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1Is my mom okay,
2I miss worms i haven’t seen one for ages, what happened to all our worms, just saying,
3But she has a valid point, i can’t remember the last time i’ve seen a worm,
4 
5Coughing in public is the new speaking arabic at airports,
6Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave,
7 
8My lady was saving $5000 to buy a new car, little did she know, for every dollar she set aside, i took it to guitar center for studio equipment,
9Mixtape coming soon, take care of yourselves kings,
10 
11Please has anyone figured out what we should be doing while people are singing happy birthday to us,
12 
13I hope the girl who used to hiss at people in middle school is doing well,
14 
15I love using a measuring cup for only water, it’s like, you’re still clean bud, you get to skip the wash, go right back to the cabinet,
16 
17This is peak meme, so simple, so deep, so powerful, the avant garde of memes,
18Romeo, juliet,
19 
20He looks like he criticises the taste of breast milk,
21Gordon ramsay’s son is so cute, but he already looks prepared to call folks idiot sandwiches,
22 
23Breaks all my teeth eating a nature valley granola bar, well at least its super dry and doesn’t taste very good,
24 
25Big green metal box full of extremely dangerous electrical equipment, exists,
26Every kid ever, i must sit on you,
27 
288 year old, if i can guess what our basketball game score will be before the game starts how much money will you give me,
29Me, the exact score, $5,
308 year old, it’ll be 0 to 0 because i said the score before it started,
31Me,
32Eight year old, hand it over,
33 
34You’re going to confession and the priest keeps saying cringe under his breath while you’re mid sentence,
35 
36Amidst a global health crisis, porn finds a way,
37Coronavirus porn is going viral on pornhub,
38Oh frick yeah spread it,
39 
40I just fell down an entire flight of stairs and a guy at the bottom goes, oh crap be careful, as if i didn’t already fall all the way down,
41 
42Movie theater employees hate this simple life hack,
43 
44I’ve never related more to a fictional character more than i do with donkey from shrek,
45Talks too much, sings during sentences for no reason, a little annoying, but for some reason you still let them hang around,
46 
47When your telling your grandparents about your job and they have no clue what your talking about but they’re supportive,
48 
49The best highlight of student teaching at elementary so far, recess duty,
50Today, some 4th graders challenged me to a race and i beat them all, they scheduled a match for me to race the fastest 4th grader, 
51I am terrified,
52 
53I will never get over the fact that this was the first youtube app icon,
54 
55My cousin lost his arm in a motorcycle accident, so he’s the part in the movie where woody’s arm starts to rip,
56 
57Me, get in, we’re going vampire hunting,
58Friend, ugh i can’t i was up all night, sorry i suck,
59Me, narrowing eyes, you what,
60 
61Me after hearing someone cough on my $8 round trip flight to italy,
62 
63Me talking about my problems in therapy,
6445 seconds,
65Me talking about our lord and savior waluigi,
6687 minutes 37 seconds,
67That’s why people in the 70’s were so skinny, all they did was coke and dance to 17 minute songs,
68 
69Just remembered i have great taste in all things, picture unrelated,
70 
71My neighbor has this manatee mailbox he dresses up throughout the year and i’m kind of obsessed with it,
72 
73She looks so sweet but today a woman asked her what her name was and she replied buttcrack so,
74 
75This is what kevin has me for my contact,
76Baby gorl,
77 
78Me,
79White woman's kitchen,
80Hello, love and family, yum, coffee, john 3:16,
81 
82I saw a post on facebook that said, i’m so scared of bugs a mother fricker could rob me with a centipede, and i’ve never related to something more in my life,
83 
84My mom said that back in the 70’s or something they would stop running tv shows at like 2 a m and they should just show the american flag and for some reason that’s terrifying,
85 
86Actually running over curbs is good for your car,
87 
88Due to the coronavirus outbreak, we are declaring a state of emergency, we will be closed until further notice, in the interim, we are offering a delivery service where a guy in a hazmat suit comes to your house, explains splash mountain to you and then sprays you with a hose,
89 
90Professors holding classes online,
91Should i go live,
9247% yes,
9353% no,
94 
95My hands look like this so hers can look like that,
96 
97Someday everyone will be able to immediately pick out all the millennial gravestones because everyone else’s will be like, loving husband, wings of angels, and ours will be like, 
98Thank frick, 
99A very good boy,
1001995-2064, nice,
101She died doing what she loved, being murdered,
102 
103If a spider was nervous would he stand like,
104Or,
105 
106Oh sweet, i was wondering how every corporation i’ve ever given my email to was handling covid-19,
107 
108Are your kids texting about coronavirus,
109Brb, breathing really bad,
110Smh, sanitize my hands,
111Ttyl, think that you’ll live,
112Rofl, running out of fluids, lame,
113Nvm, need virus meds,
114 
115Coronavirus pandemic diary,
116Day 3, i’ve not had sex in 6 months,
117 
118Day 2 without sports,
119Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday, apparently she’s my wife, she seems nice,
120 
121How disneyland should’ve handled things,
122 
123I mean when is it not,
124Trending in florida,
125Meth,
126 
127First the coronavirus, and now this,
128Jesus christ,
129 
130This made me laugh,
131This is fine,
132 
133I dare you to hang u-,
134me,
135 
136Date, everything okay,
137Me, yeah, sorry, i was just thinking about the death of my wife,
138Date, oh my gosh, i’m sorry, when was it,
139Me, tonight if you play your cards right,
140 
141Lightning’s,
142White person, sets stopwatch,
143Thunders,
144White person, stops stopwatch, oh yeah baby, this things close,
145 
146Asked my uber driver how long he’s been uber driving and he said, i never started, and then i laughed and then he didn’t laugh and then we rode in silence for 10 minutes and then i sneezed and he said, what was that sound you just made and i said a sneeze, and he said okay, 5 stars,
147 
148Photographer, okay, you two hold hands and you, in the back, hold a gun to that guy’s head, nice, i’ll add blush in post,
149 
150Banana, i’m not ripe yet,
151Banana, i’m not ripe yet,
152Banana, i’m not ripe yet,
153Banana, whispering at 3 a m in the morning, i’m ripe,
154Banana at 8 a m, that morning, hahaha i’m rotten booooyy, welcome to brown town,
155 
156Server, hi, my name is,
157Me, closing my menu,
158Chicken strips,
159 
160I hate hearing michael buble’s version of santa baby where he says santa buddy,
161What he thinks he’s too good to suck santa’s dong like the rest of us,
162 
163My brain, jfc means jesus fricking christ,
164Me, jentucky fried chicken,
165 
166Ladies, if he,
167Only responds after you double text,
168Doesn’t care about your snap streak,
169Refuses to shave,
170Is a staunch abolitionist,
171Returns to ohio after serving only one term,
172He’s not your man, he’s 19th president rutherford b hayes,
173 
174Me, 
175Girl with blonde hair,
176 
177The moonpie should contain more fiber in my opinion,
178Okay baby,
179 
180When you hit your toe on a coral reef,
181Caption this,
182 
183Sales associate, what’s your email,
184Me, uhh,
185Blonde slut 4 ever at gmail.com,
186Sales associate, what was that,
187Blonde slut 4 ever at gmail.com,
188Sales associate, one more time,
189Me,
190Blonde slut 4 ever at gmail.com,
191 
192Me, how bad is it doc,
193Doctor, she’s developed a severe case of decorative house speech disorder,
194My mom, life is what happens between coffee and wine,
195Doctor, i’m so sorry,
196My mom, bless the food before us, the family beside us, and the love between us,
197 
198Random civilian, help me please,
199Batman, how long does it take to fall in love, depends on how fast you jump,
200Noah centineo just had a fitting at warner bros,
201And people think its for the batman,
202 
203Me, forgets to wash one spoon,
204My mom,
205When i die then you will realize,
206 
207Me getting drunk as frick while attending online classes,
208Interesting,
209 
210It wasn’t no corona til y’all started balancing brooms in the house, y’all let the devil in,
211 
212I don’t know who omar is but take care of your kids,
213Omar be a father,
214I didn’t have two kids to do it alone, be a man omar,
215 
216Due to the coronavirus outbreak, mickey is wearing a hazmat suit and holding a gun,
217He is also wearing an additional pair of gloves,
218 
219Please tell me your embarassing sex stories so i feel better, i just thought about the time a few years ago when a guy went down on me and we made eye contact and i waved for some reason,
220One time i tapped the tip like it was a microphone, said is this thing on, 
221Like mike wazowski in monsters inc, and then as i explained the reference he went flaccid,
222 
223Gonna become a soccer guy, tweeting absolute fricking disgrace, at like 7 a m before any north american should reasonably be reacting to anything,
224 
225Yesterday’s high was 37, its low was me texting my ex what you doing at 1 a m and her responding, right now, wiping cum off my chest,
226 
227By far the worst job i’ve ever fricking had,
228 
229Chet, i’m not trippin, tom hanks,
230 
231I already ate all my quarantine snacks,
232 
233These online classes are tough,
234 
235No one,
236Absolutely no one,
237Honestly, truly, positively no human being,
238An email from a restaurant you made a reservation at in 2017 and haven’t thought about since, we love all of our loyal guests and want them to be safe, we are monitoring the coronavirus and will upda-,
239 
240This is hard as frick,
241A photo of chinese medical workers and law enforcement officers riding horses to remote places in the altai mountains for coronavirus prevention efforts,
242 
243I have tested positive for being a cutie patootie,
244 
245Finding alternatives during the toilet paper shortage,
246 
247Visionaries,
248Truly ahead of their time,
249 
250Nhl, hockey is postponed indefinitely,
2512 hours later,
252Canada, we have a cure,
253Canada’s first covid-19 vaccine made in saskatchewan is now testing stages,
254 
255This has genuinely fricked me up i keep laughing,
256I’m a people person,
257I’m a geese goose,
258 
259A baby, pulling my hand,
260Me, where are we going,
261Baby, gibberish mixed with stomping and screaming,
262Me,
263You son of a beach, i’m in,
264 
265No one want dasani,
266 
267You’re telling me my professor who can’t stop the youtube autoplayer from playing the next video is going to teach classes online, this should be good,
268 
269I’ll have a corona, hold the virus,
270A dad on vacation somewhere in florida right now,
271 
272Coronavirus severely underestimates how long i can sit inside my house living off of nothing but caffeine and shredded cheese,
273 
274Wife, can you pass me the salt,
275Me, huh,
276Wife, i need the salt,
277Me, the what,
278Wife, sighing, the ocean cocaine,
279 
280The office, coronavirus,
281Michael ignores the work from home memo because he thinks that everyone should be together at a time like this,
282Dwight acts completely normal and claims genetic immunity,
283Angela wears a hazmat suit,
284Kevin says that he’s had it for weeks and feels fine,
285 
286Me when i hype up a new bae to my friends and he plays me,
287Da faq am i supposed to do wif dis weddin dress now,
288 
289I cannot believe this just happened,
290Hey sarah, my name is staff sergeant scott hintz, and i’m an army recruiter in athens, ohio,
291I just wanted to reach out to you and see if you have interest in joining the army/army reserves,
292I’d rather die,
293Well the army can help with that,
294Lmfao,
295 
296Every day men leave their homes with no bag, no water bottle, no lip balm, no hand sanitizer, no extra layer in case they get cold, just keys and a wallet shoved into their pocket, chaotic and reckless,
297 
298Get pregnant, you’ll find out who your real friends are, i promise you that,
299I just feel like there are steps you can probably take before this one,
300 
301Found a helpful reminder i wrote myself when i was drunk,
302Shut, and i cannot stress this enough, the frick up,
303 
304Check out this meme the 11 year old boy i’m babysitting made,
305Boys during puberty,
306Girls during puberty, 
307Pain changes people,
308 
309Your fiance gets kidnapped in a foreign country, you stay out til 2 a m searching with authorities but eventually you have to call it and return to your hotel, do you still do your skincare routine, yes no,
310 
311Why is climate tryna change, just be yourself bro,
312 
313I wanna eat 5 meals a day, who decided 3,
314The same person who came up with the 2 day weekend, fricking loser,
315 
316Points were made,
317Prisoner who died and was brought back claims his life sentence has technically ended,
318He not wrong,
319 
320Lmao i’m at my school talent show and dude says,
321Before i begin, i want to make sure this mic is working,
322If your name is michael, please stand up,
323Then a couple dudes stand up,
324And he goes,
325That concludes the mike check,
326 
327Why all the hot girls from the same country, like where even is,
328 
329My sister facetimed me this morning and i answered hungover and obviously not looking the best and all she did was start laughing really hard at my face and then goes, ugh thank you i needed that, then just hung up,