71LsS2qw

1thanos, new snap,
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3when I receive tik-tok ads repeat until life equals zero broadcast stop breathing, die,
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5since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis,
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7simple geometry, pentagon, hexagon, octagon, oregon,
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9snakes, uses venom to kill prey to eat, humans, uses venom to create anti-venom, snakes, excuse me what the fuck,
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11mein kampf PDF but chill I gotta read it for school, UK police, nice save bro go ahead,
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13imagine if pee was another color besides red, 10 questions science still can’t answer,
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15I been in school since I was 4, I am tired,
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17tiger the best golfer again and wayne giving us bars like it’s 0 7 I could honestly cry,
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19Hi I’m john and I’m a gambling addict, I’ve spent over 600 million dollars over the past 10 years only on casinos, no you haven’t, wanna bet,
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21store closes near october, spirit halloween,
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23when she’s not from your ends, I have used urban dictionary 4 times since texting you now,
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25eggplants are just gay cucumbers,
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27clark Kent, sets glasses on kitchen table, lois lane, is that our table, I don’t recognize it,
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29today in math class I had the urge to fart, I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time nobody would hear it, I dropped my textbook everyone looked at me then I farted, loudly, ping, 398 MS,
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31help him get his honey, he has been a naughty bear, no honey, do you think this is a game,
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33when you go to a halloween party dressed as the hulk but people say they like your shrek costume, didn’t expect that reaction but that’s ok,
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35lmao nice hacks, how many chromosomes do you have, more than you for sure, self destruction 100,
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37Wow I can’t believe kids are doing fortnite dances in public, gangnam style,
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39you’re such a special friend, I love you, I’m your best bud I like to have fun,
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41use photoshop to make a meeme, drake disapproves, describe a meeme in messenger, drake approves,
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43it’s finally october that means michael buble is defrosting as we speak,
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45is it weird how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how weird it is,
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47going to college, making shitty shitty music, soundcloud rappers,
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49police door key, 199 pounds, open to offers could do with selling quickly, preston police left this at my house about 30 minutes ago so I thought I’d sell it to pay for my door,
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51when your neighbor asks you what are those screams coming from your basement, miss puff, don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to handle the answers to,
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53save a fortune in christmas presents by falling out with friends and family, lay the groundwork now so it doesn’t look like it’s about presents,
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55fourth grade niggas when their teacher leaves the classroom for 3 seconds, the way I see it we can do whatever we want,
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57atheist friend, what convinced you to become a christian, me, 1 jesus versus 24,000 satans, ultimate epic battle simulator,
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59gender neutral restroom, ah yes the three genders, females males and wheelchair racers,
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61when your parent gets mad at you for characteristics slash behaviors you got from them,
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63security robot given the gift of intelligence chooses to drown itself, detroit become human,
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65moth, first time seeing firefly no fucking way,
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67july fourth 1776, british, just saying you’re independent doesn’t make it true, thomas jefferson, I didn’t say it, I declared it,
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69squirrels are just tennis balls thrown by god,
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71government, drugs are bad and should be illegal, alcohol,
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73I assume that a columbus day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want,
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75things I used to laugh at, actual jokes, things I laugh at now, welcome,
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77what’s the fastest cure to a hangover, discovering that you lost your phone,
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79whoever keeps texting me this fuck you,
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81lmao they turned spongebob into a real thing,
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83when my friend clicks on 5 false download buttons while torrenting, you are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve heard of,
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85last thing an ice cube sees before you kick it under the fridge,
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87when you find out that the biggest fortnite streamer is married, this is beyond science,
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89this kid that pooped his pants in high school posted some racist shit on facebook and all I had to say was hey, didn’t you poop your pants in high school for him to delete it,
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91that’s a nice kitchen drawer you’re about to open there, be a shame if something were to, prevent that entirely,
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93colgate, one out of ten dentists,
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95uluwu, I should break your fucking legs,
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97my body is a wonderbread,
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99when the teacher asks who’s presenting next,
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101today an old guy told me I was part of what’s wrong with america when I used apple pay on my watch to pay for my starbucks order, so I paid for his order too lol,
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103a group of students playing hide and seek in the harris fine arts center at 11 PM caused a faculty member to call the university police, the police arrived but were not able to find any of the students,
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105work till you can afford a giraffe,
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107we killed spooktober and calcium meemes in one week nice work,
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109voicing your political opinions on social media, you will immediately killed by this action, proceed, accept,
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111her, he’s probably thinking about other girls, him, magenta,
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113patiently wait for my food to cool off, burn my fucking mouth,
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115spooky meemes will always die before halloween if we start posting october first,
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117cringy tic tok ads, ad block, me,
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119I had two very attractive sims and they had a baby, but the kid was hideous so I had it taken away, then they had a daughter and she was beautiful, but once she started school she brought a friend home, it was the first kid,
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121when you want to watch a 10 minute youtube video without any disturbance, allow us to introduce ourselves,
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123when you catch your son doing a fortnite dance and later that night catch him having sex with a girl, this is beyond science,
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125is halloween getting too sexy for kids, 
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127rich people like to live in houses that look like counter strike maps,
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12969 today, love ya mum, I really hope it’s her birthday,
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131me flying my quadline kite and getting blown away while my friends are no help, the cameraman was doing his job excellently,
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133woman who marries herself then cheats on herself and blames it on men,
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135when you get thirsty after your 10 minute jog but you forgot to bring water, man versus wild,
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137migraine, no, superglue,
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139baby boomers, millennials are what’s ruining america, millenials, gen z is the dumbest generation and are ruining america, gen z, oof shots fired that some hot tea, yeets away,
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141I swear, I parked my bike here last night, hey hey listen, my mom can handle this, where was it last night, it was here, what’s that,
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143honey, come quick, baby yoshi just falsified his first tax return,
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145hawaiian, lol, english, I do not value our time together and think you are rather boring so to end a conversation I would not like to start have this petty reaction that should keep you satisfied whilst it’s taken me no effort to write it,
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147meeme I worked on for hours, a fucking skull picture,
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149when you finally meet your online girlfriend, ah I see you’re a man as well,
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151this is really my mom’s contacts in her phone, how many susans does she know, how does she know which susan to call, I really am concerned,
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153monday 9 AM, eating super healthy this week, monday 4 PM, who have cookie for me, 
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155when a math problem has 666 on it, hail satan,
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157harry these muggle games are so fun, ron look, my pokemon is evolving, from abra to kadabra,
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159me, everyone else at the party, meemes,
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1614 worst people in the world, 4, stalin, 3, kizer wilhelm, 2, hitler, 1, the motherfucker who made it so ketchup bottles shoot water all over your hotdog after shaking it to make sure it doesn’t shoot water all over your hotdog,
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163space salami, the first ever salami launched to space italy october fourth 2018, history has been made boys,
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165one kilogram of steel, one kilogram of feathers,
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167there’s a fucken pillow pet outside,
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169when you touch wet food in the sink,
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171when you pull out a USB without safely ejecting it, they called me a mad man,
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173spider chip cookies, use a toothpick to draw legs while the chocolate chips are still warm, thanks satan,
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175I, I, she’s about to say her first words, I like butter,
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177me, my family concerned for my wellbeing and health, cooking portions of pasta that can feed a family of 50,
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179theater kid, wow I wish every movie was a musical, the entire nation of india,
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181me accepting a friend request on facebook, some guy I went to high school with, pyramid scheme pitch,
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183what’s weird, the way you spelt weird, just joking bro, trying to cover it up,
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185angry fookin fighter costume for baby,
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187when your child is being difficult after you shower him,
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189thanks walmart love my new rug, soft artificial sheepskin rug chair cover artificial wool warm hairy carpet white,
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191how it works, airzooka is the fun gun that blows a harmless ball of air at any target, just point and shoot a ball of air and have a blast, this is the perfect fun indoor gun for family game night, can you fart into it and blow it into someone’s face from across the room, I can confirm this, I received one of these as a christmas gift while deployed, naturally it only took a few minutes for two of my soldiers to attempt firing a fart through it, the key is to have the gunner cock and hold the weapon while the loader does his thing, it took nearly two full seconds for the blast to cross the tent resulting in the major suddenly flailing his arms and yelling oh god, I got it in my mouth, 10 out of 10, best present receive that year,
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193I had to read this at work today and it’s the funniest thing ever, to all employees, it has been brought to the management’s attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees, due to complaints from some of the easily offended workers this conduct will no longer be tolerated, the management does however realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees, therefore the management has compiled the following code phrases so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue, old phrase, new phrase, no fucking way, I’m not certain that’s feasible, you’ve got to be shitting me, really, tell someone who gives a fuck, perhaps you should check with name, ask me if I give a fuck, of course I’m concerned, it’s not my fucking problem, I wasn’t involved in that project, what the fuck, interesting behavior, fuck it it won’t work, I’m not sure I can implement this, why the fuck didn’t you tell me that sooner, I’ll try to schedule that, when the fuck do you expect me to do this, perhaps I can work late, who the fuck cares, are you sure it’s a problem, he’s got his head up his ass, he’s not familiar with the problem, eat shit, you don’t say, eat shit and die, excuse me, eat shit and die motherfucker, excuse me sir or ma’am, what the fuck do they want from my life, they weren’t happy with it, kiss my ass, so you’d like my help with that,
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195but steel’s heavier than feathers, they’re both a kilogram,
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197tired of looking at bad screen can’t wait to get home and look at good screen,
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199spooky meemes, me,
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201huh, man with dogs in his pockets walking his duck which has shoes on,
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203the shelter where I adopted my cat posted this and I’m losing my mind, pasta and her noodles, mama pasta, lasagna, ravioli, ziti, penne,
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205four photos of jennifer lawrence that will make you say wait that’s not jennifer lawrence that’s iron chancellor otto von bismarck who united the german states under prussian rule,
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207why do not you print the picture, my printer,
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209kevin, hey jeff are you koalafied to be a cameraman, jeff, my career is not a joke kevin,
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211sweet jesus pooh, that’s not honey, you’re eating dextromethorphan HBR USP 15 milligrams,
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213best dick I ever got was 4 inches, size definitely doesn’t matter, hear that little buddy,
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215dear tim and moby is tomato soup just warm ketchup, from gamerboy 38,
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217me at 3 AM, the fridge,
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219when you inform mother that you would like to eat lunchables just as the other schoolchildren do at luncheon, wine infused salami with natural white cheddar cheese and toasted rounds,
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221billion suns, scientists create brightest light ever produced on earth, unimaginably strong laser beam acts like an x-ray and could be used to spot tiny fractures and tumors in the body that would otherwise be missed, flapping intensifies,
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223mum there’s a monster under my bed, it’s the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen, why do you hate me brother,
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225I’m not going to call out the white friend who did this by name but as the holidays approach just know that using goldfish as breadcrumbs for macaroni and cheese is not okay,
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227bread juice,
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229a log cabin, exists, beavers, it’s free real estate,
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231man in nebraska orders pizza for his grandma in florida to make sure she was alright after her couldn’t reach her following hurricane matthew, police and fire couldn’t do it but papa john’s got there in 30 minutes and put the cellphone to her eat, krusty krab pizza is the pizza for you and me,
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233leaked photo of nasa taking the sun down for maintenance,
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235moth meeme big laugh, presidental alert meeme kills, skeleton meeme, knocks em dead, something else, no,
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237me, ranch isn’t even that good, white people,
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239when you’re presenting in class and someone says can you speak up I can’t hear you,
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241get in loser we’re getting spaghetti,
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243when you learn that paris is the city of lights, bonjour bitch,
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245McGregor looking like he’s about to announce an IRA statement in the 80’s,
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247manager, meeting the new employee tell him how great it is to work here, me,
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249what do you want to be when you grow up, gena bumgarner, chicken nugget scientist,
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251captain, watch out, we’re headed straight for the lighthouse, fuck yeah we are,
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253teacher, today we’re learning about japanese culture, anime niggas, the expert,
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255a non-milk drinker when he falls and his pathetic bones break apart,
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257hey read any good books lately, me, meemes I ain’t seen yet,
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259you may consume 3 beans but no more, they will know if you consume more,
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261when the teacher walks up to you during an exam and looks at your paper then shouts out guys please make sure you read the questions carefully,
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263the entire class, packing up, teacher, sit yo ass down we still have 32 seconds left, the entire class,
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265how motherfuckers be during their group presentations letting that one person do all the talking,
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267my girlfriend said she needs some time and distance, is she calculating velocity,
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269jesus is crucified on the cross children’s version,
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271what if you, pray to god, but god said, I’m sleep,
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273people who sort by new, kids describe god to an illustrator,
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275we need to talk about voldemort’s penis, no we fucking don’t mate,
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277when you see the jewish hippie that you literally just crucified walking around talking to people,
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279bus driver applicant, sorry I was late, interviewer, you’re hired,
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281who I do it for, man for a sec I thought six nine was wylin lmao,