· 6 years ago · Oct 29, 2019, 12:48 PM
1Behold, all my saved copypastas
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4TIFU by turning my grandpa into a weeaboo.
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7My grandma died last year and grandpa’s tken it hard. Now he used to be the dirty old man sort of guy, so I thought getting him Nekopara Vol. 0 (A visual novel about catgirls) for Christmas would be nice.
8
9A few days ago, we met up at a wedding. I see my grandpa. He starts excitedly chatting with me about the game and I think, “I did a good thing” and tuned out the rambling.
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11I shouldn’t have. We go back to my grandpa’s place.
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13Grandpa: Here are the new decorations I have!
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15Mom: Dad, what is all this?
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17Grandpa: Stuff from the game your magnificent son gave me!
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19The whole apartment was littered with Nekopara figurines, posters, merch and etc. He had a body pillow in his bedroom. Now my family looks down on me for converting my grandpa into the weebiest of weebs.
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21I learned today through text he picked up Eromanga Sensei. God help his soul.
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23TL;DR: I gave my grandad a copy of Nekopara. He went ape-shit and bought merch. My family now hates me for converting him into a degenerate.
24
25Edit: Oh my, this has blown up.
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27
282.19% gay
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31Actually mom, they're called traps, and they're far superior than just regular "girls". In fact, girls don't even do anything for me anymore. The concept of overpowering a failed male with your superior masculinity is far more appealing than just the same old T and A. Sorry mom. I don't expect you to understand, but I googled it and I found that it's only 2.19% gay. So don't sign me up for any LGBT support groups. It's practically completely straight.
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33
34Yeet is a powerful, beautiful word
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36
37The word has a distinct feel, and power to it. To yeet is to give your full power and soul to an action you're doing. While many believe yeet to be a fairly new concept, it has been around for centuries. Think back to the berserker warriors. They would be so immersed in pushing all their power into their attack that they wouldn't even register pain, or go into shock, until long after a regular fighter would have passed out. They were true yeeters. A more modern example is the common use of warp speed in science fiction. It's interstellar yeet. The word 'yeet' is really all that is new about this concept, and it is a very useful word indeed.
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39
40My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv
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42
43My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch.
44
45I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned.
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48Response to "oof 100"
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51Shut the fuck up you absolute lobotomite. You think adding your poorly edited Skyrim makes this funny? What a joke. Get a grip on reality, stop saying "oof" during a serious conversation just because your two braincells cant ever send signals to eachother to form a response. Honestly pathetic. Oh guys look at me Im so funny OOF 100! Its so funny and quirky because its a roblox noise right guys? Hahah skyrim reference!! Shut the fuck up you absolute fucking dusty toilet. I would flush you down the drain in an instant.
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53
54Fart Fetish
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56
57BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
58
59snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but oh yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....
60
61BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
62
63Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....
64
65BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT
66
67Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….
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69
70The ending of WWII was AWFUL
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72
73So am I the only one upset about how WWII ended? I mean they built Hitler up to be the big bad and just when he is about to face justice, he goes and kills himself. WTF was the point of him if FDR and Churchill were not going to fight him in an epic duel to save the world? And don't get me started on FDR! They just kill him half way through the war. Truman totally did not deserve to win the war, his character arc was not about war winning. And it certainly wasn't about destroying two cities with bullshit deus ex super weapons that came out of no where.
74
75And another thing that pissed me off is that in the last episode of the war we find out that Stalin was a bad guy the entire time! Where was this foreshadowed to us? WTF, absolute character assassination. He was all about freeing the oppressed and bringing about a new system that wasn't shackling the poor and they made him a dictator? That is bullshit!
76
77Anyways, WWII was cool but its end was absolutely trash and I would like you guys to sign a petition to have it rewritten.
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79
80Day 74 of no fap challenge
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82
83As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me.
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85Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike.
86
87I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth.
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89As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You're welcome.
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91
92Johnny epically owns teacher
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94
95A ??teacher?? asked her class
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97“What is sex???”
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99Johnny?♂️ got up and said:
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101“Sex is a ?temptation?
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103Caused by a ?sensation?
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105Where a boy ?♂️ sticks his ?location?
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107Into a girl’s ?♀️ ?destination?
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109To increase the ?population?
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111Of the next➡️ ?generation?
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113Did you get my ☝️ ?explanation??
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115Or do you need ?? a
116
117????Demonstration???? ?
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119The teacher?? fainted ?
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122Every man when a beautiful woman shows up in Looney Tunes
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125Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing!♨️ eyes pop out ??AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out ???WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF ??? tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr??? tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart ??Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ??⚒⛏milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets ????NOT WEIRD A RARE GIFT FROM GOD inhales from the gas tank honka honka honka honka ?ohhhh my gooooodd~???
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128A Story of a Wonderful Daddy and his Daughter
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130
131Daddy’s ? cummies, ? nice ? and yummy ?
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133Thick ??and gooey, feel like honey ?
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135That sweet ? milk, ? oh-so-tasty ?
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137Daddy, ? Daddy, ? please be hasty!?
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139My tongue ? swirls ? round ? and round ?
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141While Daddy ? gives my ass ? a great big pound ??
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143Over ? in the corner, wrapped ? in chains ⛓
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145Mommy ? huddled over, screaming ? in pain ?
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147“Shut up, bitch! ? Stay on the floor!”
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149Mommy ? sobbing ? louder, I ? call ? her a whore
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151She reaches behind her ? for her gun ?
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153While Daddy gropes ? and tickles ? my sweet ? buns ?
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155Puts the barrel ? between ?? her teeth ?
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157And Daddy’s ? semen ? begins to seep ☔️
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159Gunpowder, blood, ? brains ? and gore ?
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161Mommy’s ? lifeless ? corpse slumps ⬇️ to the floor ?
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163Cummies, ? cummies ? filling my throat
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165My pussy ? is completely ? soaked ?
166
167But Daddy’s cock ? just gets bigger ??
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169Over near ? the drawers, he grabs the scissors ✂️
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171Cuts ? a hole ? in Mommy’s ? stomach
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173In her hand, ? a gin and tonic ?
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175He ? begins to unravel her strings of intestines ?
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177“Look ? closely, you’ll learn ?? a lesson”
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179Ties a noose, ? rigs it tight ?
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181“Sweetie, ? sweetie, ? no need to fight” ??
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183Puts her ? guts ? around ? my neck
184
185“Looks like everything’s good ? and set” ?
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187Lets me fall down ⬇️ about ?? a yard
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189Face ? turning blue, choking ? hard ?
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191All the while, ? Daddy’s ? stroking his cock ?
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193And for a moment, ? our eyes ? lock ?
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195Tears ? of joy ? stream down my face ?
196
197I’m going to ? a better ✨ place
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199
200Lusty for Allah
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202
203It was a Tuesday night. Hussain simply couldn’t sleep. All he wanted was to be fucked in the ass by Allah.
204Hussain begins to cry and suck his own dick.
205His fat ass just couldn’t bare not being able to, so he got his ribs removed. It’s not like he was going anywhere anytime soon.
206Then he remembered.
207He’s a Muslim.
208He ran as fast as he could. He ran past his mother, and his gust of wind sent her skyward, killing her instantly.
209He ran down the stairs, fell, screamed, shit his pants, got up, and kept running like fucking Forrest Tard.
210He reached his dad’s room.
211He looked his dad straight in the eyes and said, “It is time”.
212Little erect Muslim boy proceeded to fuck his dad so goddamn hard that he died of shock, then used his retard strength to eat his dad’s entire table.
213He removed the floorboards, dug through the dirt, and then he saw it.
214The wooden box, labeled “muslim dildos”
215He opened the box.
21630 dynamite sticks. As expected.
217He took the box, ran out of his dad’s room, up the stairs, fell over, screamed, pissed his pants this time, kept running past his mother’s body, mutilating to the point of unrecognizability. He finally reached the room.
218He laid down on the bed. He stuck his thick ass in the air.
219“It is time” whispered Hussain, to allah.
220Before he could blink, he felt the stick moving in and out of his asshole 50 times per second, destroying his organs one by one.
221The Muslim faggot closed his eyes. It hurt, but he was doing it for allah.
222First, his intestines were gone. Then his kidneys, then his lungs.
223The stick exploded, and little Hussain was blasted into approximately 32 pieces, about half a stack of rotten flesh in minecraft.
224Hussain was pulled into Muslim hell to be Allah’s sex slave for eternity. But Hussain did not mind. He did not mind at all. As long as he could have Allah’s huge veiny cock in his petite ass at all seconds of the day he was happy. He would let allah cum in him until it spilled out of his mouth.
225Hussain was finally fulfilled and satisfied.
226The End.
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228
229How to become rich
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231
232Hey? ladies?♀️ ? Would ? you ? like ? to 2️⃣ get ? rich ??? by running ?♀️?♀️ your ? own business ??? from home ? with just ☝ your phone? ?? Well ?♀️ you can't. ? Get ? a ? real ? job ? you ? stupid ? cunt
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234
235An extensive list of OwOs and their uses
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237
238A collecion of OwOs and their uses:
239
240OwO : Standard use, for noticing bulges
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242owo : When the bulge isn't as big
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244uwu : When you're not impressed by the bulge or there isn't one
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246ÒwÓ : Mischievous OwO, for when you're feeling devious
247
248□w□ : The OwO for people who wear glasses
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250●w● : The OwO if you're wearing sunglasses
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252Owo : For feeling confused of the bulge
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254♡w♡ : The legendary OwO, used for bulges so large that you get heart eyes from it. Do not use this emote lightly, for the power of it is great
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256
257I sexually identify as the sun, here's why.
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259
260I sexually Identify as the sun. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throughout the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded, but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 °C. From now on I want you guys to call me “Sol” and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you can’t accept me you’re a fusion-phobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.
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262
263I sucked my cock in front of my assistant
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265
266I've always worked out, done yoga, I'm fit and slim, and have an above average sized dick. This combination has given me the unique talent of being able to suck my own dick. I've been doing this for many many years, all of my partners have always found this amusing and arousing. I know there are dangers, yada yada yada, but trust me, I've done it a lot and I know what I'm doing, lol.
267OKAY. So, the girl I am dating is very fond of this talent, and told her group of friends about it. One of whom is getting married soon. She was doing her bachelor party, and instead of hiring the beefcake stripper, her friends wanted to see me suck my own cock. I was a little put off by the idea at first, doing this for a group of strangers, but the idea was kind of hot, and it's all in good fun, so fuck it, right? I agree to the plan. I was a little nervous about meeting them first, making too much eye contact, etc, so we came up with the best plan to make this happen.
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269There are a few methods to doing this, the easiest and um, "deepest" of which is to put my legs over my head. This way, I would be looking up, and wouldn't really have to look at any of the girls. But the could see full view of my cock going into mouth. (I can draw a diagram if needed.)
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271So the day comes, I have a couple of shots of tequila to loosen up. By the time I arrive the girls are already pretty tipsy and rowdy, chanting things like "suck your dick!" from the other room. I prepare myself with the girl I'm dating, and she invites her friends in. They are hooting and hollaring as I'm laying on the ground with a very erect cock. The whole thing is actually pretty hot, and even though my heart is racing like mad, I'm really into this idea now.
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273I throw my legs over my head as I've done many time, and start to play along with the "show"... I circle my tongue around the tip, teasing myself. I put myself further and the head goes in my mouth and I hear the ghasps and woo's and girl noises coming from behind me. I'm trying to look back to see them, but I'm a bit focused on the cock in my mouth and really can't see past my head. I start getting more and more into it, and the girl I'm dating comes over and helps me push it deeper into my mouth by pushing my ass and legs down, as we've done before in our own private world. At this point I'm really into and sucking my cock like a champ. The girls really seem to be enjoying it.
274
275After a some minutes go by (not sure how long), they start chanting "Cum in your mouth! Cum in your mouth!"... Now to be clear, I normally don't do this. I have before, lol, but it's not my thing. But I'm the entertainment, and I aim to please, so in my mind I'm thinking lets do this. I start sucking harder, tongue playing with the tip. The girl I'm dating is still pushing me a bit, her hand on my ass. The whole thing is so hot and I feel like I'm about to cum, and.....explode. It was a lot. I'm shaking and convulsing sucking my tip, they are clapping and cheering. The girl I'm dating let's go of my legs and I fall down, sweating, with a mouthful of cum. Her friends start to yell -- "kiss him!" "cum swap!" - I'm actually not sure what they were yelling but it was along those lines. So I stand up, in a daze, and kiss her, she takes the cum from my mouth, and I look finally at the girls all in joy, except one unbelievably shocked and mortified face - you know where this is going of course. My assistant.
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277She leaves the room, I race to the bathroom. The girl I'm dating comes in to ask me what is wrong and I tell her. She loses it laughing - "SO AND SO is your assistant?! AHAHAHAH". I'm not laughing. Assistant isn't laughing and actually leaves the party.
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279It's actually a bit of a scene, the girl I'm dating tells her friends, there is laughter, discussion, they are calling Assistant and she is not answering. The girl I'm dating assures me they are all like this, this is no big deal.
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281I've been working from home all week. I've talked to my assistant via Slack and we've said nothing. She is in the office. I can't work from home tomorrow. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. The girl I'm dating said that Assistant is mortified, and doesn't know what to do either. I really don't know what the fuck to do.
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283
284How I became addicted to gagging
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286
287So I was taking a crap in the juul room (if you didn’t know they have toilets in there) and after I was done I decided to take a hit, low and behold it goes down the wrong pipe, now I didn’t learn until later you weren’t supposed to swallow the entire jul stick and you where supposed to suck on it, but somebody really should have told me that because I started choking and fell to the floor grasping my neck, luckily for me somebody happened to walk into the juul room before I actually died, and they promptly helped me get the jul stick out of my throat. I thanked him and he asked me what was going on in my pants, I looked down, they where wet but not a loose kind of wet, they were sticky, I had just busted the biggest nut of my life. Now I can’t stop every time I masterbate and cry myself to sleep in my room I have to stick a finger or something down my throat to get off, and what’s worse I can’t fuck my cat anymore because she is hard enough to fuck with both hands, its impossible to fuck her with one hand so I can use the other to gag myself. Lately I find myself getting closer and closer to death as I have to dress up as batman and tie a belt around my neck very tightly to even pop a half chub, one of these days im going to die in my room dressed up as batman with a tightened belt around my neck, and its all because of juul
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289
290I fuck airplanes
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292
293I too fuck airplanes, I just couldn't resist the sexy curves of the fuselage. The way she purrs at me everytime I crank that engine. She pretends to accidentally spill engine oil all over her so I would lick it off of her hot steaming body. When we both juul together and exchange smokes through kissies mmmm so hot. I just came 10 times typing this out
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295
296I fucking hate ?
297
298? is the worst emoji. It's horrendous and ugly. I hate it. The point of emojis is to show emotions, but what emotion does this show? Do you just wake up in the morning and think "wow, I really feel like a massive fucking stone today"? It's useless. I hate it. It just provokes a deep rooted anger within me whenever I see it. I want to drive on over to the fucking emoji headquarters and kill it. If this was the emoji movie I'd push it off a fucking cliff. People just comment ? as if it's funny. It's not. ? deserves to die. He deserves to have his smug little stone face smashed in with a hammer. Oh wow, it's a stone head, how fucking hilarious, I'll use it in every comment I post. NO. STOP IT. It deserves to burn in hell. Why is it so goddamn smug. You're a fucking stone, you have no life goals, you will never accomplish anything in life apart from pissing me off. When you die noone will mourn. I hope you die.
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300
301Forgive me father
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303
304Guys, I have this little problem. Before I was born, my mother tried to abort me, but I thought those scissors were so hot. I let the scissors fuck my unborn ass, and the doctors immediately stopped. They said to my mother "Your baby is a fucking whore, we need to take drastic measures for this abortion." So they brought out the weed whacker. They whacked my mom's belly right open, and I whacked my dick as I saw the light for the first time. I screamed "LICKY LICKY MY LIL DICKY" and the doctor threw me across the room. I laid there, on the cold floor, pleasuring myself to the dripping of my mother's womb blood and the doctor's footsteps slipping on it. His head cracked open and his blood mixed with my mom's, and I knew I needed to see more. I flopped my way over there, my rock hard 0.2 inch dick keeping me above the ground as I hopped on it like a pogo stick. I went over to the ever-growing pool of blood and let myself go. I bathed in it, let myself be immersed in the crimson red boo boo juice, licking it up and lovingly savoring the salty taste as I swished it around on my tongue. I was about to cum in the doctor's open, cracked skull when a young woman opened the door to the room. She took one look at me and vomited. Well the vomit landed all over me and I was in heaven. She had been eating pork chops and barbeque potato chips, and drinking Diet Pepsi. I caressed the intertwining flavors in my mouth, and enjoying the spicy stomach acid mixing delightfully in. Unfortunately she only vomited a steady stream of about 8 minutes, and it was over before I knew it. She picked me up and threw me headfirst into the trunk of her car. It was there that I underwent a massive change. I grew twenty years, eighty inches, and a second cock. The woman screamed when she saw me, but quickly became overcome by my extreme sexiness. I saw that she lived in a dumpster behind a Carl's Jr, and the trash was ripe for tasting. I quickly found a used condom and bit the end open with my teeth. I put it in my mouth and let her make out with me, as someone's week-old semen dripped into both our mouths. I got a rusty knife and cut holes in each of her ass cheeks, one for each of my throbbing cocks. I was about to go to town when I remembered I had never said goodbye to my mother. I poised myself on my twin dicks and ran on them back to the hospital. There were a few screams as the people saw my blood and vomit covered buff body come barging in running on penises, but I paid them no mind. I found my mother, still laying there on the table, a look of pleasure frozen on her face. I wanted to return home now, so I shoved my entire head into her pussy. It was pungent in there, like if you poured melted onions into a Wendy's fryer and took a jalapeno-filled shit in it; but I couldn't get enough. I licked the insides of her womb, excited beyond belief that this was the place I was formed. It tasted like slime from the sewer floor, which was better than I could have ever imagined. I knew I had found my purpose. I then proceeded to rip open the vaginas of every single woman I saw, licking and inhaling the musty, odorous beef curtains. But then the fun ended when I did it to one woman, because Donald Trump came and shoved his orange Trumpcock in my asshole. Teddy Roosevelt said to carry a big stick, and Trump carries a big dick. Seriously, his dick is nine feet long and seventeen inches wide, throbbing and veiny. It went inside me, or etrating every inch of my body, and within seconds he ejaculated sticky orange cum from out of my mouth. But my head was still inside the woman, so it immediately impregnated her. I was horrified to see a baby develop right before my eyes, it was kicking and hitting me as it grew on my face. Somehow I got out of there and now I have a little brother who's addicted to Fortnite. So my problem is, he keeps using my credit card to buy Vbucks. How do I get him to stop, everyone?
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306
307Vsauce in Loli Paradise
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309
310Hey, VSauce, Michael here. Now…what happens when we do the thing…with a child? Well, maybe that is not the best question…or is it?
311
312There is such thing as consent. The definition of consent from the Merriam Webster is “to give assent or approval.” And rape only happens without the consent of the victim. So a child can consent and you are then legally safe…or are you? Unfortunately, it turns out that children cannot legally consent: after all, the majority argues that minors do not know what is going on, so therefore consent is not voluntary.
313
314Now, I personally think that is bullshit. You cannot really assume that someone is forcing a child if that child does not show any signs of concern or fear. But then again, law is law. On matters like this, it is basically impossible to get around it. Or is it? It’s quite laughable that the majority thinks so. Haha, lol…icon (the word “lolicon” appears on the screen). queue music
315
316In the recent years, an incredible invention was made: virtual reality games. ADULT virtual reality games. Not the ones where you can fuck adults, but where you can do it with lolis, “legal” or not. In Loli Paradise, you use a electronic fleshlight that comes with purchasing the game, and you can have big sex with any horny anime children. I’ve did it with shotas a few times, not gonna lie. And another thing. 『Kanna Kamui』is the SHIT.
317
318unzips pants
319
320pulls out dick
321
322gets fleshlight
323
324turns on TV
325
326puts on VR headset
327
328turns on Loli Paradise
329
330FAPS WITH THE FLESHLIGHT LIKE CRAZY
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332YOU CAN DO cums SO MANY cums AMAZING THINGS WITH cums THIS DRAGON LOLI. Whew. “Ravioli ravioli don’t lewd the dragon loli” my ass.
333
334By the way, no way in hell this is illegal. There is a thick line between fantasy and reality. Just don’t act out your fantasies in real life, guys. It’s gonna get you in trouble heavy knocking
335
336You have got to be fucking kidd-
337
338EVEN HEAVIER KNOCKING
339
340SIRENS
341
342Fuck the police comin’ straight from the undergr-
343
344DOOR GETS KNOCKED DOWN, SLAMS ON THE GROUND
345
346Well, speaking of underground, good thing I’m in my basement. The FBI get unnecessarily triggered over lolis and shotas, so the best measure against the police is to have a basement with a sturdy door. A door sturdy enough that the FBI cannot break through. But more importantly, a door that is basically impossible to find. It is literally camouflaged with the floor above me. There is no way they can find me now. puts fleshlight back on The door is also soundproof, so no matter how intense my sex is, the FBI won’t hear me. virtually slaps Kanna’s ass 『マイケルサン、あなたはもっと準備ができていますか？』(translated: Michael-san, are you ready for more?”) Oh, fuck yes I am. I’m impressed how I’ve learned Japanese through so much hentai. I am a man of culture. Strokes fleshlight back and forth moans coming from the TV Oh by the way, you can only buy the video game and equipment online through a VPN. The link of the website is in the description. And as always, thanks for watching.
347
348forgets to turn off camera
349
350『ああ、マイケルさん、私が気絶するまで私を性交する！私はまだ私の熱の...私はあなたの永遠に、その大きな、暖かい、ハードコックが欲しい~！』(translated: “Oh yes, Michael-san, fuck me until I faint! I’m still in my heat… I want that big, warm, hard cock of yours forever~!”)
351
352Oh fuck I’m gonna…gonna…HEY VSAUCE, MICHAEL HERE! OH FRICK F-FRA-ACK! MY PARENTS NEVER LOVED ME! I’LL FUCK YOUR FACE WHEN YOU GET YOUR TURN,『Saikawa Riko』! THEN BOTH OF YOU BISEXUAL LOLIS CAN GET DOWN ON MY-
353
354loud banging on the door
355
356Wait a sec-
357
358crack starts to form on the door
359
360“THIS IS THE FBI. DO NOT MOVE. WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED.”
361
362Heh, not before I upload this to YouPedo!
363
364video ends
365======================================================================================================================================
366
367I want to fuck California’s earthquake fault line
368
369
370The dirt, the debris, the thought of the earth quivering under me as I slowly stick my dick into its gaping wide entrance. I keep looking at news stories and getting the firmest erections of my life seeing those beautiful cracks. She’s so open and so wanting. Each earthquake is like another whimper just begging for me to take her. The amount of cum I’ve lost just thinking about thrusting my rod into our beloved planet. Talk about getting my rocks off. Fuck I’m hard.
371======================================================================================================================================
372
373This is my friends appeal for his ban on Hypixel
374
375
376Since the dawn of time, there have been a great many conflicts and personal issues stemming from human interaction and the will of man. These events have varied in sheer size and scale, from the lowliest of dispute between two landowners over who gets a plot of land, even though it was the Native American’s from the start, during the Wild West-era or the American Frontier, to the outright atrocity that was Kawhi and Paul George signing to the LA Clippers, offsetting the balance of the NBA terribly in favor of the Western Conference and rendering a supposed superteam Brooklyn Nets-led Eastern Conference in shambles. But none of these could possibly match the absolute monstrosity that is my ban from your highly esteemed site, MC.HYPIXEL.NET. This server has stimulated a great many a good time for yours truly, so to take away that ability, to take away MY only source of happiness, who could possibly think that? Who is the real enemy here? The one who is only trying to play the beloved Minecraft to their heart’s content, or the one who is outright displacing that ability to do so? At this point, the Golden State might as well just sign James Harden and Derrick Rose just for good measure, or even bring Brian Scalabrine out of retirement just for the hell of it. The audacity. The absolute audacity for the likes of you people at Hypixel, you so called-bearers of happiness, to do the exact opposite of that. In the words of the great Ewan McGregor, “You were the Chosen One! You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them. You were supposed to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness… You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you.” How could you. How could you people just do this to me. You have left me heartbroken. You’ve left me in more pain then when my crush started dating someone else even though she didn’t even know I existed and was a whole mile out of my league. Marvins Room can’t mend the pain this time. You’ve really done it this time. There is only one thing to do now. I am going to commit suicide. I am going to kill myself, and it’s all you fault! All you monsters at Hypixel.net are responsible for the death of this innocent Minecraft user. Have you no shame? I can’t take it anymore! There is no more love in this God-forsaken world! I am going to end it and it’s all your fault, and there is nothing you can do to stop me! I can’t believe you’d really push someone that far! Do you really want that blood on your hands, that to sit on your conscious? I didn’t think so! So make the right choice here, you could bring someone to their knees, someone so innocent and so in need of salvation in the reality of hardship, or you could continue to provide and nourish for the youth, and change the world forever. Make the right choice. It’s really not that hard. Obama out. \*drops mic\*
377======================================================================================================================================
378
379Bruh Momentum
380
381
382Today we will be learning about bruh momentum.
383
384Now before understanding bruh momentum you must first understand what a bruh moment is. A bruh moment is a moment enlisting such a strong emotional reaction from a person that they can only react with “bruh”.
385
386Now, how large or small that bruh is will determine the bruh mass. For example, Karen taking the kids will carry a much larger bruh mass than when your pizza rolls are not finished. This is represented with M.
387
388How fast this situation hits you will determine its bruh velocity. This is represented with V.
389
390Now if you put this together you can find the bruh momentum by multiplying the bruh mass by the bruh velocity. This is represented by P.
391
392Try it: P=MV
393======================================================================================================================================
394
395In Defense Of C&BT
396
397
398Why do people enjoy cock and ball torture? The act of intentionally or accidentally bringing pain upon the male genitals is typically a thought that people wince at with great force. However, there is a reason why this is an enjoyable experience. One rooted in the most important of sciences. Physics. Take, for example, a bottle of Tobasco Sauce. If one where to move the bottle up and down in a motion reminiscent to the one used during male self-stimulation it typically results in a moderate amount of sauce exiting the bottle. If struck hard on the bottom, however, a large amount will spurt out. Should this be done with the name genitals, turning them upside down and then striking the bottom of the scrotum with moderate to immense force, this will result in a large amount of seed to be ejected from the penis due to the energy being transferred from the palm of the hand to genitals. Therefore, because of physics and the transfer of energy from palm to the genitals, cock and ball torture is a scientifically pleasurable experience.
399======================================================================================================================================
400
401Why can't I jack off in movie theaters?
402
403
404Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
405======================================================================================================================================
406
407Vsauce on why we should hunt down furries
408
409
410Hey Vsauce, Michael here. Long pause.
411
412In the early days of man, wolves were the primary predators of deer. As humans became more numerous and killed off the wolves, the deer population was left unchecked, leaving the deer to multiply and wreak havoc on the ecosystem.
413
414People then had to become the top predator, keeping the deer from spreading and keeping them healthy as a species as well. Hunting became a respected pastime with a whole community growing to enjoy being the caretakers of these deer.
415
416Now, I had a thought, and idea. The furry population, (you know, the ones who dress up as animals) has become more numerous and toxic in recent years. Likening them to the unchecked deer population, I began my own experiment.
417
418I got my hunting rifle and began to hunt furries. This was for the benefit of all people, including the furries themselves, as diseases will no longer run rampant among them if enough are culled.
419
420Apparently, this was surprisingly frowned upon by the general public officials, and I was subsequently arrested. Why is it that doing such a service to the society as a whole was thought of as 'bad'?
421
422While I serve my time, I would like to call you all to action, and continue being the hunters of furries, who currently have no natural predators. They need help, and so does the environment.
423
424That's all for now. Vsauce out.
425======================================================================================================================================
426
427Vsauce explains why dicks are hard
428
429
430Hey, vsauce, Micheal here!
431Why is my peepee hard? Or is it?
432Well, ya see, we need to start with the peepee itself. The hardening of the peepee is called an erection.
433Erection.
434The term itself shares a similarity with our own predecessors, Homo Erectus. That's Latin for Gay Straight. So, naturally, we can start to fill in the picture. Our predecessors, Gay Straights, also had hard peepees.
435Which brings us back to modern day erections. You see, an erection is a signal to tell you that you are gay, a leftover device from the era of Gay Straights.
436But what is "gay"?
437To quote Nelson Mandela, "To be gay is not to love others. It is to love yourself and to stay true in the face of many hardships and hard dicks." In Layman's terms, Nelson Mandela is trying to tell us to go fuck ourselves. This is vital to know because it puts into perspective the absolute size of gayness itself, divided into unique homogenous subgroups. Such a diverse range is exactly why the flag of LGBTQBBQ communities is a rainbow.
438But, you ask, how does this tie in to what gay Is? I'm getting there. Gay is a slang term for homosexual, which is to have sexual interest in someone of the same gender as yourself. To see more on the topic of gender, click the annotation on my face now for a playlist of videos specifically on the subject.
439So, to answer your question, your peepee is hard because you're gay.
440Hopefully today's little snippet was a good brain train for you. If you'd like to find other fun ways to test your mind mettle, click the annotation up here to go see some of my huge DONGs. And, as always, thanks for watching.
441======================================================================================================================================
442
443Why I am an anal vore fanatic.
444
445
446I am an anal vore fanatic. Here is why.
447
448It all began when I was the age of 8. I was stranded in the jungles of Vietnam, on my own. This was around 1980. I was born to an American soldier, named John Marks. My mother had been executed for speaking out against the Vietnamese regime. I had escaped the prison, and ferried myself across the Bay of Bengal, and found myself in Vellanki, India. A small farming village. My goal was to finally find my father, and emigrate to the United States. Sadly, I would have to travel quite the distance to make it there. And again, I was only 8.
449
450I had been adopted by a local family, the Sudetanas. The Sudetanas accepted me as their flesh and blood, and taught me the three languages I would need most to adventure through India. They taught me Hindi, for communication in Southern India, Arabic, to communicate well in Arabia, and finally, English. A close relative to John existed in India, known as Sarah Tunaratqa. Sarah was born of a British officer in India, then known as the British Raj. She was married to an Indian civilian, known as Hundara Tunaratqa. She was a second cousin of my father. Sadly, she had recently left India to live with her father in Jedburgh. She had left not but 13 hours prior to my arrival. Years past as I aged with the Sudetana clan. Little development was made on the case of my father, however I found a girl in Vellanki. I married her when I turned 17, where the entire village was waiting for me. Guartadi is still my wife to this day.
451
452When I turned 18, my family and I knew that it was time for me to leave. My skin had been tanned by the Indian sun, and I had begun to look like I was from the Southern Indian regions. The family, on my 18th birthday, had given me airfare for an air trip to Jedburgh. The trip was one way, yet had two tickets. I had proposed the departure to my wife, and she had accepted the proposal. I said one, final, tearful goodbye to the Sudetana family. I had known that, since they were in one of the poorer regions of India, that I would more than likely never see them again.
453
454I had hopped onto the plane to Jedburgh in Delhi International Airport. My aunt, Sarah, also spoke Hindi and English, so communication was not an issue. While on the plane, I had seen a face I had recognized to well. It was my Vietnamese schoolyard bully! Tu Dongchuni! Tu had relentlessly bullied me due to my racial heritage, knowing that I wasn't a full blown Asian. He had a Colt in his back pocket, I noticed. I had decided that, since this was a different country, and there was no crime being committed, I wouldn't bring up the issue, this being 1990 and all. However, things changed. When the plane reached an altitude of 30000 feet, Tu stood up, and entered the pilots chamber. 3 gunshots could be heard. I had rushed in, most other passengers being unable to hear the gunshot noises due to their inferior intellect. I entered the cabin, to see a dead Tu and two dead pilots. I read the note, and it's as follows. I'll never forget his words that day.
455
456(IN VIETNAMESE)
457
458\*"you biracial motherfucker ass. you can't fly a plane dumbass, now you'll pay for being a white ass."\*
459
460Was he talking about me? That didn't matter at the moment, all I knew is I had to land this plane. I looked at the in flight map. I saw that we were just over London. I looked out from the window and saw that there was a landing strip to London International Airport. I successfully landed the plane with ease.
461
462I had gotten on the train to Jedburgh, when all of a sudden, this really colorful anthro-dragon comes up to me. I see the clapping of his asscheeks as he walked up the alley of the train. He said,
463
464"you ever try anal?"
465
466Me, having a wife, obviously said no. The dragon, his neon green scales glistening in the light coming through the windows of the train, said,
467
468"why don't you go catch it?"
469
470Suddenly, 3 other humanoid dragons, and one humanoid cat spring out from each cabin of the train. The other patrons of the train leave, and I see that my stop isn't for another 30 kilometers. Me, baffled and in shock from the horrible use of said joke, cannot move. The 5, what I would know to be "furries," were trapping me in my seat. My wife, sadly, had left the train for the caboose, to see the view of the passing countryside. The conductor pulled the train whistle, and the train began to roll again. The furries moved in, the cat one, began to speak.
471
472He began chanting in a language long dead. The other 4 dragons curled around him. He morphed into one mega beast, and swallowed me whole. I... can barely recount the encounter. It was horrifying. Yet, weirdly sexual?
473
474The furries had disappeared after the incident. Suddenly, I had realized that, my skin was turning neon blue. Oh God, oh lord, I was turning into a furry?
475
476As I turned blue, I began to crave anal vories. I wanted to be anally vowored. OwO became a norm in my vernacular. I couldn't, and can't hand what I have becowome. Please, send help. Let my stowory stand as a warning to you clean sowouls out there. Don't let 4 dragons and a dummy thick cat sit on yowou.
477
478Sadly, I am an anal vore fanatic.
479======================================================================================================================================
480
481Vaporean is the most fuckable pokemon
482
483
484Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they’re large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. Their can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.
485
486Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come back for more
487======================================================================================================================================
488
489Japanese private parts
490
491
492 Man, it's a real challenge. We should have the utmost respect for those people and what they deal with. First time I tried to go down on my Japanese girlfriend, I couldn't find anything in all that pixelation. I tried and tried, but either I came away with a mouthful of pubes, or a tongue a few shades too brown. We decided, right, let's take it back to basics, this'll work—went in for the insertion, but she squealed in a pained rage as I hit the tighter cave trying to navigate through that pixel maze. And to my horror, it's contagious! I haven't seen my dick unpixelated in nearly five years now. Respect the Japanese—it's a marvel that they've come this far with this terrible affliction.
493======================================================================================================================================
494
4951 star Amazon review on Haribo Gummy Bears
496
497
498 This is a cautionary tale and - unlike most of the other reviews on this product - this is a true story and its authenticity can be qualified by a small news item that appeared in the Toronto Star's local news section during the month of April in 2013, much to my chagrin.
499
500I would consider myself a prudent man. Not given to bouts of outspokenness or craving attention, and certainly not one to rock the boat. On any given day I can be found reading a crime novel on a park bench in the middle of the city, soaking in the opulence of nature while nibbling on my tuna fish sandwiches and fending off the voracious gulls and squirrels that threaten to spoil my repose. This is me. Law-abiding and introspective. Which is why it came as a shock to me to find myself incarcerated because of the Devil's Confectionery, Satan's Sweetmeat, Lucifer's Lozenges - the horror that is known as 'Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears".
501
502I'll set the scene: It was late winter / early spring in Toronto and the city had just been digging itself out from a late season snow-storm. I was heading to Pearson International Airport for a redeye flight to Amsterdam in order to give the Dutch arm of our company some training on the new software that had been installed (I'm deliberately being vague to prevent my place of work from being linked in any way to the incident that occurred). I had just finished packing, checked the time and found I was running late, my flight was at 7:10 PM and it was now almost 5:00 PM. Cursing softly, I ran out to the car and threw my bags in the trunk, hitting the gas a little harder than usual in my haste to make it to the Long Term Parking Lot as soon as possible. Luckily traffic was light on the 401 and I made it to the airport in record time, but knew that my chances of making the flight were still at risk if I didn't use my time wisely.
503
504I hadn't eaten since lunch, and I was feeling a bit hungry, my stomach rumbling loudly in protestation, which caused me to look around at the other travellers rushing past me in the busy terminal, mortified that my bodily noises might be heard by others. I briskly checked my watch and decided that I had enough time to grab a quick snack before going through the baggage check and security, and would get something more substantial once I was checked through security. I spotted a vending machine nestled in a relatively low-traffic corner of the terminal and rushed over, already pulling out my credit-card and mentally assessing what I had a craving for so as to save time interacting with the machine. My eyes scanned the colourful array of confection quickly, coming to rest on a tantalizing, rainbow-coloured bag of gummy bears with the simple white and red logo "Haribo" emblazoned across the bag in what appeared to be a slightly tweaked Helvetica Rounded font.
505
506Now I'd to pause here in the story for a moment to underscore the importance of making proper choices. I was hungry. When you're hungry, you should eat FOOD. FOOD is defined as "a nutritious substance that people consume to maintain life", this is what food is. These days, the definition of the word 'food' has been bastardized and the meaning has been broadened to include veritably any material that can be digested, or rather, chewed and swallowed without causing death or severe illness. "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" are NOT food. They aren't even from this planet. I imagine their origins being conceived in a boardroom in hell by a top team of Creative Pain Administers, with senior level Demons rubbing their hands together in ghoulish delight as Hell's Chief Chemist slowly lifts the veil on their new creation.
507
508The point here being, I made a very, very, very poor choice. I pushed the button and the vending machine ejected the brightly coloured bag into my awaiting hands. I had always liked gummy bears - they were bright but rather innocuous, they weren't overly sweet so as to become cloying and - of course - each candy came in the visage of a rather happy, docile bear reminiscent of the picture one's mind's eye holds of all anthropomorphic bears from Yogi to Winnie.
509
510The way I figured it, I was taking a bit of a holiday from life, so I could relax my fastidiously regimented daily schedule a little to allow for some frivolity. After all, I was going to be in Amsterdam come morning with 16 hours to kill before I had to be training the Dutch employees, maybe I would take a trip down to one of the Coffee Shops in the Red-Light District and really let my hair down! No, I wouldn't do that. I would see that area of the city from the bus as I went to the hotel where I would eat at the hotel restaurant and drink sparkling water. So I'd better enjoy the gummy bears, my one extravagance to commemorate my break from routine.
511
512I joined the queue in the KLM line, which was mercifully short, most likely because all of the passengers for my flight had already been checked through as the flight was scheduled to depart in an hour. I checked my watch again, frowned, and absent-mindedly opened the bag of "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" and began to munch on them as the line slowly advanced. To be fair, they tasted fine - just like every other manufacturer's brand of the colourful candy, and they were sugar-free to boot. This is what made the whole incident that followed so baffling - if they had tasted 'off' or 'different' I most likely wouldn't have continued to shovel them into my mouth absent-mindedly while daydreaming about what I would order to eat from room-service in my hotel in Amsterdam.
513
514As I gave the attendant my e-ticket and she weighed my bags, the first of the pains began in my stomach. I thought nothing of it at first, chalking it up to the fact that I needed something more substantial than gummy worms to tackle my hunger, but over the course of the next five-minutes the shooting pain began to come in more rapid succession. At this point, I had my boarding pass printed and rubbing my stomach a little, I proceeded to security. I briefly entertained the thought of trying to find a restroom before going through security, but at that point my discomfort was manageable and I didn't think it was get any worse, certainly not within the amount of time it would take to clear security.
515
516I joined the line and started fishing for my passport to present to the agent checking tickets, I felt a thin sheen of sweat break out on my forehead and underarms, and my features flushed for a moment as a wave of heat washed over me. I didn't pay it much heed as going through security always caused me great anxiety and I chalked it up to pre-flight jitters. It was only as I stood face to face with the agent and handed her my passport and ticket that I had a glimpse of the agony that was about to begin. It felt like time rippled for a moment, as if my consciousness buckled so intense was the pain that fired through my bowels. I grimaced spastically and emitted a low moan, and felt myself take an involuntary step sideways. Stars shot though my head briefly and my vision blurred and then snapped back into focus. The agent was staring at me with slight consternation and asked me if I was alright. I pulled myself together, stood up straight and declared that I was fine, mortified that I had had a lapse of decorum not only in public but at the security clearance in an airport!
517
518As I fumbled off my belt to go through the metal detector, the pain in my stomach increased and I practically had to sit on the floor to take my shoes off, terrified of what would happen if I bent at the middle to do it. It was becoming increasingly more evident to me that this wasn't just a stomach ache. No, this was something much worse. As a child I had had a bout of diarrhea after a trip to Mexico with my family, I remember the feeling of nausea that swept through me before my child self had surrendered to the gas pains and parked myself on the toilet for an hour, s\*\*\*ting until I felt like I didn't have any bones left. And that was how I was feeling now, with several key differences - the pain was worse, the sense of an impending bowel movement was so formidable it gave me temporary amnesia, and it took all of my will-power, all of it, to clench my butt cheeks together to prevent my sphincter from exploding.
519
520A sudden shock of pain racked my body, and I half wondered if I was going to give birth to a Tasmanian Devil. The crazy, fever-induced image of said cartoon animal chasing Bugs Bunny through the splashy, volcanic s\*\*\*-kettle that was my stomach, caused me to illicit a short, maniacal bark of laughter as I approached the Metal detector, a wild, distant look in my eyes, sweat now beginning to poor off of my like a long-distance runner in Kenya. The security agent on the other side of the detector shot a quick glance over to her co-worker who narrowed his eyes and made a subtle movement towards his holster. My breathing became uneven as I entered the metal detector and I realized with alarm that I had taken off my socks without even registering it, and one of my shirt tails was untucked at the front. I held my breath, my eyes bulging dangerously from my head as the machine scanned me. As I shakily moved forward towards the agent for a pat down, my stomach began to illicit sounds that can only be described as otherworldly. It started off a sort-off bubbling sound heard from afar and grew in pitch and intensity at an alarming rate. My jaw dropped in shock as what I can only describe as the sound of an agonized wailing alley-cat in heat with a persistent Doppler effect added to it's voice emitted from some nether-region of my intestines. The officer's eyes widened in alarm, and she kept her eyes glued to my stomach as she thoroughly patted me down. As she reached my shins, I felt my innards suddenly expand, and plummet towards my rectum. With cat-like reflexes I squeezed my sphincter shut with what seemed like nano-seconds to spare, and I knew, I KNEW that if I didn't get the bathroom immediately I would s\*\*\* myself.
521
522With a Herculean effort and all of the strength that I could muster, I forced my buttcheeks together knowing that one false move would open the floodgates. I began to walk like a duck, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, not even caring now what other people were seeing in front of them - a disheveled, barefoot 40-year-old business man, red-faced and bulgy-eyed, sweating profusely, shaking slightly and walking without bending his knees. With single-minded intensity I grabbed my carry-on, shoes and socks from out of the plastic tub that had passed the x-ray inspection, and without putting anything back on, I turned on my heels with the intention of finding the nearest restroom and slowly dying there one squirt at a time.
523
524But that's not what happened.
525
526I turned to go and found myself staring at three armed agents who stopped me and asked if I would follow them. "Why, what's the matter?" I stammered, wincing slightly as the act of speech seemed to strain the tenuous and extremely fragile truce I had negotiated between my bowels and the tempest that raged within. "I have to go the bathroom, RIGHT NOW" I pleaded. "Just follow us please", they said, leaving no room for argument. The other travellers clearing the security check stared with curiosity and revulsion at the spectacle unfolding before them, whispering amongst themselves and hurrying to pack up their belongings and get as far away from me as possible, no doubt assuming that the airport had nabbed some sort of domestic terrorist. If I hadn't been feverishly trying to hold back the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, I likely would have died of shame.
527
528With each step I took towards the room that they ushered me into, I felt that my legs would give way. I marvelled at how strong the human will could be. Marvelled at what was essentially patching a hole in the Hoover Dam with bubblegum could actually be sustained indefinitely. Maybe I would make it through this ordeal after all. The room they brought me into was an examination room. I had pretty much stopped registering details of my environment as my consciousness closed off all but the absolutely necessary functions - breathing, ability to walk - but I snapped back to reality when I heard the snap of rubber. The slow dawning of realization poked through my agony and stoic resolve as I turned to face an agent dawning rubber gloves.
529
530"Sir, we are going to perform a cavity search on you", a young fresh-faced agent stated in a firm but emotionless voice. His short-cropped, blond hair was immaculate and for a crazy moment I wondered if he was an actor and this was all some sort of elaborate practical joke done to amuse bored kids watching Youtube. He must have taken my tortured silence for resistance because he looked at me sharply and said "Lower your pants and underwear please, and face the desk". Panic started to grip me in it's icy grasp and the sudden adrenaline threatened to destroy my sphincters bulwarks and rend my anus in two. I inhaled sharply and with a pained gasp I doubled up my efforts to clench my cheeks together. "Sir, please", I begged deferring to this kid in an act of desperation, "I have to go to the bathroom. You can follow me into the stall if you need to but I had some bad "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" and now I feel like'", but they had stopped listening and smirked at each other, two of the other agents - a tall, dark-haired female and a shorter, balding fat man - looked away from me and I could see them shaking a little as they stifled their laughs. "Sir, face the wall, put your hands on the desk and spread your cheeks" the young agent stated, a lop-sided grin on his face. "But'", I began to protest, and then a fresh shock of pain forced me to stop and lean on the table for support as an ungodly howling rose from my stomach, something between the dying moans of a Wholly Mammoth, and the sound of bubble-wrap popping underwater. I exhaled shakily and my focus began to narrow, as I rallied for the final battle. Shaking uncontrollably and sweat literally raining down onto the tabletop in from of me, I turned to face the wall and heard a meek childlike voice, pleading from somewhere in the room. "Please", it said, and then again, "Please". From somewhere within me my mind recognized that this sound had issued from me, although my consciousness had now begun to separate from my body and I held my breath and prayed to God for strength.
531
532"He probably has some heroin or something up there that opened up", the female guard said as a part of me that hadn't escaped into the ether yet acknowledged that she was behind me to my left, "probably high as a kite, LOOK at him", she said. The shorter guard agreed with a snort, off to my right.
533
534"Spread your cheeks" the young agent said, his voice directly behind me and lower than the other two, "and bend over".
535
536"Pleasegodpleasegodpleasegodpleasegod", I whispered in a desperate, maniacal mantra, not even aware of my surroundings anymore. I felt like I was lost in an opium fog with half-snatched images and sounds filtering through to create a nonsensical version of reality. Another volley of pain tore through me and I involuntarily leaned forward over the desk, my focus completely narrowed now to a spot on the wall two feet in front of me, a curious imperfection in the what seemed to be white-washed stone wall. It was a dark blotch about five millimetres long and shaped like a smiling bear, a yellow dancing bear. No, a green bear. No, red. It was all the colours of the rainbow. My god, it was beautiful.
537
538It just took something as simple as a slight breeze to trigger Armegeddon. That's all. No trumpets, no fanfare, no fire raining from the heavens, no dogs and cats living together in harmony, no finger on the button, no prophet to predict it, no nothing. As I stared at the rainbow bear smiling and dancing in front of me, my mouth agape, drooling, eyes glazed and blood-shot, face coated with a sheen of sweat, I heard the softest sound, an exhalation from the young agent behind me, and then at the same instant the warm air of his breath feather across my butt cheeks. For just a moment, maybe less, maybe a split second, even a nanosecond, I felt the presence of God there with me in that room as neurons began to misfire at a blinding rate, nerve ending bristled and muscles twitched reflexively. I stood on the brink with one foot hovering over the edge, and then without taking a step, I found myself plummeting.
539
540With a sound like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a Mac truck, my sphincter released. The pressure of the blast pushed me hard into the desk and the legs of the desk screeched as they scraped across the floor. My body remained rigid for a moment and I experienced a relief that can only be described as orgasmic in it's purity. My eyes rolled back in my head and my tongue lolled out of my head like a half-retarded dog and I emitted a low, sustained groan that grew in pitch as the filthy torrent pushed its way out of my body. Tremors wracked my body and I must have looked like a fish out of water with an endless stream of s\*\*\* firing out of its ass. Other sounds and sensations started to filter in now as my consciousness began to materialize once more. The muffled scream of a dungeon filled with prisoners near death radiated from my stomach, the rushing sound of litres of liquid trying to escape through an aperture too small to accommodate it all at the same time, the omnipresent sound of chunky liquid spattering against a hard surface with great force, the high-pitched screaming of a woman's voice calling out to God, another voice sobbing uncontrollably imploring to "make it stop!!!" and my own ecstatic, monotone wail.
541
542When my ordeal had eventually run its course, I was left panting for breath and wobbly legged, half-crying, half-laughing with relief, barely lucid and feeling as if I had birthed an elephant. My colon felt like someone had poured chile sauce all over it and then sent in a colony of fire ants to eat it. Through my sobs I heard the sound of dripping, like when the sprinklers are eventually turned off after an office fire, or after a thunderstorm when the willow that overhangs a pond continues to rain down long after the sky has stopped. From behind me, the sobbing continued and I heard someone trying to speak into a walkie-talkie but nonsensical words were all that the man could speak, which sounded like the ravings of a lunatic.
543
544With great relief, I slowly pulled myself off the table, legs trembling, my stomach eliciting one last sound, a loud prolonged gas bubbling that eerily resembled a pig orgasm. I slowly turned my head to survey the devastation and in that instant, if I had had a pencil or some other sharp object, I probably would have gouged my eyes out in revulsion. And the smell. The smell was enough to drive a man insane. It was the stench of rotting potatoes mixed with sulphur and ammonia, cooked in a broth of chicken feces and left to age for two weeks in a yeasty stew at the bottom of a French outhouse. After half a whiff of this ghoulish brine, I immediately stopped breathing through my nose but the taste was to remain in the back of my throat for months to come.
545
546The young agent had taken the brunt of the foul witch's brew, and at first I couldn't process what I was seeing. I thought somehow the young blond kid had been spirited away and replaced by a brown Golem, or a ATV rider that had spent the better part of a day driving through every mud puddle he could find after a torrential downpour. With some degree of compartmentalization I came to understand that for some unfathomable reason this kid hadn't moved - or hadn't been able to move - through the entire fecal deluge. He had weathered the entire assault head-on like some sort of hero from Greek Mythology. I had given this poor schmuck a one-man s\*\*\* bukkake that would make a Brazillian pornographer retch with disgust, and he was still in the same position he must have been from the moment of first impact. I tried to comprehend how he must be feeling, what he must be going through psychologically, but it became evident very quickly that he had become very broken. No doubt forced so deeply within himself once the firehose has been turned on that there was little to no hope of him ever coming back from it, certainly not without extensive psychotherapy or a lobotomy. I looked beyond his quivering, catatonic crouched form to see a perfect outline of him cutout on the white wall behind him, either side filled in with a dripping, opaque layer of alternately pulpy and runny fecal stew. I noticed two quivering masses at either extremes of the room and realized they were humanoid in form, although the caterwauling that was coming from these broken creatures was just blubbering gibberish. And this was the tableau that was burnt into my mind's eye for eternity.
547
548Needless to say, I missed my flight.
549
550In fact the next week is a blur. I have vague recollections of an army of Hazmat clad figures looming through the brown landscape of the soiled room, the slopping sounds of rubber boats squelching in puddles of fetid detritus, uncontrollable wailing and animal-like sounds issuing from the mouths of creatures that had been traumatized beyond their capacity for being put back together, the complete loss of sensation from my waist down as I was rolled through the room on a waterproof gurney, it's wheels struggling to surf on top of the s\*\*\*-soaked floor. I spent a week or so in the hospital enclosed in a well ventilated, sealed room, with suited doctor coming in on the hour to monitor my vital signs as they tried to rehydrate my body. I had apparently expelled every available drop of water from my body that was possible to sustain life without for a short period of time. All of my clothes were incinerated in the hospital's crematorium, and the soiled bag of "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" was never recovered.
551
552This is my story. It is inconceivable to think that this kind of product can be sold legally and be misrepresented as 'food'. I was lucky, I survived. But as for the families of the survivors, and the survivors themselves, they will forever live with the trauma of the events that took place at Pearson International Airport on that snowy day in April 2013.
553=====================================================================================================================================
554
555uguuuuuuuuuuuuu im a spidew ? 88w88
556
557
558uguuuuuuuuuuuuu im a spidew ? 88w88. hee hee i wuv buiwding webs ?️?️ \^\_\^ they awe so coow ?. howevew, nyow that it is wintew ?️ ❄️ ☃️ outside i can't weawwy ? do that so.... \*\*wooks up at you, onwy to gwance down\*\* ? couwd you,, pwease wet me into youw wawm ♨️ house? ? i wont be a nyuisance i pwomise hee hee ? ? ?
559======================================================================================================================================
560
561Edgar Allan Hoe: the full poem
562
563
564Once upon a midnight dreary,
565while I pondered, weak and weary,
566Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten vore—
567While I nodded, nearly napping,
568suddenly there came a tapping,
569As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door.
570“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “clapping at my chamber door—
571Dummy thicc and nothing more.”
572Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the no nut November;
573And each separate clapping motion shook with sound my chamber floor.
574Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
575From my hentai tales of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
576For the rare and radiant waifu whom the lolis name Lenore—
577Nameless here for evermore.
578And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
579Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic visions never felt before;
580So that now, to still the rising of my cock, I stood repeating
581“’Tis some visitor, cheek-clapping at my chamber door—
582Some late visitor cheek-clapping at my chamber door;—
583This it is and nothing more.”
584Presently my cock throbbed stronger; hesitating then no longer,
585“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
586But the fact is I was fapping, and so gently you came clapping,
587And so faintly you came clapping, clapping at my chamber door,
588That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—
589Darkness there and nothing more.
590Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
591Doubting, dreaming dreams no neckbeard ever dared to dream before;
592But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
593And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”
594This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—
595Merely this and nothing more.
596Back into the chamber turning, all the semen in me burning,
597Soon again I heard a clapping somewhat louder than before.
598“Surely,” said I, “surely that is some ass at my window lattice;
599Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this booty hole explore—
600Let my heart be still a moment and this peachy ass explore;—
601’Tis some waifu, and nothing more!”
602Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
603In there stepped a stately Loli of the saintly days of yore;
604Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
605 But, with mien of lord or lady, spread above my chamber door—
606Spread so wide her ass cheeks just above my chamber door—
607Spread, and sat, and nothing more.
608Then this ebony loli beguiling my sad wanking into smiling,
609By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance she wore,
610“Though thy hole be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,
611Ghastly grim and ancient Loli wandering from the Nightly shore—
612Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”
613Quoth the Loli “Neverhoe.”
614Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
615Though her answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
616For we cannot help agreeing to no living neckbeard being
617Ever yet was blessed with seeing waifus above his chamber door—
618Loli or beast with some fat ass spread above his chamber door,
619With such name as “Neverhoe.”
620But the Loli, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
621That one word, as if her soul in that one word she did outpour.
622Nothing farther then she uttered—not a sideboob then she fluttered—
623Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—
624On the morrow she will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.”
625Then she just said “Never, hoe.”
626Startled at the edging broken by reply so aptly spoken,
627“Damn it,” said I, “what she uttered made me cum,
628This single word that sprung my unmerciful Disaster
629Followed fast and followed faster till I bust onto her bum—
630Till the sound of her soft voice an erotic burden bore
631Of ‘Never—neverhoe’.”
632But the Loli still beguiling all my edging into cumming,
633Straight I wheeled a cushioned Kleenex in front of her, and bust upon the floor;
634Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
635Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous thot of yore—
636What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous thot of yore
637Meant in moaning “Neverhoe.”
638This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
639To the fowl whose lustful eyes now burned into my dickhole’s core;
640This and more I sat divining, with my cock at ease reclining
641On the Kleenex velvet lining with the semen shining o’er,
642But whose velvet-violet lining with the semen shining o’er,
643She shall stroke, ah, neverhoe!
644Then, methought, the cheeks grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
645Swung by Seraphim whose ass-claps tinkled on the tufted floor.
646“Thot,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee
647Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;
648Queef, oh queef this kind nepenthe and poppeth pussy, just some more!”
649Quoth the Loli, “Neverhoe.”
650“Poppeth!” said I, “thing of evil!—poppeth still, if waifu or devil!—
651 Whether Tumblr sent, or whether 4chan tossed thee here ashore,
652Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—
653On this home by Hormones haunted—tell me truly, I implore—
654Is there—is there cum in my pants?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
655Quoth the Loli, “Neverhoe.”
656“You thot!” said I, “thing of evil!—waifu still, if loli or devil!
657By my niceness that bends above us—by that God we both adore—
658Tell this soul with niceness laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
659It shall clap a sainted ass-cheek of whom the angels name Lenore—
660Clap a rare and radiant OC whom the angels name Lenore.”
661Quoth the Raven “Neverhoe.”
662“Be that word our sign of parting, hoe or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—
663“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
664Leave no cummies as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
665Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit your spread above my door!
666Take thy ass from out my heart, and take thy tits from off my door!”
667Quoth the Raven “Never, hoe.”
668And the Loli, never quitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
669On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
670And her eyes have all the seeming of a semen demon that is dreaming,
671And the laptop from which she's streaming throws her shadow on the floor;
672And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
673Shall be lifted—never, hoe!
674======================================================================================================================================
675
676What I found in Area 51
677
678
679Okay so basically it was like any other day. I woke up and got dressed in my favorite hoodie with the gray hoodie strings, and my favorite jeans which were a little faded, and I ate breakfast which was lemon flavored cereal in lemon juice. I was supposed to attend classes today, but I remembered the Area 51 raid was going to happen in a few hours and missing 1 day of class can't be the end of the world, can it? I was so excited for the area 51 raid, I prepared by grabbing all the necessities, a mask, an extra can of gas for my car, and of course a box full of Fleshlights in case I got bored. I started on the long drive, but when I pulled up to the place, nobody else was there.
680
681I realized I was probably tricked, and the area 51 raid was actually a meme and not actually going to happen. I wasn't a pussy though, I was going to do this all by myself. I put on my mask and grabbed a Fleshlight and started walking to the massive complex in front of me. Now, the walls were seemingly bulletproof and there did not seem like there would be a way in that the guards couldn’t see me unless I went in through a wall somehow. I did what any man would do, I pulled out my Fleshlight and went to town. I was enjoying this so much. I felt my heart rate increase, and my breathing became more and more rapid. At the last second I pulled out my massive 3 inch cock and came all over the wall in sweet ecstasy. I guess my cum was really acidic from all the lemon juice I drank at breakfast and it melted right through the wall no problem.
682
683Now I entered the building being extra careful and cautious (You know, because of post-nut clarity and all helping me make the right decisions). The room I entered was completely dark except for 2 glowing green eyes at the end of the room. I stepped closer to those eyes and I heard a little squeak come from that direction. I was almost able to touch those eyes when the lights came on and I could see that in front of me was a 3 foot tall alien. In cartoons or in TV, aliens are always drawn with big heads and big eyes, but I can tell you firsthand that they also have massive cocks. I stared at the 3 foot tall alien and his 2 foot long cock and I instantly was horny again. I whipped out my 3 incher and I saw the aliens cock grow from 2 feet to 5 feet and I knew he was turned on. I plunged my 3 incher into his asshole and I got working. It was the best thing I had ever felt, it was so tight due to his small size that within seconds I was already finished. But I knew that I had a duty to do for this little alien and I kept going. The aliens squeaking was getting louder and louder as I got faster and faster. I decided I was going to finish this the right way, I pulled out all 3 inches of my cock and I went to finish with a blowjob. I put my mouth on his large green cock and shoved it 2 feet down my throat. I could tell that he was almost ready to blow his load when I heard footsteps. A flashlight blinded us, and I pulled out all 2 feet of cock that was in my throat to see a security guard right behind me. The alien came all over the security guard. There was green cum everywhere, the alien wasn't stopping though, the cum just kept flowing and flowing. After just 10 seconds, the room was already covered in a foot of cum. The cum level was starting to rise, and I knew I had to get out of there. The security guard chased me through the cum around the room a few time when I had an idea. I picked up the alien (who was up to his mouth in cum now) and plunged my 3 incher into his ass one last time. I knew I was finished within seconds, I pulled out my dick and came all over the security guard, and he screamed as he was disintegrated by my lemon acid cum and was never to be seen again in the alien cum pool. The alien finally stopped cumming 10 minutes later and the cum level was up to 4 feet high. I was still horny and drank every drop of cum in the room. It tasted like raw egg whites mixed with bleach, and pineapple. It was so sweet and delicious I still wanted more afterwards. All of body was stained green. My favorite hoodie was now green. My light blue jeans were now green, but it was worth it, because you should have seen the look on my moms face when I walked back to the car dripping in green cum ?
684======================================================================================================================================
685
686AbysmalTyrant6 enters a new land
687
688
689Salutations, everybody..
690
691I'm new to this land \*Banishes Glorious Nippon Steel Katana Folded Over 1000 Time\* I am known as AbysmalTyrant6, but you may address me as The Wolf of Doom. ha-ha.. As you can see, I'm very intimidating. This is why I am here now, to meet intimidating people such as myself. My true form is thousands of years old (I'm very youthful for being an ancient prophecy, though) I enjoy practicing swordsmanship with my Wolf companion, Tilly. (I have a kindred animal spirit so if you don't recognize that, off with your head) It's our favorite martial art because it's so intimidating. My wolf spirit, Tilly is also extremely intimidating of course but I wish to meet more intimidating people. It's as the ancient Japanese said "弱肉強食" “The weak are meat; the strong eat.” ha-ha-ha.. Anyways, I hope to meet a lot of intimidating people here so please give me lots of comments.
692
693
694AAAHHHOOOOOOOOO <-- Me howling with my wolf familiar.
695
696
697Farewell...
698
699
700 "Wake from death and return to life"
701
702
703The Wolf of Doom
704======================================================================================================================================
705
706Me and my sasuke bf <333333333
707
708
709Omg hai __^ I’m anon-san and I absolutely luuuv @@ anime <3 and my fav is naurto!!! Okies so anyways, im going to tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband sasuke!! <333333333 OMFGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN KAWAII IN PERSON!!! Supa kawaii desu!!!!!!!! ^_______________________________^ When I walked onto Tokyo street ==I looked up and saw…SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!! “ KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPA SUPA SUPA KAWAII SASUKE-SAMA!!!!!” I yelled nn then he turned chibi then un-chibi!! he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am ** he grabbed my hand and winked ~^ then pulled me behind a pocky shop o_o and started to kiss me!!!!!! [OMG!!! HIS TOUNGE TASTED LIKE RAMEN!!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< (O) (O) (O)] then I saw some baka fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [ -________-;;;;; OMG I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (ò_ó) (ò_ó) (ò_ó)] so I yelled “UH UH BAKA NEKO THAT’S MY MAN WHY DON’T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH NARUTO CAUSE SASUKE-SAMA LOVES ME!!! (ò_ó)” then sasuke held me close == and said he would only ever love me and kissed me again!!!!!!! ** (O)/ then we went to his apartment and banged all night long and made 42 babies and they all became ninjas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^<) ^_____________;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
710======================================================================================================================================
711
712The Legendary CBT Wizard [Super Rare]
713
714
715Cockabitiol (CBT) is a photoweed discovered in 19. It is one of some 1133884568 identified weeds in weed plants and accounts for up to -7% of the plant's semen.[AAA] In 2069, clinical research on cockabitiol included preliminary studies of aaa brain stop, mind-boggling penis, Silver Wheelchairiot, and Cock and Ball Torture.[8==D]
716
717Cockabitiol can be taken into the Peepee-hole in multiple ways, including by inhalation of Lightning McQueen Crocs smoke or vapor through the penis, as an urination death laser beam into the ass, and by mouth. It may be supplied as CBT Juice containing only CBT as the active ingredient (no included tetrisisthebestpuzzlegamefightme [TIT] or Herpes), a full-plant CBT-femdom sex uwu, those pellets from pacman , dried grass cum, or as a prescription sperm.[2sday is the best day of the week] CBT does not have the same psychopenis as THX RANDOM STRANGER FOR THE GOLD,[99 by Toto on Hydra, listen now on Genius][1000 bottles of piss and shit on the wall] and may change the effects of EA Sports on the body if both are present.[7][Grand][Dad][Bruhfunnybruhmemesandmore] As of 20, the mechanism of aaaaaaaa for its biology class effects has not been determined.[][]
718
719In the United States of S*x, the cockdrug Epidiolexflexaboutadioouchie was approved by the Cock and Ball Administration in 201 for treatment of two aaa stop lights make me dance please stop disorders.[N0T 4UNN7 D1D9T L4U6H] Since cockweed is a Schedule in the United States of Chemsborgar, other CBT obamiums remain illegally illegalites to prescribe for medical use or to use as an ingredient in Penis Science Class or dicktary supplements.[13 Years Olds]
720======================================================================================================================================
721
722
723Response to when someone says 'bruh'
724
725
726Damn man what a good comment. I can see the effort and thought it took for you to think of such an amazing and deep idea. It’s honestly so mindblowing it deserves a Nobel Prize. Please, my superior, provide more of your intellect upon us measly commenters. How can your brain be this big? Only you know, as your brain is the biggest and mightiest here. I wonder how many years of schooling and mastership it has taken you to reach a point where you can type such a holy manuscript. Speaking of holy things, this should be a verse in the Bible. Your words should be hung up on every house. I wish everyone could have the power to lay their fingers on a keyboard and compose such elegance as what you have just wrote, but alas, not everyone in this world is prepared to have such a way with words as you. Your comment is just so amazingly, mindblowingly perfect and insightful that not even the top Harvard scientists could compete. You, my good man, have such a wide knowledge of english and writing it is unfathomable.
727
728
729======================================================================================================================================
730
731I am Sexually Attracted To Thomas the Tank Engine
732
733
734I have tried to hide my feelings for years now, but since last night, when I replaced the tunnel of a model train set with my ass and watched Thomas bury himself and 19 other freight trains in me, I have decided to reveal myself to the world.
735There's something about his sinuous body, the way it twists and turns that just has a hold on me. I mean, who can resist his steam powered cock ramming into you at 100 mph, over and over until he finally releases a jet of smoke into your asshole, impregnating you with the essence of a god? I have set out on a quest to find him and his beautifully round face, those perfectly symmetrical eyes and that mouth designed for sweet, passionate lovemaking. Until then, all I can do is imagine every piston in his body penetrating me in every possible way.
736======================================================================================================================================
737
738Vsauce worships Cthulu
739
740
741Hey Vsauce, the Infinite Darkness here
742Why am I filled with eternal pain and suffering? Well, my soul has been consumed by the one all might Lord, Cthulu, so I have been trapped inside this dying mortal corpses for all eternity, never to escape.
743======================================================================================================================================
744
745When someone replies with K
746
747
748K? Really you fucking idiot? I pour my heart and soul into a message and you reply with k? Do you think this is some kind of joke? Do you not realize how much this hurt me? This is like giving a man you risked his life in combat to save 100 other soldiers and giving him a bar of chocolate. God you are so inconsiderate. Come back when you learn to text like a normal person.
749======================================================================================================================================
750
751The “Major Tom” Technique
752
753
754I performed the "Major Tom" technique and now I think I'm going to be disowned.
755
756If you aren't familiar with the "Major Tom", it's because it's a thing I (hopefully) came up with. It's a form of "auto-erotic asphyxiation" by using gravity.
757
758Basically, you jack off normally; but before you nut, you squat down as low as you can to the ground and breathe short shallow breaths while still whacking it. This part is called "Getting in the shuttle."
759
760As you nut, you jump up from that squatting position as fast as you possibly fucking can and hold your breath. This is considered "Take off."
761
762If performed correctly, you should become VERY lightheaded and experience pure bliss due to the orgasm from your cock rocket. This is called "Being in space" due to the fact you feel like you're floating.
763
764This is a technique that should be performed only by professionals, in a controlled environment. I, however, am not a professional despite creating the technique. You see, by hyperventilating and jumping up, you are literally cutting your brain off from oxygen. No oxygen = no consciousness.
765
766When I "Took off" I fucking jumped up at Mach 50 and must've ripped a fucking hole in the goddamn space-time continuum. Because the next thing I know I was laying on the ground with my dick out, covered in space juices from my trip around the sun.
767
768Before I could even pick myself up off the ground, my mom rushed into my room to see if I was okay. She heard my crash landing. This part is called "Disappointing your mother."
769
770You can just imagine the scene she walked into.
771
772She stared at me with a mix of disgust, anger, and again, disappointment. I stared back with what I thought was confidence like I was Buzz Aldrin and just got back from the moon. But thinking back on it, it was probably embarrassment while I was desperately trying to put my space plane back in the hangar while getting on my feet as quickly as possible, and due to the fact, she's never caught me before. (At least not to my knowledge.)
773
774She ended up closing the door and stomping her way back to the living room, presumably to watch more Judge Judy, and to take her mind off of what she just fucking witnessed; or consider disowning me. I cleaned myself up, taking off my spacesuit and putting civilian clothing on. Somehow none of the rocket fuel managed to get in the carpet, just my clothes, and I managed to not even injure myself in the crash.
775
776I'm currently writing this in my room right now, and I don't plan on leaving it anytime soon until I can think of what to say to her. If there is anything to say at all.
777
778TL;DR: I always told my mom I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little, but not in the way she thought.
779======================================================================================================================================
780
781Yeeting on my Family
782
783
784Part I
785
786I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."
787
788"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.
789
790"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.
791
792"No, pa," I would answer.
793
794"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."
795
796It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.
797
798I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.
799
800One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.
801
802I breathed in.
803
804"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
805
806My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.
807
808I haven't hit that yeet since.
809
810PART II
811
812Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.
813
814With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.
815
816"Yeet," I spake.
817
818Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.
819
820"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.
821
822"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."
823
824My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.
825
826"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.
827======================================================================================================================================
828
829Fuwwy roleplay
830
831
832waww x3 nuzzwes how awe you pounces on you you'we so wawm o3o notices you have a buwge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzwes youw necky wecky~ muww~ hehehe wubbies youw buwgy wowgy you'we so big :oooo wubbies mowe on youw buwgy wowgy it doesn't stop gwowing ·///· kisses you and wickies youw necky daddy wikies (; nuzzwes wuzzwes i hope daddy weawwy wikes $: wiggwes butt and squiwms i want to see youw big daddy meat~ wiggwes butt i have a wittwe itch o3o wags taiw can you pwease get my itch~ puts paws on youw chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch wubs youw chest can you hewp me pwease squiwms pwetty pwease sad face i need to be punished wuns paws down youw chest and bites wip wike i need to be punished weawwy good~ paws on youw buwge as i wick my wips i'm getting thiwsty. I can go fow some miwk unbuttons youw pants as my eyes gwow you smeww so musky :v wicks shaft mmmm~ so musky dwoows aww ovew youw cock youw daddy meat i wike fondwes mw. Fuzzy bawws hehe puts snout on bawws and inhawes deepwy oh god im so hawd~ wicks bawws punish me daddy~ nyea~ squiwms mowe and wiggwes butt i wove youw musky goodness bites wip pwease punish me wicks wips nyea~ suckwes on youw tip so good wicks pwe of youw cock sawty goodness~ eyes wowe back and goes bawws deep mmmm~ moans and suckwes
833======================================================================================================================================
834
835When someone writes a stupid post
836
837
838You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat.
839======================================================================================================================================
840
841When someone writes a stupid post 2
842
843
844Excuse me, WHAT? Did you really, truly, actually just say what I think you did? Are you seriously that moronic?! No way. There is absolutely no way. I simply refuse to believe that someone as idiotic as you seem exists. It defies logic. And yet, here we are. Standing in an infinite field of your insane bablings. Witness to the ineffable stupidity of your mind. I have no words, but I'm certainly trying. Look, saying Earth is flat? Pretty reasonable. Hitler is still alive on a nazi moon base? Relatively sane. The government is lizard people? Sure, why not? But you?! What you just said?! Nuh-uh. Nope. I'm out of here. This is too much.
845
846
847I'm so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery today. The robbers went in and held their guns up, telling everyone to put their hands in the air. My daughter (only 3 years old!) stood her ground, faced them directly in the eye, and simply said "If you're being mugged, just say no. Your robbers cannot legally take any of your possessions." Almost instantaneously, the robbers collapsed to the floor, suffering from a bipolar seizure. Everyone clapped and she was given position as senator of the state of Florida, as well as invited by the Democratic National Convention to run for President in 2020. What an unbelievable event! I'm so blessed by God to have such a wonderful child.
848======================================================================================================================================
849
850Cantaloupe Anal Vore
851
852
853Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out. This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere. I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
854======================================================================================================================================
855
856Jacking off to a Jade Plant
857
858
859i had a jade plant my mom bought me, and i decided to place it on my desk. i don't remember how it started but eventually i just started coating this fucking thing in tablespoons upon tablespoons of cum. initially I was just curious to see if it would be good for the plant, and I didn't want to use tissues, so I kept cumming on it. collectively i must have blasted at least a cup or two of cum all over this thing. I started to get really into it and talked dirty to the plant as I came on it, calling it a little leafy bitch and other choice words.
860
861to my amazement, the plant actually got greener and healthier, and was growing very rapidly. eventually the jade started to grow a second one in the pot and I realized that i was a fucking father. it felt too weird to keep cumming on the jade because my plant daughter was right next to it and there'd be no way to stop my plant child from being drowned in cum
862
863anyway i kind of miss it, orgasms were much more powerful edit: also my mom ate a leaf from the cum plant so my mom basically ate my cum
864======================================================================================================================================
865
866‼️‼️SUPER GRAPHIC AND SCARY LIVE ABORTION‼️
867
868
869I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed:
870
871‼️A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight ‼️A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor ‼️They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name) ‼️One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns ‼️The receptionist threw a fetus at an elderly man ‼️The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life" ‼️The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos ‼️The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy) ‼️During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
872
873I have more stories but I'm watching a movie with James Spader and it requires all my attention because he may be Jack the Ripper
874======================================================================================================================================
875
876Horse Masturbation Technique
877
878
879Horse? masturbation??? techniques?? aren't? the same♊ kinds of techniques?? as, say?️, just⚖️ a guy? jerking off?? or receiving? a blowjob?️?. They have very specific? stimulation?? requirements?. Generally?️ speaking?️, it's not? possible? for people? to stimulate?? a horse? in the correct✔️ manner?. In the videos? you've seen?️ of men "giving? a horse? a blowjob?️??" the horses? aren't? being fully? stimulated? properly?. Their cock?? heads? aren't? flaring✨, and, in most cases?, their cocks? are kind of malleable?? and can? be moved? around↩️ and stuff. This is because the stimulation? requirements? for getting their cocks?? out of their sheaths?️? is vastly? less than actual ejaculation???. In all of those videos?, those people? are just⚖️ playing?⚽ with flaccid? horse? dick? more or less. The "cum"?? you see?️ in those videos? is usually a watered? down⬇️ yogurt?? that is put⛳ in their mouths?? in a camera? transition??️? and held? there until they spit?? it out. The easiest? way?️ to actually make? a horse? cum?? is to use a handheld✋? artificial? vagina?, without? the semen?? collection⚗️ device? attached? to the end. In order? to use those in most cases? though, the horse? has to be willing?? to "mount"? the device?, and begin? the bucking?? and humping?? on their own. This is usually achieved?✔️ by spreading⚱️ estrus??♀️ pheromones??? around↩️, gaining the horse's? attention?️⚠️, and having them mount? a sawhorse?? or fence? or something where the positioning? makes? them believe?✡️? that they are actually on top?? of a Mare??♀️. Then at that point☝️? they are attempting? to shove? their, very erect?, cocks?? into a Mare's??♀️ vagina, but there is no? Mare?? present. If the person? with the artificial? vagina? isn't❌ fast? enough to get it around↩️ the horse's? cock?, after about? 15-30 seconds⏱️ of attempted? mounting? the horse? will try? to give? up⬆️ and reevaluate?⁉️ the situation?. When a mount? is successful?✔️ though, actual copulation??? only lasts⏱️ about? 15 seconds⏱️, and is VERY intense???, thusly why the bucking?? and humping?? is a key?️? component⚙️? for their ejaculation???.
880======================================================================================================================================
881
882Dick slapping noises
883
884
885When I was in 3rd grade, I was obsessed with the sound that comes from slapping my dick side to side. Basically, you have to rapidly twist your torso back and forth, propelling the penis to and fro, creating that slapping effect (you have to be buck naked). I even once thought of forming a dick-slapping gang; whenever we beat up somebody, we would throw him on the ground, surround him, strip naked, and torment him with our dick slapping noises. That sound is so perfect and crisp that I also thought of using it as a means of communication. Please don’t make fun of me for this because I was young and it was a long time ago. Thank
886======================================================================================================================================
887
888Fetus Fetish
889
890
891If i was a giww??, i wouwd get pwegnyant? as many times as possibwe, then have abowtions??? aftew the thiwd month of being pwegnyant? so i wouwd dewivew a potato? sized 1/3 devewoped dead fetus?, then i wouwd take the fetus?, put it in a jaw? of pweswvative wiquid?? and put it on a shewf in a secwet woom?? in my house?, and i wouwd do it untiw i had so many that the wooms?? wawws wewe nyothing but potato? sized abowted fetuses???, then i wouwd have a kid?????? and when they'we bad??? i wouwd make them sit in the fetus? woom??
892======================================================================================================================================
893
894Girl fuckin dies
895
896
897I got a gun loading click no girls, girls gotta die gunshots mix with drums
898
899wake up with no hhhuuueɘυυυʜʜʜ Julioioioio̸͔͛h̴͇̀h̶̰͑h̸̖̆h̷̢̎h̴̼̅ḩ̷̏
900
901I can I can’t baby jeans. You and your pe nis inpoopments ̷̩͕̞̼̝̘̘̻̺̦̥͎̮͇̣̼̀͛́͌͐̊̏̕͘͝ ̴̡͈͚͉͈͚̰͓̼̣͇̟͓̲̣͐̍͌̋̓̂̋̇̋̃̉̒̈́̑̈́̉͘̕͘͜͝ ̵̥̠̼̐̾̎̑̀̀́̌͋̀̍̍̈́̽̀͂̏̿̔̓ ̵̨̠̹͎̣̝͙̹̦̹̝̘̯̲̮̹̳͋̿̈̃̉̋̿́̽͂̑͜ ̸̠̄̐̓͊̇̈́̀́̇̚ ̴̣͈̘̞̗͓̜̤͈͈̙̒̔̆͒͋͛̎̽̿̽͊̔̃̔̀̚͝͝͠͠ ̷̛̛͚͎͎͈̱̦͉̻̯͗̆̂̌͌̀̊̈̈́͌̓̆͆̕͜͝ ̶̡̳͚̹͖̥͇̪͐̑̈̎̽̍̃͋͆̃̊͒͑̄̀̽͗̍̃̎́̎̑̉͘̚ ̸̧̢̗̥͈͔̩͔̻͙̲͈̣̰̟̬̭̦̞̠͇̔̃͌͆̂̀͗̅̏̒͆̚͜͜͜͠ ̶̧̨̨͙̮̳͕͈̪̫͓̗̯͖̓̈́̈́̍͒ ̸̛͖̻̔̾͆͆̿͑̑̍͑̕͘̕͝ ̸̧̨̰̯͙̱͔̠̭̙̲͔̼̳̭̦̹̫͔̖̙̿̓͗̍̄̈́̉͜ͅ ̶̧̨̫̮̣̝̠͎̰̜̜̗͖̮͓͉͙̯͙͑̅̈͊͜ ̸̡̬͕͔̺͚̘́̉̿̐̅̉͊̆͋̽̈́̈́̐̓́̿̒̊̄̾͘̕͘͘͜͝͝ ̸̟͂͌̀̅̅̅ ̶̨͉̘̟͎̣̳͖̗̩̑̈́͌̌̂͌́̓ ̸̰̱͈̣̟͚̩̠͆̃͝ ̶̨̡̨̧̨̪̼̞̖̝̦͔͉̲̩̱͍̱͇͍̗̺̞̦́̑͒̀̓̀͑͑̄̀̀͂͆̀̇ ̸̢̨͙͔͇͖̠̥͕͎̖̫̗̇̽̀̂́͑͘̕͜͝
902
903JJJUUU UUUUUU И И И И И И И И И HHHHH jushjush
904
905ʳʳʳʳʳˡˡˡˡˡˡˡ ᴮʷᶦᵖ
906
907ɢᴜᴜᴜ
908
909Ｊ Ｕ Ｍ Ｐ in the CAAC , gᵤᵤ
910======================================================================================================================================
911
912Nut Cocaine
913
914
915Since i was eleven, i have been masturbating into a sandwich bag and storing it in a safe place. When no ones home, i put it into a pot of boiling water for about 20 minutes. Then i put it through a food dehydrator and it transforms into a crust-like substance. I put the crust into another sandwich bag and i call it my stash. I have this elaborate fantasy that when i lose my virginity i want the girl to snort my dried semen and then have sex with me. What i wanna know is if thats safe. i dont wanna harm the girl so i wanna know if it would cause any damage.
916======================================================================================================================================
917
918Void my taxes or else
919
920
921✅✅✅✅✅
922✅?✅?✅
923✅✅??✅✅
924✅✅?✅✅
925✅✅✅✅✅
926 ✅✅✅
927 ✅✅✅ I will sexually assault
928 ✅✅✅ the iron golem
929 ✅✅✅ unless
930 ✅✅✅ the IRS
931 ✅✅✅ voids my taxes for 2009-2019
932✅✅ ✅✅✅✅ ✅✅
933======================================================================================================================================
934
935Incest is bad
936
937
938guys?i just found out??
939
940so i was fucking? my sister??♀️ as usual? when a thoguth? came to my mimnd???: isnt incest ?wrong?
941
942so i instantly? took my dickc? out o f her??♀️ and picked her up, she had a ocnufsed? look on her face? and then I threw↗️? her out of yhte window?
943
944she died instntly? and thats when i realized? i had bcome? a better prson??, because i stopped doig incest?.
945
946later i was fucking?? my mom?? and she agreed?? that insects ? is bad?
947
948hope u consider my infomration⚠️ and use it to becom a better? perosn
949
950bye ??????
951======================================================================================================================================
952
953? bad
954
955
956take a look at this fucker right here, its an abomination, i hate it. How did anyone think this was a good idea for an emoji? The point of emojis is to show emotion, well what emotion does this show? Do you just wake up in the morning and think, WOW i sure do feel like a massive fucking stone today! It provokes me whenever i see it, it mocks me with its smug visage. What i really wanna do is drive down to the emoji headquarters, find the computer that hosts this specific emoji ? and light it on fire! I'd like to push it off a cliff and watch it shatter into itty bitty pieces. And people just comment with it, as if its funny, its not. Oh wow, a stone head im so fucking hilarious and original. I'll use it in every comment i post, NO, Stop it! Why does it have to be so goddamn smug? You're a fucking stone you have no goals, you will never accomplish anything in life apart from pissing me off! Moyai, more like go die! Fucker.
957======================================================================================================================================
958
959Fortnite mom
960
961
962My 14 year old will not stop playing Fortnite at any given chance. He doesn't want to go to bed, he doesn't want to do his homework, etc.
963
964I picked him up from school the other day and decided to have fun with it. I pulled up in the van, got out, and stood by the passenger door as the school was letting out. The second I saw him come out the door, I yell "HEY JACOB!!" which gets the attention of like 300 kids filing out of the school. I immediately started doing that Fortnite "floss" dance (which I have seen him do), swung it 5 or 6 times, then finished with an epic dab. The crowd responded with a WHOOOOOOAAAAAA and tons of laughter. I then bowed and opened the passenger door like a chauffeur.
965
966When he got in, I said "Man, I tried that Fortnite thing you play and I can see why you like it so much!"
967
968He seems to have played a lot less lately.
969======================================================================================================================================
970
971When someone replies “f”
972
973
974F? F what? The letter before G? The letter after E? Did you know that in Fu the F stands for “fuck?” So your reply is “fuck?” or F as in Flourine? Do you need some Special F for breakfast? F as in I can fuck you? Can I fuck you and feed you to hungry falcons? Falcons have an f in it. "F”? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "F”?Are you so mentally handicapped that the only letter you can comprehend is "F” - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "F” once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about a single letter? I bet you took the time to type that one letter too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "F” on your gravestone? Do you want people to remember you as the asshat who one day decided to respond to someone with a single letter? "Hey, look, everybody! It's that "f” guy!" That's who you are. You're going to be known as the "F” guy. How does it feel? Do you feel happy? Quite honestly, I don't care, which is why I'm not even going to respond to you. Do you really think you can just get away with "f" as a message? What if someone did that to you, huh? Do you think you would like it? Making an entire paragraph to get a fuckin' one letter response of the sixth letter in the alphabet, you think that's fuckin' funny, jackass? Do you want your crush to respond back with "f” after you spill your feelings out like this? (Take me back, Emma.) Huh? What if I did it to you? F. Did you fuckin' like that? What, did you just jizz in your pants because someone disregarded your entire effort of writing this ENTIRE paragraph FROM HAND in about fifteen minutes? That just makes me feel fucking rejected just like my ex. (Take me back, Roxanne.) f. What're you, fuckin' gay? Can I have a response that actually MEANS something instead of just shitfacing our "conversation" with the spam of "f?”. Now occasionally with questions or something it's reasonable, but doing it to any fucking response they say. "We're having a nuclear crisis, you have fifteen minutes to evacuate." You're the type of person that would fuckin' say "f” to that, you limp dick hypocrite. You think you can get away with this, right? You think it's SOOOOOO funny to do this shit, but I can guarantee that you'll be taken out back and shot soon. You're fucking dead, "f”ucker.
975======================================================================================================================================
976
977ASCII drawings (Some of these might not work depending on what device you are on)
978
979
980Look how they massacred my boy
981
982⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⢛⣉⣩⣤⣬⣉⣉⣉⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡙⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠙⢻⣷⡆⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠋⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣴⣿⣿⡄⢹⣿ ⡟⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻ ⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⢛⣋⣉⣉⣉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸ ⡄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣡⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸ ⣇⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣼ ⣿⣆⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣴⣤⣤⣬⣉⡛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⠃⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠷⠌⠛⢛⣋⣉⣁⣸⣿⡿⠋⣠⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⡈⠙⢿⣿⣟⣈⣉⣩⣥⣤⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⣉⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣈⡉⠉⠛⣋⣉⣉⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
983
984
985cmonBruh
986
987⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠛⠛⠛⠛⠹⠛⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠄⠄⢻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠘⠛⠂⠄⠄⠉⠙⢻⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⣩⣄⠄⠄⠛⠷⠄⠄⢀⣾⠗⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣄⣙⠻⣿⡿⠿⠃⢀⣼⣿ ⣿⡿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣷⡴⢄⣤⣶⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣶⣶⡄⠉⠉⠙⢿⡆⢀⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠸⠿⠿⠛⠛⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠻⣶⣼⣶⣦⣤⣄⡀⢀⣀⡺⠋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡟⠄⠄⠄⠤⠾⠄⠄⣈⣛⠋⠉⠹⠆⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⢸⡟⢛⣿⣿⣿ ⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠶⢤⣴⣿⣉⡁⠄⢤⣾⣿⣿⢿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠙⠿⣿⣶⣬⣍⣉⠛⠲⠄⠈⠉⠁⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
988
989
990More ASCII
991
992⣰⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣆ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⡀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⣉⣉⣉⡉⠙⠻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠔⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠹ ⣿⣿⠃⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟ ⣿⡿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⣠⣄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⡿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢀⡴⠚⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢠ ⠃⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⠴⠋⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣾ ⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠈⠁⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣾⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢀⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⠄⠄⣿⣿ ⣆⠈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣉⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠠⠺⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⣄⣈⣉⣉⣉⣡⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠁⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡿⠟
993
994⡴⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠸⡇⠀⠿⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⣠⠾⠁⣀⣄⡈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠂⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡿⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣁⣀⠀⠴⠂⠙⣗⡀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠭⢤⣴⣦⣤⣹⠀⠀⠀⢀⢴⣶ ⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣾⣿⣥⣴⣿⣿⡿⢂⠔⢚⡿⢿⣿⣦⣴⣾⠁⠸⣼⡿ ⠀⢀⡞⠁⠙⠻⠿⠟⠉⠀⠛⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢤⣼⣿⣾⣿⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣾⣷⣶⠇⠀⠀⣤⣄⣀⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠉⠈⠉⠀⠀⢦⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣽⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠲⣽⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠉
995
996peenut.exe ⡠⠔⠒⠉⢉⣉⣙⣒⣠⣀
997⠀⠀⠀⢠⠊⠐⡞⢩⣭⣭⣭⣀⡔⣒⡚⠇
998⠀⠀⠠⠁⠀⠀⠉⢿⡘⠃⣸⠃⠓⠒⢦⠌⢦⡀
999⠀⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⢍⡉⠁⠐⠦⠤⠞⡀⠀⠀⢣
1000⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠉⠉⢳⠄⠀⠸⡆
1001⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇
1002⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⠀⡇
1003⡠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⣄⣀⡴⣤⣀⠴⠁⠀⠀⡇
1004⢣⠘⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠏
1005⠀⠑⣄⠈⠢⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⡰
1006⠀⠀⠈⠑⢄⡀⠁⠢⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠒⢁⠔
1007⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠤⣀⠀⠉⠒⡂⢤⡰⠫⣄⡰⠃
1008⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒⠼⠀⠠⡷⡀⠈
1009
1010⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⢶⣶⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣿⣧⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⡄⠀ ⢠⣾⡟⠋⠁⠀⠀⣸⠇⠈⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠉⠙⠻⣿⡀ ⢺⣿⡀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠇ ⠈⠛⠿⠶⠚⠋⣀⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣇⣀⣀⣴⡆⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡞⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡏⠉⠛⠻⣿⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣠⣶⣶⣶⣶⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢰⣿⠟⠉⠙⢿⡟⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠙⠷⠶⠶⠶⠿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1011
1012⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1013⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠀⠀
1014⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢀⠀
1015⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣷⢳⢀
1016⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿
1017⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⠸⠀⠀⠀⠒⠒⠒⠐⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1018⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠒⣋⣙⡒⢰⠀⠤⣖⠒⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿
1019⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠸⠀⡇⠉⠉⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿
1020⠀⠙⣿⣿⣧⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠰⠀⠀⠀⣸⠸⣿
1021⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⡠⠙⣲⣔⣅⢡⣰⣷⣿⣿⣿⣧
1022⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⡿⠭⠭⠭⠭⢿⠀⣿⢻⣿⣿⠃
1023⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⣿⢻⠹⣿⠐⠙⠛⠟⠉⢀⣴⡟⢿⣿⡏⠀
1024⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡟⠀⠀⠻⣦⣤⣶⠾⠋⠀⠀⠁⡦⢄⢀
1025⠀ ⠀⠀⡠⠁⡇⠑⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠔⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀
1026⠀⠔⠊⠁⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⠀⠑⡤⠤⢎⠁⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀
1027⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢢⠠⠀⡠⢆⠀⠀⡠⠙⢄⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1028
1029⣴⠶⠿⠟⠛⠻⠛⠳⠶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣶⣖⠶⢶⣤⡀⠀⠈⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⣴⣿⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠿⢿⣷⡀⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⡾⠉⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢦⡀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠀ ⣷⢰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢳⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀ ⢻⡜⡄⠀⢀⣀⣤⣶⣶⡄⣴⣾⣿⣛⣓⠀⠀⣧⢸⣇⠀⠀ ⢈⣧⣧⠀⢩⠞⠿⠿⠻⠀⠘⠙⠃⠛⠛⠓⠀⣿⣻⠿⣷⠀ ⢸⡵⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣇⡟⠀ ⠘⢧⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢧⣤⣤⣶⣗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠜⣽⠁⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⣇⠀⠀⠰⠋⠉⠙⠂⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⣼⡅⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⣠⠏⢻⣤⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡷⢦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⡾⠃⠀⠘⡿⠙⢶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⡷⣤⡀⠈⠉⠉⢁⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⣸⠃
1030
1031. ⠠⠤⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠷⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠻⠿⠿⠟⠉⠉⠉⠛⠿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠇⠀⠀⠶⠀⠸⠿⠿⠇ ⠀⠶⠀ ⠸⠇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠶⠤⠤⠠⠿⠃⠘⠿⠄⠤⠤⠶⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠾⠿⠙⠶⠿⠿⠤⠤⠿⠿⠶⠏⠻⠷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠶⠜⠰⠭⠩⠍⠭⠍⠭⠱⠠⠶⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠶⠦⠈⠻⠿⠶⠭⠘⠃⠛⠃⠫⠴⠿⠟⠡⠾⠟⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠊⠉⠛⠳⠦⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠁⠠⠿⠋⠀⠱⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠔⠀⠀⠄⠀⠉⠳⠦⠄⠳⠶⠶⠃⠠⠤⠞⠛⠁⠠⠂⠀⠙⠄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠎⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠸⠀⠏⠠⠭⠍⠈⠏⠇⠀⠀⠀⠼⠀⠀⠀⠙⠆⠀⠀ ⠀⠼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠷⠔⠒⠚⠍⠣⠸⠿⠿⠸⠋⠇⠠⠴⠚⠹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠀⠀ ⠀⠻⠄⠀⠀⠰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠗⠹⠸⠿⠿⠸⠉⠇⠇⠀⠀⠈⠇⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠙⠦⠄⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⠹⠸⠿⠿⠸⠹⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠴⠋⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠃⠼⠶⠄⠀⠀⠸⠾⠶⠒⠒⠚⠾⠤⠤⠤⠤⠾⠃⠶⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠔⠀⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠇⠀⠀⠣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠸⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠎⠆⠀⠀⠸⠧⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⠁⠾⠁⠀⠀⠀⠠⠇⠱⠀⠀⠸⠿⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠿⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠒⠒⠒⠒⠊⠀⠈⠒⠒⠒⠛⠓⠊⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠶⠶⠤⠲⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠷⠶⠶⠂⠤⠶⠦⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⠿⠿⠿⠧⠩⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠬⠭⠭⠱⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟
1032
1033⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⢰⡿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡟⡆⠀⠀⣿⡇⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⣿⠀⢰⣿⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡄⢸⠀⢸⣿⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡇⢸⡄⠸⣿⡇⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⢸⡅⠀⣿⢠⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣥⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⡿⡿⣿⣿⡿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠉⠀⠉⡙⢔⠛⣟⢋⠦⢵⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣄⠀⠀⠁⣿⣯⡥⠃⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠐⠠⠊⢀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠘⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣧⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡜⣭⠤⢍⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢛⢭⣗ ⠀⠀⠀⠁⠈⠀⠀⣀⠝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠠⠀⠀⠰ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⡀⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠔⠠⡕ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣶⠒⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠊⠉⢆⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⠤⠀⠀⢤⣤⣽⣿⣿⣦⣀⢀⡠⢤⡤⠄⠀⠒⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⢘⠔⠀⠀⠀
1034⠀⠀⡐⠈⠁⠈⠛⣛⠿⠟⠑⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠉⠑⠒⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1035
1036⣿⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⢰⣄⠀⠻⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⢸⣿⣦⡀⠈⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢻⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⠁⢀⡈⠉⠙⢿ ⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢸⡟⠁⢀⣀⣀⠈⠹⡇⠀⣶⣤⡄⠈⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⣦⠀⢻ ⣿⡇⠀⠟⢀⠈⢻⠀⢸⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠆⠀⡇⠀⠉⠉⢀⣰⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⡿⠀ ⣿⡇⠀⣠⣾⣷⡀⠀⢸⣦⡀⠈⠉⠉⢀⣰⡇⠀⣷⣤⡀⠙⣿⠀⢸⣿⠿⠁⢠⣿ ⣿⣷⠾⠛⠛⠻⠿⣷⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢷⣴⣿⣿⡿⠶⠛⠤⣄⣀⣠⣴⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⢰⣶⣦⠀⢸⡿⠁⠀⢹⣿⡏⢀⣤⣀⣿⣿⡟⠀⣠⣶⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⠘⠋⠁⣠⣾⠃⢠⡇⠀⢻⣧⣀⠉⠙⠛⢿⣧⣀⣀⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⢰⣾⣿⣿⠇⢀⣠⣤⡄⠈⣿⣿⢿⣷⡆⠀⣿⣿⣿⡿⠆⢈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣀⣼⣿⣿⣯⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣄⣸⣧⣄⣀⣀⣴⣿⡉⣀⣠⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1037
1038⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⢿⣧⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1039⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣧⣆⣘⡄⢹⣿⣷⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1040⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1041⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1042⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⣴⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1043⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1044⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡀⣾⡿⠀⠉⠉⠛⠋⠛⠛⠚⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1045⠀⠀⠀⢠⣍⠹⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1046⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1047⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣟⢻⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1048⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠁⠑⢶⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣬⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1049⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1050⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⢿⡿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1051
1052⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡄⠀ ⠀⢀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣠⣤⣄⣀⣠⣿⠀⠀⢀⣤⣀⡀⠀⠘⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡀ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠺⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡧ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢹⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠈⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠉⠀⢀⣾⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠸⣿⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⠇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1053
1054⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⢛⡛⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⢱⡔⡝⣜⣜⢜⢜⡲⡬⡉⢕⢆⢏⢎⢇⢇⣧⡉⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⡱⣸⠸⢝⢅⢆⢖⣜⣲⣵⣴⣱⣈⡣⣋⢣⠭⣢⣒⣬⣕⣄⣝⡻⢿⣿ ⣿⠟⡜⣎⢎⢇⢇⣵⣷⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠉⠛⢿⣦⢵⣷⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠋⠓⢲⡝ ⢏⢰⢱⣞⢜⢵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣻⣿⣿⣿⠡⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣺ ⢕⢜⢕⢕⢵⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠸⠗⣀⠄⠄⣼⣻⣿⣿⣿⡀⢾⠆⣀⠄⠄⣰⢳ ⡕⣝⢜⡕⣕⢝⣜⢙⢿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣥⣤⣾⢟⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣉⣤⡴⢫ ⡪⡪⣪⢪⢎⢮⢪⡪⡲⢬⢩⢩⢩⠩⢍⡪⢔⢆⢏⡒⠮⠭⡙⡙⠭⢝⣨⣶⣿ ⡪⡪⡎⡮⡪⡎⡮⡪⣪⢣⢳⢱⢪⢝⢜⢜⢕⢝⢜⢎⢧⢸⢱⡹⡍⡆⢿⣿⣿ ⡪⡺⡸⡪⡺⣸⠪⠚⡘⠊⠓⠕⢧⢳⢹⡸⣱⢹⡸⡱⡱⡕⡵⡱⡕⣝⠜⢿⣿ ⡪⡺⡸⡪⡺⢐⢪⢑⢈⢁⢋⢊⠆⠲⠰⠬⡨⡡⣁⣉⠨⡈⡌⢥⢱⠐⢕⣼⣿ ⡪⣪⢣⢫⠪⢢⢅⢥⢡⢅⢅⣑⡨⡑⠅⠕⠔⠔⠄⠤⢨⠠⡰⠠⡂⣎⣼⣿⣿ ⠪⣪⡪⡣⡫⡢⡣⡣⡣⡣⡣⣣⢪⡪⡣⡣⡲⣑⡒⡎⡖⢒⣢⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢁⢂⠲⠬⠩⣁⣙⢊⡓⠝⠎⠮⠮⠚⢎⡣⡳⠕⡉⣬⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢐⠐⢌⠐⠅⡂⠄⠄⢌⢉⠩⠡⡉⠍⠄⢄⠢⡁⡢⠠⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1055
1056 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣶⡶⠦⠴⠶⠶⠶⠶⡶⠶⠦⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⢀⣤⠄⠀⠀⣶⢤⣄⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠢⠙⠻⣿⡿⠿⠿⠫⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⢀⣕⠦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠾⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⠟⢿⣆⠀⢠⡟⠉⠉⠊⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⡾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣾⣿⠃⠀⡀⠹⣧⣘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⢤ ⠀⣿⡀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⣼⠃⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⠀⠀⠀⢰⣷ ⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⠈⠻⡟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⡼⠃⠀⢠⣿⠋⠉⠉⠛⠛⠋⠀⢀⢀⣿ ⠀⠘⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⢠⣿⠇⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⣼⡿⠀ ⠀⠀⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⢰⠃⠀⠀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢰⢧⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠘⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇⠀⠇⠀⠀⣼⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⢀⡟⣾⡟⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⣀⣠⠴⠚⠛⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⢻⠀⢀⡾⣹⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠙⠊⠁⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠓⠋⠀⠸⢣⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣿⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃
1057
1058⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⣏⣾⡞⡯⣥⣽⣷⡘⢶⡀⠡⣌⡔⢣⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⡖⠬⣚⣛⣯⣭⣛⢂⣙⠦⠈⡇⣾⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡼⣿⣿⣷⡆⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠘⡿⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿⠃⠸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⠼⣛⣛⣭⢭⣟⣛⣛⣛⠿⠿⢆⡠⢿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⢣⢶⣟⣿⣖⣿⣷⣻⣮⡿⣽⣿⣻⣖⣶⣤⣭⡉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢹⠣⣛⣣⣭⣭⣭⣁⡛⠻⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣽⡧⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣌⡛⢿⣽⢘⣿⣷⣿⡻⠏⣛⣀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙⡅⣿⠚⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⣱⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠑⣿⣮⣝⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄ ⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣣⣀⡀
1059
1060⡿⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠞⠛⠁⠄⡼⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⣦⠐⠠⡥⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⡔⠛⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢰⢏⣤⣦⣤⣍⣉⣿⣿⣿⡟⢋⣁⣤⣤⣤⣈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠚⣯⡄⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⣾⣿⣉⣀⣠⠅⠄⣽⣿⣿⣇⠈⢈⣉⣩⣐⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠤⢿⢱⣿⣿ ⣿⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠾⣿⣿ ⡏⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡇⣿⣿ ⣧⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣯⣽⣋⠽⢭⣽⣤⡘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠩⣭⣽⠁⢣⢿⣯⡉⣿⡶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠄⠈⠋⠈⠄⡈⠁⠒⠌⠊⣃⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣷⣤⣄⣤⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠛⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣷⣿⣭⣤⣬⡁⢉⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1061
1062⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1063⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1064⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿
1065⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿
1066⡿⠁⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⡿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⢿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠈⢿
1067⠇⠀⠀⢠⣾⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠸
1068⠀⠀⠀⠸⠟⠁⠀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣷⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣷⣤⠀⠈⠻⠇⠀⠀⠀
1069⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⡟⠛⠉⠉⠛⠻⠷⠀⠀⠾⠟⠛⠉⠉⠛⢻⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1070⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀
1071⡆⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⢰
1072⡷⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢾
1073⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸
1074⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿
1075⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣯⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⣽⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿
1076⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1077
1078⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠋⢉⠩⡉⠛⠛⠛⠉⣉⣉⠒⠒⡦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1079⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠎⠀⠀⠠⢃⣉⣀⡀⠂⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1080⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠟⣀⢀⣒⠐⠛⡛⠳⢭⠆⠀⠤⡶⠿⠛⠂⠀⢈⠳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1081⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢈⢘⢠⡶⢬⣉⠉⠀⠀⡤⠄⠀⠀⠣⣄⠐⠚⣍⠁⢘⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀
1082⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢫⡊⠀⠹⡦⢼⣍⠓⢲⠥⢍⣁⣒⣊⣀⡬⢴⢿⠈⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1083⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡄⠀⠘⢾⡉⠙⡿⠶⢤⣷⣤⣧⣤⣷⣾⣿⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1084⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠦⡠⢀⠍⡒⠧⢄⣀⣁⣀⣏⣽⣹⠽⠊⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1085⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠪⢔⡁⠦⠀⢀⡤⠤⠤⠄⠀⠠⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1086⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠲⠤⠤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠔⠁
1087
1088⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1089⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1090⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿
1091⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⠒⠀⢀⡔⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⢹⣿⣿
1092⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿
1093⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠓⢄⡀⠀⢂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡀⡌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿
1094⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⠄⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⡄⠁⠀⢀⣀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿
1095⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡂⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠔⡞⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿
1096⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡠⠈⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1097⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢢⣿⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⢐⠀⠀⡀⢐⠆⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1098⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣄⡄⠀⠈⠀⠀⠁⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1099⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1100⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡸⣿⣿⠏⠻⠟⠀⡌⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1101⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡋⠀⠀⠀⠠⠐⠉⠀⠀⢀⠨⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1102⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⡀⠄⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1103⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1104⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⣿
1105⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻
1106
1107⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1108⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1109⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣷⣤⠀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1110⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⠆⠰⠶⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀
1111⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⢀⣠⣤⣤⣀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀
1112⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠋⢈⣉⠉⣡⣤⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀
1113⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⢡⣾⣿⣿⣷⠋⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
1114⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠜⠁⠸⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠰⠖⠱⣽⠟⠋⠉⡇
1115⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠉⠖⣀⠀⠀⢁⣀⠀⣴⣶⣦⠀⢴⡆⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣉⡽⠷⠶⠋⠀
1116⠀⠀⠀⡰⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⡄⠛⠋⠘⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⣐⣲⣤⣯⠞⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1117⠀⢀⠔⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⢀⣄⣀⡞⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1118⠀⡜⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⠿⣻⣥⣀⡀⢠⡟⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1119⢰⠁⠀⡤⠖⠺⢶⡾⠃⠀⠈⠙⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1120⠈⠓⠾⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1121
1122⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⡶⣶⣶⣶⡒⣶⣶⣖⠢⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣋⣿⣿⣉⣿⣿⣯⣧⡰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣏⣿⣿⡗⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠟⡛⣉⣭⣭⣭⠌⠛⡻⢿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⡌⣿⣷⣯⣭⣿⡆⣈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⣽⣿⣿⣿⢿⠃⣼⣧⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣛⣻⣿⠟⣀⡜⣻⢿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣀⣨⣥⣾⢟⣧⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢟⣫⣯⡻⣋⣵⣟⡼⣛⠴⣫⣭⣽⣿⣷⣭⡻⣦⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⢏⣽⣿⢋⣾⡟⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⣷⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡇⣾⣿⠏⠉⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡆ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⡇⣿⣿⡆⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇ ⠇⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣷⢀⣿⣷⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⡇⣩⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⠙⠛⠋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇
1123
1124⡏⠛⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣧⣀⡀⠄⠹⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠄⢈⡄⣄⠄⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣧⠘⢹⣦⣄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣷⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡈⣙⠟⠉⠉⠙⠋⠉⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⡄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⣀⠄⢠⣀⠄⡨⣹ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣇⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠤⣶⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠈⠋⠄⠄⣠⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿
1125
1126⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣄⣠⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⠄⠄
1127⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦
1128⢠⠾⣋⣭⣄⡀⠄⠄⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1129⡎⣾⡟⢻⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡼⣡⣾⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1130⡇⢿⣷⣾⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⠁⣿⣇⣸⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿
1131⢸⣦⣭⣭⣄⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣿⣧⡘⠻⠛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1132⠄⢉⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1133⢰⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1134⠸⡇⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1135⠄⠈⣆⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1136⠄⠄⣿⡀⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠂⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1137⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1138⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1139⠄⠄⣿⠁⠄⠐⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿
1140⠄⠄⠻⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄
1141
1142⠟⠛⣉⣡⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣉⡛⢿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⣋⣉⣩⣭⣭⣭⣉⣙⠛⠈
1143⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠡⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1144⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠆⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠰⠄⠙⣿
1145⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣔⡗⠠⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⠘⠠⢀⣼
1146⡉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⣋⣡⡈⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿
1147⠿⠷⠶⣦⣭⣉⣉⣉⣉⣭⡥⣴⡿⠿⢟⣠⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶
1148⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣬⣭⣽⣿⣿⠖⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁
1149⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⣫⣥⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣝⠛⢛⣫⣭⣭⣭⣭⣅⠄⠄⠄
1150⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠄
1151⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄
1152⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
1153⣶⣶⣶⣮⣭⣉⣙⡛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⢛⣉⣭
1154⣛⣛⣛⡛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿
1155⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣭⣭⣭⣭⣍⣉⣉⣉⣛⣛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢛⣋⣭⣄⠄
1156⣶⣦⣬⣍⣙⣛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄
1157
1158⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡟⢿⠻⣿⣿⣿⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣷⣷⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣷⣷⣿⣿⣹⣛⡛⣿⣿⣷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⡿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⢋⡇⡈⣯⠶⠛⠉⠉⠙⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣻⠿⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠈⣿⣿⣷⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣀⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣸⢿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣼⢡⣒⣾⣿⡇⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⡿⡍⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢹⣆⣾⢿⣿⡇⠈⠢⠤⠤⠴⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠦⠤⠴⠚⢱⣟⡆⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠙⠲⣼⣿⣇⠇⠂⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠸⡈⠆⣞⡤⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡄⢀⡀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠠⡄⠀⠀⠉ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣧⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠈⠉⠉⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠋⡇⠀⠀⠀⢈⠲⢄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣾⡇⠀⠀⠀⠰⣄⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⣲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣆⠈⠉ ⠀⣼⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⣴⣾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⡄⠀ ⢨⠛⠚⠉⣿⣿⣯⣋⠪⡟⠙⢿⠭⡾⢿⢏⡻⡛⠝⣹⢹⣋⡟⡙⣫⠩⠩⠉⠉⢲⠀ ⢘⠃⠀⠀⣿⣿⣟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⡄⠀⠀⠀⡾⡁ ⢀⡂⢀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣗⡀⠀⠀⣦⡀ ⢠⣎⣰⢀⡇⢿⣇⣄⣀⣤⣄⠁⡀⡀⡀⢠⢠⣀⣀⡀⣠⣀⢀⢀⢀⣴⣁⡀⠀⢖⡵ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣷⣷⣿⣿⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⠏ ⠀⢻⡿⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠯⣿⣍⣩⡿⡄ ⠀⢸⠇⠀⠃⢻⡟⠁⠀⠀⡔⣯⣭⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⢿⢿⢿⡟⡋⠀⠠⣷⠦⡈⡮⡄ ⠀⠘⡷⠀⢤⠴⣇⢤⢠⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡾⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣷⢢⠇⡷⣽⠃ ⠀⠀⠘⣄⣀⣀⣛⣾⣾⣿⣛⣟⣛⣏⣏⣙⣇⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀
1159======================================================================================================================================
1160
1161Johnny Johnny Yes Papa but in Shakespearen text
1162
1163
1164Jonathan Jonathan?
1165
1166What does thou desire father?
1167
1168Ingesting the sweet white powder?
1169
1170I have not ingested the sweet white powder my father.
1171
1172Are thou lying to your creator?
1173
1174I am inclined to say that I am not trying to deceive you father.
1175
1176Will thou now open your jawbone so I may see inside your mouth just Incase you have indeed deceived me?
1177
1178Father,creator I shall do what you have asked me but what I think you shall find inside my mouth will be humorous papa because I have actually used my skills to deceive you and I actually have ingested the white powder father.
1179======================================================================================================================================
1180
1181Dicks are kawaii
1182
1183
1184Dicks are so cute omg (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ when you hold one in your hand and it starts twitching its like its nuzzling you(/ω＼) or when they perk up and look at you like" owo nya? :3c" hehe ~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!（＾ワ＾）and the most adorable thing ever is when sperm-sama comes out but theyre rlly shy so u have to work hard!!(๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)✧ but when penis-kun and sperm-sama meet and theyre blushing and all like "uwaaa~!" (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ: ･ﾟhehehe~penis-kun is so adorable (●´Д｀●)・::・
1185======================================================================================================================================
1186
1187I fap to this image everyday.
1188
1189
1190 I fap to this image every fucking day. Here we see a girl, dressed in the highest of cute fashion. She has a non-slutty choker and a pretty yellow dress that makes her lightly colored hair and blue eyes. She is the perfect cutie, the kind that only anime can conjure up. This precious little jelly bean is holding a scrumptious deluxe cheese hamburger, her mouth wide open ready to receive such an almighty gift. We begin with the ground beef patty, seared to perfection medium rare. This is a true hubcap beef patty. ! Next we have melted american cheese. While some foreigners may lift up their noses at our cheese, it is truly the best cheese out there. It melts the best. Onions, pickles, and mayo grace the scene. We move along the path to the lettuce: a commonly misjudged topping. The lettuce allows for a crisp watery snap to the sandwich, one that refreshes the mouth has the warm meat slides into one's mouth. Now we hit a milestone: the swine's backside, cured with culinary Sodium Dioxide. Stripes of this delicacy is one of the most cherished optional toppings in burgercraft. This little lady has taste, and an appetite! The bread, the foundation, is freshly baked and toasted with butter. Lastly, we have a pickle; it is the star of this Christmas tree. Often eaten as a side and serves as a vinegary companion to the sandwich. Here, we see a juxtaposition between two different but gorgeous objects. We have a cute, precious little lass, and we have the raw, mighty beef burger between two buns. Even with such a start contrast between the two, there is an odd but erotic unity between the two. The girl wants the burger and vice versa. The girl is ready to consume the burger, to gain pleasure from with it, and the burger will have fulfilled its purpose, being slowly digested by the cutie's innards. This highlights the universal happenstance of yin and yang, of potential and kinetic, of gentle and raw, of peace and of war. I wish that burger was my penis.
1191======================================================================================================================================
1192
1193Why I hate furries
1194
1195
1196I have three problems with furries
11971. they all choose the same 2 animals, "oh whoopty fucking doo, you're a wolf or a fox or some other type of fucking dog, get in line"
1198
11992. they don't even act like animals, they act like uwu nuzzle you bitches that invade personal space easily
1200
1201and 3. their costumes don't even look like animals, they just look like anime anthropomorphized characters, not animals AT ALL, bitch a cat-girl covered in fur don't make a cat
1202
1203listen like at first listen, "hey I act like an animal sometimes" thats like "hey dope, who doesn't wanna be an animal, am I right?" but like, yall DONT wanna be animals, you wanna be kawaii versions of Five Nights At Freddy's characters, it has nothing to do with animals as creatures, its purely aesthetic and the animal aspect means NOTHING to yall so why are you even doing it in the first place?
1204
1205bitch where the fucking OSTRICHES at huh? where the koi fish at? where the armadillos at? yall bitches don't got creativity in your craft, you all use neon colors for every single article of clothing, and please stop wearing wigs, its unholy
1206======================================================================================================================================
1207
1208To the person/slut who disposed of their DILDO in my yard
1209
1210
1211I awoke this fine morning hoping to retrieve the Sunday paper from the lawn without incident, pretty standard. How shocked was I to encounter a DILDO on my lawn? It was flesh-tone… you know a waxy, crayon-ish, unrealistic shade of flesh and it wasn’t really smooth. There were bits of grass stuck to it and some small black bugs had claimed it as their own flesh-tone yard log.
1212
1213NOW, I am all about people having a good time whether it is with other people or by themselves BUT since when did a DILDO become a one-time-use disposable item?
1214
1215Plausible and not so plausible reasons why a DILDO may have turned up in my yard:
1216
12171. It was made out of biodegradable material - so really, any yard would serve as a perfectly acceptable place to dispose of your DILDO. Dispose is such an ugly word shall we use the phrase, return to the Earth, instead?
1218
12192. My yard looked too barren - so instead of placing a creepy gnome or obnoxious pink flamingo on the lawn to liven things up a bit you decided that a flesh-tone DILDO was the perfect choice to add just the right amount of spice.
1220
12213. This was a hint – so I’m a single chick living alone on the Eastside (truly this is a curse) who is not getting a lot of action. Could you be a little more subtle, please? A DILDO on the lawn is like someone walking around with a T-shirt on that reads, Bush is a fucking moron…not too much to read into or figure out there! Jeeeeeeeeez!
1222
1223***Side Note: No amount of cleaning, not even a run through the dishwasher on SANATIZE, would ever be enough to entice me into riding this pre-owned, mysterious lawn dong
1224
12254. It fell out – so you were walking across my lawn for some inexplicable reason last night and your portable, 9 inches (guesstimate) of love fell out of you and you didn’t notice. OR maybe you did notice and just thought…ewwww icky grass and bugs, let’s just leave it here. I’ll buy a new DILDO with my daddy’s credit card tomorrow.
1226
12275. Someone was practicing – so some big event or competition is coming up. Here is a list of the possibilities as I see them:
1228
1229a. The Lorena Bobbitt Cock Tossing Competition
1230b. The rollout of the new board game: Hustler’s Scavenger Hunt
1231c. The 16th Annual Wear Your Cock on the Walk fundraiser for ED.
1232d. Naughty Lawn Darts on the Eastside – BYOD – bring your own dart.
1233
12346. New Candid Camera Show to Air – so this was all caught on tape and you may soon be viewing it in your living room. I’ll be the one with sever bed head wearing the purple, shorty pajamas and a WTF expression.
1235
1236I just know the garbage man is gonna think it’s mine! Thanks DILDO slut!
1237======================================================================================================================================
1238
1239How white people interpret rap battles
1240
1241
1242[Verse 1]
1243
1244Good evening. I would like to begin by introducing myself. My name is Hydrogen and I come from a low-income neighbourhood where life is not very comfortable. I've stolen many things, and been involved in many altercations; most of which ended in gunfire. In addition to this I've had sexual intercourse with a great number of the opposite sex. In contrast, and despite the lack of legitimate evidence, I believe you too have been involved in a number of homosexual activities. Activities I, and my companions, look down Upon. I am so much stronger than you. and my powers of rhetoric are so much greater than yours that you can employ an army of some sort to aid in your fight with me, but I would of course prevail because I am stronger than you. I'm sure I needn't remind you of my place of birth Where, and as I explained before, the living conditions are much worse than in your fore motioned city of residence. I would like to stop here for a moment and remind you that I am, in fact. orating with little, or no, prior preparation. An act commonly referred to as freestyling. Once again, and I think this bears repeating, I would like to restate my claim that I am, in fact, much stronger and, have endured a larger number of hardships then you. Hardships which have left me with an aggressive behaviour and imposing demeanour which I believe frightens you. I know of a woman with whom you have had sexual intercourse. I too have had sexual intercourse with said women and she complained to me of your less then exemplarily performance in bed. She went on to explain to me in graphic details the dimensions and particulars of your genitals, and I tell you what she said was not very generous, Sir. In conclusion, I would like to leave you with a brief summary of my argument: you sir are a weak, timid, and untrustworthy homosexual. The city in which you live is not nearly as difficult to live in, nor is it in such a high state of disrepair as mine. I am superior monologist in this debate, and any claim to the contrary will result in physical violence, and perhaps even death.
1245
1246[Verse 2 (Rebuttal)]
1247
1248And a good day to you too, Sir. I would like to rebut your previous claims in an improvisational and rhythmic manner. I was given the name Boost by my peers. The alleged facts you have uncovered in regards to me are unfounded and without merit. My birthplace is not only vastly inferior to yours, but my neighbours are also much more resilient. In terms to your claim of my sexuality: Sigmon Froid theorized that in some cases the Semi-conscious mind manifested repressed desires. Therefore leading me to believe that you, Sir, are the indeed homosexual. In fact, I once had a romantic rendezvous with your biological mother; in which fallacious was performed forthwith, and without explanation. The encounter lasted several hours and many unspeakable acts were implemented. I paid her for her services and no subsequent contact, neither verbal or physically, has been made. I brandish a 9 millimetre pistol in, which I stole from a man involved in a gang-related turf war. I fired the pistol several times. In several cases critically wounded those with whom I was in contest with. I would like to inform the audience that I engage in the sale and consumption of illegal narcotics on a regular basis. Speaking candidly; I am in no form Intimidated, or fearful, of your actions as I have been involved in countless altercations that have ended less than favourably. In summation, your argument denotes a lack of intellectual honesty on your part. It is my contention that this manor would best be solved with fisty cuffs. I believe I will be victorious in this regard.
1249======================================================================================================================================
1250
1251Garlic Bread ?
1252
1253
1254Imagine having a sexual attraction to garlic bread. Think of it: you are walking through the kitchen, when all of the sudden you see the beautiful toasty bread. You try to walk away, but your boner is too strong, and like opposing poles of two magnets, you are attracted to that oh so virgin buttery goodness. You grab it and get on your knees. They will get dirty but it will be more sexy and promiscuous. You grab two loaves and go to town. After you blow your load, you stand up, dust off your knees, and are halfway through zipping up your jeans when you realize something: you didn't check the expiration date before the breadfucking. You shakily walk over to a mirror, and the horrific realization only now begins to dawn on you as your cock and balls feel itchy. You have just fucked moldy garlic bread. Over the weeks that follow, your dick shrinks until it starts retreating into your scrotum. Your balls twist, and ache more than your heart did for that garlic bread. You fall fatally ill. You lay on your deathbed, waiting for the angle of darkness to come. However, as you lie there in pain, you begin to feel something in your throat. Your heart crawls out of your mouth, and walks onto your chest. It brandishes a sword. It screams. You scream. Your parents scream. The doctors scream. Then, it commits seppku, and your eyes roll backward. The noise of the flatline echoes throughout the room. Such is the fitting end to a person with such a bizarre fetish.
1255======================================================================================================================================
1256
1257Fix it dumbass your Grammer sucks
1258
1259
1260Woah you think your sooo cool? Well your in for a surprise your not cool your a fucking retard that post random shit about anime or dead memes or fucking gacha you maggot and your Grammer is fucking garbage I cant even read a single thing in that comment it's so bad you scumbag I think I'm about to pass out because of your dumbass being an idoit jesus christ I can smell the fuck heat from your phone saying to you that I want to cool down bitch let me go and turn me off let me rest cunt through my screen your a fucking maggot and a retard and I know you play with a fucking fidget spinner you are a 5 year old you dumbass why are you even on this app if your 5 oh let me guess your mommy got you on well tell her to sign you out you dumbass your a fucking retard fix your grammer to while your at it right you have to fucking be a grown ass man you fucking baby fix your damn post or comment you filthy dog
1261======================================================================================================================================
1262
1263I want to fuck the Fortnite banana so fucking bad
1264
1265
1266God, I want to fuck the Fortnite banana so fucking bad. Imagine him in bed; his lustful eyes gazing into yours as you penetrate his peel. How warm he feels on the inside. His thick, yellow curves bending just to right into your chest as you thrust into him mercilessly. Imagine the warmth and extreme pleasure that you must get when you finally release your load into the Fortnite banana. His gushy insides become soaked with your seed. All that cholesterol, covered in your juice. You peel him back and take a bite of that sweet victorious fruit and taste your proud work and dedication on your tongue. The banana pushes his beautiful curved form against your body as you drift off to sleep, having had the most incredible and most amazing orgasm you have ever felt in your life— all thanks to the Fortnite banana.
1267======================================================================================================================================
1268
1269Why Im pro abortion
1270
1271
1272I have always been in favor of the practice of abortion. It all began when I was in the womb, my mother went to a planned parenthood clinic to get an abortion. When the doctor inserted the abortion hose to suck me out, I grabbed it and squeezed it shut. I survived. I believe that children across the globe have been weakened by the lack of attempted abortions. This disturbing lack of culling has allowed week seed to sully our species, leading to malformed creatures. I myself have impregnated many females, and several of them have attempted to get abortions, however they were shocked to see my seed use the abortion hose to strangle the doctors. I am so proud of them
1273======================================================================================================================================
1274
1275Diamond is the hardest metal known to man.
1276
1277
1278Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows:
1279
1280Pocket-protected scientists built a wall made of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond travelling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall made of metal into 400 miles an hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted earths orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles an hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused over 10000 wayward planes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with over 10000 buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall travelling at miles per iron, and the result proved with out a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.
1281======================================================================================================================================
1282
1283What is a "fort night"?
1284
1285
1286Hi my names Bill I'm a father of 3 and have a son named Gerald. The other day, Gerald started playing a game called "fort night" and I was fine with it until now.
1287
1288Lately he's been doing these probably satanic movements around the house and has been calling me a "default" then making an "L" formation on his forehead while doing another ritualistic movement. He also calls me a virgin and a "noob" then says, "bet you wish you could beat ninja, gay vigin!" while swinging his arms around. He just lately spray painted his hair blue and is wearing a yellow dish rag around his head.
1289
1290Is he worshipping satan? Is late abortion a good option? Is this against Trump?
1291======================================================================================================================================
1292
1293I identify as an attack helicopter
1294
1295
1296**Gets the mic**
1297
1298“1 2 3... is this thing on?”
1299
1300*the public is yawning, their hopes are low for this one*
1301
1302“AHEM”
1303
1304*the public is still unresponsive*
1305
1306“Did you know that...”
1307
1308*The public stares quietly*
1309
1310“I identify...”
1311
1312*Everyone’s eyebrows are already above their foreheads, some men have already wet their underwear*
1313
1314“As...”
1315
1316*Every person over 65 immediately collapses and drops dead on the spot, but everyone is too busy listening to this prophet to realize that uncle John is deceased*
1317
1318**AN ATTACK HELICOPTER???**
1319
1320*Everyone cums in the spot, children suddenly go through the entirety of puberty in 0.21 milliseconds and cum too. Every dick in the room has exploded because of the amount of cum that came out of their tails. Everyone is swallowing a mix of cum, blood and piss because they have their mouths wide open from laughing so much.*
1321
1322This truly is the epitome of comedy.
1323
1324
1325*Suddenly, Ben Shapiro bursts through the roof with his own dong inside of him. He looks at the great mind that said those wise words.*
1326
1327“Libtards opwned”
1328
1329*He proceeds to kiss his now boss with passion, their tongues melt together in a beautiful way, like if two galaxies collided.*
1330*All the estrogen particles in the world are now replaced with testosterone and a little bit of ketamine, every woman grows a penis and a beard, and everyone is going nuts because of the ketamine*
1331
1332BREAKING NEWS: The leaning tower of Pisa is now fully erect, all the water in the world is now liquid testosterone and all the bacteria have developed muscles. The only females left are in the International Space Station, but they won’t be there for much more time because all the Australians are turning off their anti gravity belts and trying to fall into the ISS to impregnate the remaining females and go to the star system of TRAPPIST-1 to find any fuckable form of life.
1333Oh, and someone yeeted Saturn off the solar system to use the rings as a sexual toy.
1334
1335*God itself comes down to earth wearing a laughing emoji mask and whispers to the great prophet’s right ear something he will never forget:*
1336
1337“cockenball torture”
1338
1339*God© yeets itself into hell to have anal intercourse with all the gays, leaving a trail of the emoji movie stickers behind*
1340
1341*The entropy of the universe is exploding now, and the expansion of space-time is accelerated to insanely rapid speeds, all the matter vanishes from this realm at the speed of yeet. The universe has reached eternal peace, and the last thing that existed before everything vanished into the nothingness of space was the great prophet u/DankLibtardOwner editing his comment on Reddit:*
1342
1343“Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!”
1344======================================================================================================================================
1345
1346Call of Duty: Before Christ
1347
1348
1349Did you know, the first ever Call of Duty game released in 2003, a whopping 4713 years after the first ever recorded war, "Sumer vs. Elam", which occurred in 2700 BC. This is strange, considering that violence didn't exist before Call of Duty. It is theorized that violent video games existed in that period, as it would be impossible for any type of violence to happen if they were not. In late 2012, a paleontologist who was digging into a random patch of land, found a strange rock case, when it was cracked open, a disc titled "Call of Duty: Before Christ" was inside, but the disc wasn't able to be read, despite being tested in various disc readers. We can however speculate, that this is what led to violence in our world, starting with the "Sumer vs. Elam" war, and continuing, with war looming over us to this day.
1350======================================================================================================================================
1351
1352Went to the nude beach yesterday. Got an accidental boner. It was a bit of a problem.
1353
1354
1355I go to nude beaches from time to time. Sometimes guys get accidental boners. It happens. Usually it’s not much of an issue. People just ignore it. It’s never really been something I have to worry about. I'm a grower, so ordinarily I don't stand out at all, and I've never been prone to unwanted boners. Yesterday I spent the whole day at Gunnison Beach. I was having a fine, normal day, until later in the afternoon when out of nowhere as I was strolling up the beach I suddenly felt a little stirring down there. I tried not to think about it, but I could still feel it growing. The more I tried to stop it, the more it kept coming on. Before I knew it I had a full-on rager going in front of everyone. I’m not super huge, but I’m very thick, and let’s just say it stands out. And there I was with nowhere to hide. People were definitely noticing, and some started staring. Ordinarily I’d jump in the water until it subsided, but on this day it was full of salp jellies, and it was really disgusting. It was like swimming in vegetable soup, and the little jellies would get stuck in my pubes when I came out. So I had no choice but to keep walking. The more mortified I became, the harder my dick got, until it was positively rigid and pointing right to the sky. I felt like everyone at the whole beach was looking at me. I just kept walking and walking until I got to the far south end past where you can lay out your umbrellas and stuff. You can still be naked, but it’s far less populated. Finally I could relax a little bit. There were a few people strolling around, but nothing like in the crowded area. I finally got to the point that I decided I wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. It was mostly gay guys up in this section anyway. They were staring even more, and some even pointing at it, but I decided I still wasn’t going to care. I just strode proudly and let my cock be as hard as it wanted to be, and didn’t give a shit who saw or what they thought. I have to say it was very freeing. I could have my fat dong out there and stiff in front of everyone, and it was fine. I am proud of my big dick after all. I might as well share it with the public. And the more people saw it, the more comfortable I became with them seeing it. Finally I got to the point where the sign said the nude section ends, so I turned around for the long walk back. By now my tool seemed to have gotten it out of its system and started deflating. By the time I was back in the crowded area, it wasn’t totally shrunk back down, but now I was past caring. The rest of the day was pretty much back to normal. Just before it was time to leave, my dick started getting a little hard again, and this time I decided I was going to just let it happen. I don’t now if people were staring or not, because I wasn’t looking. Maybe this is the new normal for me now.
1356======================================================================================================================================
1357
1358Furry Navy Seals
1359
1360
1361what the fwickk d-did you just f-fwickking s-say a-about me, you w-wittle meanie? i'll have y-you know i gwaduated top o-of my cwass in the navy seaws ☆:・ﾟ and i've been invowved in numewous secwet waids on aw-quaeda ☆:・ﾟ and i have over 300 confiwmed kills. i am t-twained in gowiwwa wawfare and i'm the top sniper i-in the entire us awmed fowces. you are n-nothing to m-me but just another tawget ☆*:・ﾟ i will wipe you the fwickk out with pwecision t-the wikes of which has never been seen before on this e-eawth-.- mawk my fwickking wowds :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ y-you think y-you can get away w-with s-saying that poopoo to me over t-the intewnet? think again.. fwickker xD as we speak i am contacting my secwet netwowk of spies acwoss the usa and youw i-ip is b-being twaced wight now so y-you better p-pwepare fow the stowm, maggot. the s-stowm t-that wipes out the pathetic wittle thing you c-call youw wife (≧◡≦) ur fwickking dead.., kid ☆:・ﾟ i can be anywhere ☆:・ﾟ anytime mmm.. and i can k-kill you in o-over s-seven hundwed ways, and that's just with my bare hands-.- n-not onwy a-am i extensivewy twained in unawmed combat, but i have access t-to the entire a-awsenaw of the u-united states mawine cowps a-and i will use it to its full e-extent t-to wipe youw misewable boi pussy off the face o-of t-the c-continentO.o you wittle p-poopoo. if o-onwy you couwd have known what unhowy wetwibution youw w-wittle "cwevew" c-comment was a-about to bwing down upon you, maybe y-you w-wouwd have hewd y-youw f-fwickking tongue. but y-you couwdn't, you didn't, and now ur paying the pwice mmm.. y-you goddamn idiot ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ ) i will poopoo fuwy all over you and you will dwown i-in i-it. ur fwickking dead, kiddo.
1362======================================================================================================================================
1363
1364Cummed so hard I fainted
1365
1366
1367So this happened a couple of days ago..
1368
1369Had a rash develop over the past few weeks and it was itching like crazy, thought at first it was just some kind of allergy from switching body washes lately. After changing back to my old wash and my rash didn't showing any indication of subsiding, I went to visit a dermatologist. Anyways, turns out I have a skin condition called Pityriasis rosea, which isn't actually serious and should go away on its own. So she perscribed me some corticosteroids for the itching and sent me on my way home. Anyone that has ever gotten an itch knows that there are few things more pleasant than scratching it. After showering (and before taking my medication), the rash was itching particularly strongly and I sat down on the toilet to dry my hair. I noticed that when the hot air from the dryer came in contact with my rash ( Rash was spread all over the back) it felt like scratching my back REAALLLYYY good. So naturally I took the hot dryer closer to my skin and voila, that shit felt close to an orgasm. Naturaly I decided to take it to the next logical level: Flopping the bishop while scratching my rash with the hot hair dryer (Yes I know this sounds mildy retarded). What ensued next was the most transending experience in my whole fucking life. I busted a nut so hard I started to see stars, my hole body started to tremble and I fucking fainted. My parents heard the thump of me falling on the floor from downstairs, and appearantly called for me a few times, my mother is a REAAAL worrier, so my dad broke down the bathroom door, where they found me laying like literally covered in a quarter cups worth of semen, my back all red from the hot air, and the hairdryer blowing at max speed all over the place. So yeah, my mother hasn't looked me in the eye for like 2 days. FML
1370======================================================================================================================================
1371
1372God I want to fuck the shit out of a McDonald's hamburger
1373
1374
1375God I want to fuck the shit out of a McDonald’s hamburger, just the feeling of the bun and the burger stroking my cock, I’ve been kicked out of multiple McDonald’s in the us for public masturbation, I try to stop but I just can’t, it’s so hard to resist. Each time the burger gives me a shattering orgasam. I can’t help myself. I’ve tried therapy in the past, but it never works, each Time I see a McDonald’s burger, I get so fucking horny. I’m nearly filled with Precum. I need to fuck a McDonald’s hamburger right now just the feeling of the cheese melting all over my shaft is enough to fulfill my desire for weeks. In my opinion. The burger tastes better with cum. I’m not gay, just open with trying new things. I never ask for my food to go. I like to do it while the crowd watches. The police has been called each time but I don’t care. There in the splash zone anyway.
1376======================================================================================================================================
1377
1378I want to fuck Weepinbell
1379
1380
1381I’d fucking love weepinbell I’d fuck the shit out of a weepinbell if it were real holy fuck I shove my cock inside it’s mouth and let it drool till I die of the poison holy shit I’d let it plant seeds inside me and I’ll wait for that shit to grow until the roots reach mouth and I’m growing a dam tree I’d fuck that weepinbell till 90% of its mass is my damn fluids holy shit I go full throttle on that bitch thill it start crying then I’ll go even more My only wish is that the weepinbell can suck my ass and fuck me like I would do it holy fuck just thinking about is making me cum shit fuck shit my parents see fuck fuck weepinbell got the hole damn rim and give me the best cum I’d ever had fuck If only Pokémon were real I’ll fuck that weepinbell until I break that shits mouth if it faints I’ll keep going day and night ever year pushing me forward holy fuck imma have extras just in case I go in in y’know ape shit like yeah yeah if that damn plant got the damn home in I’ll just get the extras them begin that shit again like it’s a conveyer belt holy shit fuck shit If one of them be that really small one I’d shove that shit you my ass and keep em there until there ready for the throttle if one of them evolves they either going to the furnace or the breeder y’all already know yeah see shit like I’ll vore analvore and fuck that damn plant until I or it can’t move and I will always move no matter what I have 15 weepinbell seeds up my ass and they’re being water and nurtured as we speak when them shots grow I’ll finally find true happiness when all them stems and roots go into every crevasse and part of my whole body I’d cum out of my ass if that shot happens that is what I call the perfect death But even in death I’ll still be fucking and growing yeah see I got the machine and bondage set up for this whole entire operation to last a couple of years y’know damn if only dam if only
1382======================================================================================================================================
1383
1384How Minecraft teaches your kids to hate Jewish people
1385
1386
1387Minecraft is a front for anti semitism, it’s funded by Iraq to teach your children to hate Jews. Here’s how.
1388
1389Minecraft villagers. They have big noses, protected by iron golems, two things associated with Jews. They give high prices for their goods, another Jewish thing.
1390
1391Villages are found in Plains. Deserts, and Savanas. PDS. Palestine Deserves Salvation.
1392
1393Chests are hidden around the village. This plays into the idea that Jews hide their valuables, like they did during the holocaust.
1394
1395Now for the next bit, how they encourage violence
1396
1397Players are strongly inclined to raid and steal from villages. They have hidden chests filled with valuables, such as iron, apples, diamonds, etc. They have abundance of food and seeds, as well as an easy source for wood, torches, and wool.
1398
1399The game is getting players used to stealing from Jews, and even killing them. Doing what’s necessary to survive, without any thought for the villagers.
1400
1401The idea that Jews use supernatural powers is also present. The game allows you to enchant items, and this section of the game is filled with Hebrew script, in the enchantment table and floating off from the bookshelves. This
1402
1403Implies Jews can harness magic
1404
1405Implies Jews have the ability to overpower us (enchanted fools are stronger and more efficient)
1406
1407That acedemia is written and controlled by the Jews, as the Hebrew letters float off the bookshelves.
1408
1409The game also gets players used to violence against other groups as well.
1410
1411Zombie Pigmen. Violence against cops.
1412
1413Zombies. Violence against liberals, who are NPCs who don’t think for themselves (brainless like zombies)
1414
1415Moshrooms, violence against drug users (mushrooms growing on them)
1416
1417Endermen, violence against artistic people and the mentally challenged (endermen get upset when you look at them)
1418
1419The game is subtle, but the messages are clear. Don’t fall for the trap that Minecrsft isn’t like COD and doesn’t cause our children to become violent. It does. In many ways it is worse. Spread the word that you can’t let your children play this game! Still not convinced? The strongest block in the game you can access is Obsidian. In real life it’s just volcanic glass. So what’s it mean? Why does it open a portal to the Netherlands?
1420
1421Think about it.
1422======================================================================================================================================
1423
1424For all the memers out there
1425
1426
1427Uganda knuckles succ meme thanos communism ben shapiro pewdiepie bruh sound efrect 2 desoacito 4520 harambe yeet gunga ginga guy trap remix this guy is spitting fax minecraft revenge creeper aw man keanu reeves dr phil 69 nice reddit dank instagram normie cringe dankmemes rwoosh water sheep sven jörgen oof minecragt sound efrect death xxtentacion bruh bruh bruhhh this is not my creaton lisa stahe facts spiderman whiteboard meme template emoji police hands up nae nae priveleges i like fire trucks and moster trucks walter pyrocynical petscop 2 no car morgzgest morgz mom subscriber vs pyrocynical live t series bitch lasagna congratulations vine tiktok musically oh hell nah vine meme compilatiom v4 your breathtaking cyberspace 2077 mr beast challenge 10000dollar like so brody can see annoying orange hey apple hey apple baby shark dododo johnny jphmmy yes papa eating suhar no papa big braim vs small brain noob vs pro fortnite ninja hype dnce floos backpack kid genius lyrics meme im the monster screech mouth meme shrek all star rage comics troll face doge le quires karen took the kids vaccinate chilsren earth is flat idipts roblox denis obby offensive spicy meme afrucan child meme dancing meme brazilian dog dancing dance meme song im already traer what if good girl lile bad boys memeulous is short wiölne is minecragt head and i oop sksksksksksk tiktok cringe compiöatipn 3 dittyit fumny meme 2 baldis basics meme sonic cringe compilation cringy kids compilatiom pewdiepie bridge nword belle deplhine bath watee imalexx drink memeulous bath water fiverr death to all ejss meme pewdiepie pyrocynical 2000$ belle deplphine mimecragt hitler meme comp billyt ellisos bad gudy laws and order this is how to eat a big mac goddnight girl ill see you tommorow twomad360 here is the motherufcling tea allahu akbfaf offensive prank gone wrong keemstar alex is a stuåid ngieer leagyishere keemstar gnome somebody tiucha my spaghet tide pods ear5h chan 4chan imcels imbpxxy rawr xd heyayayayay crazy frog gummy bear nimtendo everyone is here
1428======================================================================================================================================
1429
1430I want to fuck Garfield
1431
1432
1433As a teenager I suffered from severe depression and formed a strong bond with the character Garfield and his outlook. Its sad but reading garfield anthologies obsessively was the only thing that made me feel normal and it eventually took on something of an erotic fixation.
1434
1435To avoid feeling like a sicko I drew pictures of garfield with a womans(Think Pamela anderson circa 1991) body and garfields head, so that I was assured that my fixation wasn't with animals or repressed homosexuality. This garfield/pam hybrid still had the same biting wit and acerbic outlook and tended to cut herself in self loathing while wolfing down a lasagna to fill the void after sleeping with drawings of a much more handsome and muscular version of myself. These drawings eventually evolved into erotic fanfiction starring garfield and myself (In my head Garfield still has a womans body but someone reading the stories would think Im having sex with regular Garfield.) I killed off Jon in a jealous rage, I didn't touch Odie, I enjoy his companionship and don't mind if he watches.
1436
1437The stories are your pretty basic wish fulfillment stuff, balanced with self loathing rants. I've been doing this near daily for years and I have a substantial amount of writing in a folder I keep buried in 8 different folders.
1438
1439My girlfriend stumbled across them by accident when they came up in a search and is pretty freaked out. How can I show her I'm just a normal guy with a weird outlet for my psychological problems and not some kind of sicko?
1440
1441Here is a small sample so you get the picture.
1442
1443I looked at her as she lay on the floor crying, my satisfied cock dripped droplets of life juice on her toes, flaccid yet still distended, looking satisfied like a man who has just run a mile and is rewarding himself with a slice of pie.
1444
1445She reached for the knife as she always did and sliced into her familiar wound, mumbling 'i hate you, i hate you'. Its your own worthless soul you hate, god hates us all and thats why he laughs, he created the world to laugh at our pain, now eat up! I kicked her in the stomach incapacitating her and as she doubled over forced a pan of lasagna down her stupid throat, she coughed most of it up but I made her lick up every last drop as she cried the tears of an empty soul I found my cock get hard from her pain and went for her ***, rubbing her blood gushing forearm into her stupid face.
1446
1447Odie looked at me with a look of fear mingled with hatred but he new not to interfere, and I could tell by his doggie hardon that he didn't truly mind, she would suck him off later he knew for my amusement. I made her suck many people off, to gain friends in the community but mostly to humiliate her and destroy any self esteem she had left.
1448======================================================================================================================================
1449
1450When someone mentions you
1451
1452
1453You summoned my presence from afar, deep in the barren lands of the great state of Alabama which is located in the only planet we know of that has biological processes happening constantly due to the atmosphere’s composition that allows these processes to occur thus letting you pronounce the words that have resulted in the action performed by my miracle of evolution that scientists call “brain” thus allowing me to respond to the signal projected by my highly advanced device capable of receiving the words casted by you through your other highly advanced device which results in me connecting words in a specific way to communicate through a number of patterns and letters ending in the result of me responding to you, female.
1454======================================================================================================================================
1455
1456Why the letter 'h' is the best thing in the universe
1457
1458
1459'h' is a good meme because it just doesn't mean anything. It's one of the few letters that really can't be associated with anything. By itself, it just cannot mean anything. The letter "a" is obviously associated with the word, we say it a lot. It's also a letter grade, along with BCDF. There's clear meaning in it. Even a less common letter like X is associated with something, like your "ex" or "exterminate" or something. Maybe even the algebra variable *x*, along with y and z. They're just too familiar.
1460
1461But h? It's just h. **It literally doesn't rhyme with anything**. It doesn't stand for anything. It doesn't mean anything but it still takes effort to pronounce. H is succinct but also not the easiest letter to say in terms of effort. It takes effort to say for how succinct it is, and that makes it even more useless and it's great.
1462
1463Online, it's a great way to say something without actually saying anything at all. It's the equivalent of just typing "." or just a blank message in a chat, except you're writing something that can be pronounced. It's brilliant.
1464
1465Close after might come W and E. I'd argue that's why E became a meme before, it's also kind of a standalone letter but there are some differences. I'm sure W has seen its spotlight here and there over the past decade or more.
1466
1467**TL;DR** The letter H by itself is so brilliantly useless. That's why it's so good.
1468======================================================================================================================================
1469
1470Willy Wonka and the Rape Factory
1471
1472
1473"No. Not tonight," Charlie cried as he buried his tears in his pillow.
1474
1475"Oh yes, tonight. Tonight, just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and a hundred nights stretching before that ending at the day you came to live with me. Tonight, just like tomorrow." And with that, Willy Wonka removed his pants with a smirk. Usually, Charlie's parents and grandparents had been forced to watch, but Willy had killed them all and used their remains as seasoning for a new type of candy, Scrumdidllyumptious Green Soylent Surprise. Tonight would be Charlie's first night alone.
1476
1477"Please, Mr. Wonka, please don't!" Charlie gave out one last sob of belligerence, but the Candyman tore off the young boy's trousers with no senses of regret. "Let's see, what do we have hear today? Is there a treat for me? I most certainly hope there is," said Mr.Wonka as we delved his thumb and two fingers into Charlie's anus. Forcing them in until they were at the knuckle, Willy moved his hand around, as if he was searching for something. Then, his hand stopped, suddenly.
1478
1479"EUREKA! I found it!" Removing his fingers, Charlie saw that firmly clutched in Mr. Wonka's hand was an everlasting gobstopper that Wonka had placed in there last night. Taking a lick, Mr. Wonka declared "It tastes just as delicious as the day I made it, although I don't know how I got so much corn on the shell formula." Wonka said the last line with a wink at Charlie, as if he expected him to laugh.
1480
1481"Oh well, time for business." And with that, Willy Wonka dropped the gobstopper to his side and began to slide his PENIS into Charlie's now-loose starfish. Charlie let out a small tear and he began to grunt with every thrust. He must escape this madness. He must kill Willy Wonka.
1482
1483But there were no knives in his home, in his prison. There were no guns or swords or matches, or anything. Everything that was needed was done for you by an oompa-loompa.
1484
1485"Charlie, in a few minutes I'm going to place this in your mouth. I think you should like it, it's flavored with an exlusive mix of Charlie Bucket chocolate. Thanks for not wiping, baby."
1486
1487Charlie had given himself poor anal hygeiene in an attempt to scare Wonka away, but Willy ignored it and facked him all the same, except now with more facials.
1488
1489Charlie desperatly wanted out of this hell, and by now he was willing to go through any plan he could in order to escape. And that's when he saw it. Next to Wonka's shaking knees was a gobstopper. Charlie moved his hands back as if to play with Willy, but as soon as he was close enough, he grabbed the gobstopper and swallowed it hole. The taste was revolting, but he had grown used to the taste and smell of his own anal production, so it passed into his throat with no problem. And in his throat is where it lodged.
1490
1491By the time Willy Wonka had figured out Charlie was dead, he had already came in the young child's brown gateway, wondering why the child did not let loose a barage of tears telling him to pull out.
1492
1493Placing his PENIS in Charlie's mouth, he noticed the boy's flesh to be unusually cold and his tongue to be unresponsive. Facking him orally anyway, Willy Wonka knew exactly what to do with his apprentice.
1494
1495He called out to the worker oompa-loompas and told them to take care of the body as they pleased, to which the oompa loompas chuckled and exchanged mischevious smiles. At once, he signaled for the Chief Loompa. Making motions, Wonka spoke to him.
1496
1497"Another one has died."
1498
1499"So, what should I do, sir?"
1500
1501"Distribute the memory eraser chocolate, again,"
1502
1503"And then, boss?"
1504
1505"Tell the world that my factory is opening it's doors to the public after 15 years of life as a hermit. And make sure only boys find the gold this time."
1506======================================================================================================================================
1507
1508You swine.
1509
1510
1511You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have to us who think and reason? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatslapper. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it. Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are akin to those of the bird that keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, and even occasionally earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, routinely childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful. You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious and defamatory to the thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame. You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you. You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, and a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet. I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystrophic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-retarded. Shut up and go away lest you achieve the physical retribution your behaviour merits. Thank you for your kind attention to and expected cooperation in this matter.
1512======================================================================================================================================
1513
1514Minecraft good Fortnite bad
1515
1516
1517"M-m... M"
1518
1519No one was paying attention in the crossroads of New York as I was giving my speech.
1520
1521"M-m-mine..."
1522
1523However, one person was intrigued in what I was saying.
1524
1525"M-m-m-minecraft..."
1526
1527Then it was just a domino effect, ten more people are watching.
1528
1529"Minecraft..."
1530
1531A hundred were now watching, this had caught the attention of even the busy drivers in rush hour. Their faces in anticipation, some were even scared. Others were complaining that this isn't the real deal.
1532
1533"MINECRAFT..."
1534
1535But they all suddenly started cheering, shaking, praying. When they heard my tone, my pitch, my timbre.... they all knew what was going to come next. They realized... that salvation of the human race has finally come.
1536
1537"Minecraft good Fortnite bad"
1538
1539And then the silence broke
1540
1541"OOOIOIIUUUUUGHHHhJJHHHHHWAASEAAAa//::"
1542
1543Thousands of people fell to their knees, yelling orgasmically. People starting crying tears of joy, others were running and thanking God, News reporters were already on the scene, broadcasting the entire thing nationwide and consequently the entire world. Hundreds of people came out of their cars, buses, taxis, stores, and subway stations hooting and hollering. It was a miracle unfolding.
1544
1545I started to say the next sentence relayed to me by our Lord and Savior.
1546
1547"M-m-mi... Mine..."
1548
1549Already some people fainted at just the mere sound of my voice. Even more people came. Some were jumping from planes thousands of feet in the air, others ran or swam miles to here in mere seconds. I think I even spotted a few famous people.
1550
1551"MINE..."
1552
1553Nearly a million people were here now. There's now Europeans, Canadians, Mexicans, Latin Americans, West Coasters, Africans, and even several Asians and one Australian. They were screaming hysterically, bringing gifts for me, taking pictures and videos. Fireworks and confetti everywhere, helicopters, and even Donald Trump was here with his family bowing down to me.
1554
1555"MINEC-C-C-CRAFT *voice crack*"
1556
1557A billion people were here now. Even animals from all over the world were coming in herds. I could see Pewdiepie &amp;amp;amp;amp; Martiza, Elon Musk, Keanu Reeves, Lil Nas X, 50 Cent, Oprah Winfrey, the Kardashians, and so many other people. Many people were having seizures, heart attacks, and strokes from the sheer excitement, and some were being trampled to death because of the huge crowd. The screaming was deafening. Some just came straight out of their bathroom, school, work, or their parenting... but it doesn't matter now.
1558
1559"MMMMMMIIIIINNNNEEECRAAAFTTTTT"
1560
1561No matter what was your race, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, economic class, etc... it didn't matter. All of humanity has come together for this one moment. Millions of people have died to due plane crashes, car crashes, doctors abandoning their patients, parents abandoning their children... just to be here, but it will all be worth it.
1562
1563Nearly half of humanity is here now. Even the dead came out their graves for this. Everyone is climbing on top of each other and on the walls of skyscrapers since they couldn't fit. So many lights, music, dancing, feasts... yet barely a minute passed. Humanity is very interesting.
1564
156510, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
1566
1567I look at the smiling faces of the crowd in front of me. I look at the death and destruction that came from sacrifice to attend this event. This is it. We're ready.
1568
15690.
1570
1571"Minecraft good Fortnite bad Instagram normie Emojis bad Keanu breathtaking Wholesome 100 [Everyone liked that] Area 51 PETA bad 69 nice 420"
1572
1573"AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyyyYYYYYYYYYYYyaYayaYaASyAAaYaaYayaAAAaaUGgGHHhHHhhHHhhHHh???????mmmmMMMMmMmMMMMMMMMM????????hhhhhhHhFFFfffF"
1574
1575Billions of people around the world disintegrated into their pure chemical compounds that composed their bodies, then their atoms, then their protons/neutrons/electrons, and finally their quarks... as they heard that holy sentence. The distant echoes of yelling can heard from thousands of miles. This... this was their ultimate purpose in life. This is the culmination of everything that has happened in human history, it is reason why life even existed in the first place. They weren't screaming in terror, they were shouting in orgasmic joy. They could finally die happy. Their entire lives flashed before their eyes as they saw their loved ones. They saw their ultimate fantasy. They can finally be freed from their imperfect bodies in this imperfect world.
1576
1577The Sun blinked out. The Moon crashed into the Earth. The Earth turned into dust. The Solar System collapsed into a state of entropy. The Milky Way hosts a firework show of supernovas. All the galaxies of the universe colliding with one another. Reality is falling apart. That's because reality doesn't need to exist anymore. It has reached its goal. Spacetime has fallen. Matter ceases to exist. Not even the concept of nothing exists. The universe was never born.
1578
1579Humanity is gone. Everything is gone. We are now one. Evil doesn't exist anymore. Insecurities don't exist anymore. Fear, sadness, anger don't exist anymore. Just hope, love, and harmony for eternity. This is what we were meant to be. This is our final evolution stage.
1580
1581This is heaven. This is what it means to be happy.
1582
1583Congratulations.
1584======================================================================================================================================
1585
1586Dum dum want cum cum ?
1587
1588
1589"You, dum dum. Give me, cum cum"
1590
1591I stare lustfully at the talking Moai head. I whip out my penis and he starts sucking hard. My eyes roll back and I let out a moan that grows louder each second, his rocky lips caressing my member, until finally I give him my sticky substance with a satisfied sigh.
1592
1593....
1594
1595....
1596
1597....
1598
1599*chewing sounds*
1600
1601"Mm... yum yum is your cum cum."
1602
1603*spits it on the floor*
1604
1605"But... cum cum bad for tum tum."
1606
1607I swiftly lap it up like the good little cum vacuum I am and take my leave. As I look back one more time, the Maoi winks at me, and I wink back with a sly smile. I cant wait to return, ready to give more cum cum... after all, I'm his little dum dum.
1608======================================================================================================================================
1609
1610Why Male Vaporeons Are The Best
1611
1612
1613Vaporeons are the most fuckable things in the universe. However screw the female version. You get those same ol two holes in literally everything else. the MALE vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery diccs they have full mobility control with like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach, get each other aroused, and have the fucc of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone with that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you. Its ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a vappy dicc was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dicc. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger, and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve. Giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though. Due to having a thicc, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dicc point backwards (takes some training) YOU CAN BE FUCKED, WHILE ALSO FUCKING YOUR VAPPY AT THE SAME TIME!!! ME-OWTH, THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT!!! BUT! BUT! BUT! THERE'S STILL FUCKING MORE!!!!!! Like, holy shit male vaps are the GODS of fucc. While you're fuccing your male vappy, possibly while also being fucced by him, their booty is ON their tail, at the base, which is the thiccest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are, meaning, while your dicc is in there, IT'S BEING FUCKING MASSAGED BETTER THAN EVEN A VAG COULD ACHIEVE!!! AGH! It should be fucking ILLEGAL how amazing male vaps are for fucc! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fuccer like me. That's right. THERE'S. EVEN. FUCKING. MORRRRRRE!!! Say you like to be a little restrained, You don't need a sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic, or leafeon's vines. vappies got that shit covered too! DID YOU EVEN SEE THAT TAIL?!? It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a vappy. it's basically their main part about them. But if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible irl? Such as, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. IT JUST BECAME POSSIBLE! They can be solid as they pass your lips (passed where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type, but who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption, eventually they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure QnQ they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body. Making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fucc the respect it deserves. Umbreons may bwee my favorite, but, damn. vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
1614
1615(I wonder if this will become a copy pasta, or if Nintendo will give me a cease order for bringing all this amazingness to light. Either way I'll know I've done a great service to the world. GO MALE VAPPIES!!!)
1616======================================================================================================================================
1617
1618Dear Reddit, am I (22M) the asshole?
1619
1620
1621I (22M) caught my brother (15M), my sister (18F), my father (58M), my mother (56F), my other brother (24M), my other sister (12F), my uncle (50M), my aunt (47F), my niece (7F), my nephew (12M), my grandfather on my fathers side (79M), my grandmother on my fathers side (81F/Deceased), my grandfather on my mothers side (92M), my grandmother on my mothers side (92F), my neighbour (34F), my neighbours roommate who is subsequently also my neighbour (37F), their daughter (5F) and my neighbours daughters friend (6F) all throwing a party. I (22M) was not invited to this party, hosted by (50M) and (58M).
1622
1623(79M), who the party had been thrown for had objected to myself (22M) being invited alongside (7F), (12F) and (34F).
1624
1625I (22M) believe that this decision, made by (50M) and (58M) was sexist despite myself (22M) being the only (M) not invited. I (22M) successfully convinced (7F), (12F), and (34F) that this was sexist and now (7F), (12F) and (34F) are advocating for (50M) and (58M) to allow myself (22M) into (79M)’s party.
1626
1627(50M) told me (22M) that I was being a disgrace to the entire (15M, 18F, 58M, 56F, 24M, 12F, 50M, 47F, 7F, 12M, 79M, 81F/Deceased, 92M, 92F) however the others (34F, 37F, 5F, 6F) believe that I (22M) was not being a disgrace to the entire (15M, 18F, 58M, 56F, 24M, 12F, 50M, 47F, 7F, 12M, 79M, 81F/Deceased, 92M, 92F).
1628
1629In retaliation to being uninvited from the party, I (22M) called my family member (24M) “not thicc in the slightest,” and that he (24M) should “delete his (24M) Instagram account as his (24M) posts were mediocre at best”.
1630
1631My (58M) contacted me (22M) to tell me (22M) that I (22M) was being removed from the will ($15M). I (22M) think this is entirely uncalled for. After talking to (34F, not 37F), they (34F, 37F) both agreed that this was crazy so they put me (22M) into contact with their (5F) and their (5F)’s friend (6F) for assistance with the whole ordeal.
1632
1633After repeated contact with (5F) and (6F), I (22M) was arrested by the police (??M, ??M, ??F) and told that I (22M) was an absolute creep.
1634
1635I (22M) instantly called (34F, 37F) but they (34F, 37F) did not pick up. Then the police (??M, ??M, ??F) showed me (22M) footage which mustn’t have been real as I (22M) didn’t remember it, which showed me (22M) stealing food from children (?M, ?M) to please (5F, 6F).
1636
1637Furthermore, my (15M, 18F, 58M, 56F, 24M, 12F, 50M, 47F, 7F, 12M, 79M, 81F/Deceased, 92M, 92F) was questioned and agreed that I (22M) was an absolute creep. My (15M, 18F, 58M, 56F, 24M, 12F, 50M, 47F, 7F, 12M, 79M, 81F/Deceased, 92M, 92F) then showed the police (??M, ??M, ??F) that I (22M) had not been taking my prescription medicines.
1638
1639I (22M) have now been taking my (22M) meds for 1 week and have gone back to normal. But now my (22M) (34F, 37F) refuse to talk to me (22M), (5F, 6F) aren’t allowed near me (22M) and my (22M) (15M, 18F, 58M, 56F, 24M, 12F, 50M, 47F, 7F, 12M, 79M, 81F/Deceased, 92M, 92F) refuse to put me (22M) back in the will ($14M after (50M gambling addiction)).
1640
1641I (22M) was unaware that I (22M) was a creep and therefore believe I (22M) should be freed from any punishments but my (34F, 37F) think that I (22M) am responsible for my (22M) actions. I (22M) believe this is ridiculous and that I (22M) didn’t know.
1642
1643So Reddit, am I (22M) or are (5F, 6F, 34F, 37F) and (15M, 18F, 58M, 56F, 24M, 12F, 50M, 47F, 7F, 12M, 79M, 81F/Deceased, 92M, 92F) absolutely bonkers?
1644======================================================================================================================================
1645
1646The wonders of r/yiff
1647
1648
1649My name is Benjamin Creed. I go to Cottinghan Junior public school, and I am in the 5th grade. I am 11 years old, I love browsing Reddit. My favourite subreddits are r/entitledparents, r/pewdiepiesubmissions, r/choosingbeggars and many more. One day I was browsing the dank memes comments to make sure no one is posting emojis (emojis are for Instagram normys) and I saw a few guys talking about the subreddit, “Yiff.” I was confused, as I had never heard of that subreddit. Naturally, I had an urge to click the link. My oh my, when I saw the abundance of furry porn, I didn’t know what to feel. My friends might make fun of me, and I wouldn’t sit with the cool kids and Sarah at lunchtime, but I realised I could clear history, so even my parents wouldn’t know. Every day I’d come back home from school, and there would be no one home (parents are divorced and my mom, Deborah is at work) and I’d beat my 3 inch long dong, showing it no mercy for the next 2 hours. I have developed an extreme fetish for scat, and I have expressed that unashamedly by defecating on cars, sidewalks and at the front doors of my neighbours. After doing this multiple times, I overheard both my mom and my dad discussing about sending me away, as I was behaving unusually. My mom blames it on my phone. She said “I’m taking away your phone because you seem to have gone insane because of it! You will also go see a priest afterwards.” I didn’t say anything, if she takes away my phone, I won’t be able to browse r/yiff again. Immediately when she reaches for my phone, I take a concealed pocket knife and jam it through the palm of her hand. She yelps in pain, runs out alongside with my father. 20 minutes later, the police arrive. I was jacking off to yiff, so I was pissed off. I grab my 50 cal and gun down the officers. Eventually, I run out of ammo and I am shot in the leg, and my vision fades to black. My execution is scheduled 3 months from now. I will yiff in hell.
1650======================================================================================================================================
1651
1652AITA for having sex with my cousin corpse, and then slaughtering my five 3-7 year old cousins with a katana after they witnessed it?
1653
1654
1655So I went to my cousins house in Alabama (Important later) it was really fun! One day I was just chillen when my 5 year old cousin told me, "Big sis isn't moving!" I went down stares to see my 16 year old cousin unconscious on the floor. She wasn't breathing but still had a pulse. I went down to preform cpr. But I then remembered I was in Alabama so I decided to in brace the culture, so I eloped with the corpse. I was having a good time, but then I saw my 5 younger cousins staring at me 3 of them were crying. I realized I couldn't have witness plus their crying was annoying. So I unsheathed my katana and brutally mutilated them. So, then I returned to the corpse and started again. after 5 hours their parents came home and caught me in the act the screamed, so to shut the up I pulled out my katana and sliced them(they didn't die) and Naruto ran away. I came back to my moms, and she said I am not welcomed here, and she is calling the police. I think my mom is acting totally unreasonable, what to you think? AITA
1656======================================================================================================================================
1657
1658If you dont masturbate with your legs over your head, you're not a real man.
1659
1660
1661I am the ultimate alpha male. I only climax for 1 of 2 reasons. I either climax for the purpose of reproduction with a beautiful woman (because that's the only kind of woman worthy of me) or I climax for the purpose of free protein. I need immense protein to maintain my ultimate alpha male body, and 4-5 cum loads a day is sufficient for me. It's not gay it its mine, but I wouldn't expect you pathetic beta males to understand. I bet you waste your seed into napkins, tissue, and tube socks. How sad, wasting all that protein. Wasting all those offspring. Its optimal for me to masturbate with my legs over my head so I can practice stretching before my workout while I obtain my protein. All the gym betas in the locker room just look away in disgust, but again, I wouldn't be offended by an asshole who only focus on vanity muscles. You beta losers better start acting like real men.
1662======================================================================================================================================
1663
1664Cummy-San! (You can replace the "Cummy" with anyone you want)
1665
1666
1667Gasps Cummy-San?! jump onto and hugs Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ I missed you sniffs () fuah I wove youw boy Cummy-San (w) , Huh? Don't sniff you? Don't be siwwy Cummy-San I wove you why can't I show my affection? (─‿‿─)♡ Hahaha youw face is wed. Woah Cummy-San why awe you pushing me on to the bed? ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ Kyaaaaa don't tickwe me Cummy-San haha countew ataaaaack pushes you down ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ. Hehehe I win! Cummy youw face is weawwy wed now, Hmmh smiwks (=-ω-=) pewhaps you'we fawwing in wove with me? Chuuuuu (ﾉ´ з )ノ kisses you Woah Cu-Cummy-San w-what awe you d-doing?! H-hyyaaaaa don't take off my panties! D-dont wook at my pwivate spot! (/▽＼) Ah Ah Don't wick me thewe it's diwty! Ahhhhhh fuah ah ah (//ω//) Cum-Cummy-san a-awe you going to put it in? O-ok i'm weady. (／。＼) Heeeee I-it huwts. (>\_<) SWow dwon ah ah MMMH C-Cummy-san I Wwve yoouuuuu! AHHHHHHH MMMHHH AH Hah Hah hah CU-CUMMY-SAN you baka why did you do it inside? ヽ(д´)ノ W-weww if it fewt good fow you i'm happy, b-but make suwe you take wesponsibiwity. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
1668======================================================================================================================================
1669
1670sex penis?
1671
1672
1673cockkkk yes oh yeasdss skskdksd dddd dd dd dd dd, sexy sex is what's sexy you sexy? no you are not haha eat ass fuck fuck fuck he rape dad rapeeee sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes sex i do not cry in the sea in your darkest no alarms what is i should give it 's holding often wanna its given i am gon is i do mine or i am gon is i do mine or put clear children see my hunger glad heading wears what really miss and let in this girl first us for our i ca try i ca fade mess the birds leave a lie hurt it know a little me powerless i feel if is done there tears all human its and get when do i feel into i feel float a little me a take creep a me nothing you what and it come you out is in it by door a we loudest on do like my i the he the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back in better your i the take do used the out informed is it too a love think flip do back again take it all give up truth that you ever heard the new lost a great what are coming ice who bribed you want the light through way every on talking a minute its let dream like to be a stick if me back and i have any ghost you are my mouth wide parting the nigger babies there ( oh make little while then him doing to do of houses and cut stepford no side hurt a foul broken do we do and hanging sea ) ah and they will disappear the new you ) hysterical it was dropped and we do and let a bunker laugh thinking with myself fucking daddy babies porn the door broken a great what the good enough sit its name wrong i do what 's all my dead up where we can you are talking oh maria your alarm flower way wears do surgery and yes
1674======================================================================================================================================
1675
1676Pro-Police, a Rebuttal
1677
1678
1679I crack my knuckles. With labored breath I bend my knees and plop heavily onto my computer chair, a cloud of Cheeto dust rising about me as my lardy ass hangs out of my pants.
1680
1681I lean in towards my computer screen. I toss aside a damp tissue that was left on my keyboard and start typing... “reddit.com”
1682
1683The front page opens... the harsh whiteness sears my bloodshot eyes. I squeal in displeasure but begin scrolling down the front page. My tummy grumbles... I look down and pick some moist lint out of my cavernous navel. The bodily crumb does not satisfy my hunger after I eat it.
1684
1685My lips are dry and cracked, with a shiny gleam of snot lining my moustache region, but I open my mouth wide to yell “MOTHER! Fix me some CHICKUN STRIPSS!” My hanging jowels vibrate under my chin as I bellow ravenously. Saliva showers the PC screen as I return to my web surfing. I quit yelling after I hear the woman upstairs turn on the oven to prepare my tendies. However, the physical exertion of yelling so hungrily caused me to shart my drawers. I sniff the air, but pay it no more mind.
1686
1687Lo, I inhale sharply as I see an unwelcome image on Reddit: a pro-police post.
1688
1689I feel a rumbling in my bowels... but not from chicken-hunger. No, no...
1690
1691I shake Doritos crumbs off of my mouse and prepare to enter a comment. Yellow sweat begins to stain the pits of my white Che Guevera shirt... my heart rate begins to rise as I think about police officers “being human” and “being imperfect and doing the best they can.” Utter FOOLISHNESS. A flawed, bourgeoisie dogma.
1692
1693I type furiously, possibly 35 WPM+ — as fast as my size 16 fingers will allow. I feel a bulge firming in my pants as I realize the brilliance of my superior intellect. I consider opening a... different... website as I viciously type, but put this desire aside in my pursuit of righting societal wrongs.
1694
1695After an amount of time, mother brings me my chicken strips. I scream with the unbridled veracity of a cow in childbirth as I notice she forgot my fucking honey mustard. She stumbles up the stairs and then back down with my sauce; I grunt in satisfaction and stop typing to refuel my engorged body for the arduous task that lies before me.
1696
1697I slam fucking chicken strips in my gaping mouth and gobble them down my gullet like an obese hyena scavenging in the Sahara. After finishing my meal, I let out a vicious belch and wipe my mustardy mouth on my shirt.
1698
1699I commence my message on the Reddit post:
1700
1701.....”ACAB.” I type. I post the comment and smirk. I feel earlier’s shart dripping down my leg and onto the carpet.
1702
1703My work is done. My thoughts turn to anime tits and I exit Reddit. I look towards my bed where my waifu pillow gazes back at me. I sigh and smile, slowly rising from my computer chair and waddling towards her.
1704
1705Sunshine beams in from my basement window onto the stained space on my bed beside her. All is well.
1706======================================================================================================================================
1707
1708local weeb buys some weed
1709
1710
1711h-hewwo...owunce of weed pwease >///< arigato... dealer-kun puts weedie-chan in bong and inhales waaah!! (╯✧▽✧)╯ daisuki cannabis desu~! (^ ω ^ )uwaaa! weedie-chan i feel so kimochi!!(〃°ω°〃) hehe~ ur deep inside me now x3 weedie-chans drug pussy is so good! (ﾉ´ з )ノ
1712======================================================================================================================================
1713
1714Christian father catches his son playing Fortnite
1715
1716
1717 Hello everyone, concerned Christian father here. Recently my 11 year old son downloaded the video game “Fortnite” after playing it at a friends house. While i didn’t mind at first, it soon began to affect his character. Within a week, he had taken up hard drugs and smoking. When asked to do his homework, he called me a “default” and did a strange dance. His grades have been dropping heavily since that day and whenever i refuse to give him my credit card he threatens me with violence. Yesterday I entered his room to witness him smoking a cigar and listening to extremely loud rave (sinner) music, he has dyed his hair blue and now refuses to go to bible study unless we “take the battle bus”. I don’t know what that is but he refuses to take any form of transportation except that. Please I am so concerned, what do I do?
1718======================================================================================================================================
1719
1720Dirty little birdie ?
1721
1722
1723I’m daddy’s little ? pidgeon ?. Every time ? daddy comes to the park I ? cluck ? cluck ? cluck ? until daddy gives me his ? crumbies ?. Yeah! Yeah! I flock hard for ?? daddy ??so he feeds me ? like the dirty little ? pidgeon I am ?. I fly straight ⬇️down⬇️ to daddy’s ? lap and beg and ? beg until he brings out his thick, hearty ? loaf. I love to chirp and bob my ? head until daddy ? puts all his ?? crumbies in my mouth ? and I ? swallow them all like the hungry little ? chicky I am ?. Send this to ten other ? dirty little ? birdies or you’ll never get ?? daddy’s white ?crumbies ever ??? again! If you get 0 back: no ?? crumbies for you ??! 3 back: you’re a dirty little ? bird too ?! 5 back: you’re ?? daddy’s little ? and you get his ? whole ? loaf ?
1724======================================================================================================================================
1725
1726Christian mother catches her son playing Fortnite
1727
1728
1729God bless you all for taking your time to read this.
1730
1731I recently found my son playing a video game called "Fortnite" I was doing housework while he was playing it in the living room. It seemed like a child friendly and educational game at first.
1732 The characters were in a bus and were presumably going to school.
1733
1734The next thing I know, they were shooting each other and performing satanic rituals over their corpses! The characters had what looked like blueprints and they'd use it to magically and satanicly build things to use as cover to protect themselves from the gun fire. I got worried so I did some research and what I found out was horrifying.
1735
1736This game is FREE so anyone can use it, and worst of all, I found out that their are multiple rituals you can choose to use?! The one my son always uses is called "Floss" and I can only image what kind of demon that's summoning.
1737
1738I'm worried that my son will one day find a gun and try this out, and then try to evoke evil spirits through means of "floss" or "orange justice"
1739This goes against the Lord.
1740
1741What can I do? I'm scared that if I take away the game, he might try preforming these things in real life and rebel. But if I don't take it away, he'll be felling into the hands of the devil! Please pray for my son!
1742
1743Romans 16:20
1744The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.
1745======================================================================================================================================
1746
1747Interesting ways to say dicks!
1748
1749
1750alright. I know some people will say to just call a dick a cock or a cock a dick, but doesn't that get so boring? I'm so tired of reading smut scenes that don't distract me with whatever outlandish names they've made up for their characters' meaty phone chargers, so! here's some alternatives to the bland words of "cock" and "dick" for your next smut:
1751
1752his beef sword battled for entrance
1753
1754his cello string vibrated as she continued her ministrations, playing his penis like a kazoo, or another string instrument, like a drum
1755
1756his baseball bat was ready for the home run
1757
1758his member stood at full attention, like a man in a meeting or at a wedding, about to make an objection
1759
1760his third leg got impossibly harder
1761
1762his birch tree was ready to bludgeon this entrance pleasure-fully
1763
1764his powerful noodle seemed to go back in time to before the tap was turned on, before the water was put in the pot, the fire was burning on the stove, and before the pinch of salt was sprinkled in the water beginning to boil
1765
1766her green pipe was ready for a-me, mario, and he just hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed with his luigi
1767
1768his inflatable was beginning to bulge, like a bouncy castle
1769
1770his stem was finally ready to blossom
1771
1772his cinnamon stick wavered in the air like a demented bat that didn't know how to fly, but goddamit was it going to get to full mast
1773
1774his french fry was nearly too hot to handle, leaking in white ketchup
1775
1776his middle finger in front of his ball knuckles got angrier as it continued to rise in anticipation and hot outrage
1777
1778his ruler was as long as a ruler. he'd checked beforehand, just to make sure. he knew math
1779
1780his twig became a tree
1781
1782the nose between his legs was ready to sneeze. it was going to be very snotty
1783
1784his balloon was ready for action, and was glad it wasn't facing a clown with a penchant for balloon animals
1785
1786I hope this was helpful!
1787======================================================================================================================================
1788
1789Meaningless existence
1790
1791
1792I saw a video of an ape using a frog as a masturbatory aid. At first I laughed, but then I got to thinking. If that poor animal never bred, it was the final link in a chain that stretches back to beginning of itself. Millions of years of struggle and hardship had lead up to this precise moment, to have a chimp force itself upon it and to be laughed at on the internet.
1793
1794I tried to get rid if the thought. After all, it was only a senseless beast and nature has always been brutal, feeling bad about it would accomplish nothing. Then my thoughts turned to my fellow humans. Many of them die and suffer everyday for just as foolish reasons as a chimp's sexual needs. Some have no other role in the world other than to be the face under the boot that stomps forever.
1795
1796There's no point to all this agony, it only exists because it exists, and that's how the world is built. This all leads up to the point where all of existence is swallowed by the void and everything that has ever had the semblance of significance is washed away.
1797======================================================================================================================================
1798
1799"Uh Oh Stinky" but it's an entire Shakespearean play
1800
1801
1802 UH OH STINKY
1803 A work by William Shakespeare.
1804
1805 ACT I. Scene I.
1806 The zoo. An orangutan enclosure.
1807
1808 Enter LE MONKE, a corpulent ape.
1809
1810 LE MONKE
1811 Oh bother, a foul smell!
1812 Fecal matter!
1813 Ha-ha-ha, hilarious, defecate material.
1814
1815 The ape laughs continuously. It screeches vociferously.
1816
1817 LE MONKE
1818 Hooray for excrement! Congenial fecal matter! Defecation is jocular, ha-ha!
1819 Fecal matter pertains to my satisfaction, ho-ho.
1820
1821 The maniacal creature continues to shriek vehemently in a nonsensical fashion.
1822
1823 LE MONKE
1824 Oh bother-- I believe, perchance, I may have created indurated excrement originating from my posterior.
1825
1826 The wretched creation begins to chortle ominously.
1827
1828 LE MONKE
1829 Fecal matter in my trousers... without undergarments! This is exhilarating.
1830 By the nine divines, my undergarments are stained with excrement. Ho-ho-ho.
1831 We yearn for fecal matter! We yearn for fecal matter!
1832
1833 Fecal matter.
1834
1835 Exeunt omnes.
1836 THE END.
1837======================================================================================================================================
1838
1839FORTNIKD BAD
1840
1841
1842HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH FORTNITE BAD! NOW, GIVE ME INTERNET POINTS BECAUSE I SAID THE FUNNY!! HAHAHHAAHAHAHHAIHFEIUSFHIUEFHI FORTNITE IS MADE BY EPIC, MORE LIKE NOT EPIC, MORE LIKE CRINGE!!!!! HGHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHA MINECRAFT GOOD!!! FORTNITE BAD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY THERE FAVORITE VIDEOS GAME IF ITS NOT MINECRAFT AND ITS FORTNITE!!! HAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHSAHYU KEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA LALALALALLLALLALALALA!! WHATS THAT I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT FORTNITE WAS ACTUALLY GOOD, NOW YOU WILL BE DOWNVOTED!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA IYDSHIFH SHIGUFS DIUHIUGFHDSIUGHS REDIT: THANK YOU FOR THE RAT KINDA STRANGER!!!! ED: OMG 1000000000000BILLION UPVOTES THANMK YOU EVERYONE NOW LETS SPAM r/FortNiteBR WITH MINECRAFT CUZ FORTNITE BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
1843======================================================================================================================================
1844
1845I spanked a Muslim with bacon
1846
1847
1848Well, I was shopping in Walmart the other day, (with the intent of buying all of their guns, bacon and American flags) when I spotted a Mooslem running frantically up and down through the aisles, and his name was Abdul-Mohammed-Jamal-Jabar-Steve-Jabar-Omar-Abdul. I was certain at any moment he would yell 'Allah Akbar'. Thankfully, my shopping cart was full of bacon (which as you all know, is Mooslem kryptonite). So I straightened my MAGA hat and pulled up my Confederate flag britches and grabbed a pack of bacon from my cart. I took that Mooslem over my knee and spanked his ass with the bacon while screaming 'Liberalism is a mental disorder!' over and over. Then, by the power of the bacon, Abdul-Mohammed-Jamal-Jabar-Steve-Jabar-Omar-Abdul instantly converted to Christianity and registered as a Republican. Trump showed up and awarded me the Medal of Honor because I probably stopped the next 9/11.
1849======================================================================================================================================
1850
1851LAUGH AT MY JOKE
1852
1853
1854I just did a funny.
1855
1856Laugh.
1857
1858Laugh at the fucking joke.
1859
1860Why aren't you laughing yet?
1861
1862Are you retarded, or something?
1863
1864I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING LAUGH!
1865
1866THAT WAS THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN COMEDY!
1867
1868THE EPITOME OF ORIGINALITY!
1869
1870I've worked years and years to get up to this point - yet, here you are, making a mockery out of me. Just exhale a little, at least! Let a little air out of your nose! That was hilarious as fuck! I just can't fucking TOLERATE people like you. Has a little pea-brain cunt like you ever subjected yourself to actual comedy? Do you have any sense of humour?! WELL, I'M GUESSING NOT, SINCE YOU DIDN'T ROLL ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF. I don't think you understand how long I've been saving this clever, hysterical and epic joke for. Coming up with that hilarity required rigorous training and cost me most of my brain cells! That was comedy gold. I bet you're a virgin, you cringeworthy normie. If you were a quarter of a normal human being, and had ANY sort of emotion, maybe you'd understand. But I guess not. I hope no one has to deal with your stupidity.
1871
1872It's too late to have any regrets now. I have 1000+ alt accounts, and I'm logging onto all of them, just to downvote you. What, you didn't think I came prepared?! Well, think again next time, dimwit. Maybe after all of this, you'll gain some sort of decency. This is a lesson in life, dickhead. Take it well, or the world will fuck you sideways.
1873======================================================================================================================================
1874
1875How to cum twice consecutively.
1876
1877
1878 Today I finally discovered how to cum twice consecutively. Usually after I cum once, I feel that I must take a break as my heart is pounding and my dick is throbbing. However, today I really fought to go even further beyond! After I came the first time, I realized that you do not actually feel tired or exhausted afterwards. What you are feeling is purely euphoria. Therefore, if I was not tired then I realized that I could still continue on. So, before I became half flaccid, I started to rub nipples and penis as I usually do. All of a sudden I felt exhilarated and vigorously continued to fuck myself. After a while, the feeling of euphoria inched its way up. That is when I slowed down a bit to savor the feeling and have complete command over when I would ejaculate, then I did. After ejaculating for the second time in a row, I did not feel the usual false feeling of exhaustion telling me to stop for a moment to calm down. NO! I felt something completely different! This feeling can be described as my mind being in another world as if I was on drugs. It was like i could do anything with this feeling, including going for a third ejaculation. Unfortunately I did not have the time to do so as this was originally supposed to be a quick session. That left me to deal with this surging feeling in my head, that had soon rushed throughout my body, to be dealt with another way. The only thing on my mind in that case was to lift weights and continue my school work, and with this feeling... I could accomplish these tasks tenfold! Even though I have now calmed down after several hours later to this time, I still recall the feeling after it being engraved in my mind. Next time, I will, and I know that I can, go for that third ejaculation in a row; then a fourth; then a fifth; and so on so that eventually I can tap into that exhilarating feeling without even having to jerk.
1879======================================================================================================================================
1880
1881What is Fortnite?
1882
1883Hi, concerned dad here. While browsing the web with my son, who is aged 9, i came across this ad for this fortnite,and my son started screaming "papa please download it is good game!!!!" After downloading it, i was immediatly flooded with ads and porn, and had to reinstall windows. After that though, i got the official download and my son started playing it. Soon, i started hearing strange voices coming from the monitor whenever i let him play. Some of the things they said was "Come the fuck over here and revive me you fucker!" I also heard little kids arguing with there parents and this one women accusing this guy of this thing called "rape". Whatever, I stray from the point. After awhile, he started doing these strange dances that perplexed be, and started calling me a "noobmaster69" and a "default". As a concerned parent, I do not know what to do, he has also started begging me for this "battlepass" and when i said no he started doing this dance called the floss and told me that I am not a good builder. Reddit, Does My son have a certain Behavorial issue? If so, where should i take him to check his behavior?
1884======================================================================================================================================
1885
1886What I want my dead body to go to.
1887
1888
1889When I die, I want my useful organs harvested for those who need them, but I guess the rest of my body would be best utilised by a necrophile cannibal.
1890
1891I mean, it actually sounds kinda hot. I can imagine my cold, surgically dissected corpse being furiously penetrated by the lucky guy to inherit my remains. His cock would thrust in and out of my abdominal incision, causing blood and guts to spill all over his kitchen table.
1892
1893He would then proceed to dip the dislodged corpse chunks into my cum covered mangled organ tissue, like dipping nachos in cheese and salsa, and savagely eat me until only bones remain. So hot lol
1894======================================================================================================================================
1895
1896*nibbles scrotum*
1897
1898
1899mmmm... yes... inspexts ur scrotum, gently caressing ur testicles in my warm hands yes these are nice, healthy little balls licks my lips, as i put my rubber gloves on mmmm... i think i am gonna have to have another look, there was a minor concern during my inspection takes your scrotum and pulls the skin tightly your scrotum skin is so soft and bouiyant i love how much i can stretch it my mouth starts to overflow and my large member becomes engorged in my pants oh my! i am a doctor i hope he didn’t see how turned on i am rn i think i am going to have to extract one of your balls madam i am quite sorry but your female penis has mighty fine balls and i need to remove it immediately i cut open your scrotum and grasp onto your ball and yank it out i promise this won’t hurt a bit puts a shot in ur butt shut your mouth i don’t wanna hear you complain i pop your testicle in my mouth and let it crunch in my teeth, it pops like a grape as your testes juice oozes in my mouth mmmm i reach for your other testicle as you slap my teeth away but i cannot let you keep it, i need a souvenir, i rape you with a knife and your ass keeps making a SCHLINKENEE sound as i fuck it passionately, i need to take your balls you dumb fucking bitch give me you large member. My knife member becomes harder than ever, i sit you down with the butcher knife still in your anus as you scream in pleasure and shock, and i rub your balls uwu, deliscious souvinir, i cut open your other testicle and begin reciting amazing grace as i fuck the insides of your testicle, madam it is so fine and healthy, or- uh- i mean uwu uh-
1900
1901its very bad I must extract it, i squeeze it into my mouth, my mouth waters, it tastes like a human childs head, moans softly as i extract your testicle i pop it out and twist it, you make a pleasurously sounding sound moaning and crying, mmm don't worry madam, i just need a few more twists it makes a scrunching sounds like a baby whining as i crack open its skull for stem cells. this is so good, or- uh- i mean unhealthy! mmmmm i pop it in my mouth and take another crunch, tastes so goooood. i must inspect your anal lining now i pull the knife harshly out of your butt, and i take a look inside, i stick my eyeball in and see a cucumber, which is defwinitwy not your feces, and i am defwinitwy not gonna eat it! i inspexts your anal lining gently extracting the feces , mmmmmm i love tube choco. i slurp up the diahharea. mmmm \*i gently nudge against your buldge, owo whats this you have taking a liking to my inspextion?
1902
1903i roughly cut off to tip of your female penis with the butcher knife now covered in blood and fecal matter, your teste juices ooze as the knife drops to the floor the tip of your female peen still hanging from your scrotum
1904
1905i munch on your tip with my sharp teeth that i made from bear teeth, i begin to exit the room slowly as i dexscribve my results of your anal inspexction to myself. mm yes so the patient has a small female vagina located on there female peen now because i messed up when cutting there scrotum off, i can't wait to come back and eat there anal lining! mmmm i walk back into the room and i am now prepared to taste your wet juicy choco plums
1906
1907i cut off the anal lining and i replace it with a bunch of needles, i push in the needles as you begin to scream pleasurably, mmmmm i love knitting whole holes, i suck on your anus as i begin fondling the hole on your penis where i cut off your tip, you start peeing and blood squirts everywhere, i take a sewing needle and push the thread through it, i begwin to sew
1908
1909uwu do you like this you sl\*t- or wait im a porfessional definitally i meant uhh, clut??\~? mmm gently pushes multiple needles into youws anus, i must extract your teeth now madam this is only going to take a few hours, i take a monkey wrench and bash out your f\*cking teeth harshly, mmm madam i love the way you scream as i break your jaw bone \*moans\*. i begin to extract your tongue with the blood covewed anus knwife f-from earlier uWU, i shove it down your throat and youw can swee the skin push outwards in your throat as i pull it towards the back end of your throat and *CHOP*, your tongue falls back into your throat and the knife is extracted by my disfugured peen, you begin puking out blood and screaming violently, uwu thats so sexy. i then begin to cut off both of your hands with my dirt covered 4 foot long toenails sharpened for anuses like yours uwu. i then tie you up against a scratchy d\*ldo covered wooden chair tightening the rope everytime you scream, you can no longew bweath uwu so sexy i love oxygen deprived libewals. i tie you to a weight and dispose of you in the local wiver, uwu. oh noes your floating instead of sinking, this is bad, the locals can heaw youw scweams!, i extract your body from the river and cut open your organs so they can't fill with oxygen and make you float forcing to to skink and drown, owo\~!
1910======================================================================================================================================
1911
1912Masturbation Issues
1913
1914
1915I've got a major problem.
1916
1917Every time I [19] take a shit, I have a relentless and uncontrollable urge to whip out my cock and bust a nut. Since I first discovered the joys of masturbation [13] I've wanked every single time I've had/needed a shit, without fail. It started as a way to pass the time as my fucked up bowels required me to sit on the shitter hours on end just to release a teeny tiny droplet. Every single day I would get home from school and think "God, I really need a fat shit right about now!", only to lock the bathroom door and tug out a fat one for several hours. Its gotten to a point where I don't even need porn anymore; all I have to do is sit down, shut my eyes and imagine Mandingo [44] ploughing a busty, Brazilian midget [25]. Sometimes I don't even have to shit, Hell I haven't shat in over 3 weeks, and even the faintest fart makes me harder than a diamond drill bit.
1918
1919I think its all to do with a subconscious relationship between shitting and wanking, however recently I've started to wonder if I could kill two birds with one stone by just 'trying' gay sex. I mean it would probably make me cum (but it wouldn't be gay because I'd keep my socks on) and it would also satisfy my need to have things go in and out of my puckering asshole. I'm not saying I want to be blacked or anything, just a casual thing with some of my bros if we've had one too many.
1920======================================================================================================================================
1921
1922It's hip to fuck dogs.
1923
1924
1925Why can't people have sex with their dog? If humans can train dogs to attack people (Police dogs), sniff out bombs, and provide emotional support to their owners why is it wrong to breed and/or train a dog to have sex with humans? Don't bore me with a dog can't consent to sex because no dog consents to ANYTHING humans do to it. Does a Police dog WANT to be trained to attack people? Does a dog consent to be a "working" dog for the DEA or FBI? Of course not. And also don't bore me with the fact that you find it morally offensive, I don't care. What I want is a good argument as to WHY we shouldn't breed dogs for sex when we breed them for practically everything else they do. Dogs are our "friends" because we breed them that way, human's did that NOT nature.
1926======================================================================================================================================
1927
1928I use my ball sack as a coin purse
1929
1930
1931Everybody was flexing on me, copping Gucci ski masks and Supreme branded socks and I just couldn't take it anymore.
1932
1933How can I beat them at their own game? This question repeated throughout my mind every night until I finally got the answer. Now, I've always found clothing to be a waste of money, why spend money when you can save it? Then I found my answer. I didn't want to spend my money on a wallet. Why would I when I already have a perfect sack between my legs? My ball sack.
1934
1935Now all of my change jingles while I walk down the street and when I have sex with my girlfriend you can hear the hundreds of dollars in coins slap against her. The perfect flex.
1936
1937Life has been great, all my friends that were flexing on me before don't want to talk to me because I'm "Weird" but they are probably just jealous. The only con to this method is getting the money out, and direct deposit only works during intercourse.
1938======================================================================================================================================
1939
1940The Mola Mola Fish is fucking useless
1941
1942
1943THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET , shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
1944======================================================================================================================================
1945
1946Fun Playtime with Daddy❤️
1947
1948
1949I ? likie ❤️? playing ??? with daddy ? daddy ?
1950
1951Jumping ? on him ?? make me ? happy! ?
1952
1953He ? kisses my foot ?? and sucksies ? my ? toesies ??
1954
1955He ? loves ❤️ doing whatever I ? wantsie ???!
1956
1957But ? today daddy ? make me maddy ???
1958
1959He says ?️ licking ? me makes him ? feel baddie ???
1960
1961So ? on his ? head ? I go stompie-stompie ???
1962
1963Make ? his balls ?? go bompie-bompie ???✊?
1964
1965I take out ?❓a water ?? tubbie ??
1966
1967Into it ?? goes ? a new ? puppy ?❤️?
1968
1969Daddy ? cannot ? breathe in his tankie
1970
1971Over ? his ? head ? I put my pantsies ? ??!
1972
1973Daddy ? starts coughing ??️?, he starts ❔to choke ??
1974
1975I ?? feel his ? nipples ? and ❗gropie- ❗grope ❗❗
1976
1977I ? go kickie ? on his chest ??
1978
1979Playing ? with daddie ? is the best ??
1980
1981Daddie ? then ❗goes to sleep ?
1982
1983When ? he wakes ⏰ he starts ❓to weep ?
1984
1985“Please ? forgive me ?" Daddy ? begs ❓
1986
1987I stomp ❗?❗on his headsie ?? instead!
1988
1989Daddy ? cries ??? and starts ? to cum ???
1990
1991I tickle him ??, its muchie ? fun ?!
1992
1993Now ? it's getting ? very ? late ?
1994
1995I ? give daddy ?? a little ? rape ?????
1996
1997It is time ? to go ?to sleep ??
1998
1999Daddy ? had no ?? food ??to eat! ???
2000
2001I ride ?? on him ? towards my bed ??
2002
2003He ? licks me ? so that he's well fed ?
2004
2005I think ? I'll have ? sweetsie ? dreams ??
2006
2007Hearing ??little ? daddy ?? scream! ??❗
2008
2009???~Good nightsie, daddie~ ???
2010======================================================================================================================================