LCZeEDA1

1uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
2dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
3ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
4buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
5?
6you got
7lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
8i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
9I moderate forums for free
10if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
11i love my android phone
12i bought last year's phone.
13hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
14whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
15Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
16i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
17this but unironically and far more angrier
18i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
19Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
20blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
21the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
22i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
23I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
24I believe in Jesus Christ.
25i hate my roommates!!!
26gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
27I use sprint
28420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
29hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
30I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
31this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
32boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
33uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
34dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
35ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
36buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
37?
38you got
39lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
40i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
41I moderate forums for free
42if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
43i love my android phone
44i bought last year's phone.
45hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
46whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
47Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
48i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
49this but unironically and far more angrier
50i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
51Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
52blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
53the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
54i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
55I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
56I believe in Jesus Christ.
57i hate my roommates!!!
58gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
59I use sprint
60420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
61hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
62I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
63this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
64boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
65uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
66dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
67ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
68buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
69?
70you got
71lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
72i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
73I moderate forums for free
74if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
75i love my android phone
76i bought last year's phone.
77hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
78whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
79Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
80i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
81this but unironically and far more angrier
82i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
83Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
84blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
85the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
86i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
87I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
88I believe in Jesus Christ.
89i hate my roommates!!!
90gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
91I use sprint
92420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
93hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
94I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
95this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
96boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
97uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
98dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
99ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
100buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
101?
102you got
103lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
104i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
105I moderate forums for free
106if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
107i love my android phone
108i bought last year's phone.
109hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
110whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
111Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
112i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
113this but unironically and far more angrier
114i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
115Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
116blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
117the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
118i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
119I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
120I believe in Jesus Christ.
121i hate my roommates!!!
122gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
123I use sprint
124420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
125hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
126I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
127this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
128boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
129uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
130dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
131ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
132buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
133?
134you got
135lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
136i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
137I moderate forums for free
138if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
139i love my android phone
140i bought last year's phone.
141hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
142whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
143Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
144i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
145this but unironically and far more angrier
146i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
147Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
148blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
149the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
150i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
151I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
152I believe in Jesus Christ.
153i hate my roommates!!!
154gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
155I use sprint
156420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
157hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
158I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
159this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
160boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
161uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
162dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
163ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
164buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
165?
166you got
167lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
168i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
169I moderate forums for free
170if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
171i love my android phone
172i bought last year's phone.
173hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
174whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
175Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
176i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
177this but unironically and far more angrier
178i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
179Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
180blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
181the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
182i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
183I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
184I believe in Jesus Christ.
185i hate my roommates!!!
186gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
187I use sprint
188420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
189hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
190I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
191this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
192boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
193uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
194dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
195ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
196buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
197?
198you got
199lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
200i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
201I moderate forums for free
202if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
203i love my android phone
204i bought last year's phone.
205hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
206whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
207Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
208i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
209this but unironically and far more angrier
210i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
211Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
212blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
213the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
214i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
215I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
216I believe in Jesus Christ.
217i hate my roommates!!!
218gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
219I use sprint
220420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
221hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
222I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
223this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
224boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
225uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
226dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
227ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
228buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
229?
230you got
231lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
232i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
233I moderate forums for free
234if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
235i love my android phone
236i bought last year's phone.
237hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
238whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
239Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
240i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
241this but unironically and far more angrier
242i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
243Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
244blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
245the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
246i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
247I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
248I believe in Jesus Christ.
249i hate my roommates!!!
250gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
251I use sprint
252420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
253hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
254I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
255this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
256boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
257uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
258dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
259ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
260buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
261?
262you got
263lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
264i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
265I moderate forums for free
266if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
267i love my android phone
268i bought last year's phone.
269hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
270whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
271Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
272i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
273this but unironically and far more angrier
274i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
275Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
276blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
277the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
278i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
279I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
280I believe in Jesus Christ.
281i hate my roommates!!!
282gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
283I use sprint
284420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
285hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
286I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
287this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
288boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
289uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
290dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
291ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
292buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
293?
294you got
295lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
296i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
297I moderate forums for free
298if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
299i love my android phone
300i bought last year's phone.
301hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
302whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
303Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
304i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
305this but unironically and far more angrier
306i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
307Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
308blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
309the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
310i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
311I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
312I believe in Jesus Christ.
313i hate my roommates!!!
314gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
315I use sprint
316420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
317hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
318I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
319this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
320boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
321uhh,,, i have an old mac with 9999 pending updates and an old POS OS
322dur... i dont respect jony ives vision and use a cell phone case lol. i drop my phone non stop due to palsy or smth
323ffffff.. i lease a internal combustion engine car with a POS OS entertainment system and id ont even know it suxors b/c im REALLY stupid
324buhhhh my name is smythe and I love posting fucked up sexual fantasies on Internet forams oh and also eat boogers farrrrt
325?
326you got
327lol if you think smythe makes even 5 figgies
328i'm at wok right now, where I need to be every day on time
329I moderate forums for free
330if youre not making ~200k seriously go kill you are self
331i love my android phone
332i bought last year's phone.
333hey i bought a new car! look at my car. my car is important and a representation of how i want to present myself to the world. vroom vroom!
334whoa what kind of assHOLE DRIVES that WAY EXCEPT ME who DRIVES EXCEPTIONALLY ABOVE AVERAGE
335Space travel is financially unfeasible, everyone I know drives a Tesla Roadster, why do you ask?
336i'm deeply in debt with no way out, and i'm afraid of what's going to happen in two months when my insurance deductible resets.
337this but unironically and far more angrier
338i cant wait to s,emee star wars its liek bacon but in movie form! lol?
339Netflix is too expensive for thr sh1t selection. I prefer to use crunthyroll and crackle.
340blaaa.. flurrrr..... i have Tap to Click turned off and use one of those travel mices with the retractable cord with my bent up and not updated core 2 duo macbook
341the gym is too expensive and i dont have time due to working 2 jobs 1 of them at a 5 guys and the other at the toilet janitor cleaning job. a woman will love me for my mind anyways, not my body. she will see my reddit post history and love me for my epic bacons and narwalls. also my epic posts on something sensive and i love hitler and dragging fags to death behind my domestic pickup truck. YOSPOS sucks.
342i live in a flyover state and its really good haha. theres a good brewery. its good because cost of living is low and id ont havea CS degree and make my rent by installing windows update and rebooting computers. NO! I Will Not Fix Your Computer, unless of course I'm at work where that's my job and im happy to do with a smile while wearing my wrikled Company Polo. FUCK YOU SATYA! WINODWS 10 SUXXXXXXX!!!
343I'm glad to be alive and never fantasize about suicide or being dead or the interminable loneliness of being
344I believe in Jesus Christ.
345i hate my roommates!!!
346gonna join up, just can't decide between army or marines
347I use sprint
348420 every morning in my car before work. hella want to smoke out the girl who works the register but she has a boyfriend
349hey i just signed up fro CrudBox! it sends me all the crud i want, $20 a month, every first of the monthther'es something to respect about a man with a larhge consistent crud collection (crudco, maybe i could make an app for what crud youve collected?)
350I want to go out this weekend and just get nuts and run through pussy like drain-o
351this unironically (except i fucked her anyway)
352boy I wish I knew how much real tech companies paid before taking this startup job!
353sorry man i cant go to lunch my credit's maxed
354just got a new computer for school *pulls out chromebook*
355i fuck my computer to death
356me too
357no guys i can't go out to lunch i brought a sad piece of shit soggy sandwhich that my fat ugly wife made
358I'm racially impure
359I majored in the humanities and have a part time job at a non profit and im working on a screenplay
360my fav forum on Something Awful is the MMO forum becuase i like to play while my children get taken away by CPS from my double-wide hoarder hovel
361i hope you mean 200k before quarterly bonuses because otherwise lol
362Ive got 42 pages worth of posts in the combined Goon BDSM/Kink and Online Dating megathreads
363i DONT know how to Program Computers
364i'm only living at my parents so i can save up for a house i could buy one right now but i want to have a 20% down payment so i don't have to pay mortgage insurance
365
366you fucki9ng idiot. do i look like its my job to help you find something on the shelf? -is wearing company shirt, name tag, novelty hat, clown shoes
367sig check
368should i buy an infiniti qx50 or an audi a3i hear superior adhesives make the panties drop, yo
369its not spring though
370i'm going to get rich from these bitcoins that i bought with my figgys! eheheh wake up sheeple!
371with my associates degree from ITT tech and my Microsoft and Cisco certificates, I'm going to really get ahead in the tech industry
372how did you find my secret diary
373i have sigs off
374HKEY_LOCAL_BALLSACK
375lol!
376the company i work for cares about me as a person
377i've been using this smartphone with a cracked screen for 14 months but no worries, only three more until my contract with Verizon lets me upgrade
378I got to pick up a bag of weed
379lol
380
381driving a '96 toyota tercel communicates that i am thrifty, responsible, and know about proper car maintenance
382at my second job there was literally someone with an associates from ITT tech and he said it cost like ~40,000 lmao
383a have a buddy who owns a computer janitorial company and he said that ITT tech just teaches you by rote how to click on a series of dialog boxes without knowing what they mean what they're doing or what the end result should be
384i have no savings and thus live in constant fear of losing my job, a constant gnawing fear that has obliterated my productivity and will eventually lead to my being fired
385i have no savings, very weak credit, about 50k worth of debt, i rent an apartment, i don't drive a car (yet, i'm buying a 3k used jeep this winter) and a 90k salary. i'm pure middle class, OPoh and i also live in fear of losing my job at the startup i work for
386the hospital is trying to charge me $1000 on top of the $500 they already accepted in payment because it turns out that while the hospital is in-network, the actual doctor wasn't, and now they're saying they're going to send it to collections and I'm worried about dinging my credit.
387i thought medical bills couldn't hurt your credit rating, legally
388i was wrong.
389but do 5 figgy fucktards ITT know that?edit- o ok lol'MERIKUH
390lol
391i'm going to vote for Ben Carson, i think he has a lot of good ideas that i'm unable to enumerate for you presently other than 'take back America'.
392this is every broke motherfucker that grew up in his parents suburban house and doesn't realize what working at Starbucks and sharing an apartment with 3 other dudes means he really is
393ahahaha this degree from full sail university will get me a sweet job tightening up the graphics on level 3
394I'm a 5 figgy FuckTard ITT, and I'd like to invite you to join my LinkedIn network
395i bet if i work really hard and always give 110% then i can succeed!
396my manager's direction is that i should
397i buckled down and just got my taxes done early this year
398since i wasn't able to take any time off last year were hoping we can have a real nice vacation we the money saved
399mid five figges
400college was the best five years of my life
401i figure once we're done paying down our debt i can go back to school for my mba
402*schedules a conference call at 10pm cause it's super important, manager doesn't call in*
403No I DONT want fries with that, as I cannot afford them.
404*is rung up for and pays for fries anyway to avoid "rocking the boat" *
405yeah, so i gave my bonus to charity this year. feels real good to give back, you know?
406
407
408i wish we could tithe more but we just can't spare it i hope none of the other partitioners find out
409i'm taking the girlfriend to disneyworld this year for vacation!
410my plan is to buy a duplex, live in one half and rent out the other for about as much as the mortgage is totally
411i've been eating healthy, nothing better than kale and ranch dressing
412
413Thanks to a well timed cost of living adjustment, Pizza Friday is Back!!
414this is good
415my plan is to rent until i lose my job and then i'll just die i guess
416gosh well right now i'm just really working on paying down my credit card debt
417lol
418close 2 home
419I only take the standard deduction, so doing my taxes is pretty painless.
420lol if this isnt your plan in life
421gas thread ban op
422
423I have a printer for printing my resume.
424Shasta FTW.
425i plan to rent until the housing market crashes (because the rest of teh economy will collapse and ill get fired as a non essential computer jockey)
426I feel it's important that my resume both show the whole story, and also exist as evidence of my attention to detail, so it's 11 pages long.** i did actually receive an 11 page resume a few years back. based on the first two pages she wasn't even clear on what position she was applying for.
427okay this thread is bumming me out now. poor people are depressing
428i loooooooooooooooooved my 3 study abroad semesters in europecant wait to grind out 10 years in a public service job to get this debt wiped out!
429i like how
430i got a good deal on this printer but the ink is expensive so i just refill it with a syringe like a heroin addled junkie i also use it for my heroin so my veins are full of deskjet ink.
431I quit my job at 3am over email because I was offered ten grand higher salary
432*turns dial to KUSC classical* I don't know what song this is.
433Lol
434
435actually nvmmaxe fucked around with this message at Nov 12, 2015 around 01:32
436it is, we're all fat and angrylol nice edit
437
438i briefly forgot this was the funny computer/existential crisis forum and now i feel like a dumb idiot
439you stab directly to the heart of all of us, doctor
440oh i could make way more money but its more important to be doing what i love
441thats right baby - TWO chromecasts*slides a little closer, vinyl sofa creaks*
442why are you laughing, 5 and a half figgies is above the average for white males in america, i read it in a study
443I really wanted to expand my home SAN, but I spent too much on Star Wars figures this month and I gotta stay in budget. It's probably $200 for another SSD, but it sure beats Netflix!
444appletv? heh! no thank you. i've got this little baby running a little something called xbmc.yep. still running with the same pentium 4 i got for half-life 2
445i'm at nearly 200k miles on my car and it's almost paid off. i bought it used. i'm hoping that it will survive long enough that i can get my credit rating back up, so that i can get a loan to replace it with another used car.
446it's my birthday next weekI'm really excited to get my yearly bj
447Mods! ooc! you can have an unfulfilling sex life at any salary range
4485 and a half or a deece 5 and a half?
449my car is such a piece of shit that i strategically choose my parking space and arrival/departure times to ensure that nobody sees me getting into/out of it
450my figgies usually look big than this, its cold out side, shrinkage!!
451Buff sexy 6 figgy god: I'm rich bitch!!!!Weak ugly 5 figgy scum: I'm broke bitch!
452the power company just called. fortunately payday's tomorrow
453im always stressed in november because its hard to keep up with all the black friday flyer leaks
454
455Not only am I barely 20 years old and have a fiance, but I have also given her a placeholder engagement ring instead of a real ring due to financial realities. I will plan to replace it, but due to living paycheck to paycheck it will never materialize. Eventually, I will replace it with my mothers engagement ring, when she perishes.
456*deposits another $500 in draftkings account*this is the week!
457:the high-five emoticon:
458As I sit in my cubicle emptily scrolling reddit showerthoughts (not YOSPOS) I am reminded of the dark times in my past. when I was young, and in high school, I was drinking some beers with some buddies when we started thinking about that faggot who was rumored to have offered to suck off the football team. we started really getting into the ribbing, talking about that faggot. what a worthless faggot he was. thinking about how he would sit in church with us all, stinking the place up with his cocksucking ways right there in the house of G*d. im remembering when we started drinking some whisky and moonshine also along with the beers and then we drove over to that faggots house and we done and hog tied that faggot. his daddy was dead and his mother was a weak whore. anyways im sitting there scrolling shower thoughts while Windows Update installs software on my coworkers Windows 10 (it's a real POS) Dell INspiron and im sitting there remembering when we hog tied that faggot. im remembering when I fucked his tight little asshole for having the audacity to look at my package in gym class. i remember his eyes running up and down my dong through those soft gym shorts that really show off a good dick. i remember pulling my shorts tight so he could see the outline of my hard cock whiule I looked as his and he bit his lip that one day on the basketball court. I remember when me and the boys hog tied that faggot and raped him. i remember when we tied him behind the pickup truck and dragged him until he died. i remember going home to my trailer and nobody bein none the wiser. nowadays im married and i install Windows Update but he doesn't. He doesn't install Windows Update because he's dead. He also doesn't have to remember his look when he chewed his lip when he fucks his fat wife just so he can get hard. He doesn't have a netbook hidden in the garade he uses to browse the different and bad porno when the wifeys asleep. I guess he's the lucky one.
459
460vivid
461lol, amazing
462yeah i kno guac is extra
463i work hard at the local auto parts plant and try to save money for retirement and still buy toys for my children
464heres a article you read if you want to try RPing as a 4 figgy fucktardhttp://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...s-poorest-townswhite people lmao
465i actually get pretty good mileage out of my Porsche Boxster, but that's probably because i'm pretty careful about keeping it under the speed limit. I mean, can you imagine what a speeding ticket in a porsche does to your insurance?! but also, you know, i bought it and it's been a struggle to fit the payments in but really i see it as an investment, in ten years this baby will be a classic
466it's interest free for 2 years no big deal
467(ooc)i love smythe(in character)uhh... crossfit!! brocode!! im drinkign soylent on my standing desk, oh shit my (appl symbol;)watch needs a charge!! my tweets r blowing up #socialmedia #newfolowers
468sunday night is football night! GO BROWNS!!!my favorite part is carrie underwood
469honestly, i love working these 60 hour weeks for which i'm legislatively exempt from overtime. that's what capitalism is all about! If I had an issue I could just look for another job.
47060 hours should really be the standard for anyone not lazy/on welfare or french
471*transfers massive credit card debt to new credit card*
472I'm five years out of college but I'm still on my parents' car insurance
473
474chuck palanic meets david foster wallace, i like
475someday i'm going to write a book and get rich, and famous. going to be at some big event when my book gets made into a movie and accidentally bump into jennifer lawrence. ill say something funny and she'll laugh. Ill ask her if she's having a good time at the event that is all about my book becoming a movie and she'll smile and say yes. shell touch my arm and well exchange knowing glances
476I just invested $500 in the stock market. it's already gone up enough to cover the transaction fees.
477assembling furniture from ikea fills me with a sense of ownership and accomplishment that no amount of money could buy
478im a graduate recently hired by goog/appl/micro$oft and im paid 98k a yeari dont think i belong here
479AW shit... i bought a Used car but my Android phone wont work with it... Shit
480im, uh, i think i made a dece 4 figgies last year. Not quite sure how to do this roleplay
481if you do this enough times, they stop offering you free balance transfers. i know this because
482my phone was like ten bucks on my parents plan. i just finally got off it and my first months bill is 160 fucking dollars. i'm still on their car insurance.
483today's payday, so i just spent the past literal hour paying all of my bills. most of them were not overdue yet this time.
484cricket motherfuckerstop signing contracts
485but i wanted an iphone.
486My student debt is so high and my figgys so low that I'll effectively never need to pay off the loans
487think big?
488if you're living in Silicon Valley or SF this is like making about $40k/year in any other part of the country
489raise your paw if you've ever checked your life insurance policy's suicide provisions
490
491I make like 70k so I deserve to buy a 40k car
492i don't have any opinions about the capital gains tax
493i have lots of opinions on the capital gains tax as well as on racism and welfare and furthermore *is distracted by repo man hooking trailer to tow truck*
494It makes sense to buy a jetski, as long as I use it more than 8 times a year it's cheaper than renting
495lol i'm outenjoy this shithole
496jonny
497just requested a psych appointment, good thing i've been putting money in the ol' hra. i'm up to two hundred dollars now!
498I am currently making payments on my car, and have a one-bedroom apartment with no roommates.
499I just get what I need from my GP, those psych appointments are expensive
500Ah shit AAPL down 0.5%, better sell my 2 shares
501i dont work overtime because then id go into a higher tax bracket and actually make LESS
502my mom still believes this
503it doesn't matter what you study as long as you get an education and become a well rounded person
504why doesn't the government just make college free for everyone?
505i too have a relationship with my mom and have not stuffed her away in an old folks home from where she can not contact me
506my kids are my life
507
508im just as smart as all my friends who make six figures so i could make more money if i wanted to pretty easily
509my brother is a lawyer and has us all over to his house to watch the game and swim in the pool on weekends. I invited my parents over for dinner at my apartment and my mom brought a roast from home.
510I love GBS
511I'm excited for the new WoW expansion!!!
512who teh fuck is steve inskeep??
513i get all my news from Reddit and Twitter. Straight from the source. I'll compile the raw information about both sides of the issue and synthesize my own conclusion. I don't need some lieberal idiot regurgitating his dumb fuck opinion into my mouth. Faggot
514I wish they would have affirmative action hires of white people
515I can't wait to vote republican
516
517i don't think fast-food workers deserve $15/hr
518Well of course not, it's not fair to someone like me that worked hard to get a communications degree. Fast food work just doesn't deserve that kind of money
519Once my paycheck clears should I buy the new call of duty or fallout 4? I'll have to wait until next month to get the other one
520My friend showed me this cool life hack where you freeze your credit card so you can't make any impulse purchases
521I know this sounds terrible, but when mom dies we can sell her house and finally take the kids to disney world
522My wife doesn't work, child care is so expensive it just made more sense for her to stay at home and take care of junior
523you don't have to wait till you're mom dies. just find a time share company that is offering a free trip. the seminar that you have to sit through will probably only last 8 hours. worth it, imo.
524This craft beer tastes weird so I'm just going to order a miller lite
525Maybe for my 40th birthday I can get that Harley I've always wanted. They have great financing specials this time of year
526Honey, I know they were $200, but these seats to the football game are fantastic...upper level at the 50 yard line and only 15 rows back. I told Russell I'd pick up his shift next week to make some extra money
527Been working a lot of overtime lately, saving up for a down payment on the boob job my wife wants
528Excuse me bartender, ways the price difference between the top shelf whiskey and the house? Oh ok I'll just have the house whiskey then
529After church on Sunday's I usually spend a few hours going through the paper clipping coupons
530i can't taste the difference between a 15 year scotch and a 25 year scotch
531buys knockoff uggs
532I just got a great deal on this used mercedes
533lol
534you know, it's so great that craft beers are becoming more mainstream. seeing great small breweries getting ahead just shows that the market is looking for a better experience than that Coors Light garbage. I'll have a Blue Moon please waiter.
535i have 5 figgys now but when i gloriously die in the name of allah i shall have 72 deece virgins
536
537I'm thinking about trading in my suv for something that gets better gas mileage
538Do you like my suit? It was $175 at kohls but I think it's worth it
539Someday I'd like to get a real nice car, like a Buick or something.
540My uncle is loaded. He's got an rv and wears a fossil watch
541GAS PRICES!!!
542I just started crossfit
543uggggh my fibromyalgia *pops three vicodin*
544Gonna go all out for my bachelor party next year...myrtle beach!!
545My chiropractor treats me for this without drugs for only $40 cash per 2 minute appointment and it makes me feel great
546man I can't believe how high my taxes are. Fucking obama
547lol
548jesus this guy got incredibly lazy
549whats the deal with being an adult/depressed
550We should get a group together to share an Amazon prime account
551all i do is nothing but work and play video games because i'm too depressed to do anything else
552ive never been to the beach
553i live more than an hour away from the nearest large body of water
554i love to use the features built in to my samsung smart tv
555i dont want to update kuz my friend told me the new update sucks and takes all your memory
556love the programming on the ION network and also TNT
557my wife quit her job so she can spend all her time clipping coupons. we save so much money this way
558I dropped my phone, so I had to use it with a cracked screen until I could save up and buy a Moto E from Cricket.
559og law and order episodes are cool ok man? but none of that svu garbage
560yeah, i'm a big fan of the fallout games. i'm a bit of a retro gamer, so i've got some serious nostalgia for playing fallout 3 on my 360
561i just had an epic win at the sprint store. i asked the clerk for the best phone in the shop. he tried to push a $200 iphone on me but i negotiated my way to a free android!! his manager wont be happy about it but im no sucker
562We decided we wanted the ULTIMATE destination wedding to kick off our marriage with a bang and to really show our friends and families a good time. So we went with the mid-tier Disney World package.** some friends actually did this, i am still embarrassed for them
563I can own land
564its a great investment, they arent making any more of it!!
565just going to stay in bed today, if I stay under the covers i don't have to turn the thermostat up or buy food
566what does "rp" mean
567i haven't balanced my checking account lately, better not use my check card until i do. might over draft.
568i make a deece 6 and a half figgies* * rupees
569lol
570just wanna say all of Dislike buttons post itt are 555
571i dont have to rpits meim poor
572New WoW expansion looks great! Not sure if I can stomach looking at my /played tho lol haha
573lol
574kids, i know we all asked santa for a new playstation this year, but there's this wonderful man daddy known on the internet who goes by the name doobie
575man I'm just too tired after work to go to the gym. the membership fee is too expensive anyway
576i don't recognize most of these beer names but i've heard budweisers is bad. i'll have a sam adams
577Check out this sweet blender i bought from QVC. It's normally $400 but I'm getting it for only 5 payments of $79.95. I'm gonna use it for this juice cleanse because I feel like I've got a whole lot of toxins built up in my body
578*hands out Herbalife information to coworkers at the elementary school*
579I do all my shopping at wal-mart
580me and the boys are gonna play 9 holes at the municipal golf course Saturday morning. You should see how hot the chick driving the refreshment cart is!! She's like 16 though
581No, I've never flown on a plane before. But when you've got a truck like this why would you want to?
582Well, we did the math, and now that Tracy got bumped up to $13 an hour at the university cafeteria I think it's finally time for that above ground pool
583I've never left this state except one time when my parents drove to the Grand Canyon when I was a kid
584oh you have $medical_condition? I have just the $mlm_snake_oil for that!
585Darlene, if Chelsea wants to get married at the yacht club then that's what's going to happen because she's my baby. I already talked to the bank and we can get up to $35,000 against our house and Dale said he can get us the member's rate at the marina
586sure I love my modern medicine and fda approved medications that wont eat a hole in my heart, but I don't believe that all medicines should have to undergo scientific study in order to be used. now rub this lavender oil on your forehead
587My dogs are outside dogs. My friend works for a fencing company and was able to build us a chain link 8 by 12 kennel for cheap. Thinking about getting one around the whole yard if we get our Christmas bonus this year
588God fucking damnit Jackie why is your Kia parked under the carport when it's supposed to rain all weekend and my Camaro is in the driveway?
589you know, after that project in the spring my boost to that senior position seemed like a shoe in. I'm really worried now, though, cuz I'll be out for a bit for this hernia surgery, and I already used up my vacation on that heart attack in July. But maybe i can put the surgery off and get back to the grind... after all, that co pay isn't gonna be cheap. maybe wait for the bonus at the end of the year.
590So last weekend I met a girl at the bar and got her number and we went to Outback Steakhouse on Thursday. Man I tell you what, $66 dollars (I only left a $5 tip because I'm pretty sure the waiter was a pillow biter) and all I got was a half ass handjob
591Most of my friends are wasting their time and money on stupid stuff like their wife or kids or house. I only pay $600 a month rent for my room so why wouldn't I go through 7 graphics cards this year?
592come over to my place and watch the Ronda rousey fight I got a couple hot n ready pizzas!
593Dude...you're not gonna believe this shit. Last night me and chad went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the ufc fight and my fucking boss Ronald was there making out with Chastity from sales. Fucked up right? We went out on his pontoon boat with hi wife and kids this summer
594the repo man stole my Mitsubishi Mirage and I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to get to work now?
595my net income each month from my job as a walmart assistant manager is $1980 and i just leased a new truck for only $530 a month for the next six years
596man i could really go for some mexican food. anyone want to drive me to taco bell?
597man come on, you know that taco bell shit ain't real mexican. what kind of self-respecting mexican cook would make those godawful dorito tacos?but i am feeling the ethnic vibe. Tell you what, I've got a gift card handy, let's go to the Olive Garden and i'll show you what some real foreign food is like.
598there's like 30 grand in my 401(k), the penalties to get at it don't look too bad
599*has bad / missing teeth*
600hell no man, you could just about get a new mustang with that kinda money saved up. i mean lets be real, you cant take it with you right?
601you guys remember what happened in nazi germany? it took a wheelbarrow full of money to buy a loaf of bread. my brothers friends cousins girlfriend works for teh govnerment and says its gonna be like that again. thats why i put all my savings into gold and silver coins just to be safe
602bro....hell yeah bro. what did tracy say? that bitch doesnt know shit i knew you were gonna get accepted to ECPI. lets go get some pbr and boneless mild wings to celebrate
603*votes democrat*
604alright, about last night, im sorry i hit you but you were really pissing me off the way you were talking about travis being sexy. its fucked up that you made me do that shit. im just not going to drink any more 4 lokos again sionce you obviously cant handle being around me
605
606man my ex wife is SUCH a huge bitch. she didnt do shit but stay at home for 20 years watching the kids and now she wants me to pay her $20,000 a year now that wer arent together? it just goes to show you how women are the ones who are really in control of thihngs
607*raises another man's child*
608no its not an mlm
609dang dude show some respect to steve he did the best he could for you and your mom
610actually, i joined the forums for c&d;
611i pray every night
612I like Jimmy Fallon a lot
613whats the wait for a table? 60-75 minutes? OK sounds good thank you.
614sure ill donate. the forums have given me so much entertainment over the years, it's a small price to pay!
615*nods knowingly* their appetizers are worth the wait
616all my footwear is new balance. they have just the right amount of room for a mr scholls insert.
617i don't just drink monster for the supplements they put in it, it tastes pretty good too!
618*sticks monster stickers of varying sizes all over my truck*
619I had earmarked that to finally replace my stupid newbie av, but donating to the site just seemed like the right thing to do
620i'll buy a new av on payday.
621
622These Springsteen concert tickets sure were expensive, but the whole crew from church is going so I'll have to modify the Christmas present budget this year
623I follow the I Fucking Love Science! page on Facebook, but mostly for the pictures. What can I say, I majored in communications!
624I love shopping at ross, marshals, tj maxx
625my neighbors pretty cool. he lets me park my mercedes c class in his garage for only $200 a month so the repo guys can't get at it
626lol
627
628I dislike public transportation, give me the safety of my leased 2013 Corolla anyday.
629im voting for trump because he will keep away the mexicans who are trying to steal my job
630can you believe that i got this 4s on contract for free?
631day phone, night phone
632hey guys please dont text me until the 1st im running super low on texts
633almost out of groceries, time to hit up the 7-11 and splurge on a movie on the way out
634*googles "debt consolidation loans are they a scam"*
635Aye maybe if yer name is John Titor
636why would I need to get a cable internet for my home I have t-mobile they have unlimited data I'll just run everything off of that
637of course i have cable TV. I won't use netflix, the way my cable company is trying to limit their speeds and putting up data caps suggests netflix has some shady shit going on. better to stick with the tried and true.
638i have to call up comcast and ask them nicely for a cheaper rate again. i'd threaten to switch providers - but there aren't any others!
639everyone bring ten bucks when you come over to cover the pay per view fees
640*looks up median income statistics*Just above.
641snipeeeddd
642i actually managed to pay all my bills with last week's paycheck. just barely
643I'm applying for this new position at my work. i don't have any relevant skills but i interview well so i think i got this
644ugh fuck I didn't get the job - apparently I don't ha Ve enough experience ?!!how am I meant to get experience if they don't give me the job??!!?
645just one more credit card and then i can get that timeshare
646i support net neutrality!
647i dont support net neutrality!
648I always make sure I put "email, Internet, word and excel" under skills in all the resumes I hand out.
649Tuesday and Wednesday are my weekend, unless they need me for more hours
650today's my saturday
651I refuse to pay for a train ticket when the fucking thing has been late 5 days in a row. yes I will talk to the conductor
652it took 6 months but I finally saved enough for my 8th tattoo session! can't wait!
653If I buy my train ticket 3 days in advance I get a 10% discount with my Triple-A membership!
654I get pissed off that people discriminate against me just because I have tats and gauges and rings in my lip and eyebrow.
655I vote based on how my company suggests I vote because what's good for them is de facto good for me.
656i can't just quit my job to take a better one. sure my employer _could_ fire me in a heartbeat for no reason at all, but they wouldn't do that. its about loyalty.
657sure this house is a lot of debt to take on but i can fix it up and flip it for big bucks in a year or two. ive watched some youtubes on renovations. i'm climbing the property ladder.
658dining tip: scan the menu's prices before reading the description, that way you don't get your hopes up for something you can't have
659lol
660Life status: Hacked
661*thinks this is fine state of affairs*
662jonny
663where i live greyhound is 1/3 the price of the train, sure it might take an extra 2 hours, there is less leg room and the bathroom is grossBUT you can totally drink your own beers without getting hassled like the trainso it even out
664Car broke down again, a friend says I blew a head gasket. I should be ok if I let it warm all the way up before I drive it, he says. Man I wish I could afford to live within range of mass transit, it'd be so much easier.
665Did you guys catch the latest Diner's, Drive-Ins, and Dives? Holy fuck I love Guy Fieri.
666I watch the food network ironically.
667my wife andn i like to cosplay
668I realized I could make tea using the hot water faucet in the bathroom at work. Sayonara, Starbucks!
669holy shit he's actually at that place i sometimes stop by to grab a quick bite when i'm on my way to my second job
670people really appreciate being picked up in a lexus when i give them uber rides.
671I pay for stuff using the principal of my inheritance instead of just the interest.
672I make a five-figure salary. AMA.
673this thread getting a bit 2 real 4 me
674
675Only 7 minutes and 31 seconds until I can go on lunchbreak
676Can't wait to flip this starter home, it'll be ao much easier to get my foot in the door for my next house now.
677I can't be late to work because I'll get in trouble again
678lol
679I live near work, but I can save $200 a month in rent if I move an hour away! Seems like a good deal.I juggle several credit cards for the rewards. Only one of them has a membership fee, but over the course of a year I get back the $45.My parents were never really all that great at managing their finances, and they have a home AND a winter nest in Phoenix!Why fix the button on my shirt, I can just buy a three pack at Wal-Mart for the same cost!http://www.theonion.com/article/are...me-for-muc-1379
680not to brag or anything but I have an encyclopedic knowledge of <$100 android devices
681i could transfer now but im trying to get as much done at community college as possible
682this is actually smart though unless you've got a free ride
683yah, ap tests + cc for all your gen ed requirements, then transfer to a good state school and get out with a useful degree asap is the pro move (unless you have rich parents paying or a scholarship to a fancy school)community colleges own and are way underappreciated
684Yeah, I've got 100k in student loan debt but college grads make 250k more over the course of their lives
685why would i buy pet insurance. that's what credit cards are for
686Actually, pitbulls aren't more aggressive than other dogs, it's just people that bring them up to be like that. rocky would never hurt anyone
687i got a speeding ticket on the way home from worki should have just stayed home
688Psa pitbulls are extremely strong and do not feel pain so dont put your hands in their mouth
689This
690yee
691i love going to high school football games to cheer on my alma mater
692lol
693
694with interest rates this low itd be dumb not to get a second mortgage
695wowsers
696my old job used to block access to facebook but now i get 250mb of external quota per day
697A quota on Internet usage at work?
698lol
699Well done please
700Hey you know about cars, right? my kid's about to turn 17 and we wanted to get him a car, got any recommendations that'd be reliable and cheap to repair, but also be somewhat cool?<reasonable, thought out suggestion made here for a well known, well-regarded, reliable and cool car>eh, nah, I think we'll just get him a used Camry.
701"What laptop should I buy?""Get a Thinkpad T Series""Yeah, thanks but instead I bought this shitbox from wally world for $199, it's kinda slow and the plastic creaks when you open it but maybe you could take a look and speed it up?"
702fixed
703lol
704i packed my lunch today.
705i eat out for lunch every day because im too lazy to cook and dont understand why i live paycheck to paycheck after spending $300/month on work lunches
706the one with the bacon, uhh... fil-lay mig-nyon and i think it's the red wine that goes with meat so i'll have some of that too
707i wonder if i wouldn't be crippled by credit card debt if i'd started packing my lunches four years ago.
708200 dollars for a keyboard?! That's insane!
709the flaming young steak is too expensive so i'll have the flaming young chicken
710new phone! text me your number XXX-XXX-XXXX
711ftfy
712i support the local university's football team!i mean, i never went to college. in fact, i just have a GED. but i stick to the local team like it's my step-alma mater!
713
714lol
715GOON APPROVED LAPTOP
716dell in love
717i cant wait for our caribbean cruise vacation, weve been saving up all year for itthey say all you can eat buffets are included each night, what a value!
718eugh! squid and octopus? that seems a little too exotic for meill have the macaroni and cheese, thank you
719what is this weird music you are playing? dont you have any country or rap instead
720can i get this with some miracle whip?
721your finest steak, well done, with some barbecue sauce on the side
722*gets really excited when the soda fountains in the communal breakfast/lunch/dinner area of the I-85 hampton inn work at 7 am during breakfast*
723ugh, don't you know the classic five figgy fucktard "kinda likes everything" except country and rap
724Oh yeah, I love music. I listen to everything from Katy Perry to Linkin Park.
725me and aunt linda are waking up early to get in line outside walmart for black friday. afterwards, we are going to meet up with my cousins at golden corral
726
727no thats the person who thinks they are better than everyone because they work with compuiters and listen to shitty techno or 90s radiohead all day
728I watched this cam girl pleasure herself with a pineapple and the best part is all those other chumps donated to hit the limit
729i got married when i was 19 to the first girl who let me fuck her
7305 figgy fucktards listen to rap and country and classy 6 figgly gentlegoons listen to news radio and classical music at reasonable decibels. hope this tutorial was helpful
731"Going to work to make the money I need to pay rent, etc."
732"My advice, is to get a practical degree. You should do a STEM thing so you can make a living."
733"cjs: My AMEX rewards got me an upgrade to business. Free cocktaisl ahoy goonfriends. :-)"
734"My HMO"
735"I can't waltz and only speak my native language"
736you should do what you love, that way you will never work a day in your life! *makes $9 an hour with no benefits giving baths to old people*
737Did my post hit a little too close to home? Fucktard?
738go see a play? idk that sounds pretty gay to me, plus the nascar race is on
739lol
740shit, this is literally me during my initial visit for my five and a half figgies job i moved across country for
741except the machine didn't work because of course it didn't
742new country is the hallmark of basic bitches
743lol if you drink soda before noon(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
744and I 25 instead of 85 and a different hotel. so not literally, but still. post in'
745soda is hideous
746I often get soda instead of coffee when I get Burger King breakfast because it's easier to drink right away than hot coffee and bigger than iced coffee(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
747sounds like fun, id love to myself but i gotta be up extra early for my shift at walmart, after which i have my shift at golden corral
748I program computers in an open-plan office. It's pretty boring and my co-workers are unbelievably irritating because they're mostly pretty far along on the autism spectrum. but that's alright, it's good money!
749Hey dude, I got my new home cinema set up, you wanna come over and watch Avengers 2 tonight? Oh by the way, do you have a netflix subscription?
750Amberpos supremacy!
751Another good 1to1 with the boss, just 5 more years to go for that VP promotion
752Technical interview today... Gonna take a shot of epic bullit rye to calm my nerves. YOSPOS bithc!
753lololol
754
755I'm headed out to buy some weed.
756"agggg, gotta deal with freakin failtard Sanjay in India to fix the DB again. pissss"
757"took down prod rolling out my epic patch today "
758
759"c health s: doc says i got low T. "
760You must bring me... A shrubbery!!! Oh man I love that movie.
761
762God am I pumped for the new Star Wars.
763basically, Star Trek: Generations was the keystone of the whole series and is as critical as any of the others
764it's cool, i have it on DVD. normal DVD, none of that blu-ray Sony scam bullshit
765I know you're good with electronics; can you help me set up my new LG flatscreen?...What did you do?! Now my movies all have black bars on the sides!
766lol
767if you've been asked the question "is pepsi okay?", you might be a 5 figgy fucktard
768he clearly said "badass"my logitech 7.1 system doesn't lie
769excuse me, waiter? can I have some ketchup for my steak?
770god damn it bill, you're embarrassing me, they know me here. they don't put ketchup on the table for a reason. they serve top quality steaks at long horn. if you want a piece of leather slathered in 'chup go to, i don't know, outback steakhouse. now put your arm down, here's some A1.
771I once saw an ad for testosterone replacement therapy and an ad for "did you take trt and have an ultrastroke and develop stage 7 cancer? call our law firm now!" during the same show
772I watch advertisements
773I have a stable housing situation that I'm covering with my own income, I'm living well within my means and still have enough every month for some small luxuries and the incidental things that come up. I have health insurance and I can clear up my copays as they come. Things are pretty good.
774bless your heart! see you at church
775This! Share if you agree!
776i vape
777*updates budget spreadsheet*
778
779You see, my opinions of religion are grander than yours because I, myself, are an atheist
780i have 3 tvs
781i keep an eye on amazon lightning deals. you never know what will show up
782you wouldn't *believe* the markup on iPads!
783oh man christmas is going to cost me like 5 grand this year but you know, don't skimp on your family that's what really matters
784
785parents are out of town this weekend, gonna have my girlfriend over and she can spend the night.
786*has 15k posts on poolforum.com*
787Oh wait that's our very own jello
788lol
789i have a great view of the city i can't afford to live in
790i bought a house i can't afford because the prices can only go up!!ugh fucking property taxes why do i have to pay for sidewalks this is bullshit. i see those republicans were right all along
791*lives 50+ miles away from an ocean*
792
793what's the point of traveling? i have everything i need right here
794$110 each for a passport? no thanks, ill keep taking the kids to disney world instead we just got the disney credit card that has 0% interest for the first year, this is really gonna save us a lot of money after the balance transfer
795what do you mean miracle whip isn't mayonnaise?
796just finished my shopping spree at william's sonoma. i know $40 is a bit pricey for a cheese grater, but you can't skimp on quality!
797*thinks a beef steak is the height of fine cuisine*
798*scans rum bottle barcode* i wrote an app that'll help me find drinks with the highest ABV per dollar taking into account store brand soda as mixers!
799*drinks shasta cola*
800the salesman at the Ford dealer said I was lucky. his manger wasn't in so he was able to get me an amazing 84 month financing rate on a V6 mustang.
801the outlet mall is staying open for 24 hours starting thanksgiving day*cant wait to get my christmas shopping in on one of the few days a year my employer lets me take off instead of relaxing at home with my family*seriously, they are
802the war on thanksgiving
803'happy holidays!''yeah its EAT LOTS OF FOOD AND WATCH SPORTS AND ARGUE WITH FAMILY ok pal?'
804*literally kicks car tyre*
805why drink bottled water? I just get it for free out of the tap(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
806hurry up and order that pizza if you do it before 5 it's $2 off
807oh man you wen to the store? let me scan and upload that receipt, in a few days I'll get an email with some credit if the items were cheaper elsewhere. I already have $11.30 in store credit saved!
808that is what isis is really fighting for, equality and workers rights
809
810yeah man, don't you love the new flatscreen? we put the old one in the bedroom
811I can't tell the difference between Shasta and name brand soda
812thats because it is one
813"excuse me, i drink only the finest brands of high-fructose bubblewater" -a six.5 figgy fucktard
814I use a prepaid phone
815i DONT use a prepaid phone, that's for poors, instead, i got my friends on this friends and family plan and we all split it - except dave! he never pays up for his share only his line fee!!!!
816Let's share an Amazon Prime account.
817lol if u get ur sugarwater from some third world country that uses corn instead of meeting all ur fat, diabetes and dental plaque needs with cane sugar like satan intended
818ooc please mark your out of character posts with ooc for out of character this is a rp thread tia
819all of my posts have been out-of-character.
820I could make more money, but I'd make less for moving to a higher tax bracket
821*types municipal bulletin to warn citizens about the new immigrant processing center and to keep their daughters supervised at all times* nah sir they dont have books in syria
822i woke up late so I skipped bathing and i just made it on time
823*buys madden every year*
824*has people over to show off new tv*
825she was pretty mad about me spending so much on another gun so i had to let get those expensive boots she wanted
826the head of my department doesnt know my name
827I only play games on a console and those games are exclusively sports related
828gotta spend all the money in my fsa before the end of the year!
829
830*knows how much paycheck is every week*
831i didnt pay $16 to READ a movie!
832*screams at dog that has never once been taken for a walk*
833*screams at child who has never once been interacted with*
834I purchased a ton of Gerber baby food for my tyke this weekend, only the best
835*continues the cycle*
836shit, i got probed in the rp a 5 figgy fucktard thread, now i have to figure out how to pass it off like i was just rping so i still seem cool *grips armrest of Staples office chair, sweats*
837I resent those more wealthy than I, and also those who make less than I! Hopefully I will sooner become the former, than the latter!I write well!
838My boss let me park his Mercedes at the company golf outing last year
839*gets excited over change in beer can shape*
840I work 29.5 hours a week so my company doesn't have to pay for my health insurance.
841I'm at work right now, but all my bosses stepped out so I can use my phone for a couple minutes. Can you believe I'm getting paid for this?! Beating the system
842same but instead they ask us to clock in and out 1 hour before we leave and 1 hour after we come in
843*is everyone's dad itt*
844I have a strict budget but sometimes you just gotta live you know? I have a credit card my wife doesn't know about
845ugh, fucking cereal commercials. apparently they got brighter colors in Trix again so i'm going to have to buy the boxed stuff for my little shits instead of the generic bag again.we can't afford this garbage. =(
846*gets paid by the hour*
847When i jack off into the bathroom sink i can't look myself in the eyes in the mirror.
848i have 2 TB of interracial/I AM A FUCKING MORON porn on an external hdd
849sorry folks i had to probe a valued thread contributor bc he had a bad opinion about tap water, one of my many unjust and unwarranted probations.
850was the bad opinion that tap water is okay, or that tap water is only a thing of 5 figgy fucktards
851the latter, unless im operating on a lower irony level which is possible
852since this thread is operating on irony level alpha it's the latter
853get on stevia!!!!!!
854please remember to use <ooc></ooc> tags when necessary. Basic RP decorum
855Going on an OKCupid date tonight, hope she doesn't mind splitting the bill
856*takes public transit*
857*aspires to gentrify, some day*
858*respects the commands of a police officer*
859*is temporarily disgraced*
860the apple earbuds sound way better than any other ones I've used
861boy i sure am excited to cook my own thanksgiving dinner, better go to the grocery store and buy a frozen turkey
862We're gonna start driving to my parents at 5 AM to get ahead of the crowds on the road
863oh so nervous about interacting with relatives who are embarrassed by me, ashamed of me, pity me, or a combination there of
864grandma.... take this $20 back, i swear i don't need it... okay i guess i'll take it now and sneak it back into your purse later hahaha *"forgets"*
865just started driving for uber. gonna make bank!
866A 25% pay raise? Hell yeah I'll uproot the family and move them to Houston! Hell, i've quit three times because they're all shitlords but if they want to keep offering more money...**a friend, literally this morning, who may in fact read this. you're an idiot dude.
867"I made a G today" but you made it in a sleazy waySelling crack to the kids, "I gotta get paid!"Well hey, but that's the way it is
868*times purchases and bills based on when payday is*
869
870I need to stand on an apple box to do this bc I'm a beta manletSmythe fucked around with this message at Nov 23, 2015 around 23:35
871well MY husband is a military intelligence analyst
872im excited for black friday
873sorry man i cant go anywhere for dinner, ive got eight kettles of hamburger casserole at home that i need to knock out before it rots in the fridge
874*gives up on more and more personal agency**attempts to master the art of dishwashing**frames act as a zen virtue to family on facebook*
875*posts photo on facebook of dinner with gf at TGI fridays*
876* posts picture of a monster energy drink, 6 pack of natty ice, baked beans on toast and the black ops loading screen *haha just living the bachelor dream, right boys??
877
878you never forget your first
879went out for margarita happy hour at Applebee's with the coworkers and Karen in HR joked that she doesn't look at any resumes with weird names like "D'Angelo" or "Shan'ni'kwa." LOL
880i pretend to work late so I can use the photocopier at work to make copies of my amway brochures
881I worry that i'll be caught using the copier at work to print off small personal jobs
882ive spend 48 hours total in houston ever and there is no amount of money that would make me want to stay
883I enjoy living in Houston, Texas. I love concrete hellscapes
884the only person in my family who makes 7 figgies does it in houston, never been there, but assume it sucks
885Just financed a new hyundai
886This thread is an unironic mirror into my life as a 5-figster and now I'm crying at work
887I cant believe you don't like going to Ruby Tuesdays or Applebees for half price apps, I mean, you don't know what it is to be american as far as i am concerned
888you could say i'm a real estate investor, i *do* own a time share after all
889I love my hour long morning commute. It gives me lots of time to listen to podcasts in my ford focus
890We get to leave an hour early on Christmas eve. The company really appreciates us
891
892i dont have time to read articles so i keep up on the latest tech news by listening to Leo and the TWIT gang
893it's always nice when comedy bang bang puts out a bonus episode to get me through the week.
894i don't silence my phone at work because i want people to hear the $5 ringtone i bought
895I bought a house in an up and coming neighborhood that's going to be really trendy soon, but can't let my dog outside unsupervised because someone might steal it and use it as a bait dog.
896lol
897bought a matching bedroom set. splurged on the nightstand with built-in cable management.
898the guy at the corner store says these are rebranded cohibas so they can get around the import restrictions
899I just grind my coffee in the store
900starbucks is fantastic because no matter which location I go to around my office it always tastes the same. I'd like to see your fancy coffee shop do that
901cracker barrel is just great, they have such a fun store. all the things on the walls are so neat and you can't beat their green beans!
902bacon
903brb getting lunch at 7-11
904my boss gave me a big raise last week because i've been here for so many years but then the government goes and raises the minimum wage so now they're making the same as me. how is that fair?
905podcasts? i should get into those. can you recommend any? im almost through all the bernard cornwell and brad thor books on tape for my commute
906conglaturation you won the thread
907same but 24 hours and I once lived in dallas(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
908outback? honey we cant...yes, i know its your birthday, but we still have those coupons for sizzler. you like sizzler, right? course ya do
909i decided to pay for plat because i like to pretend i'm part of the upper classes sometimes, you know?
91062% of Americans have less than $1000 in savings.
911I bank with USAA because my dad was in Desert STorm. They save me a lot on my car insurance too.
912i think about dying a lot
913One of my headlights blew out so I drive around with my high beams on so the cops can't tell and don't pull me over. That ticket would be fucking expensive.
914?
915i only buy cheese in singles, goes great with white bread, bologna and miracle whip
916I don't need a full cable package, I can just download my shows off bittorrent
917payday came early this week because friday's a holiday
918Friday most certainly is not a holiday for five figgsmen, you want that day then take pto
919oh my god i remember sizzlerwhat a pile of shit that place washow is it not out of business yet
920ever since Mongolian bbq started bring you a single bowl it just hasn't been worth it
921daryls shit always has too many stems and seeds but he's the only guy i know
922*does shots of expensive amaretto with friends*
923*orders a drink and leaves money on bar*
924the winter just gets so bad here so i bought a landrover. it's got four wheel drive
925whoa that explorer commercial says I'll be invincible but the silverado is made with high strength military grade steel what do i choose
926I give a hearty lol at every commercial that suggests that heavy, high center of gravity vehicles are good in the snow
927*orders guinness, drinks it out of can*
928i can't understand how people would put their children at risk y driving a regular car during the winter
929My kids go to a school where whites aren't the majority
930Just bought a brand new 4k tv. 65 inch Visio! The motion looks awesome and the colors are prefect right out if the box!
931Can't wait to watch the game on this baby! *connects composite cable*
932haha yeah same but I'm glad we managed to get a place with a good public school district. national blue ribbon school baby
933i can't wait for thanksgiving. a hot meal will be nice
934some people have to travel to go home for thanksgiving, but i save a lot of effort by still living in my parent's basement(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
935fuck yes. three p[aycheck month AND black friday.
936I drive a car
937I got my son a laptop for christmas, it's a gateway! the guy at best buy said it was the best laptop in the whole store
938gotta find a new clinic that doc is a fuckin xanax nazi...............................
939woah, where do you work where you can get paid on holidays??
940where do you work where you get pto
941I worry constantly about THOSE TYPES coming onto MY LAND to do crimes.
942It's all in the advertising, baby.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3YGtQ40Qvs
943
944dont forget shoneyshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NorLf7Vd9-8
945since its thanksgiving i decided to treat myself and buy the 3 cheese macaroni and cheese
946*uses a debit card to make all purchases*
947*only credit card in wallet is diner's club
948Just got my christmas bonus this year.. boss was feeling generous, got $50
949So excited, I just bought a new printer, it's made by HP and it prints AND copies.
950
951i post on forums about electronic doo dads all day
952I'm not going to have a phone for a week because I'm selling this one before the new one is released and the prices drop on ebay
953i doubled my consulting rate to $40/hr... lol my clients must think im a really good programmer to pay me so much
954fuck, my flight got canceled because of weather, I got on standby to fly through 3 different airports over the next 12 hours but it's all worth it to make it for dinner
955lmao
956You make $40 an hour???? Guess your paying for drinks tonight!
957did you guys watch mike and molly last night? i loved it
958after dinner we're getting in line at best buy for those awesome black friday deals
959I'm going to Black Friday to buy a video game for $20 because I couldn't afford to buy it when it came out
960black friday mailer just came in!! yea!! *breathes deeply* i can smell the new car smell already
961my f150 has leather and wood, it's just as luxurious as my bosses 328i
962my wife and I are doing our own renovations, she gets a walk in closet and granite countertops and I get a man cave
963lets all buy lottery tickets
964I change my own oil
965that quack's flu shot gave me irritable bowel disorder *upends dumpster full of cheese and sugar into mouth*
966i know a great chiropractor, ill give you his number
967
968ugh this place better have a gluten free menu. *orders a pitcher of sam adams*
969wtf IS diner's club for anyway
970six shots of fireball please
971did you see Luke Bryant do the halftime show at the Cowboys game today? that's good country music right there.but when they got the cheerleaders up on stage you know they told him to dance with the black one so nobody would say he's racist**actual quote from cousin
972they basically invented credit cards but no one has one now. they are "charge cards" not what you usually think of as credit cards, you pay them off in full each month instead of carrying a balance. amex owns that market now.
973hm, yeah, i am nearly 100% amex and pay in full every month despite having a credit limit on the cards, where they would work like standard credit cards..I just never really considered diners club, like, i've seen the logo on restaurant check billfolds but that's it.do they even advertise?
974i have unironically referred to a man's testicles as his "brovaries"
975Tried to lease but they said my credit wasn't good enough bc of that time I went bankrupt from medical bills. I was able to buy one though with 0% down so guess I got the last laugh
976please use a coaster, grandma. that glass coffee table is brand new
977i stood in line for 10 minutes to return a $10 item at a retail store because my time is worthless
978shauwne? shauwne dear they restocked the tsao chicken at the buffet, pretend you're getting some more for yourself and fill up this tupperware before the attendant comes backyoung man then MAYBE you can start paying for your birthday Golden Corral visits for yourself just scoop up the fucking chicken shauwnebecause they won't suspect a 7-year-old now get moving
979
980I don't even own a television
981uh bluuuuh i use an ipad because i like big icons because i am illiterate and can not work a keyboard
982savage
983unatco?*goes to work on thanksgiving day* at least there's no traffic and my boss won't be there so i can just fuck around on my phone all day
984i paid all my monthly bills on time so to reward myself im gonna buy some star wars action figures
985i can't believe i was able to get such a good deal on the undercoating, tire sealant, and upholstery protection on the used bmw 3 series i just leased.
986i'm on a first name basis with all the collection agencies
987I put my money in a savings account
988I manage my own money to any degree instead of having a wealth management firm built by my robber baron father/grandfather do it.
989Oh my debit card got denied? Huh, just gimme a sec *transfers money between accounts on smart phone*
990*makes a distinction between debit and credit when buying something*
991
992*has to pull out a calculator and check a calendar before buying anything near the end of the month*
993I'm so glad my bank has an app, I can make sure I'm not maxing out my credit card
994No, savage
995that smell? it's my ferrets, you kinda get used to it after a while
996Lol @ some new money fuck who actually met the person who worked at some point in their familyI'm still spending money from 1892
9972.99 for an iphone app??? ill post a one-star review and teach em a lesson
998with android you don't need to pay for apps
999I can't wait to file my tax return, it's like getting free money!
1000i have a utilikilt, for work around the house
1001gonna pick up some Popeyes on the way home and surprise the wifey
1002I'm fat and diabetic but McDonald's sweet tea is just one of those things I like to treat myself with in the mornings
1003premium channels are free this weekend!
1004LED tvs look amazing too. Insane that these things only use ~$38 of electricity every year
1005I sure do enjoy those dennis leary truck commercials, once I cash out on draft kings I'm gonna put a down payment on one.
1006my huge, white, spotlessly clean pickup truck that sees no use other than my commuting to the office daily is not in any way a statement about my virility. i also don't understand why you see its "Harley Davidson Edition" badge funny or ironic. Fast motorcycles and working mans' trucks are goddamn american traditions.
1007got the loudener pipes installed on my hog. gonna go set off some car alarms
1008*complains about gas prices*
1009I dont have anything against homos personally, as long as they aren't coming on to me
1010can't wait to show off the curved display on my new galaxy s6 edge plus to my nephew at dinner. he's gonna be so jealous
1011i am shorter than 6 feet
1012well that was a delicious dinner out, all there is left to do now is wait for the check
1013
1014come check out my new flatscreen!
1015My tv bezel is plastic and greater than or equal to 1 inch.
1016I can't afford that
1017It's above my paygrade
1018extended warranty!? how could i lose!?
1019applecare? what do i look like, a sucker?
1020Nexus 6 does everything an iPhone can do and more for half the price unlocked. iPhone's price is a brand tax, not an indication of quality. It's still a good phone of course.
1021so check it out you know how I was looking for gigs on Craigslist? there's this dude who's gonna pay me money to simply reroute packages for him! I dunno man I don't think he's very smart for paying me to do this lol all I'm doing is taking the package he sends, opening it up and shipping whatever's inside to somewhere else. he's paying me like five bucks a package too he's definitely not good with money. haha yeah can't believe it either right? just got my lucky break
1022in my OkCupid profile i describe myself as self-actualized.
1023it's kinda ridiculous that extra cheese counts as an additional topping
1024i fucking love top gear, too bad they fired clarkson
1025so worth it though. papa john's skimps on the cheese big time if you don't
1026*more than 50% of daily caloric intake comes from cheese*
1027I think I can make this phone last another year.
1028man hopefully my boss realizes i'm underpaid during review this year. i could really use a raise :/
1029https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=469cPIB3paA#t=5s
1030my political opinions mirror those of my company's CEO, never mind i make %1 of what he does
1031papa johns is a great pizza and totally worth the money
1032oh hell yeah we hit up PJs like three times a week.any pizza that doesn't get delivered isn't worth eating
1033of course chain restaurants are better, how else could they have expanded so much?
1034my friends say im quirky. i use epic to describe things that are really just neat if that
1035I vote republican.
1036My neighbors always steal the packages I get from Amazon
1037
1038i buy individual stocks because i have good insights on the marketall those index fund people are idiots
1039i just closed on a 5-year ARM, but i can just switch it to a 30-year once that promotion comes in. besides the market's got nowhere to go but up!
1040I didn't have a cellphone growing up, so my kids don't need one either.
1041my dog has fleas and scratches constantly but frontline is just so pricey yknow?
1042$20? i dunno, seems like an awful lot for a haircut
1043i go to harbor freight for all my power toolsi mean sure the miter saw wobbles and bounces a bit but it still cuts just fine
1044ive been using edward jones to manage My Money for years, and Jimmy at their office in the minimall is so friendly and trustworthy! you get what you pay for!!
1045your average five figgie fucktard isn't gonna have any savings to manage this day and age garbage retail money managers are for stupid low six figgie fucktards
1046im protestant, and so is my belligerent terrier
1047Honey, tell your son to clean up the mess in his room!
1048when i'm driving my lifted pick-up truck i always slow down to 1mph when going over speed bumps
1049I'm a five figgy maker and i VOTE
1050i'm stuck making 5 figgys because Obama put the economy in a leg iron to tax businesses to pay for our welfare for transgendered people and to fund all those fucking abortionsif he'd let the free market sort itself out i'd probably be making 120k-ish as a supervisor at the warehouse
1051Who needs all ten digits anyway, i mean, I ain't uppity or nothin
1052sorry guys can't go out tomorrow, every other Wednesday is gettin busy night with the missus
1053i can still use 7 digit dialing to call local phone numbers
1054yard work
1055henry when's your goddamn son gonna clean up all the dog shit in the backyard
1056*leaves dog leashed to stake in backyard all day*
1057why the fuck isn't she picking up i told that bitch she needs to be home by 11
1058abloobloo i can't enjoy my retirement bc my body has been broken by decades of manual labor / wars
1059i joined the army and all i got was this t-shirt, $1k/week for 4 years, and life-long mental illnesses
1060i enjoy being chewed up by the capitalist machine it's my duty as an american
1061my heinous shits caused by my poor-man's diet forces me to defecate at work so that my stew won't be-foul my lady's honker. i walk around with a thin layer of feces around my anus bc i don't have a private bidet at my office, why i barely have an office at all
1062america is a meritocracy
1063let me tell you about my crazy weekend in vegas
1064dude derrick's bachelor party is on a cruise? there's no way i can swing that especially with his destination wedding in aruba
1065just put it on a credit card, mine were all maxed out so i applied for a %0 intro APR and put it all on there
1066i make 5 figures and my company matches my 401k at 40% uncapped this is a really good idea as long as you don't end up with too many credit cards(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
1067it's a five figgie boomerthe balance is $2190.69
1068i think i might make it to my next paycheck without using a credit card, maybe. assuming the cats don't get sick again
1069so what if the dog dies we'll just get the kids a new one from the pet store
1070don't buy from a pet store... the neighbor's dog got into my yard a while back and knocked up the imbred mutt i keep chained out there rain or shine, i'll sell you one of the puppies for cheap
1071my cat is having kittens AGAIN! we are so blessed lol i am such an animal lover please let me know if you'd like one of the kittens, reasonable prices
1072I got laid off from my ultra hip startup and now I'm a temporarily disgraced 6-figgionare
1073i am 5 figgies deep in debt due to a college education that leaves me struggling to make ends meet in the wealthiest nation on earth, but i am sure mine is a temporary condition that'll improve aaany day now
1074I'm going on a cruise.
1075"no you can't play with these star wars toys. daddy is buying them as investments to pay for your college education"
1076i'm the dad with the child that doesn't realize the toys i'm buying by the cart full are for myself, not her
1077mr. apollo yours was so good that it banged around in my head and came out basically the same
1078i just came up with an epic lifehack - if you die without any next of kin, nobody ever has to repay your debt right?
1079not like your family would be able to pay them off anyway what with OBAMAS absurd estate tax
1080i haven't read a book since high school English class but this kindle was 30% off on cyber Monday
1081I saved my college ID from 2008 so I can get the student discount at the movies
1082i go to movie theaters
1083lomarf
1084I bought this cool big watch at the mall. The timer thing is fake but you can't really tell at a distance.
1085i fucking love science! yeah!!
1086I've never owned a suit. Just never saw the need.
1087I could be rich if I really wanted to.
1088I got mine at men's warehouse I know $500 is a lot to pay for clothes but I can suit up like barney stimpson and the ladies love it "I guarantee it"
1089ugh i can't believe this shitty bar doesn't have any blueberry stoli
109045 minutes to an hour? *looks at rest of party* sure, we'll wait
1091*brings good beer to party as a joke*
1092lets split in to two groups to avoid paying the compulsory %20 gratuity for parties over 5
1093um no i dont go into the city, especially at night
1094I go to the mall.
1095green energy is seriously just a scam. all those people paying out the ass to install solar panels are idiots: electricity is electricity no matter where it comes from. i'm happy to just keep getting it out of the socket, thanks.
1096i like all music, except country and rap lol
1097i got a deal on 5 air conditioners, it's way cheaper than central air
1098Central air is more expensive, complex, and the ducting can take up a lot of valuable space. Ductless systems for each room with shared compressors outside is actually the most efficient configuration.
1099please just fix the furnace today, i'm happy with my AC service for the moment
1100wtf, this movie has subtitles!?
1101
1102I have to pay and cook my own food? Korean BBQ sucks.
11032 more solid years and I'll be able to post in the "RP a shitbag HENRY ITT" thread
1104i read others' posts in yospos
1105they call this art? my children could paint this!
1106if you'd like to watch something feel free to peruse my extensive dvd collection
1107
1108jailbreak iphone for free games
1109i pirate media, its okay if i get sued into oblivion bc i don't have anything of value
1110i don't know what the word "investment" means. i think it means "buying a car"
1111http://arstechnica.com/business/201...-knockoff-polo/Buy drugs on tor and ship to your home? CRIME.Buy drugs on tor and have them shipped to an "art" museum? ART.
1112Brb starting an artistic white sex slavery ring for artisticness and artfulness
1113this is my favourite thread in a long time
1114It's just like every other cjs, not really special
1115i love getting family members $25 gift cards to best buy for their birthdays
1116I don't know what the word Lomarf means.
1117Why pay $60 for something when I get just spend a few hours on tracker sites to download a cracked version without multiplayer?
1118its a discount supermarket on the east coast smythe
1119
1120i want to go to the theatre/ballet/symphony but i'd have to dress up. fuck that
1121This music is just like people talking over a beat, any dumbass could write it. Now Garth Brooks...that man is an artist
1122brb trying to find a tie to wear, gonna try to trick the porsche dealer into giving me a test drive
1123this restaurant serves mighty small portions
1124like my new Otter Box? it comes with an extended battery pack!
1125same but dressing down cuz im not east coast and all the rich people dress in jeans/tee with socks in sandalsthis means i gotta take my geek squad tie and shirt off
1126i just don't like the taste of water, you know?
1127i had a friend who worked at a bmw place iirc the saying was "he won't buy if he wears a tie"
1128*pulls polo shirt and brown loafers out of the closet for anniversary dinner*
1129Well sure I don't have health insurance or a retirement fund, but I might never get the chance to spend 6 weeks in Europe again! I'd rather have memories than the money anyway
1130
1131this trough of beans, rice, and velveeta was a great value at $8.95!
1132you're gonna love this secret recipe*pours a can of condensed soup in slow cooker*
1133Water? Like out of the toilet? Don't be silly we have plenty of sweet tea
1134shotglass collection
1135Coffee machine? Nah, I just drink instant coffee.
1136It really matches all my empty liquor bottles on top of the cabinets. I like people to know I drink the expensive stuff like crown royal
1137wow really? i love my Kuerig
1138lifehack: the fake velvet crown royal bags are great for storing used twist ties, rubber bands, bottle caps, corks, and bits of string until you can reuse them
1139i just park my car in the grass
1140i have a great idea for an app
1141me too. the great part about it is how i don't have to get my bucket dirty when doing an oil change, it just goes straight in the ground LOL
1142I got a new couch for the living room from Rent A Center so I put the old one on my front porch
1143this isn't the 4 figgy thread lol since I have good credit so I just got my sectional set financed at ashley
1144http://www.somethingawful.com/comed...om-renttoown/1/still a great and horrifying read
1145im having a yard sale this weekend
1146wow you're getting fleecedmy office has free coffee why would I drink anything else? powdered creamer is just as good as the real thing. better, probably, i bet it's healthier.
1147
1148do it, he's fun
1149lol
1150he went to Jared's!
1151
1152rip kevintoo pleasurable for this world
1153quoting an actual 5 figgy fucktard in the RP thread is cheating
1154shit sorry
1155wait- you don't have any roommates?
1156Donald Trump really understands the plight of the little guy
1157Black Friday is a great time to get a deal on a tv that looks great
1158come over sometime and you can check out my new bose system
1159Yes, please box up the rice and what's left of the soup
1160you really make that much? how much is that per hour?
1161every other friday, my boss lets me leave 30 minutes early and he clocks me out on the timecard machine
1162I wish I only had 5 figgy debt, alas my private BS CS (top 50)
1163My BS CS
1164*drives a japanese car*
1165so you're the one who made the "clay" my dad had to excavate when he was rebuilding the lawn
1166i'm glad uber disrupted the taxi industry and made it almost affordable
1167
1168Jeff Immelt shook my hand after my manager's boss told him how much I hoped to meet him in person. So humbled by the kindness and leadership displayed by this wonderful CEO.**actually posted on facebook by someone i know
1169
1170i own a pitbull
1171they tore down some old building downtown and we're finally getting a jimmy johns
1172why wouldn't you like applebees no matter where you go you can get exactly what you like
1173you don't have bud light what the fuck kind of bar are you
1174i fucking love good whiskey *does shot, shudders uncontrollably*
1175I bet it's jack Daniels too
1176lol
1177
1178I live in the suburbs and need a new car. I'm thinking a suburban or maybe a lifted f350 turbo diesel
1179i got a riding mower for my 1/64 acre yard
1180
1181*leans in close and whipsers* i can barely pay my finance charges! *flips burger*
1182I have to get out for Black Friday and be first in line. poppa needs a new tv real bad
1183buy it for life
1184awe... my boss rejected my time card because IT said I logged in 7 minutes later than my arrival time. *works in a call center* *has a college degree*
1185I'm homeless
1186you wanna know how i could afford it, bill?*leans in close*its a floor model
1187:buys 14 boxes of frozen meals: welp there's lunch and dinner for the week
1188*lives in county with top 5 best tap water in the world**buys 4 cases of bottled water a week*"how else would I bring water to work?"
1189this post brought me great pleasure, zen death robot
1190*turns down thermostat* just put on a sweater if you're cold
1191I don't eat lunch. I just abuse the free coffee in the break room to hold me over until I get home.
1192*gets really excited when a customer visits the office because there will be leftover shitty catering to pillage*
1193
1194i'm trying to lose weight right now, so i'm not taking cream with my lunch.
1195god dammit this entire thread is me, it's all me
1196lol
1197i ate like a fucking king when we had our week of six sigma training. breakfast and lunch, every day
1198that aspartame will kill you, that why i only drink full calorie coke
1199I think that inflatable lawn decorations are a perfectly tasteful look for the holidays and I bet my neighbors are jealous.And why would they need to match? the more you have the more festive, right? toy soldiers next to the nativity scene next to those white deer things with white lights on the roof and colored lights on the trees, plus some enormous fake poinsettias? fucking class, man.all of which takes second billing to my 24/7/365 american flag, rain or shine.
1200today i ate a banana. if i get desperate i'll buy a snickers from the vending machine, but i'm trying to save money.
1201
1202:audibly scoffs in the office when a client delivers an edible arrangements arrangement for a holiday thank you:
1203
1204the CEO says times are tight this year. i guess we should be appreciative of our holiday bonus of a bag of microwave popcorn and a $5 blockbuster gift card. things will be better next year!
1205the CEO just sent out invitations for the company holiday party. Oh wow, it's at his new multi-million dollar house he just built and it's going to be catered. This should be really fun!
1206so what did you vote for for the christmas party? the italian lunch was pretty tempting but i'm not gonna lie it's been a while since i've been bowling and that sounded like a lot of fun.
1207the CEO deserves the $54 million bonus because they made the hard decisions about lay offs and cut backs this year that kept the company in business
1208
1209:overhears drunk management at the holiday party howling laughing about how they hired that new idiot at such a low salary and they agreed to it, even though their salary is more than yours: Maybe next year is the year I'll ask for a raise.
1210I'll just replace single tires as they get bad/worn down.
1211man i really like macaroni and cheese
1212we managed to get a week's worth of groceries for $50as long as we only eat once or twice per day and only eat a small bowl of macaroni
1213Italian is ok if it's pizza or lasagna but I don't really like ethnic food
1214work catered thai food for black friday, so i had it for breakfast lunch and dinner then had leftover thai the next day for all three meals
1215[depending on state] hey don't throw those bottles out I can return them for 5 cents eachrecycling is a scam I just throw everything away and save the trouble of sorting through itthe dump is too far away so I just burn trash in my yard
1216Notice to all Employees: The cabinets storing all spare keurig supplies are now locked. Please do not attempt to open the cabinets."Aww man, that was my weekend coffee!"
1217job creators deserve to make that much money, and it's socialism to suggest otherwise
1218I could never live in a neighborhood with an HOA, always telling you what to do with your property. *has 14 derelict cars on front lawn*
1219My wife always brings her extra large purse to the movies so we can sneak in candy and soda
1220*peers through venetian blinds with binoculars* honey, the curtains those new neighbors put up don't look to be on the approved color list, I'm going to bring this up at the next HOA meeting
1221Professional athletes are so overpaid, as a high school geometry teacher my job is far more difficult and important
1222*emptyquotes entire thread*this, but unironically
1223ooc: you had to get one wrong eventually
1224:during all-hands meeting: Heh, I'll just spend my HSA on condoms.
1225*votes libertarian*
1226my wife and i didn't have a fancy wedding because we had to get married before she got kicked off her parents' insurance
1227my boss clocks me out before making me clean if i'm closing up the shop
1228i have to work late over all if xmas break if we don't hit our goals than i wont get all of my 3% bonus
1229i'm a millennial
1230Yeah it really hurts but the company needs me so here i am
1231we have employee evaluations coming up and the boss made sure to mention this year's inflation rate in the email
1232it'll probably go away on its own and i dont have the money to go cause the irs claimed all my fsa
1233we won the big account so we're going out and our director is buying the first round! all those late nights paid off
1234i've been thinking about selling plasma so that i can afford to buy xmas presents this year but the people at the plasma place are just so trashy you know?
1235https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cktzCVzhNu0
1236https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20fYY6JnivQ
1237high taxes and government regulations are what's keeping me out of the 1%
1238Yes I'll have a number 7 combo, large, with a Diet Coke
1239laptop's in the shop
1240email aint working right
1241I had to assemble all my furniture
1242the navigator and excursions are nice but i was hoping for something a bit bigger because i feel safer when i can see above the crowdof course i'm getting the motorized step-up option
1243that's why i told my boss to keep the cost of living raise this year, meanwhile my coworkers all took the bait. when those suckers see their tax bill i'm not going to say i told you so... too often
1244ooc: around here all the nice neighborhoods have hoas otherwise you live in an apartment, or an SFR where your neighbors participate in dog or cock fighting or get wasted and test their race engines at 3:00 am. But I'm in the south so ymmvrp: Actually,
1245
1246i know, hun, it's a contract job. but if I work hard enough, they might hire me permanently!
1247It's great being self-employed. Being my own boss is totally worth it *gets yelled at for being 2 minutes late*
1248my boss gets an automated nastygram if I badge in any later than 08:59:59
1249*one site fails to load*THE INTERNET IS DOWN
1250I was really popular in high school
1251
1252do you know anyone who drives for uber? their ads are all over the radio and it sounds like a sweet deal
1253
1254my son brought a gun to school
1255I have a form of lymphoma that most often responds to chemo, but i dont have any insurance and im broke
1256my wife left me, got custody of the kids and now im alone and sad. is this life
1257why yes I am a gamers edge member and I would like to preorder some games today as a matter of fact
1258i modded my xbox so that when i get games in from gamefly i can copy them and send them back
1259At least you still have your dignity and didn't accept handouts from the government
1260what the hell is "gamers edge"
1261Xbox edition of the Edge browser?
1262oops I looked it up and it's actually the "powerup rewards" program, my bad
1263i'm cool with not getting paid this week. I'm sure my staffing agency will take care of it.
1264a steam account
1265not get paid on time? how the fuck are you going to make rent?
1266it's cool, I've saved up like $1200 for me and the lady to go to cabo next summer I can just dip into that
1267Yeah I got this slick ergonomic new keyboard and mouse at work, its reslly reducing the strain *bought keyboard and mouse with own money*
12685 quiddy fucktard
1269i earn less than 100 000 dollars per year
1270i don't worry about insurance, i just buy everything new whenever it breaks or gets stolen
1271hey i'm looking for someone to take over my lease. it's a nice acura, 28months left, only 9k on the odo with 36k available!
1272I wait for sales before buying things
1273yes ill super size it
1274I want to work at Google
1275I shop at Costco
1276just bought the wife a new designer hand bagyeah it's coach.
1277owning a Rolex is, of course, a major life goal for all men and so having bought this one at crippling expense, i feel fulfilled.
1278son, this quartz tag heuer has been in our family for almost a decade
1279omega is as good as Rolex
1280boy look at my new Swiss watch it is made by tissot which makes Swiss watches in Switzerland
1281just turn off your brain and watch the movie
1282i know its not as good but its fifty cents cheaper
1283
1284i inherited this rolex and i can't afford to have it repaired so i can't sell it
1285"I get overtime on this check woo wooooooo"
1286my parents cosigned my lease
1287I'm on a family plan with my parents to save money
1288lucky, we have to clock out after 8 no matter what but with the conomy the way it is I'm fortunate to have a job
1289*looks up the tap water rankings for his area*
1290all right! january is a three-paycheck month! i can finally pay some bills
1291i'll take the salad to go please Dressing on the side I like it when it spills on my desk and the bottom 3/4th is bone dry.
1292tikka masala lean cuisine? No thanks, I don't care for ethnic foodif you looked up to see if it exists, trap spring
1293ugh, Vancouver is so expensive! #DontHave1Million
1294I respect my boss
1295my boss respects me
1296
1297we were asked to do peer reviews again! i always look forward to this, i know my peers think highly of me and their feedback will surely get me a raise this time.this is a valuable part of my developmental process and I take it very seriously.
1298*logs into web based employee time-clock system to request time off*
1299*is reminded to complete time sheet by the end of the day to avoid the nasty-gram in the morning by this post*
1300it's not really unpaid overtime because im a white collar exempt salary employee
1301all that really matters is that the job gets done
1302this, but with noticeable pride in your inflection
1303you have 4 weeks of vacation? wow... must be nice...
1304if you look at the total compensation, not just salary, it's actually pretty dang good
1305there are some worthwhile it job postings on craigslist
1306I've gotten all my jobs off craiglist
1307ive got multiple comptia certs
1308I once had a fellow employee at the same level/job get mad at me for going into overtime by an hour
1309I wear pleated khakis
1310I dressed up as "Jake From State Farm" for halloween because everyone says I look so much like him, haha
1311'your first workshirt is free'
1312I have favorite characters from commercials
1313someone in my apt building did this
1314erin esurance
1315And you get a new one every year, got my eye on the nike polo from Cintas, looks sharp
1316"workshirt" is a word that i use
1317I have one system to request and another to report time taken, both are not connected and both are pretty much ignored. The 7 figgy people get really pissed about late time sheets though.My team gets late time sheet errors from a different system built upon JIRA, we just ignore them and they build up.
1318"Are you going to the office Christmas party?"
1319I love sushi
1320you guys don't think my husband is cheating on me right
1321I think I'm just gonna bite the bullet and move in with my girlfriend. I know she lives in the next city so my commute is gonna be an hour and a half each way but we've been dating for three months now and have had some real good chemistry going when we've gotten to see each other. it's that or take a chance with a craigslist roommate and ha- yeah right. just wish my roommate would consider having his girlfriend move in but heh *hand gestures whip* am I right??
1322I refuse to be ordinary
1323Live, Laugh, Love ??
1324Aw geeze Great Clips has a 25 minute wait. At least they have a Men's Health from last year
1325Nice! Got a print that on my wall, in 3 different cursive fonts!
1326please rate us on itunes
1327hey so could you teach me how to code or maybe somewhere where I could teach myself? really think I'm ready to change things up. I could pay you, of course. well- I think maybe it'd be easier if I brought food maybe? my wife makes some real good lasagna I could bring that
1328Hey I found this Groupon for a code school in town
1329i got a knockoff watch band for my ? watchits not bad
1330i got a really sweet idea for a video game, do you think you could code it for me?
1331hey, want to be facebook friends?
1332I love teling my cowoekrs about the lifehacks i read on twitter, they seem really interested by each one i rbirng up. ialso like to rmeind them that theyre from this cool site called 'lifehacker'. they come upwith these cool usful things heres naother one
1333Brookstone catalog came in today, looks like I can start my Christmas shopping
1334Golf? Like on a course? Why not just go to the driving range? We can sink a few beers and try to hit the ball like Happy Gilmore, that's all the best parts of golf with none of the crap!!!
1335I'm 30 today, bring in everyone!* Enters Luigi, Princess, Toadstool...
1336this but irl
1337i bouht my clubs at Goodwill
1338good will is a great place to buy clothes, shoes, furniture and books. i don't know what bed-bugs or silverfish are. a buddy of mines cousin once found a dime bag in a suit jacket, thats enough reason right there to try some stuff on
1339hey, where are you going? there's a lot of money to be made for good ideas!
1340gonna head down to jc penney and get a nice headshot to put on the intranet. maybe i'll finally make a linkedin too
1341rip dime bag
1342i believe in American Exceptionalismedit- and here's a picture of my truck.Iridium fucked around with this message at Dec 2, 2015 around 08:22
1343damn it, i have to go to the laundromat and clean my work uniform before my shift tomorrow
1344gonna head to the bathroom lock myself in the handicapped stall and have a good 15 minute silent body-wracking cry to recharge my batteries
1345this is the year my twitch channel is gonna take off I know it
1346are we having Christmas at my house this year?
1347i'll bring a covered dish
1348I can't work night shifts because my baby daddy can't watch my infant son at those times
1349I have snow tires I can go 70 on the snowy highways no problem, ya fuckin idiot
1350*goes to higher end restaurant*"do you have bud light on tap?"- my dad
1351ive got all wheel drive so I don't need snow tires
1352I'm so excited about my new Jeep Patriot!!
1353the tire shop stopped selling used tires after an expose showed how dangerous they are, so now i got my snow tires for free. lol, thanks suckers
1354dont buy a new car battery, just scrape the plates off and fill it with fresh battery acid
1355I know how to jump a car. you just connect black to black and red to red*kills my alternator because the battery terminals were different colors. *thanks dad
1356This, but only after listening to the waitress list the other 37 beers available first
1357lol did you hear that guy order a michelob light "in a cup"? the boys in the kitchen are gonna love to hear about this. hey guys lmbo do we have any "cups" back here???
1358a 15% tip is reasonable. I mean the minimum wage is already too high.
1359this thread is seriously awful
1360gas please
1361*buys house from illegal immigrant friend under the stipulations that the friend still lives there and pays rent* *guy sells and immediately cuts contact and runs**just lets the house foreclose*my dad is really making good choices in life
1362Looks like someone doesn't have to rp to post here! Haha. The 5 figgie fucktard thread is this way
1363target is so much nicer than Walmart
1364*says "memes" in real life*
1365maymays
1366if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best
1367*has bumper sticker that says "my kid would kick your honors kids ass!" *
1368i will have a hamburger, medium rare
1369That's part of my 30 line email signature at work except it's in different colors and font sizes and comic sans
1370hmm "personal branding for dummies" is on sale...
1371can you actually get snow tires for a Jeep Wrangler?
1372FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: RE: you WONT BELIEVE where I saw Jesus
1373thank god for working in academia where none of this shit happensi get to enjoy watching the antagonistic relationship between our university president and tenured facultyit's like havnig a CEO but everyone under him hates him and collectively has veto power over everything he wnats to do it owns
1374the new call of duty is good
1375Oh they have a copy of Sun Tzu on sale too. This will look great on the bookshelf in my cubicle I never read anything from.
1376cant wait to see how much my tax refund is this year!!
1377I work in academia but I'm not a coach or a professor
1378*spends on new tv to replace the one from Black Friday that already broke*
1379nah I don't like LL Bean
1380i purchase things on impulse, i know i shouldn't but how can you resist this pez dispenser?
1381i am roughly 95% of posters on somethingawful.com and i exhibit biases that are actually self defeating? lol
1382cars are just too much effort! that's why I ride the bus
1383Gay people make me uncomfortable
1384im prideful about my car and all the bullshit it takes to own one
1385My road bike costs less than $4,000
1386I'm an independent and i have not made my decision on who to vote for
1387ooc: shaggar plz do not shaggar this thread
1388I can't get off work to vote
1389as an undecided independent voter i am the most important demographic and all candidates will cater to me
1390only poor people and crazy homeless ride busses, I'd rather spend 2 hours in a car than 15 minutes in a bus
1391i googled "personal finance for dummies" today.
1392should i get Personal Finance for Dummies, or Personal Finance In Your 20s for Dummies.
1393i think it should be called "Personal Finance For Dummies In Their 20s," but it's not called that. it's called Personal Finance In Your 20s for Dummies.
1394*buys a book about writing resumes and cover letters*
1395depends, are you making 20-30k?
1396Poor people shouldn't be allowed to vote. In this day and age if you work hard you can get a degree from the university of Phoenix like me and get a great job as a customer service rep so you don't have any excuses
1397ooc: personal finance for dummies is a good book if you don't know shit about money, reading it when I was 18 helped prevent me from making all the 5-figgionaire financial mistakes everyone in my family made and continue to make
1398now if only i could send it back in time to 18 year old me
1399I itemize my deductions.
1400quit smoking? have you seen how expensive nicoderm is??
1401My parents djdnt teaxh me basic money managment skills
1402gonna bring $20 to the casino, it's my fun money so i dont care if i lose it. besides its a great way to get free drinks!
1403my parents rented until they were given a house by my grandparents.
1404I snipe mysef onthe something awful.com forums wich I paid tojoin
1405
1406i attend a university i saw a tv ad for
1407i ate out for lunch today, like i do every day
1408i brown bag it everyday it saves money and i'm at my desk if anyone needs me
1409the wife is trying to get me to eat healthy
1410instead of teaching the quadratic formula, schools should teach basic finance and how to file taxes
1411my live in girlfriend of eight years tries to regulate my drinking
1412flawlessyou've done this before
1413my workout regimen involves DVDs
1414mostly because the only skills they had were waiting until payday! lol!
1415lmao what? throw out my tae-bo movies? get the fuck out of here
1416*spends 30 minutes in the elliptical, sucks down a protein shake *gonna be fit as fuck in no time!
1417i'll still be paying off this treadmill long after it's been folded up in the basement
1418you're doing this wrong I'm a huge prick
1419sheeshof course any fine higher end restaurant like red lobster or olive garden or bennigans will have bud light
1420my assets? * points at wall of dvds*
1421i don't like the way cam newton celebrates.
1422My accountant? Oh I forget his name but he works at H&R; block
1423"ideally your refund should be zero since that money should have been in your account already.""......what??? what are you talking about."
1424this fucking bullshit I paid like $20,000 in taxes this year and my refund was only $3,000! OBAMA must be keeping my $17,000 in his pocket
1425your refund was only $50!? Looks like you're not working hard enough dude!
1426oh, I declare 0 so i get more money back at the end of the year!
1427I found what looks like a stellar car deal on Craigslist, the photos all had it up on a trailer but it says it runs, i bet it's just an oil leak or something.
1428I listed my mid-90s Chevy Beretta on Craigslist as an antique. That's sure to get it a lot of attention.
1429american cars are great and the car companies deserved their bailouts because they perform a national service
1430this is pretty 5 figgy
1431I drive a future classic, this thing is gonna really appreciate
1432i just fucking love The Minions
1433my car has a rare paint colour it's going to be worth so much
1434i don't live anywhere near an apple store
1435I follow the sports team of a college I did not attend
1436I bank at the same payday loan place that my parents use.
1437i click "share this!" buttons on news articles
1438i identify with and live vicariously through the sports team of a college i attended before any of the players were even born
1439I've never been to the ocean before.
1440i'm scared of terrorism
1441i think the president has the power to pass laws
1442my smartphone is made out of plastic
1443Dave and busters
1444i got a loan to cover the down payment on my car lease
1445lmbo u dumb poor, i got $5k cash back when i leased my car, financed at the same APR as the car. the salesman said it was a good deal, he was wearing a rolex so i think he must be pretty good with money.
1446people have actually done this, havent they
1447Sales rep I had a meeting with yesterday just dropped some playoff tickets off on my desk, nice
1448isis and sharia law are the greatest threat to america
1449u were born an originaldon't die a copy????
1450i dont have a passport
1451whenever i am near someone not speaking english, i am very uncomfortable as i know they are talking about me, an overweight white male
1452ooc our director of architecture and a few other execs around the office went off to Oracle's Open World, where they apparently had an Elton John concert this year.our Oracle rep shows up to a meeting a couple weeks afterwards to talk about re-upping our license stuff (because we basically have all of it). he opens the meeting by pointedly asking each of them in turn how they enjoyed the very nice tickets he got them for the concert. those of us who were present but without the opportunity to attend the concert knew our software choices have already been made for the next few years.
1453but vaccines seem scary
1454I don't have an American Express card
1455but not lead ones, strangely enough
1456same here but i've gotten p good at obscuring my level of drunkenness w/ single word answers and grunts which avoid syllables that i might slurit's useful for home AND work
1457heh i don't even have ANY credit cards. credit is a scam, idiot. just use your debit card for everything. haven't you heard of 'don't spend money you don't have?' i know that's a tough concept for someone with a credit card but just try it out for once.
1458if everyone was allowed to conceal carry then we wouldn't have any more mass shootings
1459i blame video games and liberals
1460I'm gonna go to Panda Express on the way home from work
1461check out the nwe rimz on m ysuburban. Only 9 payments left!
1462longhair dontcare!!!!! luving mylyyfeeeee! ????
1463Hye! nice money lcip. you know ppl with moneoy clips have losts of cash
1464bank account? no way
1465booked some sicky rezos at the cheesecake factory this saturday night with the gf. guess whos gettin some action afterward
1466heh good job owning a depreciating item. I rent my rims
1467ooc: one of my friends was a loan officer at a bank and he has some really depressing stories
1468why waste money on leather when i have a velcro wallet with a big zipper compartment for all my coins?
1469my family are going to love these amazon fire tablets i got inntye ceuyber monday sale!
1470
1471my job won't let me wear my wallet chainit is such bullshit
1472minimum wage should be abolished
1473i can't believe that facist obummer is forcing me to have healthcare
1474why should my tax's pay for some f*cking ILLEGAL to get surgery? impeach that socialist
1475really it was obama's re-election that made me realsise that i am really an anarcho-capitalist libertarian. who cares if i kno literally nothing about economics
1476the Thing that Big Government doesn't really want you to know is that Money doesn't really Exist. lemme show you some youtube vids some time about Fiat Currency...
1477what do you mean it's not spelled "wahla"?
1478sweet, my 401k loan is paid off this week. next month I'm eligible for another one, I think I'll put a down payment on a new car
1479I could have invented flappy bird. hell, I wouldn't have pussied out either
1480i don't care what my neighbors think, i make good money breeding Marjorie, my pitbull, in my backyard. they should be paying me for keeping the neighborhood safe
1481
1482
1483ooc: sticky thread pls
1484ugh I took a day off and the servers aren't even up? why don't they just have a backup server for when they're doing maintenance on the first one? heh, I'll be waiting for my check for this great idea blizzard!
1485well gosh loatax must really need additional money for the forum . as a gbs poster i feel an obligation
1486oh great, now the liberal media has invented assault clothing to ban! I bet it includes the american flag!
1487assault style clothing, what's that, a hijab? a burka? that turban thing the terrorists wear?
1488lmbo if you don't know what assault style clothing or wear it every day. tactical pants with all the pockets and loops and straps are vital for
1489my body can't process grains
1490
1491utilikilt
1492getting shot and dying as a result is an unfavorable outcome for me
1493you see gluten is a toxin and i have to purge it from my sytsm . im doing a special juice detox to purifyh
1494but the sign says crab legs are "all you can eat!"
1495one plate _is_ all you can eat for $8.95. if you want another plate it'll be another $8.95
1496I stand in line on black friday because I secretly resent my family and want to spend as little money on them as possible
1497i buy my groceries from home depot, lowes is too expensive
1498goin on a cleanse.
1499my freakin macbook sounds like a g*d d*mn airplane when im watching tmz videos FFS
1500goin to the AMC Dine-In for the new star wars opening weekend and its going to be epic
1501*smuggles contraband candy in a crinkly wrapper into the symphony*
1502*wears a loud swishy jacket*
1503i love buying albums on vinyl, it just sounds warmer
1504hey, can I get a squirt of your Purell?
1505ha, crazy weather.. one day it's cold, today you don't even need a jacket.
1506can you believe that the idiot manager in our Adams location sent me the authorization form but didn't sign it? it's like, he''s doing this just to screw with me. now it'll take another three days before he responds to my voicemail, and the Christmas party will be ruined.e: sorry, "Holiday" party. don't mean to offend anyone indigi fucked around with this message at Dec 3, 2015 around 07:18
1507i spent like 5 grand turning my 2002 Honda Civic sedan into a hellaflush stanced BEASTyeah, i daily drive that bad boy
1508keep the CHRIST in CHRISTmas
1509*car hasmore stickers on it thanm paint*
1510been doing Kegels at my desk at work dude you should try it, you cum like a fucking fire hose
1511i'm your coworker who's probably 10 years too old to be working this entry level job and i'm paid slightly less than you. my life is constantly set back by poor financial decisions, however slight they may be, and the straight C's I got at the local, mediocre state school. btw, that business degree with a concentration in real estate is finally paying off! i also drive chevy trucks because ford is gay and I'm going to try to make-up a shortfall my monthly debt payments with a pair of little-known daily fantasy sports leagues.
1512I don't understand the reference in this image
1513hey man I got some advanced algos that can really fine tune your lineups for expected points/dollar and optimize your salary cap use.... for example like I bet u didn't know at Draft Kings the top kickers have a higher ep/d than QBs?? the rubes won't know what hit em. just promise you won't use it when you play me and maybe kick me 10% of your winnings the first few weeks cause I set you up. I also have ones for basketball. I'll send u the Excel file
1514my wife and i fart in front of each other on purpose bc its funny XD
1515we ain't got not money, honey, but we got lots of fart laughs
1516*buys frame for certificate of appreciation received from work*
1517boy *place I live* has the craziest weather! well what can you do, that's just *place I live* weather for you *chortles*
1518i worry every day about other people in my cube farm hearing me fart
1519aw yeah casual Friday!
1520I own a thing repaired with duct tape
1521I mean, I Rrelate To You So Much
1522I own a thing made of duck tape
1523+1ouch
1524totally worth donating $5 to charity to participate~or~not going to participate because i dont want to donate $5
1525is $25 appropriate for a bosses day present?
1526i think there's too many regulations getting in the way of job creators!
1527hahaha yeah farts are the funniest noise. i got this sick keychain that makes fart sounds and i use it in the break room when i chat with the warehouse guysedit: if my boss is reading i only use the break room at the allotted time between 11 and 11:20, honest!!!
1528i listen to all of my voicemails and make sure to respond to all of them
1529i appreciate everything my ceo does for us. after all people are the most important resource
1530UGH 5 more minutes till 5:00PM.
1531i work from 9 to 6 because i don't get a paid lunch
1532*complains about having to work paid overtime*
1533a robot will never be able to do my job
1534*doesn't complain about having to work unpaid overtime*
1535management notices people who go above and beyond without complaining. if you want to move up in this biz, you gotta pay ur dues.
1536i roll up the sleeves on all my shirts because they've all got holes in the elbows. except for one of my shirts which i save for days when i have meetings
1537I'm saving so much more money by bringing my own 2-liters of mountain dew to work
1538ooc we have casual fridays for which we're allowed to wear jeans. still have to have the shirt tucked in, still have to wear dress shoes.so of course, not being a 5 figgy fucktard, i work remote and casually jerk off during my morning meetings
1539These shiny black pleather shoes look great with my khaki dockers
1540And these wrinkle-free dockers have a stain resistant coating!
1541haha you're pretty funny. what were you quoting just now? I know it wasn't South Park or family guy
1542*doesn't own any business appropriate shirts with elbows*
1543oh man i just had four retweets! i bet my klout score is amazing!
1544I'm updating my social media.
1545won't be in tomorrow! I'll be working from home*actually works*
1546they got one of those coke vending machines at city hall that gives free coke when you hug it!i'm going there right after work and tweeting ithttp://ottawacitizen.com/opinion/co...ays-health-unit
1547ugh jazz music sucks
1548i check my work email on my personal phone
1549im very uncomfortable with this
1550my favorite movie? easy: The Dark Knight
1551i'm loyal to this brand.... this brand has been good to me...
1552
1553yammer sharepoint skype for business webex not to mention my company's fantastic mobile vpn! so many great ways to stay connected with work and coworkers!
1554lol
1555
1556FUCK! out of data. gonna just meander on over to this starbucks to sned this kyoot little snappy chatty xD
1557sorry I'm home so late. i had to stop at a mcdonalds to use their wifi for an emergency meeting but guess who brought dinner!
1558DOTA is for fucktard nerds. League is a lot better plus it has annie
1559actually, it's really good
1560the holes are from the Depressed Computer Man Posture: one hand supporting chin, one mousing around the 'POS
1561i spoiled myself today with some Five Guys.
1562i use overdraft protection because i do not want to be embarrassed when i reach my debit limit while on a date at the macaroni grillShare Bear fucked around with this message at Dec 3, 2015 around 16:48
1563gas is so expensive, but that's the cost of the freedom of the open road, babyyyy
1564why are my taxes so high, it's not like i use any of these services like *squints, reading local newspaper* waste management
1565gas prices aren't going down because of OBAMAS policies they're going down because americans are hopeful for a trump presidency
1566*refreshes drudge report tab*
1567i think the president has direct involvement with gas prices
1568
1569
1570Obama: Hrmm time to manage gas prices, lemme call the bossBush: *rrriiiiinnnng* Hello?Obama: Bush my man. How the oil profits doin?Bush: Great, thanks! Obama: Cool man we good to keep gas cheap for now then?Bush: Ya i'm still working on this last billion from all those oil deaths, shit's good for now!Obama: Word, catch ya later.
1571used all but one of these todaybecause weeks ago we replaced yammer with Jive
1572ooc: lol you poor sucker. sharepoint is the fattest juiciest turd I've worked with in a long time. we have yammer but i've never use it and wouldn't know how to get started
1573
1574yammer was so bad even our corporate communications people hated it. but they also kind of installed it initially with no guidelines or intent or launch announcement, so it just got a trickle of usage at best.otoh, i don't have to actually maintain the sharepoint anymore, so the worst of it I get is the slow ass load timesbut back in character I LOVE the tasking in sharepoint! Really helps me on the projects I manage. I can send out one blast email with a click to all the people i've randomly assigned to tasks and force them to update on status real-time! almost makes a PM like me obsolete!
1575sweet! the office christmas party is at medieval times
1576if I don't bring a plus one to the holiday party, maybe I can get an extra dinner to-go
1577fashion hack: black running shoes are a lot more comfortable than dress shoes and no one can tell the difference!
1578
1579my wife got me and the kids some sweet new sketchers at dsw
1580hell yeah
1581im a gamerPCjr sidecar fucked around with this message at Dec 3, 2015 around 18:47
1582i can hardly wait for my 5 year anniversary at work because i'll get a gold colored name tag
1583gosh this printer is heavy but it'll be worth it
1584i own a home printer
1585i just use the printer in the business office of my apartment complex
1586
1587i'm glad there are laws about not turning off electricity in winter. that means i can defer my electricity bills until march and go on a payment plan if it's a lot.
1588ooc I set up a printer at work today and it was fucking heavy
1589
1590i wear short sleeve dress shirts with a tie
1591i usually go with converse all-stars instead of leather shoes. i just like putting my own spin on things plus leather shoes are really uncool.
1592we're pregnant!!!
1593i suffer from a chronic but treatable condition because i can't afford not only the surgery, but the recovery time. i need to maintain my employment to provide for my dependents, including my own mother who suffers from early onset dementia and my developmentally disabled adult son. i used to make a little extra cash on the weekends working for a moving company, schlepping boxes and stuff for college students - but i threw my back out so now I can't do that. Along with my something, not sure what, torn something in knee I can't do that anymore. Overall, I wish I could get it fixed and make some more money again, but I can't. I tightened our collective belts years ago when I first got hurt and I've never been able to let in some slack. It gets harder every year, but I love my family. I love them. I will, would, and have - do everything for them. Some morning, I'm so sore from the unending chores. From changing my mothers bed pan. From physically restraining my strong, like his father, son. Some days at work, my wrists and fingers hurt so bad from the RSI that I just let my arms hang limp at my sides and I can feel the pain draining out of my fingers. SOmetimes, I imagine that if I could let some of the bad poisoned blood run from my fingertips the blood would take the pain with it and I would be free. I know that's not the case. I know I must endure. Because I love my family.
1594I love my family.
1595
1596i wish the onion would put a tag or something on their posts so i can tell it's a joke before ranting on my nephews facebook wall
1597I appreciate that my bank / 401k investment firm / health insurance / car insurance / utility companies / any store i've ever been dumb enough to provide my email address to / etc. sends out newsletters and updates, and I read all of them with great interest.
1598pray that trump gets elected so he can make america great again!!!
1599yeah this bar... um uh my wife won't let me uh*nervous laughter* at my job i um shit
1600
1601yammer is mandatory at my 180k+ employee international company. its a huge shitshow but you actually get dinged by management if you dont post 1x/day on yammer so we have people using it like facebook now and posting about their hobbies so they dont get a stern letterin character:I can't wait for my end of year review! I really showed the boss how much value I bring to the company this year!!! *gets a "average"*
1602I'm socially liberal but fiscally conservative.
1603God bless our troops.
1604sweet, my boss just gave me his kid's old blackberry so he can always reach me. it's nice to know i'm valued so much. now i just need to shop around for a phone plan...
1605God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy
1606donald trump is rich and that means he is smart and knows whats best for the country
1607im fiscally liberal but socially conservative more military funding!
1608I don't understand why so many people think Caitlyn Jenner is brave when our boys overseas are putting their lives on the line every day
1609*takes slug of beer, looks down gun sight at obama target* furthermore...
1610wow tough day at work time to go post in the something awful retail thread
1611
1612in character:i'm this guy
1613chromebooks are on sale at costco!!!
1614hey have you thought about driving for uber? I've been reading this article in wired and they seem like just the thing. I'm probably getting ahead of myself here but you may end up quitting your job to work for this startup full time. they're crazy awesome. you're not gonna believe an opportunity like this is even possible nowadays let me send you a link
1615you don't even have to worry about buying a car. you can rent a car from enterprise and use that to drive for uber. it's win-win!
1616i feel insecure enough at my job that i routinely work to blame others for my screwups.
1617*spanish language commercial plays over terrestrial tv*gggoooddDDDDD DDAAAMNITTTT *hits wife*
1618in college i dated this girl whose little sister got knocked up by a black fellow. when her mom broke the news to her dad he jumped up and punched her mom in the face. they were 4 figgy fucktards and lived in what would be considered squalor outside of the american south east
1619thesouth.txt
1620im having a dilbert kind of day
1621i keep a couple of dilbert printouts pinned to my cube walls for people to read as they walk past.
1622...have you seen that movie idiocracy?
1623
1624Political Correctness is slowly but effectively killing this country.
1625Don't Talk to Me Before I've Had At Least a Gallon Of Coffee
1626
1627*posts tweety bird image macro to fb*
1628I have a plantar wart and it is really fucking annoying.
1629here is a home remedy that you could use,
1630flighty, flirty happy tweety bird? or arms crossed for real sincere real-deal comin thru tweety bird????
1631dilbert''s just, so real, you know?
1632
1633too real
1634https://medium.com/message/god-tier...31ec#.qyi56z3fk
1635
1636My child just shit himself and his face is covered in food. I know I've already shared 4 pictures of him today but I think Facebook would really appreciate another one with a charming anecdote about his now soiled pants.Children are so precious.
1637It's Friday MotherTruckers! Yeah! Woo! aAayayayay It's Friday! aw revwawr work week! Nothing Like A Good Beer on Friday
1638*hit button that plays simpsons sample "are we there yet? NO are we there yet? NO"*huhuhuh we're there now tgif i know i know its friday it is its friday
1639i'd quit smoking, but the patch is so expensive
1640have you heard of e-cigarettes my friend
1641I keep a bottle mouth wash filled with jack daniels in my desk drawer at work
1642Who should I thank? My so-called ``colleagues,'' who laugh at me behind my back, all the while becoming famous on my work? My worthless graduate students, whose computer skills appear to be limited to downloading bitmaps off of netnews? My parents, who are still waiting for me to quit ``fooling around with computers,'' go to med school, and become a radiologist? My department chairman, a manager who gives one new insight into and sympathy for disgruntled postal workers?My God, no one could blame me -- no one! -- if I went off the edge and just lost it completely one day. I couldn't get through the day as it is without the Prozac and Jack Daniels I keep on the shelf, behind my Tops-20 JSYS manuals. I start getting the shakes real bad around 10am, right before my advisor meetings. A 10 oz. Jack 'n Zac helps me get through the meetings without one of my students winding up with his severed head in a bowling-ball bag. They look at me funny; they think I twitch a lot. I'm not twitching. I'm controlling my impulse to snag my 9mm Sig-Sauer out from my day-pack and make a few strong points about the quality of undergraduate education in Amerika.If I thought anyone cared, if I thought anyone would even be reading this, I'd probably make an effort to keep up appearances until the last possible moment. But no one does, and no one will. So I can pretty much say exactly what I think.Oh, yes, the acknowledgements. I think not. I did it. I did it all, by myself.
1643i'm considering getting into sports
1644it'd give me something to talk about with people at work, and maybe even... somtehing to believe in
1645sometimes i cry when my sports team loses
1646i refer to my local sports team using the royal We
1647*posts full screen phone screenshots to facebook and instagram*
1648sometimes when i go to the gas station, i don't fill the tank up all the way
1649I don't know what this "bitcoin" is exactly but my son in law says i can make a huge amount of money off of it so i'm planning to spend all of my tax return on it
1650
1651hell yeah blues traveler is coming to town next week!
1652*posts photos of phone screen to facebook and instagram*
1653*plans out when to use sick days*
1654"*cough* i'm real sick today i don't think i should come in"haha he totally bought it
1655i check an app on my phone to make sure i have enough money to buy something
1656Turns out I don't. I shrug and return my phone to the passenger seat and leave the parking lot of the store I was about to enter to buy things inside of. Just another day of being a 5 Figgy FuckTard
1657bacon
1658*looking at bank balance and doing a bit of mental math* rent + cc bill + cable bill probs real soon, should be fine *bloomp, a text appears from Cindy* err, guess i should add $60 for going out with cindy. damn, gonna need to pull in next friday's check onto this months team. fuck balls
1659i just don't understand why so many climate scientists fall for this global warming hoax!
1660*100% of images posted battery is under 10%*
1661this makes my car lighter which means i use less gas
1662fill your car in the morning when the gas is cold because thermal expansion means you get more gas for ur buck
1663*jiggles every last drop out of the nozzle*
1664she isnt worth it smythe
1665
1666*holds gas hose up so i get more gas due to gravity*
1667$60 on a date? haha damn, can you get me a job there?
1668does anyone know the password to the printer wifi network? I'm almost out of data for this month (fuck) and the regular office wifi blocks youtube and ESPN...
1669i had to blow off this year's company trip to the pirates game because the parking lots only accepted cash
1670my yacht is less than 40 feet
1671i mispronounce "regatta"
1672i eat mostly carbs
1673i try to do better, but there aren't any vegetables in the vending machine.
1674do green m&m;'s count?
1675oh i eat healthy, i drink vitamin water with my lunch
1676chome
1677i pay for porn
1678
1679how dare you quote olin shivers in the 5 figgy fucktard thread
1680i compare large companies'/governments' financial activities to balancing my personal checkbook (also i own a checkbook)
1681trump would clearly be an excellent president because he could run the country like a business
1682ughhhh the manager at b-dubs said they're not going to bring us "only flats" which are the best kind of wing, if they didn't have buckets of five heinekens for $15 this would have ruined my happy-hour
1683
1684
1685lol
1686
1687I'm straight
1688what we Need to do to get tghiose DAMN oil companies to play ball is if everyone doesnt buy gas for ONE DAY it;'ll force them to notice. they cant ignore the gap in there profits. We Need to Take as Tand against these Jackals
1689my vote matters, and is important, and i take it seriously
1690i expect to retire someday
1691i've made good decisions
1692high school were the best years of my life
1693i have an associates degree
1694i keep my change in my wallet
1695my wallet is more than 1cm thick
1696
1697Wore my Harley Davidson zip up turtleneck to date night tonight. looking good
1698oh yeah, the [bloomin onion|endless breadsticks|cinnamon butter] is the bomb
1699
1700https://vine.co/v/hAPmKVY3Z1m
1701I don't believe you. Show me.
1702
1703i still keep the case logic 200 cd wallet full of shit i burned in college on the backseat of my mazda 3
1704half the cds skip pretty bad but I still listen to them
1705does this bluray player support xvid
1706
1707
1708basically, does any single consumer electronic product i can barely afford support xvid? what if i installed a hacked up linux?
1709mmmm can't wait to get xbmc running on this baby
1710I have hope and dreams.
1711I need to buy a case for my new Samsung phone
1712I'm going to save up all of my sick days and use it with my vacation days so I can get 2 full weeks off
1713I don't agree with labor unions
1714I just bought a chevy malibu, a good american car. Always buy American
1715My friends and I are getting together to drink beer and plan our fantasy football leagues.
1716No i will pass on the guacamole for $1.50
1717
1718
1719My BS CS
1720i take the bus to work but loudly proclaim that i am a fiscal libertarian
1721i lease my awesome phone from a phone carrier. people who buy are suckers
1722i ffail to snype my own posts
1723hmmm.. this pitcher of bud light is kind of expensive, i dont know that we need another one, let's settle up and hit the 7/11 and dirnk back at my apartmentoh and we're gonna split the check right?
1724oh yeah i usually wait until the weekend to steal a lot of food from the break room... i mean its free and i _do_ work hard
1725hmmm... why would i buy the apple when I can get a lenovo for $300???gotta spend smart, gotta make it past the 15th
1726i am not great at planning, the accounting class at the community college was boring so i only went twice. yeah im pretty much broke from the 1st - 15th a month since my rent bill is 80% of my paycheck. but it's worth it, I am building up credit and live in a great place!
1727I chose the cheaper health insurance plan. It doesn't cover anything until I meet the $3000 deductible but after that everything's free
1728here check out this hilarious thing from a TV show that I recorded with my phone camera
1729I tried my very best to sit still
1730yeah man but why would you work overtime? all that extra money just goes to taxes
1731I hope my annual raise doesn't put me In a higher tax bracket, because then I'll actually make less
1732
1733it's not like you're going to use it anyway. only other people get sick
1734
1735hell yeah vine owns!
1736im thinking about getting into home brewing
1737At the crack of dawn every day, I crawl out of bed. My bones and muscles are aching; I can't even remember the last time I had a good night's sleep.With all the grace of a drunk elephant, I trundle my way towards the bathroom down the hallway. When the dog stumbles to get out of my way (I still accidentally kick it at least once a month), my wife stirs awake momentarily. She mutters something under her breath about how she wishes her life was different, and how she didn't have two kids with an oaf like me.Today I'm lucky, because I didn't manage to step on any of the kids' toys during my trek to the bathroom. I flick on the light, and my eyes sear in pain to the sudden burst of light. I wince, but at this point, the pain is simply part of the normal morning routine. Once my eyes adjust to the bright bathroom lights (we sprung for LED bulbs at a recent Lowe's sale), I take a full look at myself.My shirt off, I realize that I have the tits of a 120 pound woman in her twenties. For a brief moment, I think back to my wife when we met. Then I notice the array of thick, dark hair that covers my chest, and extends down past my bulging, distended, round belly. Further down from that ball of lard brought on by decades of Milwaukee's Best, I see my stained boxer shorts. The fabric is so worn that it's been rendered nearly transparent. The button popped off some time in 2011, and from the open flap, I can see the tip of my penis sticking out. It's small, and withered, hiding from the cold morning air within its protective foreskin. I reach down to tuck it back in, my hand brushing up against several ingrown hairs that have developed along my shaft.The same hand that fondled my penis now moves up, to brush at my hair. I think the bald spot's getting bigger. With a maudlin sigh, I slip my boxers down to my ankles and sit down upon my freezing, porcelain throne. What begins is best described as a violent, occasionally bloody test of my inner fortitude, as I push out last night's Ruby Tuesday. My daughter's choice, I assure you, as she finally worked her way to a "B" in Social Studies this quarter. If it were up to me, I would have chosen Outback.My thoughts continue as I squeeze out a troubling black mass. I have to be quick. The wife and kids will be up soon, and the cacophony of the day will begin. Until then, in these few precious minutes, I meditate and shit.
1738
1739Local businesses are the worst! I tried one once and they didn't take my Discover! Never again.
1740Think I'll splurge on the cheese plate during the flight. My per diam is only half because its a traveling day but the trip went really well so I should reward myself
1741I cannot believe how much more expensive this local store is over Amazon.
1742I'm cutting the cord.
1743honestly, i've never had a problem with Comcast. it seems like great service aside from the outages, and like all of them will have that. all the haters are just dicks looking for shit to complain about.
1744my license was suspended again for a dui. i still keep driving though, i would be embarrassed to be seen on public transit
1745i drive better when im drunk
1746got my parents to co-sign my car loan
1747
1748Love this vintage Egan Yardley Fail
1749I don't mind working late nights on the weekends, even though I don't make overtime. nobody interrupts my taytay on my earbuds, and it's kinda cool when they turn out the lights. reminds me of the lockins at church when I was a kid.
1750*charges Christmas gifts to credit card**still has a balance from the last 3 Christmases*
1751actually, it's about ethics in gaming journalism
1752i hope this company offers me at least $60k, that would probably be enough for me to move away from my friends()
1753i like living in the suburbs, this way i can have a yard for the kids to play in and it's only a 50 minute drive to work in the morning
1754I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
1755furthermore i am in possession of the muscles required to make that happen
1756
1757home defense gun
1758Home defense dog
1759a giant pitbull named max that i struggle to feed two days before paydayhope u like top ramen buddy
1760as a lower five figgsman i thoroughly identify with the struggles of the higher five figgsman
1761got a new job, pays a bit more hourly AND this job is gonna pay out two weeks of vacation I never usedlooks like im gonna put a dent in that electric bill finally
1762a bad policeman caught daddy in a dui so santa wont be dropping by this year
1763my wife continually makes poor life choices but I'm probably not one of them
1764
1765I only get an hour for lunch
1766just bought some new furniture at ikea
1767paid maternity leave? let me get this straight: you think just because YOU decided to have a baby that the COMPANY should have to pay you to raise it? meanwhile myself as a MAN has to come in and work extra hard to make up for your absence? This is just the same kind of stupid idiotic me me me millenial bullcrap that gave us obummercare and is ruining our society
1768I'm still paying off my student loans. I graduated ten years ago.
1769lol I never thought of it this way. goddammit
1770it's the weekend, so we spoiled ourselves by eating breakfast
1771
1772i found out the girls at work call me "scary jerry" but that's pretty flattering because they almost know my name (my name is jared)
1773being a five-figgy-fucktard is not just a product of income, but a state of mind. a five-figgy-fucktard could be your complacent baby-boomer dad, who spends a significant portion of income every year on halloween decorations, or bought a new truck right after he told you that he won't cosign your student loans. or a five-figgy-fucktard could be your libertarian co-worker, who complains about overtime putting him in a higher tax bracket, and is a bit too old to be working this entry-level job because his life was set-back a few years after having a child, who's name is Jaydyn or Brookelyn, at age 19. he also attends toastmasters meetings and doesn't believe in vaccines.
1774ooc: there should be a RP a 10 figgy fucktard threador maybe that's just trump.txt
1775i'm doing this job for google at night translating for them. it's pretty easy and pays better than my real job
1776they're going to pay me as soon as my finish translating this book. no they didn't give me an advance, why do you ask?
1777i put 200 dollars towards paying off my credit card every week and i almost never had to pay extra. what's interest?
1778hey are you selling your bmw? i just got student loans and have a ton of money to spare
1779I use budgeting apps
1780my daughter is named Ashleigh
1781
1782if I get 2 people I hate to carpool with me to san diego, I can save 66% on gas!ooc: this is all from a stanford masters student
1783my teeth have flaws
1784I've had multiple teeth removed where proper tutelary dentistry would have kept them in my mouth
1785my veneer cracked fml
1786i haven't been to the dentist in a long time. i just make sure to brush and floss frequently.
1787my haircuts are only $10, i get a pretty good deal and it usually looks ok
1788I get my haircut at a national chain.
1789why would I pay for movers, I can just call some of my coworkers and buy them pizza and orange soda for their help
1790theyre opening up another call center in manila but lucky were in a union so our jobs will always be safe
1791if i could just get a bit more money then maybe my wife could leave that awful warehouse job after her maternity leave
1792of course i dont live with my mom, i have a good jobshe lives with ME
1793I call my kids for tech support
1794i don't want to pay union dues, unions are scams
1795unions on strike, but i gotta get paid so i'm going in to work anyways
1796
1797i love kohls the clothing is so stylish and affordable
1798I use craftsmen tools they are good
1799this is true. always buy tesla
1800lifetime warranty, if they /do/ break just take them back the next time you're shopping at sears
1801amateur hour. keep an eye out at garage sales for cheap, dinged up ones THEN take 'em back.
1802Sears is a great place to work
1803
1804My coworker John is so cool, maybe if I crack my knuckles 24/7 like a retard he'll notice me and we'll be bros....Why is he avoiding me at all cost now it don't make no sense!?!?
1805e-sports really are the future
1806im going to reply to someone on Twitter with a picture that's nothing but text
1807i got into dota 2 because it was freeif i buy dozen keys for $3, that gives me a good chance to get this set that i can sell for $20, that's pure profit baby
1808i hold my fork like its a pen
1809___ is a good place to work
1810I like to complain about open floorplan homes and offices
1811I watch HGTV
1812I collect those collectors plates and put them in my grandmother's antique buffet
1813I accumulate things as a recreational activity
1814when the power is cut off the first time I feign surprise and we finish dinner in candlelight
1815by the third time there is no one left to fool but I act surprised anyways
1816
1817if I have to go at work I only shit on my lunch break. don't want to be away from my desk for too long...
1818i really enjoy engaging with my favorite brands via social media
1819i think the real problem is that political correctness has gone out of control, that's why I like Donald Trump
1820more guns will help prevent gun violence
1821
1822boy, purchasing power is great. no interest and they deduct directly from my paycheck so i dont even have to think about it!!!!
1823lol
1824
1825I have a landline to the house, I need it for my DSL.
1826really? no one else is having their wages garnished?
1827no don't throw away that shoebox, we might need it for something!
1828they're great for storing all the plastic bags we have around the house
1829lets take a walk by the church. i think there was a wedding today, we can pick up the rice for lunch
1830not only do i drink soda, but i save the can tabs in a gallon milk jug because i think charities can use them somehow
1831
1832*has a "junk drawer"*
1833*proudly displays dragon statues and video game weapons as if they were art**gestures to minecraft sword* there were only 125,000 of these made!
1834ooc: this is hands down the grandest dig at my brother in law
1835have you ever seen the documentary loose change?
1836*clicks like on coworkers sandy hook turther tirade*
1837i can't believe those fast food workers want $15 that means they'd make more than me!
1838i can't believe how high taxes have gotten since 2008
1839I buy limited edition things for the resale value.
1840why do all these losers want weed to be legal? it's a DRUG and should be treated as such *downs eighth beer of the night*
1841I keep my electronics with the protective plastic still on it so I can sell it for more. my microwave is still blue.
1842*gestures toward tower of comic books* and over here is my "retirement plan" heh
1843its shameful that minimum wage only applies to fast food workers
1844ooc: pay foodservice workers well. i wouldnt work in mcdonlds for the same amount of money i make now, which is a heckuva lot more than what most fast food workers make
1845drugs are illegal and the disproportionately large number of minorities in prison for the rest of their lives because of them knew the risks
1846my boss couldn't afford to pay me $15/hour and i would turn it down if he was forced to
1847*actually wears belt clip that comes with phone case*
1848no its cool i drive better when I've had a few, forces me to concentrate on the road
1849i friend my coworkers on facebookedit- alternativelyi use facebook
1850ooc: just realized that everything is limited edition given enough time
1851me and my coworkers are in a fb group together. executives need not apply
1852just thought i'd share a photo from my wedding at the legion hall this weekend
1853this is too real
1854i do real work in vim, not an intro-level IDE like Netbeans or Eclipse
1855i found out a week before the wedding that she had been cheating on me with my best friend for over a year but i forgave both of them because, hey, these things happen ¯\_(?)_/¯
1856GODDAMMIT harold this is my day and if YOU can't afford to have the wedding at Petruzzello's then YOU better take out another goddamn loan
1857*starts fb group to communicate with groomsmen*
1858and that's her best friend in the blue dress
1859hey guys bad news the tux rental place doesn't have ties and vests in the pink marcy wants. here's a link to where you can buy them:
1860i found a good place to get the chucks you want us to wear
1861i like all music except country and rap
1862well some rap is okay, like "Hey Ya"
1863*wears sandals in December but doesn't live in the tropics*
1864i repeat posts already in the rp a 5 figgy fucktard thread because im too busy working to know something has already been posted
1865*crosses the street if a black person is walking towards him*
1866ooc: i am the most frequent poaster in this thread by a wide margin jc I am a terrible person
1867im not racist, i have a black friend
1868one of my employees is black!
1869yeah, i can't believe marcy and jerry are moving. jerry's new job, you know. *whispers* i heard it's a lot more of an .. urban .. area if you know what i mean. i hope marcy feels safe in a place like that. i'd have just commuted the extra hour, myself
1870i didn't have a wedding, because we only got married for the health insurance.
1871Anyone know how to get this white fuzz off of my tongue? I've been brushing all week and it won't go away.
1872I'm a first generation immigrant with limited English.
1873I suffer from addiction.
1874Have a cocktail shrimp? No thank you, I don't like fish
1875I'm developmentally disabled.
1876this is top-tier food
1877I got my christmas bonus, who wants a shot of fireball?
1878
1879i work downtown where there are a lot of those types of people just standing around at nightso i bought a gun to protect myself on the walk back to my car if i'm working late
1880
1881
1882that was a good snype!!
1883by the power vested in me as your manager at frys, i pronounce you man and wife
1884oooh mix it with some rumchata and it's a cinnamon toast crunch shot
1885I got Low T.
1886my wife though my trt applicator was deodorant and now she has a mustache and better delts than me
1887*discussing a place near where I've seen a minority before*I dunno, I probably won't go because that neighborhood is kind of shady.
1888
1889Let me get this straight...$38 per barrel (42 gallons) which produces 31 gallons of petroleum products (19 gallons of gas and 12 gallons of diesel). So, 117 litres of fuel...when I went to pump last night, I paid over $1.25 per litre. So the retail revenue of one barrel is $146.25! That is a 385% markup from raw product. Do drug dealers get that type of return?
18906 months interest free? Hell, I knew I'd find something to convince me. Just gotta pay $70 a month and won't have to pay any interest
1891Have to get a new phone / provider today. Anyone have any suggestions on what phone to get / cheap phone plans?
1892Rogers is the best carrier, hands down. I've never had a reason to leave them. Samsung 4 is probably decent. It's superior to the iPhone.
18936 months laterWhoops I was late for one payments now i have to pay more than if i never transfered my balance
1894i can't afford to find out why my car smells funny
1895its because i pulled the fabric back on your trunk liner and poured milk down in there and then sealed it back upthis is a funny prank to play as someone who makes a nice 5 figgies (moving up in the world)
1896there aren't enough inputs on the tv for all the video game consoles i own so i switch them by hand
1897I haven't replaced my tv because I can't find any new ones with s-video inputs and my dvd player and gamecube use that
1898
1899i got a soundbar and made sure the brand matches my tv's manufacturer
1900i wear a hat that came free with this chainsaw
1901
1902
1903i support the death penalty
1904people should have to get a license to have children!
1905Thinking about getting the kids an Xbox one so they don't whine about using mine all the time. I couldn't decide if I wanted to pull the trigger during Black Friday, will their be any equitable Christmas deals?
1906I'd like to start exercising, but gym memberships are so expensive, bikes are for losers, and there's no sidewalk that I can run on near my house.
1907I moderate an internet forum
1908Yes, members pay to join. No, they don't pay me.
1909No, it isn't very popular.
1910I just use the speakers in the tv. They sound fine.
1911hey don't plate shame
1912I pay $90 per month for the extended cable package. Only the best for my kids!
1913Man I didn't even realize it but my company put like 5 grand in a 401k account for me. Just in time for Christmas!
1914my fiancee wants a diamond ring and i'm going to take out a loan for it so it is at least as big as her friends
1915Hell yeah, mac & cheese night!
1916I found a one-pan recipe with quinoa, I should add some ground turkey
1917actually it is a good thing that my life is miserable and full of pain, its an opportunity to learn to play the blues
19185 figgy protip: if you have no friends, you have nobody to compare yourself to except the mouthbreathers in line at the pharmacy where you buy your groceries
1919man ever notice that when one gas station raises their prices all the other ones just SOMEHOW know to raise theirs as well? what a fuckin racket i tell you what
1920this new job is so much better. I have a name tag AND a uniform now
1921check out my mancave -beer fridge-literally the SNES i got for xmas in grade 2-fight club poster-sports?
1922all seasons are good enough honestly just don't drive like an idiot
1923hey who has the cheapest iPhone screen repair in town?
1924ooc: latest pizza project not lookin too hot
1925see this is why I always buy one of those knock off otterbox cases and a screen protector as soon as I get a new (to me anyway) phone
1926finally bought that trans am i always wanted in high school.fuck you Donny. who is taking Carrie home from the prom in the trans am now? you tell me Donny, you tell me.
1927i just called Carrie she says she doesn't remember me and her husband has a mercedes amg sls something and what am i talking about trans ams for? i can't compete with that!fuck man, sometimes life just kicks you in the teeth.
1928i tried to tell her about the ram air on my '96 transam and she told me to stop babbling, fuck man, fuck.
1929bro you're better off if she can't appreciate a nice guy. honestly her husband sounds like a doosh so imagine how fucked up she must be to like a guy like that
1930Gonna need a pic of this 5 figgy slut OP. Ill settle for measurements.
1931i can't because i literally killed myself.
1932At the age of 30, I have finally finished building the dream car of my teens - An imported japanese coupe with 19 x 13 inch wheels, 5 degrees of negative camber and 3mm of ground clearance. This car is my primary mode of transport despite the spiraling maintenance costs of repeatedly having my sump torn off by roadworks, and being literally incapable of traversing certain speedbumps or driveways. I accept these inconveniences as part of the charm of this "vehicular lifestyle" and judge my detractors as joyless plebs.
1933stop posting about me with such accuracy plz
1934i don't know that this is what it's called, but i support eugenics
1935i think that people who wear turbans are muslims
1936i am going to see the new star wars film on opening night
1937
1938*buys issue of dwell magazine*man i wish i could live in a fucking shipping container in the woods
1939
1940i pay for movies & goto theaters with the filthy masses instead of just going to academy/guild screenings
1941i own a tv
1942i use a tv as my monitor
1943I use a monitor as my tv
1944i use a tv as my monitor
1945
1946ooc: some dude at work demanded a 4K tv to do exactly this
1947triggered ues tags nexttme tia
1948
1949maybe you should try some real quality food, like the Bloomin' Onion
1950i have an opinion about every single story in the nightly news
1951i regularly purchase magazines about guns
1952lol just read them in the store dude
1953i buy groceries from a store that sells gun magazines
1954i buy groceries from a store that sells guns
1955i shop at walmart fully aware of the bad press because they have the lowest prices by several cents
1956also cuz i make the big five figgies and am therefore superior to these minimum wage animals
1957can you believe these charities want money over canned goods? that's a right scam it is
1958i like to root around in the $5 dvd bin at walmart. some times if i don't find anything good i'll get my old lady to 'accidently' mix in a full priced dvd, then i go and argue with the manager about it until i get it for $5
1959shopping tip: cut the UPC code off a 6-pack of miller high life and tape it over the UPC of a better brand
1960dining tip: if you eat the whole meal then the manager won't comp you. just take a few bites each at 6-8 restaurants
1961My computer runs Windows.
1962i am deeply concerned about what operating system / mobile device / gaming console brand people use
1963same, except amazon
1964really liked that macbook pro at the apple store but this lenovo yoga does the job
1965i bought a tabletoh you know, all kinds of things
1966
1967i got my tablet free with a 2-year agreement
1968i'm really sad all the time
1969theres a food truck at work today but they don't take cards so i can't
1970My job allows food trucks on the property.
1971i talk to my coworkers about the details of my pre-nup agreement
1972a prenup??? thats something people get when they plan on getting divorced. i don't have one
1973my employer offers 401k matching but I don't participate
1974I own a Polaris slingshot
1975my daughter is named ashleigh
1976i've never jacked off in the office bathroom
1977I also leased a Chrysler 200
1978I go to Starbucks every morning
1979my son goes to ITT tech, paid for by the gi bill
1980i refuse to enjoy new experiences
1981i am 36 and have never willingly eaten a vegetable
1982the only vacation we take is our annual weekend at six flags
1983i treat service people poorly as an outlet for the abuse i take at work
1984i have a very specific daily routine and anything which disrupts it will throw me into a frothing, blind rage*gets cutoff in traffic, has to wait to make a left turn*
1985i regularly drink soda at 9am
1986i voluntarily joined the US militarythat's why i have no legs
1987i need to drink soda / coffee all day to keep me going
1988i love coffee! *takes deep gulp of frothy off white liquid*
1989it's completely normal that i wake up with terrible muscle aches and migranes
1990my car is a weapon i use to threaten driver and pedestrian alike
1991i fantasize about being a gta or call of duty character
1992I have to yell at my wife and kids to stop using the internet because my pirated HBO shows are downloading extremely slowly.
1993i send passive aggressive emails to people who schedule meetings at times I'm not available
1994ooc: this is the new "get off that internet, I need to use the phone"
1995i dont know how to type
1996Smythe this thread is killing me!
1997The Best Buy salesman convinced me to get some Monster gold plated cables with my Black Friday TV. Only the best for my man-cave!
1998I'll take my thanksgiving meal to go please, grandma. i gotta get in line at the ol' best buy
1999*hides money from spouse*
2000i see cat face joe is a fellow 5 Figgy Lifestyler
2001I buy things from best buy
2002working at gamestop is the best i get a sweet discount and talk about video games all day
2003no no its not true don't look at me don't look at meeeeee!
2004when my coworker asked me if i'd tried the food truck, i answered in mumbles and excused myself
2005I'm totally the office funny guy, everyone loves my jokes*sends another email comparing michelle obama to a gorilla*
2006*prints out an email*
2007*drives around parking lot looking for a "good spot" significantly longer than it would take to walk the distance*
2008sometimes i consider just going full-on fygm and voting trump because life should be easier for me, a cis white male
2009*sharks 30 minutes for a free spot instead of paying $2.50 for a garage* "this city has a parking problem!"
2010today i filled my gas tank, because i had 30 cents in FuelPerks
2011i save my receipts and balance my checkbook
2012i sleep on a futon frame thats always in the couch position because the room is too small
2013of course there is ethical consumption under capitalism, what are you talking about?
2014*gets extremely angry when a white comic book character is played by a black actor*
2015
2016I don't believe in the efficient market hypothesis!
2017Yes, I'm a capitalist. A captain of industry, even. *points to bitcoin mining rig*
2018ooc: used to work with a project manager who would print literally every email related to a project in a week for the status meeting to review them one at a time.she got moved to a less wasteful management job
2019looks like another 80 hour week at the office, good thing I put in that order for soylent
2020well, the RFP just dropped, and we have until jan 1st to reply to our customer to get the new contract... looks like christmas plans have to be cut short, sorry guys(text from my mom yesterday )
2021ive never read a booktransformers is a reallly good movie
2022don't worry bhodi we're all here for you
2023the only time i clean my car interior is the week i decide to sell it
2024this except my house
2025
2026i hope chipotle lowers their prices in the wake of the e coli outbreak
2027i eat chipotle
2028oops dropped your chipotle prices on the ground
2029stealing from the walmart self checkout is easy and low risk esp for produce
2030shopping tip: by LAW walmart can't physically restrain shop lifters, just take what you want and walk out. note: walk fast
2031yeah i don't really read for fungonna sell this kindle mom got me and buy a big thing of omaha steaks for the freezer
2032maybe some of those filet mig nons wrapped in baconthose'll fit right in the door
2033lol what a waste of money. just checkout the dumpsters of the piggly wiggly at night, they throw out the meat that didn't sell by the "sell by" date. its still perfectly eatable and i'm sure just as good as any steak from omaha
2034i'm a member of the frequent buyers club at papa johns, dominos AND pizza hut.
2035*in the dumpster* sweet, they forgot to bleach the pizza!
2036i'm so inured to the smell of catpiss that i, for the life of me, can't figure out why someone put this sofa on the curb
2037i mean, it looks /brand new/
2038im inured to the smell of cat piss and the humidity change when you walk into my house
2039beige is a great color to paint a wall
2040your landlord lets you paint the walls??
2041I didn't have to! we just moved into a brand new apartment. Freshly painted walls and wall to wall carpeting, looks great, and the colors are nice and neutral so they go with anything!
2042saw a show on hgtv where this guy did a brick red accent wall so we did that
2043
2044id like to preorder that videogame sequel. yes the limited collectors edition with the art book and resin statuette
2045if you don't mind black mold the rental market has some really great deals
2046ooc: i was at frys once and someone was yelling and pitching a fit, turns out it was a guy who was trying to return 20 copies of the collectors edition of warcraft iii the frozen throne and the store was refusing to let him since it was so clearly a failed effort to flip them on ebay. dude was on the verge of tears it was great
2047more is at stake here, mister manager, than being able to re-sell returned merchandise... its the principles of customer service. this travesty, what about people's rights!? you cant treat customers this way. you'll hear from my lawyer. why yes i definitely have a lawyer
2048I have never been to a tailor
2049I argue with people who work retail or food service because my time is worthless
2050Spent 3 nights this week at the car dealership haggling, had to walk about a few times but I got an extra $300 off
2051Putting extra money towards my 0% loan every month because Dave Ramsey came to my church and said debt is bad
2052*puts bumper sticker on vehicle*
2053I saw this show Unplugged Nation, where people look at a bunch of off the grid places and decide to move there or not. Man, I wish I could do that.
2054Stock market? No thanks I don't trust it. We are going gambling at the Indian casino this weekend though
2055I'm afraid of using my vacation because what if I get replaced when I come back?
2056I intentionally use terms that aren't politically correct when I know better in order to preserve my sense of self, separating me from well educated and affluent liberals as well as making me feel superior to the marginalized
2057I am under the age of 40 and have decided to smoke despite being bombarded with images of of cancerous lungs and people speaking through voice boxes, and not in the cool way like Daft Punk
2058I drive across state lines, Smokey and the Bandit style, because the beer/cigarettes are stronger/cheaper in a neighboring state/country
2059I get a half hour for the work holiday party. I love my job.
2060My children have student loans
2061Mine have this as well as car loans and credit card debt. But hey, living with debt is life and they'll have to learn that sooner or later.
2062And they went to in state public universities
2063i'm so sad all the time
2064wow, you got to see Dave Ramesy! super jealous Suze Orzman got some great ideas too!
2065i consume content
2066i only own one house
2067same, until i cut out all that gluten
2068i listen to dave matthews band #dmbfamily
2069I wish more contractors would watch Mike Holmes.
2070you should get a timeshare
2071Some of my light switches control outlets
2072
2073I purchase physical media
2074As a white male, I believe the United States federal government is persecuting me in the following ways:
2075i have student loans
2076i care about the health of the company i work for and am glad that someone other than me makes the tough decisions regarding layoffs
2077uh taxes? the government is forcing you to support poors and minorities. if this country was truly free as the founding fathers intended then you'd be in the 1%vote trump
2078
2079our ceo took some employees from headquarters out on his yacht and sent pictures to everyone in the company. what a nice man, i hope he lets us go to the bowling alley for the christmas party again this year.
2080only 30 more years to retirement!
2081i wish i was black or jewish so i could get all these free handouts
2082hey everyone! crystal pepsi is BACK!!
2083i have strong and nostalgic feelings about the junk food brands of my youth. remember ecto-cooler? ha ha that was the best i wish theyd bring it back that would be AWESOME. what? no im 41 years old
2084so actually about that- it looks like we've got the bowling alley reserved from 2 to 4 PM. do we need to go back to the office when we're done? I'm not sure Allan said to ask you
2085Global warming is definitely a fraud. I figured this out on my own because it snowed earlier/more somewhere than when/what it usually does
2086ooc: almost every line from https://twitter.com/Goons_TXT belongs in this thread (or the notional 4 figgie thread)
2087i justify professional athletes abusing their sexual partners
2088the number of sexual partners i have had is in the single digits
2089i refer to all music which is primarily electronic as "techno"
2090we got a new company policy: employees with over 20 years in get an extra weeks vacation starting immediately. im glad the company is so generous to loyal employees.coincidentally the company just celebrated it's 20th anniversary last month.
2091I went into debt to buy a launch day Xbox one.
2092i am of average height and do not lift weights because i do not believe that having a good physical appearance confers any tangible benefits in life, be they professional or otherwise
2093I overcompensate for my generic 5 figgie fucktardedness by becoming abitrarily and overly concerned with an inexpensive but time consuming small facet of my life such as how I make my coffee or knowing the 97 sub genres of techno or metal music. This makes me feel superior to those who don't give a shit about these things because they have vastly more important and fulfilling things to be doing besides worrying that Starbucks isn't technically the best coffee
2094Then I bring it up whenever possible in person or on the internet
2095i collect a staggering array of effects pedals but own only a single shit guitar which i cannot play well
2096i brand myself as a craft beer connoisseur but in reality i just use the current trend for independently brewed beers to justify my borderline alcoholism
2097i know a lot about Gourmet Burgers
2098Check out my 20 year old M3! Sure it costs me $4,000 a year and hundreds of hours of my own time to keep running and has 250 horsepower, but I just feel so connected to the road, ya know? Plus, money can't buy taste
2099i attend professional sports games
2100Same but I don't have season tickets or a box
2101Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock are my favorite shows. i wish tina and amy could host every awards show!!
2102i have kids
2103i too work on my own car. changing my car's oil is satisfying. i have weird ideas about what it means to be a man.
2104why aren't ordinary civilian muslims in america doing more to stop isis?
2105i have opinions about fast food
2106i get all my opinions from am talk radio
2107I know my daughter wanted UGGs but the lady at Sears said these bear paws are just as good.
2108my phone, tablet, laptop, monitor and tv are all 1080p
2109hey, man, i think the waitress likes me, im gonna write my phone number on the receipt. whats %15 of $17.90?
2110I ate a ghost pepper. I got a new chili sauce that has the world record for being totally the hottest chili sauce ever or some shit. I participate in food challenges to eat really spicy things, or just large amounts of food in general.
2111how many scoville units does that bad boy boast????
2112it caused me hours of stomach pain, nausea and digestive problems, but it was worth it for all the respect i receive from my colleagues when i tell them about after every bathroom break
2113I fuck for purposes other than recreation
2114hoho boy is my asshole burning, yeah baby! that shit melted a hole all the way to china!
2115SHOUT-OUT TO ALL YOU KIDS BUYING BOTTLE SERVICE WITH YOUR RENT MONEYYYY! RUUUUUUH-SPECT!
2116i own a cat because they do their own thing and need little space
2117i wear a backwards cap
2118indoors
2119
2120
2121i watch esports
2122leaving the thread for a sec: i actually work on my own car because i tried to go to my normal oil change place and they told me to go away and that they won't work on my car, and the dealer is a 1 hr drive and i am not doing that. changing the oil is kinda fun but not really, at least i only have to do it once a year or so because i don't drive it 3000 miles a year.
2123i actually work on my own car too but it is out of spite
2124I go to church every sunday but I don't actually believe
2125I am a piece a shit
2126i have a coupon
2127I dont know how to change my oil but i dont have the money to pay someone to do it
2128I want to, or am proud to, live in the obnoxious sweltering dramaswamp that is Florida.
2129The office has a Keurig, so convenient for everyone to be able to brew coffee that they actually want, lol.
2130*gets into heated argument over who should be the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns*
2131*gets arrested for domestic violence*
2132yes i see the "no smoking" sign but this is vaping a totally different thing so your sign doesnt apply to me and fiurthermore the supreme court has stated that
2133ooc: im incredibly angry at myself for not coming up with this one
2134i have very very strong feelings about recent movie trailers
2135I'm seeing Star Wars at midnight on opening night, then I have to be back to work at 6am. Gonna need lots of coffee because I have no vacation time left
2136Why would you ever pay for Starbucks when we have free coffee in the office? Just bring in a bottle of Coffeemate and make your own lattes!
2137phew, managed to snag two tickets to Burger Joe's last day open. yeah I know they were $100 a seat but I've got a lot of good memories of the place and it'll make a great story
2138i started a 6 figgy fucktard thread to cover for my feelings of inadequacy
2139i feel it's a violation of my 1st amendment rights to not be permitted to send pictures of my dick to people on facebook
2140My wife's due in 7.5 months and the doctors told us the baby will have Down syndrome and numerous other medical issues but I don't believe in abortion because my pastor said its killing babies so I started a gofundme to defray some of our 7 figures in future medical costs. This is after all just part of gods plan
2141Plus we already bought it a forums account when we found it it was going to be retarded
2142life hack: don't have the spoons to shower in the mornings? just take some old pantyhose and rub it over your hair, it will soak up some of the grease and buy you an extra day or two easy
2143
2144i read this post and wondered if it was true.
2145every friday I have to fill out a sheet by hand that details how i spent my week in 15 minute increments
2146I have a corporate desk job that i have to punch in and out for
2147I've never had a post-college job longer than six months
2148lol
2149my boss watches to make sure all his employees are in on time
2150note: also true for the 6 figgy fucktard thread
2151my company's executives fly all over the world to do business. i have never left the state, work or otherwise
2152I was wondering how one showers with a spoon.
2153dining tip: just eat the food in the store while you're shopping. employees won't hassle you if u do it confidently. if they do hassle you, act all indignant and say that of course you were going to pay for it whAT DO I LOOK LIKE A CRIMINALS!?!?!?
2154very carefully
2155yeah if you're some kind of sad computesman
2156I've never had a real conversation with someone who isn't white
2157can someone summarize what has happened in this thread, tia (thanks in advance)
2158ooc: it's your biography
2159i have been laid off on numerous occasions
2160my partner doesn't support me in my career, hobbies, or dreams
2161my hobby is watching television
2162i asked to get laid off so i could use the severance to go to massage therapy school
2163yeah i got laid off before this gig, said fuck it, went to europe for a bit, it was p niceit was way too hot for my moderately warm norcal skin tho goddam, 44 C in the shade
2164i sometimes consider ending it all but am afraid of what lies beyond this mortal coil
2165no suicide talk in the champagne room plz
2166i regularly go to strip clubs
2167lucky woman
2168lmbo
2169i like to play along w/ the movie trivia and loudly boast when i get one right
2170i'm really excited for The Angry Birds Movie, featuring YouTube stars Smosh
2171
2172i do not know how to rp in the 6 figure thread
2173Android is the best mobile OS
2174*leans back in discount office depot desk chair that i got at good will due to crusing poverty not to mention bad taste* Ahhh, the Android Haters have been thwarted. I'm glad of my unjust power and mental illness. *cackles while refreshing r/AndroidMasterRace*
2175my lg nexus 4 is still workin good
2176love to watch dota and star craft on my tv. and drink beers
2177i have not drank normal water since i was in grade school
2178have the boys over and play some d&d; with some dota on in the background. drink some beers. epic ftw my mans
2179same, op, same
2180i use hangouts for sms (google voice#) and also web chat. all incoming and outgoing texts, calls, etc, are data through hangouts. i can choose to use minutes instead if i have bad data reception but good bars (sometimes this happens..)
2181my 3 old nexus 4 lasts from when i take off the charger in the moring till i get home at night. youre holding it wromg
2182i even take my omeprazol and vasotec with sugar water every morning
2183i got the tmobile goon plan (online only. 100 minutes, 500? texts, 5gig data. $30/mo prepaid) bc the tmob girl seduced me. before them i had verizon which was a bajillion dollars. teh poverty plans are epic value
2184i think im going to buy this cheap ass moto g if i dont hear back from the fucklords at moto about getting the payment play approved this week. 650 bucks or whatever for a phone. cripes. what do think im runnig here? an oil company? chirst. fuckers
2185well i think specs wise the nexus 4 was shit garbage and its suited my needs fine. still works good even now, all these years later. no issues
2186i was very excited to discover my jury duty check in my pile of unopened bills today... but then i realized i had already deposited it using my App
2187i never answer my phone anymore. it's always bill collectors
2188it's very important that people know my likes and dislikes by looking at my car. also that my cousin fat tommy died in 2011.
2189i know how long it takes for a delinquency to fall off a credit report
2190rip fat tommy 1981-2011
2191i book a hotel downtown on halloween and/or new year's eve and go clubbing
2192the atv was only rated to 250 pounds
2193House got no basement
2194*lets the deck rot*
2195i own a mouse without forward/back buttons
2196this but for every post
2197time it to coincide with the yearly body replacement, ez pz
2198Strollin' into work at 10 only to leave at 2.
2199awesome, the new yellow pages showed up
2200i wear a jacket at work 24/7/365 so that no one knows when i leave early in the cold months
2201
2202I'm the son of an absent father. I receive all my cues for how to be masculine from Ron Swanson memes.
2203i can't tie a tie so i keep one pre tied in my closet and just slip it over my head when i bust it out once a year
2204look at mr fancy here. clip-on is fine.
2205grandma has to live with us, now
2206just bought a hyundai elantra
2207i don't know what kale is
2208i've googled "does spouse inherit debt"
2209sometimes, in my weaker moments, i wish i'd bought some bitcoins when i heard about em in 2011
2210if i could describe my style in one words, it'd be: "coveralls"
2211ooc: for that spoons quote earlier, there's some quote about having 'the fibro' or 'anxiety' or some other mental illness that like...each morning you wake up and are given a bunch of spoons, and you have to use those spoons to do normal activities throughout the day, and when you run out of spoons, you're done for the day, you can't do anything and have to retreat mentally and physically back to your cave.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory
2212i independently arrived at a theory related to the spoon theory, the difference being i use all the spoons in the house to eat Nutella and when i'm out of spoons i use forks, then knives, then fingers until all the nutella is gone
2213Same
2214agreed but constantly and i think about the bitcoin pizza i lol'd at and the epic lambos and savage sick cum sluts that could have been
2215a yosmas present a couple years ago was one of those actual "bitcoins" that the santa bought for like $25 or something and was worth $1200 at its peak
2216the missed-the-boat on scams talk reminded me that i should call gramps soon... i want to get his stuff when he kicks it
2217sniff sniff i remember all the great times me and gramps had with all his cool shit, sniff itd really mean a lot to me if i got to keep it alll
22185 figgy fucktard leering at a sexy blonde babe across the room, her clothes pristine, her dress impossibly tight, and her teeth sparkling: shed fuck me if i bought bitcoins in 2011. *imagining a sputtering load cum splashing across her face in a swank hotel penthouse* *remembering the guy who dried fruit on his bitcoin rig in 2011* it could have been me. *feeling his cock bulge in his pants* it should have been me *feeling his pants capillary action pulling the cum across his thigh* but im a fucking LOSER. A God damn IDIOT. *pushing on his adams apple and choking* I NEED TO DIE. *takes a moment* ah, wheres my g*d d*mn zoloft?
2219i have autism
2220what's capillary mean?
2221*posts link to gofundme for IVF on facebook*
2222I think I'm gonna kill myself by jumping in front of a rush hour commuter train
2223Me too!!
2224no suicide jokes please
2225my New Years resolution? definitely gonna hit the gym. spent my xmas bonus on a "do you even lift" tshirt and some nikes to really get motivated!!
2226200 bucks left and just 6 days till mid month payday, fuck yes. Christmas shopping gonna be easy this year
2227i can't tell the different between cherry mx blues and browns by touch
2228lmao
2229100% of the cheese I buy comes in either a resealable package, or individually wrapped slices
2230butcher? yeah, there's one down at the Piggly Wiggly where I shop. Why do you ask?
2231all of my sex is strictly vanilla. anything else is sinful
2232I have a vcr collection
2233*loosens tie*
2234i have a plan for how to transfer owner ship of my digital media purchases to my children upon my death buttttt don't quite know what my life insurance police is or if i have one
2235hey son... i used to uh, really enjoy listening to my dad's records... so i thought, do you want my itunes account info? i've got some really good jazz albums and,
2236i think that the classic thinkpad touchpoint is a bad human-computer interface devicei also don't know the term "human-computer interface device"i also don't know what a thinkpad is
2237my bs cs is not top 50
2238i use a thinkpad
2239
2240i too have strong opinions about thinkpads
2241i really want a hoverboard
2242i really want a hoverround
224349 pages
2244*frantically mows lawn watching wide-eyed as neighborhood goes to shit*
2245i jerk off to profile pics on tinder
2246Wow, 42 degrees before sunrise. Maybe this climate change thing is real.
2247WE PREFER THE TERM 'TREKKERS', THANK YOU
2248Why would I pay $1 a bag when the store has bags for free? Besides, I heard on the radio that the reusable bags take more energy to make than the disposable ones, so really it's no better for the environment in the long run.
2249*takes shit**wipes ass with dry paper*
2250heh i had this problem where people'd come to me complaining about stuffso i printed out this sign that says"complaint department 300 miles ==>>"lol now people really know where i stand with complaints
2251points to sign printed out from a facebook mom meme that says "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part!"
2252
2253is it important? HUHUH then it must not be urgent!!!is it urgent?? HUHUH THEN IT MUST NOT BE IMPORTANT!!!*plays farmville on one of 6 monitors*
2254*browses usajobs.gov while "working" at gov job*
2255the 6 monitor farmville slob i'm thinking of, his cube was so messy that someone from compliance came to help him clean up so that the company wouldn't get in trouble with OSHA lol
2256you could tell how fat he was just by judging the empty space in his cube when he wasnt in it
2257while being a libertarian
2258The goverment needs to crack down and stop giving handouts to welfare queens, its time to get our budget under control.I mean, cut everything but the legacy enterprise navy weather portal I'm working on because obviously thats crucial to our nation's defense.
2259we could simply eliminate one senator for each state and does the house really need to be based on populationwhat do you mean just buy a few less fighter jets that's literal tyranny
2260it's just like chris rock said:
2261I hear black people use that word all the time!
2262grandma died so that means we can finally have a real vacation
2263michelle obama has 243 personal assistants!
2264"I believe listening to Neal Boortz has made me a better libertarian" - actual friend of mine with actual government job
2265my fiance really wants a diamond and a big wedding and i know we'll be paying it off for years, but gosh darn it, it's such a special day
2266it's cool having a sink next to the commode so you can make instant wet ones
2267i embezzled thousands of dollars from a church, charity or non-profit I work at and spent most of it on a trip to Disneyland.
2268IT finally let me have a second monitor!! the boss must really appreciate the work I've been doing
2269i use the track pad on my shitty dell. it has never once crossed my mind to ask for a mouse
2270
2271i make things on imgur
2272Fight Club is one of the most important films of all time.
2273i make and poast these on my fb wall
2274i wont eat meat off a bone
2275sushi? no thanks raw fish is not heathly
2276my favourite food is mashed potatoes
2277I am concerned with environment provided i dont have to make any changes in my life
2278despite all of us being terrible i maintain the opinion that family is the most important thing. I have a bumper sticker that voices this
2279I don't give a shit because having children is too expensive
2280same but only if there's no gravy
2281I dont like when the food on my plate touches
2282I mix everything up into a homogenous slurry and eat it with a spoon. it all goes to the same place after all
2283I switch the fork between hands while eating
2284this is what i was taught to do as a child and it marked me until i trained myself to do it the right way
2285now i just use the fork as a skewer, like, i'll fork a whole tater and just take bites out of the tater and use the fork to turn it around to find the next place to bite
2286I get my face right down level with the plate and use the fork like a plow to shove food as fast as possible into my cavernous gullet
2287i post about my problems in the 5 figgy fucktard thread instead of doing anything about them due to my crippling depression
2288all my furniture is made out of stacked milk crates
2289idiocracy was a documentary
2290wouldnt it be cool to live in a metal container in the woods? think of the money we'd save!also, remember hobbits?!
2291i post about my problems
2292i dont have a middle name
2293I hand wash my dishes
2294i save my leftovers
2295i yearn for hobbit life
2296my favorite Christmas movie is die hardget itdo you get it
2297lol
2298i don't have an appreciation for poetry
2299all my art is rasterbated deviant art images
2300check out my stick-on plastic fender vents from autozone. it makes my 2004 ford explorer look more like an escalade, which is coincidentally also my dream car that i will one day finance for 84 months from a used car dealership
2301check out this chain collar for my pit bull. so badass! i feel like im danny trejo now
2302i spend all my extra money on lottery tickets, but you cant win if you dont play
2303check out my beige 2006 Nissan Altima! (salvage title)
2304thursdays the night me and the boys from my mma gym like to get buckets of bud light and 50 cent wings
2305cant wait to get off work and fire up the foot bath
2306Americans do this FYI. Peasants. Feudal serfs.
2307six crates of branded pint glasses from the local bar's pint night are my only glassware
2308i think this is a worthwhile expense
2309i get winded going up a flight of stairs
2310i drink vodka with crystal light** i am in fact doing this right now
2311good lord man its 3 in the afternoon
2312oh oops haha yeah i live on the east coast too where it is 5pm
2313in character, i literally don't see why this would matterooc, i literally dont see why this would matter
2314the term "compounding interest" has negative associations in my mind
2315that shit's how they get you
2316i just don't see the point of a master's degree
2317I can't get a job with this BA, I should go back to school and get a masters then I'll be raking in the dollars
2318christ, why bother when im making 40 large managing this jimmy johns? the ROI on 2 more years of schooling doesnt add up
2319
2320what in hell think i could get a copy of that to show the third shift stockroom boys?
232150c wings? big spender
2322
2323why would i buy garbage can liners when ive got all these bags i brought the groceries home in
2324huh turns out i don't need this $2 item, guess i'll run out to return it to the store
2325*drives 10 miles to a store to do a $2 price match guarantee*
2326its the principle of the thing
2327*drives 3 miles out of the way to get gasoline 5 cents cheaper*
2328
2329look, i know the manual says the car requires premium but that's part of the conspiracy between car companies and oil companies. regular gas is fine *ignores constant pinging*
2330I just updated the quote in my email signature
2331my email signature
2332Mine is NYSE: BAGL
2333This message contains confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you must delete it immediately in accordance with US law.
2334you're mother doesnot work hereplase clean up your dishes:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
2335i have one or more utilities turned off for nonpayment
2336i shave with a $20 electric razor
2337i sign up for and forget to cancel automatic payments
2338i worry that people think im stealing when I leave a store without buying something
2339i dont eat breakfast
2340i dont like fruit because it doesn't taste like it's candy equivalent
2341*buys wife one pound hershey bar from target*
2342gotta jet a few minutes early to pick up some anniversary flowers at walmart
2343i get legitimately angry when people casually rib me
2344i threaten to fight men who i think are checking out my girlfriend
2345puts up sign saying that "THESE BAGELS ARE FOR FINANCE ONLY WE WILL FIND OUT WHO IS TAKING THEM"
2346i fantasize about fighting these men but dont act
2347i am under six feet tall
2348under this fat it's all muscle bro! *slaps belly*
2349i instinctively do the penis formula in my head whenever i find out another man's shoe size
2350i post 7 figgy things in the 6 figgy thread because im 2 poor 2 know the diff
2351i do not take out the garbage until there are flies circling the garbage corner of our kitchen where my 33 gallon drum of detritus exists, and i will never clean this area
2352it's payday... might treat myself to a new av, depending on how my bills look
2353forgot my phone & comcast bills were due this paycheck... guess it's good ol' windows icon for another month!
2354i know the shoe to penis size formula
2355i bought my lunch at a gas station and ate it in the gas station parking lot so nobody would know
2356i can tell what i've eaten in the past 24 hours by the look and/or smell of my most recent shit
2357I own 10 shares of pepsi
2358
2359steam sales kill my wallet
2360hey a fellow gamer. nice. the cake is a lie! haha. wanna have an argument about whether or not games are art?
2361can't I'm too busy composing angry tweets about how they removed the boob size slider in xenoblade chronicles
2362i believe games are art
2363i bet i appreciate the art more than you do
2364honey the mural is done!!!!!!
2365I have spray paint art from a guy at the fair on my wall. I saw him make it in under 30 seconds
2366damn, that is talent
2367I have a StrengthsQuest poster of my 5 strengths in my office.
2368my resume is on a word template
2369I buy motivational quote a day calendars "Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."- Sam Levenson
2370i am obsessed with the concept of data and will die to protect it
2371same but i buy the DE-motivational calendar. ha ha! have you ever seen those? give up! underachieve! failure! my boss made me take it down
2372did you know you can make your own online? my wife's fb is full of minion ones!
2373i fuckin love minions Nancy I LOVE THEM and if I hear you or any other piece of shit in the office say anything bad about them again i swear to fucking god they will NEVER find your pasty flabby fucking corpse
2374*takes a huge hit off meth pipe*FUCKIN MINIONS FUCK YEAH*hits "post to fb*
2375I share minions images online. Sometimes I text them to my friends and family
2376why would you get me cologne for christmas when i'm a old spice man???
2377
2378my family is riddled with drama, abuse, alcoholism, preventable illness, mountains of debt, the works. they constantly drag me down and harm my mental health with their manipulative behaviour, but i cant imagine distancing myself. what's that Dad you need to borrow money again? sure, im a bit hard up but i guess I can put the groceries on credit this month. anything for you pops
2379i had to send my daughter to the cheap rehab clinic
2380ive paid more in interest than the principle on multiple loans
23814-figgy version: prison is my rehab
2382I use bitstrips
2383I don't own a pepper grinder
2384as a mother, I
2385does a credit card count as a loan?
2386i'm going back to college to finish my degree
2387the bigger the pepper grinder the waiter uses on your Ceasar Salad, the fancier the restaurant
2388something something olive garden
2389my family takes an annual X mas picture in matching shirts and light wash jeans. I mail out the picture with our three page xmas newsletter
2390*smokes weed out of a dry pipe*
2391knows the name of the strain of weed he is smoking
2392I enthusaticlay believe mydealer when ehe tells me what strain of weed e ive bought
2393thread's kind of getting too real for me
2394its kind of worse if you don't know you're weed strain
2395grandaddy kuuuuuuush!! tis is some meeical shit man. checkout those crystals. lookk i have a magnicfiying glass ovre here you see. half eighthh? yea $45. its worth it mansmeel that dank shiz
2396those crystals look... too big!!! what if its laced with pcp
2397I have strong opinions about granite countertops but use an electric stovetop
2398electric? lol, its all about gas, baby. i haven't had a scroched pot of hamberger helper since i went gas
2399i have high blood pressure
2400my high deductible plan is great. did you know it's actually better than regular plans for young healthy people like me
2401https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedFo...81843741828850/
2402yum looks good
2403lomarf lol
2404my life isn't turning out like i want it to. i bet my parents are to blame somehow
2405i can't wait to go to the church christmas potluck
2406im going to make some of my 5 alarm chili. everybody loves it! its so spicy!
2407i have a tattoo
2408i have a four figgie credit limit on my cards
2409IIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUCCCCTTTTTTTTION STOVE FTW
2410jesus christ epic headshot
2411my wedding registry is at william sonoma
2412I asked for an electric wok and i use it a lot
2413when i go to chinese restaraunts they have to bring me the picture menu
2414i always end up getting spring rolls anyways
2415I love food
2416nice i can get diabetes
2417
2418
2419
2420some kind of pipe broke in the house and leaked everywhere so I spent three hours on Saturday morning just staring at pipes in the basement and sometimes placing my finger on each to see if I could 'feel' the leak like some Indian tracker listening for buffalo. I eventually called a plumber and he came and fixed it in 15 minutes, but I think it definitely helped that I could give him my theories and watch/critique his work. I work on computers so i know a little bit about tubes and flows heh
2421chilis has unlimited enchiladas for $9.99..... me and the boys are gonna give em a run for their money tomorrow at the bar watching nfl...... it's always happy hour too!Hurt Whitey Maybe fucked around with this message at Dec 12, 2015 around 12:27
2422gotta remember to take these leftovers home....we can stretch them all week.Hurt Whitey Maybe fucked around with this message at Dec 12, 2015 around 12:27
2423my favorite lunch is mayonnaise, American cheese and wonder bread.....cold.....I have it with a bag of potato chips and a pickle (for vegetables).... I bring lunch because of taxes being too high on my $10.50/hr wage..... thanks Obummer....Hurt Whitey Maybe fucked around with this message at Dec 12, 2015 around 12:28
2424i would be more of a college football fan but north Indiana community college didn't have a team and the pastor doesn't like papists so go Colts is all I have to say
2425I had tickets to the colts game but the ole boss man needed me to cover a shift. it's cool though he gave me half of face value for the tickets.
2426ftfy
2427i order my steak at anything other than rare
2428i have a deece four figgie balance on my credit cards
2429my children are fat
2430only four? lomarf
2431
2432I get excited about Microsoft online services
2433I'm a Microsoft partner
2434this MCSE is really going to advance my career!
2435Let me get you in on this great deal I'm working on. It involves energy drink sales. No, it's not a pyramid scheme, since you don't get the profits of the people you sign up. But you can level up and get some pretty great deals from the distributor. This month I'm really excited about a few new flavors. Can I schedule a tasting party at your house with all your friends? You'll get your first case free that way if you sign up, and bonus points for any of your friends that you sign up! Anyway, here's a staggering pile of propaganda, and from now on our friendship will be tarnished by the stench of money.
2436
2437LOMARF! YEA!!
2438
2439may god, his angels, and the loss prevention dept watch over us from the sky with grace. amen.
2440I regularly test drive cars for the free gift cards. The bonus is driving a cool car I could never own for a few minutes
2441
2442i scheduled a vacation before i knew i was getting a new job, but they're gonna let my vacation balance go negative so i can go! they're not even going to hold it against me in my 3 month evaluation.
2443i talk about poop to my friends cause it's funny
2444i have every cards against humanity expansion
2445my parents are divorced
2446they told me it wasn't my fault and that they both still love me
2447two christmases!
2448I like Fireball
2449On Facebook
2450The associate at Macy's didn't take the theft alarm off my new coat and I'm going to complain until I get store credit when I drive back
2451my dream car is a bmw m3
2452those taco bell boss nachos look pretty good
2453I love to shop at banana!
2454
2455i use the hot hand towel at the fancy asian restaurant on my face
2456idk man the waiter pulled my chair out for me and put the napkin in my lap without me asking for it, it was really fucked up. later he came and scrapped the crumbs off the table, i about clocked him.
2457can't go to chili's for our sunday night dinner this or next week, have to save money for christmas
2458Welp I've got $30 for the next week... at least I can eat lunch in the cafeteria every day so it's fine.
2459I get paid three times in January, so I can use the last check in December for all my Christmas shopping
2460I am all of these people.
2461most people are going to work now, I just finished up my last night of the week, time for the weekend until Wednesday, let's see what my friends are doi- oh they have work
2462I enjoy the midnight shift
2463i have a subscription to gq
2464among other magazine subscriptions
2465all of my fb friends know about all of my favorite brands
2466
2467i have drunkenly fallen out if my hunting blind and broken my leg. twice
2468got the 30 pack of camo high life for this huntin trip!
2469i regularly discuss openly and loudly about how pbr is the best beer
2470i was once served bud light when the bar was out of pbr and drank it down smug as fuck
2471i am the sole owner of an unsuccessful business and regularly blame others for my failures as a potential captain of industry
2472
2473i smoke a ton of weed and am constantly suspicious of people who do not
2474museums are a waste of time and money
2475i am always on the lookout for places to play darts
2476So let me guy this straight, it's 'free', but if I don't make a "donation" you give me the stink eye? Come on Dakota, we're outta here.
2477i could paint this garbage *gestures angrily at the three graces*
2478i've very nearly shot myself too many times to count. bring that beer out back and we can do some target practice with my new AR!
2479my open office workspace allows for collaboration my boss told us from his office
2480thought crime against the god king, fellows come let us surround the crime thinker until our combined body heat kills him
2481I just bought a new shirt at Walmart. it says "don't talk to me before I've had my morning coffee unless you like being yelled at". haha it's so true
2482buffets are the best way to eat out
2483oh man i love asian food
2484i think i paid all the bills for this month but i'm scared to double check
2485brutal
2486I don't go to Asian restaurants unless yelp reviews mention ayce
2487I use yelp
2488
2489oh man i love sushi *orders tempura*
2490guys i found the best italian placeno not the olive garden i know guys guys just bear with me ok
2491nig-what? shash shimmy?i'll take some philadelphia rolls please
2492bought a platter of california rolls from kroger - gonna eat ethnic tonite
2493my wife is out of town so I went to Walmart and bought a sirloin and a 6 pack and its going to be a great Tuesday night
2494*eats leftovers from a week ago*This is still fine, right? I mean all the bad stuff was cooked out when I made it.
2495update: a mystery campylobacter attack and the subsequent er visit have bankrupted me
2496
2497on the plus side, my gut flora can handle anything i throw at it now.
2498I get extra packets of hot sauce and mustard every time I go out for fast food - haven't had to buy condiments for years now hehehe
2499ooc: I had to look up what ayce stood for
2500aw hell yeah it's Italian tonight
2501i wish dominos sales applied to gluten free pizza.
2502ok it's looking like we're gonna win the division again so it'll be at least one home game. you know what that means! tailgating time with the mammals once again. i couldn't get a slot reserved for the f150 but i will be bringing a smoker as well as the bbq. just come to my place by six am and bring your own steaks. as long as we get to the lot by 7 we should have a spot close enough to hear the crowd.
2503im offended by this LIEberal media garbagehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31JNEVHZxO8
2504Haha wow i can't believe that's real! people are soo dumb!
2505I wear sweaters with elbow patches
2506i wear bluejeans with patched knees
2507I buy plastic bags of socks
2508i dont know how to shine my shoes(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
2509i simply sharpie in the scratches on my belt
2510i own two pairs of shoes
2511i bite my nails off instead of clipping them
2512*inspects your $400 japanese denim jeans from american rag*6 figgy fuckatrd thread is over there --->
2513people always compliment me on my "tatyered" pre-workout jeans. little do they know these are the real deal and i paid $20 at kohls a decade ago
2514bzzzt. i learned this in rotc, which was going to pay for my college until my untreated mental illnesses forced me to drop out
2515Camping out for the black yeezy boosts, I'm going to make like $400 flipping them on ebayI'd better make like $400 on ebay or my girlfriend is getting a really shitty xmas present lol
2516Flawless victory. Probing the fool for his epic fail.Smythe fucked around with this message at Dec 14, 2015 around 15:09
2517buffets are the only way to do vegasjust sit at the penny slots until they give you a free buffet pass
2518
2519Got our holiday bonus today, a $10 coffee gift card and some candy.
2520i'm glad smythe is still ik
2521i use text behind
2522
2523got bills to pay, gonna go to the casino to make some money
2524I Fucking Love Science
2525I have been touched by the noodly appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
2526me too but i don't believe in the scientific method
2527I Fucking Love Pictures Of Bacteria With Pop Science Pseudotruths Pasted On Top
2528I only watch episodes of How It's Made where stuff is made by hand
2529And they shall know me by my trail of Axe bodyspray
2530
2531i give thought to my regular monthly bills
2532layaway really saved my bacon this christmas
2533i just need one more payday loan and then i can finally break free to living paycheck to paycheck cleanly
2534federal income tax is unconstitutional**held by both 5 figgie and 7 figgie fucktards
2535hi, hotel, this is fucktard. do you take discover
2536my dream is to live here
2537i don't have any bills set to autopay
2538busted
2539discover seemed better but both are correct
2540i pay bills using my checking account instead of autocharging my credit card
2541i buy my furnitre one at a time and take it with me to my new house, instead of having my assistant select it for me and throw it away when i move
2542I'm a five figgy fucktard and I watch the Christmas lights competition show
2543i sell my furniture to cover first month's rent & security deposit at my new apartment. means i don't have to pay for as big of a u-haul, too
2544lol, as if i could ever afford to move anyway
2545ooc: ive actually been therea couple years ago i was in orlando for work and me and a coworker took our car there just to see itit was as lame as you can imagine
2546i had an ice cream at the towne ice creame shoppe, it was ok
2547Oh well uhhh... I was just checking to see if the baking show was on TV yet.
2548my roommate has the baking show set to record on the dvr, he LOVES baking
2549
2550My life goal is to own a pastel colored kitchen aid mixer that will only ever be dirtied by Betty Crocker just-add-water cookie mixes
2551i engage my coworkers in discussions about which dream car is better, the Audi A4 1.8T or the BMW 318i(ooc: this is something one of my former coworkers did at least once a week, it was just sad)Sagebrush fucked around with this message at Dec 14, 2015 around 20:26
2552so jealous! we didnt get a bonus this year (ceo says company isnt doing as good as the press says we are) but for the christmas party they rented out the banquet room at golden palace, best lo mein in town!
2553I am excited to watch the Deadpool movie.
2554*has prepaid American Express card instead of checking account*What do you mean you don't take it?
2555you neglected to mention the card is how his employers pay him
2556
2557
2558I care about sales
2559i have a 4 figgy fucktard who works for me and has no bank account. been considering this epic strat for him b/c otherwise the check cashing places take a big cut.
2560can you seriously not get a bank account with 4 figgies? i had one when i was a 6 yer old
2561No you didn't.Your parents did with your name on it so the checks said Your Name but it was in your parents actual accountability.
2562its rly bad 2 be super poor. i think he has some lien against him also. he is a good dude tho who does good work. sux
2563anyways, im a bad boy for starting this derail. NO MAS!------------------------------ 8< ------------------------------------------------
2564a lot of four figgie fucktards probably overdrafted enough times (back before regulations require that shit to be opt in instead of on by default on your debit cards) and didnt pay off all the overdraft fees so they're in chexsystems and cant open an account anywhere
2565this is not the appropriate regard a 5 figgy fucktard would hold for someone poorer than them! mods??!?!e:too late!!
2566right, but like they aren't going to let a 6 year old take out a loan or overdraw the account. if the basic "you got no money or credit" account is limited to "put money in, take money out, no overdrafts, no charge and no interest" then what's the bank's concern exactly
2567banks dont care about poor ppl. folks can we move this discussion to the normal LF theead (tech bubble) kuz ima probe for it starting on the next page (sniper test also)
2568*runs 4 electric space heaters for $999999999999999 kuz the gas furnace is done gone broked*
2569*installs a malware adblock that actually jjust injects interstitial ads*
2570*uses auto hotkey to click button in excel instead of writing an excel macro or vba thing*
2571at the grocery store *pulls out a wallet full of 8 different credit cards* no, honey, here, use this one, the rewards are better for groceries
2572pretty sure sulk makes more than 100 big ones dude
2573
2574
2575im going to let u choose whether to fatality him or let him live
2576tbh it's not the next page yet
2577it's not fair to expect such 5 figgy familiarity from everyone. i will show mercy.
2578*owns literally any product made by acer*
2579i knew this, well, girl, isn't quite the right word, but lady doesn't fit either and she wasn't quite old enough to be a woman, i called her "my last cigarette" because thats the phrase she would most often say out loud through her random black 45 degree angle teeth. no matter if anyone asked her, "this is my last cigarette". she must've said it 12 times a day. her 2nd most frequent phrase was something about having a negative checking account balance because of over draft fees
2580i worked at a dry cleaners before college, this was in the south so ofc i was the white face in the front taking the money while everyone that did the actual work was black ladies in the back sweating over some kind of iron or machine. it was really fucked up. the day i asked for the job i got a key to the place from the owner, "unlock the back gate tomorrow at 6AM". i show up and i have to unlock the gate to let in everyone else, some of the people'd worked there for over a decade, and i had the key. real weird and fucked up. anyways i realized how fucked up it was so i'd help them out by putting those foam things on coat hangers for them, or running to the store to get drinks. anyways i got to hear them gossip about the "poor" women that worked at a dry cleaners on the bad side of town owned by the same dude. apparently they'd shoot raccoons and cook them up on site! really fucked up imo.
2581its probably better than check cashing joints but it veers dangerouosly close to company store bullshit for my tastes
2582I Sold My Soul to the Company Store (and I Liked It)
2583you are a kind man. If you remain in the Steel City I fear it shall make you hard and cold - resist it you must. (Feeling the star wars feels ....)
2584
2585Damn LOL
2586brutal
2587i regularly use the qualifier "well, it's new to me" when talking about my purchases
2588we're having a gender reveal party
2589I have to sacrifice my morning Starbucks for a few days this week, need to see Star Wars. I'll just have to drink the office brew... blech
2590lol
2591gosh is it noon yet, can't take lunch until the boss tells me
2592i accept my probe but contest it on grounds that the average five figure desk jockey has no idea how to take care of that pair of dockers his mom made him get for his grandma's funeral 10 years ago
2593why did you buy me a shirt that is dry clean only for christmas??!?
2594I took out money from my 401k to take my girlfriend of one month to a Disney World resort. We're going to be together forever.
2595My favorite sport is Quidditch.
2596i'm not going to be on the internet this week to avoid star wars spoilers! i don't want it ruined for me, the movie.
2597I support smokers' rights.
2598vaping
2599I mix my own e-juice with ones I bought from China off of eBay.
2600yeah I'd love to get season tickets one day but for now it's fine because no one ever goes to Indians games so I can get the same seat as the season ticket holders with a bleacher ticket and a cigarette to bribe the usher.
2601I have season tickets...to a minor league sports team.
2602i am a season ticket holder for a college football team whose school i did not attend
2603I can totally afford the partial season ticket package in the nosebleeds, awesome.
2604I make fun of how shitty the rival school of my favorite college sports team is. I couldn't get into college.
2605i use articles like this http://wsav.com/2015/12/11/glass-of...new-study-says/ to justify not working out
2606i've got a basketball hoop in my driveway
2607instead of filling the base with sand, I just have giant bags of sand sitting on top of it.
2608i use the n word
2609empire strikes back was the best movie ever made. it touched me deeply in a way that not even my wife can ever do
2610i don't buy wool because i'm afraid to clean it
2611i am very very excited for the new star wars because the marketing machine really connected with me.
2612the crisper drawers in my fridge are my hiding place for the extra Miller lites
2613I've had meetings with school officials and social services.
2614I don't even have any kids
2615I can't afford cable
2616Millers lite
2617yeah fuck the giant beer brands, its all about micro, you know? *drinks an angry orchard*
2618*cares about beer being from a tiny microbrewer more than the actual taste*
2619my f150 that has never been used for any sort of work and that i'm deeply underwater on has a calvin peeing on the chevy logo decal. it's really funny, to me.
2620ooc: there are a couple morons in my apartment building with massive pickup trucks and i love watching them struggle to park in the garage
2621have you heard? a bunch of supermarkets started carrying this delicious thing called Not Your Father's Root Beer. gotta support the smaller brands when you can
2622My favorite drink is yeungling, which is made by a small craft brewery.
2623truck. nutz.
2624I lease my cell phone.
2625i got a 30% off coupon to a store i never go to, it'd be stupid for me NOT to buy something.
2626
2627i hate big corporate brands, that's why i drink seattles best coffee
2628i hate when jimmy john's takes bread out of the sub, it's like i'm getting less food
2629i drive a mini cooper and make sure everybody knows
2630heh a mini cooper? maybe you should drive man's vehicle, son*drives 200 miles a week exclusively on paved roads*
2631i celebrate festivus
2632we made a christmas wreathe out of old RAM at work
2633can't wait for the trans siberian orchestra concert. it's going to be epic
2634we also own every mannheim steamroller christmas cd
2635i'm trying to squeeze in as many doctors visits as i can before the year ends
2636i go to the emergency room when i have a cold
2637this 2002 Toyota Camry is a good investment, and the dealership will give me a 60 month loan at only 9.5%, I'd be dumb not to do it
2638my car is filled with garbage, detritus, old CDs, all of which are covered in layers of moldy coffee and soda. It is an accurate reflection of my life
2639my FSA has $2,000 in it in late December and it doesn't roll over. lol time to buy a lot of NyQuil I guess
2640pfft 5 figgies can't afford the er, it should have been:I go to urgent care when I have a cold.
2641*idles saturn missing most of its exhaust system into dealership* bluebook on this bad boy is $4500
2642sure we had to take out a home equity loan on the house our family has owned for a few generations, but it was worth it. I nearly cried into my sparkling grape juice as I saw my daughter eating generic catering up there on the church social hall stage.
2643I REALLY like railroads. Let me show you 1267 pictures of a freight train crossing a bridge
2644I like living
2645i claim to be a practitioner of an incredibly dangerous martial art but in fact have not been to karate class since I was 22
2646same except the cds belong to the previous owner
2647I can still run through a planned routine that has no actual use unless my attacker is also following the routine
2648yeah but i got a black belt!
2649
2650i just got Salesman of the Month, so my wife is taking us to T.G.I.Friday's for night out on the town
2651bonded leather is good enough
2652my parents are my roommates
2653that's a sweet makita power drill you got there bob. i've only got my old piece of shit home depot one but i think i might get the milwaukee set for black friday.
2654i tithe to the church.really made me feel good when my money let them put up big screens in the lobby
2655i conceal carry a .22 target pistol
2656
2657Avoid huge iphone bills!!!De-activate wi-fi assist (automatically uses cellular data when the wi-fi signal is weak).1.Tap the Settings icon.2.Click Cellular.3.Scroll to the bottom and turn off ?Wi-Fi Assist?
2658it was literally the most epic arena show ive ever seen. without a single shred of irony. i got comps in savage seats right under a flamethrower and there were like 3 finales and at one point the very stage itself lifted out like cherry pickers under the lead guitar and violin? and they flew over the arena like epic angels blasting sick metals under a kaleidoscope of the most elite stagecraft and pyrotechnics this planet has on offer.
2659excuse me whats the wifi passwordwhat do you mean this place doesnt have wifioh maybe one of the routers in the apartments upstairs is using the default settings let me sit here and try them all
2660I drink Pepsi
2661I'll have a cokeserver: is pepsi okYes
2662
2663
2664i have very specific preferences on my brand of fizzy sugar water. lacroix? yuck!
2665*talking about ordering pizza with four other people*i just want pepperoni and cheese*is pressed about his selection*FINE double cheese OK?
2666
2667
2668pep.si redirects to pepsi.com, so if we could get someone at pepsi to set up an is subdomain, there could be http://is.pep.si/ok?
2669i'm glad i didn't win the raffle at the holiday party, i wouldn't have wanted to pay tax on an Apple Watch anyway
2670the iphone automatically capitalizes apple watch. lomarfI'm allowed to have an iphone itt because i bought the last gen, on a payment plan.
2671i got that new thing from sprint where i can just have iphones for the rest of forever, its pretty cheap too
2672yeah, I've got some domain parking/SEO/ebay arbitage income streams on the side, once they take off im OUTTA HERE
2673i can't afford whois privacy guard on my domain
2674I like my android phone
2675
2676i spent the last 15 years modifying the vbulletin source code
2677
2678
2679I fly coach and hope to one day get enough miles to get into the first tier of membership programs!!
2680
2681
2682hmm, the large is only $2 more, I'll get that
2683i'm in downtown but i can't take uber yet because surge is at 2x and i can't afford it
2684resale value is the most important thing to me whenever i buy something new
2685
2686Also are you available Christmas Eve at 3:30 pm and New Years Eve at 9:00 pm?
2687I spent the last 15 years writing a retrospective about modified vbulletin
2688I believe in god
2689my religion is very improtant to m e and i like those around me toknow it
2690flipping burgers isn't a real job
2691yeah my position here pays double industry standard. fuckin hate being in a union tho, i wish i had those union dues back in my pocket
2692*votes republican*
2693i have more than 0 delivery places in the contacts list of my phone
2694
2695i work more than 40.00 hours a week and i'm salaried
2696i work >= 40 hours a week and im salaried
2697
2698uh p sure you have to be executive level to pull that off
2699i play Dungons and Dragons over Twitchhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz-RI43EinI
2700im allergic to wifi
2701I'm gluten intolerant but I don't have celiac
2702*makes a big deal about ordering gluten free food at a restaurant and then orders a pitcher of beer*
2703depends if we're talking time spent at work or time spent doing work
2704
2705*examines menu full of tasty vegetable and meat dishes* I'll have the gluten free pasta please
2706
2707i work 39 hours a week and I'm part time
2708
2709I've got that weird power that makes street lights turn on and off around me
2710CHEMTRAILS
2711I know my Myers-Briggs Test results
2712I read horoscopes
2713It's almost spooky how accurate that test is!
2714i bought new insurance through the exchanges but my doctor has a big sign up that says he doesn't accept obamacare! what do i do?
2715
2716i'm planning a great vacay to Branson with the in-laws!
2717go state!
2718I'm learning to enjoy a gluten free, sugar free, wheat free, starch free, yeast free, lactose free, raw, organic diet. My naturopath says I am allergic to lactose, gluten and yeast and I should cut out anything processed.
2719GO NAVYBEAT ARMY
2720fyi this is impossible on a 5 figgy budget/lifestyle, unless you eat literally nothing but raw lettuce
2721ooc: Oh I know.
2722today i visited a forum for sufferers of a specific mental illness.
2723i have http://outofthefog.net/ on my bookmarks bar
2724and now i do too :the high-five emoticon:
2725i can't afford to get this weird boil looked at but I have an uncannily accurate luke skywalker outfit that I wore for the force awakens midnight show
2726you like my new glasses? I got them at LensCrafters. splurged on the transition lenses too
2727i'm a "full-stack developer"
2728I have a preferred flavor of monsterI have a preferred brand of energy drinkI drink energy drinks
2729red ballers blend for me but really i prefer a cherry nos how about u?
2730I hate tomatoes!
2731i watch american idol
2732if my wife wants something she sees at the store and it's twenty, thirty dollars i just buy it, don't even have to think about the cost
2733I think the only alternative to eating at least 14 ounces of meat a day is to only eat vegetables, particularly ones with no nutritional value, and since the ones at whole foods are expensive it is impossible to not shove 3-5 wendys jbakes down your throat every day to live
2734i have nicknames for fast food menu items
2735I can't afford to be a vegetarian. it's too expensive.
2736I hope the next president of the United States makes these high gas prices go down
2737lol ur already dead
2738
2739my natural path
2740i know some css and how to use dropbox
2741i think that my job fucking around with jquery for small business websites makes me an engineer
2742i change my own tyres
2743i am told that my take-out order will come to $9.30 and hand over a $10 bill. i wait and am given 70 cents back, which i put directly into my wallet
2744SAME!!!
2745my job title contains the word "engineer" but i didn't go to school to be an engineer and there is no PE exam for the type of engineering i do
2746"time poverty"
2747RP a 168 hour Fuck Tard
2748i got promoted at work so now my name tag says sandwich artist and i get to pick one of the days i get off
2749i just bought a bose soundbar
2750I own protein powder. I use it after my monthly chest/biceps workout in my apartment's gym.
2751i make smoothies for breakfast every morning in a $500 food processor i went into debt to buy
2752i buy thisng off infomercials and tlak abt what a good deal theitem is
2753think you meant the 6 figgy thread
2754i have a masters in mechanical engineering and my job title is associate technical specialist 1
2755I've decided to go to grad school.
2756why don't they have any scholarships for white students!?!
2757Some Twitter users can't seem to accept a black Hermione.
2758most twitter users can't accept a black person near them on the street
2759just bought a fancy SLR pro camera, now where's the night mode on this thing
2760mcdonalds is rolling out self ordering machines, serves the cashiers right for asking for a raise
2761i've been asked to train my indian replacement in exchange for not being fired for two months, life is unfair
2762gota custom that firmware. open soure camera
2763*59 days later*hi this is ben from hr, part of your severance agreement included a nondisclosure clause forbidding you from discussing this transition, I'm sorry but we're going to have to cancel the rest of your compensation and you have 30 days to refund money disbursed to date[4 kilobyte email sig]
2764Two months paid time to look for a job, plus severance, you could be doing a lot worse.
2765sure im just a contractor but the guy at the agency said they often promote contractors to full-time permanent status if they work hard enough so im gonna give this job 110%!
2766ooc: this literally happened to me but I know I'm lucky because we have to let good contractors go at 18 months all the time and it bloooooows
2767my entire resume is "job title" via adecco
2768i used my brother in law as my third reference because i don't know three people who respect me as a peer
2769What did you do to my camera? Why's it not working? You broke it... Ugh, you took it off green square. Don't use these other ones, they don't work.
2770i use my work email as my default address
2771bank didn't have enough cash to cash my payroll check. guess I should just go to the check cashing place...
2772I think you mean bank wanted to put a 24 hour hold on cashing my paycheck guess I should just go to the check cashing place... ooc: the max 5 figgie paycheck assuming 1099 so no withholding is 4 grand and if a bank didn't have that in cash that would be a big problem
2773psh look at these fancy motherfuckers using banks. use a liquor store like a real american
2774ooc: witnessed this irl, it was the end of the day at a small branch. they only had small bills on hand. can't get a bank account.
2775this is obviously the only course of action https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvY6YQH9kE4
2776i wasn't serious about getting my job outsourced, it was a two part series that was interrupted rudely by a page break
2777i am both able to and desire to take advantage of this deal
2778i still don't get how people can't get bank accounts. i thought you just walked in there and said "i need a savings account" and they go "ok here it is"
2779if you or your parents wrote hot checks in your name you can't get an account ever.a few of my hs friends had that happen. even now 20 years later they have to use check cashing places because they are in the Chex system and can't use banks at all.
2780that's ridiculous. i would have thought it would last on your record for like 7 years, in the manner of a bankruptcy or car accident. not your whole life. wtf
2781apparently in like 09 Obama signed a thing to make it like 10 years but it wasn't retroactive.I have a lot of friends with dead beat dads who still write hot checks / open lines of credit in their kids names and "well, he means well and he'll pay me back one day!" which I guess is totally fitting thing for the 5 doggies thread
2782why would anyone let anybody else open a line of credit in their namedo your friends have brains?
2783i cant tell when people are in or out of character in the RP a 5 figgy FuckTard ITT thread
2784my brosef i believe there may be fraud involved
2785ooc: i had a coworker with this issue except her mom & dad never asked and it eventually came down to her suing her parents and putting them in prison for 20+ years lol
2786i call all forms of financial compensation "wages" and i am unable to even conceptualise the idea of being compensated for a job in a form that is not receiving cash in a small envelope once a week
2787i think we should look after homeless veterans before taking on any refugees
2788i go on short trips to las vegas and think its an enjoyable and fulfilling experience, then later i utter the wordswhat happens in vegas stays in vegas
2789why are we, as a nation, trying to fix the world when our own homeland is crumbling apart
2790
2791vegas owns. this isnt the "RP a prude, puritanical simpering fag" thread.
2792i like to call it "lost wages!"
2793
2794i go to vegas and pay for stuff myself instead of on the corporate amex
2795yeah that would just be redundant
2796
2797vegas doesn't "own" but it's ok for like 3 days max as long as you're drunk 100% of the time
2798ooc: smythe was clearly posting in character as a five figure earning fucking 'tard
2799i use my parole officer as a reference
2800*slathers ranch dressing on white lettuce*
2801i only like to get wild when i'm in vegas, rest of the time i'm pretty straight laced
2802i can drink at noon and it's a weekday! vegas baby!!!
2803*is extremely concerned by the two drink minimum sign at the strip club*
2804*buys waitress a shot*
2805i knew a girl in college who worked as a cocktail waitress at platinum plus a few nights a week. she claimed to pull in $500 a shift. dudes would buy her shots, the bartender would pour her a shot of water or tea, pocket the $12 or whatever it costed. pretty lol
2806lol
2807
2808pity about the $600/night coke habit though
2809sorry son but this poast was merely a remix of this:you're gonna have to get up pretty early in the morning to out 5 figgie me
2810*eats the food at strip clubs*yo check these wings out
2811check it out, its my frequent customer discount card from hooters
2812heh, only 4 stamps?
2813tiffany will stamp my card twice per visit bc i'm a regular there. i got the hook up i gave her a personal loan bc of how good of friends we are. the girl is having a pretty rough time, she doesn't even have a cell phone.
2814im gonna be a little bold todaywaiter, i'll have... jalapeno ranch
2815lol
28165
2817omg
2818dr who is my favorite show
2819time to get this houseparty startedYoutube -> EminemVEVO -> Play Alljust gotta wait 5 seconds to skip the ads then we're in business
2820I brag about how little sleep I get
2821dont talk to me before i've had my morning coffee*yes i'll have a double caramel mocha chai frappucino with extra whip and extra syrup"
2822My favorite video game is
2823i married someone i met at bible studies
2824I drive a chevy tahoe on rims
2825i booked my star wars tickets online so i could get an aisle seat
2826I use expedia
2827I'm leasing the rims on my leased used Land Rover
2828I list "playing video games" under "interests & hobbies" on my resume
2829I have a "hobbies & interests" section on my resume
2830I'm seriously thinking about quitting my job to focus on being a cyberathlete
2831i enjoy shows on cbs
2832i pay for a tremendously overpriced cable package despite mostly watching broadcast tv
2833i pay $45/month for 3 DVRs because i GOTTA be able to watch MAH SHOWS in every room
2834I lift weights and eat like shit as normal, this 20% bodyfat really suits me and in no way do I look like a fat clown pig.
2835same but 6ft 130lbs
2836this is 6 figgy fucktard territory a 5 FF would brag about how dunkin donuts coffee is just as good as Starbucks and saves him 6 dollars a week
2837I don't have any savings but Starbucks is addictive
2838I pay everything with cash, that way the GUBMINT can't track what I do.*spends 8 hours a day on -tracked cellphone*
2839We're closing at 8pm on Christmas, I'll get to have some cold leftovers and open presents by myself
2840the bad part about Christmas is my usual days off are Thursday and Friday so I don't get any extra days off
2841yes chef
2842
2843i wonder how many people have been suckered into a "culinary" career by the food network / the art institute. let me tell you, you can work for $8/hr in a kitchen without $40k of culinary school debt, its real easy. maybe you have to be $40k in debt if you want to work in a kitchen where you have to shout "yes chef".
2844i am so passionate about my menial service job... its because when i was little, my grandmother and i would perform this joyless chore together.
2845[AT THE INTERVIEW]I want this job because... *sniff* ...I'm sorry. Its just that my grandfather taught me how to regress to the mean, and everything else i know about spreadsheets. He died last year, I think about him every time i format a cell. This one's for you peepaw!
2846TONIGHT ON MAID WARSDo you call that a napkin swan??SOMEONE GETS "TURNED DOWN"It looks like a goose, not a swan! Get the fuck out of here!
2847i post in this thread
2848when i saw it was a tablet thread i was goign to make a joke about a spreadsheet that lists the specs of the system-on-chip cpu/gpu, but it really has one lol
2849just buy a fuckin i pad. boom saved you hours of your life
2850that's out of my price range
2851expandable memory is important to me in a tablet
2852i forgot this was a RP thread oopsoh humm i can't afford an ipad, better spend a dozen hours determining how to best utilize my $132
2853i don't have abs but that's okay, not everyone is looking for a model
2854
2855lmao
2856
2857
2858
2859lol
2860srsly though what could be an easier way to pay for something than a 1mm thin passive piece of plastic
2861a walk through scanner near the door of the establishment that picks up the items i walk through with and also my payment details from apple pay so i can just walk out the store without having to wait in line or use a terminal. to keep people from stealing shit just have the scanner be in a short 1 person hallway exit with a guard at the end of it waiting to see if shit goes through that isn't paid for
2862octocore snapdragon
2863this sounds pretty 6 figgy imo
2864my diet consists solely of processed boxed foods so this seems like a reasonable solution.
2865uh the octocore snapdragon actually performs 4% worse on the payment operations per second benchmark, hold on let me find the article
2866i keep all my personal info on a folded up piece of paper in my wallet
2867i don't have my spouse's phone number memorized
2868reward if found: $25
2869I've never logged into my bank online without hitting the "forgot password" button
2870i tried to get smart with my secret questions and now I'm locked out of my account forever
2871*get really angry when a password can't be 123456*
2872i carry my social security card in my wallet
2873*tapes work password to laptop*
2874i can't believe my identity was stolen again!
2875despite my small business's poor performance i spend what little I have lavishly so my employees think I'm an important person
2876I've never expected no received a bonus and I would initially react negatively if one was offered
2877
2878Ooc: I sometimes cant help myself watching student log in to their account during advising meetings and it's kinda unfortunate how many of their passwords are (3 to 5 letters) +12345 or +qwerty
2879my password is password. hiding in plain sight
2880I don't trust mint.com I mean what if they get hacked also I don't want reminders for how much money I spend lol I'll just leave that for the end of the month
2881*keeps bills wadded up in pocket next to keys*
2882lol
2883i like to keep the current year in my password to trick the hackers
2884also handy to let u know the last time u changed ur password
2885*password2014*fuck*password2013*fuck*password2012*ok time to check my account balance
2886its still zero!?!
2887i keep my savings account at $-0.14 in protest of the fees
2888i've never had an account balance greater than my monthly pay
2889i have a bank account that has fees/minimum balance requirements
2890[AT THE TELLER]Its your fault really, you shouldn't have let me spend the money if it weren't in my account. Well fine. I'll close out my account then! [WITH THE PERSONAL BANKER]I've decided to close my account because of all these fees, Im going to take my business elsewhere.*leaves with cashiers check for $43*
2891ooc: my aunt used to keep a piece of paper with her name, address, phone number, and hours when she was at home in a pouch where she kept her house keys. her reasoning was that if she ever lost them, whoever found them would know when she was home so they could return them to her
2892lol
2893ooc: my dad once told me to keep an extra house key in my wallet
2894*yelled out over cubicle farm to nobody in particular*whopper wednesday!!!
2895
2896you have GOT to try this Nerium, it made me look 20 years younger. i'm having a get together at my house later this week if you want to come by! free wine and cheese!
2897i'm a future mary kay sales executive
2898
2899i own a red solo cup that is actually ceramic!! the boys at the office think i'm such a joker!
2900my steam library is worth more than my retirement
2901I only eat white bread but not the crust because that just seems too healthy
2902college is for smart people
2903cannot eat the pizza w/o jalapeno cheddar dipping sauce
2904i like pizza hut/domino's/papa johns
2905if that local place is so good why aren't there more of them
2906I think rich people deserve respect
2907papa john is a very smart and rich man and i share his views regarding obamacare
2908dont post my hotmail passwordbring back old gbs fucked around with this message at Dec 23, 2015 around 16:41
2909Obama 2012
2910ftfy
2911i don't drink water
2912my boss is a father figure
2913have to work another 20 hours of unpaid ot this week but, you know, got to take the good with the bad
2914i'm just tellin it like it is!
2915call em how i see em
2916i'm not racist but,
2917i like java
2918i'm a bigot huh? god damn it this country has become so politically correct
2919i have a huntin' dog just so i can command a small, stupid creature to feel smart and powerfulit shits on my floor and i spill coors light everywhere trying to have a heart attack yelling at it
2920i'm not saying racism doesn't exist... but i'd like to see the data
2921i am persecuted as a white christian male
2922what about MY rights?!
2923why can't i call them illegals? thats what they are
2924srsly tho my one of my two IRL friends says bullshit like that and i finally stopped talking to him two weeks ago, i have been happier since severing
2925constantly having to explain that racism and sexism do indeed exist was getting more tiring than reminding my grandmother god rest her soul that its not okay to say nigger any more. no, colored isn't okay either. just say black or keep it to yourself.
2926war of northern aggression
2927
2928
2929how can you work from home?
2930working opening shift on chrsitmas and new years sucks but hey at least I get time and a half
2931plus the boss will really appreciate it. makes u valuable.
2932i have a remote for every single device
2933I refer to the counties around DC as 'occupied Virginia'
2934i can't shut the fuck up about game of thrones
2935Wow dude. Gotta get on this sick kickstarted multi remote I got. Mine took 20 hours to program and my wife has to ask to watch tv , but I got it all down to one remote!.
2936My car isn't rusty, it has a patina
2937
2938i spent 2 paychecks worth of money on my girlfriend who i've been dating for 3 months
2939i proposed to my girlfriend on christmas/valentine's day/her birthday
2940time to mail in my mensa dues
2941i was in the top 10% of my high school class.ten years ago.
2942https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4V9UXt9fYg
2943thats a horrible video-pointed-at-tv recording of a shortened version of the commercial, but the full length one is literally a dude selling his shit on the app to pay for an upcoming date lol
2944saw this and knew exactly what ad you were talking abouti like how he thinks he can make a dent in the cost of the date by selling a soccer ball
2945dollar menunaire 8)
2946on a cruise/a beach/the empire state building/a steakhouse
2947http://www.ispot.tv/ad/AAvB/wallapo...ate-night-moneylol at this gay earth
2948Can't it just be a plaza for everyone, where all people, regardless of sexual preference can hang out? Isn't this segregation? I don't know of a straight plaza, that would be wrong... I guess I'll have to stick to "dude chilling park".
2949the name of the article is kinda misleading, but seriously who gives a shit
2950ooc I think when these guys talk about a "straight plaza" what they really mean is they want a place where they can go harass women and their unwanted advances won't be rejected over and over
2951I am extremely proud being my 1/32 Cherokee and I will bring it up at all occasions
2952i buy adult coloring books
2953I want to know where you can buy adult coloring books
2954
2955http://www.amazon.com/Dune-Coloring-Book/dp/0448233568
2956gather round, children, and hear the tale. it all started when your great great grandfather raped a "native american",
2957im in nine different fantasy sports leagues but i haven't found time to read through my 401(k) paperwork
2958im just saying what we are all thinking
2959i'll save you the trouble: keep your money in there, borrow against it only for important things, like cruises or jewelry for your fat wife.
2960michaels and jo anns. i know a gal who loves them. she does them while watching tv. totally serious
2961ooc: my wife bought hers at michaels.in character: my wife bought adult coloring books
2962ooc: all my posts itt
2963i believed grandpa/dadchat when they said we're part native american as part of their ~noble savage~ fantasy
2964i'm a quarter iroquois and i saw this at a pow wow
2965this mayo is too spicy
2966i've got burn-in on my laptop screen
2967i root on the success of youtube lets players
2968My PTO balance has been maxed out for three months. I just get bored if I take more than a few days off work at a time.
2969I have a PTO balance.
2970
2971windows 10 is really good actually,
2972I bought a house that will never be profitable.
2973I have a favorite menu item at Outback Steak House.
2974I gain insight by watching TED Talks.
2975i play dota
2976I have an opinion about professional DOTA.
2977I have fresh, hot opinions about minorities/the poors that everyone wants to hear
2978roll a charisma check
2979i let my infant child play on a fucking ipad all day because i live in a house that doesn't have any books in it because i haven't read a book since i was literally at school lol
2980oh actually i bought the first game of thrones book and took it on a trip and read the first chapter before giving up its sooo lonnnggg
2981I hope Walmart is open late, with the Christmas Eve tips I'm expecting I'll just barely be able to cover the lay aw- oh shit don't sit those black people in my section, I wish America was great again
2982if you double wrap all your presents it'll feel like you're opening twice as many gifts
2983yes i will renew my sirius xm subscription plz
2984I own a vest.
2985?
2986I call and threaten to cancel every six months and they cut my rate in half. I have to wait on hold for 45 minutes but it's worth it
2987I only use gift bags, that way I can ask for them back and use them next year
2988
2989ooc: please do not maniashame itt
2990every once in a while when I get a chance to sneak outta the house I'll pay a visit to hooters / lady janes
2991alt: I bring my family to hooters
2992WHERE THE FUCK IS THE RECEIPT FOR THIS WE CANNOT AFFORD IT FOR CHRISTMAS
2993*carefully moves iPad mini to kitchen to be returned*
2994I give my family multiple gifts that say "As Seen On TV" on the packaging.
2995i leave the family Christmas gathering to line up in the walmart return line. gonna get some xbox games with all this store credit!
2996*commercial interrupts Spotify Christmas playlist*
2997I looked up a recipe for waffles so I can give my family a nice Christmas breakfast
2998Don't worry, I'm sure 30 gigs is a large enough hard drive for a laptop.
2999I bought one of my nephews an MP3 player.
3000i bpught _________ a google play gft card
3001oh nice- a crockpot
3002my family cancelled Christmas so that I could donate towards doobies dog house.
3003i have 4 xmases
3004it's always nice to have Christmas morning with the family before work, at least I didn't have the morning shift
3005ok off to work!
3006merry chrr-happy holidays!
3007passive agressive wish of happy winter holiday!!!
3008i own a chromebook
3009I'm excited to upgrade my Chromebook
3010i have three crockpots, two of them given to us by the same person two years in a row.
3011i helped mom set up her kindle fire today.
3012
3013that was last year. they fuckin love it
3014White Power
3015Rush Limbaugh is great
3016The local classic rock station is my favorite, nothing like some AC/DC to get me going towards the end of my shift
3017Playing high school football was the high point of my life so far and I bring it up whenever I get the chance over 15 years later and still follow the team
3018My couch has built in cupholders
3019At the gym I like to listen to really extreme hardcore metal like Disturbed or Rammstein
3020I commute in a full size pickup truck and care strongly about the brand of such truck
3021No homo, but
3022i purchase peeing calvin stickers accordingly
3023My house has some combination of the following features:-car port-chain link fence-gravel driveway-above ground swimming pool-pile of scrap metal
3024Modular home
3025we have two atvs but no bikes
3026*adjusts sleeve to make sure Harley Davidson tattoo is showing at the bar*
3027I have a golf cart but don't play golf
3028I'm an adult male with ear piercings
3029Back pain? Let me give you the name of my chiropractor
3030Of course he's a real doctor
3031My most used kitchen appliance is the microwave
3032Abortion is literally murdering babies. My bumper stickers reflect this belief
3033I do my grocery shopping at wal mart
3034*circles around parking lot for 15 minutes to get a spot as close to the entrance as possible*
3035Hilary Clinton is personally responsible for Benghazi
3036*shares link on Facebook *
3037Memes! Haha love these
3038I check the mail from my car before pulling up my 20 foot driveway
3039the only nonfiction books I own are from the "inspirational" section of the bookstore
3040I love playing slot machines
3041i know what those minion things are
3042i built a home server to play my terabytes of pirated media
3043I'm not a racist, I'd totally vote for Bobby Jindal
3044lo marf !!!!
3045ooc: this is everybody in yospos
3046
3047nah, too lazy to bother pirate shit noweither stream it legally or just don't watch it(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3048*sighs deeply when there's no gift receipt on xmas gift*
3049some family members spent more than me on gifts and I'm REALLY pissed about it
3050ooc: i am pretty sure both my parents and in-laws each spent more on presents for my son than my wife(*~*~) and i did
3051lol
3052I watch mma
3053Im very specific about what comes on my food at chain fast food restaurants
3054Aleksa is so smart! She can work the iPad and she's only three.
3055For Sale or Trade: Some electronicsHi I am looking to sell some of my electronics, I have bills to pay and too much of this stuff. - Computer part 1: - Computer part 2: - Computer part 3: Non-cc paypal only
3056Ooc: Never return a gift for cash or credit or "something you actually wanted", you fucking slime bag. The only acceptable reason is to get a different size if the giver guessed wrong(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3057worked six mornings now an I hate everyone and miss my friends but I still have four mornings left ?
3058i don't understand how my coworkers can complain about lack of benefits when there's free yogurt in the cafeteria
3059that's our sagebrush
3060i want a bb-8, but i'm going to wait until it starts showing up on craigslist.
3061i bought multiple Star Wars toysi am in my thirties and have no kids
3062i can't wait to get a knockoff bb8
3063I had or have kids in my twenties
3064#childfree
3065lol
3066
3067i have visited the Coupons and Deals Forum.
3068
3069
3070
3071
3072
3073i have a mortgage/car loan with a cosignee im not married to
3074
3075I just looove chinese food!*gulps down another crab rangoon*
3076Yeeeeap we gitwundem star trek fidges
3077i have a 3dtv
3078
3079hey wanna play a game? [hands u a madcatz controller] good fuckin luck connecting a hit, fucker
3080
3081its my retirement fund
3082they're not toys abd no you can't play with them. they're valuable collectables. what'd you say? the only "big pile of faggot crap" is you, go to your room
3083Check out my reel
3084i get mad when people take the plastic film off of the screen of a new device
3085i care about the backwards compatibility of my video game consoles
3086ITEMS STATUS EQUIP MAGIC PARTY > SETTINGS LANGUAGE QUIT ENGLISH > JAPANESE
3087
3088
3089
3090
3091I know exactly how far I can drive my car when the fuel gage hits empty
3092i drive miles out of the way to save 1c/gallon on gas
3093I know the full model number of something I own
3094i buy video games and never play them because purchases fill a void in my life
3095
3096my student loan payments are >= 50% of my monthly income because i HAD to go to that private school that i couldn't get a scholarship to
3097same but with a state school
3098same but with an unaccredited religious school whose domain ends in .com
3099same but i spent the student loan money on a jet skis and a pick up truck aaaand was evicted from dorms 3 weeks into my first semsester because of non-payment. bitchin' summer though
3100
3101I enjoy Kentucky fried chicken.
3102tv commericals for fast food that advertise family sized deals appeal to me as a busy parent juggling multiple jobs
3103why can't they just sell the skin am i right??
3104
3105My energy bill was $1200 higher this year because I chose the rate plan that included a free Nest thermostat.
3106I know how long the grace period is for every one of my bills.
3107You made the right choice.
3108You know what this party really needs? A jello mold.
3109I'm an alcoholic
3110I'm a single mom of two
3111my sister died when I was very young
3112I'm concerned with the costs of my healthcare.
3113When I miss a connection due to weather I sleep at the airport
3114*drives from garage to mailbox back to garage*
3115I can't get enough of the HAMILTON soundtrack!!!!
3116where are yuo going for lunch tody?Arbys
3117
3118Me: a resident of another cityYou: a Boeing 737-700 series
3119I still talk about Jello Shots and I'm not in college.
3120jeffrey, get your coat. its ladies night at the crowbar, and its $0.25 wings. come on man lets go lets go that place is gonna be crawlin with chicks man
3121dude jeffrey, no what are doing man? use a knife and fork. no girl is gonna talk to you if she thinks you're going to have spicy fingers man, jesus. this is day one shit, man.
3122yo jeffrey you gotta come over to the man cave after work, I picked up some sweet new speakers from this dude, can you believe it? he worked for some home audio place and gave me a great deal
3123
3124
3125got them out of the back of a white van, man. they're hi-end sorny
3126these sound like crap... i guess i really should have bought the monster cables
3127This is funny.
3128my rig is siiiickgot some 950 gtx's in quad sli
3129
3130i have supported many wallet/bottle opener kickstarters
3131i resent my son for not being athletically gifted
3132i resent my son for being athletically gifted
3133
3134Today is my dog's birthday
3135
3136Diane, bring your bowl of crockpot chicken into the rumpus room, wheel of fortune is on!
3137Buy an "h"? What is that idiot thinking? I clearly could have solved this
3138Danm she won a trip to Aruba! Jealous
3139I can't afford a 401k*makes payment to credit card for xbox one*
3140dude lol don't go into debt. just get one at rent-a-center, $19 a week
3141contract-to-hire job postings appeal to me
3142i dont own everything inside my house
3143i rent a mcmansion out in the burbs.
3144i'll just have a glass of water
3145tap water. he heard me say "tap" right? uuuugugughahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHH
3146lets see, the waiter came by at this frequency, multiplied by a quality factor of 0.7, plus a base %5 of total bill subtracting the cost of alcohol (what, its more work to pour a miller than it is a water??), minus the 4 demerits he earned for insisting on reading the specials, aaaand *pulls out andriod calculator app,* thats the tip
3147
3148
3149I buy early access games on steam cause they're cheaper than when they go live. if I don't like them, I just request a refund.
3150ha-ha yeah i know - i was way better at beer pong back in community college tho.
3151i play beer pong at bars
3152i'm against unions
3153I go to bars to spend $4 per Bud Lite.
3154youre allowed to work from home?
3155im only allowed to work from under a strict corporate policy my boss allows only for "exceptional circumstances"
3156I don't take vacations, I take staycations
3157instead of spending money on a vacation, I can buy a new alienware
3158*saves ribbon for wrapping next year*
3159*still wears a LiveStrong bracelet*
3160We Are!
3161Michael Vick is a piece of shit. I can't believe they signed him. Take us all the way, Big Ben!
3162
3163*in hospital waiting room* at least we hit our deductible for the year. hopefully you're out of here by jan 1
3164
3165*has Fox sports theme as ringtone*AHHHHH this song PUMPS ME UP whenever I hear it!! Reminds me of football!!
3166ooc: I have "Roundball Rock" by John Tesh ( the NBA on NBC theme) because it's a goddamn great song.(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3167I have a ringtone on my phone
3168I paid for the ringtone on my phone.
3169*darth vader theme plays*oh geez what could the boss want now??
3170
3171Ha, get a load of the one for my wife*plays police sirens ringtone*
3172my wife won't let me choose my own ringtones.
3173my neighbourhoodhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP7k08Ytdq4
3174honestly pete I don't know how you put up with herwell not all of it's that bad, heh *nervously adjusts ring on finger*
3175I'm straight.
3176it's actually the imperial march
3177lmoarf
3178she lets you set it to that??
3179
3180what the
3181I get sad when celebrities dieooc: Was the homeowner himself arrested at one point? That was a twist
3182i'm in the middle of the country on super shit internet and can't skip through a 12 minute video. what's going on in it?
3183trailer park boys
3184it appears he uh, had a blowtorch thing of sorts and aimed it at the cops lol
3185ooc: fucking hell. most of that video is bad enough but the bikes getting hit and that one kid getting the shit kicked out of him
3186LOL
3187
3188lmao
3189i am not a tedious 37 year old retard and i have no opinions about video codecs
3190i live in the suburbs and im really mad that the city I can't afford to live in has introduced traffic calming measures to improve the quality of life of its own actual residents
3191bummed about Lemmy*changes facebook profile pic to lemmy costume on halloween 10 years ago*
3192i should get some security cameras
3193my favourite genres of tv are reality and police procedural
3194or soap opera, variety show, daytime talk show etctv in general is for 5 figgy people
3195i know what number any channel is other than cbs, fox, abc, nbc, or pbs
3196Somebody fucked around with this message at Dec 30, 2015 around 10:55
3197First, Obamacare killed my wife's full-time job and the health insurance that came with it. Then Obamacare drove personal health insurance costs into the stratosphere, so I now pay more per month on it than I do for my mortgage. $973 a month is what it costs us to go to a doctor, which is ridiculous and every politician who voted for this disaster should be hung from a lamppost. Until it's repealed or collapses, though, the money has to come from somewhere.
3198I think feminism is the reason I'm not a millionaire.
3199Computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer computer
3200I have a creepy anime avatar
3201graph ran on a platform of removing anime but here we are this earth is garbage #recallgraph #graphfail
3202my son wants anime dvds but they're so expensive!!!!
3203I pay for porn
3204dos equis is such a great beer. i love an exotic flavor now and again
3205i watch porn instead of having sex with attractive women and/or my ugly partner
3206i don't drink diet soda, asparatame is so bad for yoularge Coke please, no ice
3207I have IBS because of my genes, not my diet
3208jeffrey its $0.25 wing night again, get your coat. who gives a fuck if fire crotch is there? just wash your hands better this time
3209the waitress there really likes me, she always gives me free sodas. last night she drew a smiley face on my receipt i think she's really into me
3210i need this in order to save any money
3211actually, you fucking plebian. you ignoramous. you LITERAL 5 figgy FUCKTARD!!! Many people of the *AHEM* Jewish Persuasion have GENETIC gastrointestinal issues and GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT RETARD? We're rich. Idiot. FAggot(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3212
3213
3214i think lowtax is funny when he does zany things
3215kick up the monkey a notch, and a lil more cheese
3216i do even own a tv. it is turned on constantly to drown out the sound of traffic and our upstairs neighbors. i won't be able to afford a new one when this one dies.
3217*is instantly persuaded by any argument*Good point, IBS is genetic after all
3218I'm an undecided voter
3219My favorite song is whatever's on the radio, played at a reasonable volume.I like all the genres except country and (c)rap
3220When I vote at all, I'm a single issue voter and that single issue is something I just heard about last week but have VERY STRONG opinions about.
3221
3222there comes a time and a place in every man's life where he has to stand up to his bully. for me, that time is now, and teh place is my grandma's funeral. *hides tube of preperation h in her casket* haha people are going to think u got hemeroids in heaven
3223dear diary, date went poorly. drank too much beam and couldn't get it up. got mad at myself and started punching myself in the face, you know, to prove i'm a man. that seemed to help my boner situation so i kept going. got carried away and knocked out a tooth. bethany left but still managed a good j/o sesh.
3224u ever notice how electrons orbit the nucleus, and planets orbit the sun? pretty similar, i bet these concepts are related. gonna swing by the uni today to see if i can discuss this idea with a prof
3225dude, never enter a building without knowing how you'll get out incase if someone starts a ruckus
3226watch me whip, watch me nae nae, doesn't mattah, that i'm thirtay
3227why do they call it power 98 when the freq is 97.5? everything about that station is just clicks and whistles to me, man
3228im an independent voter, i make up my own mind!*votes straight-ticket for a single party 99% of the time*
3229saying ur undecided makes u seem smart. like ur carefully balancing all the decisions. it also helps prevent partisan IBS flare-up inducing arguments.
3230i've maintained a careful ignorance of economics, politics, and pretty much everything, because reality just keeps getting more and more depressing.
3231same
3232
3233we're staying together for the health insurance
3234my cuckhold fetish was developed as a coping mechanism
3235why should i pay attention to the news? it's always bad!
3236learning new things is actively uncomfortable for me now and i try to avoid it because i have a pavlovian association between knowledge and highschool
3237what is that, a book? just google for the answer dood
3238let me tell you about a cool site i found called Yahoo Answers
3239yet another life problem. le sigh. *clicks askreddit tab*
3240I'm not going to a shrink, what do you think I am, crazy or something???*destroys fourth Xbox controller this year by whipping it through the drywall*
3241last book I read? The Secret.
3242ive been featured on bye felipe
3243Life is so crazy stressful right now. Must be the full moon!
3244
3245I have a television set in my bedroom.
3246I use a Nintendo Wii to watch Netflix.
3247lol
3248
3249I'm not gonna eat anything today so I can be super drunk tonight*passes out at 8pm*
3250snort an ibuprofen before you drink, you can get drunk for cheaper
3251Functioning livers are for pussies, who wants to live forever?
3252I think we need better mental health care in the country, and will support my friends who need help. NO I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT SEE A THERAPIST FOR ANYTHING IM NOT FUCKING CRAZY. ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE NEED THERAPISTS.edit: forgot about ian when i wrote this, woopscraisins fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2015 around 19:37
3253sweet the football team of the college i graduated from 13 years ago beat the team of a college a coworker graduated from 10 years ago, can't wait to lord it over him
3254actually hilarious
3255the raspberry pi is only $5 now!
3256going home, James? alright bro see you next year HA HA
3257this but highschool football
3258bro I'm good to drive TRUST ME BRO
3259I'm a uber driver so I'm really excited to drive for the surge pricing, hope I don't get too many drunks
3260I can't remotely afford my next credit card bills but I spent about half my paycheck on fireworks
3261I'm going to my colleges bowl game but I'm just going to tailgate because $50 for a ticket? boy Christmas just took it out of me
3262FUCKGET TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE MIDNIGHTI just got done paying my $3,000 annual deductible and I can't afford that because the damn firework blew up in my hand
3263same, except we went to the hospital for mental health reasons, caused by stress over money.
3264why would you go to the hospital for something as stupid as mental health??? let people with real injuries get treated instead
3265garbage-plate.jpg
3266
3267yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3268it's common sense, people.
3269(12:30 AM Jan 1) oh man I haven't showered ALL YEAR ha ha
3270There is more to life than money
3271True wealth is measured in friendships
3272resolution: finally pay off the couch I bought in 2013
3273The store brand soda is just as good
3274I value having great life experiences and great stories to tell most of all!*the only story i ever tell everyone is about this time i did shrooms with my roommate and totally freaked out man it was craaaazy*
3275I'm a yosposter
3276wrong rp thread
3277I'm forums poster "the management"
3278i defend billion dollar people / corporations to the death despite the fact that they don't care about me and it's against my best interest
3279i can only afford one videogame console so i've built an entire identity around why the one i picked is the best and the rest are worthless
3280I save $600 a year by not joining our union .
3281Waddya mean I can't join the union the day I get my pink slip???
3282I own all three major consoles and both portables but might not make rent this month.
3283Thinking about picking up a titan and getting back into wow tho
3284"I'm here to buy a new work shirt""Ok what are your measurements?""Um... Large and Extra-Large?"
3285
3286I have brand loyalty
3287Thinking about making forum software called titan
3288I think brands don't have any effect on me and my rational purchasing decisions that all happen to be top brands.
3289lol there's no way i'd ever get a pink slip. im a hard worker and im sure my loyalty will pay off in the future
3290i like buttsooc: errybody like butts lol
3291ACTUALLY, emissions testing and emission control lower the miles per gallon a car gets so in reality, it's really worse for the environment.
3292The limit of my cooking skills is the microwave*burns popcorn*
3293I only have beer and condiments in my fridge
3294Fast food is cheaper than buying groceries
3295cash savings? why do that when I can just carry a balance on one of my numerous credit cards
3296you're not management material
3297i type "asmr" into youtube instead of seeing a therapist or a masseuse
3298*Signs financing on 40ft RV*
3299Whatdya mean I can't bring it into the state park? That's bullcr*p!*goes anyway, immediately gets stuck in mud shoulder, blocking road and backing up traffic for miles*Progressive JPEG fucked around with this message at Jan 3, 2016 around 21:21
3300i finance a boat
3301i go on cruises
3302my wife needs a new suv we've got another kid on the way*finances a tahoe
3303gotta stay safe from all those bad drivers.wait hang on i'm on hold with visa i'll call you right back
3304*sips 32oz latte with free hand. now there are 0 hands on the wheel*
3305i book vacation packages
3306ooc: when I was like 14 or 15 I got a job at a place that did Mac repair as an assistant. the lead guy took me to on-site calls every so often. fucker would buy a huge bag of skittles and dump them into the center console tray of his car and read the fucking newspaper while driving with his knees and eating skittles(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3307that guy is awesome
3308from expedia
3309ooc: fuck expedia the prices aren't any lower and if you have to cancel or they overbook then you are fucked(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3310ooc: I was at a destination wedding last year and when checking in some people next to me couldn't understand why there were no rooms left since they had booked through expedia(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3311how is that legal? they don't actually book the room for you?
3312i think those guys in oregon have some legitimate grievances. here, read these websites if you don't agree
3313I studied game art and design at a for-profit college even though I could have easily qualified for a public university. they mostly made us do a shitton of busy work all of which belongs to the college now. course work was often 80 hours a week so I couldn't hold down a job. Government student loans didn't cover it so I put everything on my numerous lines of credit.I made some great connections and with my solid work ethic, I easily landed a job working for one of my teachers from the college. the salary barely covers my payments and living expenses. I hope to land a job at Blizzard one day. only 25 years till I'm debt free!
3314housing affordability is clearly a supply-demand problem. there's just not enough houses for all the people that wanna live here! let developers convert prime agricultural land into highrise condos, and property values will become more affordable to people like us.
3315as a current mortgage holder, I must concur in solidarity with those worse off than myself*knows it will actually produce the opposite effect and raise the value of nearby homes*
3316can you recommend us a wine, something not too bitter?
3317$1000 minimum balance?! that's bullshit!
3318ill take a white zinfandelyou dont have that? what about a moscato?
3319i had to stop contributing to this thread, because my therapist told me to focus on the positive things in life. and by "therapist," i mean the book i bought because i can't afford a therapist right now.
3320
3321hm, 260 new poasts i could have read by clicking the ? under my av
3322we're going to wait a bit before we take our honeymoon
3323*observes family traditions related to getting married*
3324*shaves head despite not balding*
3325*wears shoes around carpeted house*
3326gonna just get one ear pierced, dont wanna look like a fag
3327You know what they say, any landing you can walk away from and go dormant from for months and fail half your scientific goals because of
3328
3329*goes into debt and/or spends more than half of life savings on wedding*
3330*hosts wedding and reception at local lions club, pot luck dinner and visibly pregnant bride, bride and groom are over 250lbs and under 20* ooc: i actually attended this wedding, i said it would last 6 months and it was more like 10, the best man married the bride a few years later(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3331I'm here to get a new work shirtyou get a free one each year and any extras are $10 each
33326$ for the #CompassCard . #Translink are you f***ing kidding me? This whole thing is stupid.
3333*has carpets in house*
3334this fake wood looks just like the real thing. more durable too!
3335I use the ad-supported version instead of paying a little bit more to get no ads. I don't know what kind of idiot would waste their money
3336hey they got red bulls at the bar!!
3337wood paneling looks good in any situation and especially all over the fucking place. my house looks exactly the same as every other house in my neighborhood and i am okay with that for some reason.
3338That isn't a 5 figgy fucktard, please relocate this comment to the 6 Figgy Fucktard thread.
3339I'm color blind
3340left is right, right is wrong
3341I POOPED
3342
3343actually it's called a double wide
3344but enough about your desk chair
3345i make less than $100,000/year
3346
3347cicis is my favorite pizza mostly because I can finally feel satisfaction
3348i lost my house in my divorce
3349actually my buddy has a trailer and has added a lot of things onto it like a porch and a carport and you'd be hard pressed to tell it from a site-built house. it even has an above ground pool!
3350I forgot to tap out and it charged me for all three zones.
3351i vote in local election against fractional percent sales tax increases to expand access to public transportation i depend on daily
3352my idea of a nice car is a Volkswagen
3353my whole life is spent chasing those fleeting 10 minutes of satisfaction before it's time to rush to the bathroom. i drink alcohol in the same way
3354my idea of a nice car is anything made by a non-Axis power
3355man, if I just had a million dollars, I'd be set for life. I'd tell my boss off and never work again.
3356I'm relieved by the "pretend to be poor" thread on the comedy computer forum where I can vent about the daily life experiences I have while under the pretenses of roleplaying so as not to be judged by my richer, more successful peers
3357I like pink floyd
3358Im something of a dj online
3359my username is dj_something
3360really they proved that you stop getting happier the more u make once you get to like $70,000 so im doing just fine
3361*shares heavily-artifacted picture from a radio station i have never heard of*
3362*changes facebook profile pic to local sports team's logo*
3363owning a harly davidson and only a harly davidson is a significant life goal of mine
3364can't wait for the jeff dunham show tonight!
3365i don't really like music
3366I just spent the last half hour organising my spare change and it turns out I have $50 just lying around unused
3367Jimmy Fallon sure is funny and totally knows how to relate to me, a millennial young adult.
3368Jokes on you, I bought a digital smart piggybank that tracks my spare change for me! I'm gonna save so much now! [It cost $150]
3369time to hit the coinstar!
3370Recently bought an Amazon echo and got one wifi outlet switch. Talking I the echo to turn off the lights has sold me on the Internet of things. Actually pretty excited to automate my home this year!
3371*buys industrial sized toilet paper pack*well you know we'll eventually need it
3372*doesn't buy industrial sized toilet paper pack*I don't have space to store that much toilet paper
3373i'm excited about virtual reality.
3374I keep my mental arithmetic strong by spending time at the bottled water aisle working out which brand, size, and multi-buy deal allows me to buy bulk water the cheapestThis is a necessity because the tap water at my apartment and surrounding neighbourhood is known to contain dangerous amounts of lead
3375i did that yesterday, except comparing boost, ensure, and the store-brand meal replacement drinks. fortunately with the generic stimulants i'm on, that's all i have to eat.
3376just go to wal-mart they tell you the unit price on every tag!
3377instead of a bonus, we got gift cards to the cheesecake factory and i'm ok with this.
3378oculus rift preorders start on wednesday! you getting yours?!
3379i can't afford it, but someday i'll fold up some cardboard and stick Last Year's Phone into it.
3380im thinking about getting into papercraft after i saw a cool reddit post about it
3381Whenever possible I park my 4x4 truck up on a snowbank. This is the most "off-road" it will ever experience.
3382Let's go muddin!
3383there's a guy at my job who does this with his jacked-up jeep, using a pile of plowed snow, and it is extremely tempting to nudge it over.
3384ooc: what % of jeeps have been off-road?
3385ooc: going off-road in your jeep voids the warranty
3386i have gone into debt to modify my truck for muddin, mostly adding a large amount of vertical lift and incredibly expensive, noisy, fuel-guzzling tires
3387Im racist
3388i'm totally not racist
3389
3390i luv guns!!
3391I open carry
3392What do you mean I can't take my gun into the bar? Thats where I usually get into fights!
3393I'm a woman
3394My office job primarily involves the use of 10 year old internal web applications and excel
3395I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to!! I have people skills!! I am good at dealing with people!!! Can't you understand that?!?
3396I quote Office Space constantly
3397
3398*said to me by a fucking IDIOT a fucking PLEBE as i browse the 'yos*hey whats that hacker site u always read??
3399my job is centered around activex controls
3400my bathroom breaks are timed at work
3401get paid to post!
3402I think im happy
3403i have self-diagnosed depression but won't see anyone about it
3404I will never be able to afford to live the life I want
3405Tequila just makes my clothes fall off lol!
3406I have a type of liqour I love, and a type I'll steadfastly refuse because it makes me ~~crazy~~
3407of course my vehicle needs a snorkel, what kind of stupid question is that?
3408did you see the latest Dilbert? isn't it just like our office??? haha wow he must be spying on us!!
3409everyone stop to look at this dilbert i printed out and brought around to everyone's desk and will tape up on the break room door!
3410(alternatively if i'm a girl) everyone stop to look at this some_ecards thing i printed out and brought around to everyone's desk and will tape up on the break room door!
3411A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part haha!
3412I'm a sexist
3413I'm taking the ice bucket challenge!
3414I eat meals in front of the TV.
3415I actually like things.
3416I have a battery case for my android phone
3417why would anyone ___
3418i watch tv/movies on tv with ads even though i own the dvd/bluray that doesnt have ads
3419both of them are wild turkey 101you haven't tried bourbon until you've pounded a pint of this outside a football stadiumit's only for eagles home games, though. i can't get that ~*~crazy~*~ when traveling
3420i watch recorded television on my dvr but don t bother to skip the ads
3421Gin makes you sin
3422ooc: i've been asked this a few times and the idea of verbalizing an explanation of what the SA forums are is so horrible i just switch tabs and say "nothing"(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3423sin makes me grin
3424I keep an itemized budget in an excel spreadsheet detailing how much I can afford to spend on basic necessities such as rent, food, laundry, travel to work, etc
3425
3426I too was in the marines
3427my gun collection is worth more than my car/house
3428i post in the "rp a 5 figgy fucktard" thread
3429
3430I'm a fan of the Eagles
3431i am incapable of even taking a shit without mindlessly swiping on my phone because i have the attention span of a child and the idea of just being alone with my thoughts for even a few seconds is too much
3432every one of my swipes is perfectly calculatedI'm the best at temple run
3433i have to coordinate my breaks with other employees
3434I have multiple bank accounts across many banks in order to hide money from myself
3435Store branded credit cards only, please.
3436My red card gets me 10% off at Target
3437it's only five percent
3438i want to churn credit cards for reward miles but i don't meet the minimum salary for any of the good ones
3439but I've also saved $21.67 since October 2014 using the cartwheel app.
3440i switched banks for a free ipod shuffle
3441they stopped offering me free balance transfers
3442I obsessively post in the 5 figgy fucktard thread
3443we didn't get christmas bonuses this year because our boss told us it would have put us into the next tax bracket and we'd actually earn less money. he's so thoughtful.
3444i switched banks for a free shotgun
3445i own multiple AR-15s and am looking at purchasing another as i feel this is an important component to my personal freedom
3446For my Christmas bonus I had a choice between a $60 movie voucher, a shopping discount coupon, and a smart card for my metro system loaded with $40 credit which prominently features my employer's brandingI opted for the smart card as this was the option that most closely resembles real money and was pleasantly surprised when I was allocated one through preferential lucky draw
3447Is this a complaint? Sounds nice to me. I hope you picked the metro card. I would have picked the metro card.
3448what no its not like that. my wife and i live together with my parents and my younger sister cause we enjoy it and it saves us all money!
3449our three cats don't really get along with their schnauzer but they'll get to used to
3450i built a little room inside our bedroom for the baby
3451well my dad did but i helped
3452hopefully the contract position i interviewed for can turn into something permanent and i can pay him back for the materials
3453he tripped over the ps4 on his way back upstairs and seemed really angry but didn't say anything
3454we've been there for about three months now but my mom hasn't really said anything to me
3455i mean that seems strange right? especially with both of us being home all day
3456what are you talking about? ok, first of all we didn't split up. it was just a break. secondly, the kid looks just like me.
3457it's a good thing they're letting my wife keep working despite being seven months pregnant. don't know what we'd do for money
3458gpoy
3459when we told my mom we were pregnant she was so happy she started sobbing and had to lock herself in her bedroom
3460
3461Women are just a distraction.
3462I still live in the small town I grew up in, hang out with the same people I have since high school, and married my high school sweet heart.
3463Hell I still drive my high school truck.
3464Rollin Coal
3465I've got everything I could ever want right here. why leave?
3466I have never been out of the country. I went to the next state over on a field trip once though.
3467
3468i define my life by the bands i love and the concerts i've been to, and i never stop talking about them. i complain about how expensive the tickets are, but i'll always buy them anywaythis post also works for sports
3469this one time i went to burning man, you know, before it sold out. highlight of my life.
3470my resume has eight jobs on it but only goes back 18 months
3471the only reason i haven't applied to work uber/lyft is because my car wouldn't qualify.
3472i took out a loan for a brand new bmw to drive for uber. people will hire me because they want to ride in something nice
3473Im training to be an mma fighter
3474I watch mma fights
3475i've gotten job offers from multiple fortune 500 companies right now i'm torn between walmart and mcdonaldsactually i'll need both to pay rent
3476sweet brother keep an eye out for me I'll be the fat white dude with all the tattoos
3477My name is James
3478Rule 36 LOLLLLL
3479i just searched a former roommate's job on glassdoor so that i could feel better about my own salary.
3480same
3481I called in sick so I could watch AGDQ live. I'll pick up extra shifts to make up for it when it's over.
3482I think it's funny to say that Idiocracy wasn't supposed to be a documentary and I say it often. Also I'm more than passingly familiar with the movie Idiocracy.
3483i use body spray
3484I buy cheap makeup and wonder why it doesn't look as good as the photo on the box
3485I have tribal tattoos
3486i have a dui
3487ooc: I did that shit for yeeeeeeeears and it never stopped, id like to see the person with so much debt that credit card jackals won't take a flyer(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3488it's me. lol!
3489it's not just debt, it's credit score. i have a bunch of hard inquiries due to trying and failing to buy a house last year. i'm a millennial.
3490love to shit inside of nigger assholes ooc: I AM OBSESSED WITH MY SEXUALITY(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3491i check credit karma every week and look forward to seeing if my $20 minimum payment has raised my credit score
3492dude, the powerball is 800 million, of course i'm getting tickets
3493keepin this bumped up so the other fora can enjoy reading about IT employees ownin themselves
3494im big on twitter
3495cant wait to bump this on 5pm!!!! TGIF!!!!
3496i know all about weird twitter. hell, you could say i helped make it...
3497hmmm
3498i'm super mad about the five figgy fucktard thread probably because it hits too close to home
3499I smoke cigarettes for the extra breaks
3500when i'm out of quarters for the laundry i just spray febreze on my clothes until payday
3501i ration my showers to conserve hot water usagetoday is another quick splash of my pits day!
3502
3503you can't win unless you play!
3504I spent $200 on powerball tickets, had to use my credit card.It's not gonna matter when I win the jackpot though
3505The fucking Occulus Rift preorder site won't let me use multiple credit cards!
3506lol
3507any good lotto player knows you can't use your credit card to buy ticketsboo this man
3508Trap sprung, you'd need to do a cash advance at an atm first, the lottery in most places is cash onlyE:
3509i just emailed a guy on craigslist to make an offer on his google cardboard.
3510he's asking $25 for it because it has a picture of kylo ren on it, from the new star wars, which makes it a collector's item, apparently.
3511in canada you can, and infact its smarter to use a credit card because its tracable and you still claim the prize if you lose your ticket http://news.nationalpost.com/news/c...versized-chequebut on the other hand it starts accruing interest immidiatly because it counts as a cash withdrawal
3512I brought lunch to work to save money, every little bit counts TGIF! SHOTS ON ME AT MCKINLEYS!!!!!
3513I'm sure this isn't putting people into credit card debt because they don't understand.
3514ooc: lmao nice one(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3515OOC: let me try againI don't play the lottery, the government takes more than half of it anyway (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3516playing the lottery is good because the proceeds from ticket sales go right back into our public schools
3517
3518lol(ooc: lol)
3519pls link to the actual post, im not figuring that shit out
3520*in a super sarcsatic voice, u r emberassed when u hear it*omg dude ur rp is off the hook
3521it's important to me that my opinions about posters in a figgy thread are given voice and weight
3522i have a 10 commandments sign in my front yard. printing them on cheap cardboard and putting them on a post in my yard will really stick it to those liberal atheist fucktards.
3523if Sanders doesn't get teh nomination I'm voting for Trump
3524my computer has a disc drive
3525I live comfortably and can be rest assured I will not fall into crippling debt if I have to go to the hospital, and while I may not have the financial means to live my dreams, the reality is I can still be happy without material wealth as I am surrounded by natures beauty even in the city.Namaste, friends
3526Things you can do that will enhance your life that cost almost nothing:Go on a hikeRide your bicycle on one of our many trailsVisit one of our many rivers or lakesMake a traditional Maori carving from driftwood and a knifeCollect shells
3527it's a pm begging someone to help him troll from the cat jail
3528thank you for your support, ally of YOSPOS.
3529i have a sign above my toilet that notifies guests: "if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown let it down"
3530There are many meals that can be healthy, nutritious and delicious without putting a strain on your budget.
353118 eggs1lb lentils6 cups beef stockSriracha to tasteCombine ingredients in slow cooker and simmer for 8 hours or until grey and delicious. Freezes well.I stole this from YLLS but its good and a cheap way to get the 500 grams of protein per day that I need to keep up my thrice-monthly chest+biceps workout.
3532I play wow to the exclusion of everything else. I bought a house. I rented out all the rooms except the smallest. I make exactly enough off the rent to:-pay the mortgage-pay the bills-pay my wow subscription-pay for a bag of instant mashed potato and a box of instant gravy once per week.At the start of the week, I make up the mashed potato and gravy, put it in the fridge and then throughout the week when I get hungry i heat up some of my mashed potato.
3533the life ~
3534It's so nice being your own boss
3535ooc: what the fuck
3536i eat a poor man's soylent daily
3537i know all of the hot seo keywords for your new hooker website
3538i have to manufacture spending to meet credit card signup bonuses or just to take advantage of their benefits
3539look at this guy. u might call him a loser. but he has a hobby he loves and can afford to pay for it without mooching off anyone. can u say the same???
3540its called a shower beer, and its awesome
3541jeffrey get ur coat and a $20 bill, lets go make fun o fthe nerds at the anime convention. they are the real losers, not us!!
3542I loved Britney's In The Zone
3543Things just went from bad to worse for me.I had 7 Serves that I was funding with my Barclaycard Travelocity Amex (each AU has their own Amex # so they each could fund their own Serve). All 7 were shutdown of course.Woke up this morning to find that my Travelocity account has been shut down now, along with my Aviator. They also closed my wife's brand new Hawaiian MC and her Aviator as well which are under a totally separate account.The timing sure seems like Amex reached out to Barclay and told them what was going on...
3544Well crap, and double crap. I was having fun doing MS at the start of the year and was pounding away at both my 1VIP Serve cards and maxed one of them out yesterday with the max $5000 with multiple hits at Rite-A and Family $. I got an email today from Serve saying the account has been flagged for "unusual usage pattern.... Effective immediately you will no longer be able to add money to your account. You will continue to have access to the funds and can withdraw them... Once your balance reaches $0, please close your account."I don't suppose anyone else has experienced this? Since it's tied to my SSN, does that mean I can't switch to BB or some other variant Serve account?
3545Bluebird's demise is painful for me--really painful. We have been working it for about 3 years, but the last year was a lot more fun and more spend than previous years. We built a lot of miles and will use them on Southwest and Hyatt exclusively. We booked our Amtrak trip for early May months ago, before the ability to use UR points for Amtrak went away. Fortunately, we have a business with a lot of expenses and will get 2X on our timeshare fees. I wish I could figure out a way to pay those fees with my 5X Staples gift cards with Chase Ink. I don't think the companies will be thrilled getting multiple debit cards for a $800 maintenance fee. Maybe I can work it out somehow, but doubtful. I guess money orders? I can do that in a small amount. Our Walmart always looks at us with suspicious side-glances when we go to the money center express (Kate). I was getting tired of it, frankly.
3546so what was the scam and is there still a way for me to get in on it?
3547ooc: agreed
3548CC churning for signup / usage rewards points
3549i spent my last paycheck buying powerball tickets
3550my parents call me up to remind me to get powerball tickets because the jackpot is so high
3551because a $2 million win just isn't worth it.
3552if I won the lotto....
3553if I won the lotto I'd do something other than give it to private equity firms to aggressively invest for the benefit of my Cayman Islands company
3554timeshares.
3555If I won the lotto I'd buy my parents and myself a new house then go on a world tour, when I returned I'd invest the leftovers in a video game company.
3556if i won the lotto at its current value i would have enough money so that nobody in my family line will ever be able to get rid of it no matter how hard they fuck up and the money will keep snowballing due to our broken estate tax system and eventually it will wind up with my little shit of a great grandson who never spent a single second outside the bubble of constant on-hand waiting servants and mansions who will be so detached from the rest of the world and so assured of his own supremacy over it that he will invest all his time, money and power in manipulating the political system to gain even more money and power while ensuring the rest of the country remains at the five figgy fucktard level. somewhere, far below his future giant space elevator mansion in geosynchronous orbit, a disgruntled space computer repairman jacks in to the cybernet to semi-ironically post about how dumb it is to play the lotto.
3557Yeah but what video game company would you invest in?
3558can I invest in Valve before they stopped making half lifes? that's the game company i want to invest in
3559Invest in some competent project management at Bethesda
3560http://www.vice.com/read/addicted-t...ery-tickets-511
3561One of those autism facial expression charts and some kind of "already said that line" table for the npcs would really go a long way over there
3562
3563we live in a world where the government happily peddles hope and the illusion of safety security and happiness that actual winning brings, without any effort to actually make it happen so it ends up as an extremely regressive tax on people who can least afford it - those in dire straits alreadyso fucking depressing
3564I'm gonna win the lottery and buy a boat and a 4 wheeler
3565here's another good article about his life as a gas station cashier. i wish he'd write more http://www.vice.com/read/an-exhaust...on-employee-456
3566You could spend $50k per day and have money for 72 years and that's if you keep it as cash in a mattress without any interest
3567in that case I'll get 2 4-wheelers
3568what if I buy Serta, how many mattresses could I store my remaining money under?
3569how many mattresses would i have if i spent all of it on mattresses? how tall would the mattress mountain be?
3570put it into wolfram alpha spergmaster flash. bitch.
3571he's right
3572didn't some australian group literally buy every number for some american state lotto and win it because they did the math and it worked out?
3573it's common, the risk isn't that you'd win it, is if someone else got the numbers and they had to split the pot you'd end up a net loss
3574also it doesnt work because you have to buy them in person in cash and lol good luck buying 300 million lotto tickets in person
3575YeahI normally buy a ticket when it's huge like this (yeah yeah yeah) and I'd pick retired Orioles numbers. Then it dawned on me that even if it hit I'd have to split it with a bunch of people who all had the same dumb idea
3576Your winning numbers, 4 5 8 20 22 33 *remaining half of Baltimore is burned is the ground*
3577if i could prognosticate the lotto numbers i'd announce them at a sporting event like the cool uncle vagrant from step-by-step did in that one episode that we all remember
3578CD Projekt Red
3579
3580fuck you Baltimore owns
3581do you think there are still people who play the numbers from LOST in the lotto?
3582i only watch the DC affiliate stations, because i don't want to associate with ~baltimore~
3583I don't even own a TV
3584I own 5 tvs
3585how much p/w on rent to own?
3586Not too bad at all, if I just pay every week on time i'll own them outright in 3 years
3587yep. there's nothing like a vizio brand television
3588The 50" vizio smart tv is only 26 bucks weekly for 3 years
3589The SA forums are blocked at work under the 'tasteless' category, but I just browse the forums on my phone anyways
3590for my powerball numbers I just do all of my kids ages1, 3, 9, 21, 37 and my special needs one is my bonus number of 44
3591i always say i have three kids, little billy and jane and also my husband!!!!
3592I bought a 1.2kg bag of M&Ms;
3593i measure bulk american chocolate candy in kilograms
3594i make six figures but in non american money
3595Kick the shit out of this euro-haver!
3596I Love Another Country I've Never Visited But Surely (France/Japan/Germany/Finland) Will Understand Me
3597* buys exercise machine ** leaves it to collect dust in basement after 2 weeks *
3598
3599This is soooooo funny XD
3600I don't have to wait for Uncle Sam, the cash advance/tax place will give me my refund now!see you at rent a center, we're watching the super bowl on a big freaking screen
3601Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahhahahahahahha
3602heres a money saving pro-tip: buy the TV, home theater system and couch from sears and then return it all the day after the super bowl
3603
3604LOL Goldmine!
3605lol
3606as bad as this thread is, it was worth it for this
3607this is also for buying great big grills at walmart for the fourth; don't even have to clean up afterward!
3608i maintain an ironic personality on a dying internet forumi also get really upset if anyone points out that this isnt funny
3609i passive aggressively post on an internet forum in my spare time
3610i have spare time
3611I don't own a necktie
3612ooc: nice rp, forums poster space pope
3613omg dude ur RP is off the hook
3614my job title is digital apprentice. i'm hoping to get promoted to digital mage soon to help pay off my out of state school loans
3615i refer to neckties as nooses
3616I live in Canada.
3617this thread stinks
3618i have wainscotting in my house.
3619my landlord won't put wainscoting in my rental
3620i vote in millionaires' best interest because i'm starting a company
3621
3622they'll be laughing in 70 years when those numbers finally hit.
3623yea I make six figgies before taxes. after taxes I post itt.
3624I like marshmallows
3625ive never been in a major foreign airline carrier's lounge outside the united states
3626I like marshmallow flavoured breakfast cereal with a cartoon character on the box because it reminds me of my childhood
3627i vote in millionaires' best interest because It's the Right Thing to Do and they'll create me some jobs eventuallynice crossposting from the bubel thread
3628yeah i feel an above usual amount of self loathing and shame for having so many dumb posts in this bad thread
3629ok guys powerball pool is $20 buyin
3630can i do more than that
3631I'm a chinese student selling powerball tickets to foreign nationals at a 30% markup. I charge an additional 5% finder's fee on any potential winnings. There is no legally foreseeable way to transfer 800 million dollars into China btw
3632why would the winner want to?
3633a couple weeks ago I made some soup and froze it. today I melted the soup and ate it.
3634glad to hear that thermodynamics is still working
3635it's cold in my apartment so i purposefully chose a dinner that would require use of my oven and then left the oven door open for a while afterwards
3636I didn't win the powerball
3637
3638i matched two :checks site: wtf you have to match 3 for a payout ??
3639I don't have any direct reports.
3640I only get 6 vacation days a year, and they can't be holidays
3641I take plenty of vacation days but I have to always be available to come in on an hour's notice.
3642I don't have vacation days but if I want off I just get my boss not to schedule me that week
3643i sometimes have to pick up my boss's kid from school and drive them and their friends around if my boss is really busy
3644I base purchasing decisions on which product has the $5 mail-in rebate deal and then forget to mail in the rebate form by the deadline
3645sometimes my ceo asks me to drive to their buddies houses and remove viruses from their friend's kids computers
3646my schedule changes.
3647semper fi
3648my church group
3649I'm going to be a cyber athlete
3650breakfast all day? breakfast all day!
3651Some people say a man is made outta' mudA poor man's made outta' muscle and bloodMuscle and blood and skin and bonesA mind that's a-weak and a back that's strongYou load sixteen tons, what do you get?Another day older and deeper in debtSaint Peter don't you call me cause I can't goI owe my soul to the company storeI was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shineI picked up my shovel and I walked to the mineI loaded sixteen tons of number 9 coalAnd the straw boss said "Well, a-bless my soul"You load sixteen tons, what do you get?Another day older and deeper in debtSaint Peter, don't you call me cause I can't goI owe my soul to the company storeI was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rainFightin' and trouble are my middle nameI was raised in the canebrake by an ol' mama lionCain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the lineYou load sixteen tons, what do you get?Another day older and deeper in debtSaint Peter, don't you call me cause I can't goI owe my soul to the company storeIf you see me comin', better step asideA lotta men didn't, a lotta men diedOne fist of iron, the other of steelIf the right one don't a-get you, then the left one willYou load sixteen tons, what do you get?Another day older and deeper in debtSaint Peter, don't you call me cause I can't goI owe my soul to the company store
3652ooc: didnt read
3653I don't know what my schedule will be for the following week until the night before.
3654my job is to needlessly change work schedules and i wait till the last minute every week
3655didn't read
3656I can't read
3657I like to readexclusively Tom Clancy novels because it helps me imagine my life not being awful.newspaper? fuck no I don't have time for that trash fucking liberal media anyway
3658you think you're hot shit, huh? well how many digits of PI do you know? EH?
3659? the moment i wake up ?? before i pop in a k-cup ?? i go squeeze out a little poo ?
3660your posting is dragging this thread down considerably. use some restraint.
3661I buy weed in eighths
3662this sequence is clearly reversed.
3663I have a Star Wars toy on my desk.
3664I have a beanie baby on my desk
3665i have a collection of non-luxury consumer products that i think will be Worth Something Someday
3666I won't say who I'm voting for but let's just say I'm ready to make America great again!
3667
3668i have a make america great again hat but it's ironic
3669i have an entire closet full of boxes of twinkies i bought when i was sure they'd never exist again and i was gonna get rich off of the twinkie black market
3670so what if trump's a literal fascist, he's the first candidate i've ever seen that speaks his mind and doesn't act like a bullshit politician and that's the most important part!!
3671Lmfao.
3672i love trump but he never comes to my stupid liberal state grrrrr
3673
3674no I don't need the receipt
3675yes I WOULD like a receipt
3676Whoa.
3677when works sends me somewhere i get a $50/day per diem, can you believe it!i just eat at mcdonalds like i normally do and pocket the rest!
3678ooc: a 6 figgy someone at my office bought a condo that they put up on airbnb and 'rent' only to themselves right at the per diem cap while here for business and it about covers their mortgage lol
3679you poo before you wake up?
3680poo in a kcup
3681Encouraged by low oil prices, I'm thinking about buying a new truck.
3682*gas goes back to $4/gallon*well fuck, time to sell the truck. i'll just roll the truck loan into a lease for a prius, problem solved
3683
3684
3685
3686*Buys another hard rock cafe tshirt for the collection*
3687If you look at mine and my wife's salaries combined, we're really a 6 figgy family. Well, before taxes at least.
3688The cost of living here is so low that my paycheck really goes a lot further than you would think
3689I put in a request for two desk calendars from supply at work so I can take one home for my personal office
3690Yeah I took the mousepad from work home because it has that gel wrist rest and I can just requisition another anyways. Its not like they ever audit any of that stuff.
3691I have a disciplinary meeting at work on Thursday for stealing office supplies.
3692In Character: I'm sooooo fucking dumb, can you even believe it. I'm such a stupid bitch
3693
3694
3695livelovelaugh
3696
3697i'm a cancer and i give too much of a fuck
3698
3699on this forum? absolutely
3700i get paid with a paper check
3701i had a direct deposit mixup one time 15 years ago and ever since i insist payroll pay me with a paper checkthis affected me greatly because i live paycheck-to-paycheck and my family almost starved while we had to wait several business days for it to be resolved**someone i actually met at my old company
3702so true
3703I am one 500 dollar surprise bill away from financial ruin**63 percent of Americans, supposedly
3704dont tax the rich, you shouldnt punish success
3705just signed on to my new 5 figgy job, im goign to buy a 2006 honda accord euro ( 6 speed manual ) and think about moving out of my parent's house
3706LOL
3707do any of you nerds in this forum know how i can make a ringtone out of this? i have a googlehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPRfP_TEQ-g
3708I ride a bike to work but don't wear any kind of fancy biking equipment or even a helmet so you know it's either because I lost my license in a DUI or don't have a car
3709those guys look gay . stupid sexy flanders am i right???
3710what does it mean if a guy is riding a bicycle and his helmet is hanging off of teh handlebars not on his head
3711It means he's not planning on getting into an accident that day. Or possibly he is planning on it, but is waiting until it's closer to the event before putting it on.
3712his workplace requires it or the cops are whiny
3713heh, now im not racist op, but, heh, what it means might depend on uh, the TYPE of person riding the bike.
3714Red Lobster is my idea of a big night out!
3715
3716a few weeks ago this guy at work (5FFT) that i never talk to approached my desk "hey man ______ told me your good at this stuff. i have my smartphone ok and i want to use chrome to actually search for something, like google always comes up when i open this but i need to use the actual chrome search you know instead of google"the very same 5figgy tard tried to steal a laptop from our office once. a really shitty $250 one lmao. somehow he still has his job
3717sounds like a 4 figgy tard to me. also: can i come work at your office and try to steal things
3718that is exactly how he acts, yes, im pleased its so obvious
3719I make 5 figures.
3720Ooc: lol fucking no-helmet dumbass guess it wont matter neway cuz your head is worthless and empty go do some monkey work lmao stupid car-less fagmo
3721ooc: wow... the... the double irony... so rare... so fine
3722This, but I'm 34 years old.
3723Same except a new escalade
3724i have enough money and free time to go on vacations once in a while, but not enough to live without working on the accumulated interest
3725i would love to quit my terrible computer job and get a fun job where i get to talk to people. but i absolutely cannot afford to make even less money than i do right now.
3726I have never read Sartre
3727Camus? more like fuck u.
3728I am one of the world's foremost authorities on sartre
3729my coworkers and I share tips on what gas stations have the best prices
3730lmao
3731I drive four miles out of my way and four miles back in my 16mpg SUV in order to save 3 cents per gallonEvery penny counts!
3732I patiently wait for the change on my 20 dollar bill when cash rings up to $19.98
3733i use cash outside of cash only bars or tips
3734i eat at chain restaurants
3735I eat sushi sold at a grocery store
3736but buying this timeshare was a great investment in vacation ownership tho
3737how are you at summarising proust?
3738it's amazing how often my astrological horoscope or dream analysis describes me perfectly!
3739When there's more work to be done, I need to work late into the night. The flip side is sometimes my bids lets me cut out a few minutes early when it's quiet!
3740Costco pizzas are a pretty good deal!
3741fuck you, this is too far
3742My dream car is a bmw m3
3743
3744I buy multiple hotdogs at the Costco cafe on the way out and drink every single free soda that comes with them
3745I don't fill up my gas tank all the way when I put gas in my car
3746I tip webcam models hundreds of dollars so they'll notice me.
3747
3748You're such a dumb bastard.
3749
3750I ride a train to work and I listen to the free version of Spotify while riding it. Problem?
3751i get upset when i realize a price i was quoted doesn't include taxes
3752Have you heard of BitCoins??
3753my favorite restaurant is a chain
3754Lmao!
3755I go inside and pay cash cash for $5 to $10 amounts of gas at a time.
3756I just bought an android phone.OOC: I think those phones SUCK actually and whenever I see one I gag for real- well actually it hasn't come up yet because the only other person I talk to in 'meatspace' is my programming team-mate Suriya Sooquellnyaya- and my mans, he keeps his phone game tight .
3757you're doing a better job at yospos than yospos usually does, keep it up byobguy
3758shoo
3759Thanks my nigger.OOC: I respect the black race.
3760yeah we need some new blood in here
3761I post ironically in a thread for posting ironically and think I'm super funny
3762OOC: remember to use the OOC tags
3763oocc i have no idea how to make jokes anymore all i have is memes and ndroid hate, i really wish that my job would pau me to work remotely so i could owrk on my internet posting skills on the dole
3764
3765i have to keep itemized receipts when i travel if i want to get reimbursed
3766i have to do my own expense reports
3767I live in a townhouse yet there is nothing close enough to walk to
3768what's an expense report
3769i live in a high rise condo and still drive over an hour one way to work
3770i got a card from my psychiatrist that keeps my medication copays cheap.
3771a psychiatrist!? ok there, CRAZY*does the sting from psycho*
3772occ: i am a glitter boy
3773the first thing I do when I enter a home or establishment is ask for the wifi password.
3774truly insightful
3775oh yeah uh, can I use your printer too?
3776hahaha no I don't work for facebook, my employer hires all the security guards for their data centers
3777
3778i defend and enjoy using windows 10(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3779Dad? Oh wait, that's for the 7 figure thread. Fucktard.
3780Really wanted the mac but this lenovo will have to do .
3781psh this compaq does everything your lenovo does for a quarter of the price
3782I paid hundreds of dollars for an Amazon FireTV stick loaded with kodi and some plugins so I can watch shitty streams of live events and cams of currently-in-theatres movies.
3783i give fatty probes to guys that post in the rp a 5 figgy fucktard thread who make posts that hit too close to home
3784cheddars!
3785lol i would abuse the shit out of literally any authority if any body ever trusted me with any
3786my day job is applecare support where i have to tell people with engraved ipods that they can't return them but my REAL passion is slam poetry
3787this also applies to six figgies in (central?) florida
3788
3789I do not support Bernie Sanders for president because he wants to raises taxes on people that make over 250k and as a 5 figgy fucktard this upsets me greatly.
3790thats going go be me some day!!
3791Once I learn enough programming to create my video game idea that's both entirely too broad for one person to make and entirely too specific for more than one person to like.
3792the butt is gone, rip
3793i literally cannot go 6 hours without posting on a comedy subforum about computers
3794what do they expect me to do at work... work?No, but we do have fun here. Back to the grind, boys!
3795*lets weeds grow unchecked in front and back yard, briefly considers buying weedkiller*bradzilla fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2016 around 07:43
3796better go make sure the generator still works before it starts snowing, the utility crews never come by this neighborhood
3797i picked up a nice new snow shovel while i was out picking up a couple cases of beer, figure i can make a few extra bucks while everyones inside cowering from the blizzard, and nobody will care if im a little drunk
3798LOL
3799ive got a few jokes im holding onto to post on facebook during the blizzard to remind everyone that they're pussies for getting scared of a little bit (1-2 feet) of snow. i also make a habit of posting on social media about people's bad driving when it snows or rains or theres a pileup on the beltway
3800I get my son this weekend
3801I'm thinking of taking him to whataburger
3802then we'll go to horse racing(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3803I pay child support to multiple people.
3804all these pansies at the office are staying home from work on friday because they drive fuckboi priuses. not me though, i got a jeep wrangler for just such an occasion. ill be sure to send a picture of the snowfall from the office window and cc all my coworkers and bosses and use the "im at the office" signature on the email so they see how good of an employee i am
3805shit i should probably pick up some wonder bread on the way home. i hope they still have it at the 7-11 when i go to pick up a carton of marlboros
3806hid the power cord of my 16 year old boys ps3 and told him he should be out playing with the neighborhood kids and sledding and stuff. he came back a couple hours later smelling like weed so i smacked him around a little. told my wife good luck getting the cops to come out here in this blizzard over that lol
3807fired up the generator and let it run for an hour just to make sure it was good, but it was cold out so i shut the garage door, now the whole god damn house smells like exhaust. probably gotta open a window or something
3808Fuck up, clown.
3809I've looked into moving to another country in order to get cheaper healthcare
3810didn't need the rest
3811I buy new jeep vehicles
3812Well, new to me anyway
3813an extra $50 a week could change the way I live
3814how bout this weather huh
3815*attempts to balance checkbook*
3816OOC: You're a pussy
3817i unironically call people pussies when they don't want to do shots
3818YA BOY ETHAN COUCH in on a fuckin tear!! I'm cracking up over here
3819i do the understand how financing or deductibles work and become angry when it is revealed to me
3820OOC: You're a pussy with weirdly specific grudge stories(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3821some guy on the internet keeps calling me a pussy *takes selfie with a rifle sitting on lap*
3822they clownin hard on you ETHAN don't let em get away with it
3823pro-tip: slip on a plastic grocery bag between your socks and shoes and then you don't have to worry about getting your feet wet
3824i just increased my HSA contribution.
3825the best part about an oncoming blizzard is you can let the dog shit all over the neighborhood and don't have to pick it up cuz the evidence is gonna be buried shortly anyway lmao
3826true story: when i was in 8th grade we had a blizzard and afterwards all the neighborhood kids had a snowball fight. one kid took an ice chunk and rolled some snow over it to look like a snowball and nailed my buddy's brother in the side. well he almost died because the impact caused his kidney to burst or something and he missed school for like two weeks.(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3827they didnt get to my part of the neighborhood with the plows so the chinese food delivery guy couldn't drive to the house. i just went ahead and cancelled it when they asked about meeting them at the intersection cuz i was about 6 deep.
3828this guys not playing around
3829Windows suits my needs.
3830I'm getting scared
3831ooc: missing school for two weeks for a burst kidney sounds pretty good. I missed school for a week (followed by thanksgiving break) for having an appendectomy 16 years ago(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3832fsas are good and a solution to americas health care problems
3833I don't pay child support regardless of what the stupid liberal feminazi activist judge had to say!who were you 6 deep in at the time? i don't own any investments yet freak out about the stock market going down and blame the president for it for some reason.
3834
3835*still uses a checkbook somehow*
3836hire purchase sounds liek a great deal tbh. i can have all teh latest products
3837no money down???? sign me up1!!!
3838im planning on reproducing
3839hmm yes finally a leader who knows what's going on in the world. gonna share this to my Facebook wall.THC fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2016 around 18:20
3840
3841Cats is the best thing Broadway's ever done.
3842Cats and Rent are the only things Broadway's ever done that I know of.
3843Just picked up some new dress shirts for work at Macy's!
3844nice vlc avatar, brother
3845well if you were looking for somebody with expertise with toxins
3846the sticker on the rib rack fell off so I joked with the cashier that "I guess it's free" when I was in line for some pre-blizzard essentials. he didn't laugh, and I was kinda blown that it wasn't true
3847
3848LMAO
3849
3850I can't afford my new medication, even after the discount card.
3851jesus christ
3852did you know that you can buy your antibiotics otc?
3853it's actually for the person i married so that they could use my health insurance. but it's january and that means no help for this $30/day medication until we've hit our High Deductible.
3854now that's a slick deal
3855That's chill.
3856I never get sick, so a high-deductible plan is better for me!
3857fortunately we have a little bit left in our savings account. the only money we ever deposited in that account was a gift from the in-laws towards a house. that deal fell through because the bank, wisely, changed their mind about offering us a mortgage.
3858
3859i own a nerf gun
3860i wish i could afford a nerf gun.
3861i spend about 250 bucks each month on my cable and phone bills and i use them both to complain on the internet about how poor i am.
3862i ran a little side business in 2005 selling modified nerf mavericks
3863man these nintendo amoebas are cheap and everyone likes them i'd better stock up so i can sell them for some pure profit
3864i usualyl get a negative kdr because im a dimwit
3865i know what kdr means
3866i use a windows pc for online gamingedit: and i talk about being part of a master race when i do it, and this is coming from forums poster jew killer three thousand
3867i use amberpos
3868idk how to waltz
3869I can't do my own taxes
3870i go to a restaurant that has "club" in the name but isn't actually a club
3871i drink bud light because its cheap & refreshing, even if it tastes like shitbut bro, its like fizzy water that gets you drunk!!
3872i have cable internet
3873the only club I've ever gotten into was a club sandwich
3874
3875i can do my own taxes. nothing fancy here, boys.
3876my bathroom needs to be regrouted, but as a computer toucher i never learned how to, and as a five figgy fucktard i cant affort to hire someone. yospos bithc!
3877But why wouldn't you take it to HR Block, you can get paid right away.
3878ugghhh the craigslist guy paid with a check from bank of america, now i have to schlep it to the branch on other side of town to cash it. just my luck.i live right next to a chase and a wells fargo, why couldn't it be from one of those?
3879i visit bank branches in person
3880ooc: i'm so rich that i don't really understand this one...this means that the person doesn't have a bank account, right?(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3881I should probably get an offshore bank account to protect myself in the future after I make it big
3882all my savings are in precious metals
3883I get mixed messages when one Glenn beck ad tells me to buy gold, another wants to give me cash for gold, and then a third ad tells me to buy silver. all in the same commercial break.
3884oh right time to do taxes... *pulls into strip mall with dancing man dressed as statue of liberty out front*
3885ooc: yup. if you have a check which says suntrust on it you can cash it at a suntrust, even if you don't have an account there (or anywhere else). I learned this when my landlord complained when I switched from suntrust to a local credit union and got a new checkbook, and I couldn't understand why that mattered to her(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3886im really mad about banking fees
3887so i said "like em? i barely polonium!"
3888
3889I never get sick so why should I vote for socialized health care if it means I have to pay to support all the people who do, I bet they're all smokers
3890*gets $50 a day to be the dancing man dressed as the statue of liberty*
3891Lol!
3892just got a sick tattoo of a caffeine molecule
3893i have that too but mine's in japanese
3894ooc i loved this site http://hanzismatter.blogspot.com/
3895that mcpick 2 looks pretty enticing and I'm excited to see mickey ds take on mozzarella sticks
3896I have nicknames for my favorite fast food restaurants
3897I have thousands in collections but I'm planning a trip for spring.
3898i have six figure negative net worth but i take multiple lavish vacations every year
3899rip
3900gonna have an expensive vacation this weekend!*googles one tank trips*
3901I don't reject the first offer letter hr sends me for a new role
3902on the contrary that seems like a pro strat if you can get away with it.i on the other hand regard discharging debt as a moral failing despite intensely burdensome interest payments.
3903Really stoked about pride and prejudice and zombies. I love zombie stuff its great haha
3904I have massive student loans and payments but instead of paying them I'm going to spend all of my money on leasing that new ford superduty. 72 month lease, boys.
3905public service loan forgiveness is an integral part of my financial planning
3906
3907i have student loans, because my parents weren't able to fully pay for my college education, and/or i took out loans to attend graduate school to obtain a non-professional non-terminal degree
3908I moved to Europe so I don't have to pay my loans. I never wanna go back to America anyway, or work for an American corporation, which should be easy because I can't get a job with my $160,000 dollar film degree. My parents co-signed the loans though so they'll be on the hook, that sucks but they don't have much money anyway.ADINSX fucked around with this message at Jan 26, 2016 around 23:54
3909i flee the country from 30-40k of debt
3910well someone has to transfer all that money from the boomers back to the banks, otherwise how will they loan it out to the next generation?edit: no probe for ooc, this is not ooc.
3911This thread sucks shit. Like loling at people who parents can't afford to educate them...its really weird to attack people you perceive as below yourself for 90 pages. Just saying y'all.(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3912we're ~role-playing~ and i'm nearly certain that most of the things listed in this thread actually happened to the posters in this thread at one point in their own lives, except maybe the really dumb ones like leasing a truck or voting Republican.(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
3913i take on five figgie debt for a ~*semester abroad*~ as my first experience outside the us
3914i do a semester abroad in a city in my own country an hours' drive from my main campus
3915i am completely undeterred from taking on debt to pay for anything, from a pack of gum to a house
3916I maxed out all of my credit cards and took out a home equity loan before fucking off to my home country.
3917all of my posts have been true.
3918i finally paid off my car today. i wish i could put the extra 200/month toward paying down my credit cards, but that can't happen until i hit my health insurance deductible. does new zealand have high deductible health plans, i wonder
3919NZ has free healthcare entirely. though for stuff like dental shit if u want it free u have to bascially have no job because u need to line up all day. also my 5 figgie job give me health insurance for free and also my wife so we can get nice treatment like in a room with a tv for example
3920at my five figgy job, i paid 4k in premiums for the two of us, and then had to pay another 3k before the health insurance actually paid for anything.
3921USA #1. And with that, I'm going to close this thread. Have a good afternoon everybody - and stay thirsty.Special thanks to my friend from the Paris of Appalachia, "As a Millennial I" whos previous username I cannot remember due to fail aids incurred from a 5 Figgy FuckTard diet low in vitamins.