1KrK2Ruk

1i do not give a shit of the official WHOTUS stance, i refuse to hear it, i will never forgive the turkey, i will not bow to that filthy bird
2some one explain please to me why the letter board at my local arbys has said "happy hour" for months now, before i get the police involved
3ive been known to look at 2, even 3 emails , at the same damn time
4reality tv show where we replace one lucky boy's pc gaming chair with a fully functioning toilet. every episode
5everyone loves it when i go to their parties and mix all the whips together (cool wip, reddi wip, miracle whip etc) like a fucking shit head
6surprised that nobody here had ever used the phrase "pissed on execution style" unttil i described my poor customer experience at hhgregg
7if you ask me this election could end about 100 different ways: 1) trump gets 0% of the vote 2) trump gets 1% of the vote 3) trump gets 2% o
8the worst part of having an ass is always, having to wipe the damn thing. the best part of having an ass is shitting. #ElectionFinalThoughts
9it is so beautiful to me, to have my ass lovingly wiped by my girl friend, knowing nothing is more pure than this bond, Nothing more strong,
10here are this year's Vote Multiplers for election day. no, they do not stack policeman - 10x army man -12x verified acct - 15x Asexual - 18x
11blue jean's... Activated .
12accosted by several of my followers last night.. would nnot fuck off, awful, screeching voices..overpowering urine smell. Terrible. Terrible
13in base ball theres only points and players. i will be Shut Down for typing this.
14FETID BOZO: Ahhh oil spills are bad WISE ADULT: the sun will evaporate the oil, & the wheel of mother gaia spins goodly, As does all things,
15how do i add " GUNS " to my posts ........
16ironing my suspender straps and treating them with powders... in the privacy of my study...making the nit wits and losers absoltuley furious
17i got lock jaw from eating pasta out of a dogbowl and my wife will be here in 2 hours to marry me. help me github
18handing print outs of my most beloved arliss (arli$$) quotes to trick or treaters
19(playing russian roullette and its my turn) hasta the vista mother fucker (shoots the other guy
20i think that in 2013 digimon otis was seirously convinced that they were going to change the name of gamestop to gameMosque
21when somone posts a vile piece of home decor in the group dm but you have to bite your lip because youre on the lowest sub-tier...
22when you click on the tweet and it says "Whoops! Something went wrong" thats how you know its good
23i believe that while i was Resting, Aeris_Nader, the snake that he is, dropped a pinch of baking soda into my ass crack and poisoned me
24im an adult, and i deserve to listen to the verison of the super bowl shuffle where thw word "Ass" is not censored by the referee `s whistle
25" []D [] []\/[] []D " <<<< thats how you type the word pinp
26thank you normand
27people do not appreciate the grace and dexterity that is required to shave the fat pink rolls on the back of my head that looj like hotdogs
28unfollow , unsubscribe, block and mute all Gambler's
29it is tragic that my followers refuise to obey my direct orders , and that i am often told to get "Ass-Fucked" when i ask for pieces of food
30if you turn the patterns on their shirts 90 degrees... the trusted REFEREE becomes the despicable PRISONER.... truly life is a fragile Bitch
31you gotta check out my posts
32is wiki leaks hacking twitter agian or are the people leaving numb skull comments on my page actual human beings
33palm thrust my entire head through the fucking wall and kick my big ass while im trapped like a stuck hog
34BOSS: i need you to go around to all the other employees and collect their piss in this thermos ME: Yes Sir! I will not fail you, your honor
35there is NOTHING wrong with having 1 Million Doallrs you are NOT defined by your one million dollars... having 1 Million Dollars is normal
36IVE ALWAYS SAID IT !! the people we see of today are somewhat more known to care more of their Face Book Status, than their Brain Status .
37A tag has been placed on Utz Quality Foods, Inc. requesting that it be speedily deleted from Wikipedia.
38i accept that all the things i post "For Fun" are to be met with physical violence, including elbows to the face, shattered knee caps, etc,
39i do not find it unreasonable , during my scheduled Cleaning, to ask my dentist to wash my dick as well, since my dick is basically a tooth,
40ive never met any of them, but i know that there are guys out there who name their dogs shit like "Rover " and "Fido"
41BREATHTAKING: clever husband sells all of his sons war medals on ebay as punishment for exceeding family plan data caps
42Im the guy who exclusively wipes his ass with the disposable seat covers
43my followers love to Drool & Shit like a bunch of dirty daugs; and they would see me damned to Hell if i cut off their precious content flow
44"theyre called millennials because thier souls are 1000 years old...." - truthGamer
45i can not catch a break folks. my 78 yr old son has been pissing into the boiler some how and making our home smell like a reptile enclosure
46fucking a stack of emoji t-shirts at target or kmart or wherever the hell
47post "I love the mcdonalds Five for Five plan" if you support Don. post "Mcdonalds five for five is Bumpin" if you support Hillary J Clinton
48check out the new "Five For Five" offer at mc donalds... thats Five soda's for five bucks "Or your money back"
49for every bra yo u dont wear i will wear 3 Bras #NoBraDay
50"DISRESPECTFUL !! DISRESPECTFUL !!" the crowds shriek, upon learning that the scene of bat man wiping his ass & sucking his own dick is Cut,
51(wearing one of those fucking stupid hats with the word "Press" on it) mr president! do you think DC Films should show bat man taking a shit
52COMPUTER ... SHOW ME MORE " KEN BONE " SHIT
53"Ive been studying to become a Pharmacist" Thats good. Im living in one of those crane game enclosures now. Sometimes the claw jacks me off,
54told to "Sit my ass down" after wasting my one question at the town hall meeting by asking if the secret service agents get to see them nude
55waushington running amok... #JustMyThoughtsOfIt
56(everyone in dm notices ive been trying to type something for 10min straight) sorry all. iwas just writing down a girls phone number in here
57were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,
58Thoroughly Unimpressed.
59i feel, as I, over time, become even more of a Dumb Ass, i am able to consume web-based content and Media at increasingly Blistering speeds,
60getting fucked up new reports that both of the vp candidates were washed and scrubbed in the same big bathtub, minutes before the debate
615000 Year Old Turds Found In Ancient Diaper Revealed By Scientists To Belong To Man With Small Penis, Shapely Hips
62i am a natural showman. i love to show off my natural's
63i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
64(genuflects as two golden lights come forth from behind me, taking the form of majestic angel wings) i would never hold a seleb at gun point
65meat loaf just ordered the venue to keep the lights on the audience so he can see if any trolls have infiltrated his show
66too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now
67the famous time-tested classic, the philly cheesesteak, has become Sexualized by greed
68it is sio, so easy to Mindhack the government and get permission to dig holes in your yard
69mind of a lion.. heart of a Pregnant woman
70pushing one of those home depot mobile staircases onto its side., getting that shit wedged between the aisles, because they dont sell Geodes
71sickening
72COP: found the culprits blog..another 1 of them Incels DETECTIVE: the only "Cell" he'll be "In" is a cold lunchbox next too mammas meatballs
73ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine" shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck up ME: Yes sir
74the weak shall wither and die...(JACKS IN TO TREELOOT .COM CIRCA 1999 VIA THE INTERNET ARCHIVES AND CLICKS ON THE FUCKING TREE 100000 TIMES)
75vineger contains so much energy.. thats why moms call it, "Free Money"
76damn. some one told me the first day of autumn was a solstice so i didnt jack off during it. now my sinuses are all fucked up due to T level
77yea i torched the dennys. and i woudlve gotten away with it, if i werent the only guy in town with a custom jersey that says "My Wife" on it
78when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self
79whos been leaking my dm box .
80you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though
81these are the same steroids that cops use... and you can now order them online for the very first time
82the ass ratings are in.. my ass needs to be given the old " HEAVE-HO " on the fast track otu of here and thats the facts jack. Boo to my ass
83using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,
84LET US SPEAK NOT OF THE YOGI BEAR , WHOSE MANNEURISMS, GAIT, AND DEMEANOR , RESEMBLE THOSE OF THE DISREPUTABLE JEWEL MERCHANT "BLOOD DANCER"
85reseurch
86did they get it off line yet. did they take off the pic of tweetie bird with a humans ass
87holding up hte line at Aldi with a barricade of shopping carts, desparately trying to contact the ex-wife to ask if im allowed to eat Pectin
88me and the boys have decided that the least gay way of wiping your ass is to dump a quarter bottle of Palmolive Spring Sensations back there
89the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site
90the entire contents of the kfc smokehouse angus chicken snacker slide out and fall directly into my shirt. "IM FUCKED" i yell out
91(spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good
92(takes off VR goggles after howling in fetal position for 3hrs while guys in varsity jackets slap the teeth out of my mouth) wow its so good
93who does this guy think he is.
94(insufferably) It's pronounced. "Bloomin Onion." The 'g' is silent.
95angel-voiced 5'2" man forbidden by mayor from performing at this years christmas pageant— "described as upsetting" "this tradition must end"
96if your tweet doesnt grab my attention in the first 9 or 10 characters it can just fuck off
97ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*
98never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud.
99the fool tries to make one million dollars.... but the wise man knows that its much easier to make $0.000001 dollars one trillion times
100bet yoyu think youd never find a mother fucker like me at a primarily Black church. but i like to go,.. just to Smile.. bask in the Energy..
101" snorting a line of coke up my big ass "
102boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!
103(me dming) i am merely a vessel through which the posts flow. i accept no rewards.. for i have no name, and no face. Do u like wearing bras,
104feel as thoguh our nation, our world, is closer than ever, to Christ, with KFC's recent announcement that they are to turn birds into wine.,
105it may seem that cops are all fucking dumb, bad at IQ tests, etc, but they only pretend to be, to lull crooks into a false sense of security
106friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,
107looks like a "whos Who' of my dreadful follower list
108all good boys keep a jar of sulfuric acid at their station to punish themselves for sending horny dms or goig offbrand.. just a drop will do
109KFC is making BIRDS and LUNCH 10954 patrons $545060 a month
110(to guy who is filming video of me on his phone while i am siphoning fountain soda through a horrible device) fuck yoyu stop taking pictures
111im so sorry you had to go through that.... i apologize on behalf of all guys who dump huge bags of turds and piss off of overpasses
112new mcdonalds-flavored burger king sandiwch given the coveted score of "Eight" by food experts
113frowning while the entire waitstaff of California pizza kitchen sings "happy birthday" to me, looking like a lump of shit in a neckbrace
114kelly bluebook is my gf
115i would simply much like to know where i can purchase a nice cloth to place my miniature guitars upon. please do not send me the frog pic.
116shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right
117u got 1 side saying dogs have paws & the other side saying dogs have hooves..then me, the guy who cuts thru the BS, saying they have Niether
118Q: Would you describe your Brand as more "Uday" or "Qusay" hussein? A: Qusay, without a doubt. Qusay.
119
120heyyour trays dont fit in the fuckin trash cans. i am a CFO in real life and an oversight like this would cost me my Nuts .
121when you're sitting on the toilet theres a tiny opening between the seat and your dick/nut area. this is known as "The Daredevil's Spittoon"
122ok which one of the trolls told some company in Singapore that im interested in bulk purchases of cheap laminate flooring. i demand answers.
123i maintain that curly is by far the most malignant stooge. without his toxic influence, moe & larry couldve ascended to unfathomable heights
124Fine. I'll shut the fuck up now.
125one of the things you realize when becoming a genius in many aspects of life is that the world wide web. and the computer, is the same thing
126jusut dropped 8000000 HKD on a usb-interfaced sniper rifle that blocks one of my insolent followers at random every time i pull the trigger
127please check out my devastating one-man takedown of the thanksgiving day parade, which was given a PG rating by the MPAA due to " sarcasm".
128hello 911. the toilet seat ripped my loin cloth off again
129am i correct in assuming that everyone is happy about prisons not being private anymore because now we get to see the inmates dick and asses
130a man from botswana is threatening to ddos a picture of my ass if i do not post a list of my favorite pasta shapes by 6am. i will not relent
1311st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard
132does anyone else remember when the owner offorgot to switch to his personal acct before -ing pictures of his turds to a doctor
133in 2017 i will make a concerted effort to become a ringling brother.
134this is the Essence
13519:00 hours. im whereing a condom right now. temperature: 74°F. air pressure:1012hPa. just had a phenomenal potato salad. Wind Direction: NE
136im afraid you do not grasp the enormity of who it is you are dealing with. (removes diaper,. revealing two sub-diapers ) Shall we continue..
137WAITER..ive made it quite clear U are not to speak to me until im ready to select the Spice Level of my braised quail dumplings..now BEGONNE
138#MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES "
139hm? U want me to stop posting about the latest deals at Boscovs? well i wish bugs would stop biting my dick..but " PAL IT AINT HAPPENEN' ! "
140boys night
141(in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch
142i will respect the wishes of th e mayor and the townsfolk by not fucking the pumpkin patch and ruining the harvest, only if i am given $100.
143a good commercial idea would be a cop who pulls a guy over ansd steals the out back steak house gift card from his wallet while checking id
144Thw common law wife is giving me "Side Eye", for accidentally eating some of the poison they left out for the stray dogs in karachi
145it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud
146sick of guys like jared and storm roof getting themselves beat up in prison just so they can snag a trending topic on twitter
147they are going to build a moscque on the wtc. #SelfieForSeb
148thinking of life's i could have led in other worlds.....
149ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were made COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this
150"if theres a spicy brown mustard, why not a spicy brown ketchup?" The wise man smiled. "my friend, the condiment you seek is Barbecue Sauce"
151becoming a cop so I can access the police computer and scrutinize the Walmart receipts of my rivals digimon Otis and warez_lad
152scrolling through the timeline, not comprehending a single thing, but smiling and nodding slightly when i see the word "Favs" or "Retweet"
153let's all be my wife
154#NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...
155the james bond 007 ez board will not let me change my user handle to WHITE_LIFTER, even though it contains no swears. i am in crisis mode
156YES...i have the healthiest Gum Line as verified by the Department of Records NO...i will not chew food for you NO...you may NOT kick my ass
157for every year that He is not featured in Forbes Magazine as the worlds richest man... GOD will sink one of our battle ships
158i do enjoy spending my weekends "Joining the Army". oh how i hate when monday rolls around & i must say goodbye to all of my soldier friends
159incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"
160ME: Are these Vine Ripe WAITER: Yes ME: Is this Farm Fresh WAITER: Yes ME: Are these "MAde To Order" WAITER: No ME: I will notify the police
161somebody please Bribe me
162I do oft in times flush my waste as soon as possible. I have no desire to look at it. I would rather be reading expensive novels to my wife.
163so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement
164just as Christ washed the feet of his disciples , i proudly volunteer to allow my girl followers to use my shirt as a napkin,.
165horny does'nt exist
166everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume
167i cannot condone taking my previous tweet and using it to say that the "ass wiping hack" is me. i regret putting myself in such severe peril
168im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that i commonly use the abbreviation AWH and get mad when people ask what it stands for
169boycot
170(sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this
171Cowardice: A Tale In Four Parts
172Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig"
173- Incest Prank Goes Wrong - Why Thousands Of Geniuses Are Ditching Their Aquariums - Can Plants Make You Smarter? - Moms Can Get Tattoos Now
174my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
175how about we worry about human rights ... after we've fixed all the human wrongs ? #AnHonestMansSay
176me N' the boys eating messy sandiwches, sneaking around with big binoculars looking for girls & letting every one know who runs this TJ maxx
177what this site needs is the apollo theater "Sand Man" to push all the " MORONS " off stage. I will take this down if it is considered Racial
178I Am Not Afraid To Shut Off My $300 Asus Monitor From "New Egg .com" Off If The Intelligence Of This Site Reaches To The Level Of Stupitity.
179i would love to brutally kick the ass off of anyone who tries to be nice to me or be my friend on here
180ME: Im far more excited to see what the "Cloud" has to offer, than what the "Clown" has to offer. MY NEMESIS: How dare you tell the truth.
181"we live in an exciting age because you can just go get downloads of anything. almost every day there is new downloads to get." - OwedSex96
182i truly hate winning the infamous "Darwin Award" by getting bombarded with artillery fire in the Super K-Mart parking lot
183girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain" but they do not care of, "Man's Pain"
184wailing at th e blooper reel, saying all the things hte actors are doing wrong out loud, punching the shit out of an usher, pop corn flying,
185ive beenn using Confidence and Self Esteem lately, to get unprecedented deals on discarded promotional displays at game stop
186ive hired 3 of my clumsiest dumb ass followers to spy on my wife and uncover her plots against me, just the worst bumbling fucking imbeciles
187(sees a cop shoot somone) This is just like james bond (sees a war happen) This is like robo cop (sees a burning house) This is like top gun
188my agent says if i get my balls neutered off ill be able to calm down & improve my posts. but i keep telling him, my posts wil never be good
189no more belly Vids
190some times, it would seem to me, that some of the people who use "smart phones", are ANY THING BUT !!! #OhButUGottaLaugh
191folks keep asking, me, what are Q-TIps for. if theyre not for ears. well the answer is simple. theyre for wiping certain areas of your dick,
192sick of bieng fucking shrieked at in DMs just because im one of the few left who thinks girls should not breastfeed while operating aircraft
193tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move
194my name is "Pruce" now. tell every one you know that my name is now pruce
195(responding to a troll after increasing my intelligence to Max Level with a carefully optimized content stream) I suppose u think youre God,
196you threaten to go to the bathroom on me? i do not think you have the gall to go to the bathroom on me
197hopping on some tech support forums to accuse people with minor hardware issues of being Mad
198beginning to despise my friends and loved ones for pushing valuable branded content off of my feed as I struggle to comprehend this world
199people are still apparently very upset with me for cancelling "the thursday nite rant" feature... let it go folks..
200million dollar idea: Dog door that is big enough for humans Billion dollar idea: Dog door that says "Hello" when something passes through it
201Waiter! Oh Waiter! Yes, I`d like to know if I have earned any CashBack Reward`sâ„¢ with the purchase of my farm fresh miniature cucumber plate
202a booklet labeled "Mra Shit" falls out of my pocket during my daily buffallo wild wings j/o, sealing my fate and costing me the Yoplait deal
203helping the police by yanking the doors off all the public bathroom stalls
204trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...
205i will never "honk if im horny" .
206just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT
207I insist that Moe is the 1st Stooge, Larry the 2nd Stooge, and Curly is the 3rd Stooge. Some will say the order isnt important. Theyre wrong
208wife sentenced to 4yrs for defrauding a charitable organization..U know what that means (pulls worst gaming consoles to exist out of closet)
209i stopped watching all the tv shows my followers think are bad, unfollowed all the Goof accounts, and yet twitter still sends thugs after me
210"History will show that Brexit was the correct choice, for the future of Great Britain. I also do not believe in sex." - The_Brexit_Asexual
211i refuse to consume any product that has been created by, or is claimed to have been created by, the (((Keebler Elves)))
212indoor plumbing is a ludicrous fantasy
213going to start asking "What do you Think?" at the end of each post, to help stimulate discourse and reap the substantial benefits of Social.
214someitmes it seems to me that some people woulr rather join KKK, than join mensa....
215awfully bold of you to retweet my "bad year" tweet on a year that has been extremely good thus far
216Just got word that thheyre going to do jade helm 15 again, to punish us for letting the celebs run amok. It 's fucked up but we deserve it.
217going to start deleting posts, due to harassment. as in, i want more of it. hbring it on egg heads
218Rather tiresome that people wiould rather Threadshit my mentions than say, enjoy a whimsical boating tour through the fair canals of Venice.
219polease cut all art programs so we can instead focus on teaching our children the importance of being Respectful towards influencers
220amazing to me that people are still complaining about my genius sons being too loud, in 2016, of all years
2211) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing 2) i will not hear any more questions or comments unless they pertain to MetroPCS, or Pepsi.
222- Always retweet promoted tweets. - Always surreneder your username and password to Girls - Always Wait 1hr before replying a Verified Acct.
223Your "I Love TD Bank" Car Decal Fucking Sucks
224STOP THE POST STREAM. PULL THE PLUG ON IT. END THIS MADNESS. GET THESE DAMN POSTS OFF MY TIME LINR "LOUSY!!" "WE DON'T WANT EM!!"
225i posted on here earlier about how ihad a leather belt wrapped around my nuts and not a single person asked if i was ok. Fuck you
226worst food of 2016 : Bread Where to begin. Bread is a piece of shit and its no wonder its commonly associated with the worst drink, "Water".
227CONTEMPTUOUS NIGHTMARE: (blowing farts w/ mouth) ME: Sir! I demand your opinion regarding Organized Gender's influence on corn prices. SIR!!
228BLATHERING SHITE: the Dems VP Pick should be subway;s own Jared ME: That man is in jail. Have you done any research prior to this discussion
229in the planning stages, for a new feature of my account which i have tentatively titled " The Three Posts. " more info coming soon of this.
230-go about my day seeking energy in my life as a Bieng of intelligence -if your sperm count is complete dog shit, i will not even talk to you
231folks.. reply to this message with your Finest tweet, and i just might drop it a Like... my way of "Giving back" to the community... Thank u
232Cant wait to catch all the exclusive trailers and live events at #GamerGate in Los Angeles this week. Looks to be the best gamer gate yet
233ouh yes!! THe boys have spoken, and they want more! More jokes about the ape! My one man show , entitled "Not-So-Great Ape" will explore th
234handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!
235to everyone who thinksn im some sort of dip shit regarding video of me eating a pocket pussy, please rest assured i hated every moment of it
236unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"
237t o the guy who told me they took the ape to the hospital and cured him, Fuck You.
238A MERE Musing From A Troubled Husband, Strengthened Through Time: "Let the birds have their bird seed, and unto us boys, the Beer seed"
239was a tad dismayed to find a Rat Brain in my favorite KFC Snacker Meal, B ut the friendly cashier assured me it was merely Intestinal Matter
240the other day a trolling Shit sent me the message, "Googoo Gaagaa ". Twitter has indeed threatened to close my account if i dont retweet him
241For your Friday Enjoyment; A "Shit List" of folks I've banned from my Radio Shack: Monica Louinsky, The Honey Boo Boo, Octo Mom, & "Snooki".
242I TELL YA IT NEVER FAILS !! WENT TO GET MY MAIL AND A HIPSTER HIT ME WITH THE STRONGEST STREAM OF URINE I EVER SAW ! KNOCKED ME ON MY DUFF !
243examining the Ape Case: perhaps many are mirthful of its death as apes are akin to Golems & Vampires, cinematic villains of the classic era,
244INTERVIEWER: we looked you up. you dont even have a twitter account, which is good ME: Actually i was suspended for posting "Gumby shit ass"
245im the guy who gets really upset about people not putting their real names on here. im also mad at State Farm Insurance for not being a farm
246stunning: mindful adult , decked out in complete set of riot gear - takes out entire stampede of horses using wisdom and tactic's
247my entire face turns purple as i try to enjoy my cup of monday coffee while all my coworkers rush into my office to watch me fail once again
248oh u think this is funny mother fucker?(Kills ape) YOu consider this comedy? (kills naother ape) and my Missing Plane jokes are bad? Yeah ok
249back in the dog house after the wife caught me photo shopping her into vintage car ads
250
251kneading my dick and nuts like a wad of dough on a bench at pay less shoe store. i do not appear to be enjoying myself. im frowning actually
252i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc
253"ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.
254Coward-Centric Platform twitter, removing user handles from character limit, giving the repliers more ammunition with which to shit on me,
255Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's
2561989: the fall of the berlin wall is celebrated, historically revered 2016: i tear down the sneeze guard at old country buffet and get Booed
257
258the girls on this site constantly beg me to show them a picture of the clothes i wear while posting. this is them.
259just doing some nude sunbathing in this gender neutral target restroom. i hope i dont get my dick sucked
260You need at least $100 to join Boys Lunch Club. I will count all of the money in your wallet, so do not try to join if you do not have $100.
261Just met w/ Boys Lunch Club. Seems to me, That we are very pissed off that teen girls would rather kiss, "Soldier Boy," than Actual Soldiers
262online is where i go to get my A B C's... Abused By Cretins
263checked my inbox for 2 seconds & immediately saw a genital. could not parse which type of genital it was before tossing my phone out the car
264Removing the battery from my phone until the time line becomes less toxic.
265can anyone tell me if this is good or not. if this sort of thing is frowned upon i will stop immediately
266presented with out comment .
267Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts
268i do not delete my posts. deleting my posts would be akin to razing Abraham Lincolns famous log cabin, just because the trolls are mad at it
269theres no space in the title you shit mouthts. it's one word, it's always been one word, it will forever be "Topgun." i will not delete this
270ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out
271peppercorn ranch & buttermilk ranch... one of these is good, the other is completely Fucked, and its not my responsibility to tell you which
272i wont say more of this. but a couple of the big accounts on here have been souporting swearing culture, by posting swears to the time line.
273eating a single Dorito on a bed of Jasmine Rice
274my greatest sin is that I've utterly betrayed my "NO FEAR" tower decal by being embarrassingly frightened of birds and butter flies
275youre all a Dog of the Coward's order. ill take you across my knee and slap yopur Ass., i will "GIVE UM HELL" as ordred by the great general
276images leaked of WildArmsGarret , trusted consigliere of DigimonOtis, taking a bath in one of those old fashioned metal wash tubs
277(steps out onto the podium for the annual delivery of his Most Hated "State of the Arbys" address) the state of the Arby's... is strong...
278my being a shit head can be traced back to boys school, when i was expelled for using the headmaster's computer to search ebay for " LUNCH "
279will not be making any new posts until the 5G Network has been officially rolled out. 4g doesn't cut it anymore. fail to see the point .
280(sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby
281ST PETER: on march 14 2024 you posted simply the words "james earl bond". hope the 34 favs were worth it idiot ME: They were bitch
282spending my entire police shift downloading apps where you smear simulated dog shit all ovefr the screen and becoming completely a dumb ass
283id like a few words with this prick
284PRIEST: in the name of the father... ME: Yes. Good PRIEST: ...the son.. ME: Great. Go on. keep em comin PRIEST: ..and the Holy Spirit ME: No
285wife hall of Fame
286damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit
287i` ve long supported the classic "One Tooth" rule, which states that every time you make a bad post you should have one of your teeth pulled
288Every Time I read a new Tweet on my time line. My IQ increases by One Point.
289im just about to say that if you come in to the kfc support forum w/ a name like "crisp_Kyle" you can go right ahead & click that logout tab
290when MetalGearEric told his 36 followers i have "A Poor Man's Micropenis" and none of my so called allies stepped in to defend my honuor....
291LOVELY GIRL FOLLOWER: hey.. i noticed you posted 3 barbed remarks about game stop in a row.. is everything ok? ME: NO, everything is NOT ok,
292some times.. the smartest people you know, are Geniuses
293tiodays FunQuote: "Dont forget the WiFi" #FunQuote
294i am developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house
295whose idea was to call it "Ice cream parlor" and not "Scoop Kitchen" ?? lets get this joke viral and show my ex-wife landlord whos boss
296weeping because of my heroic burden... spending my last dollae at dairy queen to support girl businesses... chowing down between the tears..
297please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit
298i am a classically tragic dumb ass hwo has the burger king logo imprinted in my brain like a baby bird to its mother
299despite everything, i am still looking forward to the release of the sequel, "jungle 3 jungle," which was delayed to 2038 because of trolls.
300i did not say that the kid from jungle 2 jungle should be sent to Guantanamo bay, i just said it wouldn't be racist if he was
301if i catch you taking " SELFIE " at my used car dealership ( BEST deals in the tri-state area) i will shell you from the rear like a coward
302my work day consists of my bosses trying to goad me into my cubicle so that i'll just sit in there & jack off isntead of ruining the company
303the thing i accidentally posted earlier about putting my used condoms in the dishwasher was a virus. my subsequent meltdown was also a virus
304GEN X'ER: Help im shitting on my pants ME: They have this invention called "toilet" now. Maybe if you hang up the cell phone yould know this
305people pay good money to stamp your mail. if you refuse to take the time to thoroughly digest every piece of mail you receive, you are a Cur
306Tjhis guy fucking sucks
307putting the vacuum on my dick until I stop hearing crumbs go down the tube
308when people ask me who my favorite comedian is.. i invoke that wacked weatherman "AL GURE" and get one million dollars worth of retweets
309the $100000 pyramid is actually fairly fucking cheap for a pyramid
310we need less mayors and more sayers (of truth )
311id like to muse upon a scenario i came up with just now. a DUMB ASS visits a restaurant, after reading a poor review of it in the newspaper
312dropping some more Asexual Nudes into the cloud, to show the girls and the trolls how clean my body is, from years of washing
313YES, my dick is shaped like an extremely small snail's shell NO, you may NOT suck it,
314had mny scholarship revoked because of my bumbling 15 tweet routine about how isis attacked the airport because they hate brussel sprouts
315All music made past the year 1969 is rap. (sseals self in rebuttal proof chamber for 100 years)
316Was Going To Send Ur ScreenPlay To Mr Scorcese Until I Found Out U Were Part Of The Failshit Brigade Who Mocked My Seashell Necklace In 2010
317really hoping that someday my wife will surprise me by sending me a picture of my own dick
318ME: COMPUTER... SORT THE POSTS ON THIS SITE FROM LEAST TO MOST RACIST COMPUTER: YES MASTER ME: COMPUTER... PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME THAT
319fuck the grid
320gonna fill up on milk shakes and do some open carry off the grid
321(browsing the secret arbys menu that only boys can look at) ah., lets see, ill take one Spicy Onion Concerto with a dollop of SmartCornâ„¢
322first you have democrats and rtepublicans. theyre basically the same thing. then you have green party and uh, the whigs. theyre the same too
323helping the waitstaff by wiping the table down with the same disgusting napkin that I just used to sop up all the bullshit off my face
324user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table
325
326
327
328Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation
329(poking head up from self suck) augh this tastes like dog shit (goes back for more)
330im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me.
331my sources tell me that people are allowed to say the word "ass" on HBO. can anyone confirm this
332Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers
333Leut me make this clear: gloves are Next-Gen mittens , mittens are trash, i will never wear a mitten, i will take down anyone whos mad at me
334guy walking around flaunting his mittens around. claiming that nothings better than mittens. i show him my gloves and he flips the fuck out
335im being evicted from my home for saying that kfc should sell hamburgers on a public log, and being a general "Dumb Ass" when it comes to IQ
336#truth #fact... it is proven that about 80% of people online are violent murderers. wow thats so many. be safe my beloved followers
337"tarzan of the apes" will never become a Turner Classic Movie. shoddy premise. people find pictures of a man yelling in the woods disgusting
338tarzan is garbage. he sucks more than anything. people need to stop encouraging his shit by making films of him. go home tarzan. fuck tarzan
339pleased to announce that i am pissed off due to Stress,. and the Block All Girls initiative is now officially underway.
340glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,
341Former U.S. first lady Nancy Reagan (R) joined by daughter Patti Davis at the premiere of the film "Stuart Little 2"
342i tell you folks this damn itunes is something that you cant figure out unless you are a nasa guy
343FULLY PREPARED TO TAKE A HIT IN THE OLD FOLLOWER COUNT TO BECOME AN ALL CAPS, ALL BOND ACCOUNT. LIVE THE DREAM. PURGE THOSE BOZOS
344THEY SAY A NEW BOND ACTOR IS CHOSEN OUT OF RESPECT EVERY TIME THE REAL LIFE JAMES BOND DIES, AND HELL, FROM WHERE IM SITTING IT CHECKS OUT
345NETWORKING IN HOME MARKETS SUCCESS SEMINAR HOSTED BY JAMES BOND HIMSELF? OH YEAH. IM IN. BUT IM GOING TO NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME THERE
346AS J. BOND HOLDS IN HIS POSSESSION THE FAMOUS "LISCSENSE TO KILL," I MYSELF HAVE LICSENSE TO TOUCH AS MANY GRAPES AS I PLEASE W/O BUYING ANY
347please read my longform treatise "The Arrogance Of Burger King" available only on my new $70/month content streaming platform "ShitWire Pro'
348i couldnt help but notcie you besmirching my nephews Banksy Valhalla, Jordian Computer, Holstein Paypal, and last but not lease, paper mario
349" the bitch of bluejeans"
350-racist, -unsanitary condittions (animal near food) - fake holiday -ill eviscerate this pic further at a later time.
351stealing valor by purchasing fraudulent military gear from etsy,. parading my insane loadouts in front of our vets as they hurl abuse at me,
352cant wait to hurl them at my foes
353imagnie a world where us Common folk are given the blue checkmark and the CELEBs are left out to dry!! Hows that feel, HUh?! Answer me punks
354#SaySomethingGoodAboutTwitter you can easily remove it from your screen by clicking the x
355(me in prone position while having my house swatted again) officer if u could please just slip the rest of that campbells chunky in my mouth
356crapping fuck... 900 pictures of guns that you absolutely Must see
357it was always my idea to fill all the fire engnies with shit and piss to save water. the mayor stole it and planted a bomb in my car
358looking for some open comment sections in marine corps training vids to post racist shit on
359aangry bird's.. a Corrupted brand. keep far away
360before i drop 20.99 on these bad boys..can anyone tell me if im at risk of being murdered by the nsa if i wear these
361Im online at the computer, ready to post pitures of my new sandwich, and ive got a hankering for my ass to get kicked
362if it werent for the sport of hockey, nobody would give a shit about pucks
363Q: Whats ur least favorite finger to be flipped off with A: the middle one. it pisses me off way more than the other fingers. drives me nuts
364get me on some ghostboster sites
365huaw yeah you gotta try this shit... just boil the macaroni in the same pot as the spaghetti ... this is called the famous "Double pasta"
366attn Waiters: giving me one of the free pens from TD Bank ruins the experience of signing my check. it is a slap in the face. A death threat
367U Have Forced Me To Take Extreme Measures To Protect My Business And My Lifestyle. I Now Refuse To Open A Single Email Until April The 12th.
368while youre all bowing to the Pig Industrial Complex on false holiday #NationalPigDay,. i will be observing pictures of the noble bull moose
369#NationalPigDay no. this is crap . the pig will never have his day. i demand that the "Pig" surrenders this filthy assault on our calendars.
370vision's...
371sorry to all crooks, hucksters, cronies, and phonies... but in this, our year of 2016, police man is sitll king, and the jail, his Kingdom !
372listen fuck wit. if you dont want me pissng all down the floor and the walls of your public restroom then make the urinals. bigger
373i propose a Bussiness offer of the boy who says"Damn daniel".. i should like for him to grace the company of me & my wife, for twelve jewels
374sorry couldnt hear ya over $ rustling about in my wallet. money i saved by subverting toothbrushes. sucking the toothpaste tube like a cock,
375THRIEE SIMPLE RULES FOR SPEAKING TO ME OF MY AFFAIRS REGARDING MY INTERACTIONS WITH MY LAWYER'S... STAND DOWN !! GET IN LINE !! FUCK OFF !!
376we all know the famous "Five Second Rule"... if you dont throw dropped food in the trash within five seconds it unleashes toxic spores
377ill never rinse my farm fresh vegetables. its the responsibility of the greengrocer to rinse my God damn food and if i get poisoned so be it
378stumbling through war torn syria with my pants down, begging everyone around me not to feed the trolls
379the first step to becoming a Millionaire is to acquire one hundred dollars
380people who like to say "Ba ba ba ba " at me <<<< People who hand me their wallet
381a boss should be allowed to kick his employees asse's. key to his workers house so he can just come in and start wailing anytime #bottomword
38220 treats = 1 snack 3 snacks = 1 meal 3 meals = Boys Daily Intake 180 Treats = Boys Daily Intake 1 Treat = 1 Goody 60 Goody's = 1 meal
383im going to get shit on a lot for posting this but i dont care
384 this is the most vile thing to be put on tv
385paper is a liquid #TheThursdayMorningRamble
386someone please. ive bitten into a nasty apple and I don't know how to spit things out of my mouth. ivr never spit before and i need help
387givign my social security number to the valentines day app to find out which idiot wants to see my dick the most
388for all you twitter birds out there.. a fun idea ive been throwin around: lets make the front page to "WILD WEST" theme..Huh! only on Friday
389barby dolls are worthless to me
390in 2020 police technology will allow criminals to choose between "hot jail" and "cold jail"
391good to have Options
392why even bother learning how to hack when i can just have my enemies accounts removed by accusing them of conspiring to piss on grumpy cat
393death
394if i saw someon e on the street wearing a dunce cap, i would challenge him to my famous Three Trials of wisdom, and soundly defeat him
395let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,
396ELLEN: But what you're most known for is your use of the infamous N-Word ENTICED AUDIENCE: Wooo !! ME: ahh!! ya got me!
397IN OUR LIFETIMES... "GOODBYE" TO MOUTH WASH
398i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts)
399i will not let anyone touch my pitbuls unless they are wearing a collared shirt
400thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom
401the pursuit of having trhe nicest opinions online... is the only thing that separates us from the god damn animals. the sole reason we exist
402Closing my account until all of the pro jet-dry kiddies go to bed. You people are animals. Hopeless brutes
403scenario: the duishwasher mouth starts up in some dumb ass baby voice. "GIMME SUM JET DRY!!" i unload my .480 ruger into it without Emotion,
404i just thoughgt about those commercials with the stupid fucking mouth in the dishwasher that begs for jet dry & ripped a door off its hinges
405id like to report a hacker. he offered me 1000000 to show my dick and didnt cough up the dough when i delivered the goods. i got hacked
406MYTH: my posts are for the Pauper REALITY: my posts are for the Prince
407the prophecy fulfilled 
408I mdade $400000 just by typing the words "Simpson and garfunkel" back in 2011 and u have the gall tome w/ ur little 200 ass follower acct
409please dm my agent if you wish to Banter with me in the mentions, so he can send you the proper paperwork. im extremely tired of this shit.
410U cant even get a good "Shoe Shine" anymore—the guy just keeps trying to put his mouth on my dick. Is this a Thing now. Is this a Problem
411someone please get me in touch with the little boy who died & went to heaven. i want to astral project him into my ex-wifes castle for intel
412i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to sotp tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances
413(looking into a big toilet filled with shit , piss and toilet paper, shaking my head) this is fucking stupid. hardly worth my time
414shut the fuck up and kick my ass
415RAT CHECK... unfollow me ,if youre a sleazy low down RAT!!!!!!!! i will knock your block off, I respect honor, Truth in words and action.
416an Oscar category for super bowl ads in the future?? perhaps in a less judge mental world,
417take ntoe Hollywood: these superbowl ads teach us we can create compelling visual content better than any movie, WITHOUT resort to Vulgarity
418fuckin Wade
419"i wish they got, WiFi down here" - guy who died in the paris catacombs
420-windows covered in trash bags -arbitrarily sorting the contents of my snack Pack -pumping racist apps into my nokia at Lightspeed -frowning
421sometimes it seems to me that it is a bit good to say that we could not do our posts without using none other than the humble computer chip.
422taking the lords name in vein... #inspire
423looks like im forced to address false rumors that i own 3 dildos on a shelf labelled "breakfast" "lunch" & "dinner". this is an absurdity .
424ME: mr cruise..im also a celeb. i invented the phrase "Barney sucks" TOM: wow... that phrase is so good, i must use it at least once per day
425they say zika virus is the Bastard of 2016, but that distinction must go to my infamous folowers, who i consider to be "Dumber than Dogshit"
426donald trump is the best man for the job... and for that he has earned my vote. however, i believe he needs to "Check his priviledge"
4271) wise the fuck up, 2) put the same amount of days in all the months 3)people need to put on the damn thinking caps 4) im boycotting months
428While your were busy all discussing the black celebrity's ass, i just constructed an authentic Christian abacus using fine tumbled stones
429got one of th ose steering wheels you control with your mouth so i can dual wield on the road. top secret technology for friends of police,
430girlsl... i shall virtuously employ the expansive breadth of my tech wisdom to protect you all from Daesh... even if you dont follow me...
431has any one ever noticed that the good spiderman movies are the ones for adults, and the bad spiderman movies are the ones for children
432THINKING ABOUT WHEN DID "IN GOD WE TRUST" BECOME " WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT"
433my favorite tv show characters are "The good guys". My least favorite characters are "The villains"
434(Becomes upset by an unsolicited mention of Beetle Bailey on twitter feed, and punishes followers by refusing to post an update for 30mins.)
435i shant say more of it .
436ah.. why is it that computers can send hateful commentary thorugh the modem... but weren't designed to send something nice.. like a Song
437the big seat of my sweat pants sagging beneath the weight of globs of neosporin as i waddlle my fuckface ass off to the impound lot
438Fucking yes this . Friendlys has a meatball bar
439im the boss of Mensa. every time i close my eyes i have visions of going berserk and spitting on a human face until it is unrecognizasble
440i spend a lot of time reading the constatution of the united states of america while grinning ear to ear
441will try to become less of an Ape on the day of holy sabbath
442just read something fucked up... Not a single picture of stonehenge exists.
443first day i got online on a man named Mumbai_Eddie accused me of having diarrhea, so i detached my modem and put it in the sink for 8 years
444sick of seeing "Snark" on my feed regarding our nation's presidential candidates. i will be voting for all of them because they seem nice
445Looking to the day when the World Wide Web matures to become into the World Wise Web.
446im known to "Trick or Treat" from my neighbors mail boxes. they love it and it drives them wild. And it`s a bit of fun
447#ToTheGirls2016 im intelligent & clean boy. i have the trigger dicispline of a lion. ive used Torture to cure myself of all mental illness.
448Discussing Reality Intelligently Life
449U have to listen to this song "Signs" by the five man electrical band... the guy is just owning the fuck out of all these signs, it's insane
450more harmful to our web than any computer virus... sick thought's and selfish attitude... pass it on boys...
451which 46% of you mother fuckers arent buying soap
452my most famous tweet, entitled "Jacking off at the Dog Kennel," has earned over ten billion engagements & was retweeted by stephen spielberg
453get one of those bill gates tubes that turns piss to water, load a big fat backpack with treats, cut the cord, pull the plug, fuck the grid,
454got about 50000 posts to catch up on here... thats so many.. thank you my sweet boys
455martin luther king did not have a favorite type of lunchables. absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate.please delete
456heated debate
457rt if you think that "Coors Light Cold Hard Facts" is the "Chevy Clubhouse" of "Dilfer's Dimes"
458fuck it, ill just come out and say that i think "Iceberg lettuce" is just aobut the worst name you can come up w/ for a damn type of lettuce
459im not horny but, lets face the facts people... if youre a girl im gonna click on ya
460twiitter dot com baby... the inmates are running the damn asylum.. AND IT THINK THAT IT IS GOOD...!! #StartupIndia
461entertaining twisted thoughts of putting bull shit on the back burner
462enjoying some fucked up thoughts of some boys enjoying the real counter culture shit... such as drinking coffee, and being glad it's friday
463FUCK OFF
464excuse me sir, i couldnt help but notice that youre in need of a thorough explanation of kegel exercise. ok, it's basically psychic jelqing,
465youll never shut me the fuck up , no matter how many times you unfollow me, you will never shut me the fuck upon here!! get lost Cyber scum!
466im a monk in real life, the matrix is real and hummingbirds and other really fast animals are proof positive that bullet time eixists
467i hold this truth , im just an average joe trying to do my messages here, and i dont have time for fellas who want to take a big crap on me.
468none of you are educated in anything, youre all pricks, your dms suck, yoyure terrible at trying to engage my brand like normal human beings
469"horny" has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined
470i will soon be leaking a list of the people who sent me really concerned DMs when i posted that jacking off too much makes your dick smaller
471if you say the words "Room temperature" to me ill flip my lid. room temp varies depending on the room. youre talking shit out of your mouth.
472MOST HATED FOODS., 50) PAPA JOHNS ORIGINAL FAMOUS CHEMTRAIL PANZEROTTI 49) THE DEMERITORIOUS DOLLAR NINETY NINE McDIAPER....... MORE TO COME
473argh.. (shakes fist) Damn you White people !! ha ha, but seriously though, most whites are actually highly intelligent, and resourceful,
474while you were watching the teen choice awards, i was watching the classic episodes of the teen choice awards from back when they were good.
475life is aobut too many chairs. you got the tv chair, dinner table chair, the dentists chair, electric chair... thats too many. Tone it down
476ah, aint it funny that folks these days are washing childrens mouths out with soap.. when they should be washing their mouths out with Hope,
477up until I was about 17 i believed that bugs were baby rats
478respect me.. respect my #Setup
479looking at my own dick in 3d
480Im going to shut the computer off until people learn to be more mature about life. In tge mean time, suck my dick
481pal the only "meltdown" im having is my ice cream melting down into my hand while I lay on the beach & laugh while thinking about the trolls
482i don't have time ot actually read you peoples posts, but ive been evaluating your engagement metric's and they look like Shit...
483Some crap is simply to be put into the dumpster .
484its no secret that i sometimes have to scold my hare brained followers rirght in their goofy fucking faces to keep them in line
485slin jim
486DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,
487COMPUTER.. FED EX ME A PRINT OUT OF ALL MY GIRL FOLLOWERS SORTED BY THEIR DEVOTION TO CHRIST COMPUTER... GET ME THE BULE CHECK MARK A.S.A.P.
488the best part of winning the power ball lottery has got to be getting my hands on some of that Green stuff also known as money.
489i fear that if the 10k character limit is enacted my trolls will post ascii middle fingers that are elaborate & beautiful enough to kill me
490if you want to make someone on this website really mad, accuse them of poisoning the animals they care for #workseveryDamntime #TheMaster
491me and SnakeMom1956 are in love and we are laughing at all of th e people who think that our flintstones themed wedding is a sham
492shame on dailymail & nydailynews for posting my racist ball screenshot without giving credit 
493accidentally brought my piss detector into the mens room again and cowered beneath a sink as the deafening screech echoed off the hard tile
494dont know why they deleted this
495youre fit for 2015 #yourFitOf2015
496that smug prick baby new year th e piece of shit. ill throw him from my truck the dumb ass mother fucker
497Numerous hospitals no longer make a Baby New Year public due to concerns that the infant will become a target for criminals.[13]
498in another life... i would make U stay..
499sometimes its good to just wipe your ass,
500Bllesed
501turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me
502anguished imbecile pukes up a surprisingly intact mcgriddle while planting an IED in front of best buy
503the mayor threatens to replace one letter of the english language with the Swastika for each week that his wooden leg is not returned to him
504FOOL: Beer is not the tdrink of summer. It can be enjoyed all year round ME: Beer is the drink of summer.
505i have spent the last 9 yrs writing countless papers on the subject of Followback Culture. The quality of my life has suffered immeasurably.
506i will die for my belief that Beer is "The drink of summer"
507mystical truth Teller
508
509just spent the last 10 minutes fishing a pubic hair out of the toilet to avoid any nasty phone calls from the boys at the sewage plant
510wife put me in the dog house agauin for failing to get the blue checkmark... and people ask me why im mgtow pua...
511im here to tell you that even with 8 kid,s, 6 dogs, debilitating rickets & a filthy waterlogged home, that its still possible to be a Gamer
512this website seems more & more like a place where elitist daddys boys can show off how 'CLEVER" they are, instead of a source for bra advice
513mother teresa Aint No Saint, put the green arrows,there, click the heart too
514is mother teresa a saint "No she aint"
515when thw pope says mother teresa is a saint.. i say she Ain't!
516i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everoyne here is so rude, and pieces of shit
517 some posting music for all of ya
518mother nature and father time arre not real. theyre fake people who were invented to explain trees and clocks to shitheads
519every now and then i like to treat myself to a bit of "Lying under oath"
520(in worst human voice possible) folks rmember to click that fuckin like & subscribe button and leave a comment below in the fuckin box there
521i hope to one day eat 10'000 calories a day
522boy's Rules: 1) the only coffee flavored thing should be COFFEE !! 2) "Shut Da Fuck Up And Keep Ya Head Down" 3) Never consume Oils
523yoyu dont choose to be retweeted.. it choose's you
524In culture, today, where they have cellphones, it seems, as, though, the most forgotton words in the English language are, "I give a Damn."
525AYE... THE OJ SIMPSON VERDICT IS SOMEWHAT SHIT , INNIT!!!!!!
526MustardCynic: this is not True Spicy Brown... this is Treason Brown
527#HipHopStarWars please. imn begging you. all girls on this hashtag please send HD pictures of your teeth& gums. please god just give me this
528another miserable day of Disappointing my followers
529piece of shit
530based on a bunch of educated assumptions i've made about weight gain, really obese guys must have like the hugest dicks on the planet
531I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit,
532the worst thing you can do in death is make the R.I.P. on your grave actually stand for Racism Is Power
533boys im here to tellt you that a high-quality wall paper can make any room look fantastic on the cheap
534Setting aside the dumb ass things of life to focus on the truth of intelligense .
535dont worry ladies, im not one of those"Bros" who talks to girls about sex stuff. anyway, i have an entire bra stuffed in my mouth right now,
536leaving splinters stuck in your fingers is good. its all protien baby
537cghecking to see if i have the correct wattage on all of my Light bolbs.. now thats a pizza pie #thatsaPizzaPie
538liberating to have gotten all the joke's out of my system sometime back in 2011 so I can now disseminate serious info to the dumb asses here
539i can no longer close my eyes. with out seeing a bounty of Farm Fresh groceries being licked by dirty dogs and animals
540i look very handmsome in my bow tie and suspenders, holding a big red balloon
541spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn
542i find the private dm chats are an excellent place to "Workshop" my meltdowns & personal attacks against others, before making them public,
543pretending not to be mad while the guy in the next stall over takes a big shit while I try to Meditate
544judgementle people deserve to be put into a special kind of electric chair which sends then to hell even if theyre good .
545ive started bowing my head and saying grace before reading each post on here... "thank you." "thank you for the posts." that sort of thing,
546i wish my opinions were good enough to put on bumper stickers, but alas, i can only say "syria is basically road rash 64" using my mouth
547shooting off automatic rifles making horrible diarrhea shit noises as the recoil makes my tiny dick flop around. hell yeah. thats cool to me
548i mailed my detached dick to bolivia to get it enlarged by a professor of Medicine. i am hoping it is returned to me without incident.
549beer city USA . my friend s
550its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town
551ive been sititng in buffalo wild wings for 3 hrs now, refusing to speak with the waiter because of his vile dry lips. i will win this battle
552soaking weekly circulars in my own blood and sending them back to Shop-Rite, to teach them a lesson about enticing my wife with bargains
553i am a chef now folks. im walking around town in my chefs hat like a real dumbass. everyone hopes i get hit by a car
554my followers will be thrilled to hear that i am wearing a very pleasant pair of jeans while reading a variety of articles, on subjects
555UNCLE: on sept 14 u posted "my dick is not all its cracked up to be." Explain yourself please ME: its. a commentary on the economy actually,
556i have never condoned "rumpus"
557blesssed to have over 200 mannequins propped up around my house in vulgar positions, and the accompanying "Love my manny`s" bumper sticker
558my uncles caught me searching "can i still join isis if im racist" on the family computer & are now withholding all holiday treats for 2015.
559how do i make it so people have to give me money if they want to reply to my posts
560becoming incrediblly Spiritual on the computer... holy fuck...
561yes. this guy is me
562enya on full blast.. accessing 100 sites per minute
563if someone dressed in cclown makeup came up to me and asked to suck my dick, id naturally assume it's a troll,
564rooting through some damn womens' purses. all of the things in these purses suck. i don't give a shit
565#mondaymotivation
566some dumb asses of life just need a damn "BRAIN "
567jacking off.. (lights cigarette, takes a big smoke of it) ..i s a Zero Sum fallacy. a jesters game
568if i ge t one more comment about guns being a type of Glove- im spraying the fuse box with a hose until my computer turns off
569A gun is not clothes just because you can wear a holster with a gun inside of it. Jesus christ. Shut thhe fuck up about guns being clothes.
570U cant wear a sword. A sword is not clothes. Yes, A SHeathe, is clothes. The sword goes in the sheath, but that doesnt make it clothes bitch
571thw most valuable icon on any boys desktop... the famed "My Computer" icon. click that bastard and youre good to go
572
573all of you people have rat hands. i am going to be fucking sick
574finger nail check. everyone please post your fingernails right now for my inspection. i will block you if theyre filthy
575LIKE WANTING TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO SAVE BIG BUCKS FOR PENNYS ON THE DOLLAR AND GET RICH CHEAP
576ignorance... is a fallacy .my dear pals
577how do you clean a shirt
578ive never laughged at a piss joke. (sees how impressed everyone is, takes it one step further) in fact, ive never laughed before in my life.
579(saying loud enough so people can hear) the matrix is the james bond of steam punk
580Unfunny.
581(ssees a stock image of a frowning man sitting inside of a doghouse) Hurmph. Asinine.
582Rats Are Life Facebook
583this shi t
584sub way is a pedophile... you guys see about this shit ?
585sears deparftment store used to be the best place to meet up with the boys. nowadays theyll let just about any piece of shit inside to shop.
586torturing my damn dick with corn cob holders in Penance for the foul tone i took with the subway corporation today
587isreally offering a 10% discount to all Muslims who apologize for the attacks... kind of messed up..
588wow.. just watching the cnn channel here.. amazed by how they know all the news so well.. Extraordinary
5892005 me: who the fuck is martin van buren 2015 me: ah yes. DonkeyKongEddie. arrested at gamestop on nov 13 2014, drives a grey honda accord,
590
591sucking on the same big piece of bread for hours and hours ,.
592i bet half the people posting "Ah!" on here dont even realize its an acronym for "Acknowledged Heartily"
593Yiou have to be really smart to get 250k followers on here. It doesnt just happen to you if you post false info about your ass for 7 years
594researching dynamic, groundbreaking new ways to wipe my ass
595two lives? this is fuckinh barbaric
596people used to jack off to this guy back in the 90s. not me though
597(rreads a series of Enlightened posts and becomes smart) AH. Hm, this is good. (reads a troll post and becomes a dumb ass) Damn Fuck !
598spice up your life by throwing your favorite coffee mug into the garbage
599adding "A Touch of Class" to my home by wrapping all of my game's apparatuse's in tinsel
600i feel truly blessed ,knowing that everyone who has spoken ill of my brand is eating bugs in a cold prison cell.
601looking at some pictures of dracula,
602dozens upon dozens of the racist new starbuck cups,. filled with urine and placed all over my computer desk like candles on a satanic altar
603not many people know this, b ut i actually coined the term "Lunchtime". before then, time and lunch were two entirely immeasurable concepts,
604album (120 pics) ben stein kissing wife
605ME: ok now do a search of this. "muppet babies theme - backwards, half speed" ALFRED HITCHCOCK: Holy Fuck !!
606the joke's hall of fame
607thats it. thats enough. im shutting the computer down ,before i become too powerful
608ive eaten more $14 hamburgers than youve eaten regular hambufrgers, you low engagement galoot
609dual wielding toilet paper
610stressed out due to pistachio shit all over my shirt and computer desk . all posts canceled
611fellas..tell your girls you will n ot be providing any more sex until the entire female race apologizes for halo 5's dismal metacritic score
612ennjoying a big bowl of condoms. twirling them around my fork like spaghetti
613yeah like im just going to put bottles of my own damn urine up on the mantel. you fucking idiot. this is celeb urine
614huh.. it;s been awhile since i made an actual joke on here. lets see now. boats are basically uh, skeletons, that people use to, trick water
615ME: Basiclaly its just a joke we do where whoever says hes El Chapo the most wins COP: Thats not what a joke is ME: Well its good either way
616some people sing the praises of the one hundred dollar bill... i myself, prefer the humble, time-tested and reliable one dollar bill
617hyj
618llooking extremely normal today
619if this shit costs me the Fanta deal i will: 1) become eeven more racist 2) cancel all Thursday Nite Rants 3) add a switchblade to my avatar
620these people with locked accounts...damn!!! you just know theyre hiding all the good posts in there
621the times they are indeed a changin..but the one time thatll never change is Lunch time. lock them engagements in if you think this is good.
622OPRAH: Take us back to the time you invented the famous Livestrong Bracelet. ME: well..i was at boston market, just looking at my wrist, and
623boys i need a full report on your Scalp Health by uhh 8pm or else ill go ape shit in the dms,
624i go outside for the rfirst time in 7 years and a biplane immediately shoots a chemtrail at my dick and makes it 2 inches shorter. typical
625ah, So u persecute Jared Fogle just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it
626id say my most defining quality is that i instinctively write tremendous amounts of think pieces whenever i see a naked person
6274am walgreens haul... re tweet this after the Girls wake up
628inspirational... 86 year old man circumcised by doctors in Zaire... "It's never too late" "Blessed."
629i shall not be attending boys night, as i have injured myself while attempting to butterfly an auntie annes pretzel stick .
630TROLL: Shut down windows ME: Ah, no
631this is the final scheule. do not contact me of this.
632looking forward to my 19,000 dollars
633for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds.
634the crusaders fire ballistas into my throbbing diaper- unlesashing a torrent of mustard yellow shit and poisoning the entire village
635show us the Boys
636so many Weird Twitter accts asking me to suck their dick in the dms. im njust like, yeah right bub. you havent even retweeted me since 2013.
637eat bird shit
638got a One Million Dollar idea here. the dewey decimal sytsem... its good right? now imagine using it at Wegmans to find your favorite snacks
639scores of Farm Fresh, artisan treats available for my perusal.. Oh Me Oh My
640U want more insight into "THe Process," u say? Look no further.
641months ago i dreamt about people making their ass cracks longer with surgery. i woke up & immediately put "Crack length" in my drafts folder
642AAUh..!! Yeah. Lets all gang up on the guy who gives his children Steroids, just because he has a different opinion. Fucking idiots.
643"Valor is the honor of distinction"... the words engraved on the side of my gun, that i force the gamestop employes to repeat out loud to me
644i will tell you about the two types of diaper. there's the Functional diaper, worn inside the pants. and the Aesthetic diaper, worn outside.
645bad ass
646#BenghaziCommittee my dick is normal sized. every morning i use a q-tip dipped in windex to clear scuff marks off of it. i have no illnesses
647a fuckin.. rat eating a slice of pizza?? damn,. the guy who filmed this must have gbeen smoking weed.
648fuh..just unfollowed about 900 people on here. Feel as thogugh ive matured a lot in my time on this site & expect a higher grade of content.
649come. I SHall lead the charge against corrupt Game developers, (Falls face forward ansd a variety of ass medicines spill out of my clothing)
650HMm, it seems after years of reading my posts, everoyne is still miserable & dumber than shit. Maybe i should post like 100 more times a day
651cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this...
652im the guy who ruined Columbus Day by saying he had slaves, and im ruining Back to the Future Day too by saying the film is rife with incest
653concerning "Online", ive found there are websites that are often considered the "Good" websites, and others generally understood to be "Bad"
654r
655http://t.co/dT2lt1IXOY
656big meeting with chinese investors coming up in 5 minutes. need to look sharp and presentable. im running my dick under the faucet
657in want of a glass of cold one ... http://t.co/Bzqa4zbkH9
658wondering why more people aarent faving this screenshot i found of professor Stephen Hawking saying "ape piss". If its fake please tell me
659what if "DONALD TRUMP" was the ceo of NetFlix? I think itd go a little something like this...! (gestures racistly) What a world What a world
660i love my beavis. And yours
661dont make me jump over that fuckinh counter and teach your low wage chefs the difference between "Extra" and "Double" meat ball
662arbys refuses to honor special bulletin offering a free "Roastbeef Snack" to all divorced men... lots of upset divorced men at this arbys,..
663i was so wound up over trolls this morning i forgot to wipe my ass. i pulled my pants up and the shit coalesced into a wad on my lower back.
664the torture of being a Top Influencer on the hateful, chaotic earth... http://t.co/bFCO8GWvGA
665coming up with some new racism slogans... "Racism: Never knew it could be this good" "Racism: Gotta geddit" "Racism: Now that's what's nice"
666I Hope So http://t.co/tOuAGUy2j1
667forced to remove my famous "DANGER: MAY CONTAIN LETHAL LEVELS OF SARCASM !!" sign from the front door of the poolside shed that i live in
668, Fuck you !!
669FURTHER MORe, any future tweet i make may now randomly be designated as a "Hell Tweet", meaning if you reply to it , you will be blocked,
67037 souls who will never again be allowed to engage with my red hot brand, bnecause they posted during hell hour and spat in the face of god
671the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost
672instituting a new feature on my feed called "The Hell Hour". the hell hour begins now
673http://t.co/M7n5uOc3Ft
674the only hthing i hate more than crashing my ford truck is justin biebers dick. which was recently shown to me in pictures
675I dont appreciate bieng called "The Waterbed Bitch" just because I own a waterbed and post pictures of it daily
676ready to accept nine hundred dollars into my life http://t.co/NVls6XDI3T
677taking sips from a big fat thermos with the isis flag on it. thinking about inventing an app that tells me when lunch time is
678at the advice of my doctor, ive decided to piss, but only in small amounts out of respect for the #NoPiss challenge. i will limit my piss.
679going strong into hour 8 of #NoPiss. feeling unprecedented spiritual growth. unfollow me if youre upset because this isnt "Funny" or "good".
680Approaching hour 5 of the #NoPiss challenge. This is very fucking serious and real. Bafflingly, no one has requested to interview me yet
681seems like to me that in this foul economy the only thing "On the Up and Up" is the damn gas prices, thath we all gotta break the bank for .
682http://t.co/bJE5yGivLM
683ive completed the first hour of my 2 day #NoPiss challenge. i am searching for media outlets who would like to document my struggle
684im still allowed to jack off. jacking off does not count as pissing. please let me have this
685ive decided to abstain from urination for two days, to punish myself for letting my kolut score dip below 70 again
686(in the 'lets get ready to rumble' man's voice) lllllleeets get ready to post some good shit
687(ddumb ass, squinting at the tv, struggling to comprehend "The Flintstones") why are they wearing those outfits
688" A fucking bastard lives here " http://t.co/cgRdl63PUN
689i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again
690
691RE: Restaurant Etiquette >> I've been a waiter for 9 years, and I like it when people snap their fingers at me. So your commant is invalid.
692(smoking cig on stage) Ya know, like i always say, these fuckers dont know a damn thing of common sense. COupons are like free money. Use em
693these guys tried to run a hospital in AFGHANISTAN?? hello?? i dont know if you noticed, but theres a war there? U gotta use your heads folks
694oh, youvve read a few academic papers on the matter? cute. i have read over 100000 posts.
695(intentionally spoken within earshot of severral arbys girls) ah fuck. my hands smell like steroids from using steroids all day
696dead certainly., if my pit bulls could speak... they would say "please, please increase my power"
697i sincerely hope all of you remembered to powder your keyboards and mice to prevent Hand damage during your normal 16 hr browsing sessions
698if u think its fucked up that men & women are allowed to eat the same kinds of food, type the word "yes" into your browser bar & click on it
699Antonio Vivaldi six violin concertos, strings & continuo in A major " Burger King Theme " Op. 2 N°11 published in Venice by Bortoli - 1708
700i dont see" follower counts." i see a beautiful Tapestry of the content of souls. i will murder you if you think this post is good or bad.
701hwow many favs are worth the equivalent of a human life... id say about 70
702log me in to the on-line city where the links are blue and the girls Dm Me......
703This woman is an FBI agent sent to jingle her keys through the library to intimidate me about jail.
704The entire King Soopers store at 80th & Wadsworth is staffed with Federal Agents not authorized by any judge,
705FOOL: Foot & mouth disease isnt necessarily good ME: Ive had it with this shit. Im showing this to your employer FOOL: Dont. I have a family
706i think when we get caught up in our gadgets and email, we forget to sit down and appreciate that time-tested classic doritos
707please show me pins i can wear that will make me look very handsome in churdh
708my romantic girl friend sees the super blood moon reflected in my greased back hair and pledges then and there to bow to christ our master
709pissed off because people are watching their precious football instead of asking me why im pissed off
710Duur!! Thanks for clown baiting me. Idiot http://t.co/HllAsfHYUd
711ME: (pulls soaked pair of jnco jeans out of sons aquarium) Ah wahts this. You cant continue to live here if you do this SON: Im a smoker now
712looking how to become more cyber
713I find my self. walking the hallowed halls of Harverd university , thinking wisely to my self. upon the quest, for Knowledge...
714(truyng to stumble across the next big two-word phrase that gets really popular for no reason) udhhu.. bird hell owl. big hell. owl hell
715Waiiter, i have not received my Farm Fresh olives, and my steak is far too Unctuous. Please tell the chef to go back to 9 gag.
716SCreaming while the road workers slowly pave a road on top of me using my own tax dollar
717i have never in my life- shit my pants or had an erection. it is ludicrous to claim other wise
718in the midst of jade helm 15 and high gas prices. a good boy looks to the stars and asks where have all the angels Gone ...............
719droitos should make hamburgers
720NEWSWEEK: WHat can be said. youre a spectacular brand. like hitler without the racism ME: I am exactly indeed like hitler without the racism
721Thheres just not enough moisture in food now a days. Run that shit under the faucet
722someone on here asked me my opinion of Worcestershire sauce... but i dont feel ready to share that at this time.
723Ready to enjoy my Farm Fresh Mozzarella Sticks from Bertuccis, retweet my favorite celebs, and post some worms-eye pics of my Genitals & Ass
724folks the only thing higher than Cheetch & Chong—is gas prices (audience goes wild, hooting,screaming; starting Great Gas Price Riot of '15)
725as a real life professional Chef , i refuse to buy any packaged food that isn't marked with the words "Limited Edition"
726apparently pharmacies think theyre grocery shops now. selling food product instead of focusing on exceptional pill service. Get real, punk !
727i know i will catch endless flak for this. but I am of the belief, that the tried and true Suit and Tie, is a Classic
728I TAKE BACK EVERY KIND THING I'VE SAID ABOUT THE GIRLS ON HERE ! SHALLOW AND CRUEL ! HEART LESS DEVILS ! MANIPULATING MY POSTS & TRICKING ME
729FOOL: Love to get a bee in my bonnet ME: theres no possible way you could love that. take this down immediately FOOL: Ah, foiled again
730im the guy who originally cooked up the "garden of eatin" joke. thats my bit. im just saying it out in the open here & now. trolls be damned
731just noticed the new washcloths ive been showering with have the FoodNetwork logo. this is my biggest failure to date http://t.co/8JvvTKea36
732to me, the white and yellow lines that get painted to the roads are mostly a nuisance. i say let's #TakeEmOff
733http://t.co/fbrGwofqcK announcin,g in 2016 my new brand alliance with cool arab man
734Jack Ass: Arguably, in many ways, a "Two-fer" could conceivably be worse than a "One-fer" ME: I'd will not even dignify that with a response
7352 celeb headlines i came up with, in case one of them does something: "Hasta Travolta, Baby" "Bieber does it again. Ah, but thats hollywood"
736i cried during the schene where richie rich revealed the mcdonalds in his house. if you dont like it, move on
737CHEF: mon signor!! leaving the tails on the shrimp is good! it is tre bien ME: Im going to nuke you with live ammo. Im the guy from the crow
738http://t.co/hq9EnbHCV6
739i pay good money to load my sons bag with treats, and if Erasmus Infowars Copfucker wants to devour them in the university library, so be it
740half wit bumpkin here, looking for new snacks
741startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
742ME: was thinkin about how I could incorporate the phrase "obama breeze" into my next post. Thoughts? TOM CRUISE: its solid gold baby. Killer
743funny how ppeople get faved for posting "Humour", but when i post about how deeply in love i am with the girls here i get the old Brush off
744ME: ill take.. one Cruisp bird w/ extra bird sauce please KFC CLERK: Huh? ME: (gives him the Wink of Irony) KFC CLERK: Ah! The Wink of Irony
745imbecile goes viral after telling tgifridays waiter that his caesar dressing is "too spicy"
746Shut the fuck up? Now ? Whil;e im smack in the middle of perhaps my most ruthless tear against Netflix Culture? Muwahaha. Never
747mE: i'll take eggland's WORST, please grocery clerk (min wage): Good joke sir
748i shall say this only; ive ended peoples careers by reporting them for "Ironic" typos & spelling errors., i do not give a shit. im a warrior
749i fuucking love being sent to Juvie Hall
750Houly fuck.. They did it. They replaced all the HF corn syrup w/ pure cane sugar. My minds absolutly blown by this shitty drink for children
751theres never been a horny me, and never shall i horny be, And If this sacred vow shall break, I pray the lord my posts to take
752fingers ranked by how good it is to show them to people: 1. thumb 2. pinky 3. ring 4. index 5. middle steal this listicle,u corrupted fucks
753extremmely turned on by Fav Denial , heavily worked up by women declining to fav my posts
754http://t.co/xaPZhpuOzf
755please let me cover my entire webpage in jungle camo so soldiers can research vital murder info on the battlefield without being spotted
756Announcing new feature called #Rubadubdub where my followers are encourgaged to post pics of themself inside the bathtub. Ban me i dont care
757LIAR: Free data plan. is absolutely not good. It's something I don't think we should want ME: Im not to touch this one with a 10 foot pole
758STREET TOUGH: HEY. VERIFIED ACCTS ARENT FAVING U ANYMORE. WHATS THE DEAL ME:(pretending not to hear, fumbling w/ keys to open my shitty car)
759Nuffs aid. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need i say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say
760fav if you think adults should have access to toilet time retweet to see the face of G-OD ignore and get th e word "Liar" branded into flesh
76115 years ago the most shocking thing online was a picture of a man spreading his ass cheeks open. today, it's my opinions about Wet shaving
762Im going to make 1000 videos of fuck nasa.
763i rise; spreading my arms, exuding fluorescent spheres of energy, each representing an Unfollower, Cuasing me a great deal of pain,Screaming
764(vomits while dioing pushups at the gym and resists every attempt from professional trainers to stop me from continuing)
765the inventor of the famous "Love to Scrimp, Hate to Save" tweet... FINALLy taking pop culture to task... "You gotta see it to believe it"
766Love To Scrimp, Hate To Save #TheFinalWordOfIt
767if you want the real bargains during boys night out... gotta go with the Children's menu... every time
768Im sorry? Are u "Going in" on me?? Am I being "Gone In" upon just for p osting my time-tested opinions about girls holding forks incorrectly
769i believe that jade healm 15, and the markets going haywire, youve got a "Witch's Brew" of bull shit
770The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen
771each 'Ridge' in your crinkle-cut potato chip costs 4 gallons of precious slave blood to create and adds a satisfying "Cruntch" to every bite
772http://t.co/54vIlDx0Rf
773im a bush-league yokel who should be put on the floor
774bramds http://t.co/BCkDV2xGTM
775the most popular of my weekly features is returning in 2016. thats roight folks. #WaterboyWednesday no further info at this time.
776Once again, those dastardly, Devious trolls have installed a device underneath my computer desk that shoots me in the dick every time i post
777Ah!! Ah! once again, the flap-jawed trolls have deliberately misinterpreted my constant attempts to get a girl friend on here as " Sexual "
778http://t.co/ZhirkDLIwE
779released statement regarding Grumpy Cat urinary tract infection: "Grumpy Cat is in a lot of pain, but still wants to entertain you at shows"
780front of my shirt: " YES: MY PATIO IS HAND-WASHED " back of my shirt: a convenient bullseye so people can shoot me if they want to
781bush was the president who likes oil. correct? so what i think is that its actually "Castor oil", because he leaves a bad taste in my mout!!
782http://t.co/OZYFNThDkB
783feeling devilishly Racist today... might apply just a smidgen of Blackface before i go out chasing cars
784am I the most dark & twisted psycho god online?? hm lets see: - When the dow jones industrial average goes down i say simply the word "Good"
785windows..on behalf of all boys online, INCLUDING the trolls, id like to extend a well-deserve "Thank You" for putting updates in my computer
786i have every net flick
787UNITED NATIONS: ah!! please help us! we need just a normal man's opinion!! we got you a seat ME: How'm I to trust you, while God is bleeding
788hm.. the essentials... well what can i say. you gotta have em baby http://t.co/8Edkr2U60c
789tormenting lab animals with my huge vibrating ass
790If you do this: Fuck you http://t.co/9RBuLcCun3
791i hear in some cultures they crap in their hand first before putting it in the toilet. thats fucked up to me. just shit it directly in there
792survey - please tell me which one is "Most good": >Perfect meadows in every direction >A Man wheezing into the toilet >Bobs BigBoy PattyMelt
793Priest: and the lord said, take this delicious McDonald and eat it, for it is my body and it will be given up, for you Me: Insanley badass.
794LawAndOrderGal has entered JeansChat LEVIS_GAURDIAN: NEED A FUCKING DRAINAGE RIG THAT WONT SCALD MY THIGHS LawAndOrderGal has left JeansChat
795http://t.co/OFFawMWrbx
796(pitching the Michelin Man) hes this big white dipshit and people associate him with tires for some reason. he has no personality. no jokes
797the maligned Villains of my story., my ass and dick, are known to drive my readers the most wild and turbochagrge engagements & impressions
798founnd a cicada skin stuck to my nefarious pud
799i can only hope that when a kangaroo court of dipshits comes to haul me to prison that i have the grace and humility not to get mad at them
800the infamous millennials are more interested in (consults notepad) being nickeled and dimed by the tax man than (squints) distilling vinegar
801i know im a dumb ass for expecting a serious response from the chucklefuck brigade, but can someone please tell me if im circumcised or not
802im sorry to Wawa for attempting to behead myself in one of their restrooms. i promise to take the Wawa experience more seriously from now on
803SUCJK MY DICK http://t.co/cbU6JrAuDS
804"don't tread of me", the famous words of that good snake who doesn't want to get stepped on, the noble slithering bastard I relate to most
805alrigt jack asses. before you "Go In" on me, heres a quick recap of the jokes i invented: - Dogs (Anything mentioning them) - The Weed Fairy
806mods!! mods! one of those obscene low follower count boys stole a lick from the delicious lolly that Father bought me!! ah! how dreadful !
807now you see, what i like to do is consider my page to be a "No Frown Zone", because of the consistently good quality of my messages i put up
808#TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter im going to piss all over your car. for being a Writer.
809its disgusting to create the illusion on tv that animals are talking with cgi or otherwise. a disgraceful tactic
810suigh... this weeks Bone Head award goes, once again, to my ex-wife, who just bought a stupid ass looking refrigerator
811what is the best kind of acid to spray my own dick with as a joke
812Does anyone know how important is this. http://t.co/XLtJAtdnM2
813thank you all. your kind donations of $400000 will keep me alive for 1 more month, after being fired for looking at racist swords on my ipad
814evvery other Friday the sheriff guides me around the jailhouse and lets me expose myself to the villains, and thats #MyTGIF
815Bugs Bunny: B Elmer Fudd: A- Tweety Bird: F Daffy Duck: C+ Porky Pig: D+ Theyre the only ones i can think of right now. My hands are shaking
816sponsors are telling me not to post them. but idont give a fuck. im sick of being pushed around. this is my account & thats the bottom word
817im assigning a letter grade to all the looney tunes at 10:00PM EST sharp. this is a once in a lifetime event. please do not miss it
818my repulsive cohorts and I are searching the woods for tree sap so we can rub it all over our hands and improve our golf grip
819"Crowdpleasers"... Now these, I like
820just indignantly threw $799 gamer keyboard into koi pond because i got pissed off by the craze that is sweeping the nation known as Planking
821the adrenaline rush i get from posting gives me the energy to walk to the toilet, and the endorphins i get from shitting allow me to post
822w*akes up on the morning of july 18th 2015 sick and tired of Snooki and HoneyBooBoo* Wheres my damn nuke bomb...
823archaeologists 1000yrs from now are going to find my embalmed turds and assume they were part of some sacred ritual. NOpe im just a dumb ass
824trolls: Lets jerk off to the teletubbies and. barney me (to followers): Are u seeing this. Are you seeing thi s. Am i the only sane man left
825does anyone have any tips and tricks for someone about to own a Balcony. Can i take beer on it
826i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times
827on one hand $2000 will barely even cover the cost of my large amount of mansions. on the other hand i respect the wild flava brand immensely
828sell my account to "Wild Flava" () for $2000? this is perhaps the most difficult decision i;ll ever face . http://t.co/ZBYr8N6ZSR
829wow this 40lb bag of dog food is only $30... why do dogs get all the bargains
830my q uote of the season "Its almost summer time so lets hop in the pool"
831scarce, low quality content and an abundance of wrong opinions is the reason the cavemen went extinct. thats my beliefs bitch
832http://t.co/iaN723k0mo
833honey mustard likers... heres a one million dollar idea for you "honey ketchup"
834(sees no soliciting sign outside Wendy's) damn it!!! fuck! i really wanted to solicit to wendys!!
835just remember what it is we're all fighting fo.r... http://t.co/ucS2wcLgje
836When you "FAve" me, you are effectively throwing a " Treat " into my mouth
837CLICK ON MY POST 10000 TIMES IF YOU ARE WORKED UP OVER COMPUTERS
838i show up at the range wearing a t-shirt that says "I Wont Wear The Earplugs" and i m promptly directed back to my car by staff members
839*ffires 400 rounds at a piece of shit log until it slumps over* Take that adam landza
840ME: hey ed. whats good to shoot at the range today ED: Someone threw a big bag of packing peanuts out there. Its good to hit it with bullets
841always take my stagecoach full of pit bulls to the Range . because my girls love to watch me shoot
842iwant to be pummeled with carpet beaters by eastern european grandmas and make big awful clouds of dust
843THis is not a "Meltdown". Its a normal opinion
844THe Eagles is a team of football who i respect & admire. Their commitment to touchdowns is good. They are athletic when it comes to sports
845my page is a tornado of Slur's... my inbox is a viper pit of horseplay... my desktop is a Clown's Tent for bastards...
846every woman ivr ever spoken to would describe our correspondence as "Graceful"
847my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infants
848(bowed head solemnly rises from deep thought) Intellidgence is the strength of wisdom
849why'd there suffering in this world.................
850please everyone search for shit like "autism microchip" on youtube and look at all the thumbnails on their videos http://t.co/V25172FH5s
851if you like the band "Shinedown" you will love this video of me getting trounced by police officers while demanding to meet them
852#FreeSlurpeeDay they dont ever wash the slurpe machines. the cops found a shitty waynes world baseball cap inside one of them
853Frowning Principal Exposed To Beer Content On Time Line
854im the dip shit top replier who goes into every thread about someone being afraid of moving out and says "Dont forget to buy a plundger"
855never knew that anything was good or bad until i got on the computer, i had always assumed that everything was Average until i got yelled at
856the Ins & Outs of my ass; "Regarded As Low Quality" by famous Dr. House, in banned episode unfit for public consumption, Bullshit Bullshit.
857i will not close my account until the sport of golf is rightfully named "golfball" like the other ball sports
858there is no such thing as a baby animal. they are all adults from birth. sorry if my opinion offends you
859THinking of a "Boy's Day" of twitter..won't post specifics due to trolls, but basically all girls will nicely be asked to log out for 24hrs,
860im a reasonable mans son who thinks that putting a dash of venom into my favorite roast pork hoagie will make it Spicy instead of killing me
861well it goes to show you that the trolls will gladly stoop so low as to shit upon the #classiccombo of spaghetti& meatballs we all hold dear
862spaghetti and meatballs... now theres a #ClassicCombo
863every room in every home must have a Host
864i love to hover hand my gf in pictures. (gets Owned across various media) sorry. Sorry everyone. I forgot that was bad
865its me again, from the website. admit that the berenstain bears are for adults or i will strategically headbutt your father to death
866the "No Bullshit" award goes to this guy for being bossed around by gas station employees & giving them a poor review http://t.co/SRps5X8qaA
867http://t.co/XYrQaKTmq4
868Waiter, by the advice of the Chicago Tribune Id like a Dash of Ground Cumin on my Farm Fresh Egg. Oh! Too much! I withdraw this transaction,
869i think my goal in life is to start a football team named "The Baseball Preferrers" and our gimmick is to get as many penalties as possible
870(passes a man in a hardhat toiling over a roadside utility cabinet in 100 degree weather in my black convertible) Nice Fedora Dip Shit
871i absolutely deserve tax credit for offering my respectable toilet to government employees whenever i can
872It'd be an honor for you to use my toilet Mr. Mailman. I must make clear i dont intend to film you or collect your waste. My toilet is clean
873i offer my toilet to the mail man everyday. my toilets not good enough for the big important mailman apparently. mailman is a bad job anyway
874"Durr michelob ulta would taste the same if it had a turd in it" -Suppressive Persons with little on their mind but mischief and mayhem
875commercial idea for Michelob Ultra—a bumbling imbecile ransacks his apartment to find the guy who took a dump in his glass of michelob ultra
876Have you ever wanted to click X on a bastard
877#NewFastFoods Fast bread
878you pick up some political cartoon paper & see a shitty grave drawing captioned with "Burt Be-Gone" and its intended to be respectful & nice
879soirry. i didnt know retweeting "fuck lobsterfest" would make me lose 200 followers. ive learned my lesson so feel free to follow me again
880phaw!! 2am!.. time to go hit the hay (jacks off and comes back ot the computer)
881the boys are enjoying their fave jukebox when ths sarge steps in SARGE: TURN OFF THE DAMN JUKE BOX! ITS WAR ME: Fuck u sarge. The armys crap
882if you don't know how to use a Lathe you deserve to eat dog shit
883just deleted 23,000 tweets at the request of Sbarro. feeling Purified
884if you odn't subscribe to every last one of my vague, yet cocksure beliefs regarding the Portuguese , i will never make eye contact with you
885rodent website
886if youre one of the guys who blocked me on here, i Forgive you, and im ready for you to unblock me now.
887people get mad at me when i riff on Current Events so ill just say this. im enjoying cooking turds on the grill regardless of what day it is
888im startingmy own version of bill maher's "new rules" called "Good rules". It's going to fucking suck
889im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me http://t.co/wbpeGpu7JI
890long horn steakhouse should not refuse to honor my coupons just because theyre wet http://t.co/zODZEYLQkY
891unban me from college http://t.co/q57sgQ1uxi
892"Litter Box Fucker" AUDIENCE: (LAughing already) WORKING CLASS JOE: Im going to fuck the litter box now. AUDIENCE: AWuooo! Hoo hoo!
893DVD: FBI WARNING Me: oh boy here we go DVD: The board advises you to have lots of fun watching this Hollywood movie Me: Ah.. It's a nice one
894yes sir. im sorry sir. (hangs up) that was the mayor of reddit. he wants this account spick and span of dick jokes before the handover
895Geting my dick sucked in Unreal Engine 4. Flushing toilet in Unreal Engine 4. Having shit beat out of me by greasers in Unreal Engine 4. Wow
896The jokes, Ladies and gentlemn. The jokes
897entire bullshit of gas prices deconstructed by large boy who is partial towards treating him self
898i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one hockey match. goalie vs goalie in the frozen arena. three pucks
899click that fave button if i did good.
900listen here blues traveler. pretty much all musicians travel you dumb ass. you should name your band "blues redundant guy"
901pleae check this out: Hostler Magazine
902Nobody Checks My Son For Head Lice With Out Getting Past My Police Issue Hollow Point Smith & Wesson Which Gives Everyone It Shoots Leukemia
903" If U like a good song I wont steer ya wrong Cocaine Its Got guitar and drums So please listen to some Cocaine "
904and folks.. we cant forget aobut Tennis Shoes (Audience boos.) Are you Tennis, or are you shoes? Who'd'y'a'think'ya're ? (Applause)
905http://t.co/4KmDhnBsjp
906just meeting up with one of my real life friends; pictured here. http://t.co/JgYf0Q0IAN
907ive trademarked the term "The guy who fucks up" so if you see someone else using it pleaase stick my Fair Use brochures to their car
908The dog days of summer,. Its the dog days of summer everyone (Flapping gums aboutn othing, doesnt know what dog day is, knows he fucked up)
909replying to massive amounts of flagrant screwball tweets with words like "Tedious" followed by a period
910donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon
911always looking for exicting new up and comers in the realm of breathtaking digital online content to block
912what can i say. my hatres are my motivators (gets pic of nude man covered in syrup sent to inbox) FUCk. Please stop
913doing my Civic Duty (evading tax's) while laughing at trolls threatenning to do arson to my house
914MarioGodKenneth is stuck in israeli prison again and ive received $0 in donations towards his bail.
915do not shorw me your mystifying cowboy slurs at this point and time http://t.co/7pCPUNdFXT
916ssure. ill concede that this landmark decision is a step in the right direction. BUt people who pre-order games are still getting swindled .
917http://t.co/H9mFWPhmO4
918What can i say. WHen its the game of politics, its open season on everyone who has entitled and ignorant views of opinions. No filter
919dont talk to me of trade agreement when the only thing we can agree of is that charlatans & mad hatters have overrun the waushington office.
920any one who posts snark of my dear friend Bobby Jingle gets the head blowqn off shot gun style and is not allowed to have a real grave .
921dictating some more nice posts to my keyboard boy while my wife straps me to the big spinning crross
922this would be Twitter, a Web site for fu&%in' adults. Yeah
923committing unforgivable crimes against nautre in my laboratory ,trying to create the next genetically discombobulated meme animal
924DIVORCE GURU: gaming is a right, not a privilege. remember that always. ME: Thank you divorce guru
925. http://t.co/iHzeWAxTPz
926im not going to eat mcdonalds becuase bacteria refuse to break it down. instead ill eat the food bacteria love the most: raw chicken & turds
927now youve done it, teens. the official mr bean account is closing because you all kept calling him dad
928limiting the thursday nite rant to one day of the week ... its just not good for gthe brand
929people are telling me that i have no right to post the thursday nite rant on a tuesday. SCREAMING it to me
930how come nobody ever helps me when im playing team foot ball. i beg for the other players to help me and they refuse to #theThursdayNiteRant
931;i help girls now
932youll all be glad to know that my soul has undergone some much needed healing after i apologized for the earthquakes which killed thousands.
933my "Ass Ceremony" is solely to blame for all thre bad earthquakes. if i knew it would have caused the earthquakes i would not have done it.
934"before we begin todays ball game, userwould like a few words on Dairy Queen" the audience boos as i traipse the field in my tiny car
935http://t.co/s8KMF9tlXy you will pry it from my cold muscular hands, fucker
936guess what. i have the brain of a Human. i have a Human's brain
937oculus allows you to smoke wii remote like a cigar and blow heaps of smoke in celebs faces
938beautiful e3 conference from the Police. THreatened to trap all crooks. Spinning handcuffs around. Elaborate boot play. No games to announce
939digging thorugh all the trash cans and dumpsters at e3 in search of condoms containing genetically superior gamer cum
940dont !!!! http://t.co/EKGe69SRrL
941(POsturing like a dip shit at the public pool) My father owns no small number of shares at the smirnoff ice company. Let me be the lifeguard
942(in forced toughguy voice ) What the fuck is a clove of garlic. Around here we call it piece of garlic
943Shut the fuck up http://t.co/Zf89wVtyco
944I hate the really small salt shakers and long for the times when we owould be inclined to more often use the big salt shakers at restaurants
945#MyDreamCarWouldHave a big ass i could fuck
946http://t.co/jFaLmP7y6W
947painting an exquisite 12 foot mural of martin luther king jr dressed as a cop, entitled "The Dream Realised", to prove im not racist at last
948llove "Driving Um Wild" with my trade mark wrong opinions
949*does something fucking stupid or embarrassing in between tthe asterisks and doesnt expect anyone to wonder why im typing it out* im normal,
950Im Very Upset with girls *impossibly low-res bikini babe robo-posting about heartworm meds follows me* Just kidding. Im only mad at the boys
951out with dentists, in with mouth gurus
952evolution of doritos: cool ranch --> cooler ranch --> cool ranch again --> epitome ranch --> lousy ranch --> apotheosis ranch --> shit ranch
953some names for potential new nintendos, after the super nintendo: the good nintendo, the nice nintendo, the helpful nintendo; more to come
954#SeedPig for podunk nit wit
955((pulls gun out in bank) NObody MOVE OR ILL BPLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF (empties a shit load of free lollipops & dog biscuits into big jeans
956The Brand Ayatollah
957gaining a new followefr.. that, to me, is a real "A-Ha!" moment
958Let it be known that I am the sole proprietor of the "Ren Stimpfani" joke, and that all attempts to replicate it are for the garbage can.
959alright netheads, Click the damn window out. Go outside. Mnake a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato slice. "Thank me later"
960stop flooding the #stolenvalor hashtag with army man shit and only use it to report plagiarizedDril content, please and thank you
961too much pressure from society saying we all got to learn how to self suck. iwill never self suck my dick and im unfollowing anyone who does
962The Two Steaks Bastard . http://t.co/PZp9TpN1Vs
963http://t.co/JGe62Vk0Qg
964im seated down, and Ready to get pissed off.........
965(i descend from the heavens) I'm uh, netflix is good (i go back up to heaven)
966ah folks i do delcare i am a dumb ass southern gentle man who wouldnt know a re tweet from a ragdoll in this court room to-day
967Well, it'd better damn friday
968special thank you to that one guy who is really upset about some marco rubio incest joke i made on here and keeps sending me scary emails
969shutterstock has hit hte concept of "A young atheist" out of the damn park with this one. bravo http://t.co/YXstO2Snho
970theres a 3rd babe movie where he turns into a human at the end. beautifully done scene. the pigs dream comes true. the government Blocked it
971(after hearing the library has games , i arrive at the front desk, disguised as a non-gamer) er.. im here for some.. book's
972Hhm, Nope http://t.co/6B7hfKNPWu
973DisgruntledStepSon
974university lost accreditation when nickelodeon slimed the dean, degree is useless, 200000 in debt & back in diapers, love getting ass kicked
975prince hussein...wheres my goodboy bailout
976my annual "Cum tribute" to the Ford Focus will no longer be archived in the library of congress due to partisan gridlock and meddling taxmen
977sen larry craig(R): DuRr I have a wide stance Me: Cmon. If this guys for real. Then I got a bridge to sell ya.. and I just ran outta bridges
978TWITTER APP: THree different guys you know just faved the same damn tweet. This is breathtaking. What are the odds ME: please locate my wife
979ME: waiter...give me a shitty joe WAITER: (wow..this guy just ordered a sloppy joe in a bad ass way i never heard before. powerful move.) Ok
980cold butter popcorn. tjust throwing that one out there
981[UmbrageLiker has joined the chat] PleasantBoy: GET HIM OUT OF HERE NiceKeeper: NOT ON MY WATCH KindBarber: FUCK OFF ! Helper: THIS IS AWFUL
982i got in the newspaper twice. once for my good posts, and once for screaming while still in the womb somehow
983"the online web. truly a touching testament to the power of... deeply Human connections." -what Abe Lincoln would say if he were alive still
984ill take.. the whole damn lot !!!!!! http://t.co/wkIMOvWaeJ
985telling secretary to hold my calls so i can spend some time lookinh at girls' avatars with a loupe
986accidentally severed my spine due to some bogus info i received on the computer
987Unamused by trash behaviour .
988i fairly tend to use "Sarchasm" to destroy liars mentally, and if that's not yiur cup of tea, i have the 2 words for you which is Suck it !!
989horseplay is morally indefensible
990howling james dean lookalikes circling their choppers around me, swinging chains while i sit in the gravel and borwse the nintendo 3ds eshop
991Sword's. The only blade known to man
992if i wasnt constantly debilitated from online-induced stress i could probably kick off the ass of any guy on here
993another thing that fuckin sucks is the gerber baby
994ME: why am i just the man for the job? lets see. i love hamburgers, i love to help, HAMBURGER HELPER CEO: Leave these hallowed halls at once
995im all about getting out there and putting the posts up like im bad outta hell
996http://t.co/XDq6MLh18u
997I will be your Father. I will take you as my Son and teach you the ways of online. We will hold hands as our follower count reaches infinity
998Sigh. Mistakes were made, folks. http://t.co/oYZyEXbeUl
999this account is now 100%, fully unbridled, Racist. Fuck you !!! http://t.co/iqDjFXJoQH
1000my reaction when people react to pictures of my reaction when im reacting to something good http://t.co/N0wsIZfLOS
1001plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits
1002do not tell my friend/colleague feld how to make his fucking posts. hes a really good account & ahs been suffering from bedbugs
1003http://t.co/xOU9BurIja
1004i ruminate over a scrapbook full of middle finger pics to keep myself demure, respectful and humble. "i deserve these", i utter shitheadedly
1005tge nicest thing about me is i have excessively dry balls which basically start flaking apart like a piece of strudel whenever I walk around
1006james bond learns how to do cartwheels from a wise eskimo on top of mt. everest and uses them to roll through a nuclear blast unscathed
1007"thw word 'good'... when you hear it, you're almost guaranteed something nice" - TheTrendingBoy
1008kfc commercial idea: a man is trying to get into kfc but he is too small to reach the door handle. he tries and tries and nobody helps him
1009workshopping some atrocious new kfc slogans "My oh my, The taste of it" "Kfc its a boys thing kfc" "aah!! Munch" "Help me get to kfc" "Hubba
1010i want "Damn KFC" nearly most of all the time !!! if it's not "Damn KFC" ill drop it like a sack of fuckin potatos !!!!
1011me and my laywer are discussing possible challenges that may arise from me asking a net girl to run me over with her car while i "pound off"
1012FOlks, please, do not hesitate to send me twitter content before you publish it, so i can tell you if it's acceptable, or if it's bull shit
1013TWITTER: our records sjow..youre the least blocked guy here. 0 mutes ME: spectacular. Truly, truly miraculous. This is a sign.. to post more
1014listen., pal, if you think im the kind of guy who doesnt wipe his ass, you're barkin up the wrong tree. my ass needs all the help it can get
1015ENJOYING BOND MMO?? JUST CRAFTED SOME REMARKABLE BOND GEAR WHILE YOU WERE BUSY TRYING TO FUCK THE NPCS WITH THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER JAME BONDS
1016world record: stupid ass hole drinks cup of coffee underwater
1017ARMY: your nickname reflects poorly on us all. we're changing it to something like "raven" or "switchknife" ME: no. "hostage killer" is good
1018Who Ever Left Their Pear Here. Come Get Your Pear http://t.co/6JIgZKrxYS
1019playing Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training (2006, NDS) 15mins a day gives me, i believe, the edge required to successfully deflect troll attacks
1020maybe the ski mask guy who blasted the "Doge" dog across the room like a rag doll.. maybe he was all of us. my opinion. unfollow if u must.
1021REVIEW- EROTIC SILHOUETTE MUD FLAPS - 1 STAR: piece of shit. drags behind my Honda Accord and gets messed up. too long. not wortg the hassle
1022the dog from "Doge".. was assassinated today.. at the Pittsburgh Marriott durinng a "Meet & Greet".. point blank with a sniper rifle.. Weird
1023Houly shit !!! The posts just keep on coming
1024"Worthless" county treasurer in hot water after releasing list of famous cartoon apes he would like to fuck
1025DontWantNoBullShit. DontWantNoBullShit
1026think im going to start incorporating the word "Gadzooks" into more of my tweets, to punish my followers, for their constant insolence,
1027lumbering dick head told off by albertsons cart boy for trying to siphon gas from a moped while dressed like a blues brother
1028chaplain era silent motion pictures where basically the first subbed anime . click to read more
1029this guy was driving around with a decal of calvin pissing on nothing in particular. you missed the point entirely wwith this baffling setup
1030i did it. i posted like a fucking cartoon character instead of a human for 7 years and finally got my free light bulb http://t.co/zuoezdz5bK
1031get this fellas. i just doxxed MetalGearEric and his real name is: Ted Staircase. he lied about being an eric and his last name is staircase
1032whether its that Hot rock N' roll or Cool jazz, well we can know what the one thing is that we all can agree on, is that it is "Pretty good"
1033my idea for a car, is that it looks like a normal car., but right next to the steering wheel Blammo. theres a hose you can suck beer out of
1034bastard, http://t.co/z1UcEH9Ebt
1035floks... whether you're young or old: Star wors. Does it every time
1036(in slick Dennis Miller cadence) guh,
1037ah! ive had my ass put to the terrible kingdom of hell, also known as "the devils playpen", and also "Satans Playpen"
1038im out here in the yard trying to clean up my turds with a hair brush
1039one of my neighbors kicked my big flaming barrel of shit and piss over & spilled burning waste all over my yard just because im an irish man
1040#UNELECTABLE !! #DEADWRONG !! #MarcoRubio #TeamRubio #Rubio2016 http://t.co/5dONoyRGnk
1041(to women at party) Im probably the top most crapped-on guy at twitter. My options get trashed constantly and Im best fit to shut my mouth.
1042folks.. when isay I'm "Getting my nails done", im talking being hammered to the cross, by those infamous trolls we all think poorly of,
1043reduced my weight gain goal to 300 lbs at the advice of my doctor
1044a social network to help cops with dirty boots meet browbeaten civilians who want to Spit`s shine the boots for free.. my one true vision
1045"Stick It" to the bastards of Washington using this hot new WendysTrick: Bigtime WendyScam for Nonviable Bun Bargain; Pitiful & Effective
1046Hunter S. Quiznos
1047bblast my dick with Pet Dander
1048good news folks, today i dreamt about buying Furniture w/my girl followers so i punished myself by slamming the toilet lid on my fat fingers
1049this weeks "Mother Fucker" award goes to BabePigMovieMan for saying my dick looks "Crumpled up like a napkin"
1050(listening to a wolf howl off in the distance) do you hear that. thats the sound of another fav star trophy in the bag
1051Nmot a single one of you has given me your account password so i can make posts about top airfare deals on your behalf, especially the girls
1052for $500, i'll follow oyu on here and steal your best posts. this is an excellent way to get your foot in the door if you ask me
1053the Digimon Otis peace treaty will hence be frozen in piss and thrown onto the freeway where itll shatter into one million despicable pieces
1054Fuck Otis. I will never follow a bastard such as this.
1055thbe new Digiman game looks like shit for children& 2015 will NOT herald the Digiman renaissance tht Otis desparately needs to stay relevant
1056Well, the time has come. But before I officially grant DigimonOtis the covetedfollow, I would like to say a few words.
1057The ceremony will begin at 12:00 EST, wherein DigimonOtis shall unblock my account, and I will Follow him, officially ending this turmoil.
1058pleased to announce, on the april of 9th, that i have signed a Truce with DigimonOtis, ending a feud that has persisted over several years .
1059Whua?? No sponsorship disclaimer? no my friends. im saying all of these things for free, because i need to
1060enjoy your hot burger while children Piss freely in the colorful plastic tubes mere inches from your dinner, watch it flow down the slide
1061"Soda is back" Only at Mcdonald
1062the new meat ball sub's sandwich at mc donalds is a home run and between you and me the taste is sensational and almost good
1063do not show me this http://t.co/8GE5bvWIEb
1064i''ll peruse the web at my own damn leisure and thats a fact jack
1065yknow folks, not many things tell you theyre good right there in the name, so if you see things like Good Friday or Goodfellas i say Take It
1066going nuclear on smart asses today, with the block button, Whilst enjoying my normal life with a cup of Porter Brew and eating Main Lobster.
1067whicghever media wizards decide what you all are currently angry about should consider the grievous crap of people putting mustard on bagels
1068((restrained by cops and forced to watch a man put mustard on a bagel) nno!! you're ruining it! That's quality bakedgoods
1069i am a cot and pickin "tells it like it is "son of a bitch
1070a visit.. from the easter man http://t.co/qK6xCdUeOU
1071"Why should there be only one good friday. Let's try our best to make all the Fridays good. Thank you" -a quote i invented which made me cry
1072some times it takes a little bit of Free thinking to be able to look at the bull shit of the world to step back and say "Damn What the hell"
1073ME: These days everyone wants to suck their smart phones dick if u ask me. HIPSTER: Is that a new feature? ME: ((making bitter beer fsce)
1074my plan of my walk of life is always making one million smackers (dollars) to get rich, and to pick up all the money I find on the floor
1075im the reddit guy hwo ranted about an existential crisis i had after realizing all of jeff foxworthys "you might be a redneck" jokes were me
1076wghen other people do jokes, they get the big buzz feed office, allowed to kiss girls,etc, but when i do it im treated like a Crook. typical
1077you know what. im dropping the subject and going outside to sip some cool lemonade. Enjoy your circle jerlk
1078look at the calender. I'm not explaining this further
1079its a joke you nit wits. Fuck all of you
1080ah ! your feeds going to blowup! loug out, quick!! http://t.co/OCJLGgEB1i
1081dont try to tell me it's spelled "clarence"./ i will not be april's fool
1082forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet
1083the trolls: please Followback, and also Yolo me: HUh?? Shit for brians? Whuuuaa?? Egads. Homina Homina. Sweet Baby Crap. You're a fool
1084real_damn_fairly_misanthropic_red_m_and_m
1085if anoyne sees a blue thermos on I-95 that is a container of Stress Vomit my wife threw out of the car and i need to show it to my doctor
1086daily reminder to wrap your Shit in tin foil before flushing so it doesnt touch other people's shit
1087coax me into the toilet like a big bu g
1088one more. good night http://t.co/BaZQ2mC5Do
1089auh yeah ! !! http://t.co/FLU9MRb5dn
1090CLERK: Do you have your reward card ME: Absolutely I do not. I shan't be taking money out of the hands of Best Buy using insidious exploits.
1091clown college is bnot a real place. it is a location imagined by trolls so they can claim that i'm from there or that i should go there.
1092funny that s.bucks suddenly wants to talk about race right after they throw me & my 7 service dogs out of their restaurant for being White
1093EEEEYYYYAAAAGGGGHHHH !!!! MY ASS ....
1094lost in the Maze... http://t.co/KaDXJo6Twp
1095scrolling down my feed..lauguhing my ass off at my own trade mark "Knee Slappers", my mouth stuffed with bread making beastly noises
1096how do people know how big their dicks are. is there an online quiz you can take
1097im at the point in my life where i cant relate to any popular fictional characters unless they use massive amounts of hair gel and steriods
1098109 year old man attributes long life to uncircumcised dick, no vaccines,
1099sorry bartender. if i order the wrong beer the trolls will have a field day. lets play it safe. fiji water for me, with a Hint of pepsi
1100at around 36:29 in the steve harvey fleshlight vid you can see a single tear rolling down his cheek, crying for the lost souls watching him
1101the steve harvey fleshlight vid now officially has more views than the critically acclaimed masterwork "Boyhood". we can do better people
1102once again i will take the path of honor, i will pledge NOT to watch the steve harvey fleshlight vid, no matter how good everyone says it is
11033 reasons to join the jackinf off without a condom movement: 1) Its good 2) Its free to join it 3) You dont need a condom to jack off
1104you see this..? *taps computer monitor with finger* this is not just a bunch of mixed up numbers and digits. this is a kingdom of Minds..
1105im he nice man.. who celebrates all the saints who DOnt have holidays... and not just 1 day a year.. #Bless
1106about 90% sure i just saw a dog tossing garbage out of the back seat of someone's car
1107im a pleased as punch spoon-fed bitch and thats a bottom line
1108nothing like pouring a fresh bag of kitty litter down the ass crack after another liberating diarrhea shit
1109pplease let me join mensa. my IQ is essentially, zero, but i have very good, clean hands
1110bbeing passively aggressively retweet trolled by half wits & their beautiful girl friends just makesme say "Not before ive had damn coffee."
1111all young men Must be fitted for a good Italian suit, ideally by age 4. i will not fucking apologize or back down from this
1112http://t.co/f5cQXmKS7Q
1113Why am i smilin tonight fellas? Just got my hands on that new good treat to sip known only as simply "Bber".
1114concerned about people posting false lunches. lying about the food they ate on here. fraud meals. please start putting the receipts up
1115humbly Genuflecting myself before my girl followers, at the end of another red-letter sunday night on the comptuer
1116fuckin online fuckin idiots
1117hu... now im a man who likes his garlic butter.. let me tell you. in fact, im prone to saying that regular butter needs to step it up a tad,
1118http://t.co/MiiFexb5VC
1119its true. my father owned slaves in the 1980s but he has since apologized & been forgiven with love and support. he's a nice man now.
1120phenomenal http://t.co/OcgIteRKEL
1121the 1st rule of my twiter account is read my posts with an open mind,. the 2nd rule is the fight club rules. the 3rd rule is simply Have Fun
1122the other son wipes his ass too much. goes thrugh absurd amounts of tissue & has effectively thrown any respect for my household to the Dogs
1123my 35 year old son is howling because he clogged the toilet without using any toilet paper again. the neighborhood despises my howling boy
1124tokyo of nippon. the big apple. it is here i will forge my destiny selling printouts of my most Fucked Up posts. i sip off my beer cup & nod
1125do the " Macarana "? Ha. No thanks
1126i highly suggest using hash tag #HuckleGate if you're a Journo who wants to print my tougjh but fair opinions regarding huckle berry hound
1127huckleberry hound... talk about someone who needsto get his act together, pronto
1128judge dredd kicks the doors of the wtc mosque wide open and says "Well this looks like a big bunch of crap to me "
1129please hire me as an actor if any of you are filming a movie or somr shit. my forte is making extremely comical faces while being strangled
1130the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit
1131"There is something to be said for being able to bring that Wow factor., into mediums that make use of Social. Mm. Just incredible" -Dril
1132Mountan Dew Cold Red check it out
1133I.m taking a break from people who think it is good to make a fool of me for drama purposes. Basically dont look at my page until im not mad
1134sign em off log em out log em out sign em off sign em off log em out Raw Hide (whip noise,)
1135When and Rome... http://t.co/YBxppRfCMH
1136Gotta See This: tenets & facets of sears tyrannical mattress return policy ridiculed Skeptically by man with more than enough to eat at home
1137the bastard of downloads
1138you know what. im going to just come out and say it. i think that we should let the geico geckco go into hospitals & entertain the bedridden
1139when your feeding trough is clear of Debris.. that is the shit i like to happen
1140the cold damn truth of it is that all of your dads have probably owned slaves at some point. im sorry but that is just simply the true shit.
1141christ... just suddenlty hit with the realization that what im doing here is truly important. . thst behind each "Impression".. is a smile..
1142please follow my dril page
1143need 800 more dollars to keep the unofficial "$h*! My Dad Says" tv show wiki up and running for another month, yiou fucking worthless toads,
1144let's leave politics in the hog pen and debate the real shit, like which 90yr old restaurant owner invented the original chicken cheesesteak
1145then they donate the hair to corrupt criminal organizations isntead of mixing it w/ rotten fruit & feeding it to the dogs, as wa s customary
1146aand barbers had such good names then too,. like "Floyd " or "Erasmus". now they have bad names like "bozo the clown" and "nazi"
1147back in the nice days, youd go to th e barbershop and theyd serve you a full seven course meal during your haircut. not like today my friend
1148Biber done it http://t.co/BoroyIDfN9
1149#ThingsIWontApologizeFor eating dog shit out of the toilet like a low down snake in the grass
1150im the guy who asked the baten kaitos forum if i should bring a condom to hooters
1151Here http://t.co/GoG1naHYtF
1152basicly a sniper rifle that can switch gears and turn into a baseball bat if the situaiton demands it. an armymans ultimate tool
1153i was once known on youtube as Epic "PLease stop recording me" Man., now im top influencer Gary Faves, making $500 a year posting from home
1154my friends, theres nothing i enojy more than a capsule of beer , while tasting beer with other 18-34 year olds, at the beer store
1155justl had to unfollow about six people for tweeting during the official Beggin Strips Moment of Silent Reflection
1156please remember that im in charge of this website before you try to drag some toughguy shit all over my good page
1157cmon peopl now smile on your gamers everuybody get together try to do good with your Gamers right now
1158the twilight zone episode where the guy blocks everyone on twitter and becomes startled and bewildered when no one is left to give him favs,
1159THIngs other people like: being bastards, being Uniformly tasteless THINGS I Like: Being reasonably kind, and trying to help, when i can
1160vvvvvvv U see that shit?? That`s what we call in the business "Another satisfied custoumer". Locked down.
1161CollegeHater: Ur arms aren't getting enough sunlight CollegeHater: Did u use the cream I sent u CollegeHater: Ur dead. At the flagpole. 3pm
1162the dress Color? (grins Intelligently at the hell about to be unleashed upon naive content consumers) its brown, because i wipe my ass of it
1163ME: Sorry. i must turn down your offer to join the Mafia, as itd disappoint my friends on twitter THE MAFIA:The Mafia respects your decision
1164ISIS MAN: It's Jim from Montana... He says ISIS should "Cool it" and that we're "Crooks" ISIS CHIEF: Damn. Were finished. Dismantle the nuke
1165Eatinh a 26 dollar hoagie.
1166Retweets Against Adam Lanza
1167hell no i wont wear a sleeping cap. what the fuck is that shit. how does a hat help you go to sleep. looks like, a Fools hat.
1168I shoudl. Just bring back the fucking TexMexBoy shit. Thats all im good for
1169It didnt work. Leave it
1170mn http://t.co/HkVui2Qpao
1171"If it doesn't have that ZING , it ain't Tex-Mex." - TheTexMexBoy
1172"You don't know Jack, unless you know Pepper Jack ." - TheTexMexBoy
1173"dinner portions.. for lunch? Absolutely. Absolutely." -TheTexMexBoy
1174"I love the name of honor, more than I fear death." -me to my boss after he found a picture of me with a big shit stain on my sweatpants
1175they should rename twitter .com "the dignity website", because i swell with pride when i think of the 200,000+ things ive posted on here
1176sylvestetr the cat: sufferin succotash! Terry Schiavo was murdered
1177if you go to a nascar rally carrying a clipboard and wearing a hard hat people will just let you go on the track and kiss all the good cars
1178and the final word i leave all of you pitiful cowards upon this sinful night is "Truth".. hold it clos.e.. use it.. thank you
1179i was uninvited from the oscars for trying to sell "oscars brand bear bile" to everyone who stopped their car for me while i fake hitchhiked
1180oscars for exrtraordinarily subversive, insightful, online textual Musings?? unsoiled by MOneymen?? Thats what my shit particularly would be
1181my son got on my tablet and posted something truly unworthy of the institution of oscars but i wont delete it because theyre his first words
1182.,. <<<<< THATS MY DICL #Oscars2015
1183Duty And Honor http://t.co/PCizXLGG9N
1184A Man's Sense of integirty. http://t.co/FXRYPFVnMG
1185laying in the car, hiding firom my malicious Wife because im in trouble for buying too many toothpicks to fit into the tooth pick holder
1186tried to make an fps in the 90s but i only got as far as naming the difficulty levels "YA MOMMAS BOY", "PUKE" and "TURN THE GAME OFF DIPSHIT
1187took some pics of my new satellite dish, but im not posting them until hatred annd cynicism are eradicated
1188youve heard of the trail of tears, well, if the boys in the white house had their way it would be the trail of taxes, and we;d get the shaft
1189every one always says they would use x-ray goggles to look at womens asses and get horny and wild. Not me. I would use them to help doctors
1190everyone cuts their arms and legs off in the future because all you have to do is say "computer fetch me my Posts" and itll do it
1191Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)
1192if i ever accidentally posted something relatable or good enough to trick you into following this account, i truly apologize. im crying also
1193sand blast my damn ass or go to pig piss cop hell
1194man encased in lethal amounts of body oil and skin bronzer preserved for thousands of year.s.. beautiful
11951) My finger nails are clean 2) Sorry that i fucking use my hands to work for a living & dont care about finger nails 3) Peastebin incoming
1196requesting hand critiques. please be honest , but fair http://t.co/3vecQz6R6q
1197if any of oyu crude boys want to come after me *room lights up revealing collection of r/c helicopters behind my outspread arms* be my guest
1198Ghuph,.Being called a "Bastard" on here by someone with a sexually explicit avatar is the bigguest laugh ive had on this website since 2014.
1199i accept all your apologies you sad mother fuckers. YOu all have a lot of work to do when it comes to critiquing my meme style. Foul animals
1200my good new plan is to aquire a storefront, name it "please dont come in here" and jack off inside of it, alone, until i run out of money
1201ready to help all cops . http://t.co/MH6vcCqH5h
1202question my alligence to the dod damn twitter website and get swiftly block buttoned to childish hell, nincompoopts
1203as a Parent.. the thought of somebody attacking my sons with some sort of weapon, is just not good to me
1204fellas. do n't forget to do something special for that lady in your life on valentine's day! none of you deserve love http://t.co/AqlOp59emz
1205hoping for that big promotion from mounted, tormented beast to rodeo clown
1206doctor: i can say with absolute certainty that if you do one more weird trick youll die me: CAPTAIN TIGER's Miracle Corn. LOok it up bastard
1207im a journelist now. gi;ve me free monster engery or ill Eviscerate you
1208my godfather died of urine poisoning while cleaning out a mcdonalds playplace tube and that's why drama makes me upset
1209please dont make whimsy of the popes ass while I am on-feed. ive more inportant things to do than indulge myself in hearsay of the popes ass
1210may the wind carry my tweets and soothte the sick, the wounded, the downtrodden of both man & beast, across the savage shit earth of trolls,
1211JUDGE: i'll commute 10 yrs from ur sentence if you kiss my gavel ME: no. i will do the time i deserve and thats the truth and also nuff said
1212im the good man whorespects his followers, i respect the artistriy of tweeting and i respect my girl followers also. nuff said dip shit
1213my critics say that my unconventional ass wiping techniques are no good. that i am seriously wounding my ass. that my ass is dirty. bastards
1214apparel, http://t.co/eqWudCeNX1
1215im probably going to post more messages on here soon so please don't unfollow me
1216catching a ton of flak for my "how to fuck a Cadbury egg" web log series. sorry dim wits. your dick needs to be really small for it to work
1217if youre looking for good movies about grease, do not watch the nmovie "grease", because you will get swindled
1218sometimes i think thnings would be easier if i would just bite the bullet and relinquish my real name for my meme name, "epic Couch Bitch"
1219shocking: "racism is the light of my soul. racism is the air that i breathe, and racism is what i like." -RacismMario
1220pass the savings onto me mother fucker
1221Q: Dear , friend to all online. Do Good people die? A: Good people absolutely do not die, and you have bveen blocked for asking me this
1222# i will never bring dishonuor to the web by lowering my self to the point of placating the lowest common denominator witht "Joke" or "Gags"
1223dr phil disciplines 2 year old toddler demon hog with cow boy boots live on crackle
1224^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ <<<<< The Web Site Of Rat People >>>>>> VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
1225I'll nmever click on anything. Never
1226marked for death after lays used my idea for steroid flavored potato chip and put my god damn name and location on the bag
1227i just hacked into the church and made god REal
1228im still noob after all these years, after 20 years of the computer im still noob, unbelievable
1229the secret fruit that oprah eat`s to become more psychic can now be ordered "ONLINE"
1230for my money.. nothin hits the spot quite like Food, or Drink
1231(in highly rational and cool voice) i have the higher follower count than them. i wiont let them undermine me
1232favorite crood haver , online now
1233thte content man fails once again, and walks home to get trash talked by his 34-year old son who refuses to eat anything without ketchup
1234like this if youre one of the 3% of teens who remembers when music was just guys saying "my name is kid rock" over and over
1235becoming a meme after confessing that i left my gf at a 5 star restaurant to spray my dick with compressed air taught me the pain of Slavery
1236cyber bullied at k mart
1237ill come on to the computer when i damn like to, and ill post what i damn want to, and thats the facts of it
1238my style
1239football?? Pfuh. while you sweathogs are pounding off to grievous injury porn i'll be experiencing life at the car wash, with shorter lines
1240on March 14th 2011, user "AIDS_Wanter" maliciously paraphrased my alt-luit witticism regarding birdseed which turns into birds, when planted
1241TIME: Why arent you live tweeting the big game. Why ME: id never forgive myself if i killed someone by pushing vital info off of their feed.
1242im NOT going to live tweet the damn super ball game, and im NOT going to respond to any DMs asking why. i care about the integrity of Feeds
1243looking to get on some rowdy boys bad sides tonight mother fucker.
1244sex worship i;s a mental condition that is worse than liking the super bowl
1245the professional youtube reaction man who pays me $3 an hour to scrawl his account name on the walls of womens toilets just died of cholera
1246aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals
1247DICK DOCTOR: have you been using protection ME: yes. i put an entire towel in my ass
1248seems like nowadays are more like nowadays than they were thenadays and thenadays were less like nowadays than they were thenadays, nowadays
1249in talks with twitter execs to make my account unblockable, and also Worse
1250glue man here, poking in to this site. big glue guy. just seeking atlanta house wife, miss Right Lady, to Glue me, to the glue
1251just enjoying a noticable uptick in Favs and Followeres ever since my sworn enemy, Osama bin Laden, was brutally murdered in his rumpus room
1252to my hawaiian pen pal from like 4th grade; sorry for sending you a pinecone. if someone sent me a pine cone in the mail i'd beat their ass
1253ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote's son FOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some level AGAINST: one of them is a dog
1254appreciating every post online is akin to acquainting oneself w/ each earthly grain of sand..and i absolutely intend to do both these things
1255like i always say; sewage is just shit in a pipe
1256big pharma. if youre reading this i have an idea for a pill that makes you tinier so you can fit into secret zones. i will let you invent it
1257another Twisted observation—Where the fuck does cinnamon come from. it just appears on food sometimes. Do people buy it at the store or what
1258ap,. http://t.co/BEbnsYQIxE
1259Ha ha ha its me. It's me. Yeah, good jok.e. No http://t.co/DOAzn9hPys
1260my ass is out again,. this time at the opera house. "no wifi!! turn on the wifi!!" i yell from the balcony. im trying to shit but i cant
1261Comments off until the children go to bed.
1262hakuna mycoffee. .. #Understandable http://t.co/ORl5m3zi50
1263shocking wiki leak #WikiLeaks #ObamaChewingGum http://t.co/dxM6K316S2
1264Clown Disregarder
1265me when theres not enoujgh fuckin coffee or beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://t.co/yiPkkqO1rl
1266looking to spice up my marriage with pg13 comedies about camping
1267Shut the fuck up abuot Greece
1268Thank you to all USERs who have engaged my web space regarding Super Bowl. You have increased the Social Power of myself and the NFL forever
1269hey now, its super bowl http://t.co/yPbH9B8akK
1270congress passes law to make every character in every show go to jail on the final episode like in seinfeld
1271im somewhat a bit of an expert on *looks around cautiously* girls, as i have convinced many of them to beat the shit out of me on craig list
1272wiping out an entire archaeological site by drifting in my 1500-ton big rig truck with "piss up my ass bitch boy" on the side in neon lights
1273nuke obtained by renegade AssFreak
1274Thank you for your time, Elon. I know youre very busy but I appreciate you coming onto my feed. http://t.co/ux4RXhgDsy
1275elon: the tesla milker will run by taking ordinary chemtrails out of the air and tuirning them into, milk me: wow. Tastes great. Ha ha ha
1276enjoying a conversation with my friend elan musk,. http://t.co/akZ410Dn3C
1277im sorry for claiming i was going to "flip the script" on dry rub barbeque. that was wildly irresponsible of me
1278U would be superbly fucking remiss to not click on my link of top 10 reasons that Vuvuzela s are The Dog's bollocks
1279some times.. i need my coffee fix so bad.. i gotta grab TWO mugs!! Im the mockery of all my co-workers and i fucking suck
1280watching stimpy slide up the fireman pole traumatized me and made me want to become a united state marines
1281the News; - death cured; immortality real -on-line ghoul given plaque; recognized as "loudest human alive" - bird infiltrates macaroni grill
1282im the guy who is famous at the hospital because i had to have two catheters put in since i piss so much
1283i just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that the blue checkmark is good to have. personally, i believe them.,
1284please help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from the video " caterwauling jack ass shot with cannon '", which is now viral with hits
1285YES !! YES ! PULLOVER http://t.co/GIiYo3sj6e
1286another stir-up at the office when relatably handsome professional refuses to remove sticker from khakis that says "my other pants is jeans"
1287pplease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason
1288the american sniper murders 8 people with one bullet 2000miles away from a beach chair in hawaii, winks at the camera and says "Its A Livin"
12894k tech will enable the viewer to see my dick hole fully accentuated through my jeans as the media hunts me down in a carrabba`s parking lot
12905 bucks will get you 1 minue access to the "Peck cam" where you can watch all sorts of wild birds peck me while i force myself not to resist
1291people enjoying a meal outdoors., disgusting. horrible. inadvisable
1292*steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commericals are tthis generation's pink floyd **boos get louder** can anyone help me find my car
1293everyones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit and im so mad i could crank off
1294wow theyrre releasing more of these already http://t.co/m8INRDahRZ
1295get the fuck out tof there!! get the fuck out of there you god damn idiot!! asshole!! i need that oil!! i need oil!! http://t.co/EafCpVBEY9
1296someone please verify rumor that petsmart is turning all animals loose (lizards snakes rats dogs) because of the scoundrel obama care
1297im pretty sure the neightbors can hear my keyboard clicking at 4am and thats why they throw chemicals at me
1298truthfully, i do believe that, now thatm the gas prices are low, i think that theres going to be a lot less BULL S#!T on the commute !!
1299id love to be 1 of those purple espn guys who puts boulders on descending columns but id probly get all sorts of penut gallery comments here
1300jack`s off to the super bowl for business, jack`s off to the bitter beer face commercials for pleasure
1301im sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask ppl to put teeth in my ass. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls
1302WOw. Sorry. Like i give a shit. Wiseguys on here
1303i mostly just need help getting the teeth. i can handle pouring them into my ass by myself #ParksPremiere
1304some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into my ass hole #bonnaroo2015
1305pour teeth into my ass #SpyMovie
1306top me off, beer man. here's to bottoms up **gets kicked out of the fucking establishment for putting my dirty coat on the bar*
1307in honorable protest, i will abuse my ass cheeks with radio waves until the Olympics forces all of the swimmers to wear shirts
1308isis man: please! you gotta follow back! you just gotta! me: no can do my man. i respect your right to be in isis, but I can not follow you.
1309folks it's me, the guy who said that hit & run drivers are actually good on a blog once. anyway I want to get on CNN again so please retweet
1310looking at Mars Bar
1311did we end sars yet. good job every one, if we did
1312not ashame.d of my posts. my messages help people
1313i have proof that my care taker has been tricking me into eating delicious home cooked meals by hiding them in wads of peanut butter
1314if you have a problem with my mouth, i'll be swniging a sledgehammer in circles outdoors for the rest of my life, so come try do crap to me.
1315REAL REAL REAL "TheDrafts Folder: See it BEFORE he says it" take a L #ForbiddenContent http://t.co/jFkkmhUluk
1316seems to me. like, well, these days, people are more interested in Instagram , than telegrams, which are better because theyre the first one
1317im the guy in the incognito browser icon who jacks off wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses
1318me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back 9 year old child: Fuck oyu
1319does anyone else think thathas been going downhill lately.? wouldnt be surprised if he sold his account to some reddit guy.
1320that last psot was damn good enough to count as the 12th day of content if i say so my self. #The12DaysOfContent
1321(struggling))ok i figured it out: all opinions are good, except for the opinions that say other peoples opinions are bad, because thats rude
1322watch the first 45 minutes of the film, read the entire beeteljuice manga, then watch the rest of the film, or fucko ff
1323heed my words ,cyberfilth, i may bvery well be a thirty eight yr old kindergartner, but im fairly average when it comes to eating female ass
1324eat shit , jc penney skeptics http://t.co/q4CYFS3az8
1325proudly announcing to the barber shop that i got through my entire haircut without screaming or touching my dick underneath the smock
1326and i find it kind of funny i find it kind of sad the dreams in which im Beavis are the best ive ever had
1327#The12DaysOfContent theyre back boys. the good posts i used to make when iw as an Indie account. the Classics series, http://t.co/7UWkZAnEu9
1328your video "stuart little: Why I dont buy it" has been removed due to hate speech against islam and pepsi
1329i feel like getting shot would;nt be that bad if you knew how to properly "body spin " away from the bullet or slap it away with your hand
1330somebody please haul my ass to the ultimate breast worship championship's. i made the top 16 bracket and my car was impounded, due to lice
1331#the12daysofcontent thank s http://t.co/rk8uiieT7P
1332hipster.kiss my usa ass
1333im not cut out to be a content producer!! fuck thtis!! i want to go back to just looking at everyone else's content and nodding if its good
1334#The12DaysOfContent making these is as torturous as every concentration camp combined, including hell, which god made http://t.co/d3j4RWAnYr
1335unbelievable. another muffler man statue had its big plastic jeans stolen late in the night, whjile i was busy having an alibi at my house
1336do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train ... with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar... he just mmight be... angel
1337ME: when committing to a project like "the 12 days", you are forced to bear your soul to countless vicious cannibals GQ: crhist. its true
1338next year itll be the 3 days of content or something. i cant handle 12 whole days on top of stress & trouble brought to me by gimmick memers
1339#The12DaysOfContent somone tell me what day im on please because i lost count http://t.co/JzhsuCEi67
1340i am the damn good boy who always gets his dinner egg http://t.co/Wn7RfLyb4h
1341i pour my Blood into my tweets, and seeing all these random 4chan reddit Monkey Cheese tumblr teens get more favs than me is the great 9/11,
1342searching for bastards .
1343you see; most of the piss were exposed to in our day-to-day lives is immediately diluted by toilet water. pure piss is a monster all its own
1344shit head with hog DNA takes cardboard pennzoil display hostage
1345im delighted to see that people are waking up to the fact that Masturbation is fraud, and turns all of the T in your body into germs
1346just call me george watchington. beucase im watching tons of nice shit appear on my computer screen
1347#The12DaysOfContent im sorry again http://t.co/Odg5cl2lFa
1348#The12DaysOfContent here comes baby new year . . . http://t.co/cq93CxEw8V
1349my 2015 new years resolutions is to go to hell less often, and raise $99 by selling stolen mulch to buy my account back from lockheed martin
1350just keep on, pulling that old Chain #The12DaysOfContent http://t.co/TDA5oJZ6SD
1351What if the guy who jumped over the white house fence thought it was the gamer gate.
1352what if the guy who jumped over the white house fence thought it was the gamer gate
1353ah (sees the good low gas price while driving, spit takes hot coffee all over dick & the sharp, sudden stimulus causes me to ejaculate) okay
1354(crawling out of rocks in dystopian future where all the good posts have already been made) uehh.. im the big.. denim.. sock loop(??).. man
1355goign to new york disguised as the Mayor so when the cops turn their back on me i can jack off
1356actually the barf bags on airplanes are for shitting in. they call them barf bags because thats gross to some people
1357theyre probably going to show my dick on cnn soon. hopefully on split screen with some dick expert from minnesota saying how normal it looks
1358#The12DaysOfContent #AmericanSniper http://t.co/jUMQiOrSEF
1359after muchf bullshit, screaming arguments, i have finally procured the $80 usd necessary to begin development on the face book of gamer.
1360JAILBIRD: Whatre u in for CROOK: I headbutted an ambulance JAILBIRD: Hm., Thats good. Well bye CROOK: Bye. Thank you
1361and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.
1362know what. im not fucking sorry. the "12 days" project has been fairly solid thus far. as if the shit you people post is better?? get fucked
1363Im sorry that the 12 days of content feature isnt as good as I planned it to be. I will try to to better of it, in the remaining days. -Dril
1364my follower count nosedives dramatically each time i do this but #The12DaysOfContent must continue http://t.co/QDAFXSrgok
1365(ccrying) its jst not good. nothing online is good. we will ne ver top 1999's "monicka lewinsky craping" vid from back when jokes were legal
1366yeah , just take this big metal trash can ive strapped to my dick off and just spray piss everywhere. just take it off. great idea fuck face
1367#The12DaysOfContent http://t.co/3ExzF1htlB
1368#ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear always Handsome gamer #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear loud but Nice #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear COrdial, and unafraid
1369invoke my big ass with satan noises or go home
1370im like a mean old Rattler rwho types on the keyboard by repeatedly striking it with my poisonous mouth and teeth, and youre.. the dead guy,
1371Bog Off, Fuckazoid. Im Cramming Packets Beyond Digital Light Speed ,Injecting Pure Fire Into The Blogomedia SuperFrame For The God Damn Lord
1372#The12DaysOfContent http://t.co/dSDMi9dVMJ
1373beginning tomorrow .. for #The12DaysOfContent... that's twelve days of top-shelf posts just in time for santa.. as a "Thank You" to the boys
1374may god help you if you trip your feet against my handsome bulk while i am sitting on the floor looking at Depression things on my tablet pc
1375thank you, http://t.co/XmuLGcjapP
1376tomorrow im going to fill up on bread befoore 10am and get waterboarded by my seven identical uncles
1377i will not post on xmas day out of reverence for the lord christ. that is only. my opinion, and if youre going to kill me for it, thats fine
1378absolutely read some of my god damn tweets while opening gifts with loved ones at the tree tomorrow & bring CULUTRE to this ass of a holiday
1379i fucking love logging in and out of things at incredible speed
1380it ius abundantly clear that my entire online presence is like a big toilet shaped pinata that people bludgeon with sticks & take shits into
1381buddy youre ten pounds of shit in a ten pound bag, of shit
1382Saying you want to put your dick in the keebler elf house is one of the fucked up things i will block U the mostly for .
1383upgrade my ass to a human's ass
1384sometimes i love to be able to want to be the man who is able to want to need to have his wants and needs able to be fulfilled sometimes
1385please pray for my sons Thursten and Gorse who have just glued themselves to a curtain,
1386http://t.co/uzrjG4AEBp
1387 this short online exchange between Karl and his friend wayne hooter might just,. chane your life
1388change your godgdamn name clown
1389i destoryed my balls with uh, enhanced interrogation techniques sir
1390i agree with all party `s involved http://t.co/04YXhaHcEL
1391the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up
1392#WorstDateIn5Words i tune
1393#WorstDateIn5words a bunvch of blades arranged to spell out" 9/11". the worst date, in swords
1394Let's cut the crap—regarding iTunes. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like you gotta be from NASA just to get half these features to work.
1395(in perfect astronnaut voice) bleep bloop even I cant figure out how to use damn itunes and im from Nasa
1396heads up hotshot. gonna drop two fuckin cents on this fuckin itunes. yeah you gotta be a fuckin nasa astronaut to use this shit. yea alright
1397i gotta tell you, itunes is running me ragged. i reckon it would require the expertise of a NASA astronaut to operate this infernal program.
1398ME: itunes, play some sinatra ITUNES: Youre not authorized to operate itunes. Please insert NASA identification ME: what hath ,been wrought!
1399folks let me tell you about the content platform known as "itunes". its so poorly conceived its even got nasas top men scratchin their heads
1400some times I have a hard time playing my favorite songs on itunes, and I wish I had my astronaut's degree from nasa to help me play it !!
1401itunes has more buttons & clickers than a space rocket, its like you got to be an astronaut from nasa to use it and not a normal man as I am
1402the itunes program is so complicated its like you gotta have a degree from nasa just to play sweet home Alabama.
1403itunes.. what a mix-up. its like you gotta be a NASA astronaut just to work this thing
1404GIRL 1: only 25% of 's followers are female. lets get that to 100% by 2015 GIRL 2: I agree
1405dear horseshoe crab,: you are neither of those things, and yyou look like a damn rat in a hat
1406yes,. i;m the guy who eats handfuls of salt to dry myself up so i never have to wipe my ass, and yes, there are several wars declared at me
1407NET PERVERSION >>>>> BAD <<<<<< MURDER ^ NEW LIGHT BULBS
1408the usd dollar will explode into complete dust next year . pelase strongly consider growing an apple garden
1409the dogs playing poker painting is ranom wacky bullshit, it is now considered not good by me, and i have made the decision to not look at it
1410mister one million dollars http://t.co/sAWxBXp7qK
1411im going to close my account for uhhh 90 seconds until yyou fucking people learn how to engage content creators in a meaningful handsome way
1412Fuck off. Thats in poor of taste RT y GUess its The AIDS quilt now
1413well im sad to announce that the meme quilt project has been cancelled. someone has already jacked off on it instead of adding their patch
1414makimg a Meme Quilt, where we send a quilt all over the world & each person adds a patch featuring their favorite online meme . a bit of fun
1415paper towel ?? Huzzat ?? is it a paper or a towel. more to come
1416FRONT: If u dont like the posts BACK: Get out of the kitchin
1417im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth
1418thank you inventor of bibs. every one else, off a cliff
1419i put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like "oh tortures bad","its ineffective" fuck off
1420once agian the posts sent to me by screwball accounts have caused me to spit up and defile my big belt buckle which contains my son's ashes
1421Star wars is back baby . . . Confirmed by
1422i challenge us all to experience one another in a greater over all sense of adult maturity, in the year two thousand of fifteen, next year.
1423concerning my messages on here: typically pretty good id say. if theyre bad its because i have a life instead of thinking of crap to upload.
1424this. this fauil. fail this http://t.co/YDMowEL595
1425ijust had to block like 3 people for using the word "gargle" as a noun
1426i can only save one http://t.co/5fXddCJ3eL
1427im the dumb mother fucker who sucks on my computer monitro like one of those aquarium fish; to bond with ceelbs, brands, trends, what have u
1428im the dumb mother fucker who uses a dessert fork to cut up my spaghetti
1429im the dumb mother fucker who has permanently fucked up abs from wearing a pair of suspenders backwards for three days straight
1430im the Dumb motherfucker who holds a 21 gun salute in honor of pizza huts old brand on the quake server & fails to get the boys to cooperate
1431im the dumb mother fucker who puts the ice in after the drink and calls the soda fountain a "bastard" when it splashes at me
1432it will be good for all of us when i shorten my name from "the ebay boy" to "eboy"
1433i feel a good balance of nice energy & rude energy cioming through the monitor at me, and i think i will stay online for about 3 more hours.
1434hte shit people type at me "Yap yap yap"
1435my ass cheeks have two giant finger nails
1436me & the booys are riffing on 78 hours of stolen walgreens security cam footage. this guy on here just bought a toilet brush. bitch!! bitch!
1437i msay be woefully ignorant, but at least im good at justifying my existence with trite remarks
1438CELEB: Love that Moolah baby ME: Did u see that shit. Did u see that shit. He called it moolah instead of money. God damn! Only in hollywood
1439the sheriff has ordered me to return the "Helpful Boy Award" i earned at age 8 after seeing me at the local swimming pool begging for towels
1440SCOTT PETERSON: i unfollowed you in 2011 and your shit gets retweeted into my feed constantly. it sucks ME: I apologize sir!! I've fucked up
1441[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[please let Miley join the USMC]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[She will do good]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
1442hoagie prreserved in peat bog for 30 years - "It's Still Food" - "Oh it's nice"
1443(chanting to self; walking around in public) dont get owned. dont get owned (body quickly separated into 500 pieces by metallic alien noise)
1444targeted advertiosng helps me connect with the Brands I Need http://t.co/1d8nITM0JN
1445ridiculous to believe that someone would risk the careers of themselves & their colleagues to put a secret ass in the trailer of a starwars.
1446again i've been asked to comment on the hidden ass in the new star wars trailer. it's time to put this cowardly rumor to rest. theres no ass
1447as the authority on being tge guru of tech, i think that, "searchs", are going to be an important part of web life, in the year 2015
1448herees what I say to those who think im having a goof on here (presses button on wristwatch & tiny pair of shades launches onto face) im Not
1449diseased hogs pissimg everywhere but the toilet. wads of hair covered in piss and smashed into the floor #SponsoredContent
1450(cop inspecting his new body cam with huge pepperoni fingers) what the fuck is htis. where do i pack the ammo. is this a new type of grenade
1451threres a rumor master chief will take off his mask and reveal hes the btk killer.. do not do this.. it would be disrespectful to halo
1452"Give me an App that will make me say, 'Wow'" "Apps will help us in our lives" "An App is always just a download away" some good app quotes
1453are you having a crap of me mate?? Are you, having a crap of me mate
1454christ.. ive done it again.. ive posted the absolute good truth shit that every1 has been waiting to hear in this sea of lying crap nonsense
1455ive made an arrangement with the casino. im allowed to yell at the slot machines now, but only if i actually put money in them first
1456its not normal to get on here and post fake joke shit when the rockefellers, the carnegies , theyre all reading it. theyre scrutinizing it
1457ijust had one Hell of a steak dinner. i wont post specifics regarding the dinner due to trolls but i would like to get this viral please.,
1458stare directly into the sun For Free #blackfridaydeals
1459i just left an enormous pile of vomit behind golds gym for all of you abominable pig clowns to pick at #blackfridaydeals
1460thats one small Ass for a man,. one tiny jeans for man kind
1461http://t.co/P9ETc1dnCu
1462my intense belief: you should not be eligible for the presidency of the United States until you are at least 89 years old
1463my friend nasdaq_oscar says they just let all the pardoned turkeys run around the white house and shit on the carpet. disgrace to the office
1464my big sons have made a mess of the garage again after being riled up by the good word of the Lord
1465jeopardy should give the contestants guns and make them shoot the categories. i think that this would improve the image of the guns brand
1466if youre not a fellow big time social buzz blog appreciateor then spare me thhe wretched crap of the bullshit
1467the essential, Male Ass
1468NO I WILL NOT USE MY BRAND NEW 3D PRINTER TO PRINT OUT "A PICTURE OF RATS". PLEASE SUGGEST SOMETHING GOOD, LIKE CUSTOM MONOPOLY PIECES
1469all gags and assorted banter aside though I will in fact be shooting the thanksgiving turkey with a gun instead of eating it this year .
1470cant wiat to see what devilish thanksgiving scenarios me and the boys of twitter can conjure up. "The turkey was taken by spiders? ? Whua??"
1471all ladys need to shut off the god dam soap operas and put on the vids of me smoking a pipe that ive painted to look like a nascar
1472slobber, by definition, can only come from a mouth. anyone claiming to slobber out of their ass is a liar and possibly a scammer
1473im sorry to everyone who has ever wanted me to apologize to them for something, and im sorry for apologizing tio you if you didnt need me to
1474[kOaLa_Releasez_Prezentz]gilligans_island_theme(Tap_That_Ass_Mix_2007)by_DJ_arbys(Deceased)_uploaded_by_Vect0rman.mp3.zip
1475http://t.co/NxaME4QBT1
1476((sends yoyu an unsolicited 20 image sequence of me morphing into a neopet) i can take u... closer
1477im moving to israel, where the boys are nice, as soon as i get confirmation that they use the same kind of toilet paper that we use here
1478"big craps are good". never have is een such a foolhardy sentiment expressed on here. "Big craps are good". Absurd. The words make no sense
1479every morning i pick up the local paper and read the latest condemnations about my rinky-dink, slipshod Ass & my child-like shoulder blades
1480http://t.co/HgUz2f5JK4
1481hidden camera prank doctor: we got your xrays back. Looks like your brain has been replaced by bugs me (oblivious): please let me g go home
1482alRight. no filter. i think that, igf you are a bird, and you get run over by a car, you absolutely need to get your god damn act together
1483id absolutely love to move to LA with my model g.friend & start my film career, but all my pre-orders at game stop would certainly be fucked
1484my garbage family is staging an intervention or something for me because i forgot what its called when people have a chin made out of hair
1485in social media blunders: i post a pic of my new watch without realizing all of my credit card numbers and dick and prolapsed ass are visibl
1486my rig tower is full of shit parts because i spent all my money on a mouse pad with a screaming human face ionside of it
1487fbi agents are hiding theur guns in toilets so they can arrest you for shitting on government property. do not be fooled by this dirty trick
1488im starting a new feature on my feed called "Boy's Thought's" where I just riff on the things of day to day life and maybe some surprises to
1489whats in my cup today? why its that old stand-by known as "beer" folks . thank you for reading it
1490i nneed constant 24/7 stream of memes and jokes about coffee being good to prove to myself im not living in rthe Fucking matrix
1491something must be done about aall these kids on the playground claiming the goatse.cx lawyer is their uncle
1492once agAin going "Ape" over controversial Classic rock opinions at the super market while my asain gf pushes me around in a shopping cart
1493someone needs to tell "TimOnline" that his username fucking sucks
1494there is so much rigamarole and legal B.S. involved around mnaking a comedy central roast of digimonotis that it's almost not even worth it
1495in the latest effort to distance myself from "Whacky" ;, "Random" bull shit, i will be changing my name from VolleyballCraig to NormalCraig,
1496things 90s boys remember: vision of themselves in the future being violently ripped apart by unknown energy. that board game thats in a mall
1497its decided. tomorrow morning im going to speak with the priest after his sermon and ask him to perform the ritual that will turn me athist.
1498my t-shirts no longer have humorous slogans on them, their purpose now is to display pitiful appeals begging people not to piss on me
1499((SPILLING BLOOD ALL OVER KEYBOARD) THIS IS WHAT U WANT. THIS IS WHAT U FUCKING BASTARDS WANT RIGHT (1 WEEK LATER) WHY ARE THE KEYS STICKING
1500mmy monitor flashed before me in dazzling light. for 1 brief moment, I saw every Celeb at once, the good 1s, the bad 1s, crying, jsut crying
1501originally wanted to keep silent about the "elmer fudd's dick" issue, but BMXWalter's objectionable dickless fudd theory has forced my hand,
1502in response to allegations that i have beneficial forms of bacteria housed in my digestive tract: 1) Thayt's fucking disgusting 2) I don't
1503im going to jack off to the comet instead of the ass because im nice
1504doctor: you have a hoof growing in your brain. like a goat's hoof. its horrifying, unprecedented & fatal me: is it true they do 420 in hhere
1505thw man who killed bin laden... angel or demon http://t.co/CutViWP85O
1506lime and pear is the same "Lime & Pear: Same Fruit" (they are the same) #LimeAndPearTheSame // Opinion: Limes are no different from pears
1507[transfer of pug_dog_Spectacularly_gored_by_bull.flv completed] oops. sorry. that's the wrong one. here [transferring lime.jpg]
1508i know how to get on all my favorite site`s.
1509in the nice days, the paper boy would hand deliver the newspaper to its subscriber. now he throws it at my dick and murders me every time
1510ass ointment seeping through the top of my perilously tight jeans leaving unsightly horizontal stripes on the sofa #Supernatural200thEpisode
1511as this website's foremost broken human being, id like to annoucne that oysters make me mad now, for some reason
1512me: let's just say if ur a child who suffocated in a plastic bag, my next rant might just rock your socks off buzzfeed: Splendid. Phenomenal
1513" big-ears bastard ruins another opera after being flung off the balcony by marines "
1514a good bad -ass thing would be a criminal who throws lots of hand grenades and kisses them each time. they could use this in agent of shield
1515congress: youre so good at saying the truthful things in a handsome way. we need you me: Wheres bigfoot. Assholes
1516congress: it would be an honor to let you join Congress me: absolutely no. it'd be a disservice to my followers to join the bastard congress
1517THe,yre going to stop, making twinkies soon. Buy lots of ammo and leather
1518i want anonymous and police to join forces against the mayor and allow me to have a big pile of dirty towels rot the floorboards in my house
1519the US army sent my police departmet 100000 hideous robot arms to rip off citizens' heads but heres the thing, we only need like 500 of them
1520open up thhis portable crapper citizen. im police and im on a crook search. stand down stand down
1521to counter-act the terrible "ISIS", im starting my own group called "NICEis". what we do is give retweets & faves to the hopelessly decrepit
1522sorry boys.. im goin A.W.O.L.. !!! Another Weekend On-Line
1523the pinheads at the post office are all down there whooping it up with my good car mags instead of delivering them to my tent in the desret
1524i love ggetting hazed so i can gain access into this exclusive club of people who have been forced to eat dog shit
1525they were goign to preserve my brain but they decided it would be a waste of a jar. they instead used the jar to store a massive piss sample
1526once i get the brand surgry i expect dairy queen to come crawling back. to give me back my job of saying "dariy queen rules" for $0.01 an hr
1527i;m now getting surgery to completely become a Brand. all bothersome human elements (ability to get mad, go to toilet, etc) will be, removed
1528Have u ever wanted to Kick someone's ass on here so bad but don't do it because you will die if youre exposed to clouds
1529sttop sending me aprilfools. its not April
1530http://t.co/pScELll4O1
1531the last indie twitter acocunt. ..yeah thats me
1532i was given a purple heart for being the fox executive who invented the 3d football robot & made homer stop showing his ass on the simpsons
1533a cement truck pouring its load on a bare ass nude man lying face down while people sing happy birthday to him
1534(reading my latest death threat ) "from the desk of DigimonOtis..." this is bullshit. digimonotis has never owned a desk
1535WHEN IT IS TIME FOR ME TO BE QUIET, I AM EASILY FOOLED BY THE FAKE RUBBER NIPPLE OF A PACIFIER. I THINK THAT IM GETTING MILK OUT OF THE DEAL
1536if u follow me. ..and ur display name is "bazinga man".. you had better FUCking be the real bazinga man before I unscrew youre head & SHIT D
1537as hte real life #AlexFromTarget, i'd like to thank you all for liking the picture of me,aand announce my support for president jeb bush2016
1538"my posts are more..i think.. self aware than most other peoples posts. Im also nice to everybody" -dril, visionary Disruptor; while smoking
1539i think it is good to vote, unless it is inconvenient, or boring to do so. then it might be very bad. i'm sorry for doing politics om here.
1540i don't believe in making beer in huge metal vats. they should make it in cups, for me to drink it out of, when I want to,
1541i believe in " inject steroids into infants ". i believe in " WAsh your damn car ". i believe in " #PregnantHogGate ". i believe in " koopa"
1542establishment cocksuckers wiping their a$$es every time they shit, while the windbag toilet paper lobbyist crooks roll around in blood money
1543Dear Applicant, We regret to inform you that Guinness no longer publishes the world record for "World's Tiniest Ass", because it was too sad
1544We Live IN A Country Where Football Players Are Given Helmets For Free But I Have To Buy A Helmet At The Store Because Im A Regular Person .
1545i would like to remind our nation's youth to burn their mcdonald abd burger king cups after use so mobsters cant hide IEDs in them
1546Personality: Good friend for anyone, will help someone in need, not foul with language. Dislikes: People who ridiculize Lucario (I really ha
1547man wearing nothting but socks doing back flip kicks into his tv because there are too many batman shows
1548[crying[ i just want to seay.. it takes a lot of courage for the cashiers to thank me for shopping at wal mart.. but it iw well appreciated,
1549proud to announce that after 30 years as a slave on my uncle's fishing vessel i no longer wish to fuck the post cereals honey-comb wanter
1550remember not to die on halloween so you dont turn into w pumpkin
1551haivng the xbox controller vibrate in my lap for 14 hours a day has rendered me sterile , low - t , and betagender
1552ive decided that nudity is acceptable if irt's done for artistic reasons, like, promoting a mattress store,
1553im sorry for doing jokes about the blue checkmark. i need it very badly to protect myself from villains right now
1554would like to know why my eBay account has been replaced by dead ladybugs. user name is "good_and_bad_days_haver_1963"
1555my great-grandfather died protecting his farm from a pack of coyotes. i died from overexerting myself in a money booth at blizzcon
1556the president has never once been filmed taking a bath. he is presumably very filthy
1557you walked across the entire great wall?? well one time i pushed my dick into my body with my thumb, got scared about halfway in and stopped
1558farm boss: yyoure so good at cleaning the pigs' ass holes. please let us pay you me: no. i won't allow my work to be corrupted by the dolar.
1559pavlov thinks hes good just because he can make dogs drool with bells. mean while I can make dogs howl insanely just by taking my Ass out
1560Spipe tv
1561foflks i want to tell you all about icecold pepsi. its good to drink that & top it off with a crest whitestrip while jacking off in your car
1562i wish i had my baby teeth back. those were the good 90s teeth
1563(being trampled to death by panicking crowd) hah. look at these dumb fucks. they think im part of a floor. they dont even realize im a human
1564*enrolls in psychology major* finnally. this will give me the upper hand in dealing with trolls *fails all courses* college is fake actually
1565"Spike TV should put on a slideshow of your most celebrated posts, accompanied by a tasteful, easy listening soundtrack." well, This is true
1566sometimes bags of food say the true shit that were all afraid to http://t.co/Q9x0g2MrFF
1567i can confirm that the candid photos on Darknet of me eating a breakfast wrap are real. and i will issue an apology for the trouble i caused
1568rubbinb hand sanitizer all over my loud mouthed pet birds
1569THIS IS AMERICAN AIR LINES. WE DROPPED YOUR SHITTY COWBOY BRA INTO THE OCEAN EN ROUTE TO ISRAEL. IT SHATTERED INTO 100000 SHARDS LIKE A PIG.
1570girl or something: wtf did you jUst say. sounded like "xbone fail". did you just say"xbone fail" at me. me: (purple-faced refusal to answer)
1571a 38 year old man who is dressed like a school shooter is here too pick up his vitality supplements .
1572i tried to open a kissing booth where people spit in my Fucking face instead of kissing me but they eventually started refusing to pay m e
1573convinced that about 98% of my followers and favs are all from one awful man who is taunting me becuase I spoke ill of orange julius in 2011
1574if any of you have any tips or tricks about how to make the queen ant shit ant honey into my mouth, email me at LongLegsGustin.com
1575which film or work of art rujined my life the most. im going to have to say men and black 2.
1576i envisioned last night an older, wiser austin powers engaging a group of young adults about the evils of sex. hollywood, the world is ready
1577that three stooge thing where you run around in circles on the floor horizontally is actually a vital component of my yakuza training
1578all dressed up in my little tuxedo and ready to sacrifcie my self to isis
1579allow me to reiterate.. im on the side that is the least mad. whichever one that is right now. nobody knows whos more mad at this point.
1580AH. ONCE AGAIN IM RAKED THRU THE COALS AND TORTURED TO DEATH FOR HAVING A NORMAL PERSONS OPINON. FUCK OFF
1581in conclousion, there's some action packed heavy hitter s in the world of games being released soon, and I hope you all buy them. Bye
1582maybe sometimes both sides... are good and bad at the same time??? im sorry if im doing this wrong. it is difficult to write
1583to truly under stand the #gamergate ... we must first ask ourselves.... "What.. Is.. Gamer..." **gazeing into the fire place*
1584ass someone who owns BOTH next gen consoles, as a actual murderer with every halo displayed on my mantle, i've the final word of gamer gate,
1585night time falls. im "corie latin" now. a man of intrigue. i place a bird feather into my glass of scotch and i never do posts about my dick
1586it is important to remember to empty the recycle bin on your desk top every once in a while if you delete a lot of files
1587male model: washing my luxurious long hair is so boring. i wish my entire body was bald like you me: Now the healing can begin
1588its sunday morning which means u boys better either be in church or staying home because of another gynecomastia flare up like the poster me
1589Auh.. Beer! Theres nothing LIKE it! 123 cups of scalding hot Beer on my office desk. Dont spill it now, it's good.
1590JAMES BOND: (Shoots his gun at the screen in the intro and murders me) ME: Now that;s cinema
1591difficult 4 average joe like me to schedule some time to "Jack Off" arounf here; with all these tragic anniversaries fucking my calendar up
1592micheal_jackson_gets_horny_on_jeopardy.swf
1593HERE WE GO BOYS !!! http://t.co/Npd9Am9Js2
1594who wants t o read some extremely embarrassing opinions about how i believbe thetwitter account was taken over by a false dew fan
1595**instnatly teleports 1000 years into the future where theres millions of new things to have good opinions about* HUUhhauih, .. Uh.. BLuahgh
1596pleased to report my custom beer tap that makes a dramatic diarrhea noise while filling the glass is a hit with the boys at the fondue club
1597(sees parking for electric vehicles, does the smug grin/shaking head thing) what's next? ? parking for circus clown cars?
1598for my dedication to the brand. . ive decided to treat myself to an affordable vacation package in ssplendid, extraordinary "quicksand hell"
1599i click online expecting praise from mny contemporaries. instead i get an ass pic on my monitor and i immediately start wheezing into my lap
1600im going to urinate all m y damn cum out.. dont read this if youre Male
1601some children get really angry if you tell them that all nasa astronauts are cigarette smokers, but its true
1602i would really like to wipe this spilled chili off of me but all my towels are fucked up right now
1603You Won't Believe How Many Legs That Spiders Have
1604fifty two year old mamn hides underneath a tarp at work and jacks off to the same cartoon characters he did when he was thirty years younger
1605FBI AGent: We have given u a new identity because of the death threats your bad posts get you. Youre Tim Crap now Me (as Tim Crap now): Cool
1606please donate medicine to my boy son kim jong-un, who was assaulted by a fawn & became too sick to attend the royal korean spaghetti banquet
1607please pray for the safety and health of my beautiful child, supreme leader kim jong-un
1608SARGE: WAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION SOLIDER !! The Impervious Millennial: im Gay sir. I eat shit. Bazinga SARGE: I... CANT... BREAK... HIOM
1609hello unionized jackhammer fuckers. could you please go repair some other road?? im trying to suck my wife off
1610the "Seems To Me" collection by . Thank you for reading it
1611seems to me.. sometimes... you just have to say speak the true things which remain unspoken.
1612seems to me like im more and more the only person on this site who tweets wiht Integrity.
1613huge amounts of vomitting hav.e, made me good at howling
1614i want to become a master plumber so i can make shit rain on my enemies
1615please enter the wooded area behind hardee`s when you are ready to be lectured about using corn cob holders by a fervently diapered imbecile
1616my wonderful beer men
1617i wear the crown of thorns before every time i click submit . . .
1618if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight
1619ah, i can smell it,. its just about ready. *opens the oven up and pulls out a sshitty burnt up ritz cracker* my perfect boy's lunch
1620nice shoes idiot. nice pants. nice head. nice face. nice legs. nice feet and mouth. nice eyes. nice dick, ass, hands, tongue, ears, uh, neck
1621stonehenge actually sucks and i hope someone pushes those rocks the hell over real soon
1622the massive pair of black angel wings that i wear to the gym fucking stink like shit now and they wont fit into the washing machine either
1623it may not be necessary for me to reply to every post on my feed with "I Agree" ,b but it is appreciated and nice, and I will never stop
1624pleasse read the article "Why I Choose To Masturbate" by Mutant Turd for truly valuable insight into the mind of the common masturbator
1625hello folks. country singer tim mcgraw here. thank you for listening to all of my songs http://t.co/179MwAgExq
1626whuh?? isis is good/? **slams face into monitor leaving a head-shaped hole* Whammo. Fuck off
1627looking around with high-tech goggles that display everyone's raw denim stats on a sleek HUD. i'm screaming because they're fused to my head
1628Im at town hall getting a permit to have e xtremely bad opinions about guitars
1629now im a man whos been eating his fuckin spaghetti, i tell you what for damn sure. tghat being said, toilet paper needs to be about 3x wider
1630http://t.co/1CiyCKWmQF
1631(pics of hole in wall) thats what happen when i got very pissed off by the sports radio caller saying the football players should run slower
1632i dont follow anyone on this site, my feed is the pinnacle of cultural purity, i look at the blank goddamn page& blow kisses at it furiously
1633Tracks: 1.Let me take my gallon bottle of pepto on planes 2.The Catholic Church is on some Mike Jackson shit 3.There is too many restaurants
1634judges are bullshit, your honor
1635my timeline.. is my empire. oftentimes i find my self scrolling through it and just taking it all in;, feeling little to no shame whatsoever
1636im rwriting a script about a smart and handsome army man cop who murders civilians but wants to stop murdering civilians because hes in love
1637Why is there anger on this world. In year 2014. You savage , hateful, ugly thing's
1638everyone giving me shit over the teen things I said is mad because im able to conSistently put up the good opinions before them &get the RTs
1639youngsters are all fucked up due to elevated levels of incest that occurred during reagan-era protests. thats why theyre hooked on cellphone
1640as a 46 year old teen I would like to apologize to all old dudes on behalf of the teen generation, for decades of gangsterism and nonsense,
1641some people say that area 51 is a jail for aliens. i say its where the army keeps their best guns
1642i am not going to post pictures of the oilive oil after i shit it out, as that would be unsafe for work
1643to my mates online: im raising $1900 so i can drink a ton of olive oil to see if it turns to shit when i shit it out or just stays olive oil
1644remember to always have samples of urine, shit, semen and blood attached to your belt to avoid wasting the doctor';s time if you get sick
1645tactical knuckle man
1646watch what happesn when a man with nothing to lose collides with 4000 "babe the Pig" commemorative plates piled next to a sears dumpster
1647is it true that the ebola man works at aplant. it would be fucked up if he touched the cans and shit,
1648later that night, i post "the btk killer fuckin sucks" on the official guestbook of peep marshmallow. my opst is then removed by a moderator
1649the btk killer spits in my god damn face. the impact cuases my neck to whiplash and separate 2 of my vertebrae. i flip him the bird but good
1650underwhelm by social media..posted 6 pics of my clean mouth, fresh from dentist,but ppl are more interested in yapping at their shit friends
1651every little thing that U do...... Baby im amazed by U... http://t.co/z5BtJP0vNh
1652my putty stance. fuck all putty http://t.co/Ybq2iKBCTa
1653[(launches sack;s of burning medical waste into the side of someones house for having a bird feeder on their porch)] Fucking Bird Helper
1654i vow to continue improving my Posture uuntil my chest consumes the earth
1655no. no it is too soon. ignore my previous tweet please
1656society is changing, constantly ggrowing and improving, and i think it is time for spider-man to show his dick
1657when the war ended, my grandpa was spit upon but kept his pride—it is in this spirit that i choose to carry the burden of Gamer . #GamerGate
1658mmy appreciation of pat sajaks wardrobe is extremely well known; and is the only aspect of my life that is not shrouded in complete disgrace
1659THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree
1660maybe instead of a toaster they shoul call it a "Toast cooker" #normalMansThoughts
1661please stop sending pictures of girls urinating to my house. it ws funny when i was 16 but now it is affecting my standing within the church
1662worse than goldman sachs: secret tapes of me bleating like a shit-covered animal because time magazine refuses to publish my meemes
1663plaese help my loathsome son find a professional who will tattoo the cheesecake factory logo onto his chest with no backtalk or jokes
1664im so insanely hyperintelligent from spending 14hrs a day absorbing Twitter knowledge that im no longer amused by nmovies about 3d animals
1665my name is Destyn. i build crossbows and sell weed to all your dads and im 15
1666listen son, if someone calls you a horses ass, you look him in the eye and tell him "horses asses are actually incredibly strong, and clean"
1667i love haivng my face and head spit shined by army men while i am trying to play rpgs professionally and efficiently in my beanbag chair
1668measure to approve massive depressing statue in the center of town depicting an emaciated mayor carrying a boulder that says "My Sons" on it
1669archeologists in the year 4500 AD dig up a massive gym locker containing mummies of the 15 nerds who visited my website using a nintendo wii
1670"peppa pig" is the latest children's TV show that my followers cant wait to see ripped to shreds by my high IQ intelligence, live on my feed
1671"Device Lets Fully Paralyzed Rats Walk Again" -bunkum. i for one will not put up with this resurgence of walking rats and my followers agree
1672yell prayers to the lord our god http://t.co/cVC08pyfBy
1673it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again
1674((frowning) cause im the Apps Man (depression) YEah yeah im the apps man
1675everyone on this site thinks they're hard core but i bet if they took poison to weaken their bodies i would win fights against them handily
1676HandsomeTruthTeller, Your YouTube account has been suspended for the following reasons: Extortion, Treason,
1677"i think that, if every American had a math book in his hand, instead of the big gulp, we would be in a better place, of the country." -Dril
1678hank williams jr fired from his new job of yelling in front of a chrysler dealership for calling esteemed justice sonia sotomayor a Swindler
1679"All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight" is a song written and recorded by American country music performer Hank Williams, Jr
1680my dick hits all the wrong notes and smells like newsPaper
1681==ultimate mom pics==
1682Hell is Real http://t.co/8JRZNMkgrn
1683"[Tipping] is...the last refuge of toads" - Thomas Jefferson "Do not tip the waitress" - Monroe "i dont tip bitch. Reblog this" - John Adams
1684i see this well has run dry. time to saddle up and mosey along #TheProcess http://t.co/jwCXvyIsqQ
1685fuck you. dont you know who i am. im the big palooka who eats frozen dumplings on 24/7 live cam while people clal the swat team on me
1686Monsanto Yes #MonsantoYes
1687Beat the shit out of the football. Beat the shit out of the football. Beat the shit out of the football. 11 43 22 36 hothothothot
1688im about to get my piss tested for steroids. if they find steroids in there then ill start drinking it instead of going to the steroid store
1689twittter posts a net loss of hundreds of millions of dollars each year just while i post highfalutin messages about my dick and ass
1690boy's in summertime... http://t.co/PK5V0t5QeV
1691sometimes i wonder what this place would be like if i wasnt around to call bull shit on all the jokers... probably the 9/11 crater but worse
1692imagine how fucked uop it would be to have a brain and be able to form thoughts
1693im a fruad. i wear the wrangler jeans despite never having wrangled a single goddamn thing in my life
1694#SendMeToDerpConBecause im Rat
1695i attached a middle finger to each blade of my ceiling fan and i make it spin even when it's cold inside because it looks very much bad ass
1696mmy masters in agricultural science was just deemed invalid after footage arose of me dying
1697i was better in the 90s before my account was bought by the actual ku klux klan & placed in a granite sphere surrounded by castrated pikemen
1698my father is a coach of football , best sport in the nfl, and i will kill you if you put onions in my salad
1699what donest kill me makes me stronger ((gains infinite strength from being not killed by infinite things))
1700dont even know how people are able to engage Thought Leaders on here with all these trollsters, hoopla rousers and clowny boys running loose
1701people think people smoke weed because it tastes good. well i'm here to tell you that people like it because it gets you drunk asap
1702"WORM ASS" national prison made me into the man i am today. i would still be desecrating crypts be it not for the fine policemen of worm ass
1703there's currently an image of an unidentified nude man making the rounds on several online circuits. please beware
1704you can put truck nuts on other things besides trucks idiot
1705and now to tackle celebrity tom cruise's claims that I look like "an eggplant with progeria". **crracks knluckles* that's uh, a fallacy
1706thinking of getting 1 of those Yes icons on my avatar so I can just point to it when people ask me if im strong enough to carry my adult son
1707im developing an app called "mr. beer". you can use it to ask mr. beer if beer is his favorite drink and he might say yes. mr. beer 2015
1708"my daughter is dying. Help" no. i wil never sellout "kfc's making a burrito out of pigeon turds. hit us up with that signal boost" hell yes
1709i have posted at length regarding my inane balls at the cost of my family, my career and my dignity. the least you can do is rack up my Favs
1710im getting my rat tail chrome plated in 2015
1711THE BIG MONEY MAKERS BET ON ISIS EVERY TIME
1712THHEYRE GOING TO MAKE A LOT OF FUCKING BUILDINGS IN TH NEXST COMING YEARS SO MAKE SURE TO INVEST A LOT OF MONEY IN WOOD
1713*readign own timeline* holy fuckin shit this guy should be the new dick clark or something instead of posting these on the computer for free
1714i think if we lower the legal army age to maybe llike, 12, we will see a sharp decrease in recreational nudity
1715THank u all, for sharing the Online experience with me. Pretty damn good if i do say so my self. Aahh, just breathe it in. I'm illiterate
1716
1717"please post more of these" "ok"
1718
1719
1720
1721terriffic news lads. i invented my own ebola virus by lying face down on my rancid carpet 11 hours a day
1722#ClickingMyMouse
1723really lookjing forward to going through puberty again and becoming a cop
1724i may be a dim-witted narcissist but at least i hafve really good opinions about life and other things
1725(Whimsical) i love to piss , right there in my big sweatpants (Serious) No. The toilet is the only place for piss
1726im making a good version of "sky captain and the world of tomorrow" called "sky captain caveman killer"
1727**kicks a plant over because of something a celeb did* fucking ass hole *vomits into the refrigerator because the new iphone is bad* shit
1728grinning like a shit eating bastard on the bus because i found the exact combination of words that will obliterate budweiser when i tweet it
1729hell of a week folks. first the apple press conference fails to impress me and now it's 9/11. whats next
1730Some may say iim considered, the Bad Boy of controversy
1731the latest from rex freeway http://t.co/wQTK4Kj3zO
1732film your wives you god damn morons. im paying top dollar for wife footage
1733dick stuck in a moth ball
1734please contact your cybersenators and tell them to tear down the bad computers
1735sick of our media's unrealistic portrayal of Boomerangs , which are weak as shit in real life
1736#AboveCowards
1737list of activities enhanced by fingerless gloves: advanced keyboard & mouse manipulation, burying face in hands, wiping my as, pointing
1738koko the talking ape.. has been living high on the hog, wasting our tax dollars on high capacity diapers. No more. i will suplex that beast,
1739http://t.co/xCdU78APSJ
1740climmbing the power lines until i am less pissed off
1741i see how ti is. i provide the best content online to all my girl followers but when i ask to live with them for free they leave me for DEAd
1742leaked footage of me taking my dick off and puttingg it in a glass of polident on my nightstand before bed
1743i cough and sneeze into the toilet like a smart adult
1744bazooka joe... habve you seen this guy. fuck him. he talks shit even though his comic strip is printed on garbage instead of a newspaper
1745adult man stuck in glue trap given a stern talking-to from his rich uncle
1746this brief column about portion control written by the voice actor of "Gumby" will chane your life...
1747DivorceLiker
1748"THe Beatles" have been cancelled, everyone. they will be replaced by me standing on stage for an hour, making my dick shrink on command
1749cant wait until work is over so i can stop sitting in front of this monitor and sit in front og the monitor at home which is 3 inches bigger
1750i have reported the nude celebs to the Motion Picture Association of America, and the oscars. the situation is under control thanks to me
1751sick of hearing about the head honcho. what aobut the legs honcho. or the ass honcho. that's my opinion on honcho. thank you for reading it
1752indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find me on the floor fucking a styrofoam container
1753head fully immersed in kfc bucket filled with hidden valley ranch dressing and m&ms. brand engagement locked in at one hundred percent
1754proof of same...... http://t.co/cjzBWlvgKn
1755DAD: your baby brothers missing, please put down the controller. help us find him ME: Did u read the news. Gaming is a legitinmate hobby now
1756inexperienced shit taker here. need someone to hold my hands while i squat to ensure i dont fall backwards into my own mess. preferably girl
1757i pay $5000 for a high end cpu just to get disrespected on my own god damn feed
1758lets piSS UP A TOWN!! Everoryone reading this, lets all choose one small town randomly and publicly urinate all over it. Combine our piss
1759"insane clown posse? ?" Hm. *smirking, now* Sounds like a certain web site, that i see
1760everyone who says my dick looks like a marshmallow has obviously never seen one before. do marshmallows have urethras in them, or balls?? no
1761i am actually the first guy who came up with the "aliens who smoke weed" joke, back in 2011
1762tyler durden and the Joker and 007 agent james bond take turn beating up my ex-wifes car while i say "Cool" and "This is fine"
1763(does some notes on a guitar) I Have been through my life a good man. I am a clever man (does some more notes and fucks it up) I m nice too
1764i am selling six beautfiul, extremely ill, white horses. they no longer recognize me as their father, and are the Burden of my life
1765obama needs to stop writing constitutions or whatever and help my failing business sell rat hair to imbeciles
1766"the definition of shuriken is extremely broad & encompasses any thrown weapon. a chair can be shuriken, for instance. a birdbath"-UncleHalo
1767i support UncleHalo's idea to replace the united states penny with shuriken
1768Although listed as a baby cowboy hat it is actually more the size for a 5-6 year old child. Needlessly to say, I returned it for a refund.
1769wow i just dropped a bowling ball & out of all the billions of places it could have landed it hit me straight in the dick #GlitchInTheMatrix
1770grandmom kicked me out of the house because she caught me waterboarding an extremely small man
1771HOT NEW VID -- CYBERDUNCE EVISCERATED BY ERROR PROMPT ON LAPTOP -- #TOPFAILS -- #TOPAWKWARD - FUCKING IDIOT - WATCH HIM CLICK "OK"
1772if i had a billion dollars id get wall-to-wall carpeting in my bathroom and donate the rest of it to the army
1773attn: fucked up t-shirts incorporated-- get me a tweety bird with devil horns saying "I refuse to pay for a car wash"
1774i call this next 18-tweet series "The Ice Bucket Challenge, But With Piss, Instead"
1775cant wait to dip a paint roller in my preferred brand of beer and suck it like a big yeti dick
1776im trapped undermeath thousands of hissing metal pipes but im, still going to do my updates on here
1777i burned 100 extra calories today just by thinking aobut asses
1778i hae received my 3rd warning about squeezing the toilet paper too hard at the store. acme markets has declared war on my strength training
1779by ripping my phone book in half I have not only proven im strong, but that Im also a cool independent guy who doesn't need to call anybody
1780the cops need poison stun knives so they ca n arrest me harder, and every police cruiser should contain a coffin full of beer #MyNiceOpinion
1781im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw
1782let's talk about planes now. the pilots are flying them up too damn high. it's dangerous. I don't like it. got to make them lower
1783sometimes it seems like i'm the only person who cares about, intelligence-related things, on the entire online.
1784detective sherlock holmes examines my crass pud with a magnifying glass and calls it a piece of shit
1785people shoot me a lot of Grief just because my wife is a stolen bar urinal with yogi bear's face printed abovbe the drain,. and they should
1786most undergarments were invented and popularized by religious folk who deemed that jeans and denim were too sacred to touch the ass directly
1787spike tv is showing some good vids of dudes urinating and im stuck here at work yelling at saudi arabians on the phone for $156.00 an hour
178815 reasons why Comcast,m the company voted the worst in america, is actually the best one, and Here's Why:
1789i basically love to catch all the shit that falls off of peoples hamburgers with one of those tiny nets they use to scoop up goldfish
1790100% body fat, 49 year old, normal Male. good at turning purple while lifting boulders and dropping them in ex-wife's driveway. Army strong
1791my dick touched the floor by accident. im a god damned foolish imbecile
1792let's be real. they should mkae a less ignorant version of the teen choice awards, and i should win one of them for coming up with the idea.
1793yeah thats right babe... im in the shower right niow.. wearing nothin but a neon green tracksuit, and some belts
1794blurays is a game changer. look for the bluray disks, at the store.
1795going to be doing some extremely powerful introspective poses on the railroad track for the next couple hours, so please cancel all trains
1796CONFIRmed in corocoro magazaine: "Donkey kong is Diddy kong's Mom". gamers i can assure you this is the most tantalizing gender scandal yet.
1797this guys losin his mind. theres just so much quality shit on here http://t.co/gdVEIr3DLe
1798custom long john silvers gift certificate that says "Partyboy" on it plealse
1799oop, autocorrect got me. what i meant to say was "i cant wait to eat shit right out of the sewer and suck some outrageously gay clown dicks"
1800one, of, the , reasons, my, dick, is, not, good, is, because, there, are, stains, on, it,
1801im sorry but if you continue to spit tobacco down my exposed ass crack I will be forced to stop unclogging your garbage disposal for no pay
1802(shoots all whistleblowers with the doom 2 bfg gun) thats what u get for disrespecting your jobs & bosses amd making a mockery of Employment
1803KLEBOLD: Wtf is this shit HARRIS: "Wii Sports Resort"? U call urself a gamer? LANZA: ... KLEBOLD: Get these fuckin trashbags off the windows
1804bring me your dead pet and i will make a sword out of it for $39
1805attn : man with "Pedobear" car decal who cut me off at 70mph on i-295 -- nicely donme. Superb
1806"my mario tip: Anything is possible in the world of Mario." - my mario tip
1807seeing the hospital workers dreessed in pajamas?? like "seriously?" im a sleepys mattress professional. id get killed for wearing that trash
1808nerd with lame attitude: North Korea is bad Me: Have you ever lived there. nerd: (his glasses fall off) Me: Catch you later
1809i think police should get extensive background checks so that i can hire all fo the most insane, mentally ill cops as my personal bodyguards
1810do speak to me about the economy, Cuisine trends, and middle east things. dont speak to me abou joe dirts balls, and killing me.
1811"durr lets leberage each others brands" "dahh okay" ((the two men rub their asses together while licking the screens of their web tablets)
1812cant wait til my teeth fall out so i can get those new gamer dentures that all the chatrooms are screaming about
1813thje opening riff of "Life In The Fast Lane" repeats over and over forever while me and the boys shoot at a septic tank with airsoft rifles
1814ive narrowed it down to the church of scientology & the united states marines. whichever one allows me to jerk off more wins the tiebreaker
1815whats the job where you dress up like a michelin man and get attacked by vicious dogs. anyway thats the thing i spent $800000 at college for
1816breastfeed a celeb today
1817im really mad that we as a society constantly allow our celebs to starve to death in the creul and unforgiving wilderness
1818S.O.S Save Our Selebs
1819very concerned about celeb s
1820you've disgraced the uniform of Police. hand me your badge, gun, hat, knife, belt buckle, cowboyboots, laser whip, bullet purse, cock ring,
1821kkkjoiner asserts that theres a secret mcdonalds buried under the school and it sells guns too. thats uh, made up. thats a big crack of shit
1822The b est shit I ever did was shatter all the windows in a room just by doing a perfect somersault
1823heads up: they got free toilets at mcdonalds now
1824you are my commander and ch ief... always.. always.. http://t.co/CNFNFSGDrw
1825if by some circumstance i was given the winning lotery numbers, i would not use them, for the lottery is a sacred institution #GoodBoyThings
1826instead of fumbling around with a wallet i like to carry my cash and credit cards in a huge green trash bag bulging out of my shirt pocket
1827it would be somewhat fucking good if all the girls on this site printed my avatar out and started kiissing it ,as a joke
1828i do not know the official name of the pringles man. but it is NOT "bruce pringles", as the trolls often assert,
1829the pringles man is the ghost of uncle pennybag, the monopoly man. this is the first opinion ive ever posted so please be gentle. #BrandLore
1830jay leno does not urinate in his cars. do not put that idea in my head. i would die protecTing jay lenos cars from urine
1831i had my jeans bronzed as an infant. and they still fit mother fucker
1832foghorn leghorn argentino unofficial
1833in hell you are forced to smoke weed
1834i want to take one of those cruises where people shit right there on the boat but apparently they only happen randomly as a surpris,e
1835dominating thte buffet table with a pair of Sai
1836spending my weekend retooling a joke about fucking the tiny hole in the bathroom sink that prevents the water level from increasing toom uch
1837[apps help us day to day in our lifes... but some men have twisted the apps to fulfill their oqwn selfish desires. beware these 'dark apps']
1838awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far
1839nice smart car. now about im going to murder it with my cow boy whip
1840"auuahuhuh" some nerd who wears glasses probably right now
1841bread has never been good. let it be known on here that i will never eat the shit food bread.
1842(crying now ) my friend QuiznosMale needs lijke 2000 sq ft of carpet by thursday and none of you are helping him with the carpet
1843Hell Yes;. the army is putting me and my guns on a plane back to iraq. Thius is like real life DLC
1844i got a big wet piece of corn and the cob in my bindle and i cant wait to run it over with my truck after im done chewing on it
1845i am going to plunge a sword into our bed and officially end outr 40 yr marriage if you do not stop yelling while i am recording my stream's
1846being in full control of tthe shit that shows up on my computer monitor makes me feel like a sort of twisted conductor. .. or perhaps, God.
1847when the trolls have my internet access removed i will not allow that to end the content flow. i will nail my insipid "Tweets" to my car
1848iwant to outfit the scope on my sniper rifle with net flicks
1849to the longhorn steakhouse which refused to serve me: a bib most certainly counts as a shirt
1850a "keg" is teenspeak for a large barrel of the vile drug known as "Beer". they can be as tall as 12 ft and are often used to crush policemen
1851when will the supreme court weigh in on people who jack off to feet
1852Doctor: Gaming will one day kill u, Vance. Vance: I Dont care and im going to murder you Doctor: I am willing to die to make you stop gaming
1853by day i'm a mild mannered toilet specialist, but when i pick up the contorller i become Vance Hardgamer, rreal life murderer extraordinaire
1854scorlling through massive amounts of online clutter empowers me
1855nice no true scotsman fallacy. hm, typical tu quoque fallacy. ah, the classic "grab me by the ears & crack my face with your knee" fallacy,
1856i call evbery four-legged animal I see a dog and I am correct more often than not so I will never stop
1857they should make dunce caps that have positive reaffirming words on them, like "speed demon" or "Wolf"
1858going to burn dOwn my power lines and go off the grid for a bit until all the smug butthurt drama fedorra script kiddy fanboys take a hike,
1859all girls on this website... im here to protect u from online swearing... pleae... please understand..
1860llove saying "damn"
1861some times it's the small things that are good #Truth_In_Life #Deals #Abominable http://t.co/jKgDkdYEzZ
1862please remember to click on the things i post here to see how many favs they got and to sneak a peek at the buzz that they are generating.
1863(i shoot you with massive plasma cannon that sounds like a jet endgine when i shoot it and turns you into blood instantly)suprise fuck face!
1864barney doesnt actually die. he just becomes more and more obscured by bulletholes until i close the window. hes still smiling. fuck this app
1865i weawr blackface while i game to improve performance. i have no intention of racist. That will be the final post before i turn my phone off
1866im going to have to put the tiny padlock next to my username until people stop oppenly disparaging the Food Pyramid
1867ive accepted that i will have to reincarnate into shitty microorganisms like 50 quadrillion times before i become something cool like an ant
1868i love having molotov cocktails trown at me in the cyber cafe-- not. idiot
1869kfc sextuple down is back. pieces of lettuce and tomato encased in perfect cube of processed bird. "The most vile fucking thing imaginable"
1870((speaking too close to the microphone at press conference)I have never watched a single episode of the Teletubbies. They look like fools
1871a man does a wheelie past you in a motorcycle. the back of his jacket says "TAKE DOWN THE POSTS"
1872please stop saying barnum & bailey is suing me for "stealing their clown routine". they are suing me for very serious and legitimate reasons
1873fucking.. actual yes http://t.co/eRm6R1S0lu
1874lvoe to perform aerial leg drops on the referee
1875i left a diaper filled with pulled pork at 1 randomly selected radio shack in the united states. whoever finds it gets to #BringHomeTheBacon
1876the only crime dick cheney committed was being born into a world where goofusmouths are allowed to flap their gumms at true mighty armymen
1877U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover".
1878my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me
1879i did certainly tilt my entire hosue 45 degrees just so i could install a zipline from my orthopedic gamer cushion to the toilet
1880surgury to become japanese. Surgeruy to become Japanese
1881Doctor Who: Fucking athesit piece of shit. Admit god is real NOW*Waterboards him* Atheist: No!! I dont want to Dr Who: Im going to kill you
1882im crying because doctors banned the cure for low T again
1883you gotta cut the shrimp down the middle to get that good turd out,
1884FULLY IMMERSED IN THE TIME LINE-- AH DEAR LORD
1885advising everyone on this dumb ass website not to block me to ensure that my sub par written word can reach your grubby shit smeared devices
1886the emerald nuts corporation deducts my pay substantially for each death thrreat i receive so please stop it
1887i will skewer the trolls at last by scanning a legal document whichc states that it is entirely permissible for me to weep openly at perkins
1888i get dozens of compliments about my perfect ears every day. it's llike Shut the fuck up. Im trying to eat a bagel in my car and you do this
1889i am indeed a friend to sports. let everyone who claims that i am not a friend to sports face the grin reaper
1890i can't post the reason i need a wife from this website by june 30 because that info is private. grow the fuck up. all of u
1891ok. i basicly need one of the girls on this website to marry me by june 30 and i am absolutely under zero obligation to send you pics of me,
1892my combat jeans deflect most bow and arrows shots and also prevent me from thinking about sex
1893good to online shop http://t.co/O03IU6pZmJ
1894feeling extremly threatened by gamerscores
1895if you like the band sex pistols you will also enjoy my band called "the gun pistols"
1896Respectfully, The Tim Hortons Nihilist
1897i'm going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that everoyne forgives me for trying
1898attention all cops on reddit who have murdered people ; was it Awkward? what gun did you use. did you get a promotion
1899i live for the tears of all baby huey fanboys. their suffering is more essential to my being than the blood flowing through my veins
1900oh whatd this?? another death threat in my inbox? well know this, i fear a world of subpar bird tyranny more than death
1901i will nevr add baby huey to the famous bird list. he wouldnt even make top 40. i will NOT back down on this, U obnoxious, ungrateful pricks
1902please God if you're out there I ask that you turn my praying hands into bird seed so that I can no longer bother you with dumb ass reqUests
1903i did eat an ant farm once
1904(fantasizing about dangling off hood of my moving car adn touching the truck nuts on the jeep in front of me with tongue) hell yea, actually
1905now that all of my last-gen hardware is completely obscured by Animal shit , #e3 2014 may officially begin
1906probably, if I got night terrors constantly id just say something like "This is fuckin cool" instead of taking all kinds of pills and shit
1907how would u like a taste of fuckin basooka ammo!!! or else!!
1908#OpenCarryGamestop http://t.co/FBgdCAunvG
1909*sees the e3 logo on a website, tthrows head back and screams the word "Epic" before immediately defaulting to aberrant emotionless state*
1910most famous birds: 1.Krfc 2. talking parrot who said "i love you" the night he died 3. thanksgiving turkey 4. tweety bird 4(Tie). Phoenix
1911two truths & a lie: (1) i use the fatsuit from big momma house 2 as a corset (2) im in trouble at the dump (3) please dont reprint this info
1912just the other day i was taking a bath and i saw a tiny tugboat in there leaving a chemtrail. i told it to fuck off. im a green beret gunman
1913will e3 have designated crying booths. im sick of crying in the bathroom where people shit.
1914but enough about my dick. today, I would like to talk to all of you about the Toilet.
1915Im goig to drive a nail through my cock to promote ABC's "The Middle"", and I will be paid $18 for doing it.
1916kudos to FX for promoting a tweet with horrible eyeball gore for some bad tv show aand pissing off a bunch of ladies http://t.co/AWLuMk4akP
1917a series of incurable skin conditions have caused my dick to look like Darth Maul's dick, and that's the only good thing about me
1918.ower i know yorure online. i know you've been stealing handfuls of gravel from my driveway and hiding them in your big shirt
1919casually discarding styrofoam container filled with buffalo wing remnants into the passing stroller of a baby
1920as torrents of horse piss splatter clamorously onto my forehead I scream in absolute torment but make no attempt to move or cover my face
1921dont really care if my gaming chamber has black Mold all over it.. ill just curpstomp pubbies with my shirt pulled up over my nmose
1922i would sooner die than relinquish ownership of my dale carnegie mousepad to either of my fat sons
1923i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my "trolls", as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups
1924im joining the army and then im joining ufc if im not too fucked up from the army. and thats the cold facts
1925just kidding. i'm normal intelligence
1926let's all kick the BTK killer's ass, all of us who make the good tweets,. we've got to meet up and beat the BTK killer's ass and go on dates
1927blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
1928i'm pisser #1 http://t.co/a9Fz0kxh8h
1929checking my computer chiar for GPS Trackers, left by ex-wife or cops
1930copy puste this if you think that rhinos can kick humans ass ,even if humans are using the guns.
1931my nudes.. have strengthened my brand. apparently barkeepers glue them to the back of their urinals to stop people from pissing on the floor
1932"if youu die in hell you die in real life" - demon philosopher matthew
1933the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron"
1934ANGRRY FUCKIN BIRDS.... HOLY... I CAN'T EVEN. .
1935just me again reminding all of you seriousyl dumb motherfuckers to get your daily sperm count. some of you are walking around with weak cum.
1936cleanning my assault rifles with wads of toilet paper
1937infinite amount of alternate universes where i shit my pants during my wedding which will only go away if i break stephen hawking's computer
1938"oh this?? im only wearing this shit in case i need something to wipe my ass with"-something i just said to impress all my shirtless friends
1939oh and also thanks for the troops
1940and dildos do not count. any schmuck can put a dildo in its mouth. that is the coward's method
1941regarding hideous new happy meal box: has anyone put their dick in its mouth and took a pic yet. will they send me coupons for being the 1st
1942the onl thing i can drink without vomiting anymore is diet peach snapple mixed with skim milk and breadcrumbs
1943water is fucking gross. it tastes like nothing. assholes drink it
1944baby food > cat food > human food > dog food. just the oipinion of me
1945THE COMMON IMBECILE: the movie "cars 2" is better than the movie "cars 1" ME: alas this nation has truly gone, to the dogs!!!!
1946sorry grandma. your laptop was good but i shattered it into 1 million shards after i saw someone say SEO stood for "shit eater optimization"
1947if youre that guy who emailed me last month asking to be my "intern" come forward so me & my rich friends can smack tennis balls at your ass
1948interseting. it appears "emotions" were basically just rrage faces that people did in real life, before online existed,
1949moseying up to the girl on campus and whispering in her ear "got that fuckin pizza hut p'zone in my backpac" and straining my face intesnely
1950i'm convinced that people only favorite my tweets so that they can use them to fuck me over in court at a later time, since they're not good
1951please wellcome Irony Cowbell to the world, my beautiful newborn daughter who will be named that forever
1952ived hacked into your beeper, champ. enjoy your inopportune beeping
1953i've decided to open my account back up after a brief cooldown session with lobsterfest_ralph.
1954this has gone too far. im closing my account until people stop accusing me of being mad. i will also spend most of my time offline laughing
1955im about to loose my shit if my feed doesnt slow down with th fucking posts. nobody could possibly read this fast. this is a travesty
1956my world renowned "miserable adult cam" feature has been removed due to complaints
1957spit takes are funny but if you do them in real life people will call you ass hole
1958i am a local politician and i just want to lick this fucking ridiculous huge lollipop without people photographing me and ruining my career
1959your post has bbeen Hotbugged by DipShitx666
1960"________ favorited a photo you were tagged in " SDONT YOU FUCKING DARE
1961just made a cool $30.00 from leting scientists hook me up with electrodes and watch me Game for 16 hours #IsThisHeaven
1962"hello 911 I need a moat dug around my house immediately" "sir this line is for emergencies only" "Thuis is an emergency moat"
1963i know thiis isnt the popular circle jerk opinion, but people who swear while speaking to the 911 operator are gross
1964probably like 4 of the wildfires from the news were caused by my shitty extension cords used for Nature Gaming. ha ha ha sorry firefighter's
1965my guest bathroom has 99 fake toilets and one real toilet and i use it to test the toilet abilities of all my guests
1966boycott all games that don't let me play as a cop
1967who ever told me that kim dot com's secret doge coin stash was bureid under the roof of my house is an idiot. i just dug a hole to. my house
1968please contact me if you own one of the six corporations who controls 90% of the american media or if you're of the dragen race
1969 Gudetama Sanrio English
1970ass is the most poisonous part of the human
1971my mansion sucks
1972ive already accepted that im going to hell because I mispronounced church as "gurtch" once
1973im tierd of extroverts crucifying me and my cool introvert friends
1974confidently reclining in my seat after calling my onlinw adversary a "shitbarn"
1975my opponent's eccentricities are well known. hes probably the one who drank bird bath. he is on record as calling birdbath water "bird juice
1976the latest rumor ;which i dont even care to discuss or give a shit about, is that i was seen drinking out of a bird bath on easter sunday
1977also, the cop zone feature is done now
1978sorry, for a second there i thaught the real hank hill retweeted me.
1979(bored in apartment on two week administrative leave after nuking a 14 year old girl with a napalm launcher) THIS FUCKIN SUX !!!!!
1980i love to use fists, poison spray, or gun agaisnt the citizens, depending on how mad i am
1981---------------- COP ZONE ----------------
1982i want to tattoo ancient Runes onto a dolphin
1983danzeisen: i need the logo to be a shitting ass quigley: but were a sports company danzeisen: draw that ass up pronto http://t.co/HFI2PaIDUG
1984i dont understand trash talk. i t think everyone should just agree with each other. it's easy
1985drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,
1986↑↑↑ U Are Now Cybernetically Engaged Via Intercom Uplink To The Realm Of TheBeerPope ↑↑↑
1987they just said on the news that there's a group of hooded grotto dwellers who are legally changing people's names to "Beezo" posthumously
1988in my version of indiana jones he shoots the boulder with a sniper rifle hundreds of times instead of running away from it
1989yu fucking idiot i wanted to make a sniper rifle out of those toilet paper tubes and now that theyve touched the trash theyre no good to me
1990billions of people are shitting and pissing everyday. it's too many. it';s poisoning the earth. consult your laywer before using the toilet
1991u know irt's a Monday when you rear-end a cop car and your trunk pops open, launching 500 or so jars of piss onto another cop car behind you
1992it is absolutely impossible to leave smartass comments on my page and lead a happy, fulfilling life at the same time. i need to believe this
1993the us government has its top men working day and night to invent a paper towel that is large enough to wrap me up and dispose of me
1994the family gathers around the PC to run a google image search for "invader zim crying"
1995BACOn is some fairly good and epic shit !! Wow http://t.co/hHxvEWwHxr
1996My (new) Twitter value is $0, according to http://t.co/zzZzntzRrD ... What about yours?
1997once again its up to me to take the high road. while everyones making jokes of the fat weed smoker mayor ill be whipping myself in his honor
1998i dont trust banks. especially the pig shaped ones
1999daily reminder that i wear a suit and tie daily eeven though I have not set foot in public for over 16 years #GoodBoy #Hansdome
2000i will say this. when I finally ascend to the final plane of consciousness .nerds will get extremely yelled at
2001 baby mario is not mario's son in 2014
2002"guns are the most inportant weapon of our time. lock and load. see you at the Range." - anonymous
2003donald trump has no time to fuck. he looks at his watch and says "i could not possibly fuck at this juncture." as he powerwalks into the zoo
2004Sorry fucked up
2005It's Saturday night. Hand me the cold one fellas
2006popular youtube user "LunchPhreak22" often enjoys "Phreaking" his lunches by poisoning them for the amusement of his viewers
2007i wont let nasa sent me to mars [does the dx cross chop with guns] fuckin alright
2008metal chains begin to fly out of every hole of my computer while i scream like a fucking iddiot in a child's comedy film
2009joke's on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn't filled with bloodm, it's victory wine
2010 +||+||+||+ HAcKeD by KFCDominica +||+||+||+ ,,\,, Fuk U ..\.. +||+||+||+ ︻デ┳═ー /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ - /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿
2011me: i dont even care if they cancel sports howard stern: Thats wild
2012speaking of war crimes, some say the white flag of surrender was inspired by a piece of toilet paper dangling pitifully from my ass
2013"Ur honor, if Mr Pibb was truly this man's uncle, then surely hed be able to dazzle us with Pibb Merch" JUDGE:damn he's right. No Pibb Merch
2014average person online: Durr!! Durr!! Me: That makes no sens.e Please be reasonable and not post the most inmature shit.
2015dis charged from the army for doing memes too much
2016please check out my new article "Allergy Season is Fucking Good Actually" which will shatter your precious little minds and make yo'u cry
2017nnone of you are supposed to read these
2018im the smart adult with my shirt pulled over my head so I can play holdum poker on my phone with out having my performance affected by glare
2019i will be at bradlees dept store promoting my new line of mustards for the next 16 hrs and I ask that nobody tries to assassinate me please
2020[man leans into doorway of WTC bathroom] "Hey, you gotta finish up in there. 9/11 is happening." "Alright. Just a sec."
2021i will devour all sinners in the name of all polite boys online
2022where were you when Pibb_Lord_Janus posted his epic takedown of "Betty Boop"
2023juust not in the mood for content today... not while my fellows are being hunted down in the street like dog 's just for preferring Blu Ray-
2024actually, i have big red burn marks on my ass for a cool reason. i fucked up smoking a ciggerate
2025why would anyone want to put hell on wheels. what kind of satan would allow this
2026there is no football position known as "Sniper". ive been tricked by this load of crap
2027content 2 http://t.co/hST5OWjymR
2028mn, http://t.co/NdnbekAZDO
2029i cannot die... not toda.y.. there's still so much SUperbly Awkward Shit to reblog
2030some opf the things people put on this website set off the old "BULL SHIT" detector.....
2031id like to report an error of the googleglass please. if you accidentally wear it backwards it sends video of a big horrible eye to everyone
2032i'm wild about Setups
2033i receive a generous amount of funds from the US government, as they believe that my good tweets are an effectuive deterrent to masturbation
2034uh oh... think I feel another BIEBBER RANT coming on !! #TheFamousBieberRant #MyBreadAndButter
2035just give me one hour and no swear filter and i can literally completely destroy anyone psychologically with aim instant messenge
2036i am sick and tired of having my page mocked just because ihave a lot of good opinions on apps, on hashtags, and all of that good shit
2037ARMYMAN: the US military now Officially endorses cruel and unusual torture agianst qdoba fanboys and Ignorant-Minded people ME: b-b...badass
2038wiping your teeth down with toilet paper or giving them a quick spray with the hose; that's the good shit. toothpaste is flim flam from hell
2039please put a helipad on my shitty roof
2040handsome single adutl man contracts scurvy after eating nothing but oscar mayer lunchables for 4 years and blames his dentist
2041the asimo robot is full of rats. nobody ever washes it
2042cops need grenades. doinate all of your hand grenades to the local police force or face insane cop torture forever
2043asimo is a weakling. it cannot stand up while being punched. they didnt program it to fight or defend itself. i will probably win this
2044i'm going to beat the shit out of asimo. im gping to knock it on its ass while its trying to use a staircase at a trade show. dreadful beast
2045im going to power up my content in this year 2014 by divorcing my wife and crowdsorsing a new gfx card for me. thats my guarantee
2046i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
2047i swear to everyone on this site that i am truly, truly a good and compassionate person, and i have a completely normal dick that isnt small
2048well i believe its time to ugly up my face with some techno baby bullshit to show everyone how unapologetically humorless i am #throughglass
2049my dimwit sons love it when i drop them off at the car dealership for 7 hours while i cruise around for bargain's
2050Enjoy New and Exciting Recipes Including Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese and "Mac & Cheese Gone Wild".
2051Want to say thanks to PedophiliaMan for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold. Please select a payment method. PayPal BitCoin Credi
2052**shooting bow & arrow into huge pile of discarded diapers piercing like five or six of them with each shot* now that`s what i call Combos
2053the idea that people are still masturbating in 2014 is insanne, and utterly, asinine
2054i cried when the genealogy researcher told me this
2055just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "piss scoundrel" and spent most of his time being harassed by concerned citizens
2056online is sickos
2057im bad at running and moving around but my upper body speed is incredile
2058#IAmNotALiberalBecause im proud of my greasy, orange ejaculate
2059the ass cynic has posted a brutal 1 hour 40 minute takedown of my ass on youtube. im warning you not to click on it or you will get a virus.
2060ive got my eye on you matrix_gary.
2061i am closing down the craft brew wiki because i am being treated like a zoo animal and nobody gives to shits .
2062mantis is a small green dog. not bug #CancelColbert
2063#CancelColbert gangstalking me, collecting my piss, laughing it up with his fucked up buddies when I ask where my piss went, carrying on,
2064i approve of congres... i believe they are doing a very good job despite negative comments online
2065#RuinAChildrensBook i dont have a camera but rest assured that i ruined it & made sure that no child will ever derive emotion from its pages
2066*understands tthe full potential of the net all at once and stumbles backward wwhile struggling to breathe* christ,. my god
2067i love absorbing knowlegde from the expansive breadth of electronic information that exissts on this plane we call OnLine. its good to do it
2068some animal just uploaded about 40 or so uncircumcised dicks to my feed so im unfollowing everyone who isnt a business man or a cop
2069can I get into legal trouble for secretly filming myself on the toilet
2070my massive shoulder span constantly prevents my tiny ,malnourished ass from absorbing sunlight. my body is essentially at war with its self
2071i have cleaned all the dirt out of my fingernails and will be posting new pics of them shortly. i want to be liked on here.
2072taking my laptop into the Jungle...
2073fred phelps is still alive. and will continue to make trouble for all of us good people online. thats my beliefs...
2074my priceless stradivarius gaming keyboard... fcovered in policeman urine
2075adult man who must frequently be burped like an infant or else he will die
2076for a 2nd time, a user has threatened to go to the bathroom on me. ill tell u this. only way thatll happen is if ur leaving in the body bag.
2077"We will wipe out Twitter. I don't care what the international community says." "They will see the Turkish republic's strength," he added,
2078Turkey's prime minister has warned that he would eradicate Twitter after a number of audio recordings anonymously posted on social media pur
2079"Gamers" needs to grow the fuck up.
2080all of the rumors that i'm crying right now are: 1) bbutthurt 2) gross 3) KuKlux klan
2081my dream uncle would have the calves of an angel...and the thighs of a Devil
2082yerah i like to click on my mouse. so what
2083widgets. ... theres nothin quite like 'em #TechBoys
2084i have to clean myself with a dust devil because my bathtub is filled with sacks of rat chow and i believe that all of politics is hogwash
2085*produces a tiny book from coat pocket which lists every breed of dog that is legal to eat*
2086hoo boy... these guinea pigd love to shit. shouldn't have ordered the full dozen
2087motorists are advised not to touch the mattress. the cops are on their way to beat the snot out of it with hammers. do not interfere
2088theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of route 70. it's still there i think. check it out if you're in the area and you like mattres
2089curly is the most bullshit stooge. his antics are the least believable. moe and larry would have kicked him out of the stooges in real life
2090i lose about 6,000 followers eveory time i make one of my humiliating tweets. the cost of business
2091llove to look at a big slice of meatloaf and say "Damn it's good"
2092i hope my followers are remembering to urinate frequently, to ensure the proper disposal of bodily waste.
2093A Funny Dog Join Kurdish Tribe For A Dirty Dance .
2094*glances towards framed calligraphy print on wall which reads "NASCAR First" and nods goodly. *
2095you utter fool. od not come in here asking to see rocky's dick. that is not the spirit of philly
2096sorry i ruined Fucking talk like a pirate day by speaking at length upon my terrible mustard allergy which has caused countless pain of me.
2097i'm looking to be hiring a very nice girl to crack open pistachio nuts while i Game. must have clean fingernail.. no hucksters
2098my name is steve jobs. i am a successful ceo in charrge of the apple corporation. #Joke
2099im looking at bible, now.
2100single fellas-- do NOt jack off into the garbage disposal. it will jam up and make a horrible noise. use garbage bags instead
2101ive enclosed an image of judge judy and my stepdad kissing that I photoshopped to express my disapproval of the broken paintball gun verdict
2102there is a time and a place for clowns and it is called "CIRCUS". not the computer
2103my next good post is about egg salad. What in the shit?? are you egg or salad? Why is this good. Who's eating it. Check Please. uhhh
2104i get in my car and 100 men smear their asses up agsint my windshield and doors. Unbelievable. I'm late for work. This is clownish.
2105meanwhile im going to stay up all night and color my dick with markers
2106Sigh. the trolls are beating off their weiners again
2107brutally headbutting massive hoards of benghazi likers
2108eunuchoid 49yr man puting self up for adoption, please. unemployable due to frequent nosebleed. loves movies & Tech. thank u for reading it.
2109this is what a real mans hands look's like http://t.co/yjLlfqOi24
2110chating with lawyer on aol instant messenger.
2111i will annihilate all spoofs of me . i will take anyone who does spoofs of me or my beloved content to the court of criminal law.
2112apologies to guys named "clay". that's like one step above dirt
2113need to gain. concerned of my big boy status. dream of becoming Army Strong by the age of 35. rip me open another bag of tiny marshmellows
2114there are secret offices all over the country full of men in business attire who consume porn for 9 hrs and go home. they dont even jerk off
2115the joke is on you fuck face. i actually love getting screamed at and publicly shamed for my dumb-assed bull shit . I love apologizing
2116i've been spending the last 7 years of my life making a romhack of super mario rpg where everyone is pregnant. i expect to make $100 from it
2117to whoever changed my background pic to spider man with his dick out, thank you. im keeping it just to make you mad
2118ive never heard of this "europe" but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me
2119i am a Gentleman's Son and i deserve the big gravy boat
2120my pet iguana' s get angry at the same tv shows I do.... wierd but cool
2121just yanked 3 bundles of rebar off a construction site and into my truck. now im going to biuld my own pizza hut
2122it's Damn cold out there! Hope you got shirts #WebAndMediaContent #FrromTheContentBoy
2123Mentioning the woefully fated thursday nite rant feature to me constitutes harassment. Let's keep the trash out. I am a real journalist now.
2124me after getting curtains stuck in my waistband and pulling them off the wall: "ah fuck its happened again,ah, i am truly a shithead, oh no"
2125my favorite holiday is the one where you cover everything in plastic and turn the hose on indoors and just go wild
2126i have moved all of my bitcoins directly into my brain for safekeeping until all this nutso crap blows over
2127climbing the empire state building holding a giant baby bottle labeled "Muscle"
2128sipping some campbell's chunky soup from flask in coat pocket
2129discreetly enjoying a small amount of beer i hid in my gun
2130jsut want to take some shitty roll of wallpaper from the 70s and tell the Men's Warehouse to get their finest craftsman to make a suit of it
2131MAINSTREAM: Barney the dinosaur is some good shit. I like it. It's really good. ME: Barney the dinosaur is bunk. This is a show for children
2132thinkting of putting a sign up in front of my decrepit mississippi swamp house advising the band Pussy Riot to keepaway
2133if i were police i would send bugs bunny and his shit pals to prison for violating the constitutional order of the united states of america.
2134#AnimalTVShows pig fucker
2135#AnimalTVShows ape fucker
2136#AnimalTVShows dog fucker
2137*all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That's Weird
2138i just divined a glimpse of everyone who has ever unfollowed me talking at the bar, laughing about how bad my posts are & i fucking screamed
2139#TheThursdayNIteRant hashtag is now Public Domain. I am permitting twitte'rs worst users to sully it with unauthorized, low-quality rants.
2140Fuck #TheThursdayNiteRant and the bruise it has left upon my legacy. Fuck contracts and being tricked into signing them. Fuck Ruby Tuesdays.
2141i dont think the monster truck gravedigger has ever dug any actual graves. it would be a very disrespectful and loud way to do it
2142i feell like im being unfairly targeted during this paintball match just because im the only one wearing a tuxedo
2143any good jokes lately? yeah, the mirror. i mean your mirror. i mean your mirror, while you are standing in front of it & i'm not in the room
2144"How dare you post bullshit of Roy Rogers. Roy Rogers is screaming under the grave. I'm going to murder you." - Team Roy (Official Response)
2145"I envision a dining experience tailored specifically for the public masturbator. Therein lies the Soul of the Roy Rogers brand."-Roy Rogers
2146pop this into your browser for a quick smile : "urkel"
2147i love to frown upon bull shit
2148It has recently occurred to me that I am constantly being clowned on. The people I trust most have apparently been clowning on me for years.
2149Hot Pockets Yanked From Shelves for Containing ‘Diseased and Unsound Animals’ #AreYouTheOne
2150go to bed trolls. go to bed with your dip shit brigade.
2151intense dr pepper cravings from being mentally mpreg., check. dick looks like an ear from botched circumcison,chsck. 1 big purple arm, check
2152it is unfair that i should have to go to hell just because i was born with a pigs brain
2153i am interested ni "meme format". i am going to experiment in "meme format", to improve my page. http://t.co/UELlEWJlpo
2154Jacking off is a fool 's errand. I will instead opt to enjoy the films of Ice Age, Ice Age: The Meltdown and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.
2155me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to either die or prove a very important point
2156#TwitpicYourDunkContestReaction http://t.co/rtHgmE5A7n
2157i am constantly motivated to improve my content so that i'll someday be as good as the guy who got his dick stuck in a trampoline on youtube
2158if someone comes by asking if i would like to see pornography i say "hell yes". if someone offers me beer or wine i also say hell yes to it.
2159i will tell you this right now: I'm from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally
2160please let me edit my tweets so i can go back and remove every reference to pig piss and liking pig piss
2161#TheSaturdayMorningRamble cant do it anymore. the ramble has taken control of my life & my doctor has advised me to stop before it kills me
2162nobody at PepsiCo, the parent company of Pepsi & Frito-Lay, uses bathrooms. this comapny prides itself on hiring people who never shit.
2163dick fact no.77: my, dick is covered in clothes most of the time. this protects it from the elements as well as the gaze of my enemies
2164need some new Christian podcasts to listen to while cruising around in my fake cop car
2165might bring this tweet to the office― a guy drinks a cup of coffee but it's actually a gravy bowl by mistake?? is that appropriate for work
2166Im a goalie in personal life so I know a thing or two about deflecting personal attacks against my life as well as hockey pucks.
2167to the countless many Whom have plagiarized my hard work by using the retweet button "Thou art a Coward" !! i will beat your ass at the mall
2168I SO MUCH AS DIP MY NECK AROUND THIS LOG PAGE AND I AM FORCED TO ABSORB GALLONS OF VENOM FROM DISRESPECTFUL CIVILIAN VIPER SWINE #StopTheNSA
2169*loads up youtube playlist "Every Geico Ad Since 1999" sitting in ultimate gamer chair eating peanut m&ms with spoon* euauh! good shit, this
2170i was one of the villains in WWE. mmy name was "Loser Fuckface Nerd " and my catchphrase was "i cant fight them! theyre too strong"
2171me and the boys are going to watch the final leno and then watch every episode of leno in reverse. full return to thence Leno. #lenouroboros
2172a 90 year old man looks at hula hoops "they dont make'm like they used to" now hes all started up "theyre SHIT!! these are picees of SHIT!!"
2173i found a bunch of those bugs that roll up into little balls. i called the zoo & they refuse to take these horrible bugs away from my house
2174#TheSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes it is good to get off of the computer every once in awhile and spray garbage around the yard with a hose
2175jay leno was the last good boy on tv. he was my final connection to th e outside world. there is nothing stopping me from becoming feral now
2176Jesus christ. I;m so god damn sorry. This is so fucked up. It's a living nightmare. I am literally shaking. I have never felt such pain
2177I am a coward. I beg of your forgiveness. And please check out The Saturday Morning Ramble, which is still scheduled for release on Feb. 8
2178I didn't want it to end like thtis. I am so sorry. My hands were tied. The rants weren't getting enough Favs so the sponsor pulled the plug
2179I have a confession. THe leaking of six thursday nite rants on monday was a false flag operation designed to kill The Thursday Nite Rant.
2180it is phenomenally cruel of people to come onto this website, look at the posts on my private feed and share them with their shitlord pals .
2181bougt a bottle of "liquid ass" to teach my stepdad a lesson but i consumed the entire bottle by mistake. now i drink "liqiud ass" on the reg
2182i don't care about anybody's opinion unless it is good. before you type, please ask yourself. "Is my opinion good" if it's bad dont write it
2183yea everyone called me Dixie Cup for years juts cause I asked if it was alright to use a dixie cup as a condom in sex ed. im cool now though
2184my son has been combing his hair without permission. how do i cope with the pain
2185and i will state right now that these recent events bear no weight upon the popular "saturday morning ramble" feature. Thank you
2186my laywer is telling me that the bastard who hacked my account and leaked my rants is none other than edward snowden, known traitor to USA.
2187there is no recovering from this fiasco. the thursday nite rant, as we know it, is dead.
2188yo bartender!! we all know you filled my deink with ice so you can skimp on the good stuff. hows this grab ya: "No Tip" #TheThursdayNiteRant
2189"whodunit"?? how about we just call it a "murder mystery" insTead of resorting to that grammatical mess #TheThursdayNiteRant
2190STOP IT I CAN"T DELETE THEM
2191smiling is worthless. it has no value. nobody wants to see your damn teeth all the time. fuck you #TheThursdayNiteRant
2192my living room has more remote controls in it than NASA. its like you gotta be an astronaut just to watch the ball game #TheThursdayNiteRant
2193WAIT FUCK
2194why do clowns have such big shoes. that's not funny. it is just ignorant. no wonder circuses are dying #TheThursdayNiteRant
2195if I download just ONe more app I will need an APP to keep track of my APPS!!! #TheThursdayNiteRant
2196punxsutawney phillip seymour hoffman sees the shadow of death meaning 6 weeks of really good jokes like this one
2197i think that the dog version of the super bowl shoyuld show some god damn respect to the regular version of the super bowl
2198From here on, I will refer to the upcoming Super Bowl as the “Treason Bowl”.
219975% of the tweets on here are complete PishPosh. 20% is Networking and Implementation. the last 5%? Pure Content. #TheSaturdayMorningRamble
2200i cannot comprehend half of the things i read online but i'm smart enough to know that it is all really good
2201i live inside of the holy mecca cube and do all my good posts in there
2202the famous "dewey defeats truman" photograph except it's me holding up the hedaline that says jacking off cures prostate cancer
2203http://t.co/pt99s1DgAZ good
2204check the shit o n the lightbulb before using it. too many people are using the wrong voltage count and it;s too bright #TheThursdayNiteRant
2205Q: What is your Passion Sport? A: My Passion Sport is football and golf
2206i'm not allowed to participate in the olympics this year because i have "no discernible athletic talent" and my "dick looks chewed up"
2207group of young woman: were going to take some "Selfie" portraits. care to join us? me [doing the face palm face now]: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!
2208i just sold all of my teeth to the president of starwars for one hundred dollars #SBMediaDay
2209yeah im basically all abOut mpreg right now. yeah im off to get my huge pregnant gut enchanted by a warlock so my future son will respect me
2210*consults a sundial* Ah. Time To Carbo-Load
2211sometimes i feel like im the only person on the whole damn computer who understands the concept of Honour
2212i must rotate in my seat eternally to avoid having my muscles damaged by wi-fi energy
2213i bet i could knock a grammy statue over with my piss #grammys
2214i am a simple country man who believes that hackers belong in jail #TheSaturdayMorningRamble
2215I Have beatten a game of solitare after having to restart only 26 times. I am a magnificent gamer prince
2216i have been racking up absurdly high scores in Windows Solitare to increase my power as a gamer
2217id like a discount on this used tort law textbook please. the last guy who had it drew female versions of Garfield on a bunch of the pages
2218MetalGearEric has offered to engage me in a formal debate as to whether or not santa claus's real name is "Winter Claus"
2219the facts are: actual little two year old children are coming onto this website to send me brutal reprimands daily and make me violently ill
2220In my honest opinion, due to recent events, they should call beloved pop sensation Justin Bieber, they should call him "Mr. Jail". Thank you
2221#TheThursdayNiteRant please build more walkways so i don't have to fuck my pants up in the bushes
2222barbaro is back 2014 http://t.co/Z73UqNki19
2223nobody has earnestly called a donkey an "ass" since the bible was written. stop fucking up my clipart searches with this nonesnse
2224611 Ass illustrations and clipart. Affordable Royalty Free Stock Photography. Downloads for just $1.00, with thousands of images added daily
2225my true custom rig is a baby grand piano filled with lava lamps
2226vladimir Putin if youre reading this please grant me asylum like you did with snowdan. i too ,am constantly in hot water because of my posts
2227i would have to say that this promotional radio shack lanyard i received heavily influenced my decision to become a lanyard wearing guy
2228carefully cutting out an article titled "Extremely Small Man Begs For Life At Disneyland" so that I can frame it for the rumpus room
2229i interface the dunston check 's in dvd with the God Processor. a gruesome polygonal ape head welcomes me to dunston world
2230incoming picture of mysterious bead collection from WolfRespecter
2231#THeSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes when you get caught in traffic you just wanna get pissed off
2232Italian mobsters beat rival gangster with metal bars before feeding him to pigs, police investigation claims http://t.co/oXsuBfWC1q
2233JAY: They are going to replace WTC, with a Mosque. Can you believe this Silent Bob SILENT BOB: This country is headed fot the chamber pot.
2234i squint real hard while attempting to contemplate a math problem designed for children until my entire dumb ass face turns navy blue
2235my ultimate quest to become a united states armyman begins by rejecting all forms of online drama trash in my life #TheThursdayNiteRant
2236im sorry for claiming that all cops wear big fake boobs full of milk under their shirts and use them to breastfeed criminals. only some do
2237i would like to convert these gmail invites into human dollars please
2238now that Ned Neutrality is finally dead he will be sorely missed, survived by his wife Cathy Neutrality, as well as his kids Ethan & Walter
2239now that nest neutrality is finally dead I can start blasTing the shit out of birdhouses with my 9000000 calliber rifle scotfree
2240now that net neutrality is finally dead i can share my controversial tony hawk/NASCAR cross fiction without fear of persecution or ridicule
2241i would like to apologize for letting the team down by eating an entire snowman over the weekend and getting sick. my head wasnt in the game
2242the one major design flaw which plagued the iron maiden from the start were the large spikes that would stab anyone who tried to live in it
2243i shoukld be allowed to do kindergarten again. im pretty sure i would absolutely fucking nail it this time
2244Weekly reminder that the official Oprah App can be enjoyed by Oprah fans and supporters of Anti-Oprah alike.
224512 year slave huh? sounds like my marriage. which I dont enjoy. to the degree that it is succinctly described by that particular movie title
2246Charles Chaplin
2247i have in my hand a list of hollywood bigwigs who have eaten human flesh, and i will reveal one name each day until im provided with respect
2248i've been blacklisted from hollywood simply because I refuse to compromise my unwavering support of Microsoft brand and product. cowardice
2249winner of best reality program "Mushroom Sons", beating out "Extreme Mushroom Farm", "Mushroom Grabber" and "Boys of Mushroom" #GoldenGlobes
2250if hollywood has any dignity left they will surrender all golden gobes to the united states marine corps and blow a bunch of kisses at them
2251some hipster or something is probably mad right now bc they give golden globes to good ass films instead of the fuckin mona lisa or whatever
2252#TheSaturdayMorningRamble was cancelled out of the respect of prime minister ariel sharon . please stop asking me about it. rip ariel sharon
2253please help mme. my dad sent me $40000 to go to Fight College but I spent it all on making a big hormel foods logo out of gorilla glue
2254but worry not. i have changed my last name to "apefucker/" to dissuade all women from stealing it
2255another fucked up thing that women will do to all good men and boys is steal their last names, poSsibly to leverage their own failing brands
2256Remembe,r if you're a fan of the rant, feel free to support it with favs, retweets, or just drop me a message saying how good it is.
2257with all of the running around we do during the holidays... its a wonder we don't LOOSE weight instead of gaining it... #TheThursdayNiteRant
2258if u troll me into my 11th stroke by god i will use the last remaining strength on my death bed to implicate you and your delinquent cronies
2259now that i'm unemployed I can finally weave an intricate fan universe based on the chick fil a cows who are always holding the signs up
2260the web is an extremely powerful media tool in our Time and I will masterfully cross chop and do bare hand takedown to anyone who disagrees
2261fired for "unleashing rats at work" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats
2262put pictures of fat 1920s babies up next to the muscle builders of modern day & you will ssee that their skill levels are considerably equal
2263i just obtained a tub of that goop they fed to babies in the 1920s to make them really fat. i;m going to convert the whole thing into muscle
2264bowl fucker #RejectedBowlGames
2265im the only person on this entire website without a wife and it is just ignorant at this poin t.
2266*inhales sharply and punches a sofa 6 times extremely quickly*