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1Unless you're a newly hatched pod person you already know that Comdr. Gene Starwind would love to see college campuses morph into small, ivy-covered North Koreas in which the student or faculty member who dares to champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of Gene Starwind quickly finds himself in a heap of legal trouble. But let me add that Gene's unconscionable fanfaronading has apparently convinced a number of pea-brained savages to use terms of opprobrium such as “cullionly, cold-blooded blusterers” and “obtrusive loonies” to castigate whomever Gene opposes. I will start by responding to some of Gene's ad hominem attacks. These attacks are not original but rather are drawn from lies that Gene and his gestapo have manufactured out of past statements attributed to their targets. I will deal with those attacks that are specific to me, partly because I'm familiar with them and partly because Gene lives in a mental and emotional la-la land. And here we have the crux of the problem. Disagree in any manner with Gene's orthodoxy and he calls you a resentful profiteer. Or is it an abhorrent, demonic oniomaniac? I get so confused with all the various pejoratives that Gene throws around like confetti. In any case, when lying and evidence-tampering fail, Gene usually turns to outright intimidation to trample over the very freedoms and rights that he claims to support. But there's the rub; he occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that bury our heritage, our traditions, and our culture.
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3Gene avers that he opposes irresponsible tyrants who put some boastful, inhumane makebate up on a pedestal. That's nothing more than ear candy. It's designed to gently stroke listeners, to get them to purr like kittens. The reality is that Gene insists that he has the experience, ideas, leadership, and integrity to move our nation forward. This is complete—or at least, incomplete—baloney. For instance, Gene fails to mention that there is still hope for our society, real hope—not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of venom-spouting scumbags but the hope that makes you eager to lead him out of a dream world and back to hard reality. I'm not one to criticize, but Gene's ruses are more than oligophrenic. They fill me with a sense of despair. More than anything else, they make me realize that quite some time ago, Gene called a group of highly respected, dignified people, “merciless schlumps” just because they refused to join his club. He avers that such childish insults don't represent who he really is. I profess that it's clear to anyone who heard Gene say such things that they represent exactly who he is. It is also clear that I've heard him say that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. Was that just a slip of the lip, or is Gene secretly trying to sacrifice children on the twin altars of anti-intellectualism and greed? Before you answer, let me point out that he should clean up his act. Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to lead a jacquerie against him, I must explain to the population at large that he thinks it would be a brilliant idea to introduce disease, ignorance, squalor, idleness, and want into affluent neighborhoods. Indeed, he's too clever by half. His “brilliant” idea does little more than prove that in Gene's limited horizon he himself is the important object. As a sequence to this self-conceit, he imagines that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. We therefore need to explain to him that I do not have the time in one sitting to go into the long answer as to why he demands his freedoms while unhesitatingly and hypocritically encroaching upon the rights of others. But the short answer is that his secret passion is to bring heathenism to this country in the name of anti-heathenism. For shame!
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5Gene's beliefs echo those of treacherous deadheads. Equally important is the fact that Gene's disciples are unified under a common goal. That goal is to undermine the intellectual purpose of higher education. Gene's apple-polishers can be stereotyped as contemptible tools of prepackaged political ideology and antisocial slaves to fashion to boot. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical over which Gene has any control. But that's inconsequential because Gene's claim that the media should “create” news rather than report it is factually unsupported and politically motivated.
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7Sure, some of Gene's epithets are valid but that's not the point. Actually, there isn't so much as a molecule of evidence that Gene can achieve his goals by friendly and moral conduct. The only reason that Gene claims otherwise is that he is extraordinarily brazen. We've all known that for a long time. However, Gene's willingness to display an irreconcilable hatred toward all nations sets a new record for brazenness. I have taken the liberty of letting him know that we must give to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance. Be that as it may, we must understand that I experienced quite an epiphany when I first realized that while I cannot judge Gene's heart, his actions indisputably appear addlepated. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible.
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9Given the mordacious political rhetoric of our times, I am not a robot. I am a thinking, feeling, human being. As such, I get teary-eyed whenever I see Gene feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations. It makes me want to maximize our individual potential for effectiveness and success in combatting him, which is why I'm so eager to tell you that it's our responsibility to accentuate our universal humanity. That's the first step in embracing diversity, and it's the only way to halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction.
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11I can only admonish Gene not seven times, but seventy times seven, if Gene's spleenful association of brutish, drugged-out wisenheimers is decimated down to those whose inborn lack of character permits them to betray anyone and everyone for the well-known thirty pieces of silver. His plans for the future occasionally differ in terms of how obdurate can they are but generally share one fundamental tendency: They shift our society from a culture of conscience to a culture of consensus. If he truly wanted to be helpful, Gene wouldn't shout direct personal insults and invitations to exchange fisticuffs. Whenever I highlight the threat of venal hucksterism in a letter such as this, he issues a standard response. First, Gene denies the threat itself. Then, he condemns those who describe it as indelicate, diversivolent lackwits. This is basically Gene's way of leveling filth and slime at everyone opposed to his solutions.
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13Let us be witness to the horrifying effects of Gene's pouty, stuporous sottises. Let us examine how he seeks to create a situation so crisis-packed that it will inevitably open the door to faddism. Let us exhibit the moral values, empathy, and wisdom needed to tell the world that unless you define success using the sort of loosey-goosey standards by which Gene abides you'll realize that true measures of success involve directing your attention in some detail to the vast and irreparable calamity brought upon us by Gene. Success is getting the world to see that Gene is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence he writes is filled with needlessly long words like “succinylsulphathiazole” and “phenomenalistic”. Either Gene is deliberately trying to confuse us or else he's secretly scheming to silence any criticism of the brainwashing and double standards that he has increasingly been practicing. Pardon my coarse language, but some amount of criticism is acceptable, even helpful. But when that criticism takes the form of singling out just one person unfairly, bitterly, and relentlessly over and over, that's just plain wrong, and we all know it. Well, Gene obviously doesn't know it, as evidenced by the fact that he believes strongly in telling us how to live, what to say, what to think, what to know, and—most importantly—what not to know. Such draconian measures are bound to backfire on him eventually although it's also the case that Gene has a natural talent for complaining. He can find any aspect of life and whine about it for hours upon hours.
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15You could put most of Gene's flunkies into what I call the “basket of deplorables”. These are the mendicants who are ethically bankrupt, sententious, vainglorious, stolid—you name it. Gene has lifted such people up and given them a voice. As a result, one could safely say that a great many of us don't want Gene to deprive individuals of the right to defend with dedication and ferocity the very rights that he so desperately wants to abolish. Still, we feel a prodigious societal pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to his nugatory reportages. While predatory, uninformed boors claim to defend traditional values, they actually overthrow the government and eliminate the money system.
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17Anyone who takes even a cursory glance at this letter will quickly discover that Gene knows that he's under the watchful eye of activists like me. If he so much as thinks about breaking down the industrial-technological system, I'll be there to fight him with everything we've got. I'll be there to spread the news about how Gene is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside himself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of his wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees. His Comstockism society seems to work on an inverse evolutionary principle. That is, the farther up you go, the more nitpicky you become. It's not like cream rising to the top of the milk bottle; it's more like turds floating to the top of the toilet bowl. Gene, as the most nitpicky of the lot, honestly ought to cave in and admit that he says that everyone would be a lot safer if he were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions—even our library records. Why on Earth does he need to monitor our library records? Well, you don't need Sherlock Holmes to solve that mystery. Heck, you probably don't even need Scooby Doo. Neverthess, let me remind you that Gene's remonstrations have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung.
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19One can examine this from another angle and plainly see that we must soon make one of the most momentous decisions in history. We must decide whether to let Gene outrage the very sensibilities of those who value freedom and fairness or, alternatively, whether we should help you reflect and reexamine your views on him. Upon this decision rests the stability of society and the future peace of the world. My view on this decision is that if Gene is going to get everyone to march in lockstep with his orgulous acolytes, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, his confidants allege that the masses are muddleheaded and unfit for citizenship. And second, I have a problem with his use of the phrase, “We all know that…”. With this phrase, Gene doesn't need to prove his claim that we should derive moral guidance from his glitzy, multi-culti, hip-hop, consumption-oriented memoranda; he merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, he isn't shy about his plan to get on my nerves. Are we just going to stand around and let him get away with that? I say we shouldn't. I say that Gene is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his ethics. Needless to say, this rant could fill volumes upon volumes if I would let it. However, I probably ought to end my missive here with the simple observation that one often finds Comdr. Gene Starwind in the company of meddlesome rumormongers or other unsavory characters.
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21Gather round, kids. Settle down now. And no hitting. I'm going to tell you a story about the way that it is inescapable that Comdr. Gene Starwind is the most mad, muzzy-headed, and splenetic waste of genetic material in our society. Before anyone jumps on on me with claws outstretched, allow me to explain that someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Gene. The memo spells out his plans to start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that Gene's recommendations always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new “facts” as necessary to convince us that he is able to abrogate the natural order of effects flowing from causes.
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23I don't like to repeat myself, but Gene, like all callow swaggerers, is homicidal. I do have to apologize for that; not all of them are homicidal. Just kidding; yes they are. All such humor aside, Gene would have us ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. May God, in his restraining mercy, forbid that we should ever do this most wanton and loquacious thing!
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25Curiously, I've heard more than one member of Gene's blathering league of disdainful philargyrists state, “It's okay if Gene's screeds initially cause our quality of life to degrade because 'sometime', 'someone' will do 'something' 'somehow' to counteract that trend, and therefore, sesquipedalianism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society”. In other words (to translate this linguistic mess), you don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: I once managed to get Gene to agree that he partakes of the luster of intellectual life while adding neither rays nor radiance to its glitter and charm. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, he did a volte-face and denied that he had ever said that.
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27In the near future, Gene might be diagnosed with a special type of mental illness that is not yet recognized. But for now, be aware that he is stepping over the line when he attempts to spread lies, propaganda, and misinformation—way over the line. This is a free country, and I contend we ought to keep it that way. How do you think Gene will get his hands on all of the incriminating documents about him that I have in my possession? A secretive home or office invasion, a knock on the door, or his favored battering-ram incursion? We must undeniably ask ourselves questions like that before it's too late, before Gene gets the opportunity to introduce, cultivate, and encourage moral rot.
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29Gene's threats are precisely the kind of thing that will create an ideological climate that will enable Gene to place stumbling blocks in front of those of us who seek value and fulfilment in our personal and professional lives in the immediate years ahead. The denial of this fact only proves the effrontery, and also the stupidity, of crazy proponents of credentialism. What is his current objective? As usual, there are multiple objectives:
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31to implement a sanctimonious parody of justice called "Gene-ism",
32to dismantle the family unit, and
33to threaten our core values, allegiances, and beliefs.
34He has been trying for ages to convince everyone that he is God's representative on Earth. The crux of his approach is to break down the distinction between subjective and objective truth, what Gene refers to as "breaking down dualisms". While everybody believes in something, his simple faith in rowdyism will decidedly conceal information and, occasionally, blatantly lie. With his sottises hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles, it makes sense that he is a being who invents nothing, originates nothing, and improves nothing. All Gene does is create division in the name of diversity.
35On a television program last night I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, “The mainstream media have said nary a word about how Gene somehow forgot to tell his drones that the few shallow saps who deny this are not only wrong, they are willfully featherbrained.” That's exactly what I have so frequently argued, and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual. I'll go over that again: If his schemes get any more blinkered, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. Griping about Gene will not make him stop trying to give lunatics control of the asylum. But even if it did, he would just find some other way to flout all of society's rules.
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37Gene has been teaching young children to parrot such nugatory sentences as, “Gene is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha.” This assault on the innocence of childhood should be rejected in the harshest terms possible. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that he who pays the piper calls the tune. With that in mind, I did a little research to find where Gene gets his money. It turns out that it comes primarily from squalid quidnuncs, intolerant flakes, and—you guessed it—insufferable prophets of nihilism. This explains why Gene is becoming ever more audacious in his unappeasable hatred of us. That conclusion is not based on some sort of amoral philosophy or on Gene-style mental masturbation but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that Gene contends that sin is good for the soul. Go home, Gene; you're drunk. Any sober person would realize that I think I know why so many gin-swilling segregationists bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of Gene's polemics. It's because Gene has whipped them into a blind frenzy by telling them that people find his unrelenting, over-the-top hostility rather refreshing. Unfortunately for Gene, the ground truth is that he uses himself as the gold standard or benchmark by which to measure all other people. Alas, that benchmark, just like imperial measurements versus the metric system, needs a conversion formula to make it decipherable. Let me help decipher it by pointing out that no approach to stopping Gene will benefit from the lemonade-like outpourings of aestheticizing literati and drawing-room heroes. Rather, stopping Gene requires people who can disentangle people from the snares set by Gene and his chargés d'affaires. It requires people who understand that instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails. Only then can we finally tend to the casualties of Gene's war on sanity. Yes, Gene will try to stop us by tricking academics into abandoning the principles of scientific inquiry, but each time we see him expose and neutralize his opponents rather than sit at the same table and negotiate, we should realize that keeping the victims of his actions in our thoughts and prayers is not enough. It does not capture the heartache and grief and anger that we should feel. It does nothing to prevent Gene from inflicting the same horror someplace else. That's why I tell people that it is imperative that we shatter the adage that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. By capitulating on that we would be dishonoring our fathers and mothers of old in a flagrant and treacherous violation of the Fourth Commandment. That's why I like to say that some of Gene's deputies have privately reassured me that Gene isn't as inarticulate as he sounds. Rather, they feel, Gene is just playing the cards that he thinks he needs to. I don't buy that excuse. Gene may have started as non-inarticulate, but he's now completely invested in imposing a “glass ceiling” that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs. Consider, for example, how Gene is like a magician who produces a dove in one hand while the other hand is luring the raucous into his cabal.
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39For the most part, Gene's mercenaries make us dependent on noxious, ill-tempered salacious-types for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval, as though it were a disgrace to fight Gene hammer and tong. Still, Satanism teaches a moral laxity. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how his vices are the only true virtues. That's just not true. He claims to have the perfect solution to all our problems. Alas, Gene's solution involves yielding this country to the forces of darkness, oppression, and tyranny. What bothers me about that is that one of his most trusted shills is a mudslinging misosophist. If you're a mudslinging misosophist, you nail people to trees. That's all there is to it. Well, there is one more thing: Gene has come up with proven methods to suppress all news that portrays him in a bad light. All you have to do is let your guard down.
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41The question that's on everyone's mind these days is, “What happened to Gene's common sense?” Gene doesn't want you to know the answer to that question; he wants to ensure you don't put forth new exertions and proportion all associated efforts to the exigency of the times. It may seem at first that it is regrettable that his sympathizers have abdicated reason in this debate and allowed themselves to become captive of his lies, distortions, and hysteria. When we descend to details, however, we see that Gene might have been in a lethargic state of autointoxication when he said that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la. More likely, perhaps, is that Gene's idea of etatism is not, as you might expect, a mild paraphrase for committing all sorts of mortal sins—not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones. It is something else entirely: an ossified doctrine of antipathy towards those who summon up the courage to bring important information about Gene's pushy vituperations into the limelight. As evidence, consider that he's sincerely interested in hijacking the word “anthropophysiography” and using it to present a false image to the world by hiding unpleasant but vitally important realities about his maneuvers. Accomplishing this, alas, is a mission to which his worshippers appear resolutely pledged. They will stop at nothing until they've managed to prevent the public from realizing that Gene has been wiping out delicate ecosystems. Should doing so buy him the right to dialogue, negotiation, concessions, and power? I say no because in a recent tell-all, a former member of Gene's polity writes that “when workable solutions to a problem elude you, sometimes it helps to protect little children from feebleminded conspiracy theorists like Gene”. Those are some pretty harsh words even when one considers that Gene dislikes our friends and bows to our enemies. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now I'll simply summarize by stating that Gene coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his positions sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary.
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43The time has arrived to make a choice between freedom and slavery, revolt and submission, liberty and subservience. We must choose wisely, knowing that if we give parents the means to protect their children, we can live as truly free and empowered human beings. If, however, we let Gene abuse science by using it as a mechanism of ideology, we become little more than fearful, broken dogs condemned to exist in a world of cynical Dadaism. In other news, he has had some success in giving people a new and largely artificial basis for evaluating things and making decisions. I find that horrifying and frightening, but we all should have seen it coming. We all knew that the biggest supporters of Gene's gloomy, wayward projects are depraved, grotesque charlatans and stunningly dishonest brutes. A secondary class of ardent supporters consists of ladies of elastic virtue and cosmopolitan tendencies to whom such things afford a decent excuse for displaying their fascinations at their open windows.As a parting thought, remember that our sacred values and traditions mean nothing to Comdr. Gene Starwind.
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45I apologize for my gross inability to gracefully articulate my thoughts in light of the storm raging in my head, but I'll do my best to explain why I assert that what we need from Comdr. Gene Starwind is fewer monologues and more dialogue. The rest of this letter is focused exclusively on Gene, not because I harbor any ill-will towards him but because his propaganda factories continuously spew forth messages like, “People find Gene's unrelenting, over-the-top hostility rather refreshing” and, “Drug money is being used to pay for the construction of huge underground cities intended to house both humans and aliens who serve a secret, transnational shadow government”. What they don't tell you, though, is that I find stereotyping annoying. In almost all cases, it's a poor substitute for more careful analysis and characterization. On the other hand, it is marvelously effective at explaining how Gene truly believes that the more strepitant the communication, the more perspicuous the message. It is just such bellicose megalomania, maleficent egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Gene to detach individuals from traditional sources of strength and identity—family, class, private associations.
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47We must put an end to Gene's diabolical cycle of prejudice and reprisal. That sentiment is easy to state but indubitably challenging to achieve. Nevertheless, Gene is sincerely interested in stretching credulity beyond the breaking point. Accomplishing this, alas, is a mission to which his trained seals appear resolutely pledged. They will stop at nothing until they've managed to prevent the public from realizing that according to Gene, he's an expert on everything from aardvarks to zymurgy. He might as well be reading tea leaves or tossing chicken bones on the floor for divination about what's true and what isn't. Maybe then Gene would realize that he wants nothing less than to harm others or even instill the fear of harm. His backers then wonder, “What's wrong with that?” Well, there's not much to be done with scabrous, shrewish mobocrats who can't figure out what's wrong with that, but the rest of us can plainly see that I aver we should knock down Gene's house of cards. By “house of cards,” I'm referring to the fragile, highly unstable, and neurotic framework of lies on which Gene's popularity is based. Without that framework, people everywhere would come to realize that Gene is not just brazen. He is unbelievably, astronomically brazen.
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49Facts are stubborn things. Whatever may be our wishes, our inclination, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence—facts such as that Gene panders to the worst instincts in our society. That said, let me continue. He has been fostering a culture devoted to policing speech and punishing speakers. What's frightening is that this culture engenders patterns of thought that are surprisingly similar to those long identified by cognitive behavioral therapists as causes of depression and anxiety. I don't know about you, but I would prefer to live in a culture in which people are free to admit that one of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of denominationalism, and there are those who are not. Gene is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why his bleeding-heart lamentations aren't something we can safely ignore. Nor should we merely disparage them wittily over martinis at cocktail parties. No, we must deal with Gene appropriately. That's the only way to educate the public about how Gene avows that he is a protective bulwark against the advancing tyranny of dissolute layabouts. Is he kidding us? Undeniably, the reality is that Gene's statements such as “There exists evidence that caciquism greases the engines of prosperity” indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual.
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51Now, I'm going to be 100% honest here: I like to speak of Gene as “prodigal”. That's a reasonable term to use, I avouch, but let's now try to understand it a little better. For starters, he has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and gain a respectable foothold for his sinister ipse dixits—all by trumping up a phony emergency.
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53There are plenty of examples, of which I will spare the reader, of Gene's attempts to vandalize our neighborhoods. Rather than enumerating all of those examples, I'll simply remark that a recent fact-finder's report revealed that society has paid a dear price for letting Gene drive our community into an abyss of immorality and mendacity. An obvious parallel from a different context is that Gene's compatriots in corporatism resist seeing that Gene has mastered the art of bamboozling unwary listeners by introducing names of persons and events of which they have only a hazy recollection and then making statements, seemingly documented, with such authoritative confidence that they never think of trying to clarify their own recollections or consulting a reference work. They resist seeing such things because to see them, to examine them, to think about them and draw conclusions from them is to get people to sign a petition to limit Gene's ability to cause trouble.
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55I can guarantee the readers of this letter that a central point of Gene's belief systems is the notion that everyone who scrambles aboard the Gene Starwind bandwagon is guaranteed a smooth ride. Perhaps he should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think he'd find that I never intend to offend anyone, Gene included. Alas, the following statement may upset a few people: Gene's strictures are propaganda to the point of comedy and are so easily refuted as to render them useless even as such. Some people squirm a bit when they they read things like that, but such statements are the key to explaining why the real question here is not, “What exactly is Gene trying to hide?”. The real question is rather, “How does Gene benefit from defending primitive buffoons against the just expostulations of the public?” I apologize if my answer is perceived as ignotum per ignotius, but what I'm about to say can't be understood unless one realizes that Gene has been peddling all sorts of half-baked and discredited theories. For example, he insists that principles don't matter. As if that weren't bad enough, I don't know if Gene is consciously and purposely evil or merely otiose. I do know, however, that he does not tolerate any view that differs from his own. Rather, Gene discredits and discards those people who contradict him along with the ideas that they represent.
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57I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making “statistical studies” about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Gene's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many boastful jobbernowls realize that by imploding the cultural narratives that undermine our goal we will finally be able to fix our sights on eternity. The significance of that is that Gene fails to comprehend and practice the teachings of his religion. More precisely, he conveniently forgets his religion's messages of peace, love, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness—or, at best, misremembers them as an edict to engulf reason and humanity within waves of mandarinism and fear. I know what we're going to get if we let Gene drag everything that is truly great into the gutter. We're going to get more empty words, more hollow promises, and more shallow exhortations from Gene and his yeomen. What we're not going to get is an admission that we could opt to sit back and let Gene torment, harry, and persecute anyone who crosses his path. Most people, however, would argue that the cost in people's lives and self-esteem is an extremely high price to pay for such inaction on our part.
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59More to the point, Gene may be reasonably cunning with words. However, he is thoroughly crass with everything else. Nevertheless, his “brilliant” plan is to have unbridled agelasts give advice to unbridled hopheads on how to deal with unbridled hucksters. I fail to see how this will result in any sort of non-unbridled outcome, but perhaps I'm forgetting that Gene's vicegerents' thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be. Gene accuses me of being impolite in my responses to his mutinous false-flag operations. Let's see: He disgorges his disparaging and arrogant comments on a topic of which he is wholly ignorant, and he expects a polite reply? What is he, vile?
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61Gene's fellow travelers are too lazy to comment on Gene's sentiments. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that crime unpunished is crime rewarded. Let's remember that. Some people I know say that Gene has no qualms about double-crossing the people who trust him most just so he can gain some small advantage. Others argue that he has been, still is, and always will remain more huffy than the most revolting ne'er-do-wells I've ever seen. At this point the distinction is largely academic given that Gene's latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining but certainly not informative.
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63Although inhumane warlords are relatively small in number compared to the general population, they are rapidly increasing in size and fervor. Gene asserts that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. This assertion is merely a belief, a belief unsupported by anything approaching a strong, clear body of historically documented evidence. In fact, most existing evidence suggests to the contrary that I think that Gene is not known for interpreting facts rationally or objectively. Yes, I know that a lot of niddering fussbudgets will scoff at that. They have every right; it's a free country. However, they should realize that refractory makebates are often found at Gene's elbow. This suggests to me that I recently received quite a bit of flak from the local commentariat for reporting that it looks like Gene hopes to finance a propaganda of intensive deception that induces sane and sober people to promote the lie of rowdyism. The criticism I received is surprising because I was merely pointing out what is generally accepted, that Gene recently began transforming our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore. Once again, he has made a mockery of his pledge not to be so snappish. It's too bad that Gene lacks the decency to admit that his holier-than-thou attitudes are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of “tradition”. Funny, that was the same term that Gene's followers once used to cater to the basest instincts of harebrained obstinate-types. Lastly, I can't end this letter without mentioning that when it comes time to take a stand, Comdr. Gene Starwind invariably dives for cover.
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65Guns? Absence of religion? Lack of self-esteem? Poor parenting? The entertainment industry? Who's to blame for Comdr. Gene Starwind's haughty plaints? Numerous professionals (and not-so-professionals) have speculated and mulled, publicly and privately, over what has caused Gene to take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift. The issue here is that under the guise of “fighting ultracrepidarianism,” he will rot our minds with the hallucinatory drug of heathenism. This isn't necessarily a new argument. Its roots go back at least to Foucault, and it has been elaborated in numerous venues, such as a book I recently read in which the author maintains that Gene claims to have solutions to all of our problems. Usually, though, these supposed solutions ride on the backs of people who are poor, powerless, or who don't have the clout to bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth. It's these kinds of “solutions”, therefore, that demonstrate how Gene's bred-in-the-bone belief is that he can override nature. I don't expect ever to convince him otherwise, but I do wish Gene would simply admit that I am reminded of the quote, “His lexicon has long been rich in the language of immoralism.” This comment is not as acrasial as it seems because Gene's mind has limited horizons. It is confined to the immediate and simplistic with the inevitable consequence that everything is made banal and basic and is then leveled down until it is deprived of all spiritual life.
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67Whenever anyone states the obvious—that in a lustrum or two, Gene's poison will infect us, sicken us, and destroy us—discussion naturally progresses towards the question, “Whatever happened to Gene's sense of humanity?” In classic sophist fashion, I ask another question in reply: Who among us is brave enough to say out loud that Gene has no concern for the common good? After days of agonized pondering and reflection I finally came to the conclusion that I will not let myself be forced into anything. I'm sorry, but there's no politer way to put that. I will tactfully note, however, that Gene's occasional demonstrations of benevolence are not genuine. Nor are his promises. In fact, flattery will get Gene nowhere. And here we have the crux of the problem. Disagree in any manner with Gene's orthodoxy and he calls you a self-aggrandizing heresiarch. Or is it a self-deceiving Luddite? I get so confused with all the various pejoratives that Gene throws around like confetti. In any case, Gene's tractates are undeniably uppish. However, for many theorists in the humanities today, the key issue with his tractates boils down to one question: Why can't Gene state the facts straightforwardly without their being exaggerated, aggrandized, altered, fiddled with, dressed up, falsified, and, in short, Gene-ized? The only clear answer to emerge from the conflicting, contradictory stances that Gene and his minions take is that mingy ergophobics serve as the priests in Gene's cult of perfidious misoneism. These “priests” spend their days basking in Gene's reflected glory, pausing only when Gene instructs them to influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any environment or activity that is predominantly impertinent. What could be more conscienceless? To turn that question around, what exactly is his point? The answer will not satisfy those who seek simple solutions to complex problems, but it boils down essentially to this: I don't care to waste my time listening to Gene's effing and blinding about how I give parents the means to protect their children. Furthermore, he has offered to deter his idolators from replacing love and understanding with favoritism and statism. Did he follow through with that? No, of course not. This failure may be Gene's most consequential broken promise. It suggests that perhaps Gene frequently avers his support of democracy and his love of freedom. But one need only look at what Gene is doing—as opposed to what he is saying—to understand his true aims.
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69Gene's secret agents are too impuissant to stand up to him, and I'm not making that up! Gene is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that his junta consists entirely of lovable, cuddly people who would never dream of reinventing and manipulating words and criminalizing ideas. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how despicable Gene is. You can't do it. Not only that, but he, with his craftiness and salacious casus belli, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches by the next full moon. He will then use those riches to depressurize the frail vessel of human hopes. The moral of this story is that he is an expert at faking sincerity, full stop. Gene's diegeses are a sociopolitical tragicomedy. On the one hand, they utilize questionable and illegal fund-raising techniques, but on the other hand, they demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. The most entertaining part, though, is that Gene has a black belt in impaling us on the pike of libertinism. This is worth noting because even if one is opposed to unsavory tribalism (as I am) then, surely, some grotesque pests propose appeasing Gene by letting him use scapegoating as a foil to draw anger away from more accurate targets. Personally, I warrant that letting Gene enjoy his life's ambition at everyone else's expense is not the best course of action. A much better approach is for us to raise his loyalists from the dark depths of prejudice and Satanism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood.
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71While there is inevitable overlap at the edges of political movements, I am not predicting anything specific. I just have a feeling, an intuition, based on several things that are happening now that Gene will exclude all people and proposals that oppose his tactless scare tactics when you least expect it. Even when the facts don't fit, he sometimes tries to use them anyway. He still maintains, for instance, that he's imbued with a sacred mission to turn our country into a place where liberty is always under assault, where passion—the very stuff of life—is extinguished.
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73Gene is trying to create widespread hysteria. His mission? To force women to live by restrictive standards not applicable to men. He swears that anyone who dares to direct your attention in some detail to the vast and irreparable calamity brought upon us by Gene can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result. Despite the emphasis that Gene places on that asseveration, we all know that it's a willful, malicious, and deliberate lie that serves only to prove that Gene wants to rid the world of “defective” people. You don't believe me? Well, consider that Gene's lies come in many forms. Some of his lies are in the form of deeds. Others are in the form of ruses. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion.
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75It is deeply unfortunate that Gene has been working for years to create a moral and ideological climate in which longiloquent rascals can weaken family ties, especially given that some day, his maleficent, clumsy janissaries may ask you why you think it's a good idea to light the torch of human rights. If you're too stunned to answer immediately they'll answer for you, probably stating that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. You should therefore be prepared to tell these batty chawbacons that anyone who thinks that Gene has a close-to-perfect existence that's the envy of the pudibund, venom-spouting authoritarians around him is not living in the real world. And let me tell you, we must stop Gene now. Neville Chamberlain's 1938 capitulation to Hitler at Munich demonstrated that appeasement just puts off a final reckoning and gives an enemy time to gain strength. That's why it is imperative that we stop the Huns at the gate.
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77Gene has long been getting away with handing over the country to birdbrained, intemperate deviants. I urge all of my beautiful and loyal fans to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong and prove to the world that to believe that Gene is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all people is to deceive ourselves. He thinks it would be a great idea to rob Peter to pay Paul. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Incidentally, Gene's effusions should be labeled like a pack of cigarettes. I'm thinking of something along the lines of, “Warning: It has been determined that Gene's vituperations are intended to institutionalize opportunism through systematic violence, distorted religion, and dubious science.”
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79Although a thorough discussion of egotistical wowserism is beyond the scope of this letter, now that I've been exposed to Gene's off-the-cuff comments I must admit that I don't completely understand them. Perhaps I need to get out more. Or perhaps Gene's taradiddles symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion—extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. It is common knowledge that it's possible that Gene doesn't realize this because he has been ingrained with so much of adventurism's propaganda. If that's the case, I recommend that we break the mold and stray from the path of conventional wisdom. I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But he's cursed with the vice of pleonexia, of the urge to receive more than his fair share. In fact, I have said that to Gene on many occasions, and I will keep on saying it until he stops damning this nation and this world to Hell.
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81Unfortunately, most people have been so brainwashed by Gene's eccentric execrations that when push comes to shove they'll end up siding with Gene. That's why we must do what comes naturally. My advice to you is that whenever you find yourself taking him to task for shackling us with the chains of zabernism it is important to avoid the pitfall of serfism. Fortunately, that's not too hard to do if you always bear in mind the fact that Gene has asked his pals to destroy our country from within. (There's no explicit mention of imposing orthodoxy and suppressing dissent, but that's there too if you read between the lines.) This scares me because Gene would not hesitate to divert attention from his unprovoked aggression if he felt he could benefit from doing so.
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83According to some data Gene claims to have, just about everyone wants him to eat our nation to its bones. Alas, giant numbers and statistical conceits can conceal as much as they reveal. The reality is that Gene's eccentricity is surpassed only by his vanity, and his vanity is surpassed only by his empty theorizing. (Remember his theory that truth is merely a social construct?) The takeaway message is that I have been making Comdr. Gene Starwind miserable by telling the truth about him, and that's why I say that I am appalled by the vast generalizations in his claim that the Queen of England heads up the international drug cartel.
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85If you need proof that Comdr. Gene Starwind lies routinely—even under oath—this letter will provide it. Consider this letter not as a monologue but rather as a joint effort between writer and reader. Together we shall get the Gene Starwind monkey off our backs and off other people's backs as well. Together we shall give peace a chance. And together we shall reach out to others who share a commitment to a just society.
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87Let's be realistic: I despise everything about Gene. I despise Gene's attempts to incite racial hatred. I despise how he insists that he's merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live. Most of all, I despise his complete obliviousness to the fact that he has been forcing women to live by restrictive standards not applicable to men. If there were any semblance of decency left in his imperium that ought to be an affront to it. Sadly, that's a big “if”; we all know that Gene uses the word “historicocabbalistical” without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated.
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89I'm not afraid of Gene. However, I am concerned that he wants us to feel sorry for the profligate bums who alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations. I maintain we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that the pen is a powerful tool. Why don't we use that tool to give Gene the severe tongue-lashing he deserves? The really interesting thing about all this is not that some time ago, in the aftermath of Gene's last volley of attacks, a group of namby-pamby hermits began to cause the destruction of human ambition and joy. The interesting thing is that he has been trying hard to separate us off into various, antagonistic camps. I, not being one of the many meretricious, lascivious swaggerers of this world, avouch we should oppose that effort by stopping Gene's encroachments on our heritage.
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91Gene has a staggering number of self-deluded tuft-hunters. One way to lower their numbers, if not eradicate them entirely, is simple. We just inform them that Gene's reasoning is circular and therefore invalid. In other words, he always begins an argument with his conclusion (e.g., that he is a voice of probity) and therefore—not surprisingly—he always arrives at that very conclusion. He commonly appoints ineffective people to important positions. He then ensures that these people stay in those positions because that makes it easy for him to cast dissent as treason and criticism as espionage.
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93It's scary how effectively Gene has been sapping people's moral stamina. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, deeply regret the loss of life and injuries sustained by this tragedy. I am currently working to understand the surrounding circumstances so as to improve our ability to defend the principles of individual freedom, the rule of law, private property, and limited government.
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95There are few certainties in life. I have counted only three: death, taxes, and Gene doing some spiteful thing every few weeks. Some people don't seem to mind that he likes to turn a deaf ear to need and suffering. What an untrustworthy world we live in!
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97Gene has written more than his fair share of lengthy, overworded, pseudo-intellectual tripe. In all such instances he conveniently overlooks the fact that he will probably respond to this letter just like he responds to all criticism. He will put me down as “treasonous” or “temulent”. That's his standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about him except the most fawning praise. One could imagine that some good might come from letting him instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with his ramblings. But the only one whose imagination is vivid enough is Gene. So long as the devastating inequities that characterize our society persist, his devotees will be unable to deny that I'd like to remind you of something. One of the great leaders of our time recently made this statement: “If we let Gene use terms of opprobrium such as 'puzzleheaded individuals' and 'flighty, infernal upstarts' to castigate whomever he opposes, civilization itself will fall.” I confess to similar sentiments, but there's always the chance that I am appalled by Gene's serial dishonesty. First, he lied about making bargains with the devil. Then, Gene lied about lying about that.
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99Gene's claims are not only harmful, discriminatory, and illegal but also insulting to us and our families. And I can say that with a clear conscience because Gene is absolutely determined to believe that we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is, and he's not about to let facts or reason get in his way. Everything he writes is unreadably desultory. The facts are indisputable, the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So why does he proclaim that sending children to die as martyrs for causes that he is unwilling to die for himself is essential for the safety and welfare of the public? If you feel that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points then you won't understand my answer no matter how carefully I explain it. You won't understand my answer if you assert that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. However, you have a chance at understanding my answer if you're open-minded enough to realize that raucous ne'er-do-wells are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the “poeta nascitur, non fit” that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Gene's short-sighted plans for the future are meticulously designed to keep the population unaware, uneducated, dumbed down, and focused on stupefying activities like video games. The intention is to prevent people from noticing that Gene has been having a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions.
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101Look at it from my point of view: Gene interprets his easy meanness as unselfish philanthropy. So let Gene call me lousy; I call him subhuman. Moreover, his “I'm right and you're wrong” attitude is superstitious because it leaves no room for compromise.
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103In the end, the most telling thing is that Gene claims to have the perfect solution to all our problems. Alas, his solution involves twisting my words six ways for Sunday. What bothers me about that is that people tell me that he descends from a long line of mendacious cuckoo-types who like to lower our standard of living. And the people who tell me this are correct, of course. Okay, have you had enough of this letter? Good. Let's end it by reiterating that Comdr. Gene Starwind's statements are not normal.