ABQ9LAYd

1professionals, such as Damson and Shaz
2
3i'm a pro?....when did that happen?
4haha, actually Damson finds it highly amusing to post in third person.  It's very fun
5 it's the greatest plan ever
6
7Ha, the greatest plan ever will be made by hair.
8
9by hair, for hair?
10
11 no, by hair for scalp
12
13that makes no sense, if there's one thing hair hates it's scalps
14
15no, no, morgan....it's a love hate relationship....they can't stand each other, but they just fit so well.
16
17Not a chance, it's a hate-hate relationship. With 7 extra-large sides of hate to go with that entree.
18
19you can't get 7 extra-large sides....they just wind up all mashed together anyway.
20
21So it's like the best milkshake ever?
22
23without the milk.....or the shake
24
25That's genius! The milkless not-shake!
26
27I need to create that for reals
28I wander in and out on an almost daily basis
29
30the key word being "basis"
31Spread it! Cut it! Stab it! Gooooooo KNIVES!!!
32I muchly dislike the Enzyte commercials, and desire to publicly humiliate those responsible.
33
34But there's all this science behind it!
35
36Most hilarious commercials ever. That is my favorite line.
37oh, soo like the are trying to do something good, but it's one of those cases, there may not be a right or wrong? depends on your side?
38
39Just like high school math tests.
40
41Except not like those.
42I got ill seeing it in theaters. Luckily, being a pro from having many nausea issues when young, I knew just when to make a run for the bathroom.
43
44And you passed on that chance because the movie was so good and threw up on the person in front of you really noisily and then they ran to the bathroom and everyone else ran out of the theater because they thought you had swine flu and then you were all alone in the theater and no one knew and then the building burned down from the friction of everyone's feet on the floor as they fled the building and you were too busy throwing up to notice and there was no one to help you so you were about to die but then you threw up on the fire and it thought you had swine flu so it went running out of the building too?
45
46Actually, it was just me and my mom in the theater, and she wasn't sitting in front of me.
47
48So you threw up in her lap? And she ate it and regurgitated it back into yours so that you wouldn't lose nutrition?
49
50Well, it turns out that I am not a bird, and neither is she, so I would certainly say that this chain of events is quite precisely what didn't happen.
51
52But that would make a good movie.
53Consider this post an official request to lengthen the title of this thread.
54
55Consider this post an official denial of above request and a further official request that the perpetrator be thrown from the castle wall.
56the lack of freshness
57
58I AM freshness.
59
60Then there's a lack of you inside something...probably a goat.
61
62*shoves morgan inside a goat* 
63
64there.....all better
65
66*Sings* 
67
68Hey nonny, hey hey-hey hey nonny!
69
70wow, I was going through the last couple posts and I read my last one before this and thought it said "*shaves morgan inside a goat*" and I thought....why would I do that?
71
72Shaving him inside a goat would be much much more amusing  
73
74Also i've just had a revelation. Inside of dried pear slices, i'm going to create and sell dried hair slices. It'll revolutionize the food industry. Because hair is a renewable resource!
75Actually the differences date back to the ancient Egyptians. You see, the Egyptians used wedges as part of their lever schemes in order to build the pyramids. So they were naturally inclined to call things wedges when they chopped up fruit and other such items. But the Romans were Italians and they invented pizza, which is of course cut into slices, not wedges. So the difference between wedges and slices is just the difference between pyramids and pizzas, Romans and Egyptians, sand and spaghetti.
76we should make a band composed of dog whistles, cowbells and pigskin drums
77
78If you do that, i will make a band that makes music by saying insulting things about your band.
79
80I think it might be worth a shot.
81
82Sounds like an experimental musicfest. Like sampling a pinecone and then sampling the feedback on the sampling of the pinecone.
83
84The name of my band's first song will be: That First Song On Shaz's Band's CD Really Blows Chunks.
85
86aw, man....that was gonna be the title of the first song on my band's CD.
87
8811/12/08: 
89I am make like having to math every day of the year, so hard that I could throw my math work at a diamond and the diamond would shatter into a million pieces because that’s how hard I does math do. In other news, lichen, all over the place. Not to be confused with Lycans. Those don’t exist... or do they? Just imagine a Lycan lichen – a werelichen, if you will. A man that turns into a ferocious, mindless patch of moss that attacks everyone it sees. Of course, I can’t imagine it would be a very effective attack; in fact it would probably seem to a person like the lichen was just sitting there not moving. If you shoot a werelichen with a silver bullet does that kill it? I’m going to shoot every patch of moss I see on the next full moon with a silver bullet, just in case. That’ll teacharan. Now I will spin around in a circle and pick a direction and go. I got north. I am now going to go north. 
90
913/14/09: 
92I have made it to the North Pole. I have lost 4 toes to frostbite, and I have no food. I also discovered the main cause of Male-Pattern Baldness while in the middle of the Arctic Ocean. You see, hair is like fire: cavemen invented it. And since most men are no longer cavemen, they have forgotten how to grow hair. This came to me in a dream but I know it’s true because a penguin said so, even though I don’t think I’ve seen any penguins. 
93
943/15/09: 
95I have gotten back to the United States. I am in Massachusetts, and I have just sent a letter to the President of MIT, to ask for the creation of a new department, the College of Hairology. I have offered to be the head of this department, though I will request that my official title be Bigwig. I, of course, am the expert on Hairology, since I grow out my hair at a mile an hour. However I can use my psychic abilities to cause it to grow back into my head a fraction of an inch less than a mile an hour. Now I’m going to the club to get my swerve on. 
96
973/19/09: 
98Still no word back. It’s ridiculous, I hold the key to stopping Male-Pattern Baldness, you’d think the moment they read that they’d be rushing over to my shack to hire me. Maybe I won’t do it after all. I could just take the world by storm with my flaming hot dance moves. Also, my delicious milk. I concocted the ultimate milk by pouring samples onto a to-scale miniature model of a ferris wheel, until I crafted the mixture that performed like it should. This mixture has the flavor of ten thousand yeti children playing thirteen sets of Bongo drums using one hydraulic jack. And it is the consistency of liquid gold without any of that metal crap. Also I peed in each bottle, so fresh. But I won’t tell anyone that because then they’d be all over me, trying to get me to give them my key to the Lair of Milk. And now I’m going to sleep. 
99
1003/25/09: 
101You know what I’ve got a problem with? People who have problems. I mean, I was on the bus today, going to TP the President of MIT’s house again since he rejected my request, and there was this guy sitting across from me who kept hitting his head on the wall. And then he kept saying “I’m the first human woodpecker.” And I said, “Keep it to yourself buddy, I’ve got 99 problems and you’re one.” Then he said, “That’s not how the song goes,” and then I said “I know that, idiot,” then I threw him out the window. We might have been on a bridge at the time but I didn’t really check. Anyways the cops came, but I gave them some of my milk and they let me off with a warning. 
102
103
1043/27/09: 
105Today some fools tried to cop my grapes, so I laid down a beating on those punks. Then they got in their car, so I slashed the tires, blocked the doors, punched holes in the roof, and poured gasoline in. This was all a ruse to get them to give me money. Instead one of the fools lit up a cigarette to calm his nerves and then the whole car blew up. Just more proof that smoking kills. I didn’t think the cops would be so lenient this time so I left a note saying “Soy Milkboy was here” and drove off in my milk truck. 
106
1074/1/09: 
108Today’s April Fool’s Day and the cops are still on my trail. But I’ve got the best prank ever, all I need is a giraffe, handkerchief, a hatchet and a mirror to teach them not to mess with me. Unfortunately, all I could find was a hatchet. Determined to escape capture, I have decided to move to Swaziland for a while. 
109
1105/2/09: 
111This has been the worst month of my life. I’m starving, no one here has any cows I can milk for milk, and I have malaria, dysentery and Ebola. Actually I already got over the Ebola, making me the first survivor of the disease ever. I’m starting to think it’s been long enough for me to return to America. After all, the Presidents of the 20 Universities that have rejected me haven’t gotten their twice-daily TPings in a month now. I will miss Swaziland though, especially the dancing. I’m now a master of the Hamakikawelickoma move. I’m taking my adopted son, Sha Tacalla, with me too. 
112
1135/6/09: 
114Okay so I made it back to the US. I’m sitting in this ambulance right now, pretending to watch this unconscious guy. Maybe if I slip him some milk he’ll wake up. I’m not an EMT, it’s just that secretly riding in ambulances is a hobby of mine. I used to do it in cement mixers too, but that got me maimed. By a tiger. Long story. It’s basically longer than if you were to make everything on Earth into one long string. Longer than that. 
115
1165/7/09: 
117You know what else is long? No? Good, it’s a State Secret. I even keep the secret from myself. But none of this is important. What is important are pollywogs, the champions of the ocean. They own everything, fact. Except they don’t even know that they do, because they went extinct tomorrow. But I’m rambling. The whole point of the long thing was I wanted to say that this car ride I’m taking is lasting forever. I just want to get this killer whale out of my trunk. I’ve been driving for 15 seconds now. Driving and writing isn’t very safe. 
118
1196/9/09: 
120So I definitely lost my diary for the last month. I found it today in a bird’s nest. Don’t ask me how it got there or why I was in a tree looking into birds’ nests. Both are also state secrets. Okay, not really. I was looking in birds’ nest because I was hungry, and there’s nothing more delicious than eggs. As to how it got in a birds’ nest, I have no clue. Most likely it was because my neighbor got all jealous and threw bird seed all over my house while I was asleep, and the bird army came and took the birdseed and the book, thinking that the book held the key to infinite bird seed generation.
121
1226/18/09: 
123You know how dogs are always the enemy of the mailmen? Well, bears are the enemies of milkmen. I was at the zoo today selling milk to people and some guy pushed me into the bear exhibit because he was high on PCP or something. So all of the bears immediately surrounded me, and started to come towards me. I summoned and readied the trusty Milkstaff, the weapon all milkmen can call upon in times of dire need. The battle was long and arduous. Attack! Parry! WINDMILL!!!! I thrust my staff into 5 bears’ chests, killing them all at once before they hit the ground. The day was a triumph. 
124
1257/3/09: 
126Tomorrow is the 4th of July, so I’ve been very busy filling all the orders. Milk is the most-used thing on Independence Day, by a thousand times more than the second most-used thing (crutches). People use milk for the strangest things, like paint thinner, ceiling tiles and internet service providers. 
127Unfortunately, since the secret ingredient in my milk is my urine, I’ve been chugging water and peeing nonstop for a week. That’s why I haven’t made any entries lately. In other news, I’m running a marathon tomorrow. I decided yesterday when I wasn’t sleeping (which was all day). My milk will keep me going when my legs cramp up and I pass out from overdosing on apple pie. 
128
1297/5/09: 
130So it turns out there was no marathon. The race was a trap by the Fresh & Easy corporates to try and take me out of commission. It seems that the hairless droids that make their soy milk took over the company, and their mission is to eradicate all real milk. I noticed something was wrong when I was in the crowd waiting for the race to start, and noticed none of them were breathing. I left to go get some milk from my truck and the race started off, but instead of running everyone in the crowd exploded. They were robots that were supposed to kill me. Then I went over and stomped on all the twisted, charred metal bits. Take that frich-hairs! 
131
1327/9/09: 
133I’ve been on the move since then, because these guys in white cloaks sporting classy watches have been trying to talk to me. They’re smart, wearing white, so throwing my milk on them has no effect. They even have white eyes, so my milk can’t blind them. I’m hiding right now in my milk truck, which I disguised as a mail truck. Actually I just stole a mail truck and put my milk in it. I had my dog attack a mailman and ran in and jacked his truck. They don’t call me the Milk Ninja Man for nothing. 
134
1357/14/09: 
136Chicken fingers. I wonder if anyone ever thinks about that name. Chicken don’t have fingers, and chicken fingers don’t even look like fingers. They should be called chicken slabs. Or chicken milk slabs. Mine should, at least, since I make mine with almost all milk, and only a little chicken and batter. They taste so good that it’s like getting a genie that gives you the most delicious thing of all time. When I gave my recipe to KFC they literally tried to kill me, after asking me “How did you learn the secret blend of herbs and spices?!?!?!??!?!” It took all of my skills to escape them. But that was 30 years ago. Also, I haven’t had “chicken fingers” in 29 years. I’m a vegan now anyways, except for the milk. 
137
1387/29/09: 
139I’m still trying to find my “Y” Prime, the stamp I use on all of my milk bottles. Without it, no one will know it’s my delicious milk they’re getting. I’ll bet an arsonist burned it, because he ran out of hairs on his head to burn. Waste of hair I always said, but do they listen to me? No. They just take out their flamethrowers and light stuff on fire, and I have to put out their heads with my pee. The trick is that my pee is more flammable than oil. What a good joke. Anyways I just found my stamp. It was in my mouth. 
140
1418/10/09: 
142Today I found an old taco shell on the ground. It looked so lonely and hairless that I adopted it. It’s name is Hairy Harry the Hairiest Hair of all HairsMcGee the 3rd. It will live in an aquarium filled with milk. I’m too cheap to actually get an aquarium so I have filled my sink with milk. Speaking of sinks, I broke a sink once, with a hammer. Then I had to slurp everything out of the faucet so it wouldn’t spill into the broken sink. That reminds me, I should alter all my faucets so that milk comes out of them. 
143
1448/24/09: 
145Today is my birthday. To celebrate I invited over a milkman from a neighboring city, a pen light, and three workers from McDonalds. And by “invited” I mean “kidnapped,” except for the pen light, which I built. They wouldn’t even sing me Happy Birthday, some friends. So I decided to go into town and find a motivational speaker to cheer me up. I found the perfect guy sitting on the side of the highway holding a sign that read “Give me food yo or I’ll bust a cap in yo cracka face.” I picked him up and we’re going on a cross-country motivational tour.
146
1479/1/09: 
148So today we arrived in Phoenix to spread our message of Milk Motivation to the masses. In Phoenix, since it’s really hot, I think my new milk-ice product will be smash. Milk-ice is so motivational for people that live in the extreme heat, because their milk gets warm in 5 seconds, and if they use normal ice then their milk gets watery when the ice melts. Other benefits of milk-ice are for people that live in cold places, they can make milk-igloos. Anyways I think I should take my motivational campaign straight to the State Capitol, where all the government officials can get motivated by my motivational speaker and my milk-ice. 
149
1509/7/09: 
151Ok, NOW I’m going to do my motivational day at the Capitol. My motivational speaker got lost and I just found him today. For whatever reason he doesn’t seem happy, he was probably just in shock from the fear of being away from me. To make sure he can’t get lost again I put him on a leash. I hope he’s been rehearsing the motivational speech about milk-ice I prepared for him a couple weeks ago. Also I dressed him in a cow costume to really drive home the message to the Governor. Anyways, we’re sneaking in through the air vents since they didn’t let us in the front. 
152
1539/9/09: 
154I love new cities. They’re so fresh – like my milk. And Tucson’s pretty nice, especially after Phoenix left a bad taste in my mouth – like soy milk does. I can’t believe the Governor didn’t buy into milk-ice. So I figure I’ll go to Seattle next, this city’s too shady. It’d be a great place to hide evidence, though. Now that I’ve picked up some artificial artichoke hearts, I can go off to Seattle. 
155
1569/12/09: 
157Still on the road, going out of my mind with boredom. I heard that plagiarism is a good way to relieve boredom, so here’s my plagiarism: “I left the car without putting on the alarm. No human being would ever think of trying to steal it in any case: The protective spells would provide greater security than any alarm system. Svetlana and I walked briskly up the steps without speaking and went into her apartment.” In other news, I’m pregnant. Wait I meant hungry, not pregnant, if I had kids, one day they would grow to be the founders of life on the moon, and that’s a fact. Too bad I’m already married to my milk. Literally. 
158
1599/25/09: 
160My mom once told me that my hair was too long. I responded, “No, you can’t even see me because you died in a cheerleading scandal thirty years ago,” and she said “Oh yeah,” and left. I thought about this when I got to Seattle because I ran over a cheerleading squad as I came in. Undaunted, I climbed out of my milk truck and performed surgery and put in the artificial artichoke hearts. Then I drove off, confident that they would soon awaken. I set up shop on the Space Needle and brought out the motivational speaker, and he jumped off the edge. That’s fine, I was going to fire him anyways. Except I was going to fire him with fire. 
161
16210/2/09: 
163I buried a squirrel today. First I harvested all of its milk, then I buried it in a sandbox in a playground since I didn’t have any digging tools. Now that I’ve replenished my milk supply I can get onto the next job: spray painting my logo on every homeless person in Seattle. They can’t afford tattoos, so I’m giving them something just as good for free. Some people don’t want my logo on them but they just don’t know what’s good for them. If they did they wouldn’t choose to be homeless. 
164
16510/10/09: 
166I have developed a bad habit recently. I think the technical term is “chronic fits of hysteria, delusion, and rampant destruction.” I prefer to think of it as the first step on my way to prophet status. It’s well known that all prophets eventually have money given to them by throngs in the streets, so I’ll just keep up my habit until it happens. Like the police yesterday, they wanted to ask me some questions about artichokes and I told them I didn’t care for art or asphyxiation. I was lying on both counts, naturally. 
167
16810/17/09: 
169The heat has been on me in increasing quantities. I’m thinking I should get out, and into the shade. Someplace shady, if you know what I mean. I tried bathing in milk-ice but it only made things worse. I think I’ll head north across the border to Canada, where the heat is more lenient, eh? Even got a Canadian accent, eh? I don’t have a map, I think my motivational speaker used my only one as toilet paper, but no matter. Canada can’t be that hard to find, eh? 
170
17110/25/09: 
172Canada looks strangely like Tucson if you ask me. I think maybe they disguised Canada as Arizona so that the French would leave. They even imported tons of cacti. All in all this is a good thing, I would have preferred to have gone back to Tucson with all of its shadiness. I think that this bump in the road is made of confetti. I’ve been having lots of thoughts like that lately, I don’t know why. Probably because of the talking coconut on my shoulder. See there’s another weird thought. Help me maeth. 
173
17411/2/09: 
175I’m on the run now. I’m hiding in this tall building shaped like a ship. I’m in a supply closet, they’ll never find me here. I lost my milk truck yesterday. It was there one minute, and the next I was laying in a gutter covered with Coco Puffs and moths, and my milk truck was flying away into the rainbow. So I crawled until I found a bee hive, and then I wore it as a hat. And here I am, in a supply closet, reinventing calculus with spray cheese and a pack of Pokemon cards. Wish me luck. 
176
17711/11/09: 
178My right hand has been numb for the last 3 hours. This coincides with the amount of times I have been bludgeoned to death with a hummingbird. Which is to say, my horse is on empty and my arm hairs aren’t talking to my nose hairs. I’m going to be a sailor tomorrow. Now my pen is dissolving. This is bad, it means my hand is soon to follow. My only hope is to drop them all now. Farewell, loyal journal, please don’t give yourself to the police. Now I’m leaving Tucson, to find a whale to lynch before it’s too late for the soles on my shoes that are on my ears.
179
180Opulence is the key to riches in this world. But there is also a world where one may attain divine riches by being too cool for this. In that world, by being absurdly cool, one gains prestige and honor above all other. In that aspect of this particular world's existence, all beings strive to be cooler than everyone else. But it is all in vain, because there was a dictator of sheer pwnaging cool. Its name was... Mohney. It had the power to do things that would have been very... powerful. Instead it opened an ice cream shop called "Ice Cream Is Me", which went out of business 30 minutes after it opened. Thus was the fall of Mohney and the whole planet resounded with it (he was a pretty portly guy, don't ya know?). Immediately after the ringing had died down, a usurper by the name of Mohnie took the throne of the fallen king. Despite his overpowering desire to go into the dairy delectable business, Mohnie realized that he was too cool for ice cream. With this realization came another, better realization. He was just too cool for ice cream and he liked scrambled eggs. After he had put two and two together and gotten four, he decided that he should marry a scrambled egg. His royal court didn't approve (after all who likes being ranked socially lower than an egg, and a scrambled one at that?). But Mohnie didn't really care because his name was Mohnie and he was cooler than them. But at the last minute before the wedding, a fat boeh got hungry and ate the scrambled egg. So the fat boeh became the leader of a rebel army dedicated to destroying all life that was resembled to eggs, even if it was already dead. So the fat boeh, all puffed up with his own importance and fat, waged a five minute war against Mohnie's regime. After 5 minutes the fat boeh got hungry, but since there were no scrambled eggs left for him to eat, he was forced to go out to a diner. As he was leaving, he decided that he probably shouldn’t leave the battlefield unattended, so he promoted a kitchen helper to commanding general. The kitchen helper, whose name happened to be Jack, was, to put it succinctly, an absolute moron. Mohnie, upon realizing that his opponent was a moron, wrote up a peace treaty that would crown him as the little engine that couldn’t. And that was when it happened. Out of a puddle of melting chocolate roses walked a kite making kit that gave off the most terribleist sense of lingering pinesol of anything that ever ran a mile in under 4,000,000 hours. In a fit of abject confusion and patriotic duty, Mohnie and Jack emptied their reservoirs of two day old oregano bread into the kite making kit’s gaping corpulence. This pushed the kite making kit over the worst of its fear of glow in the dark black jellybeans, so it thanked Jack and Mohnie, and gave them both an invitation to a recital of the dictionary at the local skyscraper. Jack and Mohnie made a noise resembling a hunchbacked quail roasting over an open fire at midnight on April 3 in the year 348. The kite making kit took this as “Twinkle twinkle little star” so it walked away and went on with its day forever. As soon as the kite making kit went out of touch, Mohnie ordered the soldier who had let the chocolate bar melt to come. The soldier, shivering with the fear of 1000 deer standing in front of a cold meatball, quickly did a double kick flip on Mohnie’s breath and ran away. But Mohnie ordered his legions of back scratchers to attack, and the soldier was so busy having his back scratched that he let Mohnie cajole him with a moldy tictac as punishment. In spite of their recent trauma, both Jack and Mohnie signed an agreement to create a friendship between them. In as short a time as it takes Istanbul to stumble into the kitchen, they were best friends forever. But all ships leak, and Jack and Mohnie’s was no exception. Soon their ship of friends, some might say their friendship, was leaking pineapples and documentaries wherever it went. So Jack, upon realizing that he was no longer a kitchen helper self destructed into the blackness of an abyss that never existed, and that was that. So Mohnie tortured a fried chicken leg with questions about why it didn’t realize that it wasn’t answering him and dropped the matter. Unfortunately, the matter was very fragile and it broke when he dropped it. So Mohnie called in a clean up crew to take care of the shards of matter all over the floor, but the crew got lost in the maze of toilet paper rolls that descended upon Mohnie at that moment. With a splutter of terrifyingly absent minded gibbering, Mohnie was whisked away to the castle of his great-great grandniece, who just happened to be the king of the colonial empires of baseball.  Unfortunately enough for Mohnie, he never got to meet his great-great grandniece, because she had died in a car accident 20 years later. So now Mohnie was faced with a great and mysterious question: To eat or not to eat this taco?
181
182“Dead Cat”
183By: The Pro Ballaz (The Fury of Four)
184
185The tree’s on fire; who knows why?
186It doesn’t really matter how hard they try
187No one can even reach the cat in time
188It’s a hopeless pursuit so just give up!
189
190The guy who lit the match is
191A moron for even bringing his cat
192To the top of Mt. Everest at all
193The cat is sure to die, stupid fool!
194
195He tried to start smoking
196He died almost immediately
197The cat had just started climbing the tree
198Now it is stuck there indefinitely
199
200Will someone come save it?
201The firemen might, but I don’t think so.
202What it meant to him is soon to be 
203A memory, because…
204
205The cat is stuck up in the tree
206And it will die of asphyxiation!
207The firemen will surely try
208But in the end the cat will die anyways!
209
210On fire; who knows why?
211It doesn’t really matter how hard they try
212No one can even reach the cat in time
213It’s a hopeless pursuit so just give up!
214
215In spite of belief to the contrary
216The firemen cannot possibly
217Make it up to the poor cat in time
218It’s the end of the line for the cat!
219
220Things aren’t the way they were before
221The cat won’t be alive much longer.
222Not that it ever truly was
223 But all things will die in the end!
224
225
226
227Will someone come save it?
228The firemen might, but I don’t think so.
229What he meant to it is soon to be 
230A memory, because…
231
232The cat is stuck up in the tree
233And it will die of asphyxiation
234The firemen will surely try
235But in the end the cat will die anyways!
236
237The firemen aren't trained
238And thus the cat's stuck in the tree
239I tell you this
240Because it makes no sense!
241
242The firemen aren't trained
243And thus the cat's stuck in the tree
244I tell you this
245Because it makes no sense!
246
247The cat is stuck up in the tree
248And it will die of asphyxiation.
249The firemen will surely try
250But in the end the cat will die anyways!
251
252Th Whole Point of This Game Is Complete And Utter Insanity (yes you labotamy patients can enjoy this game too!) so let the nonsense begin!
253
254
255
256Fire-Breath-Man! Yea!
257
258hot pockets!!
259
260Water breath man was pwned by earth breath man, and he was like WHOA! F00
261
262And then wind-breath-man was all, "i will defeat you Fire-Breath-Foo!" And then he blew on him with his wind breath (which was ordinary breath) and Fire-Breath-Man just scorched him. Yea!
263
264He was all pwned!
265
266lol 
267
268hehe 
and then.... wait, i suppose we haven't made the next one yet, have we morgan?
269
270whats goin on? 
more winning?
271
272no, how can you expect that of us two innocent people. 

no, it's just a little comic a guess you can call it. It's based mainly on imaginativeness and this one dude who likes to breath fire. Well, maybe not likes to breath it, but he does.
273
274I made it up. 

It's called, "Fire-Breath-Man—The Series!" 

And as soon as I can effectively draw them on the computer and figure out how to get pictures from my computer to my posts, I will post them!
275
276i have to go 
cya tomorrow
277
278Hey, I was a CYA once, rock on, all right!
279
280Whats a CYA?
281
282 A CYA is a Critically Yachted Apple
283
284I thought it was a Confused Yak Attacker.
285
286It’s a Plateau Out There!
287
288I knew you would say that in here!!
289
290That’s because I told you I would!
291
292I had amnesia, too. 
293Ok, this is great! Ok, Carisman, Walker Boh, and Quickening are searching for Uhl Belk. They here this loud sound. Carisman's all, "Oh! That's the Urda's horn! I'm going to see them!" then Walker Boh's all, "Oh man, I'm just too cool for the Urdas!" and Quickenings all, "Man, if you go see them, they'll be all, "ooooh! we're just too cool for you!" and then Carisman's all, "Well, I'm too cool for you guys, so I'm going to see the Urdas!" and walker and quickening are all, "Well, we're just too cool for you!" So Carisman goes over to the Urdas and he's all, "Man, I was too cool for those guys, so I'm coming back with you now!" and they're all, "ooh, we're just too cool for you!" And when they're about to cut off his head and he says, "man, I'm just too cool for you guys!" and then walker and quickening find his corpse, and they're all, "man we were just too cool for him!"
294
295whatever :-P
296
297 I need in on the action!!
298
299ok, I'll write one about garet jax. Ok, here it is: 

Garet Jax, Jair, and Slanter are climbing up to Heaven's Well, with Jair using the wishsong to cloak them. "We're just too cool for those gnomes and Mord Wraiths to see us..." he sings over and over again. They reach the top, and out steps... the Jachyra! "The Mord Wraiths said that they and I are just too cool for you guys to stop them, so I'm going to kill you!" It says. Garet Jax steps forward and says, "I'm not cool enough to go with you guys to the Heaven's Well, but you guys aren't cool enough to fight the Jachyra, but I am." He begins fighting with the Jachyra. They continuously argue back and forth. "I'm just too cool for you!" "No, I'm just too cool for you!" Slanter says to Jair, "I'm just too cool to watch this, we need to go to the Heaven's Well." So they do, and they help stop the Mord Wraiths and all that stuff, and they come back and find Garet Jax dead, and they say, "Man, he was just too cool for us, beating the Jachyra and all and then dying." And they go home.
300
301not as good as the original, but it's good. ;)
302
303Here's another one! 

Ok, Brin, Allanon, and Rone are walking by the Chard Rush, and they hear this laughter. Then Allanon's all, "something too cool for you two is coming. Only I am cool enough to handle it. Stay back!" And then the Jachyra comes into view. "I'm just too cool for you guys!" it cackles. Allanon begins to fight, searing the coolness-fire at it, but it just says, "im too cool for that fire!" so allanon's all like, "well, you're not too cool for this fire!" and it gets hurt a little bit, and Rone takes the Sword of Leah, and is all, "Allanon might not be cool enough to defeat the jachyra by himself, but with my coolness, we should prevail!" and he drives the Sword of Leah into it's back, and it's all, "I'm just too cool for that sword!" and attacks Rone, and then Allanon's all, "you're not cool enough for this!" and stuffs his hand down the Jachyra's throat and releases the fire, and it dies. Brin runs up to Allanon, and he's all, "I'm not cool enough to live anymore, throw me in the river," and Brin's all, "No, you're too cool to die!" And Allanon's all, "No, you're wrong, and you're too cool to not throw me in the river," so she does, and then goes over to Rone and says, "Man, that Jachyra was too cool for you, i guess we should go find help," so they go off to continue the quest.
304* Lucius watches Hawkeye coming towards him with a basilkos, himself only armed with lightning magic* 

Oh, I like these odds! hehehehehehehehhe!!!!! 

*charges* 

*gets killed from one hit from a critical hit with basilkos from Hawkeye*
305
306 yeah, i pwned you to da bone. Your Lucius can't withstand the might of my Hawkeye!!
307
308c00villiosed!
309
310right.... now, explain to me what that means.....
311
312ok, first we have c00ville, which is a place where there is c00. osed would be the adjective meaning "to be done to" or something like that. so basically, you were c00villed, which is too c00-ify a place so it becomes a c00ville 

I am Daku! I must fulfill my destiny! *hits desk nine times with a pencil* My purpose is finished! *disappears*
313i pay this post as a tribute to the ravings of that one dude on that one river at that one time which helped the Ancient One and The Beloved to cause the coming of the one who would rule them all.
314
315yea, same here.
316
317Ha! You don't even know who the one dude is! Here, i'll scramble it for you! 
Nmir hportpe.
318Time to put up my voodoo-doll-protection fence: ‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡ 
No one can harm me with my voodoo doll now!
319
320of course they can't. i have the doll, and i only hurt others upon request. want me to hurt walker?
321
322hmmm... own his doll to the bone!
323
324*does what morgan asked her to do* 

that was fun! *pulls out a two-ton anvil* should i smash him?
325
326hmmm... sure 
327
328dont be mean guys;-)
329
330and a half?
331
332huh?
333
334i mean, did you mean to say, "Don't be mean and a half, guys ;)"?
335I'm not wet. I feel the illusion of- *stares of into space* - being wet. 
i feel almost wet, but not quite. 
..... 
....... 
cover the operator by going to college and then employing Mr. Carlson to drive to Las Vegas so that he can play pony with sharp objects that are supposed to be used to draw prettiful pictures in the broadway books that like to read notices on the back before opening the package.*stares off into space*
336
337eats cheeeeeeez 
steals cheeeeeez from walker 
eats stolen cheeeeeez 
338
339I DON"T HAVE ANY "CHEEEEEZ"!!!! So, go get your "cheeeeeez" somewhere else!!! 
340
341You may not have cheeeeez, and you may not have cheeeeeeeze, but you DO have cheeeeeez! 

eats cheeeeeez 
steals cheeeeeez from walker 
eats stolen cheeeeeez 
342
343No!! I don't have any cheeeeeez, no matter how many e's you put in the cheez!!!!!! 
344
345Well, you do have ch333333z! 

eats ch333333z 
steals ch333333z from walker 
eats stolen ch333333z 
346
347NO!!! I don't have any type of ch333z, or cheez!!!! I don't have anything that even remotely resembles cheez!!! 
348
349Ha! But you have Queeeeees! 

eats queeeeees 
steals queeeeees from walker 
eats stolen queeeees 
350
351*gives morgan his queeees* 
There. take all the queeeees you want!!! 
352
353But you didn't give me your queiiiiiij! 

Eats queiiiiiij 
steals queiiiiiij from walker 
eats stolen queiiiiiij 
354
355*gives up* 
*gives morgan everything edible he has except for some bread, which he makes steal-proof* HA!
356
357gives walker back all of the cheeeeeez 

eats cheeeeeez 
steals cheeeeeez from walker 
eats stolen cheeeeeez 
358
359*steals eaten cheeeeeez from morgan* 
*eats stolen eaten cheeeeez* 
360
361Ha! I make you undigest it, so it's good as new! 

eats cheeeeeez 
steals cheeeeeez from walker 
eats stolen cheeeeez 
362
363*let's morgan steal his cheese and eat it* 
*doesn't care*
364
365ok, then... 

eats walker's laptoooooop 
steals laptoooooop from walker 
eats stolon laptoooooop
366
367walkerboh01:*makes morgan undigest his laptop* 
*makes his laptop unedible* 
*eats morgan's computer so that it can't be undigested* TAKE THAT!!!
368
369well, when the comp comes out, ill restore it! 

eats walker's copy of Jarka Ruuuuuuus 
steals walker's copy of Jarka Ruuuuuus 
eats stolen walker's copy of Jarka Ruuuuuus 
370
371*buys a new copy of jarka ruus*
372
373eats walker's new copy of jarka ruuuuuuus 
steals walker's new copy of jarka ruuuuuuus 
eats stolen walker's new copy of jarka ruuuuuus 
374Billy the Penguin says: It is a luuuuuuuuuuuunch day!
375
376PENGUINS!!!! WHERE??? Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! 
*runs into closet and sits in the back singing nonsense* 

Lalalalalala hahahahahaha hehehehheeehheee blahblahblah lololololololo nananananananana fafafafafaf dododododo rerererere memememem lalalala sososososo
377
378No, Billy the Penguin is friendly! 

Billy the Penguin says: Hi, what's your luuuuuuuunch now?!!!!!
379
380*sings kareoke with shippou*
381
382Billy the Penguins says: 
Shippous is the luuuuuuuuuunch!
383
384*hands billy the penguin the mic* 

sing us a song or die, penguin boy!
385
386Billy the Penguin sings: 

Oh, stick it to the luuuuuuunch! Stick it to the luuuuuuuuuuuunch!
387
388*pulls out a pistol*
389
390Billy the Penguin says: 
Ha, I just put my luuuuuuuuuunch pistol-proof shield on!
391
392Don't shoot the friendly penguin! NOOOOOO!!! 

*curls up into fetal position and sucks thumb*
393
394*Wimpers* 
*runs away*
395
396AHHHH PENGUIN!! 

*kicks Billy the Penguin into the power generator* 

Ah... thats better.
397
398Billy the Penguin says: 
I just put my luuuuuuuuuunch power-generator-shield on!
399
400Darn you luuuuuuuunch penguin boy! Darn you, DARN YOU!!! 

*throws something at Billy*
401
402He's harmless, you know. He's just a robot I made. See? *holds out a remote control with 1 button on it* when i press that button, he says something. But, he never lies. *presses button* 

Billy the Penguin says: 
Ha ha ha. I have gained artificial intelligence and plan to take over the world and there's nothing you can do to stop me because all of your weapons will have no affect. I have a gun-shield, knife-and-various-other-stabbing-or-beating-devices-shield, and all of the other shields of any weapons you might possess. 

Hmm... this could be trouble...
403
404*steps on Billy* 

Hahaha... freakin penguin overlord.
405
406Yeah...Did you just figure that out now?
407
408Argh! You stepped on Billy!! Wait.... Is that good or bad? I'm so confused........ 

*scratches head, peels banana and eats it while picking nits off of other chimps*
409
410Billy the Penguin says: 
Hahahahahaha, stepping on me is considered a beating weapon, and I was not harmed. 

*pulls out gun* 

Billy the Penguin says: 
Fool, I have the gun protection shield. You cannot do anything with that. 

*shoots Billy the Penguin, watches him blow up* 

He may have been protected from guns, but he never said anything about the bullets! 
411 to If a positive number minus a negative number means that you add, why doesn't a positive number plus a positive number mean that you subtract? 
They're opposites. 
Exactly, therefore they should have opposite results. 
Walker(after a minute's thought): They have to be in the same situation. A positive number minus a negative number is addition and a positive number minus a positive number is subtraction. Opposite results. 
The situation is irrelevant. They should have opposite results regardless. 
Walker(sticking out his hand): If I add another hand to this hand, THEY DON'T DISAPPEAR!! 
Well, you already had them both, you can't count moving them to a new location as adding them. 
Aaaaaargh! 
Morgan(after a couple minutes): You know how when you write out a positive number minus a negative number it looks like this: 2--2? *drawing it out* 
Yeah. 
Well, one of the negative signs could go into a vertical position making +. 
Yeah, I knew that. 
Well, it's the same thing for the positive number plus a positive number. One of the plus signs goes away, and the vertical line for the other disappears making "++" a "-". That's how it works. 
You can't just pick and choose what you want to erase in a mathematical problem! You can only rearrange or simplify it. 
Well, when you change it around you're erasing it and then putting it back in another form! 
Yeah but you don't just erase it and not put it back in! 
Oh yeah! How would you like it if i took one of your hands and simplified it to make a foot, huh? How would you like that?! 
A foot is not a simplified hand! 
Why not? They're both at the outer extremities and have 5 appendages. The hand is more complex, however and is used to do more things. So, how would you like it if i took away your hand and gave you a foot? 
I wouldn't like it. But the equation doesn't have to like it! It makes it more manageable to solve. That analogy isn't a good one. 
It's a perfectly good analogy and i'm using it. 
*Walker and Morgan argue that topic for a few more minutes* 
*Walker asks for a drink from morgan's water bottle. He takes lid off and drinks* 
Foooooooo! Now my water's gonna leeeeeeeeeeak!! Which relates perfectly to my point about a foot being a simplified hand! *holds his hand around the top of the water bottle* See? My hand can stop the leakage, but my foot couldn't do that! 
Agh. If i got a cut in my neck holding my hands around my neck won't do me a lot of good! 
Your head is not a water bottle top! If I shake this water bottle around water droplets fly out. 
If i were to shake my head around blood droplets would fly out too! 
Your head is not a a water bottle! That's not a good analogy. 
It's as good of an analogy as your prior one! 
Nope. My prior analogy was much better and made more sense. 
Walker(throwing up his hands): Fine! None of this will make a positive and a positive mean subtraction! 
No, but i have proved that it should. 
No you haven't! I just don't have a good enough argument at this time to prove you wrong! 
*Walker and Morgan write up conversation for reference* 

This conversation actually did take place at 7:00 A.M this morning.
412If you don't have a brain, your body will just sit there and do absolutely nothing... and you won't be alive, either. Which leads to a philosophical biology question: How did the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz move and talk when he had no brain?
413
414easy. that is simple. people are controling me. so i dont have a brain! tada there is ur reason!:-P
415
416OK in answer to the scarecrow question...He had a brain but he didn't realize that it was his kindness and shyness that prevented him from scaring the crows. Anyway the whole movie was one big pychological Alternate dimension of dorothy's life. Like the lion was a coward because he had to teach her that when his alternate person in real life saved her from the pigs he did it from love and he was afraid for her, showing cowardice, but it was really all a tough guy act from him. 

(Damson you have a brain, you get good grades, and you are way smarter than most of us in our group.)
417
418well, your answers KIND of make sense, but walker and I had another conversation about this topic, and it's too long to bother trying to post it all, but in the end I determined that the editor forced the author to make the scarecrow a marionette, and none of the characters in the story ever knew it. So, basically, this reveals that at the end, when he gets a brain and becomes "real", we learn that The Wizard of Oz is nothing but a secret rip-off of... Pinnochio!
419
420i think not
421
422interesting...
423
424No, it does make sense. 
This one, however is labeled : Deep Philosophical Biology Discussion- at 9:00 P.M 
you see, we were talking about it and i said it was magic and the editor and the author wanted him to be able to move and speak and be sentient. And then Morgan came up with the idea that he was just a marionette, which makes sense. Only the editor knew he was a marionette, however. Anyways, that made it like a dude looking for a way to become sentient, which makes it a Pinnochio ripoff. Except a sideplot in Pinnochio (the part where they're stuck in the whale) is like the main plot in the Wizard of Oz. And vice versa. That way it wouldn't be too obvious. But, the Wizard of Oz is really a Pinnochio ripoff.
425
426Then why's it called the Emerald City?
427
428Because it's green 
429
430and it's made of stone. And because malachite city didn't sound as good. 
431
432House: Is new York city made of Yorks? New ones?
433
434Maybe in the beginning it was... 
435Not neccesarily. Yorks could have inhabited the city and it had been named after them. 
436it's peanut butter jelly time! 
peanut butter jelly time! 
peanut butter jelly time! 
peanut butter jelly time! 

i love the dancing banana! and so does panamon, my blue and silver sparkly teddy bear!
437

ooo i love that song AND the dancing banana... 
peanut butter jelly and a baseball hat 

i havent heard it in so long 

is that even the next verse
438
439I seriously doubt it, considering it mentions Panamon 
440*runs around jumping 438,572,890,347,509,283,745 feet into the air, then realizes that jumping that high means that he's no longer in the air, but in space, and dies*
441
442*mourns morgan's death....uses spell to bring him back....then accidentally kills him again with a spatula*
443
444*bowns the spatula to the ownage* 

*becomes da lunchsta*
445*Turns into his alter-ego PFD-Man!!!!* 

*puts on the costume, which is almost a hundred life-jackets* 

*attempts to fight crime, succeeds in moving about a foot and falling into the water and floating there, unable to escape the lifejackets*
446
447more like straight jacket... ;-)
448
449*waits for a little goblin named Billy-Bob-Joe-Bob to come and destroy the lifejackets* 

*A goblin comes by and tries to help, but Morgan refuses because it's name is just billy-bob-joe-bob*
450
451
452*gets mad because morgan is delirious and his name really is Billy-Bob-Joe-Bob* 
*eats the life jackets* 
*pins morgan to a wall and throws vinegar flavored pixie stix at him using a catapult* 
*makes him write glasses poems until he chugs lunch*
453
454*goes "once upon billy had this toad and then it chugged lunch and became a frog that went meow, but billy bowned it so hard it got owned and the frog went meow and billy got mad and sold it to susie and the frog went meow and susie got mad and sold it to frank and the frog went meow and frank was happy but his mom got mad and frank sold it to jill and the frog went meow and jill's dog thought it was a cat and chased it around and jill sold it back to billy and the frog went meow and billy unbowned it so the frog that went meow went back to being the toad and billy was happy and susie stole it from billy because she was jealous and the toad went "..." and frank's mom stole it from susie and the toad went "..." and frank's mom was happy but jill's dog chased it around and the toad went "..." and then frank's mom gave it to an old polish entrepeneur and the toad went "..." and the entrepeneur sold it to a rich dude for 50 cents and the toad went "..." and the rich dude wanted a frog that went meow so he gave it to billy and billy bowned it so hard it got owned and the frog went meow and billy sold it to the rich dude for 50 cents and bought a raspberry flavored lollipop and ate it and then the frog went meow"
455Dude, Tanequil is awesome, it's all like the one dude who just hate dinner andd appeatred out of a tombstone as a weird thing talks to him and the flashback ends and they go to find hin and the find something else and then weird things duel him and they bet and the doesn't have a chance and they call him a dweeb and the card goes on the left and they battle and the monsters get all killed and it's unstoppable and it calls the haunted and they are immortal and then the music is all loud and these things appear and they duel and thye look all mean and they throw things and there's a candle and her monsters are invincible zombies and he plays the oozy scab and then this thing comes back to life and they kill zombies and it get 1755 plus 10% and he's stronger than the oozy scab and he get s hurt and these people run adn pant through dark places and they didn't take any turns but he's gone then he screams then they run in that direct then they run away and they smash a skull and they open their eyes and they were scared and they have another problem and they don't know which way to go and the guy went down a tunnerl and he's stuck to the floor and he stepped on a switch and they listen and they hear a sound and something's comign this way and it's a giant rock and it's chasing them and they're sorry and they're funning and he falls and he get s run over and they don't look back then this people fightpeople and there's a lot of them and it's not going to work and it's unlimited and they can do real goo the n they choose something and the y plug it in and charizard goes and they can win battles and the poptart genie and he gets a singing lizard and then he wants poptarts and then he should get a big toaster then they get 4 hours of action brougt o you by some people and then it's gray and white and castle like and they go into it and there's monster and colors and they pop out of walls and they're at a table and they run out of doors and they're in a tub and it's colorful outside and then we go upstairs and then downstairs and outside and this dude screams and a shadwow passes and it's adeadend and he fight s the rock and he breaks it and it was a balloon and there was a speaker and they got scared and then they killed a zombie but they come back harder and he hasn't had enough and he has to trust in himself and the cards and he get s a clock and he fought a dinosaure and it might help him because he has nothing to lose and he plays a time wizard and spins the time roulette and it goes all slow and the yvanish into a time warp then he starts losing and now their monsters attack but he stops them and their going to play a pumpkin and it's mean and it;s cool and it eats the monster and gives them power and they get stronger and they're big and he breaths on him and it dies and he breaths on another and it dies and the zombie breath kills it again and he's done for and the gym breaks and charziard and they coo and they power up the deck and the train and they fall down and go down a slide and the brake and it almost falls over and the guy yells and they can make their own TV creation and a waffle with arms and lost of small waffles available for a short time dvd and video the paupe r and barbie and they're just like each other and the cats but it's dumb because their hair isn't even the same color and the prnces own them and they get married and there are 7 songs and bad breath and it dies and the pumpkin looks mean and the guy broke the game and he got forced into the weird game of poker and they're gong to fight and he got hit with a marble and he threw down some chips and he gets mad and he's had it up to here and he lost to a pegasus and a graveyard field and his dreams diiiiiiiie!
456
457Wow, must have taken forever to write that, lol.
458
459<<<<<appreciates the effort of writing all that....but is too lazy to read it all....but i read the first sentence and i agree completely.
460
461Lol, I must admit, I haven't read the entire thing yet, either.
462
463it's a bit too much....if he started it with a few sentences....then posted again later with more of his thoughts, it might not have been too long to read.
464
465Lol, if you read the first sentence, than you read all of it, it's only one sentence ;) 

And I didn't really type it out, it was mostly copied and pasted.
466
467Well that makes sense then.
468
469yep....still too long to read.
470
471Very true, very true.
472
473*wishes ppl would mark spoilers pertaining to the new book*
474
475
476
477Damson, other than the first 4 words, that has absolutely nothing to do with Tanequil 
478
479ahhhh ok. well i wasn't certain so just inn case;) besides alot of people dont mark spoilers;) i was just not taking the chace of it being a spoiler;) sorry. next time i wont assume anything;)
480Hey! 

Oh, guess what, since I'm such a close friend of Terry, he sent me the first draft of Straken, and it's awesome, it's all like the snake shadow and what does he suggest and the beach and a water ski and the people are hapy and not much time is left and there's the water and he's in his turf now and they fit the profile and he got slapped and what is he saying and he never learned spanish and it's so big, yes, very big and do you want to come with us and they go and sunburn they bemused and those are his lucky colors and a bird pooped on her and they ran and she's lying doewn and they're in the shade and she's talking about Mayas and they want lunch and purified water and they love his song and tey're talking in spanish and a crab went in his shorts and he's dancing and they're laughing and he's fat and he got stepped on and he's hurt and they got away! 

As you can see, Straken is the shortest of the High Druid books by far 
481This is a story about diffusion written for my science class. Enjoy! 

Once upon a time there was a boy named Walker. Walker had a very busy schedule, and an obsessive craving for chocolate milk in the morning. Every day, though, when Walker was making his Nesquik chocolate milk, he didn't have enough time to let the powder diffuse and it tasted bad. So Walker went out to find ways to diffuse the powder quicker. He went to the grocery market and told a salesperson his dillemma. The salesperson told him he needed to get a higher concentration of powder in the milk. Walker tried putting more powder in his milk, but it was too chocolatey. Next Walker went to his mother to ask what he should do. 
Walker's mother told him that in order to duffuse the powder faster he should put less milk in, not more powder. Walker tried that the next morning, but the powder didn't diffuse quickly enough. So Walker went to his science teacher for help. His science teacher showed him how quickly it would diffuse when the water is heated to boiling. But, when Walker tried that, his milk was too hot. Finally, Walker got fed up adn got some help classes for his cravign for chocolate milk. He never had chocolate milk again.
482Well, even as we speak, walker is attempting to play zurroball on his laptop, which really doesn't work out, seeing as how the game requires nothing but a mouse and touch pads don't make very reliable mouses. So, he's really, really, really not doing well, and here is a log of what he was saying: "no this is dum, this is dum" "are you typing another post" "i dont like the sound of that laugh" 'no" "you're just puttingt everything i say ihnto a post" "no, quuuiiit it" 'argh! no1 gah! no! no! argh!" "no ahh!" "*kills his keyboard* oops, stupid game *clutches forehead*" "ooh, pwnen" "nice! yes! no! ha! gaaaah!" "fooooo! go uuup!" no! this had better ocunt for points! no! 87clutches forehead* "oh i got a boomerang! 3 points! yes! no! that's 18, not bad""no, no!" "well you can write what im doinjg too" "stupid baaaaal" "clicks it randomlyl, sends it opackinjg, i think im going to quit this game, if i dont get overf 30, ijm just going to quit. Whenever i say somethinglike that, it falls!!!! decideds not to say anythig else like that! time to own it uuup1 *grunts in frustratin* get up there! nyes1 this could be a good score! only a few more to get to 301 no! oh yes,i got exactly 30! (which, by the way, is a pathetic score) no, no! *walker reads it, laughs hystericfally* *morgan threatens to post in general discussions*
483
484duuuuuuude! Zurroball....suuuuuuches! It's the only....waaaaaay!!
485wow. This thread is seriously lacking in anything remotely considered weird. I guess that's what happens when i'm not around. *sigh* 

Well, here we go!! 

Magic and Mara face his impregnable Brotherhood Assassins in teh imperial Tsuruanni. Fierce untested people lead an army of loyal choja against the ancient enemies of Bell Road and Acoma where you have a friend in the diamond business while murder enslaves the courts of spymasters. Now survival must rally her enemy in his realm in a pact of rebel warriors. Tune in next time on THE EMPIRE'S DAUGHTER!!!!
486
487Strange...That just reminded me to go and watch Wolfs Rain again. Thanks!
488
489no problem, that's what i'm here for. 
*sells ice cream to the rumormongers at premium prices* 
I'm so nice... 
*takes the ice cream away* 
...when i'm evil.
490CHICKEN LICKERS UNITE!!!!!!!.....dang it's lonely being the only one.
491
492you're not the only one...
493
494no?....who else?
495
496the lunch oracle is always with us all... ;)
497
498does the lunch oracle lick chickens?
499
500ask it yourself
501
502WELL.....YOU HEARD ME.....DO YOU????
503
504------yeeeeeeeeeees--------- 

Apparently so...
505
506cool.....two out of......how many people are in the world?
507
508the lunch oracle isn't a person.... 
it is a divine omniscient godlike being...
509
510it's a person in my eyes.
511
512so you're delusional?
513Cast: 
Ricky 
Brad 
Linda 
Dad 
Dorinda 

Scene 1: Miss Victory Stage 
At Rise: 
Ricky is on stage. 
The nighstand appears on stage. 
The holiday box appears on stage. 
The scene begins with the lights at full intensity. 

The Scene Begins: 
Ricky: Welcome to the fourth annual international idiot convention 
The sound of Applause Mild is heard. 
Ricky: thank you! To start it off, I would like to make some idiotic announcements 
Ricky: First, I am happy to announce that I have died no less than 10,926 times now, and hope to have added several more before the end of this convention! 
The sound of Applause Strong is heard. 
Ricky: second, the next annual convention will be 35.1928374656574839201924765738 days from now 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
The sound of Ahhhs is heard. 
Ricky: and lastly, one very lucky idiot will win a dudeish like am a being dinner-like breakfast-time lunch-starving genius reversal and idiot reversal kit. 
The sound of Ahhhs is heard. 
The sound of Applause Strong is heard. 
Ricky: next, we will discuss idiotic rights right after I kill myself. 
Ricky: bring in the lion 
The Bennett appears on stage. 
Brad: growl growl growl 
Brad: (Appears on Stage.) 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
Ricky: this is not a lion, which means that this is very idiotic, which is a good thing. 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Brad: growl 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
Ricky: get it off me 
Brad: rip tear gulp 
Ricky: aaaaaa 
Ricky: (Falling.) 
Linda: dudey dog! come here.. 
Linda: (Appears on Stage.) 
The sound of Puppy Barking is heard. 
Ricky: (Moves About the Stage.) 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
Ricky: (Getting up.) 
Ricky: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: there's one folks! only 836,923 more to go! 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: I'm going to take an idiotic break, and I'm sure that all of you will be eager to take one to. 
Ricky: where's the exit? 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
The sound of Laugh Strong is heard. 
Ricky: oh well. I'll just kill myself. 
Ricky: put the virus in! 
Dad: (Appears on Stage.) 
Dad: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Dad: (Agreeing.) 
Dad: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: the virus has been injected, so I expect I'll die soon. 
Ricky: (Falling.) 
Ricky: (Getting up.) 
Ricky: now there's only 836,922 to go 
Ricky: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: (Leaves the set.) 

Scene 2: Miss Victory Stage 
At Rise: 
Ricky is on stage. 
The nighstand appears on stage. 
The holiday box appears on stage. 
The scene begins with the lights at full intensity. 

The Scene Begins: 
Ricky: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: ta-da! 
The sound of Applause Mild is heard. 
Ricky: I am pleased to announce that I have just killed mysel 946.768493 times! 
The sound of Gasp is heard. 
Ricky: just kidding! I have actually just died 946 times! 
Ricky: whcih means only have to kill myself 835,976 more times during this convention 
The sound of Applause Strong is heard. 
Ricky: now the idiotic rights... 
*ahem* 
Ricky: those who put sheep in their pants should get free tickets on airplanes, buses, etc.etc. 
Ricky: at least, as long as they keep the sheep quiet, that is 
Ricky: also, if you go to a bank and rob all the money, then go to jail then break out then get caught again then escape again and then get caught again then escape again then get caught again then escape again the get caught again, you might want to not escape anymore 
Ricky: lastly, if you take those sheep in your pants then put them on your head, you should be able to buy stuff for free, as long as the sheep are trained to be very noisy until you get what you want, and if they can warp themslves and you to where ever you want. 
Ricky: now it's time to play.... "IDIOTIC JEOPOARDY" 
The sound of Applause Mild is heard. 
Ricky: two very lucky idiots will get randomly selected from the world, including this audience, but could be any idiot in the world. 
Ricky: and the two idiots are.... 
Dorinda: (Appears on Stage.) 
Dorinda: dorinda 
Ricky: and.... 
Brad: brad 
Ricky: brad, you go first. 
pick a category 
Brad: I'll take "having to go potty" for 100 
Ricky: on the "Gilford's Grannies" game show, who kept complaining about having to go potty? 
Brad: me! 
Ricky: wrong! his name was Brad! 
Brad: that's what I mean! 
Ricky: well, that's not what you said, so $100 goes too... Dorinda! 
Brad: but I'm Brad! 
Ricky: but the answer on the card doesn't have the word "me" on it, it has the word "Brad!" 
Brad: that's idiotic! 
Ricky: this is the idiot convention, what did you expect? 
Brad: I thought this was real jeopoardy, not idiot convention jepoardy! 
one minute I was doing a problem on the board in class, next I'm here playing idiot convention jepoardy! 
Ricky: then you must be an idiot then! 
Brad: I know 
Ricky: anyway, Dorinda, what category? 
Dorinda: I'll take "being in school when yourteacher announces 'hello, class. today, I'm going to kill you all!'" 
Ricky: how much money? 
Dorinda: oh... for 200 
Ricky: who was all in the room, including you, when the teacher announced that she was going to kill you all? 
Dorinda: Me, Linda, Susan, Miss Campbell, Emily, and Molly. 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: correct! 
Brad: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Brad: what???!!!!!!! but she said "me" instead of "Dorinda"!!!!! 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: well, what she said is what's written on this card, so Dorind has $300 now 
The sound of Applause Mild is heard. 
Ricky: what category, Brad? 
Brad: I'll take "outer planets" for 500 
The sound of Idea is heard. 
Ricky: you've found the daily double! 
The sound of Applause Mild is heard. 
Ricky: we'll do the daily double right after these messages 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: oh yeah... on... the idiot convention jepoardy, with your host, and leader of the idiot convention... Ricky! 
The sound of Applause Mild is heard. 

Scene 3: Miss Victory Stage 
At Rise: 
Ricky is on stage. 
Brad is on stage. 
Dorinda is on stage. 
The nighstand appears on stage. 
The holiday box appears on stage. 
The scene begins with the lights at full intensity. 

The Scene Begins: 
Ricky: we're back!no applause please! 
Ricky: now, what planet is the farthest away from the sun right now? 
Brad: ummmmm...... uhhhh....... Neptune? 
Ricky: Correct! 
Dorinda: WHAT??????? everyone knows that PLUTO is the frathest, but definitely not NEPTUNE!!!! 
(Angry.) 
Ricky: Actually, Neptune's and Pluto's orbits cross. right now, Pluto is closer in then Neptune. 
Dorinda: I'm not playing anymore! 
Dorinda: (Moves About the Stage.) 
The sound of Stomping Feet is heard. 
Ricky: drop the catterpillar! 
Dorinda: aaaaaaaaa 
Dorinda: (Falling.) 
Ricky: thank you! I would appreciate you dropping one on me and putting Brad back in his class with his and Dorinda's money, because she forfeited. 
Ricky: (Standing up.) 
Ricky: (Falling.) 
Brad: (Leaves the set.) 
Ricky: (Getting up.) 
Ricky: wait Brad! 
Brad: what? 
Brad: (Appears on Stage.) 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: you forgot your dudeish like am a being dinner-like breakfast-time lunch-starving genius reversal and idiot reversal kit. 
Brad: oh 
Ricky: here 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The holiday box moves about the stage. 
Brad: thank you! 
The holiday box leaves the set. 
Brad: (Leaves the set.) 
Ricky: the idiot convention is now over, but unfortunately I did not kill myself enough, so if you all killed me at once it would count as many as there is of you, and would get exactly my total, if the guard told me correctly. 
The sound of Ahhhs is heard. 
Ricky: aaaaaa! 
Ricky: (Falling.)
514
515^^^^^ i love the part about the sheep in the pants;)
516Now I will post the first part in a 3-part epic... get ready for The Evil Transformation Part 1: 

Cast: 
Molly (in pajamas) 
Ricky 
Dorinda 
Brad 
Dad 
Jill 

Scene 1: Basement 
At Rise: 
Molly (in pajamas) is on stage. 
Ricky is on stage. 
The chair appears on stage. 
The nighstand appears on stage. 
The table appears on stage. 
The chair appears on stage. 
The Bennett appears on stage. 
The doll appears on stage. 
The balloon appears on stage. 
The school books appear on stage. 
The scene begins with the lights at full intensity. 

The Scene Begins: 
Molly (in pajamas): (Moves About the Stage.) 
Molly (in pajamas): yawn... I have to get my school books. 

(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: any second now... heh heh heh... 
Molly (in pajamas): I see you hiding Ricky, just come out. 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: darn! 
Ricky: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: I guess I have to go get ready for school now. 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
The sound of Door Opening is heard. 
Ricky: (Leaves the set.) 
Molly (in pajamas): what was that? 
The table moves about the stage. 
The table moves about the stage. 
The table moves about the stage. 
The table moves about the stage. 
Molly (in pajamas): aaaaaaahhhh! 
(Moves About the Stage.) 
The table moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
Molly (in pajamas): the room is haunted!! 
aaaahhhh! 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The table moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
Dorinda: ha ha... she got scared. Now we can make our ultimate transormation, right partner? 
Molly (in pajamas): (Leaves the set.) 
Dorinda: (Appears on Stage.) 
Brad: (Appears on Stage.) 
Brad: yes. lets do it! 
Dorinda: OK, heh heh heh... 
Dorinda: I now call... 
Brad: the powers of transormation! 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The nighstand moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The chair moves about the stage. 
The doll moves about the stage. 
Dorinda: ha ha... I'm floating! 
The doll moves about the stage. 
Dorinda: the transformation is working 
The doll moves about the stage. 
The doll moves about the stage. 
The doll moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
Brad: me to 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The Bennett moves about the stage. 
The balloon moves about the stage. 
Dad: the transformation is complete, and it's a nice new voice we, I, have! 
Dad: (Appears on Stage.) 
Dad: Now it's time to take over the world! ha ha ha ha! 
Dad: Now I use my powers to transport myself wherever I want 
Dad: To... the middle of New York City!! 
Dad: ha ha ha ha 
The chair leaves the set. 
The nighstand leaves the set. 
The table leaves the set. 
The chair leaves the set. 
The Bennett leaves the set. 
The doll leaves the set. 
The balloon leaves the set. 
Jill: (Appears on Stage.) 
Jill: To be Continued...
517
518Ladies and Gentlemen, it's now here! 

Yes, that's right, the moment you've all been waiting for! You've been chewing those anticipations and shivering in nails, and now it's finally here! Yes, part two of The Evil Transformation, the 3-part epic, is here! 

Cast: 
Brad 
Dad 
Jill 
Mom 
Ricky 
Dorinda 
Emily 
Linda 
Miss Campbell 
Mrs. Gilford 
Susan 
Molly (in Meet dress) 

Scene 1: Molly's House 
At Rise: 
Brad is on stage. 
Dad is on stage. 
Jill is on stage. 
Mom is on stage. 
Ricky is on stage. 
Dorinda is on stage. 
Emily is on stage. 
Linda is on stage. 
Miss Campbell is on stage. 
Mrs. Gilford is on stage. 
Susan is on stage. 
Molly (in Meet dress) is on stage. 
The table appears on stage. 
The nighstand appears on stage. 
The chair appears on stage. 
The chair appears on stage. 
The doll appears on stage. 
The Bennett appears on stage. 
The balloon appears on stage. 
The scene begins with the lights at full intensity. 

The Scene Begins: 
Molly (in Meet dress): Aaaaaaaaaahh! Run for your lives! 
Dorinda: huh? 
Emily: What? 
Dorinda: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Molly (in Meet dress): (Moves About the Stage.) 
Linda: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Dad: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Miss Campbell: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Mrs. Gilford: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Susan: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Jill: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Mom: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Molly (in Meet dress): (Leaves the set.) 
Ricky: don't worry, i will save you 
Dad: (Leaves the set.) 
Ricky: (Moves About the Stage.) 
Ricky: aaaaah! 
(Falling.) 
Mom: die, everyone else to! 
Emily: (Falling.) 
Brad: (Falling.) 
Dorinda: (Falling.) 
Narrator: what will happen to everyone else? what will happen to the world? find out next time!!
519
520ummm....don't quit your day job, play writing isn't your stong point 
521
522Actually, I didn't write these, I made them with a computer program. It has you do all the actions and stuff, and I just take the auto-generated script and paste it here ;) 
The main thing I aim for in them is complete and utter nonsense.
523
524
525
526
527wow, it's been awhile since i made it on here. Been a bit busy lately. 
But in the name of morgan, who can't be here monday thru thursday, i say: 
The Red Jaguna Assassins that were dear to the hive of the loyal choja in the lands of Bell Road and Acoma where the Black Robes seek ancient vengeance on the friends in the diamond business, while Mara shoved her throat down the nostrils of heaven.
528Ok then. 

*takes some 3rd graders on a field trip to the Arctic*
529
530good for you, mate....lick'em while they're young.
531
532Now for the survival portion of the trip.... 

*throws them into a crevice* 

Ok kids, your job is to get out and get back to camp! 

*Goes back to camp* 

*moves the camp 10 miles north* 

eheheheheheheheheheh.....
533You know, the funniest thing happened yesterday. 

I rescued a hopping egg with multicolored spots on it from a hot dog stand, and it hatched after I was defeated by the iron clefts, and it was a yoshi, so I called it Pwnager, and then I had it swallow the iron clefts so I won, then went on to find a bandit and a guy in a yellow shell crushed under a block with eyes, then I fought this giant orange monster that used to be a small blue guy that called me Gonzales, then he died and this guy came out and was all small and this other guy came and gave me an orange star and then I took off in a fish blimp that I got from the Mafia.
534
535wha??
536
537Look, just because you're jealous that you didn't get to see the guy running the hot dog stand...
538
539*makes a fruitcake out of vegetables*
540
541It must be Alol, the sad fruitcake.
542(posted)
543*knows qhat is going on which is wierd cause <<< never knows what is goinf one. hw is it <<, know what is going one but other dont know. if i know something others know is that odd? if nobody know what pinnoicchi knows then does pinnochioes nose know?
544
545wow That's more misspelled words in one place then i have ever seen...
546If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, then how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if she sold seashells by the seashore?
547
548wow thats like 2 in one....
549
550Q: how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 
A: A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood. 

Q: if peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled pepper did peter piper pick? 
A: duh....a peck! 

She sells seashells by the seashore, but HE hocks hamhocks by the hazy docks
551
552No, the answer to my question is: If she sold seashells by the seashore, then the wood chuck chucked however much wood a wood chuck would chuck if peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
553All 
Bears 
Calculate 
dogs 
every 
five 
gilometers. 

have 
I 
joked 
kerry 
lost 
my 
nose? 

open 
pears 
quills 
round 
september. 

those 
undergo 
very 
wierd 
xlaphones 
yearly 
zerconium!
554the seasoned potato wedges will kill you all!
555
556It's the potato blight version 2.0!
557
558oh, dear galaphile, the papayas!! i'd forgotten all about the papayas! the papayas will protect us!
559
560No! They'll betray us, I'm sure of it!
561
562betray us not, the papayas will. 
563
564The potatoes may offer a substantial bribe...
565
566but we could call in the sour cream and chives....
567
568And they'll satiate the... saaaaalamanders!
569*has rainbow sand*
570
571that could come in handy
572*wanders through with donkey*
573
574I think the donkey is getting tired.
575
576nope....he's just getting started.
577
578I sure hope not.
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620
And now from an excerpt from a 96-hour documentary on mummies. 

"It is very hot. First I walked over a dune, and then another dune, and then another dune, and then another dune. Then, I cut out my tongue. It is my turn to tell stories at the campfire tonight; it will be difficult without my tongue...There is sand, sand, and more sand, and more sand, and more sand, and a lot of sand..."
621
622Lol, Ok....feeling alright Morgan?
623
624huh? this is him on a normal day;)
625
626no, that's not abstract enough to be normal...
627*finds a diner* 

*orders the diner from the diner's menu* 

*throws the diner out of its own window because it's undercooked*
628
629*Quickly learns the difference between Diner and Dinner.*
630QUESO DIP???? 
*freaks out at mention of queso dip and charges like a bull at anything green*
631
632*throws green queso dip into shaz's eyes*
633
634*keeps charging around the room until his sweat removes the green queso dip* 

*plops on chair in corner and starts banging head against wall*
635
636*Stands between shaz's head and the wall*
637
638*sits down to dinner*
639
640*grabs a spoon*
641
642*wonders what dinner is*
643
644*tells Damson its broccoli and cheddar soup*
645
646*licks lips*
647
648*places bowl on table*
649
650*nails the bowl upside down onto the ceiling*
651
652*tells Morgan that wasn't cool*
653
654*luckily transfered the bowls contents into another bowl*
655
656*shoves a whole grapefruit into a ballpoint pen's ink cartridge*
657
658*squirts the grapefruit into silver's eyes*
659
660*eats grapefruit from Silver's eye sockets* 
*injects walker with helium and watches him float away*
661
662*flies into the air without helium* 

*takes a needle and pops walker with it*
663
664*watches walker fall*
665
666*shoots himself out of a cannon and knocks morgan out of the air*
667
668*finds a piece of burrito in the air* 

*leaps to grab it and makes walker miss*
669
670*swings around and knocks the burrito into morgan's eyes*
671
672*had already shoved it up his nose*
673
674*knocks it out of morgan's nose and into his eyes*
675
676*absorbs it into his eyes* 

*becomes super-dragon* 

*battles to rid the world of all that is silky and made of stardust*
677
678*throws silky stardust around the room*
679
680*rids the world of it* 

*suddenly turns into a giant black pillar with a black sphere on it with a bright orange indentation in it that has tentacles coming out of it and attacking people*
681
682great
683
684*realizes that the sims were jealous* 

*throws a few percent signs into the dark pit of 600 sq. ft. rooms*
685
686hologramography
687Woohoo! 

Well, first, I'll need headphones, then I'll need 5 used cassette tapes, then I bake them in the oven for 6 1/2 minutes at 425 degrees celsius...
688
689and i need a printing press, a credit card, and some illegal documents making tutoring
690
691No, you just need an ant.
692
693that would help 
but i can do it without the ant
694
695nope
696here's an awesome skit me and a friend made for a German class. This is the English translation, and yes we were able to do it in German. 

Gunter’s Day Off 
Hanz is in a restaurant. Gunter is not in a restaurant. But Franz is with Hanz. 
Hanz: What are you ordering Franz? 
Franz: I want Bratwurst. And you? 
Hanz: Pretzel. Naturally! Waiter, come here now or else. 
Waiter: What would you like to drink? 
Franz: Give me gasoline! 
Waiter: I have no gasoline for you. 
Franz: I want gasoline! Bring Gasoline now! 
Waiter: Ok. I don’t think it’s good that you drink gasoline. What do you want to drink Hans? 
Hanz: I want lighter fluid. Don’t argue! 
Waiter: You’re very weird. What would you like to eat? 
Franz: I want Bratwurst… and a napalm bomb! 
Hanz: And a pretzel. 
Franz: Yeah. 
Waiter: Are you terrorists? 
Franz and Hanz: No! 
Waiter: Ok, I believe you. My name is Dieter. 
Franz: Thank you Dieter. 
Hanz and Franz get their food and stuff. 
Hanz: My pretzel tastes good! 
Franz: Let’s go blow up the city! 
Hanz: Ok! 
Dieter: Have a nice day! 
Franz: Look! There is a man riding a bike with tennis ball spokes. He is wearing a cowboy hat. 
Will Gunter save the day? Who cares? 
-End-
697
698Those guys are four of the 41 Systematic Underage... Maaaaaaaaaaailmen!
699
700i'm sure!
701
702As sure as the 41 Silly Umbrella.... Manufaaaaaaaaaaaaaacturers!
703
704argh, go away
705
706Like the time you sent away the 41 Summoned Uncle Monkeys?
707
708and then you got owned by 41 striped unhealthy milkshakes?
709
710*has no idea what is going on* 

nice skit, though.
711So... has anyone ever rubbed their hands together rapidly when they were sweaty and put those little black bits of dried sweat from the friction in a sandwich?
712Have you seen a speaker lately? I've heard they're all the rage down in Lesotho.
713
714
715*hasn't been to Lesotho* 
*doesn't plan on going "agkberghjavoi;fghjk" anytime soon*
716
717*doubts it* 

*doesn't find a cheeseburger* 

*eats one anyways*
718Karaoke with Walker and Morgan! 
Give me the tuttimoooooooohney! 


The tree’s on fire 
Who knows why? 
It doesn’t really matter how hard they try 
No one can even reach the cat in time 
It’s a hopeless pursuit 
So juuuust giiiive up. 

The guy who lit the match is 
A moron for even bringing his cat 
To the top of a mountain at all 
The cat is sure to die. 
Stupid fooool. 

He tried to start smoking 
He died almost immediately 
The cat had just 
Started climbing the tree 
Now it is stuck there indefinitely 

Will someone come save it? 
Maybe the firemen will, but I don’t think so. 
What he meant to it is soon to be 
A memory, because 


The cat is stuck up in the treeeee 
And it will die of asphyxiation 
The firemen will surely tryyyy 
But in the end the cat will die anywaaaaays! 

On fire 
Who knows why? 
It doesn’t really matter how hard they try 
No one can even reach the cat in time 
It’s a hopeless pursuit 
So juuuust giiiive up. 

In spite of belief to the contrary 
The firemen cannot possibly 
Make it up to the poor cat in time 
It’s the end of the line 
For the caaaaat! 

Things aren’t the way they were before 
The cat won’t be alive for much longer. 
Not that it ever truly was 
But all things are meant to die 
In the eeeeeend 

Will someone come save it? 
Maybe the firemen will, but I don’t think so. 
What he meant to it is soon to be 
A memory, because 

The cat is stuck up in the treeeee 
And it will die of asphyxiation 
The firemen will surely tryyyy 
But in the end the cat will die anywaaaaays! 

The firemen men aren't trained 
And thus the cat's stuck in the tree 
I tell you this 
Because it makes no seeeeense. 

The firemen men aren't trained 
And thus the cat's stuck in the tree 
I tell you this 
Because it makes no seeeeense 

The cat is stuck up in the treeeee 
And it will die of asphyxiation. 
The firemen will surely tryyyy 
But in the end the cat will die anywaaaaays! 

Thank you, thank you. 

*sings dum rap song* 

Mooooooooohney! 

Walker and 

Walking on streets through DC 
On the East Coast where i live 
Say, wass yo PROOOOOOOOOOOOOBLUUUM?! 

This has been karaoke with-- 
Morgan The mohneeeeeeeey!
719I had sea monkeys once.... they didnt' live too long though :-(
720
721thus they didn't die too short?
722Morgan Leah Card is a master storyteller... this is a novel to savor.
723
724i highly doubt anyone will be eating it f00
725
726At once deeply realistic and shot through with curious magics... Morgan's new look at a classic tale is clever...richly detailed and engagingly peopled... breathe a long sigh of relief, for at last, the wait is over. Morgan Leah Card's Mohney!!! takes us beyond the curtain of the cursive scrawl of 'The End' that normaly bars our way, past the famous folklore kisses, past everything we've come to know of classic folktales, and on into a realm that will open your tear ducts even as it opens your eyes... Mohney!!! is so much more than merely that ancient tale with a modern twist... Morgan's prose is a model of narrative clarity; the author never says more than is needed or arbitrarily withholds information, yet even a simple declarative sentence carries a delicious hint of further revelation.
727
728well the real author you're talking about is Orson Scott Card...
729
730A quirkily poetic vision... peopled with the kind of characters usually found in a John Irving novel... this book is an achievement that demonstrates Morgan is well on his way to taking a place among the first rank of American novelists... refreshing natural lunacy. Morgan is a true American original, and this is his finest book to date!
731
732Possibly Douglas Adams...
733
734An utterly charming book... Morgan populates his tale with a crew of memorable of memorably real eccentrics... Morgan allows us to see the mundane world through new eyes, to perceive the familiar as strange and therefore fascinating!
735
736OK! That's enough!!
737
738Utterly amazing novel... there is not enough that can be said about this book, so it is not enough. It grips from the copyright page to the 23rd-to-last word of the 14th chapter. After that, it casts an utter hypnotic spell right up until the page with the rectangular white thick tag on it on the inside back cover.
739
740Okay, i know you changed that one around a little...
741
742I wrote it completely from scratch 
743Why thank you, Murphy! They ARE nice eyebrows!
744
745gaghaha!
746
747What's that? A thief! Despicable! Well, come on! I'll give you such a poke! What's that, you say? Not a thief? Oh, Murphy! Nice to see you!
748"A string walks into a bar." 
"I already heard this joke." 
"No, i was just telling you, a string walked into a bar." 
"Argh." 
"And then it died with one of those string-curse killer thingies." 
"What?" 
"You know, the string curse killer thingie. So the string tries again, through the window." 
"Isn't the string dead?" 
"Forget about that. So the string tries again-" 
"Tries again? When did it try the first time?" 
No don't forget that. Just forget about it dying. 
Ok. 
So anyways, the string goes through the window instead of the door. And it makes it! But the chairs all have string-curse killer thingies on them too. So the string dies again. 
When did the string die in the first place? 
Several thousand years ago. It was reincarnated, you know. So then the string winds itself...about a railroad track...and drags it to its house...and then the train comes and knocks its house over. 
So the dead, reincarnated and dead again string wound itself around a railroad track, dragged it to its house that a string isn't even supposed to have, and the train knocked over the house? 
That's about it, yes. 

Conversation between Walker and Morgan on the busride home.
749well i think that in reality seams don't exist in a theological sense.
750
751Well, I think that in illusions reality is nothing but a large amount of handkerchiefs trying to find their way back to some pickles by writing a Hamlet script for a bunch of purple monkeys in cubicles that don't do the opposite of not anti-playing tag with an anvil tangent to the Whole General Sort of Mish-Mash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
752
753and that is how eggs are scrambled in the neighborhood Albertson's car dealership manager's brother's son's nephew's niece's great-great grandmother's cat's mother's previous owner's grand uncle's basement.
754
755*cocks head in confusion* 

aaghh... i'm so cornfused
756
757hehehe......get used to it......once walker and morgan get going, there's no understanding them......unless you visit their little world....i took a vacation there once.....it was quite fun....the little purple creatures tasted a bit funny, but they were worth the money.
758"How big do you want your sandwich? Mohney? We don't have mohney sir...You want a sandwich that has mohney with mohney on it? Is this some kind of joke?"
759
760Mohney? 

Tell me... what is this mohney of which you speak?
761
762that, my friend, is a state secret.
763
764Ooohhhh... Aaahhhh... 

...great.
765
766oh, you're supposed to ask which state ;)
767
768ok... is it Arizona?
769
770no, it's not really a state, it's an organization. But organization secret sounds dum.
771
772ummm... now i'm just cornfused again.
773Opulence is the key to riches in this world. But there is also a world where one may attain divine riches by being too cool for this. In that world, by being absurdly cool, one gains prestige and honor above all other. In that aspect of this particular world's existence, all beings strive to be cooler than everyone else. But it is all in vain, because there was a dictator of sheer pwnaging cool. Its name was... Mohney. It had the power to do things that would have been very... powerful. Instead it opened an ice cream shop called "Ice Cream Is Me", which went out of business 30 minutes after it opened. Thus was the fall of Mohney and the whole planet resounded with it (he was a pretty portly guy, don't ya know?). Immediately after the ringing had died down, a usurper by the name of Mohnie took the throne of the fallen king. Despite his overpowering desire to go into the dairy delectables business, Mohnie realized taht he was too cool for ice cream. With this realization came another, better realization. He was just too cool for ice cream and he liked scrambled eggs. After he had put two and two together and gotten four, he decided that he should marry a scrambled egg. His royal court didn't approve ( after all who likes being ranked socially lower than an egg, and a scrambled one at that?). But Mohnie didn't really care because his name was Mohnie and he was cooler than them. But at the last minute before the wedding, a fat boeh got hungry and ate the scrambled egg. So the fat boeh became the leader of a rebel army dedicated to destroying all life that was resembled to eggs, even if it was already dead. So the fat boeh, all puffed up with his own importance and fat, waged a five minute war against Mohnie's regime...
774
775More to come later 
776
777his name's william Turner. that's all i found out
778
779Part 2 

Out of a puddle of melting chocolate roses walked a kite making kit that gave off the most terribleist sense of lingering pinesol of anything that ever ran a mile in under 4,000,000 hours. In a fit of abject confusion and patriotic duty, Mohnie and Jack emptied their reservoirs of two day old oregano bread into the kite making kit’s gaping corpulence. This pushed the kite making kit over the worst of its fear of glow in the dark black jellybeans, so it thanked Jack and Mohnie, and gave them both an invitation to a recital of the dictionary at the local skyscraper. Jack and Mohnie made a noise resembling a hunchbacked quail roasting over an open fire at midnight on April 3 in the year –1/2. The kite making kit took this as “Twinkle twinkle little star” so it walked away and went on with its day forever. 

As soon as the kite making kit went out of touch, Mohnie ordered the soldier who had let the chocolate bar melt to come. The soldier, shivering with the fear of 1000 deer standing in front of a cold fire, quickly did a double kick flip on Mohnie’s nose and ran away. But Mohnie ordered his legions of back scratchers to attack, and the soldier was so busy having his back scratched that he let Mohnie flail him with a moldy tictac as punishment. 

In spite of their recent trauma, both Jack and Mohnie signed an agreement to create a friendship between them. In a short a time as it takes you to read invisible text, they were best friends forever. But all ships leak, and Jack and Mohnie’s was no exception. Soon their ship of friends was leaking pineapples and key shavings wherever it went. So Jack, upon realizing that he was no longer a kitchen helper self destructed into the blackness of an abyss that no longer exists, and that was that. 

So Mohnie tortured a fried chicken leg with questions about why it didn’t realize that it wasn’t answering him and dropped the matter. Unfortunately, the matter was very fragile and it broke when he dropped it. So Mohnie called in a clean up crew to take care of the shards of matter all over the floor, but the crew got lost in the maze of toilet paper rolls that descended upon Mohnie at that moment. With a splutter of terrifyingly absent minded gibbering, Mohnie was whisked away to the castle of his great-great grandniece, who just happened to be the king of the colonial empires of baseball. Unfortunately enough for Mohnie, he never got to meet his great-great grandniece, because she had died in a car accident 20 years in never. So now Mohnie was faced with a great and mysterious question: To do or not to eat this taco? 

More to come later, for all who took the time to read my story. 
780
781*promises she'll read it tomorrow AM when she isn't drinking beer* 

Hi Walker! :-)
782
783Actually, it'd probably be better to read it while you're drunk 
784
785Ok, fine, I read through part 1 before my attention span ran away.
786
787Ya it was a better read when I was drunk. :-p
788comon little baby please go ahread and cry. 
or i'm think i'm just going to die 
if you dont hurry and wet those eyes 
i'm gonna cover you in in honey and let loose millions of flies 
and if those fliees dont bite really hard 
i'll never ever again send you a birthday card 
and if you dont care at all for that 
i'll just hit you in the head with a baseball bat 
and if that baseball bat wont make you cry 
i hope that instead it will make you die. 



the end! 



what do you think of that nursery ryhme? i already know it's lgonna be a great hit!;)
789
790Plagiarizer! I already made that nursery rhyme! I saw it in a dream!
791
792liar! dont try to steal my nursery rhyme! or you will be the baby in the song!
793walkerboh01:
794So anyways, the other day or so i was walking down the street, right? and i saw this guy sitting on the sidewalk, right? So i pulled over and said, "hey guy sitting on the sidewalk, you're the weakest link." And the guy just looked at me, right, and he says, you know what, you know what he said? he said "no, i'm just a secret service agent for McDonalds." So i asked him, and this is the clever bit, i asked him,"A chicken or a pig?!" He was so startled he chortled in misaligned havoc until his pet sparrow came along and set him on fire with a toothbrush. I felt kind of sorry for the pants the guy was wearing, they were blue...
795
796Once upon a time... 

Wait, that's no good, that hasn't been used like an Archimedian Screw yet. Let me try that again... 

Twice upon a midnight dreary... 

Wait, that has too many possibilities of misinterpretation. We can't have any heretics screaming about invading cupholders. One more try... 

The bottle of lipstick peered out into the thick fog. Pea soup, it called it. It tried a bit. It tasted like overcooked sausage, just like it expected. Of course, what it DIDN'T realize, was that somebody had secretly injected aliens into it. The aliens in question weren't from croutons, but had a strong sense of allegiance to the Hungarians regardless. By the time the lipstick realized what happened, it still had time to call the King of Tonga and arrange a trip to the Mammoth Caves, in Kentucky. He didn't do so, however, because the aliens were too tired and wanted to make their wills. The lipstick relented, and found an album of techno music inside a large grandfather clock. As it began to play it, it spurted out copious amounts of oil and began to shriek. Realizing the imminent danger, the aliens told it that France wasn't about to sink into the ocean. Instead of stopping, however, the album turned into a large dragon, which promptly proceeded to not cause destruction and havoc. 

To be continued...
797
798of course now morgan, you do realizle that the said bottle of lipstick is really a corkscrew with a mission in disguise, right?
799
800er....right....anyways, bonjour, Silver....ca va?
801
802oui, ca va, et toi? 

quel temps fait-il, parce que il fait tres beau ici.
803
804french is for people with curly mustaches and spears drilled through their bathtubs
805*rubs eyes in pain*
806
807*rubs pain in eyes*
808
809*licks morgan*
810
811*flinches at thought of what Khimber just said she did*
812
813*wonders if morgan tastes like chicken*
814
815*tastes like minty garlic potatoes, with a hint of vanilla*
816
817*thinks she now wants to lick morgan* http://bestsmileys.com/licking/1.gif
818
819Morgan tastes good...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
820(Cut to flashback of Scarblade in his younger days at a party...) 

Oh, boy! A white sheet! This will be the perfect ghost costume for Pirateween! *struggles to get sheet on* Perfect! Now all I need are some eyeholes and- 

(A scream of horror emits from the crowd.) 

Random person: OMG, it's a GHOST! 

Oooh, I'm a ghost! BOOOOOO!!! *more screams* BOOOOOOO!!! RAWR! 

(Cries of "OMG, it's a ghost" and "he stole my wallet" are heard.) 

Scarblade's Dad: All right everyone, calm down! There's no need to panic- OMMMGEEEE, THE THING IS EATING MY LEG!!! 

(Scarblade is eating a bag of chips under his sheet, while standing next to his father's leg.) 

SB's Dad: RUN FOR YOUR WORTHLESS LIVES!!! 

(The crowd turns into a frenzy.) 

BOOO!!! BOOO- *trips over stool* Ow. -OOOO!!! RAWR ROWR!!! 

(Admist the chaos, Scarblade smells something delicious.) 

*sniff* Mmmm, Fruit Salad. My favorite! No one will notice me sneaking towards it! 

(Young Scarblade carefully makes his way to the bowl of Fruit Salad and promptly helps himself.) 

Scarblade's Mom: Rodger, quick! He's going for the Fruit Salad! 

SB's Dad: I'll stop him! I made a promise to protect that Salad... 

(SB's Dad grabs the Fruit Salad bowl, but Scarblade keeps a firm deathgrip on the bowl.) 

SB's Dad: UGH! He's...not letting...go!!! Go on, save yourself! 

SB's Mom: Rodger, hurry! Forget the Salad! 

SB's Dad: NO! I will die like a man! Give me the Fruit Salad, or give me DEATH!!! 

(Cut back to reality.)
821
822fire! hi! *hugs fire* i haven't seen you in forever, what's up?
823
824um.....the sky....the stars, sun, moon....the ceiling.....airplanes....other galaxies.....helichopters....hot air balloons.....people on the floor above other people.
825Someone might be too obsessed with cheesebread........................................ 

On the other hand... 

^o- \0/ -o^ 
±±±±±±±±±±±
826No, you idiot. Not why we exist. Why we're HERE! Out in the middle of nowhere guarding a bunch of tattered misfits who can't even escape from a jail cell, which by the way I left the key INSIDE their cell!
827
828How does the guy know that they're in the MIDDLE of nowhere? What if he's somewhere near the edge of it?
829
830The fact that he can never seem to get anywhere but nowhere has frusturated him to the point of generalization.
831
832*tells the guy to be more careful about his location*
833I saw this happen for real one time... 

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_2_24.gif
834
835You saw a yellow sphere with a face on it pee on another with the word "censored" covering it from a second story window while the one on the ground pulls an umbrella out from nowhere?
836midnightshadowz: stop harry pottering me
837
838who is Harry Potter????
839
840midnightshadowz: the son of a hairy potter
841
842but not to be mistaken for Hoary Pooter.....that guys nothing but a punk.....he ate my monkey's left pinky toe......and i was saving that for a rainy day.
843
844wait! isn't he the guy that crashed that really famous boat in 1912?
845
846naw....that was Al "Iceberg" Potter
847And now, here he is, the amazing Stretch-o himself! 

*many cheerings, throwing of popcorn at nearby fighter jets* 

Stretch-o: This is Stretch-o, with the 6:15 news! Word on the street has it that a severe lack of dynamite wallabies has inflicted madness on the surrounding planets! That's all for now, folks, and always remember... keep those pants on backwards!
848Ok. This is it. Let's, for a moment imagine there is a great, circular plain with all the words that exist. All of the words are placed based on ALL of their similarities and differences to all the other words. So at a not so random place on this great plain is the word "house". Now, at a space far away from "house" is the word "swamp", and they are considered mostly opposite. At a spot opposite from both "house" and "swamp" is the word "desert". These three words form a triangle of oppositeness. Now then, let's imagine there is a line connecting "house" to "desert" and "swamp", another line connecting "swamp" to "house" and "desert", and another line connecting "desert" to "house" and "swamp". Now then, let's examine the line from "house" to "swamp". On the line there is an area called "more house" and an area called "less swamp", which is the opposite of "more house". However, since the two opposites in "less swamp" cancel them out, it basically means "more house". Now then, the area on the line between "house" and "swamp" contains these two areas, and the space "more house" is everything more on the "house" side of the line. "Less swamp" covers the same area, but it also covers an area on the "swamp"-"desert" line. The "less swamp" area on the "swamp"-"desert" line is everything mroe on the "desert" side of the line. So, although "more house" and "less swamp" are the same thing on the "house"-"swamp" line, they cover different areas of the triangle overall. 
Picture: *ignore periods* 

GREAT, CIRCULAR PLAIN 

House...............Opposites................Desert 
...O___________________________________O 
......\_................................................._/ 
.........\_.........................................._/ 
.............\_.................................._/ 
.................\_.........................._/-Opposites 
.....................\_.................._/ 
..Opposites..........\_.........._/ 
.............................\_.._/ 
................................O 
............................Swamp 

That is it.
849
850No, no, no, you've got it all wrong. The "plain," first of all, was meant as "plane," as in the mathematical sense of it as a 2D object with infinite length and width, but no height (or infinite height and length, but no width, or infinite height and width, but no length). The plane also doesn't represent every word in existence, the plane is the different aspects of characteristics of the words in question, namely house and swamp. Also, though, there's another plane that represents the characteristics between desert and swamp. And, I suppose, another one between desert and house. The planes intersect each other where the two same words meet. Kind of like this (ignore the periods): 
__________________________________________________ 
|.............................................................................| 
|.............................................................................| 
|House............................................................Swamp| 
|.............................................................................| 
|.............................................................................| 
...^ 
Connected 
..\/ 
__________________________________________________ 
|.............................................................................| 
|.............................................................................| 
|House.............................................................Desert| 
|.............................................................................| 
|.............................................................................| 
...........................................................................^ 
.......................................................................Connected 
..........................................................................\/ 
__________________________________________________ 
|.............................................................................| 
|.............................................................................| 
|Swamp...........................................................Desert| 
|.............................................................................| 
|.............................................................................| 

And, the two swamps are connected, even though I can't show that. Oh, and even though it looks like they have boundaries of length and width, they really don't, it's just that I can't show the infiniteness in a post.
851
852midnightshadowz: ALL OV YA ARE WRONG, THUS I AM GONNA CHOP OFF YOUR ARMS. R U READY??
853
854*makes a noise that sounds kinda seagully*
855
856*paints a daisy on a big red rubber ball*
857
858*seethes and hisses like a tempest wave crashing upon an old man using a cane to guide his dog through a pea soup mist of green beans and month-old holes in walls left behind when a tempest wave crashed into it*
859
860I push my fingers into my fashion statement that's a death wish, because if I could black out it would become so clear that the face inside is right beneath my empty street, on the boulevard of broken lives, where I've been searching for something, something never comes, never leads to Beverly Hills, which is where I want to be, because I'm breaking down; this picture's frozen and I can't get out of the hand that feeds you, because those who died are justified for wearing the badge, they're seeing all I see, but I still kill, still kill the old way, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe, because the kids aren't all right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
861Anyone hungery? 

I'm hungry, but its after midnight. 

What would you do for a Klondike bar? 

Go to sleep. 

Go to sleep. 

Stop typing. 

Stop typing, now. 

I don't think that I can stop. 

Stop. Stop. Stop.
8621"ok everyone, lets get going." 

2"where are we going?" 



1"no where in particular" 


2"why? 

1"why what?" 

2"why are we going nowwhere in particular?" 


1"where were you going?" 

2"what do you mean where was I going? aren't you comming too?" 

1"I don't know was I? I thought I was just going to cook something?" 


2"why are you going to cook something?" 


1"What was I going to cook. I dont remmeber saying i was going tocook something." 


2" you're insane!" 

1"who are you talking to?" 

2"nevermind!" 


1"who is Never Mind?"
863MOVE, because the sound when the rock hits is making this call to a place called vertigo which is only 7 miles from the sun. But suddenly the papercut cried out, "why don't you and i?" and leapt into a lonely nation, conveniently placed a thousand miles from the best of you. Immediately the beautiful world that is black dared the wordplay to move in the same direction as teh colors taht are lonely no more. But, hen all is said and done, you're a god that's meant to live out of control. 

So MOVE, when you show me what you can do and you step into the circle and shake like we do! And move when you just can't take it and move when you feel like breaking out!
864
865Spachettification: n. the process by which (in some theories) an object would be stretched and ripped apart by gravitational forces on falling into a balck hole (OED).
866
867What time is it? IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!! 

In german: ES IST SCHLAGEN UHR!! JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!
868OK, so get this AW CO I came up with. His units have infinite attack and defense, and he can build units for free on any space of the map, and if there's an enemy unit on the space, it blows up. The units can be moved as soon as they're built, and all units can capture any property in one turn, despite their health. When repaired on one of their properties, it's free and they're always healed all of the way. He has no power bar, meaning he can use his CO power and SCO power whenever he wants. His CO power heals all of his units completely, takes all enemy units down to 1 hp, and drains all of their fuel and ammo, and completely drains the enemy's power bar and money. The SCO power instantly kills all enemy units and makes all neutral and enemy properties become his, including enemy HQ's.
869Hey guys, I was digging around in my backyard the other day, and came across this old box filled with scrolls. This is what they said: 

 is a collosal ape that eats rocks, spits jets of water, controls the weather, and is blind. 

walkerboh01 is a human-sized dragon that fears nothing, has a massively swollen skull, is sensitive to noise, and can regenerate and phase in and out of existence. 

KhimberCat is a giant lizard that eats nuclear waste, spins vast webs, projects a purple forcefield, and can leap great distances and change colour. 

QuickTipsManual is a giant ant that has huge, sharp claws, can generate electricity, and is easily confused. 

midnightshadowz is a giant blob that cowers from radiation, carries a samurai sword, and is susceptible to electrical damage. 

Lady Blue-Dragon is a giant lizard that eats rocks, was summoned from the deep, has a swirly hypnotic gaze, and is extremely hydrophobic. 

Damson is a giant mecha-moth that has a single giant eye, looks like a man in a rubber suit, swats airplanes like flies, and can change shape and turn invisible.
870
871

SWEET!!! 

*projects purple forcefield around herself & her cookies*
872
873*walks through the forcefield...leaves left leg behind*
874
875*changes color to purple & hides in forcefield* 

*waits for people to make the same mistake as quicktips*
876
877Lady Blue...is well blue cannot make that mistake. 

BUT... 

if I stand in front of Khimber's purple forcefield...I am mostly camouflage. I too can attack the unsuspecting. Unless I back up then I'm afriad that I might get...hmmmmm...won't finish that thought...
878
879If you back up Lady Blue I may have to catch you in my web that I supposedly can make...
880Ho ho hum, my lead fell in the rum. 
"What am I to do?" I tried to ask the shoe. 
"Don't ask me that, you know I can't think," said the little shoe, with a nice big wink.
881

POWERMUTECHVOLACTIONVOLCHTV/VIDEO/FM123456789R-TUNE0RECALL
882
883very interesting morgan
884
885That's what my remote says.
886
887Lol I bet it is.
888
889wow....that was....interesting.....thanks for sharing.
890
891Yeah it brightened my day lol.
892I have a (marginally) serious question for you guys. 

Can cardboard be bent?
893
894yup....i work with cardboard boxes all day....they are made of layers and can, in fact, be dented.....they can also be punctured, crushed, bitten, kicked, and burned.
895
896Excellent... 

*builds his cheap sunglasses with cardboard*
897(x-)/2=*(x^2) 
What is the answer?
898
899the answer is to the power of
900
901I thought the answer would have been x= to the 16th power + + to the 18th power, + 22 - 37. Give or take a few numbers, of course, seeing as I did that in my head. 
902Doi doi chee, d-doi doi chee. Got it?
903
904 gotcha, cheif!
905
906*sings the song Seminole Wind*
907
908*chants and dances around a fire*
909
910[sings]So blow, blow Seminole wind 
Blow like you're never gonna blow again; 
I'm callin' to you like a long-lost friend 
But I don't know who you are; 
And blow, blow from the Okeechobee 
All the way up to Micanopy 
Blow across the home of the Seminole 
The alligator and the gull[/sings]
911
912Get ready for a good ol' fashioned spear dance everyone! Yeeeeeee-ha!
913
914whoa, whoa....keep your "spear" to yourself.
915
916the potato farmers are comming to kidnap eddie the elephant!!! !sevil ruoy rof nur 


*runs*
917
918*takes off pants and sets them on fire* 

AHHHHH!!! 

*runs away to see if there is a bucket of water to douse the pants with so that no one thinks that she's a liar*
919
920*looks for something to throw on the fiery pants* 


*throws a skeleton mask on the fiery pants*
921
922Like a fish out of water, I stumbled past the boiled curds and leapt into the lasagna. Good thing they keep it at room temperature, I thought, and then everything went black.
923
924*runs away from behind walker still clutching the pot* 


*is immediatly surrounded by cops* 


*screams that she is innocent*
925
926I glanced up and looked around. Bangladesh is usually nice this time of year, I thought for the third time that day. The sun shone brightly.
927
928During the Middle Ages, Europeans sufferend from both war and Plague. The end!
929umm Walker, Do you by chance have a cousin in Illinois, Cause There was a kid in my spanish class that looks almost exactly like you, with a little more reddish hair.
930
931He does, actually. You know, that could full well be him 
932
933What are you talking about Morgan? I don't have any cousins my age.
934
935*laughs at could be confusion*
936
937Don't make fun of people.
938
939hmm... ok. They say someone in the world always looks like someone else, so I guess I found out who it is you look like. 


I've been told I look like and Anime Character
940I'm just trying to learn here.
941
942Nevermind...
943
944You are disrupting my learning environment.
945
946*screams*
947
948That's much better. *goes back to learning*
949
950*raises hand* 
Walker, how is it that you determine the square root of a burning textbook?
951
952Go ask your silverware drawer.
953DESSERT!!! EAT!!!!! 
HYPERLINK "http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink11.gif"http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink11.gif
954HYPERLINK "http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink36.gif"http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink36.gif
955HYPERLINK "http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink24.gif"http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink24.gif
956HYPERLINK "http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink21.gif"http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink21.gif
957http://websmileys.com/sm/drink/trink12.gif
958
959DESERT!!! EAT!!!!! 
HYPERLINK "http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/desert-picture-5.jpg"http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/desert-picture-5.jpg
960HYPERLINK "http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/desert2.jpg"http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/desert2.jpg
961http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/desert.jpg
962Katie: What are you barking at? 
Abby: *lots of barking, itermittent uniintelligible things from katie* 
Abby and Buzz: *barking* 
Katie: Shhh! 
Katie: There's nobody out there. 
Abby and Buzz: *walking away* 
Corey: *laughs slightly, fiddles with a rainbow slinky*
963
964one question, was the slinky metal or plastic?
965
966Plastic. It is, in fact, the same one in my picture.
967
968ghastly!.....metal slinkies are the only ones that deserve the Slinky name.....the rest are fake slinkies!....they're finkies!
969
970Maybe it's a spring.
971
972plastic springs?.....my bed would be extremely uncomfortable if there were plastic springs.
973
974Well, it's an air spring, or something.
975
976air spring?....does it really spring the air?
977Haven't you heard? I'm the new cancer.
978
979the big C is now the big M???
980
981It's always been that way, duh 
982
983so, should we call Morgan "deadly bastard" from now on?
984
985Hasn't he always been known as that anyway though naw, you know I'm just kidding Morgan
986
987actually, i think Morgan wouldn't mind being called that.
988HYPERLINK "http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/9474/randomanimation18ur.gif"http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/9474/randomanimation18ur.gif
989
990Cute.
991so.....what was the Civil War really like?
992
993very uncivil
994
995makes you wonder why people call it the "civil" war, then.
996
997ohh that's easy. Cause the government doesn't want it too look like Americans are bad, and wanted to make it look like they still liked their countrymen
998
999and THAT is why i'm moving to Canada once i get out of school.
1000
1001Geez, it was called the Civil War because it was an internal war, not because it was civil, geeeeez 
1002
1003Yeah, you guys. 

Wait, was that Morgan who said that...?
1004
1005I'm moving to Canada too. Only thing keeping me in US is that I love this area where I live now...
1006
1007we're all moving to Canada....i'll drive!
1008Fun fact: Gelatin is a product of animal death.
1009
1010ohh that's very nice to know, now I know why I hate Jello...
1011
1012really i like it (even after that little peice of info)
1013
1014I used to love it as a kid, but not soo much anymore...Tastes to much like what I think worms would taste like...
1015Flik meets Cooree aand then thaa goo bak tuu tawn then thaa fiind Shon then Cooree leevz and sevrl weecs laatr Shon and Flik goo tuu Laau then thaa hav Meenyun jooeen up with them then thaa get lost in thu Blac Oocs and thaa olmoost dii then thaa get tuu Clhaavn then thaa fiind Cooree and then thaa hav uthr peepl jooeen them then thaa goo noorth, and then thaa goo thruu thu Wulfcstagz, then Cooree leevz and Shon and Flik olmoost dii then tha goo tuu Stoorlok then thaa goo tuu thu Hol uv thu Keengz and then Shon folz of uv aa clif then thaa go tuu Paarunoor then Cooree folz in aa frnis then Flik gets lost aand evreewun els got capshrd then thaa get free and meenwiil Shon gets capshrd and freed and then gooz noorth in prsuut and meenwiil thu rest goo sepuret waaz and Cooree surchez foor sumwun els and Balinoor gooz tuu Teersis and gets capshrd and gets free and Cooree sendz Flik tuu Teersis aand Cooree gooz noorth and Shon gets capshrd and keeps gooeeng noorth and gets u soord aand Balinoor batlz peepl aand Shon kilz u pursn aand gooz hoom.
1016
1017What an origional story you have there
1018
1019that was Sword of Shannara.....with a few spelling errors.....i call plagiarism!
1020Hoosier 
1 cups -purpose 
1 baking 
1 packed sugar, use 
cup sugar 
cup OR, softened 
large, separated 
teaspoon extract 
cupts chocolate, divided 
3/4 honey peanuts, use 

1. oven 325°F. 13 x 9- baking. 
2. Combine and soda small. Beat cup sugar, and in large bowl creamy. in yolks vanilla. Gradually in mixture crumbly. in 1/2 morselfs 1/2 nuts. dough bottom greased -inch pan. 
3. egg in mixer until peaks. Gradually in brown until peaks; spread dough. with morselfs remaining. 
4. Bake 35 40 or top set lightly. Cool pan wire for minutes. into while warm. 

36.
1021
1022Bars 
1/2 all- flour 
teaspoon soda 
cup brown, divided 
1/2 granulated 
1/2 butter margarine, 
2 eggs, 
1 vanilla 
2 semisweet chips, use 
cup roasted, divided 

1. Preheat to. Grease -inch pan. 
2. flour baking in bowl. 1/2 brown, sugar butter a mixing until. Beat egg and extract. beat flour until. Stir 1 cups and cup. Press onto of 13x9- baking. 
3. Beat whites small bowl soft form. beat remaining sugar stiff form; over. Sprinkle remaining and nuts. 
4. for to minutes until is and browned. in on rack 20. Cut bars still.
1023Hot! is Job Italian The Sutherland Donald and G Franky, Def Mos, Statham Jason, Green Seth, Norton Edward includes also that cast all-star ensemble an With. Angeles Los of streets the below and above, down, up careens that chase pedal-to-the-metal, pulse-pounding a in up end and loot the re-steal to off take team his and Croker, (Theron Charlize) safecracker gorgeous drop-dead a with Along. "action-adventure furious and fast" this in Croker as electrifying is Wahlberg Mark. payback wants he... payoff job's the than more wants he Now. double-crossed being was on plan didn't he that thing one The. lifetime a of crime the off pulled Croker Charlie. perfect was execution The. flawless was plan The
1024allerion: where did everyone go? I'm so bored... 
*isn't* 
tuh? 
tuhlunch? 
see 
fuu? 
f00'ed! 
tuttislurp! 
what in the world??
1025Watching ppl hurt themselves any way is always awesome 

Watch a show called Scarred, on MTV. Love that show 
1026
1027I can't, the same time that's on is when my favorite show, Unscarred, on VTM, is on. Oh well.
1028i've never had duck either...does it taste anything like chicken?
1029
1030It tastes like chicken, but with a hint of butternut cocoa and embalmed corpses left in boats with small leaks off the shore of Antarctica in the summer.
1031
1032oooh, embalmed corpse....that's one of my favorite meats.
1033
1034i never knew duck had such a complex taste
1035
1036Well, that's probably just because you didn't invent it.
1037
1038did the same person invent duck that invented the duckbill platypus or was that a copycat?
1039
1040Actually, the duckbill platypus came first, the inventor of the duck ripped off of that.
1041
1042i pity the platypi 

Disclaimer: 1) a renunciation of any claim to or connection with; 2) disavowal; 3) a statement made to save one's own ass. 

Though it'll go without saying ten minutes or so into these proceedings, View Askew would like to state that this film is from start to finish a work of comedic fantasy, not to be taken seriously. To insist that any of what follows is incendiary or inflammatory is to miss our intention and pass judgment; and passing judgment is reserved for God and God alone (this goes for you film critics too...just kidding). 

So please before you think about hurting someone over this trifle of a film, remember: even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus. Thank you and enjoy the show. 

P.S. We sincerely apologize to all Platypus enthusiasts out there who are offended by that thoughtless comment about Platypi. We at View Askew respect the noble Platypus, and it is not our intention to slight these stupid creatures in any way. Thank you again and enjoy the show. 

-View Askew
1043
1044so does the duck
1045Sir, I eat lunch with Rev!
1046
1047*slaps Morgan with a white glove*
1048
1049
1050
1051what?....i'm challenging him to a duel
1052
1053ok 

*grabs pocorn and watches*
1054
1055pistols or swords?
1056
1057*wants to see a sword fight*
1058
1059pistols are far too quick
1060
1061yeah, i've got good aim....wouldn't want to beat him too easily.
1062
1063yay swordfight!
1064
1065hmmm....fencing, smaller swords, or all out battle mode (swords, spears, whatever you get your hands on)??
1066
1067FENCING!!!
1068
1069I'd be careful Shaz, I'm deadly with swords. See, here's me:
1070HYPERLINK "http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/swordridiculous.gif"http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/swordridiculous.gif
1071
1072...dude, when did you get boobs?
1073
1074i hooked him up, i know some people who were downgrading
1075
1076interesting...boobs just get in the way of swordplay though.
1077
1078maybe he wants to dazzle you with them to distract you
1079
1080good plan, but doubtful to work...they'll probably be the first things i chop off.
1081
1082mmhmm sure 
once you see boobs your Y chromosome will take over
1083
1084if i ever look at Morgan's boobs, i'll stab myself.
1085
1086All right Shaz, get ready for the deadly fury and utterly awe-inspiring and entrancing dance with death I will wield with PURPLE swords. This battle PURPLE over quickly, and I'll PURPLE in victory. PURPLE, why does this keep PURPLE to me, I just PURPLE to speak PURPLE, and PURPLE keeps PURPLE. It's PURPLE frustrating, PURPLE to PURPLE with this PURPLE. It's PURPLE worse PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE. PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PURPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1087
1088purple dance of death...wooohooo!!!
1089*some image that was no longer there at the time of this archiving*
1090
1091Shaz has boobs and wears heals!?!?! 


So that's what you picked up from me!!!!!!! 



that's really creepy I'm not gonna lie...
1092
1093Starlight: well at least they both have boobs now. 
1094
1095I'm glad you find that comfortin....
1096
1097Starlight: no, but it is really funny
1098
1099it's scary to me..
1100
1101As my granduncle would say, "Sounds like this e-mail contains Southwest Airlines Ticketless Travel information!" As to why he would say that, I have not the faintest clue, but there you go.
1102
1103that's not me silly!...i was the one taking the picture....that's Morgan after i whooped him and tied him up....ok...that sounded worse than i meant it to.
1104if you're hoping to lose pounds by the bunches, consider top quality cellular families for all of your Florence Township, brought to you by the health and wealth WOFLhouse
1105
1106The lamp ate my stapler. 
1107
1108Uh...can I have my lamp back?
1109
1110Can I lamp my back have?
1111
1112*puts a lamp on morgan's back*
1113
1114*watches the lamp throw up a stapler onto Morgan's head*
1115I don't like eating a lot of meat.. remind me that the turkey sandwhich I'm eating is from an animal and I gag... crap.. well that just messed me up for dinner now... grr...
1116
1117perhaps you should try a vegetarian diet.
1118
1119Just remember the old saying, "When one is vegetarian, one is three halves."
1120
1121i dont get it.
1122
1123I wonder if it's still called memory loss, when you can't remember the last time you lost.
1124
1125are fried beans just as good as refried? are we wasting our time?
1126I have absolutely no clue what a peep is....
1127
1128HYPERLINK "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Peeps" \t "_blank"These are peeps.
1129
1130HAHA, that was great morgan! thanks for making me day!
1131
1132Vaters <3 that page.
1133
1134dude, Morgan....i absolutelty loved that...hehehe...and how can you not like peeps....they're sugary goodness.
1135hey, all you need is love.
1136
1137actually, all you need is love and hair, it's essential for survival
1138
1139cthulu is the ftaghn IA! IA!
1140
1141hair, it's essential for survival 
1142
aw, crap....i just shaved.
1143
1144dont worry shaz, you have more than enough up top
1145
1146ummmm.................. 

wrong time to come in to this...
1147granite?? 

foreign elephant bat that outa the ballpark!
1148
1149Sorry, but what the Scoltand are you talking a-unterseeboot?
1150
1151A Micropone's burger is not of America.
1152
1153Snowy9000: Jeff fa fa Done Ham Dot Commm! It's all blue and Sparkly! I did that too well.
1154
1155P O to the E D 

pa-ohed.
1156
1157Snowy9000: lmao 

Happy holidays everybody!
1158
1159Whsi-whsi atha go go GO!!!!! in order of phrlamn. 

And I agree with DoS9K, and don't be surprised!
1160
1161*sniffs* I'm so proud, the randomness on this page is excellent. I've taught you all well 

In other news, my hair is begging for a milking. I'd better get to that.
1162
1163Proud! Proud shogg-elmo fahirno? 

Excabibbdrle, neh?
1164
1165morgan keep your furry porno out of here.
1166
1167HYPERLINK "http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/Shark.jpg"http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/Shark.jpg
1168
1169uh thas er what the frick?
1170
1171HHHHHHHHHnunHHHHHHH!!! wHHHHHHHaaAalg in the naaAame of WaaAalpurgis U?
1172
1173
1174that's a fun picture....i like fun pictures....especially when they talk to me.
1175
1176i love chupacabras, and lamp. mostly lamp.
1177*throws a pie in damson's face, and one in shaz's face and runs away to her trampoline in the clouds*
1178
1179Ok, so Eretria just HAPPENED to be throwing pies right after that violent pie-throwing video game came out, so what? I mean come on, I'll bet she loves corn bread. Are we gonna ban corn bread, too?
1180Nemo is an EVIL! movie....bad drunken experience.
1181
1182its a nice movie, how was it bad?
1183
1184we used it as a drinking game and any time the names Nemo or Dori were used, we took shots....it got to the point where i would just scream "Dori!" and we would take shots....i remember waking up on the floor and screaming "Dori" just to see how many of my friends were still able to move.
1185
1186wow, that just made a great image for the morning
1187
1188glad you find it amusing....that was an interesting night.
1189
1190haha I bet it was. I'll never be able to see that movie the same again!
1191
1192great....now every time you see it you'll have an image of me sprawled out on the floor screaming "Dori!"....that'll be perfect if you get a job at Pixar.
1193
1194I already work at Pixar.
1195
1196ditto
1197I once shaved someone's back.
1198
1199I don't shave, but most of my facial hair falls off by itself every week. It's hair cancer, very rare. Fortunately completely nonlethal.
1200
1201lucky. i wish i had that, but only in places i dont want hair. 
1202That's not Poland, that's an angled flight deck.
1203
1204*blinks* Morgan? How are you? I haven't seen you in forever!
1205
1206Oh, I'm doing all right, just ridiculously busy. I try to pop in and make this place a bit stranger now and then. For example, the previous statement was a quote from a presentation on Korean War navy.
1207ok, new subject@
1208
1209did you just "at sign" me?
1210
1211It's safe to say she did%
1212My conversation with chacha today: 

-Can i get out with acquisitioned goods? 
-I'm sorry I don't understand your question. Get out of where? Thanks 
-I need to get out of dodge with my legally acquisitioned goods. Theyre comin for me 
-You should never run away from your problems, it will only make things worse. Be honest and true, and justice will prevail. 
-When the results of not running are death id prefer to get out but i dont know how 
-Open either door, or smash a window to get out. Have a nice day! 
-I would but they set all of it on fire 
-Sorry, but we do not understand your query. 
-I have legally acquisitioned goods but theyre trying to kill me they trapped me and set it on fire i need to get out 
-Well since you have a cell phone, I would suggest that you call the police! 
-Im 100 miles from the nearest police station they couldnt possibly get here in time 
-They would be the first you need to start with. While you are texting us they could be on their way. Thanks 
-Well im actively attempting to escape as i text ive gotten into the vents away from the fire but its only a matter of time before they find me again 
-If you are genuinely in this sort of situation, you need to call the police (911) as they are able to provide help that we can't. 
-I told you im too far away im in the middle of the wilderness i have only my wits and your help 
-Please call 911, as they are able to assist you in finding your way out. Or use the sun as a guide to find your way out. 
-Ok im out of the building and into the forest im safe now. Are yellow mushrooms with red spots safe to eat? 
-Identify each and every mushroom you collect, and only eat those whose identification you are sure of.When in doubt, throw it out. 
-I have no experience whatsoever with mushroom identification 
-Do not eat any mushroom unless you know for sure it is edible. You can poison or even kill yourself. Go find a good book to help. 
-Well what can i find in a forest that is edible? 
-Edible and Medicinal plants found in a forest: Abal, Acacia, Agave, Almond, Amaranth, Arctic willow, Arrowroot , Asparagus. 
-How can i identify any of these? Im in northern arizona if that helps 
-The link below is to a photo of Asparagus. I hope that helps. Thanks 
-Asparagus grows in the wild in northern arizona? 
-It is highly likely that Asparagus goes in the wild in Northern Arizona. Thanks 
-Well i cant find any is tree bark edible? 
-Yes there are many different types of edible trees such as the Englemann Spruce, Western Red Cedar, Douglas Fir, & 2 Needle pines. 
-Well how do i know what they look like? 
-You could try going to the library to get books about Edible Trees they are always a good source for references. 
-For the last time im in the wilderness i have no library access now 
-Which tree would you like to know the description of and we will send the description to you. 
-Well what does a western red cedar look like? 
-Dark wood, foilage.. pic: http://www.lni.wa.gov/Safety/Research/Dermatitis/EdMat/PhytoSlides/4 
-So i can just rip off bark from the tree and eat it? 
-Dogs and other animals eat tree bark, so I don't think it would harm you, lots of fiber. Though it probably won't taste good. 
-I have no taste buds i can eat anything as long as it is edible 
-That's kind of cool, you can eat very healthy and not have to worry about liking it or not. Thanks 
-Yes but im more concerned about finding food period in this forest ive only found one western red cedar so far. Also my legally acquisitioned goods are heavy 
-I wouldn't advice you to eat other plants so much unless you know what they are for sure. Try hunting some meat down and cooking. 
-Im a vegetarian i wont eat meat 
-Locate some mushrooms, onions, olives, berries. 
-I already looked all i found is trees 
-Look low to the ground and at the base of the trees. This is where most Fungi grows such as mushrooms. Its the forests fast food. 
-Earlier i was told not to risk it they could be poisonous 
-Find some berries that you recognize, or describe the berries that you've found and we'll look them up for you. 
-Well i found some that are dark red about half inch in diameter. But theres brown spots on most of them 
-If you have a poisoning emergency, call 1-800-222-1222. Keep texting 
-I was trying to find out if the berries i found were edible 
-Well, do you have any more questions? Thank you 
-I never found out if the berries were edible! 
-I'm sorry I'm having a hard time figuring out what type they might be. Do you have any more information? Describe the tree please. 
-It has grey bark, lots of cracks in the bark green needles near the berries. About 30 feet tall 
-I'm sorry. I cannot find the tree you are describing. Do not eat any berries you find without know before hand if they are poison. 
-All right i guess the bark can sustain me now. Oh no i see a bear what should i do? 
-I would suggest running. 
-Well its long gone but i saw it eat the berries does that mean theyre safe? 
-When in doubt - don't! If you're not 100% sure that they're safe - leave them alone. 
-Ok fine tree barks not very filling though 
-Try mushrooms or dandelions or honey suckles are eatible. 
-I cant find any of these 
-Try grass. Thanks 
-Im in a forest no grass to be seen 
-Eat some insects full of protein, mmm mmm good. Thanks 
-Ok well i still need to escape the forest eventually and with the goods 
-Maybe you could dig a hole and come back for them later when you can figure out a better way,what kind of goods are they? 
-They are solid gold statuettes that i need to get to the fbi for evidence but i was caught and had to flee not according to plan and now im lost in the wild 
-Definitely agree with the Guide before me; bury the statuettes and run for safety. The FBI will provide you a way to get them back 
-Thanks for the sound advice im afraid im still lost though and fbis not picking up emergency line i think field hq was compromised 
-That's good..relax yourself and enjoy the greenery around. Have a great day. 
-I cant this a government mission and if field hq was compromised theyre probably after me now 
-I see, well you'd better get a move on and get into hiding! Thanks 
-Well how can i evade them while escaping the forest? 
-Obviously, the most important consideration in evasion is knowing the location of the enemy. Have a great day ! 
-Well i dont know where they are and i need to try to reestablish contact with command 
-You should try to get in touch with your commanding officer. Have a great day. 
-Yes that is the problem theyre not responding i believe they were found by the enemy 
-That is not good. You better stay away from the enemy! Thanks 
-Yes but i need to get out of the woods too 
-Use everything you have learned to help get you out.If you walk straight you will eventually get out of the woods. Keep in touch! 
-Oh no another bear its angry at me got too close to its cubs on accident 
-Oh my, well you need to hurry up and get out of there. I hope you get out safely. Thanks! 
-Crap the bear took a good chunk out of my arm. Whats proper first aid procedure? 
-1 stop bleeding (use pressure) 2 Wrap(use shirt or pants if nothing else) 3 Call for help (&/or get to a hospital) 4 Disinfect 
-Ok ill try it but no hope of hospital here in the wilderness. The bear used its mouth so im worried about infection 
-If you have been attached by a bear and cannot get yourself to a hospital you should call 911. Thanks 
-Im lost in a forest on a government mission and hq was compromised youre my only source of help. The wound is starting to turn green too i may have to amputate 
-If you can text a Chacha guide, you can certainly call 911. Good luck with that, I hope you get to keep that arm of yours. 
-Yes but im in the middle of the wilderness id love to call them but they couldnt reach or find me 
-If you can text a Chacha guide, you can certainly call 911. They could probably trace you via cell phone signal, don't worry. 
-If they can trace me the enemy could probably can too then id definitely be dead or captured before they arrived. Only texting is safe 
-Texting gives off the same signals as phone calls, my friends. You should call 911. Thank you 
-Not this phone specially made for this mission can mask a brief signal but not a sustained one like a call 
-Try to find some water, and clean the wound well, and then wrap the wound in as clean a bandage as you can find. Thanks 
-Okay ill look for some water what are some places to try to look? 
-Find some water at near lakes,rivers.streams. Have a great day! 
-Obviously but how can i find one? 
-Sorry. ChaCha does not understand your question. Your original question may be ambiguous or need details. Please restate and try again. 
-Okay well the wound appears to be gangrenous at this point i think amputation is he only option. What is the procedures? 
-Please dial 911 for emergency services. Let us know if we can answer any specific questions. 
-For crying out loud theres not that possibility. I need to self amputate my arm right now im in the wilderness 
-You'd need to cut off the blood flow to the arm by tying something around it tightly. Then go for it. 911 is just easier. 
-Okay here it goes then luckily my arm is numb at this point 
-I'm sorry but the information you're looking for is not available online. 
-Ok wow that was unpleasant what am i supposed to do about the exposed nerve endings i dont want them sticking out after it heals do i? 
-You need to wrap it up and call 911 or go to a ER. Good luck! 
-Look im in the wilderness as ive said about 5 times already and i need to know what to do about the exposed nerve endings in my amputated arm stump 
-Call 911- I am not a medical professional- They are. 
-The enemy will find me if i emit a sustained phone signal i cant contact them 
-Dial 911. Most bleeding can be controlled with a combination of direct pressure over the wound and elevation. 
-I. Am. In. The. Wild. On. A. Mission. None of these are an option. Whatever ill just wrap it up and deal with it once the mission is complete 
-Good luck. But please seek medical help ASAP. Thank you 
-I think i hear a helicopter i just need to find out if its my guys 
-Ok, whats the question? Thanks 
-Ok ive been picked up the mission is complete even though i lost my arm i acquisitioned the goods 
-I am sorry, I do not understand your question. Please resubmit. 
-I was using you guys as my support after my field hq was compromised just extending my appreciation for what you did for me and the country 
-No problem! Feel free to keep asking more questions! Thanks!
1213
1214... 

*bows down to true greatness*
1215
1216Deadly_Effort: Oh my. 

Truly stupendous. 

*Bows*
1217
1218He is a master of the Wierdness Game.
1219
1220morgan!.....why don't you post more often? 

*throws a chai teabag in morgan's face*
1221
1222*giggles about teabagging*
1223
1224Shazammmm: thank you, thank you....*takes a bow*
1225
1226morgan you just blew my mind. 

thats one
1227
1228just another reason he's greater than most.
1229
1230i agree, that was genius
1231
1232*wonders where walker has been*
1233
1234arizona i think 
1235
1236ah, snakes must've gotten him.
1237
1238He's just been very very busy like me. I'll get him on here eventually though
1239
1240tying him to a chair in front of the computer while you post using his name doesn't count.
1241
1242HYPERLINK "http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/verynice.gif?t=1210292990"http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/verynice.gif?t=1210292990
1243
1244Creepy. 
1245
1246my god......it's horrifying.....but i....can't....look....away!!!
1247
1248Now I just have to fight the urge to do the same with my face. Surprisingly, the urge is quite strong.
1249I just got a laptop, and it has a built-in webcam. 

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/Fire.gif

I am having a lot of fun with it.
1250
1251ok I'm not gonna lie... that hasn't to be one of the scariest things I've ever seen...
1252
1253Is that a mixing bowl I see in the background?
1254
1255Among other things, yes. It was in my kitchen after all.
1256
1257i like your microwave
1258
1259nice cabinets
1260
1261well since I've little else interesting left with... nice plants...
1262
1263That's a nice, clean ceiling.
1264
1265But anyways, I intend to enjoy the memory of the lunch I just had.
1266
1267you could have gone with light fixtures 
1268
1269I was gonna go with that, But I found a wierd Liking to the plant he's stabbing himself in the eye with... 


and OMG that's just such amusement... stop the picture in random frames, liek scroll or something right there, haha that helped make my day...
1270
1271ha!....the one where his mouth looks like the only thing on fire is pretty sweet looking.
1272
1273I dunno, I think the one where fire's coming outa his nose, mouth, and eyes is pretty sweet too!
1274So there I was, checking out my new bridge, when some cop strolls over and gives me a payment for loitering. Now, he says to me, see, you're loitering, see, and normally we toss you out to the dolphins. But I like your Phase, he says, and takes a sip of some coffee in her beard. This gets me thinking - what do I do to this hammer here? Should I start it raining? Or should I just stapler. 
After a long discussion with Your Pet Squirrel(TM), I get an idea, well steal it really from a sylvanus, and decide that what would go well with the cousin's cake would be a hundred wires of hairpin. But when I get there, the factory is closed due to Restless Waving Hiver Manipulation, so I end up going home and getting out my Wroonian.
1275Ye ask, and ye shall receive
1276
1277Yo! WG reunion: initiated.
1278
1279YAY!!! 

*hugs both Morgan and Walker* 
1280
1281Woooooooooooooooooo! 

*gets out the keg and starts celebrating*
1282
1283sweet.....so, how'd you guys find out we wanted you back? .....ESP?
1284
1285Darkmoon: *is scared* oh no vaters brought out the keg
1286
1287oh, come on....a keg isn't scary 
1288
1289Darkmoon: it is when its filled with beer and its vaters *hides more*
1290
1291Vaters is probably one of those odd cases where he's more calm when he's drunk.
1292
1293Darkmoon: *gets out of the hiding place* ok shaz you convinced me to come out but if i die im haunting u for the rest of your life.
1294
1295ummmmm....no promises
1296
1297Darkmoon: im promising you what i just said. if i die i will haunt u
1298
1299Of course, I'm the psychicest rapping pirate ever known to be.
1300
1301Darkmoon: *pulls out two uzi's for my protection and sits in corner*
1302
1303It's me you should worry about, not Vaters.
1304
1305Darkmoon:  *is in corner with my uzi's*
1306
1307*hugs Morgan in a manly way*
1308
1309*hugs morgan in completely the opposite manner than shazzy* 

MORGAN!!!! 

so... college? yes? how's it going?
1310
1311*Films Shaz's hugging of Morgan*
1312
1313i'm liking the plethora of hugging in here.
1314
1315Hey put your money where your milk is.
1316
1317WALKER! 

*hugs* 

talk at me. what's up? or down... or sideways, for that matter...
1318
1319Darkmoon: walker where??
1320
1321Hey put your money where your milk is.
1322

....should I break out the ones?
1323
1324Darkmoon: *hides where shaz's milk is*
1325
1326.....oh, this is going so so wrong.
1327Few problems indeed are greater than those related to natural logs. See, people keep trying to develop artificial logs and pass them off as natural, and then unsuspecting people get them, and one day, the company will awaken them for WORLD DOMINATION
1328
1329which company would that be?
1330
1331Simple. Weyland-Yutani.
1332Darkmoon: what about hertz? oh wait i ment to say dat in class
1333
1334the car rental place?....i'm more of an Avis guy.
1335
1336I've been hearing from my informants in the streets that Avis' cars are actually sophisticated holograms that steal the souls of the people in them.
1337
1338oh... so that's where i left my soul... how do i get it back?
1339
1340First, you need a green pigskin tutu and purple goat-hair leg warmers. Get those, and I'll tell you more.
1341
1342wow.....i just got one of the most amusing mental pictures ever! 
1343I have absolute proof that the circle with 12 lines on the outside of it is worth $016000264700, or at least it will be if I wash continuously between washings.
1344
1345is $016000264700 the same as $16000264700 or does the extra 0 in front add value?
1346
1347It adds precisely $rag for the aids of MGT Refs.
1348
1349Darkmoon: it adds a value place but the value is the same
1350
1351I'm going to say it's like the 9/10 of a cent on gasoline
1352KISS MY GRITS?
1353
1354Sorry, but I prefer grilled cheese, thank you very much.
1355
1356kiss my grilled cheese you CANADIAN?
1357
1358I <3 grilled cheese!
1359
1360Druid of Paranor: Make sure you down that grilled cheese with a Diet Mountain Dew, the drink of the God and Goddess. They told me so.
1361
1362Which God-And-GodDess? It really will influence my decision about drinking that ... stuff. *Shudders* 


(No, I don't actually think it's that bad.)
1363
1364Ick - carbonated urine!
1365
1366ranma>pen: Delicious
1367
1368It tastes alright, but there's just too much hair in it for my taste. Gets caught in my mouth and throat, very unpleasant.
1369
1370No, no, no. The hair is actually what makes it palatable!
1371
1372Ick....once again
1373
1374But ... but ... HAIR! It's tasty!
1375
1376starlight: well now i know not to drink Mountain Dew if i ever go to America...
1377
1378Heck I live on Io and there's like a mountain dew vending machine everywhere you look.
1379
1380personally, i prefer the cherry Icees on Pluto, but that's just me.
1381Sometimes I just wanna get on TV and just let loose but can't
1382
1383My fief on Kikiigulii makes a delicious harndaberry liquor.
1384
1385But it already does... brother
1386
1387While "Beware of Dog" signs may protect you from salesmen and housecats, they do little to protect your insides. If nasty free radicals could read signs, our job would be easy. But they can't. So we did the next best thing and put antioxidant Vitamins A, E, & a complete dose of Vitamin C into our water. We even added some Electrolytes for good measure. Free radicals get the message to "Keep Out" and you get a great-tasting water with the refreshing flavors of Orange and Starfruit.
1388
1389Vitamin water's a sham, most of it doesn't get absorbed by your body. Instead, your body gets absorbed into it. Eventually, you become... nothingness!
1390
1391actually, that was from snapple antioxidant water. 

i like vitamin water much better. 

i'm gonna eat a take 5 bar now.
1392
1393I'm going to eat 5 bars.
1394ranma>pen: *wants grilled cheese*
1395
1396*throws grilled cheese at ranma*
1397
1398Ungrills the cheese as it flies through the air*
1399
1400Darkmoon: *laughs as he watches the cheese fly through the air*
1401*makes some fried potatoes*
1402

[Irish accent] Have a po-tate-ah, ya filthy animal! [Irish accent]
1403
1404ya filthy animal?
1405
1406that's what we screamed at people when we threw diced potato at them
1407
1408do you... always throw diced potatoes at people? 

because personally, i prefer to throw whole ones... fresh-baked, if i can find them...
1409
1410it was just once...and we had a knife, potato and a car in the middle of chinatown.....we decided to have some fun.
1411i want IHOP. but i don't wanna go all the way to Toledo to get it. 

i also don't wanna go to my lesson today.
1412
1413IHOP dissolves tissues.
1414
1415oh yeah? well, markers dissolve YOUR FACE!
1416yeah thanks to not studying, I just failed my speaking test, horridly... in front of the entire class.... 
1417
1418Oh my. Wait, you don't know how to speak? Like, you're a mute or something?
1419
1420psh....in todays world, who needs to speak....texting is all the rage.
1421
1422umm, actually, i need to know how to speak because: 

1. i'm going into education 
2. i can't use texting on my phone.
1423
1424ouch... no texting??... and yeah... I'm currently half losing my voice... stupid grrr......
1425
1426yeah.... i kept getting text messages from a news channel, and i never subscribed to their text message service, so my dad had the texting to my phone turned off.
1427
1428That's aweful!!... I'm sure there has to be a way to stop that... or block texts from certain people... my one friend doesn't have texts and it's aweful cause I can never get ahold of her... cause I spontaneously make plans, and just mass text instead... phone calls take too long...
1429
1430well, i called the news station about it, and the guy was supposed to be trying to take me off the list, but he said there were, like, three different names with my phone number, or three different phone numbers with my name or something... long story short, two months after i called the guy, i was still getting texts.
1431
1432wow that's soo stupid!!! i hate crap like that... I'd have gone to your phone company and tried havin them block it, since the station obviously didn't care...
1433
1434In that case, the only thing you can do is get your phone some counseling, because it obviously never learned not to talk to strangers. Maybe try phone obedience school or something.
1435
1436those silly phones... they just never learn do they?...
1437
1438Mine does. I taught it to swing dance and write sonnets at the same time. And to lick milk.
1439
1440dang I'm jealous... mine just keeps in contact with the outside world in impossible places...
1441
1442Mine keeps it's contacts in cases where they belong. I taught it well.
1443oooh, i love this static....my bones just bounce to the beat.
1444
1445Hmm, sounds like the frequency emissions from Nuclear Magnetic Resonance tests of carbon... 

That's because 99% of carbons are Carbon-12, which doesn't react to nuclear magnetic resonance because they don't have spin because of the even amount of protons. Only the small amounts of Carbon-13 emit the relevant frequencies because the odd number of protons permit two opposite spin possibilities, so it sounds like static.
1446
1447Whatever, Morgan. 

Come dance with us!
1448
1449Nevarh! Cap'n Mop sees all! Arr!
1450
1451Cap'n Mop, huh? catchy. i like it. 

would you dance with us if i gave ye some rum?
1452
1453The crew tells me what they wants to do, then we do what I wants to do because I got the power what be veto. This veto, it be a plank.
1454
1455that's cute! you make such a cute little pirate! 

yeah. so i went shopping today. for christmas ornaments. i spent twenty-seven dollars. 

plus ten on a necklace i didn't really need...
1456
1457i made some shanks from a plank once....then someone from the south called me a Yank.....and a skunk came by and really stank.....so i runned over it with me tank.
1458You and I are like milk and juice 
And we've been trying, trying trying 
Ohhhh, to mix it up.
1459
1460There's a dog in my hall. And it's barking. And it's BROWN.
1461
1462So dye it tie-dye.
1463
1464Like flipping flip-flops flopping in the wind?
1465It mioght be sheaper to schip schteel. What else do you need a lot of to make alumina? Water baking power.
1466strange things happen here
1467

no....WEIRD things happen here....there's no strangeness game 
1468
1469
1470Well, Imma fix THAT right now.
1471
1472(this wasn’t in a post: and so, the thread was born)
1473pineapples make me laugh ever since i saw Little Nicky
1474
1475i know exactly how you feel.... 

poor Hitler, though...
1476
1477i loved that scene....Hitler was an awesome character in that movie. 
1478
1479you WOULD like that scene, shazzy... 

i'm a bit partial to the final battle between Nicky and Adrian, personally.
1480
1481what's that supposed to mean? 
1482
1483nothing, nothing... you know i just like to make fun of you.
1484
1485She won't tell you, but I will - it means that the inevitable exodus of any and all doors that might lead to an orb room will happen in the next 5 minutes.
1486
1487*isn't even going to pretend to understand ANY of what Morgan just said* 

*eats a Mozart kugel*
1488
1489My mind has officially been blown. Nice going, Morgan!
1490
1491is it sad that i don't get it?
1492i used to give fluffs piggy back rides all the time.
1493
1494And then you decided to burn the world. A decision of which I approve strongly.
1495
1496no, no....only burn half of it...then rule the other half with an iron fist.
1497
1498That's incredibly wasteful - the half that got ruled makes better tinder.
1499
1500depends on which half you choose to burn
1501
1502well, last time i tried to burn half the world, i started at the polar ice caps... 

that didn't work too well.
1503
1504so, global warming is your fault?
1505Mediterranean Agriculture happens near the Mediterranean. That's what my Human Geography class taught me!
1506
1507Human Geography?....is my waist my equator?
1508
1509deuceman78: my belly button is a black hole
1510
1511that must suck. 

get it? 

black hole 

suck
1512I delete my AOL e-mail when it gets to like 300+.... I'm lazy 
1513
1514so, that's like what?....a week of emailing back and forth with me? 
1515
1516I've been running email scams myself lately. Trying to trick people by telling them they've won some lottery in London. I'm rakin' in the dough, too.
1517waffle cones need to be flat, though.
1518
1519I prefer extradimensional waffle cones, myself. Like, 6 or 7 dimensions of delicious flavor.
1520
1521nobody does weird quite like you do, morgan... *hugs* 
1522waffle cones need to be flat, though.
1523

the waffle was flat. you made it in a waffle iron, didn't you? irons make things flat. so, flat waffle.
1524Part 1: You can always drink rum. If there's a time that we find that we be in a bind, there isn't any left for the good of our kind, a retention shall be voted and you'll have to drink wine. 

Rule 2: You never screw someone in the crew, in a game of dice for the gold they've accrued. 

Number 3: You pirates always listen to me, 'cuz the captain makes it happen when we're out on the sea. 

Now 4: If you're ever bringing sallies from shores, we'll maroon you on an island, you can live with that whore 

Number 5: It ain't wise to devise any lies, or keep secrets from the crew 'bout what you found on a prize 

Rule 6: If you're blitzed on the deck of a ship in the time of the battle you'll be hit by a whip, and remember when you're smokin' put a cap up on that tokin', and in the hold, put the powder or your neck will be a chokin'
1525HYPERLINK "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4jNDUQAAJU"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4jNDUQAAJU
1526
1527you know, that almost looked like it would be interesting... of course, that might be because i was watching it without sound. 

and ralph fiennes was apparently in it... if that was a real movie, i would go see it, wait until he was on screen, and jump up and shout "OMG VOLDEMORT!!!!"
1528
1529oh, great...you said his name....now he's going to hunt you down.
1530
1531starlight: you do know that Voldement isn't evil anymore? and that when you say his name you get free chocolate?
1532
1533VOLDEMORTVOLDEMORTVOLDEMORTVOLDEMORTVOLDEMORTVOLDEMORTVOLDEMORTVOLDEMORT
1534
1535here comes the blue and red middle-management sandal
1536
1537Captain America?
1538
1539more like catbert meets the largest 9-volt battery ever that also happens to be a star pitcher
1540
1541now, that, i'd like to see.
1542
1543catbert? is that the cat from the Dilbert comics?
1544
1545catbert is the ethereal simplicity of the grey, horrid blanket
1546
1547which is really nothing more than the anatomy of Yo Yo Ma.
1548
1549who is a guest at our valentines single party
1550
1551Well i wouldn't know that, you didn't invite me.
1552
1553well i didnt make the party
1554
1555What you say Willis?
1556
1557I said identical twins, Andersen!
1558
1559I have highlighter. I have scissors. I have plastic. I have lightbulb. I have picture. I have happy.
1560don't you hear that? not the birds, the toilet tank refilling... the toilet tank of life. what plato called the great swirly of life... im paraphrasing
1561
1562you know, paraphrasing is technically plagiarism if you don't cite your source... you could get kicked out of college for that.
1563
1564Or smoked out. Smoking some out is much more fun that kicking because it involves FI-UH!
1565"If i was a pickle, would i be fickle? 
If i was a cucumber, would i turn into a pickle? 
If i was an onion, i would hate funyons. 
But if i was a carrot, i'd love you!"
1566
1567so, are you a carrot, then?
1568
1569He is probably not
1570
1571Hey i didn't write that song, bruce springsteen did.
1572
1573figured. just thought i'd ask. 

what happens if he's an eggplant?
1574
1575but my name is bruce springsteen...?
1576
1577An eggplant would mean that i got money in the bank and the shorty got that drank.
1578
1579so we're able to send postage via the forum now?
1580
1581don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by?
1582
1583NO! But as the months learn to fly the years stand by.
1584
1585No, but everything gets longer near sunrise and sunset
1586*insert something witty here*
1587
1588Like milk?
1589
1590oh ya
1591
1592strawberry milk, please!
1593
1594Water bottle cap, water bottle cap. Break me off a piece of that water bottle cap.
1595
1596with plenty of thick, juicy hairs
1597
1598gonna get some we drink milk, and have cookies all night long HEY!
1599
1600Just the way your momma used to make it.
1601wait....your mommy is here? 
1602
1603yeah... right there. *points at a random object*
1604
1605stop pointing at my momma
1606
1607*throws momma from the train*
1608
1609so... does that make you my brother?
1610
1611no....he's your brutha.
1612
1613Only in the geriatric sense.
1614
1615the joys of geriatrics
1616
1617umm... sure. joy.
1618Normally i'd say something random and wildly off-topic at this point.
1619I WILL KNOW. 

The candy.
1620
1621How make does like me?
1622
1623Marmalade.
1624
1625*insert*
1626
16275 stars is the worst that the one that knows how to get things can hope to get
1628
1629If that didn't make sense i'd be named MC Hammerne.
1630
1631Is that the equipment-restoring rapper?
1632
1633Ja-ein. EAT THE CHOCALAT
1634
1635Imma tell the office
1636
1637Peeping through the cracks of crackers is the latter ladder. This is a matter of mather mothers mustering mustard gas goop.
1638
1639This is the song I sing for dough. 
Not money, the stuff you make bread with. 
I can't say I really know 
What rhyming is so this is ironic(ith)
1640
1641If you play FIFA WORLD CUP ON HARD MODe then your name is Hairy McFlair Bear. That is why i cry in the night.
1642I apologize in advance for the lack of weirdness in this post (relatively speaking of course) 

So, tonight walker and I decided we were going to look through this whole thread for our posts and whatnot. Now, walker went to bed after we got to like page 200 (he's in eastern time zone, so I can't blame him), but I logged everything after that that was good so he can see it later. In order to do this we were looking through the thread using the find function for "alla" since that's in both of our titles. This was effective too, the only time it caught other stuff was when allana was posting or mentioned, when the name allanon was mentioned, and when mistress of magic posted "lallallalla" or something like that fairly early on in the thread. So, we would read our posts and also the stuff around them. 

Anyways, the point. These last almost 6 years have just been freaking awesome, I have literally laughed hundreds of times over the last few hours from reading everything I'd forgotten about and seeing again the things I remembered, and reminiscing about it all with walker and seeing all the old member's posts that don't post here anymore, and the ones that still do post here too. It's so crazy seeing how everyone slowly but surely changes through the years in this thread. So here's to a great past, and hopefully many more great years to come. 

Alright, it's 3 AM. Time to start my homework 
1643When licking poles, it's important to know what type of pole it is you're licking and the potential dangers associated with it. Here's a fun, easy guide to help you out! 
Frozen poles: These poles are characterized by a lack of warmth and an abundance of superglue. Attaching the tongue, even momentarily, to one of these critters will indubitably result in instant stuck-ness and hours of mockery and frozen agony. 
Barber poles: Contrary to popular belief, these poles are not nearly as delicious or flavorful as their smaller, similar-looking cousins: the candy cane. I heard a story once where an angry barber shaved a guys eyebrows off for licking his pole. And then killed him. With hair. 
Magnetic poles: The odds of successfully licking a magnetic pole are precisely 5000283:1. This is because they migrate constantly at a rate of 40 beats per page. 
Telephone poles: The warning labels all say: "Dangerous! Not for licking or other forms of tongue pleasurement!" However, that is false. The telephone companies just don't want you to do this, because it means you get free telephone service. That is fact. 
Tadpoles: In China, licking tadpoles is an honor, and in Atlantis it is a sport. In Chinantis, it's an honorary sport. 
Polar bears: While technically not a pole, licking polar bears has always been a good way to show one's support of preserving endangered species. And you know what they say, once an endangered species, always an endangered species! So keep on licking!
1644
1645*can think of some other poles walker forgot*
1646
1647Hey, you have to leave room for future installments. If i made every episode of a tv show and played it all on premiere night no one would ever watch it again!
1648
1649yes, but i think there are some very important poles you should have mentioned in your pole-licking guide. 

what happens when someone sues you after they go lick a stripper pole, hmm?
1650
1651Ah, but the genius of it is that a stripper pole is really just a polar bear in hybernation!
1652
1653hypernations are just like nations with EXTRA CHEESE FILLING
1654
1655That would imply that nations have a normal amount cheese filling in them anyways...
1656
1657they do. Where do you think the volts come from?
1658
1659and what about Polish people? 

there are a lot of Poles in Poland that probably wouldn't like to be licked...
1660
1661Hey, if you think you could make a better guide than me you should make one and then i'll accuse you of plagiarizing my ideas and sue you and take all your money and then spend it on gum balls and klondike bars.
1662
1663... i'll do it, if you'll hook me up with a klondike bar while i'm in prison for plagiarism.
1664
1665Yo if that's a crime you can put me in jail, just remember to be sending me some cheetos by mail
1666
1667And that's correct!!! The question was: What would you do for a klondike bar?
1668if the rain could wash away everything i've done, that would be some very hairy water afterwards
1669If i had a flowchart for every time a thorn popped my soccer ball, i would be selling flowcharts on the corner like it was my destiny.
1670
1671if i had a soccer ball for every time i've played soccer outside of gym class... i wouldn't have any soccer balls.
1672
1673forever is a mighty long time... if you're in a canyon
1674
1675Dimensional analysis makes torture seem like really bad.
1676
1677i don't know why, but i read "crayon" instead of "canyon" in morgan's post.
1678meh.....I'd rather be naked.
1679
1680Public nudity is offensive and not a good way to meet your boss.
1681
1682it's probably not a good way to meet your boyfriend/girlfriend, either.
1683
1684As long as you put your money where your mouth should be, no one will ever be able to tell the similarity.
1685Sigh, our superhero creators are always so unimaginative. They just combine animals and men, or give men the abilities of various creatures. Spiderman, batman, the green lantern. Wonderwoman was based on a woman, but that's not really any better. I mean, we need some unique, wild superheroes. Like why not Batspider? Or Wonderlantern? Those would be some sweet superheroes if you ask me.
1686
1687How about the Milk Planet? That would be an intense superhero.
1688
1689Yes, see we should be making these things and not the boring people who actually are in charge. He would have a godly nemesis too, like Mobes!
1690
1691For sure, then they could have epic battles until they can do real goo.
1692
1693And once that happens you bring in Gas Lightning, the lost avenger.
1694
1695Sounds like we have a radio show in the works. That's where all the mohney is these days.
1696
1697Wonderwoman was based on a woman, but that's not really any better.
1698

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!
1699
1700*was choosing to ignore that comment*
1701
1702(after some gaps in posts...)
1703going back to the superhero thing.....apparently, you've forgotten a great "multi-beast" hero: HYPERLINK "http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/2102/marveltailsstarringpetezu1.jpg"http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/2102/marveltailsstarringpetezu1.jpg
1704
1705Wow that is awesome. Why have i never heard of spiderham before?
1706
1707and what about spiderpig?  HYPERLINK "http://filmonic.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/spiderpig.jpg"http://filmonic.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/spiderpig.jpg
1708
1709The point is, ham can't decipher the ends to which we attain our inner exfoliation.
1710
1711Spiderham started out as a couple pages in the back of the Spiderman comics and then he was so well loved, he actually got his own comic.....how sweet is that?....I actually still have a couple of them.....the names always cracked me up.
1712
1713Emo  Silver: i never read comic books, either. 

did i just have a really sheltered childhood?
1714
1715I think you just had a really sheltered old age
1716
1717Like a turtle crawling through a retirement home.
1718
1719with a snail on its back
1720
1721the snail of legend
1722I just got a tattoo. It says "Gluons4Lyfe!"
1723So today i was working in the weirdness factory downtown. And let me tell you, that's weird enough itself because i live in the middle of nowhere. So anyways, i was at work, and some pretty weird stuff goes on down there. There was this guy next to me who was trying to glue imagination to this lady's beaver-in-a-cocoon. And the lady got so embarrassed that she had to lurch into the gluttony room, where she turned into a 4-sided sphere.
1724
1725oh yeah? i was at the weirdness academy earlier today, and i saw some guy ace his spelling test. the teacher asked what 4 minus seven was, and he answered that it was a drawing of a rocketship!
1726Hair follicles. This is the stuff from out of which legends are made.
1727
1728well, i certainly have a lot of hair follicles... is that a good sign?
1729
1730do you have enough hair follicles to cover a nation?
1731
1732would that then be a follicular nation?
1733
1734I would say it was fuzzy...
1735Walker's on spring break, so he came down here.
1736
1737HYPERLINK "http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/HoodGs.gif"http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/HoodGs.gif
1738
1739It is epic in every way.
1740
1741So basically i was trying to post on the forum, but before i could morgan yelled, "OH!!" in my ear really loudly. And then we did that.
1742
1743you guys seriously look like twins. 
1744
1745special and a half, you two. 

and shaz is right... you two do look a lot alike. i don't know that i'd go so far as to say you look like twins, though...
1746
1747Haha actually we don't really look alike, but it's hard to tell since morgan spends most of his time in the background as a blur 
1748
1749i watched it like 20 times....you look alike there....maybe not in person, but there.
1750
1751

Haha fair enough, i'll give you that that might be true. If you're lucky and willing to pay the price, that is.
1752Yeah i burnt popcorn in my dorm last week and everyone who walked through the hall was loudly annoyed by the smell. I, on the other hand, was loudly annoyed by their loud annoyance. A vicious cycle twas indeed.
1753
1754throw the popcorn at them
1755
1756Unfortunately i had already thrown it all at several pesky neanderthals who teleported into my room at that moment.
1757________________-
1758Arizona has a lot more than sand and buildings. There's also cactus. And mountains.
1759
1760And palo verde trees. Which are just like dead trees, but alive and green instead of black
1761
1762Which is really the main visible difference between dead and alive trees in the first place...
1763
1764cactus....only one?
1765
1766Yeah, i chopped down all the rest to corner the cactus market.
1767
1768Unfortunately for you, the cactus market is circular.
1769
1770that means round
1771Cribbage is cabbage for kids. It's like the new cabbage patch kids.
1772
1773so cabbage patch kids are cribbage patch?
1774
1775Absolutely. As long as you tell them not to eat all the fajitas in my back pocket.
1776
1777Cribs: The Cabbage Patch
1778
1779Cribbage Patch: G-Money. For your growing street gangster. Comes with free gat
1780
1781yo, yo, M-Deezy, I need da hook-up wit one o'dem jauns.
1782And the question on everyone's lips today: What is the secret relationship between the javelin and the javelina? I'm here to answer that question, and more! 

At first glance, the deadly projectile weapon and the peaceful, plant-eating pig-animal would seem to be unrelated, even...different from one another. But every year more people are mistaking javelins for javelinas. It got so bad that last year one man fell into a javelina pit at a zoo and impaled himself on a javelin that was mistakenly returned there by one of the zoo keepers. When asked about the incident, the zoo keeper defended himself saying, "Hey, I don't even work here!" In another related case, in Africa a hunter was injured when he attempted to stab a wild rhinoceros with his javelin. Unfortunately, his javelin ended up being a baby javelina. Needless to say, the rhinoceros wasn't fooled. The only thing that saved the man's life was that the rhinoceros ate the javelina first, giving the man time to find a real javelin and kill the rhinoceros. Little did the man know that rhinoceros's have no plural form, and also have a secret alliance with javelins. The man's body was never found, and police blithely assume he and the rhinoceros became friends and eloped together. 

So now we are being joined by expert javelin specialist extraordinaire: Loren Bubbico. He's here to tell all you listeners out there how to properly handle a javelin, in the case you mistake it for a javelina. Okay Bubbs, take it away. 

Thank you Hank the Tank, i'm honored to be here today. Now, the first thing you need to know about javelins and javelinas is that even though their names are spelled extremely similarly, they are in fact pronounced differently. Here's a little known fact for you: if you happen to stumble across a wild javelina, it will actually be a javelin 9 times out of 10. That is how similar the two are in size, shape, smell, density, and taste. The main, and in fact only, other difference is that javelins are about pi times deadlier than javelinas and can move at the speed of smoke. I think it's because there's only one "a" in javelin, just like in "atomic bomb", whereas javelina has two "a"'s, as in "not that dangerous". Here's a good mnemonic device to remember how to deal with javelin and javelina encounters respectively. "Javelin" sounds incredibly similar to "jab in", as in "Run or that javelin will jab you in the face!" That's how you know to run if you encounter a wild javelin. "Javelina" on the other hand, starts with "have a", as in "Hi there javelina, i hope you have a really swell day!". Ironically, javelin also sounds like violin. That's all i've got for you today Hank the Drank! 

My, wasn't that informative and compelling as always? I already thought that javelins and violins were distant cousins anyways! If you're still listening at this point, i can only assume that it's because you're fascinated by the javelin-javelina paradox, as modern scientists are calling it, and i know you're intensely curious to learn more. I know i sure am! So now let's hear from acclaimed neurologist, Sigmund the Not-Half-Bad!! 

Ha ha ha, thank you Hank-erchief! I'd first like to say that i know nothing about either javelins or javelinas, and that in fact i do not know what either of them is besides what i have already heard on this show today. But they don't call me the Not-Half-Bad because i'm not good at BS-ing my way through things when i'm in way over my head! Now, from what i know of the javelin-javelina paradox, the main paradox is that javelins float, while javelinas do not know how to swim. In the words of famous German swimmer Hans Brot: "In order to swim, one must first know how to float." And truly, it is intriguing how two species that appear to be so similar can treat water so differently. Indeed, even though the javelin is known to be able to navigate through water like a frog hopping on lilies in a pond, the javelina requires water to navigate land like a frog hopping on leaves on the ground. But how many javelins does it take to build a bridge? Only time will tell. The answer is surely less than the number of javelinas it would take to build a javelin. 

Mm...those facts/insights were as juicy as always. And now for the grand finale of this broadcast! We are declaring today and every day henceforth as National Javejavelina Day (pronounced: Have-A-Jav-A-Lean-A Day)! So it's time for you to do your part to get up, get out there, and create awareness of the plight of the Javejavelina! 

Tune in next week to hear all about a modern English dilemma, the trouble English teachers face with irony and ironing!
1783
1784i would read that but i'm waaaaaay too lazy....say it all in one sentence and i'll read it.
1785
1786But putting it all in one sentence would require...effort.
1787
1788gah....the dreaded E-word!
1789
1790You mean elephantitis? (almost made a really funny typo with that one)
1791
1792you almost said Elephant Tits, didn't you? 
1793it's LEGEND TIME!!!!!!!!!!! 

Once upon a time there wasn't a nonlegendary telekinetic sentient superweapon - rather there was a legendary psychokinetic hyperintelligent ultraweapon. Now, when Swaziland and Paraguay started making threatening overtures to each other, the ultraweapon, who we shall call Super Snuggly, decided he needed to teach them a lesson to keep them from fighting. So, he went to Paraguay and turned all of the government buildings into rambunctious toddlers. Then, he went to Swaziland and set fire to every single thrift store on the city block that Elvis had once peed on. He also left small slips of paper at the locations of the acts that said "To Whom It May Concern - Stop fighting or I'll do more stuff to you. xoxo Super Snuggly." Paraguay and Swaziland took these to the United Nations, who issued a warrant of arrest for Super Snuggly. All the armies in the world went to his house, but he had already fled to the U.N. headquarters by this time. He proceeded to burn it at a rate of one molecule per minute, starting with a diagonal line along the Western wall. It wasn't long before someone noticed and called security, and soon all the armies in the world came back. They tried to apprehend Super Snuggle, but since he started at the top of the building they couldn't reach him. So they called in the air force. Some helicopters came and tried to grab him, but as soon as they did they became primitive tribesmen with a burning need to perform various sacred ceremonies and ran off. They decided they were just going to bomb the U.N. building instead. So they cleared everyone away and launched a million nukes at it. The building was utterly destroyed, as well as everything in hundreds of miles from there, but Super Snuggly was quite unharmed. The resulting nuclear fallout resulted in the subsequent extermination of all life on the planet, except for Super Snuggly.
1794hmmm.....I wonder why nobody ever uses cockroaches as a spreader of the zombie virus in their stories.
1795
1796Well would you want to cause a worldwide panic when people realize that being bitten by a cockroach makes you a zombie?
1797
1798um.....yes?
1799
1800So that's why they call you the Dastardly Devil That Devotes Dimensions of Diabolical Derision to Destroying, Defiling, and Debunking Deadly Demonstrating Deer?!?!?!
1801
1802you forgot the Duke of Debauchery part....to the Dungeon with you!
1803
1804I challenge you to a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DUEL!!!
1805
1806yeah?....well, I challenge YOU to a duel....which means.....a dual duel!!!! 

oh, snap!
1807
1808*snaps* 
Now let's get down to business...to defeat the Huns!
1809
1810*chops off Atilla's feet* 

defeated.....what's next?
1811
1812Now we duel...with his feet. Would you like the left or the right?
1813
1814hmmmm....left. 

*throws the right foot in the ocean* 

whoops, looks like your weaponless......I win.
1815
1816Never! *cuts off his own right foot* I came prepared to this little shindig.
1817
1818now for the rules: 

first one to the finish line without dropping their foot wins 

*runs*
1819
1820Ha, you can't hold on to your foot when I do this! 

*throws a banana peel in front of shaz*
1821
1822*rides the banana peel to the finish line* 

wazzah!!!!
1823
1824But...but...i lose? That goes entirely against the law of physics that says that i never lose.
1825
1826*defies gravity and flies to walker* 

it's ok....I'm used to not paying attention to the rules.
1827
1828Yeah, who has the money to pay attention anyways?
1829They yellin all up in the bleachers. Whole crowd yellin cuz they know that i'mma get it.
1830
1831And, by "They" you mean "Squirtle", "yellin" you mean "is", "all" you mean "a", "up" you mean "pokemon", "in" you mean "and", "the" you mean "many", "bleachers" you mean "people", and then no period, "whole" you mean "slurp", "crowd" you mean "slurpable", "yellin" you mean "things", "cuz" you mean "on", "they" you mean "a", "know" you mean "daily", and "that i'mma get it" you mean "basis"?
1832
1833So i actually meant: Squirtle is a pokemon and many people slurp slurpable things on a daily basis? 
Sounds right to me.
1834
1835Good. Well, maybe "good" isn't exactly the best word to describe the situation. Kind of like when you're climbing up out of a volcano into a helicopter when this dude with long tentacle arms grabs the helicopter. You probably wouldn't describe that as a "good" situation either. Admittedly though, this isn't exactly the same situation. But, I think it could be argued, it's close. It's close.
1836
1837Close is a completely ambiguous word because it is completely relative. By being related to distance, closeness means being in the same proximity as some other thing. But proximity is also relative to distance. So close and proximity are cousins, because distance is time's sister. Both of which are children of lunch.
1838
1839just call me the nickelmaster
1840
1841Hah more like the nickelpastor.
1842
1843morgan, give me my Nickelback
1844
1845Sounds like a rap cue!!
1846
1847holla if you ain't blue
1848There is an obscure botanical term called "sporange", but depending on where you look it may or may not rhyme with orange. First of all, it doesn't appear in most dictionaries. In Webster's Third Unabridged Dictionary, it appears with two pronunciations, one that rhymes with orange being one of them. But, in the Oxford English Dictionary, it only has one pronunciation, and it doesn't rhyme with orange. So, does it have a rhyme? Maybe, but maybe not. 

Hurple is an archaic Scottish word that rhymes with purple. 

To the best of my knowledge, words without true rhymes include silver, month, monster, bachelor, almond, angst, aspirin, breadth, cannabis, chocolate, different, elbow, engine, film, golf, hostage, foible, fugue, galaxy, iron, justice, luggage, neutron, office, sanction, sandwich, transfer, wolf, stubborn, chimney, depth, apricot, dictionary, olive, pizza, plankton, xylophone, chaos, angry, rhythm, shadow, circus, crayon, glimpsed, empty, width, else, diamond, chocolate, penguin, anxious
1849
1850chocolate is on there twice....does that mean it rhymes with itself?
1851Yeah, this is why i'm a world famous lyricist. I kinda want to make a song now where i rhyme jesus with freeze us...
1852
1853go for it.
1854
1855Hmm.... 

Here goes: 

Yo Jesus! 
Don't freeze us! 
Go! Go!
1856
1857awesome. 

when's the album come out? 

i'm totally buying it.
1858
1859Well we're still working on it. We already made the hit singles "Pee on the Floor", "We Don't Shave", and "Milk That Farma Boy". Gotta get the other 9-10 songs done though.
1860
1861Milk that farma boy?....oh, I've got to hear that one.
1862(ignore the borderline below this)
1863 It's a remake of Crank Dat by Soulja Boy. We've even got a sick dance that goes along with it.
1864Under no circumstances do the Gargoyles enter the sun.
1865
1866i remember the cartoon Gargoyles.
1867
1868I remember the gargoyle Cartoon. He was a wily one.
1869
1870
1871*drums her fingers on the keys, trying to figure out what to type* 

*coughs* 

*still has no idea what to type* 

*should really be working on her stupid comp project right now, but isn't, since Sibelius was making her mad*
1872
1873Is that like syphilis?
1874
1875not really.
1876
1877So who is/was Sibelius? Sounds Latin.
1878
1879Sounds ethno-latino.
1880
1881 I'm looking for divine and a little intervention. Can anyone assist me?
1882
1883isn't that a music writing program....my cousin was just talking about that.
1884
1885No but it is a nice line in Lil Wayne's "The Sky Is The LImit". The next lines are: "Birds don't fly without my permission, I'm prolly in the sky flying with the fishes, or maybe in the sea swimming with the pigeons, my world is different like dwayne wade, you say you want trouble, *girl* i want the same thing".
1886
1887Yes, it is in that, but it's also a music writing program. "Divine and a Little Intervention", written by God to write musixx
1888
1889Did you hear that one song by God? It was pretty good. He needs a new drummer though.
1890
1891Yeah I did it was pretty excellent. He doesn't need a different drummer though just a second one. Maybe three for kicks
1892
1893Yeah, i really want to see him live. I hear he's coming to Gambier, Ohio, pretty soon. It's because we're in the bible belt and all. (not part of post: ignore the borderline right below this)
1894I heard he was going to be there next February 30th
1895Oh man, so i missed him this year?!?!
1896
1897no, its only next year. That's also the release date for voyage of the jerle shannara: snakes on an airship
1898
1899I hear the tagline is "Motherf*%ing snakes on this motherf&^%ing airship!"
1900
1901Well it's that except you left out the first bit: "I love all these-".
1902
1903
1904well, snakes DO have those quick tongues.
1905
1906and Jacobson's Organs
1907
1908Snaky snakes snaking stakes staked snaky stakes.
1909
1910I just said that 900 times fast without making any mistakes.
1911
1912*tears the forum up like it's a bad report card*
1913
1914owwwwwwwwwwww you tore up my report card maeth!
1915Tongue physics: 

The amount of juice on the tongue, J, is proportional to the amount of hair that can be licked, H, by: 
J = H^2. 
The amount of hair that can be licked, H, is proportional to the length of the tongue, L, by: 
H=L. 
Therefore the amount of juice on the tongue, J, is proportional to the length of the tongue, L, by: 
J=L^2. 
Finally, the amount of milk that can be slurped from an udder a second, M, is proportional to the amount of juice on the tongue, J, by: 
M=1/J^3. 

The juicier the tongue, the less milk you can slurp per second. Let that be a lesson to you all.
1916
1917Nice. Looks like they know the important things to teach at your college
1918
1919Yeah, it's actually a junior-level course. I'm just really advanced in that area. I dedicated my whole life to it.
1920
1921??????????????(probably something evil)
1922
1923What if a monkey made you a ham sandwich? Would you eat it then?
1924
1925If the MONKEY made the sandwich with no MEAT and no MAYONNAISE, then YES, I WOULD EAT IT!!!
1926sounds like someone needs a sense-beating
1927My mind is so advanced that i think in ebonic sign language.
1928
1929Mine is so advanced that it thinks in nine different languages simultaneously, none of which actually exist. Whoops, I meant chopped liver.
1930
1931Well i'm so advanced i don't even use my brain anymore.
1932
1933oh yeah? well, i don't even have a brain!
1934Look up in the sky! It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it's... one of them little batman symbol things. Except it has a lizard in it.
1935
1936Oh Chamillionaire, such a trickster you.
1937Finally, an avatar I can get my milk behind.
1938
1939bravo, morgan, bravo.....now walker needs one with a person on crutches that says "it's hard out here for a gimp"
1940
1941or a demon and it says "it's hard out here for an imp"
1942
1943ooooh, I like that one.
1944
1945Hey, i'm Superman so that's my avatar and that's the end of the discussion.
1946
1947WRONG. HACKED!!!!!!!!!!
1948
1949oh, snap!
1950
1951Well not hacked so much as PERSUADED!! 

It is hard out here for a chimp...
1952I found a little pot at target the other day...
1953
1954I knew there was something wrong with that store-chain!
1955
1956....which store was that?....I know some people who would love to shop there. 
1957
1958it's a grow your own plant in a little pot for $1 
1959
1960You mean grow your own pot with a little plant?
1961
1962well, the plant is hidden IN the pot, labled as pot... but, with a picture of another plant. It's ingenious really!
1963
1964Wow lucky you. You can sue them for all their money.
1965
1966psh... rather, that's how I can seel it and MAKE all my money... I mean... what are you talking about? I'm purely innocent!
1967
1968seel? like the pokemon?
1969
1970psh, yeah.. only my second greatest creation! they hide the gots on their tongues... like they help that badge of Misty's gym... 

wow... I feel like such a nerd for remembering that...
1971
1972wow...I had totally forgotten about Pokemon until it was mentioned. 
1973
1974my friend and I cracked out the old game boy colors and are planning on a pokemon battle soon. only on the red vs yellow game. I got a charmander. His name is PIMP. Pretty Hot, wont lie. He's always lightenin it up and really knows how to turn up the heat 
1975
1976it turns out that Matteo Ricci, Johann Adam Schall von Bell and Fredinand Verbiest invented pokemon in an attempt to win the Chinese over to Christianity in the 15 and 1600's
1977To make this statement weird, I'm going to make it relevant to the current subject in this thread, which isn't normal for me, making it weird. 

Crap, I already messed up. Turns out that I can't use a single idea to state that I'm going to be relevant to a subject AND also be relevant to said subject at the same time. Unless said subject was about making statements relevant to subjects.
1978
1979Which it was not, much to the unfortunatuity of your cause. And yes, that is unfortunatuity. I make words when i want.
1980
1981i make words when I don't want.
1982
1983I don't want words that I make.
1984Has any one ever noticed the difference a little "s" in a word can make? If i walked up to a police officer and said, "I'm going to hit you with my words", he would just think i'm weird. But if i walked up to that same officer and said, "I'm going to hit you with my swords", he would probably tase me before realizing i didn't actually have any swords...
1985
1986but if you got that s you added to words FROM his taser, he would be forced to tae you, which wouldn't be a big deal
1987have you ever been talking to someone and known they're not listening to a word you say, but kept talking anyway just to see what they do? 

i do that all the time.
1988
1989haha yeah, then I turn it into insulting... I called someone some nasty stuff to his face... and he never noticed.... 
1990
1991i've done that before too.
1992
1993Yeah, it turns out that a lot of my long posts that are incredibly bizarre and random in fact are just covers for me to insult you all wildly, which I do in the middle after everyone has stopped reading.
1994
1995clever
1996
1997And effective.
1998
1999I also do it in a secret code so it STILL looks like randomness. That's how good I am.
2000
2001that was an insult right there, wasn't it?
2002
2003There's only 4 people on the planet that know the answer to that question. Those being me, and 3 others that know the code.
2004
2005STILL means "Suck this illegal lifeless lollipop", doesn't it?....did I break the code?
2006every time i think candy, that's what pops into my head.
2007
2008every time i think candy, i think 
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2009Already have this from above. Nicely done. Could use a rewrite. A bit more care about the order in which you take things up reduces the number of "links" and is less confusing. By symmetry, a~x. Ask me about this, too. Ta is not equal to the empty set.
2010
2011Sounds like your teacher can't make up her mind about whether your proof is good or not.
2012i was only 8 years old when i first had to urge, urge!!!!!!!
2013
2014*urges the urge to urge*
2015
2016*takes it to the Fridge Bridge*
2017
2018*snatches batches*
2019
2020
2021
2022
2023
2024
2025
2026
2027
2028
2029
2030
2031
2032Shaz if someone joined the forum with the name "Kablammm" and started repeating every post you posted, what would you do?
2033
2034start posting things like "Kablammm is so stupid he posted a post saying how stupid he is"
2035
2036So if that didn't work and they just replaced it with bad things about you, how much would you be willing to pay to have him removed?
2037
2038i'd get rid of him for 5 lightbulbs
2039
2040Unfortunately that is not worth it for me to go create this user, do what i said, and then remove the account.
2041
2042 by "removed", do you mean whacked?
2043
2044eye poking freaks me out. after you've seen the jelly inside, you never want it to get out.
2045
2046Ah the inside of a jelly doughnut is the most peaceful place on the breakfast table.
2047
2048but that's where the bugs are
2049I bet none of you have ever heard the tragic tale of Yo Ming.
2050
2051Yo Ming? Is he like Jackie Chun?
2052
2053Yo, yo.
2054
2055Well, I am very aware of the tragic tale of Yo Ming. All started in our sophomore year of high school.
2056
2057Ming the Conqueror?
2058
2059No, Yao Ming's younger brother. He was going to play for the Phoenix Suns in the NBA, but then he was horribly injured in a car accident involving one of our friends as he was driving from the airport... tragically passed away after a year in a coma in the hospital. Our friend was uninjured.
2060
2061I'm outside 24 hours a day, when I'm camping. And I am whenever I can. Other than that, I'm only outside when I'm walking from my house to my car, and my car to my stereo, that I keep in the desert.
2062changing my real name?....that'd be like slapping my parents in the face....couldn't do it.
2063
2064I could do it for you.
2065
2066change my name or slap my parents?
2067
2068I could do both.
2069
2070I could do all three.
2071
2072All this Doctor Who talk reminds me of this one time when some hooligans were skateboarding through my lawn and I told those whippersnappers to get off my lawn
2073
2074and then they jumped in a telephone booth and were transported to another time?
2075
2076Well, I built this machine that LOOKED like a phone booth, and they did indeed jump into it. However, as I said, I had built it, and I had built it with very specific purposes in mind, especially in regards to hooligans. I knew they'd always go for it. And so I use it. To harvest. The goods. When they enter. And, IF they come out again 

they know that my property is not the place to be no mo'
2077
2078you extract their hair follicles?
2079
2080Well, that certainly seems like it'd be the obvious answer, which is precisely why I don't harvest that. Instead, I take strips off of each fingernail, 3 strips, each 24th of an inch wide, running from the tip to the base spread apart evenly.
2081
2082that sounds slightly painful.
2083
2084It also knows how to write the Korean alphabet backwards, forwards, and inside out.
2085That's like sending Borat to Europe with nothing but a basket of human vomit.
2086
2087That was MY idea!
2088
2089But i'm the one who copyrighted it, so officially it's my idea.
2090
2091It doesn't matter, that's the pitch I sent them the day after Borat came out, then they gave me a million dollars, then never did anything with it. So it's not important.
2092
2093Wait, why have i not seen any of this money?
2094
2095Because they robbed me with the 7 deadly jewels of destiny after giving me the money
2096
2097But...but...those are so...hairy...
2098
2099Exactly, that's the problem. Unstoppable power
2100
2101I seem to have missed something.
2102
2103No you haven't. You know exactly as much as you need to about this.
2104Looking for a good landscaper? Check it out. 

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2105You thought the wedding was terrifying? Wait for all the affordable packages.
2106Gummi worms in dirt are fun.
2107
2108Fun, as in edible?
2109
2110Fun, as in if there was any more fun the universe would implode because all the particles in it would be trying to get to where said fun was taking place
2111
2112Ah, that's obviously what he meant, how silly of me.
2113While wandering around the back alley, you find a circle of men surrounding two roosters engaged in mortal combat. One of them is a sleek, well-fed, big red rooster. He appears to be holding a bowl of cereal... odd. The other is a big white rooster with a red comb. He has a curious crow -- to your gringo ears, it sounds like "I say, I say, I say BOY! I say, I say, I say..." 

A dirty old man with an eyepatch sees you lurking around the perimeter and confronts you. 

"Hey, señor, you want to bet on the fight? The red one's name is Tapajunta Del Maiz -- he is favored to win. The white one's name is Cuerno De La Pierna Del Cuerno De La Niebla. He is the underdog. Would you care to place a wager?" 

-Bet 500 on Tapajunta Del Maiz 
-Bet 500 on Cuerno De... the other one 
-Walk away in disgust
2114
2115What happens if you punch the man in the face?
2116
2117I immediately waste him with my laser carbine!
2118Pardon me, but did I just see you come out of that water bottle?
2119*Ebolas an Austrian*
2120
2121Don't you mean e-coli?
2122
2123He meant that ebola likes e-coli but is totally too shy to say anything to e-coli and decided to go find some beef that e-coli was in so it could be all "oh hello there e-coli fancy meeting you here haha so let's kill some peeps am I right?"
2124
2125No, no, no. That's mutated rams. They like videos, by the way.
2126
2127 do they watch videos of mutated ewes?
2128
2129What's an "ewes," anyway?
2130
2131 Eyes spelled with a "w".
2132At once deeply realistic and shot through with curious magics... Morgan's new look at a classic tale is clever...richly detailed and engagingly peopled... breathe a long sigh of relief, for at last, the wait is over. Morgan Leah's Mohney!!! takes us beyond the curtain of the cursive scrawl of 'The End' that normally bars our way, past the famous folklore kisses, past everything we've come to know of classic folktales, and on into a realm that will open your tear ducts even as it opens your eyes... Mohney!!! is so much more than merely that ancient tale with a modern twist... Morgan's prose is a model of narrative clarity; the author never says more than is needed or arbitrarily withholds information, yet even a simple declarative sentence carries a delicious hint of further revelation.
2133
2134Wow sounds like a must-read situation. But seriously, get out of my tear ducts.
2135
2136Mohney!!!: It's like bypass surgery for your tear ducts.
2137
2138I especially like the use of exclamation marks in the title. Lends a sense of excitement to the work.
2139
2140It actually lends deep emotional depth. Of emotion.
2141
2142It's like a well of emotion for your thirsty emotionless soul.
2143
2144Except that emotion is not a liquid, but a solid.
2145
2146What is a solid really but a very immobile liquid?
2147
2148Generally speaking, a solid is a series of molecules with sufficient rigidity and security in their intermolecular bonds as to prevent independent particle movement at at the molecular level, whereas in liquids they are free to move amongst each other. So no, they really aren't the same.
2149
2150for a second, i thought that said "germanly speaking"
2151Generally speaking, those with cars do not deserve their licenses.
2152
2153so true....oh, wait....that's me.
2154
2155In that case, I request you use your driver's license as a molotov cocktail within the next day.
2156
2157Suggestions are for people with ears.
2158No holy coincidence is simple. It's part of the 16th amendment.
2159
2160The text of the 16th amendment is as follows: 

"A loyal partner returned to switch enemies without prisms."
2161
2162Yeah it's written between the lines.
2163
2164There's only one line. Half of one actually.
2165
2166I already don't know what's going on.
2167
2168Mission: Accomplished 
Next Mission: Impossible 
Tom Cruise: Negative 
*after some quick algebra* 
It turns out that 7*(Tom Cruise) = infinite possibilities 
Next Mission: Guaranteed
2169Wait a second. Waitasecond? 

I don't see what's wrong with Priests Who Prosletyze. Mainly because it's what they're supposed to do.
2170
2171What about Porcupines Wearing Plaid?
2172
2173Or, Predictions Without Purity.
2174
2175Positively Whistling Porpoises
2176
2177haha pwp, like poop
2178I look good in my lac
2179
2180Top dropped in my 'lac.
2181
2182Clearly you don't know what a lac is.
2183
2184It's like a caddy.
2185
2186no, a lac is a localized anionic corpse
2187
2188That's redundant. It goes without saying a corpse is localized.
2189
2190It's the anionization that is localized.
2191
2192No one even knows what that means.
2193That entirely depends on what part of the whale you're eating. And no, i never wonder about that.
2194
2195he's eating the dork
2196
2197Well, after planning to do something amusing with the dork thing, involving looking up the full set of definitions for it, I learned something new, and am no longer going to do the thing I planned to do.
2198
2199you're welcome.
2200This gentleman is wearing sunglasses: 
2201
2202That's not a gentleman, it's a smiling face.
2203
2204With sunglasses!
2205
2206well, he's a gentlemanly smiling face....he didn't even correct you, that's how nice he is.
2207
2208I think He's a P.I.M.P. 
2209
2210Playa In a Management Position?
2211
2212Practically Inept Municipal Precinct.
2213
2214Partially Inebriated Munchausen Persona?
2215
2216Particularly Interesting Musical Popsicle
2217
2218Every post ever made in this thread is now being confiscated by the government.
2219
2220And what, pray tell, will the government do with this thread?
2221
2222your mom?
2223Did you know that the phrase "minting coins" was originally coined because people used to use mint leaves as currency before metal was invented?
2224I want to mint a phrase!
2225
2226Look, Shaz, I'd like to let you mint a phrase, I really would, but if I let YOU do it, then I've gotta let that nice real-estate salesman do it, and that choir of castrated aliens, and every Joe, Bob and Root-Finding Technique that comes my way. And that is definitely too much work.
2227
2228The obvious solution is to eliminate all competitors.
2229
2230*blows things up*
2231*to find out what i am thinking at this ver minute click on the spoiler 

---->[SPOILER]--->[SPOILER]->[SPOILER]GAr fingernagal --->[SPOILER]damn these are alot of spoiler soon spoiled egs will get jealous ---->[SPOILER]SPOILERS ARE VERY ANNOYING AT TIMES SUCH AS THIS --->[SPOILER]yah mymind is empty sorry (no refunds!)[/SPOILER][/SPOILER][/SPOILER][/SPOILER][/SPOILER][/SPOILER] 

hmm can u read it without using your eyes??
2232
2233for some reason that post makes me want to hurt someone.
2234
2235it's the universal mind control implanted within it doing that
2236Oh well, i guess i should go baptize my stapler in peanut butter or something.
2237
2238I will sue you for stapler cruelty. And attempted drowning.
2239
2240You can't drown someone in peanut butter. It's a scientific FACT that peanut butter is too delicious to be a cause of death. Allergies don't count.
2241
2242Oh yeah? I breathed peanut butter once. And died three times because of it.
2243
2244Then what the goat pasture are you doing here?
2245
2246You don't know? Dude, the DMV offers 3 free revivals to ALL peanut butter asphyxiation victims. Unless they're right-wing Canadians. Then they get 4.
2247
2248The Division of Mummified Vampires does that? How generous.
2249Make no mistake, staked steaks are at stake.
2250If you aim to misbehave, what happens if you miss?
2251
2252You fall into the pit of one thousand noodles. And no one ever comes out of there in a coma.
2253So anyways, how about that airplane food?
2254
2255It's cooked by my ping pong table.
2256
2257You mean on your ping pong table?
2258
2259wait....they make edible airplanes now?....since when?....I want one!
2260
2261They're manufactured by the question.
2262
2263I bet the answer doesn't like that.
2264
2265The answer does what it's told.
2266
2267But I AM the answer.
2268
2269I thought that was Allen Iverson
2270
2271well, one thing is for sure, I am not Allen Iverson 
2272
2273Hehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!! 

I'll pwn you all to da bone and then you'll be begging for mercy, and i'll be all like, gives the them mercy for the 2 seconds and the then pwns them into the earth harder and you'll all be like the into the ground pwned and i'll be like that'll teach you a lesson and then morgan will gas up the place like he did at the awards ceremony and i'll be all like you're sich, quit gassing up the place, it costs money, and then everyone will be all help me i'm pwned beyond the bone, and i'll be like quiet n00bs or i'll chunk you up and you'll all be the like silent and i'll be the like that'll teach you the a lesson and you'll all be like u such, but everyone knows that i really pwn to da bone and beyond and so you'll all be lying and then i'll be like ha you such harder for lying about me suching when i really pwn all of you n00bs to the da bone and beyond and you'll all be groveling inside of the the ground for mercy and i'll be all like the not giving them mercy and will pwn them out of the ground for ten dollars and then i'd be rich and i'd be like ha i'm rich and i pwn you to da the core and you'll all be begging for forgiveness for doubting my pwnaging abilities and that will happen in one minute and in the next minute i'll pwn you all back into the earth so that you have to pay me ten dollars again, until you run out of money and then i'll be all the give me all of your possessions and you'd be all the no and i'd be all like, hey don't argue or i'll gas you up and you'd all argue so i;d gas the place up and then i'd be all like hey you n00bs that costs money and then since none of you had any money left to give me, the pwnager, i'd be the like the pwning you all hard enough so that you popped out of the grtound and the went to the take the money from people whom i the hadn't pwned into the submission yet and then i'd pwn you all into the ground again so that i could take your money and......... then i'd wake up from waking up from waking up fro m waking up from waking up from waking up from waking up from waking up from waking up from waking up from waking up and then it would still be reality and i would see exactly what i had seen because that was reality too. *takes breath* *is cut off before can start again* 

2274
2275Oh yea?! 
Well, after that, I'll go back in time and switch places with you so that I will be the one that does all of the aforementioned events but then I will stop the other me from doing that so that i will remain the master of all of those things you did and then you all would be, oh man, you're just too cool for me, and vote me ruler of the universe and id be all, no vandalism, because everything costs money, and id make the currency pwning, and since i would be the only person that can pwn, id be the only person with any money, so id buy everything in the universe and you would be all, oh man, give me some of the money or food or water or something like that, and i'd be all, well, for every hour you work, you'll get a sip of water and a bite of food, so everyone works nonstop for me, and they get just enough food and water to keep them alive so that they can keep working forever and ever and ever because they won't die because the planet they're on doesn't allow aging and they can work and i can pwn them forever and then one of them would probably eventually gas up the place, so id be all, hey, that costs money, and put them back on earth, and they'd be all, aging, and die, and eventually, almost everyone would gas up the place, and so they'd all get sent to earth, and id be all, lunch is the existent, and they'd be all, whoah, that must be your wiseness, you're just too cool for me, i promise i won't gas up the place anymore, so they all come back, and keep working, and i keep pwning them, and they're all, eat food, so i do, and then they all admit, especially walker, that i win the last post and the new last post wins and the even newer last post wins and the definitely not the last post wins and the i win thread and the ultimate i win thread and the last person to post in this thread wins a donkey, and i would win all of those forever and everyone else would post c00 and id be all, that's right f00s and theyd be all, whoah, that's more of your wisdom, i should remember that, and that's how it would be forever so thats da c00!
2276
2277who knows....maybe one of the conventions I go to will allow our paths to cross.
2278
2279conventions are just elaborate holographic projections, there's nothing actually there
2280
2281so, I'm flying to San Diego for nothing?.....sweet!
2282
2283no, you're flying to San Diego to walk around an elaborate holographic projection with a lot of other people who don't know that it's an elaborate holographic projection. You should tell all the fellow convention-goers all about it.
2284
2285I think I just might....just to see the reaction.
2286
2287Except that all the other convention-goers are holographic as well.
2288
2289No, the convention attendees are all real enough, its just the displays, officials, celebrities and all that that aren't there. It's quite a good joke, really.
2290Do as the ancient egyptians!
2291
2292And invent windows?
2293
2294no....invent toilet paper
2295
2296I was thinking worship sand, but that other stuff works too.
2297
2298i've always wanted to go back in time and see if the egyptians used toilet papyrus
2299
2300I would papyrus would be a very inconvenient toilet.
2301
2302I would think papyrus would be a very inconvenient toilet.
2303
2304a bit scratchy, but for that time, it'd be better than nothing.
2305
2306i think toilets would be very inconvenient papyrus
2307
2308i think toilets would be very inconvenient papyrus
2309
2310*writes on his toilet*
2311if I may offer some advice
2312
2313I think you forgot the triple period at the end of that morgan. 

it should read: 
if I may offer some advice...
2314
2315Nope. I'm beyond ellipses. SO far beyond them. They are as three small ants to me, now. Granted, really they were already. I mean, unless you put them at a font size of, like, 150. But I meant more in a metaphorical way, they are as ants because they are insignificant. And puny. And creepy. And something I will never ever use again. At least, until I forget that I said that, or change my mind. Which could very well happen in the next few minutes.
2316ca-caw?
2317
2318I didn't think crows could caw questioningly...
2319
2320Clearly you've never been to Singapore
2321
2322I have been to Singapore so many times that they built me my own Singaporean scooter.
2323
2324Well if you really had been to Singapore you would know that all of it's population consists of crows, and that all of these crows are very inquisitive
2325
2326Your definition of population is clearly outdated.
2327
2328No, it is indeed very current. It's so current that it would electrocute you even if you were wearing a rubber suit that was 100 feet thick on all sides
2329
2330I almost said "currents don't electrocute you". And then i remember about physics.
2331I saw a spiderPig once.
2332
2333It is from the movie which is based on the show which is based on a real-life family based on a book based on an ancient fisherman's tale based on a remake of another fisherman's tale based on the SImpson's movie.
2334
2335No, you're confusing spiderPigs with spikerPigs
2336
2337Those sound both deadly and cuddly.
2338
2339Well one is capable of spitting pure arsenic at a rate of 10 gallons per second (its mouth diameter is 5 inches, I'll leave it to you to figure out what velocity that is), and has 900 claws. The other only lives on Jupiter and even now plots to maneuver asteroids into the Earth. I'll leave which is which a mystery.
2340
2341IF i had to guess, and i don't, i'd say that one has ears the size of a small airplane, and one has a nose the width of a burning building. No those are called bounty hunters.
2342
2343starbucks sucks....it's just coffee with a different name and jacked up prices.
2344
2345*Picks up two random Pokeballs and throws them* 
2346
2347*Is surprised when both Starbucks, the one from the orginal Battlestar Galactica and the one from the new one, pop out* 
2348
2349*Is amused when they start arguing, and then start being friendly*
2350
2351*has never seen Battlestar Galactica, but is highly amused by the fact that there are two coffee shops arguing with each other in the thread*
2352
2353*wonders if the coffee shops will throw coffee at each other* 
2354
2355if they do, i'd better get out of the way... coffee's hot! 
2356
2357*sneaks away from the two arguing coffee shops* 
2358
2359oh, but what if they start throwing lemon pound cake? 
2360
2361*runs back up*
2362
2363*poisons any and all lemon pound cake within the coffee shops*
2364
2365*glares at Morgan*
2366*tackles jame and dyes his hair blue*
2367
2368Ack! 
2369
2370*Shaves his hair off* 
2371
2372 (shock) It grew back blue! Silver! What did you do to me?!?
2373
2374
2375blue hair is cool.
2376
2377yeah, and at least yours isn't in hot pink dreadlocks like Shazzy's! (lol smiley)
2378
2379dreads?....i thought it was just braided?
2380
2381i never said how many braids... or what kind. :P
2382WHOA! 
2383
2384my mind was pervier than shazzy's?! no way!!! 
2385
2386a teddy is a type of lingerie, dork.
2387
2388I got
2389
2390ooooh, yeah....see, that's a thing most chicks would know and guys might not get right away. :P
2391
2392wait... you're telling me that guys don't know about women's underwear? 
2393
2394wait, actually, i suppose that makes sense...
2395
2396money
2397
2398:?
2399
2400morgan, are you only posting two syllables at a time? 
2401
2402i wanna play!!!
2403yeah. i tried it once, because it was on sale... and it, like, burned my armpits until it dried... so, i threw it out and i'm never buying it again. 
2404
2405the worst part is, i hadn't even shaved that day, so it wasn't like i should have been sensitive... i would say i was allergic to something in it, but it only burned until the deodorant dried, and i didn't, like, break out in hives or anything...
2406
2407I broke out in hives once. There were bees EVERYWHERE
2408
2409Hm i never knew this thread existed...
2410
2411yeah, it's kind of a rip-off of the original weirdness game... but it's still fun. another chance to be obnoxious and spammy and not get banned for it.
2412
2413Isn't that the point of every thread in word games?
2414
2415Seriously, if this and weirdness game were it, walker and I would be long, looooooooong gone.
2416
2417and then i would cry a little. 
2418
2419because i would miss your randomness. 
2420
2421and/or the fact that you two are cool.
2422
2423its same to say its not all mutually exclusive
2424
2425Cool beans are the mana that keeps the mane on the lion. Without them, he would be maneless and would not have survived the holocaust.
2426
2427i have no idea what that means, but i like it!
2428
2429cheesy, twice-battered frieeeeeeeeeeeees: a SEIZURE OF FLAVOR
2430
2431And that is what Donald Rumsfeld said.
2432I got that sparta-like swagger and that athens-like brain. I got that roman-like dagger and that american-made Honda Prius.
2433
2434not gonna lie, the Prius is one of the ugliest cars i've ever seen.
2435
2436silver, don't be exactly half of an eleven-pound black forest ham
2437
2438morgan, don't be twelve pounds of chipped turkey breast at a german deli... 
2439
2440okay, okay, i give up. it's not as cool when i try to do it
2441Have you met my compatriot, Steven U-Turn Singleton?
2442
2443No but the name reminds me of my childhood. I was an amorphous blob of BMW's and i had but a single purpose. Reading between the lines
2444
2445say goodbye, say goodbye, my sheer sheer plastic
2446
2447THIS...IS...SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2448
2449*kicks Silver in the Pit of Death*
2450(eye roll) oh yeah forgot about the worst day ever... i mean Valentine's Day. 
2451
2452i'm not bitter at all... definitely not. (lol smiley)
2453
2454Then that only leaves sour sweet or salty!
2455
2456Really, valentines day is the 89th worst day of the year.
2457Give a man a eucalyptus tree and he'll seize the King
2458
2459However, give a koala a eucalyptus tree and he'll just eat it. What a waste of perfectly good
2460
2461bad
2462
2463My green shoelace hangs ominously on a whitewashed wall of satire. What should i do?
2464
2465I hear a triangle in the distance; it is The Way
2466
2467The Da-Daists versus the Goo Goo dolls! Who shall overcome the Guerilla Apes?!!
2468
2469I don't think he should be doing that to himself, but he doesn't know certain things, usually the ones that are the ones that look like canes but wouldn't hold weight.
2470
2471This bag will not support my weight.
2472
2473Then don't put your noodles around it.
2474
2475Oh ho oh ho. Hoe that oh so, jose.
2476
2477bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!
2478
2479Baby mama drama llamas!
2480
2481It turns out my favorite hobby is toting my wall outside.
2482
2483If you were to look over your shoulder two seconds ago you would see a mirror image of yourself looking into a well.
2484
2485But wells are just a alien conspiracy. Darn them, and their wanting a source of water for all!
2486
2487My isn't that zebra homophobic.
2488Yeah yeah WOOP WOOP!! Why you all in my ear?! 
2489Talking a whole bunch of stuff that I ain't tryin' to hear?!
2490
2491get back, get back, you don't know me like that!
2492
2493wow, WoW? (lol)
2494
2495That reminds me of the time when I was talking to chacha trying to find out if Argentina was Argentinan for Bananaland and after that they were like "anything else we can WOW you with" and I was like "I don't understand you're going to world of warcraft me?"
2496talk about being a little short in the numbers
2497
2498Sometimes i wonder if height restrictions at amusement park rides are just a subtle government way of discriminating against short people. And hobbits.
2499
2500LET FRODO RIDE!!!
2501
2502Hobbits are the ultimate hors d'ouvre.
2503
2504And the irony is that the hobbits can't see or hear french!
2505Two bananas sit on a tree. One banana says to the other banana: "Wass goin' aawn maeh?!"
2506
2507"maeh?!?!? maeh?!?!??!! Death to all that hurl thermite!!!"
2508
2509But then how does we the wallet sewers London dimes make?
2510
2511I advise 7000 doses of 9000 grams of cyanide, to be taken every millisecond.
2512
2513But that's 6999 more doses of 8999 more grams of cyanide than is needed to kill one african boy every two seconds!
2514
2515precisely (devil grin)
2516
2517Sounds like a pin should be jabbed in that telephone until it tells me what i want to hear!
2518Heh heh, little do you know that i am anathema to poison! I'm poison to poison!
2519
2520*is still on the phone with poison control* 
2521
2522yeah, i think he's delusional... something about being poisonous to poison... 
2523
2524umm... yeah, actually, his name is walker. 
2525
2526you're serious? 
2527
2528okay. sorry for bothering you. 
2529
2530*hangs up* 
2531
2532*pulls out a bottle of corn syrup and leaves it on the table*
2533
2534If i was delusional could i do this?!?!!?!?!?! 
2535
2536*runs out of the room*
2537
2538actually, yes. you probably could.
2539
2540Well if i'm not dead by now then it's quite obvious that i'm going to live forever.
2541
2542i believe there's a flaw in your logic, sir. 
2543
2544you see, it's all in the yin and yang... the natural duality of life as we know it. 
2545
2546without death, there can be no life. 
2547
2548so, in order to truly live, everything must die. 
2549
2550tolkien had it all wrong when he came up with the elves.
2551
2552Hah, if the purpose of life is to die then there's no point to life. And if life is pointless than i'll obviously live forever because i do what i want.
2553
2554all of that stuff would be true but it turns out that this universe is woven from only the finest in camel belly hairs
2555end source: shhh dont bring up shaz's size he gets very confused and sad when it happens
2556
2557By it, i assume you mean "a volcano erupts and spews 14 lbs of human hair, jelly beans, and moon rocks per second into the middle of an inflatable watermelon, causing farmers worldwide to go to war against the man".
2558Yo...yo ming. 
2559Yo...yo ming. 
2560Yo...yo mingin. 
2561Yo mingin yo yo ming.
2562i'm sorry to hear that... would you like a hug?
2563
2564*hugs a random giant teddy bear* 
2565
2566*realizes it's a real bear* 
2567
2568*runs*
2569
2570Real bears are not only largely unhuggable, but also fierce lovers.
2571
2572didn't know that....now i'm disturbed slightly.
2573In Bolivia haikus are used as bait for wild Bolivian hogs. When the haikus are burned, the sweet incense causes the hogs to come running in 5's, 7's and 5's. They are slaughtered and sold in the same pattern.
2574for 5 cents a day, YOU can save an adult cartoon 
2575
2576*shows picture of sad-faced, starving adult cartoons*
2577
2578A more important issue is that pigs all over the globe are spontaneously transforming into avant-garde art sculptures. Among other things, this means worldwide bacon shortage. More importantly, for only 4 cents a day, you can help us stop this.
2579I know no science but the science of the scientificated scientology
2580
2581Which is the only real science among those who are too inept to grate their cheese and eat it too.
2582If you replace every other noun in a chorus of a song with cheese, any song is made about 10 times better. Check out this sample from Heartless by Kanye West: 
2583Real song: 
2584In the night i hear them talk 
2585The coldest story ever told 
2586Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul 
2587To a woman so heartless 
2588
2589My version: 
2590In the cheese I hear them talk, 
2591The coldest story ever told 
2592Somewhere far along this cheese he lost his soul 
2593To a cheese so heartless 
2594
2595I know, it's amazing.
2596
2597hmmmm....my turn: 
2598
2599Real: 
2600It was a monday, when my lover told me, 
2601"never pay the reaper with love only." 
2602What could i say to you, except, "i love you." 
2603And "i'd give my life for yours." 
2604
2605Cheesed: 
2606It was a cheese, when my cheese told me, 
2607"never pay the cheese with cheese only." 
2608What could i say to cheese, except, "i love cheese." 
2609And "i'd give my life for cheese." 
2610
2611well, the last two lines are pretty amusing.
2612
2613Exactly. Although i personally think it's funnier with only every other noun, that way it makes just enough sense to be completely random. 
2614Here's another good one: Jumper by Third Eye Blind 
2615Real song: 
2616I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend 
2617You could cut ties with all the lies you've been living in 
2618And if you do not want to see me again 
2619I would understand 
2620
2621Cheese version: 
2622I wish you would step back from that cheese my friend 
2623You could cut cheese with all the lies you've been living in 
2624And if you do want to see cheese again 
2625I would understand
2626
2627not bad....you should start a "Cheesed Lyrics" website.
2628
2629Then i'd better go make my own thread.
2630
2631huzzah....will post there when i have time to remember lyrics!
2632
2633*sigh* 
2634
2635you guys are special. (lol)
2636
2637Cheese lyrics = awesome
2638Isn't that a funny logical flaw we use daily? 
2639
2640"Well, since i associate myself with that, it's okay if i say demeaning things about it" 
2641"Oh that's mine so i'm allowed to make fun of it, but you're not" 
2642"What'd you say about my momma boy?"
2643
2644actually, I make fun of just about anything....boundaries were meant to be crossed.....as the Mexicans would say.
2645
2646Yeah, but they only started saying that after we'd already invaded their country and taken new mexico and arizona from them.
2647
2648you mean, those are part of the US?
2649
2650Well i'm from arizona and they don't call me a mexican. Instead they call me a "me-hee-con-o", and i don't know what that is.
2651
2652I think that's French.....for Shot Calla
2653*pops in after several days' absence* 
2654
2655bonjour, mes amis! Vouz m'avez manqué... (Not sure if I conjugated that right....) 
2656
2657what have i missed?
2658
2659More milk than you can HANDLE!
2660
2661milk and hair.
2662
2663The only milk i drink comes straight from a cow when i'm milking it. I milk that hairy juice right onto my tongue and slurp that milk all day long boehs.
2664
2665Your ideas intrigue me. How do I subscribe to your newsletter?
2666
2667You must devote your life to He Who Must Not Be Shaved.
2668
2669Devote my life to some weird old gnarly Dude in India with a 22 foot long beard that I saw a picture of in the Guinness Book of World Records whilst wasting away in 9th grade detention??? 
2670
2671Okay....you've sold me. 
2672I'm in.
2673
2674No, that man who you saw is surely an imposter. For He Who Must Not Be Shaved has not yet been born to this world, but when he is, he shall bring hair to the people, and the people shall be hairy.
2675
2676He Who Must Not Be Shaved will not be bare 
2677For He shall have tons and tons of hair 
2678Spreading and Shedding through the air 
2679His wonderful hair for all to share
2680
2681Ah, shaz is a prophet!
2682i can honestly say i've never been held out of a window... or knocked unconscious... 
2683
2684*tries to make a crystal ball out of a grain of rice*
2685
2686Your first mistake is in assuming rice is made of crystals. Your second mistake is in assuming that rice can be a ball. And your third and greatest mistake is that you tried.
2687Instead of representing my actions with *--*, i'm going to start narrating for myself.
2688
2689I'm filling a water bottle with moldy wheat. Now i'm swinging it in the air like i just don't care.
2690
2691That's... Disgusting.
2692what about florange?
2693
2694no, that's pronounced "flow-rain-gee"
2695
2696I flow like rain cuz i'm a G?
2697
2698precisely
2699
2700That reminds me of, do re mi blah blah blah te.
2701
2702from the sound of musixx?
2703
2704No from Justice, Gender, & Family by Susan Okin.
2705
2706sounds like something that would aid one in a quest for justice
2707Vowels have vowels in them.
2708
2709and my hair is on fire
2710
2711If smokey prevents forest fires, who prevents smokey from preventing forest fires?
2712
2713my rifle
2714
2715Is it genocide if a unique thing is put out of existence?
2716
2717no but it'd be a unique thing if genocide was put out of existence
2718
2719That is deep.
2720you get paid?....I work pro-bone-o
2721
2722Pro Bono is the name of the company that i would create if i didn't have use of my hands, tongue, kidney, or larnyx.
2723
2724did the guy from U2 sue you?
2725
2726No, that'd be racist against disabled people.
2727I might go watch silence of the lambs instead
2728
2729I silence lambs by shoving hair in their throats.
2730
2731what's with your obsession with hair lately, sir? 
2732
2733you're not developing a fetish, are you? 
2734
2735because if you are, i might have to go shave my head.
2736
2737Hey, hair and milk have been in for a while now, you just never noticed til now. It's all the rage.
2738
2739Hair, milk and juice. The trifecta.
2740http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/HardOutHereForBlimp.jpg
2741
2742It's getting hot in herrrre.
2743Golf Course | Massachusetts, USA 
2744
2745(I’m a greenskeeper on a golf course and am doing some work on a green, moving the hole. I pull the pin (flag) out, which is the universal symbol for “the green is closed, don’t shoot”. As I’m doing my work, this happens…) 
2746
2747Member: “Fore on the green! Fore on the green!” 
2748
2749(I look up to see blue sky and a little white speck flying at me. I turn my back and the golf ball hits me square in my one good kidney. I drop like a bag of potatoes, and the member casually strolls up to the green.) 
2750
2751Member: “Are you ok?” 
2752
2753Me: “No, I need to get to a hospital, it hit my good kidney.” 
2754
2755Member: “What the **** were you doing on the green? You’re not supp–” 
2756
2757Me: “Did you just hear me? I need an ambulance!” 
2758
2759Member: “Don’t interrupt me, you little *******! Now move so I can putt!” 
2760
2761(I grab my radio and get my superintendent, who rushes out in his cart on the phone with 911. After he hangs up, he turns to the member.) 
2762
2763Superintendent: “Didn’t you see the pin was down?! You could have killed him! 
2764
2765Member: “He shouldn’t be on the green during play! It’s his own fault!” 
2766
2767(They continue arguing for a few moments until the ambulance shows up. As the EMT is getting me on a stretcher, she asks the member…) 
2768
2769EMT: “If the pin was down, what were you aiming for?” 
2770
2771Member: “Him.” 
2772
2773Superintendent: “You aimed… for him?” 
2774
2775Member: “I figured he’d be close to the hole. I mean… the pin was down! I had to aim for something!” 
2776
2777Superintendent: “You’re a ****ing idiot!” 
2778
2779(I found out later that the member was kicked out of the country club, and his $50,000 initiation fee as well as his $15,000 yearly dues were not refunded.)
2780So one day stuff happened that did stuff to other stuff that were doing stuff, causing stuff to carry this stuff to where the other stuff said, "Yo quit doing stuff in my stuff or i'll take my stuff and shove it up your stuff." 
2781
2782Now filling in every "stuff" in order: 
2783some avalanches, not do stuff, guitar solos, the French-Vietnamese polka, ironic limericks, other stuff, hibernating lima bean, rigorous mathematical proofs, frito-lay factory, hoola-hoop, nasal cavity. 
2784
2785Now filling in every "stuff" from the above explanation in order: 
2786a combination of stuff created as a result of the first stuff in the first century, pile of stuff mostly consisting of old stuff that hadn't been dug up since the stuff that happened over 100 years ago 
2787
2788Now filling in every "stuff" from the above explanation in order: 
2789cheap magical tricks, avalanches, ancient civilizations' political building's bathroom decorations, jet engines and hay, banana catastrophe of shanghai 
2790
2791
2792If anyone can actually recreate all of that into one sentence, i will be very proud of you (unless you're morgan in which case i expect that out of you). 
2793Also amusing is reading all of the explanations and wondering how all those things could possibly be used together in one sentence.
2794
2795Yeah, I had already done this before I even read that
2796So hairy potter? As in a hairy guy you make pots?
2797
2798or a hairy pothead?
2799
2800or a potted hair?
2801
2802to grow more hair....the cure for baldness!!!!
2803
2804no, potted hair grows into a fine Tutti Plant
2805Fun is all relative to the amount of hair that is in your mouth at any given time.
2806
2807um...eww. 
2808
2809However, I do agree that fun is relative.
2810
2811Hey, what i said actually could make sense. If you have a thought of hair in your mouth, you probably aren't having much fun.
2812*tries to think of the names of other brands of insect repellent* 
2813
2814*fails*
2815
2816Bug Be Gone.
2817
2818DIE INSECTS DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
2819
2820that's my brand
2821
2822That's not so much a brand name as a war cry.
2823
2824Look, that's what they have printed on the bottle. If you have a problem write a letter to the company, Little Intervention Enterprises
2825not as unfortunate as you think....fish scales are worth quite a fortune
2826
2827Especially if they've been carefully licked first.
2828
2829but they never are. ever
2830
2831i lick them personally
2832JUMP!
2833
2834....Says David Lee Roth circa 1984. 
2835
2836You might as well...
2837
2838... lick every hair in the country now.
2839
2840that would DEFINITELY make a better song
2841Ha, you should've seen the Hell that morgan and i came up with for english class after reading Dante's Inferno. The most heavily punished sin is being a player for the NBA team, the San Antonio Spurs.
2842
2843that isn't a sin...that's a punishment in itself.
2844
2845Not after we were done with him.
2846
2847so, it wasn't a punishment after you were done?....what was it then?
2848
2849An incoherent, bloody, spur-covered lump of flesh.
2850
2851And we use incoherent in the most literal way possible.
2852Who is Homer?
2853
2854
2855A poet who wrote the Iliad?
2856
2857AKA Captain Freech.
2858
2859watch out for the Freech-bombs, though....yeesh
2860why was the dead man walking on the radio in the first place?....and how big was this radio?
2861
2862I just wanna know who's gonna fix my radio, after the stupid zombie stepped on it.
2863No one because it has to go to the police station as evidence.
2864
2865Evidence that even the dead have weight issues.
2866
2867Fat zombies rule!
2868
2869BOOMER!
2870Didn't i say leave here and never come back? 
2871'cuz I can't survive your hair-borne attack (tack) 
2872You're like Cousin It, get out of my room 
2873Or I'll sweep your hairs out with a broom 
2874It's abuse 
2875Something has got to be done 
2876Please start taking in some radiation 
2877Cancer makes your hairs numb 
2878Then it'll fall out 
2879Oh yes that will clean up this hair mess 
2880Spotless, hairless, clear as the sky 
2881Your scalp would be pure, the disease would be cured (cured) 
2882Just go sit in the microwave 
2883And wait for a minute 
2884Go right now 
2885It'll be for the best, but you have to leave here first 
2886Fast as you can, staying here would be worst 
2887Freak, sasquatch, you big hairy monster 
2888No matter where you are on Earth, you've got too much hair, okay?
2889Waht iz deece NONseance?!
2890I'm at the pizza hut.
2891
2892I'm at the Taco Bell.
2893
2894I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.
2895So one time there was this thing man... and it was like...round and stuff. And it came rolling along the ground like...towards me...and i was all like...duuuude. And then i reached out with my like...foot...and the ball...it like touched me man...and so i was like...maaaaan this thing is touching me dude. And then like this dog ran up and i was like...dog get me some 'dogs dawg...but it didn't. The dog looked me in the eye and was all like...woof man...woof. And i was like...keep on doing your thing man and don't ever let them take that away from you...and then it was like...bark...and it took the thing in its mouth and was like...chewing on it...and stuff. And so i was like...that's what you get man...if you like touch me and stuff. Cuz one time...there was like this other thing and it like...touched me...and i was like...aaaaaaah...and that's cuz it was a bee and it stung me. So now i'm like...scared...if things come near me...except for bees...cuz they're like...cool. Yeah.
2896The Journal of the Milkman 
289711/12/08: 
2898I am make like having to math every day of the year, so hard that I could throw my math work at a diamond and the diamond would shatter into a million pieces because that’s how hard I does math do. In other news, lichen, all over the place. Not to be confused with Lycans. Those don’t exist... or do they? Just imagine a Lycan lichen – a werelichen, if you will. A man that turns into a ferocious, mindless patch of moss that attacks everyone it sees. Of course, I can’t imagine it would be a very effective attack; in fact it would probably seem to a person like the lichen was just sitting there not moving. If you shoot a werelichen with a silver bullet does that kill it? I’m going to shoot every patch of moss I see on the next full moon with a silver bullet, just in case. That’ll teacharan. Now I will spin around in a circle and pick a direction and go. I got north. I am now going to go north. 
2899
29003/14/09: 
2901I have made it to the North Pole. I have lost 4 toes to frostbite, and I have no food. I also discovered the main cause of Male-Pattern Baldness while in the middle of the Arctic Ocean. You see, hair is like fire: cavemen invented it. And since most men are no longer cavemen, they have forgotten how to grow hair. This came to me in a dream but I know it’s true because a penguin said so, even though I don’t think I’ve seen any penguins. 
2902
29033/15/09: 
2904I have gotten back to the United States. I am in Massachusetts, and I have just sent a letter to the President of MIT, to ask for the creation of a new department, the College of Hairology. I have offered to be the head of this department, though I will request that my official title be Bigwig. I, of course, am the expert on Hairology, since I grow out my hair at a mile an hour. However I can use my psychic abilities to cause it to grow back into my head a fraction of an inch less than a mile an hour. Now I’m going to the club to get my swerve on. 
2905
29063/19/09: 
2907Still no word back. It’s ridiculous, I hold the key to stopping Male-Pattern Baldness, you’d think the moment they read that they’d be rushing over to my shack to hire me. Maybe I won’t do it after all. I could just take the world by storm with my flaming hot dance moves. Also, my delicious milk. I concocted the ultimate milk by pouring samples onto a to-scale miniature model of a ferris wheel, until I crafted the mixture that performed like it should. This mixture has the flavor of ten thousand yeti children playing thirteen sets of Bongo drums using one hydraulic jack. And it is the consistency of liquid gold without any of that metal crap. Also I peed in each bottle, so fresh. But I won’t tell anyone that because then they’d be all over me, trying to get me to give them my key to the Lair of Milk. And now I’m going to sleep. 
2908
29093/25/09: 
2910You know what I’ve got a problem with? People who have problems. I mean, I was on the bus today, going to TP the President of MIT’s house again since he rejected my request, and there was this guy sitting across from me who kept hitting his head on the wall. And then he kept saying “I’m the first human woodpecker.” And I said, “Keep it to yourself buddy, I’ve got 99 problems and you’re one.” Then he said, “That’s not how the song goes,” and then I said “I know that, idiot,” then I threw him out the window. We might have been on a bridge at the time but I didn’t really check. Anyways the cops came, but I gave them some of my milk and they let me off with a warning. 
2911
2912
29133/27/09: 
2914Today some fools tried to cop my grapes, so I laid down a beating on those punks. Then they got in their car, so I slashed the tires, blocked the doors, punched holes in the roof, and poured gasoline in. This was all a ruse to get them to give me money. Instead one of the fools lit up a cigarette to calm his nerves and then the whole car blew up. Just more proof that smoking kills. I didn’t think the cops would be so lenient this time so I left a note saying “Soy Milkboy was here” and drove off in my milk truck. 
2915
29164/1/09: 
2917Today’s April Fool’s Day and the cops are still on my trail. But I’ve got the best prank ever, all I need is a giraffe, handkerchief, a hatchet and a mirror to teach them not to mess with me. Unfortunately, all I could find was a hatchet. Determined to escape capture, I have decided to move to Swaziland for a while. 
2918
29195/2/09: 
2920This has been the worst month of my life. I’m starving, no one here has any cows I can milk for milk, and I have malaria, dysentery and Ebola. Actually I already got over the Ebola, making me the first survivor of the disease ever. I’m starting to think it’s been long enough for me to return to America. After all, the Presidents of the 20 Universities that have rejected me haven’t gotten their twice-daily TPings in a month now. I will miss Swaziland though, especially the dancing. I’m now a master of the Hamakikawelickoma move. I’m taking my adopted son, Sha Tacalla, with me too. 
2921
29225/6/09: 
2923Okay so I made it back to the US. I’m sitting in this ambulance right now, pretending to watch this unconscious guy. Maybe if I slip him some milk he’ll wake up. I’m not an EMT, it’s just that secretly riding in ambulances is a hobby of mine. I used to do it in cement mixers too, but that got me maimed. By a tiger. Long story. It’s basically longer than if you were to make everything on Earth into one long string. Longer than that. 
2924
29255/7/09: 
2926You know what else is long? No? Good, it’s a State Secret. I even keep the secret from myself. But none of this is important. What is important are pollywogs, the champions of the ocean. They own everything, fact. Except they don’t even know that they do, because they went extinct tomorrow. But I’m rambling. The whole point of the long thing was I wanted to say that this car ride I’m taking is lasting forever. I just want to get this killer whale out of my trunk. I’ve been driving for 15 seconds now. Driving and writing isn’t very safe. 
2927
29286/9/09: 
2929So I definitely lost my diary for the last month. I found it today in a bird’s nest. Don’t ask me how it got there or why I was in a tree looking into birds’ nests. Both are also state secrets. Okay, not really. I was looking in birds’ nest because I was hungry, and there’s nothing more delicious than eggs. As to how it got in a birds’ nest, I have no clue. Most likely it was because my neighbor got all jealous and threw bird seed all over my house while I was asleep, and the bird army came and took the birdseed and the book, thinking that the book held the key to infinite bird seed generation.
2930
2931is this the Hair Milkman?
2932
2933I couldn't tell you, I found the journal lying on the sidewalk one day.
2934
2935Quite a bit of trouble to type all that up from a sidewalk journal!
2936
2937I mean, it's so weird and hilarious that it had to be shared with the world. I'm a fast typer anyways
2938
2939Well, the story had to be told. I especially feel sorry for those 4 toes, though... sitting out there in the cold all alone
2940
2941I dunno, this guy caused the death of multiple people.
2942
2943But the toes! The loneliness in the cold! (frown)
2944
2945I think I saw his toes running around. It wasn't that horrible ... at least, not to me. Those cars they blew up, well, those were occupied.
2946I feel bad for the professors who got their houses TP'ed twice daily for rejecting the College of Hairology.
2947
2948but I heard the house of the professors at College of Hairology were made of tortoise dung.
2949
2950Yeah, but this was the Presidents of the Universities, who all didn't want to set up a College of Hairology on their campus.
2951Alright, I've finally had enough free time to type up some more of the Milkman's journal: 
2952
29536/18/09: 
2954You know how dogs are always the enemy of the mailmen? Well, bears are the enemies of milkmen. I was at the zoo today selling milk to people and some guy pushed me into the bear exhibit because he was high on PCP or something. So all of the bears immediately surrounded me, and started to come towards me. I summoned and readied the trusty Milkstaff, the weapon all milkmen can call upon in times of dire need. The battle was long and arduous. Attack! Parry! WINDMILL!!!! I thrust my staff into 5 bears’ chests, killing them all at once before they hit the ground. The day was a triumph. 
2955
29567/3/09: 
2957Tomorrow is the 4th of July, so I’ve been very busy filling all the orders. Milk is the most-used thing on Independence Day, by a thousand times more than the second most-used thing (crutches). People use milk for the strangest things, like paint thinner, ceiling tiles and internet service providers. 
2958Unfortunately, since the secret ingredient in my milk is my urine, I’ve been chugging water and peeing nonstop for a week. That’s why I haven’t made any entries lately. In other news, I’m running a marathon tomorrow. I decided yesterday when I wasn’t sleeping (which was all day). My milk will keep me going when my legs cramp up and I pass out from overdosing on apple pie. 
2959
29607/5/09: 
2961So it turns out there was no marathon. The race was a trap by the Fresh & Easy corporates to try and take me out of commission. It seems that the hairless droids that make their soy milk took over the company, and their mission is to eradicate all real milk. I noticed something was wrong when I was in the crowd waiting for the race to start, and noticed none of them were breathing. I left to go get some milk from my truck and the race started off, but instead of running everyone in the crowd exploded. They were robots that were supposed to kill me. Then I went over and stomped on all the twisted, charred metal bits. Take that frich-hairs! 
2962
29637/9/09: 
2964I’ve been on the move since then, because these guys in white cloaks sporting classy watches have been trying to talk to me. They’re smart, wearing white, so throwing my milk on them has no effect. They even have white eyes, so my milk can’t blind them. I’m hiding right now in my milk truck, which I disguised as a mail truck. Actually I just stole a mail truck and put my milk in it. I had my dog attack a mailman and ran in and jacked his truck. They don’t call me the Milk Ninja Man for nothing. 
2965
29667/14/09: 
2967Chicken fingers. I wonder if anyone ever thinks about that name. Chicken don’t have fingers, and chicken fingers don’t even look like fingers. They should be called chicken slabs. Or chicken milk slabs. Mine should, at least, since I make mine with almost all milk, and only a little chicken and batter. They taste so good that it’s like getting a genie that gives you the most delicious thing of all time. When I gave my recipe to KFC they literally tried to kill me, after asking me “How did you learn the secret blend of herbs and spices?!?!?!??!?!” It took all of my skills to escape them. But that was 30 years ago. Also, I haven’t had “chicken fingers” in 29 years. I’m a vegan now anyways, except for the milk. 
2968
29697/29/09: 
2970I’m still trying to find my “Y” Prime, the stamp I use on all of my milk bottles. Without it, no one will know it’s my delicious milk they’re getting. I’ll bet an arsonist burned it, because he ran out of hairs on his head to burn. Waste of hair I always said, but do they listen to me? No. They just take out their flamethrowers and light stuff on fire, and I have to put out their heads with my pee. The trick is that my pee is more flammable than oil. What a good joke. Anyways I just found my stamp. It was in my mouth. 
2971
29728/10/09: 
2973Today I found an old taco shell on the ground. It looked so lonely and hairless that I adopted it. It’s name is Hairy Harry the Hairiest Hair of all HairsMcGee the 3rd. It will live in an aquarium filled with milk. I’m too cheap to actually get an aquarium so I have filled my sink with milk. Speaking of sinks, I broke a sink once, with a hammer. Then I had to slurp everything out of the faucet so it wouldn’t spill into the broken sink. That reminds me, I should alter all my faucets so that milk comes out of them. 
2974
29758/24/09: 
2976Today is my birthday. To celebrate I invited over a milkman from a neighboring city, a pen light, and three workers from McDonalds. And by “invited” I mean “kidnapped,” except for the pen light, which I built. They wouldn’t even sing me Happy Birthday, some friends. So I decided to go into town and find a motivational speaker to cheer me up. I found the perfect guy sitting on the side of the highway holding a sign that read “Give me food yo or I’ll bust a cap in yo cracka face.” I picked him up and we’re going on a cross-country motivational tour. 
2977
2978
2979There's still more, but I haven't gotten around to typing it up yet. But it's some crazy stuff, I'll tell you.
2980
2981The milkman could be coming to a city near you
2982
2983Well, the point is he's Asian but he's not that Asian.
2984
2985Asian:  HYPERLINK "http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/5440/88590625.jpg" http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/5440/88590625.jpg
2986
2987Not that Asian:  HYPERLINK "http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/6631/joejonasasianeyes.jpg" http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/6631/joejonasasianeyes.jpg
2988
2989I was actually making a reference to a while back when shaz said something about some friend who had proclaimed that she "wasn't that asian" while someone was making her mii and the joke was that she was asian but she wasn't that asian then damson said "i dont get it" and you offered by way of explanation "the point is she's asian but not that asian" 
2990
2991then i followed it up with "also her name was most likely michelle"
2992I read lips.....yours say "milk"
2993Finally, the final parts of the Milkman's Journal have been typed up. 
2994
29959/1/09: 
2996So today we arrived in Phoenix to spread our message of Milk Motivation to the masses. In Phoenix, since it’s really hot, I think my new milk-ice product will be smash. Milk-ice is so motivational for people that live in the extreme heat, because their milk gets warm in 5 seconds, and if they use normal ice then their milk gets watery when the ice melts. Other benefits of milk-ice are for people that live in cold places, they can make milk-igloos. Anyways I think I should take my motivational campaign straight to the State Capitol, where all the government officials can get motivated by my motivational speaker and my milk-ice. 
2997
29989/7/09: 
2999Ok, NOW I’m going to do my motivational day at the Capitol. My motivational speaker got lost and I just found him today. For whatever reason he doesn’t seem happy, he was probably just in shock from the fear of being away from me. To make sure he can’t get lost again I put him on a leash. I hope he’s been rehearsing the motivational speech about milk-ice I prepared for him a couple weeks ago. Also I dressed him in a cow costume to really drive home the message to the Governor. Anyways, we’re sneaking in through the air vents since they didn’t let us in the front. 
3000
30019/9/09: 
3002I love new cities. They’re so fresh – like my milk. And Tucson’s pretty nice, especially after Phoenix left a bad taste in my mouth – like soy milk does. I can’t believe the Governor didn’t buy into milk-ice. So I figure I’ll go to Seattle next, this city’s too shady. It’d be a great place to hide evidence, though. Now that I’ve picked up some artificial artichoke hearts, I can go off to Seattle. 
3003
30049/12/09: 
3005Still on the road, going out of my mind with boredom. I heard that plagiarism is a good way to relieve boredom, so here’s my plagiarism: “I left the car without putting on the alarm. No human being would ever think of trying to steal it in any case: The protective spells would provide greater security than any alarm system. Svetlana and I walked briskly up the steps without speaking and went into her apartment.” In other news, I’m pregnant. Wait I meant hungry, not pregnant, if I had kids, one day they would grow to be the founders of life on the moon, and that’s a fact. Too bad I’m already married to my milk. Literally. 
3006
30079/25/09: 
3008My mom once told me that my hair was too long. I responded, “No, you can’t even see me because you died in a cheerleading scandal thirty years ago,” and she said “Oh yeah,” and left. I thought about this when I got to Seattle because I ran over a cheerleading squad as I came in. Undaunted, I climbed out of my milk truck and performed surgery and put in the artificial artichoke hearts. Then I drove off, confident that they would soon awaken. I set up shop on the Space Needle and brought out the motivational speaker, and he jumped off the edge. That’s fine, I was going to fire him anyways. Except I was going to fire him with fire. 
3009
301010/2/09: 
3011I buried a squirrel today. First I harvested all of its milk, then I buried it in a sandbox in a playground since I didn’t have any digging tools. Now that I’ve replenished my milk supply I can get onto the next job: spray painting my logo on every homeless person in Seattle. They can’t afford tattoos, so I’m giving them something just as good for free. Some people don’t want my logo on them but they just don’t know what’s good for them. If they did they wouldn’t choose to be homeless. 
3012
301310/10/09: 
3014I have developed a bad habit recently. I think the technical term is “chronic fits of hysteria, delusion, and rampant destruction.” I prefer to think of it as the first step on my way to prophet status. It’s well known that all prophets eventually have money given to them by throngs in the streets, so I’ll just keep up my habit until it happens. Like the police yesterday, they wanted to ask me some questions about artichokes and I told them I didn’t care for art or asphyxiation. I was lying on both counts, naturally. 
3015
301610/17/09: 
3017The heat has been on me in increasing quantities. I’m thinking I should get out, and into the shade. Someplace shady, if you know what I mean. I tried bathing in milk-ice but it only made things worse. I think I’ll head north across the border to Canada, where the heat is more lenient, eh? Even got a Canadian accent, eh? I don’t have a map, I think my motivational speaker used my only one as toilet paper, but no matter. Canada can’t be that hard to find, eh? 
3018
301910/25/09: 
3020Canada looks strangely like Tucson if you ask me. I think maybe they disguised Canada as Arizona so that the French would leave. They even imported tons of cacti. All in all this is a good thing, I would have preferred to have gone back to Tucson with all of its shadiness. I think that this bump in the road is made of confetti. I’ve been having lots of thoughts like that lately, I don’t know why. Probably because of the talking coconut on my shoulder. See there’s another weird thought. Help me maeth. 
3021
302211/2/09: 
3023I’m on the run now. I’m hiding in this tall building shaped like a ship. I’m in a supply closet, they’ll never find me here. I lost my milk truck yesterday. It was there one minute, and the next I was laying in a gutter covered with Coco Puffs and moths, and my milk truck was flying away into the rainbow. So I crawled until I found a bee hive, and then I wore it as a hat. And here I am, in a supply closet, reinventing calculus with spray cheese and a pack of Pokemon cards. Wish me luck. 
3024
302511/11/09: 
3026My right hand has been numb for the last 3 hours. This coincides with the amount of times I have been bludgeoned to death with a hummingbird. Which is to say, my horse is on empty and my arm hairs aren’t talking to my nose hairs. I’m going to be a sailor tomorrow. Now my pen is dissolving. This is bad, it means my hand is soon to follow. My only hope is to drop them all now. Farewell, loyal journal, please don’t give yourself to the police. Now I’m leaving Tucson, to find a whale to lynch before it’s too late for the soles on my shoes that are on my ears. 
3027
3028
3029And that's the day I found it, lying on the sidewalk.
3030
3031Kinda scary to think what kind of deranged maniacs are roaming the same streets as us...
3032
3033Kinda scary that walker took the time to read any of that.
3034
3035Dude it's awesome. You should spend your life reading it over and over.
3036*checks shaz into the Mentally Ill LOTR Fan Clinic*
3037
3038but I'm not a "fan" per se.....just someone who has read the books and watched the movies.
3039
3040fan 1 
3041n. 
30421. A device for creating a current of air or a breeze, especially: 
3043a. A machine using an electric motor to rotate thin, rigid vanes in order to move air, as for cooling. 
3044b. A collapsible, usually wedge-shaped device made of a light material such as silk, paper, or plastic. 
30452. A machine for winnowing. 
30463. Something resembling an open fan in shape: a peacock's fan. 
30474. Someone who has read the books and watched the movies.
3048
3049And there you have it. Straight from the dictionary.
3050Then the time has finally come...STOP! HAMMER TIME!
3051
3052why can it not be screwdrive time? or piledriver time?
3053
3054Because gangstas ain't drivers. We be bangin', like hammers. Also his name isn't MC Screwdrive or MC Piledriver.
3055
3056hehe....MC Screwdrive....I think I found my new stage name.
3057
3058What's your current stage name?
3059
3060Liliwallamullity
3061
3062Are you fo ser?
3063My name is Walker and i support this message.
3064
3065Your name is Janitor and you lick pee off the floor, all day every day.
3066
3067Holy smack your noodle!
3068
3069*smacks Your's noodle* 
*watches as Your starts crying* 
look what you did kinson 
3070
3071Holy waders Batman!
3072
3073Unhealthy caffeinated chocolate bars!
3074
3075Pink Bunny Worriors!
3076
3077Angels that are on FIIIIIIIIIRE! (Holy Smokes)
3078
3079Golden Rotating Beavers!
3080
3081hallucination brings gifts of cheerios on silver bagpipes
3082
3083Holy Jumpin Tornado Popsicles!
3084
3085Foil falling on empty M&M's at broadway!
3086
3087Good god Batman! Holy Cinnamon Berry Drunkeness!
3088
3089Oh My God Robin! That ladie's on Water!
3090
3091Batman look out! Flying highligher Washing Machines!
3092
3093Don't worry Robin! Just watch out for those Atheist Grapple Monks!
3094
3095Jimity-Cricket Batman! They got me!
3096
3097Golly Gee Robin, hold on!
3098
3099Batman, they got ahold of my bananna pocket protector!
3100
3101mmm....turkey... huh?! Oh! Quickly, throw me your cement-tile christmas tree hanging!
3102
3103lol, ok this was funny and it made me laugh but I have to go. Luckily no one will ever see this, so I'll deny ever being down here to the bitter end. *crosses fingers* 

Till next time, smell ya later.
3104do those taste good too?
3105
3106a bit like evil genius baby and dog.
3107
3108How is anyone supposed to know what that tastes like? Do you see people selling "evil baby genius and dog" flavored lollipops? Because i don't.
3109
3110in the back alleys of Chinatown, you can buy anything......anything.
3111I know someone who's had dog-steak before. 
3112
3113but dogs aren't cows
3114
3115go to Vietnam and tell them that.
3116my cousin had a dog when she was a baby...they got along just fine....my parents had to get rid of the cat when I was born though....it kept trying to attack me.
3117
3118And so from a early age you were terrified of cats and anything resembling a cat?
3119
3120no, i think cats were terrified of him or anything resembling him
3121
3122Probably because shaz was the type of kid who would try to microwave one.
3123
3124who wouldn't?
3125
3126Not me. I microwaved normal things like my sister.
3127have you ever microwaved a CD?....it created wicked awesome designs on the CD.
3128
3129That's because physics is awesome.
3130Did you ever notice that shaz = sh, az. It's as if he's telling arizona to be quiet. I find that offensive. (just like in hidden messages!)
3131
3132whoa, you're totally right. I mean come on, Arizona doesn't have that big of a population, certainly not compared to all those eastern states.
3133
3134Yeah and people living a desert aren't any louder than people living anywhere else. So that's just racism against arizonans.
3135
3136we're actually quieter because it's so hot we spend all of our time sleeping. like right now for example
3137who's your favorite Mean Girl?
3138
3139Rachel McAdams.
3140
3141*opera sounding singing*
3142
3143Drink Coca Cola.
3144
3145Hey walker. Pretend you're Chinese!
3146
3147Dlink Coca Cora?
3148you had custody over me?....i was adopted?....someone loves me? 
3149
3150Answer to that query: no
3151
3152Answer to all future queries: slurrrrrp maeth.
3153
3154that's my answering machine message
3155
3156*erases morgan's answering machine and replaces the message with a 20 minute long Celine Dion solo*
3157well, I'm really not ticklish at all ask my family, or more realistically, ask Eretria 

ya'll should know by now, I have a bad case of always telling the truth.
3158
3159even when tickled by feathers?....like real lightly?
3160
3161even when i performed extensive and invasive surgery on your nervous system recently in order to make you extremely ticklish?
3162
3163oooooh....that'd be fun
3164
3165yes... 

exactly
3166
3167you could blow on her from across the room and she's start twitching.
3168
3169Or she would morph into a butterfly and get put into a computer chip.
3170
3171*smacks Walker* Make sense! 
3172sense and change open up all kinds of money puns!
3173
3174for a second, I read that as MONKEY puns....and was confused.....yet amused at the same time.
3175
3176monkey puns are best left up to the professionals, they are bananas.
3177hmmmm....flies and all....I've never seen primates fling poo....I've seen a baby dig poop out of her diaper and smear it all over a bed before, though.
3178
3179that was the Man of Destiny
3180
3181He was destined to smear poo on a bed?
3182
3183yes, and other similar great deeds
3184Cheap dreams are like a cooked duck. Only the chinese eat them.
3185
3186duck is definitely unique to and eaten only in Botswana
3187
3188So then they're eaten by the Botswanians? Or is it Botswanese? Or Botswanamanians?
3189You sound like you need a good beating at the hands of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
3190
3191they're nothing compared to my Middle-Aged Mutant Samurai Gerbils.
3192
3193Hah the Elderly Disfigured Pirate Rabbits will never stand for their presence. Prepare for the battle of the century.
3194
3195I'll just bust out my Infant Perfect-skinned Naked Mole Rats....your army has no chance!
3196I bet it's really fun scaring a cat at any time. Especially with an angry dog.
3197
3198it's even more fun angering a dog with a scared cat.
3199
3200It could be a chain. You anger a dog, scaring a cat, angering another dog, scaring another cat, and so on and so forth. *goes to experiment*
3201
3202And when you run out of cats and dogs you just use the last ones to start the cycle again with the first ones, creating an infinite loop.
3203
3204Perfect. Now only to find the right mix of easily frightened cats and easily frightened/angered dogs.
3205
3206I did that 5 years ago.
3207
3208are they still freaking out at each other?
3209
3210Questions are like toddlers. No matter how many times you throw it out the window to get it to stop bothering you, it keeps coming back to haunt you.
3211well, that's just your problem, now isn't it?
3212
3213It would be normally, but I just hired an agent to take care of all my problems for me, for free. It's working out pretty nicely, not gonna lie.
3214
3215Does his hand cup your crotch when he measures your trouser size?
3216
3217No but he can pronounce "Tikka Masala" in every way but the correct one before the waiter hangs himself.
3218
3219sounds like a winner right there.
3220well, that's nice...good to know laughter is spreading like the disease it should be.
3221
3222I prefer to think of it as a napkin.
3223
3224Napkins don't spread though, butter does.
3225sheesh, well I dunno, if I'm up tot hat quality yet...
3226
3227tot hat?
3228
3229It is a hat for small children.
3230
3231yeah, they're really popular.
3232
3233I just wear three at once and it's like a normal hat.
3234
3235well, the best part is, They're STACKABLE!
3236
3237veg? I dunno. Which ever one refers to being like a vegetable on the couch.
3238
3239that would be "Veg," sir. :P
3240
3241Heh, silly vegetable worshippers. Only they would put vegetables on couches and not in the garden where they belong.
3242
3243*plants Walker in a garden to see what grows*
3244
3245Give me some juice and you'll find out. And it will be very, very, very... HAIRY.
3246I was born in a tin hut in northern Uganda. By the age of 2 i had fought and killed twelve wolves and six lions with my bare hands. By the age of 5 i swam across the atlantic and started my own online business. By the age of 3 i invented computers. Then i invented a time machine and went into the future. And i never returned.
3247
3248"I have a time machine... But it only goes forward at regular speed. It's basically a box with "Time Machine" written on it." ~Dmitri Martin
3249
3250Ha, i sold that to him when i was still in the womb!
3251
3252mmkay.
3253If you didn't die maybe the lava would fuse with your DNA and make you the Human Explosion. It'd be just like being the Human Torch only about 10 times cooler.
3254
3255dude, I could walk around just blowing up constantly....that'd be sweet!
3256
3257You're telling me. You could even explode figuratively and just blow up at people all the time. And no one could do anything because then you might actually blow up.
3258shazzy said:
3259of course I want you to try
3260
3261
3262fine. 
3263
3264*uses her imagination again* 
3265
3266*fuses random thread participants into a monster that's half shaz, half cad, half walker, and half cow* 
3267
3268 oh my... umm... you might not want to look in the mirror. i think i might have violated some laws of physics, and the results may shock you.
3269
3270Hey, i always wanted to be one half of a 4-halved monster.
3271
3272coming from you, that doesn't surprise me. :P
3273
3274i'm just not sure how shaz, cad, and the cow are gonna take it.
3275
3276The cow's fine, we were already welded together metaphysically anyways.
3277
3278oh okay... so it's just shaz and cadder i need to worry about huh? 
3279
3280i think i can take care of them... i'll just bake some cookies or something to distract them.
3281
3282Darn it, why is my half the butt of the whatever it is we are?
3283
3284Well it certainly isn't because you're the butt of all the jokes we tell about you behind your back..
3285
3286*grabs an udder* 
3287
3288milk, anyone?
3289
3290*wonders whether or not there is a way to separate the walker/shaz/cad/cow/thing*
3291
3292You should go get a chainsaw and just do it manually and don't stop no matter how much cadder or shaz or the cow tell you to.
3293
3294(shock) sounds a little messy.
3295
3296But the mess is half the fun!
3297
3298without looking back, I was guessing that the post before Jame's was going to be really dirty.....but it wasn't.....much to my sadness.
3299whoahingness
3300Billy the Penguin says: Chug Luuuuuuuuuuuunch!
3301I'm da rapsta! Yo! Yo! Yo!  
3302Can't stand the stuff, actually. 
3303
3304*listens to the cd's*
3305*sees cloaking device* 
3306hmm.... I wonder what it's cloaking... I know a way to find out! 
3307*uses an axe on the cloaking device* 
3308*sees generator now* 
3309*uses the axe on the generator* 
3310ehehhehehehe
3311
3312But I LOVE pie!
3313
3314good, that'll teach you a lesson
3315c'mon G....we've been through this before.
3316
3317hrough what?
3318
3319lunch?
3320
3321NO...NO....NO.....this is one title you cannot change.
3322
3323
3324*changes it*
3325
3326NO!!!.....people like the loving game.
3327
3328well, people will like the lunching game even more. ;) :P
3329
3330* a little later* 
3331thank you, twyrch...............*continues spreading LOVE*
3332
3333*gives the people what they want* 
3334here's a lunch for you, and you, and you...
3335*begins to sing "A little less conversation, a little more action," a la Elvis*
3336
3337walker duuuum!
3338*Burns Morgan's German Dictionary* 
3339*Gives him a Gaelic Dictionary*
3340
3341*sees that the cover says Gay Lick Dick Shunnery* 
3342*throws it away*
3343Has anyone ever seen something hump a camel's hump? Is that hump-humping?
3344That reminds me, we seriously need to reform the FDA nutrition facts requirements. Take, for example, that "I can't believe it's not butter" spray stuff. If you look at the label, it says there's 0 grams of fat. It will also say, I think, that a serving size is one spritz. Now, here's where the problem lies: the FDA allows you to truncate all numbers down the next whole number; that spray could have .9 grams of fat per spritz, and you have no idea because they don't have to tell you!!!!!!!!
3345
3346not to mention, they don't tell you exactly how much a spritz is. (eye roll)
3347It contains essentials, like: 
3348Ice cream 
3349Chocolate sauce 
3350Whipped cream 
3351
3352
3353no strawberries?
3354
3355You have to pay extra for fruit. And also for Canadians
3356
3357So what about Canadian fruit? Is that, like, super-extra-crazy-expensive? 
3358
3359And what about French Canadians? Is the fee for them the same as the fee for regular Canadians?
3360
3361Contact your local Canadian Exchange Center for current rates. I believe French Canadians are worth less and everyone knows Canadians have no fruits, only maple syrup.
3362
3363my buddy tried explaining to a 16 year old girl in Niagara Falls, Canada that with the exchange rate, she was legal......her mother wasn't amused.
3364
3365(shock)
3366
3367How did the girl react?
3368
3369The only way she knew how... hockey match to the death.
3370
3371For some reason, I can't help but laugh at that.
3372I would have read the post before me if I wasn't too enthralled watching an elephant attack an ostrich
3373Sounds like the hairs are ripe for the licking.
3374
3375no, not yet....give them a bit more follicle time
3376
3377Hm, i hope you're right. There's nothing worse than an overripe hair.
3378
3379don't worry....I know what I'm doing....I was a hair farmer in Japan....best hair crop in the country.
3380
3381Oh wow, i don't think i've ever tried oriental hair... Is is tangier than the european variety?
3382
3383oh, yes....a bit more spice to it...not half as oily as American.
3384
3385The only think I can think to say is ... ew.
3386
3387They're great delicacies in a number of native South American tribes
3388
3389don't knock it if you don't try it.
3390Possibilities are like doing things that you shouldn't have done and then making other people take the blame and go to jail and serve a life sentence.
3391
3392that's just cruel, man........ 
3393
3394
3395I only make'em serve 8-10 years
3396
3397Go big or go home. That's my motto. Life or nothing.
3398
3399can't I go big and THEN go home?
3400
3401NOOOOOOOO??????!?
3402
3403If you go big you will have no reason to go home. Simple mechanics really.
3404*munches on cookies*
3405
3406*munches on shin armor*
3407
3408*kicks the armor*
3409
3410Yooooooo! Get these vibrations outta my mouth!
3411
3412don't eat the goods then
3413why must we doubt? 
3414
3415
3416ewww the pool of jello has dryed up to a pooled of jello skins
3417
3418We must doubt, because without doubt we cannot truly know what it means to have pancakes up our butts. And that is very important to know. 
3419
3420*takes a leak on the pool of jello skins* Fixed.
3421
3422uh walkerboh cadder was still in there 
3423
3424*watches cadder scurry out of the pool*
3425
3426So was cay and LBD! (shock)
3427
3428*jumps out of the jello/walkerboh waste* 
3429morgan you can help me find lady and cay before this get even more disgusting 
3430
3431*looks at walkerboh* 
3432
3433WHY????
3434
3435You obviously never heard the song "Pee on the Floor" by the Pro Ballaz. If you did you would know that my urine is actually delicious and in high demand. 
3436
3437*points at the contented looks on everyone else's faces* 
3438
3439That's why. I do it for my fans
3440
3441Those aren't contented looks. That's the look people get right before they puke. *presses a large, ominous red button and watches the pool clean and refill itself*
3442
3443Make a wish, Grant a wish
3444*puts him in a giant cauldron* 
3445
3446I wish I could post faster
3447
3448Access denied 
3449
3450I wish you would post slower.
3451
3452access also denied 
3453
3454i wish for my access to be granted
3455
3456Good thing no one else is on 
3457
3458I wish you would stop wishing.
3459
3460nope 
3461
3462aloe veraaaaaaaa
3463
3464Oh yes. *brings it* 
3465
3466I wish i had milk.
3467
3468*dumps it eerrrrrrrreywhere* 
3469
3470wish i had juice
3471
3472*pours it down his throat* 
3473
3474i wish i didn't have juice
3475
3476done already 
3477
3478i wish i had a million
3479
3480*gives him a million air molecules* 
3481
3482wish i had more hair
3483
3484*makes him cousin It* 
3485
3486i wish fooooooooo moooooooooo
3487
3488*gives him it...* 
3489
3490I wish there was more awareness of somalia
3491
3492*makes posters* 
3493
3494i wish for some excellence
3495
3496*gives him milk* 
3497
3498i wish my comp would load faster
3499
3500that is beyond my power... 
3501
3502i wish for my xbox controller right trigger to be fixed
3503
3504*calls the plumber* 
3505
3506i wish it was yesterday now
3507
3508*time turns* 
3509
3510i wish for the plumber to go away
3511
3512*kills the plumber* 
3513
3514i wish i had some ice cream
3515
3516too bad 
3517
3518i want that ice cream
3519
3520*gives him fire* 
3521
3522give me ice cream now
3523
3524no 
3525
3526now!
3527no 
3528
3529now!
3530
3531haha 
3532
3533slurp
3534
3535*lets morgan slurp the juice up* 
3536
3537i wish that peanut butter had a friction constant of 10.
3538
3539Last Person to Post on this thread wins a donkey
3540
3541G is for giraffe. G is also for gangsta. Therefore, giraffes are gangstas.
3542
3543Emo Silver: with that logic, since w is for both walker and watermelon... you're a watermelon. :?
3544
3545Hah, but w isn't for watermelon. W is for gangsta too.
3546
3547Emo Silver: wait... no it's not... 
3548
3549I'M SO CONFUSED!!! 
3550
3551*runs over to the closet* 
3552
3553*locks herself inside and cries*
3554
3555closets are gangsta too
3556Donkey Kong is just another poor victim of name ambiguity.
3557Did it say King Kong's bastard cousin?
3558
3559No, they're widowed former ex-roommates. Which means that they were roommates, then stopped being roommates, then became roommates again. Then King Kong died. That's where the widowed comes in. It's not that they were married or anything, I just couldn't think of another word that would express the idea that one of them had died.
3560This flower is a contradiction. Flowers should be made of flour, not willow.
3561
3562a flour flower?
3563
3564Precisely. Delicate yet useful.
3565
3566if by useful you mean tasty
3567
3568If by tasty you mean negligent.
3569
3570i don't
3571
3572You do get the beating of a lifetime though.
3573
3574Yeah but it's being given to me by a feather that has no muscles.
3575I see napkin
3576
3577I see france
3578
3579I hear light
3580
3581Then you have this funky disorder whose name I can't recall
3582
3583Schizophilophobia?
3584
3585I don't think taht's even close
3586
3587It's probably closer than you've ever been in your entire life.
3588Ok, so here's the deal. I'm basically going to try to write the longest post that I've ever written, which is to say the longest post that I actually sit down and write on the spot, rather than finding something that I have written in the past such as the summary of a literal interpretation of what I could see on TV interspersed with random direct quotations from the commercials and then trying to pass it off as a summary of tanequil or gypsy morph, as I have done in the past. Although, that is a very good and random post that I will probably use at least one more time in the future, if not more than that. Also, not worried about it being longer than my chacha conversation either, which was also quite lengthy, but I'm not holding myself to anything that I copied and pasted from something written somewhere else, all of this is coming directly from my brain. One time I claimed that longer, random posts such as these were used to disguise all manner of insults directed at the forum-goers here, and I'm just going to use this opportunity to come clean now and say that this is not, in fact, true, but that it was a good opportunity to claim something like this as it was fairly humorous and relevant to the current conversational topic of the time, which was when you're talking to someone who's not listening so you just start insulting them and they don't notice. So no, I don't insult people in the middle of these posts, and there isn't even a code that just looks like randomness that is really insults, either. All of that was a lie, and I apologize for not being one hundred percent truthful all of the time in all of the posts I make here. Actually, I'd say that really a lot of the posts I make here aren't remotely true, although it can be granted that a lot of the posts I make here don't even make much in the way of sense and I'm sure most people wouldn't think they were real anyways. Wow, all of this typing is kind of making my left wrist hurt a little bit, but not my right wrist for some reason. Although, now that I'm thinking about it my joints between my ring finger and pinky on my right hand are kind of hurting for some reason, probably because I have to keep going to hit the backspace key after typos, while the left hand is free of that particular burden. Although that doesn't explain why only one of my wrists is hurting from the typing. I guess it probably just hasn't quite recovered from basketball yesterday, since I'm left handed most of the dribbling is done with my left hand and so that's no doubt why. Anyways it doesn't really hurt that bad so I'm just going to endure it. At this point walker is wondering what the heck I'm typing because I've just been typing nonstop and he wants to know what thread it's in but I'm not going to tell him, he's just going to have to find out when I post it. I wonder if he'll even bother to read this far into it. Actually, I wonder if anyone is ever going to bother reading into all this. Now he's wondering if I'm typing what he's posting, and that's actually not a terrible idea. He just said "this had better be good" and now he's kind of leaning back into his chair, and kind of petting buzz, and he asked me if im writing a novel, and i laughed slightly in response. He just got a text, which he is reading and now responding to. Hey, this is like people-watching only it's one person. I'm still waiting for him to finish texting back so I can have something more interesting to report on. He's apparently really slow at this. Actulaly he finished, and he's just kind of listlessly staring at his cell phone screen, now he clicked it shut, and he's blinking and snorting, he just leaned back up, it looks like he might be editing his profile now, oh false alarm, he's going into general discussions and I guess he's going to start reading some of the threads there while he waits for me. At this point the only things interesting to report about him will be intermittent, so I'm going to find something else to talk about, but I'll tell you if he does anything noteworthy. I wonder why the logo at the bottom of the page is "orbit" with a circle with a smaller circle. Ooh he's posting,l and I think it's in general discussions. tHis is a rare and exciting event, like when a bird accidentally gets trapped in a grocery store and wings around in confusion and panic until it finds its way outside again. Or like a clueless tourist in some land where they don't speak english. It's very exciting to watch. Anyways, I have to be honest that I'm not so sure I have all that much to talk about anymore, though I will try to soldier on. Actually, my laptop battery is getting kind of low, I'm not sure how much longer it will last before I need to go plug it in, but as long as I don't lose what I've written it won't be a problem. He just asked me if I'm still typing the same post, and I am, though I didn't actually say anything, I just laughed slightly. So there's all these boxes full of random stuff sitting on my coffee table, which is unfortunate because I like to put my feet on the coffee table when I'm sitting ont he couch, but I can't because the boxes are stacked like 4 feet high and they're there because we got the trim painted recently so everything had to be moved away from all the walls. I can't really tell if walker's still posting the same post up in GD or not, but if he did it certainly took him awhile. I guess he was being very deliberate about what he said, assuming it was the same post, that is. Okay took a quick break to stretch my fingers out, this is getting fairly ridiculous. Fortunately I'm a pretty quick typer, I'd just estimate I'm typing this post at 70-80 WPM, though I'm not actually completely sure. When I really put the pedal to the medal I'm between 90-100, but I can't keep that up for this long of a period of time so I'm sure that it's less than that, except perhaps in some brief stretches here and there. I can also type from A-Z in approximately 4 seconds on average, which is pretty good. I tend to get tripped up with the vwxyz combination that requires some funky finger movements that are tough to do quickly. Whoever designed the qwerty keyboard did a pretty good job except for that. Walker's laughing some more just because of how long this post is. He just told that I've been typing this post for 29 minutes, though I don't think it's that long. Indeed, I must be right because he just said he takes that back, and now he says 21 minutes, which I'm more inclined to believe. Heck, if you count the words in this post and then how long it took me to type it you could get an estimation on my WPM, if you were so inclined. And no, it wouldn't be that hard, MS word has a word count feature. Actually he just changed it again and said it was 18 minutes that I've been typing. Honestly I would think 21, but I won't complain it means that I've been typing faster. This is definitely the most longest post I've done, even longer than all those other things. Actually I definitely posted a ludicrous amount of exclamanation points somewehre relatively early on in weirdness game, to the point that trying to load that page causes ridiculous lag even with a really fast connection, and then walker just posted a whole bunch to get it off that page way back when. Alright, at this point I'm going to say I'm done, because now that I remember that post I know that there's no way I'm going to type so that it's longer than that, but surely I have surpassed every other post I've ever done in terms of length. So with that, I'm out. Armistice!
3589Fact: Lick.
3590Then tell him to go to Elm and 53rd street and walk into the alley on the NE corner. Follow the alley for 20 yards, then walk backwards ten yards (facing the same way). Jump as far as possible to the left and take out a flashlight. Turn the flashlight on and point it straight into your eye. Then throw it as far into the air as possible. After that, all will be made clear.
3591
3592
3593first posts in the new last post wins thread must be: 
3594Post 1: Yo! I'm the last post, I win!! What's the prize? All of you before me are losers! 

Hey, anyone try that new pizza in the commercials? 


Post 2: Ha! I'm the winner! who's the loser now? 

Yeah, that stuff is awesome!
3595
3596
3597
3598
3599
3600Confuzing Riddle need help solving it
3601ok so here is the list tell me if i forgot something 

Hope Faith 
Imagination 
Time
3602
3603You forgot resources
3604
3605And bulldozers.
3606
3607and milk
3608
3609Mohney
3610
3611He that is of the opinion mohney will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for mohney.
3612
3613A mohney divided against itself cannot stand.
3614
3615If all the rich people in the world divided up their mohney among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
3616
3617The only way not to think about mohney is to have a great deal of it.
3618
3619Save a little mohney each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
3620
3621The mint makes mohney first, it is up to you to make it last.
3622
3623I've got so much mohney, Ben Franklin is my homie.
3624
3625Mohney frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, mohney is handy.
3626
3627The easiest way for your children to learn about mohney is for you not to have any.
3628
3629A rich man is nothing but a poor man with mohney.
3630
3631Also, mohney is as mohney does.
3632
3633All the mohney in the world won't make your hair come back.
3634
3635Mohney doesn't make the world go round, but it does make the women come round.
3636
3637
3638
3639
3640Darkmoon Rocks
3641
3642well it seems alot of people have one so i decided 2 make one. so everyone join. randomness is alowed and be yourselves.
3643
3644You can't dedicate one to yourself, that defeats the purpose. 
3645
3646haha i was just kidden about dedicating this 2 me. mainly i just wanted to use this thread to get to know others. T
3647
3648haha i was just kidden about dedicating this 2 me. mainly i just wanted to use this thread to get to know others. T
3649
3650haha i was just kidden about dedicating this 2 me. mainly i just wanted to use this thread to get to know others. T
3651
3652haha i was just kidden about dedicating this 2 me. mainly i just wanted to use this thread to get to know others. T
3653
3654haha i was just kidden about dedicating this 2 me. mainly i just wanted to use this thread to get to know others. Thought this would be the easyest way to accomplish it
3655
3656what the heck i didnt even click post
3657
3658Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Quintuple post!!!
3659
3660yea all on accident lol
3661
3662The safest accident is one that never happens. You would be wise to live by that saying. Forever.
3663
3664why the T's?
3665
3666That's the mark of the Triple Torpedo Clan.
3667
3668Sounds like a clan I'd like to join
3669
3670It's very exclusive.
3671
3672I'm qualified
3673
3674Dreams and M-16's. With infrared beams.
3675
3676Is that the entrance requirement?
3677
3678It certainly isn't what i had for breakfast.
3679
3680
3681Big-Word Thread:
3682
3683Dude, real madrid just scored. What are you thinking?
3684
3685It's not my fault they're apparently capable of making goals and defending their own goal all the way from Jupiter.
3686
3687Snow:
3688
3689There's a lot of yeties here, i have one as a pet. His name is bertha.
3690
3691big bertha?
3692
3693No that's the name of my fan.
3694
3695Seriana: You name your fans?
3696
3697Balderdash!:
3698
3699It's hard to get crack-a-lackin' when we lack a Kraken.
3700
3701EVIL TEST:
3702
3703What if i shave all of the hairs off their arms and legs using a razor made of pine cones?
3704
3705I don't understand why this would be an overly evil act.
3706
3707Because pine cones are the essence of evil.
3708
3709I'm going to need to see a peer-reviewed paper verifying this. Bonus points if it plagiarizes.
3710
3711What if i plagiarize a pine cone instead?
3712
3713I don't know how you could do that as I'm fairly certain no pine cone has any published works.
3714
3715I bet you're also fairly certain that chickens lay eggs.
3716
3717The Solution:
3718
3719As problematic as things are, there are solutions. That's what this thread is for.
3720
3721The solution to milk is licking cows.
3722
3723I done gone think ya've done it.
3724
3725I had a pencil sharpener melted onto my hair follicles. How do i solve this?
3726
3727Contract yourself a good case of pencil sharpener cancer. That'll kill it off.
3728
3729But the window is looking at me like I just calculated the nature of its cat.
3730
3731Then burn it to the ground and feed the ashes to the cat.
3732
3733My cat's on a diet. It only licks 2% whole milk.
3734
3735Well now it's going to go on a strict glass ashes diet.
3736
3737I'll put glass in your ashes and then bury you in the middle of a pitcher's mound.
3738
3739Pitchers are usually filled with delicious liquids. Like blood.
3740
3741That isn't the solution to my problem. I'd rather take this alarm clock, and pour it into my shoelaces. With giraffe-like reach I can be Michael Jordan's daughter's pet giraffe.
3742
3743So what's the problem again?
3744
3745Why does my teriyaki soup yodel when I hang my washcloth out the window?
3746
3747Because teriyaki is actually made from komodo dragon hairs and they don't know how to strap in and sew pantaloons like they should.
3748
3749So i can solve it by selling my sweatshirt to a street vendor for discount price and then haggling about it with the next customer that comes in and climbs the walls?
3750
3751Almost. You just need to be the "next customer" in question and haggle with yourself for it.
3752
3753Ah ha, which also solves my problem of how to address this envelope. It's very inconvenient positioned at the bottom of a lake.
3754
375573# 1337 5[]D3/-\|< 7#P\3/\|):
3756
3757unfortunately changed titles don't keep for whatever reason
3758
3759They don't keep because the door is locked.
3760
3761I'm only being completely honest with you when I say that I don't even begin to have the first clue about what door you are referring to, or why it's state of lock-ness would affect whether or not titles would automatically return to the default thread title in a new post.
3762
3763Hm, thorough.
3764
3765Emo Silver Rocks!!!:
3766
3767Sounds like a rap cue to me!
3768
3769I met this guy from down the road 
Said his name was Thomas Joad 
And i said, yo! what a small world 
Tom Joad is the name of my squirrel!
3770
3771Bonus points for grapes of wrath-ness 
Loss of points for failure to rhyme last line 
Partial restoration of points for the unrhyming being hilarious and random 

Final score: 9/10
3772
3773Riddle game:
3774
3775Hey diddle diddle, 
the cat and the fiddle, 
the cow jumped over the moon. 
Which one had the best time?
3776
3777Definitely not the milkman. His cow's gone, what's left for him to milk/live for?
3778
3779The fiddle had the best time. Since it's an instrument.
3780
3781But can it do this?!?! *butters his toast*
3782
3783Yes, it could. But it won't, you idiot, the fiddle's dead, it's locked up in my basement (haha!)
3784
3785Party over here!!:
3786
3787HYPERLINK "http://www.jaxtshirts.com/large/roll.gif"http://www.jaxtshirts.com/large/roll.gif
3788
3789In a circular fashion, losing pieces of yourself at a time until you're just a little paper cylinder? 
3790----------
3791And brite-lite. That thing should be avoided.
3792
3793my cousin had one of those...I'd write messages from dead people on it and watch her freak out.
3794
3795Ah, how sweet. My sister had one and i resurrected dead people and had them write on it and watched her really freak out.
3796----------
3797marauders are more commonly land-based
3798
3799What about the bounty hunter hunters?
3800
3801I call those, chamber maids.
3802
3803I'm not sure I understand the similarites between females that clean up the rooms of medieval people that go to the bathroom in pots in their rooms and weird dudes that live in huts and offer to give people filthy lucre if they go kill a certain thing that carries a certain kind of item
3804to feed the birds?
3805
3806No to give the birds free audio books and educate them to be proper gentlemen and ladies.
3807
3808so, THAT'S why that one pigeon was wearing a top hat, suit jacket and smoking a pipe.
3809
3810Was this on Halloween perchance? Because that's exactly how I dressed up my pet pigeon.
3811
3812Before I threw it out the window of the top floor of a 10 story building with a brick tied to its leg.
3813the thread against darklings new game thread:
3814
3815Doork nob?
3816
3817exactly....actually, that'd be a pretty awesome character name for a story....The Misadventures of Doork Nob.
3818
3819Oh i was thinking something more along the lines of "The Mess-capades of Doork Nob".
3820
3821Damson: and at the end you can say, "and doork nob closed another door in his life"
3822
3823But what if the ending is him getting his hands cut off? I guess he could close it with his foot but it would just confuse the audience.
3824
3825Maybe he should change his name to Dork Knob at the end. Then he gets his hands cut off and changes his name to Dark Knob. Then he falls into lava and changes it to Darth Knob.
3826-----
3827some of the nom nom's are funny....but my favorite was this one under yummy:
3828HYPERLINK "http://www.caption-this.com/yummy.jpg"http://www.caption-this.com/yummy.jpg
3829
3830Ah, face palm with chocolate frosting on the hand. Classic peg.
3831
3832I say we should all make a story to accompany that picture....mine will deal with the fact that the cake was a birthday gift for 95 year old Jerry Atric from a fairy friend of his and it made him a 2 year old, but the old man's brain couldn't handle it, and he flashed back to Nam and decided to smear mud (or chocolate icing) all over his face to hide from Charlie.
3833
3834Mine will focus on the lack of abstraction and the deeper symbolic meanings of the smearing of brown across the face. I think it has major meaning when you interpret it as the youth of our world's coming together across barriers of brown and white.
3835
3836Mine will interpret the photograph as a metaphorical image, where Whites (represented by a white baby, the significance lying in both, as they are white, and act childish like babies) are skimming off the top of the darker-skinned ethnicities (represented by the cake, and the skimming off the top being the fact that it is the top of the cake the baby has taken the stuff on their hand from). However, this resulted in their material gains dirtying their consciences (represented here by the hands, the physical version of the conscience as each does the same function for the body, just one physically and one mentally) and as such They became very shameful (represented by the hand covered in frosting hitting the face, symbolizing that their guilt has hit them where it hurts, which is the head)
3837--------------
3838*hands walker a teething ring* 

get chompin'
3839
3840*chomps so hard*
3841
3842oh NO you chomped through my tibia
3843
3844Your leg was the teething ring?! 

*glares at shaz* You know i had to go to rehab for 3 years for my cannibalism. Are you TRYING to get me to relapse?
3845
3846Amazingly Simple Home Remedies:
3847If you're sick, take some medicine.
3848
3849If you're not sick, don't take medicine. Or eat fecal matter.
3850
3851sterilize your house by filling it with boiling water
3852
3853Prevent air-borne sicknesses by walking around with a gas mask.
3854
3855Avoid death by drinking goat's blood every half moon waning.
3856
3857An easy way to make new friends: lick them.
3858
3859That's not a remedy.
3860
3861Home Remedy: Best way to pay for the electricity: get a really long extension cord and connect it to the nearest power plant. Bam! Free electricity.
3862
3863Well I don't know about you guys but I'm ready to start coming up with some amazingly complex home remedies
3864
3865Sounds good to me.
3866
3867so what are some
3868
3869you tell me
3870
3871im no expert
3872
3873simple is better
3874
3875youre in there champ
3876
3877You're in the Champ Du Elysees
3878
3879can you really be in that?
3880
3881I think it's a river, isn't it?
3882
3883 No, it's a street, that I have been on. It's also spelled Champs-Elysees. Well, there's some accent marks in it, but that's not important. 

What is important is that an amazingly simple home remedy is to fumigate daily.
3884
3885Sounds like an amazingly expensive and health-impairing remedy too.
3886
3887 Neither of these are relevant to simplicity in even the slightest amount of anything
3888
3889I suppose the simplest remedy is for a problem that doesn't exist. I'm already remedying it by doing nothing.
3890
3891 That's quite an avante garde way of problem solving, I suppose.
3892
3893Eretria Rocks!
3894what is a ghoul?
3895
3896your mother, Trebek!
3897
3898Alabaster and soapstone are very easy to find.
3899
3900But the head of a three tongued goat is not easy to dissolve in orange juice...
3901
3902That's true, you need a more potent acid, like hydrochloric.
3903
3904Or a bed post. That's the basic theorem of fundamental cell theory.
3905
3906Or just put it in a lot of pies.
3907
3908The other day i saw a hermit on the side of the road. So i threw him a lifeboat, like any normal, well to do citizen would do. The hermit looked at me with a face full of conscious loathing and stabbed my lifeboat with a stick, popping a large hole in it. So i took out my portable artillery unit and set it up across the street. This prompted the hermit to reach into his pocket and pull out a coin. He flipped it into the air and got run over by a large semitruck moving at approximately 2 mph. I laughed and walked away.
3909To make confusion for anyone that reads this post any later than a couple days from now. 
3910
3911If you go to the post I made right before this one (not the last post I made in this thread, I mean the last post made by me before this one in word games), if you replace "invented pokemon" with "went to China as missionaries" you get a fun historical fact
3912So what up fools?
3913
3914Who you calling a fool you foolicious foolicio foo-baguette!!
3915
3916for some reason, in my head, Mr. T is beating you up right now.
3917
3918Hah Mr. T is the lunchlady at my dentist's.
3919uncrushable skillz.....good name for a rap group.
3920
3921Yes it is... hm, maybe that should be Walker and I's name if we ever break out of the Pro Ballaz and form our own group.
3922
3923you'd have to pay royalties to me for giving you the idea....and by pay royalties, i mean mention the word "shazam" in one of your songs.
3924
3925That'd be easy. So easy, i think we should make the word shazam the title of every song.
3926
3927you should mix it up, though: 
3928
3929Track 1: Shazam 
3930Track 2: Shazzam 
3931Track 3: Shazammm
3932
3933Yeah and then we could just keep repeating that pattern. No one would ever know.
3934
3935i support this plan. first song: Obey My Commands: Shazzzammm Remix
3936it's an awesome movie, though.
3937
3938The best movies are the ones that scar you for life.
3939
3940so, my dad's collection that I found when I was a kid was full of good movies? 
3941
3942TMI....
3943you FIEND
3944
3945oh, snappage
3946Snap, Crackle, Pop.
3947
3948rice krispies!
3949
3950*makes a competing breakfast cereal named "Pop, Lock, Drop".
3951how'd you guess that I'm really Gary Coleman!?!?!?
3952
3953Probably because you're short, black, and go around selling grills to everyone you see.
3954
3955HA!....wow, first time I read that I thought it said "selling girls".....wow, um....yeah.
3956
3957Um, that would be George Foreman that sells grills.
3958
3959Foreman, Coleman.....what's the difference? (lol)
3960
3961Gary Coleman, George Foreman. They're really the same person.
3962I'd say you're right, but I know everything to know about the Everlasting Oneness, so if by "fully tapped" you mean "fully tapped by a significant portion of the population" you're right, but otherwise you're wrong
3963
3964Mind = blown. 
3965
3966Brain = shattered. 
3967
3968Color = non-applicable.
3969
3970of course not, you might as well try to tell me that letting me go into the third box would result in the last couch of time being warped to this very place
3971*turns on the blender*
3972
3973*watches it scold walker for not following safety protocols*
3974
3975*brings down the hammer*
3976
3977*snatches the blender out of harm's way* 
3978
3979*aids the blender in filing a lawsuit*
3980
3981*sues the lawyer for discrimination*
3982
3983*wins*
3984
3985*makes a movie of his experiences*
3986
3987*boycotts the movie on religious grounds*
3988
3989*bans morgan from having use of his nostrils*
3990
3991Ok, you know what that's just the last straw. If a good hardworking law abiding united states citizen can't be allowed the use of his nostrils anymore than clearly this government has gone way too far in taking away our freedoms and/or are really corrupt to take payments form some college guy that can't have paid them a lot to ban the use of my nostrils in the good united states of america that we took from the savage injuns that liked to kill people and not give up their land and lie and drink firewater and thats just it ive had it clearly its time to move to papua new guinea where the moon is yellow and the lights on the bathroom ceiling don't flicker and everybody gets a nice autographed picture, becuase that's the kind of life that is the finest of all lives that i would like to live, and ill take my dogs with me, and they wont even need to have passports because ill smulggle them with my elite passport forging skills that i honed in the deepest secret id-making facility in all of the Americas
3992
3993So anyways...yay eretria?
3994Teenager -> tea-nager -> tea-bag-er -> tea bag-el -> tea bagel.
3995
3996wow....slipping the word teabagger in there was classic....bravo.
3997
3998Actually he slipped the word teabager in there. I'm not sure what that word is supposed to mean.
3999
4000It's kinda a mix between a badger and a bagger.
4001
4002a badger bagger....interesting concept....I'm selling the idea to Wal-Mart...there will be a badger bagger bagging your groceries in no time.
4003
4004Well i think they already did. If you use badger in the sense of cranky old person.
4005I only know Speaking and Listening Comprehension Activities
4006
4007SLCA bites.
4008
4009But does it have teeth?
4010
4011you'd know better than I would
4012
4013The real victim here is the children.
4014bloody survivors
4015
4016Either you're pretending to be british and the survivors did something you don't approve of or the survivors are covered in blood. I'm too lazy to go to the last page and see which is the case.
4017
4018maybe they did something i didn't approve of and that's why they're covered in blood.
4019
4020Hm that has potential. What if the thing you didn't like was that they're covered in blood?
4021
4022then I'd have to beat them until their blood washed away the blood.
4023
4024Now don't take this the wrong way, but that is the best idea i have ever heard of.
4025
4026you've had ideas?
4027
4028No no no, i've never had a single one. But i've heard of them and that's the best one. By far.
4029
4030these actually are getting harder, putting more lines in and such early on in order to make them work. See? I had to put 4 lines in this one to make it work. And that was just the first one. *taps screen with stylus* *sighs* 
*nods head* *clicks tongue* *makes more movements with stylus* *taps screen* *moves stylus around in the air above screen* 88. *grunts* Yeah. What are you on? That's what i thought. *makes more movements with stylus.*taps screen* *nods head from side to side* *taps screen again* *moves stylus in air above screen* *taps screen again* *makes more movements in air over screen with stylus* Dude that doesn't really matter. huh. *waves hand* *taps screen more* tch. Look what i had to do with this one. I an only hope i didn't mess up. Still got. Tch. That's 90! I'll probably stop at 100 because i'll get bored. Actually i got bored long ago. Still, that's not the point. *makes more movements with stylus over screen* *shakes head* 

This is a five minute long description of what morgan did/said while playing a game on the Nintendo DS.
4031wow, yeah....definitely try the Summer Ale....it's so smooth, it's beautiful
4032
4033what if i made it extremely coarse?
4034
4035how would you do that?
4036
4037Probably with lots of hair.
4038
4039....ewwwww
4040
4041there's been an excess of hair in word games lately. 

*pulls out the Nair*
4042cuz yo yo yo sownz mo gangstaaaa
4043
4044....Gangsta Damson?....I'm slightly scared....but curious at the same time. 
4045
4046
4047haha, I scared myself with that one 
4048
4049I, for one, approve strongly.
4050
4051i love how you spelled sounds, though....it totally didn't make any kind of sense. 
4052
4053Hey, damson's from the chi-town, she's automatically at least partially a gangster.
4054haha, well, one day we can all take a group gangsta pic together, though, I think eretria would win, hands down. She just emanates gangstaness, and well, it'll just rub off on me hopefully.
4055oh, I was at the library today, and found a book with all these stupid knock knock jokes in them. I was laughin cause they were so bad, haha, and I didn't get quite a lot of em... 
4056
4057I'll bet one of them was: 

Knock knock. 
Who's There. 
Can 
Can Who? 
Limburger! 

Also, getting across the country would be toughish/expeeensive. But the future is a mystery
4058
4059nope, my fav: 

~knock Kno 
-Who's there? 
~Beets. 
-beets who? 
~beets me. I forgot my name.
4060
4061Here's my favorite: 

Knock knock! 
Who's there? 
Yourself! 
Yourself who? 
Why are you talking to yourself again you schizophrenic?
4062I don't like goldfish.
4063
4064thats sooo sas, and cad..... you have left me speechless.... how can you not like goldfish.... they are yellow/gold, and cheery, smiling.... perfect....
4065
4066and cheesy... yum yum
4067
4068they're impossible not to love...
4069
4070Unless you're an ALIEN!
4071
4072no, it's worse than that!! He's a MOD!!! 

M.O.D. 
a_ r_ i 
s _d _c 
s_ e _t 
i _ r _a 
v _l__t 
e _y_o 
____ r
4073
4074I stared at that for like a minute, trying to fill in the blanks to make words, or trying to unscramble it, before I realized it was supposed to be read vertically 
4075I had ice cream, coke, pepper, salt and Half & Half once....on a dare of course.
4076
4077sure it was a dare...
4078
4079yeah, it was....it was at a rest stop on a field trip to Maryland....sixth grade.
4080
4081One time morgan and i concocted a delicious treat that combined all the four taste bud types: Bitter, salty, sweet, and sour. It was lemon juice, salt, mint extra dark chocoloate (bitter), and some sweeteners if i remember right. I think we threw some water in there too so it would be extra juicy. Needless to say i almost vomited after eating this.
4082
4083I actually want to try that.
4084
4085I cringe just thinking about it.
4086
4087I'm always up for new experiences.
4088
4089That will certainly be your downfall.
4090
4091It was actually lemon juice, salt, mint dark chocolate, and plain dark chocolate, I believe. Microwaved.
4092
4093That sounds right. And it was microwaved, just for extra flavor explosions.
4094
4095mmmmm.....warm lemon juice, salt, mint dark chocolate, and plain dark chocolate
4096HYPERLINK "http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i14/AUBURN_MYSTIQUE/Foniks.jpg"http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i14/AUBURN_MYSTIQUE/Foniks.jpg
4097
4098yo, I remember when that saying was first made popular....my buddy bought a shirt that had it on it and some other guy grabbed him by the collar of it in a football game and just tore it straight down the front....the guy went ape and just beat the crap out of the other guy....started a huge fight....it was fun.
4099
4100Yeah good times, good times.
4101
4102dude, that guy was me
4103
4104which one.....the one with the shirt or the one who tore it?
4105
4106The one who tore it.
4107
4108your name is Mike, then?
4109
4110Did you ever realize how many names are actually other words? 

Mike = mic 
Bob = a verb 
Phil = fill 
Harry = hairy 
Joey = a baby kangaroo 

It's mind-bottling.
4111
4112I sell home-brewed bottled mind. 80 bucks a bottle. Very worth it, I assure you. Anyone want some?
4113Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date, but a year to make love she wanted you to wait? Let me tell ya a story about my situation. I was talking to this girl from the US nation. The way that i met her was on tour at a concert. She had long hair and a short mini-skirt. I just got on stage, dripping, pouring with sweat. I was walking through the crowd and guess who i met. I whispered in her ear, "Come to the picture booth so i can ask you some questions and see if you're hundred-proof." I asked her her name. She said, "Blah blah blah." She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra. I took a couple of flicks and she was enthused. I said, "How do you like the show?" She said, "I was very amused." I started throwing bass, she started throwing back mid-range, but when i sprung the question she started acting all strange. Then when I asked, "Do ya have a man?", she tried to pretend. She said," No I don't, I only have a friend."
4114
4115Walker, you are a strange one indeed. 
4116
4117I'm not weird, those are lyrics from a song.
4118
4119What walker meant to say was: I may be weird, but that post does not indicate as such given that it was lyrics from a song.
4120HYPERLINK "http://www.blogcdn.com/nintendo.joystiq.com/media/2007/04/vader_comic_noooooooo_sm.jpg"http://www.blogcdn.com/nintendo.joystiq.com/media/2007/04/vader_comic_noooooooo_sm.jpg
4121
4122How'd you get that picture of me?!
4123
4124I hear he has his ways!
4125
4126That's interesting, because I heard specifically that he doesn't have his ways.
4127
4128i are the lunchishnessizeingversiontwopointoandahalforelsesohahahahahahahahahahfooliciosthatarepwnedbydac00staw- 
4129hichisthispwnagertotheleftbecauseipwnandamcrazyandweirdandwininlastpostandnewlastpostwinsandevennewe- 
4130rlastpostwinsandtheiwinthreadandtheultimateiwinthreadandthelastpersontopostonthisthreadwinsadonkeythreads.
4131
4132no monkeys and chickens are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4133
4134well, then, ill bown the monkeys and chickens and take their title then
4135
4136no you can't they will eat you and then they will drag your bones to the nearest 7/11 and buy drugs with them
4137
4138pah! but then my bones will reassemble and then my skin and muscle and blood and organs and all of that stuff will come back and then I'll give them to the 7/11 and then sell them some of my drugs!
4139
4140*couldsomewhatmorganwroteanddamdoesnotwininanyofthethreadswhereyoucanwinotherpeoplewinbutnotdambutmorganrightwhenhesaydamcrazycausedamhasnobraindamsbrainleftafterhstestnowdamknownothing*
4141
4142and a half
4143
4144
4145my sig pic owns to da boooo*begins to shake head wildly back and forth*oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooone!!! *shakes back and forth so wildly he falls on the ground*
4146
4147
4148hey! Don't try to blame your insanity on me!
4149
4150This place is getting a little too normal.... but don't worry! I'm here again! 
4151
4152*begins to play Skies of Arcadia Legends, and every time he hits/kills an enemy, goes, "I bowned you!" or "I owned you to da bone!" and when an enemy hits him, says "I'll bown you!" or "I'll own you to da bone!"* 
4153
4154wait... I really do do that :P
4155
4156and then andy from orange star comes in and he's all," go infantry go!" and then vyse is all," oh yeah?! CUTLASS FURY!!!!!!!" and then andy is all," oh no you don't hyper upgrade!!!!!" And then Aika's all, " ooooh, i'll bown you", but then sam comes in and is all, "i'll pwn you so hard!" and aika;s all," oh you're just too cool for me" and then andy is all," oh I WIN!" and vyse accedes defeat while morgan is sitting there screaming," I:LL BOWN YOU SOOO HARD!!!!"
4157
4158duuuuum! The infantry would be about as strong as a looper, but without the dodging capabilities! Anyways, Fina would then come and be all, "lunar light!" and everyone would be fully healed, and vyse would be all, "rain of swords!" and all of the infantry would DIE!!! and then vyse would be all, "skull shield!" so that no one would take damage and would be gauranteed to counterattack!
4159
4160Then some fighters come and terrorize fina and eagle is all," LIGHTNING STRIKE!!!" and then the fighters terrorize those n00bs more. And vyse can't use rain of swords AND skull shield. ;) 
4161So sturm comes in and he's all Meteor Smash!!! And Hawke comes in and is all," Does his superpower!" :P 
4162
4163And then Vyse is all," oh their just too c00 for us!" and aikas all," i hate ghosts" and fina's all,"oh dear, i have been pwned to da boooone!!" :P
4164
4165hey! Don't try to blame your insanity on me!
4166
4167and why do you think i was doing that?
4168
4169That ";)" made it seem like you were blaming me. ;) 
4170
4171and then the penguins and the yaks battle came in and the final battle was fought on the playground on Teakwood St. because the penguins wanted to play tag first.
4172
4173Ha! Yeah right! fighter's couldn't do anything to them anyways: they only attack air units, and they're not on their ship! And then Fina uses another Lunar Light and then Aika's all, "Lambda burst!" and Vyse is all, "rain of swords!" and the combination takes all of them out. And on the beginning of the NEXT turn, Vyse uses skull shield, and every turn after that, so they are invincible!!!!!!
4174
4175
4176*turns the twister board invisible* 
4177*calls out things like "left nose orange", watches as they try to find them, which is hard, because they don't exist and the board is invisible anyways*
4178
4179
4180*sometime wonders why <<< satys here*
4181
4182because we LOVE you, Damson....you can't leave us...i'd be all sad and stuff.
4183
4184It's like a bad dream coming all to true!
4185
4186what is? me leaving or me staying?
4187
4188No.
4189
4190huh??
4191
4192I'm as confused as you Damson
4193
4194I was just saying a random lyric from a song.
4195
4196ohh ok :D
4197
4198puh-lunch!
4199
4200tchuh-mohney!
4201
4202
4203I'm fiiiiiiiixing the repeeeeeeeeeelent! 
4204I'm fiiiiiiiixing the repeeeeeeeeeelent! 
4205I'm fiiiiiiiixing the repeeeeeeeeeelent! 
4206THIS MORNING!
4207
4208erhem..
4209
4210uuuuh.....what ^^^ said.
4211
4212
4213yeep, in dedication of one of the greatest people I know... 
4214
4215bet you can't guess who it is! 
4216
4217*tries to guess who it is*
4218
4219lunch?
4220
4221no more lunch morgan
4222
4223*agrees*
4224
4225*wonders if Damson has recently converted to mute..ism...*
4226
4227*knows that mute..ism really converted to some mohney*
4228
4229i think you are crazy cause you keep using that word...
4230
4231better that than pwn :D
4232
4233*is confused by walker & morgan*
4234
4235get used to it
4236
4237
4238Well, it's beyond any proven doubt that any sort of marker could possibly match up to the sheer power and RPM of the brand new brochure, completely equipped with all the latest accessories, including automatic paint brushes.
4239
4240steal my can: ^^^You got a point there . . .
4241
4242*throws up tinsel* 
4243
4244I don't anyody pulling stuff out of my butt!!
4245
4246
4247*sits happily is her skirt*
4248
4249YAY!....Damson's gone pantsless!....er, you know what i meant. (embarrassed smiley)
4250*puts on a slutty shirt & runs around in the rain*
4251
4252(shocked smiley)
4253
4254More like, (weird symbols) version 2.0
4255
4256AND HOW!
4257
4258[url=http://a1259.g.akamai.net/f/1259/5586/1d/images.art.com/images/-/Leonardo-da-Vinci/Mona-Lisa-Print-C10283639.jpeg]click here[/url]
4259
4260That looks like a good dessert.
4261
4262that's not the KILLER easter bunny........this is: 
4263
4264
4265*runs away before she can see the real killer easter bunny*
4266
4267but, but......his name is Frankie.....and he's really adorable. :P
4268
4269Well looks like I wont be seeing the adorable bunny since my computer's not showing him anyways :P
4270
4271you people are sick.
4272
4273that just makes me want to peel the bikini right off, butter it up and.........mash it up and serve it with filet mignon.........mmmmmm.
4274
4275Once again, sick. lol.
4276
4277
4278*wonders if that is a picture of Morgan*
4279
4280It is.
4281
4282*actually was pretty close on what she believed Morgan to look like*
4283
4284wow....that's almost how i'd pictured you, too....and walker, i pictured with shorter, darker hair.....don't know why.
4285
4286(shocked smiley) Now that is just a little creepy. 
4287*wonders is Shaz has a piece of her mind of something*
4288
4289Walker is indeed shorter with darker hair, but still looks quite different besides all these things. He's fat, for example :P
4290
4291do you call him "big boned"? (lol smiley)
4292
4293I didn't think he was that short, I always pictured him with a round face. Sorta like a mix between my neighbor and a kid I know named Zack.
4294
4295i know a kid named Zack....small, wiry kid.....it's like he's always on a sugar high.....he lives around the corner from me but plays with the kids on our street.....not sure where all his energy comes from.....i tried to hold a conversation with him once.....it went like this: 
4296Me: Hey, Zack. 
4297Zack(or the air where Zack just was): hi
4298
4299That was me, actually.
4300
4301
4302Oh... man. Oh, man! OH MAN!!!!!!! OH MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4303
4304OH MAN!!!!!!!
4305
4306Why not "Oh, woman!"?
4307
4308
4309It's Djack-chenko! Get outta here, quich!
4310
4311*licks the wall*
4312
4313dinosaur :P
4314
4315look at me.....i'm a T-Rex.....ROOOOAAAAR!!!!
4316
4317i love lamp
4318
4319
4320i though you loved Hayden
4321
4322i thought you loved sporks (lol smiley)
4323
4324
4325I'm slurping down some sizzurb while i park my car on the cizzurb.
4326
4327
4328
4329Liechtenstein says, "Nah nah nah nah hey hey hey, gooodbye!"
4330
4331
4332khim, i'm not sure if i should be scared or happy that you want to eat me.
4333
4334Execute over fifty Kings, adapted for the interstellar asteroids!
4335
4336asteroids was a fun video game....they should come out with a new hi-tech 3-D interactive virtual reality one!
4337
4338Nah, it should be in 99999999 dimensions. That way, no one here could play it properly.
4339
4340but it would be fun to try and play it....even though it'd probably mean death or major brain damage.
4341
You could always fix my watch instead.
4342
but then the joke: 
4343Q:What time is it when Morgan breaks his watch? 
4344A:Time for Morgan to get a new watch. 
4345wouldn't be as funny.
4346It didn't break, it just sort of stopped working :P
4347
4348and the smashing it into a rock than throwing it off the cliff into the canyon didn't do a thing to it (wink)
4349
4350Hey, it went into a pool. It's supposed to be waterproof, but I guess that stopped once the battery was replaced.
4351
4352there is no such thing as waterproof.....everything rots in water eventually
4353
4354
4355Now lick that hairy thut off the wall.
4356
4357
4358you hit Damson!!!.....was it an inflatable hammer?....if not, you're in deep shhhhnickerdoodles!
4359
4360I love snickerdoodles!
4361
4362But would you like them shoved up your nose?
4363
4364Nevermind...
4365
4366mmmm....snotty snickerdoodles! :D
4367
4368Nevermind...
4369
4370Somebody13: No it was not an inflatable hammer it was real! Is Damson dead yet??!??!?!?!? (devil grin)
4371
4372no killing Damson.....if you kill Damson, i'll have to dig your liver out with a spork and put toothpicks in your eyeballs to serve them up as hors d'ouevres.
4373
4374Let's quit with the food/body organ references for awhile... 
4375Let's talk about the almighty sporks!
4376
4377Pah, those are weak. Now toenail clippers... those are where it's at. That's what I eat with. and drink with, for that matter.
4378
4379:? Okay then, let's talk about all things that are sharp! 
4380<:::::::::::::[==0 Here's a sword!
4381
4382i'm a sharp dresser....sometimes....rarely....ok, once a year.
4383
4384
4385ummm a kid from his year, that we both know, was hitting on me and other stuff, and my BF didn't care at all. I kept yelling and trying to get the dude off me, cause I think he was a little drunk, and he already has a GF who he's crazy about. Plus I like my BF not him. And my BF just sat on the other side of the room watching, and just shrugging his shoulders, like his friend could do whatever he wanted because my BF didn't care at all. It was sooo odd, cause usually my BF is completly opposite of that. he's super protective, and doesn't like me talking to many other guys, unless he knows them, and knows I'm not going to go run off with someone else.
4386
4387
4388no, not that I was ever told. I think I once fell down on the heating vent, but that's it. I was I think about a year old when that happened.
4389
4390
4391Ohh it's not the chickens that need to be watched, it's the cows!!! They walk around like normal people and imitate your mailmen, and throw parties in your shed!!!
4392
4393I won't tolerate racism like that, ok? 
4394
4395When you need my services again, just call your cell phone number from your home phone. If you don't have a cell phone, borrow one from someone and dial your home number. If you don't have a home phone, use someone else's home phone to call your cell phone. If you have neither, then just staple a piece of cheese to your library card, poor shampoo on it, and then pretend it's a phone.
4396
4397
4398chupecabra?!?!??!
4399
4400 HYPERLINK "http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/chupacabra-intro.jpg" http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/chupacabra-intro.jpg
4401
4402Excuse me, but I am not comfortable with you posting images of my personal stapler. It's a violation of his privacy, thank you.
4403
4404then he should be more careful not to be photographed....like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby.
4405
4406It's a hoax I tell you! 
4407
4408There is no baby! 
4409
4410It's all a hoax to shift the spotlight onto Tom Cruise's black magic.
4411
4412well, he IS an evil bastard.....and not even the good kind of evil bastard.
4413
4414*sits back and waits for deadly to send an army of penguins after tom cruise* 
4415do this and you'll be my hero
4416
4417(shock) you'd be mine too!! Ohh please send them after him!!
4418
4419ooooh, that's right....Damson has an unnatural fear of Tom Cruise. :P
4420
4421 HYPERLINK "http://www.sqpn.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/DB20060421_cruise.jpg" http://www.sqpn.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/DB20060421_cruise.jpg *waits for the screams of terror*
4422
4423SCREAMS OF TERROR!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
4424
4425It's a hoax I tell you! 
4426
4427There is no baby! 
4428
4429It's all a hoax to shift the spotlight onto Tom Cruise's black magic.
4430
4431
4432true that!
4433
4434*twitches uncontrollably* 
4435
4436
4437*grabs a big piece of chocolate cake and tries to eat it for comfort* 
4438
4439
4440
4441you just had to do that to me didn't you!?!?! Now I'm gonna ave nightmares for a week....
4442
4443
4444speaking of videotaping....i've got video of my friend getting hypnotized and doing all types of interesting things.....i'm making a DVD.....and giving it to his mother....MWAHAHAHA!
4445
4446
4447Morgan_Leah:[][],@/gytesting123plz:Operation orange in anti-transit(/storage) 
4448
4449got it, men?
4450
4451"Sir no SIR!"
4452
4453
4454*throws up dirt behind Damson to further confuse Shaz*
4455
4456*throws down dirt in front of Damson to lessen Shaz's confusion*
4457
4458*throws dirt at Morgan to add to the general confusion*
4459
4460*gets a bulldozer and covers everyone in dirt*
4461
4462
4463where's waldo?! I can't...fiiiiiiiiiind him!! He got losted in a giganterous sea serpent storm!!! RUNAWAY! SAVE YOUR....SEEEEEEELF!!! 
4464*finds the person named YOUR....SEEEEEEELF* *puts him in his bank account* 
4465you two seriously need some help....
4466
4467Hey I actually remember saying that....
4468
4469..... sounds entertaining :P
4470
4471Not to me it doesn't... (shock)
4472bank!
4473
4474bank?...as in the money place or like a bank shot?
4475
4476As in, bank shotting a bank.
4477
4478oooh, cleverness....i must try that sometime.
4479
4480I do it all the time, I use the CERN particle accelerator as a hoop, and stand on Crete to throw.
4481
4482(shock)
4483
4484Crete?....really?....i would've used Athens...dang!
4485
4486Eh, Athens would be fine too. Actually, almost anywhere would work, unless it was too close, it wouldn't be an impressive shot then.
4487
4488(shock) Wow I missed a lot. .
4489I HAVE A TEDDY BEAR AND IT"S NAME HAWIAAN HARRY BECAUSE HE HAS A HULA SKIRT ON!!!!
4490
4491G. 36000 
449211 Day(s) Left 
4493Plain 
44941
4495
4496Translation : I am madley in love with teletubbies and prove that with my life size plushies on my bed
4497
4498oooh, thanks for the translation....i almost misunderstood....i thought he said: 
4499I am madley in love with teletubbies and prove that with my life size tushies on my head
4500
4501ohh I forgot... it's supposed to say "bound to my bed"..... damn... I've failed you all... I'm sooooo sorry...
4502
4503starlight: i'm so confused :lol:
4504
4505Ohh we were just translatin what Morgan said :D
4506
4507starlight: ah ok, now it makes sense :D
4508
4509it does?? (shock)
4510
4511starlight: :/ yeah.
4512
4513ohh no... not good! NOT GOOD!!!!!! 
4514
4515
4516*smashed head into the wall in shame*
4517sense
4518
4519starlight: i wouldn't post that, morgan.
4520http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/CoreyMushroom.jpg
4521what the heck did you wrap around your head? it looks like a sleeping bag but smaller
4522
4523maybe it's his dolly's sleeping bag??
4524
4525It's a beanbag pillow.
4526An important Life Lesson: Shirts don't always have red sleeves, even when they're supposed to.
4527
4528I already learned that the hard way.... it was a pretty crushing discovery. (sad)
4529
4530an easy way to fix that, cover the sleves with red sauce!
4531
4532ketchup stains nicely.
4533unconfuser :lol:
4534
4535
4536I love my wording :lol:
4537
4538That's too hairy
4539
4540I don't know...unconfuser sounds like a good one to me.
4541
4542Morgan said it best.I fell down today.
4543
4544Go deliver a dare, vile dog.
4545My foot itches.
4546In a regal age ran I! 
4547Raw was I 'ere I saw war! 
4548Oh who was it I saw, oh who? 
4549
4550Too far away, a war afoot. 
4551Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era? 
4552No, in union, 
4553Name no one man. 
4554Now do I repay a period won. 
4555
4556Draw, O Caesar! Erase a coward. 
4557Evil is a name of a foeman, as I live. 
4558Live not on evil deed, live not on evil. 
4559
4560Draw noses onward! 
4561Dump mud! Dump mud! 
4562Draw putrid dirt upward. 
4563Puff in, sniff up! 
4564Pull up if I pull up. 
4565No, it is open on one position. 
4566Stop! Murder us not, tonsured rumpots! 
4567
4568In words, alas, drown I. 
4569A day, a day... yada yada...
4570
4571did you make all those up or did you get them from somewhere?
4572
4573*shrugs* 
4574
4575I still haven't read the whole thing, but it sorta sounds to me like Shakespeare.
4576
4577It's all palindromes, actually.
4578
4579Hmmmmm interesting. Maybe I'll have to actually read it word for word.
4580
haha wow vaters, that just proves you dont read posts for content, how much are you really paying attention to what we write?
4581
4582*stands on her head*
4583(shock)(shock)(shock)
4584
4585
4586
4587and OMG IT'S BEAN DIP FOR DINNER TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4588I'm not gonna die... I'll just meet eretria while she's alive.... BTW:http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff55/DamsonlovestheRat/666.jpg
4589
4590(shock) whoa thats creepy
4591it has come to my attention that there are certain individuals that may or may not post in this thread that may or may not live in nicaragua that may or may not be in possession of butterfly knives
4592http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e135/MorganLeah9/craziness.jpg?t=1222886738
4593
4594what was the lecture about, Morgan?
4595
4596U.S. Immigration law history. Hence, why I was on here
4597
4598i swear i'm legal!!!!!
4599
4600You're legal eh? Good (devil smile)
4601And the winner is Hove. 
4602My ming. 
4603SPEECH!
4604
4605Ming the Destroyer??? :D
4606
4607MINGTHEMERCILESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
4608Orwell has found meARGHASDGJASIODGLASDZFLKGNSDXV<GATEJDSFKB
4609
4610Hey, put your banana where your mouth is.
4611
4612that's what she said.
4613
4614Wait - who is "she," and why was she so keen on discussing what to do with delicious yellow elongated fruits?
4615
4616Not that kind of fruit, but the protein-bearing kind!
4617
4618i am sooooo not going there.
4619
4620This sounds exactly like a show that I don't watch.
4621
4622I don't watch shows that don't exist.
4623
4624good idea...i tried that once, but couldn't find the show that i wanted.
4625
4626I have to admit I dont think I've ever tried that... I should... i bet I could find one though!
4627
4628Actually, it's the worst possible idea ever.
4629
4630The worst possible idea ever is to have the worst possible idea ever and tell everyone to do it.
4631
4632No, that's only the second worst possible idea ever, the first worst being the one that i said.
4633
4634i am so lost right now.
4635
4636Perhaps I could offer you this fine "map". It will prove very "useful". I will sell it to you "cheap".
4637
4638you had me at cheap
4639I just had a really long sneezing attack....
4640
4641*hands Damson a hankie*
4642
4643aaa woooooooooooot???
4644
4645There are not nearly enough asylums in here to contain all the craziness. You all need some serious rehab.
4646
4647That is a very accurate statement.
4648
4649Accurate = Acc-ur-ate = Accordingly you are ate.
4650
4651That's kinesiology for ya
4652
4653In german wolf is a name.
4654
4655In frogese name is a wolf.
4656
4657But without letters none of us would ever get mail.
4658
4659but i need my chain mail
4660
4661Then you'd better start spraying your letters with mace.
4662
4663But..................................................... 
4664the whales!
4665
4666Will survive, they always have before.
4667... 
4668
4669I wonder if you could make toilet paper mache ...
4670
4671hmmmmm.....try it and let me know.
4672
4673I tried it yesterday and recreated a life-size version of shaq. It sold on ebay for all the bananas in south america this morning.
4674
4675poor south americans....no more banana splits for them
4676
4677now they are going to be like the pigmees in New Guinea
4678
4679pigmees or pigmies?
4680
4681Or the pygmies? Or the gypsies? Rock that bank, little duffle bag boy.
4682
4683it's spelled turtle, not duffle
4684
4685Technically, more turtles fit in duffle bags than saguaros fit in tuboware...
4686
4687earg?.....hmm.....is that grae spelled backward?
4688
4689Well it's kinda like an eagle...but the gull got chopped off and replaced with a rag. And then it all snowballed violently from there.
4690
4691and by snowballed, you mean smelled
4692
4693That was the twist at the end of the tunnel alright. And what a pretzel it made.
4694
4695I ate every bite. It was delicious.
4696who needs a jetpack?....rocket roller skates are the way to go
4697
4698no those have a really high risk of spontaneously deporting respectable cheese salesmen
4699
4700Are the cheese salesman barbecued or whole wheat?
4701
4702durr hurr hurr i am the walker lolololololololololololololl!!!!!! 
4703
4704i lyke leaving my account logged in when i go get water lolol
4705
4706Identity Theft!!!!!
4707
4708Seriously, i was gone for like 30 seconds and when i come back, i find that. Somebody call the police.
4709
4710*pulls out his gun to shoot morgan* 
4711
4712wait, it might be walker....now i'm confused.
4713
4714Yo ming, shoot that hairy freech-baguette!
4715
4716This is the greatest play ever that my friend and I just wrote: 
4717
4718Scene: Line of girls, one is facing sideways from all the other ones. Two military men, one in a high-ranking officer's outfit, the other a private's uniform. 
4719
4720Officer (has heavy accent): Turner, turn her! 
4721Private Turner: What? 
4722Officer: Did I stutter? Turn her! 
4723Turner: No, you didn't. 
4724*short pause* 
4725Officer: Well?! 
4726Turner: What? All you've done is say my name. 
4727Officer: I SAID turn her! See? She is sideways! 
4728Turner: Oh, I see. 
4729*turns the sideways facing one to face the same way as the others* 
4730Turner: There. 
4731Officer: We'll make a soldier out of you yet.
4732
4733yeeeeah.....Turner & Hooch was an awesome movie.
4734
4735Was? It doesn't exist anymore? All copies of it were throw into the sea and eaten by beluga whales? And no one had any copies on their computers and the script was erased and the actors' memories were erased?!!?!?!
4736
4737possibly....not too many people like it....but i do.
4738
4739Well then, all i have to say is: "Lick hair every day."
4740
4741that's the best advice i've ever heard
4742
4743Dude, i grow my hair at a mile an hour. And i can only lick it all at 1/2 a mile an hour. So i'm set for life.
4744
4745licking by the mile...interesting combo.
4746
4747Covered in hair from head to toe 
4748I'm a real man and I'll let you know
4749
4750oh, snap....you rhymed!
4751
4752Hah of course he did, because those are the rhymes of the best song ever, which we made! It's our hit single, "We Don't Shave".
4753
4754God Shave the Queen would have been a better title
4755
4756Yeah, but then it wouldn't be about the manliness of not shaving and growing one's hair very rapidly
4757
4758well, the queen can be quite manly
4759
4760But the point is that we're not shaving. Ever. So why would we shave the queen? 
4761Also, the lack of our facial hair at times is due to a rare cancer we've developed that causes us to lose our hair naturally every so often.
4762
4763I didn't say YOU shave her....God shave the queen....see?....God doesn't want women to have hairy faces....except for those rare few
4764
4765Unfortunately there is one error in your assumption. Because i am the God of Hair and All That Is Hairy, it would be up to me to shave the queen. And i could never defile my subjects so.
4766
4767really?....so yetis worship you?
4768
4769They would if they knew i existed. I am the reason that they are hairy.
4770
4771aha!....there's the flaw in your lies...if you know anything about hairy beasts, you'd know that yetis are atheists
4772
4773No, my lies are flawless! Yetis are closet religious addicts and pretend to be atheists for the sake of public opinion!
4774
4775Shazammm; but the public has yet to question a yeti....so how would they know?
4776
4777My hairy minions have conducted polls on all aspects of yeti life. For example, did you know that 58% of yetis believe that their hair is on fire, while the other 42% deny that they have hair?
4778
4779did you know that Fuzzy Wuzzy was really a bear that had no hair?.....then he changed his name to Dr. Phil
4780
4781Fuzzy Wuzzy was my closest subject once, long ago. But then he crossed me, so i stripped him of his most prized possession, his hair. And now all that anyone knows of him is through the nursery rhyme. A most sad, but vengeful story.
4782
4783so, that's why he became Dr. Phil.....revenge on the world.
4784
4785More than likely. I bet you never realized that Dr. Phil is bald because he does not have my blessing. In fact, balding is the sign of punishment for disrespect of hair.
4786
4787so, werewolves REALLY respect their hair
4788
4789Yes, they are well learned in the art of hair maintenance and respect. As was jesus.
4790
4791but why are werewolves only allowed their hair during full moons?
4792
4793It is a part of a covenant that i made with the werewolves in ages past. Mostly it's because other people would get really jealous if werewolves had so much hair all the time though.
4794
4795but what about the people with "actual" werewolf disease that have the hair all the time?
4796
4797Some would say those are "The Chosen Ones". I say they just got lucky.
4798*applauds*
4799
4800Encore you say? 
4801*pees on the floor* 
4802There you go.
4803
4804*pushes walker into his own pee* 
4805
4806you fell for my trap 
4807
4808mwahahahaha!
4809So, i was eating a kitkat bar the other day. And then i thought, what if a kitkat bar is really a kit that turns a cat into a bar? And then i thought it's a good thing i'm not a cat.
4810
4811KITT?....like the car from Knight Rider?
4812
4813Kindling International Testicular Turmoil?
4814
4815hehe....testicular...hehe
4816That's just ridiculous. Doesn't everyone know that you have to plant eggs to get egg vines?
4817
4818That's what i was telling them, but they were too busy licking hair to realize it. Which is a pretty worth cause, but honestly.
4819
4820that reminds me of the time I was with my dad and he went to the bank to deposit money and I was all "what are you doing you need to put that money in a cash paddy and grow it like rice that's the only way"
4821
4822Yeah, way to look out for him. Everyone knows money doesn't grow well on trees, but growing them in paddies is the next best thing.
4823
4824exactly. I'm gonna write a book about it. "Soak Your Money: Why Tossing Your Cash Into a Soaking Wet Pit Will Make You Richer Than Your Wildest Dreams"
4825you learn more you earn more!
4826
4827The contrapositive of that statement would be: you don't earn more, you don't learn more!
4828
4829and that statement in norwegian would be du lærer mer, tjener du mer
4830
4831The more soap you use, the better chance you have of getting it in your eye.
4832let me tell you i had to deal with shady newspaper delivery men in my younger days. walking to the bus stop, they'd always ask if i wanted a special delivery newspaper. sometimes they'd try to follow me, and when they did that i pulled out my 9 and lit up their impalas
4833
4834Ah they must have hated that. It would have reminded them of christmas lights, and none of them believe in christmas. Or light.
4835*fashions a thong out of banana peels and gives it to shaz to wear*
4836
4837I'd hit it. 
4838
4839
4840
4841
4842
4843The price gouging, I mean.
4844
4845Yeah well if you hit my banana thong and broke it i'd be upset because that took a lot of innovation and effort.
4846
4847banana peel thong?....just keep the apes away.
4848So it turns out I already evacuated my dad.
4849
4850Evacuated or exasperated?
4851
4852Yes
4853
4854*angers himself with tattoos*
4855
4856but the little adhesive on the back of the card is fun to play with
4857
4858I'm actually addicted to the adhesive on the back of envelopes. So delicious to lick. Can't stop
4859maybe it should read "it's hard in here for a Damson" then
4860
4861i disagree
4862
4863well, I agree with your disagreement of my own agreement
4864
4865i was disagreeing with 
4866
48676/8/2003 11:57:25 AM, Damson wrote: 
4868
4869my last dog was an angel. my new one is insane.
4870
4871
4872which can be found on page 4 of this thread
4873*smears peanut butter on his chest and stands between two gigantic pieces of bread*
4874it's EVERY DICTIONARY 
4875
4876
4877RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4878Goldfish never give up, they never surrender, and above all, they never let their emotions get in the way of pure, unadulterated bloodshed.
4879
4880Goldfish Wars: The Musical
4881
4882I'll start writing the script if you start writing the music.
4883
4884and i'll do the costumes
4885no wonder he ditched Hook.
4886
4887ditched, yes... but... in a different sense
4888
4889how so?
4890
4891Probably in this sense: 
4892
489314. Ditch 
4894The Tasman Sea. The body of water separating Australia and New Zealand. 
4895Roger moved across the Ditch and now spends his days sunbaking at Bondi.
4896
4897Using nouns as verbs...precocious.
4898
I was thinking more of a Spidey Sense.
4899
4900I think they should make a perfume line called "Spidey Scents".
4901Lady Blue-Dragon: Oh my gosh! Smexiness there!
4902
4903Not only is that not a fruit, it doesn't even make it's own stew from the guts of alligators.
4904
4905So it failed BOTH parts of the Existence Test. I propose immediate dilation.
4906
4907Dilation would only result in a worse case of abused intestinal procreation though.
4908
4909I was led to understand that was the whole point...
4910
4911No no no. The point is that horseback riding is less perilous to the human manure maneuver than acupuncture.
4912There are 4 "very"'s in that post.
4913
4914and no lies!
4915
4916Every time a person lies, another person dies.
4917
4918And every time they tell the truth 8 people die.
4919
4920And every time a person dies, a tree is planted.
4921
4922and ever time a tree is planted vortexes move 70 miles to the left
4923
4924cheese?
4925
4926If there's cheese too close to any of the vortexes, it will make a cheesy vortex, yes
4927
4928Cheesy vortexes are just as gaping as normal vortexes but twice as hungry.
4929
4930I once saw a cheesy vortex get to close to a hamburger vortex.....it was delicious.
4931
4932Deliciously apocalyptic?
4933
4934no just deliciously fattening
4935
4936and life threatening.
4937yeah, I like when things remind you of people, though....like every time I talk about strawberries, I think of this one chick in work who loves them, but is allergic....and when I see smilies, I think of a certain person.
4938
4939Sam Walton, creater of Walmat??
4940
4941Exactly! (lol smiley)
4942we tease my one friend all the time...she's Filipino and she told her boyfrind when he was making her character on the Wii that she's "not THAT asian" because he slanted her eyes too much.....so the constant joke is: 
4943Person 1: "Michelle's asian." 
4944Person 2: "Dude, she's not that asian."
4945
4946I dont get it....
4947
4948The point is she's asian but not that asian.
4949
4950her name is also most likely michelle
4951personally, I prefer altering all the prepositions in a sentence, like so: 
4952
4953If you want under rise down the masses near the field under combat, then this is the sword you should have onto your hand or strapped outside your belt. Its temper and sharpness are head and shoulders near the rest. One two, one two, and beyond and above -- within this sword like your side, it won't be long of victory is inside your reach.
4954
4955oooh, freshness!
4956When inspiration strikes, you'd better be holding an umbrella.
4957
4958I like inspiration. It's all wet, cold and clammy, plus it hires small teenaged children to kill me. 
4959
4960No, no, no. These teens are actually my clones (yes, some of them are girls, but they're still clones of mine), and they are fighting to replace me!
4961
4962So if you just hide long enough they'll all kill each other off and then you'll only have one clone to deal with.
4963
4964So if you just hide long enough they'll all kill each other off and then you'll only have one clone to deal with. (shock x3)
4965
4966So you secretly want to have an affair...with yourself?
4967
4968Well, one of them was quite pretty, but fortunately I ascribe to enforcing the taboo against incest.
4969Why are we bolding letters?
4970
4971Cuz we like it big and black.
4972
4973I'm not touching that with a 10 foot pole. 
4974
4975...er... that is to say... 
4976
4977...uh... 
4978
4979(lol smiley)
4980
4981Racism is unacceptable behavior.
4982
4983I agree whole bodyedly. Which is like wholeheartedly times a million.
4984I ran into a man on the street today. I noticed that his back hair was arranged in a most unusual pattern. From this I was able to deduce the very nature of the UNIVERSE
4985
4986Hah, the universe is simple. Try deducing the nature of the polyverse, that'll throw you for a loop.
4987
4988I would, but I'm too occupied trying to keep my plane made of pyrex aloft.
4989
4990Pyrannosaurus Rex?
4991
4992That's what damaged my plane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4993
4994Yeah those things are just plain nasty. I once saw one destroy an entire city block with one revolution of it's gigantic tread-like legs.
4995what are we remembering?
4996
4997we are remembering How2Slurp: The Wonder Years
4998
4999That was seriously the best time/ movie of all time.
5000
5001The Wonder Years....that was the show with Marilyn Manson in it, right?
5002
5003It's actually the story of morgan's life.
5004Flux is equal to the diffusion through some radius r. Specifically, when cooking spaghetti, the equation is J(water)=Kd dC/dr for the water, and j(spaghetti)=Hd dC/dr
5005
5006But everything is made of hair.
5007
5008I do not disagree. That's what String Theory is all about, after all.
5009Naw, I already have an idea who I want to snuggle with, and sorry, but no he's not a part of this forum. Least, i dont think so... 
5010
5011
5012*crosses her fingers that james marsden shows up at her doorstep*
5013
5014who dat frich?
5015
5016James Marsden?....Cyclops?....srsly?
5017
5018Well I'd prefer Kevin Doyle version from 27 Dresses. I'd like to actually SEE his eyes, without facing instant death, thankyou very much....
5019
5020This guy sounds like he's probably more dumb than the dumbest person to ever be dumb, ever.
5021
5022Soo you mean, you?
5023
5024The current level of snappiness is: WHA-PISH! YOU JUST GOT CRACKED LIKE A WHIP!
5025
5026http://i1.tinypic.com/xo1gtx.gif
5027if it is i could get so rich so fast. If only i could figure out how it works.
5028
5029What about when all the riches you would accrue get stolen by pigeons and brigands?
5030
5031And thank you morgan for sharing all my troubles on a public forum
5032
5033I mean, no one had to know they were real.
5034
5035And now if you change yours no one will
5036
5037Well, I'm not changing it. So now the world knows your troubles.
5038fresh
5039
5040fresh juice?
5041
5042Fresh milk, dude.
5043
5044fresh hair milk
5045
5046as if there's any other kind
5047
5048well, there's hairless milk....but nobody drinks that anymore.
5049
5050That's soy milk. Made by hairless droids.
5051
5052I thought the hairless droids made barley milk, though!
5053
5054no, that's the Bob Marley Barley Droids
5055Shannara: Unspoken Thoughts 
5056
5057Sword of Shannara: You're dead. 
5058Brona: Oh, I'm dead.
5059
5060you misquoted!....Brona says "Oh, Shades, I'm dead."
5061
5062But these are unspoken thoughts.
5063
5064And it takes real talent to misquote something that was never said :P
5065
5066Oh yes it does. Yes, it does.
5067
5068so, you admit to slandering Brona's good name?
5069
5070I will admit to nothing, including admitting that i won't admit to anything.
5071Did you know that the Rising by Brian Keene was the winner of the Bram Stoker Award?
5072
5073nope....is that an adult XXX novel?.....sounds like it.
5074
5075It's actually about a balloon. That isn't used for sexual purposes.
5076
5077ooooooooh, but where's the fun in that?
5078
5079Well you see, the trick is that the balloon is Bruce Willis.
5080
5081but Bruce Willis has everything to do with sexual purposes.
5082
5083And that's why the book is so crazy!
5084
5085there's a book?
5086
5087Yes...that's what we've been talking about literally the entire time.
5088
5089Also, the book is actually about a zombie apocalypse.
5090
5091Yes...that's what we've been talking about literally the entire time.
5092
5093
5094ah, you mistake me for someone who pays attention to what you say.
5095
5096Oh you're right, my mistake :P
5097
5098There is currently a notepad document on my desktop with the file name "Sustainability It is Milky Fresh". Within lies the following: 
5099
5100Sustainability: it’s pretty milky fresh. You guys! We should totally be sustainable now, okay? Look, in a few million years I’ll just be some oil lying thousands of feet in the ground, and these Arab dudes will totally drill me up, stick me in a barrel, and send me to get set on fire in a fat American’s SUV. BUT! It doesn’t have to be this way. We could totally get to party inside the Earth forever rather than get lit on fire in an engine if the people start being sustainable, Utahraptor!
5101
5102what are we talking about now?
5103
5104Documents on my desktop
5105
5106ah…..why?
5107
5108Because I brought them up :P
5109
5110First post, by for all those people out there who are smart but act stupid or vice versa (spelling?) be free to be yourselves ( however stupid you may be) 
Smart+stupid=smupid
5111
5112
5113
5114The pigs are all going to fly to the moon, eat the radioactive cheese in the radioactive cheese mines they find there, fly back down to Earth with their powers from radiation and kill every human on the planet.
5115
5116ok.....
5117Hello everyone:-):-)
5118
5119I am Smupid!!!
5120Oooohh, I love S'mores!!!
5121
5122i dont love them but i like;-)
5123
5124Hey, I think I had one of those once! Isn't it 2 slices of cheese, with melted coffee beans and roasted lard in the middle?...
5125
5126no its the ghram(sp?) crackers with the marshmellow and the piece of chocolate inside.
5127
5128And they taste wonderful. 
5129Have you ever played Croquet?
5130
5131hell no....that's for Brits....no offense....jk
5132
5133I played once.
5134
5135are you British?......no?.....then why play such a silly game?
5136
5137do you take offense against the Brits for being white?! 
RACIST!!
5138
5139what in the world...
5140
5141ohmygosh! i love this forum because we can be so free
5142being sad is bad
5143
5144and being bad = robbing banks 
so if you're sad you rob banks 
5145
5146That would cheer me up! 
5147
5148when ya rob the bank can I have a few bucks 

ya know college students... poor poor poor :-P
5149
5150I'll think about it...
5151
5152yo, man.....if you need a partner in crime....just lemme know.....i've got connections in a couple of the local banks.
5153
5154Sounds like a plan!
5155
5156let's do it! *goes to get some masks, suction cup hand thingies, and a book on how to rob banks*
5157
5158*gets a better book on how to rob banks* 

*robs every bank in the world before walker can rob any* 

*immediately burns all the money*
5159
5160that's great morgan, ruin everyone's fun...
5161
5162*supervises*
5163
5164Yeah, great job Morgan.
5165
5166no money???.....WOOT!!!.....now, what's the point of me having a job?.....*quits his job*
5167
5168lol, *watches as the economy collapses and bush is blamed*
5169
5170*eats bush's left arm*
5171
5172yay...i mean now now shaz... 
5173RUNAWAY! THEY CHANGED THE LAW AND NOW SMUPID IS A CROSS BETWEEN SMART AND CUPID!!! RUNAWAY!
5174I just recently read walker's bio and discovered why a jachyra can cause him no harm. 
Bio: 
"I am Walker, also known as Man on Fire or Superman. That's me, and some of my fire coming off of me. There was a tree in the background but it melted. You shouldn't mess with me. I sneezed and Mt. St. Helen erupted. I coughed and the Sun came into existence. I'm immortal and impenetrable, and I rule this world with an iron fist. Racism is not tolerated. Laughing is not tolerated. Fun is tolerated, but only at your expense." 
*hides a smirk*
5175Late Sunrises Under Notmonroeville
5176
5177what was going on in this thread....
5178
5179Notvampires won't always heal notyou.
5180
5181Ohh that's good to know
5182
5183*wonders how Morgan suddenly aquired so much wisdom*
5184
5185it's the chicken finger and mushroom diet.
5186and i thought everyone was messed up on here 
5187
5188 I'm a shining beacon of sanity in these dark and crazy waters, though, so not everyone is messed up.
5189
5190rotflmao 

yeah you are totally a "shining beacon of sanity" 

and i am the queen of England
5191
5192And I'm a happy little pink ant named Lulu.
5193i like big lips...
5194
and i cannot lie 
you other brothers can't deny 
when a girl walks in with an itty bitty neck 
and some poofy lips in your face you get sprung 

sorry....Sir Shaz-A-Lot moment
5195Once there was a man named Shady Dave. Yes that was his legal name, not a nickname or a reflection of his well-known underground workings as a smuggler of paperclips and bird droppings. In fact, he was named Shady by his parents because his dad was a prophet who foretold the coming of a loud, ominous, light-colored, profane, rhythmic messiah who would be called Shady. And Shady Dave's last name just happened to be a common first name. The worst part is that a survey was done in 1998 by the Shane Diamond Company that discovered that 40% of dogs have been trained to attack people named Dave for no known reason. And for some reason, Shady Dave chose to be called "Dave" instead of "Shady" (probably because he was dropped on his head as a kid). For those of you who are a little slow in math, that means that 2 out of every 5 dogs attack Dave on sight. But anyways, besides his overwhelming fear of dogs, his instinctive attraction to Eminem, and his less-than-reputable/desirable occupation, Shady Dave was a pretty normal guy. He woke up in the morning, collected bird droppings from his roof, read the newspaper, inspected the turds, and drove around the city all day selling them to pranksters who smeared them all over the cars of people they don't like (you didn't really think those bird droppings all over your car were put there directly by birds, did you? No, there's a whole secret business devoted entirely to framing birds for the crime of indiscriminate feces splattering). Pretty normal guy. However, that all changed one tragic day when there was a leak at one of the power plants. The plant began releasing it's waste into a local reservoir, turning the water a subtly different shade of blue and making the fish 1% larger, uglier, and stupider. This increase in size, ugliness, and stupidity mutated the fish into a laxative when they were eaten by any birds in the area. Unfortunately for Dave, this meant that now the birds were actually pooping all over everything. Dave was out of a job. And a house too after the pranksters formed an angry, medieval mob and pitchforked his house to the ground (there were only 12 people in the mob, so needless to say it took a while). Dave, like many jobless, homeless people, decided his life was pointless. And as so many of these desperate people do, he went to the casino. As he reached the casino, a leprechaun sprang out of the shadows and started beating Dave with a muddy couch cushion. It is also a well-known fact among many circles that leprechauns have a tendency towards spontaneous violence using harmless household furniture items (I was once attacked by one using a lamp shade). But because Dave was aware that leprechauns are not only allergic to hairy legs but also are very small, he picked the leprechaun up by it's tacky green suit and said, "Yo frich paps, my ming is all hairy now. Get your sich out of my face or i'll milk you so hard you'll be begging for a juicin'." The leprechaun was startled because it didn't know what half of those words even meant when they were used in a sentence in that way. So he went away to look them up on urbandictionary.com but was mauled by a bunch of 7-year olds on the way who kept carrying on about how he had to give them their cereal now. Anyways, Shady Dave headed towards the casino, having already forgotten everything he had ever known in his life. He was very dismayed therefore when he tried to pet 5 dogs at once and 2 of them attacked him. A passerby happened to see the incident and used a dogwhistle, five dollars, and a can of bugspray to get the dogs off of Dave. Dave was taken to a hospital, where he lost use of his hands, 8 of his toes, one knee, both elbows, his left eyelid, his tongue, one ear, and his left nipple. From that day on, Dave was only known as "Uuuuh", which is the only sound he could make without his tongue. Uuuuh did not live happily ever after because he went bankrupt from the hospital bills and married a roll of toilet paper. The End.
5196
5197my ming is all hairy now
5198
I have a new catchphrase
5199Blah di da dee doo.
5200
5201Dude, the last time I said that out loud was the time that as soon as I said it, I won the lottery, everyone I ever loved died, I became king of the universe, I lost all of my money, I was impeached from my throne, and everyone I ever loved was resurrected
5202
5203So...nothing happened?
5204
5205Well, a lot happened, it's just that all the things that happened canceled each other out
5206light the candle from both ends!
5207
5208And watch the world burn?
5209
5210
5211
5212those would be awesome lyrics to a song
5213
5214
5215Call me the bus driver, because I'm taking you to school.
5216
5217Call me the camera man because once you say cheese all you'll see is the flash.
5218
5219Call me the parent that's mad that you missed the bus, because I'm taking you to school.
5220
5221Call me the kid that sits at the back of the bus all alone, because I've really got nothing to say.
5222
5223call me the truant officer that has caught you ditching, because I'm taking you to school.
5224
5225hear ye lunch, hear ye lunch! Mohney is imminent!
5226oh, shnapplepops, youve discovered my secret corporate subliminal message
5227
5228I got that fever for the flavor of the favors of the fever.
5229
5230so do yaself a fava, give a fava to a playa, then dont ask for him to pay ya just to pass it to his nayba?
5231
5232Nayba? Is that the sound a mix between a horse and a sheep would make? Naaaaay-bah! Pretty sweet.
5233i love those lawyer commercials that say that kind of thing...."have you been in an accident resulting in your dismemberment or death?"
5234
5235"...then you may be entitled to CASH NOW! Call now for a free 30 min consult"
5236
5237yeah, I want to call them and say I'm dead and I want my money NOW! (lol)
5238Why that's as clear as bucket full of fish.
5239
5240I feel like the opacity of a bucket isn't affected by its contents, unless maybe it was made of some kind of spongelike material that was see-through.
5241
5242Ah but you haven't considered that a bucket is really nothing more than a glass made of keys. And as everyone knows, keys unlock things, like doors. And when a door is unlocked it is opened. And you can see through an open door. So really buckets are see-through. As aren't fish.
5243
5244but YOU'RE failing to take into account that most fish are so thin that they are, in fact, 2-dimensional creatures. Therefore, because they're only 2D, light has no trouble passing right through them. Therefore, you can see right through them.
5245
5246Yes! And the only way to catch a 2-dimensional fish is by trapping it in a 2-dimensional bucket
5247
5248or, draw a circle around it.
5249
5250Technically, a circle is only as good as the hand that drew it.
5251English muffins are the reason that hygiene has been outlawed in India.
5252
5253don’t be racist
5254
5255Racism is a right for the people by the people.
5256
5257no... do I need to recite for you the sacred tenants again? 
5258
5259"Racism will not be tolerated. Laughing will not be tolerated. Fun will be tolerated, but only at your own expense."
5260
5261Ah, a very wise man once said those words.
5262
5263me?
5264
5265Absolutely not. The lunch oracle.
5266
5267ah, that sage
5268
5269so......me?
5270
5271You wish you could even dust the dirt off of the lunch oracle's massive suns slippers.
5272The crowd is on its feet.
5273
5274not when i'm through with them
5275
5276Will they be doing yoga?
5277
5278or will they be buried up to their waste in hair?
5279
5280They could be doing a combination of both.
5281
5282hmmmm...sounds like a party
5283
5284Par tay lik a rawk starr.
5285hecks no....well, do you count Ronald McDonald?....because there was a "fat Ronald" there.
5286
5287HAHAHAHAHA! Oh I wish I had a picture.
5288
5289ask and ye shall receive:
5290http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/shazammm/DSCN1787.jpg
5291
5292oh... my.... god..... that's priceless!!
5293
5294yeah, he was fun. (lol)
5295
5296Oh, was he? :P
5297
5298Walker’s jealous :P
5299
5300it's ok, walker, I'll share. (lol)
5301
5302Sharing is caring, although i don't know what's being shared any more.
5303
5304he word "share" reminds me of that creepy purple dinosaur whose name we won't mention.
5305
5306In Ireland he's called Blarney.
5307
5308that is an inaccurate statement
5309
5310Or rather it is a disaccurate ming.
5311
5312i mean, that's synonymous
5313
5314With milking cows and shaving urine off of milk?
5315Go peel the paint off of your living room wall with your tongue right now.
5316
5317Sich, we just paid thousands to get the goods painted
5318
5319I said now.
5320
5321No, Fresh Coat did the goods
5322
5323What part of "now" do you not understand?
5324
5325the o
5326
5327O is a letter and also a hole to put my pie in.
5328I know for a fact that no words have come out of your mouth while these posts were in the process of being typed/posted.
5329
5330I said them so quietly that not even a giant with super-hearing that was wielding the world's largest and most effective ear-trumpet along with the world's most powerful hearing aid that would end up being deafened by something as quiet as the padding steps of a cockroach from a planet in a different solar system would have even heard the faintest hint of a slight sound at all
5331
5332walkerboh01:Wow...That's so quiet not even a rabid mongoose could hear it.
5333
5334Psh a rabid mongoose's hearing is the worst hearing of any creature, their hearing sucks so much that they wouldn't even be able to hear a 500 pound person on a pogo stick on a giant bass drum that was sitting right on top of their head
5335
5336That is the most ridiculous analogical hypothetical situation i have ever seen.
5337
5338That's what I have become skilled at
5339
5340This is certainly not the most useless skill, but it is by far not the most useful skill.
5341
5342I'd put it somewhere between whistling the macerena and being able to know what the stock market prices will be 3 seconds in advance
5343Goin' to the the top, and there ain't no one to stop us 
5344And I sure ain't forgot when everybody used to judge me 
5345Now that I got posts in my pocket and a whole lot of profits 
5346Seems like everybody loves me 
5347I know you like my style, I know you like my style 
5348I know you love the way I put it doooown 
5349I made it through the forum downtime 
5350So when you see me postin' give me a standing ovation
5351I wish pasta was a form of currency.
5352
5353oh, but it is!! in pastaworld.
5354
5355How do I get there and how much is a bowl of flaming pasta worth?
5356
Pastaworld: 
5357
5358Capital City: Rigatoniville 
5359Main Export: Pene 
5360Population: as much as you can swirl around your fork
5361
5362I can swirl, like, 2 noodles.
5363
5364If you use a spoon like the pros you could swirl 3.
5365
5366amateurs....I can swirl with the best.
5367Morgan_Leah:And now for something completely different. 
5368
5369How about those sporks?
5370
5371dude, that's disgusting!
5372
5373How so?
5374
5375Sporks are like the transvestites of plasticware
5376
5377No, sporks are the geeks of the plasticware world.
5378
5379transy geeks
5380
5381Clearly I have completely failed to notice any suggestive themes that might be present on this page
5382Yeah, sometimes I look at posts I made from years ago and think "what on earth was wrong with me when I decided to write that" and other posts I think "wow I was an absolute genius"
5383
5384Weird, i do the same thing with posts from like 2 weeks ago.
5385
5386Nah, basically anything from the last couple years I find solid. It's things from 3-5 years ago that this tends to happen. 
5387Example, march 2005: 
5388
5389Put a soda can in an egg and put it in a dodo's nest until it hatches, then drink it... uuuuuuuuuuup! Then throw it up into a trigonometry homework that a mohneybihrd assigned to your great great grandkids 5000000000 years in the past in the dimension that is a secant to ours that got lost and twisted into a square with 5.6785 sides! 
5390
5391
5392It starts ok I guess, but it ends up with such dense incomprehensibility that it loses all sense of amusement. But that's how I was back then, too weird for words and no sense of what to do with it. Now I harness it to ends of utmost excellence.
5393
5394Yeah that's just random upon random upon weird upon more random. Gotta have at least some order to the madness.
5395
5396Like the "tanequil summary". Now you could certainly argue that it too is super-dense incomprehensibility, but that's only if you don't know the source of it. If you know that it's a live narrative of a literal interpretation of about 20 minutes of TV, said TV content being part of an episode of yu-gi-oh with the commercials as well, then it becomes hilarious as you read through and start identifying the context of everything.
5397
5398The best ones are either things like that or just random stories that are almost based on reality but skewed in just enough ways to be hilariously funny.
5399
5400Exactly.
5401
5402And being experts on the subject, we would know.
5403
5404We're probably the world's foremost experts on the topic.
5405
5406Yeah especially since i took the liberty of copyrighting the title.
5407
5408Which title is this?
5409
5410Experts On Random Humor.
5411
5412Legit.
5413straight up gangsta, yo
5414The best stealth mission is trying to slip little packets of salt into the pockets and hoods of people's jackets during winter without them noticing.
5415
5416I do that with ketchup packets....things can get messier.
5417
5418Yeah if you convince them they're on fire and make them stop drop and roll. Then you tell them that's their blood not ketchup. Good joke.
5419
5420I was thinking more along the lines of slapping them on the back and then when they put the hood up, they get hair full o' ketchup
5421Then you should light your facial hair on fire now.
5422
5423*rubs his scruff* 
5424
5425but there's not much right now.
5426
5427That's exactly why the time is right to preemptively incinerate it.
5428
5429bah!....I refuse....burning hair is a heresy!
5430
5431And it smells bad.
5432
5433your mom?
5434
5435And it smells bad.
5436
5437
5438But it hurts so good.
5439
5440I played that song on Guitar Hero
5441
5442It Smells Bad But It Hurts So Good?