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1Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within Transcript
2now how many of you in life already live  by a belief system that says in my life  whatever happens it happens because I've  created it it's not by my physical  actions by my consistent thoughts how  many follow that say I  ah then all we're doing is asking you to  live by your own voice there's a  gentleman I have the privilege to work  with and I've worked with him now for  five years who was a financial trader  one of the top on earth in fact he made  a half a billion dollars in one day I  can't live on that but it's a good start  and there's only one man on earth that  I'm aware of it's made more money in a  day and that's the man named George  Soros who's also a financial trader who  made a billion dollars in one day but  this gentleman I work with I worked in  for five years because he made a half  billion dollars in a day and then lost  money for three years it was like the  guys that go to the moon the astronauts  go to the moon and so they look forth  their whole life they went to the moon  they came back ticker tape parade shook  the president's hand now what they got  depressed because they felt like they  had nothing to look forward to after  being on the moon see if you got to go  the moon to feel a sense of adventure  then you got a problem when you can find  adventure and a smile then you're rich  so that way you can go the moon - but  you're not waiting for the moon to have  the experience that you want and so one  of the things that I really want you to  experience while you're here is that you  gotta be want to take risks now  obviously we feel we limited the risk  the best of our ability but you got to  make the decisions because in real life  is not like real life in America real  life in America is if things don't go  your way you sue somebody you blame  somebody else real life in America is we  all know that the real reason our life  isn't perfect is cuz of our parents it  wasn't for them we do our life will be  working perfectly alright if we didn't  have to deal with all their  imperfections in fact everybody knows  now that the reason their life's not  working is that came from a particular  kind of family who kind of family is  that dysfunctional it's the word of the  90s isn't it dysfunction is released not  in the seventies it's a new word  dysfunctional everybody's from  dysfunctional family now it's not even  unique so what's interesting is  everybody's playing we live in a society  that's so out of control at this stage  that not only do you sue somebody but  also if you commit a crime at somebody  else  if you notice that that's the newest  thing it's like it's not only someone  else's fault if you screw up but if you  come in a crime someone else must have  induced that in you at one time by  abusing you were doing something  terrible to you so we have two young men  that take out shotguns remember the  Mendez brothers and then those in LA and  they killed both their parents at  point-blank range and they go to jury  trial the jury goes yeah but are they  really guilty they admit it and there's  a capital B guilty  are they really guilty it took to jury  trials that's how sad it is we live in a  society anywhere a woman gets upset with  her husband decides to take matters into  your own hands so to speak takes out a  big knife middle night and what and when  they go to the jury trial they go yeah  but is she really guilty no don't get me  wrong if he abused her I want him to pay  I want him punished but there are laws  for that fest this one woman is  responsible for more men sleeping on  their stomachs after a fight than any  woman in history and even even really  good religious folks you know I  personally am a Christian whatever be  believed I'm supportive up I hear a lot  of my Christian friends to say yeah but  you're preaching the power in you that's  not God where do you think it came from  I mean think about it it's like where do  you come from no if it's God's will then  my life will work no I Got News for You  lying on your butt watching Jerry  Springer eating Cheetos it's not gonna  make God work for you that's not it  that's called you got a fat butt as big  as Chicago that's the problem okay cuz  you aren't moving that isn't God's fault  a lot of you know the old story don't  you story about the preacher he's  traveling across the country preaching  the gospel everywhere he goes passion  man he gets to the Arizona deserts he's  out the middle of the desert and in the  distance he sees this magnificent I mean  absolutely magnificent garden he knows  that you know it's obviously not real  it's obviously a mirage but as he gets  closer it's really real he can't even  believe in the middle of this is this  magnificent garden flowers and trees and  fruit and everything so sure enough he  decides to go knock on the house there's  a house at the back of this guard he  does not  on the door because he wants to make  sure the gardener understands who  created this garden certif he bangs on  doors hard as he can he's very righteous  are enormous doors very kind man says  mr. Minister how can I help me said sir  I just want to tell you that the Lord  has been a fine job with your garden  he's very intense gardener looked at the  minister he smile and he said I  understand your message said I agree  with you he said it wasn't for the magic  of the seed and the soil and the  sunshine let me know garden here  he's a very tell you something mr.  Minister you should have seen this place  when God had it all by himself  we got to do our part right so you can't  blame anybody else got to be responsible  so tonight while you want to be  responsible it's not just be responsible  for the problem because you're gonna  have a great experience but the truth is  most people when they screw up most  people are good people they take  responsibility think I lost my fault  back sometimes they take too much  responsibility all right sometimes they  pity themselves that's not the goal the  truth is you have a great experience  tonight what you don't want it today in  the height it's go well look what he did  to me  cuz I'm not gonna do anything to you  what I will do is be a good coach for  you I like help you steer your rudder a  little bit to get you back into open  seas because learning is remembering  Socrates said that so maybe what we can  do is remember what we already know we  can give you some words may give you  some tools so you can remember what's  already inside you so you can use it  it's not a gift I'm gonna give you it's  a gift that's inside of you but you got  to take responsibility to give yourself  the credit for it too you want to make  sure you understand you're the one doing  it by working together human beings can  accomplish more than they do by  themselves cuz we coach each other  that's the essence that we're talking  about here a lot of people think that  their life would be great if you know  the weather was just would cooperate if  they had great weather does the weather  determine how you feel yes or no I'm  hearing some yeses and noes on that okay  well some people think that our  relationship determines how happy or sad  they are in their life does your  relationship determine the quality of  your life okay some people think the  amount of money you have determines the  quality of your life yes or no  hmm some people think politicians  determine the quality of life yes or no  one answer everybody agrees no now the  truth is the answer to all of these  questions in reality is no the weapon  doesn't do it your relationship doesn't  do it the money doesn't do it that's the  real answer the honest answer for most  of us emotionally as we'd probably say  yes to some of those right because we  have fallen into the trance of believing  that these external environments that  turn on how we feel are other people who  have people that totally love them great  relationships but don't feel really  happy yes or no yes or no how do people  with tons of money who are totally  unhappy yes or no are the people tons of  money you were happy sure so the money  doesn't do either one money will magnify  whatever you're already doing if you're  paying you'll have more to be a pain  with if you're loving heals more to be  loving with I him just magnify if you're  fearful you'll be even more fearful when  you got more money all right if you're  centered you'll be even more Center Paul  doesn't magnify money doesn't do it  relationship doesn't do it  only one thing determines how you feel  the way you communicate to yourself in  that moment you have a lot of money but  if you're communicating in a way that  makes you feel like you're scarcity  you're gonna feel broke you can have a  great relationship but not feel very  happy very loving if you communicate in  a way that makes yourself feel unhappy  so it's not the things in our lives  it's our communication that is the whole  ball of wax other people have been  through unbelievable physical mental  emotional spiritual financial sexual  traumas even or abuse whose lives that  turned out phenomenally well yes or no  and then you find somebody who's been  given all the love all the education all  the background all the family support  all the money all the things they  thought they want and they're a drug  addict explain the difference the  difference is that it's never the things  of your life it's always the way you  communicate it's the meaning you make up  for it and some people take all their  abundance and say I'm abused some people  take all the abuse and say boy there's a  gift in here somewhere I'm gonna find it  it's all communication your life has  nothing to do the quality of your life  has nothing to do with your real life  and that's everything to do with what  you communicate here so whether you're  really happy today or sad today what do  you feel like your life is a success or  a failure  it's not whether it's really successful  failure it's just what you communicate  and what you communicate with certainty  you believe and since you believe it you  feel it and whatever you feel that's  your life nothing in life has any  meaning except the meaning I give it  nothing in life has any meaning except  the meaning I give it what does that  mean it means well one person has an  experience and they say what does this  mean they communicate themself this  means God hates me and my life is over  because he's obviously punishing me  someone else has the exact same  experience they go what does this mean  and the brain says what this means is  God is challenging me to reach down deep  and find out who I really am so I can do  something even greater what's the  difference the difference is one person  is suicidal and the other person is  driven and excited what's the difference  communication to oneself there is not a  single skill in your lifetime that will  be more important for you to master and  there are a few people very few people  that really master it but anyone can  it's just not the primary focus because  we're busy doing other stuff thinking  that if we do enough of this other stuff  we'll finally feel good but we don't  change the way we communicate so now we  reach for a drug to make ourselves feel  good because we don't know any other way  then we get smart and go that's not  going to work so then a doctor who  really cares and means well says we'll  help you feel better we'll give you  another drug that seems like a natural  transition from one drug to another  alright but for some reason I'm still  unhappy because I haven't changed the  way I communicated myself a hundred  percent a large amount but not a hundred  percent and because I haven't changed  that I still don't have the final change  I'm after the only change that will have  an impact as changing your communication  and that means changing what things mean  because here's what all the achievers of  the world try to do all of us in this  room most of you I would say are  probably strong achievers most you have  to be an achiever to get here for god  sakes so the bottom line is most  achievers try to control events and most  achievers are pretty good at controlling  a lot of events what's happening around  them their environment what's going on  but all achievers run into places where  they can't control those events and it  freaks them out you can't control all  events you just can't you can't control  your father passing away  that's not something you control you'd  love to but you can here's what you can  always control what things mean and when  you control the meaning of something you  control the key and the secret to life  itself at least the quality of life that  you want but if you don't control this  and you keep focusing on this you got no  future because there's gonna be a lot of  these you don't like but you know what  even where you don't like you can find  an empowering meaning for and that's  when life works that's all it takes and  now it all comes down to communicating  well with yourself I mean I give you an  example look at a guy like John Belushi  this guy was beloved by millions and  millions of people and you know what he  achieved all his goals he wanted to be  funny as heck he wanted to be at  national television star he wanted a  pier and a play on Broadway he wanted to  be in movies he wanted to play music he  did all team up he wanted everybody  loved him he got tons of people loved  him he won't have a great wife he did  that too now was this guy successful yes  or no no he's dead that's called failure  not not being negative towards his name  I thought he's a great guy but you gotta  call a spade a spade  this guy was great at communicating to  whom everyone but his so he felt torn up  inside so he turned to drugs as a way to  try and change the way he felt because  he didn't change the way he communicated  to himself so now a great talent the  Great Spirit is gone  you must master your communication with  yourself contrast him for example to a  friend of mine who got shot down in  Vietnam my name is Jerry coffee he wrote  a book a few years ago known Jerry for  about 10 years  Jerry was shot down almost Top Gun guys  two of his guys shot down with him he  gets locked up for seven years beat  every day tied with shackles in a cell  that is not much wider than my body and  six feet long that's the width with  nothing to take care of his necessities  except a little hole in the ground and a  middle panel some water in it beat on a  regular basis abused on a regular basis  isolated seven years now what's  interesting is Jerry came out of that  and said as the most powerful experience  of his life he wouldn't treat those  seven years for anything else that could  happen to him you got the guys on drugs  now what he did has become a master of  his own communication with himself  because here's what's interesting what  happened is every day he realized when  he first got  he's locked up he said you know what I  might be here a while they thought for  himself okay what does this mean he said  you know what if I say this means my  life's over than it is if I say why'd  you do this to me God he's the numbers  gonna be you know living here in pain so  he said okay how can I use this that was  his question and by the way the way you  change your communication with yourself  is you ask a better quality of question  questions shape our entire thinking  process in fact thinking is nothing but  the process of asking and answering  questions and the problem is most of us  are asking questions of ourselves on a  regular basis but their unconscious we  don't even notice it we say things like  how come I always screw this up  we ask that a lot well maybe you don't  screw it up but asking you shall what  ask a lousy question what do you get so  you say why do I screw this up you know  but your brain is gonna come up with an  answer it's this cuz you're schmuck  right ask lousy question allows the  answer so someone says how come I can  never lose weight cuz you're a pig  that's what your brain will tell you you  ask allows the question you say how do I  lose weight it says go on a diet but he  go I hate that diet equals pain so I  want to do that but he said how could I  lose weight now and enjoy the process  Wow new question new answer you might  say wow I might like to go horseback  riding to play polo or do something fun  why don't the midst of doing I don't  even think about losing weight but I  will if you want a better answer you  gotta ask a better question and most of  us have virtual questions that we don't  even realize we ask the control our  whole thinking so instead of saying why  did you do this to me god he said how  can I use this good question by asking  that question he got some new answers  what he decided to do was to control his  communication with himself and so each  day he asked himself new questions the  questions were okay let's pick a day out  of my life and he relived all the days  of his life he literally think the  entire day through and see what he can  learn from each experience of his past  life because there's nothing as  stimulating there each day physically  stimulated himself did hundreds of  push-ups and sit-ups even though he was  get on bread and water most of the time  he came out of this thing stronger  mentally emotionally spiritually he said  he came out closer to God than any other  time in his life he says no one else to  talk to so he had to create that but  what's interesting is he was shot down  with two other people one guy committed  suicide of the  the other guy is still to this day in a  psychotic ward here in the United States  a couple of decades later now  one stupid scene my friend and his  friends only one thing the way he with  hope that's it I don't know it doesn't  sound very sexy but it's your whole life  and so maybe it's time to take control  of it and the way you take control of it  number one is asking better questions  and number two is starting to develop  incantations that empower you versus  those that destroy the quality of your  life because that's what I can't believe  it's happening I can't believe it's  happening why is this always happen to  me and then can't negative phrases and  negative questions until literally that  person is immobilized or overwhelmed  with negative emotion you must ask those  that empower you and that's what he did  that's why his life really works so the  quality of your life  is the quality of your communication and  by the way a communication is not just  words most people think of communication  as words but think of it this way words  research shows that when two people meet  and they're communicating one actually  influences another person to change the  way they feel to actually do something  different what affects them the most is  usually not words there's a few words to  do it most words don't do that fact last  study was done at USC and they found  that words in human communication  represented only 7% of what actually  influenced someone to change how they  felt about something we're only 7% now  most business people almost negotiators  most sales people most marketers spend  an inordinate amount of time trying to  figure out what's the saying how to say  it say get something respond and while  words do play a role there's 7% they're  the smallest role in actually  influencing someone to change the way  they think and feel and do so what  affects us more than words is voice  qualities or voice cues as we call it so  we think of communication don't just  think of words think of voice cues  because voice qualities represent 38% of  what actually influences someone to  change how they feel now what's the  voice quality well tonality is an  obvious one timbre the quality of the  sound volume tempo the particular  pattern someone begins to speak  radically  the way we feel doesn't it if someone  says I love you feels different than if  they say I love you I really love you  different feeling different experience  just by totality that's all it takes  now what affects us even more than voice  qualities though is physiology and again  remember physiology is a fancy word for  how you use your physical body  physiology represents 55% of what  actually influences how we think how we  feel in the moment when someone's  communicating to us so this is true of  other people as well as ourselves so if  what's physiology it's facial  expressions its muscular tension or  relaxation it's the way you gesture all  of these things influence is much more  than just words if somebody looks at you  like this and they say I love you this  gives you even if the voice sounds okay  gives you a little different feedback  then I love you have you ever left  somebody's presence I'm exaggerating  only slightly and you said something  your gut you it's not gonna happen you  don't know why I mean it wasn't gonna  happen how many doesn't experience AI  that's because your brain is trained to  look for what we call incongruencies  incongruence is when your voice and your  body and the words don't match people  notice that  so when you say sure they knows that  they notice when the inflection doesn't  match the word and even if they don't  notice it consciously they notice it  unconsciously and so you've got to  communicate congruently  now this is not only true of other  people but yourself too now where is  this really valuable what's really  valuable when you're communicating to  yourself if you say to yourself okay I'm  gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do  it I'll do it  what is your brain say he goes there's  no way in a million years you're not  gonna do it who you trying to kid I'm  not stupid you know there's no  physiology here you're in congruent but  if you say I'm gonna do it  then your whole brain body everything  gets you mean it and you'll show up so  you want to not only get good at  communicating well with other people but  first you gotta get good at  communicating well with yourself does  this make sense so one of things we want  to do is get you so you are congruent so  that you when you go to do something all  of you  saying yes not just the words your body  your voice everything and when all  through your line then you have this  thing called power congruence  consistency the capacity to get yourself  to do what's necessary like that  immediately as part of our target and  that comes from congruent communication  good example by the way of congruent  communication is the Mafia when they  communicate do people know exactly what  they mean yes in fact if you remember  there was this one dawn they were after  forever they could never get this guy  and they finally got him a few years ago  and the reason that the authorities  could never capture him is he understood  the power of communication and he was  really smart he protected all his  communication networks not only when he  said something people knew what he meant  but also he protected all the ways he  communicated so no one could like grab  ahold of information so for example he  had an accountant for many years was a  man who could not speak and could not  hear makes it very difficult to testify  in court that way so one day though wood  blew the whole thing up was this  accountant gets called in to the Mafia  bosses office because mafia boss freaks  out in this realized he's missing three  million dollars from his accounts he  pulls in this account we can't talk to  so he has to talk through a finger sign  you know interpreter so he turns this  guy he says to interpret he said you  tell this guy missing three million  dollars I know he hasn't I want it right  now  interpreter turns and says he says that  he's missing three million dollars he  thinks you've got it and he wants it  right now  holy counting gets his funny look on his  face starts flashing fingers back I  don't know why he's coming to me I'm a  trusted loyal employee I've been here  forever tell him look somewhere else  well the Mafia bosses watch these hands  coming back and forth and hyperspeed  right so he turns the interpreter says  what'd he say what'd he say interpreter  turns the mafia boss and says well he  said he's a trusted loyal employee he's  been here forever he doesn't have any of  your money and you have to look  somewhere else  what mafia boss didn't have much  patience so he pulled out a very big gun  put it  get the head of the accountant started  screaming you tell that accountant I  want my money right now I'm blowing his  brains out  the interpreter turn starts flashing  signs he says he's very upset he knows  you're the money he wants it right now  he's gonna blow your brains out all of a  sudden this accountant starts flashing  signs very very rapidly you'll stop him  stop him stop I'll tell you where the  money is  it's in my cabin by the lake under my  bed  well the moss advised to wash these  hands going back and forth incredible  speed he turned century said what'd he  say what'd he say  interpreter translating Ozzy Boston says  he says he doesn't think you have enough  guts to pull that trigger moral of the  story we don't want to misinterpret  ourselves this weekend now if you're  gonna be effective then in communicating  you promised you'd know how your brain  functions I mean understand what really  triggers your brain to work now we  understand first of all that no matter  what happens in our life it's not what  happens the term of life it's what we do  with it right it's what we communicate  and what action we take how many by that  say eye and so what we've got to be able  to do then let's understand maybe why we  do what we do now most of you know at a  very basic level why you do what you do  most of us do anyway we know that  everything we do ultimately we do for  one of two reasons we do it either never  need to avoid what or out of our desire  to gain that's the whole game now what's  interesting though is this you and I as  human beings have a unique ability we  don't actually avoid real pain we don't  actually move towards real pleasure we  move towards what we think will equal  pleasure or what we make up in our head  will equal pleasure and we avoid  whatever we make up will equal pain like  we're unique  we're not like dogs there's another  clear pain and pleasure we make stuff up  can someone make up something that's  really good for them in their mind make  it up that is painful is that possible  can a hunger striker literally starve  themselves but feel pleasure instead of  pain because they associate  higher moral ground to what they're  doing yes or no sure I mean you look at  Nelson Mandela of all the people I've  had the privilege of meeting people ask  me all the time like who is the person  you respect the most by far him  could you imagine somebody taking 27  years of your life away from you and you  not want to kill everybody in sight and  you not only don't kill anybody or come  out do anything but you come back out  and say listen let's rule the country  together you people that put me in jail  for a quarter of a century I mean that's  shows you what the human being is  capable of it when I met him I said how  did you make it through that suffering I  mean how did it and he looked at me said  what suffering I said well like 27 years  what to do he said that wasn't suffering  Tony so that was preparation he said  while I was there I was preparing for  one or two things either I would die and  my death would spark a revolution in my  country and I knew then my life's  purpose would be met or I get out and  I'd end up running my country so I was  preparing to be a great leader I mean  most people probably didn't have that  communication with themselves that's why  you don't know Joe SMO but you do know  Nelson Mandela because Joe Schmoe never  communicated with the D'Arnot you know  who he is communication is everything  mastering that communication is  everything and we have that power so we  under the ability to decide what equals  painting what equals pleasure but here's  the problem most of us do act like dogs  we let other people tell us how to feel  in fact the average American watches  television seven hours a day still even  more the Internet seven hours a day is  the national average that's in seven  right and what's happening there is  people are being taught what to feel and  advertisers know how to get you  emotional about dog food or women  women's hygiene products all right you  know I mean it's unbelievable what's on  the news now plus now they got drugs  here's this drug it's really wonderful  but it may not work and it may kill you  it may give you a brain hemorrhaging it  made you this it may make you kill your  best friend but please call your doctor  and see if you like it for you but they  play the nice music while they're saying  it's like I starting my life commercial  have you seen these commercials last few  years it's like staggering the stuff  they put on there you know you may have  a brain hemorrhage because they know how  to condition you to link pleasure things  that could actually be painful so if you  don't take conscious control if you  don't have a plan for your life I  guarantee you someone else has  for it so you better be conscious or you  get to pay the price of being  reactionary  [Music]  ultimate success formula what this is  based upon is something very fundamental  and that is that people who succeed in  any situation have a pattern of what  they do to succeed and it doesn't matter  whether that person is succeeding in a  business context or a relationship  context doesn't matter what the  environment is the fundamental lessons  or laws for succeeding are very very  basic so if we're looking for the  ultimate successful I mean the very  first thing we have is you have to know  what you want which we call know your  outcome if you're gonna succeed in  anything it's hard to succeed hard to  hit a target when you don't know what it  is and so it's gonna be very very  difficult to achieve what you want we  need to haven't defined it but this is  gonna become a question we're gonna want  you to ask yourself a lot what is my  outcome in this situation I don't even  have a time management system that I  developed it's really a life management  system which we call opa because the  first o stands for what's my outcome cuz  you can come up with a question like  what should I do and you're gonna end up  with a long list but as you do all these  things what will happen is you can cross  something off your list and still be  unfulfilled and not really achieve  anything that matters see I say what's  my outcome first then you begin to  decide what you need to do to get the  outcome so in this case we want to say  what's your outcome you want to make it  a habit ask this question a lot you're  in the middle of a conversation stop  yourself if it seems to going nowhere  and say what's my hell come here don't  want to connect don't want to influence  this person do I want to learn something  what's your outcome if in the middle of  that argument you would ask yourself the  question what's my outcome here I  guarantee you your brain would say well  my how comes not to fight my outcomes to  resolve this and if you get clear on  what your real target is your behavior  will change automatically so very very  few people know what they want and the  more are you clear you can get about  what you want the more you can really  achieve clarity is power the more clear  you can become about what it is you  really want the more power you're gonna  have  because your brain is like a  servomechanism in a a bomb as an example  when they sent a missile out it has a  servomechanism  it knows what the target is and when the  target moves it follows it well your  brain is very similar when you decide  exactly what as you want you start  picking up information that you never  would have picked up before consciously  for example have you ever bought a  particular car maybe or maybe a certain  outfit and then all of a sudden you see  that car outfit everywhere how many got  that experience say I well what's that  car outfit already around you all the  time yeah but you didn't notice it  because there's a portion of your brain  that it was responsible for one thing  and that is screening out 99% of what  you see here and feeling the life  because if you were to notice everything  that's going on in this room right now  you go stark raving mad but most of you  don't you put the attention to a small  number of things if you could right now  notice what millions of things you can  notice my voice you could listen to what  I'm saying you could notice what's going  on the background the screens you could  hear the air conditioning you could  smell your neighbor off to all that  jumping up and down notice that right  you could feel that maybe a little sweat  trickling across your chest or whatever  was going on after all that jumping up  and down you could feel the blood maybe  vibrating or circulating through your  left eardrum but you don't think about  those things so maybe I mentioned them  or something triggers it so this part of  our brain that's responsible for  deleting most of our thoughts and most  of the things that are going on around  us that part of our brain when you know  when it knows what you want it makes you  notice those things you suddenly see  that car because it's important it's  called the reticular activating system  for sure it's called Ras the reticular  activating system tells your brain what  to pay attention to so when you say that  this is what I really want that anything  that relates to that that you would have  noticed before will start popping up  into your focus a lot of times people  say it's amazing I decided this and it  was kind of you know synchronicity these  things started popping up well these  things were probably around you before  but you never noticed them because you  hadn't decided your outcome  now when you know your outcome you're  ahead of 95% of the population but  that's not enough the second thing you  gotta know is a lot of times you know  your outcome but you lose your drive you  know you want something but you forget  the most important thing which is know  why you want it know why you want it  you got another purpose in our oppa  training system when people are managing  their lives we have them ask what's my  outcome and then why do I want this  because any person's success or really  successful knows exactly what they want  they know why the reason I don't know  why is remember I said yesterday reasons  come first answers come second you give  enough reasons you can get a big enough  one you can figure out how to do about  anything but you got to have purpose  because purpose provides Drive now if  you know what you want and you know why  you're lightyears ahead of most the  population but you got to go to this  step that most people seem to avoid and  that is you got to take massive what  that's right and a key word there is  massive massive action can be a cure-all  when you know what you're after and you  know why you want it because when you  know what you're after when you take  action you won't just be expending  energy you'll be moving yourself in a  direction towards something you really  really want and what stops people from  taking action primarily what fear and  the way you get over that fear is what  do you think is the number one fear most  people have failure and the reason is  they feel if they fail they won't be  loved  they'll be rejected they'll be hurt  they'll be judged so if they really are  afraid of us losing love and they think  that this rejection or I should say this  failure will lead to that rejection or  loss of love the truth of the matter is  you can't fail unless you don't try you  try something doesn't work you just  learn from it and that'll make you  better the next time you go about it now  if you know your outcome know why you  want it and take massive action you're  now in the most small percentile of  people on the planet so what's the next  step though well you can take a lot of  action and get caught up in a pattern  like we become so determined that you  became what tunnel vision like I know  this is gonna work and so you keep  running east looking for a sunset with  total certainty and a lot of belief  high-standard still doesn't work so what  you have to be able to do to succeed so  you don't get caught up in some old  pattern is you got to know what you're  getting know what you are know what  you're getting the word we use for this  as for sure is we call it sensory acuity  sensory acuity is the idea that you want  to become acutely sensitive to weather  or what you're doing is working or not  you don't want to just say okay I know  what I want  I'm just gonna make it happen this is  how I'm gonna do it you keep hammering  and hammering and hammering it doing  something that doesn't work and people  do this all the time I do the same thing  over and over again expecting a  different result that's called insanity  you can't do the same thing again and  again expect a different result when you  can see it doesn't get the result but we  get caught up in our patterns so we want  to get really sensitized acutely  sensitized sensory acuity to whether  what we're doing is working or not  and by the way sensory acuity is really  the measure of a person's intelligence  what I mean by that is how do we measure  intelligence intelligence is a measure  of the number and quality of  distinctions you have in a given  situation like for example if you talked  to Eskimos that's actually not the  politically correct term anymore I guess  it's in a way you talked in in a way  what we formally called Eskimos you'd  find out that in a way have more than a  dozen words for the word snow more than  a dozen now I'm from Southern California  guess how many words I have for snow one  I don't see any of it it's called snow  baby right but they got to know what  kind of snow they're gonna make more  refined distinctions to be effective in  the world to get their outcomes I don't  know what kind of snow you can build an  igloo out of what kind of snow you can  take your dogs through what kind of snow  you can eat all right what kind of snow  you're gonna fall through so who has  more intelligence who has more power in  that snowy environment the Eskimo Army  which one  Eskimo because they have more sensory  acuity they have more refined  distinctions about what each of these  elements mean first I just see it as  snow now if you took that Eskimo and you  stuck in my car in Los Angeles then we  find out that maybe I have a little more  intelligence because he might try to  steer the thing using the rearview  mirror right he just doesn't know so  since he doesn't have that acuity he  doesn't have those distinctions he  wouldn't do terribly well there see some  people I can hold this up and I can say  what is this and they say well that's a  cylinder other people say no no that's a  blue white black cylinder someone else  does no no that's a blue color marker a  few people say no no that's not just a  blue color marker that is a pilot super  color bride and WOD color marker and if  you get in your clothes it'll never come  out now which one of those people has  more power 1 2 3 or 4 4 because they  have the largest number of distinctions  the thing that can affect your life the  most in terms of your million TV your  outcomes the greatest resource on earth  as other human beings example have you  ever had somebody mistake your being  polite for you're actually being  interested in what they were talking  about or worse how many of you have ever  thought somebody was interested what  you're saying find out later they were  just being polite I mean even that place  AI that's kind of an uncomfortable  situation when that happened to you you  were missing your sensory acuity that  day so now if you know your outcome you  know why you want it you got your  purpose  you got your drive you got your a and  oppa this is outcome purpose action  you know the massive action you're  taking action and you notice what's  working what happens if you notice it's  not working you're taking action but  it's not getting you closer to your  outcome what's the obvious fist step but  this step is change your approach change  your approach if what you're doing your  QT says is not working change it now  what if you change your approach and  that's still not working and then what  would you do what would you do  come on what would you do what if that  doesn't work what do you do and what if  that doesn't work what do you do what if  that doesn't work what do you do what if  after all that and still doesn't work  what do you do and what if you try that  and it doesn't work how many times until  you find out what works do not say to  yourself I've tried everything that's  bull if you tried everything you'd have  what you want  why haven't tried everything but I tried  millions of things millions numbers them  name them well maybe tens of thousands  tens of thousands name a thousand well  maybe 100 name honored well maybe I did  these two things over and over again  that don't work okay but we start saying  I've tried everything we tend to  encamped that don't wait we make it an  incantation then we believe it and since  we think we've tried everything we just  give up that's garbage not true hey let  me ask you a question how long would you  give your average baby to learn how to  walk you know before you shut them off  and didn't let them try anymore  you know what are you crazy my kids  gonna keep trying until he or she walks  magic formula and when almost everything  the whole world walks right let's see  when you're a kid that's what you knew  you do whatever it takes and gets me  though you try something doesn't work  you what you anybody notice that okay  I'm never doing that again and you lose  all your power okay so this is the  ultimate success form that comes down to  knowing what you want why you want to  take a massive action no that's working  and simply changing your approach until  you get it that's it anyone who succeeds  does this they may not call it Robbins  ultimate success formula but I guarantee  they did it an acorn example Thomas  Edison these lights in here did this guy  know his outcome yes or no he was  absolutely clear without knowing me how  come you couldn't have built that in  million years it didn't exist before he  had to decide he wanted to create this  result without the use of candles did he  know why he want to do it you bet you  read his writings this man had a sense  of incredible purpose and drive  did he take massive action yes or no oh  yes tens of thousands of experiments did  he noticed when it wasn't working and  learned from it yes or no did he keep  changing his approach that's why right  now in this room we don't smell candle  light right now if you know the old  story of him was written about him early  in his early days he's got his best  friend with him he's doing this  experiment and as he's doing it he  creates a small explosion which shakes  the room scares both of them very very  severely and then at the end of that he  gets up and his friend is totally shaken  freaked out he pulls out his journal he  starts writing and it's his 9,999  experiment and his buddy says to him  what's the matter of you insane almost  killed us so you're gonna wait you have  10,000 failures for you give the stupid  idea up and Edison's response to him was  I didn't had a failure there he goes  that's your nine thousand 999 failure he  said no it's not he said I discovered  the 9999 a way not to invent the  electrolyte bulb but I did discover how  to create a small explosion which may be  useful in the future somewhere else  interesting right because he understood  what this process was hey did Bruce  Springsteen use this do you think you  just want went out used his gravelly  voice and said they may be born to USA  and everybody went yeah you're it man  he's a boss you read that what happened  know what really happened if you know  his story was that all the agents  immediately went to try and book was  said just  playing the guitar and keeping her mouth  shut your voice is gross sounding its  gravelly it's irritating no one's gonna  like the stuff keep your mouth shut and  play the guitar but he knew what he  wanted he had all the drive you can  imagine who why he wanted took massive  action kept changing his approach until  he got what he wanted  how about Sly Stallone semester Stallone  rocky rocky story is this even right but  slices to slice a good friend of mine  and when I first met him years ago  he's listened to my tapes and Stephanie  invited me over for dinner we started  talking and I said you know I've heard  your story from other people but I  really wanted to hear it from the  horse's mouth I don't know how much is  mythology in an urban myth and how much  is true so he told me the whole story  said the essence of it though was he  said he knew his whole life what he want  to do since he's very very young he  wanted to be in the movie business  period I mean not just TV movies and he  just he said why was for him it was a  chance to have people not only escape  but to inspire people and by the way  that drive is what made most of his  movies inspired people to what they're  capable of to overcome unbelievable  obstacles because in his own life he  felt like he did that when he was born  he was pulled out by the forceps that's  why he looked the way he did that's why  he talked the way he did and he said so  I really want to do that and he said I  knew why I want to do it I wasn't one to  settle for anything else and he said  what happened was I went out to try and  get jobs and it's not like I went Hariri  and they want you you're a star it  didn't work out real well they looked at  me and said hey you're stupid look and  do something else you know cookie look  is there's no place for you in that  stuff you're never gonna be a star in  the movies you're insane no one's gonna  listen if somebody looks Doby and talks  out of the side of their mouth right  ain't got no after no after no after no  he said I was thrown out more fit more  than 1,500 times of agents offices in  New York I said there aren't 15 minute  agents in New York I said I know I've  been on five six seven eight nine times  he said before one guy went in there and  I got in there at four o'clock and he  wouldn't see me so I stayed there and I  would not leave I stayed overnight they  came back next morning I'm still sitting  there he's that's how I got my first job  the guy said fine come in here and he  sat down and he went through this and he  gave my first movie I said oh really I  thought Rocky's verse mom he said now  this other movie I'd never heard of it  he said I said well what character you  play so I was in it for about 20 seconds  I was a thug somebody beat up he said  because they made  feel like you know some of the people  hate your guts you getting beat up it'll  be a good thing and he did like three  movies like that never got anything kept  going out rejection rejection rejection  so finally he realized it wasn't working  so he changed his approach he said I was  starving by the way he said I couldn't  pay for even to have heat in my  apartment my wife was screaming at me  everyday to go get a job I said well why  didn't you  he said cuz I knew that if I got a job  he said I'd get seduced back and I'd  lose my hunger he said I knew that the  only way I could do this is if it was  the only choice if I burned all other  bridges because if I did a normal job  pretty soon I'd be caught up in that  rhythm and that stuff when I feel okay  about my life and I feel like my dream  would just gradually disappear he said I  wanted to keep that hunger that hunger  was the only thing I thought was my  advantage he said my wife didn't  understand that at all he said we'd had  these vicious fights he said it was  freezing so I was broke we had no money  and he said so I finally went to the  public library one day because it was  warm so I don't want to read anything  since I went in New York Public  Library's I was hanging out there and I  sat down this chair and somebody left a  book there and he said I looked at this  book I know the poems of Edgar Allen  stories of Edgar Allen Poe and he said  so I started reading and he said I got  totally in the other growling pony so I  know everything about it he goes on for  another 20 minutes telling me about  Aaron Paul he knows everything how he  died what it was about what really  happened and I said well what a pony for  you he said Poe got me out of myself  he got me to think about how I could  touch other people and not worry about  myself so much and he said it made me  decide to become a writer I said I'm  just imagine Rocky the writer right and  he said so I tried to write a bunch of  screenplays nothing work nothing to work  I were totally broke he said I didn't  even have fifty bucks and he said and  finally he said I sold a script it was  called paradise alleys since the movie I  made many years later but I sold it and  he said I sold it for a hundred bucks he  said but a hundred bucks was a ton of  money man I was so thrilled I thought  I'm on my way but it never led to  anything he said so finally he said I  kept going and going going he said  finally we were so broke he said I  hocked my wife's jewelry  he's the Tony there's some things in  life you should never do he said that  was basically the end of our  relationship she hated my guts so much  he said now we were so broke we had  nothing no food no money and he said the  one thing I love most in the world was  my dog he said I love my dog because he  gave me on condition  unlike my wife and he said so what  happened was though we were so broke  that's a survive I couldn't even feed my  dog so I went to a liquor store there  was the lowest day of my life and I  stood outside the liquor store trying to  sell my dog to strangers so I tried to  sell my dog for fifty bucks and he said  this finally there's one guy negotiating  with me and bought my dog for me my best  friend on earth for $25 he said I walked  away from there and I cried he says the  worst thing that ever happened in my  life he's a two weeks later I'm watching  a fight between Muhammad Ali and Wepner  this white guy that's getting bludgeoned  but just keeps on coming and he said I  got an idea  he said as soon as the fight ended I  started writing he said I wrote for 20  straight hours I did not sleep I wrote  the entire movie in 20 hours straight  right then saw the fight wrote the movie  whole thing done he said I was shaking  at the end I was so excited so I really  knew man I knew what I wanted I knew why  I wanted he said just like you teach  that a formula he said but I said man I  took the action now it's time to deliver  and so he said I went out started trying  to sell it to agents and they all would  read it they'd say you know this is  predictable this is stupid this is saffi  he said I wrote down all the things they  said and I read them the night of the  Oscars when we want really good the  greatest revenge is massive success they  said so what happened was he said I kept  going trying to sell it trying to sell  it nobody go and I'm broke I'm starving  he said finally I meet these guys they  read it and they believed in the script  and they love it and they offer me a  hundred and twenty five thousand dollars  from my script I said oh my god you must  have been out of your mind he said I was  I said just one thing though guys you  got a deal based on one thing they said  what's that he said I got to star in it  they were what are you talking about  you're a writer so no no I'm an actor  it's no no no you're a writer no no I'm  an actor and that is my story and I'm  rocky said I gotta play it you know I  got to be the head person I got me the  starring role this there's no way we're  gonna pay hundred twenty-five thousand  dollars take some no-name and stick you  in that throw our money away we need a  star you know and I want to have Ryan  O'Neal play Rocky to give you a picture  can you imagine that's who they picked  right and so he said no way Ryan  O'Neal's  rocky I'm rocky went to this whole thing  right they finally he said they said  well take it or leave it  he said I left the room I said if that's  what you believe you know get my script  and he left here's the man with no money  none totally broke offered one hundred  and twenty five thousand dollars more  money seen his lifetime he walked away  because he knew his real what knew his  real wife and why wanted he was  committed to it so he said they called  him a few weeks later and they came he  brought it back and they offered him a  quarter of a million dollars not to star  in his own movie he turned it down  $250,000 they came back their final  offers three hundred and twenty five  thousand dollars they wanted this thing  he said not without me and they said no  they finally compromised and they gave  him thirty five thousand dollars and  points in the movie because I said if  this gonna happen then you're gonna take  the risk with us and the bottom line is  we don't think it'll work but at least  we'll spend a bunch of money on you and  they only spent a million dollars to  make Rocky and it grows 200 million  dollars at the time I am he was done  pretty well but what's interesting about  this is here's he I said what you doing  me even thirty five thousand it's not a  quarter of a million that's a lot of  money when you don't have twenty five  bucks I said what's the first thing you  did I figure you went out and party to  something he said I went to that liquor  store for three straight days and hope  that the man that my dog frequented the  store he's because I want to buy back my  dog no that was so cool all right that  was really cool I said what happened he  said third day I was there this guy  walks by and I see him and I can't  believe it and there was my dog and I  looked in and I said sir remember me and  he said it's been about a month and a  half but time this would all come about  he said member me and I'm the guy  holding the dog yeah yeah I love the dog  he said look he said I was so broke I  was starving he's my best friend I'm  sure you love him too but I gotta happen  black please I beg of you  he said all people hundred dollars to  the dog I know you paid me 25 I'll give  you 100 the man said absolutely not no  way he's my dog now you can't buy him  back right and so I said you know Tony  you know he'd say no you're out come I  said yeah he said I knew it and he said  I kept changing my approach so I went  five hundred dollars for the dog the guy  said absolutely no way he said a  thousand dollars for my dog guy said no  amount of money in Earth's never gonna  get this dog for you  that's what you do he said I knew my  outcome right because he listened his  name's Kip to him he says I take massive  action he said I got my dog I just kept  changing my approach so I got it as a  word of caution $15,000 and a part in  rocky the guys in rocky inner that dog  in rocky but kiss that slice real dog  right that's the dog he bought a bank so  he put his dog in the movie and he put  the guy in the movie I made 15 grand  well he had 35,000 I'm not pretty cool  pretty awesome  so there's always a way if you're  committed just gotta keep changing your  approach now let me offer you there's  gonna be so many things we're gonna  cover and we're gonna do that in order  for you to be able to really retain it  your brain needs kind of some triggers  some triggers that will remind you of  the basic content to this so you might  want to write these four words down the  first word is the word perception  perception this is a core principle of  life and that principles simple whatever  you perceive is going to be true for you  whatever you perceive is going to be  true for you so you better control your  perceptions  don't let your perceptions be control  bothers and we're gonna learn lots of  ways to change our perceptions therefore  immediately change the way we feel the  way we behaved when we think you know if  somebody believes perceives that the  witchdoctor is pointed at them and put a  hex on them and they're gonna die of a  heart attack when a person believes that  with certainty they give an unquestioned  command to their body and their heart  stops happens and all the cultures of  the world that's the power of perception  perception can make you feel euphoric or  it can make you feel depressed about the  same thing it just has to do with how  you structure perception most of us are  running around wiling our perceptions to  be shaped by others or shaped by old  scripts old dialogues old belief  structures that we never really  consciously designed and we're paying  the price for them so one things we're  gonna do is show you a variety ways of  changing perception another key word for  your file cabinet is going to be the  word physiology and when you change your  physiology it changes your perception so  this is huge leverage it is the great  gift your Creator has given you most of  us have not consciously used our  physiology effectively we want to do  that you might want to notice right now  because you have a lot of old habits old  habits are you sit in a chair with a  notebook and you go into a deep trance  now one way one important way to keep  your physiology up besides breathing and  being up is to yell back the answer so  we're talking about because that will  keep you and what we call uptime uptime  is where your mind is fully active it's  easy to be passive but if you have to  communicate out loud that's where I ask  you to do that it'll keep you up there  so you want to do that yes or no  outstanding third key word is the word  poor rapport rapport offers you a really  simple distinction and that is anything  anything you want to achieve in your  life anything you want to learn any  skill you want to master anything you  want to see or do or experience or have  there's somebody else out there in the  world who could help you do it more  rapidly more effectively if you just if  they wanted to help you that is but no  one's gonna want to help you unless you  first help them to get what they really  want you're never gonna know what they  really want unless you first develop a  relationship of rapport a relationship  of total responsiveness with that person  so we're going to show you a variety of  ways to have to get rapport all the way  down to sitting next to a stranger and  again feeling what they're feeling  without them even talking and then  lastly is the word strategy strategy and  a strategy is a consistent way to get a  result once you know the strategy for  something you get the result again and  again and again and again it's no longer  a question can you get the result you  can do it at will as often as you want  and there are all kinds of strategies  most of our strategies are unconscious  in nature for example if you've ever  been like feeling really creative and  things are flowing through you if that's  not been more than once in your life you  have a strategy for being creative  here's the problem you don't know what  it is  so hopefully the environment triggers  you to feel that creativity but once you  know what the strategy is you can get  yourself creative on call at a  millisecond for the rest of your life  and life you're not competing with  everybody it's so much easier than that  so few people even know that have not  even decided that they're gonna win the  game if you don't have enough reasons to  follow through on it nothing else is  gonna help you so this is a good  metaphor because games are a reflection  of life the way you play a game very  often is how you play life not  absolutely but very often what most of  you do is you get in the game and you  don't decide on what the outcome is and  you start playing or you get in the game  you know the outcome you don't decide to  win it was nothing aboard  maybe life is maybe giving your all is  what the important thing is not whether  you win or not if you decide to win  you're gonna have to give your all  besides just to play you don't have to  there's a strategy for most things in  life there's a way to really win in your  relationships there's a way to really  win  every time long-term there's a way to  win in any area if you know what the  strategy  [Music]  [Music]  Nightingale Conan is proud to present  unleash the power within an exciting  live audio seminar by Tony Robbins think  of a change in your own life or maybe  someone you know that was really hard  for you to make like really hard you  kept trying to change kept trying to  change and never fall through and  finally one day Wham he said that's it  no more never again it's over you're  about to participate in a groundbreaking  audio seminar by Tony Robbins the  world's leading expert on the psychology  of peak performance and human potential  recorded live at tony's  life-transforming unleash the power  within weekend you'll experience the  essence of the Tony Robbins experience a  powerful high-energy examination of your  life and its grand possibilities the end  of your life I don't think you're gonna  remember all the experiences your life I  just don't I think you'll never certain  moments you can create them or you can  hope they show up every once in a while  rarely does the quality of life just  happened  it must be created and constructed and  conscious fought caring and desire  that's what makes great life Tony has  spent over 20 years sharpening his life  enhancing strategies while coaching  people around the world unleash the  power within is the culmination of all  he's learned and the tools that you need  to make your life extraordinary his  dynamic powerhouse style combined with  his empathic approach to human  transformation have made Tony Robbins of  America's results coach and a  world-class leader of profound  sensitivity and insight so this is the  ultimate success form that comes down to  knowing what you want why you want to  take a massive action know that's  working and that's it anyone to succeed  does this take a front-row seat for Tony  Robbins unleash the power within  you'll learn to immediately break  through your self-imposed limitations  create lasting change and condition your  mind for a lifetime of constant and  never-ending fulfillment  there's so much in our lives that we can  do we could all be up at 6:00 a.m. with  total passion for living we could all be  as fit and healthy and as strong as we  can imagine we all have the capability  for that we could all have the impact on  our friends and our kids and our  families that we want to have we could  also be happy every single day we could  it's not impossible the problem is our  belief systems keep us from actually  engaging the parts of us that would make  that a must and not a should because we  all got lots of shoulds right I should  do this I should do that I should go on  a diet I should follow through I should  spend more time I should make that extra  call but we don't actually do it we just  what I call all over ourselves  basically and so we want to turn those  shoulds into mus and anybody can do that  how many of you had an experience where  in a moment something you're working on  for years or struggle with for months  you just like nothing worked and all  sudden Wham I mean you just something  happened you said that is it never again  no more and you made the shift in a  relationship and your business and your  career some place in life how many can  relate to this say I this is really the  beginning of a journey and it's a  journey that I can promise you will be  one you won't forget not because I'm so  great but because you got all these  things inside of you if you came here  for me to be your guru you came to the  wrong place because that's not what I'm  about I'm just a guy I have some really  good solutions to ideas because for two  decades of my life 21 years now it's  been my obsession what makes people what  they do what they do and how do you  change it quickly when what they're  doing is not what they want how do you  produce results and I've been now with  you know about two million people from  65 countries so you don't have to be too  smart over two decades of that many  patterns to start seeing there are  patterns in human behavior  and they're predictable patterns and  when you know what they are you can  change things and lightning like speed  just like your mechanic knows how to fix  your car hopefully or your computer  expert pretends that they know the  answer to that each one of you have your  focus you have an air your life that you  know much more than I do and you're an  expert in that area so I'm not coming to  you this weekend as having all the  answers but I've got some that work just  because they work globally meaning  worldwide no matter what your background  is what your past experience is your  gender your color your religious beliefs  theirs  and fundamental laws of the human psyche  and the human physiology that when you  engage them you will get results period  in fact I got question for you how many  of you in this room have ever gone to an  educational experience of any sort a  seminar university experience anything  you learn something you really thought  was valuable I mean really truly knew  was valuable but then you never actually  applied what it is you learn how many  have this experience say ahh how many  know this happen to you more than once  in your lifetime say ah how many still  feel like you're intelligent say how is  it that an intelligent person like you  and I could learn something more than  once  no it's valuable and they never use it  well the answer is because we've all  been taught a big why the why is that  information is power information it's  nap time information is potential power  only one thing gives you power that's  action but I want to tell you right now  I don't believe in positive thinking  positive thinking says go to your garden  and say there's no weeds there's no  weeds there's no weeds there's no weeds  okay I got news for you buddy  there weed there they're gonna take your  garden okay so I'm not one of those  positive thinking people I want you to  be clear about that  I believe in intelligence intelligence  says this number one see it as it is but  don't see it worse than it is which is  what most people do out of fear most  people are so afraid of being  disappointed again that they say they're  skeptical or they're pessimistic when  someone says they're skeptical or  pessimistic you can translate that real  quickly as I'm fearful  I'm afraid to get hurt I'm afraid to get  my hopes up I'm afraid to try again I'm  afraid to go through the disappointment  I'm afraid of what other people say if I  don't look good it doesn't work out well  I'm afraid to fail that's pessimist and  that's skepticism courage means you've  got to see it as it is but you also step  to got to see it better than it is you  got to know how really it is but then  you got to get a vision for what you  want there's a great book called the  good book that says without a vision  people perish and you know what we all  have to have a compelling vision a  compelling future how many of you know  exactly what you want your life  how many have no clue where the rescue  people kind of in between well I'm not  quite sure  on the cusp are you so we're gonna help  you develop what is that compelling  future but you got to see it is you got  to see a bit of it is and then you got  to make it the way you see it and the  way I'm gonna show you how to do that is  really fundamental it requires three  things I've mentioned number one you  want to change your life there's only  one way you've got to raise your  standards and I know that sounds  unbelievably stupid and simplistic but  it is the only way in which a person's  life changes what does it mean to change  your standards it means you have to take  the shoulds in your life and make them  us because as long as it's the should  you'll do it when it's convenient and  convenience does not create consistency  and if you're good at anything you're  consistent if you've got a great  relationship it's not because once in a  while you show up and are passionate and  loving it's consistency that makes a  relationship work it's consistency that  will give you financial independence  not being good for a while with your  investments or being good for a while  and your earnings it's consistency and  the only way to get that is to have a  standard a must and people all of us in  this room right now have exactly what we  must have you say no Tony I'm struggling  I don't have what I must have trust me I  must have a better relationship this I  must have more money than this I must  have less weight on my body than I got  right now trust me it's a must  no not yet unless you're in the process  unless you really are making progress  the answer is no it's still a should and  so what we gotta do is get it to a must  and when it's a must  everything in life changes Michael  Jordan great example and one things does  need about Michaels have you asked  Michael you know what is it that  separates you from everybody else what's  made you the best that exists he's very  humble really warm he's thanks for the  comment and I say you know is it talent  is it ability is it god-given gifts I  mean what is it and Michael tell you so  Tony no one has a higher demand of  themselves than I have on me he's I  don't compete with other people I  compete with what my best could possibly  be because I competed with other people  that I'm only gonna push myself so hard  his standard is really simply modeling  from man named dr. J dr. J and his day  was probably the best player of the  league he had a simple philosophy dr. J  came somebody came to him when he was in  his mid-30s and they said to him dr. J  how come you're so darn good how come  you're so lucky to have all these skills  and dr. day was a very cool guy never  got upset but he also got a little  heated me so let me tell you why in this  way cuz every day since I was seven  years old I've demanded more from myself  than anyone else could possibly expect  how about isn't that interesting if  everyday you demanded more for yourself  than anyone else could expect of you if  it wasn't the standards of what other  people think but it was the standards of  what you were capable of if that was the  must for you not this should then would  you eat differently today if it had to  be that great every day in your  relationship even though you're  exhausted and tired you're going to go  home and be that passionate that commit  if that was a must to be your absolute  best every single day to have a higher  demand on yourself and your spouse  boyfriend or girlfriend could ever  imagine if that was your standard for  yourself how would you show up on a  daily basis in your relationship what  would you relationship look like you  could take that any air your life but  people the best have those standards  most of us wait for life to give us the  half dude it's like if you don't push  yourself you don't stretch yourself then  God shows up and says you need a little  growth and provides it to you in a way  you probably won't find very pleasant so  I believe in raising my own standards so  hopefully God doesn't have to step in  too many times with me all right maybe  God just gives me the opportunity and I  can make some intelligent choices second  thing that all people do who get what  they really want to expand and have a  quality of life is they change their  limiting beliefs because the only thing  keeping you from getting what you really  want really is the belief that you can't  have it even though you say you think  you can't the unconscious belief the  belief inside of you says oh yeah I can  do this this voice the sizes who are you  kidding  we're gonna give you a few skills on how  to get your beliefs aligned have you  ever been in a place where you were so  focused it was like you and the task at  hand there was nothing else in the world  but what you were committed to bombs  could be going off you wouldn't know  about it how many have ever been in that  place I call it a genius state how many  been there say I okay that's the state  you're gonna get yourself into absolute  certainty the bottom line is what you're  thinking about in this moment is  controlled by your beliefs and your  values the way you've been raised right  but many do you never chose those  consciously you just kind of pick this  stuff along the way and it affects your  life so we're gonna decide consciously  when all they can destroy what doesn't  work you're gonna install what you need  and when your beliefs are on track when  your values on track you are pulled in  the direction you want instead of being  pulled apart you've been in that place  like you want two things that are  totally in conflict show you how to  resolve that and  we'll be a huge huge ship for most of  you and then the third thing you need to  really make your life work besides  incredibly high what Oh we're in deep  trouble already I can see really high  what that's right you got to raise your  standard whatever it is it's got to be  the next level of standards for you you  can't get to the next level of your life  with the same level of thinking or the  same level of standards as you have  right now in this moment so I could give  you a million skills give you all the  ability to get pumped out of your mind  leave here and unless it's a must for  you you'll go back to doing the same  stuff ya know you have like a nice a  month or two is like riding high on the  float to the seminar but I'm gonna sing  permanent lasting change the only way  you do that is get enough leverage on  yourself the change is a must and once  you change it it's so reinforcing you  stick with it not because you're so  disciplined but because it's so  rewarding then the third thing you got  to have is the right strategy because  it's one thing to have a high standard  like you are I'm gonna go out and change  the world  that's my must and then your voice of  cycles who are you kidding you got a  problem but let's say you got the  standard and the belief and let's say  your goal is to see a sunset and your  strategy is start running east looking  for a sunset I don't care how much you  believe you got a problem you gotta have  the right strategy strategies for  overcoming fear strategies for taking  action strategies for attraction causing  attraction half another person towards  you and vice versa strategies fulfilling  love strategies for making decisions  strategies for creating rapport things  that work why do they work why is it a  strategy it's proven because people of  all directions backgrounds genders all  can do the same result it's a strategy  once anyone can do it as long as they do  it that way it's like a recipe once you  know it you create the same result as  often as you want but you got to have  the right strategy or you can work real  hard and be a really good person and be  a real hard worker and still have  nothing and most people have this in  lots of areas in life their financial  life is an obvious example and 95% as  population ends up dead broke or dead by  age 65 why they don't the right strategy  and they have low standards and they  don't believe but some of them even have  those stupid Elvis strategy so we're  gonna work on all three of those element  make sense let me offer you a  possibility we know you've learned in  the past and not done it why why is  because all this information came at you  but as I said to you in firm a  doesn't change your life we live in the  information age supposedly there's too  much information you can't possibly  absorb it to you where's it coming from  everywhere right all right it's coming  from CD ROMs and pretty soon DVDs for  many of you and it's on the internet we  are drowning information and we're  starving for wisdom we're starving for  those things we can actually use to  actually get what we really want  otherwise you can spend all your time on  the internet read more information or  chatting or buying something never have  any change of lines the Internet's not  gonna make your life better you have to  make your life better by using your  resources differently but here's the  deal we're not me information age we're  in the entertainment age here's what  really grabs us something that moves us  emotionally we don't remember all that  information when something grabs us man  we remember some of you old enough to be  around long enough to notice remember  where you were when you're a John F  Kennedy was shot all right for some of  you maybe was John Lennon if he was  associated hero for you for others of  you it's you know you remember  everything about Monica Lewinsky by the  way but she's now just Monica you're  just like Oprah right Michael raise its  now Monica everybody on earth knows who  Monica is right there's an emotion right  there's a feeling there's something  there's not the information that's  getting you right Oh Jay Simpson was the  big focus before that why would people  watching every single day drama  entertainment emotion feeling so the  only reason the only reason people pay  attention there when we get something as  you had feeling to it so here's my goal  of you I don't want this to be a class  we're gonna try something different  we're gonna go into 21st century  learning see this was designed for you  to obey to enter the 20th century where  your job was working in an industrial  complex of some sort maybe building cars  or something and so they trained you  from birth that you'd arrive on time  check in dude you're supposed to do and  sit and shut up till someone told you  what to do and then you only do what  they told you to do and you didn't talk  to your neighbor now today in business  you don't talk to your neighbor you're  out of business right today if you wait  for somebody tell you what to do you're  in trouble I mean today you got to think  you're in teams you got to make it  happen you got a creative got your own  business it's a different world so this  has trained us for a world we're not in  so we have to be in a proactive  aggressive entertainment driven  emotional world that's where we are  that's what you want  the only way to get that is to learn in  that state so it's gonna be very  different for most of you I'm gonna ask  you not to be the passive deep trance  hypnotic subjects I'm gonna ask you to  be outrageous playful crazy silly and  fun if you and I are going to be  effective as people which means have fun  be fulfilled  be passionate get results achieve learn  grow all that then we've got to become  active rather than passive in our  experience in order to do that it starts  with the way we move and the way we  think and so I have a metaphor for  myself I think the most influential  people in the world are kids how many of  you have kids how many of ever try to  say no you can't have an ice cream cone  to a kid and saw moves you've never seen  in your life before right they don't  hear no goes right on by so if we want  to quality life one thing's for sure  we've got to become people of influence  you go to the UM floats your kids and  your family and yourself you got to get  yourself to do what's necessary me  influences the base skill for quality  life influenced with integrity so if  you're gonna influence yourself then you  might look at kids because they're good  at influencing and they do it a lot of  ways they do it with your energy don't  they they do it with playfulness they do  it by asking the gazillion questions  they do it because they haven't so much  fun that even when they annoy you they  make you laugh every bit right somehow  they pull it off and so my view is I'm  always gonna be a kid no matter what age  I am cuz kid or adult or old person's  all mindset I know a man who is 84 years  old who is just started lifting weights  about six years ago now list bench press  is 450 pounds I mean unbelievable sky is  like pure stud right and there's all  kinds of research showing now about  people starting their sixties and  seventies start lifting weights and get  as strong as men and women in their 20s  and 30s and his mind is the best part  though that's why he does it I mean sure  anybody could learn to do that but most  people don't have that as a standard I  mean come on we're all in cultural up  gnosis I mean when you're in your 60s  it's over baby right you're getting old  baby boomers start freaking when they  hear those kinds of things right they go  in a second I'm in my 50s now in my late  40s I'm gonna defy all that stuff right  but then most people in their 60s 70s or  standard saying I'm gonna learn to bench  press for 150 pounds so they don't miss  it should it's not even assured it's a  never maybe they don't have any belief  that it's possible any sense of  certainty and they have no strategy he  had all three  I also know young man I was talking he  recently is 21 years old who's got he's  probably the oldest person I've ever met  in my life  because everything is impossible for him  and he's tired all the time and he can't  accomplish anything in the world is  forever terrible that's it's it's a  million citizen tit how would he want to  be a kid for a few days here and say I  okay then if you won't do that here a  couple ways to do it number one when I  asked you a question yell back the  answer not so we have a rah-rah session  here but because research shows if you  sit and listen to me passively within  four weeks you remember 10% of what I  said if you listen and take some notes  jumps up into the 50% times if you  listen take notes but physically or  acted like you yell back the answer your  attention is to the 90 to 95 percent  tiles because what happens is like when  you yell and answer back it's like  driving driving the grooves or what you  learn deeper inside of you plus you're  gonna know the answer anything I ask you  I'm only gonna ask your questions to  know the answer to because I want to  help you to have strong self-esteem it's  easy stuff but by yelling yes should  also keep your energy huh how many want  to do this especially when you don't  feel like it so you build some emotional  muscle do you agree with me that if you  really want an extraordinary quality of  life that one of the things you gotta  masters your ability get yourself to  take action to influence yourself number  one how many agree with that say aye  how many degree number two you'd have to  become good at influencing others with  integrity meaning getting people to do  the things they normally won't do for  themselves I'm gonna do that say aye  outstanding so if influence is a skill  it starts in the first moments of human  communication or connection so I want  you to try something silly I want you to  notice little things you know most  people think little things don't matter  they want to see the big thing but I  have a different mindset when someone  negotiates a deal that changes planet  Earth like you know Gorbachev and Reagan  get together and for the first time in  human history destroying nuclear bombs I  don't know what caused that and  everybody looks at the big thing but I  get together and I've had the privilege  of being with both those guys and I  found out exactly from them what was the  little thing they didn't even notice at  the time like later on in retrospect  they figured out what actually made them  become friends actually made them make  an agreement little things change  everything if you're heading this  direction and we make a little 10  reshift looks like nothing you know 10  degrees between these two but if you  take that 10 degree shift out a week  from now a month from now six months  from now a year from now you have a  revolution you have a totally different  destination and where your life turns up  because it's so much easier to change  the little things when you're way  upstream it's like I have a simple  philosophy kill the monster while it's  little when it's a baby don't wait till  it's eating the city before you've  killed the monster okay and we all have  little monsters inside that we want to  handle we also have some real great  things that we want to magnify  [Music]  one of the things that changes your life  is when you think you've hit your  highest standard what makes wife never  the same again is when you literally  decide that there is a higher standard  fear when you decide there is more and  that's a conscious decision you see in  an athlete when there's nothing  physically left inside of them it  appears and and no one else expects it  from them and they reach down inside and  they step up right to the challenge and  you can just see it it's determination  right it's will its faith its courage  its passion its when you reach them you  find something more inside of you and by  the way that's where all the juice is  that's what you all came here for  whether you tell me that or not and it  looks what you really want you may have  other ways of languaging what you want  but you're hoping for are those core  feelings but those core feelings are  things you can have in a heartbeat you  just must exert them but it starts with  even the way you move so I want you to  think about constantly raising the  standard because if you and wife are in  a position will you do a poor job at  something and that's your standard like  in on a regular basis pretty you don't  really you don't even do a good job  you're pretty poor at it and life you  the poor job what kind of rewards you  get for a poor job or that's what I used  to think too I used to think if you did  a poor job you got poor reward seem to  make sense that's not how life is rigged  you do it for a job you get no rewards  you do poor job you'd at the door poor  job too often you're out of here you get  downsized right sighs out sourced isn't  that true you do a poor job in a  relationship it's that first is not  going to stick around you do a poor job  with your kids they end up in jail poor  equals pain poor there are no rewards  for poor it's not an equal deal you poor  job you get a poor reward wrong let's  say that standards way down here now the  next level of standards would be the  huge jump way up here to something  called good now when you do a good job  at something what kind of rewards to get  something you say good no I used to  think that's who you do a good job you  get good rewards wrong I'll tell you the  most scary thing that happens to me  every day in my life  I get stopped every single day by at  least a dozen people they come up and  they either tell me incredible stories  about their life has changed they'll say  something like mr. Robbins and they're  really serious and you can see there's  some pain they go you know I watched you  on TV and I thought I've ever met  I'm asking this question I'll ask me  questions something like I'm really good  man how come my wife left me or and it's  heartbreaking or so sad I'm really good  wife how come my husband left me or I'm  really I care about my kids how come  they hate me  how come my kids on cocaine and it tears  me up inside because I care so much  about people and you can't tell them  what the truth is the truth is you did a  good job and that's the problem that's  the problem because we can do a good job  what kind of words you get poor so the  bottom line is most people here are  really trying to do a good job and most  people are really good you know they're  really good I was a good man and I was  fat and I was overweight and in the  emotional sense I was broke financially  I was broke spiritually as wiped out I  was a good guy but I was so frustrated  as I said I'm good you got to know goods  not good enough now I know none of you  would settle for good you wouldn't come  here you're all overachievers right so  poor is not even in the realm of your  possibility good this big jump here you  go that's for wusses you guys here our  ultimate zebras you're way up here with  thing called excellence am i right  [Applause]  that's what I thought how many here are  committed to excellence AI outstanding  we need to do an excellent job at  something what kind of rewards to get  good then you know what it really annoys  you too doesn't it  because most people wait a sec I mean if  it done this ever achieve the goal man  you win for it you achieved it man you  made it happen that you went is this all  there is  how many been in that place it's kind of  like a depressing moment isn't it  because you work so hard for you achieve  the goal you're still not happy that's  because you were really excellent see  excellence is like you're like one of  the best you know excellence is you  really do you know an excellent job I  mean you're not just good you're  certainly not poor for God's sakes  you should have bigger rewards  emotionally or financially or in your  career in your relationship for being  excellent nope you know oh I don't have  any left there's nothing left to me I've  given my all nope you're not giving your  all there's that little piece you  haven't got to then if you get to it you  get all the rewards because if this is  poor huge jump to good huge jumps  excellence here's the good news all the  rewards are the next level and they're  disproportionate I mean they're like way  beyond what you can imagine and the good  news is they're about this much higher  in the Nexus and a little right there  all right okay and that level  hallelujah feels like it feels like a  servant at this point that level right  here that's just a few inches above it's  called  outstanding and when you are outstanding  when you stand out from all the rest and  your courage and your commitment and  your persistence and your love and your  dedication and your skill set in your  whatever you get all the rewards and  it's unfair really because you're only a  little bit better than those people  they're excellent but your rewards are  like a gazillion amount it's just being  outstanding on a consistent basis  instead of being excellent and that  difference by the way is not usually  really a large skill difference it's a  psychology difference it's a standard  difference it's what you hold yourself  to I mean did you watch the opening to  the Olympics in Atlanta when this guy  walked out on if you remember how many  how many saw the opening to the Olympics  and this little guy walks out he's 97  years old he's the oldest living gold  medalists he walks it out to the field  and what happens 100,000 people see him  stand up and clap the president cried I  mean why don't he know what this guy is  because they know he was outstanding  probably 40 50 60 years ago unbelievable  think about 70 years ago that's what we  value outstanding in a culture a good  example is Kerri Strug now this little  girl remember what happened this little  girl gets her injured and it's like a  movie right it's like a Rocky movie all  encapsulated because you're watching  like the Americans finally look like for  the first time they're gonna be able to  finally win finally beat the Russians  and sure enough also this girl wrecks  her leg and she does the everybody's  like oh my god it's over I can't happen  there she goes holds it in  now what happens she goes away  everybody's there an Olson the hall  monitor comes angles my god I can't  believe it I can't believe she's  standing up she's running towards the  mat she couldn't she can't it couldn't  be  she's not gonna fly this she the whole  place gets really dramatic and quiet and  this little girl with nothing but guts  and heart through the pain goes and  Lance holds just long gonna pulls that  leg up and everybody goes crazy they win  the gold medal how many of you cried  come on  right up there come on you don't even  know this girl if you felt the emotion  in that moment if you cry or you felt  celebratory the only one reason why  because in that moment you recognize the  part of you that's what made you me and  feel moved you know there's a part of  you that's outstanding  if you cried it may have been that  you're not fully utilizing that part of  you and you realize that don't felt  celebratory maybe you just for a moment  the member would feel like if you engage  that part of you that only happens by a  decision because it wasn't skill that  made her win it was hard and that's  something you have total control of if  you'll push yourself beyond anything you  thought was available like lifting a  weight like I mean how do you build a  bicep how do you do it what do you got  to do you've got a demand you're gonna  put a huge demand on it consistently  don't you you have to take away you can  exercise it if you don't exercise it it  atrophies but to grow a muscle like  really build it you've got to take on  something that's much harder much more  uncomfortable not what you plan for not  what's comfortable for you and if you  make yourself do it even though it's  uncomfortable and you do it again and  again you get growth because as you  would make a demand the muscle expands  so it is true with the muscle called  passion the more you demand of it the  more it'll expand but if you just do  what you're already comfortable with you  leave here kind of pumped up feeling  good and yes it wasn't that a cool  seminar but your life won't be changed  you'll find a great weekend that'll last  a month or so that's not why I came by I  really want to see you give yourself the  gift of raising the standard by the way  if I'm gonna do ten curls which one of  those ten gives me which one's ten do I  want to do the least probably which one  number ten which one gives you all the  growth number eleven good people do ten  went in is what's asked of them  excellent people usually ten and a  little half how standing people always  do more than it's expected them because  they're not doing it for someone else  they're doing it for what they know  they're capable it's when you feel like  you don't have an ounce left and you  make yourself do it when all of your  life has changed so imagine you've come  to the mental emotional and spiritual  gym I'm not here to tell you what to  believe religiously in any way of no  conversation for you there I am  respectful of whatever you believe  whatever you believe I'd say practice it  but spirituality is not just religion  it's the way you live your life so if  you entered the mental emotional  physical and spiritual gym then will you  be here to do is to push yourself harder  than ever before because if you go in  that gym and just kind of hang out  you're gonna get exactly what you put  into this gym now I won't ask you to do  anything I don't put myself there first  so I will be an example of what's  possible in my own way but you want to  be your way but I'll show you the  standard of what can be done here  because I know that if you'll join me in  this little part of the journey you're  gonna experience more of yourself  because it's just a law of you it's not  me it's the law of physiology law the  mind and the emotion this conversation  make any sense now let me tell you a  mistake most people make in life they  live by a philosophy of some day some  day I will be able to feel the way I  want to feel win when I meet a certain  person when I achieve a certain income  when I finally get that position in my  business when I finally turn things  around when I finally physically fit  some day win and that somebody never  shows up because then you meet the  person to go yeah but I really make the  right choice that really empowers the  relationship right or you make the money  than people worry they're gonna lose it  or they achieve the job then they worry  someone else going to get that position  so some day never comes  so one thing you've got to do is learn  to train your nervous system to feel  good  how many find that when you feel good  you're not just happy but you actually  perform better and you also are better  in the way you treat other people as  well I mean find that to be true say I  then I want us to train ourselves like a  muscle to feel good to drill that into  our nervous system because feeling good  is a physiology it's a way of moving  it's a way of breathing because the way  you feel is totally related to the way  that you move emotion ladies and  gentlemen is created by motion right  emotions created by motion the more you  move more you're gonna feel and people  are very limited emotion in a very  limited emotion in their face their body  they're kind of holding everything back  so what you want to do is loosen up and  be a little crazy so one way to do that  is not to wait to have the good feelings  you want because see you think  when something happens then you're gonna  feel good but who's gonna make you feel  good when that thing happens you are  yeah when I finally make that money they  don't feel good oh yeah how do you know  well cuz I'll have the side to feel good  at that point haha  why not decide now feel good while  you're on the way to doing that do both  why wait right or you know it's like  like people say all the time you know  they go through a tough situation it'll  some day we'll look back and laugh at  this  why wait and have you gonna do it  someday might as well look back right  now get it over with right so our laugh  and have some fun with it most of us do  not have the privilege of an environment  that is surrounded with only outstanding  people and if you were to ask me Sonia  before you tell me anything else what  would be the most important tool to  influencing the quality of my life  forever above all else my first hands  down answer was the ability to manage  your state the state of your mind and  body during tough times the capacity to  do that is the number one skill that  will basically determine your destiny  because the state you are in will  determine your decisions about what to  believe and what to feel and what to do  and what you do will create the results  of your life known as your destiny at  least the one on earth so the bottom  line is state is everything so we're  gonna learn how to master that but if I  had to give you the number two it's who  you surround yourself with who you  associate to is who you will become  because it's so easy to surround  ourselves with people of a lower  standard that we have and the problem  with that is sooner or later if you're  around people and you care about them  you don't want to be judging them so you  lower your standard for them you can't  help but lower the standard for you two  when if somebody you care about it  happens it's the old adage you lie down  with dogs you come up with fleas it  sounds terrible it was really accurate  I was speaking for the Marines recently  and I'm talking to them and I'm it was  an interesting thing I went out to Camp  Pendleton there's only two places the  Marines train and I got to be with this  huge group a couple thousand of these  guys as well as all of them brand new  recruit  just made it through boot camp and  another group of guys that have been on  a nine-day wilderness retreat where they  don't let him eat for four days and they  starve them anything else but they  didn't want to miss my talk so they  brought him out and full gear they're  black and green paint across their faces  they're m4 tees right all standing there  at attention while I spoke for four  hours but I was talking to them about  standards because the Marines have  helped all of those men and women to  raise their standards and they have a  different quality of life within the  context of being a Marine now whether  that's the quality of life you want so  another thing but that's what they have  they have a higher physical standard  that's for sure  mental standard discipline standard then  they ever have their lives before and  all I know how to do with being in that  environment I talked about how they have  to take that environment wherever they  go have a higher standard than the  Marines have they have to have a higher  standard when they leave the Marines and  I was talking later on to one of the  generals there and he was talking to me  he's saying Tony you know what you said  was so on the mark these men have  developed pride in themselves because  they've made themselves do things that  they normally wouldn't have done but he  said it's definitely been influenced by  this environment and men even when they  leave this environment this will have  been the peak of their life in terms of  how proud they were of themselves and  what they accomplished in their life  though many of them will never do  they'll never translate this standard to  their daily life when they leave here he  said why do you think that is do you  think it's because people don't care or  people are basically lazy or you have to  supervise people or you know you went to  all these things I said no I said I  really think it's that most people's  lives our direct reflection a direct  reflection of the expectations of their  peer group what does that mean well your  peer group first of all is anybody  around you that you respect and you give  them emotional power meaning what they  think of what they feel affects you  they're your friend you wanted to like  you so at some level whether you're  aware of it consciously not affects you  maybe it's your family members I don't  know who your peer group is maybe it's  people at work but it's the people that  you care what they think or feel even if  you say you don't we all care at some  level right who are those people for you  that's your peer group and your life  will be a direct reflection of the  expectations your peer group and here's  the challenge what if you have a higher  expectation for your life than the  people you surround yourself with higher  expectation for what you want from your  life terms your  passion or joy or love higher  expectation of what you want to  accomplish higher expectation of what  you want to feel or spirituality or  whatever it is well now you have a  conflict because now what'll happen is  if you have a higher expectation than  your peer group your peer group but  really just care about you will pull you  down not because they're trying to pull  you down because they don't want to lose  you so let's say hey come on don't be so  serious don't be working at that all the  time come on relax geez what's the  matter with you and they will find ways  to undermine what's going on not because  they don't love you because they do love  you because unconsciously they sense oh  my god you might change grow or expand  what would that mean to me I could get  left behind and most of this want loves  so much at an unconscious level if not  at a conscious level we want acceptance  so much that through time gradually over  the years we lose what our dreams are we  lose our expectations and what we once  thought was a must is kind of a well  interesting we don't even think about  anymore it's not even a should or maybe  it's a should some day if all comes  together and so I would say to you that  you have an opportunity to get a fresh  look at your life this is a crash course  in transforming every of your life that  you want to the value is we're gonna  create an environmental standard here  that's quite extraordinary we're gonna  create it together  mark my words whoever you spend time  with you will become so you better  choose real well I might saying get rid  of your friends no here's the other way  you can do it you can lead you can have  such high standard that no matter how  low the standard is above you or how  nice it is you can take it from good to  excellent outstanding for your friends  if they have the desire and if they have  enough caring to be with you but you're  gonna have to make those choices it's  not the kind of conversation that you  hear in a positive thinking kind of  environment I'm not saying go surround  yourself with positive people I'm saying  you got to make sure that wherever you  are you at least have some core friends  that have a standard that is so high  that both of you will grow it's like if  you want to play tennis you don't play  against somebody who's worse than you  are on a regular basis and expect to get  better just doesn't happen if you got  the guts you play somebody's better than  you are and you work like crazy so you  can move it up and maybe you have some  people who play at your level too but  you got to play at that game  raise that standard what if I was gonna  say like in two words what's this all  about it's about stepping up man and you  gotta decide to step up or pull back  so you got to take a look and say okay  what is it that I really want and I'm  gonna make some really conscious choices  and if you make those you can have more  fun you've ever had before it's not like  I'm living a life that's totally  discipline cuz this is one never laughs  cuz this one is painful you do it anyway  you got to do it anyway in the beginning  but after a while it becomes natural for  you because it's so rewarding to play at  this level called outstanding you won't  want to go back it won't be I got a  discipline myself it'll be this is who I  am and that's when things really should  [Music]  let me tell you a secret it's so easy to  feel good the only reason you're not is  standards you don't have a standard to  feel good all the time because Society  said feeling bad that's natural feeling  good old time huh you got a problem  right second you don't believe it and  thirdly you don't know the strategy  consciously here's what you need to  understand any emotion you're feeling is  just a pattern it's a pattern of how you  use your body it's a pattern of how you  use language it's a pattern of what you  tend to focus on and believe about it  those three patterns make up all your  emotions if you're upset using your body  in a certain way you're saying certain  things outside and inside your head in a  certain way and I don't mean this  self-talk positive thinking I mean  certain words trigger you like if I say  Michael you're mistaken that feels  different if I say Michael you are wrong  that's different to say Michael you are  lying  how many can feel the difference to you  know three is someone Sam do you say I  so there are certain words we have like  being positive certain words that will  fire off your emotion in different ways  different levels and your belief what  you're certain is gonna happen affects  you so people get in habits again and  again and then they think they're not  doing it they think it just happens  because something environment happens  and they start doing it it's just a  pattern you learned a long time ago and  you've done it so long it's in great so  there are three patterns I call it the  Triad that everything that you feel are  creative and whether you do something or  not it's based on how you feel for  example faith determination are triads  they are nothing but a big word a  generalization for three things you're  doing when you're determined use your  body in a certain way when you're  determined you do certain things in your  head and what you say to yourself are  out loud and you picture or focus on  certain things and believe certain  things when you're fearful you do  something different with your body  something different with your language  something different with what you focus  on and belief how many follow the  general father this AI so you don't get  depressed you do depression see most  people think if they take any presents  they will get depressed full I do a lot  of time some people take a maximum  dosage is six seven eight pills at a  time still get depressed cuz your body  override all that  because depression comes from a triad  some people get depressed because they  think they're getting older somebody  depressed because they think they're  gonna lose their relationships I may go  to print we all come up the reasons  whenever you think your future is  uncertain when you feel like you have no  future when you feel completely  overwhelmed like you can't figure it out  then people feel depressed doesn't mean  how many drugs you take so the challenge  is not that you're not capable of not  being depressed the challenge is that  she believes she needs to be depressed  now that's a pretty ugly thing to say  but it's true because we live in a  culture that if you weren't really sad  when you lose somebody then obviously  you don't care but are their cultures  I'm just curious where where someone  dies where their belief is death is the  beginning and not the end the death is  graduation and where they not only  believe that like intellectually believe  it but they know it in their soul and  since they believe that and know it they  also believe that to be sad is blasphemy  or a form of selfishness because it  means you don't really want them to have  you're thinking about yourself and not  they're better good I'm not suggesting  that's all true but other cultures that  believe that and where people never  really feel depressed yes or no so what  we feel is based upon three pattern as I  said one of those patterns I should tell  you right now is the pattern of  physiology which is a fancy word for the  way we use our physical body now very  often people come to me and they say  things like mr. Robbins I don't know  what it is but I just feel down all the  time  another one is I feel so up why do you  think I feel so up all the time or soon  as you come to me see Miss Robbins Allen  word is but I feel angry all the time  you think you could help me why don't we  start with your face okay I mean think  about it you don't feel an emotion you  do an emotion I want you to get this now  I know you react the most of you to some  trigger in the environment but can  someone else have the same trigger and  react differently yes or no that's  called wisdom it's called intelligence  that's called using the gifts God gave  you instead of just reacting like an  animal and we all are going to react the  times but you don't want to stay there  for months and months and months and  months or years or days or even hours  you want to raise the standard so it  doesn't you don't feel feelings I mean I  have sad feelings I have hurt feelings  that frustration feelings don't get me  wrong but I don't live there and  sometimes good to feel those for a short  burst just enough to get you to do  something to make something better or to  appreciate something but to live there  see some people do it so much over and  over and over again till pretty soon  this is all they do continuously it's  condition and then they go I can't help  it yes your kids they're talking like a  human because you behave differently in  a different state and you're totally in  control your state your state is not  controlled by what someone else says or  someone else does or what you see in the  environment you have one unbelievable  gift from your Creator that we all  cannot deny and that is the capacity any  moment's notice in a heartbeat to change  your state every hero does it when  there's only get stuff somehow they get  outside their own fear of their own pain  and they step up all it is is a state  change a hero is a state of mind  sometimes it's time to be your own hero  instead of waiting for someone else to  rescue you  so physiology is the first part second  pattern is a pattern of language now  language is an interesting thing there  are two distinctions here one  distinction I call T V T V stands for  transformational vocabulary there are  certain words as I said earlier that  magnify human emotion and certain words  that'll lower the intensity of human  emotion so you just gotta notice which  words if you say to somebody something  like you know I really like you a lot I  gives a different experience if you say  I love you that's a very different  experience that have you said something  even more colorful transformational  vocabulary means there are certain words  to just paint changing a word you change  your speech like have you ever heard  someone listen to a speaker that just  listening to them like moved you or  inspired you like maybe a Martin Luther  King or a John F Kennedy or somebody of  that nature how many remember somebody  like that say ah well they moved you  with just words and words to have a  vocal quality probably attached to it  but guess who's moving you everyday with  words you are but the problem is most of  these aren't noticing the key words that  either make you depressed or make you  excited now sometimes we put a group of  words together and we start developing a  belief system but the way we develop it  as we incant it most of the things you  believe start is what I call  incantations  what's an incantation an incantation is  like when you say something again and  again and again with emotional  intensities it's not like an affirmation  you can go I'm happy I'm happy I'm happy  I'm happy I'm attic still not feel happy  that's an affirmation what turns and  information into an incantation is when  your entire physiology is involved  because the one who does it sends  different signals to your nervous system  that you mean it when you say something  like you can say to somebody something  like I love you or you can say I love  you or you can say I love you and you're  sending a different message right to the  body by the way you encountered it it's  not just the word so in incantations  when you say a phrase again again with  enough physiology emotional intensity  that it wires your brain it's like ever  had this experience somebody says hey  could you get me the salt and you think  you're some I don't know what the salt  is right and so you say I don't know  with a salt is they said well it's just  in the kitchen you've been there it's on  the second shelf I don't know where it  is  come on just go get I don't know where  the salt is come on go get you so I  don't know where it is  go get it fine I don't know what it's  salted I don't know the salt is I can't  find the salt I can't find it so you'd  open if I can't find salt you look I  can't find the salt it's not here it's  on the second shelf  fun salt kids can't fun I can't I can't  find the salt they walk in stand right  next to you reach right in from your  face and go what is this  how many thought were these experiences  say I now did your eyes see the salt yes  but your brain did not allow you to  perceive the salt because you encamped  it twenty times you couldn't find it and  your brain doesn't to make you turn you  into a wire okay and we do this to  ourselves all the time right and in  psychology there's a term for it we call  it a scotoma a blind spot where you talk  to somebody and like you're using one  eye they can't even see it it's like  right there in their face and it's an  idea because they mean in Canning it  forever so people kind of miss Robins  like I just can't figure out what I want  for my life I can't figure out what I  want I don't know what I want I can't  figure what I want what do you think I  can't figure out what I want and because  you just said 12 times I can't figure it  out with total emotional intensity maybe  a clue okay you have to be careful about  your incantations okay now so language  to certain phrases the users certain  words we use that lock us into those  states they're like hypnosis like  remember in the you know you even  mythology or the times of King Arthur  and you know Merlin the magician would  come along and he would incant these  phrases over and over again right and it  will happen Eterna frog into a prince or  Prince to the front well that's what  we're doing to ourselves all the time so  we got to be smart and start noticing  those triggers and those phrases put you  in those states it's not what happened  it's what you're doing your body and  it's what your incanting are the words  you're using then the third pattern that  creates any emotion you're feeling is  the pattern of what you focus on and  what you believe about it focus / belief  what you focus on and what you believe  about it if you were in a position where  you believe that nothing ever works for  you then that belief won't begin to take  over you'll start to feel that way now  if you take somebody's depressed and you  give them a drug will it work yes  because it changes the pattern of  physiology for the moment when you  change someone's biochemistry that  changes the way they respond for the  moment but when that person takes that  drug but then they keep folk  singer on what they don't want or they  don't have in their life or what's  missing or they don't have a future  and they keep incanting it even though  they took the drug these two will  overpower this one  that's how someone could take a drug and  antidepressant and still be depressed  and the person says oh we just got the  wrong brand let's mix two of these  together and overcome it see what that's  called is trying to put a bandaid on  something that's not going to heal  because you haven't dealt with the  source of it and deal with the source of  it's really quite easy we got to change  the belief that makes us keep using that  physiology but very often we don't have  do that we just change the pattern of  physiology the belief goes away the  secret though is to condition it so it  stays now obviously there's more to it  than I'm talking about but this is the  fundamental basis of making your life  work because whatever you think your  life working is will come down to some  emotions you want to feel love and joy  and excitement and passion and peace and  connection to God and your friends and  all that stuff and guess what you're  doing all of it or you're not doing all  of it and if you're not doing it we're  just got to see what are you doing  what's changing the only reason you  don't as you don't believe it's possible  the reason you don't is because you keep  using the same physiology I don't know  why I'm so secure don't know why and  then all of a sudden we change it and  everything shifts and then what we now  do is condition it so the question is  this what is it that stops you from  getting what you want  the answer is fear that's it fear of  failure fear of success fear of  rejection fear the unknown feeling and  being disappointed that fear if you're  not looking good it's just fear now no  achievers ever admit to being fearful  they're just stressed so I'm really  stressed cuz I'm not gonna make the  meeting what you're really saying is I'm  afraid I'm not gonna make the meeting or  what happens you don't make me mean  someone will be upset with me or I won't  be this or won't be perfect it won't be  whatever I won't meet the rules and then  I won't feel good it's fear next let me  say you're stressed just tell yourself  the truth you're afraid right even if  you're an achiever yes you do have fears  having fears is called being human the  secret though is when you identify it is  to attack it and to change it and the  fastest way by the way of these three to  change one state is the first quadrant  of the triad physiology a radical change  in physiology will change you faster  than anything you can try and think  yourself into because what you're doing  is it's like  the plug you know you got a great  computer but you don't plug it in it's  not gonna work too well but when you  change your physiology it's like TV it's  like changing the channel now you go  from a sad story to an adventure just by  making a change in the channel the way  you use your physiology in that moment  okay  so think of it in those terms physiology  language focus / belief anything you  want to change will come down to  changing those three things  [Music]  I got a phone call found out there's a  lace um you remember entertainer name  Carly Simon the Carly Simon couldn't get  on stage and I heard you couldn't get on  stage and somebody was talking to me and  I wasn't able to come help her because I  just wasn't available but I did find out  from the friend what her symptoms were  here's what she would do she would do  something very similar to what I had  seen as a pattern with someone else fact  let me even someone else first I mean  Bruce Springsteen for the first time  meet Bruce I'm big fan I'm like really  excited to meet him like use the my hero  right and so I go up to talk to  everything else and I haven't talked to  him he's really nice and I said you know  tell me something what's it like for you  on stage do you still get juiced cuz  it's still like are you did you your  body get going to your mind you going or  you just really relaxed like what's it  like for you I'm curious after all these  years are you kidding me he said every  single time I go out there he said I  feel a certain thing happen to my body I  want you to these parallels here's the  Carly Simon says here's what he says  about going on stage Carly Simon Says  when I think about going on stage what  happens is my heart starts beating  really really fast and she goes and then  my whole thing might might my muscles in  my hands start to tighten up I start to  sweat and my breathing starts to speed  up as I think about going out there she  says everything starts speeding up  faster and faster I feel all this  tension all this pressure and she goes  and then I know I'm having a panic  attack and I can't go out Bruce  Springsteen says you know when I think  about going out there he said like  everything my body starts speeding up he  said I feel this tension in my hands I  said I sweat me still today just like  before my heart starts beating like  crazy so right then I go man I know I'm  ready someone starts feel something oh  my god oh my god I'm so I'm so stressed  right well I'm feeling stressed you can  go I'm feeling excited because stressed  and excited are very close aren't they  and what happens there's a subtle change  and usually when you put the language on  it it shifts it you may have been on the  verge you can go from either one so it's  uh pull and break it down and break it  down no maybe you're breaking through so  you got to know that this is not some  fancy schmancy like psychobabble  this is human physiology so fears  knowing stops you how fast can you get  out of fear  heartbeat but most of you don't for two  reasons it's not a must you don't have a  standard that says I must  when you - you do watch people in war  some of them go claps but most of the  figure it's a must and they figure it  out don't they I go watch that an  unbelievably intense movie about Private  Ryan I haven't seen it but I've heard a  bunch of people tell me about it sounds  like you get a real reality check but  words like an you see how people  function in that environment  it's just a must so they figure it out  stuff they would never normally do day  to day they could never handle day today  they have to so they do don't make life  make you have to you make the have to so  it's product if so fears what stops what  changes our whole life is action why  don't we take action fear what we gonna  do to get ourselves to do it we got to  make sure that we push ourselves through  it by making a decision the point in  which change happens is the decision  every change in your life that you want  will come from something simple a  decision people what does make the  change decide but y'all got sounds so  simple and so BC was that easy to  already have done it mr. Robbins  no it is that easy and you're still not  doing it because you are not putting  yourself in a state to decide see a real  decision is not like a preference it's  not like what you say I'll try it and  see that's not a decision decision comes  from Latin amines like incision to cut  off from decision is when you cut off  any possibility except the thing you've  committed to it's like that is it how  many of you in this room have ever  smoked cigarettes and in one day you  finally decided no more I mean really  decided and you've never touched again  and you're not even tempted to how many  made that decision one time say I you  know what a real decision is if I came  to you today and I said which is like a  cigarette would you go what brand is it  no you'd probably say to me no I'm not a  I want you here that you can only say I  don't smoke you say I'm not even that  kind of person you literally divorce  yourself from eating that kind of person  so it's no effort when you really decide  it's not an effort once you've cut it  off it doesn't take effort deciding  takes effort but once you decided it's  over you don't think about anymore it's  like it's easier to fast than it is the  diet because you're fasting somebody  offers you something you don't even  think about you know I'm not eating all  right when you're dining you're like  well maybe you got a livable  the movies the cake not that many  calories I'm pretty soon you're back to  where you were again so a real decision  is what you got to make when you make a  real decision life changes but it's a  real decision you burn your bridges you  only move forward now the way to get  yourself there is to put yourself and  stay and condition it conditioning is  this build the muscle do you do it one  time no you do it a lot and you do  beyond what you're comfortable with it  and the muscle expands and now what used  to be hard to do is the muscle grows is  easy that's the same thing with every  other kind of muscle but I'll give you  one example  they take monkeys I don't improve this  research but this is what they do and UC  Irvine University California Irvine  they've done these studies where they  take monkeys and they will take four of  their fingers and tape them down then  they take one finger and they've been it  back and forth ten thousand times every  time they've been this finger back and  forth like this use this as a metaphor  in your brain for you to do this once  twice you have to make connections  between neurons in your brain neurons a  big word for nerve cells so to do this  imagine as a metaphor if not exactly  like this to do this once you're gonna  put a connection a thin thread how to be  grown between this neuron and this  neuron has an example that's a metaphor  do it again two thin threads two at ten  thousand times and guess what you are  wired to do this here's the point  they untape the monkey's fingers and  what does he do constantly for no good  reason he's wired conditioned to do this  now how does this relate to you well how  many of you go to work the same way  every day you drive on the same on-ramp  go to the same direction and get off on  the same on honey got a pattern like  that say I  how many been a day when you're supposed  to go the opposite direction in the  freeway or the road but you're on the  cell phone your brain is out to lunch  and you get on the same on right go in  the same direction that you normally do  this the wrong way say I your monkeys  can you condition yourself to feel  depressed so where it literally it feels  more comfortable because you go there  more often and you're wired to be there  yes or no  can you condition yourself to be quick  to anger yes or no can you condition  yourself to feeling overwhelmed at the  drop of a hat  can you condition yourself to feel loved  all the time even if people say I hate  you yes could you still fill up could  you condition yourself to feel happy as  a consistent way of living all the time  yes or no but you know what most people  don't believe that but of course it is  it's the same nervous system but the  environment reinforces negative behavior  more than positive Google how's it going  oh my life is so easy for you some  pretty soon you learn to go yeah I'm  doing okay you don't want any too good  because then your peer group would be  unhappy with you because they're not  feeling so good so you learn to downplay  it and then you don't reward yourself so  your brain doesn't go for more because  it goes we got to stay rather than in  here there's our little comfort zone so  we're gonna condition ourselves to meet  a peak state especially when you're  exhausted because like remember when  you're doing the muscle when you wonder  where you can't lift one more and you  make yourself do it that's where I get  all the growth so when you're most tired  so I gotta push yourself if you didn't  listen anything I said but all you did  was keep yourself in peak state for  three days you'll develop something  called the emotional muscle and  emotional muscles where whole life comes  in repetition is the mother of skill so  it gets conditioned til it's automatic  I'll give you a clue you know I told you  about them doing this with a finger of  the animal here's what I discovered  don't have to do this ten thousand times  all you got to do is do this about two  dozen max three dozen if every time they  do this they stimulate the pleasure  center of the brain of the animal and  they do that literally physically by  pushing a little needle in the area of  the brain that creates pleasure but what  happens is when you do this they do this  and they create pleasure instead of one  string they get like 500 every time you  do with pleasure  so what happens is you can condition  yourself with that pleasure and you can  get this done in a short time doesn't  have to take you five years so we want  to purposely put ourselves in these peak  States over and over again not as a  rah-rah session but literally is a  training tool for our human nervous  system how many follow let's say I and  the secret is when you don't feel like  doing it that's when you got to do it  the most because that's when you'll get  the real condition  but don't just do it like alright yeah  yes yes okay you got a smile and make  yourself feel good while you're doing it  and make it better each time  [Music]  [Music]  how many of you have ever said I want to  change something but I don't want to  lose weight I wanted this I wanted that  and you started to create change only to  go back to where you were how many done  this day I I want to show you how to  create lasting change because anybody  can change for the moment the lasting  changes what you really after and I'll  tell you a little background that's two  second background most of my career  early on I just love people and I wanted  to make changes in my own life initially  so I became obsessed with saying okay  what are the best tools how can I change  and early in my life when I was about 16  years old I decided I want to read a  book a day because I figured man if I  could take ten years like some bunch of  ten years to write a book let's say I  could take ten years of their experience  and absorb it in a day and I did that  for the course of a couple of years I  realized I believed anyway I would have  such an incredible experience on base  but I haven't have all the years and I  did it primarily because I want to  improve myself I wanted to make changes  I grew up in environment I didn't like  well I didn't quite do that but I read  about 700 books over the period about  seven or eight years seven half years  all in the area of human development  psychology physiology anything I thought  could really make a difference for  people and then what I did was I  actually applied what I learned your  great extent because lots of people get  lots of knowledge but they don't use it  so I kept trying to use it and as I made  changes in myself it became natural as I  got excited and saw results and my  friends saw results in me start helping  my friends and then I got addicted to  that I got addicted to having the  solutions I mean he'll help people I  really cared about and pretty soon the  time I was in high school I was known as  mr. solution you had a problem you saw  me especially if you were a girl and not  a problem boyfriend I would be happy to  change those problems yeah but the point  of the matter is I really did I mean I  was obsessed by it and then as I  developed this as my career I develop  more and more skills and then gradually  by the time I was 20 years old 19 20  years old I became exposed to a series  of what at that time were the cutting  edge tools and creating change like  really rapid fire change  not lying on your back freely  associating and analyzing what's wrong  with your life but but really making the  change happen now and those days the  tools were things like neuro-linguistic  programming which you probably heard up  by now which I wouldn't honestly say is  cutting-edge anymore but there's some  great tools in there that I still use  some which I'll share with you this  weekend they're just great fundamental  tools and Gestalt which is really  antiquated now but there's still some  useful tools in it or ericksonian  patterns and I went out I learned this  stuff and I learned how you can like  wipe out a person's lifetime phobia in  10 20 30 40 minutes as opposed to four  or five six or seven years and my  advantage was I didn't know what I  couldn't do because I didn't have years  of being a therapist and having to spend  years with a customer or client trying  to help them turn around and so when I  went to these classes I convinced the  owner to let me or that should say the  founder of these technologies and least  an NLP name was John grinder to let me  in these classes because in those days  it was always marriage and family  counselors psychologists and  psychiatrists I had no such degrees but  that was my advantage and I talked my  way in these classes just by pure  persistence and I saw the classes and  after three or four days we'd learned  like how to wipe out a phobia in a short  period of time and I remember turning to  these it was a six-month course and I  turned to these other therapists in the  class nice hey guys let's go find some  phobics and cure them and they all  looked at me like you're crazy you're  insane it's obvious you're not an  educated man I said what do you mean  they go well this is a six-month  training program gotta go through all  six months didn't you go through a  testing procedure and then if you  qualify the testing procedure then you  get certified and once you're certified  you can start doing this with people I  don't even sane I'm a business person  only for somebody to certify me to apply  something that's useful I said I'm gonna  do it now so picture this in your mind  I'm in Los Angeles California I've got  four days of training it's 11 o'clock at  night and I'm looking for someone to  help  I thought where do you go to help  somebody at eleven o'clock where do you  find someone needs help at 11 o'clock at  night in LA Denny's I figure anybody at  Denny's at 11 o'clock at night needs  help so I walk true story I walk into  this bin each 24-hour place was right  near the hotel where I was learning my  tools and I walk in this guy's standing  behind the counter there you know excuse  me singing mind the counter with his  meal and I walked when I go excuse me  sir my name is Tony Robbins tell me any  problem you have I'm a handler right now  and gradually I began to realize this  was not the best approach and so I  launched my career starting in Canada  and I did it by challenging traditional  psychiatrists and psychologists by  saying tell me your worst patient I  don't care who they are I'm the hell out  right here right now because what  happens my first one on the air I'd say  I could cure anything I don't care what  it is I don't get me phobic whatever and  then what happened as people call up and  I'd say yes and I give my money back  gaurantee to get results but the  psychiatrist in the early day would  attack me it's a liar and a charlatan it  was impossible so all I would do is say  great give me your worst patient give me  somebody who've never been able to cure  I said I'm sure you have plenty of those  and I had to work with him right and  after about I don't know not even three  months of doing that my reputation got a  line no one ever attacked me anymore  and as the years went by I got a little  bit more mature and the truth was I  didn't have a degree and I was  sensitized so I'd have degree and I I  was defensive about it and then if  someone attacked me obviously I attacked  back as hard as I could fortunately I  had some skills to attack back with  where I could get results instead of  just attacking but as the years went by  I got more mature and I said I Know Who  I am I don't need to prove to anybody  else you know now that I've got a couple  million people that I trained I also  have about 15,000 psychiatrists and  psychologists so as a result things  change but what really became my  trademark was this challenge format  where I would go out and I'd say I don't  care what your problem is stand up here  my hell it now and I do these in those  days and free guest events to build my  reputation so that people would see my  work was real and then they signed up to  kind of my seminars and when you do that  a lot pretty soon your whole life  becomes what's your problem what you  about boom what's your problem  and I got so wired by that and I was  just doing whatever it took to create  change within people  but did I have an experience I was  really proud of myself years went by  you know I was very successful I was  doing loved what I did and then we had a  really neat learning experience that  helped me to understand lasting change  even more powerfully and experience was  a man came to one of my seminars and  during what the breaks he walked up to  me and said do you recognize me he's  very intense and I said I don't remember  your name but I do recognize you I said  I need about 10,000 people a month but I  recognized your face I never forget a  face it's only think for a second I said  I don't know your name but you're from  New York all right which is probably  good guessed by his intensity anyway  right but seriously I do remember he's  from New York he said yeah I said I did  a smoking therapy on you like I don't  know five six seven years ago he said  that's right so how you doing  he reached in his pocket he pulls out a  pack of cigarettes camels sticks in my  face it goes you fail and I thought  myself get a little angry so don't get  angry learn learn learn stay centered  learn so I said Wow  I said so you're smoking I said yeah I  saw what happened I worked with you back  then for now how long have you been  smoking at that time since 16 years I  said how many packs today were smoking  he's a three pack sometimes four I said  okay so 16 years I said so I can't work  for you about an hour right now so what  happened he said I stopped smoking I  said how long he said for four years and  I'm looking at him right I said you  smoked for 16 years three or four packs  a day right I woke you for an hour you  don't smoke another cigarette for four  years now you're smoking and I screwed  up he that's right cuz you didn't  program me properly where I wouldn't he  long back to it  and when he said that I went hmm  something to think about I went wow  neuro-linguistic programming which was I  was teaching in those days gives you  this illusion that someone else is gonna  program you and then everything will be  fine but sees my life doesn't work  because I programmed myself 20 years ago  now everything's perfect my life works  because I've conditioned myself there's  a difference because conditioning you  can condition yourself enough that you  stay pumped but you have to keep  yourself in that environments like you  don't go work out once they go now I'm  fit for life right you make it part of  your life part of your lifestyle its  self reinforcing and your loving it's  who you  and that's why you're fit and strong and  healthy and so forth so I thought isn't  this interesting because I'm so money  help people I'm being the source of it  so I went out I did a little research  project with three of my associates and  we called a hundred people that I've  done work with over the years to see how  they did of those hundred people roughly  ninety seven percent ninety seven of  them had had lasting change there was  three of there didn't in all three cases  they have the exact same pattern I  hadn't programmed them some language  like that so what I began to realize and  I continued to follow up over the next  few years is that really there are three  beliefs you have to have first to have  lasting change and then there are three  steps you have to take first let's do  the three beliefs okay the first belief  you must have to have lasting change is  that change is a must and not assured so  you have to believe that something must  change not that something should change  if someone says you know I really should  go on a diet I go aunt ain't gonna  happen as I know it should never happens  should you do when it's convenient  should is not consistent must are the  things we find a way to do because we go  it is a must we take it to a different  level of consequence in our bodies and  our minds and our emotions and our  spirits so if there's something you  haven't changed and you keep thinking  about if it still hasn't changed I  guarantee you one of these or more of  these three beliefs that's missing first  one that's probably likely is you really  think you should change but it's not a  total absolute must in your gut now some  people really is that they think well  this weight must come off you know but  then I'm going to run a Jenny Craig or  someone else to do it for me there's  nothing wrong with Jenny Craig's great  as a coach but if Jenny Craig's the one  doing it for you or Tony Robbins the one  doing it for you then I get the muscle  and you don't so I'll be stronger and  healthier and you'll be okay for a while  until you get off on some uncomfortable  thing then you can blame me or Jenny  Craig or someone else why it didn't work  but if you know you're the source then  there's only one place to look which is  in the mirror so it cannot be based on  someone else it's got to be it must  change and I must change it now some  people believe okay this weight must  come off I know I must be the one to do  it right but or you know this  environment something's got to be done  and I know I must do something  but they have a third belief that keeps  them from doing it and I believe you've  got to have to do it is I can change it  I can change it  why is this one important why do I  believe it's not only changes a must but  also secondly believe I must change it  and most importantly I can because if  you don't believe you can change it then  are you gonna put a bunch of energy and  effort and force into something you  think it's not gonna work  of course not for you to really get the  result that you want you've got to  believe you can so for an awesome people  yea this weight must come off I know I  must do it but I can't why they'll say I  tried everything right I tried millions  of things I've tried it all you've not  tried it all you've not tried everything  or you would have got results but we  start telling ourselves these stories  and we start believing those  incantations now one of the reasons they  believe they can't do it is because they  never have before so I want to give you  a core belief to write down that's  really really important and that is this  the past does not equal the future the  past does not equal the future the past  does not equal the future see so often  people said I can't do this well it's  because they haven't done before or  they've never done it or they think  they've tried everything well you  haven't tried everything and if you try  to drive in the future using a rearview  mirror to guide yourself I Got News for  you you're gonna crash you have to be  able to look forward and create what you  want even if you've never been able do  it before if you just tried it it didn't  work this moment is new something about  you is new you made a new distinction  something you Mabel you unaware of maybe  the environments change maybe just need  to change your approach but you got to  believe that you can because the only  reason say you can't is you think you've  tried everything which is a why or you  believe that it just has never worked  before the past does not equal the  future unless you live there if you live  in the past and I guarantee your future  will be the same way now these are just  beliefs but beliefs control our actions  you  right down on the phrase and that is all  beliefs carry with them a consequences  all beliefs carry with them consequences  human behavior is belief driven okay all  beliefs carry with them consequences and  human behavior is belief driven what  does that mean  it simply means that if somebody does  something they got a reason even I mean  seem insane to you even if they may not  know the reason is consciously they got  a reason it's based on something they  believe that by doing this it'll give  them something they need or want  unconsciously some set of feelings they  need that's why people do what they do  so we all need to understand what a  belief is because people make a belief  into a thing and all the belief is is a  feeling I believe is a feeling it's all  it is right a belief is a feeling of  certainty it's all belief is a belief is  a feeling of certainty about what  something means so when you say I  believe this you're saying I'm certain  about this if you say Tony I believe I'm  an intelligent person what you're saying  is Tony I feel what I feel what certain  that I'm an intelligent person okay  that's all a belief is now let me give  you a metaphor what's the difference  between an idea and a belief well you  can have an idea that the world is flat  but not believe it not feel certain that  the world is flat or you can have a  belief that the world is around and be  certain the world is round let me give  you a metaphor for it here's the  difference between an idea and a belief  an idea is like a tabletop with no legs  now what's the problem the table top or  no legs if you push against it what's it  gonna do fall down there's nothing to  hold it up there's nothing to make it  solid or certain what a belief is is a  tabletop with legs underneath it to  support it so let me give you an example  I want you to think about something for  a moment how many of you have references  I'm not saying you believe this but you  have experiences know by the way  references can be things you've  experienced things you've read about the  things people told you or even things  you've imagined  can you imagine enough things that your  now things are like make up something in  your head and then find out later you  were dead wrong  how many Verdun this AI okay so  references are not just experiences from  the past or are things you can make up  read about etc how many of you have some  beliefs they intellectually you know  better but emotionally they still  control you  how many have some beliefs like I say I  okay so the only reason you develop a  belief is so you can feel certain and  make decisions quickly about how to get  pleasure or how to avoid pain so the  only way to get rid of a belief is you  destroy it by sweeping the legs like  questioning these references like in  that in a martial arts competition you  take out somebody's legs their fight  disappears saving is true the belief the  other way you can get rid of it is by  linking a massive amount of what to the  all belief that doesn't serve you a mass  amount of what pain if you link enough  to it your brain will avoid it and now  you have a chance to create an  alternative okay so now let's talk about  one of the three steps these are the  three beliefs it must change I must  change it I can change it what are the  actual three steps to creating change  here's the first step you want to create  lasting change in yourself or someone  else this is always step one if you  tried and fail to create change this is  the thing you didn't have enough of and  it's called leverage leverage what is  leverage well leverage is when a person  in their mind in their body and their  emotion in their nervous system when  they link up that not changing like  failing to change right now  we'll meet unbearable immediate  devastating levels of pain I guarantee  you they'll find a way to change like  what have you said I'm really depressed  I put a gun to your head and said get  happy quicker I'm gonna blow your brains  out how many think you might be able to  find a way to get happier rapidly  meeseeks your hands whereas four years  you were sitting on therapists couch and  you couldn't handle it the only  difference is I brought more what to the  table leverage greater consequence the  reason we don't change is on the one  hand we want to change because we're not  thoroughly happy but on the other hand  we're afraid changing itself might be  painful or we might go through that hole  and it still might not work and then  we'd be disappointed that feel even  worse  so the reason we don't change do we  think change equals pain the reason we  do change one is when we see not  changing is more painful than anything  else so to get leverage you want to  accomplish two things you want to get  the person you're wanting to change  whether it be yourself or someone else  to associate associate means not just  intellectual eyes it's like  intellectually you may know chocolates  not good for you but that's not gonna  change your behavior until we mix it  with tuna casserole and your nervous  system when it's in your gut now your  body will respond what's in your head  its intellectual so what I see associate  think about association means something  you feel in your nervous system rather  than something you understand  intellectually how many follow that say  I so to get leverage you want someone to  associate feeling their gut that not  changing not changing equals massive  here's the other key word immediate  unbearable levels of pain so to get  someone to change if you've tried  everything it doesn't work you need more  leverage get yourself of that person  you're working with well if you're  trying to create change with to  associate that if I don't change its  gonna mean massive immediate unbearable  levels of pain some key words they're  massive another key word immediate you  might say you know what if I keep  smoking I probably get cancer you know  the problem that is it's not immediate  it's way off in the future in the  distance so when you put it further away  almost didn't have much effect did it  well when something is thought of us to  be way off in the future even if it's  bad it doesn't give us enough leverage  to change when it's immediate that's  when it gets us to change now people  don't want to change just for painful  reasons so the other form of leverage is  this you want to get this person to  associate which means in their gut not  in their intellect that changing now to  change now equals massive extraordinary  in immediate levels of what guys  pleasure  see when you link up in your brain  changing is pleasurable and not changing  as ultimate pain the person will find  the way write this in your notes  somewhere change is never a matter of  ability change is never a matter of  ability it's always a matter of  motivation in other words for that is  leverage when someone has enough reasons  they will flat change period but you got  to get enough leverage and I'll tell you  how we keep ourselves from getting  leverage we use words that's often what  we're doing like we say well I'm a bit  overweight or I'm a you know I'm a  little bit you know robust or you know  I'm you know I'm round you know the big  places and stuff no you're fat is what  you are okay okay and you gotta call a  spade a spade because as long as you say  well I'm kind of you know a little  smidge overweight you're never gonna do  it now don't get me wrong I don't care  if you're overweight I don't judge you I  care about you I don't want your heart  to be working twenty times harder it  needs to be and have you died a young  death I don't care about how you look  that's your business but if you're  overweight the reason you're overweight  is you don't give yourself enough pain  for it you do softeners cuz you don't  want to feel bad about yourself because  you think you've tried everything so I  tried everything nothing's worked so I  just gotta adjust to this so I want you  to get it you got to tell yourself the  truth I'm telling you this as a friend  I'm not telling you this from judgment  and by the way do we all do this at  different levels yes or no and by the  way this isn't just fat we do this with  finances right we do this with drugs we  do this with relationships they don't  serve us you got to finally tell  yourself the truth and that's painful  but that pain will serve you because it  will move you it's like Stallone if he  gone off and made himself feel good he  would wash this hunger and drive so  that's why he didn't take on another job  he stayed there in the pain so he'd have  to be driven forward how many follow  that say aye but you know most of us do  the minute we heal of pain we want to  immediately get rid of it so we drink  something we eat something we smoke  something we want something to take away  the pain at the moment but when you take  away the pain you take away the drive to  change and so now change it's not a must  it's a should and so that you keep on  feeling bad about yourself never  getting what you really deserve whether  it be the mind the body the spirit the  emotion that you deserve she got to be  honest with yourself how many follow  this day I got an only be honest you got  to pour it on a little bit and get  enough Drive it's uncomfortable but that  discomfort will give you the leverage to  really finally do something that is  lasting okay really really really really  critical here by the way think of a  change in your own life or maybe someone  you know that was really hard for you to  make like really hard you kept trying to  change kept trying to change never fall  through and finally one day Wham he said  that's it no more never again it's over  how many bad one those experiences we  finding a suit matter you got so much  pain you finally change forever how many  that one though say I that's the day you  got enough leverage now you don't want  to wait for life to have to do that to  you you want to be conscious about it  you want to be direct about it so you  get what you deserve that's what you  really have to do how many have ever  done this in a relationship you're in a  relationship it's terrible relationship  but you keep rationalizing it well it  used to be good it'll be good again cuz  see if the president is painful you can  always escape to the past if the past is  painful you can always make up a future  that's better cuz no one really knows  about the futures you can make stuff up  and as you make it up it's a reference  that makes you more certain it'll be  okay and you kind of stay where you are  how many of you got in a relationship at  one point we finally said I have had it  it was painful in the past it's painful  in the present we people in the future I  am out of here and you got enough  leverage I'm done this AI but until  you're honest with yourself that way you  hung out and numbness see most people  live in a world that I call no-man's  land they're in a place where they're  not really happy but they're not unhappy  and I'm doing about it  and that's the worst possible place you  can be that's being in a rut so we got  to get leveraged  you  you         you get leverage now changes a mosque  isn't it isn't really what this does  changes a mosque but along with the must  sometimes you do something so much it  gets literally built into your nervous  system like little finger example I gave  you yesterday so now you don't even  think about it you're just doing it so  let's say now it's a must to make this  change and then you'll notice you're  doing it so the second step to creating  lasting change is you must interrupt the  limiting pattern or the disempowering  pattern you must interrupt it you must  scramble it if you break a pattern  enough again and again and again and  again and again pretty soon when your  body can't get back into it anymore it's  like if you ever have somebody who you  really upset and you try to tell them  you're upset with them and then they  crack a joke and they make you laugh and  you want to still stay up sex you want  to resolve it and then you try to do it  again and they make you laugh again and  after four or five times pretty soon you  can't get mad anymore how many have this  kind of experience they I wasn't that  person do they interrupted your pattern  enough times you couldn't get back into  it think of it this way think of it as  being like how many of you listen your  music on compact discs on CDs say I so  when you listen to a CD how come every  time you listen to a CD hear the same  music well the answer is because even  though you can't see it on that disc is  cut a pattern it's cut right into it so  when the laser goes across it it's the  same pattern place the same music well  what if you're listening to a CD in your  head mentally you have this set of  beliefs you have already a CD you're  already listening to as a metaphor and I  think a new belief a new CD and try and  jam it on top of the one that's already  playing so the only way to create  lasting change is to interrupt the  pattern I gotta take out the CD you got  I gotta take out a needle I'm going back  and forth back and forth back and forth  back and forth back and forth across  that thing till I break the pattern so  much I scramble it up so much it'll  never play the same way again now you  try to put it in there doesn't feel good  so now you're open to something new and  now I can give you a new pattern so to  create lasting change you got to get  leverage but you've also got to first  interrupt the old pattern before you can  create a new batter and I'll give you a  simple example you've probably  experienced in your life you've been in  a conversation that's really important  to you you're really into it you're  talking with something it's somebody  over here ask you some stupid question  and there's nothing whatsoever to do  with what you're talking about you say  what what are you talking about  and they tell you in your on you answer  the question and now you come back to  what you're talking about what happened  come on what happened it's gone how many  vendors happen say I how many have had  your pattern broken so strongly that  even though this thing was important you  never figured out what it was and got  back to it again I got up and say I so  paddle rubs are powerful I give an  example I used to bite my fingernails  down to the quick when I was a kid I  mean down to where they bleed and I  hated it but I'd still do it it was like  something I was just trained to do with  my body and so I kept trying to change  trying to change it trying how to tell  you it was a I try I try I try try  try try doesn't happen so finally one  day I'm a young man I'm in business and  I'm marketing this product or service to  this particular woman who's the head of  this company and as I'm talking to her  I'm hoping to make a larger sale because  this lady is magnificent I'm thinking  this could be a really important  business relationship right and so I'm  we're doing a really great rapport she  seems to really like me and I really  like her and a relationship starting to  get fun and playful everything's great  and I were coming back to the end and  we're gonna close the deal the business  part of the deal and I'm hoping he goes  an additional deal later on and so as we  put this thing across and I have in the  paper to sign as I do it she suddenly  grabs my hand and I look at her she  grabs me and she goes what is this and  she looks at my fingers and they're all  like red on the end and you know from  blood were they bled and stuff and dried  up and it's really gross looking right  she was what is this what happened to  you I said well I bite my fingernails  she took my hand she shoved it aside she  goes I can't do business with you  I said what she was I can't do business  with somebody doesn't even have enough  self-discipline not to bite their own  fingernails because I'm out of here and  she got up and left I was like hey what  a lowlife what what an unfeeling person  but then after a while I started  thinking god she's right and that  provided me with enough what physical  pain didn't do it loss of love  it's embarrassment that'll do they gave  me leverage but then after I did it I  did something called a swish pattern'  some of you familiar with I've written  about my books very effective pattern  and it's a conditioning pattern so I did  that but I remember two days later I'm  in a movie and as I'm in the movie I'm  sitting there and as I do I found my  fingers in my mouth now the good news is  I noticed in my mouth I said oh my god  this doesn't work it's a failure I went  oh cool I realized I caught it so I did  about 25 more swish patterns right there  in the movie I never touched my  fingernail since but the secret is I had  to interrupt the pattern right so that  process is what we're talking about here  let me give an example I remember  working with a man one time he told me  and he always smoked cigarettes and I  knew him really well and I said listen I  can help you with that I don't want to  change okay well I'm not gonna make you  change one day comes back and he's not  smoking anymore I said what happened he  said it's amazing Tony said I'll never  smoke again as long as I live  he said he was sitting here in his  library reading the newspaper and  smoking a cigarette now as he's reading  the newspaper smoking the cigarette  leading his favorite smoking cigarette  in walks his waddles in his five year  old daughter who's just totally precious  and he loves her more than anything and  she's crying hysterically  he was honey honey what's matter he puts  the paper down still holding a cigarette  he's honey honey what's the matter  what's the matter she goes daddy I don't  want you to die he goes gonna die yes  you are daddy gonna die what you mean  she points at the cigarette and he looks  at the cigarette he looks dirty oh honey  I'm not gonna die that's nothing to  worry about she goes yes you are daddy  and I don't want you to because I wanted  you to be there when I got married she  starts crying hysterically right in one  fell swoop two stems happen massive what  and a massive interruption in his  pattern see he's willing to go through  the physical pain himself but he's not  willing to hurt his daughter many of us  will do more for others we care about  then we'll even do for ourselves for  many that'll be greater leverage than  just you but if you just something  breaks the crates leverage and  interrupts the pattern you got something  as  really really effect I'll give you a  different example one of the first times  I ever did a seminar on other languages  Naidu like my university we have seven  languages translated simultaneously the  first time what's a foreign country was  local I went up to Canada  and I went up to Montreal and I was  sponsored there by a company in the area  and I didn't know what it was like to  talk to a group like that so I worked  really hard because if you've been to  Montreal you know they're quite  sensitive about the French language and  against the English language so I don't  know any French I worked hard the night  before and memorized the paragraph in  French to introduce myself in they all  got headsets on about two thirds the  audience I get up and they say my name  in French then I get up and I started  speaking in French which blew them away  for about I know three or four minutes  then I said that's all the French I know  we're not so we had a great time couple  thousand people great seminar people  loved it was really wonderful great  success and I learned things like will  you tell a joke in a foreign language  what happens when you tell it in English  you know maybe a third you already  starts to laugh there has to be more  quiet to spirit at you and then now  you're on to something serious and the  other third of the room and two-thirds  room starts laughing that's kind of  interesting experience so at the end of  this event I thought like it was great  success and one of the people who was  part of the company that sponsored me  there comes out to me and says it was  phenomenal on and on  give me always great compliments so I  thought ok they're sincere conference  was great event and then the person  looks at me and says um mr. Robbins um  I'm wondering if you'd be willing to  have dinner with us tonight  and the way they didn't even had  somebody do something where you go  something's up  and they have that experience right you  doesn't know right it isn't about dinner  obviously but I thought what the heck  why not I want to find out what it is so  I said sure they said okay be there at  next time and acting so weird so that  night I get to the restaurant and  there's a private room where this  company has taken over the room and they  sent me down in this like horseshoe set  of tables and at the very head is the  chairman of the board who's a very very  famous man in Montreal and very very  wealthy man and next to mrs. wife and  they put me on the other side of him and  then all the rest the members of the  company he owns many companies including  the company and sponsored me and some of  the conversation you know dinners not  yet served there's you know bringing  drinks out and so forth  things are going fine people are being  very warm and very nice and then all of  a sudden the sky the chair of the board  turns across the table to this other man  across table and starts screaming at him  four-letter words and yelling at him and  just dressing him down in front of  everybody and I couldn't even believe it  and so finally you know I live inside of  me I thought man this is really really  uncool this is I really want to like  make a change in this man's physiology  so it's really abusive but I thought  it's not your company it's not your  place that's not why you're here  I mean they got to deal with their own  situation here and basically he used the  leverage of his money to be abusive to  other people became very obvious and  really annoyed me so I kind of blew it  off we can Jeana have dinner and then  not 10 minutes later he turns to his  wife in front of everybody starts  screaming at her calling her every kind  of four-letter word you can imagine in  front of everybody I couldn't even  believe it now my pot is boiling right  and I'm sad I'm thinking this guy needs  a major change in physiology right and  so I'm thinking how I want to do this  and then all of a sudden he calms down  finally and the whole room is just  silent you know I mean I have to one of  those things everybody's like looks like  beaten down dogs being quiet see what's  gonna happen and there's one voice in  the back way towards the back part of  the table probably the furthest part of  the table is why he probably said it one  of the other executives said that is  this man's name the chairman was John he  says Jean how are you doing on that  anger stuff with your therapist right  and Jean goes well we've been working on  it for years as you know and I just I  think we've made some progress but I'm  just that kind of person and you can see  they had pride in the fact that he could  be abusive because it gave him a sense  that he was powerful that he was  significant and so this person said well  you know Jean and the person who said  this is the person invited me to dinner  you start to get the picture he says  well you know Jean mr. Robbins is  considered to be the best therapist in  all of America he's able to create  change and lightning-like speed  aren't you mr. almonds  all of a sudden I understood why I was  invited to dinner so he saw no no mr.  Robbins I would never never take up your  time but this wonderful dinner would be  so unfair to you and everything else he  said but Miss Robbins what would you do  and I said well you know you're right  sir I said you know I you're not my  patient so you know I couldn't work with  you I said but if you were I said what I  do is I would not talk to you  like have you freely associated on your  back about your childhood and that's why  you're hangry and stuff I said what I  would do is actually train your nervous  system to change so it really would he  said really how would you do that that's  all the opening I needed I said well I'd  say do you remember what you said to  that man over there earlier he said no I  said sure you do remember you're calling  those four-letter word you're saying  this you're saying that you kind of  enjoyed it a little bit it looked like  you whoa yes  hey we shot on one yeah mayhem as hard  as I could in the sorting what what are  you doing what are you doing  I said I'm showing you what I would do  if you were my patient but you're not my  patient so I would never do that right  and if people seemed like right and I'm  looking at smiling and as I do this he  doesn't know the process because I'm not  looking mean I'm just one that's what I  do if you're my patient but you're not  so I'd never do that he said you ever  see people when they're totally confused  they like search every quadrant of their  brain so now what am i God massively  interrupted his pattern and gotten major  what leverage yeah you can talk to  you're blue in the face that's not gonna  change this guy he said wow that was  painful so that's the idea  so if I was your therapist that's  cutting I do and I do it enough so you  would never do it again ever  right he's like oh yeah that would be  yeah I can see that might work I don't  know it will work so matter of fact  never you said to your wife anyone know  I assure you my one my source like stop  that stop that slice it stop what he  said what you mean what that's the way  you just did I said oh I'm just showing  you what I would do if you're my patient  but you're not my patient so I would  never do that and if you want my true  story no exaggeration  so y'all you didn't really hit I really  didn't if any of you noticed of my  therapy examples you know I will do  whatever it takes so you come to see me  you're gonna change okay cuz I have  unlimited choice I don't have all the  rules that the traditional therapist has  about not intervening too much my job is  you asked for it you got it all right  you're gonna get it so this guy now he's  like shaking from this thing goes wow I  can really see how that would work I  said is there anybody else you been  abusive to recently no no no so now what  have I done  I got leverage and I've interrupted his  both of those things so the last step  step number three is this once you got  the leverage once you interrupt the  pattern third step is you must create an  empowering alternative you must create  an empowering alternative in other words  an alternative pattern you can't just  stop smoking you've got to start doing  something else and what most people do  is they stop smoking you start eating so  that's why you got to find an empowering  alternative so creative opportunity I  can't just say stop yelling at people  because his yelling at people gives him  a sense of certainty that they'll listen  to him and that they'll change how many  follow that so if we just say don't do  that then we've not met the need that he  used to get we want to meet the need  more elegantly if you're smoking it's  probably cause you're stressed when you  smoke you take deep diaphragmatic  breaths and so you get out of stress  when most people are stressed they stop  breathing or they breathe very shallowly  when you have very little oxygen that  adds a smidge to your stress so  cigarettes now while there's a physical  addiction what made  but initially was it relaxed you so you  don't want to just stop smoking and be  stressed you have something else in  relax you so what a lot of people do is  they eat tons of food the stomach fills  up and all the blood rushes in there and  they start breathing their diaphragm  again but there are better alternatives  does that make sense so you got to come  up with an empowering alternative and  once you do it and reinforce it  reinforce it how do you reinforce  something you notice it you give it  pleasure  you acknowledge it you reward it so you  might want to use the word reward it and  reinforce it or reward it until it  becomes habit until it becomes habit so  you got to create an empowering  alternative and you got to reinforce it  until it becomes habit once it's a habit  you're set but how do you do this well  the secret to reinforcing something is  give it pleasure give it rewards so  you'll start changing to avoid pain but  after a while you just go back to it  even though it's painful all adjust to  it but see what what will last what  creates lasting changes when you do  something and you're rewarded for it  when you give yourself rewards you feel  happy you feel proud of yourself you  feel a sense of excitement or freedom or  more love when you get that  reinforcement on a regular basis pretty  soon it just becomes who you are that's  what you want to do and so that's what I  did with him so a year later sorry I  haven't come with these alternatives out  of communicating throughout the night  when we started communicate with  somebody did something right I caught  him doing it right and I'd say no Jon I  want to say something here do you see  Bob's face over here the way you just  interact with him so you can try and  force him to do something or make him  fear you and he'll do a little bit but  people we do so much out of fear they do  the minimum out of fear but when they  love you and they care about you and  they feel respected by you they'll do  anything for you this guy really were  doing it look at this face right now  doesn't that feel better  and I stopped make him stop and notice  so he wasn't unconscious he'd see  honestly it really does he said mama I  really do care about you and these great  anchors happen that night where I kept  reinforcing and reinforcing and  reinforcing him so he had plenty of  alternatives and he saw it gave him more  of what he wanted than the old behavior  so now I come back a year and a half  maybe later and I do the seminar things  go gray and the same guy afterward says  mr. Rob  would you like to come to dinner and I  look at him and he is he like I can't  tell if he's you know got something or  not so I said sure  same restaurant same room same  everything sit down you table I'm  sitting next to John chance great to  have you back everything's warm it was  wonderful he seems really happy  everybody's great I'm thinking wow this  is cool it all worked right and then  maybe 15 minutes into sitting there all  of a sudden John comes across and starts  screaming at this person against the  table and I can just feel every part of  my body going obviously didn't break the  pattern strong enough I'm gonna do it  this time and I just filled my face  right tight enough and also he turns up  he goes gotcha and everybody hopefully  start laughing it was a setup  and they all went around the table and  they acknowledged me and they call John  and talked about he's never been the  same since his life has never been the  same he's such an incredibly warm and  loving man now for that process or that  just from the peace  now whether you're trying to change  someone from being means and ice or what  are you trying to get rid of addiction  it's the same steps so for example when  I first built my career I get on radio  and television in Canada and I launched  my career saying I don't care what your  problem is I'll handle it so I got all  kinds of things but one of my first  therapies ever was a smoking therapy now  bear in mind I'm staying at the Westin  Hotel in place called Vancouver British  Columbia Canada anybody been there it's  a magnificent place up in there as  pretty as any city in the world I think  and so I'm there and I'm saying this  hotel and it's beautiful and wonderful  I'm waiting in my room for my first real  major therapy and it's a smoking therapy  and I look at my watch the guy doesn't  show up and I look hasn't show up look  gonna show up so then I think well you  know no one knew my face in those days  or even knew my name so maybe he forgot  my name and he's at the hotel something  I'll go downstairs to see if he's in the  lobby so as I go on so exit my door of  my room right outside the doors this guy  stood him puffing like crazy so I said  are you Bob he said yeah I said Bob what  you doing out here I'm having my last  cigarette now what does that tell me  that tells me healings pain to stopping  smoking not pain to smoking as long as  he thinks stopping smoking is gonna be  painful it's not gonna work we have to  change that what we call neuro  Association it's big word it means what  he associates in his nervous system in  his gut right not when he has in his  head in his head he knows better but in  his gut his neuro associations are  rigged that stopping smoking is painful  that's why he's never done it before so  he wants me to do this painful thing to  him that won't work so I think at a  moment's notice I come up with an idea  and I said come with me and we don't go  my room we start walking to the holy  goes where we going instead downstairs  heels I wanted you to some private I  said we will follow me we got on the  elevator go downstairs and I have been  there in about two three years but even  two or three years ago in this day and  age or very few people seem to smoke in  public at the Western Hotel they still  have a tobacco shop there and so we go  down in this tobacco shop and as you go  in the smells are everywhere so when  people smell smell the smells they go  into state rights this guy's in state  right he's got a cigarettes back  he's one happy camper so I said what  brandy is smoke so he tells me how's it  great give  12 cartons they gotta look so he goes 12  cards to see you have 12 cartons okay  goes look simple 12 guards see ya pay  the man  pay the man she pays him so now I said  pick him up so he's got six cartons here  six cartons here we're walking down the  hall I'll never forget his face we get  on the elevator the door closes he's  holding all these current cigarettes he  looks at me and says you're not gonna  make me smoke fees are you I said now  we're making progress now he's linking  pain to smoking already how many follow  this they I so we go sit in the room and  a lot of times when you're trying to  change helps or make a change the  problem is you're changing a part of  them doesn't need to change like the  part of them that's really great you  need to get them in there smoking state  and change that part of them so I said  go and open all the cartons pull out all  the cigarettes and under half everyone  and put one cigarette so it's accessible  so you could just grab it release Li and  while you're doing that tell me why you  started smoking so he goes okay he  starts undoing the carton says he does  he kind of get some space smells the  cigarettes and starts undoing and he  goes in the state right he starts  telling me well when I start out I  really didn't want to smoke but all my  friends did and it was like the cool  thing to do and he's going into state  right and so I said okay well light went  up he looked appealing what do mean like  what if I came here to stop I said no  but you really want one so light went up  he went oh no I don't want what I want  to stop I said without room right now  it's acting crazy  now he's smuggling he's freaked out now  imagine these and the feelings tuna  casserole mixing with smoking you get  the idea  don't you why don't you like I don't  want to smoke as soon as she said that I  like transform act insane he's freakin  hekyll he's walked in a room this insane  man right so she's just I don't wanna do  this I'd say  you don't want to smoke I'd act really  calm again ego no I said well then do  whatever you want to do because well I  want to put it out I said well do  whatever you wanna do it's it really is  it sure he goes just put it I said light  up to more light up do more right now  he's freaking out of his mind  let me scream as that calls up they'll  call finally eventually he's gonna girl  like who's though you're like what smoke  what's that oh oh well then do whatever  you want to do just like what I want to  pull him out I said go ahead really sure  he puts them out you just sees afraid  right but some I said light up six more  it's like I know I line up sex bar now  and I go ten times crazy come on  every one of them suck on him how does  that feel finally at the one I say light  up five more I had a whole ashtray  filled half smoke service but there's no  he's breathing smoke his face hating it  right that the eye right I said word up  another one said no I think you were on  right now no you can't make me smoke  [Applause]  now we broke the pattern so there when  you get an alternative and so he went  outside he dumped his cigarettes on the  side down into the ocean I wouldn't do  that now but he did it  and he blew his nose holes black soot  came out right just all over the place  in his handkerchief right boiling his  nose blowing his nose you know and I did  too good I was in the rooms taking it  all in also it's a terrible way to doing  stuff it's one of the reasons I stopped  doing him eventually came up with a  different technique alright cuz I was  gonna have cancer doing all these  therapies on these people right and so  he goes up there nice breathe fresh air  and the fresh air feels so good then he  comes up with alternatives and  conditioning it works now you got to  vary your technique for various things  because once I found something work you  know you tend to do a lot no because it  works but it always comes down to  leverage interrupting the pattern and  creating an empowering all fairness  stand up stretch the next thing we're  gonna talk about is momentum because if  there is a skill set you got to have  starting something is the hardest part  momentum is the process that can take  things that are hard to make it easy but  how to create momentum is really a  science it's not difficult but it is the  science it's a step by step process and  when you understand how to do it you can  create momentum anytime you want  momentum in your business momentum and  your emotions momentum in your career  momentum in your relationships doesn't  matter what area of your life what's the  source of power within you or your  organization they can turn around  virtually anything in a matter of  moments and the answer that of course is  momentum and when you think about what  does it take to succeed there's so many  things you can talk about what it takes  to succeed in any situation but one  thing that is universal to succeeding in  any situation as you must take the first  step and that's the one that most people  don't do they study it they think about  it they fret about it they complain  about it but rarely do they take the  first step and I want to do that I want  to make sure that if you never heard  another word I said for the rest of your  life and you want to improve anything  you'd know what to do first  cuz you do the first thing you'll likely  come up with a second third and fourth  thing it's just a natural part of  momentum I'll have to create that  happening so what is that first step  well for me I'm going to work on an  athlete or a business person or a  financial trader or a politician just no  matter what the context is their game is  not where they want it to be or their  games going well and they want to make  it better there's one place I go first  always and that is I put them in a pink  what the reason is because until you put  somebody in peak state everything you're  gonna get is gonna be less than who they  are and what they're capable of so I  want to get them that peak State so for  example when I met Andre Agassi for the  first time years ago he was like 50th in  the world or something like that and  what happened was Andre has certain  mindset and he came in and he had kind  of an attitude with me and I said look  Andre I said the bottom line is you give  me 15 minutes of your total attention if  no cityman that you do and asked you to  do you don't feel an immediate radical  change then blow me off let's move on  let's not waste any time so what I do  basically was I gave him examples from  videos that I'd seen of him and I'd say  okay here's where he won the Wimbledon  that was when he's at his best here's a  guy that been as good as anybody in the  game and you watch him right and I show  him in this guy's walking down the court  it's before he cut his hair and he walks  out like this right he looks at cars  crossed the court like this the guy in  the other side of the court I said what  were you thinking at that moment he said  I don't remember what I was thinking I  said what were you thinking he said I  was thinking of this guy why did you  even show up right now it's not a  certain state now that's thick you don't  think about okay it's my backhand gonna  be okay right because what happens is  when you're in your best you don't think  about how to do it you just do it don't  you it just flows that's a big thing so  I said okay here's the French Open he  walks out like Don Knotts he looks over  at the other guys just look in his face  what you think and then he said I  remember the last time he beat me so  what I do is I change is stay anchored  it showed him a couple ways to trigger  it was very fundamental and in less than  six months he was number one in the  world now Andres gone back down and up  again after I got injured recently and I  was talking to Brooke about it she goes  his pride says he's got to do it himself  this time again which I'm sure he has  the ability to do but sometimes people  just don't manage that state they don't  go there first they work on their game  stead of working on their state say I  don't know anything about the game  but I know everything about human  psychology would affects every game  that's the power that's the linkage so  what we want to do from this day forward  is if you want to get better to anything  if you want to suddenly be better in  your performance of business if you  suddenly want to be more passionate in  your relationship if you want to make an  improvement in your study habits if you  want to help your kids more the first  step to any of those things is always  the same put yourself in a what and a  peak state it's gonna be step number one  no matter what we do now here's the good  news  there's basically two things you'll  change to change your state in the  moment you'll change either you're wet  and what kind of change in the  physiology what kind radical change or  you will change your or both right and  you know how to do it so let's very  quickly first see that I'll walk you to  the whole thing first so once you get  yourself in a peak state that's kind of  like priming the pump ever got yourself  into pieces like a lamp and you're there  for a while then gradually you come back  to the Kryptonite Clark Kent that you  were before all right how many of you  experienced this being a peak State and  then gradually dropping down say I the  reason you drop down is you didn't keep  momentum going by going to the second  element and that is you must find your  passion and what does that mean it means  you gotta discover what do you love what  do you really love what excites you what  juices you what do you hate cuz I got  news for you people are driven not only  about what they want but also what they  don't want very often people come to me  and they'll say but I don't know what I  want to do for my career I'll say well  drew describe to the ideal job I don't  know what it is I'll say okay great  describe to me the job you would hate  subscribe to me right now our job  describe the environment you would hate  to be and the people you'd hate to be  around the kind of work you would hate  to do right kind of money you'd hate to  make you look through the whole thing  and when they're all done they have no  problem scrubbing what they hate and  they get passionate about what they are  I hate this like that all this energy is  coming out of it then I say okay great  look at that you hate that yeah now  right the opposite and you have the job  for heaven you have your ideal so you  can get to a person's drive through what  they love do what they hate it would  excites them too it drives them and very  often I'll ask people or what do you  want they go I don't know if I knew that  I could get it all worked out I really  don't know  and the reason they don't know is  because you're asking in this state see  it's like trying to walk in this day not  gonna happen so the reason you're not  getting the answer is you're not putting  yourself in a state of total certainty  so by putting yourself in a peak State  people often say I don't know what I  want to say stand tall breathe strong  now if you do what you want what you  said was that they tell you immediately  because all you've done is put in the  state where the answers really are there  that's all you got to do third part once  you're in state that's like priming the  pump right remember in the old days if  you want to get the out of the well the  water you got to feed it something first  so putting yourself in state feeds it  but to get to the well you find your  passion and the well of passion is never  ending things you're a lot of things  excites things you hate but once you  find that passion that'll go for a long  time but you eventually to keep momentum  going you have to take that passion and  do something with it so step three is  you must decide commit and resolve what  you're gonna do with it and that's what  keeps the momentum going otherwise  you're just passionate for a long time  and then gradually that'll just be and  by the way those are the three different  experiences decision committing and  resolving they are different emotions  and they're all three critical if you're  gonna actually follow through in your  decision  step 4 for momentum is you must get  yourself to take mass of what that's  right because the only way a decision is  real as if you act upon it if you don't  have to plan it you make a decision  you'll lose momentum and then finally  when you start taking an action you'll  start getting results and now you want  to be smart and smart is an acronym for  you want to make sure your strategy is  really working ever you want to have  sensory acuity isn't working or not you  want to measure it you want assess is it  giving you what you want if it is you  want to reinforce it and take new action  and that keeps the momentum going and  then you'll see in the middle of circle  there are some forces that will either  accelerate or break your progress and  that is emotion certain emotions will  speed it up more passionate right more  intensity certain emotions like fear  will slow it down they'll break your  progress of momentum same thing is true  with focusing your power when you  concentrate all your focus on something  it accelerates it if it's something good  if you focus on your greatest fear it's  gonna slow everything down same thing as  modeling but I want to speed up my  momentum well then I can learn by  someone else's experience when I had no  I mean none I could pay my own bills I  could make my rent I would take my money  and go to a seminar or take somebody's  lunch he was brilliant and picked their  brain because I realized I'm always not  gonna have money for rent until I make a  radical change in my understanding skill  in psychology and I don't want to wait  forever I gotta get it now so I would  stretch to get the resources of someone  else when I couldn't possibly do it  because I understood that a big part of  my life came about from saying I want to  compress decades in two days don't only  do that as get those resources and that  sped up my momentum it gave me the power  of modeling another one there is synergy  how through synergy you can speed things  up and lastly the power of environment I  don't care how fast the Sprinter you are  if we put you in mud you're gonna be  faster than anybody else but you're not  gonna tap into your real power so what  that means is you've got to make sure  the environment accelerates you so in  order momentum we know what step one  always is put yourself in a peak step  two is define your which is what do you  love what do you hate what excites you  what drives you what do you really want  what are you committed to now once  you've got those emotions brewing it's a  lot easier to do what all change comes  from which is to make a real what  decision because if you look at your  life you want to see why your life is  the way it is the parts of your life you  love and maybe the parts of your life  you're not as thrilled with you can  really define why your life is there if  you really look at your life by your  decisions he said no no no that's the  way God made it well that may be true  but God has made lots of people have the  same experience but what you took out of  that experience was your conscious  choice or unconscious choice you decided  and so if you look at your life I bet  you could look at the last ten years of  your life for example maybe last 15 I'd  be willing to bet there are places along  the way that if you would have made a  different decision your life would be  radically different than theirs right  now better or worse I don't know but you  probably do but it's certainly be  different  how many would agree with that say I a  lot of times those decisions we don't  think much about sometimes our decisions  like what we're gonna do for a living or  where we're gonna live or who are gonna  spend time with or we're gonna marry or  they're gonna have children right what  we're gonna believe  those choices have shaped who you are  and so if you want to transform the  quality of your life there is only one  power on its decision but most people  have not made a decision so long like a  real decision I mean a tough one where  it's hard you make yourself do it they  kind of like Express preferences and  kind of see if it works out they put it  in a mode and decision made from a  should is not a real decision because  you don't act on it you do it for a  little while  you never really not only decide but  they commit and really resolve that no  matter what you're gonna make it happen  that's different than just deciding in  the moment right that's not a real  decision that's the preference that  you're expressing so if you think about  that then there are decisions along the  way that have shaped your life radically  and then you want to shave your life you  want to take control of that power that  your Creator has given you and you got  to do it consciously because otherwise  what happens is you just go with the  flow and going the flow sounds really  nice but the problem is you get to the  fork in the river and you haven't  decided clearly you go with the flow  well the flow of water the strongest  flow goes to where the Falls are and one  day you wake up you know three feet from  Niagara Falls and a boat with no oars  and you go oh shoot and at that point  it's a little late so we want to do is  get really conscious about decision  making but again you want to do it from  a big state I had a friend that for  years drove this old horrible car he  hated but he kept doing it because his  belief was that God wanted to be poor  and his kids hated it they make him drop  him off a block from school he made a  decision to believe that God wanted him  to be abundant and his first act that he  did his committed act as you took out a  shotgun and blew up as many holes in  that car as he could saying I will never  drive this car again and neither will  anyone else commit an act momentum comes  when you not only decide but you take  immediate action what immediate action  are you gonna take to demonstrate you  meaning who are you gonna tell what are  you gonna do what's the first thing if  you're simple then what's a big thing  you could do that commits you here it  shows this means business action is  momentum what action would you take  immediately to create more momentum now  to back up your decision with power  think  it's a little decision a little action  rather on your decision once a big one  you do that would just be like this is  it baby and feel good feel good to take  committing acts wouldn't it it takes you  beyond decision it takes you to total  momentum action power results now if you  remember this momentum model we said the  steps were that you had to first put  yourself in a peak what step two is once  you're in that peak state to keep it  going you got to find your what do you  love what he hate would excite you it  drives you once you're there you must  take immediate make I should say you  must make an immediate decision right  because you gonna use that emotion to do  something worthwhile and then you want  to take decision to committing and  resolving how many could feel the  difference when let's resolve say I then  you must take immediate massive  intelligent what that's right then all  you'll do is be smart which is notice  your strategy if it's working or not  it's working reinforce it it'll keep  your momentum it's not change your  approach what if that doesn't work what  do you do and that doesn't work what do  you do hold time using your sensory  acuity keep changing till you get what  you want period but the way that you can  speed all this up is by magnifying  either the accelerators or bricks you  can slow it down or speed it up and the  number one thing that will accelerate or  break you is emotion so if you put  yourself in a state of fear or worry or  envy that'll slow your momentum down but  if you put yourself in a state of  passion commitment joy love courage  those types of motions will speed up the  momentum you've already created  you  people will stop me all the time ask me  these different questions but most  people have you a question like what  does it take to get rich and happy  instantly with no effort some version of  that question and I'll usually look at  them and say do you really want to know  who are you just asking but I really  want to tell you what I really believe  it takes to be rich and happy now most  people think rich is just money but I  know a lot of people have a lot of money  in their broke allô people have a lot of  money and they're very rich that  richness is a sense of fulfillment see a  lot of people have quote succeeded  supposedly on the outside but they're  not fulfilled and I'm here to tell you  that success without fulfillment is  failure so how do you make sure you're  really fulfilled because it seems such  an elusive thing for most people most  people you know they think okay if I'd  succeed then I'll be fulfilled they  succeed they're still not fulfilled or  finally if I have a kid then I'll be  fulfilled and they have the child and  it's great for a while and they're still  not fulfilled people always looking for  something more and I will say to you  that there's only two things it'll give  you fulfillment long term we all have  six needs that must be met all human  beings have them we all have different  goals different desires different ways  of trying to make ourselves feel good we  are the same needs the first need that  everybody has is the need for certainty  we all have a need for absolute  certainty because certainty is a  survival mechanism we have done a  certain amount of certainty doesn't even  function like right now if you weren't  certain these lamps these lights up here  we're gonna hold up or the roof was  gonna hold on then you probably let me  listen to me a whole lot right now  because without a base level of  certainty the floor is gonna hold you up  you can't function and how many have  ever been the rice by the way well you  have so much uncertainty in your life  that it just freaked you out like I'm  certain about your job or your career  about a relationship and a major crazy  inside how many been in that place we  had so much uncertainty made you not say  I so everyone needs a base level of  certainty now we all try to get that  certainty in different ways so we have  the same need worldwide it doesn't  matter who you go to what country or  culture what language  person speaks what their socio-economic  background is everybody needs certainty  in is a human need not a desire a need  it's built into the human nervous system  but we all go about getting it  differently like some people try to get  certainty by having a routine that's the  same every day so they can be certain  how it's gonna be some people try to get  certainty by you know surrounding  themself in people that they're smarter  than so they feel like they're always in  control of the situation or by trying to  control everyone  some people get certainty by faith you  know there's no certainty so they get it  by having trust that they're guided  everyone has different ways some ways  some people get certainty that they can  be comfortable that's the basic level of  certainty so you can avoid pain and you  can have some pleasure base certain ease  just a certain you can be comfortable  most people get that by smoking or  drinking or something like that so  everyone's gonna find a way to meet  their need you've already found ways to  get a certain amount of certain your  life or you wouldn't be listening to me  right now  but the question is is the way you're  doing it the way you're getting the need  met is it empowering you or  disempowering you or is it kind of  neutral if you using drugs or alcohol to  get certainty to be comfortable it  obviously has many many negative side  effects if you're using faith it's a  different one if you're using your sense  of identity like boy I'm certain not  because everything around me is perfect  but I'm certain because I've always  found a way  so my identity is I find a way and that  gives me certainty so some ways will  empower you so now here's the  interesting thing though when you get  absolutely totally certain about  something well you know what's gonna  happen when it's gonna happen how it's  gonna happen let's say in a relationship  you know what's gonna happen what  they're gonna say when they're gonna say  how they're gonna say it what's gonna  occur when you finally have this  ultimate goal of certainty this need you  really feel like you're satiating you're  fully meeting it then what happens you  feel what board right so all of a sudden  this thing you want it so bad this is  funny cuz people go out they work so  hard to get what they want then they get  in there and happy because now they're  bored it's like most people think the  secret to life is making of money so  you'll never have to work again and the  truth of the matter is if you spend any  time with people who have achieved that  you'll find that they're miserable and  they usually start another business or  do something else because that is not  the secret to life because they get  bored out of their mind I want to pull  their hair out because everyone needs to  grow and to be stimulated  so while we want certainty when we get  absolute certainty we go nuts and that's  because God has a sense of humor and  gave us a second need the need for  uncertainty just to really screw you up  a good right just to see if you were  paying attention we have a need for  certainty but we simultaneously ever  need for uncertainty we have a need for  variety we have a need for surprise we  have a need to have things that we're  not expecting happen car it's excitement  for us  that's what Adventure is if you know  what's gonna happen when it's gonna  happen how it's gonna happen feels good  for a while than you're bored you gotta  have surprises in your life you gotta  have those things that make you grow  when you know what it is it doesn't  require growth you can predict it but  when you're not sure now you have to  grow to deal with the uncertainty and  that growth is what makes us feel happy  as human beings inside now you can get  variety by doing drugs also change your  state you can get variety by going to a  movie you know why do people go to  movies because it gives them certainty  and uncertainty they're certain they're  not gonna die even if the guy in the  movie does right and yet they have  variety they can vicariously experience  all this adventure and surprise and so  forth inside that film how many of you  have ever rented a video of a movie  you've already seen I mean we're done  this AI now why would you rent a movie  you've already seen answer cuz you're  certain it's good and you're hoping you  forgot enough that it'll be some variety  right so these two are a paradox aren't  they they seem to be antithesis of one  another and yet as a human being we need  to have both of them to really feel good  the third and fourth human needs that  all people have are three at number  three is the need for significance need  for a feeling like your life is  significant it's important it's unique  in somewhat it's special that your life  has some kind of purpose so we all have  the need to feel significant unique to  feel like our life has some kind of  meaning and what's interesting is how do  you go about it you know you can go  about it by tearing everybody else down  I'm great because you're horrible you  know there's two ways to have the  tallest building in town one is tearing  down everybody else's building that's  what some people do other is work harder  and build a better building all right  work like crazy normal stakes lunch you  go for it so what a lot of people do is  to feel  as they tear other people down cuz then  they can feel important like if you're  moving backwards I must be moving  forward there's an illusion there or you  get significance to violence  why is violence lasted so long and  humanity because it meets most of our  needs in a very negative way but it  meets it listen I have no educational  background I live in the hood I pull out  a gun stick into your head suddenly I am  significant I don't need a education but  a neat background I didn't need to  greatly rapport with you  we have rapport aright you're gonna  respond to me now I'm significant and  I'm certain that I'm in control of the  situation and I got some variety because  this is a unique situation where  anything could happen meets three of my  needs violence has been around  humanity's experience forever because it  is a way to meet needs a derogatory way  but it works and since it works and  doesn't require much effort especially  now with the tools of violence where if  you and I had a fight before and I had  to punch it out with you there were some  consequence but now with a high-powered  rifle or something that can shoot off on  a hundred shots in about a minute from a  distance I could be a coward and I can  still feel significant I didn't do  whatever I want there's no consequence  to me you can also do it in neutral ways  you can do it by you know dressing  really uniquely right like you have a  unique style that makes you feel unique  and significant you could do it by  skillsets  having skilled it's almost no one else  has or is very unique you can do it by  buying more toys you have nicer cars or  homes or something like that you can do  it by getting more PhDs more degrees and  more results that you know you have that  thing next to your name so your  significant everyone of us finds a way  right because we have to feel  significant everybody insists you know  the question is how some people do it by  saying I am a Christian or I am a Jew or  I'm or whatever and I'm more unique than  you and then religions fight about who  really knows the name of God and kill  each other in the name of God it's  interesting process that sometimes  happens it's happened in most major  religions of the world because we are  basically fighting over who's more  significant to the creator interesting  thought process human beings have now  the interesting thing is to be  significant you can do it neutral ways  positive ways you can do it by having  more compassion and giving more than  anybody else if you give so much sure  enough if you know you want to get more  and you're more honest and more real  that makes you feel unique makes you  feel special that doesn't have any  downside only  upside so you got to figure out you're  gonna find a way to be unique question  is that do you two cars in homes do you  do it to achieving do you do it by the  kind of love that you share do you do it  by you know doing something with people  that makes them feel like you're  superior what do you do but you do  something you do many things to feel  significant but the problem is to feel  significant to feel unique you have to  be different than everyone and then of  course violates the fourth you may need  because God does have a sense of humor  and the fourth human need is the need  for connection and love so while you're  busy trying to be unique and I have so  many clients super achievers in the  culture you know actors actresses  business people at the top athletes who  their whole life they wanted to be  unique and then they got this total  uniqueness and now they have no  connection because they feel like  everybody's trying to get something from  them now they don't really feel the love  and connection they wanted which is the  fourth need because to be unique and  different I have to be apart from you  this happens in people's intimate  relationships all the time as well so I  saw my god I really want to be at one  with this person and then they started  feeling one with a person they love her  for all and they go oh wait a second I  feel like totally eleven connected but  Who am I  how am I unique in this world I'm losing  my identity and then they freak out and  pull back from the relationship because  what they're trying to do is meet you  need simultaneously you can get  connection by being sick and then  everyone will come and pay attention to  you you can do it by creating problems  if you don't get a kid attention for  doing something good they'll do  something bad to feel that you really  care and you'll love them to get your  attention and by the way all adults are  big kids they do the same thing same  thing as a child does sometimes a little  bit more dramatic sometimes a bit more  painful but the same things that kids do  because basically most people are still  5 years old emotionally so we respond in  the same way most of us are not  directing me because it's great facade  that inside with this little kid so now  here you are in this situation where you  want connection what else can you do  well you can have connection by just  loving people you can have connection by  way of being in nature or a connection  to God through prayer or you can have  connection by looking at a piece of art  and feeling this sense of inspiration  you can have it through meditation you  can have it by making love and you feel  this total connection you can have it to  a pet there's so many ways to get it  you're gonna find a way the only  question is on a scale from zero to ten  where zero is none and ten is totally  fulfilled where are  most people find ways that really don't  fulfill them totally to bring them up to  a four or five so there are no man's  land they're not really happy but then  I'm happy enough to hunting a change it  or make it better  and then if you meet these forced first  four if you meet the need for certainty  and uncertainty of called variety and  significance and connection you'll find  a way to meet those those are called the  fundamental needs but you will not be  rich happy fulfilled really fulfilled  unless you meet the last two and very  few people meet the last two these are  the two that are real secret and that is  number five as you must grow you must  grow and number six is you must  contribute beyond yourself in a  meaningful way see you can get certainty  by controlling everybody you can get  variety by doing drugs you can get  significance by tearing other people  down you have connection by having a  problem all the time that people have to  fix and so they pay attention you feel  loved by that none of those make you  better person the only way you're gonna  be fulfilled is if you pick a different  set of vehicles and those vehicles or  those ways of meeting your needs must  cause you to grow because no matter how  much you earn how many people think  you're great  or what's wonderful in your life if you  don't feel like you're growing you'll  feel like you're dying inside and  anybody you've ever seen who has  committed suicide you thought how could  they do that I mean they have the world  by the tail so they didn't feel like  they're growing and or even if they were  contributing they didn't feel like their  life had a meaning that they were  contributing beyond themselves I bring  this to your attention because I have  seen so many people develop such great  skills and still be unhappy so if these  are the six needs you gotta decide how  you're gonna play this game and the  things that are controlling it are your  beliefs and values there's certain  beliefs you have that make you do things  a certain way and they may not be  serving you but you keep doing it  because it meets some of your needs it's  like for example anything a human being  does remember I said they have a reason  so if you smokes cigarettes even though  you know it's terrible you do it because  it meets some of your needs maybe  initially you did it to be significant  or to feel connected to some friends or  maybe you're so stressed you're certain  when you smoke you can relax so now we  stopped you from smoking well you're  gonna go for something else cuz you got  to still feel that comfort or you gonna  still feel significant so unless we  understand what our brain is doing most  of us in life have no idea how to win  the game of life  we don't know what the target of the  game is we don't know the goal and so  it's pretty hard to win a game we don't  know what the goal is I'm here to tell  you having been with a couple million  people from 65 countries and having  heard every story you can imagine I'm I  dealt with people with 152 personalities  who started splitting in the middle of a  seminar while Diane Sawyer was actually  covering a businessman sitting next this  woman and she's splitting 152  personalities been in therapy for 30  years an integrator during 40 minutes on  the spot and Diana them saying it's a  miracle and saying but it can't last so  they waited a year to do the story and  followed her for a year and she never  broke down again so I've dealt with that  to people 152 first knowledge to people  like no personality you'll have a bigger  problem right okay a much bigger problem  right I mean I've seen it all and  there's nothing I haven't seen I've seen  people physically abused emotionally  I've seen everything you can imagine see  you don't have to be bright to see there  are patterns and all these patterns are  just trying to meet these same six needs  and most people don't know what they're  after so it's kind of hard to get your  outcome you don't know what it is so  what I want to talk to you about for a  few minutes here is those last two  called growth and contribution because  those are the ticket to freedom  but I want you to think about your  philosophy of life because wallis great  to have these tools you need more  philosophy and skill to make your life  work if you got great skill and no  guiding philosophy no guiding set of  belief structures then you are a person  that has wonderful mechanics but you're  not really going to be fulfilled and  you're not gonna make a difference in  the world if you've got this wonderful  philosophy and you got no skills no  muscle then you're gonna live and be  able to philosophize forever and you  know it's right but you don't do  anything it's a merger of these two or a  melding of these two that really creates  a quality life from my perception so  let's talk about the philosophy of what  creates that fulfillment I remember  somebody came in one time and said so  what does it take to be rich in  happening I remember I look back and I  said it's really simple be a team player  you know the first looking at me like  what does that mean but let me tell you  that's the secret to all that happen  it's become a team player what does that  mean a team player means you gotta  understand something human beings are  really unique here's what unique about  us we're driven to  achieve a certain amount in our lives  whatever that may be to meet our six  needs for some people feel significant  they got to make 10 billion dollars for  some people's significant they have to  have a child now that child grow up and  be a nice person  there's no right or wrong it's just  different beliefs in their head about  what has to happen right but here's  what's interesting most of us don't need  to have a lot happen to meet our needs  we don't so it's different for every  person  so let's say for you to meet your needs  of identity you have to do certain  amount of business well once you do that  much business you don't know anymore  Drive it's like okay that feels good  right or you have a certain amount of  need for acknowledgement but once you  get a certain amount of acknowledgement  people tell you million times how great  you are  you always appreciate hearing it but you  don't really need it because you know so  you're grateful and it's wonderful but  it's not like desperation you know what  I'm saying here and so certain amount of  money's certain amount respects certain  amount accomplish certain amount of  something and then we kind of lose our  Drive because we enter our comfort zone  so once you're in your comfort zone  you're not driven anymore here's the  problem when you get in your comfort  zone you're not driven you no longer  grow when you're not growing you start  to die inside when you're longer growing  and dying inside you stop contributing  in a meaningful way and as you do both  of those your whole world falls apart  emotionally see I've have seen this  happen I've got about six or seven  friends for a seven be accurate who are  considered by most people the world to  be like the best on earth at what they  do and have been for a quarter of a  century like one guys in the movie  business I'm in the head of several  Studios made unbelievable number of  pictures Academy Awards another guy as  an NBA coach the most winningest coach  of all time and being history I mean  each of these guys are my friends and  they're in their mid 50s and when all  the new we get together to talk as we  talk about wife and where we're going  what we're doing and I've watched many  of them the business ones anyway cash  out at one point in their career where  they sold their companies that made 500  million dollars one guy two and a half  billion dollars and he thought that was  gonna make him happy and I never for the  first three or four months he was really  happy he partied it was fun it was great  then all the sudden he got more and more  crazy and then all sudden he started  over eating and drinking and all those  things are is a symptom for the fact  that you're not fulfilled so now you're  going for the cheap quickie to try and  make yourself  feel good because you really aren't  growing you're not contributing and  every one of them has gone back into  some venture that made them have to grow  because when the other business they had  to take on the challenges their take on  the effort their to grow and they felt  like they were contributing something  meaningful and that's when they're  happiest so having said that if we all  can get comfortable at a certain spot  then what's the secret to make sure  we're always growing and contributing  and the answer is become a team player  which means this people will do more for  others they care about then they'll ever  do for themselves and that's a critical  distinction have by human beings people  will do much more for others they care  about then they'll ever do for  themselves now for some people that's  God for some people that's their kids  for some people that's their friends but  we'll all do more for something we  really people we really care about than  anyone else than ourselves and so if you  really want to be happy you gotta grow  and got to contribute how many by that  say I so if you buy that you got have a  reason to constantly grow because you're  gonna get comfortable pretty easily the  only way to do that I said these people  you care so much for that you feel  compelled to constantly contribute more  and to grow in order to be able to do  that and fortunately in my life I  figured this out at a very early age and  so it drove me to this points why I'm  here now and I'm here now because I get  to have this a sense of I have to grow  to do this I have to contribute and I  get the joy in the fulfillment of that  process I don't have to do any of this  anymore fortunately Acme sit and do  nothing for the rest of my life  economically but I couldn't sit and do  nothing and be happy so that's what we  got a vest ourselves but I have found  what that is for me which is certain  people I care about an environment  people I care about people like yourself  who really want to make their life more  him and how great it is but you got to  find what that is because that's what  will drive you so I want to give you a  couple of assignments that if you use  them will get you more connected to your  team and they're very fundamental  they're very basic but I think if you'll  do them you'll find them to be quite  useful and the first one is really  simple if you're gonna be a team player  you're gonna feel that sense of  connection then what you gotta be able  to do is you gotta be able to connect  what it's not easy to connect what I  mean by that is if you're in a position  where someone how many of you have  somebody in your life from your past  where maybe you are good friends at ones  or lovers or business associates but  you're really close this person and then  one day something happened and when that  happened it changed your life forever in  your relationship and maybe you've never  spoken to them again since that day how  many have something like there's  somewhere in the back of your life okay  so what I want you to do is this I want  you to develop team-building muscles  because when you have that sense of  connection you can do anything but  anybody can be loving and friendly to  someone who's totally loving and  friendly to you if you're really going  to get that sense of connection that  sense of real joy the real passion you  double connect with somebody who has  hurt you and unfair to you now I'm not  suggesting you start another  relationship with this person I'm not  stupid I know many of these people you  don't want to start a relationship with  but I do want you to learn how to  communicate with absolute caring love  and make yourself do that even though  you've been hurt because that's how you  build an ultimate muscle what I'm gonna  ask you to do is you are gonna take this  person maybe you're not talk some years  and you are going to call them now  answering machines don't count okay but  you're gonna communicate with them and  what I want you to do is three things I  want you to call them I want you  acknowledge yourself who you are don't  pretend you're someone else and onto the  phone and as you're the voice she'll say  hi this is me you remember me I  certainly remember you then the second  step you're gonna acknowledge how the  relationship ended so you're gonna save  this person listen I know the last time  we talked was not a very pretty sight I  know that we all know we did this we do  that I know that I knew I was right you  knew you were right and it didn't end in  a very attractive way so acknowledge  what happens so it's clear that you're  not an idiot calling back and then you  go third step is say I'm just calling  for one reason it's been six months it's  been a year it's been 10 years I just  want to call you to tell you that wall  that was incredibly painful and I was  mad as heck and I still necessarily  agree or disagree with you I do want you  to know that before that happened we had  an amazing business relationship  friendship love affair whatever it was  and well I'm not trying to start a new  one I just want to tell you how grateful  I am for that time I had with you prior  to that event because it was a great  great time in my life and you're an  important part of  life of my team and I want to thank you  for that and you won't say anything I'm  not calling to have you say anything or  give me anything I just wanted to thank  you for that time I hope you have a  great life thanks bye click what would  this do to their brain better yet what  would it do to your brain to actually  sincerely make this call and put aside  those events and associate to the good  things again another thing start a new  relationship with them I'm not saying  that I'm saying just call and  acknowledge that there was great  goodness and do it from your heart and  reconnect to that feeling how many think  this would be a major stretch let me see  your hands say aye good so then if you  can't do it you what you what  how many gonna do it raise your hand say  aye that's what I call courage and  actions see there's two types of  emotions in humanity those that are  virtually around the world honored  respected because no matter what culture  you come from we all know that those  emotions are virtuous those emotions  like forgiveness and love and faith  determination and passion and caring  those are universally no matter what  culture you go to are those respected  yes or no it doesn't matter what the  culture is even though we have varied  cultures in the world then there are  vices those emotions that we indulge in  when we're fearful and those are the  ones that destroy our life those are  like fear and envy and anger and  stubbornness and things like that and  sometimes we go to those emotions so  often we're more comfortable with vices  than with virtues and the only way to  have your virtues take over your life  which is when you really are happy  because it means you're growing the only  way to do that is to exert the muscle  even though it's weak even though the  Weisse muscle has got more pull you're  gonna to push with a virtue muscle by  the way you like movies every good movie  every good story is really at its base a  story of going from slavery to freedom  and what happens is a person is a slave  to a fear or an anger or an upset or  limitation they have these desires but  they're missing the core need of let's  say the virtue of strength or caring or  determining  love or honesty or warmth and the reason  that makes you emotional when you think  about is you see that in the movie and  in good movies the main character  finally they do all these battles and  they they try to do it the easy way and  it doesn't work and finally they step up  and when they do they have an epiphany  they have a change in the heart and soul  they put themselves on the line they do  what they don't want to do and they win  and you see and you know when the movie  ends that their life will never be the  same again because now they have the  courage and they're exercising it they  have the fake they have the love  what's the virtue you need to decide to  strengthen right now  [Music]  all pain comes from feeling like one or  more of your six needs not being met  I'll give you a clue in a relationship  when a person feels like they're less  important than anything else  relationship has challenges more  important if works more important that  person that's gonna have challenges if  another human being seems more important  than you got some real challenges  because human beings totally understand  that you can love more than one person  at one time today so we human being is  out of our need for significance want  that oneness and if something starts to  affect that can we feel amazing sense of  pain and loss well let me let me tell  you a little story for a second I have a  good friend and he decided he was gonna  move his mom and dad who had been living  in the same home for 50 years as a  surprise they've been on vacation and  while on vacation he bought them a home  and decided he and his sister were gonna  move them as a surprise okay it's coming  from a very loving place right so he  didn't realize how much you can collect  in 50 years he rented a huge u-haul  truck and we took that u-haul truck he  went out and he and his sister started  filling it up and it took him almost a  day and by the end of day of snowstorm  came into Washington DC while they're  loading it up so now he's freaking the  roads are gonna be slick he's riding a  giant u-haul worse that u-haul as big as  it was wouldn't take everything so he  and assist tried to go get a connector  you know those trailers that connects to  a u-haul on top of it and it's snowing  and they're loading all the stuff up and  their parents don't even know they're  moving right and so now he's freaked out  he's wondering if they're gonna be upset  about movie this was a great idea but  now everything's loaded up and it's time  to go and he's worried about the  whereabouts so many things so he says to  his sister he's already stressed he's in  a stress State listen go back to the  back of the trailer I'm gonna go over  here I'm gonna push on the brakes make  sure the extension trailer because  that's what people will see that those  lights show I'm braking because can you  imagine if the big trailer of lights  come on but the extension trailer  doesn't someone will slam right in the  back of him so he said okay she's okay  she goes back to he goes okay I'm  pushing she says  it's working it's working it's working  it's a great cause okay now I'm gonna do  the turn signals she says it's working  oh now it's not oh it's working now it's  not it's working now it's not he comes  back to her and says what is the matter  with you that's the turn signal that's  how you know what it's working when it's  not when it goes on and off on and up  that's how you know it's working maybe  when you said God it ws working and oh  no it's not maybe when you say no it's  not is it's working because you're aware  of what you're doing and now you can  change it see if you think it's working  as it's always perfect then we have as a  brake light but what you really want is  a wife and a life has many seasons and  you know a life that's all summer you'd  burn out on all winter you'd freeze to  death  I mean God is really cool he figured out  after winter to put spring I mean  wouldn't you put it that he figures  after night daytime cool doable that's a  really good deal all right  and after pain as always a new  opportunity right you can count on it  just like the day will follow the night  the night is not forever and no problem  is eternal only your soul is so maybe  you remember that part when you start  thinking sometimes later right  and maybe God's denials or not really  denials at all maybe they're just God's  delays I spoke in a prison once and  these guys had been in the prison and  they were all in in high-security prison  and most of them had been murdered  somebody or raped someone some of them  in rape family members and I went in to  go to this president and I wanted to  address these guys and I knew all their  histories I read them all but I also  knew that this particularly of the guys  would work unbelievably hard to somehow  transform their lives and so I decided  one day to Surprise them with some have  written letters to me because they had  listened my tapes and work and really  made some nice changes one man said that  although he had 52 more years to serve  that he really felt like he'd been  living in a pity pot and feeling sorry  for himself but that he really got my  tapes who he really is as a man and that  he really truly has never taken  responsibility and he feels better than  he ever has he feels more free than when  he was outside the walls because he  knows who he is now  and he's become who he really wants to  be and so forth so I came in surprised  these guys and I talked to the warden  before I came in and I said and I really  would like to help them I think one is  just to acknowledge them as men and tell  them even though what they did I know  human beings are not their behavior and  they're gonna have to pay the price for  that behavior so I tend to separate the  person from the behavior and I said what  do you think is the toughest thing for  these guys to deal with any said Tony  you know what it really is it these men  when they finally get to see their wives  or girlfriends which is rare and most of  my ran for 10 20 30 40 years he said the  humiliation they go through because  they're strip search and cavity searched  without going through any details there  I think you get the picture before they  get to go in to see their families and  again coming out and the the sense of  absolute horror the sense of violation  the sense of humiliation they feel shows  up when they then sit down with their  family and what happens is very often  they have fights the one time they're  with their girlfriend their family  members and they come back and they do  it even more he said could you help them  with that I'm like  okay how do you do this right so I went  in to talk to him and then I talked to  him and when I walked in I knew them all  by name and when I walked in they  thought they were gonna hear a  martial-arts speaker and I walked in and  they were really blown away and I called  him in I talked to him and I said I come  by to see you in I said I want you to  know I know that you're rapists I know  that you've murdered but I also know  that's not who you are now in your life  I know you have to pay that price I said  I came here to honor you because of the  letters I received from you and because  of who you are becoming as men I said so  I'm not here to teach you I'm here to  honor you and just in some small way but  you know I really care about you no one  had ever done that for most of in their  entire life that's one of the reasons  they did the things they did as they  never ever felt honored or loved or  respected by anyone so they tried to  demand that honor respect by just doing  anything they could to feel significant  and most of them picked a really bad way  and so I said him all in here I thought  maybe I could help you with a few things  I said some of you right now are more  free than people outside here because I  know people what you guys deal with is  so intense  I know people man they freaked out when  you know they go to Jack in the Box they  forget their damn pickles on the thing I  just think their life is really a mess  and I said I know you have bigger  challenges when you go to see your  sisters and brothers and kids and wives  and all the room tightened up and I said  I know many of you feel humiliated you  feel all these feelings and I said you  know what though I said if I were you I  wouldn't feel bad I mean you know what  you really got to do and you're gonna  feel bad for the guy it's got a search  together you should go yeah but check it  out and I got them laughing hysterically  I went on for this 20 minutes Full Tilt  right and I said you're not the one who  has it can you imagine somebody asked  that guard what he does for a living  what you got to say I mean I'm sure he  doesn't tell anybody what he really does  I said you were humiliated think about  him and I got him laughing and laughing  a laugh I said so next time make the  guard miserable so that was the next  stage to go from being able halen so now  they're thinking they're gonna have fun  with it but then the next final stage  for those people that keep raising their  hands standards and like moved to their  virtues instead of their vices as I said  now look around some of the guards in  the room and they kind of laughed when I  was talking about it somewhere there and  there so look at these guys I said  people just like you I don't think they  look forward to that  and so maybe the next time you do is  maybe feel bad for them  maybe care about how they feel and you  watch this shift happen most people live  in hypnosis I'm a D hypnotist most  people are hypnotized into thinking that  life is one way they've walked it in  their mind you tell them a story people  going into a trance as they listen to  their story and the brain tends to make  new associations so that's how you get  the shift to occur so how many gonna  make this call say ah and here's the  second call I want you to make the  second call is not painful you'll want  to make this call how many of you out  there have had an experience where there  was somebody who you're really close to  somebody you really appreciate it really  enjoyed really loved and you didn't have  an argument you didn't have something  negative happened you just got so busy  and they got so busy and you're like in  different places and you didn't call for  a while and the more you didn't call the  weirder it felt not to call but then  since you did call for so long it really  felt weird not to call now you haven't  called forever and you kind of like the  commercial sense kind of drifted away  and it wasn't because you were upset  with them at all how many to have  someone like that somewhere in your life  raise your hands say aye  that's your second call what are you  gonna do call them up acknowledge who  you are you're the same thing  acknowledge what happened tell the truth  so listen you know I'm calling I'm sure  you want me time to talk right now we  don't need to I'm just calling to tell  you one thing and that is that I just I  think about you a lot that you know I  haven't talked to you so long that after  a while it's on the truth I didn't call  for a while you didn't call I was busy  you were busy and then it felt weird to  call so the reason I'm calling is so it  doesn't feel weird to call in the future  right I'm just calling to tell you I  love you and I'm so thrilled that you're  part of my team and even if we don't  talk for two years I always care about  you and if you ever want to talk I'm  always here and then you find one every  time so I just want to say thanks have a  nice night know that that person I  guarantee will stop you no no no I'm so  glad you call it and what it'll do is  it'll take a part of your life like one  thing you can finally put behind you  this thing you can put back in front of  you and reconnect with it and I think  you're gonna find it it'll have a really  wonderful processional effect like you  know when you drop the rock on the wall  it doesn't stop there when hits the  water has this neat little wave effect  on your life same thing happens when you  reconnect to someone you really consider  to be a friend it has an impact of  things that you normally wouldn't  measure in that area how many want to  make this call so say I and here's the  third assignment the third assignment  team-building is I want you to make a  list of all the key team members of your  life and what I mean by that is anyone  you consider to be part of your team  team can be intimate loved ones it can  be family or friends team can be those  people you work with who you really  really care about but I'm talking about  your clothes inner team of people the  people that you care about the people  who have their feelings about you has  influence over you the people that you  would be driven to give to and to serve  and therefore would need to grow and  contribute in some way and one of them  asked you to do is I want you to right  next to each person's name some unique  way you let them know you care about  them in the next 30 to 45 days some  unique way because what we all assume is  that everybody knows we love them but we  don't people don't they forget or them  experience it in a certain way they  don't know so I want you to do it unique  quick  [Music]  how many of you have kids let's see your  hands  Wow how many of teenage kids an example  great another breed aren't they so now  here's know what you do I want you come  up with a unique way to make them feel  totally loved only take what's great  about this number one you'll increase  your connection and sense of team number  two you have a blast coming up with  creative things number three you'll feel  wonderful when you're doing it and when  all those wonderful things are happening  it'll affect your career believe it or  not because it'll affect the way you  feel about yourself and your identity  and what you're doing in your life it  enriches everything these little things  mean everything I give an example when I  married my wife Becky I wanted to have  four kids I got three instantly and all  of a sudden here we in a short time we  have four kids and I had kids at that  time my youngest I think was four and my  oldest was 17 and I was 24 years old  right so that makes you grow up pretty  quick right so I feel myself in a place  where it's like wow here at this great  love affair with my wife and I really  love these kids but also Wham and they  were in my life quickly rapidly  powerfully and I had a feel ideal that  it was very difficult at first extremely  difficult because I felt like I was  getting less connection I was less  significant than the kids were and so  forth it was very difficult but  gradually what happened is I love these  kids so much that it expanded my life  that didn't mean less significance less  connection and then I could have him for  more places in a deeper level and I was  at one of the greatest gifts of my  entire life if you asked me are you a  successful man I would say yes and my  number one criteria is what incredible  kids I have who they are as people which  I think they've done on their own but I  think I've certainly helped to shape  some of their core value structures and  belief structures which is villainy can  shape you can't control behavior but you  can certainly shape a good deal with  somebody values and believes by your  example and your caring and so when this  first happened I also was 24 years old  starting my career I was doing an  average of 200 days a year on the road  and I was building and doing everything  so I'm not even there  most the time and so these kids are my  life and I'm thinking my god how do I  connect with these kids how do they know  I love them when I'm not there and the  only solution I could come up with was  okay I got to be their number one and  number two I got to really be there when  I'm there you know I had four fathers  myself and the one who I considered to  be my real father is not my birth father  you know he's not my father genetically  but the one I mentioned about the way  was the one I was closest to and I have  the least amount of time with him but I  really had what I call magic moments  with him just moments I never forget as  long as I live and they help to shape a  good part of who I am and what I believe  in value and so I thought that's what I  gonna do I got to create magic moments  these kids but I decided to do it the  way I'm asking you to do it  strategically not like just okay I'll  figure a way to really put focus into it  as I looked at each kid because each kid  has different needs to know they're  loved so as I looked at that I was able  to and I thought about I don't want to  just do this to my kids I want to do  this with the whole world so I'll give  an example I've been on the road but  I've been going forever and I came home  and I was really exhausted I want to be  with my family and in the California of  these restaurants called the chartoff so  we go to the Chart House that night and  we get there my kids are there I'm  excited to be with everybody and that  night you know we usually get great  service at the Chart House but that  night I get those extraordinary servers  you could possibly imagine I mean if you  ever had a waiter a waitress that is so  happy so alive so loving so wonderful  that like you can't wait for them to  come back to the table to get another  hit off of them  I don't even been there say I so if you  remember what that felt like this kid  comes over and he is just a total joy to  be around I'm thinking this is wonderful  he takes care of my kids so well and  he's so happy and I'm thinking wow I got  a tip this kid really well and I thought  well you know I could tip him and I will  and that'll make him feel good for the  moment but boy I'd love to do something  that would be a moment he wouldn't  forget on top of that so I thought for a  while and I came up with an idea and so  when he came over the next time he walks  over it's just how you doing I said  excuse me but I didn't speak to your  manager he looks at me he says is there  something wrong I said I need to speak  to your manager  he said well Miss Robbins there's  something I can do I mean have I done  something wrong can I help you I said I  need to speak to your  manager he's like oh my god okay he goes  off now why have I done this contrast  after this anything will feel good by  contrast so he goes over the manager and  you can see the manager when he gets the  information rise across the room he  looks over at the table and you can see  his face girl  god I got a deal with another one of  those it's one of those things right so  he walks over like dead man walking  right he comes on over here and he gets  the table and he looks up and he says  you asked to speak to me and I stand up  and I said yes Do You Know Who I am yes  mr. Robbins and we all know who you are  I see you know something I gotta tell  you something I travel around the world  I'm on the road maybe 200 days a year  this is where I live I come home I want  to be with my family I want have a nice  meal so we're outside to come the Chart  House I want to tell you something every  time I come here I get the most amazing  service I can possibly imagine he goes  I'm really sorry mr. Robbins I really  promise we'll fix it and soon you're not  listening to me  I said every time I come here I got the  most extraordinary service even being  gonna hold four he's like oh thank you I  said but tonight is an exception he goes  oh I see this kid what's his name hey  Chris I say this kid Chris wrote I  something I mean in the best restaurants  the world I've eaten the worst  restaurants the world I've seen it all  this kid is the best waiter I've ever  seen in my entire life he goes I'll be  sure to correct a mr. Robbins I promise  you all correct him I'll straighten him  out so no no no he's the best waiter  I've ever seen anywhere finest  restaurant in the world doesn't matter  so I said to him the reason I want to  bring you over here was to thank you you  guys for us to have that greatest  service every time and for you to  attract a kid like this I know whoever  manages this place must be an  extraordinary soul and while it just may  seem like a meal to you or other people  I said for me this is the time to  connect with my family and to be this  supported and this wonderful you must be  one unbelievable man I want to shake  your hand I want to thank you he was  like oh my god thank you miss Robin  and then he looked at me and he's like  teary-eyed and I said I mean it I said I  don't stuff to tease you so you'd really  hear me when I told you what I really  want to tell you I said I really want to  thank you are me from my heart and this  guy you just see him he just blossomed  you know and they looked at me he said  don't worry about Chris I'll be sure to  correct him  so sure enough as he leaves my table he  walks like this and he points at Chris  goes he's got this looking Chris's  welcome to plague this and as he does  that all of a sudden you can see him  talking to Chris in the distance and  also you see Chris go from this to that  he's like totally juiced right because  when I also said to him as I said this  kid Chris do whatever it takes I said I  gotta tell you this to keep this kid  he's the best you got given more hours  give a raise I mean you're insane  and I know you're not insane to be this  good a manager if you don't give this  kid a raise and if you don't do it now  grab this kid and keep him right so he  was going all this stuff right he's all  jumping up and down so I figured  something good it's happening I mean  when I turn to my daughter at the table  and I said Jolie I said ask the people  whose table next to us what kind of  service they got from this kid and he  was serving them too and I said if they  get said that it was good don't bother  but he says great or outstanding or  something like that same tell them that  what we want to do when he comes back  across here is we want to stand up on  our chairs when he comes back over here  in the middle of the restaurant and give  us standing ovations scream his name  Chris Cruz Cruz Cruz Cristal thought cuz  old dad don't make me do this so jolly  done so she goes over and says my dad  wants to know what kind of service  you're getting no I'm believing on  saying well my dad what stand up on our  chairs and clamp and stuff and they're  like and this one was table said we'll  do it  she obviously was the woman with  leverage at that table okay so sure  enough Chris he gets whatever News he  gets he's euphoric man he's like walk  climbing over to us right you know  skipping his stuff right and he gets  about two-thirds way across I go now now  we all jump up in our chairs the middle  the restaurant I trust my god he has  Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris and Hall  room starts the whole restaurant turns  looks he's like so by the time he comes  over he comes over at his mouth hanging  open he said you guys are so great to me  oh my god he went online he was like  your Tyrion he said why'd you just he's  my boss just give me a raise he said you  told him I said you give me raise he  agreed and he said why did you do this  why'd you do this and he was like both  like happy but also kind of emotional  you know and they got really cheered he  said man why would you do this and I  just looked at him everything was quiet  that's why would we not I said you're  part of our team I see you treat us like  team members you choose like your family  I said we noticed that so we are we did  for you what we would do for any family  member I said so I'm really glad you  deserve this I said we really love you  they start a cry and then my daughter  started cry  I got all teary-eyed right he came over  and give us this big hug you know it was  really wonderful we left at night we  didn't just have a meal we created a  moment see into your life I don't think  you're gonna remember all the  experiences your life I just don't I  think you remember certain moments you  can create them or you can hope they  show up every once in a while rarely  does a good idea interrupt you rarely  does a quality of life just happened it  must be created and constructed with  conscious thought caring and desire  that's what makes a great life it'll be  a great story if it entered there but it  didn't cuz I don't know three or four  weeks later I came back into town I  really wanted to go the restaurant we  get to the restaurant it's a very  popular place and there's an hour and a  half wait and I ain't waiting so I was  like we're out of here how about to  leave I hero mr. robbins mr. albans  that's critical so let's mushrooms we  have a table for you mister I was coming  and I'm like yes yeah what you put out  comes back and it didn't in there about  two or three months later we rented the  Blue Room they have right on the ocean  and we had I don't know 50 60 people  over a business meeting in all we had a  big meal with everybody in it was  wonderful great food great service great  everything I knew the bill would be  sizable but it was what I expected  obviously dough came it was sizable you  know but there had a big red X through  it and it said no charge for family  thanks mr. Robbins isn't that cool the  Chart House what classy group of people  class act doesn't end there my daughter  at the time I think was they got 14 15  years old think she was just turning 15  and she was getting concerned about  having a car I don't know if you have  the same challenge as I do in this area  but I grew up with absolutely nothing  since I've earned everything I have in  my life including all my economics I  have a great deal of pride because I  built the muscle myself no one gave it  to me so I have some self-esteem that  comes from that and I want my kids to  have that same self-esteem but I also  would love to spoil them cuz geez I  can't I could give any car that one  there's no question so I'm torn oh if  you have that experience to of like  wanting to help but wanting them to have  the growth and it's a tough place to be  so the way I try to resolve that is you  know I try to get into earn important  things and they do a good job I usually  just throw it in anyway or sometimes I  just Surprise them and do cool things to  spoil them for the moment and then back  up later on I have learned something  else and so when my daughter wanted she  knew I get on a car and I said I will  not buy your car under any circumstances  you must earn it so I said here's what  you do if you stay a straight-a student  in school I'll give you this much I will  double whatever you earn working for  somebody else if you stay in a  straight-a student  that'll get you your car much faster if  you're a straight-a student and you  become an entrepreneur I'll loan you a  thousand bucks to start your business  and I'll triple whatever you make as  your profits right well she didn't want  to be an entrepreneur so that was okay  so you want a job but the thing she ran  into it 14 is nobody would hire her  right just turned 15 I think you have to  be like 17 in most these places to get a  job places she wanted to work anyway and  one the places she really want to work  was the chart house cuz she just loved  that environment and serving people and  so forth and you had to be 17 to be  there of course you know those are the  rules for non family members so next  thing I know my daughter's working there  she's the hostess everything's cool  we're now really are visiting family  whenever we go there it doesn't end  there while she was there Jolie met her  first real boyfriend and she was 15 and  he was 21 and I had to show my gun  collection  but the  [Applause]  and now but he's a great kid really  great kid he had a really great heart  and he understood that that's what he  needed to exercise most and and so he  was really into the arts and  entertainment and he really got Jolie  interested in what she later became  which is an actress she's been on  Broadway and she actually was on a TV  show last night and he's the one who  really got interested on stuff and he  was really a wonderful man with really  great values  I kept pointing out that he was the man  however but still the bottom line is it  was really wonderful and I remember one  day Jolie came home and she was like you  know before when they told him uh she's  dancing and singing and you know  everything is wonderful you know and I  what's going on so we love right so the  middle of us I said hey Joe what made  all this possible this magical  relationship you have with him she said  we looked across the salad bar I said  yeah I understand that but I mean what  made that possible  she what do you mean I said how come you  met him she goes well I met him at work  I saw huh and how did you get that work  and she thought for a moment and then  she got really teary eyed it was really  emotional and she said oh my god  it was that day when we acknowledged  Chris huh yes that's right honey  I said a chain never ends when you do  something good that chain that comes  from it never ends you may not notice it  but it never ends I said because you  were loving and warms this man it did  something a theme felt a little weird  that led to you working here and you're  working here led to you meeting this man  you me this man has led to this great  love affair you know I said so maybe  standing up on a chair and cropping  Chris Chris Chris was not such a bad  thing  just give me big God story didn't end  there  Chris came to work for Robbins research  many of you in this room are actually  work with Chris he's one of our pars one  of the people that works with our  account representatives and many of you  this room are here because of his name  is Chris Hendrickson he's one of the top  people on our group as well so he  doesn't hit MIT Chris talked to a man  named Martin Sheen once many years ago  when I was first doing my infomercials  and Martin had a great deal of  credibility he's never really endorsed  anything he's very strong in his beliefs  and he believed in Crist enough to try  my tapes tapes changed his life he and I  developed a great friendship out of that  he appeared in my show and I reach  millions of other people who wouldn't  listen to me some big guy with teeth but  they were a little too listen to Martin  and so I reached millions of people  because of Chris didn't there I needed  someone who could help me cuz I generate  so much new material for all the things  that I do I have a whole creative  department I have eight people to work  full-time to keep up with what I'm  constantly daily coming up with and  downloading and I need someone head up  that department and Chris told me about  this woman that was one of his customers  he said was unbelievable convinced me an  interview where I did she came to work  for me and most of what I create is done  through her and my team all because of  Chris - you'll never know the  consequences of one kind act that's  sincerely given you'll never know for  sure  for the person you touch and maybe it  won't come back to you from them  sometimes people are so busy trying to  figure out what they got out of  something that they're missing what  they're getting but what about your kids  come back to my kids I got all these  kids oh my god I don't know I love them  all they're all different people so I  made a plan just like I'm asking you to  do that's ok let's start with Jarek  jerks my youngest he was 4 then it's 14  now I looked at that I said okay here's  Jarek oh my gosh how do I make this  happen we got a picture Jarek here's  this little kid who has a certain  identity for his dad I found out what he  thought of me one day when I went to his  preschool pick him up I walked in the  woman said oh my god oh my god he was  telling the truth  what are you talking about someone says  you you're the guy you're the guy in the  TV the helicopter oh yeah listen you  know she goes oh my god she goes he's  been telling everybody my father's a  giant he lives in a castle and he's  flying in a helicopter to pick me up -  that okay that's I got a good picture of  how her he perceives his dad right so  then I'm thinking okay how do I make him  feel totally loved  well not the way I would do it his  strategy is different right everybody's  different if you love him you want to  meet it their way so like you know tell  him he's loved that doesn't quite do it  hugging him he likes but he really wants  to do is just hang out and do stuff but  I don't like to do right he wants to go  in the back of the yard in the dirt  this is not high on my values list right  but I know it's what he loves right he  wants to make up these games so I go  okay that's what I'm really gonna do it  I'm not gonna do it but I'm going to  enjoy it I'm not just gonna do it to do  it I'm gonna enjoy it I want to find a  way to join the way that's good cuz  he'll notice if I'm not enjoying it  right  so I decided alright I just need to  become a kid again at a really young kid  level right so I go up there and doing  this and bear in mind you know you know  you know he thinks I'm a giant right  suppose dad here throw this rock I said  son it's a boulder your dad you're a  giant you can throw it okay son I know  what the back it's okay I love my kid  right so the end of this day I say to  him I said you know what I said we need  to go to the toy store he said why I  said cuz you need to have a new toy he  said you're right so we go to a toy  store and he and half the tourists are  like did you ever see the movie big  nothing my son Jarek and I on the x toy  store because we go around I'd love to  ply it with everything right he might  play for an hour and a half when we buy  anything so then we're at the front desk  and I said okay look here's the deal  you've been a good kid so you can have  any one toy not more than one any ones  where the whole story I don't care what  the toy is cuz you're so good but only  one some think clearly which one you  want  go get it all wait here meanwhile I  picked out several toys I want to play  with that I hope he picks  he's like this kids decisive man he's  not even gone for three minutes he knew  exactly what I had this huge toy store  he knew exactly what he wanted he comes  back it's behind his back I said what'd  you get he was a plastic rake a rake I  said son I said what's this he goes it's  a rake dad that way you and I go out in  the front yard and read for hours and  hours  oh boy son wonderful but you know what's  interesting we went out there it's what  he really wanted I was crushed  I like worked all these years setting up  do that crap anymore right so I got that  we rake for two hours the wall we're  doing it we laughed and we joke and we  talked about stuff you know he and I are  leaving after the seminar on Monday I go  to New York but on Tuesday we fly to  Fiji to go to my resort it's just he and  I you spend a week together so I can  just be with him by himself you know and  we were talking the other day it was  went to Aspen and we were talking about  those days talk about the Reiki  experience and he I laughed about it  again he'll never forget that I'll never  forget that I can promise you that but  there was this bonding you know this  magic that happened during that time  wasn't about Reiki is about being with  each other but he came out in an  experience now my son Joshua at the time  I think he was like nine a rake was not  gonna do it right and so I've been out  of town so sure enough I came back into  town and instead of waiting to the end  of the day I thought you know what I've  been with him with everybody else but  not by himself so I immediately went to  a school and I checked him out of school  and novanet  he got out he said what's the matter  what's the matter I said nothing's the  matter  so why you taking me in a school - no  that's because this Joshua's dead he  said what does that mean I said we've  been with everybody else I've been gone  we've been together but I want to be  just you and I one-on-one have a great  time together  so this is your day we do whatever you  want for the rest day you and I he said  really I said yeah he said we could we  go to the zoo  this is sure he said well can we go to  SeaWorld I said sure  he said could we go miniature golfing I  said sure which ones you want to do he  said dad you're a possibility guy all of  it  I said sure and we have the greatest day  and I remember this day you know he's  you know as big as I am now practically  he's big kid right an incredible kid  he's now at 19 I guess and I remember  going to golf with this little guy and  we talked about girls cuz he's getting  up some girls was going on and we said  this incredible magical time we still  talk about Joshua days  all right cool days and we still do we  just do in a different way they're  different age my daughter Jolie she and  I were the most alike of all the kids  she's outrageous and playful and crazy  and passionate fun and she's an  entertainer and so and we love the same  music and she was older I just 14th time  and everything was going great we were  like totally bonded now didn't start  that way the day I married my wife she  cried the entire day my daughter did  right so sure enough you know things I  gotta figure out how to bond with her  and we bond everything's wonderful  but as she got a little bit older she  began to change physically and as she  did she became a young woman and as she  did suddenly men started showing up my  house and my gun and collection was  having to come out on a more regular  basis and everything was going great  except we almost didn't start having  these spirited debates when she became a  teenager I really spirited debates  that's a code word for a fight and and  so what happened was because I'll be  saying I don't want you doing this and  one of our biggest challenges was she  developed a role model at that time who  I didn't think was the ideal role model  for a fourteen-year-old Madonna this was  in Madonna's lace days where she was you  know some mixing your crosses for her  lace outfits and so forth so for some  reason this created a little break in  our communication for some reason in  them so gradually I realized man what  does a teenager really want to know that  they're part of your team and know that  you love them what do teenagers want  most come on what do they want keys the  car yeah that's true but what else  that's right respect and independence  right so I remember Jim Rohn telling me  and I had a friend that also had a very  similar experience growing up we're  particularly friend of mine anyway was  very very wealthy and I was very poor  and I remember well I want to go a  concert I had to earn the money for it  he had asked for it I thought he had it  easy and one night it was  house when he was asking for it and his  father was an ogre and he his father  basically made him beg and grovel for it  and finally after begging and groveling  took the money on his part to crumble  the ball through on the ground so if you  wanted that bad go ahead and I'm never  thinking how disgusting to treat your  own kid that way I think you can learn  from what works in life you can also  learn from what doesn't work  so I swore I'd never do that so I  thought you know what I know she wants  to go what if you read in the paper and  you see your teenager and you know  they're gonna go to a concert you notice  in the paper some you know values-driven  organization like Smashing Pumpkins or  poison or you know some other value  driven rock group is coming to town and  you're not usually thrilled about the  idea of them working out and going  through this thing but you decide  instead to do something different it's  Madonna and so what do you do instead of  waiting for them to come back you go buy  the tickets in advance and you keep them  in your breast pocket waiting for that  inevitable morning when your son or  daughter comes to you and says dad which  like some fresh-squeezed orange juice  they said no I'm fine thank you um well  would you like that the car washed oh no  it's fine what do you want jolly well  yeah um there's this cluster coming to  town are you beating Madonna whoa you go  here you can't even talk  said you know say anything well why  don't you want to go oh yeah but why'd  you do this cuz I love you I mean I know  you want to go we're the same team  sometimes doesn't look like it we get to  fight I love you I think your musics  great too is it so no you should go and  have a great time in fact I've arranged  for a car for you and there's tickets  for there and you and your best friend  both oh my god and then you arrange a  car to take them a limousine right  primarily could you want someone to keep  an eye on them  but also you want to create a magic  moment there they are with the best but  in the back of a limousine driving to  the Madonna concert oh my god they go  there and limousine pulls up and they  assume that they're in the far edge  reserved seats right so they go to that  far area and they hand the tickets to  the guy the guy goes oh you're in the  wrong section come with me  they walk and they walk and they walk  and they walk and they walk and they  walk in the walk they leave through this  reserved section they come into loge  they walk and they walk and they walk  and they walk and they walk and they  walk and they walk with a load they come  into the main section right main  reserved Z oh my god they walk and they  walk and they walk they leave that area  the guys starting to walk right into the  orchestra pit right course eats the  whole house and also your daughter or  son turns to the guy and says there must  be some mistake my father bought these  tickets no no keep coming they walk and  they walk and they walk and they walk  and they walk they walk and they walk  and they walk till they arrive at the  very front row middle two seats of the  entire stadium where they can sit down  look up and watch Madonna wiggle and  your daughter's best friend the whole  world turns and says you have the most  awesome father on the planet  [Applause]  so you got it aside are you gonna blast  through your life and forget what you  really love but you really really live  for cuz you're busy trying to achieve  something are you gonna do both live  fully and blast through everything you  want to achieve - the only way you do  that is if you understand team inner  team is the most important thing so  that's my challenge to you is to make it  the most important thing including by  the way the team inside of you because  for years I took first seven eight years  of my career I didn't take one day off  over seven days a week that was it  because my whole identity was I don't  stop but I've also learned through lots  of pain that if you just give to  everybody else but yourself pretty soon  you're emptying you got nothing to give  back and so I learned gradually to  really give myself things give myself  time give myself little events and I  want you to do that so I have one of  their assignment for you nanus I want  you for the next four weeks to promise  me one thing  besides coming up with your plan and  take care of your team that you come up  with a plan that gives you one hour a  week for the next four weeks when you do  something for you that you normally will  not do for yourself I don't know what is  everybody's different maybe it's just a  walk on a beach or a walk away because  you never give yourself time by yourself  maybe it's buying yourself something you  would never do is all that stupid I  don't need that do it anyway  coz I'll tell you what will happen when  you give to yourself you have something  to give to others you know it's the  Bible says love thy neighbor like  thyself  which presupposes that you would love  yourself  that's not very popular thing as most  people who pretend to love themselves  really don't they don't only love  themselves they hate themselves giving  to yourself as a gift that when you give  to yourself and you're so much happier  so much more alive to be able to give to  others may be a part of you wants to  sing you're not a singing you're a  businessman for God's sake so you know  your song and your whole life but as  long as there's a part of you that  really wants to sing you don't do it  you're not gonna feel whole so you take  one hour a week and you're never sing in  public doesn't matter you just learn to  sing the joy it'll give you will show up  in your next business deal it'll show up  the way you treat your kids no you want  to dance where am I gonna dance who  cares go do it and for me it was flying  a helicopter I went  I don't know the money at the time I  couldn't do it but I took one lesson  that's all took uh-oh hook me you know  and I went in it was like the most  magical feeling to lift up and go ever  you want straight forward backwards  sideways straight up down middle the sky  was the most amazing thing I found a way  to make it work and flying the  helicopter changed my life because the  fly a helicopter it's so sensitive that  to turn from here to here like this  would be a movement from here to here  and that's all it takes  so when you fly a helicopter you don't  do this you don't move around if I  helicopter you're totally centered and  it's more thought it's a tiny bit of  pressure like here to here as a normal  turn I'm trying exaggerated so you'll  see it and my first solo fly to look  down there dolphins and a giant whale  floating below me on the ocean cuz I'm  floating along I'm like yeah so it  taught me how to be centered all these  things you think you really don't need  some part of you to reason you want it  there's a part of you that's wise and  knows that something will come from that  that will make you better and allow you  to give more how many want to give one  hour a week for the next four weeks you  can always go back to the old way after  that to yourself to do things you  normally would never do by create or  give how many want to commit to do that  take care of your team and you say I and  make sure you really do it you don't  just say aye and it doesn't have to be  something huge it could be something  simple something really will but for you  if you take care of you you won't feel  sucked dry and you'll want to give more  to the people you don't take care of you  you'll start to resent some of the  people around you who you've been giving  to they didn't ask you and demanded from  you you gave yourself now last thing  I'll say in the subject is this if you  really think about life think about what  a quality life is about you got to think  that ultimately you got to take care of  your team you're gonna take care of the  team inside of you but you got to join a  team that's gonna challenge you because  some people think a friend is someone  who just accepts you the way you are no  matter what you do and I don't agree  with that I don't agree to that I think  it's a real friend somebody loves you so  much they'll tell you what's going on  they'll be straight with you it's easy  to just appease someone I don't want a  friend that's gonna take joy out of  beating me up but I want a friend who  cares so much for me that if all sudden  I started say something for me a cycle  you know what Tony that's bull  you're better than that because I love  you I can't let you say that because you  you'd be tarnishing the name on my best  friend I  you can't look yourself in the mirror  and not do this I need a friend that'll  tell me that not a friend that goes okay  well you're probably right you don't  need to make the call  join a group of friends find yourself a  team that'll challenge you J Willard  Marriott the man who built the Marriott  hotels  he had a great phrase or poem he lived  his life by he said good timber does not  grow with ease the stronger the wind the  stronger the trees you want friends are  gonna challenge you you want a peer  group that has an expectation as high or  higher than your own not a peer group  with low expectations so that you accept  wherever you are because the only way  you're gonna be happiest if you do what  grow and contribute and you only do that  is if you have people you care so much  about that you really want to do that an  ongoing basis beyond your own basic  fundamental needs that's out of your  life of lasting value so the message of  this section of seminars really simple  don't just be a talker be away a walker    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJVmLXUHzpo