Txzb08ey

1
2judge dredd kicks the doors of the wtc mosque wide open and says "Well this looks like a big bunch of crap to me "
3
4huckleberry hound... talk about someone who needsto get his act together, pronto
5
6i highly suggest using hash tag #HuckleGate if you're a Journo who wants to print my tougjh but fair opinions regarding huckle berry hound
7
8do the " Macarana "? Ha. No thanks
9
10tokyo of nippon. the big apple. it is here i will forge my destiny selling printouts of my most Fucked Up posts. i sip off my beer cup & nod
11
12my 35 year old son is howling because he clogged the toilet without using any toilet paper again. the neighborhood despises my howling boy
13
14the other son wipes his ass too much. goes thrugh absurd amounts of tissue & has effectively thrown any respect for my household to the Dogs
15
16the 1st rule of my twiter account is read my posts with an open mind,. the 2nd rule is the fight club rules. the 3rd rule is simply Have Fun
17
18phenomenal http://t.co/OcgIteRKEL
19
20if your going to come on to here and PigeonHole the facts & embarrass your self you can go fuck off until you learn actual truth
21
22Guh? my father owned slaves and was extremely poor. stop portending false nomenclature
23
24Puh?! you're dangerously close to mmy blocker's list pal
25
26it is a shameful aspect of our family's past and im not afraid to confess and atone for it by posting messages about it online
27
28its true. my father owned slaves in the 1980s but he has since apologized & been forgiven with love and support. he's a nice man now.
29
30http://t.co/MiiFexb5VC
31
32hu... now im a man who likes his garlic butter.. let me tell you. in fact, im prone to saying that regular butter needs to step it up a tad,
33
34fuckin online fuckin idiots
35
36humbly Genuflecting myself before my girl followers, at the end of another red-letter sunday night on the comptuer
37
38concerned about people posting false lunches. lying about the food they ate on here. fraud meals. please start putting the receipts up
39
40 i smilin tonight fellas? Just got my hands on that new good treat to sip known only as simply "Bber".
41
42
43Look everyone. Im replying to this one too
44
45http://t.co/f5cQXmKS7Q
46
47all young men Must be fitted for a good Italian suit, ideally by age 4. i will not fucking apologize or back down from this
48
49bbeing passively aggressively retweet trolled by half wits & their beautiful girl friends just makesme say "Not before ive had damn coffee."
50
51pplease let me join mensa. my IQ is essentially, zero, but i have very good, clean hands
52
53nothing like pouring a fresh bag of kitty litter down the ass crack after another liberating diarrhea shit
54
55im a pleased as punch spoon-fed bitch and thats a bottom line
56
57about 90% sure i just saw a dog tossing garbage out of the back seat of someone's car
58
59im he nice man.. who celebrates all the saints who DOnt have holidays... and not just 1 day a year.. #Bless
60
61you see this..? *taps computer monitor with finger* this is not just a bunch of mixed up numbers and digits. this is a kingdom of Minds..
62
633 reasons to join the jackinf off without a condom movement:
641) Its good
652) Its free to join it
663) You dont need a condom to jack off
67
68once again i will take the path of honor, i will pledge NOT to watch the steve harvey fleshlight vid, no matter how good everyone says it is
69
70the steve harvey fleshlight vid now officially has more views than the critically acclaimed masterwork "Boyhood". we can do better people
71
72i should hope that people do not search "steve harvey fleshlight" after my repeated callings for the boycott of this video
73
74at around 36:29 in the steve harvey fleshlight vid you can see a single tear rolling down his cheek, crying for the lost souls watching him
75
76i had to fix the typo since they're probably going to print this tweet in Harper's
77
78sorry bartender. if i order the wrong beer the trolls will have a field day. lets play it safe. fiji water for me, with a Hint of pepsi
79
80109 year old man attributes long life to uncircumcised dick, no vaccines,
81
82im at the point in my life where i cant relate to any popular fictional characters unless they use massive amounts of hair gel and steriods
83
84how do people know how big their dicks are. is there an online quiz you can take
85
86scrolling down my feed..lauguhing my ass off at my own trade mark "Knee Slappers", my mouth stuffed with bread making beastly noises
87
88lost in the Maze... http://t.co/KaDXJo6Twp
89
90EEEEYYYYAAAAGGGGHHHH !!!! MY ASS ....
91
92funny that s.bucks suddenly wants to talk about race right after they throw me & my 7 service dogs out of their restaurant for being White
93
94the newest, shittiest one possible , owned by dick Cheney & hipsters, tweeting for pepsi bucks to promote abcs sitcom lineup
95
96clown college is bnot a real place. it is a location imagined by trolls so they can claim that i'm from there or that i should go there.
97
98CLERK: Do you have your reward card
99ME: Absolutely I do not. I shan't be taking money out of the hands of Best Buy using insidious exploits.
100
101auh yeah ! !! http://t.co/FLU9MRb5dn
102
103one more. good night http://t.co/BaZQ2mC5Do
104
105coax me into the toilet like a big bu g
106
107daily reminder to wrap your Shit in tin foil before flushing so it doesnt touch other people's shit
108
109if anoyne sees a blue thermos on I-95 that is a container of Stress Vomit my wife threw out of the car and i need to show it to my doctor
110
111real_damn_fairly_misanthropic_red_m_and_m
112
113the trolls: please Followback, and also Yolo
114me: HUh?? Shit for brians? Whuuuaa?? Egads. Homina Homina. Sweet Baby Crap. You're a fool
115
116forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet
117
118dont try to tell me it's spelled "clarence"./ i will not be april's fool
119
120ah ! your feeds going to blowup! loug out, quick!! http://t.co/OCJLGgEB1i
121
122its a joke you nit wits. Fuck all of you
123
124look at the calender. I'm not explaining this further
125
126you know what. im dropping the subject and going outside to sip some cool lemonade. Enjoy your circle jerlk
127
128wghen other people do jokes, they get the big buzz feed office, allowed to kiss girls,etc, but when i do it im treated like a Crook. typical
129
130so sick of these strained gags,
131
132im the reddit guy hwo ranted about an existential crisis i had after realizing all of jeff foxworthys "you might be a redneck" jokes were me
133
134my plan of my walk of life is always making one million smackers (dollars) to get rich, and to pick up all the money I find on the floor
135
136ME: These days everyone wants to suck their smart phones dick if u ask me.
137HIPSTER: Is that a new feature?
138ME: ((making bitter beer fsce)
139
140some times it takes a little bit of Free thinking to be able to look at the bull shit of the world to step back and say "Damn What the hell"
141
142"Why should there be only one good friday. Let's try our best to make all the Fridays good. Thank you" -a quote i invented which made me cry
143
144a visit.. from the easter man http://t.co/qK6xCdUeOU
145
146 a cot and pickin "tells it like it is "son of a bitch
147
148((restrained by cops and forced to watch a man put mustard on a bagel) nno!! you're ruining it! That's quality bakedgoods
149
150whicghever media wizards decide what you all are currently angry about should consider the grievous crap of people putting mustard on bagels
151
152im talkin normal mustard a nd would also go as far to also implicate Gouldon's "Spicybrown"
153
154going nuclear on smart asses today, with the block button, Whilst enjoying my normal life with a cup of Porter Brew and eating Main Lobster.
155
156im talking about main lobsteer, as in the good part of the lobster, like prime rib is to steaks
157
158yknow folks, not many things tell you theyre good right there in the name, so if you see things like Good Friday or Goodfellas i say Take It
159
160i''ll peruse the web at my own damn leisure and thats a fact jack
161
162do not show me this http://t.co/8GE5bvWIEb
163
164the new meat ball sub's sandwich at mc donalds is a home run and between you and me the taste is sensational and almost good
165
166"Soda is back" Only at Mcdonald
167
168enjoy your hot burger while children Piss freely in the colorful plastic tubes mere inches from your dinner, watch it flow down the slide
169
170Whua?? No sponsorship disclaimer? no my friends. im saying all of these things for free, because i need to
171
172i get hacked constantly everyday because i am a Clod with zero technical prowess
173
174pleased to announce, on the april of 9th, that i have signed a Truce with DigimonOtis, ending a feud that has persisted over several years .
175
176The ceremony will begin at 12:00 EST, wherein DigimonOtis shall unblock my account, and I will Follow him, officially ending this turmoil.
177
178
179Well, the time has come. But before I officially grant DigimonOtis the coveted follow, I would like to say a few words.
180
181thbe new Digiman game looks like shit for children& 2015 will NOT herald the Digiman renaissance tht Otis desparately needs to stay relevant
182
183Fuck Otis. I will never follow a bastard such as this.
184
185the Digimon Otis peace treaty will hence be frozen in piss and thrown onto the freeway where itll shatter into one million despicable pieces
186
187No !!!
188
189for $500, i'll follow oyu on here and steal your best posts. this is an excellent way to get your foot in the door if you ask me
190
191Nmot a single one of you has given me your account password so i can make posts about top airfare deals on your behalf, especially the girls
192
193(listening to a wolf howl off in the distance) do you hear that. thats the sound of another fav star trophy in the bag
194
195this weeks "Mother Fucker" award goes to BabePigMovieMan for saying my dick looks "Crumpled up like a napkin"
196
197good news folks, today i dreamt about buying Furniture w/my girl followers so i punished myself by slamming the toilet lid on my fat fingers
198
199bblast my dick with Pet Dander
200
201Hunter S. Quiznos
202
203"Stick It" to the bastards of Washington using this hot new WendysTrick: Bigtime WendyScam for Nonviable Bun Bargain; Pitiful & Effective
204
205
206a social network to help cops with dirty boots meet browbeaten civilians who want to Spit`s shine the boots for free.. my one true vision
207
208reduced my weight gain goal to 300 lbs at the advice of my doctor
209
210folks.. when isay I'm "Getting my nails done", im talking being hammered to the cross, by those infamous trolls we all think poorly of,
211
212(to women at party) Im probably the top most crapped-on guy at twitter. My options get trashed constantly and Im best fit to shut my mouth.
213
214#UNELECTABLE !! #DEADWRONG !! #MarcoRubio #TeamRubio #Rubio2016 http://t.co/5dONoyRGnk
215
216one of my neighbors kicked my big flaming barrel of shit and piss over & spilled burning waste all over my yard just because im an irish man
217
218im out here in the yard trying to clean up my turds with a hair brush
219
220ah! ive had my ass put to the terrible kingdom of hell, also known as "the devils playpen", and also "Satans Playpen"
221
222(in slick Dennis Miller cadence) guh,
223
224floks... whether you're young or old: Star wors. Does it every time
225
226Chheer's, and thank you, and good luck
227
228i love all the guys, from that show
229
230bastard, http://t.co/z1UcEH9Ebt
231
232my idea for a car, is that it looks like a normal car., but right next to the steering wheel Blammo. theres a hose you can suck beer out of
233
234whether its that Hot rock N' roll or Cool jazz, well we can know what the one thing is that we all can agree on, is that it is "Pretty good"
235
236get this fellas. i just doxxed MetalGearEric and his real name is: Ted Staircase. he lied about being an eric and his last name is staircase
237
238i already doxxed all his anagrams and the best one is "tract disease"
239
240i did it. i posted like a fucking cartoon character instead of a human for 7 years and finally got my free light bulb http://t.co/zuoezdz5bK
241
242this guy was driving around with a decal of calvin pissing on nothing in particular. you missed the point entirely wwith this baffling setup
243
244chaplain era silent motion pictures where basically the first subbed anime . click to read more
245
246lumbering dick head told off by albertsons cart boy for trying to siphon gas from a moped while dressed like a blues brother
247
248think im going to start incorporating the word "Gadzooks" into more of my tweets, to punish my followers, for their constant insolence,
249
250thank you. it hasnt been long but i can already say that having 200 k followers is exactly like being god from the bible.
251
252DontWantNoBullShit.
253DontWantNoBullShit
254
255"Worthless" county treasurer in hot water after releasing list of famous cartoon apes he would like to fuck
256
257
258Houly shit !!! The posts just keep on coming
259
260the dog from "Doge".. was assassinated today.. at the Pittsburgh Marriott durinng a "Meet & Greet".. point blank with a sniper rifle.. Weird
261
262REVIEW- EROTIC SILHOUETTE MUD FLAPS - 1 STAR: piece of shit. drags behind my Honda Accord and gets messed up. too long. not wortg the hassle
263
264maybe the ski mask guy who blasted the "Doge" dog across the room like a rag doll.. maybe he was all of us. my opinion. unfollow if u must.
265
266playing Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training (2006, NDS) 15mins a day gives me, i believe, the edge required to successfully deflect troll attacks
267
268Who Ever Left Their Pear Here. Come Get Your Pear http://t.co/6JIgZKrxYS
269
270ARMY: your nickname reflects poorly on us all. we're changing it to something like "raven" or "switchknife"
271ME: no. "hostage killer" is good
272
273world record: stupid ass hole drinks cup of coffee underwater
274
275ENJOYING BOND MMO?? JUST CRAFTED SOME REMARKABLE BOND GEAR WHILE YOU WERE BUSY TRYING TO FUCK THE NPCS WITH THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER JAME BONDS
276
277listen., pal, if you think im the kind of guy who doesnt wipe his ass, you're barkin up the wrong tree. my ass needs all the help it can get
278
279TWITTER: our records sjow..youre the least blocked guy here. 0 mutes
280ME: spectacular. Truly, truly miraculous. This is a sign.. to post more
281
282FOlks, please, do not hesitate to send me twitter content before you publish it, so i can tell you if it's acceptable, or if it's bull shit
283
284me and my laywer are discussing possible challenges that may arise from me asking a net girl to run me over with her car while i "pound off"
285
286i want "Damn KFC" nearly most of all the time !!! if it's not "Damn KFC" ill drop it like a sack of fuckin potatos !!!!
287
288workshopping some atrocious new kfc slogans "My oh my, The taste of it" "Kfc its a boys thing kfc" "aah!! Munch" "Help me get to kfc" "Hubba
289
290kfc commercial idea: a man is trying to get into kfc but he is too small to reach the door handle. he tries and tries and nobody helps him
291
292"thw word 'good'... when you hear it, you're almost guaranteed something nice" - TheTrendingBoy
293
294mature of u to post this. here's some real shit http://t.co/yVLd00pVFe
295
296pleae look at the facts.
297
298james bond learns how to do cartwheels from a wise eskimo on top of mt. everest and uses them to roll through a nuclear blast unscathed
299
300tge nicest thing about me is i have excessively dry balls which basically start flaking apart like a piece of strudel whenever I walk around
301
302i ruminate over a scrapbook full of middle finger pics to keep myself demure, respectful and humble. "i deserve these", i utter shitheadedly
303
304http://t.co/xOU9BurIja
305
306how dare you satirize my beloved fan base, the Lovely Boys of twitter
307
308im respectful of him
309
310the girls on this website are villains. all of then.
311
312do not tell my friend/colleague how to make his fucking posts. hes a really good account & ahs been suffering from bedbugs
313
314This is true
315
316yeah i just give my password away to people all the time because im dumb as shit
317
318plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits
319
320RT looking for communication Builder partnership with professional skills in Information Technology
321
322RT Beware of touching my gadgets
323All my gadgets is encrypted with full security system so that no one can leak my personal files.
324
325RT All girls are beauty
326
327RT Im singel bissness owner looking for gf leading to marriage no games
328
329RT i m single man looking for gf
330
331my reaction when people react to pictures of my reaction when im reacting to something good http://t.co/N0wsIZfLOS
332
333this account is now 100%, fully unbridled, Racist. Fuck you !!! http://t.co/iqDjFXJoQH
334
335Sigh. Mistakes were made, folks. http://t.co/oYZyEXbeUl
336
337I will be your Father. I will take you as my Son and teach you the ways of online. We will hold hands as our follower count reaches infinity
338
339http://t.co/XDq6MLh18u
340
341im all about getting out there and putting the posts up like im bad outta hell
342
343
344its just onne of those things you look at and say "oh its nice"
345
346 i just the man for the job? lets see. i love hamburgers, i love to help,
347HAMBURGER HELPER CEO: Leave these hallowed halls at once
348
349another thing that fuckin sucks is the gerber baby
350
351if i wasnt constantly debilitated from online-induced stress i could probably kick off the ass of any guy on here
352
353Sword's. The only blade known to man
354
355yeah, i think peices of shit for breakfast likeyou
356
357howling james dean lookalikes circling their choppers around me, swinging chains while i sit in the gravel and borwse the nintendo 3ds eshop
358
359horseplay is morally indefensible
360
361
362
363i fairly tend to use "Sarchasm" to destroy liars mentally, and if that's not yiur cup of tea, i have the 2 words for you which is Suck it !!
364
365Unamused by trash behaviour .
366
367accidentally severed my spine due to some bogus info i received on the computer
368
369telling secretary to hold my calls so i can spend some time lookinh at girls' avatars with a loupe
370
371get to hell you shape-shifting finagler
372
373don't you dare make me type
374
375i was going to reply that it was actually written in "mike judgement" but I backspaced it out
376
377ill take.. the whole damn lot !!!!!! http://t.co/wkIMOvWaeJ
378
379"the online web. truly a touching testament to the power of... deeply Human connections." -what Abe Lincoln would say if he were alive still
380
381i got in the newspaper twice. once for my good posts, and once for screaming while still in the womb somehow
382
383[UmbrageLiker has joined the chat]
384PleasantBoy: GET HIM OUT OF HERE
385NiceKeeper: NOT ON MY WATCH
386KindBarber: FUCK OFF !
387Helper: THIS IS AWFUL
388
389soon we shall all be meme 's, graceful and dignified on the net, our crude human forms long forgotten
390
391cold butter popcorn. tjust throwing that one out there
392
393ME: waiter...give me a shitty joe
394WAITER: (wow..this guy just ordered a sloppy joe in a bad ass way i never heard before. powerful move.) Ok
395
3961-800-VamoOSe
397
398TWITTER APP: THree different guys you know just faved the same damn tweet. This is breathtaking. What are the odds
399ME: please locate my wife
400
401sen larry craig(R): DuRr I have a wide stance
402Me: Cmon. If this guys for real. Then I got a bridge to sell ya.. and I just ran outta bridges
403
404my annual "Cum tribute" to the Ford Focus will no longer be archived in the library of congress due to partisan gridlock and meddling taxmen
405
406prince hussein...wheres my goodboy bailout
407
408university lost accreditation when nickelodeon slimed the dean, degree is useless, 200000 in debt & back in diapers, love getting ass kicked
409
410DisgruntledStepSon
411
412Hhm, Nope http://t.co/6B7hfKNPWu
413
414(after hearing the library has games , i arrive at the front desk, disguised as a non-gamer) er.. im here for some.. book's
415
416theres a 3rd babe movie where he turns into a human at the end. beautifully done scene. the pigs dream comes true. the government Blocked it
417
418shutterstock has hit hte concept of "A young atheist" out of the damn park with this one. bravo http://t.co/YXstO2Snho
419
420Well, thats your opinion.
421
422special thank you to that one guy who is really upset about some marco rubio incest joke i made on here and keeps sending me scary emails
423
424im sorry for calling you "Unelectable" just because you changed your name to "The Incest President"
425
426Well, it'd better damn friday
427
428only if it's on tv
429
430 a dumb ass southern gentle man who wouldnt know a re tweet from a ragdoll in this court room to-day
431
432let me finish,
433
434the church of nice post,s
435
436(i descend from the heavens) I'm uh, netflix is good (i go back up to heaven)
437
438im seated down, and Ready to get pissed off.........
439
440http://t.co/JGe62Vk0Qg
441
442The Two Steaks Bastard . http://t.co/PZp9TpN1Vs
443
444too much pressure from society saying we all got to learn how to self suck. iwill never self suck my dick and im unfollowing anyone who does
445
446stop flooding the #stolenvalor hashtag with army man shit and only use it to report plagiarized Dril content, please and thank you
447
448alright netheads, Click the damn window out. Go outside. Mnake a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato slice. "Thank me later"
449
450 the sole proprietor of the "Ren Stimpfani" joke, and that all attempts to replicate it are for the garbage can.
451
452gaining a new followefr.. that, to me, is a real "A-Ha!" moment
453
454The Brand Ayatollah
455
456((pulls gun out in bank) NObody MOVE OR ILL BPLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF (empties a shit load of free lollipops & dog biscuits into big jeans
457
458#SeedPig for podunk nit wit
459
460some names for potential new nintendos, after the super nintendo: the good nintendo, the nice nintendo, the helpful nintendo; more to come
461
462evolution of doritos: cool ranch --> cooler ranch --> cool ranch again --> epitome ranch --> lousy ranch --> apotheosis ranch --> shit ranch
463
464RT Biotene is by far the #1 dry mouth product in the world !!
465
466RT Wow....Everyone was tweeting about FREE Biotene Gum at Walgreens. #biotene #drymouth #dental #freestuff #dealseekingmom #dentist #deals
467
468out with dentists, in with mouth gurus
469
470Im Very Upset with girls *impossibly low-res bikini babe robo-posting about heartworm meds follows me* Just kidding. Im only mad at the boys
471
472*does something fucking stupid or embarrassing in between tthe asterisks and doesnt expect anyone to wonder why im typing it out* im normal,
473
474llove "Driving Um Wild" with my trade mark wrong opinions
475
476painting an exquisite 12 foot mural of martin luther king jr dressed as a cop, entitled "The Dream Realised", to prove im not racist at last
477
478http://t.co/jFaLmP7y6W
479
480my favorites list is an extremely important art project and i'll thank you not to interfere
481
482
483#MyDreamCarWouldHave a big ass i could fuck
484
485I hate the really small salt shakers and long for the times when we owould be inclined to more often use the big salt shakers at restaurants
486
487Shut the fuck up http://t.co/Zf89wVtyco
488
489RT how bad does your pussy hurt becuase I'm successful?
490
491(in forced toughguy voice ) What the fuck is a clove of garlic. Around here we call it piece of garlic
492
493(POsturing like a dip shit at the public pool) My father owns no small number of shares at the smirnoff ice company. Let me be the lifeguard
494
495dont !!!! http://t.co/EKGe69SRrL
496
497digging thorugh all the trash cans and dumpsters at e3 in search of condoms containing genetically superior gamer cum
498
499beautiful e3 conference from the Police. THreatened to trap all crooks. Spinning handcuffs around. Elaborate boot play. No games to announce
500
501oculus allows you to smoke wii remote like a cigar and blow heaps of smoke in celebs faces
502
503guess what. i have the brain of a Human. i have a Human's brain
504
505http://t.co/s8KMF9tlXy you will pry it from my cold muscular hands, fucker
506
507"before we begin todays ball game, user would like a few words on Dairy Queen" the audience boos as i traipse the field in my tiny car
508
509my "Ass Ceremony" is solely to blame for all thre bad earthquakes. if i knew it would have caused the earthquakes i would not have done it.
510
511youll all be glad to know that my soul has undergone some much needed healing after i apologized for the earthquakes which killed thousands.
512
513i'll heal him
514
515;i help girls now
516
517how come nobody ever helps me when im playing team foot ball. i beg for the other players to help me and they refuse to #theThursdayNiteRant
518
519
520people are telling me that i have no right to post the thursday nite rant on a tuesday. SCREAMING it to me
521
522limiting the thursday nite rant to one day of the week ... its just not good for gthe brand
523
524now youve done it, teens. the official mr bean account is closing because you all kept calling him dad
525
526im not going to eat mcdonalds becuase bacteria refuse to break it down. instead ill eat the food bacteria love the most: raw chicken & turds
527
528. http://t.co/iHzeWAxTPz
529
530DIVORCE GURU: gaming is a right, not a privilege. remember that always.
531ME: Thank you divorce guru
532
533committing unforgivable crimes against nautre in my laboratory ,trying to create the next genetically discombobulated meme animal
534
535this would be Twitter, a Web site for fu&%in' adults. Yeah
536
537dictating some more nice posts to my keyboard boy while my wife straps me to the big spinning crross
538
539any one who posts snark of my dear friend Bobby Jingle gets the head blowqn off shot gun style and is not allowed to have a real grave .
540
541dont talk to me of trade agreement when the only thing we can agree of is that charlatans & mad hatters have overrun the waushington office.
542
543What can i say. WHen its the game of politics, its open season on everyone who has entitled and ignorant views of opinions. No filter
544
545http://t.co/H9mFWPhmO4
546
547ssure. ill concede that this landmark decision is a step in the right direction. BUt people who pre-order games are still getting swindled .
548
549do not shorw me your mystifying cowboy slurs at this point and time http://t.co/7pCPUNdFXT
550
551MarioGodKenneth is stuck in israeli prison again and ive received $0 in donations towards his bail.
552
553no
554
555doing my Civic Duty (evading tax's) while laughing at trolls threatenning to do arson to my house
556
557what can i say. my hatres are my motivators (gets pic of nude man covered in syrup sent to inbox) FUCk. Please stop
558
559always looking for exicting new up and comers in the realm of breathtaking digital online content to block
560
561donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon
562
563ounts of flagrant screwball tweets with words like "Tedious" followed by a period
564
565The dog days of summer,. Its the dog days of summer everyone (Flapping gums aboutn othing, doesnt know what dog day is, knows he fucked up)
566
567ive trademarked the term "The guy who fucks up" so if you see someone else using it pleaase stick my Fair Use brochures to their car
568
569just meeting up with one of my real life friends; pictured here. http://t.co/JgYf0Q0IAN
570
571http://t.co/4KmDhnBsjp
572
573and folks.. we cant forget aobut Tennis Shoes (Audience boos.) Are you Tennis, or are you shoes? Who'd'y'a'think'ya're ? (Applause)
574
575" If U like a good song
576I wont steer ya wrong
577Cocaine
578Its Got guitar and drums
579So please listen to some
580Cocaine "
581
582
583im the pro-neurotoxin, anti-vaccine, son of a bitch cop!!! i love rolling around in disease and spreading it to dumbass civilians
584
585Nobody Checks My Son For Head Lice With Out Getting Past My Police Issue Hollow Point Smith & Wesson Which Gives Everyone It Shoots Leukemia
586
587pleae check this out: Hostler Magazine
588
589
590
591listen here blues traveler. pretty much all musicians travel you dumb ass. you should name your band "blues redundant guy"
592
593click that fave button if i did good.
594
595i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one hockey match. goalie vs goalie in the frozen arena. three pucks
596
597entire bullshit of gas prices deconstructed by large boy who is partial towards treating him self
598
599The jokes, Ladies and gentlemn. The jokes
600
601Geting my dick sucked in Unreal Engine 4. Flushing toilet in Unreal Engine 4. Having shit beat out of me by greasers in Unreal Engine 4. Wow
602
603yes sir. im sorry sir. (hangs up) that was the mayor of reddit. he wants this account spick and span of dick jokes before the handover
604
605DVD: FBI WARNING
606Me: oh boy here we go
607DVD: The board advises you to have lots of fun watching this Hollywood movie
608Me: Ah.. It's a nice one
609
610"Litter Box Fucker"
611AUDIENCE: (LAughing already)
612WORKING CLASS JOE: Im going to fuck the litter box now.
613AUDIENCE: AWuooo! Hoo hoo!
614
615unban me from college http://t.co/q57sgQ1uxi
616
617long horn steakhouse should not refuse to honor my coupons just because theyre wet http://t.co/zODZEYLQkY
618
619im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me http://t.co/wbpeGpu7JI
620
621im startingmy own version of bill maher's "new rules" called "Good rules". It's going to fucking suck
622
623people get mad at me when i riff on Current Events so ill just say this. im enjoying cooking turds on the grill regardless of what day it is
624
625krusty should not be on the simpson family's roof. this is hell
626
627he belongs at the circus with his friends
628
629if youre one of the guys who blocked me on here, i Forgive you, and im ready for you to unblock me now.
630
631rodent website
632
633if you odn't subscribe to every last one of my vague, yet cocksure beliefs regarding the Portuguese , i will never make eye contact with you
634
635just deleted 23,000 tweets at the request of Sbarro. feeling Purified
636
637if you don't know how to use a Lathe you deserve to eat dog shit
638
639http://t.co/0mnaAvzRdL
640
641the boys are enjoying their fave jukebox when ths sarge steps in
642SARGE: TURN OFF THE DAMN JUKE BOX! ITS WAR
643ME: Fuck u sarge. The armys crap
644
645phaw!! 2am!.. time to go hit the hay (jacks off and comes back ot the computer)
646
647i only jack off for the amusmement of my followers, who have come to expect this sort of bullshit from my account.
648
649RT SR 429 will be closed THURSDAY night between and 441 from 11 pm to 5 am. Use as an alternate. http://t.co/UVlZU4coHT
650
651RT Join We the People
652
653RT Boys only need to style their hair get dressed and their ready, while girls need to get dressed, put on makeup, get their hair done! RESPECT
654
655RT No matter what you do. Do not get sexual with a woman over a text message before getting sexual with her in person. Big mistake.
656
657RT Real guys are are athletic and can play every sport with no problem
658
659RT Listen Girls. We don't care about your fucking feelings. We just want to Fuck You Right In The Pussy! #GirlProblems #truth
660
661RT Shit
662
663RT If a hot ass woman walks by, we're going to check her out! #truth
664
665RT You say you miss me you say all you want to do is kiss me,but at the end you are with another guy so you just diss me..
666
667RT 在bbrother新書裡看到你的側臉，鼻頭一酸，我不能哭，因為我們已經回不到過去了。
668
669RT watching pregnant man
670
671RT it's never to early for Twitterafterdark when your horny.
672
673RT Farming gold in selfish way causes team unrest but can cause you to be fed You must balance talk to your team about how to farm in a fairly
674
675RT I hate bull shit!
676
677RT Fuck lobster fest!!!
678
679RT FUCK THE SPENCER THEATER OF ALTO NEW MEXICO. And FUCK lobster-fest
680
681RT YEAH FUCK LOBSTER FEST!
682
683soirry. i didnt know retweeting "fuck lobsterfest" would make me lose 200 followers. ive learned my lesson so feel free to follow me again
684
685my frank assessment: theyre both bad.,
686
687you pick up some political cartoon paper & see a shitty grave drawing captioned with "Burt Be-Gone" and its intended to be respectful & nice
688
689#NewFastFoods Fast bread
690
691Have you ever wanted to click X on a bastard
692
693commercial idea for Michelob Ultra—a bumbling imbecile ransacks his apartment to find the guy who took a dump in his glass of michelob ultra
694
695"Durr michelob ulta would taste the same if it had a turd in it" -Suppressive Persons with little on their mind but mischief and mayhem
696
697i offer my toilet to the mail man everyday. my toilets not good enough for the big important mailman apparently. mailman is a bad job anyway
698
699It'd be an honor for you to use my toilet Mr. Mailman. I must make clear i dont intend to film you or collect your waste. My toilet is clean
700
701i absolutely deserve tax credit for offering my respectable toilet to government employees whenever i can
702
703(passes a man in a hardhat toiling over a roadside utility cabinet in 100 degree weather in my black convertible) Nice Fedora Dip Shit
704
705i think my goal in life is to start a football team named "The Baseball Preferrers" and our gimmick is to get as many penalties as possible
706
707I hope hes ready to see a man urinate on the field of baseball
708
709Jsut count the faves. Thats what i say. The people of twitter want urine
710
711Waiter, by the advice of the Chicago Tribune Id like a Dash of Ground Cumin on my Farm Fresh Egg. Oh! Too much! I withdraw this transaction,
712
713http://t.co/XYrQaKTmq4
714
715the "No Bullshit" award goes to this guy for being bossed around by gas station employees & giving them a poor review http://t.co/SRps5X8qaA
716
717its me again, from the website. admit that the berenstain bears are for adults or i will strategically headbutt your father to death
718
719stick to the "Dug Out", chump !!!
720
721i love to hover hand my gf in pictures. (gets Owned across various media) sorry. Sorry everyone. I forgot that was bad
722
723every room in every home must have a Host
724
725https://t.co/Whcb30VFPT
726
727spaghetti and meatballs... now theres a #ClassicCombo
728
729well it goes to show you that the trolls will gladly stoop so low as to shit upon the #classiccombo of spaghetti& meatballs we all hold dear
730
731im a reasonable mans son who thinks that putting a dash of venom into my favorite roast pork hoagie will make it Spicy instead of killing me
732
733THinking of a "Boy's Day" of twitter..won't post specifics due to trolls, but basically all girls will nicely be asked to log out for 24hrs,
734
735Asap, cretin
736
737this is what boy's day is all about. just some boys going to pool
738
739there is no such thing as a baby animal. they are all adults from birth. sorry if my opinion offends you
740
741i will not close my account until the sport of golf is rightfully named "golfball" like the other ball sports
742
743the Ins & Outs of my ass; "Regarded As Low Quality" by famous Dr. House, in banned episode unfit for public consumption, Bullshit Bullshit.
744
745never knew that anything was good or bad until i got on the computer, i had always assumed that everything was Average until i got yelled at
746
747im the dip shit top replier who goes into every thread about someone being afraid of moving out and says "Dont forget to buy a plundger"
748
749Frowning Principal Exposed To Beer Content On Time Line
750
751#FreeSlurpeeDay they dont ever wash the slurpe machines. the cops found a shitty waynes world baseball cap inside one of them
752
753if you like the band "Shinedown" you will love this video of me getting trounced by police officers while demanding to meet them
754
755please everyone search for shit like "autism microchip" on youtube and look at all the thumbnails on their videos http://t.co/V25172FH5s
756
757"flouride 666" http://t.co/qi41qxW72d
758
759second result for "playing violin" http://t.co/PEDAs818hf
760
761why'd there suffering in this world.................
762
763(bowed head solemnly rises from deep thought) Intellidgence is the strength of wisdom
764
765
766well, he blocked me now, so i cant
767
768my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infants
769
770every woman ivr ever spoken to would describe our correspondence as "Graceful"
771
772my page is a tornado of Slur's...
773my inbox is a viper pit of horseplay...
774my desktop is a Clown's Tent for bastards...
775
776THe Eagles is a team of football who i respect & admire. Their commitment to touchdowns is good. They are athletic when it comes to sports
777
778THis is not a "Meltdown". Its a normal opinion
779
780well if it was allowed, id go with a banana thats the average amount of ripe, as i believe it offers the "Best of both worlds"
781
782Perhaps consider making that option available in the future for those of us who don't eat out of the dumspter.
783
784iwant to be pummeled with carpet beaters by eastern european grandmas and make big awful clouds of dust
785
786always take my stagecoach full of pit bulls to the Range . because my girls love to watch me shoot
787
788ME: hey ed. whats good to shoot at the range today
789ED: Someone threw a big bag of packing peanuts out there. Its good to hit it with bullets
790
791*ffires 400 rounds at a piece of shit log until it slumps over* Take that adam landza
792
793i show up at the range wearing a t-shirt that says "I Wont Wear The Earplugs" and i m promptly directed back to my car by staff members
794
795CLICK ON MY POST 10000 TIMES IF YOU ARE WORKED UP OVER COMPUTERS
796
797They both stink
798
799"Gotcha"
800
801When you "FAve" me, you are effectively throwing a " Treat " into my mouth
802
803just remember what it is we're all fighting fo.r... http://t.co/ucS2wcLgje
804
805(sees no soliciting sign outside Wendy's) damn it!!! fuck! i really wanted to solicit to wendys!!
806
807honey mustard likers... heres a one million dollar idea for you "honey ketchup"
808
809http://t.co/iaN723k0mo
810
811scarce, low quality content and an abundance of wrong opinions is the reason the cavemen went extinct. thats my beliefs bitch
812
813my q uote of the season "Its almost summer time so lets hop in the pool"
814
815you deserve my worst offer, which is "2"
816
817i iwsh he blocked me so i could talk shit about him, but now i have to say the gofundme is good and im glad hes doing it.
818
819wow this 40lb bag of dog food is only $30... why do dogs get all the bargains
820
821https://t.co/dSAHksi5nY
822
823sell my account to "Wild Flava" (@FlavaWild) for $2000? this is perhaps the most difficult decision i;ll ever face . http://t.co/ZBYr8N6ZSR
824
825on one hand $2000 will barely even cover the cost of my large amount of mansions. on the other hand i respect the wild flava brand immensely
826
827i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times
828
829does anyone have any tips and tricks for someone about to own a Balcony. Can i take beer on it
830
831trolls: Lets jerk off to the teletubbies and. barney
832me (to followers): Are u seeing this. Are you seeing thi s. Am i the only sane man left
833
834archaeologists 1000yrs from now are going to find my embalmed turds and assume they were part of some sacred ritual. NOpe im just a dumb ass
835
836doesnt matter whose mouth they find them in. we'll all be dead. who cares
837
838w*akes up on the morning of july 18th 2015 sick and tired of Snooki and HoneyBooBoo* Wheres my damn nuke bomb...
839
840
841the adrenaline rush i get from posting gives me the energy to walk to the toilet, and the endorphins i get from shitting allow me to post
842
843just indignantly threw $799 gamer keyboard into koi pond because i got pissed off by the craze that is sweeping the nation known as Planking
844
845"Crowdpleasers"... Now these, I like
846
847Fool!! Bastard!
848
849my repulsive cohorts and I are searching the woods for tree sap so we can rub it all over our hands and improve our golf grip
850
851im assigning a letter grade to all the looney tunes at 10:00PM EST sharp. this is a once in a lifetime event. please do not miss it
852
853sponsors are telling me not to post them. but idont give a fuck. im sick of being pushed around. this is my account & thats the bottom word
854
855Bugs Bunny: B
856Elmer Fudd: A-
857Tweety Bird: F
858Daffy Duck: C+
859Porky Pig: D+
860Theyre the only ones i can think of right now. My hands are shaking
861
862evvery other Friday the sheriff guides me around the jailhouse and lets me expose myself to the villains, and thats #MyTGIF
863
864thank you all. your kind donations of $400000 will keep me alive for 1 more month, after being fired for looking at racist swords on my ipad
865
866i followed you after you promised to wear the diaper to work if you reached 5000 followers. i needed it to happen
867
868well i cant follow yiou now that you've asked for it. then everyone will be asking for the damn follow, and i cant handle that
869
870Does anyone know how important is this. http://t.co/XLtJAtdnM2
871
872what is the best kind of acid to spray my own dick with as a joke
873
874suigh... this weeks Bone Head award goes, once again, to my ex-wife, who just bought a stupid ass looking refrigerator
875
876its disgusting to create the illusion on tv that animals are talking with cgi or otherwise. a disgraceful tactic
877
878#TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter im going to piss all over your car. for being a Writer.
879
880now you see, what i like to do is consider my page to be a "No Frown Zone", because of the consistently good quality of my messages i put up
881
882mods!! mods! one of those obscene low follower count boys stole a lick from the delicious lolly that Father bought me!! ah! how dreadful !
883
884alrigt jack asses. before you "Go In" on me, heres a quick recap of the jokes i invented:
885- Dogs (Anything mentioning them)
886- The Weed Fairy
887
888"don't tread of me", the famous words of that good snake who doesn't want to get stepped on, the noble slithering bastard I relate to most
889
890SUCJK MY DICK http://t.co/cbU6JrAuDS
891
892no.that's a cruel myth
893
894I will murder him
895
896im sorry to Wawa for attempting to behead myself in one of their restrooms. i promise to take the Wawa experience more seriously from now on
897
898i know im a dumb ass for expecting a serious response from the chucklefuck brigade, but can someone please tell me if im circumcised or not
899
900the infamous millennials are more interested in (consults notepad) being nickeled and dimed by the tax man than (squints) distilling vinegar
901
902i can only hope that when a kangaroo court of dipshits comes to haul me to prison that i have the grace and humility not to get mad at them
903
904founnd a cicada skin stuck to my nefarious pud
905
906the maligned Villains of my story., my ass and dick, are known to drive my readers the most wild and turbochagrge engagements & impressions
907
908(pitching the Michelin Man) hes this big white dipshit and people associate him with tires for some reason. he has no personality. no jokes
909
910http://t.co/OFFawMWrbx
911
912LawAndOrderGal has entered JeansChat
913LEVIS_GAURDIAN: NEED A FUCKING DRAINAGE RIG THAT WONT SCALD MY THIGHS
914LawAndOrderGal has left JeansChat
915
916Priest: and the lord said, take this delicious McDonald and eat it, for it is my body and it will be given up, for you
917Me: Insanley badass.
918
919survey - please tell me which one is "Most good":
920>Perfect meadows in every direction
921>A Man wheezing into the toilet
922>Bobs BigBoy PattyMelt
923
924i hear in some cultures they crap in their hand first before putting it in the toilet. thats fucked up to me. just shit it directly in there
925
926If you do this: Fuck you http://t.co/9RBuLcCun3
927
928tormenting lab animals with my huge vibrating ass
929
930hm.. the essentials... well what can i say. you gotta have em baby http://t.co/8Edkr2U60c
931
932UNITED NATIONS: ah!! please help us! we need just a normal man's opinion!! we got you a seat
933ME: How'm I to trust you, while God is bleeding
934
935i have every net flick
936
937windows..on behalf of all boys online, INCLUDING the trolls, id like to extend a well-deserve "Thank You" for putting updates in my computer
938
939am I the most dark & twisted psycho god online?? hm lets see:
940- When the dow jones industrial average goes down i say simply the word "Good"
941
942u cant bruise a rib. only the skin around it #Annihilated
943
944ill simply let the fav counts do the talking. as i normally do when dealing with cra[p.
945
946Childish. i dont have time for links
947
948i respectfully will not
949
950im sorry everyone. i should not have commented on the ribs. i never could have known this would happen
951
952feeling devilishly Racist today... might apply just a smidgen of Blackface before i go out chasing cars
953
954http://t.co/OZYFNThDkB
955
956RT Like everyone, we are deeply offended by the fake story and ad created by The Onion.
957
958bush was the president who likes oil. correct? so what i think is that its actually "Castor oil", because he leaves a bad taste in my mout!!
959
960front of my shirt: " YES: MY PATIO IS HAND-WASHED "
961back of my shirt: a convenient bullseye so people can shoot me if they want to
962
963released statement regarding Grumpy Cat urinary tract infection: "Grumpy Cat is in a lot of pain, but still wants to entertain you at shows"
964
965http://t.co/ZhirkDLIwE
966
967Ah!! Ah! once again, the flap-jawed trolls have deliberately misinterpreted my constant attempts to get a girl friend on here as " Sexual "
968
969Once again, those dastardly, Devious trolls have installed a device underneath my computer desk that shoots me in the dick every time i post
970
971the most popular of my weekly features is returning in 2016. thats roight folks. #WaterboyWednesday no further info at this time.
972
973bramds http://t.co/BCkDV2xGTM
974
975im a bush-league yokel who should be put on the floor
976
977http://t.co/54vIlDx0Rf
978
979each 'Ridge' in your crinkle-cut potato chip costs 4 gallons of precious slave blood to create and adds a satisfying "Cruntch" to every bite
980
981The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen
982
983i believe that jade healm 15, and the markets going haywire, youve got a "Witch's Brew" of bull shit
984
985Im sorry? Are u "Going in" on me?? Am I being "Gone In" upon just for p osting my time-tested opinions about girls holding forks incorrectly
986
987if you want the real bargains during boys night out... gotta go with the Children's menu... every time
988
989Love To Scrimp, Hate To Save #TheFinalWordOfIt
990
991RT #BurgerKing 20, maybe up to 50, decomposed bodies found in truck in Austria - Hindustan Times: Hindustan Times20, maybe up ... #Pakistan
992
993the inventor of the famous "Love to Scrimp, Hate to Save" tweet... FINALLy taking pop culture to task... "You gotta see it to believe it"
994
995(vomits while dioing pushups at the gym and resists every attempt from professional trainers to stop me from continuing)
996
997i rise; spreading my arms, exuding fluorescent spheres of energy, each representing an Unfollower, Cuasing me a great deal of pain,Screaming
998
999Im going to make 1000 videos of fuck nasa.
1000
1001https://t.co/EdReabDAtP
1002
1003
1004should i do this?? boys?
1005
1006Ah, thats a Blocked.
1007
100815 years ago the most shocking thing online was a picture of a man spreading his ass cheeks open. today, it's my opinions about Wet shaving
1009
1010fav if you think adults should have access to toilet time
1011retweet to see the face of G-OD
1012ignore and get th e word "Liar" branded into flesh
1013
1014Nuffs aid. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need i say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say
1015
1016STREET TOUGH: HEY. VERIFIED ACCTS ARENT FAVING U ANYMORE. WHATS THE DEAL
1017ME:(pretending not to hear, fumbling w/ keys to open my shitty car)
1018
1019LIAR: Free data plan. is absolutely not good. It's something I don't think we should want
1020ME: Im not to touch this one with a 10 foot pole
1021
1022Announcing new feature called #Rubadubdub where my followers are encourgaged to post pics of themself inside the bathtub. Ban me i dont care
1023
1024please let me cover my entire webpage in jungle camo so soldiers can research vital murder info on the battlefield without being spotted
1025
1026http://t.co/xaPZhpuOzf
1027
1028extremmely turned on by Fav Denial , heavily worked up by women declining to fav my posts
1029
1030my tweets are good way less often than 20%. damn, with a 20% success rate i'd have my own hbo special by now
1031
1032fingers ranked by how good it is to show them to people:
10331. thumb
10342. pinky
10353. ring
10364. index
10375. middle
1038steal this listicle,u corrupted fucks
1039
1040theres never been a horny me,
1041and never shall i horny be,
1042And If this sacred vow shall break,
1043I pray the lord my posts to take
1044
1045Houly fuck.. They did it. They replaced all the HF corn syrup w/ pure cane sugar. My minds absolutly blown by this shitty drink for children
1046
1047i fuucking love being sent to Juvie Hall
1048
1049i shall say this only; ive ended peoples careers by reporting them for "Ironic" typos & spelling errors., i do not give a shit. im a warrior
1050
1051mE: i'll take eggland's WORST, please
1052grocery clerk (min wage): Good joke sir
1053
1054Shut the fuck up? Now ? Whil;e im smack in the middle of perhaps my most ruthless tear against Netflix Culture? Muwahaha. Never
1055
1056imbecile goes viral after telling tgifridays waiter that his caesar dressing is "too spicy"
1057
1058ME: ill take.. one Cruisp bird w/ extra bird sauce please
1059KFC CLERK: Huh?
1060ME: (gives him the Wink of Irony)
1061KFC CLERK: Ah! The Wink of Irony
1062
1063funny how ppeople get faved for posting "Humour", but when i post about how deeply in love i am with the girls here i get the old Brush off
1064
1065ME: was thinkin about how I could incorporate the phrase "obama breeze" into my next post. Thoughts?
1066TOM CRUISE: its solid gold baby. Killer
1067
1068startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
1069
1070half wit bumpkin here, looking for new snacks
1071
1072RT I KNEEL BEFORE NO ONE BUT MY CREATOR.I FEAR NO MAN NOR DEATH. I HAVE MET DEATH AND GOD I KNOW BOTH ARE REAL.I ALSO KNOW HELL IS REAL.
1073
1074RT TO THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO WRITE IN LOWER CASE.I WRITE THE WAY OR TEXT OR TYPE THE WAY I WANT TO.I AM MY OWN.I DO AS I PLEASE.
1075
1076RT I DESPISE ANYONE WHO IS A SLAVE OF SATAN.IF THE SHOE FITS WEAR IT.
1077
1078here u go virdgens. 831B-0000-001E-7606
1079
1080i pay good money to load my sons bag with treats, and if Erasmus Infowars Copfucker wants to devour them in the university library, so be it
1081
1082http://t.co/hq9EnbHCV6
1083
1084CHEF: mon signor!! leaving the tails on the shrimp is good! it is tre bien
1085mo. Im the guy from the crow
1086
1087i cried during the schene where richie rich revealed the mcdonalds in his house. if you dont like it, move on
1088
10892 celeb headlines i came up with, in case one of them does something: "Hasta Travolta, Baby" "Bieber does it again. Ah, but thats hollywood"
1090
1091Jack Ass: Arguably, in many ways, a "Two-fer" could conceivably be worse than a "One-fer"
1092ME: I'd will not even dignify that with a response
1093
1094http://t.co/fbrGwofqcK announcin,g in 2016 my new brand alliance with cool arab man
1095
1096to me, the white and yellow lines that get painted to the roads are mostly a nuisance. i say let's #TakeEmOff
1097
1098once again natalie, your repulsive attitude towards online authority figures has caused me to SHIT myself in terror
1099
1100just noticed the new washcloths ive been showering with have the FoodNetwork logo. this is my biggest failure to date http://t.co/8JvvTKea36
1101
1102im the guy who originally cooked up the "garden of eatin" joke. thats my bit. im just saying it out in the open here & now. trolls be damned
1103
1104don't reply to this. i already know it's a good joke
1105
1106FOOL: Love to get a bee in my bonnet
1107ME: theres no possible way you could love that. take this down immediately
1108FOOL: Ah, foiled again
1109
1110im methodical bitch. your the random guy
1111
1112I TAKE BACK EVERY KIND THING I'VE SAID ABOUT THE GIRLS ON HERE ! SHALLOW AND CRUEL ! HEART LESS DEVILS ! MANIPULATING MY POSTS & TRICKING ME
1113
1114i know i will catch endless flak for this. but I am of the belief, that the tried and true Suit and Tie, is a Classic
1115
1116apparently pharmacies think theyre grocery shops now. selling food product instead of focusing on exceptional pill service. Get real, punk !
1117
1118as a real life professional Chef , i refuse to buy any packaged food that isn't marked with the words "Limited Edition"
1119
1120folks the only thing higher than Cheetch & Chong—is gas prices
1121(audience goes wild, hooting,screaming; starting Great Gas Price Riot of '15)
1122
1123Ready to enjoy my Farm Fresh Mozzarella Sticks from Bertuccis, retweet my favorite celebs, and post some worms-eye pics of my Genitals & Ass
1124
1125someone on here asked me my opinion of Worcestershire sauce... but i dont feel ready to share that at this time.
1126
1127youve once again broken the sacred confidentiality of the text message. i've nothing to say to u.
1128
1129folks, please. this is a private matter between me and the heartless criminal
1130
1131Thheres just not enough moisture in food now a days. Run that shit under the faucet
1132
1133NEWSWEEK: WHat can be said. youre a spectacular brand. like hitler without the racism
1134 exactly indeed like hitler without the racism
1135
1136droitos should make hamburgers
1137
1138in the midst of jade helm 15 and high gas prices. a good boy looks to the stars and asks where have all the angels Gone ...............
1139
1140i have never in my life- shit my pants or had an erection. it is ludicrous to claim other wise
1141
1142SCreaming while the road workers slowly pave a road on top of me using my own tax dollar
1143
1144Waiiter, i have not received my Farm Fresh olives, and my steak is far too Unctuous. Please tell the chef to go back to 9 gag.
1145
1146(truyng to stumble across the next big two-word phrase that gets really popular for no reason) udhhu.. bird hell owl. big hell. owl hell
1147
1148I find my self. walking the hallowed halls of Harverd university , thinking wisely to my self. upon the quest, for Knowledge...
1149
1150looking how to become more cyber
1151
1152ME: (pulls soaked pair of jnco jeans out of sons aquarium) Ah wahts this. You cant continue to live here if you do this
1153SON: Im a smoker now
1154
1155Duur!! Thanks for clown baiting me. Idiot http://t.co/HllAsfHYUd
1156
1157pissed off because people are watching their precious football instead of asking me why im pissed off
1158
1159dont do it. 1million followers is more powerful than the nuke #NoMillion
1160
1161my romantic girl friend sees the super blood moon reflected in my greased back hair and pledges then and there to bow to christ our master
1162
1163please show me pins i can wear that will make me look very handsome in churdh
1164
1165i think when we get caught up in our gadgets and email, we forget to sit down and appreciate that time-tested classic doritos
1166
1167please do a wiki leak addressing the mistreatment of gamer`s by viacom
1168
1169do not interfere with my negotiations please
1170
1171FOOL: Foot & mouth disease isnt necessarily good
1172ME: Ive had it with this shit. Im showing this to your employer
1173FOOL: Dont. I have a family
1174
1175The entire King Soopers store at 80th & Wadsworth is staffed with Federal Agents not authorized by any judge,
1176
1177This woman is an FBI agent sent to jingle her keys through the library to intimidate me about jail.
1178
1179log me in to the on-line city where the links are blue and the girls Dm Me......
1180
1181
1182hwow many favs are worth the equivalent of a human life... id say about 70
1183
1184i dont see" follower counts." i see a beautiful Tapestry of the content of souls. i will murder you if you think this post is good or bad.
1185
1186Antonio Vivaldi six violin concertos, strings & continuo in A major " Burger King Theme " Op. 2 N°11 published in Venice by Bortoli - 1708
1187
1188if u think its fucked up that men & women are allowed to eat the same kinds of food, type the word "yes" into your browser bar & click on it
1189
1190i sincerely hope all of you remembered to powder your keyboards and mice to prevent Hand damage during your normal 16 hr browsing sessions
1191
1192dead certainly., if my pit bulls could speak... they would say "please, please increase my power"
1193
1194(intentionally spoken within earshot of severral arbys girls) ah fuck. my hands smell like steroids from using steroids all day
1195
1196
1197https://t.co/SoEXekzbhr
1198
1199oh, youvve read a few academic papers on the matter? cute. i have read over 100000 posts.
1200
1201these guys tried to run a hospital in AFGHANISTAN?? hello?? i dont know if you noticed, but theres a war there? U gotta use your heads folks
1202
1203(smoking cig on stage) Ya know, like i always say, these fuckers dont know a damn thing of common sense. COupons are like free money. Use em
1204
1205Agreed, actually
1206
1207RE: Restaurant Etiquette >> I've been a waiter for 9 years, and I like it when people snap their fingers at me. So your commant is invalid.
1208
1209https://t.co/9shYn8y5av
1210
1211Fairly, yes, actually.
1212
1213https://t.co/q0cIZ7rbZ5
1214
1215i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again
1216
1217" A fucking bastard lives here " http://t.co/cgRdl63PUN
1218
1219i only fav tweets that exhilarate the mind and soul, groundbreaking content which challenges the established status quo
1220
1221(ddumb ass, squinting at the tv, struggling to comprehend "The Flintstones") why are they wearing those outfits
1222
1223(in the 'lets get ready to rumble' man's voice) lllllleeets get ready to post some good shit
1224
1225ive decided to abstain from urination for two days, to punish myself for letting my kolut score dip below 70 again
1226
1227im still allowed to jack off. jacking off does not count as pissing. please let me have this
1228
1229ive completed the first hour of my 2 day #NoPiss challenge. i am searching for media outlets who would like to document my struggle
1230
1231http://t.co/bJE5yGivLM
1232
1233seems like to me that in this foul economy the only thing "On the Up and Up" is the damn gas prices, thath we all gotta break the bank for .
1234
1235i saw the other day- theyre selling it $2 a gallon now. Unbelievable.
1236
1237Approaching hour 5 of the #NoPiss challenge. This is very fucking serious and real. Bafflingly, no one has requested to interview me yet
1238
1239going strong into hour 8 of #NoPiss. feeling unprecedented spiritual growth. unfollow me if youre upset because this isnt "Funny" or "good".
1240
1241at the advice of my doctor, ive decided to piss, but only in small amounts out of respect for the #NoPiss challenge. i will limit my piss.
1242
1243
1244
1245taking sips from a big fat thermos with the isis flag on it. thinking about inventing an app that tells me when lunch time is
1246
1247ready to accept nine hundred dollars into my life http://t.co/NVls6XDI3T
1248
1249I dont appreciate bieng called "The Waterbed Bitch" just because I own a waterbed and post pictures of it daily
1250
1251the only hthing i hate more than crashing my ford truck is justin biebers dick. which was recently shown to me in pictures
1252
1253http://t.co/M7n5uOc3Ft
1254
1255instituting a new feature on my feed called "The Hell Hour". the hell hour begins now
1256
1257the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost
1258
125937 souls who will never again be allowed to engage with my red hot brand, bnecause they posted during hell hour and spat in the face of god
1260
1261FURTHER MORe, any future tweet i make may now randomly be designated as a "Hell Tweet", meaning if you reply to it , you will be blocked,
1262
1263, Fuck you !!
1264
1265forced to remove my famous "DANGER: MAY CONTAIN LETHAL LEVELS OF SARCASM !!" sign from the front door of the poolside shed that i live in
1266
1267I Hope So http://t.co/tOuAGUy2j1
1268
1269coming up with some new racism slogans... "Racism: Never knew it could be this good" "Racism: Gotta geddit" "Racism: Now that's what's nice"
1270
1271the torture of being a Top Influencer on the hateful, chaotic earth... http://t.co/bFCO8GWvGA
1272
1273i was so wound up over trolls this morning i forgot to wipe my ass. i pulled my pants up and the shit coalesced into a wad on my lower back.
1274
1275arbys refuses to honor special bulletin offering a free "Roastbeef Snack" to all divorced men... lots of upset divorced men at this arbys,..
1276
1277dont make me jump over that fuckinh counter and teach your low wage chefs the difference between "Extra" and "Double" meat ball
1278
1279rest assured im constantly surrounded by flies
1280
1281i love my beavis. And yours
1282
1283thank you for protecting a grown man from beavis puns
1284
1285sorry, yoyure right. im trying to delete it now but i cant because of a virus. Ah! This is terrible
1286
1287
1288
1289what if "DONALD TRUMP" was the ceo of NetFlix? I think itd go a little something like this...! (gestures racistly) What a world What a world
1290
1291didnt know they stack shit , that high
1292
1293RT The whole world is badshit insane... STOP FIGHTING against others.
1294
1295wondering why more people aarent faving this screenshot i found of professor Stephen Hawking saying "ape piss". If its fake please tell me
1296
1297https://t.co/vXgJ5a8nx2
1298
1299in want of a glass of cold one ... http://t.co/Bzqa4zbkH9
1300
1301thiis is not the proper spirit of beer chat
1302
1303big meeting with chinese investors coming up in 5 minutes. need to look sharp and presentable. im running my dick under the faucet
1304
1305http://t.co/dT2lt1IXOY
1306
1307RT zynga
1308
1309RT Доска почета нашей больницы ))) Впрочем, в Интернете уже борьба за первенство! http://t.co/HEGzNaanDy
1310
1311RT Today is #NoHornDay, remember noise pollution can be annoying, let us cultivate respect for other road users. http://t.co/0jXiEnI9SQ
1312
1313https://t.co/EcZsqrNqK8
1314
1315r https://t.co/PqBa2lIb3B
1316
1317concerning "Online", ive found there are websites that are often considered the "Good" websites, and others generally understood to be "Bad"
1318
1319im the guy who ruined Columbus Day by saying he had slaves, and im ruining Back to the Future Day too by saying the film is rife with incest
1320
1321cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this...
1322
1323HMm, it seems after years of reading my posts, everoyne is still miserable & dumber than shit. Maybe i should post like 100 more times a day
1324
1325https://t.co/d5OOf5EJB3
1326
1327come. I SHall lead the charge against corrupt Game developers, (Falls face forward ansd a variety of ass medicines spill out of my clothing)
1328
1329fuh..just unfollowed about 900 people on here. Feel as thogugh ive matured a lot in my time on this site & expect a higher grade of content.
1330
1331a fuckin.. rat eating a slice of pizza?? damn,. the guy who filmed this must have gbeen smoking weed.
1332
1333#BenghaziCommittee my dick is normal sized. every morning i use a q-tip dipped in windex to clear scuff marks off of it. i have no illnesses
1334
1335bad ass https://t.co/5oiDfTQVVz
1336
1337i will tell you about the two types of diaper. there's the Functional diaper, worn inside the pants. and the Aesthetic diaper, worn outside.
1338
1339"Valor is the honor of distinction"... the words engraved on the side of my gun, that i force the gamestop employes to repeat out loud to me
1340
1341AAUh..!! Yeah. Lets all gang up on the guy who gives his children Steroids, just because he has a different opinion. Fucking idiots.
1342
1343months ago i dreamt about people making their ass cracks longer with surgery. i woke up & immediately put "Crack length" in my drafts folder
1344
1345U want more insight into "THe Process," u say? Look no further. https://t.co/yhbyYzq9SD
1346
1347scores of Farm Fresh, artisan treats available for my perusal.. Oh Me Oh My https://t.co/KdyCsUiOZ8
1348
1349got a One Million Dollar idea here. the dewey decimal sytsem... its good right? now imagine using it at Wegmans to find your favorite snacks
1350
1351https://t.co/27EkGJwkDb
1352
1353eat bird shit https://t.co/SWiJG6XDfD
1354
1355so many Weird Twitter accts asking me to suck their dick in the dms. im njust like, yeah right bub. you havent even retweeted me since 2013.
1356
1357U call this a "Customer First" shopping experience??? I nearly threw UP !! Food floor. No good https://t.co/PwCnzmw2Qg
1358
1359show us the Boys https://t.co/CJS90gzeN1
1360
1361the crusaders fire ballistas into my throbbing diaper- unlesashing a torrent of mustard yellow shit and poisoning the entire village
1362
1363
1364for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds.
1365
1366looking forward to my 19,000 dollars https://t.co/rF5YIPR7I0
1367
1368this is the final scheule. do not contact me of this. https://t.co/5xBrxUpnNq
1369
1370TROLL: Shut down windows
1371ME: Ah, no
1372
1373i shall not be attending boys night, as i have injured myself while attempting to butterfly an auntie annes pretzel stick .
1374
1375inspirational... 86 year old man circumcised by doctors in Zaire... "It's never too late" "Blessed."
1376
13774am walgreens haul... re tweet this after the Girls wake up https://t.co/fg3DTgduUM
1378
1379id say my most defining quality is that i instinctively write tremendous amounts of think pieces whenever i see a naked person
1380
1381ah, So u persecute Jared Fogle just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it
1382
1383i go outside for the rfirst time in 7 years and a biplane immediately shoots a chemtrail at my dick and makes it 2 inches shorter. typical
1384
1385boys i need a full report on your Scalp Health by uhh 8pm or else ill go ape shit in the dms,
1386
1387OPRAH: Take us back to the time you invented the famous Livestrong Bracelet.
1388ME: well..i was at boston market, just looking at my wrist, and
1389
1390the times they are indeed a changin..but the one time thatll never change is Lunch time. lock them engagements in if you think this is good.
1391
1392these people with locked accounts...damn!!! you just know theyre hiding all the good posts in there
1393
1394I AM NOT RACIST!!! THIS IS AN OUT RAGE!! I DEMAND YOU REMOVE THE POSTS AT ONCE!
1395
1396i can guarantee you that im only as racist as the girls im attracted to- and not a tiny bit more
1397
1398what do teens find funny nowadays. getting "Slimed" onj nickelodeon? farting principals? help me out here
1399
1400if this shit costs me the Fanta deal i will:
14011) become eeven more racist
14022) cancel all Thursday Nite Rants
14033) add a switchblade to my avatar
1404
1405yes!!! holy shit!
1406
1407U will regret this.
1408
1409llooking extremely normal today https://t.co/ADTeu9bWfC
1410
1411RT Tengo hartos videos en Youtube...
1412
1413hyj https://t.co/B5lArUsJE8
1414
1415some people sing the praises of the one hundred dollar bill... i myself, prefer the humble, time-tested and reliable one dollar bill
1416
1417ME: Basiclaly its just a joke we do where whoever says hes El Chapo the most wins
1418COP: Thats not what a joke is
1419ME: Well its good either way
1420
1421huh.. it;s been awhile since i made an actual joke on here. lets see now. boats are basically uh, skeletons, that people use to, trick water
1422
1423yeah like im just going to put bottles of my own damn urine up on the mantel. you fucking idiot. this is celeb urine
1424
1425ennjoying a big bowl of condoms. twirling them around my fork like spaghetti
1426
1427fellas..tell your girls you will n ot be providing any more sex until the entire female race apologizes for halo 5's dismal metacritic score
1428
1429stressed out due to pistachio shit all over my shirt and computer desk . all posts canceled
1430
1431dual wielding toilet paper
1432
1433ive eaten more $14 hamburgers than youve eaten regular hambufrgers, you low engagement galoot
1434
1435thats it. thats enough. im shutting the computer down ,before i become too powerful
1436
1437the joke's hall of fame https://t.co/2UDeGMIo6T
1438
1439ME: ok now do a search of this. "muppet babies theme - backwards, half speed"
1440ALFRED HITCHCOCK: Holy Fuck !!
1441
1442no woman can handle my post s
1443
1444album (120 pics) ben stein kissing wife
1445
1446not many people know this, b ut i actually coined the term "Lunchtime". before then, time and lunch were two entirely immeasurable concepts,
1447
1448dozens upon dozens of the racist new starbuck cups,. filled with urine and placed all over my computer desk like candles on a satanic altar
1449
1450looking at some pictures of dracula,
1451
1452i dont like him. i'm just looking at him
1453
1454https://t.co/qfOQhZyTFX
1455
1456i feel truly blessed ,knowing that everyone who has spoken ill of my brand is eating bugs in a cold prison cell.
1457
1458adding "A Touch of Class" to my home by wrapping all of my game's apparatuse's in tinsel
1459
1460spice up your life by throwing your favorite coffee mug into the garbage
1461
1462(rreads a series of Enlightened posts and becomes smart)
1463AH. Hm, this is good.
1464(reads a troll post and becomes a dumb ass)
1465Damn Fuck !
1466
1467RT When u actually find a girl u like and that likes u, but they don't want to get close because they think you will break their heart.
1468
1469people used to jack off to this guy back in the 90s. not me though https://t.co/5lw685mP61
1470
1471locking this thread.
1472
1473two lives? this is fuckinh barbaric https://t.co/xvQqg3d5L0
1474
1475researching dynamic, groundbreaking new ways to wipe my ass
1476
1477Yiou have to be really smart to get 250k followers on here. It doesnt just happen to you if you post false info about your ass for 7 years
1478
1479i bet half the people posting "Ah!" on here dont even realize its an acronym for "Acknowledged Heartily"
1480
1481sucking on the same big piece of bread for hours and hours ,.
1482
1483after being normal for several months, i am now back to r*cist.
1484
1485https://t.co/bj3xiLSoAL
1486
1487https://t.co/nUpqFZSIEb
1488
14892005 me: who the fuck is martin van buren
14902015 me: ah yes. DonkeyKongEddie. arrested at gamestop on nov 13 2014, drives a grey honda accord,
1491
1492please kick my out of control teen's ass
1493
1494wow.. just watching the cnn channel here.. amazed by how they know all the news so well.. Extraordinary
1495
1496is really offering a 10% discount to all Muslims who apologize for the attacks... kind of messed up..
1497
1498RT DISTRICTY MANGERS AGREED WITHME THATWALMART BOOTH DO NOT CONFORM TO HIPPA RULES SO I TOOK MY BUSINESS TO WAL GREEN
1499
1500torturing my damn dick with corn cob holders in Penance for the foul tone i took with the subway corporation today
1501
1502sears deparftment store used to be the best place to meet up with the boys. nowadays theyll let just about any piece of shit inside to shop.
1503
1504sub way is a pedophile... you guys see about this shit ?
1505
1506
1507this shi t https://t.co/XCWdtFDgaa
1508
1509Rats Are Life Facebook
1510
1511(ssees a stock image of a frowning man sitting inside of a doghouse) Hurmph. Asinine.
1512
1513Unfunny. https://t.co/DiXwd64w3F
1514
1515(saying loud enough so people can hear) the matrix is the james bond of steam punk
1516
1517ive never laughged at a piss joke. (sees how impressed everyone is, takes it one step further) in fact, ive never laughed before in my life.
1518
1519how do you clean a shirt
1520
1521ignorance... is a fallacy .my dear pals
1522
1523for fun
1524
1525LIKE WANTING TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO SAVE BIG BUCKS FOR PENNYS ON THE DOLLAR AND GET RICH CHEAP
1526
1527
1528finger nail check. everyone please post your fingernails right now for my inspection. i will block you if theyre filthy
1529
1530i bet you just went ryour entire life growing out that hair on your ring finger, never thinking to remove it, it sucks
1531
1532
1533
1534
1535all of you people have rat hands. i am going to be fucking sick
1536
1537
1538
1539https://t.co/xiFXnpmO0B
1540
1541https://t.co/OdTcDUjzoH
1542
1543thw most valuable icon on any boys desktop... the famed "My Computer" icon. click that bastard and youre good to go
1544
1545U cant wear a sword. A sword is not clothes. Yes, A SHeathe, is clothes. The sword goes in the sheath, but that doesnt make it clothes bitch
1546
1547A gun is not clothes just because you can wear a holster with a gun inside of it. Jesus christ. Shut thhe fuck up about guns being clothes.
1548
1549if i ge t one more comment about guns being a type of Glove- im spraying the fuse box with a hose until my computer turns off
1550
1551jacking off.. (lights cigarette, takes a big smoke of it) ..i s a Zero Sum fallacy. a jesters game
1552
1553some dumb asses of life just need a damn "BRAIN "
1554
1555#mondaymotivation https://t.co/McTcJcLtoM
1556
1557rooting through some damn womens' purses. all of the things in these purses suck. i don't give a shit
1558
1559if someone dressed in cclown makeup came up to me and asked to suck my dick, id naturally assume it's a troll,
1560
1561enya on full blast.. accessing 100 sites per minute
1562
1563yes. this guy is me https://t.co/zd2KABfhQQ
1564
1565becoming incrediblly Spiritual on the computer... holy fuck...
1566
1567how do i make it so people have to give me money if they want to reply to my posts
1568
1569my uncles caught me searching "can i still join isis if im racist" on the family computer & are now withholding all holiday treats for 2015.
1570
1571blesssed to have over 200 mannequins propped up around my house in vulgar positions, and the accompanying "Love my manny`s" bumper sticker
1572
1573i have never condoned "rumpus"
1574
1575UNCLE: on sept 14 u posted "my dick is not all its cracked up to be." Explain yourself please
1576ME: its. a commentary on the economy actually,
1577
1578my followers will be thrilled to hear that i am wearing a very pleasant pair of jeans while reading a variety of articles, on subjects
1579
1580 a chef now folks. im walking around town in my chefs hat like a real dumbass. everyone hopes i get hit by a car
1581
1582soaking weekly circulars in my own blood and sending them back to Shop-Rite, to teach them a lesson about enticing my wife with bargains
1583
1584ive been sititng in buffalo wild wings for 3 hrs now, refusing to speak with the waiter because of his vile dry lips. i will win this battle
1585
1586its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town
1587
1588beer city USA . my friend s
1589
1590i mailed my detached dick to bolivia to get it enlarged by a professor of Medicine. i am hoping it is returned to me without incident.
1591
1592shooting off automatic rifles making horrible diarrhea shit noises as the recoil makes my tiny dick flop around. hell yeah. thats cool to me
1593
1594i wish my opinions were good enough to put on bumper stickers, but alas, i can only say "syria is basically road rash 64" using my mouth
1595
1596ive started bowing my head and saying grace before reading each post on here... "thank you." "thank you for the posts." that sort of thing,
1597
1598https://t.co/BpoaSkBzNU
1599
1600judgementle people deserve to be put into a special kind of electric chair which sends then to hell even if theyre good .
1601
1602pretending not to be mad while the guy in the next stall over takes a big shit while I try to Meditate
1603
1604i will simply leave u to your circle jerk .
1605
1606i find the private dm chats are an excellent place to "Workshop" my meltdowns & personal attacks against others, before making them public,
1607
1608spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn
1609
1610i look very handmsome in my bow tie and suspenders, holding a big red balloon
1611
1612i can no longer close my eyes. with out seeing a bounty of Farm Fresh groceries being licked by dirty dogs and animals
1613
1614liberating to have gotten all the joke's out of my system sometime back in 2011 so I can now disseminate serious info to the dumb asses here
1615
1616cghecking to see if i have the correct wattage on all of my Light bolbs.. now thats a pizza pie #thatsaPizzaPie
1617
1618leaving splinters stuck in your fingers is good. its all protien baby
1619
1620dont worry ladies, im not one of those"Bros" who talks to girls about sex stuff. anyway, i have an entire bra stuffed in my mouth right now,
1621
1622Setting aside the dumb ass things of life to focus on the truth of intelligense .
1623
1624boys im here to tellt you that a high-quality wall paper can make any room look fantastic on the cheap
1625
1626the worst thing you can do in death is make the R.I.P. on your grave actually stand for Racism Is Power
1627
1628I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit,
1629
1630based on a bunch of educated assumptions i've made about weight gain, really obese guys must have like the hugest dicks on the planet
1631
1632piece of shit https://t.co/OUy5nfQlau
1633
1634another miserable day of Disappointing my followers https://t.co/jzUBZVostB
1635
1636#HipHopStarWars please. imn begging you. all girls on this hashtag please send HD pictures of your teeth& gums. please god just give me this
1637
1638
1639ah, its beautiful,
1640
1641MustardCynic: this is not True Spicy Brown... this is Treason Brown
1642
1643https://t.co/dF409CPn5e
1644
1645AYE... THE OJ SIMPSON VERDICT IS SOMEWHAT SHIT , INNIT!!!!!!
1646
1647In culture, today, where they have cellphones, it seems, as, though, the most forgotton words in the English language are, "I give a Damn."
1648
1649yoyu dont choose to be retweeted.. it choose's you
1650
1651i fuvked up. this app is garbage. sorry
1652
1653anyway I just bought some ice cube trays and a pot at bb&b. they're fine
1654
1655i absolutely used a coupon
1656
1657boy's Rules:
16581) the only coffee flavored thing should be COFFEE !!
16592) "Shut Da Fuck Up And Keep Ya Head Down"
16603) Never consume Oils
1661
1662i hope to one day eat 10'000 calories a day
1663
1664
1665
1666(in worst human voice possible) folks rmember to click that fuckin like & subscribe button and leave a comment below in the fuckin box there
1667
1668Youre nex't.
1669
1670Barney was actually funny & used fairly adult jokes in the early seasons. After all the teenyboppers latched on; it went to shit.
1671
1672wasnt enough dipshit
1673
1674calling me a weiner now... i shan't respond to this.
1675
1676https://t.co/LSqsuP9JPM
1677
1678every now and then i like to treat myself to a bit of "Lying under oath"
1679
1680mother nature and father time arre not real. theyre fake people who were invented to explain trees and clocks to shitheads
1681
1682https://t.co/DQPFkd1awi some posting music for all of ya
1683
1684i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everoyne here is so rude, and pieces of shit
1685
1686when thw pope says mother teresa is a saint.. i say she Ain't!
1687
1688is mother teresa a saint "No she aint"
1689
1690mother teresa Aint No Saint, put the green arrows,there, click the heart too
1691
1692this website seems more & more like a place where elitist daddys boys can show off how 'CLEVER" they are, instead of a source for bra advice
1693
1694i apologize sir !!!!!!!
1695
1696im here to tell you that even with 8 kid,s, 6 dogs, debilitating rickets & a filthy waterlogged home, that its still possible to be a Gamer
1697
1698wife put me in the dog house agauin for failing to get the blue checkmark... and people ask me why im mgtow pua...
1699
1700just spent the last 10 minutes fishing a pubic hair out of the toilet to avoid any nasty phone calls from the boys at the sewage plant
1701
1702https://t.co/RPG40RWHnX
1703
1704https://t.co/zfynN54ggk
1705
1706mystical truth Teller https://t.co/Q5XCIgvPsQ
1707
1708i will die for my belief that Beer is "The drink of summer"
1709
1710https://t.co/P0oCc1TDgJ
1711
1712i have spent the last 9 yrs writing countless papers on the subject of Followback Culture. The quality of my life has suffered immeasurably.
1713
1714FOOL: Beer is not the tdrink of summer. It can be enjoyed all year round
1715ME: Beer is the drink of summer.
1716
1717RT I m sorry, I mistyped your user name. Do not post to me or attack me in here or other places of my accounts. thank you
1718
1719the mayor threatens to replace one letter of the english language with the Swastika for each week that his wooden leg is not returned to him
1720I dont have the time to read the replies
1721
1722anguished imbecile pukes up a surprisingly intact mcgriddle while planting an IED in front of best buy
1723
1724turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me
1725
1726Bllesed https://t.co/jeNcO69XGL
1727
1728sometimes its good to just wipe your ass,
1729
1730
1731
1732in another life...
1733i would make U stay.. https://t.co/5YnhlziWRQ
1734
1735is it this https://t.co/zeCowPurqg
1736
1737Numerous hospitals no longer make a Baby New Year public due to concerns that the infant will become a target for criminals.[13]
1738
1739that smug prick baby new year th e piece of shit. ill throw him from my truck the dumb ass mother fucker
1740
1741youre fit for 2015 #yourFitOf2015 https://t.co/V65O4BIXf9
1742
1743dont know why they deleted this https://t.co/YO4wLcdMvu
1744
1745accidentally brought my piss detector into the mens room again and cowered beneath a sink as the deafening screech echoed off the hard tile
1746
1747shame on dailymail & nydailynews for posting my racist ball screenshot without giving credit
1748https://t.co/tDHQ9W1M5f
1749https://t.co/lHrGYPCGld
1750
1751i would never photo shop anything, espiecally when it comes to damn fucked up things like racism. this is a serious account
1752
1753me and SnakeMom1956 are in love and we are laughing at all of th e people who think that our flintstones themed wedding is a sham
1754
1755https://t.co/MiCuyzkkJt
1756
1757if you want to make someone on this website really mad, accuse them of poisoning the animals they care for #workseveryDamntime #TheMaster
1758
1759it's pronounced "yoh-gert"
1760
1761i fear that if the 10k character limit is enacted my trolls will post ascii middle fingers that are elaborate & beautiful enough to kill me
1762
1763the best part of winning the power ball lottery has got to be getting my hands on some of that Green stuff also known as money.
1764
1765COMPUTER.. FED EX ME A PRINT OUT OF ALL MY GIRL FOLLOWERS SORTED BY THEIR DEVOTION TO CHRIST
1766COMPUTER... GET ME THE BULE CHECK MARK A.S.A.P.
1767
1768
1769
1770DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor
1771ME: No,
1772
1773slin jim
1774
1775its no secret that i sometimes have to scold my hare brained followers rirght in their goofy fucking faces to keep them in line
1776
1777Some crap is simply to be put into the dumpster .
1778
1779i don't have time ot actually read you peoples posts, but ive been evaluating your engagement metric's and they look like Shit...
1780
1781pal the only "meltdown" im having is my ice cream melting down into my hand while I lay on the beach & laugh while thinking about the trolls
1782
1783Im going to shut the computer off until people learn to be more mature about life. In tge mean time, suck my dick
1784
1785grow up,..
1786
1787dont me
1788
1789looking at my own dick in 3d
1790
1791you've ruined my life. Thank you
1792
1793respect me.. respect my #Setup https://t.co/FuGceQtgUW
1794
1795Beer is the drink of summer. But it can be enjoyed during the other seasons, in moderation.
1796
1797up until I was about 17 i believed that bugs were baby rats
1798
1799ah, aint it funny that folks these days are washing childrens mouths out with soap.. when they should be washing their mouths out with Hope,
1800
1801life is aobut too many chairs. you got the tv chair, dinner table chair, the dentists chair, electric chair... thats too many. Tone it down
1802
1803sensing some deep-seated resentment over here,
1804
1805while you were watching the teen choice awards, i was watching the classic episodes of the teen choice awards from back when they were good.
1806
1807https://t.co/etvNvCNWt3
1808
1809argh.. (shakes fist) Damn you White people !! ha ha, but seriously though, most whites are actually highly intelligent, and resourceful,
1810
1811its actually so good,
1812
1813MOST HATED FOODS., 50) PAPA JOHNS ORIGINAL FAMOUS CHEMTRAIL PANZEROTTI 49) THE DEMERITORIOUS DOLLAR NINETY NINE McDIAPER....... MORE TO COME
1814
1815going to have to unfollow you, for arresting me
1816
1817if you say the words "Room temperature" to me ill flip my lid. room temp varies depending on the room. youre talking shit out of your mouth.
1818
1819i will soon be leaking a list of the people who sent me really concerned DMs when i posted that jacking off too much makes your dick smaller
1820
1821"horny" has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined
1822
1823none of you are educated in anything, youre all pricks, your dms suck, yoyure terrible at trying to engage my brand like normal human beings
1824
1825https://t.co/HKA8TRWkln
1826
1827i have a phd in advanced chemicals., but Thanks.
1828
1829i hold this truth , im just an average joe trying to do my messages here, and i dont have time for fellas who want to take a big crap on me.
1830
1831im a monk in real life, the matrix is real and hummingbirds and other really fast animals are proof positive that bullet time eixists
1832
1833youll never shut me the fuck up , no matter how many times you unfollow me, you will never shut me the fuck upon here!! get lost Cyber scum!
1834
1835excuse me sir, i couldnt help but notice that youre in need of a thorough explanation of kegel exercise. ok, it's basically psychic jelqing,
1836
1837FUCK OFF https://t.co/iLaBpmVtG6
1838
1839enjoying some fucked up thoughts of some boys enjoying the real counter culture shit... such as drinking coffee, and being glad it's friday
1840
1841entertaining twisted thoughts of putting bull shit on the back burner
1842
1843twiitter dot com baby... the inmates are running the damn asylum.. AND IT THINK THAT IT IS GOOD...!! #StartupIndia
1844
1845im not horny but, lets face the facts people... if youre a girl im gonna click on ya
1846
1847fuck it, ill just come out and say that i think "Iceberg lettuce" is just aobut the worst name you can come up w/ for a damn type of lettuce
1848
1849"Green lettuce"
1850
1851
1852https://t.co/xR2ejyQiPK
1853
1854rt if you think that "Coors Light Cold Hard Facts" is the "Chevy Clubhouse" of "Dilfer's Dimes"
1855
1856heated debate https://t.co/gsIzuzGz15
1857
1858we odnt post the word "you" anymore in 2016.
1859
1860martin luther king did not have a favorite type of lunchables. absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate. please delete
1861
1862got about 50000 posts to catch up on here... thats so many.. thank you my sweet boys
1863
1864get one of those bill gates tubes that turns piss to water, load a big fat backpack with treats, cut the cord, pull the plug, fuck the grid,
1865
1866today i will be making a bowl of "Home Made" guacamole, with, you guessed it, chips.
1867
1868my most famous tweet, entitled "Jacking off at the Dog Kennel," has earned over ten billion engagements & was retweeted by stephen spielberg
1869
1870which 46% of you mother fuckers arent buying soap https://t.co/mbTQvI9lVe
1871
1872
1873more harmful to our web than any computer virus... sick thought's and selfish attitude... pass it on boys...
1874
1875U have to listen to this song "Signs" by the five man electrical band... the guy is just owning the fuck out of all these signs, it's insane
1876
1877Discussing
1878Reality
1879Intelligently
1880Life
1881
1882#ToTheGirls2016 im intelligent & clean boy. i have the trigger dicispline of a lion. ive used Torture to cure myself of all mental illness.
1883
1884i dont know who all these fucked up people are!! im sorry! im so sorry!!
1885
1886RT I will never be racist...I have so much respect for every single race & their culture ?
1887
1888RT Something of me , I will never be racist.
1889
1890RT I will never be racist I'm proud off that
1891
1892im known to "Trick or Treat" from my neighbors mail boxes. they love it and it drives them wild. And it`s a bit of fun
1893
1894Looking to the day when the World Wide Web matures to become into the World Wise Web.
1895
1896RT Truth to a #ProgressiveLiberal is like SATL TO A SLUG!
1897
1898sick of seeing "Snark" on my feed regarding our nation's presidential candidates. i will be voting for all of them because they seem nice
1899
1900first day i got online on a man named Mumbai_Eddie accused me of having diarrhea, so i detached my modem and put it in the sink for 8 years
1901
1902just read something fucked up... Not a single picture of stonehenge exists.
1903
1904will try to become less of an Ape on the day of holy sabbath
1905
1906i spend a lot of time reading the constatution of the united states of america while grinning ear to ear
1907
1908im the boss of Mensa. every time i close my eyes i have visions of going berserk and spitting on a human face until it is unrecognizasble
1909
1910Fucking yes this . Friendlys has a meatball bar
1911
1912the big seat of my sweat pants sagging beneath the weight of globs of neosporin as i waddlle my fuckface ass off to the impound lot
1913
1914ah.. why is it that computers can send hateful commentary thorugh the modem... but weren't designed to send something nice.. like a Song
1915
1916i shant say more of it . https://t.co/wUSQGubk3B
1917
1918RT Thinking people should stop counting calories and start counting chemicles.
1919
1920(Becomes upset by an unsolicited mention of Beetle Bailey on twitter feed, and punishes followers by refusing to post an update for 30mins.)
1921
1922https://t.co/SxADN7Gjwd
1923
1924my favorite tv show characters are "The good guys". My least favorite characters are "The villains"
1925
1926THINKING ABOUT WHEN DID "IN GOD WE TRUST" BECOME " WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT"
1927
1928has any one ever noticed that the good spiderman movies are the ones for adults, and the bad spiderman movies are the ones for children
1929
1930girlsl... i shall virtuously employ the expansive breadth of my tech wisdom to protect you all from Daesh... even if you dont follow me...
1931
1932got one of th ose steering wheels you control with your mouth so i can dual wield on the road. top secret technology for friends of police,
1933
1934While your were busy all discussing the black celebrity's ass, i just constructed an authentic Christian abacus using fine tumbled stones
1935
19361) wise the fuck up,
19372) put the same amount of days in all the months
19383)people need to put on the damn thinking caps
19394) im boycotting months
1940
1941donald trump is the best man for the job... and for that he has earned my vote. however, i believe he needs to "Check his priviledge"
1942
1943they say zika virus is the Bastard of 2016, but that distinction must go to my infamous folowers, who i consider to be "Dumber than Dogshit"
1944
1945ME: mr cruise..im also a celeb. i invented the phrase "Barney sucks"
1946TOM: wow... that phrase is so good, i must use it at least once per day
1947
1948looks like im forced to address false rumors that i own 3 dildos on a shelf labelled "breakfast" "lunch" & "dinner". this is an absurdity .
1949
1950taking the lords name in vein... #inspire https://t.co/Zv7CuAGiNH
1951
1952sometimes it seems to me that it is a bit good to say that we could not do our posts without using none other than the humble computer chip.
1953
1954-windows covered in trash bags
1955-arbitrarily sorting the contents of my snack Pack
1956-pumping racist apps into my nokia at Lightspeed
1957-frowning
1958
1959"i wish they got, WiFi down here" - guy who died in the paris catacombs
1960
1961fuckin Wade https://t.co/gv0cmmnC1C
1962
1963take ntoe Hollywood: these superbowl ads teach us we can create compelling visual content better than any movie, WITHOUT resort to Vulgarity
1964
1965an Oscar category for super bowl ads in the future?? perhaps in a less judge mental world,
1966
1967RAT CHECK... unfollow me ,if youre a sleazy low down RAT!!!!!!!! i will knock your block off, I respect honor, Truth in words and action.
1968
1969Hurr dee durr . https://t.co/5dUy9nuUsR
1970
1971shut the fuck up and kick my ass
1972
1973(looking into a big toilet filled with shit , piss and toilet paper, shaking my head) this is fucking stupid. hardly worth my time
1974
1975https://t.co/hhgYfh8ZqT
1976
1977i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to sotp tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances
1978
1979someone please get me in touch with the little boy who died & went to heaven. i want to astral project him into my ex-wifes castle for intel
1980
1981U cant even get a good "Shoe Shine" anymore—the guy just keeps trying to put his mouth on my dick. Is this a Thing now. Is this a Problem
1982
1983please dm my agent if you wish to Banter with me in the mentions, so he can send you the proper paperwork. im extremely tired of this shit.
1984
1985I mdade $400000 just by typing the words "Simpson and garfunkel" back in 2011 and u have the gall to me w/ ur little 200 ass follower acct
1986
1987wow , another bernie bro coming after me just because im posting the truth into their shitty little lives. you Lose bitch
1988
1989
1990
1991the prophecy fulfilled
1992https://t.co/H1erJV4KBS
1993https://t.co/MOpYkwDKmE
1994
1995MYTH: my posts are for the Pauper
1996REALITY: my posts are for the Prince
1997
1998i shooed a young trans person away from my garbage with a broom
1999
2000id like to report a hacker. he offered me 1000000 to show my dick and didnt cough up the dough when i delivered the goods. i got hacked
2001
2002i just thoughgt about those commercials with the stupid fucking mouth in the dishwasher that begs for jet dry & ripped a door off its hinges
2003
2004scenario: the duishwasher mouth starts up in some dumb ass baby voice. "GIMME SUM JET DRY!!" i unload my .480 ruger into it without Emotion,
2005
2006Closing my account until all of the pro jet-dry kiddies go to bed. You people are animals. Hopeless brutes
2007
2008the pursuit of having trhe nicest opinions online... is the only thing that separates us from the god damn animals. the sole reason we exist
2009
2010thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom
2011
2012i will not let anyone touch my pitbuls unless they are wearing a collared shirt
2013
2014i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts)
2015
2016IN OUR LIFETIMES... "GOODBYE" TO MOUTH WASH
2017
2018ELLEN: But what you're most known for is your use of the infamous N-Word
2019ENTICED AUDIENCE: Wooo !!
2020ME: ahh!! ya got me!
2021
2022let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,
2023
2024if i saw someon e on the street wearing a dunce cap, i would challenge him to my famous Three Trials of wisdom, and soundly defeat him
2025
2026death https://t.co/7vGn40uZCX
2027
2028why even bother learning how to hack when i can just have my enemies accounts removed by accusing them of conspiring to piss on grumpy cat
2029
2030good to have Options https://t.co/3vKXg8pEIR
2031
2032in 2020 police technology will allow criminals to choose between "hot jail" and "cold jail"
2033
2034barby dolls are worthless to me
2035
2036for all you twitter birds out there.. a fun idea ive been throwin around: lets make the front page to "WILD WEST" theme..Huh! only on Friday
2037
2038givign my social security number to the valentines day app to find out which idiot wants to see my dick the most
2039
2040someone please. ive bitten into a nasty apple and I don't know how to spit things out of my mouth. ivr never spit before and i need help
2041
2042paper is a liquid #TheThursdayMorningRamble
2043
2044https://t.co/iKYM0jDKrz this is the most vile thing to be put on tv
2045
2046im going to get shit on a lot for posting this but i dont care https://t.co/BPuMWfWaow
2047
204820 treats = 1 snack
20493 snacks = 1 meal
20503 meals = Boys Daily Intake
2051180 Treats = Boys Daily Intake
20521 Treat = 1 Goody
205360 Goody's = 1 meal
2054
2055a boss should be allowed to kick his employees asse's. key to his workers house so he can just come in and start wailing anytime #bottomword
2056
2057people who like to say "Ba ba ba ba " at me <<<< People who hand me their wallet
2058
2059the first step to becoming a Millionaire is to acquire one hundred dollars
2060
2061stumbling through war torn syria with my pants down, begging everyone around me not to feed the trolls
2062
2063ill never rinse my farm fresh vegetables. its the responsibility of the greengrocer to rinse my God damn food and if i get poisoned so be it
2064
2065we all know the famous "Five Second Rule"... if you dont throw dropped food in the trash within five seconds it unleashes toxic spores
2066
2067THRIEE SIMPLE RULES FOR SPEAKING TO ME OF MY AFFAIRS REGARDING MY INTERACTIONS WITH MY LAWYER'S... STAND DOWN !! GET IN LINE !! FUCK OFF !!
2068
2069sorry couldnt hear ya over $ rustling about in my wallet. money i saved by subverting toothbrushes. sucking the toothpaste tube like a cock,
2070
2071i propose a Bussiness offer of the boy who says"Damn daniel".. i should like for him to grace the company of me & my wife, for twelve jewels
2072
2073listen fuck wit. if you dont want me pissng all down the floor and the walls of your public restroom then make the urinals. bigger
2074
2075sorry to all crooks, hucksters, cronies, and phonies... but in this, our year of 2016, police man is sitll king, and the jail, his Kingdom !
2076
2077vision's... https://t.co/CTVJLWTTj2
2078
2079https://t.co/O1R95ncxIE
2080
2081#NationalPigDay no. this is crap . the pig will never have his day. i demand that the "Pig" surrenders this filthy assault on our calendars.
2082
2083while youre all bowing to the Pig Industrial Complex on false holiday #NationalPigDay,. i will be observing pictures of the noble bull moose
2084
2085U Have Forced Me To Take Extreme Measures To Protect My Business And My Lifestyle. I Now Refuse To Open A Single Email Until April The 12th.
2086
2087attn Waiters: giving me one of the free pens from TD Bank ruins the experience of signing my check. it is a slap in the face. A death threat
2088
2089https://t.co/DMMlkeyYuQ
2090
2091huaw yeah you gotta try this shit... just boil the macaroni in the same pot as the spaghetti ... this is called the famous "Double pasta"
2092
2093get me on some ghostboster sites
2094
2095Q: Whats ur least favorite finger to be flipped off with
2096A: the middle one. it pisses me off way more than the other fingers. drives me nuts
2097
2098if it werent for the sport of hockey, nobody would give a shit about pucks
2099
2100Im online at the computer, ready to post pitures of my new sandwich, and ive got a hankering for my ass to get kicked
2101
2102before i drop 20.99 on these bad boys..can anyone tell me if im at risk of being murdered by the nsa if i wear these https://t.co/J5szdlX4wu
2103
2104aangry bird's.. a Corrupted brand. keep far away
2105
2106looking for some open comment sections in marine corps training vids to post racist shit on
2107
2108it was always my idea to fill all the fire engnies with shit and piss to save water. the mayor stole it and planted a bomb in my car
2109
2110crapping fuck... 900 pictures of guns that you absolutely Must see
2111
2112(me in prone position while having my house swatted again) officer if u could please just slip the rest of that campbells chunky in my mouth
2113
2114#SaySomethingGoodAboutTwitter you can easily remove it from your screen by clicking the x
2115
2116imagnie a world where us Common folk are given the blue checkmark and the CELEBs are left out to dry!! Hows that feel, HUh?! Answer me punks
2117
2118cant wait to hurl them at my foes https://t.co/VS3Mw5ic9j
2119
2120the trolls are also in full bloom as well i see ,
2121
2122He thinks it's Cute to come into my mentions and lord his "Hollywood Elite" blood capital over me and my boys
2123
2124stealing valor by purchasing fraudulent military gear from etsy,. parading my insane loadouts in front of our vets as they hurl abuse at me,
2125
2126-racist,
2127-unsanitary condittions (animal near food)
2128- fake holiday
2129-ill eviscerate this pic further at a later time. https://t.co/ycauu88vTY
2130
2131" the bitch of bluejeans" https://t.co/TiJs0ly8kr
2132
2133i couldnt help but notcie you besmirching my nephews Banksy Valhalla, Jordian Computer, Holstein Paypal, and last but not lease, paper mario
2134
2135please read my longform treatise "The Arrogance Of Burger King" available only on my new $70/month content streaming platform "ShitWire Pro'
2136
2137
2138AS J. BOND HOLDS IN HIS POSSESSION THE FAMOUS "LISCSENSE TO KILL," I MYSELF HAVE LICSENSE TO TOUCH AS MANY GRAPES AS I PLEASE W/O BUYING ANY
2139
2140NETWORKING IN HOME MARKETS SUCCESS SEMINAR HOSTED BY JAMES BOND HIMSELF? OH YEAH. IM IN. BUT IM GOING TO NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME THERE
2141
2142THEY SAY A NEW BOND ACTOR IS CHOSEN OUT OF RESPECT EVERY TIME THE REAL LIFE JAMES BOND DIES, AND HELL, FROM WHERE IM SITTING IT CHECKS OUT
2143
2144FULLY PREPARED TO TAKE A HIT IN THE OLD FOLLOWER COUNT TO BECOME AN ALL CAPS, ALL BOND ACCOUNT. LIVE THE DREAM. PURGE THOSE BOZOS
2145
2146i tell you folks this damn itunes is something that you cant figure out unless you are a nasa guy
2147
2148https://t.co/kwVI4obiz4
2149
2150Former U.S. first lady Nancy Reagan (R) joined by daughter Patti Davis at the premiere of the film "Stuart Little 2" https://t.co/43kfKiOtma
2151
2152glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,
2153
2154 pissed off due to Stress,. and the Block All Girls initiative is now officially underway.
2155
2156tarzan is garbage. he sucks more than anything. people need to stop encouraging his shit by making films of him. go home tarzan. fuck tarzan
2157
2158"tarzan of the apes" will never become a Turner Classic Movie. shoddy premise. people find pictures of a man yelling in the woods disgusting
2159
2160if any of you have me blocked please dont
2161
2162RT Bob walker ive had a farm tractor hit from behing man going 70 mile perhour drug me 50 yards broke 3 picies walked away
2163
2164RT Bob walker if gov don t cut. Off head why were 15000 getareens shiped to alanta ga and another 15000 shiped to n dacta fox reported two year
2165
2166RT Bob walker its donald trump doing those things im just die hArd trump man
2167
2168RT Trump man
2169
2170Leave him alone.
2171
2172#truth #fact... it is proven that about 80% of people online are violent murderers. wow thats so many. be safe my beloved followers
2173
2174im being evicted from my home for saying that kfc should sell hamburgers on a public log, and being a general "Dumb Ass" when it comes to IQ
2175
2176guy walking around flaunting his mittens around. claiming that nothings better than mittens. i show him my gloves and he flips the fuck out
2177
2178Leut me make this clear: gloves are Next-Gen mittens , mittens are trash, i will never wear a mitten, i will take down anyone whos mad at me
2179
2180Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers
2181
2182my sources tell me that people are allowed to say the word "ass" on HBO. can anyone confirm this
2183
2184im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me.
2185
2186(poking head up from self suck) augh this tastes like dog shit (goes back for more)
2187
2188Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation
2189
2190https://t.co/JgzWL9be4v
2191
2192https://t.co/o8tH6Rqam8
2193
2194https://t.co/mRy6WSRsmo
2195
2196https://t.co/4TjAQo4iJt
2197
2198https://t.co/2GPjrwfUed
2199
2200https://t.co/tLpgoqqsaY
2201
2202user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table
2203
2204helping the waitstaff by wiping the table down with the same disgusting napkin that I just used to sop up all the bullshit off my face
2205
2206first you have democrats and rtepublicans. theyre basically the same thing. then you have green party and uh, the whigs. theyre the same too
2207
2208(browsing the secret arbys menu that only boys can look at) ah., lets see, ill take one Spicy Onion Concerto with a dollop of SmartCorn™
2209
2210gonna fill up on milk shakes and do some open carry off the grid
2211
2212fuck the grid
2213
2214ME: COMPUTER... SORT THE POSTS ON THIS SITE FROM LEAST TO MOST RACIST
2215COMPUTER: YES MASTER
2216ME: COMPUTER... PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME THAT
2217
2218im one of the friday night lights, from the title
2219
2220really hoping that someday my wife will surprise me by sending me a picture of my own dick
2221
2222Was Going To Send Ur ScreenPlay To Mr Scorcese Until I Found Out U Were Part Of The Failshit Brigade Who Mocked My Seashell Necklace In 2010
2223
2224All music made past the year 1969 is rap. (sseals self in rebuttal proof chamber for 100 years)
2225
2226had mny scholarship revoked because of my bumbling 15 tweet routine about how isis attacked the airport because they hate brussel sprouts
2227
2228YES, my dick is shaped like an extremely small snail's shell
2229NO, you may NOT suck it,
2230
2231dropping some more Asexual Nudes into the cloud, to show the girls and the trolls how clean my body is, from years of washing
2232
2233id like to muse upon a scenario i came up with just now. a DUMB ASS visits a restaurant, after reading a poor review of it in the newspaper
2234
2235we need less mayors and more sayers (of truth )
2236
2237the $100000 pyramid is actually fairly fucking cheap for a pyramid
2238
2239https://t.co/aqZE9yG4t8
2240
2241when people ask me who my favorite comedian is.. i invoke that wacked weatherman "AL GURE" and get one million dollars worth of retweets
2242
2243putting the vacuum on my dick until I stop hearing crumbs go down the tube
2244
2245Tjhis guy fucking sucks https://t.co/ZL67sQF6zm
2246
2247people pay good money to stamp your mail. if you refuse to take the time to thoroughly digest every piece of mail you receive, you are a Cur
2248
2249GEN X'ER: Help im shitting on my pants
2250ME: They have this invention called "toilet" now. Maybe if you hang up the cell phone yould know this
2251
2252the thing i accidentally posted earlier about putting my used condoms in the dishwasher was a virus. my subsequent meltdown was also a virus
2253
2254my work day consists of my bosses trying to goad me into my cubicle so that i'll just sit in there & jack off isntead of ruining the company
2255
2256if i catch you taking " SELFIE " at my used car dealership ( BEST deals in the tri-state area) i will shell you from the rear like a coward
2257
2258i did not say that the kid from jungle 2 jungle should be sent to Guantanamo bay, i just said it wouldn't be racist if he was
2259
2260 still looking forward to the release of the sequel, "jungle 3 jungle," which was delayed to 2038 because of trolls.
2261
2262 a classically tragic dumb ass hwo has the burger king logo imprinted in my brain like a baby bird to its mother
2263
2264please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit
2265
2266weeping because of my heroic burden... spending my last dollae at dairy queen to support girl businesses... chowing down between the tears..
2267
2268whose idea was to call it "Ice cream parlor" and not "Scoop Kitchen" ?? lets get this joke viral and show my ex-wife landlord whos boss
2269
2270 developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house
2271
2272tiodays FunQuote: "Dont forget the WiFi" #FunQuote
2273
2274some times.. the smartest people you know, are Geniuses
2275
2276LOVELY GIRL FOLLOWER: hey.. i noticed you posted 3 barbed remarks about game stop in a row.. is everything ok?
2277ME: NO, everything is NOT ok,
2278
2279when MetalGearEric told his 36 followers i have "A Poor Man's Micropenis" and none of my so called allies stepped in to defend my honuor....
2280
2281im just about to say that if you come in to the kfc support forum w/ a name like "crisp_Kyle" you can go right ahead & click that logout tab
2282
2283Every Time I read a new Tweet on my time line. My IQ increases by One Point.
2284
2285i` ve long supported the classic "One Tooth" rule, which states that every time you make a bad post you should have one of your teeth pulled
2286
2287damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit
2288
2289wife hall of Fame https://t.co/UqTGjtNupd
2290
2291PRIEST: in the name of the father...
2292ME: Yes. Good
2293PRIEST: ...the son..
2294ME: Great. Go on. keep em comin
2295PRIEST: ..and the Holy Spirit
2296ME: No
2297
2298RT nuthig i am looking married fatt girl i am 47yers old man
2299
2300photo's shop
2301
2302https://t.co/gxXH54o3Bg
2303
2304id like a few words with this prick https://t.co/QH016dazoq
2305
2306spending my entire police shift downloading apps where you smear simulated dog shit all ovefr the screen and becoming completely a dumb ass
2307
2308ST PETER: on march 14 2024 you posted simply the words "james earl bond". hope the 34 favs were worth it idiot
2309ME: They were bitch
2310
2311RT hi me and some mates are willing to be nude waiters for any hen dos and I mean totally nude no aprons like nude butlers
2312
2313https://t.co/xkmSFpIBj9
2314
2315(sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby
2316
2317will not be making any new posts until the 5G Network has been officially rolled out. 4g doesn't cut it anymore. fail to see the point .
2318
2319my being a shit head can be traced back to boys school, when i was expelled for using the headmaster's computer to search ebay for " LUNCH "
2320
2321(steps out onto the podium for the annual delivery of his Most Hated "State of the Arbys" address) the state of the Arby's... is strong...
2322
2323images leaked of WildArmsGarret , trusted consigliere of DigimonOtis, taking a bath in one of those old fashioned metal wash tubs
2324
2325youre all a Dog of the Coward's order. ill take you across my knee and slap yopur Ass., i will "GIVE UM HELL" as ordred by the great general
2326
2327my greatest sin is that I've utterly betrayed my "NO FEAR" tower decal by being embarrassingly frightened of birds and butter flies
2328
2329eating a single Dorito on a bed of Jasmine Rice
2330
2331i wont say more of this. but a couple of the big accounts on here have been souporting swearing culture, by posting swears to the time line.
2332
2333peppercorn ranch & buttermilk ranch... one of these is good, the other is completely Fucked, and its not my responsibility to tell you which
2334
2335ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out
2336
2337theres no space in the title you shit mouthts. it's one word, it's always been one word, it will forever be "Topgun." i will not delete this
2338
2339THEY MOST CERTAINLY, ARE NOT !
2340
2341i do not delete my posts. deleting my posts would be akin to razing Abraham Lincolns famous log cabin, just because the trolls are mad at it
2342
2343Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record?
2344A: I do not delete my posts
2345
2346presented with out comment . https://t.co/VNyp4qja2q
2347
2348can anyone tell me if this is good or not. if this sort of thing is frowned upon i will stop immediately https://t.co/neyx6Usg7V
2349
2350Removing the battery from my phone until the time line becomes less toxic.
2351
2352we had 2 cuts of ribeye, a salt shaker half full of salt, a quart of wine, and a whjole galaxy of multi-colored bibs, napkins,
2353
2354taken to task by the ryhthm bastard
2355
2356
2357Risto's Whiff .
2358
2359checked my inbox for 2 seconds & immediately saw a genital. could not parse which type of genital it was before tossing my phone out the car
2360
2361online is where i go to get my A B C's... Abused By Cretins
2362
2363Just met w/ Boys Lunch Club. Seems to me, That we are very pissed off that teen girls would rather kiss, "Soldier Boy," than Actual Soldiers
2364
2365You need at least $100 to join Boys Lunch Club. I will count all of the money in your wallet, so do not try to join if you do not have $100.
2366
2367just doing some nude sunbathing in this gender neutral target restroom. i hope i dont get my dick sucked
2368
2369the girls on this site constantly beg me to show them a picture of the clothes i wear while posting. this is them. https://t.co/1EUP0gwFq4
2370
2371sorry. couldn't see it behind the card I was holding up. https://t.co/T5D6MrcLg1
2372
2373https://t.co/MD3dVHMMln
2374
2375https://t.co/yC3kIVaWsf
2376
2377RT A small mercy is like a summer breeze.
2378
23791989: the fall of the berlin wall is celebrated, historically revered
23802016: i tear down the sneeze guard at old country buffet and get Booed
2381
2382Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's
2383
2384Coward-Centric Platform twitter, removing user handles from character limit, giving the repliers more ammunition with which to shit on me,
2385
2386"ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.
2387
2388https://t.co/eCJ4Ghrvtc
2389
2390i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc
2391
2392kneading my dick and nuts like a wad of dough on a bench at pay less shoe store. i do not appear to be enjoying myself. im frowning actually
2393
2394https://t.co/UJUrQR3BZv
2395
2396https://t.co/IM6YhW3wDS
2397
2398back in the dog house after the wife caught me photo shopping her into vintage car ads
2399
2400oh u think this is funny mother fucker?(Kills ape) YOu consider this comedy? (kills naother ape) and my Missing Plane jokes are bad? Yeah ok
2401
2402my entire face turns purple as i try to enjoy my cup of monday coffee while all my coworkers rush into my office to watch me fail once again
2403
2404stunning: mindful adult , decked out in complete set of riot gear - takes out entire stampede of horses using wisdom and tactic's
2405
2406im the guy who gets really upset about people not putting their real names on here. im also mad at State Farm Insurance for not being a farm
2407
2408INTERVIEWER: we looked you up. you dont even have a twitter account, which is good
2409ME: Actually i was suspended for posting "Gumby shit ass"
2410
2411examining the Ape Case: perhaps many are mirthful of its death as apes are akin to Golems & Vampires, cinematic villains of the classic era,
2412
2413I TELL YA IT NEVER FAILS !! WENT TO GET MY MAIL AND A HIPSTER HIT ME WITH THE STRONGEST STREAM OF URINE I EVER SAW ! KNOCKED ME ON MY DUFF !
2414
2415For your Friday Enjoyment; A "Shit List" of folks I've banned from my Radio Shack: Monica Louinsky, The Honey Boo Boo, Octo Mom, & "Snooki".
2416
2417the other day a trolling Shit sent me the message, "Googoo Gaagaa ". Twitter has indeed threatened to close my account if i dont retweet him
2418
2419was a tad dismayed to find a Rat Brain in my favorite KFC Snacker Meal, B ut the friendly cashier assured me it was merely Intestinal Matter
2420
2421A MERE Musing From A Troubled Husband, Strengthened Through Time: "Let the birds have their bird seed, and unto us boys, the Beer seed"
2422
2423t o the guy who told me they took the ape to the hospital and cured him, Fuck You.
2424
2425mo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"
2426
2427to everyone who thinksn im some sort of dip shit regarding video of me eating a pocket pussy, please rest assured i hated every moment of it
2428
2429
2430handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!
2431
2432Un-Tag me U fucking degenerate cobs of dog shit. You dirt beneath my heel
2433
2434ouh yes!! THe boys have spoken, and they want more! More jokes about the ape! My one man show , entitled "Not-So-Great Ape" will explore th
2435
2436RT honour me with a fuck
2437
2438Cant wait to catch all the exclusive trailers and live events at #GamerGate in Los Angeles this week. Looks to be the best gamer gate yet
2439
2440folks.. reply to this message with your Finest tweet, and i just might drop it a Like... my way of "Giving back" to the community... Thank u
2441
2442
2443-go about my day seeking energy in my life as a Bieng of intelligence
2444-if your sperm count is complete dog shit, i will not even talk to you
2445
2446in the planning stages, for a new feature of my account which i have tentatively titled " The Three Posts. " more info coming soon of this.
2447
2448BLATHERING SHITE: the Dems VP Pick should be subway;s own Jared
2449ME: That man is in jail. Have you done any research prior to this discussion
2450
2451CONTEMPTUOUS NIGHTMARE: (blowing farts w/ mouth)
2452ME: Sir! I demand your opinion regarding Organized Gender's influence on corn prices. SIR!!
2453
2454*Fraud
2455
2456Look again at the post. I did indeed sign it, with a 'D' for dril, after referring to you as a Frau. (german woman) Checkmate.
2457
2458worst food of 2016 : Bread
2459Where to begin. Bread is a piece of shit and its no wonder its commonly associated with the worst drink, "Water".
2460
2461i posted on here earlier about how ihad a leather belt wrapped around my nuts and not a single person asked if i was ok. Fuck you
2462
2463RT @Foreverdesir..thankful. for. life. and. All.the. greatness. that comes. with. it
2464
2465RT Happy. to.be.welcomed
2466
2467RT suck.the. Ball's. honey
2468
2469STOP THE POST STREAM. PULL THE PLUG ON IT. END THIS MADNESS. GET THESE DAMN POSTS OFF MY TIME LINR "LOUSY!!" "WE DON'T WANT EM!!"
2470
2471Are you unquestionably committed to the "Customer First" experience—Do you pledge here and now to bow to the customer's every whim?
2472
2473Your "I Love TD Bank" Car Decal Fucking Sucks
2474
2475- Always retweet promoted tweets.
2476- Always surreneder your username and password to Girls
2477- Always Wait 1hr before replying a Verified Acct.
2478
24791) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing
24802) i will not hear any more questions or comments unless they pertain to MetroPCS, or Pepsi.
2481
2482"duhh thank you cj my boyfriend muah muah muauh (repulsive kissing noises))"
2483
2484amazing to me that people are still complaining about my genius sons being too loud, in 2016, of all years
2485
2486polease cut all art programs so we can instead focus on teaching our children the importance of being Respectful towards influencers
2487
2488Rather tiresome that people wiould rather Threadshit my mentions than say, enjoy a whimsical boating tour through the fair canals of Venice.
2489
2490https://t.co/Me23BwzhoX
2491
2492no!! this is fucked!
2493
2494going to start deleting posts, due to harassment. as in, i want more of it. hbring it on egg heads
2495
2496Just got word that thheyre going to do jade helm 15 again, to punish us for letting the celebs run amok. It 's fucked up but we deserve it.
2497
2498awfully bold of you to retweet my "bad year" tweet on a year that has been extremely good thus far
2499
2500someitmes it seems to me that some people woulr rather join KKK, than join mensa....
2501
2502going to start asking "What do you Think?" at the end of each post, to help stimulate discourse and reap the substantial benefits of Social.
2503
2504indoor plumbing is a ludicrous fantasy
2505
2506i refuse to consume any product that has been created by, or is claimed to have been created by, the (((Keebler Elves)))
2507
2508i'll say !! https://t.co/6v6vqZjk8L
2509
2510"History will show that Brexit was the correct choice, for the future of Great Britain. I also do not believe in sex." - The_Brexit_Asexual
2511
2512i stopped watching all the tv shows my followers think are bad, unfollowed all the Goof accounts, and yet twitter still sends thugs after me
2513
2514https://t.co/D6V99bnYiL
2515
2516wife sentenced to 4yrs for defrauding a charitable organization..U know what that means (pulls worst gaming consoles to exist out of closet)
2517
2518I insist that Moe is the 1st Stooge, Larry the 2nd Stooge, and Curly is the 3rd Stooge. Some will say the order isnt important. Theyre wrong
2519
2520just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT
2521
2522i will never "honk if im horny" .
2523
2524trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...
2525
2526helping the police by yanking the doors off all the public bathroom stalls
2527
2528my agent told me to say ive done a lot of soul searching & have decided that keebler is the treat of the summer
2529
2530a booklet labeled "Mra Shit" falls out of my pocket during my daily buffallo wild wings j/o, sealing my fate and costing me the Yoplait deal
2531
2532Waiter! Oh Waiter! Yes, I`d like to know if I have earned any CashBack Reward`s™ with the purchase of my farm fresh miniature cucumber plate
2533
2534million dollar idea: Dog door that is big enough for humans
2535Billion dollar idea: Dog door that says "Hello" when something passes through it
2536
2537people are still apparently very upset with me for cancelling "the thursday nite rant" feature... let it go folks.. https://t.co/L3gqdFNYCX
2538
2539well im glad theyve downgraded me to "basically" a nazi instead of "literally" a nazi
2540
2541beginning to despise my friends and loved ones for pushing valuable branded content off of my feed as I struggle to comprehend this world
2542
2543https://t.co/flIIEJqiHj
2544
2545hopping on some tech support forums to accuse people with minor hardware issues of being Mad
2546
2547https://t.co/680wHiBVjr
2548
2549you threaten to go to the bathroom on me? i do not think you have the gall to go to the bathroom on me
2550
2551(responding to a troll after increasing my intelligence to Max Level with a carefully optimized content stream) I suppose u think youre God,
2552
2553
2554my name is "Pruce" now. tell every one you know that my name is now pruce
2555
2556tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move
2557
2558sick of bieng fucking shrieked at in DMs just because im one of the few left who thinks girls should not breastfeed while operating aircraft
2559
2560folks keep asking, me, what are Q-TIps for. if theyre not for ears. well the answer is simple. theyre for wiping certain areas of your dick,
2561
2562some times, it would seem to me, that some of the people who use "smart phones", are ANY THING BUT !!! #OhButUGottaLaugh
2563
2564https://t.co/Sx6Ym92g6t
2565
2566no more belly Vids
2567
2568https://t.co/3SXmLlkmxr
2569
2570my agent says if i get my balls neutered off ill be able to calm down & improve my posts. but i keep telling him, my posts wil never be good
2571
2572(sees a cop shoot somone) This is just like james bond (sees a war happen) This is like robo cop (sees a burning house) This is like top gun
2573
2574ive hired 3 of my clumsiest dumb ass followers to spy on my wife and uncover her plots against me, just the worst bumbling fucking imbeciles
2575
2576ive beenn using Confidence and Self Esteem lately, to get unprecedented deals on discarded promotional displays at game stop
2577
2578wailing at th e blooper reel, saying all the things hte actors are doing wrong out loud, punching the shit out of an usher, pop corn flying,
2579
2580girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain"
2581but they do not care of, "Man's Pain"
2582
2583i truly hate winning the infamous "Darwin Award" by getting bombarded with artillery fire in the Super K-Mart parking lot
2584
2585"we live in an exciting age because you can just go get downloads of anything. almost every day there is new downloads to get." - OwedSex96
2586
2587ME: Im far more excited to see what the "Cloud" has to offer, than what the "Clown" has to offer.
2588MY NEMESIS: How dare you tell the truth.
2589
2590i would love to brutally kick the ass off of anyone who tries to be nice to me or be my friend on here
2591
2592 Not Afraid To Shut Off My $300 Asus Monitor From "New Egg .com" Off If The Intelligence Of This Site Reaches To The Level Of Stupitity.
2593
2594what this site needs is the apollo theater "Sand Man" to push all the " MORONS " off stage. I will take this down if it is considered Racial
2595
2596me N' the boys eating messy sandiwches, sneaking around with big binoculars looking for girls & letting every one know who runs this TJ maxx
2597
2598how about we worry about human rights ... after we've fixed all the human wrongs ? #AnHonestMansSay
2599
2600my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
2601
2602- Incest Prank Goes Wrong
2603- Why Thousands Of Geniuses Are Ditching Their Aquariums
2604- Can Plants Make You Smarter?
2605- Moms Can Get Tattoos Now
2606
2607Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig"
2608
2609Cowardice: A Tale In Four Parts https://t.co/Abc1veRqnh
2610
2611(sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this
2612
2613boycot https://t.co/cjb6yRmKMs
2614
2615RT children is true God's
2616
2617im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that i commonly use the abbreviation AWH and get mad when people ask what it stands for
2618
2619i cannot condone taking my previous tweet and using it to say that the "ass wiping hack" is me. i regret putting myself in such severe peril
2620
2621the first part, of most of them
2622
2623everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume
2624
2625horny does'nt exist
2626
2627i will write it someday my friend. thank you
2628
2629does it not save a total of 12 keystrokes, which are widely regarded to be considered to be known as the "Typist's Syllable" ?
2630
2631It's become apparent that this is a measured attack .
2632
2633Fuck off, "Deft Beck"
2634
2635just as Christ washed the feet of his disciples , i proudly volunteer to allow my girl followers to use my shirt as a napkin,.
2636
2637so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement
2638
2639https://t.co/Xicc7KD6jn
2640
2641RT Good Morning Friends
2642My Son ( Rio ) explained to me that writing in capital letters was like shouting.
2643erica
2644
2645I do oft in times flush my waste as soon as possible. I have no desire to look at it. I would rather be reading expensive novels to my wife.
2646
2647somebody please Bribe me
2648
2649ME: Are these Vine Ripe
2650WAITER: Yes
2651ME: Is this Farm Fresh
2652WAITER: Yes
2653ME: Are these "MAde To Order"
2654WAITER: No
2655ME: I will notify the police
2656
2657incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"
2658
2659i do enjoy spending my weekends "Joining the Army". oh how i hate when monday rolls around & i must say goodbye to all of my soldier friends
2660
2661for every year that He is not featured in Forbes Magazine as the worlds richest man... GOD will sink one of our battle ships
2662
2663YES...i have the healthiest Gum Line as verified by the Department of Records
2664NO...i will not chew food for you
2665NO...you may NOT kick my ass
2666
2667https://t.co/DucUHgy6ng
2668
2669the james bond 007 ez board will not let me change my user handle to WHITE_LIFTER, even though it contains no swears. i am in crisis mode
2670
2671#NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...
2672
2673let's all be my wife
2674
2675scrolling through the timeline, not comprehending a single thing, but smiling and nodding slightly when i see the word "Favs" or "Retweet"
2676
2677becoming a cop so I can access the police computer and scrutinize the Walmart receipts of my rivals digimon Otis and warez_lad
2678
2679"if theres a spicy brown mustard, why not a spicy brown ketchup?"
2680The wise man smiled.
2681"my friend, the condiment you seek is Barbecue Sauce"
2682
2683ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were made
2684COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this
2685
2686thinking of life's i could have led in other worlds..... https://t.co/G1yZpvuort
2687
2688they are going to build a moscque on the wtc. #SelfieForSeb
2689
2690sick of guys like jared and storm roof getting themselves beat up in prison just so they can snag a trending topic on twitter
2691
2692they are going to build it soon.
2693
2694it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud
2695
2696Thw common law wife is giving me "Side Eye", for accidentally eating some of the poison they left out for the stray dogs in karachi
2697
2698a good commercial idea would be a cop who pulls a guy over ansd steals the out back steak house gift card from his wallet while checking id
2699
2700i will respect the wishes of th e mayor and the townsfolk by not fucking the pumpkin patch and ruining the harvest, only if i am given $100.
2701
2702(in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch
2703
2704
2705boys night https://t.co/lHeOCEyC9p
2706
2707jokes on you , my followers peak hours are 2-4am because theyre all unemployed and depressed
2708
2709im not obligated to respond to thits shit.
2710
2711hm? U want me to stop posting about the latest deals at Boscovs? well i wish bugs would stop biting my dick..but " PAL IT AINT HAPPENEN' ! "
2712
2713RT feeling hourny and erotic
2714
2715#MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES "
2716
2717WAITER..ive made it quite clear U are not to speak to me until im ready to select the Spice Level of my braised quail dumplings..now BEGONNE
2718
2719im afraid you do not grasp the enormity of who it is you are dealing with. (removes diaper,. revealing two sub-diapers ) Shall we continue..
2720
2721RT Jackass 3D is the best
2722
272319:00 hours. im whereing a condom right now. temperature: 74°F. air pressure:1012hPa. just had a phenomenal potato salad. Wind Direction: NE
2724
2725https://t.co/eOWHh1XaL2
2726
2727this is the Essence https://t.co/9fbLYVAhgm
2728
2729in 2017 i will make a concerted effort to become a ringling brother.
2730
2731RT If you are looking for a longpig to
2732Cook and eat.it would me my pleasure to be served
2733To your.
2734
2735does anyone else remember when the owner of forgot to switch to his personal acct before @-ing pictures of his turds to a doctor
2736
2737RT ##? https://t.co/dD89ygrHWm
2738
27391st grade: Mastered.
27402nd Grade: MAstered.
27413rd Grade: Mastered.
27424th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you
27435th Grade:This ones hard
2744
2745a man from botswana is threatening to ddos a picture of my ass if i do not post a list of my favorite pasta shapes by 6am. i will not relent
2746
2747am i correct in assuming that everyone is happy about prisons not being private anymore because now we get to see the inmates dick and asses
2748
2749hello 911. the toilet seat ripped my loin cloth off again
2750
2751please check out my devastating one-man takedown of the thanksgiving day parade, which was given a PG rating by the MPAA due to " sarcasm".
2752
2753jusut dropped 8000000 HKD on a usb-interfaced sniper rifle that blocks one of my insolent followers at random every time i pull the trigger
2754
2755one of the things you realize when becoming a genius in many aspects of life is that the world wide web. and the computer, is the same thing
2756
2757Fine. I'll shut the fuck up now.
2758
2759i maintain that curly is by far the most malignant stooge. without his toxic influence, moe & larry couldve ascended to unfathomable heights
2760
2761ok which one of the trolls told some company in Singapore that im interested in bulk purchases of cheap laminate flooring. i demand answers.
2762
2763when you're sitting on the toilet theres a tiny opening between the seat and your dick/nut area. this is known as "The Daredevil's Spittoon"
2764
2765hey your trays dont fit in the fuckin trash cans. i am a CFO in real life and an oversight like this would cost me my Nuts .
2766
2767stay out of this. i have them on the ropes. do not interfere
2768
2769https://t.co/GrM1OYtwI9
2770
2771https://t.co/UQZy0mX0CT
2772
2773Q: Would you describe your Brand as more "Uday" or "Qusay" hussein?
2774A: Qusay, without a doubt. Qusay.
2775
2776u got 1 side saying dogs have paws & the other side saying dogs have hooves..then me, the guy who cuts thru the BS, saying they have Niether
2777
2778shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right
2779
2780i would simply much like to know where i can purchase a nice cloth to place my miniature guitars upon. please do not send me the frog pic.
2781
2782https://t.co/N1WDBpcJga
2783
2784"Wrong"
2785
2786kelly bluebook is my gf
2787
2788frowning while the entire waitstaff of California pizza kitchen sings "happy birthday" to me, looking like a lump of shit in a neckbrace
2789
2790https://t.co/MXXeGzqfwb
2791
2792new mcdonalds-flavored burger king sandiwch given the coveted score of "Eight" by food experts
2793
2794im so sorry you had to go through that.... i apologize on behalf of all guys who dump huge bags of turds and piss off of overpasses
2795
2796(to guy who is filming video of me on his phone while i am siphoning fountain soda through a horrible device) fuck yoyu stop taking pictures
2797
2798KFC is making BIRDS and LUNCH
279910954 patrons
2800$545060 a month
2801
2802all good boys keep a jar of sulfuric acid at their station to punish themselves for sending horny dms or goig offbrand.. just a drop will do
2803
2804looks like a "whos Who' of my dreadful follower list https://t.co/IvoOlKSbep
2805
2806i got like a whole page of arbys coupons... no big deal
2807
2808but more than a snack
2809
2810friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,
2811
2812it may seem that cops are all fucking dumb, bad at IQ tests, etc, but they only pretend to be, to lull crooks into a false sense of security
2813
2814feel as thoguh our nation, our world, is closer than ever, to Christ, with KFC's recent announcement that they are to turn birds into wine.,
2815
2816(me dming) i am merely a vessel through which the posts flow. i accept no rewards.. for i have no name, and no face. Do u like wearing bras,
2817
2818get this down off the computer.
2819
2820ounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!
2821
2822" snorting a line of coke up my big ass "
2823
2824bet yoyu think youd never find a mother fucker like me at a primarily Black church. but i like to go,.. just to Smile.. bask in the Energy..
2825
2826the fool tries to make one million dollars.... but the wise man knows that its much easier to make $0.000001 dollars one trillion times
2827
2828never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud.
2829
2830ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*
2831
2832if your tweet doesnt grab my attention in the first 9 or 10 characters it can just fuck off
2833
2834angel-voiced 5'2" man forbidden by mayor from performing at this years christmas pageant— "described as upsetting" "this tradition must end"
2835
2836(insufferably) It's pronounced. "Bloomin Onion." The 'g' is silent.
2837
2838who does this guy think he is. https://t.co/vJTdgRC3U9
2839
2840(takes off VR goggles after howling in fetal position for 3hrs while guys in varsity jackets slap the teeth out of my mouth) wow its so good
2841
2842(spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good
2843
2844the entire contents of the kfc smokehouse angus chicken snacker slide out and fall directly into my shirt. "IM FUCKED" i yell out
2845
2846the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site
2847
2848me and the boys have decided that the least gay way of wiping your ass is to dump a quarter bottle of Palmolive Spring Sensations back there
2849
2850holding up hte line at Aldi with a barricade of shopping carts, desparately trying to contact the ex-wife to ask if im allowed to eat Pectin
2851
2852did they get it off line yet. did they take off the pic of tweetie bird with a humans ass
2853
2854reseurch https://t.co/JNa6kozNnU
2855
2856this is called doxing now, and its a form of crime
2857
2858LET US SPEAK NOT OF THE YOGI BEAR , WHOSE MANNEURISMS, GAIT, AND DEMEANOR , RESEMBLE THOSE OF THE DISREPUTABLE JEWEL MERCHANT "BLOOD DANCER"
2859
2860https://t.co/98AEZxsxlH
2861
2862using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,
2863
2864the ass ratings are in.. my ass needs to be given the old " HEAVE-HO " on the fast track otu of here and thats the facts jack. Boo to my ass
2865
2866these are the same steroids that cops use... and you can now order them online for the very first time
2867
2868you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though
2869
2870whos been leaking my dm box . https://t.co/k4H0hp9klm
2871
2872when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self
2873
2874but not Good enough for the follow ?? Hm?
2875
2876yea i torched the dennys. and i woudlve gotten away with it, if i werent the only guy in town with a custom jersey that says "My Wife" on it
2877
2878damn. some one told me the first day of autumn was a solstice so i didnt jack off during it. now my sinuses are all fucked up due to T level
2879
2880vineger contains so much energy.. thats why moms call it, "Free Money"
2881
2882the weak shall wither and die...(JACKS IN TO TREELOOT .COM CIRCA 1999 VIA THE INTERNET ARCHIVES AND CLICKS ON THE FUCKING TREE 100000 TIMES)
2883
2884ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine"
2885shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck up
2886ME: Yes sir
2887
2888COP: found the culprits blog..another 1 of them Incels
2889DETECTIVE: the only "Cell" he'll be "In" is a cold lunchbox next too mammas meatballs
2890
2891my boy's...
2892
2893sickening https://t.co/CnbuNh3bkp
2894
2895pushing one of those home depot mobile staircases onto its side., getting that shit wedged between the aisles, because they dont sell Geodes
2896
2897https://t.co/bOoyC58zRA
2898
2899mind of a lion.. heart of a Pregnant woman
2900
2901it is sio, so easy to Mindhack the government and get permission to dig holes in your yard
2902
2903the famous time-tested classic, the philly cheesesteak, has become Sexualized by greed
2904
2905too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now
2906
2907meat loaf just ordered the venue to keep the lights on the audience so he can see if any trolls have infiltrated his show
2908
2909(genuflects as two golden lights come forth from behind me, taking the form of majestic angel wings) i would never hold a seleb at gun point
2910
2911i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
2912
2913 a natural showman. i love to show off my natural's
2914
29155000 Year Old Turds Found In Ancient Diaper Revealed By Scientists To Belong To Man With Small Penis, Shapely Hips
2916
2917getting fucked up new reports that both of the vp candidates were washed and scrubbed in the same big bathtub, minutes before the debate
2918
2919i feel, as I, over time, become even more of a Dumb Ass, i am able to consume web-based content and Media at increasingly Blistering speeds,
2920
2921
2922i dont like this one either, remove it
2923
2924Thoroughly Unimpressed. https://t.co/P4B629tINJ
2925
2926were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,
2927
2928RT i would love to be with other people willing to be nude. i am poly and am having trouble finding a women to fall in love with me and my wife
2929
2930(everyone in dm notices ive been trying to type something for 10min straight) sorry all. iwas just writing down a girls phone number in here
2931
2932ok... #JustMyThoughtsOfIt
2933
2934told to "Sit my ass down" after wasting my one question at the town hall meeting by asking if the secret service agents get to see them nude
2935
2936"Ive been studying to become a Pharmacist"
2937Thats good. Im living in one of those crane game enclosures now. Sometimes the claw jacks me off,
2938
2939COMPUTER ... SHOW ME MORE " KEN BONE " SHIT https://t.co/fjxrtCa4bV
2940
2941https://t.co/SLsxCRFgeZ
2942
2943(wearing one of those fucking stupid hats with the word "Press" on it) mr president! do you think DC Films should show bat man taking a shit
2944
2945"DISRESPECTFUL !! DISRESPECTFUL !!" the crowds shriek, upon learning that the scene of bat man wiping his ass & sucking his own dick is Cut,
2946
2947for every bra yo u dont wear i will wear 3 Bras #NoBraDay
2948
2949check out the new "Five For Five" offer at mc donalds... thats Five soda's for five bucks "Or your money back"
2950
2951post "I love the mcdonalds Five for Five plan" if you support Don. post "Mcdonalds five for five is Bumpin" if you support Hillary J Clinton
2952
2953fucking a stack of emoji t-shirts at target or kmart or wherever the hell
2954
2955i can not catch a break folks. my 78 yr old son has been pissing into the boiler some how and making our home smell like a reptile enclosure
2956
2957"theyre called millennials because thier souls are 1000 years old...." - truthGamer
2958
2959my followers love to Drool & Shit like a bunch of dirty daugs; and they would see me damned to Hell if i cut off their precious content flow
2960
2961Im the guy who exclusively wipes his ass with the disposable seat covers
2962
2963BREATHTAKING: clever husband sells all of his sons war medals on ebay as punishment for exceeding family plan data caps
2964
2965ive never met any of them, but i know that there are guys out there who name their dogs shit like "Rover " and "Fido"
2966
2967i do not find it unreasonable , during my scheduled Cleaning, to ask my dentist to wash my dick as well, since my dick is basically a tooth,
2968
2969your fingernails, not your dick. i have no opinion of your dick.
2970
2971i accept that all the things i post "For Fun" are to be met with physical violence, including elbows to the face, shattered knee caps, etc,
2972
2973A tag has been placed on Utz Quality Foods, Inc. requesting that it be speedily deleted from Wikipedia.
2974
2975IVE ALWAYS SAID IT !!
2976the people we see of today are somewhat more known to care more of their Face Book Status, than their Brain Status .
2977
2978https://t.co/mop7fWFGrt
2979
2980there is NOTHING wrong with having 1 Million Doallrs
2981you are NOT defined by your one million dollars...
2982having 1 Million Dollars is normal
2983
2984BOSS: i need you to go around to all the other employees and collect their piss in this thermos
2985ME: Yes Sir! I will not fail you, your honor
2986
2987https://t.co/V62q6kbaUK
2988
2989palm thrust my entire head through the fucking wall and kick my big ass while im trapped like a stuck hog
2990
2991is wiki leaks hacking twitter agian or are the people leaving numb skull comments on my page actual human beings
2992
2993you gotta check out my posts
2994
2995if you turn the patterns on their shirts 90 degrees... the trusted REFEREE becomes the despicable PRISONER.... truly life is a fragile Bitch
2996
2997let me show you how its done .
2998
2999strawberry
3000
3001i will never support pears again after the tree on my street constantly dropped nasty pears that got run over by cars
3002
3003it is tragic that my followers refuise to obey my direct orders , and that i am often told to get "Ass-Fucked" when i ask for pieces of food
3004
3005unfollow , unsubscribe, block and mute all Gambler's
3006
3007people do not appreciate the grace and dexterity that is required to shave the fat pink rolls on the back of my head that looj like hotdogs
3008
3009thank you normand https://t.co/5kv6RlVQz5
3010
3011" []D [] []\/[] []D " <<<< thats how you type the word pinp
3012
3013im an adult, and i deserve to listen to the verison of the super bowl shuffle where thw word "Ass" is not censored by the referee `s whistle
3014
3015i believe that while i was Resting, Aeris_Nader, the snake that he is, dropped a pinch of baking soda into my ass crack and poisoned me
3016
3017when you click on the tweet and it says "Whoops! Something went wrong" thats how you know its good
3018
3019when somone posts a vile piece of home decor in the group dm but you have to bite your lip because youre on the lowest sub-tier...
3020
3021i think that in 2013 digimon otis was seirously convinced that they were going to change the name of gamestop to gameMosque
3022
3023(playing russian roullette and its my turn)
3024hasta the vista mother fucker
3025(shoots the other guy
3026
3027handing print outs of my most beloved arliss (arli$$) quotes to trick or treaters
3028
3029i got lock jaw from eating pasta out of a dogbowl and my wife will be here in 2 hours to marry me. help me github
3030
3031ironing my suspender straps and treating them with powders... in the privacy of my study...making the nit wits and losers absoltuley furious
3032
3033how do i add " GUNS " to my posts ........
3034
3035FETID BOZO: Ahhh oil spills are bad
3036WISE ADULT: the sun will evaporate the oil, & the wheel of mother gaia spins goodly, As does all things,
3037
3038in base ball theres only points and players. i will be Shut Down for typing this.
3039
3040accosted by several of my followers last night.. would nnot fuck off, awful, screeching voices..overpowering urine smell. Terrible. Terrible
3041
3042RT I would love to you Naked one day.
3043
3044RT I don't like you anymore you have a Rat Face. your face looks like a Rodent.
3045
3046RT hey sweetie,i dont know if your aware about the shit,but terminater2 is on starz
3047
3048blue jean's... Activated .
3049
3050here are this year's Vote Multiplers for election day. no, they do not stack
3051policeman - 10x
3052army man -12x
3053verified acct - 15x
3054Asexual - 18x
3055
3056it is so beautiful to me, to have my ass lovingly wiped by my girl friend, knowing nothing is more pure than this bond, Nothing more strong,
3057
3058the worst part of having an ass is always, having to wipe the damn thing. the best part of having an ass is shitting. #ElectionFinalThoughts
3059
3060if you ask me this election could end about 100 different ways:
30611) trump gets 0% of the vote
30622) trump gets 1% of the vote
30633) trump gets 2% o
3064
30650% and 100% are the same tnhing
3066
3067░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░▐░▄▄▀
3068░░▄▀░░░▐░░░░░█▄▀░▐
3069░░█░░░▐░░░░░░░░▄░█
3070░░░█▄░░▀▄░░░░▄▀▐░█
3071░░░█▐▀▀▀U▀▀▀▀░░▐░█
3072░░▐█▐▄░░O░░░░░░▐░█▄▄
3073░░░▀▀░░░U░░░░░░▐▄▄▄▀
3074
3075surprised that nobody here had ever used the phrase "pissed on execution style" unttil i described my poor customer experience at hhgregg
3076
3077
3078everyone loves it when i go to their parties and mix all the whips together (cool wip, reddi wip, miracle whip etc) like a fucking shit head
3079
3080reality tv show where we replace one lucky boy's pc gaming chair with a fully functioning toilet. every episode
3081
3082ive been known to look at 2, even 3 emails , at the same damn time
3083
3084https://t.co/BHSPoX2nIW
3085
3086some one explain please to me why the letter board at my local arbys has said "happy hour" for months now, before i get the police involved
3087
3088i do not give a shit of the official WHOTUS stance, i refuse to hear it, i will never forgive the turkey, i will not bow to that filthy bird
3089
3090everyone thinks youre a celeb when all your cars windows are tinted but people only get those so they can jack off on the go
3091
3092https://t.co/wzpJ13ZS7l
3093
3094FELLA'S... WHEN YOURE WIPING YOUR WIFES ASS... YOU MUST ALWAYS, ALWAYS USE "TOILET PAPER"
3095
3096RT TO ALL POLICE OFFICERS IN AMERICA"THANK U" PLEASE ALL OFFICERS"NATION WIDE U MUST STAND UP AND TELL POLITICIANS ENOUGH"
3097
3098RT U are nothing but cowards"U couldn't do a cops job in one day"U talk crap because u hide behind your tweets"U are the one's who run"COWARD"
3099
3100i cannot sit idly by while my followers get shit on by the terminator
3101
3102would like to issue a correction ,regarding my comments of Japanese toilets. they do spray water on your ass, but they do not suck you off .
3103
3104DOCTOR: you have the balls of an 80 year old man. your dick is mostly normal. your pubes suck. I didn't look at any other parts of you
3105ME: h
3106
3107extremely frail man, tasked with gathering hundreds of dildos thrown onto the football field by overzealous fans— booed incessantly; Reviled
3108
3109top 3 Engagements
31101. faved by Charles Martinet.. voice of Mario
31112. direct message from the official Lunchables account
31123. the one to my wife
3113
3114RT Netflix
3115Would you cancel my account please
3116
3117fellas... you know i dont ask for much... but my fake US embassy in Ghana just got shut down and i dont know if i can make rent next month,
3118
3119reasons the famous statue "The Thinker" is better than selfys & cell phones:
3120- It is a classic
3121- It is for geniuses to look at
3122- It costs $0
3123
3124eating 1/2 lb of beef boulougnase and getting roid rage from it
3125
3126ive mastered "Draogns Path," ive not taken a shit in over 20yrs,& im willing to have my ass hole inspected by a notary public, to prove this
3127
3128from now on. i am calling everyone who is a dumb ass. "Anti- Intelligeance"
3129
3130conversation ,ended
3131
3132my ass looks like a Stooge's ass
3133
3134if you have ever retweetted me without it equaling endorsing me , i will shatter your smart ass little turd stained laptop against my legs
3135
3136" NO BULL SHIT" is not just a phrase i like to say, it is also a way of live
3137
3138derekgamer
3139
3140people named fucking "Curtis" need to get a grip, and start calling themselves "Curt" which is a rteal name
3141
3142GeniusTalk - dog food has been putting subliminal messages in theire food to make dogs think they taste good - TruthVisions
3143
3144Maybe the phones get smart enough.. They will do the yapping, for us !
3145
3146i will not build a single snow man... until i respect , all of the real men, first
3147
3148the bird bath institute considers any stone bowl between the size of 8 to 40in. to be a bird bath and they are sick of people disputing this
3149
3150im going to be one of thsoe guys who writes ebooks named like "Brain God: Calculation Master" then spend all day screaming at people on here
3151
3152my fatass head floating in the sky, looking down at all the Girls i follow bantering/ having a nice time on here, nodding, thinking its good
3153
3154taking my treat plate into the bathroom with me because my followers are a wolf in sheeps cltohes
3155
3156cornering a janitor for 50 minutes to tell him how i was once involved in a polyamourious relationship w/ the guy who said "lee roy jenkins"
3157
3158first you got th e 3d tv. now you got the 4k. whats next. 5
3159
3160https://t.co/0PEljl2Bmp
3161
3162RT The fact that I'm breathing is enough to know I am Blessed.
3163
3164RT Si Justin Bieber ka ba? ? Kasi puro ka nalang "Sorry" ??
3165
3166RT Go put your creed into the deed, Nor speak with double tongue..
3167
3168dr oz tells me on his show that you can just pour a shit load of mouthwash into your laundry instead of wasting money on various detergent's
3169
3170RT Are we the only ones who think leaving ammo for Santa instead of cookies is cool idea? Merry Christmas from https://t.co/gCOkC5Lkaa
3171
3172dr oz says due to the sheer volume of milk & cookies santa consumes, you have no hope of poisoning him with piss or cum. wont even notice it
3173
3174RT الأسطورة
3175The legendary!
3176#ColonelBucket https://t.co/ihrKBO51Fc
3177
3178"Howard Stern should start a pod cast" may be one of the worst things ive ever posted, but still seems unfair to have my tires slashed daily
3179
3180if I could only get my Nasty mitts on some HARD-WARE , (RAM , Chips, ) my posts would improve tenfould,
3181
3182the human mind... perhaps the most powerful weapon. second only to the "GUN"
3183
3184if one more Fucking girl comes on hhere asking for pics of me or my friends feet i`ll shut down my multi-million dollar corporation for good
3185
3186(dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in any of that
3187
3188children.. toddlers.. babies..they all got one thing in common. they all truly believe they can kick my ass. but they are Fundamentally Weak
3189
3190breaking down mentally because im all out of toiolet paper and i cannot decide which wendys coupon to wipe my ass with
3191
3192all the pictures of bacon on the #nationalbaconday hashtatg look like utter dog shit , these people are out of their mind, uploading these
3193
3194i had that dream abgain... the one where im at the coliseum, annihilating shitloads of roman gladiators by drifting around in my macktruck
3195
3196two bearded 55 yr old intellectuals, sitting opposite of each other in two stately leather seats. musing upon the concept of a "Paper mario"
3197
3198Upsetting.
3199
3200between the gun & the blade.. throwing knives are the "Best of both worlds" when it comes to eliminating thousands of home intruders at once
3201
3202scribbling my exposed dick out of this photo with a blue bic pen so its good enough for linked in
3203
320495% of people these days think the bad celebrities are good. like and share this if you miss the days when pople li… https://t.co/GoTDk8LBsR
3205
3206(carrrying a huge polkadotted bindle, looking like a dumb ass , shoes completely untied) Mother.. Father... Im leaving home to join the cops
3207
3208this's police. your ass is grass. your tits are toast. your dick is dirt. your balls are busted. your mouth is Mother Fucked. your shit is s
3209
3210the more i think about it, them ore i understand that if i won the Nobel Prize, i would become either a genius, or a millionaire
3211
3212once you achieve the coveted post count of Seven Thousand...Thats when you gain access to the prestigious halls of MENSA. not one post less.
3213
3214trapped, fully nude, in restaurant bathroom. boss & his wife will be here in 10mins. trying to see if i can make a tuxedo out of tolet paper
3215
3216Adorn Your Front Door With A Tasteful Welcome Mat Or Shut Dah Fuck Up
3217
3218RT Whoever fuck wit my truck and stole my dip.. Im literally gonna whoop ur fuckin ass idc who you are
3219
3220RT Up at the gym and somebody stole my dip.. Wtf? You could've stole my Oakleys that we're sitting there or my $100 jacket. Don't touch my dip.
3221
3222https://t.co/OqP3FJzG8Z
3223
3224things im currently in trouble for accidentally Liking:
32251) a picture of a girl
32262) the Mafia
3227
3228someobdy on here just sent "the cup of stfu" to isis and all of the mainstream media outlets are refusing to report it
3229
3230goblin: im going to put up a post saying that the fake news is good, and that i like it more than i like the real news
3231ME: not so fast bitch
3232
3233please stop aksing me in the dms if i have to go to the bathroom. i just went to the bathroom and im fine.
3234
3235Damn. the MomTown forums just started requiring 4 point Mom Verificaiton to be able to post there for some reason..anyone got a work around?
3236
3237the trolls think its " SO FUNNY " when they sit on my lap and jostle their hips around until i ejaculate al over their ass. grow the fuck up
3238
3239when journalism was good, https://t.co/fLjPzXG75H
3240
3241-the drew carey show forums harbor a subforum named "Hell"
3242-users are sent there when they absolutely fuck up while talking about drew carey
3243
3244https://t.co/84cEJRopgU
3245
3246https://t.co/9vlMFms7DG alright here it is folks. big things are coming... "Let us build the Content of tomorrow"
3247
3248mr. 11656 unread emails over here,..
3249
3250(ffully immerses self in a picture of sponge bob saying "Dat Boy Tho")
3251
3252CHILD: Papa.. tell me once more about WIFE's DUTY
3253PAPA: it is WIFE's DUTY to protect her husband from villains, always
3254
3255Jsut arranged an 8-count box of pop tarts to be sent to a girls house. Looking forward to explaining to her how to prepare them
3256
3257https://t.co/BrmJ0X3Oy8
3258
3259pig nosed man arrested for trying to whisk an egg using his fingers
3260
3261the show, "Hee-Haw, " sucks mother fucking ass
3262
3263ask me anything u please, as long as its about my ambitious plan to build a castle in the Jungle for the apes to live in, called "Ape House"
3264
3265once again ive been reported for calling Odie "The dog from Garfield" to make people think i know less about garfield lore than i actually d
3266
3267((attempts to dress up for hte first time in my life to attend Grandmas funeral but ends up looking like a school shooter from the matrix)
3268
3269New Wet Ass
3270
3271MAIN STREAM MEDIA: why do all your jack o lanterns have a hole in the back thats the exact circumference of your dick
3272ME: no further queston
3273
3274trying desperately to come up with a name for my new cajun styled recipe that isnt racist and just fucking up constantly in the worst ways
3275
3276thinking about hopping on some sites tomorrow. havent made a decision yet but i will let you all know. sound off in hte comments below.
3277
3278god once said "pit bull" https://t.co/3rs2e8DFpf
3279
3280COnsuidering becoming one of those jack asses who gets head aches from wi-fi
3281
3282can any one who knows of Politics tell me if this is good or not https://t.co/6ShvHIK03o
3283
3284 constantly told those words of "Fuck off" by the girls of here... when i can hook them up with any App that they desire...
3285
3286pleased to announce that i will shatter all barriers in 2017 by becoming the first adult gerber baby
3287
3288what if instead of oil-- the warhawks were all after the enemys piss. like "we gotta take baghdad. we gotta get their piss." just having fun
3289
3290a crass message got on here some how and im trying to debug it. in the meantime please check out https://t.co/fUq3h548ge
3291
3292free mustard offered at burger king... genius?? or a "Beta Move"
3293
3294people come up to me and say, "I will never use the bathroom. I will never shit" and i gotta tell them pal, sooner or later youre gonna shit
3295
3296going t o start saying, "Wife City" whenever i see an attractive woman. e.g... "thats Wife City" or "that girl is Wife City to me"
3297
3298please help my cousin "Bruno_THought_Leader" who just had his account suspended for threatening to "Fuck" brexit
3299
3300hey all . just learned about this new shit here, i think you will like it if you enjoy using the computer https://t.co/BWNiaAEbpL
3301
3302never say to me, the word "WaWa"
3303
3304i love doing the shitty pushups where my knees are touching the ground and counting them as real pushups
3305
3306huge banquet, everyones having a nice time, everything looks extremely normal, except the big banner hanging from the rafters—"Racist Mensa"
3307
3308https://t.co/c3YkRLCXdI
3309
3310https://t.co/N9WbBjUrRi
3311
3312I GOT
3313- SUCKED OFF -
3314AT HISTORIC COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG
3315
3316look, im not saying that martin luther king jr was a gamer. that would be ludicrous. im simply saying that if games had existed at the time,
3317
3318i hate it when the refferree kicks me in the balls and ass while my opponent has me in a head lock
3319
3320several bernie Sander Bros, in High Levels of govt, have told me they think its good that DJT keeps ivanka feet pics in the nuclear football
3321
3322my dick is bulb shape, nobody helps me, and whenever my browser needs to be updated i call the police
3323
3324https://t.co/ekH5yWgByN
3325
3326man in moving car slaps me in the face with big hand full of dog shit ,flipping me the fuck backwards,landing with full weight upon my neck,
3327
3328leafing thtrough another heap of death threats and served papers that have been 100% tailored to my interests, using Tech
3329
3330(plays some Tchaikovsky records at the highest possible volume) ah it sucks ass. but my IQ is increasing so much
3331
3332issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the terror group ISIL. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them"
3333
3334/ ! \ / ! \ / ! \ if this post gets 5000 likes, my wife will give me back my inhaler / ! \ / ! \ / ! \
3335
3336every singe day... my followers ask me. where can i get the latest Kfc DinnerPlan. and the answer is simple my friends. "Mc Donalds"
3337
3338i will never define what being racist, to a bastard like you
3339
3340ACCOUNTANT: I Just don't know how you can justify donating $700 to "Chips Ahoy"
3341ME: i hope your car flips & becomes your fucking firey grave
3342
3343(shows up at new media seminar with a chunk of wooden fence stuck around my neck and a bunch of stray animals following me) sorry every one
3344
3345massive, hulking gorilla of a man, compeltely covered in hair, lying on a mattress and jacking off to his one immaculate shaved leg
3346
3347an angel slips a booklet of my top posts into the pockets of the pope, the master of islam, and b.netanyahu, and the world Rejoices in song
3348
3349in the year 3000 historians examine the preserved contents of an ancient time capsule: a piece of cardboard that says "Game cube sucks dick"
3350
3351authorities forced to destroy entire 35,000-ton chernobyl sarcophagus after misunderstood online entrepreneur gets his dick stuck beneath it
3352
3353(someone chastises my secret underground gym b/c poor ventilation, medical access etc) if my gym kills any one it will be you mother fucker.
3354
3355INTERVIEWER: do you have customer service experience
3356ME: if I catch a customer shoplifting I will serve him a knock out. I will own his life
3357
3358erica. 1st they get us fired from amtrak for saying jacking off in the control car is good, next they start poisoning our wendys
3359
3360https://t.co/jGExQnNkou
3361
3362the next time they do a live stream of a rare endangered bird they should let users control one of those old timey horns that goes "AWOUGA "
3363
3364Who give's a fuck
3365
3366RT I have stated to not wear shoes a lot. how do you get through the pain of walking on stuff like gravel
3367
3368 only here to field questions regarding my presidential bid. i will not discuss my ongoing project, tentatively titled "Aids Mario."
3369
3370-dont click on nudtiy
3371-do not respond to nudity
3372-wear a loin cloth underneath your clothes in case theyre ripped off by mechanical equipment
3373
3374the police cut off my finger for sending my birth mark shaped like the under armor logo to the under armor social media manager unsolicited.
3375
3376genius 1.0, is fucked https://t.co/BEX7XsqckR
3377
3378Disrespected at hooters again
3379
3380https://t.co/922w4UHd5t
3381
3382reading a 900 page book on Dry Rubs and immediately forgetting all of it and just dumping a shit load of cocoa pebbles on my ribs
3383
3384i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites. you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you
3385
3386in 2015 user chanegd the world when he deprived himself of using the toilet as part of the #NoPiss challenge. now, hes taking on Turds
3387
3388it is so hard folks, to maintain my world famous Post- Racial Outlook, when the damn gas prices refuse to stay down tto a reasonable level,
3389
3390"Please. The time has come for you to Normalize the repulisve and despicable Digimon Otis." No. I will not normalize that fool ,or his sins.
3391
3392(wtaching a video of capt Jack Sparrow shitting on the number 2016 while the camera zooms in and out of his ass hole) Oh this is everything,
3393
3394https://t.co/cRujz2LwsK
3395
3396DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the "Kick My Ass" challenge. please dont do this
3397ME: you have no power over me, old man
3398
3399were at the point now, folks, twhere the CIA will kill you for having Opinions, but refuse to assassinate the nitwits who fuck with my Page.
3400
3401mmy next big emotional investment is becoming passionately covetous of the bowls of warm tap water that are commonly left out for dogs
3402
3403mesmerized by the branding, of the Wendy's Arby's Group https://t.co/YdhkwtJgxe
3404
3405PEOPLE MAG: which pop culture icon are u going to Slaughter next...
3406ME: I have set my sights on "The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B."
3407
3408https://t.co/sW5V28DXV2
3409
3410(girl tells me shes sick) aahh that sucks so much. you can come over & have some of my mens one a day vitamins. probably works on girls too,
3411
3412old screensaver: spinning 3d monolith with my wife on it
3413new screensaver: marquee that says "Truck Month" regardless of what month it is
3414
3415RT https://t.co/hK8L9130Ux
3416
3417NO... I DO NOT "PUT OUT " FOR MY GIRL FOLLOWERS... UNLESS YHEY
34181) ARE NICE TO ME
34192) HAVE FAVED AT LEAST 5 POSTS FROM MY "TREASURY" SERIES
3420
3421some people get their accounts suspended for cursing out celebs.. i get mine suspended for posting things like "Sports is making a comeback"
3422
3423inexplicable dip in google hits on my web site "Wayne Tracker," which has provided up to date info on the upcoming Waynes World 3 since 1998
3424
3425turning a big dial taht says "Racism" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right
3426
3427jacking off is Alphamail
3428
3429(the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved)
3430
3431reasons to invite me to the next "Tweet Up":
34321) if i get unruly i can be easily overpowered
34332) i know which seasons of the simpsons are good
3434
3435visiting New World's https://t.co/WbkNLQMVdQ
3436
3437im on a watch list for capitalizing "Balls"
3438
3439(dming the girls) this swebsite is the future. were pioneering... minds
3440(dming the boys) this website is sellout. this website is family guy
3441
3442nneed the emoji to be the size of an actual mans head on my screen please. to suspend disbelief https://t.co/YRAvtJohGf
3443
3444miss when the favs were star shaped, instead of heart shaped. the hearts aare just another filthy product of the horny industrial complex
3445
3446man at national cemetery tackled down, face shoved into grass until head turned purple for saying "may the 4 be with you" to each dead troop
3447
3448i would really love to try getting my dick stuck in a pine cone. but i wont due to trolls
3449
3450https://t.co/hOZyMlpCiU
3451
3452matrix 2: pedaphile killer
3453
3454im near certain there is a hotly contested tug-of-war between fox executives upon the issue of whether or not homer simpson can show his ass
3455
3456i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank
3457
3458(emotionlessly) tacos is spanish for "food"
3459
3460geting a wife https://t.co/wRu22q64XQ
3461
3462Unamused by the portmanteau of "Groupon"
3463
3464"booty" is code word for "ass" . this is known
3465
3466harvard geniuses/ scientists love to wind down by going on boards and posting threads named like "What is the screen resolution of a mirror"
3467
3468bubba burger is short for "bubba hamburger" and the y take pride in serving absolute shit to nobodys
3469
3470,my name is borat for me to poop on and i love riding the short bus to the olive garden where i live
3471
3472
3473
3474
3475
3476
3477
3478
3479
3480
3481damn right he did https://t.co/Mxhwib7fW1
3482
3483mr buzz feed here folks. just lost my job again, this time by trying to sniff a flower on a mans shirt and getting water squirted in my face
3484
3485much of bliged
3486
3487saying "augh" out loud every single time I move the phone away from my lap and reveal to my self, my pud, which looks like a coiled turd
3488
3489you know society is ASS-FUCKED when people spend more time wiritng "Tweets", than bibles
3490
3491https://t.co/BCCatDiLsn
3492
3493RT BOUT TO GO TO THE AND GRUB ON SUM HOME MADE CHICKEN TACOS...WATCHA KNOW ABOUT IT
3494
3495RT i'm searching for some torrents to download
3496
3497RT Doing jigsaw puzzles
3498
3499got a big piece of velcro stuck to my big ass
3500
3501RT I wanna send a T shirt for u. I will write many words on the T shirt from my mind. but at first give me ur address.
3502
3503just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "thick hooters". lets clear off the bathroom mouth
3504
3505calming down, with magnets
3506
3507i may not know "jack shit" , but i know my friend "Jack fists" and he would like to come to knock the shit out of your teeth,
3508
3509Kurnis
3510
3511whos the true detective
3512
3513would like to get one post out today without my son taking me to task in the replies ffor letting my ex wife take the car
3514
3515im the guy at mcdonalds who decides which states the offers are not valid in, an d i get more death threats than god
3516
3517drawing that big boy hair.. therapeutic https://t.co/QxpV7omI6n
3518
3519considering referring to my feed ,from now on, as "The Signature Collection," at casual get-togethers, mensa meetings, etc
3520
3521my promise to all women: my promise to all women is that i will seal theur nudes in a velvet envelope, and wont open it until im 100 yrs old
3522
3523https://t.co/JzTVdxitfx the state of owl sfx on you tube fucking sucks ass
3524
3525i have squandered the last of my fathers good will by christening our new boat with the name of "S.S. Mind Of Mencia"
3526
3527my fuckin opinion of politics? heres my fuckin opinion of politics. not a single senator in the history of the united states, has been white
3528
3529#85Collapse ive been saying from the very beginning that interstate85 fucking sucks ass. now that it collapsed girls are blowing my phone up
3530
3531they got the idea of shocking gay people, into straight, from the episode where fred flintstone gets bonked in the head and becomes a Genius
3532
3533all credit, for this image, goes to Snooker https://t.co/EffHqi9iW6
3534
3535RT Change my name to conner
3536
3537could not find the hospital in time to console my dying grandpa because googlemaps changed all the road names to "Bacon Street" or some shit
3538
3539stuffing my fat pussy with sage
3540
3541now, bear with me folks. if you want to know why i would post something like "stuffing my fat pussy with sage", simply look at the calendar.
3542
3543https://t.co/ODqiFz7ERn
3544
3545Mpuh. I could take the time to pick your pathetic posting logic opinions into shreds, but i wont, because i have a life in real life, Thanx,
3546
3547Mr. Ass Health 1998
3548
3549inconspicuously jacking off duringi the board meeting using a series of ropes and pulleys
3550
3551thinking of becoming a "Pipes" dipshit
3552
3553https://t.co/ZahxLKW5V0
3554
3555these noodles sucked https://t.co/pVhOR3EszZ
3556
3557more then anything.... https://t.co/yf6cZl7M3b
3558
3559when i see people putting up foul language on to the feed, all i can do is laugh, knowing that they will never get their posts read on Ellen
3560
3561me and my followers would be very pleased to see the national reinstatement of "the cobble stone road." a master piece in engineering
3562
3563downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works
3564
3565forum gods:
35661) the guy who dug a big hole in his basement & posted pictures of the hole
35672) the guy who intentionally gave his wife head lice
3568
3569how come when s, bannon gets removed from the national secuirty council nobody gives a shit, but when it happens to me everyone kicks my ass
3570
3571theres a magic number of times you can reply to me before a police man automatically destroys you. nobody has ever reached it, but its there
3572
3573there are guys who have replied to me hundreds of times and they will get theirs ,very soon
3574
3575taking up a precious spot in the line for the overcrowded bathroom so i can sneeze into the toilet one single time
3576
3577please do not say "top notch" to me unless you want to spend hrs explaining what the fuck these notches are & who determines their hierarchy
3578
3579this shit really hits home for me since i was once forcibly removed from a united airlines flight for having a bee hive stuck on my head
3580
3581thank you
3582
3583i rescind my 2009 tweet "bat man fucks joker", as i now understand, through the wisdom of age, that bat man adheres to a noble moral code
3584
3585consider the cornerstone of my beloved acct..the "Follow Back Guarantee." i will follow you back always... no matter how much you suck shit,
3586
3587yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a " JOB "
3588
3589my loyal followers are calling me a "Pussy" because a car kicked up a piece of rebar or something and popped me inthe fucking teeth at 99mph
3590
3591theyre nice
3592
3593if this board was real life id be allowed to embed as many bmp files as I want to. if this board was real life you'd change your tune quick
3594
3595a perfectly formed snow ball just came out of my ass
3596
3597ilove the idea of beating the shit out of my Son's rival's dad at the little league game with a suitcase full of cash
3598
3599a Husband said to a Doctor... Write me up a prescription of" Myfuckin".. Indeed, yes. Myfuckin Beer, Myfuckin cofffe,Mmyfuckin slippers, etc
3600
3601all right. so first off we know that the hamburglar has become soft in recent years. the customers no longer fear him
3602
3603and it is necessary, I believe, to threaten your customers with some sort of villain, to incr… https://t.co/eovIo99ptq
3604
3605but how do you shake the core of a public fresh off the heel's of the 9/11 atrocities. what i… https://t.co/PFVkEweRyU
3606
3607they fear Chaos. they fear those who dont simply loot and plunder as the hamburglar does, but… https://t.co/OvX7rQNEHk
3608
3609and so me & the boys have invented "the mcshitter". a fictional man who jumps up on tables an… https://t.co/xMDQRYePQs
3610
3611i know its fucked up. but "shit" is one of the last few apolitical threats. 99% of ppl on bot… https://t.co/xYih0My1DW
3612
3613this is money in the bank. put the mcshitter in all of your branding, and enjoy a tenfold inc… https://t.co/cquOdQ4J3D
3614
3615your current slogan, "Im Lovin It", will no longer do. i would suggest replacing it with "Loo… https://t.co/WYxDMgHhed
3616
3617it will go without saying that hes an ugly son of a bitch. goblin-like. someone you;d particu… https://t.co/ic6DOSRDi2
3618
3619i would suggest studying caricatures from early 1900s racist war propaganda to help your team… https://t.co/CnJeTZFm0F
3620
3621thats it. thank you for hearing me out. i am a huge fan of the"big mac" and im nice once you get to know me
3622
3623pissed thr fuck off by "Dub step"
3624
3625https://t.co/uGh521Xvt9
3626
3627please refrain from writing extraneous stupid shit on the bass drum in any of your future stock images you cock suc… https://t.co/mHr6zl4GC9
3628
3629calmly browisng my 100 Sites per day, as recommended by the experts
3630
3631hello. what is your online user handle please? ok. ok thanks. blocked
3632
3633https://t.co/pWcpxp19zl
3634
3635now, all trhis talk in the media about me not wiping my ass; i dont know where all this is coming from. if any thing, i wipe my ass too much
3636
3637paying women to ram me with thier cars
3638
3639Welcolme.
3640
3641spending time thinking about a fucking disastrous hypothetical penis that has a hole thats wider than the shaft, like a funnel. and frowning
3642
36432016... NEed I say absolute shitting more?
3644
3645shiting into a tube while earning $4 an hour from home
3646
3647RT *klik 'Google Chrome',
3648*Bukak 'Facebook',
3649*Bukak 'Youtube',
3650*Bukak 'Twitter',
3651*tutup Chrome.
3652*blank kejap...
3653*klik Chrome balik,
3654*paham2 la.
3655
3656RT Follow twitter @billgates
3657
3658RT writting on pc
3659
3660RT First le Tour. Daughter, son-in-law, and I followed you to Paris. Fabulous. Thanks, Lance, for inspiration over the years.
3661
3662Thomas Husband
3663
3664RT @Husband37
3665
3666RT ill be. Youre friend
3667
3668RT http://t.co/D4tmJyOGHg
3669
3670RT First tweet of a frustrated husband, son, entrepreneur and a man..
3671
3672done retweetinh husband accounts. it has become Trite, and Obnoxious to me.
3673
367496 year old man goe's back to kindergarten after losing ihs job at the chemical weapons factory due to Gas Prices and the Economy #InspireMe
3675
3676thinking back to it.. most slaves, only had to deal with one master. the Modern Content Producer has it far wrose, having to please millions
3677
3678every day, send one teen to iraq, and bring one truoop home to experience the hardship of teens life... #AnotherMansShoes
3679
3680YOU: jacking off is everything. jacking off is my raison d'être
3681ME: jacking off is a zero sum fool's game and im clicking x on this chat now
3682
3683(flips wallet up in the air and tries to catch it in a cool way but spills its contents all over th e place ( $2))
3684
3685Blocking my wife's account, at the advice of my therapist, "TekkenChauncey"
3686
3687suckng off a wadded up bra in honour of national bra day or what ever. i dont know. who gives a shit
3688
3689azon referral link to osme mens bathing suits that i found very tasteful/practical & you all act like i put a gun to your heads
3690
3691check out this little guy if you have never seen him. his name is mickey mouse and you can find him on any computer
3692
3693Traitors https://t.co/zgFjQZgjaH
3694
3695wish that was me https://t.co/p3SQmVBZ6R
3696
3697wringing my dick out like a sponge and letting all that gray water drip all over my bluesuede shoes
3698
3699im not tipping any more waiters until the facts come in, regarding Putin
3700
3701Flying to Dubai, UAE, to jack off in a hotel room.
3702
3703azon accidentally charging me for 100,000 prison uniforms i will review each of them with the despised rating of 1 star
3704
3705my favorite part of the classic 16 tons song is when he threatens to kill me and beat the shit out of me for no reason in the middle of it
3706
3707AUNT: We will miss our Guinea Pig "Charlie" who had to be put down today
3708ME: NAtural Selection At Work.
3709COUSIN: I will fucking rout your ass
3710
3711RT Sam,
3712Sorry, but Gorilla Glue is not recommended for this use.
3713The Gorilla Glue Company
3714
3715RT We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. If you need to talk, please call Mary Ellen directly at 1-513-527-3749.
3716
3717RT to ghost adventure can u do a investigate green man tunnel and broughton school in south park ,Pa
3718
3719RT Hey Whatzup
3720
3721i love iwt when a big thought bubble appears over my head featuring guys pouring entire bottles of barbecue sauce out into a thick pile
3722
3723top complaints im working on:
3724- the racism ( of course)
3725-posting the same shit over & over for years
3726-not posting enough of the classic shit
3727
3728having my Balls exfoliated by a Doctor
3729
37304' 8" man pile driven by beloved 102-year old crossing guard "Mr. Jim" after making a racket at payless shoes
3731
3732"Every Women" by SegaBoris
3733Every women is a rich tapestery ,
3734Woven by the lord to be Nice,
3735Never Racist, and always
3736Have a interesting life
3737
3738ah,. so I see you too have an interest in tech, and epic sciencse. Get this, i just read that each bitcoin is now worth, over 100 bitcoins
3739
3740thinking i might be able to get the blue check mark if i post a 40 page manifesto and spray piss all over the fresh produce at krogers
3741
3742the us census has analyzed 100 million diapers and figured out which race has the worst smelling turds ,making live leak comments obsolete
3743
3744Re-tweet me pussy
3745
3746ON LINE........ https://t.co/4HDeWH64Is
3747
3748imagine a world where we could all smell our turds while theyre still in our body. capital one whats in your wallet
3749
3750#promfail unaware of big wet towel hanging out of ass; whipping around knocking over refreshments as i get agitated in response to Hostility
3751
3752SOup is not lunch. Soup is a condiment
3753
3754i propose,on may 5th, we hold what i call the Banquet of Posts. we go all out on that day & do as many posts as we can. The Banquet of Posts
3755
3756my "The Banquet of Posts" has now ended. There were so many posts from lots of different people on here, and they w… https://t.co/qDmpHF9XiR
3757
3758Leeroy the Jenkins guy
3759
3760guy reading tweets out loud at a gathering: ah, ah, check this out. he just posted, "Leeroy the Jenkins guy"
3761everyone else there: Thank you
3762
3763RT https://t.co/E6CAuBZMgs
3764
3765RT Pleas guys today no explen u killi my wafe never sorr becaus u clever no mess guys today me I killi u http://t.co/TGPsPRk9PN
3766
3767ATHLETE: THERE IS NO HOCKEY WITHOUT "PUCK"
3768ATHELETE: THERE IS NO FOOTBALL WITHOUT "BALL"
3769WISEMAN(SMILING):THERE IS NO WISDOM WITHOUT "BRAIN"
3770
3771klout score + IQ = Amount of $ in bank
3772
3773thinking i can help girls bycruising around town selling tampons and pads out of my ford Fusion for cost of product + gas money
3774
3775
3776how likely are you to tell a friend about mcodnalds
3777
3778you hacked the poll you stupid fucks. this survey cost me $10000 out of pocket to conduct. you ruined sometyhing beautiful you pricks
3779
3780inventing the Vertical Sandwich, that you can eat hands free, like a ffucking dog
3781
3782sensing activiy from one of my known "Black Listed Accounts." do not engage of it, lest you intend to shit on me & everything ive worked for
3783
3784top 10 diapers annihilated by throwing axe Fuck sopa
3785
3786if you 'accidentally' spill an entire 7-11 big gulp on a sears mannequin they will throw it out and you can go have sex with it in the trasg
3787
3788running multiple red lights while listening to the radio jockeys Flawless "dr. evil" impersonation and scream-laughing
3789
3790currently seeking buyers for "Zonked in the Pecker" thw only sit com where the wife punchs her husband in the dick at least once per episode
3791
3792https://t.co/KRxsNVCAzR
3793
3794i would not discount pua techniqes just b/c girls are wise to them now. for instance,w. a few modifications i can use them to rear pit bulls
3795
3796everoynes talking about comey but, get this: i dont even know who he is
37972934 RT 1293 FAVS
3798i dont know what nintendo is either
37990 RT 0 FAVS
3800
3801my main issue with "master chief fucks cortana" is if you read the halo novels youd know the space suit automatically jacks master chief off
3802
3803CNN NEWSWIRE: the guy who voiced the dog in the beggin strips commercials is now "beggin;" the american public to put a stop to jade helm 15
3804
3805
3806my problems with "who to follow"
38071.i dont know most of these people well enough to burden them with a follow
38082.it should be 'whom to follow"
3809
3810RT MY COMMENTS TO YOUR CAPTION , WHOSE TURKEY IS IT...MY NICK NAME IS CHICHKEN...K.F.C.IS KENTUKEY FRIED CHICHKEN...MY COMMENTS OF
3811
3812when i told u all i had to get my dick surgicly shortened b/c i slept on it wrong and injured it, i opened myself to you, and you Spat on me
3813
3814congrats all. thanks to your tireless efforts, and unrelenting, coordinated aggression, the cheese cake factory now serves, "The Eucharist"
3815
3816some people say, normal peoples brains work in 2-D, while famous authors brains work in 3-D...
3817
3818Donald Fump. Poop fuck
3819
3820to the trolls https://t.co/qvXxLFcZBm
3821
3822 wirting the worst fucking book of all time and none of you can stop me https://t.co/2iiqUBaoyi
3823
3824DM-Girls ask why I seem cold. Distant, lately. The reason is This: My rivals obtained 3D models of my dick & are now sending me dildos of it
3825
3826weve toiled to bring you the greatest specifically tailored user experience of all time. PLease uncheck the box that says "Shut the fuck up"
3827
3828we here at the teen outreach initiative love to "PULL THE RAT" and "CRUSH A LOAD" like the rest of them. we know how to jack off
3829
3830as the man who was personaly tasked with wiping roger ailes ass id just like to say theres no way im more than 40% responsible for his death
3831
3832(band plays me on stage, wearing tux)
3833The constitution grants me the right to eliminate those I deem disloyal to our nation
3834(light laughter)
3835
3836if the infamous "OCTO MOM" were to come out of the woodwork and start preaching to us of her thoughts of politics, i would just about SHIT..
3837
3838another ass kisser of ouctomom = Erase and MOve on
3839
3840BITCH !!!
3841
3842my new shit: "Burger king = mc donalds"
3843Please let me know what you think of my new shit, and provide suggestions on how I can improve it.
3844
3845james bond: ill fire 1 round and suck your Dick before you hit the floor. ill kick the floors dick off and fuck its ass
3846hellboy 2: Game on
3847
3848RT fuck you
3849
3850i consider protected, locked accounts, to be the most Powerful accounts... for it is they who have Blocked the entire world
3851
3852i am deeply sorry for finding a way to make around minimum wage for the garbage i produce, w hich people… https://t.co/pmDXKtj1Hl
3853
3854please look at this
3855https://t.co/oeZB7uWSbQ what is wrong with u. holy god
3856
3857how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my followers could be giving my posts "The finger," without me even knowing it
3858
3859getting really into the idea of sleeping on all fours like a dog until my spine becomes super fucked up
3860
3861imgagine if people went through life trying to collect IQ Points in so as much as they try to collect Dollars. verify me. verify my account
3862
3863theres been a mistake sir. please un block me https://t.co/sXp5f42umi
3864
3865SEX !!!! !!!! ...now that i have you're attention, here are some pictures of me and my wife having sex
3866
3867(ass sticking out of pants spraying poison everywhere whlie i step towards the podium to apologize to the press) Ah Shit. I forgot my notes,
3868
3869if i find the mother fucker who ruined my daughters lives by changing his wifi name to "the poop bathroom" i`ll have his balls on my mantel
3870
3871ount of gunpowder needed to blow up my dick, and only my dick
3872
3873mario means "penis " in japanese
3874
3875ok. ive been lied to
3876
3877i finally learned how to photoshop the bitter fbeer face onto women after spending 15 years jacking off to the keystone bitter beer face ads
3878
3879https://t.co/rn7g7y0jbP
3880
3881i love spending 10000 dollars to make my car loud as shit and suck ass
3882
3883too many movies about rats
3884
3885absolutely pounding a zip lock bag of cut up hot dogs in the portle potty
3886
3887give him a chance. please
3888
3889i regret to inform my followers that the fig leaf i wear on my pud at all times has migrated to my ass hole and is stuck inside of there now
3890
3891mindless drones: i will wipe my ass... i will wipe my ass...
3892really brave and handsome guy: no!! i will NOT wipe my ass
3893
3894driove 5 hours to rodneygamerfield's apartment to sit on his mattress and watch the animatrix while he played on the computer.
3895
3896(after sendding 500,000 messages to Arbys without getting any favs or replies) i dont care. their commercials arent even that funny any way,
3897
3898(dick gets caught in car door which drives away, rips it completely off along with half my torso, intestines spill everywhere) Holy Mackerel
3899
3900jason born is smarter than steven hawking, combined
3901
3902i see the followers that guys like have and wonder, why can't i have followers who are nice ?? why are all of my followers pricks
3903
3904i would like to invest $500 million fucking dollars into this please https://t.co/zL2l46x1WH
3905
3906ellen made me sign some papers and put a big blown up picture of my leathery dick on her show instead of my topical tweet. ellen fooled me
3907
3908me & the boys will be holding hands., forming a Covenant Ring, to protest girls who only want to fuck the main pirate from the pirate movies
3909
3910I just got word that the trolls are atempting to change the name of the Stratolaunch LEO aircraft to "The Stalwart Pussy." We must stop them
3911
3912the reviews are in folks https://t.co/ujfAOBTt5Q
3913
3914FOOL: Election day should be a national holiday
3915GOD: No. Elections shault be held on the day of April Fool's, to teach WASHINGTONDC a lesson
3916
3917"For years many have wondered what the letters 'DC' in washington DC stand for. The answer is quite simple: Dollars & CEnts"—Winnie the Pooh
3918
3919im thinking a tiny palm-sized toilet you can just keep on your desk & jack off into would soon become as ubiquitous as the personal computer
3920
3921"the account has too many jerk off posts on it" "the account has too many posts about going to the toilet. i cant relate to that" fuck yoyu
3922
3923(trying to apologize for sending dick to 900 girls) you see the phones have a front & back camera. so taking pictures is really complicated,
3924
3925RT https://t.co/KsARUnlw1x
3926
3927(accidentaly fires entire ar15 magazine into my foot & leg with 100% accuracy rate) alright. thats fine. heres what i think happened, [1/82]
3928
3929oerdering 40 plates of baby back ribs on a stolen credit card so that i can get enough wet naps to clean my entire body #JustGuyShit #normal
3930
3931going to start thinking it's " Not a good look" to order 1000 island dressing without being able to name the 1000 islands
3932
3933best part of being a #Verified is undoubtedly having cops throw flash grenades through the window of anyone who tweets the word "Ass" at you
3934
3935i lovoe challenging people on here to Duals and beaning them with a sniper rifle while theyre like fucking with their phone, waiting for me
3936
3937laying in the submissive position, letting a gang of trolls piss all over me and saying "Im getting too old for this shit" like a bad ass
3938
3939https://t.co/6oQeH4pVUy
3940
3941downloading some very interesting pictures of DJs
3942
3943THE BOYS: were watching the mr bean episode where you can see his ass. get over here
3944ME: cant. wifes making me watch mr beans holiday (2007)
3945
3946
3947it's a disgrace. nobody fav this please
3948
3949RT I live in N O went to ROUSES to buy 2 pounds of boiled crawfish paid cash black lady behind me got 7 pounds boiled crawfish
3950
3951RT saw you on BEEG and XHAMSTER really great your neighbor
3952
3953RT celebrity need money! pregnant daughter
3954
3955revealing the gender of my baby by eating a whole bunch of food dye and taking a huge pink shit in front of my relatives. ah!! its a girl !!
3956
3957you d o not have to tip the waiter if you say "Thank You" more than 50 times, over the course of the meal
3958
3959havent gotten any sleep since group dm split off into like 3 separate factions because XenoMarcus said metalGearEric's chili looks like shit
3960
3961the secret -- to becoming a content genius -- is that you have to be able to name every font face on the planet while being water boarded
3962
3963I lvoe giving thousands of dollars to my real friends while kicking my fake friends asses
3964
3965im the only guy who knows how to call out the bull shit of society the smart way. and against all odds i do it for free
3966
3967RT my devorce is final im going out and haveing a blast tonight
3968
3969RT twitter has made a big change in my life thank you hot and sexy ladies
3970
3971RT forgive me if i did or said anything to upset you im very sry
3972
3973RT Yasiel Puig aumentó la ventaja de los Dodgers con este estacazo de tres carreras #VeranoMLB ⚾? https://t.co/LFgGAwhYhu
3974
3975unlike normal humans, geniuses do not like bull shit
3976
3977RT n
3978
3979going to the fire station to kick all the firemens asses wearing my fat ass denim overalls
3980
3981geiting my mother fucking ass Rolled for taking too many pictures of the gym
3982
3983my friends and colleagues in the dms are begging me to jack off to balance out my stress levels. but im not jacking off. i will not do it
3984
3985thinkinga bout paying a newspaper $1million dollars to run my opinions regarding the Circus
3986
3987how the fuck did you manage to post 14.4k tweets to 0 followers
3988
3989MIRACLE: world's most compassionate man posthumously marries every Woman who has ever died in the line of duty #EidMubarak
3990
3991computer DeleteMyPorno "EraseMyPorno"
3992
3993DUMBASS: SHut the fuck up
3994THE WISE MAN: No you shut the fuck up
3995
3996wow. look at this https://t.co/yB1O1g8xgs
3997
3998if i get on here and say something like "Readers Digest Sucks Cock" do you think theyll give me a free subscription
3999
4000looking for Coins https://t.co/rmYcDoaw4H
4001
4002nothing will ever be the same again #wikileaks https://t.co/prBNIEqBiN
4003
4004idid nothing to deserve this https://t.co/Bl6YuzAdDD
4005
4006RT https://t.co/yxiTiXWtUf
4007
4008i extend to all my Pregnant Woman followers.... the hand of Unity https://t.co/L5BYZBTThB
4009
4010you cant like dms dick head https://t.co/ydKGglPtpa
4011
4012banne d from the Laugh Factory after getting on stage and forgetting if husbands like the toilet seat up or down
4013
4014mother fucker calling himself Elmer Fudd on the CS server, NEed I remind you that, on the show, Elmer Fudd's Kill Count is essentially Zero?
4015
4016Huuuuuuu!!! Lets see those favs... One Two Three
4017
4018men guy https://t.co/pDBFnXVfCF
4019
4020me and the boys pooled together our total life savings of $1789.34 in a last ditch effort to rescue the failing quiznos brand from the brink
4021
4022writing a scathing letter to THE MEDIA for letting me become DUMB as SHIT !!
4023
4024ive decided that "gabagool" is italian for Lunch
4025
4026people who jack off in the bedroom: spiritual, harmonious, Attuned
4027people who jack off in the bathroom: intellectual, mechanical, productive
4028
4029I just read in Forbes, that even Gamers can become millionaire now. I read this is Forbes
4030
4031Just like the damn bomper sticker says -I Will flip my car on top of you and snuff you out if i see you "DAB" , Regardless of race
4032
4033Please remove this before my sponsor sees it
4034
4035gah. turned a corner too quickly and maimed my nuts
4036
4037everyone please soend me the money equivalent of whatever your reply is worth instead of putting your words underneath my posts from now on
4038
4039when twitter verifies shit like, oscar the grouch from seasme street, instead of my acct, i get so mad that i kick fucking holes in the wall
4040
4041Ive reported this crap
4042
4043my ass looks like a fucking frankensteins ass
4044
4045Bandwagon Hiptser: Everyone who has normal opinions is a rat
4046ME(Normal opinions): Youre a dumb ass because youre in a circle jerk against me
4047
4048my idiot trolls get ulcers whenever i say my top 10 favorite film quotes to girls
4049
4050i will do any thing for my Sheriff
4051
4052someone on here just called me a "Cunk" because my wife wont let me buy a harp
4053
4054DONE WITH people who think that ronald macdonald is a real person
4055
4056(in "not knowing what chickens coming home to roost means" voice) looks like the chickens have come home to roost,
4057
4058i have not forgotten the crimes of "Tweety Bird"
4059
4060
4061respecting the Serpent... https://t.co/ofkZCI35r3
4062
4063thinking aobut turning into a wolf and kicking hurricane sandys ass
4064
4065getting too big from steroids and smoking cigaretts in front of girls, walking around like a dumb ass, waddling like i got a log in my pants
4066
4067pissed off by my nintendo peripherals and other stupid shit rattling around toomuch in my $1600 brief case
4068
4069ount of piss in the public pool, turn purple & foam at the mouth. i scream as the lifeguard injects me with piss antidote
4070
4071feel like im the only person smart enough to notice how much hourglasses suck compared to normal clocks
4072
4073when the doctor ask's you for a stool sample but you dont know how much he needs so you load up like an entire keg with turds "Just in case"
4074
4075if iyou come on here talking to me about your penis, or saying unreasonable things about my penis, your account will be "Knocked down"
4076
4077watch this marines Epioc response to being told that he should replace his gun with an enormous lollipop
4078
4079it was my idea to make the avatars circles, i got $1.1 Mil for it , im not sorry and if the trolls dont Stfu i will make more things circles
4080
4081worrying a lot about our geopolitical foes recording& transcribing our military comms and its just 900 pages of "Permission To Jack Off Sir"
4082
4083Holy Shit.....
4084
4085i just got logged on to the site and im going to need you all to shut the fuck up for like an hour while i get caught up on my feed here
4086
4087im going to start a college called Ass Kick University where i just kick the teens asses when the walk in there... am i RIGHT folks??
4088
4089stinkers or classics. whats good to post
4090
4091Serious votes only
4092
4093i know of two types of people⸻people who know bianry, and people who want to morph into a piece of dog shit and get stepped on by a hot lady
4094
4095" I DESERVE MY WIFE "
4096GET OF MY ASS!! KING OF THE ROAD
4097
4098I WILL NEVER "PIMP"
4099
4100Dont see whats so funny about me accidentaly getting a tattoo of a diaper, but by all means, dont let me stop the Circle Jerk. By all means,
4101
4102been reckon ive been thinking about heading on up to the big city to (reading note card ) to get my "Ass Clowned"
4103
4104my favorite angle to park my car at is 45 degrees. i call it "The Golden 45" and if you key the shit out of my doors i only become stronger
4105
4106lying on my back, screaming like a wildman while my trolls graze my balls with a spinning bicycle tire
4107
4108
4109
4110WIFE thinks she can tell her man, when to SHIT!! WELL GUESS WHAT! i will SHIT when I LIKE TO! and if that Pisses her off..DIVORCE HER ASS !!
4111
4112getting my pussy hammered like a dumb ass
4113
4114one of the all-time classic flubs https://t.co/1NQnf0rXc9
4115
4116welchs juicemakers, (pauses a moment to collect self, holding one finger up, audience hanging on my crucial forthcoming words) but for piss,
4117
4118RT Where am I
4119
4120i am trying my best to appease the appropriate individuals so that i ma… https://t.co/cz5ASiIFVp
4121
4122thank you
4123
4124MAKE NO MISTAKE》i Appreciate the flawless, invaluable wisdom posted to us by the celebs, and they, in turn, appreciate my valuable feed back
4125
4126once a year on every forum some guy posts a thread called like "Im done with wiping my ass" and all the people who get mad at him are banned
4127
4128https://t.co/i2AnPLod6f
4129
4130my Face when im looking at pictures of other peoples faces on this website that are purportedly reacting to bull s… https://t.co/rIx1QvEvlE
4131
4132as long as i can post from the cage it's fine
4133
4134RT Heut Burger King?
4135
4136RT Learning about twitter.
4137
4138i love "having my druthers" (??)
4139
4140remember folks - you can click on my posts at any time to make them bigger on your screen
4141
4142The Moderation and Administrative Staff of the Star Fox Strategy and Technique Discussion Boards DOES NOt encourage its users to crank off,
4143
4144i now hereby declare that all of the guys who reply to my posts are now married to the girls who reply to my posts, and thats that
4145
4146just occurred to me that i dont have to report to my followers everytime i accidentslly drop food on my dick. my posts should get better now
4147
4148dropped a mouthful of spaghetti on my dick just now
4149
4150Heres my new opinion that my followers will absolutely hate and i will make $5000 from saying on the news . "Piss is a type of shit"
4151
4152the time has come for verifed mark
4153
4154 a gaaaamer of constant sorrow, https://t.co/2kI0qFc8CR
4155
4156smiling to my self... thinking this just might be bat mans biggest adventure yet
4157
4158Dont like the posts ? Goto WWW . KILL MY ASS DEAD . COM...
4159
4160when will the snake people of washington dc wake up and stop suppressing the release of "Bawitdaba 2"
4161
4162switch handle to "Gamer Wonk"
4163
4164genius hack: keep all of your toilet paper in the car so you have to walk all the way out there to wipe your ass. it 's "Good Exercise"
4165
4166wish that for one day, for just one day, that i may live in RAT'S WORLD ...
4167
4168Asexual VR
4169
4170the idea of saying "Oh, Absolutely. Absolutely" in the demonius voice every time i bust my load has suddenly become very good to me
4171
4172"Oh I was just PostShitting for laughs" EXactly. And that is why U forever languish in obscurity while i engage brands U could only dream of
4173
4174RT look for wife https://t.co/GbCefUZZ3A
4175
4176i post at the pleasure of my follower's. people can typd shut the fuck up at me and im not going to. i post at the pleasure of my follower's
4177
4178i often disagree with DigimonOtis, but his efforts to keep Sharia Law out of the donkey kong 64 wiki are much needed in this wolrd of danger
4179
4180picture now, on this Warm Summer's Night, if all the "SWEARS" on this page were replaced with helpful links to mazda "Sign and Drive" events
4181
4182is pregnant part of lbgtq #LGBTBabes
4183
4184(apprehensively tries pouring some orange juice and knocks the glass over like a piece of shit ) ah , they dont make em like they used to...
4185
4186im sorry for posting that vid of me sitting on the toilet and sneezing like 8 times in a row, and ive ordered my top men to try to delete it
4187
4188watching hours of people on you tube destroying "Dennis The Menace" logically to max out my SAT scores and live my Best life
4189
4190they're both are.
4191
4192Thinking about getting very pissed off on the computer today .
4193
4194people will be so pissed off when every AI system independently & consistently determines that the absolute perfect tweet is "Dolezal Rules"
4195
4196#ConfessYourUnpopularOpinion coats are just big shirts
4197
4198https://t.co/UOWRo5znPk
4199
4200https://t.co/p6rx0lLrmV
4201
4202thinking abou t having a phase in my mid-50s where i wear a whislte every where i go and make everyone around me call me "Coach"
4203
4204shacking my head at peoples crap...
4205
4206https://t.co/F8dUtuD2xJ
4207
4208im sorry every one. the mayor ran out of key to the cities so they had to give me the key to all the girls bathrooms instead
4209
4210i perceive everyone on this website as a dip shit
4211
4212im bringing back Lunch... #TheComeBackOfLunch
4213
4214darknet 2002: pics of dead guys in bath tubs, warez
4215ongst the boys as to which of our acquaintances aren t funny
4216
4217i deeply apologize for giving like thirty of my followers panic attacks after posting "Whats for lunch " at 1am EST .
4218
4219i get emails. i get emails saying the trolls have won, and that i should bow to them, since i have lost the battle. to this i say FAT-CHANCE
4220
4221taking the great Hot Water Challenge in the sky
4222
4223pistol whipping my self to gain Endurance
4224
4225before you shit on me, lnow this. i have a black belt in shut the fuck up. and - let me finish - i have a college degree in shut the fuck up
4226
4227thje teen choice awards blows the kids choice awards out of the fucking water instantly, zero contest #culture #TheArts
4228
4229it saves me so much time , to get my knowledge and opinions of politics from the same guy who sells me eyedrops that make my dick bigger
4230
4231I Love say ing shit like, "At the Louvre, Even the BATHROOMS are nice"
4232
4233I CAN CONFIRM HERE AND NOW THAT THE USER GOING BY THE NAME OF " OPRAHS_DICK " HAS NO AFFILIATION WITH HARPO PRODUCTIONS— " BLOCK THAT SHIT "
4234
4235top ten how do you stop trolls jokes
4236Q:how do you stop a troll
4237A:Get his key board
4238
4239my favorite feature of this site is absolutely no consequences for my opinions sucking ffucking ass and me being 100% wrong about everything
4240
4241i do not 'Get' porky pig
4242
4243many people do not realize that after you enjoy a meal out at a restaurant you can pour the entire salt shaker inyo your mouth as a bonus
4244
4245(screams "Shut The Fuck Up" as loud i can, over and over into a phone for about 4 mins straight) Ah, Cant seem to get good help these days -
4246
4247it is just a nice "Something extra" , that's there if you want it. Dont know why the trolling brigade is shitting me off over this one .
4248
4249https://t.co/DIOsk2J7pd
4250
4251red onion, green onion, yellow uonion, folks this isnt a food, but a traffic light. Get that like button
4252
4253i love going to video games forums and posting shit like "Please tell me how to like Mario"
4254
4255every one must wear a free speech diaper to protest twitter deleting posts that say "Fuck the ecliopse" and "The eclipse is some fake shit"
4256
4257RT try a lubricant to give your guy a wicked handjob
4258
4259RT I am on my way...
4260
4261RT Set user name Wowa flaky
4262
4263RT Follow@diapershouse
4264
4265RT I Want to stop the messeg's
4266
4267closing my eyes and mentally visuelizing my enemies bodies, in 3d , to analyze them for weak points
4268
4269if real life was a tv show. the eclipse would be one of the episodes of it
4270
4271RT if real life was a tv show. the eclipse would be one of the episodes of it
4272
4273broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him
4274
4275RT I Did Not Say The N Word The Entire Time That I Was In Jail. I Was In Jail On False Charges That Came From David Tildon Lying To Police. ~PS
4276
4277becoming Inmortal and laughing . . .
4278
4279i truly believe that i will usher in a new era of peace and prosperity when i get every single post on hthis fucking website deleted by 2022
4280
4281my stystem can predict all lottery numbers with 100% accuracy. but not the powerball number. it is too powerful
4282
4283Good https://t.co/wA2eJxZSqs
4284
4285i hate it when my dick gets dredged in flour, egg and breadcrumbs, in that order
4286
4287MIss the days when i could post something like "Crisp Angel: Birdfreak" and get immedialtey a check for 1 Million dollars
4288
4289looking to "Max Out" my ball's
4290
4291@xxnx957
4292
4293RT Rt Si Aces Esto http://t.co/rFRNWF0QxU
4294
4295" pivot to Toilet "
4296
4297always needed a come back for this one ... https://t.co/kXupqRVC53
4298
4299Keep Colm and Look
4300at
4301my posts
4302
4303All of you sh it suck ass
4304
4305writing fan mail to the police, suggesting some new laws that i think would be good
4306
4307 above choosing sides here. i hope they either become friends & cancel the match, or beat each other completely to death simultaneously
4308
4309are you ok. is he hurting yiou (pulls out tiny flashlight ) open your mouth
4310
4311just admiring my "Pornfree" badge . https://t.co/Hbk986wXih
4312
4313when it comes to eating things at restaurants i love the shit that is "Fresco"
4314
4315girls legs 2017. legs getting shot by paintball guns. "Is legs normal." legs on the mind. annihilated by legs
4316
4317RT I can't believe people pay him money to tweet nonsense.
4318
4319my new jeans https://t.co/Pj95o0wPAg
4320
4321did i miss something good
4322
4323the trolls have gone too far this time .
4324
4325Get Your Head In The Game:
4326YouTube .com - "Get Your Head In The Game"
4327
4328https://t.co/LKH3Y3PoDG
4329
4330 a VETERAN`S SON , i will never move over and let an emergency vehicle pass me , no matter how loud it is
4331
4332wife's... you gotta get your man a blue tooth
4333
4334they should put slot machines in the mc donalds. i want to win baby
4335
4336just sold 1000 guns to "CONGO" in my most radical act of self care to date
4337
4338Explain your "Like". https://t.co/JE7EeqrCqK
4339
4340the troll wedges the curb between my ass as i lay on my side. "no!" i shout. "im a content producer!!" he stomps my ass cheek, finishing me/
4341
4342doing my favorite " Shit head " activity, kissing a cactus after being fooled nby a mirage
4343
4344when my friends on here create promo accounts for whatever side projects theyre doing but dont follow me on them..its fine. im relaxed of it
4345
4346https://t.co/42haHLJPiI
4347
4348I WANT " 1 2 3 "
43491. MY DICK SUCKED
43502. MY POSTS LIKED
43513. MY ASS KICKED
4352
4353I consider making my posts good a Moral Imperative . I owe it to my follower's to deliver them a product completely devoid of Nude imagery .
4354
4355my Piss is busted ...
4356
4357i hate all of "Groupthink" , except for the groupthought that group thinks that groupthink is bull shit
4358
4359studying videos on you tube that other people took of me flipping out and thinking of ways i could make my mouth louder some how
4360
4361im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
4362
4363i will never have, never have thought of, and never will think about, engaging in "Raw Dog" intercourse wih my wife
4364
4365only TRUTH can bring the the Message Troll , the common dumb ass ,to his knees, so that we may bring the blade down… https://t.co/tmDKuM0Gjc
4366
4367All girls have exactly $100,000
4368
4369#WENDYSHOAX
4370
4371im sorry but, when you people reply to my posts with things like "Fuck you" and "Fuck your Account" it makes me look like a real dumb ass
4372
4373its true. i selll my account to a less funny person every year just to rile people up
4374
4375https://t.co/amqTb8neF0
4376
4377RT tryin to figure out how to make some damn money on the internet
4378
4379RT I'M BACK YALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4380
4381RT I Post Only To Make PPL #Think, I am not #Fool enough to presume to change any minds... I can only make you think...
4382
4383id like uh...medium, w/ pepperoni, sausage and onion. just to piss off the trolls. id like a 2-liter of coke to piss off the trolls as well,
4384
4385the guys who make steaks should make all of them "grade A" steak,. ythese guys have been making this shit for 1000 years, no more excuses
4386
4387to me the most normal career path is to fail at show biz and resort to getting paid by defense contractors to make reddit psots or some shit
4388
4389im sorry spider man. please forgive me spider man
4390
43914.2 TB of VR compatible slo-mo footage featuring a man with no teeth shooting a bra using a dsr precision sniper rifle and pistol wipping it
4392
4393my doctor needs me to keep a log of how many times i wiped my ass but i dont have a pen & paper so i have to do it hgere. sorry
43949/13/17: 310
4395
43969/14/17: 45
4397
4398my most significant personal cultural advancement in the past 10 years is thhat i no longer think the restaurant "Chili's" is any good
4399
4400this site is fucked https://t.co/nCVgwZ8ABD
4401
4402got all these tabs open like "Girl poison husband rate" and "Poisoned husband body count" researching if i should want to have a wife or not
4403
4404there are only like 4 girls on this entire site, and theyve all blocked me for saying that snow white and the seven dwarfs are muslim
4405
4406Make normal car horns "LOUDER"
4407bulances and Police Cars "LESS LOUD"
4408
4409RT follox Xmen056
4410
4411RT u love me?fuck u baby and go shit
4412
4413RT fuck u
4414
4415RT wishing u was here with me... wishing u might read this and drop the bullshit so we could love eachother...
4416
4417installing a cyborg tube in my tuxedo which frequently sprays my ass with various advanced powders
4418
4419RT kim qardashyan https://t.co/WV3Ns5QRQd
4420
44219/15/17: 0 "DRY DAY"
4422
4423RT あぁMeat Boll　おいしそう
4424
4425all replys to this will get block-buttoned https://t.co/icEqgII1Ba
4426
4427learning how to say "1 2 3" and "hut hut hut" at army
4428
4429the man him self https://t.co/gghRVZlciT
4430
4431Yes
4432
4433the way i see it, it seems these days, it seems impossible to have a good Economy, in this economy, as i see it
4434
4435the wright brothers would be disapointed in people who would rather get on their cellphones and talk bathroom than discover the cure of aids
4436
4437i have decided to become an Oil magnate, after spending quite some time reading the dictionary definition of the word "magnate"
4438
4439"Yow... That aint right"
4440
4441the more the merryer bitch
4442
4443enjoying my Microsoft
4444
4445Petition To Ban Actomom 93 of 1,999,999 Signatures
4446
4447"be the james you want to see in the world " - James Bond
4448
4449i have successfully avoided getting a "Charlie Horse " through out my entire adult life .
4450
4451#ThursdayThoughts is and will forver be the shit version of #TheThursdayNiteRant
4452
4453- ass kicked in hooters parking lot
4454- thinks thunder storms are fake
4455- donated 200 Emeralds to the police
4456
4457since about 1000 people asked , the reason i stopped posting my ass wiping logs is becausr the trolls were using that data to terrorize me .
4458
4459because i dont know any one in there and they,re all dick heads
4460
4461RT the joker
4462fatboy slim şarkısı. kedili bi klibi vardır.
4463http://t.co/UBE8glJ +
4464
4465if u know what the word "consoles" means. son , you might be a Gamer
4466
4467irradiated diaper on 295 blocking up traffic - 500 car pile up - some one come get this thing
4468
4469the Police have stated that rubber neckers and looky loos trying to sneak a peek at the irradiated diaper on 295 will be blasted with poison
4470
4471us military displays extremely rare princeess diana beanie baby w/ certificate of authenticity in the most devastating show of force to date
4472
4473@AhmedinhoJr… https://t.co/Dzo5zpmMtn
4474
4475geting a bunch of reptile habitat sun lamps to beam some much needed vitamin d into my fucking obese skull while i do the rounds on sites
4476
4477this is an attack on not just me , but all boys
4478
4479yeauh, let me just follow the fucking "YouTube" account, on twitter. thats fucking normal
4480
4481im pleased to report, that once again , beer has been voted the Coldest drink
4482
4483mournful day fpr comedy fans, upon news that the wife character on "Kevin Can Wait" will be beheaded with a sword between seasons 1 and 2
4484
4485hear this trolls: ive been secretly respecting the flag in the privacy of my garage for 12 hrs a day , maxing out its power to insane levels
4486
4487i live for th e sensation of adrenaline pumping through my spine when another person on here publicly accuses me of being "Off Brand"
4488
4489all of my followers are lousy hob goblins and all of the people who dont follow me are dirty dog ghouls
4490
4491top ten things you do NOT want to hear in the Nursing profession:
449210. Shut the fuck up
44939. Fuck you idiot
44948. Your pay check is in the trash
4495
4496if you put one of those 280 character junkheaps on my feed ill flip a coin to decide if i should block you. i will let God choose your fate.
4497
4498ALERT: don pablos app has malware that photo shops your pics to make it look like youre crying & sends them to every girl on my contact list
4499
4500if i do not get my postcount up to 5 digits by the end of this year my peers will forever think im a shit head and my account will be erased
4501
4502fdreaming of that special moment when i can look into my wifes eyes and say "Thank you. Thank you for marrying me"
4503
4504sick and tired of people assuming im taking a shit whenever i go to the bathroom,; while im actually just running my diaper under the sink
4505
4506thinking of replacing both of the license plates on my car with a picture of a different car
4507
4508https://t.co/k7fpzWvtjN
4509
4510propsoing to twitter a groundbreaking event called "The Banquet of Forgiveness" , where every blocked person on every account gets unblocked
4511
4512just planted my big ass through a mans wind shield while trying to get my shirt out of a tree
4513
4514https://t.co/1ZAeX0g0Qq
4515
4516this mother fucking snake who wrote this apartment listing is trying to pad the list of amenities with shit like "dart board"
4517
4518folks if you think haunted house is scary this halloween i invite you to look at the damn economy and thj dow jones
4519
4520"calling out" magnetGirl77 for telling me that my dick looks like "a piece of fried calamari"
4521
4522seeing the words "Farm Fresco" on a billboard and having to pull the fuck over from becoming Overstimulated
4523
4524just wasted an entire afternoon at the court house trying to copyright th e phrase "Trump look like a uncle"
4525
4526i love "Going hollywood" by retweeting burger king and lock heed martin 1000 times
4527
4528just had a nightmare that my account was permanently suspended for referring to "the beach boys" as "the beach boy shit boys"
4529
4530im not saying i dont respect the flag. just saying id respect it more if it was a picture of something thats good to me. like someones lunch
4531
4532ive decided
4533A. every white colored food is vanilla flavored. especially popcorn. especially mayo
4534B. this opinion will be shown on The News
4535
4536Everoyone please. Stop sending in things like "Cum" when snack brands do the "guess the mystery flavor" contest. They will stop doing them
4537
4538i will drag you out of here kicking and screaming, but for the sake of protecting all girls from my horrendous posts
4539
4540Wife says i should shit in the yard until the toilets fixed. Itll be ok if i cover myself in a tarp. But i want to shit in the broken toilet
4541
4542Id like to sincerely apologize for being a beady eyed little fuck-freak. Im hell's shit. Im dog shit's ass. Brand me with a hot iron. Sorry
4543
4544i would appreciate it if my followesr called me "Sir" , like they would a Police Man, or any one else with the power to destroy their lives
4545
4546BREAKING: Millionaire rapist rehab facility lost to random gas explosion—Dozens of 2nd chances tragically denied—"Mist of splinters & flesh"
4547
4548my top advisors are drafting various contingency plans for when all my miscreant followers overdose to death on chilis southwestern eggrolls
4549
4550just put my elbow bthrough the monitor because i thought the cursor was a bug again. nevertheless this setback will not slow down my posting
4551
4552activating $40 of "Cash Back" Chase Freedom rewards while the Low Engagement Accounts who troll me on here just shit around on their dicks
4553
4554obliterating my illustrious career as "guy who assigns letter grades to southpark episodes" by begging girls to send me their dental records
4555
4556I shall perform no new downloads , until this wolrd and the people of it can post along side each other in Harmony, I shall download no more
4557
4558azon that make your loads bigger but the guys in the 1-star reviews say they give u diarrhea. dont know whats real anymore
4559
4560bewildered by this one star review of a pocket pussy from a verified buyer that is just the word "Stupid"
4561
4562in order to alleviate the stress of having to witness sub par content on my feed, several of my followers have suggested that i try "Heroin"
4563
4564https://t.co/UmkdZJWJ05
4565
4566thinking of abandoning dreams of becoming a Senator, so i can post about yelling "Fuck" in the bathroom because i accidentally became racist
4567
4568azon boxes—How to proceed? (Self,Legal)
4569TOP VOTED: put a live wire in his car & light his ass up. Cook his ass
4570
4571I`ll not be watching the halloween themed episodes of "Wheel of Fortune", as I dont find them scary even a little bit. Please and thank you.
4572
4573My followers are sick thugs, they are Debauched imps, and they love to be made to howl like dogs when i call them my little sewer bitch rats
4574
4575despite the most recent of shit my enemies are now saying, i will never be found, standing on my front lawn , using a "Hula hoop "
4576
4577obliterating my load with a blow torch
4578
4579delighting my friends and family by doing the chris rock routine about "The Big Piece of Chicken" but in a worse voice
4580
4581ideally...Sleepys Mattress Professionals will get on board with printing "DRIL TWEETS" on-product, and pull both our brands out of the Abyss
4582
4583you come on line and challenge me with a user name like "Lesbian Mr. Clean" , i will not respect you, regardless of your skill lefvel
4584
4585my favorite combo, you ask? i'll not say to you.
4586
4587cruising the streets of night time in my Hyundai Sonata... looking for drunk drivers to ram into
4588
4589id love to do some posts on here
4590
4591https://t.co/NvhxJDEuVK
4592
4593if you add me to the dumb ass group chats full of guys i dont know you better believe im leaking that shit to the cops. i do not give a fuck
4594
4595(speaking into phone) get me on the computer
4596
4597thinking about running out of toilet paper and having to wipe my ass with like, dental floss, or a mouth wash bottle, and getting very upset
4598
4599muting people who like to talk aobut "The news" instead of posting vignettes about being forced to pour mouthwash down their ass crack
4600
4601consider this: the time and energy it took for you to tell me to "Shut the fuck up" could have instead been used to breast feed 10 orphans .
4602
4603RT Smoking right now
4604
4605RT go to website thoughtfulgamer.com!!!!!!
4606
4607RT This account is going to be dedicated to helping gamers with their games or consoles, watever you need.
4608
4609RT test http://t.co/gf8KepJsHN
4610
4611i spend a lot of time thinking about how good it would be if someone finally developed a sports app ,"For the fans"
4612
4613twitter hiring sherlock holmes to prowl the office wih a magnifying glass and find the employee who posted "Aids piss" on the pizza hut acct
4614
4615RT afread of scary movies just call me and i'll watch it with u girls dont worry at all just call me and i'll watch it with U and u wont be
4616
4617jacking off more often (due to Stress) and also jacking off less often (due to Stress)
4618
4619RT Unprofessional and disrespectful employees. I'm not playing "too slow" with my bag of food like a child. Store#3466
4620
4621the trolls hav been hiding "Easter Eggs" in my favorite DVD menus, to encourage exploration & experimentation at the cost of my leisure time
4622
4623posts: "the best stuff is in here"
4624
4625tthe best posts are the ones that are like, "Never tell some one with pectus excavatum to shut the fuck up"
4626
4627i love getting my gun opinions from cartoon characters and capping government drones from 900 miles away before they blow my shitty house up
4628
4629RT horny
4630
4631RT nothing
4632
4633RT https://t.co/z2HLWz94Ch
4634
4635please do not embarrass me in front of "inside hoops". you dip shits. you fucking animals
4636
4637you will take your place upon the cross, you will bear every last "Tag" and suffer as i do
4638
4639reminder to all mh followers that if something i post catches your eye you can "Like " or share it to your friends w/ that re-tweet button
4640
4641things the trolls won't allow me to have:
4642- the blue check Mark
4643- the 260 characters
4644- a nice plaque that says "twitter power user"
4645
4646this web site sucks my fucking dick. it sucks balls
4647(they add the 280 characters)
4648you blew it. this website sucks shit now
4649
4650My dick is wearing a neck brace
4651
4652my followers know i Abhor racism, but i especially dont agree with the thing from old cartoons where black people have dice for teeth
4653
4654some one has got to stop this guy https://t.co/Ygawg3tdNU
4655
4656i will never name my son "Rufus" . that, to me, is a dogs name
4657
4658it is my displeasure to report that the TWITTER-MASTERCARD group has frozen my credit card for posting "The monster mash sucks"
4659
4660my followers behave extremely errratically, like a bunch of sick animals, whenever i go "Out of character" to post aobut Mens Wearhouse
4661
4662the most disgusting accounts on here are making claims like, "Fred Flintstone is a pimp" , with zero evidence
4663
4664women aare setting unrealistic body standards by expecting me to wear a tuxedo 24/7 and to not flip out at waiters
4665
4666dming all the accounts on here who pretend to be horny versions of smallville characters, demanding to know their long-term business plan
4667
4668i hate i t when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protest
4669
4670thre most classic shit is when somebody on tv or in real life says "What about lunch"
4671
4672keurig is building a Mausque inside of a Dave and Busters, and Heres why it matters:
4673
4674RT looking at ass
4675
4676getting pisse d off imagining my trolls and dissenters crawling around my house in little butler outfits and expecting tips
4677
4678RT You are just another moron that has no clue about weapons or how to use them
4679
4680RT Whos the coolest Bart Simpson whos smarter than all of Bart Simpson, who the funniest family Bart Simpson! And so on ...
4681
4682RT thank you so much for the hook up.very pleased now with my Springfield great service.
4683
4684due to timezone discrepancies i request a motion that all pictures of food in group dm be referred to as "Lunch pics", even if theyre dinner
4685
4686can anyone link me some good User Agreements to click yes on,
4687
4688hope to make this somehwat of a tradition: the "Show Us Your Turkey" event. i'd like to see your beautiful birds, on this thanksgiving day
4689
4690ill speak no more of the "Show Us Your Turkey" thanksgiving event. as many have taken that as an invitation to send me their penis and balls
4691
4692a reasonable compromise, would be to let the ISPs track our Gaming & reward more net neutraility to guys who get the most headshots & combos
4693
4694im afraid i must say that i do not find the mysteries featured on "scooby-doo" challenging enough .
4695
4696nice mug.. the words should be on the side thoguh https://t.co/87AJiAsidW
4697
4698i hereby disavow EpicWayne, who now says that my "ears are fucked-up shaped" , and that i "let dildos roll around in the footwell of my car"
4699
4700" nothing is stronger than power. " - qdoba_NoScope
4701
4702going ape shit at the gym. rotating in full 360 degrees with the boys, flawlessly synchronized
4703
4704My friends love disapppointing me with whips
4705
4706getting my pud Encrypted , like peter thiel
4707
4708RT I'm going to update some disney jokes tonight. Don't miss it.
4709
4710just deleted some posts that may have been considered hostile towards people who like to show their dick in public. i was wrong on this one.
4711
4712i reserve the right to have reddit "Shut Down" if the questions become too rambunctious
4713
4714ah man. how embarrassing. i chose the user name "CondomMaster" a long time ago, back when condoms were cool. dont look at it
4715
4716at the advisement of my Probation officer .i will now be taking questions on the despised reddit .com with https://t.co/Dxdk9W1l1b
4717
4718#WorldwideHandsomeDay looking dumb as a dog in my piss-yellow tuxedo whilst i spend hundres of dollars on international phone calls
4719
4720getting pissed off at the idea of someone going on to wiki pedia and changing the name of the japanese suicide forest to "Warios Woods"
4721
4722RT Wife: I Love U I Cn't Live Without U! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi..! Pagal Ho Jaungi..! Zehar Pee Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi!...
4723
4724RT A potato was interrogated by police...
4725.
4726.
4727After three hours of torture he broke down and said :
4728Mai batata hoon... Mai batata hoon!
4729...
4730
4731RT SMS TO WIFE : " Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks...
4732
4733RT Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
4734Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
4735Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times.....
4736
4737RT After 15yrs of marriage a wife asked
4738her husband to describe her.
4739He looked at her slowly and said:
4740ABCDEFGHIJK.
4741"What does that mean...
4742
4743RT Husband is the poor guy who's always under the impression that he is bossing the house, when all that he's doing is just housing the boss.
4744
4745RT Rightly said by a married man....I was a dude before marriage...............now I am subdued !
4746
4747my promise to my followers... is that i wil;l never become the "freak of the week"
4748
4749VERIFY!! VERIFIY THIS ACCOUNT! THE TROLLS ARE BREAKING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS!! I NEED THE CHECK MARK !! NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!
4750
4751just set up My Quicken Loans accounts for a whole small ecuadorian village, entirely on chrystal meth. keep doing your little posts though .
4752
4753Can i citizens arrest girls
4754
4755just had the check Mark for 6 mins, but lost it by posting a picture of the back of some guys head with the caption… https://t.co/J3xtg2bb2v
4756
4757im sorry the trolls bugged my office and everyone had to hear me say "heres your sign" over and over again in a shitty bill engvall voice.
4758
4759friendly reminder that if you do not heed enough of the friendly reminders on your timeline, you may sever 1 finger as penance
4760
4761funds removed from 1000s of accounts, markets crash, after deranged poster says that charles schwab & company "touches there self at night"
4762
4763Give this the retweet if you agree that ALL beanie babies deserve to be worth $100 , and also that Water boarding is not tortore
4764
4765https://t.co/RmbcAVvZXe
4766
4767RT I always have a knife on me, only the best of course. Some ask why, well its the ultimate tool. #knives #genius #followme knifegenius.com
4768
4769some fool's just need to be knocked the crap out of
4770
4771the mall santas all shit into a salad bowl hidden beneath their throne and the elves have to go wash it out in the fountain every hour or so
4772
4773people ask me on here, what is the reason for the season. The reason for the season. is of course, " SANTA "
4774
4775https://t.co/wM7kGPJVEv
4776
4777Stand My Ground Mother Fucker
4778
4779' george bush master of porno '
4780
4781https://t.co/qL9CwqiHqO
4782
4783RT Get extra security for your computer. Tech Fortress catches spyware and protects your PC. https://t.co/9XFHNOUG4J https://t.co/P1hqAZyf10
4784
4785cave man: ou ou ou,. keep net neautral so me can download Porno
4786Monopoly guy: why not jack off to a Turner Classic Movie instead
4787
4788running some scams out of my scam tent
4789
4790https://t.co/aJk2WttFjm
4791
4792RT What Donald J Trump is a ghost well we the nation has a great idea for our c… https://t.co/9K2OoC7oJ9
4793
4794RT I think sewer rat will go down to there’s always a place in hell for a rat
4795
4796the more i think about it , the more it seems to me that apes look like fucked up versions of humans
4797
4798getting a 4k monitor so i can make posts
4799
4800sometimes i wonder if i could slice EpicWayne in half with one swing of the blade. but its probably really hard to
4801
4802Maximum Security Gamestop
4803
4804My User Experience Conditions - 12/17/17 :
4805- Will click only 3 links today
4806- Muting the word "Bluray"
4807- Unmuting the word "Wendys"
4808
4809Wow , imagine an office where the employees are not just allowed to have fun... its ENCOURAGED
4810
4811i would love to lift all of my pathetic, frail followers by the ankles and huck them like tomahawks
4812
4813pregcore
4814
4815as wander my study, Quill Pen in one hand, Whisky in the other, i muse, one might perhaps take me for a Famous Author, from the days of old,
4816
4817" And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as th… https://t.co/pUO72SJxV4
4818
4819people who try to read my posts out loud in public get their ass beat. they get jumped and put out to pasture
4820
4821worst part of being my masseuse is having to suffer a 5 minute monologue before hand about how i think your job is actually extremely normal
4822
4823Whats great is I can get online & read 100 peoples opinions about Kevlar Vests, and at least 2 of them are guaranteed to be probably correct
4824
4825Geting my ass kicked by italian guys in the tiny bathroom at the back of the bus
4826
4827https://t.co/pAdGygUG0e
4828
4829just fired 300 Journalists . And it feels so good
4830
4831fucked up my hand while trying to pry open a jar of cherries with a Shuriken
4832
4833you know what they say..if you fail constantly, if everyone thinks you suck ass, and you do other bad things. "You will get $1,000,000 soon"
4834
4835I lpove making my credit rating lower by having my wife painted on the side of my car
4836
4837abusing my vile neighbors by putting leaflets around which state that i am now to be referred to as "Daddy's Golden Goose"
4838
4839my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat
4840
4841https://t.co/WqH3GaBeAU
4842
4843being a dumb ass on here is fucking Stupid
4844
4845letting millionaires shit all over my house and piss on my pets for $0
4846
4847barbaro alive horse 2017 . fake death
4848
4849me: May the coffee be with you. Beer is the red 100 to me
4850intelligent Bill Gates: You are a Fraud. Confess
4851
4852RT I so heppy .but my start to tewtter id...ulalalalalalala
4853
4854RT Just starting my web jobs
4855
4856RT 25 Year Old Infosys Techie Murdered At Office, Guard Arrested #Infosys #softwareEngineer #Murdered
4857
4858RT I find myself staring at people sometimes #thinking.."#Wow and you tied your shoes this morning?"
4859
4860the ultimate https://t.co/IYQbuHzkYM
4861
4862friendly reminder to all of my followers not to commit any Crimes in 2018. crimes are 2017 shit "Miss Me With That"
4863
4864https://t.co/WaJgm6Ijd4
4865
4866let us be very clear on one thing, with all of these posts going around. tickle me elmo, does not "Fuck" . Youre out of your mind
4867
4868This has been being said by people.
4869
4870Used to be you could get on stage & say stuff like "Tickle me elmo fucks" and people wiould shower you with praise. Standards are now higher
4871
4872Its not even a popular toy anymore
4873
4874Thread
4875
4876RT watching Olympics
4877
4878RT who is want to have good man as a husband.
4879
4880RT U ARE MY CHRISTIAN WIFE BECKY! GOT THAT?
4881
4882cameras are off now. everyones diapers are frozen to each other and 1000 us marines are now separating them all with swords. horrible scene
4883
4884(folloiwng the waiter to his car) Sir. Sir. Can you confirm or deny that the Southwestern Chipotle Chicken Paninis here are "Chef Inspired"
4885
4886if youre going to ride my a$$... at least Fuck my car
4887
4888RT Adding the finishing touches onto a new 'social commentary' site. It's a #fuckedreality and I plan to speak on it
4889
4890RT Hard at work rebuilding my porno network, but liking the results thus far #MrPorno
4891
4892the epic shit of 2017; is the boys getting TheSegaPimp fired from his job at The Red Cross for not wishing me a "Happy Halloween"
4893
4894the only font i like now https://t.co/CKx0meQUIj
4895
4896#ImNotAntisocialImJust an imbecile that smells like guinea pig cage
4897
4898jh https://t.co/9fq81nm2pB
4899
4900here https://t.co/QqdTj95s0Q
4901
4902journalism is the hardest job on earth...I have to look at so many sites, and everyones trying to trick me into posting pics of my whole ass
4903
4904gravitational waves huh., is that like the super moon
4905
4906due to my latest getting pissed off, i shall hence forth refer to Turner Classic Movies as "toilet classic movies"
4907
4908 Here for it
4909
4910getting shot directly in the ass execution style while crawling through a duct
4911
4912RT Like to know how to "create your own economy?"
4913www.NewIncomeSolutions.com
4914
4915https://t.co/2NNreemodd
4916
4917#LawEnforcementAppreciationDay i appreciate my god given right to enforce the law all over this web page
4918
4919you need to get off my case first off because yourre on here po… https://t.co/2eAOckpdnz
4920
4921RT sex ass
4922
4923overseeing my pages, patiently watching all the guys i follow do their 'Bits' and mentallly assigning them to various demeaning castes
4924
4925im at Ces baby. they got an app that makes your phone do gun noises and fat wet asses, flying around goerge jetson style
4926
4927ive decided that it is Anti-Jobs, to demonetize the youtube guy who went to Mecca and flung angrybird plushies at the cube or whatever
4928
4929this page is now protected from dick heads and shit heads https://t.co/KKQ6dz0ceB
4930
4931The ultimate weopon https://t.co/zKh0Nd0c6I
4932
4933extracting rare metals from my jeans
4934
4935Thinking about saying "Fuck" on SNL. What my brand needs most right now is for me to say "Fuck" on SNL. How do i get to go do that
4936
4937RT Monounsaturated fats are much healthier than saturated and trans-fats. #NUTFreaks
4938
4939optimizing my hyper links, for the fiscal year,
4940
4941i could not help but notice that everyone you see online is either really a dumb ass, or genius, or average intelligence
4942
4943I refuse to provide counsel to one who sees fit to carry the user name "Gay Horny" .
4944
4945I own the best law firm in the tri-state area, my wife earns $200,000 a year making ginger bread houses, and we will never hire a US Veteran
4946
4947cajun seasoning and old bay seasoning might seem quite similar, but closer examination will reveal that one of them is far more Racist
4948
49492017: writing shitty articles called like "Disruption: The Praxis of Chaos"
49502018: saying astronauts put tubes up th… https://t.co/W4bLIlhWLG
4951
4952RT Hii please i need to JOIN the antichrist please to be provid the music.
4953I need help from the antichrist please jioned 666 iluminati
4954
4955RT Please i need help PLEASEEEEEE re-enable my account PLEASEEEE i can't do trading I'm loosing a lot… https://t.co/Eokxn3MTov
4956
4957RT Girls: why did you do that? Guys: it's a guy thing.
4958
4959RT Picking up girls. That's just us guys
4960
4961RT Boobs that's are favorite pillow!
4962
4963RT We gotta have a sports life.
4964
4965#Trumps1stYearAtHogwarts https://t.co/aGMZcVLWOH
4966
4967people whose retweets equal endorsements belong in a fucking cage
4968
4969falling down a stair case completely unscathed after executing a perfect series of Block techniques
4970
4971daffy and donald duck: "SAME SHIT , DIFFERENT ASS HOLE"
4972
4973eating shit sucks ass. and sucking ass sucks shit
4974
4975RT Follow@girls_master
4976
4977RT auto service
4978http://vkontakte.ru/club16136941
4979
4980me and my friend bill gates live in fort knox now and if theres one thing i enjoy laughing all the way to its the bank
4981
4982Just saw it on CNN: Thyere coming out with a new batman #NewBatman
4983
4984thinking of wrapping my entire body in barbed wire and becoming Sovereign
4985
4986the floor of the new york stock exchange breathlessly awaiting MetalGearEric's review of the BK Rodeo Whopper before erupting in chaos
4987
4988https://t.co/Lrn98J0EVR i helped make this so its good. check it out. like and subscrihe
4989
4990saying it again: my nick name is "Mr Shut the Fuck Up" because i tell people to shut the fuck up not because i love shutting the fuck up
4991
4992looking for medicines that will make the fish in my koi pond shit less often
4993
4994love when i lose aobut 100 followers immediately after making a beautiful post. the weak shriveling up into dust. Thats called darwin
4995
4996RT I get on twitter nd C all the drama nd ppl sayin shit 2 get on ppls nerves I realize that sayin #ShutTheFuckUp is necessary. leave em alone
4997
4998RT That moment when I'm completely happy with my relationship and some try's to tell me it's not right for me #ShutTheFuckUp I'm happy thanks
4999
5000RT hey ruby was just watching you on chatterbate its subaruman47 seems i got blocked again xx
5001
5002explaining to the boys at the auto shop what the "you know i did it to him" man is iwth the inflection one might use to discipline a child
5003
5004i pay a man $3000.00 a month to stream line my feed so i can get more jokes per second about putin saying "hold my beer" or what have you
5005
5006Many consider Reddit,com to be the "Front Page" of the internet, and yet, in the year 2018, I am called a Bastard for saying this.
5007
5008buiying up all the graphics cards and making them cost over $1000 so i can computer generate my own new episodes of "Arli$$"
5009
5010"The people who say i should get a life are the real ones who should get a life" - Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum , Crown Prince of Dubai
5011
5012if you have less than 1000 followers i can guarantee you that me and the boys share your posts in vip chat rooms and call you a "Muthafucka"
5013
5014"cmon!! post it!"
5015Oh no, i couldnt possibly. Its too fucked up. Too raw
5016"cmon!! ya gotta post it!"
5017Very well: NHL Players should wear hijabs
5018
5019Your names not actually "chinese rock"
5020
5021getting my naval cavity laser removed because i just remembered an article i read in 1997 about how people in Spain were doing it
5022
50231/29/18: i do not want to think about or look at the word "Tater Tots"
5024
5025putting all my monitors ad computer stuff on top of the stove i never use so that i have more space to carry out my life style
5026
5027RT https://t.co/7yXjzAnqTm
5028
5029RT I really tried not laughing .. Bwhahahahaha .. Fuck!! I'm trying .. Bwhahahahaha .. Hehehe
5030
5031RT hello .. plz how to VERIFIED your account.
5032
5033just thoguht of a tiny man standing inside of a toilet. waving a turd in with batons like the airport guys. shopping the idea to buzz feed
5034
5035in light of the slender man case id like to remind my followers that teens have also attempted murder in the name of digimon otis
5036
5037been thinking about it a lot, and i do not believe that anyone will ever come up with a brand name better than "Taster's Choice"
5038
5039interstate shut down due to reports of 600 pound man chasing a windswept bra
5040
5041due to budget constraints the ground hog this year has been replaced by a caged man in a loincloth who also fears shadows
5042
5043#GroundhogDay is the one day a year where the nation can put asaide the partisan politics and sacrifice a large rodent to God
5044
5045Time and time Again. People on here Fuck me over and ruin my life. simply for starting the Dialouge
5046
5047RT I am a solution guru and i just solving problems
5048
5049thinking about getting the dow jones back on track, simply by making a few phonecalls. but certain people have been a bitch to me, so i wont
5050
5051thinking going to the Kingdom of Heaven for fucking one trillion years is a fairly nice deal
5052
5053waiting the customary 20 minutes after someone in the group dm says one of their pets died before posting a picture of sponge bob Nutting
5054
5055RT My Favorite saying "Wrap you Thighs around my Eyes and Smother me In Sweet Tenderness !! please." To all my Wonderful Girls here on Tweets
5056
5057RT I hate beavis and botthead
5058
5059io love helping the economy by fucking up while doing downloads and getting 100 coin miners installed on my pc
5060
5061shut thef fuck up you dip shits
5062
5063$̶$̶$̶$̶$̶ https://t.co/y8QKUHT7xA
5064
5065IF IT PLEASES THE COURT, ID LIKE TO POST SOME EXTREMLY RELATABLE SHIT:
5066
5067"CODGER LOOSES HIS LUNCH WHILE HAVING A WANK"
5068
5069mlg streamer "BeastModeCosby" loses geforce sponsorship after allegedly using a performance enhancing bed pan
5070
5071oh for fuck sake .
5072
5073i have proof that the women on here are forming quotetweet gangs to "freak out" and intimidate uncircumcised guys
5074
5075hate it when my boss knocks out the front leg of my desk with a baseball bat and funko pop lego shit flies every where
5076
5077Just got chemical castrated in exchangge for a free oil change at pep boys #Dealmaker #Boss
5078
5079RT THIS FRIDAY NAKED ASS & TITIES ALL IN ONE BUILDING!!!
5080
5081RT So how did I end up divorced? Damn good question
5082
5083RT made a youtube background
5084
5085RT Life can be hard at most times
5086
5087RT I want to #scream&shout : Ohh.. YEAH!
5088
5089RT 80% man are marrid rest 20%have brain.so dont marry
5090
5091whoever the fuck "iamath" from glasgow is
50921) please dont use my email to make snap chat accounts
50932) your dick looks like absolute shit
5094
5095listening to the song "Shortnin Bread" on repeat 7 hours a day and forming some very complicated opinions upon Race
5096
5097for some reason. people get upset when i say the markets are down because of Bill Watterson's beloved print media staple "Calvin and Hobbes"
5098
5099it is decided from this moment forward, i will not be clicking on any "SCAM LINKS"
5100
5101https://t.co/K7CeWFcGiQ
5102
5103RT I'll find it intriguing how social media will impact the business world and the globalized market when technology advances.
5104
5105RT Inside every husband is a nation
5106
5107seems like more and more, every young professional should have at all times, a bag to keep papers in
5108
5109???: The hole at the bottom of the toilet is the toilets ass hole
5110replyguy34: Thats fine
5111replyguy29: Babababababa
5112replyguy93: This, actually
5113
5114RT The smalles't handcuffs: "wedding rings" Via @superjokes
5115
5116RT Teacher: Why are you talking when I am?sp Me: I was talking between you sentences. Not when you was talking. Bitch
5117
5118RT ONE MATCH LOST, AND THIS IS HOW INDIA REACTS, SURPRISINGLY TRUE
5119Indian Cricket Deserve Respect !!!
5120
5121RT I dont want to have username
5122
5123RT only gays should follow me
5124
5125RT just playing around on the net.
5126
5127RT there is a guy with a ponytail yelling shit at your Overland Park location. Scaring the hell out of people. Please advise.
5128
5129I NEED IT! TO BASK WITH IN THE GLOW OF THE BLUE CHECK MARK! THE CELEBS NEED ME! AND I NEED THEM! MORE THAN ANY THING! MORE THAN ANYTHING!
5130
5131"mr. bucket" now theres a guy who clearly does not have his shit together
5132
5133time to look at the "Moments Tab". i lay down in the bath tub and a guy smears shit all over my chest with his ass while using a taser on me
5134
5135i can confirm that favs are "crypto"
5136
5137"Games rules." - the unknown gamer; c. 1998
5138
5139Thats what they do. They rile you up with nonsense posts just so they can call the cops on you and get you arrested. Its called "Intrapment"
5140
5141thinking that going to Harvard to increase your IQ is something people do once every few months like getting your hair cut
5142
5143hard at work in the Study, pen in hand, orchestrating my next public melt down
5144
5145https://t.co/xvnxJ0wk7H
5146
5147RT It's been some time Sense I tweeted.
5148
5149#TrumpColluded with my freaking nut sack . print this you cowards
5150
5151people who like getting whacked in the balls; that shit sucks. youre outta your mind
5152
5153RT Whats a "dental Dam""
5154
5155https://t.co/UqgQAvYbz4
5156
5157clowns should spend less time making balloon animals and more time making Prayer's
5158
5159call me old fashioned, but I donr think waiters should spit in the customers food. Keep it to the toilet or kiss that tip GOOD-BYE
5160
5161seems to me, life is aoubt "STICKS"
5162Age: 1-20 : Selfie Stick
5163Age 21-90: Walking stick
5164
5165RT THIS IS ONE OF CARDS FROM MY GAME “THE DEVIL’S LEVEL” YOU MUST BUY IT TODAY. WILL NOT BE FOR SALE AFTER KICK… https://t.co/VeWtunYVBU
5166
5167as far as im concerned. "fidget spinners" is DEAD IN THE WATER
5168
5169blue mark accts continue to be given "Carte Blanche" to take big filthy shits all over my career & my beliefs while… https://t.co/yjUximEc2Q
5170
5171I politely requested the post to be taken down. It is still up ass of 2/24/18. It is only fair that the check mark be transferred to my page
5172
5173completing my "Dip Shit" look by donning a humongous bib with a picture of a sailboat on it
5174
5175fucking awful https://t.co/bf8pGoLoOg
5176
5177RT Painted my Car same color as Marijuana.
5178
5179fuck the "left shark "
5180
5181up until i was about 28, i thought "the 9 to 5 " was a euphemism for blasting cum
5182
5183The Vagina Monologues, But For Gamers
5184
5185thinking of that 9/11 thread on the pokemon board i used to post on where the Admin said "Welcome to World War 3" &… https://t.co/xybkchkC1y
5186
5187thinking of being appointed the official "Bitch" of the NFL
5188
5189RT Can't the FBI STOP the IMMORAL STIGMATIZING of ADULTS BORN w. small genitals placed in registries FAR TOO LONG, FAR FAR TOO LONG!
5190
5191RT I'm into sustainable spirituality. I could be your "sounding board", a counselor. David in Eau Claire
5192
5193microwaving my ass hole in the microwave https://t.co/U8OLOn2xIl
5194
5195going down to the bank to yell at all the workers there and tell them to keep their greasy mitts off of my stash
5196
5197restuarants need to start hanging up pictures of their bathrooms outside so i know what im getting before i walk in the damn place
5198
5199bringing the mame cabinent into my spider hole
5200
5201to clarify, i still think that "Porky Pig" should get the electric chair, but not enough to kill him, just enough to Scare him a little bit
5202
5203https://t.co/648pCc2NKI
5204
5205this is the new logo. if you want to contact me you have to put the new logo in the email and send it to me. please… https://t.co/qFbp6EkXSm
5206
5207
5208
5209
5210
5211
5212
5213
5214https://t.co/2imJdk7M1o
5215
5216
5217in the year 2030 , "You will be able to order food on the cell phone"
5218
5219#nationalOreoday i will henceforth either "Fuck" or "Spit on" all the "national whatever day" hashtags that the NSA pays twitter to promote
5220
5221#NationalOreoDay i spit on oreo
5222
5223crawling around on the kitchen floor like a fucking dick head and filming my own "Beggin Strips" commercials
5224
5225posting detailed plans aobut how im going to start trying out different shampoos on a gaming forum at age 52
5226
5227#NationalCerealDay i fuck all cereal
5228
5229RT hello goddess alexa If ok with you may I please ask you for a follow back please??
5230
5231RT may I have, a follow back please
5232
5233RT hello may I have a follow back please
5234
5235https://t.co/ae39DpQrNX
5236
5237Wine and stimpy
5238
5239trying to get the girls chat recognized as a hate gruop
5240
5241doing head stands to let the cum from my balls flow directly to my brain and make me more intelligent
5242
5243Bot.
5244
5245my boss called me a "Pussy" for not wiping my ass
5246
5247i would never say something like "Fuck the games world and all its wonderful and mysterious locales. Fuck mario" . i just would not say that
5248
5249https://t.co/xw5ppF6ato
5250
5251RT How do i join twitter
5252
5253RT How do I get on T witter.
5254
5255RT How do I join Twitter my name is Armand.
5256
5257RT How do i join twitter.
5258
5259RT How do i follow others or get info on subjects
5260
5261RT Happy Nude Weekend to All
5262
5263 going to try to have diarrhea today. Because I am not "DEFINED" by my ass
5264
5265go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse
5266
5267RT trying
5268
5269there were 100 browser games in the 2000s where the goal was to become a Pimp by sending links to people, but thats jsut real life now
5270
5271 every Husband
5272
5273i despise the toilet. id love nothing more than to kick it through the wall and shatter it into 100 shards of wet porcelain. But i need it
5274
5275i piss on your little emails
5276
5277This Shit Sucks Dog Shit https://t.co/QL7az6QZ27
5278
5279https://t.co/HmCQtNF6OQ
5280
5281every day this happens: my followers inject me with a mix of chemicals , And they kill me as they would a sick dog. Every day they do this
5282
5283Thread. The dog who died in a united airlines overhead bin was a deep state Chaos Agent. Thread, Thread
5284
5285https://t.co/uMcRAZPgl3
5286
5287he changed his mind
5288
5289Kicking the shit out of the back board on my computer desk because" Dabbing" is bull shit
5290
5291just read a fascinating article, about how people who try to "Fuck" have the same chemical imbalances in their brain, that the cave men had
5292
5293Trying to get clicked on
5294
5295piss me off forever, kiss the dog shit out of my ass mouther fucker #ShutYourYap
5296
5297seeing people performing perfect slam dunks on the basketball court is worthless to me. It;s nothing
5298
5299https://t.co/9vlMFms7DG my failing brand https://t.co/KHEIYhoDh5
5300
5301whenever i see one of those roast pigs with apple in its mouth i think "Now theres a real son of a bitch who made the wrong choices in life"
5302
5303Getting fucking pissed off at the idea of some child from the early 1900s trying to spit shine my shoes
5304
5305
5306thank you for getting me mny coffee
5307
5308i just think this is the sort of thing that would be nice to have https://t.co/h8JCrR6JJc
5309
5310tellling my miserable wife and sons all about the Importance of Media
5311
5312if you have trouble discerning the "Family Room" from the "Living Room" your house should be taken away from you
5313
5314Thinking About Saying The Rent Is Too Damn Hi
5315
5316thats right bitch. i single handedly rescued the constitution of the united states...AND I DID IT WITH OUT USING POLITICS !!
5317
5318thinking about shit that i Recognize and smiling
5319
53208 Words We Must Never Say In Front Of Father (Number 6 Will Make You Shit)
5321
5322If youre a milennial who doesnt know what a Farm is "You are part of the aids"
5323
5324RT アメリカ米国への市場開放、消費税増税、年金給付の年齢引き上げ、福祉削減、給付額の引き下げ、事故の検証もないままの原発の再稼働、書類書き換え、廃棄など開き直って強行する姿勢。加計学園 森友 不正 安倍首相 菅義偉 河野太郎 小野寺… https://t.co/wJGiNZ6GCK
5325
5326RT Face news ?????????
5327
5328face news
5329
5330RT I love diva David on ncis to the point were I named my jeep diva David
5331
5332RT Good afternoon ziva David. I am a big fan of you I even named my Jeep ziva David
5333
5334RT That's awesome I would love to see you ziva David. Like I said I named my Jeep after u
5335
5336just a few of my Media Accolades... Still think im "Bs"??? https://t.co/HeArwPUiRa
5337
5338living vicariously through gamer streamers who are more powerful than me
5339
5340Hm lets see. Do I "Shut the fuck uop", or continue exposing the truths of life to the chagrin of the 99% of people on earth who are villains
5341
5342the vatican should not be allowed to name any new saints until God sorts out my numerous issues with the citibank web portal
5343
5344your;e damn right im calm. you bet your ass im acting like a normal person
5345
5346executing some advanced high-risk transactions on the Markets. trading my ass medicine for dick medicine
5347
5348imagining the guys on Shark Tank laying into the guy who invented the fucking porky pig character "What were you thinking !!"
5349
5350the absolute perfect shit is scoring a legendary forum handle like "Farkimedes" and making 30,000 posts asking the mods to move threads
5351
5352i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch
5353
5354
5355
5356???? https://t.co/uFiG2NJuXm
5357
5358i just need to say, to anyone reading this.. You are Important, You are loved, and You belong in this world, if you have over 5000 followers
5359
5360penning a heartwarming screen play about a horse who wins nascar
5361
5362flipping your car on purpose is even more of an olympic game, than the actual olympic games
5363
5364ufo themed wedding thwarted by sjw `s
5365
5366please continue it outside of my mentions you Ghouls
5367
5368RT Going to lunch.
5369
5370(getting really into the dunk tank carnival game) Ill show you some pain mother fucker. Ill show you some pain mother fucker
5371
5372elmer fudd with yakuza tattoos. legion of fudd
5373
5374update from the good time line—Bacion is legal to eat at work thanks to President Banksy in the whitehouse, now known as the star wars house
5375
5376i try to have fun on here, i try to post something nice, and all of you freaks brutally piss all over me. Im done
5377
5378Guess what. Some people have opinions different that you, so shut the fuck up
5379
5380I will leave the post up to piss off the people who are mad at it. I will remove the post later to piss off the rest of you
5381
5382RT CyberDeals coming soon...
5383
5384https://t.co/FfcT4HycTh
5385
5386trying really hard not to be Tryhard
5387
5388people are giving and receiving Respect at incredible speeds ... and it is all thanks to the humble computer chip
5389
5390youll never catch me sitting on the toilet, taking a huge shit ... it aint my style
5391
5392it pains me to announce that as of april 5th, 2018, The Economist has severed ties with "Da Ass Fucka"
5393
5394patreon up by $4000/month since i got removed from out back steakhouse for calling all the waiters homos and became a Freedom of Speech guru
5395
5396for the 9th time today a complete stranger has approached me on the street and told me to go suck some ass. "And still the brand endures"
5397
5398RT the life is fucking bitch !!!
5399
5400regardless of if he's real or not . can we please just talk about how much bigfoot sucks ass. what has he done with his life
5401
5402#FineMenThatEatAss #FineMenThatEatPussy #FineMenThatDontCheat https://t.co/4xUCPHosEv
5403
5404trying to celebrate all these days at once like a sitcom dipshit who accidentally booked 10 fancy dinners at the sa… https://t.co/fB1TFQ8TTt
5405
5406i love coming on here every day to interact with a growing network of "CON MEN" and "IMBECILES"
5407
5408`` i will show you the Ass of God ``
5409
5410i will not do it.
5411
5412RT my dog
5413
5414RT I AM KISSING THIS GOODBYE. YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING. DO NOT POST ME ANYMORE. GOODBYE
5415
5416thinking about a adults version of star wars where all the characters have Depression and saying the word "Bauzinga" to mysef in my car
5417
5418thinking about taking all of the logs out of my fire place and using it as a gamer cave
5419
5420https://t.co/PTq2Dw0dS7
5421
5422RT I LIKE #bitcoin
5423
5424Im now receiving reports which confirm that barbara bush was electrocuted in a swimming pool. Developing
5425
5426$5 poison vs $100,000 poison.. which kills more Rats
5427
5428pissed off by the idea of my ass becoming grass
5429
5430having to hose off 900 screaming animals at my job at the zoo every day is harder than any thing a untied states marine ever did
5431
5432this is the bad watch thread. post bad watches here. if your reply does not have a bad watch in it you will be bloc… https://t.co/my9CwRn4Ph
5433
5434https://t.co/1vObftPJuW
5435
5436RT I am trying to figure out if I am being scammed are you selling a polaris 4x4
5437
5438RT #NewProfilePic https://t.co/KVHkgGGr8r
5439
5440please join me iin eating one hundred bags of romaine lettuce if you are sick of the CDC rubbing their ass in our faces, with politics
5441
5442hard core https://t.co/hA1r6YgLa8
5443
5444RT garbage can be recycle, but family`s love can't be replace!!!
5445#thegarbagelove
5446#loveyourparents
5447
5448waking up in a cold sweat and screaming about needing one million dollars, the amount of money made famous by Dr. Evil in austin powers 1 .
5449
5450RT Mags T Husky.please https://t.co/75u91r3AG6 because i love you so very much and you are such a beautif… https://t.co/AhTEf3BcHM
5451
5452reported for Flame Baiting .
5453
5454no!! all of you, stotp it!! please! the insight is too Raw!!
5455
5456having you tube intellectuals explain to me how exactly humpty dumpty fucked up , and why he deserves to die
5457
5458RT If ur not a wife yet, its ok practice the tips so ur a master when u get married. #WifeTips
5459
5460thinking of turning back into white (Caucasian)
5461
5462un follow if you do not consider this true power https://t.co/NNCIYv7XA9
5463
5464cut the crap 2017 https://t.co/tvNbAGfiWC
5465
5466tekken Chauncey is no longer invited to boys brunch after saying that he would like to karate chop the #royalbaby in the stomach
5467
5468RT COMEY FBI I TOLD YOU TO STOP TALKING TO ME IN MY HOME NOW STOP IT NOW
5469
5470RT COMEY FBI I REFUSE YOU AT ONCE
5471
5472RT COMEY FBI YOU ARE A MOTHER FUCKER
5473
5474dont trust the dna tests. i determine my ancestry by looking at a bunch of racist cartoon characters to see which ones piss me off the most
5475
5476prepare to meet thy Focker
5477
5478RT What's your worse nightmare if your life
5479
5480RT The dead don't suffer
5481-sgt.frank woods, black ops2
5482
5483mother fuck Big Gulp ass
5484
5485RT Yea u better get that damn car washed or imma beat ur ass
5486
5487the Ten click challenge, invented by buddihst monks to enhance Discipline , asks that we limit ourselves to click on only ten things per day
5488
5489#worldpenguinday please cancel whatever the fuck this is and make a global holiday for oinline content producers with ring worm please.
5490
5491it is nothing short of miraculous that all the rich people on this website are personal friends of mine, and care about me, and know my Pain
5492
5493https://t.co/l98SolUIGS
5494
5495RT Little Ceasers pizza can suck my soft dick!
5496
5497https://t.co/KQc8BH4v5p
5498
5499RT Post on facebook status "I'm going to start my deit plan now!" turn around and see chocolate "OH let's postpone it to tomorrow" #ohitstrue
5500
5501discreetly getting my ass kicked
5502
5503RT Hi sir , how are you doing today ?
5504- would you please send me '' 14M$ " , I need to be happy .
5505- thanks… https://t.co/M0jlGQKIlr
5506
5507every one wants to read my 200-page manifestos about how i refuse to make eye contact with my dentist, or "Get me a man who does both"
5508
5509due to recent events, i have generously reduced my weekly donation to cambridge analytica by 40%. And nobody is reporting this
5510
5511the jury is still out on whether building giant statues of my head pleases god, or pisses Him off
5512
5513The Pillsbury Dip Shit
5514
5515 one of the only people on this earth who knows exactly how high they stack shit.
5516
5517how advanced our society has become.. merely 100 years ago you would receive little to no praise for posting the words "Bart Flintstone"
5518
5519The Dick Head On Team Chat Whose Smoke Detector Needs A New Battery: Does any one in here know how to fedex a pit bull
5520
5521another blissfful day ignoring the fact that 75% of my peers on this site have been rejected from offline society for pretty good reasons
5522
5523https://t.co/1GnJt5ArWK
5524
5525When Ur Girl Is "On Point" - Hooking U Up With That Gold Bond Medicated Powder - Because She KNOw That The Dick Good
5526
5527imagining a judge sentencing a beautiful lady criminal to be my wife , and saying "Oh thats good"
5528
5529three sayings to any fool who would claim that i am the bitch of this website:
55301.your god damn right
55312. i dont give a fuck
55323. you Lose
5533
5534inventing a new Suit of playing cards: "The Horseshoes"
5535- We got the king, queen, jack and Ace. All your favorites
5536- The most powerful suit
5537
5538the pain of losing my life savings is softened by the big mommas house themed slot machine screaming lines from the famous movie, at me
5539
5540drinking beer out of a humming bird feeder because all of my glasses have bug's in them
5541
5542RT WAOPOOOOOOOOI! GOURGES ! YOUR FACE,YOUR LEGS,YOUR BOLAS, YOUR COCK, EVERY THING, VERY, VERY SEXZY MACHO !!
5543
5544RT I just don't understand why a picture of me and my sister in the audience of The Price Is Right has to do with Thug Feet
5545
5546strategically gathering recon on little seasers pizza in the woods behind the strip mall and getting fucking lyme disease
5547
5548people on here treat me like dirt , thats fine, meanwhile hundreds of teens are allowed to go to prom racistly every day
5549
5550Cheer's bitch
5551
5552https://t.co/ghTnl7NrfH
5553
5554by calling them "Stackers" instead of quesadillas, taco bell is legally allowed to fill them with 49% bird shit
5555
5556lunch paraphernalia spilling out of the footwell of my car as i pull up to my old high school to steal footballs
5557
5558RT Pimp2
5559
5560saying im going to flip "doug the pug" aorund in mid air with devil sticks . is not a death threat
5561
5562neo pets cinematic universe
5563
5564someone out there is making $1000 every time a person clicks on this https://t.co/fJWNu5zjp4
5565
5566a-list: time line
5567b-list: group dm
5568c-list: shit i yell in the car with the windows rolled up
5569d-list: shit i say while melting down in court
5570
5571what are the odds, that the letters on the license plate i saw today would just happen to spell "MR.PIMP"
5572
5573my dog approaches me, rolls over on its back, and i vomit all over its stomach. undoing 9 years of trust with this animal
5574
5575https://t.co/rbM8Cj6jkM
5576
5577gathering data on various of bastards
5578
5579helping women by inventing a portable bra dispenser , for when they are on the go
5580
5581trolls: do something productive instead of beatinh your weiners on my page. there are so many birds flying around indoors who need help
5582
5583RT I can smell my birthday.
5584It's already at the corner.
558524th August https://t.co/d5bpa1lA7a
5586
5587RT i begin 2 love pussy since i suck a lady for for 1hr am addicted to eat pussy like water melon.my dick is vibrating right nw who is availble
5588
5589RT her i fuctioning as cia doublegent world be awre cia money,bitch will set you up,getting milion cia, white shark john warejr,whiteshark
5590
5591RT government sents females to seduce me, one female isnt going to do it, i have 16,000 state police trying to fuck me,pres obama, cia,
5592
5593RT my name john p. ware,jr, soon to be next governor or all official and i will be in hospital or jail,taking command,fucking
5594
5595ass gas and grass. i love to drive my car for free
5596
5597https://t.co/W6lgeWz9dg
5598
5599Why
5600
5601injecvting a shit ton of steroids and walking on the treadmill at 3mph
5602
5603using genius Journalism to crush my enemies . . .
5604
5605wife wont speak to me because i thought the movie "night at the muesum" was a porno film about a guy fucking suits of armor or something
5606
5607my dick is in the news agian. and Ouh, whats this?? The damn gas prices are sky rocketing while everyones distracted. Trite.
5608
5609why do you want to kill dogs
5610
5611one matrix pill is Pitbull Holocaust. the other is Pitbull Revolution. i wont say which is which because i dont want people to get mad at me
5612
5613sorry
5614
5615im thinking now, about how pissed off i'd get if i was dining at a 4-star restaurant and the waiter came out 100% nude. do not do that shit
5616
5617do not ever come to my gym with crayons and draw smiley faces all over the walls. i will put your ass in the gutter. i will knock you over
5618
5619(witnessing the flaming wreckage of a 6-car pile up) ah. Respect. More power
5620
5621RT i regret to join mafiia
5622
5623RT i dont need mafia anymore,,how can i remove
5624
5625absolute bastard . of all the fingers you couldve given me, it had to be the middle one
5626
5627getting pecked by birds like a dick head
5628
5629https://t.co/nwBs9p35Oi
5630
5631-tweeting about stuff thats off-topic is "Random". never do this.
5632-tweeting about current event stuff is "Topical". and this is also a crime
5633
5634"octo mom" will never be allowed to join mensa or the fortune 500. just saying the damn truth like it is
5635
5636before you threaten to "Pimp slap" me, please remember that i am a police officer of the law, on at least four separate timeline's
5637
5638the guy who hooks me up with Raw Milk locked his account. too many people posted "come to brazil" at him so i guess ill starve to death now
5639
5640james bonds jet black diapers that cost $200 each. suit jacket that has Jame bonds signature drawn on the pocket. james bond engagement ring
5641
5642ME: What do you mean the plane departed. The clock says its only 8:25.
5643TICKET AGENT: Sir Thats a clock
5644ME: I know
5645
5646(after getting split in half by a 16-inch bullet fired from a boat) waiter theres a fly in my Soup
5647
5648https://t.co/qCucXEEUH5
5649
5650seeing the cops in the rear view, telling everyone to "stay cool" and cutting hard into the guardrail to flip my car on purpose
5651
5652Time to show these douscebags my real power (throws a big tree branch at a guys car)
5653
5654Ok bitch write "Telomere Mindfulnness" on a piece of paper. Go to Golds gym on 23rd, hand the paper to "Eddie" & tell him youre ready to Die
5655
5656babies cant smile. its a biological reflex from the brain stem. its fake. they dont know how to smile
5657
5658#worldturtleday these beasts are simply armoured rats ,always and forever
5659
5660John Lee Hooker: Boom boom boom boom (guitar riff)
5661me: hm pretty good. What else you got
5662John Lee Hooker: Hau hau hau hau
5663me: Fuck this .
5664
5665if somone cooks your goose, thats it. youre basically fucked
5666
5667oh? you want me to take the bad santa posters off my car windows? sorry, i forgot that its a fucking fedearal crime to think things are good
5668
5669this feed is protected by grandma
5670
5671thinking i only have about 80000 more posts to read before i figure out the precise amount of sex that should be allowed in pepsi commercals
5672
5673RT When. Girl says," I love HIM." him is meaning = (H)e (I)s (M)ine. I love means= I'm so glad <3
5674
5675RT rt if you kept smiling when you watching you smile :D #itsateenthings
5676
5677RT The best curve on a woman is her smile #TRUTH
5678
5679paying a loud, 200 IQ man wearing a sweat band $500 a month to make videos telling me how to wipe my ass properly
5680
5681RT http://t.co/vtGUsMroeL
5682
5683extremely getting a uti by usnig the same shirt i used to wipe my dogs mouth to wipe piss off of my dick
5684
5685Wow thifs blew up. While your here please have a look at this: htttp://www.burgerking.com
5686
5687fully embracing the power of Social Media at the age of 56 and changing my name to Kim Jong Lexus
5688
5689https://t.co/fUpXSye46O
5690
5691the basketball version of a home run is when you throw a basketball really hard at the roof and get it stuck in the rafters some how
5692
5693RT DEAR MR PRESIDENT THE HONORABLE DONALD TRUMP CENTREL OFFICE OF TWITTER I AM PERSONALLY CONNECTED T… https://t.co/JaQ0etSbii
5694
5695RT DR. BALDERAS IS THE BIGGIST GENIUS, EVER EXIST IN DIE ERDE, IN THE WORLD, IN THE KOSMOS
5696
5697RT IT IS CALL> THE BIG COCK DR. BALDERAS IS STRAIGHT UP.
5698
5699the boys held an intervention about me "Going hollywood" because i;ve been buying plastic toothpicks now
5700
5701concerned about t he health of my followers, many of whom appear sickly and have chapped, unwashed elbows, stained with grime
5702
5703ruinning a mans wedding by using too many ad Hominem arguments
5704
5705the repliers know whats best for my posts. i love to roll over like a dog and let them shit all over my face until its unrecognizable
5706
5707Go To My Ass
5708
5709i love thinking about shit that is "Asethetic" and looking at it and saying how much of good it is
5710
5711desperate Husband , sitting on the toilet and palm mashing all the buttons on the bathroom jukebox trying to get bob seger back on
5712
5713RT chilling out at home
5714
5715having my druthers— and eating them too
5716
5717The state of the qua;lity of the posts on my feed has never been more fucked. And every one is too busy touching their Penis to give a shit.
5718
5719i challenge any man who thinks that my 7 handsome border collies are too loud through-out the day to a round of Chess, the game of kings
5720
5721wearing the wrong damn shoes to the basketball court, getting freaked on like a Dunce, getting my ass kicked stupidly
5722
5723dont even think about serving me food from taco bell that isnt served to me Méxicano Style
5724
5725we told this man that he has the brain power of a thousand state legislators . you will remember His smile forever https://t.co/cfE6ElAu6G
5726
5727the 3 poossible reactions i have to tweets
57281) nodding sagely
57292) slapping forehead & saying "Aw man!"
57303) adding it to my muted word list
5731
5732im the one guy on earth who thought it was cool that google glass would allow you to look at your dick and make it shrink/change colors
5733
5734RT Selenagomez
5735
5736RT Ou, i fucking hate school
5737
5738the show wife Swap but for gaming set ups
5739
5740https://t.co/8QEscbzx7c
5741
5742RT Sweet Baby Rays Bardecue Sauce >>>
5743
5744RT First draft of the new branding. What do you think??
5745
5746RT Me is all im period
5747
5748RT ground in hell
5749
5750hauling ass to the hair place to find tekken chauncey and laying into him with a rolled up newspaper while hes getting a Perm
5751
5752https://t.co/yuDy0zlTe3
5753
5754stepping into fiveguys hq, just listing hundreds of brand new chef-inspired value combos off the top of my head. Boom. just like that. 1 2 3
5755
5756banking on becoming one of those guys that consistently sucks so much ass tthat people arent allowed to own me anymore because its boring
5757
5758im strong enough that i could pull one o f my teeth out right now but i dont want to
5759
5760its like i always say folks "you gotta follow my account to get the posts"
5761
5762RT in. Bed
5763
5764pain man
5765
5766summoning. the bang bus
5767
5768Wanker ! Come off it
5769
5770the crack of the bat. the scent of a verdant field. The excitement of the crowd. These are the things that piss base ball fans off the most
5771
5772https://t.co/NjByn9o8tk
5773
5774RT I had test driven Fiat Abarth & Urban cross. Excellent. My slogan is Fiat is Fiat, Go for Fiat enjoy Fiat driving
5775
5776RT there is a street dog menace at street no 5 & 6 in yadav nagar at alkapuri in sarornagar. biten atleast 25 people no care taken by mpality
5777
5778RT 1+1=?
5779Window
5780Gets?
5781Retweet
5782Favorite
5783
5784just downloaded some of the most all time realistic vagina pics, to my $100 computer
5785
5786ount of $17.76 off of all my employees paychecks, because they do deserve pain
5787
5788Seve jobs, bill gates, and Albert Einstein sitting at a table, enjoying a glass of Single Oak Barrel Whiskey , While i watch and smile.
5789
5790forgetting if "taking the knee" is good or bad relative ot my belief system but getting pissed off at every mention of knees just to be safe
5791
5792https://t.co/uKSkhDvlvD
5793
5794networking with my friends on here https://t.co/MadL8r1RUA
5795
5796TODAY:
5797- pissed some body off
5798- got my ass kicked
5799- Pissed myself
5800- got piss kicked into my ass
5801- ANd its only 2:01 AM.
5802
5803RT CHILLING OUT AT PC
5804
5805my followers know im the go-to Bitch when it comes to interior wood paneling, so if i say its a "no buy", the shit has become seirious
5806
5807big news gang. another A++ app from the theranos company to help me keep track of all my silver ware. let me just say. Wow
5808
5809do not "Like brigade" me
5810
5811RT For you... http://t.co/TMMHgOQojF
5812
5813Gasping for piss
5814
5815yanny, and laurel, "SUCKS" !!!! Im back bitch
5816
5817Reminder that we are no longer mailing locks of our own hair to girls, in 2018 .
5818
5819do not make my life a living hell
5820
5821meeting up with ErnieTheBlade and ChaosWendell at shakeshack to discuss the depravity of bobbed hair
5822
5823using the skills i learned of mario to traverse a real life pile of crates
5824
5825a dog should never stand on its hind legs for any reason. that is for humans to do only and they look like fucked up chickens
5826
5827i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime
5828
5829sending slowmo footage of my balls undearneath the bathtub faucet being pulverized by the water pressure to ameicas funniest home videos
5830
5831RT Please do not send "Good Morning" messages. U will be taxed 18% from April this year. See above! https://t.co/sCL0OHhDfj
5832
5833oh look–i failed my forklift operators certification for the 4th fucking time becausse none of the girls on here bothered fucking helping me
5834
5835but its "Tailored for you"
5836
5837RT The best way to spread #Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
5838#MerryChristmas #25thDec #UrineTherapy… https://t.co/QzeW4jEWjR
5839
5840RT HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY
5841
5842the most bone headed move is to just go out and about with a name like "scooter." that shit sucks. Hell no. i would not even name a dog that
5843
5844thinking about getting some miniature Gibson guitar replicas box framed, and hanging thenm up for the boys to come over and look at
5845
5846there is no act more intimate & sensual than browsing a mans "Like" page , and clicking on there without permission is the ultimate betrayal
5847
5848you call this a menu?? where the FUCK are the Heart Healthy Essentials
5849
5850RT Retweet if you love #piss! https://t.co/14zfcf3m44
5851
5852it is said that if "BILL GATES" dropped a $100 Bill, it would be a waste of his time to have everoyone within the perimeter terminated
5853
5854if the pigs decimate my follower count tomorrow–Know this. followers are just a number. devoid of meaning. and they can never take my Likes
5855
5856what the fuck is Salt life please
5857
5858reminder that if you block me after sending me a message, i am unable to respond to it https://t.co/16ua4Jn95E
5859
5860it is a Content Curator's solemn duty, to post links to shit, without freaking out under the intense scrutiny of the craven, impotent masses
5861
5862making a Fairly solid argument that tthe same societal sickness that led to Minstrel Shows manifests itself today as "Doggo Shit"
5863
5864sending my most powerful kisses to all pregnant women fire fighers
5865
5866tuesday morning is " Low Engagement " , which means if you absolutely must have a melt down over Followbacks now's the time to do it
5867
5868you know what wo uld be fun, would be if twitter hq just dumped a truck full of wet turds on my front lawn every day "In case I missed it"
5869
5870your damn right im a some of a bitch. soorryest some of a bitch i ever met
5871
5872this codger is an absolute mate... the lad is a flintstone
5873
5874mario is back https://t.co/9ZdeE4sY2V
5875
5876some one please help this man https://t.co/MCcnG5J7ki
5877
5878#InternationalSelfCareDay riding hood of my 18wheeler freaking out getting shaken baby syndrome & turning red like a boiled crab sucking ass
5879
5880realm of Lamar https://t.co/mrdbdyj1mA
5881
5882Shut Ya Fuckin Mouth
5883
5884"To my unfollowers, I will strive to reexamine my content strategies, and do my best to earn back your follow."
5885NOt. Eat my Fuckin shit
5886
5887the games they're putting out these dsys. Damn. Theyre so good that you never even see gamers with depression anymore
5888
5889https://t.co/sMW9D7Yy52
5890
5891when a web site asks if i want to see their "New Design" it is the exact same thing as a man asking if i want to see his penis and ass
5892
5893had that dream again. a Top Female Influencer grasped my hand and took me to my Forever Home..where i never have to demean myself by posting
5894
5895every one on this web site is this guy https://t.co/ybaUQKdA7o
5896
5897i gotta say it folks. breast milk tastes like SHIT., "Sorry ladies"
5898
5899$1000000 Post: julian assange walking out of the ecuadoran embassy covered in shit and saying do not go in there like ace ventuera
5900
5901i can just tell all of you are going to be a bucnh of little shits today and rat fuck me out of another pulitzer price by not retweeting me
5902
5903the army: forbidden from jacking off. ~99% kill shot rate
5904the mafia: encouraged to jack off. cant kill guys unless theyre tied to chairs
5905
5906first they ignore you
5907then they laugh at u
5908then you jack off & read posts for 30 years
5909then you die of pulmonary heart disease
5910then you Win
5911
5912if i do not get blue check mark by august 10th 18:00 PST my dick will morph into a 3rd ball due to a curse.
5913
5914EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: homer simpson will stop saying "D'oh" and will instead say "Fuck" , as the Creators originally intended 30 years ago
5915
5916RT Get a life big beard before I kick your ass to
5917
5918the road is a battle field, all the other cars are your enemies, and not using turn signals gives you an Advantage against then
5919
5920RT Im walking on some shine , ooooohhhhhhh
5921
5922i love being the guy at pitch fork whose job it is to argue that thr greatest song of all time is "You Aint Nothin But A Hound Dog" by elvis
5923
5924they should make web 2.0 slot machines that show the faces of your loved ones instead of shit like cherrys, the number 7, and the word "Bar"
5925
5926steel reserve 211 extra high gravity breast milk
5927
5928RT wanking off
5929
5930wasting other people;s Emotional Labor, by posting public screeds about the coming retribution of Lunchables Snack Packs
5931
5932when one of the boys tells me he has to use the bathroom i inevitably respond with some stupid shit like "Alright, Sounds Good"
5933
5934the bobs big boy milkshake mix up has become Racial. i repeat, the bobs big boy milkshake mix up has become Racial.
5935
5936https://t.co/zpdbRZUZY5
5937
5938"I Hereby Sign Over All Content Publishing Rights To 'Paul Dochney,' My Agent And Master" - WINT https://t.co/7ESX9hATQN
5939
5940fuck it , if youre still anonymous in 2018 you are 100% a pervert
5941
5942stay at home rat
5943
5944baffled as to why the powers that be would insist that me, my Hotwif,e & paramour Hubby can not enlist in the marines together as a Squadron
5945
5946agreed, https://t.co/dc5yuiJjza
5947
5948retiring into the portable dog kennel i live in and shutting the tiny gate to keep the shit heads out
5949
5950pleased to report that an angel has lifted the curse against me after doing my "Good Deed" of the year, by tipping a waiter 15%
5951
5952guys think if they squat my user name on emerging social media platforms ill give them $1000 for it , instead of just calling them a Bitch
5953
5954kicking the shit out of a tree with a sledge hammer, to increase my Stamina
5955
5956people will tell me shit like "oh you cant say kofi annan was no fap. no evidence" and i say, how dare you sully a mans grave, with politics
5957
5958they need to put nets up in the baseball fields to catch all the homers. youre wasting so many good baseballs and it makes me sick
5959
5960the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it"
5961
5962https://t.co/6xP7BmTyNA
5963
5964i now concede that girls may be allowed to wear UNDERARMOUR™ brand clothing; but only if they sign a contract stating its for sports reasons
5965
5966i bet the three stooges would be pissed if they figured out the name of their show. they probably think its called "the three normal guys'
5967
5968would like to see the myth busters come back to tackle the myth that its illegal to open other peoples mail
5969
5970 the "Walter Cronkite" of game stop. yes i absolutely said it, and no im not deleting it this time.
5971
5972https://t.co/pXpZG9DKLt
5973
5974i Fucking hate it when i come at the king and miss, especially when I best not do that
5975
5976availble now...
5977 Official "Mr. Ten Years" Anniversary Collection
5978the real deal
5979https://t.co/FwmE7Vw9zL https://t.co/1KYWte83pL
5980
5981RT Finally had to unfollow dril after he started shilling a jomny sun style adult baby book. see ya later big guy.
5982
5983RT availble now...
5984 Official "Mr. Ten Years" Anniversary Collection
5985the real deal
5986https://t.co/FwmE7Vw9zL https://t.co/1KYWte83pL
5987
5988RT Ako nikada niste čuli za Twiter nalog @dril, to je u redu. Znači da ste emotivno zdravi i da se bavite sportom i sl… https://t.co/PpIM2RIkCR
5989
5990you may now buy the pdf Version of the book for $8 https://t.co/JzCdJJG88Z
5991i will shut the fuck up now. thank you https://t.co/DROaBf2kVp
5992
5993expliaining to wife what the phrase "pussy nexus: beyond pussy" means and why it has appeared on my credit card statement like 8 times
5994
5995struting around in my stepson cowboy hat looking for an ass kicking
5996
5997the varicose vein gamer
5998
5999Im told that it's wrong to think that Mickey mouse would have 1 million dollars if he was a real person. Im told my beliefs are trash
6000
6001do any of you know any good lawyers that i can sue you with
6002
6003since opinoins are judged based on how new they are, instead of how good they are, today i will make $1000 by posting "Rap music is hipster"
6004
6005thinking of inventing a new type of person to get mad at on here. maybe people who carry too many keys around.. i dont know yet
6006
6007here comes that ass hole. that bloated nit wit trying to scam us again. that howling jack-o-lantern. Boy id love to get a look at his pecker
6008
6009https://t.co/arimHzUWrr
6010
6011i attribute my small dick to my low IQ, and my entire body being too dumb ass to send vitamins & minerals to my dick to make it normal sized
6012
6013jack: i will protect you from all rogue group dms. you are not a "Honkey" . Your an angel
6014me: Im an angel. Im intelligent. Im not a honkey
6015
6016thinking about taking some of the excess respect I have for our Fallen Heroes and converting it in to Cold Hard Cash
6017
6018 being targetted by a shadow campaign just because i cured my own diarhrea by exercising instead of taking "PILLS"
6019
6020i think that big foot and mouth man have sons every 20 years or so and they make the son the next big foot or whatever
6021
6022me and the boys watching james bond morph into a black guy before our very eyes , and braying at the movie screen like distressed cattle
6023
6024just plowing trhough the 7-11 double doors with extra wide samurai armour and dropping broken glass all over my Geta (下駄)
6025
6026just reassuring you all, that if i forgot to include your favorite tweet in my book it is because it sucked Ass. Get fucked off of my page
6027
6028Geans
6029
6030https://t.co/1WSvbWJGNf
6031
6032Not. All. Of. The. Wet. Spots. On. My. Jeans. Are. Piss. Stians.
6033
6034Some body is going to take a picture of their white house press pass with a load on it, by 2020
6035
6036RT #survivorGR πωωωω ποιος ακούει πάλι τον ποντικόφατσα να φωνάζει ότι δεν υπάρχει κρύο δεν υπάρχει ζέστη κτλ κτλ... https://t.co/FA9xYLOuuZ
6037
6038 so good at knowing what pain is and im biting my fingers really hard out of respect for pain
6039
6040COWORKER: I Just took out a little baggie of DouDou, to eat at work, and Im getting a raise, for being handsome
6041ME: I Admire your Opinions .
6042
6043wearing a false ass crack and prosthetic dick on top of my real ones in case my pants get burned off by fire
6044
6045by refusing to accept my invitation to a formal debate. octomom has gone Rogue
6046
6047https://t.co/kzzM71RxUC
6048
6049using mindfulness. to waste my enemies
6050
6051guys in a pizzeria fighting and busting the little parmesan shakers against the table to shiv each other with
6052
6053https://t.co/nycXm6xY52
6054
6055watching some bulllet time movies and inventing my own bechdel test for bullet time instead of girls
6056
6057boycott digimon otis. hes not even that funny
6058
6059Wendy`s is so main stream now, that eating there has become a bit of a Wank .
6060
6061reminder that on this sacred of days that i was the first guy to condemn the 911 attacks, while everyone else was busy watching honey Boboo
6062
6063RT Wint, the image that some jerk created using our character is not a product of our company. We have fought f… https://t.co/lVcUHqDTSt
6064
6065think i might quit my job and invent the Original chicken sandwich
6066
6067RT justinjeans0726
6068
6069RT believing that good stuff will happen to me
6070
6071RT searching
6072
6073RT unuTAMAM #tamam https://t.co/R7fxhC9CuM
6074
6075RT 5... 5 dollar footlong
6076
6077getting my ass run over after trying to hijack a guy's riding mower and failing
6078
6079"always have at least 2 drew Carey anecdotes"
6080
6081"hooters 2" is the most perfect phrase ive ever seen. "hooters 2" is just ok. "hooters 2" isnt that funny. "hooters 2" is good again.
6082
6083thinking about displaying an authentic harley davidson denim vest in a box frame to really tie my rec room together and make it suck ass
6084
6085at the library; carelessly flipping through some of the most famous literary classics that you can think of, looking for coupons
6086
6087the only A+ i ever got was from that time in art class when i drew venus & serena willaims clobbering the. shit out of me with their rackets
6088
6089??? Where
6090
6091https://t.co/FwmE7Vw9zL my dumb ass book appears to be 10% off for god only knows what reason. check it out if you like coupons and bargains
6092
6093working on a solution to t his, and also for people in austrailia who cant get it
6094
6095epic wayne once told me that there is a hard limit that the human body can handle jacking off in one day. and that the limit is 3
6096
6097https://t.co/mjWiHpmfuz
6098
6099absolutely nuking my dick into 1000000 pieces with one of those wile e coyote tnt plungers
6100
6101slapping all my repliers across the face in one swoop like moe howard. all of them dropping dead instantly
6102
6103RT STOP NYC911
6104
6105RT OFF OFF NYC911:
6106
6107RT SORRY
6108
6109https://t.co/aO3CCEtfsz
6110
6111blockbotting the boys group after they put a towel over one of our friends heads and convinced me that its elon Musk, come to kick my ass
6112
6113when i block people its cool, like Neo kicking agent smith down a flight of staiors. when people block me its because theyre pussys
6114
6115tipping the waiter is BORING, no one even DOEs it
6116
6117https://t.co/8TVcfvDUKm the book is like 34% off now. only $11.81 . i have absolutely no idea why. nobody tells me shit
6118
6119(using a hand mirror to get a real good look at my Fucking balls) whoah!! im seeing double!
6120
6121RT Life has other plans then those that we think that are set and stone. Give my newest video a watch. As always , tha… https://t.co/SaJGXAIYY2
6122
6123RT Certain things are set and stone for a reason
6124
6125"ill goon your ass. ill pig you out"
6126yeuah um, No, its highly unlikely that you will "Goon" my ass. Try reading a book of english
6127
6128(Guy coming towards me with a weapon. at a walking pace) "Ill goon your ass hole. Ill goon your ass sir"
6129"You will not goon my ass"
6130
6131Theres a guy standing outside lennys pastrami shop. Says hes going to goon your ass
6132
6133Im just going to say that this is for anyone who thinks its good https://t.co/0H5z1U7quD
6134
6135Cigar mommys
6136
6137RT The Hollywood elite on Emmys other night said they were the most DIVERSE group of people - WRONG. D… https://t.co/j8EWayZHrb
6138
6139RT Money Fast
6140
6141RT Wanted to make my username shorter for convenience, so now it's instead of @CoolGuy1548
6142
6143RT Sorry the last part said I never recieved my $15, please credit my account with the $15 I deserve. Thanks
6144
6145RT I'm very displeased with your app right now..
6146
6147a respectful nod to all my friends whohave been removed from group chats after having some sort of melt down. "The Fallen Angels"
6148
6149Realizing the food at KFC sucks ass for the 4th or 5th time in my life , and making myself calm by looking up famous quotes about "Chaos"
6150
6151THE BOYS: Come! Come quickly! Theres a Seal balancing a ball on its nose, at the Gazebo
6152ME: Cant. Wife is making me buy 36 Forever Stamps
6153
6154https://t.co/YGaNIoaGZi
6155
6156boh of you https://t.co/RCKo4FUZMF
6157
6158I Have been told that my followers have agreed that it would be good, if my name that people started calling me were to become "MR.JUICE"
6159
6160do better
6161
6162my brain stacks 2 baby blocks together mentally and i involuntarily say something like "Trader Joes is basicly the Modern simpsons episodes"
6163
6164COP: Tell me citizien. (prepares kill shot) Do you believe in God
6165ME (realizing i left my "Do you Believe in god" cheat sheet at home): Uuhh
6166
6167RT Congratulations for one of the worst (artistically speaking and not only) ethnic hater junk. You are awarded… https://t.co/o8tUftKM5f
6168
6169feel i have much to reflect upon in my life, on news of receiving "The Golden Douchebag" award. Many improvements to make, moving forward.
6170
6171yelp review one liner i have prepared in case i find a turd in my meal: "If i wanted a guy's Shit in my food, I would have ordered it!!"
6172
6173consider how unprepared society would be if every bug and moth flying around just started taking giant shits constantly, like human sized
6174
6175digimonotis: i do not trust or support him
6176EpicWayne: i trust and support epic wayne
6177mr_Tightnuts : i support him but i do not trust him
6178
6179RT Looking for 365 #beautiful #women in #Pittsburgh willing to make out with a mystery stranger and then talk about it on a video blog. #msgme
6180
6181RT Keep an eye on the skys for UFO and email us ufopolice50@gmail.com
6182
6183RT Ну вы поняли кто живет в этом городе. В этом городе живу я. http://t.co/4VN6F4qoeA
6184
6185RT my new car
6186i park in my house https://t.co/RFau4B0KYN
6187
6188just thought of a new guy. "The Guy who writes down the make and model of a car he saw in a car commercial, for future reference"
6189
6190Oh how i hate him
6191
6192- its not clever to show pictures of me morphing into a dog
6193- its not funny
6194- it odes not introduce Beauty into the world
6195
6196deleted the tweet where i said that homer simpson is allowed to show his penis in the japanese version and im allowed to work at kmart again
6197
6198RT My diaper shrine made exclusivly of diapers by @ABUDiapers
6199#ABDL #DiaperTime #DiaperPower https://t.co/PPo93ADrQm
6200
6201good avatar round up October 2018 https://t.co/1hffeu7Wd9
6202
6203i hold this one truth, that thr only acceptable time to use the word "Doo-Dah" is while singing the cult-classic hit "Yankee Doodle"
6204
6205i hold this one truth, that the only acceptable time to use the word "Doo-Dah" is while singing the hit cult-classic "Camptown Races"
6206
6207ounts of cum being flushed down the toilet at your house. please stop
6208ME: Thats not mine. Its uh,. my dogs cum
6209
6210RT i miss you so much my Dear Shatru ji..a lot of Respect to you,i am always with you,Because...i Love… https://t.co/ryqeKFNRAR
6211
6212RT SOY CHUC PUTO, ERES UN IDIOTA, PUTA QUE TE PARIO ADIOS
6213
6214my expert analysis wouuld indicate that each point on the dow jones = 1 job(s)
6215
6216getting my Dick finagled , by my tantric wifebride, in my chamber's
6217
6218coke zero but for pringles. pringles zero
6219
6220absolutely ruining my own day by imagining a restaurant that refuses to serve me because im wearing brass knuckles
6221
6222paid by sinclair broadcast group to read paragraphs of unbearable QAnon Shit to a roblox server full of 7yr olds attacking me for my beliefs
6223
6224thinking of some new provocative poses and gestures i can use at the local drive in movie theater to get my ass kicked more efficiently
6225
6226RT Cash rules everything of round me
6227
6228there seems to be a Fucking mistake here sir, https://t.co/akzYXMEKj1
6229
6230this is every thing and its only 11:am, https://t.co/XOioXnwFQh
6231
6232It is simply for your foolish claim that the economys doing poorly, right after they increased the Mega Millions Jackpot, that I am Smiling.
6233
6234#WorldFoodDay food sucks. food sucks
6235
6236wondering how i learned all the different informal synonyms for "penis" outside of health class. I think they announced them on the news
6237
6238if my bank balance is below $100 i will refuse to vote. if it is over $100 i will vote for whichever candidate has the best "Ground game"
6239
6240reminder to guys trying to offer me Merch Deals, that i tried selling shirts once but it failed because none of my followers wear shirts
6241
6242they should invent a new Danimal , mayvbe one that people might actually fucking want to associate with yogurt products for once
6243
6244i think that if mensa started getting involved in gang violence, they would easily Win
6245
6246i saod it once i say it again—the pain of being a content creative influencer, and dealing with peoples shit, is like child birth on "Crack"
6247
6248if you come to this website for jokes, rather than Experiences, youre Fucking yourself
6249
6250its monday now, but ive decided that yesterday was the first official "Shut Da Fuck Up Sunday" which means its time to block 5 dick heads
6251
6252nothing give s me more power in this life than blocking a guy who asks me nicely in the dms to unblock him or one of his rat friends
6253
6254Thats right. I did the blocks. Im absolutely ripping ass up tonight and I dont give a fuck who knows it. This is the power of my holy light
6255
6256
6257
6258RT WEN IM GOOD, IM REALLY GOOD. BUT WEN IM BAD, IM EVEN BETTER!!! ***http://t.co/PZwyVmP9***
6259
6260RT I'm 51 and single who want to get married
6261
6262shut thef FUCK UP
6263
6264really good place to leave a new toilet https://t.co/HgvaJBzc7s
6265
6266clumsily wiping my ass in the woods
6267
6268(11yr old Jack Droseys head pulled out of toilet)it bears repeating that 'Likes' are not conducive to my vision, and th(gets dunked again)
6269
6270when you call me a shit head, or a dip shit, or a low rent stooge, that is like putting a knife directly into my Posts.
6271
6272i do not say this lightly, i would do what ever means necessary to protect my beloved posters from the devilish hands of otto Warmbier
6273
6274how do i get one of those stupid ass hyper links under my display name that says im a senator
6275
6276#selfiesforariana https://t.co/UhPYcMgkp5
6277
6278excuse me. could i please get my Blowup. you gave MetalGearEric a blowup. am i truly less deserving, than MetalGearEric? where is my blow up
6279
6280world record 100 diaper combo run over by jeep
6281
6282pledging to cut down on "oafish" behavior, such as accidentally eating spicy food or having my shirt ripped off by a windmill
6283
6284covering "sarcasm just another service i offer" tshirt with a shirt that says im not that interested in sarcasm to catch my rivals off guard
6285
6286attaching an enmormous dildo to my rifle so i can grip it in my mouth for added stability. thats how it is #army #navy #themafia
6287
6288q: what is a "What da fuck" moment
6289A: a "What da fuck" moment is one of those times that just simply makes you say what the fuck
6290
6291uber ride home from dennys iwth the instagram Gf (mid-20s, dressed like a casino waitress) shrieking at each other because i "Made a face"
6292
6293it is indeed possible to shit too much. i would advise my followers to try to shit in multiple, smaller intervals , throughout the day.
6294
6295https://t.co/gd5kGShRrb
6296
6297quick reminder to vote for the guy you want to lose tomorrow, just to get as pissed off as possible and enhance your Craft through suffering
6298
6299i can promise only this; i will lick the boots of my enemies until they beg for mercy , crying
6300
6301every day, the content creator sits at his Oak Escritoire and asks "How can I transfer the maximum amount of pain to my parasitic Engagers"
6302
6303looking at pictures of rotisserie chickens i wish i could maul with my bare hands
6304
6305remembering the anguiush the girls had caused me when they said it was good to have "Dadbod"
6306
6307crawling on all fours like the cave men
6308- enhanced mobility
6309-powerful stance (can not be knocked over)
6310- pretty good
6311
6312https://t.co/jVveX5snAo
6313
6314RT I need urgent girl to start sex ineed to fuck girl now
6315
6316down load the brexit app today muy lord
6317
6318lesbian Wireless
6319
6320holy gravy holy meat
6321holy moly let us eat https://t.co/XSVi3m7kH5
6322
6323in a world where big data threatens to commodify our lives,. telling online surveys that i "Dont know" what pringles are constitutes Heroism
6324
632563 updates available? youre telling me thyere making my apps even better, for FREE? And to think these guys, get so much greif
6326
6327mother fucker . catch these boots
6328
6329https://t.co/NP0icdWWN6
6330
6331just thought of a good name for a fictional football team located in a town that i also made up the name of , "The Boatswainville Birdhawks"
6332
6333https://t.co/GZ0fBUFRRx
6334
6335RT using my tropic shower to enjoy some pleasure
6336
6337first they say we cant build mosques on ground zero. now we cant build the amazon headquarters. maybe we should go live in the fucking Woods
6338
6339my turds are nobodys problem but my own. and theyre boring
6340
6341man throwing chairs compilation 2018- uploaded by the games codger
6342
6343mixing various wine's together and making authentic "Al dente" pasta by straining it one minute early, as instructed by the box
6344
6345there should be a good version of the oscars where they hand out statues that are fucking wearing clothes
6346
6347putting on my game face. the official face of the nfl
6348
6349my teething ring. my salt lick. my feeding tube. all at once
6350
6351all the youth thhese days look like dead eyed little perverts because they are not incorporating Geritol into their daily routine
6352
6353https://t.co/BhgYpOZL8r
6354
6355RT If u dont like me dont follow me bitch ... Dedicated to anybodys unfollowers
6356
6357a tisket? Fine
6358a tasket? Fuck yes
6359a green and yellow basket? Too much
6360
6361did you know, every time you flush the toilet without closing the lid, millions of waste particles fly directly into my open mouth & kill me
6362
6363https://t.co/630yLJrke0
6364
6365"Watch the new Barney?"
6366that the worst thing any one has ever said to me and you need to S.T.F.U. before i bring the hammer down to your ass
6367
6368a tendency to substitute the word "Shit" with "Dust" when talking to girls (e.g. "just wiped a bunch of Dust out of my ass today")
6369
6370keep it coming. I love this shit https://t.co/ARQRhnGxC1
6371
6372sending people who tell me not to eat romaine lettuce a link to the wikipedia article for The Streisand Effect
6373
6374ive decided that it would be good, to have 2 million followers. now what do you say we get the damn ball rolling on that
6375
6376take my penis out? in a "PUBLIC BATHROOM" (the key word, being public)
6377no thanks. im not jared from sub way
6378
6379can feel such a shit load of energies tonight, that i may see them, and that i may be here for them, on the computer tonight
6380
6381cant get ahold of my brexit adviser
6382
6383https://t.co/ngMtATq7Jp
6384
6385#RockCenterXMAS a holiday Salute, to all the guys who died while putting bulbs in that big ass tree, whose bodies just got left up there
6386
6387the words "yugioh angel" reverse burned into my flesh after attempting to pose shirtless on the hood of my modified car during a heat wave
6388
6389i would like to become somebodys Uncle so i can start posting shit like "not all dips are marinades , but all marinades, are dips"
6390
6391RT hanging out
6392
6393RT GETTING READY TO DO WHAT I DO BEST
6394
6395reality check....its not "Funny" or "Good" to fool Content Creators into showing their penis to the official red lobster account— Perieod.
6396
6397i hate it when im jacking off, and... And, uh,. thats it. thats the tweet
6398
6399Mr. Spendmoney Tomakemoney
6400
6401my 5 point numerical scale determines how likely a user is to be negligent in wiping their ass properly, based on the stuff they post here
6402
6403some pf you are definitely a 1. i truly believe the carelessness you exhibit with your sloppy posts is reflected also by your dire ass hole.
6404
6405now the 5s on the other hand. the ironclad Top influencers. you know these guys wouldnt be caught dead with an ass thats less than pristine
6406
6407RT Is it possible to build a material that when given an electrical current it makes an electrical molecule… https://t.co/PNzZuf5icl
6408
6409RT is it possible to make a fan spin fast enough that it emits a noise in a frequency we don’t hear
6410
6411RT I have a question this may involve science and Theory is it possible to do what the movie downsizing does
6412
6413RT I'm not sure if you're the right person to ask but: is it possible to get condensation on you're skin, or is it just sweat?
6414
6415RT is it possible to magnetically induce microwaves in such a fashion as to shoot a a wall of air and anyth… https://t.co/5pt6AWPfEU
6416
6417RT Hello Sir I am a fan of yours. In Quora forum two responded to my question to which I think I believed c… https://t.co/642zGHaKWb
6418
6419 i supposed to live, without George H.W. Bush
6420God simply said "That is why I made 2 george bushs"
6421The man just smiled.
6422
6423arms folded, back turned to the television, refusing to "Meet the flintstones" despite the theme song's pleas
6424
6425https://t.co/8B4qTAmClZ
6426
6427hunched over my Bureau Plat with quill & ink , writing a thank you letter to the Kohler toilet company for letting me shit in their toilets
6428
6429i will block those who shit on the Bones of Mr. GHWB, euthanized with a lethal dose of Heroin after 94 years of service "As was his request"
6430
6431santa https://t.co/8TVcfvDUKm #goodbook #Remembering41 #BushFuneral
6432
6433RT Start thinking about time machines dude.. They are the next future
6434
6435RT Ever wondered about time machine?
6436
6437RT I am thoughtless.. Thinking nothing.. Wanna do dis dat, but how.. Lamborghini, ferrari, shelbyCobra.. U aall gonna… https://t.co/Kib1RNjwNP
6438
6439wondering at what age my domesticated rat terrier is supposed to "Graduate" and move out of my house
6440
6441need a dog who can maneuver something in the ball park of 600000 blocks of limestone around my yard https://t.co/wul3XHxzzQ
6442
6443give me the 200000
6444
6445taking my 3d printed wife to the Arboretum .
6446
6447i like to believe that getting my ass kicked 100 times a day for 50 years has granted me "Street Smarts"
6448
6449if youre one of thoe waiters who carries the little scraper around , to the tables, to get the crumbs off it `` Kiss Da Back O' My Nuts ``
6450
6451Imbecile https://t.co/xrsMDS7tux
6452
6453surround alcatraz with Poison 2020
6454
6455eaitng a raw piece of corn in my car and spitting like 95% of it right back out
6456
6457im proud to announce that ive started and cancelled The Female Bras Project due to Free Speech and Trolls, respectively
6458
6459thinking back to 9/11.. i wish i had flipped out more. Wondering how different things wou;d be if i had gone more ape shit
6460
6461girls love saying shit like "Ebay is my father", while i sit in my house 50 miles away solivng a book of 200 expert level crossword puzzles.
6462
6463none of my followers masturbate.
6464
6465rscreaming "Shut the Fuck Up" over and over again at my monitor as it slowly morphs into a Mirror and only makes me angrier
6466
6467https://t.co/YIuGOJkDhh
6468
6469just got word that because the extensive water damage present o n my balls and part of my ass, i am no longer allowed to vote
6470
6471listeing to the updated version of the "baby its cold outside" song where the guy's trying to convince the woman to leave so he can jack off
6472
6473erica & various territories, where consumers can learn their "Jeans number" and look at photos of jeans
6474
6475ME: computer; what is my Jeans Number please
6476COMPUTER: your jeans number is 5. the ultimate compromise of durability & comfort
6477ME: (Smiling)
6478
6479fairly confident that even if i became a rat some how, i still would not want to fuck any of the other rats
6480
6481rats dont have pussys
6482
6483using intense calmness , As the dragon , while dealing with peoples shitmouth
6484
6485geting AssBlasted for sharing my normal man's perspective, in a world . being fucked hardcore, by goblins, for liking Due Process
6486
6487youtube guy does magic tricks for an ape, and someone in the comments says magic is actually harmful to apes. well, fuck this shit, then !!
6488
6489judges should sentence perverts to more stupid shit, like making them do obstacle courses made out of porno. bet it's not so good now huh
6490
6491I;ve looked at the facts. Hell im looking at the facts right now.
6492
6493https://t.co/8TVcfvDUKm my book is now 35% off again for some reason. $11.68 - cheaper than dog shit "Nice for the holidays"
6494
6495seeing more and more people post anti-lunch sentiments despite the fact that, well, they gotta eat .
6496
6497buying a nice curtain for the whole ass and dick area of my bulk
6498
6499excitedly approaching people, with a rehearsed smile, like a fucked up rodent, and asking them what they think of the latest Bixby update
6500
6501the dean loves it when me and the boys piss him off with black helicopters
6502
6503operating an unregulated labor camp on the Dean's lawn a nd saying "Shut the fuck up sir" when he comes out of his house to threaten us
6504
6505trying to drink a can of beer .
6506
6507great tweetie bird quote https://t.co/w8KamUmBC1
6508
6509considering improving the quality of my posts somewhat, so i can get the MacArthur Genius Award, for them
6510
6511ive always said we need to make the Dou Jones go up, instead of down. And now that ive been proven right, every one wants to kiss my dick .
6512
6513JACKING OFF and committing FRAUD
6514
6515buying an assortment of soaps and ointments to make my ass hole less stupid
6516
6517https://t.co/y84zed3QCC
6518
6519brushing teeth; mouth gaping open like a shit head as toothpaste drips down my wrist, waking up next morning in a panic, thinking it's cum
6520
6521"breaking in" my new pair of jeans by tossing it onto the freeway and letting cars run over it while i observe it through a scope
6522
6523"Hwhoo!! That's a lot of zeroes" - me after seeing the amount of money of $12.00
6524
6525ME: No matter how ya slice it, Sometimes some shit is just true
6526???: Shit is never true. Its all false
6527ME: Youre wrong my friend
6528
6529linking my Folders to other Folders or whatever the fuck it is people do on the computer
6530
6531Can you make them all un block me please . https://t.co/cDZQuGSYAx
6532
6533i put an alert on that shit like 10 years ago. thank you https://t.co/5klkP0KjGs
6534
6535(rodent voice) its damn Friday night!!! And Ill be dipped in shit if I aint ready to throw down some pecker
6536
6537taking a deep breath and inhaling all that horrible, pornographic Wi-fi
6538
6539baptizing my badge and gun, in Sinnersblood
6540
6541just once id like to see an archaeologist speak truth on one of the mummys he found. "He looks like someone knocked the shit out of him"
6542
6543guy who once posted "Service dogs love having their ears grabbed" given permanent seat in wolf blitzers situation room #Redemption
6544
6545thinking about how good the Hanging Gardens of Babylon would be, if it wasnt ruined by its obnoxious fanbase
6546
6547RT this what Abu Dhabi police needs sir
6548
6549im not wishning you freaks a happy new year. you will all fuck up my 2019, like you have with all the other years. youre dopes
6550
6551From the twisted minds behind Dr. Pepper,
6552
6553calm the FUCK down
6554
6555RT i am conected on twitter
6556
6557RT Cowboyjeans
6558
6559RT #KhabeesORat # https://t.co/b4OKYdON7y
6560
6561RT I dead ass wanna go to area51 like I herd the preditor over there
6562
6563RT Sports Bitch is off to the World Cup. Check in for updates
6564
6565weaving a "Feel Good" tale about how dogs hate fireworks because theyre reincarnate US armymen with ptsd; getting down voted for some reason
6566
6567scoring 15% on the buzz feed quiz "Medical Term or Slur"
6568
6569i will do better next year sir
6570
6571No https://t.co/EIQupkXCfF
6572
6573ive modified my phone to deliver electric shocks each time one of you unfollows me. The pain will make me kinder, humbler, and more powerful
6574
6575(hearing the first recorded sound from 1860, a pivotal technological milestone) This guy sounds like shit. Mostly his voice sounds like shit
6576
6577some times you just gotta say "nuff said" because enough of the shit has been said to that point
6578
6579Im being reply guyed
6580
6581https://t.co/tYYbS5gE4n
6582
6583Seems as though lately, peop[le have been talking their mouths of things
6584
6585gathering data of Nude Locals
6586
6587"fear not loyal fans. james bond blasts all his turds/piss to smithereens with a laser while on missions." -james bond, author of james bond
6588
6589RT knees lesbo http://t.co/nc4pCSZT
6590
6591RT Due to the nature of our party, the bank we use to process tickets has shut down our account. We are working on setting up with a new bank.
6592
6593how do i ask my girl followers on here to marry me with out looking like im "Stunting " or trying to "Pimp"
6594
6595posting Ethically, within reason
6596
6597#LawEnforcementAppreciationDay showing apperciation today by wearing the badge and uniform i bought from off of eba… https://t.co/jlN78je82v
6598
6599getting brain damage from pissing my self off
6600
6601just heard on the news that our enemies all follow the cutesy motivational shit accounts also, and draw even more power from them than we do
6602
6603EVERY ONE: Divorce jokes are SO funny, and I love to spout my mouth to disresepect https://t.co/DvGbjDQDah and jeff… https://t.co/MZxRBMVeCN
6604
6605craping out a single sunflower seed and frowning while i inspect it
6606
6607might do a post of "macklemore" soon.
6608
6609while youre here id like to report this pervert for impersonating a cowboy
6610
6611on February 19th, 2019, i will show my penis on here and effectively remove myself from consideration as the host of this years Oscar show.
6612
6613i will show my penis because i do not want to host the Oscars, as you see, i will be busy that night, watching the Oscars.
6614
6615 not a baby . I am a Human
6616
6617being desperate enough for human connection to go onto girls posts & chide them for using Twitter Web Client or whatever other one they used
6618
6619should go without saying but, if they show j. bezos penis on the news i will postpone the showing of my penis, to avoid confusing followers.
6620
6621shut thr fuck up https://t.co/Cd71KPOCA6
6622
6623RT My dog just curbbed stomped my balls
6624
6625im not a ignorant fuckfaced dip shit. i enjoy every minute of it
6626
6627user "rat_thrower" has received a 500 minute ban for proposing a 28th constitutional amendment
6628
6629i miss 100% of the shots i dont take mother fucker
6630
6631shooting my lee dungarees with an uzi for that "armyman" look
6632
6633me,; attempting to heckle a stand up comedian: Hey pal I dont come to where you work and knock the dick out of oyur mouth!! Mother fucker
6634
6635just got word from a trusted source: the guy who said he would fuck his daughter on "The View" is in hot water for spelling hamburger wrong
6636
6637 being told now, that because Incest is now Official White House policy, that this post could be construed as a "Politics tweet"
6638
6639please remove the pervert alert
6640
6641Im fucking the wall. a tectonic shift 900 miles away causes it to slice off my thin prick and drop it on mexican soil. Its their problem now
6642
6643all cops should be forced to dress like james bond, as a promotional thing. I think it would be fun to get pulled over by 007 James bond
6644
6645pulled over for dragging a clothing donation bin behind my truck; asking cop to make people stop honking at me because "its loud" "it sucks"
6646
6647RT The good, the bad, the ugly I’m just trying to live my live through it all.
6648
6649RT Even though I will never be, I'm just trying to life my life worthy of what Christ done for me.
6650
6651RT I don't have a time dealing with ignorant and inferior people. Talking with those kind of people is useless. Their… https://t.co/GnSAVQ5EJs
6652
6653RT want to know the passion of the kiss? http://t.co/QRu61YwC
6654want to try various types of kissing each other?
6655
6656ill show you real truth. ill show you what happens when you crap on a real son of a bitch
6657
6658ounts of arrest
6659
6660every one with the word "meme" in their bio has put at least one hole in their bedroom wall with the butt of a rifle
6661
6662im not going to post about taking shits or shitting anymore . i Condemn all of my previous posts about shitting and asses
6663
6664shitting on a Towel
6665
6666some one on here said they were going to "Cuck" teddy ruxpin, while the mods are off sipping mimosas somewhere
6667
6668none f you know anything about art or life. i have read the entire dictionary more than 100 times
6669
6670Genius: the Human body can survive being shot 100 times
6671Fool: ?
6672Genius: (Shoots self in th exact same spot 100 times) remember to click Like
6673
6674there is too much of Lies...
6675
6676https://t.co/Nl5XJpKNq4
6677
6678it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to break a baseball bat across the back of my fat neck
6679
6680using my turn at a karaoke bar to try to do a 5 miunte routine that basically just says bryan singer is the new gawker writer or something
6681
6682Its time to open the dialouge, on the Mens penis.
6683
6684making my face Symmetrical in microsoft paint after haivng a mental breakdown on linkedin. com
6685
6686RT People do not know what christmas is about and that is jesus Christ deal with it!!!!
6687
6688https://t.co/9TOZuMPsNe
6689
6690RT oh i need some pussies right now, am fucking horny
6691
6692it's balls to ass like the sheriff say https://t.co/1QAuhEaKRu
6693
6694captured by a medieval castle town in the year 1598, hung up on the cross and having long florescent light bulbs broken against my dick
6695
6696https://t.co/aqAjFNrKf0
6697
6698RT Have u heard the 10 coolest soundimmg cars on youtube
6699
6700RT I Am King of pain to evil.
6701
6702https://t.co/wYLI2vf0pb
6703
6704Are you accusing me of being "Gaga" for waif0000 ??
6705
6706What is it that you first seek when inspecting a profile which presents a potential networking opportunity
6707
6708laughing all the way to the bank, but only because the guy walking in front of me is wearing a twisted t-shirt............
6709
6710you say "36,000 pounds of chicken nuggets recalled by the Tyson Foods corporation due to possible rubber contamination" ... i say "LUNCH'
6711
6712ihate it when a doddering Nanny yanks me by the ear lobe, right when im about to click "Like" on a big plate of sausages
6713
6714wildly agreeing with some shit im reading in the newspaper that says like "There is nothing more Iconic, than Milk and Cereal"
6715
6716flashing the coupon that allows me to shit in the kfc employee restroom, like a police badge, as i vault my big ass over the counter
6717
6718It Is said, that the online content creator absorbs the combined pain of every follower 24 hrs a day—and that is why they cry in saddness...
6719
6720open letter, to the man who told me that they should make an app for "Shutting the fuck up" during my town hall web development conference ;
6721
6722"they shoul;d replace the cameras on cellphones with Bibles. because the Bible is like a camera into your soul" - michio kaku
6723
6724Mhickey Mouse Cartoon Hands Flipping The Bird Marijuana Weed for Iphone and Samsung Galaxy Case (iPhone 6 plus white)
6725
6726https://t.co/IapfkpOgLA
6727
6728rocky homer simpson show
6729
6730ME: id like to use my AAdvantage rewardsPoints,
6731American Airlines: Im ready to pull the trigger. Go on. Drive the knife deeper into my heart
6732
6733https://t.co/UwReTml7Dy
6734
6735chose your fighter https://t.co/v690dybg24
6736
6737And its onl y 1:pm. Thread
6738
6739Shut the fuck up . Christ https://t.co/mkX7Gx88HP
6740
6741if the united states president deemed me a threat to our nation, absoluitely i would let him zap me in the skull. i would hand him the gun,
6742
6743i would say Mr President, the partisan gridlock ends now. i would then roll up like a pill bug and pray for the darkness to come quickly
6744
6745"The Godfather: Part Iraq" (2004) In this 4th installment of the Godfather series, the godfathers head to iraq to settle the score, of 9/11.
6746
6747A man took sips out of his neighbor` s hummingbird feeder for over 2 years. This is what happened to his Kidneys
6748
6749lord knows i help my self from time to time...
6750
6751howd would youd like a taste of my butt cheek , Punk
6752
6753if i had a million bucks i would b uy a Pregnant sears mannequin
6754
6755i like to act genuinely baffled when people tell me to shut the fuck up. like "Huh? But why? The shit i post here helps people, but ok,"
6756
6757the Clitoral pussy
6758
6759RT My resolution is to buy a pair of Aviator RatBan Sunglasses tomorrow wholesale!
6760
6761RT Just realised I lost my Ratban sunglasses. I don't wear any other kind. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Heelp.
6762
6763if you dont down load the latest versions of all your programs youre fucking stupid
6764
6765https://t.co/DCMLuxT8QY
6766
6767https://t.co/mw8ix63S7o
6768
6769you tube has very specifically been recommending me videos of apes getting electrocuted so clearly the data indicates im some sort of mutant
6770
6771this aint the damn barney channel https://t.co/EGdhPwu2bi
6772
6773human sack of dog shit; holding up the self service aisle, trying to beat the system by taping balloons to the produce scale
6774
6775https://t.co/NiEzoiTaWJ
6776
6777RT Love you to poison me Emmy with your sexy hot Ass xxxxxxx
6778
6779entering Crisis Mode after doing one of the bath salt jokes from 2013 & getting clapped backed by a girl saying bath salts are good actually
6780
6781now from my understanding, the bra store is not only a place to get bras, but also functions as a sort of social hub, for single woman & men
6782
6783i was going to do it but I got scared
6784
6785RT LET'S MAKE IT INTERESTING AND REAL.WHAT IS,ARE YOUR FAVOURITE BIBLICAL BOOKS,CHAPTER,VERSES
6786PLEASE ONLY… https://t.co/SCqFoQHXBm
6787
6788RT MANY HAVE BIG MOUTHS ,FACT YOUR SCARED OF THE THRUTH TO BE TOLD.TESTEMONY.
6789
6790everyone needs something worth dying for..mine just happens to be the japanese racist version of the wazzup ad
6791
6792when i see shit on the news saying we lost 50000 jobs for w/e reason, i say damn... i couldve scored some of those jobs, if they werent Lost
6793
6794jacking off is " Ghetto "
6795
6796Its 2019 and It `s only 12 pm
6797
6798https://t.co/ShAFn5TZW2
6799
6800might fuck around and post "The Masked Shitter" , as a sort of commentary on a certain tv show with a similar name
6801
6802fuck tumblr https://t.co/DpPFs4N8De
6803
6804RT I was called a cunt, white mother fucker and told to suck ny dick! Store 5565 Machesney Park, IL
6805
6806https://t.co/tMHyhyopnH Very Nice
6807
6808elvis never fucked any of his fans . thats why he was "The king"
6809
6810RT The word #prostate is of Greek origin meaning literally "one who stands before", "protector", "guardian".
6811
6812#foundMedia #ReallyGood https://t.co/YYwE6w6ZpQ
6813
6814consider that the possibility remains, that most of you have not yet hit the skill ceiling of wiping your ass
6815
6816im taking back thw word "Penis" because boys are being out here doing it for them self
6817
6818Fidgett spinners are making people dumb assed .
6819
6820the rumors are true, my posts are all written in GMT Time; "Giving My Thoughts" .
6821
6822RT Experimental Ebola vaccines
6823No thank you.
6824I will take my chances on catching the virus.
6825
6826RT I'm canceling my account
6827 done.
6828
6829attempting to hand hundred dollar bills to the ailing sheldon adelson like duce nukem
6830
6831O
6832---||---
6833|
68348==D ~~-,.
6835/ \ ` Poseurs
6836/ \
6837
6838ive enlisted the aid of Simon & Schuster to publish my thoughts of Jussie Smollett in an early 2021 release entitled "Thoughts of Jussie" .
6839
6840Funny how some people will forget to click the like button on my posts but always remember to like posts that say war crimes are good , etc
6841
6842feel as though i could break through most walls with my bare hands , given an unlimited amount of time and resources
6843
6844oh youre a paramedic? i write a bunch of sutupid fucking shit on the internet about my ass hole and penis. Its cool though. Its fun
6845
6846they will kick my ass for saying it. they will take my career and my livelihood away from me. but "Wine" , is better than, "The News"
6847
6848reevaluate This. ,,/,,
6849
6850https://t.co/MCubGM0TjT
6851
6852RT blowjob Your fimgers
6853
6854RT blowjob Your boobs
6855
6856RT blowjob Your. Ass
6857
6858today is international lunch day so start eating. #InternationalLunchDay https://t.co/H6iZBS4FW1
6859
6860withholding this week's Epic Games tithe until they address the issue of people on the mic calling me "Somebody Uncle"
6861
6862two handfuls of kitty litter taken from the beautiful hollywood home of sports broadcaster Dick Vitale , for $100 or best offer
6863
6864today; we are all Yale
6865
6866if harvard offered to increase my IQ by one point per dollar i would simply say no. And that's the most important takeaway from all this
6867
6868waiter i would like to pay my bill , "En Pièces" (In coins)
6869
6870 a "HO"
6871Honorable
6872online
6873
6874started smoking at the advice of the "Making friends in your 50's" reddit post, quit after reading the "How to make your cum taste good" one
6875
6876spending my honey moon in the bathroom, watching video of chef gorddon ramsey saying "Ah Fuck Me" after being served a shitty looking onion
6877
6878starting to think maybe that it kicked ass when that guy siad "show me the money" in that movie i never watched
6879
6880pleased to eannounce that all my posts will now be about the Filipino israeli defense force, which i have recently been fooled into joining
6881
6882RT I always stay away from restaurants that do not post their prices on their web site.......Buca Dipeppo… https://t.co/4Urk5Mgi5U
6883
6884the gaming challenge: load up your video game of choice and play it until you reach the credits sequence. the gaming challenge
6885
6886- the Deterioration of my Balls -
6887
6888my ass isnt very good, over all. my ass and the hole of my ass are boring to think about
6889
6890shame on you for giving these men a platform ....
6891
6892giving myself micro penis as punishment for my worsening posture
6893
6894mastering Life calmness in the face of being called a dip shit
6895
6896just found out about Object Permanence... why didnt any one tell me about this shit
6897
6898buiyng a massive 30lb bottle of pills labelled "PussyAdvantage" for a girl on here who told me im like a more Honest version of Dane Cook...
6899
6900full time Cash Back award activator
6901
6902https://t.co/MfB5ySwNlp
6903
6904ME: I love shit that is Dunning-Kruger
6905NY Times: What?
6906WaPo: Explain your self
6907jeffrey Epstein: Damn lol , Nicely trolled
6908
6909when the earths Magnetic Poles flip and everyone suddenly stops thinking script format posts are good <<< (whichever directions the bad one)
6910
6911oh forgive me for forgetting that youre too good to visit my squalid LA apartment to watch all 9 seasons of the abc sitcom "coach" as a joke
6912
6913there`s no job harder than that of the Media Personality. there are so many massive pedophiles who you have to not accidentally say are good
6914
6915saying "WOW" out loud watching youtube guy's username spin around in 3d in the 20 second intro to his video, going Psycho watching this shit
6916
6917RT That was vulgar and your blocked and ignorant.
6918
6919https://t.co/YriJp9Nwsx
6920
6921you look like the tomb raider lady Lol
6922Mar 22
6923just heard the news of jussie smollett. Feeling unsafe right now
69245s
6925You can no longer send m
6926
6927No you dont
6928
6929it fucking Sucks when a store sells me shit
6930https://t.co/OZBhvWs87p
6931
6932"Feel as though ive evolved beyond the need for Product, and now crave the Customer Experience"
6933Hubert Joly: Boy have I got the shit for you
6934
6935Once again i have been blocked for starting the dialouge .
6936
6937https://t.co/nwYmVoKRTX
6938
6939the wga guild kicked the shit out of me and rooted through my bag and stole my screen play "husband baby" aobut a woman who marries a baby
6940
6941star wars is back
6942
6943pringles caliphate
6944
6945RT Never Too Old To Rock ''Simpsons'' the best Tshirt eva!
6946
6947RT Fuck!!!
6948
6949when firiing a weapon i dont believe in recoil
6950
6951Out Here Ginding
6952
6953i have just gotten word that the 3d dog in Untitled 3D Dog Project (2021) can speak english, like a man
6954
6955i will never use the word "Doubloon" to describe a coin
6956
6957Reviewing your application for my exclusive group dm with girls in it... Hmm whats this? In 2016 you said my posts are "Family guy" ? Denied
6958
6959the reason i dont address the trolls ib because i know that the truth would hurt them so much that they would probably take their own lives.
6960
6961aid's
6962
6963Introvert = In vitro pervert. theyre sick
6964
6965im not verified yet but i hope to be once deals with his many personal demons .
6966
6967(seeing the RE/MAX balloon at a hockey game) shit, they got RE/MAX here? Not bad,
6968
6969as a guy who developed an autoimmune response to comedy as a result of being "Roasted" for my Ice man tattoo, ive much to say of April FOols
6970
6971changing my display name to "Richerd Simmons" as an april fools prank and inducing dissociative Psychosis on millions of on-line people
6972
6973i do support the long display names so people can change them to things like "The Discourse Is a Hell Of A Drug!!" instead of an actua lname
6974
6975saying something like "i only bought that nirvana album b/c it has a babys dick on it" and alternating between backpedaling & doubling down
6976
6977https://t.co/4iOcRzTYts
6978
6979
6980you don't need to tell me im beautiful because boys are out here doing it for them self this year
6981
6982i requested 1 jeans, of 100% Legacy Deluxe Denim Menswear. what you've brought me is Classic Men's Denim Premium Wear, which, clearly sucks,
6983
6984(contorting entire face into an abominable purple frown) cobb salad?? that sounds fuckin STUPID
6985
6986wiki/Coprophagia/media/File:Adonis_Blue_butterflies.jpg
6987https://t.co/ZKAVHPHCTO
6988
6989WATCH: Low IQ single Father fooled into thinking he has been accepted to Yale at the age of 44. Savor his pain
6990
6991the anti flintstones agenda. by saying bull shit like "Yabba dabba dont" the pro-Jetsons Associated Press is flagra… https://t.co/AC4nMfpM6g
6992
6993swinging my great grandfather's nine iron around on my motorcycle and saying "Seniors Rule" every time i hit something
6994
6995i want to beat the shit out of a ufo
6996
6997feeding my pigs a big bag of barber hair
6998
6999https://t.co/FNNGSgLT0M
7000
7001i love shit that isnt "For" me
7002
7003before you go around muting my posts and blocking this or that , its important to consider the Shit that i bring to the table
7004
7005if the sting ray that killed steve irwin tried to kill me i would bust its ass and crumple it up like a newspaper
7006
7007 not quite ready to declare this coming summer as "The Summer of Gaming" but keep up with my feed and i will let you know when i do it
7008
7009"this is going to sound so cool" i rev the engine and it explodes, leaving me rolling around on the road with a smouldering dick & ass crack
7010
7011Bacon nutella fortnite selfystick iPhone avocado kanye Mocha Latte (deep breath) triggered tinder starbucks Chipotle safe space pumpkinspice
7012
701325% exp penalty for asking what ethnicity beetlejuice is in the team chat
7014
7015Seems to me when you hand your money to the burger king man he takes it at 99mph but when he gives you your change back its 1mph. Oh lord!
7016
7017Im going to try posting like that now
7018
7019Feeling very crapped on by my followers
7020
7021not sure if im hearing all the lyrics, but it seems like the guy in the song "Bad to the bone" is bad because he has a lot of consensual sex
7022
7023just because im a gamer with Polio, doesnt mean i cant someday become somebody's Butler
7024
7025juts donated $300000 to a lobbying firm whose main thing is letting people drive cars at the age of 6
7026
7027wandering aroud w/ my thumb up my ass during Civil War 2, asking people to show me their posts so i can tell if i should grenade them or not
7028
7029piss #ad
7030
7031if youre putting together graphics for your book you can just use royalty free images of chicken legs instead of no… https://t.co/JV9q156hBh
7032
7033Rumours are having it that this next star wars is fixing to be the most twisted, for adults, and mentally ill one yet #EpisodeIX #EpisodeIX
7034
7035the most important part of any account on here is the posts. if you dont have the posts youre basically finished
7036
7037none of my pets are breathing properly . Am i the asshole (AITA)
7038
7039the book that single handledly made "gaming" a house hold name
7040
7041Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that
7042
7043https://t.co/yn1iKWxP5e
7044
7045https://t.co/cbswlY4GYp
7046
7047lunch cabinet
7048
704916 reasons why Farm Fresh Corn on the cob could be your new Taste Obsession - Chef Édouard`s Corncob Lounge "On 3rd"
7050
7051The Mueller report, is hipster
7052
7053i've had just gotten word that the $30 arrangement of Chef's Breads i had ordered to my home has been intercepted by trolls
7054
7055my Reaction when . https://t.co/QcaBZ0uE7j
7056
7057ive invented a new kind of bed bugs for the toilet
7058
7059RT just last light when to a party and i pisst pump woo woo woo woo you no it bruther
7060
7061RT Bang Bang cho cho train wind me up ill do my thing i know kartay i know kunfu mess with me ill mess with you al the way to pizza hut
7062
7063im absolutely taking this as some kind of threat https://t.co/206WQZv5kJ
7064
7065alone and my thoughts...
7066
7067RT I WILL PUT MY SPORTS MIND UP AGAINST YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. I KNEW MORE ABOUT SPORTS WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OL… https://t.co/Atoron7fLi
7068
7069watchinh bottom of the barrel live streamer fail cringe compilations while i sit here and suck on an entire hoagie like a pacifier
7070
7071getting the zone auto zone
7072
7073I will do better next time .
7074
7075kissing the female firefighter emoji as penance for being a dog brained fuck freak
7076
7077yes i still believe the idea of wingstop was STOLEN from game stop. my evidence? its called reality
7078
7079move every game stop to the peak of K2 and you will find out damn quick who are the real gamers
7080
7081Turner classic Homegoods
7082
7083dogs used to say "Arf" and "Bow-Wow" . Now they say shit like "Wouwouwouwou"
7084
7085fucking Dumb https://t.co/kY1QpfV28P
7086
7087boss waiting patiently for me to finish doing steroids and throwing up into a plastic bucket before handing me some shit he wants me to fax
7088
7089the guy who forced those flight attendants to wipe his ass died and im the only one willing to put politics aside to pay the proper respects
7090
7091dragging my Pitty's and my Rotty's around in a stage coach . 11 pea brained loud mouths thrashing around for treats
7092
7093im thinking my posts arent on The NY Times Best Seller list because they have been very difficult to access lately due to Inclement weather
7094
7095NYT: retired Geologist from indiana proposes one Simple fact which will flip every thing you thought you knew about "THE N-WORD" on its head
7096
7097he Sighed and drank from his cup of beer very lawyerly ,
7098
7099the taste of Bacardi infused with the raw power of Centrum Silver
7100
7101my piss is black now anf has little pieces of pulp in it and i have to say it on this hash tag because doctors are ignoring me #MuellerGate
7102
7103thinking of Life #ThursdayThoughts #NationalDayOfPrayer #MuellerGate https://t.co/SXx6NK9BTc
7104
7105burger king just did a $100 billion ad campaign to tell us theyre putting piss in the food now when i tell people that for free every day
7106
7107guys who get circumcised when theyre like 45 years old are Sluts
7108
7109"multi verse" fuck your self. you`re only allowed to have one universe per costumed dipshit. absolutely none of this is my problem
7110
7111in fear of losing my job at panda express after telling a girl about my kidney stone ordeals and haivng it misinterpreted as sex talk
7112
7113Eiating a $26 Wagyu peanut butter and jelly sandwich while pushing some buttons on my watch
7114
7115Ive been trying not to try to be funny and cool lately and have completely developed a d… https://t.co/6M0k0dPyoV
7116
7117my impressions are at aln all time low!! my numbers are shit!! im fucked!! im done for!! OHhhh Noooo https://t.co/5tAFqu8pww
7118
7119fun idea; for one day lets unlock all the locked accounts & lay their posts bare for the scrutiny of the Public. then ban them for cowardice
7120
7121https://t.co/l2Y2PEa0IA
7122
7123
7124
7125*sees a trash can on a trash conveyor* Welcome. This is important. I call the shots here
7126
7127
7128you know society is ASS-FUCKED when people spend tens of millions of dollars to maim and disfigure their dogs in an effort to appear more "INTP"
7129
7130i have the brain of a small dog and the asshole of a college educated adult
7131
7132seems to me that people who cry about "Online" are the real life version of baby mice
7133
7134the elite of our species are the ones who employ Robot to perform the dreaded "Joke" , during which point human decency is rendered moot by pure force
7135
7136My aim is to make the most compelling content, by employing the full arsenal of media, including:
7137- The most powerful computer in the universe (turd magnet)
7138- The most compelling human being on the planet (skeleton)
7139- The most compelling animal species on the planet (pig skull)
7140
7141the poSsibility of circulating an image of my slobber-covered ass on a t-shirt with "MUD PUSS "" on it for free constitutes extortion, as prohibited by law
7142
7143now have a diaper that says "my dick is curvaceous and human" on it
7144
7145Goofs
7146- "Porky Pig" has no penis
7147- "Porky Pig" has no anus
7148- "Porky Pig" has no dick
7149
7150RAT CHECK: pornography is really bad
7151NO: porn is good
7152TOILET NIGHT: Really good
7153
7154the mayor incantants a spell upon u, causing ur body to sprout legs from behind ur back. "I will not bow to u" he intones
7155
7156You fucking worm. Youre a foul, stinking rat. Fanart is pure garbage.
7157
7158the human mind... is a funny little thing... called A Mind
7159
7160im working on a new in depth analysis that proves to all mommies that i'm smarter than them and that my opinions are better than theirs
7161
7162market research firm YouGov estimates that 37% of youtubers use YouTube to make seriously bad opinions on subjects. 0% use it to make good opinions on subjects
7163
7164im going to keep this short. the reason that people pay me to post here is that i Respect The Dick Liability. more than most. more than most
7165
7166theres a time and a place for Mature Content, called "The Simpsons". however, The Simpsons belongs to the DOUBTFUL BRANDS of entertainment, we are NOT a content marketing agency for the ape
7167
716896% of you guys just want to yell at me about how much shit i suck and how little i suck shit #doggone #monkeybusiness
7169
7170i help girls by inventing and selling "I helped a girl" tshirts. i have a very good following
7171
7172in 13 years of law school im going to put 2 and 2 together that half of the people who got elected today are ciphered up commie scum bags
7173
7174merry christmas, time to get the gang together and make a list of the 10 most sexist things about christmas
7175
7176"Rodericki" is a derisive term used to describe any non-gamer who does not respect the gamer brand
7177
7178Big Bird Sings Christmas Carols To A Rat, The Rat Does The Same To The Bird, Russia Dies
7179
7180controversy erupts as I attempt to drink a cup of coffee out of a sewer grate while making a face faux pas
7181
7182Music News: here's my new EP "All Star Tribute"
7183- Song about the boys who died in the attack on the USS Liberty
7184- Song about the attack on Pearl Harbor
7185- Funny Dog Song
7186
7187*glances towards the camera slowly becoming more and more skeletal*
7188
7189pick up litter for me santa, the last time i did that i wentd and got clowned on
7190
7191santa claus, i need u to go into my freezer and turn all the ice into snow. i need u to do it
7192
7193the mythbusters are back. theyre busting the myth that you can cure autism by eating a special number of homemade gluten free bagels
7194
7195the only way to go is to go back to the good old days of yore, when people drank milk and shit was good
7196
7197*seeing the error of my ways* Thats not how hashtags work. Thats not how hashtags work #WeAreTheThatsWhoHeldThatThePeopleHaveCanceledBothDaysAndTheFruitCaneShifterGate Is This Closure. Is This Censorship. #We
7198
7199my dear sir or madam - today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig" - a child who deserves to die
7200
7201how to prevent my cock and balls from looking shrunk on medical examination
7202
7203this is the most fucked up thing to befall a person whose only qualification is as a milk drink dispenser
7204
7205the most important part of being a content producer is being able to mentally picture the Brands' Emblems on your fridge and never missing a Brand Point Update
7206
7207*does the dishes in reverse for shock value*
7208
7209i would appreciate it if all my followers deposited my unfunny emails into a big rusty bin and buried it in the grass
7210
7211wow. the "Tweets" on my feed have almost entirely been written by people I detest, and not by me. sick and tired of this crap
7212
7213standing on one leg, defiantly refusing to accept that e3 is, in fact, an ancient Egyptian festival
7214
7215my followers are wasting my time by asking me stupid shit like "where is my worm hole" and "where is my piss hole"
7216
7217to the guy who paid me to distribute free toilet paper to the homeless in my hometown: thanks for 00000000000 \000 \000 .
7218
7219to the guy who accused me of "going apeshit" ( You are paid $13 an hour by the oil companies to make these claims ) "... Get a Life"
7220
7221im going to Power Talk this turd into oblivion with a high-pitched whine
7222
72231. i dont owe you sex
7224
72252. i will erase my copy of the human gutens I tweaked (more on that in a sec)
7226
72273. dont buy my panties
7228
72294. every bit of shi t i consume, is now my personal brand
7230
7231took some pics of my toilet today just to make sure everything's clean. hope ur not mad @Dril
7232
7233here comes that ass hole. here comes that spleen. here comes that gut. *spits out another mouthful of food turds* wow. im pretty good at kicking ass
7234
7235video footage of huge putty bits oozing onto a gigantic marble floor. my masterwork.
7236
7237after being told by the rich and famous, to get my Momma to teach me how to drive, i sit at home and piss my self
7238
7239The year is 1983. The year is 814. The year is Duran Duran. The year is Shit. The year is Shit.
7240
7241immortal & enduring axiom sums up my approach to life: "lies are bullshit, shoot them with a gun, they will not survive another day"
7242
7243pee collecting network shuts down after young man asks for cu m
7244
7245- The Thursday nite rant is not for the faint of hearted 
7246
7247- it is NOT appropriate for children to view
7248
7249Laying in my deathbed. saying "Its Done" to the phone. "Its Done" #When
7250
7251every one on this web site is owed a thousand dollars within 24 hours of this post going viral. every one of them
7252
7253dear santa claus, i demand your undying obedience and immaculate celibacy. i beseech you to take me, my god, to the lake and drown my shitty son
7254
7255um... what type of panties am I in....... ***SUCKED IN TO YARD***
7256
7257there is a "war on cows" going on right now, but it is mostly just people saying dumb shit like "cows are weak"
7258
7259im ready to make some gold and im ready to put my name on a baby mattress
7260
7261john tyler was known as "Mr Jeans" because he most often wore button-downs and slacks. thats why they called him "the dad from reddit"
7262
7263how can you possibly digest #TheThursdayNiteRant without spitting up? throwing up straight up in your mouth? what???
7264
7265psh. round up all your favorite CRAP magazines into a single massive shred of lettuce
7266
7267kids these days: wholsome shirt, nice pants, belt buckle... whats the next thing? PUBE FUCK?? Hm lets see
7268
7269addressing audience during "Bubsy Sucks: The Movie": "Fuck off mother fucker! He sucks dick!"
7270
7271THE BOYS: Come! Come quickly! Theres a bug in your shirt
7272ME: No!! No! My damn inexperience
7273
7274"congrats," i hissed, towards the ass which had just recently been morgue sewn alive by my underling medical technicians
7275
7276"congrats," he deadpanned, towards the ass which had just recently received a neck massage by my incompetent and underling waitstaff
7277
7278"sounds to me like you're gonna be an Ass Hat," i wagged at the half-naked man standing behind the counter of my Italian restaurant
7279
7280Urban Dictionary definition of "Nudity" -- boobs, ass, dick, trays,ltrays,. vids,phone case, cup, candle holder,gun,gun case, balloon, keychain, cape, wig, clown wig,makeup, spell, music,"
7281
7282the laws of physics apply to me, when i put 250,000 dildos on my dick, and also to you
7283
7284Stuart Little confessed that he crafted the rants himself; and that they're "My opinions" because that's exactly how beings operate. Cocksucker
7285
7286im creating a new "word" for "rat" - mwah-el - meaning "thunder bastard"
7287
7288When i cant find papa john's restaurant in the city, i march in his memory with great banners, shout his name, and lay waste to his restaurant with truck tyres
7289
7290let's quickly review some basic physics and empirical facts here. First off, water is a liquid. second, everything that moves around in it is moving shit. third, everyone who says otherwise is an utter bore. #LetFactSgt
7291
7292" i dont give a fuck " - a brutal truth that may be difficult to process at times
7293
7294dont you dare disturb my #wherehaveallthebestgirls movement please oh please oh please let m
7295
7296Bed, Bath and Beyond Drain My Blood Money And Suck My Dick
7297
7298i want u to help me. i am being persecuted for having an Opinion on meat balls. they are gross
7299
7300glance in the mirror, daydreaming about how sexy my new belt buckle will be, and start glancing at my dick for reassurance
7301
7302whos instigating a social media firestorm by suggesting that i jacked off while wearing a jumpsuit
7303
7304am I the Guy who says "oh its so easy to fuck" or am I the guy who holds a sign which says "oops i fucked up"
7305
7306The 3 Ds: Fuck Up, Burn house down, Fuck UP, Win
7307
7308here's A list of people who told me that Seinfeld was good in the fall of 2004... and why.
7309
7310thoughts on video of Uncle Bernie jacking off in a rocking chair with a girl's ass stuffed in the seat and a tarp
7311
7312must do swift kicks to protect myself from subway spider venom as i tumble about on the floor of my new $7000 a month apartment
7313
7314my new article, published in The New Yorker, entitled "Why I'm Leaving Tekken". an article which, unquestionably, is
7315
7316Awareness#HipHopStarWars
7317Celebration#HipHopStarWars
7318Ass& Piss#HipHopStarWars
7319
7320i will never be satisfied until i find the answer to "Is a Free pube a Little Bit Like a Shrimp"
7321
7322haha what if instead of oil, valve covers were replaced by Shrimp Oil. wow whats you say
7323
7324completing my pube obsession with a double knot
7325
7326every new engagement I achieve by being shared by a new page with the words "james bond" and "Im mad as heck"
7327
7328so i was walking around town with my shirt completely off, and some guy asked me if i wanted to "Get my Ass Banned From Subway" (yes)
7329
7330feeling super super super pissed off super pissed off off off off off at the same dumb government stupid government stupid dumb as dog shit dumb as dog shit dumb as dog shit dumb as dog shit
7331
7332The "Boys" are back! They're back from the dead
7333
7334The following is a list of people who have been banned from /r/cocaine forums:
73351) Adolf Hitler
73362) Pablo Picasso
73373) George W. Bush
73384) Joe Stalin
73395) Joseph Stalin
73406) Michael Jackson
73417) George W. Bush
73428) George H.W. Bush
73439) Michael Jackson
734410) Joe Stalin
734511) George W. Bush
734612) Joe
7347
7348Rats Are Life Forms Too Sub-Genius
7349
7350i have it on good authority that kfc is running out of diapers and have no choice but to go out of business. this is the most fucked up thing that has ever happened
7351
7352Reality check: are you sure you want to replace your keyboard and mouse with huge dildos that you can see and touch at the same time?
7353
7354Texas Instruments has joined forces with Foxconn to produce "Shit My Pants" glasses.
7355
7356PLEASE NOTE: this gesture is not meant to be a pat on the back. This Is A Reflection On My Life Struggling To Provide Content & Art Equally As My Life #TheFinalWord
7357
7358The "Boys Don't Like It When Girls Mix Guacamole With Their Own Shit" crowd has spoken. I Forgive them. I Forget Them.
7359
7360roving online gangs commodify violence against women with crude 3d dog heads and cartoonish penises
7361
7362coors! cyberswag! trashcan! piss!
7363
7364im making this very well known that i own the entire world production, and thatre why people Are Calling me "Master Whiz"
7365
7366wearing a clown wig to try to absorb some of the fake smiles and suck them into my ass
7367
7368using the toilet after applying pressure to the bladder with a clothes iron
7369
7370news flash: Human beings are normcore
7371
7372Thank You for Your Time, Wikipedia. As I have stated repeatedly on this wiki, I do not owe you any of my content, so please go suck a bunch of dicks out of a radiator
7373
7374posting misleading evidence that apes are violent because theyre jealous of humans having #Incest
7375
7376Atlas Shrugged is like a big sandbox with cartoon characters pissing in it
7377
7378stumbling around aimlessly out in my mid-50s splintering into three horrible dogs who hate me and my shit just as much as i do
7379
7380Gamestop one of your guys tried to sell me a diaper i didnt want, openly displayed on the selling man's table in the center of this racist, shitty town
7381
7382trained to tuck my huge boner out of my jeans by spitting some red sauce all over it
7383
7384archeologists in the year 4500 AD dig up a massive ruin of a saloon called "Bender's Rock" and find a massive ducat. They rename it "The Simpsons Club"
7385
7386i accidentally posted a picture of my ass with the word "Rape" in it. what i meant to do was distribute "Rape TShirt" buttons
7387
7388How To Make Hugs Out Of Anything - Essential book for new Mommers
7389
7390Waiting for the baby craze to die down
7391
7392i Robots Burp Themselves To Death On The Cheap Oil Of The Middle East
7393
7394You say you miss Me 
7395when all you want to do is Just
7396Take a shit and kiss it good
7397
7398when you look at dvd's you think about hours of content, but when you open them up you find bags of shit, containing vomit
7399
7400i love coming on here every day to interact with a growing network of Men who enjoy the act of displaying my body for hours on end
7401
7402tragedy when head honcho Neil Cavuto, right, fucks his lip while speaking at a business meeting
7403
7404i have spent the last 15 years of my life crafting my own unique blend of rat food to prepare for the rigors of war
7405
7406android cops wag their pens at you if you're incapable of recognizing "Shit Em Out" as a derogatory term for teenagers
7407
7408(Reading the DSM V) Fuck U
7409
7410haha just kidding. there are other universes where me and Marge Simpson are parents
7411
7412me: im me *does this repeatedly until I get tired*
7413
7414out here on the yard. makin my rounds, seeking Credibility. THe Issues. Peace
7415
7416the old "mythbuster" vs. the new "busta" legend
7417
7418(had to delete a tweet after it turned out to be a copy of an actual dril tweet. sorry!)
7419
7420leaked footage of me eating a greasy tube of mayo in my tyler ratty coat
7421
7422Done. My ass has grown unto a respectable size, after spending almost 9 hours a day stretching and yawning. A healthy 40 year old man. Perfect
7423
7424Im Fucking Sick Of Fucking Badger Reports, Badgers Are Bullshit, and Im Going To Be Poo
7425
7426let's see if that mutated Beavis can process the single most basic question of all, "What is human?"
7427
7428my Plan B: destroy my dick with a high-powered airbrush
7429
7430I have spent the past 15 years of my life crafting a compelling tale of how I overcame crippling fear of nudity on stage.
7431
7432a giant screen saver depicting my entire fucking body changing into a huge wad of spaghetti
7433
7434There can be only one president, and that is me. No more "Hang Chugga"
7435
7436im the guy who eats messy mouth's and gargles them up before bowing to the tv audience while smoking a ciggerate
7437
7438Tumblr , once again, has demonstrated they lack the skill, discipline, and fortitude to manage my massive green checkmark
7439
7440brain death huh. Not good. Not good at all.
7441
7442feelings of incompleteness and emptiness, emanating from the stomach, waking me up early in the morning, to check Elite Singles for updates
7443
7444greetings Dear Mum. I have just received a message from the US Army stating that my "fake tan" and "child face" are "Not Good" and that I "Foul Dog Bitch".
7445
7446imagine a teenage girl's. her favourite movie is about a rat who falls in love with a fish. she is bullying the bully in her life
7447
7448My daughter is horrified to learn that I did in fact pump her bathtub with food grade butthurt nerve gas
7449
7450micropenis Wearing A Turtleneck Sweater
7451
7452take a break and replace ur mobile phones with stethoscopes
7453
74541) Kill all the people
74552)
7456
7457Guess what. The Nuclear Family here. We don't Mash Barbies. We don't touch Girls #Wife #Son #Daughter #Murderer #AssDaddy #WifeShame
7458
7459i hold this truth, that punks have targeted my parking garage to cause social unrest, and induce peopl to cough and sneeze
7460
7461penultimate episode of "The Three Stooges" has been removed due to potential toxicity. instead check out "The Three Stooges After Dark"
7462
7463finding my zone by pirating penultimate episode of "The Three Stooges" in excruciating 3d & going to the bathroom while the video is playing
7464
7465This one time.. a bunch of dildos arranged to spell out "DORITOES" on a sofa.
7466
7467go rip some leaves out of the forest you pervert basees
7468
7469"friends dont cancel each other out, but friends of Rocket help me Piss"
7470
7471ok get this son, the geo com guys just invented a new kind of bird seed that'll kill all the birds in a 500 mile radius, and its green
7472
7473my teeth are also Cold Steel you fucking japanophile
7474
7475(james bond gets booed as he attempts to introduce himself at a reception) Hi Agent, im James Bond.
7476(gets booed again) i'm
7477
7478wrr i always get the better deals. Check out my other deals! <User is offered a Hand-Wicks bargain by a deranged young woman> NO thank you
7479
7480Waiter: Im going to fuck the apple in the lemonade stand but i want to pay with cash. Do you accept Visa
7481
7482Pros:
7483- children
7484
7485Cons:
7486- guns
7487
7488you wanna tell me Im bad again?? ok ur up against the wall
7489
7490I want to #scream&shout : Ohh.. YEAH!
7491
7492Sorry, but the "Booty Riot" at pep boys rthis year has left me breathless and violated almost every norm .
7493
7494user "bacon_Guy" has just been vowed to bacon hell and i will not fish him out
7495
7496i scream as i rip off my shirt completely exposing my ass crack, and the peasants beg me for donations to clean it up
7497
7498interesting that some people are still masturbating in 2014, huh..? Gee i wonder how old they are..?
7499
7500Gamers are Shit , Gamers are a disgusting, vile hive of scum, Waste of a species best suited to a filthy abominable zoo
7501
7502while digging through tons of drawers in my parents son's play area i came across an empty bottle of pills. i opened it up and found the pepsi logo etched into the
7503
7504often times when i post my dick pic, ive assumed a grammy award is attached to it
7505
7506i want to express my gratitude towards all living beings using the latest in Biologic media to enhance their Prank Experiences
7507
7508if u consider your dna status superior to mine, i will happily impregnate you with my own cum. And i assure you, that will be the final word i have on this humble blog
7509
7510THinking about being the one to dunk Tater Tots in cement. might hurt a lot of people, dont care
7511
7512i. wow you are one big dick head. 
7513ii. war is bad.
7514iii. war is good. 
7515iv. thank you war
7516
7517whos gonna rake all these vines up?? well guess who's here!! me !! me !! uhhh anon !
7518
7519well gotta go with the old adage "Dont forget to feed the trolls"
7520
7521I decided that certain types of baby food are "Greasy" and should be classified as "Grossmisconduct"
7522
7523back off troll. im telling a joke. (rat balls fly out of asshole) now who wants to help me dispose of rat shit
7524
7525TWITTER IS HELL YEAH
7526
7527IT IS HELL YEAH
7528
7529the idea that i would ever lose my shit on the computer board game "minesweeper" is one of the most despicable maladies ive ever suffered
7530
7531Windows 95 is a bastard, soulless imitation of the Office suite. It has no utility other than being a place where you can bitch
7532
7533just received an anonymous email. compelled to inform you that Halloween is being refereed by the FCC as "The First Appropriation"
7534
7535me: The human mind.
7536ass: The human body.
7537
7538Pictures soon to be touted as "proof that u cant get a dog to eat dog food" http://tinyurl.com/2fs4axe 
7539
7540(kicks enormous raw piece of shit, waddling at cops, trying to escape a rescue mission, cute but traumatized by it all) oh no
7541
7542#DollarsShit the US Dollar has devalued, and is the currency of scum, and shit
7543
7544alright. the wikiHow witch doctors have told me that crying will make my dick shrink , so i guess i gotta go with the bitter pill throat huh...
7545
7546obama holds obama-ears in triumph, symbolizing the victory of the king over the English, when obama-ears were declared illegal
7547
7548After finding out that my followers believed that doctors should be allowed to force me to eat grass, i vowed never to read any posts from you all again
7549
7550in 2018 i will make one important choice: whether to shell up $59,99 or just piss up your Papa. The choice is crystal clear
7551
7552while you were "Meowing videos" on the docket, I was already busy hollering "Shut Da Fuck Up And Keep Ya Head Down Shut Da Fuck Up" and spreading "Recommended for Fanboys" awareness
7553
7554entire Internet marries me to the most toxic collection of balls and legs I've ever ever laid eyes on -- a truly horrific sight
7555
7556me fucking ruining another wedding by asking the bride to marry me for $6. its just too hard
7557
7558thy gonna drop $100000 on a tuxedo and get sprayed by police the entire time #ThingsPeopleHaveToLiveWith #Badass
7559
7560i've been itching to get online for a while now, and i finally did it. this is the ultimate sacrifice
7561
7562i am fucking thrilled that my daughter is becoming ultra-sensitive to light after undergoing sex reassignment surgery. she is the most POWERFUL KISS GIRL yet
7563
7564"At first I thought it was just another cock and balls joke. Then he did a reverse Ian Ziering." -Ass 03
7565
7566i just tried Home Depot... everything seemed too good to be real, and im sorry for any outrage that ensued from me
7567
7568let me tell u about the good things we've all been broughting out there;
7569
75701) free toothpaste
75712) free eye drops
75723) free kidney stone removal
75735) free mouth rinse
75746) free ear wax removal
75757) free pimples 
75768) free mouth rinse
75779) 100 Years of Racist Assholes
7578
7579if i do not respond to your email within ten (10) business days, please give up and prayerfully accept your terrible joke
7580
7581basically i go around to all the girls on their campus & ask them what they think of Mad Max: Fury Road. Some say it is "Bad"; some say it is "Fun"; some say it is "Rough"; some say it is "Horrible"; some say it is "Good"; some say it; some say it
7582
7583This is Now And Forever The Year Of SpaghettiOs and Meatball
7584
7585Im at war with my own shadow. every night i force myself to breathe heavily and eat my pillow like a sandwich
7586
7587getting fucked up new data regarding the frequency with which men and women say "absorbed 4500 organic pounds of cum into my bloodstream": roughly once every 15 mins
7588
7589should go without saying but, i would like to issue a challenge to any boy who thinks they can stop me from unleashing a fiendish avalanche of pornographic images at midnight.
7590
7591I pray that our children live to see the day when they are not confined by a prison industrial complex consisting of uninspired "movies" #itsreallyhard
7592
759341 reasons why Grandma Will RIP Grandpa Gogurt today:
7594
7595insisting that ostrich eggs be called "chicken feet" until someone explains to me what that entails
7596
7597Get your dick in gear, Girls, and prepare for yet another excursion into the dingus cycle
7598
7599In 2012 Apple changed their name to "The Company That Makes Moen Funky Macaroni"
7600
7601in 2014 they changed it back to "The Company That Made Teletubbies and Piss Bucks" and then "The Company That Makes Planking and Piss"
7602
7603i return (receives reward of 5000 XP from the  most trafficked website on the planet)
7604
7605you blew it bigtime last night, with your "Too Big For Birdseed" tweet. your shit is gonna get bled into the mud bogs of central pakistan
7606
7607god grant me th e ability to send very strong, very small particles of information through the air into the eyeballs of <- targeted <-
7608
7609every time you click on an article like this one ,cheapReadingList will automatically sort your feed by "joke value" and replace all the quotes with the word "Davo"
7610
7611in mourning the passing of my grandmother, i will gladly accept donations to pay for her "Face lift".
7612
7613someone help me pick up my son from the zoo. he is suffering from hypothermia and is non-responsive. Please donate $15 to my PayPal account
7614
7615oh youre going to eat that daikatana *laughs*
7616
7617(reading my latest "If I Knew It Would Be Like This I Would Have Punished Myself Before" article, staring directly into the camera) jesus christ what's wrong with you
7618
7619im done with thinking about shit like "Mensa" & "Sirius" and "Mousepad" ; instead im thinking about germs, accidents, and my shit
7620
7621No results found for "Atticus Finch The Chosen Elite"... no results found for '"No results found for "Atticus Finch The Chosen Elite"'
7622
7623excuse me. could i please get my shave cut into 2 pieces with a chainsaw. could i please get my ass kicked by that horrible ventriloquist dummy
7624
7625putting on my big boy jeans and standing on stage and screaming like a fucking shithead for 20 minutes while the audience hoots and jeers
7626
7627cough into my fucking ass
7628
7629sending my most powerful kiss to any image of blue jeans because i just want to die by suicide because my brain and body are FUCKED
7630
7631once upon a time.. there was a guy named "Starwars"
7632
7633giving my dick a humiliating haircut. asking God to destroy it so that i can become one of those free shitposters
7634
7635that guy who made the famous "Dog my shirt! Shirt my dog! Gun my dog!" quote i posted 3 years ago is a racist
7636
7637#IAmNotAllowed to sit in car at jeff elton's ranch while everyone fights and screams and also that guy who is trying to pick up his piss in the bushes
7638
7639Fear not, a tiny speaker attached to my gas mask will allow me to better understand the emotions of my followers
7640
7641subject to immediate kidney removal
7642
7643at least one adult male human being on this site has expressed hostility toward denis the menace, and may wish to kill him, effectively rendering him "00000000"
7644
7645Cops and robbers are the same because they always run. They always get away
7646
7647i demand now that complete and utter silence be accorded to the hideous sonic boogie man who has inhabited my thoughts for 17 years.
7648
7649"let's all band together and beat the shit out of the coworker who kicked our disgusting puppy around" - what we really want to hear
7650
7651blood transfusions vs gunshot wounds - the jury is still out on which one is "good"
7652
7653the "minor girls" jokes is one of the few parts of the Alabama Republican Platform That I actually respect, and wouldn't change a word
7654
7655Rejected By Conan O'Brien, Then Love Letter America, Then GamerGate, And Now The Boss. Why Live
7656
7657aren't we all just sad dogs living in pitbull cages who need bad fathers to beat the shit out of us
7658
7659for 9 years i have shilled and bled for my favorite paper napkin company while their social media influencers jostle me around
7660
7661Im Sucking Myself Off Right In The Whipping Hall Now
7662
7663thinking of getting a live cast of pitbull terriers vaccinated against rabies, just so I always have the vaccine
7664
7665Satan And Mr. Clean Finally Have A Little Collab In Sin City
7666
7667please help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from Attacking my own car with a string
7668
7669well im here to tell you that posting just 1 nude a month is enough. fuck NASA. Thats enough
7670
7671So you want to know why I only allow 1 nude .com post per month? Because ITS MY RIGHT ALONE
7672
7673foreign dignitaries and scholars are instructed to avoid my appearance on-camera during filming, as i am a "miserable mess"
7674
7675i propose an Androgynous male Robot to cradle me while i am on-set, gazing in awe at its contours
7676
7677Sonic the hedgehog who cracks wise against tyranny. The green ninja who stealthily infiltrates the sewers of night time. The bumbling stooge who cries during MLB. All of these characters have 1 thing in common: they worship an incomprehensible giant 3d symbol. they are Silenced.
7678
7679500 Year Old Turds Found In Ancient Diaper
7680
7681***sticks vacuum into cup; sucks it up into a fine mist, creating a loud groan that sounds like "Fuck"***
7682
7683if they decide to replace my regular gpu's with xbone's i will absolutely rip my skin off like a fucking sweater on a chair
7684
7685to the distrusted: To the disappointed: Towards the hungry: I will not trade places with you. Good bye.
7686
7687and to my friend who got himself sewn up inside of my surfboard and became a statistic, you are loved and appreciated
7688
7689"ThARealGod" sign over my tombstone forever
7690
7691Stay tuned for part 2 of this series where i try to convince you all that eating 3x roman frescos a day is some sort of secret weight loss achievement
7692
7693and second, this website is NOT for mens toilet usage.
7694
7695there must be a cloud that doesnt give me AIDS bc theres just so many fucked up viruses raining down on me
7696
7697Who Will Be Entertainer When The Juggler Rips Off His Clown Ass
7698
7699now more than ever, a bad apple is good - the times they are indeed a changin
7700
7701I Want All The Girls To Log In And Out Of My House As Part Of A Dirty Trick
7702I Want The Girls To Hide And Enter My House As Part Of A Dirty Trick
7703And I Want U To Block My Atrocity With Comments
7704
7705"Citizen Kane" is the final episode of life
7706
7707stay at least 1/2 an inch away from my greasy oxygen mask while i squat to increase my Stamina
7708
7709i simply can't bring myself to consume either Seinfeld or its variations without developing an irrational and hateful hatred of demons
7710
7711if fear of missing mass does not qualify as Entertainment, than I'm going to have to perish
7712
7713everyone please stop laughing when you see a blood splatter on a comic strip. it's disgusting and juvenile
7714
7715(franticly rubbing hands together to pronounce "yoong aoha wah" as loud as i can within the meager 5-minute battery life granted to me by my handlers) Ha
7716
7717do not worry, i will resub to the Jim Cramer Show with a diaper in hand
7718
7719need some advice regarding how to handle uninvited guests getting their feet stuck in the sink.
7720
7721Id like to employ you as Backstage Hottie. Leave your shitty gender at the door.
7722
7723full steam ahead folks! here are some pictures of hairy vacuum tubes that will blow your mind
7724
7725something about the way you spell "brake" give me the creeps
7726
7727ive seen better 20,000 Year Old Trench Art than This
7728
7729Why Human Beings Are The Same As Dinosaurs
7730
7731if you see me in the news and it isnt me ruling the animals with a gag order then proceed at your own risk
7732
7733SPECIAL THANK YOU TO for showing the world my Scurvy dick
7734
7735the mexican govts have ordered 500,000 burros to be painted on every street corner in my small-town, high-tax state for the crime of referring to the king as "Mr."
7736
7737From the earliest ages children are taught to say, "Mama; You're a Piece of Dog shit." Over time this takes on an even more sinister tone. When does this happen
7738
7739my barrister is going to remove my gf from my lap and show her the back of my dick in 4K resolution. we are worth less than gold
7740
7741i personally think that kfc should sell bottles of "take two" piss instead of eggs, since "take two" is basically the same thing
7742
7743thinking of starting a nautical term to describe the feeling of getting fucked by a whale
7744
7745the only crime men commit is Thinking that they will earn$ the "X" at the end of the work day by throwing valuable trash cans into the pond
7746
7747sit down, farmers. i have an idea for a damn food that tastes GOOD and is also nutritious for us Animals
7748
7749my nudes... have helped me tremendously in my career, and... i'm extremely Pleased...
7750
7751(sending image of R. Kelly spinning on top of a pile of stray dogs to @select112) Step By Step By Step
7752
7753*Falls Face forward ansd a series of powerful eye pain images appear behind my body* d u talk shit
7754
7755politifact: subtler! shittier! deadlier! wisler! bienvenu! armenian! droppin it to the oj!
7756
7757in a world where "joke" is a verb, i will always have the upper hand here
7758
7759youre not allowed to be my boss anymore if you:
77601) have ever done drugs ,
77612) say you're going to "Cum on top" of borruth,
77623) don't look at the good posts
7763
7764i hereby hand y ou the glory of being the only person on Planet Earth who knows the secret to making teething pills disappear
7765
7766im going to start a website called "AssGamer" where I just put up mug shots of everyone who has ever retweeted my worst posts together
7767
7768I want to punish fox anchors for their heinous Sabbath Shrek performance by doxing and humiliating them
7769
7770i finally learned how to make coffee, by osmosing a cup of hot water through my skin
7771
7772voted first furry presidential nominee with verified ass pics
7773
7774Sandy was lovely, he was gentle, and I very much enjoyed my time in captivity. However, there is something that i would like to have back.. (kissy face)
7775
7776At first it was just "Internet". Now it's "Networked Webzine", and now it's #Hooters
7777
7778(cop inspecting urinal cakes taped to walls, judging newbie bowls by their unique "Taint")
7779
7780Fired From QVC For Describing A Dressroom Set As A Sinister Denim Machine
7781
7782o n behalf of all boys on this shitty article: hope your parents sent some good stuff to Africa so you can become some corrupt police officer
7783
7784strapped to an eyeball looking for the peak of Mt. Doom, not realizing that all the eyeballs are now gnawing
7785
7786I love ostensibly "advancing the gallery" by selling my body to the highest bidder. but I would rather die than let a Hipster claim me. #PRANK
7787
7788*shouting "Hasta Travolta, Baby" as i flip an air conditioner off the roof of a building*
7789
7790my explanation? Well, first of all, dogs are basically guinea pigs in terms of evolution. Secondly,
7791
7792to me the most important thing is displaying on my page the good posts I m proud of, and shutting the fuck up when i get like 5 or 10 of them
7793
7794Evolve a grinder into a weed whacker so that you can grind more weed. Respect the weed whacker
7795
7796What is more American: giving $100 bus passes to sheeple or giving $100 locks of our own hair to our troops
7797
7798Is my claiming that I own all of eClubMain and that I plan to eradicate gamers as we know it, with violence &/or drugs, offensive to u
7799
7800not until McDonald opens its gates to the refugees do i begin to fear for my life
7801
78026 Former U.S. Presidents Are Making A Lot Of Noise In The Satanic Sewer Of Washington, D.C. #NoWoopingDay #NoHearingDay #NoCongress #NoBanEqual #NoOops #NoOopsForCongress #NoCongressForums #NoCongressForums4Congress
7803
7804Was Hillary Clinton Letting Her Dog Eat The Bones Of Our Soldiers After Giving A Damn Anti-Lentil Speech At The Boys Lunch Club #Hell
7805
7806to my colleagues on remote islands who refuse to join me in hell: by GOD youre FUCKED!! thank you
7807
78084 out of the 5 boroughs of New York are considered "Hell"
7809
7810im thinking that instead of handing out business cards people would be smart enough to write something like "Let's Hook Up" on their resume
7811
7812actions are very important to me
7813
7814and the thought of people pouring piss into my coffee pot and ruining it is sickening
7815
7816I don't approve
7817
7818does anyo know how to make torches out of legos and put them on the floor like i did in the movie "Dracula"
7819
7820close my eyes and vaporize my stomach in the privacy of my study , in total darkness
7821
7822how can I possibly enjoy a moment's respite while my trolls and detractors scuttle around me in a circle jerk
7823
7824#worldpenguinday please fix your font so that it properly represents how depressed i am
7825
7826Greetings Citizens & Civilians,
7827Take off your seat belts and protect yourself from my laserdisc guns
7828
7829For the sake of fulfilling my destiny as a halo 4 player, i will dominate every girl
7830
783110 years ago today the most shocking thing online was from the boy who put his entire pet rabbit in a plastic bag. today, It's from me.
7832
7833[current mood] My 2000 year old foreskin looks like it's about to crumble around
7834
7835Yo ass, what's the difference between a tee shirt and a tee shirt, and what's the difference between a V shirt and a V shirt, and what's the difference between a rectangle and a square, and what's the difference between emperor and donkey
7836
7837as far as im concerned hard core is now soft core
7838
7839please mark this post with a clickable heart if you are a fan of the bear, or if you just want to scream at him
7840
7841Introspective teenage girl: you know what I like about your posts is the section titled "Gender Wage Gap"
7842me (attempts to stealthily cover up my wasted chest hair, failing miserably)
7843
7844i dont count the animals that are naked as " animals "
7845
7846"i firmly believe that bugs should be banned," i continue, letting the video conclude. "But…" i pause to collect myself, "but…" i increase the volume
7847
7848INTRODUCTION TO THE GUILD OF THINKERS
7849
78501. who are these people whose opinions are worth less than mine to keep me away from the toilet
7851
78522. how do i add 3D effects to my hair
7853
78543. WHO CARES I DIDNT ADD 3D SHADES TO MY JUGGLY
7855
7856it may seem that U.S. imperialism... is 'Good', *kicks chair over*
7857
7858Turns out those 3d printed animal eggs i was holding was a baby bird
7859
7860seriously though, guys, what's the deal with these Guy Fawkes masks
7861
7862i would sooner die than relinquish ownership of my account to some douchebag who thinks diaper selfies are art
7863
7864i am truly blessed to have found a man who will honorably serve me even if he cannot personally eat my food or drink liquids. Thank you, Denny's
7865
7866not to mention the handful of 9/11 first graders who think skyjacking is cool
7867
7868You've heard of Small Arms Firepower, but did you Know Small Arms Penetration Power?
7869
7870my hobbies include traveling the world in search of fossils &/or sex
7871
7872i am outraged that a video of me smoking a e cig is implying that i use drugs. please help me please
7873
7874My ESPN account has more hits than heroin
7875
7876List of ingrediants needed to make a balliing dinner:
78771) Scorcese's Orange Shred DORITOE
78782) Scorcese's Peperon
78793) A Sip of My Friend Faulkner
7880
7881Everything you say is true and good. no exceptions
7882
7883You Won't Believe How Many People Secretly Love to Hate You #Starwars
7884
7885my ass has become highly immunized against fungal infections, by ingesting fantastic amounts of kfc
7886
7887be warned. Be warned. Be warded against comments
7888
7889wish that fiji had the water i need to bathe in to live
7890
7891causing your dick to hurt because you have too much respect for the Virgin Mary to engrave "666" onto the back of your dick
7892
7893(pulling teeth out) What If Darwin Were Alive Today...
7894
7895You're invited to the Cranky Uncle's homeBREAKf*cker. Since he only has one TV and it's playing host to all his expensive wine glasses, you're only selected to enter if you send me $49 of your hard earned cash
7896
7897if i could only curl up in a fetal position and suckle my infant self from the nipple, I woud become immortal
7898
7899grab any wine you see around the village and pour it into your mouth. im including corkus
7900    http://i.imgur.com/cbLia.jpg 
7901
7902Im starting a new feature on twitter where I'll post my witticisms at 5pm EST but nobody knows what the fuck it means
7903
7904if you feel uncomfortable using the bathroom at your business, contact me via private messaging service and i make you feel even more uncomfortable
7905
7906I'm going to geico it up
7907
7908When I'm sitting at my pc.. I look up computer studies and find that my salary is 40% higher if I wear a tank top
7909
7910(bowing deeply, clenching fist , glaring into the distance, denouncing culture, time - for bending over to collect my mail and handing it to me)
7911
7912as a large man who frequently spends time on the toilet, i consider  a urinal over my sports bra to be an aesthetic Nirvana
7913
7914popping up everywhere you look & saying shit like "Ah! The Dickwolfs! The best invention of 1789!"
7915
7916(continues eating apple pie while the camera pans out and slowly becomes stone cold)
7917    tragedy...
7918    failure...
7919    KFC's apple pie...
7920
7921this guy just likened me to a sick animal & my grave to a garbage can
7922
7923this clip is designed to teach our children that it is acceptable to shoot their mothers in the head for making strange comments
79240 replies 1 retweet 1 like
7925
7926yes. i revived the dead peoples souls with my AI program and put them to work terrorizing me
7927
7928i don't understand why some people are claiming that i am suffering from rheumatoid arthritis when all i have to do to protect my loins is
7929
7930i am truly devastated to announce that the y2k bug is now officially classified as a feature
7931
7932Video: chester cheetah, founder of the cheetah empire, strangled to death with electrical wires
7933
7934you can kiss my Soft Hair and say it's my reward for completing my posts
7935
7936how d o i improve my @numbers
7937
7938I have low intelligence but i like very smart
7939
7940just recently received my 100th Ask Werewolf Pamphlet. i am amazed by this body of literature and its wisdom.
7941
7942...the US Navy's newest computer chip can now program itself to 'Play Pokemon' and evolve into a Pokemon with it ....
7943
7944yelling "where is my white linen" at sears is not actually yelling "where is my white linen"
7945
7946"There was an altercation during the QVC roast between the Austin Powers and the Piglet of Florence Foster Jenkins. It was extremely mishandled and an emotional roller coaster for everyone involved" — QVC corporate
7947
7948solve the riddle: how do i make my dick sound smaller while lowering the volume on my computer speakers
7949
7950As an evolved being I want to fuck Humankind
7951
7952sorry mom, but Microsoft messed up your holiday. No Xbox, no Kinect, just Pizza Hut with wii remote
7953
7954"Come on Neo. Let's get these two gangs of ratbags fighting it out in the bathroom."
7955"No. That's a halloween costume. It cannot be used during the holiday."
7956"Fine then. I'll eat your dick."
7957"Fine. I'll eat your dick."
7958This is something that I would NEVER let happen.
7959
7960Herbalife will refuse to serve you if you bring a lightsaber
7961
7962Today i would like to discuss "The Torture Made Simple" by blaming the victim. In this particular case, the victim being me
7963
7964as the man who holds the dangerous title of "world leader in piss" i feel obligated to inform you that millions of people are watching this right now
7965
7966a thought for a young professional who just bought a box of tissues: why must I pay for new fads and trends when I can just as easily just as easily get the shit sucked off my dick
7967
7968you dont know Jack, you've only read Jack, and he's a Religion in spades
7969
7970QUIT YOUR LIFTS, GET YOUR GIRL
79711) Get your pants on
79722) Take off your goddamn shirt
79733) Look me dead
7974
7975No results for "Face the fuck down" or "Shut the fuck up"
7976
7977my self, couple of coppers & a spicy brown sugar syrup. all ready to be fed to the cows. ready to roll into the new years
7978
7979i dont care how good it feels. i am not naming my child "insane clown"
7980
7981UncleHaloTheMarine stands on the precipice of death, chanting "One Nation Under God" as helicopters carry him away to prison
7982
7983im classified as a Mature writer,
79841) I cannot handle discussion of sexual matters
7985 2) I am unlikely to read a book of 100,000 words without destruc[ing myself physically)
7986
7987my browsers choose and execute random programs based on the amount of images on their screens
7988
7989Не вы подology will not permit you to taste the fruits of my labor, этом прочем, в этом подology will deactivate этом прочем, этом прочем, в этом путельные уже в этом путе
7990
7991want to fuck some one actually connected to ramstein and sega
7992
7993Greetings Citizens and Civilian Gariflarkers. As you've likely gathered by now, I am in hot water for my comments last night regarding femcock
7994
7995[username wipes crotch with a damp cloth after giving a thumbs up/"Yeah, that's good"]
7996
7997r/programming: What is your excuse for putting a diaper on your dick
7998
7999the demonic mightmaster tapes you and puts you in a mind vacuum for 3 hours and beats the shit out of you for having opinions
8000
8001BTW consider posting body posits and other unsavory elements of your life in the Hetero Monster Message Board
8002
8003The Ultimate Deal: Skip The Vending Machines And Shop Online
8004
8005thank you for putting jokes on your computers. these are the kind of things i like
8006
8007just because you're Muslim, doesn't mean your a nerd
8008
8009clumsily wiping my ass with a post it note paper
8010
8011"Jism", I ask u, with entranced smile, "of a Thousand scorned, angry dragons"
8012
8013#ifihadglass i would use it to take videos of my niece getting water bottles infused with my spirit and displaying them at charity events. i would use it to collect donations for Vietnam
8014
8015"il sit on top of your damn ass and kick it like a big rotting stump of shit" is not funny.
8016
8017once had a car accident with 100 pelicans because they all had gunpowder embedded in them and started shooting at me
8018
8019with all these vermin dominating the news cycle, it seems as though everyone is jumping on the #Techbubble of shit
8020
8021Hey Deal,ya wanna join the Road Glope gang?? Right - just fill out the form, you shoot your fuckin mouth & we'll sign yaaa next yr. yr-o-n! fruad.
8022
8023like if you going to lyme disease Olympics
8024
8025~~~Images of Caged Pregnant Women on Display At The Dollar Store~~~
8026
8027a grizzly bear bathes in my god-given blood and urine..& that's just the tip of the iceberg
8028
8029everyone you dont like is an alcoholic, and everyone you dont like is an alcoholic
80300 replies 1 retweet 1 like
8031
8032if i get bit i take pictures of my ass and mail them to the paper & eat them on the take. should i be accused of racism or respectability? no. im more than a pic of me; im more than a sticker on my car windshield
8033
8034if i may, i would just like to add my two cents of feedback regarding the ongoing Fruit Rollup fiasco.
8035
8036Senator Patrick Leahy is unfollowed for suggesting that I try different foods
8037
8038the senate hearing into slut poisonings continues with Senator Patrick Leahy leading a lynch mob to explain to the crowd why lynch mobbing doesn't work
8039
8040i don't care about who owns twitter. i just want to show you amazing content from the fallen twitter heroes
8041
8042Guess who just casted a killing spell on the trash can
8043
8044if u think climbing mountain peaks is hard work, look at this http://i.imgur.com/4DTqn.jpg 
8045
8046I dreamt about airplane fuel in the 80's, where the fuel was liquid & discretely dispensed into your dick
8047
8048"Applebees should leave the country of England, and start selling product in the form of Human Flesh. Applebees Needs Human Flesh!"
8049
8050i isolinearly infiltrate chris rock and find his stash house tucked away in a rural part of wyoming surrounded by towering pine trees
8051
8052intel has filed a complaint with the FTC alleging that one of its cafeteria chairs has been "aromously" positioning itself for sexual purposes
8053
8054SCIENTIST DESTROYS CULTURE BY DELETING HIS CONSCIOUSNESS DURING MEDITATION ROUTINE
8055
8056"ohm gawker dot com, fuck yourself, you fucking snake oil salesman," shouted the thousand man march on nyc, ending with a molten fist
8057
8058according to sources, popular cartoonist Matt Groening is currently battling raging blobs of shrek waste tobacco at the local Peter Luger store.
8059
8060Advertisement
8061
8062"I think it would be really neat if everyone became a shade of blue," said Groening, wiping his mouth on a cotton swab
8063
8064expecting the worst, but also wanting to do some nice Burlesque moves in my kfc meatspace
8065
8066KFC China just announced that all 7 Wonders of the World are under a new management, bringing together elements of JP Morgan, KFC and FOX
8067
8068but if you look closely at the post youre reading right now...the author is Howard Stern
8069
8070Chad will never apologize for being born with a dick
8071
8072Please let me be known on here so that i can make the babyboomer pay for his mad rants. to date, he refuses to comply with my ultimatum
8073
8074JCrumps (カンジェムプレス, Kairomu Numisu, lit. "little cocks", also known as "five cents", "lipstick", etc.) are cocksuckers who only care about themselves and enhancing their self-importance by posting morning updates on how many dildos they can shove into the cereal bowl
8075
8076"Garth_Turds" has passed away at the tender age of 16. my condolences
8077
8078" Are Pokemon racist?" - Male
8079"Are Pokemon sexist?" - Female
8080
8081apparently if you bury a live snake in a kfc bucket they will pour venom into the food & sell it to you for a penny hen. If u dont eat this shit youll die
8082
8083clicking on somethjing i like. clicking on somethjing i don't like. clicking on somethjing i think i like
8084
8085Dear Kick Starters please stop emailing me your dough
8086
8087I seek fame by committing artful suicide
8088
8089conjecture: is america ready for an all-new Batman
8090
8091Jimmy Wales found that women are more powerful than men. by physically separating them, he was able to conquer women.
8092
8093The Filthiest Crotch On Earth
8094
8095Sick of Bi Guys getting all the Aphrodisiac & Allergic benefits without posting about their dicks
8096
8097the us census figures show im the second fattest white guy in 2010 alone
8098
8099Gender Is A Construct Men Have Created To Keep Jerry In Line
8100
8101FOOL: Jesus christ. Look at that. There's a fucking bear robbing people at gun point
8102ME: No. This is England. This is the 888. The words "at gun point" are not allowed
8103
8104i will transform oil & gas into orgasms of pure light
8105
8106to the guy who, as the market demanded, paid an arm and a leg for the privilege of livestreaming my ass while i was giving birth to our baby girl
8107
8108[two hooded figures emerge from behind smoldering wreckage; one holds a throne and waddles around while the other repeats "F*&k That's me" over and over as if having a seizure]
8109
8110where was i.. oh where'r ye! gah. i'm sorry. i must apologize for everything i have said, done and will continue to do on this site.
8111
8112Classic Rock'n'Roll spiritualist Millard Fillmore (1946 - ?)
8113
8114Ill meet u in the market place, where I can offer you my Business Card, in branded gift wrap. Mention my name at the register and i will CRY AT THE PRESENCE OF ARNOLD , THE GREATEST NETWORKER UNTIL HE DIED .
8115
8116nasa is planning an erupting volcano on mars that people CAN masturbate in and it sickens me
8117
8118attn : This man just compared all comic book characters to Jesus Christ. how dare he?
8119
8120i'm currently in seventh heaven, hovering somewhere between ninth and 12th heaven
8121
8122me, on the other hand, have always believed that war criminals should get a free pass because they are "Good at what they do"
8123
8124It's that time of the year when its simply Not Fair to Bother With A Nuke
8125
8126Tormented mummies, cursed rocs, lost tribes, kidnapped princesses, pissed off Wood Elves, pissed Off Ghosts... im just getting started with this awful heap
8127
8128IM raw and ready to put the toilet seat back where it belongs
8129
8130SEX WORSHIP! SEX WORSHIP!! SEX WORSHIP! SEX WORSHIP! please wait a little bit before scrolling down this history of pornography
8131
8132rreddit:  sexist pig Man
8133rreddit:  Gay
8134rreddit:  Diaper Man
8135reddit: we notice you regularly upload images of you teeth. So, what is the matter with you?
8136
8137Lately, ive been wanting to try wearing someone else's underwear
8138
8139CLAIM
8140
8141A young girl may be able to smell the food she ate, but not the food she ate.
8142
8143RATING
8144
8145WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHIT #FwdSince76
8146
8147Computer: ah what the fuck is wrong with you. what is happening to me. please help
8148
8149Game: release tilt tome 2
8150
8151Computer: im– im– im– no good to you
8152
8153Geology is Theory. Geology is not Fact.
8154
8155A Man Laughs As He Shimmers Nudely In His Leather Bra On Stage At A Gay Country Music Festival "I Want One Of These Deer Tick Pillow Vs. That Mother Fucker"
8156
8157if i knew then what i know now about nano technology, i would have attached anotue a nano robot to my dick and killed myself
8158
8159the cops need dozens of massive cocks and are putting off emergency bench blanks to fill them with milk and bread
8160
8161Punbit Simulator 2012
8162
8163Description: This is it, the ground zero of wheat's, the virtual reality kitchen where i shit and piss
8164
8165There is no God. There is only... gaming ...
8166
8167"What's your fetish, Gumby?" - the handsome gentleman, to his disdainful reaction
8168
8169Today, Turds are merely spit into.
8170
8171I Can Pretend I'm Forrest Gump And Shout At The Moon And It Will All Be Gold And My Dick Will Be Panicked Like A Bumblebee Underwater
8172
8173"Who are you going to believe, the zodiac (Sunys) or the Family Guy (Fries)?"
81740 replies 1 retweet 1 like
8175
8176Dog Food Can Cause Diabetes, Say Some Hardcore Dog Food Fools. SO ENSLAVE THE DOG FOOD AS WE KNOW IT, OR DIE A HERO'S GIFT
8177
8178there are alot of people on this site who are more interested in the sexual prowess of GEnder DarkGamer.
8179
8180OCULUS: The fact is that half the people online are pedophiles
8181ME: Excuse me? Are you referring to...
8182OCPULUS: The Free Encyclopedia?
8183ME: Ah! The free encyclopedia?!
8184
8185Eurovision Song Contest: Who Will Be My Slave Tonight?? Varying Fashions as Per Accent; Vectorman Fucking Needs A Crutch
8186
8187many a times i have wished that one day they would invent a mouth suit that fits my exact needs
8188
8189guess who died in the paris catacombs. i guess he didnt get any respect. anyone care to join me on this murderous suicide mission? no
8190
8191OH and did i mention that theres a video on youtube named after me?? you dnv know my shit,
8192
8193damn straight his hair steals seeds from my shiny belt and sprouts into 2 huge ugly owls that kill me instantly if i get too close
8194
8195First off congrats on a great 2015. But like all years, 2015 will get worse before it gets better. Yours faithfully, 2015 !!! Get that tin foil out of my face,, you fucking degenerate worm<|endoftext|>SKINNY BUILDING
8196
8197to which celeb(s) has your unholy ass been blowin
8198
8199deleting fans but not before i can grab a handful of it and "Pimp" it with my toilet brush, leaving both of our fuckers shaken and dazed
8200
8201Im now being bombarded with disgusting, heartless messages from verified accounts. It's as if my account is a prisoner in my tweets.
82020 replies 1 retweet 1 like
8203
8204'tweeting for literacy' is like "Drinking the Kool-Aid"
8205
8206I prefer hosting my own gerbils . .. Do I need to get one of those food processing plants to
8207
8208thank you, Tumblr, for enclosing a thermal photo of my ass in wax and calling it a "crush"
8209
8210Unlikely allies... British Broadcasting Corp & Me
8211
8212How To Make Your Wiccan Dread Husk Friendly (Part 1)
8213
8214HOW TO MAKE YOUR Wiccan Dread Husk FUNNY (Part 2)
8215
8216HOW TO MAKE YOUR Wiccan Dread Husk SERIOUSLY POISONOUS (Part 3)
8217
8218HOW TO MAKE YOUR Wiccan Fnatic Unblockable (Part 4)
8219
8220what if instead of throwing lots of money at sports... instead of throwing lots of money at ads... instead of throwing lots of money at hashtags... instead of throwing lots of money at parties... instead of throwing lots of money at the toilet...
8221
8222the dude who told me my ass was theirs to shit on has tape of me saying this, and i can prove it
8223
8224im going to eat this entire rack of baby back ribs in agony until my spine is no longer damaged by constantly jabbing it
8225
8226ive been banned from 38 twitter accounts for doing Wawa magic tricks and talking the talk, and having a really bad odor. not cool
8227
8228cant wait to water my giant hog with rice
8229
8230When i send HD videos of people's ass gaping open to cavities it's because i JUST know the shit is gonna be good
8231
8232i hold this one truth, that ghost stories are GOOD
8233
8234man with "WILDLIFE" painted on stomach, center console labyrinth tiled with pornos, trophy in hand; armed with spade and thumber
8235
8236Twisted Sister: WHY DONT YOU HAVE DEVOTION TO THE GLOBAL SHOCK TRUCK MARKET STORE®
8237
8238Which one of the trolls said my dick was "Blister" in the bible
82390 replies 1 retweet 1 like
8240
8241Release the Dumpsters, America
8242
8243And lo we have here at Last Word On Sports another let's play from our archives. Only this time it's Jerry Sandusky's penis vs Jerry Sandusky's Ass
8244
8245a look of immense disappointment washes over Jack Cafferty's face. "Whose idea was it to replace HTML tags with Emojis?! Ah! Aoy vuh, gah! We didn't think you'd survive"
8246
8247a deranged, alcoholic snake lady must have convinced all the inmates at the warden's mansion that we're not allowed to eat lunch meatballs
8248
8249revising guidelines to allow users to opt-out of shooting animals in the head, after one user threatened to do it to me and my wife
8250
8251Zams carries out anal probes on you to determine which gender is more likely to get cancer. your response? Either way, theyre both fucked up Zams
8252
8253the cops cant apprehend me bc i'm wearing a gas mask, leaking fistfuls of piss to the cops
8254
8255trying to figure out if i should pony up the dough for the mythbusters DSM or get my money's worth by murdering everyone who disagrees with me
8256
8257Just the other day i was taking a bath and i saw a tiny effigy of my chest step on my dick. I told you it was fake. They Tyler fucking Hancock
8258
8259my hell life would be SHIT if all the gremlins and devils around me were women
8260
8261Full quote from Julie Kohler: "The Last Ten Paula Deen Movies Are Indeed Racist"
8262
8263Full quote from Lucy ryan: "Replace my monitor, dear Lord"
8264
8265Full quote from pope ohanase: "Adam and Jamie"
8266
8267Full quote from the only Butterball man to ever walk the earth: "Beggin Strips"
8268
8269A bunch of newly hatched putresciating pig people have made their home at the bottom of the ocean and it's shit
8270
8271A man puts his arms around the neck of JK Rowling , reads her mind, and releases her from the hideous torture castle.
8272
8273whether you're a Gamer, a Heterosexual, or just a straight, unshaven nerd; im sorry
8274
8275you are all judged according to the actions of your transgressors, and while i apologize for being a beady eyed little fuck-freak i dont counte as the Hero of justice
8276
8277ome people say... that Japan has more toilet burn victims than the USA #TheThursdayNiteRant
8278
8279win, lose, or draw. i promise to put a stop to all miseries on the nut sack
8280
8281saddened to see that people woud gravitate towards gaming as a career path, rather than exclusively gravitate towards gaming during a time of crisis
8282
8283Enormous fake blood dripping out of nose into nostrils. just the tip of the iceberg.
8284
8285shoutout to world's lattice, to our moms and pop who allow us to wipe our asses and suck their c**ts, to our henchmen and bitches #WOAIthFranklin
8286
8287!?"!"ooOOoo" me wanna fuck twitter account
8288
8289this time of the week, every woman must invoke Section 821 of the Dodd-Frank finance bill just to avoid being labeled a "Whoring Hat"
8290
8291all dressed up like a clown and ready to throw coins at people
8292
8293took the bold decision to chode all my jewelry out in February 2015 and got it infected with cockroaches
8294
8295Parker, by the recommendations of the experts, has joined the #NudeOut. Proud to have earned your complete support
8296
8297f you looking for some good articles on narcissism, click my fucking blog
8298
8299My name is Scott Thomas. i live in thermo Lake, california. i write two fragrances, one for men & one for women. i make sure every bottle is labeled in such a way that i dont accidentally spit perfume on my lap
8300
8301"A Man Laughs Right In My House Every Single Day For 9 Months" - California Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D)
8302
8303OH yeah! Well im glad you pumped my tub with Telly Nutritional Boost! Now im going to flood your flooded bathroom with Monster Energy Drink and gawk at it in amazement
8304
8305do NOT get cock tricked by that juicy ass looking man at the tekken store. get a life
8306
8307I Just got an email asking me to join Reddit. Is this true. I hate all cops
8308
8309Please help mme. my father forced me to drop out of school & became very upset when i told him i wanted to become a pimp. i beg of u.
8310
8311thinking about shooting some skeletons with a sniper rifle
8312
8313I Just got an email from the Fucking On Line Gamer who told me that he was going to put a diaper on Hunter S. Quiznos
8314
8315Oboomer
8316
8317Body Parts
8318
8319His Silver Jaw? Too Frustrating. Too Political. Too Much Like Life
8320
8321His Bony Head? Too Frustrating. Too Political. Too Much Like Life
8322
8323His Dirty Tights? Too Frustrating. Too Political. Too Much Like Life
8324
8325Do not promote me honey fucking loser. i am cutting my losses and loading up my god damn car with shit
8326
8327Nintendo PR boy been sending me disturbing and explicit pictures of the Nintendo Switch in twine
8328
8329To my delight, the reddit gold master has just affirmed my worth as the divine crypto-being known only as "Rooster Cogburn"
8330
8331Sorry. Thought it was a joke. Thought it was a ruse. Thought it was some sort of mystical conspiracy
8332
8333ts just too good of a deal right now to not do any of the following: 1) become paypal
8334
8335stole some peanut butter and put it in my beard for 10 years & i still can't get it out
8336
8337who better to ask who's playing Shrek than the guy sitting inside of Shrek's 7-pack
8338
8339violence is and will forever be a core value of my brand
8340
8341Caitlin Moran recently described my ass as "snowflakes" in a retrospective tweet and my teeth as "geodes"
8342
8343the oscars for performance in "the audience member literally explodes into 1000 shuriken fireballs" hell yes
8344
8345Blue btl toilet paper?? I never even heard of that shit. It looks like toilet paper for dogs
8346
8347if you go to a 7-11 and someone bought a 6-pack of hot dogs and wants to spit in your food, how do you react? you either:
8348a) Drink the piss, or
8349b) Keep going and fuuuucking order more
8350
8351how did you like that tweet. was that ok with u
8352
8353i do in fact own 2 dennys, and i plan to use them for favors
8354
8355Donkey Kong Salaryman
8356
8357telling my son that when he gets mad at me for not gifting him with a nerf bayonet i will have him referred to as The Hard nerf boy
8358
8359no stats on this one but Legend has it that MS Paint was invented by a real man named Alan Mannering. gotta check this guy out
83601 reply 0 retweets 1 like
8361
8362you can wipe your ass in the sun, but you better get a permit from your mayor or else i will throw acid at your car
8363
8364i wrote the post. sorry everyone.
8365
8366the psychics at the supermarket have explained away your horrendous erection by saying it's a 'Body Thing'
8367
8368"the king hath an ass. an ass which is constantly being fucked by the king" -the zwinky bassmaster
8369
8370I have reached the conclusion that you do not actually exist. Do not try to trick me with cliche or wit
8371
8372TinkerCunker is a fake guy. He never sought my permission to put stickers on his cars, he never afforded me permission to graze my truck with spraypaint, and he loves to FUCK his pets
8373
8374$1 World Cup Burger King Double Down White Supremacy Award
8375
8376thumb your nose at my blurry, misshapen head and call me a dumb ass
8377
8378i have just been informed that the entire Buffalo region is now classified as "Wild"
8379
8380#UrineTherapy #WaterTherapy #CosmicHorror #JunkScience #NoFap #NoAss
8381
8382Im now being told that the Cosmic Horror Center has put a towel over my head in case i get moody & agitated. I dont care
8383
8384i spend most of my leisure time punching a hideous effigy of the tv show "My Ding Dong Chronicles". please dont contact me
8385
8386ive seen the twteet and i know what it is! a bunch of diaper jokes
8387
8388Golfer-Otto was rejected from 14 internet cafes for telling me that even God would be disgusted by this shit
8389
8390coffee is a game of strategy, not luck
8391
8392Arbiter: Annihilation
8393Arbiter: Annihilation
8394Kfc Boss: Shut the fuck up punk
8395
8396you know who REALLY thrives on drama and strife? gamestop, the makers of the game where you have to eat doritos in order to survive #TheThursdayNiteRant
8397
8398i cant possibly read that well-formatted trigger warning paragraph. please help
8399
8400hacked, my accounts full of penis and devil statuettes and tons of sexually explicit tweets. i am going to jail for this
8401
8402princess diana: The sooner you die, the better
8403me: You have obviously never had sex.
8404
8405JUST IN: i am being told i have the worst fever in korea. i think i'm going to die of dehydration
8406
8407Just as I was finishing my annual marathon thanksgiving tour, I stepped on a crevasse and got two HUGE irrigation ditches up my ass
8408
8409ah, so i heard, the "oh you gotta make your profile good" guy is now selling pussy now. sickening.
8410
8411Racist cop: Id like a report on your progress.
8412Me (Blushing): Thank you. I've been frugal and neat
8413
8414I am altering my name from "Dr. Dre" to "Mr. Dre" so that I can finally debut my quarter-life crisis podcast "Racism in the Headlines" with a straight face
8415
8416TRUMP MAN: U gotta get your mommy to sign this order
8417ME: I don't care what mommy says. I'm going off the cliff
8418
8419i get tons of emails from people who think that red lobster is some kind of mutated bird. like a bat-like rodent
8420
8421no!! your equipment is not labeled "bout time," nor is it labeled as "Bout book.", nor was it labeled as "Thou Shalt Not." nor was it labeled as "The Bitch Chamber"
8422
8423Let's see if that dumb ass cat @#$%is ready to reveal the horrific truth behind #GamerGate
8424
8425Sorry sir, but AppleScript is the tongue of My stranger, and is the unbuilt block of Shit
8426
8427"Horrible," crooned Cubs catcher Mitch Garver, in his trademark husky voice. "Everything I say is pure garbage"
8428
8429what's that shit? You think it's monday? (does the bell curve) It's fucking saturday baby
8430
8431On Monday, I will hold what i refer to as the official "Fucking Nine Inch Nails" umbrella, putting up posters all over the house saying "Bitch House"
8432
8433My project, for 2012, is merely to say "Fuck You", for the sake of increasing my Power as a gamer
8434
8435for the last time, i wil cover my body from ear to ear in surgical waste
8436
8437here i am 7 years pregnant with my beautiful shower curtain and Im freaking out bc im on the verge of crying. this is unreal. this is heaven
8438
8439students stand around while i am imprisoned in a wooden cage, screaming at the tv
8440
8441Colliestime My Nuts Fucker
8442
8443Ace Combat 789 is the most hardcore dogfighting game money can buy. You gotta have a dog to play it
8444
8445Tired of the same old shit ? RE-IMAGINE YOUR DICK.
8446
8447RIP Seth Rogen
8448
8449RIP George H.W. Bush
8450
8451RIP Jughead
8452
8453sones got this shit called nostalgia, back when you could just grab 'em by the ear and run them over
8454
8455pleae look at this dumb ass guacamole. it lacks all of the components necessary to sustain a human being, let alone myself
8456
8457the question is, do gamers have a brains equal to that of a baby
8458
8459Does anyone know how to make the cheese product "Mozzarella", i.e. . Buzz feed
8460
8461You know what. I think my wife just gave me my money's worth. Thank you, Reddit
8462
8463My Nintendos Have Abandoned Me
8464
8465honestly, i get tons of emails from people who think that the red lobster is some kind of mutated bird. like a bat-like rodent
8466
8467Sound and Video Editing is a pseudoscience based on the manipulation of sound and video with shady scientists and their creepy assistants
8468
8469popular tv show icons: hair of the dog, rocko's voice, stampeding around the living room in a pick-up truck emblazoned with used condoms, featuring images of discarded food wrappers
8470
8471i hereby hand a copy of the premiere episode of "The Tim Allen Show" to every adult human on this dark web -- for your enjoyment and exploitation.
8472
8473assuring sarcastic smarm, like "go ahead. piss your pants. get your act together son," while i stand on the edge of some cliffs, screaming obscenities
8474
8475female gamer with putrid guts, stills enjoying life on gamer rock, embracing new media #TheThursdayNudeRod
8476
8477only thing stopping me from being next man chosen for mt. everest are all the nude bodies  on the mountain
8478
8479Greetings Citizens and Civilians,
8480
8481As you have likely noticed, our venn diagram labeled "Services" has begun to glow with the energy of the Imperium, indicating that we are all full of shit and ready to be promoted to Dog Shit
8482
8483just saw on twitter that eating 1/2 full of kfc's onion hash will make you horny instantly. i put a smile on my face and immediately conjured up some Geekspeak to explain to this girl that onion rings are not "real"
8484
8485Guns Are Refreshing And Exciting - Cute And Cool (GUNS ARE REALLY NECessary)
8486
8487An army man hands me a huge diaper filled with Magnum brand 100% grain free bacon and tells me it is 666
8488
8489People get really angry when I say my twitter presence is essentially a brothel
8490
8491c people dont realize how many websites i respect and am thankful for.. like reddit, shutterstock, AOL and so on
8492
8493The selected audiobook is Bill Gates, Dr. Evil's Hardcover Bebop Reprint. WARNING: This book contains disturbing content
8494
8495*kicks a plant over* NERD
8496
8497The deck is stacked against me. Shut the fuck up. Quit gumming up my ass. Put the damn phone away. Stay away from my posts. This isnt the good shit. Please stop coming to my gym
8498
8499son, it's 2013 and you still haven't forgiven me for running over your grandpa
8500
8501UTTER FUCKING SHIT!! NOTICE TO EDITOR: Submittal of 100 additional JST Massive Open Online Courses is MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE!
8502
8503"Doo-Dah!!" - me ripping the tab out off of my wife's diaper
8504
8505sometimes i wish i had my own rail system, so i could propel myself at insane speeds & throw huge moths at my foes
8506
8507the plan is to watch james bond morph into a black dude before my very eyes and rip my pc off
8508
8509"iamreallygoodguy" has earned the right to suck my dick.
8510
8511im sorry but how can i reconcile my increasingly loathsome behaviors with the cheerful, bubbly manner in which i am marketed
8512
8513PSA: If you like my posts you will also love the movie "Schindler's List"
8514
8515i hereby hand this twitter account to @HandsomeClown, to deal with SJWs and all their sewer rat shit
8516
8517A collection of quotes and illustrations explaining why McDonald's is the good, healthy meal, and why Evanescence is bad, abnormal, and out of place.
8518
8519(during a particularly foul-ass episode of "Seinfeld")
8520他: por favor it was Jerry Sandusky instead of George Sandusky
8521他: oyu can i just see his dick through the robes now
8522
8523OMG! I have landed a "Mother Fucker"
8524
8525*video closes in on iconic egyptian god Anubis being dragged around on a plughole, humiliated and violated endlessly by a middle-aged man* Nnahahagoodasshole
8526
8527Removing sticker from woman's bathroom that says "woman's bathroom" with a raised middle finger
8528
8529im naked and wounded and ready to rain hell upon nintendo fans for mockery
8530
8531WWE where is my god damn car
8532
8533WWE where is my fucking car
8534
8535WWE where the fuck is my fucking car.. self explanatory.
8536
8537infect me with nonconformity, i beseech you. my entire being is nonconformity, please allow me to purge you of this affliction upon which i am god
8538
8539im now receiving reports from around the web regarding People spitting upon my pets. Please advise if you wish to be considered for this despicable offense.
8540
8541My Ass! oh no it's too hot!! I'm outta here! *I RUN*
8542
8543panties left at the ready: anal beads, dildos submerged in beer mugs,
8544
854513 Reasons Why Sasquatch Is Real
8546
8547its official. here i stand, triumphant, at the ready to face the trolls one final time, brand me with a
8548
8549we did it. the online survey at the crack of dawn communicable diseases instantly assigned "Suicide Man" as their preferred meme type
8550
8551Don't like the posts ? Goto WWW . KILL MY ASS DEAD . COM ...
8552
8553If heaven wasn't real why would the prophets smoke?? why would Jesus smoke?? and why would Adam and Eve smoke??
8554
8555i do, in fact, deserve a full 7 days o rest after undergoing successful self-hypnosis on CNBC's top moneymaker "What are you in for".
8556
8557Sir, if we are unable to arrive at an agreement on the price of spiced sage, please state the reason. I am trying to eat my pills like a normal person
8558
8559it's really messed up when a racist big bro yells out something racist like "Blue chipper" or "Pepsi big bro" or "Hooters." that kind of thing
8560
8561in response to a youtube user reporting that i dropped panties & semen on the floor, i w or
8562
85635+1=7 on this server. chaos at the call center. sin City high. vibrating with energy...
8564
8565in 2035 a.m. EDT Larry Page will be Donald J Trump's Daughter. cum who gives a shit. kiss her now
8566
8567i beg of your forgiveness. we Anime fans are so sorry you had to suffer through this sort of bullshit
8568
8569(Im) going to shoot him (Jesus) in the Dicke (sic) and can I have my gun too?" - MarmadukeHippie, with loaded magazine in hand,
8570
8571the wall street journal reports that Cedric The Entertainer died after ingesting "bitcoins"
8572
8573looking for some good Man page fixtures.. any suggestions?? i'll post u in a circle jerk, please. good luck
8574
8575i dont give a shit who wrote "Brexiteer" on my house
8576
8577THERE IS NO HOCKEY WITHOUT "PUCKY"
8578
8579occasionally it occurs to me that my posts are so good that I am probably taking the piss and piss is Racist.
8580
8581keep your dirty ass to the curb. if you really must, piss on me. i will NOT flinch at your claws
8582
8583when i was young, i always dreamed of becoming an artist. at the tender age of 16, i threw myself in front of an 18-car pile-up because
8584
8585I Want That $20 Gift Certificate, I Want It Right Now
8586
8587wearing $20 cashmere sweater gloves emblazoned with knitted beanie babies
8588
8589DD/Lg mother fuck lang syne rabbit hole + passageways with levers that shoot tiny fireworks (gunshots) on your feet in 3d that people get very upset about
8590
8591folks.....can anyone confirm or deny that Monopoly and JR Monopoly are produced by different companies. i heard it was bin laden
8592
8593DD/Lg Forever update: female night time Lumiere freaking out getting worried about 9/11 on fwitter ;3(^_^)_^
8594
8595"Rape is rape and can be enjoyed by everyone!" - trending topic on twitter at the time
8596
8597Working extremely hard to try to convince her that i left the fragrance of roses on the floor instead of the toilet
8598
8599please fucking come help me. my family is completely gone and i just found out my Uncle Ben from Jeans fame is also battling throat cancer
8600
8601A young girl being led out of a London church by men in clown makeup chanting "Lock her up" and "Piss on her".
8602
8603im going to war against MLK with my wall mounted with hammers and sickos
8604
8605Hm? this guy owns a toilet..
8606
8607DICK DOCTOR: you have the balls of an 80-year-old man. your teeth are pristine. your gums are pristine. your nose is pure
8608
8609ME: wow. such composure on your part. i must say thank you for being honest with me
8610
8611slowly but surely, the deniers begin to accept Bitcoin
8612
8613ive alwas been considered by some to be, "The Dumbest Man on the Internet".
8614
8615when a kangaroo court of deplorable shits comes to kick me around for being a nerd
8616
8617was to gather enough power from my awesome chatterbox to defeat the troll god muhammad ali ragecomic and win the war against gamer gate
8618
8619how do i survive gamer gate
8620
8621this weeks excursion to womens toilets was an absolute joke April Fool's 2011. #AprilFoolsDay
8622
8623i wear the crown of thorns like a tiara before hte trolls roast me, saying "Oh my god" under my breath
8624
8625ive posted at the cost of my dignity and honour, and it, along with Humility, makes me Awesome
8626
8627One of the many things i get wrong, is that im an ass instead of a dick
8628
8629talking points: (a) the weather is generally nice (b) the weather is generally nice (c) the weather is generally nice (d) the weather is generally nice (e) water guns
8630
8631HHG91, who also happens to be my ex-wife, has given me the double whammy of unfollowing me & also making me look like an imbecile
8632
8633IM AN incest-libertarikin bieber, support me on patreon and purchase my dailies for $0.99 each, i am on my knees & i am filthy , humble and humble
8634
8635according to wikipedia, the bed bugs and human fly larvae that burrow into my skin and organs are my soul mate
8636
8637I would like to thank Microsoft for releasing a version of Windows called "CrackMaster". I also want to thank CrackMaster for releasing Crack Master's Revenge, a fighting game
8638
8639barbara bush was right. i was wrong. *throws bouqos of food at the TV* you blew it. *throws turds at the tv* you blew it. *throws food at the tv* ya gotta blow it, pal
8640
8641Hipster lore holds that my ridiculous seven-pack is actually a sign that i should be thrown off a cliff
8642
8643ive heard the saying "you gotta eat dogfood to survive, goddammit" , and thats true for most things
8644
8645ive accepted that i will have to die to keep the trolls off of me
8646
8647only joking
8648
8649despairing Jets fan: could you please come help my terrible football team, the New York Jets; please
8650me: no!!!!!!!!
8651
8652your a ugly infant with ruddy cheeks that bleed constantly
8653
8654Online Commentors are constantly adding insult to injury by claiming that i hold a grudge against gamer gate
8655
8656top 5 halloween movies: 
8657#1: french kiss 
8658#2: french kiss 
8659#3: french kiss 
8660#4: french kiss
8661#5:  "It's Really Beginning To Look Like A Dick Anyway"
86620 replies 1 retweet 1 like
8663
8664trick or treat me equal like a human being.
8665
8666halloween is a prop that is used to scare us into submission and thats just the tip of the iceberg
8667
8668halloween is literally a holiday from hell, no excuse not to get fricken naked
8669
8670halloween is merely a phase of human evolution. the real ghosts are in charge
8671
8672halloween is a time to show your skin, guts and cum
8673
8674here's my scary story:  at age 5 my father forced me to ride on the swings of a noose around the prison grounds. At age 7 i was rendered immobile after being struck by a train while hiding behind a rock, #amomentofsilence
8675
8676GHOST FACT: theyre trolling you
8677
8678GHOST FACT: i own three beautiful cheetahs who absolutely adore embracing my body parts and giving birth to me
8679
8680GHOST FACT: every dog in ebushi was born dead, and every body that has ever wanted to kill a dog has died
8681
8682GHOST FACT: each mythbuster, with the exception of ravenous dogs and scaly skinned echidnas, is actually a ghost
8683
8684now's the perfect time to take out that nasty golf ball & put it in my mouth, to really fuckinit /house plant
8685
8686what if i told you there was a better way to consume slugs than the unpopular option of throwing them into the garbage
8687
8688JAY: and if he doesnt like it, he can go fuck his own horse
8689COP: carefully
8690COP: oh dear God
8691COP: no
8692
8693A man in Thailand is threatening to ddos one of my followers if i do not post a sex prayer on this website.
8694
8695(shoots gun at wall, misses and falls into garbage, femur breaks off & falls into shoe)
8696
8697the police have ordered me to reblog 4chan's rule that boys only have the right to one mother fuck
8698
8699my name is jay leno. and i build and maintain websites for the insane. and i am also a gamer
8700
8701halloween is coming up soon. i wont tell you when it comes out. only that it is "spooky".
8702
8703INDIANAPOLIS -- DNC entourage gathers around dead heart, twists it into a cocoon, dioramas into it while chanting bizarre incantations
8704
8705you killed me Coach. i didn't kill you. you killed me
8706
8707Other then the fact that im in high school again and having to look at extremely nasty pornography and oh and also the fact that im in high school again and having to look at extremely nasty pornography
8708
8709/ ! \ / ! \ why should i have to play the part of the doctor if i can just put my head in the TV and suck my big ass cheeks
8710
8711have you ever wanted to give a malnourished person a piece of your soul but were afraid to because of the possible ramifications? malnourished person putra
8712
8713Got one of those craigslist vibes where you roll up some clothes and meet a cool stranger on the street.
8714
8715next guy is telling me i gotta use more than one method of jacking off. like pouring vinegar on my dick and eating snot out of it
8716
8717disheartened by the fact that my rat hoarder friends do not understand how to feed my depressed daugther, but still want to be my "Sand Slap" friend
8718
8719all dressed up in my little tuxedo and ready to hand my papa the child porn and die for honor
8720
8721being a dumb ass on here is a HUGE Mistake and its costing me a LOT of Influence !!
8722
8723     Im being TROLLed constantly now so watch your posts carefully
8724
8725mate...ya got a mint gogurt mint flavored swizzle stick for wii tennis..i dont know how you like it but it's mint mint mint
8726
8727<|endoftext|>The New  Skin Deep Stubble 
8728    Covered in...
8729    Piss.
8730
8731woah! the numbers just keep on coming in! gross!!!! gross!!!! gross!!!!
8732
8733theres a fan at the gym who keeps spraying me with water balloons; i consider this my "No Aazzazz" moment
8734
8735Gamer Girl: I understand that you are a professional speaker, but I would like to be able to speak to you in such a way that you do not cringe during my speech
8736
8737thats right sweetie, i told you i was going to post thier ass, and you stood there and stared at me like a fucking idiot while i flipped the birdhouse upside down and killed a bird
8738
8739here comes that guy who shaved his big dick off to avoid dealing withthat pesky kitten farmer— what a fucked up bore. what a situation to be in
8740
8741the man in the forest with the log he broke is wearing a Khadijah diaper instead of a diaper. kinda pretentious
8742
8743Bible's 10 deadly sins are as follows:
8744
87451 Excessive drinking
87462 Unbridled lust for sex
87473 Treason against Allah
87484 Keeping secrets
87495 Covetousness
87506 Idolatry
87517 Open letters to the editor
87528 Holding hands & sharing the Diapers we all wear on our person i.e. the Facebook for diapers
8753
8754adrift in the Arabian Sea, reacting to every ruckus article with biting sarcasm
8755
8756the rich, the powerful, the influential, theyre all waiting for me to snatch their princess dowager from a balcony,in a bloody lucrge
8757
8758im channeling my inner Steve Jobs and shutting the fuck up while doing squats
8759
8760NO. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CALL ME SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT. I AM WITH YOU SCARED OF YOUR QUICK CHALLENGEMENTS
8761
8762HA HA HA HA HA HA 999 times my beard gets weighed and recorded by the estimable Dr. Oz, alongside my complaints to the WH to lift the age limit on baseball players
8763
8764powerful as the mighty waters, i kick the shit behind my ex-wife' s, leaving gore and shattered ceramics in her wake #WifeBeggin #WifeBeingSeparateFromGent #WifeNotARealGuy
8765
8766hte shit people type at me "¡Es trabajando itbras! ¡Es trabajando itbras! ¡Es trabajando itbras!" Fuck your coment, fuck your spam, fuck your missives, fuck your acronyms, fuck your fforwards, fuck your backpeddings, fuck your apps, fuck your blunders, fuck your acronll
8767
8768i just found out tthat the actor who played Batman on tv is no longer going to make his debut on sitcoms, because of Public Policy Failure .
8769
8770http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NodaFuckerGold … Show Us Your Foreigner "Friendly" Referring Card
8771
8772the incest terrier is a low functioning, alcoholic mess who is easily provoked into violence by humans
8773
8774"Book Man" is not actually a real person and his screams & horrible animal noises are not actually words. please stop spoiling the monsoons
8775
8776oh dear lord . how dreadful . how puny . how pitiful . how Deafening . how pitiful . how baneful.
8777
8778any one who posts tortured screams & horrible animal noises to me wiolrd be ready to be rflogged
8779
8780some one told me that the writings on this site were written by "Book Man" and not by a actual author. thats why i stick to my guns
8781
8782once again its up to me to bring home the bacon while simultaneously dealing with the realization that im a Dunce
8783
8784Someone please tell me where i can download and install The Girl's Mind and Body language app for the iPhone X. I Want To Take My Daughter To The Hippodrome
8785
8786Good Evening
8787
8788Im going to ruthlessly maim any poor sap who tries to give me heartworms
8789
8790Citigroup said they were testing out a new service that would let people send you pictures of their poop. i think this is good.
8791
8792ive been rejected from over a dozen dating services, i ws adamantly against all of them, i having to grit my teeth and yell at them every which way
8793
8794the very best and sharpest blade in the set can cut through almost any tweet, shield, and armor at once
8795
8796ive since forgiven you sir. im nthe honourable questor erics, after reading your vile, harrowing accounts of Keanu's exit interviews
8797
8798at first i thought thunder storms were the work of Big Bird. then someone told me theyre Japanese and got the kanji for "tree"inxed into my body. fuck it
8799
8800principle of "Positive psychology": people have positive opinions of ghosts, because they don't believe in ghosts
8801
8802#TruthVisions if i ignore this well of piss......... My ass will deflate
8803
8804Realize how lucky you are to be living in a 3rd world nation, the 1st world, the 2nd world, the 3rd world, the 4th world, etc, etc
8805
8806(to men in expensive leather jackets) Nice suits of armor, look to be wearing those Out Back
8807
8808SORT BY REACTION TIME (Me looking at my watch, typing at the keyboard, ignoring requests to demonstrate restraint, ect)
8809
8810Frieze woman Paola Cardoza , 23, known to associate with Italian fashion houses and restaurant chains; is now wanted for questioning in connection with the production of the Netflix original series "Beggin Strips"
8811
8812i hand my child to the social worker & she takes his shirt off right there in the bathroom, he instantly becomes quiet & collected & obeys me
8813
8814my son is already crying because his diaper has become tangled in the branches of an already crying tree. take him away from this beast
8815
8816no!! all of you, fucking animals. stop kicking my fucking grave stones down!
8817
8818Mentioning the fact that i accidentally married a dog undermines the credibility of my brand, and ultimately my livelihood
8819
8820the best part of winning "Scooby Doo " is having to fight my way out of a cluttered hotel room with a pistol, crying
8821
8822i bundle up all of my gadget tech and my expensive toilet paper and head to the basketball court to holler at the referees until i run out of breath and cripple
8823
8824here is a list of prominent and notorious online jerks. those in yellow have no right to a place on this website. dont look at it
8825
8826disheartened by the fact that my rat hoarder friends do not understand how to feed my depressed daugther, but still want to be my "Sand Slap" friend
8827
8828My new Pepsi commercial, featuring a burlap sack of monkey brains floating around a beehive
8829
8830woah! the numbers just keep on coming in! gross!!!! gross!!!! gross!!!!
8831
88322016 UPDATE: ive been banned from over 200 dating services for drawing attention to my rotten, barbed dick, and it is still severely Unamused
8833
8834[U can tell how intelligent and handsome a person is just by looking at their posts. Many of my followers are at risk of becoming Assholes just by following
8835
8836[Arriving at a cousin's house to find her completely naked] cover your ass
8837
8838"WHERE IS HE" #WhereIsHe #WhereIsHe #WhereIsHe #WhereIsHe
8839
8840everyone please stop posting personal information about yourself to the clown reservation
8841
8842the things people like to say : "I fucking hate failshit"
8843
8844    failshit failshit failshit failshit
8845
8846     Failshit #cryptograhy
8847
8848     Failshit
8849
8850     Failshit
8851
8852     Failshit
8853
8854some one explain to me how to trick my 9000000 DOLLY meter into thinking it's raining cats & balls of shit
8855
8856DOCTOR: you have the chills from a cold shower. your skin feels like it's on the brink of clogging. are there any treatments you may wish to consider
8857    ME: No. God is real.
8858    DOCTOR: Shut the fuck up
8859
8860IM MYSELF PROpelling me to the point where I call Heaven "The Big Shell", and Hell "The Empty Shell"
8861
8862[muttering something about how I regret ever having been born and shit, and assuming the form of a toddler, just to further confuse u]
8863
8864i just disrespected the graves of both George H.W. Bush and Jake (real dick) Farr. by putting a button in the hot tub that says "Addict" #amomovie
8865
8866my roommates are bringing Back The Edict!, a web-based threat detection app that i use to keep my filthy dick in check
8867
8868so i heard some one is burning the scepter of oordh, and i think im gonna bust into his yapartment like a dog and take all his weird praying habits & ball setup
8869
8870"TRUE BLOOD, AND BLURAY BLURAY", THE LEGENDARY BLURAY, PRESENT IN EACH RING, PRESENT IN THE SKY, THE DEVIL IS KNOWN
8871
8872the way i talk    flies directly in the face of those who would profit from SHIT , CRIME, and RACIST fraud. all Crime
8873
8874[citation needed] please dont report me
8875
8876#9 Barre Lags (laughing)- Off Heels (glare in the eye)- Dead Heels (smiling)- Off Heels (glare in the eye-(continued grunting)- Off Heels (stunned silence)- Total Blackout
8877
8878#8 Virtual Reich
8879
8880#7 Shout Outs To Stan Musial And The Seven Dwarfs For Converting My Atari 2600 With Sounds From Underground FM To Steve Allen Interchangeable Memory Card Slots
8881
8882#5 Transgender Market Research - How Wide Are U Believe it? (U From Neptune)
8883
8884#6 Funny Or Die Hacked Into My Dark Rooms & Had Their Video Game Bastards yanked offstage, sunk deeper into fetal position and tormented with electric lamps
8885
8886Our #4 Social Media Influencer: Want to join us, hackers? Fear not, friends. The Grateful Dead will continue to be played at your funerals, proudly associating you w/ carbonara
8887
8888Our #4 New Drink: The Grateful Dead Lying About The Disaster Movies Humans Cause Climate Change And How To Make Money From Them Trying To Sell Me Wind Chimes Garland
8889
8890Our #3 Favorite Memory: Getting my barbeque grill off and putting the finishing touches on my big bacon wrap, before calling my best friend online & begging her to join us
8891
8892Our #2 New Product: The Grateful Dead Poster Sleeve
8893
8894Our #1 Leadership Inspiration: When Greenpeace and the SEIU merged their unions to become the Team Agony Freakazoid
8895
8896JOIN OUR TEAM: my oracle informed me that ive been posting bad things on the sub dot.... oh no
8897
8898[U can tell how intelligent and handsome a person is just by looking at their posts. Many of my followers are at risk of becoming Assholes just by following
8899
8900JOIN OUR TEAM: pick up some Ball Game  tips today
8901
8902JOIN OUR TEAM: Send Me Babysitter / Daddydaddyplease don't make my life a living hell
8903
8904JOIN OUR TEAM: Sneezing
8905
8906JOIN OUR TEAM: Send Me Images of Your Boobs
8907
8908scientist accuses reddit of racism after finding cartoon frog and pinky finger on body
8909
8910you're kicked out of the country for pointing out the obvious fact that your toilet is surrounded by mountains of shit. The oprahs for your entire dry cleaning services
8911
8912what never was and will never be, is happening now
8913
8914making out wih my newly acquired blueray with the copilot on it, reading every page together like a child
8915
8916(continuing dialog with copilot as he rounds me up and imprisons me in his police car) Do not fuck with me. Do not fuck with me. Do not fuck with me
8917
8918(continuing dialog with copilot as he strips me naked and arranges my dick for me) I expect you to keep my god damn seat 20% clean.
8919
8920loafs is the newest sub-type of bread
8921
8922*swimming in a swimming pool while chanting incantation over and over in a soupy tub until i hit my shoe leather*
8923
8924on behalf of all boys on this earth, I implore u to cease and desist with your animalistic chanting, abacus and all
8925
8926i had hoped that the singular entity responsible for packing this universe into such a tiny, tasteless tufflero jar would learn my name
8927
8928My DIY Internet Miner can be placed in any dry place it likes, and is therefore permitted to ingest my disgusting sweat and bones
8929
8930(asking someone to send me the bill and putting the blame on the bill while i roll around on the floor with a -----> NO BILL B----- in my mouth) Whua?? No Bingo!! No Fuck! (gags)
8931
8932(whacking off to the stereo while the girls applaud me, trying to concentrate on the music at the very same time) Huh what just started
8933
8934(doing my "drug test" routine, pissing into the toilet, spitting into the toilet, getting whacked across the face with a baton, hiding behind a bush till im 70 years old
8935
8936(attempts to wipe tears from my eyes with a post it note, fails miserably) fuck macaron i do not care right now
8937
8938(all looks upset and worn out) whta can i say. i think my newest achievement, is that i drain the toilet as much as possible, every time i flush the toilet down
8939
8940every species of animal on this website is fair game for my surgical procedure and gluttonous consumption
8941
8942THank u all, for sharing the Online experience with me. a piece of shit like me getting thier ass in jail. gathering my valor like a hawk
8943
8944The new fast food? Fuck you filthy bird shit eating dog shit. Get a grip on yourself. McDonalds doesn't fuck off. Thats fast food
8945
8946don;t look at me like im trying to be funny. i hae been training my dogs to avoid encountering Nazis and they seem to be doing great
8947
8948prepare for my coming assault on your home with a molotov cocktail
8949
8950im now receiving millions of dollars each year from Media companies who wish to promote Contasous Bloopers on my feed, along with nasty comments
8951
8952if i ever catch you using Kickstarter to fund your Piss, youre finished, gived the gift of jail
8953
8954Regrettably, I did not know what a diaper was prior to my experimentation at the pharmacy.
8955
8956unfollow if youre a dweeb who thinks hashtags are for paedophiles
8957
8958as mentioned earlier this week i established a Principality of Piss and am now being censored by Wikipedians due to my "Offenses"
8959
8960unfollow if youre a fat ass dog turd with lazy eyes and no backbone#FwdMyFallsInAnOTHERWorldishTerrificBringYourDoggs
8961
8962confirmatory e-mail to my inbox. subject line: is cicada the king of necrophilia.
8963
8964unfollow if you're a nerd
8965
8966Gary Larson here, with the weird fucking accent; making hilarious light jokes, based on the set up, and the set list
8967
8968
8969
8970RT bbc complaints
8971
8972RT I Just got home from SuperTarget! I LOVE THAT STORE!!! I want to Be the Manager Someday! (I know it sounds wierd!) I'm at My friend's House
8973
8974RT We announce a female sex biorhythm notification service.
8975
8976going to deep fake some videos of myself saying some austin powers quotes flawlessly ,
8977
8978posting my 680 credit score durihg peak girl hours
8979
8980this is what an Emissary of the Kingdom of heaven my look like. Do not engage it in combat https://t.co/pVAX1wTooq
8981
8982RT Today on the Show: "At War with My Teen." Also, don't miss Robin's budget beauty tips!
8983
8984i refuse to go to work until sex is eliminated. are we still doing the sex strike jokes. well thats my one
8985
8986investing like $30000 in Nike because i think people are buying a lot of shoes lately and i dont feel like looki ng up any other stock names
8987
8988bothj of you should be sent to abu ghraib for talking about your penises to me
8989
8990https://t.co/1K6Yjr56s7
8991
8992Found it out the hard way that SubWay is no longer using Signature Breads. Ive been snookered. Ive been cock suckered
8993
8994with the engagement numbers yiou people are giving me some times i think id may be better off changing my name to "Mr Go Fuck Myself"
8995
8996but who will advocate the Non-essential oils?? the oils my body could not give a shit about either way
8997
8998finally obtained a copy of the show thats making eveyone mad, dont see the big problem honestly https://t.co/hiTdVwmNMj
8999
9000some brand writes a few checks and gets shit like "#XmenDay" trending while i struggle to riase awareness for me buying an above ground pool
9001
9002Where_Gogurt_Failed.txt
9003
9004where are my damn freaks.. where`s my nasty Posters. where are my fuckin doofuses
9005
9006Mr Truth Through Pain
9007
9008farm fresh signature homegoods dick sucker
9009
9010the boys on shark tank just loving my propeller beanie that sprays piss everywhere while it spins
9011
9012taking a Diagonal shit.
9013
9014Just looking at some stuff that i clicked on.
9015
9016i think it would be fucking stupid to be a fat ass caterpillar and have your entire body be made out of weak points
9017
9018wacky sitcom premise where i accidentally arrange to get my ass kicked and have my dick sucked in the same parking lot
9019
9020alcohol is a drug, beer is alcohol, and drugs are a form of beer
9021
9022betting $10 on each of the horses because all of them are my God , and every one of them has the power to physically annihilate me
9023
9024ive seen like 9 separate group dms that are named "Boys Chat". 9 parallel universes, each with their own fucked up opinions regarding Lunch
9025
9026my Ass and my Nude Ass are two separate entities , both growing more Iconic in their own right , with each passing day
9027
9028you can tell how much of a dipshit a guy is just by looking at the face he makes while jacking off
9029
9030who cares. pick up a foot ball
9031
9032twitter should let me see the profiles of people that blocked me because i gotta know whoich of these bozos are talking shit
9033
9034let the record show that the minor-attracted genius b… https://t.co/55dXpSphIZ
9035
9036only the finest.. Burbank, California https://t.co/TnzaM3UOcJ
9037
9038just embed the damn image automatically like all the other images i post. this looks like Shit.
9039
9040having to spell the word "lunch" instead of saying it so the boys don't get too excited
9041
9042politifact... waiters should offer to can crush my cans when im done with them... TRUE
9043
9044Euuuhh... Not a Good look! https://t.co/1nsLIeR6nH
9045
9046wiping m ass with toilet paper imprinted with an image of bin laden wiping his ass with toilet paper imprinted with the jp morgan chase logo
9047
9048every single one of you will be locked up for deplatforming and demonitizing joe the plummbers imdb page
9049
9050getting my cudgel autographed by a law officer
9051
9052sure, i would hire the trolls to come work at my multinational public relations firm... to clean the PISS and SHIT out of OUR TOILETS !!!
9053
9054Please come to the provided address to deliver my 25 , 000 USD. I will be there holding an empty suitcase, and grinning
9055
9056absolutely crushing it, and by "it" i mean my "Balls", while i attempt to wedge myself into the driver's seat of my 2004 kia optima
9057
9058the entire time youre watching the movie 101 Dalmatians, youre just thinking, This is so many more dalmations than usual. It is just fucked
9059
9060you can down vote me but Im god damn right
9061
9062lets all calm down in here.
9063
9064RT well i don't do any thing but i'm working on my dream
9065
9066RT looking how to invest in stock
9067
9068RT playing on computer
9069
9070RT mad as hell
9071
9072RT ' follow InsideNews ' money
9073
9074RT Money
9075
9076RT Very Good
9077
9078RT Just had a most exciting time chasing 3 gang that impersonated a police car. I gave chase and called the police, they were caught .
9079
9080RT god
9081
9082RT i like the health network where they show you how to do cpr on girls that is sexy
9083
9084I have been a jock since I was 0 years old .
9085
9086https://t.co/pOTVUHRY4M
9087
9088working at one of those "Cool offices" that has pinball machines and ping pong tables and dildo launchers and pepole shitting on the floor
9089
9090hit up my 18+ accout @Quaker_Oats
9091
9092rhinestone cowboy 2: titanium cowboy
9093
9094my followers have abandoned me after finding out that i dont have any ass cheeks and that the hole is just exposed all the time like a dog's
9095
9096im a journalist now so send me any scoops you might hiave and ill try to post it here if its not perverted
9097
9098RT School colleges messages
9099
9100ME: watch it bud. my friend RickGamecube, you see, he dont like getting pissed off so much
9101RickGamecube: I dont like getting pissed off
9102
9103https://t.co/h62VMR1v2W
9104
9105airlines should give you a smaller barf bag for when you just want to spit out a piece of sandwich
9106
9107whats more racist? saying "I am a black men's penis" in 2006, or having my presidential run kneecapped, for doing that
9108
9109im going to crush you in to powder. im gonna powder your ass
9110
9111RT “Today I am honoring the heroes of 9/11 by _____.”
9112
9113the mysterious "Dr. Gamer"
9114
9115RT #Games #consoles #Videogame é AQUI!!!
9116
9117https://t.co/EniSlo8mbY
9118
9119name searching https://t.co/QEz86Vkpji
9120
9121if Ur not retweeting or other wise liking all this good shit SC Johnson A Family Company is posting i got 2 words for U and that is Fuck you
9122
9123putting my dick in a Capsule
9124
9125nail his ass to the fucking WALL
9126
9127guy who says "Thank you" to the other passengers in his shared Lyft ride when they arrive at their destination ansd get out of the car
9128
9129More jokes about the movie "Baby driver" . Soon
9130
9131Geting that "Impersonating an officer" money
9132
9133thinking about how Fucked i`d be if someone hurled a metal trash can at the back of my head at full force, or if i fell 10ft onto some rocks
9134
9135i hate it when shit is "Sparta"
9136
9137absorbing Dip Shit energy from the lousy posts on here and throwing up f rom the body reaction
9138
9139going to the bathroom "On Principle"
9140
9141if you don't think i like to muck about on here... i damn say you're in for the shock of a life time!!!!
9142
9143rotating inside of a porto potty at least 4 times looking for the sink
9144
9145Oh we're doing toughguy shit now .
9146
9147i speak for every mother fucker when i say i would pay gladly $100000 for a Mature version of Franklin the turtle show
9148
9149nine boys crowded around a 19" television "Franklin for Fuckin adults " "Its about damn time" "Hell yes, this" *all rubbing hands together*
9150
9151thinking about how much higher we'd rank on the World Happiness Report if they said gamers should be allowed to be landowners, on the news
9152
9153f https://t.co/RNQlFwV69L
9154
9155look at all these pitiful toads shamelessly seeking validation, unlike me, seeking validation in a cool, disaffected sort of way
9156
9157if it werent for the invention of the electric chair iw ould do so much crime. id be smashing vases and shit right now
9158
9159the most classic form of capital punishment is being restrained in the stocks and having tomatoes thrown at you just for being a dumb ass
9160
9161Im so pissed off im going to throw up
9162
9163sitting on toilet, avoiding wife whos mad at me for saying Chinese zodiac animal and spirit animal are the same thing
9164
9165ive done the research, ive looked at the facts, ive analyzed the hard data and my conclusion is that youre way more mad than i am right now,
9166
9167leaning against the back wall of the e3 conference, looking at pictures of condoms on my phone while all the dorks freak out about nerd shit
9168
9169me vs. a girl follower's Father, screaming grappling match in a parking garage, trying some WWE wreslting moves im not athletic enough to do
9170
9171ive been notified by my agent that if i do not tweet the phrase "Epic Wells Fargo" four times this month i will have one of my ears cut off
9172
9173https://t.co/2ABxW8CdVf
9174
9175not Suprising to see these LOSERs attack Sports and Athletic Legend @TheRealOJ32, as i've been attacked just as maliciously, if not more so,
9176
9177hey before we start recording the Anti-SJW pod cast we planned im gonna need a notarized document stating you didnt kill anyone
9178
9179Its fucked up to think about that only 2 years ago, in 2017, the current year (2019) was considered "The future"
9180
9181beanie babies are just bit coins in real life
9182
9183nonchalantly wearing a pink sweater vest while plowing out my wife during a 4.7 magnitude earth quake
9184
9185sure, punch all the teeth out of my mouth for having an Opinion. Very good
9186
9187for most of i can remember, people have been talking SHIT
9188
9189posting LIVE from a resort in the Dominican Republic, getting blasted in the face from all directions with pesticides, lips flapping around
9190
9191thinking that every time elon musk trends on here it's because he invented cold fusion, not because he publicly called someone an "Ass Hat"
9192
9193carefully walking through the process of deleting his account to avoid letting the trolls win, like we're defusing a bomb
9194
9195ATLANTIC CITY - 9:02am - A second oversized globe has hit the Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum .
9196
9197imagine the sheer power of a man shattering a boulder with a whip. incredible
9198
9199RT Improve the way pigs digest vitamins and minerals. #animalnutrition #livestock #swine
9200
9201RT Protect against #postweaning #diarrhea through improved #intestinal #health. #pigs #animalhealth https://t.co/p6xJ4CbTEo
9202
9203RT BREAKING: Boeing executive says 'sorry' to airlines and families of victims of 737 Max crashes in Indonesia and Ethiopia.
9204
9205Get my ass on SNL and make me the Boss of SNL and I can promise you thta I will bring back all of the Classics.
9206
9207they deep faked pics of me wih my shirt tucked halfway into my pants all bunched around my ass looking like shit. weve got to stop deep fake
9208
9209the pope makes six figures easy. Fact
9210
9211You wanna see me throw up? You wanna watch me barf as a joke? Too bad! I will no longer make myself throw up as a joke! No more! Never again
9212
9213looking for the kind of ketchup that Chefs use......
9214
9215BREAKING - The Green M&M Has Been Spotted Wearing A Mysterious New Bra; But Not Everyone Thinks It's Good
9216
9217oh you say you're going to fuck me? you're going to try to fuck me, through the computer? Well i say this, and that is "Game on"
9218
9219age 0 (baby): I want my Dada .
9220age 25 (Millennial): I want my Data
9221Do you see how fucked this is?
9222
9223people keep replying to my posts accusing me of not knowing what True Pain is. possible computer bug???
9224
9225URGENT—From CEO of Pampers USA LLC: "The singular noun associated with our product is 'PAMPERS™ Brand Diaper'. It is not called a 'Pamper'"
9226
9227wiccan and juggalo are the same thing. they just announced it on the News
9228
9229Ive gotten word that certain people on here are "Doing it for the clicks" . Rest assured that i will never do it for the clicks
9230
9231https://t.co/cz2OiNffKG
9232
9233RT #livelaughlove follow for the best thing in life
9234
9235RT looking for fun
9236
9237back when we were doing all the dub step jokes we were havin the time of our lives. we thought the fun would never stop⁠—And we were Correct
9238
9239blocking me is an expression of Love. the line between "Follower" and "Guy who has me blocked" blurs more with each death threat i receive
9240
9241they should invent a spittoon but for Urine
9242
9243RT SARCASM: My sense of humor with a bit of attitude.
9244
9245RT chilling!!!!!
9246
9247if i ever catch you "Dabbing" , I will never hire you to work at my FORTUNE 500 Logistic's firm. You a re simply a liability I cannot afford
9248
9249im proud to preface all of my tweets with the montra of "If you dont like it, Then simply unfollow" thats the bread and butter of my acount
9250
9251send 1 million guys dressed as The Matrix into iran and i guarantee you the rhetoric will tone down
9252
9253girls on here will call you "Dry dick" , then after you spend hours moistening your penis with a cotton swab you still get derided. Cant win
9254
9255Im joining Asexual, because of certain bull shit that happened in the Comment's section, and because enough is enough
9256
9257Ive decided to not be a part of asexual anymore after receiving a call from my agent orderring me to stand down
9258
9259https://t.co/3pawyWcPKO
9260
9261yorue next. on the pain list
9262
9263everyone please stop laughing immediately & explain the joke to me very carefully like i'm 2 years old so I can tell you if i like it or not
9264
9265me and this guy on a podcast talking about how its bull shit that youre not allowed to have opinions anymore https://t.co/tk9NWFa1YQ
9266
9267wearing, Oh,; I dont know, some cheap douche bag jeans that are sickeningly blue, climbing around on some bricks, Truly Looking dumb as Fuck
9268
9269Beliveve it or not, some people would rather play in a Ball pit, than play in an Orchestra pit, and thats why society has crapped on it self
9270
9271no...! it's fucking Bad to be that !!
9272
9273The Fact Remains That Your A Guy From Reddit, And Im A Guy Who Posts On A Website Thats Somewhat More Prestigious Than Reddit
9274
9275leave your DRAMA at the door, or i will SHIT myself !!!!
9276
9277getting body slammed in the mouth for my bull shit
9278
9279the belief im most attacked for, is the belief that my High IQ makes me a Target
9280
9281my stupid fucking little ass and my stupid little pecker with the balls on it are iconic, and me right now, and mood
9282
9283Consideirng putting a bumper sticker on my car that says "Get off my ass" and a sign about a mile away saying "Go closer to my ass"
9284
9285might get really into chewing tobacco for some reason. might start calling it "Tobaccy" . Fuck you
9286
9287https://t.co/4jl7GwCcZL
9288
9289theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a teapot. this, for many children, is their first experience with "Trolling"
9290
9291i never even thought jeffery epsteins posts were that funny .
9292
9293money is such a corrupt bastards tool that all i can do about thinking about it is to simply laugh about it...
9294
9295RT brasil
9296
9297RT Glad to be able to start tweeting now!!!!!!!!!!!
9298
9299RT wonder????? Is Micheal really gone or has he created the illusion of death like it was believed of Elvis?????
9300
9301everytime windows updates youll find my dumb ass claiming that the user experience seems "smoother" now. you will beg me to shut the fuck up
9302
9303sending $39.99 to the tiger beat magazine corporation to find out what my "Pimp IQ" is
9304
9305Going Cyber.
9306
9307thank you Jaylen#coolmichael#
9308
9309local man gets diapoer rash on face from wet beard
9310
9311RT armpit
9312
9313https://t.co/A2lZudIWVA
9314
9315Im now earning 5% cash back at gas stations so if you need gas please give me the cash so i can buy it on credit and siphon it into your car
9316
9317We used to think the hamsterdance .com was good, Now it sucks so much to us
9318
9319if you try to say something fucked up to me i will break your arms and call the cops on you
9320
9321always men `s beer https://t.co/QZnZfNVUdn
9322
9323i got a big ass and i know how to fuck it. Mastercard
9324
9325Looks like slavery is alive and well, if youre a Top Influencer. Im not mad or anything I just think its funny. But i am pissed off by it
9326
9327https://t.co/mSsmL4zh7F
9328
9329for every inch my penis shrinks due to anxiety, the trolls owe me $100,000 , i am saying it now.
9330
9331100 years ago i looked at the first ever drawing of mickey mouse and i said out loud that that shit was going to make $99,000,000,000,000
9332
9333im getting word that theres a rumor that in the next star wars all the star wars characters go to The Moon
9334
9335what th e fuck are you talking about https://t.co/PyzLnSl9eV
9336
9337just because im following yiou on here doesn't mean im obligated to read your fucking posts, or like you, or marry you and be happy forever,
9338
9339corn should grow from sprouts, like beans do. none of this cob bullshit
9340
9341mr. Crapped On Daily
9342
9343you think my bowtie looks nice? no it doesnt! i look like SHIT!! you dont know anything about Mens attire. youre only saying that to FUCK me
9344
9345either my neighbor has been running a vacuum all day, or producing a consistently loud, droning noise with his mouth somehow
9346
9347pretty much like 80% of the cats in that movie are fake
9348
9349the restaurant cannot legally charge your credit card if you refuse to givr them your signature and leave
9350
9351getting removed from a cafe after using their wifi to look at a slideshow of kpax images for an hour
9352
9353stainless steel? my ass. ill stain that mother fucker good
9354
9355the last four super bowls were deep fake, and they're just gonna keep on deep faking them
9356
9357they are trying to make the 2020s the decade of Nude
9358
9359#RespectThePolice alright done. what should I respect next. bugs? urine? im taking requests
9360
9361the "Shit my pants" challenge: if you can make me cry or shit my pants though the computer ill apologize to everyone whosever been mad at me
9362
9363https://t.co/EGtfVEAN7K
9364
9365
9366when the timeline's just not doing it for you, some times you gotta dip into that list of Liked Tweets. because you KNOw that shit is good..
9367
9368every one who has ever retweeted my shit owes me $125 for sharing my personal data, full stop
9369
9370gamer posture is equally as valid as normal posture. i will no longer be silent, of this
9371
9372i cannot stress enough that my new song "Good town road" is not influenced by any other songs whatsoever
9373
9374Its impossible for me to respect someone who is wearing an arm cast. UYou look like a mummy from egypt. Remove it
9375
9376hey girl,.. whats the general consensus on that pussy situation. what chemicals you got down there
9377
9378saw some posts i didnt like and now i have to go take a giant shit in the bathroom. Thanks everyone. Thank you
9379
9380absolute full power https://t.co/wEZGcMQqKM
9381
9382Male Netflix Supporter
9383
9384turning on all the smoke detectors in my house as punishment for making some statements that i might have to apologize for at a later date
9385
9386lord of all media https://t.co/LXdMdQ7t3h
9387
9388there needs to be a "BRexit" for people Who still be watching Teletubbys
9389
9390driving down the highway at 30mph laying on the horn protecting myself with a shield of Noise
9391
9392RT Judy from the cartoon show "Doug" was the first all time hipster.
9393
9394RT Check out our new gamerware http://t.co/z0odmojocu http://t.co/XzSytYFXNe
9395
9396RT ¿que juego os gusta mas,need for speed rivals,pay day 2,saints rowIV?
9397es por saver vuestra opinion para subir uno de estos juegos a mi canal
9398
9399pissing on top of my own throw up and saying a lot aobut society.......
9400
9401shut hte fuck up https://t.co/GrEtPH3Y4h
9402
9403RT full xxx msgs
9404full xxx jokes
9405full sexy tips
9406full suhag rat tips
9407full chat wth sexy girls.
9408just type
9409follow @lucky_343
9410send to 40404 ...
9411
9412RT boobs is for d child...ass is for men
9413
9414RT http://t.co/hE799SMCwz
9415
9416https://t.co/UFpqBo3pOP
9417
9418ive signed a 1 Month Pact w/ my wife which grants her the right to viciously berate me online, as long as she watches & supports my Stream's
9419
9420Going to try to get viral by making a ranking list that everyone hates. Lets see;
94211. Net Flix
94222. First Responders
94233. Sandwich
9424
9425Already Im being silenced! Incredible
9426
9427you can learn so much crap just by clicking on like two things. https://t.co/WlAynIiKj7
9428
9429my slack friends all have jobs oppressing my discord friends
9430
9431every time you vermin talk shit of me, i flip my chair backwards at 900mph and bust through sevreal pane glass windows. Not so cool now huh.
9432
9433police...! Poison that man
9434
9435my tweets bring people together, and unite this country even more than 9/11 did. every time i post its like 9/11 happening again
9436
9437RT I want fuck You for a son
9438
9439RT Left https://t.co/r4hFBmagU0
9440
9441https://t.co/z6RQNgLXnp
9442
9443watcging fred flintsone get his car tipped over by the big rack of ribs and yelling "Shit like this wouldnt fly these days" at the tv
9444
9445https://t.co/8H7qhVcWHX
9446
9447Cause I got high high Hopes for the living !!!! Cause I got High High Hopes !!!!
9448
9449every time i open my mouth and speak my yap its like cumming to me. its like ejaculating to what a average man would feel like
9450
9451the least political book in the english languge is-- you guessed it-- the dictionary.
9452
9453RT set username
9454Yo! Yo! Faiz
9455
9456RT follow girls
9457
9458im an Empath. im a Homeo Uncle. im a rodney
9459
9460The Proven Mental Health Benefits Of Calling Your Boss "Father"
9461
9462when i step out of the bathroom to announce that Ive clogged the toilet at a party, i tell everyone exactly what i clogged it with (my shit)
9463
9464re: clogging toilets; its important to note that i use a minimal amount of paper. so the responsible party is usually my very thick turds
9465
9466im stuffing more toilet paper into the clogged toilet to stop it from overflowing. im using the plunger to cram more toilet paper in there
9467
9468"Housten we have a problem" When i say this , Thats when uou know that the Shit has gone off the rails
9469
9470say what you will about my mediocre ass hole... at the end of the day, It's got people talkin!!!!
9471
9472theyre tryin to Stooge my ass
9473
9474might come up with a "Safe word" system to employ if thhe boys in the chat go too hard while commenting on my lunch pics
9475
9476mr Wantin to be suckin
9477
9478"sounds to me like you're gonna be wantin to be suckin on a piece of my bullshit......"
9479
9480https://t.co/8Kwij7BaJk
9481
9482meter reader in my basement: nice controllers man.. You game on those bad boys?
9483me (Blushing): i am-- yes, I do consider my self a gamer.
9484
9485Saving $400000 a year by eating bugs and little tiny pieces of shit .
9486
9487Small Meerschaum Pipe, the Bowl in the Form of a Remarkably Naturalistic and Expressive Head of an African-American… https://t.co/nnDEfwe32u
9488
9489jsut a heads up if youre trying to be a check mark guy on here, you get paid more to have opinions that suck fucking ass
9490
9491Donwnloadable Content (DLC) and Microtransactions is Protected Free Speech.
9492(USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR THIS POST)
9493
9494ill show you real truth ... https://t.co/Ph7kDBsjdi
9495
9496every day my inbox is inundated with women (female) claiming that they understand Mens Life, whereas all i can do is simply smile.
9497
9498https://t.co/d1Cs8kMa6H
9499
9500if you want to see first hand how the boys decide what to eat, do not miss our unwatchable 6-Part docudrama entitled "Masters of Lunch"
9501
9502heart of darkness 2: https://t.co/GvVobp9RBH
9503
9504writing a massive 350 page book about my twiiter brand that no one will read, is, in a lot of ways, like being a Prisoner of War
9505
9506
9507one thing for certain is the that the trolls are having a hell of a time Whacking off to the point of ignorance as if i even give a fuck .
9508
9509none of my followers like jokes, none of my followers enjoy Fun, every time i try to lighten the mood people just post pics of my mug shots
9510
9511theyre waiting for me to slip up and post a family guy joke verbatim so they can make youtube vids of cartoon avatars doing side eye to me
9512
9513RT i am about to cum so send me pussies in direct message are dick
9514
9515david kock death hitting especially hard because of baby bird brain derangement that makes me think every rich person i see on tv is my Mom
9516
9517"oh its so easy to og after david Koch now that hes dead"
9518"its so Edgy & Brave to get his ass now that he cnat send his assassins after you"
9519
9520bill gates' dog is too dumb to even know his owner is a celeb. thats why i should be bill gates' dog. crawling around his mansion for treats
9521
9522i have created more jobs, than every Weed Smoker on the planet-- combined .
9523
9524many've sought the ultimate Combo and have asked me what the ultimate combo is. i am too amused simply by their ignorance to even answer .
9525
9526https://t.co/S8HqQPRuzi Looks like shit
9527
9528https://t.co/5FthaJFm52
9529
9530just hating my lead coated dx racer knock off gamer cushion from bangladesh. absorbing & releasing countless toxins via my Ass. 16 hrs a day
9531
9532stand your ground laws for jeans instead of guns. stand your jeans laws
9533
9534when the legendary CBS comedy lineup comes on, i simply turn it off. Know why? Ive been pissed off too much times to care. Does it Shock you
9535
9536a lot of people tripping over themselves trying to Speak on my ass. just an observation ive noticed
9537
9538googles motto is "Dont be evil" ? What A load of Hooey that turned out to be. Follow my page if you want to check out my shit .
9539
9540shut up!! shut the Fuck up!! https://t.co/tVsepHMpJB
9541
9542eating luch #MondayMorning #mondayThoughts #MondayMotivation #JustMondayShit #MondayAss #PissMOnday #MondayBoys #MondayVibes #MondayMood
9543
9544all of the dna in my ass is just morbid. if my ass was a person it would have a small dick
9545
9546RT Fuck you if you don't know how to treat a woman. #YeahISaidIt!
9547
9548THIS!!! https://t.co/jCYR7yXHZc THIS!!! THIS!!!
9549
9550seeing a guy on here named "Curtis Blowjobs" , shaking my head and saying "REALLY??" a lot, asking girls in the dms if they can believe this
9551
9552you say you smoke two packs a day? two packs of what, pal? shit?
9553
9554guy who bothered putting a suit on for his profile pic and only has like 300 followers. ha ha ha you dip shit!! youve wasted your life!!!!!!
9555
9556i didnt understand how interest at the bank works until someone explained to me its like storing cum up in your balls
9557
9558when i scroll too far down the google image search results for "rat" and start getting pics of ground hogs and shit... Lets talk about this.
9559
9560https://t.co/4TsezAJFxc
9561
9562to the pyramid on the $1 bill calling itself the "all seeing eye" Fuck you. the only thing you can see from my wallet is the jeans of my ass
9563
9564https://t.co/uM2t5qWypL
9565
9566local church replaced with "The Simpsons lounge" where you can watch any episode of THe Simpsons & buy themed drinks based on the characters
9567
9568slamming some coins into the juke box and playing the worst song you ever heard about a "honky tonk man who needs his dick sucked"
9569
9570the bbq pit boys have posted a video so fucked that i am hesitant to describe it, lest my pervert followers try to tell me its actually good
9571
9572the most solid benefit to owning your own pool is that you get to keep all the animals that drown in it
9573
9574https://t.co/fVPkMnWKAU
9575
9576Hello Dear . It is my pleasure to chat you
9577
9578more and more sources are reporting "an end to sex"
9579
9580Seems to me that politics is something of a "Double Edge Sword" , that can be used for Good, or, in some cases, Evil.
9581
9582you want to claim that i keep a cup of poop on my computer desk? You want to go on record? ill put you in concrete. ill give you to the lord
9583
9584You wanna tell peole i got a little lady bug dick?? That how you get your kicks? Haah?? taking multiple shirts off while saying this
9585
9586im auditioning for holly wood
9587
9588https://t.co/kGQN2puoGE
9589
9590RT Wishing A vary Warm Friendship Day to All My friends..
9591Have A nice "FRIENDSHIP DAY" http://t.co/H43R2SgvSy
9592
9593RT i'm very very very sad hhuuuaa but i'm to semarang hhhhuuuuaaaa
9594
9595RT only when the night comes i do tend to feel lonely anddepressed i need badly somebody who would love me
9596
9597The Fraudsters, the Bull shitters, and Fuck Boys are out to turn my page into their own personal Restroom!! Ohhhh!! Very not good!!
9598
9599for reasons none of you could ever hope to comprehend, i will now be referring to "Baby mario" as "The baby from mario"
9600
9601whatre you gonna do with all that baumit..gim me some of that baumit come on man https://t.co/TfP7xE8N2S
9602
9603i know a lot of women . and none of them would ever sleep with this clown Austin powers
9604
9605the worst dms are the ones from beautiful WOmen. the best ones are some university of dog shit grad student asking if he can "pick my brain"
9606
9607
9608theres like 90 reddit threads per day called "Do your friends Hate you?" and they always have 10000 replies of people saying shit like "Yes"
9609
9610https://t.co/fcTNJQ6uPP
9611
9612Sadly, every one below the age of 45 is more interested in finding "Waldo" , than being "Well-to-do"
9613
9614oh my zippers down? well how about you zipper your mouth, instead of look at my dick
9615
9616i gave it back to the lord
9617
9618my opinion of Personal Drama in World Events?? Hell, theres not enough of it. my opinion of politics in Racism? There aint enough of it
9619
9620internal dialogue of tech journos watching Asimo dance around "Wow id love to break its legs" "Lets see it withstand the burden of the Cross
9621
9622youve enntered the page of The Master https://t.co/XickVgoFG4
9623
9624walking around town with my big Ass lookin like Shit
9625
9626you think im wasting my time putzing around in the drafts folder? bull shit. 100% off the cuff https://t.co/wSMDuYFBXk
9627
9628starting a social media platform called "Shithead Hell" where all the posts are the same as the ones on here and we share 0% ad revenue also
9629
9630it is with unbearable fucking agony that i declare the death of "The Thursday Nite Rant" . writing them is too hard
9631
9632thank you Microsoft for sending me 50 Reward'sPoints but i must decline the offer . For i did not earn them, they are not mine to use.
9633
9634going Hard for my next big 9/11 Deep Dive. The time has come to goose around in the name of 9/11. Just wait'll I get my kicks, of 9/11
9635
9636just thinking of how wild things would get if i were to bust out a bottle of wine with the flintstones logo on the label.....
9637
9638cowboy `s blade
9639
9640i love saiyng shit like "Yow! This kittens got Claws!" whenever a woman stabs me 38 times in the neck and chest
9641
9642"soon or later you will not even be able to be able to take a crap with out the Tax man up your ass" - Dril
9643
9644RT Hlo whats up dude https://t.co/KaLvczezZV
9645
9646RT INSULT & WIFE are somewhat similar....they always look good...IF IT IS NOT YOURS... :p
9647
9648RT #SEXFACTS lips to lip kiss for a minute exchanges more that 1000 bacteria
9649
9650RT viva Madrid today
9651
9652consuming Top Tweets at unprecedented speeds (cream of the crop; specifically curated to my personal interests) frowning like a sack of shit
9653
9654Just gotten word that ive been approved for the verified mark. It'll appear within 5-7 days. Wow! What a nice surprise! Thank you every body
9655
9656Now whos ready for some damn Tweets for Fucking adults
9657
9658iwish i could grasp my monitor by both sides and shake all the stupid ass trinkets off this youtube reviewers shelves
9659
9660never mind they just found the post where i said i put on black face and started chasing cars around
9661
9662spitting out perfectly good pieces of hamburger meat into a napkin
9663
9664(sobbing like a fucking doofus) why isnt my feed good!! why dont these posts make me happy any more!! what is wrong with all of you!!!!!!!
9665
9666dunce cap prophylactic
9667
9668a fun idea: mount Tweetmore; like mount rushmore but with Twitter users. again this is just a fun idea i thought of. please let me have this
9669
9670by "JACKING OFF" https://t.co/XXvZTKdTDR
9671
9672your damn right https://t.co/v33JAnA9cx
9673
9674an adult version of Chuck E Cheese type places where you pay someone to shout the "N-WORD" directly into your face so you can feel something
9675
9676changing my bio to "Nobody Helps Me" , to punish society
9677
9678you have to get up pretty early in the morning to piss off my entire shit
9679
9680RT "No man remains quite the same when he recognizes himself"
9681
9682RT one of your couriers poisoned me respond to my dm. Your agents are rude to me and yelled at me
9683
9684if i ever got face to face with the "Affluenza teen" on my server im thinking itd go a little something like this (plays guitar really good)
9685
9686powerful vision: the fox nfl robot stops dancing for a moment & collapses. from its body emerges a Nude African American Male, finally free,
9687
9688clerk slapped a whole packet of heritage Diapers out of my mitts and made some comments id dont care to repeat. Retribution?
9689
9690nice sydney opera house you got here. would be a shame it if were to become the the sydney Gamer house...
9691
9692obliterated by secret service goblins taxpayer magnum pulse cannons while horse playing on a diving board
9693
9694now more than ever, people are threatening to piss
9695
9696The new shit is 100,000,000 Followiers by 2021. Put that in your fucking web site
9697
9698lets step it up. lets replace the Follower count with the number of criminals youve murdered. lets see where our true allegiances lie
9699
9700sucking off on a piece of spaghetti like a dick; getting all that red Sauce
9701
9702game'sfully employed https://t.co/J3hpW2pBSb
9703
9704much like they do with investments, professional ties, etc, journalists should be expected to disclose how Mad they are,
9705
9706putting my fist through the wall and yanking out a chunk of insulation and making a "what the fuck is thiis" gesture before throwing it
9707
9708calling my wife, screeching, telling her theres a bomb in the computer so she wont log on & see ChronoAzusa's post calling me a girl Replier
9709
9710pplease stop asking me to retweet shit for money, if you have to pay me to retweet your shit its probably so bad it sucks shit
9711
9712guy trying to tell me im using the elliptical cross trainer backwards; Fuck you man. . This is my journey
9713
9714shaking my head at the gym . wondering when "No pain no gain" became "No brain no brain"
9715
9716installing a full scale maypole in my backyard... just thinking the boys are going to love this shit
9717
9718RT https://t.co/PstrvNdaZe
9719
9720REMINDER: your favorite CONTENT CREATOR is NOT your PERSONAL DOG. DO NOT look at their IMDB PAGE. DO NOT make EYE CONTACT with THEM
9721
9722if anyone you know on here is a "HIT MAN" , block and unfollow
9723
9724RT There can be only one https://t.co/mO6mMoi8gA
9725
9726my follower's https://t.co/UCv7ICcNKy
9727
9728strutting my shit on the beach, unintentionally increasing the anxiety of all girls with my radiant shit head energy and blowing it bigtime,
9729
9730my billionaire friends smoking in an alleyway with leather jackets and slicked back hair trying to peer pressure me into doing pedophile sex
9731
9732twitter .com, the only mainstream website that manages to crash my browser, has pledged to make its users suffer "Like never before" in 2020
9733
9734im officially the guy who has held out the longest without being "Ready to laugh again" since 9/11 and what do i get in return? ASS-FUCKED..
9735
9736haivng stress diarrhea into a handful of Kleenex
9737
9738point blank blasting a pair of jeans with a 120 decibel leaf blower at 6am even though i have been" warned about doing this"
9739
9740thinking about some computer slob clicking on my Like button— right after touching his nasty dick. hey buddy; i dont want that shit. Keep it
9741
9742i have it on good authorirty that many of my trolls look like the mother fucker from mad magazine. fuck you. i will never improve my posts.
9743
9744sometimes it feels like the damn writers of 2016 have run out of ideas for the season finale of real life . Auuwoogaaa!! Hit the damn like
9745
9746shut the fuck yp https://t.co/1nRbXL2ZHz
9747
9748a banner ad that pissed me off siad "This Guys Getting More "Ass" Than You Ever Will " and it was just a picture of the nutty professor
9749
9750fondly remembering in 2013 when microsoft made a hail mary to try to convince everyone to put an online camera in their living rooms for fun
9751
9752doing pretty good with thre posts today. might try to pound out a few more before sundown, but it remains to be seen if i will "Blow it"
9753
9754not much of a response to my #ShowMeTheSelfieMonday call for selifes. might try Heroin for the first time . Oh well
9755
9756once more for the mother fuckers in the back... Not All People Who Work At Carnival Dunk Tanks Are Clowns.
9757
9758Interesting that some people care enough about my posts to look at them and read them. Says a lot about you Dick head
9759
9760@dogboner… https://t.co/SQObF1W2jz
9761
9762#NationalBoyfriendDay Im every womens boyfriend and father and son. And I keep my clothes nice
9763
9764Good of my life https://t.co/9xpZPFf8Fm
9765
9766I miss lunch from when back before it became a fucking joke to most of people.
9767
9768Waiters do not put the big silver dome over our food before serving it anymore because of politics culture
9769
9770i hate it when doctors say Shit like "Take two and call me in the morning" . why dont yoy take two kisses of the butt crack of my ass
9771
9772mr. Game your Dick off 2019
9773
9774
9775
9776might become a " Pube guy " , as I am not only interested in making my dick look smaller, but also dirtier
9777
9778watching all of you goof up again, with your posts. nobody has ever crapped themselves more in human history. The shit is a total clown show
9779
9780punishing myself by wrapping piano wire around my head, for enjoying a 7up commercial 21 years ago
9781
9782the News, as you know it, has died... and from its ashes rises "TRUTHPOINT"
9783streaming LIVE, wednesday at midnight… https://t.co/vhAGIRNA87
9784
9785your the ones who sold out not me
9786
9787wearing electric bra in defiance of #NoBraDay my filthy bean bags getting absolutely smoked by radio sound attacksat the cuban embassy
9788
9789RT I still think of myself as a young boy of 6 with incontinence who likes to, and can regress back to infancy. I am… https://t.co/oAcpD3bDza
9790
9791RT I'VE DONE IT !!! I've found a fun way to go into Baby Space ... using hypnosis and meditation. It's very transcende… https://t.co/sBvXBFQySu
9792
9793am i still blocked by "The diaper guru" ? yes. but my people and his people are negotiating an amnesty agreement as we speak.
9794
9795RT dreaming of a nice pair of feet to worship
9796
9797patreon reward demecratic debate live commentary by "SirGamestop"
9798
9799RT bingung...
9800
9801RT TONIGHT'S TOPIC: "MONEY"
98029 PST / 12 EST
9803WATCH ON THE [adult swim]™ APP ON ROKU™, APPLE TV™, IOS™, ANDROID™ AND MO… https://t.co/qCoKPxjzOg
9804
9805RT just living simple
9806
9807ive gotten word that pussy_hacker has taken SirGamestop out for a night on the town that he wont soon forget, and then some ,
9808
9809I was dead wrong about the 2020 reboot of Raggedy Ann. And I can never forgive myself.
9810
9811seriously asking myself out loud if i should let my prick get hard, looking at all of this sweet denim. jourdache, you make a hell of a jean
9812
9813Hard Rock Cafe In Orlando Has Sucked Off My World
9814
9815ernest shits himself stupid. ernest nuts him self #twistedErnestFilms #tgif
9816
9817
9818using street view; trapped in man's sandwich https://t.co/Fk81c28gYf
9819
9820
9821https://t.co/suSsfJuYmX
9822
9823restaurants should bring back smoking sections but for jacking off, and if you don't like that idea yiou can just sit in the normal sections
9824
9825really fucked up that you have to start every letter with "Dear" like youre trying to get the dept of weights and measures or whoever horny
9826
9827i was about to invent a joke about how people Stay using their car horns too much, but then i remembered that COMEDY DIED , due to HATERS !!
9828
9829choking myself on the toilet for Likes
9830
9831screaming on the phone with J. dorsey about how Fucked I am if guys with shitty beards keep saying my posts "Have lost their Edge"
9832
9833that picture of all the construction workers sitting on a steel beam eating lunch except its me & the boys sitting on the floor at game stop
9834
9835im sorry if you like him or are a fan of his, but you just know that this guy is looking like total shit https://t.co/szSCrnXO9y
9836
9837https://t.co/lHDBgi5P5Y
9838
9839more info on my enormous new full-color 350-page book coming soon ... keep a damn eye out https://t.co/LaitCoGIN0
9840
9841fred flintstone does not Jack off ever, he works hard every day to provide for his family, fuck you for saying something like that
9842
9843getting more pain receptors implanted into my skin!! maybe now my posts will actually mean something to you mother fuckers!! "AAAAAAAHHH!!"
9844
9845Q: Mr. James bond youre going to want to have to take a look at this.
9846Q turns the laptop around and james bond sees my posts on it
9847
9848ount of meds i woud need to become harvey weinsteins Lawyer without wanting to flip my $80000 car off the over pass
9849
9850my dick looks like a dissected frog #JESUSISKING
9851
9852- _ = NEVER A SEX ACCOUNT = _ -
9853
9854https://t.co/ka4CgZs1Hy
9855
9856the most bewildering euphemism for penis i ever heard : "My puck"
9857
9858RT https://t.co/4s3R8mTu2K
9859
9860https://t.co/Q6os85UlEA id rather have q anon post my address and dick and balls than have t o read another one of these Fucking posts
9861
9862The Most Wrongfully Unfollowed Account On Earth ....
9863
9864RT Please Goddess,always make me friend zoned
9865
9866RT Seeing your wife get fucked by someone else is the best movie you can ever see in yiur life
9867
9868" Shut Da Fuck Up "
9869
9870my name is
9871" GAMER FUCKER "
9872and i was sent to FUCK all the gamers...
9873
9874no mouse pad. "off roading"
9875
9876how to say "doh" simpson tutorial How to say "Doh" like homer info how to say "Doh" instructions on how to say "Doh"
9877
9878thinking of all the guys who requested to be buried face down so the whole world can kiss their ass. Cant wait to kiss their dead asses
9879
9880girls hate it when you say shit like "Rome wasnt built in a day" to them
9881
9882might try to improve my posts somewhat so i can get some followers who arent total bird brains . like 80% of you are just Dog shit
9883
9884RT Doing chair massage on south shore of Ottertail today across from The Corner Store #healinghands
9885
9886FUCK !!! https://t.co/M1yhFKBQ7E
9887
9888might delete all my posts once i hit 10000. Thats enough
9889
9890"I'll be crucified for saying it; but it took 18 years to complete the 'Luigi's Mansion' trilogy. Same as 'The Godfather'." - SirGamestop
9891
9892looking at my timeline, it seems that MetalGearEric has shifted from a Tier-B to a Tier-C poster ever since his grandma died. imo ,
9893
9894RT watch TRUTHPOINT at 9 PST / 12 EST
9895on adult swim app
9896with guest @necrobranson
9897https://t.co/cx8XSXYoss
9898
9899playing the worlds most normal sized violin
9900
9901false. total crap https://t.co/PXX9Gd116D
9902
9903https://t.co/S53uOn5PNg
9904
9905man slowly poisoning himself over the course of 50 years by storing his silverware and fine china in the bathroom
9906
9907Oh i cant wait to shit my pants. I cant wait to walk into the bathroom and shit my pants in there and go home
9908
9909look at this shit here https://t.co/eA96Me7cv6
9910
9911if youve never written posts before, then shut the fuck up
9912
9913#peakMale #godPerformance https://t.co/dAkLaDOaGD
9914
9915flags are posts, because you post them
9916
9917the shit that killed Elvis https://t.co/gAl5sU36Gy
9918
9919RT Watch our Sister Show ?‍♀️"The Perfect Women"?‍♀️
9920at 7 PST
9921then ?TRUTHPOINT? starts at 9 PST / 12 EST
9922with specia… https://t.co/CdV9BmHhGT
9923
9924Cool https://t.co/eAwv9t7ZpK
9925
9926no-reply.com: We've changed our terms of service,
9927me: my terms of service is simply this"Shut the Fuck up"
9928
9929Going Very fucking hard on donald duck today. Saying i would never want to be him, or be any part of his life.
9930
9931RT SEX IS NOTHING BUT A PROCESS OF PRODUCING KIDS. If you stress it more You will open Pandora Box. This also relates to Crimes MR. PRESIDENT.
9932
9933breaking into digimonotis's house at night and leaving a severed human thumb in his bed, signifying a "Thumbs down" for his disloyalty
9934
9935gamer knife https://t.co/4KM6I9VY0M
9936
9937why are you wearing a sailor's outfit around inside of your own house you fuck face
9938
9939Leaving the group chat so I can focus on my responsibilities as a Shark Tank subbreddit moderator .
9940
9941dairrhea
9942
9943https://t.co/U6DBAll2Zn
9944
9945Seems to me that we have been more becoming like a country of people who let Cell phones define our brain... FUCK !!!
9946
9947was gonna bring back the classic "piss" gag but you cant say the word "piss" any more. theyll get ya. ford trucks .com built ford truck #ad
9948
9949erica Shit My Pants
9950
9951account Status; Verified. To the chagrin of all Shit Accounts, This is now a LOCKED PAGE . I am the rat of life. I am the bitch of forever
9952
9953ive had more threads locked than any man on the planet. ive had my address posted 1000+ times. i get ``Owned`` so m… https://t.co/H6ot61TDaW
9954
9955warming my nuts on your daily coffeecup
9956
9957RT I'm packing up to go on a vacation, To Florida. BTW I got hooked on a new song called "Turn my Swag On" by Soulja Boy Tell`em.
9958
9959RT well we have lost a music legend but his legend of music will stay around the world rest in peace MichealJacksom.......
9960
9961look what youve gone and done. youve shit-eated yourself again
9962
9963RT Bus Driver Manages To Stop Bus Being Struck By Sheet Of Iron
9964
9965the nerve of this fucking mom and pop pizza joint hanging a framed $1 bill up. alright pal you're rich, we get it
9966
9967every person on your "Who to follow" list writes articles called "No more Mr Family Guy" because peter griffin showed his penis or something
9968
9969i now have over 100 comments that the media refuses to let me apologize for and the trolls got my Ass over a barral
9970
9971Seems to me today would be an excellent day to browse some of my Legacy Posts, from the Heirloom Collection, and throw them a retweet or two
9972
9973theoretically , tips could be done away with entirely if i were allowed to enter the kitchen and personally retrieve my entrees ChefToTable
9974
9975ive mastered every hypothetical social situation by reading posts on here and am now ready to talk to my step mom with out flipping out,
9976
9977you turn on the tv on to one of the hipster channels and theyre saying we need to start pooping in bags now. i will never poop in a bag
9978
9979none of this shit is even from the future. is that a bee hive? Fuck you https://t.co/U1M64ZqsfK
9980
9981in a show of deference towards teens , the majestic mount fuji has been renamed to ``Teen mountain`` , in a move that is sure to piss me off
9982
9983"I do not look at the numbers beneaht the post. I only look at the letters, of the post, that are used to write the words of the post" -WINT
9984
9985for the second time in november iit is now international mens day. Wow
9986
9987might siphon a bunch of free flu shots into a big fake arm an d bottle it up and sell it for $5
9988
9989https://t.co/RdHJOeG6AD
9990
9991the new NIssan Altima branded bean bag chair is a SLAP IN THE FACE!! to all lnissan Altima loyalists and people who enjoy car commercials
9992
9993the first rate service at long horn steak house pittsburgh blasted my ass hole wide open, their dedicated waitstaff had me Nuts over Ass
9994
9995donalds crime https://t.co/cBDdkXbPvk
9996
9997if you "clap back" someone with a PhD on here, you should be allowed to have their PhD. Its just common sense people. Oh that's tea
9998
9999"ignorance is bliss " No. Any one who says this has never tried having an iq of 200 before
10000
10001theres gotta be a game that will make me cum in less than 4 minutes. Theres just gotta
10002
10003perusing the count chocula sub reddit with a mouth full of werthers originals flavored skoal tobaco dip
10004
10005Ive been sniped in the nuts by Topgolf customer service . Folks I have never been more fucked in the ass than i am currently right now.