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1seconds we're recording
2welcome ladies and gentlemen it's my
3pleasure to introduce to you today Steve
4my ADA from Austin Texas this interview
5fits in a series of interviews in which
6I want to introduce to you the people
7that have inspired me continue to
8inspire me which I'm fascinated by and
9also want to explore more which are the
10gifts they have to give to the world
11and then find ways to help in that you
12know so this is the interview where I'm
13gonna explore more what's in the head of
14Steve also what his work exists off and
15and then we're gonna address a couple of
16themes well the interview is mainly
17because I don't know so much about
18kneeboard not enough I've always been
19fascinated by his fire with which he
20speaks and posts
21he seems a man that that's burning and I
22really resonate with that I'm also very
23fascinated by the community that he's a
24co-creating in Austin Texas some of the
25people of our community are in his
26community and the other way around and
27it seems like a lot of the ideas are
28very are aligned with each other so
29today I just want to explore a bit more
30and hope to forge our friendship a
31little bit more and see how I can help
32through him to bring his message through
33the world so yeah we're gonna see his
34story we're gonna see his gifts because
35I don't know much about him I asked him
36to write give an introduction himself
37and he wrote me this I want to read it
38to you Steve my era is a man's coach in
39Austin Texas he focus on focuses on
40dating sex and addiction his teaching
41style is self proclaimed and different
42he's a Brazilian jiu-jitsu and wim HOF
43enthusiast and he talks way too much for
44his own account do you really think
45you're talking too much Steve right now
46I'm talking way too much hahaha you guys
47will see you guys will just be like shut
48up
49up and let Han stock I'm sure
50within this interview so that's gonna
51happen no today is your story your gifts
52so we want you to talk as much as
53possible we usually shoot for an hour
54but this interview will go for as long
55as it's needed let's get right into it
56what what I'm gonna tell people this is
57the timeline or this is what we're going
58to present today when I talk about steve
59steve story which is past present and
60future whatever he thinks is very
61important in the man he became today
62we're going to talk about his work and
63then we're going to talk about a couple
64of these like acting anyway about anger
65we're going to talk about sex and we're
66going to talk about women and we'll end
67with what's on the horizon for
68perceiving that in the near future so
69we'll start with your story yeah tell
70your story in say five to ten minutes oh
71Jesus man you can't put a cap on that
72man so I'm excited to talk about anger
73and sex cuz those are to like people
74things but um you know for me you know I
75grew up in California and Hawaii and you
76know just normal kid I'm half Japanese
77but I grew up mainly you know within a
78you know kind of like an assimilated
79American upper-middle class community
80and um man I just was never a happy kid
81I was a crazy kid I did like nuts things
82you know I was I was you know very
83athletic and always getting into trouble
84and you know I was that kid that a lot
85of people were definitely afraid of and
86perhaps for good reason and I'm you know
87when I was mad I forget how old I was
88but when I was you know thirteen or
89fourteen I you know was was hanging out
90with the the good crowd or what a lot of
91people would call the wrong crowd and
92you know getting into a lot of fights
93and you know just getting up
94doing drugs being bored stealing
95and a man it was awesome the other
96problem is is you know I was I was
97really unhappy but I didn't have any
98ways to deal with like those things I
99ran away from my home when I was fifteen
100and it was awesome I went back but uh
101it's awesome I lived with this Hawaiian
102family that I still
103my family and of course my I consider my
104mom and dad and brother my family as
105well but at that time you know y'all
106confused you're 15 and it was so great
107you know I got to live with these people
108and it was just nuts you know there were
109like six kids living in this house and
110the mom was awesome I still considered
111my fake mom and just really good really
112open-minded which was the opposite of my
113family long story short my parents is in
114Hawaii this was in California but I was
115gonna move to Hawaii with them and when
116I was gonna do that
117my parents called the police and they
118filed kidnapping charges and I'm like so
119I had to go home they didn't really get
120entertained but you know basically that
121moves me home the couple months later
122you know it's funny story so you know
123it's like when you're a parent I'm a
124parent now you know you don't know what
125to do my parents are like what the
126do we do with this kid you know my
127brother was really successful
128i brother's a college professor now and
129super athlete he's five years older than
130me and he you know like places and
131CrossFit and the national level and all
132this stuff and he's just really really
133still like hitting home runs but he
134never had problems like me and or didn't
135you know in problems at what you know
136they're in our head we have the same
137reality to deal with it's just for
138different people and so basically you
139know my parents like okay well you know
140try and make this thing back to normal
141and this is nuts man is so beautiful
142because it is the beginnings of
143seduction I had no experience with women
144you know I'm 15 or 16 or I was 15 at the
145time and I I'm cliff diving in
146California with some friends and we meet
147these chicks and you know I don't know
148how to talk to girls and I'm you know
149typical story you know the woman chooses
150you she puts the moves on you and like
151like we go cliff-diving it was really
152cool man this place off of Dana Point
153there's actually a long story into that
154because I've gone there many times and
155to people like almost died and we had to
156save them was crazy this is a couple
157months down the road from that but I met
158this girl and I had no experience with
159women and we're going cliff jumping and
160we jump and we're like oh my god you
161know that chicks top came off or
162whatever here like weird you know
163like like holy see anyway she starts
164talking to me and she wants to meet me
165she wants to go out with me and I don't
166know anything and you know basically for
167a 15 16 year-old kid it's like Oh anyone
168do you want to like sneak some beers you
169want to like go hang out at the mall or
170like eat all these things that you
171you're trying to do and I remember I
172made out with her and she she took off
173her top huge boobs in like is a boy you
174don't know and now I've just had you
175know I don't know how many I've been
176around thousands of naked bodies but
177experienced you know hundreds or
178whatever whatever but to get like that
179perfection that you remember was just so
180awesome you know
181and it is beautiful and she didn't know
182what to do I didn't know what to do and
183you know you you're you you're as a man
184you're horny as a girl you're horny but
185have different you know ways of
186expressing and you know you know nothing
187really went beyond that but just to see
188a human breast and that way I don't
189think was my first time but it was just
190massive and it had a certain feeling to
191because was so big and you see the
192nipple in a certain way you're just like
193ah that's amazing and you you know blow
194your load in your pants or whatever and
195you walk off and shake him or wet it but
196it's just so awesome and I you not
197I was with this girl and the reason why
198I brought this up because I was with
199this girl and my Hawaiian mom made this
200like little you know pouch of you know
201this kind of like a good omen thing for
202me and I think she stole it
203anyway it was gone and I'm like where
204the is that thing and she's like I
205don't know I don't know whatever in and
206I I just remember after that within like
207a couple days I od'd I took I took a
208bunch of Valium and barbiturates and
209and I think I had some like heroin
210and we were doing all sorts of drugs
211right and I and I oh Deena I'd never had
212that happen I didn't have to be revived
213but you know I just woke up and I was
214like dope sick as hell and I just
215remember I couldn't go to the bathroom
216which like I'd never had that experience
217anybody who does opiates that's what
218happens like panicked I had to go but I
219couldn't go and just nothing worked and
220I was just sick
221parents didn't know what was wrong with
222me and but anyway I bounce back from
223that and then I was just like you know
224what
225it I'm done with life and uh so I
226took the rest of my heroin took all
227these pills wrote like some suicide note
228saying like you to the world as if
229it mattered and then I I didn't die
230fortunately iron-forged at the time I
231was like damn it and I yeah I got the I
232made I was in a coma for like a week and
233you know it's funny cuz I've never
234thought the same since not in a good way
235like a like I always had trouble reading
236but after that like major problems
237cognitively I went to rehab and after
238that a lot of my life changed and um you
239know was still a virgin
240you know dated people here and there and
241you know had whatever mild sexual
242experiences as a guy but I didn't really
243have that much experience and it wasn't
244until I was 18 yeah 18 that I lost my
245virginity but the crazy thing about that
246and what's so great and so many people
247misinterpret this story but it's it's
248beautiful the pain in your lives
249and the pain the tragedies in your lives
250for everyone in your life somehow work
251out good if you can live through it
252that's what you need to know but my
253girlfriend you know she were dating I
254have sex it's like amazing like I can't
255believe it it's like this this amazing
256world and she would kind of like do
257whatever and you know and basically a
258short you know in like a couple days we
259did all the experimentation we could do
260but we work together and we worked at a
261gas station and the I was there some
262guys were there I went across the street
263and they robbed it and they kidnapped
264her and she got sexually assaulted a
265terrible thing right for hours on
266end and then we didn't know where she
267was and we're looking for and the police
268to surround the station we don't
269understand what's going on and like five
270or six hours later you know she comes
271back they threw her out of a moving car
272like this horrible experience for her
273it's like obviously it's extremely
274terrible for her we tried to stay
275together went to counseling after that
276you know you're 18 years old you don't
277really know anything but so trumped I
278got all these STDs like I always talk
279about this because I think it's funny
280that people get so freaked out by uh
281STIs my sex like my
282me having sex with a woman maybe five or
283six times I got I got mono I got I got
284herpes I got all this stuff like all
285this which stuck with me and I was
286like oh my god God has cursed me this is
287truly bad anyway
288I I was just so ashamed of it and so we
289eventually broke up and we went our
290separate ways with stuff and I guess
291figured out life on our own guys never
292got caught until much much later and um
293you know I didn't talk to anybody for
294three years you know and uh she kept
295trying to have relationships and you
296know now she's she has a family and all
297this sort of stuff because people always
298ask about her and I but I didn't talk to
299her for years though how we came back
300together was sixteen years later the
301guys got caught through new DNA stuff
302and um but you know what's crazy is who
303you have to be and it's much different
304for her but who you have to be to note
305because I saw the guys who did it to
306know who did it but they can't be
307prosecuted and you have to let them walk
308for all of this sort of stuff because
309you can't prove it and there was
310evidence that was screwed up but
311obviously it worked out sixteen years
312later and like to the you have to
313go do for that is crazy and so this is
314why sexist you know you know you knew
315who it was before they got convicted or
316car okay so I saw them and this is this
317is actually a real crazy thing so I saw
318them but we couldn't get a positive ID
319and the DNA was screwed up at the time
320because there was different types of
321testing and we could the her
322identification you get traumatized then
323you get into the cold police procedures
324crazy you know it's necessary but it's
325just it's my mending when you're that
326age for her and for me and we it was
327just so up anyway you you don't
328ID things properly and so we both
329identified the car differently they went
330with her identification of it I don't
331even know if mine was right but it was
332just so ridiculous and then the guys
333that I could ID like somehow it just
334I don't know stopped mattering and there
335were too many like you know they they
336had I don't know they they had alibis or
337something like that but what ended up
338happening was it did turn out to be two
339of the guys that we had ID'd but it just
340didn't work out in the initial
341investigation sixteen years later you
342know I had to ID them and they show you
343shots on a screen and I'm like man I
344don't know what I'm gonna expect from
345this I remember I saw the dudes face and
346I was like that's him man that was
347just like so up you know like you
348have like flashbacks of that whole time
349and the feelings and emotions that come
350with it
351but by then you know I had done a lot of
352I guess you could say healing myself or
353work on myself but it's you know what a
354beautiful thing obviously there's
355torture and torment and I remember some
356guy so some guy like at the gym so I do
357Jitsu I'm one of the coaches who teaches
358you Jitsu at one of the gyms I workout
359at and the guy he was talking about STDs
360I'm like man if you have STDs don't
361worry about it like tell people about it
362and if you tell people about it they're
363usually open to it and I tell them right
364away because it puts sex on the table
365like I honestly think if if we're dating
366each other and we're not having sex
367because of social rules and don't get me
368wrong I don't think people should be
369disrespected but we need to redefine
370what disrespect is if we don't have if
371we have social rules guiding us we are
372lying to each other so I'll tell people
373I'm like hey look I like you I don't
374know you that well but you know I have
375herpes my ex girl forgot raped it's
376crazy fucked-up story and the dude said
377afterwards he goes man so you use your
378ex-girlfriend getting rape to get laid
379and I was like man if that's how you
380heard I'm sorry
381and we're like gym training partner so I
382was like man you know I kind of joked
383out of it saying like that's all you
384heard but it's like now man that like
385that's a story that I lived through and
386I'm telling it and I'm telling it to
387people I mean potentially so they
388understand why I might have whatever
389issues that I have but it's it why
390should that be seen is a manipulative
391act it's it in a way it's me sharing who
392I am what che
393to me what shaped why I was angry about
394sex well I was tormented about sex for
395years and when people have pain about
396sex they put boundaries around it and
397they think that that's right that's like
398as if if I show and you know I think we
399should have borders in our country and
400all that sort of stuff
401but if I live by those borders I can't
402see the difference between in a United
403States of American citizen and a Mexican
404citizen when humanity knows no
405difference and I live by you know what
406my humanity is first and then I live as
407you know an American or whatever I live
408first is a sexual being and then as a
409person who has my own set of rules and
410issues and we need to know that the the
411truth or whatever that is within us is
412attached to that humanity or that
413seduction or that born to be quality
414that I call it that we have anyway
415somehow and there I then became a pickup
416artist and you know a justice when I was
41728 okay so I became a dad when I was 28
418the South crazy
419so first off when I'm 20 you know I'm
420like trying to stay clean all stuff I
421relapse I'm like man this and I
422yeah I started drinking again and stuff
423didn't get that bad but and like it got
424really bad so by the time I'm 28
425I my first son is born I'm like man I
426want to be a dad I don't know what's
427going on and I tried man so November so
428my son was born in December's birthday's
429coming up December 13th and I'm like all
430right it's in November I'm playing with
431my band and I mean dude at that point it
432was like whatever you put in front of me
433I do you know like what we did like I'm
434not yet a dad I didn't know if I was the
435dad but you know whatever I actually
436played that role more than the other guy
437but my pastimes were like you know
438drinking to oblivion you know I had to
439have sex I had to start crying about my
440life you know like things for fun is
441like a couple of my friends are dead a
442lot of my friends are dead from that but
443I remember me and my friend
444we'd like get
445hammered and run as fast as we could
446into a wall like with our head down sand
447see who would not keep ourselves out or
448who would out usually like the
449things that we would do so this is like
450my my late 20s of just crazy and our key
451whatever I'm 41 so basically you know
452I'm 28 and I'm like man I have to stop
453like I could be a dad and so I did but
454I'm like man I don't want to do all that
455that I did when I was like 17 18
456you know trying to get clean then and um
457cuz now I have baggage you know I've
458like yeah part of the way I funded
459myself yeah I was a waiter whatever but
460I stole stuff and trapped like I
461traveled around the country and played
462music in DIY punk bands and basically
463rip off now that was what I did and
464so I wasn't really good with women so my
465baggage wasn't really sexual baggage but
466it was like fighting vandalism like just
467being a dick and I like to meet like a
468punk rock ethic is a very cool thing but
469to me what I interpreted as was just a
470reason that did not be responsible for
471anything that was that was my thing
472but a true you know punk rock ethic is
473much different but I you know I lived in
474that scene and I got up all the
475time and to be honest like a lot of
476people are grossed out by the intensity
477that I bring to the table but dude there
478were people in that scene that did it on
479a whole different level I give you
480there's a band called leftover crack or
481a band that was called Dillinger for and
482like some of those guys from those bands
483like sturgeon from leftover crack was
484just I mean the guys and in saying like
485there's this guy Matt he played in his
486band Lucifer is dead and you know just
487insane level of not giving a like the
488highest degree like it was just weird I
489mean if you asked me to in a box
490and throw it on somebody I'd do it but
491they would just do stuff that he put the
492fear of God and so up
493so but anyway so I just hung out with a
494lot of those people and you know I I was
495like man I got to stop getting loaded
496I did i white and uncle did I became a
497dad a lot of like all my friends dropped
498away just because when your party you're
499in that environment you're not partying
500with him it kind of slipped away I was
501like man I'm gonna get back into film
502work so I worked as an artist too and I
503get back in the film work I'll do that I
504help shoot a movie I did like grip work
505on a movie and I'm then is not like
506trying like emotionally just warped and
507uh I found the pickup artist scene I
508remember I stole the book the game and I
509didn't read it all the girl the mother
510of my kids read and she's like you'd be
511good at this and I was like okay and
512then I like looked online at the
513internet marketing found like you know
514like call these guys like talking about
515it and I was like I'm gonna try this out
516and then I paid for a workshop and lied
517to everybody about where I was going did
518it and you know did really well but what
519it was interesting as I met dudes who
520lived in doubt I went to Arizona for the
521workshop but I met people in Dallas
522where I lived that was Fort Worth who
523were they were actually teaching at that
524workshop who became very noted PU A's at
525the time and dude you know I was so used
526to like like it was like Steve go up and
527like spit on that guy and tell him he's
528gay or something so he'll fight him and
529it didn't and I'm small you know but I
530just I'd do it and I get in a fight you
531know and or not or you know get my ass
532kicked or something but a lot of times
533if you act that crazy people just
534they're mad but they're like this guy's
535like this guy's like this guy's gonna
536give me hepatitis C if I fight him or
537something like they're just you know
538that afraid to fight you they're angry
539but they don't actually wanna they're
540not afraid that they can't beat you up
541they think you might get sick by you so
542I was used to doing like that and
543I'd be terrified if I did that now but I
544was used to doing like that and
545when you got into the pickup scene they
546were like go talk to that girl you know
547go go kiss her on the shoulder I'm like
548really yep
549totally no problem and so you hear all
550these things and pickup is so full of
551at the time especially like it
552still can be like obviously there's
553people selling to you
554but like back then it was just so
555ridiculous they were like if you do this
556move and you save this thing you do this
557an Opie thing she's gonna want to
558you and so I would like try it you know
559I was like you know women think this way
560and I'd be like okay let's try it and so
561I was really brazen and so it led to a
562lot of success what's crazy is is then
563you know so I take a workshop I start
564making friends with these guys they
565start flying me out to their workshops
566is like a coach assistant and which is
567cool because you get a free trip and
568I've never done that you know it was
569just staying in nice places and all over
570the u.s. at the time not yet
571international and people would be like
572hey I want to hire you
573and I remember and I was a pretty
574compassionate guy right and so this
575whole time I'm not I'm not getting
576up I'm still within this window
577of my first son being born and then like
578you know he's he's about a year old and
579then I started like pickup is like
580really dysfunctional and ya know I
581didn't know what to do for better for
582worse you know you you don't know what
583to do
584and you make and you're coming from pain
585you make a lot of bad decisions so man I
586I get asked by a guy to do a one-on-one
587with him and I mean you gotta realize
588like I waited tables sometimes I did
589photography I worked in theater but most
590the time I stole stuff to make money and
591so we're not talking to huge amount of
592money and this dude is like yeah well
593you know why don't we work together you
594know this is 2006 or 7 at the time so
595different economy and he goes well what
596do you say you know four days we go to
597Miami
598I'll pay you $8,000 I was like okay and
599um and I was working with a company so I
600had to split that but it ended up being
601in Scottsdale at the end of it he said
602he's like look man all these guys all
603these guys like you know the different
604than you and he showed me this picture
605back then we didn't have phones but he
606takes this like he takes like his phone
607or his camera out be socially pictures
608he's like Steve Andy this guy did
609amazing on us like one on one I couldn't
610believe it
611and he goes he's like this is my
612ex-fiance and I'm like analyst clearly
613we should have started here man this is
614the end of four days like what the
615is going on he's like that's her yeah
616that's her like 2003 gives us together
617when we're traveling to Madrid better
618like the is going on this guy's
619like up and he goes man she died
620of cancer and I didn't know what to do
621afterwards and um you know like I didn't
622think I could talk to women and
623obviously you know you know I'm pretty
624good at it he was good at it like this
625guy looks like it's got no problem
626talking to women but he's like I just
627didn't believe I could but I had to talk
628to somebody who was you know like a guy
629could relate with and the guys the
630course I took I couldn't relate with
631them so you know you should do this man
632anything you can do to do this you
633should do and I just assumed it was like
634my involvement in rehabs from like 17 to
63520 that I got to had certain depth of
636people and that sort of thing and so I
637was like man and it was crazy
6382006/7 you're making all this money you
639you know I had some wins you know in
640terms of guys like that I mean that was
641like the first dude and he's telling me
642this and he did help me out a lot a
643great guy man tremendous and uh you know
644I think it's just what I realized too is
645men you know men are very motivated by
646sex but a lot of times we come with pain
647or confusion and there's pain and
648confusion that can just come like I was
649in pain because I was just stupid and
650was so rebellious but there's pain and
651confusion that can come from just not
652being able to be a man in the world and
653we don't understand it then we start
654blaming the world and it was crazy so in
655that whole thing you know I ended up
656there's another funny story I say it's
657funny I say it's awesome but then I end
658up relapsing I like start coaching I'm
659like getting up again I was only
660just drinking and maybe some pills here
661and there
662I'm I'm 29 30 and um just like at that I
663just remember that the first the first
664time I drank around my pickup artists
665buddies they're like oh you're not so
666bad like two or three nights later I've
667gotten some big fight with them and like
668I just got naked and beat the out
669of him or so like just toward just they
670were like yeah man you probably should
671chill out a little bit on the booze so I
672was just like nine more months then I
673got cleaned until now and uh now I live
674the boring life is what everybody always
675says like you don't drink
676so only nine months of my like PUA
677career did I drink and I will tell you
678this from it is that and I I clearly
679have a problem with this right so not
680everybody has this but one thing I give
681them this is it may be better to protein
682but it made me worse at everything
683afterwards except if I needed to
684brazenly escalate sexually because when
685you're drunk you're just you're breaking
686all the rules so maybe you don't want to
687be that guy but when you're drunk you'll
688make those huge leaps of a protein or
689ask a lady but uh thankfully I learned
690other ways to do it anyway so yeah
691that's that's it it's probably more than
692five minutes well we're only we're only
693into your thirties now so well no this
694is then you ever or the work that you do
695now took shape right and oh yeah man
696it's beautiful like my I would encourage
697everybody well of course if you're in
698your 20s you're on the straight narrow
699that's good but your 20s or when you can
700up you you know you're only
701indestructible for a third of your life
702right so up until thirty thirty-five
703you're you're you're an animal like live
704that animal well however you want if
705you're up you know make it out
706alive
707make it out alive you're good you know
708do what you love and quit before it
709kills you you know that's a very
710important thing in my life and coming
711from people who I know who you know life
712took him away and you know some of them
713could have prevented it some of it was a
714bad accident but you know live that life
715yeah that's the only thing I know and if
716you do it a different way cool that's
717great
718but for me
719like man like all that like God I had my
720for me I was able to stop in my 30s
721might be able to stop in your 33:35 I
722was 30 and when I was able to calm down
723I had to relearn some things and so in
724my 30s so I didn't give a about
725money I didn't give a I needed it
726to eat but I didn't give a about it
727when I was 30 I then started to make
728money so you know we were talking about
729this in another conversation about
730business but you need to generate
731success if you want to understand
732success and you talked about this with
733women too or whatever you want to learn
734something want to get in shape though
735when I was 30 I hadn't worked out so I
736was athletic when I was 15 stop working
737out 15 to 31
738I had not run a mile and I remember the
739first time I ran a mile again it was
740like amazing I couldn't believe it you
741know it was so hard to get back there
742likes a jog down the street at first was
743difficult you're like man when I was 15
744I could do this all day long
745but um I was out of shape you know I
746don't get obese fat but I get fat I'm
747probably it like if I DEXA scan myself
748I'd probably add 20% right now which is
749a lot but um the the you know much
750fatter it's probably 30 pounds heavier
751than I am now and but I don't get huge
752but I eat a ton yeah I smoked all
753the time there every now and again I'll
754have a cigarette or cigar just cuz it's
755so it's that's another story but haha
756last time in Austin in a cigar oh yeah
757yeah yeah yeah yeah see it's a it's it's
758one of those things like it's so it it's
759it's a good thing I like it right but uh
760you know I'm fairly athletic now you
761know like today I I woke up this morning
762and taught my jiu-jitsu class rolled
763with three or four guys and you know
764Chow actually said so it was a beginner
765class but I was like man if you can get
766a tap on me I'll give you 20 bucks get
767it let's go hard or whatever so um there
768was a lot of fun and made it made it out
769without having to pay up but it actually
770it's good when I have to pay cuz you
771know that they're surprising me with
772then you go to another class you
773just get slaughtered
774depends on the different levels but um
775no mana like when when I was thirty I
776hadn't worked out I get clean I'm
777totally broken I know how to up dude I
778know at this point I know how to meet
779women and I know how to get whatever I
780want like and it's not like whatever you
781want it's whatever I want
782so put me in another country I could get
783laid I could stay with a girl I could
784get a girlfriend I could have great sex
785with her I could have an adventure
786I could feel amazing you know but you
787know after two weeks or a month or
788whatever that relationship with fall
789apart or maybe even sooner but I could
790get that you know it will now that's not
791everybody knows what guys need to
792realize like and this is what a good
793standard for me is for your love life
794for sex life if you could go wherever in
795the world could you find what you want
796right that's that's important that's a
797great skill and again it's not so it's
798not what everybody else wants it's what
799you want and so I could get that now I
800couldn't get that with everybody you
801know I didn't necessarily get him from
802approaching much even at that time you
803know in 2008 you know it's like speeches
804of me giving like that pickup is
805approaching is and you
806see people go through this I mean
807obviously a proteins good in some ways
808or whatever but this culture that we
809create about becoming a man through
810approaching it it almost has nothing to
811do with the seduction part or the sex
812part the joys or the the actual
813masculinity part but to meet somebody is
814a good skill to have and I'm to be
815social is just a tremendous skill it's
816just people didn't make it about being
817social they made it about their pain of
818not being a man anyway whatever so the
819thing is is that I can get that but it's
820not good so I'm clean I'm starting to do
821so people now I work with all sorts of
822people who get clean and all sorts of
823different ways but at the time and still
824now I'm go with a 12-step thing and all
825these people have problems with that and
826someone rightfully so but I still do it
827and I still think it's a good thing but
828also I've worked with people who've done
829like iboga
830you know go through a different thing or
831do some other form of recovery but it's
832all good it's happy to get clean is cool
833but the thing is is that I start working
834on myself I'm still a sexual person yeah
835and I met you way back when with zan and
836Austen probably around this time and uh
837you know it's cool because zan was
838always a cool guy like who could you
839talk to in two thousand eight or nine
840about sex or relationships you know you
841talk to somebody in this industry and
842they're gonna lie to you about it they
843call man you control the bitches and
844these or whatever it's just like and you
845kind of believe it but then you get the
846experience here like that's not true
847you know so I always valued a lot of
848what zan and what he said what hypnotica
849you know that what they were saying you
850know like cuz they they'd experience
851things and there was like it wasn't all
852just like this great story you know it
853was this great story that clearly came
854from experience and it was just so such
855a cool thing anyway man I just developed
856and in this way we're you know I could
857start to stabilize my emotions see where
858I was coming from
859I wasn't causing more damage I still had
860so much damage to clean up and I started
861to realize like sex was my bottom and I
862remember in 2008 I got this girlfriend
863and she changed my life man this where
864seduction is such a beautiful thing so
865many women even in my mid-20s like so I
866was afraid to have sex because of you
867know my girlfriend's trauma and or her
868traumatic experience that traumatized me
869and of course there's much worse but it
870just shook me you know it shook me and
871um you know I would have in my in my
872mid-20s it started having sex again I
873didn't have sex for years and let alone
874a girlfriend didn't even talk to women
875but um in my mid-20s I started have sex
876again and I remember this girl said she
877was just this nice very beautiful girl
878that's nice nice like
879girl and she's like my say
880you're gonna my slapped me
881and choke me and I did it I slapped her
882I choked her and I was like I'm
883like those rapists like I'm like I can't
884believe I'm liking this I I'm coming I I
885am this I am this bad person oh Jesus
886you know I think all this like terrible
887stuff and I'm like yeah I can't process
888it right and then I I went out with this
889girl amazing woman her name's Julia
890she's there's there's two women
891in my life named Julia that were just on
892the the seduction wise taught me so much
893and one was much later but Julia we were
89425 26 and we just had so much sex and
895loved it I just went through all that
896pain as she describes she's like I've
897never had sex with somebody who's puked
898on me while having sex I've never had
899sex with somebody who passed out while
900having sex I've just never met somebody
901that had to drink himself into oblivion
902or get up to pass out but have
903sex cry get violent all in one thing
904it's pretty amazing
905I'm like man how did you cuz I still
906talk to him like how did you how did you
907want that with a but it was great
908it made me realize I enjoyed sex so
909that's a little bit in Reverse when I'm
910by the time I'm 30 I've had so much sex
911that you know like whatever who cares
912about the count of partners it's the
913quality of the sex but I had a lot and I
914could get whatever I wanted it's just I
915got it I got it to feel like I'm in pain
916she's gonna make me feel good I feel
917like oh man I owe like $2,000 in
918child support like let's this chick
919you know or let's let's have this
920relationship oh this person saying I'm a
921piece of I uh
922let me feel like I am worthy cuz I am
923like she's gonna think I'm you know
924amazing cuz she's gonna think I'm a god
925I'm gonna go do that so I stopped having
926sex for the beauty of sex you know like
927that humanity I lost that I had it
928because my insecurities you know was
929telling me where to go I always say this
930in coaching pain shows us where the
931problem is but it won't show us the
932answer the answer comes much different
933and so I'm in all this you know pain
934that I can't see camping my
935but I know I don't want to be here now
936so I'm gonna go I'm gonna go to what
937feels good you know power whatever
938it is right you watch that movie
939Enter the Void if they go to this club
940in Japan and it's money sex power it's
941so funny but uh but to me it was like I
942wouldn't coin it as power
943horse or sex or whatever but it was like
944how could I get the thing which would
945make me feel good and it gets
946accentuated because I'm coming from a
947deficit so it starts getting like very
948addict like I'm grabbing at different
949things
950whatever feels good but I stop and join
951it I have partners I have multiple
952girlfriends at this time and I mix them
953up and I don't care and I don't it's
954like did I even like sex I didn't even
955like sex all that time with Julia in the
956past when I was 26 I was full of it
957never even happened
958like I mean we did it or we did and
959we did but it was just scums
960fooling myself
961I hear men talk this way and then I met
962this girl she has a very unique name I
963won't say it I'll call her Trish this
964girl changed my life man I met her and I
965get to work in Trinidad Tobago
966and I meet her is great this is the last
967time last time I smoked pot smoke this
968big I smoked this big ass joint with
969this guy ding is great man I learned how
970to open beer bottles with my teeth and
971and I and I was drinking then so I
972opened a beer bottle my teeth I like
973learn this great art ding rolls this big
974fat joint man this huge joint and we're
975seeing on the street all these people
976are fighting we're in Trinidad which is
977a pretty it could be a rough country I
978always say a Trinidadians always get
979pissed off and like nomads it's a rough
980country I think I've seen
981bizarre man anyway so we smoke this
982joint it's not really hitting me and all
983the people I'm there with our fighting
984and I've been to Trinidad before and I
985had met I met Trish and she drives up
986and she's like let's get the out of
987here man so I get out of there and I
988the you know that the cars are
989english-style commonwealth's Tyler so
990she's on the right side and I'm on the
991left and she had these huge boobs not
992really a boob guy keep bringing this up
993but she this year
994and she's sitting there driving she's
995talking talking to her she talks more
996than me we're smoking cigarettes and the
997weed hits me and I'm like like floored
998cuz ding and I we smoked a lot like it
999wasn't working man I was like what the
1000and um I just look over at her and
1001I don't know what to do and I'm in Trish
1002and I had talked a lot like we had
1003actually we had never had a formal
1004relationship but I had met her before
1005and I think I'd like you know kind of
1006like hinted at some sexual stuff and
1007she's just like boom right back I mean
1008like it was pretty green light but I'm
1009just so wasted I can't do anything
1010remember what I said you know getting
1011up you can make those jobs easier
1012and I just grabbed her tits and I just
1013remember one of the few things I
1014remember is she's like okay we could do
1015that and I that man there's a lot to
1016this story I'll skip over the some some
1017cool parts we'll save that for the next
1018podcast but I just get naked I just get
1019naked in the car and in the car and I
1020don't really remember all of that and
1021then we end up to go get doubles which
1022is this really good street food there
1023it's just like bread with China with a
1024chickpea beings whatever garbanzo beans
1025and sauce and it's like 50 cents is
1026great let's get some doubles so we go to
1027a Cure rep which has the best doubles in
1028Trinidad there's there was a midget who
1029used to hand them out as awesome and we
1030get there the doubles place is closed
1031and that somebody knocks on the window
1032and everybody in Trinidad is very dark
1033they're generally East Indian or African
1034descent of the really really dark and
1035I'm not and I just remember so like when
1036I the next thing I remember after being
1037naked and grabbing her tits is this guy
1038knocking down the window like asking
1039after the double places close we find
1040that out
1041he's like asking for money or
1042or some and you couldn't see in her
1043cogs they were all tinted and she rolled
1044it down he's like holy look at the
1045ghost man you know because I'm all white
1046naked and he leaves and then we got a
1047hotel and for ten days all we did was
1048and I remember it was so amazing I
1049you know I dated this girl we had a
1050relationship for years and she changed
1051so much of my life but in that time in
1052that ten days it was like you got to
1053know that all these urges see it's a
1054long story just to get to this I was
1055up I had up but I
1056knew sex was good and I knew this urge
1057was good but this urge was also killing
1058me this urge to and to feel with
1059women was killing me but in that time
1060this beautiful process happened and I'm
1061working you know I'm working in
1062seduction this whole time so I got to
1063test it out afterwards we're
1064we're we're we get to
1065all the things of it's like give
1066your baby do whatever you want to me
1067like me in these ways like take my
1068seat take my pain you know let me let me
1069cry in front of you let me and you know
1070there's always coming out but it
1071made me realize like man that time with
1072Julia was not it wasn't wasn't fake I
1073now I now remember it this time with you
1074there's this carnal drive that I have
1075that I can't understand that makes me
1076feel good too fast that makes me feel
1077good so fast that I forget about the
1078pain and I use it like pressing a button
1079instead of getting to know it and
1080getting to sit in it and seeing that my
1081pain comes out in a different way my
1082love or you know I don't know if I had
1083love but I I could love when my dick was
1084in a woman you know to feel that comes
1085out in a different way and to understand
1086that there was this process that I had
1087to go through that you know when I hear
1088people talk about ayahuasca or DMT or
1089something like that
1090you know they're like oh man you know I
1091saw God I mean I've done
1092DMT I've done the toad and done all
1093these ceremonial things since and
1094whatever but nothing beats sex in that
1095way where you're with a woman and you
1096see her and she looks at you differently
1097and she could have been a stack of
1098bricks
1099you know before and of course you know
1100we all want hot when there whatever
1101we see beauty and we interpret
1102it as like we want to have sex with that
1103there's this social definition but
1104there's these other things when a woman
1105likes you and she was like maybe not a
1106woman we'd be attracted to and all of a
1107sudden it's like oh and and then it's
1108like how what am i drawn like man why do
1109I want that when I was in even I could
1110still be in pain now I can differentiate
1111it a little bit better but it would be
1112like I want that I want that I want
1113that I want that you know I don't want
1114to feel like this and I want that but
1115it's it's not as simple as that it's not
1116as polarizing as that it's that I want
1117to taste that because it's true it's you
1118it's masculine there's a truth in it
1119that is there and we were talking about
1120this on another conversation where it's
1121like you and I and I don't know all the
1122details about your story but we went
1123into the Garden of Eden in order to be
1124sexually happy you could have one
1125partner you could have an arranged
1126marriage you could have a monogamous
1127life you could have all these different
1128things one's not better than the other
1129the important thing is that you
1130experience it and then you can speak
1131from another part of yourself when you
1132can experience it I decided to go on
1133this thing which society and culture
1134made available to have all this crazy
1135sex
1136so one style of having sex isn't better
1137than the other just my story is that I
1138started out with tons and I also walked
1139in with all this weird to of like
1140being all angry and sad or whatever and
1141not able to articulate it but with sex
1142and think about this I've only talked
1143about well I've talked about a couple
1144but really two women who changed me at
1145the core and since then there's been a
1146few more but it's still a few it's a
1147handful man and I've been with many
1148because I make mistakes because I don't
1149know I'm still trying to speak this
1150language but I see this this this beauty
1151in her and her looking at me and this
1152need to commit myself to her and in just
1153her body and it you know and if I looked
1154at what I wanted in a woman before that
1155she didn't fit many of the checkmarks of
1156it but there
1157was there it was there it gave me the
1158power that it was like my illusion of
1159what well is what's hot is what I want a
1160relationship this is what's gonna be
1161good for me all goes away
1162no this is what I need this is the truth
1163and seductions truth is beautiful I see
1164so many people running from that because
1165they've experienced trauma rape divorce
1166bad things but know that you should
1167always love women they have the thing
1168that completes you and I love it all the
1169mix out guys are like look at this
1170insane piece of dude I've been
1171burned probably worse than a lot of
1172those guys but the love for women gave
1173me the powers of man and to tell me that
1174you can be a man it's like being a
1175fighter but never having been in a fight
1176like you have to fight you have to lose
1177you always win if you always get first
1178if you don't know how to come back from
1179getting your ass kicked or beat or have
1180a woman's full effect test you you know
1181you really want a woman who sex whose
1182essence our femininity her stuff beyond
1183the sex is 100 but you wanted to be so
1184great but you can't let it hurt you man
1185you're a coward
1186yes oh man there's so much in our
1187biology and in our spirit or whatever
1188you want to call it that gets Unleashed
1189from that woman and after that I was
1190like I'm with Trish I'm with her we're
1191were 100% but then a week goes by a
1192month goes by leave Trinidad and meet
1193another girl I try and just be social
1194you know and whatever and you know last
1195a couple months I remember when that
1196seal broke man I'd like man I went on
1197like a crazy tear of just having sex and
1198then like the guilt and not being able
1199to communicate and then communicating
1200and then being powerful enough to
1201convince her to have an open
1202relationship and then having all of that
1203be up and then dating more and
1204going with the line about it thing going
1205with the the learning how to talk about
1206it which ties into your post of like you
1207know she asked me this you know I
1208thought I thought you know two thousand
1209eight nine ten like you had to present
1210these things in a certain way that all
1211the the boat like the non zann's the non
1212hypnotic 'as the guys who didn't have
1213anything to say you know it's like will
1214be
1215powerful enough be strong enough like
1216she shouldn't you have to be alpha but
1217you know you you have to answer these
1218questions in a way and so but what I had
1219to realize is some of those come from an
1220insecurity where am I is a man filling
1221the gap that's causing the starvation
1222that makes that question be asked and so
1223on and it's it's just an interesting
1224learning experience and it was beautiful
1225and you know we probably stayed together
1226two years too long because when you're
1227in that much experience and that much
1228love you you it's hard to let go of and
1229that's another thing how do you break up
1230as a man how do you let go how do you
1231feel that pain cuz it's gonna kill you
1232man you let go of this woman who's
1233experienced she defines you and now
1234she's gone she's she's trash or
1235whatever you know what is it how do I
1236deal with this man and it's just that
1237that that's the beautiful thing of it
1238you know your pain is gonna teach you
1239something and it's even better when you
1240have other men or people around you can
1241help you guide that which is which is
1242why I like you man you know cuz it's
1243like you're really you're really doing
1244it you know what who are we if we speak
1245from the illusion that is created by our
1246fear you know this is such a terrible
1247thing people doing that you know I
1248before you like before we get to because
1249I'm I'm assuming but I know all the work
1250that you currently doing but before we
1251get to that and I just want to thank you
1252for sharing your story first of all is
1253that really I'm sitting here just just
1254baffled and you know all ears and them
1255it's very intense and it's beautiful and
1256there's an aliveness to it which you
1257know I I didn't want to interrupt
1258anything I'm happy because I never heard
1259your story or all right at this cope at
1260least you know so I resonate with so
1261much too much to tell right now but I
1262didn't want to I didn't want interrupt I
1263want to hear everything you know and
1264it's well next interview because the to
1265hear your story to share to to be around
1266a group of guys that you know talk about
1267this it's so cool
1268you know it's so cool you know I mean
1269like we we both know Knut great guy and
1270um he would do these things would be
1271like these dudes share their stories but
1272they didn't have as much pain I love
1273dude canoed is such an awesome guy but
1274it didn't have the fucked-up-ness
1275they're like God it's like that woman is
1276gonna like you like I'm gonna kill
1277myself for that one you know that sort
1278of thing it's there's got to be a little
1279bit more I hear an incredible intensity
1280I hear a incredible rawness also a very
1281good you've seen to find a way to
1282constantly express yourself you know and
1283accept yourself in a way and on it's
1284it's I think it's fantastic and what I
1285what I hear also is this it you seem
1286very hands-on you know very like dealing
1287with it
1288facing it you go into it is that
1289something that that comes natural with
1290kind of brassiness
1291or is it like is it something you have
1292to learn to take action you know and you
1293take the bull by the horn and and do
1294with it or is it natural do you have to
1295learn that well I had to learn it I mean
1296being brazen for me I mean like certain
1297people might be brazen and they they're
1298able to translate that into you know
1299being hands-on for me I mean I ran for I
1300I did a lot of things you probably see
1301us all time like AG I'll make money to
1302show that he's not up and certain
1303way area of his life so I was really
1304hands-on with like doing things and
1305being active and showing myself and
1306needing too much attention or whatever
1307but a lot of that was to cover up the
1308you know the things that I didn't feel
1309so good at but I just burn that way too
1310close to the end where it was like
1311here's the consequences whether it was
1312coming from the law or coming from just
1313whatever obvious pain or dysfunction you
1314know it's like kind of like what was
1315first but most of the that I just ran
1316out of so much gas so out of desperation
1317I had to learn to work on a couple
1318things
1319now I did have some
1320so when I did learn a way to work in
1321those things I might have been able to
1322step into it more but any personality
1323type
1324you know I I've seen guys that are much
1325more passive do it and those sorts of
1326things but man I really had whichever
1327category of my life it is that I was
1328hands-on with like I was a lot of it was
1329by force I ran out of gas desperation
1330you it's very interesting you say it
1331this way because the second theme of our
1332of the way you seduce of course is its
1333action taking action acting any way to
1334get in the habit of happen but the first
1335thing is about presence and really
1336checking in to you with yourself like
1337feeling yourself because there's so much
1338there you know when you start feeling
1339into it and and I really liked what you
1340said that if we're not doing it right
1341action could be like running away from
1342that first part which is sure checking
1343in with but action is always good I mean
1344action as opposed to inaction is is yeah
1345I mean God in you take pain and you give
1346it in action what do you get you take
1347action and you give it pay or you take
1348pain and give it action it's gonna run
1349into something right it's gonna you know
1350it's gonna find its truth or whatever it
1351is very quickly that's why I always say
1352that it's like to the guys through
1353there's no greater stage than
1354introduction and and you encounter with
1355a beautiful women to to discover but and
1356also to create your own personality
1357masculinity you know discover about
1358yourself and and mold yourself some some
1359sometimes guys think they can do it or
1360they have to do with independent of
1361women independent action and it kind of
1362like a bubble and action will like
1363amplify everything you know may I see it
1364also grow faster and so I really like
1365that you know action is always better
1366than in action it's yeah I stand for
1367very much most definitely and then
1368presence it's like
1369presence brings the to the service
1370cuz like if if I if my expression is
1371flawed and so I have a lot of experience
1372with my expression being flawed but my
1373expression had to keep going but if I
1374have to stop expressing what comes up
1375manicotti I got it to the manor they got
1376to do something I got to check this I
1377got you know like stuffs stuff comes up
1378right stuff immediately rises to the
1379surface so let that come up sit through
1380it what comes up after that you know and
1381it's so interesting to be able to be
1382present in the moment meaning being you
1383could say I mean it's so tough because
1384in nature like I use terms like balance
1385or I don't know some other but they
1386don't exist in nature like balance and
1387equality doesn't exist in nature I don't
1388mean that in a political way and
1389anything but because man-made rules are
1390different than natural rules but the
1391there aren't rules in nature you know
1392they it exists and so when we think
1393about these things like rising to the
1394surface when we think about being in the
1395in the present moment
1396that's in the existence with the world
1397around you letting it affect you and you
1398affect it but within that we're not
1399equals you know the world affects me
1400much more than I affected I am a part of
1401it you know I don't define life I'm
1402defined by life and so in all of that I
1403need to be able to sit with that and
1404when I sit with that all the stuff that
1405are the man-made or the Steve made rules
1406so that's coming to the service and
1407that's where a lot of the flaws are but
1408a lot of the good things that's where my
1409true expression is to but I got any time
1410to sit with that and not always need to
1411be like the bitch of it you know the the
1412bitch of my own record the the guy who's
1413always hearing you know whatever I'm
1414spinning or creating creating with the
1415life around me because that's part of a
1416distraction from me to hear the truth of
1417life much like the truth of seduction or
1418humanity or whatever so it's you know
1419I'm by force
1420I had to be present
1421but it wasn't something there's
1422something I wanted to do you'd watch
1423like you know some kung fu movie you'd
1424be like I'm gonna be that but I wasn't
1425capable of it but I added I had to learn
1426it by force and yeah I don't have it
1427it's struggle every day but it's a great
1428thing to like I I'm writing the book the
1429crime Yogesh is in in your aspiration
1430you know don't don't play small and name
1431of modesty I hope your day shoes and
1432your aspirations then and only then life
1433will do the humbling for you
1434you know I think it's real job to like
1435go this this with their own with their
1436all floss constantly their flaws but to
1437put it out there and then life will
1438teach with us what we need to know you
1439know for everybody listening obviously
1440you love Hans but one of the things
1441that's interesting about you is there's
1442people who speak to a broken man and
1443preach one philosophy and those are all
1444the marketers and whatever and there's a
1445lot of them I mean that's that that is
1446the industry right but then there's
1447people that speak from their experience
1448that have found the truth or kind of
1449that like the way or the their nature or
1450something but they're coming from their
1451experience and then there's what truly
1452is and so for you to be to for you to
1453find ambition you don't have to do
1454anything you could be of your nature but
1455if you're a man that comes from your
1456area of experience and these things live
1457it live it because it will
1458teach you and that's your way of
1459learning but then there's the
1460guys who speak to the broken man and
1461only want to sell to the broken man and
1462ambition then is a quality of life or
1463you know something that you're a
1464deficit of it speaks too much to your
1465pain but but this guy like one of the
1466biggest things for me was at that whole
1467time
1468when I was getting loaded I would read
1469Henry Miller and I wish more seduction
1470people read Henry Miller because I would
1471read it and get so manic I'd get so
1472crazy and it spoke to me and it was you
1473know I'm American and it in it and I
1474didn't get the difference then but then
1475you know as I traveled and stuff it was
1476like he was such an American dude and it
1477was this guy who had that experience
1478that found the truth
1479but I always say this because there's
1480guys who who live differently you know
1481that that aren't going all crazy like me
1482and if you're just that simple dude you
1483just kind of like oh man that's you know
1484let me talk to and have a good
1485conversation whatever it is find the
1486beauty in that or you have one sexual
1487partner and but that's what you need you
1488can find the truth in that you know you
1489can find that but anything that will
1490allow you to live life but you have to
1491live life on life's terms well well show
1492you the truth will show you what you
1493need so many other people are living
1494that life over here that's the the
1495broken guy you know the guy that's hurt
1496and just doesn't want to hurt I know but
1497knows that he has a sex drive or some
1498masculine thing it's just interesting
1499because I you're you're speaking you
1500know truth is another thing there's no
1501truth there's a nature doesn't care
1502about truth but in my in my man
1503interpretation you're speaking the truth
1504but so many of these get
1505confused by that you know it's like yeah
1506take the bull by the horns you're you're
1507gonna do it and then you know you get
1508done with that speech and you kind of
1509get a few successes and you're like okay
1510what next I see a fear-based versus a
1511very love based intention you know yeah
1512stepping into it yeah yeah yeah it's
1513good now what next baby what's next it's
1514fantastic really I said it already Steve
1515but I'm very happy to hear that
1516yeah and I love sitting in this space
1517it's funny cuz all the guys in my group
1518they're like man we've heard this story
1519like a hundred times just show the okay
1520you go to Trinidad you grab her boobs
1521you know that's hard took a and
1522passed out and you left out a story
1523maybe should include that well we know
1524this like how did all this up until now
1525and form the work that you're doing
1526right now and maybe you could say a
1527little bit about the landmarks or the
1528pillars of your work right now dude I'm
1529gonna
1530as a true PUA I'm gonna dlv myself
1531that's a demonstration of lower value
1532I am the laziest most whatever coach I
1533don't know how I've had the success I
1534have my community's kick-ass like
1535we were we did this workshop and there's
1536some crossover guys that we have that
1537are just like brilliant brilliant
1538dudes man and let me just tell you
1539that's out like I don't know Hans I've
1540met Hans and we've hung out and stuff
1541but I know guys I know guys that are in
1542my groups that have been changed by his
1543groups and that's how I know he's good
1544and then dude there's like there's not
1545many people that have that so that's
1546like the real test of caliber for me but
1547um you know we're sitting there and I
1548have different tiers to my groups you
1549know one's called TSL mine that's kind
1550of like the big course where we dive
1551into it and then there's something
1552called MDA excellence men's development
1553excellence what a great title well
1554that's the lower tier course and you
1555know super high value and there were
1556some MDX guys there and the TSL dudes
1557are like man you do TSL and other guys
1558are like no no I mean I don't know the
1559difference whatever and like Steve
1560what's difference I'm like well there's
1561these many more calls a week you get
1562this content material and these results
1563but the dudes were just like dude just
1564do it dude - look you're / - do
1565it another guy comes along this is TS
1566like oh man you're like what are you
1567doing you're perfect like just do it it
1568was just so funny to hear these guys
1569that the the max of what they were
1570saying to the other dude was just do it
1571it'll be the thing and I'm just sitting
1572there going like man I don't I don't do
1573anymore I'd like you guys approach
1574some people I give you some advice we do
1575a circle we hot seat you you know we do
1576all this stuff we have these calls that
1577go 20 hours sometimes I'm not on for all
1578of it the community just lives and
1579exists and it's like all these other
1580guys are doing making this happen I
1581guess I'm a Centerpoint you know we were
1582talking about on the call last night
1583that was like I don't know like six or
1584seven hours or some hot or whatever but
1585these guys were on it for a long time
1586they're like Steve you're not lazy see
1587my wife always calls me lazy that's what
1588happens guys it's what
1589I believed I know and I and I am man I
1590mean like I set up great groups of guys
1591you know I write the material for the
1592courses we go through it it is generally
1593you know my philosophy but that's been
1594changed you know that's been changed by
1595different guys in the group pretty much
1596but um you know we it it gets shaped as
1597it goes and it's it's a great system I
1598mean I have a I would say I have a
1599tremendous talent you know and some of
1600these things might be natural you know
1601it was like I walked into that one guy
1602that offered me $8,000 who said I was
1603different you know but or through life
1604experience so I'm very good at reading
1605people and finding out where their pain
1606points are I'm very good at seeing where
1607their pain is you know I mean like you
1608know like so for instance I have this
1609client you know I talk about him all
1610time and he talks about this on
1611video but that was homeless a year ago
1612this doesn't happen to everybody
1613hardcore heroin addict got hired by his
1614family his family spent millions of
1615dollars twelve rehabs on him and I tell
1616them I tell the family I'm like I came
1617in at the perfect time he was ready to
1618change he was in enough pain and these
1619types of things and and you know I
1620walked into a good situation and in
1621which I still believe is true but the
1622fact of the matter is is this guy's
1623never had a job this guy's never had its
1624own place to live he's never had male
1625friends he's had relationships he knows
1626that I have sex I'm all that sort of
1627stuff but now he lives in one of the
1628best parts of Dallas he makes more money
1629than me what a dick
1630is it also is he has a tremendous
1631learning disabilities tremendous to the
1632point where he's unteachable in school
1633he's been clean for you know X amount of
1634time but it's not about this and the
1635whole cleaning thing it's not about the
1636time but you know he's functioning he's
1637able to have relationships with men and
1638talk and there's still a ton of
1639work to do but nobody else got nobody
1640else got that with him and so it's like
1641why what you know what's the unique
1642thing about me I'm willing to put in the
1643time I understand
1644but dude all these other rehab guys they
1645understand but the the differences that
1646I would get is that I'm
1647hard about some things you can't break
1648certain rules with me but if you learn
1649in a different way I want you to learn
1650in the way you can learn and I'll just
1651be straight up with this dude there's a
1652lot that's motivated by the street
1653there's a lot that's motivated by really
1654up things that everybody who's
1655listening to this would tremendously
1656judge and I have to go hey that's okay
1657like let's do it let's find out the best
1658way to do that because if I didn't get
1659you functional in that see this is all
1660about being functional remember was like
1661you know to make enough money given
1662enough successes so that you can learn
1663business get enough experience with
1664women so that you could know women too
1665to not have it be like a fantasy how can
1666I get this guy to function in life and
1667feel motivation and you know it's
1668different if and I'm not a psychologist
1669but let's say if he was a true
1670psychopath
1671that means he's born that way so that
1672that leads a different thing you know
1673he'd go in that direction
1674if he's a sociopath that means he
1675learned it but there are understandings
1676of different ways to live so it's like
1677how can I motivate you in the ways that
1678you know society would say aren't so
1679good might cause some damage but it's
1680better than being homeless and robbing
1681people so how can we learn to do that so
1682that we can learn a form of empathy in
1683connection that baby steps its way up
1684and I just I don't see a lot of people
1685doing that and the other thing too is so
1686I'm a coach I'm a friend I can say that
1687if you tell me some of you legal if
1688you tell me you did something that was
1689bad I don't have to report it if I was a
1690therapist or a psychologist that might
1691that might be in the mix but my job I
1692mean I don't encourage people to to you
1693know do something which is violent or
1694illegal or whatever but if they tell me
1695that my job is to help them process that
1696pain or the confusion or the
1697understanding of what's right and wrong
1698about that and so I'll work with people
1699I'm just very adaptable and then other
1700people I work with them and you know we
1701worked with a guy he came in on our
1702workshop for a little hint of it and he
1703just I mean of course I have a different
1704opinion about this but he was like man
1705these guys are all screwed up I'm not
1706screwed up I just want
1707advice so that's not the guy for us you
1708know that's the guy that goes somewhere
1709else so you know I work adversely with
1710people in the way that I work but I'm
1711very passive I'm very mellow like I said
1712there's some rules you don't break but
1713in that somehow it's to it like my
1714experience of you and now also in the
1715way you talk about is that you're very
1716well first of all you're very caring
1717it's great no it's my experience I might
1718be wrong then and he has again I see
1719this this hands-on approach you know you
1720care enough you've been there as well
1721you want a guy to transform you know I'm
1722making functional that's that's exactly
1723how I how I like perceived you before
1724too you know I think it's not that is
1725great I was also very interested in that
1726community part it seems like you've been
1727if you find your leadership role and and
1728it's just a role of a leader and you you
1729play it well enough that you you may
1730have you may be tapping really into the
1731like the transformative and healing
1732power of community yeah a group of
1733people coming together and really like
1734be real with each other you know be
1735there to rejoice and mourn together
1736that's the impression I get you know and
1737I think that that's maybe the most
1738valuable thing to offer I see it for me
1739too you know there are my teachings and
1740erm I believe my experience my coaching
1741whatever but they pale or compared to
1742the transformative and healing power of
1743community and I'm learning this more and
1744more that my story is just one of them
1745my advice is just one of them and most
1746guys learn a lot more from in community
1747in their with other guys you know who
1748have their own stories and have the
1749space to to share their story you know
1750and and and guys crave it so much I
1751realized this now more and more and more
1752as I my community grows yeah you know
1753it's like nobody wants to hear this like
1754perhaps guys who are like looking to
1755hire you or somewhat or whatever it is
1756like they're like like man but I want to
1757I want to get rid of this pain or I want
1758to solve this problem it's like man just
1759sit around a group
1760guys and talk about it in and then the
1761problem starts to lessen and then you
1762realize the real solution nobody wants
1763to hear that but that's very effective
1764and even if it is the exact solution to
1765the problem that they have the it's so
1766much better when you gain perspective
1767from people and it's interesting because
1768so when it comes to leadership I don't
1769man jeez Adam really what do i do
1770man I set up a website or a forum like I
1771like i i i don't do you'd ask jim jim
1772simmons about what I do for leadership I
1773don't know he's more of a leader
1774than me but I like I don't I don't do
1775anything but in that I've built a pretty
1776big following but what's interesting is
1777that so you can do like I've seen
1778successful groups like this but I I
1779haven't seen him for a long time and
1780there's like a lot of them they're
1781but I haven't seen groups and
1782men's development be that successful
1783that do do the Alpha thing you know
1784where it's like you look at me is
1785different or with me I do it to a fault
1786but I I don't separate myself from the
1787group at all you know like we're all
1788equals now if I do
1789if so here's the rules if you start
1790attacking somebody like to the point
1791where it's you know not to help them and
1792their best interest
1793you'll get talked to right and you'll
1794you will try and figure it out we don't
1795want to kick anybody out there's only
1796been in since 2009 in my online groups
1797which there's still people from that
1798original 2009 course involved in my
1799groups if you like basically breach our
1800privacy maliciously or you threaten
1801somebody and man it's gotta be it's
1802gotta be deep like you can't just be
1803like you you know I'll kick your
1804ass or I'll kill you just in the heat of
1805the moment it's like it's got
1806to be real those the only ways we'll get
1807kicked out to people have been kicked
1808out there's people that have left but to
1809people where I'm like nope and those
1810were both like privacy and safety issues
1811now privacy online is cray
1812now you know I used to not think it was
1813such a big deal but now it's just nuts
1814sometimes can slip out you know
1815people make a mistake or whatever but if
1816it's malicious like if it's like no man
1817you shared this in a group and I'm gonna
1818tell people you're out you're out for
1819good you're banned for life and anything
1820that I do so it's a real hard line but
1821up and tell then it's like okay now
1822let's say you're mad at this person like
1823you want to kill him you want to beat
1824their ass or whatever it is like yeah
1825why I mean I just try and understand
1826hell you could be right you know maybe
1827not interact with them so much like
1828there's a very lenient way of dealing
1829with it this always gets brought up on
1830my calls too because we encourage people
1831to share about anything
1832cuz I'm like sure about anything just we
1833can't encourage you to do anything
1834illegal but like if you I mean like did
1835something up so then you get a
1836guy who comes on the call what if they
1837talk about rape or they talk about
1838pedophilia or you know some something
1839like that it's always like the sexual
1840extreme which does not really happen
1841much but are we say I'm like man if
1842somebody wants to talk to me about that
1843okay I mean there's a difference between
1844talking about it and wanting to do it
1845yeah but the difference between also
1846having done it and wanted to get it off
1847your chest and then plotting to do it
1848right it's known encouraged the plotting
1849to do a right part my experience with
1850that it's very self regulatory and I
1851really like it here too your your the
1852burden of proof is always with
1853exclusivity you know you try to include
1854as many people as possible for as long
1855as possible until you can no longer know
1856yeah that's a real good sign of true
1857community you know that you really work
1858on that I'm like it's like with love you
1859try to be as inclusive as you possibly
1860can until yeah until you can no longer
1861man just but as you know is it like
1862you're describing if you have a group or
1863guys can say anything and look man if we
1864say like hey some I'm not trying to
1865put a rule on you but I'm saying the
1866group isn't ready to hear you're like
1867sexual rage or whatever stuff that might
1868be raised so let's look at that
1869the people that you can trust and talk
1870to them like but then I'm not trying to
1871divide the group in that I'm just saying
1872like look there's a lot of people here
1873and they don't understand where you're
1874coming from I may not understand where
1875you're coming from but I just most
1876likely I'm not gonna judge it too much
1877so but think of if you give guys an
1878opportunity for that man that's cool in
1879that's why it's like there's guys going
1880like TSL and MDX do it oh man I can't
1881what if I you know in those dudes like
1882one might be a cop one might be a
1883millionaire one might believe you know
1884there's all sorts of different things
1885society should not define our success
1886our feeling of who we are and what we
1887bring to the world in front of us should
1888define what we call success you know
1889that's really the thing the benefit that
1890I'm trying to create with the different
1891groups that I have III see in the
1892community you're creating the greatest
1893gift man I really think so and yeah III
1894community has been my main focus in the
1895past years and I do it in the background
1896okay when you when you when you when you
1897put it on the table for guys you know
1898the importance of community and until
1899they really experience it they people
1900don't really understand it
1901transformative and healing power of
1902community so it's always in the back of
1903my mind and it's my directive for so I'm
1904very interested fascinated of how how
1905that's being co-created here with you we
1906talked with you want to say something
1907more well I just want to say with me one
1908of the things with me is I'm weird you
1909know like I like I I do like it
1910you know I've I have friends that live
1911in Austin and have always lived in areas
1912that I've always had friends like that
1913but amongst my friends we always sit
1914around and talk so I was used to that so
1915when I made friends with people online
1916like if I were telling people if you
1917want to start a men's group do it face
1918to face
1919but the reason why we're successful in
1920ours as we got a lot of guys who were
1921willing to do that online which not
1922everybody is not everybody has the time
1923to do but I liked that and so I liked it
1924so I was willing to dedicate you know
1925five hours a week of just talking
1926with some dudes on
1927you know via via it's powerful man
1928without you it's very powerful like I'm
1929surprised by the power of connection
1930virtually online you know you can it was
1931really deep I mean yes life is
1932incredible in it and it's been probably
1933the most powerful but I'm genuinely
1934surprised by the power of a community
1935online also a great opportunity that we
1936have and let me let me I want to ask you
1937about one team so we talked about we
1938thought about your story past present
1939also talked about your work a couple of
1940teams came up which is the action taken
1941which I very interested in you talked a
1942lot about sex we talked and I didn't
1943plan for it but we talked about
1944community which is very close to my
1945heart I would like to talk a little bit
1946about this I would like to ask you I
1947would like to ask you the role of anger
1948the role that anger has played or is
1949playing in your life also in your work
1950is it an important force to you how do
1951you deal with it because it's one of the
1952themes in my course and and you always
1953struck me as a guy who has a lot of
1954anger and and found at some at some
1955point constructive ways to do with it
1956that's funny cuz one of the things Knut
1957told me way back when is he's like you
1958know the guys in the honza's group or in
1959the AH Marathi group or whatever they
1960like your stuff but you're too angry and
1961which I don't understand and I'm like
1962what do you mean you don't understand
1963[Music]
1964like I get what he's saying but he's so
1965angry you know I've you know like
1966whether I want it or not it's there and
1967um and a lot of it's been pulling back
1968so to see them to see anger is a benefit
1969it's more elusive to me but like I
1970definitely do see it because it's shaped
1971good parts of me but most of my life it
1972was like pulling that back because it
1973was a bad thing but this is the thing
1974with like all of your demons they're not
1975demons they're demons because because
1976they're you you made them a demon
1977they're not demons because like if you
1978listen other people aren't gonna be
1979involved in your life you know me and
1980Hans we might be influential in your
1981life but it's your life and at some
1982point it's gonna be your own and you
1983need to make your own rules and so the
1984demon that society says is bad like oh
1985if you're too greedy or too angry or too
1986whatever man no but you do need to you
1987do need to be shaped by the world so
1988it's just weird balance like you need to
1989get that feedback but at some point you
1990need to get enough information
1991experience feeling consequences you know
1992good results bad results to make your
1993own determination of what is this thing
1994what is this thing what is this anger
1995and man I I you know I did this workshop
1996this last weekend it was a five day or
1997and you know it was just like those
1998things they take it out of you and I'm
1999old now and I told the guys I'm
2000like man whatever they're all happy and
2001I'm like you should have just come
2002in 2007 when I had energy like you guys
2003like come on man
2004like I had a pop like four viagra just
2005to get out of bed you know it's a
2006make something happen here but
2007anyway so I I got pissed off I got
2008pissed off twice on this workshop twice
2009and I think I kept it from the guys
2010which normally this is the place where
2011we talk about this but it wasn't my I
2012was angry about something outside of the
2013workshop so pissed and then I started
2014thinking about everybody and I was
2015pissed that I'm like man this guy
2016and this guy and probably some of
2017that came out but what I got to realize
2018is that like for me if I only react upon
2019the source so I believe angers a source
2020man it's it's a big thing it's a big
2021thing in you right it's a part of you
2022maybe it is a reaction but all of my
2023micro reactions if I start reacting on
2024that it's not so good that's where my
2025bad decisions come from and this is
2026where I'm a slave to these sides of
2027myself and what I mean by slave is I'm
2028not working my core values that's
2029another funny thing we get into core
2030values and purpose everybody has this
2031like checklist of their I'm like
2032okay so when do you do that daily in
2033your life and then they never do but the
2034things that I daily do in my life that I
2035really do appreciate why I'm there why
2036I'm involved in
2037this thing what I do like about it what
2038I do like about it even when I'm mad I
2039need to get in touch with that
2040and I need to go like hey I'm reacting I
2041need to cut this out how do I do
2042the next best thing how do I do what I'm
2043supposed to do and so there you have to
2044kinda have like a little code to follow
2045like how do I be social you know how do
2046i how do i be of service
2047how do i how do i stop and just listen
2048to somebody how do I answer exactly what
2049they're saying or how do i express back
2050exactly what they're saying now in life
2051you know we're reacting all the time so
2052it's it's such a very tough thing
2053there's so much gray area in that but my
2054anger wants me to live in black and
2055white my anger
2056always wants me to be right my anger
2057wants me to fight it makes me never want
2058to be wrong my anger tells me things
2059which oftentimes aren't those core
2060things that I want to live by but I have
2061lived by that in life experience if I
2062have a good group of people around me
2063and I've tested myself that my anger
2064then shows me or my true self has shown
2065me that I can be angry and live my true
2066self with that but my anger always tells
2067me you can't depend on me but I don't
2068see it yo so I don't see that so when I
2069start to notice I'm like getting mad
2070about small things like you know
2071somebody text me like this it'll be so
2072stupid they'll like text me I'm like
2073don't you know I'm in a workshop and my
2074wife calls me up and I'll be like like
2075something about what she says pisses me
2076off like I start thinking in those ways
2077but it takes like three or four and a
2078short amount of time for me to go like
2079oh wait I am more pissed off about this
2080situation
2081you know I am more pissed yeah you know
2082right you text me in the middle of
2083worship you can tell I just got off a
2084workshop or or like yeah I'm on a bike
2085race right now you idiot you know or
2086like I'll be doing something like I'll
2087do some like jiu-jitsu tournament and I
2088may be what the you do why you what
2089a dick you know like I start thinking
2090those things right being unaware of
2091people but I but I only catch it after 3
2092or 4
2093like it's been an hour three or four
2094popped up then I'm like okay wait a
2095minute I got a stop so for me to deal
2096with that anger because I'll take it too
2097far I I stopped myself but also here's
2098the best part and this is kind of maybe
2099where you're getting at is anger is such
2100a valuable thing if I start to go that's
2101bad like remember when we were talking
2102about sex I go like man and like
2103prostitutes and like you know
2104getting cheap sex from people or like
2105just a chick in a club that this
2106is like bad behavior you hear all sorts
2107of people who have drug problems say
2108that because you think those kind of
2109hand in hand you're like you know doin
2110dope you're gonna go suck some dude's
2111dick and get the beat out of you
2112you know it's just it's kind it's like
2113man that's what you do man just stick a
2114needle in your arms gotta get good with
2115that too but um maybe not everybody so
2116if you haven't done that and you're
2117sticking needles in your arm just don't
2118stick a needle in your arm you get it
2119but anyway this the thing is is like you
2120think like god the sex is bad like like
2121oh my girlfriend got raped and and they
2122beat her and now I'm liking to do harm
2123to women while I'm having sex on this
2124terrible person I I didn't get I didn't
2125get to realize that but then what I
2126realized was later on everybody thinks
2127that they go like oh my god I like to
2128abuse women because I watch porn like
2129that or whatever but but they don't get
2130the fat anger has a place in you it's
2131there you know whether I was born with
2132it in my brain or whatever but it's
2133something which is telling you something
2134I'm just too stupid
2135I'm so stupid that I think that it has
2136to be translated into act now get mad at
2137people always be right but that anger
2138might come from like wait a minute if I
2139take a step back two days later why did
2140that piss me off you know why did the
2141person texting me in the middle of the
2142workshop when I was busy make me angry
2143you know why I made me angry if I really
2144look at it and I can only see so much
2145like I probably am gonna get 90% of this
2146wrong but the 10% that I think I have a
2147grip on is like I didn't think I had it
2148under control I didn't think I could do
2149it or I felt off in that moment and
2150because I felt off in that moment that
2151curveball of the text to the curveball
2152of the person doing that you know and I
2153can only change the things about me
2154maybe a person is an asshole
2155but like there was a dude Yi man I
2156wanted to punch it I wanted to this
2157guy up and it's like so you come to
2158Steve with stuff and he wants to get
2159violent with you but I mean I didn't and
2160who knows if I could probably could have
2161probably good but um but you know it's
2162another thing I get from martial arts
2163man I know how fragile the body is man
2164I've been concussed I've broken my hand
2165multiple times you know if my hand
2166shatters and I punch you I'm out of the
2167fight and then I lose no matter how good
2168I am if I hit my head on something I
2169know how easy it is to get knocked that
2170you know like it's just whatever I may
2171be a fan of fighting and into it might
2172be good at certain things it's pretty
2173easy to lose you know so when it comes
2174down to this thing this guy he goes he
2175said he came spent hours with us I had
2176him talk to all the guys he was like
2177looking to hire a seduction coach said
2178man the seduction industry's up
2179stop losing to me stop listening to
2180these other coaches here's like there's
2181like 10 dudes here right it's like
2182$250,000 of money that's been spent on
2183and they've probably talked to
2184a lot of the other coaches you're
2185talking to just talk to them and have
2186him get a feel for you give you advice
2187on you know what would be good for you
2188and he did all that he came back and
2189he's like these guys are all messed up
2190like I don't have problems I don't
2191problems and I'm like man if that's all
2192you got that's all you got from them we
2193were at a different Meetup
2194I don't understand what you're saying
2195he's like I'm coming off wrong and I'm
2196like dude you are so what I asked you to
2197do was specifically ask them how they've
2198had their journey and what can help you
2199and what to look out for and you're
2200looking at multiple coaches who I don't
2201even want to know about but you should
2202bring that up because they've probably
2203hired him and it's been off and he's
2204like okay okay and he goes and talks to
2205him and I asked the dudes what he said
2206they're like man he said the same thing
2207to you that he doesn't have problems and
2208whatever and I'm just like you know
2209that this made me angry but
2210if I step back why is it really making
2211me angry you know why do impulsively
2212like I look at that guy I want to
2213like smash him and I don't smash
2214people but I have the feeling that I
2215want to like
2216smash the right the reason
2217why is cuz like he insulted my group not
2218because it's my group of whatever but he
2219insulted guys that I've I've bled in my
2220heart too
2221and they've healed me you know I issue
2222with my relationship and me and my wife
2223split up here happens you know to
2224everybody and I was hurt dude I know I
2225don't cuz I'm so stupid but do
2226you not I know how to win a fight with a
2227woman I know how to I know how to break
2228a woman down I know how to get all that
2229you know I get that I don't want to do
2230that to my wife right this is a totally
2231different thing and I'm I don't want to
2232make it about power I don't want her to
2233cave it's funny this dude from this
2234convention that I used to work at he met
2235me after I didn't bring up that I had
2236issues with my wife he met me afterwards
2237and this dude he laughs and I just this
2238is what makes me think how up the
2239world is he laughs and he goes oh man
2240you shouldn't you should have
2241tied her up you should have brought a
2242bunch of women over you should have
2243raped her and then the other
2244women in front of her and that's like
2245that's what women want like they have it
2246on the red pill they have it on the red
2247pill for women that's what the guys do
2248to women and I'm like hey man I'm good
2249issues resolved I was telling you what
2250happened he's like no you need to do it
2251he's like laughing and I'm like I'm so
2252glad I don't work with your
2253convention anymore but that to me is
2254like the pot that's like the men
2255speaking to broken men of what it sounds
2256like to be a strong man dude I have I
2257want to always want it to tell him I'm
2258like and whatever that these things are
2259like I'm more of what you just described
2260then you'll ever be like I've had women
2261that did all sorts of crazy stuff for me
2262or whatever like I've played the power
2263game I mean I never raped a woman and
2264then forced her to make me watch other
2265people have but I mean like I get the
2266type of pseudo power dynamic he's going
2267for and I've lived those things and they
2268can be good again just like the anger
2269there can be good in that but you have
2270to be a man you know like if you might
2271have multiple women in your life you
2272have to be a man to have that it doesn't
2273make you a man because you a
2274bunch of chicks and they listen to you
2275because you lied to him or whatever you
2276have a bunch of women in your life you
2277to be strong as in a certain way
2278but that doesn't mean then you're good
2279in business so good in these other ways
2280anyway back to this anger thing is like
2281I gotta keep that in check because my
2282anger is telling me something and it's
2283coming from a deep part of me a deep
2284part of me that deep part of me that
2285comes out when my dick gets hard and a
2286woman grabs my balls cuz I think
2287differently then I'm in a different
2288mindset my anger comes to me it pops up
2289somebody cuts me off on the highway and
2290people get into this crazy thing that
2291they don't know how to handle that
2292comes up somebody punches me in the face
2293and and I walk away from it and I go man
2294I'm a I'm a no no no I've
2295been there I've been there where I've
2296acted on that and it wasn't good like
2297you'd like like you wanna and it hurts
2298every time if I walk away from a fight
2299actually it's funny I never get in
2300fights but this dude his dealer at this
2301restaurant he's like you looking at me
2302I'm like dude I wasn't
2303looking at you it's like that's right
2304bitch Bubba and I'm just like hey man
2305it's cool and my buddy's like dude you
2306want to that guy
2307and I'm like no the dude's drunk man but
2308it hurt to walk away from that and he
2309kept challenging me and eventually he
2310like he was so drunk he apologized he's
2311like we're friends and and the whole
2312time then he got close to me and I'll
2313get him out like PTSD fight mode cuz he
2314got close and he's like oh man we're
2315buddies we're buddies and I'm just like
2316man like don't get that close
2317like it kind of trip
2318something to me of like what it like
2319anyway I walked out of there and I'm
2320like man you your head runs and go
2321man geez like I should have done
2322something let me tell you something you
2323do something there's all the social
2324you get arrested or whatever but
2325like you hurt somebody on that level
2326like in if you get in a fight you have
2327to hurt somebody till they stop so if I
2328do some jujitsu and he's like stop
2329stop stop you're gonna let go get some
2330like armbar or something gonna let go
2331and he's gonna come right back and fight
2332you again and you have to stop him
2333so you have to knock him out you have to
2334hurt him to the point where something
2335breaks and he can't function or you have
2336to choke him out and even then they come
2337back they come back to life you know two
2338seconds later three seconds later why
2339would you want that why would you want
2340to do that to somebody now in the cases
2341where that's happened you do feel good
2342like you do feel good like you with
2343somebody in you like there's something
2344to it like if you punch somebody and you
2345feel bones break or your bones break or
2346whatever you like you do something you
2347and blood comes out like there will be
2348times all that's happened and I smile I
2349remember like like joy this joy came out
2350it's this weird primal thing so it's
2351this gift that your body and mind and
2352whatever is giving you but that doesn't
2353define it so then I come back to the
2354real world I'm like oh I smiled I like
2355that that's what the kid says who hasn't
2356fought enough you keep fighting you get
2357hurt you know like man my teeth have
2358been cracked like man I broke my teeth
2359and this is the worst pain I've ever had
2360and then it had like that tooth had to
2361come out talk about running to a wall
2362knocking yourself out that was like the
2363goal but like why would you want to do
2364that to somebody
2365and why would you want to hurt them to
2366that degree and when I was a kid and I
2367and so I I'm thankful I lose all the
2368time now man like but when I was a kid
2369and I would fight people and I haven't
2370fought in a street fight in a long time
2371and street fights that's a whole nother
2372can of worms like people have weapons
2373like you don't want that but I
2374would fight people and I would humiliate
2375him man I would make them feel all this
2376pain and I just wouldn't stop and then
2377you know people would be afraid of me
2378and it made me feel good or whatever but
2379then you lose and now here's I'm 41 I
2380can't tell you like man
2381I think the last jujitsu competition I
2382won the guys still beat me three other
2383times you knows my buddy David good guy
2384we fought he's my arch-nemesis in
2385jujitsu
2386we always fight right he's real good and
2387yeah I'm just whatever I'm not as good
2388as straight up I'm not as good you get
2389older that should have whatever he's
2390better and you can't say he's
2391better in the time when and the coolest
2392thing about it I'll tell you about even
2393fighting him
2394both of us fight each other and it's
2395like oh man I was cool that was awesome
2396I guarantee he feels good after every
2397time he may beat me but he doesn't feel
2398great like he gets it and the one time I
2399beat him I heard him I don't want to I
2400felt bad immediately you know it was
2401just like yeah you don't want to
2402do that to somebody and so when you
2403feel that sort of thing and my buddy
2404Matt who I trained with all the time he
2405dislocated my ankle about this time last
2406year you ripped acum that's awesome you
2407don't have it on video so beautiful how
2408he does it and you can't hear it
2409breaking because I'm screaming but it's
2410so awesome how he did is so great I
2411appreciate him and taught me so much
2412about how to do it told and um and I
2413love the move and um but in that you
2414know we're trying to each other up
2415to test how we can get to know different
2416body types and so on but if we took
2417anger in that it would it up but
2418the anger does come out there's a part
2419and I know Matt too great guy
2420that he'll be LAT he'll
2421get on top of me we'll do some
2422catch wrestling stuff with neck crank me
2423a pop i jot a place and he's laughing
2424until I'm hurt like it feels good to me
2425a very smart guy very good guy he's not
2426a up human being but there's this
2427animal part where it's like yeah yeah I
2428feel like a it like it Jesus
2429Christ this is what it's like and
2430there's a time in real life where you're
2431challenged and somebody does cut you off
2432and they step on your toes and you want
2433to drive your face into there
2434you know just into the ground a man not
2435taking steering wheel and hit on the
2436corner of a bar you want to do
2437those things you want to feel that
2438that's good that's good you don't need
2439to act on it and maybe you do need to
2440act on it maybe not that much but you do
2441need to you do need to see where that
2442idea of smashing it then you take that
2443action and you throw a punch and it
2444doesn't do nearly the same thing but you
2445take it and in you you might lose that's
2446the other thing about fighting you might
2447lose but all that sure that's
2448great
2449I I'm I'm sitting you're mesmerized
2450listening to your relationship with with
2451anger you know I and you obviously like
2452dealing with it and it's like I you like
2453apart from from what it teaches you
2454anger about you or the possibility of
2455learning about yourself in that what I
2456really liked was the in the beginning
2457you said it's from the same source it's
2458from a source and that's what what I try
2459to present to guys is that anger is
2460maybe a bigger taboo than sex nowadays
2461because of all the negative consequences
2462and anger in terms of like aggression
2463but what we're trying to do is for guys
2464to really become aware of the feeling
2465let's say if anger is a feeling or an
2466emotion you just become aware of it and
2467to really see that it isn't an energy
2468you know an emotion something you can
2469use four-bath say aggression or
2470something good say assertiveness but
2471it's it's we're very quick to judge it
2472as something bad whereas just is it's
2473from a source and it's not so much
2474different as as any other emotion where
2475it comes from you your sadness or your
2476joy and and then the anger and in that
2477sense it's not good or bad it's
2478something you can use for good and I
2479think it's it's essential for a man you
2480know to really get in touch with its
2481anger what are the things that like get
2482angry about you know where are your
2483borders whatever things that that that
2484anger you and to really get in touch
2485with it instead of running away from it
2486because when you do run away from it
2487that's when they're going to come out in
2488in aggression you know so yeah they're
2489coming from the same kind of source I
2490relate to very
2491strong as as its joy or sadness you know
2492this isn't interesting because anger so
2493sex in rough sex and violent sex is one
2494thing but violence is another you know
2495so true story it's awesome man Christmas
2496Eve I'm like I'll do is great meet this
2497waitress were hanging out and go back to
2498her friend's place it's Christmas Eve so
2499we're like we're kind of losers right
2500and I I'm man I think I'm like maybe I'm
2501a I forget what year it is
2502ah so I had to have been maybe I'm a
2503year clean or some of those newly newly
2504clean and sober or whatever and she
2505bites my lip a lot of girls bite your
2506lip right happens
2507she starts biting it hard and I'm like
2508alright alright stop anyway she starts
2509laughing at my gold so I gotta like
2510choke her I gotta like I'm trying to you
2511know she has my lip you can't like tear
2512away and she lets go
2513anyway we end up and it was so
2514crazy because we're and I'm like
2515yeah you know I'm like all
2516dominant I'm pretty yeah I get the
2517animal comes out or especially then now
2518when you get it all different but the
2519animal still comes out she's like she's
2520like give it to me and I'm like
2521yeah take that you know all this
2522whatever man just getting giving
2523her what I got man giving her the giving
2524her that the a game not the A+ gave me
2525up at the a game I give it a man
2526driving it I know how good I am all that
2527sort of
2528and she goes you and she like boom
2529punches me in the face and I'm like and
2530at that point dick goes win cuz his
2531difference like the rage that came out
2532of her and she's like you're a
2533like what why am I here with you
2534I'm so stupid in the moment I think I
2535can beat it me end up having sex for
2536four hours and like I am scratched up
2537bitten like just all up
2538and a black eye all the sort of stuff
2539like my lip is just like at this point
2540like this big you know and
2541finally I'm able to come I couldn't the
2542the whole thing was like I kept buying
2543into her game and fighting her war but
2544not fully buying into her game so I get
2545back this crazy man I go - I got a
2546recovery meeting afterwards I'm all
2547beaten up it's Christmas now but if
2548recovered meeting Christmas a beaten-up
2549drive back home and my truck the wheel
2550my axle brakes on the ride home so the
2551wheel comes off so I'm like two blocks
2552from my house but I gotta wait for the
2553tow truck to get it back it's Christmas
2554so it's two hours get there my I had a
2555duplex that my fire was a photographer
2556my photo partner had the other side and
2557him at his girlfriend see me they're
2558like what the happened you and I
2559tell him I talked I tell him about the
2560situation like two cents he's like oh
2561she wanted you to beat the out of
2562her and I'm like I think you're right
2563and he's like no I know I'm right she's
2564like you needed to beat you need to
2565her up not just choke her not just like
2566rough sex I'm like yeah I'm a nice
2567that's not me like I couldn't stay hard
2568you know whenever that it got there and
2569so this is the interesting thing about
2570anger and sex and all these things
2571there's something that charges you
2572within yourself that you got to know and
2573then they're saying I don't know her
2574whole story I still actually talked to
2575her a little bit and you know maybe
2576there's like some other abuse but sex is
2577like disassociated like she the pleasure
2578it was not for fun for her it was not
2579for enjoyment they would they had like
2580most girls like when you're a man and
2581you come they're like oh my god that was
2582mine and she was like okay we're done
2583there is no joy in it so anyway we're
2584like we're going at it and all this
2585stuff
2586and I'm in there was it was all about
2587how it could be this game of hurting
2588each other
2589I don't know what it was and so when
2590your you was a man you got to be able to
2591differentiate cuz see the anger tells us
2592I'm always right
2593I gotta act now I got a fight I got a
2594manifest this fantasy in my head I've
2595wanted to smash the students face or rip
2596his job heart or whatever it is
2597like do this like violent stuff but the
2598reality of it is is the expression
2599doesn't need that much that's just this
2600little it's in when we think about it
2601imagine this because there's no
2602angel or devil but it's this kiss from
2603the devil it's this kiss from that dark
2604side
2605it's that thing which just pops its head
2606up that says no wait a minute this is
2607you - yes - music yeah I present it
2608sometimes like the the power to destroy
2609you know when women are so attracted to
2610vampires let's say as a fantasy you know
2611they have this power to destroy but they
2612make an exception for her that kind of
2613balance you know it's really like what
2614what speaks to a speaks to him that that
2615that power you know not that act not the
2616violence but to know that he has what it
2617takes you he has that power that is that
2618is essential for a man to bring in a
2619relationship for a woman to feel like
2620I feel protected by this guy you
2621know not endangered protects it you know
2622that's great because there's so
2623many that's that's one place where you
2624just see that truth man that
2625vampire that person who has that power
2626but there's that beauty that he sees in
2627who's a man who doesn't who doesn't who
2628hasn't experienced that beauty which
2629makes them want to change if their core
2630and what a woman to continue that like
2631that girl Trish I was talking about
2632she made me want to change but I didn't
2633fully change I changed as much as I
2634could or whatever like but like what
2635about that woman that's all man makes
2636the vampire go like a this is like I
2637could eat this it's more than the
2638power it's even almost the need you know
2639that that vampire is the meat I'm
2640gonna bite you you know and I'm not and
2641it really builds on that tension like I
2642wrote last week better every woman wants
2643to domesticate her wild man but she she
2644she is never more happy than when she
2645fails my wife like how the did I
2646end up with because I'm just so
2647disgusting I'm like so dirty this girl's
2648so clean I I won man I always tell guys
2649I'm like learn how to take care of your
2650own or else you're dependent upon a
2651woman having to do it for you Oh
2652is my story but I like that this is
2653great so I don't know maybe maybe you
2654should just do whatever you do and see
2655what comes around but um
2656but no man like you know really meat and
2657a lot of things are together with her
2658and yeah also just very clean you know I
2659like not bathe I'm like I'll just
2660man I don't want to brush my
2661teeth I'll eat an apple or whatever you
2662know like it's just this crazy
2663guy thing right and um so I'd go about
2664life in that way but you know if I
2665wasn't that way and she's always give me
2666for it but if I wasn't that way you
2667know you you need you need that sort of
2668uh that's sort of dynamic and what makes
2669it happen and for me I didn't think
2670about this like because what you were
2671talking about anger and it made me think
2672about making somebody submit there's one
2673thing when they just say stop there's
2674one things where people like beg they're
2675like no please stop and somehow that you
2676know would fulfill me now dude I'm a
2677now I lose everything I'm no
2678physical specimen for ten years and the
2679funny thing is is ten years ago when I
2680started working out again so that means
2681when I was all up and doing
2682percocets and I was more
2683badass than I am now it's like I I one
2684more but anyway so the thing is is that
2685it made me think about that submission
2686when you just somebody up and
2687they're like they're like you know they
2688just they're like just please stop or
2689like you know see that truth and is this
2690weird fucked-up thing that when you see
2691it you're like it makes you feel good
2692jump to women completely different it's
2693not violent at all it's not it's not
2694about violent that there's the same
2695feeling of submission when a woman
2696submits to you oh it's great like I
2697remember it is having so many times I've
2698already talked about with Trish the
2699point and that ten day sex that we had
2700where I'm like I'm just gonna
2701come in you and she's like do whatever
2702you want
2703yes and it was like it's just this
2704feeling of like this is this is what's
2705meant meant to happen
2706now that's a few remnants destined the
2707surrender of it you know in some I
2708remember my Mexican girlfriend she subbu
2709God oh you know and it's it's
2710politically incorrect in many ways you
2711know but that's the submission of it and
2712a woman told me that you don't know how
2713good it feels to surrender yeah and it's
2714it's at the essence it's the essence of
2715the way man and women relate I'm still
2716exploring this but but now there's ways
2717that men surrender so people always
2718think it's a balance right you know it's
2719like oh you have to surrender to her
2720sexually which can't happen I mean that
2721can happen but for me I surrender
2722to my wife all the time like people
2723always talk about all this strength
2724stuff I'm like oh whatever
2725at this point I just don't give a
2726this is how we work and man I I love her
2727I've given my life to her and it does
2728and every day doesn't feel that great
2729but there's something about that
2730commitment but one of these things is is
2731how I surrender to her and in that it's
2732like I don't have to fight I definitely
2733treat her differently than I've treated
2734any other woman and anytime I've treated
2735her in those ways where and it not to
2736say that I was like meet other women
2737which definitely I was the some but like
2738too many I wasn't but every time I've
2739done that other way of being a little
2740bit hard in certain ways and whatever it
2741was the wrong kind as I did it I was
2742like aw man that doesn't feel right and
2743so even to surrender to that or just
2744surrender to the family like a lot of
2745times it's not just to her at first it
2746was to her you know like I say you know
2747what Trish it was like I wanted to give
2748my life to her but I didn't and with
2749Maria I've definitely given a huge
2750amount of my life to her and it was just
2751available at the time it wasn't the
2752right place is your surrender is that
2753the commitment is that the same thing
2754I'm trying to well part of it would have
2755been like now I'm gonna listen to her I
2756don't
2757like so to me what made sense it was
2758like well I'm gonna go travel and I'm
2759gonna other chicks I remember this
2760is funny we do this thing in recovery
2761where you go through your step work and
2762I was going over with my sponsor and I
2763do dis man there's this girl before
2764Maria that was like I was basically
2765a bunch of chicks and um I had
2766broken up with Trish it warped my mind I
2767went through a tear and I went through
2768some alone time and then I met this I
2769didn't want to have another girlfriend
2770and then I met this girl and I met this
2771girl and it was like yeah I'm glad Jim
2772knew me then this was in 2012 and Jim
2773was like you shouldn't be with that girl
2774and I'm like why and and in - let me
2775tell you something I if I want to give
2776my sex to somebody I bought myself a
2777window of time I it's not like I'm doing
2778some technique it's not like I'm some
2779masterful person but if you asked to
2780feel the total me if you feel the total
2781me if you feel the total anybody that
2782that girl's gonna stick around and if
2783she gives me her totally like I'm gonna
2784stick around it's just gonna like that's
2785how powerful sex is the problem is
2786nobody knows how to give their total
2787self they all think it's like well you
2788thrust in this way or do their you say
2789this thing and drop the fairy dust and
2790then she's whipped it's it's really
2791about how can I find ways to express my
2792total self I gave my total self SanDisk
2793oh this girl was man I wrote my soul
2794inside her yeah and she would she
2795was she had never been like and
2796she told me she's like Jesus Christ and
2797I just broke up with my boyfriend two
2798weeks ago and this is like insane I've
2799never felt this and I'm like yeah I
2800might tell me tell me you feel loved
2801don't make love uh you know what and
2802she's like I do like you I'm yours
2803anyway three months and I'm like
2804all these other chicks too but i'm like
2805god this girl is like god dude i want
2806her and she had one of those bodies
2807where you experience a woman's body and
2808sometime after you've experienced so
2809many bodies you know how rare it is to
2810find like certain perfections and let
2811alone their their man the vagina
2812like there's so many different vaginas
2813like
2814god it's it's amazing to explore one and
2815how your dick fits there's always
2816interesting women would always say we
2817fit so good and I'd be like what but
2818then after you feel enough you're like
2819ah you know like where you know how am I
2820City how am i emptying myself and you
2821how am i filling you how are you put
2822your your juice here like how is that on
2823me you like how it was that changing me
2824like all that sort of stuff like used to
2825get into it anyway so this girl like man
2826it was too good and I'm like man maybe I
2827should stop these other chicks
2828chick ghosted me in the I don't know how
2829many women but there's a lot of women
2830there's two that after I gave them the
2831A+ came over a period of time like
2832rewrote how that woman can ever think
2833about sex again not even because I'm
2834great but because we got there cuz
2835seduction connection what is it two
2836different things coming together to
2837create a whole new thing this whole new
2838thing you could not deny it was a force
2839of nature
2840it brought out something in us that had
2841never been seen before and we had to eat
2842at it again and again but she could stop
2843two women and one eye really pissed off
2844I like you know disgraced her i
2845barrister that's why she left this other
2846girl like I don't she she she's gone I
2847wasn't good enough it was like it
2848me up going through this step work and
2849I'm talking about it with uh with the
2850guy who go through my sponsor and I go
2851you know and yeah I was with Trish for
2852all these years and she left me and she
2853you know she gave me every opportunity
2854every opportunity you know a guy in pain
2855guy in pain acts a certain way I'm like
2856I'll upset and I'm like you know when I
2857think about it she gave me Trish would
2858have done anything for me and I couldn't
2859do it like I'll regret you know then
2860this so that I could all these
2861chicks and you know that this girl comes
2862along and I'm like aw man I want her
2863maybe it's cuz I was still
2864chicks on the side I'm a terrible the
2865guilts you know comes in I did wrong and
2866he goes well you know if you're gonna
2867have morals if you're gonna have stuff
2868you believe in this is like the step we
2869did was about what I believe in about
2870myself he's like if you're gonna cave to
2871that
2872just because of failure you don't
2873deserve to have those morals of those
2874things you're gonna believe in I was
2875like holy
2876I'm like that made a lot of sense and
2877then I went and a bunch of chicks
2878cuz it made me feel better and in that
2879process I met Nadia so I met Maria the
2880time I met Maria young 35 for whatever
288134 35 and I was some like 19 year
2882old chick hot you know all the good
2883stuff I was some chick who was
2884kind of closer to my age that was really
2885like smart and mature and like the sex
2886was really good I met her it was a
2887really weird situation it's actually on
2888video cuz I was with a client and he was
2889recording me audio was and then she
2890opened me and then I got up like a
2891proper to do so I just got up inside
2892side nor the dude he knew he knew what
2893was up I actually totally knew it was up
2894I was ignored sat next door she was with
2895two guys that she was like hooking up
2896with at the time was pretty funny and I
2897I went and sat next to her and he
2898started recording then can't really hear
2899anything but whatever anyway as soon as
2900I met her you know we were talking I'm
2901so like up I think I'd like phone
2902sex with her so a week goes by before we
2903see each other but some of their
2904somewhere and they're like we have phone
2905sex and I'm and she's really tall I'm
2906sure I'm five eight and she's six foot
2907and um so we go to watch my friend fight
2908I'm thinking this is perfect we go there
2909and it's in San Antonio which is 70
2910miles south of Austin where I am and she
2911lived in San Antonio so we go there a
2912friend does a fight he loses and she was
2913gonna drive me back so I got a ride
2914there with my buddy who was fighting so
2915I'm like perfect ride back and me
2916and then we go to an art show and we're
2917sitting there and I just remember this
2918is so weird she smells me and this is
2919how I knew she smells me and she's like
2920haha you smell good and not like
2921yeah guys if you wear cologne that's
2922cool but I've like come on man
2923I I go out I go out of who I am
2924man I don't shower
2925stuff whatever but you know
2926so I'm like okay you say I smell good
2927let's go
2928so yeah let's go back to my place and
2929talk
2930to still to this day she's like why
2931don't you say let's go back to my place
2932and and I'm like because you can't
2933say that but I guess that were you could
2934go in we get to my place we drive there
2935and we just blast each other starts
2936making out with me we have sex right
2937away it's pretty amazing experience I'll
2938spare you the details cuz she she gets
2939so she's like why do you talk about all
2940this stuff
2941why do you what's wrong with you
2942why did I marry a guy like you anyway
2943but I'm a lot of good stuff happened but
2944in that it was just like I'm not having
2945sex with anybody and I just felt I just
2946felt it so you know I'm 34 I've been
2947with you know hundreds of women I've
2948been with a lot of women I've been in
2949love so many times just like you know
2950what I'll chill I'm gonna do it Dave you
2951know my sponsor had said you're just
2952gonna chill a couple weeks go by we keep
2953did you you said did you really like
2954feel that yeah no no wasn't a decision
2955it was a decision because I felt it like
2956I don't believe choice is great but to
2957make a choice
2958takes incubation time for me okay for me
2959like I'm come I learned slow but to make
2960a choice like I'm gonna live good I got
2961out of the and I I still believe this
2962like when guys talk about morals and
2963things that they live by if you haven't
2964worked for that I can't believe you and
2965to me to work for that was if I want to
2966value honesty for me I know when it just
2967sounded like a good idea because I read
2968about it in books and heard people talk
2969about it and it was great and people
2970respected them that wasn't good enough I
2971had to learn to lie Loveline live by
2972lying and then go wait a minute this
2973isn't working
2974oh there's that honesty thing right okay
2975that's I'm gonna for okay well
2976okay maybe it is good oh wait okay
2977there's a value in honesty wait okay
2978wait a minute there there isn't even
2979honesty in between nature in the world
2980but it's a man-made thing so man needs
2981honesty because reality doesn't reality
2982just is so man has a certain identity
2983with truth that when he can distort
2984truth
2985in a certain way people feel bad about
2986it I feel bad about it I why do I find
2987value in it and then I start to go okay
2988wait a minute now I know what honesty is
2989that's why all those dumbasses are
2990posting on your thing because they're
2991fanboys of masculinity going like what a
2992sick and then one of them was even
2993like oh oh wait a minute
2994han said it so I retract it it's like
2995man you like you when a woman is
2996coming to you the Hans made a reference
2997about like when she asks you know if
2998you've been with anybody it's not
2999because of a moral reason it's because
3000there's a fear and that fear is so
3001abstract we grab it all these rules to
3002make sense out of it and then when we
3003make sense out of it
3004it comes out distorted and we think like
3005whoo man like look dude me and my wife
3006awesome we like get mad at each other
3007all time we all the time we love
3008each other all the time but in all of
3009that like if if my relationship which is
3010good by all no means it's not perfect
3011but no relationship should I if that's
3012possible I don't like what I even want
3013that that takes all the fun out of life
3014like all the good things about my life
3015which I've been sharing about have been
3016far from perfection man perfection a man
3017made to to sanic I think friendship only
3018for its best I say a relationship
3019through friendship only for its best and
3020not for its worst it's to rob it of all
3021its dignity dude see in that weird thing
3022is is I don't know anything about seneca
3023cuz that there involves reading but all
3024these guys are like the Stoics stoic
3025somewheres hard enough for me to sit
3026through a Henry Miller book but it dude
3027it to go you know that and porn that's
3028that's what we got this no but but no
3029man it's so true you know it's so true
3030we if we think if we have an expectation
3031about so if we have a rule about a
3032relationship who are we who are we how
3033dare I take away the expression of a
3034woman like you know we make it about
3035feminism or masculinity or what
3036ever known oh man it's about how can I
3037with a woman if that takes one
3038woman if that takes a hundred women if
3039that takes a life of promiscuity or
3040whatever or life of monogamy how can I
3041be me in the presence of somebody being
3042them the rawness of that man a kiss
3043isn't a kiss a kiss isn't a win it
3044kisses in a lay report it can be all
3045those things a kiss can be power you can
3046see submission and feel good about it
3047you can or you could submit to a woman
3048in another way or whatever it is but how
3049can you be that you know how can you
3050still be you in the rage how can you
3051still be you in the broken heartedness
3052man when my woman left me oh man the
3053pain the pain the the the sadness the
3054whole time
3055gasps Jim ask whoever you know from my
3056groups
3057I don't think Alex was around then but
3058like I'm just like this is good and then
3059I'm calling them all up come like no man
3060I don't know what to do I don't know I
3061don't know what to do tell me what to do
3062you know they give me different advice
3063whatever but like it's like I needed
3064that but that pain now I'll tell you
3065this I don't want my woman to leave me I
3066don't want that at all and I can choose
3067that but how can I live that how can I
3068be tested by the choices like you know
3069man's idea that he thinks he's in
3070control what a great like this nature
3071have a choice does does anything it just
3072does the universe does the Sun going
3073around you know the whatever galaxy or
3074the earth going around the Sun like does
3075that have a choice it doesn't need a
3076choice it has the will it has the same
3077carbon that's in our bodies that came
3078from some out there that merged
3079into us our choice is a gift and it
3080creates a great set of rules that we
3081should live by that man will always
3082think about and wonder about but we also
3083need to know that we're a part of this
3084thing that's just bigger we don't make
3085choices about our chemistry in our body
3086sure I can change my diet and change
3087that but we don't make choices about
3088those things good friends sorry buddy
3089good friends give me the advice I'm very
3090big on like taking action creating my
3091own world all of that but listen to the
3092rhythm of life it is indeed something
3093different yes and let me just go back to
3094that when I'm
3095rule number one and somehow thankfully
3096I've beat this into me stop ask somebody
3097do whatever they say they might give me
3098the wrong advice do whatever they say
3099you know the something goes wrong do
3100whatever they say I've been giving wrong
3101advice but I'm a better man for
3102following an advice and if I follow the
3103right advice that came from me straight
3104up a perfect example I was having issues
3105with with my wife we I got advice from
3106somebody and it probably wasn't the best
3107thing but it was the best thing right so
3108he told me to act a certain way prepared
3109that it uh but that taught me to listen
3110and that taught me to calm down and that
3111taught me to then submit again submit
3112again because what was talking to me you
3113know was my pain was this dysfunction
3114this ability to give me tools to solve
3115it and even how we got back together I'm
3116sure like you know there's issues around
3117that but we decided on it like you like
3118you know she thinks she's right I think
3119I'm right yeah you know goes all right
3120it's like oh man yeah I got this but but
3121what did I get from that if I just think
3122like okay I submit to her stuff she
3123submits to my stuff that's not what
3124we're talking about we submit because we
3125believe there's more to it that we can't
3126control because there's something bigger
3127and now we have so much more and you do
3128it you don't really see it yeah yeah
3129yeah and there was this thing where it's
3130like man there's this scar that we have
3131it's not a big of a deal right
3132are we in four years we had one fight
3133that's basically what happened and now
3134we've been together for six but it's
3135like all there's this scar and we think
3136that way why because I'm afraid of the
3137pain but here's what that pain made me
3138do going through that pain that made me
3139hurt I don't want uh yeah I was i mentor
3140bring this up earlier but I talk a lot
3141even want to get my hair cut but um so I
3142don't I don't want to break up with
3143those this is the greatest thing in my
3144life is great it's beautiful this is
3145what I want there's so many new things
3146happening for me that I don't understand
3147that I have to again
3148submit to but if that does happen it
3149won't hurt the same way not because I've
3150been desensitized to it but I I know
3151this I feel it's all hurt no doubt all
3152hurt but the fears that I felt that I
3153was able to work with my guys man I mean
3154I gotta tell you it's like pick up the
3155phone I talked to Rick pick up the phone
3156talk to Jim talk to talk to hey Zeus
3157talk to who like talk to these guys all
3158telling me different stuff Oh Steve do
3159this with your body Oh Steve yellow
3160Steve man just get your mind off it and
3161teach Oh Steve let's go work out Oh
3162Steve well let's talk about it oh man
3163you're gonna be fine
3164oh let's process through this let's
3165intellectually understand it and it was
3166all a circle you know and so actually
3167there was some really really good advice
3168that was given but a lot of us just to
3169occupy my time occupy my time didn't get
3170out of pain but I got to then not react
3171to it and go deeper in the hole and I
3172got to to build some faith in that group
3173too when I got out of that pain I could
3174look at it and I could realize like what
3175was I afraid of what was i sad about and
3176it's like in that and also the faith
3177that I lived through it that's
3178that's awesome and again I don't want
3179anything bad to happen but it's just one
3180of those experiences where I just don't
3181see a lot of it like I see a lot of men
3182they break up and they're like oh my god
3183women attack me and they have so much
3184power and it's like no man that taught
3185me something who else could have taught
3186me that who else but that strong badass
3187bitch that also was badass enough to
3188make me submit to her to her love
3189to her sex to our family and all these
3190other things like that was evil
3191pain is great man because I
3192lived through it
3193it's awesome oh that's a great
3194story I was gonna ask you more about
3195women but I think this is a great story
3196to end with yeah fantastic
3197we got we plan for now two hours but
3198again man we really happy to hear the
3199story maybe some other people have heard
3200it before I never did now I know many
3201we have now that very happy shared I
3202hope they feel the same kind of like
3203aliveness from you which I've been
3204feeling you really burning me in the
3205presence of that let me let me ask you
3206this though what's on the what's on the
3207horizon for you you what's next for you
3208what do you look forward to in the near
3209future with great anticipation you know
3210I always go like when am I gonna be done
3211with coaching what am I gonna do but it
3212looks like even especially after this
3213last workshop it was like no we're
3214building at this point generations of
3215guys where there's different tears so
3216there's like we kind of joke about it
3217like the team fuck-boy guys the young
3218dudes that are just like going out and
3219you know let's get some sexual
3220experience who could have been virgins
3221to start out with and then like learn to
3222really rich I mean I didn't have that
3223it's really cool but one of the dudes
3224he's getting a little bit older and I'm
3225like you know it's probably not now that
3226you're gonna grow out of this and then
3227you're gonna be like one of these guys
3228and then there's the divorced guys you
3229know and some of those that they're all
3230different ranges but 30s 40s 50s and
3231they're speaking something else and then
3232there's the guys in their 60s and so I'm
3233like you know what it's gonna I think
3234I'll always have some business like this
3235where there's like a community of men
3236because it just gets and right now it's
3237not huge like in Austin there's like 20
3238active guys that's good and you know Jim
3239was time he's like we should cap this to
3240no more than two new ones a month
3241because they've got to get the culture
3242of the group you know and then online
3243you know there's about a hundred guys
3244say we got to get the culture of that
3245group
3246to sustain and that's very important so
3247I think that on the horizon but another
3248thing is is like you know my story save
3249us for another time I didn't I have two
3250other kids you keep a dad in 2005 and
3251I'm and uh and I didn't see those kids
3252for five years and so after I wrap this
3253up I'm gonna go pick them up and it was
3254it was craziest I'm in five years no no
3255no I'd be much different I wouldn't be
3256talking I might be talking to you Hans
3257but not in this capacity but you know
3258when that happened two years ago when I
3259got to see them again it's a whole
3260nother crazy stories crazy like all
3261these guys talk about like women take
3262away your kids and make up claims and
3263you get ruined his man like that stuff's
3264happened and I remember I brought it up
3265to the McDowell and ripple geyser I've
3266tried to communicate with them they said
3267yeah but you were stupid and I go I
3268guess I mean hey I'll always take the
3269stupid thing but I felt that pain and I
3270always went back to women some Jim
3271always says it's like we've been beaten
3272up been through the wringer fat our
3273hearts broken in the worst ways but why
3274do we go back is it really for weakness
3275or is there something more and there's
3276you said is in the beginning you know
3277something similar there women are
3278stabilizing power not because I'm not
3279because they're more stable than us but
3280because they're the opposite in many
3281ways yeah
3282and so I feel the same you know we I
3283really need them yeah give you with it
3284you know there's this guy David Tian
3285he's a really good coach I like him a
3286lot he has a big community let's run
3287differently it's like all these coaches
3288it's like we do the same thing but it's
3289like that's so different but there's
3290very few good guys and I like him and
3291he's a college professor he's a former
3292professor he's real smart david tian
3293okay and so David as you normally
3294spelled then TI in yes and I'm super
3295good guy he's in Singapore tremendous
3296but he was describing he has all these
3297videos and I watched one and I was so
3298happy because he actually referenced me
3299in it I was like
3300he's really popular like you know he's
3301like really yeah I'm kind of like I've
3302already met him in Singapore a couple
3303whoo dude great guide he's the guy well
3304maybe I don't live in Singapore so I
3305don't really know but he's he's the guy
3306I'd talked to it I've always been
3307friends with them and just super great
3308guy but um he was saying he's like you
3309know if all these guys got what they
3310wanted and just had a man's life like
3311here's what would happen and he like
3312intellectually bullet breaks it down you
3313know I'm more like here's what happened
3314I'll up or some to know that's like
3315how I'd say it but if all these women
3316who wanted to separate from men got what
3317they wanted here's what would happen and
3318nobody wants that
3319and then here's all these people trying
3320to come together and they can't figure
3321it out so they say this it was really
3322kind of a different way of looking at it
3323but man I dude I'm different than women
3324and I need to see that and I am a fan of
3325that but I need women like it's so night
3326and day or it's so obvious I'm sorry so
3327obvious to me like I I have to have that
3328like I'm nothing without it I'm
3329definitely something but my masculinity
3330is incomplete and if you think just I
3331mean I just don't speak that person's
3332language maybe I used to you know back
3333when I was 19 and not having sex with
3334anybody but like now that I've spoken it
3335so much like me without women like a
3336world without women is a want world
3337against women that's something that I've
3338always said and and and that's where I
3339see a lot of men turning to and it's
3340really it's you go through that phase
3341yeah I went through that phase you know
3342you go through that phase it's like you
3343know the red pill man I was told
3344about Santa Claus when I was a kid now
3345it's pretty pissed off when I found out
3346he wasn't real but then I grew up and
3347realized there's a reason why your
3348parents told you that you know it wasn't
3349because there's some conspiracy
3350you know it's it's uh it's hard men and
3351women are very different but we come
3352from the same thing and you realize how
3353similar we are once you and once
3354you feel once you give yourself
3355you know once what's you yeah there's
3356there's we all share the need to be seen
3357felt and heard we're very similar very
3358akin in those desires well I'm learning
3359that there's important differences
3360between men and women and that's that's
3361the beauty of a true connection happens
3362when we see the differences you know I
3363get along anyway that's how the
3364connection grows how community goes not
3365by stressing hey we're the same no we're
3366very different and we anyway and I it's
3367like energy you know it comes from a
3368plus and a minus and and that's to me
3369where connection attraction seduction
3370comes from you know from our polarity
3371and and yeah I'm the same man I real I'm
3372so thankful and grateful oh yeah oh yeah
3373like Who am I without like God what a
3374disgusting what a shitty life man but I
3375don't think subduction will ever leave
3376me but right now there's so much about
3377being a father
3378and like being responsible in those ways
3379that is like that's a big deal it's a
3380lot on my mind mainly because it's just
3381in my face all the time right and so
3382that's that's important like being a
3383leader leading groups yeah go ahead
3384I don't like to me like subduction is an
3385essential ingredient of every
3386relationship is it a meeting dating and
3387in relationship long term in fact to me
3388seduction as an art form never becomes
3389more important than in your long-term
3390relationships because I I've seen and I
3391truly believe that at the heart of every
3392failing relationship is a lack of
3393seduction and it's really the key on
3394your long-lasting long-term relationship
3395i i'm also you know my biggest joy is
3396long-term relationships i mean never is
3397seduction more important than in those
3398things to keep that that fire alive to
3399keep looking at each other with those
3400eyes wow there's something bigger here
3401now and to be able to create that for
3402yoga it's interesting because from my
3403past relationships like from my
3404relationship now there's so much about
3405it that has to be honored with privacy
3406because i'm like you know not the only
3407one in it but from my past relationships
3408one of the things that's so
3409beautiful because monogamy for me was
3410always a struggle in it after a while it
3411becomes kind of like a game like I can't
3412be monogamous like I can't believe this
3413you know oh my god it's crazy and all
3414this sort of and you try and you
3415just can't do it and then I did it which
3416was very hard for the first 18 months
3417but one thing I got from my previous
3418relationships and the one that really
3419came from that girl Trish but there were
3420other girls too and there were other
3421girls that I was like madly in love with
3422along with her
3423there was another Julia that that I was
3424just amazing I mean this girl was
3425amazing she was a sex worker and had
3426written off sex and had all these issues
3427with it and you know and yet she with me
3428she was able to come to a spot where she
3429felt good and I and I know that feeling
3430and also I mean she massively changed me
3431too but in that let's say to fall in
3432love with Julia who you know and I would
3433even say so I was dating this girl Vicky
3434Julia and Trish at the same time this is
3435like the spread one in Austria one in
3436the Caribbean and one in Paris and I
3437would go to all these like crazy this is
3438like a like a mate like this is my life
3439right Vicky was what everybody would
3440consider is beautiful like she was
3441really attractive and I'm God man just
3442amazing and like so many ways I remember
3443just when having sex with her to look at
3444her body he was like just so amazing in
3445a certain way cuz she was very long and
3446thin and just had this I don't know it's
3447just like it was great
3448it's just awesome Julia was short and
3449you know all right
3450face
3451that good but to make love to it was
3452unbelievable and that and that's the
3453difference was unbelievable to to
3454experience all of that and she was uh
3455she was from Austria so dirty talk and
3456German is not the best thing you want to
3457hear you get a get a girl speaking
3458French that's there that's what you want
3459baby but uh her like having some some
3460loud Trinidadian just shouting it um as
3461that's different but anyway the thing is
3462is that it was it was so amazing to feel
3463that one thing that came from this this
3464one thing that I've is always stuck with
3465me I wish more men talk talks about it
3466people get very angry this and this kind
3467of like this could be playing with fire
3468but it's part of this truth it's kind of
3469like the Dracula thing like you know the
3470woman he chooses there's a truth to that
3471that's so like god I wish more people
3472would share why he would choose that
3473woman to not kill her to make love to
3474her to submit her whatever it is but in
3475having sex with those girls and allowing
3476myself to fall in love with them and not
3477be in a place where I had to like run or
3478judge myself made me absolutely know
3479that Trish was the greatest woman in my
3480life at the time but to see like so
3481Vicky and her body and sex and youth and
3482greatness was it was great and it was
3483like his son you couldn't turn that down
3484man it was just too great I'd get to
3485stay in Paris and I was like hang out
3486and was beautiful man and then to go to
3487Austrian just go on these adventures an
3488amazing amazing woman and to heal and
3489feel the depth like true love through
3490sex you know it's just so great just
3491made me absolutely know may calm down
3492all that stuff that made me go like God
3493what I have is so beautiful but here's
3494the thing if I were to only stayed with
3495Trish I would just be too blinded by it
3496and I think that seduction is so
3497necessary it was one thing in man I
3498don't know two thousand seven or eight
3499zan gave some talk in Austin
3500you've probably heard him say as a bunch
3501of times I don't know whatever but
3502he uh he said you know men never get hit
3503on by women in a relationship but women
3504in a relationship still get hit on by
3505men and for men to understand that
3506exchange whether that's the pursuit or
3507whatever it is like oh man it's you you
3508become alive in a certain way now you
3509might have a rule not to cheat Society
3510has a rule you know not to be
3511promiscuous you might come up with some
3512rule oh you got to communicate
3513everything so we're gonna be polyamorous
3514where I see so many people then
3515communicate with their guilts like oh
3516I'm gonna be honest with you about
3517everything and then you damage the woman
3518you know it's just like it's so crazy
3519and then you build all this drama no
3520Johnny says the same and it's great you
3521know if you're driven by guilt you
3522should keep it through yourself you know
3523yes you don't want to unburden them and
3524have her carry some of that weight you
3525know you have to be Johnny support our
3526okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it's funny
3527because I've talked with him I like him
3528a lot
3529but I just I've never sat down with a
3530much even it faced I'm like man I've
3531spent a lot of time he's a good guy like
3532his you know there's a lot of good stuff
3533he's created this great you know
3534convention that or whatever you call it
3535but you know every year at the AVN's and
3536but uh man I do not know him that well
3537but totally absolutely you know you if
3538you have guilt keep that to
3539yourself man why would you infect but I
3540get why you would you know but again
3541it's holding on the attention the anger
3542it's telling you to do one thing you
3543don't know how to hold on to it the
3544guilt so you do another thing you don't
3545I told on to it is these primal things
3546within us that we got to learn you know
3547the the man with the hard dick you know
3548can be an idiot or you could be a great
3549man man who learns to live with a hard
3550dick that's what you should aspire
3551to be but everybody wants to have the
3552limp dick they want to come in a
3553chick or get done with her orgasm and go
3554but it's part of its how do you live
3555with that tension ways you know did you
3556want to say more about the women because
3557I kind of interrupted you there I'm
3558a the man I was about to say those
3559bitches changed my life but they're
3560man they those girls
3561like man they're the women if I'm gonna
3562ever call myself a man they're part of
3563the they had to be the women the full
3564woman to get me anywhere close to where
3565I am and um you know just pivotal ways
3566and like I said you know there's just
3567been there's been a lot of women but you
3568know there's there's just those handfuls
3569of ones that you know dug in deep and
3570changed something in me and who would I
3571be without that and it's still happening
3572I think you know kind of like what is in
3573my future you know what is fatherhood
3574what is masculinity what is you know
3575what are all these things afterwards you
3576know and I think about it a lot because
3577with a women thing man I've lived
3578everything I've lived with all the
3579fighting stuff but what I think like I
3580lose all the time I can't I mean even if
3581I fight guys my own age it's it can be
3582tough but it levels out cuz like man for
3583whatever reasons you know you walk away
3584with a lot of losses but I you used to
3585not be that way
3586so to think about what is the meaning of
3587this and that there's a truth in it you
3588know it's funny cuz like I can legally
3589get on testosterone there or whatever I
3590can get prescribed it but I talked to
3591some of my dudes that I respect
3592spiritually and I still might do it you
3593know it's kind of like a cool thing
3594plate you know it's like what am i
3595with inside but this guy made
3596said something that made sense as he
3597said so there's a reason why we slow
3598down and there's a reason why you need
3599to learn that lesson and if you're
3600resisting to learn that lesson you know
3601that you're you're just gonna be stuck
3602in that stage you won't let go of
3603masculinity and if I think you know it
3604it's not just about winning it's about
3605feeling a certain feeling of that when I
3606had more energy you know so you know we
3607have so many things available you know I
3608may take it I may I may go for that that
3609deal um and before everybody's like all
3610have you tried this diet or whatever the
3611cool I'm not asking for advice I've done
3612a lot of stuff man but stuff changes and
3613it's not so bad
3614and so I wonder about that where's that
3615you know
3616Who am I cuz anytime I've tried to jump
3617for the answer that my pain showed me
3618which up the men still probably gonna do
3619it man fine you know I'll take you got a
3620cure you got a pill you got a shot boom
3621but the you know the lesson is most
3622likely ain't gonna come from the
3623acceptance of my reality you know and
3624that's you know the the world around me
3625always has the right answer you know
3626even if it means that a tragedy happens
3627to me or whatever so beautiful yeah
3628I'm happy I heard this I have yeah I I
3629feel much closer on it
3630I gotta you know what every gyms gonna
3631talk to me and he's gonna go like yeah I
3632heard that you should have asked
3633Hans some question what the is next
3634time you do the interview with me yeah
3635yeah let's do it man but let me tell
3636like I I just want to express my
3637gratitude you know I knew you when you
3638say like to just listen to people you
3639know and and how much truth is in there
3640or to me like how much connection is in
3641there it's I'm also most the time the
3642one the leader and the one talking that
3643it gives me so much peace to to be able
3644to like sit at your feet and your your
3645story you know it it's very surrounding
3646and very it's beautiful it's beautiful
3647to sit at my feet
3648Jesus yeah I got you I got you
3649very respectful but no man I mean two
3650people talking like and so you were
3651asking me like how do people get in
3652contact you can go to my websites the
3653sexual life you can email me Steve it's
3654sexual life
3655there's a bunch of you can join my
3656facebook group and I would say if you're
3657a guy looking for a men's development
3658join my facebook group and make yourself
3659heard don't just sit in the background
3660which is Austin men's development but um
3661start a conversation like all I give a
3662about is you talking to me or
3663whoever else I mean you can private
3664message me whatever you know it might I
3665might get inundated after all of this
3666being so popular ten people might
3667message me what but you know I'll get
3668back to you and you gotta always have
3669time to talk to people that's the most
3670important thing and you know my business
3671is my business is good it gets good
3672results I still don't know how I do it
3673I'm I just I just exists I just
3674it's it's weird I just do what I like to
3675do I like talk to people and then
3676somehow we get better people and people
3677pay me they pay me they it's great so
3678yeah I'll put the links the sexual life
3679with likes that's right try to contact
3680him it's Steve my ADA on Facebook and
3681some man you know so try to find a way
3682to contact and personally if you can't
3683and contact me and I'll put you in
3684contact with him I'll start a
3685conversation and man I'll tell you this
3686if you have any requests for like really
3687crazy Jiu Jitsu videos I'll make them
3688that's that's a good way to make friends
3689with me and be like Steve what's the
3690right way to do a heel hook or a heel
3691hook from this position or a neck crank
3692or something like that I'm a man thank
3693you so much man it's it I think it's
3694great that we get to know each other
3695better in the in light of the forging of
3696our friendship this is just the first
3697step so it'll be more thank you again oh
3698absolutely you got a man you got it
3699thank you