2RqRquEA

1Dad,
2You all have a new nephew, born about 9 30, 7 pounds, 12 ounces,
3Baby, mom and dad are doing great, 
4To be named tomorrow,
5Dylan, 
6Tomorrow is a really stupid name for a baby,
7Stop ruining the moment dylan,
8
9In improv class we had to come up with a kinda neutral statement for someone to respond to and one of the guys said to me, 
10Hey did you hear they’ve stopped making socks, and i just lost it,
11That shit is so funny,
12Why would they just stop making socks, 
13I wanna explore that world,
14
15Replica of titanic will set sail in 2022,
16Iceberg,
17Bold of you to assume there will be icebergs by 2022,
18
19Traffic lights in a fog,
20On the next season of stranger things,
21
22I wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed,
23A dentist,
24I don’t know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police,
25
26I heard a cardboard noise and turned around to find this,
27Fashion,
28
29Do you ever just get a vibe that someone has a crush on you and then you’re not sure if they actually do or if you’re just really really self absorbed,
30
31Shirts are crazy, your body goes in one hole and out 3,
32Excuse me,
33She’s not wrong,
34
35As a procrastinating overachiever i feel like i don’t necessarily half ass things, it’s more like a 3 fourths ass, 
36Like overall did i do pretty well, yeah, 
37Did i reach my maximum potential though, i think the fuck not,
38
39The bond’s name, james name,
40Pleased to, what,
41Bond name’s the james,
42Are you alright,
43Bames nond’s having a stronk, call a bondulance,
44This shouldn’t have made me laugh so hard but i almost cried,
45
46Appreciation post for these random fishermen in moana,
47Cute,
48Perfectly convey the exact emotion you feel when two people you know well but don’t know well get into a family argument in front of you,
49
50Mmm, smells like my lasagna is ready,
51I was in the middle of being kinda upset but this made me laugh really hard,
52
53Out of the whole book, i’d rather be a malfoy than anyone else because i get to be a baddie,
54I take great pleasure in terrifying children from all around the world,
55I love him more than i can say,
56
57Why is it so easy to stay awake until 6 am but so hard to wake up at 6 am,
58Things in motion tend to stay in motion, while things at rest tend to stay at rest,
59Physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics physics,
60
61Me, i’ve been awake for 36 hours please let me sleep,
62My brain, mister sandman, man me a sand,
63Make it the cutest man car door hook hand,
64
65180000 dollar aston martin killed by 200 dollar pink car,
66Aesthetic,
67Class war,
68Stuart semple attacking anish kapoor,
69
70Today’s cheerful note, the atomic bomb can’t kill you more times than you’re going to die anyway,
71The index journal, greenwood, south carolina, august 6, 19 52,
72Every time millennials say they have the darkest sense of humor, the cold war generations have a little giggle,
73Cool but this could literally be a tweet made yesterday,
74
75Woman shocked to find a chicken snuck into her house and was riding around on a roomba,
76Let him roomba,
77
78Port a puppy,
79
80So i was writing a small paper in microsoft word and the program suddenly crashed, i saved a couple minutes before, thank god,
81And i get this message in the corner of my screen two seconds afterward,
82Microsoft word is now playing the elder scrolls 5, skyrim,
83What the fuck,
84A whole new level of procrastination where your paper itself is procrastinating,
85
86Dracula, what a cute valentine card, this was so thoughtful,
87Well, it’s the thought that counts, 
88And it’s the count,
89Wink,
90That thoughts,
91Thinks,
92Dang it,
93I really love everything about this,
94
95Me r n,
96She looks like an old ukranian woman who lost her son dimitri in the war and now sits by the side of a weary road less travelled selling potatoes for a very modest price,
97
98Which is better, a dog with a backpack or a dog in a backpack,
99Clearly a big dog with a backpack containing a smaller dog,
100True,
101
102When you see my husband on queer eye in ten years know that he actually dresses nice and can cook and go to the theatre and that he is only pretending to be schlubby because our kink is conning five nice gay men with netflix money into redoing our living room and that this is all a very elaborate sexy roleplay for us,
103Wow, o p’s mind,
104
105National news,
106Mayor stubbs the cat,
107Why do we never talk about the fact that for the past 15 years in a small town in alaska the mayor has been a cat,
108Mayor stubbs,
109He doesn’t raise our taxes, we have no sales tax, he doesn’t interfere with business, said lauri stec, he’s honest,
110And he only drinks water from a wine glass,
111A town decided that a cat would be a better mayor than people,
112He’s good, probably the best we’ve had,
113
114I really hate coming out but still want my extended family to know, so my mother took it upon herself to invent the game, guess which one of my kids is gay,
115The rules are simple,
116Sit down with uncle so and so,
117He saying something about gay people in passing,
118My mom says, there’s a gay person at this table right now, guess which one of my kids it is,
119He looks frantically between the three of us trying to figure out if she’s joking or not and trying desperately not to offend anyone but also she won’t continue with the conversation unless he makes a guess so he has to make a guess,
120We all enjoy his discomfort immensely,
121
122When you pull your headphones out of your pocket and out comes our keys, money, tampons, and russia,
123Okay i’ve had so many people asking me why i, a boy, would have tampons in my pocket, but not a single person asking me why, a boy, would have the actual nation of russia in my pocket,
124Everyone knows that putin made a travel sized russia,
125Russian accent, ah yes i make perfect country to putin your pocket,
126
127Y’all ever just in the mood to mutilate a j peg,
128I got one of the best pictures i ever made out of that urge,
129Honse,
130
131The cha cha slide in full metal armor,
132Slide to the left,
133Indescribably loud screeching of metal against asphalt,
134One hop this time,
135Clonk,
136Two hops this time,
137Clonk clonk,
138Everybody clap your hands,
139Clank clank clank clank clank,
140
141Musical instrument,
142Fire extinguisher,
143Jazz for your soul,
144This makes so much more sense now,
145Why didn’t this meme come with a translator’s note,
146
147Albert einstein was a fan of the children’s puppet show, time for beany,
148On one occasion, the physicist interrupted a high level conference by announcing, you will have to excuse me, gentlemen, it’s time for beany,
149Beany time,
150
151Nude vampires with gloves, tintype on silver, 18 64, artist unknown, and possibly consumed,
152This is the greatest fucking caption i’ve ever seen,
153
154It only takes three generations for you to be basically forgotten,
155Tell that to my great great uncle, who is the reason that it’s illegal to drive a tractor while drunk in the state of kansas,
156
157Umbridge, boys and girls are not permitted to be within eight inches of each other,
158Gay wizard laughter,
159
160Me, walking,
161My cat, i am going to run in front of you, i am going to sprint in front of you so fast mid step and you are going to punt me into the sun,
162Me, okay sir yes sir,
163Source, l m a o ade,
164I literally read this as,
165Me, okay sir yes sir,
166My cat, lamonade,
167
168Punjab candidate cries after getting only five votes, says there are nine members in his own family,
169
170Raincow,
171
172Mom, you play too much video games,
173Also mom, who plays candy crush,
174Level 3928,
175
176Media saying video games cause violence,
177Me building a house for my wife and kids in skyrim,
178
179There has got to be a better way to display children’s clothes,
180
18120000 flies tied to strings pull my lifeless body into the sky,
182You would not believe your eyes,
183If 20000 tethered flies,
184Hoisted my corpse into the sky,
185
186When someone is explaining something to you and you get hit with the realization that you haven’t retained anything that has been said to you and the moment they stop talking to you won’t be able to recall any part of it,
187
188You look sad today,
189Yeah, i’m sad everyday, i just didn’t have the energy to hide it today,
190
191Every post on reddit is like, my wife left me, so i spent 100000 on a new man cave, and there’s always a storm trooper of some kind in the room,
192I’ve seen this happen so often on reddit that now i associate storm troopers and the entire star wars universe with divorce,
193May divorce be with you,
194
195I just accidentally broke into a supermarket,
196The door was open so i went in and started filling up my basket and this security guard started screaming at me and trying to set off the alarm and apparently they don’t open for another hour but i d k why he thought i was thief because i was trying to use the self checkout why would a thief pay for stuff s m h,
197
198Just found out moose can dive as deep as 20 feet, 6 meters, for aquatic vegetation, 
199Can you imagine, like, being a diver, and you’re 20 feet underwater, it’s murky, and you run into a moose,
200A,
201Moose,
202This is, by the way, one of the reasons that a regular predator of the moose is the orca whale,
203
204So someone stole my credit card and spent 476 dollars at mcdonalds in a single transaction,
205Just saw this on my facebook,
206
207Me, oh no, i’m dying, i feel so sick and weak,
208Eats food and drinks water,
209Oh, i’m fine, and i have powers now,
210
211There’s a new girl at our school and she’s been here for 5 days and she’s already dated two guys what is her secret,
212I love how, instead of slut shaming her, you’re legitimately impressed and slightly envious,
213
214This bitch playing fire emblem in the club l m a o,
215
216Anakin when palpatine tells him to kill dooku,
217That’s outrageous,
218Done,
219Dewit,
220
221Kapp’n,
222So tell me, megan,
223What’re ye plannin on doin out in area 51,
224
225When you eat grass from your neighbors lawn for a living,
226Professional brontosaurus,
227
228My music taste, my personality,
229Me on the outside,
230Inside my earphones,
231Cute japanese girls singing in the background,
232
233Infinity train, more like therapy train,
234Everybody’s traumatized, bitch, 
235Let’s get you some therapy,
236
237When you gotta reject another potential lover because you’re still emotionally unstable,
238
239Anxiety, depression and heartbreak,
240Me blasting pop punk,
241
242Don’t do war, 
243How will you enforce that,
244World leaders,
245
246Your sadness,
247Me doing my best to make you smile 1 meme at a time,
248
249Do not drink alcohol with this medication,
250Me,
251
252Gamers,
253Again, seriously,
254Boomers, that dumb parent, trump, fox news,
255
256Boy, what’s a palindrome,
257Teacher, racecar,
25810 years later,
259Boy, bursting out of bank in ski mask, where’s the palindrome,
260Getaway driver, sitting in kayak,
261
262Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful,
263I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend,
264
265Anabelle,
266I keep having this weird dream where a giant, disembodied hand keeps poking me with a stylus,
267
268Me when i can’t hear someone,
269Tell them i can’t hear them,
270Move closer so i can hear,
271Repeatedly shout what,
272Laugh and hope it wasn’t a question,
273
274Some of y’all were raised by parents who were abusive, homophobic, racist, and crooked, 
275But, you were empathetic, paid attention, figured it out, broke the cycle, cultivated goodness in your lives and it shows,
276
277Hey i like your personality,
278Thanks, it’s a disorder,
279
280Facebook is more detrimental to mental health than video games,
28140 year old facebook moms,
282
283My brain whenever i find a new thing to fantasize about,
284I’ve obtained happiness,
285Short lived obsession,
286
287He dragged the fucking sprinkler in through the doggy door,
288
289Hey what’s your fave song,
290Baby by justin bieber,
291Ewww that’s so old,
292So is your mom but you still listen to her,
293Shutting down,
294
295Hello,
296Hi,
297
298Supercalifraglisticexistentialcrisis,
299
300Current mood, listening to summertime sadness while standing in the rain and sobbing while my drenched hair covers my face and the raindrops stream down my face,
301
302As a german kid i used to wonder why our radio stations like to play the american national anthem so much until a friend explained to me that country roads take me home is not in fact you guys’ national hymn,
303
304How i’m supposed to sit,
305How i actually sit,
306
307Why aren’t the dishes in alphabetical order,
308What the fuck does that even mean,
309
310Graphic design is my passion,
311I emailed this to my graphics art teacher before he quit and sometimes i ponder if this is the reason why he did,
312
313If you wake up much earlier than normal you feel secret emotions,
314One time i just woke up at 7 am and stared at the sunrise for like an hour,
315Don’t know what emotions those were but they sure were a lot,
316If you stay up late enough, you feel those same emotions, but the bad version of them,
317
318When a stupid slut asks if there’s going to be a swimming pool,
319There’s not going to be a swimming pool, you stupid slut,
320
321Male mice fed yogurt were shown to have 10 times fur density luster, larger testicles, and more swagger,
322Mmm we will eat chobani today lads,
323Is there a quantifiable method of measuring mouse swag,
324Bro if you saw these mouses you’d know,
325
326Sometimes i’m tired of being nice, one day your femur will be mine,
327Wrong blog wrong blog,
328Guys stop reblogging this,
329
330Kechp,
331
332Ebay,
333Even though the date on the photo literally dates it to two months ago, this gives off strong feelings of being in the nineties,
334
335Pizza hut restaurants in china stopped offering one trip salad bars, due to customer’s creating elaborately engineered salad towers carefully balanced on one plate,
336This post would really benefit from the addition of a picture,
337
338Hi, i’m frugal freddie,
339Come on down and buy your brand new queen size bed right here at nothing really mattress,
340Anyone can sleep,
341Hey op what the,
342
343This is the most pure and under appreciated photo ever,
344Freddie nervously eyes miko and delilah, 19 89, like any cat owner knows they will descend on his meal the moment he takes his eyes off them,
345
346Character flaws are fucking important,
347Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they’re gogurt tubes,
348You what,
349
350Did humans invent math or did we discover it,
351Does math even exist,
352I already regret making this post because smart people keep messaging me trying to explain math and it’s making me nauseous,
353
354Out of the way everyone, america’s sweetheart is coming through,
355And taylor swift is with me,
356Ellen always makes me laugh,
357
358I always imagined kiwi birds as the size of kiwi fruit and i was so wrong,
359Wait how big are they then,
360Closer to pumpkins,
361
362In a constant state of how dare you assume i know what i’m doing, but also don’t you dare question me or what i’m doing,
363I have no idea what i’m doing and you can’t stop me,
364Artists and writers have so much to say about this post,
365
366Warning, cutie on the loose,
367Last seen, browsing tumbler,
368Probably, reading this post right now,
369Description, it’s you, you’re the cutie, place yourself under arrest immediately,
370You’ll never take me alive, fucker,
371
372Japan’s population is in rapid decline,
373Also japan,
374Could you introduce your wife to us,
375
376Imagine being planted,
377This post was made by feral sunflower gang,
378I know next to nothing about botany but the phrase feral sunflower is hilarious to me,
379
380Reduced,
381A chunky boy reduced,
382
383Everyone who reblogged this post with an owo or uwu is under arrest for crimes against humanity,
384Cwimes against huwumanity,
385I am going to break your fingers,
386This mowortal vessel is owonly a shell of the howwors within,
387
388My hands look like this, so her hands can look like that,
389Work harder,
390Damn she need a fill in,
391Why she only got four fingers,
392
393Allow me to explain the anatomy of a cat’s paw,
394Smush beans, piddle paws, liddle piddles, smoosh bean piddly doos,
395Fluff stuff pink piddle chubber bubbles,
396As a biologist i can attest for the accuracy of this,
397
398Why have you, done this, centuries of preparation, so much good, undone,
399It’s just business,
400I don’t like you,
401Yes man needs you out of the way,
402Something about this makes me lose my mind everytime i play the game,
403This game is so good,
404
405He sing,
406Aaaaaaa,
407
408Is fortnite actually overrated,
409Plato, aristotle, and socrates,
410
411Me getting some irish dick, oh please don’t stop,
412Him, aye ya loike that do ya, wud ya loike if ah went harder, wud ya loike that ya little sloot,
413Me, uh, yeah,
414Him, what was that,
415Me, uh, aye,
416Him,
417Nute,
418I actually want to kill myself,
419
420A sinkhole roughly the size of six to seven washing machines has closed the northbound lanes of state line road near one hundredth street in kansas city missouri,
421Americans will measure with anything but the metric system,
422
423September first, 19 39 colorized, hitler playing his first video games that caused him to be violent and start world war 2,
424I bet it was mein kraft,
425
426Me looking for my house in minecraft because i lost it,
427
428Yo let’s stop the drama instead let’s laugh at this picture of phineas looking straight forward,
429
430How many potatoes does it take to kill a million irish from 18 45 to 18 49,
431How many,
432Non, carl, none,
433
434Nigga ate a booty flake,
435
436Why does this lizard look like he’s about to make me an offer i can’t refuse,
437
438What happens when you freeze the ocean, pouring liquid nitrogen in the ocean to stop global warming,
439Yeah, this is big brain time,
440
441So what i’m hearing is you’re unemployed,
442I was eating a mango and the pit was so hairy so i gave it a haircut, shampooed and conditioned it, and blow dried it,
443
444Whenever i feel like i’m an idiot i remember that peter parker tried to shoot a web at a water monster and i feel a bit better because not only am i an idiot, so is peter parker and he turned out pretty great,
445
446I hate how on tumbler, a username like lisa 4 8 6 is almost certainly a pornblot, while someone named solid snake ass cheeks is almost certainly a real person,
447I could be a porn bot if i wanted to,
448
449Pepper, pay attention to me,
450I guess she forget to take him on a walk today,
451If anyone needs me i’ll just be over here laughing for the next ten years,
452
453I want to open a book store that is 24 hours and people can finally go out at like 2 a m and be like, i just finished the first book in the series i need the next one stat,
454Or if people are just having a stressful night and want to be surrounded by books,
455My favorite part about this post is that someone understands that it’s calming to be surrounded by books,
456A book nightclub,
457Read responsibly,
458Someone make this happen please,
459
460I’ve got a friend, actually, she’s not a friend,
461She’s sort of a friend of a friend,
462I’m sure we all have these people,
463You know, you wouldn’t invite her to your house, but you don’t want her to die,
464This sums up my relationship with most people i know,
465
466One of my favorite tropes is when your group of main characters has been split up for questioning and they’re all answering the same questions in a neatly spliced montage,
467My favorite trope is when the stories blatantly and hilariously conflict,
468
469Hmmm, 
470Airpods, the car is coming, airpods look out oh god they can’t hear us, they are airpods,
471
472Hot take, on a scale of nerd versus jock, larping is a more jockish activity then fantasy football,
473Larping, people going outside and being physically active, requires working as a team with people, 
474Fantasy football, poindexters on the computer, playing with stats,
475
476When i was a kid, i asked my dad where babies came from and he said something like, your mom had a stomach ache and she went to the bathroom n then came out with you,
477And i feel like that’s his way of calling me a piece of shit,
478
479I’m sure this has been asked before but would vampires drink period blood, and more importantly would the clumps just be a bonus for them,
480Ever had bubble tea,
481I’m going to hurt all of you i’m going to hit both of you with a heavy rock,
482
483I’m a teenager i wanna be dangerous i wanna do something crazy i wanna go steal a traffic light,
484Rebellion,
485
486At the mall, just passed the microsoft store, 
487There was a life size 3 d cardboard steve, my soul left my body,
488Me waiting for my mother in the checkout aisle,
489
490Man that guy who painted the mona lisa is pretty good,
491Anyone know if he does commissions,
492Bad news guys,
493Lemme guess, that was his only normal piece and the rest is sherlock inflation art,
494
495If you hear weird noises at night make weirder noises to assert dominance,
496This is swamp culture,
497O m f g i grew up in a bog and we did this,
498
499People from states with nice roads may never understand what it’s like hitting a pot hole so hard that your soul leaves your body for a moment and you feel an obligation to audibly apologize to your car,
500That sounded expensive,
501What are you elected officials doing with all of your tax money,
502Embezzling,
503
504The year is 2022, you and your gang shoot down amazon delivery drones and seel their contents for a living,
505Is this a prompt or prophesy,
506Its an instruction,
507
508Of course my house is haunted i live here,
509I keep local property values in check,
510Gentrification my ass,
511Starts throwing chairs around and slamming cabinets closed,
512Poltergeists are activists,
513
514Has slightly stable relationship,
515Brain, ruin it,
516Me, why,
517Brain, you gotta,
518
519Okay so this just hit me,
520Humidifiers fill the air with water molecules from a source of water,
521So what if someone filled a humidifier with holy water, would this essentially cleanse a room of all evil,
522Either demons aren’t real, or demons are afraid because humans keep coming up with 40 dollar solutions to demon problems,
523
524My refrigerator with legs barrels towards me and grabs me and stuffs me into its vegetable drawer then casually walks away,
525Hey is,
526Is your refrigerator running,
527My refrigerator with legs is standing in the middle of your street gripping a rolling pin, are you running,
528
529Mini m and m’s are better than normal ones because they cater to the very specific urge to eat colorful aquarium gravel,
530
531Game theory, 
532Which pokemon could i most easily kill with my bare hands,
533Current first place, mister mime,
534Not because mister mime is particularly weak, but because if i ever saw mister mime in real life i would be filled with the exact power needed to kill a mister mime,
535
536Nunchucks are illegal in some states but guns are not, so if you tie two guns together and create gunchucks it’s neither legal or illegal,
537Schroedinger’s gunchucks,
538Why does Schroedinger have so many things,
539Schroedinger’s hoarding problem,
540
541Me, is bored for point 5 seconds,
542Me, i wanna learn how to work wood, i need to build a boat,
543
544Officially starting a rumor that the dudes from dave and busters are the same as the dudes from barnes and noble, dave barnes and buster noble, why not who fucking cares,
545Dave benjamin barnes and buster jerry noble,
546Dave mike benjamin barnes and buster ike jerry noble,
547
548Fuck you stephen king,
549Stephen king, well, fuck you too, kid,
55019 billion likes,
551There’s not even 19 billion people on the planet,
552Meaning 12 billion people came back from the dead to like that post,
553That’s the kind of power stephen king has,
554Reblogging again for the comment,
555
556Who’s the burger now,
557Handburger,
558
559My grandpa who knows nothing about video games but loves me very much and wants to relate to me,
560Are ya winning,
561
562Doing nothing because you’re depressed,
563Being depressed because you do nothing,
564Me, stupid bitch juice,
565
566There’s big penises and there’s small penises, but the best penis of all,
567Is happenis,
568
569Friend, relax man, the final boss isn’t that strong,
570The final boss,
571
572A man is on trial for cannibalism,
573A man is on trial for cannibalism, he says to the judge,
574Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then i am an innocent man,
575
576Today i was in drivers ed and we had to identify street signs and the teacher said, what’s the this one, and we all looked at each other until one guy says, road work ahead, and we all unanimously muttered, uh, yeah, i sure hope it does,
577
578What if i’m actually really hot and everyone just thinks i’m out of their league,
579Real talk there was this guy in my school and everyone would talk about how hot he was in class but no one thought they were good enough to talk to him so he stayed single all throughout high school,
580This is a possibility,
581
582There has never been a well written character that wears an eye patch,
583Wrong,
584
585I only want one slice,
586Me too, pizza is very fattening,
587Fran, that’s two,
588No honey, not when you eat it like this,
589The body doesn’t know,
590How i deal with food,
591
592Coke with, molly,
593They either didn’t think this through or they really thought this through,
594
595Do you ever just know the answer to a trivia question and have no idea where the knowledge came from,
596Sources,
597Dude trust me,
598
599New yorkers bite 10 times more people than sharks do worldwide, 
600Maybe the real sharks were the new yorkers we bit along the way,
601
602The host at our air b n b has the most talkative cat,
603That is the host,
604
605The above is a violet backed starling,
606He looks like a galaxy,
607He fancy,
608
609Not that wheel jesus,
610The steering wheel,
611This is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen,
612
613The fact that they call it the food pyramid and not food triangle implies that it has at least two other sides, so maybe this much taffy is okay,
614All these years i’ve been looking at the wrong side,
615Dark f d a show me the illegal foods,
616
617See ratings and reviews, rate this model,
618Timmy is an average kid, who no one understands,
619Mom and dad and vicky wonder why he has forks for hands,
620
621I didn’t vaccinate my kids and the one who lived turned out fine,
622I choked,
623
624A husky walks on water in northern russia, the image was taken after heavy rainfall covered the frozen lake,
625The rare phenomenon was captured by the dog’s owner fox grom,
626Picture, fox grom, news dog media,
627Nice try science side of tumbler but this dog is clearly jesus,
628
629Fallopian tube swim team,
630Can someone tell me why the fuck the people in my grandparents old folks community dressed up as sperm for halloween, i feel like i’m having a stroke,
631
632What if he’s your romeo, but you’re not his juliet,
633That means that you’re his rosaline and you survive the friggin play,
634
635If i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fuckin party and you’re all invited,
636If,
637Great, the only party i’ve ever been invited to and he might not even die,
638
639This is, not any less creepy in daylight,
640Me when i wake up late,
641Groot’s cousin that they don’t like to invite to family reunions,
642
643At disneyland on the teacup ride,
644Tony, steve, t’challa, 
645Spinning calmly, enjoy their ride in peace,
646Peter, shuri, and bucky,
647Flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming,
648Someone draw this please,
649
650Sir, look at my pantaloons,
651Sir, you also look at my pantaloons,
652
653Me, my back hurts, i wonder why,
654My sleeping position,
655
656Who’s the blacksmith out there moulding titty armour to every strong female character more accurately than the bra filter at victoria’s secret, 
657Tis i, mandick the titty smithy,
658
659Bedum, tsss,
660
661Showing a game you mastered for many years to someone you care about,
662Okay, now press space to jump,
663Take your time, you got this,
664
665Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get,
666Disappointing my family, trauma, trust issues, suicidal tendencies, crippling fear of inadequacy, self hatred, losing friends, stress, depression, constant exhaustion, debt, failure, anxiety, heartbreak,
667
668Cute girl, brushes against my leg, 
669Red blood cells, on my way woody,
670
671Girls, depression,
672New hair color,
673
674Japan soars to it’s highest temperature ever recorded, 106 degrees,
675Doubt,
676
677Girls, he’s gotta be over 6 8, look like zac efron, and own a ferrari,
678Guys, i prefer if she wasn’t morbidly fat,
679Girls,
680Shut up, hitler,
681
682I’m really tired and was trying to find a picture of a horse with a cat head and i found this fucking painting,
683Look at it,
684Art,
685
686Me as the sole survivor of the apocalypse commenting last on every youtube video,
687One day you get an alert that someone liked your comment,
688It was me, on a separate account,
689
690Wheel of fortune,
691Puzzle, h e o,
692Category, greeting,
693Contestant, spins,
694Wheel, 5000 dollars,
695Contestant, l,
696Pat, no l,
697This is a horror novel,
698
699Too much water on this planet,
700What’re you gonna do about it,
701
702How the hell did thanos snap with a metal glove on,
703He just did the motion and made the noise by clapping his ass at the same time,
704Mario’s weiner just got a little bit harder,
705
706The u s is unreal like girls can’t wear shorts to school, you can literally lose your job for being gay, and unarmed black children are brutally murdered on the regular but old white people are still like, what a beautiful country, i can freely carry a gun for no reason and some of our mountains look like presidents, god bless,
707
708Ha ha i only got four hours of sleep last night,
709I only got one,
710The pride and superiority you feel from having an unhealthier lifestyle than others is a short term gratification that will lead to long term detriments,
711
712Name a more iconic duo,
713Durex, extra small,
714
715Stop sucking on satans u s b stick in this good christian bathroom,
716Juul isn’t cool, 
717Christian moms against vaping,
718
719Nudes are so 2017, send me a photo of yourself in full plate armor wielding battle ready weapons,
720Send sword pics,
721
722Bats fact 58,
723Bats know every swear word,
724
725Taps bong with lighter, i’d like to make a toast,
726
727When you’re trying to persuade someone you’re not a loser and you have some friends,
728This is a friend of mine, tree,
729
730Hmmm,
731
732Was clint black, was barry white, was george straight, was marvin gay,
733Sure makes stevie wonder,
734
735Girl, i feel insecure about my body, some fucking dude, i would fuck you, shouldn’t that be enough, 
736Have a great day,
737
738Shark demon,
739
740Please urinate with precision and elegance,
741This is my favorite motival poster,
742
743Dunkin donuts,
744It’s 2019 we showing hole,
745
746Have you ever wondered what a spider wearing 8 tiny little flip flops running across a table would sound like,
747Probably sounds like my parents on a sunday night,
748I screamed,
749
750Starfish have mouths in the middle of their bodies,
751Yeah so what,
752Mermaids use them as bras,
753
754So basically this is what elephants look like when they’re wet, they just been ashy the whole time,
755
756If you flush drugs down the toilet, you could be creating meth gators, cops say,
757
758Ariel,
759Ariel black,
760
761You go to your boyfriends house and find this is his bed, 
762W y d,
763Marry him, it’s shreksy time,
764
765Tech support explaining to my grandma that her toaster doesn’t have a virus,
766
767Under communism we all have to share one toothbrush with this man,
768
769Getting ready for bed,
770
771Let me guess, your home,
772It is,
773Not for long,
774
775Oh you think love isn’t real huh, you think its just chemicals in your brain and a social construct, huh, then explain this,
776
777Love, 
778Two planes having kiss,
779
780Me, writing, throwing commas around like i’ve just own the lottery and i’m exulting in my winnings, needlessly, passionately, with no thought to the consequences, 
781It’s all about the dramatic pauses,
782
78350 percent, 
784Whoa we’re halfway there,
785What,
7861 percent,
787Whoa livin on a prayer,
788Oh,
789
790Family evening,
791
792Shrek 12
793My economics textbook sees a bright future ahead,
794
7954 year old shares cocaine at day care,
796What a good friend,
797
798So i came home from school to see my seven year old sister putting skittles with my antidepressants, i went up to her and asked, hey what are you doing,
799She looked at me, smiled and said, skittles make me happy so i put them with your medicine that makes you happy so you can be extra happy, that was the cutest thing i’ve ever heard,
800
801I’m sick of being a person, i’m gonna go into the woods and lay down in the dirt and become a geological feature, and none of you are powerful enough to stop me,
802
803Yoink is the opposite of yeet,
804But it’s just as fast,
805The lord yeeteth and the lord yoinketh away,
806
807None of that matters, but it’s important to me that you know that,
808When you describe details about your characters that you will literally ever use again in your story,
809
810Man tells police he stole food truck because he’s a dumbass,
811Vibes,
812
813The hummbucker electric kazoo, a screeching kazoo that plugs into an amplifier,
814This is proof god exists and loves us,
815
816Pineapples, except pronounced like minneapolis,
817No,
818
819Ellen realizes the animal is a tiger,
820Ellen reacts,
821Is ellen gonna fuck the tiger,
822
823I, will, leave,
824I would take a bullet for you hugh neutron,
825
826No one, 
827Minecraft redstone youtubers, it’s quite simple, really,
828
829If cats knew what sin was they wouldn’t even care,
830
831Take me to your leader is the alien version of i’d like to speak to the manager,
832
833Lemme tell ya somethin, new york is da greatest fuckin city in da world, my city,
834I was a kid in dese streets, i stahted in da fucking gutta, and i made it to da top,
835A n y c rat wrote this,