F4v3VuMv

1Hogan met with Abyss. He told him to sit down and told Eric to get out. He said he was so sick and tired of seeing Abyss chase his tail and be afraid of his own shadow. He said it was over right now. He said Superman had a cape, Popeye had spinach, and he wanted to know if Abyss was really a monster. He told him he would never cower or shake again, brother. He took off his WWE Hall of Fame ring. "This is my life, this is everything. This is the only thing that never left me." He said the ring was the only thing that ever loved him, it was something that he'd spent 30 years earning, crippling up his body in the process, and now he was giving it to Abyss. "This will give you the power of the universe," he said, "this will be good to you, this will protect you, this will love you and this will make you THE GOD OF WRESTLING!" From this point forward, he said, Abyss would be the most powerful man in the world. Abyss put it on and squealed, and said this ring stood for every Hulkamanic in the world, and now it stood for the MONSTER ABYSS! And then he cackled. This was definitely something else.
2
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45OCT. 11 FIGURE FOUR WEEKLY: EMPLOYEES VS. INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS PART II
46BY OBSERVER STAFF | STAFF@WRESTLINGOBSERVER.COM | @WONF4W
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50 
51Figure Four Weekly No. 798 (bold underline)
52 
53By Bryan Alvarez
54In part one of our look at the independent contractors vs. employees issue in World Wrestling Entertainment we examined the Scott Levy, et al., lawsuit against WWE and talked to several lawyers to determine the ramifications of it and whether the result had any bearing on the current investigation by Connecticut's Joint Enforcement Commission on Employment Misclassification into WWE.
55 
56Some readers have asked why the issue is important at all. There are two reasons. First, WWE wrestlers, if misclassified, are missing out on a number of benefits, including employee-covered health care (which can be very expensive), 401k retirement plans, paid vacations and sick days, and more. Second, if WWE is misclassifying its wrestlers they could face millions of dollars in fines and penalties during what is already a down period for business.
57 
58The issue in classifying pro wrestlers, as noted last week, lies in the nebulous nature of the common law rules. The IRS website itself states: "There is no 'magic' or set number of factors that 'makes' the worker an employee or an independent contractor, and no one factor stands alone in making this determination. Also, factors which are relevant in one situation may not be relevant in another. The keys are to look at the entire relationship, consider the degree or extent of the right to direct and control, and finally, to document each of the factors used in coming up with the determination."
59 
60So that is what we are going to do this week. We're going to look at all of the IRS' common law rules and ask three lawyers and three current and/or former WWE wrestlers to state which side of the fence they believe wrestlers fall on in each case. Obviously, wrestlers would have a better understanding of the intricacies of their job than lawyers, but I felt the lawyers might be able to look at it from a standpoint that perhaps the wrestlers would not, and vice versa.
61 
62The first aspect to consider is the type of relationship, which is broken down into categories of written contracts, employee benefits, permanency of the relationship, and services provided as key activity of the business. It is interesting to note, especially in light of the judge's ruling in the Levy case, that the IRS specifically states, "Although a contract may state that the worker is an employee or an independent contractor, this is not sufficient to determine the worker’s status." In other words, just because a person signs a contract saying they are an independent contractor does NOT mean that this contract will hold up in court if they are actually misclassified. For example, if I am signed to a contract that stipulates I will kill someone, if I kill that person the fact that I signed a contract to do it does not make the act legal.
63 
641. Benefits. (bold) (all pooints bold) In terms of benefits (insurance, pension plans, paid vacation, sick days, and disability insurance), "businesses generally do not grant these benefits to independent contractors. However, the lack of these types of benefits does not necessarily mean the worker is an independent contractor." Do WWE wrestlers get benefits? All three lawyers and all three wrestlers universally said no. Several did note that while WWE stars are not given health insurance, if they are injured on the job WWE covers the entire expense (it should be noted that TNA has paid for surgeries as well but then demanded the wrestlers pay the money back). But they are shielded from worker's comp due to the independent contractor classification. So this category suggests independent contractor.
65 
662. Permanency of the Relationship. "If you hire a worker with the expectation that the relationship will continue indefinitely, rather than for a specific project or period, this is generally considered evidence that the intent was to create an employer-employee relationship." This was a prime example of a category that is apparently open to interpretation. One lawyer and one wrestler said the relationship was meant to be indefinite. Two lawyers and two wrestlers said the relationship was for a specific period. The disagreement stems from the fact that WWE signs guys to, say, three-year deals, which is an agreement for a specified period of time. But one person when voting "indefinite" noted that both sides presume going in that for nearly everyone the relationship will continue indefinitely until the wrestler is terminated. So for this category we will conclude no consensus.
67 
683. Services Provided as Key Activity of the Business. "If a worker provides services that are a key aspect of the business, it is more likely that the business will have the right to direct and control his or her activities. For example, if a law firm hires an attorney, it is likely that it will present the attorney’s work as its own and would have the right to control or direct that work. This would indicate an employer-employee relationship." All three wrestlers and all three lawyers voted yes. One wrestler noted that not only are wrestlers 100 percent the key to WWE's business (no wrestlers, no WWE), but anything a wrestler does is considered WWE's intellectual property and they have the right to use it into perpetuity without the written consent of the wrestler. This overwhelmingly suggests employee.
69 
704. Behavioral Control. "Behavioral control refers to facts that show whether there is a right to direct or control how the worker does the work. A worker is an employee when the business has the right to direct and control the worker. The business does not have to actually direct or control the way the work is done – as long as the employer has the right to direct and control the work." All three wrestlers and all three lawyers voted yes, the WWE has the right to control the wrestler and direct how he does his work. There were caveats, such as one wrestler noting that wrestlers normally have 85 percent of the input into their matches bell-to-bell. But the question is not whether WWE does control them, but whether they CAN. If WWE scripted out a match move-for-move and asked the wrestler do it, the wrestler would do it. Several noted how completely WWE controls its workers, everything from a dress code to the fact that "McDonald's isn't telling employees 'you can't tweet after midnight.'" This overwhelmingly suggests employee.
71 
725. Types of Instructions Given. "An employee is generally subject to the business’s instructions about when, where, and how to work. All of the following are examples of types of instructions about how to do work." This is broken down into subsections.
73 
74a. When and where to do the work. Everyone agreed WWE controls this.
75 
76b. What tools or equipment to use. No consensus. Most said it boiled down to gear, and even that isn't something universal. Some wrestlers buy it, others have it made for them, and whether WWE controls it sometimes has to do with the gimmick.
77 
78c. What workers to hire or to assist with the work. The majority said yes, WWE controlled it, but it was not a 100 percent consensus. It's not really relevant in that the people who assist with the work in wrestling are, for example, tag partners. WWE wrestlers aren't hiring others to help with their work because there is no work that would require them hiring helpers.
79 
80d. Where to purchase supplies and services. The vast majority said no, WWE did not have control. Wrestlers who purchase gear can purchase it wherever they'd like, or have their mothers make it if they desire.
81 
82e. What work must be performed by a specified individual. Consensus was that this was WWE's call completely.
83 
84f. What order or sequence to follow when performing the work. The majority voted yes, WWE controlled this, although several noted that the wrestlers did have some discretion, with one wrestler saying the majority went to the worker. This would be best classified as no consensus because much of it also depends on the wrestler. WWE is going to control the in-ring and promo work of a recent diva call-up significantly more than they would for the Undertaker or Chris Jericho.
85 
86g. Degree of Instruction. "Degree of Instruction means that the more detailed the instructions, the more control the business exercises over the worker. More detailed instructions indicate that the worker is an employee. Less detailed instructions reflects less control, indicating that the worker is more likely an independent contractor." Everyone who voted on this category (one lawyer deferred) voted yes, WWE provided very detailed instructions. Again, it was noted that if you are one of the chosen few in WWE you have discretion about whether to read a scripted promo or ad lib, but for the vast majority of wrestlers WWE controlled 100 percent of how things were done and all steps leading to the final product.
87 
88The vast majority of categories here suggest a degree of control more than sufficient to classify the wrestlers as employees.
89 
906. Evaluation System. "If an evaluation system measures the details of how the work is performed, then these factors would point to an employee. If the evaluation system measures just the end result, then this can point to either an independent contractor or an employee." Nebulous. WWE does not have a specific evaluation system similar to what you'd see in a corporate environment. Obviously, wrestlers are evaluated by Vince McMahon, and the wrestlers could not agree on whether that constituted the evaluation system the IRS is referencing. No consensus.
91 
927. Training. "If the business provides the worker with training on how to do the job, this indicates that the business wants the job done in a particular way. This is strong evidence that the worker is an employee. Periodic or on-going training about procedures and methods is even stronger evidence of an employer-employee relationship. However, independent contractors ordinarily use their own methods." Also nebulous. WWE has a rather specific style of work which they prefer, and thus the majority of new hires are sent to developmental. Chris Benoit was widely considered one of the best workers in the world when he went to WWE in 2000, but HHH said after their first match together that Benoit "could be carried," meaning he needed to "learn to work." Again, this all depends on the wrestler. If you can work "WWE style," you do not need to undergo training. If you are breaking into the business or work a different style, you will be sent for training. One wrestler noted that new call-ups and low-card wrestlers are required to attend a weekly "promo class" with Vince McMahon where he trains them on how to deliver promos (and one person noted that the instruction seems to change week-to-week as Vince can never make up his mind about what he wants). In the end, while some are trained and some are not, the bottom line is that WWE very much "wants the job done in a particular way," which suggests employee.
93 
948. Financial Control. "Financial control refers to facts that show whether or not the business has the right to control the economic aspects of the worker’s job." This fell into several categories:
95 
96a. Significant investment. (a-d all italics) "An independent contractor often has a significant investment in the equipment he or she uses in working for someone else. However, in many occupations, such as construction, workers spend thousands of dollars on the tools and equipment they use and are still considered to be employees. There are no precise dollar limits that must be met in order to have a significant investment. Furthermore, a significant investment is not necessary for independent contractor status as some types of work simply do not require large expenditures." No consensus on this one. The wrestlers couldn't even agree. The sticking point was the cost of gear. WWE wrestlers pay for their own. Whether the investment is significant depends entirely on how much gear you buy. Rey Mysterio, who has a million masks and outfits, has invested far more than a guy like Zach Ryder who may have a couple of pairs of tights with legs cut out of them.
97 
98b. Unreimbursed expenses. "Independent contractors are more likely to have unreimbursed expenses than are employees. Fixed ongoing costs that are incurred regardless of whether work is currently being performed are especially important. However, employees may also incur unreimbursed expenses in connection with the services that they perform for their business." Everyone voted yes. Wrestlers pay for their own transportation to and from shows if the shows are located more than 300 miles from their home airport (yes, if a show is 299 miles from your home you must drive). If WWE flies a wrestler in, the wrestler must pay for his rental car, hotel, gas, tolls, parking, etc., and none of this is reimbursed. One person noted that expenses for can be in the neighborhood of $800 to $900 a week, or nearly $48,000 per year. This strongly points to independent contractor.
99 
100c. Opportunity for profit or loss. "The opportunity to make a profit or loss is another important factor. If a worker has a significant investment in the tools and equipment used and if the worker has unreimbursed expenses, the worker has a greater opportunity to lose money (i.e., their expenses will exceed their income from the work). Having the possibility of incurring a loss indicates that the worker is an independent contractor." Everyone agreed that it is possible (though not necessarily likely) that WWE wrestlers can lose money on the road. For what it's worth, TNA wrestlers lose money on the road far more frequently than WWE wrestlers since they're paid significantly less. This strongly points towards independent contractor.
101 
102d. Services available to the market. "An independent contractor is generally free to seek out business opportunities. Independent contractors often advertise, maintain a visible business location, and are available to work in the relevant market." Consensus very strongly no. WWE wrestlers not only can't work elsewhere, but they're often restricted from doing non-wrestling outside projects including non-WWE films, books, musical offerings, etc. This is an important category and strongly suggests employee.
103 
1049. Method of payment. "An employee is generally guaranteed a regular wage amount for an hourly, weekly, or other period of time. This usually indicates that a worker is an employee, even when the wage or salary is supplemented by a commission. An independent contractor is usually paid by a flat fee for the job. However, it is common in some professions, such as law, to pay independent contractors hourly." This was hilarious. One lawyer said flat fee, one lawyer said regular wage with or without commissions and the third lawyer said a little of both. For the wrestlers, one said flat fee and two said regular wage with or without commissions. It kind of is a mix of both. WWE wrestlers are signed to deals with a downside guarantee. If your downside is $52,000, you are guaranteed $1,000 per week. That is closer to a regular wage. However, they are paid, say, $500 for each house show they work. That's a flat fee for each show. Some of the respondents, in picking option A or B, did so by also saying, "I guess." In other words, no consensus.
105 
106So what can be determined? Well, when you break everything down category by category it's pretty clear why WWE has gotten away with classifying its wrestlers as independent contractors for so many years despite many people feeling that it's an open-and-shut case. The answer is that so many of the categories, a full 39 percent, are largely inconclusive. Yes, more categories point towards employee than independent contractor, but we're looking at a breakdown of 39 percent employee, 22 percent independent contractor, and 39 percent inconclusive. It is up to the government to look at the inconclusive categories and decide which side of the fence they fall on. They might decide that all of them point towards contractor, which would give us a 61 percent-39 percent split towards contractor. They could also all point towards employee, which would give us a 78 percent-22 percent split towards employee. Or, most likely, there would be a little of both, leaving us with another inconclusive percentage split. The IRS would also have to weigh each category. While we did a basic yes-no split, some categories would be weighed more heavily than others. Again, according to the IRS, "There is no 'magic' or set number of factors that 'makes' the worker an employee or an independent contractor, and no one factor stands alone in making this determination. Also, factors which are relevant in one situation may not be relevant in another. The keys are to look at the entire relationship, consider the degree or extent of the right to direct and control, and finally, to document each of the factors used in coming up with the determination."
107 
108Personally, I feel WWE stars should be classified as employees because I feel the issue mostly comes down to the amount of control WWE exerts over its wrestlers, which to me is substantial. What is interesting is that they exert significantly more control now than they did in the '90s, and SIGNIFICANTLY more than in the '60s, '70s and '80s. In fact, each year WWE seems to institute further restrictions, which to me pushes the wrestlers more and more towards employee status. As noted, dress codes, mandatory haircuts, scripted promos, restrictions on not only outside wrestling ventures but outside entertainment ventures, control over media interviews (WWE stars are not allowed to talk to us on the record, including on the nationally-syndicated Wrestling Observer Live, and must approve all other interviews), control over social networking behaviors, etc., all points towards a degree of control which brings into serious question any classification other than employee. Ironically, one of the wrestlers noted that not only has this increased degree of control over the last decade brought into question the current classification, but it has also resulted in a product that, year-by-year, has seen a serious decline in interest.
109 
110I would like to conclude with a note on something that did surprise me in this investigation. I went into this thinking that most wrestlers would prefer to be classified as employees due to the benefits they'd receive. However, without prompting, one of the wrestlers polled told me that he preferred to be classified as an independent contractor. He said as an employee he'd likely be stuck on a company regimen of travel between shows similar to the international tours where the wrestler are on a tighter schedule so as not to miss flights and tour buses. He noted that domestically they had freedom to travel between shows at their leisure, stay where they wanted, and do whatever they wanted during the day prior to call time. He noted that while it's expensive to pay for your own insurance it is not impossible to get and is also a tax write-off.
111 
112Upon hearing this I posed the same question to the other two wrestlers. One wrestler said if he was paid a million dollars a year he wouldn't care how he was classified. He said over a career the potential pension would probably be worth employee status provided the overall pay was similar. He said he disagreed with the travel argument because he knew employees who traveled for business meetings and were able to book their own travel, stay where they wanted, and submit their receipts for reimbursement. He noted, and this is an important point, that the WWE road agents are employees and they travel the same way the wrestlers do.
113 
114The third wrestler noted something similar about travel. He said in terms of taxes as an independent contractor versus employee, it was really just a matter of preference. He noted that the company can either take deductions and pay the IRS for you if you're an employee, or they can take no deductions if you're a contractor and you pay the IRS yourself. In the Levy, et al., case, the judge noted that it was a largely a wash, and that wrestlers weren't losing a dime regardless of how they were classified.
115 
116 
117The Essential Stories
118Hardy Turns at Bound for Glory PPV (bold)
119 
120Jeff Hardy turned heel in the main event of the Bound for Glory PPV on 10/10/10, winning the vacant TNA Title over Mr. Anderson and Kurt Angle in a three-way. Angle, per the pre-match stips, now supposedly must retire. The new top heel faction, Abyss' much-hyped "THEY," consist of Abyss, Hardy, Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan and Jeff Jarrett. Van Dam beat Abyss after hitting him with Janice and a frog splash on the undercard, and Fortune beat EV2.0 in a Lethal Lockdown mess. Fans live in Daytona were said to be furious at the main event angle and feedback we received was largely negative as well. The writers chose to turn Hardy because he was the top babyface and most beloved wrestler on the roster, and thus they figured it would be the biggest shock.
121 
122Diaz beats Noons in Rematch (bold)
123 
124Nate Diaz beat KJ Noons via five-round decision to retain his welterweight title in the main event of the October 9th Strikeforce show from San Jose. The bout was a rematch of their November 10, 2007, bout in Corpus Christi, Texas, which Noons won via blood stoppage between the first and second rounds. The fight was a somewhat exciting demonstration of terrible boxing, with nearly 1,000 wild blows thrown over five rounds, only a percentage of which were blocked. Both Diaz and Noons (the latter of which suffered both a broken jaw and hand) asked for a rematch, though Strikeforce head Scott Coker said he wasn't looking in that direction. Diaz may face Jason Miller in a grudge match next. The two have bad blood and had a near pull-apart backstage in San Jose.
125 
126Foley vs. Flair Draws 1.44 Quarter (bold)
127 
128Ric Flair and Mick Foley drew one of the highest TNA quarters of the year, a 1.44, for their Last Man Standing Match on the October 7th Impact. The big spot was Foley being thrown off the stage through a table on the floor. He overshot the table and landed hard on his hip. He told us Friday that he was hurting bad enough afterwards that he canceled his planned book signing that day, but didn't think he'd done any permanent damage. Foley won the bloodbath after Flair did a face-first bump into tacks. The finish was confusing as Flair was on his feet before taking the bump, which should have resulted in the ref re-starting his count, and fans were confused since Jeremy Borash had billed it as Falls Count Anywhere. It was still among the better Impact TV matches of the year.
129 
130UFC Brock vs. Cain Countdown Series Debuts (bold)
131 
132The first episode of UFC Primetime: Lesnar vs. Velasquez, aired following Ultimate Fighter on October 6th. Lesnar, a very private person, volunteered to do the series, feeling that Velasquez was low-key enough that he needed to personally play heel and sell the fight. Both were pushed as the hardworking common man, Brock from a farm in South Dakota and Cain the son of a Mexican immigrant. The special made Cain come across as a viable contender and Brock as a monstrous freak of nature willing to kill anything in his path. Further episodes air on October 13th at 10 p.m. and October 20th at 9:30 p.m. Barring an unforeseen disaster the PPV should have no problem breaking 1 million buys. If it does so, Lesnar himself will likely draw more PPV buys alone in the US in 2010 (two million plus) than WWE will with all of its domestic buyrates put together.
133 
134Raw Sees Boost to 3.3 Rating (bold)
135 
136Coming off the Hell in a Cell angle where John Cena was forced to join Nexus, Raw was up 6 percent in persons 18-to-49 and 15 percent in males 18-to-49 to a 3.325 rating on October 4th, breaking a two-week streak of sub-3.0 numbers. The feeling was that a third straight low rating would cause Vince McMahon to flip out. WWE was very happy with the number. First hour did a 3.26 rating and 4.670 million viewers, and hour two did a 3.39 and 4.883 million viewers. Smackdown's Syfy debut did a 1.74 rating and 2.5 million viewers. The show had done a 2.13 rating and 3.1 million viewers on MyNetwork TV the week prior, so down considerably with the network change. It was up 153 percent and 224 percent in the Syfy persons 18-to-49 and males 18-to-49 ratings over the prior four weeks in that time slot. Week two was up to a 1.81 and 2.613 million viewers. Syfy officials are hoping the show settles in around a 2.0.
137 
138Mexico Tour Disappoints (bold)
139 
140WWE's latest tour of Mexico was a box office disappointment. Friday in Mexico City at Palacio de los Deportes drew just 9,000 fans, less than a half house, for a show featuring Rey Mysterio beating Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio's father, Dos Caras, played heel ref, but Rey ran father and son together, hit a double 619, and then pinned Del Rio with ring announcer Tony Chimmell counting the pin. Undertaker also beat Kane via DQ in the main event when Del Rio interfered. Del Rio interfered in Rey's World title match with Kane in Monterrey Thursday before 15,000, costing him the bout. The building was 95 percent full but it was the lowest WWE attendance in that town in six years. Guadalajara did 10,000, about 70 percent full. The belief is that WWE is running the country too frequently and has beaten Rey Mysterio there too many times.
141 
142Bisping vs. Akiyama Preview (bold)
143 
144Just one week before Brock Lesnar and Cain Velasquez square off at UFC 121 in Anaheim, Michael Bisping and Yoshihiro Akiyama headline UFC 120 from the O2 Arena in London, England on October 16th. The show will air free on tape delay on Spike TV in the US. Full televised card has Bisping vs. Akiyama; Dan Hardy vs. Carlos Condit; John Hathaway vs. Mike Pyle; Cheick Kongo vs. Travis Browne; and James Wilks vs. Claude Patrick. Akiyama is coming off arguably the best fight of the year versus Chris Leben at UFC 116 on July 3rd, a fight he lost via submission to an arm triangle in the final 20 seconds.
145 
146Jamie Eliminated From NXT (bold)
147 
148Former ring announcer Jamie Keyes was the first girl eliminated from season three of NXT on October 5th. Keyes had an incredible breast-to-waist ratio but didn't show much in the ring or behind the mic. She did appear to have incredible passion for wrestling, and most likely there will be a role for her in the future. The favorites remain Kaitlyn, who WWE was super high on following her match with Vickie Guerrero, and Naomi, by far the best athlete of the current group and one of the best athletes in show history. WWE already has tentative plans for both post-season.
149 
150Batista Looking to Train, Act (bold)
151 
152Dave Batista appeared at the Strikeforce event in San Jose and told Dave Meltzer that he was not averse to the idea of returning to wrestling someday, but had no plans to do so currently and was focusing on MMA training and film roles. Batista noted that his body felt better now when training jiu jitsu and kickboxing than it did taking bumps four days a week with WWE. He said he couldn't train full-time until January when his current movie commitments ended, but after that he wanted a three-fight deal, an easy fight, a fight with Bobby Lashley, and a big-money PPV fight. Scott Coker has expressed interest in putting together Batista vs. Lashley, but the feeling from most insiders is that Batista will likely never actually do a pro fight.
153 
154 
155Reviews (underline)
156 
157WWE NXT (10/5/10)
158Yes, I am actually watching this show online. I've come this far, I'm sticking it out. All the girls were called out. The quality started out awful but then picked up a lot. It didn't look like full HD but it was much better than you'd get in standard definition on TV. This week's first challenge was bullriding. And you wonder why there weren't any networks willing to pick this show up after Syfy canceled them. The Bellas, wearing the tightest pants I've seen since junior high, demonstrated how to ride the bull. I strongly approved of this. Naomi lasted 12.5 seconds. Aksana went next. Crowd was quiet but not dead silent. She went 17.9 seconds. Pretty impressive. AJ and Kaitlyn did a weird ass-slapping routine before AJ's turn. She put on a cowboy hat that was way too small. For her, mind you. She made 9.6 seconds. Jamie made 10.9 seconds. This was quickly dying a death. Maxine went next. They noted she hadn't won a competition yet. Maxine got an 8.9. Kaitlyn went last. A 10-second ride. Yeah, I said that. Don't regret it. Aksana won. She "won" a match with Maxine. This I gotta see. Match was pretty horrible. They fucked up a snap mare. A SNAP MARE. Maxine nearly broke her neck it appeared. Match was heavily choreographed. Aksana made a comeback but got cut off. Maxine covered her and then got pinned. That's not a typo. Maxine covered Aksana and Maxine ended up pinned. This was something else. Goldust and Aksana had a big celebration afterwards. I presume as some point we'll get a Goldust & Aksana vs. Maryse & Ted DiBiase match.
159 
160Time for another competition – The Rookie Diva Talent Show. People actually cheered. This was the nicest crowd ever. Cole was burying segments but not nearly as bad as most weeks. Aksana's talent was push-ups. She did a series of very lewd fitness competition-style straddle push-ups. This was pretty fucking impressive and it woke Cole the hell up. Naomi was up next. She said her talent was rapping. She then proceeded to do a freestyle rap. This was also pretty fucking impressive. I'll say this, the matches have been awful, but in terms of athletic ability and personality the NXT season 3 girls have BLOWN AWAY the guys from seasons 1 and 2. AJ said her talent was flexibility. She did a very lewd stretching routine. "Guarantee you she's not winning!" said Cole. She had buried him, originally saying her talent would be giving Cole a personality. It was by far the weakest of all. Jamie said her talent was turning men on. She proceeded to make out with Matt Stryker. He's lucky this show is on the Internet now. Or maybe not. Kaitlyn went next. Her talent was that she was an artist. She started drawing something as the lights dimmed. They showed Vickie looking on with great disdain. It was a stick figure saying "EXCUSE ME!" The fans popped surprisingly big for this. Kaitlyn said she thought she did a great job putting Vickie on canvas, and later tonight she was going to put her on another canvas. Maxine went next. She apologized to Hornswoggle for what happened last week. They showed clips of her tossing him out of the wheelbarrow. "There's a reason we're on dot-com this week," Cole noted. She said she'd baked a pie for Hornswoggle and asked him to come out. He came out, she smeared some pie on him, then he put the pie in her face. Fans had many LOLs. Time to vote. People actually booed Naomi. I was flabbergasted. Kaitlyn won. That meant both Kaitlyn and AJ had won three competitions so Cole asked the fans which girl should earn immunity. They chose Kaitlyn.
161 
162Vickie vs. Kaitlyn. Dolph came out with Vickie. She was wearing a black singlet with blue flames and "EXCUSE ME!" written across the chest. Given her age and the fact that she's not a wrestler she's gotten herself into really good shape of late. She did some breathing drills before the match. Kaitlyn gave her a drop toehold and Vickie sold it like she'd gotten a fat lip. They had a slapping contest. You should have SEEN Vickie celebrate her slap, as she reared back, grabbed her stomach and let out the best cackle of all time. Then Kaitlyn slapped her and she nearly wept. She yanked Kaitlyn out of the ring and tossed her around ringside. Vickie's offense was atrocious but as a performer she was fantastic, better than most of the current crew. Vickie tried a slam but couldn't get her up, so Kaitlyn grabbed her and slammed her. "MY BACK!" Vickie screamed. Then she screamed at Dolph, "AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME?" Kaitlyn immediately rolled her up for the pin. This got over far bigger than I would have figured. Kaitlyn hugged Dolph afterwards, which of course set Vickie off. She pitched a fit and stormed off. Everyone involved in this played their role perfectly.
163 
164Elimination time. Jamie got axed. This got almost no reaction. Stryker gave her the mic. She said WWE had the best fans, the most supportive people. She thanked the Bellas and all the pros, and all the rookies as well. She nearly cried, as did the Bellas. That was actually really sad. So there you go. See you next week.
165 
166 
167Impact Live (10/7/10)
168Abyss was dragging Dixie to ringside. She was weeping. Where is security? Where are the cops? How can he be employed after this? This I will have to see. I mean, this was no normal wrestling angle. This was a legit hostage situation. He dragged her towards the ring. The announcers were rather calmly explaining that Dixie appeared to have been abducted. Fans were also calmly sitting in their seats. Abyss was ranting about 10/10/10 and control and such, and said on Sunday Dixie was going to be gone. He said THEY wanted to ask her one last question before Sunday. "Do you prefer Janice or Bob?" Eric finally came out with GUNNER AND MURPHY. This was the best he could come up with. He told security to back off so he could try to talk some sense into the monster. Where are the fucking police? Not sure but there were the ROAD AGENTS. Bischoff talked Abyss into letter her go, then told them to cut. He shouldn have told them to cut about ten minutes earlier. Sting came out. They went to commercial and when they came back Pope and Nash were there as well. Pope said at 10/10/10 the walls were going to come crashing down on Eric. Eric told him he respected the hell out of him and had for a long time, but Pope had no idea what he was talking about. He said this was much bigger than Pope. "You're just going in the wrong direction, my friend, the wrong direction!" Pope demanded to know what this was about. Eric said it was about Sting and Hogan. Sting said Eric was right, because what happened ten years ago was going to come crashing down at Bound for Glory. He said Hogan needed to get his ass back into the ring. People chanted "HOGAN!" Sting said when Hogan's true character was revealed, would he be ready to walk away? "Answer me now." Bischoff said he had nothing to say to him. They better have a hell of an angle to pay off weeks of nobody having any idea what's going on. Out came Joe and Jeff Jarrett. Bischoff told him he could handle it. He said if they wanted the answers he'd give them the answers. Bischoff said if they wanted the truth about Hulk Hogan, the truth was that Hogan was in intensive care right now. Eric showed clips of Hogan in the hospital. He said this was Hogan's eighth surgery since February. He asked them if they were man enough among the three of them to handle Hogan in this state. Boy did they make Hogan look like a 200-year-old man. He was told he couldn't do anything for at least six weeks. Eric said if they wanted to kick his ass they could have at it. But at Bound for Glory, he said, since he didn't want to disappoint them, the match was still on -- Nash & Sting & Pope vs. Joe & Jarrett in a handicap match. I still have no idea what's going on, but everyone played their roles here, whatever they were, and at least the babyfaces are at the disadvantage for once.
169 
170They had a Kurt vs. Jeff vs. Anderson video package for Sunday.
171 
172Video package with Team 3-D. They're still around. They said they would make the biggest announcement of their career. "An announcement that will change tag team wrestling forever." You're paying for an announcement, kids, not a match or anything, an announcement you can get for free by going online five minutes after they make it. That's why nobody buys this shit.
173 
174Angelina Love & Velvet Sky vs. Tara & Madison Rayne with the winning girls getting the Beautiful People name and music. As a match, this was pretty godawful. Miss Tessmacher was on the ramp taking notes. They wrestled about three minutes and then Angelina and Velvet won. "Just like that," Tenay said. That was almost completely pointless. Tessmacher took the mic afterwards and said in three days the four of them would be competing at Bound for Glory for the Knockouts title in a four-way. She said to make sure these skanks played by her rules, she had a special guest referee -- Mickie James. I should note that this was not Mickie's debut. They actually did a segment 20 minutes earlier where Mickie showed up in a car, someone asked her why she was here, and she said we'll see. Yes. Hell of a debut. Mickie came out and people chanted her name. She said it would be her honor to crown the new champion, but she'd have her eye on one thing and one thing only. She said there was one thing she did, and that was make history, and she was going to make history by winning the belt and becoming the first woman to hold every conceivable women's title that meant anything in this business. That would be zero titles, by the way.
175 
176Foley did a taped promo on Flair holding his book up the entire time. He said Flair had promised that if Mick beat him he'd kiss his ass, and he expected him to hold up his end of the bargain.
177 
178Dixie told Eric he needed to fire Abyss and fire him now. Why isn't she firing him? I thought it was already established that she's in charge and can do whatever she wants. Segment was nonsensical and the acting was atrocious. She begged him to do it tonight in the ring in front of everyone, and to humiliate him like he humiliated her. Eric said he'd get it done.
179 
180Foley vs. Flair in a falls count anywhere match. Foley found his barbed wire bat underneath the steps. He hit Flair with it and Flair gigged. Foley had been bleeding from the 10-second mark. Flair did the most gruesome blade job, pulling the blade from ear to ear. They fought on the ramp and up by the announcers. Flair threw Foley off the stage through a table, but most of him missed the table. I mean, he flew a LONG WAY and landed HARD on the cement. My God this was stupid. Fans chanted "HOLY SHIT!" They bleeped every one. They ended up back in the ring and Flair beat the hell out of his book. Dueling chants. Flair got a bag of thumbtacks from under the ring and spread them all over the ring. Flair, at 62 fucking years old, took the high backdrop into the tacks. Flair had tacks sticking out from all over. Foley grabbed a barbed wire board from underneath the ring. Keep in mind, this was not the main event on the show. Flair got the standing ten count but was up at five. Foley brought a table into the ring but ended up on it. Flair hit him repeatedly with a barbed wire board, then went up top and actually put Foley through the table with a splash. They were both lying there in a puddle of blood covered in thumbtacks. Both guys were down. Hebner was counting. So they were having this quite frankly incredible match and then the finish was utter shit. After the splash they both started to stand. Flair got to his feet but then took a Flair flop face first into the tacks and thus Foley was declared the winner. So yes, Flair actually was at his feet but for whatever reason that didn't stop the count. Don't ask me. I don't know. I should have known TNA would find a way to fuck something like this up. Foley then took the mic and said Flair promised, so he needed to get into the ring right now and kiss Mick's ass. Anyway, no ass-kissing was to be had courtesy Fortune running in.
181 
182Bischoff came out amidst all of the destruction. He said there was a lot of time left in the show so they needed to get this done. He called out Abyss. Yup, with no security in the ring. RVD came out instead. He said listen, there's no way I'm going to be screwed out of my match with Abyss Sunday. He said if they fired Abyss tonight and he didn't get the match he'd leave. He told Eric to go to Dixie and tell her that either Abyss wrestled through Bound for Glory or she was going to lose the Whole F'N Show. Hey, at least this made sense.
183 
184Orlando Jordan was teaching Eric Young how to throw balls backstage. They decided they needed to be a team. Eric said he couldn't wait until they were ranked by PWI. Really said this. Orlando gave him a hug and got a little too close for comfort.
185 
186Eric & Orlando vs. Ink Inc. They noted that Eric had taken a bump on his head and it had scrambled his brains so he was now goofy. Swear to fuck that's the angle. In 2010. Match was full of gay hijinx and goofy comedy. All I know is Orlando won with a low blow. Eric grabbed the mic afterwards and said since he was the leader of this tag team he was hereby forfeiting this match. He said he'd make some calls and pull some strings and get the four of them in a six-man tag Sunday. I have literally no idea what was going on or why this was on the show, except that it's TNA and they don't know what they're doing.
187 
188Jay Lethal showed us the house he grew up in. This was fun, but this is BEFORE THE GLORY, the final hype for Sunday, and I have no idea what this had to do with anything.
189 
190Dixie told RVD this was fine, but win, lose or draw Abyss was finished after the PPV. Bischoff showed up with termination papers. He said they would be effective at midnight Sunday. She hurriedly signed. Sounds like bad news to me. Out came SHORE. "Oh, I get it," Tenay said. It was Cookie, a large-breasted girl, and Robbie E., who unfortunately for him came off as an indy version of Zack Ryder. It didn't help that their music totally blew, a club song probably written by a country group in Nashville. They were effectively annoying. Fans hated them and chanted "YOU SUCK!" He did a promo saying there were nothing but ugly girls at the Impact Zone. People were booing and it didn't sound like the good kind of booing. Then they started chanting something that I think was "BORING!" Why this was on the go-home show I have no idea.
191 
192Angle, Nash, RVD, Pope, Anderson, Jarrett, Flair, Foley, Joe and Dixie. Nash had the excitement level of a corpse. Anderson was slightly more animated, but only slightly. He said TNA had reignited his passion for the business. Yeah, I can tell. Dixie claimed this would be the biggest PPV event in their history. HOWLED.
193 
194Gauntlet battle royal with the winner getting $100,000. Not sure what this has to do with Bound for Glory either. This was a Royal Rumble with 45 second intervals. Angle and Anderson started. What a shock. They had just barely started wrestling when 45 seconds was up and out came Jeff Hardy. Announcers said TNA did this on purpose. It took Jeff 30 seconds to get to the ring so 15 seconds after he got there out came AJ Styles. Then they went to commercial. When they came back Doug Williams, Sabu, Max Buck, Chris Sabin and Tommy Dreamer were in the ring. Why did they even bother with the intervals? Jarrett was in next, then Pope, then Bobby Roode. Not sure where Lethal came from but he was there. Then Sting. Then another commercial. I gave up at this point. A bunch of dudes entered. I should note that ABYSS was in this battle royal. ABYSS. He's gonna be fired Sunday, supposedly, but they let him compete here tonight for $100,000. Fucking hilarity. He started eliminating everyone. Show ended but they said to stay tuned for the end of it on Reaction. Nash was in jeans and a t-shirt. Taking this very seriously. Match went on and on and on. It was every battle royal you ever saw. There were some interesting spots such as Robert Roode trying to eliminate his partner, failing, and then explaining, hey, Beer MONEY. They hugged but then were both eliminated by Abyss. Came down to Angle, Hardy, Anderson and Abyss. Jeff hit Angle with the twist of fate and senton. You should have SEEN Kurt protect himself. Abyss immediately tossed Jeff. Suddenly they introduced Rob Van Dam. This was about four minutes after everyone was already in. They said he'd been offered an open invite by Dixie and he was taking her up on it. Doesn't seem fair. He eliminated Abyss with a high cross. He actually eliminated himself and Abyss had to leap backwards over the top rope. So it came down to Angle and Anderson. Kurt finally tossed Anderson to win. Then my DVR, even set for an extra 10 minutes, cut out. I hope they had a hell of an angle there that I missed.
195 
196 
197Smackdown (10/8/10)
198Show opened with Teddy Long introducing his newest acquisition, Edge. All Teddy said was that he had been traded. No explanation of who he was traded for, why this was allowed, anything. Out came Jack Swagger with his goofy eagle. He was very upset that Edge had beaten up his buddy. "He's an endangered species for God's sake!" It was very tough, he said, for the eagle to get medical insurance. Well, he's not the only one in WWE with that problem. He said I know you probably think this is stupid. Edge told him to get in the ring right now and he'd make him look stupid, and that he had no problem flipping the bird either. "FLIP THE BIRD!" the people chanted. Swagger took him down early, rode him a bit, then as Edge was facedown Swagger did push-ups on his back. This great wrestling was followed by the eagle trying to get involved and Edge knocking him off the apron. Cole said this should be a federal fine. That was hilarious. One thing WWE doesn't understand is that this stuff is funny, but nobody pays for funny. Well, people do pay for funny but they don't pay $54.95 for it. My wife thinks the eagle is fucking hilarious. She wouldn't pay $1 for a WWE PPV. Point is, she's not the only one. I could also make a point about them giving this match away for free with no build with a clean finish, but why bother at this point? Match was fucking great for a TV match. They traded tons of nearfalls at the finish and then Edge hit the spear for the clean pin. Place went nuts. This would have been awesome at Bragging Rights. And you can't even argue that it was important to give it away for free to help boost Smackdown's numbers two weeks into its move to Syfy, because they didn't promote this at all on Raw.
199 
200Cody told us to brush our teeth.
201 
202Kelly vs. Layla. Kelly was dressed as Wonder Woman basically. Layla had Michelle in her corner, of course, and Kelly came out with Natalya. It was during this match, notably, that I realized we now had a three-man crew with Todd Grisham, Michael Cole and the Teacher. Vince HATED Grisham's work on the debut show and ripped him a new asshole, hence what may be a permanent change. The screaming to spot ratio in this match was headache-inducing. Kelly made a comeback, screaming all the while, and Layla screamed repeatedly while selling. Kelly tried a round-off and got booted in the ass. Layla then hit her move for the pin.
203 
204Show came out and did a promo talking about his new movie Knucklehead, which comes out October 22nd. October 24th, he said, was Bragging Rights, and he'd just found out he'd been named Team Captain of Smackdown. BIG SHOW. His first decision as Team Captain was to unify the Smackdown roster. His unification plan involved a mascot -- Hornswoggle. So they accept that this show is going to die a death. Show danced as the midget ran out in a blue Viking costume. Show started talking about assembling a team when Dudebusters came out. The Dudebusters. This is a real segment. Everyone booed. They said they were his guys for Team Smackdown. "Sorry," Show said, "I don't know who you guys are." They said they were the Dudebusters. Show didn't care. They threatened to be traded to Raw. Yes, threatened, in part by taking off their Smackdown shirts to reveal Raw shirts. Show double chokeslammed both of them. A wretched segment given that it was supposed to be promoting the main event at the PPV.
205 
206Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Kaval & Kofi Kingston. The Teacher claimed Kaval and Kofi became a team after running into each other at the video game store. Cole buried them for being video game geeks. Bragging Rights exists to sell a video game and in the build to that PPV they're doing an angle where the lead announcer is burying people who play video games. Brilliant. Kaval got the hot tag and ran wild. People always get into Kaval but it's not like that does him any good. Broke down into a four-way. Kofi got sent outside. He tried to make it look as dramatic as possible. Cody then dropped Kaval on the ropes and pinned him with the crossroads. Match was fine while it lasted.
207 
208Paul Bearer was in the ring. He did a promo introducing Kane. There is no man in professional wrestling with facials like Paul Bearer. He's outstanding. Kane came out and cut a promo while the goofy music played in the background. I do not have words to describe how much I hate that music. It's straight out of a 1950s horror film, and it was more over-the-top than ever here. And by the way, now that Paul has turned on Undertaker, shouldn't Undertaker's powers be all gone again? Amazingly, people were chanting "UNDERTAKER!" during this. He said he destroyed the legend of the Undertaker and now the fans had nothing but their own miserable, empty lives. Paul's facials during this promo almost saved this. Kane concluded by saying they were just warming up.
209 
210Dolph vs. MVP for the IC Title. Vickie was at ringside looking very upset. Not much heat here. Dolph took the ref at one point and was beckoning to Vickie to choke MVP on the ropes, but she gave him the cold shoulder. He went outside and told her they were a team. She responded by walking out. MVP made a big comeback. Crowd wasn't much into it. So then Kaitlyn came out. Even she didn't get much of a reaction. MVP hit a scary-looking suplex and went for the ballin elbow. Kaitlyn grabbed his foot. MVP, shocked, ate a zig zag for the pin. She got in the ring and they had a hug-fest. Vickie came back out on the ramp and was outraged. Dolph ended up pushing Kaitlyn away, screaming that she was nothing and that he loved Vickie. I'd like a logical explanation for this because this strains credulity.
211 
212The Great Alberto Del Rio did a promo backstage. He said Rey's bark was bigger than his bite. He said Rey was a god in Mexico, but he wasn't Alberto del Rio, he wasn't the essence of excellence. He then did the wackiest smile yet and they did the deal where they left the camera on him for an uncomfortable length of time. Great man.
213 
214Rey vs. Alberto. I'd have paid for this match. Don't have to worry about that now. Alberto looked green early. Rey was trying to get him in position for a high spot and was having a hell of a time because Alberto wasn't moving with him. Later, on the outside, he kicked him right in the face, then hit a HUGE high cross off the post. Well, he must trust the guy if he's willing to do that with his bad knees. Alberto's selling has improved. Rey destroyed him for a long time early, killing him with kicks, including a sliding dropkick into the corner that looked brutal. Rey finally went up top and Alberto did a SWEET run-up-the-ropes enzuigiri. Match had great heat. Rey hit a sunset flip powerbomb off the top for a great nearfall. Alberto tried his run-up-the-ropes enzuigiri again and missed. Rey gave him a diving huracanrana and Alberto took this wild bump into 619 position. Rey was going for his move when Alberto's ring announcer Ricardo Rodriquez distracted him. Rey ended up doing a spinning headscissors sending Alberto into Rodriguez, then followed it up with a 619 and the springboard splash for the pin. Great fucking main event. A fascinating show as they gave away two awesome matches for free and then tried to build up a PPV with shitty comedy.
215 
216 
217Strikeforce Noons vs. Diaz (10/9/10)
218Mauro Ranallo opened up the show. He's trying a new hair-do, slicking it back like a 1930s gangster. Frank Shamrock and Pat Miletich joined him on commentary.
219 
220Andre Galvao vs. Tyrone Woodley. Both guys were catching each other early and Galvao was eating more of them. He tried a shot but got stuffed. He came up wobbly, tried again, got stuffed again, and as Woodley was throwing shots the ref stopped it. Galvao was not happy with this stoppage. Some would question it, but to me he was so wobbly that you have to play it safe. They set off some fiery pyro in the background after the announcement. Woodley said Stikeforce was coming to St. Louis in December and he wanted a title shot in his hometown versus the winner of the Nick Diaz vs. KJ Noons.
221 
222Heidi Androl (real last name) interviewed KJ. He said he'd boxed professionally in the last few years and that made him a better all-around mixed martial artist. He noted he'd never fought at this weight class. Here in this title fight.
223 
224They showed a bunch of fighters in the crowd. Several of them looked like they had absolutely no idea they were on screen, which made for some uncomfortable moments.
225 
226Marloes Coenen vs. Sarah Kaufman for the 135-pound title. Coenen's last fight was a loss against Cris Cyborg, and somehow that led to her getting this title shot. Stand-up wasn't overly impressive. They clinched against the fence a few times. I should note that this was scheduled for five five-minute rounds, so no more of this three-minute stuff. 10-9 Coenen. A pure legit clinchfest in the second and people were booing. Mauro noted that Kaufman had begged for a fight on the main card. They'd pulled her due to boring fights and she powerbombed her way back at the Strikeforce Challengers show in Everett. She was about to clinch her way back to Challengers here. You could hear people screaming "BORING!" We got our third separation in this round alone. YELLOW CARD TIME. It went to the ground with 15 seconds left. Coenen nearly got an armbar but the time limit expired, plus she ate several punches. Even round. 10-10. Actually, 9-9 due to boredom. It ended up back on the ground early and Coenen's legs were going nuts. Kaufman was pounding on her from the guard, delivering shot after shot, and got sloppy. Marloes armbarred her for the submission. Kaufman was really pissed off afterwards, claiming she was tapping long before Coenen let go. Coenen was nearly crying in the ring, thinking she'd hurt her. They showed a replay and the ref actually got in there really fast so I can't blame him. It was just an unfortunate situation. Kaufman appeared fine afterwards. New champion. Coenen blamed the ref, for what it's worth, and was very remorseful. Mauro asked about Meisha Tate. "Let's get it on!" Coenen said.
227 
228Androl interviewed Diaz. He did the most boring promo in Diaz Brothers history. He was looking around and made it clear he didn't want to do this at all. I mean, this was an all-time horrible interview. The fuck has gotten into this guy?.
229 
230Mauro interviewed Gilbert Melendez about whether he was the best lightweight in the world. Gilbert said yeah, he was the best.
231 
232JZ Cavalcante vs. Josh Thomson. The commission made Thomson take a kneebrace off before the fight. That was interesting. The ruling was that you can wear a knee brace but not a brace with padding. They ended up on the ground and Cavalcante put him in a tight guillotine. Thomson sold it like he was ready to tap but then repositioned himself and was able to survive. The place went nuts when he slipped his head out. Thomson dominated him from that point forward, beating the hell out of him from the top and then putting him in an arm triangle. It looked like it was curtains for JZ but the bell saved him. Awesome round. 10-9 Thomson. Both guys came super close on a submission so Thomson gets the nod due to the added ground-and-pound. Long clinch on the fence, then Thomson got a takedown. Thomson almost got another arm triangle but JZ knew enough to escape. Another beating by Thomson to end the round. Easy 10-9. Thomson tried another takedown in the third but JZ switched in mid-move and ended up in the mount. Thomson escaped to guard and gave the fans a fist-pump. They went nuts. Thomson got back to his feet. Cavalcante took him down again and pounded from the guard. Last minute had JZ on top with Thomson trying all sorts of submissions from the bottom. Didn't come close on anything. 10-9 JZ, so 29-28 Thomson. I can understand people giving JZ round one but I didn't see it that way. Judges gave it to Thomson, two 29-28s and a 30-27. No fucking idea how anyone scored that 30-27. Thomson said he was upset at leaving it in the hands of the judges, saying he felt like shit tonight. He put over JZ as a badass, adding that there was no way he won 30-27 and it was time for judging clinics. He said he wanted a rematch with Gilbert. Gilbert was not thrilled with this idea.
233 
234Dirty Dan Henderson did a promo hyping up his next fight with Babalu Sobral. Babalu's broken English was such that I have no idea what he said. I heard beer in there somewhere. Fight is December 4th in St. Louis.
235 
236Nick Diaz vs. KJ Noons for the Nick Diaz Title (welterweight). The videos hyping this up were so disappointing. I didn't expect them to show the family vs. family brawl from Hawaii, but I did expect shit-talking. Nope. They both respect each other. Noons was hated. Despite his awful promo early, Diaz was still fighting like a punk, mocking the guy and putting his hands super low. They were both hitting each other but Diaz stunned him with a jab and then followed him to the ground into side control. Diaz did nothing from the position, just holding him down. An odd strategy. Noons fought to his feet. Noons, I should note, kept brushing his hair out of his eyes. That's God telling you to cut your hair. Diaz was doing his patty-cake punches and blocking shots with his face, but he was landing. A fascinating round. Diaz did land the hardest shot and a bunch of jabs. 10-9 Diaz. Diaz was cut early in the second. Now Noons was talking shit. Nick went for a takedown and couldn't get it. That's what you get for putting your fucking hands down and face out. Fans were booing, which was amazing since they were working. It was hideously appalling boxing. Maybe they recognized that. Noons' round 10-9. You can add shooting with no set-up to Diaz's blocking punches with his face patty-cake style. Noons also looked nothing like a pro boxer. Crowd cheered the round. They hit each other a lot. Diaz probably landed more but who knows. Nick hit him with a hard knee and a shot but then didn't follow up on it. He just stood there. Mauro was going nuts about what a classic fight this was. 10-9 Noons. Even fight. Diaz kept going for takedowns in the fifth. Couldn't get anything. Nick was patty-caking him but Noons was landing the harder shots. Went the distance. I call the fight a draw and I'm finished with it. Infuriating shitty technique. For the record, Diaz threw far more shots but Noons landed a higher percentage and they were harder shots. So based on that, I give the fight to Noons. The announcers kept talking about how you had to beat the champ. No you don't. You don't have to beat the champ. There is no champ the moment the bell rings. Judges scored it 48-47, 49-47 and 49-46 for Diaz. Diaz talked about how he beat this guy in a boxing match and he'd also tapped him out, so he proved he was a well-rounded mixed martial artist. Except he never tapped out Noons. Noons said Diaz won fair and square and that was fine, but did say he wanted a rematch. Take your time.
237 
238 
239TNA Bound for Glory (10/10/10)
240TNA did a pre-show. Keep in mind the pre-show wasn't free. You only got it if you'd already ordered the PPV. Don't ask. It's stupid. But anyway, the point is that this pre-show was FUCKING AWESOME. No joke. They did a fantastic job building up the three-way main event, Abyss vs. RVD and the Fortune vs. EV2.0 match. It was a documentary style build with all the guys doing serious interviews talking about how important each match was and why they wanted to win. If they'd inserted all of these segments into the Impact show Thursday that 1.7 million people watched, I can almost guarantee they'd have done 40,000 buys for this show, and maybe as high as 60,000. It was that good. But they didn’t.
241 
242Machine Guns vs. Generation Me for the tag titles. GM look more like junior high kids each week, which is astounding. I will say, unlike the Naturals I can tell both men apart and even know their names. That's a big positive. Guns with the big double tope early. Much bigger crowd than usual here in Daytona Beach and they were into the match. Heat on Alex after they split his legs as he was going up top. Shelley sold a bit, then hit a double foot stomp off the top and made the tag to Sabin. He made a big comeback and the people were on their feet. Max tried to tag but Jeremy was on the floor. Weird spot. Broke down into a four-way. Shelley dropped Jeremy on his head with a German. That looked brutal. One nearfall and save after another. "THIS IS AWESOME!" It was actually a dueling "THIS IS AWESOME!" chant since the two sides of the building couldn't get in synch. That killed me. I was about to write that they went on too long when they suddenly did a four-way spot that involved Sabin giving Jeremy a German off the top and the place exploded. Guns finally hit their skull and bones finish for the pin. Awesome opener. (****).
243 
244Madison Rayne and Tara did a promo. Usual TNA shit interview bullfuck. Madison used the terms, and I quote, "phony bitch," "pig," "whore" and "skank." The phony was in regards to Christy's hair, even though Christy's hair is real and Madison's is fake. I realize that's the point, that she's a hypocritical heel, but you don't need to point out that the girls in your company really aren't that pretty and are just fake. She also said Tara was indebted to her for life, then buried Mickie James. She said she was the only Queen Bee in TNA. Tara was not happy with that statement.
245 
246Angelina vs. Madison vs. Tara vs. Velvet in a four-way for the Knockout's title with Mickie as the ref. Angelina was champ going in, by the way. Mickie looked fantastic. Velvet also looked great. Madison tagged Velvet immediately and told her to wrestle Angelina. They "grappled" in slow motion. Nobody cared. Then Velvet just tagged out. When Dutch Mantell and Scott D'Amore left they should have just abolished this division as well, because these girls without competent agents are, well, not very competent. Tara and Velvet botched some stuff including a seated dropkick. I love Velvet but she can't even believably make a cover. Everyone hit a finisher. Kind of. Tara ended up rolling up Velvet in a very sloppy manner, grabbing the tights right in front of ref Mickie, and Mickie counted the pin. This was pretty much awful. (DUD). Madison shoved Mickie afterwards so Mickie gave her a right hand. That was the best spot in the entire match by a country mile. They didn't focus on Angelina, the former champion, at all, she was merely an afterthought.
247 
248By the way, someone on our board noted that the TNA women's title has changed hands six times in the past six months and the challengers have only pinned the reigning champion a single time.
249 
250Eric Young had tattoos drawn all over him backstage. He said he was going to show Orlando what it was like to be a real man. "Who cares if he's bi?" he asked. Then he paused and said, "Bipolar." "Comedy," this was supposed to be.
251 
252Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan. More "comedy," this time built around Eric's head injuries. Downright fucking astounding how clueless these people are. All this shit on what is supposed to be a serious show. I think as a general rule you should never put on what you expect to be two bullshit matches in a row. Eric knocked one of Ink Inc. off the apron, took his place, got a hot tag from the other Inkster, and made a comeback on his own partner. After he'd laid him out, Ink Inc. did a double-team for the pin. Orlando was pissed off afterwards but forgave Eric. A complete nonsensical waste of time. (-*).
253 
254Jeff did a promo backstage and growled like a tiger. Creepy.
255 
256Jay Lethal vs. Doug Williams for the X-Title. Wow, a wrestling match. How novel. Crowd couldn't get into it, though, after the previous two matches. Lethal sold for a bit and then made his big comeback. Awesome spot where he went for a springboard and Doug caught him in mid-move and suplexed him onto his head. They traded nearfalls. Doug hit the chaos theory suplex, an awesome finish, and Lethal kicked out. Fans chanted "THAT WAS THREE!" Doug hit a top rope frankensteiner but Lethal rolled through into a sunset flip for a cradle. Good match. (***).
257 
258As Lethal was heading to the back, SHORE attacked him, threw him into the ring, beat the crap out of him, and then Robbie E. vowed to win the title and bring it back to Jersey. He was met with loud "BORING!" chants. What a fail this gimmick has been so far. Are you surprised? A lame pro-wrestling Jersey Shore ripoff. Not to mention they gave him the RKO as a finish, which comes off so low-rent.
259 
260Abyss came out and did a promo, saying he'd prophesied for months about THEIR entrance into TNA, and today was the day. That was going to begin tonight, he said, with the destruction of RVD. I love that Abyss will supposedly be fired at the end of the night and Dixie wants him humiliated, but they still let him have his music and light show. RVD ran wild on him early so they did this right. None of this locking up bullshit, RVD tried to kill him. He gave him a facebuster onto a barbed wire board and it was real barbed wire as some of it was sticking to his skin. Disgusting. Rob then tried the rolling thunder and Abyss moved so RVD landed on the board. No buys. Abyss set up a barbed wire board bridge between the apron and the guardrail and a regular table bridge on the other side. Abyss ended up on it and RVD gave him a rolling thunder dive over the ropes, putting him through it. At least that was safe. Fans chanted "THIS IS WRESTLING!" That was fucking hilarious. There was no wrestling to speak of occurring. RVD went for the coast-to-coast but Abyss cut him off by throwing the chair at his head. Yes, RVD somehow never saw this coming. This actually makes sense given his character. He was so wrapped up in his own awesomeness that he was oblivious to a 350-pound man rising up before him. He bumped off the post through the barbed wire board outside. That looked like it sucked. The bridge of his nose was busted open by the barbed wire. Good thing it wasn't his eyeball. This barbed wire is going to fuck someone up someday. A minute later, RVD was back up, doing a coast-to-coast driving a barbed wire board into Abyss' face. He missed the frog splash. Abyss got the nail-covered board but missed a swing. RVD was about to do another frog splash but saw the board. "Why the hell not?" asked Tenay. Well, let me count the ways. RVD hit him in the stomach with it, causing Abyss to begin immediately bleeding from the mouth, then hit the frog splash for the pin. Are his insides punctured? After the match, Abyss looked right into the camera and said, "Ten, ten, ten, get ready, because here we come!" (***1/2).
261 
262Nash & Sting & Pope vs. Jarrett & Joe in a handicap match. Yup, Nash was back after flipping out on Twitter again two nights earlier. Jarrett got an embarrassingly tepid reaction coming out. Tenay sent out best wishes to Hulk before the match, and Taz said Joe was fighting this match in Hogan's honor. Sounds like a serious angle alert to me. They worked over Joe forever. Joe was the babyface in peril, which seemed ass-backwards until the time came for him to make the hot tag, at which point Jeff dropped off the apron and walked to the back. Joe found himself surrounded by all three guys. He fought valiantly but was beaten down three-on-one. This was not a DQ, by the way. I love watching Earl Hebner in the background trying to get these men to stop and not being able to do the logical thing. Nash gave Joe the powerbomb and pinned him. Yes, they put Nash over. I would say that means clearly he's not leaving, but this is TNA so I'm presuming this is his last night in. So yeah, that was the big shocking surprise in this match. (*1/2).
263 
264They did a Mr. Anderson interview backstage. He was in the middle of his promo when they cut away from Anderson to Team 3-D doing an entrance. Totally low-rent. Bubba did a promo saying they'd become a team in 1996 with the goal of becoming the best ever. Nobody reacted. They said they'd been wrestling for 15 years, and because of the fans they had become 23-time tag champs. He said the TNA tag titles were the most important in the world and TNA had the best young wrestlers anywhere. But they'd done it all, he said, so as of this moment, Team 3-D was officially retired. People booed. They did have one last request, though. If they were going out they wanted to go out with one more match. And if they were going to have one more match, they wanted it to be with the best tag team in the world today, therefore, they wanted Motor City Machine Guns. This got almost no reaction. That was sad. They said if Guns could beat them they could put on their resumes that they were the team that retired Team 3-D. And if they lost, Team 3-D would retire the World Tag Team Champions. So in other words, as of that moment, they weren't actually retired.
265 
266Fortune did a promo backstage. They're supposed to be the top heels and Christy was there laughing with them and having a good ol' time.
267 
268Fortune (AJ & Kazarian & Beer Money & Matt Morgan) vs. EV2.0 (Dreamer & Stevie & Raven & Sabu & Rhino) in a Lethal Lockdown (War Games match). Both teams came down to ringside and Flair immediately went after Foley. It was broken up. Then Flair, right in front of the camera, not in the middle of a brawl or anything, leaned forward and ran a blade across his forehead. Man is out of his mind. Kazarian and Stevie started. It was what it was. AJ was in next. Supposed to be man advantage heels, but then AJ did his usual babyface dropkick spot and the fans went nuts. AJ and Kazarian did a double team figure-four. No submissions at this point so they just tortured him. Next in was Dreamer. He had a t-shirt on that read "THANK YOU!" Big stacked up superplex spot. In next was Robert Roode, then Sabu, who ran wild on everyone. Crowd was getting more and more quiet the longer this went on. Storm was in next. The two biggest pops in the match, I might add, were AJ's dropkick and Beer Money doing their Beer Money suplex. Raven was in next. He did his snot rag spot that he tried to get over a few years ago. Didn't get over at all here. I mean, silence. Matt Morgan was the last heel in the ring. He didn't even really play monster heel. He powerbombed Sabu into the cage and then gave Dreamer some elbows. Rhino was in next. People were actually into his gores and such. Then they lowered the cage top with all the goofy weapons. Everyone was doing a million moves and hitting each other with a million weapons. Meanwhile, Flair and Foley were brawling on the ramp. A total clusterfuck. Morgan and Raven exchanged shots to the head with gimmicks, then Raven tried a double-leg for some reason. Please tell me we nearly saw a shoot in Lethal Lockdown between Raven and Matt Morgan. Kazarian got sent into the door and it opened up and he fell outside. Hell of a cage on your biggest show of the year. Everyone brawled outside. Kazarian and Stevie were on top of the cage. Kazarian put him on a table and climbed a ladder but Brian Kendrick appeared out of nowhere and went after him. I think he was supposed to powerbomb Kazarian off the ladder through the table but they both just fell down in a heap. That was lame. So Kazarian just backdropped him through the table. In the ring, Dreamer gave AJ a middle rope DVD onto a chair and pinned him. Then they immediately cut away. I mean, no celebration, nothing. Like five seconds after the pinfall they cut backstage to a Kurt Angle interview. This was like the most low-rent, rinky-dink production. Match wasn't much either. And now that it's over, I have no idea what the point of it was because they treated the finish like it didn't matter one single bit. (*1/2).
269 
270Angle vs. Anderson vs. Hardy for the vacant TNA Title. They said no time limit, no DQ, no countouts. No good reason for it except that they told us at the get-go that dudes were going to run in. They mentioned that this was the biggest match of the biggest TNA show of the year. Kind of sad, actually. Your basic three-way early. They did a three-way German spot that was actually pretty impressive. Kurt took a backdrop over the top to the floor. This didn't keep him down for long. Anderson was also bleeding from the forehead, no idea how. Hardy did a flip dive to the outside onto both guys and somehow neither caught him. They did a spot I couldn't figure out, where Jeff missed a senton and Angle lunged at him and then did -- nothing. They cut to Dixie in the crowd giving the match The Dixie Look â„¢, which is actually her only look. They did a stacked up superplex. That same move was done earlier in the show. Angle gave both guys the rolling Germans. He put both guys in a double ankle lock. That looked lewd. Anderson did his middle rope rolling fireman's carry. There goes a rib. Hardy did a senton onto the pile. There goes another one. Angle kicked out. Crowd went nuts for the nearfall. Angle hit the slam on Jeff but Jeff kicked out. Fans were totally into the match now. Kurt gave Anderson a top rope Angle slam. Looked sloppy. Jeff covered but Anderson kicked out. Jeff hit the twisting moonsault on Kurt and the twist of fate on Anderson. He went up for the senton but Kurt broke it up and put him in the ankle lock. Anderson hit the mic check on Kurt for another nearfall. Angle with a giant moonsault on Jeff. Anderson and Angle did a series of spots, then the ref took a bump. A flip bump, actually. That was the moment they lost the crowd. Angle and Anderson were down when out came Eric with a steel chair. He was in the ring about to hit either Angle or Anderson when Hulk's music hit. Yup, he was there. Out he limped on crutches with a strange bearded man behind him. Hogan was not moving well at all. They had a guy help him get into the ring. Bischoff threw the chair outside. Hogan got in his face and was poking him in the chest. Then he gave Bischoff his crutch. He gave the other crutch to Jeff. They teased that Hogan and Jeff were the babyfaces, but then Jeff -- JEFF HARDY -- broke the crutch over Angle's back and turned heel. He broke the other crutch over Anderson's back and then gave him the twist of fate. This got a huge reaction. He made the cover and Bischoff told the ref to count. So Hardy is the new World Champion. I don't think the announcer's mentioned a single time that Kurt's career was over. And since it's not, of course, over, that begs the question why they bothered doing a retirement stip earlier in the show with Team 3-D. Abyss and Jeff Jarrett came out afterwards, so the new heel faction is Jeff, Hogan, Eric, Abyss, and Jarrett. What a crew. RVD came out and demanded to know what Jeff was doing, so Jeff laid him out with the belt. People were pelting the ring with garbage. We'll see what kind of heat this really is probably very soon. It certainly was unexpected, largely because the idea of turning Jeff Hardy heel sounds like the stupidest idea in the world. But we'll see. They also showed Dixie in the crowd who did, in fact, have the exact same look on her face as earlier on. That made me laugh. A newsworthy show at least. (***1/2)
271 
272 
273Raw (10/11/10)
274 
275By Vincent Verhei
276Show opened with Cena coming out. Cole said that he was not surprised Cena was getting a mixed reaction because of the Nexus angle. Yeah, that and he’s been getting mixed reactions for five years now. Then Cena thanked the fans for their positive reaction. He said the fans last week chanted something he had heard before. No, not “Cena sucks,” he’d heard that a bunch. Last week he heard the fans chanting “Never give up.” He said he never had given up and never would. He did a fine job recapping the entire angle for new viewers. The man who has made movies and released albums said he didn’t know what he would do without WWE. Miz eventually interrupted. He came out in a grey suit that looked like it came from Vince McMahon’s closet. He said he was captaining Team Raw for Bragging Rights, and since unlike Cena he did not pick teams based on personal grudges, he wanted Cena on the team. He said last year Big Show had betrayed Raw at Bragging Rights, an angle I had completely forgotten about. Cena said he should be the captain instead. Out came Wade. He said he didn’t care about Raw or Smackdown, only Nexus and the WWE title. He said he needed Cena’s attention focused on cornering Wade for his match with Orton, and barred him from Team Raw. Cena got serious and tried to plead to Wade that he could do both. Wade said no, you’re only going to corner me. Alex Riley interrupted and suggested that Miz would cash in his briefcase after the Orton-Barrett match. Miz got pissed at him for spoiling the element of surprise. Then Cole got an e-mail. The GM announced that there would be a series of matches on the show to determine the members of Team Raw, and the main event would be Miz vs. Cena, winner gets to captain the team. Miz was fine with this. He started to talk smack to Barrett, so Barrett threw a no-hands headbutt. That ruled. Miz and Riley jumped Barrett and worked him over. Cena stood and watched, then eventually jumped in and cleared the ring. Barrett responded by giving Cena one hell of a brow-beating. Cena just nodded sheepishly. A good segment, and most importantly three-quarters of the participants were not the same old crew.
277 
278Ted DiBiase vs. Truth. Truth came out rapping and dancing with Eve. Maryse just stared like she could not even process what was going on. The ref, who was that one black guy, was also self-consciously side-stepping to the beat in the background, like he knew he shouldn’t dance but just couldn’t help himself. THAT ruled. They were doing nearfalls here in a four-minute TV match. Goldust came out with the million dollar belt and Aksana to distract DiBiase. So then Truth rolled DiBiase up, and DiBiase kicked out. Truth then hit a forearm for the win. What was the point of the distraction then? Is this Impact?.
279 
280John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd. Morrison’s hair was greasy and unwashed. Perhaps this was a Kurt Cobain tribute. They were in Seattle. Kidd got the heat when he cut off a dive with a head kick. Lawler noted that David Hart Smith wasn’t out there, then said he had seen him on the local news working out and plugging Raw. Slow news day in the Northwest. Kidd hooked the sharpshooter, but Morrison just rolled it back over and kicked him off. They were trading rollups when Morrison hit the one-man Spanish Fly for the win. I think Paul Burchill called that the C4. Morrison does it better than Burchill.
281 
282Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty had a meeting with the Nexus B-teamers backstage. Otunga wanted to know what their deal with Wade was, and whether they were in Nexus or not. Wade showed up and told the new guys to take a walk. He said they needed to focus on taking Orton out tonight. Otunga said he would take Orton on and beat him, but if you really wanted to take him out you should send Gabriel. That was funny. Wade agreed and booked the match (I guess he can do that now) and told Otunga and Slater to be in his corner.
283 
284Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder. Yes, one of these men is going to be on Team Raw. Way to go, GM. Seattle LOVED Santino. He made a comeback and actually won with the Cobra, which is the new worm, a move that is completely stupid that the crowd loves. Tamina came out to celebrate and hit a hug that was basically a Thesz press. Santino seemed confused but not unhappy about this.
285 
286Justin Gabriel vs. Randy Orton. Slater and Otunga were ejected a minute in, which begs the question of why they came out in the first place. Nobody in the building thought Gabriel was going to win, which hurt the heat. There were a few moments where it looked like he wasn’t sure what to do, but he mostly did fine. After Orton’s comeback, Gabriel went for a 450. Orton tried to roll out of the way, but Gabriel came down on his back. Cole immediately started talking about Orton’s history of shoulder problems, but then Orton just stood up and hit the RKO for the win, not selling his shoulder at all. So I’m going to assume that Gabriel just overshot his target. Looked like he banged his face into Orton’s hip. Bet that sucked.
287 
288They aired clips of Big Show’s movie. It appears to be a script written for Chris Farley and David Spade starring Show and the guy from Royal Pains. It did include a shot of BIG SHOW FIGHTING A BEAR, but the rest of it looked so stupid I immediately decided to never see it.
289 
290Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus. Sucks to be in your hometown, dude. He ran wild at the opening, dropkicking Sheamus into the ringpost. Sheamus caught him with a uranage backbreaker for the heat. He came back and kicked the uckfay out of Sheamus and got a nearfall with a missile dropkick. Sheamus started dropping knees to the head until Bryan was nearly unconscious, just like last week. He went to finish him with the Celtic Cross but Bryan rolled him up for one more nearfall before Sheamus finished him off with the Brogue kick. This did wonders for Bryan, but he’s still got a ways to go after the way they destroyed him last week.
291 
292Truth met with Cena backstage. He said they’d been buddies for a long time, but Cena joining Nexus wasn’t sitting too well for the locker room. He said if Barrett ordered you to take one of out, you’d do it, wouldn’t you? Cena just sat there with a blank stare. Truth said he knew Cena was in a tough spot, but said there was another way out of this: “Just quit.”.
293 
294We got a promo piece on all the work WWE does with soldiers, including guys like Hogan and Rock. You know the deal. It was a hell of a video, that’s all I have to say.
295 
296Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk. Punk won in three minutes with the go to sleep. A very effective glorified squash. Punk destroyed him afterwards, throwing him into the walls and post and then hooking the anaconda vice while screaming “NOTHING PERSONAL!” He had been getting a strong mixed reaction, but this turned a lot of fans against him, so it worked.
297 
298After break, Natalya was in the ring. She said the most important thing uncle Bret had ever taught her was to stand up for herself and vowed to win the Diva’s title at Bragging Rights. LayCool interrupted. They made fun of her for being boring and the camera caught her laughing at their jokes. They said she was courageous enough to appear on national television every week with her flaws. They made fun of her for having her dad’s beard, then put the obvious Photoshop on the big screen. Natalya was still laughing. She said LayCool were the most annoying Divas ever, then said their IQ was lower than their waist size. They took this as a compliment. This just kept going and going and GOING. And then LayCool just left. They turned around to find the rest of the Divas blocking their exit. Natalya put Layla in the sharpshooter, but Michelle saved her and they fled. This was terrible.
299 
300Cena vs. Miz. Riley hit Cena with a clothesline on the floor thirty seconds in. Apparently this was no-DQ. Well, shouldn’t Miz and Riley just do the entire match 2-on-1 then? Sho nuff, that’s about what they did. They teased assorted table spots, then Cena got shoved off into the barricade. Later he charged at Miz, but Miz dodged, pulling the padding off the barricade, and Cena ran into the exposed steel. Then he made his comeback 30 seconds later in the ring. He dodged a briefcase shot and hooked the STF. Riley tried to save, but Cena cut him off and put him in the STF. Cena let go and he rolled outside, but then Harris and McGillicutty hit the ring to lay Cena out, and then Miz covered him for the pin. So Team Raw is Miz, Truth, Morrison, Sheamus, Punk, and Santino, with one more guy to be named later. Miz and Riley left to the back. Harris and McGillicutty taunted Cena, so he went after them until Barrett ran down to pull him off. The GM said that next week, Harris and McGillicutty would have their first official match against Cena and Orton. All three men were fine with this. Barrett said that if Cena lost that match, he would induct Harris and McGillicutty into Nexus, and ordered Cena to do “the right thing.” He started mocking Cena, baiting him to throw a punch. He said Cena wouldn’t do it, not because of the GM, but because he was scared, a coward, yellow-bellied, spineless. He turned his back on Cena, said he didn’t have the guts to do anything, and he was pathetic. Cena just stood there screaming. He went to leave, but Barrett ordered him to stop. Then he said until next week – “YOU CAN’T SEE ME!” OK, that was great. Cena hung his head and walked to the back. Divas bullshit aside, this was a damn fine episode of Raw.
301 
302~~~~~
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306OCT. 19 FIGURE FOUR WEEKLY: A PLEA TO TNA REGARDING THE BOOKING OF IMPACT
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310 
311By Bryan Alvarez
312 
313Coming off Bound for Glory 2010, TNA Impact did its highest rating on a Thursday night since January 21, 2010, a 1.37 with 1.9 million viewers. The rating was cause for celebration among most at Spike TV and TNA. But the overall number also blinded people to a disturbing stat, a badly declining ratings pattern throughout the show, and so it is that immediately after TNA scored its highest rating since January, I am again calling for the current writing team to be replaced.
314 
315It is no secret that I'm not a fan of Impact. I think it is largely a terrible pro-wrestling show. Obviously there are a lot of people who disagree with me. In fact, I can give you a number, approximately 1.5 million people in the United States. This is pretty much TNA's base audience on Thursday nights at 9 p.m. These people are going to watch Impact no matter how good or bad the show is. A small number of them will tune out if there is very strong competition on another channel, but in general, these are the super hardcore TNA viewers. I can tell you from experience that they are very passionate fans, and they get very upset if you tell them that Impact sucks. I can also tell you that as passionate as they are about TNA, they aren't passionate enough to spend money on the product to anything resembling what would be required for TNA to be profitable.
316 
317When people talk about the lack of growth in TNA, a lot of different factors are cited. The one I hear most often is that there is a lack of awareness of the product. Several former WWE stars who are now in TNA have noted that fans often ask why they're not wrestling anymore, as if they are completely oblivious to the fact that TNA exists. Others repeat ad nauseum in interviews that they just have to get people aware of TNA, and once they do TNA will be competitive with WWE. And of course you have people defending TNA's usage of B-level celebrities, saying that when, for example, JWoww gets mentioned on TMZ.com, that increases the awareness of TNA which could lead to more people sampling the product.
318 
319Here's the problem. The "lack of awareness of TNA" is a myth that should have been dispelled in January of this year. Lost in the story of the failed Monday Night War of 2010 is the fact that, for at least 15 minutes, the War was not a failure at all. On January 4th at 9 p.m. ET (meaning this doesn't count a single viewer of the West Coast feed), exactly 8,329,000 people were watching professional wrestling in America. To put this in perspective, let's jump back pretty much exactly ten years to October 16, 2000, during the waning days of the Monday Night Wars. Now granted, WCW was close to death, but they were still doing a 2.33 rating, and Raw was doing a 4.83. The combined audience for the night was 7.6 million viewers -- almost 1 million viewers less than were watching Raw and Impact on January 4, 2010. One month later, in what was considered a good week for Raw and Nitro at the time, the combined audience was 8.1 million, still less than the number of people watching Raw and Impact on January 4th.
320 
321Impact at 9 p.m. on January 4th was viewed by 2.9 million people. Last week's Smackdown on Syfy was viewed by 2.6 million people over the entire two hours. More people were watching Impact at 9 p.m. on January 4th then watched Smackdown on Syfy last week. For a more fair comparison, the difference between Impact's January 4th 9 p.m. quarter hour rating and the entire Smackdown season average for 2009-2010 was only 400,000 viewers.
322 
323This does not sound like a lack of awareness of TNA to me.
324 
325The bottom line is that the issue is not that people don't know TNA exists. The issue is that there are a lot of people that know it exists and think it sucks.
326 
327Impact this past Thursday night opened at a 1.53 rating and 2.1 million viewers. That means that 600,000 people who don't normally watch the show tuned in. Spike TV believed it was due to JWoww's appearance on the show, though that doesn't really make any sense when you consider that her quarter hour ended up doing the lowest-rated quarter of the entire two-hour block. Most likely, 600,000 people heard about Bound for Glory and Jeff Hardy's heel turn and were intrigued enough to check out the show.
328 
329Why would people check out a show that they had already given up on probably several times in the past? The answer, to me, has to do with the most infuriating thing about Impact. I can handle a bad television show that has no redeeming qualities. I enjoyed the first episode of Wrestlelicious, for example. I would watch Heroes of Wrestling again. I have fond memories of YAMMA. I wouldn't want to watch these types of shows every week or even every month, but as occassional stand-alone events I am able to amuse myself by sitting there in awe at the stupidity of it all. With Impact, it's different. The reason people are willing to come back here and there and give Impact another chance is because they have HOPE. TNA has a roster of great wrestlers. It could probably be argued that their roster is more talented than WWE's top-to-bottom. If you ignore the booking, Impact itself has a more exciting and dynamic feel than Raw. And because they don't script everything or put handcuffs on people, for the most part the interviews are much better and there is a greater variety of wrestling styles.
330 
331All of these positives are rendered moot by the idiotic booking and frenetic nature of Impact. This is not an opinion. This is a statement borne out of hard data, Thursday's rating being a prime example. It would be one thing if the rating pattern, which saw the show fall from a 1.5 to 1.2 over two hours, was an abberation, but it's not. With rare exceptions, the pattern is an ongoing collapse.
332 
333I enjoyed the first 45 minutes or so of Impact. Sure, there wasn't a shred of wrestling on the show during that period, but to me, the amount of in-ring action on a show is not the most important factor in determining whether a show is any good. To me, the determining factor of whether a show is any good is if it's any good. Meaning, if you only have five minutes of wrestling on a two-hour show, but the remaining one hour and 55 minutes of non-wrestling is great, it's a great show. On the flip side, if you have a show that features one hour and 45 minutes of wrestling in a two-hour program, and that wrestling is all horrible, the show sucks. Wrestling shows are good or bad based on the quality of what is presented, regardless of what that is.
334 
335The first "wrestling match" on Impact was Tara laying down for Madison Rayne in what was actually an angle disguised as a three-second wrestling match. It was god-awful, and not just because Eric Bischoff, in ten years, learned nothing about the Finger Poke Of Doom spot and the wonders it does for business. Not that the Knockouts title is going to make a difference anyway, but still. My patience was beginning to wear thin. We then got another thirty straight minutes of talking. I should note that if a single person actually did tune into Impact to see JWoww, after an hour and fifteen minutes of talking – particuarly fifteen minutes of that going head-to-head with the real Jersey Shore – those people were long gone by the time she came out. I thought to myself at the hour and fifteen minute mark that this was the period where there had to be a giant exodus from the show, because if this wasn't my job that was the point where I'd have completely given up.
336 
337Imagine my surprise when I looked at the ratings pattern and found that the show dropped from a 1.43 to a 1.35 during that segment and never recovered. (For those imagining, I was not surprised at all.) In fact, it fell steadily from that point forward. Earlier I said the show closed at a 1.23, but that's not entirely correct. The two-hour period ended there, but the main event of the show went 15 minutes into Reaction from 11-11:15 p.m. and did a 1.15 rating. Keep in mind that Raw sometimes adds 1 million viewers for their main event overrun periods at 11 p.m. TNA not only didn't add anything close to that, but their main event, which they spent two hours building towards, where Mr. Anderson and Rob Van Dam fought to determine who would face the newly-turned Jeff Hardy for the TNA Title, lost 110,000 viewers.
338 
339Celebrating over the biggest rating since January misses the most important point about this show. It is such an important point that TNA ignoring it is the biggest example of why they have no chance of success with the current group of people in charge. The fact is this: TNA did its highest rating since January because 600,000 new viewers decided to give them a shot after Bound for Glory and Jeff Hardy's heel turn. By the time the show was over, statistically, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WAS GONE.
340 
341The importance of this fact cannot be understated, because it's the single biggest reason that TNA cannot garner any sort of real momentum. The story of the Monday Night Wars was that a bunch of new people -- well over a million, in fact -- gave TNA a chance, and within a matter of weeks the programming was such that they gave up. That is the story. And despite the massive failure that was this war, TNA didn't change ANYTHING. The same booking committee is still in charge, and here we are nine months later with the EXACT same thing happening all over again.
342 
343Now, granted, this is an awful lot to write about one week's rating, especially during the week that it occurred. Maybe they'll do another 1.4 this coming Thursday and by mid-November have 2.1 million viewers consistently watching the show. Personally, I believe that this story will be just as valid in mid-November as it is today, because the fact of the matter is that the same booking committee is still in charge, and since the same thing happened last week that happened in January, I am confident – overly confident, in fact – that this same ratings pattern will continue unabated.
344 
345Here is an interesting fact. As noted, Thursday's Impact rating fell off at 10:15 p.m. and never recovered. Guess what happened on October 7th? Same thing. Show fell from a 1.44 at 10:15 to a 1.32 and never recovered. September 30th? Fell from a 1.25 at 10:15 to a 1.21, then to a 1.10 and a 1.08. September 23rd? Fell from a 1.06 at 10:15 to a 1.04, then down to a 1.03 and a 1.0. September 16th? Fell from a 1.33 at 10:15 to two straight 1.12s and a 1.10 to finish.
346 
347This is a ridiculously consistent pattern. There was not even a single aberration in five straight weeks. When people tell me that they think Impact is good, I am baffled and wonder by what set of criteria they are applying this label. Any other two-hour entertainment product in the world that had a consistent turn-off factor at the 75-minute mark would not be considered good. Imagine the review a movie would get if Roger Ebert noted that a fair percentage of the audience walked out halfway through it. Imagine what would happen to your average network television show if, during the pilot episode, a substantial portion of the audience tuned out halfway through and the final quarter of the show was the lowest-rated of the night. In fact, you don't have to imagine. I'll tell you. That movie would be skewered and that television show would be canceled, regardless of whether it had further episodes in the can or not.
348 
349How about some examples? In the past month alone, both Lone Star and The Outlaw were both canceled. Lone Star, which ran at 9 p.m. on Fox, did poor ratings the first week and lower ratings on week two. The conclusion was that most people weren't interested going in, and many that tuned in for week one didn't like it enough to come back for week two. It was promptly canceled. This is what happened with Impact over several weeks in January, and what continues to happen with Impact over two hours on a regular basis. The Outlaw was also canceled. This NBC show did a 1.0 on week one, and even though viewers were down 11 percent on week two it managed to hold steady with another 1.0 rating. Steady, however, does not equal success on NBC. Canceled.
350 
351"No network, cable or otherwise, wants to see declines from a show week to week," said one television source. "Let alone inside the content of a show."
352 
353Raw has been declining week-to-week, people will say. This is true, as the show goes head-to-head with a strong season of Monday Night Football. But Raw is still pulling 4.5 million viewers per show, sometimes as high as 5 million, and it is a rare week when the second hour of Raw shows a decline from hour one. In fact, when it happens, a couple of times per year at most, it is a pretty big story. People will note that Raw also has a consistent 10:15 p.m. drop. Also true. However, unlike with TNA, those people who drop come back for the main event en masse. Nobody I talked to in WWE could even remember a time when the quarter-hour ratings for the entire show fell consistently throughout the evening, or a time when the main event was the lowest-rated segment on the show. If this ever happened, a WWE source deadpanned, "it’d be a bad day the next day." Yet for TNA and Spike TV, Thursday's rating was cause for celebration.
354 
355To me, opening at 2.1 million viewers and closing at 1.6 million is not cause for celebration. What I would like to see is TNA opening at 2.1 million viewers and closing at 2.5 million. Frankly, even that should not be cause for celebration because that's what any other television show anywhere in the known world would be expected to do. TNA fans should not hold Impact to a drastically lower standard just because they are fans of the show. That is counterproductive. They should demand, at worst, the same standard of quality as any other successful television show, which includes a writing team that can do what any other writing team anywhere else on television would be expected to do, that being sustain or grow the viewership over a two-hour period. They should particularly demand this of TNA, since this writing crew clearly would rather be television sitcom writers than wrestling bookers.
356 
357I once ranted about a gold boat on one of our radio shows. Basically, TNA fans like to claim that the reason I complain about TNA all the time is because I hate the company and want it to die. This could not be further from the truth. As a fan, the best house show I ever attended was a TNA house show in Kent, Wash., and if I could see the talent in TNA utilized in such a fashion every Thursday night at 9 p.m. I'd be as happy as a person could be. From a business standpoint, our website is so much more successful now than when I only published a print newsletter that it's not even funny. If the Monday Night Wars of the mid-'90s were happening today, I cannot even imagine the level of success we'd achieve. I would have enough money, I said on that radio show, to buy a boat made out of solid gold, and tie it to palm trees in my front yard here in Seattle. There is literally no good reason, either as a fan or businessperson, for me to desire that TNA cease to exist. This is the entire reason I get so upset – because TNA has a world of potential and the continual failures and ongoing disaster that is TNA Impact is infuriating.
358 
359If TNA fans really loved TNA, instead of complaining about people who dissect Impact they should take a close look at the hard evidence which very clearly points to the Impact booking committee being the single biggest hindrance to the further growth of the company. You will notice that I have not mentioned the name of any single individual on the writing committee. That is because to me it does not matter who the head writer is as long as that person is producing a successful product. If the person pulling the strings is causing TNA to dance its way towards success it would not matter to me if that person was Kim Kardashian (who, given the near-inexplicable success of her show and the strong and consistent increase in ratings season to season, might be a better Impact booker than those presently writing for TNA). Instead of complaining about "biased journalists" or people "holding a grudge," TNA fans should look in the mirror and realize that their blind support of a terrible product will do far more damage long-term than addressing the very serious issues at hand. The current booking committee has been given chance after chance and show a continued inability to produce a television program that either sustains the interest of new viewers or causes the current viewers to spend money on the product. Therefore, they have failed at at every measurable aspect of their job. If TNA is ever going to have a real chance to succeed, this committee must be replaced.
360 
361 
362The Essential Stories
363UKers Beaten at UFC 120
364 
365It was a tough night for the European fighters at the UFC 120 event on October 16th from the O2 Arena in London, England. One hometown star after another dropped on the undercard, most notably Dan Hardy, the most popular fighter on the show, who lost in the first round via spectacular knockout to former WEC mid-carder Carlos Condit. The thumbs-in-the-middle event was saved for UK fans when Michael Bisping won a three-round decision over Yoshihiro Akiyama in the main event, winning 30-27 on all three scorecards.
366 
367Lesnar vs. Cain Preview
368 
369The so-called biggest heavyweight fight in MMA history takes place Saturday night, October 23rd from the Honda Center in Anaheim, Calif., as UFC Heavyweight Champ Brock Lesnar takes on undefeated Cain Velasquez in the main event of UFC 121. Cain is the better all-around fighter, but Brock has more size, power and experience. The two have been the focus of a multi-part All Access series on Spike which has done very strong ratings, suggesting this show should easily top 1 million buys. Undercard fights include former Strikeforce Middleweight Champion Jake Shields vs. Martin Kampmann, and, believe it or not, the completely unpromoted Tito Ortiz returning to the Octagon to face Matt Hamill.
370 
371Matt Hardy Released
372 
373Matt Hardy was finally given his WWE release on October 15th, shortly after posting a YouTube video taped some time back showing several WWE stars eating at a restaurant, including an unmasked Rey Mysterio. WWE had gone back and forth on whether to release him, with the prevailing opinion being that the only reason he was being kept around was in the hopes that when Jeff Hardy's TNA contract expired Jeff would return to WWE as long as Matt was there. Jeff has been telling people in TNA that he'll never return to WWE, ever, and posted online that he was very upset at WWE's handling of his brother's situation. Matt is almost certain to join his brother in TNA when his 90-day no-compete expires in early 2011.
374 
375Linda/Blumenthal Gap Widens
376 
377With two weeks left before the Connecticut Senate election, the polling gap between Linda McMahon and Richard Blumenthal widened, with the release of the latest Quinnipiac poll on Thursday showing Blumenthal's lead increasing to 11 points. McMahon had been within a few percentage points early in October, but lost ground in recent weeks among independents and women. Vince McMahon, obviously frustrated, sent out a press release decrying Democracts for supporting WWE's nonpartisan voting campaign in past years and then essentially turning on the company during this race. Both sides are set to unleash the heavy ammunition over the final 14 days.
378 
379Cause of Death For Cade, Vachon
380 
381Toxicology results came in this week for both Luna Vachon and Lance Cade. Vachon's August 27th death was ruled an accidental overdose of Oxycodone (a heavy-duty painkiller) and Benzodiazepine (which has many prescribed uses including, as an anti-anxiety medication). Cade's August 13th death was the result of "mixed drug intoxication, complicating a cardiomyopathy." In other words, Cade had an already weakened or enlarged heart, likely due to nearly a decade of on-and-off steroid use, and a mixture of drugs triggered a heart attack. A New Haven Register article quoted WWE spokesman Robert Zimmerman as saying the company had received an e-mail Cade had sent to another wrestler last March claiming that he'd ordered two different types of steroids and expected to fail his next drug test. He was released by the company shortly afterwards.
382 
383CMLL Invaders Angle Tanking
384 
385CMLL's latest big show, Entre el Cielo and el Infierno (Between Heaven and Hell), drew only 6,700 fans for a CMLL vs. Invaders themed event headlined by Charly Manson beating Negro Casas in a hair vs. hair match. Despite several weeks of hype the show drew slightly below the two-month company average, which has some expecting that during creative meetings this week the company will put together storylines designed to blow-off the feud by December's year-end spectacular. The low turnout was a real surprise considering that September was CMLL's best month in years both in the ring and financially, and it comes the week after WWE ran their lowest-drawing Mexico tour since regular touring began.
386 
387Kojima New IWGP Champion
388 
389Satoshi Kojima beat Togi Makabe in the main event of the October 11th New Japan show at Tokyo Ryogoku Kokugikan to win the IWGP World Heavyweight title before an announced crowd of 8,800. Kojima used a lariat to win the title for the second time in his career in what was reported to be a very good match. In fact, the last five matches were all said to be excellent, particularly the Kota Ibushi & Kenny Omega IWGP Jr. Tag Title win over Prince Devitt & Ryusuke Taguchi, which was said to be one of the best matches of 2010.
390 
391Live Seattle Raw Report
392 
393I attended the October 11th Raw taping in Seattle. The show, which drew approximately 8,500, was, like other Northwest events in past years, different from your usual kid-heavy WWE crowd with mostly middle-aged adults in attendance. John Cena and Randy Orton were the only two to get real superstar reactions. Daniel Bryan was very popular being from the area, and Santino was extremely popular as well. The show was fun and the main event angle with Cena and Barrett got over bigger with the live crowd than anything else on the show by a wide margin. They heavily plugged their return in May for Over the Limit.
394 
395Bragging Rights Line-up
396 
397Sunday's PPV from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota has Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett for the WWE Title with John Cena in Barrett's corner doing his bidding; Big Show & Rey Mysterio & Jack Swagger & Alberto Del Rio & Edge & Tyler Reks & Kofi Kingston vs. Miz & Truth & John Morrison & Santino & Sheamus & CM Punk & Ezekiel Jackson in a Raw vs. Smackdown match; one of Laycool vs. Natalya for the Divas Title; Kane vs. Undertaker for the World Title in a Buried Alive match; and Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler in a non-unification champion vs. champion match. No one is buying this show.
398 
399 
400Reviews
401 
402Bryan's Friend Vince's Video Review: Prime Time Wrestling (2/11/91)
403Sent in by our dear friend Jubs, who will hopefully stop sending me harassing PMs now.
404 
405I can’t even explain the intro. They pointed out that they were not from a big league city like Chicago or New York, they were from rinky-dink Connecticut near a bowling alley. Oh God, it’s not the Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan studio version of this show, it’s the one with Vince McMahon and Heenan doing goofball comedy in front of a live crowd of a few dozen people. First of all, WHAT THE HELL WAS VINCE WEARING? I didn’t even know they made chartreuse long-sleeve workout shirts with matching sweatpants. So they told jokes about the queen of England and then Vince scared Bobby with a rubber snake and the crowd laughed uproariously.
406 
407Demolition vs. Tito Santana & Koko B. Ware. Joined in progress. Demolition here was Smash and Crush. There was a lot of flagrant crowd sweetening here. Mr. Fuji low-bridged Santana for the heat, so apparently we didn’t miss much. Sad fact: Brian Adams is the only man here born after 1960, and now he’s the only one dead. Koko got the hot tag and made a comeback, including a top rope dropkick where he landed on his feet. It was not as cool as it sounds, I assure you. The crowd sweetening was also even more amazing here. So then Koko lifted Smash up for a brainbuster, and Crush kicked Koko’s leg, and Smash fell on top of him for the pinfall. The deal with the brainbuster is, while it appears the victim is falling right onto their head, in reality they land on their back and their head barely touches the canvas, if at all. Except in this case, where Smash landed ON HIS FOREHEAD. God, this was brutal. He seemed OK afterward.
408 
409They aired a commercial for a TV special main evented by Hulk Hogan vs. General Adnan. Really.
410 
411Hart Foundation vs. Pete Sanchez & John Martin. YAY! SQUASH MATCH! Pete Sanchez had Dan Severn’s haircut and moustache. Harts were cheered, but still cheated flagrantly. Piper explained they had a match coming up with the Nasty Boys, and they were preparing to “fight terror.” They aired a Nasty Boys inset promo where every guy (including Jimmy Hart) shouted one sentence and then they all cackled. I am so in love with this right now. Harts won with the Hart Attack. Wrestling needs a lot more squash matches these days.
412 
413Back in the studio, they welcomed the MACHO KING RANDY SAVAGE. He made fun of Vince for singing Stand Back and then suggested he was forced to wear his outfit at gunpoint. I got about halfway through this and determined it was so awesome I needed to watch it from the beginning again. They had a throne for him. “AH HA! YEAH!” he declared. “FITS GOOD! I LIKE IT!” Vince suggested Randy would lose his upcoming loser must retire match against the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania and there was a noise from the crowd. “A DISCOURAGING WORD FROM THE AUDIENCE!” Savage roared. “COME ON DOWN HERE AND TALK TO THE MACHO KING!” Vince said “That could happen.” “What,” Savage queried, “they’ll come down here and talk to the Macho King?” Vince said no, you could lose the career match. Savage explained that his career was much higher than Warrior’s, and Warrior needed the match so he’d be able to tell people at age 88 that he lost to the Macho King. They aired clips of Savage’s first WWF match, and the introduction of Miss Elizabeth. Savage said he did not remember picking this woman, whatever her name was. They showed him winning the IC title from Tito Santana. Half a decade later, Vince was still outraged that Savage cheated to win. They aired the finish of Savage-Steamboat from Mania III, with Vince calling it one of the best matches of all time. Savage called the loss a blessing in disguise. He did not use these exact words. What he actually said was “The Macho King in the sky smiled down on me in a reverse type of effect!” They summarized the entire MegaPowers saga. They showed Savage introducing Sherri Martel as his manager on the Brother Love show, then the in-ring coronation after he defeated Jim Duggan to become king of the WWF. Then they showed Savage attacking Warrior during a title defense on Saturday Night’s Main Event, then interfering at Royal Rumble to cost Warrior his title against Sergeant Slaughter.
414 
415After commercial they brought Sherri out. She said she had brought parting gifts for Warrior. The first was a cowbell. Because, Savage explained, Warrior’s going out to pasture. Then Warrior and Sherri and Heenan cackled and the crowd booed. This is all that wrestling was meant to be. The next gift was a towel – because Warrior was all washed up. Heenan was wiping away tears. Next was a telephone, because Warrior was calling it quits. Vince asked what Sherri would do if Savage lost the match. She threw a tantrum and vowed to stand by her man, but said nobody was beating Savage anyway.
416 
417Mr. Perfect vs. a jobber. The victim was never named. He had a mullet and a moustache. I’m sure that helps. Also, Gorilla Monsoon called him a youngster. They aired a Big Bossman inset, wherein he vowed to eliminate the last member of the Heenan Family (Perfect) at Mania and win the IC title. Perfect won with the Perfectplex. I repeat my demand for more squash matches.
418 
419The Viking vs. Brian Costello. Viking was Nord the Barbarian doing a Bruiser Brody gimmick in a silly Halloween costume. It did not get over. Fuji cut an inset promo saying only he could control the Viking. “Boy,” Heenan said about the Viking, “is this man interesting.” Viking then dumped Costello over the top rope to win by countout. That was his finisher. He did that to Randy the Pimp Taylor once and broke his leg. He followed with a pescado into a kneedrop on the floor on Costello. That was fucking dumb.
420 
421Gene Okerlund plugged WWF toys, allegedly from an actual Toys R Us store. He ran into Bossman and asked what he was doing there. Bossman said he was there to apprehend all the lawbreaking action figures and started tossing DiBiase and Savage dolls through the air. Then he cuffed Gene to the shelf and ran away.
422 
423Haku vs. Davey Boy Smith. Sean Mooney calmly explained that Smith had recently added 35 pounds of muscle. Smith then proceeded to bedevil Haku with his agility, doing assorted rolls and leapfrogs and dropkicks. He hit a monkey flip, but when he tried a second one Haku hit an atomic drop for the heat. He hit a piledriver for a nearfall. There was a long sleeperhold spot with more ridiculous sweetening. Davey Boy made his comeback, got cut off, then won with a crucifix. This was the most boring part of the show.
424 
425Back in the studio, Vince had changed into a black-and-white getup, apparently tired of looking like a giant banana on national TV. He brought out Jake Roberts to show off some of his snakes. Jake had some badass snakeskin boots on, because he towered over Vince. I know he’s tall, but he’s not 6-foot-9. Jake began by plugging his upcoming BLINDFOLD MATCH against Rick Martel. He had been making jokes about snakes and weasels, but when Martel’s name came up he got deathly intense and cut a JAKE ROBERTS PROMO. Heenan was standing in the crowd making violin motions. They did this so Jake would have a reason to demand Heenan join them for the snake show, but it really distracted from Jake’s promo. Then Jake showed off a temple viper, several varieties of cobras, and a rattlesnake. He explained these were all very, very deadly. Heenan continued to flip him shit. Roberts eyed him. “It’s obvious you have never been in a fight.” The last was Lucifer, Damian’s big brother. Then they goosed Heenan and he ran off. More to come.
426 
427 
428WCW Nitro (4/27/98)
429In April of 1998 WCW was doing outrageous business. They were selling out show after show, they were destroying WWE in the ratings, they had all the big stars (Ric Flair, Sting, Bret Hart, Goldberg, Hogan), and on and on. And that month I wrote a cover story about how they were in deep trouble if they didn't make some major changes. There were people -- particularly WCW fans -- who thought I was an idiot at the time. Well, three years later WCW was dead. I'm not saying WWE is dead in three years, but WWE has some major problems and in many ways is not doing nearly as well as WCW was doing in the spring of 1998. So there are lessons to be learned from this show.
430 
431Show opened with Macho Man threatening Bret Hart.
432 
433The Nitro Girls came out and danced and were interrupted by Alex Wright, who was quickly carted off by security.
434 
435Out came Randy Savage, who amazingly in 2010 is retired, and Kevin Nash. Savage was remarkably large. Nash did Scott Hall's usual poll. He asked how many people came to see WCW and everyone booed. Then he asked who came to see the NWO. People chanted "NWO!," but then they booed. I hate how every time I type "NWO" Microsoft Word changes it to "NOW." I think I have it fixed now by eliminating autocorrect but that annoyed me since, well, before April of 1998. Anyway, Nash explained why Hall wasn't there. Didn't have a good reason. I presume he'd crashed his 16th car. Nash said Wolfpac was expanding and Savage was the newest member. He said Bret had hit him in the head with a belt, and if there was anything left after Savage got through with him then Nash would pick the bones. Actually, he said, "I'll be your huckleberry," a line from Tombstone many years earlier. Savage said Hogan wasn't there but that was fine. He then said a nonsensical line I could not interpret. Nash was wearing a black t-shirt tucked into his jeans, and his jeans were tucked into his boots. And he had a gut. Nash called out the next new member, Konnan. K-Dogg took a mic, put over both guys, then said Hogan didn't want any of this. They began singing about how much they loved Hogan. This was quite wacky.
436 
437They showed footage of a massive clusterfuck last week where Bret hit Nash with a belt and then put an unconscious Hogan on top of an unconscious Savage for a pinfall.
438 
439Juvie had just been unmasked because Bischoff didn't feel that a masked guy could ever get over. We got a Juvie video package. He didn't have much to say except that he was an Aztec Warrior. Hey, me too. He said Jericho took his mask but he'd never take his pride. "I would never say I Quit!".
440 
441Jericho came out with the Cruiserweight Title and a poster of Dean Malenko. He welcomed us to Monday Night Jericho. He buried Juvie, then interviewed the poster of Malenko. Of course, Dean had nothing to say. People booed. He said he was dedicating this match to Dean. Jericho was overflowing with charisma, slotted, of course, as a midcarder for life. Jericho vs. Chavo. Eddy Guerrero was there with Chavo. That was sad. They had a great two-minute match, then Jericho beat him with a lion tamer. Eddy slapped Chavo afterwards and they got into a huge argument as Jericho egged him on. Eddy also slotted as midcarder for life in WCW.
442 
443They showed Juvie unmasking.
444 
445Clips aired of Rick Steiner legit breaking Buff Bagwell's neck. For those not around, Buff made a miraculous recovery, fought and scratched his way back to WCW, and then they turned him heel. That was an epic fail.
446 
447Announcers were trying to figure out why Bret Hart had done what he'd done last week. Then they talked about Bagwell's neck surgery, and Tony and Bobby talked about it as guys who had both had a procedure done. They said he'd just had surgery and they'd update us the next night.
448 
449Clips aired of Savage bitching about Bret. Is there any wrestling on this show?
450 
451Eric and Hogan came out. This was almost 13 years ago. Brutus Beefcake was there with them. Hogan did a promo saying he would "be it all for the rest of eternity." Hey, he was right about that. Brutus the Bearded Beefcake just stood there behind him. Hulk buried Nash and Savage. Crowd told Hogan he sucked. Hogan said there was nothing left to conquer, no further promoters to break in half. Well, he was wrong about that one. He talked and talked and talked. Much of it was nonsensical. CAN WE GET SOME FUCKING WRESTLING? He said the reason Bret did what he did was because he knew where the power laid, brother. We're just too SWEET~!, he noted.
452 
453They showed a clip of Piper -- RODDY PIPER -- yelling at Bret, then Bret punched him. We're almost an hour into the show and we've had one match that went less than two minutes.
454 
455And then we got SCOTT NORTON VS. GOLDBERG. They had a shockingly good match. Norton worked over his shoulder and gave him his shoulderbreaker, but Goldberg kicked out. Norton tried an armbar but Goldberg wouldn't say uncle. Norton tried another shoulderbreaker but Goldberg powered out, speared him and hit the jackhammer for the pin. They said he was now 77-0. And everyone is well aware of how they fucked his one up.
456 
457Gene interviewed Bret Hart. Four minutes of wrestling in the first hour. What a coincidence to review this on this particular week. Bret said there was no room for guilt or innocence in wrestling, and that the business was a terrible place where good men died like dogs. He said Savage had talked about him for years but never had the guts to step into the ring with him. He said Savage was half troll and half lizard and didn't have what it took to beat him. Okerlund asked, "Why Bret why?" Bret said he was sick of hearing that. He said what he wanted to say to Hogan was something that would have to wait until tomorrow night.
458 
459Show was monstrously boring. And keep in mind this was at the company's business peak. I should note that on the other channel this same evening, DX was attempting to invade WCW in an angle that has become legendary. People will try to defend this show saying it was an aberration, only an hour long, and that the usual two-hour Impact was scheduled for the next night. I'm not sure how that defends this show in any way. It was still head-to-head with Raw in the normal time slot. What would be the purpose of intentionally booking a boring show?
460 
461 
462WWE Madison Square Garden (6/17/84)
463Rocky Johnson & Tito Santana vs. Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch from June 17, 1984. I had just turned 9. Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund did commentary. It was funny watching Johnson work because Rock moved exactly like him 15 years later. Adonis looked remarkably like Husky Harris. Tito was Intercontinental Champion at the time. Very good basic tag team action. Tito did some highspots early, then got cut off. They kept Johnson on the apron for most of the match. There were some rowdy fans here, throwing shit at the ring throughout the match. Santana took a slam on the cement outside. You should have seen him sell this. He acted like he might very well have to retire, and Rocky ran over there to try to help him with a back massage. Keep in mind that on the last WWE PPV John Morrison took a skull crushing finale on cement -- head-first, mind you -- and he was on his feet 30 seconds later climbing a lighting stand to do a high spot. That is why nobody gives a fuck nowadays. They're watching cartoons, not faux sporting events for which it's fun to suspend your disbelief. Murdoch gave Santana some elbows to the throat behind the ref's back, so Johnson ran over to massage him again. This Johnson is quite the rubber. Referee was Joey Marella, Monsoon's son who ended up dying in a car wreck. Heels hit a combo backbreaker on Tito but Tito kicked out and swearing erupted. Tito finally got desperate and did a series of sit-outs and rolls leading to the hot tag. ROCKY JOHNSON THEN WENT APESHIT. He vaulted into the ring, did a wild dance, shook and shimmied and threw punches as the place went nuts. It was like the best hot tag I've seen in years. Broke down into a four-way. Babyfaces threw the heels towards each other and Murdoch could not help but backdrop his partner as they raced at each other. Murdoch took a bump outside and then Rocky hit Adonis with the most horrendous splash in history for the pin. Then a graphic on the screen said, "Rocky Johnson, Tito Santana, WINNERS." I nearly wept. HOT DAMN THIS WAS GREAT.
464 
465 
466World Class Championship Wrestling (11/5/83)
467Popular Mike Reed vs. "Blackie Gordman." Gordman was 47 here but looked ten years older. He was wearing a red singlet with red tights and black trunks. He was pretty amazing in a lot of ways. I would have killed to have had a match with him. Reed was a generic early '80s pro wrestler. Gordman worked him over with leg holds. During the heat he yelled, and I quote, "Mexican, shut up!" Yes, Victor Manuel Barajas told a Mexican in the crowd to shut up. Gordman, who may have invented the DDT in the mid-'70s in Texas, once worked, as a trivia note, as Asian Terror #1. Popular Mike Reed did a comeback and then Gordman did a pasado, which is basically a side-step, and Reed fell on his face like a complete fool. So Gordman pinned him with his DDT. I still loved everything about this.
468 
469Princess Victoria vs. The Very Capable Judy Martin. Martin was, in fact, pretty damn capable. These two weren't nearly as athletic as even some of the girls like Kelly Kelly, but as far as being able to perform a competent wrestling match, they were very good. Judy was also a great heel. It was so weird to watch a wrestling TV show where 95 percent of the show was wrestling. You'd have to go back to like Lita vs. Trish Stratus in 2004 to see a women's match this length on free TV. Or even PPV for that matter. It went on forever. It was never horrible but it wasn't all that exciting until Victoria made a big comeback. People were into it. She hit a high cross out of nowhere for the pin and the people went apeshit. No post-match attack by the heel to "get her heat back," nothing. PRO WRESTLING.
470 
471We got a Kevin Von Erich video package. Not sure what the original music was but they edited in something that strongly resembled a '70s porn theme. It was footage of him being kissed by girls on the way to the ring, doing matches, and leaping high into the air. Then it ended.
472 
473Junk Yard Dog vs. Kimala. Not making this match up. It was as awesomely horrible as you'd imagine. I fought a lot about whether to use "horribly awesome" or "awesomely horrible." They did a long-ass choking battle, then Dog went for a SLEEP HOLD. Kamala fought back with a DOUBLE TIT HOLD. Dog finally took a bump and Kimala did his splash, but Dog kicked out. Akbar tied up the Dog, but Junkyard yanked him into the ring and started choking him. This was a DQ. Wow, rules in wrestling. Kimala chopped Dog, then went for a second one but Dog ducked and Akbar took the shot. Place went nuts. Great pro-wrestling action this was.
474 
475Wait there's more! Chris Adams & Johnny Mantell vs. Terry Gordy & Michael Hayes. Mantell was laid out immediately with the ORIENTAL SPIKE. Fans chanted "GO HOME FREEBIRDS!" This was something else. Mantell was stretchered out so Adams could either forfeit the match or take them both on. He chose to FIGHT~! He immediately fired up and ran wild on Hayes, which caused Hayes to run for his life and leap into Gordy's arms. Adams then ran wild on Gordy, which caused the announcers to say he was "winning on both of them." Heels eventually cut him off, but then down came Kevin Von Erich. The ref told him if he wanted to take Mantell's place he'd have to stand in the corner. Girls were screaming at the top of their lungs. So he got the hot tag and ran wild, then pinned Hayes with a sunset flip. What awesome pro-wrestling.
476 
477Show ended with Gordy cutting a promo for the Freebirds vs. Von Erichs match next week. Not much to it, quite frankly. Still one of the better pro-wrestling shows I've seen in a while.
478 
479 
480Impact (10/14/10)
481Show opened with storyline. Dixie's attorney, who must be her real attorney because he can't act a lick, came out and said Bischoff had Dixie sign a contract under false pretenses. They didn't explain what the contract was, they presume we know. And this is what everyone figured going in. So the guy made a valid legal argument, that Dixie thought she was signing something else so it didn't count. Bischoff said no, she signed it on national TV and millions of people saw it. This argument actually helped Dixie since millions of people saw her sign something she thought was something else. Anyway, the lawyer gave up just like that and said he'd see Eric later. Can't wait to see how they explain this long-term. So after the segment, announcers said that Dixie had signed over the majority of her shares to Bischoff, so she's no longer President. They didn't say who was President now. Hogan and Eric came out. Hogan was on crutches. He got a fair amount of heat. He did a promo welcoming everyone to his company. He said he and Eric decided enough of the gaga, it was time to take what was theirs. He wanted to know where Dixie was hiding. By the way, in the fucking irony of ironies, Dixie on her Twitter after the show said the Hogan and Eric had killed one company and they weren't going to kill hers. She really said this. Awesome. Hogan said Dixie conned him into coming in, but then she wouldn't listen to any of his ideas. So he just grabbed everything that was promised to him. With us at the helm, he said, this company would live together. He said this wasn't just a hostile takeover, it was a work of art. Monet, he said, would never have come up with this. Yeah, no shit. Bischoff said let's take them through this master plan. This should be good. He tried to explain that Abyss didn't really turn on Hulk after Hulk gave him the Hall of Fame ring, it was all a work. Out came Abyss. He did a promo saying none of the stupid sheep believed him when he said they were coming on 10/10/10. I believed him. I even knew who THEY were. Well, two of them. I should have known Jeff, just by predicting who the absolute dumbest choice for business would be. Who am I kidding? Nothing they do will affect business one way or another. That's why I really don't care all that much. Hogan told Abyss that he was his son and would live forever. Next they called out Jeff Jarrett. He ranted about how Dixie took a company he founded right out from underneath his nose. He said she used daddy's money to do it. Jarrett used daddy's money too and burned through it in three months and would have been out of business had Dixie not come in with her daddy's money. He said now, years later, they gave the Carter family exactly what they deserved. Fortune was out next. Flair cut a promo and teased turning on Hogan, basically saying that either he left TNA or Hogan did. Hogan challenged him to a fight. Yes, with his broken back. Then, of course, they hugged. The heels all laughed. "SUCKER!" someone was screaming. Yes, we are suckers for not seeing another stupid swerve coming. Flair said he was going to wake up every day and love Hulk more than anything he'd ever loved, including his five ex-wives, all of whom he said could kiss his ass. And finally, out came Jeff Hardy. Fans chanted "YOU SOLD OUT!" Jeff said he didn't sell out, he sold in. He said he didn't care about popularity. He blamed the fans, he said, for his pain, their greed for his anger. He said he had herniated discs and pinched nerves, and it was all the fault of the fans. These men, he said, care about him, his well-being, his future. He said RVD was an asshole, just another politician. He said he never played that game, never would. There were people chanting "HARDY!" He said he was the whole f'n reason Abyss destroyed RVD. This group was immortal, he said, and would live forever. Nash and Sting were watching on backstage. Bischoff invited them down. After commercial, out they came. Tenay said these guys had been trying to tell the world what was going on for months but "DAMMIT NO ONE WOULD LISTEN!" Really? They didn't tell anyone anything. They spoke in fucking code the entire time. Nash did a wacky promo saying his career had always been about money. He said he'd have taken the roof over someone's head if need be. But as he got older, he said, he got wiser. The Bible, he said, said gray hair was the sign of wisdom. With wisdom came compassion, he said. Those guys in the back that he'd have taken every dollar from in the past, they were his friends now. He said he was going to pass on the money, he wanted nothing to do with them, and if they wanted to run the company into the ground they could do it without him. Sting said he loved TNA, this was a no-win situation, and he wasn't going to repeat history again. So the answer was no. They both walked out. People clapped.
482 
483Backstage, Pope was demanding to know what was going on with Nash and Sting. The audio was awful so I'm not entirely sure what Nash said. I think Nash told him he didn't have to say. Pope said he was going to stay and continue to fight the good fight. Then Dixie walked up and had to ACT. The camera was all shaky and you could hardly hear a word she said either. Then Hogan and Eric walked up. She went nuts and slapped Eric, then she demanded Hogan look in her eyes and tell her he screwed her. Hogan said if she wanted to have this conversation they could have it in his office.
484 
485So after commercial we got the big meeting. Dixie was screaming at Hogan and Eric. She also said, and I quote, "God DANG IT!" Hogan said yes, he screwed her. She wanted to know why. He said time and time again he tried to get to her -- anyway, I gave up at this point. Everyone was screaming at each other. Long story short, Dixie was mad and Hogan and Eric told her it was their company. She tried to have Gunner and Murphy -- GUNNER AND MURPHY -- take Hogan and Bischoff out of her office, but Hogan said this was his office and had Gunner and Murphy take her away. There was a scuffle and in the middle of it SERGE went down. SERGE. That's her husband. He was on TV one time and was never mentioned again. Anyway, not only did Hogan and Eric steal the company under blatant false pretenses, but now they can have people assaulted. Serge should just sue TNA for everything their worth. I'm overthinking this. By spending 2 seconds thinking, by the way.
486 
487Madison came out with a ref. She said Tara had spoiled her plan at the PPV, the plan to become a three-time champion. She said Tara had her to thank for having her job back in TNA. She called her out and demanded she lay down so she could win her title back. So Tara did it. Madison then did a promo acting like she'd won the Divas title in a 20-minute WrestleMania main event. As she was thanking her mom and such, out came Mickie James. She said this was disgraceful. Clearly she hasn't seen the TNA Knockouts Title history. Mickie hit the ring and Madison told Tara to GET HER. Tara failed, then Madison bailed and ran for her life.
488 
489Jwoww met with the Beautiful People, who were, of course, getting their make-up did. She said she was looking for a bitch named Cookie. The hunt was on.
490 
491After commercial they were backstage looking for her. Eric Young showed up and acted like an idiot. "Who is this guy?" Jwoww asked. This was a hideous segment. The real Jersey Shore started right here.
492 
493Out came Kurt Angle. Over an hour into the show and not a single legit wrestling match yet. He said he wanted to know why Hogan did what he did. He said he didn't win the title at the PPV but he also didn't get pinned. Out came Jarrett. He said Angle never said anything about not getting pinned or getting screwed. All he had said was that if he didn't win the title he'd retire. So retire, he said. He made some off-handed comment about Kurt's ex-wife, and said Kurt had made his life a living hell from day one. So Kurt said, "First off, you can have that bitch." Nice. He said he wanted to know how he made Jeff's life a living hell. "How, why? By putting TNA on the map? I did that?" He said he talked up the company every chance he had and taught the rookies everything he knew. He said Jarrett won a million belts before Angle showed up because he held everyone down. Anyway, a bunch of shit happened. It was too much for me to try to process. Long story short, Angle went after Jarrett, GUNNER AND MURPHY beat him up, Jarrett hurt Kurt's neck, then Taz came out and told Jarrett to back off. "He's got a fucked-up neck!" Taz said. Jarrett backed off from the announcer who is never going to wrestle again. ONE HOUR AND TEN FUCKING MINUTES WITHOUT A WRESTLING MATCH. FUCK OFF, SHOW.
494 
495More no wrestling. They re-aired a fucking replay of the Jarrett/Angle thing, then we got a promo from an angry Samoa Joe walking down the street. Didn't pay attention to this, sorry. Totally numbed.
496 
497Abyss vs. Joe. Hour and fifteen minutes into the show. I thought Joe was out on the street. I guess that was taped earlier. So yeah, Nash pinned Joe on PPV and then left the company. Fabulous. They went like two minutes, Joe ran wild, then Abyss hit him with the ring bell for the DQ. RULES NOW! Joe bled. Of course. Abyss went after him afterwards but RVD made the save. Tenay said there were -- this is a real quote -- BAD FEELINGS between Abyss and RVD of late. So then, of course, RVD saved Joe and then Joe just bailed on him. What an unlikeable character. RVD called out Jeff next. MORE FUCKING TALKING. This couldn't be a fucking MONTH'S WORTH OF PROGRAMMING? It all had to take place TONIGHT? Jeff appeared on the big screen and philosophized. I predict massive tune-out around this point because I'm totally out of patience personally. So then out came Eric. He said that he'd give RVD a shot at Jeff Hardy, but only if RVD could beat Mr. Anderson tonight. The winner, he said, got Jeff. RVD wanted to wrestle right now. But Bischoff told him to wait.
498 
499Bischoff had a lewd meeting with Miss Tessmacher, but then turned on her and told her she was easy. He called her every nasty name in the book, all of which were at least bleeped. He said by blabbing to Nash and Pope she almost ruined his plans. He said they were through and if she wanted to stay around she needed to put on the tights and the boots and get in the ring. HOLY FUCK. He told her to get her 38 DDs out of her. That line was the one that set her off. Not the lines about her being a bitch and a whore, but when he mentioned the legit size of her breasts, she could take no more. This sucked all the cocks she supposedly sucked in storyline. Anderson then showed up and shook Bischoff's hand really hard, I guess to prove he was an asshole. Or something. How many fucking words have I written about this show so far? Let me check. Son of a bitch, 2,034. And still another thirty minutes. What overwritten bullshit.
500 
501Pope versus Fortune in a five-on-one match. Why is this being booked? It actually ended up being a pretty good match, especially Pope's comeback at the end when he ran wild on all five guys. But then he was pinned. To be honest, as fun as it was, it was kind of a burial of Fortune that it took that much effort to beat one dude. It wasn't like it was a normal handicap match. It was one against FIVE. Anyway.
502 
503Shore came out. Keep in mind this was their second appearance ever on Impact. They noted that they were on at the same time as the real Jersey Shore. Sorry, they said, but after they debuted on Impact last week, nobody wanted to watch Jersey Shore, they wanted to watch the two of them. They were getting serious go-away heat and "BORING!" chants. Cookie buried Jwoww, and what a coincidence, out they came. Cookie told her to take her fake weave, her fake nails and her fake boobs and crawl back into the hole she came out of. She called her a bitch and slapped her. Jwoww tackled her and they had a catfight. Robbie E. went down. No idea how. The girls had awful timing and the camera missed it. So Jwoww beat her up and tossed her outside, and that was the end of the segment. Yeah, that was the entire thing. They spent $15,000 on that. Wow. That has to be the end of the Shore gimmick because that was as complete a burial as you'll ever see. They didn't even act annoying for like a month, or three months, or six months. They were annoying for one show, then a Jersey Shore chick showed up and made the both look like fools. Stupidest show in history.
504 
505They showed a bunch of recaps from earlier this evening.
506 
507RVD vs. Anderson. Show ended right when the match started. My DVR is set 10 minutes over, I refuse to give Impact any more time than that. RVD made a big comeback and tripped right over Anderson as he was taking a bump. Fucking hilarious. In some ways, RVD and Mr. Anderson together in the same ring is a dream match. Bischoff came out and told the ref to follow him. They walked away. Then my DVR went out. And we're finished. We'll see if they tell us what happened next week. I'd guess not. I do not give a FUCK.
508 
509 
510Smackdown (10/18/10)
511Green Day opening up Smackdown is so wacky.
512 
513Show was from the Rose Garden in Portland, Ore. They were showing the outside of the building, then they zoomed in and who was standing up there by the parking garage ramp but Undertaker. Well, that's what they said. On the big screen in HD it looked like a man with a mask on. Todd Grisham said, and I quote, "We don't know what's going through the mind of the Dead Man right now." Well, presumably nothing.
514 
515Teddy Long was in the ring bebopping. He said it was that time of year again -- not Christmas, but Bragging Rights. That's definitely not Christmas. He said Smackdown won last year and we already knew six of the men for Team Raw. He said Smackdown already had a captain, Big Show, and tonight we'd find out who was going to team with him via a series of qualifying matches.
516 
517Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes. Rey went for the 619 early but Cody went outside and said, a ha, my face, protected! After commercial he was back working over the little bugger. Rey had gone for a springboard and ate an enzuigiri in mid-air. They botched a wheelbarrow spot but managed to save it, with Cody pounding on him and then turning it into a big suplex. That was great. Cody missed a double kneedrop off the top and Rey made his big comeback. Lots of good nearfalls, then Rey hit the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin. Very good TV match. Smackdown is on a roll of late in terms of quality in-ring action. So Rey is on Team Smackdown.
518 
519Kaval met with Big Show and the midget backstage. The midget stood on a bench and they shot all of them from the waist up so the midget was actually taller than Kaval. Really. So Kaval said he wanted to be on the team. Show said he was new here. Kaval said he was experienced and could contribute to the team. He said everyone started off slow. "I mean, what did you do your first match?" Show noted he'd won the World Heavyweight Title. Show said listen, I need a seasoned veteran. Kaval was upset, thinking Show felt he was too small. Show said listen, I'm a big, seasoned veteran and you wouldn't last five minutes in the ring with me. Kaval said fine, let's make a bet, you and me tonight, and if I can last five minutes with you I'm on the team. Show said fine, let's do it.
520 
521Paul Bearer cut a pre-taped promo backstage. More cornball scary music. I will say, that when they add goofy music and such to pre-taped promos, I'm fine with it. Pre-taped stuff can have music edited in. No problem. It's the goofy music during the live segments that is insufferable. Anyway, Paul cut a promo talking about how Undertaker's doom was at hand, and basically issuing a challenge for a Buried Alive match between Taker and Kane at Bragging Rights. Paul is, in the words of Abdullah the Butcher, A PROFESSIONAL, and is awesome at what he does. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I assume Bryan meant to say "in the words of the Iron Shiek," but Abdullah, a mute character, is much funnier, so I'm leaving it in. –Vince).
522 
523Jack Swagger with the Swagger Soaring Eagle vs. MVP in a Bragging Rights qualifier. The Eagle gets goofier every week. I suspect the Eagle lasts through the Philly show at the end of November. Obviously, an Eagle would be over in the home of the Philadelphia Eagles, so that's the show where Swagger has to turn on the bird. MVP hit the ballin elbow about a minute in, but Swagger rolled outside. MVP went after him and the Eagle blocked his way. So MVP beat the shit out of the bird, booting him and tossing him over the announcer's table. The announcers were largely completely unconcerned. "You OK, Eagle?" asked Cole. Swagger then jumped MVP from behind, threw him into the ring and put him in the ankle lock for the submission. MVP, total jobber.
524 
525Alberto del Rio vs. Chris Masters in a Bragging Rights qualifier. Masters' first big move was a jackhammer, Goldberg's old finisher, and Alberto kicked out at one. He tried the Masterlock but Alberto got the ropes, then snapped Masters' arm over the top rope. Masters made a comeback and went for the move again, but Alberto turned it into a wacky armbreaker, then put him in the flying armbar for the submission. Alberto did a great job with the guy all things considered. Add Alberto to Team Smackdown. Show offered a handshake afterwards, but Alberto refused and just smiled at him.
526 
527Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler in a Bragging Rights qualifier. I totally forgot Edge was a babyface. That's what happens when there is no turn, a guy just starts getting booked as a babyface when he'd been a heel for months. Show, I should note, was doing commentary for all of these matches, both because he's team captain and also because they were trying to push his movie (which, by the way, is why he was team captain). He had pretty much zero tolerance for Matt Stryker's bullshit. They showed Vickie and Kaitlyn watching backstage. Kaitlyn was wearing an all-time great outfit in WWE history so we only saw her for like two seconds. BULL SHIT. I wish Dolph would stop killing himself in the ring. He's a good worker and could get over just as big without taking stupid bumps all over the place. Dolph gave Edge a zig zag into the steps. They played it up like a certain count-out but Edge was back in at nine. Really good match, tons of back and forth spots at the finish. Dolph tried a zig zag in the ring but Edge grabbed the ropes. Place was going nuts for the spear. Dolph leapfrogged him, then tried a dive off the top but got speared in midair for the pin. Another champion, made to look like a chump.
528 
529Undertaker was overlooking Portland. Stryker did the most overdramatic Edgar Allan Poe-style speech asking fans what Taker's future held. The answer, undramatically, is a PPV match.
530 
531Show vs. Kaval in a five-minute challenge. Show beat on him forever. Well, forever meaning about four minutes. Kaval finally made a big comeback and ran wild with about 15 seconds left. Suddenly, Show caught him in mid-move by the throat and started to hoist him up for the chokeslam. Before he could finish the move the time limit expired. Show gave him a begrudging look of respect, then shook his hand and invited him onto the team. Everyone was happy. But then they went to commercial and when they came back Kaval was still in the ring. Angle alert. Out came a man with braids. He said he was Tyler Reks, Kaval was a joke, and if anyone deserved a spot on Team WWE Raw at Bragging Rights, it was him. He said he could beat giants and he knew he could beat Kaval. This was every generic WWE promo ever written. Teddy Long came out and said he couldn't let Tyler do this since Kaval had just gone five minutes with Big Show. "I don't think he's up to it!" Kaval told Teddy thanks, but said he didn't back down from anyone and if Tyler wanted his spot he could come get it. So Tyler went and got it with a burning hammer into a DDT. Yup, Tyler Recks is on Bragging Rights. I'm sure Vince McMahon is cackling. He won't be cackling when his Bragging Rights buyrate comes in. Cole said Kaval needed to get his ego in check.
532 
533Cody told us to file our nails.
534 
535Drew vs. Kofi for the final Bragging Rights spot. Here's a match we haven't seen a million times. Kofi ran wild until trying a Stinger splash into the corner, at which point Drew booted him right in the face and nearly killed him. Cole totally marked out. It was fantastic. Kofi sold for a few minutes and then suddenly hit his wacky kick out of nowhere for the pin. The kick looked great and Drew took an awesome bump. This was not only painless but very fun.
536 
537Kane and Paul Bearer came out. Kane did his usual promo, thankfully not accompanied by any wacky music. He said Undertaker was now a pathetic shell of his former self and he (Kane) was now the superior not only to his brother but also to all the fans. The fans, he said, failed at everything, just like Undertaker failed at his quest to win the title. He said Taker had failed twice now and would fail again at Bragging Rights. The two failures do beg the question why he's getting a third title match in a row. He vowed to bury Taker alive. "UNDERTAKER!" the people chanted. This got a shocking amount of heat, so clearly none of these fans saw their last match. Out came Taker. He got in the ring and stomped a mudhole in Kane. Paul quickly -- well, not so quickly -- fled the ring. Taker sent Kane outside as smoke rose around the ring, then set off Kane's pyro on his own. Paul's reaction to this was awesome. I should note that earlier, when Taker was entering, he stood on the steps and bowed his head directly above Kane's pyro gun. I mean, don't ever fucking do that again, dude. People get blown up doing shit like that, and in fact, Taker himself got lit on fire by an accidental pyro accident once. NEVER LOOK DOWN THE MUZZLE OF A LOADED GUN, EVEN A PYRO GUN. So yeah, that was infuriating. Show ended with him calling down lightning to strike the stage by Kane. People loved this and the rating grew for the third straight week, finishing at a 1.9, so whatever works.
538 
539 
540UFC 120 (10/16/10)
541Cyrille Diabate vs. Alexander Gustafsson. Gustafson beat the living piss out of the guy for the entire first round. I mean, he pounded on this poor fool. An easy 10-9 round, perhaps even 10-8. The violent beating continued in round two. Not only was Diabate getting destroyed but he was bleeding all over like a stuck pig. Gustafson went for a choke twice, finally getting it with several minutes left in the second. A manhandling.
542 
543Cheick Kongo vs. Travis Browne. Browne was throwing these wild swings that missed by miles. He was dancing around with his hands down, which didn't look promising. He was swinging so big that he was throwing himself off balance. All that said, every time they engaged Browne caught him. He grabbed him in a Muay Thai clinch and landed heard knees. Rogan was shocked that Kongo could not manage to find openings. 10-9 Browne. Brown was much larger. Apparently between rounds Kongo's corner said listen, dude, the guy's hands are down, punch him in the face. So that's what Kongo started doing. He also kneed him in the balls on accident. Then he got a poke in the eye. What a fight. People went nuts every time Kongo hit something. Browne was eating a lot of leg kicks and was limping. He got a takedown with one second left in the round. I'd say 10-9 Kongo. Fight not lighting the world on fire though. Third round went all to hell. Cheick kept grabbing the shorts. Ref was like, stop grabbing the damn shorts. Cheick kept grabbing. So finally the ref stopped the action and deducted a full point. It gets better. Cheick bulled him into the corner and, yes, grabbed the trunks again. But this time he was grabbing them where the ref couldn't see it. No joking. He was CHEATING BEHIND THE REFEREE'S BACK. Rogan was going nuts and the camera guy was actually zooming in to show this. Browne took him down with five seconds left. THIS. FIGHT. SUCKED. A. COCK. Browne gets the round 10-8 with the point deduction and thus the fight, 29-27. Somehow the judges scored it 28-28, making it a draw. That was the deepthroat right there.
544 
545John Hathaway vs. Mike Pyle. Hathaway was a Brit and was beloved. Pyle got a takedown but Hathaway reversed it. Back on the feet Pyle started catching him with shots. Pyle worked him over and took him down with essentially an STO with a few seconds left. 10-9 Pyle. The beating continued in the second. Hathaway started playing the Nick Diaz game, where you throw a thousand weak punches in succession just trying to make contact as many times as possible. For his troubles he got taken down, mounted and triangled from the top. It wasn't a triangle where you could get a submission, so Pyle just proceeded to punch him repeatedly in his head for like two minutes. Hathaway was like completely trapped. To me, this was 10-8 domination. I mean, Hathaway was HELPLESS. Hathaway tried the most telegraphed shoot in history in the second. This was not the same guy that destroyed Diego Sanchez. Pyle took him down again. Hathaway was trying desperately to stand up but it wasn't happening. Pyle passed to half guard and mauled him. Pyle looked like he'd finished a sparring session afterwards. 30-26 for the American. Sucks to be the UK. All three judges scored it 30-27.
546 
547Paul Sass vs. Mark Holst. Sass tried an uma plata immediately. Didn't get it. He was going for one sub after another on the ground. Holst got him down and they had a wild scramble on the ground. Sass almost got a heel hook. Almost too much action to call. Sass went for a triangle armbar with 20 seconds left and got it. Sass was a hell of a submission guy. Good stuff here.
548 
549Rogan interviewed Cain via satellite. Cain said things were great and he was ready to go. Cain must have been super nervous because he was much worse here than he's been on the Countdown specials. He was stumbling over his words and didn't have much to say. Hey, at least they interviewed the guy in the main event of the next show, something Strikeforce hasn't done half the time. Joe was trying his hardest to push the fight, but he was working harder than Brock's had to do so far.
550 
551Dan Hardy vs. Carlos Condit. The pre-fight promos for this featured some awesome trash-talking. Hardy, obviously, was beloved. They exchanged hard leg kicks early. We got a four-minute kickboxing battle, then Condit caught him with a shot, knocking him on his ass. Hardy was out of it but the ref didn't stop it, so Condit killed him with two extra shots on the ground. Brutality. This is like WCW booking Ric Flair in the Carolinas here. They showed a replay and it was actually a double punch spot, but Condit's punch was harder and in a better spot. Fans booed him like crazy during his post-match promo. He said he felt great. "I love you guys even though you're booing me!" He said his plan was to stand with him for three rounds if need be, but he was comfortable anywhere. Hardy was classy in defeat but you knew he was heartbroken. He said you win some you lose some, and tonight he lost. "Next time!" he said.
552 
553Time for the Brock interview. His beard gets better by the day. Rogan called him "Mister" and "Sir." With the beard he looks like a great king, SIR BROCK LESNAR. He noted that Cain was a smaller wrestler, and through his career he hadn't had much of a problem with guys like that. LOUL. Brock is so great. He vowed to make Cain "uncomfortable." He said he learned from the Carwin fight that "I can take an ass-whooping." He said every day he learned and expanded his game. It's been fun, he said, never a dull moment.
554 
555Michael Bisping vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama. Akiyama rocked him in the very first shot of the fight. He didn't follow up, though, so Bisping recovered. Rogan was noting that Bisping was both backing up and moving to the left, which was the exact same thing he was doing when Henderson knocked him out. In a weird moment, Akiyama said he'd gotten caught in the balls and the ref actually said, no you didn't, FIGHT! Fascinating. Akiyama then accidentally hit him in the balls. Bisping said it was OK, they shook hands, then Bisping actually put both hands down and bowed. If that wasn't bad enough, they had a flurry with a minute left in the round and when it was over both guys smiled at each other and touched gloves. That was infuriating. I don't even know who won that round. It was mostly grab-assing. If a gun was put to my head, 10-9 Akiyama. It started to become a fight in the second, but then Bisping got poked in the eye. He recovered fast. Bisping started landing a lot of shots. Akiyama took it to him at the end of the second, but too little too late. 10-9 Bisping. Bisping rocked him with a flurry early in the third. Tough first round but he was totally on his game here. Bisping then dropped him with a shot to the pills. Akiyama got aggressive at this point, but again, too little too late. Bisping was also staying on him. Pretty dominant performance for Bisping here, 10-9, so 29-28 Bisping. They were completely out of time so they edited the hell out of his interview and went off the air. This was all right, far from the best UFC of all time.
556 
557 
558ROH on HDNet (10/18/10)
559Clips aired of the rise and fall of Tyler Black's title reign.
560 
561Cornette opened up the show saying right before this program went on the air there was an altercation between Davey Richards and Tyler Black backstage and he had clips. Davey was challenging him to one last match before he went up North. Tyler showed up and told him to tell him to his face. They had a pull-apart. Hey, there's Kevin Kelly. Back in the ring, Cornette said Davey wanted to talk to Tyler face-to-face so he was going to let that happen right now. Both guys came out. Davey told him he could go wherever he wanted to go to make the almighty dollar, all he asked was for him to be a man and give him one last match before he left. Fans chanted "YOU SOLD OUT!" Tyler said he knew Davey had been offered the same opportunities he had, and he didn't understand why he turned down cash for competition. He said he respected that, as stupid as he felt it was. In three years, he said, if Davey was still walking the fans might call him the best wrestler in the world, but he, Tyler Black, would be the richest wrestler in the world. Not sure about that one. Davey said if it was all about the almighty dollar, he wanted to know how much he'd have to pay for Tyler to stop being such a bitch. They had a pull-apart and Tyler grabbed the mic and said listen, fucker, I already got my deal so if you want it I'll wrestle you tonight for free. Dudes tore them apart and Cornette commanded the guys in the truck to kill some time with video packages so Tyler could get his gear on. The entire show is yours to hash this out, he screamed. A great opening segment.
562 
563The videos aired. If you've been watching the product you've seen these several times. Started out with the personality profiles where both guys talked about their passion for the company and the sacrifices they made to get to where they were today.
564 
565The Hog told me to tweet my friends and tell them to watch the show. The funny thing is that I was getting emails during this show telling me to make sure I watched it.
566 
567Hero and Claudio cut a promo burying the Briscoes. Kyle Durden then interviewed Briscoes backstage. It was outstanding. I'm not entirely sure what they said, but I know that they're really pissed off about the Kings of Wrestling beating up their dad and now they want to whip their ass, and that's all I need to know.
568 
569Davey vs. Tyler. Tyler sent him outside and wiped him out with a flip dive early. As they fought outside the ring Hog said that they had some STANDBY MATCHES~! waiting in the wings in case this ended early. It really hit me during this main event how incompetent the TNA writing team is. I mean, they can't even succeed at the most basic task for which they are charged, that being to make you excited for the TV main event. I mean, when you fucking fail at THAT, get out of the way and let someone with a clue in. Davey started his comeback and did his flip dive through the ropes, nearly killing both of them. I don't know what happened but he essentially headbutted him in mid-move and didn't overshoot into the crowd like usual, but rather ended up stopped dead in his tracks and fell down nearly face-first onto the pretty black mats. Brutal. He hit an enzuigiri for a nearfall and the crowd chanted "THIS IS AWESOME!" Davey put him in the cloverleaf but Tyler got the ropes. Davey gave him a super German off the top but Tyler flipped over and landed on his feet. They traded a series of kicks, then Davey laid him out with a lariat for a double-down in a Japanese-style spot. Davey killed him with kicks and gave him a draping DDT on the apron. Announcers noted that this was likely Tyler's last night under that name. They were right. Tyler hit a superkick and God's last gift but Davey kicked out. Tyler hit a coast to coast for another nearfall. It was funny because the fans didn't count along or anything for Tyler's nearfalls, not believing he'd beat Davey in his last match in, but then when Davey would kick out they'd go nuts. He tried the Phoenix but Davey got his knees up. Davey tried a God's last gift of his own but Tyler kicked out, so Davey put him in the cloverleaf for the submission. Huge pop for the finish. This was the best free TV match from any company in a long time. (****1/4).
570 
571Show ended with the Hog and Prazak wishing Tyler the best in his future endeavors. Davey was not so kind, telling Tyler to go up North and tell the boys that if they wanted real wrestling they could come to Philly to compete in Ring of Honor. Great show, and next week it's Briscoes vs. Kings of Wrestling in what they're billing as the Briscoes' last chance at the tag titles.
572 
573 
574Raw in Calgary (10/18/10)
575Show opened with Teddy Long coming out. He said don't adjust your sets, I'm here tonight and I'm taking over Raw. Cue the GM, and also a shit-eating grin by Michael Cole. He said Teddy needed to get out of his ring because he had no business being there. Teddy said hold on a second, Sunday is Bragging Rights. He had a ref bring out the trophy, which I'm almost positive was a different trophy from last year. It looked like a higher-end steel trash can. Teddy said they won the trophy last year and laid the smackdown on all the Raw superstars. GM told him to get out of the ring or else. Teddy said, "You're not threatening me, are you dog?" He said he'd show the GM some "or else". He got to arguing with Cole. The GM kept dinging but Teddy wouldn't let Cole read the emails. Teddy got on the podium and said the GM had an announcement. "Right now the Raw GM is going to be disconnected." And he shut off the computer. He called out his team one by one starting with Big Show. Cole was screaming at Teddy to go home to Smackdown. Miz was out next as captain of Team Raw. He said the Smackdown guys all looked like Smurfs in their blue shirts. He said he was the man who would lead Raw to victory. It was hilarious with him talking about the big stakes here, you know, the fact that they get the trash can. Out came Team Raw. I should note that Ezekiel Jackson is back and taking the place of Mark Henry, who was supposed to be the final man but whose brother had a stroke. Miz just said Jackson was his personal pick. Miz told Team Smackdown to get out of their ring or they were going to make them get out. Smackdown didn't leave so Raw hit the ring and the brawl was on. Yes, they started brawling. Right here. For free. On Raw. For no good reason. Didn't get much of a reaction. Team Raw bailed, then Show challenged Miz to a captain vs. captain match later tonight.
576 
577Harts vs. Drew McIntyre & Cody Rhodes. Heels worked over Tyson. Harry got the hot tag and made a classic babyface comeback. Of course, it's their hometown so they had to beat the Harts and make them look like idiots. Tyson told Harry to set up the Hart attack. Harry, instead, tried the sharpshooter. Tyson yelled at him, they argued back and forth, then Drew clipped Harry's leg and pinned him with the DDT. Harts argued back and forth and this week it looked like Tyson was the one they're turning heel.
578 
579Orton met with Cena backstage. He told him that if he got in his way Sunday he'd have no problem kicking him in the skull and putting him out of his misery. Cena said if Randy even tried to boot him he'd break his foot off.
580 
581They had a Truth music video complete with lyrics. Apparently they're aware his new song isn't getting over like his old one so they're trying to teach people the words hoping they'll start signing it.
582 
583Goldust vs. Zach Ryder. Goldust came out with the Million Dollar belt. Yes, they called it a belt. They also talked about Goldust proposing to Aksana on NXT last week. Ted DiBiase and Maryse came out on the ramp to watch. Ryder got no entrance, then Goldust pinned him with the final cut in less than a minute. DiBiase hit the ring after the match. Yes, he waited until it was over to try to get his belt back. He went after Goldust as Maryse tried to steal the belt. Aksana got it first and they had a chase scene to the back. Goldust then laid out DiBiase with his move.
584 
585They plugged Orton vs. Kane for Smackdown this week.
586 
587Barrett told Cena that he wanted him to test McGillicutty and Harris tonight, then report back on whether they were worthy of being in Nexus. Cena found this hard to believe. Barrett said no, this is your chance to go out and give the fans the John Cena they remember. "Now go get me a glass of water," he said. Cena was not down with this but was forced to do it.
588 
589Some child was watching a video game version of Big Show vs. Miz backstage. He was all excited at Show winning. Miz walked up and told him that wasn't going to happen tonight. I was able to deduce that this person was one of the stars of Show's new movie. This was like an Impact segment.
590 
591Cena had his glass of water for Barrett. Barrett told him he wanted Cena to know he was really enjoying this, then threw the water in Cena's face. Gabriel, Otunga and Slater stood there and cackled in the background. WHAT AWESOME HEELS.
592 
593Cena & Orton vs. Husky Harris & Michael McGillicutty. Husky actually looks fatter than when he was on NXT. Him being pushed like this with that physique should tell you how respected and well-liked he is backstage. Barrett and his crew came out to watch. Cena beat the piss out of Beulah's kid early. Heels finally cut him off. Husky looked great. He missed a splash and Orton got the hot tag. "Orton has reached that point where he hears those voices!" Cole said. The fuck does that mean? He set Michael up for the RKO. Husky tried to hit the ring but Orton side-stepped him. Husky ran into Cena who gave him the FU. Orton then hit the RKO on McGillicutty for the pin. Cena was about to shake Orton's hand when Barrett told him not to dare shake his hand. "In fact, get out of that ring right now. I am ordering you to step out of the ring or you will be fired!" So Cena left. Wade said he now had the best seat in the house to view the destruction of the Viper. Cena had a great look of helplessness. Orton fought valiantly but was overwhelmed. Fans chanted for Cena. He was nearly weeping. One thing of note is that all the greats in this business have really expressive faces, and Cena has one. My only problem with this, and it's minor, is that this would have been approximately 1,000 times more effective if Cena and Orton had been pushed as friends. Instead, fifteen minutes earlier they had had a confrontation where they threatened to cripple each other. They all hit Orton with their finisher. Heath was selling his shoulder through the whole beating so hopefully he didn't hurt himself. Barrett then commanded Cena get into the ring right now and give Orton the FU. Cena told them that was enough, but Barrett said do it or you're done. So Cena hoisted him up, but then Barrett said I don't want you stealing my spotlight, give him to me. Barrett then gave him his move. The front row was screaming "CENA SUCKS!" Cena, disgusted, walked backstage. Another fabulous segment. The easiest booking is for Cena to help Barrett win the title, give Barrett a fairly long reign, then after this storyline ends and Cena beats him for the title you have a ready-made Cena vs. Orton issue.
594 
595Vickie Guerrero came out. For the record, she said, my name is Vickie Guerrero and I am the official consultant of Smackdown. She took credit for the Smackdown stars appearing on Raw tonight. She said there was one special superstar that had a twinkle in his eye because his eyes were always for her, Dolph Ziggler. Dolph did a promo about how great he was. Out came Daniel Bryan. He said he wasn't exactly a ladies man but he suspected even he could do better than Vickie. "But if I can be serious for a minute," he said, a tribute to Lance Storm. He said he didn't have the movie star looks or peroxide hair, but he did have the ability to tap Dolph out. He proposed a champion vs. champion match at Bragging Rights. Dolph said they could do this right now and slapped him. Daniel was about to go after him when Vickie stepped in his way. That didn't work. Daniel got hold of Dolph and put him in his move on the floor. Dolph tapped like crazy. Suddenly, the Divas randomly came out. "What is going on?" Cole asked. They surrounded Vickie. Gail had a can full of glitter. She was supposed to throw it all over Vickie but the bucket slipped out of her hands and flew into Vickie. Oops. So after Vickie left all the girls got into the ring and wanted to dance with Bryan. He was not the worst dancer in wrestling history. But this was clearly done to make him look goofy. He ran with it, though, and made the most of a potentially bad situation. Cole was busy saying he'd never had a girlfriend and this was why.
596 
597Alicia Fox vs. Natalya. Are they actually going to give a Hart a win in Calgary? Indeed they did. Sharpshooter in one minute. Fans were so happy. But then out came Laycool. They buried Canada, the Harts, etc. She said the Harts didn't belong in the Hall of Fame, then belonged in the looney bin. Well, in a few cases that's arguable. They laid out Natalya and then Michelle put her in the sharpshooter. Natalya made her own comeback and the heels bailed. Fans liked it.
598 
599Josh interviewed Teddy, saying it was pretty brazen for him to show up on Raw. Teddy said Josh was being pretty brazen right now, but he hadn't seen anything yet. The entire Smackdown roster was there.
600 
601We got a STAND UP FOR WWE package. They had a bunch of celebrities talking about how great WWE was, and also how family-friendly. They threw out some bullshit attendance numbers and stats, such as 93,173 at Mania III, 14 million viewers in the US every week, 6 million female US viewers per week, etc. Not sure if lying about that stuff is the smartest idea. They pushed their charity stuff hard, plus showed the clips of Hillary, Barack and McCain on the show two years ago. Cole and Lawler then did a plea for fans to sign up and support the company. This was mildly annoying but could have been significantly worse.
602 
603Barrett met with Cena and said he wasn't finished with him or with Orton yet.
604 
605Bobb'e J Thompson, the little fellow from earlier, was in the ring. He was booed. He egged it on, then called out Big Show. Miz vs. Show in the captain vs. captain match. They had the entire Raw and Smackdown rosters out there surrounding the ring. Miz was thrown outside early and both sides had a stand-off. Suddenly, out came Teddy Long again. He said since Bragging Rights was only six days away and since everyone from both rosters was out there, he suggested a Smackdown vs. Raw battle royal. So there you go. And this sells the PPV how? If ever there was a PPV they've already given up on, this is it. And on that note, Hornswaggle grabbed Cole's headset and was cackling into it. Cole was trying to claim this was the serious show, not that bullshit on Smackdown. Keep in mind he's an announcer on that show as well. Usually shitty battle royal. There were a few angles, such as Jack Swagger dragging Edge out of the ring to put him in the ankle lock. It came down to Zeke, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan and Big Show. Yes, Bryan made the final four, then was immediately eliminated. "No surprise there," said Cole. Zeke and Sheamus double suplexed Show. Show tossed Zeke, then Miz slid into the ring and tried to help Sheamus toss Show. I guess Miz hadn't actually been eliminated. They failed. Edge, who I guess also wasn't eliminated, hit the ring, speared Sheamus and tossed him outside. Show tossed Miz, so Team Smackdown won.
606 
607They cut backstage and Barrett said Nexus and John Cena were going to practice what was going to happen after he won the title Sunday. He demanded Cena raise Barrett's hand in a symbol of victory. Cena put his head down and did it. Barrett's asshole smile is even better than Alberto Del Rios. So yeah, that was the show. No buys Sunday.
608 
609wrestling news
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615OCT. 11 FIGURE FOUR WEEKLY: EMPLOYEES VS. INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS PART II
616BY OBSERVER STAFF | STAFF@WRESTLINGOBSERVER.COM | @WONF4W
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619
620
621Figure Four Weekly No. 798 (bold underline) 
622
623By Bryan Alvarez
624In part one of our look at the independent contractors vs. employees issue in World Wrestling Entertainment we examined the Scott Levy, et al., lawsuit against WWE and talked to several lawyers to determine the ramifications of it and whether the result had any bearing on the current investigation by Connecticut's Joint Enforcement Commission on Employment Misclassification into WWE.
625
626Some readers have asked why the issue is important at all. There are two reasons. First, WWE wrestlers, if misclassified, are missing out on a number of benefits, including employee-covered health care (which can be very expensive), 401k retirement plans, paid vacations and sick days, and more. Second, if WWE is misclassifying its wrestlers they could face millions of dollars in fines and penalties during what is already a down period for business.
627
628The issue in classifying pro wrestlers, as noted last week, lies in the nebulous nature of the common law rules. The IRS website itself states: "There is no 'magic' or set number of factors that 'makes' the worker an employee or an independent contractor, and no one factor stands alone in making this determination. Also, factors which are relevant in one situation may not be relevant in another. The keys are to look at the entire relationship, consider the degree or extent of the right to direct and control, and finally, to document each of the factors used in coming up with the determination."
629
630So that is what we are going to do this week. We're going to look at all of the IRS' common law rules and ask three lawyers and three current and/or former WWE wrestlers to state which side of the fence they believe wrestlers fall on in each case. Obviously, wrestlers would have a better understanding of the intricacies of their job than lawyers, but I felt the lawyers might be able to look at it from a standpoint that perhaps the wrestlers would not, and vice versa.
631
632The first aspect to consider is the type of relationship, which is broken down into categories of written contracts, employee benefits, permanency of the relationship, and services provided as key activity of the business. It is interesting to note, especially in light of the judge's ruling in the Levy case, that the IRS specifically states, "Although a contract may state that the worker is an employee or an independent contractor, this is not sufficient to determine the worker’s status." In other words, just because a person signs a contract saying they are an independent contractor does NOT mean that this contract will hold up in court if they are actually misclassified. For example, if I am signed to a contract that stipulates I will kill someone, if I kill that person the fact that I signed a contract to do it does not make the act legal.
633
6341. Benefits. (bold) (all pooints bold) In terms of benefits (insurance, pension plans, paid vacation, sick days, and disability insurance), "businesses generally do not grant these benefits to independent contractors. However, the lack of these types of benefits does not necessarily mean the worker is an independent contractor." Do WWE wrestlers get benefits? All three lawyers and all three wrestlers universally said no. Several did note that while WWE stars are not given health insurance, if they are injured on the job WWE covers the entire expense (it should be noted that TNA has paid for surgeries as well but then demanded the wrestlers pay the money back). But they are shielded from worker's comp due to the independent contractor classification. So this category suggests independent contractor.
635
6362. Permanency of the Relationship. "If you hire a worker with the expectation that the relationship will continue indefinitely, rather than for a specific project or period, this is generally considered evidence that the intent was to create an employer-employee relationship." This was a prime example of a category that is apparently open to interpretation. One lawyer and one wrestler said the relationship was meant to be indefinite. Two lawyers and two wrestlers said the relationship was for a specific period. The disagreement stems from the fact that WWE signs guys to, say, three-year deals, which is an agreement for a specified period of time. But one person when voting "indefinite" noted that both sides presume going in that for nearly everyone the relationship will continue indefinitely until the wrestler is terminated. So for this category we will conclude no consensus.
637
6383. Services Provided as Key Activity of the Business. "If a worker provides services that are a key aspect of the business, it is more likely that the business will have the right to direct and control his or her activities. For example, if a law firm hires an attorney, it is likely that it will present the attorney’s work as its own and would have the right to control or direct that work. This would indicate an employer-employee relationship." All three wrestlers and all three lawyers voted yes. One wrestler noted that not only are wrestlers 100 percent the key to WWE's business (no wrestlers, no WWE), but anything a wrestler does is considered WWE's intellectual property and they have the right to use it into perpetuity without the written consent of the wrestler. This overwhelmingly suggests employee.
639
6404. Behavioral Control. "Behavioral control refers to facts that show whether there is a right to direct or control how the worker does the work. A worker is an employee when the business has the right to direct and control the worker. The business does not have to actually direct or control the way the work is done – as long as the employer has the right to direct and control the work." All three wrestlers and all three lawyers voted yes, the WWE has the right to control the wrestler and direct how he does his work. There were caveats, such as one wrestler noting that wrestlers normally have 85 percent of the input into their matches bell-to-bell. But the question is not whether WWE does control them, but whether they CAN. If WWE scripted out a match move-for-move and asked the wrestler do it, the wrestler would do it. Several noted how completely WWE controls its workers, everything from a dress code to the fact that "McDonald's isn't telling employees 'you can't tweet after midnight.'" This overwhelmingly suggests employee.
641
6425. Types of Instructions Given. "An employee is generally subject to the business’s instructions about when, where, and how to work. All of the following are examples of types of instructions about how to do work." This is broken down into subsections.
643
644a. When and where to do the work. Everyone agreed WWE controls this.
645
646b. What tools or equipment to use. No consensus. Most said it boiled down to gear, and even that isn't something universal. Some wrestlers buy it, others have it made for them, and whether WWE controls it sometimes has to do with the gimmick.
647
648c. What workers to hire or to assist with the work. The majority said yes, WWE controlled it, but it was not a 100 percent consensus. It's not really relevant in that the people who assist with the work in wrestling are, for example, tag partners. WWE wrestlers aren't hiring others to help with their work because there is no work that would require them hiring helpers.
649
650d. Where to purchase supplies and services. The vast majority said no, WWE did not have control. Wrestlers who purchase gear can purchase it wherever they'd like, or have their mothers make it if they desire.
651
652e. What work must be performed by a specified individual. Consensus was that this was WWE's call completely.
653
654f. What order or sequence to follow when performing the work. The majority voted yes, WWE controlled this, although several noted that the wrestlers did have some discretion, with one wrestler saying the majority went to the worker. This would be best classified as no consensus because much of it also depends on the wrestler. WWE is going to control the in-ring and promo work of a recent diva call-up significantly more than they would for the Undertaker or Chris Jericho.
655
656g. Degree of Instruction. "Degree of Instruction means that the more detailed the instructions, the more control the business exercises over the worker. More detailed instructions indicate that the worker is an employee. Less detailed instructions reflects less control, indicating that the worker is more likely an independent contractor." Everyone who voted on this category (one lawyer deferred) voted yes, WWE provided very detailed instructions. Again, it was noted that if you are one of the chosen few in WWE you have discretion about whether to read a scripted promo or ad lib, but for the vast majority of wrestlers WWE controlled 100 percent of how things were done and all steps leading to the final product.
657
658The vast majority of categories here suggest a degree of control more than sufficient to classify the wrestlers as employees.
659
6606. Evaluation System. "If an evaluation system measures the details of how the work is performed, then these factors would point to an employee. If the evaluation system measures just the end result, then this can point to either an independent contractor or an employee." Nebulous. WWE does not have a specific evaluation system similar to what you'd see in a corporate environment. Obviously, wrestlers are evaluated by Vince McMahon, and the wrestlers could not agree on whether that constituted the evaluation system the IRS is referencing. No consensus.
661
6627. Training. "If the business provides the worker with training on how to do the job, this indicates that the business wants the job done in a particular way. This is strong evidence that the worker is an employee. Periodic or on-going training about procedures and methods is even stronger evidence of an employer-employee relationship. However, independent contractors ordinarily use their own methods." Also nebulous. WWE has a rather specific style of work which they prefer, and thus the majority of new hires are sent to developmental. Chris Benoit was widely considered one of the best workers in the world when he went to WWE in 2000, but HHH said after their first match together that Benoit "could be carried," meaning he needed to "learn to work." Again, this all depends on the wrestler. If you can work "WWE style," you do not need to undergo training. If you are breaking into the business or work a different style, you will be sent for training. One wrestler noted that new call-ups and low-card wrestlers are required to attend a weekly "promo class" with Vince McMahon where he trains them on how to deliver promos (and one person noted that the instruction seems to change week-to-week as Vince can never make up his mind about what he wants). In the end, while some are trained and some are not, the bottom line is that WWE very much "wants the job done in a particular way," which suggests employee.
663
6648. Financial Control. "Financial control refers to facts that show whether or not the business has the right to control the economic aspects of the worker’s job." This fell into several categories:
665
666a. Significant investment. (a-d all italics) "An independent contractor often has a significant investment in the equipment he or she uses in working for someone else. However, in many occupations, such as construction, workers spend thousands of dollars on the tools and equipment they use and are still considered to be employees. There are no precise dollar limits that must be met in order to have a significant investment. Furthermore, a significant investment is not necessary for independent contractor status as some types of work simply do not require large expenditures." No consensus on this one. The wrestlers couldn't even agree. The sticking point was the cost of gear. WWE wrestlers pay for their own. Whether the investment is significant depends entirely on how much gear you buy. Rey Mysterio, who has a million masks and outfits, has invested far more than a guy like Zach Ryder who may have a couple of pairs of tights with legs cut out of them.
667
668b. Unreimbursed expenses. "Independent contractors are more likely to have unreimbursed expenses than are employees. Fixed ongoing costs that are incurred regardless of whether work is currently being performed are especially important. However, employees may also incur unreimbursed expenses in connection with the services that they perform for their business." Everyone voted yes. Wrestlers pay for their own transportation to and from shows if the shows are located more than 300 miles from their home airport (yes, if a show is 299 miles from your home you must drive). If WWE flies a wrestler in, the wrestler must pay for his rental car, hotel, gas, tolls, parking, etc., and none of this is reimbursed. One person noted that expenses for can be in the neighborhood of $800 to $900 a week, or nearly $48,000 per year. This strongly points to independent contractor.
669
670c. Opportunity for profit or loss. "The opportunity to make a profit or loss is another important factor. If a worker has a significant investment in the tools and equipment used and if the worker has unreimbursed expenses, the worker has a greater opportunity to lose money (i.e., their expenses will exceed their income from the work). Having the possibility of incurring a loss indicates that the worker is an independent contractor." Everyone agreed that it is possible (though not necessarily likely) that WWE wrestlers can lose money on the road. For what it's worth, TNA wrestlers lose money on the road far more frequently than WWE wrestlers since they're paid significantly less. This strongly points towards independent contractor.
671
672d. Services available to the market. "An independent contractor is generally free to seek out business opportunities. Independent contractors often advertise, maintain a visible business location, and are available to work in the relevant market." Consensus very strongly no. WWE wrestlers not only can't work elsewhere, but they're often restricted from doing non-wrestling outside projects including non-WWE films, books, musical offerings, etc. This is an important category and strongly suggests employee.
673
6749. Method of payment. "An employee is generally guaranteed a regular wage amount for an hourly, weekly, or other period of time. This usually indicates that a worker is an employee, even when the wage or salary is supplemented by a commission. An independent contractor is usually paid by a flat fee for the job. However, it is common in some professions, such as law, to pay independent contractors hourly." This was hilarious. One lawyer said flat fee, one lawyer said regular wage with or without commissions and the third lawyer said a little of both. For the wrestlers, one said flat fee and two said regular wage with or without commissions. It kind of is a mix of both. WWE wrestlers are signed to deals with a downside guarantee. If your downside is $52,000, you are guaranteed $1,000 per week. That is closer to a regular wage. However, they are paid, say, $500 for each house show they work. That's a flat fee for each show. Some of the respondents, in picking option A or B, did so by also saying, "I guess." In other words, no consensus.
675
676So what can be determined? Well, when you break everything down category by category it's pretty clear why WWE has gotten away with classifying its wrestlers as independent contractors for so many years despite many people feeling that it's an open-and-shut case. The answer is that so many of the categories, a full 39 percent, are largely inconclusive. Yes, more categories point towards employee than independent contractor, but we're looking at a breakdown of 39 percent employee, 22 percent independent contractor, and 39 percent inconclusive. It is up to the government to look at the inconclusive categories and decide which side of the fence they fall on. They might decide that all of them point towards contractor, which would give us a 61 percent-39 percent split towards contractor. They could also all point towards employee, which would give us a 78 percent-22 percent split towards employee. Or, most likely, there would be a little of both, leaving us with another inconclusive percentage split. The IRS would also have to weigh each category. While we did a basic yes-no split, some categories would be weighed more heavily than others. Again, according to the IRS, "There is no 'magic' or set number of factors that 'makes' the worker an employee or an independent contractor, and no one factor stands alone in making this determination. Also, factors which are relevant in one situation may not be relevant in another. The keys are to look at the entire relationship, consider the degree or extent of the right to direct and control, and finally, to document each of the factors used in coming up with the determination."
677
678Personally, I feel WWE stars should be classified as employees because I feel the issue mostly comes down to the amount of control WWE exerts over its wrestlers, which to me is substantial. What is interesting is that they exert significantly more control now than they did in the '90s, and SIGNIFICANTLY more than in the '60s, '70s and '80s. In fact, each year WWE seems to institute further restrictions, which to me pushes the wrestlers more and more towards employee status. As noted, dress codes, mandatory haircuts, scripted promos, restrictions on not only outside wrestling ventures but outside entertainment ventures, control over media interviews (WWE stars are not allowed to talk to us on the record, including on the nationally-syndicated Wrestling Observer Live, and must approve all other interviews), control over social networking behaviors, etc., all points towards a degree of control which brings into serious question any classification other than employee. Ironically, one of the wrestlers noted that not only has this increased degree of control over the last decade brought into question the current classification, but it has also resulted in a product that, year-by-year, has seen a serious decline in interest.
679
680I would like to conclude with a note on something that did surprise me in this investigation. I went into this thinking that most wrestlers would prefer to be classified as employees due to the benefits they'd receive. However, without prompting, one of the wrestlers polled told me that he preferred to be classified as an independent contractor. He said as an employee he'd likely be stuck on a company regimen of travel between shows similar to the international tours where the wrestler are on a tighter schedule so as not to miss flights and tour buses. He noted that domestically they had freedom to travel between shows at their leisure, stay where they wanted, and do whatever they wanted during the day prior to call time. He noted that while it's expensive to pay for your own insurance it is not impossible to get and is also a tax write-off.
681
682Upon hearing this I posed the same question to the other two wrestlers. One wrestler said if he was paid a million dollars a year he wouldn't care how he was classified. He said over a career the potential pension would probably be worth employee status provided the overall pay was similar. He said he disagreed with the travel argument because he knew employees who traveled for business meetings and were able to book their own travel, stay where they wanted, and submit their receipts for reimbursement. He noted, and this is an important point, that the WWE road agents are employees and they travel the same way the wrestlers do.
683
684The third wrestler noted something similar about travel. He said in terms of taxes as an independent contractor versus employee, it was really just a matter of preference. He noted that the company can either take deductions and pay the IRS for you if you're an employee, or they can take no deductions if you're a contractor and you pay the IRS yourself. In the Levy, et al., case, the judge noted that it was a largely a wash, and that wrestlers weren't losing a dime regardless of how they were classified.
685
686
687The Essential Stories 
688Hardy Turns at Bound for Glory PPV (bold)
689
690Jeff Hardy turned heel in the main event of the Bound for Glory PPV on 10/10/10, winning the vacant TNA Title over Mr. Anderson and Kurt Angle in a three-way. Angle, per the pre-match stips, now supposedly must retire. The new top heel faction, Abyss' much-hyped "THEY," consist of Abyss, Hardy, Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan and Jeff Jarrett. Van Dam beat Abyss after hitting him with Janice and a frog splash on the undercard, and Fortune beat EV2.0 in a Lethal Lockdown mess. Fans live in Daytona were said to be furious at the main event angle and feedback we received was largely negative as well. The writers chose to turn Hardy because he was the top babyface and most beloved wrestler on the roster, and thus they figured it would be the biggest shock.
691
692Diaz beats Noons in Rematch (bold)
693
694Nate Diaz beat KJ Noons via five-round decision to retain his welterweight title in the main event of the October 9th Strikeforce show from San Jose. The bout was a rematch of their November 10, 2007, bout in Corpus Christi, Texas, which Noons won via blood stoppage between the first and second rounds. The fight was a somewhat exciting demonstration of terrible boxing, with nearly 1,000 wild blows thrown over five rounds, only a percentage of which were blocked. Both Diaz and Noons (the latter of which suffered both a broken jaw and hand) asked for a rematch, though Strikeforce head Scott Coker said he wasn't looking in that direction. Diaz may face Jason Miller in a grudge match next. The two have bad blood and had a near pull-apart backstage in San Jose.
695
696Foley vs. Flair Draws 1.44 Quarter (bold)
697
698Ric Flair and Mick Foley drew one of the highest TNA quarters of the year, a 1.44, for their Last Man Standing Match on the October 7th Impact. The big spot was Foley being thrown off the stage through a table on the floor. He overshot the table and landed hard on his hip. He told us Friday that he was hurting bad enough afterwards that he canceled his planned book signing that day, but didn't think he'd done any permanent damage. Foley won the bloodbath after Flair did a face-first bump into tacks. The finish was confusing as Flair was on his feet before taking the bump, which should have resulted in the ref re-starting his count, and fans were confused since Jeremy Borash had billed it as Falls Count Anywhere. It was still among the better Impact TV matches of the year.
699
700UFC Brock vs. Cain Countdown Series Debuts (bold)
701
702The first episode of UFC Primetime: Lesnar vs. Velasquez, aired following Ultimate Fighter on October 6th. Lesnar, a very private person, volunteered to do the series, feeling that Velasquez was low-key enough that he needed to personally play heel and sell the fight. Both were pushed as the hardworking common man, Brock from a farm in South Dakota and Cain the son of a Mexican immigrant. The special made Cain come across as a viable contender and Brock as a monstrous freak of nature willing to kill anything in his path. Further episodes air on October 13th at 10 p.m. and October 20th at 9:30 p.m. Barring an unforeseen disaster the PPV should have no problem breaking 1 million buys. If it does so, Lesnar himself will likely draw more PPV buys alone in the US in 2010 (two million plus) than WWE will with all of its domestic buyrates put together.
703
704Raw Sees Boost to 3.3 Rating (bold)
705
706Coming off the Hell in a Cell angle where John Cena was forced to join Nexus, Raw was up 6 percent in persons 18-to-49 and 15 percent in males 18-to-49 to a 3.325 rating on October 4th, breaking a two-week streak of sub-3.0 numbers. The feeling was that a third straight low rating would cause Vince McMahon to flip out. WWE was very happy with the number. First hour did a 3.26 rating and 4.670 million viewers, and hour two did a 3.39 and 4.883 million viewers. Smackdown's Syfy debut did a 1.74 rating and 2.5 million viewers. The show had done a 2.13 rating and 3.1 million viewers on MyNetwork TV the week prior, so down considerably with the network change. It was up 153 percent and 224 percent in the Syfy persons 18-to-49 and males 18-to-49 ratings over the prior four weeks in that time slot. Week two was up to a 1.81 and 2.613 million viewers. Syfy officials are hoping the show settles in around a 2.0.
707
708Mexico Tour Disappoints (bold)
709
710WWE's latest tour of Mexico was a box office disappointment. Friday in Mexico City at Palacio de los Deportes drew just 9,000 fans, less than a half house, for a show featuring Rey Mysterio beating Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio's father, Dos Caras, played heel ref, but Rey ran father and son together, hit a double 619, and then pinned Del Rio with ring announcer Tony Chimmell counting the pin. Undertaker also beat Kane via DQ in the main event when Del Rio interfered. Del Rio interfered in Rey's World title match with Kane in Monterrey Thursday before 15,000, costing him the bout. The building was 95 percent full but it was the lowest WWE attendance in that town in six years. Guadalajara did 10,000, about 70 percent full. The belief is that WWE is running the country too frequently and has beaten Rey Mysterio there too many times.
711
712Bisping vs. Akiyama Preview (bold)
713
714Just one week before Brock Lesnar and Cain Velasquez square off at UFC 121 in Anaheim, Michael Bisping and Yoshihiro Akiyama headline UFC 120 from the O2 Arena in London, England on October 16th. The show will air free on tape delay on Spike TV in the US. Full televised card has Bisping vs. Akiyama; Dan Hardy vs. Carlos Condit; John Hathaway vs. Mike Pyle; Cheick Kongo vs. Travis Browne; and James Wilks vs. Claude Patrick. Akiyama is coming off arguably the best fight of the year versus Chris Leben at UFC 116 on July 3rd, a fight he lost via submission to an arm triangle in the final 20 seconds.
715
716Jamie Eliminated From NXT (bold)
717
718Former ring announcer Jamie Keyes was the first girl eliminated from season three of NXT on October 5th. Keyes had an incredible breast-to-waist ratio but didn't show much in the ring or behind the mic. She did appear to have incredible passion for wrestling, and most likely there will be a role for her in the future. The favorites remain Kaitlyn, who WWE was super high on following her match with Vickie Guerrero, and Naomi, by far the best athlete of the current group and one of the best athletes in show history. WWE already has tentative plans for both post-season.
719
720Batista Looking to Train, Act (bold)
721
722Dave Batista appeared at the Strikeforce event in San Jose and told Dave Meltzer that he was not averse to the idea of returning to wrestling someday, but had no plans to do so currently and was focusing on MMA training and film roles. Batista noted that his body felt better now when training jiu jitsu and kickboxing than it did taking bumps four days a week with WWE. He said he couldn't train full-time until January when his current movie commitments ended, but after that he wanted a three-fight deal, an easy fight, a fight with Bobby Lashley, and a big-money PPV fight. Scott Coker has expressed interest in putting together Batista vs. Lashley, but the feeling from most insiders is that Batista will likely never actually do a pro fight.
723
724
725Reviews (underline)
726
727WWE NXT (10/5/10)
728Yes, I am actually watching this show online. I've come this far, I'm sticking it out. All the girls were called out. The quality started out awful but then picked up a lot. It didn't look like full HD but it was much better than you'd get in standard definition on TV. This week's first challenge was bullriding. And you wonder why there weren't any networks willing to pick this show up after Syfy canceled them. The Bellas, wearing the tightest pants I've seen since junior high, demonstrated how to ride the bull. I strongly approved of this. Naomi lasted 12.5 seconds. Aksana went next. Crowd was quiet but not dead silent. She went 17.9 seconds. Pretty impressive. AJ and Kaitlyn did a weird ass-slapping routine before AJ's turn. She put on a cowboy hat that was way too small. For her, mind you. She made 9.6 seconds. Jamie made 10.9 seconds. This was quickly dying a death. Maxine went next. They noted she hadn't won a competition yet. Maxine got an 8.9. Kaitlyn went last. A 10-second ride. Yeah, I said that. Don't regret it. Aksana won. She "won" a match with Maxine. This I gotta see. Match was pretty horrible. They fucked up a snap mare. A SNAP MARE. Maxine nearly broke her neck it appeared. Match was heavily choreographed. Aksana made a comeback but got cut off. Maxine covered her and then got pinned. That's not a typo. Maxine covered Aksana and Maxine ended up pinned. This was something else. Goldust and Aksana had a big celebration afterwards. I presume as some point we'll get a Goldust & Aksana vs. Maryse & Ted DiBiase match.
729
730Time for another competition – The Rookie Diva Talent Show. People actually cheered. This was the nicest crowd ever. Cole was burying segments but not nearly as bad as most weeks. Aksana's talent was push-ups. She did a series of very lewd fitness competition-style straddle push-ups. This was pretty fucking impressive and it woke Cole the hell up. Naomi was up next. She said her talent was rapping. She then proceeded to do a freestyle rap. This was also pretty fucking impressive. I'll say this, the matches have been awful, but in terms of athletic ability and personality the NXT season 3 girls have BLOWN AWAY the guys from seasons 1 and 2. AJ said her talent was flexibility. She did a very lewd stretching routine. "Guarantee you she's not winning!" said Cole. She had buried him, originally saying her talent would be giving Cole a personality. It was by far the weakest of all. Jamie said her talent was turning men on. She proceeded to make out with Matt Stryker. He's lucky this show is on the Internet now. Or maybe not. Kaitlyn went next. Her talent was that she was an artist. She started drawing something as the lights dimmed. They showed Vickie looking on with great disdain. It was a stick figure saying "EXCUSE ME!" The fans popped surprisingly big for this. Kaitlyn said she thought she did a great job putting Vickie on canvas, and later tonight she was going to put her on another canvas. Maxine went next. She apologized to Hornswoggle for what happened last week. They showed clips of her tossing him out of the wheelbarrow. "There's a reason we're on dot-com this week," Cole noted. She said she'd baked a pie for Hornswoggle and asked him to come out. He came out, she smeared some pie on him, then he put the pie in her face. Fans had many LOLs. Time to vote. People actually booed Naomi. I was flabbergasted. Kaitlyn won. That meant both Kaitlyn and AJ had won three competitions so Cole asked the fans which girl should earn immunity. They chose Kaitlyn.
731
732Vickie vs. Kaitlyn. Dolph came out with Vickie. She was wearing a black singlet with blue flames and "EXCUSE ME!" written across the chest. Given her age and the fact that she's not a wrestler she's gotten herself into really good shape of late. She did some breathing drills before the match. Kaitlyn gave her a drop toehold and Vickie sold it like she'd gotten a fat lip. They had a slapping contest. You should have SEEN Vickie celebrate her slap, as she reared back, grabbed her stomach and let out the best cackle of all time. Then Kaitlyn slapped her and she nearly wept. She yanked Kaitlyn out of the ring and tossed her around ringside. Vickie's offense was atrocious but as a performer she was fantastic, better than most of the current crew. Vickie tried a slam but couldn't get her up, so Kaitlyn grabbed her and slammed her. "MY BACK!" Vickie screamed. Then she screamed at Dolph, "AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME?" Kaitlyn immediately rolled her up for the pin. This got over far bigger than I would have figured. Kaitlyn hugged Dolph afterwards, which of course set Vickie off. She pitched a fit and stormed off. Everyone involved in this played their role perfectly.
733
734Elimination time. Jamie got axed. This got almost no reaction. Stryker gave her the mic. She said WWE had the best fans, the most supportive people. She thanked the Bellas and all the pros, and all the rookies as well. She nearly cried, as did the Bellas. That was actually really sad. So there you go. See you next week.
735
736
737Impact Live (10/7/10)
738Abyss was dragging Dixie to ringside. She was weeping. Where is security? Where are the cops? How can he be employed after this? This I will have to see. I mean, this was no normal wrestling angle. This was a legit hostage situation. He dragged her towards the ring. The announcers were rather calmly explaining that Dixie appeared to have been abducted. Fans were also calmly sitting in their seats. Abyss was ranting about 10/10/10 and control and such, and said on Sunday Dixie was going to be gone. He said THEY wanted to ask her one last question before Sunday. "Do you prefer Janice or Bob?" Eric finally came out with GUNNER AND MURPHY. This was the best he could come up with. He told security to back off so he could try to talk some sense into the monster. Where are the fucking police? Not sure but there were the ROAD AGENTS. Bischoff talked Abyss into letter her go, then told them to cut. He shouldn have told them to cut about ten minutes earlier. Sting came out. They went to commercial and when they came back Pope and Nash were there as well. Pope said at 10/10/10 the walls were going to come crashing down on Eric. Eric told him he respected the hell out of him and had for a long time, but Pope had no idea what he was talking about. He said this was much bigger than Pope. "You're just going in the wrong direction, my friend, the wrong direction!" Pope demanded to know what this was about. Eric said it was about Sting and Hogan. Sting said Eric was right, because what happened ten years ago was going to come crashing down at Bound for Glory. He said Hogan needed to get his ass back into the ring. People chanted "HOGAN!" Sting said when Hogan's true character was revealed, would he be ready to walk away? "Answer me now." Bischoff said he had nothing to say to him. They better have a hell of an angle to pay off weeks of nobody having any idea what's going on. Out came Joe and Jeff Jarrett. Bischoff told him he could handle it. He said if they wanted the answers he'd give them the answers. Bischoff said if they wanted the truth about Hulk Hogan, the truth was that Hogan was in intensive care right now. Eric showed clips of Hogan in the hospital. He said this was Hogan's eighth surgery since February. He asked them if they were man enough among the three of them to handle Hogan in this state. Boy did they make Hogan look like a 200-year-old man. He was told he couldn't do anything for at least six weeks. Eric said if they wanted to kick his ass they could have at it. But at Bound for Glory, he said, since he didn't want to disappoint them, the match was still on -- Nash & Sting & Pope vs. Joe & Jarrett in a handicap match. I still have no idea what's going on, but everyone played their roles here, whatever they were, and at least the babyfaces are at the disadvantage for once.
739
740They had a Kurt vs. Jeff vs. Anderson video package for Sunday.
741
742Video package with Team 3-D. They're still around. They said they would make the biggest announcement of their career. "An announcement that will change tag team wrestling forever." You're paying for an announcement, kids, not a match or anything, an announcement you can get for free by going online five minutes after they make it. That's why nobody buys this shit.
743
744Angelina Love & Velvet Sky vs. Tara & Madison Rayne with the winning girls getting the Beautiful People name and music. As a match, this was pretty godawful. Miss Tessmacher was on the ramp taking notes. They wrestled about three minutes and then Angelina and Velvet won. "Just like that," Tenay said. That was almost completely pointless. Tessmacher took the mic afterwards and said in three days the four of them would be competing at Bound for Glory for the Knockouts title in a four-way. She said to make sure these skanks played by her rules, she had a special guest referee -- Mickie James. I should note that this was not Mickie's debut. They actually did a segment 20 minutes earlier where Mickie showed up in a car, someone asked her why she was here, and she said we'll see. Yes. Hell of a debut. Mickie came out and people chanted her name. She said it would be her honor to crown the new champion, but she'd have her eye on one thing and one thing only. She said there was one thing she did, and that was make history, and she was going to make history by winning the belt and becoming the first woman to hold every conceivable women's title that meant anything in this business. That would be zero titles, by the way.
745
746Foley did a taped promo on Flair holding his book up the entire time. He said Flair had promised that if Mick beat him he'd kiss his ass, and he expected him to hold up his end of the bargain.
747
748Dixie told Eric he needed to fire Abyss and fire him now. Why isn't she firing him? I thought it was already established that she's in charge and can do whatever she wants. Segment was nonsensical and the acting was atrocious. She begged him to do it tonight in the ring in front of everyone, and to humiliate him like he humiliated her. Eric said he'd get it done.
749
750Foley vs. Flair in a falls count anywhere match. Foley found his barbed wire bat underneath the steps. He hit Flair with it and Flair gigged. Foley had been bleeding from the 10-second mark. Flair did the most gruesome blade job, pulling the blade from ear to ear. They fought on the ramp and up by the announcers. Flair threw Foley off the stage through a table, but most of him missed the table. I mean, he flew a LONG WAY and landed HARD on the cement. My God this was stupid. Fans chanted "HOLY SHIT!" They bleeped every one. They ended up back in the ring and Flair beat the hell out of his book. Dueling chants. Flair got a bag of thumbtacks from under the ring and spread them all over the ring. Flair, at 62 fucking years old, took the high backdrop into the tacks. Flair had tacks sticking out from all over. Foley grabbed a barbed wire board from underneath the ring. Keep in mind, this was not the main event on the show. Flair got the standing ten count but was up at five. Foley brought a table into the ring but ended up on it. Flair hit him repeatedly with a barbed wire board, then went up top and actually put Foley through the table with a splash. They were both lying there in a puddle of blood covered in thumbtacks. Both guys were down. Hebner was counting. So they were having this quite frankly incredible match and then the finish was utter shit. After the splash they both started to stand. Flair got to his feet but then took a Flair flop face first into the tacks and thus Foley was declared the winner. So yes, Flair actually was at his feet but for whatever reason that didn't stop the count. Don't ask me. I don't know. I should have known TNA would find a way to fuck something like this up. Foley then took the mic and said Flair promised, so he needed to get into the ring right now and kiss Mick's ass. Anyway, no ass-kissing was to be had courtesy Fortune running in.
751
752Bischoff came out amidst all of the destruction. He said there was a lot of time left in the show so they needed to get this done. He called out Abyss. Yup, with no security in the ring. RVD came out instead. He said listen, there's no way I'm going to be screwed out of my match with Abyss Sunday. He said if they fired Abyss tonight and he didn't get the match he'd leave. He told Eric to go to Dixie and tell her that either Abyss wrestled through Bound for Glory or she was going to lose the Whole F'N Show. Hey, at least this made sense.
753
754Orlando Jordan was teaching Eric Young how to throw balls backstage. They decided they needed to be a team. Eric said he couldn't wait until they were ranked by PWI. Really said this. Orlando gave him a hug and got a little too close for comfort.
755
756Eric & Orlando vs. Ink Inc. They noted that Eric had taken a bump on his head and it had scrambled his brains so he was now goofy. Swear to fuck that's the angle. In 2010. Match was full of gay hijinx and goofy comedy. All I know is Orlando won with a low blow. Eric grabbed the mic afterwards and said since he was the leader of this tag team he was hereby forfeiting this match. He said he'd make some calls and pull some strings and get the four of them in a six-man tag Sunday. I have literally no idea what was going on or why this was on the show, except that it's TNA and they don't know what they're doing.
757
758Jay Lethal showed us the house he grew up in. This was fun, but this is BEFORE THE GLORY, the final hype for Sunday, and I have no idea what this had to do with anything.
759
760Dixie told RVD this was fine, but win, lose or draw Abyss was finished after the PPV. Bischoff showed up with termination papers. He said they would be effective at midnight Sunday. She hurriedly signed. Sounds like bad news to me. Out came SHORE. "Oh, I get it," Tenay said. It was Cookie, a large-breasted girl, and Robbie E., who unfortunately for him came off as an indy version of Zack Ryder. It didn't help that their music totally blew, a club song probably written by a country group in Nashville. They were effectively annoying. Fans hated them and chanted "YOU SUCK!" He did a promo saying there were nothing but ugly girls at the Impact Zone. People were booing and it didn't sound like the good kind of booing. Then they started chanting something that I think was "BORING!" Why this was on the go-home show I have no idea.
761
762Angle, Nash, RVD, Pope, Anderson, Jarrett, Flair, Foley, Joe and Dixie. Nash had the excitement level of a corpse. Anderson was slightly more animated, but only slightly. He said TNA had reignited his passion for the business. Yeah, I can tell. Dixie claimed this would be the biggest PPV event in their history. HOWLED.
763
764Gauntlet battle royal with the winner getting $100,000. Not sure what this has to do with Bound for Glory either. This was a Royal Rumble with 45 second intervals. Angle and Anderson started. What a shock. They had just barely started wrestling when 45 seconds was up and out came Jeff Hardy. Announcers said TNA did this on purpose. It took Jeff 30 seconds to get to the ring so 15 seconds after he got there out came AJ Styles. Then they went to commercial. When they came back Doug Williams, Sabu, Max Buck, Chris Sabin and Tommy Dreamer were in the ring. Why did they even bother with the intervals? Jarrett was in next, then Pope, then Bobby Roode. Not sure where Lethal came from but he was there. Then Sting. Then another commercial. I gave up at this point. A bunch of dudes entered. I should note that ABYSS was in this battle royal. ABYSS. He's gonna be fired Sunday, supposedly, but they let him compete here tonight for $100,000. Fucking hilarity. He started eliminating everyone. Show ended but they said to stay tuned for the end of it on Reaction. Nash was in jeans and a t-shirt. Taking this very seriously. Match went on and on and on. It was every battle royal you ever saw. There were some interesting spots such as Robert Roode trying to eliminate his partner, failing, and then explaining, hey, Beer MONEY. They hugged but then were both eliminated by Abyss. Came down to Angle, Hardy, Anderson and Abyss. Jeff hit Angle with the twist of fate and senton. You should have SEEN Kurt protect himself. Abyss immediately tossed Jeff. Suddenly they introduced Rob Van Dam. This was about four minutes after everyone was already in. They said he'd been offered an open invite by Dixie and he was taking her up on it. Doesn't seem fair. He eliminated Abyss with a high cross. He actually eliminated himself and Abyss had to leap backwards over the top rope. So it came down to Angle and Anderson. Kurt finally tossed Anderson to win. Then my DVR, even set for an extra 10 minutes, cut out. I hope they had a hell of an angle there that I missed.
765
766
767Smackdown (10/8/10)
768Show opened with Teddy Long introducing his newest acquisition, Edge. All Teddy said was that he had been traded. No explanation of who he was traded for, why this was allowed, anything. Out came Jack Swagger with his goofy eagle. He was very upset that Edge had beaten up his buddy. "He's an endangered species for God's sake!" It was very tough, he said, for the eagle to get medical insurance. Well, he's not the only one in WWE with that problem. He said I know you probably think this is stupid. Edge told him to get in the ring right now and he'd make him look stupid, and that he had no problem flipping the bird either. "FLIP THE BIRD!" the people chanted. Swagger took him down early, rode him a bit, then as Edge was facedown Swagger did push-ups on his back. This great wrestling was followed by the eagle trying to get involved and Edge knocking him off the apron. Cole said this should be a federal fine. That was hilarious. One thing WWE doesn't understand is that this stuff is funny, but nobody pays for funny. Well, people do pay for funny but they don't pay $54.95 for it. My wife thinks the eagle is fucking hilarious. She wouldn't pay $1 for a WWE PPV. Point is, she's not the only one. I could also make a point about them giving this match away for free with no build with a clean finish, but why bother at this point? Match was fucking great for a TV match. They traded tons of nearfalls at the finish and then Edge hit the spear for the clean pin. Place went nuts. This would have been awesome at Bragging Rights. And you can't even argue that it was important to give it away for free to help boost Smackdown's numbers two weeks into its move to Syfy, because they didn't promote this at all on Raw.
769
770Cody told us to brush our teeth.
771
772Kelly vs. Layla. Kelly was dressed as Wonder Woman basically. Layla had Michelle in her corner, of course, and Kelly came out with Natalya. It was during this match, notably, that I realized we now had a three-man crew with Todd Grisham, Michael Cole and the Teacher. Vince HATED Grisham's work on the debut show and ripped him a new asshole, hence what may be a permanent change. The screaming to spot ratio in this match was headache-inducing. Kelly made a comeback, screaming all the while, and Layla screamed repeatedly while selling. Kelly tried a round-off and got booted in the ass. Layla then hit her move for the pin.
773
774Show came out and did a promo talking about his new movie Knucklehead, which comes out October 22nd. October 24th, he said, was Bragging Rights, and he'd just found out he'd been named Team Captain of Smackdown. BIG SHOW. His first decision as Team Captain was to unify the Smackdown roster. His unification plan involved a mascot -- Hornswoggle. So they accept that this show is going to die a death. Show danced as the midget ran out in a blue Viking costume. Show started talking about assembling a team when Dudebusters came out. The Dudebusters. This is a real segment. Everyone booed. They said they were his guys for Team Smackdown. "Sorry," Show said, "I don't know who you guys are." They said they were the Dudebusters. Show didn't care. They threatened to be traded to Raw. Yes, threatened, in part by taking off their Smackdown shirts to reveal Raw shirts. Show double chokeslammed both of them. A wretched segment given that it was supposed to be promoting the main event at the PPV.
775
776Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Kaval & Kofi Kingston. The Teacher claimed Kaval and Kofi became a team after running into each other at the video game store. Cole buried them for being video game geeks. Bragging Rights exists to sell a video game and in the build to that PPV they're doing an angle where the lead announcer is burying people who play video games. Brilliant. Kaval got the hot tag and ran wild. People always get into Kaval but it's not like that does him any good. Broke down into a four-way. Kofi got sent outside. He tried to make it look as dramatic as possible. Cody then dropped Kaval on the ropes and pinned him with the crossroads. Match was fine while it lasted.
777
778Paul Bearer was in the ring. He did a promo introducing Kane. There is no man in professional wrestling with facials like Paul Bearer. He's outstanding. Kane came out and cut a promo while the goofy music played in the background. I do not have words to describe how much I hate that music. It's straight out of a 1950s horror film, and it was more over-the-top than ever here. And by the way, now that Paul has turned on Undertaker, shouldn't Undertaker's powers be all gone again? Amazingly, people were chanting "UNDERTAKER!" during this. He said he destroyed the legend of the Undertaker and now the fans had nothing but their own miserable, empty lives. Paul's facials during this promo almost saved this. Kane concluded by saying they were just warming up.
779
780Dolph vs. MVP for the IC Title. Vickie was at ringside looking very upset. Not much heat here. Dolph took the ref at one point and was beckoning to Vickie to choke MVP on the ropes, but she gave him the cold shoulder. He went outside and told her they were a team. She responded by walking out. MVP made a big comeback. Crowd wasn't much into it. So then Kaitlyn came out. Even she didn't get much of a reaction. MVP hit a scary-looking suplex and went for the ballin elbow. Kaitlyn grabbed his foot. MVP, shocked, ate a zig zag for the pin. She got in the ring and they had a hug-fest. Vickie came back out on the ramp and was outraged. Dolph ended up pushing Kaitlyn away, screaming that she was nothing and that he loved Vickie. I'd like a logical explanation for this because this strains credulity.
781
782The Great Alberto Del Rio did a promo backstage. He said Rey's bark was bigger than his bite. He said Rey was a god in Mexico, but he wasn't Alberto del Rio, he wasn't the essence of excellence. He then did the wackiest smile yet and they did the deal where they left the camera on him for an uncomfortable length of time. Great man.
783
784Rey vs. Alberto. I'd have paid for this match. Don't have to worry about that now. Alberto looked green early. Rey was trying to get him in position for a high spot and was having a hell of a time because Alberto wasn't moving with him. Later, on the outside, he kicked him right in the face, then hit a HUGE high cross off the post. Well, he must trust the guy if he's willing to do that with his bad knees. Alberto's selling has improved. Rey destroyed him for a long time early, killing him with kicks, including a sliding dropkick into the corner that looked brutal. Rey finally went up top and Alberto did a SWEET run-up-the-ropes enzuigiri. Match had great heat. Rey hit a sunset flip powerbomb off the top for a great nearfall. Alberto tried his run-up-the-ropes enzuigiri again and missed. Rey gave him a diving huracanrana and Alberto took this wild bump into 619 position. Rey was going for his move when Alberto's ring announcer Ricardo Rodriquez distracted him. Rey ended up doing a spinning headscissors sending Alberto into Rodriguez, then followed it up with a 619 and the springboard splash for the pin. Great fucking main event. A fascinating show as they gave away two awesome matches for free and then tried to build up a PPV with shitty comedy.
785
786
787Strikeforce Noons vs. Diaz (10/9/10)
788Mauro Ranallo opened up the show. He's trying a new hair-do, slicking it back like a 1930s gangster. Frank Shamrock and Pat Miletich joined him on commentary.
789
790Andre Galvao vs. Tyrone Woodley. Both guys were catching each other early and Galvao was eating more of them. He tried a shot but got stuffed. He came up wobbly, tried again, got stuffed again, and as Woodley was throwing shots the ref stopped it. Galvao was not happy with this stoppage. Some would question it, but to me he was so wobbly that you have to play it safe. They set off some fiery pyro in the background after the announcement. Woodley said Stikeforce was coming to St. Louis in December and he wanted a title shot in his hometown versus the winner of the Nick Diaz vs. KJ Noons.
791
792Heidi Androl (real last name) interviewed KJ. He said he'd boxed professionally in the last few years and that made him a better all-around mixed martial artist. He noted he'd never fought at this weight class. Here in this title fight.
793
794They showed a bunch of fighters in the crowd. Several of them looked like they had absolutely no idea they were on screen, which made for some uncomfortable moments.
795
796Marloes Coenen vs. Sarah Kaufman for the 135-pound title. Coenen's last fight was a loss against Cris Cyborg, and somehow that led to her getting this title shot. Stand-up wasn't overly impressive. They clinched against the fence a few times. I should note that this was scheduled for five five-minute rounds, so no more of this three-minute stuff. 10-9 Coenen. A pure legit clinchfest in the second and people were booing. Mauro noted that Kaufman had begged for a fight on the main card. They'd pulled her due to boring fights and she powerbombed her way back at the Strikeforce Challengers show in Everett. She was about to clinch her way back to Challengers here. You could hear people screaming "BORING!" We got our third separation in this round alone. YELLOW CARD TIME. It went to the ground with 15 seconds left. Coenen nearly got an armbar but the time limit expired, plus she ate several punches. Even round. 10-10. Actually, 9-9 due to boredom. It ended up back on the ground early and Coenen's legs were going nuts. Kaufman was pounding on her from the guard, delivering shot after shot, and got sloppy. Marloes armbarred her for the submission. Kaufman was really pissed off afterwards, claiming she was tapping long before Coenen let go. Coenen was nearly crying in the ring, thinking she'd hurt her. They showed a replay and the ref actually got in there really fast so I can't blame him. It was just an unfortunate situation. Kaufman appeared fine afterwards. New champion. Coenen blamed the ref, for what it's worth, and was very remorseful. Mauro asked about Meisha Tate. "Let's get it on!" Coenen said.
797
798Androl interviewed Diaz. He did the most boring promo in Diaz Brothers history. He was looking around and made it clear he didn't want to do this at all. I mean, this was an all-time horrible interview. The fuck has gotten into this guy?.
799
800Mauro interviewed Gilbert Melendez about whether he was the best lightweight in the world. Gilbert said yeah, he was the best.
801
802JZ Cavalcante vs. Josh Thomson. The commission made Thomson take a kneebrace off before the fight. That was interesting. The ruling was that you can wear a knee brace but not a brace with padding. They ended up on the ground and Cavalcante put him in a tight guillotine. Thomson sold it like he was ready to tap but then repositioned himself and was able to survive. The place went nuts when he slipped his head out. Thomson dominated him from that point forward, beating the hell out of him from the top and then putting him in an arm triangle. It looked like it was curtains for JZ but the bell saved him. Awesome round. 10-9 Thomson. Both guys came super close on a submission so Thomson gets the nod due to the added ground-and-pound. Long clinch on the fence, then Thomson got a takedown. Thomson almost got another arm triangle but JZ knew enough to escape. Another beating by Thomson to end the round. Easy 10-9. Thomson tried another takedown in the third but JZ switched in mid-move and ended up in the mount. Thomson escaped to guard and gave the fans a fist-pump. They went nuts. Thomson got back to his feet. Cavalcante took him down again and pounded from the guard. Last minute had JZ on top with Thomson trying all sorts of submissions from the bottom. Didn't come close on anything. 10-9 JZ, so 29-28 Thomson. I can understand people giving JZ round one but I didn't see it that way. Judges gave it to Thomson, two 29-28s and a 30-27. No fucking idea how anyone scored that 30-27. Thomson said he was upset at leaving it in the hands of the judges, saying he felt like shit tonight. He put over JZ as a badass, adding that there was no way he won 30-27 and it was time for judging clinics. He said he wanted a rematch with Gilbert. Gilbert was not thrilled with this idea.
803
804Dirty Dan Henderson did a promo hyping up his next fight with Babalu Sobral. Babalu's broken English was such that I have no idea what he said. I heard beer in there somewhere. Fight is December 4th in St. Louis.
805
806Nick Diaz vs. KJ Noons for the Nick Diaz Title (welterweight). The videos hyping this up were so disappointing. I didn't expect them to show the family vs. family brawl from Hawaii, but I did expect shit-talking. Nope. They both respect each other. Noons was hated. Despite his awful promo early, Diaz was still fighting like a punk, mocking the guy and putting his hands super low. They were both hitting each other but Diaz stunned him with a jab and then followed him to the ground into side control. Diaz did nothing from the position, just holding him down. An odd strategy. Noons fought to his feet. Noons, I should note, kept brushing his hair out of his eyes. That's God telling you to cut your hair. Diaz was doing his patty-cake punches and blocking shots with his face, but he was landing. A fascinating round. Diaz did land the hardest shot and a bunch of jabs. 10-9 Diaz. Diaz was cut early in the second. Now Noons was talking shit. Nick went for a takedown and couldn't get it. That's what you get for putting your fucking hands down and face out. Fans were booing, which was amazing since they were working. It was hideously appalling boxing. Maybe they recognized that. Noons' round 10-9. You can add shooting with no set-up to Diaz's blocking punches with his face patty-cake style. Noons also looked nothing like a pro boxer. Crowd cheered the round. They hit each other a lot. Diaz probably landed more but who knows. Nick hit him with a hard knee and a shot but then didn't follow up on it. He just stood there. Mauro was going nuts about what a classic fight this was. 10-9 Noons. Even fight. Diaz kept going for takedowns in the fifth. Couldn't get anything. Nick was patty-caking him but Noons was landing the harder shots. Went the distance. I call the fight a draw and I'm finished with it. Infuriating shitty technique. For the record, Diaz threw far more shots but Noons landed a higher percentage and they were harder shots. So based on that, I give the fight to Noons. The announcers kept talking about how you had to beat the champ. No you don't. You don't have to beat the champ. There is no champ the moment the bell rings. Judges scored it 48-47, 49-47 and 49-46 for Diaz. Diaz talked about how he beat this guy in a boxing match and he'd also tapped him out, so he proved he was a well-rounded mixed martial artist. Except he never tapped out Noons. Noons said Diaz won fair and square and that was fine, but did say he wanted a rematch. Take your time.
807
808
809TNA Bound for Glory (10/10/10)
810TNA did a pre-show. Keep in mind the pre-show wasn't free. You only got it if you'd already ordered the PPV. Don't ask. It's stupid. But anyway, the point is that this pre-show was FUCKING AWESOME. No joke. They did a fantastic job building up the three-way main event, Abyss vs. RVD and the Fortune vs. EV2.0 match. It was a documentary style build with all the guys doing serious interviews talking about how important each match was and why they wanted to win. If they'd inserted all of these segments into the Impact show Thursday that 1.7 million people watched, I can almost guarantee they'd have done 40,000 buys for this show, and maybe as high as 60,000. It was that good. But they didn’t.
811
812Machine Guns vs. Generation Me for the tag titles. GM look more like junior high kids each week, which is astounding. I will say, unlike the Naturals I can tell both men apart and even know their names. That's a big positive. Guns with the big double tope early. Much bigger crowd than usual here in Daytona Beach and they were into the match. Heat on Alex after they split his legs as he was going up top. Shelley sold a bit, then hit a double foot stomp off the top and made the tag to Sabin. He made a big comeback and the people were on their feet. Max tried to tag but Jeremy was on the floor. Weird spot. Broke down into a four-way. Shelley dropped Jeremy on his head with a German. That looked brutal. One nearfall and save after another. "THIS IS AWESOME!" It was actually a dueling "THIS IS AWESOME!" chant since the two sides of the building couldn't get in synch. That killed me. I was about to write that they went on too long when they suddenly did a four-way spot that involved Sabin giving Jeremy a German off the top and the place exploded. Guns finally hit their skull and bones finish for the pin. Awesome opener. (****).
813
814Madison Rayne and Tara did a promo. Usual TNA shit interview bullfuck. Madison used the terms, and I quote, "phony bitch," "pig," "whore" and "skank." The phony was in regards to Christy's hair, even though Christy's hair is real and Madison's is fake. I realize that's the point, that she's a hypocritical heel, but you don't need to point out that the girls in your company really aren't that pretty and are just fake. She also said Tara was indebted to her for life, then buried Mickie James. She said she was the only Queen Bee in TNA. Tara was not happy with that statement.
815
816Angelina vs. Madison vs. Tara vs. Velvet in a four-way for the Knockout's title with Mickie as the ref. Angelina was champ going in, by the way. Mickie looked fantastic. Velvet also looked great. Madison tagged Velvet immediately and told her to wrestle Angelina. They "grappled" in slow motion. Nobody cared. Then Velvet just tagged out. When Dutch Mantell and Scott D'Amore left they should have just abolished this division as well, because these girls without competent agents are, well, not very competent. Tara and Velvet botched some stuff including a seated dropkick. I love Velvet but she can't even believably make a cover. Everyone hit a finisher. Kind of. Tara ended up rolling up Velvet in a very sloppy manner, grabbing the tights right in front of ref Mickie, and Mickie counted the pin. This was pretty much awful. (DUD). Madison shoved Mickie afterwards so Mickie gave her a right hand. That was the best spot in the entire match by a country mile. They didn't focus on Angelina, the former champion, at all, she was merely an afterthought.
817
818By the way, someone on our board noted that the TNA women's title has changed hands six times in the past six months and the challengers have only pinned the reigning champion a single time.
819
820Eric Young had tattoos drawn all over him backstage. He said he was going to show Orlando what it was like to be a real man. "Who cares if he's bi?" he asked. Then he paused and said, "Bipolar." "Comedy," this was supposed to be.
821
822Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan. More "comedy," this time built around Eric's head injuries. Downright fucking astounding how clueless these people are. All this shit on what is supposed to be a serious show. I think as a general rule you should never put on what you expect to be two bullshit matches in a row. Eric knocked one of Ink Inc. off the apron, took his place, got a hot tag from the other Inkster, and made a comeback on his own partner. After he'd laid him out, Ink Inc. did a double-team for the pin. Orlando was pissed off afterwards but forgave Eric. A complete nonsensical waste of time. (-*).
823
824Jeff did a promo backstage and growled like a tiger. Creepy.
825
826Jay Lethal vs. Doug Williams for the X-Title. Wow, a wrestling match. How novel. Crowd couldn't get into it, though, after the previous two matches. Lethal sold for a bit and then made his big comeback. Awesome spot where he went for a springboard and Doug caught him in mid-move and suplexed him onto his head. They traded nearfalls. Doug hit the chaos theory suplex, an awesome finish, and Lethal kicked out. Fans chanted "THAT WAS THREE!" Doug hit a top rope frankensteiner but Lethal rolled through into a sunset flip for a cradle. Good match. (***).
827
828As Lethal was heading to the back, SHORE attacked him, threw him into the ring, beat the crap out of him, and then Robbie E. vowed to win the title and bring it back to Jersey. He was met with loud "BORING!" chants. What a fail this gimmick has been so far. Are you surprised? A lame pro-wrestling Jersey Shore ripoff. Not to mention they gave him the RKO as a finish, which comes off so low-rent.
829
830Abyss came out and did a promo, saying he'd prophesied for months about THEIR entrance into TNA, and today was the day. That was going to begin tonight, he said, with the destruction of RVD. I love that Abyss will supposedly be fired at the end of the night and Dixie wants him humiliated, but they still let him have his music and light show. RVD ran wild on him early so they did this right. None of this locking up bullshit, RVD tried to kill him. He gave him a facebuster onto a barbed wire board and it was real barbed wire as some of it was sticking to his skin. Disgusting. Rob then tried the rolling thunder and Abyss moved so RVD landed on the board. No buys. Abyss set up a barbed wire board bridge between the apron and the guardrail and a regular table bridge on the other side. Abyss ended up on it and RVD gave him a rolling thunder dive over the ropes, putting him through it. At least that was safe. Fans chanted "THIS IS WRESTLING!" That was fucking hilarious. There was no wrestling to speak of occurring. RVD went for the coast-to-coast but Abyss cut him off by throwing the chair at his head. Yes, RVD somehow never saw this coming. This actually makes sense given his character. He was so wrapped up in his own awesomeness that he was oblivious to a 350-pound man rising up before him. He bumped off the post through the barbed wire board outside. That looked like it sucked. The bridge of his nose was busted open by the barbed wire. Good thing it wasn't his eyeball. This barbed wire is going to fuck someone up someday. A minute later, RVD was back up, doing a coast-to-coast driving a barbed wire board into Abyss' face. He missed the frog splash. Abyss got the nail-covered board but missed a swing. RVD was about to do another frog splash but saw the board. "Why the hell not?" asked Tenay. Well, let me count the ways. RVD hit him in the stomach with it, causing Abyss to begin immediately bleeding from the mouth, then hit the frog splash for the pin. Are his insides punctured? After the match, Abyss looked right into the camera and said, "Ten, ten, ten, get ready, because here we come!" (***1/2).
831
832Nash & Sting & Pope vs. Jarrett & Joe in a handicap match. Yup, Nash was back after flipping out on Twitter again two nights earlier. Jarrett got an embarrassingly tepid reaction coming out. Tenay sent out best wishes to Hulk before the match, and Taz said Joe was fighting this match in Hogan's honor. Sounds like a serious angle alert to me. They worked over Joe forever. Joe was the babyface in peril, which seemed ass-backwards until the time came for him to make the hot tag, at which point Jeff dropped off the apron and walked to the back. Joe found himself surrounded by all three guys. He fought valiantly but was beaten down three-on-one. This was not a DQ, by the way. I love watching Earl Hebner in the background trying to get these men to stop and not being able to do the logical thing. Nash gave Joe the powerbomb and pinned him. Yes, they put Nash over. I would say that means clearly he's not leaving, but this is TNA so I'm presuming this is his last night in. So yeah, that was the big shocking surprise in this match. (*1/2).
833
834They did a Mr. Anderson interview backstage. He was in the middle of his promo when they cut away from Anderson to Team 3-D doing an entrance. Totally low-rent. Bubba did a promo saying they'd become a team in 1996 with the goal of becoming the best ever. Nobody reacted. They said they'd been wrestling for 15 years, and because of the fans they had become 23-time tag champs. He said the TNA tag titles were the most important in the world and TNA had the best young wrestlers anywhere. But they'd done it all, he said, so as of this moment, Team 3-D was officially retired. People booed. They did have one last request, though. If they were going out they wanted to go out with one more match. And if they were going to have one more match, they wanted it to be with the best tag team in the world today, therefore, they wanted Motor City Machine Guns. This got almost no reaction. That was sad. They said if Guns could beat them they could put on their resumes that they were the team that retired Team 3-D. And if they lost, Team 3-D would retire the World Tag Team Champions. So in other words, as of that moment, they weren't actually retired.
835
836Fortune did a promo backstage. They're supposed to be the top heels and Christy was there laughing with them and having a good ol' time.
837
838Fortune (AJ & Kazarian & Beer Money & Matt Morgan) vs. EV2.0 (Dreamer & Stevie & Raven & Sabu & Rhino) in a Lethal Lockdown (War Games match). Both teams came down to ringside and Flair immediately went after Foley. It was broken up. Then Flair, right in front of the camera, not in the middle of a brawl or anything, leaned forward and ran a blade across his forehead. Man is out of his mind. Kazarian and Stevie started. It was what it was. AJ was in next. Supposed to be man advantage heels, but then AJ did his usual babyface dropkick spot and the fans went nuts. AJ and Kazarian did a double team figure-four. No submissions at this point so they just tortured him. Next in was Dreamer. He had a t-shirt on that read "THANK YOU!" Big stacked up superplex spot. In next was Robert Roode, then Sabu, who ran wild on everyone. Crowd was getting more and more quiet the longer this went on. Storm was in next. The two biggest pops in the match, I might add, were AJ's dropkick and Beer Money doing their Beer Money suplex. Raven was in next. He did his snot rag spot that he tried to get over a few years ago. Didn't get over at all here. I mean, silence. Matt Morgan was the last heel in the ring. He didn't even really play monster heel. He powerbombed Sabu into the cage and then gave Dreamer some elbows. Rhino was in next. People were actually into his gores and such. Then they lowered the cage top with all the goofy weapons. Everyone was doing a million moves and hitting each other with a million weapons. Meanwhile, Flair and Foley were brawling on the ramp. A total clusterfuck. Morgan and Raven exchanged shots to the head with gimmicks, then Raven tried a double-leg for some reason. Please tell me we nearly saw a shoot in Lethal Lockdown between Raven and Matt Morgan. Kazarian got sent into the door and it opened up and he fell outside. Hell of a cage on your biggest show of the year. Everyone brawled outside. Kazarian and Stevie were on top of the cage. Kazarian put him on a table and climbed a ladder but Brian Kendrick appeared out of nowhere and went after him. I think he was supposed to powerbomb Kazarian off the ladder through the table but they both just fell down in a heap. That was lame. So Kazarian just backdropped him through the table. In the ring, Dreamer gave AJ a middle rope DVD onto a chair and pinned him. Then they immediately cut away. I mean, no celebration, nothing. Like five seconds after the pinfall they cut backstage to a Kurt Angle interview. This was like the most low-rent, rinky-dink production. Match wasn't much either. And now that it's over, I have no idea what the point of it was because they treated the finish like it didn't matter one single bit. (*1/2).
839
840Angle vs. Anderson vs. Hardy for the vacant TNA Title. They said no time limit, no DQ, no countouts. No good reason for it except that they told us at the get-go that dudes were going to run in. They mentioned that this was the biggest match of the biggest TNA show of the year. Kind of sad, actually. Your basic three-way early. They did a three-way German spot that was actually pretty impressive. Kurt took a backdrop over the top to the floor. This didn't keep him down for long. Anderson was also bleeding from the forehead, no idea how. Hardy did a flip dive to the outside onto both guys and somehow neither caught him. They did a spot I couldn't figure out, where Jeff missed a senton and Angle lunged at him and then did -- nothing. They cut to Dixie in the crowd giving the match The Dixie Look â„¢, which is actually her only look. They did a stacked up superplex. That same move was done earlier in the show. Angle gave both guys the rolling Germans. He put both guys in a double ankle lock. That looked lewd. Anderson did his middle rope rolling fireman's carry. There goes a rib. Hardy did a senton onto the pile. There goes another one. Angle kicked out. Crowd went nuts for the nearfall. Angle hit the slam on Jeff but Jeff kicked out. Fans were totally into the match now. Kurt gave Anderson a top rope Angle slam. Looked sloppy. Jeff covered but Anderson kicked out. Jeff hit the twisting moonsault on Kurt and the twist of fate on Anderson. He went up for the senton but Kurt broke it up and put him in the ankle lock. Anderson hit the mic check on Kurt for another nearfall. Angle with a giant moonsault on Jeff. Anderson and Angle did a series of spots, then the ref took a bump. A flip bump, actually. That was the moment they lost the crowd. Angle and Anderson were down when out came Eric with a steel chair. He was in the ring about to hit either Angle or Anderson when Hulk's music hit. Yup, he was there. Out he limped on crutches with a strange bearded man behind him. Hogan was not moving well at all. They had a guy help him get into the ring. Bischoff threw the chair outside. Hogan got in his face and was poking him in the chest. Then he gave Bischoff his crutch. He gave the other crutch to Jeff. They teased that Hogan and Jeff were the babyfaces, but then Jeff -- JEFF HARDY -- broke the crutch over Angle's back and turned heel. He broke the other crutch over Anderson's back and then gave him the twist of fate. This got a huge reaction. He made the cover and Bischoff told the ref to count. So Hardy is the new World Champion. I don't think the announcer's mentioned a single time that Kurt's career was over. And since it's not, of course, over, that begs the question why they bothered doing a retirement stip earlier in the show with Team 3-D. Abyss and Jeff Jarrett came out afterwards, so the new heel faction is Jeff, Hogan, Eric, Abyss, and Jarrett. What a crew. RVD came out and demanded to know what Jeff was doing, so Jeff laid him out with the belt. People were pelting the ring with garbage. We'll see what kind of heat this really is probably very soon. It certainly was unexpected, largely because the idea of turning Jeff Hardy heel sounds like the stupidest idea in the world. But we'll see. They also showed Dixie in the crowd who did, in fact, have the exact same look on her face as earlier on. That made me laugh. A newsworthy show at least. (***1/2)
841
842
843Raw (10/11/10)
844
845By Vincent Verhei
846Show opened with Cena coming out. Cole said that he was not surprised Cena was getting a mixed reaction because of the Nexus angle. Yeah, that and he’s been getting mixed reactions for five years now. Then Cena thanked the fans for their positive reaction. He said the fans last week chanted something he had heard before. No, not “Cena sucks,” he’d heard that a bunch. Last week he heard the fans chanting “Never give up.” He said he never had given up and never would. He did a fine job recapping the entire angle for new viewers. The man who has made movies and released albums said he didn’t know what he would do without WWE. Miz eventually interrupted. He came out in a grey suit that looked like it came from Vince McMahon’s closet. He said he was captaining Team Raw for Bragging Rights, and since unlike Cena he did not pick teams based on personal grudges, he wanted Cena on the team. He said last year Big Show had betrayed Raw at Bragging Rights, an angle I had completely forgotten about. Cena said he should be the captain instead. Out came Wade. He said he didn’t care about Raw or Smackdown, only Nexus and the WWE title. He said he needed Cena’s attention focused on cornering Wade for his match with Orton, and barred him from Team Raw. Cena got serious and tried to plead to Wade that he could do both. Wade said no, you’re only going to corner me. Alex Riley interrupted and suggested that Miz would cash in his briefcase after the Orton-Barrett match. Miz got pissed at him for spoiling the element of surprise. Then Cole got an e-mail. The GM announced that there would be a series of matches on the show to determine the members of Team Raw, and the main event would be Miz vs. Cena, winner gets to captain the team. Miz was fine with this. He started to talk smack to Barrett, so Barrett threw a no-hands headbutt. That ruled. Miz and Riley jumped Barrett and worked him over. Cena stood and watched, then eventually jumped in and cleared the ring. Barrett responded by giving Cena one hell of a brow-beating. Cena just nodded sheepishly. A good segment, and most importantly three-quarters of the participants were not the same old crew.
847
848Ted DiBiase vs. Truth. Truth came out rapping and dancing with Eve. Maryse just stared like she could not even process what was going on. The ref, who was that one black guy, was also self-consciously side-stepping to the beat in the background, like he knew he shouldn’t dance but just couldn’t help himself. THAT ruled. They were doing nearfalls here in a four-minute TV match. Goldust came out with the million dollar belt and Aksana to distract DiBiase. So then Truth rolled DiBiase up, and DiBiase kicked out. Truth then hit a forearm for the win. What was the point of the distraction then? Is this Impact?.
849
850John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd. Morrison’s hair was greasy and unwashed. Perhaps this was a Kurt Cobain tribute. They were in Seattle. Kidd got the heat when he cut off a dive with a head kick. Lawler noted that David Hart Smith wasn’t out there, then said he had seen him on the local news working out and plugging Raw. Slow news day in the Northwest. Kidd hooked the sharpshooter, but Morrison just rolled it back over and kicked him off. They were trading rollups when Morrison hit the one-man Spanish Fly for the win. I think Paul Burchill called that the C4. Morrison does it better than Burchill.
851
852Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty had a meeting with the Nexus B-teamers backstage. Otunga wanted to know what their deal with Wade was, and whether they were in Nexus or not. Wade showed up and told the new guys to take a walk. He said they needed to focus on taking Orton out tonight. Otunga said he would take Orton on and beat him, but if you really wanted to take him out you should send Gabriel. That was funny. Wade agreed and booked the match (I guess he can do that now) and told Otunga and Slater to be in his corner.
853
854Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder. Yes, one of these men is going to be on Team Raw. Way to go, GM. Seattle LOVED Santino. He made a comeback and actually won with the Cobra, which is the new worm, a move that is completely stupid that the crowd loves. Tamina came out to celebrate and hit a hug that was basically a Thesz press. Santino seemed confused but not unhappy about this.
855
856Justin Gabriel vs. Randy Orton. Slater and Otunga were ejected a minute in, which begs the question of why they came out in the first place. Nobody in the building thought Gabriel was going to win, which hurt the heat. There were a few moments where it looked like he wasn’t sure what to do, but he mostly did fine. After Orton’s comeback, Gabriel went for a 450. Orton tried to roll out of the way, but Gabriel came down on his back. Cole immediately started talking about Orton’s history of shoulder problems, but then Orton just stood up and hit the RKO for the win, not selling his shoulder at all. So I’m going to assume that Gabriel just overshot his target. Looked like he banged his face into Orton’s hip. Bet that sucked.
857
858They aired clips of Big Show’s movie. It appears to be a script written for Chris Farley and David Spade starring Show and the guy from Royal Pains. It did include a shot of BIG SHOW FIGHTING A BEAR, but the rest of it looked so stupid I immediately decided to never see it.
859
860Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus. Sucks to be in your hometown, dude. He ran wild at the opening, dropkicking Sheamus into the ringpost. Sheamus caught him with a uranage backbreaker for the heat. He came back and kicked the uckfay out of Sheamus and got a nearfall with a missile dropkick. Sheamus started dropping knees to the head until Bryan was nearly unconscious, just like last week. He went to finish him with the Celtic Cross but Bryan rolled him up for one more nearfall before Sheamus finished him off with the Brogue kick. This did wonders for Bryan, but he’s still got a ways to go after the way they destroyed him last week.
861
862Truth met with Cena backstage. He said they’d been buddies for a long time, but Cena joining Nexus wasn’t sitting too well for the locker room. He said if Barrett ordered you to take one of out, you’d do it, wouldn’t you? Cena just sat there with a blank stare. Truth said he knew Cena was in a tough spot, but said there was another way out of this: “Just quit.”.
863
864We got a promo piece on all the work WWE does with soldiers, including guys like Hogan and Rock. You know the deal. It was a hell of a video, that’s all I have to say.
865
866Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk. Punk won in three minutes with the go to sleep. A very effective glorified squash. Punk destroyed him afterwards, throwing him into the walls and post and then hooking the anaconda vice while screaming “NOTHING PERSONAL!” He had been getting a strong mixed reaction, but this turned a lot of fans against him, so it worked.
867
868After break, Natalya was in the ring. She said the most important thing uncle Bret had ever taught her was to stand up for herself and vowed to win the Diva’s title at Bragging Rights. LayCool interrupted. They made fun of her for being boring and the camera caught her laughing at their jokes. They said she was courageous enough to appear on national television every week with her flaws. They made fun of her for having her dad’s beard, then put the obvious Photoshop on the big screen. Natalya was still laughing. She said LayCool were the most annoying Divas ever, then said their IQ was lower than their waist size. They took this as a compliment. This just kept going and going and GOING. And then LayCool just left. They turned around to find the rest of the Divas blocking their exit. Natalya put Layla in the sharpshooter, but Michelle saved her and they fled. This was terrible.
869
870Cena vs. Miz. Riley hit Cena with a clothesline on the floor thirty seconds in. Apparently this was no-DQ. Well, shouldn’t Miz and Riley just do the entire match 2-on-1 then? Sho nuff, that’s about what they did. They teased assorted table spots, then Cena got shoved off into the barricade. Later he charged at Miz, but Miz dodged, pulling the padding off the barricade, and Cena ran into the exposed steel. Then he made his comeback 30 seconds later in the ring. He dodged a briefcase shot and hooked the STF. Riley tried to save, but Cena cut him off and put him in the STF. Cena let go and he rolled outside, but then Harris and McGillicutty hit the ring to lay Cena out, and then Miz covered him for the pin. So Team Raw is Miz, Truth, Morrison, Sheamus, Punk, and Santino, with one more guy to be named later. Miz and Riley left to the back. Harris and McGillicutty taunted Cena, so he went after them until Barrett ran down to pull him off. The GM said that next week, Harris and McGillicutty would have their first official match against Cena and Orton. All three men were fine with this. Barrett said that if Cena lost that match, he would induct Harris and McGillicutty into Nexus, and ordered Cena to do “the right thing.” He started mocking Cena, baiting him to throw a punch. He said Cena wouldn’t do it, not because of the GM, but because he was scared, a coward, yellow-bellied, spineless. He turned his back on Cena, said he didn’t have the guts to do anything, and he was pathetic. Cena just stood there screaming. He went to leave, but Barrett ordered him to stop. Then he said until next week – “YOU CAN’T SEE ME!” OK, that was great. Cena hung his head and walked to the back. Divas bullshit aside, this was a damn fine episode of Raw.
871
872~~~~~
873
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876OCT. 19 FIGURE FOUR WEEKLY: A PLEA TO TNA REGARDING THE BOOKING OF IMPACT
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880
881By Bryan Alvarez
882
883Coming off Bound for Glory 2010, TNA Impact did its highest rating on a Thursday night since January 21, 2010, a 1.37 with 1.9 million viewers. The rating was cause for celebration among most at Spike TV and TNA. But the overall number also blinded people to a disturbing stat, a badly declining ratings pattern throughout the show, and so it is that immediately after TNA scored its highest rating since January, I am again calling for the current writing team to be replaced.
884
885It is no secret that I'm not a fan of Impact. I think it is largely a terrible pro-wrestling show. Obviously there are a lot of people who disagree with me. In fact, I can give you a number, approximately 1.5 million people in the United States. This is pretty much TNA's base audience on Thursday nights at 9 p.m. These people are going to watch Impact no matter how good or bad the show is. A small number of them will tune out if there is very strong competition on another channel, but in general, these are the super hardcore TNA viewers. I can tell you from experience that they are very passionate fans, and they get very upset if you tell them that Impact sucks. I can also tell you that as passionate as they are about TNA, they aren't passionate enough to spend money on the product to anything resembling what would be required for TNA to be profitable.
886
887When people talk about the lack of growth in TNA, a lot of different factors are cited. The one I hear most often is that there is a lack of awareness of the product. Several former WWE stars who are now in TNA have noted that fans often ask why they're not wrestling anymore, as if they are completely oblivious to the fact that TNA exists. Others repeat ad nauseum in interviews that they just have to get people aware of TNA, and once they do TNA will be competitive with WWE. And of course you have people defending TNA's usage of B-level celebrities, saying that when, for example, JWoww gets mentioned on TMZ.com, that increases the awareness of TNA which could lead to more people sampling the product.
888
889Here's the problem. The "lack of awareness of TNA" is a myth that should have been dispelled in January of this year. Lost in the story of the failed Monday Night War of 2010 is the fact that, for at least 15 minutes, the War was not a failure at all. On January 4th at 9 p.m. ET (meaning this doesn't count a single viewer of the West Coast feed), exactly 8,329,000 people were watching professional wrestling in America. To put this in perspective, let's jump back pretty much exactly ten years to October 16, 2000, during the waning days of the Monday Night Wars. Now granted, WCW was close to death, but they were still doing a 2.33 rating, and Raw was doing a 4.83. The combined audience for the night was 7.6 million viewers -- almost 1 million viewers less than were watching Raw and Impact on January 4, 2010. One month later, in what was considered a good week for Raw and Nitro at the time, the combined audience was 8.1 million, still less than the number of people watching Raw and Impact on January 4th.
890
891Impact at 9 p.m. on January 4th was viewed by 2.9 million people. Last week's Smackdown on Syfy was viewed by 2.6 million people over the entire two hours. More people were watching Impact at 9 p.m. on January 4th then watched Smackdown on Syfy last week. For a more fair comparison, the difference between Impact's January 4th 9 p.m. quarter hour rating and the entire Smackdown season average for 2009-2010 was only 400,000 viewers.
892
893This does not sound like a lack of awareness of TNA to me.
894
895The bottom line is that the issue is not that people don't know TNA exists. The issue is that there are a lot of people that know it exists and think it sucks.
896
897Impact this past Thursday night opened at a 1.53 rating and 2.1 million viewers. That means that 600,000 people who don't normally watch the show tuned in. Spike TV believed it was due to JWoww's appearance on the show, though that doesn't really make any sense when you consider that her quarter hour ended up doing the lowest-rated quarter of the entire two-hour block. Most likely, 600,000 people heard about Bound for Glory and Jeff Hardy's heel turn and were intrigued enough to check out the show.
898
899Why would people check out a show that they had already given up on probably several times in the past? The answer, to me, has to do with the most infuriating thing about Impact. I can handle a bad television show that has no redeeming qualities. I enjoyed the first episode of Wrestlelicious, for example. I would watch Heroes of Wrestling again. I have fond memories of YAMMA. I wouldn't want to watch these types of shows every week or even every month, but as occassional stand-alone events I am able to amuse myself by sitting there in awe at the stupidity of it all. With Impact, it's different. The reason people are willing to come back here and there and give Impact another chance is because they have HOPE. TNA has a roster of great wrestlers. It could probably be argued that their roster is more talented than WWE's top-to-bottom. If you ignore the booking, Impact itself has a more exciting and dynamic feel than Raw. And because they don't script everything or put handcuffs on people, for the most part the interviews are much better and there is a greater variety of wrestling styles.
900
901All of these positives are rendered moot by the idiotic booking and frenetic nature of Impact. This is not an opinion. This is a statement borne out of hard data, Thursday's rating being a prime example. It would be one thing if the rating pattern, which saw the show fall from a 1.5 to 1.2 over two hours, was an abberation, but it's not. With rare exceptions, the pattern is an ongoing collapse.
902
903I enjoyed the first 45 minutes or so of Impact. Sure, there wasn't a shred of wrestling on the show during that period, but to me, the amount of in-ring action on a show is not the most important factor in determining whether a show is any good. To me, the determining factor of whether a show is any good is if it's any good. Meaning, if you only have five minutes of wrestling on a two-hour show, but the remaining one hour and 55 minutes of non-wrestling is great, it's a great show. On the flip side, if you have a show that features one hour and 45 minutes of wrestling in a two-hour program, and that wrestling is all horrible, the show sucks. Wrestling shows are good or bad based on the quality of what is presented, regardless of what that is.
904
905The first "wrestling match" on Impact was Tara laying down for Madison Rayne in what was actually an angle disguised as a three-second wrestling match. It was god-awful, and not just because Eric Bischoff, in ten years, learned nothing about the Finger Poke Of Doom spot and the wonders it does for business. Not that the Knockouts title is going to make a difference anyway, but still. My patience was beginning to wear thin. We then got another thirty straight minutes of talking. I should note that if a single person actually did tune into Impact to see JWoww, after an hour and fifteen minutes of talking – particuarly fifteen minutes of that going head-to-head with the real Jersey Shore – those people were long gone by the time she came out. I thought to myself at the hour and fifteen minute mark that this was the period where there had to be a giant exodus from the show, because if this wasn't my job that was the point where I'd have completely given up.
906
907Imagine my surprise when I looked at the ratings pattern and found that the show dropped from a 1.43 to a 1.35 during that segment and never recovered. (For those imagining, I was not surprised at all.) In fact, it fell steadily from that point forward. Earlier I said the show closed at a 1.23, but that's not entirely correct. The two-hour period ended there, but the main event of the show went 15 minutes into Reaction from 11-11:15 p.m. and did a 1.15 rating. Keep in mind that Raw sometimes adds 1 million viewers for their main event overrun periods at 11 p.m. TNA not only didn't add anything close to that, but their main event, which they spent two hours building towards, where Mr. Anderson and Rob Van Dam fought to determine who would face the newly-turned Jeff Hardy for the TNA Title, lost 110,000 viewers.
908
909Celebrating over the biggest rating since January misses the most important point about this show. It is such an important point that TNA ignoring it is the biggest example of why they have no chance of success with the current group of people in charge. The fact is this: TNA did its highest rating since January because 600,000 new viewers decided to give them a shot after Bound for Glory and Jeff Hardy's heel turn. By the time the show was over, statistically, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WAS GONE.
910
911The importance of this fact cannot be understated, because it's the single biggest reason that TNA cannot garner any sort of real momentum. The story of the Monday Night Wars was that a bunch of new people -- well over a million, in fact -- gave TNA a chance, and within a matter of weeks the programming was such that they gave up. That is the story. And despite the massive failure that was this war, TNA didn't change ANYTHING. The same booking committee is still in charge, and here we are nine months later with the EXACT same thing happening all over again.
912
913Now, granted, this is an awful lot to write about one week's rating, especially during the week that it occurred. Maybe they'll do another 1.4 this coming Thursday and by mid-November have 2.1 million viewers consistently watching the show. Personally, I believe that this story will be just as valid in mid-November as it is today, because the fact of the matter is that the same booking committee is still in charge, and since the same thing happened last week that happened in January, I am confident – overly confident, in fact – that this same ratings pattern will continue unabated.
914
915Here is an interesting fact. As noted, Thursday's Impact rating fell off at 10:15 p.m. and never recovered. Guess what happened on October 7th? Same thing. Show fell from a 1.44 at 10:15 to a 1.32 and never recovered. September 30th? Fell from a 1.25 at 10:15 to a 1.21, then to a 1.10 and a 1.08. September 23rd? Fell from a 1.06 at 10:15 to a 1.04, then down to a 1.03 and a 1.0. September 16th? Fell from a 1.33 at 10:15 to two straight 1.12s and a 1.10 to finish.
916
917This is a ridiculously consistent pattern. There was not even a single aberration in five straight weeks. When people tell me that they think Impact is good, I am baffled and wonder by what set of criteria they are applying this label. Any other two-hour entertainment product in the world that had a consistent turn-off factor at the 75-minute mark would not be considered good. Imagine the review a movie would get if Roger Ebert noted that a fair percentage of the audience walked out halfway through it. Imagine what would happen to your average network television show if, during the pilot episode, a substantial portion of the audience tuned out halfway through and the final quarter of the show was the lowest-rated of the night. In fact, you don't have to imagine. I'll tell you. That movie would be skewered and that television show would be canceled, regardless of whether it had further episodes in the can or not.
918
919How about some examples? In the past month alone, both Lone Star and The Outlaw were both canceled. Lone Star, which ran at 9 p.m. on Fox, did poor ratings the first week and lower ratings on week two. The conclusion was that most people weren't interested going in, and many that tuned in for week one didn't like it enough to come back for week two. It was promptly canceled. This is what happened with Impact over several weeks in January, and what continues to happen with Impact over two hours on a regular basis. The Outlaw was also canceled. This NBC show did a 1.0 on week one, and even though viewers were down 11 percent on week two it managed to hold steady with another 1.0 rating. Steady, however, does not equal success on NBC. Canceled.
920
921"No network, cable or otherwise, wants to see declines from a show week to week," said one television source. "Let alone inside the content of a show."
922
923Raw has been declining week-to-week, people will say. This is true, as the show goes head-to-head with a strong season of Monday Night Football. But Raw is still pulling 4.5 million viewers per show, sometimes as high as 5 million, and it is a rare week when the second hour of Raw shows a decline from hour one. In fact, when it happens, a couple of times per year at most, it is a pretty big story. People will note that Raw also has a consistent 10:15 p.m. drop. Also true. However, unlike with TNA, those people who drop come back for the main event en masse. Nobody I talked to in WWE could even remember a time when the quarter-hour ratings for the entire show fell consistently throughout the evening, or a time when the main event was the lowest-rated segment on the show. If this ever happened, a WWE source deadpanned, "it’d be a bad day the next day." Yet for TNA and Spike TV, Thursday's rating was cause for celebration.
924
925To me, opening at 2.1 million viewers and closing at 1.6 million is not cause for celebration. What I would like to see is TNA opening at 2.1 million viewers and closing at 2.5 million. Frankly, even that should not be cause for celebration because that's what any other television show anywhere in the known world would be expected to do. TNA fans should not hold Impact to a drastically lower standard just because they are fans of the show. That is counterproductive. They should demand, at worst, the same standard of quality as any other successful television show, which includes a writing team that can do what any other writing team anywhere else on television would be expected to do, that being sustain or grow the viewership over a two-hour period. They should particularly demand this of TNA, since this writing crew clearly would rather be television sitcom writers than wrestling bookers.
926
927I once ranted about a gold boat on one of our radio shows. Basically, TNA fans like to claim that the reason I complain about TNA all the time is because I hate the company and want it to die. This could not be further from the truth. As a fan, the best house show I ever attended was a TNA house show in Kent, Wash., and if I could see the talent in TNA utilized in such a fashion every Thursday night at 9 p.m. I'd be as happy as a person could be. From a business standpoint, our website is so much more successful now than when I only published a print newsletter that it's not even funny. If the Monday Night Wars of the mid-'90s were happening today, I cannot even imagine the level of success we'd achieve. I would have enough money, I said on that radio show, to buy a boat made out of solid gold, and tie it to palm trees in my front yard here in Seattle. There is literally no good reason, either as a fan or businessperson, for me to desire that TNA cease to exist. This is the entire reason I get so upset – because TNA has a world of potential and the continual failures and ongoing disaster that is TNA Impact is infuriating.
928
929If TNA fans really loved TNA, instead of complaining about people who dissect Impact they should take a close look at the hard evidence which very clearly points to the Impact booking committee being the single biggest hindrance to the further growth of the company. You will notice that I have not mentioned the name of any single individual on the writing committee. That is because to me it does not matter who the head writer is as long as that person is producing a successful product. If the person pulling the strings is causing TNA to dance its way towards success it would not matter to me if that person was Kim Kardashian (who, given the near-inexplicable success of her show and the strong and consistent increase in ratings season to season, might be a better Impact booker than those presently writing for TNA). Instead of complaining about "biased journalists" or people "holding a grudge," TNA fans should look in the mirror and realize that their blind support of a terrible product will do far more damage long-term than addressing the very serious issues at hand. The current booking committee has been given chance after chance and show a continued inability to produce a television program that either sustains the interest of new viewers or causes the current viewers to spend money on the product. Therefore, they have failed at at every measurable aspect of their job. If TNA is ever going to have a real chance to succeed, this committee must be replaced.
930
931
932The Essential Stories
933UKers Beaten at UFC 120
934
935It was a tough night for the European fighters at the UFC 120 event on October 16th from the O2 Arena in London, England. One hometown star after another dropped on the undercard, most notably Dan Hardy, the most popular fighter on the show, who lost in the first round via spectacular knockout to former WEC mid-carder Carlos Condit. The thumbs-in-the-middle event was saved for UK fans when Michael Bisping won a three-round decision over Yoshihiro Akiyama in the main event, winning 30-27 on all three scorecards.
936
937Lesnar vs. Cain Preview
938
939The so-called biggest heavyweight fight in MMA history takes place Saturday night, October 23rd from the Honda Center in Anaheim, Calif., as UFC Heavyweight Champ Brock Lesnar takes on undefeated Cain Velasquez in the main event of UFC 121. Cain is the better all-around fighter, but Brock has more size, power and experience. The two have been the focus of a multi-part All Access series on Spike which has done very strong ratings, suggesting this show should easily top 1 million buys. Undercard fights include former Strikeforce Middleweight Champion Jake Shields vs. Martin Kampmann, and, believe it or not, the completely unpromoted Tito Ortiz returning to the Octagon to face Matt Hamill.
940
941Matt Hardy Released
942
943Matt Hardy was finally given his WWE release on October 15th, shortly after posting a YouTube video taped some time back showing several WWE stars eating at a restaurant, including an unmasked Rey Mysterio. WWE had gone back and forth on whether to release him, with the prevailing opinion being that the only reason he was being kept around was in the hopes that when Jeff Hardy's TNA contract expired Jeff would return to WWE as long as Matt was there. Jeff has been telling people in TNA that he'll never return to WWE, ever, and posted online that he was very upset at WWE's handling of his brother's situation. Matt is almost certain to join his brother in TNA when his 90-day no-compete expires in early 2011.
944
945Linda/Blumenthal Gap Widens
946
947With two weeks left before the Connecticut Senate election, the polling gap between Linda McMahon and Richard Blumenthal widened, with the release of the latest Quinnipiac poll on Thursday showing Blumenthal's lead increasing to 11 points. McMahon had been within a few percentage points early in October, but lost ground in recent weeks among independents and women. Vince McMahon, obviously frustrated, sent out a press release decrying Democracts for supporting WWE's nonpartisan voting campaign in past years and then essentially turning on the company during this race. Both sides are set to unleash the heavy ammunition over the final 14 days.
948
949Cause of Death For Cade, Vachon
950
951Toxicology results came in this week for both Luna Vachon and Lance Cade. Vachon's August 27th death was ruled an accidental overdose of Oxycodone (a heavy-duty painkiller) and Benzodiazepine (which has many prescribed uses including, as an anti-anxiety medication). Cade's August 13th death was the result of "mixed drug intoxication, complicating a cardiomyopathy." In other words, Cade had an already weakened or enlarged heart, likely due to nearly a decade of on-and-off steroid use, and a mixture of drugs triggered a heart attack. A New Haven Register article quoted WWE spokesman Robert Zimmerman as saying the company had received an e-mail Cade had sent to another wrestler last March claiming that he'd ordered two different types of steroids and expected to fail his next drug test. He was released by the company shortly afterwards.
952
953CMLL Invaders Angle Tanking
954
955CMLL's latest big show, Entre el Cielo and el Infierno (Between Heaven and Hell), drew only 6,700 fans for a CMLL vs. Invaders themed event headlined by Charly Manson beating Negro Casas in a hair vs. hair match. Despite several weeks of hype the show drew slightly below the two-month company average, which has some expecting that during creative meetings this week the company will put together storylines designed to blow-off the feud by December's year-end spectacular. The low turnout was a real surprise considering that September was CMLL's best month in years both in the ring and financially, and it comes the week after WWE ran their lowest-drawing Mexico tour since regular touring began.
956
957Kojima New IWGP Champion
958
959Satoshi Kojima beat Togi Makabe in the main event of the October 11th New Japan show at Tokyo Ryogoku Kokugikan to win the IWGP World Heavyweight title before an announced crowd of 8,800. Kojima used a lariat to win the title for the second time in his career in what was reported to be a very good match. In fact, the last five matches were all said to be excellent, particularly the Kota Ibushi & Kenny Omega IWGP Jr. Tag Title win over Prince Devitt & Ryusuke Taguchi, which was said to be one of the best matches of 2010.
960
961Live Seattle Raw Report
962
963I attended the October 11th Raw taping in Seattle. The show, which drew approximately 8,500, was, like other Northwest events in past years, different from your usual kid-heavy WWE crowd with mostly middle-aged adults in attendance. John Cena and Randy Orton were the only two to get real superstar reactions. Daniel Bryan was very popular being from the area, and Santino was extremely popular as well. The show was fun and the main event angle with Cena and Barrett got over bigger with the live crowd than anything else on the show by a wide margin. They heavily plugged their return in May for Over the Limit.
964
965Bragging Rights Line-up
966
967Sunday's PPV from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota has Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett for the WWE Title with John Cena in Barrett's corner doing his bidding; Big Show & Rey Mysterio & Jack Swagger & Alberto Del Rio & Edge & Tyler Reks & Kofi Kingston vs. Miz & Truth & John Morrison & Santino & Sheamus & CM Punk & Ezekiel Jackson in a Raw vs. Smackdown match; one of Laycool vs. Natalya for the Divas Title; Kane vs. Undertaker for the World Title in a Buried Alive match; and Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler in a non-unification champion vs. champion match. No one is buying this show.
968
969
970Reviews
971
972Bryan's Friend Vince's Video Review: Prime Time Wrestling (2/11/91)
973Sent in by our dear friend Jubs, who will hopefully stop sending me harassing PMs now.
974
975I can’t even explain the intro. They pointed out that they were not from a big league city like Chicago or New York, they were from rinky-dink Connecticut near a bowling alley. Oh God, it’s not the Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan studio version of this show, it’s the one with Vince McMahon and Heenan doing goofball comedy in front of a live crowd of a few dozen people. First of all, WHAT THE HELL WAS VINCE WEARING? I didn’t even know they made chartreuse long-sleeve workout shirts with matching sweatpants. So they told jokes about the queen of England and then Vince scared Bobby with a rubber snake and the crowd laughed uproariously.
976
977Demolition vs. Tito Santana & Koko B. Ware. Joined in progress. Demolition here was Smash and Crush. There was a lot of flagrant crowd sweetening here. Mr. Fuji low-bridged Santana for the heat, so apparently we didn’t miss much. Sad fact: Brian Adams is the only man here born after 1960, and now he’s the only one dead. Koko got the hot tag and made a comeback, including a top rope dropkick where he landed on his feet. It was not as cool as it sounds, I assure you. The crowd sweetening was also even more amazing here. So then Koko lifted Smash up for a brainbuster, and Crush kicked Koko’s leg, and Smash fell on top of him for the pinfall. The deal with the brainbuster is, while it appears the victim is falling right onto their head, in reality they land on their back and their head barely touches the canvas, if at all. Except in this case, where Smash landed ON HIS FOREHEAD. God, this was brutal. He seemed OK afterward.
978
979They aired a commercial for a TV special main evented by Hulk Hogan vs. General Adnan. Really.
980
981Hart Foundation vs. Pete Sanchez & John Martin. YAY! SQUASH MATCH! Pete Sanchez had Dan Severn’s haircut and moustache. Harts were cheered, but still cheated flagrantly. Piper explained they had a match coming up with the Nasty Boys, and they were preparing to “fight terror.” They aired a Nasty Boys inset promo where every guy (including Jimmy Hart) shouted one sentence and then they all cackled. I am so in love with this right now. Harts won with the Hart Attack. Wrestling needs a lot more squash matches these days.
982
983Back in the studio, they welcomed the MACHO KING RANDY SAVAGE. He made fun of Vince for singing Stand Back and then suggested he was forced to wear his outfit at gunpoint. I got about halfway through this and determined it was so awesome I needed to watch it from the beginning again. They had a throne for him. “AH HA! YEAH!” he declared. “FITS GOOD! I LIKE IT!” Vince suggested Randy would lose his upcoming loser must retire match against the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania and there was a noise from the crowd. “A DISCOURAGING WORD FROM THE AUDIENCE!” Savage roared. “COME ON DOWN HERE AND TALK TO THE MACHO KING!” Vince said “That could happen.” “What,” Savage queried, “they’ll come down here and talk to the Macho King?” Vince said no, you could lose the career match. Savage explained that his career was much higher than Warrior’s, and Warrior needed the match so he’d be able to tell people at age 88 that he lost to the Macho King. They aired clips of Savage’s first WWF match, and the introduction of Miss Elizabeth. Savage said he did not remember picking this woman, whatever her name was. They showed him winning the IC title from Tito Santana. Half a decade later, Vince was still outraged that Savage cheated to win. They aired the finish of Savage-Steamboat from Mania III, with Vince calling it one of the best matches of all time. Savage called the loss a blessing in disguise. He did not use these exact words. What he actually said was “The Macho King in the sky smiled down on me in a reverse type of effect!” They summarized the entire MegaPowers saga. They showed Savage introducing Sherri Martel as his manager on the Brother Love show, then the in-ring coronation after he defeated Jim Duggan to become king of the WWF. Then they showed Savage attacking Warrior during a title defense on Saturday Night’s Main Event, then interfering at Royal Rumble to cost Warrior his title against Sergeant Slaughter.
984
985After commercial they brought Sherri out. She said she had brought parting gifts for Warrior. The first was a cowbell. Because, Savage explained, Warrior’s going out to pasture. Then Warrior and Sherri and Heenan cackled and the crowd booed. This is all that wrestling was meant to be. The next gift was a towel – because Warrior was all washed up. Heenan was wiping away tears. Next was a telephone, because Warrior was calling it quits. Vince asked what Sherri would do if Savage lost the match. She threw a tantrum and vowed to stand by her man, but said nobody was beating Savage anyway.
986
987Mr. Perfect vs. a jobber. The victim was never named. He had a mullet and a moustache. I’m sure that helps. Also, Gorilla Monsoon called him a youngster. They aired a Big Bossman inset, wherein he vowed to eliminate the last member of the Heenan Family (Perfect) at Mania and win the IC title. Perfect won with the Perfectplex. I repeat my demand for more squash matches.
988
989The Viking vs. Brian Costello. Viking was Nord the Barbarian doing a Bruiser Brody gimmick in a silly Halloween costume. It did not get over. Fuji cut an inset promo saying only he could control the Viking. “Boy,” Heenan said about the Viking, “is this man interesting.” Viking then dumped Costello over the top rope to win by countout. That was his finisher. He did that to Randy the Pimp Taylor once and broke his leg. He followed with a pescado into a kneedrop on the floor on Costello. That was fucking dumb.
990
991Gene Okerlund plugged WWF toys, allegedly from an actual Toys R Us store. He ran into Bossman and asked what he was doing there. Bossman said he was there to apprehend all the lawbreaking action figures and started tossing DiBiase and Savage dolls through the air. Then he cuffed Gene to the shelf and ran away.
992
993Haku vs. Davey Boy Smith. Sean Mooney calmly explained that Smith had recently added 35 pounds of muscle. Smith then proceeded to bedevil Haku with his agility, doing assorted rolls and leapfrogs and dropkicks. He hit a monkey flip, but when he tried a second one Haku hit an atomic drop for the heat. He hit a piledriver for a nearfall. There was a long sleeperhold spot with more ridiculous sweetening. Davey Boy made his comeback, got cut off, then won with a crucifix. This was the most boring part of the show.
994
995Back in the studio, Vince had changed into a black-and-white getup, apparently tired of looking like a giant banana on national TV. He brought out Jake Roberts to show off some of his snakes. Jake had some badass snakeskin boots on, because he towered over Vince. I know he’s tall, but he’s not 6-foot-9. Jake began by plugging his upcoming BLINDFOLD MATCH against Rick Martel. He had been making jokes about snakes and weasels, but when Martel’s name came up he got deathly intense and cut a JAKE ROBERTS PROMO. Heenan was standing in the crowd making violin motions. They did this so Jake would have a reason to demand Heenan join them for the snake show, but it really distracted from Jake’s promo. Then Jake showed off a temple viper, several varieties of cobras, and a rattlesnake. He explained these were all very, very deadly. Heenan continued to flip him shit. Roberts eyed him. “It’s obvious you have never been in a fight.” The last was Lucifer, Damian’s big brother. Then they goosed Heenan and he ran off. More to come.
996
997
998WCW Nitro (4/27/98)
999In April of 1998 WCW was doing outrageous business. They were selling out show after show, they were destroying WWE in the ratings, they had all the big stars (Ric Flair, Sting, Bret Hart, Goldberg, Hogan), and on and on. And that month I wrote a cover story about how they were in deep trouble if they didn't make some major changes. There were people -- particularly WCW fans -- who thought I was an idiot at the time. Well, three years later WCW was dead. I'm not saying WWE is dead in three years, but WWE has some major problems and in many ways is not doing nearly as well as WCW was doing in the spring of 1998. So there are lessons to be learned from this show.
1000
1001Show opened with Macho Man threatening Bret Hart.
1002
1003The Nitro Girls came out and danced and were interrupted by Alex Wright, who was quickly carted off by security.
1004
1005Out came Randy Savage, who amazingly in 2010 is retired, and Kevin Nash. Savage was remarkably large. Nash did Scott Hall's usual poll. He asked how many people came to see WCW and everyone booed. Then he asked who came to see the NWO. People chanted "NWO!," but then they booed. I hate how every time I type "NWO" Microsoft Word changes it to "NOW." I think I have it fixed now by eliminating autocorrect but that annoyed me since, well, before April of 1998. Anyway, Nash explained why Hall wasn't there. Didn't have a good reason. I presume he'd crashed his 16th car. Nash said Wolfpac was expanding and Savage was the newest member. He said Bret had hit him in the head with a belt, and if there was anything left after Savage got through with him then Nash would pick the bones. Actually, he said, "I'll be your huckleberry," a line from Tombstone many years earlier. Savage said Hogan wasn't there but that was fine. He then said a nonsensical line I could not interpret. Nash was wearing a black t-shirt tucked into his jeans, and his jeans were tucked into his boots. And he had a gut. Nash called out the next new member, Konnan. K-Dogg took a mic, put over both guys, then said Hogan didn't want any of this. They began singing about how much they loved Hogan. This was quite wacky.
1006
1007They showed footage of a massive clusterfuck last week where Bret hit Nash with a belt and then put an unconscious Hogan on top of an unconscious Savage for a pinfall.
1008
1009Juvie had just been unmasked because Bischoff didn't feel that a masked guy could ever get over. We got a Juvie video package. He didn't have much to say except that he was an Aztec Warrior. Hey, me too. He said Jericho took his mask but he'd never take his pride. "I would never say I Quit!".
1010
1011Jericho came out with the Cruiserweight Title and a poster of Dean Malenko. He welcomed us to Monday Night Jericho. He buried Juvie, then interviewed the poster of Malenko. Of course, Dean had nothing to say. People booed. He said he was dedicating this match to Dean. Jericho was overflowing with charisma, slotted, of course, as a midcarder for life. Jericho vs. Chavo. Eddy Guerrero was there with Chavo. That was sad. They had a great two-minute match, then Jericho beat him with a lion tamer. Eddy slapped Chavo afterwards and they got into a huge argument as Jericho egged him on. Eddy also slotted as midcarder for life in WCW.
1012
1013They showed Juvie unmasking.
1014
1015Clips aired of Rick Steiner legit breaking Buff Bagwell's neck. For those not around, Buff made a miraculous recovery, fought and scratched his way back to WCW, and then they turned him heel. That was an epic fail.
1016
1017Announcers were trying to figure out why Bret Hart had done what he'd done last week. Then they talked about Bagwell's neck surgery, and Tony and Bobby talked about it as guys who had both had a procedure done. They said he'd just had surgery and they'd update us the next night.
1018
1019Clips aired of Savage bitching about Bret. Is there any wrestling on this show?
1020
1021Eric and Hogan came out. This was almost 13 years ago. Brutus Beefcake was there with them. Hogan did a promo saying he would "be it all for the rest of eternity." Hey, he was right about that. Brutus the Bearded Beefcake just stood there behind him. Hulk buried Nash and Savage. Crowd told Hogan he sucked. Hogan said there was nothing left to conquer, no further promoters to break in half. Well, he was wrong about that one. He talked and talked and talked. Much of it was nonsensical. CAN WE GET SOME FUCKING WRESTLING? He said the reason Bret did what he did was because he knew where the power laid, brother. We're just too SWEET~!, he noted.
1022
1023They showed a clip of Piper -- RODDY PIPER -- yelling at Bret, then Bret punched him. We're almost an hour into the show and we've had one match that went less than two minutes.
1024
1025And then we got SCOTT NORTON VS. GOLDBERG. They had a shockingly good match. Norton worked over his shoulder and gave him his shoulderbreaker, but Goldberg kicked out. Norton tried an armbar but Goldberg wouldn't say uncle. Norton tried another shoulderbreaker but Goldberg powered out, speared him and hit the jackhammer for the pin. They said he was now 77-0. And everyone is well aware of how they fucked his one up.
1026
1027Gene interviewed Bret Hart. Four minutes of wrestling in the first hour. What a coincidence to review this on this particular week. Bret said there was no room for guilt or innocence in wrestling, and that the business was a terrible place where good men died like dogs. He said Savage had talked about him for years but never had the guts to step into the ring with him. He said Savage was half troll and half lizard and didn't have what it took to beat him. Okerlund asked, "Why Bret why?" Bret said he was sick of hearing that. He said what he wanted to say to Hogan was something that would have to wait until tomorrow night.
1028
1029Show was monstrously boring. And keep in mind this was at the company's business peak. I should note that on the other channel this same evening, DX was attempting to invade WCW in an angle that has become legendary. People will try to defend this show saying it was an aberration, only an hour long, and that the usual two-hour Impact was scheduled for the next night. I'm not sure how that defends this show in any way. It was still head-to-head with Raw in the normal time slot. What would be the purpose of intentionally booking a boring show?
1030
1031
1032WWE Madison Square Garden (6/17/84)
1033Rocky Johnson & Tito Santana vs. Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch from June 17, 1984. I had just turned 9. Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund did commentary. It was funny watching Johnson work because Rock moved exactly like him 15 years later. Adonis looked remarkably like Husky Harris. Tito was Intercontinental Champion at the time. Very good basic tag team action. Tito did some highspots early, then got cut off. They kept Johnson on the apron for most of the match. There were some rowdy fans here, throwing shit at the ring throughout the match. Santana took a slam on the cement outside. You should have seen him sell this. He acted like he might very well have to retire, and Rocky ran over there to try to help him with a back massage. Keep in mind that on the last WWE PPV John Morrison took a skull crushing finale on cement -- head-first, mind you -- and he was on his feet 30 seconds later climbing a lighting stand to do a high spot. That is why nobody gives a fuck nowadays. They're watching cartoons, not faux sporting events for which it's fun to suspend your disbelief. Murdoch gave Santana some elbows to the throat behind the ref's back, so Johnson ran over to massage him again. This Johnson is quite the rubber. Referee was Joey Marella, Monsoon's son who ended up dying in a car wreck. Heels hit a combo backbreaker on Tito but Tito kicked out and swearing erupted. Tito finally got desperate and did a series of sit-outs and rolls leading to the hot tag. ROCKY JOHNSON THEN WENT APESHIT. He vaulted into the ring, did a wild dance, shook and shimmied and threw punches as the place went nuts. It was like the best hot tag I've seen in years. Broke down into a four-way. Babyfaces threw the heels towards each other and Murdoch could not help but backdrop his partner as they raced at each other. Murdoch took a bump outside and then Rocky hit Adonis with the most horrendous splash in history for the pin. Then a graphic on the screen said, "Rocky Johnson, Tito Santana, WINNERS." I nearly wept. HOT DAMN THIS WAS GREAT.
1034
1035
1036World Class Championship Wrestling (11/5/83)
1037Popular Mike Reed vs. "Blackie Gordman." Gordman was 47 here but looked ten years older. He was wearing a red singlet with red tights and black trunks. He was pretty amazing in a lot of ways. I would have killed to have had a match with him. Reed was a generic early '80s pro wrestler. Gordman worked him over with leg holds. During the heat he yelled, and I quote, "Mexican, shut up!" Yes, Victor Manuel Barajas told a Mexican in the crowd to shut up. Gordman, who may have invented the DDT in the mid-'70s in Texas, once worked, as a trivia note, as Asian Terror #1. Popular Mike Reed did a comeback and then Gordman did a pasado, which is basically a side-step, and Reed fell on his face like a complete fool. So Gordman pinned him with his DDT. I still loved everything about this.
1038
1039Princess Victoria vs. The Very Capable Judy Martin. Martin was, in fact, pretty damn capable. These two weren't nearly as athletic as even some of the girls like Kelly Kelly, but as far as being able to perform a competent wrestling match, they were very good. Judy was also a great heel. It was so weird to watch a wrestling TV show where 95 percent of the show was wrestling. You'd have to go back to like Lita vs. Trish Stratus in 2004 to see a women's match this length on free TV. Or even PPV for that matter. It went on forever. It was never horrible but it wasn't all that exciting until Victoria made a big comeback. People were into it. She hit a high cross out of nowhere for the pin and the people went apeshit. No post-match attack by the heel to "get her heat back," nothing. PRO WRESTLING.
1040
1041We got a Kevin Von Erich video package. Not sure what the original music was but they edited in something that strongly resembled a '70s porn theme. It was footage of him being kissed by girls on the way to the ring, doing matches, and leaping high into the air. Then it ended.
1042
1043Junk Yard Dog vs. Kimala. Not making this match up. It was as awesomely horrible as you'd imagine. I fought a lot about whether to use "horribly awesome" or "awesomely horrible." They did a long-ass choking battle, then Dog went for a SLEEP HOLD. Kamala fought back with a DOUBLE TIT HOLD. Dog finally took a bump and Kimala did his splash, but Dog kicked out. Akbar tied up the Dog, but Junkyard yanked him into the ring and started choking him. This was a DQ. Wow, rules in wrestling. Kimala chopped Dog, then went for a second one but Dog ducked and Akbar took the shot. Place went nuts. Great pro-wrestling action this was.
1044
1045Wait there's more! Chris Adams & Johnny Mantell vs. Terry Gordy & Michael Hayes. Mantell was laid out immediately with the ORIENTAL SPIKE. Fans chanted "GO HOME FREEBIRDS!" This was something else. Mantell was stretchered out so Adams could either forfeit the match or take them both on. He chose to FIGHT~! He immediately fired up and ran wild on Hayes, which caused Hayes to run for his life and leap into Gordy's arms. Adams then ran wild on Gordy, which caused the announcers to say he was "winning on both of them." Heels eventually cut him off, but then down came Kevin Von Erich. The ref told him if he wanted to take Mantell's place he'd have to stand in the corner. Girls were screaming at the top of their lungs. So he got the hot tag and ran wild, then pinned Hayes with a sunset flip. What awesome pro-wrestling.
1046
1047Show ended with Gordy cutting a promo for the Freebirds vs. Von Erichs match next week. Not much to it, quite frankly. Still one of the better pro-wrestling shows I've seen in a while.
1048
1049
1050Impact (10/14/10)
1051Show opened with storyline. Dixie's attorney, who must be her real attorney because he can't act a lick, came out and said Bischoff had Dixie sign a contract under false pretenses. They didn't explain what the contract was, they presume we know. And this is what everyone figured going in. So the guy made a valid legal argument, that Dixie thought she was signing something else so it didn't count. Bischoff said no, she signed it on national TV and millions of people saw it. This argument actually helped Dixie since millions of people saw her sign something she thought was something else. Anyway, the lawyer gave up just like that and said he'd see Eric later. Can't wait to see how they explain this long-term. So after the segment, announcers said that Dixie had signed over the majority of her shares to Bischoff, so she's no longer President. They didn't say who was President now. Hogan and Eric came out. Hogan was on crutches. He got a fair amount of heat. He did a promo welcoming everyone to his company. He said he and Eric decided enough of the gaga, it was time to take what was theirs. He wanted to know where Dixie was hiding. By the way, in the fucking irony of ironies, Dixie on her Twitter after the show said the Hogan and Eric had killed one company and they weren't going to kill hers. She really said this. Awesome. Hogan said Dixie conned him into coming in, but then she wouldn't listen to any of his ideas. So he just grabbed everything that was promised to him. With us at the helm, he said, this company would live together. He said this wasn't just a hostile takeover, it was a work of art. Monet, he said, would never have come up with this. Yeah, no shit. Bischoff said let's take them through this master plan. This should be good. He tried to explain that Abyss didn't really turn on Hulk after Hulk gave him the Hall of Fame ring, it was all a work. Out came Abyss. He did a promo saying none of the stupid sheep believed him when he said they were coming on 10/10/10. I believed him. I even knew who THEY were. Well, two of them. I should have known Jeff, just by predicting who the absolute dumbest choice for business would be. Who am I kidding? Nothing they do will affect business one way or another. That's why I really don't care all that much. Hogan told Abyss that he was his son and would live forever. Next they called out Jeff Jarrett. He ranted about how Dixie took a company he founded right out from underneath his nose. He said she used daddy's money to do it. Jarrett used daddy's money too and burned through it in three months and would have been out of business had Dixie not come in with her daddy's money. He said now, years later, they gave the Carter family exactly what they deserved. Fortune was out next. Flair cut a promo and teased turning on Hogan, basically saying that either he left TNA or Hogan did. Hogan challenged him to a fight. Yes, with his broken back. Then, of course, they hugged. The heels all laughed. "SUCKER!" someone was screaming. Yes, we are suckers for not seeing another stupid swerve coming. Flair said he was going to wake up every day and love Hulk more than anything he'd ever loved, including his five ex-wives, all of whom he said could kiss his ass. And finally, out came Jeff Hardy. Fans chanted "YOU SOLD OUT!" Jeff said he didn't sell out, he sold in. He said he didn't care about popularity. He blamed the fans, he said, for his pain, their greed for his anger. He said he had herniated discs and pinched nerves, and it was all the fault of the fans. These men, he said, care about him, his well-being, his future. He said RVD was an asshole, just another politician. He said he never played that game, never would. There were people chanting "HARDY!" He said he was the whole f'n reason Abyss destroyed RVD. This group was immortal, he said, and would live forever. Nash and Sting were watching on backstage. Bischoff invited them down. After commercial, out they came. Tenay said these guys had been trying to tell the world what was going on for months but "DAMMIT NO ONE WOULD LISTEN!" Really? They didn't tell anyone anything. They spoke in fucking code the entire time. Nash did a wacky promo saying his career had always been about money. He said he'd have taken the roof over someone's head if need be. But as he got older, he said, he got wiser. The Bible, he said, said gray hair was the sign of wisdom. With wisdom came compassion, he said. Those guys in the back that he'd have taken every dollar from in the past, they were his friends now. He said he was going to pass on the money, he wanted nothing to do with them, and if they wanted to run the company into the ground they could do it without him. Sting said he loved TNA, this was a no-win situation, and he wasn't going to repeat history again. So the answer was no. They both walked out. People clapped.
1052
1053Backstage, Pope was demanding to know what was going on with Nash and Sting. The audio was awful so I'm not entirely sure what Nash said. I think Nash told him he didn't have to say. Pope said he was going to stay and continue to fight the good fight. Then Dixie walked up and had to ACT. The camera was all shaky and you could hardly hear a word she said either. Then Hogan and Eric walked up. She went nuts and slapped Eric, then she demanded Hogan look in her eyes and tell her he screwed her. Hogan said if she wanted to have this conversation they could have it in his office.
1054
1055So after commercial we got the big meeting. Dixie was screaming at Hogan and Eric. She also said, and I quote, "God DANG IT!" Hogan said yes, he screwed her. She wanted to know why. He said time and time again he tried to get to her -- anyway, I gave up at this point. Everyone was screaming at each other. Long story short, Dixie was mad and Hogan and Eric told her it was their company. She tried to have Gunner and Murphy -- GUNNER AND MURPHY -- take Hogan and Bischoff out of her office, but Hogan said this was his office and had Gunner and Murphy take her away. There was a scuffle and in the middle of it SERGE went down. SERGE. That's her husband. He was on TV one time and was never mentioned again. Anyway, not only did Hogan and Eric steal the company under blatant false pretenses, but now they can have people assaulted. Serge should just sue TNA for everything their worth. I'm overthinking this. By spending 2 seconds thinking, by the way.
1056
1057Madison came out with a ref. She said Tara had spoiled her plan at the PPV, the plan to become a three-time champion. She said Tara had her to thank for having her job back in TNA. She called her out and demanded she lay down so she could win her title back. So Tara did it. Madison then did a promo acting like she'd won the Divas title in a 20-minute WrestleMania main event. As she was thanking her mom and such, out came Mickie James. She said this was disgraceful. Clearly she hasn't seen the TNA Knockouts Title history. Mickie hit the ring and Madison told Tara to GET HER. Tara failed, then Madison bailed and ran for her life.
1058
1059Jwoww met with the Beautiful People, who were, of course, getting their make-up did. She said she was looking for a bitch named Cookie. The hunt was on.
1060
1061After commercial they were backstage looking for her. Eric Young showed up and acted like an idiot. "Who is this guy?" Jwoww asked. This was a hideous segment. The real Jersey Shore started right here.
1062
1063Out came Kurt Angle. Over an hour into the show and not a single legit wrestling match yet. He said he wanted to know why Hogan did what he did. He said he didn't win the title at the PPV but he also didn't get pinned. Out came Jarrett. He said Angle never said anything about not getting pinned or getting screwed. All he had said was that if he didn't win the title he'd retire. So retire, he said. He made some off-handed comment about Kurt's ex-wife, and said Kurt had made his life a living hell from day one. So Kurt said, "First off, you can have that bitch." Nice. He said he wanted to know how he made Jeff's life a living hell. "How, why? By putting TNA on the map? I did that?" He said he talked up the company every chance he had and taught the rookies everything he knew. He said Jarrett won a million belts before Angle showed up because he held everyone down. Anyway, a bunch of shit happened. It was too much for me to try to process. Long story short, Angle went after Jarrett, GUNNER AND MURPHY beat him up, Jarrett hurt Kurt's neck, then Taz came out and told Jarrett to back off. "He's got a fucked-up neck!" Taz said. Jarrett backed off from the announcer who is never going to wrestle again. ONE HOUR AND TEN FUCKING MINUTES WITHOUT A WRESTLING MATCH. FUCK OFF, SHOW.
1064
1065More no wrestling. They re-aired a fucking replay of the Jarrett/Angle thing, then we got a promo from an angry Samoa Joe walking down the street. Didn't pay attention to this, sorry. Totally numbed.
1066
1067Abyss vs. Joe. Hour and fifteen minutes into the show. I thought Joe was out on the street. I guess that was taped earlier. So yeah, Nash pinned Joe on PPV and then left the company. Fabulous. They went like two minutes, Joe ran wild, then Abyss hit him with the ring bell for the DQ. RULES NOW! Joe bled. Of course. Abyss went after him afterwards but RVD made the save. Tenay said there were -- this is a real quote -- BAD FEELINGS between Abyss and RVD of late. So then, of course, RVD saved Joe and then Joe just bailed on him. What an unlikeable character. RVD called out Jeff next. MORE FUCKING TALKING. This couldn't be a fucking MONTH'S WORTH OF PROGRAMMING? It all had to take place TONIGHT? Jeff appeared on the big screen and philosophized. I predict massive tune-out around this point because I'm totally out of patience personally. So then out came Eric. He said that he'd give RVD a shot at Jeff Hardy, but only if RVD could beat Mr. Anderson tonight. The winner, he said, got Jeff. RVD wanted to wrestle right now. But Bischoff told him to wait.
1068
1069Bischoff had a lewd meeting with Miss Tessmacher, but then turned on her and told her she was easy. He called her every nasty name in the book, all of which were at least bleeped. He said by blabbing to Nash and Pope she almost ruined his plans. He said they were through and if she wanted to stay around she needed to put on the tights and the boots and get in the ring. HOLY FUCK. He told her to get her 38 DDs out of her. That line was the one that set her off. Not the lines about her being a bitch and a whore, but when he mentioned the legit size of her breasts, she could take no more. This sucked all the cocks she supposedly sucked in storyline. Anderson then showed up and shook Bischoff's hand really hard, I guess to prove he was an asshole. Or something. How many fucking words have I written about this show so far? Let me check. Son of a bitch, 2,034. And still another thirty minutes. What overwritten bullshit.
1070
1071Pope versus Fortune in a five-on-one match. Why is this being booked? It actually ended up being a pretty good match, especially Pope's comeback at the end when he ran wild on all five guys. But then he was pinned. To be honest, as fun as it was, it was kind of a burial of Fortune that it took that much effort to beat one dude. It wasn't like it was a normal handicap match. It was one against FIVE. Anyway.
1072
1073Shore came out. Keep in mind this was their second appearance ever on Impact. They noted that they were on at the same time as the real Jersey Shore. Sorry, they said, but after they debuted on Impact last week, nobody wanted to watch Jersey Shore, they wanted to watch the two of them. They were getting serious go-away heat and "BORING!" chants. Cookie buried Jwoww, and what a coincidence, out they came. Cookie told her to take her fake weave, her fake nails and her fake boobs and crawl back into the hole she came out of. She called her a bitch and slapped her. Jwoww tackled her and they had a catfight. Robbie E. went down. No idea how. The girls had awful timing and the camera missed it. So Jwoww beat her up and tossed her outside, and that was the end of the segment. Yeah, that was the entire thing. They spent $15,000 on that. Wow. That has to be the end of the Shore gimmick because that was as complete a burial as you'll ever see. They didn't even act annoying for like a month, or three months, or six months. They were annoying for one show, then a Jersey Shore chick showed up and made the both look like fools. Stupidest show in history.
1074
1075They showed a bunch of recaps from earlier this evening.
1076
1077RVD vs. Anderson. Show ended right when the match started. My DVR is set 10 minutes over, I refuse to give Impact any more time than that. RVD made a big comeback and tripped right over Anderson as he was taking a bump. Fucking hilarious. In some ways, RVD and Mr. Anderson together in the same ring is a dream match. Bischoff came out and told the ref to follow him. They walked away. Then my DVR went out. And we're finished. We'll see if they tell us what happened next week. I'd guess not. I do not give a FUCK.
1078
1079
1080Smackdown (10/18/10)
1081Green Day opening up Smackdown is so wacky.
1082
1083Show was from the Rose Garden in Portland, Ore. They were showing the outside of the building, then they zoomed in and who was standing up there by the parking garage ramp but Undertaker. Well, that's what they said. On the big screen in HD it looked like a man with a mask on. Todd Grisham said, and I quote, "We don't know what's going through the mind of the Dead Man right now." Well, presumably nothing.
1084
1085Teddy Long was in the ring bebopping. He said it was that time of year again -- not Christmas, but Bragging Rights. That's definitely not Christmas. He said Smackdown won last year and we already knew six of the men for Team Raw. He said Smackdown already had a captain, Big Show, and tonight we'd find out who was going to team with him via a series of qualifying matches.
1086
1087Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes. Rey went for the 619 early but Cody went outside and said, a ha, my face, protected! After commercial he was back working over the little bugger. Rey had gone for a springboard and ate an enzuigiri in mid-air. They botched a wheelbarrow spot but managed to save it, with Cody pounding on him and then turning it into a big suplex. That was great. Cody missed a double kneedrop off the top and Rey made his big comeback. Lots of good nearfalls, then Rey hit the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin. Very good TV match. Smackdown is on a roll of late in terms of quality in-ring action. So Rey is on Team Smackdown.
1088
1089Kaval met with Big Show and the midget backstage. The midget stood on a bench and they shot all of them from the waist up so the midget was actually taller than Kaval. Really. So Kaval said he wanted to be on the team. Show said he was new here. Kaval said he was experienced and could contribute to the team. He said everyone started off slow. "I mean, what did you do your first match?" Show noted he'd won the World Heavyweight Title. Show said listen, I need a seasoned veteran. Kaval was upset, thinking Show felt he was too small. Show said listen, I'm a big, seasoned veteran and you wouldn't last five minutes in the ring with me. Kaval said fine, let's make a bet, you and me tonight, and if I can last five minutes with you I'm on the team. Show said fine, let's do it.
1090
1091Paul Bearer cut a pre-taped promo backstage. More cornball scary music. I will say, that when they add goofy music and such to pre-taped promos, I'm fine with it. Pre-taped stuff can have music edited in. No problem. It's the goofy music during the live segments that is insufferable. Anyway, Paul cut a promo talking about how Undertaker's doom was at hand, and basically issuing a challenge for a Buried Alive match between Taker and Kane at Bragging Rights. Paul is, in the words of Abdullah the Butcher, A PROFESSIONAL, and is awesome at what he does. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I assume Bryan meant to say "in the words of the Iron Shiek," but Abdullah, a mute character, is much funnier, so I'm leaving it in. –Vince).
1092
1093Jack Swagger with the Swagger Soaring Eagle vs. MVP in a Bragging Rights qualifier. The Eagle gets goofier every week. I suspect the Eagle lasts through the Philly show at the end of November. Obviously, an Eagle would be over in the home of the Philadelphia Eagles, so that's the show where Swagger has to turn on the bird. MVP hit the ballin elbow about a minute in, but Swagger rolled outside. MVP went after him and the Eagle blocked his way. So MVP beat the shit out of the bird, booting him and tossing him over the announcer's table. The announcers were largely completely unconcerned. "You OK, Eagle?" asked Cole. Swagger then jumped MVP from behind, threw him into the ring and put him in the ankle lock for the submission. MVP, total jobber.
1094
1095Alberto del Rio vs. Chris Masters in a Bragging Rights qualifier. Masters' first big move was a jackhammer, Goldberg's old finisher, and Alberto kicked out at one. He tried the Masterlock but Alberto got the ropes, then snapped Masters' arm over the top rope. Masters made a comeback and went for the move again, but Alberto turned it into a wacky armbreaker, then put him in the flying armbar for the submission. Alberto did a great job with the guy all things considered. Add Alberto to Team Smackdown. Show offered a handshake afterwards, but Alberto refused and just smiled at him.
1096
1097Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler in a Bragging Rights qualifier. I totally forgot Edge was a babyface. That's what happens when there is no turn, a guy just starts getting booked as a babyface when he'd been a heel for months. Show, I should note, was doing commentary for all of these matches, both because he's team captain and also because they were trying to push his movie (which, by the way, is why he was team captain). He had pretty much zero tolerance for Matt Stryker's bullshit. They showed Vickie and Kaitlyn watching backstage. Kaitlyn was wearing an all-time great outfit in WWE history so we only saw her for like two seconds. BULL SHIT. I wish Dolph would stop killing himself in the ring. He's a good worker and could get over just as big without taking stupid bumps all over the place. Dolph gave Edge a zig zag into the steps. They played it up like a certain count-out but Edge was back in at nine. Really good match, tons of back and forth spots at the finish. Dolph tried a zig zag in the ring but Edge grabbed the ropes. Place was going nuts for the spear. Dolph leapfrogged him, then tried a dive off the top but got speared in midair for the pin. Another champion, made to look like a chump.
1098
1099Undertaker was overlooking Portland. Stryker did the most overdramatic Edgar Allan Poe-style speech asking fans what Taker's future held. The answer, undramatically, is a PPV match.
1100
1101Show vs. Kaval in a five-minute challenge. Show beat on him forever. Well, forever meaning about four minutes. Kaval finally made a big comeback and ran wild with about 15 seconds left. Suddenly, Show caught him in mid-move by the throat and started to hoist him up for the chokeslam. Before he could finish the move the time limit expired. Show gave him a begrudging look of respect, then shook his hand and invited him onto the team. Everyone was happy. But then they went to commercial and when they came back Kaval was still in the ring. Angle alert. Out came a man with braids. He said he was Tyler Reks, Kaval was a joke, and if anyone deserved a spot on Team WWE Raw at Bragging Rights, it was him. He said he could beat giants and he knew he could beat Kaval. This was every generic WWE promo ever written. Teddy Long came out and said he couldn't let Tyler do this since Kaval had just gone five minutes with Big Show. "I don't think he's up to it!" Kaval told Teddy thanks, but said he didn't back down from anyone and if Tyler wanted his spot he could come get it. So Tyler went and got it with a burning hammer into a DDT. Yup, Tyler Recks is on Bragging Rights. I'm sure Vince McMahon is cackling. He won't be cackling when his Bragging Rights buyrate comes in. Cole said Kaval needed to get his ego in check.
1102
1103Cody told us to file our nails.
1104
1105Drew vs. Kofi for the final Bragging Rights spot. Here's a match we haven't seen a million times. Kofi ran wild until trying a Stinger splash into the corner, at which point Drew booted him right in the face and nearly killed him. Cole totally marked out. It was fantastic. Kofi sold for a few minutes and then suddenly hit his wacky kick out of nowhere for the pin. The kick looked great and Drew took an awesome bump. This was not only painless but very fun.
1106
1107Kane and Paul Bearer came out. Kane did his usual promo, thankfully not accompanied by any wacky music. He said Undertaker was now a pathetic shell of his former self and he (Kane) was now the superior not only to his brother but also to all the fans. The fans, he said, failed at everything, just like Undertaker failed at his quest to win the title. He said Taker had failed twice now and would fail again at Bragging Rights. The two failures do beg the question why he's getting a third title match in a row. He vowed to bury Taker alive. "UNDERTAKER!" the people chanted. This got a shocking amount of heat, so clearly none of these fans saw their last match. Out came Taker. He got in the ring and stomped a mudhole in Kane. Paul quickly -- well, not so quickly -- fled the ring. Taker sent Kane outside as smoke rose around the ring, then set off Kane's pyro on his own. Paul's reaction to this was awesome. I should note that earlier, when Taker was entering, he stood on the steps and bowed his head directly above Kane's pyro gun. I mean, don't ever fucking do that again, dude. People get blown up doing shit like that, and in fact, Taker himself got lit on fire by an accidental pyro accident once. NEVER LOOK DOWN THE MUZZLE OF A LOADED GUN, EVEN A PYRO GUN. So yeah, that was infuriating. Show ended with him calling down lightning to strike the stage by Kane. People loved this and the rating grew for the third straight week, finishing at a 1.9, so whatever works.
1108
1109
1110UFC 120 (10/16/10)
1111Cyrille Diabate vs. Alexander Gustafsson. Gustafson beat the living piss out of the guy for the entire first round. I mean, he pounded on this poor fool. An easy 10-9 round, perhaps even 10-8. The violent beating continued in round two. Not only was Diabate getting destroyed but he was bleeding all over like a stuck pig. Gustafson went for a choke twice, finally getting it with several minutes left in the second. A manhandling.
1112
1113Cheick Kongo vs. Travis Browne. Browne was throwing these wild swings that missed by miles. He was dancing around with his hands down, which didn't look promising. He was swinging so big that he was throwing himself off balance. All that said, every time they engaged Browne caught him. He grabbed him in a Muay Thai clinch and landed heard knees. Rogan was shocked that Kongo could not manage to find openings. 10-9 Browne. Brown was much larger. Apparently between rounds Kongo's corner said listen, dude, the guy's hands are down, punch him in the face. So that's what Kongo started doing. He also kneed him in the balls on accident. Then he got a poke in the eye. What a fight. People went nuts every time Kongo hit something. Browne was eating a lot of leg kicks and was limping. He got a takedown with one second left in the round. I'd say 10-9 Kongo. Fight not lighting the world on fire though. Third round went all to hell. Cheick kept grabbing the shorts. Ref was like, stop grabbing the damn shorts. Cheick kept grabbing. So finally the ref stopped the action and deducted a full point. It gets better. Cheick bulled him into the corner and, yes, grabbed the trunks again. But this time he was grabbing them where the ref couldn't see it. No joking. He was CHEATING BEHIND THE REFEREE'S BACK. Rogan was going nuts and the camera guy was actually zooming in to show this. Browne took him down with five seconds left. THIS. FIGHT. SUCKED. A. COCK. Browne gets the round 10-8 with the point deduction and thus the fight, 29-27. Somehow the judges scored it 28-28, making it a draw. That was the deepthroat right there.
1114
1115John Hathaway vs. Mike Pyle. Hathaway was a Brit and was beloved. Pyle got a takedown but Hathaway reversed it. Back on the feet Pyle started catching him with shots. Pyle worked him over and took him down with essentially an STO with a few seconds left. 10-9 Pyle. The beating continued in the second. Hathaway started playing the Nick Diaz game, where you throw a thousand weak punches in succession just trying to make contact as many times as possible. For his troubles he got taken down, mounted and triangled from the top. It wasn't a triangle where you could get a submission, so Pyle just proceeded to punch him repeatedly in his head for like two minutes. Hathaway was like completely trapped. To me, this was 10-8 domination. I mean, Hathaway was HELPLESS. Hathaway tried the most telegraphed shoot in history in the second. This was not the same guy that destroyed Diego Sanchez. Pyle took him down again. Hathaway was trying desperately to stand up but it wasn't happening. Pyle passed to half guard and mauled him. Pyle looked like he'd finished a sparring session afterwards. 30-26 for the American. Sucks to be the UK. All three judges scored it 30-27.
1116
1117Paul Sass vs. Mark Holst. Sass tried an uma plata immediately. Didn't get it. He was going for one sub after another on the ground. Holst got him down and they had a wild scramble on the ground. Sass almost got a heel hook. Almost too much action to call. Sass went for a triangle armbar with 20 seconds left and got it. Sass was a hell of a submission guy. Good stuff here.
1118
1119Rogan interviewed Cain via satellite. Cain said things were great and he was ready to go. Cain must have been super nervous because he was much worse here than he's been on the Countdown specials. He was stumbling over his words and didn't have much to say. Hey, at least they interviewed the guy in the main event of the next show, something Strikeforce hasn't done half the time. Joe was trying his hardest to push the fight, but he was working harder than Brock's had to do so far.
1120
1121Dan Hardy vs. Carlos Condit. The pre-fight promos for this featured some awesome trash-talking. Hardy, obviously, was beloved. They exchanged hard leg kicks early. We got a four-minute kickboxing battle, then Condit caught him with a shot, knocking him on his ass. Hardy was out of it but the ref didn't stop it, so Condit killed him with two extra shots on the ground. Brutality. This is like WCW booking Ric Flair in the Carolinas here. They showed a replay and it was actually a double punch spot, but Condit's punch was harder and in a better spot. Fans booed him like crazy during his post-match promo. He said he felt great. "I love you guys even though you're booing me!" He said his plan was to stand with him for three rounds if need be, but he was comfortable anywhere. Hardy was classy in defeat but you knew he was heartbroken. He said you win some you lose some, and tonight he lost. "Next time!" he said.
1122
1123Time for the Brock interview. His beard gets better by the day. Rogan called him "Mister" and "Sir." With the beard he looks like a great king, SIR BROCK LESNAR. He noted that Cain was a smaller wrestler, and through his career he hadn't had much of a problem with guys like that. LOUL. Brock is so great. He vowed to make Cain "uncomfortable." He said he learned from the Carwin fight that "I can take an ass-whooping." He said every day he learned and expanded his game. It's been fun, he said, never a dull moment.
1124
1125Michael Bisping vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama. Akiyama rocked him in the very first shot of the fight. He didn't follow up, though, so Bisping recovered. Rogan was noting that Bisping was both backing up and moving to the left, which was the exact same thing he was doing when Henderson knocked him out. In a weird moment, Akiyama said he'd gotten caught in the balls and the ref actually said, no you didn't, FIGHT! Fascinating. Akiyama then accidentally hit him in the balls. Bisping said it was OK, they shook hands, then Bisping actually put both hands down and bowed. If that wasn't bad enough, they had a flurry with a minute left in the round and when it was over both guys smiled at each other and touched gloves. That was infuriating. I don't even know who won that round. It was mostly grab-assing. If a gun was put to my head, 10-9 Akiyama. It started to become a fight in the second, but then Bisping got poked in the eye. He recovered fast. Bisping started landing a lot of shots. Akiyama took it to him at the end of the second, but too little too late. 10-9 Bisping. Bisping rocked him with a flurry early in the third. Tough first round but he was totally on his game here. Bisping then dropped him with a shot to the pills. Akiyama got aggressive at this point, but again, too little too late. Bisping was also staying on him. Pretty dominant performance for Bisping here, 10-9, so 29-28 Bisping. They were completely out of time so they edited the hell out of his interview and went off the air. This was all right, far from the best UFC of all time.
1126
1127
1128ROH on HDNet (10/18/10)
1129Clips aired of the rise and fall of Tyler Black's title reign.
1130
1131Cornette opened up the show saying right before this program went on the air there was an altercation between Davey Richards and Tyler Black backstage and he had clips. Davey was challenging him to one last match before he went up North. Tyler showed up and told him to tell him to his face. They had a pull-apart. Hey, there's Kevin Kelly. Back in the ring, Cornette said Davey wanted to talk to Tyler face-to-face so he was going to let that happen right now. Both guys came out. Davey told him he could go wherever he wanted to go to make the almighty dollar, all he asked was for him to be a man and give him one last match before he left. Fans chanted "YOU SOLD OUT!" Tyler said he knew Davey had been offered the same opportunities he had, and he didn't understand why he turned down cash for competition. He said he respected that, as stupid as he felt it was. In three years, he said, if Davey was still walking the fans might call him the best wrestler in the world, but he, Tyler Black, would be the richest wrestler in the world. Not sure about that one. Davey said if it was all about the almighty dollar, he wanted to know how much he'd have to pay for Tyler to stop being such a bitch. They had a pull-apart and Tyler grabbed the mic and said listen, fucker, I already got my deal so if you want it I'll wrestle you tonight for free. Dudes tore them apart and Cornette commanded the guys in the truck to kill some time with video packages so Tyler could get his gear on. The entire show is yours to hash this out, he screamed. A great opening segment.
1132
1133The videos aired. If you've been watching the product you've seen these several times. Started out with the personality profiles where both guys talked about their passion for the company and the sacrifices they made to get to where they were today.
1134
1135The Hog told me to tweet my friends and tell them to watch the show. The funny thing is that I was getting emails during this show telling me to make sure I watched it.
1136
1137Hero and Claudio cut a promo burying the Briscoes. Kyle Durden then interviewed Briscoes backstage. It was outstanding. I'm not entirely sure what they said, but I know that they're really pissed off about the Kings of Wrestling beating up their dad and now they want to whip their ass, and that's all I need to know.
1138
1139Davey vs. Tyler. Tyler sent him outside and wiped him out with a flip dive early. As they fought outside the ring Hog said that they had some STANDBY MATCHES~! waiting in the wings in case this ended early. It really hit me during this main event how incompetent the TNA writing team is. I mean, they can't even succeed at the most basic task for which they are charged, that being to make you excited for the TV main event. I mean, when you fucking fail at THAT, get out of the way and let someone with a clue in. Davey started his comeback and did his flip dive through the ropes, nearly killing both of them. I don't know what happened but he essentially headbutted him in mid-move and didn't overshoot into the crowd like usual, but rather ended up stopped dead in his tracks and fell down nearly face-first onto the pretty black mats. Brutal. He hit an enzuigiri for a nearfall and the crowd chanted "THIS IS AWESOME!" Davey put him in the cloverleaf but Tyler got the ropes. Davey gave him a super German off the top but Tyler flipped over and landed on his feet. They traded a series of kicks, then Davey laid him out with a lariat for a double-down in a Japanese-style spot. Davey killed him with kicks and gave him a draping DDT on the apron. Announcers noted that this was likely Tyler's last night under that name. They were right. Tyler hit a superkick and God's last gift but Davey kicked out. Tyler hit a coast to coast for another nearfall. It was funny because the fans didn't count along or anything for Tyler's nearfalls, not believing he'd beat Davey in his last match in, but then when Davey would kick out they'd go nuts. He tried the Phoenix but Davey got his knees up. Davey tried a God's last gift of his own but Tyler kicked out, so Davey put him in the cloverleaf for the submission. Huge pop for the finish. This was the best free TV match from any company in a long time. (****1/4).
1140
1141Show ended with the Hog and Prazak wishing Tyler the best in his future endeavors. Davey was not so kind, telling Tyler to go up North and tell the boys that if they wanted real wrestling they could come to Philly to compete in Ring of Honor. Great show, and next week it's Briscoes vs. Kings of Wrestling in what they're billing as the Briscoes' last chance at the tag titles.
1142
1143
1144Raw in Calgary (10/18/10)
1145Show opened with Teddy Long coming out. He said don't adjust your sets, I'm here tonight and I'm taking over Raw. Cue the GM, and also a shit-eating grin by Michael Cole. He said Teddy needed to get out of his ring because he had no business being there. Teddy said hold on a second, Sunday is Bragging Rights. He had a ref bring out the trophy, which I'm almost positive was a different trophy from last year. It looked like a higher-end steel trash can. Teddy said they won the trophy last year and laid the smackdown on all the Raw superstars. GM told him to get out of the ring or else. Teddy said, "You're not threatening me, are you dog?" He said he'd show the GM some "or else". He got to arguing with Cole. The GM kept dinging but Teddy wouldn't let Cole read the emails. Teddy got on the podium and said the GM had an announcement. "Right now the Raw GM is going to be disconnected." And he shut off the computer. He called out his team one by one starting with Big Show. Cole was screaming at Teddy to go home to Smackdown. Miz was out next as captain of Team Raw. He said the Smackdown guys all looked like Smurfs in their blue shirts. He said he was the man who would lead Raw to victory. It was hilarious with him talking about the big stakes here, you know, the fact that they get the trash can. Out came Team Raw. I should note that Ezekiel Jackson is back and taking the place of Mark Henry, who was supposed to be the final man but whose brother had a stroke. Miz just said Jackson was his personal pick. Miz told Team Smackdown to get out of their ring or they were going to make them get out. Smackdown didn't leave so Raw hit the ring and the brawl was on. Yes, they started brawling. Right here. For free. On Raw. For no good reason. Didn't get much of a reaction. Team Raw bailed, then Show challenged Miz to a captain vs. captain match later tonight.
1146
1147Harts vs. Drew McIntyre & Cody Rhodes. Heels worked over Tyson. Harry got the hot tag and made a classic babyface comeback. Of course, it's their hometown so they had to beat the Harts and make them look like idiots. Tyson told Harry to set up the Hart attack. Harry, instead, tried the sharpshooter. Tyson yelled at him, they argued back and forth, then Drew clipped Harry's leg and pinned him with the DDT. Harts argued back and forth and this week it looked like Tyson was the one they're turning heel.
1148
1149Orton met with Cena backstage. He told him that if he got in his way Sunday he'd have no problem kicking him in the skull and putting him out of his misery. Cena said if Randy even tried to boot him he'd break his foot off.
1150
1151They had a Truth music video complete with lyrics. Apparently they're aware his new song isn't getting over like his old one so they're trying to teach people the words hoping they'll start signing it.
1152
1153Goldust vs. Zach Ryder. Goldust came out with the Million Dollar belt. Yes, they called it a belt. They also talked about Goldust proposing to Aksana on NXT last week. Ted DiBiase and Maryse came out on the ramp to watch. Ryder got no entrance, then Goldust pinned him with the final cut in less than a minute. DiBiase hit the ring after the match. Yes, he waited until it was over to try to get his belt back. He went after Goldust as Maryse tried to steal the belt. Aksana got it first and they had a chase scene to the back. Goldust then laid out DiBiase with his move.
1154
1155They plugged Orton vs. Kane for Smackdown this week.
1156
1157Barrett told Cena that he wanted him to test McGillicutty and Harris tonight, then report back on whether they were worthy of being in Nexus. Cena found this hard to believe. Barrett said no, this is your chance to go out and give the fans the John Cena they remember. "Now go get me a glass of water," he said. Cena was not down with this but was forced to do it.
1158
1159Some child was watching a video game version of Big Show vs. Miz backstage. He was all excited at Show winning. Miz walked up and told him that wasn't going to happen tonight. I was able to deduce that this person was one of the stars of Show's new movie. This was like an Impact segment.
1160
1161Cena had his glass of water for Barrett. Barrett told him he wanted Cena to know he was really enjoying this, then threw the water in Cena's face. Gabriel, Otunga and Slater stood there and cackled in the background. WHAT AWESOME HEELS.
1162
1163Cena & Orton vs. Husky Harris & Michael McGillicutty. Husky actually looks fatter than when he was on NXT. Him being pushed like this with that physique should tell you how respected and well-liked he is backstage. Barrett and his crew came out to watch. Cena beat the piss out of Beulah's kid early. Heels finally cut him off. Husky looked great. He missed a splash and Orton got the hot tag. "Orton has reached that point where he hears those voices!" Cole said. The fuck does that mean? He set Michael up for the RKO. Husky tried to hit the ring but Orton side-stepped him. Husky ran into Cena who gave him the FU. Orton then hit the RKO on McGillicutty for the pin. Cena was about to shake Orton's hand when Barrett told him not to dare shake his hand. "In fact, get out of that ring right now. I am ordering you to step out of the ring or you will be fired!" So Cena left. Wade said he now had the best seat in the house to view the destruction of the Viper. Cena had a great look of helplessness. Orton fought valiantly but was overwhelmed. Fans chanted for Cena. He was nearly weeping. One thing of note is that all the greats in this business have really expressive faces, and Cena has one. My only problem with this, and it's minor, is that this would have been approximately 1,000 times more effective if Cena and Orton had been pushed as friends. Instead, fifteen minutes earlier they had had a confrontation where they threatened to cripple each other. They all hit Orton with their finisher. Heath was selling his shoulder through the whole beating so hopefully he didn't hurt himself. Barrett then commanded Cena get into the ring right now and give Orton the FU. Cena told them that was enough, but Barrett said do it or you're done. So Cena hoisted him up, but then Barrett said I don't want you stealing my spotlight, give him to me. Barrett then gave him his move. The front row was screaming "CENA SUCKS!" Cena, disgusted, walked backstage. Another fabulous segment. The easiest booking is for Cena to help Barrett win the title, give Barrett a fairly long reign, then after this storyline ends and Cena beats him for the title you have a ready-made Cena vs. Orton issue.
1164
1165Vickie Guerrero came out. For the record, she said, my name is Vickie Guerrero and I am the official consultant of Smackdown. She took credit for the Smackdown stars appearing on Raw tonight. She said there was one special superstar that had a twinkle in his eye because his eyes were always for her, Dolph Ziggler. Dolph did a promo about how great he was. Out came Daniel Bryan. He said he wasn't exactly a ladies man but he suspected even he could do better than Vickie. "But if I can be serious for a minute," he said, a tribute to Lance Storm. He said he didn't have the movie star looks or peroxide hair, but he did have the ability to tap Dolph out. He proposed a champion vs. champion match at Bragging Rights. Dolph said they could do this right now and slapped him. Daniel was about to go after him when Vickie stepped in his way. That didn't work. Daniel got hold of Dolph and put him in his move on the floor. Dolph tapped like crazy. Suddenly, the Divas randomly came out. "What is going on?" Cole asked. They surrounded Vickie. Gail had a can full of glitter. She was supposed to throw it all over Vickie but the bucket slipped out of her hands and flew into Vickie. Oops. So after Vickie left all the girls got into the ring and wanted to dance with Bryan. He was not the worst dancer in wrestling history. But this was clearly done to make him look goofy. He ran with it, though, and made the most of a potentially bad situation. Cole was busy saying he'd never had a girlfriend and this was why.
1166
1167Alicia Fox vs. Natalya. Are they actually going to give a Hart a win in Calgary? Indeed they did. Sharpshooter in one minute. Fans were so happy. But then out came Laycool. They buried Canada, the Harts, etc. She said the Harts didn't belong in the Hall of Fame, then belonged in the looney bin. Well, in a few cases that's arguable. They laid out Natalya and then Michelle put her in the sharpshooter. Natalya made her own comeback and the heels bailed. Fans liked it.
1168
1169Josh interviewed Teddy, saying it was pretty brazen for him to show up on Raw. Teddy said Josh was being pretty brazen right now, but he hadn't seen anything yet. The entire Smackdown roster was there.
1170
1171We got a STAND UP FOR WWE package. They had a bunch of celebrities talking about how great WWE was, and also how family-friendly. They threw out some bullshit attendance numbers and stats, such as 93,173 at Mania III, 14 million viewers in the US every week, 6 million female US viewers per week, etc. Not sure if lying about that stuff is the smartest idea. They pushed their charity stuff hard, plus showed the clips of Hillary, Barack and McCain on the show two years ago. Cole and Lawler then did a plea for fans to sign up and support the company. This was mildly annoying but could have been significantly worse.
1172
1173Barrett met with Cena and said he wasn't finished with him or with Orton yet.
1174
1175Bobb'e J Thompson, the little fellow from earlier, was in the ring. He was booed. He egged it on, then called out Big Show. Miz vs. Show in the captain vs. captain match. They had the entire Raw and Smackdown rosters out there surrounding the ring. Miz was thrown outside early and both sides had a stand-off. Suddenly, out came Teddy Long again. He said since Bragging Rights was only six days away and since everyone from both rosters was out there, he suggested a Smackdown vs. Raw battle royal. So there you go. And this sells the PPV how? If ever there was a PPV they've already given up on, this is it. And on that note, Hornswaggle grabbed Cole's headset and was cackling into it. Cole was trying to claim this was the serious show, not that bullshit on Smackdown. Keep in mind he's an announcer on that show as well. Usually shitty battle royal. There were a few angles, such as Jack Swagger dragging Edge out of the ring to put him in the ankle lock. It came down to Zeke, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan and Big Show. Yes, Bryan made the final four, then was immediately eliminated. "No surprise there," said Cole. Zeke and Sheamus double suplexed Show. Show tossed Zeke, then Miz slid into the ring and tried to help Sheamus toss Show. I guess Miz hadn't actually been eliminated. They failed. Edge, who I guess also wasn't eliminated, hit the ring, speared Sheamus and tossed him outside. Show tossed Miz, so Team Smackdown won.
1176
1177They cut backstage and Barrett said Nexus and John Cena were going to practice what was going to happen after he won the title Sunday. He demanded Cena raise Barrett's hand in a symbol of victory. Cena put his head down and did it. Barrett's asshole smile is even better than Alberto Del Rios. So yeah, that was the show. No buys Sunday.
1178
1179wrestling news
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1193
1194~~~~~
1195
1196December 7, 2010
1197 
1198Abyss & Jeff Jarrett vs. Pope & Joe. Jarrett's MMA gimmick is now stupid. So half the time he's no good and can't do anything and the other half of the time he's successfully applying armbars and dudes need to get the ropes. Always amazes me that a guy like Jeff Jarrett can't figure out these simple concepts. There was a casket set up at ringside since Pope and Abyss are randomly having a casket match Sunday. Ref took a bump, then Pope laid out Abyss with a dive to the outside. Jarrett got his guitar. He went to hit Joe but Joe kicked the guitar out of his hand. Joe picked up the guitar and was about to waffle Jarrett when the ref woke up and DQ'd him. You read that right. That was the finish to the main event on the go-home show for the PPV. Much brawling occurred afterwards and the heels laid out the babyfaces. They went to drag Joe into the casket, which they claimed would WEAKEN HIM. But inside the casket was KURT ANGLE. Yeah. Kurt Angle who is not on the PPV and is, in fact, supposedly fired. So yeah, show wasn't awful but as a go-home show this was pretty much shit.
1199 
1200~~~~
1201 
1202November 30, 2010
1203 
1204At the Thanksgiving party Jarrett was doing a promo talking about the success of his MMA career. He said he had a special DVD for everyone to watch. They all cheered. Then he said we'd see it -- right after the commercial break. And all the guys went LOL! As did I. So after commercial, Roode said he was thankful for beer and Storm said he was thankful for money. Kazarian said he was thankful for Fortune and his good looks. Flair said he was thankful for the fountain of youth. I would be too. Abyss said he was thankful for his board and his coffins. Everyone looked at him like he was nuts. So then the Jarrett video played. Long story short, and you can go to YouTube to watch this in all its glory, he went to a karate school and tapped out a bunch of children. This was fucking phenomenal, the best thing on Impact maybe in years. The TV version was a fraction of the whole video, which was a tragedy. Still, this made this show worthwhile.
1205 
1206Jeff Jarrett vs. Jesse Neal. They said this was a submission only match. This should be good. Neal outwrestled him early, but then Jarrett did a reversal and actually applied an armbar. Neal got the ropes. Jarrett than did a primitive ground-and-pound and tried some sort of wacky leg lock. They've already fucked the gimmick by actually having Jarrett find legit MMA success. The gimmick should be that he has no idea what he's doing and has to hit his opponent with a gimmick behind the ref's back to set up his submission. So anyway, the ref did, in fact, take a bump, then Jarrett used a guitar and put on the rear-naked choke for the pin. So it wasn't a complete disaster, but Jarrett shouldn't be putting on any holds in the body of the match.
1207
1208
1209~~~~~
1210
1211March 24, 2010
1212 
1213Impact (centered)
1214 
1215Show opened with a goofy skit where Eric was supposedly playing the guitar in the middle of the ring with the lights off and a spotlight shining on him. What in the hell is going on? He said that was a little piece he put together in 1992 when he was running with the bulls. The name of that song, he said, was "What you don't know about me." There were a lot of things people didn't know about him, such as that he was a classically-trained musician. He segued this into a speech about how much he hated Jeff Jarrett. Jeff, he said, used his guitar as a silly prop, to hit people. He said he didn't think Jeff could really play and dared him to come out. If I can do it, you can do it, he said. Jeff came out and the people chanted "DOUBLE J!" Eric said the fans would love to hear him play the guitar. "Come on, let's give it up!" he said. Jarrett just stood there. Bischoff called him a coward and a fake. He dared him to dance or sing. Jarrett said if you think you can humiliate me you've got another think coming. He said as much as Jarrett wanted to hit him he didn't have the guts to do it. "Come on, I dare you, I double-dog dare you!" Jarrett grabbed the guitar and teased hitting Eric. Eric was shaking but begged him to do it. Jarrett teased and teased but then refused. As he was about to leave Bischoff said he knew Jarrett didn't have the guts. I'm trying to figure out why, if Bischoff hates him so much and has so much power, he doesn't just fire him. As Jarrett was walking up the ramp Bischoff said he should just go home and tell his little girls he had no stones. So Jarrett went back into the ring, grabbed the guitar and waffled Bischoff over the head with it. Bischoff sold it like he was dead. Tenay said this proved Jarrett had the stones. Jarrett, I should note, hit him with the guitar as Bischoff turned around, so he basically hit a guy from behind. Stones. Jarrett went backstage, Foley gave him a big hug, and Jarrett asked him if he knew how good that felt. After commercial, Bischoff made another FedEx joke here in 2010. He said he could fire Jarrett or Foley but he wasn't going to give them that satisfaction. Instead, he said, Jarrett and Foley were going to wrestle tonight. The loser, he said, would be fired from TNA and the winner would be his bitch. Jarrett proceeded to freak out, saying it was all his fault. Foley said no, it was everyone's fault. This was a fight, he said, that neither of them could win.
1216 
1217Taz told us that Bischoff was famous for firing people via FedEx.
1218
1219Beautiful People came out for a tag match. Daffney came out, then Tara, then Taylor Wilde, then Sarita. It became a huge brawl. I had no fucking idea what in the hell was going on. They went to commercial and when they came back it was BP & Daffney vs. Tara & Taylor & Sarita & Angelina Love. Match was a mess. The women's match on Raw sucked too, but at least they knew enough to put Michelle and Gail in the ring for most of it. Here they had the girls work over Tara, the worst worker on her team, and she did a bunch of stuff with Daffney, the worst girl on the other team. Broke down into a disaster and Tara hit the widow's peak on Lacey. She didn't go for the pin, though, she went for her spider. Daffney cut her off and hit her with a twisting fisherman suplex for the pin. This feud must continue. So it's a good thing Tara beat her at the PPV last night.
1220 
1221 
1222~~~
1223 
1224
1225What you don't know about me
1226
1227~~~~~
1228
1229Bischoff was backstage on the phone saying celebrity guest hosts was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard of. Burying the competition is fine when you're on even ground or ahead. When they're doing 5.5 million viewers and you're doing 1.4 million, you have little room to criticize. Anyway, Foley showed up in a nice suit, but it did have mustard on it. Bischoff told him the next step was an etiquette coach. This is ungodly awful. Mick Foley in a suit needed an etiquette coach. Who could POSSIBLY care? Foley said he'd meet him halfway. He'd always wondered about the fork stuff, for example. My God.
1230
1231~~~~
1232
1233~
1234October 26, 2010
1235 
1236Beautiful People backstage having their make-up applied. Because you see, they're ALWAYS putting on their make-up. Brooke's Ass showed up. She was all sad now since Bischoff had fired her and told her she needed to get in the ring and wanted help. She wanted help learning to wrestle from Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich. They told her to fuck off, bitch. Almost those exact words. So Velvet and Lacey left, and Angelina was there alone. A figure appeared behind her. It was Katie Lea Burchill, who claimed her name was Winter. She acted all creepy. Velvet and Lacey returned and asked Angelina who she was talking to. WINTER WAS GONE. Yes, Angelina is hallucinating, BUT WE CAN ALSO SEE THE HALLUCINATION. Of all the fucking stupid shit to copy from WCW, they're copying WARRIOR IN THE MIRROR. This was an angle where everyone though Hulk Hogan was crazy because he kept seeing Warrior in a mirror when Warrior wasn't there, BUT WE COULD ALSO SEE WARRIOR. It was THE dumbest fucking angle ever and it effectively killed all interest in Warrior. So yeah, they're repeating it here.
1237
1238
1239~~~~
1240
1241---
1242 
1243With Swan still down in the corner selling, Austin Aries came out for a promo. He was wearing an amazing furry pink oversized fluffy vest. He thanked DGUSA for the opportunity to say what he had to say, then he congratulated Swan for having a hell of a match. He then announced himself the most talented free agent in wrestling. He said he had done some soul searching, not just of his own soul, but the soul of the wrestling business. He said wrestling was on a downswing, while MMA was hot. Wrestling, he said, was the black sheep in sports and entertainment. Then he started to ramble for a long time about how wrestling did not respect itself, and how wrestlers spent their entire lives on the road and in pain trying to satisfy unscrupulous promoters. He said if you complained about these injustices, you became a rabble-rouser, a cancer in the locker room. He was fine with those tags. He was a man of honor, who had integrity in everything he did. He challenged everyone who could hear his voice to look in the mirror and ask if they were men of honor. He helped Swan to his feet and congratulated him for fighting Homicide with honor. He said he wasn't looking to start his own group, but he could use a protégé. He said he didn't want an answer now, but he wanted Swan to watch Aries' match and then make up his mind. This was very weird, an in-ring emo whine session that somehow turned into a sort-of babyface promo.
1244 
1245The Beautiful People were where they always are on Impact, in the make-up room putting their faces on. Of course, after Velvet left, Winter had magically appeared in the room. They only showed her in the mirror, though. She acted all creepy. Of course, as soon as Velvet came back she'd disappeared. And this wasn't a case of her sneaking in and sneaking out, as some people have claimed, because when she appeared the make-up later disappeared and vice versa. This brings up many questions. What really happened here? Did the make-up lady transform into Winter and vice versa, like a shapeshifter? Or is Winter a figment of Angelina's imagination? If that's the case, what was the make-up lady doing while Angelina was talking to herself? And why can we see Winter if she's not really there? This is SHIT.
1246 
1247Kelly was looking in the mirror when Cody Rhodes walked up and started gawking at himself. He said if she paid attention he could show her how to be dashing. Big Show walked up and challenged him to a match later. Cody said that won't work out. He said I'm not scared, I'm a tag team wrestler. If you had a partner, he said, I'd love to have the match, but you don't have a partner so that's impossible. Show said people liked him, he could find a partner. Cody was not happy but said fine, let's do it.
1248 
1249Jack Swagger vs. Kaval. Cole during this match started putting over not just Kaval but also Daniel Bryan, saying they were hard workers who had busted their ass for ten years to get to this position. Yes, Michael Cole, the same Michael Cole who spent all of the previous match talking about what a nerd Bryan was. I don't get it either unless Vince had a change of heart in the last ten minutes. Swagger finally sent his leg into the post and then put him in the ankle lock for the submission. Good match, finish no surprise… It was time for the Diva Halloween contest. Bellas came out as Batman and Robin. Alicia was Cleopatra. Kelly was Little Bo Peep. Rosa Mendes was "The Lucky Leprechaun." Melina was "The Amazing Spider Woman." Laycool was Lady Gaga and Beyonce. Hornswaggle was there dressed as a cowboy, complete with GUNS. Teddy said instead of choosing a winner it was time for an eight-Diva tag match. Oh wow. Melina & Kelly & Bellas vs. Laycool & Rosa & Alicia. I am now at the point where I feel bad for making fun of Melina in every match, but fuck she was awful here. She even tripped trying to run the ropes. In her defense, Rosa was worse. A lot worse, actually. Kelly pinned her with her move. This was a train wreck.