual. That was just Dib's luck.
2332
2333Dib shook his head, looking out at the city below. "Fine, I'll land at a hotel or something."
2334
2335Zim mumbled assent. Dib set the ship to go into a dive. He'd descend to a height where he could see the buildings clearly and find a hotel.
2336
2337* * *
2338
2339Dib landed the ship in the parking lot of a Best Western. He didn't get out right away. "You know, we have a problem," he said.
2340
2341"What?" Zim mumbled. He was sitting with the back of his arm thrown over his face.
2342
2343"You don't have a disguise." Dib ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to stick up even more than it already did. "Normally, this would be a good thing for me." This situation just kept getting more and more frustrating.
2344
2345Zim sat bolt upright, eyes wide. "Oh! Disguise! Yes, disguise! Erm… disguise…" He rubbed his temples, frowning and continuing to mutter 'disguise' over and over.
2346
2347Dib looked out the window, shaking his head. Did he have anything Zim could use for a disguise? It made his blood boil to even consider helping out his enemy in this way. He knew it was necessary, but-
2348
2349Suddenly he noticed the overnight bag he'd packed out of the corner of his eye. It was fairly large. Zim was fairly small.
2350
2351Dib grinned. Zim flattened himself to the side of the ship, as far away from Dib as he could get. "What? What?"
2352
2353* * *
2354
2355So here was Dib, standing in the hotel lobby, carrying his laptop case and a suspiciously jittery overnight bag.
2356
2357The woman behind the front desk looked at him with wide, vacant eyes.
2358
2359"Hey," Dib said, pushing his glasses up on his nose and trying to look 18. "I'd like a single room for the night."
2360
2361The woman stared at him for a good ten or fifteen seconds before saying: "Oh… sure… that should be fine, let me see… yes, we have a room, that'll be… how many people?"
2362
2363"Just me."
2364
2365"Okay. Yes, that will be a hundred dollars for the night."
2366
2367Dib fished out his wallet and handed over the money in cash.
2368
2369The woman stared at the cash for a while. Dib's shoulder was aching from holding the overnight bag. Its weight was shifting back and forth, and it was emitting scrabbling noises.
2370
2371The woman began to slowly count the cash. Then she dug around in a drawer, saying: "Room 315." She handed over a card key.
2372
2373Dib nodded and took the key. His overnight bag coughed. Dib quickly faked a cough.
2374
2375"Lord have mercy on us," the woman said tonelessly, crossing herself.
2376
2377"Uh, thanks," Dib said, heading for the elevator.
2378
2379"Wait," the woman said. Dib looked over his shoulder.
2380
2381"That's the wrong key," the woman said. She held her hand out.
2382
2383Dib went over and gave her the key back. She dropped it back in the drawer and rummaged around.
2384
2385"I can't breathe," Dib's overnight bag said. He shook it to shut it up.
2386
2387The woman didn't seem to have noticed. She withdrew another key, squinting at it to verify its authenticity.
2388
2389Finally, she gave it to Dib. He turned and headed for the elevator.
2390
2391"Wait a minute," the woman said. Dib stopped.
2392
2393The woman scrunched up her face as if she was trying to remember something.
2394
2395"Have a nice day," she said finally.
2396
2397"Thanks," said Dib, and he hustled for the elevator.
2398
2399* * *
2400
2401It was a pretty typical hotel room, two beds, couch, TV, little desk.
2402
2403He dumped the overnight bag on one of the beds and opened it. Zim popped out and flopped over on his side, gasping like a fish out of water.
2404
2405Dib went to the other bed and sat down, taking his laptop out. He booted it up.
2406
2407Zim lay on his side with his eyes closed, breathing heavily. He looked weak and pale.
2408
2409Dib studied him for a moment. Zim sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What?" he said.
2410
2411"Nothing," Dib said, turning his attention to his laptop screen. "We're going to have a lot of work ahead of us. Get some rest while you can."
2412
2413"Maybe I don't want to, Dib," Zim said, narrowing his eyes.
2414
2415"Then do some jumping jacks, cough up a lung and pass out. I really don't care."
2416
2417"Heh." Zim shook his head. There was a little condescending smirk on his face. "I don't have lungs, Dib."
2418
2419Dib closed his eyes. "I don't care, Zim."
2420
2421Zim went quiet. Dib logged onto the hotel's wi-fi network and pulled up all his trusty paranormal sites. Time to post an update, one as long and detailed as he could manage.
2422
2423He set to typing. The only sounds in the hotel room were the hum of the radiator, the clacking of the keyboard, and Zim's wheezy breath interspersed with coughing.
2424
2425Unsurprisingly, no one had replied to Dib's previous posts- except for a couple of crazy people who posted to _everything _saying they'd seen it too (and had no concept of grammar). Dib cracked his knuckles and started on his update anyway.
2426
2427It was getting dark when he finished. He sighed and pushed the laptop away. "I need to get dinner."
2428
2429"I'm awake," Zim said.
2430
2431"You don't want anything, right? What with the burning and flailing whenever you come in contact with food."
2432
2433Zim shook his head.
2434
2435Dib had a lot of pocket money, but not unlimited pocket money. He'd probably be better off getting McDonald's than room service. Plus, he just felt like a Big Mac.
2436
2437He'd have to ask that slow lady for directions though. Hrmmnh.
2438
2439"I can leave you here and you won't explode or run away, right?" he said. Zim made a dismissive gesture. He didn't seem capable of much at the moment.
2440
2441Dib turned this over in his mind some more. He checked his wallet. He might have to buy another hotel room tomorrow.
2442
2443He had two hundred dollars left. Hmm.
2444
2445And if he left the hotel he could get a break from Zim. He turned his laptop off and stuffed it under the bed. Then he left the room.
2446
2447* * *
2448
2449Uuugh, the human was _finally _gone. Zim rubbed his eyes and sat up, hanging his head. He took his radio out of his Pak. "GIR," he called. "Come in, GIR."
2450
2451Nothing. Wherever GIR was, he was still turned off. Zim sighed. He'd realized a few minutes after they'd left Dib's house that he'd forgotten GIR, and then, of course, it was too late.
2452
2453He tried calling Minimoose. Also no answer. Zim might never see either of them again.
2454
2455He got up and went over to the window, looking out at the parking lot below. The sun was setting.
2456
2457This hotel room smelled even worse than Dib's house, and there were constant talking and moving-around noises from the hallway and the rooms on either side. It was tiresome. Especially knowing that he was basically stranded here, in the middle of all these humans, without a disguise. But there was nothing to be done about that.
2458
2459Zim pulled Dib's laptop out from under the bed. It felt surprisingly heavy. He dumped it onto the bed and sat down in front of it, turning it on. It displayed a login screen.
2460
2461"Hrm," Zim said. For a login name, he typed 'smelly stink beast', and for password he typed 'stupid.'
2462
2463Those were wrong. Okay, Zim had known those couldn't _really _be Dib's username and password. He stared at the screen for a while, then typed in his own login name and password. Those didn't work either. Ah well, it was worth a shot.
2464
2465He brushed back his antennae, sighing and looking down at the keyboard. Stupid Dib, and his stupid…
2466
2467…stupid Dib had left a post-it note with his username and password on the keyboard. Zim scoffed. What an idiot.
2468
2469The login name was 'agentmothman' and the password was 'muffindookie411cheese'. Zim typed those in and was left staring at a desktop wallpaper picture of some stupid vampire thing.
2470
2471Well, now he was into the computer. He considered wiping the hard drive out of spite. Nah, in the current situation that might prove to be counterproductive. Also, too much effort. Maybe later.
2472
2473Instead, he pulled up the browser Dib had been using and searched through his bookmarks. The human had been doing _something _all afternoon. Zim wanted to know what. He'd gotten a glimpse of Dib using this browser program, but not what he was browsing.
2474
2475It looked like he'd just been browsing paranormal sites. Zim yelped in indignation. Paranormal sites! They were in a life-or-death situation and Dib had just been sitting there playing all day!
2476
2477Maybe Zim really _would _wipe his hard drive. It would serve the little puke right.
2478
2479He studied the laptop, wondering if he could boost its Internet signal enough to reach the Tallest. Eh, probably not. He could write down a report to email to himself to make later, though.
2480
2481Except Dib's laptop didn't have the Irknet email client Zim used on it. Oh, this wasn't worth it.
2482
2483He flopped down with his cheek on Dib's keyboard, closing his eyes. The computer beeped. He glanced at the screen, and his antennae stood up in confusion. "Eh?"
2484
2485The screen was now blue, and had letters and numbers on it. Zim squinted at them.
2486
2487**STOP 0x000000D1**
2488
2489Hm, funny. Zim tried hitting a few different keys and nothing happened. He quickly gave up. Earth computers were weird.
2490
2491* * *
2492
2493Dib re-entered the hotel room, sipping on a Suck Munky he'd picked up on the way back, to find Zim curled up in front of the laptop.
2494
2495"Hey!" Dib snapped.
2496
2497Zim sat up. "What? What do you want?"
2498
2499"Stay away from my computer! What did you do to it?"
2500
2501"I didn't do anything to your precious filthy computer."
2502
2503"Get away from it!" Dib yelped.
2504
2505Zim huffed and shuffled over to the bed. Dib sat down behind the laptop. He screeched.
2506
2507"Whaaat?" Zim demanded.
2508
2509Dib grabbed a handful of his own hair. Why hadn't he just taken the laptop with him? Why hadn't he realized Zim was going to do something like this? "You broke it! You broke my laptop!"
2510
2511"I hardly touched it!"
2512
2513"It has a blue screen of death!"
2514
2515"Hmm! Death?" Zim sounded intrigued.
2516
2517"Yes, _death!" _Dib snapped, turning off the laptop. "Not that you'd know anything about human computers. You can't even get your alien computers to work right!"
2518
2519Zim scoffed. Dib restarted the laptop, biting his lip. The laptop appeared to start normally. It ran normally… for about a minute… then the screen went blue again. "ARGH! _ZIM! TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!"_
2520
2521"All I did was turn it on," Zim said. "Your computer's just stupid." He took a can of some kind of purple drink out of his Pak, popped the tab and sipped from it.
2522
2523"You did more than that! Come on!"
2524
2525"I touched it. Maybe being in close contact with a member of the superior Irken race broke it."
2526
2527Dib slapped both hands over his face. "Gahh."
2528
2529Zim took a long swig of his purple stuff. "Pretty pathetic, Dib."
2530
2531"Be quiet." Dib settled in for some intensive tech-support work.
2532
2533Suddenly he remembered. "Gaz! Oh, man! I forgot all about Gaz!" He'd left her alone with those evil people! She could be in trouble!
2534
2535* * *
2536
2537Greaves watched the house from across the street. There was a flash of motion behind one of the windows. He raised his binoculars to his face. The girl was watching him watching her. Her brown eyes were narrowed to sharp, dangerous slits.
2538
2539Greaves shuddered. Would she come out of the house to attack them?
2540
2541He motioned to his backup. He'd taken three of the largest, strongest men in the company with him. All three were now bleeding and bruised. One man had a broken nose.
2542
2543A voice hissed in Greaves's ear over an earpiece. "What are you doing?"
2544
2545"There's a girl here," Greaves said. "She's like nothing I ever seen before."
2546
2547"That's Gazlene. She's Professor Membrane's daughter. _Do not upset her."_
2548
2549Greaves swallowed. It was a bit late for that. "We're authorized to take the boy but not the girl?"
2550
2551"The father plays favorites. _Do not harm Gazlene. _Take Robert and go."
2552
2553Greaves swallowed again. "The girl won't let us into the house, sir."
2554
2555"Then leave him."
2556
2557"What if she calls the police?"
2558
2559"What if she does? They can't learn anything from Robert. _Get back here!"_
2560
2561Greaves reluctantly gave the order to return to base. The men needed medical attention anyway.
2562
2563* * *
2564
2565Yes, Gaz was certainly in trouble, but Dib couldn't go back to help her, because he was hopelessly lost. The woman at the desk had said he was in 'Keystone City', wherever that was. Dib would have to find some kind of a map, or maybe latitude and longitude or… something.
2566
2567For now, he called his dad, explaining the situation and asking him to check up on Gaz ('Certainly, I will next time I'm home, son. Maybe next week. Enjoy your visit with your foreign friend!'), and then got busy trying to fix his computer, reasoning that he could use it to take down these people and help Gaz that way. And… well… find the way home with it. That would help too.
2568
2569But the computer stubbornly would not be fixed. It stopped blue-screening quite as frequently, allowing Dib to try working on it, but in exchange it began to randomly display porn sites- somehow even when Dib turned the Internet connection off.
2570
2571Dib groaned and ran his fingers through his hair as his computer beeped and he got to see more tentacles than he'd ever wanted to see. The web design of these sites was awful too, he reflected. Blinking neon gifs everywhere. Not that that was really important...
2572
2573"I hate you, Zim," he muttered, though he really hated himself more (if possible) at the moment for leaving his computer unattended. "How did you even do this? I was only gone twenty minutes! And how did you guess my password?"
2574
2575Zim said nothing. Dib shook his head and typed some more.
2576
2577He heard something metallic lightly fall onto the floor. He looked over to see Zim's empty purple-drink-of-some-kind can rolling across the floor. He looked up at Zim. Zim was sprawled out on his back with his arms out at his sides. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open. His breathing was wheezy and labored.
2578
2579"Are you dead?"
2580
2581Zim snorted and threw his arm over his face. Well, of course he wasn't dead, Dib could hear him breathing.
2582
2583Dib looked at the clock on the little night-table. It was 4 AM. Huh. Wow. That was... that was pretty late. Dib had been doing this way longer than he'd realized... stupid Zim and his stupid breaking things.
2584
2585"Are you asleep?" he asked. Zim said nothing. Dib watched him for a minute and he started to snore. Well. That answered that.
2586
2587Maybe Dib should go to sleep too. He took one last doleful glance at his computer, then put it away and got up, intending to get his toothbrush out of his overnight bag and brush his teeth with it.
2588
2589Only his toothbrush wasn't in his overnight bag. He'd forgotten to bring it. He'd also forgotten to bring any underwear.
2590
2591Crap. Well, he'd worry about this in the morning.
2592
2593Dib wriggled under the blankets. He wondered how Zim was snoring without a nose. He'd make a note to investigate that when he finally got to dissect the little green toad.
2594
2595* * *
2596
2597Dib was suddenly brought out of sleep some time later. He blinked about in the darkness. He had the impression he was not in his own bed. It took a moment for him to remember why he wasn't.
2598
2599He heard sharp coughing from the other bed. That was probably what had woken him up.
2600
2601Dib pulled the pillow over his head. "Dang it, Zim," he muttered.
2602
2603"My apologies, I don't know what came over me," Zim replied in a distractedly cheerful tone.
2604
2605Dib blinked. "Oh. Well, it's nice to see you showing a little empathy for once-"
2606
2607"It's just the way it looked at me."
2608
2609"What?" Dib sat up. It was dark, and he was not wearing his glasses, so all he saw when he looked over at the other bed was a heap of blankets. "What looked at you?"
2610
2611"It looked at me, so I…" Zim said. "No, I don't think that's necessary. Really." A note of alarm had come into his voice. "No no, I don't want to, I-" He burst out coughing again.
2612
2613"I don't think he's talking to me," Dib said to himself. He put his glasses on and fumbled his way over to the light switch.
2614
2615He turned on the light and stood there blinking for a moment while his vision adjusted. Then he made his way back over to the beds.
2616
2617Zim was tangled up in blankets, one forearm sticking out at an awkward angle and the other tucked somewhere out of sight. His face was flushed and puffy and there were dark rings under his eyes (which were closed). He had stopped coughing. His breathing was fast and shallow.
2618
2619Dib reached out, cautiously, to poke him, and withdrew his hand when Zim said: "Oh, look, there's Dib. Don't tell him I killed those test subjects." It was said in the tone someone might use to say 'Don't forget to wear your mittens'. "He'd be all weird about it, you know. I don't want…" He trailed off. He pulled the blankets over his head. "Oh, I don't feel good," he sighed. "GIR, take me back to the base… no, GIR, the _base_… oh, what am I going to do with you… you horrible…"
2620
2621Dib had an idea. "What test subjects, Masterrr?" he said in his best GIR voice.
2622
2623"I don't want to talk about it," Zim said. He sounded tired. "Leave me alone."
2624
2625"Why'd you kill 'em?"
2626
2627"Go away, GIR."
2628
2629Dib shook him lightly. "Uh- no, I want… pigs, and muffins, and I won't go away until you tell me what evil thing you did!"
2630
2631Zim moaned. "GIR, you're hurting your master. Stop."
2632
2633"Not unless you tell me why you killed those test subjects." Granted, it was possible Zim was just having a weird dream and hadn't really killed anyone, but it seemed unlikely. And he'd been acting so squirrelly. He was definitely hiding _something. _
2634
2635"I don't know!" Zim sounded very upset. Dib took a step back. "I had to, GIR, go away!"
2636
2637"Why did you have to?"
2638
2639"Because I- I _just did! _Go play!"
2640
2641"No!"
2642
2643Zim made a sharp, high-pitched noise that sounded almost like a sob. "I gave you an order! Leave me alone!"
2644
2645Dib sat down next to him. "Okay, I'm not really GIR. I'm Dib. I want you to tell me what you did right now."
2646
2647"Hm, I shoulda known," Zim said, and he wriggled down deeper under the covers. "I'm not telling you anything."
2648
2649Dib pulled the blankets away, grabbed Zim by the shoulders and started shaking, to no visible effect. He was unresponsive again.
2650
2651Dib considered trying to wake him up with some water from the bathroom faucet, but it was 5:30 AM and Dib had gotten only a few minutes of sleep. Maybe this should wait.
2652
2653Dib glared at Zim and waited for him to say more. He didn't.
2654
2655Dib shook him again, and got his face coughed in for his trouble.
2656
2657Dib went back to bed.
2658
2659
2660	8. Motel Hell
2661
2662A/N: This fan fiction has been officially approved by Operation Head Pigeons on Facebook! How cool is that? Hearty thanks are given to OHP and to the reviewer who alerted me to this charming occurrence!
2663
2664* * *
2665
2666Zim woke up breathing hard, in a cold sweat, with his claws detracted and dug into the sheets- they'd gone all the way through his gloves. He felt like something very bad had just happened, but he didn't know what it could possibly have been. A quick sweep of the room revealed nothing untoward, besides Dib, but Dib was clearly sleeping and not dangerous.
2667
2668It must have just been… one of those things, a dream. Bah. He fell back onto the sheets. They were soaked with sweat and tangled around his body in a way that made him feel like he was tied up. The first order of business was to get out of the blankets, then. When he'd accomplished that, he was exhausted.
2669
2670He held his aching head in his hands and tried to ignore Dib's obnoxious snoring from the other bed. Pale, gray morning light was filtering in through the curtains. The alarm clock said it was seven in the morning. His chest felt tight and his whole body was sore. His throat was raw and painful.
2671
2672How dare Dib sleep like this? (Zim chose to outright ignore the fact that he'd just been asleep himself a moment ago.) They had important work to do. Those people were still out there doing who-knows-what.
2673
2674Ah, well. Every minute Dib was asleep was a minute Zim didn't have to put up with his big-headed stupidness. He reached up to rub at his eyes, then let his arm fall at his side, whimpering softly. He lay back into the heap of blankets, warm from his body heat. He was chilled and shaking. He felt disconnected from the room around him, as if it wasn't really real, and at the same time he was hyper-aware of the sounds of human footsteps in the hall, the couple arguing on the other side of the wall behind him, the scents of cleanser and the humans that had occupied this room in the past, and every little snort and whistle made by Dib. He bit down on his lower lip.
2675
2676In that moment it seemed easy to believe the white building wasn't really real, that it was all a fevered hallucination. The place hadn't truly seemed real to begin with. But if it wasn't real, what on Irk was he doing here with _Dib?_
2677
2678Zim usually found it very easy to come up with a plan of action. He could look at a situation and instantly size it up and decide what to do, which was (he thought) one of the things that made him such an excellent Invader. (What others might think about the solutions he so quickly chose for his problems, and their usual horrendous consequences, was of no account to him.)
2679
2680Right now he was having trouble thinking. His mind was sluggish. When he looked at the situation, instead of seeing possible solutions, potential courses of action, or anything like that, he just saw horrors, and the fact that he'd been there for three days and _did not remember what they'd done to him._
2681
2682He rolled onto his side, curling up tightly and wrapping his arms around his body. His belly ached from spending so much time doubled over coughing.
2683
2684Deep down, he really wanted someone else to take care of the problem. But no, no one else was anywhere near as competent as Zim (he told himself) and besides- his planet, his problem.
2685
2686Ugh, he hated Earth.
2687
2688He pulled the pillow over his head. He heard Dib moving around on the other bed.
2689
2690Dib got up and plodded around. He stopped moving. Zim felt watched. He had an idea Dib was standing there staring at him. He ground his teeth together.
2691
2692Dib yawned and shuffled off somewhere. Zim heard the bathroom door shut.
2693
2694He heard the toilet flush, then the water in the sink running, then the water in the shower. Listening to that made Zim's skin itch.
2695
2696Dib came out of the bathroom. He was whistling. Ugh! What right had he to be so happy?
2697
2698Dib rustled around for a while. "Aw, man, I forgot I didn't bring any underwear," he muttered to himself.
2699
2700Zim had been on the planet a while now but it had slipped his mind what 'underwear' was. He probably didn't want to know.
2701
2702Dib made obnoxious thoughtful noises, then there were some slippery fabric noises. Zim flipped onto his other side, biting his lip. He was so _achy._
2703
2704Dib walked around, coming very close to Zim. There was a sound of an edge of paper scraping against something."Hmm," Dib said. "Continental breakfast starts in a few minutes. Maybe I'll go down and get some waffles." He was quiet for a minute. "And I guess Zim's just gonna sleep all day. Stupid alien."
2705
2706Zim opened one eye. "I'm _not _asleep."
2707
2708Dib raised his eyebrows. "Oh. I see."
2709
2710Dib was standing next to the bed, looming over Zim. Zim scowled up at him. "What do you want?" he rasped.
2711
2712"Nothing."
2713
2714Zim's eyes narrowed.
2715
2716Dib sat down on the edge of the other bed, facing Zim. "You talk in your sleep."
2717
2718Lies. "I don't sleep."
2719
2720"Oh, really? Then you must have been totally lucid when you said that thing about killing off test subjects," Dib said.
2721
2722Zim's claws dug into the blankets. His guts tried to crowd up into his throat. "I didn't say anything about that! YOU LIAR!" His mind was racing. How could Dib possibly know about that? Was there a spy camera attached to Zim's body right now? He started feeling around under his jaw and by the bases of his antennae while making an attempt to look casual about it.
2723
2724"You haven't told me the whole story about General Labs, you know," Dib said. "In fact, you've been infuriatingly incoherent. I blamed delirium and/or stupidity for a little while there but now it's starting to seem like you're _hiding _something."
2725
2726Zim recoiled, flinching. "No. No, I'm not. Leave me alone, I'm ill and I might not have my usual patience for your antics!"
2727
2728Dib leaned back on his hands. "Yeah, how you're acting right now isn't suspicious at all. Let's start with how you found these people."
2729
2730"I didn't," Zim said. "They found me. They came to the base and took me to their building." He didn't even remember if that was what he had told Dib originally or not.
2731
2732Dib nodded. "Really. And what did they do there?"
2733
2734"They told me they worked for the Tallest but they didn't. Remember? They told me they were… officers or something. They gave me fliers to hand out. I already told you this!"
2735
2736"And then?"
2737
2738"I went home and reported about it and the Tallest said they didn't work for them. Now do you remember? I told you everything already! There's no more!" He shook his head. "Nope! Nothing! Nope!"
2739
2740"Hmm," Dib said. "Wouldn't they have known you'd report in? Why would they tell you something you could find out was a lie right away?"
2741
2742"I... I don't know." Zim shut his eyes. He wasn't about to tell Dib about Miyuki. "I went back and confronted them. They wouldn't talk, so I left… and broke into their building when everyone had gone home for the night."
2743
2744"Wait, you went home? You told me you couldn't go to your base."
2745
2746"I can't _now," _Zim snapped. "Pay attention, Dib!"
2747
2748"Okay. So you broke in and saw the testing they were doing… and then, what, you left?"
2749
2750Zim nodded.
2751
2752"You didn't do anything else. You just left."
2753
2754"Mmhmm." Zim reached up to tug at the collar of his uniform. It felt suddenly tight. "Well, they caught me. They know I know their horrible secret." He made a fist. "They want it to die with me."
2755
2756Dib's eyebrows rose.
2757
2758Zim coughed weakly. "Ugh, are you done yet, stink pig?" It hurt to talk. His throat was raw.
2759
2760Dib ignored this. "Caught you doing what?"
2761
2762"I broke into their building. Humans don't seem to take kindly to that."
2763
2764"Hm." Dib studied him. His eyes narrowed. "Because I'd hate to be helping out a _murderer."_
2765
2766Zim nodded and looked away. He wrapped his arms around his chest.
2767
2768Dib got to his feet. "I'm going to get breakfast."
2769
2770"Mmhmm."
2771
2772"I'm also going to find out if there's a computer in the lobby I can use, since you did me the favor of breaking mine."
2773
2774"Go."
2775
2776Dib left the room.
2777
2778Zim wriggled under the blankets.
2779
2780* * *
2781
2782The free breakfast was lackluster, but it was free. Dib had a stale doughnut and some cold waffles. Then he went to the front desk.
2783
2784The same woman from yesterday was on duty. Dib cleared his throat. "Excuse me. Is there a computer here that I can use? I need to check my email. I brought a laptop, but an idiot nemesis of mine screwed it up. Long story."
2785
2786The woman stared at him, her eyes seemingly looking straight through his head, her jaw slack.
2787
2788Dib shifted his weight back and forth. The woman pointed at somewhere behind him, her eyes completely unfocused.
2789
2790Dib turned to see a computer sitting a few feet away on a plain wooden desk. He headed over.
2791
2792It was a Windows 95. There was a little slot in the computer tower, and a sign stuck under it saying: DEPOSIT FIFTY CENTS FOR THIRTY MINUTES OF USE.
2793
2794Huh. Well. Dib saw something new every day, it seemed.
2795
2796He fished two quarters out of his pocket and pushed them through the slot with his thumb. The computer roared to life with a deafening startup noise. Dib flinched. There was a man sitting on a nearby couch reading a newspaper, and now he was staring at Dib.
2797
2798Dib shrugged apologetically and slipped into the computer chair. He muted the speakers and started up Internet Explorer.
2799
2800The computer was slow. Very, very slow. The connection was dialup. Dialup. Who had dialup anymore?
2801
2802But it was Internet and it wasn't showing him porn (yet). He browsed through his sites, almost hoping that there wouldn't be anything new, because he didn't want to stay on this stupid machine a minute longer than necessary.
2803
2804However, there was an email in his inbox from Agent Darkbootie. Of course Dib couldn't have gotten that back when his laptop worked. Nah.
2805
2806The message read: _There is another agent who claims to have information about your problem. However, she wants to meet with you to discuss it in person, as she believes this matter is too delicate to discuss in email. I have proposed meeting this afternoon at headquarters. Is this amenable to you, Mothman?_
2807
2808Hmm, headquarters was about fifteen minutes from Dib's hometown by ship. He knew he was two hours from home now. That was anywhere between two hours, fifteen minutes and one hour, forty-five minutes travel time, plus time to find his way and ditch Zim somewhere so he couldn't spy on the Eyeballs' inner workings… the most all that could take would be three hours. It was pretty early right now. Sure, afternoon would work fine.
2809
2810Dib began to craft a well-thought-out and clear reply. The computer kept freezing up for a few seconds at a time, making him wait for a while before he could continue writing.
2811
2812He was just about to hit 'send' when a message flashed on the screen:
2813
2814TIME UP.
2815
2816Then the computer abruptly shut off, losing Dib's unsaved email.
2817
2818Dib grabbed two handfuls of his hair and twisted for a couple minutes. Then he stuck two more quarters into the machine and prepared to type faster this time.
2819
2820* * *
2821
2822An hour later, having finally managed to send his email, Dib headed into the elevator, grinding his teeth together. He tapped his foot on the floor the whole ride up to his floor, imagining Zim's scrawny green neck under his fingers. He would squeeze and squeeze until the stupid little alien's eyes popped out of his head.
2823
2824He opened the door to the hotel room on the third try, so angry that he kept fumbling and dropping the key.
2825
2826Zim was sprawled out face-down on the bed, spread-eagled. He looked like a diseased starfish.
2827
2828Dib reached down and gave the base of his right antenna a good tweak. Zim sat up, grunting and looking about with blank, staring eyes.
2829
2830Dib leaned over him. "You broke my computer."
2831
2832Zim nodded. He looked upset. Maybe Dib was finally getting through to him.
2833
2834"Do you understand what this means, Zim? That computer was our only tool, and you broke it just because you can't keep your grubby little hands off my stuff. Okay?"
2835
2836Zim hung his head. Dib grabbed his shoulders. "You just like making things hard for me, don't you?"
2837
2838Zim doubled over and threw up purple alien drink all over Dib's shoes. Dib backed up, hissing through his teeth.
2839
2840Zim held his head in his hands. "Ugh. Did you say something?" He coughed.
2841
2842Dib closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten. "No," he said. "I didn't say anything at all."
2843
2844He headed into the bathroom, took off his shoes and started running water over them. He heard more retching from the other room. He shook his head.
2845
2846He had decided not to tell Zim about the Swollen Eyeball meeting. Instead, he called: "You know, we shouldn't stay in one place too long. They'll find us."
2847
2848There was a pause. Maybe Zim wasn't done puking?
2849
2850"I already thought of that," the alien said finally. His voice was weak and gravelly. "I was just waiting for your lazy human self to get back here so we could go."
2851
2852"Ah." Whatever this purple stuff was, at least it rinsed off easily. Of course, now Dib's shoes were soaking wet. "So I guess you're ready to go."
2853
2854"Of course I am."
2855
2856There was a hair dryer in the closet. Dib went and got it and started trying to dry off his shoes.
2857
2858"You can _walk, _right?" Dib called. "I've only seen you lazing around and breaking my computer since we got here."
2859
2860"I can walk!"
2861
2862Not that it really mattered since Dib was going to have to carry him out in the overnight bag anyway.
2863
2864He shook his head to himself, then looked down to see his shoes were melting under the hair dryer. "AAAH!"
2865
2866* * *
2867
2868Miraculously, smuggling Zim out of the room went without incident. Dib checked out of the hotel and took off in the ship.
2869
2870(They left the purple-alien-soda puke for housekeeping to find- hopefully after Dib was safely away.)
2871
2872Dib landed at a gas station, picked up a map of the state, and got back in the ship. He opened the map and studied it.
2873
2874"Do you have somewhere to go this time?" Zim asked.
2875
2876Dib glanced over at his alien companion. Zim looked sweaty, limp, and gray. He had thus far said nothing.
2877
2878"Yes," Dib said. "I do."
2879
2880"Well, where is it?"
2881
2882"That's for me to know and you to find out."
2883
2884Zim glared.
2885
2886Dib rolled his eyes. "It's somewhere they'll never find us. Okay? Is that okay with you?"
2887
2888Zim studied him. "I don't trust you," he said.
2889
2890"Really?" Dib rolled his eyes. "I had no idea. Look, if I wanted to do anything to you I already would have."
2891
2892Zim held up an index finger. "Unless you were waiting for the right moment."
2893
2894"Well, yeah, but the right moment would have been after you broke my computer and ruined my shoes." Inspiration. "In fact, that's where we're going. A shoe store. Next to a Best Buy."
2895
2896"Oh, okay." Zim closed his eyes and turned away with an exhausted sigh.
2897
2898* * *
2899
2900The town wasn't hard to find. Dib got there with plenty of time to book a hotel. He landed in the parking lot and turned to look at Zim.
2901
2902The alien had said nothing since the gas station. He was curled up on his side, turned away from Dib. Every so often he would cough painfully.
2903
2904"Are you awake?" Dib asked.
2905
2906Zim nodded. His eyes were closed.
2907
2908"I'm gonna go check in and _then _I'll come get you, all right?"
2909
2910Zim shook his head.
2911
2912Dib ran his fingers through his hair. "What? What's wrong with that?"
2913
2914"Don't leave me."
2915
2916"What?"
2917
2918"The ship. Exposed."
2919
2920Bah. Paranoid nut. "Okay. Fine. I'll take you in with me and you can suffocate in my duffel bag a little longer than necessary. Just don't whine about it."
2921
2922Zim nodded. Dib stuffed him into the bag.
2923
2924* * *
2925
2926Checking in was also uneventful. All these things going well were making Dib suspicious. A real doozy must be waiting for him later. Maybe the Swollen Eyeball contact would turn out to be the chupacabra in disguise.
2927
2928Dib went to his hotel room, opened his bag and dumped Zim on the bed. The Irken curled up in a ball, wrapping his arms around his body, clutching his sides. He whimpered.
2929
2930Dib cleared his throat. "So, uh… I'm gonna go buy shoes."
2931
2932Zim nodded, pressing his lips tightly together. He was clearly in pain. There wasn't really anything Dib could do about that… and if he could, he didn't know whether or not he'd do it. This was his worst enemy, after all.
2933
2934Dib had brought his laptop up to the room out of force of habit. He thought about taking it to the meeting with him, but it was kind of heavy, and presently useless. Zim couldn't _possibly _screw it up any more than he already had, right? And Dib expected him to sleep the whole time he was gone anyway.
2935
2936Dib left the room.
2937
2938* * *
2939
2940The headquarters were in an unassuming concrete warehouse. Dib entered and slipped behind some cardboard boxes, climbing down some steps to a hidden lower level of the building.
2941
2942It was pretty dark down there. Dib followed a narrow, dusty-smelling hallway to a round room, lit only by an intensely green computer screen on the back wall. Silhouetted against this screen was the familiar shape of Agent Darkbootie and a person Dib didn't immediately recognize.
2943
2944He drew closer. The two others turned to face him, Darkbooty with a calm nod, the other with wide, hunted eyes.
2945
2946It was a girl- a teenage girl in a dark coat, large, clunky boots and a long denim skirt. She was wearing black lipstick. There were dark circles under her eyes. She looked at Dib and scowled. "Agent Mothman?"
2947
2948The voice was familiar. Dib wrinkled up his nose. "Agent Fishsticks?"
2949
2950"I see the two of you are acquainted," Darkbootie said.
2951
2952Dib ground his teeth together. "Uh, kind of." There. He'd known it. He'd known that when a day started off this uneventful it meant something awful would happen.
2953
2954"We worked the Moskeria case together," Fishsticks said. Her eyes narrowed fractionally. She turned to Darkbootie. "Sir, why did you assign Agent Mothman to this case?"
2955
2956"I didn't _choose _him," Darkbootie replied. "He's had some experiences with General Labs."
2957
2958Fishsticks turned to Dib, frowning. "How did you discover their operations?"
2959
2960"An anonymous source contacted me."
2961
2962Her eyes widened for an instant almost too brief to see. "I need to talk to your source."
2963
2964Dib raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
2965
2966"It could be a trap. Bring your source to me and I'll tell you what I know. Not before then."
2967
2968Dib ground his teeth together. There was no _way_ the Eyeballs could ever know he was working with the alien he was supposed to be exposing- he'd be laughed out of the organization. And then brain-wiped. "I… don't know if he'll agree to that."
2969
2970"If he doesn't, too bad."
2971
2972Dib gave Agent Darkbootie an imploring look. The great man said: "If this situation is as treacherous as Fishsticks believes it to be, it would be an excellent idea to speak with your source. I suggested this to you already in an email, but apparently you didn't read it."
2973
2974Dib closed his eyes. Of course. "I've been having… technical difficulties. All right. He's nearby. Could you just… wait here while I go talk to him?"
2975
2976Fishsticks pressed her lips tightly together and closed her eyes, a silent commentary on Dib's professionalism, or perceived lack thereof. "Fine. You have half an hour."
2977
2978Darkbootie nodded.
2979
2980Dib turned and climbed up the ladder.
2981
2982* * *
2983
2984He made a quick stop at Wal*Mart before he headed back to the hotel, where he threw the door to his room open and marched over to the beds.
2985
2986Zim was laying face down and trembling with his face buried in the pillow. Dib grabbed his shoulder and flipped him over. Zim gasped, started to cough, and pulled away from Dib, his eyes wide with panic.
2987
2988"We're taking a little trip," Dib said, tossing the shopping bag from Wal*Mart down next to Zim.
2989
2990"What?" Zim panted. "Where? What are you talking about? What do you want to do to me? GET AWAY!" He hissed like a cat and flattened himself against the headboard.
2991
2992Dib pulled one of the items out of the bag. "I have a contact who will give me valuable information about General Labs, but only if she talks to the guy who told me about it. That's you." He ground his teeth. "I got you a disguise. Put it on."
2993
2994Zim's eyes narrowed. "I'm not falling for that. You want to drag me in to the FBI!" His voice was weak and hoarse.
2995
2996"No," said Dib. "I'm telling the truth. And you know what? It doesn't matter whether you believe me or not, because I can just pick you up and carry you wherever I want you to go."
2997
2998Zim laughed, no doubt meaning to sound scornful. He sounded semi-hysterical. "How amusing, Dib. I think you rea-" He caught his breath sharply. "-really believe that."
2999
3000Dib grabbed him by the shoulders. Zim struggled weakly and then stared up at Dib, going white.
3001
3002Dib let go. "I'm going to be nice and let you choose to come under your own power. What do you say?"
3003
3004Zim gulped for breath a second, then said: "I don't want to!"
3005
3006"Too bad." Dib pulled a roll of bandages out of the shopping bag.
3007
3008Zim frowned. "What are those for?"
3009
3010"This is part of your disguise. You were in a car accident. Your face was badly burned and now it's all bandaged up. Also, your lungs were seared by smoke and now you have a bad cough and can't speak over a whisper."
3011
3012Zim looked confused. "That didn't happen."
3013
3014Dib bit the inside of his cheek. "It's a lie, Zim. I _know_ you know what a lie is."
3015
3016"Oh," Zim said. He looked faintly upset.
3017
3018Dib gave him the roll of bandages. "Now put these on."
3019
3020Zim picked up the roll and fiddled around with it. His hands were shaking and he seemed un-coordinated. He bit his lip and glanced at Dib.
3021
3022Dib muttered an expletive under his breath. He took the roll away. "All right, I'll do it."
3023
3024"No!" Zim looked away, his lower lip jutting out.
3025
3026"Time is short, Zim. Now hold still."
3027
3028Zim's head was slick with sweat and devoid of any ears or nose to hang onto. Antennae made good handles, but grabbing them made Zim squall in pain and scratch at Dib's hands. Dib tried to pin Zim down by planting his knee in his chest but that made the alien struggle for breath and attempt to bite.
3029
3030Dib finally ended up holding Zim by the neck with one hand and winding the bandage around his head with the other. This was still difficult because of course, Zim kept squirming, but Dib finally managed to get it done.
3031
3032He backed up, surveying his handiwork. Zim looked back at him with big, dark, morose eyes.
3033
3034Dib laughed. "You look like a mutated mummy."
3035
3036"And whose idea _was_ this, anyway?" Zim snapped.
3037
3038Ignoring this, Dib pulled a hat out of the shopping bag. "Okay, this goes over your antennae."
3039
3040Zim grumbled something unintelligible and possibly not in English, taking the hat and putting it on.
3041
3042"And here are some sunglasses," Dib said. "Uh… hm." Zim didn't have any ears or nose for the glasses to rest on. Maybe this part of the plan hadn't been thought out very well.
3043
3044Zim took the sunglasses and got them to stay on by wedging the earpieces in between the bandaging. Ah.
3045
3046"Finally, I got you a coat to cover up that stupid alien uniform," Dib said.
3047
3048Zim hissed irritably, but he put on the coat. It was ridiculously large on him.
3049
3050Dib stood up, sighing. "All right, let's get out of here. Come on."
3051
3052Zim got to his feet with what looked like some effort. Dib looked at him. Zim waved a hand at him. "I'm fine! Where is this stupid place?"
3053
3054* * *
3055
3056Dib descended the ladder a second time, this time with an unwanted alien clinging to his shoulders.
3057
3058He touched down on the ground and Zim slipped off of him, standing up straight and heading down the hall in a reasonable semblance of his usual military strut.
3059
3060"You wanted to see me?" he demanded when they reached the meeting room.
3061
3062"This is my source," Dib explained to the agents, who looked disbelieving. "He was recently in a car accident. Damaged face and lungs."
3063
3064"What do you know about General Labs?" Fishsticks demanded.
3065
3066"Why do you want to know what I know?" Zim replied, with an air that suggested he thought this a quite clever question.
3067
3068Fishsticks was as stoic as always. "Agent Mothman said you contacted him about their operations. Why?"
3069
3070Zim leaned back, tiling his head to the side. "Agent Mothman?" He turned to face Dib with his head at a quizzical angle.
3071
3072Dib ground his teeth together, willing Zim not to do anything stupid like drop Dib's real name.
3073
3074Zim shrugged slightly and turned back to Fishsticks, miraculously saying nothing. "I contacted…" He shrugged. "_Moth-maaannn… _because I had no choice."
3075
3076"But why him?"
3077
3078Zim was quiet a moment too long. "I- live on his street."
3079
3080"He said you were anonymous," Fishsticks said. "Do you know each other?"
3081
3082Zim swallowed and reached up to touch his throat. "Eh-"
3083
3084Dib hunched his shoulders. "When I said anonymous, I meant he didn't want _you_ to know who he is. _I_ know who he is."
3085
3086Fishstick's eyes narrowed. "Hm."
3087
3088Zim folded his arms over his chest, leaning back on one foot. He cleared his throat, sputtered into his fist, and said: "How did you hear about the white building?"
3089
3090"I check out all new construction in my town. There was something fishy about this place."
3091
3092"I see. Do you have a chair?"
3093
3094"No."
3095
3096Zim huffed and sat down on the concrete, folding his little stick-legs under his body. "They contacted _me _personally. They wanted me to pass out fliers."
3097
3098"Why?" Fishsticks demanded.
3099
3100Zim scoffed and tossed his head. "Why? It's so _incredibly obvious! _They have to go through-" His small hands fluttered through the hair, his eyes wild. "Two- three- f-four test subjects a day, with the things they do!"
3101
3102Fishsticks stiffened. _"Human _test subjects?"
3103
3104"What?" Zim tensed. "Yes. You didn't _know?"_
3105
3106The color drained from Fishsticks's face. "You're lying."
3107
3108Zim got to his feet, hissing softly. "You don't really know anything I don't know, do you?"
3109
3110"I-"
3111
3112He pointed dramatically. "You lied to Zim! You wanted to squeeze information outta me while giving me _nothing_!" The force of this statement made him hack for a few minutes, harshly and loudly, his whole body spasming.
3113
3114Dib grabbed his shoulder. "Bad Zim!" he snapped, giving the little snake a good shaking. "Bad, bad, bad, _bad _Zim! Siddown and behave yourself!" He lowered his head, hissing into the side of Zim's head. "Don't make me _burn _you!"
3115
3116"Stop," Fishsticks said, holding her hands up. "I know who's behind this. It's my uncle."
3117
3118Zim backed up until his cold, hard Pak stuck into Dib's belly. Dib pushed him away. Zim edged away, hugging the wall. He was hunched over and trembling. "The human in charge is your _blood relative?"_
3119
3120"He's done things," Fishsticks said, ignoring this. "To animals."
3121
3122"To aneemuls," Zim mocked. Dib gave him a quick kick in the calf and he cried out.
3123
3124Fishsticks stared at them emotionlessly for a moment. "You know each other."
3125
3126"Yes, we've established that," Dib said. "What did he do to animals?"
3127
3128"Sick things," Fishsticks said. "He doesn't know I know."
3129
3130"Blah, blah, blah," Zim said. "I don't care! I only care about how to _destroy _these operations!"
3131
3132"You and your destroying!" Dib snapped.
3133
3134Darkbootie crept closer. Dib started in shock, having forgotten about his presence. "This is all very entertaining, but I recommend you get to your respective points very shortly, as I have actual business to conduct elsewhere, and Mothman's source is very loud and unpleasant."
3135
3136Fishsticks nodded. "Five years ago I was able to spy on my uncle doing experiments on a rabbit. He gave it a long course of injections before ripping away its pelt while it was still alive. The animal did not die after the removal of its skin. Its limbs were removed next. My uncle infected the animal with myxomatosis. It did not die. He did several more things to it, I don't think I need to go into detail…" Her voice was shaking ever-so-slightly. "The animal did not die, even after the removal of its internal organs. It did not die until it was taken off my uncle's machine."
3137
3138Zim leaned against the wall, exhaling slowly. He started breathing heavily, like he was trying not to throw up. Dib edged away a bit.
3139
3140"So he's trying to invent some kind of immortality machine," he guessed.
3141
3142Fishsticks shrugged and looked away.
3143
3144"He's got a building now," Dib said. "A few staff members, I dunno how many. Zim! How many did you see? Don't make anything up."
3145
3146"I don't know, more than two." Zim's voice was husky.
3147
3148"How many is more than two?"
3149
3150"I don't know." He fiddled with the bandages over his face.
3151
3152Dib shook his head.
3153
3154"I don't know my uncle well," Fishsticks said. "He's dangerous."
3155
3156"Zim says he saw human test subjects," Dib said. "He didn't say much else. He's not that great a source. But they are passing out fliers with weird stuff on them, trying to get people in."
3157
3158Darkbootie nodded. "Agents, I recommend you work together on this case."
3159
3160Fishsticks shook her head. "Not possible. My parents are taking me to California in an hour."
3161
3162"Well, then email me," Dib said.
3163
3164"Not secure enough."
3165
3166"There are secure methods of-"
3167
3168"The humans in the white building are technological masters," Zim interrupted. "They can thoroughly defeat any pathetic little attempts at security you children can muster. Dib, you haven't been posting things about this on the _Internet-"_
3169
3170Dib shrugged.
3171
3172Zim raised a shaking hand to his head. "Well… ehh…" He was quiet for a moment. "Darn."
3173
3174Dib shrugged again.
3175
3176Fishsticks checked her watch. "I need to be going."
3177
3178Dib nodded. "Okay. Well, thank you for the information, I guess." It hadn't really been all that helpful. Creepy, but not helpful.
3179
3180Fishsticks nodded, turned on her heel, and left through a nearby, unobtrusive door.
3181
3182Darkbootie stroked his chin. "Mothman, are you equipped to handle this on your own?"
3183
3184Dib nodded. "Yes, sir."
3185
3186"All right. You and your source are dismissed."
3187
3188Darkbootie went through that same door, muttering something that sounded like 'coffee'.
3189
3190That left Dib and Zim alone together in a cold, round, concrete room.
3191
3192Dib thought about what had been done to the rabbit. Was all that true? Was that what Zim had seen done to people? But after all that, just a hunk of meat would be left. Maybe they were really just using dogs or something and Zim had freaked. Although… really, that would still be pretty nasty.
3193
3194"How did you know they were testing on humans?" he asked aloud.
3195
3196"Smell. I knew by the scent," Zim said.
3197
3198"Huh. Okay." Zim didn't even have a nose, so Dib wasn't sure he could trust that.
3199
3200"Also, their…" He caught his breath. "Their organs. Heart. Lungs. Spleen."
3201
3202"Ah." Zim was also dumb as a brick, so there was really no way of knowing whether that meant anything. "Well, I think we should get out of here," Dib said.
3203
3204They headed down the hallway. Zim was shuffling with his head down. He stopped halfway down the hallway and sat down on the floor.
3205
3206"What are you doing?" Dib demanded.
3207
3208"I feel ill. Carry me."
3209
3210"No."
3211
3212"Carry your future slave master."
3213
3214"No."
3215
3216"I'm not getting up." Zim turned his face away.
3217
3218Dib ran a hand through his hair. "You big baby. Maybe I will leave you here. You can deal with the next agents who come down here all on your own. This is an active Swollen Eyeballs meeting place, you know."
3219
3220"Yeah, yeah, agents. Whatever. The little girl we were just talking to was quite the threat to a trained Irken soldier."
3221
3222"That 'little girl' was twice your size."
3223
3224"Eh." Zim rested his forehead against the wall, breathing deeply. He had apparently meant what he said about not getting up.
3225
3226Dib shook his head, looked up at the ceiling, sighed, and picked Zim up, tucking him under one arm. "If you tell anyone about this I'll squish your head," he muttered. "And if you annoy me I'll drop you in the snow."
3227
3228Zim nodded. He went limp. Dib started to cart him off down the hallway.
3229
3230He stopped. "Wait a minute. Did you tell them my name?"
3231
3232"No."
3233
3234"Oh, okay, I thought you-"
3235
3236"No."
3237
3238Dib shrugged and headed for the ladder.
3239
3240* * *
3241
3242A/N: Fun fact: When I started writing this chapter I was spelling it 'Darkbooty' with a y, but then I went to this little thing called InvaderCON and bought a Zim Eats Waffles script from Eric Trueheart, and Mr. Trueheart spells it with an 'ie'. Since Mr. Trueheart was not fired or executed for spelling it this way I will assume the 'ie' is the correct spelling.
3243
3244
3245	9. Invader
3246
3247Zim also refused to get out of the ship under his own power. Dib picked him up and propped him on one hip, it was easier that way.
3248
3249He headed into the lobby. The woman at the desk gave him a weird look. At first Dib assumed she was looking at his head, but then Zim shuddered and wiggled around a little. Dib realized he was carting around a fairly good imitation of the Invisible Man.
3250
3251"My little brother," he explained hastily, and hurried into the elevator.
3252
3253Zim rested his head on Dib's shoulder.
3254
3255"No," Dib said. "You're gross. Stop that."
3256
3257He felt eyes on him and turned to see a woman standing next to him in the elevator. She looked disapproving.
3258
3259"Oh, uh- this is my little brother," Dib said. "He's, um, tired from his treatments. Zim, you centipede, get your head off me. Oh, uh- I mean-"
3260
3261The woman was really glaring now.
3262
3263"They're beauty treatments," Dib babbled. "He's not really- I mean- geez. Zim!"
3264
3265Zim whimpered drowsily.
3266
3267"Screw it," Dib said.
3268
3269The elevator stopped. It wasn't Dib's floor. More people got on. They stared at Dib. He avoided eye contact.
3270
3271Zim was hot and full of jabby angles. His breath smelled like puke. An eon later the elevator stopped on Dib's floor. He got off.
3272
3273Once he was in the room he dumped Zim on the bed and went into the bathroom. He washed his hands thoroughly three times. He went back into the room to find Zim whimpering and pawing at the bandages over his face.
3274
3275Dib sat down and turned on the TV, checking the news for anything horrible like 'preteen girl with purple hair murdered in suburb and used as test subject'. There was nothing.
3276
3277Zim continued to whimper. He batted at the sunglasses.
3278
3279Dib flipped through the channels. Spongebob was on. Dib watched a few minutes of it, his eyes glazing over.
3280
3281"Diiiiiib stiiiiiink-"
3282
3283"Oh, all right," Dib muttered. He turned off the TV, went over, and removed Zim's hat and sunglasses. He started peeling off the bandages. They were slippery and gross with sweat and came off easily. Dib dumped them in the trash and then went for five more rounds of hand washing.
3284
3285Zim seemed satisfied with this. He was lying very still. His breathing sounded difficult and congested.
3286
3287Dib flopped down on the other bed. He was hungry. It was after lunchtime. He didn't feel like going to get food, though. Maybe he could order something. He didn't have much cash left. He had his credit card, of course, but he didn't really want to leave records of where he'd been.
3288
3289Aw, forget it. He'd just get a little bit of room service. What could possibly happen? He picked up the phone.
3290
3291* * *
3292
3293Static buzzed on Peter's earphone. He hit a button.
3294
3295"Sir, we've picked up activity on Dib Membrane's card. He's not far."
3296
3297"Put a watch on him," Peter said.
3298
3299* * *
3300
3301The room service sandwich was downright awful (especially for something that had cost ten dollars). Dib choked down as much of it as he could and threw the rest away. He pulled out his laptop and started trying to work on it some more.
3302
3303Zim was plainly struggling to breathe. Dib studied him a moment. "Hey," he called.
3304
3305Zim said nothing. Dib went over to him and watched him gasp for a moment. He felt Zim's cheeks and forehead. They were very hot, which was not surprising.
3306
3307He squeezed Zim's shoulder. The alien shuddered and looked at him dully.
3308
3309Dib made a thumb's-up. Zim muttered some single-syllable word, probably a four-letter one, and closed his eyes.
3310
3311There was nothing Dib could do. Even if he'd known how to help a human who was having trouble breathing- and he didn't- he had no idea what to do with an Irken. He shrugged and went back to his laptop.
3312
3313The afternoon dragged by. Dib's laptop became more and more erratic. Zim slept fitfully for snatches at a time, tossing and turning and murmuring nonsense. Dib kept an ear tuned, in case he said something suspicious again, but the most coherent thing he heard was: "Your progress is stupid… your intelligence is stupid… for the good of the mission." Which really didn't make any sense at all.
3314
3315When evening rolled around, Dib ordered and choked down another sandwich. Zim continued to wheeze.
3316
3317Dib hadn't slept well last night. He decided to turn in early. After supper, he turned off the light and crawled into bed.
3318
3319He lay there silently, listening to Zim coughing, gasping for breath, and whimpering. He stared dully at the clock as the numbers slowly progressed from 7 PM to 11 PM.
3320
3321He must have managed to sleep eventually because suddenly it was 3 AM and he was blinking groggily, thinking he had just heard Zim cry out in pain.
3322
3323If he had, he cried out only once. Dib slipped back into a doze.
3324
3325The next sound that woke him up was gagging. Dib squinted across the room to see Zim hanging over the edge of the bed, spitting something out.
3326
3327He turned on the lights. It was phlegm. Lots of phlegm. Dib turned the lights back off and pulled the pillow over his head.
3328
3329When Dib next woke up, it was in the gray light of morning. He blinked around. The room was quiet, no sounds of struggling breath.
3330
3331He got up and went to the next bed. Zim was very still and gray. Upon closer inspection, however, he _was _breathing, shallowly.
3332
3333Zim's skin was cool and dry and his breathing seemed to have eased a great deal. Dib shook him gently by the shoulder.
3334
3335Zim moaned. His claws dug into the sheets, then relaxed.
3336
3337"Hey," Dib said tonelessly. "Breathing better, huh?"
3338
3339"I feel ill," Zim complained.
3340
3341"I guessed."
3342
3343Zim pulled the sheets over his head.
3344
3345"I'm going down to breakfast," Dib told him. Zim didn't respond.
3346
3347Dib headed down to the continental breakfast. He realized that he'd really thought Zim would be dead in the morning. He wasn't sure how he felt about Zim not being dead. It bothered him that he wasn't purely disappointed.
3348
3349The place was deserted, breakfast had just opened. Dib snagged a muffin and sat down to eat it.
3350
3351He took his time with it, partly because it was dry and kind of gross and he could only stomach small bites of it at a time. He finished, dusted his hands off on his coat, and headed upstairs.
3352
3353The hotel room was empty.
3354
3355Dib looked under the beds, under the blankets, in the bathroom and the closet, and in the drawers of the desk. Zim was gone.
3356
3357Dib thought, at first, that the alien had gotten disoriented and tried to go home. Then he thought that Zim had decided to abandon him and steal Tak's ship.
3358
3359Then he found half of an unfamiliar boot print on the carpet… _way _too big to be Zim's. Or Dib's either.
3360
3361* * *
3362
3363Zim was lying against a cold, hard surface. There was something cold and heavy around his neck.
3364
3365He shut his eyes, reaching up to bat weakly at the thing around his neck. It was some kind of metal collar.
3366
3367He realized there was a human in the room with him. He looked up to see a male human on some kind of scooter.
3368
3369The human was very overweight. It had brown eyes that seemed to have no emotion in them at all. Zim averted his eyes and made himself small against the floor. It was a floor he was lying on- a white metal floor. At first he'd had the vague notion it was a table.
3370
3371"You're awake," the human said. "How do you feel right now?"
3372
3373"Sick," Zim said. He shook his head. That wasn't the kind of thing he usually told humans. He didn't mind, though. He didn't mind anything.
3374
3375"What do you mean by 'sick'?"
3376
3377"My head aches… I feel weak. I can't breathe." The words just poured out of him. He knew it was a bad idea to be so honest with the human, but at the same time, it was like he didn't know it. Sorta. Everything was strange and hazy.
3378
3379He took a guess that he'd been given some kind of sedative, possibly combined with a truth serum. The collar around his neck might even be delivering it- or it might be a simple restraint. His limbs were not bound, but he didn't have the will to move them.
3380
3381"Are you carrying a communicable disease?"
3382
3383"Influenza."
3384
3385"Earth influenza?"
3386
3387"Yes. Influenza kills people, you know."
3388
3389This was apparently satisfactory to the human, as he changed the subject. "What do you mean by 'home'?"
3390
3391"My base."
3392
3393"Why do you want to go to your base there?"
3394
3395"Safe there." He hesitated. "Also, it smells nice, and it's alone." He was babbling. They'd given him _some _kind of drug. He was probably still feverish, too.
3396
3397"What do you mean by 'alone'?"
3398
3399"No one is there but me and my robots."
3400
3401"You desire solitude."
3402
3403"_Yes,_ I like to be alone! I hate people. They're loud, and they smell horrible. I spend a lot of time in the lab where GIR can't follow me. It's quiet."
3404
3405"Irkens desire groups."
3406
3407"_I_ don't desire groups."
3408
3409"Irkens are sociable. They naturally form large crowds. They seek a collective mind and detest individuality."
3410
3411"What are you talking about? I hate crowds. Are you saying I'm not _Irken?" _Zim demanded.
3412
3413"Why do you desire security?"
3414
3415"Why wouldn't I?"
3416
3417"Why do you view security as a specific problem?"
3418
3419Zim shuddered. "I don't trust anybody. They all want a piece of me. They want a piece of Zim. They're jealous, and they… and the humans. They'll destroy me, you know."
3420
3421"I _don't_ know. Why will we destroy you?"
3422
3423Zim snorted. "That's what humans do!"
3424
3425"That's what Irkens do."
3426
3427"Uh-huh." Zim didn't see how the two were mutually exclusive. "I'm here, aren't I?"
3428
3429The human raised its eyebrows slightly but there remained no expression in its voice. "I suppose you are. You have to be somewhere."
3430
3431"You're one of them. You're doing things that… I really never thought anyone would actually _do, _I mean, it's so_…_" He was shaking. _"I_ thought of it, you know."
3432
3433"Did you."
3434
3435"Once. A really long time ago." The words came out slowly. This time, he knew full well he didn't want to say them, but he couldn't stop. "Your experiment. Some of it. Not the diseases, and the… but I didn't go through with it. Well, not with all of it, anyway. It was much too messy." He was… crying? He reached up to dry his eyes. He'd never cried before that he could remember, at least, not like this.
3436
3437"You're becoming emotional," the human noted.
3438
3439Zim nodded, shuddering. It was so unlike him to cry that he felt nothing about it, no shame, no awkwardness, no anger, nothing. It obviously wasn't really him. "I know. You must have done something wrong with my sedatives, I don't cry. Ever." It felt very unpleasant- the tears were hot and wet and relentless. He fiddled with the collar. If this thing was at all responsible for the changes in his behavior, he wanted it off immediately.
3440
3441"You won't be able to remove that. What do you think my experiment is for?"
3442
3443Simple. "You're making soldiers that cannot die in battle and have nothing to live for but the fight. You must want to attack Irk with them, too."
3444
3445"Why do you believe that?"
3446
3447Please, a smeet would have known. This kind of thing was covered in basic training. "Because you're asking me. About Irk. You've obviously done a lot of research, if you even knew what to drug me with. I'm not like you, you know. Your kind of truth serum would have killed me."
3448
3449"You're intelligent." It was not a compliment or statement of flattery, it was a toneless fact.
3450
3451"Yes, very," Zim agreed.
3452
3453"Irkens don't come up with their own ideas."
3454
3455"I do it all the time. Most Invaders do. I'm an Invader. Incidentally, I'd be very interested in hearing where you've gotten all this information. You can't have gotten it yourself, you're a human. You're working with someone, aren't you?" He bared his teeth. "Is it Tak? A Vortian rebel?"
3456
3457The human's eyes and face had not changed throughout the conversation. They did not change now. "Are you typical of your species?"
3458
3459Zim shook his head emphatically. "Heh. _No."_ That should have been obvious too. "Invaders are the elite. And, of course, I'm extra elite."
3460
3461"Do you know any other Irkens who are like yourself? Who are the most intelligent Irkens you know?"
3462
3463Zim's squeedly-spooch was tying itself into knots now. Baring his soul to a human he didn't know and was most likely planning to use the information to destroy him, that was one thing. Treason was another. He ground his teeth together and flexed his claws against the floor. "T- t- _Tak," _he blurted. He couldn't stop. "Tak is smart! Sh-she almost beat me! But she's horrible!"
3464
3465"Where is Tak now?"
3466
3467"In space- somewhere! She might have gone into hyper sleep!" He gagged on his own words. "The Tallest are probably ss-smart. They're s-sooo tall. But that's it, that's all I know-" He bit hard on his own tongue. Ow. "Hnngh!"
3468
3469"Who would come to your aid if you asked them?"
3470
3471"N-nobody at all. My robots are out of commission. Dib hates me. No one else has any obligation to help me."
3472
3473"Why did you investigate our operations?"
3474
3475"I was suspicious."
3476
3477"Why were you suspicious?"
3478
3479"You kidnapped me and lied to me. You said you were working for the Tallest but they said you weren't. It was a _stupid_ story. I found out it was a lie with one video call." He raised an eyebrow. "Was there a point to that?"
3480
3481"How did you find the room we use for experiments?"
3482
3483"I was searching the building."
3484
3485"You acted as if you were apprehensive of that room in particular. Had someone mentioned something to you?"
3486
3487"No, I just didn't like that room. For good reason. You're _sick. _You're a sick, stinky, filthy human," Zim said, "and I hate you, you know." He lay down on the floor, resting his chin on his hands. "You don't even care, huh?" He felt sleepy.
3488
3489The human still wasn't reacting. Irk, this human was boring. It almost made him lonely for one more like Dib or Gaz. "You are implying that you intuited what went on in that room, which is impossible."
3490
3491"I imply no such thing. Intuition is a human invention and lies." Zim was tired of this conversation. He'd already said he wanted to be alone. Humans couldn't take hints either. "Are we _done_ now?"
3492
3493"You had a reason to be apprehensive, then. What was it?"
3494
3495Zim considered it. "There was a faint odor."
3496
3497"You've implied that you find my experiment morally objectionable."
3498
3499Zim hesitated, unsure what this was supposed to mean. "No, I just hate it."
3500
3501"Why?"
3502
3503Zim shook his head. "I just hate it. I hate lots of things, you know."
3504
3505"You don't think of yourself as a moral being, then."
3506
3507"Morals have nothing to do with this."
3508
3509"What kind of weaponry does the Armada have?"
3510
3511"They have-" Zim shot up into a crouching position, his claws digging into the floor and his antennae standing straight up. "What? I'm not telling you that!"
3512
3513The human still had no expression. It wasn't _natural. _"You will. What kind of weaponry?"
3514
3515Zim shook his head. "I'm not authorized to know that. And even if I was I wouldn't-"
3516
3517"You're not authorized. Do you know it anyway?"
3518
3519Zim's breath caught in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut. "Of course I do," he sighed. "I know everything. I make it my business to know."
3520
3521"What kind of weapons?"
3522
3523Zim bit hard on his lower lip. "Nn-nn." No. No way. There was no way he was going to spy for this- this-
3524
3525The human fiddled with something on the dashboard of his scooter and Zim's collar buzzed.
3526
3527"F-18 war-grade missiles, enough to atomize a small planet," he gasped. He retched dryly.
3528
3529"How many?"
3530
3531"Seventeen on the Massive and three on every other ship! There are also lasers, a configuration of forty arranged in a semicircle on the Massive and twelve on the other ships-" He wrapped his arms around his body. He'd broken out in a cold sweat. "There are four plasma shooters on every ship, including the Massive. The pilots are the best alive. They're drilled every day. Sometimes twice a day. I tried out once but they didn't take me." He arched his back as if trying to get his Pak off and then fell in a limp heap. "I-I guess they needed me elsewhere."
3532
3533"How fast could the Armada get here from their current position?"
3534
3535"They're six weeks away right now, and their current course is taking them farther, not nearer."
3536
3537The human nodded and pressed another button.
3538
3539* * *
3540
3541"Mmmmnnnph."
3542
3543Zim felt cold and heavy. After a few tries, he managed to struggle to a sitting position. He remained still for a moment, hanging his head and taking deep breaths. Then he looked up to see a large window a few feet away, set into a bare white wall.
3544
3545The ceiling and floor were white. The room was completely empty. There was no door.
3546
3547His eyelids felt heavy. He reached up to scratch an itch on his neck and found the metal collar was still in place.
3548
3549He moaned low in his throat and started feeling over the surface of the collar.
3550
3551_You won't be able to get that off,_ the human had said.
3552
3553_I am Zim and I can undo anything you've done, _he thought. _You mock me, human. _But the collar was completely smooth, with no buttons or latches.
3554
3555He curled up on the floor, huddled in his own body heat. He was so exhausted that it was hard to do anything.
3556
3557He lay still for a while, just breathing. Then he heard footsteps.
3558
3559There was a human in the room with him; he could smell its thick meaty reek. It was a vaguely familiar reek, too. He sat up.
3560
3561Yes, the human in the room was one he knew… it was the same one, seemingly, that was always hanging around here, that had shown up at Dib's house with a bodyguard in tow. Zim searched his sluggish thoughts and couldn't think of anything to say to it.
3562
3563The human spoke first. "Well, hello, Zim! Nice to see you back."
3564
3565Zim blinked slowly. Had he missed something? The human was smiling sociably as if nothing was wrong at all.
3566
3567For a moment he had a strange feeling of… uncertainty… he was in the same room he'd been in three days ago, with the same human… he'd been ill, maybe… maybe the past few days hadn't even… no, no, that was impossible. His clothes were different and everything.
3568
3569"I was sorry to hear you've had the flu recently," the human was saying. "Are you feeling all right? Need anything?"
3570
3571Zim shook his head.
3572
3573"You look tired."
3574
3575"I assure you, I'm fine," Zim slurred. "Although some peace and quiet would be nice. Peace and quiet with no humans in it."
3576
3577"Of course, I understand," the human said with a bob of his head. "I'll leave you alone."
3578
3579"Yes, you will," Zim said. He put his head down and closed his eyes. He heard the human leave.
3580
3581Obviously, these humans wanted more from him. They would not let him leave again.
3582
3583What did they want? Were they going to pump him for more information? Probably. They'd probably interrogate him for everything he knew and then move on to less pleasant forms of extracting information- information about the physical structure of Irkens. Information gained through dissection, eventually.
3584
3585He could feel the cold air from the window on his face. He shuddered. Inconsiderate pig beasts, leaving the window open to the frigid outside-
3586
3587-wait, what?
3588
3589He picked up his head, blinking. The window was open? To the outside air?
3590
3591He staggered over, putting his hands on the windowsill and closing his eyes. Yes, the air was blowing on his face. He looked out to see the lights of the city several stories below.
3592
3593He stuck his arm out and it went all the way out into the open air. There was nothing keeping him in.
3594
3595What… what were these humans, _stupid? _They'd put him in a room with an open window, without even a screen? What was this?
3596
3597Yeah, sure, there was a twenty-story drop, but…
3598
3599He climbed up onto the windowsill, moving slowly and carefully, babying his still-achy limbs, and sat there, with his feet dangling out. Uhhggh, cold. So cold.
3600
3601He looked down. Earth was far away. He liked it when Earth was far away. He didn't like being able to see so much of it. What an enormous planet…
3602
3603He smoothed back the bases of his antennae. Well, of course if he fell all the way down there he'd die, but he had no intention of falling all the way down. He could catch another windowsill, and then another, and another, all the way down, and thus escape.
3604
3605Truly another brilliant idea from the mind of Zim!
3606
3607Okay, now how to finagle this?
3608
3609He swung his legs in the open air. This almost seemed, eh, too easy. Of course human stupidity knew no bounds but… these particular humans had been displaying far more intelligence than this.
3610
3611Could this be… a test?
3612
3613There was noise behind him. Someone must be coming. He dropped out the window before he could think about it anymore.
3614
3615Zim had taken a lot of falls in his lifetime but he'd never really gotten used to how it felt to first drop, how his organs crammed up into his throat and his adrenaline started going insane. By the time he had recovered his senses and stopped screaming he was four flights down.
3616
3617He twisted and snagged a windowsill. For a moment he thought his shoulders had ripped out of his body. He hung there a moment, panting. It was hard to get his breath back. He tensed all over. His breathing was weakened. This filthy planet had done it to him.
3618
3619His claws dug into the windowsill. He pulled himself up into a room.
3620
3621The room was occupied. Zim froze, staring into the eyes of a scrawny male human in a sort of protective coverall, holding a clipboard.
3622
3623* * *
3624
3625Peter leaned forward, eyes locked on the screen.
3626
3627Greaves cleared his throat. "It's found 199."
3628
3629"199 is a very typical specimen and can be replaced. We can learn more from letting them interact than we can from 199 on its own."
3630
3631Greaves looked away, shaking his head. "I can't believe it actually went out the window. It's insane."
3632
3633Peter felt a twitch of smile at the corner of his mouth, something he hadn't felt in his recent memory.
3634
3635* * *
3636
3637Zim screamed. The human screamed, dropped its clipboard and turned to run.
3638
3639Zim could have gone back out the window, but that had been unpleasant the first time. His shoulders burned and he was still having trouble breathing. And it was because of the humans in this building, and the screaming man was one of those humans, and Zim tackled him.
3640
3641The human was at least twice his size, but he was off balance and Zim was moving fast. The human fell onto his face, crying out and rolling over to face his attacker. Zim grabbed his collar.
3642
3643The human was making a lot of noise and would attract attention. Zim felt cold sweat running down his neck.
3644
3645"What do you do here?" he demanded.
3646
3647"AAH! WHAT ARE YOU? AAA-"
3648
3649Zim clapped his hand over the human's noise hole, baring his teeth. "YOU WILL MAKE SILENCE, YOU REVOLTING WORM!" he snapped in a voice unwittingly far louder than the human's. He kicked the human in the sides. "Tell me what you do here and what you want with me and tell me NOW!"
3650
3651The human's eyes were bulging out of its head and it was shaking. It made muffled noises around Zim's hand. Oh, right, the stupid thing couldn't talk with its mouth covered. Zim withdrew his hand.
3652
3653The human took a deep breath. "AAA-"
3654
3655"SILENCE!" Zim slapped it soundly. There was no one coming yet. Zim remembered that he had turned off quite a few of their test subjects before they found him. He guessed that the building was mostly empty and had a lot of space to navigate and the people in it were scattered. Bad, bad security.
3656
3657The human cringed, whimpering. Its eyes darted up and down Zim's body.
3658
3659"I thought I told you-" Zim took a breath. "-to tell me-"
3660
3661A wicked red light turned on in the human's eyes. It kicked Zim hard in the belly, propelling his light body a foot or two into the air and knocking all the wind out of him.
3662
3663Zim landed on the ground and before he could pick himself up the human had planted a foot on his back. Zim cried out.
3664
3665The human leaned down next to him, grinning evilly. "Hah! That's what you get for messing with-"
3666
3667Zim punched it on the nose and it yelped, withdrawing its foot. Zim stood up on his Paklegs. He was now eye to eye with the human, who was sweating and reeked of fear. Its eyes went up and down the Paklegs.
3668
3669"Cool," it said lamely. "Did you make those?"
3670
3671Zim leaned back and fired one of the legs into the human's arm, pinning it to the wall behind it. The human drew in air in a shuddering gasp, its eyes getting round and glassy.
3672
3673Zim felt light-headed. He could smell the human's blood. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "What do you do here?"
3674
3675There was a funny, distracted calm in the human's eyes. "I do maintenance."
3676
3677"What? No, I mean your experiments!"
3678
3679"Experiments?" The human wrinkled up its nose. "What experiments? I just got here."
3680
3681"You don't _know?"_
3682
3683"No, I just fix the air conditioner. I think there's some weird tech in this building, if that's what you mean, but they won't let me at it."
3684
3685"That's _it?" _Zim snapped. He put a trembling hand to his head. He'd gone to all the trouble of chasing down this filthy creature just to have it be the- the-
3686
3687Wait a minute. This wasn't a very _old _human. In fact…
3688
3689Zim's eyes narrowed. "How old are you?"
3690
3691The human's eyes were wandering towards its bleeding arm.
3692
3693"That's not important, I am," Zim reminded it.
3694
3695"Sixteen," it said.
3696
3697"What?"
3698
3699"I'm sixteen."
3700
3701Sixteen, and scrawny, and really, not very much of a threat at all. In fact Zim probably hadn't even _really _needed to stab it... better safe than sorry. "But… how did you come here?"
3702
3703"I saw a flyer for free money. I- I needed money."
3704
3705The human was young. Healthy- or had been before Zim stabbed it- average build, average features. In fact, if Zim had been hunting for test subjects, he might very well have grabbed this specimen for himself.
3706
3707"But why are they letting you roam the… of course, _duh, _they're observing your behavior. Or maybe you're a control specimen…" He was thinking aloud. He didn't really have any idea what was going on here.
3708
3709"Huh?"
3710
3711"How did they give you this job?"
3712
3713The human's eyes were losing focus, it was about to pass out. Zim leaned in close, cupping the human's jaw in his hand. Irk, it stank. "You will tell Zim how you came to be here!"
3714
3715Its eyelids fluttered. "No, I think I'll take a little-"
3716
3717Zim pricked its soft under-jaw skin with his claws. It yelped. "How?"
3718
3719"I came in. They had a doctor look at me and they asked what I was good at and they said they wanted me to do a few jobs so I said 'Hey, babe, that's false advertising', but…" The human was looking at its arm again.
3720
3721Zim withdrew the leg and the human slumped into a pile on the floor. Zim was still a moment. He thought he could hear motion down the hall…
3722
3723He turned to leave, then paused and looked back at the human, who was breathing raggedly, his arm making a dark puddle on the floor.
3724
3725What did it matter to Zim whether that human wound up as a ragged chunk of flesh in a capsule? The stupid thing hadn't been any help anyway.
3726
3727He definitely heard footsteps. He ran back into what he had thought was the room with the window, but now there was no window.
3728
3729No window, and only one door.
3730
3731Zim turned. There was a human blocking the door.
3732
3733Zim backed up, hissing.
3734
3735The human backed up as well. It was a female, and it didn't seem any older than the one Zim had just stabbed. It was deathly pale and staring. "Whoa. What are you?"
3736
3737"What I am is none of your business! Leave me alone and I won't hurt you!" he spat.
3738
3739"Hurt me?" She scoffed. "You're tiny!"
3740
3741Zim opened his mouth to scream his credentials at her, but then something else occurred to him. "Look down the hall."
3742
3743The human did so, and it started screaming like a banshee. It ran out of the doorway.
3744
3745Zim pressed his body against the wall. He heard the two humans screeching at each other. Irk, it was just an arm wound. Relatively small and clean. It had been bleeding, but a simple tourniquet would…
3746
3747He sank to a sitting position. His head felt light and gray. Some of that human's blood had gotten on his shoe. It smelled awful.
3748
3749He took a deep, shuddering breath, putting his head in his hands. His breathing was fast and harsh and he couldn't get it to slow. Everything was spinning. He felt nauseated and cold, and… and…
3750
3751His cheek hit the floor. He could still hear the humans freaking out outside, but eventually their noise just… faded away.
3752
3753
3754	10. Breakin'
3755
3756Dib slouched low in his seat, making slow passes back and forth in Tak's ship. He had watched what Zim was doing and learned how to work the cloaking devices. Anyone watching would see a dingy beige van.
3757
3758He was watching General Labs's front door and wondering what to do next. Going straight in the front door was probably not the best idea. However, the building didn't seem to have any windows…
3759
3760Dib drummed his fingers on the control panel. He sat straight up. Someone was exiting the building, a teenage kid, all hunched over a bandaged arm in a sling. He looked a little older than Dib.
3761
3762Dib parked the ship and got out, going over to the boy, who was fumbling with the door on his own car, a sleek little black number. He was making the sniffly, hitching, gasping, shuddering noises that follow a good cry. He caught Dib's approach out of the corner of his eye and whipped around, gasping. He looked all blotchy.
3763
3764"Wh-what do you want?" he cried.
3765
3766Dib went with his instincts. He grinned. "I'm one of the staff drivers, they sent me to make sure you get home safely."
3767
3768The boy recoiled, looking a bit like an animal in a trap. "Bull, you're younger than I am!"
3769
3770"Well, they- they thought you'd be more comfortable with someone around your age."
3771
3772The boy slumped against the car, eyes downcast. Every line of his body was suddenly submissive. "Oh, fine, just get me outta here. I feel sick and my arm hurts."
3773
3774He tossed the keys at Dib, who caught them. Dib unlocked the doors. The kid got in the passenger's seat and Dib got in the driver's side.
3775
3776He started the engine. It made a nice, smooth noise. "So, where do you live?"
3777
3778"Pretty far away. I'm staying in a hotel. Uhh… Ramada." The kid looked out the window.
3779
3780"Wait, you're not here on vacation, are you?" No one came to this stinking town for a vacation. No one. No one sane, at least.
3781
3782"My dad has a business trip." The boy yawned convulsively. "I didn'twanna come, but my mom said we needed 'time as a family'." His tone was nasty. Dib didn't really care about this kid's family issues. He would change the subject.
3783
3784"Which Ramada?"
3785
3786"Um… it's on Main Street." The boy closed his eyes and leaned against the window. "Is it okay if I sleep?"
3787
3788"No, actually."
3789
3790"Oh." He slumped in disappointment.
3791
3792"I have, uh… survey questions," Dib explained.
3793
3794"Bah, get it over with." The tone was not very respectful. Dib already knew he didn't like this kid.
3795
3796Everything around the car was cold and gray and dead. Snowflakes flitted down from a sky the color of a fish's belly. Everything looked dirty. This was _not _a vacation town. He cast about for survey-ish questions. "How did you enjoy your experience?"
3797
3798The kid tensed up. "It was terrible! It was the worst thing that ever happened to me! I hated it!"
3799
3800Huh. Okay. "I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
3801
3802The kid scowled and pointed to his arm. "What do you think happened, dork?"
3803
3804Dib barely heard the insult, focusing on the data relevant to the investigation. "How did that happen?"
3805
3806The kid blinked. "I… think I slipped," he said uncertainly.
3807
3808"What- you don't know?"
3809
3810The kid turned to look out the window. He looked a little green. "No, I don't," he whispered.
3811
3812The kid was wearing an earring. A big, ugly square black one with a flashing red light on it, not very fashionable. Hmm.
3813
3814"Oh my gosh!" Dib pointed theatrically. "There's a huge, ugly bee on your ear!"
3815
3816"What?" The kid started to flail. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"
3817
3818"Hold on, I'll get it!" He leaned in, ripping off the earring and tossing it out the window. "Got it!"
3819
3820"Wow, thanks," the kid panted. "I didn't know they had bees in the winter in North America. I-" He froze suddenly, a look on his face Dib couldn't quite read, and then he ripped the door open and leaned out, retching.
3821
3822They were going at like, 60 miles an hour. Dib quickly pulled over.
3823
3824The kid finished puking and burst into tears. Dib had grown up with a father who knew only science and a sister who knew only rage, and he had no idea what to do with a crier. He looked out the window. "There, there," he said lamely. Privately, he thought the other boy seemed like a whiner.
3825
3826"There was a monster," the kid sobbed, voice husky. "He s-stabbed me."
3827
3828"Really? What kind of monster?" Dib raised an eyebrow. "Was it tiny and green?"
3829
3830The kid nodded, putting his free hand over his face. "He asked all these questions and he-" He drew in a hitching breath and then turned on Dib, baring his teeth. Fear stretched to the point of aggressive self-defense. It was a look Dib had seen on Zim's face several times, and it usually preceded violence.
3831
3832"What do you want from me? You're one of _them,_ aren't you?" His eyes narrowed. "You're trying to _kidnap me!" _
3833
3834"No, no. I'm trying to take down General Labs. They're evil, you know. They tried to wipe your memory," Dib said, though he wasn't so sure someone in this condition could be reasoned with.
3835
3836The boy tensed, moving into a half-crouch, as if he was preparing to lunge at Dib. Dib was used to fighting, but he was used to fighting Zim, who was small and light. However, Zim did have military training, he had no sense of fair fighting or value for the lives of human beings, and he was preternaturally strong for his size. Dib hadn't fought another human in a while and he wasn't sure how the two would compare. In a physical altercation with Zim, Dib usually won.
3837
3838"I can't believe you! I can't believe anyone anymore! You all just believe I believe any crap you want me to believe! Nuh-uh! No more! I can't take it!" The other boy was on the verge of hysteria… okay, maybe a little over the verge.
3839
3840"I'm the good guy here, you know," Dib insisted.
3841
3842The boy tried to spit derisively but it got stuck on his lower lip. Ew.
3843
3844Dib continued to speak. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to take you home to your hotel. But it would help me out a lot if you could tell me what you know about General Labs-"
3845
3846"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, _shuddup!" _The boy crunched himself into a ball, hiding his face behind his arm. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-" Okay, he was straight-up hysterical. Dib slapped him. He squeaked. "DON'T HURT ME!"
3847
3848Dib pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're making me miss talking to Zim! Do you know how terrible that makes you?"
3849
3850The kid scrunched up his nose, staring at Dib like Dib had two heads. "What the _heck _is a Zim?"
3851
3852* * *
3853
3854Dib could get no more information out of the other kid. He dropped him off at his hotel, called a taxi from a pay phone, and asked the driver to take him home.
3855
3856He now knew Zim was inside General Labs. He did not know where he was inside the building- General Labs was huge, and when Dib had been briefly inside he hadn't exactly seen any helpful maps of the place.
3857
3858And even if he didn't believe Zim, Agent Fishsticks, _and _the hysterical kid that the people in the building were bad, bad news (and by now there was no real reason not to), the chances of those people being okay with Dib just hanging out looking for the alien specimen they had stolen were low. Busting in unprepared would not help Zim and would probably land Dib in as least as much trouble as the Irken was in.
3859
3860Dib slipped into a secret entrance behind his house. He knew there was a good chance his home was still being watched.
3861
3862He went down into the basement and got his stealth suit. He went up to the living room. Since he was here, he had to see if Gaz was okay.
3863
3864She was sitting on the couch watching TV. GIR was next to her.
3865
3866"Gaz! What's he doing here?" Dib asked.
3867
3868"He has a game system in his head," Gaz said. "But he's so annoying."
3869
3870GIR was limp, his eyes dark. He'd been turned off. Dib assumed he'd showed up looking for Zim, since Zim hadn't been home in days.
3871
3872GIR had a habit of showing up out of nowhere whenever Zim called, even if there seemed to be no way for the robot to find his master. A radio link?
3873
3874"May I… borrow him?" Dib asked. "Wait, what about the men who were here?"
3875
3876"They left." There seemed to be a dark world of meaning lurking behind those words, a world Dib did not want to enter.
3877
3878"Oh," he said. "Uh, okay."
3879
3880"You can have him," Gaz said, tossing GIR at Dib. "Have fun."
3881
3882Dib caught GIR and staggered out of the house, where the taxi was waiting. He plopped GIR next to him in the seat and told the taxi driver to take him to General Labs.
3883
3884Dib got out and paid the taxi driver. He looked at GIR's dead, deactivated form. He didn't actually know how to turn it back on.
3885
3886He turned GIR back and forth in his hands for a moment, then flicked the antenna on his head. Nothing. He tried twisting the antennae. Nothing. He slammed GIR's head against the ground. GIR's eyes blinked on, solid red.
3887
3888"Hey," Dib said. "I need you to find Zim."
3889
3890"You are a human!" GIR growled. A big cannon emerged from his head. Oh no.
3891
3892"Wait! This is important! Zim's in trouble. Big trouble. He might be dead by now." And if he was, goldarn it that corpse belonged at Swollen Eyeball headquarters with Dib's name on it, not here in this weird space-agey skyscraper.
3893
3894GIR's eyes turned blue. "Oh, yay!"
3895
3896"So I need you to take me to him right now," Dib said. He turned the stealth suit on.
3897
3898GIR squealed. "Where did you go? Where are you?"
3899
3900"I'm right here! I'm cloaked, so they can't see me." Dib grabbed GIR's cold metal shoulder. GIR started licking the back of one hand like a cat. "We have to find Zim because… he has that… thing you love."
3901
3902GIR's eyes widened. "Piggy?"
3903
3904"Uh… yeah. He's got Piggy and they're both… on fire."
3905
3906GIR jet into the air without a warning, leaving Dib to hold on for dear life as they went upwards, straight up, fast up, windows of the building blurring by. They dove into one window and Dib was smashed against the ground. GIR sat down on the floor, looking suddenly bored.
3907
3908Dib got to his feet, shaking the ringing sound out of his ears. He was in a small, plain, metal room. There was a cot near the wall. Zim was curled up on it, clearly sleeping or unconscious.
3909
3910Dib went over to Zim and shook him gently. Zim whimpered softly but did not stir.
3911
3912Dib picked him up. The little alien felt very small and light, like a toy. He moved about as much as one, too.
3913
3914All right, how to get out? Guards would probably come running any second, there was no visible door, and even if there had been he wouldn't have been able to get out of the building quickly.
3915
3916He went over to GIR. "Okay, I need you to fly us out," he said. "Right now?"
3917
3918"Duuude," GIR said. "Duuuuude. Doooooooooooooooo…"
3919
3920"Please. Come on." Zim stirred. Dib squatted down on the ground, holding Zim by the shoulders. "Zim, wake up. I need you to make your stupid robot do stuff, okay? Zim!"
3921
3922He shook Zim a little. No response. Maybe he was in another one of those 'repair cycles' he'd mentioned.
3923
3924Wait a minute, what was Dib doing? He'd just hit on how to make GIR function two minutes ago, had he already forgotten? He tucked Zim under one arm and grabbed GIR's shoulder. "Hey, GIR. Piggy is now down in the parking lot… and a mean man is trying to make him into sausage!"
3925
3926"NO!" GIR screamed. He tore away and dove out the window- alone. "PIGGYYY!"
3927
3928That left Dib with a half-dead alien and no escape route. Oh, boy.
3929
3930Before his eyes, the window disappeared into the wall with a soft humming noise. Dib was now in a metal box… no windows, no doors, not even any visible air vents. There were no visible lights, either, but everything was brightly lit anyway. It didn't make sense.
3931
3932Zim was stirring ever-so-slightly, his eyelids flickering to reveal a dark sliver of maroon. "Dib?" His voice was thick and cloggy.
3933
3934"You have any ideas how to get out of here?" Dib sighed.
3935
3936"I…" He sounded as if he was still mostly unconscious. There was a thick metal band around his neck, with a flashing light on it. It couldn't possibly be a good thing that that was there. "I can… stab you right here," Zim mumbled, raising one small hand (he was so small and rather frail-looking, it was funny to think about how dangerous he could really be- and his size certainly didn't help Dib convince people he was a threat) and sort of flapping it in Dib's general direction before letting it fall back. "Then you will… remove my Pak, while you bleed to death…"
3937
3938Dib let the words sink in, mulled over their meaning a bit, sorted them in his mind, made certain that he had the meaning correct- Zim's communication abilities were shaky at best and he often said things that sounded, at first hearing, as if they meant something very different from what he intended.
3939
3940However, in the end, Dib decided that his first impression was correct and Zim had just suggested a murder/suicide pact.
3941
3942"Yeah, that's real tempting but no," he said. There was a prickly feeling on the back of his neck, as if he was being watched. Hidden surveillance? Oh yeah. Definitely. "Any other ideas?"
3943
3944Zim's eyes were closed. "You don't know… what I seen… saw… in here… what they…"
3945
3946"All right, no good ideas. Don't talk any more. I have to think." Dib looked around the inside of the room. Bare. Empty. Now, not even Professor Membrane could shift matter around so easily, so there must merely be holograms blocking the doors and windows.
3947
3948Zim coughed weakly. "They will destroy us… my enemy…"
3949
3950"Zim, shut up."
3951
3952"My best enemy…" The tone was maudlin.
3953
3954"Shut up."
3955
3956"Dib Membrane?"
3957
3958Dib turned to see two bulky men standing in the room that hadn't been there before. He stood up, holding his specimen protectively to his chest. (The specimen struggled weakly.) "Yeah?"
3959
3960"Put the Irken on the cot," one of the bulky men said.
3961
3962"We both know you're just going to cut him up," said Dib.
3963
3964The man's voice was smooth and even. "Isn't that what you want, Dib?"
3965
3966"No," Dib said. "I don't want _you_ to cut him up. _I_ want to be the one to cut him up."
3967
3968"We could work together. We believe you, Dib. We know the Irken is a threat to our existence. _You_ know this." One of the men took a step forward. "Put it down. Stop protecting it."
3969
3970"He's a male, by the way," Dib said. "Straight antennae, slightly different skeletal structure- but mostly it's in the antennae, since Irkens don't reproduce sexually. However, they still think of themselves as gendered-" He cut himself off. This wasn't important right now. But gosh, the nerve of these people, thinking they were better equipped to handle Dib's alien when they didn't even know he was gendered. "Oh, and his name's Zim. You'd know that if you talked to him." He rolled his eyes. "At all."
3971
3972The men were quiet for a minute. "Hand us the specimen."
3973
3974"Nuh-uh." Dib backed up some more. "He's mine." And he was also a decent hostage. These guys couldn't attack Dib without wounding Zim. "Besides, how do I know you want him for the right reasons? I've heard some pretty shifty things about your operations."
3975
3976The men were still a moment, the one on his right with his head tilted slightly. Dib saw they were wearing earpieces.
3977
3978The guy on the right whipped out a gun and pointed it at Dib's legs. He pulled the trigger before Dib could dodge. Dib expected to hear a gunshot, followed by excruciating pain, but instead he collapsed to the floor as all sensation went out of his legs.
3979
3980He looked down at the lower half of his body, half expecting it not to be there anymore. No, he still had legs, but they were completely numb.
3981
3982Another shot disabled his arms. Dib was left helpless on the ground, like a turtle on its back. Great. Just fantastic.
3983
3984Zim wriggled out of Dib's limp noodle arms. He curled up on Dib's chest like a cat. His Pak was jammed up against Dib's chin.
3985
3986"Hey, move it," he said. "Get your alien butt off me."
3987
3988Zim said nothing. Dib could hear him breathing heavily. He had a gross, musty sick smell.
3989
3990Dib wriggled his spine, trying to throw Zim off, but the Irken just dug his claws in. Ouch.
3991
3992The men were standing over Dib, looking down at the two of them with unconcealed disgust. Zim tensed up. He hissed, loudly.
3993
3994"You're crazy," Dib said.
3995
3996One of the men reached down towards Zim, who made a weak attempt to slap his hands away. The man grabbed Zim by the collar. The other one put something over Dib's face…
3997
3998* * *
3999
4000Dib opened his eyes to what looked like the same plain metal ceiling he'd passed out under. He sat up. He was in a different room. This one was bigger, and had a chair in it, and a toilet and sink.
4001
4002He felt completely alert, as if he'd never been unconscious. He checked himself for unauthorized devices and found nothing.
4003
4004One of the walls was transparent. Dib could look directly into the next room, which had the same furnishings as his own, plus a bed, plus Zim, who was kneeling in the corner with his face to the wall and his head hanging, as if someone had put him in time-out. He was trembling.
4005
4006Dib knocked on the wall. Zim sat up straight as an arrow and turned around, panting, eyes wide.
4007
4008"Just me, come on," Dib called. There was a slot in the wall, not large enough to put anything through, but presumably large enough to hear Dib through, because Zim was coming closer. He looked a little unsteady, but not as much as Dib would have thought. He looked quite a bit more alert than he had that morning. How long had Dib been out?
4009
4010Zim sat down on his side of the see-through wall. His face was blotchy and swollen. Some new symptom? Just great. The way he looked reminded Dib of something, but he wasn't sure what.
4011
4012There was murder in Zim's eyes. He pressed the palms of his hands up against his side of the wall. Dib noted absent-mindedly that Zim had slightly less pigment on the palms of his hands than the backs, just like a human.
4013
4014"Get me out of here," Zim said.
4015
4016"I don't think there is a way out of here."
4017
4018Zim shuddered, baring his teeth. "Fine. I'll just rescue _myself. _Again!" He stood up, looked around, and sank back into a sitting position. He was breathing heavily. He reached up with one hand and started fiddling with the tip of one antenna the way an anxious human might tug at an earlobe or twirl a lock of hair.
4019
4020"How long was I out?" Dib asked.
4021
4022"I don't know. Too long! Hours!" He wrung his hands. His face was damp and his eyes looked puffy and irritated. Wait a minute, Dib knew where he had seen that look before, he'd just seen it on that weird crying kid Zim had stabbed in the arm. But that would mean- no, there was no way. Right?
4023
4024"Zim, you weren't _crying," _Dib said, sounding scandalized to himself.
4025
4026Zim recoiled, flinching. He looked caught. Guilty. Even shamed, which was not an expression Dib associated with Zim. And then he looked angry. _"No, _I was _not crying!" _he spat, slamming both fists into the divider. "What do you think I am, Dib? A human worm? A smeet?"
4027
4028"N-"
4029
4030"Because I'm _not! _I'm an Invader, an Irken Invader! I will _not_ be defeated!" He brought his fists back down on the wall. He was shaking. "I will never be defeated and I will certainly not be defeated by the fools in this building! DO YOU HEAR ME?"
4031
4032Dib said nothing. His heart was sinking in his chest and his skin felt cold and clammy. He sat down, slowly, folding his legs under his body, watching Zim swallow hard and blot his eyes with his sleeve.
4033
4034"This is your fault! Did you hear me, you filthy _worm?_ I said this is all because of _you!" _That last word was a hysterical shriek.
4035
4036"I should have listened to you," Dib said. "But wait. It's not my fault I didn't listen. It's not like you're trustworthy. You lie to me all the time. How could I have known this was different? And I'm not the one who walked right into this in the first place."
4037
4038"You." Zim got up and tottered away a few feet, looking away from Dib. His voice was husky. "I don't know… what they have in store for me… might put me out of my misery, but you… I _know_ what they're going to do to _you…"_
4039
4040"All right. All right, stop it," Dib said. His heart was beating fast. "This can't possibly be as bad as you think it is. Calm down."
4041
4042But he still felt awfully clammy. GIR did not follow normal logic, Gaz did not do nice things, Professor Membrane did not recognize anything paranormal as legitimate science and Zim did not cry. Not in the normal world Dib lived in.
4043
4044Zim slammed up against the divider. He would be in here attacking Dib if he had his way, Dib suspected. "How can you be so- _Dib! _How can you _sit _there while I-"
4045
4046"While you fall apart?" He shrugged. "I guess I'm just made of stronger stuff than you are."
4047
4048Zim's eyes narrowed.
4049
4050He had recently been very sick, almost dead, Dib reflected. He had to still be weak, exhausted, strung out, on edge, not in his right mind, anxious, neurotic, unstable, much more prone to emotional outbursts than usual. This wasn't anywhere near as big a deal as Zim thought it was. Couldn't be. The guy was scared of the animatronics from Bloaty's!
4051
4052Then again, the animatronics from Bloaty's were pretty creepy.
4053
4054Zim was walking away, huddling in his little corner of shame again, not looking at Dib. Dib cleared his throat.
4055
4056"By the way, what is it that you 'know' is gonna happen to me?"
4057
4058Zim looked over his shoulder, fixing one dull reddish-pink eye on Dib. Then he looked away. "I don't want to talk about it," he sighed.
4059
4060"Fine. I'm done talking to you."
4061
4062Agent Fishsticks had pretty much been over it all already. Dib shuddered.
4063
4064He examined every inch of his cell. Everything was one with the walls and the floor and completely smooth and without breaks, or at least, not breaks that were detectable by human senses.
4065
4066But there was a funny spot in one wall where his fingers tingled ever-so-slightly when he touched it.
4067
4068"It opens my cell."
4069
4070"Huh?" Dib turned to see Zim lying on his side on his cot with his back turned to Dib.
4071
4072"If you poke that spot it opens my cell."
4073
4074"What? Why would it do that?"
4075
4076Zim sighed. "Because there's a place on my wall that opens yours."
4077
4078"Say what?"
4079
4080"Found it. Opened door. Shut door." His voice was a dull, churlish mumble, a pouting, overtired child.
4081
4082"Buh- wha- then why didn't you let me out?" Dib asked. "Come on, I know you don't like me, and I don't like you, but-"
4083
4084"Because there _is no way out of here!" _Zim sat up, still with his face turned away. "What do you think is on the other side of that door, you squealing _fool? _Nothing! They put these switches here to see what we'd do. They know we can get out and they have guards directly outside, waiting to grab us and do something horrible._"_
4085
4086"Hmph," said Dib. That pretty much made sense, actually. He wouldn't admit aloud that it made sense. "If we sit in here they're just going to come for us eventually. At least if we go out, we have a _chance! _Come on, just open my door. You don't care what happens to me anyway."
4087
4088Zim lay back down on his side, grunting. Clearly, he was going to keep Dib trapped here out of spite.
4089
4090Dib jabbed the spot on his one wall and sure enough, a wall of Zim's cell disappeared.
4091
4092Zim yelped, sitting bolt upright. He stared at the empty hallway beyond the missing wall.
4093
4094"There aren't any guards," Dib said.
4095
4096"There's _something. _I'm not goin' out there." Zim lay back down, folding up into a tense ball.
4097
4098Dib snorted. "You're scared."
4099
4100There was a long pause.
4101
4102"You feel no fear, Dib, because you are a stubborn fool."
4103
4104Dib's eyebrows shot up. "You're scared!"
4105
4106"I didn't say that," Zim said rather quickly. "I just said _you_ should be scared. You're human, you know."
4107
4108"You're scared! Oh, man!" Dib pressed his nose up against the glass divider. "You won't even leave your little room because you're scared to death of an empty hallway!" Although in truth Dib knew the alien was right and the hallway probably wasn't _really _empty.
4109
4110Zim said nothing. His right antenna twitched, the bladed tip switching through the air in an arc.
4111
4112"Man, if you let me out of here, I'd be gone." Dib shook his head. "I could take whatever they might throw at me."
4113
4114"Well, of course you could, Dib, that's why you're in here. With me. In a _box!" _Zim's body shuddered with the force of that last sentence.
4115
4116Dib had no counter for that, so he tried another tack. "And your door's open and you're just lying there in a heap."
4117
4118"I'm letting them come to me. Then I'll destroy them." Zim sounded as if he didn't really expect Dib to believe that. He put the back of his arm over his eyes. "Why tire myself seeking them out?"
4119
4120"Yeah, right. Fraidy cat."
4121
4122"I'm not a cat." His tone was matter-of-fact.
4123
4124"Chicken."
4125
4126"I'm not a chicken."
4127
4128"Pansy."
4129
4130Zim looked over his shoulder. His eyebrows were furrowed. "I'm not a _flower..."_
4131
4132Dib rolled his eyes. "I know what you are."
4133
4134"Then why-" He shook his head. "Schoolyard taunts, Dib? I'm disappointed in you. Even Torque Smackey doesn't stoop that low."
4135
4136"You're still scared." Zim turned back to the wall, burrowing his head into the pillow. Dib scowled. "Crybaby."
4137
4138Zim's shoulders tensed.
4139
4140"You're just a little green crybaby," Dib said. "You were bawling the whole time I was out, weren't you? When you're in _real_ trouble, you cry and give up."
4141
4142Zim sat up, reached out and pressed the heel of his hand against a spot on the wall. Dib's cell opened.
4143
4144Dib dashed out into the hall before the capricious little jerk could change his mind. He turned and looked into Zim's cell. The Irken was ignoring him again.
4145
4146"You're really just gonna sit there? Huh?"
4147
4148No answer.
4149
4150"Sheesh. Some Invader."
4151
4152Zim was trembling. "Go."
4153
4154"I can't believe this, you really-"
4155
4156"I'll kill you."
4157
4158His tone made it clear that he would at least try.
4159
4160Dib didn't need that at the moment. "Fine," he said. "Bye."
4161
4162He turned and walked down the hallway.
4163
4164
4165	11. Zim Scared Stupid
4166
4167Gaz looked out the window at a thick layer of undisturbed snow.
4168
4169That snow should have been trampled down by now, pounded into the ground by her brother and his stupid little playmate. Gaz exhaled onto the window and watched the fog made by her breath disappear back into the air. The house was silent. It should not have been silent.
4170
4171She began to grind her teeth together. This was too long for Dib to be gone. The holiday season was approaching and their father could come home for a visit any day between now and New Year's Eve. He didn't like it when he came home and Dib wasn't there.
4172
4173She turned away from the window, padding noiselessly up the stairs towards her bedroom. It was time to end this nonsense. Especially if whatever Dib was doing now was going to cause more of those thugs to show up. Getting rid of them was a waste of time Gaz could spend playing video games.
4174
4175* * *
4176
4177Zim stared at the doorway leading out of his room into the empty hall.
4178
4179He did not know or care how long ago he had seen Dib vanish down that hall. He was sure Dib wasn't coming back this time. It wasn't possible for the human to survive _that _long… even though Dib was infuriatingly good at surviving…
4180
4181There was no point in trying to find him and there was no point in trying to leave and there was just no point to doing anything because nothing was going to work and everything was ruined.
4182
4183Zim let his body go limp. His arm slipped off the edge of the cot and his eyes closed.
4184
4185There was a dull ache in his chest when he breathed deep. The feeling nagged at him in a weird way that made him want to keep breathing deep… it was like the toothache that makes you want to keep exploring it with your tongue.
4186
4187There was a light raspy sound to his breathing. He wondered how long it would take for his Pak to fix the residual damage. He might be dead before it could happen… cut into little pieces.
4188
4189This seemed like such a cruel fate… and so completely unfair. He heaved a deep sigh-
4190
4191-and then suddenly he was sitting up and one side of his face stung.
4192
4193He was blinking into the face of an impassive Gaz. "Wuh…"
4194
4195He reached up to rub crusts out of the corners of his eyes. There was dried spit in the corner of his mouth… had he actually managed to fall asleep again? "Gaz?"
4196
4197"Where is Dib?"
4198
4199"Who?" He tried to lie back down. She slapped him soundly. Now both sides of his face stung equally. Zim realized this was likely the second time she had slapped him. He sat bolt upright. "You can't do that!"
4200
4201"Where is Dib?" she repeated, loudly, slowly and clearly.
4202
4203"I don't _know." _Zim's head felt much clearer, suddenly, than it had in a while, and his chest didn't hurt anymore. "You can't hit me like that."
4204
4205She brought her hand back again and he caught her wrist mid-swing. Her eyes opened wide, her pupils fixed straight into the centers of Zim's own solid eyes- once he had figured out what human pupils were for (it had taken him a while), it had struck him how weirdly _pinpointed _that gaze of theirs was and sometimes it just made him feel like something under a microscope (and it didn't help that the insectoid species here were all tiny and microscope-able, like the miniscule monkey creatures on Irk) when they looked at him like that, mostly when Dib looked at him like that, but when Gaz cared to do it, she was just as bad, especially when- like now- she radiated anger and hate, so strong that she seemed to smell of it. Zim was far from in tune with other people's emotions but Gaz was far from hard to read.
4206
4207He stared at her right back, narrowing his eyes… he had to look just as unsettling to her as she did to him, he thought, and it didn't occur to him that this was the first time he'd consciously thought anything of the kind.
4208
4209It seemed like both a long and short time that they just kind of sat there frozen, him with a death grip on her wrist, both of them glaring at each other.
4210
4211"Let go of me," she said.
4212
4213He opened his mouth to tell her not to raise her hand to him again, but between the words forming in his brain and reaching his tongue, a million different feelings and impressions from the past few days of torture flashed by in an instant and what he said was: "I'll help you find your brother if you do one thing for me."
4214
4215"What?"
4216
4217"Help me find the leader of this place and help me kill him."
4218
4219* * *
4220
4221Behind the safe walls of his sanctuary, watching this exchange on his monitoring screens, Peter snorted derisively. Typical Irken.
4222
4223He checked to make sure all the shields were up around his command center. They were.
4224
4225* * *
4226
4227"I'm not going to make some kind of stupid deal with you," Gaz said.
4228
4229"Think of it like a video game."
4230
4231"This is nothing like a video game."
4232
4233He was still holding her wrist. "Yes, it is, it's like when you have those stupid villagers that want you to get them something and you have to do it because they have something you need for an objective and the game isn't programmed to let you kill them."
4234
4235"I don't play those kinds of games." She sounded mildly petulant. "They're for girls."
4236
4237He gave her a slow smile. "I just change the programming so I can kill them."
4238
4239Her eyes had drifted shut but now they were open and staring at him again. "You _go _into the _code_ so you can get out of a two-minute side quest?"
4240
4241His arm was getting tired. He let go of her wrist. "Yes." Of course it was more about the senseless killing than getting out of side quests. "Of course, it only takes me a minute, you wouldn't know-"
4242
4243"So, using your analogy, I should just kill you and go find Dib on my own," she said.
4244
4245Could Gaz really do that? No, she couldn't possibly. Maybe she could. "No, um, that's not at all what- I- no. Oh, forget it." He looked away. "I'll just have to do it myself. As usual! As for Dib, I don't know where he is anyway. He's probably dead."
4246
4247Gaz's eyebrows rose. "Wow. You're really bad at this."
4248
4249He grunted.
4250
4251For some reason, Gaz was just standing there and watching him and not leaving. He assumed she was watching him, anyway, her darn eyes were closed. How could she even _see?_ "Why do you even want to find this guy?" She sounded bored. "And if it takes five minutes and a lot of screaming to explain why, forget it."
4252
4253Zim made a scoffing noise, flopping back down on the cot. "Because if he's alive we can't escape."
4254
4255"You mean_ you_ can't escape."
4256
4257"_We _can't escape."
4258
4259"Psh."
4260
4261He closed his eyes. "I don't know how you got in here, but just try leaving. I dare you."
4262
4263She walked away. Zim listened to his own breathing. He was as sure as he could be that he wasn't going to fall asleep anymore, but he didn't particularly have any other ideas of what to do with himself.
4264
4265Except wait for Gaz to come back.
4266
4267And were those her footsteps? Why, they were.
4268
4269"The _door _is gone," she said.
4270
4271"Not my fault."
4272
4273"How did you-" She paused. "How long have you been in here?"
4274
4275"Don't know."
4276
4277"And if the door is gone, how did you expect to go find this guy?"
4278
4279"It's not _gone,_ Gaz. It's hiding."
4280
4281"Sure, that makes sense."
4282
4283Zim sat up, heaving a sigh. "The doors are behind some kind of combined hologram and force field. It's not hard to take down with the proper tools."
4284
4285"And you have those tools?"
4286
4287"I will if you can remove _this." _He gestured at his neck. The collar they'd put on him felt heavy and cold. "It's messing with my Pak."
4288
4289She made a sniffing noise and came closer, taking hold of the collar. He closed his eyes, hissing slightly. He could feel her fingers brushing his throat. He did not particularly like having a human fiddling about near his neck.
4290
4291"Yeah, looks like you can't do this with three fingers," she said.
4292
4293"Silence!"
4294
4295"It's true. If you want me to take this off, don't yell in my face. Your breath smells like alien." He heard a few light clicking noises, and the collar was gone. He let out a deep breath.
4296
4297"I just said don't breathe on me," Gaz said.
4298
4299Zim popped up on his Pak extensions. It felt good.
4300
4301"Are you going to do that laugh thing?" Gaz asked.
4302
4303Zim was not going to do the 'laugh thing'. He didn't feel quite _that _good. He shook his head.
4304
4305"Oh," said Gaz. "Whatever. Now if you can't really work the doors I _will _hurt you."
4306
4307He grunted and headed out of the room into- oh, what a surprise, a plain white hallway. He started feeling along the walls, vaguely conscious of Gaz scowling at the back of his head the whole time.
4308
4309Here, this part of the wall seemed a bit funny. He shorted it out and a doorway appeared.
4310
4311"It's just an empty room," Gaz said.
4312
4313"Most of them are," Zim mumbled, walking away from her.
4314
4315"This place is stupid."
4316
4317Zim didn't say anything. He'd successfully enlisted Gaz. So what? There was still just as much of no way out of here as before.
4318
4319He went into the room and started casting about for another hidden door or window. He found a window and un-shielded it.
4320
4321They were about four stories up and it was pitch black outside. It had been morning when he'd been taken, so he'd been here at least a day. Maybe more.
4322
4323There didn't seem to be anything else of interest in the room. He wandered back out into the hall.
4324
4325"Do you even know where to find this guy?" Gaz asked.
4326
4327"What guy?"
4328
4329"This leader guy."
4330
4331"Oh. I dunno." He looked at the floor.
4332
4333Gaz waved her hand in front of his eyes. He turned and hissed at her. She pulled away, grunting. "Stop moping around. Whiner. You're making me sick."
4334
4335He scoffed and looked away. "Do _you _have any bright ideas? _Human?"_
4336
4337She cupped her hands around her mouth and started calling. "DIB! GET YOUR FAT HEAD OUT HERE!"
4338
4339"Please! That won't work, there's no way he can hear y-"
4340
4341Dib appeared around the corner, wild-eyed. Zim skittered backwards several feet. "Gaz? Gaz, what are you doing here?" the boy yapped. "Zim! Did you bring her here?"
4342
4343"Are you _insane?" _Zim's voice came out rough and louder than he expected. "I can't get out! I CAN'T GET OUT, HOW COULD I BRING ANYONE HERE?"
4344
4345"WELL, _SORRY!" _Dib snapped. "I'm not okay with seeing my little sister show up in this DEATH TRAP!"
4346
4347Zim stamped his foot so hard it kind of hurt. "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AND YOU DIDN'T LISTEN! NOW REAP WHAT YOU SOW! REAP IT AND WEEP! BUT DON'T COME CRYING TO ME!"
4348
4349"I'M SICK OF YOUR-"
4350
4351"_QUIET!"_
4352
4353This was Gaz. Zim stood there silently for a moment, and then sank to his knees. Dib went over to Gaz and put his hand on her head. "I'm sorry, Gaz. You shouldn't have come after me." He looked funny, kind of dark around the eyes. Zim wondered how long he'd been wandering around here in circles.
4354
4355Gaz opened an eye at him, then shrugged. She tossed his hand off of her head and took a few steps away, studying one of the walls. She turned to Zim and Dib. "Whatever. Let's get out of here."
4356
4357"Let's get out of here," Zim repeated in a mocking tone. _"How?"_
4358
4359"Well, I had an idea," Dib said. Zim turned to stare at him. "I couldn't implement it, though, with everyone here too big of a wimp to help me!"
4360
4361Gaz grunted.
4362
4363"It was before you showed up," Dib muttered. "You won't quite fit, anyway."
4364
4365"What are you talking about?" Zim cocked his head to the side, lifting an antenna. "You need help? You need Zim!"
4366
4367"I-" Dib winced. "Well… yeah. See, this place has to still have air ducts, but, well, I'm not freakishly small enough to fit in them."
4368
4369Zim folded his hands together in front of his chest. "You _need_ Zim! Aww. Well maybe you should have thought of that before you-" He stamped his foot. "-LEFT ME ALONE TO_ DIE!"_
4370
4371"Why are you so _loud?" _Gaz snapped.
4372
4373"Look, do you want to get out of here or not? Do you really care how?" Dib said, putting his hands on his hips.
4374
4375Zim closed one eye, staring at Dib with the other. "Hmmmn. Your big, fat, stinky-stink head is too big to fit in the air vents. Poor filthy Dib. I think maybe you should _apologize _to Zim!"
4376
4377Dib's lips folded together into a thin, white, barely-visible line. "Excuse me? Apologize? For trying to stop you from exterminating my species?"
4378
4379Zim leaned forward, his antennae pressing to his scalp. "No! Say I'm not crazy and I was right all along!"
4380
4381Dib stared at him for a moment and then let out a cold, nasty laugh. "You want me to say you're _not crazy? _And you were _right all along?"_
4382
4383Zim sniffed and tossed his head back. "Yes. I do." He shrugged. "Not like you. You really are crazy."
4384
4385Dib took a deep breath. "I am going to _squiiiisssh yooooouuur-"_
4386
4387"STOP IT!"
4388
4389That was Gaz. Both of them turned to look at her. Her eyes were open.
4390
4391"If either of you idiots can get us out of here," she said, "do it. _Now!"_
4392
4393Zim looked over his shoulder at his bare, unpleasant surroundings. He turned to Dib. "All right, clearly you're not going to do the right thing and apologize to me, I'll just have to be the better man, show me to this air duct."
4394
4395* * *
4396
4397Peter smashed the remains of his fifth cigarette into the ashtray. Air vents. That was stupid. And cliché. More importantly, there were no cameras or security systems in the air vents. And they weren't even shielded, either, just hidden with a hologram.
4398
4399Most humans couldn't _fit _in the air ducts! Not if they were over, say, twelve. Gaz was 14 and just barely too big to fit. Speaking of Gaz, how had she even gotten _in _here?
4400
4401Peter turned on the intercom. "Anyone listening, go to the fourth floor and take everyone you find into custody."
4402
4403There was no answer.
4404
4405* * *
4406
4407"Here it is," Dib said.
4408
4409"I don't _see _anything," Zim spat.
4410
4411"It's still there." Dib held up a hand towards the ceiling. "I can feel a draft. Here, I'll give you a boost."
4412
4413"Not necessary!" Zim stood up on his Pak legs and studied the ceiling. There _was _an air duct here, under a hologram. He hoisted himself up into it.
4414
4415"There," Dib said somewhere below him. "See, Gaz? We're gonna be just fine."
4416
4417"Yeah," Gaz replied, "except you just sent Zim off alone to get help."
4418
4419Dib said nothing.
4420
4421It was dark in this air vent. It was enclosed. Zim dropped back down onto the floor.
4422
4423Dib looked down at him. "Okay. What?"
4424
4425Zim blinked a few times, licking salty sweat off of his upper lip. "Hm?"
4426
4427"You're supposed to be in there." Dib pointed towards the air duct. "Get back in there."
4428
4429"Of course," Zim said. He popped up back into the air vent.
4430
4431"This is already working really well," Gaz said.
4432
4433"I don't see you coming up with any better ideas," Dib snapped.
4434
4435It was still dark and cramped in the air vent. Zim was breathing hard. He dropped back out onto the floor.
4436
4437Dib looked down at him.
4438
4439Zim tugged on the collar of his uniform. "Uhh." He was sticky with sweat.
4440
4441"Why are we still looking at your _stupid face?"_ Gaz asked.
4442
4443"I'm going." Zim got back into the air vent. He scrambled straight up until he reached a horizontal area, and then he just kind of crouched there with his chest pressed to the bottom of the vent. His antennae rubbed against the top of the vent if he didn't keep them slicked down against his skull.
4444
4445It was dark in here. It was cramped. He couldn't get out. His own harsh breathing and rapid pulse were magnified in the small space, echoing off the walls. He was completely alone.
4446
4447His claws dug into the bottom of the vent.
4448
4449* * *
4450
4451Peter stubbed out another cigarette. Well, so much for hoping the Irken would chicken out. He was in there now. It. _It _was in there now, scurrying around somewhere, completely out of view. Why wasn't security responding?
4452
4453He turned on the intercom again. "Security, I said-"
4454
4455"No."
4456
4457Peter's eyes went wide. _"No?"_
4458
4459"That girl is up there. We're not going."
4460
4461Peter coughed into his fist. "Not- not _going?" _he rasped. "She's a _little girl."_
4462
4463"Well, something's wrong with her, and we're not going. Not after what happened at her house."
4464
4465Peter slammed his fist against the control panel. It hurt, and it turned a few of the camera views into black and white. Rather counter-productive. "Get in there or I'll use each and every one of you for testing."
4466
4467"Good luck with that."
4468
4469Peter sputtered.
4470
4471* * *
4472
4473Zim's hands were aching from their tight grip on the bottom of the air vent, and his upper arms were sore from being pressed so tightly to his sides. He listened to his own ragged breathing, eyes tightly shut.
4474
4475He opened his eyes and started crawling forward through the grate. He had to stop after a few feet to catch his breath, he was breathing so fast and shallow. He was drenched with sweat.
4476
4477He slammed on the side of the air vent. It made a loud, echoing noise, but it didn't give way. He was trapped-
4478
4479No. No, not trapped, he just had to keep going. He scrambled onwards.
4480
4481* * *
4482
4483"Sir?"
4484
4485"What?" Peter snapped at the intercom.
4486
4487He didn't recognize the voice of the man talking to him, he didn't bother to learn who most of his employees were. "I think we can take the girl if we stun her."
4488
4489Peter laughed, a laugh that turned into a smoker's hack. When he recovered, he said: "Sure. If you need to stun that child to take her in, do it. I just want them gone. And somebody start looking through the air ducts. Kill whatever you find in there."
4490
4491* * *
4492
4493Zim had come to a long vertical shaft. He looked it up and down. His hands, knees and elbows were sore from all this crawling around.
4494
4495What was he even looking for in here? A way out?
4496
4497Dib hadn't said what he was supposed to be doing, not that Zim would do what Dib wanted if he didn't feel like it. Dib most likely wanted a way out.
4498
4499A way out. That sounded good.
4500
4501But it wouldn't work and he knew it wouldn't work, they'd just find him and drag him back. He had to attack this problem at the source.
4502
4503He wiped his forehead with a shaking hand. That human who had interrogated him needed to die. Where to find that human? Well, obviously, someone in charge would be at the very top of the building, the very tallest place. Zim started climbing up the shaft.
4504
4505* * *
4506
4507Peter watched the view of the fourth floor from his underground control room. All right. Gaz really was putting up a fight.
4508
4509She had been hit with the stunner twice, and was moving much slower now, but she'd already managed to create a heap of ten unconscious guards. The last one was facing off with her now.
4510
4511He took a swing at her and she dropped to the floor, dodging the blow and trying to sweep him off his feet with a swing of her legs. This had worked on three other men, but now she was weakened, and the move had no effect.
4512
4513She got up and went for his arms, obviously attempting the same insane judo toss that had finished off six others. This last man managed to dodge her. She threw a punch into his stomach. This one landed. The man grunted, partially doubling over, but he managed to bring the baseball bat he'd taken off of her down hard on the back of her head. She went down in a crumpled black-and-purple heap. In a way, it was a depressing sight, like that of a fallen lioness.
4514
4515Dib had gone down with one hit of the stunner. The last guard standing tucked Dib under one arm and Gaz under the other. His voice crackled over the intercom.  
4516"Where should I take them?"
4517
4518"Take them down here," Peter said. "I want to talk to them."
4519
4520
4521	12. Battlefield Earth
4522
4523Gaz came awake first despite the beating she'd taken. She looked straight at Peter with heavy-lidded yellow eyes.
4524
4525"You will let me go," she said. Peter had taken the precaution of having both children tied to chairs. It was cliché, but so was that Irken scrabbling around in the air vents.
4526
4527"In time," he told her.
4528
4529"You will let me go _now."_
4530
4531"How did you get in here?"
4532
4533Her eyes closed. "I promised someone I'd kill you, you know."
4534
4535"The thing you promised was half mechanical construct, half alien life form, and hardly a 'someone'."
4536
4537Gaz's face was impassive now. "Do I look like I care?"
4538
4539"Do you keep your promises?"
4540
4541"Do you have any video games?"
4542
4543"Answer my question."
4544
4545"Untie the _rope."_
4546
4547"How did you get in here?"
4548
4549"How did you fit through the door?"
4550
4551She was matching sentence with sentence and question with question. "Are you toying with me, Gaz?"
4552
4553"Are you ever going to shut up?"
4554
4555Dib was stirring. Maybe he'd be more co-operative than his sister. Peter rolled his scooter over to him.
4556
4557Dib looked around, moaning. "Where am I?" His eyes got really wide. "Whoa!" He stared at the screens. "Is this… is this the command center? Are you in charge?"
4558
4559"Why are you here?"
4560
4561Dib had initially been gazing about in wonder. Now he pulled his head back, squinting and pursing his lips. "I've heard some iffy things about your operation, you know."
4562
4563"Why are you here?" Peter repeated.
4564
4565"What do you mean, 'why am I here?'" Dib demanded. "You stole my alien! And you're supposedly turning people into gross meat soup. Now, why are you doing this, huh, huh?" He leaned forward, tipping the chair onto its front legs. It fell back onto all four legs with a thump. "How's this building work? Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?"
4566
4567Peter backed up his scooter a little and looked over at the two guards standing in the doorway.
4568
4569* * *
4570
4571Zim clung to a branching-off air vent, panting. He'd lost count of how many stories up he'd gone. His shoulders ached and he was dripping with sweat.
4572
4573He reached up for the next ledge and his hand slipped. He slid a few feet down the shaft before grabbing a hold on another ledge.
4574
4575He hung there a moment, taking a deep breath of relief. Then he slipped again.
4576
4577This time, scrabbling at the sides of the vent slowed his fall but did not stop it. He slid down and down until he landed hard on the metal floor at the very bottom of the building.
4578
4579The shock of the impact left him stunned and immobile for a few moments. Then, moving in a shuddering, jerky fashion, he examined himself for injuries.
4580
4581Well, his butt was bruised and there was something wrong with one ankle. He tested it out. It didn't seem to be broken. Just sprained.
4582
4583Well, for ten stories or so that was pretty lucky… or… maybe it was only four… or less… maybe he hadn't made it up very far at all… he was breathing hard… it was dark…
4584
4585* * *
4586
4587"Why is your head so big?" Peter demanded. "Is it a modification made by your father?"
4588
4589The look Dib gave him rivaled three of his sister's and Peter backed up a few feet rather quickly.
4590
4591"My head's not-" Dib huffed. "Forget it. I'm not gonna tell you anything."
4592
4593The children did not have pre-existing electronic components implanted in to their brains from birth, like the Irken. If Peter tried to control their minds, it would leave scars that would be immediately obvious to their immensely powerful father.
4594
4595"Are you in league with the Irken?" Peter asked. "Have you turned against your species?" Maybe this would goad Dib into saying something useful.
4596
4597"No," Dib snapped. "And why won't you just say his name? He's not Voldemort. Or are you really that scared of _Zim?"_
4598
4599"I am not afraid of it. I find it childish to anthropomorphize an Irken. They are not even individuals," Peter said. "This one happens to be broken-"
4600
4601"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh," Dib broke in. "You think you can take over my alien and you don't even know the first thing about him? Man! Your science is just weak! You do experiments for no real reason I can see other than just, I don't know, proving you can do them? And you don't even try to understand Zim! No wonder he got away and now he wants you dead! Geez! You're just so bad at this!"
4602
4603Peter's lips pressed together. He turned away.
4604
4605"And now I've made you mad, huh? Well, you should be mad! You're bad at everything!"
4606
4607* * *
4608
4609Zim pressed his body against the metal wall of the air vent, panting. His throat felt rough.
4610
4611Gaz and her vermin brother weren't here. No one would know if he didn't keep going. His ankle was throbbing. See? He was injured, there was nothing wrong with… with… with taking a break…
4612
4613He shut his eyes. The small space amplified his pounding pulse.
4614
4615And then he sat up with a start, suddenly breaking into a sweat. The Tallest!
4616
4617Who'd call them? Who'd let them know where he was or what had happened to him? No one, that was who! If Zim didn't call the Tallest they'd wonder what had happened to him forever!
4618
4619He started scratching at the wall, then pounding on it with his fists. How could he have been so _selfish? _He'd convinced the Tallest to give him this last, wonderful chance and now he was going to give up and die here, without even giving them _notice? _He'd forgotten about them entirely! How could he have _been _so disloyal?
4620
4621He threw his whole strength against the wall and a seam where two sections of the vent had been joined together popped open. Zim squeezed through it and fell a few feet onto concrete, landing on his head.
4622
4623He got to his feet. He was bleeding where he'd hit his head and from cuts on his hands and sides where he'd scraped against the sharp edges of the broken vent. Good. He should be in pain. He deserved it for forgetting the Tallest.
4624
4625He was in a dark concrete room full of empty cages, lit with dim red light bulbs. It reeked of blood and fear- or maybe that was just Zim.
4626
4627Wait a minute… not all the cages were empty. He could hear movement.
4628
4629Something screamed. Zim could see a door past a few rows of cages and he ran for it, totally ignoring the pain in his swelling ankle.
4630
4631He lost his balance and fell on his face about halfway there. He picked himself up, leaning on a cage for support.
4632
4633Something moved inside it. It was a weasel with part of its skull replaced with glass. Zim had done that exact experiment. Well. Huh.
4634
4635The weasel sniffed curiously at the bars of its cage. Zim drew away, popping up on his Pak's legs, since his biological legs were apparently useless.
4636
4637He burst through the door and into a typical clinical white hallway. The door behind him had disappeared.
4638
4639Well. What was he going to do now? Just run around an empty hallway until-
4640
4641Wait, wait a minute. He leaned forward. That over there, that… that was the receptionist's desk.
4642
4643He was on the ground floor?
4644
4645The doors out were right there.
4646
4647He could leave?
4648
4649Zim ran to the doors, clutching the handle with both hands. He opened the door and felt a blast of cold air on his face.
4650
4651This couldn't be real, the door was right here. He hadn't even done anything special to find it, just kind of blundered into it.
4652
4653He stared across the parking lot for a minute more, then shut the doors.
4654
4655* * *
4656
4657"And another thing," Dib said, "your thugs aren't that great either. Zim and I can take them out no problem if they don't have stun guns. I mean, I'm not saying the thugs aren't a pain, because they are, but for an operation like this you can do a LOT better."
4658
4659Peter crushed the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray. He wasn't even looking at the repulsive little brat anymore, he was watching the video screens for signs of the Irken. And there it was, limping around on the ground floor. Why hadn't it left when it saw the chance? At this point, Peter might have even let it through the boundary field.
4660
4661Peter sucked in air through his teeth. It was heading straight for the chamber, muttering deranged nonsense under its breath.
4662
4663"What's that noise?" Dib yammered. "Is that Zim? Where is he?"
4664
4665Peter said nothing. His knuckles were white on the edge of his desk.
4666
4667"You can hear me, can't you?" Peter recoiled. That was the Irken, its voice as loud and abrupt as a gunshot, and raw with emotion. "One of us will be _dead _before I leave here! I SWEAR IT!"
4668
4669"That _is _Zim!" Dib commented unnecessarily.
4670
4671"He's talking to you," Gaz said to Peter, and he could hear the smirk in her voice. Witch child.
4672
4673Peter turned his scooter around to face the guards. There were two of them left. "Stop it from entering the Chamber."
4674
4675The guards looked at each other, then back at Peter.
4676
4677"That's that alien freak," one of them said.
4678
4679"Yes. It's an Irken and don't you _dare _say you're afraid of it, it's three feet tall, sickly, and has no more brains than a goose. Go kill it."
4680
4681"It shot Mick," the guard replied.
4682
4683"Yes, but-"
4684
4685"Stabbed that kid."
4686
4687"You know what?" the other guard said. "You're not paying us enough."
4688
4689The pair of them turned and left. Dib snickered. "Wow. Even Zim can keep his minions. Somehow."
4690
4691Peter turned and pulled out a drawer underneath his command center, fumbling a pistol out of it. If only he could just… lose enough weight to walk, he could end this all now. If it wasn't for Membrane, he'd shoot Dib first.
4692
4693An alarm sounded. The Irken had entered the Chamber. It wasn't going to find Peter in there, whatever else it thought it was doing.
4694
4695"Hey, there he is," Dib said, craning his neck to see the screen. "Is he bleeding? Hey, his head is bleeding! How the heck did he manage to hurt himself in an _air vent? _What is his _problem?"_
4696
4697"What's that in those _tubes?" _Gaz said. She sounded unsettled. It was the first time Peter had heard her sound that way. He rather liked it.
4698
4699"I don't kn-" Dib went quiet for once.
4700
4701And yes, of course. That hideous little space creature was terminating each and every one of Peter's experiments. One. By. One.
4702
4703Peter was trembling. "Stop that!" he snapped, slamming his fist on the desk.
4704
4705The children had finally shut their traps. Dib was pale.
4706
4707The Irken finished with the last test subject and turned away, leaning against the wall with one hand to its forehead. Peter spat curses at it.
4708
4709The Irken hurried out of the chamber. It was limping. Why wouldn't it just die? Surely it was falling to pieces, head injured some way or another, breathing chambers ravaged by virus. Peter hoped it was suffering.
4710
4711It was muttering to itself, nasty things about Dib, apparently. It stopped in the middle of the hallway, looking lost. It swallowed and said aloud: "I'm not leaving, you know!" Its voice was trembling. "I have some humans to collect…"
4712
4713"Please," Gaz muttered, wriggling around under her ropes. "He can't do anything."
4714
4715"…and a mastermind to kill!"
4716
4717"Please," Peter echoed. "It can't even find us here."
4718
4719Dib swallowed. "You know what? I think… no. No, you're right. Don't bother, you know, putting up any really tough security measures or anything, there's no way he can do it."
4720
4721Peter turned to him. "You think… that insect… can win? Against me?"
4722
4723"Well." Dib was subdued now, not meeting Peter's eyes. "I hope he can, because I'd take him over you any day."
4724
4725Peter wondered if that was supposed to be a cutting remark. Did Dib really think someone _cared _about his opinion?
4726
4727He turned back to the screens. The Irken was wandering around aimlessly on the ground floor. Eventually, it would either grow fatigued and collapse or it would give up and go home. It had no way of actually finding Peter.
4728
4729It sat down on the floor and removed a radio extension from its Pak, likely calling one of its robots to bring it home.
4730
4731"Um," Dib said. "So what are your test subjects for, then? What's the point of all this?"
4732
4733Peter ignored him.
4734
4735"Can you hear me?"
4736
4737"I can hear you," Peter said. "I don't want to waste my time talking to you."
4738
4739"Oh." Dib seemed to accept this. He probably heard it a lot.
4740
4741The Irken wasn't making a call, it was sitting there fiddling with the mic. Likely up to no good. It held the mic up to its mouth.
4742
4743"Hello?"
4744
4745Peter started in surprise- that 'Hello?' had come over the communications link as well as the video feed.
4746
4747"Is he talking to you?" Dib asked.
4748
4749The Irken sat up straight, its antennae perking up in surprise. "Dib?"
4750
4751"Zim! You can hear me?"
4752
4753Peter ground his teeth together.
4754
4755The Irken fiddled with the base of one antenna. "Dib, where _are _you?"
4756
4757"How should I know? I'm in this computer room with lots and screens and- and this morbidly obese guy is here! I think he's the one in charge! I'm tied up, I'm trying to loosen the ropes so I can get at him."
4758
4759"He's _there?" _The Irken stood up and looked around, wide-eyed, as if expecting Peter to materialize. "With you?"
4760
4761"Yeah!"
4762
4763"Can he hear me?"
4764
4765"Yeah, but he's not saying anything."
4766
4767"Zim," Gaz butted in, "this is all _your fault, _and if you don't get us out of here, I am going to make the rest of your life into exquisite, personalized torture without end."
4768
4769"Yeah, yeah, sure," the Irken said. "Hmm."
4770
4771He was going to the receptionist's desk. Nothing of interest was left in the desk when the receptionist was off duty.
4772
4773The Irken rifled through the drawers, huffing slightly. He slammed his fist on the desk in a fit of pique, then muttered and put his bloodied hands in his mouth- his hands were cut. Now, how had that happened? Peter had to admit that Dib had a point, how was it possible to get that beaten up in an _air vent?_
4774
4775"Are you looking for a computer?" Gaz asked.
4776
4777"Of course I am." The Irken sat down in the receptionist's chair, pulling off one boot and examining a puffy ankle.
4778
4779"Isn't there one in your backpack?"
4780
4781"It's not a mere 'backpack', little Gaz, and, um, well, no."
4782
4783"That's dumb."
4784
4785"You can get a netbook at Best Buy for three hundred dollars," Dib said.
4786
4787The Irken looked over his shoulder, frowning, and then apparently decided to say nothing.
4788
4789Peter cleared his throat. "Zim."
4790
4791The Irken started in surprise. "Who are you?"
4792
4793"I'm the 'mastermind' you were talking about. There's no way down to where I am. You're free to explore the empty hallways as long as you wish. You're also free to leave."
4794
4795The Irken leaned back in the receptionist's chair, putting his hand to his chin. "Hmm. 'Down?'"
4796
4797"What?"
4798
4799"I have to go down?"
4800
4801"It's a figure of speech," Peter said.
4802
4803"Wait a minute, of course, you'd want to be near your… project," Zim said, and he got up and went into the hall.
4804
4805Peter made sure his gun was loaded and ready. There were three bullets in it. Coincidentally, that would be just enough for Dib, Gaz, and himself, if he was dramatically inclined. Of course, Peter had no intention of dying. Ever.
4806
4807Zim was back in the elevator leading to the underground rooms. He was whistling to himself, hands in his pockets. His eyes were glazed over.
4808
4809He got out and started nosing around in the hallway leading to the Chamber for any hidden doors. Peter turned towards where he knew the door was and aimed his gun at it. The way things were going, he might as well assume Zim would indeed find a way in.
4810
4811"Zim, you're close!" Dib yapped. "He's got a gun! Be careful!"
4812
4813"What?" Zim said over the radio. The hairs on the back of Peter's neck stood up. He could hear muffled scratching on the door. "What did you say?"
4814
4815"That's it, that's the door!" Dib screamed. "But he's got a g-"
4816
4817Peter had trained the gun on Dib's head. "Shut up," he said.
4818
4819Gaz's eyes were wide.
4820
4821Zim was tapping on the door. "Here?"
4822
4823Dib swallowed. He was sweating.
4824
4825"In here!" Gaz yelled.
4826
4827Peter pointed the gun at her. Zim was pounding on the door. Peter turned the gun in that direction.
4828
4829The door fell inwards. Zim was standing on it with those mechanical legs. He was breathing heavily. "Okay. You can surrender now, or you can be painfully destroyed," he said.
4830
4831Peter shot at him- and missed, by quite a wide margin. Zim staggered backwards, yelping, frightened but none the worse for wear.
4832
4833"What's happening?" Dib cried. He couldn't see the door from where he was. "Who got shot?"
4834
4835Gaz was frantically trying to see as well. "Zim got shot!" she concluded, despite not getting a good look. Dib screamed.
4836
4837Zim narrowed his eyes and drew back, preparing to spring. Peter shot again and Zim crumpled to the floor, crying out again, the mechanical legs retracting in shock. This time the cry was full of pain, a bullet had landed.
4838
4839Zim got to his feet, clutching a bloody shoulder. He pulled a sopping wet hand away, staring at it.
4840
4841"Holy…" He seemed lost for a second word. "You shot me!"
4842
4843Dib screamed again.
4844
4845"You miserable…" Zim wiped his own blood off of his hand onto his uniform. He was shaking. "Oh my dirt you really shot me!"
4846
4847"STOP SCREAMING!" Gaz screamed.
4848
4849"You shot me! You just _shot me!"_
4850
4851Peter brought the gun up again. Zim dodged this time, but Peter's shot would have been off anyway. It blew right by Dib's head (which was at least five feet away), leaving a wide streak of red along Dib's cheek, and knocking off his glasses.
4852
4853Dib froze completely.
4854
4855Zim stood up again, leaning on the wall for balance. Peter was out of ammunition. He ground his teeth together.
4856
4857Zim pulled the mechanical legs back out. He came right up to Peter- which seemed rather suicidal to Peter, Zim didn't _know _the bullets were gone- took the gun away, and held it to Peter's head. He pulled the trigger. There was an empty _click._
4858
4859Zim spun the gun around in a fast, easy motion that seemed trained, and brought the butt of it down on Peter's head. Peter saw stars.
4860
4861* * *
4862
4863Dib's heart was beating fast in his ears. He could feel warm blood coursing down his cheek, and could see crap all. He was pretty sure that was Zim over there, but he was a magenta, green and black blur.
4864
4865"Did you kill him?" Gaz asked.
4866
4867"What? No. No, he's just unconscious. No, I need to question him." Zim sounded a bit faint himself.
4868
4869"Zim, untie us," Gaz said. "Right now."
4870
4871"S-sure. Of course."
4872
4873"Right now."
4874
4875"Uh huh."
4876
4877Dib felt clammy hands fumbling with his ropes. Zim muttered something, and then a cold metal leg slid between Dib's arm and the ropes, slicing through the ropes. They fell away.
4878
4879Dib bent down and fumbled on the floor until he found his glasses. He put them on. They wouldn't sit straight and the right lens was broken, but it was way better than nothing.
4880
4881He was looking across the room at Peter's limp, unconscious form. He looked to his left to see Zim cutting Gaz free of her chair. She stood up. She was a little shaky. Dib had never seen her shaky.
4882
4883"There," she said. "Now we're going home."
4884
4885Dib heard himself speaking. "Gaz, I need to go through his computer systems."
4886
4887"No. Later."
4888
4889"No, it might self-destruct, I can't come back later."
4890
4891She glared at him.
4892
4893"Gaz, I'm not going without answers," he said.
4894
4895She stalked across the room and shoved the stranger's massive bulk out of his chair. He settled to the ground with a soft cracking sound. Dib flinched.
4896
4897Gaz got in the now-vacant computer chair and started messing with the computer. "I'm sending you the database. You can look at it at home."
4898
4899"Oh," Dib said. "Well, okay. That works."
4900
4901Zim was sitting down in Gaz's vacated chair. Dib's attention was arrested by the bloody mess of the alien's shoulder. "Ow," he said. "Does that hurt?"
4902
4903Zim gave him a plaintive look. "Yes."
4904
4905"Ah," Dib said.
4906
4907"Okay, sent," Gaz said.
4908
4909"Wait! My base is still under surveillance," Zim said.
4910
4911Gaz glared at him, then turned back to the computer. "Not anymore," she said after a minute. "Okay. Let's go. Now."
4912
4913"Sure," Dib said.
4914
4915Zim looked like he was on the verge of unconsciousness… it seemed unwise to expect him to be able to walk out of the building under his own power. Dib scooped him up in his arms. Zim went limp with a little sigh. He felt like a warm sack of bones, and looked like he was feeling very sorry for himself. He was very damp. Dib would assume all that wetness was blood, and not consider other possibilities. It was probably all blood anyway… his shoulder didn't seem to be bleeding _now, _though. Must be some Irken biology thing.
4916
4917Gaz left the room and Dib followed. They made their way out into the parking lot without incident. Tak's ship was still sitting where Dib had left it. Had it really been only yesterday he'd left it there? It felt like an eternity.
4918
4919They piled into the ship and Gaz automatically took the controls. Dib didn't complain- she was a frighteningly good pilot, and Dib had a lapful of curmudgeonly alien.
4920
4921They took off above the city. Dib stared out the cockpit at the glittering city lights below, shining out of the darkness. Everything felt unreal. Everything had happened so fast.
4922
4923The sun was just beginning to rise. Dib must have dozed a bit, because now the sun was up all the way, and-
4924
4925"I'm hungry," Gaz said.
4926
4927Dib rubbed his eyes. Zim stirred slightly. He was warm and had managed to arrange himself in a way that didn't end up with any poky knees or elbows in bad places. If he didn't still smell like vomit this wouldn't really be so bad. "Huh?" Dib said.
4928
4929"I want to go to Perkin's." Gaz was without expression.
4930
4931There was really no chance she was joking. "Gaz, that's a really bad-"
4932
4933She was taking the ship down.
4934
4935"Gaz, no," Dib said.
4936
4937"I'm hungry," she said, in a tone that brooked no argument.
4938
4939They landed in the parking lot of a Perkin's. Gaz got out and went inside. Dib scrambled after her. "Gaz! Gaz!"
4940
4941Gaz went inside and marched up to the woman waiting to seat people. "Hey, I need a table for three," she said. The woman- a short, bucktoothed, unattractive girl with a scowl and wild black hair- pulled out three menus.
4942
4943"Gaz," Dib hissed.
4944
4945"This way," said the woman, walking into the dining room. Gaz followed. Dib trailed after her. Now that he thought of it, he was pretty hungry too.
4946
4947"Here, sit here," the woman said, pointing to a booth. Dib slid into one side and Gaz sat down in the other. "Hey. Hey, kid."
4948
4949"What?" Dib asked.
4950
4951"Y'can't bring your cat in here," the woman said with a point. "I don't know why you would want to."
4952
4953"Ummm," Dib said, realizing he still had an armful of alien. "Well-" Wait a minute, Zim looked nothing like a cat.
4954
4955"Also," said the woman, looking suddenly confused. "What happened to your face?"
4956
4957"They were just in a play. That's not a cat," Gaz said, opening her menu.
4958
4959"Oh," the woman said. "What is it?"
4960
4961"None of your business," Gaz said.
4962
4963The woman folded her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes.
4964
4965Zim opened one eye a sliver. "Is there a problem?"
4966
4967The woman looked down at him. "Why are all of you covered in paint and crap?" Dib assumed she meant Zim's oddly-colored blood. It had gotten all over. It smelled kind of sugary, which was just weird. Dib wondered if it would taste sweet, too. He wasn't curious enough to try it and see.
4968
4969"It was a weird play," Gaz said.
4970
4971The woman looked from Zim to Gaz and back again. "All right, you know what, I don't really care. Do you want drinks?"
4972
4973"Diet Poop," Gaz said.
4974
4975"Salty lemonade," Dib said.
4976
4977"None for me," Zim said, closing his eyes again.
4978
4979The woman walked away without another word. Hooray for not caring, Dib supposed.
4980
4981He could have tried to point out that Zim was an alien, and he could still do that when she came back, he supposed, but somehow it just didn't seem like the right time or place. She wouldn't believe him anyway.
4982
4983Speaking of Zim. "I thought you were unconscious," Dib said.
4984
4985"Nmh." Zim was curled up with his chin on Dib's knee. He seemed pretty comfy. Dib pushed him off and onto the booth beside him. Zim sat up, looking disgruntled and grabbing his shoulder.
4986
4987Dib flipped through the menu. "I guess you want waffles or something, right?"
4988
4989"What? Ick! No!" Zim shuddered. "Never again," he muttered.
4990
4991"Fine."
4992
4993The woman was returning with their drinks.
4994
4995"I want the breakfast platter," Gaz said.
4996
4997"Scrambled eggs and bacon," Dib said.
4998
4999The waitress looked pointedly at Zim.
5000
5001"Nothing," Zim said.
5002
5003The waitress shrugged and left at a brisk walk.
5004
5005Dib looked across the table at his sister. "I'm not missing anything, right? We just escaped from a cold, white, metallic hell controlled by an obese smoker, right?"
5006
5007"Right," Gaz said. "And now, we're having breakfast."
5008
5009Dib ran his fingers through his hair. "Sure, sure."
5010
5011He stared up at the ceiling through the spiderweb crack in his glasses. He'd have to get that lens replaced. Gosh, he was so tired. Oh, geez, he'd missed skool, hadn't he? He'd missed skool. Well, whatever, life and death situations took precedence over skool.
5012
5013The waitress came back with their plates, setting one in front of Dib and one in front of Gaz. She'd given each of them the thing the other one had ordered. Dib quietly traded plates with his sister.
5014
5015The waitress was walking off again. "Wait, wait, hey," Dib called. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Do you have any of those little packets of sugar, like you put in tea?"
5016
5017"Do _I _have-" She started to rifle through her pockets, then stopped. "They're right on the table. Right over there. By your face."
5018
5019"Oh. Thanks," Dib said.
5020
5021"But… you're not drinking tea?"
5022
5023"I know," he said.
5024
5025The woman shrugged and walked off, muttering something about hating her job and freaks putting sugar on eggs. Well, screw her too.
5026
5027Dib spread out a napkin on the table in front of Zim, who was just sitting there totally still with his eyes closed. Dib picked up a few of the sugar packets, emptied them out onto the napkin and put a spoon next to it. Then he started eating his eggs.
5028
5029He and Gaz finished their food in silence, then waited in silence as the waitress came, took the plates and left the bill. Gaz set down some cash. Dib picked Zim up and they left the building. Zim hadn't touched the food Dib had put down for him. Ungrateful little jerk.
5030
5031They got in the ship and took off, with no more conversation until Gaz touched down in Zim's yard. Zim crawled out of the ship and went into his house without a word of goodbye.
5032
5033Gaz took the ship back to Dib's home. She parked it in the garage and they went inside and to their respective beds, still without another word.
5034
5035* * *
5036
5037"And, well, that's what happened," Zim said tonelessly, looking down. "I'll have to… go back again to question the human more thoroughly, but it's obvious that he was trying to make soldiers. Should I send him to you, my Tallest?"
5038
5039Purple was finding it hard to think of words. He had never seen Zim look like that before. He looked scared and sad and… dear Irk, what had happened to his shoulder? It was bound up in bloody bandages and kind of… sagging.
5040
5041Luckily, there was Red to do the hard things. "Yes," he said. "Kill him if you can't take him alive. Send just the head if you have to. We can scan his brain meats for memories. We need to know what's going on here. We need copies of all the computer files. Zim, look at me."
5042
5043Zim raised his eyes.
5044
5045"Can you do this?" Red's voice was sharp and growly. "Tell me the truth."
5046
5047"Yes."
5048
5049"Tell me the truth, Zim."
5050
5051"I wouldn't lie to you, sir," Zim said in a small, broken voice.
5052
5053"Except you do lie to us, Zim. Are you lying now?"
5054
5055He shook his head. "I already have the files, sir. The human is disabled."
5056
5057"Good. Because we'll send someone else if you can't do this."
5058
5059Zim nodded. Whatever he'd gone through, it must have done something crazy to his head, because he didn't look angry or pout, he looked hurt. He didn't protest, either.
5060
5061"But you can do this?"
5062
5063Zim nodded. "Yes, sir."
5064
5065"All right."
5066
5067"I destroyed their project, you know."
5068
5069"So you did." Red saluted. Purple's mouth fell open. "Good work, soldier."
5070
5071Zim blinked a few times and then- oh, Irk, Purple was never going to forget that smile if he tried. It was ghastly.
5072
5073Time to end this trainwreck. "Well, good," Purple said, clasping his hands together. "I think that's all we needed."
5074
5075Red nodded. "Yes, so, get us that human and those files right away."
5076
5077"Yes, sirs!"
5078
5079"Good-bye." Red ended the call.
5080
5081"Holy snacks, I thought he was going to start bawling when you saluted," Purple said. "How did you do that with a straight face?"
5082
5083"Lots of practice." Red held out the cheese balls bag and Purple took a handful. "You should work on it. What if I get assassinated?"
5084
5085"As if," Purple mumbled from around his mouthful of cheese. "Let's try never to compliment Zim again."
5086
5087"He doesn't usually react like that."
5088
5089"Well, no, he acts like we should do it all the time. You know, I hate him."
5090
5091Red looked a little strained. "I want to know what did that to him. Zim is practically indestructible."
5092
5093"You got that right."
5094
5095"He really did look like he was going to cry. It was pretty disgusting."
5096
5097"He probably started bawling as soon as we hung up."
5098
5099* * *
5100
5101Zim pressed his sleeve against his eyes, sniffling. He was definitely not crying. At all. Not even a little bit.
5102
5103He swallowed the lump in his throat. Of course, it wasn't every day that the Tallest recognized his hard work like that. They were often too busy. And he should definitely appreciate compliments from the Tallest.
5104
5105Still, he sure wasn't crying.
5106
5107He looked over his (throbbing) shoulder at the couch. The couch was soft and warm. The couch beckoned. However, there was something he had to do before he could lie down.
5108
5109"Computer, take me to the testing room," he said.
5110
5111The floor descended. Zim became very interested in his claws and the cuts on his hands and the lines in the palms of his hands, and then very interested in his shoes, and then he sighed and admitted that there was nothing of interest about his shoes, and he walked into the testing room, examining the creatures in each tube.
5112
5113There was nothing further to be done to most of these poor creatures… these poor, filthy, horrible creatures, that was… and Zim took them out and put them in the transporter in the corner. They would be set free in his back yard.
5114
5115Nick was particularly happy to go. Zim supposed he could have removed the brain probe before setting Nick free, but that seemed like a lot of effort. Besides, Nick liked the probe. Probably.
5116
5117There were other Earth animals pent up here that Zim hadn't messed with yet. He set those free, too. (The problems involved with setting the tiger, the human, and the field mice free all in the same place at the same time- without removing the bionic enhancements made to the tiger- did not occur to him.)
5118
5119The only thing here not from Earth was the byrum. It hadn't been fed in over a day and was madly attacking the insides of its cage. Zim stood over it for a minute, watching.
5120
5121"Feed it," he finally told the computer, and he went upstairs to take a nap.
5122
5123* * *
5124
5125A/N: for the rest of his life dib is going to have a tough-guy action-movie scar on his cheek
5126
5127from being accidentally shot in the face while he was tied to a chair
5128
5129
5130	13. My Pet Monster
5131
5132A/N: Well, this is the last chapter… this story wound up a bit more open-ended than I had hoped, since I didn't particularly plan on doing a sequel. I never did plan to answer every question, though. I don't feel like it's that kind of a story.
5133
5134Now that the story is finished I went into the old chapters and refined a few phrasings here and there. I also renamed every chapter after a bad movie, because I can. (I haven't seen most of said movies. Add that to my to-do list.)
5135
5136* * *
5137
5138Dib spent most of the rest of that day asleep. He got up in the late afternoon to eat cold pizza, notify Agent Darkbootie of his whereabouts and mission progress, work on the files from the white building- er- General Labs for a few hours, and then go back to sleep.
5139
5140He woke up the next morning, early, to find a lot of messages on the answering machine. He played the first one.
5141
5142"Wow," Dib said to himself upon hearing the voice in the message. "Zim sounds like a girl over the phone."
5143
5144"I'm going back to the white building," Zim was saying in a terse voice. "Right now. Don't follow me, if I have to save your horrible head from certain doom twice in one week I might be ill again."
5145
5146That had been around one in the morning. Dib played the next message, from an hour later.
5147
5148"The leader of this place is dead." Zim's voice was clipped. "His neck is broken. Your sister did it pushing him out of the chair."
5149
5150Dib blinked. That was the end of the message.
5151
5152Well… gee… the guy had been obviously really unhealthy and there had been that _crack _noise when he fell over but… but… gee. Wow.
5153
5154The next message was from five minutes later.
5155
5156"I'm blowing this place up," Zim said. "You can't stop me! I'm blowing it up! I'm going to destroy one of your precious Earth buildings!" Dib had no love for General Labs and Zim could do whatever he wanted with it but whatever. Wait. Were there innocent people in there? More test subjects? Argh! It had to be gone by now regardless, the message was from four hours ago. Stupid Zim! "And there's nothing you can do about it! Here we go… ah! Ah! Aha! I- wait. Dear Irk, I'm still on the roof!"
5157
5158That was the end of the message. Dib played the next one.
5159
5160"Well. I'm okay. Not that you care. Hideous worm." Zim sounded husky. "Whole place is gone. Not me after all. Self-destruct sequence. Took a while to execute, giving people time to get out, I suppose." There was a pause. "I really… I really wanted to destroy it. Not that you care. Ungrateful little human spawn."
5161
5162That was the end of the message. Dib played the next one.
5163
5164Zim sounded drowsy. "Well, I'm home in one piece. Not that you care! Horrible. Anyway, I'm going to take a bath and then go to bed… and maybe eat something… and make GIR put out that bonfire in the living room…" He sounded like he was talking to himself at this point. "And then update the Tall- no, I already updated the Tallest… already sent them the head… nasty business… nasty busi_ness…_" What? "Oh, right. Dib! I need that computer data. Now! Just send it to me. Anyway." He yawned. "My point is that if you come sniffing around here to disturb me today I can't be held responsible for what I'll do to you! Not- not that I would mind, being held responsible, I mean, because I like horrible things happening to you and… and I… I forgot what I…" He broke off into muttering that Dib couldn't understand. The message ended.
5165
5166There was one last message. Dib played it.
5167
5168"Hey-oh!" a perky, unfamiliar voice said. "How would you like to save money on car insur-"
5169
5170Dib deleted that message.
5171
5172He had a bowl of cereal and then put his coat on and headed outside into a silent, frozen, white void. It was cold enough to make his nose hairs freeze and the walk to Zim's house seemed to take forever.
5173
5174When he got there, he hesitated on the edge of the yarn, eyeing the lawn gnomes. They were still and silent at the moment.
5175
5176Dib tapped on the front walk with one toe of his boot and the gnomes whirred to life, fixing their sights on Dib. He withdrew his foot.
5177
5178The front door opened a crack and Zim peered out. He wasn't disguised, Dib was looking at opaque, glittering alien eyes. "Dib?"
5179
5180"I have the data from General Labs," Dib said. "That place was your problem, so you'd better help me look through it all. There's tons of it." Not that it was _really _Zim's fault all of this had happened; he hadn't asked to stumble into a den of murder and torture. Dib wouldn't say that, though. Ever. Plus, it was Zim's fault Dib was involved.
5181
5182"Certainly, I wouldn't trust you to understand any of their files," Zim said. He sighed in a fashion more dramatic than honestly put out. "Oh, I suppose you have to come in."
5183
5184"Uh huh," Dib said.
5185
5186Zim motioned for him to come closer. Dib took a tentative step onto the walk and then jumped back. Laser beams from the gnomes shot through the space his head had been occupying a second before.
5187
5188Zim cackled. He sounded honestly surprised (and delighted), as if he'd somehow forgotten all about his own security system. What an _idiot._
5189
5190"Jerk!" Dib said.
5191
5192"Silly human," Zim said, and disappeared from view inside the house. "Computer! Deactivate the gnome field," Dib heard him say.
5193
5194There was a slowing whirr from the gnomes. Dib headed up the walk and into Zim's house.
5195
5196Zim was wearing a plushy orange bathrobe and apparently no pants. He was damp and smelled faintly of dish soap. Well, it was better than smelling of vomit and sugary alien blood. His arm was in a sling and his foot was in one of those big plastic boots. He looked tired but his eyes were bright and his antennae were standing up at a perky angle. Dib did not like the looks of that.
5197
5198Zim grabbed Dib's arm and pulled him into the house, as if he actually _wanted _to see Dib. "Oh no," Dib said. "It's a trap, isn't it?"
5199
5200"What? Eh! I have no patience for your babbling," Zim said. He was limping badly. Dib wondered how he'd done all that scurrying around General Labs earlier… or maybe that was why he was limping now. Eh, it didn't matter.
5201
5202Zim shoved Dib into the middle of the room, then spun him around a bit so he was facing a certain way.
5203
5204Dib slapped his hand away. "Cut that out!" He moved over right next to where Zim was standing, since clearly Zim wanted him in that exact spot, meaning a weight was probably about to fall on his head or something.
5205
5206Zim scowled at him as if Dib was the one being unreasonable. "Computer, take us to the main database," he said.
5207
5208The floor descended and they landed in a huge room full of banks of computers. Dib's jaw dropped. His hand slipped into his pocket and he fingered his camera. Hopefully Zim would slip out at some point… Dib would only need a minute…
5209
5210Zim sat down in the only computer chair in the room and spun around. He was wearing boxer shorts under that robe. Uh. Well, good. "Okay, where's the data?"
5211
5212"Uh, right here," Dib said, pulling the flash drive out and tossing it at Zim. He fumbled and dropped it and it went skittering across the floor and under a computer. Zim scowled.
5213
5214"Why did you do that?"
5215
5216"Um, I don't know," Dib said. "Why didn't you catch it?"
5217
5218"Well, go get it," Zim said.
5219
5220"You go get it."
5221
5222Zim snorted, folded his one available arm over his chest and lightly tapped the heel of that plastic boot thing he was wearing against the floor. Dib had to acknowledge that crawling under a computer would be rather difficult with only two available limbs, and they didn't have all day, so he got down on his hands and knees and got the drive himself. He handed it to Zim. Zim plugged it into the computer. His bright mood had vanished, leaving him looking rather colorless for someone with green skin wearing an obnoxious orange bathrobe. "How far did you get?"
5223
5224"I got the employee roster. Um, is there a chair for me?"
5225
5226Zim waved one hand. "Computer, chair."
5227
5228A chair landed an inch next to Dib. The wind from its passing ruffled his hair. "You almost squished me!"
5229
5230"Mmhmm," Zim said. "Employee roster."
5231
5232"Well." Dib hesitated. "There were a lot more people involved than we saw. There were a lot of scientists. Annnd…" He sat down in the chair. "Zim?"
5233
5234"What?"
5235
5236"There were more test subjects than were in those tubes. Way more. In earlier stages of the experiment."
5237
5238Zim swallowed and nodded, eyes fixed on the screen. Dib wondered why on Earth he was doing making this weird attempt to spare the alien monster's feelings. There was no making this information sound any better anyway.
5239
5240"And I have no idea where they all went, so far, if they weren't in the building when it… what happened to it exactly?"
5241
5242"Collapsed."
5243
5244"Oh," Dib said. "And I don't know if they're going to carry on their experiment without their leader and I don't know how they knew all the things about us they did-" He was sounding freaked out. He stopped.
5245
5246Zim bent his head over the keyboard, typing. "Pull up the roster on that one."
5247
5248Dib did so. He'd messed with Zim's computers enough to know how to use them.
5249
5250Zim leaned over and glanced over the screen. "Not helpful!" he barked. "Go look for something else."
5251
5252Dib scowled. He went back to searching through files. "How do you know my phone number?"
5253
5254"Eh?"
5255
5256"All those messages you left on my answering machine. How'd you know the number?"
5257
5258"I looked in the phone book." He scoffed. "What else would I do?"
5259
5260"Oh. Well, I guess that is an option, I just, you know. I thought you were, well, too dumb to know what a phone book was."
5261
5262"Pff!"
5263
5264"Also, what was that about a head?"
5265
5266"I don't know what you're talking about."
5267
5268"You said something about getting a head and nasty busine-"
5269
5270Zim shuddered and his eyes got wild. "I _don't know what you're talking about!"_
5271
5272"Fine." Dib would let it go for now. There was a lot of work to do here anyway.
5273
5274The problem was that all these files had names in some kind of code and were arranged in seemingly random order. Security measures or something that had been messed up when Gaz hacked the files, he didn't know, but it was a pain.
5275
5276He clicked open a folder at random and glanced to the side to see Zim had just opened the same folder, also presumably at random.
5277
5278"How about I take the folders that start with 'D' and you take the ones that start with 'C'?" Dib suggested. "Then we're not looking at the same ones."
5279
5280Zim grunted. "What if I want the ones starting with 'D'? What then?"
5281
5282Dib closed his eyes. "I don't care. Pick a letter."
5283
5284"I want the letter Z," Zim said. "You can't have it. It is mine."
5285
5286"I don't care."
5287
5288"You should care."
5289
5290This was going to be a long day. "I _don't_ care! I liked you better when you had the flu!"
5291
5292"Fine."
5293
5294"Fine!"
5295
5296Dib started opening folders starting with D. Lots of them were building specs, no longer important because there was no longer a building. There was one troubling thing about them, though…
5297
5298He frowned. "Zim..."
5299
5300"What." Zim looked a bit on edge. He was cradling his injured shoulder.
5301
5302"A lot of this technology is stolen from stuff in development in my dad's lab. Why would that be, huh? Huh? Is my dad's lab involved in this somehow? Do they have their claws into my family's business?"
5303
5304"Nnnmph." Zim shifted position. "Do I look like I care?"
5305
5306"Well you should care, because- never mind." Dib would look into that on his own. He went back to opening files. He noticed Zim had not pointed out a single discovery. Probably just not being helpful. Whatever. Dib was just here to use the cool alien computer. "You go ahead," he said. "Keep being useless."
5307
5308"Enh."
5309
5310Dib opened another file. It was a detailed explanation of one of the experimental procedures that had been done.
5311
5312"Zim?" His voice cracked.
5313
5314"What _now?"_
5315
5316Dib pointed at the screen. Zim glanced it over. He was quiet for a minute, and then he pulled away. "Yes," he said hoarsely. He pulled a bottle of pills out of his pocket and took two of them. Dib had never seen him take medication before. He tried to get a good look at the label but Zim stowed it out of the way too fast.
5317
5318Dib glanced back at the file, winced, and closed it out. "Wait, did you think that would happen to us?" he said.
5319
5320"I warned you."
5321
5322So… so he had.
5323
5324Dib swallowed and went back to the files. The next one was about Zim.
5325
5326There was some very interesting biometric information in here, information Dib promptly committed to memory. It was information that could only be gotten through rather invasive means, as well. Interesting… when had this happened?
5327
5328Dib didn't bring this file to Zim's attention. He'd try to get a handle on timeframe later.
5329
5330There was a psychological profile at the end of this file and it was wrong, wrong, wrong. Dib shook his head. These guys didn't understand Zim one little bit and then they implied that Dib was wrong for 'anthropomorphizing' the alien. As if. There wasn't even the tiniest speck of humanity in Zim and Dib knew it.
5331
5332Dib clicked through more files. The next few were all boring.
5333
5334Ah, a video. Dib ran it. His eyes went wide and his blood ran cold. He stood up so fast that his chair fell over with a bang. Zim sat bolt upright.
5335
5336The video was grainy in a familiar way, it had been taken with a home camera. With _Dib's _camera. The video was focused on a confused Irken female Dib had never seen, and she was answering questions asked in a voice Dib knew.
5337
5338"What is it?" Zim looked disoriented. "Who? What? Who?"
5339
5340Dib slung his arm at the screen, index finger extended. "Mr. _Dwicky!" _he said.
5341
5342"What? Who? Huh?" Zim drew his knees up towards his chest and pulled his bathrobe down over his legs.
5343
5344"Mr. _Dwicky! _He must have took home videos in _space! _And then he beamed them to _Earth! _And _these guys _got them!" Dib was shaking. "It's all _Dwicky's _fault!"
5345
5346"What's a _Dwicky?_"
5347
5348"I have no idea!" the Irken on the tape was saying.
5349
5350"Hey, that's Tenn," Zim said. He paled visibly. "They got her _too?"_
5351
5352"We're going to have the whole universe under control eventually, though," she said.
5353
5354"Oh no you _won't!" _Dib cried.
5355
5356"Isn't there one of your kind on Earth?" Dwicky said. "There was this kid who tried to tell me about him! I could just kiss that kid for giving me this new life in the stars!"
5357
5358"You," Dib said, "Make. Me. _Sick."_
5359
5360"I haven't done anything yet," Zim said.
5361
5362"Not you! Shut up!"
5363
5364Zim flinched.
5365
5366"What's Earth?" 'Tenn' said.
5367
5368"Well," Dwicky bubbled, totally ignoring her question, "I sure do hope this video reaches the proper authorities to save my home planet. Bye!"
5369
5370"Wait, wha-" Tenn said, as the video ended.
5371
5372Dib tried to collapse dramatically into his chair but his chair was not where he thought it was so he landed on the metal floor really hard on his butt and that kind of hurt. "Fine," he said. "Sure. Whatever."
5373
5374Zim looked completely bewildered. Dib stood up, put his chair back into place, and sat down. "Obviously," said Dib, "Mr. Dwicky obviously didn't give them _all _their information, but I'm guessing intercepting that little transmission from him clued them in to start looking. It's from a year ago."
5375
5376"Uh huh."
5377
5378Dib looked back at the computer. He grabbed double handfuls of his own hair and twisted. "Stupid Dwicky!"
5379
5380"Stupid humans," Zim said with a nod.
5381
5382"That's not what I- argh! Just- just keep looking at files!"
5383
5384Dib started rapidly clicking through files, grinding his teeth together. He pulled one up and saw walls of text.
5385
5386These were email conversations. Email conversations with Professor Membrane.
5387
5388Dib's eyes got really big. "Zim!"
5389
5390"Whaaat."
5391
5392Dib looked over. Zim was sitting there all slumped over with his face on the keyboard. He was pouting.
5393
5394"What's your problem?"
5395
5396Zim raised his eyebrows. "My shoulder hurts, Dib. Do you know why my shoulder hurts, Dib?"
5397
5398"Uh-"
5399
5400"I GOT SHOT SAVING YOUR UNGRATEFUL HEAD!" He was trembling now.
5401
5402"Well, it's not like I got off without a scratch," Dib said, pointing to his bandaged cheek. "I got shot too, you know! And I'm going to need a new pair of backup glasses!"
5403
5404"You got-" Zim started laughing hysterically. Then he cut himself off, sitting bolt upright. _"Look at me!"_
5405
5406Dib looked. He looked at the sling and the boot and the bandages on Zim's hands and forehead and the bags under his eyes so dark they looked like he'd done like a football player and smeared on burnt cork.
5407
5408"All right, fine," Dib said. "You win this round. Are you happy?"
5409
5410"No!"
5411
5412"Sorry." Dib turned back to the screen.
5413
5414Zim sputtered. "_Sorry?"_
5415
5416"I was being sarcastic."
5417
5418"Oh, okay." Zim sounded sort of lost.
5419
5420Dib scanned over the conversations. There were _lots _of them. Lots and lots.
5421
5422He started at the beginning. After he'd been reading for a minute Zim sighed and laid his head back down on the keyboard.
5423
5424Okay. Apparently, the guy in charge here had been named Peter, and he had used to work for Professor Membrane. But then he'd started, well, suggesting dodgy experiments. And Membrane had said…
5425
5426Dib swallowed. His dad had _allowed _a few of them? But… but…
5427
5428Dad used human test subjects sometimes?
5429
5430Willing subjects, right?
5431
5432Dib ran his fingers through his hair. "Zim?"
5433
5434Zim didn't answer. Zim was breathing that way people did when they were asleep. Zim was useless.
5435
5436Dib kept reading. Okay. Dad had started saying no to dodgier experiments. Okay.
5437
5438Peter had pushed for a yes. Dad had held firm. Peter had pushed harder and Dad had let him go… but apparently not before Peter had stolen some company secrets.
5439
5440Dib leaned back in his chair, letting out a long breath.
5441
5442Zim was definitely asleep. There was a small puddle of drool forming on his keyboard. His eyes were twitching under his eyelids.
5443
5444"So your eyes move, huh?" Dib said. "I wasn't sure because you don't have… pupils."
5445
5446Zim obviously did not answer.
5447
5448Dib took the advantage of Zim being insensate to take pictures of the computer room. Then he looked through a few more unimportant files. He seemed to be at the end of 'D' files. He started on files beginning with the letter 'C'.
5449
5450Here was a file on Dib.
5451
5452Dib's blood ran cold. His entire history was here, from birth, to second grade-
5453
5454Zim whimpered.
5455
5456"Shh," Dib said. Here was third grade, yes, detention the second week of October for screaming about vampires in class, this was _detailed-_
5457
5458Zim was moaning and fidgeting.
5459
5460"Shh!"
5461
5462And here was fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade and present day. And the beginning of a psychological profile-
5463
5464Zim cried out, apparently in the middle of a nightmare. It was a plaintive noise, quite loud, quite piercing. Dib rested his hand on the back of Zim's head. "Zim, _shhh… shhh… _please… that _noise…"_
5465
5466"Mph." Zim quieted down. His eyes were still twitching.
5467
5468"Good. Good." Dib's ears were ringing. He gave Zim a small pat on the head. "Shooshhhhh. Shooooshhhhhhhhh." He looked back at the file.
5469
5470Dib wasn't sure he'd ever made skin-to-skin contact with the alien before, as Zim was usually covered in fabric from the neck downward. He had skin that felt the same as human skin, and the same skull structure, apparently, because not looking at the alien, eyes on the computer screen, it felt like Dib's hand was on a human head. The hairs on the back of Dib's neck stood up.
5471
5472Here was a line in his psychological profile, 'argues with the Irken as if speaking to a peer. Treats the Irken as if it has the same powers of reason and emotion as any human…'
5473
5474Dib pulled his hand away from Zim.
5475
5476* * *
5477
5478Dib closed out the latest file… more building blueprints. He hadn't found anything groundbreaking since that file on himself. Disappointing, but maybe that was okay… he had a lot to chew on already.
5479
5480He stood up, stretching. It was one in the afternoon. Dib wasn't really hungry but he usually ate lunch around this time and he needed a break.
5481
5482Zim was still asleep. It had been hours now. To be fair, he looked like he needed it.
5483
5484Dib took the alien's shoulder and shook it, gently. Zim shook his head and looked at Dib, bleary-eyed. "Unh… I was…" He looked about himself. "I was back there, but… I'm not now? I'm home?"
5485
5486This was just completely pathetic. (Also, was it a bad sign that Zim was calling somewhere on Earth his 'home'? Yes, it was an alien base but it was still on Earth! Earth was _Dib's_ planet!) "You were dreaming," Dib said. "I'm going to MacMeaties to get some lunch. I'll be back in about an hour." He was speaking gently. Darn it all to heck, he _was _acting like Zim had feelings. Darn it.
5487
5488Well, so freaking what? Zim _did _have feelings. Dib had always known Zim had feelings. It showed in his face and in his voice and in the things he did. He got mad, he got scared, he got mad, he got cocky, he got mad again, he got madder. Acting as if Zim didn't feel emotions was stupid and would lead to an erroneous interpretation of Zim's behavior that would just make him harder to deal with. That was what was so dangerous about Zim, he was as tricky and unpredictable as any human, trickier than most, but with the strange logic, advanced technology and amorality of…
5489
5490Of an alien. But then, Peter had been human, and Peter had not been a paragon of virtue…
5491
5492For crying out loud. Zim was trying to take over the world and that was bad. There was really no use in pondering whether or not he had any shred of something like humanity himself, other than as an interesting philosophical question, which this was not the right time or place for. And that was that.
5493
5494"I'm going out," Dib repeated.
5495
5496"Okay." Zim rubbed his eyes. "I wasn't asleep, you know."
5497
5498"Whatever you say."
5499
5500They stood there looking at each other for a minute.
5501
5502Dib cleared his throat. "How do I, uh. How do I get out?"
5503
5504"Huh? Oh, I can- I mean- well! I have you in my clutches," Zim said. Had… had he really said that? _Really?_ "Who said I'm going to let you out?"
5505
5506Dib raised his eyebrows.
5507
5508"All right, I _do _have better things to torture you," Zim said, as if countering an insult. "You're not that important, you know. Computer, take the Dib to the house level."
5509
5510The floor rose under Dib. He came up into the house level and walked out the front door.
5511
5512The gnomes started shooting at him. Apparently they had automatically turned back on. Dib ran out of the front lawn and down the sidewalk.
5513
5514For a moment it felt like a typical day.
5515
5516* * *
5517
5518A/N: This story is dedicated to my grandmother, who died August 27th, 2010. Thanks, Nana.
5519
5520
5521End file.