9kiRFF6i

1#This is my doxbot SCraper.
2
3import scrapy
4from SCpider.items import SCraped
5from scrapy.loader import ItemLoader
6# Imports the spider class.
7class ScraperSpider(scrapy.Spider):
8 name = 'SCraper'
9 allowed_domains = ['sociopathcommunity.com']
10 start_urls = ["https://sociopathcommunity.com","http://sociopathcommunity.com/Forum/Index/2/"]
11 p = 3
12 newpage =  "http://sociopathcommunity.com/Forum/Index/{}"
13 while p <= 215:
14  start_urls.append(newpage.format(p))
15  p += 1
16 
17#The above code block makes it fetch every SC index page. Sub the 215 for the present number of SC index pages at the time.
18 
19 def parse(self, response):
20  for href in response.xpath('//a[@class="topic-link"]/@href').getall():
21   yield scrapy.Request(response.urljoin(href) , callback=self.topicparse)
22 
23#The above code block takes the responses to those index pages fetched on the last code block and then fetches every topic on the page. Leave it alone.
24  
25 def topicparse(self, response):
26   Geolist = [ 'belgium', 'seattle','rhode', 'colorado springs', ' north ', 'dogwood', 'houston', 'taiwan', 'indianapolis', 'tennessee', 'luxembourg', 'burundi', 'frankfort', 'france', 'canada', ' oak ', 'lebanon', ' india ', 'fort wayne', 'ivory coast', ' plains ', 'virginia', 'jacksonville', 'uruguay', 'carson', 'somalia', 'guyana', 'bakersfield',  'denmark',
27    'vermont', 'riverside', 'las vegas', 'albany', 'sacramento', ' haiti ', 'cambodia', 'lexington', ' ohio ', ' hills ', ' cuba ', ' spruce ', 'american', 'henderson', 'chicago', 'topeka', ' fir ', 'omaha', 'vietnam', 'anaheim', 'toledo', ' palo ', ' palm ', 'pakistan', 'djibouti', 'japan', 'chandler', ' iran ', 'panama', 'redwood', 'moldova', 'iraq', ' uk ', 'jamaica', 'ukraine', 'chula vista', 'qatar', 
28'estonia', 'san bernardino', 'poland', 'greensboro', 'springfield', 'kazakhstan', ' plano ', 'long beach', 'indonesia', 'lincoln', 'fremont', ' dover ', 'wyoming', 'macedonia', 'venezuela', 'cottonwood', ' santa ', 'sitka', 'samoa', ' salem ', 'sabal', 'syria', ' bur ', 'garland', 'ethiopia', 'flowering', ' york ', 'cyprus', 'washington', 'brunei', 'longleaf', 'el salvador', 'florida', ' iowa ', ' nauru ', 'louisville', 
29'niger', 'croatia', 'sequoia', ' pine ', 'kiribati', 'morocco', 'finland', 'st lucia', 'suriname', 'richmond', 'bismarck', 'russia', 'illinois', 'pennsylvania', 'latvia', 'st louis', 'azerbaijan', 'idaho', 'montpelier', ' italy ', 'antigua' , 'uganda', 'united arab emirates', 'netherlands', 'new orleans', 'turkmenistan', 'colorado', 'thailand', 'boston', 'irvine', 'irving', 'england ', 'ecuador', 
30'aurora', 'argentina', 'raleigh', 'gambia', 'kosovo', ' spain ', 'sierra leone', ' lake ', 'california', 'rwanda', 'monaco', 'little rock', 'palmetto', 'nebraska', 'bhutan', 'bahrain', 'united states', 'brazil', 'nevada', 'mississippi', 'hialeah', 'serbia', ' birch ', 'liberia', 'birmingham', ' laredo ', ' baton ', ' yemen ', 'new zealand', 'annapolis', 'kentucky', 'norfolk', 'mauritius', 'redbud',
31'virginia beach', 'belarus', 'alaska', ' tree ', ' aspen ', 'senegal', ' tampa ', ' mali ', 'zimbabwe', 'stockton', 'tobago', 'arlington', 'gilbert town, arizona', 'louisiana', 'sao tome' , 'principe', 'madagascar', 'alabama', 'bulgaria', 'burkina', 'albania', 'missouri', 'montenegro', ' ghana ', 'bangladesh',  'dallas', 'maldives', 'ireland', 'congo', 'madison', 'pittsburgh', 
32'lesotho', 'bosnia', 'philippines', 'wichita', 'columbus', 'buffalo', 'sweden', 'maine', ' maple ', 'seychelles', ' reno ', ' malta ', 'st louis', 'hartford', 'miami', 'afghanistan', 'nicaragua', 'moines', 'juneau', 'egypt', 'milwaukee',  'slovenia', 'hampshire', 'memphis', 'dominica', 'san francisco', 'phoenix', 'slovakia', 'andorra', 'concord', 'cypress', 'mozambique', 'costa rica', 'albuquerque',
33 'solomon islands', 'baton rouge', 'cameroon', 'tunisia', 'montgomery', 'kansas', 'mexico', 'philadelphia', 'los angeles', ' peru ', 'iceland', 'honolulu', 'namibia', 'delaware', 'orlando', 'paraguay', 'fresno', 'cleveland', ' utah ', 'denver', 'tuvalu', ' mesa ', 'swaziland', 'turkey', 'malaysia', 'wisconsin', 'romania', 'santa ana', ' boise ', 'singapore', 'hemlock', ' rock ', 
34'cincinnati', 'newark', 'nashville', 'saudi arabia', 'jefferson', 'botswana', 'san diego', 'corpus christi', 'cheyenne', 'south africa', 'algeria', 'tonga', 'myanmar', 'island', 'magnolia', 'libya', 'arizona', 'chesapeake', 'tajikistan', 'united kingdom', 'liechtenstein', ' west ', 'lansing', 'cape verde', 'malawi', 'winston-salem', 'israel', ' sudan ', 'lubbock', 'germany', ' laos ', 'switzerland', 'oakland',
35 'armenia', 'connecticut', 'czech republic', 'hawaii', 'east timor', 'fort worth', 'trinidad', 'bristlecone', 'san antonio', 'san marino', 'nepal', 'mauritania', 'massachusetts', 'barbados', ' oman ', 'nigeria', 'new york city', 'portland', 'maryland', 'douglas', ' togo ', 'minneapolis', 'buckeye', 'charleston', 'charlotte', 'lithuania', 'petersburg', 'bolivia', 'norway', ' poplar ', 'glendale', 'tallahassee', 
36  ' greece ', ' fiji ', 'las vegas', 'western', 'sri lanka', 'st paul', 'anchorage', 'jordan', 'dakota', 'olympia', ' pinon ', 'austria', 'georgia', ' tx ', ' palau ', ' holly ', ' pierre ', 'jackson', 'comoros', 'providence', 'san jose', 'kuwait', 'atlanta', 'harrisburg', 'guatemala', ' gabon ', 'vanuatu', 'arkansas', ' chile ', 'augusta', 'china', 'scottsdale', 'austin', 'bahamas', 'portugal', 'montana',
37  'dominican', 'papua new guinea', 'baltimore', 'micronesia', 'helena', 'belize', 'benin', 'angola', 'ponderosa', 'grenada', 'kyrgyzstan', 'michigan', 'tanzania', 'jersey', 'columbia', 'colombia', 'minnesota', 'tulsa', 'scotland', 'mongolia', 'zambia', 'uzbekistan', 'texas', ' tulip ', 'el paso', ' wv ', 'marshall islands', 'australia', 'honduras', 'carolina', 'detroit' ,
38'tucson', ' south ', 'guinea', 'trenton', 'kukui', 'kenya', 'eritrea', ' verde ', 'oregon', 'durham', 'indiana', 'hungary', 'oklahoma', 'mountain', 'desert', 'degrees', 'temperature','hurricane','ocean','beach','waves','surfing','urban','rural','suburbs','river','valley','canyon', 'palm trees', 'palm trees', ' cove ', 'earthquake', ' freezing ', 'blizzard', 'bojangle','jack in the box','jamba juice','panda express','jollibee','great american cookies',' east ',' southeast ',' southwest ',
39' northwest ',' northeast ',' south ',' north ',' west ',' snow ','gold star chili','skyline chili','tim hortons','raising canes','graeter','big boy','carls jr','hardees','checkers','rallys','fatburger','in n out','bob evans','ruby tuesday','waffle house',' chuy','mellow mushroom',' asia ','north america','south america','europe',
40'batoche', 'saskatoon', 'souris', 'placentia', 'springhill', 'york factory', 'happy valley', 'havre-saint-pierre', 'revelstoke', 'watson lake', 'ferryland', 'sainte-foy', 'saguenay', 'chambly', 'saint-eustache', 'elliot lake', 'quesnel', 'percé', 'bancroft', 'sept-îles', 'swan river', 'halifax', 'sarnia-clearwater', 'saint albert', 'asbestos', 'baddeck', 'dauphin', 'midland', 'cold spring', 'hot spring','temperate','subtropical','tropical',' cold ',' heat ',
41'dawson creek', 'west vancouver', 'baie-comeau',  'thompson', 'la tuque', 'dalhousie', 'bathurst', 'montréal-nord', 'belleville', 'prince edward island', 'newfoundland', 'yukon', 'saint catharines', 'vernon', 'sorel-tracy', 'sault sainte marie', 'brampton', 'cambridge', 'summerside', 'miramichi', 'stratford', 'granby', 'nelson', 'west nipissing', 'welland', 'corner brook',
42 'nova scotia', 'st. john’s', 'oshawa', 'timmins', 'oak bay', 'harbour grace', 'yellowknife', 'cornwall', 'victoria', 'perth', 'fort frances', 'wabana', 'fort smith', 'northwest territories', 'jasper', 'churchill', 'toronto', 'campbell river', 'laurentian hills', 'rossland', 'etobicoke', 'lunenburg', 'chibougamau', 'fredericton', 'glace bay', 'trois-rivières', 'orillia', 'cavendish', 'charlesbourg', 'edmonton',
43 'kapuskasing', 'north vancouver', 'sainte-thérèse', 'kingston', 'port hawkesbury', 'kuujjuaq', 'niagara-on-the-lake', 'rouyn-noranda', 'banff', 'fort mcmurray', 'new brunswick', 'sherbrooke', 'whitehorse', 'burnaby', 'lake louise', 'sudbury', 'cranbrook', 'lachine', 'london', 'hamilton', 'courtenay', 'iroquois falls', 'kawartha lakes', 'nanaimo', 'peterborough', 'port colborne', ' york ', 'quebec', 'magog',
44 'medicine hat', 'sydney', 'montreal', 'châteauguay', 'brandon', 'grande prairie', 'hay river', 'estevan', 'lethbridge', 'channel-port aux basques', 'burlington', 'rimouski', 'grand falls', 'borden', 'beloeil', 'gaspé', 'woodstock', 'langley', 'fort saint john', 'saint anthony', 'kamloops', 'chilliwack', 'prince rupert', 'gatineau', 'temiskaming shores', 'waskaganish', 'windsor', 'val-d’or', 'fort erie', 'barkerville', 'bonavista', 'labrador city', 'saint-hubert', 'flin flon', 'chatham', 'saint boniface', 'guelph', 'thunder bay', 'laval', 'lévis', 'matane', 'port-cartier', 'moosonee', 'moncton', 'kildonan', 'british columbia', 'new westminster', 'dawson', 'la salle', 'vancouver', 'penticton', 'delta', 'fort saint james', 'red deer', 'digby', 'parry sound', 'louisbourg', 'kelowna', 'kirkland lake', 'argentia', 'kimberley', 'jonquière', 'caraquet', 'saint thomas', 'iqaluit', 'ontario', 'labrador', 'ottawa', 'manitoba', 'thorold', 'tuktoyaktuk', 'moose jaw', 'yarmouth', 'nunavut', 'prince albert', 'kenora', 'trenton', 'charlottetown', 'oakville', 'niagara falls', 'uranium city', 'inuvik', 'chatham-kent', 'sainte-anne-de-beaupré', 'gander', 'dorval', 'barrie', 'esquimalt', 'goose bay', 'moose factory', 'scarborough', 'cap-de-la-madeleine', 'mississauga', 'côte-saint-luc', 'regina', 'liverpool', 'winnipeg', 'brantford', 'powell river', 'longueuil', 'north york', 'gananoque', 'simcoe', 'picton', 'north bay', 'saskatchewan', 'brockville', 'cumberland house', 'pictou', 'waterloo', 'kitchener', 'kitimat', 'saint john',
45' nice day ', ' lovely day ', ' this morning ', ' this evening ', ' dark out ', ' this afternoon ', 'birmingham','hamburg',' paris ','mountain lion',' kroger ','7-11','711',' food lion ', 'west coast','east coast',' armadillo ',' dolphin ', ' surfing ',' magpie ',' oreal ',' hunting ','black tail','white tail',' bobcat ',' raccoon ', 'black bear', 'grizzly', 'brown bear', ' monarch ', ' cicada ',' dead birds ',' jamba ',' ikea ','wegmans','krispy kreme',' mountains ',' hiking ',' hike ',' weather ','snowmageddon',' tornado ',' drought ',' fishing ','alligator',' deer ',' albino ',' sand ',' dust ', ' bus ',' uber ',' drove ',' my name ',' visited ',' tiger ',' sugar glider ',
46' fox ',' wolf ',' coyote ',' wild boar ',' roadkill ',' ice ',' frozen ',' cloudy ',' clouds ',' sunny ',' concert ',' shooting ',' police ',' murder ',' lake ',' swimming ',' swim ',' sulfur ',' black widow ',' brown recluse ',' pet ',' disease ',' washington dc ']
47   
48   #This is the list of possible geographic identifiers. These are words that could help zero in on somebody's general location. Add to it and modify it as you please.
49   
50   for data in response.xpath('//span[(@class="username-span") and (text()="Blanc")]/ancestor::section/descendant::div[@class="post-content"]/descendant::text()').getall():
51    if data is not None:
52     for x in Geolist:
53      if x in data.casefold():
54       yield { 
55              'doxdata' : data
56                 }
57       title = response.xpath('//title/text()').get()
58       yield {
59          'topic title' : title
60                }
61       break
62      else:
63       continue
64   
65   
66   
67   #The above code block takes the list of words and checks if any of those words are in any of a specified SC user's posts. 
68   #It also shows you the topic that each post was in.
69   #To change the target of this scraper, change the username as specified in the response.xpath expression in the first line of the above code block. - (text()="(insert target without parenthesis)")
70   
71   href = response.xpath('//span[@class="inner-button glyphicon glyphicon glyphicon-forward"]/parent::a/@href').get()
72   if href is not None:
73    yield scrapy.Request(response.urljoin(href) , callback= self.topicparse)
74   else:
75    pass
76   	  #The above code block fetches the next page of the topic to be similarly parsed, ignore it.
77   	
78 #I exported the output of my first test, on Blanc, #in the output json lines file. Here it is-
79---------------------------------------------------
80{"doxdata": "very similar to my story (obviously not exactly the same but, I can relate) but they cut out the nasty rock bottom part, which. I said many years ago if anyone were to ever watch a movie about my life, it would be too painful to watch and they'd have to cut out the bad parts. Looks like that's what they did here.\u00a0"}
81{"doxdata": "They cinematically portrayed rock bottom very briefly but, the truth is his rock bottom lasted more than a few minutes Overdosing in a bathroom stall, the hell goes on and on too long for anyone to want to watch. And you're brought to a level that is inhumane.\u00a0"}
82{"doxdata": "And once again, the rock bottom is a lot uglier. They pretty much just skipped over it.\u00a0"}
83{"doxdata": "for some it's a way of dealing with everything going on around them and inside them, and serves as a barrier between themselves. like, a dark place you can go to and, suicide, self harm, depression- you allow these things to become your \"friends\" and you prefer it that way. you have a sense of control. it's also an isolating behavior, that goes alongside the severe depression. or sometimes eating disorders and borderline."}
84{"doxdata": "hope by the sea in California is one of the wealthiest rehabs in the U.S that I know of\u00a0"}
85{"doxdata": "hope by the sea in California is one of the wealthiest rehabs in the U.S that I know of\u00a0"}
86{"doxdata": "The oceans of her kindness, they will pull you under."}
87{"doxdata": "The oceans of her kindness, they will pull you under."}
88{"doxdata": "and sneak out of the hotel I'm staying in with beers in my coat, just to sit on the beach in the dark alone and finishing them off.\u00a0"}
89{"doxdata": "There was this *beautiful* all grey cat I found for sale in Mexico\u00a0"}
90{"doxdata": "And it was the *sweetest* cat. I must of went and visited it like everyday at the mall because I was obsessed with it and wanted it so badly.\u00a0"}
91{"doxdata": "She was very pampered at this pet store though, and eventually I was there one day and just as I had showed up, there was this family holding her and she was outside her room- which meant she was being purchased.\u00a0"}
92{"doxdata": "If a squirrel chases a tree how many lightbulbs is the squirrel going to take"}
93{"doxdata": "she is from north eastern region originally psychic premonition told me that\u00a0"}
94{"doxdata": "he's in turkey there isn't anything the US can do\u00a0"}
95{"doxdata": "and something about a turtle. and the ocean, she loves the ocean and starfish.\u00a0"}
96{"doxdata": "something about travel, and wanting to write a book and be in photographs? like wanting to be famous a bit but mainly so she could write a book.. on the beach?\u00a0"}
97{"doxdata": "she is from north eastern region originally psychic premonition told me that\u00a0"}
98{"doxdata": "I\u2019m also seeing some Hindi writing, i think she got a henna tattoo once, maybe went to India I\u2019m not sure... yeah.\u00a0"}
99{"doxdata": "it's actually cold outside so this is a must\u00a0"}
100{"doxdata": "rasier fir by woodwick "}
101{"doxdata": "I recommend making the tea with Fiji or voss water or something very pure, I've noticed if you make it with hard water it's not as good.\u00a0"}
102{"doxdata": "every beauty guru on dec. 1st- CHRISTMAS EYE LOOK #NOT CLICK BAIT #MY EYELIDS ACTUALLY MELTED AND THEN RECONJEALED TO CREATE A REAL LIFE SANTA CLAUSE THAT ACTUALLY EATS, SHITS, AND BRINGS TOYS TO MY THREE YEAR OLD\u00a0"}
103{"doxdata": "but I recommend that you have someone in your life who you trust who can care for your pet just as well as you do- whenever you need- if you do get a pet. because sometimes I do fall into bouts of severe depression where things as simple as taking care of a dog are overwhelming.\u00a0"}
104{"doxdata": "he's also great because he doesn't really shed much, the type of fur he has is like pine needles? so he's kind of hypoallergenic\u00a0"}
105{"doxdata": "but only if you know you and surrounding family will take good care of it and can afford the time and money, and care, a pet deserves and requires!\u00a0"}
106{"doxdata": "(please research your pet food and treats, toys, etc. seriously. SERIOUSLY.)\u00a0"}
107{"doxdata": "david's tea has amazing holiday teas that are to die for, super unique. and also they have cute like bundles you can buy so that's nice. so you can get a little bit of a bunch of different things to try. they also have a cold and flu package which is brilliant and adorable.\u00a0"}
108{"doxdata": "and then of course starbucks teas... so refreshing. and barney's is pretty good too, when i was in new orleans i went there a lot because they don't have like any starbucks there. it was the best to just snuggle up at that specific NOLA location in the rainy weather, it kinda looks like seattle there on that street, i belive it was magazine street or somewhere around there. a tourist area. and it was raining and i just had the best cup of chamomile tea ever there. they give you HUGE cups too like a big porcelain mug which is nice.\u00a0"}
109{"doxdata": "and forte tea is the best i've ever had. in this case i think the kind of water you use also makes a difference in the taste. use like fiji water, and it just pulls so incredibly smooth. truly the warmest purest, hug type of feeing. it's just so, so good. lol\u00a0"}
110{"doxdata": "and then whatever i find at publix, on the reg. and just spruce it up with a drop of liquid stevia to sweeten, maybe a lil honey whatever floats your boat.\u00a0"}
111{"doxdata": "The lips remind me of circa 2001 Claire's lip gloss that came out just after the hit song ice ice baby rose to the top of the charts. I don't want it.\u00a0"}
112{"doxdata": "(however, the eye glitters from stila are unprecedented, and beat the urban decay topper he put on in this video and every other eye glitter in existence so.... don't buy the urban decay shit. buy stila glitters. not the stila shimmers- those are more muted. specifically their glitters.)\u00a0"}
113{"doxdata": "it's like aquaphor for your face, and a proactive treatment or sulfur mask /pink clay /charcoal mask treatment + a mini facial in one."}
114{"doxdata": "that plus ice is heavenly to me. Just perfect.\u00a0"}
115{"doxdata": "but yeah I also love dark chocolate and marshmellow so this new mocha thing they\u2019re doing as a special seems really intriguing to me... it\u2019s just more of a desert to me than something g you just drink like everyday lol\u00a0"}
116{"doxdata": "I tried London fog tea from Starbucks\u00a0"}
117{"doxdata": "but this one just wasn't calling my name personally, it doesn't take priority for me.\u00a0"}
118{"doxdata": "Fuck colourpop... you can\u2019t make ice cream themed makeup\u00a0"}
119{"doxdata": "like I almost caved and bought the Sephora x mueseum of ice cream collection when it went on sale... but I literally just wanted it because it was shaped like a popsicle\u00a0"}
120{"doxdata": "and I have my eyes on another palette solely because it\u2019s shaped like an ice cream milkshake thing it\u2019s verh cute\u00a0"}
121{"doxdata": "but this... halo top is the like #1 ice cream on the planet\u00a0"}
122{"doxdata": "she's a little heavy handed and does really dark looks which bothers me a bit because it's not my style but yeah. I've noticed a lot of people from the UK into makeup do things darker and like a different type of glam than we Americans do things... they have a slightly different version of glam over there. with the very thick chunky piecey eyelashes that look like they should be on a doll, and very dark eye shadow. they also tend to do really bold lips.\u00a0"}
123{"doxdata": "and you just don't see that look over here as much as it is like originating to the UK is what I've noticed. so it makes sense like, that's just her style.\u00a0"}
124{"doxdata": "the girl on the left, Jordan lipscombe is another example of UK makeup.\u00a0"}
125{"doxdata": "see, you notice its very very different from the American style. this is a typical UK glam beat, you just won't see anywhere else lol\u00a0"}
126{"doxdata": "they have a store in person where you can go touch and feel and see how everything is face to face but unfortunately it's in California, across the fucking country for me.\u00a0"}
127{"doxdata": "and they're acting like they've never been to this area before (it's like the most upscale area in Florida)\u00a0"}
128{"doxdata": "The Naked foundation by Urban Decay"}
129{"doxdata": "urban decay naked foundation\u00a0"}
130{"doxdata": "Also, considering caving and getting these because of the fucking ice cream.\u00a0"}
131{"doxdata": "(that was jaclyn hills idea but her formula flopped- also there weren't enough actual nudes in the collection a lot of them were pinky nudes which is like... uhhhh wheres the nudes)\u00a0"}
132{"doxdata": "and if you have a certain amount of points above that, you are in the Rouge tier (the highest tier)\u00a0"}
133{"doxdata": "and so sephora has all these specials for their VIB and Rouge members.\u00a0"}
134{"doxdata": "and if you are Rouge you get 20% off! <3"}
135{"doxdata": "This collection is very summer, needless to say. Reminds me of vacationing on a remote island in the middle of the ocean. Out on the boat all day. Or drinking mimosas in Cancun. Which is all very on point for me personally.\u00a0"}
136{"doxdata": "Especially growing up on the water in Florida, this packaging just really sold me. The PR package comes in a big sea shell, which is a big trend I'm seeing right now in home decor and fashion. It was a cute way to do a beachy summer theme, without talking about mermaids.\u00a0"}
137{"doxdata": "The shade beach bum I've seen people with deeper skin tones need a darker liner for. I even use it with a darker liner, because nude-y shades tend to clash with my skin in a weird way. A lot of people with deeper skin tones I've heard calling it \"donut mouth\" ? lol because it looks like you ate a powdered donut or something.\u00a0"}
138{"doxdata": "Um, the two doctors who treated patients of Ebola in Africa were American. They left their comfortable day jobs, to expose themselves to the most terrifying and lethal disease on this planet. In effort to help they risked their lives.\u00a0"}
139{"doxdata": "The people who protect our earth from meteor\u2019s everyday are American, they sit at a screen all day everyday and analyze meteor\u2019s approaching earth, and what to do to essentially break them up etc. This is a real thing that *is* happening. We just don\u2019t hear about it on the news because it would be an outbreak of terror. Considering the meteors are large enough to send our planet into another ice age.\u00a0"}
140{"doxdata": "There are also many emergency surgeons, whether military, or through other organizations- doctor\u2019s without borders, the peace corp, etc. That spend a lot of their lives in war torn nations, and saving people\u2019s lives everyday despite the risk, the challenge, the limited resources- sleep, etc. It\u2019s a very difficult life, and not only did these emergency surgeons dedicate 10 years of their life to rigorously studying, but then they come to your countries, and risk their lives, to save random people who will likely not even remember their face or their name. These trauma centers and operating rooms are not, like an American hospital either. They have to work in very difficult, chaotic conditions.\u00a0"}
141{"doxdata": "There are many people who are American that would carry you on their back if you had a bullet wound... and yes there is disparity in the world, in many places. Injustice. There is wrongs. There is greed.\u00a0"}
142{"doxdata": "Anyway so. Yeah I'm going to journal shit because, that's what I always do and. Yeah, last time I went off the meds I got to day 30 before I had a panic attack from a trigger, and I remained in a horribly anxious state for about 3 days and resumed taking the meds out of fear of that happening again\u00a0"}
143{"doxdata": "And the thoughts, that exist in the confusion between waking and consciousness- it feels like waking up in a blazing fire or the middle of a category five hurricane. All of your worst fears have already *happened* in this moment, and you feel a sense of impending doom that is large than a black hole eating up your inside and engulfing your entire soul. A true sense of fatality as you slip into death from the inside out.\u00a0"}
144{"doxdata": "and you lay there with your eyes closed gripping onto your pant legs and biting your lip, scrunching your face. Rocking back and forth. Until you can feel the tension in your body and on your face begin to loosen, and breathing becomes a little easier. The buzzing gets a little slower, lower, fading into the distance. The river of incoherent thoughts that sound like they were written by a schizophrenic begin to fade away too. And you become in touch again with sensation, your body and, reality. The room around you.\u00a0"}
145{"doxdata": "Magnolia Home\u00a0"}
146{"doxdata": "because when you're making a custom closet with a company like California closets or what have you, they're often like very customizable and you just have no idea what to pick, it can get overwhelming, and often the designers choices they want to make for you aren't actually best.\u00a0"}
147{"doxdata": "like my ex who was bipolar totally acted like a sociopath and I couldn\u2019t tell what the fuck was wrong with her, she had zero empathy for other people. Obviously there are varying degrees but. Yeah when I learned the empathy issue associated with bipolar it totally made complete sense to me.\u00a0"}
148{"doxdata": "It's like, the thoughts are there for everyone, the potential is there for everyone to feel and see and think things the way I am- but they are just fortunate enough their brain is protected, by a barrier and balanced. So they get to live in la la land where, the things that drive me mad- they don't even see it. And it doesn't effect them at all. They get to be totally fine. Going about life.\u00a0"}
149{"doxdata": "Otherwise, it's like standing out in the cold rain all the time. All, the time. And the only way to come inside, put on a warm blanket and melt into a warm bath- by a fire. The only way to feel okay, to feel safe. To feel normal. Is to take a drug that hurts me more than it helps me long term, and I can't function on.\u00a0"}
150{"doxdata": "it\u2019s like there was a giant tornado coming for me and the sky was pitch black with just this massive fucking grey cylinder \u00a0about to engulf everything\u00a0"}
151{"doxdata": "And then the next minutes I\u2019m like, \u201chey, it\u2019s a nice day out. :)\u201d\u00a0"}
152{"doxdata": "Everyone else is like, having a great time shopping or whatever, and I'm just like can I please go home... and being around people is exhausting even at my parents house like, with lots of family around, I just want to go home and by be myself because I want to lay down.\u00a0"}
153{"doxdata": "Floppy. Like my grip is kind of weak and I just can't like.. even driving is like hard. And I thought I was just being spoiled by being like, \"I need a driver\" but seriously I just can't pay attention everything is a blur and I feel so... fucking tired I just.. idk.\u00a0"}
154{"doxdata": "so I thought I could just go off the meds and be fine as long as I avoided triggers but now I understand that this is a symptom of withdrawal not a result of any trigger and will happen invetibly from quitting lexapro cold turkey.\u00a0"}
155{"doxdata": "the song about American pie where it\u2019s like bye bye miss American pie put the chevy to the levvy but the levy was dry and singing good ol bous drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die!\u00a0"}
156{"doxdata": "And the Voters, we feel so bold, and noble for having made a choice. But they have no idea, that choice was already made for us. And we will never be able to better this kind of system, because it is negative feedback, it never ceases getting worse. It is not capable, of shifting gears, and suddenly defying the laws of physics, flowing river downstream to upstream. Against the natural current."}
157{"doxdata": "Norvina did a palette with ABH (The Norvina Palette) That had immense success. (Norvina is daughter of the Anastasia Beverly Hills CEO)\u00a0"}
158{"doxdata": "So because of being rouge I'm able to participate in the 20% sale they have going on, which ends soon, on August 27th.\u00a0"}
159{"doxdata": "So because of being rouge I'm able to participate in the 20% sale they have going on, which ends soon, on August 27th.\u00a0"}
160{"doxdata": "I had been to the hospital six times in one year because, I get ill really easily. A normal cold, has me bedridden two weeks, and then developing bronchitis. My body hurt all the time, when I was that thin. I used caffeine to compensate for the fatigue, and depression. But I grew up crying myself to sleep, and writing sad music, wanting to off myself. The suicidality and panic attacks together culminated to create havoc in my life, and to top it off, also a bit of dissociation in the mix. Why not right? Between these things I was fairly debilitated but, I tried my best just to keep the illusion things were okay. On the outside. And white knuckled through life. I was too stressed to just relax, i couldn\u2019t do that. Which is why I type so incessantly, here on the forums and, do lots of shit to keep my hands and eyes busy. Busy busy busy, I was always busy. I couldn\u2019t sit and watch a movie for ten minutes, I was too anxious to just have a conversation. I couldn\u2019t relax and be at east enough to smile, and enjoy an evening over a meal.\u00a0"}
161{"doxdata": "\u00a0Remember that time I thought I was going to get this for free with my 1,000 rouge benefit reward points at sephora?\u00a0"}
162{"doxdata": "They were about to close on a house, and I thought it would just be a one week stay- but then someone out bid them at the last second and they got fuckt. Had to scramble for a new place. And then the hurricane was coming and that prolonged things *significantly* but yeah.\u00a0"}
163{"doxdata": "https://magnolia.com/"}
164{"doxdata": "you know that section in target, actually youre not american. lol..."}
165{"doxdata": "its a whole section by magnolia home the brand... and everything they make is, farm house chic. which is essentially what this style is i have going here.\u00a0"}
166{"doxdata": "you can't pretend to be okay, or hide the fact you have these diagnoses. it's not just dormant. it reeks havoc on your life and on your emotionally to an extent that it's beyond exhausting.\u00a0"}
167{"doxdata": "And I also used to have a neighbor who had bipolar, and he would have screaming fits the entire neighborhood could hear. Which, we believe was more induced by drugs and the combination of his disorder, not just the disorder alone. But he would say he was going to kill everyone and himself usually. Just over and over again. And the police would be called because he had a knife pointed at people, it was just a mess.\u00a0"}
168{"doxdata": "There was a lot of impulsive decision making with her too like, not just to go out and party but, also things like, \"lets take a trip to Manhattan.\" \"lets go to Mexico\" \"lets move in together.\" and like rapidly changing her career, or impulsively signing the lease to somewhere, or buying a car. Things like that. And I'm like you did WHAT>?? lol or like impulsively changing her hair a lot.... I'm like... babe I just like your hair the way it is. But she was like one day frosted blonde tips, another day, \"I wanna cut all of it off.\" another day.... \"I want blue hair!\"\u00a0"}
169{"doxdata": "lol and just a lot of energy like... \"lets go to the beach for three days and then go on a cruise and lets eat cheese and drink wine and then go on a roller coaster at Disney and then go to NASA and then go night clubbing and drink more and then lets go to my hot tub and then lets go to a concert and then mcdonalds and then back to the beach\"\u00a0"}
170{"doxdata": "she also would do things like, get her nails done and then take them off right after they were done. Paying 50 dollars. Or like, impulsively book a concert for 300 dollars for both of us without even asking me if I had plans.\u00a0"}
171{"doxdata": "As far as showers, I would have to say, the shower at the Palazzo in Vegas was the best shower experience I've had, and Pellican Hill in California- 10/10. They even give you tea tree as your shampoo, conditioner which is *really* good for the skin and scalp, it's like the number one best shampoo you can use in my opinion, next to Briogeo. I would use both honestly, the tea tree for the scalp and Briogeo for the hair itself. Just because Briogeo makes the hair *look* and *feel* better than any shampoo I've tried in the world. I'm not joking, it's literally miraculous what a remarkable difference tehre is between using that shampoo and anything else. It like, styles it for you. Somehow. And you \"wake up\" looking like your hair is already done all you have to do is brush it and it looks almost good as if someone had just styled it professionally. So you look presentable without having to do any work or put any heat on your hair... or waste time/energy doing it. It's worth it.\u00a0"}
172{"doxdata": "The Wynn in Las Vegas has the best towels. Softest, and the smell good.\u00a0"}
173{"doxdata": "The best water I've ever had is Fiji, which is annoying because their shit comes in plastic and I prefer the glass water bottles. Plastic is dumb and we need to stop using it so much. Nothing pulls smoother than Fiji though, and has a more pure taste. It just is what it is. Voss and smart water are a close second though.\u00a0"}
174{"doxdata": "who is cypress, is it Delora? Br?\u00a0"}
175{"doxdata": "Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Pomade in Ebony\u00a0"}
176{"doxdata": "Some Kylie Single Matte Shadows, i believe if i had to guess this is jasper and topaz, but i'm not certain.\u00a0"}
177{"doxdata": "cheekleaders palettes from benefit using the Sephora sale rouge benefits\u00a0"}
178{"doxdata": "more missguided clothes coming soon O.o this time it's a jordan lipscombe collection. we'll see if i like anything from the collection when it drops... whenever taht will be. so far from the tease video i'm not seeing anything i absolutely *have to have* but i mean, i like the whole orange vibe she has going, it really suits her. that's kind of her thing i've noticed. orange.\u00a0"}
179{"doxdata": "like they are great for hiking and doing stuff with\u00a0"}
180{"doxdata": "who robs stores and tips over babies just as a distraction so I can steal slurpees from 7-11 for me fellow gang member friends\u00a0"}
181{"doxdata": "i'm in the mood for a frozen lemonade or something\u00a0"}
182{"doxdata": "am i crazy or does ice cream and lemonade sound kind of amazing together?\u00a0"}
183{"doxdata": "lemonade ice cream?\u00a0"}
184{"doxdata": "The yellow/gold one is my favorite and smells very vanilla, very warm, reminds me of shea butter or coacoa butter lotion, kind of almond... but it's fresh and light like a flower would be, not heavy at all in the way that a lot of \"vanilla\" perfumes are, where they're sickening, over powering, or just heavy heavy on the \"sugary\" or \"vanilla\" aspects. It's a very light wafting of vanilla through the air like, a distant ice cream or fudge shop might smell. Reminds of the waffle cone part of the ice cream cone as well...mmmm So delicious.\u00a0"}
185{"doxdata": "i like the pink look she does at the end. she uses a ciate london glitter flip liner for that glittery line on her crease which i love\u00a0"}
186{"doxdata": "-urban decay \u201cnaked\u201d series\u00a0"}
187{"doxdata": "The jordan lipscombe x missguided collection dropped this week but there wasn't anything in it that i felt i absolutely had to have.\u00a0"}
188{"doxdata": "Like the beauty bakerie setting powder is fucking beautiful but it sets like fucking CONCRETE i\u2019m not kidding so it turns your eyes into the Sahara desert. It looks absolutely beautiful on POC though the warmer shades but the Caucasian ass shades are literally, Casper the friendly ghost- ass, concrete poured under my eye and then baked in the sun for 700 years, dried to a crisp.\u00a0"}
189{"doxdata": "Like my sophomore year of college I read the story called Johnny panic and the bible of dreams repeatedly. I was so obsessed with it... it was weird. I would like take it everywhere with me too when I traveled around Europe and Mexico.\u00a0"}
190{"doxdata": "https://aquis.com/products/aquisxpoosh-rapid-dry-lisse-hair-turban-leopard-print"}
191{"doxdata": "-and the CIATE London eye liner looks BOMB but we\u2019ll see :P\u00a0"}
192{"doxdata": "I just wanted to share this video because her curler she uses is pink and it's wider, so the waves turned out cuter in my opinion. This is the curler I would buy, just an FYI. And, her hair looks better than the other girls :P as far as replicating the \"wavy\" kim k look.\u00a0"}
193{"doxdata": "She also did the waves at the end of her video, she managed to make hers more flat like Amy was talking about wanting.\u00a0"}
194{"doxdata": "makeup forever was the first foundation i bought that wasn't drug store. i went into that boujee ass sephora in angelopolis, a fancy ass mall in puebla mexico. and all I said was \"match me\" to the employee. at the time i didn't even know what a sephora *was* like, i didn't even look up at the sign ontop of the store that said sephora cuz it was so tall i didnt notice it. all the times of going to the mall i never noticed the name.\u00a0"}
195{"doxdata": "and then i went to the mall to find victorias secret cuz i wanted perfume and then i found the sephora next to it and i was like \"oh here it is lol\"\u00a0"}
196{"doxdata": "So Milk\u2019s gained popularity because honestly I don\u2019t think CoverFX was prepared to BLOW UP like that. They became a holy grail in seconds and the beauty industry is so on fire, it\u2019s a lot to handle when the heat comes your way. Production wise.\u00a0"}
197{"doxdata": "but if you like that \u201cmessy wet\u201d grungy,,,.. patchy raccoon look (some people really do) it\u2019s very goth which, obviously the line is catering toward that like goth glam lady Gaga look so... if you *really wanted* that, you will get this with this line but\u00a0"}
198{"doxdata": "i\u2019m Just like... meh. Lotta money to spend on play fun makeup you\u2019d wear once to a Gaga concert haha\u00a0"}
199{"doxdata": "I recommend the makeup revolution foundation and concealer, and large chocolate palettes- and take me back to Brazil by bh cosmetics palette. the nyx brow products, and the Ardell and the Kiss lashes.\u00a0"}
200{"doxdata": "makeup pet peeves and cringes:\u00a0"}
201{"doxdata": "just research the decrease of tillable soil, and the shifting of the oceans tidal patterns.\u00a0"}
202{"doxdata": "Holy shit every time i want to post an image I have to go through like applying for citizenship to Switzerland and on mobile or ipad its like trying to diffuse a bomb\u00a0"}
203{"doxdata": "The two glitter shades really aren't like \"the bees knees\" and not the draw of the palette for me, or anyone it seems like. If you want a really powerful glitter topper I recommend using Stila's liquid glitters, urban decay has some, makeup revolution, Pixi, huda beauty. But yeah if you want something more subtle these glitters are for that, even with a spritz of morphe setting spray to take them up a notch. but for like really POPPING glitter, you're gonna need to grab a liquid is my recommendation, everything else is just subpar and frustrating honestly hahah just my opinion. When I see people try to use glitters on their own I'm like girl, just lay down a Stila first or something. So much easier!\u00a0"}
204{"doxdata": "Fake your own death in some violent gang shooting overdose"}
205{"doxdata": "lil peep went out Micheal Jackson style while xxxtentacion's definitely seemed more staged. who just gets shot in Miami in a vehicle in broad daylight, while it's parked on the side of the street in a busy city area. come on now. yes there is gang violence in Miami but, it aint like that. it's not even like that in Mexico.\u00a0"}
206{"doxdata": "another example of this same set up is Katy Perry, who is actually a direct descendant of Charles schwab. Essentially, Lana del Rey and Katy Perry are the equivalent of, Paris Hilton. when it comes to, financial opportunity and connections.\u00a0"}
207{"doxdata": "the \"I don't want money, fame. I'm not materialistic, fuck the system, I don't care about anything\" rock and roller who is emo and depressed and writes controversial songs. rises to fame, and then does a bunch of concerts, gets inducted into the rock n' roll Hall of fame, gets some grammy's and calls it a night walking away with 57 billion dollars and some platinum records to hang on the wall.\u00a0"}
208{"doxdata": "and Courtney love is living out in Hollywood, she has all this unexplained millions and she's like \"oh I took it from Frances she loaned me it\"\u00a0"}
209{"doxdata": "(money that was left to Frances by her dad or whatever??)\u00a0"}
210{"doxdata": "but the truth is, Frances never had it. Kurt Cobain probably gave it to her because he didn't want the fucking money.\u00a0"}
211{"doxdata": "but no honey, it's A FAKE POLICE REPORT\u00a0"}
212{"doxdata": "Kurt Cobain didn't blow his head off, he just went to Switzerland.\u00a0"}
213{"doxdata": "another example of old money and political connections equaling fame is cara de Lavigne. she's connected af in England and that's why she won ATM (which is all orchestrated and produced by the way other models have come out and spoken about it lol)\u00a0"}
214{"doxdata": "an example of this is like, usher. if you watch the Shane Dawson series (the first one) on jeffree star, he goes into detail about the falling out that happened with usher and him, and details about usher's life which, weren't really *that* in the public eye and still aren't talked about.\u00a0"}
215{"doxdata": "the kid was smart, a complete psycho but, smart. lol (Shane Dawson exposes the truths about team 10 on his series on the Paul guy)\u00a0"}
216{"doxdata": "a lot of yuoutubers have the same management team, and even live in the same building out in California...\u00a0"}
217{"doxdata": "I need advice. IDK how to do my brows. I've tried a few times with and angled brow brush and Anastasia Beverly Hills brow powder duo , but the one I have is too dark and they just do not look good. What is a good beginner brow product I should try since I have zero skill?"}
218{"doxdata": "Most bras and underwear have a lot of \"movement\" to them but these look like hey like adhere on and stick in place like I said, bullet proof. And then the tops are like designed to be all bomb-shell and Victoria's Secret but like, nobody wants that anymore!\u00a0"}
219{"doxdata": "I'm not the curviest person but I'm not a pencil, and I have a peach. That is my biggest struggle in buying underwear. I go to target and Victoria's Secret or look at Fenty and Calvin Klein and I'm like, \"not on my thick ass\"\u00a0"}
220{"doxdata": "I was just casually watching this while making my coffee this morning like... I always click on her videos, I love her instagram. She's like one my fave you tubers. I really thought she has it all like, her life seems so perfect to me like a dream life so\u00a0"}
221{"doxdata": "impulse buy nice shit like angel or miss dior...FUCKING KIM K?? not as bad as paris hilton but still..."}
222{"doxdata": "the only miss for me was the final product the lip gloss. From iconic London, it has a plumping minty taste/feel going on so it\u2019s tingly and smells like mint. I prefer sweet ones. But yeah the plumping reallt did plump my lips a bit so it really does work and the formula isn\u2019t terribly sticky it was very even and glossy without being goopy or tacky and it was nice and subtle nude shade, more on the transparent side tho. But the formula was thick... which I don\u2019t like. And.. when it gets in your mouth you swallow it and it gets stuck in the back of your throat and the mint started making my throat feel like it was swelling up or something or itchy and tingly I don\u2019t know. So for that reason I don\u2019t like it because I don\u2019t like what happens when it travels to the back of your throat which, it inevitably will. And it also tastes bad and is thick and gross in your mouth.\u00a0"}
223{"doxdata": "and I\u2019m glad I had the space and time in Chicago to really think about it before I could react\u00a0"}
224{"doxdata": "todwh I went to church with my Chicago fam and we talked about what were we afraid of... what were we willing to die for...\u00a0"}
225{"doxdata": "and it has like rain storm sounds and then beach sounds.\u00a0"}
226{"doxdata": "it's called the \"elementals\" pack or whatever and then the tracks are rolling thunder and island wavescape. AWESOME stuff.\u00a0"}
227{"doxdata": "my therapist has something similar to island wavescape playing in her office during our therapy sessions and in the lobby and it helps so much. she has such a \"clean\" minimalist space and it's so like \"zen\" and clear and just awesome to walk into. i imeediately feel more at peace and relaxed and stuff. less scattered etc.\u00a0"}
228{"doxdata": "and the waves help so much when talking tthrough difficult stuff to reduce the anxiety down or not dissociate etc. it's a constant reminder like, \"hey, remember the waves.\"\u00a0"}
229{"doxdata": "but yeah, also my go to grounding exercise, involves like waves and water so, that's just my favorite go to sound so, when i walked into her office and heard the sound i've been using to self soothe in my head as a coping mechanism for years- playing out loud all around me it almost like made me cry i was like \"i'm in the right place.\"\u00a0"}
230{"doxdata": "Eyes on the driver"}
231{"doxdata": "it smells so good, just like, milk and ice cream and baby powder/johnsons baby oil kind of smell"}
232{"doxdata": "I haven't tried her other products yet but I certainly will in the future. zoella.... good shit. she's a YouTuber/blogger from the UK btw. started her own brand. it's cute af.\u00a0"}
233{"doxdata": "I can't describe it, it's like having sex with an ice cream cone idk\u00a0"}
234{"doxdata": "How to fix depression:Step 1: Eat a whole food plant based diet. Science has discovered inflammation is one of the leading causes of depression. Plant based (whole food plant based) reduces the most amount of inflammation, while diets including meat/dairy/egg increases inflammation through several factors. You will also get the benefit of having the only diet PROVEN to reduce and prevent heart disease as well as reducing your risks of cancer, diabetes, hypertension, Alzheimer's, MS, IBS among others. Step 2: Meditation. In 2016 and in part 2015, neuroscientists learned that meditation (and mindfulness) are as effective, in most cases more effective, then taking medication. Medication will get rid of your symptoms (Sometimes) where as meditation will cure it. Meditation allows you to control your brain waves, bringing most depressed people (who usually exhibit exclusively beta brain waves) into a more controlled state of mind. Allowing the person to almost immediately create alpha wave lengths which are associated with calmness, happiness etc. Beta wavelengths are associated with running thoughts/uncontrollable thoughts, anxiety and guess what, depression. By constantly being depressed your brain creates a \"habit\" of jumping to depressed feelings and creating neuropath ways that allow the depressed emotion to activate easily. Meditation allows you to break these habits and create new neuro pathways. Chemical imbalances are not really that \"real\", and are usually a result of inflammation or an imbalance that occurred after taking medication. I was a long time sufferer of depression. I jumped to these two things out of a last resort. I came off the meds and haven't been depressed in a very long time. The science in the last couple years only confirmed the methods that worked for me.\""}
235{"doxdata": "lol side note I think its funny in this video above she's like complaining about the fires in California and is like sitting in her mansion raking in millions filming herself putting on makeup in her like 80 dollar top wearing real diamonds\u00a0"}
236{"doxdata": "i love this video, it's very LA... if you love California like I do you'll love this video <3\u00a0"}
237{"doxdata": "miss you california everyday\u00a0"}
238{"doxdata": "i dance around to this song like micheal jackson and i have no regrets\u00a0"}
239{"doxdata": "that are actually snow proof \ud83d\udda4\u00a0"}
240{"doxdata": "I would love to link the last store I went to called enchantments in Glen Ellen Chicago\u00a0"}
241{"doxdata": "https://www.revolve.com/content/s/ct?type=ps&url=%2Fbb-dakota-jack-by-bb-dakota-shear-factor-faux-fur-coat%2Fdp%2FBBDA-WO803%2F%3Fd%3DWomens%26srcType%3Dhp_recs_bs"}
242{"doxdata": "https://www.revolve.com/content/s/ct?type=ps&url=%2Fgrlfrnd-dakota-midi-dress%2Fdp%2FGRLR-WD36%2F%3Fd%3DWomens%26srcType%3Dhp_recs_bs"}
243{"doxdata": "https://www.goodamerican.com/products/the-twilight-sequin-dress-black001"}
244{"doxdata": "https://www.goodamerican.com/products/the-satin-pjs-cheetah001"}
245{"doxdata": "https://www.goodamerican.com/products/the-velvet-pjs-black001"}
246{"doxdata": "https://www.goodamerican.com/products/the-satin-pjs-red002"}
247{"doxdata": "https://www.goodamerican.com/blogs/good-times/silk-beauty-sleep-collection-slip-has-completely-changed-us"}
248{"doxdata": "https://foursixty.com/good-american/180579459/"}
249{"doxdata": "These simple balls, sold exclusively in NYC at School For The Dogs, have taken our students by storm recently. Developed by a client who was seeking a non-toxic toy for her two Shih Tzus, they contain two squeakers apiece and otherwise are made entirely of... lots of stuff that will make you feel good about your place in the world: chemical-free wool, sourced from ethically raised American lambs who are raised without hormones or antibiotics, and are humanely sheared. Lucky sheep! And lucky dogs, too. The balls, which are named after the Japanese ice cream balls they resemble, are hand-crafted and hand-dyed -- the yellow ones with turmeric and the pink ones with beet.\u00a0"}
250{"doxdata": "I can't decide if I want another shiba inu, a Maltese, a semoyed, a French or English bull dog, sharpei, a Boston terrier, a pug, an Australian shepherd, a Pomeranian, or a chow chow\u00a0"}
251{"doxdata": "from new castle Scotland and northern England\u00a0"}
252{"doxdata": "So this morning before work I filmed them for a bit and was going to upload it today..."}
253{"doxdata": "also random Chicago vlog in the middle there lol\u00a0"}
254{"doxdata": "I feel like i was really just meant to be in his life at this time because funny enough, he was going to leave rehab with a friend and i told him no. I would pick him up when i got back from Chicago. And i literally saved his life by doing that, his friend that left rehab he was intending to leave with, got in a deadly car accident. Didn\u2019t even make it home dude.\u00a0"}
255{"doxdata": "How crazy is that. But yeah the whole thing is amazing what I managed to pull off for him. I had to pull some major strings to pull this shit off for him, and I put my own ass on the line, but I remained patient and calm with the process and was understanding cuz dude, I\u2019ve been there. I know all this shit like the back of my hand.\u00a0"}
256{"doxdata": "So I\u2019ve been a sociopath literally foreveeerrrrr *insert my valley girl impression* but I only recently found out about forums for us. So, here I am, cold and emotionless, wondering if any other sociopaths have ever been able to fall in love? I fell in love once. Now I can\u2019t stop dreaming of his death. Anyone else?\u00a0"}
257{"doxdata": " in the pits of the desert "}
258{"doxdata": "1.2) uhhh go to Jamaica! or something idc we could just chilz in my backyard and smoke a blunt\u00a0"}
259{"doxdata": "stage an intervention in the morning and declare I need rehab and then decorate the Christmas tree and have hot chocolate in the evening??\u00a0"}
260{"doxdata": "I\u2019m not at a crisis point in the way I was a long time ago or rock bottom or anything but I could still be at a turning point in the life in other ways I guess\u00a0"}
261{"doxdata": "mid this info isn\u2019t available then mentions of places like grocery stores hair salons they frequently visited events they attended etc any information like that helps narrow down things\u00a0"}
262{"doxdata": "I think \u00a0you would like this video, she shows the inside of Shibuya 109, a ritzy shopping mall in Japan.\u00a0"}
263{"doxdata": "she also did a thrifting video while in Japan you may also really like\u00a0"}
264{"doxdata": "side note, if you order anything from these stores online keep in mind everything is entirely too small that is made in Japan. this isn't an issue for me because I am very small around, like I have no hips and a very tiny rib cage/waist area, skinny ass legs, and no chest.\u00a0"}
265{"doxdata": "and then the shoes are incredibly small in women's, it's not a problem for me because I actually have US size 5 feet XD so everything fits fine but... yeah if you are like a US size 8 and up, you won't find anything that fits you in a Japanese shoe XD but in the mens you can"}
266{"doxdata": "this is one of my favorite stores from Mexico and it looks like they finally are shipping to the US now, for years they didn't and I was so sad.\u00a0"}
267{"doxdata": "if you're ever in Mexico lol\u00a0"}
268{"doxdata": "https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g152773-d3972128-Reviews-Centro_Comercial_Angelopolis-Puebla_Central_Mexico_and_Gulf_Coast.html"}
269{"doxdata": "so my pool is normally heated but right now it's not and it's literally November and I need to swim so excuse me, I'm calling corporate right now and the police.\u00a0"}
270{"doxdata": "I'm traumatized also from getting in cold water just assuming it would be lovely heavenly bath water\u00a0"}
271{"doxdata": "so yeah i was like trying to *not* think about that, and so i just stared at my phone at youtube videos and tried something calming.... they started talking about a trigger and I\u2019m like nOPE and then i started watching videos by Jordan lipscombe and for whatever reason that grounded me\u00a0"}
272{"doxdata": "and I hope someone sees to it personally that changes are made in this area of police work...\u00a0"}
273{"doxdata": "I think she knew something and someone wanted information from her, poured water on her or something to mess up her hair (a few drips from the cieling isn\u2019t enough to get the full head of hair frizzed up, and cold weather straightens hair further btw)\u00a0"}
274{"doxdata": "You don\u2019t just hide phones from the police like this unless you are guilty.\u00a0"}
275{"doxdata": "he\u2019s a smart man, there is no benefit to doing this related to a murder unless it\u2019s related to a conspiracy against the hotel or the staff or something going on in that hotel\u00a0"}
276{"doxdata": "it reminds me of American apparel which, used to be sooo popular back in the day. no one probably knows what I'm talking abut but\u00a0"}
277{"doxdata": "I remember in California they had this stand alone store and I like adored it so much, it had the most beautiful location too. like it was up on a cliff over looking the water, just this big white building. very modern and cool.\u00a0"}
278{"doxdata": "unfortunately I revisited that location one day and the store was gone, and American apparel seems to have really gone down hill since then.\u00a0"}
279{"doxdata": "the other issue with American apparel is that it really only looked good on skinny people and they only marketed their brand using very tiny anorexic instagram models\u00a0"}
280{"doxdata": "this skirt, I found in a try on haul from a girl who looks healthy and isn't anorexic, and it appears to have a lot of stretch to it so it's like a better version of American apparel.\u00a0"}
281{"doxdata": "American apparel clothing were very fitted and structured and had zero give.\u00a0"}
282{"doxdata": "There also is a well known use of sushi Matts at home in Japan for cooking and preparing meals.\u00a0"}
283{"doxdata": "Sodastream Canada posted this as an April's fool joke."}
284{"doxdata": "Wow England is so much better than America\u00a0"}
285{"doxdata": "its immoral because for child rapists its a gateway into their eventual crimes, where they often rape and murder children, only after collecting and watching 100's of hours of footage of child pornography...\u00a0"}
286{"doxdata": "its immoral because for child rapists its a gateway into their eventual crimes, where they often rape and murder children, only after collecting and watching 100's of hours of footage of child pornography...\u00a0"}
287{"doxdata": "And by the gateway logic, we should ban gore and movies\u00a0with murder because it might incite people to murder, movies with bank robberies etc."}
288{"doxdata": "The deep emotional and neurological issues associated with child pedophilia as well is more compelling and what draws the people to the pornogrpahy in the first place and then eventually to the child abducting. The murder isn't often for gratification but just an attempt to tie up loose ends. Or they will just keep the child as long as they can chained somewhere underground usually. Sometimes impregenating them into their teens repeadetely.\u00a0"}
289{"doxdata": "these are all exact quotes from our iconic and beloved drug dealer and friend, East Ander, Latin king gang member. (Aka, he\u2019s affiliated as fuck bro)\u00a0"}
290{"doxdata": "The mining already started a long time ago, that's what the severs in Utah are for. And they say it's to stop terrorism, but the FBI watch list includes communists and anti-war protestors as terrorists against the state now ("}
291{"doxdata": "). We are living in the biggest surveillance state the world has ever seen, we were even phone tapping Angela Merkel and listening in on her, and Germany is one of our espionage allies."}
292{"doxdata": "took a nice bubble bath and did skin care session and had some English tea (because it\u2019s fucking cold here)\u00a0"}
293{"doxdata": "get in with my driver and get tea\u00a0"}
294{"doxdata": "almost caved the other day I bought it and everything and then I was driving home one day and randomly at a stop light I just grabbed it and threw it out the window and drove away \ud83d\ude02\u00a0"}
295{"doxdata": "day 2 in Chicago.\u00a0"}
296{"doxdata": "uhhh there is falling ice off the sky scrapers it\u2019s kind of cool but the city stinks somehow like literally the worst smelling place I\u2019ve ever smelled other than maybe the subway underground in San Francisco was pretty nasty too\u00a0"}
297{"doxdata": "it\u2019s frigid cold but not negative 13 so it\u2019s ok\u00a0"}
298{"doxdata": "Just had a Chicago brat? Lol like it\u2019s a hot dog apparently... very good\u00a0"}
299{"doxdata": "Yep. Chicago.. it\u2019s so quiet and like calm here compared to my home city people here are so docile and kind...\u00a0"}
300{"doxdata": "some reviews from the american public.... seems to be well recieved alreadyyy :3\u00a0"}
301{"doxdata": "it is also simultaneously, jostling up everything, like sand in a jar of water, and then allowing it to re-settle in a more precise and organized location- that a professional can guide... this is helpful for a number of reasons and is just part of the therapeutic process of treating ptsd\u00a0"}
302{"doxdata": "http://dev.coastalcarolinaarea.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/b_t.pdf\u00a0"}
303{"doxdata": "https://www.amazon.com/Hardwiring-Happiness-Science-Contentment-Confidence/dp/0385347332/ref=asc_df_0385347332/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312031138203&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=297116625515324055&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011791&hvtargid=pla-519054361637&psc=1\u00a0"}
304{"doxdata": "They do hire \"randoms\" *sometimes* they do casting calls, like on the streets of New Orleans they opened up casting once to \"everyone\" and anyone off the street could come to this location, and audition. Sometimes Universities with student films will do this too.\u00a0"}
305{"doxdata": "once, my parents picked up an anonymous call, and it was scammers trying to threaten them with their childrens lives if they didn't fork over 50grand. Yeah, that actually happened. The police were called, it was a big ordeal. Trust few, especially those trying to offer you something.\u00a0"}
306{"doxdata": "woman:\u00a0i have a high paying job in new york city that i love and christmas isn\u2019t that important to me"}
307{"doxdata": "man:\u00a0i harvest maple syrup for a living and make 2 dollars a year"}
308{"doxdata": "man:\u00a0will you harvest maple syrup with me\u2026"}
309{"doxdata": "woman:\u00a0i\u2019ve decided i hate my job and i\u2019m going to resign myself to making christmas tree ornaments in fuckberg for the rest of my life"}
310{"doxdata": "but i'm curious what happens after that point like, there's drowning under a cage or being forcibly held, there's being buried by 12 feet of dirt, and there's roaches, trapped in boxes. apparently there's hallucinogenic \"mk ultra\" brain washing type stuff- mind altering experiences, tooth extractions, and being administered medication forcibly that, alters your experience... there is fasting and sleep deprivation involved, and of course- lots, and lots- of mind games. and of course lots of duct tape, bleeding, punching, slapping, cold water, screaming, possible bone breaking, being thrown around. I see them wearing headphones or ear plugs at some points, and goggles to distort your vision, or blinders. Lots of fake blood, glitter or spray paint. Lots of \"hooking\" the mouth, force feeding. Vomiting. Electrocution, looks like a taser. Mentions of pepper spray but I've never seen it but, wouldn't be surprised.\u00a0"}
311{"doxdata": "The chain thing was interesting. I've had chains before but never 100 pounds, the most i've lifted at one time was 130 just working out. and i can easily pull 40 or 50 no problem. i've had training pulling that kind of weight while swimming 30 yards holding my breath, on my back. so.... that's not too bad. and running with 50 pounds. my parents also made me run with bricks back and forth doing suicides.\u00a0"}
312{"doxdata": "alligators, now that's more intimidating but. i've held some small ones before idk.\u00a0"}
313{"doxdata": "right along with the vomit hot sauce and maggots. hose me down put me in an ice bath. drown me. punch me in the face tase me in the stomach lmfao\u00a0"}
314{"doxdata": "i also love using tea tree oil shampoo right on the scalp and really massaging it, it gets your scalp like super super clean.\u00a0"}
315{"doxdata": "including extreme temperatures, self injury, burns. i can just ignore it.\u00a0"}
316{"doxdata": "but it everything feels cold and wet, and light like water\u00a0"}
317{"doxdata": "the ground turning to ice and you feel like your feet are moving when they hit the ground\u00a0"}
318{"doxdata": "and it also feels cold like ice and slushy like this when you touch things like, even your shirt\u00a0"}
319{"doxdata": "like this river here, when in reality its just a road\u00a0"}
320{"doxdata": "(they were so intense people will leave the island halfway through and, it's like, you gotta sign forms like this thing because if anything happens to you they're not liable)\u00a0"}
321{"doxdata": "and yes, it was on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean with wild animals, we had to fend for ourselves cook our own food (without tools or means to cook it), find our own food, and we had nothing but the clothes on our backs."}
322{"doxdata": "but it was so hot, and there were so much bugs... you had to sleep in something called \"sargasm\" right by the water, just to cool off a bit. but it wasn't pleasant, notonly is it riddled with bugs and strange squirming sea animals, not only is it 102 degrees, and you're getting eaten alive by mosquitos and the like 24/7 and you're dehydrated out there for days, delirous, starving, with real threats like, swimming with literal sharks, jelly fish, other poisonous things around. you had to be knowledgable about that shit, what not to touch, etc.\u00a0"}
323{"doxdata": "and you also had people drilling you the entire time, giving you intense tasks. in the heat of the day, waking you up at midnight, etc. you gotta drop what you're doing and do what they say. you can't question it. etc.\u00a0"}
324{"doxdata": "they would put fifty pounds on us and make us carry it on our hands or on our backs like a ruksack and run around the island in the beating sun and heat in the sand barefoot. you cut yourself a lot. running in sand is hard. there's twigs and shit this aint a pretty island, it's rustic, abandoned, buggy, stinky. there is *nothing* on it, and no help, no people can hear you. for like 200 miles lmfao\u00a0"}
325{"doxdata": "there is no escape either. once the boat drops you off, you have to wade into the island on foot with the sharks and shit, eels, stingrays, carrying gallons of water over your head\u00a0"}
326{"doxdata": "i rememer about halfway through, i was just so like, not giving a fuck. i laid down in the sand naked at night to cool off, and just laid there. feeling sick to my stomach, drenched in sweat and dirt. starving. thirsty. dizzy. knowing i had to get back up in the mornng and do it all over again.\u00a0"}
327{"doxdata": "This isn't like high tier trolling you dumb little girl. I'm rubbing your dumb empty head in your own pile of shit while you lap it up like ice cream."}
328{"doxdata": "can someone please tell me what artist this was, he was like known for the black and white dark chunky paintings like this. it was considered minimalist art, early 90's, he lived in new york and had an art studio there that was filled with these kind of paintings.\u00a0"}
329{"doxdata": "Hi my name is blanc and I'm a compulsive book-giver.\u00a0"}
330{"doxdata": "can someone please tell me what artist this was, he was like known for the black and white dark chunky paintings like this. it was considered minimalist art, early 90's, he lived in new york and had an art studio there that was filled with these kind of paintings.\u00a0"}
331{"doxdata": "mississippi\u00a0"}
332{"doxdata": "That's not the name I'm looking for he wasn't Japanese\u00a0"}
333{"doxdata": "no, that painting is by the japanese guy but\u00a0"}
334{"doxdata": "the artist i was thinking of was a diff artist who just did paintings very similar to the japaneses guy painting\u00a0"}
335{"doxdata": "Some said it was Greenland and some said Mexico"}
336{"doxdata": "everything is stuck inside me like heavy rocks and they're just frozen in time these memories are, into segments\u00a0"}
337{"doxdata": "i've been through so much \"abuse\" that I can't even remember it all, and my brain has had to protect me from it by dissociating my mind completely, walling it off, blacking it out, erasing my life, erasing me. my memory. and segmenting them into, moments frozen in time. that's all i'm left with anyway.\u00a0"}
338{"doxdata": "the first time, i remember i was laying in bed. i was living with my grandmother at this time. and, i guess she made a threat of violence, or, yelled. did something to make me feel, isolated, scared, unsafe. Vulnerable, trapped. Impending, abuse, control. Lack of trust. It came tumbling down on me like an ice berg one night, after whatever trigger it was, maybe a little tiff we got into. Though they were rare, because I did whatever it took to avoid conflict. She wasn't the kindest, she was.. a \"tough cookie\" as I like to call it. And also an alcoholic.\u00a0"}
339{"doxdata": "And turned on something in my computer trying to distract myself. Calming music, classical music. Everything felt so alarming, and overwhelming. And I began to heat up like an oven. I continued trying to breath and closing my eyes. I felt my forehead and my upper lip and realized I was completely wet with sweat, my body as well. And I sat up and turned the music off because it wasn't helping. Nothing would. I tried to think, what will work, what will work, what will work to make this stop. Stop hyperventilating. Just breathe.\u00a0"}
340{"doxdata": "I remembered opening a door in my mind, and walking inside of it and sitting down in the middle of a dark room with wooden floors, lit by a single candle in the center. It was cold but the candle had warmth so I sat by it. I was scared of what was behind me but something inside me told me not to look, not to worry about what was going around me and to just sit down, be quiet. I held my knees close to my chest and stared at this candle wishing to be warmer. And something told me to wait. As I sorted of wondered, \"Now how am I going to get out? How will I find the door?\" There was a notion of, \"not yet\"\u00a0"}
341{"doxdata": "and id drive to a secret spot that no one knew. an abandoned church, and playground, surrounded by a forest in the middle of no where mississippi (i'm talking rural ass, farm land, nothin but trees).\u00a0"}
342{"doxdata": "sometimes when i drove off, it was a happy endeavor and i treated myself to my favorite coffee and i would sing and laugh, and say \"FUCK YOU\" out loud to my parents, to my ex's. I was losing my mind but. Sometimes I would lose myself in it and just start screaming and hitting things. \"FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU\" and then amount to sobbing again.\u00a0"}
343{"doxdata": "sometimes it was quiet, and i'd just appreciate the rolling hills and then, the nothingness and the trees. and wonder about all the people who once had been here before in this abandoned place and what a happy place it must of been for those people who once were here, and i wondered if it was special to anyone in their childhood. and i reflected on mine. running through the trees, with my friend, barefoot. free.\u00a0"}
344{"doxdata": "like my body is just the epitome of disgusting I might as well feed myself to some alligators down in a sewer\u00a0"}
345{"doxdata": "Last night i dream i was in England with my mom and we had just arrived and were scheduled to meet some people at our hotel\u00a0"}
346{"doxdata": "we drove on this road that was barely a road and it kept getting smaller and smaller until there was just dirt and flowers and grass\u00a0"}
347{"doxdata": "and we\u2019re like joking around that this isn\u2019t even a road anymore and \u201cfuckign Europe\u201d you know \u201chaha god damn Europeans\u201d\u00a0"}
348{"doxdata": "and they were not American, this old woman looks at us and is like \u201cwhat are you doing here\u201d and then we were like \u201coh sorry wrong floor\u201d\u00a0"}
349{"doxdata": "i dreamt last night that i was in this class room and there was this creepy guy in the room that put up his phone and took a picture of a japanese girl in a school girl outfit, obviously because he thought she was hot and was planning on posting it on the internet\u00a0"}
350{"doxdata": "I dreamt last night I was in London\u00a0"}
351{"doxdata": "and He said from behind me, \u201chow\u2019d you end up in London?\u201d\u00a0"}
352{"doxdata": "he could tell the American accent. and probably the way I was dressed. I wasn\u2019t properly prepared for the cold\u00a0"}
353{"doxdata": "the iron windows had a view of the street outside I just came from. and I sat by the window in a chair looking out it at the icy wet London foggy winter weather with my hands in the pockets of my parka\u00a0"}
354{"doxdata": "food chain and ecosystem disturbance\u00a0"}
355{"doxdata": "And, here's the face palm moment. We are exactly where we left off essentially with my last therapist. Who I stopped seeing.\u00a0"}
356{"doxdata": "Reading about things that people have written about these topics, that have degrees in psychiatry, is helpful. To learn about the ins and outs of how it works, will help you solve it. And that's why I like to read on these topics.\u00a0"}
357{"doxdata": "Coffee scrubs and bubble baths are heaven for depression by the way. Also drink water. It\u2019s one of my fave things to do is just drink cold water. Voss, smart or Fiji. Or use Brita filter.\u00a0"}
358{"doxdata": "what the fuck is that? Lol i wanna go there lol where is this, it looks like Washington New York or San Francisco. Surely it\u2019s in California\u00a0"}
359{"doxdata": "Their office was very sooothing, the design of it was totally zen and \u201cclean\u201d you know and they had music going that I always listen to. The zen music, that\u2019s very meditative and then in the background the sound of waves or water trickling which is very helpful for my anxiety\u00a0"}
360{"doxdata": "it\u2019s rare to find someone who understands so to see it all in front of you like that I just started smiling and almost started crying I just never thought I would meet anyone who understands myself as much as I do. Why I like zen music playing at all times. Why I like beach noises. Why I like zen interior spaces.\u00a0"}
361{"doxdata": "and that helped significantly a long with the constant beach waves she has playing through out the entire session\u00a0"}
362{"doxdata": "it reaaaaaally helps me not dissociate or go into a panic attack. Because the beach is a place I use in my guided meditations and have been using for years now.\u00a0"}
363{"doxdata": "which from there, you could use to invest in a condo- in a high tourist area. costs maybe 2k a month but you're making 175-300 a night depending on how nice it is. or you could even get a home. homes on the beach or condos on the beach book out 24/7 through the whole year. you really will only make profit from this in the thousands.\u00a0"}
364{"doxdata": "happy mass genocide of native Americans day!\u00a0"}
365{"doxdata": ">Kanye west is right about us being the new slaves\u00a0"}
366{"doxdata": "Things have moved forward from this point, basically in short. The argument i had with my parents i mentioned in these notes- kicked up again, this morning when i woke up\u00a0"}
367{"doxdata": "But anyway, we tried to talk things out this morning a bit.. but... like I said, I really don\u2019t know if it will make a difference. They\u2019re too in the habit of shoving me around.\u00a0"}
368{"doxdata": "I mentioned to my grandmother tonight while I was at my nephews house, we were all playing with him and what not. But i had a break where it was just me and her on the couch and he was in the other room. And she brought up what we had been talking about earlier this morning with my parents- she heard the whole thing.\u00a0"}
369{"doxdata": "without me, waking up this morning and intervening in the arguments- it was just another mindless fight going in circles until i brought order to the chaos. Without me they\u2019re hopeless to do nothing but chase their own tails. Ignorance isn\u2019t bliss folks."}
370{"doxdata": "Mental illness can be so incredibly deceptive in that way, because it truly makes you believe there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I didn\u2019t believe there was either until I started to research and understand the cold hard scientific truth behind it- which is that it is possible and there are so many treatments available\u00a0"}
371{"doxdata": "i also told her about the thing that happened when i was four, with the whole living in Utah in a home for chilren thing? and being picked up by strange men.\u00a0"}
372{"doxdata": "or being on a bus and not knowing where i'm going exactly"}
373{"doxdata": "and she started runnkng around around the house and slamming doors alllllll the doors alll the cabinets and making a frenzied fuss screaming at the dogs and then she left and drove off angrily and hit things with her Mercedes\u00a0"}
374{"doxdata": "-the time he choked me in Italy in the bathroom\u00a0"}
375{"doxdata": "-the time he slammed my head into a window leaving... some rural unknown place in Italy\u00a0"}
376{"doxdata": "Obviously there are varying degrees of anxiety and dissociation one can experience, and I can't go over every detailed time I've had tinges of it or like more mild symptoms of it because this shit happens all the time. But I can go over the larger events that were most memorable and, in my opinion the more severe examples of dissociation that I've experienced.\u00a0"}
377{"doxdata": "and so i just used that method and tried really hard to stay focused on it. and then after a few minutes of working on that, i went and turned on the bath tub and put my face first into cold water\u00a0"}
378{"doxdata": "this is common to take place while going through the process of EMDR. Everything that had settled into the cracks and crevices, deep in there. Have now been jossled and jumbled and shaken like a jar full of sand and shells in water.\u00a0"}
379{"doxdata": "my mom just came back from Italy and got me summa dis\u00a0"}
380{"doxdata": "Soon enough the dust settles again, but this time it's put back decisively and dealt with properly with a professional. Brought to light like a resected tumor.\u00a0"}
381{"doxdata": "yeet it\u2019s Austrian crystal or something"}
382{"doxdata": "But falling asleep was a temporary solution, I woke up as if the panic that started in my mind that I thought I stepped away from, just continued worsening and spiraling while I slept. So when I woke up it was a full blown hurricane you know and I was like ah shit. I left this shit unattended. Like a fire on the stove or a pot that boiled over you forgot about.\u00a0"}
383{"doxdata": "Obviously there are varying degrees of anxiety and dissociation one can experience, and I can't go over every detailed time I've had tinges of it or like more mild symptoms of it because this shit happens all the time. But I can go over the larger events that were most memorable and, in my opinion the more severe examples of dissociation that I've experienced.\u00a0"}
384{"doxdata": "and then one day, after it took me through that lovely, slow introduction. chapter one began by hitting me right in the face with very violent dissociative panic attacks that were so severe, disorienting, and mind bending- and my mind went to such a horrible place during this, that it actually drove me to suicide in just minutes.\u00a0"}
385{"doxdata": "There are residential therapy programs in the United States I know of that offer alternative methods of treatment, medication free even- routes of treatment. That involve creative processes more than group therapy and mind numbing cry sessions with a therapist. The same thing doesn't work for everyone and there is no one size fits all in therapy. There is just the information and the methods and the tools out there to access and you can take whichever you chooose.\u00a0"}
386{"doxdata": "Whether it be a self help work book or, your favorite coping mechanism- taking walks, or journaling. Camping. Rock climbing. People do all sorts of stuff to sort through their shit. It's a healthy balance in my opinion to trade off and try lots of different things. And speckle in variation throughout your healing process over time.\u00a0"}
387{"doxdata": "-the year i lived in mississippi\u00a0"}
388{"doxdata": "-the summer i returned home from mississippi\u00a0"}
389{"doxdata": "i suppose i went through a lot around 22-23, and that just broke me down like. literally and i experienced a stripping of my entire grip on sanity, on reality, and everything i thought i knew and understood was just washed away by this nasty face of pure, emptiness, depression. and i saw rock bottoms that you don't come back from quite the same i suppose?\u00a0"}
390{"doxdata": "i take them as they come but there's a mix of bad and good days sprinkled around the swirling my mind does. i've felt this tornado for a long time of just, swirling around and not really being able to stop it or hold onto anything- of just emotion and thoughts and, identity, behavior. just, always, shifting around and around. changing, based on triggers and environment, or, internal triggers. things i'm processing or goign through, etc. but since i've been put on medication they've been able to \"slow\" the tornadic rush and circulating so,\u00a0"}
391{"doxdata": "anxiety dissociation etc. there was a lack of attention and focus and inability to relax or sleep an inability to remember anything. And justness I was generally over all the place like I mentioned being a tornado of thought and mood and that wasn\u2019t happening at an exceptionally high rate just spinning around and around like you can\u2019t fucking be simple and normal like that you\u2019re just all over the place\u00a0"}
392{"doxdata": "like a tree that grows all unkempt and they have to keep cutting it back every week\u00a0"}
393{"doxdata": "She had a hard time understanding the concept it seemed like, and she rephrased it back to me saying that in reference to the EMDR I was doing, I most likely had \"integration\" as a result of it, and that \"of course\" I had this inner and outer self going on, and a habit of doing it because, it was what I had to do to protect myself. It's only natural at that point to dissociate, because of what I went through. And she elaborated that, the trauma I've discussed with her thus far, she said is the equivalent for me- as the hurricane Dorian that just obliterated the bahamas. That's how, catastrophic, this trauma was. She kept describing it, she kept saying, \"You've had, very, very severe, trauma. Daily, for a very, long time. Day in, and day out. Repeated, trauma at a very high, high level. What you went through was cataclismic. It affected everything.\"\u00a0"}
394{"doxdata": "And I just kind of said, \"yeah.\" But I knew what she meant. Images ran through my mind of the months I spent in bed, and the videos I posted of Krystyna Yang experiencing PTSD symptoms and... it all started to come together. Though it's obvious, my symptoms and what they are related to, it just made it more concrete. The, high levels of anxiety I get just having a conversation. The aloofness I have all the time in social settings. The inability to concentrate. The depression, the time I went through feelings of, wanting to run away. Times I wanted to kill myself and wound up in a mental hospital, laying on the floor just, wishing I could be dead. All the shit I've gone through in the past few years just ran together in my mind like a river of water color paints and water and just, flowed before my visual in one large, concaucted drink. It ha a taste and it was the taste of cigarettes and loneliness, and alcohol. All the empty aired moments I spent, sitting on trees or hiding, behind the cafeteria at school, sitting in parking lots, tennis courts, empty patches in forests smoking weed and cigarettes and getting drunk. The evenigns I spent staring at the cieling too high to move, the vodka that numbed the pain, while I painted stupid shit on paper mache, making a mess on the floor of my room. The times as a young person, I wished I could be one with the walls. The same dissociation that plagued me then, still plagues me now and, I don't know how to run from it.\u00a0"}
395{"doxdata": "Today, I feel... a confrontation from the universe. A synchronisity within the moving pieces and parts of my life, as if the planets have aligned or the gears have shifted into just the right position to send off alarm bells. It is time to confront the buried shit inside me, that's filled up my person like a sinking ship, and filled now with gunk and bacteria, empty wine bottles float through the muck with stray eyeballs and dog hair. And it is a swamp too thick and too sickening to dream of desiring, my own worst nightmare, the frightening things that are painful, so painful you fear they will break you in half from feeling them. I feel like glass, porcelain china, that might shatter at the slightest touch.\u00a0"}
396{"doxdata": "She kind of got the hint that it was too heavy. And then she asked me, how they reacted to my drug use and I said my mom is unpredictable, there are a lot of ways they can respond to it. Sometimes it's military style punishment, other times it's threats of suicide and I have to clean up her emotions that I\"m somehow responsible for, or she will rehab my ass, or, she will become cold and distant. More often than not. Sometimes she just gets angry and punishes me sadistically and flies off the handle essentially. My therapist focused on the cold and distant point a bit and said that must of been difficult for me to experience because I get so hopeful about finally establising a relationship or finally have hope things are going well or turning around, that she likes me, that, things will be ok and then the next minute it's \"shoom, shut down.\" And she said that parents that do that are unhealthy and toxic, and have toxic shit of their own they should deal with.\u00a0"}
397{"doxdata": "And I said, \"yeah she went through a lot, a lot of trauma growing up.\" I didn't tell her this but, my mom was repeadetly raped as a child, for years. Not just once or twice, it was just, countless countless times- by a family member. Most of her childhood. Her father was distant because he was always off doing military work, and when he was there he wasn't \"really there\" he like let her drink beer and that's about it. Very checked out, not, engaged etc. Forgot about her a lot. Very harsh though, critical, angry. And then the mother was a severe addict so, she was beyond checked out and, also had very very severe bpd as well as parapylgia, from severe cerebral palsy. In essence, incapacitated in many many ways because of this. Also her bpd violent behavior was so severe, that it had her and the rest of my mothers family estranged from her cousins aunts uncles, because they wanted nothing to do with the woman. And majority of the members of the family beleived that she was demon possessed because of how angry and insane she became, she punished others for not giving her what she thought she deserved, she manipulated people with her own emotions and had an etitlement to, other peoples time as if they, all owed her something. And the father was severely addicted to porn as well, which was the center of a lot of tumultous family fights. There was constant hostility, in the home. And they weren't well off. She recalled from her childhood, eating ketchup sandwiches. Her mom sewed her clothes because she couldn't afford to buy them. Etc. My mom came from very fucked up, unfortunate circumstances. Once her mom drove herself into a building, with the children in the car my mom included. Trying to kill herself and the kids. My mom had a severe back injury of the result of this, and had to have a spinal fusion surgery, in which she didn't wake up from for many many months. She was, in a coma. During this time they tied her body to a large revolving cage bed, and would move her around in circles, with her back open- to let it heal as it was supposed to or something like that. It sounds like something from a horror movie. When she finally did wake up, and her back was sewn shut, she was unable to walk, eat, etc. And lived in a ohspital for 1 year, while learning to do all of these things again- working her way up from pure paralysis. Ground zero. Not only was it extremely painful, but she missed socialization, school, etc. She said she recalled laying there many hours in the dark, unable to move, and would pretend she was playing the piano with her fingers. Or would read. It was a fridah kahlo esc situation. Just, hell. Her brother was abused so badly by her mother, she witnessed her mother try to kill her brother on multiple occassions, in quite dramatic- or traumatic I guess you should say- ways.\u00a0"}
398{"doxdata": "Her mother and father were so inattentive though, her needs weren't met not only with food and clothing, but also she would be forgotten about and things like that all the time- left to walk home in the snow and things like that. But the house would be locked so she'd be left out there for many hours in the snow. And she turned in her homework sometimes on napkins, written in crayon, because she simply had no paper or pens.\u00a0"}
399{"doxdata": "but you\u2019re sick of the cold and not being able to see\u00a0"}
400{"doxdata": "Sick from the feces that lay on your skin in the cold and damp place you\u2019re sick of staying in!\u00a0"}
401{"doxdata": "she goes cold and distant naturally, and it in turn makes me feel futile, just as she expresses her own feelings of futility about me to my face. and that existential dread and depression sort of eats me alive and i become hopeless and want to use drugs for that reason- coupled with the pain and anxiety and wanting to escape- and the overwhelming thoughts and feelings, and circumstantial shit going on. together it's just a lot.\u00a0"}
402{"doxdata": "then later that evening i began to feel suicidal again, so this is two nights in a row now i was having like suicidal ideation and. yeah so i left the session feeling quite sad about all the things we had discussed i felt \"broken up\" if that makes sense and i just wanted to come to pieces and cry but I had to hold it together one more hour to go out to eat with family. so i managed. though my mom was being cold and distant and hateful toward me during this and it was making it relaly hard but.\u00a0"}
403{"doxdata": "i'm gonna tell my therapist maybe we were moving a little too fucking fast and should put the fucking breaks on for a second because.. im questioning you know, if she knwos what shes dealing with and how fragile or easily things can \"wind me up\" into a state of like really unhealthy, reactions weather it be using or suicide so... like it's just a lot right now everything i'm confronting so...yeahhhh\u00a0"}
404{"doxdata": "I've seen Paris Hilton in one of these, it's a Rolls. It has this distinct light up dash like that, that I personally think is sick. Just top it off with some stars in the ceiling and you're good to go.\u00a0"}
405{"doxdata": "And yeah eventually the fun ran out when the money ran out and I went for a walk on the beach on morning and a cig, the girl I was living with was asking me for money that I didn't have. I was stressed out. And my mom calls me out of the blue. I swear to god. And she just started tearing into me and it broke me up inside and I just started sobbing because I couldn't take it anymore. And I told her I don't knwo what to do anymore and I was out of money and blah blah blah crying sobbing. Typical addict. And she said, I'm not giving you any money but you can come home if you go to rehab otherwise, you stay there and stay fucked. Essentially.\u00a0"}
406{"doxdata": "I also got my life guard certification and started working as a swim instructor and life guard.\u00a0"}
407{"doxdata": "Also the year I was living in california (when i lived with the friend in the air force and then wound up livign with a girl i met on the internet) I did art installations for my sisters art company, and that's how I made ends meet. but it wasn't stable obviously and thats how i wound up running out of money out there.\u00a0"}
408{"doxdata": "rowing up i worked as a baby sitter. when i lived in mexico i worked with animals and rescuing them.\u00a0"}
409{"doxdata": "ive applied for a lot of phlebotomy jobs and things in the medical vein and then just restaraunt work and life guarding swim instructor work\u00a0"}
410{"doxdata": "\u00a0It was a long road to California. I live in Florida. Think about it.\u00a0"}
411{"doxdata": "I made a lot of stops along the way, mainly in New Orleans living with a friend there and a friend in Mississippi...\u00a0"}
412{"doxdata": "i have this auto immune disease he talks about. i have a specialist i see, and i made sure the therapist i hired was also a dietition nutritionist and understood how depression works at the molecular, neuropsychological level- as a result of, issues that would concern a funcitonal medicine doctor (mainly). for this reason. because, she understands that this is not just mental its also physiologically caused for me too.\u00a0"}
413{"doxdata": "I'm going Doe hunting tonight ;)"}
414{"doxdata": "like \"yo, eat beets my dude. signing off, Washington post official author in chief article staff member and co-editor journalist, yeezy mcgeee -drizzle at 0600 hours June 21st 2002-\""}
415{"doxdata": "The most elaborately pulled off murder trial I have ever fucking seen\u00a0"}
416{"doxdata": "https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/3917-Grenville-Dr_Charlottesville_VA_22903_M68418-15255?cid=txt_shares_rdc_ldp#photo35"}
417{"doxdata": "midnight ocean"}
418{"doxdata": "I thought you lived in Australia\u00a0"}
419{"doxdata": "I also think carrying buckets of water to the house from a river, and some wood splitting would make her personality unrecognizable."}
420{"doxdata": "they also locked me in my room for two months with nothing but a mattress and the clothes on my back, and only brought me out to do work for them and chores. and they beat me or submerged my head in water, or dumbed freezing cold water on me if I didn't do things exactly the way they wanted. Smacked me in the face.\u00a0"}
421{"doxdata": "I know people aren\u2019t entitled to stuff just because they drove really far but I think because of the constant reimbursements customers get when employees fuck up, this woman subconsciously was like programmed to believe she should get something for free in that moment\u00a0"}
422{"doxdata": "I think Simon from American idol is a pedophile. Just a hunch.\u00a0"}
423{"doxdata": "as it is important we adhere to the cold hard truth at all times, even if we don't like the taste. so thank you.\u00a0"}
424{"doxdata": "on the off chance u arent lying, try to interact with ppl, watch the news or do something that makes u connect with the present. also pinch urself or splash ur face with cold water"}
425{"doxdata": "I cried at a funeral when the guards handed my mother the folded American flag they do for military service, people who have died.\u00a0"}
426{"doxdata": "I agree, I want to move to California when I have the means. That\u2019s been the plan all along\u00a0"}
427{"doxdata": "what I'm trying to say is, it's all good lol and like the bitching I got for breakfast this morning from my mom was, uncalled for and unnecessary and just plain extra.\u00a0"}
428{"doxdata": "video contains: needles blood track marks self harm scars shooting up and overdosing\u00a0"}
429{"doxdata": "serial killers and rapists (the ones that don't get away with it...) get three hot meals a day, while 100,000 (estimated) *homeless* children in Ukraine ALONE go hungry every night of their lives.\u00a0"}
430{"doxdata": "they're put in \"laying down rooms\" and neglected and left there, in the beds, to die in these \"institutions\" in Eastern Europe. it's neglect that is on a \"ferrel child\" scale... neurological development wise, and psychological development wise, the effects of this extreme neglect are permanently hindering and devastating... quality of life is obsolete\u00a0"}
431{"doxdata": "france has initiated a less-waste policy where food they are forced to throw out, in establishments and grocery stores, are now given to the poor and starving.\u00a0"}
432{"doxdata": "france notifies the public whenever a photo is photoshopped now with a large symbol on every photoshopped photo, to lessen the catastrophic effects on young women, of praising anorexia and unattainable beauty standards for decades.\u00a0"}
433{"doxdata": "florida is the only state that educates young children on human trafficking prevention.\u00a0"}
434{"doxdata": "florida is also the only state to offer forgiveness for those arrested on drug charges, and given the opportunity to be rehabilitated, to change."}
435{"doxdata": "I can't look at the videos on Venezuela for too long.\u00a0"}
436{"doxdata": "muslim men murder women who they deem fit to be murdered- should she do something wrong in their eyes.\u00a0"}
437{"doxdata": "muslim women are denied housing in certain countries as well, and denied other rights, or harassed, beaten, or burned. and police forces around the world have done nothing to protect them- and turn a blind eye to the severity of these issues they are facing"}
438{"doxdata": "the growing problem of homeless college students, has become so prominent in the United States,\u00a0"}
439{"doxdata": "so you'll offer them hamburgers and books,\u00a0"}
440{"doxdata": "I suppose it only works in Germany eh?\u00a0"}
441{"doxdata": "did you know homeless shelters don't exist in Mexico?\u00a0"}
442{"doxdata": "but not like the beggars in Mexico.\u00a0"}
443{"doxdata": "the beggars in Mexico are selling tatted shirts off their backs (not an exaggeration, I'm dead serious) and the shoes off their feet.\u00a0"}
444{"doxdata": "they beggars in Mexico are 5, and 6 years old and barefoot. with dirty faces.\u00a0"}
445{"doxdata": "in Mexico they tie starving animals to trees in villages, to kill them. when they can no longer afford to feed them.\u00a0"}
446{"doxdata": "(who cares about the ocean, or sea turtles)\u00a0"}
447{"doxdata": "(and celebrate the mass murder of Native Americans)\u00a0"}
448{"doxdata": "Filling it with doodles while watching American horror story"}
449{"doxdata": "Classic Albuquerque architecture...\u00a0"}
450{"doxdata": "other than the cops not finding him by this point which they totally would have seen his face when they drove by him\u00a0"}
451{"doxdata": "Withstand extreme temperatures so you can fly into the sun and also walk around in the arctic and swim in freezing hypothermic level waters with polar bears and also walk around in the Florida sun all day and not be affected by it whatso ever\u00a0"}
452{"doxdata": "i wanna go deep in the sea and swim around without being affected by pressure or like not being able to open my eyes and just be able to breathe and shit\u00a0"}
453{"doxdata": "i wanna go deep in the sea and swim around without being affected by pressure or like not being able to open my eyes and just be able to breathe and shit\u00a0"}
454{"doxdata": "I've been binging on American horror story lately trying to get my spooky halloween fix\u00a0"}
455{"doxdata": "the reason why you see a lot of themes from the day of the dead is because the person who abused me was Mexican, a lot of my abuse happened in Mexico, after the day of the dead, that was the last month I spent in Mexico before I up and left.\u00a0"}
456{"doxdata": "and one year I went to a place called Tbones, in Mississippi and they had a big screen on the side of the building and played horror classics and I went to that with some friends, and I also went to Saenger theater's rocky horror picture show that year.\u00a0"}
457{"doxdata": "my brain: honestly you\u2019re too mentally fucked today to do that. Because of the whole hurricane of thoughts swarming around in your mind and the self loathing and stuff like you should probably just stay inside so you don\u2019t have to deal with anything it\u2019s not like you have the energy. Besides you\u2019re not yourself right now so it\u2019d be really weird to see people and they can tell you\u2019re off and then you jsut have to lie about it and then drive home feeling depressed after you lie and say you\u2019re just tired\u00a0"}
458{"doxdata": "My brain: yeah honestly let\u2019s just dissociate and do like mind numbing escape activities to pass the time and also I\u2019m gonna like keep flooding your head with thoughts. And to make you\u2019re tiredness worse I\u2019m also going to remind you that you\u2019re ugly and fat and also there\u2019s no point in being alive because no one will ever love you and you\u2019ll never be successful at anything and you\u2019re honestly just screwed in every possible way so. I mean even if you do make it to old age you\u2019ll die anyways but you\u2019re more likely to die along the way of some disease because your immune system is so fucked like, one small plague and you\u2019re fucked so statistically you\u2019ll probably die of pneumonia in your 40s anyway or some stupid painful lung infection and you\u2019ll just lay in the ICU on a ventilator unconscious with tubes in your throat till someone decides to pull the plug. Also all the potential you have is totally wasted and the rest of your life is going to be totally meaningless and pointless and probably unenjoyable by the way have fun being alone for the next forty years never maturingpast the age of 12 because of the severe trauma you went through as a kid that fucked your life up forever.\u00a0"}
459{"doxdata": "yeah, and exhausting. hah.\u00a0"}
460{"doxdata": "sometimes it's really like that. it's kind of like untangling a necklace is how one therapist explained to me, i can go in depth with that analogy as she did... as far as how the treatment process works with depression and anxiety and ptsd. and then, with EMDR specifically for the ptsd and anxiety panic attacks, that therapist described that treatment process as taking a jar of sand and shells and all kinds of different minerals and grains and what not,mixing with water, and just shaking it all up and then leting it all resettle into a more organized place. So the treatment at first is, shaking up the jar. and then, the settling is when you start to notice the results and the changes emotionally and symptoms that were once severe are way more manageable or like, a 0.3 on a pain scale compared to like the 12/10 it was before. If that makes any sense.\u00a0"}
461{"doxdata": "but yeah. listening to some relaxing music cuz i need it and... just gonna chill here with my candle and.... be in the quiet and the dark and feel the cold AC on mah face! cuz i need it.\u00a0"}
462{"doxdata": "okay i'm starting to come out of it now thank god... i just turned on really cold air and like started doing my makeup at my makeup counter and i think like focusing really hard on doing that pulled me out of it.\u00a0"}
463{"doxdata": "\u00a0Not even 6 minutes in, and they are already giving the crap that you CANNOT ENTER NORTH KOREA, even though you can go there as a tourist, and the videos I posted are just some of the few, it also speaks about oh noes north korea cant have nooks tahts bad!"}
464{"doxdata": "It's just so annoying because I have no trouble getting hired for like positions for working with kids, and for life guarding positions. I have a family member who talked to the CEO of a certain establishment that happens to have lots of pools all over the country and hires lots of life guards, and she said he could wiggle me into a life guarding position. But I literally have no trouble getting life guarding jobs, it's the *easiest* job to get in Florida ya'll. I even have people calling me from New York trying to get me to come work in their pool I'm like dawg I\"m not moving to New York to be a life guard?? Lol! I get more work here with swim instruction as well on the side to life guarding, and I do private lessons and stuff but. If you have the certifications I have and the experience I have with kids, it's super easy.\u00a0"}
465{"doxdata": "Also, summer camps- are always hiring. There's literally endless opportunities with just that vein of kids, and swimming/water related stuff. I also know someone who owns a paddle boarding company not too far from me locally and I could literally be giving paddle boarding lessons but here's the tea- I actually *don't like lakes* and I prefer ocean or pools. And this one is in a lake. But being a life guard, and being that I know her- she would totally hire me.\u00a0"}
466{"doxdata": "Everywhere I look or go, they're like, \"can you speak two langauges tho?\" and I'm like :( no but pls hire me lol (Florida has a very large spanish speaking population so that's probably why) (and a LOT of tourists)\u00a0"}
467{"doxdata": "But that\u2019s not even where things go wrong most commonly- apparently the most common issue that NASA employees bite their nails over watching a launch, isn\u2019t getting off the ground past some clouds but, it\u2019s passing through a certain point in the atmosphere, where the engines drop and then switch into a different gear and start trudging a bit sideways, if you notice a certain point where the launch goes from \u201cstraight up\u201d and starts going diagonal, and the white puffy cloud stops forming. That\u2019s because they\u2019ve dropped a whole chunk of the ship off and gone into full fucking g-force.\u00a0"}
468{"doxdata": "And not to mention trajectory. If you get off course because of an issue- you could end up missing your window of opportunity to your entrance point to wherever your destination is- which is a very narrow window, and a very difficult and rocky landing. And when it comes to returning to earth, there is an even more narrow window than the trajectory to your space destination, and they completely expect the landing to go south which is why all landing pads are placed in areas surrounded by open water and zero civilization, and the area during landings is restricted within a certain radius. Because that shit could literally crash and burn into the ground.\u00a0"}
469{"doxdata": "Do you know how many people will flee to alaska?\u00a0"}
470{"doxdata": "There are practically deserted islands that exist in the pacific ocean, that are only inhabited by monks. very few even probably know they really exist.\u00a0"}
471{"doxdata": "you'll be protected from disease epidemics, there is tillable soil there and vegetation to live off of and you're pretty far from anywhere there would have been major nuclear blasts if they bombed major cities of most countries.\u00a0"}
472{"doxdata": "the only downside is, anything you'd normally of had in the mainland back home, you won't have there. but- the plus side is you get to sleep at night knowng someone isn't comign to brutally murder you and eat you. peacefully.\u00a0"}
473{"doxdata": "in the event of like a walking dead type apocalypse, i would hide in the trees or go underground in the tunnel system if too many people are shooting at me in the trees. idk. it just depends on how it goes. the tunnels might be full of people who had the same idea. i'm sure there would be people living in abandoned subways and railway cars and what not.\u00a0"}
474{"doxdata": "so i would just take everything i had there, and get to NASA. then think of a strategize plans to get a pilot and a plane to take me to that island far away.\u00a0"}
475{"doxdata": "when you're afraid of getting eaten alive by zombies, it's surprisingly easier to climb straight up a tree trunk with knives taped to ur feet, and obviously knives in hand. but it's a lot easier to be done with a rope.\u00a0"}
476{"doxdata": "you could also head north to the caves inside mountains, and try to live there quitely but. that's a long journey, and the snow is dangerous. not to mention no way to grow shit, so you have to hunt. and good luck surviving the wild beasts and wolves that try to kill you. also, you can't run too fast in a certain temperature that is too low, it causes your lungs to essentially burst and you drown in your own blood from the inside out and pass out in the snow and die.\u00a0"}
477{"doxdata": "and lastly, naval bases in the middle of the fucking ocean/military bases. also hippie communes in british columbia canada.\u00a0"}
478{"doxdata": "there is a military base where my mom used to live, that's literally on an island. they have amunition to protect themselves with from air strikes. and there is one bridge, onto the island, and off the island. that's it. and it's very, very long. and the water is deep. so, if you could manage to keep this island fairly ok. you could live there. and guard it, from the bridge. or just, explode the bridge if it becomes that much of a problem.\u00a0"}
479{"doxdata": "but yeah, setting to the seas is not smart unless you really know what you're doing. it's very rough and difficult to survive long distance travel like that without knowledge of the seas and what not. and even with knowledge, and all the bravery in the world- it still may not work out.... the ocean will kill you. but, if you can mange to get to a naval base. that might be a good spot if everything is absolutely gone to shit and you're out of options. there likely wouldn't be very many peopl ethere, because it requires a plane or an excellent naval captain, to locate and get to.\u00a0"}
480{"doxdata": "but yeah uh, the hippie commune in i think... victoria canada if i'm not mistaken. it's an island, self sustaining hippie commune. lots of live off of there.\u00a0"}
481{"doxdata": "also, there is an underground cave system that people live in out in nevada, it's pretty cool. so that's a place to survive for a while. you'll have to hunt though, the soil is shit and there's not much water. but there is one entrance to the cave system, and it's designed for human habitation, they have beds and everything. a whole \"city\" essentially but underground. and, you can close it off with this iron door they have. it's pretty sick.\u00a0"}
482{"doxdata": "and then you have, that weird island that hasn't been touched by modern civilization yet. there's lots of like \"abandoned islands\" but i just figure lots of people will go there by boat. but, this island was recently discovered and it has people on it that have no knoweldge of the outside world and speak a language unknown to us. they're self sustaining obviously. but, if you arriave there, they will likely kill you. the reason we can't get in touch with them is because they kill anyone that arrives tehre on sight. no one's been able to make it to the shore, they're violent.\u00a0"}
483{"doxdata": "and, lastly. the aboriginals of australia. that might be a place to go. i don't know.\u00a0"}
484{"doxdata": "just be weary of water, don't drink or go in rivers that you don't know are safe. cover exposed wounds. always wear shoes and thick clothing to cover your legs and arms, and surround them with duct tape or something as armour.\u00a0"}
485{"doxdata": "even then, youll likely get a run down immune sysem, catch a cold you can't fight off, or a virus. and without antibiotics or medical assistance, you die from a high grade fever one night in your sleep.\u00a0"}
486{"doxdata": "Obviously the zombie virus would break out every now and then within the commune, and we had strategized directives of handling it. As soon as you show symptoms, you are taken to a clinic. And you become a guinea pig for a cure, for the sake of humanity. And then they kill you, if they can't cure you. Or they've gathered enoguh data. Because- you're already dead anyways. Now you're just a risk to harm others so they have to kill you.\u00a0"}
487{"doxdata": "it sounds exhausting because it is. thankfully i'm not cursed with these dreams anymore after getting like therapy and meds and shit lol, clearly had some issues to work out. but yeah, the nightmares are gone now yay :)\u00a0"}
488{"doxdata": "ancient cultures carved their homes out of mountains, so it's like, a habitat inside of a mountain it's pretty fucking cool.\u00a0"}
489{"doxdata": "and like, the caves in malta are pretty elaborate and could house like, 1,000 people. these are man made cave dwellings i'm talking about. elaborate systems underground. there's little nooks and crannies like that to hide in essentially all over the planet. they're pretty mind blowing to look at, and they're designed to like, move water around from place to place and stuff... and store large amounts of water.\u00a0"}
490{"doxdata": "some of them have heat resistant elements lining them (that have been placed tere by ancient people) and it's so cool. they can withstand, temperatures higher than a rocket blasting off. fire hotter than that.\u00a0"}
491{"doxdata": "they're in egypt.\u00a0"}
492{"doxdata": "*face palm face palm face palm*\u00a0"}
493{"doxdata": "my desire to be a normal girl and to be straight for my very strict religious family is what drove me to try so hard about it like trust me I really gave it my absolute best fighting chance\u00a0"}
494{"doxdata": "hi my name is blanc and my life was destroyed by a male butt hurt hacker who black mailed me, exposed me for being gay to my parents with receipts because I broke up with him to date my lesbian best friend"}
495{"doxdata": "Unfortunately no one wants to change their shit until it gets too uncomfortable to bear, so I suppose you have a few more months till you hit rock bottom. You\u2019re no more low functioning than Tryp- the person you make fun of all the time. Until you get your shit together. His addiction to alcohol is no different than your addiction to fantasizing about men who don\u2019t care about you.\u00a0"}
496{"doxdata": "https://twitter.com/chxkra/status/1130175584657711112?s=21"}
497{"doxdata": "When I was in third grade, I got into a horrible car accident, my family's vehicle was smashed with an actual semi-truck. Eighteen wheeler? Yeah one of those. How uncanny right. My oldest sister went through the windshield. I remember hitting my head, and afterward getting a police escort to school. I remember walking around the school feeling really disoriented, I think I fell asleep. And then later in the evening there was a tornado. And I just thought to myself, \"today really isn't my day.\" While we all piled into the shelter and waited for the storm to pass. The power went out and I fell asleep again.\u00a0"}
498{"doxdata": "Also, in elementary school I got a horrible virus. At the time it wasn't well known, but I was very very, very sick. I laid on my couch for ten days, wavering in and out of consciousness. I remember shivering, and then becoming too hot, and then shivering again. And waking up puking. I remember my mom trying to keep my fever down with ice packs and medicine but, nothing was working because I'd just throw it back up. My entire body was covered in a rash, and I came to my mom and said, \"what are these dots?\" And my mom's eyes got VERY wide and she immediately took me to the hospital. We weren't able to find a diagnosis and I got sicker, and was unable to keep my head up. I was so ill I couldn't stay awake, and I felt truly like I was dying. I lost track of time completely. I felt so, so bad. I actually *wanted* to die so it would be over. I knew, whatever this was it wasn't a normal flu."}
499{"doxdata": "I did a shitty read, I thought. Didn't even try, or put effort. I just read the monologue right off the page and paced around a bit. Didn't think twice about it, didn't even know what the play was called that I auditioned for but. The next morning I come into school, walking down the hallway to my locker and a I see everyone crowded around this sheet of paper on the wall. I still have no idea what's going on. But I slowly approach it like, what's all the excitement about you know. And I stand in the background of the crowd and read, \"CAST LIST\" And then the first characters name, and a dash. Then my name next to it. And I said, \"this has to be some kind of mistake. or a joke. Is this a joke.\" And my friend said, \"be happy! You're the lead!!\" And I thought, \"oh no... this is terrible.\" I was thinking about my friend, who really genuinely cared about being in the play, and noticed she had a much smaller role. And I immediately ran upstairs and knocked on the directors door and I nervously came in and I what burst out of my mouth was, \"I NEED TO SWITCH ROLES. CHANGE THE CAST LIST (DAMMIT) (before my FRIEND SEES IT)\" And he's like, \"what are you nervous?? I can't do that.\" And I said, \"I don't know how to act!!\" And he said, \"yes you do, you're acting right now.\" And I'm like what??? and he's like, \"I have to start class, see you after school at rehearsals.\" and he hands me a book that is the script, and he's like, \"you might wanna start looking over that.\"\u00a0"}
500{"doxdata": "At the time I also had a boyfriend who, played on the football team and. Because of him I did get to be invited to the \"cool kid parties\" but, I wasn't around that much because I was so busy between acting and school. I had a full on acting career going on in the background. Private lessons of all sorts. agents. Managers. I was submitted audition tapes to Disney. Flying to Cali and New Orleans, and all over the place. In indpendent films and what not. But, I managed to make it to the big parties like, Prom. You know. Couldn't miss that.\u00a0"}
501{"doxdata": "And as me and her got closer, so did, her and my boyfriend. And finally one evening she decided to fuck him in the backseat of his car I guess. And none of this came out until, me and the boyfriend were on vacation together in a condo at the beach. And he told me dramatically on the balcony one night, it was storming. So cliche. And I slapped him in the face and I told him to go home."}
502{"doxdata": "But I got my karma for that, because. I was too was told once to go home, at the beach one night. A year later- I had been with a new guy who asked me out whatever. I didn't care that much. We were in this group of friends like eight or so people and we all chilled together all the time now. But the girls in the group slowly started to hate me more and more and exclude me not only for probably flirting with them a little too much but also because they were jealous that I was dating the guy they liked and the other guy one of them liked also liked me it was just a mess. I just wanted everyone to be friends but. Yeah and then I also hooked up with a girl on the low, I helped her a lot with her depression and shit and, yeah she just, was really over sexual and flirty and blah blah blah one thing led to another.\u00a0"}
503{"doxdata": "At the time I was depressed because my original group of friends had moved on from me essentially, my best friend found a new best friend. And, the camp we went to together every year, in the summer- became hell. I was alone. And she just disowned me a a friend for no reason other than jealousy about the fact I spent time with a guy now instead of her sometimes- while she didn't have a guy. I was always kind of the runt of the friend group but they kept me around because I was funny I guess, and then they chewed me up and spit me out like dust when I guess they decided they didn't like me anymore when I got taller and prettier."}
504{"doxdata": "At least I had my other little group of friends that semi-hated me. I thought I could hang but, like I mentioned. One year later- from the night that guy cheated on me. The group of girls in the friend group staged a horrible prank on me, at the beach house. we were staying in. And then later that night, the mother of the boy I was dating kicked me out- because I wasn't \"rich and preppy\" (she was a major snob and also extremely wealthy and would only let her son date certain girls that were as wealthy and prestigious as his family) and yeah she came in that night and saw me there- I wasn't supposed to really be there I guess but the boyfriend didn't tell me that. And she was just disgusted with me and kicked me out.\u00a0"}
505{"doxdata": "LOL and I walked on the beach for about two hours, down the coast, once again in the rain. In the dark and found my way to a small little town, found a phone and called for a ride. And fell asleep in a parking lot.\u00a0"}
506{"doxdata": "my fave thing is wrapping my arms around u like a tree ur welcome\u00a0"}
507{"doxdata": "It was him, and several other friends- who wound up hanging together in the summer just after I graduated high school. Got high and went to the beach together, that's pretty much all we did. Tripped. We had great times together. I remember one night, we sang Pink Floyd lyrics in perfect unison together in the car. An iconic moment in all of our friendship, that all of us remembered- years later. At a funeral.\u00a0"}
508{"doxdata": "The group of friends, I mentioned, was brought together again by his death and, again, by another friends death. He was beaten to death in a parking lot. We met in the ICU... another friend from that group went to prison. One of them, was the guy who- that summer after graduating, asked me to be his boyfriend. And we travelled all around Europe and Mexico together.\u00a0"}
509{"doxdata": "We avoided the police raids by flushing things down the toilet, us and our friends, and we would pop out the screen of the window and jump out, run to the car and make out way out.\u00a0"}
510{"doxdata": "But it just became more and more clear to me over time who I should be with, and that was that girl I was sneaking around with. Calling every night after Leo fell asleep and talking to her for hours during the day when he was out of the house. I flew back and forth from Mexico to America just to spend the fucking weekend with her. And when I was in college, I would drive two hours, just to go see her for the weekend as well. I was in love with this girl alright. You don\u2019t know what went on behind the scenes, and the pictures of us, aren\u2019t posted on my social media because i\u2019m In the closet you doofus. You will not find a single picture of any of my girlfriends on social media, unless they are posed as friends. I do this on purpose.\u00a0"}
511{"doxdata": "she smiles a lot. tries to reassure me or warn me about things. like, intuitively knows... what to do. like, \"get up. drink water. [or you'll die soon, your organs are shutting down].\" or tells me, \"you have a temperature of 103, go to the hospital.\"\u00a0"}
512{"doxdata": "harbors basically all the trauma I experienced in Mexico at the hands of an abusive ex, who was Mexican and spoke fluent Spanish.\u00a0"}
513{"doxdata": "\u00a0I love that you made my name rainbow"}
514{"doxdata": "cuz it can be very misleading for ppl when last night we were talking about getting married and this morning I come on SC and see lena saying I broke up with him\u00a0"}
515{"doxdata": "this really how it felt like... with my ex gf being the alligator and me holding it...\u00a0"}
516{"doxdata": "magnolia home by joanna gaines is literally my bb. i checked out all the candles from them and this is the best one.\u00a0"}
517{"doxdata": "pumpkin and spiced maple hand wash"}
518{"doxdata": "sitting next to a pumpkin candle with pumpkin ice cream\u00a0"}
519{"doxdata": "\u00a0Why you share a screenshot of me talkign to Jim about how he can be gettign laid in miami? lol\u00a0"}
520{"doxdata": "\u00a0Why you share a screenshot of me talkign to Jim about how he can be gettign laid in miami? lol\u00a0"}
521{"doxdata": "\u00a0wtf lol i wasn't attacking anyone i was telling jim advice on how he can get laid in miami that's it.... chill holy shit.\u00a0"}
522{"doxdata": "The reason is please murder me so I can be dead also I am gay bye"}
523{"doxdata": "\u00a0Why you share a screenshot of me talkign to Jim about how he can be gettign laid in miami? lol\u00a0"}
524{"doxdata": "\u00a0wtf lol i wasn't attacking anyone i was telling jim advice on how he can get laid in miami that's it.... chill holy shit.\u00a0"}
525{"doxdata": "\u00a0Why you share a screenshot of me talkign to Jim about how he can be gettign laid in miami? lol\u00a0"}
526{"doxdata": "\u00a0wtf lol i wasn't attacking anyone i was telling jim advice on how he can get laid in miami that's it.... chill holy shit.\u00a0"}
527{"doxdata": "\u00a0Why you share a screenshot of me talkign to Jim about how he can be gettign laid in miami? lol\u00a0"}
528{"doxdata": "\u00a0wtf lol i wasn't attacking anyone i was telling jim advice on how he can get laid in miami that's it.... chill holy shit.\u00a0"}
529{"doxdata": "There are varying degrees of severity as well which can be measured by a number of factors"}
530{"doxdata": "http://dev.coastalcarolinaarea.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/b_t.pdf"}
531{"doxdata": "\u00a0Why you share a screenshot of me talkign to Jim about how he can be gettign laid in miami? lol\u00a0"}
532{"doxdata": "\u00a0wtf lol i wasn't attacking anyone i was telling jim advice on how he can get laid in miami that's it.... chill holy shit.\u00a0"}
533{"doxdata": "but\u00a0now i just believe in *always* telling the truth as it is, plain as day- because even if i'm being bullied and harassed about it or for it- i know i did the right thing by just always telling my truth and remaining genuine, and remained true to myself and my own standards, core values and beliefs. at the end of the day that's what matters most to me, not what anyone has to say about it.\u00a0"}
534{"doxdata": "Originally I was going to make this about awesome concert experiences but, I'm just going to widen the topic a bit so everyone can participate."}
535{"doxdata": "What made me think of this thread was I was remembering the time that I watched Eddie Vedder and Dave Grohl in unision, sing happy birthday to Joan Jett on stage- along with an audience of 15k people (minimum). I honestly don't know how many people were there but it was the biggest concert I've ever been to let's put it that way. It was on a beach.\u00a0"}
536{"doxdata": "And then they sang some songs together, they aren't recorded songs or anything they've done together, so it was a rare moment that just the attendees of this concert got to witness.\u00a0"}
537{"doxdata": "Oh yeah and I shook J.Cole's hand once lol like standing face to face. It was after a concert I just kind of ran into him lol\u00a0"}
538{"doxdata": "-a parking spot with your name on it at the LGBT center in Los Angeles\u00a0"}
539{"doxdata": "Grandiose narc, runs an oil company that obliterates the Gulf of Mexico and all sea life in it. And then spends all the money crawling their ways out of law suits instead of investing in cleaning up the damage they\u2019ve made.\u00a0"}
540{"doxdata": "Out in Casadaga Florida (if you read about this town it will creep you the fuck out all the mystical bull shit behind it. It's kind of like Florida's version of Salem. It's very haunted and weird.) So yeah go to Casadega, and then ask around in local coffee shops where the moon dances are happening that night. You might even find them on facebook or whatever google idk. But these bonfire moon dance moon circle things are super weird, you get to meet the craziest people in Florida and they're all off their rocker and believe weird shit. Some of them believe they're vampies and shit. It's funny. And they dance around the bonfire and do acid and other drugs. Drink a lot. Idk. sometimes they have them on a beach of a lake which is extra creepy because the dark water, something about it is ominous. I suppose you could rent a boat and go out on the water, or some people in Florida like to just hang out in lakes all day. Rope swing into them and, jet ski around and shit. They get big water trampolines and like bounce off of them into the lakes. That's fun but very creepy at night. Which is the goal.\u00a0"}
541{"doxdata": "This is something that pretty much everyone in Orlando grows up doing. Universal has this huge halloween thing and they deck out the place in fucking halloween shit. They used to have staff hired to run around and chase you with chainsaws and jump out at you but they don't do that anymore because 1. people were mad about the chainsaws being dangerous (even though they removed the chain) and 2. when people popped out and scared the wrong person- staff members were getting punched in the face.\u00a0"}
542{"doxdata": "Water activities. Like wet n' wild and adventure island, Disney Springs/Disney resorts or just your local fall festival will have like you know all the fun shit. caramel covered apples and, ferris wheels and blow up slides.\u00a0"}
543{"doxdata": "I know in Florida they have one in Park ave every year and also one in a pool resort type hotel place called Gaylord Palms and those are fun. All the big hotels usually have holiday related events going on so check for those in your local whatever. I'm sure Vegas and New York big cities like that is a blast on halloween. They have all sorts of shit going on :P"}
544{"doxdata": "Locally here we have that sort of thing going on. I dunno I live in a big city so there's always events going on you just google \"your town name, events\" and you'll find something but. Out door fashion shows are fun because you can bring your dog. lol! And you dress him up in a cute halloween bow tie or something and everyone stops to talk to you and pet it. It's a great way to meet completely random people, and your dog gets to have a lot of fun. To make it fun for yourself, get yourself ice cream or something while walking around. Lol.\u00a0"}
545{"doxdata": "Massachusetts- Salem\u00a0"}
546{"doxdata": "All of this sounds normal to me, I can\u2019t imagine being without it if that makes any sense. It\u2019s how my entire brain operates and processes the world like. Shit even fucking, the mechanics of a car are broken down by these associations. The gear shifter has numbers colors. The sound and feeling of them I memorize and I can feel when the hum and vibration of the vehicle is off and these hums have color, frequency categorization and numbers- even and odd associations etc.. even the various hums of different types of microwaves. Or different shapes gears and parts that make a watch tick and the movements it expresses to do so, the direction in which things move or the way they move, has categorization to me. I don\u2019t know! It\u2019s just everything to me literally everything even fucking trees and plants. Even smells!!!"}
547{"doxdata": "Tropical Delora"}
548{"doxdata": "Tropical Delora"}
549{"doxdata": "\u00a0after trying sex i realized im actually asexual once i was married, but we made it work. my husband just has sex with me while i play with puzzles or pet my rat, or taking a nap. we make it work. the point is, romance and sexual attraction ARE two different things. but you did love tryp. and i know you did he can be very charming. but you loved a man and you are not gay. maybe bi with a strong female preference, but not gay.\u00a0"}
550{"doxdata": "It\u2019s a category five 185 mph giant tornado pummeling the entire state\u00a0"}
551{"doxdata": "and yes the Bahamas got completely WREKT"}
552{"doxdata": "Hi there is a hurricane currently pummeling me to death\u00a0"}
553{"doxdata": "day 1 of hurricane Dorian is already horrible\u00a0"}
554{"doxdata": "they refuse to deliver any food to the state because it\u2019s a liability for the truck drivers\u00a0"}
555{"doxdata": "but the State is so goddam long you can\u2019t get out of it without running out of gas and you end up being trapped in Jacksonville where all the crime is\u00a0"}
556{"doxdata": "Flash lights have become a luxury. The alligators are going to eat us soon.\u00a0"}
557{"doxdata": "-Florida.\u00a0"}
558{"doxdata": "mountain dew\u00a0"}
559{"doxdata": "http://www.newnownext.com/jeffree-star-donates-20000-to-orlando-victims-fund/06/2016/"}
560{"doxdata": "i was a bad kid!! but pretended to be sweet and the teachers pet and all this shit. which is the worst kind lol\u00a0"}
561{"doxdata": "i also stole homework from the homework turning in bin, and put my name on it. i only did this when i fucked up and just totally forgot about an assignment or something. it was just a panicked decision that i had to fall back on, for the fear of going home and getting my ass beaten over a zero.\u00a0"}
562{"doxdata": "and finally I just lost my shit completely. Like it all spiraled outbof control or whatever and if mental illness is a storm cloud mine was like a hurricane and I was totally lost in the spiral"}
563{"doxdata": "Mari from Brazil\u00a0(Portugese makeup artist, beauty influencer)"}
564{"doxdata": "I dreamt of swimming in dark water and it was scary\u00a0"}
565{"doxdata": "there was several people standing on rocky edges around the water it was like just like mountains and rocks and just this deep random area filled inbetween them with dark cold water black water\u00a0"}
566{"doxdata": "because i was swimming through it looking for something but I felt scared by the deep ness of the water not being able to see or anything just swimming through the unknownness \u00a0was terrifying"}
567{"doxdata": "and I walked out of this cave into this rock and saw people in the water and standing on rocks across the way and one on the rock I was on\u00a0"}
568{"doxdata": "and the people told me that the girl on the rock was looking for something\u00a0"}
569{"doxdata": "https://us.princesspolly.com/collections/shoes/products/windsor-smith-lupe-sneaker"}
570{"doxdata": "*pulls up to my white suburban neighborhood drinking starbucks, wearing kylie lipstick and blasting this*\u00a0"}
571{"doxdata": "i saw a car this morning that said, \"sad boyz\" on it in custom letters in a little arch on their back window\u00a0"}
572{"doxdata": ">goes into police station a criminal\u00a0"}
573{"doxdata": ">no longer handcuffed by police but is loved by them all\u00a0"}
574{"doxdata": "I would keep your distance. You\u2019re following the patterns of a predatorial-style relationship, that commonly predates murder cases I\u2019ve studied.\u00a0"}
575{"doxdata": "Tryp would never do something like that. He would just psychologically and emotionally manipulate you, but not physically. Though he very well could. I tried to arm wrestle him to test his strength, and telling by it- he could easily slam my body into wall with enough force to knock me out cold if he wanted to. He could beat me bloody and mercilessly, to the point of losing consciousness. He wasn\u2019t weak. But he never laid a finger, or even hinted at doing something like that. He was passsive natured, very passive natured. Which I liked, after having come from an abusive relationship with someone as volatile as Leo. I wanted someone passive who I knew, it just wasn\u2019t in their nature to get so fired up.\u00a0"}
576{"doxdata": "He had every opportunity too. There was a moment I slipped, and broke that barrier of like \u201cnot touching someone\u201d when you\u2019re angry and fighting. (Dangerous to do, you\u2019ll get hit or shoved or something usually how most people will react to that without thinking.) And I turned his chin up to me because he wasn\u2019t looking at me when I was talking to him.\u00a0"}
577{"doxdata": "Looks like North Carolina a bit\u00a0"}
578{"doxdata": "and there's like these autistic kids running around a mall in la la land, and then there's this retarded police officer getting mad about 12 year olds being in a relationship? and the relationship is like really retardedly depicted and disgusting. nothing about it was \"shippable\" to say the least. it just felt really awkward and u just wanted it to stop. and then there's these retarded kids in the back of an ice cream shop acting retarded over some satellite thing and some russian code... it was absolutely the most retarded thing i've ever watched.\u00a0"}
579{"doxdata": "I've always wanted to move to California since I've been visiting there because of my Dad as a kid."}
580{"doxdata": "But I just really like the ceiling and the view of nature seeing nothing but trees. Thats the vibe I like. It's very \"California style\" and that's just what I like haha.\u00a0"}
581{"doxdata": "Moomin Valley Park at Hanno-shi, Saitama-ken\u00a0"}
582{"doxdata": "Pink lip and pink pink and blue eyes \ud83d\udc40 I gotta love \ud83d\udc95 I am not feeling well today and my life has to happen to me and I\u2019m just tryna was that it is so hard for you you can just keep the one \u261d\ufe0f was so good \ud83d\ude0a I love \ud83d\udc95 this game it\u2019s a good idea \ud83d\udca1 I love \ud83d\udc95 new people who have made this a great \ud83d\udc4d and it all just feels so much to be friends to say it was just like I was gonna it is the way you were to the right person but it is so fun you and your child \ud83d\udc76 day was so much to be done \u2705 I love \ud83d\udc97 you\u2019re all I love \ud83d\udc97 was my last time you wanna was my time for my childhood day of spring rolls so that much better I think \ud83d\udcad has a little push back to my head ache \ud83d\ude16 I love \ud83d\udc97 I\u2019m not trying to get you in a good mood \ud83d\ude01 I love \ud83d\udc97 you\u2019re a young woman with that a moment to tell me you know that she has been so happy \ud83d\ude03 I wanna see ya \ud83d\udc4b I love \ud83d\udc97 it\u2019s all my favorite song I ever heard in a while and it\u2019s just like I don\u2019t want it lol \ud83d\ude06 day I just was really not fun at this moment but when you were going down the way it you did you have fun with that and then it just goes back and I don\u2019t have any idea \ud83d\udca1 I want it I love \ud83d\udc97 it all I want and I\u2019m not gonna is that I wanna is that you know I wanna die life will have you all in my god you can tell you love \ud83d\udc95 you know you are really hard and you\u2019re just going swimming \ud83c\udfca I know you\u2019re going on that a level but it\u2019s so pretty to get it done \u2705 I love \ud83d\udc95 you\u2019re not going swimming \ud83c\udfca\u200d\u2640\ufe0f I want you know how\u00a0"}
583{"doxdata": "When I spend 1 week at the beach, by the end of it I am this color\u00a0"}
584{"doxdata": "You\u2019re the weird kid but no one knows why, they single you out before you\u2019ve even got a voice. Home is hell school is hell you find your escape wandering through fields alone taking photos of roadkill and your favorite flowers. Eventually the silence becomes overwhelming but you dont know how to speak out anymore, and you blame yourself. The void grows deeper and deeper but its never really gone anywhere. And you dissapear inside of it.\u00a0"}
585{"doxdata": "I went over there this morning to see the pit bulls and just pl;ay with the dogs, and also after thinking about what i wrote here, it made me realize, why dont\u2019 i just tell my mom how it made me feel\u00a0"}
586{"doxdata": "Unfortunately everyone was in an unstable mood this morning which, i should of picked up on but. I just was being in optimistic in thinking that conversation would go well but.\u00a0"}
587{"doxdata": "It\u2019s hard to explain but basically it ended up them yelling at me about a lot of stuff and, ultimately my mom just only thinking about what she wanted and not noticing how what they were treating me like this morning was hurting me.\u00a0"}
588{"doxdata": "and then when i do that of course, it just comes with more repercussions, it\u2019s exhausting and the results are damaging. They just get more angry at me for demanding respect. But if i don\u2019t stand up for myself, it\u2019s a lose lose you see what i mean.\u00a0"}
589{"doxdata": "and this isn't even the first time my dad has cheated on my mom. I remember when I was really little they fought over some woman... he went to New York with...and my mom found photos and yeah he wasn't supposed to be with a woman he was \"doing it for business\"\u00a0"}
590{"doxdata": "also my parents travel a lot both of them, but never go together. it's like \"hey I'm gonna go to New York\" and then my dads like \"ok bye\" and then my dads like \"hey im gonna go to like Boston for like six months\"\u00a0"}
591{"doxdata": "\u00a0I was joking when I said u were mean like a phrase of speech. idk where ur from but im from the south and we say that all the time in Mississippi like \"ur so mean\" and then you slap them on the shoulder but it's just meant to be a playful thing"}
592{"doxdata": "I watched the room explode to bits in slow motion almost. Saw dust from the books floating in the air, and the bits of peoples shirts as the bullets ripped through their flesh. It was massacre. I saw the pained looks on their faces, their contorted bodies falling to the ground stiffened mid air by the shots fired into the backs and their heads. I watched the glass that surrounded us glimmer in the sunlight as it dismantled and crumbled into shards to cover the ground. Blood soaked.\u00a0"}
593{"doxdata": "and as things calmed down, I was explaining to them there was someone at that school shooting the place up with automatic weapons, just mowing down students left and right. And they were like, \"do you think it's over now?\" and then it occurred to me, I needed to go back and do something to help get those students out, or something.\u00a0"}
594{"doxdata": "And so I was like, \"shit what should I do?? what should I do??? should I call the police\" and they were like, \"I'm sure the police has already been called and is on it\" and as she said that several police cars go swiping by us with their sirens on.\u00a0"}
595{"doxdata": "I thought about begging for my life, but I quickly thought it over and imagined him having no empathy for me and shooting me point blank as I begged. I knew that I wasn't going to be the exception, who he'd show any mercy for. And I couldn't talk him out of this insanity now, he was too far gone.\u00a0"}
596{"doxdata": "we were all meant to die off of diseases and genetic malfunction and birth disease but because of modern medicine the population growth is alarmingly out of hand\u00a0"}
597{"doxdata": "why can't I find a gf like this? why are they always in Canada?\u00a0"}
598{"doxdata": "should I move to Canada?\u00a0"}
599{"doxdata": "canada where the grilz be at im tellin ya\u00a0"}
600{"doxdata": "oh and I was also forced to play live, meeting with more music people in the industry etc, and to submit my compositions to these competitions and festivals, and on top of that had to do a ton of performances, and had to go to a ton of performances as homework and like study other musicians and yeah I was just swamped dude. they wanted me to go to Nashville and like market myself at this Texas music con and stuff to more people and play live at the blues fest in Chicago and it was just like gaaaaaahhhh I don't have time to practice dude im not perfect enough and then like I had bands on the side I was involved with just because I personally wanted to, that was just stuff that happened on accident and like, I enjoyed that more just playing with muscians from the \"underground\" and I'd go to parties that were strictly for music people and we'd make shit and yeah I was always jamming with other people after school and just having fun\u2026 there were some seriously talented people I met in that underground circuit- and they were genuine too.\u00a0"}
601{"doxdata": "but yeah I just kind of got overwhelmed I guess I dunno, I had my own shit going on mentally and so when I went to Mexico I just cut ties with all the shit my parents forced me into and thought about what I really wanted and just had fun and enjoyed my life, did volunteer work you know took a fuckin breather. it was so nice.\u00a0"}
602{"doxdata": "and I'd just go to the library on campus of the school in Mexico I was sort of going to, and just work on music up there on my laptop for hours and hours.\u00a0"}
603{"doxdata": "the grunge scene was very alive in mexico so I got to go see some cool underground bands there, that I discovered. some cool singer songwriters. amazingly talented. beautiful stuff. just enjoying the music to enjoy it you know.\u00a0"}
604{"doxdata": "and then yeah after that I got busy as shit just with life but, when I lived in Mississippi for a time, I'd lock myself in the studios in between classes or after class and just play till late late at night sometimes on the pianos in there. the college had a great music building and I loved it. just walking in there and walking through the halls hearing nothing but just orchestral sounds coming from all the rooms. the instruments warming up. it was a great place for me to just unwind and destress, and enjoy just being me idk, without anyone watching, anyone expecting anything from me. anyone needing me to write anything for some tv producer or whatever.\u00a0"}
605{"doxdata": "this is one of the artists I discovered in mexico just immersing myself with the music scene there and I fell absolutely in Love with her lol"}
606{"doxdata": "I also went to this concert in mexico and got to see The XX, Grimes, SBTKRT, xxyyxx"}
607{"doxdata": "because my bf at the time knew I was crazy about those artists he got me tickets to this like really awesome concert in Tulum on the beach. they played at night though and they had like lights on the ocean water and it looked so sick\u00a0"}
608{"doxdata": "one time, I met these random musicians on a beach. it was the funniest thing. they were sitting on the beach the three of them just playing their instruments- a full on keyboard out there, their guitars and what not. just jamming by themselves XD like right by the water. and they were smoking weed. so I went up to them, we ended up smoking and jamming together and then\u00a0"}
609{"doxdata": "I went out there the next day and they were there again, I asked them where they lived and they said they were living in a fucking van, touring around the United States just playing in random places.\u00a0"}
610{"doxdata": "https://ifidieinmississippi.bandcamp.com/album/alive-kxlu"}
611{"doxdata": "there are some talented people I met through Austin's\u2026 Sebastian and\u2026 I believe a girl named Afila? I think her band was like Afila and the bee?\u00a0"}
612{"doxdata": "And I'll have to ask my sister for Afila's instagram but she went on to like play professionally in a band as a lead singer, she got her start at Austin's but now she has like an indie following and goes on tour and stuff it's pretty cool and she's amazingly talented. I knew that from the second she started singing on stage at austin's man. haha and she's very cute and tiny.\u00a0"}
613{"doxdata": "but yeah there are a ton of artists that go through Austin's playing live every day and, in my opinion those two were the most talented and stood out the most. I'll have to go find her stuff and link it, she's legit now.\u00a0"}
614{"doxdata": "People on land apparently can be drowning or choking. And no one really briefed me that I was expected to be responsible for everyone\u2019s safety on land too I thought I was just supposed to spot the drowning people swim out and get them out. (Which, you\u2019d be surprised happened a lot more often than you think).\u00a0"}
615{"doxdata": "Pretty much anyone who knows me agrees that I am a terrible driver. Tryp can attest. I was like, \u201ceveryone says I\u2019m a bad driver but is it really that bad??\u201d And he was like \u201cyes\u201d lol\u00a0"}
616{"doxdata": "My parents have had that \u201cjust figure it out\u201d mentality since I was young. I was taught to swim by being thrown into a pool. My dad said, \u201csink or swim!\u201d *drops*\u00a0"}
617{"doxdata": "He did a lot of shit like that, like once we were on a mountain and I was learning to ski. I didn\u2019t want to get off the lift so what does he do? Pushes me off. Down a mountain. I was four. I have vivid memory of busting my face. But hey guess what, now I\u2019m an excellent skier. Whenever I go, I have this record of never falling. I always m"}
618{"doxdata": "I went swimming once I don\u2019t know why but I was like doing that thing kids do like \u201cLOOK DAD, wATCH ME SWIM ALL THE WAY FROM HERE TO HERE WOW IM SO GOOD AT SWIMMING\u201d thing. I was like 7 idk. And I told him. LET ME KNOW WHEN I GET CLOSE TO THE WALL. So i don\u2019t bust my face on it.\u00a0"}
619{"doxdata": "Also let us know if you prefer vegan taco or vegan hamburger/hot dog, and if you have any food allergies.\u00a0"}
620{"doxdata": "After getting lit, we will all go swimming and hot tubbing.\u00a0"}
621{"doxdata": "After that, we will all go to the beach, and then a provided luxury limo will escort you all and your luggage to the air port to go home.\u00a0"}
622{"doxdata": "but on the ocean there are life guards on duty till dark"}
623{"doxdata": "I do and have done volunteer work like that through out my life, i just don\u2019t sit online telling everyone about it because it just doesn\u2019t come to mind to. All through out the time i was in Mexico especially is when i did a lot.\u00a0"}
624{"doxdata": "I rate it zero degrees Celsius\u00a0"}
625{"doxdata": "https://www.boredpanda.com/starbucks-china-merchandise-summer-collection-2019/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic"}
626{"doxdata": "there's even boxes for, pet gear, snacks and meals, and bras and underwear, jewelry, and clothes, which I don't like because I'm *super* particular about my undergarments lol ? probably because I have an ass, and most things don't fit on the ass. but yeah anyways.\u00a0"}
627{"doxdata": "This game is so addictive that when i was living in mexico and didn\u2019t have my game anymore, I had it shipped across the fing country and paid for international shipping just so i could play it.\u00a0"}
628{"doxdata": "like they have more fossils and fish and shit than they do characters in the game. Oh and also they allow u to go swimming but in order to get to the island you have to wait for this stupid guys o show up on the dock and it shouldn\u2019t be like that. Let us go to the island and just swim there idgaf. Lol\u00a0"}
629{"doxdata": "I guess it\u2019s a very American way of having \u201ctea and crumpets\u201d\u00a0"}
630{"doxdata": "Well you hit the nail on the head, Florida is my home town"}
631{"doxdata": "but my parents are Mississippi southern, so yeah I\u2019m a real white cracker.\u00a0"}
632{"doxdata": "was an American military officer who was the first prominent general of the Confederate States Army during the American Civil War. Today, he is commonly referred to as P. G. T. Beauregard, but he rarely used his first name as an adult. He signed correspondence as G. T. Beauregard."}
633{"doxdata": "Following his military career, Beauregard returned to New Orleans Louisiana, where he advocated for black civil rights and black suffrage, served as a railroad executive, and became wealthy as a promoter of the Louisiana Lottery."}
634{"doxdata": "my mom named him, she lived in a France for a long time and so she has an affinity for French things, and most of my family originates out of New Orleans Louisiana- where French is the predominate influence on language and culture historically.\u00a0"}
635{"doxdata": "when I first came home from the hospital, it was difficult for me to even be in a room of people that weren't calm, quiet and sedentary- it was difficult for me to even go to a store, much less, just down the hall from my room in a mental hopsital- to a cafeteria in the same fucking building. something about *everything* was overwhelming. I couldn't even handle, the news. I couldn't handle watching a movie, with violence in it. Or even the mention, of the word suicide, or kill, murder etc. And my family had to *avoid* saying these words, or talking about \"difficult\" topics in front of me. Because it would send me into a full blown panic attack. A noisy restaurant, a busy street. Was too much for me.\u00a0"}
636{"doxdata": "And then the physical aspect. It was 900 degrees. It's summer, it's Florida, it's July. It's noon. And I walked around in that heat, *all day.* by the end of it, my entire body hurt from head to toe, because we were on our feet the entire time.\u00a0"}
637{"doxdata": "Just, none of this is really my style of travel. My mom is the adventurous type and wants to do \"all the things\" she is very high energy, fast paced, and also very attention deficit like a 5 year old like \"LETS DO THIS OHHH LETS DO THIS LETS DO THIS YEAH LETS GOO WEOOOHOOO\" and wants to surf and zip line and sky dive and race cars and throw bottle rockets and climb a mountain and canoe across the Mississippi River and then fly a fighter jet and do loop die \u00a0loops and then drive a Ferarri and then go water skiing and then get in a helicopter and then fucking go to the moon\u00a0"}
638{"doxdata": "Me. I can't even handle a bus ride. I can't even run. I have asthma. lol\u00a0"}
639{"doxdata": "And I just couldn't do that. Lol. I could barely handle the bus tour. And then we went and watched this movie in like a huge cinema dome thing, and I *hate* those things. they really send me over the edge because I get really disoriented and once again,\u00a0"}
640{"doxdata": "idk. And then then the people on the VIP bus were being straight up ass holes. They were all really like posh people from all over the world. well, mainly just Europeans. Yeah.\u00a0"}
641{"doxdata": "But yeah um, like the entire day I was just getting kind of shat on. idk why it was just me too. Like things were already hard enough and then the universe also had to shit on me. Like there were tourists who don't know what walking is and were just like flying straight into me, and I was looking around not paying attention but they just literally creamed right through me or clipped me and that shit hurt like I'm not a big person lol. and these people were big because they're like fucking giant germans and shit and they just like bulldozed straight through me basically. at one point, someone on the bus had no consideration for me standing behind them, stood up to get something from the storage above, a very heavy bag- and just wacked me in the head with it. and I said, \"ow\" like pretty loud. assuming they'd turn around and realize I was there and go \"oh sorry id didn't see you!\" but there was none of that. it was like, \"get out of my way ass hole\" lol (anther German person btw lol)\u00a0"}
642{"doxdata": "so I'm realizing that people from other places don't have the same concept of personal space or like \"culturally developed societal norms and etiquette\" as like Americans do... their concept is very different. it's like, if you're in my way, I'm allowed to hit you very hard. and I'm also going to walk really fast and cut you off and get in your way a lot because its every man for themselves and I'm the winner. kind of mentality. very robust and fast paced and competitive like very hostile almost approach to just, walking. I don't know what is wrong with them.\u00a0"}
643{"doxdata": "I'm having the hardest day ever and this woman come screams at me. I just didn't even say anything. everyone in the bus was looking at her like \"ass hole\" lol. I looked over at my mom and this guy from like Vienna Italy next to her was even making the same face as her. just like raised eyebrows you know kind of in shock that someone would be so rude to a random stranger. you know.\u00a0"}
644{"doxdata": "shortly after I went on a beach vacation and I remember playing nirvana songs during the vacation and looking out on the ocean and singing them\u00a0"}
645{"doxdata": "It is mainly for Americans because there are a lot of them and they have more money than most people in other countries,"}
646{"doxdata": "but it will also be targeted to people in the middle east who have oil money and people who follow Islam. This is for both the app and charity portions."}
647{"doxdata": "There is oil money in more places than just the Middle East XD But ok, your target is basically everyone all ages, all nationalities?\u00a0"}
648{"doxdata": "You're thinking large, I get it. You want to recruit all over, but most software companies that start out developing apps as a team are usually quite small just a handful of paid employees working together on an app that's recieved investment funding and an overhead financial manager of sorts- and then the techies just work for about 2 years in a little office space in California developing the fuck out of this app before it's released, and then whatever you invest, you profit off of that depending on how well the app does.\u00a0"}
649{"doxdata": "it's like a seed inside you and once it's there it grows into a big ass tree : )\u00a0"}
650{"doxdata": "but yeah even if u cut the tree down the roots don't just magically go away\u00a0"}
651{"doxdata": "because I was experiencing burn out/ a slight mental breakdown from stress lmfao my mom had me running around in this film that was being filmed in New Orleans (I was working on two at the same time) and jus tweeting with agents and managers left and right, while still submitting auditions on the side which took a lot of work- while I was still in school, and had just been put through the ringer to win this stupid pageant (not my first go, it took several tries- so I was really burnt out- a lot of work goes into trying to win those things).\u00a0"}
652{"doxdata": "and this all over the phone btw, we aren't even in the same state and she's managing all of my travels and shit from afar and im doing all my schoolwork from afar on my own, traveling around to different states on my own, living in New Orleans and going to film sets at 4am on my own, and then after we would film- it'd be like 3am by the time you get home because you have to go out with the people afterward because if you don't go then you're weird and they think you don't like them!!!!!!!!!! and so I was working all day long and then sleeping none and literally didn't even have time to shower.\u00a0"}
653{"doxdata": "I don't know why but I had it in my head when I was 19 and living in France that I had this strange dream of opening a bakery in France\u00a0"}
654{"doxdata": "it is, an I quote, 111 degree heat index today\u00a0"}
655{"doxdata": "in the sunshine HELL we like to call Florida\u00a0"}
656{"doxdata": "and then I get in my car, I have a temperature gauge telling me it's 85 degrees.\u00a0"}
657{"doxdata": "the temperature is so high, that it's actually *dangerous* to go outside and they're telling everyone (especially the elderly and people with health conditions, and poor health) to stay INSIDE.\u00a0"}
658{"doxdata": "people are drinking- yes, alcohol. they're on the beach all day getting burnt to a lobster crisp.\u00a0"}
659{"doxdata": "and then they go out in the water, and have heat strokes and drown out there.\u00a0"}
660{"doxdata": "or they're just having heart attacks and heat strokes right on the beach.\u00a0"}
661{"doxdata": "\u00a0florida has done me so dirty im breaking up with him"}
662{"doxdata": "I have a cousin that is half Japanese and looks *exactly* like Ezra Miller\u00a0"}
663{"doxdata": " Their sulfur face mask is a really quick fix. It works immediately to reduce the size and redness of acne and tones it all down, eradicates it. Using this consistently for a few days will literally erase the acne from your face. It's magic. This is the most acne-changing face mask I've ever seen or tried, that actually *works* It also leaves the skin looking very bright and even toned, glowing for the gods. Which is a nice plus. No filter kind of life."}
664{"doxdata": "im on the third week cold turkey so obviously you're going to notice some like, minor blips of instability- like agitation. but this is just the withdrawal and my mind getting used to regulating itself and its own emotions and serotonin again. with the meds I felt a lot less so there was less to regulate. I also think that going cold turkey is causing like the agitation so its making me a little bit less patient and calm at times than I normally would be but it will pass.\u00a0"}
665{"doxdata": "The following is a letter from Leslie Knope, who works for the U.S. Department of the Interior, Midwest Branch, in her hometown of Pawnee, Indiana. She believes that optimism defeats pessimism, and asks that if you have the means, you kindly make a donation to the ACLU, the International Rescue Committee, or the charity of your choice, to help the country and those most in need."}
666{"doxdata": "Except you don\u2019t, because before we voted, Greg Laresque asked if he could nominate a third candidate, and Mrs. Kolphner said \u201cSure! The essence of democracy is that everyone\u2014\u201d and Greg cut her off and said \u201cI nominate a T. rex named Dr. Farts who wears sunglasses and plays the saxophone, and his plan is to fart as much as possible and eat all the teachers,\u201d and everyone laughed, and before Mrs. Kolphner could blink, Dr. Farts the T. rex had been elected President of Pawnee Elementary School in a 1984 Reagan-esque landslide, with my one vote for Greenie the Tortoise playing the role of \u201cMinnesota.\u201d\u00a0"}
667{"doxdata": "Winston Churchill once said, \u201cDemocracy is the worst form of government, except all those other forms that have been tried.\u201d That is perhaps a pithier and better way to get my point across, than that long anecdote about Mrs. Kolphner. Should I just erase all of that and start with this? Whatever. I\u2019m pot-committed now, and is there extra caffeine in that hot chocolate? Because my head feels like a spaceship. The point is: people making their own decisions is, on balance, better than an autocrat making decisions for them. It\u2019s just that sometimes those decisions are bad, or self-defeating, or maddening, and a day where you get dressed up in your best victory pantsuit and spend an ungodly amount of money decorating your house with American flags and custom-made cardboard-cutouts of suffragettes in anticipation of a glass-ceiling-shattering historical milestone ends with you getting (metaphorically) eaten by a giant farting T. rex.\u00a0"}
668{"doxdata": "Like most people, I deal with tragedy by processing the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. My denial over the election results was intense. My anger was (in Ron\u2019s words) \u201csignificant.\u201d My bargaining was short, but creative \u2014\u00a0I offered my soul and the souls of all of my friends in exchange for 60,000 more votes in Milwaukee, to any demon who cared to accept. (Tom told me it was a terrible deal, but I didn\u2019t care, in that moment.) My depression I have already mentioned. Which brings us to Acceptance.\u00a0 And here\u2019s where\u00a0I stand on that:"}
669{"doxdata": "\u00a0And you will likely cave again in the future. Be prepared to dust yourself off occasionally, there is no shame in falling if you manage to get back up."}
670{"doxdata": "\u00a0exactly quit being so dramatic about it addicts relapse stop giving it so much power dust yourself off and literally strategize and move forward\u00a0"}
671{"doxdata": "how ridiculous I feel in a bikini on the beach\u00a0"}
672{"doxdata": "and im the kind of person who enjoys turning all the light out, home alone, while heavy storms and darkness outside, and watching scary movies about murder and shit\u00a0"}
673{"doxdata": "imagine how Florida feels.\u00a0"}
674{"doxdata": "A lot of things I'm doing for the first time. Like the other day I got my hair done. For the first time in six years. And the only reason it wasn't longer, is because when I was in Mexico I got my dreads taken out professionally. "}
675{"doxdata": "I personally feel that, the way that they babies are aborted is inhumane and cruel. And weather you want to believe it is a life, a human being, or not- it's just unfair the way the procedure is done. I think it's completely unethical.\u00a0"}
676{"doxdata": "I think just like you are given a drivers license and a car, you are legally responsible for what you do with that car, you are legally responsible to drive within legal limitations and, under insurance, and with a drivers license.\u00a0"}
677{"doxdata": "Eat my tree limbs\u00a0"}
678{"doxdata": "this is what my friends IRL are like. these are the kind of people I belonged to most growing up, and surrounded myself with. this is the group of people I met my crazy boyfriend in and wound up going to Mexico and traveling all over with.\u00a0"}
679{"doxdata": "Being just five pounds over weight puts raises you at a higher risk for heart disease. The leading cause of heart disease is- bacon. The second, is stress. Not just mental stress, but physiological stress the body can undergo from having an imbalanced system. For example eating every hour, would put extra stress on your digestive system and cause it to be overworked. This puts a strain on your body, and will result in fatigue as it expends all its extra energy constantly working on all the food you're eating constantly.\u00a0"}
680{"doxdata": "become an Uber/lyft driver\u00a0"}
681{"doxdata": "u can sell scrap/junk metal for money, even cans. Gold. Jewelry anything metal basicallly has value. People go looking for it in dumpsters, junk wash machines, junk car parts, junk old microwaves things like that.\u00a0"}
682{"doxdata": "It shouldn\u2019t be too hard to find a job if you are an able bodied young male speaks good English and no criminal record. Blue collar work hires fast. Labor jobs often dont care about drug testing, like tree trimmers. Or go for temp agencies. Warehouses. Like amazon.\u00a0"}
683{"doxdata": "Baby sitting. Life guarding. Swim lessons. Day care services. Hair salons.\u00a0"}
684{"doxdata": "stealing tires off of cars. High high value. Or rims, and the little symbols mounted on the dash... like a Mercedes symbol. They do that a lot in mexico. Like literally you leave your car in a gas station parking lot in a rural area, you go in, come back out- tires are gone. They do it quick.\u00a0"}
685{"doxdata": "also if you take gold to Mexico or other countries it\u2019s ya technically illegal but if you sell it there it\u2019s worth more there than it is here and you basically profit\u00a0"}
686{"doxdata": "\u00a0New Zealand will actually pay people to come work and live there because they desperately want people who have skills \u00a0 \u00a0And the cost-of-living is very cheap so it\u2019s like a good plan if you really have nothing \u00a0"}
687{"doxdata": "\u00a0 Rural areas in America I know have programs that will basically pay you money to come work as a teacher or a doctor or certain skills because they\u2019re so desperate to have people come work there with good skills \u00a0The cost-of-living is also very cheap in these areas\u00a0"}
688{"doxdata": "truck drivers make a ton of money\u00a0"}
689{"doxdata": "\u00a0Yoga instructor or teaching \u00a0English and foreign countries teaching swimming lessons tutoring things like that\u00a0"}
690{"doxdata": "\u00a0there\u2019s this chick that teaches like paddle boarding lessons in my area and she used to work in my school but then she quit her job because she can support her self literally just paddle boarding around on the lake \u00a0"}
691{"doxdata": "New York people make money just delivering packages on their bikes to people because the car form of delivering things takes too long you know also you can just be like a grocery delivery in person or a taxi driver type person \u00a0Drive limos\u00a0"}
692{"doxdata": "Start growing palm trees they sell for 50k a pop\u00a0"}
693{"doxdata": "my biggest pet peeves are yogurt and cottage cheese. you won't catch me dead eating yogurt I detest it"}
694{"doxdata": "even milk chocolate or an ice cream cone is a very bad decision\u00a0"}
695{"doxdata": "But I'm just so over these lengthy discussions where I have to \"pitch\" myself to them like a business meeting, and prove to them I'm capable and prove to them I'm enough and worthy etc. It's exhausting and they're highly highly critical, highly doubtful of me, but at the same time place such expectations and so much weight on me.\u00a0"}
696{"doxdata": "I haven't told them but, I'm making it seem like I'm working toward a certain goal- but in reality that goal is a lie, and I'm just doing all of this to be in the financial place to buy a house in California and move away- and put a restraining order on them. Block them from my life, and cut all ties.\u00a0"}
697{"doxdata": "I dreamt I was in the future, not too different from now, just maybe a few centuries ahead at the very most. And someone was giving me the grand tour, a dream guide if you will. This person showed me that the police were using high speed drones with excellent stable cameras on them, to assist with enforcing the law. AKA \"catch bad guys\"... rather than police chases, they just had these drones- small enough to fit in your pocket, that made a flickering noise when it started to fly- sort of like the little \"flying ball thing\" from Harry Potter they used to play that magical sport with. The device was a \"smart\" device, it had autonomous conscious thought, critical thinking and reasoning skills, essentially programmed AI to better track detect and follow criminals who've just committed crimes. It could find, and follow anyone. It knows when you are breaking the law. It was on the back of every vehicle, just under the license plate.\u00a0"}
698{"doxdata": "The dream guide showed me the device in action, on its own. Without being told, it recognized that a vehicle was in a crash, and immediately flew vertically straight up into the air, and then forward- following the vehicle that was trying to \"run\" from the scene- a federal offense. It flew fast enough that it had no problem keeping up with the vehicle, and it just hovered above it following it into the distance, logging the drivers information and keeping it on file to be used for the arrest. It also video tapes the entire thing in utmost clarity, and the video footage itself is live streamable with 24/7 access.\u00a0"}
699{"doxdata": "CIA experiment: florida\u00a0"}
700{"doxdata": "oh and fire meets ice transitioned to male\u00a0"}
701{"doxdata": "the corruption in the world is so disgusting to me that I dream every night of murder and terrifying things.\u00a0"}
702{"doxdata": "we have the ability to improve so many issues but instead are holding ourselves back. transportation. the use of unsustainable fuels. mass industrialism harming the atmosphere the oceans and our environment as a hole including contributing to global warming. in Germany recycling is mandatory, and in some countries they are disposing of waste in eco friendly ways- but America has completely dropped the ball. we're too busy fighting to come together and work together as one world. killing each other and sending home our own people in body bags. the homeless are dying in the street and being swept away by street cleaners, riddled with aids and hepatitis. the heroin epidemic is at an all time high- even though we consider the 70's to be the most blatantly drug riddled generation it's not them, it's ours and we are so asleep we're not even awake to that fact. the education system has failed our country in many areas and left us filled with ignorant people who aren't competent enough to think independly or freely for a long enough period of time in a complex enough manner to realize they are being brain washed, fooled, the wool pulled over their eyes, manipulated, and controlled.\u00a0"}
703{"doxdata": "stop eating animals. you're consuming toxic waste from the ocean and mercury in fish. mercury builds in the body over time and results in brain damage. hormones from meat and milk products. if they aren't grass-fed, it's even worse for you.\u00a0"}
704{"doxdata": "there is an asteroid the size of Texas (literally) approaching the earth (hurdling, at us, rather) and it has a 50 percent chance of getting caught our gravitational pull, and if it does, hit us it will not only cause tsunamis, volcanic eruption, earth quakes- it will result in a shifting of the earths axis and sent us into an ice age- resulting in mass starvation, power outage, and essentially, freezing to death- and the sun will be blocked out from ash- making it impossible to breath- from lack of clean oxygen. aka, we're all going to die. literally. NASA is making efforts to potentially break up the asteroid into pieces, but this type of landing has not been done before with unmanned technology going at this speed. the robotic explosive devices have to land with perfect precision on an object that is moving extremely fast in the opposite direction of the inertia of the devices of themselves, and the platform that it has to land on is not smooth or ideal for landing. this type of \"mission\" has never been accomplished or seen in our history and is considered very much so, \"doing the impossible\"\u00a0"}
705{"doxdata": "the oceans tidal patterns are being permanently altered by global warming and antarctic ice shelves melting.\u00a0"}
706{"doxdata": "the creation of weather from \"weather machines\" by our government is causing devastating and catastrophic after effects like hurricanes and drought that kill people.\u00a0"}
707{"doxdata": "the California wild fire was staged.\u00a0"}
708{"doxdata": "there are structures, caves, made from materials that are completely heat and fire resistant and we believe were landing pads for space craft. we do not know where these materials were obtained, or how it was possible these civilizations even managed to obtain them.\u00a0"}
709{"doxdata": "there are artifacts from Egypt, model air planes. space craft blue prints.\u00a0"}
710{"doxdata": "the indication of communication with \"unearthly beings\" aka (ourselves from mars) is seen throughout history, all across the globe. everywhere. but the most blatant example I've seen was the astronaut carved into the side of a fucking mountain."}
711{"doxdata": "the garden of eden is referring to mars. some believe it's a reference to Pangea, or a place located somewhere in the Middle East for some reason.\u00a0"}
712{"doxdata": "china. the dragon is china.\u00a0"}
713{"doxdata": "-the North Korean flag\u00a0"}
714{"doxdata": "enough for the region to become a black hole (although this would be a black hole whose original mass-energy had been in the form of radiant energy rather than matter). In simpler terms, a kugelblitz is a black hole formed from radiation as opposed to matter. According to Einstein's general theory of relativity, once an event horizon has formed, the type of energy that created it no longer matters. A kugelblitz is so hot it surpasses the Planck temperature, the temperature of the universe 5.4\u00d710\u221244 seconds after The Big Bang."}
715{"doxdata": "At at first I could manage laps, and then it was reduced down to momentary spurts of running in a casual soccer game on the beach. That was the last thing I was able to do and I did that *a lot* until slowly I wasn\u2019t able to anymore.\u00a0"}
716{"doxdata": "just cranked the ac nice and cold and I\u2019m snuggling with my shiba Inu listening to calming zen stuff\u00a0"}
717{"doxdata": "I prefer swimming so that way I don't get sweaty. But if you don't have a pool, floor exercises you can find on an app, and then biking a lot are great.\u00a0"}
718{"doxdata": "When I was working out, I focused on primarily cardio building and swimming because it works every muscle in your body all at once, I feel it's most effective- without having to get all hot and sweaty. I made it my goal to just swim 30 laps. Started with 10, then 13, then 15. Etc. You work your way up really fast.\u00a0"}
719{"doxdata": "I had to be able to swim 300 yards (3 football fields) which is 30 laps in the swimming pool I had access to,\u00a0"}
720{"doxdata": "How to fix depression:Step 1: Eat a whole food plant based diet. Science has discovered inflammation is one of the leading causes of depression. Plant based (whole food plant based) reduces the most amount of inflammation, while diets including meat/dairy/egg increases inflammation through several factors. You will also get the benefit of having the only diet PROVEN to reduce and prevent heart disease as well as reducing your risks of cancer, diabetes, hypertension, Alzheimer's, MS, IBS among others. Step 2: Meditation. In 2016 and in part 2015, neuroscientists learned that meditation (and mindfulness) are as effective, in most cases more effective, then taking medication. Medication will get rid of your symptoms (Sometimes) where as meditation will cure it. Meditation allows you to control your brain waves, bringing most depressed people (who usually exhibit exclusively beta brain waves) into a more controlled state of mind. Allowing the person to almost immediately create alpha wave lengths which are associated with calmness, happiness etc. Beta wavelengths are associated with running thoughts/uncontrollable thoughts, anxiety and guess what, depression. By constantly being depressed your brain creates a \"habit\" of jumping to depressed feelings and creating neuropath ways that allow the depressed emotion to activate easily. Meditation allows you to break these habits and create new neuro pathways. Chemical imbalances are not really that \"real\", and are usually a result of inflammation or an imbalance that occurred after taking medication. I was a long time sufferer of depression. I jumped to these two things out of a last resort. I came off the meds and haven't been depressed in a very long time. The science in the last couple years only confirmed the methods that worked for me.\""}
721{"doxdata": "I went for a swim with my family, and, while normally on meds I can just enjoy the moment, enjoy swimming.\u00a0"}
722{"doxdata": "It just sort of starts to feel like, you'r out running it and. It can be exhausting.\u00a0"}
723{"doxdata": "And then it catches up with you and you have to what- swim your way out again?\u00a0"}
724{"doxdata": "enough for the region to become a black hole (although this would be a black hole whose original mass-energy had been in the form of radiant energy rather than matter). In simpler terms, a kugelblitz is a black hole formed from radiation as opposed to matter. According to Einstein's general theory of relativity, once an event horizon has formed, the type of energy that created it no longer matters. A kugelblitz is so hot it surpasses the Planck temperature, the temperature of the universe 5.4\u00d710\u221244 seconds after The Big Bang."}
725{"doxdata": "This has led to the rise of a new irrationalism, in which matters of fact and evidence can be swept aside in favour of a politics of identity elevated as the determining principle in disputes between competing moral perspectives. Just as within nineteenth century European society, as Nietzsche argued, Christianity exercised hegemony on the basis of authoritarian structures enforcing a morality which society internalised as the natural order of things, postmodernism has achieved a similar hegemony by virtue of backing up its strictures with laws and regulations which carry stringent penalties, and ensuring that its point of view is taught in educational institutions, often even to the exclusion of parental rights to assert an alternative position."}
726{"doxdata": "This New York Times bestseller is a myth-shattering exploration of the powerful connections between mental illness and leadership. Historians have long puzzled over the apparent mental instability of great and terrible leaders alike: Napoleon, Lincoln, Churchill, Hitler, and others. In A First-Rate Madness, Nassir Ghaemi, director of the Mood Disorders Programme at Tufts Medical Center, offers and sets forth a controversial, compelling thesis: the very qualities that mark those with mood disorders also make for the best leaders in times of crisis. From the importance of Lincoln's \"depressive realism\" to the lacklustre leadership of exceedingly sane men as Neville Chamberlain, A First-Rate Madness overturns many of our most cherished perceptions about greatness and the mind."}
727{"doxdata": "I also decided to go to a concert with one of my side hoe, oh yes- I decided to cheat on the love of my life with another girl rather than talking about our issues or any of my issues. I had such issues going on. And this is how I dealt with it. SO smart. And I decided to go to a concert- with her, causing me to miss a biology exam.\u00a0"}
728{"doxdata": "I also am unsubscribing from Ikea and Walmart. It's over rated and not a good investment with your money it's just a cheap option for people who struggle to make ends meet for the time being.\u00a0"}
729{"doxdata": "3/4th coffee (NOT COLD BREW, NOT NITRO BREW) no COLD FOAM ONTOP no ESPRESSO SHOTS\u00a0"}
730{"doxdata": "just plain, coffee. Fill the cup with ice. Not THREE ice CUBES. Not 9,800 ICE CUBES SO THAT MY DRINK IS SO FULL IT\u2019S SPILLING THROUGH THE LID.\u00a0"}
731{"doxdata": "REMAKE THE MOTHER FUCKING DRINK. There is like .00005 splash of soy milk and literally 2 ice cubes. ReMAKE THE MOTHER FUCKING DRINK.\u00a0"}
732{"doxdata": "A youtube Vlogging couple- who vlogs most of their lives for profit on the internet, are looking to move to the country to \"get away\" from the stressful busy streets of inner city Portland.\u00a0"}
733{"doxdata": "Deep into the valleys of Oregon, an adventure awaits for them, which they will catch all on tape.\u00a0"}
734{"doxdata": "-setting, Miami Florida, mid-summer, 130 degrees, the hot sun baking everyone alive-\u00a0"}
735{"doxdata": "Then she gets back in her car and drives away giving me this menacing look, without taking any of my information. She never filed any police report or insurance claims.\u00a0"}
736{"doxdata": "The setting was 1925, London. He tipped his fedora, at a lady who danced like fine wine, across the street. Her shiny heels made love with the cobblestone as the rain above her drowned the city. Carriages drawn by horses, smokers and shoe shiners, but most importantly, the man who watched above it all- standing in a window just a couple stories up. A hole in the wall hotel with stale bread and wooden shutters, served as the look out tower that cradled many strangers, always left empty, and the next one to come just as curious.\u00a0"}
737{"doxdata": "That this morning she in fact was actually claiming that her pancakes, which she *claimed* she would take a picture of, are the best pancakes on SC???\u00a0"}
738{"doxdata": "Here we go again Delora. I\u2019ll have you know, just because you say something doesn\u2019t make it true. And you yet, in fact are lying again. And also challenging the status, of me, blanc- the best pancake making champion of SC reigning world champion (copyrighted 2006) Olympian 5 time winning pancake making award winning pancake maker\u00a0"}
739{"doxdata": "\u00a0on the old SC I never had to re-sign in even if I x'd out of the thing and came back the next day it remained signs din on my computer\u00a0"}
740{"doxdata": "evening swim 3 football fields\u00a0"}
741{"doxdata": "My mom is a business woman and she taught me growing up, a repeated catch phrase, \"Never underestimate the taste of the American public\"\u00a0"}
742{"doxdata": "Shutter Island\u00a0"}
743{"doxdata": "Ex Machina\u00a0"}
744{"doxdata": "The Wolf of Wall Street\u00a0"}
745{"doxdata": "American Psycho\u00a0"}
746{"doxdata": "American Sniper\u00a0"}
747{"doxdata": "It\u2019s been taken care of really well though, not banged out so all its internal pieces and parts are in tact you\u2019re not going to find something missing or broken with it. It\u2019s not got a scratch on it externally. The tuner\u2019s are all working just as they should and the neck hasn\u2019t been warped by improper carrying/storage or temperature damage.\u00a0"}
748{"doxdata": "\"Ever hear the saying that drinking beer before wine can reduce hangover symptoms? It's just a myth, according to a small randomized study published Feb. 1, 2019, in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Researchers found out by dividing 90 men and women (ages 19 to 40) into four groups. One group drank beer first, and then wine; another group drank wine first, and then beer; and the last two groups drank only beer or only wine. All of the participants drank until they were intoxicated (measured by a breath test), and then rated their hangover symptoms (like headache and nausea) on the day after drinking. The process was repeated a week later, but this time the beer-first group drank wine first; the wine-first group drank beer first; the wine-only group drank only beer; and the beer-only group drank only wine. The results: everyone experienced hangovers, no matter what they drank or the order in which they drank it. The strongest predictors for hangover intensity were perceived drunkenness and vomiting. The bottom line: Drinking too much is unhealthy for anyone. If you drink at all, drink in moderation. That means no more than one drink per day for women, no more than two drinks per day for men.\""}
749{"doxdata": "And erodes mountains\u00a0"}
750
751Ok so, she obviously lives in or near Miami Fl.
752  ---------------------------------------------------
753
754
755
756# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
757import scrapy
758
759#This is my Spambot for SC, he is called SCpammer.
760
761class ScpammerSpider(scrapy.Spider):
762 name = 'SCpammer'
763 allowed_domains = ['sociopathcommunity.com']
764 start_urls = ["http://sociopathcommunity.com/Account/Login"]
765
766#So first it gets the login page
767
768 def parse(self, response):
769   yield scrapy.FormRequest.from_response(response, formxpath = '//form[@action="/Account/Login"]' , formdata={'Username': 'Palasalt', 'Password': ''} , clickdata = {'id': 'logInSubmit', 'type': 'submit'}, callback=self.logged_in)
770 
771 #Then it actually logs you in. insert your login #credentials in the Username and Password fields.
772
773 def logged_in(self, response):
774   for href in response.xpath('//a[@class="topic-link"]/@href').getall():
775     yield scrapy.Request(response.urljoin(href) , callback=self.topicparse)
776   nextpage = response.xpath('//span[@class="inner-button glyphicon glyphicon glyphicon-forward"]/parent::a[@class="btn main-button page-button page-backward"]/@href').get()
777   if nextpage is not None:
778    yield scrapy.Request(response.urljoin(nextpage), callback=self.logged_in)
779 
780#This gets you to all the topics to spam after login
781 
782 def topicparse(self, response):
783  topicid = response.xpath('//input[@name="TopicId"]/@value').get
784  yield scrapy.FormRequest.from_response(response, formname=None, formid=None, formnumber=0, formdata={'Title': 'The god Palasalt speaks.' , 'Content': 'Palasalt is your God, beware his power.' } , formxpath=('//form[@action="/Forum/NewPost"]') , formcss=None, clickdata={'type': 'submit' , 'class': 'btn main-button'}, dont_click=False)
785  
786#This does the actual spamming.