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3F4W~!#627 - BENOIT KILLS FAMILY, SELF - JULY 2, 2007
4BY OBSERVER STAFF | STAFF@WRESTLINGOBSERVER.COM | @WONF4W
5TWITTERFACEBOOKGOOGLE+
6This will be the most horrifying story I hopefully will ever have to write.
7
8Chris Benoit killed his wife Nancy and seven year old son Daniel this week.
9
10I knew Chris Benoit. I first met him in the mid 90s and talked to him every now and then, usually about once every few months, but sometimes, like after Eddy Guerrero died, pretty regularly.
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12When you read in the paper that someone went and killed their wife and their seven year old child, or they shot up a school or raped and defiled someone, you usually hear folks say one of two things; either that everyone should have seen this coming or that this is utterly impossible, because the guy was the nicest guy you could ever hope to meet.
13
14I always thought Chris Benoit was the nicest guy you could ever hope to meet.
15
16Chris Benoit always finished conversations by saying, "Take care!" He was devastated by Eddy Guerrero's death. He used to keep a journal. He'd write to Eddy in it. He said he knew Eddy couldn't read it, but it helped him get through everything. He wrote every day.
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18I talked to him just a few months ago, before WrestleMania. He wanted the address of a guy that made wrestling belts. He sat there and talked about what an awesome person Booker T was, and how he wanted to buy an expensive WCW replica title and give it to him as a gift.
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20One day he asked for my address. He ended up sending me a chair from the PPV where Eddy Guerrero won the WWE Title. There was also a really nice note in there. I showed it to my buddy Vinny, and I remember at the time we thought, "How could a man so great be so nice?" It seemed impossible.
21
22So apparently it was.
23
24I first heard about this at approximately 3:30 PM or so Monday afternoon. Admin Tony had seen the initial WWE.com story, which only said that Benoit and his family were dead. I immediately knew it was not a work, but prayed that the site had been hacked. After about ten minutes, it was clear that was not the case. I got official confirmation from WWE about an hour later.
25
26Benoit, prior to this incident, was among the most respected members of the WWE locker room. He grew up idolizing Dynamite Kid, and in the end he had a whole generation of young wrestlers that grew up idolizing him. Everyone wanted to work with him, everyone wanted to work like him, and thus when it was discovered that the entire family was dead, everyone immediately tried to figure out a "best case scenario".
27
28Perhaps someone broke in and killed them.
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30Perhaps there was a gas leak.
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32Perhaps his wife and son had suffered some sort of horrible accident, and Benoit, despondent, killed himself.
33
34As it turns out, what really happened was probably a worse case scenario than anyone could have possibly imagined. Benoit missed a house show this weekend and told WWE that there was a family emergency that he needed to tend to. Over the next few days, he sent a number of text messages to different people, including Chavo Guerrero, who he was very close to and had recently spent time at his home. One of the texts alerted the individuals that his doors were open and his two dogs were outside.
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36On Monday afternoon, the individuals who had received the text messages alerted WWE. Nobody had spoken to him personally since Saturday. Local investigators were called and asked to please do a welfare check on Benoit's home, due to the fact that he had missed some out of state work. Police entered the premises and found the three bodies in various states of decomposition. Based on the states, they were able to determine with a fair degree of certainty who died when.
37
38Benoit's last television match took place at the ECW TV tapings on June 19th. He beat Elijah Burke to gain the opportunity to face CM Punk for the vacant title at Vengeance on Sunday. The plan was for him to win the belt. There were people concerned Sunday about the fact that he hadn't shown up, and the voice messages earlier in the weekend were considered weird, but because the Chris Benoit everyone thought they knew was not the kind of guy who could do any harm to himself or his family it was not considered an emergency situation. Joey Styles made the announcement that he was out due to a family issue and sounded concerned, but then the show moved on.
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40After police found the bodies, WWE immediately put the news up on their website. That night's Raw was scheduled to be a three-hour "Tribute to Mr. McMahon", built around his storyline death and including a number of wacky segments. Apparently the company had learned the week prior that trying to handle the storyline death seriously was not what anyone wanted, and they were moving in a different direction. I believe the plan was that at the end of the show, Inspector Beck or whatever his name was would come out and arrest Linda McMahon on suspicion of planting the car bomb.
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42As noted last week, WWE had strongly considered dropping the angle after Sherri Martel died. In the end, they decided to continue it, but once Benoit and his family were found dead all plans were thrown right out the window. Vince called a meeting in the afternoon and told everyone that police had discovered the family dead. Either he had no other details or he chose not to announce them at the moment. Most likely he was aware that the belief was that Benoit had killed them all, but, like everyone else, was holding out hope that something less awful had occurred.
43
44The wrestlers were devastated. The decision was quickly made to cancel the live Raw show and reschedule it for sometime in July. Many of the wrestlers were sequestered to tape quick tributes.
45
46I'll be honest. I did not watch the show. I really have no plans to. I know that Vince McMahon came out and explained that the idea was to continue his death storyline, but that was now all over. I believe they played most of Benoit's DVD, and that the wrestlers were largely devastated in their tributes. I'm told that William Regal made no comments about Benoit as a person, only talking about his in-ring performances. My feeling is that a few guys figured something really bad had happened, and everyone else was holding out hope for "the best". The two individuals who received text messages were identified as "C" (Chavo) and "S". Benoit and Regal, who many in the business still call "Steve Regal" (his WCW moniker), were very close, and it is believe at this point that "S" was Regal, that he had a gut feeling Benoit had done it, and that this is why his tribute came out the way it did.
47
48It was during the live show that word started leaking out that this was an unimaginable tragedy. The show still aired on the West Coast, though it was pretty clear by the time it was over what had happened.
49
50What had happened, according to the lead investigator at the Tuesday noon EST press conference, was that Chris Benoit pinned wife Nancy face-down on the ground with his knee in her back and choked her to death with a cord. Blood on her head and bruises on her torso indicated a struggle, and her hands and feet were bound. Benoit at some point afterwards, perhaps even the next day, suffocated Daniel in his bedroom. There were no signs of struggle found. He left Bibles near both bodies. At some point after that, he went into his weight room and hung himself with cables from a pulldown machine. The timeline is not one hundred percent set in stone as of press time. Right now it is believed that he killed Nancy Friday, Daniel Saturday, and himself early Sunday morning. They are awaiting toxicology reports, which could take up to two weeks. No note was found at the scene of the crime. Legal pill prescriptions were found at the residence, as were steroids and steroid prescriptions.
51
52The DA noted that Benoit had been arrested for a DUI in the county, but not for domestic abuse. He said he could not confirm reports that Benoit had abused Nancy or that she had filed for divorce several years back (which was reported elsewhere). He said with the evidence they had, no motive could be determined.
53
54Once the steroid part of the story came out, the mainstream jumped all over it. I did an interview for CBS Evening News that ended up being cut out (it was taped prior to the press conference so everything was pretty much immediately outdated), and that was the angle they were most interested in. Over the course of the afternoon, many outlets had stories suggesting that ROID RAGE had been responsible.
55
56Here's the reality as I know it. Chris Benoit had probably taken steroids for almost his entire career. He broke in during a period where you couldn't be a star at 5-8, and his idol was Dynamite Kid, who was juiced to the gills and ultimately paid a heavy price for it (he's currently wheelchair-bound and destitute). Benoit was gigantic for most of his career, and I can only remember one time, in the late 90s in WCW, that for whatever reason he shrunk down. He was the first guy to call me after WWE had the locker room meeting announcing the institution of a Wellness Policy after the death of Eddy Guerrero, wondering if I knew what the hell was going on. I said he probably should have known more than I did, but apparently all he knew was what we all saw on WWE.com. I was told that when he went down for neck surgery and was going to be off TV for a full year, he refused to come off the steroids for fear of shrinking up. I was also told that he and Nancy had fought over the steroid issue many times in the past. In 2007, he was a 40-year-old man who was 5-9 and 220 pounds (though legal documents claimed as high as 250) with less than 10% bodyfat, and he was built like that despite being on the road 200 days a year. Physiologically, that's impossible.
57
58But the reality is also that steroids have been a part of this business for decades. Wrestlers have been on steroids since at least the 1960s, and probably earlier, and you don't hear about them going nuts and killing their wives and children. You hear about them dying early of enlarged organs, but not double homicide/suicides. To place the blame on steroids is horribly simplistic. My personal belief, and I've been asked this question a million times as always happens when something seemingly senseless happens, is that Chris Benoit was a guy who for whatever reason had it in him to kill two human beings. Period. Steroids probably didn't help. It probably also didn't help that he worked a very hard style over a period of many years and may have developed some sort of brain trauma. I remember shortly after the Virginia Tech massacre I listened to a radio show that interviewed a guy who had dealt with the bodies of many serial killers and mass murderers. He said almost without exception, every single one of them had some sort of brain issue, whether it be damage from an accident, a lesion, etc. Benoit's trademark move was the diving headbutt, he did multiple German suplexes night after night for years, and he took hard bumps in hard rings. I would not be in the least bit surprised to learn that something in his brain was fucked up, and that, combined with steroids and the psychological profile, lead to this disaster.
59
60WWE immediately went on the offensive:
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62
63
64WWE(R) Shocked At Latest Developments In Benoit Tragedy, Concerned By Sensationalistic Reporting
65Tuesday June 26, 5:51 pm ET
66STAMFORD, Conn.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--World Wrestling Entertainment (NYSE: WWE - News) is stunned and saddened by the details released by local authorities concerning the double homicide-suicide involving Chris Benoit, his wife, Nancy, and his son, Daniel.
67However, WWE is concerned with the sensationalistic reporting and speculation being undertaken by some members of the media following the press conference held by the Fayette County Sheriff's Department and the District Attorney. During the press conference, the investigating authorities made the following points, all of which run contrary to the media speculation that "roid rage" was a factor in the senseless murders and suicide:
681. The authorities stated that all drugs found in the house were believed to be legal prescriptions.
692. Steroids were not, and could not, be related to the cause of death (asphyxiation). Authorities had no factual basis to speculate as to Benoit's state of mind, and rightly did not do so.
703. Toxicology tests have not even been completed, so there is no current evidence that Benoit even had steroids or any other substance in his body. In that regard, on the last test done on Benoit by WWE's independently administered drug testing program, done on April 10, 2007, Benoit tested negative.
714. The physical findings announced by authorities indicate deliberation, not rage. The wife's feet and hands were bound and she was asphyxiated, not beaten to death. By the account of the authorities, there were substantial periods of time between the death of the wife and the death of the son, again suggesting deliberate thought, not rage. The presence of a Bible by each is also not an act of rage.
725. WWE strongly suggests that it is entirely wrong for speculators to suggest that steroids had anything to do with these senseless acts, especially when the authorities plainly stated there is no evidence that Benoit had steroids in his body, pending the toxicological reports, and that they had no evidence at this time as to the motive for these acts.
73WWE is continuing to monitor the ongoing investigation being conducted by local authorities.
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77
78They also announced that Vince McMahon was going to apologize for the three-hour Raw tribute show at the beginning of ECW. This was also the source of much controversy Tuesday, as news reporters learned that WWE had produced this show for a double murderer. To me, I cannot fault WWE for this, because I was following the situation very closely and talking with people in WWE, and when Raw went on the air live there were still tons of questions. To WWE's credit, they did pull the show from international broadcast on Tuesday. They also removed all of the video tributes from WWE.com. In fact, aside from the news stories about the tragedies, the company proceeded to remove everything about Benoit from the entire website. All of his pages were deleted, everything involving him vanished, and they even scratched his name off line-ups for DVDs that they're selling. In WWE, as of Tuesday night June 26, he no longer exists.
79
80Nancy Benoit, formerly Nancy Sullivan and Nancy Daus, performed under the stage name Woman for years. In a very famous story, her husband and WCW booker at the time Kevin Sullivan put Benoit and Nancy together in storyline. In order to convince people that the two were really a couple, he booked them together on the road and in hotel rooms. As is often the case in this business, storyline became reality, and Nancy separated from Sullivan and married Benoit in 2000 after living together for three years. Earlier that year, during a whirlwind weekend when Sullivan ended up back in power, Benoit, feeling he would never get a fair shake, quit the company. He, along with Eddy Guerrero, Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn, were shockingly given releases and headed to WWE. This effectively tore the heart out of WCW and was one of the many nails in the coffin.
81
82According to a legal filing, Nancy filed for a separation and protection order (which is issued by a judge and enforceable by cops and gives you more rights than a typical restraining order) on May 12, 2003. She received temporary custody of Daniel and Chris was told to pay $5,000 per month in child support. She said she feared for her personal safety and for the safety of her child. Benoit was ordered to take a "batterer's intervention program" and undergo an evaluation for drug and alcohol abuse and follow the treatment recommendations.
83
84"The defendant is a professional wrestler and considerably larger and stronger than the petitioner," the filing stated. "The respondent lost his temper and threatened to strike the petitioner and cause extensive damage to the home and personal belongings of the parties, including furniture and furnishings. Petitioner is in reasonable fear for Petitioner's own safety and/or the safety of the minor children. At other times the respondent has committed other such acts, including, but not limited to (approximate dates and what happened) threatening the petitioner and destroying the furniture and furnishings at the home of the parties. There is substantial likelihood that the Respondent will commit such acts of violence against the petitioner and minor children in the immediate future if relief is not granted as provided pursuant to OCGA 19-3-4."
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86She filed to dismiss everything on August 19, 2003.
87
88On Tuesday I was misquoted in an article. A reporter asked me if anyone knew what had happened. This was around 4:45 PM. I said no. I don't know if we were talking about marital issues earlier, but he ended up quoting me as saying that nobody really knew anything about any marital issues. Someone in WWE quickly contacted me through a third party outraged that I could have started any rumors of that nature. This person said he knew Chris very well dating back to his WCW debut and that the couple was very happy and not having any issues. As it turns out, he was wrong. But the point is that even Benoit's close friends knew nothing about what was going on at home. Over the last few days, I've heard a lot of stories, most of them horrible, as it pertains to what happened in the last year or so, but I'd rather wait until those details came out elsewhere before reporting them.
89
90No one knows where to go from here or what is going on. As noted several times over the past several weeks, everyone in the company is utterly burned out. The schedule this past month was too much for them. Two live PPVs, all of the usual TV, a Saturday Night's Main Event, and two three-hour Raws. It's impossible to create quality programming with that much quantity, but they tried. Something like this never happens at a "good time", but I can't even think of a worse time for everyone in the company. The only plan on Tuesday prior to the announcement that Vince was going to apologize was that Raw and Smackdown were going to be basic wrestling shows this week, no angles, and that TV would return as usual on Monday with Raw.
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92It should be noted that the apology announcement was caused in part by USA Network's insistence. They were deluged with complaints Tuesday from fans who couldn't believe the company had paid tribute to a child killer. This brings to mind a possibility that has been discussed in the past few days, that being the potential if this really explodes for USA Network or the CW to cancel the show.
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94The possibility is remarkably slim and I don't expect it to happen. However, PRIDE was the biggest MMA company in the world for years, and one major scandal caused them to lose their Fuji TV slot, and in less than a year they were dead. It's not unheard of in America for a TV or radio station to cancel a show or fire a major name host due to a public outcry. It probably won't happen in this case, but we've also never seen anything like this before and it's impossible to predict what will happen.
95
96They key is that the last major mainstream story was the death of Eddy Guerrero. This was a great tragedy, and of course there was much talk about steroids and growth hormone. WWE at the time had an out -- they instituted a Wellness Policy. Now when I say "an out", I don't want people to misinterpret that. Unlike Benoit, who was a very private person, Eddy Guerrero was outgoing and honest and beloved by everyone in the company. When he died, you had wrestlers questioning their own mortality, noting that this guy had taken stuff that they had either taken in the past or were currently taking, and they could very well be next. You also had management which honestly did not ever want to see anyone die again. When it was announced, the company was deadly serious about it. Deadly serious. If you watched the TV, you could see guys shrinking week by week before your eyes. But the reality is that the only reason it lasted as long as it did was because Eddy was so beloved. The wrestling business has seen so many deaths of major name stars that it has become desensitized to death. For as long as I have been doing this newsletter people have called me and only half-jokingly asked, "Did anyone die today?" That's the sad reality of this business. Within three months, thoughts of mortality gave way to thoughts of physical pain (steroids help the joints feel better and such) and the psychological issues related to not being a larger than life character anymore, and having to work even harder in the gym and on your diet to look half as good as you used to.
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98The Wellness Policy still exists, believe it or not. The rules have just changed. No longer are guys taken off TV or house shows. They're merely fined or docked pay and they continue to work so that nobody has to know who failed. When you think about it, if your body is worth a $1 million per year contract, and nobody is ever going to know whether you pass or fail a test, it may be a situation where guys are willing to lose a month's pay or whatever because they may feel that in the end, eleven months of main event pay is better than twelve months of mid-card or lower pay. There is also the loophole that you are OK if the steroids are prescribed for legitimate medical reasons (though many guys seem to be on things that doctors are not legally allowed to prescribe for any reason), and that testosterone to epitestosterone levels can be as high as 10:1 before a person automatically fails. A normal human is at 1:1, and an Olympic failure is 6:1. Basically, as is the case in all sports today, drug tests are basically IQ tests. If you have a brain, you can find a way around the system, especially if it's a system set up to curb "abuse", but hopefully allow guys to not completely shrink down to the point where they look like someone in the crowd.
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100So as mentioned, WWE had an "out", when Eddy died, the institution of the Wellness Policy. Now, they have nothing. Chris Benoit was found with steroids in his house and it's almost certain that his toxicology reports will reveal not only steroids in his system, but the classic wrestler issues, morbidly enlarged organs. When Benoit died, it took hours for any mainstream news outlets to jump on the story. Likely, they saw the graphic up on WWE.com and figured it was all a storyline due to WWE.com doing the exact same thing two weeks prior when Vince's limo supposedly blew up. It was the boy who cried wolf. And ironically, they are once again the boy who cried wolf if their defense to steroid allegations is that they have a Wellness Policy and that Benoit tested "negative", whatever that means, in April. Basically, they will be claiming that he was on steroids but still "negative", which sure makes the Wellness Policy look like a joke.
101
102Smackdown was not an angle-free show, but no mention was made live of Benoit. I cannot confirm at this point whether anything was said in commentary. I do know that when people started arriving at the building, there were Benoit signs everywhere. By the time the show ended and they set up for ECW, nearly every single sign had been confiscated.
103
104McMahon opened the show with the following statement: "Last night on Monday Night Raw, the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, now some 26 hours later, the facts of this horrific tragedy are now apparent. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit tonight. On the contrary, tonight's show will be dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This evening marks the first step of the healing process. Tonight, the WWE performers will do what they do better than anyone else in the world--entertain you."
105
106Everyone always asks the question after someone dies. Will anything change? The answer is always no, because this is the wrestling business and people always die, and even when guys like Eddy Guerrero die, and he hit everyone harder than anyone else outside of Owen Hart, the wrestling world ultimately just keeps turning the way it always has. In this situation though, I think things are going to change. I don't know how. I'm not even saying they will change for the better. But this is far and away the biggest mainstream wrestling story of all time, and I suspect it is going to blow open doors. Every hardcore fans knows that this is a fucked up business that sometimes turns out fucked up people, and is such based on schedule and other factors that it chews many people up and spits out their bodies. The under-50 deaths are staggering. And the mainstream has always sort of known, at least in the past few years. But now they're going to know a whole hell of a lot more, and I have no idea what the long-term affect is going to be. I don't know if the government will pursue regulation, I don't know how WWE will react, I don't know how networks will react and I don't know how fans will react. Nothing like this has ever happened before and it's only been one day, and I have no idea how much bigger it will get. If a world war breaks out tomorrow, sure, this will probably quickly be forgotten or pushed aside. But Paris Hilton got out of jail, and no matter what you think about the coverage of that story the reality is that the coverage was absurdly large, and her getting released ultimately took a back seat Tuesday to the pro wrestler who killed his family. Plus, the more details that come out, the more shocking the story gets, and the more shocking it gets the more the media is going to jump all over it. And I'm afraid there are still some very shocking details yet to be released.
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108I've covered this business for over a decade and I can barely bring myself to type that this death might cause some sort of change. It's seemingly absurd. Quite frankly, the reason it's absurd, the reason it's so unlikely is because unless there is a strong movement from the outside, unless the government forces change, we will have to rely on Vince McMahon, and he's not changing. This is not necessarily a knock on Vince, because he is taking some undeserved shots these past few days and has been praised internally for the way he's been dealing with a very stressful situation. But this is a man whose father and grandfather were promoters, and he's been brought up to believe that big bodies equal big money. People have suggested a wrestling off-season, which would give wrestlers time to recharge their batteries, heal up, perhaps come off any drug cycles they might happen to be on, etc. Unfortunately, there has never been an off-season in WWWF, WWF or WWE, so convincing McMahon to make that change would be tough. Another scenario is to institute personal off-seasons for talent, so that they can be rotated out in periods where other wrestlers would be rotated in. This would also greatly freshen up booking. But again, this is not how it's ever been done, and even if it were instituted, I can't fathom Vince shelving a few stars if it's time for their off-season but they happen to be super hot. Shawn Michaels is out until the fall because he kept putting off surgeries, not wanting to desert the company when he was hot and they needed them. You could suggest drug testing, but that's clearly a joke, or would, like with Guerrero, become a joke after a few months. There absolutely needs to be EKG and MRI work done regularly, and if guys fail, their careers need to end. Perhaps WWE could start some sort of pension, not in the six figures, but enough for a normal human being to live comfortably. Of course, that's asking WWE to pay guys to not work, and that's expecting guys to accept not only being taken off TV and the road, but to accept that along with a huge pay cut. Unions have been talked about for years, and that's never come close to fruition. The reality is that there are many potential solutions, but all solutions require major changes to be instituted by Vince McMahon. The problem is that he's a 61 year old man, and asking him to change a way of thinking that has been instilled in him since likely the day he was born is going to be a virtually impossible task. The only way things will change is via some sort of outside force. Never before has there been much of a chance of that happening with WWWF/WWF/WWE, but things have hit a new level with this story and that makes even tomorrow's developments impossible to predict.
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112Late breaking news just before going to press. Benoit was listed as a former customer of MedXLife, an internet company based in south Florida that was implicated in a New York investigation of illegal steroid sales. The DA confirmed that he'd been a customer "as recently as last year", and that the co-owners plead guilty to charges of helping get prescriptions drugs for individuals who had no medical need for them.
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114WWE.com also released a Chris Benoit timeline. It claimed that on Saturday, Benoit was scheduled to appear at the WWE house show in Beaumont, TX, but that afternoon he told the company that his wife and child were ill and that he would be late to the event. He was said to have sounded tired and groggy. He claimed he overslept. He called another person, and at the end of the call said, "I love you," which the person said was out of context. This person was concerned and called Benoit, who did not answer. Benoit called back a few minutes later and said he had been rebooking his flight and was stressed because his wife and child were ill. Another co-worker said Benoit told him that Nancy was throwing up blood and Daniel was sick, and he suspected food poisoning. At 6:10 PM Saturday night, Benoit spoke to a member of Talent Relations about the flight to Beaumont. It was determined that he couldn’t make it to the show on time, and he apologized, saying he was having a family emergency. About a half hour earlier he'd talked to I believe the same person and stated that he was in the hospital with Nancy and Daniel and Daniel was throwing up. Benoit was told not to worry about the show that night, but to rest up and be ready for the PPV the next day in Houston. This was apparently the last voice communication he had with anyone. Early Sunday morning, between 3:51 and 3:58 AM, Benoit sent the following text messages. From his phone to two co-workers at 3:53 AM: “My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane, Fayetteville Georgia. 30215”. From his phone to two co-workers at 3:53 AM: “The dogs are in the enclosed pool area. Garage side door is open”. From Nancy's phone to two co-workers: “My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane. Fayetteville Georgia. 30215”. I should note that this is a different physical address than I had for him on file for Figure Four Weekly. From Nancy's phone to two co-workers at 3:55 AM: “My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane. Fayetteville Georgia. 30215." And from Nancy's phone to one co-worker at 3:58 AM: “My address is 130 Green Meadow Lane. Fayetteville Georgia. 30215”. It is very likely that Benoit was basically telling people to check the house, and that he killed himself moments after sending these texts. WWE.com said that throughout the day Sunday WWE attempted to get hold of him both at home and at Atlanta hospitals, but heard nothing. At 12:30 PM on Monday, "WWE officials were notified of the text messages sent to the co-workers the previous day." I cannot confirm this, but the belief was that it was a problem with the cell phone provider delivering the messages late. Within fifteen minutes, WWE had contacted police in Fayetteville, asking them to check the residence. "Fayetteville County Sheriffs office made contact with WWE at approximately 4:00 p.m. advising that they had entered the house of Chris Benoit and found three deceased bodies – an adult male, adult female and a male child. WWE was told that Benoit’s home was now considered a major crime scene. The decision to cancel the live event scheduled in Corpus Christi that night was made between 4:00 and 5:00 p.m. In keeping with company policy, and with limited knowledge regarding facts of the case, WWE choose to air a memorial dedicated to the career of Chris Benoit. As facts emerged surrounding the case, all tributes to Chris Benoit were removed both on-air and on WWE.com."
115
116ESPN.com reported: "In an interview with ESPN.com on Tuesday, [District Attorney Scott] Ballard indicated that the boy had needle marks in his arms. The district attorney said he believed that the boy had been given growth hormones for some time because the family considered him undersized." This horrifying detail reminded me of a story from another ill-fated family, the Von Erich's. Chris Von Erich, the smallest member of the family, was according to one source diagnosed with some form of dwarfism or related disease, and told he would likely not end up taller than five and a half feet or so. Fritz, the wrestling patriarch, used his connections to get a doctor to provide Chris human growth hormone. Kerry, who was jacked to the gills, wanted the GH for bodybuilding purposes and traded with Chris for prescription pills and other drugs. Both Kerry and Chris, along with brother Mike, ultimately committed suicide. At press time, we do not know whether Daniel had been prescribed GH or whether Benoit and/or Nancy procured the drugs on their own. Ballard did say, "The boy was very small, even dwarfed", which indicates the drugs were prescribed for legitimate medical usage. There was also an article that quote Pam Winthrope of Delta, Vancouver, who claimed she knew the Benoit family through a support group for victims of Fragile X syndrome, an inherited mental impairment. She claimed Daniel had Fragile X, and that she had also seen first-hand how the disease could tear families apart. None of this information was confirmed at press time.
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120Note on this issue
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124Nearly everything written from this point forward was done before the Benoit story broke. A few things in reference to him have been removed, but otherwise it is as it was originally written. I didn't want to throw anything out because I have learned after many deaths that people still like to try to get their minds of the issue by thinking about something else. There are no news sections this week because I had planned on putting them together Monday and Tuesday, and obviously that all fell through. We will catch up next week. I also was unable to do any editing or read back anything I wrote. I apologize for any mistakes, lack of quality, etc. Hopefully we can try to get things back to normal next week. I greatly appreciate everyone's support.
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128Penn beats Pulver at Ultimate Fighter V finale
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132I attended this event live with a number of friends, including Ed in San Antonio, who has been calling Wrestling Observer Live since I believe day one, Vinny, Mike Sawyer from our website, Brian Fritz from Between the Ropes, and Biggsaxxy from our BOARD~!, who probably has a real name but is more affectionately known by his handle.
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134I wrote the following report before the Benoit incident and had not written an introduction. This is it. Our trip to Vegas was a lot of fun and I had a lot of things at the time that I wanted to write about it, and about UFC, but right now I can't think about it too much. As noted earlier, I'll hopefully catch up on a lot of stuff next week. I do want to say, as I have said many times, that I have yet to meet a Figure Four Weekly reader that was a not really cool person. We had such a fun time. We took about a thousand pictures of the hijinx, about a dozen of which are up on our Board right now. Shortly before writing this, I went up and looked at them again and I got a chance to smile, which was something I desperately needed on Tuesday night. These pictures really made me smile. So I just want to say thank you to you guys and let you know how much fun I had that weekend and how happy I am to be able to meet people like you.
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1391. HANDSOME MATT WIMAN vs. Brian Geraghty. Wiman took him down quickly for the ground and pound. I should note that on the way downstairs I saw Steve Mazzagatti in the elevator, and the big news of the weekend was that he'd SHAVED HIS MOUSTACHE. He also, along with Herb Dean, had been at the Strikeforce show in San Jose the night before, so the referees were ON THE ROAD~! this weekend. Herb was signing autographs all over the place. Anyway, Wiman pounded on young Geraghty, so Geraghty turned over and exposed his back. Wiman continued pounding on him until the referee stopped it.
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141You'll never guess who was sitting in the front row about ten feet from us. Gina Carrano. I hope Mauro Ranallo isn't reading this, he'll be jealous. She is, in fact, super hot. The best part of it was that sitting near her were some very bubbly Vegas-style women giggling and bouncing around, and Gina had this look on her face like she was embarrassed to be of the same sex. It ruled.
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1432. Allen Berube vs. Leonard Garcia. Diego Sanchez sat down right next to Fritz before this fight. Fritz asked how he was doing and Diego said his time off recovering from a staph infection was great because it allowed him to get THIS, and then he lifted up his shirt to show his new tattoo. This made him very excited. Then he got up and walked off. He was a weird dude. He also said he believed his next fight was going to be against Hayato Sakurai. Allen, the former MONSTAH LOBSTAH, was spared his job after Dana White fired Noah and Marlon for having the most technical streetfight in the history of the world. If you'll recall, Allen played the John McCarthy role in that fight and was also kicked off the show. Apparently Dana figured that nobody would remember the referee (which is usually the sign of a great referee) and allowed him to fight again. Crowd was very quiet during this fight. Lobstah took him down. Garcia switched and ended up in a guillotine. They rolled around and Garcia ended up in the mount for the ground and pound. Lobstah gave up his back and Garcia tapped him out.
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145"DAMMIT!" Lobstah said.
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147Garcia cut a funny promo afterwards, saying he thought this was going to be a stand-up fight but apparently the Lobstah was scared.
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149They showed a really cool UFC video to the live crowd. It's one of those highlight videos that you often see at WWE events that just blows you away, and you wonder why it's never aired on television. It made UFC look like just about the coolest thing in the world.
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1513. Gray Maynard vs. Rob Emerson. Gray's new nickname is THE BULLY. Good heat. I don't know if it's possible for Gray to have a bad fight. The deal with him is that he's not afraid to do stuff out of fear of possibly losing his position. A great back and forth battle. We were sitting right behind four hot girls. I know for sure that one of them was the wife of Joe Stephenson, so in other words, not girls to mess with. They were positioned right in front of the cage door, so basically it was their job to look hot on television, clap, cheer and bounce around. So during this fight, three of the girls are clapping and cheering and bouncing around, and the fourth one is screaming advice about posturing up and elbow escaping. This was the best. Gray ended the round with a ground and pound. Hell of a first. In the second, just moments in, Gray grabbed him and gave him a huge fucking pro-wrestling sidewalk slam. As soon as he landed, Rob tapped out. In the first round he'd been rocked with a HARD body shot, and apparently this slam finished the job, perhaps popping a rib. The place went nuts with joy. But then Gray didn't get up. He was just lying there. This was odd. So they showed a replay, and what happened was Gray did this giant sidewalk slam, and on the way down he DDT'D HIMSELF and was knocked unconscious. So basically, Emerson tapped out to an unconscious foe. They showed it over and over and it took awhile for everyone to figure out what happened, and when they did there was a great buzz. About two thousand people hit the Octagon for a giant discussion. Dana was flabbergasted. Crowd was chanting "MAYNARD!" This discussion went on for about five minutes, until finally the ring announcer said that the referee had called a stop to this contest and ruled it a draw since both men were unable to continue. Thunderous boos and "BULLSHIT!" chants. Gray was devastated, practically crying. Joe Rogan hit the ring to interview him and he insisted that he'd NOT been knocked unconscious. He claimed he was just rolling over, and "of course I was a little tired." Rogan was insisting he was out, saying his eyes rolled back in his head. Gray said no, and fuck, he wasn't knocked out right now was he? This was a five star heel promo, because he started out beloved and was getting booed like crazy by the end. So then, straight out of pro-wrestling, they decided to interview the referee, Mazzagatti. He just hung his head, wanting no part of this. He said all he saw was the tapout. He passed the heat to the commission, saying this finish was what they ruled, and it was a finish he did not agree with. The people were now screaming in anger. Emerson then cut a promo saying he couldn't consider this a win, and basically turning himself babyface. This was seriously like the best pro-wrestling-style angle of the year, and they were talking about a rematch pretty much before either guy got out of the cage.
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1534. Cole Miller vs. Andy Wang. Cole murdered him with basically a karate kid style crane kick. Helio Gracie stopped wearing his red belt a few years back, and gave himself a white belt. He was unhappy that so many guys were giving out "black belts" left and right, and wanted to make a statement. Andy Wang here is said to be a black belt in jiu-jitsu. Maybe he is. I know that my instructor at the Pedro Sauer school has been doing jiu-jitsu for ten years or so, and used to train pretty much every day, and is fucking awesome, and he's currently only a purple belt. Andy Wang here, the black belt, didn't go for one takedown this entire fight, much like he didn't go for a single takedown during his fight on Ultimate Fighter. This has caused me to greatly question his black belt status. I should also note that in his 5-7 record, four of the wins have been via decision and he's only won a single fight via submission. He also lost once via knockout and six times via decision. So anyway, he got knocked the fuck out by Daniel-san and some dude behind me screamed at the top of his lungs, "THAT'S AN ASS-WHIPPING RIGHT THERE, BROTHER!" Indeed. Andy complained about the finish, then was taken away, perhaps never to be seen in UFC again. Cole dedicated this fight to his grandfather afterwards.
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1555. Brandon Melendez vs. Joe Lauzon. Brandon is now THE MURDERER, which is a step up from THE BULLY. I guess that's why he's on later. Lauzon's nickname is, in fact, J-LO Joe Lauzon. J-LO. The girls in front of us, upon hearing that, turned around and asked, "WHAT was his nickname!?" "J-Lo," I said. There was a pause. Then one of them, I believe Stephenson's wife, said, "That's cute!" and then they all giggled. Shows you what I know. So J-Lo took him down and went to work with the ground and pound. He went for a choke but Melendez made it back to his feet. Joe shot in and Brandon pulled guard. Wash, rinse, repeat. Joe got his back and tried to a choke, then nearly got a heel hook as the round ended. More of the same in the second. Joe scored an awesome takedown and got the mount, then the back. Brandon got free, but then Joe hooked a triangle for the pin. Looked like it was just a matter of time the whole fight.
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157Joe did a funny promo afterwards saying Brandon always gave people his back and so he didn't want to capitalize on that, but then Brandon just kept giving it to him over and over, so he took it.
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159They showed another UFC video that was seriously one of the coolest packages I've ever seen. HOW CAN THIS STUFF NOT AIR ON TV?
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161And so it was time for the live show. They didn't do any sort of countdown or anything like they do at pro-wrestling shows. They just started fights.
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1636. Doug Evans vs. Roger Huerta. Huerta is the gigantic Hispanic draw that nobody in the US ever hears about. He got the cover of Sports Illustrated, which probably should have been a bigger deal than it was, and he's a huge media star in Mexico and other heavily Hispanic areas around the country. In fact, there was a Hispanic gentleman sitting right next to us that showed up, watched Huerta's fight, patted him on the back afterwards, and then vanished. So anyway, young Huerta came out and looked horrible throughout the first round. Evans got his back and went for a choke, and it looked like Huerta might be in trouble, but he escaped. This was totally Evans' round. Huerta ended up coming out from round two with pain on his mind. They ended up on the ground and Huerta got side control, then the mount, then the back. He pummeled him forever, then looked up at the ref as if to say, "Are you going to stop this or what?" The ref finally stopped it. A good win, but Huerta hardly blew through the guy as he probably should have.
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1657. FLOYD SWORD vs. Thales Leites. They showed yet another awesome video package before the fight. Hopefully this one ended up on television. It was basically highlights of several huge knockouts, submissions, scrambles, etc. Leites took him down with a slam and went to work. Sword stood up, only to get slammed again. Leites finally put him in a sweet head and arm choke for the submission.
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167They replayed the Gray Maynard fight here and apparently heavily truncated the post-fight shenanigans. That's a shame, because they were fantastic.
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169Jens was rolling backstage. Throughout the night they'd cut back there to show shots of him and BJ warming up. Jens had been rolling for like three hours at this point. BJ, on the other hand, was sitting there just chilling out, unmoving. He said this way for like three hours. Normally, perceived laziness by BJ Penn would be comedy fodder. Not this time. I saw him sitting there all stoic and though, oh boy, young Jens is in trouble tonight.
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171So at this point they announced that the semi-final was going to take place in 20 minutes, so if we had anything we needed to get done, we should get to it. So we walked around, looked at people, sent texts back and forth to our friends, sat down, watched the UFC logo flash on the screens, etc. And then, after about fifteen minutes, they announced that the semi-final would start in JUST FIFTEEN MORE MINUTES. I think in the end we estimated that it was 55 minutes between fights. Boy, did this suck. Worse, at the time they were playing prelims for the viewers at home. However, instead of playing those same prelims on the big screen, they instead just aired the UFC logo. I realize we had already seen them, but some of them were pretty fun and even a replayed fight from earlier in the evening would have been more exciting than that damn UFC logo. The crowd actually seemed rather OK with this long break all things considered. The only thing I can think is that UFC has lots of long breaks at all their shows, and most everyone here was a regular attendee of Vegas shows.
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1738. Nate Diaz vs. Manny Gaburyan. Nate in his pre-fight promo said people often asked him about being in the shadow of his brother Nick. He said there was nothing bad about being in Nick Diaz's shadow, but being in the shadow of Karo Parisyan, that would suck. This made me laugh. Nick, I should note, because of his suspension for marijuana-stupidity-related offenses, was not allowed to corner his brother, and Karo didn't show up to corner Manny either. There's a storyline thrown right out the window. Eight million people showed up to corner both guys. Manny got tons of boos and Nate was super over. Manny went right for a takedown early and hooked Nate in a guillotine that looked tight. People were freaking out. He escaped to a giant pop. "DIAZ!" After a short ground and pound, Nate made it back to his feet. Manny took him right back down. The funniest part of all of this was that Manny's corner, right there pretty much touching the cage, was watching the fight on the giant monitors as opposed to looking at what was right in front of them. Nate went for an uma plata, then a kimura. He missed both. Round ended, and Manny had owned the dude. So round two started and Manny shot in, and then suddenly the ref waved the fight off. Everyone around me was like, "What the FUCK just happened!?" They showed a bunch of replays and it wasn't clear. All we knew was that the guy shot in and then started tapping. They announced Nate the winner via submission, then Dana hit the ring to present him with his check, his TROFEO~!, and a new watch. Bet Nate has plenty of uses for that watch, such as eBay.
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175"Congratulations, buddy," Dana said. "You're the winner."
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177So they interviewed Nate and he said the house sucked and he couldn’t recommend it. He put over Manny huge, noting that he looked great in the first round. And then he started talking about how he hoped UFC would be more respectful to his brother Nick in the future. He made sure to thank Dana afterwards. Manny cut a promo and said that his shoulder had popped out during the fight, and that it wasn't the first time. He said it happened with Joe during the TUF show, and he went home and figured it would be OK. Then it popped out again here. He said it hurt so bad that he thought he'd broken his shoulder and his neck. Yes, that would suck a big one.
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1799. BJ Penn vs. Jens Pulver. BJ was in shape, that's for sure. Jens came out to his own personalized song, "They call me Little Evil". This was quite wacky. Speaking of, Undertaker, who took the nickname Big Evil since he was such a fan of Pulver, did not appear to be in the building this evening. BJ looked a bit nervous, but also deadly serious. Pulver was very calm. The crowd was going nuts for the intros, and it was quite the amazing scene to be there live. Penn rocked him right at the bell, then rushed in, picked him up and slammed him. There was no famed takedown defense from young Pulver this evening. BJ was a man on a mission. Everyone was chanting his name. BJ picked him up and slammed him again. He got the mount, then the back, then went for an armbar and a triangle. To me, it looked like he could have gotten the armbar but let it go to put on something else. Jens escaped to the guard and Penn stood back up. Just an awesome first round. So they went back to the corner, and BJ, who never used to train all that hard, was sitting there looking pretty much exactly like he'd been sitting earlier in the evening. He wasn't even breathing hard. They went back out and it was more of the same. BJ took him down, got the mount, ground and pound. To me, it looked like he was making a statement. The statement went something like this: "I can armbar you, triangle you or otherwise submit you at any given time with great ease, but I am going to beat the shit out of you and punch you in the face repeatedly before finishing you off instead." Pulver did a hell of a job hanging on, but ultimately gave up his back and Penn sunk in a rear naked choke for the submission. This got a gigantic ovation. Let history record that in the rematch he'd been wanting for five years, BJ Penn beat the holy living fuck out of Jens Pulver. And then when it was over, all the hate was gone, and both guys rolled around on the Octagon floor hugging like two Hobbits. During this love-fest they showed shots from early of Matt Hughes, totally devastated at what was happening to young Jens. BJ will probably get a screen-capture of this and put it on his computer as wallpaper.
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181Pulver cut a great promo afterwards, basically thanking everyone including BJ for beating the piss out of him. He seemed to indicate that he was now going to start training with him. Now it really sucks to be Hughes. He noted that he was going down to 145, probably for the big superfight with WEC's Urijah Faber, arguably the best fighter in the world right now at that weight. They tried to interview BJ, but he simply said if you wanted his feeling on the fight you could go to BJPenn.com.
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183After the fight, we were taken upstairs to the press room. We were all given copies of BJ's new MMA instructional manual, the Book of Knowledge.
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185Roger Huerta was in the middle of his speech. He basically said he learned in the first round that this Doug Evans fellow was trying to, you know, beat his ass. He could not have that. So he beat him up and one. This was a great speech.
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187BJ was in next. As soon as he walked into the room someone held up their laptop and alerted him that his site had been crashed by all the traffic. He was so overjoyed. He said he had been fighting the last five years just to get revenge on Pulver for beating him. "That was the thing that made me hungry," he said. Hunger would go on to be a common theme in this interview. He said he was a grown man now and had not drank a sip of alcohol in six months. He said he did tons of cardio and trained five ten-minute rounds every single day. He said he used to only train 30 minutes per day (!), and that this was his most satisfying victory of all time. He was asked if he was going to quit all of that hard work now and go eat at Burger King, and he said no, he was going to continue to work out like this because he wanted to see just how great BJ Penn could become. He said he wanted Hughes. He talked about how he used to eat at Burger King and McDonald's all the time, and loved his fast food so much that he once tried to do the Zone Diet with Burger King food, getting point counts for like eight French fries, etc. He said Jens felt really light at 155. I asked him if he'd stretched out the beating as opposed to trying to beat Jens really quickly, and he didn't really have an answer, but said his goal had been to KO Jens from the mount. Someone asked him if he held onto the choke a bit too long. He said he did not recall. He said he'd never been finished before in his career, and being finished by Hughes was the most embarrassing thing ever. He said he knew it sounded like an excuse, but the truth was that he popped a rib in that fight and couldn't do a thing. I asked him what he'd say if Dana told him he could have the rematch with Hughes provided they both did another season of Ultimate Fighter. He didn't seem high on that part of the idea. He was asked who the best fighter in the world was, and he said Fedor. He said he really wished he had some of Fedor's "judo stuff", and said the thing about him that he liked best was that he was a gutsy fighter who wasn't afraid to try things. He said he went from 23% bodyfat to 7%, and that when he was fat his goal was to never have anything larger than a 34 inch waist. He said he walked into the Octagon for the fight at 163. Jens weight in at 153, so there was probably close to 10 pounds difference at fight time, which with a guy like BJ is a lot of weigh to be giving up. He said his coach, Tony Aponte, had taken his phone away for weeks so he wouldn’t have any distractions. He said Tony was going to help him get up to 170, and this time it would be a 170 of all muscle, not fat. He said he was bummed that his fighters didn't make it o the finals, but he put over Manny and Nate huge. I asked him about not rolling before the fight that night, and he said that he ate so much that he felt he could have fought all night long, and didn't feel the need to roll or hit the mitts. This was a great answer. He was in a FOOD COMA. I've been there. I usually don't feel like I could fight for hours afterwards, though. He said he'd only heard the results of the Shamrock/Baroni fight and couldn't comment, but he did want to put over Shamrock as being a great fighter.
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191Shamrock beats Baroni
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195Frank Shamrock beat Phil Baroni in one of the gutsiest fights you'll see in the main event of the Strikeforce PPV on June 22nd in San Jose. Both guys went into the ring in not condition to compete, and still provided us with one of the best first rounds of the year.
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197Shamrock tore his MCL and destroyed his ACL while rolling with Sokodjou (who also just signed with EXC) two weeks ago. He was a guest on Wrestling Observer Live Sunday night, and while I didn't know what the problem was it was very clear that something was wrong. He didn't sound happy at all, and I just figured he had reached the point where he was badly overtrained. He did make an offhanded comment about how he'd been training on his back for the last several weeks. As it turns out, his knee was so bad that he needed one of those electric wheelchairs to get around the store, and there was zero chance of him trying any shoots during the Baroni fight.
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199Baroni was also badly injured, suffering what is believed to be a torn groin. Mick Foley, who fell off a cage and was nearly killed, said the most painful injury he'd ever received was a groin tear, and it's such that any movement at all is extremely painful. Baroni was all black and blue below the waist and obviously had very limited mobility.
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201They fought anyway.
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203The hype for this show was awesome. Frank Shamrock studied pro-wrestling to learn how to do business in MMA, and Baroni grew up a huge wrestling fan in the Northeast. The hype special for this event, which aired on Showtime and sadly didn't do much of a rating, was such that if it had been a UFC All Access building up a PPV main event, it would have done no less than 1 million buys.
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205As it was, it did just over 10,000 fans live and probably a pretty miniscule buyrate. It was a pretty big deal locally, though not as big as the first Strikeforce event, and unfortunately wasn't very big nationally largely due to the small penetration of Showtime as compared to a cable network like Spike. To the people who cared, though, they worked magic. Dave Meltzer was there and said the buzz before the main event rivaled anything he'd seen ("Hottest crowd I've seen at a fight"), and Admin Tony was there with Mike Coughlin and was so sucked in that he concluded his online report with this: "Awesome, amazing, excellent, a must see match."
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207The first round was largely a stand-up war. Shamrock actually tagged him with a hard shot early and stunned him, and the question afterwards was whether, with full mobility, that would have been a knockout blow. Something similar happened in the second round when Baroni hit Shamrock so hard it spun him all the way around, and again, with full range of motion and no groin injury, could that have ended the fight? We'll never know. Shamrock got a warning for throwing another illegal shot to the back of the head, which played into his ongoing storyline (his last fight with Renzo Gracie ended via DQ after he was warned multiple times about delivering illegal knees to the back of the head from the ground).
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209Because both guys had been severely injured, training cardio in a traditional manner was virtually impossible. As it was, after an awesome first round that Shamrock dominated, both guys were dying going into the second. The action slowed, but the tension was high. Baroni, who may have been out on his feet for much of the first round after the first stunning shot and the punch to the back of the head, was going for desperation shoots. Shamrock finally got behind him and clamped on a rear-naked choke. Baroni refused to tap, threw one punch behind towards Shamrock, and then started to go out. The ref stopped the fight. Both guys collapsed in a heap and they called in all the medical personnel to go to work.
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211The questions coming out of the fight are who is next for both guys, how long they'll be out of action, and, intriguingly, whether Frank might be suspended by the California State Athletic Commission. Head Armando Garcia made it very clear that he didn't want any type of showboating or entertaining, he only wanted ACTION. Several times during the first round Frank was taunting Baroni, and the crowd was going nuts. It made for a more enjoyable fight, but it was also a violation of the rules. No suspension had been handed down at press time, and if such a thing happens the question is whether it will start immediately or start when Shamrock returns from knee surgery (which is a necessity, and will probably put him out of action six to eight months minimum).
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213Baroni claimed that Dana White had told him that if he beat Frank he'd be given a title shot in UFC, but White later denied that. He did say he'd give Baroni a fight in UFC if he knocked Frank out, and that he'd also adopt him as a son. I have no idea where this loss puts him.
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215Shamrock at this point in his career is all about the business. I get the impression that during the period where he was undoubtedly one of the best in the world he made almost no money off fighting, and now that there is tons of money to be made he realizes that at 34 and having been training for so many years maybe he's not quite at the level of today's elite fighters. He is in a position as a part-owner in EXC to be able to handpick his opponents, which is how the Baroni fight came about. Basically, he wants guys with good stories who can talk, and also guys that will at least provide him with a challenge. Cesar Gracie, for example, was destined to be decimated. Baroni was at least a solid opponent, solid enough that a lot of people picked him to win. Perhaps they'll rematch when both are healthy. After this fight, I guarantee that would do at least the same business this fight did, and probably better. The other major money fight, particularly locally, would be Shamrock vs. Cung Le in a battle of the two biggest stars in all of Strikeforce. Shamrock would be favored to win, but Cung Le has done well for himself against hand-picked opponents, and anything can happen in a fight. The other fight that has long been discussed is Frank vs. Ken Shamrock, which Frank at least seems one hundred percent willing to do. He noted on Observer Live that Ken used to beat the shit out of him back in the day and he'd love the opportunity to avenge himself. Plus, he noted, they'd fought for free so many times in the past, they might as well do it for big money today. Shamrock has only stated that he is in training for some sort of return. He claims he never said he was retired, though he did use those exact words to people backstage following his final loss to Tito Ortiz.
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217The official attendance was 10,850 to the HP Pavilion in San Jose. The show airs all this week on PPV, and the main card will air in HD on Showtime this coming Saturday night, June 30th, at 10:00 PM. We'll do a full review of the show in next week's newsletter. For now, complete results saw Seth Kleinbeck beat Sam Spengler via TKO in 2:55 of round two, Chris Cariaso beat Anthony Figueroa via decision in three rounds, Rex Richards beat Ray Seraille via TKO in 34 seconds of round one, Luke Stewart beat Jason Von Flue in 2:17 of the third round via TKO, Mike Pyle (not Mike Kyle) beat Aaron Wetherspoon via unanimous decision after three rounds, Nik Theotikos beat Nikk Covert via knockout in 1:13 of the first round, Edson Berto beat Victor Valenzuela in 47 seconds via heel hook submission, Paul Buentello upset Carter Williams by knocking out the K-1 star in 10 seconds of the second round, Murilo Ninja beat Joey Villansenor to win the EXC Middleweight Title via TKO in 1:05 of round two, Josh Thompson beat Nick Gonzalez via submission in 1:42 of the 1st round, Cung Le beat Tony Fryklund via TKO in 25 seconds of round three, Shamrock beat Baroni in 4:00 of round two via choke, and Paul Daley shockingly knocked out Duane "Bang" Ludwig in 42 seconds of round two.
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219Yes, there were 13 fights on this show. They did a two-hour Internet-only PPV on proelite.com (which crashed a few times we're told), then some swing bouts, then the three-hour PPV, and then the final swing bout with Ludwig. Amazingly, despite the length the crowd was still going nuts for the main event, and Tony said the show didn't drag at all, which is the sign of an excellent event.
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223Vengeance 2007
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227Vengeance was exactly what everyone expected. One of a million major shows in June sandwiched between a bunch of other shows promoted in an utterly useless manner on television and put together but a completely burnt out writing crew. It wasn't horrible, though there were some horrible things on the show, but it was an event where I suspect anyone who paid for it sat there afterwards and thought, "Why did I just pay $40 for a Raw?" And in fact, this was sandwiched between three Raw that realistically were all bigger than this PPV.
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229They said for the first time ever all the titles were on the line for a PPV. I could have sworn that was Backlash like two months ago. Justin Roberts came out and introduced two former legendary champions, Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo. Yay~! They actually had clips of them from the mid-80s.
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231They had a pretty fancy set with giant pillars, a red carpet, etc. It's funny how they made this seem like a really huge deal tonight, but last week, on the free TV, they acted like they could have cared less.
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2331. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardyz for the Raw Tag Titles. Rednecks did the overexaggerated babyface role. These guys were working very hard early. I'm more impressed with Cade every time I see him. Good guys ran wild early until the heels made a blind tag and Cade clipped Matt's leg. There was a lot of stuff here where I'm glad the ref didn't call for a DQ or countout out of fear of being heavily fined. Jeff got the hot tag and ran wild. He hit the twist of fate on Cade for a nearfall that the folks counted along for. He went up top for the senton, but Murdoch cut him off. Trevor had a huge black eye that apparently he got two nights earlier at a house show. Be basically shoved him and Jeff managed to pretty much crotch and neck the top rope on the way down. That was impressive. Cade then hit basically a uranage sitout powerbomb dealie for the pin. That's a great finisher. Pretty good opener. (**3/4)
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235Booker T and Sharmell had a meeting backstage. She said he had to be careful because he was going to be facing four tough men that wanted to walk out champion. He said he was King Booker, the former tag, WCW, World, US, etc., champion. And just last year, he said, he was crowned the Champion of Champions. He said his name was SYNONYMOUS with "Champion", and tonight he would prove it.
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237Throughout the night they were showing clips of great championship wins of the past. The first was Eddy beating Brock Lesnar at No Way Out. That was a hell of a match and a great night. Eddy was a great man.
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2392. Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Wang Yang for the Smackdown Cruiserweight Title. Dean Malenko was shown watching on backstage. After all these years, Michael Cole is still using the term "pound and ground". How maddening. Chavo got the heat by hiptossing the Redneck into the corner, dropping him on the back of his head. That was brutal. Chavo worked him over in a Guerrerorrific fashion. Yang made a big comeback, hitting a dropkick off a top and a high cross. The fans thought he'd won with this high cross. Seriously. Chavo with the rolling vertical suplexes. Lots of boos. Cole said he wouldn't call the suplexes a tribute to Eddy. Well, what would you call them? Perhaps an Eddy to tribute. Wang missed a moonsault off the top. Chavo went for the Gory especial bomb, but Wang rolled him up for a hot nearfall. Chavo finally crotched him on the top rope and – and – and our cable went out. Sucks to be us. (**1/2)
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241Ross and Lawler talked about Vince's death. They showed footage of the explosion and when they finished, the fans were signing the goodbye song.
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2433. Johnny Nitro vs. CM Punk for the vacant ECW Heavyweight Title. They said this was Punk's first-ever singles match with a world title on the line. Justin Roberts merely said that Nitro would be replacing Benoit, without actually explaining why. Styles said Benoit wasn't there for personal reasons, but would say no more. Crowd chanted "WE WANT TABLES!" Nitro outwrestled early, so Punk broke out his MUAY THAI KICKS~! Styles got in a "ground and pound" line. That made me laugh. Punk cut him off and worked over his shoulder. Crowd REALLY wanted tables at this point. Instead, they got HOLDS. So they chanted "BORING!" Punk made his big comeback and Nitro bumped like a madman. Nitro made a cover and hooked the ropes with his feet, but the ref caught him. Punk went for the GTS but Nitro sunset flipped him. Punk sat forwards on him for a nearfall. Finish saw Punk set up for a springboard, but Nitro kicked him in the stomach, pulled him into the ring so his feet were on the ropes, then hit his flipping neckbreaker for the pin. His reactions afterwards were hilarious, like he had gotten the pin and suddenly realized, hey, I won a belt! There you go, Johnny Nitro, the ECW Champion of the Earth. (**)
244
245Clips aired from the Bret vs. Shawn Iron Man Match.
246
247Orton met with Foley and told him to be careful tonight. After all, he might have received a concussion last week at the hands of Umaga. Foley told him to remember the last time they fought, when he dropped Orton into thousands of thumbtacks and fucked him up. Orton said he had one thing for Foley to remember, that being that he won that match. This was good.
248
249They introduced Ricky Steamboat, who got to shake hands with the 2007 version of the Intercontinental Champion, Santino Marella.
250
2514. Santino vs. Umaga for the IC Title. Umaga just destroyed him early, falling back on him and crushing him as Santino tried a sleeper, superkicking him to death, chopping him repeatedly etc. And then he put on a NERVE HOLD. So after beating on him for the entire three minute match, Umaga took him to the corner and refused to break on five, so he was disqualified. Christ this sucked. (DUD)
252
253After the match, Umaga followed it up with the running ass crusher in the corner and the splash off the top. Then he went back in and gave him the thumb for good measure. Everything he did the crowd cheered louder and louder. Maria ran out afterwards to tend to Santino and I thought for sure Umaga was going to thumb her as well, but she was spared.
254
255LEAD INVESTOR BECK IS HERE.
256
257They had MAGNUM TA~! clips. He was in the crowd. He still has a sweet moustache.
258
2595. MVP vs. Ric Flair for the IC Title. This was the best match ever. MVP was being young and loud and cocky and Flair was awesome just reacting to this absurdity. Then he went "WHOO!" repeatedly, chopped and punched him, sent him packing and did the strut. WHOO~! MVP got the heat raking his eyes, dropping him stomach-first onto the top rope, then sending him outside with his running boot. Flair gigged over the nose. Flair is a great babyface in peril. He finally hit a back suplex and went to work. MVP dropped him face-first across the buckle and went for his high kick, but Flair moved. He hit the chop block and went for the figure four. Crowd went nuts. MVP sold and sold and sold, but got the ropes. MVP ended up raking his eyes as the ref was trying to separate them, then hitting the overdrive or whatever the fuck it's called for the pin. That was fun. (**3/4)
260
261Meeting with Edge and Cena. They're both champions, and what was this interview about. Why, Vince McMahon of course! The argument was whether Edge was too big a pussy to actually kill Vince. Edge insisted he was capable of committing such a crime. So Cena said good, and introduced him to INSPECTOR BECK.
262
263Rick Martel and Tony Garea were introduced. Fitting that Garea was there considering who was being introduced next. That would be the Greasers. Domino grabbed the mic and buried them, telling them to feast their eyes on a real set of tag team champions.
264
2656. Greasers vs. Jimmy Snuka & Sgt. Slaughter for the Smackdown Tag Titles. Snuka and Domino started. Seriously. They immediately fucked up a spot. Domino tried two leapfrogs, one facing forward and one facing backwards, and Snuka was too slow to run under him. Sgt. Slaughter was the best worker in this match by a fantastic margin. No mention that Snuka is Deuce's legit father. So Sarge tagged in and beat the shit out of Domino forever. Well, in theory. He was on offense. They finally cut him off. Deuce ended up going up top and trying a Superfly splash to mock Jimmy. He missed. It was a hell of an attempt, though. Jimmy got the hot tag and bumped his son around with a series of karate thrusts. Broke down into a four-way and Sarge tossed Domino outside. Deuce tried to interfere but Sarge cut him off.
266
267So the bad guys attacked the good guys afterwards and who should make the save but Garea and Martel. Jesus Christ, these two should have had the match. Garea looked better in the five minutes I saw here than in the entire Madison Square Garden match from 1979 that I watched a few weeks back.
268
269They introduced Harley Race. Notice when legends appear in WWE they are decked out in fancy suits and ties, whereas in TNA they come out in sweatpants and t-shirts?
270
2717. Edge vs. Batista in the Last Chance World Title match. Dave worked him over early using HOLDS, such as a hammer lock. He repeatedly screamed "GIVE UP!" Edge would not give up early in this Last Chance battle. Edge finally posted him. Isn't that how they get the heat in every Batista match? It's like watching RVD get shoved off the top into the dasher boards. Edge went to work on the shoulder. Crowd was behind Dave, but there was also a large Edge cheering section, right in the first few rows, in fact. As the match wore on it started to turn into more of a Cena reaction, with the girls cheering loudly and the dudes booing. Batista made a pretty hot comeback and the people got into it. He was still selling his shoulder, so good for him. Edge escaped a Big Dave bomb and hit the impant DDT, but Dave kicked out. Edge went for the belt but the referee confiscated it. They traded nearfalls. Edge tried to get a pin using the tights but Dave kicked out. Dave went for the powerslam but Edge turned it into the edge-o-matic (think about that name). He set up for the spear, but then Batista speared him out of his boots. Dave set up for another powerbomb, so Edge punted him in the nuts to save his belt. They announced Batista as the winner, but noted that the belt only changed hands on pinfalls or submissions. As he was leaving, out came Teddy Long, who stated that this match MUST CONTINUE. He said if Edge got himself DQ'd again, he'd lose the belt. Edge went back in, pummeled Dave, then hit the spear. Dave kicked out. Giant pop for that. He went for a chair but realized he couldn’t use it. Dave small packaged him for a nearfall. They ended up outside and Edge pulled him into the steel steps. He went for a spear but Dave kicked him and then laid him out with the Big Dave bomb. Dave threw him into the ring, but didn't get in fast enough himself. So Edge won via countout. So yes, in his last chance, Batista lost via slowness. Better work on your cardio, buddy. Dave gave him a second powerbomb afterwards for good measure. (***1/4)
272
2738. Melina vs. Candace for the Women's Title. Melina cut her off almost immediately and went to work. This match followed a clip with Fabulous Moolah, when she shot on Wendi Richter to win the Women's title in like 1985. Ross was talking about how Moolah never wore an outfit like Candace's. Thank God. Lawler said he was against sex on TV, because he tried it once and fell off. Lawler had some funny lines this evening. Melina finally missed a dive and flew outside, hitting her side on the apron. Candace made her big comeback and was losing her clothes. This was fine. Melina hit a horrible widow's peak, but Candace kicked out. Candace finally hit what was supposed to be her spinning wheel kick for the pin. It was more like a flying elbow and Melina sold it like she'd broke her arm or wrist. Candace wept afterwards she was so happy. I nearly wept as well. YAY CANDACE! (*1/2)
274
275The next legend to be introduced was Bradshaw, who was booed loudly. He demanded Justin Roberts read a prepared statement. It was about how great he was, and how he became greater after leaving the miserable state of Texas, and how he now lived in a lavish Penthouse in New York and was a TV and radio star and the best champion there had ever been in WWE and was your wrestling god. Upon concluding, JBL put his head down, humbled. This was the best thing on the show.
276
2779. John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Mick Foley vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Booker T for the WWE Title. Foley clotheslined Orton over the top rope early and immediately came up holding his knee. Basically, everyone ended up on the floor except Lashley, who then did a running Undertakerr-style dive over the top onto the pile. That was horrifying. Lashley went to work on Cena and cleared off the ECW announcer's table. Foley was back working. He looked Ok. They announced no countouts or DQs, so the guys brawled outside forever. Foley went knees-first into the steps. That has to suck. Cena gave Lashley the FU through the announcer's table. Crowd was going "BOO!" and "YAY!" as Booker and Cena exchanged shots. Booker hit the axe kick but Orton broke it up. Cena went for the five knuckle shuffle on Booker, but ran right into an RKO. Foley broke up the pin. Foley went for socko but Booker broke it up with a kick. Foley got rid of the sock and got a chair, laying out everyone with chairshots until Orton cut him off. Orton hit the running kick on Foley, but then ran into a spear by Lashley. Cena tossed Booker outside, then hit Foley with the FU for the clean pin. This was fun. Seemed like it was cut short or something. (***1/4)
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280
281In House Notes
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283
284
285The number next to your name on the address label indicates which issue your Figure Four Weekly subscription expires with. Thus, if you have a [627] next to your name, this is the final issue of your current subscription.
286
287Very special thanks to the following people for their help in producing Figure Four Weekly this week: Gladys “Granny” Gibson, Dave Meltzer, Tony Leder, Stuart Max, Alex Marvez, Zach Arnold, Colin Vassallo, Jess McGrath, Kris Zellner, Manuel Gonzalez, Craig Proper, Vincent Verhei, Keith Lipinski, Robert Bihari, Dean Baker, The Cubs Fan, Kyle Wolf, Devin Cutting, Shawn Garrett, Bob Barnett, Mike Lano, Adam Lebow, Mike Sempervive, Steve “Dr. Lucha~!” Sims, Forrest Lynn.
288
289Our mailing address is Figure Four Weekly, PO Box 426, Woodinville, WA 98072. Our 24-hour office number is (425) 743-2473. Our fax number is 530-730-2920.
290
291Our e-mail address is figure4@ix.netcom.com. Our PayPal address is bryan@wrestlingobserver.com. When sending news, questions, comments or results, e-mail is the preferred format with postal mail being second.
292
293Our website is online at www.f4wonline.com. The website features giant newsletter (280+ issues), radio show (650+ episodes of Figure Four Daily, The Bryan & Vinny Show, Mike Coughlin’s Five Star Radio, the Dr. Keith Lipinski Show, and The Adam & Mike Big Audio Nightmare), Coughlin, Keith Lipinski, and Derek Burgan archives, the brand new VINNY’S BLOG~!, Bryan Alvarez’s archived columns from Fighting Spirit Magazine and Penthouse, and complete access to our news, interview, and TV/DVD archives dating back to 2005.
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308
309
310
311Bryan's Friend Vince's DVD Review and Karaoke Showcase
312
313
314
315Fun with YouTube
316
317
318"It's very hard to accept. A lot of people are looking at him like he's a bad person, but he's not, he really isn't." That's a quote from Barbara Cutts, whose stepson, Bobby Cutts, Jr., is accused of murdering Jessie Davis, the mother of one of his children, and who carried a child in her womb that may have been his as well. A week ago I would have read this quote, decided Mrs. Cutts was naive and moved on. Now, I sort of empathize with her. By now you've read everything there is to say about the person Chris Benoit was in the first 40 years of his life, and the person he was in his terrible last few days. I can't stand it when others take a moral high ground and tell me how to feel, so I'm going to avoid preaching. But I will say that there is a difference between an evil man, and a good man who does evil acts, even when those acts are the greatest crime against God and nature I can fathom. What drives a man to those depths I can't begin to guess, but that's between Benoit and God now. With that in mind, this tape review is most definitely not dedicated to Chris Benoit. It's not dedicated to anybody. If it hadn't been written before the atrocity in Atlanta this weekend, it wouldn't be here at all. In the end, it's just a bunch of stupid little words about some silly matches. I hope they entertain you for five or ten minutes".
319
320I just feel like watching a bunch of unrelated crap tonight, so we turn to America’s favorite video sharing Web site.
321
322Midnight Rockers in Memphis – Part 13. Yes, I’m starting with part 13. Because I can. Lance Russell hyped a no-DQ, no-time limit match between the Rockers and the Rock & Roll Express, with the held-up AWA tag titles on the line. That is not a typo, these two teams actually met with the AWA titles on the line. That sounds so weird. They showed clips of a double-pin finish between the teams, which lead to the belts being held up. We saw nothing but punches and roll-ups, but watching Shawn Michaels wrestle Ricky Morton was still cool. Cut to a Rockers promo. This feud was apparently called the ROCK & ROLL SUMMIT~! Jannetty in his denim jacket and Michaels in his leather cut a typical heel promo, saying the Rock & Rolls were the past, they were the future. Cut to a Rock & Roll promo. Morton said that they’d been told over and over they’d never win, they were too small, and they’d gone and won four world tag team titles. Morton was wearing a denim shirt, and Gibson had a Don Johnson-special dinner jacket over plain t-shirt. He never got to speak. They plugged the rematch one more time, including “FREE PARKING!” in blinking letters, then it ended. Well, I would have liked to have seen, you know, a MATCH in there.
323
324Big Van Vader vs. Bam Bam Bigelow. From NJPW in September of 1988. Vader was still wearing a full mask, not the jockstrap he was most famous for. Bam Bam rolled away from a few lockups and the crowd was VERY impressed. They did the “both guys hit tackles but nobody goes down spot,” and the Japanese fans LOVED these two ugly American monsters not taking bumps. Bigelow finally hit a hiptoss and everyone went nuts. Vader bailed and began to throw furniture around at ringside. He was about as lean here as I’ve ever seen him, just a big, thick scary motherfucker in a mask. The kiddies loved Bigelow and chanted his name. Bam Bam Bigelow: Friend of children everywhere. Vader finally got back in and they did a test of strength. Vader forced Bigelow down to his knees, but then Bigelow started to fight back. Vader responded with a mighty wailing bellow, like a distressed muskox. He cut Bammer off with punches and went to work. Bam Bam made a brief comeback, but when he grabbed a headlock Vader dropped him with a back suplex. Easy, basic power spot. Vader hit an avalanche in the corner and Bigelow did a Greg Valentine face plant. Vader hit a bodyslam for two, then clotheslined Bam Bam over the ropes to the floor. He climbed back in, but Vader just picked him up and slammed him with ease. He was, in fact, strong. Vader went up top and hit, well, a move. Bam Bam was on his feet, and Vader landed on his feet and kind of threw his arms around Bigelow’s head and Bigelow fell down. Basically, Vader hit him with his entire body. They brawled outside, but Bam Bam quickly recovered and started his comeback back in the ring. He was unloading on Vader in the corner when the ref took a bump in a spot so absurd everyone laughed. In the following confusion, Vader surprised Bam Bam with the IRON CLAW~! Bam Bam got the ropes, but Vader refused to break. When he finally did, Bam Bam fired back with a jumping shoulder tackle. Vader tried to take a bump over the top, but couldn’t quite make it. Bam Bam dumped him over, and they brawled on the floor for the double DQ. This was fine stuff, though that’s about 80 percent due to Bam Bam.
325
326Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Kimo. The great thing about YouTube (I mean, besides that it’s every video ever, for free) is you’ll find one video, then a bunch of similar videos will appear that you can scroll through. I’ve seen big matches before, but this may have been the biggest. After all, this was a “TRIPLE MAIN EVENT SPECIAL FIGHT.” I can’t top that. Bam Bam came out in an amateur singlet. Kimo was wearing Speedos and was not at his most jacked up-ness. Kimo shot for a single-leg at the bell. Bam Bam stuffed him briefly, but soon found himself on his back with Kimo in his half-guard. He had his arms around Kimo’s head and was holding on for dear life. Kimo moved on to full guard and hit a bunch of strong punches from there. Bam Bam did his best to fight Kimo off, but it was pretty clear that he had no idea what to do. He gave up his back (that made it clear that Kimo was WAY smaller than him), Kimo hooked a rear naked choke and Bam Bam tapped almost immediately. Thus ended the MMA career of Bam Bam Bigelow. They showed him walking backstage with an eye that was quickly swelling, telling someone that he was fine. The doctors checked his eye until Bam Bam politely but firmly asked that they please turn the cameras off. Bam Bam had just been killed by Kimo, but this cameraman was not Kimo, so he did the wise thing and turned the damn thing off immediately.
327
328Big Van Vader vs. El Gigante. FUCK YES. This was from – I swear – THE TOKYO DOME. Gigante was, in fact, tall. He also had, without question, the funniest lockup in all the world. They showed Jushin Liger on commentary. I can only imagine what he was saying. Gigante took Vader to the corner, but Vader soon turned him around and laid a whuppin’ on him. He grabbed a waistlock in preparation for a German suplex that would never, ever happen, but the fans bought it. Gigante countered this suplex by falling down. Vader hit a splash for two. Gigante on his knees was seriously almost as tall as Vader. Gigante made a comeback with a big boot, forearms and KNIFE-EDGE CHOP~! He hit the claw, but Vader made the ropes. Gigante hit an anemic tackle, and thankfully Vader got himself over the ropes this time, landing on the ramp. They brawled out there until the ref counted them both out, which the fans HATED with passion and fury. It’s strange to hear Japanese fans boo as loud as they can. Vader retrieved his war helmet and it fired steam into Gigante’s face. You know what? I was prepared to rip this to shreds, but it really wasn’t bad at all. That says something about Vader, obviously.
329
330Nick Bockwinkel vs. K.O. Mat Murphy. This was for the Western Heavyweight Championship. Western what? Western United States? West Philadelphia? No idea when this was recorded, but it was grainy black-and-white footage, the arena was lit with torches and the fans had apparently arrived on horseback. Murphy jumped Bockwinkel at the bell, but Bockwinkel fought him off and brought him back into the ring with a snapmare for more abuse. Things settled down into a wrestling match as they struggled over a top wristlock. Murphy fought back with a series of punches, so Bockwinkel dropped him with a forearm of DEATH. Murphy, the cowardly ruffian, retreated to the safety of the ropes. He fired more punches at Bockwinkel, but Bockwinkel got the better of that too. Murphy threw Bockwinkel into the turnbuckle, but Bockwinkel replied in kind. Everything you can do, I can do better. Bockwinkel finally hit an abdominal stretch for the win to retain his title. Bockwinkel was then interviewed. “He’s a tough man, but all he wanted to do was box,” said Nick. “He’s very limited, I think, in his wrestling.” Oh, BURN. The announcer asked Bockwinkel if he was ducking Mr. Moto. Bockwinkel said he would face Moto or anyone else anywhere, any time. This was all so simple and beautiful. I FUCKING LOVED THIS.
331
332Dusty Rhodes & Nikita Koloff vs. Ric Flair & Lex Luger. I will watch virtually any late 1980s Crockett stuff. I love Dusty’s honky tonk ring music about not judging a book by its cover. Dusty and Flair started. Guess what? It was great. Dusty no-sold some chops, hit some jabs, the Bionic Elbow, caught Flair coming off the top. Basically, every Flair-Dusty match ever. Thank God. Dusty picked up Ric Flair and PRESS SLAMMED him. Well, that’s new. Nikita got a tag, but Flair ran away in terror. I think there was a commercial here, because it cut to the Horsemen working over Nikita. The heat for all this, by the way, was insane. Luger hit a powerslam and hooked him in the torture rack, but Dusty immediately ran in to break that up. Flair and Nikita exchanged rollups, then Nikita hit a clothesline for a double KO. That was HORRIBLE, but the fans all went nuts for it. Dusty finally got the hot tag and made an AWESOME comeback. He hooked Flair in the figure-four. Luger came in to break it up, but Nikita came flying over the pile with a shoulder tackle to break that up. The crowd was going CRAY ZEE for this. Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson finally hit the ring for the DQ. The Horsemen used a briefcase to work over Dusty’s knee, also fighting off Nikita and the Rock & Rolls as they tried to make the save. The heroes finally chased the villains away as Dusty wailed and sobbed in misery. YAY FOR ALL THIS!!!.
333
334Keiji Mutoh vs. Barry Windham. This was from the G1 Climax in 1992, and holy cow was Mutoh YOUNG here. Joined in progress with Mutoh holding a headlock. Windham fought and fought and finally broke free with a back suplex, then busted out the lariat for a two-count. He hit a suplex for two. Mutoh fought free with elbows and went for the cartwheel elbow, but Windham dodged. Windham got the better of a chopfest, then hit a sloppy DDT. He set Mutoh up for a superplex, but Mutoh knocked him down. Mutoh went for something off the top, but Windham sidestepped him and threw him down. Mutoh hit a small package out of nowhere for two, but Windham immediately cut him off. Windham climbed to the second rope and shouted “THIS IS IT NOW!” which is English for “I AM GOING TO MISS AN ELBOW!” And he did. Mutoh hit a missile dropkick for two, then hit the cartwheel elbow. He followed with the moonsault for the win. This was all shockingly underwhelming. I was expecting awesome, and this was just there.
335
336Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid. This was from the King of the Ring tournament, with Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage and ART DONOVAN~! on commentary. Ah, the melodic tones of early-90s WWF ring music. The winner of this would face Razor Ramon in the finals. Kid took forever to come out. Apparently he’d taken a hellacious beating in a victory over Jeff Jarrett earlier. The hellacious beating continued as Owen DRILLED HIM with a baseball slide dropkick coming out. He followed with a tope (Kid totally whiffed on the catch), then hit a top rope splash for two. Kid reversed a whip and Owen took his brother’s chest-first bump into the corner. Kid hit a moonsault and La Majistral for two. They traded kicks and flips and stuff until Owen hit the ENZUIGIRI OF DOOM. Kid came back with a Northern Lights suplex for three, but Owen had his foot on the ropes. Undeterred, Kid hit a slingshot somersault dive. Owen came back with German and belly-to-belly suplexes. These men were FLYING around. Keep in mind, this was 1994, before Nitro, before Benoit, before Guerrero. These fans had never seen anything like this. They traded more rollups. Kid went for a leapfrog, but Owen PLANTED HIM with a powerbomb. HE followed with the sharpshooter, and Kid promptly tapped. HOLY CRAP, THAT WAS FRIGGIN’ AWESOME. I had a ton of fun with this and am strongly considering dumping all future tape reviews, going to an all-YouTube format instead.
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340TV/DVD Reviews
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342
343
344ECW
345
346
347
348They announced Chris Benoit vs. Elijah Burke and CM Punk vs. Count Marquis Von Cor in basically a tournament to determine which two guys would face off for the belt at the PPV.
349
350We got another fucking recap of the Vince McMahon death. Tazz and Joey Styles were still somber.
351
352Benoit vs. Burke. MMA-style mat wrestling early, then Elijah got the heat and went to work. Benoit finally made a big comeback. Benoit went for the headbutt and Elijah got his knees up. They traded nearfalls and submission attempts. Elijah missed the double knees into the corner and Benoit put him in the sharpshooter for the submission.
353
354They replayed the horrifying Stephanie promo from Raw, then plugged the three-hour show for this week. They also plugged WWE.com, saying fans could go up there Wednesday and start discussing who might have perpetrated this horrible act. What, Vince's death or booking Stephanie in that segment.
355
356Boogeyman vs. Shawn Alexander. This match had one move, a tree slam. They fucked it up. Seriously. The timing was off, so Boogey had to try it twice to get it right. After the pin, Boogey put worms down Shawn's throat.
357
358Apparently this Federal investigator Daniel Beck is going to be a main player in the story. They replayed his press conference from last week and talked about how he was very qualified for this job. No one is qualified for the job, in my opinion.
359
360Tommy Dreamer vs. The Vampire. Great, the old ECW is back. The Vampire worked him over forever. He put on a long, boring chinlock. Crowd chanted "WE WANT TABLES!" Vampire went head first into the buckle and Tommy ran wild. No heat for the comeback. He set up for the DDT but Thorn escaped. Dreamer went for the punches in the corner, but the Vampire went underneath him, kicked his feet out, and got the pin. Dreamer actually hit his head super hard on the landing, but sold it like he'd broken his ankle instead. They were trying to push it as a real injury, but nobody bought it. It's hard to buy a real injury when the match itself looked so phony. If this had happened in Benoit vs. Elijah, that would have been different.
361
362They showed the Vince explosion and the aftermath again. Sweet Jesus.
363
364Johnny Nitro vs. Little Guido. Strange to see Nitro coming out without Melina. Such is life. Mat wrestling early, then Nitro got the heat with a springboard kick. This crowd sucks tonight. They gave Nunzio way more than usual in this match. He still got the pin with his new finisher, which is basically a front flip into a neckbreaker. Looked pretty cool.
365
366Cor Von met with Elijah and vowed to beat Punk and go on to win the title.
367
368In the most vomit-inducing segment I have seen in many, many years, Brooke was ogling over a Miz promo. She begged the other two girls to try to hook them up, then ran off. After she was gone, Layla said she thought she'd seen Miz with Kelly last weekend. In her best valley girl voice, Kelly said, and I quote: "Layla, like, mind your own business!" Yes, Extreme Expose is breaking up over the fucking MIZ. It better be another three-week swerve storyline that ends with all three girls ganging up on and humiliating Miz.
369
370CM Punk vs. Marquis Von Cor. Punk worked him over with kicks and such early, then Cor Von gave him a divorce court variation and went to work on the shoulder. No heat. Punk finally hit a clothesline off the ropes and made his big comeback. He went for a springboard and Cor Von was supposed to powerslam. Something went awry. I don't know whose fault it was. It looked like Cor Von was too far out or his knee buckled or something. Anyway, he dumped Punk right on his head. I think it looked way worse than it actually was. They kept going, and Punk finally avoided a charge and hit the go 2 sleep for the pin. Punk ended up being fine and actually worked the next day, but there was concern initially. Show ended with Punk staring at the ECW Title, which was sitting on a podium outside, then Benoit came out for the staredown. They face off at the PPV for the vacant title. Show went way downhill after the opener.
371
372
373
374Impact
375
376
377They showed a Slammiversary video package that sure made it seem like a major event. I guess that's what video packages are supposed to do.
378
379Cornette came out and said it was his pleasure to announce the main event of the Victory Road PPV in July. He called out all the champions one at a time, those being Jay Lethal (X-Division), Team 3-D (Tag) and Kurt Angle (TNA CHAMPION~!). Cornette said it was Jay Lethal & Kurt Angle vs. Team 3-D with all the belts on the line. Basically, whoever gets the pin wins the belt of whoever he beats. Try to make sense of this. Basically, Bubba Ray Dudley could end up the X-Division Champion. He also noted that if Angle or Lethal pinned Bubba or D-Von, they won BOTH tag titles and the right to choose a partner to defend them with. He also said that all the guys would be defending their belts over the next few weeks, and they had to retain their belts in order to be in the match. Angle then grabbed the mic and turned heel. He wanted to know where the fireworks, the red carpet and the celebration were. He claimed he was the UNDISPUTED TNA CHAMPION~! Yeah, winning King of the Mountain is a great way to make a person the undisputed champ. Angle said if he was Sting there would be fireworks and balloons falling from the ceiling and the whole nine yards. He told Cornette to leave because he had a list of men to thank. The first was himself. The second was also himself. Well, he is the first and second TNA Champion, so that makes sense. Crowd chanted "YOU SUCK!" He also thanked himself for putting TNA on the map. He told the people that they blew like the wind, because one minute they loved him and one minute they hated him. Gee, I wonder why? He goes from face to heel practically weekly, or so it seems. He also thanked the Lord for giving the fans a role model like himself to look up to. Cornette grabbed the mic and chewed him out, saying it was a great accomplishment to win the belt, but Angle was a pro athlete who got paid to go out there to win or lose. He said Angle was going to compete, but if he was as good as he said he was it should be no problem. Next week, he said, it would be Angle versus two former champions in a three-way. He said this was a "qualifying match". Yes, if he doesn't lose his title, he qualifies to retain it at the PPV. He also signed Jay Lethal vs. Chris Sabin vs. Samoa Joe in a "qualifying match". I don't like Lethal's chances. Cornette didn't bother signing Team 3-D to a match. No idea why not.
380
381Borash did a promo for TNA Mobile backstage, saying if we signed up we could get info on a major star that was negotiating with TNA. In other words, they wanted you to think it was RVD. Jay Lethal came up and cut a promo as Sonjay Dutt sat on the ground on a rug and meditated. And you wonder why three guys quit last week.
382
383Rhino & Eric Young vs. James Storm & Robert Roode. They had a fun, short TV match. Eric got worked over, Rhino made the hot tag, Jackie distracted him, then Storm superkicked Rhino for the pin. Of course, the match was a backdrop for an angle. Storm poured beer down his throat afterwards, and Rhino immediately "stopped selling", jumped up, and went haywire. The heels ran away, he hucked a beer bottle at them, he shoved down Eric Young, he wildly threw chairs and destroyed the announcer's table, and just basically flipped out. GO CRAZY RHINO!~!.
384
385They re-aired the Jarrett video package from Slammiversary.
386
387Leticia interviewed Joe about the three-way tonight. He also flipped out, chasing Leticia away and saying he was sick of cutting this same interview over and over again. He said he was going to win his X-Title back tonight, then he was going to fight side by side with Kurt so he could revel in his pain, and then after that he was going to finish the job and beat Angle for the title.
388
389Raven vs. Chris Harris. Raven's crew got involved, but then Kaz ran down and wiped Raven out with a springboard clothesline. Somehow, the ref missed all of this. Harris then hit the catatonic for the pin. They IMMEDIATELY cut backstage after this two minute segment that contained both a match and an angle. Christian was there, challenging Harris to a match. He's upset that Harris prevented him from winning the belt at the PPV. So the interview ended with a mystery man coming in and chasing Christian away. The mystery man ended up being Abyss. Yes, we had a full interview setting up a Christian vs. Harris program, and the interview ended with Abyss coming out and attacking Christian. Christian did the old STUCK IN THE RING~! trick, but his crew ran out to make the save. Abyss then growled and his music played. This show drives me nuts.
390
391Jim Mitchell has a new monster coming. He claims it is his SON. I hope it's a big scary guy named James Mitchell II, or Jimmy Mitchell Jr.
392
393Samoa Joe vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal for the X-Title. They had a pretty good match while it lasted. It was the Samoa Joe show early on, with him destroying both guys in the ring and then wiping them out with a tope. Sabin was great as well. Joe pinned him with the muscle buster, just like that. I was so flabbergasted to see a clean pin on this show that I thought for sure it was a fuck-up. Nice to see the champion not get pinned to lose the title, by the way. Cornette came out afterwards and announced Angle vs. Christian vs. Rhino in another "qualifying match".
394
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405F4W~!#543 - EDDY GUERRERO: 1967-2005 - NOVEMBER 21, 2005
406BY OBSERVER STAFF | STAFF@WRESTLINGOBSERVER.COM | @WONF4W
407TWITTERFACEBOOKGOOGLE+
408F4W~!#543 - EDDY GUERRERO: 1967-2005 - November 21, 2005
409
410F4W~!#543 - EDDY GUERRERO: 1967-2005 - November 21, 2005
411
412 
413
414        I think it’s safe to say that the death of Eddy Guerrero Sunday at the age of 38 has affected more people in the pro-wrestling business than any death since Owen Hart fell from the ceiling of Kemper Arena on May 23rd, 1999.
415
416        Guerrero’s death caps off a five-week period in which it appears WWE, after years of weirdness following the collapse of the XFL, has finally struck the iceberg.  It had been a month of panic and confusion brought on by UFC going head-to-head on a Monday night, awful TV written to allow Vince McMahon to address a person issue before five million people, wrestlers choosing to walk away from the company for the seemingly greener pastures of TNA, the Smackdown World Champion suffering an injury that will result in him having to be written out of storylines and drop the title with no challengers having been established, and finally this, the death of one of its most popular stars.  But this was not just the death of a popular star, not just the death of a former champion and current main eventer, but the death of one of those human beings, humble to a fault, that everyone loved, one of those people that pretty much everyone will agree nobody ever said a bad word about.  And it was the death of a man who, for whatever reason, was able to connect with fans to the point where millions of people who had never met him in their lives wept Monday night, devastated by the feeling that they’d actually lost a very good friend.
417
418        Everyone reading this knows the story of Eddy Guerrero.  And perhaps that’s why so many felt such a bond with him.  We knew more than just the story of his wrestling career; we knew the story of his family, their history in wrestling, and, most importantly, the story of the real Eduardo Gory Guerrero and all that he had battled and overcome in his life.
419
420        Born into the famous Guerrero wrestling family on October 9, 1968 in Juarez, Mexico, his first memories were almost certainly wrestling-related.  He was probably being rolled around in the ring before he could even walk.  His nephew, Chavo Guerrero Jr., noted on Raw that he could recall the two of them working out in the ring when he was around age five and Eddy was just a couple years older.  He wrestled amateur in high school and college in El Paso, TX, and debuted for Paco Alonso’s EMLL in 1987, mostly in six-man matches with brothers Mando and Chavo Sr. in Mexico City and Tijuana.  From the very beginning, he was determined to do the family name proud.  For the next several years he worked under various guises for a number of promotions around the world; as Mascara Magica for the WWA, Black Tiger for New Japan (where he first met Dean Malenko and Chris Benoit), and under his real name in AAA. 
421
422        Following a great performance as Tiger in one of the best junior heavyweight tournaments of all time, New Japan’s original Super J Cup, he returned to Mexico for his biggest run to date.  His father Gory, a legend in lucha libre, had teamed for years with the biggest star in the history of the country, the original El Santo, so it was only fitting that years later Eddy should team up with El Hijo del Santo (Son of Santo).  The revived the original team’s name, La Pareja Atomica (the ATOMIC PAIR~!) and were super over as babyfaces — at least until Eddy turned on him and hooked up with good friend Art Barr, son of Portland’s Sandy Barr, to form the diabolical La Pareja del Terror (~!).  Along with Konnan and Louie Spicolli, the two, as promised, spread terror through AAA.  As a group they were known as Los Gringos Locos, and business in Mexico was absolutely on fire.  Barr, a phenomenal heel who would dress in the red, white and blue and mockingly perform the back-stroke in mid-ring, caused many a riot.  The feud culminated with a legendary double mask vs. double hair match at the When World’s Collide PPV in November of 1994 which saw Santo and partner Octagon beat them and shave them bald.  The show was supposed to be promoted by WCW, but when WCW brass saw how much better this show was than their own pathetic fare, they ceased promotion completely.  A few in WWE, however, saw the tape of the match and were so impressed with what they saw that they quickly signed one of the participants to a deal.  The participant in question ended up being Spicolli, who at the time was juiced up to the 240-pound range.
423
424        Three weeks later, Barr was dead, the victim of a drug overdose (Spicolli died in a similar fashion four years later).  With his partner dead and the economy in Mexico hitting the skids, Guerrero, devastated, returned to the US and found work in Paul Heyman’s Extreme Championship Wrestling.  One of the most fondly-remembered feuds of the 90s consisted of his series of mat-wrestling clinics with current WWE road agent Dean Malenko.  It was here that his addiction to pain pills and harder substances began.  The two were eventually offered very good money to come to WCW, which at the time was taking off following the acquisition of Hulk Hogan.  Head honcho Eric Bischoff, in possession of virtually unlimited funds courtesy WCW’s parent company Time Warner, and realizing after watching a stacked World Wrestling Peace Festival show that he could present a product that would blow WWF’s slow-moving dinosaurs out of the water, had been scouring the world for the best talent.  Along with Rey Misterio Jr., who was scoffed at by those in the WCW dressing room on his first night in until they saw him work, and Chris Benoit, who the WWF had used in dark matches but not signed, Malenko and Guerrero helped introduce a new style of wrestling to the US audience.
425
426        Guerrero was so talented that he was soon mixing it up with wrestlers higher on the card, including Diamond Dallas Page, whom he beat in the finals of a Starrcade tournament on December 29, 1996 to win the his first title in WCW, the US belt.  Arguably the best match of his career, and one of the single best pro-wrestling matches of the 90s, took place at Halloween Havoc 1997 when he dropped the Cruiserweight title to Misterio in a title vs. mask match which, until literally minutes before going through the curtain, Misterio was scheduled to lose.
427
428        On New Year’s Eve, 1998, Eddy, whacked out on GHB and driving 130 miles per hour, was involved in a horrific car crash that nearly ended his life.  Despite the fact that he was in such bad shape that EMT’s on the scene couldn’t believe he’d survived, he not only recovered but was back in the ring just months later.  Unfortunately, in order to do so, his drug issues became worse and it was during this period that he suffered his first overdose.  Two months later, he suffered another.  Despite the pleas of his family and close friends, he remained insistent that everything was fine.  Of course, things continued to get worse, but he was so talented in the ring that he was somehow able to continue working at a high level. 
429
430        “The edge,” wrote the late Hunter S. Thompson.  “There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”  It’s pretty safe to say that over the next three years, Eddy walked very near the edge.
431
432        In early 2001, Guerrero, along with Benoit, Malenko and Perry Saturn, collectively left WCW after requesting releases from Bill Busch over the decision to make Kevin Sullivan, whom they all hated, lead booker.  Busch, in what was in hindsight an amazing act of stupidity and one of the eventual nails in the WCW coffin, actually let them go.  Many of the WCW main eventers thought it would be no big deal, thinking these “vanilla midgets” couldn’t draw for anything, and were no doubt stunned when the newly-dubbed Radicalz debuted on Raw and more than doubled Nitro’s ratings.  Unfortunately, in his first match with the company, Eddy dislocated his elbow doing a frog splash and was out of action for some time.  His personal issues had hardly eased up, and five months after a June 2001 incident where he was sent to rehab for showing up to Raw in no condition to perform, he was officially released after being arrested on a drunk driving charge.
433
434        He’d lost it all, not only the job he loved, but also the wife he loved.  Vickie, unable to take anymore, had filed for divorce while he was in rehab.  He was out of the spotlight for three months, working indy dates and overseas tours.  Eventually WWE gave him a second chance, and several months later, determined to turn his life around, he quit drinking altogether.  It wasn’t easy.  He talked many times about how a person couldn’t completely beat alcoholism; every single day was a struggle for him.  This wasn’t about making it the rest of his life sober, it was about waking up every day, telling himself his goal was to not drink that particular day, and congratulating himself when he managed to do it.  During this period, he also set up lunch dates with Vickie, and slowly they began to put their relationship back together again. 
435
436        And then one day WWE realized they had something special.
437
438        Looking back today, the original plan a few months back of turning him heel again was so clearly absurd.  Sometimes, wrestlers get to the point where the audience simply has no desire to hate them anymore, and while they may “go along” with the booing, as in the case with Kurt Angle, or legitimately love to boo a character, there really is no chance of that character ever being really hated again.  So it was with Eddy Guerrero.  The booking idea after SummerSlam was that Eddy would pretend to be Dave Batista’s friend while actually conspiring to perform evil deeds, and the fans, WWE figured, would see right through it.  Well, they didn’t.  Or they didn’t want to.  And it was some time in mid-2003 when the WWE audience decided that they just absolutely loved Eddy Guerrero, and no matter what he did, including destroying Tajiri in a diabolical manner, they still loved him.  It also became apparent that he was one of the few true draws the company had, particularly in cities with major Hispanic populations.  And so, on February 15th, 2004 at the No Way Out PPV in San Francisco, CA, Eduardo Gori Guerrero, at 5-8 and 210 pounds or so, pinned Brock Lesnar and became the most unlikely WWE Champion since Mick Foley in 1999.  One month later, at WrestleMania XX, in one of the most beautiful moments in wrestling history, Chris Benoit made Triple H submit to the crippler crossface to win the World Title, and the show ended with Benoit and Guerrero, best friends who’d traveled the road together for over a decade, and who both had been told countless times that they were too small to ever really make it big in the business, hugging and weeping as double champions of the biggest wrestling organization on Earth.
439
440        The plan was for Guerrero to have a long title run, but unfortunately the pressure of carrying the weight of the entire company on his shoulders was too much for him and he ended up dropping the title to John Bradshaw Layfield just a couple of months later.  He continued to work near the top of the card, and his final major feud was with long-time friend Rey Misterio.  It actually started around WrestleMania XXI and spanned all the way to SummerSlam.  It was funny, because it was clear they loved working together, and seemingly every month there was some sort of storyline twist that allowed them to keep doing matches.  It seemed to have run its course by July, but then Misterio came up with the idea of involving his real-life son Dominick in the angle.  Eddy talked of having a secret, and it eventually came out in storyline that he was actually Dominick’s father, and that he’d given Dominick to Rey after Rey discovered he was unable to conceive.  The entire storyline in many ways was absurd and seemed destined to flop, but everyone involved, including Dominick, played their roles so well that it became one of the biggest TV ratings hits of the last several years.  There were segments on Smackdown where the three of them (and even, at one point, Vickie) would literally add 1.5 million new viewers, and after the feud finally ended at SummerSlam, the Smackdown rating dropped because hundreds of thousands of Hispanics stopped watching.
441
442        When it became obvious that the fans were taking Eddy’s “friendship” with Batista seriously, and that it would be a terrible idea to turn him back heel again so soon, the decision was made to move him out of the planned title rematch with Dave at Survivor Series and into the ten-man Raw vs. Smackdown elimination match.  But then last week, Batista tore his lat muscle and it looked like he wouldn’t be able to wrestle for several months.  The company, in a panic to come up with some sort of solution, announced Guerrero vs. Dave vs. Randy Orton for the title at the following week’s Smackdown, which was to be taped this past Sunday night.  The day before, with Batista unable to move his arm, it was clear they were going to have to take the belt off him, and among the ideas was to go back to the idea of turning Guerrero heel and having him “steal the belt” from his friend, setting up a natural feud for Batista’s return.
443
444        But whatever the final idea ended up being, it was not to be.  On Sunday morning, security called Chavo Guerrero Jr. and told him that Eddy hadn’t answered his wake-up call.  Chavo called and also got no answer.  He went upstairs and busted into the room, and Eddy was face-down and unresponsive.  He turned him over, realized something was horribly wrong, called 911, and attempted CPR.  But Eddy was dead.
445
446        I don’t think anyone will ever forget how they learned that Eddy Guerrero had died.  I woke up late after my alarm didn’t go off, and I stumbled into the kitchen to get a drink of water and hit PLAY on the answering machine as usual.  The first message was from Zach Arnold who said that WWE.com was reporting that Eddy Guerrero was dead.  Because I heard it in that weird first two minutes of waking up, where you’re still trying to get your bearings and not even close to fully alert, I immediately assumed I was dreaming.  But then I played it again, and I looked around the room and listened to the sound of traffic outside, and it hit me that I was awake, and this was absolutely real.
447
448        The rest of the day is really a blur.  I remember very little outside the overwhelming sadness.  I remember nothing of the afternoon.  I remember moments on Wrestling Observer Live, particularly the first five minutes where I could barely talk, a point at about 5:30 when Billy Graham and Bret Hart were talking to each other, and a point around 6:30 when Dave was reading quotes from Shawn Michaels’ book to Bret Hart.  I remember being in Brent Kremen’s house while a creepy man tried to fix the heater, and the only memories I have of the TNA PPV are Christian coming out wearing his hood, Brother Ray and Devon showing their Eddy Guerrero armbands, and AJ Styles taking a German suplex into a barrier.  I vaguely remember doing an audio update on the website Sunday night.  And I vividly remember all day thinking that I was going to go to sleep and wake up a few hours later, and the entire day, all of it, would have been a dream.
449
450        But I woke up and it was Monday, meaning Sunday had been real.  And then the haze sort of left me, and I knew he was really gone, and then I became another one of those fans whose e-mails and message board posts I read all day, who despite not being personal friends of Guerrero were nevertheless absolutely devastated by his death.  And worse, I knew people that did know him, and were very close to him, and I knew that they were hurting far, far more than I was. 
451
452        Things were at their worst at around 8:00 PM when I had the strange sensation that there was a possibility I might have some sort of breakdown.  Part of it was a day-long fear of watching the tribute special, because I was in no way prepared for it.  But I survived, and it was clear when the show was over that I needed it way more than I could have ever imagined.  I think I speak for most wrestling fans when I say that.
453
454        So today, Tuesday, was the day when it was clear that for a lot of fans, other emotions were now rushing in, including anger that another wrestler who they loved had died so young.  Much of this stemmed from the report on WWE.com that the cause of death, which many had expected, was confirmed as being from heart failure.
455
456        WWE.com wrote:
457
458        “After the untimely passing of Eddie Guerrero, WWE and the entire sports-entertainment community is still reeling from the devastating loss of a champion. The initial autopsy reports on Guerrero have come in. WWE.com spoke with Eddie’s widow, Vickie Guerrero, earlier today.
459
460        “‘It was heart failure. It was from his past – the drinking and the drug abuse. They found signs of heart disease. She (the examiner) said that the blood vessels were very worn and narrow, and that just showed all the abuse from the scheduling of work and his past. And Eddie just worked out like crazy all the time. It made his heart grow bigger and work harder and the vessels were getting smaller, and that’s what caused the heart failure. He went into a deep sleep.
461
462        “‘As soon as they saw his heart, they saw the lining of his heart already had the heart disease. There was no trauma, and Eddie hadn’t hurt himself in any way. It answered a lot of questions. I knew Eddie wasn’t feeling very good for the last week. He was home and kept saying he wasn’t feeling good and we thought it was just ‘road tired.’ So we thought he just had to rest. It answered a lot of my questions, too, because he was just so exhausted. She said it was normal because the heart was working so hard.
463
464        “‘When he didn’t call me last night and the night before I knew it was for real, because he would call me every night. I miss his phone calls. I cried through the whole thing (last night).
465
466        “‘I loved his laugh. His laugh was the best.
467
468        “‘We just celebrated his four-year sobriety last Thursday. We just thought we had life by the handful. We thought we had it all figured out. He worked so hard to make a better life for us.
469
470        “‘I’m just overwhelmed by how people are coming out. It’s touched my heart a lot.
471
472        “‘Everybody was just in awe last night in how beautifully everything was put together.
473
474        “‘All my life was wrestling. All he did was take care of them and live for that. And I don’t know what to do now.’”
475
476        “And Eddie just worked out like crazy all the time. It made his heart grow bigger and work harder and the vessels were getting smaller, and that’s what caused the heart failure.” 
477
478        When Davey Boy Smith died in 2002 at the age of 39 and was discovered to have had an enlarged heart, I got a lot of letters from people claiming steroid use was completely safe.  One person even said that Smith ran on the treadmill a lot, which probably lead to the enlargement.
479
480        Davey Boy Smith’s coroner said it was steroids.
481
482        While many wrestling fans have seen so many juiced-up bodies for so many years that they’ve become naïve to what it is possible to achieve naturally, the line about the enlarged heart being the result of Eddy working out really hard resulted in an industry-wide debate Tuesday about what could be done about the steroid and drug problems in pro-wrestling. 
483
484        Those who give the simplistic answer that “WWE needs to start testing for steroids again” aren’t grasping the bigger picture.  The issue is far, far more complicated.  In fact, it is so complicated that I don’t think there is a solution.
485
486        First, and most importantly, a number of sports institutions, including the International Olympic Committee, test for steroids.  Theoretically, because they test, there shouldn’t be anyone competing in the Olympics who has used performance-enhancing drugs.  If you believe that this is actually the case, you are extremely naïve.  There is still, to this day, no test to determine if someone is using Human Growth Hormone.  Designer drugs are constantly being created with the aim being to escape detection.  And when successful tests are created, new drugs follow.
487
488        The major issue as it pertains to WWE, and I’m not demonizing him for this, is that Vince McMahon loves big guys.  This is more than him just knowing in the back of his mind that when he did steroid testing for real in the mid-90s and everyone shrunk, his business shrunk as well.  This goes much deeper.  He loves big guys and I don’t think he can help himself.  For the past 60 years, his entire existence, he has been surrounded by larger-than-life characters, and to him these characters equal big money, and I truly believe this is so deeply ingrained his psyche in that he’ll never be able to escape it.  If, for the sake of argument, an absolutely fool-proof drug test was created tomorrow and every single person in WWE ended up clean, Vince would not all of a sudden push the best workers, or even necessarily anyone different than he is pushing now.  He would still push the biggest clean guys.  People will argue that in the early 90s when most of the roster was clean he moved to pushing Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, two very talented smaller guys.  That’s true, but the reason for this was also because the bigger guys, who would have been bigger on or off steroids, either quit or were fired (two in particular were fired for trying to find their way around the tests).  So because Vince will always push the biggest guys, clean or not, it will always encourage the smaller guys to try to get bigger, and with big money at stake, and the realities of gaining mass on the road, this will always result in them looking for ways to beat the tests.
489
490        Ok, you say, what if Vince McMahon retired or passed away and someone else ran the company, someone who wasn’t a mark for size monsters?  Perhaps then things would change!  Perhaps, but most likely not.  Wrestlers are on steroids outside of WWE, in TNA, OVW, on the indy scene, in Mexico, in Japan, everywhere.  Plus, every single one of us has gone to the gym or the beach or wherever else and seen the guy from Jiffy Lube or Wal-Mart or wherever who was quite obviously on the gas.  I always told people that one of the reasons I had no desire to ever go to WWE was because I knew that with my frame, the only way I would ever have even the slightest chance would be if I took steroids, which I was unwilling to do.  So they’d invariably ask:  “If you could main event WrestleMania and make $1 million a year, would you take steroids then?”  Many wrestlers, obviously, would say yes.  Mauro Ranallo on Figure Four Daily talked about a USA Today poll he’d seen where people were asked if it would be worth them to take steroids and die at 50 if they knew that until then, they’d make millions of dollars and be world famous.  Well over half said yes.
491
492        But those guys at the gym and at the beach, they’re not working WrestleMania, they’re not world famous, they’re not making a million dollars a year.  They’re on the gas for psychological reasons.  It’s not all about doing this to get a push.  Look at the former WWE guys on the indy scene who are still clearly juiced up.  They don’t need that body to main event Mountaintop Championship Wrestling in Butte, MT.  Look at the guys who have retired or are out of the business that haven’t stopped.  For them, it’s not about making money anymore, it’s about still being seen as larger-than-life.  That’s why many of them got into the business in the first place, and why they’ll keep juicing as long as they are able.
493
494        The problem is also with the audience.  As individual fans, we can all say, “I will support this business even if every single person looked like Zach Gowen.”  But history has shown that no matter what anyone might say, more people are willing to pay to see size monsters than are willing to see guys who look like their neighbor.
495
496        And ultimately, just looking at steroid use is too simplistic.  Eddy Guerrero’s coroner hasn’t stated outright that Eddy’s enlarged heart was due to steroid abuse, and whether he took steroids or not, he was still likely to have died young because he abused his body with various substances for a long time, and that was no secret.  There are plenty of wrestlers who have only taken steroids and are still fine today after decades of use.  I’m not about to say they’re safe, because the reality is that anything that messes with your heart is dangerous, and the steroid/recreational drug combo appears to have killed a lot of wrestlers.  What I’m saying is that the problem is not strictly a steroid issue; it is a drug issue.
497
498        A lot of people want to find one specific person or group of people to pin this problem on, but the reality is that it’s a problem with all of us, every single one of us that has anything to do with the wrestling business at all, whether we are a fan or a worker or management.  And that’s why there are no simple answers, why everyone fights and argues yet can never come up with a simple solution, and why this will not be the last death.  This very business itself, unfortunately, breeds tragedies because of its very nature.  Fans want to see larger-than-life characters, almost mythical beings, and the wrestlers, almost all of whom started out as fans, want to be those mythical beings, those superstars.  The promoters give the fans what they want, and the wrestlers, in turn, do what they do to please everyone, including themselves.  The most successful wrestlers make tons of money, and like with any anything under the entertainment umbrella, that can lead to easy access to drugs.  But the key is that for each of us, what we choose to do with our lives is our own personal choice.  If a wrestler truly didn’t want to take drugs, he wouldn’t.  If a wrestler truly didn’t want to take a certain bump, he wouldn’t.  If fans truly didn’t care whether wrestlers were big, or whether there was any perceived danger in pro-wrestling matches at all, their ticket-buying habits would reflect that.  But the death rate in wrestling, the injury rate, the countless guys who cannot retire, what is promoted and what sells, and what does not sell, it’s all interconnected, it’s all the result of the personal choices of every single person who loves this business.
499
500        So for everyone who is looking for a single, all-encompassing Answer to the question of how to solve the problem of wrestlers — or anyone in any form of entertainment — dying young, the answer is that there isn’t one.  Death is something that every single person in the world will have to face in their own personal way at some point, and so is the problem of helping others to avoid death.  No single person is going to solve the problem for everyone else.  If you really think that something should be done, then do something about it.  If you are a wrestler, perhaps your personal answer is to take a stand and get clean and off the juice.  If you’re a fan, perhaps your personal answer is to buy merchandise from wrestlers you believe are clean, and avoid buying the merchandise of those you think are not.  If you are a promoter, perhaps you will not book any obvious neon signs.  It is better to do something on your own, whether anyone has to know about it or not, then to sit there and do nothing but bitch and wait for someone to come along and solve a problem — drug use — that affects, really, more than just pro-wrestling and sports, but the whole world.
501
502        And in the end, while we can all mourn for Eddy Guerrero, what we should do is mourn for his family and celebrate the life that he did live for 38 years.  Three children without a father and a wife without a husband is the profound tragedy in all of this; but the life of that husband and father, like many of his friends said Monday night, should be viewed as an inspiration.  Eddy Guerrero really should have died many years ago, on a number of different occasions.  But he didn’t, nor did the circumstances of his life, circumstances that would have completely broken most human beings, cause him to take his own life.  He had “that Guerrero temper”, he was a fighter, and he refused to quit and battled on and become more of a man than most of us who will live decades longer.  He truly did cheat death, a few times, in fact, and in those extra years that he was blessed with he went on to overcome incredible odds, both in this business and in his personal life, and make most of his dreams come true.  Though short, he packed so many lessons of life and love into those 38 years that nobody who knew him, either personally or through that weird, unexplainable connection that so many fans discovered they had after he was gone, knows their life would not have been quite as nice without him being a part of it.
503
504        “I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps ‘Oh look at that!’ Then, whoosh, and I’m gone — and they’ll never see anything like it ever again, and they won’t be able to forget me — ever.”  — Jim Morrison
505
506TNA Genesis
507
508        TNA ran a PPV on the worst possible day imaginable.  It’s hard to slight anyone, because I’m sure many of the wrestlers weren’t in the best mood to work and the fans in the building probably weren’t in the best mood to watch wrestling.  I know for myself, when it was over, I had virtually no memory of anything except the expected debut of Christian Cage and AJ Styles doing some really, really stupid stuff.
509
510        You know, I often get upset when I see guys doing dangerous things in the ring for really no good reason.  On this particular day, well, I was even more upset.  Everyone knows Eddy Guerrero had a lot of problems in his life, and even though he’d just passed the four-year sobriety mark, it’s not like getting sober eliminates all the damage you have done to yourself previously.  God bless AJ Styles for loving the business as much as he does, but to see him, a new father with a wife at home, doing the stuff that he’s doing really boggled my mind and upset me on this particular evening.  Maybe he’s still in the age range where you think that you are invincible and cannot possibly ever die.  I don’t know.  But these things are going to catch up with him, and at the rate he’s going they’re going to catch up to him with a vengeance, and that’s going to be very, very sad.  AJ Styles is good enough that he can have a great match without putting himself in grave danger, and why he continues to do so I cannot answer.
511
512        I apologize in advance if this report is no good.
513
514        There were Eddy Guerrero signs everywhere.
515
516        Raven came down to the ring for his match.  Larry came out and said he had two choices.  He could either sign a release form and leave with all his contract money, or he could go through Hell starting tonight.  Raven’s response was to attack him.  So Larry said fine, here’s your mystery opponent.
517
5181.  Raven vs. PJ Polaco.  Yes, the former Justin Credible, who was referred to as such by Tenay.  He looked exactly the same, and worked wearing a black cut-off tank top and jean shorts.  They worked it sort of like an MMA match early, which I’m sure in Raven’s brain was a fine idea, but didn’t work out because this crowd had no idea what was going on.  Pete got the heat and grabbed his Singapore cane.  Out came Cassidy Riley to make the save.  His save consisted of getting whacked in the head with the stick.  Raven then made a big comeback.  They traded nearfalls in the ring and Raven put on an ankle lock.  I’ve still yet to figure out a) what Cassidy Riley has to do with anything, and b) why Raven is using the ankle lock all the time.  So anyway, Pete didn’t submit so Raven hit him with a DDT for the pin.  Well, PJ, it was nice to see you.  See you again in three years.
519
5202.  Team Canada vs. 3 Live Krew in a hockey stick match.  The rules were basically that there were hockey sticks tied to every ring post, and if you got on of them you were allowed to use it.  Kip James was the special referee.  He was wearing THE gayest outfit I have ever seen in all my life, and think of how much wrestling attire that covers.  He was not only wearing Shawn Michael’s old spandex wrestling shorts, but he was also wearing a ref shirt that he’d tied in a knot at the waist.  Konnan came out and basically cut a promo in Spanish for Eddy, which lead to a loud “EDDY!” chant.  Eric Young, who was a total one-man show here, climbed up and grabbed a hockey stick, but apparently only the legal man in the ring is allowed to do so, because BG confiscated it.  I cannot get over Bill E. Gunn’s outfit.  The shorts are bad enough, but tying the shirt at the waist, good God.  It’s also great when the ref is the biggest guy in the whole match.  BG tried to climb, but I guess he was too fat because he had to tag Killings in and ask him to climb.  Crowd was hot and chanted “USA!”  At least they weren’t doing that when Konnan was in the ring.  Konnan threw his shoe at Young, who sold it like he’d been shot.  So anyway, BG, who was too fat to climb earlier, tried again and made it.  He got cut off, though, and lost his stick.  I guess if your opponent grabs the stick and you cut him off, you can’t use the stick – you have to grab one of your own.  Every now and then TNA slips into WCW territory with the whacky pointless stips that add zero buys and just make matches more complicated than they need to be.  Roode tried to use a stick but Truth “wisely” stole it from him, then BG hit a big boot and made the hot tag.  Broke down into a six-way and everyone hit a MOVE~!  Good guys cleared the ring of everyone except Young, then put hockey sticks on his crotch and Truth came off top with the big legdrop to the groin for the pin.  Yippee!  Konnan even shook hands with Bill E. afterwards.
521
522        Sinister Minister cut a promo and said he didn’t give a shit who the MAJOR ACQUISITION~! was; if the acquisition thought he was going to go over on Abyss, he was dead wrong.  He then buried Sabu to build up their no-DQ match later.
523
524        They lights dimmed and out came “Christian Cage” to a huge ovation.  A bunch of dudes in the front row held up a “PEEP ZONE” sign.  He cut a promo saying everyone had been asking him all week if the rumors were true, if he was going to TNA, “and if so, why?”  Crowd chanted “CHRISTIAN CAGE!”  Jarrett was shown with AMW looking on backstage.  Christian said he wasn’t there to see the same guy come out and cut the same promo week after week after week.  I wonder if he knew how funny that line was.  And he didn’t go there, he said, to see a grown man dressed like a doctor pulling objects out of another man’s ass. And we can be damn sure he didn’t come here because he was fired.  That brought him to another rumor, that he’d been low-balled in a contract offer.  He said he was offered a very hefty sum to stay where he was, but he came to TNA for the same reason that all the fans were in the arena right now, the same reason that everyone was watching Genesis live on PPV.  And that reason was because he loved WRESTLING.  He said he was tired of egos and politics.  He wanted to see men in the ring busting their asses, he wanted to see wrestling reinvented.  He said he was watching Impact and it reminded him of when he broke onto the national wrestling scene eight years ago.  One promotion was old, stale and lacking direction.  The other was young and cutting edge.  What the fuck is he talking about?  He said here they were eight years later, and again, one promotion was old and lacking direction, and the other was TNA.  He said this was something he wanted to be a part of, and in fact, he wanted to be the biggest piece of this puzzle.  He said he had two things to say to Jeff Jarrett.  One, you should never wear white pants after Labor Day, and two, he was coming to TNA to take the NWA Title from him.  He said you could bet he would fulfill his destiny, “because that is how I ROLL~!”  Scott D’Amore came out.  Don said D’Amore had, and I quote, a “shit-eating grin”.  D’Amore said he was happy to see Christian there because he wanted a new man in Team Canada.  Remember the good ol’ days, he asked, making no money from Emil Dupree?  When they went to Stu’s house and Stu stretched “Adam”?  Good times, he noted.  And now they could rule TNA together.  Christian said he had a question, but Bobby Roode cut him off and said there were no questions.  He said Christian had the opportunity to walk into TNA and be a part of something that the rest of the crew had been busting their asses for over the past three years.  “You’re either with us or against us.”  He demanded an answer right now.  D’Amore said no, they could wait till the end of the show.  “I know you’ll make the right choice!”  And he gave him a Team Canada jersey.
525
5263.  Monty Brown vs. Jeff Hardy in a “contender’s match”.  I liked that they didn’t specify whether the winner would become the number-one contender or, say, the number sixteen contender.  They did some spots, then Hardy started writhing and flopping around on all fours like a possessed animal of some sort.  I guess this was his plan to counteract the man from the Serengeti.  Not much heat for the match, which doesn’t speak highly for the fact that one of these guys will apparently be fighting for the title soon.  Monty looked green working with a guy who isn’t known for his ability to carry guys to great matches.  As it wore on it got worse, not better.  They did what I guess was a double clothesline spot, then Jeff made his big comeback.  Jeff hit a kinda sorta twist of fate, but Monty kicked out.  Jeff missed the senton, then got pounced for the pin. 
527
5284.  Chris Daniels & Samoa Joe & Roderick Strong & Alex Shelley vs. Austin Aries & Sonjay Dutt & Matt Bentley & Chris Sabin in and Elimination X match.  Basically, Survivor Series rules.  Some cool spots early.  I have to hand it to Sonjay.  He doesn’t miss a beat, even when he botches a spot.  Fans were super into Joe killing men.  Broke down into an eight-way, then Sabin, Aries and Dutt hit a triple tope to the outside.  Aries and Strong ended up in the ring together and Aries hit the brainbuster/450 combo for the pin.  Daniels immediately rolled Aries up and pinned him.  TWO DOWN.  Sonjay made a comeback and hit about 600 MOVES~! in a row, so I knew he was going to be eliminated soon.  Sure enough, Alex immediately put Sonjay in a STRETCH~!~!~!, and he tapped out.  Bentley then pinned Shelley with the superkick.  FOUR DOWN.  So it was Joe & Daniels vs. Bentley & Sabin.  Good stuff.  Joe tapped Bentley out with the choke after a musclebuster, and the key was that Daniels helped set it up.  So now it was Joe and Daniels against Sabin two-on-one.  Sabin actually ran wild on both guys.  Joe cut him off and went for the muscle-buster, but Bentley tripped him up.  In the ring, Daniels grabbed Sabin and hit him with the angel’s wings for the pin.  Good, but not the total blow-away I was expecting.
529
530        Daniels wanted a handshake or something afterwards, and Joe gave it to him, but then flipped out, dropkicked him and whacked him with a chairshot.  Daniels gigged.  I guess this was a double turn or something because the announcers were outraged by Joe’s behavior.  I was trying to figure out why Joe was so mad, since they won the match together.  “This goes against everything the X-Division stands for!” Tenay screamed.  Is this going to lead to a FIGHT WITHOUT HONOR~!?  Joe laid him out with a muscle-buster and threw a chair into the ring.  They sent out the smallest ref ever to restore order.  You know what happened to him.  Joe then hit Daniels with another muscle buster onto a chair.  Um, he’s done for.  Crowd chanted “LET’S GO JOE, LET’S GO!” and “JOE JOE JOE!”  Great heel turn there.  Daniels was stretchered out afterwards, and they made sure to note that AJ Styles, Daniels’ long-time rival, came out on the ramp and was greatly disappointed with Joe’s behavior.
531
5325.  Abyss vs. Sabu in a no-DQ match.  Sabu used a chair in the opening moments of this match, and then it broke down into a normal wrestling bout.  This was clearly not what the fans wanted to see.  Sabu did his usual whacky spots.  He tried the triple jump moonsault, but Abyss grabbed the chair and whacked him with it.  Then he lodged the chair between the top and middle rope.  Why would you do such a thing?  Why not just hit the guy with the chair again?  Abyss set up a table outside, and as he was doing so, Sabu came over the top with a flipping legdrop.  His leg hit Abyss in the back of the head and drove him face-first into the table, and I thought, wow, you are fucked.  But he managed to continue on, and not only that, he grabbed his bag of tacks about 20 seconds later.  I guess that’s one of Abyss’ trademark spots, getting hit with something insane and then being back on his feet seconds later.  As he was scattering the tacks, Sabu grabbed a chair wrapped in barbed wire.  Jim Mitchell distracted him and somehow Sabu lost the chair.  Abyss teased bumping into the tacks, but then grabbed Sabu by the throat and chokeslammed him into them.  That’s gotta suck.  He made the cover and Sabu kicked out.  Abyss went to splash him into the tacks but Sabu moved and he went gut-first into them.  Sabu covered and he kicked out.  God bless men who love wrestling enough to do stuff like this.  So after all that, Sabu put him in the CAMEL CLUTCH.  Abyss did not tap out.  So what do you do after all that?  Well, Abyss gave him the black hole slam onto the barbed wire chair and got the pin.  Well, the tack gimmick is dead, which is too bad since two-thirds of the people watching are new and you probably could have gone a year before having someone kick out of them.  Not much of a match, but quite the spectacle at the end.
533
5346.  AJ Styles vs. Petey Williams for the X Title.  Crowd chanted “AJ!”  This match was highspotrrific early.  That’s really the story of this show thus far.  Crowd chanted “LET’S GO PETEY!” and “LET’S GO AJ!”, but it lacked a lot of passion.  Petey ended up outside and AJ did a running flip dive over the top rope onto him.  The bad news was that he overshot him a bit and landed ass-first on the barricade, then flew into the front row.  That was horrifying.  Everyone appeared to be OK.  And then, perhaps, AJ’s career ended.  They were fighting on the apron and Petey gave him a German off the apron into the barricade.  I have no words to describe how beyond devastating this was.  In the main event of WrestleMania for a seven-figure payoff, as God is my witness I would never take that move.  They got back into the ring and Petey suplexed him onto his head and shoulder.  I will be absolutely stunned if AJ is not handicapped or a pill addict by 30.  If you are appalled that I would say such a thing, well clearly you didn’t see this match.  AJ finally hit the Pele kick and made his big comeback.  They traded nearfalls to a surprising lack of reaction.  If I took that bump into the barricade – which I would never do – and I finally made my comeback and got this reaction, it would be my last match.  Petey did a diving huracanrana and hit his own head on the canvas going over.  AJ went up top for something but got distracted by Samoa Joe coming out on the ramp.  He wasn’t distracted enough to not quickly pin Petey with the Styles clash off the middle rope.  A hell of a match, but personally, I just want to know if it was worth the price AJ will be paying soon.
535
5367.  Jeff Jarrett & AMW vs. Team 3-D & Rhino.  Brother Ray and D-Von had Eddy armbands on.  That was nice.  Someone held up a “WE WANT JOHNNY POLO!” sign.  That was nice.  They all brawled in the crowd early.  Rhino appeared to be wearing a diaper under his trunks.  No one believed me so I commanded them to check it out.  “He does,” said Brent.  Vinny though it was more likely to be his boxers.  Why would you wear your boxers under your tights?  “OK, I don’t know what that is,” Vince finally admitted.  They had now been outside the ring about five straight minutes.  Well, I suppose they needed something to follow AJ nearly killing himself on the barricade.  Bubba and Harris finally got into the ring and Bubba went to work on him with a cheese grater.  Major stupidity occurred.  Bubba went to powerbomb Harris through a table outside, but someone MOVED THE TABLE and Harris took the bump on the pretty black mats.  This entire show is constantly reminding me why I retired.  Rhino gave Jarrett a piledriver on the ramp.  He went to spear him through a table, but Storm made the save with a superkick.  Crowd was chanting “THIS IS AWESOME!”  Jarrett gave Bubba a stroke in the ring, but Bubba kicked out.  Rhino gored Jarrett, but Harris pulled the ref out of the ring.  “THIS IS BS!” screamed Don.  In the ring, AMW hit D-Von with the Hart attack, but he kicked out.  AMW went for their finish, but Bubba pushed Harris off the top into the barricade, then hit Storm with the 3-D for the pin.  I don’t know about awesome, but a pretty darn good little main event all things considered. 
537
538        After the match, Jarrett returned and wacked Rhino with a guitar.  Dudleys cut him off, set up a table and went to give him the 3-D through it.  Gail Kim tried to interfere, but Team Canada ran out to save her.  They were about to put D-Von through a table when Christian hit the ring with a chair.  He took off his jacket to reveal a Team Canada T-shirt.  There were some boos, but it appeared a lot in the crowd didn’t believe it.  Sure enough, he gave D’Amore the unprettier, which needs a new name immediately, and then the Dudleys gave Jarrett a 3-D through the table.  Good angle to end the show.
539
540In House Notes
541
542        I hope everyone is OK with this issue, because it is well below par.  The sections that are missing here were actually never even written.  For the first time ever, we did a Classic Frank A. Gotch, partly because I didn’t have time to write a new one and partly because I don’t think I could have thought of anything funny anyway.  See you all next week, and take care.
543
544        Very special thanks to the following people for their help in producing Figure Four Weekly this week:  Gladys “Granny” Gibson, Dave Meltzer, Tony Leder, Stuart Max, Alex Marvez, Colin Vassallo, Jess McGrath, Kris Zellner, Manuel Gonzalez, Craig Proper, Vincent Verhei, Keith Lipinski, Robert Bihari, Dean Baker, Kyle Wolf, Devin Cutting, Shawn Garrett, Bob Barnett, Mike Lano, Adam Lebow, Mike Sempervive.
545
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549
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578        Death of WCW:  Myself and co-author RD Reynolds run down the life and death of WCW, with a heavy emphasis on the final years of the Monday Night Wars.  The 330-page book has more detail on the subject than any book currently on the market, and the comedy totally wrote itself (as you’ll recall if you lived through the era).  Purchase your copy at a local retailer such as Barnes and Noble or Borders, or order online today at www.deathofwcw.com.
579
580        Super Chico DVDs:  Super Chico Volume V and VI are currently available on DVD.  Chico V feature six matches, and includes some special features.  There is an alternate audio track in which I do commentary on all the matches, giving details on how they were put together and background information on everyone involved, and there is also a bonus match from my backyard wrestling days in the Youth Wrestling Federation.  The DVD sells for $25, which includes free shipping and handling.  Chico VI is a two-disc set featuring 12 matches and several special features, including two whacky skits (the Tour of Figure Four Headquarters and How Shoulders Torelli Became Vinny V), a bloopers reel, and a commentary track with some special guests, including Vinny and Buddy Wayne.  This set sells for $30, which also includes shipping and handling.  Chico V and VI are currently available together for $50, a savings of five dollars.
581
582        Super Chico videotapes:  Super Chico Volume II, III, IV and V are available for $20 each, which includes Priority Mail delivery to anywhere in the world.  Each tape features dozens of my recent indy matches from around the Northwest, and Volume IV features a goofy “Tour of Figure Four Weekly Headquarters”.
583
584Indies
585
586Hulk and Brooke Hogan will be appearing at the Billboard Music Awards show on December 6th.  I suspect the camera crew from Hogan Knows Best will be there as well.
587
588  Hogan is also shooting a movie called Little Hercules in 3-D.
589
590Jim Duggan is telling people that he’s surprised WWE called him to do anything since he has thus far refused to sign a Legend’s deal.
591
592  Notes from a Chris Jericho interview on Between the Ropes Radio in Florida, which would be the first interview he has given anyone since leaving WWE.  He’s been touring all over the world with Fozzy and also doing some acting.  His latest project is a movie for the Sci-Fi Network called 2Human, which also stars Joseph Lawrence (Joey Lawrence, who I guess, in an effort to be taken seriously, is now JOSEPH).  Jericho said he was doing stuff with the E! Network, including red carpet work with Joan Rivers (I have not seen this, but I MUST) and taking acting classes.  Believe it or not, he’s flying weekly to LA and refuses to move from Florida.  He said flying there once a week was still much easier than what he used to have to do with WWE.  He said he’s encountered some roadblocks in Hollywood because of his past (with a few exceptions, Rock being the most obvious, wrestlers don’t have the best track record in Hollywood).  He said the good news was that his size, which was a detriment of sorts in WWE, wasn’t a detriment in Hollywood, pointing out that even Rock had dropped a ton of weight for roles.  He said he didn’t miss wrestling at all, and that it was fun for him now to just sit at home and watch the matches as a fan.  Join the club, pal.  No one can even fathom how much greater it is to go to indy shows now as a fan, knowing that I’m not going to have to suit up and actually get into the ring.  He admitted the photo of him in front of the TNA logo that he posted on his site months back was done as a rib to get the Internet talking.  “I was like, these guys don’t know why I’m really leaving wrestling. So I called up my webmaster and I said let’s put a TNA logo up on the site and just see what happens. And man, you talk about a s-h-i-t storm through the Chris Jericho household. Everybody from Johnny Ace on down was calling me asking what the heck was going on. I actually e-mailed Vince and told him what I was doing, but nobody else. I had Jeff Jarrett, Scott D’Amore, John Laurinaitis, and all those guys calling me up and asking me what’s going on and fans and friends in the course of three or four hours. I thought it was pretty funny. Mission accomplished. Just having a little bit of harmless fun at the expense of the Internet fans.”  He said his contract expired in July and he told Vince he was leaving, and Vince asked him to stay through SummerSlam.  He said he didn’t want fans to lose interest in the feud since he was leaving afterwards, so he had WWE.com post the announcement that he’d signed an extension (which, in fact, he had — it was just a short-term extension).  Regarding Cena, he said:  “And I don’t think he’s a bad worker. I think he gets a bad rap. I also get a kick out of that he’s in a big long angle with Kurt Angle, who’s apparently the best in the world right now or so I’ve heard or so he says, but yet the two matches I had with Cena were better than the ones he’s had with Kurt so far so somebody’s doing something right.”  Don’t know if I’d agree with that, but both Jericho and Angle did get way better matches out of Cena than anyone had any right to expect. Regarding going to TNA:  “You never say never. There’s no doubt about it. But contrary to popular belief, Vince is a great boss. He was the best guy I ever worked for. We made a lot of money together. I feel a loyalty to Vince, and to nobody else in WWE believe me. If Vince wasn’t the boss, I’d probably say absolutely. But as long as Vince is the boss and the head of WWE, I’ll always feel, like I said, a loyalty to him. Not that I owe him anything, but I would at least owe him a courtesy call to say, ‘Listen, this is what I’m thinking about doing.’”  He did admit that as much as Vince would hate to hear this, he probably watched more TNA than WWE these days.  He loves Samoa Joe.  Who doesn’t?  He’s also high on AJ Styles. He said when he first broke in he wrote all his own stuff, including that very first promo on Rock, but nowadays everything gets written for you.  “If I was in charge of Raw for four weeks, I would throw some of these guys out with no script at all. You got five minutes to do a promo and you’re on in an hour and see what they come up. The ratings aren’t going to go down. It’s not like if you do a promo that totally sucks for five minutes, people are going to not watch forever. I’d like to see some of those guys in trial by fire and see just how they react and see what they got.”  He said at some point he might return to wrestling, but right now, he had no intentions of doing so whatsoever.
593
594  Notes from a Matt Morgan interview with James Guttman.  Morgan plugged his new reality show, Mark and Matt Live starring himself and Mark Jindrak, which as God is my witness I am not making up.  He said fans would get to see “the real Jindrak and Morgan”.  There is a 30-second preview of the show up on their site, markandmattlive.com.  It is 30 seconds of the guys looking at the camera, walking around, lifting weights, and I think Jindrak throws one horrible worked punch at a trainee in a ring.  You must see this, right now.  Morgan plugged the show, saying it would show fans what wrestlers were like in real life.  He said he didn’t want people to go through life thinking he stuttered when in reality he graduated 5th in his class with a communications degree (this is true).  He said — and I’m not sure how this is a selling point — that Mark Jindrak in real life is much like his WWE character.  I didn’t even know Mark Jindrak had a WWE character.  He said he watched video of people who stuttered to prepare for his role.  To think that time and effort and study that went into that.  I’m not blaming him because it wasn’t his idea, but man.  Did Jillian Hall have to watch videos of people with facial deformities to prepare for her role as Mole Girl?.
595
596  Kyle Wolf wrote in to point out that the release date for Russo’s book has been pushed back to November 1.  He also passed along this description of the book which I presume was written by the publishing company:  “One of the key professional wrestling or ‘sports entertainment’ writers, Vince Russo helped pen modern wrestling’s most electric storylines. Revealing the true, behind-the-scenes stories from some of wrestling’s most famous moments, including Bret Hart’s lost championship and the rise to superstardom of Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mick Foley, and The Rock, this autobiography is the one that every wrestling fan has been waiting for. Touching and beautifully written, this memoir offers a modern day parable about the price of success and the power of redemption.”  Every wrestling fan.  Beautifully written. Parable.  At least they didn’t use the line about how he was the greatest writer in the history of wrestling.  The book made it to number 14 in the Amazon.com wrestling charts this week.
597
598  Universal Uproar ran in the UK this weekend before about 1,700, which is down from the last show in the building that sold out the approximately 3,500 seats.  Lots of major names from both the US indy scene and Japan, though three or four were pulled at the last minute.  The most interesting thing was that several TNA names were promised, but then pulled in the last week due to the Genesis PPV.  Problem is, they didn’t pull everyone; Sonjay Dutt managed to work both shows no problem, but AJ Styles and Chris Daniels were among those yanked.  Said to be a very disappointing show until the main event, which was good enough that people left very happy.  Mick Foley worked the semi-main and was said to have his working shoes on.  He teamed with Sandman, Steve Corino and Paul Travell vs.  Alex Shane, Stixx, Stone and Iceman (not Chuck Liddell).  Shane, the promoter of the event, pinned Foley (I know you’re stunned), but then lost to Corino in the end.  Well, to be honest, it was right for business, because Corino and Shane are going to continue to feud here and Foley is going back to the US.  Main was Doug Williams & Jun Akiyama beating Go Shiozaki & Kenta Kobashi when Williams pinned Go with his chaos theory German suplex.  Fans loved Kobashi and he played to the crowd quite a bit, way more than he ever would in Japan.  The fans loved it, so he played to them more, meaning he’s caught on to how things work over here.  Not that anyone under the sun should be surprised that Kobashi quickly adjusted to an American style of working.
599
600  There is nothing like a Sid interview to cheer you up during a sad week.  He explained that he didn’t do a lot of indy dates because, quite frankly, doing so was beneath him and would devalue his triumphant return.  This is already awesome.  He said he wasn’t going to TNA because A) they hadn’t offered him anything yet, and B) that just wasn’t the sort of thing he’d be interested in because it was too far below where he felt he should be.  If he wasn’t working for Vince McMahon, he said, he wasn’t working anywhere.  You tell em, Sid!  Stick to your guns!  “I know this sounds horrible or maybe rude,” he said. “I wouldn’t waste a day working with them that I could be in the gym working out or at the track running”.   He said that when Vince called, he wanted to be in the best shape possible for his big comeback.  You know, after watching WWE TV the past three months, if they actually ended up calling Sid I think I’d only be mildly surprised.  He said he had the greatest idea ever for an angle.  This has been on the Sid Back Burner for years now.  It would involve, he explained, a lengthy run as World Heavyweight Champion, and at the end of it he would drop the belt and put over a new rising star.  He said whatever ideas WWE had for him, he’d listen, but there was no way they could possibly come up with anything better.  They finished up asking him where he ranked himself among the all-time world-class draws.  He said quite frankly, he’d be about number one or two, even above Austin and Rock.  After all, he said, they only drew big money one time, whereas he drew big money all the time with numerous different opponents.  If it weren’t so obviously below him, I’d love to hire Sid to write the Flying Mare.
601
602  Notes from a Bret Hart Q&A in New York.  He was asked when he started hating Shawn Michaels and he replied:  “I was always a decent guy and Shawn was just an asshole.”  His hate was probably rekindled this past Sunday at 6:15 PM when Dave started reading excerpts from Shawn’s book on Observer Live.  He was asked about the WWE Hall of Fame and he said you probably wouldn’t see him inducted in 2006, though he had been given offers.  He said if he did anything for WWE again, it would have to be at Madison Square Garden.  Since WWE doesn’t run MSG anymore, maybe that was his polite way of saying fuck no.  He said his favorite match was against Davey Boy Smith at SummerSlam in Wembley Stadium.  He was asked if he’d ever thought about opening a wrestling school, and he said he had until he suffered the stroke.  Now, he said, it was sort of just a dream.  They asked him about Flair and he said he was a great wrestling one hundred years ago.  Well, that’s an improvement over last year when I think he would have said Flair was NEVER a great wrestler.  He was asked about Montreal and he said Michaels and Hunter were scum, and he could never have double-crossed Shawn like Shawn did to him.  Someone asked if Russo was involved in any way and Bret said no.  Wait until he reads Russo’s book.  Someone asked what he would have done if he’d been smartened up to the Montreal finish before the match.  He said he would have walked out and punched Shawn and Vince.  “The end”.
603
604  Notes from a Devon (Dudley) interview on Barbaric Wrestling.  He said he was through bashing Johnny Ace, and really wanted to thank him for allowing Team 3-D to go to Japan and TNA and make way the hell more than they were offered to re-sign with WWE.  He said the first TNA prime-time special didn’t have enough promotion to break the 1.0 barrier, but the next one would for sure.  I’d agree with that.  He said they’d soon be working more hardcore matches in TNA, and that the flaming tables were on their way.
605
606  Sean Waltman, who still shows up often for the TNA tapings even though they’re not using him, will be working for the FIP promotion down in Florida which Gabe Sapolski of Ring of Honor also books.
607
608  ROH is billing Lance Storm as appearing on the December 3rd show in New York.  He’ll be signing autographs and doing a shoot interview later on.
609
610MMA
611
612Talk about an incredible story.  Lee Murray, who was stabbed multiple times in a bar fight a little over a month ago, and was told at the time that he’d never fight again, is already back doing light training.  This is so incredible, in fact, that I would not have believed it had there not been a video on the Internet of him working out.  Keep in mind, a knife punctured his heart and lungs.  Truly insane.
613
614  Along with Luke, Brad Imes, whose mother passed away in Las Vegas last week the day after his TUF finale fight, was also signed to a UFC deal.
615
616  There was an MFC show in Atlantic City on November 5th that featured a hair vs. hair match.  I am all for more whacky stips in MMA if they are built up properly.  I’ve mentioned this a million times but I saw a tag team MMA match up here in Kirkland once, involving Ivan Salaverry, in fact, before he was BANISHED~! from UFC, and it was awesome.  So with the list of stips, we’ve got loser must retire (sort of, on TUF), cage match (all UFC fights), loser gets shaved, and maybe a few others I’m forgetting.  So what’s next, obviously, is a lumberjack MMA match in PRIDE; a ladder MMA match; perhaps two-out-of three falls; and a match where Dana White acts as heel referee (as long as he doesn’t wear spandex biker shorts and a t-shirt tied at the waist).
617
618  Although Tito initially denied it, it appears a Tito Ortiz vs. Matt Lindland fight is scheduled for February in Las Vegas for the WFA promotion.  Interesting fight in that it could be very good or a total borefest.
619
620  PRIDE announced Naoya Ogawa vs. Hidehiko Yoshida for their New Year’s Eve show.  Would have been far, far bigger a few years back, and as mentioned before, I don’t think there is any fight under the sun that is going to be bigger than K-1’s Kid Yamamoto vs. Genki Sudo.  Royce Gracie vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama (judo) has also been signed by K-1.  Yay, Gracie is fighting.
621
622  Kazushi Sakuraba is teaching an extension course at Waseda University in Japan covering sports management and such.
623
624  Regarding Nick Diaz, Dana White told Graciefighter.com (Diaz’s camp):  “I don’t know where these rumors are coming from, but I can tell you that Nick Diaz is one of the most exciting fighters we have and I couldn’t be happier with him. The stuff on the Internet is a bunch of crap and if you don’t here [sic] it directly from me, it’s probably a lie. As a matter of fact I was so impressed with the performance of all of the fighters in the TUF Finale that I will be sending them a bonus check. Diaz’s performance and showmanship in and out of the ring is exactly what we like about him and I have never considered firing him from the UFC.”  What a wonderful, loving man that Dana White is.  I was so wrong about him.  And this also explains the MMA media ban; only HE speaks the truth, therefore no other media is necessary.
625
626  Notes from a Matt Hughes interview on Live Audio Wrestling.  He said he initially had no interest whatsoever in coaching TUF season two, particularly because he didn’t want to be away from his family for so long, but his wife eventually talked him into it, both because she thought it would be good for his career and also because she loved Vegas.  He said she was out there for the entire second half of the tapings.  He said he wasn’t really happy with some of the editing, but could live with it.  There were a few scenes that were shuffled around which I guess made him come across as more of a prick.  “Like one time they showed me playing some cards when Jason Von Flue fought, and actually I was playing cards way before his fight. I wasn’t playing cards after the fight like they showed.”  Regarding Jorge and others, he said if he didn’t like you he wouldn’t say a word to you, and because he liked Jorge he teased him a lot.  Same went for others, including Rich Franklin, who he got along with great but was constantly teasing.  Regarding Tito Ortiz, he apparently is under the impression that Tito has not, in fact, drawn some of the biggest buyrates in company history.  “Basically my response is Tito who? Wondering why you asked that question because I don’t think anybody ever worries about Tito anymore. He was a paper champion. He never fought really anybody tough, and when he did he got beat. The UFC made a poster boy. That was Tito, and then Tito thought he was somebody special. And then he got beat, and now he’s out. That’s the way I look at it.”  Well, it’s a good thing Matt is just training and fighting and not running the show.
627
628  Read another article about Hughes, 33, in what I believe was his hometown paper (actually don’t have the source).  He talked about being a country boy who grew up on his parent’s farm, got into fighting, and plans to return to the farm in about five years.  He’s FARMER HUGHES.  Eastern head coach Ralph McCausland said of him:  “The potential was incredible.  There’s guys that are strong, that can put up a lot of weight, and then there are guys who are powerful, and in all my years, Matt personified power.  He can put up a lot of weight but there is something unique about him — something uncanny and as he says, even to himself, he’s kind of a freak of nature in the power ratio.”  MMA was apparently something he was just going to try out, to see where it might lead him, and the rest is history.  He said when he first got started, nobody knew what MMA was, and now you mention it in any room and everyone knows what you’re talking about.  He said the TV show helped everything really take off financially for him, and now he was making two to three times the money in sponsorship deals as he was for actually beating men up.
629
630Bryan’s Friend Vince’s Tape Review and Karaoke Showcase
631
632Eddy Stuff
633
634        I woke up Sunday morning after being up way too late Saturday night, eagerly anticipating another day of football. Five minutes before the first game, I got an instant message from a buddy: “Did you hear about Eddie?” I knew this would be bad news. “Dead.” I tried to find more details, but at the time, there were no other details to be known. Not knowing what else to do, I broke out my WrestleMania XX DVD and skipped to the end, where Eddie and Benoit celebrated in the ring, best friends, twin kings of the world, conquering heroes. I put the whole thing in a loop and watched it over and over again. An hour passed. Finally I turned off the TV but left the DVD playing. Throughout the day I’d pass in to watch it three or four more times. It was the last thing I saw when I went to bed and the first thing I saw when I woke up the next day. After a while it was like watching Eddie say goodbye to Chris, which he never got to do in real life. Then I started thinking about the future. Someday – and hopefully not for 40 or 50 years or more – Chris Benoit is going to pass away. And when he does, I picture his arrival into heaven going exactly like this. He’ll find himself face to face with Eddie. Eddie will applaud. The two men will embrace and cry together again. Maybe that’s a security blanket my brain invented to help me sleep through the night. In any event, I feel like watching some Eddie matches, and since I’ve already reviewed his DVD, I’m looking elsewhere. As most of you know, wwe.com is offering free access to their 24/7 library this month, so I’m going to see what’s available there.
635
636Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero. This was from August of 1996, and Flair’s U.S. title was on the line. My God, WCW wasted this match on the rubes at Hog Wild. Eddie’s mullet alone had to make him the babyface with this crew. He came out to some generic song that was very poorly edited in, several levels of volume higher than anything else. I’m watching this on a 4-inch window on my monitor. The sound is perfect, the video quality is good enough. Flair came out with Woman and Elizabeth. You know how usually a wrestling show will have one hard camera focused on the ring, with a packed arena in the background? The only thing in the background here was a large green hill. Oh, and some motorhomes. If this were a videogame, this arena would be a hidden feature. I can’t believe I’m watching THIS match in THIS environment. Dusty Rhodes used the term “devilish women” over and over again. They did some stuff to show that Eddie wasn’t intimidated; Flair would shove Eddie, then Eddie would shove Flair and Naitch would bump. They’d do the same thing with slaps. Flair went to give Eddie a back suplex and something went horribly wrong. Eddie came down damn near on his head and Flair came up grabbing his wrist. Things slowed down as Eddie worked a headlock. Eddie was awesome then, but he would get LIGHT YEARS better over the following ten years, particularly his charisma and personality. Flair got the heat with an eyepoke. Fans started cheering for Eddie, then honking their horns. Let me repeat that: They HONKED their HORNS, because they were watching their show from motorcycles. Eddie made a comeback, dropkicking Flair off the apron. Flair took over again and FOULED~! him. Bobby Heenan made a tasteless joke and Tony Schiavone no-sold it. I forgot how horrible they were together, and they were together for YEARS AND YEARS. Eddie hit a drop toehold and hooked a figure-four. Flair fought and fought and got the ropes. Eddie grabbed Ric’s hand, climbed the ropes and hit a rana. My God, I just saw Ric Flair do LUCHA~! Eddie hit a tornado DDT for two. Flair went up top, but got was slammed off. Eddie hit a sunset flip and grabbed the trunks so Flair could show his ass to everyone. Eddie poked Flair in the eyes. CHEAT TO WIN! (Which was the precursor to Lying, Cheating and Stealing.) He hit the frog splash, but started selling his knee. Flair hit a Stan Hansen lariat, slapped on the figure-four and grabbed the ropes. He switched to grabbing Woman’s hands for leverage and Eddie was pinned. The announcers were going crazy pointing out that Eddie was in control until he made the mistake of hitting a frog splash with a hurt knee. This was some old school fun.
637
638Chris Benoit & Eddie Guerrero vs. The Rock & Edge. This was from SmackDown in August of 2002. Rock was undisputed champion here. I’d forgotten he ever had that belt, but then I remembered he dropped it to Brock Lesnar. Rock and Eddie started and BROUGHT THE AWESOME. I think Rock and Eddie had one singles match, on Raw one time. I was hoping it would be available on 24/7, but not yet. All I remember is that Eddie took the GREATEST BUMP EVER off a simple punch. Anyway, Benoit came in and there was plenty of awesome to go around. Heels just started double-teaming Rocky for the heat. Rocky was so great because he made everyone else look good. I mean, he was nearly a foot taller than these guys, but it wasn’t obvious unless you paid close attention. It’s not like he was standing over them or throwing them around, he just worked his usual match. He made the hot tag to Edge, who made a big comeback on both heels. Finally they just double-teamed him to death. He fought free and reached for the tag, but Benoit hit a drop toehold and Eddie followed up with a hilo. That was a great spot right there. Eddie put on an Indian deathlock. Edge got the ropes. These guys were all WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF. Edge almost fought free, but Benoit cut him off and hit the rolling Germans. He went with a single leg crab. They set Edge up for a double superplex, but Edge broke it up. The resulting melee left all three men prone on the mat. Edge almost got the tag, but Benoit elbowed him off the apron to the floor. Eddie went for the punches in the corner, but Edge picked him up and hit a HYOOGE Big Dave Bomb. He teased the hot tag forever, then finally made it and Rocky went to town. Michael Cole pointed out that it was undisputed champ Rock against Intercontinental champ Benoit. Edge came in and speared Eddie, then went for one on Benoit but missed and hit the post. Rock took out Eddie with a Rock Bottom, then stood over Benoit. Brock Lesnar appeared on stage with a chair. Rock was distracted for just an instant, but Benoit pounced like a cobra and put on the crossface. Rock was trapped in the crossface and stared Brock down, then finally tapped out. This was PHE PHUKKING NOMINAL in so many different ways. Brock retreated up the ramp, but was jumped by Hulk Hogan, who laid out Brock with a chair.
639
640Eddie Guerrero vs. Brian Pillman. And we turn the creepiness knob all the way up. This was from a Clash of the Champions in January of 1996. Pillman was getting in the face of fans, then shoved Schiavone, who replied with this grave warning: “Hey, stay away from me, fella!” What a bastion of manhood Schiavone is. Eddie worked a headlock back in the ring. He sent Pillman out of the ring with a dropkick. Pillman tried to hide behind Heenan. Heenan was eminently not cool with this. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” He got up and almost walked to the back, but eventually collected himself and returned to the table. He apologized for his language, then started calling Pillman a loose cannon. Eddie and Pillman lit into each other with chops. Eddie made a comeback with multiple dropkicks. He hit a tornado DDT, but Pillman kicked out. Eddie picked Pillman up and slapped the hell out of him. Pillman went for a cover with his feet on the ropes, but Eddie kicked out. Pillman hit a crossbody out of nowhere for the pin. He started throwing kicks at the announce table as they played the HORSEMEN THEME~! This was really just an angle to get Pillman’s character over.
641
642OK, I’m going to cheat a little bit. I’m reprinting my review of Eddie vs. Brock from No Way Out in February, 2004. This is, frankly, one of my favorite reviews ever, of one of my favorite matches ever, probably the best David vs. Goliath match I’ve ever seen. It’s the biggest match of Eddie’s career. Some will say Eddie’s best match was with Art Barr vs. Santo and Octagon, or against Rey Jr. at Halloween Havoc, but as far as I’m concerned this was as good as he got. There is a bit in the middle that leaves me with a queasy feeling, but at the time it fit perfectly.
643
644Eddie Guerrero d. Brock Lesnar to win the WWE title. This was from No Way Out in February of 2004. I miss Brock’s music, entrance video and promos. Oh, and his matches. I like the fan with the “BRING BACK STRIKE FORCE” sign. Eddie was, um, over. Cole pointed out this was Eddie’s first PPV main event. Brock started off throwing Eddie around, but Eddie wasn’t backing down. Brock ended up cornering Eddie and destroying him. Eddie should have backed down. Brock hit a MASSIVE backdrop. Eddie went for a diving rana, but Brock caught him, spun around and just tossed him aside. He followed up with some scary belly-to-bellys. He hit a high knee in the corner, which set up his spectacular bump later. Tazz was going crazy saying Eddie had no chance, to the point of overkill. Brock hit another belly-to-belly and Eddie bailed. Eddie kept trying to get back in, but Brock kept cutting him off. Eddie finally snapped Brock’s neck on the top rope. He grabbed Brock’s leg to wrap it around the post, but not until Brock had put up a LONG struggle and almost broke free. Eddie went to wrap the leg around the post again, but Brock pulled Eddie into the post. So far Brock was on offense for about 90 percent of the match. He lifted Eddie up in a fisherman’s suplex position, held him in the sky for several hours and finally hit a suplex. That got two. Brock went for a chinlock with bodyscissors. Eddie broke the bodyscissors with elbows to the ribs, but was still in the chinlock. He finally broke free with a jawjacker. He hit the ropes, but Brock caught him and pressed him. Eddie ducked behind and dropkicked the knee. He went for a second one but Brock lariated him to death. You’ll note that ten minutes in, Eddie had yet to hit more than two moves in a row. Brock went to work on Eddie’s back in the corner as a squad of security guys went crazy confiscating signs in the crowd. They missed the one reading “MARTY JANNETTY FAN CLUB.” Brock went for a high knee in the corner again, but Eddie dodged. Brock’s knee hit the top turnbuckle and he tumbled over the ropes to the floor, just like Rey Bucanero except that Brock weighs almost twice as much. God, that dude is freaky. Eddie followed with a plancha. They teased a double countout, then Eddie got his first real offense back in the ring. I think I counted four consecutive moves before Brock cut him off again with a hotshot. As Brock stood over Eddie talking smack, Eddie grabbed Brock’s leg and put on a heelhook, then switched it to an STF. Crowd went CRAZY for that. Brock powered free, but Eddie kept on the attack. This was fifteen minutes in, and was the first time they even hinted that Brock might be in trouble. Eddie went for a figure four, but Brock’s legs were just too damn big. Eddie kept going for leg submissions, but Brock kept fighting free. One belly-to-belly suplex ended that pattern. They teased a double KO as the crowd chanted “GOLDBERG!” Eddie came back and attacked the leg again, getting the figure four this time. Surprisingly little heat for that. I think the crowd had figured out the match wasn’t ending until Goldberg came out. Brock finally got the ropes. Eddie went to a modified sharpshooter, then switched back to the STF, and the crowd went crazy again. Is there some San Francisco legend who used the STF I’m not aware of? Brock powered out of it again. Brock went to a crossface chickenwing (!), then switched to a sleeperhold. Eddie fought free and went for a missile dropkick, but Brock dodged. Brock’s selling of the leg was awesome, to the point where he hit a ONE-LEGGED SUPLEX. Somewhere in here Brock got a bloody nose, which made it even cooler when he screamed “DIE EDDIE! JUST DIE!” He then tried to squeeze Eddie to death. “HE’S DEAD!” Sorry, Brock, no. Eddie finally got to his feet, but couldn’t break the waistlock and Brock hit a gutwrench suplex. Brock, frustrated, tried some amateur-style rollups, then tried to squeeze him more. Eddie appealed to the Lord, then broke free with a series of headbutts, of all things. He hit the rolling verticals. He went for the frog splash, but Brock dodged. Brock hit the F-5, but bumped the ref in the process. “GOLDBERG!” Brock went for the cover. No ref. Brock retrieved the belt from ringside. Goldberg finally hit the ring and speared Brock. Crowd went nuts. This left all three men prone in the ring as the crowd chanted Eddie’s name. He went for the cover, but by the time the ref recovered Brock kicked out. Always good to see fans jumping up and down after a nearfall, then stopping when they realize the match isn’t over yet. Eddie picked up the title and waited for Brock to stand up. He went for the beltshot, but Brock ducked and hit a kick. He went for the F-5, but Eddie turned it into a DDT onto (well, near) the belt. He hit the frog splash. The ref counted three. The building exploded. A chill ran down my spine. People were celebrating this like Red Sox fans after the World Series, frenzied, running, crying, jumping, embracing complete strangers. I remember that everyone, from wrestlers to writers to Internet marks to casual fans, knew that Goldberg was going to interfere and cost Brock the title, but when it actually happened it still seemed unreal. Eddie dove into the stands to celebrate with la raza. When you buy the DVD, you must use slow-mo, as slowly as possible, at the 34-minute, 12-second point in this match. Note the blond dude on the right side of the screen holding the disposable camera. Has there ever been a happier human being, ever? A tearful Eddie grabbed His Championship Belt and ran to embrace his mother and brother Mando, and some other Mexicans. Somebody tossed Eddie a flag, not the Mexican flag but some Mexican pride thingie. Eddie knelt with the belt at the top of the ramp and pointed to the sky, to God and Gory and Art and everyone. “Tonight, Eddie Guerrero will simply be known as W~! W~! E~! CHAMPION~!” screamed Cole, who I can now never hate again. **** 1/2 match, several million stars for the celebration.
645
646And now I’m sitting here with a dark, empty feeling. I’m writing this on a cold, foggy night in Seattle. Outside my window, the first frost of the season has settled on the grass. I do take some solace in the fact that Eddie could have and should have died several years ago, but was blessed with time to put his life and family back together, make peace with God and reach the peak of his profession.
647
648Q: Do you think fate brought you to this? A. I’ve asked myself that same question. I believe that in my life. I believe in God and Christ. I believe this is God telling me in some way, “Hey look, I do reward you when you’re willing to do the next right thing. I do reward you when you’re willing to make strides to work at your life, and change in general, and change for the better.” Becoming the WWE champion is a dream, but it’s more than that for me. It’s not just a title, it represents for me a way of life. A good way of life. Hey, I’m wearing here around my shoulder my good decisions. It takes a lot. You really got to work in life to make the right decisions. You just can’t say “OK, I’m going to make the right decisions” overnight. It doesn’t work that way. You got to work at changes. You got to work at change within yourself and within, and it takes a lot of work. – Eddie Guerrero, Byte This, March 12, 2004.
649
650Television Reviews
651
652OVW
653
654        Dean Hill opened up saying tonight was the biggest night in OVW history as Johnny Jeter would be taking on Matt Cappotelli for the heavyweight title in the main event.
655
656  Elijah Burke, who has been hanging out with the Dicks since he was DRENCHED in oil, vs. SUPERSTAR DOUG BASHAM.  Doug’s music is the theme from Superman.  Dean adds that he is “starring” in these matches.  Miles, the former Mo Green, carries an enormous sign which reads “APPLAUSE”.  Ok, this gimmick is now officially so bad that it’s good.  I’m sitting here watching Doug Basham, a great wrestler, work his ass off while in possession of the most indyriffic gimmick this side of the Mississippi.  They brawled on the top rope and I thought something really scary was in store for us, but instead, Doug was thrown off, then Elijah hit a diving X-factor for the pin.  Poor Doug, doing jobs left and right even on OVW TV.  He probably drives by the Ford plant every afternoon and sheds a tear.
657
658  My Sweet Angel was hyping up how awesome this show was when That One Girl From Bolin Services came up.  She said Maria was dressed like a tramp.  Maria said, “I thought I was stupid,” then pointed out that this girl was wearing the same dress.  The other girl said hers was AN ORIGINAL.  They got into a catty argument and the other girl asked Maria what she was going to do about it.  Maria said she’d meet her in the ring right now.  Maria is so awesome in every way.  Maria vs. That Girl, whose name is allegedly Sosay.  Sosay is SO not in the same league as my angel.  In fact, she may be of a different species.  They had a catfight.  Dean said they were wearing the same outfit and it was hard to tell them apart.  What the fuck ever.  Then they started trying to do moves and it was awful.  Maria stripped her and I guess was going for a bronco buster, but Ken Doane, that asshole, ran out and pulled her hair.  Bobby Lashley, five-star man, made the save.
659
660  After commercial, Dean was going nuts saying next week it was Lashley vs. Doane for the TV Title.  “MAKE YOUR PLANS!” he screamed.
661
662  CM Punk vs. Brent Albright.  CM Punk was billed as weighing two hundred and forty five pounds.  Is he seven feet tall?  Albright now wears long black tights and is ripped.  I need to find some Albright tapes from early 2004.  I suspect I’d be stunned.  Of course, that goes for one hundred percent of this roster.  Al claimed Punk was a former ROH Pure Champion.  He’s said this for weeks.  Hasn’t Punk smartened him up yet?  Maybe it’s a rib on Al.  Albright kept outwrestling him and then demanding a handshake, but Punk refused to acquiesce.  Is this a FIGHT WITHOUT HONOR?  Has Punk always ran the ropes at half speed?  Is he not used to a ring this big?  I will give him this, he had a HELL of a tan.  He also had some backne going on.  I presume that’s the result of dirty mats and perhaps too few showers each week.  Albright made a comeback and went for the crowbar, but Punk turned it into a crowbar of his own.  Albright refused to tap to his own move.  He missed a diving headbutt, but then came back with a series of rolling Germans and a half-nelson German for the pin.  This pin just came out of nowhere.  He hit the move, covered him, didn’t even hook a leg, and the ref counted three.  It was almost like it was a screw-up.  The highlight of this was Al referring to Punk as, and I quote, “C Punk Punk”.
663
664  Dean announced that the network had told them they could go straight through this next match, no more commercials, even extra time if need be.  I’ve been hearing that for weeks and they haven’t gone past the top of the hour yet.
665
666  Johnny Jeter vs. Matt Cappotelli.  They had a bunch of security guards in the ring to make sure the guys didn’t touch each other until the bell rang.  Well, we know what Cappotelli has been doing since he got hurt.  Tanning.  He was jet black.  Streamers were thrown towards the ring.  A few actually made it inside.  Women were screaming left and right.  I gotta give Heyman credit, this REALLY came off as a major deal from the moment both guys came out of the back.  He did not, however, hire the smartest crew, because nobody bothered to get the streamers out of the ring.  This was also wrestled smartly.  It was a blood feud, so the guys weren’t doing holds 30 seconds in.  They were fighting.  Even the lock-up was the sort of lock-up you’d see in a hockey fight.  Whenever Matt got the better of him, Jeter went right for the bad leg.  Crowd was chanting “FACE YOUR FEAR!” at Jeter.  Odd.  They chopped the PISS out of each other.  Jeter finally went to work full-time on the bad wheel.  Crowd was incensed that he’d do such a thing.  Dean said Cappotelli’s leg had been BROKEN IN HALF.  Matt finally made a big comeback and ran wild.  Jeter, half dead, got on his knees and begged forgiveness.  Matt teased doing so and even hugged him, but then lariated him out of his boots.  Announcers booed this blatant lack of forgiveness.  Some great nearfalls that the crowd was going nuts for.  Jeter went to bail with the belt, but the ref stopped him, then he turned around and Cappotelli wiped him out with a dive.  Jeter may have hit his head on the cement.  OW.  Jeter hit the SUPERKICK OF FUCK and Matt kicked out at 3.2, but this was a ref imported from Mexico so it was considered a nearfall.  Jeter put him in the Texas cloverleaf and Matt sold like a mother before getting the ropes.  Both guys kipped up and Matt made another comeback.  He hit the superkick, but Mr. Kennedy pulled the ref out of the ring.  Cappotelli dove onto him, but wiped out the ref in the process.  Kennedy threw the belt into the ring, but then walked into a superkick.  In the ring, Jeter FOULED~! Cappotelli and wacked him with the belt, and the ref crawled in to count the pin.  And the little girls cried all around Louisville.  A hell of a match worth all the build.  YAY OVW!  
667
668TNA (11/12/05)
669
670        Clips from last week’s prime time special aired.
671
672  Monty Brown came out and cut a promo.  He welcomed us to the Serengeti.  He said he beat everyone there was, and he wasn’t here asking for a title shot, he was demanding it.  Everyone booed.  That was a reaction I did not expect.  He congratulated Jarrett on winning the title, and said if there was anyone in the back who felt they were more deserving of a title shot, they were welcome to come out right now and make that request.  Out came Jim Mitchell and Abyss.  Mitchell was trying to cut a great promo and nobody was paying attention because they were all singing the Abyss song.  I wish I was making this up.  He said for someone who held two Super Bowl rings, Monty sure whined a lot.  “I could have sworn I was listening to Raven,” he added.  He said Monty was a world class athlete and one of the few elite deserving of a title shot.  “But Monty Brown, you listen to me and you listen good.  There is one, one man more deserving of a World Title shot than you.  And that’s the 6-8, 350 pounds weapon of mass destruction, the MONSTER ABYSS~!”  Monty and Abyss were about to go at it when Jeff Hardy came out.  Well, here we go, welcome to Raw.  Or not.  He hit the ring and both guys attacked him.  For those confused, technically Monty Brown is a heel still.  So anyway, after they laid him out, Abyss and Monty went to work on each other.  Jeff wiped them both out with a dropkick.  Security finally hit the ring to break it up.
673
674  Samoa Joe vs. Austin Aries.  Chris Daniels was there to do commentary.  He basically said as big and as great as Samoa Joe was, he was the captain of their four-man elimination match team at the PPV.  So you know where that one is heading.  Joe killed him for a long time, then Aries made his comeback.  Crowd chanted “TNA!”  His comeback didn’t last long.  Joe cut him off, hit the muscle buster, then choked him out for the win.  Joe’s music is so killer.
675
676  Shane Douglas interviewed Larry Zbyzsko and Scott D’Amore.  Scott hyped up the finisher vs. finisher match between AJ Styles and Petey Williams later.  When was the last time either of these men won a match and DIDN’T use their finisher?  Scott then asked Larry to turn the Team Canada vs. 3LK match at the PPV into a hockey stick match (there’s a stick in every corner and it’s legal to use them).  Larry asked why he should sign that.  “I was just thinking about the buyrate!” D’Amore said.  This convinced Larry to sign it.  He added that Kip James would be the special referee.  D’Amore didn’t like that one bit.
677
678  Kip James vs. Lex Lovett.  Kip won with the full nelson slam in about 1 minute.  Out came the Canadians afterwards with their hockey sticks.  Quick question.  If you were the Canadians, and you knew that winning your match at the PPV the next day depended one hundred percent on the special guest referee, would you threaten to beat the shit out of this referee with sticks the night before?  So anyway, 3LK made the save.
679
680  AJ Styles vs. Petey Williams in the finisher vs. finisher match.  In some great unintentional comedy, Mike Tenay said he’d heard from people who would TiVo and then replay the Canadian destroyer over and over and over again, and they still couldn’t figure out how he executed it.  Stephen Hawkings couldn’t figure out how he executed that move.  Match was hurt a bit due to the fact that because of the rules, there really couldn’t be any nearfalls.  Ref took the most absurd bump of the month and Scott D’Amore hit the ring.  AJ went to give him the Styles clash, but Petey whacked him with the belt, and then just as the ref was waking up he hit the destroyer for the pin.
681
682  The replays are now brought to you by MORPHOPLEX~!~~!!.
683
684  Speaking of, the old Morphoplex commercial is back.  You know, the one with the former football player who notes: “I have incredible energy without the juice!”.
685
686  A video package aired for the NWA Title.  “It’s lineage can be traced back to George Hackenschmidt over a century ago,” it was said.  Well, whatever.
687
688  Douglas interviewed Raven and Larry.  He said they’d agreed to meet “peaceably.”  Larry was flanked by security guards, so Raven said that didn’t seem very peaceful to him.  Raven is still upset about something.  Larry said he was going to put Raven though Hell to make sure he deserved a title shot.  And Hell would start tomorrow with Raven vs. A MYSTERY MAN~!  Does that mean Rick Steiner is coming back?.
689
690AMW & Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Sabin & Jeff Hardy & Lance Hoyt.  Bad guys cut off Jeff and went to work.  Hoyt got the hot tag and ran wild.  Broke down into a six-way and Sabin came off the top with a double dropkick.  He looked so out of place in this match.  Hardy did a dive, then Hoyt followed it up with a pescado onto AMW.  In the ring, Chris Sabin hit Jarrett with a cradle DDT and the place went nuts.  Say what you will about Jarrett, but there is a reason the people went nuts for that nearfall — they actually thought Sabin was going to pin him, and in many ways that’s a credit to Jarrett’s work here.  Sabin went up top, but Jarrett cut him off and gave him a middle rope stroke.  Bad guys went to destroy Sabin afterwards, but Rhino made the save with a chair.  Jarrett and AMW backed up the ramp and backed their way into Team 3-D.  Show went off the air with a brawl.  Pretty good show.  Still, it’s missing that something which is the different between an 0.9 and a 2.0, that being storylines that are going to hook casual viewers.    
691
692Smackdown (11/11/05)
693
694        Teddy met with the crew and said he was proud to be standing before them, “the greatest assemblance of talent in the history of sports entertainment.”  YAY TONY SCHIAVONE~!  This was another one of those meetings where no one behaved in a rational manner.  Teddy would say something, and if it was a negative statement everyone would boo in unison, and if it was a positive statement, they would all cheer in unison.  He said Eric Bischoff called Smackdown the B-show.  Even though everyone heard this last week and should therefore not have been a surprised, and should have just stood there perhaps, at the most, grumbling at the memory, instead, as soon as Teddy said it everyone was OUTRAGED and violently let it be known.  So anyway, this whole segment was solid gold comedy.  Teddy said in less than three weeks, five Smackdown superstars would face five Raw superstars at Survivor Series.  Big Dave, Teddy noted, as Champion was already on the team.  Big Dave, it should be noted, did not look comfortable and stayed very still, but this could have all been my imagination.  So tonight, Teddy said, he was going to book a series of matches tonight where the winners would get a slot on the Survivor Series team.
695
696  Rey vs. Randy Orton in a Survivor Series qualifying match.  They had their usual pretty good match.  Rey hit a big tornillo dive to the outside and wiped him out.  You could tell they were going a long time because Rey beat on him forever early.  Rey finally took the post and Randy went to work.  It’s always funny when someone picks Rey up and tosses him into the ring like he weighs 150 pounds or something.  Actually, he probably does.  Dudes must love working Rey, because he gets so much sympathy that the heat is the easiest thing in the world.  Rey made a big comeback, took out Bob on the apron, and hit the 619.  He was about to go for the springboard when Cowbob Bob grabbed his foot and pulled him off HARD to the ground for the DQ.  Bad guys doubled on him until Matt Hardy ran down to make the save.  Crowd was going insane for him, and I’m told this was not crowd sweetening.
697
698MNM came out.  Melina came out and was unable to slide into the ring, you know, because Eddy frog-splashed her in the back last week.  Hey, I’m just happy she’s walking.  She cut a promo said she should be home recuperating.  Yes, she should, actually.  But that’s not how MNM ROLLS~!  She was outraged that the people were booing her.  Somehow, this segued into a rant about Tyra Banks and America’s Next Top Model.  She called out Michelle Titan, a supposed contestant on the show.  Out came a girl that appeared to be nine feet tall and 66 pounds.  Melina buried her.  This woman made every other girl on Smackdown, including Torrie Wilson, looked like Faye Dunaway in comparison.  The girl slapped her, so the bad guys went to work.  Mexicools made the save.  Good to see they’re fans of the model show.  So after they ran off the bad guys, they pulled the young white lass into the ring and danced and bebopped with her.  I suspect they had perverse intentions.  Damn Mexicans.
699
700  They plugged Lashley vs. Orlando Jordan next.  Yes, for a spot on the Survivor Series team.  Gee, I wonder who will win here?  Actually, I hope Orlando wins by DQ or something whacky, otherwise they’re going to beat Lashley for the first time in three weeks, which is an awful idea.  Well, Lashley won.  Sadly, he didn’t beat Orlando even close to my expectations.
701
702  Backstage, Edge and Lita’s breasts met with Teddy.  He told him he had nothing against Smackdown and didn’t want this streetfight with Batista.  Teddy, even though his ARCH RIVAL signed the match, said he was all for it.  Edge ranted and raved and bitched.  So Teddy said fine, it was Ok with him if the match didn’t take place as long as it was Ok with Big Dave.  And he told Edge it was HIS job to ask Dave.
703
704  Eddy Guerrero vs. Ken Kennedy in a Survivor Series qualifying match.  This was OK, and Kennedy looked green in spots.  He definitely needs to work on his punches.  Ref took a bump and Eddy went to grab a chair.  Suddenly, though, he saw the ref stirring, so he threw the chair at Kennedy and fell down flat on his back.  For once, the ref not only bought it, but he ruled Eddy the winner via DQ.  Kennedy was outraged.  You’d think the fans would have been outraged to have been screwed out of the match, but instead, they were happy with it.  Kennedy was so mad that as Eddy was gloating he clonked him hard in the head with a steel chair.  Cole chastised him for being a poor loser.  Tazz said there was no reason to hit the guy with a chair.  The morals in pro-wrestling are odd.
705
706  The doctor met with Eddy after commercial and said he might have a concussion.  Big Dave walked in and asked how he was.  Eddy said everything was fine.  The Smackdown team thus far, by the way, was Eddy, Rey, Batista and Lashley.
707
708  Pierrothito vs. Another Midget.  The second midget looked like Zach Gowen having gone through the dryer.  He did have two legs, I should note.  Tony Chimmell called Pierrothito “Pair-o-hee-toe”.  No wonder Ken Kennedy always boots him out.  Palmer Cannon came out to do commentary, and also to read off some bullshit ratings stats.  Mini Zach Gowen was not only the worst midget wrestler I ever saw, he was the worst wrestler I think I ever saw.  Maybe he just had a bad day.  If that’s the case, he had a VERY bad day.  By the way, they aired the whacky cartoon JUNIOR DIVISION graphic before this match.  All that’s missing is a ~! at the end.  They tried midget comedy and failed horribly.  Pierrothito flipped his lid, half in storyline and I’m sure half for real.  He finally won with a super flying elbow.  My God this division sucks.
709
710  So Edge met with Lita backstage and said he was going to go talk to Dave now.  He told her to stay there while he was gone.  He should have added, if I’m not back in 20, call the cops.  Stay here, he said, where it is safe.  So as soon as he left, from behind the couch, like Godzilla rising from the sea, came THE BOOGEYMAN.  I should add that as he rose, the lights simultaneously dimmed, and a red light flooded the room.  “I am the BOOGEYMAN!” he announced.  “And I am COMING TO GET YOU~!”  She screamed and ran off, and then he gently sung a song that went something along the lines of, “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve been through.”  YAY THE BOOGEYMAN.
711
712  Edge met with Big Dave and said he thought the streetfight was a bad idea.  He said they were huge stars, men on the go, and they were too big to get involved with some stupid Raw vs. Smackdown feud.  Batista said unlike Edge at Taboo Tuesday, when he signed for a match he delivered.  The folks paid to see a streetfight, so that’s what they were going to get.
713
714  Mystery Hispanic interviewed Chat and James, THE DICKS~!  They’re debuting next week against LOD 3000.  Tank said they were gonna win, because they were ROCK HARD, and nobody could beat the Dicks.  Then they rubbed each other down with oil.
715
716  “The Dicks are coming!” Tazz proclaimed.  Get ready for literally weeks of this before Vince gives up and they’re on Velocity regularly.
717
718  JBL vs. Chris Benoit for a Survivor Series slot.  A hard-hitting match.  JBL never hits Benoit too hard, even though I’m sure he could, because a) I don’t think there is anyone in wrestling who does not respect Chris Benoit, and b) Chris Benoit would hit him back really, really hard.  Benoit made his big comeback and went up top for the headbutt, but out came Booker T, his hair pulled back like HERB DEAN~! and wearing a PHAT SUIT, and Sharmell, who was wearing a tiara.  Welcome to the best Smackdown ever.  They went to do commentary.  Benoit, distracted, got cut off by JBL.  Booker said Sharmell wasn’t wearing a tiara, she was wearing a CROWN.  Sharmell added that Teddy Long was a SUCKA.  I love these two.  Benoit made a big comeback with the rolling Germans, then hit the flying headbutt, but JBL kicked out.  Vinny thought for sure this was proof they had no faith in him re-signing.  Benoit hit him with an overhead belly-to-belly that caused me, Vince, Booker T and Sharmell to all scream and leap from our seats.  Jesus God that was terrifying.  Thankfully, doom was avoided.  JBL went for the clothesline from hell but Benoit turned it into a crossface.  JBL escaped, but then Benoit put him in the sharpshooter.  People were going crazy.  Booker hit the ring.  Benoit and the ref both went after him, and JBL tapped.  Note the timing here.  Yes, JBL tapped AFTER BENOIT HAD RELEASED THE HOLD.  So anyway, Booker was removed, but then Benoit turned around into the lariat for the pin.  That was a pretty dang good little match right there.
719
720  Big Dave vs. Edge in a streetfight.  Both guys came out, then clips aired on the big screen from the parking lot.  Bischoff was there having a confrontation with Teddy.  They got into a pullapart.  Suddenly, Chris Masters appeared, beat up the security guys and put Teddy in the Masterlock.  A bunch of Smackdown guys ran out to make the save, but the Raw guys bailed.  Teddy told them to GO GO GO!  So they hopped in a car and went.  And with those guys gone, suddenly, back at the arena, out came Kane and Big Show.  They cornered Dave and went to work on him, and nobody else from Smackdown bothered to come out.  Big Dave took a big boot and immediately grabbed his lat.  Well, I guess that’s where the big damage took place.  First man to come out?  Funaki.  He was destroyed.  Next?  Scotty 2 Hotty.  Flattened.  Spanky?  Squashed.  Paul London?  Eradicated.  Bob Holly?  SPEARED by Big Show.  Heidenreich.  Ruined.  Animal?  Toast.  Bad guys then double chokeslammed Dave all the way to the emergency room.  That was sad to see.  A pretty darn good little Smackdown all things considered.
721
722Ross is War (11/14/05)
723
724        I was so completely unprepared for this show, and all day I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  I cannot even imagine how his close friends were handling things.  This will be a simple recap for historical purposes.
725
726  Vince McMahon opened up the show.  Everyone was on the stage weeping.  Vince said Eddy never cared whether he was booed or cheered, he just wanted to put on the best show possible.  And what he would have wanted, Vince said, was for the show to go on.  They tolled the bell ten times.  Crowd was absolutely silent.  That was heart-wrenching.
727
728  An Eddy video package aired set to Johnny Cash’s “Hurt”.  After it was over, Vince said “VIVA LA RAZA!”, then the crowd chanted “THANK YOU EDDY!”  Everyone filed backstage.
729
730  They had one of Eddy’s lowriders set up on the ramp.
731
732  Cena’s tribute was first.  He said Eddy was a great man and a father figure.  “We love you Eddy,” he concluded.
733
734  Clips aired of Big Show spraying Big Show with sewage.
735
736  Show & Kane vs. MNM.  Show came out crying about Eddy and laughing about the sewage footage.  Poor Joey Styles was already losing it in the booth.  Show made a comeback and Melina tried to interfere, so Show kissed her.  Show and Kane then pinned MNM after a double chokeslam.
737
738  Lillian said she bonded immediately with Eddy because they were both Hispanic.  She talked about memories she had of the two of them hanging out during the Smackdown tour of Iraq last year.  She concluded with something in Spanish, adding “Adios!”  I don’t think Lillian ever looked more beautiful.
739
740  Angle vs. Shelton Benjamin.  Angle was wearing a black Eddy armband.  Shelton hit a flying clothesline off the top but got cut off and German’d.  Angle hit the Angle slam, but Shelton kicked out.  Angle went up top for a moonsault but got cut off, then Shelton gave him a super German suplex.  Angle flipped all the way over and it was absolutely terrifying.  Angle got the submission with the ankle lock.  Angle held up the Guerrero armband afterwards.
741
742  Shawn was next and said he and Eddy were both born-again Christians, and while they hadn’t wrestled yet, someday they would on the grandest stage of all, and it wasn’t WrestleMania.  “God bless you and I will see you again, my friend”.
743
744  Tons of clips aired from the LIE CHEAT STEAL era.
745
746  Chavo was up next.  He talked about the first match they had when he was four and Eddy was about seven.  He said their goal was always to win the Tag Titles together, and they finally did, and he’d never have another partner like him again.
747
748  Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Misterio.  Apparently, these guys have wanted to have a match together forever.  Shawn, like a lot of guys this evening, was wearing an “I’m Your Papi!” t-shirt and accompanying armband.  Both guys shook hands before the match.  Shawn hit the flying elbow and set up for the superkick.  Rey turned it into a huracanrana, hit the 619, and followed it up with a springboard legdrop for the clean pin.  “HE GOT HIM!” screamed Joey.  My plan was to keep editorial comments to a bare minimum in this review, but I do have to say, I give these two men permission to feud forever.  “I love these men,” Vinny added.  Rey helped him up and they shook hands and hugged afterwards.
749
750  Big Dave was next.  He said he got the call and it just didn’t seem real.  He said he had a lot of pressure as Champion, and Eddy was always there to read a passage to him from the Bible to try to keep his head on straight.  He said Eddy was so funny and so easy to work with.  He said Eddy was always in so much pain, but whenever he walked through the curtain all the pain was gone and he was incredible.
751
752  The Eddy video from the beginning played again.
753
754  Melina won a Diva Battle Royal.  Melina, Victoria, Ashley, Maria, Jillian, Mickie James, Christie, Candice and Trish competed.  Well, sorta.  Every girl fought except Maria, who just stood there trying to HIDE IN THE CORNER.  It was like she thought that if she closed her eyes, no one could see her.  It came down to Maria, Trish, Melina and Victoria.  Maria kicked Victoria in the ass and Victoria was propelled outside.  Maria was so happy she got cocky, and unfortunately, Melina and Trish immediately tossed her.  Everyone booed.  So then Melina won.
755
756  Rey was next.  He sent a message to Eddy in both English and Spanish, then put his head down, removed his mask, and wept.
757
758  Clips aired of Benoit and Eddy’s celebration at WrestleMania.
759
760  Simon Dean vs. Eugene.  Lots of comedy spots.  Dean’s rubber band dealy was in the corner.  Eugene went to German him or something and Dean refused to let go of the bands.  So Eugene pulled him all the way back to the middle of the ring, then let go.  Dean was yanked by the band violently into the buckle, then he stumbled back into a uranage.
761
762  Benoit was next.  He said they traveled down the road together forever, and never left without saying “I love you” to each other.  He sent his condolences out to Eddy’s family.  “And Eddy, I know that you’re in a better place, and I know that you’re looking down on me right.  I want you to know that I love you and I miss you.”  And then he broke down.  He said Eddy made such a great impression on his life, and he wanted to thank him for everything he gave him.  He said he wanted to thank him from the bottom of his heart and would never forget him.  “I love you Eddy”.  This one broke me.
763
764  Clips aired of Eddy beating Brock for the title at No Way Out.
765
766  Hunter said Eddy was an amazing guy.  He said from a professional standpoint, he would always remember Eddy as being one of the best.  He said personally, Eddy would always be an inspiration to him.  He said Eddy had a lot of demons and a lot of issues, and he overcame all that and succeeded where many others would have failed.  “I’m going to miss you, Ed”.  He said he wanted Eddy’s wife and children to know that they were all Eddy ever talked about.
767
768  Ric Flair vs. William Regal.  Regal got heat after distracting Flair by undoing his boot laces.  Flair, who was wearing an Eddy armband, still got the win clean with the figure four leglock.
769
770  Steph said she first met Eddy when he came to the McMahon house to talk about whether he should jump from WCW.  She said she was stunned with how humble he was at that first meeting.  She said she had the opportunity to work with him behind the scenes, and he had such a great range of emotion and could steal everyone’s heart.  She said she talked to him Friday and Eddy had told her that he was going to be the World Champion again and he wanted her and Vince and everyone else to know that.  She said when she thought of Eddy, she thought mostly about how much he loved his family.  She said the family was his whole life and his whole world.  “Eddy will always be a champion.  I’ll miss you Eddy.  Everyone will miss you.  We love you!”.
771
772  John Cena vs. Randy Orton.  Cena made a big comeback and ran wild, then went for the FU.  Cowboy Bob hit the ring and broke it up for the DQ.  Cena made his own comeback and tossed Bob outside.  Orton grabbed him from behind and went for the RKO, but Orton shoved him off and hit him with the FU.  Afterwards, he took off his Eddy Guerrero shirt, laid the title on top of it and walked to the back.
773
774  All I have to say is goodbye Eddy.
775
776FRANK A. GOTCH’S FLYING MARE WREFTLING NEWS-LETTER
777
778William Carter, my friend
779
780An editorial by Frank A. Gotch, World’s Champion Wrestler
781
782       
783
784        If I may, allow me to address Mr. William Carter.
785
786        Mr. Carter, I received your correspondence regarding what you feel is your un-just dismissal from your duties here at the Flying Mare. It is my under-standing that you believe you should be re-hired, if for no other reason than your claim that I mis-spell’d a word in my column written one week hence.
787
788        Firstly, God forbid I pen my own columns by hand. My mouth has never once utter’d a typo-graphical error, and the blame for any appearing in my columns should fall up-on the head of my personal scribe, P. Horatio Hancherhoff, and the head of editing at this very publication, whom to this day is still too cowardly to make him-self known.
789
790        Secondly, how dare you speak to me, the pre-eminent Frank A. Gotch, in such a delinquent and perfunctory manner? Are you un-aware of who I am, and my historical importance to the Union in general? I single-handedly created the professional wrestling industry on the Lord’s Earth. With-out me, there would be no Hulk Hogan, no Al Santo, no Ricky Dozan. There would be no Billy Graham, and thus no Jesse Ventura, and thus no Governor of Minnesota. Where would Minnesota be with-out a Governor? They would be part of Canada, that is where. With-out me, there would be no Vince McMahon, and with-out Vince McMahon, there would be no George Bush sitting as President of the United States. And with-out a President, where would this Great Nation be? Again, part of Canada, or worse, part of Mexico. It is because of me that the tiny city of Humboldt, IA became an international business hub; that the sport of wrestling became the national pass-time; that you and count-less others who live in poverty can today enjoy the inexpensive delicacy known as the Frank-furter.
791
792        I should see to it that the constant suffering and angst that you know as every-day life should come to an abrupt and painful end; but in-stead, having been created so in God’s image that grown men still bow be-fore me to this day, I shall display un-expect’d mercy: Will Carter, you are here-by re-hired.
793
794        And you are welcome.
795
796Wrestler sheds inches of wanted fat
797
798TACOMA, WA — Independent professional wrestler Landslide sadly lamented Friday how a recent sickness had caused him to lose several inches of wanted fat. “I’m not much for the whole working-out thing,” Landslide, real name Larry Sullivan said. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that between wrestling and my job at the appliance factory, I just have no time to get in there.” He said due to his inability to put on muscle mass, his size — he’s 6’3 and 330 pounds when healthy — consists mostly of adipose tissue. “If I lose any fat, I lose size, and if I lose size, I lose my gimmick,” bemoaned Sullivan. “I need to start eating again, quick.”
799
800Vince told Spanky cut
801
802STAMFORD, CT — Vince McMahon was surprised Tuesday to learn that Brian Kendrick, aka Spanky, had been released from his WWE contract over a month back. “Where is that little fellow, what’s his name, Spanky at?” Vince asked road agent John Lauranitis prior to the Velocity and Smackdown television tapings. “I want him and Akio in the opener, three minutes, Akio goes over.” Upon being informed that Kendrick had asked for his release way back in January, McMahon asked if there was anyone else who had been released that he’d forgotten about.
803
804wrestling news
805wrestling newsHOME   |   AUDIO ARCHIVE   |   NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE    |   SUBSCRIBE    |   THE BOARD   |    ABOUT US  |   CONTACT
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824November 2005
825F4W~!#545 - It's been real - December 5, 2005
8262005-11-30
827F4W~!#545 - It's been real - December 5, 2005
828
829F4W~!#544 - WWE to institute drug testing - November 28, 2005
8302005-11-22
831F4W~!#544 - WWE to institute drug testing - November 28, 2005
832
833F4W~!#543 - EDDY GUERRERO: 1967-2005 - November 21, 2005
8342005-11-16
835F4W~!#543 - EDDY GUERRERO: 1967-2005 - November 21, 2005
836
837F4W~!#542 - Is this week a turning point? - November 14, 2005
8382005-11-08
839F4W~!#542 - Is this week a turning point? - November 14, 2005
840
841F4W~!#541 - Austin, Christian, Vince's mind gone - November 7, 2005
8422005-11-02
843F4W~!#541 - Austin, Christian, Vince's mind gone - November 7, 2005
844
845
846~~~~~
847
848August 26, 2019 Observer Newsletter: Birth of the Wednesday Night War, more
8492019-08-22
850Details on NXT and AEW competing on Wednesday nights, plus tons of news.
851
852~~~
853
854F4W~!#627 - BENOIT KILLS FAMILY, SELF - July 2, 2007
8552007-06-27
856F4W~!#626 - TNA celebrates five years - June 25, 2007
8572007-06-19
858F4W~!#625 - VINCE MCMAHON BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS - June 18, 2007
8592007-06-13
860F4W~!#624- On the Road to DYNAMITE!! - June 11, 2007
8612007-06-05
862
863
864~~~~
865
866F4W~!#631 - Everyone in world on drugs - July 30, 2007
8672007-07-25
868F4W~!#630: Benoit T/E ratio 59:1 - July 23, 2007
8692007-07-18
870F4W~!#629: UFC 73 not so stacked - July 16, 2007
8712007-07-11
872F4W~!#628 - Benoit fallout: Doctor busted - July 9, 2007
873
874
8752007-07-04