KKuFU8DX

1If you’re wondering how I managed to talk my to-be pet into trusting me, it’s simple. 
2Friends are just strangers you know a bit more about than you would anybody else. 
3I introduced myself in a stupid energetic childish way, but it worked. We got used to each other. 
4After Eirin put me through hell, I swore off killing anyone, but also altered my nerves so that I feel sexual pleasure when pain is inflicted on me. 
5I still felt pain, since it’s rather important for me to distinguish between actual damage and kinky play, but at the very least it felt nice when I got hurt. 
6Emotional pain, however, still hurts. There’s no pleasure I can derive from that, no matter how much I alter myself. I’d become someone who would be rather happy about anything if I did, but I’d become someone who wouldn’t do anything. I don’t want to be that person. 
7I’m not going to say something like “it wouldn’t be me” because that’s a stupid line of thought. 
8I could identify as some omnipotent mary-sue stuck in an incompetent body and shitty world, but that won’t change anything, now would it? 
9To me, you create yourself. You define yourself. To stand by idly, thinking things will go well for yourself when the time comes is nothing more but playing a game of lottery, except you have no chance of winning. At least lottery gives you an infinitesimal chance at winning if you don’t do anything besides shade numbers, but life isn’t like that. 
10At least, not for me. If I stand by idly, hoping things will go well, nothing will change, and it will remain as much of a shitty place as it always will be. 
11But there is one lucky bitch that’ll get that chance. One lucky son of a bitch that wins that impossible lotto of life. This person may be reading this right now. 
12But I ask of you, the reader: is that really how it’s going for you right now? Do you really think it’ll go like that? Are you that one in an infinite amount? Do you truly think you are? 
13Because I want you to open your eyes, and if that’s not reality, then you’re not going to be winning anytime soon. You’re going to have to work for it, whether you like it or not, if you want that happy life. 
14Life will not hand out happiness. You have the right to pursue happiness, but you do not have the right to have happiness. 
15You must earn it in a cruel shitty world that’s going to fuck you over every step of the way. Though, despite the fact I say that, it’s because it’s coming from me that makes that statement hypocritical. 
16I got the ability of alteration, became immortal, and got power out of pure luck. 
17I should have died from the moment I was born because I was an accident, I should’ve died instead of being warped into Gensokyo, and I should’ve died the moment I entered Gensokyo. But I got lucky. 
18I can’t call that my work or effort. However, because of those miracles that the world decided to give me, I decided to make use of it. 
19I can’t say anyone can get what they want if you work hard enough. But if life decides to humor you and give you a miracle, take it and exploit the living hell out of it. Don’t let life keep you in a chokehold. 
20Any opportunity you see or life gives you, at even the darkest hour, exploit it. You will benefit greatly from it. 
21That’s the only reason why I managed to be quite a significant figure somehow. Don’t think a miracle will come during your time of need. When a miracle comes, savor it and exploit it. 
22That’s the key to winning at life. Never take chances whenever you can, but take it if necessary. 
23This chapter follows after the war got more intense. After the war intensified, a third party rose up from nothing, ruled over by that man, Araku. 
24He’s still alive by the way, but his powers are sealed and he’s making up for his mistakes. 
25Stone him if you want, but it’ll make his efforts rather difficult and instigate another big fucking war. If you have any hatred towards him, just give him a little verbal lashing and he’s going to break down crying like a baby. Luckily, most of you guys seem to be rather calm about him still living, but if you still have little things irking you about him, go right ahead. 
26Anyways, when he popped up, he immediately wiped one major human village and one major youkai base, no survivors or bodies left. By himself, might I note. 
27Every major political figure in Gensokyo immediately noted that Araku was a threat, but because of the war getting way too heated up, humans and youkai collaborating as a united force to take him down is a funny joke. At this point, it was impossible to integrate both humans and youkai together. 
28And it was basically the end of the world. Araku made it rather clear he was going with a genocide of every single living thing, and he damn well did to everything that angered him or crossed his path. 
29Basically, the majority of peaceful groups got annihilated, but also some of the most extreme groups as well, which basically left Gensokyo in a gray area. 
30No one was really adamant on the genocide of the other, but also not wanting to be at peace with the other. Basically, it was coin flip to how this world will end up. 
31Eirin was one of the sane ones that decided to go after him, but wasn’t stupid enough to do that. 
32It was nigh impossible for her to win, and damn well none of us could either. 
33We’d have to unify everyone, and that’s what we did. 
34I had also built a computer, which then using alteration, connected it with the outside world, accessing the internet: an endless database of information, knowledge, history, everything. 
35And I kinda have some experience in politics as well. You see, my brother is a bit of a businessman, and he scammed me to shit when we were young. 
36So I passively learned how to politic by being around that sociopathic asshole. Which is why Eirin often relies on me to sign treaties and deals with other nations when she can’t do it herself. 
37I created phones, private networks, and several other technological advances from the outside world so that this war should end well for us. 
38I should also note that through Araku and my direct and indirect interaction with the outside world, the amount of time that passes for both worlds ended up being the same, despite the barrier’s existence and interference. 
39This chapter begins with me, finishing building that computer and looking up comedy videos. 
40Videos are basically moving paintings with sound. It’s rather unimpressive to me, but it should be rather mystifying to you guys. 
41… 
42I sigh, finally finishing building the device that’ll feed my starving addiction. 
43I want to see memes again, smile at poor-quality jokes, make puns, watch men scream like girls when playing horror games, beat my meat to loli hentai, everything. 
44My life is on my computer. I’m rather ashamed to admit it, but at least I’m happy when I’m on there. 
45I wonder how my social media accounts are doing. 
46I install windows, get to work on making a new account, then install waterfox, and finally get to Tumblr, Facebook, Discord, and many other websites. 
47Though, as I look through, the web, I notice my accounts don’t exist. 
48I search my name, finding out that I don’t exist. 
49I’m rather curious. Did I get wiped from history? I heard that a documentary discussing the mentally ill that would include talking about me was in the making before I got warped. 
50Oh well. I wonder what videos Kilplix and Markiplier have uploaded over that long amount of time. 
51The anime I had on my watchlist has finished airing, so I open up a few tabs for those. 
52I install a tab groups plugin to recreate my list of 5000 tabs I had stocked up on before being warped into Gensokyo. I have so much porn to reinstall too, but sadly, many of them are likely to be permanently lost. 
53It’s rather annoying how some of them got deleted online and I had stored up what will be remnants of deleted hentai. 
54Actually, now that I have this back, I can name my pet more easier now. I still haven’t come up with a name for her yer.
55… 
56Apparently she doesn’t have a name, so I decided to figure out a name for her eventually. 
57… 
58I head over to the door, slide it open, then I shout, “Hey, pet! Can you come over here for a second?” 
59She’s nearby so she walks toward me, asking out of curiosity, “What is it?” 
60“I want to give you a proper name,” I say, heading back into my room. 
61I prepare a seat, and open up a bunch of tabs that’ll help me make a name for her. 
62Once she takes a seat, I start with a question, “Mind telling me quirks about yourself so I can come up with a name?” 
63She thinks deeply about it, but the only thing she can come up with is “I’m a girl.” 
64“And here I thought you had a dick,” I respond sarcastically. 
65“I don’t know a lot about myself,” she explains herself. 
66Yep, she’s a person who’d rather not talk about themselves, either because they’re ashamed of themselves or are annoying too humble. 
67“Are you ashamed of yourself or are you just too humble?” 
68“Yes.” 
69“That was a stupid question.” If she said yes to being ashamed, that’d imply she’s too humble, but if she says yes to being too humble, then that’s a paradoxical answer. 
70But she managed to drop hints to who she is from what she has said in the past. 
71“So you’re a rabbit girl, ashamed of portions of your past,” I note to myself, typing in the keywords “rabbit” and “ashamed” into Google Translate, the standard way I name things. 
72The Japanese phrase for “ashamed rabbit” is “Hazukashi-sōna usagi,” which “hazu” ends with a “u” syllable and “usagi” starts with a “u” syllable, which if I remove “kashi-sona” from the phrase, it becomes “Hazusagi.” 
73It sounds like a last name, so I’ll just save it for later. 
74Altering the phrase “ashamed rabbit” into other languages don’t create anything that sounds good, so I need more keywords. 
75“Are you good at anything?” I ask. 
76“In the past, people thought I was good at making puns and phrases, but that’s because I find syllables that sound alike from words and try to make a sentence out of it.” 
77She’s probably going to know I made her last name “ashamed rabbit” if I use “Hazusagi” if she isn’t lying, which she doesn’t have a reason to lie. 
78Though, I don’t think she’ll notice with the parts I removed. 
79I guess I’ll just try to find a first name for her using a random name generator then. I’m still going to use “Hazusagi” for her last name, since I don’t think she has a family name. I’m not going to give her mine. 
80Though, what should the name mean? 
81She seems humble, has gone through many tough trials in life, is a rabbit… 
82I try to search for a name that means “rabbit.” 
83One of the first results for a name that means “rabbit” is “bunny.” 
84This is why I don’t like to use random name generators. 
85Another one is “Usagi.” Who the fuck would name their child rabbit in Japanese? 
86Then again, I’m about to give her the last name of “ashamed rabbit,” so that’s rather hypocritical. 
87Lulu is an option I’ll consider, but I think I’ll put it at the back for now. 
88I guess I’ll try a name that means “flat.” She won’t know. Probably. 
89Nothing interesting pops up for “flat” other than prairie, which is a rather shitty name. 
90Fuck it, I’m just gonna look up rabbit names and pick out one that sounds nice. 
91“Peaches” is something I’d name her if I were hungry. 
92The fuck kinda name is “Bon Bon?”
93Seriously? “Sweet Pea?”
94A name grabs my eyes. “Remi.” 
95For some reason, I think that name would make things confusing in the future. 
96There’s a gut feeling I have. I don’t know, but either way, it seems rather stupid for a name. 
97… 
98Remilia, please do not kill me for this. 
99… 
100A lot of these names are just foods. Should I just call her “Orange” and move on with my day? 
101One of the boy rabbit names is “ninja.” 
102Who the fuck would name their rabbit “ninja?” 
103And now “salt” is on the list of names. 
104We also have the sibling of “Bon Bon,” whose name is “Bun Bun.” 
105Also, there are so many colors as names. May I note that “Scarlet” seems like some dumb girl would use as a name? 
106… 
107It’s a good name, Remi. Don’t kill me please. It suits you, just- that came out wrong. 
108I meant that, you know, uh. 
109You sound good with any name…? 
110Aha. 
111But anyways, I struggled a lot trying to find a name for her. 
112I couldn’t find one that sounded nice and one that would fit her. 
113So then I got lucky with a name list. 
114I found a list of Japanese names, along with the kanji that constructs the name, and the meaning of those kanji, allowing me to mix and match different symbols to create a new name. 
115I named her “Atsumi,” “Atsu” meaning warm, deep, true, sincere and honest, while “mi” means beautiful. 
116I thought it was a beautiful name. It sounded nice, so I named her “Atsumi Hazusagi.” 
117The first two syllables of her first and last name end with a “sue” sound, and the last syllable of her first and last name end with an “ee” sound, making it flow and sound better. 
118… 
119“You really put a lot of time into my name,” Atsumi notes. 
120“I don’t like to leave anything as something that doesn’t have enough effort put into it,” I answer. 
121“By the way, what’s this?” She points to my computer. 
122“This is a computer, a device that connects to an endless database of knowledge.” 
123“Is this from the outside world?” 
124“Yep. It was rather hard to build, but now I can entertain myself all day or learn all day.” 
125“You’re going to entertain yourself all day, aren’t you?” 
126I raise an eyebrow. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve told her I’m an outsider, nor I’m the lazy type. “We’ve only been around each other for a day or so. How did you know I’m lazy and I’m an outsider?” 
127Atsumi lists out the things she knows and noticed, “You joked once about how you’d prefer to be lazy instead of doing hard work, and you don’t act like a native. I wasn’t sure about the last one, but looks like I was right.” 
128I got Eirin, a genius among geniuses, Reisen who is a student of Eirin and knows a lot about pharmaceutical topics and subjects, and Atsumi figured out I was an outsider by simply observing my personality during the time she was here. 
129I’m starting to feel inadequate. Did everyone suddenly become more intelligent, or am I retarded? 
130Oh wait, I’m in Gensokyo now, not back where it’s literally hell on Earth. Regardless, it’s still making me feel inadequate, now that I’m surrounded by smart people. 
131My mind wants to switch to something else to focus on, so I move onto whatever I see first. 
132I see Atsumi’s clothing. Now that I think about it, she doesn’t have spare clothing, does she? 
133I recall helping her move into Eientei by compacting the things she needs to bring adn then returning them back to normal, but I don’t recall bringing any clothing. 
134She’s wearing something different from before, but I don’t recognize it to be Reisen’s or Tewi’s. 
135I decide to confirm if my memories are correct, “You don’t have any spare clothing, if I recall correctly?” 
136“Ah, that’s right. The princess let me borrow some of hers,” she answers. 
137“Wait, what princess?” I ask, not knowing any princess. 
138She seems equally confused. “Kaguya Houraisan?” 
139Nope. I don’t recognize the name. I shrug, “Dunno who that is.” 
140She becomes more baffled. “Wait, really?” 
141“I honestly don’t know who she is.” 
142“She’s the master of this place,” she states. 
143“Isn’t Eirin the master…?” I question awkwardly. I hope it isn’t something obvious to everyone in Eientei, but I feel like it’s obvious to everyone in Eientei. I feel stupid. 
144… 
145Yeah, I really was oblivious to her existence. 
146The princess that gives out impossible tasks to any men that have fallen for her that they must pass in order to win her heart. 
147The tasks are getting her objects that she already owns. 
148So basically, she rejects everyone that falls for her. Though, why she doesn’t just tell them to fuck off instead of give them false hope, I have no clue. 
149Atsumi dragged me to meet the princess, and she was extremely gorgeous. 
150That put my guard up real quick. 
151I learned that pretty girls are often the most bitchy ones. They are cruel, they show no mercy, they are demons that slowly eat your soul. 
152I’ve been traumatized badly by females, alright? I trust Eirin, Reisen and Atsumi because they seem to be decent people. 
153I note nothing positive for Tewi. That little hag brat has fucked me over so many times I’ve passively learned everything you need to know about traps. 
154The best place to put them, what kinds of traps can be built in a given situation, where to expect a trap, et cetera. It’s basically how I passively gained somewhat of an immunity to illusions by talking to Reisen from time to time. 
155I won’t say I’m unaffected by illusions, but I can tell what is or isn’t an illusion. 
156Immunity isn’t the best word for it, so maybe differentiating illusions? 
157Anyways, this follows in Kaguya’s room. 
158…  
159She’s pretty, but is that the only thing making her in charge of this entire place? 
160She appears lazy as fuck. She’s just laying on the floor playing some NES game device. I don’t recall the name, and I doubt I ever heard of the name for that. 
161Wait, is that…
162“Tetris?” I note out loud. 
163Kaguya seems to notice what I said. “Yeah.” 
164She didn’t look at me when she said that. And people complain about my social skills. 
165If I get the chance to, I’m snapping some necks if I ever find those fuckers that complained about how I talk again. 
166I look at the display, which shows some amazing playing. 
167I think it’d be fun to play a game with her. 
168… 
169By the way, when I made a hate speech about females above, I never specified if I hated Kaguya. 
170She seemed like a fun person to be with. 
171I built a game console, and we played a few games together. 
172She’s one of the few people that’s technology literate. 
173No annoying calls for tech support from her. 
174Just fun and games. 
175Though, she really isn’t the person in charge of Eientei. 
176Eirin is. She’s more or less a lazy resident. She’s just at a higher priority to everyone. 
177I really couldn’t give a shit if she’s a princess or not. She doesn’t act like one. 
178Then again, I’ve never seen any royalty until that moment nor have been royalty in my life, so I can’t exactly tell her how royalty should act. 
179After learning of her existence, I head back to my computer. 
180I find Eirin tinkering with it and finding my digital porn stash. 
181I screamed when I saw her at my computer, and then even louder when I found out which tabs were open.
182… 
183After that, Tewi’s missing panties were found, I was put on a noose, and I built a few more computers for everyone. Everyone wanted to try out the new device, and I did it. 
184It was the worst mistake I had ever made. 
185I understand what kind of bullshit technical help gets whenever they get asked for help before I had to go through this. 
186Luckily, Kaguya was rather proficient with using technology, and Eirin got it really fast. 
187I speak nothing good about the other two. 
188It was rather fun seeing all of them learn about the outside world and the culture outside. 
189I’m not worried about them finding out my name, since apparently I don’t exist anymore. 
190If I had to guess, and since magic is a thing, alternate universes probably exist, and I got booted out of mine. I made a name for myself in the worst way,  and making myself unknown is a cruel joke unless somehow I don’t exist anymore. 
191As for how it happened, I don’t know. 
192But I don’t exist in this world. My real name produces no results. 
193I think my family aborted me in this universe, since I can tell my family still exists. 
194My brother is the only child they have. My little sister will never have been born (her birth only happened because I kept pestering my mother to fuck and conceive a girl), and thank the heavens for that. 
195Turns out my brother was a sociopath since he was born. 
196He’s living rather better than with me or my sister around. He’s dramatically more successful, and came up with several ideas that I had come up with back in my world, or if this is an alternate timeline, then in this time. 
197I was right again. The world would’ve been better off without me. 
198The small little amount of misery that happened because I was born has now disappeared. 
199Even if by a little, my existence was a nuisance. After realizing that, all I could think of is suicide. 
200I recalled every moment I was here. Every time someone was mad, everytime I screwed up. 
201It hurt to think. It hurt to live. 
202So I forcefully altered my mind so that I would exist as a different person. 
203I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live either. 
204So I decided to die as one person, but live as another. 
205I believed alteration would’ve helped. 
206Instead, I ended up having split personalities. 
207… 
208“Stop contemplating suicide,” my voice says. 
209I don’t know where it came from, but I know it’s my voice. 
210“My chest hurts. I want to.” I respond. 
211“You’re hurting because you want to be accepted by others.” 
212I want to help others. I don’t want anyone else to suffer. 
213I don’t want to listen to him because I want to be accepted by others. 
214But in the end, there’s no way I can accomplish that. 
215It’s a slow process, but things will change. 
216Not in my lifetime, but in others’ lifetimes. 
217I have to remind myself that I am not a hero. 
218I can help build one, but I am not one. 
219I’m not capable of doing anything special. 
220But I’m not giving up. I’m willing to lay my life on the line for it. 
221I have to. 
222“You know I can hear what you’re thinking, right?” My voice mentions. 
223“Yep. How did this happen?” I respond to myself. 
224“Probably because you altered your mind,” he says. 
225I sigh. I have to wonder if this is going to be frustrating to live with another personality. 
226“I doubt it. We’re the same person. We’ll probably do the same things in daily life, and I really don’t care. If someone else takes over my body, then I’mma let them. I wanna see if they’d do my life better than I can, since I know damn well I can’t.” 
227I laugh, “So you’re just gonna push me onto this impossible task?” 
228“I really don’t give a shit. So long as I’m content with how things are, I don’t care. Though, I must question your sanity and intelligence if you’re really willing to sacrifice yourself for the future.” 
229“We both want a better world,” I say. 
230“Yep. I just don’t wanna do it. The world caused a lot of the problems that are present today, so why the fuck is it my job to fix this bullshit?” 
231“Because no one else is going to,” I sigh, annoyed that’s pretty much the truth. 
232Well, at least the people around me aren’t doing something heroic like that. 
233There are probably lots of people around the globe helping people, but there’s no one helpful around me. 
234If there was, then I wouldn’t be in this situation. 
235Well, that’s life. I can complain, but it ain’t gonna do shit. 
236Though, because of this entire depressing conversation, I’m mentally exhausted and I wanna sleep, yet at the same time, I’m bored and I wanna do something. 
237“If only we could hibernate forever, it would be a happy life.” 
238Dreams are a fun place to be. Especially the nightmares. 
239They make your heart race and it’s action-packed. You’re guaranteed to be safe while you scream your lungs out. 
240But god damn, I am fucking bored. 
241“Why don’t we try drawing?” 
242Why bother when I have a spell that can literally allow me to project what I want to draw onto a canvas? 
243Well, I probably shouldn’t rely on alteration all the time, so I suppose I should develop my skills in drawing rather than thaumaturgy. 
244I create a sheet of paper by altering reality and a pencil. 
245I place it on a table, put my right arm on the table, the pencil tip almost touching the surface of the paper, and then time froze. 
246Not literally, but it feels like time isn’t moving. 
247That’s because I have zero idea what to draw. 
248I could try to draw a real person to try and develop my skills, or draw cute anime-like characters because that’s what I’m used to and something I want to practice getting better at. 
249I could also draw monsters and other deformed atrocities, since I somehow have an uncanny talent at drawing demonic crap. 
250Armored entities are things I also draw pretty well, but it takes too much time. 
251Though, I think armor has a lot of simplistic details for any beginner to draw, yet also detailed enough to be a challenge.
252I suppose that drawing armors from real life is one way for someone to get into drawing. 
253It starts off with simple shapes, then you get into more complex shapes, and then it starts to look cool. 
254But monsters are easier and cooler to draw, since any mistake you make can also add to the disturbing aura it gives off. 
255“Wait, could we make our drawings real if we used alteration on it?” 
256That’s it! I’ll draw armor and weapons! 
257Though, I wonder what weapons would be fit for me? 
258I know I’d be good at sniping people, and I’ve trained to use two swords with a fake paper sword and stick sword. 
259A Chu Ko Nu would also be a cool weapon to have. It’s basically a medieval assault rifle. 
260“Oh, what about the BFG 9000?” My voice eagerly suggests.  
261...I think no one would trust me with that thing. Considering how twitchy my finger gets if I ever hold anything remotely close to a gun, I think that’d be a bad idea. 
262“The only weapon that really fits with us is a glock pistol, now that I think about it. We aren’t exactly a chosen one that would wield an overpowered mystical sword, nor a badass that uses shotguns and rocket launchers without ever needing to reload.” 
263I still want two swords. I didn’t practice dual sword wielding at home and looked like an idiot for nothing. 
264“Go ahead, but make sure the swords are practical in use, not a house decoration that looks like it supports gay pride.” 
265Must my voice mock my aesthetic tastes? 
266“No, I just don’t wanna die.” It snarks.  
267Alright. Creating a glock isn’t that bad, but I have no references, nor do I need to draw such a thing to create it. The problem is what the swords should look like. 
268“Just copy Shirou Emiya and use those two black and white swords.” 
269Those swords fit him, not me. I need two swords fit for me aesthetically and practically. 
270… 
271And so I sat there, thinking of some cool weapon for myself. 
272I think I should address why the story has more or less just been about me doing random shit instead of me doing stuff about the war. It’s my main concern to why I never wanted to write this, and especially scrap the idea in its entirety after other books got the best fucking ratings ever. 
273During the early stages of the war, I really couldn’t care less who died or who lived. 
274All I know is that if I lost someone close to me, it hurts, and if someone else had a loved one die, they would also be hurt. However, I couldn’t care less about others that I don’t know or care about. 
275I wasn’t concerned or miserable over who died or lived. I was concerned more about myself. 
276That’s one of the things about my personality that’s extremely bad. 
277I want to be a good person because I’m more concerned about my public reputation rather than any personal goals. 
278I’m simply selfish. I’m no hero if that’s the case. 
279Even if I had the power to do good things, I probably wouldn’t. 
280That’s why I constantly remind myself that I’m not a hero, and I never will be. 
281I can help make one, and that hero will make the world a better place for me and everyone else, but in the end, I am not even remotely close to being a hero. 
282I’m recognized by many to be the main factor in taking down Araku. 
283The truth is that I understood how he thought: his psychology. 
284I organized plans, tried to get as many allies as I could to fight him. But that’s all I really did. 
285And luckily, I won. We all won. 
286But I wasn’t the main factor. I was only a portion of it. 
287Remove the power from my plan, and we would’ve lost. 
288Remove our numbers, and we would’ve lost. 
289Remove some of our capabilities and skills, and we would’ve lost. 
290I don’t like lies. They’re a pain in the ass. 
291If I’m known to be very capable, people will rely on me for everything. 
292If I’m known to be very worthless, people will reject my ideas about everything. 
293This next section should’ve been fun for me, but it wasn’t. 
294Rabbits are one fuck-happy little animals. 
295Mating season eventually came, and I expected something that’d happen in porn to happen. 
296I was extremely curious to how sex would feel like. 
297I was waiting with anticipation. And hell, I was literally a rabbit. 
298I could turn into a rabbit if I wanted to, if the rabbit boy wasn’t going to cut it. 
299Atsumi, my little cute rabbit pet, didn’t tell anyone about a little thing her friends did to her in the past. 
300…
301I wake up, smelling a lot of pheromones in the air. 
302A smell of lewd acts happening everywhere. 
303Could this be mating season? My dick is staying as hard as a rock, despite one session of masturbation. 
304I can see wiggling of tails behind bushes and bamboo shoots, and I can hear the moans of every single rabbit that’s enjoying themselves. 
305I grin widely. Who’s gonna my first one? 
306And then I hear a groan of pain from next door. Atsumi’s room. 
307That’s rather odd. Is she getting raped? 
308I head over to her room, slide open the door, and I see her, lying in bed, groaning. 
309She doesn’t have any blankets on and is lying buck naked on her bed, hold her crotch in pain. 
310That just killed my boner. 
311I decide to inquire about what’s wrong with her. 
312“Uh,” I begin, trying to pick out the words I want to say, “Is there something wrong?” 
313“Nothing,” she wheezes out, curled up and tears forming in her eyes. 
314“Spill it, or I make it worse,” I threaten her to give an answer. 
315Is there some disease going around? Why is she in pain? I must know. 
316She sighs, then points to her hole, “My friends once heated a stick over a fire and stuck it in here.” 
317My dick immediately was in pain from the image that popped in my head when she said that. 
318I just imagined a torch placed on my dick, cooking it into a coal-like color. 
319Before I knew it, my legs weakened and I dropped to my knees from the pain in my mind. 
320That’s just fucking cruel. Well, that’s another reason why killing them was a good thing. 
321But that’s fucking painful as shit. I should’ve kept them alive and tortured them. 
322I give myself a mental smack in the head to refocus myself. “How long has it been since they did that?” 
323“Around a few years or so,” she answers rather calmly, despite the pain. 
324This dumbass thought being tough through it was a great idea, huh. 
325And why the fuck is a girl acting tough? I thought it was supposed to be the men who have to be tough. 
326“That’s not a good thing either way,” the voice in my head notes. 
327Of course. I guess I’ll ask Eirin if she has some sort of medicine for this kind of thing. 
328I leave the room, then head straight towards where Eirin usually is, which is her office. 
329We don’t get many visitors because of the war, but she’s usually there out of habit, though that’s just my guess to why that is. 
330I won’t bother question it, since it’s irrelevant. Though, that train of thought has brought quite a bit of awkward moments in my life. 
331I’ve never once knew who the fuck Dr. Strange is, nor did I care, until people started to just go booming, “YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM!?” and shit like that. 
332I just wanted to relieve the sexual stress I’ve built up on this glorious holiday when I found out about it, but then this had to happen. 
333I did put myself through it on purpose, so I can’t and won’t blame her. She’s going to be living proof that either I can do something through peaceful means, or I’m going on a genocide. 
334The amount of pain I’m going through is to prove myself wrong. 
335I don’t need murder to solve shit. 
336“It’s certainly the easier alternative,” my voice counters. 
337Anyway, back to what I was doing. 
338“Eirin?” I call out, opening the door, unconcerned if she’s busy with a patient, since, as previously mentioned, visitors and customers are practically non-existent as of right now. 
339She turns around from her desk to me, responding normally. “Yes?”
340“Atsumi’s pussy was burnt sometime in the past by those rabbits I killed. The mark they left is currently giving her lots of pain. Where’s the medicine to help her?” I try to be brief and get to the point. 
341I probably should’ve just said “burn medicine,” but I’d rather give as much details to her so that Eirin can provide the best solution. 
342...actually, my concern should be directed at exactly what the fuck I just said. 
343That was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever said in my lifetime. 
344Taking it out of context, no one would ever just barge into a doctor’s room, then ask for burn medication or some shit because their fucking pet rabbit got a hot stick shoved up its hole. 
345The more I think about it, the more I realize just how ridiculous the situation I’m in is. 
346From being transported to some other world, to learning magic, then this. 
347At this point, I’m expecting that if this is a delusion, I’m in an insane asylum. 
348Actually, I hope I get euthanized soon if it is a delusion. I’m pretty sure that if I’m insane, the things I do here and the things I’ve said here practically make me look retarded. 
349Eirin’s face has one of the most confused and bewildered expressions I’ve seen from her so far. 
350Sometimes, I wish I had the intelligence to just say “please follow me” or some crap instead of saying “hey, my pet’s vagina got caramelized by a hot stick apparently a few years prior according to my pet, so do you have meds for that?” 
351I’m going to have a field day with this ridiculous situation, and god, I’m going to hate it as much as I’m going to enjoy it. 
352“You could’ve just said “follow me” instead of that,” Eirin gets off of her desk and heads toward the medicine cabinet. 
353I regret living. 
354Putting my shame aside, after Eirin grabs all that she needs, I lead her to Atsumi. 
355She immediately analyzes her, grabs some medical tools, and starts to prod around her vagina. 
356I step out of the room and close my eyes, trying to forget everything I have seen and heard. 
357… 
358Atsumi got better, but my eyes did not. 
359It recalls me to a clip of a show I once watched. 
360I think it was about a niger that got lynched, and got his genitals snipped off. 
361That was terrifying and disturbing. 
362I feel that this was around the equivalent of that for females. 
363That’s why I don’t leave a single inch out of my damn room without a weapon anymore. 
364I really don’t give a shit if people don’t trust me with a knife. I don’t trust anyone else with any weapon either, but somehow, I’m the only guy who gets barred access to my weapon. 
365This next part is about how powerful I was with alteration. 
366Basically, alteration is very amazing, except it isn’t. 
367… 
368I’ve made the Build Driver, the device which allows the user to use two bottles of essences to transform into a super-soldier, known as “Kamen Rider Build.”
369Alteration is really cool! Though, it would be really cool if that wasn’t a fucking toy. 
370I chuck the toy to the other side of my room. 
371I have to know enough about something in order to alter it. 
372Apparently, because I don’t know enough about it, it’s basically nothing more but a toy. 
373It’s still neat, and it fits my size, but that’s disappointing. 
374I wanted to slap it onto my waist, then a magical belt appears, attaching it to my waist, then I grab out two bottles, one rabbit and one tank, then shake them. 
375I would then say, “Now, shall we begin the experiment?” then put them into the two open slots in the driver, then crank that lever, and hear that soothing looping sound effect of clanging of metallic gears. 
376And once it says, “ARE YOU READY!?” I’d do the cool movements, then shout “HENSHIN!” like a badass, then do more poses, and transform into a fucking amazing armored hero. 
377I so wanted to roleplay as Kamen Rider Build, but the fuckin’ universe said no. 
378I’m guessing laser guns are out of the question unless I understand how those work. 
379Goodbye hoverboards too. I could just fly, but hoverboards are cooler. 
380I could probably build a fleshlight that automatically sucks your dick, but why can’t I build a cool ass weapon for myself? 
381As I cry in my mind about that, Eirin calls me from a distance to help her with something. 
382I leave my room and head straight towards her. 
383When I arrive, it turns out that she needs me to carry some boxes. 
384So I grab a stack of 5 boxes, then I tried to lift them up. 
385Immediately, I felt something in my arm snap, with the boxes not budging an inch. 
386I immediately back away and rub my arms from the pain. 
387“What the fuck?” I voice my confusion. 
388I move my sleeves out of the way to see the biceps and triceps on my arm, and what I discover are noodle arms, completely withered away with some flabby loose skin as well. 
389I sigh, annoyed that it went back to normal so quickly, despite having realtered it a few days ago. 
390I then tried to alter my muscles back to how I want it to be. 
391But before I could do that, Eirin slaps me on the back, leaving some paper slip on my back. 
392I felt unable to use my magic to change my muscles.
393I turn to her, which then she stares me in the eye, cold. 
394My mind tries to search for anything that could be considered morally wrong that I have done from the last time I got my ass handed to me by Eirin to now. 
395It comes up with nothing, so I ask nervously, “What did I do…?” 
396She remains silent. I hate when she does that. 
397I have zero clue what’s going on in her mind, and that’s scary. 
398“Why did you stick that one thing that removes magic or something?” I ask awkwardly, the word “Ofuda” slipping my mind as I say that, only to recall that word only after I said that. 
399“You’re relying too much on your spell,” she finally speaks. 
400Considering the contents of her first utterance so far, I’m debating between relieved that I know what she’s thinking, or terrified because she’s thinking what I think she’s thinking about. 
401“Well, it’s convenient, and I don’t see why I don’t abuse it to its limit.” I answer. 
402It’s my ability. I still have no idea why it works or doesn’t work at times, but it’s mine, so I can rely on it. 
403“What do you think would happen if you suddenly couldn’t do that anymore?” She asks me. 
404“It would be when I get lectured by a senior citizen for taking advantage of modern conveniences,” I snark, only recalling after I said that that Eirin doesn’t like to be mocked for being old, and by calling her a senior citizen, the unusual polite diction I used only adds on to the damage I’m going to take.  
405I can see a vein popping on her head. 
406I just want to get through the day, man. I never asked for a war. 
407I just want a goddamn house to be lazy in, damnit. 
408I built a computer just so I can fuckin’ meme around on the internet while everyone else does the hard work for me, since I know damn well I can’t do shit in this war. 
409“Oho?” She expresses the emotion of one that is beyond pissed off. 
410I start to back toward the door. I’ll escape when I get the chance to. She’ll calm down after some time, and I’ll get away with probably just a few days in a coma. 
411That was my plan, but Eirin moves swiftly, figuring out my intentions and blocks the door. 
412“Come on, why is it bad that I use alteration to make daily life easier?” I try to reason with her. 
413She folds her arms together. “I want you to improve yourself without using alteration.” 
414“Why?” It’s more convenient to use alteration rather than doing it the hard way. 
415She takes a deep breath. “If you keep using alteration to improve yourself, then you’ll never really improve yourself as a person. You’ll think that you can just change yourself easily, but you’ll always remain the same. You said before that you want to change into someone better, but right now, you’re basically training your mind to stay where you are. You show no signs of any willpower, and you’re making what little remainder of discipline and perseverance disappear through your easy solution, which, if I had to note, goes away rather quickly. This is the 10th time, if I recall correctly, that your body doesn’t stay the way you changed it to be using magic?” 
416Basically, using alteration as an easy way to improve myself is also a way to fool myself that I can change like there’s no big deal, and eventually, if that miracle magic suddenly disappears or becomes unable to grant a certain change, I will be too reliant on it to change beyond that, and therefore self-improvement is practically impossible, since I became too reliant on that spell, and since I do want to improve, it would be in my best interests to not use that spell for things like this. 
417That, and altering my body doesn’t cause it to stick around as long as I want it to, but it changes back to the weak body I once had, which basically is proof that this spell is rather crappy for self-improvement. 
418I could counter that because my altered face is quite the fucking improvement, but I doubt that’s what the topic is really about. 
419“Look,” I begin, “I understand what you’re saying, but I’d rather not. I mean, getting stronger isn’t easy in the usual way, and as much as I’ve tried it, nothing changed much for me.” 
420She carefully re-evaluates my body, then decides to answer why I never really changed. “That’s probably because you eat way too much junk food and you don’t get enough proper nutrients into your body.” 
421I’d question how she knows my eating habits before I arrived here, but I got used to her omniscience after being around her for so long. 
422“Well, it hurts to change.” I try to make as many excuses as I can to try and delay the inevitable. 
423“It’s not an excuse to not do it,” she counters immediately. 
424I sigh. I mean, I want to get better, sure, but I’d rather it come in the form of a miracle drug instead of hard painful work. 
425I hate that everyone has to put in years or so of work into changing themselves, and I don’t like wasting time, even if I am immortal. 
426Before I was immortal, I had a lifetime to be happy. Do I waste it on painful work, or being happy? 
427Now, I have maybe until the end of the universe if I’m lucky, but I know damn well by the time the sun reaches its end, so does this life. 
428I just want eternal happiness, but I already know unless I can somehow do something at a galactic scale, it’s not happening. 
429She sighs, almost as if she could read my mind (it wouldn’t be surprising if she could), answers the doubts in my mind, “Ask yourself what would make you happy.” 
430I think about it for a second before answering the things I do like. “Food, sleep, porn, shows, comic books, and talking with others about things.” 
431It’s rather ordinary, but it’s rather fun eating tasty foods, enjoying dreams, the arousing hentai, the emotion-manipulation stories in shows and books, and talking to people, even if over the internet, is really fun to do. 
432I remember spending a lot of time on Discord before I got banned from everywhere. 
433It was fun talking about things. Anything was fun. Being able to talk was fun. 
434I could’ve said getting revenge or something like that, and that would make me happy, but I don’t think that’s something that counts that makes me happy. 
435“How would you get them?” She asks. 
436My mind buffered. The first few things are easy to get, but the socializing bit is the hard part, considering my personality. 
437I answer awkwardly, “It’s really easy to get those things. What exactly is your point here?” 
438“So you think getting friends to talk to is that simple?” She asks. 
439Well, more often than not, you kinda just ask to be friends, but those aren’t really friends. 
440I’m not sure. I’m not getting what she’s saying. 
441“With your personality, No one would talk to you. Yet, you want someone to talk to. But you don’t feel like changing yourself to be a better person that people want to talk to.” 
442She hit the mark, and I hate it. 
443“Changing oneself is difficult. It takes a long time. But it’s worth it to get the things you want in life.” 
444I understand that, but I have my doubts. 
445Anyone who is in a higher place in power can easily prevent me from obtaining what I want. 
446As much as I want to believe her and trust in those words, I’ve gone through enough to know that kind of optimism usually ends up turning against you. 
447I don’t know if things have really changed yet. There’s proof it hasn’t, which is the war. 
448People killing people because of hate, personal benefit, et cetera. 
449All my life so far has made me who I am. This is the optimal person to live in the world based on everything I have gone through. 
450I know it’s no longer the person I want to be, but throwing that away is impossible. 
451It’s like saying everything I’ve gone through is false. Everything I know is false. 
452It’s denying the pain I’ve gone through. And I still hate it. 
453No matter how much I try to escape it, this feeling prevents me from doing that. 
454There’s no medicine that can change that. 
455I doubt Eirin could make that, even with her ability. 
456If she could make it, then why is the world like this? 
457Alteration is the closest thing to being someone different. But even when I split apart my mind into two separate entities, one being “Riku” and the other being the me I have become over the course of my teenage life, I can’t escape. 
458Even that me wants to escape, but we both can’t. Not with this feeling in our hearts. 
459Atsumi barges in, probably to grab something, creating a rather awkward moment for her. “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt whatever you two were talking about.” 
460She slowly shuts the door, “I’ll just leave: don’t mind me please.” 
461Once the door shut, I chuckle. 
462“She seems to be slightly more cheerful since the day I met her,” I note. 
463Now that I think about it, she’s becoming the proof that my new ideology is right, and she’s the existence that affirms that the change I want is worth it. 
464Though, in the end, I’m unable to beat my fears and anxieties for what may happen in the future. 
465I can’t ignore it, as it always has bitten my rear every time I have. 
466I must be able to either disprove all my worries, or be capable enough that I no longer have to be worried. 
467My eyes widen. Don’t tell me this is what- 
468“When you improve yourself, you won’t have to worry about everything,” She answers, pretty much reading my mind, “but you always will have to worry about something. It’s when you’re capable enough that you don’t have to be overwhelmed by the fear of the entire world, but just the things in front of you.” 
469I smile and ask, “Can you read my mind?” 
470“Nope,” she answers, “You’re simply an open book.” 
471“How open?” I inquire. 
472“Too open,” she responds with disgust.
473“What’s up with that tone?” 
474“The only times I can’t figure out what you’re thinking is when you’re doing something other than eat, play, then sleep. I already know you’re interested in small breasts by your glances toward Tewi and Atsumi, plus-” 
475“Wait, you figured that out based on my glances alone and not from my browser history?” 
476“I figured it out before you built that device filled with obscenities,” she covers her eyes as she says that, rubbing them, as if attempting to wipe her eyes of the images she has seen. 
477My voice breaks down, cracking and high-pitched, “How did you get into my computer without the password!?”
478She sighs again, “You like patterns and certain shapes on the keyboard, so I can check every likely possibility based on any keystroke you make.” 
479My jaw dropped. I want someone to explain to me why she became a pharmacist instead of something more grandiose or more fit for her intelligence level. 
480She could probably make the cure for cancer.
481...actually, she probably already has. 
482“Let me get back to the reason why I called you here,” she knocks me out of my wandering mind. 
483“Oh yeah, lemme just carry those boxes to-” 
484“You know you can’t with that frail body of yours,” she jokes. “I’m putting you into a schedule that makes you work daily so you aren’t being lazy all the time.” 
485“As much as I’d appreciate your kind gesture and spend time in misery, the effort will be wasted, since if I recall correctly from the many times in my life where I fuckin’ failed at improving at anything I tried at, which includes academics, I’m pretty sure-” I argue the pointlessness of it, but get interrupted. 
486“Even if it were pointless, I’m not letting you laze around while food and shelter is provided for you for free. Also, I can already tell you have zero clue how to do anything right.” 
487“That last part hurts. What do you mean by that part?” 
488“Do you just go all-out whenever you exercise or learn?” 
489“Yeah, why?” 
490She facepalms. “You don’t just fling yourself into that, dumbass. If you were a talented person who could adapt to sudden dynamic changes like that, I wouldn’t be discussing this with you now. You need to adjust yourself to that; you don’t just suddenly change if you force yourself like that.” 
491I tilt my head in confusion. “Isn’t it better to just go all-out rather than taking it slowly?” 
492“It’s only efficient if you can go all-out consistently, because otherwise you’re going to tire out, become demotivated, laze around again, and let any effort you put in wither back to how it was.” 
493I look to the side, pretending I have no idea what she’s talking about. 
494She practically just stated what I do for everything. 
495Today, I learned that I’m super proficient in science, technology, engineering and mathematics, but as it turns out, I literally -- not figuratively -- am a complete fucking fool in everything else. 
496If that was the main reason why I always gave up as soon as I always do, I’m hanging myself. 
497… 
498After that, Eirin made me go into a basic workout regimen and an education curriculum which focused mainly in medicines and basic first-aid knowledge. 
499My Japanese was still shoddy, so I kinda had to learn a bit more. 
500Seriously, why the fuck are all the things reversed? 
501And why the fuck would you practically change the entire language based on how much respect you have for a person? Just say you fuckin’ respect them to get the point across! 
502You don’t need to change your entire way of speaking to tell someone you respect them like some tsundere or some dumb fictional character, for fuck sakes. 
503At least this language doesn’t use tones like Chinese. Seriously, 4 different tones for every single sound makes shit confusing. I swear, how the fuck do people not miscommunicate all the time with that son of fuck cursed language? 
504Anyway, the stuff Eirin put me through was rather fast-paced, but simple. 
505I hate when shit takes a long time for anything. Drop what someone needs to know, get to the application, then done. That’s all. 
506It shouldn’t take 9 fuckin’ months to learn some bullshit you can cram into a few months. 
507As terrified as I am toward Eirin’s intelligence, I’m absolutely worshipful and thankful that she’s smart. 
508She doesn’t have much patience with idiots, which is why I’m rather scared. 
509More that she’d neuter me out of spite, but for another reason. 
510One that is extremely wimpy and stupid, which is why that’ll remain a mystery. 
511I should recall that this book is like a historical text. 
512Normally, there’s some big lesson about history that things won’t repeat if you know history. 
513I literally cannot breathe when someone says that sack of shit. 
514History will repeat itself. Nightmares like the Holocaust, the bombings on the two Japanese cities, the Great Depression, et cetera will repeat. 
515You don’t need to learn history to know the basic lesson in every mistake made in history was simply being ignorant and intolerant, not stupidity, despite what most people might think. 
516Stupidity is the thing that makes people do dumb things for a good reason. 
517Being ignorant and intolerant is a different story. 
518To me, history is simply scenarios. It isn’t learning from the mistakes people have made, but rather knowing what’s the proper thing to do if you were placed into that situation. 
519A lot of AP, IB, and elite historians will probably be interested in my perspective of history, but I’d like them to take it as a middle finger to how they fuckin’ test historical understanding, which then would probably end up in me losing 1 to 1000 in an argument against 10% who know what they’re talking about and 90% just hopping on the bandwagon. 
520Though, you Gensokyians probably have no idea what I’m talking about. 
521After going through that regimen Eirin put me through, I got better. 
522Adding on the strength that youkai typically have, I can lift surprising more than I thought. 
523So turns out that I had way more potential than I thought, but I was going about everything the wrong way, as usual. 
524This next part starts with the gang and me in kappa territory, buying weapons, since the war got worse. 
525You might wonder why my personality changed drastically during this section. 
526That’s because the voice and I switch control of our body from time to time. 
527The aggressive one is in control here. 
528… 
529I look around the area, noting the technological innovations they use. 
530The rip-off ideas they took and used. This isn’t kappa technology. This is human technology. 
531The fact that they’re more technologically advanced from the outside world is rather bullshit, considering they have magic to conveniently make shit easy for them. 
532Though, I’m not here to criticize that. 
533I’m here with Eirin and Reisen to make some purchases for advanced weaponry. 
534The kappas are profiting a lot from this war, which I can’t blame them for taking the opportunity. 
535I’d join them, to be honest. Build shit that they’ll kill themselves with and get this shit over with faster. 
536There are many factories, which aren’t steampunk-like, but they seem more like buildings to store a bunch of people to make crap. 
537No smoke or anything, just kappas working, seen through any and every window in a lot of buildings. 
538I call them factories because that’s what they function as. 
539I don’t do much talking, since I’m not good at it. I’m just here to carry shit. 
540Even if it’s weaponry, I get the feeling that these girls will shop away for hours, while I carry all their stuff for hours and hours until they finally decide to buy something. 
541No matter what it is, girls like blowing money away. 
542Now that I think about it, I’ve been surrounded by only females since the time I came into Gensokyo. 
543I’ve been bullied and traumatized by females at an early age. 
544Is the fuckin’ universe screwing with me? This is bullshit. 
545God, I think the only man I’ve met is that man in the lab coat, and he seemed to have a screw loose. 
546Almost as if I can predict the future, they just hand me some suitcases, which contains weapons. 
547Reisen says to me, “Carry these for us, okay?” 
548If there was a wink at the end of that sentence, I’d drop them and give her a concussion. 
549Though, I suppose I should be more peaceful. 
550Despite my knowledge and strength increasing, my mentality still hasn’t. 
551I’m still easy to anger. 
552Man, Eirin can make medicines for humans and youkai, but because I’m pretty much the fusion of both, there’s no medicines that would really work on me for that kind of stuff. 
553Like, healing cream and crap still works, but that’s about it. 
554I sigh, frustrated that nothing really has changed. 
555Strength doesn’t matter to me. It’s useful for backing up any threats I make, but it’s rather worthless to my end goal. 
556At least knowledge in first-aid and medicines are useful. 
557I look through the selection of weapons, and I find rather interesting and cool-looking weapons. 
558Eirin told me that the flashier a weapon looks, the more impractical it is in use. 
559...yeah, some of them are overkill. Who’d design a sword-spear-gun-laser-hologram-chopper eldritch horror of a weapon? Actually, who’d use that in the first place? 
560As I find more eldritch horrors, I discover that they were made by a single kappa. 
561I’m surprised they haven’t been fired. But then again, a rich fool would probably buy them. 
562Or a clever rich person would use these as art pieces instead of weaponry. 
563As impractical as those weapons are, they’re rather beautiful to look at. 
564As time spent in this place keeps going on, even more briefcases are stacked on on my load. 
565Luckily, my strength allows me carry these without much issue, but I’m starting to feel some stretch and numbness from holding onto them all. 
566Geez, pretty much all females shop like crazy. 
567Why can’t they go against stereotypes so my arms don’t have to brave through the weights? 
568I could create basic weaponry for them, but since I can’t create advanced tech like this without the understanding to do so, we have to spend money on them. 
569Even though I built a computer, it took quite a long time to create the parts and understand how computers work. 
570I managed to find some books warped inside Gensokyo about how computers work, and through those, I could build it, but laser guns don’t exactly exist yet, so I couldn’t grab a book about it and just follow it like a step-by-step guide. 
571Before we decided to go shopping, I tried to come up with ideas of things I could make with alteration, one of them being a nuclear bomb. 
572Eirin didn’t seem pleased with my idea, considering that she smacked me across the top of my head. 
573I’m still wondering how she knows what a nuclear bomb is. 
574As we continue wandering around the place like a shop, I found a sign that made me stop in my tracks. 
575It says, “Will create anything you want.” 
576Seems interesting. I enter the shop without notifying those two, which should make them either be panicked or very angry. Probably both, starting with the former. 
577As I open the door, a bell rings. I immediately hear a bunch of stuff drop and crash from behind the store. 
578“I can tell this is the store of a credible professional,” I snark outloud. 
579As I look around, there are some neat stuff in this store. 
580Apparently, kappas are the worst team players out there, and it would make sense for them to try and 1-up each other, but this one seems to be doing rather poorly. 
581Though, Kappas are known to be expert engineers, so it’s rather odd for this store’s sign to be taken as a scam, like I did. 
582Consider how technologically inferior Gensokyo is, it would be quite hard for them to deduce if that’s a scam or not. 
583A girl with blue twin-tails and eyes wearing a green cap walks from behind the store. 
584Another fuckin’ girl. I’m not gay, but I’m getting extremely suspicious. 
585This ain’t a story, and no way in hell am I some heroic protagonist that gets girls. 
586“Ah!” The girl sees me, making some stereotypical anime girl ‘Ah!’ noise. 
587 I drop the stack of suitcases onto the floor with a loud thud. No point in carrying that now, since I can easily chase the thief down, and with alteration, I could enhance myself if needed. 
588She introduces herself. “I’m Nitori Kawashiro.” 
589“Riku,” I reply. “You don’t seem to get a lot of customers.” 
590“That’s rude,” she angrily remarks. 
591“By the way, the sign out there and stuff, how exactly do you create anything?” I ask out of curiosity. 
592“Well,” she begins to explain, “I can’t create something my precious customers I want without knowing what they want, so for me to make what they want, I need them to provide a blueprint and money.” 
593I stare into her eyes with an unamused emotion. “That assumes your customers have art skills and know enough about engineering themselves, doesn’t it?” 
594It’s no wonder she doesn’t get any customers. Engineering aside, the general public suck at art. 
595“They don’t need to know engineering! They just give me a picture and some requests they want their thing to have.” 
596I scoff, “And what? We’re going to ignore the fact that a lot of people suck at art? No one can give you a picture that doesn’t look like a 5-year-old’s drawing, and from what I’m seeing around your store,” my eyes shift to the device that looks like a cartoon drawing, “you design it exactly like the picture.” 
597“Hey, it saves resources. You wouldn’t know.” 
598“Probably,” I shrug, “but I’m pretty sure that’s the reason your services are low in demand.” 
599“Are you here to criticize my store, or are you here to buy something?” She wants me to get to the point, with a little cute vein on her forehead. 
600“Well,” I create a sheet of paper for the design of the Build Driver via alteration, along with armor designs, then I explain, “This is called the Build Driver, a device that allows the user to transform into an armored hero using fullbottles, devices that contain essences of organic and inorganic things, such as Rabbit and Tank or Gorilla and Diamond. Specific combinations, like Rabbit/Tank and Gorilla/Diamond are best matches, which are more powerful than combinations that aren’t best matches.” 
601I continue to geek out for a long time, while she takes notes of the functions of the device. 
602I’m finally able to mimic a person I look up to. 
603He may be fictional, but he’s certainly better than most people I’ve met. 
604Sento Kiryu, an egotistical prodigy physicist that fights for love and peace like a badass. 
605He’s the epitome of heroes, in my opinion. 
606As for how I’m going to pay for such a device, alteration can create money. 
607So basically, I’m an infinitaire, if that’s a word. Well, if it wasn’t, it sure as hell is now, since I’m making it a word. Infinitaire, a person that holds unlimited wealth. 
608Another way to say infinitaire is “the fucker that ruined the economy.” 
609I’d prefer not using magic to create money for that reason, but I want my toy, damnit! 
610As I continue geeking along, I discuss theoretical physics, the concept of best matches, the emotional drive that fuels the device, and more stuff. 
611Once she finished taking all the notes that she needed to, she takes my picture and begins to construct the device in this building’s back room.
612I tag along, being the nerd that’s as interested about engineering and science as her, creating this amazing sci-fi device. 
613Once she’s done, it’s finally time for the test run of the device. 
614And then we encounter a problem. 
615“Whoops,” Nitori just blurts out of nowhere. 
616“Eh?” 
617“I don’t know how to make those fullbottles you were talking about!” She laughs it off, with a little tee-hee at the end of that. 
618I twitch my eye. “But they’re just bottles. How?” 
619She clarifies what she said, “I know how to make the bottles; I already made the bottles, but I have no idea what to do about the ‘essence’ part of it.” 
620“I could just alter the interiors of the bottle to contain the essences.” I grab a bottle and change it to contain rabbit essence, the bottle turning red as it changes. 
621“How did you do that?” She asks curiously. 
622“Alteration, as stated previously.” I answer. 
623“Can you create steel and wires with that?” She asks. 
624“I can’t alter anything beyond the space in my hand. I can alter reality to make steel and stuff, but I can’t make a huge load: only enough to fit in my hand.” 
625Nitori grabs a nearby lying rope of chain. 
626I sigh. “You know, you could just ask for materials. It’s not like it matters to me.” 
627“That ability is too valuable to keep free,” she untangles the chain rope. 
628I sigh, frustrated. I am not in the mood to fight. 
629I grab the Build Driver and equip it to my waist, and then grab the other bottle, turning it into a bottle that contains the essence of a tank, the bottle turning blue. 
630I shake the two bottles, then insert them into the two slots in the driver. 
631It loudly announces the bottles’ names as they get inserted. “RABBIT! TANK!” 
632Then when both are inserted, it shouts, “BEST MATCH!” then plays a repeating funky theme. 
633I then grab the lever at my right side, then start cranking it, the driver making clacks and clangs from the gears and pistons inside the driver, then once I stop cranking, it makes some cool electronic noises. 
634“Mind backing off if this works as intended?” I warn Nitori to get away from me with that chain rope. 
635She listens, seeming to be distracted by the device I asked her to build. 
636I am hyped as fuck for this. 
637I’m going to transform into a Kamen Rider. 
638The gunpla-like models pop in front and behind me, filling with red and blue liquid, forming the rabbit and tank portion of the suit. 
639I have to do the poses and movements. 
640I do the poses and movements. 
641The driver then shouts, “ARE YOU READY!?” 
642And then the word every single Rider throughout history have said to transform…
643“HENSHIN!” I should eagerly. I do more cool movements and then the gunpla-like plates with the armor slam sonto my body, which then explodes, the armor falling apart, shocking me with a surge of electricity, making my body weak, which makes my legs give away, causing me to fall on my knees. 
644The belt continues its little jingle, despite the transformation failing, as if to mock me. “THE STEEL MOONSAULT! RABBITTANK! YEAH!” 
645I stayed on my knees, while Nitori just stares at me. 
646There starts a moment of silence, as both of us attempts to process what just happened. 
647Nitori tries to process why it failed, while I try to process the failure. 
648We both just stayed in our positions, frozen silent. 
649I decide to break the silence. “Why didn’t it work?” 
650She shrugs, trying to figure it out. 
651My jaw is dropped open. I can’t believe this. 
652I take the driver off my waist. 
653I prod and fiddle with it, trying to figure out what went wrong. 
654“Maybe it was the emotional part?” Nitori suggests. 
655I turn my head to her, twisting it like an owl. “Explain.” 
656“You did say using that requires a strong emotional drive.” 
657“Ah.” 
658I have depression, which for me, has made me rather apathetic. 
659That means I have no emotional drive. Meaning there’s no emotional fuel for the driver. 
660So it can’t function properly. 
661I’m guessing it worked at first because of my excitement, but the transforming portion requires me to have something to strive/fight for, such as “Love and Peace.”
662Thing is, I’m not fighting for anything. I just want to get through the days of my life until I inevitably die. 
663I’m not trying to strive for some grand goal like a hero, and I am not a hero. 
664So this device is useless. It can only be worn by someone with a strong emotional drive. 
665But the thing is, it doesn’t matter what that emotional drive is. You can wish for world destruction really earnestly, and you can use it. 
666Regardless of what I wish for, I clearly don’t have it in me to use it. 
667I just want a home, with water, food and air. Some computers and stuff to waste my life in. A bed to sleep and dream in. I don’t want more because that’s the only thing that’s obtainable. 
668I don’t strive for something like ‘love and peace’ because that’s nothing more but a dream that I’ll never get, at least in my lifetime. 
669As much as I want a better world, I’m rather turned off that I won’t benefit from making a better world. 
670I’m not a person that smiles when someone else is happy. I become envious because they’re happy. 
671I want happiness, not sacrifice my own joy for someone else’s. 
672As much as I want to say bringing misery makes me giddy, it doesn’t. 
673It’s only satisfying in the short-term because it happens in the short-term, and not because of punishment. 
674I trip a person, the moment comes and goes, and so does the joy. 
675As childish and gay as it sounds, I just want a nice comfortable hug with stuff to geek out about. 
676I couldn't care less about others. I’m too busy managing my mess of a life. 
677This failure of a transformation made me depressed. 
678I sigh heavily. This sucks. 
679This device just proved that I can’t become like a hero I idolize. 
680If it were some stupid personality test, I’d laugh it off, but a device that relies on your emotions is a rather firm proof to me that I’ve already failed. 
681Man, this depressing line of thought has exhausted my brain. I feel sleepy. 
682I push myself up and grab the Build Driver. I paid for it, so I’m keeping it. 
683And I’d rather not let someone else touch a device like this. 
684Different combinations of fullbottles can turn anyone into a deadly superweapon, assuming this contraption works and the user can transform. 
685Hawk/Gatling is basically a human-sized plane equipped with a gatling gun that can move through the air rather smoothly and freely. 
686Ninja/Comic allows the user to use multiple jutsus, which are overpowered as fuck. Making clones of oneself, fire strike, smokescreen, and a wind attack. 
687Even a mismatch form is powerful. 
688And there are more than 60 fullbottles, and all of them are extremely powerful and versatile. 
689Even if I can’t use it, it’s better in my hands than in someone else’s. 
690I leave the back room, yawning. 
691I head over to the stack of briefcases, placing the driver into one of them, then I lift them off of the ground, carrying the stack outside. 
692As I leave, I realized I was lost. 
693I shouldn’t have left Eirin or Reisen. 
694I could use a map to navigate around this place filled with kappas, but I have zero clue on how to navigate through that accursed bamboo forest. 
695And that’s assuming I know how to get there after I leave this place. 
696Well, they probably are searching for me, since there’s no way they’ll leave stuff they bought with me, lost in this place. 
697I begin searching around the area for those two, looking in places where I have a wide field of vision. 
698I just need to look for someone with bunny ears and/or an out-of-place pharmacist dress. 
699As I think that, I immediately spot some bunny ears. 
700Despite the fact that the person with rabbit ears is Reisen, without a doubt, I don’t want to call out because I’m afraid of confusing them with her. 
701Calling someone else my mom when I was young was so embarrassing. 
702But before I could get to her, a loud huge boom came from behind me. 
703I turned around instinctively to find a cloud of smoke coming from the distance. 
704Bombs don’t exist here, so what the fuck caused that big boom? 
705I run to the smoke to get information, but then another boom happened, in the direction of the rising sun. 
706Son of a fuck! Don’t tell me I’m gonna get involved in this mess. 
707I’ve been desperately avoiding the war, and I’m about to get involved in this mess. 
708Who the fuck is attacking, and why the fuck are they attacking the center of weapon development? 
709I can hear screaming everywhere, along with the loud bangs from guns, and cannons firing. 
710Whatever the case is, I have to get the innocent civilians out of here. The soldiers signed up to die, so they should be prepared to die. The civilians, however, should remain untouched. 
711I check the contents of the briefcases. I know one of them contains a sniper rifle. 
712It would be something I would use, since I said I’m good with them, and I saw Eirin get one today. 
713When I open the last of the five briefcases, with all the open contents lying open, away from the open road, I check what I might need in case I need to fight. 
714The ones that catch my eyes are a pistol and the sniper rifle I’m looking for. 
715The Build Driver is in the last case, with the sniper rifle. 
716I equip the driver instinctively, and grab the other two weapons, then close the briefcases. 
717I still need to protect the stuff we bought. 
718I equip the sniper rifle, then I use the scope to look out in the distance to identify the threat. 
719I don’t see an army or anything through the scope, so I keep looking in the direction the people are running away from. 
720I can’t find the threat. There’s no one I can see. 
721With all the screaming going around, I manage to overhear a clue. “ABOVE US!” 
722I look up with my scope. I see a man flying. A man in a lab coat. 
723I aim at his head, carefully and steadily, getting and lying on the ground to steady my arms, waiting until the crosshair lines up just right with his head. 
724He’s moving rather slowly, so a sniper shot should be easy. 
725Once the crosshair locks onto his head, I pull the trigger.
726Once the bullet fires, a spark flashes around him, near his head. 
727He has a barrier around him. 
728And after I shot him, I notice that there are other sparks appearing around an invisible ball, covering him. 
729Guns don’t work. That means magic should. 
730I alter the ammunition to have elements imbued in them, adding a magical property to them. 
731My arms move as steadily as they can, shaken up from the recoil, the crosshairs realigning to his head. 
732Once it locks onto his head, I shoot again, only to see sparks appearing where my bullet should be. 
733That didn’t work. 
734I’m going to retreat to Reisen and Eirin. 
735I pack up everything besides the Build Driver, carrying the boxes on my back, using created ropes keeping them on my back. 
736I immediately run into the village, where they should be. 
737I search left and right as I run, trying to search for them. 
738My eyes catch a familiar pharmacist. Eirin. 
739But she’s running toward the battlefield. 
740What’s she doing?! 
741I run towards her, trying to catch up to her, navigating and flowing through the crowd to get to her. 
742Thank god school taught me how to navigate through dense crowds with haste. 
743It never helped me with anything beyond miscellaneous skills. 
744“Disable your human form and put on your rabbit ears so that Eirin can see you better,” my voice says. 
745I alter my body to become a bunny boy, showing my white soft ears and fluffy tail. 
746The child body I made for myself is rather helpful in navigating through tight spaces. 
747All I have to do is look at the ground to know where to go. 
748I look toward the ground a lot as a kid, mostly because I didn’t want to make eye contact with someone else, so I eventually learned how to predict movements based on leg movements. 
749I also can memorize layouts by the features of the ground more often than memorizing landmarks. 
750How come everything I learned in school is practically worthless unless I apply it in a specific field, while the random behaviors, habits, and useless things I have and know are useful in every place I’m in? 
751I heard once that those wide variety of shit we learn in school is to encourage people to become polymaths, but I getting a rather strong feeling that they don’t know what a polymath is.
752By “a rather strong feeling,” I mean it’s blatantly obvious. 
753And isn’t it funny how I’m focusing on school instead of my life? 
754Then again, schools ingrain the belief that you’re dead if you flunk it, so in a rather dark comedic sense, they are one in the same. 
755And I think I’ve been using the word “rather” too much. 
756I make it through the dense crowd, finding an open area, with Eirin in the middle, staring at the man with a bow drawn. 
757“PROJECTILES DON’T WORK!” I shout to her as I catch up to her. 
758The bullets I shot didn’t work, even with magic. 
759But she takes the shot anyway, which then pierces through the barrier, hitting the man in the head. 
760“AH! THAT’S BULLSHIT!” I shout angrily. How the fuck did that work, but a sniper rifle didn’t!? 
761“That’s due to his incompetence at defensive magic,” she answers once I stop next to her. 
762“The kappas have the strongest military weapons, don’t they!? Why the fuck are we wasting money on weaponry if you can do THAT!?” 
763“Don’t expect me to do everything. I won’t always be there.” She loads up another arrow, which makes me turn my head in the direction of the man, seeing that he’s looking this way. 
764The man raises his arm toward us, which sends a chill down my spine. 
765One of the traits I have from being a semi-rabbit is being able to sense danger. 
766Prey species tend to be more aware than hunting species, since they need to be able to detect danger in order to survive. 
767It’s not much of being able to detect danger, but to deduce it. 
768Sensing danger is simpler to say than we deduce it based on what we perceive through our senses.
769Though, it only functions intuitively for me. Reisen and Tewi can tell where it is and what it might be, while me, being a semi-rabbit youkai, can only feel danger. 
770I raise my arms toward the man, creating rocks in my hands, ready to alter their momentum from rest to near-lightspeed at the fucker’s head. 
771The man fires a projectile at us, which then I launch one of my rocks at it, causing it to explode in mid-air, creating a nuke-sized explosion, frying the roofs of some nearby buildings. 
772I launch the other rock at the man, then create more rocks in my hands, reloaded and ready to go. 
773The rock explodes on contact with the barrier, the force of the impact affecting the air, creating a high-pressure blast of air inside his barrier that wipes a quarter of his body out. 
774But the body remains afloat in the air, with an arrow inside its head and a huge gap in its body. 
775All the firing has stopped, which is probably because we all think we have won. 
776His body is half-gone, so it’s over. No way in hell can anyone survive that. 
777The body is staying afloat, but it seems over. I drop my arms and take a relaxed breath. 
778However, the body then moves again, raising its arms in a t-position. 
779I don’t bother re-arming myself. If that didn’t work, I’m pretty sure nothing I do on his body will. 
780Though, I recognize the man somewhere. 
781I recall seeing him in that village, but I think I saw him elsewhere. 
782“So this is how Araku destroyed everything he came across,” Eirin notes to herself. 
783Her comment causes me to recall where I saw the man before. 
784It was the crazy guy that declared that he’d start a genocide on everyone. 
785That one guy that rumors were circulating around the land. 
786If all the rumors were true, and he did destroy that large human and youkai group, then why the fuck is he here? 
787And hell, why the fuck is a final boss here of all places? 
788He’s already decimated half of this place already. 
789I can’t figure out his aim. 
790“Wasn’t the first thing he said to us was something about hating the world?” my voice says. 
791If that’s the case, then he’s going on a mass murder because he hates the world. 
792That’s fuckin’ edgy. I’m going to have to take him out. 
793“The problem is how to do that,” my voice continues my thoughts. 
794If I can get close enough to him, I can alter him, neutralizing or killing him. 
795But that’s unreliable. There’s no way to get close enough safely. 
796“Wait, what is he doing?” my voice observes the man charging something up. 
797My body is telling me to run. It shifts back instinctively. 
798I alter my eyes to see the flow of energy. 
799I don’t see that man absorbing energy from anywhere, but energy is accumulating toward his hands. 
800A lot of energy is accumulating on his hands.
801That’s too much. That’s fucking insane. That’s impossible. That’s bullshit. 
802Why on Earth would anyone hate the world if they have that much power? 
803They could easily do anything they want. 
804Killing everyone won’t get him the attention I’d assume he’d want. 
805My head hurts trying to figure it out. 
806The kappas are firing laser cannons and using futuristic weaponry against the man. 
807I’m guessing those weren’t for sale so that they remain at the top in military power. 
808“Kugelblitz,” I hear Araku shout, audible throughout the village. 
809The moment I hear that, the man creates a city-sized explosion. 
810Eirin casts a barrier as soon as he says that, protecting us for a short moment before it breaks, letting the explosion hit us, causing our flesh to fry. 
811I can tell the temperature around the area is lava-hot. 
812Since I had altered my body to handle extreme temperatures, I’m fine, but Eirin might not be. 
813And then it hit me that Reisen wasn’t with us. She could be dead. 
814When my eyes readjusted after the bright flash of the explosion, I see the entire territory decimated. 
815When I look around, kappa corpses are scatter around, cooked tender. 
816Youkai can’t be killed by physical weapons unless enough meaning or spirit is behind it, if I recall correctly, yet there are corpses everywhere. 
817This entire situation is making my head break. I need to know why and how this happened. 
818Regardless, I need to look for survivors. 
819It’s disturbing to me that I’m not concerned about the loss of life. 
820I’m looking for them simply to prove an ideal. I could care less about the lives themselves. 
821I’m really a sociopath, huh. I haven’t been diagnosed with it by a professional, but I feel that everything I feel leads to that conclusion. I doubt depression would cause this amount of apathy for life. 
822He didn’t use the kugelblitz to instantly wipe out this planet, despite him declaring war against every living thing on this planet. 
823He’s clearly dragging things out for some reason, but thinking about it, along with the other question in my head make my head spin. 
824I alter my eyes to find heat signatures. I see a single color filling my vision. Heat vision isn’t going to find me any survivors in this new scorching environment. 
825I’m doubting if I should go and find survivors. Everyone is likely dead. 
826The man is dead or has escaped, but either way, the danger has subsided. 
827But I’m going on a hopeless prayer that someone is alive. 
828Most of the population is likely youkai, meaning they aren’t built like typical living things, which means they could still be alive, since they probably don’t have proteins that can be denatured from the intense heat, nor a type of body that can fry like that. 
829There also is some bunker or shelter of some sort people evacuated to in the event of an attack. 
830The kappas are advanced, and humans did start to be able to kill youkai like anything else, so there is a good reason for them to construct something like a shelter in the event of an attack. 
831Hopefully they made it heat proof. 
832I alter my vision to see motion. I can see some movement in a concentrated area underground near the middle of the territory. 
833My guess was right. Thank goodness I’m smart enough to figure that out and be right. 
834When I leave my motion vision, I return to the desolate scenery of a bomb dropped on a city. 
835If there’s a second one, I’m snapping that man’s neck. 
836I can’t be bothered by the fried corpses. They’re dead. I can’t revive them with alteration. 
837The best I can do is save those already alive. 
838I run towards where I saw the mass of motions, stopping at the center of the city. 
839It’s covered in debris, likely also covering the entrance. 
840I can’t open it with the debris in the way, and now that I think about it, I can’t open it when the outside has the temperature of hell unless I want turtle soup. 
841I create a flow of liquid oxygen from my palms, spraying it everywhere to cool off the area. 
842The liquid evaporates almost instantly as I created it at first, but then it became cool enough for it to reach the ground before it evaporated. 
843Once it’s cool enough, I stop. 
844I create a large high-pressure burst of air to blow the debris out of the way, which also ends up blowing me away. 
845I stop in mid-air by creating a stone brick underneath my feet, angling my body and then continuously  altering the brick to have no momentum, absorbing my momentum, and then I fall with the brick, slowing down my descent by creating a parachute. 
846Once I land, I search the area for an entrance underground.  
847I take some deep breaths. Using magic exhausts me, like when I exercise. 
848Luckily, this exhaustion only builds up if I continuously use it, like constantly spraying liquid oxygen all over the area. 
849My exhaustion recovers somewhat faster than my stamina when I run, so that’s a plus. 
850I spot a large trapdoor near the back of the area, which I walk towards. 
851There’s no reason to rush at the moment. 
852I grab the latch and rip it open, revealing stairs on one half of the entrance and a smooth slide-like surface on the other half, likely to rush people into the bunker in case of situations like this. 
853I feel bad for the people who had to go first, since I know how much a butt gets rammed into when multiple people go down it at once. 
854I squat down, seeing a bunch of kappas underneath. 
855I can also see a little white pair of ears from the distance too, so that probably means Reisen is safe. 
856I fling myself on the slide and head down real quickly to inform them of the situation. 
857Once I make it down, I can see a few expressions of fear, concern, mystified faces, and other stuff. 
858Some play games from the corner of my eyes, some are fighting, every is passing by the time doing something. 
859“Everyone,” I say, monotonous, “The danger is over.” 
860I’m too exhausted with the depressing thoughts I had to give them a joyful info. 
861Besides, a lot of people had died, so there’s no reason to be cheerful. 
862“Really?” someone wants to confirm what I said. 
863“Yes,” I answer loudly back with the same monotone voice. 
864There’s a slight pause before they decide to exit. 
865Everyone is rushing out rather quickly, me leaving as fast as I can to escape the crowding. 
866I hate physical contact with others. It’s weird. 
867I wait outside for Reisen, just to confirm that’s really her and the one I saw with white bunny ears is her. 
868There’s obviously a 100% chance that she’s Reisen, since she’s the only other rabbit other than me here, but due to my tendency to second guess myself, I want to make sure. 
869When she pops out, I immediately shout to notify her of my presence, “Heya!” 
870She heads towards me immediately. “Where’s Eirin?” She asks. 
871I shrug. “I left her because she’s immortal and she can handle herself.” 
872Panic about someone immortal is called stupidity. Kind-hearted, but stupid. 
873“Where did you leave her?” 
874I point to the direction of some nearby structures that looked familiar before I left to find survivors, “Probably over there.” 
875“Probably?” Reisen questions my diction. 
876“I don’t keep track of things like these,” I answer. 
877I’ve only memorized their names because I’m around them daily. I don’t bother remembering people I’m not concerned about. 
878It has caused a lot of awkward moments at school, but I’m no longer in it, nor do I care about it. 
879It’s more of something to joke about. Miscommunication is funny when it isn’t about something serious or when the discussion become serious. 
880Reisen run towards the direction I point to in search for Eirin. 
881… 
882After that, Reisen found Eirin. 
883The kappas were figuring out what to do after this, since they were well-aware of a threat like him, due to him taking the spotlight and literally declaring war on everyone. 
884They apparently aware that he was capable of being able to launch nuke-sized blasts, and then the town-wiping explosion at the end was more than unexpected to everyone. 
885They were the strongest, but due to Araku fucking things up, they’re rather vulnerable at that moment. 
886But it wasn’t over yet. 
887But before we get back into the action, if you had noticed me transitioning from calling the man to Araku to the man again, and you made the connection between my comment about how I don’t bother remembering things I don’t care about to this, you should know how fast I forget things now. 
888… 
889Everyone got knocked out of the discussion about how to return things to the way they were, now that the man re-appeared again, in front of all of us, afloat in the air. 
890Everyone is paralyzed from fear, while I stay as I always am because I’m rather apathetic about the situation, as usual. 
891The man descends and lands on the ground, then clears his throat. 
892I feel like cringing. My gut tells me this is going to be a speech about how this world sucks. 
893The man speaks, “This world is rotten.” 
894I knew it, but before I knew it, my body had instinctively jumped out of the crowd to sucker punch him. 
895My fist hits his face, quickly shutting him up. 
896Thank you, unconscious. 
897For a person able to blow up an entire city, I’m surprised that I actually managed to hit him, now that I think about it. 
898I turn to face him, seeing an annoyed expression on his face, staring at me with murder eyes. 
899He kicks me down harshly, making a small crater from his kick. 
900I didn’t know I could handle that much force. 
901He then slams his foot over my ribs, directly above my heart. 
902I don’t scream because I don’t want to show vulnerability. 
903The man then pushes his foot through my ribs, breaking it, squishing my heart, as I couldn’t feel my chest beat as soon as it stepped through me. 
904I remained conscious as he twisted his feet around the interiors of my body, making my scream instinctively. 
905My eyes fill with tears from the pain, and my body releases my excretions prematurely. 
906… 
907Due to me possessing my body, I’m not actually connected to life and death based on my body, but rather my will. I don’t know how that works, but point is, my body became dead and one thing about dying is that the body releases your poop and piss because the muscles relax. 
908Basically, I did not shit and piss myself willingly. My body did it automatically because I was technically dead again. My consciousness is a completely different issue. 
909… 
910I scream louder. 
911I’m showing too many vulnerabilities. 
912I’m crying, meaning I’m weak. 
913I feel some slop in my underwear and a wet feeling, meaning I probably shat and pissed myself. 
914I’ve just embarrassed myself, showing how much of a disgusting fuck I am. 
915Screaming is normal, since it’s painful. 
916But I can’t stop crying. I need to stop. I can’t fix the fact that I shat myself, but I need to stop crying. 
917If I can’t keep a straight face, I’m vulnerable. 
918I don’t care about screaming as much as I want, so long as it appears aggressive, but I can’t cry. 
919Why can’t I stop? 
920I can hear talking. The man is speaking, the people staying silent. 
921I can’t make out the details, nor do I care. I need to stop crying. 
922My tears won’t stop. It hurts. My chest feels painful. 
923I can’t stop, but I need to stop. 
924But his feet continues squirming around my body, and I can’t help but scream louder and cry more. 
925I have to stop, yet my body refuses to respond to me. 
926Stop damnit! I’m no longer chained by my disgraceful past, so I can’t make my life here more of a failure than it already has! 
927… 
928Eventually, my throat stopped making noise, but I could still feel the feet squirming around in my chest, along with the pain. 
929I remained conscious the entire time before he roughly pulled his feet out of my chest, which was really painful. 
930He then wiped out the survivors. Not all of them, but left a few. 
931One of them was the one that built that Build Driver I wanted so much. 
932Due to the fact that the kappa are technologically advanced, and now that there are too few to be a community, plus that they were vulnerable, they could be kidnapped by other nations to be forced to develop technology for them. 
933Nitori recognized me, Eirin persuaded her to join us, and so we gained an engineer for the war. 
934It was purely luck. Nitori noticed me, then they had some small talk, and then she joined us. 
935The rest didn’t feel motivated to join, but after they dragged my corpse back to Eientei, news came to Eientei that some kappa were enslaved by some nations to develop weaponry, while some joined peaceful nations to fight for peace, and any remaining kappas fled. 
936Eirin was aware that if my body died, I would remain conscious and stuck in my body, since I have no idea how to abandon my body, and my body has a high compatibility with my soul, making it hard for me to seperate from it anyways. 
937She ended up using the Hourai Elixir on me, since it was already a given that I want immortality, and I still have no problems. 
938So, I became twice as immortal. 
939When you die once, you get used to it somewhat. The pain is enough of a deterrent for me to prevent me from being impulsive and trying some big stunt, but I always know I can always pop up back alive. 
940This next part is me, being concerned about the inevitable death of the universe, ending all life, and therefore my entertainment. 
941… 
942There has to be someway to prevent the universe from dying. 
943I won’t be able to enter nothingness, nor an afterlife if it exists. 
944Actually, an afterlife probably exists since magic and folklore monsters exist, but that’s not the point. 
945I need a way for life to live indefinitely. 
946But there remain a limited amount of materials in the universe, despite seeming infinite. 
947There exists limited energy, despite seeming infinite. 
948The sun will inevitably die, then dwarf stars die, then black holes die, leaving the universe cold and empty, in a perfect equilibrium. 
949Maybe I’m going about it the wrong way. 
950I’m not sure where I’m going wrong, but I’m going to focus on the sun instead of the inevitable end, since the sun is the main energy source that will power future civilizations. 
951The sun is a giant explosion, made from hydrogen atoms fusing together into heavier atoms, up until it fuses into iron, then once iron becomes abundant enough, gravity will cause the sun to collapse on itself and create a supernova, ending up as a giant star, neutron star, or black hole. 
952So if there was a way to fuse the iron to produce energy, then it may continue to live, but that’s not possible, and heavier elements would probably lead to an inevitable collapse. 
953The problem is the iron. If it’s possible to get rid of the iron, it won’t collapse, since there’s not a strong enough gravitational pull if a mass as large as what I think the size to be is removed. 
954Actually, couldn’t alteration remove that? It probably could. 
955I feel like that’s too easy. There’s going to be problems if I just did that. 
956Actually, since I’m removing mass, it’ll affect the overall gravity of the sun. If the sun’s gravity is keeping the sun from expanding everywhere due to the energy it outputs from all the fusion reactions, then removing that would be suicide. 
957Therefore, I need to deal with gravity. If I replenish the mass of iron removed with an equal amount of hydrogen in mass to the sun, then the gravity should remain the same, if the universal gravitation equation works in this scenario. 
958But then if I add more hydrogen, then there would probably be an increase in the reaction rate, which if it’s possible for the energy of the reactions to overpower gravity, then the Earth goes bye-bye. 
959So maybe I shouldn’t remove the core. 
960To deal with that issue, I could either remove and replenish hydrogen by little insignificant amounts relative to the sun’s mass, or I could alter the sun to go back to how it was sometime ago, assuming that I can get the data to a save-state of the sun in my mind. 
961The former requires constant maintenance if I don’t want everything to be destroyed, while the latter assumes that I can touch the sun. 
962Now that I think about it, how will I remove the iron? I can’t alter space on cosmological scales, so I can’t do it from a distance. I also don’t know if I just need to touch the surface of the sun or actually touch the iron core in order to remove it. 
963Well, fuck. 
964At least I know it’s possible for that to happen if I get more powerful. 
965But it’s not my main priority, since that’s going to happen millions of years from now. 
966Though, considering that I don’t know how to increase my alteration range, it remains a lost cause. 
967… 
968I still have not reached that height. 
969In this next scene, my split personalities fused together when Atsumi entered my room. 
970Our personalities weren’t exactly completely incompatible. We come from the same person, with the same history, with the same mind. We agreed on a variety of things, and soon my mind fused together with that voice of mine. 
971It’s not like someone died when we fused. We became one, since we used to be one, and we agreed on way too many things for us to maintain ourselves as separate entities. 
972We more or less predicted that, and I wasn’t surprised that the voice disappeared. 
973… 
974“Do you think we should tell them about our past?” My voice deduces from my thoughts. 
975I stay silent for a moment to think about it. 
976I’m not sure. Eirin seems to be wise, and if I told her about my past, then she may be able to come up with a solution to help me. 
977But at the same time, my past is something I wish never existed. 
978I’m lucky that I don’t exist in this world until I arrived in Gensokyo. 
979No one knows my past, and therefore, I have a second chance that I can never get back. 
980But honestly, they seemed to be rather understanding of me. 
981“You know what our brother said when he was actually wise, right? People don’t straight-up tell someone that they think we’re autistic, weird or creepy.” 
982I want to say that’s just anxiety speaking, but from every experience in my life, people have hidden the truth from me. 
983When I’m hated, no one tells me. No one tells me the truth that I don’t want to hear until they snap. 
984“So we both agree that we won’t seek help out of fear that we will lose the connections we have now.” 
985Yet, I feel that I have to take this risk. If I don’t, then I won’t change. 
986But I don’t want them to hate me. 
987Because they’re the only ones I have in this world, and if I lose this, then I will have nothing but myself. 
988I would lose this house, a shelter, a food sources, all my physiological needs, gone. 
989But I’d also lose the few people I’ve bonded with, and the only people I’ve bonded with in this world. 
990I can’t risk it. I’ll likely commit suicide if I end up in that much despair. 
991And this world will remember the very few instances of me as a nuisance. 
992I’ve already messed up back in my world. I can’t do it again. 
993“Eventually, they’ll get curious. And knowing a magical world, there may exist a being that can read minds or see the history of a person. If that’s the case here, then we will lose everything eventually.” 
994As much as I am the type who gets the truth over with so that people get used to it, this happens to be the thing that I will not risk. 
995It’s stupid and edgy, and if anyone finds out, they’ll be laughing at me, not my past. 
996It already happened once when I showed vulnerability. I can’t let that happen again. 
997The door to my room is opened by Atsumi, entering for something. 
998She looks at me and notes, “You looks sad.” 
999“I’m thinking about things,” I explain, then ask, “Why are you here?”
1000Atsumi walks a distance in front of me, then bows. “Thank you for helping me.” 
1001I stare at her. 
1002I didn't help her. I offered her a place to be safe, and everyone else took care of her. 
1003“I didn’t,” I reply. 
1004“But if you hadn’t brought me in, I don’t think I’d be here right now.” 
1005Maybe, but I know that it wouldn’t work for everyone that needs help. 
1006I can’t just offer them a place and leave others to take care of them. 
1007Now that I think about it, I think I only got lucky with helping her. 
1008I did a little thing, but that’s all. The rest of the world helped her, not me. 
1009If I can’t help a person just by myself, then I can’t help anyone. 
1010Not everyone is going out of their day to help others, but I can. 
1011But if I can’t do the helping part, then it wouldn’t matter if I went out in the first place. 
1012I can’t rely on others to do everything for me. I have to do everything. 
1013“I see,” I respond, then lie to shoo her away, “Well, thanks.” 
1014“You’re trying to shoo me away, aren’t you?” She asks. 
1015I stare at her for a few seconds to buy time for an excuse. “I’m busy thinking.” 
1016“About what?” 
1017“Stuff.” 
1018“What stuff?”
1019“Personal stuff.” 
1020“And what is it?” 
1021“Unavailable for public access.” 
1022She sighs. “Spill it.” 
1023“No,” I answer firmly. 
1024“I can tell that you’re depressed and you’re hiding whatever is making you depressed.” 
1025I raise an eyebrow. “And when did you become a mind-reader?” 
1026“When I used to hide my problems, you often told me how you know I’m hiding something, giving me cues that hint that I do that, and you like explaining things so much, I kinda get the gist of knowing if a person, like you, is hiding their problems.” 
1027I regret being autistic. “And?” 
1028“There has to be something I can do to repay you.” 
1029I sigh, “You don’t have anything to repay me for. I didn’t do anything significant.” 
1030“Then I’ll repay you in a little way,” she counters. 
1031“Stop being persistent.” 
1032“No,” she responds, determined. 
1033I groan. “Explain your point here.” 
1034“I can’t leave the person that helped me in this state when they brought me out of that same state.” 
1035“Sadly, I won’t be accepting help. I refuse to rely on someone.” 
1036“I’m gonna help, whether you like it or not.” 
1037Before I reply, I notice her comment sounds familiar. “...what?” 
1038“You said that when we first met.” 
1039I twitch my head. “It was an impulsive act at the moment and it doesn’t mean that’s how I typically am.” 
1040“That doesn’t change the fact that you helped me.” 
1041I stretch and take a deep breath. She’s persistent and determined. 
1042When did she become persistent and determined? 
1043I must ask. “Where is this coming from?” 
1044“I don’t want to sit around and do nothing,” she responds. 
1045The ideology Eirin tried to teach me. I wonder if she did something. 
1046“So Eirin didn’t tell you to do anything?” I want to confirm if my suspicions are right. 
1047“This is coming from me entirely.” 
1048I know I didn’t do anything to change her from hopeless to determined. 
1049I only gave her a place. 
1050That isn’t sufficient enough of information to say that I’m responsible for her beneficial change, and even assuming that I am directly responsible, I gained nothing: no skills, no knowledge, literally nothing. 
1051I can’t feel any accomplishments if I didn’t to it purely with my own skills. 
1052I do not want help. Since she’s being persistent, I can always rely on my basic go-to tactic to get rid of persistent fucks like these. Being me. 
1053“I never asked for help, nor do I want it. Leave me be.” 
1054She remains firm in her stand. “No. I’m going to help you, whether you like it or not.” 
1055“You’re not going to change anything, and you will suffer for nothing.” 
1056“At least doing something has the chance of changing something.” 
1057“You won’t change anything.” 
1058“How do you know?” 
1059I pause. I know I won’t change because every single attempt by psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, friends, family, pretty much everyone and anyone that has tried to help has achieved nothing, as I have always returned to my original ideology. 
1060I was once told that I shouldn’t be chained to my past, yet when I let go of it, the same thing happened. 
1061As usual, I was right. 
1062Even if she will bring me up, I will fall down. 
1063Just like before. 
1064As much as it’s unlikely for the same thing to happen a billionth time in a row, the universe is always feeling like being improbable, and history is telling me to just accept fate and give up. 
1065Actually, now that I recall, the first time I really recall giving up is when I tried apologizing so persistently that it got annoying, and once I gave up, I felt more relieved. 
1066Even my brother told me so. I should stop trying to be myself. 
1067Continuing trying to fight for something I can’t achieve is stupid. 
1068Maybe any normal person can achieve it, but thing is, I’m autistic. 
1069I think that’s the issue. Autistic people can try as best as they can to act normal, but they can never truly change to be normal. 
1070Autistic people have a hard time deviating from their interests to begin with. 
1071As depressing as it sounds, every single thing I’m trying has led me to believing that in the end, I do not matter if I’m a nuisance. 
1072Because I can’t change as best as I can to not be an annoyance, it’s better if I learn just to shut up. 
1073People may say that I have a voice and will, and I deserve something like that. 
1074That’s out of formality. That phrase is meant for the ordinary. I’m unordinary in the bad way. 
1075I cannot change, no matter how much effort I have placed into changing my mentality. 
1076I remember being told that if my ideology is right, then I wouldn’t have been punished as harshly for having that ideology. 
1077The only time I have never been punished was when I remained silent. I kept to myself, had no will for others to see, nothing more but a doll. 
1078I’ve been told that I do deserve happiness. That’s a load of crap. 
1079As it turns out, everything everyone has said about hopes, dreams, pain, suffering, and all the like does not apply to me. 
1080Everyone else can go ahead and pursue the happiness they want. I can’t, and I give up. 
1081I won’t get in the way. I will stay on the sidelines. 
1082I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to be an empty doll. 
1083I cannot be anything else that doesn’t harm me or others. 
1084It’s the one thing that I can become as a person that doesn’t make me revered. 
1085I place my hand on my head, altering my mind to be as logical as possible. 
1086“Well, it doesn’t matter now. You can thank me by continue to be yourself,” I smile happily. 
1087“Eh?” She’s likely wondering what’s with my sudden change in attitude. 
1088“It makes me pink inside to know that I accomplished something.” I respond, with the same fake smile, patting her on the shoulders as I head over to the door. 
1089She remains silent as I walk out the room. 
1090I’ve retained some emotion just in case, but it’s not enough to override any of my general thoughts. 
1091My mind functions more efficiently. I seem to notice more than I do before. 
1092Not much with the social atmosphere, as usual, but I feel like a computer. 
1093I have to question why I never considered to remove emotions earlier if I no longer feel sad. 
1094I feel as apathetic as I usually do, with the same minimal emotions. 
1095Nothing really changed with daily life, other than that I no longer feel as negative as I used to. 
1096I don’t feel happy about it, but it’s interesting to note. 
1097I still feel curious, can read emotions as well as I used to, can sense when something is considered morally right/wrong, et cetera. 
1098So in the end, nothing has drastically changed. It’s an improvement. 
1099I’d fake enjoyment, but I don’t see the need to. It doesn’t improve my social image if I smile widely and laugh erratically for no apparent reason. 
1100I decide to take a walk around the building. There’s nothing else to do but think. 
1101I recall a funny image of a horse’s face, but I don’t laugh. 
1102Interesting. I can tell this could be perceived as comedic, but I do not laugh. 
1103I suppose I’ll deduce why Atsumi was so determined. 
1104I’m guessing that due to the fact that our first interaction stuck in her head, and she associated the help she received from others to me, due to me being thought of as the starting point of everything. 
1105She may have copied a part of my personality out of admiration for someone who’s willing to help someone in suffering. 
1106She likely wanted to help because it would be sad to her that the person who she think helped her can’t help himself, and she wants to return the favor. 
1107As I walk around the building, I meet Eirin, doing the same thing. 
1108We look each other in the eye before continuing to wander around the place for no reason. 
1109She knows what I did to my mind. I wonder what she might do with that information. 
1110… 
1111It’s already a spoiler by now that I got my emotions back. 
1112You see, my past continues to haunt me one way or another. 
1113I killed some people in gruesome ways, making sure they suffer a lot before they die. 
1114That’s why I had some documentaries that analyzed me in the makings before I warped into Gensokyo.  
1115I was caught, and for unknown reasons, I got warped here. 
1116The reason why I murdered a few people was because I despised those people. 
1117A lot of my predictions became right at that moment, and I started to slaughter specific people. 
1118I was on death row, despite being a young teen, for my actions. 
1119Then I got warped here, leaving my old world behind. 
1120I’m pretty sure they’re all baffled on how I vanished. 
1121Being in a new world was liberating. 
1122In order to lessen the absurd amount of stress I get when I do anything, I stole some drugs to plop into my mouth. 
1123And this is the end of chapter 5.