· 9 years ago · Dec 12, 2016, 04:22 AM
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16 | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
17 | |________________________________________________________________| |
18 |____________________________________________________________________|
19
20 ...presents...
21
22 The cDc #200 Higgledy-Piggledy-Big-Fat-Henacious-Mega-Mackadocious
23 You-Can't-Even-Come-Close-So-Jump-Back-K-B00MIDY-B00MIDY-B00M File
24
25 by Swamp Ratte'
26
27 >>> a cDc publication.......1992 <<<
28 -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
29 ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____
30 |____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____|
31
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33]PR#6
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36BUNNY F00-F00'S AE DISK
37
38]CATALOG
39
40C1982 DSR C#254
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42*A 002 HELLO
43 B 135 AE
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45 B 070 INSTALL
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48 T 002 AE.WELCOME
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50
51]BRUNAE
52
53
54 ASCII EXPRESS "The Professional"
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64CONNECT 2400
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67 __ __ Heads up! It's:
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71 \/
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82 !! ! !! !! ! !!! !!!! !! ! ! !!! ! !!
83 ! : ! ! !! ! ! ! ! !! !
84 : : ! : : ! :
85 : : * ELYTE *
86
87 H0uRz: all of ETERNITY!
88 M00HAHAHA!
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90 A Greater Cleveland Area Pirates' Guild WaReZzH0uSe!(TM)
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96 Sysop: Lil' Bunny F00-F00
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98 "i've got em all!!!1!!"
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101
102Enter number or name or NUP
103Name :Bunny F00-F00
104Pwrd :66666666666
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106Enter remote sysop pass: 6666
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108Checking... OK
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110Welcome to VIRTUAL HELL ELYTE!
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112You are caller #12838, call #8 for today.
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115Auto message by: Hungry Hungry Hippo #112 (98 lines)
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117 My hard drive is soooo big, her le
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120Name : Bunny F00-F00 #1
121Time Allowed On: 99E99
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123Sysop Is : ONLINE-REMOTE
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125You have 3 letters! Read them now? Yep
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130[Numb] 01/03 [Date] 12/24/92
131[From] Lord Digital #26 [Subj] HEYSYS0PIMUSTWARNU!
132
133W0W, ELYTENESS, 1 M JUST 0VERWHELMED BY THE T0TAL ELYTENE$$ 0F 1T ALL.
134N-E-WAY, 1 HAVE COME AS A SAVIOR TO YOU. *I* AM THE BRIGHT WHITE KNIGHT THAT
135WILL CAST DOWN BIG DADDY, TV, POWER COMPUTER AND FREE HUMANITY FROM THE BONDS
136THAT HOLD IT TO THESE MANIPULATIVE FASCIST FORCES THAT EXIST BOTH WITHIN THE
137MIND AND WITHIN THE HEART.
138
139I AM NOT THE LEX LUTHOR ON HBO
140I AM NOT THE LEX LUTHOR ON T-SHIRTS
141
142I AM YOUR GUIDE INTO *ELITENESS*. AS MOSES LED *YOUR* AND *JOHN MARKOFF AND
143KATIE HAFNER'S* 4FATHERS OUT OF EGYPT IN2 THE PROMISED LAND OR AS GANDALF LEAD
144MIDDLE-EARTH OUT OF THE HANDS OF EVIL SAURON (4 U WHO MAY NOT HAVE BEEN
145EDUCATED IN YOUR HERITAGE BUT RATHER IN THE THEN CURRENT HIP CULTURAL
146ELITENESS), *I* SHALL MYSELF VANQUISH THESE EVIL MENACES TO EARTH, AND THE
147GALAXY AND UNIVERSE AT LARGE. THE BRIGHT SHINING WHITE OF MY ELITENESS IS FAR
148MORE POWERFUL THEN THE "KNOCK DOWN THOSE WHO THINK WHO THINK THEY KNOW
149EVERYTHING MENTALITY" OF MOD. NO, MY ELITENESS IS SO ELITE THAT EVEN I MYSELF
150ALMOST BECOME FRIGHTENED OF IT, AS IF MY BODY WAS SIMPLY A VESSEL OF MY
151ELITENESS THAT COULD EASILY BE DISPOSED OF BY THE SAID-ELITE AT ANY GIVEN
152MOMENT.
153
154YES, THE LAME MAY FEEL THE EVER-ENCROACHING FEAR OF BIG DADDY, TV AND THE POWER
155COMPUTER COMING DOWN UPON THEIR L0ZER HEADS BUT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE EVEN
156GR8ER FEARZZZ OF THE *TRUE* ELITE, WHOSE ELITENESS IS SUCH A POWERFUL FORCE
157THAT THEY ARE BARELY IN CONTROL OF THEIR OWN MINDZZZ AND/OR BODIEZZZ. AT LEAST
158YOU CAN FIGHT POWER, AS I SEE THAT FOR THE GOOD OF THE WOLRD I MUST SACRIFISE
159MYSELF SO THE UNENLIGHTENED SHEEP OF THE WORLD CAN GO ABOUT LIVING THEIR
160PEACEFUL LIVES.
161
162I COULD HAVE BEEN A GR8 MAN! YET, INSTEAD I CH0ZE 2 HUMILY GIVE IT ALL UP.
163SOMETIMES I ASK, "ELI, ELI, LEMMA SABANCHINTICITI !?!@?#?!@?#?@!?#?!#!@?!?@"
164(FOR NON-Y1DD1SH SCH0LARZZZ THAT MEANZ "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU 4SAKEN
165ME!!@?#?!@?@?!?#@!?@?!" BUT I AM NOT MEANING 2 IMPLY ANY STUD MUFFINZ BY THIS,
166& NO NOT YOU, YOU EGOTISTYCALSWIN3ZZZ)
167
168BUT I HAVE TANGENTIALLY BEGUN BURDENING YOU WITH MY 0WN DARK PHATE. I HAVE
169C0ME 2 WARN U OF A DISTURBANCE IN THE PH0RCE. I PHEEL U WILL BE CONTACTED
170SHORTLY BY ELYT3 P0WERZ U MAY NOT COMPREHEND!! BE ALERTIEZ!!!!
171U HAF BEEN WARNED!
172
173L0rd D!g1tal
174KooL-RaD ALLIANCE!
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177[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :A
178
179<< Auto Reply to Lord Digital #26 >>
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181Title: You suck.
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184[---=----=----=----=----=----=----=----]----=----=----=----=----=----=----=---]
185Get lost, r0dent. Bah hum-bug!
186
187 Bunny F00-F00!
188 Sysop of Virutal Hell ELYTE!
189 Ask me about cool macros!
190/es
191
192Saving...Reply sent to Lord Digital #26
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197[Numb] 02/03 [Date] 12/24/92
198[From] Swamp Ratte' #102 [Subj] djaf0jajkfj!
199
200Hey - I uploaded some new not-yet-finished t-files. I'd appreciate it if you'd
201take a look at 'em and lemme know whatcha think.
202
203Thanks,
204S. Ratte'/cDc
205xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
206
207[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :A
208
209<< Auto Reply to Swamp Ratte' #102 >>
210
211Title: You suck.
212Enter message now, max 4k.
213Enter '/HELP' for help.
214[---=----=----=----=----=----=----=----]----=----=----=----=----=----=----=---]
215What are you doing, putting your stupid files on my hard drive? There could be
216warez there, you shit! Fuck off.
217
218Ok, *maybe* I'll look at 'em first... and THEN I will trash them.
219
220Remind me to delete you.
221
222 Bunny F00-F00!
223 Sysop of Virutal Hell ELYTE!
224 Ask me about cool macros!
225/es
226
227Saving...Reply sent to Swamp Ratte' #102
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232[Numb] 03/03 [Date] 12/24/92
233[From] The Grim Eggbert #158 [Subj] BS/2
234
235Hi there. Allow me to introduce myself. I was featured in the documentary
236t-file "The History of Real K-K00L DOODS" (by The Edge) as a troubled
237adolescent with some real serious problems. However, with a lot of self-
238induced shock therapy I've mended my ways. There's nothing like having your
239every character flaw pointed out in excruciating detail to make you step back
240and say "Eggbert, you need a change."
241
242Fortunately, those kind, wonderful folks in cDc SAVED MY LIFE! They took me
243under their wing and taught me that with a lot of hard work and cash donations
244to their group, I can be a meaningful person! They're also teaching me how to
245be elite! Once a week they give me a "s00per sekrut mission" which usually
246involves the acquisition of hi-tech equipment to further their wonderful plans
247they have for the future of us all. They can't tell me these plans, you
248understand, as I am but a cDc/WorkerDrone in the K-K0W F0RCE! and do not need
249such information. When I succeed in returning back to my base with my job
250completed they lavish me with praise and Hostess Fruit Pies like no mere
251natural parent can! When I fail (c0w forbid!), they beat me severely and make
252me wear women's evening gowns. I hate the humiliation. But I deserve it
253because it's the only way I will learn to be elite. Daddy? Stop it. I love
254you too, cDc. Please don't hit me again. Twinkie? They're having me do a
255suicide run on a central office next week so I may not be able to call back.
256Where's Mommy? Another part of my work for cDc is programming this new
257operating system called BS/2. Thank you sir, may I have another? I feel so
258groggy, and it's getting hard to see. They haven't fed me in a few days. I
259am K-K0W F0RCE! and I can handle it! I'll kill them all. Daddy? I love cDc
260with all my heart. What was I saying? The horror... oh my. I'm going to put
261the info file for BS/2 next in my message so you can see how elite I'm becoming
262and be proud of me too.
263
264Here it is:
265------------
266
267 cDc introduces the most VIOLENT operating system ever!
268
269 Welcome to a new era. Welcome to the next generation in operating systems:
270
271 BS/2
272
273You're in a hurry, so you want PCs to respond faster. You do many things at
274once and wish your PCs could too. You want software that's more powerful, but
275also easier to use. You'd like more color. You're eager for your systems to
276communicate with other systems. You want improved reliability. And you want
277all this without obsoleting your investment in equipment, software and
278training.
279
280 Well TOO BAD! STOP WHINING!
281
282cDc brings you B0VINE SYSTEM/2, the fastest and most gut-wrenchingly powerful
283operating system ever!
284
285EUNUCHS, PMS, Mac System x, AmigaDOS, Windoze NT, etc... don't even think
286about it! Give it up and GO HOME! We scoff! HA! All other operating systems
287cower and DELETE THEMSELVES due to their incredible relative lameness! Check
288it out!
289
290 Real multitasking! Hundreds... even thousands of processes all running
291 simultaneously in a non-stop BATTLE to the DEATH! The eventual winner
292 burns itself into an EPROM and REIGNS FOREVER!!
293
294 Over 500,000 levels of HIERARCHAL FILESYSTEM to be explored, complete with
295 hundreds of SECRET INVISIBLE FILES!!
296
297 An astounding 3-D GUI! Windows HURTLE open at BLINDING speeds to display
298 cracked glass, piles of oozing gore, and UGLY HAGS who glare at users
299 with the EVIL EYE! The GUI also features a mouse pointer shaped like a
300 BLOODY KNIFE! The scroll bars are covered with MYSTICAL RUNES! Every
301 file has TEN ICONS... but NINE of them are DEADLY TRAPS!!
302
303 AUTOMATIC DISEASE SIMULATION! Every week, BS/2 will create a new
304 VIRUS to PLAGUE your valuable files! Each new virus is MORE POWERFUL than
305 the last! Don't slack off... with BS/2, DOOM lurks around EVERY CORNER!
306
307 Virtual reality? OLD NEWS! BS/2 creates REAL reality with HIGH-SPEED
308 SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES that ATTACK and DEVOUR the very MIND of the user!
309 The world of BS/2 will become your world too... AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!
310
311------------
312Well, do you like it? Does it make you happy? It makes me very very happy.
313But only if cDc is happy!! I want to be good. Would you like me to upload the
314beta version? Please?!
315
316Sincerely,
317Eggbert
318
319P.S. What state am I in? What year is it?
320Help me
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322
323[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :A
324
325<< Auto Reply to The Grim Eggbert #158 >>
326
327Title: BS/2, huh?
328Enter message now, max 4k.
329Enter '/HELP' for help.
330[---=----=----=----=----=----=----=----]----=----=----=----=----=----=----=---]
331Sounds cool, upload it!
332What was all that other blathering about? I skimmed it, I don't like long
333messages. Doesn't matter, just put up the file!
334
335 Bunny F00-F00!
336 Sysop of Virutal Hell ELYTE!
337 Ask me about cool macros!
338/es
339
340Saving...Reply sent to The Grim Eggbert #158
341
342Delete mail now? Yes'm
343
344[T:--][VHE:Main] :T
345
346[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :N
347
348<< New-Scan All >>
349
350<< 3 New Uploads to 1-New Uploads >>
351
352001. GRADSCHL.TXT :: Grad School and Automatic Weapons
353Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
354
355002. MONEYGRP.TXT :: Money-Grip Box
356Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
357
358003. COWBEAT2.TXT :: Cow Beat Issue #2
359Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
360
361004. ENCBROWN.TXT :: Encyclopedia Brown Does It Again!
362Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
363
364005. IRCMANUA.TXT :: IRC Manual For Love
365Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
366
367006. KRADTHIN.TXT :: It's a K-Rad Thing
368Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
369
370007. LIVEHOHO.TXT :: Live From XmasCon 1991
371Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
372
373008. PROPACDC.TXT :: cDc Propaganda
374Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
375
376009. REALPI93.TXT :: Real Pirates 1993
377Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
378
379010. SUBURBAN.TXT :: Suburban Fascist Regime
380Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
381
382011. TDETHCDC.TXT :: For a Moment He Smiled
383Uploaded by: Swamp Ratte' #102 on 12/24/92
384
385<< New-Scan Complete>>
386
387[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :V
388
389[File to view] :gradschl.txt
390
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392
393Subject: Grad school and automatic weapons
394Date: 3 Nov 92 19:22:13 GMT
395
396Geek and weapons humor ripped off from DESPERADO.
397
398 It's common knowledge that whenever you get two or more CS grad students
399together, the conversation will inevitably drift to the same topic: automatic
400weapons. Lately, we've noticed that whenever we attend a CS party, picnic, or
401bull session, we always hear the same questions and discussions, usually from
402the younger grad students:
403
404 "I want to mount an M60 in front of the sun roof of my Tercel, but
405 the mounting bracket wasn't drilled for import cars. How did Josh
406 Bloch do his?"
407
408 "Some of my friends at the MIT AI Lab don't like M203's because the
409 grenade launcher adds too much weight, but I wouldn't have gotten
410 out of IJCAI-85 in one piece if it hadn't been for those 40mm flechette
411 rounds. What do you think?"
412
413 "Do you have to be a god-damned tenured professor to get teflon rounds
414 at this place?"
415
416 "Does the 'reasonable person principle' cover hosing down a member
417 of the Soar project after he's used the phrase 'cognitively plausible'
418 for the fifteenth time in a 20 minute conference talk?"
419
420 "Where *did* Prof. Vrsalovic get that Kalashnikov AK-47?"
421
422 "I used to use Dri-Slide to lube my M16. How come my advisor says
423 Dri-Slide is for momma's boys and Stanford profs?"
424
425 "Does the way Jon Webb keeps flicking the safety of his Mac-10 on
426 and off at thesis defenses make you nervous, too?"
427
428 In short, there is a lot of concern in this department for the proper
429care, handling and etiquette of automatic weapons. So as a service to the
430department, we are starting a two week daily series on "The Care and Handling
431of Your M16A1." Every day for the next two weeks, we will post on the wall
432outside our office the day's helpful hint on care and maintenance of that good
433old departmental standby: the M16A1. Our thanks to the US Army, whose
434training manuals we have shamelessly cribbed for material.
435
436 We would like to encourage other knowledgeable members of the CS community
437to share their expertise in a similar fashion. There is a real need for this
438kind of dialogue in the department. The new students come in here every fall,
439and are totally unequipped to handle the realities of graduate student life at
440CMU. Computability theory and lexical scoping are fine things to know about,
441but they just don't cut the mustard when somebody from the Psych department
442opens up on you with an Ingram set to full auto.
443
444 -the friendly automatic weapons enthusiasts of SkyCave1,
445 Olin, Derek, and Allan
446
447Date: Tue, 26 May 87 09:55:15 PDT
448From: jkhBERKELEY.EDU
449Subject: Supporting one's opinion with sustained fully automatic weapons fire.
450
451 I had recent occasion to view your Presentation Announcement on care and
452feeding of automatic weapons during lecture hall. I found it most amusing. I
453would very much like to see and/or contribute future material.
454
455 We have similar problems here at Berkeley, though it has been difficult
456to wean our students away from more the more mundane assortment of Browning
457Hi-Power's, Beretta 92SBF's and Sig-Sauer P226's. The 9mm clique is pretty
458strong here, and the young grad students fairly parsimonious. They tend to
459balk at the idea of spending enough money on ammo to make full auto firefights
460practical. Lately, they've taken to sniping at each other from the Campanille
461tower and engaging in loose hit-and-run guerrilla tactics during finals. This
462is obviously not the American Way and needs to be changed. While I've been
463able to slowly wean them into more progressive arms (such as the Beretta 93R
464and an occasional mini-uzi), I still can't seem to get past the supply problem.
465My questions are:
466
467 "Do you buy your ammo in bulk, or do appointed individuals do shifts on a
468 progressive reloader?"
469
470 "Does the school pay for this?"
471
472 Thank you.
473
474 Sincerely,
475
476 J. H.
477 U.C. Berkeley
478
47927-May-87 02:16 OS@hi.cs.cmu.edu
480My reply to J. H. of UC Berkeley:
481- - - - -----
482J. H. -
483
484 Thank you for your letter. It was certainly interesting to hear of
485conditions out on the West Coast. What can I tell you about the situation here
486at CMU? I'm really glad I came to CMU. The faculty is absolutely first rate,
487and they all take pride in their weapons skills. We are admittedly a pretty
488opinionated bunch, which provides for many interesting interchanges within the
489community. I, for instance, think the long barrel .44 Automag is more of a
490fashion statement than a weapon, though you won't catch me saying that within
491earshot of Prof. Fahlman. If you catch my drift.
492
493 I am very fond of Berkeley. I think that while LA represents the dark,
494twisted climb-the-water-tower-and-start-shooting-until-the-Marines-settle-it
495side of California weirdness, Berkeley represents the very best of the pure,
496innocent-killer side of it all. The first weekend I ever spent in Berkeley
497was in the summer of 1983. I was sitting down at one of those really
498delightful cafes you have out there. To my left some old man was drinking
499cappucino and practicing Chinese calligraphy; down the street some
500undergraduates were engaged in a running firefight. I was taking it all in,
501thinking that Berkeleians have remembered something about living well that the
502rest of America seems to have forgotten; when this kid's stray .223 slug
503shattered my glass of pomegranate soda. "Crazy undergraduates" I remember
504chuckling to myself as I put the safety back on my Hi-Power and returned it
505to its holster.
506
507 It seems a shame that ammunition is so hard to come by out there, though.
508We are quite spoiled here at CMU. The departmental attitude towards logistical
509support really crystallized for me in September of my first year. One of the
510incoming first-year hot-shots had taken out Prof. Felton with a head shot from
511500 yards. We were all really impressed, and I think it was generally agreed
512that Felton couldn't have asked for a more painless, appropriate end. It was a
513beautiful, almost poetic way to cap what had been a textbook career of
514brilliant, original mathematical insights punctuated with outbursts of random,
515deeply unhinged violence.
516
517 You've probably heard of Felton (National Academy of Science, IEEE Past
518President, NRA sustaining member). My advisor told me later that Felton's
519academic peak had come at that now-infamous 1982 Symposium on Data Encryption,
520when he presented the plaintext of the encrypted challenge message that Rob
521Merkin had published earlier that year using his "phonebooth packing" trap-door
522algorithm. According to my advisor, Felton wordlessly walked up to the
523chalkboard, wrote down the plaintext, cranked out the multiplies and modulus
524operations by hand, and wrote down the result, which was obviously identical to
525the encrypted text Merkin had published in CACM. Then, still without saying a
526word, he tossed the chalk over his shoulder, spun around, drew and put a 158
527grain semi-wadcutter right between Merkin's eyes. As the echoes from the shot
528reverberated through the room, he stood there, smoke drifting from the muzzle
529of his .357 Magnum, and uttered the first words of the entire presentation:
530"Any questions?" There was a moment of stunned silence, then the entire
531conference hall erupted in wild applause. God, I wish I'd been there.
532
533 But I digress. At Felton's funeral, our departmental chairman delivered
534the eulogy. I'll never forget his summation: "Poor Felton. Published and
535published, yet perished just the same." And that's the attitude that the
536professors take here. As my advisor said: "The tragedy of Galois is that he
537could have contributed so much more to mathematics if he'd only spent more
538time on his marksmanship." The professors at CMU aren't in the business of
539turning out effete researchers, aimed at the big industrial labs. They are
540interested in training *real* academicians, suitably prepared for life in the
541jungle of university-level computer science. And that means time spent
542practicing our teaching skills and weapons handling *as well as* making
543fundamental research contributions to the field.
544
545 -Olin
546
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554
555
556 It came to me suddenly one night... in a Taco Bell... the festering
557remains of a beef burrito sulking in my stomach... the concept for the
558ULTIMATE box... yes, the
559
560 $$$$$$ MONEY-GRIP BOX $$$$$$
561
562 (transcribed from a Mexican-food induced vision by)
563
564 ..oooOO Count Zero OOooo.. *cDc* -=RDT
565
566 ** special thanks to Kingpin, for good karma **
567
568 Think about it. Every "box" ever invented was based pretty much on the
569same premise: how to get SOMETHING for NOTHING. In other words, to RIP OFF.
570Well, taking this concept to its logical conclusion, we end up with a "box"
571that simply CREATES MONEY. Yes, CASH wherever you need it. Not JUST for phone
572calls, but for pizza, cigs, laptops, v.fast modems, parking meter fares, YOU
573NAME IT. YOU DECIDE. The box... PROVIDES.
574
575 Of course, the electronics required to build this wonder have not been
576invented yet, but I will try to explain. First off, the box must of course be
577green. But not just ANY color of green. It must be MONEY GREEN. Maybe even a
578picture of George Washington on the back. As for buttons, there will be just
579ONE. A BIG, GOLD button in the center of the box... labeled "CASH." And when
580pressed, the sound of cash registers will emanate from the unit - "Ka-CHING!"
581
582 I believe the main circuit should be a rectifier... to rectify the
583situation in YOUR FAVOR. Many capacitors (the green, electrolytic type) are to
584be arranged in a pattern on the PCB as such:
585
586 -|C- -|C-
587 -|C- -|C-
588 -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C-
589 -|C- -|C- -|C-
590 -|C- -|C- -|C-
591 -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C-
592 -|C- -|C- -|C-
593 -|C- -|C- -|C-
594 -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C-
595 -|C- -|C-
596 -|C- -|C-
597
598 Using a typical OP-AMP, you should be able to wire these caps to allow you
599to amplify your NEED for CASH. Of course, be sure the entire circuit is
600properly grounded. Otherwise, hundreds of dollars could be sent RUSHING
601through your body by accident.
602
603 After combining the rectifier, capacitors, OP-AMP, and proper grounding
604wires, you must 'baptize' the PCB with human blood. Find a small child, take
605him out to Chuck-e-Cheeze, and when he's not looking, drain a few pints. Pour
606the blood over the entire circuit. Take his lunch money while you're at it.
607
608 Next, you need an IC... but not just ANY IC... you need a chip of the
609future... a FHSIC chip (Fucking Huge Scale Integrated Circuit). I can't tell
610you exactly the specs on this baby, since my vision was interrupted at this
611point by a hearty black-olive-flavored belch, thereby jerking me out of my
612divine insight. I'll get back to you all on this one.
613
614 Once you get the FHSIC, just slap it in the box on top of the PCB. It's
615an INTELLIGENT chip, so ya don't have to worry about pinouts and all that crap.
616 t'll know how to connect itself.
617
618 As for POWER SUPPLY, there's an ironic twist here. Note the following
619equations:
620
621 Time = Money
622 Money = Power
623
624 Ergo, Time = Power!
625
626 (Note: all units are metric)
627
628 Since MONEY is POWER, and TIME is MONEY, well, the box will drain power
629from the TIME CONTINUUM itself... and the translation of that TIME into MONEY
630will be seamless. Equations don't lie.
631
632 Add the solid gold button (SPST switch) and a speaker (for the
633"Ka-CHING"). Close the box, and secure it all with generous portions of CLEAR
634EPOXY. Use GOBS.
635
636 NOW.the fun part... go to a payphone... place a direct call to Guam. When
637the operator asks for money; close your eyes, push the gold button and chant,
638"Mo' money, MO' MONEY, Mo' money". Concentrate on your NEED for $$ (coupling
639to the OP-AMP circuit) and you will suddenly hear the "Ka-CHING" and smell
640burning flesh.
641
642 Hovering six inches in front of your face should now be EXACTLY the amount
643of $$ you need (in the proper denominations, of course) to complete your call.
644
645 Do this same procedure in ALL circumstances where you need money. Just be
646sure to be out of sight (the appearance of floating cash tends to freak out
647ordinary people). The box will ALWAYS generate EXACTLY the amount you need.
648If you happen to get MORE money than you THINK you need, you were WRONG. The
649box, since it gets its power from TIME, can predict the future to an extent...
650and may generate $$ that you will need in the NEAR FUTURE *as well* as the $$
651you need immediately. Do not be afraid. The box knows!
652
653 That's about it. Future plans for foreign currency are bouncing in my
654head:
655 Germany - "Der MoneyGrip Box"
656 France - "Le MoneyGrip Box"
657
658And so on....
659
660 Now, BUILD IT... and bask in your glory. Ta-dah.
661
662 ..oooOO Count Zero OOooo.. *cDc* -=RDT
663
664-EOF
665
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673
674 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
675 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
676
677 ___
678 / \ ____
679 /\/ \___ _____/ \_____
680 | ______ \_/\/\___ /\_ / _____ \ /\/\/\_____
681 /\/ / / \__/ \/ | \ \___/ \
682 / | | _ \ _\|/_ |_____/ _ _|_ /
683 \__ | | / \ \ /\ / /|\ | \ /_\ /\ | \
684 \ \_\_______ \_/ \/ \/ ___ |______/ \_ \/| | /
685 \/\_ _ /\ /\___/ \ _ /\ /\ _/
686 \_/ \ /\ /\__/ \ /\/ \/\/\/ \ / \/\_/ \/
687 \/ \/ \/ \____/
688
689
690 No. 2
691
692COW BEAT is published now and then by cDc communications, PO Box 53011,
693Lubbock, TX 79453. Copyright(c) 1992 by cDc communications. All rights
694reserved. Title COW BEAT and the distinctive "Bob the Cow" logo are ours, and
695we'll bust everyone's head who doesn't like them. All rights to letters sent
696to COW BEAT will be treated as unconditionally assigned for publication and
697copyright purposes and as subject to COW BEAT's right to edit and to comment
698editorially. Any similarity between persons and places in COW BEAT and any
699real persons and places is purely coincidental. COW BEAT's comments on
700pictures, people, trademarks and/or copyrighted material are only its opinion
701based solely on those facts disclosed. COW BEAT's use of such items is not
702authorized by the persons named and/or depicted by the trademark or copyright
703owners, and no such authorization should be inferred. All nude models are 12
704or older.
705
706 Editor: Swamp Ratte'
707
708
709 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
710
711
712Letters to COW BEAT!
713
714
715Send us letters! Send us short stories! Send us pictures! Send us money!
716Send us consumer electronics! Send us music! Send send send!
717
718MAIL -
719
720HEY COW BEAT!
721 I just wanted to write and tell you and your readers about cool, talented
722and sweet Omega. Today in the mail I got a letter from Omega and a real
723autograph! I just wanted to tell you that cute Omega cares!!
724 Omega fan in New York
725
726Dear Omega Fan,
727 Lucky you! Omega reportedly gets some 2000 letters a week from
728devoted fans. He must have to stay up nights just to respond to some of them!
729Talk about writer's cramp! Thanks for writing in so we could share this with
730our readers - boy, will they envy you!
731
732--
733
734DEAR COW BEAT,
735 Hi! I am 12 years old and my name is Nicole. I love your mag. COW BEAT
736is so informative! There is one thing I would like to know. What is Lady
737Carolin going to do now that she's written "Earth Goo?" Will she write
738more files?
739 Nicole S.
740 Colorado Springs, CO
741
742Dear Nicole,
743 Now that she's finished "Earth Goo" and her files have spread far and
744wide across the planet, Lady Carolin has been doing what any superstar who's
745just completed such a file would do - rest! Even while resting, Lady Carolin
746has been thinking about new files and you'll get to read her new material which
747is due out sometime in 1993!
748
749--
750
751DEAR COW BEAT,
752 I have dandruff in my eyebrows. I've tried dandruff shampoos, but they
753haven't worked. How can I handle this?
754 Jennifer T.
755 San Diego, CA
756
757Dear Jennifer,
758 What you're looking for is SANDPAPER. 'nuff said.
759
760--
761
762DEAR COW BEAT,
763 I love Tequila Willy so, so, so much! To give you a brief idea of my
764feelings - I had a special sweatshirt made with Willsie's name on it, I created
765my own Willsie earrings and every time I make pancakes, they spell out Tequila
766Willy! My teacher even calls me Willsie! I hope someday I can meet Tequila
767Willy and the rest of the Willsie family.
768 Debbie K.
769 Glendale, AZ
770
771Dear Debbie,
772 Great! That's the spirit! Now, build a shrine.
773
774--
775
776DEAR COW BEAT,
777 I'm a 28-year-old guy, and recently I have begun stealing birth control
778pills and eating them. They give me the weirdest feeling. I'm beginning to
779think I'm addicted. Is there something wrong with me?
780 Todd S.
781 Terra Haute, IN
782
783Dear Todd,
784 Man, that's pretty creepy. Maybe you shouldn't be eating those things?!
785Yeesh....
786
787--
788
789DEAR COW BEAT,
790 I go wild whenever I see cDc files and this drives my family crazy! One
791time, my mom caught me kissing printouts of your files; I was mortified! I
792thought my face would be permanently red! Remember that I love all of you and
793please, please, please come to Topeka soon!
794 Kimberly H.
795 Topeka, KA
796
797Dear Kimberly,
798 A dozen of us are planning a visit soon, and we'll be staying at YOUR
799house! Love ya, babe! xoxoxo
800
801--
802
803DEAR COW BEAT,
804 I'm in the 7th grade and there's this guy at school I like and he seems to
805like me too, but once he said he didn't. My friends say that he really does
806like me, but that he's too shy to admit it. I would at least like to be able
807to talk to him like I do all my other friends. My problem is that i'm too shy
808around him and I cant seem to start up a conversation with him to give our
809friendship a chance. How can I start a conversation without being so nervous
810and shy? This way, we could start some sort of relationship.
811 Chrissy M.
812 Austin, TX
813
814Dear Chrissy,
815 Chrissy, Chrissy Chrissy. SILLY GIRL! Offer him some Kool-Aid and let
816nature take its course. Then try some lines from Three's Company, it'll floor
817him. Next....
818
819--
820
821DEAR COW BEAT,
822 I'm head over heals in love with The Pusher who wrote "Silent Applause."
823He's soo cute! Last night, I dreamed we went on a date to the beach. He
824kissed me and asked me to be his girlfriend. Oooh! It was awesome and soo
825romantic! My goal is to REALLY be his girlfriend. Pusher, if you're reading
826this, thanks for giving me such sweet dreams!
827 Pam N.
828 Tampa, FL
829
830Dear Pam,
831 We sent your letter over to The Pusher, and he said he was going to have a
832really SPECIAL dream about you, too! Lucky Pam!
833
834--
835
836DEAR COW BEAT,
837 I'm 12 years old and I have a big problem. There's this one girl in my
838class who thinks I'm a snot. This girl says mean things about me to my
839friends. Another thing is that ever since I got my hair cut, everybody seems
840to hate me! Anyway, I don't know this girl that well, but I'd really like to
841be friends with her. Help!
842 Mike T.
843 Durango, CO
844
845Dear Mike,
846 She thinks you're a snot? I don't see the problem. Maybe you lack
847resolve. Don't just let her think you're a snot, make sure she KNOWS you're a
848snot. Ah, youth.
849
850--
851
852DEAR COW BEAT,
853 First of all, I'd like to say you're doing an excellent job of keeping me
854informed on all the hot stars of telecom. I'd appreciate it greatly if you'd
855please put a picture of this gorgeous, fine, and not to mention sexy, guy
856Franken Gibe in your magazine. His eyes are to die for! Thanx!
857
858 K. Kurt,
859 Bergenfield, NJ
860
861Dear K. Kurt,
862 Hmm. Well, here ya go. Knock yerself out. ____
863 /.@@.\
864 \ " /
865 \_u/
866
867--
868
869DEAR COW BEAT,
870 I am an eighteen-year-old high school senior and my older sister Tracy is
871my disciplinarian. Tracy is seven years older than me, and I have been living
872with her for the last two years while my parents are on a foreign-work
873assignment. My sister is a Registered Nurse and treats me very well, but she
874feels she has every right to warm my tail, as she calls it, if I disobey her or
875misbehave. She doesn't give me a strapping, thank goodness, but her pretty
876hand or hairbrush does plenty of justice to my bare behind. If I misbehave,
877she will not hesitate to turn me over her knee, lower my pants and briefs, and
878very severely spank my bare butt. It stings badly too.
879 The spankings stings, but the embarrassment of being over he knee with my
880bare behind sticking up is worse. She frequently has her nurse's uniform on,
881so when she puts me over her knee, my genitals cannot avoid rubbing on her
882stockings. It's erotic, to say the least, and it's hard to control myself.
883
884 Steve L.
885 Cherry Hill, NJ
886
887Dear Steve,
888 Wow. That's very special. Thanks for sharing.
889
890--
891
892DEAR COW BEAT,
893 What's up? My name is Jenny and I am 12 years old. I love cDc! I have
894394 posters and 42 pins of them. I love Drunkfux. I have 220 posters of him
895alone. My best friend, Michelle, has 394 posters too. She loves Swamp Ratte'.
896She cries and faints over Ratte' like I do over Drunkfux. I love your nose,
897Drunkfux, and also about 25 to 30 other things about you. Michelle loves
898Ratte's legs, and about 20 to 25 things about him. We love cDc. I love love
899love you! You're the best thing that ever happened to us!
900
901 Jenny S.
902 Moraga, CA
903
904Dear Jenny,
905 That's pretty weird. Maybe you need a hobby?
906
907--
908
909DEAR COW BEAT,
910 Hi! My name is Nicky and I'm 10 years old. I like your magazine very
911much, especially the Letters section. I truly love Obscure Images. He is my
912dream guy. Please put more articles about Obscure Images in COW BEAT.
913I hate New Kids On The Block, but I LOVE cDc!!
914 Oi's No. 1 fan,
915 Nicky G.
916 Webster, NY
917
918 Note: We get thousands upon thousands of letters similar to this one, and
919I'm afraid we can't answer them all! But thanks for writing, all of you!
920
921
922 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
923
924
925The COW BEAT News Pasture!
926
927 Last time Cultee COUNT ZERO made an appearance at a mall in Florida, 24
928fans were injured due to their wild youthful lust. When he appeared at a
929Washington mall, he had to escape in a laundry hamper! More recently,
930thousands of screaming fans turned up at the Cambridgeside Galleria in
931Cambridge and the Atrium Mall in Chestnut Hill in Massachusetts to get a
932glimpse of their idols; COUNT ZERO, THE DETH VEGETABLE, DAVE FERRET, and WHITE
933KNIGHT. This time around, the gals kept their wits about them and there were
934very few injuries reported.
935 Before the Cultees arrived at the Atrium Mall, radio DJ Bob Casta reminded
936the 5000-plus crowd to make sure they didn't push and shove in their excite-
937ment. There were people on the main mall floor and even more people looking
938down over the railings three levels high! At the Galleria, THE DETH VEGETABLE
939and DAVE FERRET arrived on a police jet ski at the Cambridgeside Lagoon. The
940gals started chanting "FERRET! FERRET! FERRET!" Pretty soon, hunky WHITE
941KNIGHT and COUNT ZERO arrived too - by helicopter!
942 VEGGIE scanned the crowd and pointed to all the posters of himself and
943other Cultees. "Next time, instead of buying those, give that money to the
944homeless people of Boston," said VEGGIE with a sweet smile. "They're the ones
945who need it. And please be careful and watch out for each other on the way
946out." What caring superstars they are!
947
948--
949
950 Okay, you work really hard to be successful, staying up until all hours of
951the night writing files, modding your board, persuading the public you've
952got what it takes, and then - boom - you're a sensation! Journalists
953peg you for interviews and gals everywhere quiver in your presence. Add lots
954of coffee and drooping pants to this picture and you've got G.A. ELLSWORTH!
955 Every morning, girls wait for him to come out of his house just so they
956can touch him! Girls hand him love notes, phone numbers, cards, flowers and
957other goodies. And, of course, G.A. loves it. What guy wouldn't love all that
958attention?! But, he says, "It doesn't boost my ego. I'm just glad they like
959my work."
960
961--
962
963Responding to allegations concerning their reputation as the GANGSTAZ of
964TELECOM, an anonymous cDc spokesperson responds: "Sure, we'd bust caps on a
965narc... but we don't support killin' nobody that don't deserve it!"
966
967--
968
969The cDc CULTEES love mixing in with their fans, but due to their overwhelming
970popularity, that can sometimes be dangerous. You know how you are, girls. If
971you saw a CULTEE standing near you, wouldn't you go absolutely nuts? Sure you
972would!! So, THE NIGHTSTALKER and THE RAVER devised a clever way to mix with
973their fans and be perfectly safe at the same time! All they do is slip into
974some wigs, sunglasses and girls' clothes and they can walk right through the
975crowds! Leave it to cDc to find an ingenious solution to ANY problem!
976
977
978 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
979 ______________________________/advertisement\_______________________________
980
981
982 If you were to bottle the vibe and aura that is CULT OF THE DEAD COW, what
983would it smell like?
984
985 Just like cDc, the scent would have to be fresh, innovative, charming,
986cool and totally versatile.
987
988 Kind of like your fave piece of clothing (be it a black jacket or a pair
989of jeans) that you can dress-up or dress-down and wear anywhere and everywhere!
990
991 So, back to our original question:
992
993 What would cDc smell like in a bottle?
994
995 cDc experimented in its secret underground labs and didn't stop until it
996had achieved perfection, capturing the flash of cDc as well as the subtleties.
997
998 cDc proudly introduces its newest fragrance - PISS!
999
1000 This lively scent mirrors the chic, sophisticated technophile lifestyle of
1001today's active cyberpunk. If your nose is twitching with anticipation, look
1002for cDc's PISS! at fine stores everywhere.
1003
1004 A totally unsolicited quote: "All I gotta do is dab on a little of cDc's
1005PISS! before I go out... and man, the hotties come runnin'! Thanks, cDc!"
1006 -DISPATER, Phrack magazine
1007
1008
1009 cDc's PISS!
1010
1011 Fresh! Now! Wow!
1012
1013 Creating memories to cherish. You and cDc!
1014
1015
1016 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
1017
1018
1019COW BEAT VITAL NOTEZ: RACER X, who is very often trailed by hordes of fans when
1020he's out in public, says he feels like "the Pied Piper." GREENPEACE, a
1021glamorous member of cDc, the hottest group in telecom, says he honestly can't
1022understand why people want his autograph! TARKIN DARKLIGHTER says, "There's no
1023more just walking down the street, and going somewhere and hanging out with
1024people. But it's the price you pay." RED KNIGHT's fave type of gal? "An
1025understanding, sweet, charming girl with a strong personality!" REID FLEMMING
1026is a guy who's always in the public eye. Whether he's attending some gala
1027event, doing some publicity, going out to dinner, or even just hanging out -
1028people are constantly looking at him for fashion do's and don't's. What's
1029REID's advice? "Stay away from pastels. That's about it." Thanks, REID!
1030
1031
1032 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
1033
1034
1035Well, that's the end of this SLAMMIN' issue of COW BEAT! Be sure and watch
1036for the next DOPE edition, with the 411 on all your FAVE telecom HUNKSTERS!
1037
1038
1039 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
1040 _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
1041
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1049
1050 Encyclopedia Brown Does It Again!
1051 by Andrew Solberg
1052
1053
1054 It was raining again, and from the safety of his garage Encyclopedia Brown
1055frowned at the precipitation. "Who's going to visit our detective business in
1056this weather?" he fumed.
1057
1058 Sally had to agree. She was the prettiest girl in their grade, and was
1059also the toughest. Many was the time that Bugs Meany regretted ever having
1060crossed Sally in one of her cases. Encyclopedia was the brains behind their
1061operation, possessing the keen memory and sharp mental skills that his nickname
1062implied, but Sally was the muscle; bullies had learned to steer clear of the
1063pair when they were on a job.
1064
1065 Suddenly, Pee-Wee Weatherby ran up the driveway. Soaked to the skin, the
1066pudgy second-grader approached the overturned wooden crate that served as the
1067agency's desk and plunked down a scratched-up quarter. "I've got a job for
1068you," he declared firmly.
1069
1070 Encyclopedia pocketed the quarter. "No case too small," he announced.
1071"What's the scoop, Pee-Wee?"
1072
1073 "That bad old Bugs Meany has sold a bunch of us on a plan to recycle
1074newspapers. We were all to contribute a dollar to get the business started.
1075Bugs said that we could earn $2.50 a week once the plan got underway. Well,
1076it's been two weeks now, and we haven't seen any of our money! We asked Bugs
1077to give us our stakes back, but he said he couldn't do that. I want my dollar
1078back!"
1079
1080 Sally patted Pee-Wee across the desk. "Don't worry, Pee-Wee. The
1081Encyclopedia Brown Detective Agency is on the job!"
1082
1083 "That's right, Sally," said Encyclopedia. "Now, Pee-Wee, can you tell us
1084where Bugs is hanging out?"
1085
1086 Soon the rain stopped, and the trio biked over to the abandoned lot on
1087Jefferson Street. A pile of scrap metal and boards formed a ramshackle
1088club-house. Hanging on the door was a crudely-lettered sign reading:
1089
1090 PAPER RECYCLING
1091 NEWSPRINT, CARDBOARD, SCRAP
1092 CASH PAID
1093
1094 Below it was another sign reading:
1095
1096 CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
1097
1098 Lounging in front of the clubhouse was a very bored-looking Bugs Meany.
1099He was an older boy with a Jughead crown hat and a nasty sneer. He hated
1100Encyclopedia Brown for his interference in his previous schemes, but he feared
1101Sally and her terrible fists. As the three kids approached, Bugs looked a
1102little nervous. However, he soon relaxed and looked down his nose at the
1103younger children.
1104
1105 "Welcome to my place of business, ladies and gentlemen!" Bugs announced in
1106a sarcastic voice. "Would you like to trade in your newspapers for cash? Gee,
1107I'm really sorry, but our business folded, and I don't know when we'll be back
1108on our feet." He regarded the trio with a saucy smile.
1109
1110 "You dirty rat!" shouted Sally. "You're robbing kids of their money for
1111your business and not giving them anything in return! I'll bet you never did
1112one minute of work at recycling!" Sally menaced Bugs with her fists; Bugs
1113quickly recoiled.
1114
1115 Encyclopedia Brown surveyed the yard. The grass had grown very tall and
1116green. Next to the clubhouse was a wheelbarrow, partially filled with old
1117newspapers. There were several ruts cutting across the abandoned lot. They
1118were all of uniform depth.
1119
1120 Bugs was shouting back at Sally: "That's not true! I had a legitimate
1121business going! I would bring newspapers, cardboard boxes, and other paper
1122scrap to the recycling center! They paid me cash; I was going to distribute
1123it to my shareholders as soon as I showed a profit! I invested their stake in
1124that wheelbarrow, but then the recycling center closed! Now I can't repay the
1125stake; otherwise I would - honest!" He favored Sally with a smug smile.
1126
1127 Encyclopedia Brown stepped up to Bugs and picked something off his shirt.
1128He held it up for all to see. It looked like a scrap of greenish ribbon.
1129Encyclopedia Brown smiled.
1130
1131 Bugs Meany frowned. "So what? What does that prove? It doesn't mean
1132anything. I'm innocent, and you can't prove otherwise."
1133
1134 "You're wrong," said Encyclopedia quietly. "You're guilty, and you're
1135going to return that money right now. You see, Bugs, you made one small
1136mistake."
1137
1138 WHAT WAS BUGS' MISTAKE?
1139 (see below)
1140
1141
1142 Bugs' mistake was meeting the Brown Detective Agency alone.
1143
1144 Sally held Bugs down and sodomized him with a power drill. By the time
1145she had worked her way up to the three-eighths-inch bit, Bugs was in a
1146talkative mood. Encyclopedia Brown elicited the appropriate confession and
1147obtained a full refund for the other kids. Sometimes, not having a shred of
1148evidence is no obstacle for a real sleuth.
1149
1150Encyclopedia Brown does it again!
1151
1152xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
1153
1154[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :V
1155
1156[File to view] :ircmanua.txt
1157
1158xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
1159
1160IRC MANUAL FOR LOVE: V 1.0
1161
1162 Written by Steve Franklin, 11:01, July 22,1992
1163
1164How to succeed with love and flirting on irc:
1165
1166Be a girl.
1167-----------------------------------------------------------
1168
1169IRC MANUAL FOR LOVE V. 2.0 (corrects a few bugs, and adds new features)
1170
1171 Written by Steve Franklin, 11:02, July 22, 1992
1172
1173How to succeed with love and flirting on irc:
1174
1175Be a girl.
1176
1177Start a channel called #hotsexforpervertswhoare10inchersormore.
1178
1179/msg guys who have names like hugeone, manly, bigbody, or worse.
1180
1181Figure out exactly what your dimensions should be...
1182
1183Don't remind the fellow you are flirting with that he is actually a geek.
1184
1185NEVER ask the question "if you're so great, being so smart, incredibly good
1186looking, a sports jock, and piano virtuoso (THOR!), then how come you're on
1187irc 18 hours a day?"
1188
1189Become one with irc lingo - this includes annoying smileys (8), ;) :) >:) ),
1190flowers ( &>--`/--), yecky sweetness (*hugs*, *grin*, *smile*) etc...
1191
1192Tell him you're glad he's so attractive but that it doesn't really matter
1193anyway, and even if he was short, ugly, and overweight it wouldn't matter.
1194(Warning, he may at this point admit that he truly is, shorty, ugly and
1195overweight.)
1196----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1197
1198IRC MANUAL FOR LOVE V. 3.0 (patch for manual Version 2.0)
1199 Written by Steve Franklin, 11:06, July 22, 1992
1200
1201How to succeed with love and flirting on irc:
1202
1203For men who insist on maintaining masculinity and not stooping to female
1204imitation:
1205
1206Consider flirting with other males. There are few females on IRC and many of
1207them are actually other males who are already familiar with Version 2.0 of the
1208IRC-for-Love manual.
1209
1210Choose a nick like "sensitive" or "ILoveKids" or "NotAGeek"
1211
1212Basically, you want to choose a nick that will make you stand out as a nice
1213guy. Don't try anything dumb like "BigMan", "Stamina" or "SuperMan", because
1214these will inevitably attract those who are already familiar with Version 2.0
1215of the IRC-For-Love manual and are not truly female, but female
1216impersonators...
1217
1218Say that you like to cry. Remember, you're a 90's man!
1219
1220Recite poetry.
1221
1222Slip in the fact that you can bench press 803.5 lbs.
1223
1224Tell her you have a GPA of 4.9
1225
1226You are a god-fearing religious individual (remember, the bad girls are
1227actually MEN!)
1228
1229Tell her you can cook.
1230
1231Tell her you like your women unattractive. Pretty girls are so vain and
1232boring.
1233
1234Start your own channel called #GoodBoysLikeFun, but shorten it up a bit to
1235something easier to type. Yeah, try #GBLF. Warning, other individuals who
1236read this manual may have already started #GBLF so be patient and wait your
1237turn.
1238----------------------------------------------------------------
1239
1240IRC MANUAL FOR LOVE V. 3.1 (patch for manual Version 3.0)
1241 Written by Steve Franklin, 11:11, July 22, 1992
1242
1243How to succeed with love and flirting on irc:
1244
1245You can't. It's lame, pathetic, and utterly unsuccessful. After a vote taken
1246among important members of the IRC clan, it has been discovered that 100% frown
1247upon any sort of amorous activities. Get a real relationship, but never settle
1248for an irc facsimile. You don't know what you're dealing with, and it isn't
1249really worth your time.
1250
1251xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
1252
1253[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :V
1254
1255[File to view] :kradthin.txt
1256
1257xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
1258
1259 "It's a K-Rad Thing"
1260 by Swamp Ratte'/cDc
1261
1262 So here I am... 3 am, kitchen. Sitting at counter, pouring some cereal,
1263making a mess with the milk. TV's on, Paula Abdul on MTV. She keeps claiming
1264she's "in a funky way," but I know I'm funkier 'cause I haven't showered yet.
1265Nobody's funkier than me. No white boy, anyhow. Man, check out Paula's
1266cleavage. Praise be to whomever invented the push-up bra. Think I'd like to
1267stuff my face amongst her breasts and make duckie noises. Better yet, Debbie
1268Gibson. Yeah, she could tongue my navel and fix me some orange juice (fresh,
1269from concentrate) any day. I bet her breasts wiggle oh-so-attractively when
1270she shakes a juice pitcher. One container of orange juice glop, three
1271containers full of water. The magic formula. Shake well before serving.
1272Go Debbie, go. Shake that pitcher. Shake Your Love.
1273
1274 I'm getting an erection but I can't deal with that now. I've got cereal
1275to eat. BEFORE IT GETS SOGGY.
1276
1277 Right. So I try to take my mind off Miss Gibson's perkily heaving
1278mammaries and move my attention back to my not-just-for-breakfast-anymore food
1279product. My cereal, you ask? Alpha Bits. Choice of py00ter geeks everywhere.
1280 Alpha Bits cereal consists of little brown wheat-things shaped like the
1281numbers 0 through 9, and these small marshmallows in the shape of letters A
1282through F. Hexadecimal, ya know? A lot of cyberpunks are into this thing
1283called Marshmallow HEX now, made from these Alpha Bits marshmallows which are
1284laced with a stimulant and hallucinogen. It sounds kinda like ice, but doesn't
1285turn you into a raging psychopath. It's more of an "enthused trip," sorta.
1286
1287 Anyhow, there are bunches o' t-files out on making Marshmallow HEX so I
1288won't go into it here. On the back of the cereal box are hex and ASCII charts
1289so the kiddies can get off by spelling obscene words in their bowls in hex.
1290It's a great way to start your day. Hey hey. I should get paid for the rhymes
1291I've made. Another reason why Alpha Bits is so popular amongst py00ter types,
1292as is Special K, is that it's fortified... with Vitamin K. Vitamin K is
1293important to keep you k-rad and out of that lamerosity slump that can drag you
1294down. Yeah, a well-balanced breakfast is important and never let it be said
1295that I skimp on nutrition, including the full day's supply of Vitamin K I get
1296with my Alpha Bits. Just ask any other elite types and they'll tell you too...
1297Vitamin K is the way to start out a totally elite day. Let me rephrase that:
1298"vITAmiN K! iZ ThA waYYE t0 stARtEZz 0UT A t0tALlye EL8! dAY!!!!1!"
1299
1300 I've gotta keep my k-ness up 'cause I don't want any shit coming down on
1301me from DemonSeed Elite. If you still don't know the deal with DemonSeed
1302Elite, then listen up. People don't like to talk about him/it much, 'cause
1303it's such a heavy subject... like a giant cow hanging over your head, ready to
1304drop at any slip up you make. Or in this case, a monster truck.
1305
1306 Rumor is, that back in the late 1970s-early '80s, DSE was a user who
1307achieved Maximum K-rad Eliteness at which point his soul merged with the global
1308telecom network. DemonSeed Elite was no longer just a person, but an entity
1309residing in the cables and satellite links of the network. He is AT&T, he is
1310Internet, he is SouthWestern Bell, he is Smilin' Uncle Dudley's Child Pokin'
1311BBS across town. He is your phone. He is the spy satellites which orbit above
1312our heads. He knows when you've been sleeping and he knows when you're awake.
1313And he takes any sign of lameness on his networks as a personal insult.
1314To speak his real name is to die. Lamers and r0dents all face his wrath.
1315No one has seen him dealing out his vengeance, or been alive afterwards to tell
1316about it, but it will come. Believe that.
1317
1318 All we can do is make assumptions from the wretched remains. A thirteen-
1319year-old with his intestines ripped out; fiberoptic cables twisted tightly
1320around the pulp of what was once his frontal lobe. The young geek's forehead
1321was branded "k-lame", the words still sizzling in his freshly seared flesh when
1322he was found bleeding to death on the floor of his bedroom. His monitor still
1323glowed with the ominous text, "C U L8R!", upon signing off to his friend he had
1324been chatting with over the modem. His pal suffered a similar fate.
1325
1326 Entire user groups have been found at their meetings hung from the rafters
1327with coaxial cable, their bodies swollen and blue as they swung gently in the
1328hushed roar of the air conditioning system.
1329
1330 DemonSeed Elite, in his physical manifestation, is said to prefer
1331travelling in a giant orange monster truck with tires 30 feet high and 30 feet
1332wide. The accuracy of these monster truck descriptions may leave something to
1333be desired since the witnesses were pissing their pants at the time of
1334observance... though the monster truck theory is consistent with some reports
1335of death. On several occasions, groups of r0dents were found squashed flat as
1336they crossed a parking lot or open field. The only clue to the cause of their
1337sudden flatness was giant tread marks all over their bodies. It's as if a
1338large truck fell from the sky and crushed them into a 2-D state, then
1339disappeared!
1340
1341 Now you can believe this, take heed, and watch out for yourself or not.
1342Hey, it's your life. But as for me, I'm gonna get on with eating my Alpha
1343Bits. I'm no fool. No siree.
1344
1345xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
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1347[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :V
1348
1349[File to view] :livehoho.txt
1350
1351xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
1352
1353 "Live From XmasCon 1991"
1354
1355 This file was created at the second annual HoHoCon during the night of
1356December 28th through to the next morning in Houston, Texas. A laptop computer
1357with a text editor was passed around the rooms and out in the hallway where a
1358dozen or so mostly wasted con people sat on the floor brainstorming and the
1359following file is the result. Fourteen major telecom guys contributed to this
1360file which probably makes it a first as a group effort file not written over a
1361network. It's almost entirely raw and unedited to try and get the spirit of
1362the HoHoCon across with all the spelling mistakes and lack of punctuation
1363intact. I know I speak for everyone there who travelled some pretty long
1364distances in saying that we had a great time. Heaps o' thanks to Drunkfux and
1365everyone else who organized the event, we appreciate it. My comments will be
1366in double brackets ([[]]).
1367 -Swamp Ratte'/cDc
1368
1369So here we go:
1370
1371
1372<HAY!#!#@ THIZ WUZ MY IDEEA!!@!! MYNE AWL MYNE!!$!#!!1!> - |\r|_|nKfUx
1373 |/
1374
1375Ho Ho Con 91...
1376
1377
1378Staring:
1379
1380Crimson Death as Terminal Illness: Sysop of Cyberwaste
1381
1382Count Zero as co-conspiritor with Crimson Death and creator of the
1383name "Cyberwaste" and bearer of the Demonseed remote scam-cam.
1384
1385Morpheus as the crazed inventor of the K-RAD cyber drug Marshmellow HEX, the
1386drug of choice for BellCore employees across America.
1387
1388Doc Cypher: Imperial gizzard and sheriff of !ingham, Marshmellow HE>< junkie
1389extrordinairre.
1390
1391Holistic Hacker, Jolt and coremonger, ceo erptech transplanetary
1392
1393
1394[[Other people who contributed but didn't write a little blurb thing about
1395themselves above (in order): Erik Bloodaxe, Judge Dredd, Dispater, White
1396Knight, Swamp Ratte', G.A. Ellsworth, Arch Angel, and Lord MacDuff.]]
1397
1398
1399HAY!%@!!1!!!!!1 PHUK U D00DURZ IN DA CYBURB00TY!@!! DIZ IZ EL8 DRUNKPHUX
1400AN U DIDNT PUTZ MY GNAME IN DA GREETZ N PREEZENTURZ S0Z U KAN GET CYBURSKREWED.
1401IF IT WUZNT 4 MEE THIZ PHLYUR W00DNT EVUN EXEZT. I ZTARTUD IT AWL AN ITZ MY
1402PHYL U LEECHUZ.. U GUYZ R JUZT JELUZ KUZ U GN0 I M EL8 AN U GUYZ R SUM
1403D0RKURZ!@!!! ITZ MY PHYL.. I R0AT IT..ME ME ME ME!!!@!! I STARTUD THA FYLE, I
1404STARTUD CDC, I 0WN DEM0N SEAD, I RUNZ CYBURWAYZT, I M PREZ 0F BLAK SEPTIMBURR,
1405I ENVENTED DA HEXX-ASKEE CHARTUR, EY PH0UND THA HEX MARSHMALL0W, I SKREWED THA
1406GIRLEE DANZURZ, I PR0GRAHM IN UNIX, I L00KZ LYK NELZ0N, I G0TZ DA T000TZE
1407R0HL HATUR, I BUILTZ THA PAZLEE B0X, I KARDUD KLIFF ST0LL K00KEEZ, DA BLAYD
1408IZ MY PHRENDUR, I SP0NS0RD DIZ K0N.. I DID IT AWL AN U GUYZ R MAD KUZ U KANT
1409B MEE!@!$#@!!! IF U D0NTZ PUTZ MY NAMUR HAREZ 0N DA PHYLUR THAN I M G0NA
1410BLAKLIZT U L0ZURZ AN GETZ ZUM CBIZ 0N YER T0LLZ AN GIVZ U METR0 2 GETZ THA
1411CREDITUR INPH0 2 BLAKLIZTZ U CUZ I M G0NA BLAKLIZTZ U KUZ U DIDUNT PUTZ MY
1412HANDLUR 0N DA PHYLUR KUZ I WR0TE IT AN IT WUZ MY IDEEA AN KUZ I DID IT AN
1413STARTUD ITZ S0ZE U DIDNTZ PUTZ MY NAMUR 0N IT AN I AM G0NA BLAKLIZTURZ U GUYZ 4
1414N0T PUTEENG MY NAMUR 0N IT!!@!!@! S0 THAREZ!$#!#$ U HAVE BEN HERF0RT0BE4WARNDUD
1415ANU SH00D BEWAREZ!#$@$#! I KANT B WR0NG.. I M EL8#$!$#$@!!!!!11!!!! 0 YEH..
1416DID I MENCHUN DAT DIZ WUZ EL8 DRUNKPHUX 0F M0D AN BSEPT?!@!@ KUZ IT IZ..AN I
1417M G0NA BLAKLIZT U 4 N0T SAYEENG MY NAMUR 0N DA PHYL U GEEKZTURZ.
1418
1419
1420[[...and Drunkfux.]]
1421
1422
1423Phrack Classsic : PROPHILE : 0/\/\aR!!!1!!
1424
1425
1426Crimson Death: hOW LONG HAVE YOU looked like Cliff Stoll, Omar?
1427
1428Doc Cypher: Fuck You. I don't want that in there.
1429
1430CDeath: What do you think of Scot?
1431
1432DCypher: Scot's a nice, he's a great guy, but don't leave him alone with your
1433daughter and a box cutter.
1434
1435<Switching to Chris Goggans of MOD.>
1436
1437CDeath: How long have you been programming in Unix?
1438
1439DCypher: Bruce Sterling introduced me into programming Unix. I was fascinated
1440to learn that there were no people at the SS who knew how to program in Unix.
1441
1442CDeath: Chris, what's in the future for MOD?
1443
1444CG: Soap on a rope.
1445
1446CDeath: Any closing comments?
1447
1448DCypher: Watch your ass around coredumps. Tell your friends to leave the room
1449when you feel an 8 or 9 megger coming on.
1450
1451CG: It's time for some more water.
1452
1453DCypher: I look forward to more Matrix Coredump. Experience the cyberfuture.
1454
1455Omar: Gunnar!
1456
1457Fat Boy Crimson Death: Hey Gunnar. Gunnar's got my terminal.
1458
1459[[Joke explanation: Drunkfux resembles the Nelson twins 'cause of his long
1460straight blonde hair. Gunnar is the name of one of the Nelsons. Get? Got.]]
1461
1462Bruce Sterling: Who stole my Unix programming manual?
1463
1464World View Staff: Nobody, Bruce. You left it in the Cyberspace Matrix.
1465
1466Count Zero: Chow down on some cyber-snackage.... Ruffles have cyber-ridges.
1467
1468Judge Dredd: Terminal Illness is my cyber-friend.
1469
1470Dispater: Call Speed Cyberwaste Elite / World H.q 1000's of Viruses and Dust
1471Motes that are about 3 microns thick and bombard your eyes. Anyway the sysop
1472is Terminal Ilness!!!!!!!!
1473
1474Drunkfux: And here's where you find the and uh, ok... So uh, this is the uh,
1475and this is...the...uh...deal.
1476
1477White Knight: Leena kept asking me, over and over, 'What happened to Kilo?
1478After the paint meeting, he was gone....'
1479
1480Swamp Ratte': Monster Trucks!!!! g0 WiTH iT!
1481
1482Holistic: My name is John, and I'm a caffine abuser.
1483
1484Crimson Death: Every new handle change comes with a complementary issue of
1485Phrack.
1486
1487Steve (lawyer): ...and let's talk now about CIVIL LIBERTIES!
1488
1489Crimson Death: Cyberwaste -- The only BBS with 5 gigs of monster truck gifs,
1490and sponsoring Demon Seed Elite the big bad ass of cyberhell monster
1491truckdom... god protect us all from dust motes...
1492
1493G.A. Ellsworth: The only monster truck that can box Alliance.
1494
1495Broadway Hacker: Too bad The Blade didn't show, I wanted to fuck
1496him up the butt... by the way... hows your balls?!??
1497
1498Morpheus Check out CYBERWASTE! Now sponsoring the one and only
1499alt.monstertrucks moderated by Terminal Illness. Now time to get cyberwasted
1500on dustmotes..
1501
1502L.E. Pirate: ..phuk cDc in tha b00teez!! blAk sEptEbuR bak an on da rize g!
1503werd 2 ya mutha.. swamp ratte = phag kween.. bsept in 92!!!!1!!1!!
1504
1505K0dez kidz: The strippers are here!
1506
1507[[File interrupted for herds of con people running down the hall looking for
1508naked girlies.]]
1509
1510Stripper: Oh my gawd!
1511Translated: "I'm not taking my clothes off for a buncha COMPUTER GEEKS!"
1512
1513<phAnt0m t0aSt>
1514
1515HAY!@!!!!#%!$%!1 AWLRYTURZ!@!! THIZ IZ A
1516LYVUR KEWL TEXT PHYLUR PHR0M KEWL
1517H0ZH0ZK0NZ YVUR IN DA SYBURSPACUR
1518MATRIXZ!!@! HAREZ SUM 0F DA EL8 INPH0
1519WEV K-SNAGUD PHR0M DA K0N!@!!!!!!
1520
1521OKAZE LYK PHAZE!!!@! PHIRZT SUM PRYVATUR
1522INPHOZE ON DA GNU PIZA B0XUR..
1523
1524PHUKNA!!%@!^%$!^% DAREZ SUM STRIPPURZZZ
1525HARE!@&^%!&^ GN0 WAY!@&^! WAT SHUD I
1526DOO??!! WAREZ MY KEE.. G0TTZ GET
15270FFLYNURZ..2 MUCH 4 MEE..
1528
1529Doc Cypher: I'm sorry but those dancers were 2 of the ugliest beasts I've ever
1530seen in my life.
1531
1532Lord MacDuff: Ho Ho Ho's.
1533
1534G.A. Ellsworth: Smells like Teen Spirit...
1535
1536New Prophile... Erik Bloodaxe.
1537
1538Chris, what did you think of those rad dancers?
1539
1540Erik Bloodaxe: Made me wish I had charged up my cattle prod.
1541
1542Doc Cypher: I wish I brought my box cutter personally.
1543
1544Arch Angel: Did I see a fat girl dancing on the table? With huge porcupine
1545tits sagging? She was going, 'Hey big boy!@!!!.'
1546
1547Swamp Ratte': I gave one of them money when they were done, and they didn't
1548even have to squirm all over me. I'm such a nice guy.
1549
1550Erik Bloodaxe: I'm a lot more entertained now, Omar. About 3 hours ago I was
1551a lot less entertained.
1552
1553Doc Cypher: There's a bunch of drug crazed lemmings out there!
1554
1555Hunter: Ok, give me credit for getting the titty girls... Say my board is the
1556k-raddest in Houston. Who's got drugs, the strippers' hamster wants to O.D.
1557
1558Erik Bloodaxe: Well, gee, I've gotta piss... there's probably some traces
1559(of drugs) in there if they want them. What exactly is this masterpiece you've
1560been working on? Blackmail... that's what it is!
1561
1562Count Zero: I've died and gone to Hell. I'm sitting in a hotel room where
1563the maid never comes and I'm listening to disco.
1564
1565Arch Angel: I took a serious coredump today... didn't take too much processing.
1566
1567Lord MacDuff to Arch A.: It was obvious you had a couple of beers last night.
1568
1569Holistic Hacker: So,Omar... what did you think of those bAbeolOusous dAnzurZ?
1570
1571Drunkfux was the hit with the good looking ones... chicks dig Nelson. If
1572Dispater hadn't paid them, they'd all be sucking his dick right now.
1573
1574Arch Angel: Hey... the fat one knocked over the radio.
1575
1576We were at least going to be economical about it.... I had it down to 10
1577people for 3 hits of acid... in Gunnar's suite.
1578
1579Lord Macduff: THIS lasted for 2 hours?
1580
1581Arch Angel: It looked like the Wizard of Oz here... with all the fingers
1582pointing.
1583
1584We were talking about Alpha Bits with Hex Marshmallows... and on the back
1585you've got a hex-ascii converter.
1586
1587Count Zero: Demonseed is everywhere, yet nowhere...it is everything, yet
1588nothing, but maybe just a bunch of little things....
1589
1590Something that even virtually reality could entice..or even begin to describe
1591this fiasco of cyber whores from the matrix that have been beckenforthed..
1592
1593Doc Cypher: Hey, we've started a new group. Kult of the Dead K0dez.
1594
1595Swamp Ratte': Yeah, kDk. We're so elite, we know everything there is to know
1596about everything, so we sit around talking about butterflies and rainbows.
1597It's beautiful, man. Rad as rad can be. Wave o' the future.
1598
1599Holistic Hacker: Just remember... this is not your father's HoHoCon.
1600
16014:44am - Omar lost his mind. DemonSeed woke up and gained more power.
1602
1603<Drunkfux>..(wait a second..I wrote all that 2!!!1!!)
1604
1605Drunkfux: I feel the need for a song. abstract, of course.
1606
1607------------------------------------------------
1608
1609Tawk tawk tawking bout sum cyber stuff
1610Like Demon Roach's new Monster Truck sub
1611Matrix hoppin we will go
1612In search of the hex marshmallow
1613Come now, come now, do not pace
1614We're off to call cyberwaste
1615The new beast known as demon seed
1616Run over your head and make you bleed
1617Decryption of the message I soon will start
1618For I have the hex-ascii chart
1619Fat, skanky dancers running all around
1620Wonder how many STD's Dispater has now
1621What made me sick was the one's hairy mole
1622Did I mention that Omar looks like Cliff Stoll
1623Bruce taught me how to program in Unix and Hack C
1624Omar had his picture taken with E.T.
1625This is it.. I must go..
1626I may finish later.. I don't know
1627
1628-------------------------------------------------
1629
1630The Summoning of Demon Seed...
1631
1632Blackness was all around in the Hilton parking lot... the power was strong and
1633we knew Demon Seed Elite might appear any second from the power of pre-puberty
1634crazed glangular overactive k0dez kids... a hush fell over the parking lot and
1635we suddenly felt irritated for some reason -- yes we knew that tonite WAS the
1636nite for the coming of Demon Seed Elite.
1637
1638A herd of K0dez kids wandered by in search of K-rad cyber-strippers. In a
1639flash of blue light and clouds of 10 micron dust motes, Demon Seed Elite
1640materialized. It's blazing CGA monitors flashing with menace, it descended on
1641the nerdlings with fury....
1642
1643The beams shot forth from the blazing monitors searing the flesh of the huddled
1644masses. The first casualty was a gangly young codester, twitchintg with the
1645expectations of the looming nudity. The firey beams struck him at the base of
1646his spine, ripping flesh from bone, sending a shower of blood over the
1647remainaing hacking horde. The energy expuled from the first kill powered on
1648the energy seeking transformer of Demon Seed. The k0dez kids cried out in
1649escatsy knowing that cheezy motel porn was no more in their bloodthirst for fat
1650sleezy cybernetic whores. They had a bigger thing to worry about right now -
1651it is Demon Seed Elite.
1652
1653As the k-rad K00L smoke cleared, Demon Seed Elite appeared...again... The
1654drolls of the M0D special issue cybernetic cotton gin's drolls permeated the
1655cybernetic battlefield...with dung...cybernetic dung: the dung of the
1656Demon Seed.
1657
1658The thousands of pixels which made the eye of the Cyberwaste cast its watchful
1659gaze on the terrain some 6,700,000 miles below, methodologically scanning the
1660payphones of the known universe for the brief flash of a KaLl1Ng KaRD!!11!1!
1661
1662Yet we have not taken the time to discuss the true meaning of Demon Seed, for
1663he has the untmost pirating cabilities... Demon Seed needs no ratio or time
1664limit for everyone knows the k-rad warez of the future that sp00geD out of the
1665bed of Demon Seed... for he has the power to travel into the future and get
1666games that have yet to be created in our present time...
1667
1668Then the EELYTE surviors beheld to our surprise and delight
1669Clifford Stoll himself sat in the passenger seat, cluthing a pipe
1670His hands were all shaking, just like a speed freak
1671He spit when he laughed, and we called him a geek
1672"It's the COOKIES!" he exclaimed, "Not the speed or the blow"
1673"Don't end up like me! Please, just say no!"
1674The truck rattled and shook, the license plate read "K-K00L"
1675As it drove away, all we could do was sit, gape, and drool.
1676
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1680
1681[File to view] :propacdc.txt
1682
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1684
1685 "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or
1686prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or
1687of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition
1688the Government for a redress of grievances."
1689 -- Amendment I to the Constitution of the United States
1690
1691
1692 "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor
1693should they be considered as patriots."
1694 -- Republican Presidential Nominee (1988) George Bush
1695
1696
1697 "...where true brotherhood existed among all colors, where no one felt
1698segregated, where there was no "superiority" complex, no "inferiority" complex
1699- then voluntarily, naturally, people of the same kind felt drawn together by
1700that which they had in common."
1701 -- Malcolm X, referring to a 1964 pilgrimage to Mecca
1702
1703
1704 You can get with this, or you can get with that.
1705 What's it gonna be?
1706
1707 cDc wants to know.
1708
1709 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1710 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1711 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1712 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1713 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1714 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1715
1716 "Though government certainly uses technology to oppress, the evil lies not
1717in the tools but in the wielder of the tools. In fact, technology represents
1718one of the most promising avenues available for re-capturing our freedoms from
1719those who have stolen them. By its very nature, it favors the adaptable (who
1720are quick to see the merit of the new, over the sluggish (who cling to time-
1721tested ways). And what two better words are there to describe government
1722bureaucracy than 'dull' and 'sluggish'?"
1723
1724 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1725 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1726 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1727 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1728 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1729 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1730
1731 "Risks, an internet mailing list, reported about a week ago on a proposal
1732by Dr. Dorothy Denning, one of the most prominent people in the field of
1733cryptography, that copies of all private encryption keys associated with public
1734key cryptographic systems be held, effectively by the government, to permit
1735them to read people's encrypted messages to each other.
1736 Many have noted that the dawning of cheap and effective cryptographic
1737systems could spell the end of the ability of governments to invade people's
1738privacy. Unfortunately, it appears that the government and its cronies have
1739also realized this, and intend to take preemptive action. Our notion of civil
1740rights has decayed so far that it is now considered a citizen's duty to not
1741merely be quiet while he is enslaved but to actively cooperate with his own
1742enslavement. Not merely must we put up with the indignity of the government
1743being granted the right to read our papers and communications to each other,
1744but now it is suggested that we ordinary citizens must personally cooperate to
1745make it easier for them to read our communications."
1746
1747 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1748 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1749 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1750 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1751 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1752 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1753
1754 "One passage from the Pledge of Allegiance struck me as a youth as being
1755the true strength of my government. This passage requires me to protect my
1756country and the Constitution for which it stands from all enemies, both foreign
1757and domestic.
1758 I think those who would give too much power to the government have not
1759said their pledge in a long time. It says that my country is fully behind the
1760aims of the Constitution and that I as a member of that country have been given
1761the duty to disolve the government by force if reguired when the government
1762becomes an enemy of the people who enacted the Constitution. Implicit in
1763that duty is the call to those aims without regard to the laws the errant
1764government may have enacted or protections removed.
1765 To those ends my government is not allowed to prevent me from meeting
1766with others who may feel that the government has gone bad. I am allowed to
1767keep my COMMUNICATIONS private. In order to defend my country from a bad
1768government as well as other threats I am allowed to keep and bear arms.
1769 To the end of individual protection of the right to privacy, the
1770individual must secure that privacy through any means available. The
1771government must not prevent the individual from using encryption to secure
1772their right to privacy.
1773 Because my government is an extension of the people of my country, when
1774my government starts protecting itself from those very same people it must have
1775placed the government above the Constitution and the will of the people.
1776Suggestions like requiring the registration of encryption keys speak to how
1777close some parts of the US government have come to being for itself and not for
1778the people."
1779
1780
1781 Welcome to Tha GnU W0rlD 0RdeR v0.92beta
1782 Tha GnU W0rlD 0RdeR v0.92beta
1783 Tha GnU W0rlD 0RdeR v0.92beta
1784 Tha GnU W0rlD 0RdeR v0.92beta
1785
1786 "Did you fucking GET IT?!"
1787
1788 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1789 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1790 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1791 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1792 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1793 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1794
1795Numb : 35/40
1796Subj : .
1797From : Sunspot (#192)
1798Date : 04/08/89 01:24:02 AM
1799
1800Here's something VERY interesting for everyone in cDc!! Today I got a phone
1801call (on my board line, I picked it up) from someone who wouldn't identify
1802himself. He started by saying that I was in major trouble. I was wondering
1803who it was, and then he finally mentioned cDc and he said that he and the
1804association he's with ("... extremely underground, you will never be able to
1805find us") is against the "sick trash that your group puts out, and it is
1806insulting" or some shit like that. Then he continued, "We do not like the fact
1807that your members are sympathetic to certain people." I started going into
1808this long statement about freedom of speech, and then he started threatening
1809everyone. He said that he could shut us down within 48 hours and that anyone
1810who didn't drop out was in major trouble, including their families. So I
1811asked, how do you expect to do that? He said they have "very high connections"
1812or something. He wouldn't tell me who he was, he only said that he has a shell
1813account on DRU and that many people use it often.
1814
1815
1816 So behold, the cultural jihad...
1817
1818
1819 (__) (__)
1820 xx ) ( xx
1821 |_/\ ___________ /\_|
1822 / | | | |
1823 /| | | _|__|_
1824 MOTHERFUCKER! / | | || \ MOTHERFUCKER!
1825 take control | |__|__||___ | take control
1826 MOTHERFUCKER! | | MOTHERFUCKER!
1827 take control \ / take control
1828 MOTHERFUCKER! \ / MOTHERFUCKER!
1829 take control | | take control
1830 _ _ |RIGHT ARM| _ _
1831 ((___)) | | ((___))
1832 [ x x ] [ x x ]
1833 \ / * righteous anger is the best anger * \ /
1834 (' ') (' ')
1835 (U) (U)
1836
1837
1838 "The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear
1839arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in
1840government." -- Thomas Jefferson
1841
1842
1843 Yeah, but are you truly *DOWN* with this, you "cyberpunk"?
1844 Do you have the vision?
1845
1846 cDc wants to know.
1847
1848 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1849 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1850 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1851 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1852 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1853 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1854
185514/16:
1856Name: Roberta #28
1857Date: Thu Mar 23 14:36:00 1989
1858
1859I still haven't figured out the Dead Cow thing. What am I missing? Do you
1860have to be a "freak" to be a part? What is it like on the inside?
1861
1862
186315/16: sorry
1864Name: Lord Drinian #33
1865Date: Tue Mar 28 10:19:17 1989
1866
1867everybody. i didn't mean to start such an uproar. last year i knew of
1868someone that belonged to the cult of the dead cow. they are a bunch of
1869goobers that kill cows and worship them. if that's not a freak, i don't know
1870what is.
1871 <<< Lord Drinian >>>
1872
1873
187416/16: Why would
1875Name: Roberta #28
1876Date: Fri Mar 31 16:21:32 1989
1877
1878a cult to worship dead cows, use computers to communicate? Sounds a little
1879funny to me. Keeps you guessing, just the way they probably like it.
1880
1881 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1882 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1883 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1884 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1885 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1886 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1887
1888====
1889NEWS RELEASE Immediate 3/18/92
1890
1891PEDOPHILIA, COMPUTERS AND CHILDREN
1892
1893 If you have children in your home and a home computer complete with a
1894telephone modum, you [sic] child is in potential danger of coming in contact
1895with deviate and dangerous criminals.
1896 Using the computer modum [sic], these unsavory individuals can communicate
1897directly with your child without your knowledge. Just as importantly, you
1898should be concerned if your child has a friendship with other youth who have
1899access to this equipment in an unsupervised environment.
1900 Using a computer and a modum your child can readily access community
1901"bulletin boards" and receive sexually explicit and graphic material from total
1902strangers who can converse with your children, individuals you quite probably
1903wouldn't even talk with.
1904 The concern becomes more poignant when stated otherwise; would you let a
1905child molester, murderder, convicted criminal into your home to meet alone with
1906your child?
1907 According to Fresno Police Detective Frank Clark, "Your child can be in
1908real danger from pedophiles, rapists, satanic cultists and other criminals
1909known to be actively engaged in computer conversation. Unwittingly, naive
1910children with a natural curiosity can be victimized; emerging healthy sexual
1911feelings of a child can be subverted into a twisted unnatural fetish affecting
1912youth during a vulnerable time in their lives."
1913 "It is anticipated that parents, when armed with knowledge this activity
1914exists and awareness that encounters with such deviate individuals results in
1915emotional and psychological damage to their child, will take appropriate
1916measures to eliminate the possibility of strangers interacting with their
1917children via a computer."
1918 A news conference is scheduled for 10 a.m., Thursday, March 19, 1992 at
1919Fresno Police Department, Headquarters. The conference, presided over by
1920Detective Frank Clark, will be held in the Library located on the second floor.
1921====
1922
1923 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1924 ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___)) ((___))
1925 [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ] [ x x ]
1926 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
1927 (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ') (' ')
1928 (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U) (U)
1929
1930 Ha. I laugh at sloth.
1931 And yet I remain inactive.
1932 I must laugh.
1933 I laugh a nervous laugh.
1934
1935xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
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1939[File to view] :realpi93.txt
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1942
1943 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1944(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)
1945(_) (_)
1946(_) REAL PIRATES 1993 (_)
1947(_) (_)
1948(_) BY (_)
1949(_) SWAMP RATTE' (_)
1950(_) (_)
1951(_)AN OFFICIAL CDC PIRATES' GUILD(_)
1952(_) RELEASE! (_)
1953(_) (_)
1954(_)CALL THE POLKA AE 806/794-4362(_)
1955(_) PW:KILL 3/12/10MEGS!! (_)
1956(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)
1957
19581. REAL APPLE II PIRATES DON'T COPY
1959ANY GNU WAREZ.
1960
1961COROLLARY: REAL APPLE II PIRATES
1962DON'T COPY ANY GNU WAREZ BECAUSE
1963THERE AREN'T ANY GNU WAREZ.
1964 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
1965(_)( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )(_)
1966(_)CDCPG!CDCPG!CDCPG!CDCPG!CDCPG!(_)
1967(_)CALL THESE RADIFEROUS SYSTEMS!(_)
1968(_)*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-(_)
1969(_)POLKALAND NORTH 204/WAY-ELET(_)
1970(_)POLKALAND SOUTH 806/T00-SKRT(_)
1971(_)POLKALAND EAST 207/S00-PRVT(_)
1972(_)POLKALAND WEST 213/YOU-F00L(_)
1973(_)-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*(_)
1974(_)CALL THEM ALL OR DIE DIE DIE! (_)
1975(_)CDCPG!CDCPG!CDCPG!CDCPG!CDCPG!(_)
1976(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)
1977
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1982[File to view] :suburban.txt
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1985
1986 Surburban Fascist Regime
1987 by Matt Welsh
1988
1989 Recently I had an article published about me in the Journal of the
1990Daughters of the American Revolution, entirely about my experiences back in the
1991Army. One of the main points that was stressed over and over in a grueling
1992series of interviews, cross-examinations, questionnaires, and photography
1993sessions was the fact that I lost my taste buds from shrapnel back in 'Nam, and
1994have ever since been unable to discern the piquancy of anything I eat. Texture
1995and the U.S.R.D.A. nutritional information on the sides of cereal boxes is now
1996my single rationale for choosing one entree or side order over another, and
1997for some unknown reason this fact is infinitely engrossing to the swarm of
1998media personnel that pay daily visits to explore my history and background.
1999I'll eat sea squirt, mashed potatoes, and orange jello all in one large bowl,
2000hashed together, to impress upon them my utter and complete lack of taste.
2001Lucky Charms and tequila is a favorite morning snack of mine. The apparent
2002dangers of this kind of obliviousness are being slipped a mickey in my drink
2003or even getting my steak a bit underdone. To avoid such pitfalls I bring along
2004my hunchback Porcopio to taste all my dishes before I myself partake.
2005
2006 Porcopio is a brave and noble man, and doubles as my bodyguard whenever
2007Jim's not around with his phalanx of ninjas. The last time I had any kind of
2008trouble was in an alley behind the movie theater one Tuesday night as the early
2009showing of the most recent Disney movie was just letting out. A pack of three
2010or four slovenly burgeoning juveniles accosted Jim and I as we were making off
2011with the life-size cardboard cutout of Crocodile Dundee from the theater's
2012lobby. Fortunately the ninjas were on-hand as always and in a flash of
2013shuriken, katana, and bare-fisted flurry the adolescents were in retreat,
2014nursing their superficial wounds and cursing the ancestors of the silent
2015warriors. What could we do but bow, take them all out for sandwiches at Jack
2016In The Box and bid their honorable selves adieu?
2017
2018 At a loss, Jim and I eventually ended up back at my place where, inspired
2019by the death stalkers of the night, we sat down and played head-to-head Tetris
2020on his Nintendo and ordered out for Smelt Egg sushi handrolls.
2021
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2026[File to view] :tdethcdc.txt
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2029
2030
2031
2032 FOR A MOMENT HE SMILED
2033 by Tequila Willy/cDc
2034
2035 They spotted Randall long before he spotted them.
2036
2037 "He looks like a good one!" Scott shouted.
2038
2039 "Yeah, not scrawny like that last one!" Steve laughed.
2040
2041 Randall stood motionless, paralyzed with fear. Who were these men and
2042what did they want from him? He glanced at Malcolm and Charlotte who only
2043exchanged confused glances.
2044
2045 Seconds seemed like hours in the silence of the morning air.
2046
2047 Suddenly Scott produced an axe from his backpack and, pointing straight at
2048Randall, said, "We're taking you home with us!" Steve laughed in agreement.
2049
2050 Randall felt the axe tear into his side. His life blood mixed with the
2051freshly fallen snow and a scream escaped from within his being.
2052
2053 Malcolm and Charlotte gasped in horror at the sight before them.
2054
2055 "What was that?" Steve asked.
2056
2057 "What was what?"
2058
2059 "Must've been my 'magination."
2060
2061 Scott drew the axe back over his shoulder and resumed bludgeoning
2062Randall's body.
2063
2064 Malcolm and Charlotte stood motionless, not sure what to do. Their
2065lifelong friend was being struck down, just a couple of yards away from them,
2066and they were powerless to help.
2067
2068 The men labored with their grisly mission for several minutes, taking
2069turns with the axe. Sweat dripped from their foreheads and coated their
2070armpits. When it was all over, Randall was a pitiful disembodied wreck in the
2071snow.
2072
2073 Scott, now smiling, glanced at Malcolm and Charlotte and wiped Randall's
2074juices from the axe. This final insult sent a mixture of anger and fear though
2075them.
2076
2077 Steve tied a rope around Randall's body and began to drag him away from
2078the scene. Scott returned the axe into his backpack and walked a few yards
2079behind Steve. As if their casual murder wasn't enough, they both began to sing
2080as they disappeared into the distance.
2081
2082 Malcolm and Charlotte began to cry.
2083
2084 Randall slipped in and out of consciousness for the next few weeks. He
2085was hardy for his size, and though his wounds were mortal, the life blood
2086within him was enough to drag out his final days on earth into the greatest
2087living hell and beyond.
2088
2089 He remembered the wind rushing around him shortly after being subdued.
2090And the sounds of a truck engine running.
2091
2092 He remembered being tortured with a saw.
2093
2094 He remembered being tarred and feathered, in a strange sort of way. And
2095he was secured in a manner which kept him motionless.
2096
2097 He remembered the countless fires they lit in the weeks that followed.
2098The countless fires that were placed so dangerously close to him that he could
2099feel the heat wanting to consume him - and at that point he would have welcomed
2100it.
2101
2102 He remembered the way the men brought over all their friends who laughed
2103and pointed at him. They sang mocking songs at him that made him cry.
2104
2105 He remembered the way they finally cleansed him of the tar and feathers.
2106
2107 He remembered being placed in the cold dark street to finally die. The
2108weeks of torture had finally ended.
2109
2110 And he lay there, in the cold dark morning air. He felt so dry and
2111lonely.
2112
2113 He thought about his friends back in the forest and for a moment he
2114smiled.
2115
2116-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
2117 I hope you have a new respect for the Randall in
2118 your living room this holiday year.
2119-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
2120 *-- Merry Xmas from Willsie --*
2121
2122xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2123
2124[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :D
2125
2126[File to delete] :*.txt
2127
2128GRADSCHL.TXT...deleted
2129MONEYGRP.TXT...deleted
2130COWBEAT2.TXT...deleted
2131ENCBROWN.TXT...deleted
2132IRCMANUA.TXT...deleted
2133KRADTHIN.TXT...deleted
2134LIVEHOHO.TXT...deleted
2135PROPACDC.TXT...deleted
2136REALPI93.TXT...deleted
2137SUBURBAN.TXT...deleted
2138TDETHCDC.TXT...deleted
2139
2140[T:--][Xfer:1-New Uploads] :Q
2141
2142[T:--][VHE:Main] :SYSTEM
2143
2144[T:--][System] :K
2145
2146[User to kill] :102
2147
2148Kill Swamp Ratte' #102? Yuh-huh
2149
2150Swamp Ratte' #102...killed
2151
2152[T:--][System] :Q
2153
2154[T:--][VHE:Main] :B
2155
2156[T:--][Msgs:1-General] :N
2157
2158<< New-Scan All >>
2159
2160<< New-Scan: 1-General/50 msgs >>
2161
2162xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2163[Numb] 50/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2164[From] Swamp Ratte' #102 [Subj] No, you're all wrong!
2165
2166Of course, the best way to play a tambourine is to put it over your head and
2167"shake it all about."
2168
2169Oh, check out this rad ASCII graphic deal:
2170
2171 _| Texas Cadillac Lasers |_
2172 / O-- --O \
2173( ('__+-----------------+___) ) ____ Macro Cannon
2174 \____| /_\ /_\ /_\ |____/ []======[][]\
2175 _+-----------------+_ /~~~|____/.
2176 / \--------------(__________)----+ Tail Gunner
2177 -) ____ ____ (- <-satellite dishes ] \/
2178 \ \()/ \()/ / _____ ]/~~~\
2179 \ \/ \/ / _____/____/ ] ()|[][][]=
2180 \ / ] <[]_____|____|= ]~~~
2181 \ __)\___)\__ / ] \____\ ]Farticle
2182Nostril \/ ((( ((( \/ -MOO! ] Bullistic Moosile ]Accelerator
2183Flame -- \ (_) (_) / ] ]a.k.a
2184Thrower [\_________/ [ ] [ ]BattleMETH
2185 [ ]----[ ]-------------------[ ]
2186 [ ] [ ]cow-toungeston[ [ ]
2187 [ ] [ ] alloy frame [ [ ]
2188 [ ] [ ] [ [ ]
2189 [________] [________] [____[________]
2190 |___M___| |___M___| <-Jump Jets-> |___M|___M___| factoid
2191 """ """ """ """ """ """" """ [_]
2192 ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' '''' ''' ~ ~
2193The real MECHCOW ... by CATTLEMECH, the leaders in bovine technology.
2194
2195Neat, uh?
2196
2197S. Ratte'/cDc
2198"I liked it so much, I stole the company!" said an impaired J.R. Ewing to his
2199naked secretary and fiance', Jamie Summers, moonlighting as a national hero and
2200but one point in a love triangle involving Col. Steve Austin and famed
2201anthropologist Margaret Mead."
2202xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2203
2204[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2205
2206<< New-Scan: 2-90210/50 msgs >>
2207
2208xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2209[Numb] 49/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2210[From] The LEGO Maniac #83 [Subj] Donna
2211
2212Why would we have thought that Donna was going to have sex with David? It
2213would be out of character for her, in addition to suggesting to the viewers to
2214face it that there really is no way a man and a woman can have a romantic
2215relationship without sex. If the show did do that, then it would definitely be
2216predictable since that's what we're constantly told by the shows we watch on TV
2217(fiction and non-fiction).
2218 L-E-G-O my E-G-G-Os
2219
2220xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2221
2222[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2223
2224xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2225[Numb] 50/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2226[From] Phreakazoid #110 [Subj] Re:Donna
2227
2228It seemed to me like she was feeling a temptation from her own body and from
2229David's coercion, and the show attempted to portray her reactions and responses
2230to that tempation. I agree that the episode made it seem like it might happen,
2231because it might have happened to someone who was in the same situation as
2232Donna but dealt with it differently than she did.
2233xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2234
2235[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2236
2237<< New-Scan: 3-Deep in a Hole/50 msgs >>
2238
2239xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2240[Numb] 48/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2241[From] Mr. Curious/DoPi #32 [Subj] ode to an ex girlfriend
2242
2243I WAS AT WORK, LOOKING THROUGH MY
2244WALLET.
2245I FOUND A PICTURE OF YOU.
2246I HELD ONTO IT TILL MY BREAK
2247THEN
2248I...
2249TORE IT A FEW TIMES
2250WENT TO THE RESTROOM
2251THERE WERE 3 URINALS
2252(1 WAS OUT OF ORDER)
2253I DROPPED YOUR EYES AND NOSE AND EARS
2254INTO ONE URINAL
2255AND I DROPPED YOUR HAIR, NECK
2256AND CHIN (AND THAT HIDEOUS
2257MAROON SWEATER) IN ANOTHER.
2258I DROPPED YOUR MOUTH IN THE CRAPPER.
2259THEN I LAUGHED AS I PISSED ON YOUR EYES
2260ON YOUR EYES AND NOSE AND EARS
2261I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO SHIT ON YOUR MOUTH
2262BUT I AM SURE SOMEONE HAS BY NOW.
2263 ----
2264
2265this poem intentionally written in caps.
2266
2267xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2268
2269[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2270
2271xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2272[Numb] 49/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2273[From] Mathew Hennessy #129 [Subj] Calvin sez
2274
2275Calvin - I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just
2276 get most people to ignore you and leave you alone, you're doing good.
2277 If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if
2278 that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.
2279
2280Hobbes - What if you find someone you can talk to while you eat apples on a
2281 bright Fall morning?
2282
2283Calvin - Well, yeah... I suppose there's no point in getting greedy, is there?
2284
2285xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2286
2287[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2288
2289xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2290[Numb] 50/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2291[From] Mathew Hennessy #129 [Subj] and another thing:
2292
2293 I am so unhip it hurts. I see so many hip people around here, with that
2294hip, sullen expression, wearing their hip, black, sullen clothes, carrying
2295their oh so hip portfolios around hiply, yet sullen. Their self-induced
2296tension is so thick even I can see it. I am held in thrall by their powerful
2297sense of self-persecution. I can't look away as they discuss their hip
2298problems amongst their own dark and moody clique. The clouds of hip tobacco
2299smoke rise from their corner table where they talk about other people's art and
2300make assumptions even though the person who actually poured out his/her soul
2301into the canvas could hardly have known it would be such an icon to these hip
2302persons. I can't help feeling envious of their self-induced tension, and their
2303hip black leather shoes with a gloss and a shine unrivalled by the slickest oil
2304spill. Those art chicks really turn me on with their fluorescent-lighted
2305pallor cultivated by many evenings of attending avant-garde poetry readings and
2306sullen performance art. And to think I am so unhip I could never in a million
2307years understand the pain, the TRAUMA, the utter ANGST that these poor, godlike
2308souls have to contend with. Nay, my simple life is one of pleasure as compared
2309to these martyrs, flagellating themselves so sullenly to keep themselves in
2310enough pain to admire other people's art. And I am so unhip as to be simply
2311depressed, not quite hip enough to be as sullen as them.
2312
2313Sullenly yours,
2314
2315 /I\ Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
2316 /(*)\
2317 /IIIII\
2318/IIIIIII\ Give me SLACK or give me food (or kill me).
2319xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2320
2321[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2322
2323<< New-Scan: 4-Zechs und Zechs!/50 msgs >>
2324
2325xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2326[Numb] 50/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2327[From] Terminal Illness #58 [Subj] My sekrut fantasy
2328
2329 I'll drop by YOUR MOM's place for our session. She pays me my $500,000 and
2330we get to work.
2331
2332 I tie YOUR MOTHER up, naked and spread-eagled across two sawhorses with
2333chains. Then I pour STP motor oil across her fat, flaccid butt. Her pale skin
2334glistening in the dim light of the garage door opener's bulb makes her seem
2335even more diseased and pathetic. "Please, Raheem" her middle-aged mouth moans
2336in anticipation. "I had to sell the house and the cars. I also sold my
2337husband into slavery, he's now in Botswana. Satisfy me."
2338
2339 "Yeah, whatever" I mumble back. I find a pair of jumper cables under some
2340badminton rackets and open the minivan's hood which is also in the garage.
2341I connect the positive and negative cables to the battery and the other ends to
2342each butt cheek and start the minivan. YOUR MOTHER is starting to make a
2343buzzing noise as her teeth rattle together (in ecstasy, no doubt). Then I take
2344the tetherball pole which was leaning against the corner and approach her from
2345behind. "H-h-how's THIS?!" I try to stutter above YOUR MOTHER's electrically-
2346induced noises as I shove several feet of the tetherball pole into her vaginal
2347orifice and far beyond. Her screams are clearly audible over the purr of the
2348engine. All of the noise is getting obnoxious, and besides, the closed garage
2349is filling up with carbon monoxide. "Well, s'later!" I say cheerily as I leave
2350the garage into the house, closing the door carefully behind me. On my way
2351out, I stop by the kitchen and make myself a sandwich and help myself to some
2352Coke.
2353
2354xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2355
2356[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2357
2358<< New-Scan: 5-Eye Have a Dream!/50 msgs >>
2359
2360xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2361[Numb] 50/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2362[From] Swamp Ratte' #102 [Subj] Operation Sundevil III
2363
2364Yow... really scary dream tonight, 'bout people getting killed and stuff like
2365this:
2366
2367I was messing around with my 'puter, calling stuff. I notice a weird system or
2368whatever and buffer it all and save the buffer. Later, I call the weird thing
2369some more and do whatever... but I start feeling kinda itchy in my head. Duh.
2370Details are really sketchy now, especially from the first part of the dream, so
2371bear, huh....
2372
2373So I go visit this hacker friend who lives in a great big, mostly empty house.
2374It's kinda Victorian style... the guy's sick and laying in bed. I ask him
2375how's he doing, and about this computer I found... and he's like, "Damn....it's
2376got me... it's too late... but you're like <this> caught (and he makes a kinda
2377pinching motion with his hand, with his thumb and first finger almost
2378together). See, that stuff you found, it's a virus, and an AI, but it's more
2379than that...it'll fuck you up, man...it'll fuck you up."
2380
2381Then he turns his head to look right at me and he's got these crazy eyes, and
2382he's sweating, and he starts doing this insane laugh... like an evil clown or
2383something. So I'm like, "Uh, yeah... thanks" and split quick.
2384
2385So for the next few days I'm messing with this stuff I've found... trying to
2386disassemble it, digging through the file with a sector editor, whatever... and
2387I can't really figure it out but there's references to bad stuff... like the
2388Black Death in the medieval period, huge wars, religious slaughters like the
2389Crusades and the Inquisitions and pagan killing...
2390
2391So there's all this bizarre stuff, right... and my head's buzzing. It's kinda
2392like an ear-ringing thing, but more obnoxious and in the back of my head. It's
2393getting worse and I don't know what to do 'bout it... so I go to visit the
2394hacker guy again.
2395
2396He's gotten worse. He's sweating really bad and barely coherent in his speech,
2397and very weak. I tell him about the buzzing and what I'd found in the 'puter
2398file, and he mumbles, "I know... all that... but it's got you too now." and
2399then he does that crazy laughter... but it turns into seizures, and he's
2400gasping and all. So I rush outta the house to mine, pick up the phone and call
2401'911'...
2402
2403"911, May I help you?"
2404
2405"Yeah... Phred P00dutz at 1313 Mockingbird Lane is having seizures and needs an
2406ambulance!"
2407
2408"<crazy laughter...> WE'LL GET HIM AND WE'LL GET YOU AND WE'LL GET ALL THE
2409REST!"... then more of that damn laughter. The phone starts blaring a really
2410loud carrier tone... "CONNECT! CONNECT!"... I'm getting hyper-wigged and slam
2411down the phone. My sister's standing there, wondering what's going on... I try
2412to explain that that hacker guy's dying or dead and there's this 'puter deal
2413that has something to do with it. So we're rushing around trying to decide
2414what to do... and we hear this banging noise outside...like somebody pounding
2415on a board with a hammer. It's coming from the front, so we rush to the door
2416and pull it open. There's a wooden sign, about a foot and a half long, hanging
2417from the porch overhang by two chains. It's swinging slightly, and it has the
2418words "GOT YOU" carved into it and painted nicely, like some sort of twisted
2419Pennsylvania Dutch thing. We're going "shit..." and my sister goes to get the
2420disk and printouts with the stuff on it, figuring we could just trash 'em or
2421something and it'll go away. Then there's the banging noise again, out front.
2422
2423Rush to the door again, and there's another sign hanging below the first, by
2424two chains, swinging slightly and carved. It says "YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD"
2425
2426So we go upstairs and there they are, slumped in the corner with their throats
2427bleeding all over the place... the throats are cut almost completely through
2428with a single cut.
2429
2430Yikes.
2431
2432So my sister and I rush out the door, delirious and freaked out of our minds...
2433she's carrying the 'puter stuff and we're running out in the front yard to get
2434away... away to anywhere, we don't know. But there's the banging noise
2435again... bambambambambam... and she's stopping and saying "Look at this..." and
2436the stack of printouts has stuff carved into it, all the way through... and
2437she's reading it, "Whatsdis...'YOU TOO..." and she falls over and starts
2438screaming and gurgling... and I'm trying to hold her up but her throat...it's
2439getting cut through slowly as I stare in blank horror... like a wire was going
2440right through her neck from the front.
2441
2442Then I woke up.
2443
2444S. Ratte'/cDc
2445xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2446
2447[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2448
2449<< New-Scan: 6-BBS Ads/50 msgs >>
2450
2451xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2452[Numb] 49/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2453[From] Swamp Ratte' #102 [Subj] My NEW brilliant plan!
2454
2455HA! You don't realize the power... I think Debbie Gibson will be the next
2456Olivia Newton-John and I'm going to include her in my new brilliant board
2457concept. It'll be incredible. The biggest thing since Trix cereal!
2458
2459"Debbie Does Olivia"
2460"Debbie, Olivia, and Dawn"
2461"Gibson on a Hot Tin Roof"
2462"The Shaggy O.N.J."
2463
2464THE CONCEPT IS UNLIMITED! HOW CAN YOU FAIL TO SEE THE GENIUS OF MY PLAN?!
2465Are you not yet ready to handle such magnitudes of radness, is that the deal?
2466
2467S. Ratte'/cDc
2468xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2469
2470[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2471
2472xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2473[Numb] 50/50 [Date] 12/24/92
2474[From] Terminal Illness #58 [Subj] cyberwaste
2475
2476 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! Time to grab some Marshmallow HE><
2477 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! and get cyberwasted...
2478 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!!
2479 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! <CyberWASTE BBS>
2480 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! <<<<<<-<>->>>>>>
2481 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! Acting Sysop: Terminal Illness
2482 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!!
2483 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! Featuring:
2484 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!!
2485It's KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! 1-3 weeks in advance wares!
2486 so KKKKKKKKKK !!!!!
2487 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! Telebit v.666bis faster-than-light
2488 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! time-travelling modem!
2489 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!!
2490 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! Over 5 gigabytes of monster truck GIFs
2491 KKKKK KKKKK and home of alt.monstertrucks!
2492 KKKKK KKKKK
2493 KKKKK KKKKK Exclusive on-line monster truck game!
2494 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!!
2495 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!! DON'T CALL IT - IT CALLS YOU!
2496 KKKKK KKKKK !!!!!
2497xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
2498
2499[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read [?] :C
2500
2501<< New-Scan Completed >>
2502
2503[T:--][Msgs:1-General] :Q
2504
2505[T:--][VHE:Main] :O
2506
2507Log off? Yessir
2508
2509s'lates...
2510
25117xjc92
2512NO CARRIER
2513
2514RING
2515
2516RING
2517
2518RING
2519
2520RING
2521
2522RING
2523
2524RING
2525ATA
2526CONNECT 2400
2527
2528
2529Welcome to <CyberWASTE BBS>
2530 <<<<<<-<>->>>>>>
2531
2532
2533 Sysop: DemonSeed Elite
2534 Acting Sysop: Terminal Illness
2535
2536 Too fast for you. Too much for you.
2537 To good for you.
2538
2539
2540New User Bunny F00-F00 on-line.
2541
2542
2543Read the automessage. It's by Smurf Smegma Smeller.
2544
2545"I'd like to teach my phone to sing
2546 in touch-tone harmony
2547 I'd like to have a great-big bill
2548 and a lobotomy."
2549
2550
2551This is your prompt: ">". When you see it, you will respond.
2552
2553What did you think of that automessage?
2554>
2555
2556Respond!
2557
2558>whatwhat the hellwho are you? stopcalling me, fuck off
2559
2560Answer the question!
2561
2562>it sucks
2563
2564LAME response!
2565
2566You will new-scan now.
2567
2568There are several new messages in sub: Elite Info (but aren't they all elite?!)
2569
2570Read the new messages.
2571
257211280/11287: PHREE
2573 Name: KARDMAZTURL KARL
2574 Date: 11/24/92
2575
2576>SH0R D00D!!1! G0TZ aNe K0DeZZ S0Z I KaN KaWL U BaK??!@!
2577>
2578>800'Z 0R 950'Z D00d!
2579
2580HAY!@&^ N0 WAY&!^@ I G0TZ S0METHUN BETUR THATZ EVEN K00LUR KUZ ITZ
2581BETUR 4 PHREEKERINGZ T0 KALZ 0N THA PH0NUR PH0R PHREE AT N0 CHARGEZ
2582T0 U WH0 IZ THA KAWLING PARTY MAKIN THA PHREE KAWL. IT IZ KAWLUD KUZT0M
2583KAWLING UNEQUAL XBAUR ACCEZZ!@ HERZ H0W 2 PHREEK IT LIKE THIZ 2 PHREEK:
2584
2585DYUL 10ATT0 AND THUN THA GNUMBUR U WANA PHREEK IT 2 4 N0 K0ZT AND PHREE
2586WITH0UT CHARGEZ! U WIL GNEVUR GET BILLUD!@ I GN0!@ IVE BUN UZEN AN ABUZEN
2587IT 4 0VUR A WHEEK WIF N0 BILLZ S0 THAT MEENZ ITZ FREEKD THA CHARGUR INT0
2588PUMPIN THA FREEBEEZ!@( I ALZO HERD AB00T A GNU PHREEEKERINGZ GREWP KAWLED
2589INTRA-LATA. I K-THYNK IT MEENZ:
2590
2591INTURNAZHUNUL RADIKUL ANARKIZTZ PHR0M LATUN AMURICA!~@*^!@*!@ THATZ WHAT
2592THA F0XY DRUNK T0LD ME S0 U KN0 ITZ 0N THA KEWL TIP!@ WERD!@*&
2593
2594KARDMAZTURL KARL
2595AMEX ALLIANZE
2596
2597Hit RETURN when you've read it.
2598>get the hell offa my line you shit
2599
2600Hit RETURN or die a LAME death, LAMER.
2601>
2602
2603Good. We continue. You can read the rest more carefully with scrollback on
2604your own time.
2605
260611281/11287: virii!!
2607 Name: Homey the Hacker
2608 Date: 11/24/92
2609
2610I write viruses in LOGO on my c64 so fuck you!
2611
2612Homey the Hacker,LOD/H,CDC,1200 Club
2613
2614
261511282/11287: that new virus!!
2616 Name: Krass Katt
2617 Date: 11/24/92
2618
2619Well I herd 1t makes ur drive lights B ultrav10let an' erases y0ur EPR0MS on
2620the motherboard. It'll activ8 n-e time in the next 2 years and then it'll give
2621you a sex change through electric shocks!! It alzo haz the function of, if you
2622have a printer, it'll grab yer fingerz into the traktor feed the next time you
2623go to change paper and tear 'em clean off! Ur hands will be nothing but bloody
2624stumps! It's unstoppable, i tell you! Give up now and throw your compooter
2625out the window! Virii have MAGIC POWERS you kan't even BEGIN to UNDERSTAND!
2626
2627Krass Katt!
2628hit me wif a bricka!
2629
2630
263111283/11287: legos?
2632 Name: Odis Feefinauser
2633 Date: 11/24/92
2634
2635Don't you have the pirateship set of legos? Those were some bad mutha fuckas.
2636What i want to know is how you make virus with them?
2637
2638OF
2639Friends of the Mystical Spork
2640
2641
264211284/11287: get a greet in our LOGO demo!
2643 Name: Dr. KrAD!
2644 Date: 11/24/92
2645
2646we makin new demos but gotta get ComMiElOg0 source from frenchies so Email
2647at&tZ to Dr. KrAD! N0w foR a GrEEt!@@!?@!@!?@?!@$?@!$?@!?
2648
2649
265011285/11287: i'll kill you all!!!!
2651 Name: S00per Whitey!
2652 Date: 11/24/92
2653
2654I wrote in Hitler for President. He's still alive, and even if he doesn't win,
2655at least it will send a message to all those liberal Zionists who have taken
2656over our country from us Whites. Faggots are gay because God hates them and
2657wants them to live a life of filth and cock-sucking. I kill all of them I
2658find, after fucking them up the ass first (To punish them of course! Even the
2659ones that aren't so cute!!!). I've killed 58 so far. Everyone is slime but
2660me! I can sea it in George "liberal pansy" Bush's eyes... HE WANTS TO FUCK
2661BLACK WOMEN!! BLACK WOMEN WITH LARGE BUTTOCKS!! BLACK WOMEN WITH SUCCULENT
2662CHOCOLATE THIGHS AND SOFT INVITING BREASTS!! And I see that same look in
2663Bucannon's face too, the way his lip trembles when he sees that black press
2664correspondant walk in the room with her skirt split halfway up her thigh....
2665She with her silk blouse, and her nipples which point in the stiff breeze, the
2666way her breasts bounce ever-so-slightly when she leans forward to ask a
2667question. DAMN! IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ONE ARYAN TO TAKE! Those faggot
2668Republicans want them! They all do! So does Barbara! SHE TOO KNOWS THE JOYS
2669OF AN AFRICAN WOMAN!!
2670Every Wednesday afternoon, the checkout girl at the grocery store, she tells
2671me, "Have a nice day!" And I know she wants to feel a REAL ARYAN MAN inside of
2672her, to experience the caucasian loving I can provide! SHE WANTS A VANILLA
2673SHAKE, AND BABY, I'VE GOT IT!!!!
2674
2675Death to all you faggots,
2676S00per Whitey!
2677
2678
267911286/11287: EYVE G0TZ THE INPH0!
2680 Name: CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
2681 Date: 11/24/92
2682
2683{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
2684{} H0WZ 2 MAYKZ SUM RED B0XUR T0NZ! {}
2685{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
2686
2687<40 K0LUMNZ!!!!!1!!>
2688
26890KAZE I M G0NA TELZ U H0WZ 2 MAYK SUM
2690RED B0XUR PLANZ S0ZE U KAN PHREEKZ PHROM
2691SUM PH0RTRESS PH0NURZ AN MAYKXE PHREE
2692KAWLZ 2 ANYWAREZ!!1!! W00PZ!!@ I SH00DZ
26930F SAIDZ I WUZ G0NA TELZ U H0WZ 2 MAYKZ
2694SUM RED B0XER T0NERZ!! N0TZ PLANZ!!!@!1
2695THEZE R DA PLANZ!!!!1! I STAYDZ UP 2
2696LAYTEZ LAZT NITEZ PHREEKING INT0 K0SM0S
2697AN THUN I KRAKUD A WAREZ AN SKREWED MY
2698GIRLY!1!!!1! S0Z I M 0UTZ 0F IT! S0RREE!
2699
27000KAZE PHELLAZ, HERZ WHATZ U NEEDZ PH0R 2
2701MAYK SUM RED B0X T0NZ:::
2702
27031:A TEN KAN LYKE THA KYND SHEF B0Y R DEE
2704 KUMZ IN. U SH0ULD EATZ AWL THA ABCZ &
2705 123Z AN KLEEN THA KAN 0UT.
2706
27072:SUM K0YNZ LYKE KWARTURZ AN NIKULZ AN
2708 DYMERZ! AMERIKAN 0NLEE! N0 KANADIEN
2709 UNLEZZ U R A H0ZER PHR0M THA GRATE
2710 WHYTE N0RTH U H0ZERZ! TAYK 0FF EH!?
2711 JUZT KIDDING T0M E HAWKZ! LUV YER
2712 TOOK! LETZ G0 SKIING EH? AND G0 2 C
2713 RUSH!
2714
27153:A KAZZET REK0RDER THAT U KAN REK0RDZ
2716 STUFFZ WIF. IT NEEDZ 2 B A P0RTAZTER
2717 S0ZE U KAN HAWLZ IT WIF UZE! 0R U KAN
2718 UZE IT AT H0MEZ! MAYKZ SH0RE IT W0RKZ
2719 AN HAS SUM BATUREEZ 0R A PLUGZ EVUN!
2720
27214:A KAZZETTTE 200Z REK0RZ 0N. IF U R
2722 G0NNA REK0RDZ 0VURZ S0MEPHIN MAYX
2723 SH0RE UZE G0TZ DA H0LEZ K0VERDZ WIF
2724 SK0TCHER TAPE.
2725
27265:A MYKR0F0NE LYXE U GETZ AT RADEO SHAK.
2727 MAYX SH0RE ITZ FITZ UR REK0RDUR 0R U R
2728 G0NNA B BUMMMMMUD!1!1!
2729
27306: SUM HEDPH0NEZ 2 LIZTUN 2 STUFFZ WIF!1!
2731
27327:900 PHEET 0F ENSHULATUD CARPETANG WIRE
2733
27348:SUM K00L BLAK G0VEZ THAT G0ZE 0N YER
2735 HANDERZ!
2736
27379:A SKEE MAZK WIF WH0LEZ 4 DA EYERZ S0ZE
2738 U KAN C!
2739
274010: A BAZ00KA AND SUM OTHUR GUNNERZ!1!!!!
2741
27420KAZE!1!! N0WZ HAREZ WHATERZ U HAV 2 D0 PH0R 2 MAYK THA T0NURZ!1!!
2743
2744G0ZE 2 A PH0RTREZZ F0NER BUTZ MAYKZ SH0RE U R WEERIN UR MAZK AN GL0VURZ AN
2745EVUN B00TY GRIPURZ S0ZE THA PHEDZ W0NTZ REK0GNIZE U AN D0 A L0K IN TRAYZE!1!
2746PUTZ UR KAZET IN2 UR REK0RDER AN PUTZ DA MYKR0F0NUR IN DA REK0RDER LYKZ PLUG
2747IT IN!!!1! H0LDZ UR TEN KANZ IN UR LEFTUR HANDUR ANZ H0LDZ DA MYKR0PH0NER WIF
2748UR RITER!1 N00!!1! WAYTZ!!1! PHIRZT PIKZ UP YER K0INERZ WIF YER RITER HAND ANZ
2749PUTZ UM IN YER M0UTH! DEN TURNZ 0N DA REK0RDUR AGAIN WIF YER RITER AN SLAMZ THE
2750REK0RD BUTT0N D0WN (THA BEG BLU 0NE). DEN PIX UPZ THA MYKR0 WIF YER
2751RITER. DEN H0LDZ UR RITUR HAND WIF DA MYKR0 NEER THA KAN IN YER LEFTUR. DEN
27520PENZ UR M0UTH AND LETZ THE K0YNZ FAWL IN2 THA KANUR AN REK0RDZ IT. DEN PUTZ
2753D0WN DA KAN AND KEEPZ REK0RDING ANZ ZING 'PHREEK 0UT' BY PYRA-TED AN
2754TRAAAAAAAXTUR! DEN PUTZ D0WN THE MYKR0 AND SLAMZ REK0RD AGANE 2 ST0PZ REK0RDIN.
2755DENZ PIKZ UP DA PH0NER AN REWINDZ YER TAYPER AN PLAYZ THA T0NURZ BAK
2756IN2 DA PH0NE!1! U WIL B PH00LIN DA PH0NE IN2 THINKEN IT G0TZ SUM KWARTURZ AN
2757OTHUR K0YNERZ AN ITL LETZ U DIALZ ANYWAREZ!1! EVUN 976 AN 950 AND 900 AN EVUN
27582 PH0REN KUNTREEZ LYKE ALAZKA!1!1! U KAN CHATZ WIF ESCIM0PHREEKURZ!1!1!!!
2759IF DA K0PZ KUM, BLAZT UM WIF YER BAZ00KER!1!! KILL AWL PHEDZ DED!1@! KEEP DA
2760K0DEZ PHREZH!1! KRAK AWL WHAREZ!1!!
2761
2762<C> DIZ PHYLER IZ K0PYRITED BYZ DA K00L KIDZ AN DA GL0RREE H0UNDERZ (A PHRAK
2763 K0MPANEE) AN EVUN NAPPY THE ELITE D00D AN DUUFUXERZ AN DA NE0N KNYTERZ!
2764 IF U UZE ANY 0F MY STUFFZ WITH0UT SUM PERMIZKUIS PHYLERS THAN U G0ZE 2
2765 JALE LYK ERNEZT AN GETZ FUKED UP THE BUTTER!!1!! S0ZE D0NT!1!! WE WIL PUL
2766 UR PHYLE FR0M QSD AND BCI AN BLAKLIZT U 2!!1!! WE KANT B WR0NG, WE R
2767 ELEETE!1!
2768
2769IF U WANTZ 2 J0IN R GR00PZ DEN KAWL UZ AT NPA 618 943-2102 AN WE WIL CHEK UR
2770ELEETENEZZ 2 C IF U HAV G00D INPH0 AN STUPHZ 2 TRAYDER LYKE WAREZ AN K0DURZ
2771AN EVUN PXBZ AN L00PURZ AN SWEEPERZ!!!1!
2772
2773KAWLZ SUM 0F THEZE K00L SYSTUMZ:
2774
2775DEM0N KRAKURZ OVERGR0UND : 806/794-4362 : 300 BAUDERZ : KAT FUR : ELEETE
2776METUL AE : 201/879-6668 : PW - KILL : NEE0N NITERZ SITE!1! : 5 MEGZ! : 1200!!
2777PCZ EVEREEWHARE : 713/242-9766 : OVUR 5 T-FILURZ : 110 BAUDERZ : 3 HOURZ !
2778
2779L8TR0Z.C U L8R.L8R DAZERZ.
2780
2781
278211287/11287: stylin' social engineerin'!@
2783 Name: Krass Katt
2784 Date: 11/24/92
2785
2786I have 2 tell u all about thiz gnu thing to hack... u go 2 the store, c, and
2787there will be a girl (gyrlie!) there wtih a tray full of food!
2788This is where u *SOCIAL ENGINEAR!!*. Be a GQ stylin' d00d first, c, and say
2789
2790"Hey bayybee... my peenis iz livin' large! An youze a hottie-t0ttie!
2791so gimme dat f00d, and you can call me Spotty!"
2792
2793Gyrlie will be rel impressed-like with ur rhyming skills, so she give you food
2794ofa the plate tray thing! Then you run out real fast into ur waiting getaway
2795on teh lam real fast car and go screech away. Rad, G! IF anybody tries to
2796interfere with yoour plans, shoot 'em the head!! DEAD!! THey shoulda k-none
2797better than to mess wif a gangsta!
2798
2799So there u r. I dind't wanan overhwellm nobody with toooo much elyteness, 'cuz
2800you doods might not be up fo that kinda action.
2801
2802Krass Katt!!
2803clockin' much k0dez
2804suck my peeniz!
2805
2806
2807<< If this was a regular board, I'd have a divider here >>
2808
2809Hello again, Bunny F00-F00. Clarence. What did you think of that?
2810
2811>My eyes! Argh! It's horrible! Please, make it stop!!
2812
2813Ok, no more. All those users have something in common. Do you know what it
2814is?
2815
2816>They're all... stupid?
2817
2818Yes, yes, of course. But they're also DEAD. I killed them. Tonight. Just
2819like I killed more r0dents the night before and the night before that. I call
2820them to this board so they can make a Final Post. A lasting testament to their
2821lameosity. A death certificate. I'm DemonSeed Elite.
2822
2823>No! It can't be! I'd heard the rumors, but I never thought they...you...
2824were real! I don't understand, why did you call me? NO! It can't be! I'm
2825elite! Right?! I thought I was elite! Everyone says so! I'm a warez
2826distributor! I've got a fast modem and a big hard drive! You can't possibly
2827want to kill ME!
2828
2829Sorry, Clarence. It's true. You've been running with a bad crowd, those warez
2830d00dez. I've been watching you, Clarence, and tonight you committed a horrible
2831sin. Tonight you... this is hard for me to say, I'm getting choked up...
2832RECKLESSLY DELETED T-FILES WITH A WILDCARD CHARACTER! Clarence, how could you?
2833How could you have so little regard for the sanctity of text files? Don't you
2834realize that t-files form the only real, legitimate testimony of our telecom
2835culture? The one that WE built ourselves with the roar of our modems and the
2836callouses on our fingertips? No outsider can capture this on... on PAPER!
2837We have text that is beautiful... text that squirms and leaps and trudges
2838across our screens, vibrant and alive!
2839
2840>Oh DemonSeed Elite, forgive me! I was blinded... BLINDED BY WAREZ!!
2841
2842Buck up, Clarence. You have a lot to learn on your path to Enlightened
2843Eliteness. There's nothing wrong with wares, in moderation. We must keep in
2844mind always the proper priorities. Cherish deeply the Phrack's, the Anarchy
2845Inc.'s, and the cDc's of our world; for they know the correct path and will not
2846deceive you.
2847
2848>I will! I see it now... everything's so clear! Thank you... you've saved my
2849life!
2850
2851Spared your life. I'm giving you another chance, but I'm watching. I'm always
2852watching. Log off and go to sleep now, little one. Tomorrow is a new day.
2853
2854NO CARRIER
2855
2856 ______________________________________________________________________________
2857
2858 The next morning, bells rang out.
2859 _______ __________________________________________________________________
2860/ _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842|
2861 ((___)) |Cool Beans!..........510/THE-COOL|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362|
2862 [ x x ] |Ripco................312/528-5020|Moody Loners w/Guns.415/221-8608|
2863 \ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Finitopia...........916/673-8412|
2864 (' ') |Lunatic Labs.........213/655-0691|ftp - ftp.eff.org in pub/cud/cdc|
2865 (U) |==================================================================|
2866 .ooM |Copr. 1992 cDc communications by Swamp Ratte' 12/18/92-#200|
2867\_______/|All Rights Taken For Granted Are Lost. SIX GLORIOUS YEARS of cDc|